That's odd, the first thing out of my mouth was "I will have such revenges on you both, That all the world shall--I will do such things,-- What they are, yet I know not: but they shall be The terrors of the earth."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:10 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first words would have been great, but I couldn't even count to swifty five.
I mean, my parents tell me that it took me longer to speak than normal,but I didn't start spouting long, well constructed sentences. I just never shut the fuck up.
Nonono, start with Slow Time. Think of the septims money he could grab while time is slowed down.
grlap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:00:22 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I spent too long in a waiting room with an annoying child earlier, I just wanted to throw it off a cliff with no repercussions
QuestItem ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 02:01:33 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha le Skyrim! XD
The_Dok ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:11:15 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean you don't have to be a prick about it
woohoo ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:49:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no no, this post is 100% true. If I recall correctly, my mother was trying to get me to say 'mama' and I replied "These violent delights have violent ends. And in their triump die, like fire and powder
Which, as they kiss, consume"
When I was a kid I was convinced I wrote some redonkulous math equation that would solve everything. It was all jibberish. Your nephew is probably trying to dictate to you his 1year autobiography in dinosaur talk.
Apparently my first words were "Mama mama", folowed soon after by "Can you please explain to me the state of the current electoral vote, because I'm concerned for my generation and the world yours is leaving us."
[deleted] ยท 163 points ยท Posted at 20:24:25 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Honey, is the baby asleep?"
"No. He is woke af."
[deleted] ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 17:06:17 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a woke child.
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:43:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
"This is far from a new issue. Every generation's misfortune is a product of its preceding generation. But there is no greater misfortune, my friends, than losing the love of one's parents by criticizing them based only on seniority alone." -My 2 year old, powerful.
Posting from my mother's womb and I must say that you are both impeccably spoken! Shall we discuss the works of Shakespeare and the modern economical climate or ponder the existence of mankind and our intrepid and inevitable expedition into damnation by our own hands?
You clearly don't have quite the intellect I have pursued, I have even erected this satellite and router, giving me unlimited Wifi. And before you sob "But I am in my mother's womb, giving me petite amounts of materials to build a machine!" I have created this comment exactly 29 years, 8 months, 17 days, 6 hours, and 23 seconds before my conception. My parents aren't even born yet.
ThorCoop ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:37:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Talisign ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 18:51:24 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure language stages are just an urban myth. Why would you let your child just babble for the first few months when you could encourage them to speak in complete sentences?
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 19:09:45 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really you don't do either of these things. You just talk to them, they pick it up.
I am a professional speech analyst and can tell you this is definitely how child language acquisition works. Do you have a degree in this field? No? Then I suggest you stop spreading bullshit. Someone needs to ban this guy.
100$% true, I repeat "I'd like another bottle of milk please" to my baby every night
adansey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:49:05 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
children go through stages, babbling, holophrastic, two word, telegraphic. They tend to leave out function words like auxiliaries, prepositions, particles etc. "more milk please" "all gone milk" "nother bottle milk" would be more common at two and definitely not the first words they ever said...
However, before this your sibling is likely to have formed the sounds and tried them out. E.g. 'Muh' 'Dah'. Technically, she would have been sounding the words out, but not fully recognizable as a fully formed word.
There's an old joke about a German baby who didn't speak and didn't speak and didn't speak until he was ten. Suddenly, he said, "This strudel is a bit dry". His parents were amazed and asked why he'd never spoken before. "Until now," he responded, "everything has been satisfactory."
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:25 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ArttuH5N1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:21:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like with almost any joke, there's a lot of variations of it.
[deleted] ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 20:38:59 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first words were "Mama"
Followed by "Just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead. Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away".
Cageweek ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:52:57 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was a weird kid too. "Mama ..." "Oooh..." "Didn't mean to make you cry ..."
7thPwnist ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 15:56:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt always insists that my first 'words' were "Michael Jordan plays basketball." and I'm like "Yeah, seems improbable."
gordo65 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 21:15:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother swore that my first words were "I want to go to school too", spoken when I was three. She was a pathological liar, though, so that story probably isn't true.
7thPwnist ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:27:50 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, my aunt is one too. Just constant made up shit.
Tyloor ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:52:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your aunt is one? Let us know what her first words are!
When the time is 3 the hands on the clock form an L.
Clock minus L is cock.
Which tells us everything. His aunt is a pathological liar and always making stuff up, because you see, his aunt...[tense pause as i remove my glasses]...is actually his uncle.
[gasps of shock]
Twas a fiendish ploy, but the clues were there from the start. Its almost like he wanted to be caught.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:22:23 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"And I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"
Tyloor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:45 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's all become clear
Vurnnun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:51:59 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my mum told me that my first words were the bee movie script. it wasnt even released at the time. yet again my mum told me i was born on midnight, and since i was born on the 31st Dec that'd make me born in Jan
gordo65 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:11 on December 15, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. That was another lie told to us by my mother. My sister was born Aug 27, and I was born two years later on Aug 28. My mother swore that my sister was born 5 minutes before midnight, and I was born 5 minutes after midnight. My dad never called her out on this bullshit, but after I moved out I asked him directly, and he said that he remembers my sister being born in the early evening, and me being born in the afternoon.
orestes1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:07:14 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She's not lying I was there, Jessica.
