One time I accidentally almost killed my guildmate and got him in trouble with his parents at the same time.

Reminds me when I raided back in Cataclysm. We had a Balance Druid that would fall asleep whenever we had more than 10 minutes between pulls. When he wouldn't respond everyone would take their headphones off and one of the leaders would shove his mic in his mouth and yell Druid's name. Sure enough every time his fat boomkin ass would jump right up. Cracked us up every time lmao

While playing League of Legends, I had a friend who did this same thing in between games (also not the smartest guy). During one of these intermissions I sneezed.

This was no ordinary sneeze either. It was one of those sneezes that makes your throat raw for the next hour. It was loud.

After a while, he comes on the mic and says "Dammit Zamalamin." I'm confused and ask what I did.

Apparently, his cat decided to sit in front of his speaker. My sneeze scared it so badly that it shit itself, leaving a trail as it scrambled out of the room. My friend heard the sneeze, and the thud of his cat running into the doorframe on the way out.

Edit: formatting

One of our main raiders went afk randomly while we were fighting one of the bosses in MC. He was afk long enough to DC, but came back a boss or two later. He got back on vent and said "Sorry guys, my son pissed all over my daughter."

Turns out it was his younger son, a baby, and the older sister thought she would help dad out while he was raiding and change her baby brothers diaper. SURPRISE!

I was a part of a serious raiding guild back in early BC. We had this one guy who did not use push - to - talk, and as much as we pleaded with him to do so, he simply would not do it. Now, there is nothing particularly wrong with using that feature if you have a decent headset, but this guy did not. He had one of those cheap ones from Radio Shack, the little gray ones with the black ear padding, and no foam Mic cover. At the time we were working on SSC, and the first raid of the week was usually a long one, at least 4 hours or more. The reason behind this long schedule was that the reward for pushing for the eventual full clear would be that the other raid night would be for our alts, which was a pretty enticing thing back then. We would usually take a break a few bosses in, about 10 minutes or so. This one time we had just finished with Leo the blind, and we started the break. So I hopped up, took a piss, refilled my drink and grabbed a couple snacks, came back and put my headset back on. Now usually I come back to dead silence as I was generally the quickest one back, but this time was different. I heard heavy breathing, which quickly turned into loud moans. That's right, our push - to - talk boi was rubbing one out on our break, and forgot to mute his Mic. One by one the other guild members begin returning, and they hear our friend knocking it out. Everyone laughs, until eventually the moans turn into louder moans, and then dirty talk. At this point we are doing everything we can to get this guys attention and make him stop, but to no avail. Finally, after almost 12 minutes he finishes, takes a few more minutes to catch his breath so as not to seem obviously, gets on the Mic and says that he is back. So what does everyone do? We cheer of course. Celebrate his victory because that's what real teammates do. Needless to say, he was so embarressed that he started using push- to - talk. Sometimes the hardest lessons are the most important.

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Holy shit my sides. Thank you for sharing this, it really brighten my day

this reminds on the time i took a bio break during naxxramas (wotlk nax) and unplugged my speakers so i could listen to the guild suggesting strategy revisions. Anyway I'm in the middle of a huge #2 and i hear the guild freaking out. "Jughead(mytoon) what the fuck, jughead come back. Jughead omg he pulled the boss. WTF JUGHEAD WHY DID YOU JUST WIPE US"

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it turns out my cat jumped on the keyboard and ran my toon straight into boss with half the raid afk.

When my guild and I was raid emerald nightmare in legion one of our healers goes afk between boses, we waited for him a while and we sent him a couple of whatsapp. Suddenly we started hearing him arguing with his mother about something I don't remember and ending the conversation with one. - Mother, I am the healer. That was hilarious.

Take the time machine back to early vanilla. We were a semi-serious MC raid back then, doing one fixed raid night during the week and Sundays. We made it till Garr on a Thursday and the leader was in the middle of assigning adds when suddenly one of our warriors started running directly at the boss, died and didn't respond in comms after that, leaving us guessing and worried.

