The man cut a snake's head off, hollowed it out, pissed in it and drank the piss. He didn't even need to, he'd been there like 20 minutes.
He also castrated some animals with his teeth. It took about 3 seconds to get him to agree to do it.
Would you want to be stuck in the woods, competing against that man? You wake up and he bit your dick off, hollowed it out then drank his piss out of your dick?
I just love the shots in which he pretends to escape, but clearly leaves a camera crew behind. I always wanted him to commit to the fiction and do a second episode in which he rescued them with the help of a second camera crew.
Have you read his first book? Because if you have you will be absolutely blown away by the types of feats he has pulled off. If we are talking about bear at his peak form around post-SAS training pre-injury, or post-everest, he will do perfectly fine from a fitness perspective. Add in his Man vs. Wild survival experience and you arguably have the strongest survivalist from the whole series.
edit If he approaches the games with a plan to avoid and outlast the other tributes he should do well. It's unlikely that he will get caught out and ambushed by going for supplies at the cornucopia as he is perfectly suited to survival situations without supplies and rations so he can last the entire games without having to resupply.
One factor that could potentially ruin his game plan are the traps and the dickhead game master. Obviously they will single him out after a while as the tributes start dying off as it would be boring AF watching bear just hide in a cave somewhere for an entire week whole the final couple of tributes wander around looking for each other. A fireball storm or a conveniently placed tracker jacker hive (is that what they're called?) could really throw him off his gameplan. However, if he decides to go on the offensive and begins to hunt for the final few tributes he should be able to avoid the wrath of the game masters. They might use traps like a wall of fire to draw them closer to each other so if he is able to come out of that unscathed and avoid a head to head confrontation with one of the careers he will have a better chance. I don't fancy bear going 1 v 1 with a career tribute who will undoubtedly have exceptional combat skills.
" would be boring AF watching bear just hide in a cave somewhere for an entire week"
But let's not forget, Bear is also an entertainer/TV star. He has experience making a show specifically about surviving in the wild that a good number of people actually watch.
A big factor in surviving the Hunger Games is winning over the favor of the Capital citizens. I think Bear could easily earn himself a few fans with his survival commentary and daring escapes. If he got himself into a spot that looked too desperate, his fans in the Capital might just airdrop in a package to keep him alive and see what he'll do next.
So you're saying that the people watching the 74th Hunger Games with Bear Grills with just be sitting at their TV.
Then the announcer says, "Let's see how our boy Bear Grills is doing!"
The camera just zooms in on Bear Grills and he's got a whole set up in a tree top entertaining the citizens with a tutorial of how to turn leaves into a compass or some shit. And that's the whole reason the game masters won't kill him.
He doesn't need a setup, there are cameras hidden everywhere in the arenas, and all of the tributes know this.
And its not that the game masters won't kill him, its that his fans in the Capital will try to help him out when he needs it.
So, for example, if the game makers try to hit him with some sort of flaming trap, if Bear manages to escape it initially and survive, he'll find some way of creating a preliminary burn treatment out of things in the wild, explaining his actions every step of the way to people watching. After the initially treatment is done, it will still take a long time for the burn to fully heal, but that's when a Capitol fan might send him a small dose of medicine as a gift so that Bear can get back to full strength much quicker, and the fans get to see what kind of trouble he gets into next.
None of this assures Bear's victory, but I think his natural inclination as an entertainer (who is very much in his element trying to survive), plus the fact that he's a rather handsome man, will make it easy for him to win over sponsors and fans, and the support from those sponsors and fans will go a long way in balancing out and counteracting any additional ire he may draw from the game makers.
Basically, I don't think Bear will be content to sit and wait in a cave. At the very least he needs to hunt, but even then, he knows waiting it out won't bring him victory, only prolong his life. I think he will want to explore the surrounding area (even if its not to take down other tributes, but just to get a lay of the land), and these excursions will win the favor of viewers, which will in turn greatly improve his chances of survival and being able to deal with the more un-natural elements of the games.
His cameraman could be the second tribute. That way, they can locate one of the hidden cameras and take it, and the cameraman could follow Bear as he does his survival commentary.
By "set up in a tree," I believe he means that Bear would have a bed, cover, food, water collection system, etc.
[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 17:48:31 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
So you're assuming the game masters will always be watching Bear Grills knowing he's doing something neat as fuck and not only not show anybody in the audience, but they'll decide he's too boring and try to fuck with him?
His TV show teaches all of panem to survive the hunger games, in consecutive years people lean to survive for weeks at a time in the games and don't kill eachother, instead they start their own society within the game.