Note: I'm totally not lying and saying a random name.
RainWelsh ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 15:51:02 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like my first word fits in with this post. I'd been babbling for a while, but no actual speech. Then one day I was in my buggy in the corner shop, and some old woman leaned over to poke at my face, or whatever it is that geriatrics do to babies. I looked up at her, smiled, and proudly announced, "Bollocks."
And that's what these posts are. Utter bollocks.
Arsinoei ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:36:12 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and like 20,000 people would have seen this and like 20,000 of those tumblr teenagers would now believe that this is actually possible.
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 19:04:48 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's possible that tumblr bloggers reblog it because they think it's funny, not because they think it's real. it's kind of like when advice animal memes were super new, and all the situations were fake but we didn't care because it was about the character in the picture (not to sound like a hipster or anything just trying to draw parallels.) sometimes they're even self-aware; I remember a post that was like:
I saw a random girl with pink hair in walmart and said I found her tumblr and all the color drained from her face
YOU ASSHOLE THAT WAS ME
no it wasn't I made this up for notes
however this is reddit, where we hate all media time wasters but ours, and there's no way that out of the thousands of bloggers that reblogged this, some think it's just a post for the notes. every single one thinks it's fact.
RedMare ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 16:49:33 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is possible, the same thing happened to my brother. His first words were a full sentence, "I don't want any more mashed potatoes". He was almost three at the time, so a pretty late talker.
So... I read up on this. Apparently, autistic children do, sometimes, only start speaking fairly lately (Likely relative to the time average children start speaking), but when they do start speaking, they can only say single words, as opposed to sentences with several words. Another thing that can happen is "Loss of speech skill at any age", although none of the articles gave an example of an autistic child that started speaking again after that, there was only one describing an 8-year-old that communicates via signs and just now started writing, yet, the only things he does write are singular words, as opposed to full sentences as u/RedMare had suggested.
RedMare ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 18:40:38 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey friend, it looks like you're getting all of your info from Google, and don't actually know anything about this subject... So please butt out.
Skipping "baby talk" isn't exactly common but it does happen with autistic kids. There's plenty of posts about it in autism forums if you want to look there, although it's not well-studied because it's a very difficult thing to actually do studies on.
Well, yeah, I'm getting my information off of Google, which can arguably be more reliable than some random forum post.
To be fair, I sorta overread the autistic part beforehand, so as not to have to delete my comment and walk away in shame I decided to do some research on it.
So, reading up on something, like, totally doesn't give you, like, any real knowledge or experience in like, whatever it is you're, like, reading on.
As a parent of a child with delayed speech, one thing I know for certain is that every child is different. The first recognizable thing my child said was "here it is". Let's leave the declarative statements to the professionals shall we
But if they've never spoken before how do they know how to sound the words? Isn't a part of learning to speak figuring out how to actually make the correct sounds with your mouth?
That would still men that their first words are still only words and not full-on sentences. I mean, technicality states that their first words can be considered the ones that are heard by other people, but that's only technicality.
RedMare ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:04:50 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother is autistic, you can't apply norms from neurotypical kids to autistic kids.
I've heard that it's useful to sign to baby as well as talking, even some basic sign language, since it's easier for them to learn, and will help them to express what they want sooner.
Kittyk4y ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:38:44 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's true! My mom has a degree in ASL and she taught me (and my dad) some super basic signs - hungry, thirsty, yes, no, more, etc before I could speak. I was able to "tell" my parents a lot of useful things and my mom got to practice her ASL!
I'm currently trying to learn ASL, and I'm so in love with it, I think everyone should know at least some of it! It's great fun learning it, some signs are hilarious, like "dance" or "never", and everything makes sense!
Kittyk4y ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:54 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the coolest thing about learning it so young is that I still remember some of the signs. It actually came in handy when I worked at fast food! Had a little girl who was deaf ordering for herself and I was able to understand without her mom translating for the most part. I love the funny signs, and the punny ones are my favorites (like pasteurized milk!!)
For anyone reading who might be interested in learning sign language or teaching some to their child, keep in mind "ASL" is just the North American language. If you're not American your country probably has its own sign language.
I only mention this because you wouldn't want to just pick up some signs from YouTube tutorials if your country signs a different language. I'm taking up an Auslan course next year which is Australian sign - and when I've spoken to friends about being interested in learning sign language so many of them referred to it as 'ASL', or showed me youtube links/phone apps they've been using that has been teaching them ASL.
If you only want a few signs to use with your baby, it probably doesn't really matter, but thought it would be good to mention.
I'm not really sure, to be honest! Ask me again in a year's time once I've completed my Cert II haha. I only know fingerspelling for Auslan, and I can tell you Auslan is vastly different to ASL there. You may as well compare English and Magyar. Here's a few images I've found comparing them.
Auslan and BSL (British Sign Language) seem to be the same fingerspelling wise, don't know about the rest of the language.
I taught my child only three signs, food, more, and drink. Couple those with nods for yes and no and I'm telling you it was one of the greatest things I did. It practically eliminated most meltdowns (on both our parts) due to not knowing what the kid wanted
Amazinc ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:08:58 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just have to give them a Quaalude to pipe down.
