Tommy in a Time Loop

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 1939 points ยท Posted at 14:52:14 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I was making scrambled eggs when Tommy sulked downstairs with an exasperated expression.

โ€œGood morning, Sport!โ€ I said, waving the spatula.

Suddenly, his expression turned dark. โ€œYou say that every single day!โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œEvery day I wake up at 9:30, no matter how early I set my alarm, and every day youโ€™re standing there making eggs, and every single day you say โ€˜Good morning, Sport!โ€™โ€ His hands were shaking and tears brimmed in his eyes.

I was confused, but passed it off as some sort of night terror. โ€œCome here, bud,โ€ I hugged him close. โ€œListen, thereโ€™s nothing to be afraid of! Nothing bad will happen, Iโ€™m right here.โ€

โ€œSee Dad, you say that every day I tell you this. And be careful, your eggs are about to burn,โ€ he said, sounding defeated.

I swung around to find that he was right. I flicked off the stove, then heard a knock at the door. โ€œWell if youโ€™re so sure about this, then whoโ€™s that?โ€ I asked teasingly.

Tommy didnโ€™t look surprised, just sad. โ€œJust go ahead and answer it, Dad. The ending is so much worse if you donโ€™t.โ€

Spekachu ยท 413 points ยท Posted at 15:15:37 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Whoa that's really cool hearing it from the Dad's perspective! I'd love to read more!

RichardSaxon ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 15:20:51 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Agreed, so many time loop stories from the other perspective. Really awesome this way!

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 22:36:13 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you so much! Inspiration struck this morning and I just knew I had to turn it into a story:)

megggie ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:32:49 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I love this! Are you planning on expanding it? I would be so grateful to read more :)

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:44:13 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Didnโ€™t really expect such a good response so I never considered it, but Iโ€™ll definitely think about cooking something up for the future;)

megggie ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:44:42 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Please do! And if you do, let me know! :)

Jackaroo98 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:38 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Just donโ€™t bur it while youโ€™re cooking the way you do every other time, Sport. :)

LehmanBrothers43 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:51:37 on September 7, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I'm so glad you did! Made my night:)

StevenC21 ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 17:08:43 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?! WE NEED ANSWERS OP!

kamihaze ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 02:37:08 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Buy the book haha

ktalita ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:03:10 on October 16, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

PLEASE, tell me the name of the book!!

notmaika17 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:22:20 on February 9, 2019 ยท (Permalink)

it's probably "Tommy in a Time Loop"

bendersbitch ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 16:35:03 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I absolutely loved this mate

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:37:27 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you!!

BicameralHiveMind ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:43:34 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Happy cake day!

ExpensiveMeal ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 03:49:17 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

First time reading a time loop story from the other person's perspective! It's so fresh and even scarier because Tommy already knows what's gonna happen next while his dad doesn't..

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:21:19 on August 28, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Thanks, thatโ€™s exactly what I was going for!

josh19036 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 17:40:56 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Who's at the door then...?

everythingispancakes ยท 176 points ยท Posted at 19:49:43 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

jehovah's witnesses

foreverDreadful ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:26:57 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Yes

dotav ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 21:59:36 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

The Landlord.

whimsylala ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:17:52 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you for reminding me of the tiny slice of cantankerous perfection that is Pearl!

SolluxCaptor2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:19:35 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Home invader, most likely.

Sassanach36 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:46:09 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I was thinking mob hit or the like. Dadโ€™s going out one way or the other, if the boy stops one way time finds another worse way or there are consequences. Fixed point in time-you ainโ€™t kidding.

SolluxCaptor2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:11:32 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Also, inb4 who was phone.

InfiniteWar ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 01:26:10 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

That was honestly creepy. โ€œThe ending is so much worse if you donโ€™t.โ€ Like oh my god just wow

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:20:57 on August 28, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Glad you think that, I almost added another sentence but chose the dramatic effect instead

LetsBoogie123 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:43:15 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Awesome! I'd love to read a longer version of this

asciigod ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:53:35 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Playful ease and polished execution. One of the finest I've read here.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:21:56 on August 28, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Thatโ€™s an amazing compliment considering all of the greats on this sub! Thank you very much:)

MissAsgariaFartcake ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:40:36 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

How To Freak Your Parents Out Part 1...

No, seriously, I'd take anyone who'd do this to me serious. So please, never do this to me if you're not serious.

Sassanach36 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:47:24 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Yeah answering the door with a knife really pisses off UPS. So I hear..,

MissAsgariaFartcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:54 on August 29, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Hah! Storytime?

Sassanach36 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:04:01 on August 29, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

We donโ€™t talk about that...

peppermint-kiss ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:13:14 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I wanna see the movie of this!

zblazerz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:14:00 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

This is rlly great from the dad side plz make more

SpamMan53 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:31:15 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

These kinds of stories are the worst to try to make work with the word limit. Nice job.

Lolmob ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:53:19 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

ABSOLUTE BARS!

166Y ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:20:17 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

i wonder what would happen if tommy stayed up all night long

blazepants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:26:45 on December 22, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

YES

Kingelscphein ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:59:49 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I love this new twist, I hope you post more stories

Ganders81 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:41:18 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

A really fresh take, and a great story. Well done!

CaptainCreeper_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:10:22 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

this is just awesome

bokerstan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:37:39 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

we don't need the exact answer of what will happen, that blank makes this story rly cool. Well done!

dvmdv8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:04:50 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Just brilliant! I love stories that take a familiar idea or trope and then spin them - the idea of setting it from the perspective of someone else in a time loop besides the protagonist is pure genius-level geniosity!

Sad that I have but one upvote to give, but here - take it, you damn smarty!

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:22:27 on August 28, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Wow thank you so much!

Sassanach36 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:43:13 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Phobia activated-trigger successful.

This is good. Very good.

the_edgylechuga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:41:15 on August 27, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Tommy should grow tf up and eat the damn eggs

Jasasy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:50 on October 29, 2018 ยท (Permalink)*

Is Tommy a pet dog? My interpretation: When the doorbell rings, itโ€™s someone fetching dad to work. Tommy is left all alone in the house until dad comes home. The next morning it will the same routine all over again.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ znabs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:48 on October 29, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

wow thatโ€™s a super interesting interpretation! that wasnโ€™t my original intention, but I like your creativity!

Jasasy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:47:11 on October 30, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Love your story and the ambiguity!

KindCritic ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:51:22 on August 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

should you make the story on the childs perspective ? I'd love to read that.

Originaltwists ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:25 on September 4, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

I'm booking it tf out the window

creamie99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:03 on September 22, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

This is good. :D

lukasew04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:50 on November 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

am i the only one who shit my pants reading this?

jelle2316 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:34:58 on December 19, 2018 ยท (Permalink)

Please tell me there is a longer version. I love this!

Sorbello_Narrator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:21 on February 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)

It's Phil Swift trying to sell you his latest product!