"I'm dying of thirst and I've just come across a beautiful looking clear stream... Of course the game makers could have poisoned it. Send me a loaf of bread in the next 5 minutes if you want to see me drink my own piss!"
[deleted] · 52 points · Posted at 21:51:22 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He'd be best off hiding in the trees and picking the rest off predator style. With the career tributes ganging up, he'd still have difficulty unless he's good with thrown weapons or projectiles, since they're also well trained in hand to hand.
They are, and they are highly trained in unarmed combat. But i have my doubts if he's going up against a career tribute who had undoubtedly received specialized weapons training. The SAS fight with guns, the careers would have trained on a specific weapon like a sword or spear their entire lives.
Plus he's been out of combat situations for a while now. He's obviously still in shape, but him using unarmed combat skills he hasn't used in years against one, two, perhaps even three younger career tributes with rigorous, RECENT training in a specific weapon or unarmed combat style? Not likely. I'd imagine he'd most likely use his knowledge and instincts, which wouldn't deteriorate with time. Follow and track the career ones. Take them out when they're weakened by a trap, or by fighting each other, or by being asleep. If they notice you, run away and find another prey. The SAS can use pretty shady methods, and so can Bear.
Wait, you don't fancy his chance against a career tribute, even though hes ex SAS, one of the top tier special forces on the world.
The earliest you could train those kiddies is like 5 to be horrible killers, so maybe they have 13 years of training to help max. I don't think that'll save them against bear.
There is no way in my opinion that he goes on the defensive, chances are he slits most peoples throats while they sleep
I think what you said about him going on the offensive is important. Whether or not Bear realizes what's going on is very important here. If he's debriefed beforehand about what the Games are all about, then I think he'd find a way to make it through by waiting out all but the last survivors, then setting traps to kill them. If he gets dropped in the area with no knowledge of what's happening, he'll wait a long time, but may not survive.
And yes, no one can account for the head gamesmaster skewing the scales in other tribute's favor for the audience.
Preeeetty sure an actual Olympic wrestler could still beat the living shit out of Cena and The Rock though. Those career tributes have had actual survival training. I mean I respect bear's SAS training, but the ability to jump off of waterfalls and drink urine out of a snakeskin isn't gonna be much of a useful addition to that.
The Rock is massive, unbelievably and inhumanly so. An Olympic wrestler might win at Olympic wrestling, but "Beat the living shit out of" him probably wouldn't happen.
sure, the rock is massive, but so are they. Olympic wrestlers are also incredibly skilled, and use a style of martial art that is specifically used for taking down those bigger than you (grappling). The Rock would absolutely lose, and get the living shit beat out of him in the process.
Jumping into ice water on purpose, climbing up and down a water fall with just rope, rock climbing etc... not everything about the show is completely fake
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 16:13:40 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
And as far as I know, they've never needed to, because he pretty much always pulls off whatever outrageous shit he's trying at the time.
It could be that it only seems like he never needs help because they edit out all the scenes where he gets helped.
I honestly think the fact he always pulls off the things at the first try is telling. No way there aren't bloopers of failed attempts to do something or other.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 13:28:45 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
They have definitely showed failed attempts, one time he fucked up sliding down a mountain and broke his leg. Still was in the show.
Are there other examples, or am I to believe he only fucked up once?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:25:56 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't watch the show avidly, but I do remember once he fucked up trying to steal honeycomb from bees and his entire face was completely swollen for the rest of the episode. That was pretty funny. I think there was a few other times, though I can't remember specific examples.
A lot of his stuff is completely made up. Les Stroud, host of Survivorman has come out multiple times saying that some things that Bear does in his show are the direct opposite of what you should be doing like drinking your own damn piss. This is a hilariously prime example of how a lot of Man vs. Wild is just made up for entertainment purposes. That being said, I am more than sure that Bear received proper survivalist skills during his time with the SAS. He just doesn't display any of that prowess in the show.
Well comparing Survivorman to man vs. wild isn't very fair, Les and Bear come from completely different backgrounds and extremely different personalities, evident through the type of shows they have. It's so obvious how useless some of the stuff bear does on his show but it's done for the sake of entertainment.
Ridiculious feats put aside, Bear is clearly highly educated in survival skills, and is incredibly talented both physically and mentally (Plus he's got balls the size of god damn King Kong)
Ziazan · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:15 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
hunger games has firestorms and walls of fire and shit? might look into that.
I don't think Jackie could actually pull off the actual events his characters do in the movies, though. It's one thing to do a backflip during a scripted fight, and another to pull a backflip in an actual fight.