Picodick ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:18:26 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son would speak only minimally until nearly age 3. yes no mama dad. Otherwise he would point and grunt to get what he wanted. He started with a new sitter. After 3 days with her he said"mama make me a sandwich" to me. Seems until he had to talk he didn't. She had told him no food or drink unless he asked. He is 31 now.
Just the other day I found a toddler in my kitchen drinking gin. "All life is pain" he said, "yet we endure despite our protestations." I had never seen him before and angrily told him he was trespassing and to get out of my house, he made an indifferent shrug and left.
I don't know. My grandma says my dad didn't speak until he was two, and when he finally spoke it was a simple sentence. Apparently his hand gestures weren't noticed, so he spoke instead.
Up until that point, she been concerned he was autistic and took him to multiple psychologists/doctors because he would not speak. She jokes that he never spoke because he couldn't get a word in edgewise between her, her daughter, and her mother.
My mother recently admitted to me that she thought I was autistic my whole life because I've gone about things a little differently that way. I started speaking pretty late, but I made the jump from single words to sentences faster than most kids.
So I can't know if its true, because I'm the child in the story, but my family claims that my first "words" were "fries for (name) mouth" when my mom drove by a McDonalds.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:31:24 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's first word was "Give me back my damn cake". It was his birthday party, and his aunt took away his cake. True story.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:02:59 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first sentence was โIโll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s (one with cheese), and a large soda.โ
Literally did not happen... I would say if I didn't know about the stringent r/thathappened vetting process which ensures that only $100% true stories make it on the sub.
Omygod, my little brother's first words were "E=Mc2"
Kids who can state and explain the theory of relativity before they can say "mama" are the fucking greatest.
scyaxe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:03:28 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
okay but what if every time you spoke to your child you just said "bourgeoisie scum" in a really happy voice? and then when it started getting older and could replicate words right away and could say sentences you taught them to say stuff like "it belongs to the collective" and "seize the means of production"? i need sleep...
This actually sometimes happens. Not with toddlers, though. And of course the bragging on social media doesn't make it very likely in this specific case.
I'm a PHD Harvard Law student and I'm 55 and this is my first sentence.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:28:52 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me rage. You can't do that. It's like saying that one day my kids who didn't learn to walk or stand yet showed me that he could do a gymnastics routine
Creepy coincidence, I was a late bloomer with language (yes I'm being serious) My mom keeps telling me about a story where I was at a time when I wouldn't talk to/make eye contact with anyone, than one day we went somewhere where we could get breakfeast, so apperently I looked up to the waitress and said: "side of bacon please" That isn't the craziest part.
My first word was "car" and my second was "K-Mart."
warsage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:22 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Name that book! No Google allowed!
Meg had realized that some of the "games" her parents played with her were tests of some kind, and that there had been more for her and Charles Wallace than for the twins.
"IQ tests, you mean?"
"Yes, some of them."
"Is my IQ okay?"
"More than okay."
"What is it?"
"That I'm not going to tell you. But it assures me that both you and Charles Wallace will be able to do pretty much whatever you like when you grow up to yourselves. You just wait till Charles Wallace starts to talk. You'll see."
How right he had been about that, though he himself had left before Charles Wallace began to speak, suddenly, with none of the usual baby preliminaries, using entire sentences. How proud he would have been!
limonce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:25 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Wrinkle in Time, right? That's what I thought of when I read this post.
warsage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:32 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:38 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids are so fake these days
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:11 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally what reason is there for this image being so damn low quality, I mean seriously, did someone take a picture of their screen with a camera?
The first one is clearly bullshit, but my mom says I had a similar experience to the second one. Not the full sentence, but I went from single words to "pass the milk please" at the dinner table one day.
Now, my mom might be an Irish catholic, but I don't think she'd make up a story or anything.
My kid is 1 and says mama, Dada, cookie, baba, and he tries to say the alphabet buy it just sort of comes out like noises in the alphabet cadence. "ah ba eh de ha ba de" ect
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:18 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are exaggerations but some toddlers do skip to talking in complete sentences.
My son is about 18 months. If he's emotional he'll say a full sentence like "No NO No I WANT DADDY/MOMMY NOW" or "I love balloon" but most of the time it's like the most simple words. He also has a favorite word of the month that he'll repeat constantly.
My first words were "we must seize the means of production and overthrow the bourgeoisie" followed by "just kidding Marx was an idiot" needless to say, I was the top economist in daycare
To be fair, my first word was "ungulate" - a waving, rhythmic like motion. But mostly because that's what my dad claimed he heard and decided he liked, therefore I have no clue what my actual real first word was.
True story.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:40 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kid held a door for me at the mall today saying "Come on in!"
Twatson8 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:27 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I know what sub this is, but I was actually one of those kids. I didn't talk until I was 3, then suddenly responded to something my brother asked me with a full sentence. It can happen.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 21:25:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom said I was actually like this.... not to the extend of accurate politeness and such but I went from not speaking to using sentences... I've read it shows signs of genius or some shit. Idk sometimes I feel like an idiot so that's probs wrong
Saved comment
Belephron ยท 1175 points ยท Posted at 15:50:35 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know that Shakespeare didn't say a word until he was 30, and then he said a whole play one day. True story.
