Or make the judges a mix of bratty kids and pompous bourgeois. Good luck pleasing both groups.

Omg you made it even better hahaha

It starts with a super vague clue and then every 15 minutes they get a new clue until like 5 minutes before the food goes out they practically know. So then they can be halfway into some gross octopus looking thing and they figure out they're making food for people under the age of 4 so they have to scramble to make it look like chicken nuggets.

They have this show. It's called "be a chef at restaurant in america".

Gordon Ramsey screaming in a 5 year old's face: 'Shove it up your fucking arse if you don't like it, you stupid little shit!'

Half of them refuse to eat random things because they contain gluten or were cooked on Teflon or whatever we're worried about this month.

Holy shit. It could be like chopped. Where they have a food challenge basket. Except the judges each week all have their particular dislikes, and its the chefs challenge to figure it out.

Like they can ask indirect questions only, whats your favorite dish, whatd you eat over christmas.

Half of the stuff in the basket they hate. Its up to the chef to figure it out and not use it, or use it in a way they wont realize.

I'd watch it

Is pay to see Gordon ramsay tell some lady to go fuck herself because she doesn't soufflé.

Could have specific groups like a bunch of pissed off neurotic NY businessmen, then have a bunch of surfers from Cali, next get a group of good ol' boys from the south.

Potential groups:

-Frat guys

-Sorority girls

-Professional fighters

-Infants

-Chimps

-Infant chimps

-The NRA

-Southern preachers (possibly some overlap with the above)

-NAMBLA (also possibly some overlap with the above)

-The Cleveland Browns

Then maybe someone can finally beat Bobby Fillet

"Its really expensive!!"

"yes but it doesn't taste well"

"Well that is not the point of gourmet food!"

Nah they should just run this idea with chefs cooking for Karl pilkington every week. Ricky picks the chefs of course

Even better twist... the chefs are told they are serving the one group but then they get switched with another group. So Chefs 1-4 are told they are going to be serving 80 year olds and Chefs 5-8 are told they will be serving preschoolers.... then bam switch the test audience.

Meanwhile at Buzzfeed...

This sort of happened at a homebrewing competition I was in. The judges missed their flight and so they had people voting instead. I brewed a 12.5 percent imperial porter fermented over 8 months with 2 yeasts and aged for 2 years. People were walking by it saying "I don't like dark beers". The guy who came in first place told me it was the finest beer he had ever tasted.

Kids would ruin it because they're little shits. It would be funny once, but random people from some flyover state would be hilarious

They should call the show "Amateur Hour".

Once it got big you could bring in celebrities who don't know shit about food either. Get the guys from Jackass or something in there.

They've definitely done that in top chef before. I think the big difference is that the main judges still made the decision

Kids would be like "eww what's that brown thing?!" "Truffle..." "ewwww"

That reminds me of this clip I saw some time ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC4OqdZElX8

I win the 1.5billion jackpot i'm making this.

But mix it up. Sometimes it really is professional critics.

I knew this lady in Brazil- wonderful woman, one of my best friends out there- who, while she was pregnant, absent-mindedly ate the lid off of her clay water filter. She'd occasionally pick off a little piece of it and eat it; her body was craving it. Pregnant ladies get some strange cravings.

Easy. Get 'em some pizza rolls and Tyson chicken nuggets. That money is mine.

Be careful, Fine Bros. may sue.

Well little kids would be accurate because they don't lie. Just like when a little kid says you're ugly, you're ugly

No, you just ruined the show. I don't want predictable outcomes. Just randomize amateur food critics.

I like this. Great explanation of a great concept that I would watch.

It seems a lot of people don't watch Masterchef. About 1/4 of the challenges are decided by a vote of a crowd of regular people eating the contestants' food, but the hosts provide color-commentary during the challenge.

Every amateur judge should be from either Philly or south Boston.

What if they mixed in the actual critics with the rest of the amateurs until the actual tasting?