It wasn't until the next day we found the reason: While the rest of us was still in good shape at 22:00 the evening before our warrior simply passed out because he was so tired. Being a baker he already knew it would get very late for him so he had the brillant idea to take his laptop into his bed so he could just instantly go to sleep once we were done. Guess it was a bit to cozy. It was also just the first of many fights against the sandman he would lose. True legend.

On one of my few raiding experiences, I had packed the kids off to bed and negotiated a few hours free with the wife. As we were about to start on the Lich King raid, one of the kids wandered back downstairs, so I yelled "WILL YOU GO TO BED!!!"

Apparently I didn't hit my mute button properly, because the rest of the raid went quiet, then someone said, "Dude your Dad sounds mad." Didn't admit that it was actually me (and that I was 15 years older than most of the rest of the raid).

Back in cata we were raiding and had to bring some pugs. Guildies were in vent and pugs were in ts with the gm so we could say what we wanted. We were joking about easy rotation classes and my guild leader says into teamspeak on accident "my rotation is just slapping my dick on the keyboard." Those pugs had 0 context.

Friend from work back in EQ had a note on his character (which you saw if you inspected him) that said something like, if I am not moving and appear to have fallen asleep, please call ###-###-####

Kinda reminds me of the time I got caught being online on wow at 3 am by my uncle's guild mate back in middle school......

He saw me online, dicking around in goldshire, so he came over to the zone (he's horde.) He took a screenshot of my character and the time, and I lost the internet for the week :(

Not sure if i could top this but. Back in the TBC days when I was like 14 or something. I had to go afk to go to dinner as the rents always insisted i ate dinner at the table. Being a 14 year old, i was pretty good at eating, so i told the raid leader i would be max. 5 minutes. What was for dinner? Steak veggies and mash, so I'm like fuck yeah this will be quick.

Turns out, the mash was pretty fresh and amazingly hot (even after continual warning from the mother). So i took a good scoop of it in me mouth, realised it was too hot, swallowed it.... burnt my oesophagus and fainted from the pain.

Woke up on the floor and was like WTF!?. 30 minutes later i finished dinner and so by this time it'd probably been 45 mins since i went AFK.

Got back to the raid, it went like this: "Treb, how much fucking dinner did you eat where were you?!" " Yeah... I fainted from eating mashed potato too quickly"

Raid lost it. My RL mate from school who i raided with never forgetti. And mother still tells her side of the story every now and then.

You called the raid? Man, that kid almost died in vain.

Reminds me of the time my cousin nearly blinded me (half my own fault) with an airsoft rifle and made me have to find a new keyboard.

I was stood at the gates of Zul'Aman (2.4) and he jokingly lines up the barrel to my headset earpiece. Because I was stupid I'd forgotten to clear it and he pulled the trigger. The housing came apart on my headset, the shot rebounded off of the 10mm thick side of my monitor, angled down and deftly removed my insert, delete and backspace keys and launched them across my room and under a chest of drawers.

I then had to find my spare keyboard and wait until later to recover the keys.

I think this is what is missing from this game for me right now. With everyone quitting I feel like I'm missing out on the fun we used to have in raid. All the joking and laughing and fun times to look back on.

que montage of ridiculous scenes while kiss by a rose plays in the background

During late BC we had a guild mate get arrested mid raid, as his ex's new boyfriend kicked down the door of his apartment and started attacking him, and our guildie stabbed him repeatedly with a steak knife he had on his dinner plate next to his computer. (He always ate dinner during our 15 min half break, always with his mic open and loudly chewing) We didn't hear from him for nearly 6 months, when he finally got normalcy back after all the police and DA findings agreed that it was self defense. We all heard the fight and struggle and even heard him get arrested, which was my 1st real Vent drama, and I think it was for most of us. I forgot to say it sooner, but the guy he stabbed lived, and faced charges for breaking into the house and attacking our guildie.