PooptyPewptyPaints ยท 333 points ยท Posted at 16:05:50 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's weird, my first words were 'wherefore art thou Romeo?', but nobody in my family had ever even heard of Shakespeare.
MarsBars4Lyfe ยท 150 points ยท Posted at 16:17:27 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have they heard of Einstein?
[deleted] ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 17:42:20 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
XoXFaby ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:47:07 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
but who is phone?
calsaw12 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:34:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this the Krusty Krab?
Twizzlerman123 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:33:28 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
NO, THIS IS PATRICK!!!!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:41:02 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Sergeant_Qwertzy ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:26:45 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who are you call'n Pinhead?
Twizzlerman123 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:34:48 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
HELLO? Yes this is dog
A_Salty_Scrub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:26 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
MiningdiamondsVIII ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:25:18 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"the soup is too hot"
So the story is kind of accurate?
gordo65 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:12:45 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're lucky. My first words were, "Oh, happy dagger!", so I was confined to a straight jacket and a Hannibal Lecter mask until I was seven.
ffkhrocks ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:51:27 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's odd, the first thing out of my mouth was "I will have such revenges on you both, That all the world shall--I will do such things,-- What they are, yet I know not: but they shall be The terrors of the earth."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:10 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first words would have been great, but I couldn't even count to swifty five.
TimmyFuckinLannister ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:32:55 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Whatchyou say!?
ffkhrocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:59 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You talkin about the Cereal Bawks?
peppermint_nightmare ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:58:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That play's name? Albert Einstein...
deerstop ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:51:31 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespearestein.
slayerx1779 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:23 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, my parents tell me that it took me longer to speak than normal,but I didn't start spouting long, well constructed sentences. I just never shut the fuck up.
BrentDjently ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:07 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That man's name?
Albert Einstein.
d4hm3r ยท 589 points ยท Posted at 11:22:09 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit, my nephew is 1 and all he does is make dinosaur noises.
roboticbrady ยท 506 points ยท Posted at 13:52:03 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They are probably full dinosaur sentences.
Randomerpro ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 14:58:16 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're on to something..
Be right back, gotta poke some holes.
seedlesssoul ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 17:18:33 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't poke holes in the kid!
brzztffn ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 17:40:35 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Poke holes in his back, so he can breathe.
seedlesssoul ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:37:41 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a jar to keep frogs in!
Plain_Bread ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:00:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not with that attitude...
LordNoodles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:53 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why don't you instead take a seat.
gundog48 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:46:29 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"This is a fertile land and we shall thrive"
[deleted] ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 19:15:58 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 22 and all I do is make dinosaur noises
PooptyPewptyPaints ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 16:05:07 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believe your sibling may have, in fact, birthed a dinosaur
avz7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:02:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or a large egg?
The_Dok ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 18:28:31 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He might be speaking dragon. Test his Thu'um, and see if he's Dovahkiin
grlap ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:32:48 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Start with Become Ethereal.
TheDwarvesCarst ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:08:12 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nonono, start with Slow Time. Think of the
septimsmoney he could grab while time is slowed down.grlap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:00:22 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I spent too long in a waiting room with an annoying child earlier, I just wanted to throw it off a cliff with no repercussions
QuestItem ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 02:01:33 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha le Skyrim! XD
The_Dok ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:11:15 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean you don't have to be a prick about it
woohoo ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:49:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
no no, this post is 100% true. If I recall correctly, my mother was trying to get me to say 'mama' and I replied "These violent delights have violent ends. And in their triump die, like fire and powder Which, as they kiss, consume"
jumpsplat120 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:14:55 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And then you killed your mother, Wyatt?
Shroffinator ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:33:58 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I was convinced I wrote some redonkulous math equation that would solve everything. It was all jibberish. Your nephew is probably trying to dictate to you his 1year autobiography in dinosaur talk.
WHY AREN'T YOU WRITTING ANY OF THIS DOWN??!!
cheesyitem ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:35:07 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Guess he's not as smart as Eli
Greatoni123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one is as smart as me.
stephjuan ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:39:32 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Rawr xD??
hazysummersky ยท 578 points ยท Posted at 16:49:15 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently my first words were "Mama mama", folowed soon after by "Can you please explain to me the state of the current electoral vote, because I'm concerned for my generation and the world yours is leaving us."
[deleted] ยท 163 points ยท Posted at 20:24:25 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Honey, is the baby asleep?" "No. He is woke af."
[deleted] ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 17:06:17 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a woke child.
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:43:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ArttuH5N1 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:19:14 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely a strange one.
in-a-far-off-land ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 22:15:35 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Vurnnun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:41:31 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woke isn't a new word. It's the context its been put in thats new.
MaximumBob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:13 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This dude is kinda woke.
serioussmackdown ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:44:19 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"This is far from a new issue. Every generation's misfortune is a product of its preceding generation. But there is no greater misfortune, my friends, than losing the love of one's parents by criticizing them based only on seniority alone." -My 2 year old, powerful.
fayettevillainjd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:12:32 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
something something quantum physics
Zinski ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:59:15 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"here comes the airplane. Open wide. Say ahhhh"
"Mamma, jet fuel can't melt steel beams
adansey ยท 883 points ยท Posted at 14:54:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that is not how child language acquisition works...
roboticbrady ยท 900 points ยท Posted at 15:55:40 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good sir, I cordially disagree with your stated point of view on the subject matter - BTW I'm 1 and this is my first sentence.