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pulls out a bag of chips

OMG, you just made me picture my Mom, ordering hot cakes at McDonald's and then pulling a full-sized bottle of sugar-free syrup out of her huge purse to put on them!

My wife actually left me sitting at our table at a local steakhouse to run to the market across the street because they didn't serve A-1.

Took my dad to a very expensive steak house for his birthday. One of those restaurants with no prices on the menu. Orders a hundred dollar steak and demands that it be cooked well done. Waiter says they don't do that, he gets the manager over and tells him that the waiter wants to give him food poisoning. Most embarrassing shit ever. He'd be a good judge for this show. "I'd like your finest box wine please to pair with my charcoal meat. Under 12 dollars."

chef tries to hide his horrified expression

I ate a beautiful, rare 12oz filet a few weeks ago at Bobby Van's.

I used the supplied sauces on 50% of my bites.

hashtagclass

You're giving me flashbacks to working in a restaurant

I, uh... I like my steak well done and put a healthy dose of A1 sauce on it. ._.

For the longest time I thought it was Al barbecues sauce, not A1

"Yeah, I don't recall asking for excuses... I believe I asked for a bacon sandwich."

And we found the drunk/high Judges

cymbals progressively get louder

Yeah, when you're trying to make food that tastes good to people who don't know about food, all you have to do is add as much butter/fat as possible to the meal.

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http://gfycat.com/ShinyDisguisedCattle

http://imgur.com/kqT4Q5i

What show is that

I bet Simon's dishes are better than Gordon's singing.

On Gordon Ramsay's show F Word, he'll often cook head to head against celebrities. He occasionally loses.

Gordon breaks out into Beastie boys "yell rapping". Cowbell rolls his eyes and Gordon says Simon will like what he tells him to like.

Like a reversed Chopped Junior

I remember at least one episode of Worst Cooks in America where they were cooking for a group of kids. The kids have very different judging standards from the professional judges, some of the contestants got by on having food that the judges disliked but the kids absolutely loved.

I especially enjoyed the juxtaposition because half of the people were on the show to learn how to cook food that their kids would actually eat, so the kid-reviews were actually more significant to them than the judges' reviews.

Picky and obnoxious adults would be better. It's not like they're hard to find, especially not amongst people who want to be on television.

Doritos flavored ice cream....better mail that idea to myself before somebody steals it.

I'm gonna try that tonight. I'll update with the verdict

Edit: French vanilla with spicy nacho doritos, it's okay

Nah, you are thinking of Scott Conant. Unless they both hate red onion. But yeah it was super shitty-- he can't make 3 separate dishes based on your preferences. Put the personal dislike aside!

Then the chef did it again the next round. That was fuckin hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-k_0WIfZ7k

I would love some gourmet pizza rolls. All the convenience of a pizza rolls, but you wouldn't have to think "I'm putting garbage into my body right now" with every bite.

Iron Chef occasionally has Jeffrey Steingarten or Donatella Arpeggio. Besides that, yeah, totally Iron Chef. Mario Batalli quit the show specifically because half the judges didn't know anything.

And about 1/4 of the challenges on Masterchef.

This is basically Iron Chef (the original Japanese version)

The guest panel that judged the winner consisted of 4 people, which was a rotating group of these 4 archetypes:

A) Knowledgeable food journalist. Blows their load about every single technique and ingredient used. Everything tasted is literally the best ever.

B) Culinary critic, usually a former chef, that has some chip on his shoulder about something. Insufferable. Everything is unoriginal or uninspired, but tastes good.

C) Celebrity of the month. Any athlete, actor, singer, musician, politician they can possibly rope in. Often an attractive asian girl that says the food is icky.

These 3 (or 4 or 5 later) goofs judge the competition. It was sad, because the chefs really took the competition seriously and winning brought great honor.... but I saw a few chefs lose by a point or two because the celebrity literally said they don't like Roe when the them ingredient is a goddam fish.

Bring on the chicken nuggets. I'm sure Bobby Flay can make some tasty BBQ sauce to go along with them too. That'd get my vote any day.