Similarly, it's one thing to do survival stunts when you're actually trying to survive, and another when you're mostly pretending and not in real risk.
none of them were horrbly extreme though, any fit person who was determined enough could have pulled allot of them off. while SAS training may be a thing (i know nothing of the matter) i know the series was a load of bull. sure there were some neat and usefull tricks, but some of them were just a bit unfeasible
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 18:59:55 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)*
I never understand those complaints..David Attenborough made shows about ants and they didn't make him sleep in an ants nest at the end of the day. why would he randomly just sleep in the woods for no reason obviously when shooting ends you're going to sleep in a hotel,
[deleted] · 18 points · Posted at 14:43:47 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Falsus · 20 points · Posted at 15:56:40 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think the careers would have better CQC than Grylls but overall I think Grylls would still have the advantage.
Even based on the fact that he is a grown man facing off against all thse children/teenagers/young adults gives him an edge. Not to mention his SAS training and years of experience doing survival stuff.
Ziazan · 8 points · Posted at 04:58:44 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bear has successfully replaced his blood with his own piss, which he can replenish by drinking his own piss. He is the first known example of a perpetual energy machine.
[deleted] · 51 points · Posted at 20:16:14 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
That young woman katniss thought I loved her, I got her to kill everyone for me while I hid in a cave pretending to be sick. Then she ate poison berries and died thinking I also ate the berry's but I had a piece a elephant shit in the back of my throat so I could spit out the berries afterwards.
To Bear, he's been drinking his own piss for centuries.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:00:45 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
lot's of well reasoned arguments but he ain't got the mad frosting/ camo skills of peta and lets face it is not hooking up with katniss because that would be creepy, thus he gets no gifts.
Not very many people are giving legit answers, so I'll try. Bear Grylls is former SAS, for Americans imagine a ranger or a navy seal. He survived a parachute malfunction, climbed to the top of Mount Everest 18 months after that parachute malfunction, circumnavigated the world on jet-skis.
His wilderness survival ability is most likely the best on the planet, his combat prowess is that of a spec ops soldier, he can take extreme amounts of punishment, including getting launched off a jet-ski at 50 miles per hour, falling off the sky, and dozens of other injuries, he is incredibly ballsy considering everything he does,and he is a charismatic fellow, which explains his extreme TV following.
The hunger games is a competition where your ability to succeed is based on wilderness survival, combat prowess against agnsty teenagers, ability to take punishment, bravery in the face of extreme danger, and charisma (with the whole donor thing).
The hunger games is tailor-made for Bear Grylls. If betting on the Hunger Games was a thing, I would bet all the money I have on him, sell everything I own and bet the money from that, and get loans from everyone I could and bet that.
I honestly think Bear would do too well to the point where the game masters are gonna be flushing him out a lot and make it a lot more unfair. But I still think he could pull it off. It'd be even better if he narrated his survival as he went.
I can say with absolute certainty that he'd be able to get away from the other competitors and stay healthy and even strong - if the gamemakers let him. And we know they wouldn't, because in both the book and the movie, Katniss gives it a go and they send her back. With fire. That's probably what he'd try first, and his survivalist training wouldn't help him much against something like that.
So Bear Grylls is suddenly sent back towards other tributes, probably scorched and out of breath, because fire takes oxygen right out of your mouth. I think he'd probably be able to take two, and maybe three. Five weak ones, but we all know they wouldn't send him to the weak ones. So barring lucky chance, Bear Grylls would die, in both rounds, because he tried to do the smart thing, not the exciting thing.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:17 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I dunno, but someone better post a good pee joke here
Bear Grylls may be presented as a hardened outdoors specialist, but his show is dedicated to "entertainment" and not actually following the best course of action in survival situations. Some of the stuff he has done on air is laughable. Personally, i think his only advantage is his age and whatever SAS reservist training he might have.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:44 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
The man was an SAS operator who survived a skydiving jump without a main parachute, became the youngest man to climb everest just one year after breaking his back in the aforementioned skydiving incident, and later became the youngest chief scout ever. He's a real life mary-sue, he doesn't need the author to make him one.
HairlessGrinch · 403 points · Posted at 17:53:48 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He'd just disgust them into submission.
The man cut a snake's head off, hollowed it out, pissed in it and drank the piss. He didn't even need to, he'd been there like 20 minutes.
He also castrated some animals with his teeth. It took about 3 seconds to get him to agree to do it.
Would you want to be stuck in the woods, competing against that man? You wake up and he bit your dick off, hollowed it out then drank his piss out of your dick?
Grandy12 · 100 points · Posted at 06:03:43 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I always imagine him doing these things as the camera crew is drinking some soda in the background.