WatchPointer ยท 211 points ยท Posted at 16:18:14 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I believe that the point you bring up is most agreeable.
And yes, I am 2 months old
zeeshadowfox ยท 160 points ยท Posted at 16:38:06 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Posting from my mother's womb and I must say that you are both impeccably spoken! Shall we discuss the works of Shakespeare and the modern economical climate or ponder the existence of mankind and our intrepid and inevitable expedition into damnation by our own hands?
...the WiFi is really bad in here. :(
boxkiller2 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:12:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly don't have quite the intellect I have pursued, I have even erected this satellite and router, giving me unlimited Wifi. And before you sob "But I am in my mother's womb, giving me petite amounts of materials to build a machine!" I have created this comment exactly 29 years, 8 months, 17 days, 6 hours, and 23 seconds before my conception. My parents aren't even born yet.
ThorCoop ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:37:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The butter is in the fridge.
drdanieldoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:11 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
*economic climate
Talisign ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 18:51:24 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure language stages are just an urban myth. Why would you let your child just babble for the first few months when you could encourage them to speak in complete sentences?
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 19:09:45 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Really you don't do either of these things. You just talk to them, they pick it up.
ProllyJustWantsKarma ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 20:03:27 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But babbling in babies is a stage in human language acquisition. He's being sarcastic, though.
gordo65 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:10:29 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think he's serious.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:52:19 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is how it works when one first posts to Reddit.
insertpithywiticism ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:37:51 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I went from 'mama' to sentences, but the sentences were things like "What that?" and "I want pish."
gattagofaster ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:22:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am a professional speech analyst and can tell you this is definitely how child language acquisition works. Do you have a degree in this field? No? Then I suggest you stop spreading bullshit. Someone needs to ban this guy.
peppermint_m ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:10:49 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for your input Noambert Chomstein
cherrybomb0_0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:46:10 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you could say he's not a virgin anymore ๐
Ifuckedyourgrandma ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:31:52 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Vigin*
FTFY
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 21:32:31 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
efie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:50:42 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Woosh
prince147 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:00:24 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Are you saying Eli didn't say that? But who would lie on the Internet about something like that?
rinacio ยท -14 points ยท Posted at 23:20:51 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My little sister's first words were "Mom" "dad" and "there she is". As long as you repeat something to them very often they'll copy it eventually.
Having that said "I'd like another bottle of milk please" seems a bit too long, but I don't think it's impossible.
E: r/nothingeverhappens
sergeantloser ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:25:58 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
100$% true, I repeat "I'd like another bottle of milk please" to my baby every night
adansey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:49:05 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
children go through stages, babbling, holophrastic, two word, telegraphic. They tend to leave out function words like auxiliaries, prepositions, particles etc. "more milk please" "all gone milk" "nother bottle milk" would be more common at two and definitely not the first words they ever said...
i-love-the-pink-one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:29 on January 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
However, before this your sibling is likely to have formed the sounds and tried them out. E.g. 'Muh' 'Dah'. Technically, she would have been sounding the words out, but not fully recognizable as a fully formed word.
Smeghead333 ยท 237 points ยท Posted at 17:26:12 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There's an old joke about a German baby who didn't speak and didn't speak and didn't speak until he was ten. Suddenly, he said, "This strudel is a bit dry". His parents were amazed and asked why he'd never spoken before. "Until now," he responded, "everything has been satisfactory."
YourInnerScrub ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 19:31:52 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Is this joke so unfunny because like the baby it's from Germany?
Sniggleboots ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 20:03:20 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's not particularly funny until you realise that most iterations of this joke feature the actual Albert Einstein. How's that for meta.
Call2222222 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 22:31:03 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, how lame am I? I actually thought it was pretty funny.
Cpapa97 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:07:29 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you're really lame. But that's ok, me too.
pecuchet ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:19:16 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's all in the way it's told.
CivilNassar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:41 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Have you never seen any of Martina Hill's sketches? She's German and she's hilarious.
Muzer0 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:01:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For the best telling ever of this joke: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48aUMXifAn8
LoveFoolosophy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:42 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everything is better with Alan Davies.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:52 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Here it is on QI
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:25 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ArttuH5N1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:21:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like with almost any joke, there's a lot of variations of it.
[deleted] ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 20:38:59 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first words were "Mama"
Followed by "Just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead. Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away".
Cageweek ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:52:57 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was a weird kid too. "Mama ..." "Oooh..." "Didn't mean to make you cry ..."
7thPwnist ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 15:56:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt always insists that my first 'words' were "Michael Jordan plays basketball." and I'm like "Yeah, seems improbable."
the_gerund ยท 220 points ยท Posted at 16:39:46 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably interpreted that from something like:
gordo65 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 21:15:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother swore that my first words were "I want to go to school too", spoken when I was three. She was a pathological liar, though, so that story probably isn't true.