There's like three perfect uses of "spurts" and ketchup is one of them. Also the only one of the three that's SFW.

http://i.imgur.com/aBFV4oZ.png

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Maybe it's strawberries with cream :)

Whatever it is I can't like it

crème fraise

Think "cashew milk." It's strawberry cream. Strawberries are somewhere around 0.3% fat, so there IS a way.

Cream strawberries really.

I was worried for a second I'd been spelling it wrong this whole time

"I'll take my steak well done."

After two bites.

"Excuse me, this steak is dry it's not juicy at all. Let me see your manager I'm not paying for this."

Most chefs have worked up from the bottom.

I doubt they'd appreciate you part time college waiters telling them they have it easy with their years of washing up, peeling potatoes and chopping vegetables 12 hours a day.

I work at a bar. The single most common bitchfests I hear from the bartenders is when customers, rudely, tell them exactly how to make the drink, down to methods, tools, and specific alcohols.

Its okay to say "I want a Ketel One and Red Bull (ick)" but when you start naming tools and tell a bartender he's shaking your martini too hard (BTW, a shaken martini is just saying "I want it watered down) he wants to punch you in the genitals.

Someone said "I'm not eating this" to a server because we serve single dish meals...

(think rice,pasta, stamp pot,fish. All very good and a new menu every day, but is isn't a *** restaurant)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-k_0WIfZ7k

Why does this not have more upvotes?

(presents 13-tier cake, each with its own individual fillings and icings, topped with perfect 10:1 scale model of the Eiffel tower rendered in chocolate)

"A bit cinnamony in the fifth layer for my tastes."

barbecue bacon mushroom bleu cheese & garlic aioli.

You know what this is? This is how restaurant covers the fact that they bought really shitty cuts.

"I prefer chicken."

I wish I could find this rant I saw a few years ago. So NYC has Restaurant Week where all these 4- and 5- star places will create prix fixe menus so that the "average" Joe can come in and for $50 get to have a meal that would normally cost $250, and it's a great way to nibble on how the other half lives. Some chef wrote a three-page rant in the Gothamist comment section about how much he loathed Restaurant Week, cooking for the uncultured swine that who could never possibly appreciate what he was trying to create, how he wished they would all stay in their holes and on and on. The guy snapped and it was a beautiful thing to see.

My roommate won that show.

Same roommate who got her ass grabbed by Mario Batalli elsewhere in this comment section.

I was thinking that too. Although, hey, what the hell, strawberry cream sounds pretty good.

I didn't think I'd like Worst Cook in America, but the characters on the show keep it pretty interesting.

The Great British Bake Off is impossibly addictive in ways that are equally impossible to quantify.

And if you've never seen the British version of Hell's Kitchen, do yourself a favor and get on it. Focuses way more on teaching them to run a kitchen and less on screaming and artificial tear-jerker moments.

It's also based on opinion to a certain extent.

Hmm, I disagree. A food can taste good and still be prepared incorrectly.

If I ask for a sunny side up egg and get an over easy, I am going to say that was a poorly prepared dish, even if it tasted good.

That is a really black and white example, but it illustrates the point.

Or let us take a more personal example- I am really picky about bagels. I don't know how it happened, but I became a bagel snob. Like, I started making authentic bagels - properly handled, shaped, proofed, boiled and baked. It made me realize what bagels are supposed to be. Now, whenever I have a bagel somewhere I am looking for those qualities. The bagel you get from Dunkin may taste good, in the sense that it is bread and cream cheese, but it doesn't taste, look or feel like what a bagel should be, so a food critic would not rate it favorably.

Wot? Sour cream is totally different than any of the other days/creams you mention and serves a different role.

Creme fraiche on strawberries? Absolutely. On a baked potato? No, no no no.

You shut your hole.

Whenever I open a new thingy of sour cream, I always take a couple of straight spoonfuls just for me. Num num.

I put it on my tacos and it's really really good

That is... literally the complete opposite of Master chef.