Accountthree · 42 points · Posted at 09:21:40 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I just love the shots in which he pretends to escape, but clearly leaves a camera crew behind. I always wanted him to commit to the fiction and do a second episode in which he rescued them with the help of a second camera crew.
HairlessGrinch · 23 points · Posted at 09:24:36 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
He could make a hunger games of camera crews. Only the winners can come back with him.
[deleted] · 41 points · Posted at 03:37:24 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)*
I want you to know that I literally choked on a peanut butter and nutella sandwich reading your post.
MissionYeti · 8 points · Posted at 09:45:30 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Peanut butter and Nuttella. The fuck man
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 09:51:26 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
You should try it. Shits delicious
NotSoNoble6 · 4 points · Posted at 10:24:51 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Seconded, though, I prefer to use tortillas (burrito style) as opposed to bread so it's not so thick.
HairlessGrinch · 2 points · Posted at 09:24:00 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I can only apologise!
SillySturridge · 3 points · Posted at 09:00:39 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
This was hilarious. Thankyou.
[deleted] · 351 points · Posted at 14:10:34 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
His SAS training would get him through would it not?
LehmannDaHero · 419 points · Posted at 14:32:11 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Have you read his first book? Because if you have you will be absolutely blown away by the types of feats he has pulled off. If we are talking about bear at his peak form around post-SAS training pre-injury, or post-everest, he will do perfectly fine from a fitness perspective. Add in his Man vs. Wild survival experience and you arguably have the strongest survivalist from the whole series.
edit If he approaches the games with a plan to avoid and outlast the other tributes he should do well. It's unlikely that he will get caught out and ambushed by going for supplies at the cornucopia as he is perfectly suited to survival situations without supplies and rations so he can last the entire games without having to resupply.
One factor that could potentially ruin his game plan are the traps and the dickhead game master. Obviously they will single him out after a while as the tributes start dying off as it would be boring AF watching bear just hide in a cave somewhere for an entire week whole the final couple of tributes wander around looking for each other. A fireball storm or a conveniently placed tracker jacker hive (is that what they're called?) could really throw him off his gameplan. However, if he decides to go on the offensive and begins to hunt for the final few tributes he should be able to avoid the wrath of the game masters. They might use traps like a wall of fire to draw them closer to each other so if he is able to come out of that unscathed and avoid a head to head confrontation with one of the careers he will have a better chance. I don't fancy bear going 1 v 1 with a career tribute who will undoubtedly have exceptional combat skills.
TransPM · 372 points · Posted at 15:50:26 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
But let's not forget, Bear is also an entertainer/TV star. He has experience making a show specifically about surviving in the wild that a good number of people actually watch.
A big factor in surviving the Hunger Games is winning over the favor of the Capital citizens. I think Bear could easily earn himself a few fans with his survival commentary and daring escapes. If he got himself into a spot that looked too desperate, his fans in the Capital might just airdrop in a package to keep him alive and see what he'll do next.
iwumbo2 · 295 points · Posted at 17:31:54 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
So you're saying that the people watching the 74th Hunger Games with Bear Grills with just be sitting at their TV.
Then the announcer says, "Let's see how our boy Bear Grills is doing!"
The camera just zooms in on Bear Grills and he's got a whole set up in a tree top entertaining the citizens with a tutorial of how to turn leaves into a compass or some shit. And that's the whole reason the game masters won't kill him.
TransPM · 149 points · Posted at 17:52:39 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He doesn't need a setup, there are cameras hidden everywhere in the arenas, and all of the tributes know this.
And its not that the game masters won't kill him, its that his fans in the Capital will try to help him out when he needs it.
So, for example, if the game makers try to hit him with some sort of flaming trap, if Bear manages to escape it initially and survive, he'll find some way of creating a preliminary burn treatment out of things in the wild, explaining his actions every step of the way to people watching. After the initially treatment is done, it will still take a long time for the burn to fully heal, but that's when a Capitol fan might send him a small dose of medicine as a gift so that Bear can get back to full strength much quicker, and the fans get to see what kind of trouble he gets into next.
None of this assures Bear's victory, but I think his natural inclination as an entertainer (who is very much in his element trying to survive), plus the fact that he's a rather handsome man, will make it easy for him to win over sponsors and fans, and the support from those sponsors and fans will go a long way in balancing out and counteracting any additional ire he may draw from the game makers.
Basically, I don't think Bear will be content to sit and wait in a cave. At the very least he needs to hunt, but even then, he knows waiting it out won't bring him victory, only prolong his life. I think he will want to explore the surrounding area (even if its not to take down other tributes, but just to get a lay of the land), and these excursions will win the favor of viewers, which will in turn greatly improve his chances of survival and being able to deal with the more un-natural elements of the games.