7thPwnist ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:27:50 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, my aunt is one too. Just constant made up shit.
Tyloor ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:52:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your aunt is one? Let us know what her first words are!
flamingos_world_tour ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 23:09:20 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No he said his aunt is one too.
One too, as in one two.
One two is 1 2, or twelve.
12; like the numbers on a clock.
1 and 2 is also 3.
When the time is 3 the hands on the clock form an L.
Clock minus L is cock.
Which tells us everything. His aunt is a pathological liar and always making stuff up, because you see, his aunt...[tense pause as i remove my glasses]...is actually his uncle.
[gasps of shock]
Twas a fiendish ploy, but the clues were there from the start. Its almost like he wanted to be caught.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:22:23 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"And I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"
Tyloor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:45 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's all become clear
Vurnnun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:51:59 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my mum told me that my first words were the bee movie script. it wasnt even released at the time. yet again my mum told me i was born on midnight, and since i was born on the 31st Dec that'd make me born in Jan
gordo65 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:11 on December 15, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. That was another lie told to us by my mother. My sister was born Aug 27, and I was born two years later on Aug 28. My mother swore that my sister was born 5 minutes before midnight, and I was born 5 minutes after midnight. My dad never called her out on this bullshit, but after I moved out I asked him directly, and he said that he remembers my sister being born in the early evening, and me being born in the afternoon.
orestes1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:07:14 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She's not lying I was there, Jessica.
Note: I'm totally not lying and saying a random name.
RainWelsh ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 15:51:02 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like my first word fits in with this post. I'd been babbling for a while, but no actual speech. Then one day I was in my buggy in the corner shop, and some old woman leaned over to poke at my face, or whatever it is that geriatrics do to babies. I looked up at her, smiled, and proudly announced, "Bollocks."
And that's what these posts are. Utter bollocks.
Arsinoei ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:36:12 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's fantastic. Made me laugh.
Deathsnova ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 15:14:06 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
and like 20,000 people would have seen this and like 20,000 of those tumblr teenagers would now believe that this is actually possible.
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 19:04:48 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
it's possible that tumblr bloggers reblog it because they think it's funny, not because they think it's real. it's kind of like when advice animal memes were super new, and all the situations were fake but we didn't care because it was about the character in the picture (not to sound like a hipster or anything just trying to draw parallels.) sometimes they're even self-aware; I remember a post that was like:
however this is reddit, where we hate all media time wasters but ours, and there's no way that out of the thousands of bloggers that reblogged this, some think it's just a post for the notes. every single one thinks it's fact.
Revolver15 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:28:37 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt there's that many of them. At best, it's a few crazy cat ladies with a lot of sockpuppets.
clarret ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:46:19 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You wish there weren't that many.
Revolver15 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:53:01 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It helps me sleep at night.
RedMare ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 16:49:33 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It is possible, the same thing happened to my brother. His first words were a full sentence, "I don't want any more mashed potatoes". He was almost three at the time, so a pretty late talker.
My brother is autistic though...
Herr_Gamer ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:50:52 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
~This is not how child language acquisition works, whoever told you those were his first words are a fucking liar~
tomster10010 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:55:40 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When children acquire language later (often because of autism and/or sign language) they can start with phrases.
Herr_Gamer ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:23:22 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
So... I read up on this. Apparently, autistic children do, sometimes, only start speaking fairly lately (Likely relative to the time average children start speaking), but when they do start speaking, they can only say single words, as opposed to sentences with several words. Another thing that can happen is "Loss of speech skill at any age", although none of the articles gave an example of an autistic child that started speaking again after that, there was only one describing an 8-year-old that communicates via signs and just now started writing, yet, the only things he does write are singular words, as opposed to full sentences as u/RedMare had suggested.
(Sources, all in German, as it's my native language and I actually know what to Google for: http://www.netdoktor.de/krankheiten/autismus/fruehkindlicher-autismus/ http://autismus-kultur.de/autismus/fruehkindlicher-autismus.html http://www.melodycenter.ch/german/links/autismus/eava/ )
RedMare ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 18:40:38 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hey friend, it looks like you're getting all of your info from Google, and don't actually know anything about this subject... So please butt out.
Skipping "baby talk" isn't exactly common but it does happen with autistic kids. There's plenty of posts about it in autism forums if you want to look there, although it's not well-studied because it's a very difficult thing to actually do studies on.
Herr_Gamer ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:55:35 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, yeah, I'm getting my information off of Google, which can arguably be more reliable than some random forum post.
To be fair, I sorta overread the autistic part beforehand, so as not to have to delete my comment and walk away in shame I decided to do some research on it.
instantiatedObject ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:45:39 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sorry, but actually studying and researching a topic isn't allowed. it's personal anecdotes only!
Alabastercrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:52 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should walk away in shame. It's the only noble thing to do at this point
Alabastercrab ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 07:03:24 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, reading up on something, like, totally doesn't give you, like, any real knowledge or experience in like, whatever it is you're, like, reading on.
As a parent of a child with delayed speech, one thing I know for certain is that every child is different. The first recognizable thing my child said was "here it is". Let's leave the declarative statements to the professionals shall we
tiffibean13 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 18:26:10 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It can. It's rare, but some children just choose not to speak for whatever reason, but are still picking up the language around them.