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During Wrath, we had a guildie's wife leave him mid raid, and we heard it all. Apparently she found out he was having what started out as a cyber affair with a woman from his previous guild, one his wife thought he ended when he got caught and moved to our guild, but instead he had starting meeting her in a motel half way between where both lived. He had also been telling his wife that he had been playing less WoW outside of raid times, and was going to the gym during the times he was actually with this woman. It was a huge drag out fight with a lot of accusations, and pretty much the raid was at a stand still due to the fact that our GL was the only person with permissions in Vent to kick, mute, move, etc. and he wasn't on at the time, so we were trying to set things up in game chat while listening to this guy's wife scream in frustration and then sob in heartbreak while he angrily called her degrading names, and told her shit like he stopped loving her because she got ugly and acted old. We eventually gave up and just sat and listened as it went on for about an hour.

I guess she finally left or something because he came back, cleared his throat, and tried to act like nothing had happened. And if we all hadn't just heard that, no one would have been the wiser by his cheery return and demeanor; he even offered up an excuse that I can't remember now, but it was something like that his dog had gotten out and he had to chase it. It was silent for a few moments until our RL told him shakily that his mic had been open all this time, to which he shouted something like "well fuck me harder!" and logged out of the Vent as his character had been logged out of WoW for a while. He never came back.

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Another time, also in BC, a guild member of the 1st guild I mentioned left his mic open during break, and we heard him get up and go start a loud super racist rant to someone in his house about our GL/RL and our assistant RL, who were both immigrants and had noticeable accents. It was so loud, so super over the top, and punctuated by loud belches. At a midpoint, he switched into a rant about how much he hated that women played WoW and that every time he heard one of us "bitchholes" speak in Vent he wanted to throatpunch us. Our guild was half female, btw, just most of us never had to speak in Vent because our roles didn't require it, this was a point he seemed unaware of as he went on complaining about how the few women were even worse at ruining everything than our and I quote: "Gook and towelhead" leadership were. It was so extremely sexist and racist that I would have thought he was trying to play a really stupid joke if it weren't for the very serious and angry tone he was yelling it in.

Halfway through his rant, our GL quietly removed him from raid, and then from guild, and once we heard him put his headset back on, our GL snapped him down to a private channel, followed by the assistant RL. All 3 were down there for less than a minute before the guy DCed. I saw him around town a few times after that, but never with another guild tag as word of his rant had gotten out.

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There was also a time when we a heard a friend of ours having cyber sex with another friend of ours on a mumble we had for our multi game friend group to use. It's how we found out that they were gay and in love, it was a bit awkward when it happened because they didn't move to one of the "private talk" channels, but were going at it in the channel we had for League, and several of us had joined it with the idea that they were looking to play some matches after we had finished some BGing in WoW. Good times.

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ITT, ppl have never heard of push to talk.

I dont know how true this is but I co managed a guild in vanilla and during molten core you heard the slopping noises of oral sex. Then you hear a thump and a womans voice "are you f*cking kidding me, you had that on" and he disconnects from vent and wow.

Talk to him later and he says he was getting serviced by his gf and decided to put his mic by her head and then she heard herself through his computer speakers, smacked her head under the desk and proceeded to rip him a new one.

This was legit best story i have read from a wow raid... haahhaha

Damn bro this had me rolling.. fucking great

I should not have read this on the bus.

Neat.

Loud people are the worst.

Great story man... I got all choked up about it... Thanks =)

tbh, i kinda wanna hear what this yell sounds like.

This is written so well. You gave me tears of laughing!

Bro! That is beyond epic. I pictured it so vividly in my mind. Made my fuckin night XD

Hahaha das some good shit

Man, thank you for sharing this. That’s hilarious, great read to start my day.

We once had a new guy, and we could hear his mom ask him something, then he started yelling:

SHUT THE FUCK UP

SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH

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