SuperCreativeGT · 46 points · Posted at 21:15:15 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
His cameraman could be the second tribute. That way, they can locate one of the hidden cameras and take it, and the cameraman could follow Bear as he does his survival commentary.
CapnTBC · 11 points · Posted at 15:19:47 on May 11, 2015 · (Permalink)
Then stab him in the back at the end to win.
TheExtremistModerate · 14 points · Posted at 22:50:35 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
By "set up in a tree," I believe he means that Bear would have a bed, cover, food, water collection system, etc.
[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 17:48:31 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
So you're assuming the game masters will always be watching Bear Grills knowing he's doing something neat as fuck and not only not show anybody in the audience, but they'll decide he's too boring and try to fuck with him?
jamarcus92 · 18 points · Posted at 20:29:32 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
And after he inevitably wins the Hunger Games, he's offered his own gig on Capitol TV.
RotmgCamel · 9 points · Posted at 08:13:41 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
His TV show teaches all of panem to survive the hunger games, in consecutive years people lean to survive for weeks at a time in the games and don't kill eachother, instead they start their own society within the game.
DrDongStrong · 4 points · Posted at 02:54:40 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
He's be one of the consultants for following HGs.
bigsexyalphamale · 21 points · Posted at 02:17:22 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
this made me laugh so unnecessarily hard
LehmannDaHero · 44 points · Posted at 18:44:31 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I thought about this as well and was wondering if he would do this while surviving.
"hey you sick fucks watching out there, i know I'm kinda fighting for my life here, but you wanna see me eat this huge maggot?"
TransPM · 68 points · Posted at 18:53:55 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
"I'm dying of thirst and I've just come across a beautiful looking clear stream... Of course the game makers could have poisoned it. Send me a loaf of bread in the next 5 minutes if you want to see me drink my own piss!"
[deleted] · 52 points · Posted at 21:51:22 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bear is a camgirl now I guess
stonecaster · 16 points · Posted at 01:29:29 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I just imagined Bear as one of those twitch cleavage streamers
MrChalking · 14 points · Posted at 01:19:34 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I could 100% see bear grylls giving tips on how to survive the hunger games while surviving the hunger games
Accountthree · 1 points · Posted at 09:23:17 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Also, maybe Capital City is into the piss thing. They're meant to be massively decedent, yes?
straydog1980 · 37 points · Posted at 14:37:59 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He'd be best off hiding in the trees and picking the rest off predator style. With the career tributes ganging up, he'd still have difficulty unless he's good with thrown weapons or projectiles, since they're also well trained in hand to hand.
reflectioneternal · 9 points · Posted at 16:15:23 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I imagine he could hold off long enough until the career tributes turn on one another.
[deleted] · 28 points · Posted at 18:17:11 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't know this for sure, but I assume he can hold his own in a 1v1 with SAS background. Those are some bad dudes
LehmannDaHero · 21 points · Posted at 18:53:07 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
They are, and they are highly trained in unarmed combat. But i have my doubts if he's going up against a career tribute who had undoubtedly received specialized weapons training. The SAS fight with guns, the careers would have trained on a specific weapon like a sword or spear their entire lives.
jazaniac · 6 points · Posted at 05:04:23 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)*
Plus he's been out of combat situations for a while now. He's obviously still in shape, but him using unarmed combat skills he hasn't used in years against one, two, perhaps even three younger career tributes with rigorous, RECENT training in a specific weapon or unarmed combat style? Not likely. I'd imagine he'd most likely use his knowledge and instincts, which wouldn't deteriorate with time. Follow and track the career ones. Take them out when they're weakened by a trap, or by fighting each other, or by being asleep. If they notice you, run away and find another prey. The SAS can use pretty shady methods, and so can Bear.
GreatLordClark · 6 points · Posted at 09:51:48 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Wait, you don't fancy his chance against a career tribute, even though hes ex SAS, one of the top tier special forces on the world.
The earliest you could train those kiddies is like 5 to be horrible killers, so maybe they have 13 years of training to help max. I don't think that'll save them against bear.
There is no way in my opinion that he goes on the defensive, chances are he slits most peoples throats while they sleep
AryanNinja · 3 points · Posted at 03:04:09 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think what you said about him going on the offensive is important. Whether or not Bear realizes what's going on is very important here. If he's debriefed beforehand about what the Games are all about, then I think he'd find a way to make it through by waiting out all but the last survivors, then setting traps to kill them. If he gets dropped in the area with no knowledge of what's happening, he'll wait a long time, but may not survive.