RaptorsOnBikes ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:30:47 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But if they've never spoken before how do they know how to sound the words? Isn't a part of learning to speak figuring out how to actually make the correct sounds with your mouth?
rohishimoto ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:59:57 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think many of the kids say the words when they are alone
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:19 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BunnyOppai ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:35:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That would still men that their first words are still only words and not full-on sentences. I mean, technicality states that their first words can be considered the ones that are heard by other people, but that's only technicality.
RedMare ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:04:50 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My brother is autistic, you can't apply norms from neurotypical kids to autistic kids.
Makewhatyouwant ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 17:48:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those kids weren't vaccinated. That's how that works. /s
RainbowGayUnicorn ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:33:39 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard that it's useful to sign to baby as well as talking, even some basic sign language, since it's easier for them to learn, and will help them to express what they want sooner.
Kittyk4y ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:38:44 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's true! My mom has a degree in ASL and she taught me (and my dad) some super basic signs - hungry, thirsty, yes, no, more, etc before I could speak. I was able to "tell" my parents a lot of useful things and my mom got to practice her ASL!
RainbowGayUnicorn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:40:38 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm currently trying to learn ASL, and I'm so in love with it, I think everyone should know at least some of it! It's great fun learning it, some signs are hilarious, like "dance" or "never", and everything makes sense!
Kittyk4y ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:54 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the coolest thing about learning it so young is that I still remember some of the signs. It actually came in handy when I worked at fast food! Had a little girl who was deaf ordering for herself and I was able to understand without her mom translating for the most part. I love the funny signs, and the punny ones are my favorites (like pasteurized milk!!)
RaptorsOnBikes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
For anyone reading who might be interested in learning sign language or teaching some to their child, keep in mind "ASL" is just the North American language. If you're not American your country probably has its own sign language.
I only mention this because you wouldn't want to just pick up some signs from YouTube tutorials if your country signs a different language. I'm taking up an Auslan course next year which is Australian sign - and when I've spoken to friends about being interested in learning sign language so many of them referred to it as 'ASL', or showed me youtube links/phone apps they've been using that has been teaching them ASL.
If you only want a few signs to use with your baby, it probably doesn't really matter, but thought it would be good to mention.
RainbowGayUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:34 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Out of curiosity, how different are sign languages of different countries?
RaptorsOnBikes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I'm not really sure, to be honest! Ask me again in a year's time once I've completed my Cert II haha. I only know fingerspelling for Auslan, and I can tell you Auslan is vastly different to ASL there. You may as well compare English and Magyar. Here's a few images I've found comparing them.
Auslan and BSL (British Sign Language) seem to be the same fingerspelling wise, don't know about the rest of the language.
LiquidSilver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:32 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
About as different as normal languages from different countries.
Miltage ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:41:27 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But that means I have to learn sign language. It might just be easier to not understand my children.
RainbowGayUnicorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:53 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'd think so, but that means it won't stop crying until you guess what it wants, so I'd rather sign :D
Alabastercrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:09:23 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I taught my child only three signs, food, more, and drink. Couple those with nods for yes and no and I'm telling you it was one of the greatest things I did. It practically eliminated most meltdowns (on both our parts) due to not knowing what the kid wanted
Amazinc ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:08:58 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not how it works..
ShadowfatherUSMC ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 14:22:56 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i wonder what this girl looks like, and how she spends her average day. this post hits my sweet spot really well. what a strange person this must be
BeYourShelf ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:57:43 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first words were actually a couple of "ah"s, followed by
Ro mah ro-mah-mah Gaga ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance
True story.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:28:53 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheBeardedMarxist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:00:05 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just have to give them a Quaalude to pipe down.
Picodick ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:18:26 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My son would speak only minimally until nearly age 3. yes no mama dad. Otherwise he would point and grunt to get what he wanted. He started with a new sitter. After 3 days with her he said"mama make me a sandwich" to me. Seems until he had to talk he didn't. She had told him no food or drink unless he asked. He is 31 now.
GGGilman87 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:19:47 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just the other day I found a toddler in my kitchen drinking gin. "All life is pain" he said, "yet we endure despite our protestations." I had never seen him before and angrily told him he was trespassing and to get out of my house, he made an indifferent shrug and left.
iownaguardfish ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:25:59 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. My grandma says my dad didn't speak until he was two, and when he finally spoke it was a simple sentence. Apparently his hand gestures weren't noticed, so he spoke instead.
Up until that point, she been concerned he was autistic and took him to multiple psychologists/doctors because he would not speak. She jokes that he never spoke because he couldn't get a word in edgewise between her, her daughter, and her mother.
shitposterer ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:09:11 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not beyond the pale. Late speakers do often skip the typical ma-ma/da-da stages and begin speaking in sentences.
uuntiedshoelace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:45 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mother recently admitted to me that she thought I was autistic my whole life because I've gone about things a little differently that way. I started speaking pretty late, but I made the jump from single words to sentences faster than most kids.
Jdubya0831 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:32:01 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So I can't know if its true, because I'm the child in the story, but my family claims that my first "words" were "fries for (name) mouth" when my mom drove by a McDonalds.
varisforge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:01 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom says that the first thing I said was, "M-I-L-K. That spells milk" IDK if that is true though.