And yes, no one can account for the head gamesmaster skewing the scales in other tribute's favor for the audience.
jazaniac · 6 points · Posted at 05:14:22 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
He'll be trained by woody harrelson since he's Peeta's replacement. So he'll know about what the games are.
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 14:52:25 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 110 points · Posted at 16:30:00 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Like professional wrestling it might be fake but the stunts you see on camera are real.
jazaniac · 5 points · Posted at 05:06:49 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Preeeetty sure an actual Olympic wrestler could still beat the living shit out of Cena and The Rock though. Those career tributes have had actual survival training. I mean I respect bear's SAS training, but the ability to jump off of waterfalls and drink urine out of a snakeskin isn't gonna be much of a useful addition to that.
IAMAHippopotomous · 10 points · Posted at 14:39:00 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
The Rock is massive, unbelievably and inhumanly so. An Olympic wrestler might win at Olympic wrestling, but "Beat the living shit out of" him probably wouldn't happen.
jazaniac · 8 points · Posted at 17:17:43 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)*
sure, the rock is massive, but so are they. Olympic wrestlers are also incredibly skilled, and use a style of martial art that is specifically used for taking down those bigger than you (grappling). The Rock would absolutely lose, and get the living shit beat out of him in the process.
armykidbran · 46 points · Posted at 15:55:23 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He doesn't actually live in the wild but he really does all the crazy stunts
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 16:00:45 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
armykidbran · 84 points · Posted at 16:09:55 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Jumping into ice water on purpose, climbing up and down a water fall with just rope, rock climbing etc... not everything about the show is completely fake
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 16:13:40 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
armykidbran · 109 points · Posted at 16:25:31 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Yea he has his crew to save him but that doesn't mean his stunts are fake.
SeriousMichael · 59 points · Posted at 16:31:35 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I could have the best crew in the world ready to help me in all of those situations. Doesn't mean I'd have the balls to do it.
hawksfan81 · 12 points · Posted at 22:14:49 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
And as far as I know, they've never needed to, because he pretty much always pulls off whatever outrageous shit he's trying at the time.
Grandy12 · 0 points · Posted at 06:10:42 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
It could be that it only seems like he never needs help because they edit out all the scenes where he gets helped.
I honestly think the fact he always pulls off the things at the first try is telling. No way there aren't bloopers of failed attempts to do something or other.
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 13:28:45 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
They have definitely showed failed attempts, one time he fucked up sliding down a mountain and broke his leg. Still was in the show.
Grandy12 · 1 points · Posted at 14:22:45 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Are there other examples, or am I to believe he only fucked up once?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 14:25:56 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I don't watch the show avidly, but I do remember once he fucked up trying to steal honeycomb from bees and his entire face was completely swollen for the rest of the episode. That was pretty funny. I think there was a few other times, though I can't remember specific examples.
Grandy12 · 1 points · Posted at 15:54:57 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Eh, fair enough.
BooksAgain · 2 points · Posted at 13:00:01 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
That's not like being remotely impressed by a tightrope walker because there's a safety net.
It's dumb. You're dumb.
Not_MrChief · 5 points · Posted at 19:06:31 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rule 2 people! NO DOWNVOTES.
crustycupcakes · 6 points · Posted at 16:30:09 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
How is his man vs wild stuff bs?
vinChilla · 12 points · Posted at 19:24:19 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
A lot of his stuff is completely made up. Les Stroud, host of Survivorman has come out multiple times saying that some things that Bear does in his show are the direct opposite of what you should be doing like drinking your own damn piss. This is a hilariously prime example of how a lot of Man vs. Wild is just made up for entertainment purposes. That being said, I am more than sure that Bear received proper survivalist skills during his time with the SAS. He just doesn't display any of that prowess in the show.
DanielsJacket · 9 points · Posted at 02:43:57 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Well comparing Survivorman to man vs. wild isn't very fair, Les and Bear come from completely different backgrounds and extremely different personalities, evident through the type of shows they have. It's so obvious how useless some of the stuff bear does on his show but it's done for the sake of entertainment.
Ridiculious feats put aside, Bear is clearly highly educated in survival skills, and is incredibly talented both physically and mentally (Plus he's got balls the size of god damn King Kong)
Ziazan · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:15 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
hunger games has firestorms and walls of fire and shit? might look into that.
LehmannDaHero · 1 points · Posted at 06:58:22 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Fire storms as in random exploding fireballs coming out of the sky :P
fred523 · 3 points · Posted at 15:12:00 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
man vs wild was complete bs, he even came out about it a couple years ago
MAKE_ME_REDDIT · 26 points · Posted at 17:29:44 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He still did all of the stunts.
Grandy12 · 3 points · Posted at 06:15:17 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
So did Jackie Chan.
I don't think Jackie could actually pull off the actual events his characters do in the movies, though. It's one thing to do a backflip during a scripted fight, and another to pull a backflip in an actual fight.
Similarly, it's one thing to do survival stunts when you're actually trying to survive, and another when you're mostly pretending and not in real risk.
fred523 · 3 points · Posted at 00:33:00 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
none of them were horrbly extreme though, any fit person who was determined enough could have pulled allot of them off. while SAS training may be a thing (i know nothing of the matter) i know the series was a load of bull. sure there were some neat and usefull tricks, but some of them were just a bit unfeasible
n60storm4 · 0 points · Posted at 11:43:38 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Rule 2: No downvoting
I don't agree with the commenter above but that simply means I don't upvote him.
fred523 · 1 points · Posted at 13:10:49 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Haven't been downvoting
n60storm4 · 1 points · Posted at 13:13:55 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I wasn't telling you off. I was leaving a message to the people who were down voting you.
fred523 · 1 points · Posted at 13:25:57 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
oh, Thank you
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 18:59:55 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)*
I never understand those complaints..David Attenborough made shows about ants and they didn't make him sleep in an ants nest at the end of the day. why would he randomly just sleep in the woods for no reason obviously when shooting ends you're going to sleep in a hotel,
[deleted] · 18 points · Posted at 14:43:47 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Falsus · 20 points · Posted at 15:56:40 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I think the careers would have better CQC than Grylls but overall I think Grylls would still have the advantage.
Capt-POTATO · 4 points · Posted at 01:24:30 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
He is an adult, which would give him at least some size advantage.
Imperium_Dragon · 89 points · Posted at 15:09:28 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He eats them. All of them. Or use his SAS training to strangle them all.
Spearka · 1 points · Posted at 13:07:15 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
So he dies after contracting Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease from eating people?
PsycoSaurus · 72 points · Posted at 16:37:36 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Even based on the fact that he is a grown man facing off against all thse children/teenagers/young adults gives him an edge. Not to mention his SAS training and years of experience doing survival stuff.
benedictxxii · 68 points · Posted at 17:32:01 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He puts on a good show while secretly being in league with the game masters and sleeping in a hotel every night
taksark · 66 points · Posted at 19:45:51 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
"KATNISS, DRINK MY PISS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!"
"Uh, Bear, are you okay?"
They win due to this one weird trick that doctors hate.
Imperium_Dragon · 4 points · Posted at 02:55:39 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
That meant something oddly strange to me.
misterskippy · 432 points · Posted at 14:22:07 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)*
"Now here I'm going to show you the best way to survive an arrow through the chest."
Bear gets shot intentionally and dies.
"Uh Mr Grylls? Sir are you ok?" says one of the cameramen.
"Keep rolling," whispers the producer, "this shits gold."
Next time on Man vs Wild we see how long Bear Grylls can survive decomposition.
Kaserbeam · 214 points · Posted at 15:01:17 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Oh no, i seem to have been shot!"
"Better drink my own piss"
Bloodloon73 · 48 points · Posted at 19:49:38 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
"Bear revived."
[deleted] · 21 points · Posted at 23:02:12 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bloodlusted.
Capt-POTATO · 21 points · Posted at 01:25:16 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
*Pisslusted.
Bteatesthighlander1 · 23 points · Posted at 02:05:43 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
if those are the same thing, see a doctor
Ziazan · 8 points · Posted at 04:58:44 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bear has successfully replaced his blood with his own piss, which he can replenish by drinking his own piss. He is the first known example of a perpetual energy machine.
Bloodloon73 · 4 points · Posted at 01:46:59 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bear used Piss! It's Super Effective!
[deleted] · 51 points · Posted at 20:16:14 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
That young woman katniss thought I loved her, I got her to kill everyone for me while I hid in a cave pretending to be sick. Then she ate poison berries and died thinking I also ate the berry's but I had a piece a elephant shit in the back of my throat so I could spit out the berries afterwards.
whereisspacebar · 94 points · Posted at 15:32:10 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
This would be a good /r/WritingPrompts post
Kaserbeam · 118 points · Posted at 14:26:39 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He outlives everyone by filtering his piss through camel shit, like a true pro, and just hiding out,
ClassyBovine · 38 points · Posted at 17:37:38 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Trick question, cameraman stomps all rounds
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 23:26:46 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Please /u/thisstorywillsuck
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 18:43:33 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
The size and strength difference should count for a lot just by itself IMO
MrMark1337 · 15 points · Posted at 19:13:43 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
He probably wins unless the gamemakers decide to be dicks against him.