AlexanderHouse ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:37:02 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is not a single capital letter in the entire post.
Was this written by e.e. cummings?
TheBeardedMarxist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:56:25 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Toddler
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:31:24 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad's first word was "Give me back my damn cake". It was his birthday party, and his aunt took away his cake. True story.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:02:59 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first sentence was โIโll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s (one with cheese), and a large soda.โ
CAugDupin ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:14:31 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That boyfriend's name? Albert Einstein.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:20 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That other babies name? Barrack Obama.
Michaelphelpsisquick ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:42:42 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
r/MyKidIsAnHonorsStudent
hrbuchanan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:06:48 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
kids who don't talk until they can bust out a whole sentence are the fucking least existent
BrolestBrolin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:32:48 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally did not happen... I would say if I didn't know about the stringent r/thathappened vetting process which ensures that only $100% true stories make it on the sub.
ComicCroc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:26 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Omygod, my little brother's first words were "E=Mc2"
Kids who can state and explain the theory of relativity before they can say "mama" are the fucking greatest.
scyaxe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:03:28 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
okay but what if every time you spoke to your child you just said "bourgeoisie scum" in a really happy voice? and then when it started getting older and could replicate words right away and could say sentences you taught them to say stuff like "it belongs to the collective" and "seize the means of production"? i need sleep...
The_dogman123456 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:18 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first word was "Lol" followed by the first 20 integers of Pi.
Randall_Hickey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:43 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I suggest looking up Selective Mutism
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:59 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm calling r/quityourbullshit on this.
DerTrickIstZuAtmen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:12 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
This actually sometimes happens. Not with toddlers, though. And of course the bragging on social media doesn't make it very likely in this specific case.
AHickey1995 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:39:18 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a PHD Harvard Law student and I'm 55 and this is my first sentence.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:28:52 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This made me rage. You can't do that. It's like saying that one day my kids who didn't learn to walk or stand yet showed me that he could do a gymnastics routine
Greatoni123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:41:57 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Creepy coincidence, I was a late bloomer with language (yes I'm being serious) My mom keeps telling me about a story where I was at a time when I wouldn't talk to/make eye contact with anyone, than one day we went somewhere where we could get breakfeast, so apperently I looked up to the waitress and said: "side of bacon please" That isn't the craziest part.
steak4take ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:03 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The thing about these kids is that they were silent throughout most their teens.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:15 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Eli.
kells236420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:16 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my kid said motorcycles go brooom broom and Pepere rides one all before he ever said mama...that asshole always makes me wait till last.
newaccount21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:59 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My first word was "car" and my second was "K-Mart."
warsage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:22 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Name that book! No Google allowed!
limonce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:25 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A Wrinkle in Time, right? That's what I thought of when I read this post.
warsage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:32 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:38 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kids are so fake these days
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:11 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally what reason is there for this image being so damn low quality, I mean seriously, did someone take a picture of their screen with a camera?
Adelaidekris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:52 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this is almost as bad as parents that say their kids first word was "bah" or some shit like that.
Dont_Eat_Poison ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:01 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The first one is clearly bullshit, but my mom says I had a similar experience to the second one. Not the full sentence, but I went from single words to "pass the milk please" at the dinner table one day.
Now, my mom might be an Irish catholic, but I don't think she'd make up a story or anything.
gregzillaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:51 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My kid is 1 and says mama, Dada, cookie, baba, and he tries to say the alphabet buy it just sort of comes out like noises in the alphabet cadence. "ah ba eh de ha ba de" ect
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:18 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those are exaggerations but some toddlers do skip to talking in complete sentences.
My son is about 18 months. If he's emotional he'll say a full sentence like "No NO No I WANT DADDY/MOMMY NOW" or "I love balloon" but most of the time it's like the most simple words. He also has a favorite word of the month that he'll repeat constantly.
NotBryzgoalie30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:07 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
My first words were "we must seize the means of production and overthrow the bourgeoisie" followed by "just kidding Marx was an idiot" needless to say, I was the top economist in daycare
QueequegTheater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:53 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's not how it works.
I didn't start talking until 21 months, then used small sentences at 2 years. But I didn't just start using perfect grammar right out of the gate.
Mods remove this, this story can't possibly be $100%!
ExEvolution ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:24 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh
Desertwrestling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:07 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Her ex-boyfriend is a kid?
TheCSKlepto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:57 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, my first word was "ungulate" - a waving, rhythmic like motion. But mostly because that's what my dad claimed he heard and decided he liked, therefore I have no clue what my actual real first word was.
True story.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:40 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Kid held a door for me at the mall today saying "Come on in!"
adorable
gusefalito ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:47:51 on December 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That ex-boyfriend's name? Albert Elistein
Twatson8 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:27 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I know what sub this is, but I was actually one of those kids. I didn't talk until I was 3, then suddenly responded to something my brother asked me with a full sentence. It can happen.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 21:25:00 on December 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mom said I was actually like this.... not to the extend of accurate politeness and such but I went from not speaking to using sentences... I've read it shows signs of genius or some shit. Idk sometimes I feel like an idiot so that's probs wrong