Spearka · 10 points · Posted at 20:56:05 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
Piss Rain
MrMark1337 · 7 points · Posted at 21:56:09 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
His own piss.
Ziazan · 7 points · Posted at 05:12:41 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
You fools, that only makes him stronger.
Yanrogue · 26 points · Posted at 14:58:01 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
What about Round 3: Meme version?
Omegamanthethird · 29 points · Posted at 17:45:49 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
How long does he last before he starts drinking his own piss?
[deleted] · 37 points · Posted at 18:45:15 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
-1 seconds
Capt-POTATO · 5 points · Posted at 01:26:15 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Trick question, he always had been drinking his own piss.
n60storm4 · 2 points · Posted at 11:45:28 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
To Bear, he's been drinking his own piss for centuries.
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:00:45 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
lot's of well reasoned arguments but he ain't got the mad frosting/ camo skills of peta and lets face it is not hooking up with katniss because that would be creepy, thus he gets no gifts.
Kevimaster · 2 points · Posted at 08:24:56 on May 23, 2015 · (Permalink)
I mean... he was in the SAS. I don't really remember much of Peta from the books, but I don't think that Bear is much of a slouch in that department.
Thermodynamicness · 4 points · Posted at 15:52:35 on June 13, 2015 · (Permalink)
Not very many people are giving legit answers, so I'll try. Bear Grylls is former SAS, for Americans imagine a ranger or a navy seal. He survived a parachute malfunction, climbed to the top of Mount Everest 18 months after that parachute malfunction, circumnavigated the world on jet-skis.
His wilderness survival ability is most likely the best on the planet, his combat prowess is that of a spec ops soldier, he can take extreme amounts of punishment, including getting launched off a jet-ski at 50 miles per hour, falling off the sky, and dozens of other injuries, he is incredibly ballsy considering everything he does,and he is a charismatic fellow, which explains his extreme TV following.
The hunger games is a competition where your ability to succeed is based on wilderness survival, combat prowess against agnsty teenagers, ability to take punishment, bravery in the face of extreme danger, and charisma (with the whole donor thing).
The hunger games is tailor-made for Bear Grylls. If betting on the Hunger Games was a thing, I would bet all the money I have on him, sell everything I own and bet the money from that, and get loans from everyone I could and bet that.
butsumetsu · 5 points · Posted at 01:49:47 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
he would show up wearing a dolphin carcass as a warmth vest
DrDongStrong · 4 points · Posted at 02:50:26 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I honestly think Bear would do too well to the point where the game masters are gonna be flushing him out a lot and make it a lot more unfair. But I still think he could pull it off. It'd be even better if he narrated his survival as he went.
savage_inuit · 7 points · Posted at 00:43:56 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Les Stroud > Pee drinker
GandalfTheUltraViole · 3 points · Posted at 09:29:13 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
I can say with absolute certainty that he'd be able to get away from the other competitors and stay healthy and even strong - if the gamemakers let him. And we know they wouldn't, because in both the book and the movie, Katniss gives it a go and they send her back. With fire. That's probably what he'd try first, and his survivalist training wouldn't help him much against something like that.
So Bear Grylls is suddenly sent back towards other tributes, probably scorched and out of breath, because fire takes oxygen right out of your mouth. I think he'd probably be able to take two, and maybe three. Five weak ones, but we all know they wouldn't send him to the weak ones. So barring lucky chance, Bear Grylls would die, in both rounds, because he tried to do the smart thing, not the exciting thing.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:17 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
I dunno, but someone better post a good pee joke here
instadit · 1 points · Posted at 08:26:13 on May 26, 2015 · (Permalink)
Bear Grylls may be presented as a hardened outdoors specialist, but his show is dedicated to "entertainment" and not actually following the best course of action in survival situations. Some of the stuff he has done on air is laughable. Personally, i think his only advantage is his age and whatever SAS reservist training he might have.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:44 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Insanelopez · 12 points · Posted at 23:14:01 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)*
The man was an SAS operator who survived a skydiving jump without a main parachute, became the youngest man to climb everest just one year after breaking his back in the aforementioned skydiving incident, and later became the youngest chief scout ever. He's a real life mary-sue, he doesn't need the author to make him one.
ilovesao · 1 points · Posted at 17:16:52 on May 9, 2015 · (Permalink)
All I know is someone is gonna die... spoilers it's katniss
GreatGreen286 · 1 points · Posted at 02:15:36 on May 10, 2015 · (Permalink)
Isn't he former S.A.S?