Can of reduced cream, mixed with a packet of mushroom soup powder and refrigerated for 20 minutes. Dip your arteries away. Thank me later on your death beds, you filthy animals.
Also, fuck the ritz crackers, it's even better with pork-crackling.
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Goullet ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:41:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That joke will never work for me after i saw the video of the lady falling into one...
The presence of her small child that got pulled out but ONLY BECAUSE THE MOM WAS HOLDING HER UP OFF THE GROUND ALREADY really adds to the emotional impact of the first video.
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I'm unsure why you were downvoted. It really is as simple as that. There's so many people and so much content little coincidences like this happen all the time
Triscuits: "Yeah, I don't know how to put together legitimate cruditรฉs and hors d'oeuvre, but I can empty a cardboard box and chop up the fruit and cheese my family won't eat"
Ritz: "Git the wieners and the mustard, we gone have us a party!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:26 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are fancy foods, not "superfoods."
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 01:45:34 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
W360 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:23:23 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Feeling like eating some shit. Smoke weed. Feel like going somewhere. Read this. Decide to bundle up and adventure in -2 degree weather to corner store to get some giradelli melting chocolate. Make this recipe. Eat. Die. Good call.
OddCrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:13 on January 30, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can polish off an entire sleeve of ritz with some peanut butter.
Put the peanut butter on the NON salted side, and eat it with the salty part facing down onto your tongue.
This reminds me that for Christmas my cousin made fake Thin Mints out of Ritz crackers dipped in melted chocolate with mint...somewhere in there. It was...not as disgusting as expected.
Haha I've eaten so many bananas I've gotten used to it. Absolutely hated it as a child. I mostly cook with "standard" foods like Spinach, Beef etc. Haven't really tried making banana cake.
Oh man, there's this one technique my mom used to make banana bread where you take the bananas and mash them up in a pot and reduce them into a banana syrup kind of thing and use that to make the bread... soooo good. Comes out with the texture sort of like it's undercooked just a little bit, but in a good way if that makes sense...
Oh yeah, totally. I mean medium rare steak is 'slightly undercooked' but still great. My favourite thing my mum would make was roast duck. Always just slightly rare, but absolutely delicious.
If you'd like my recipe when you make it feel free to ask. But it's pretty simple to wing it. Feel free to let me know how it goes :) It's a magical addition that not only improves flavor but makes the texture amazing.
Edit: Make a pecan caramel crumble topping for it too! I added that for a friend's wedding and I was severely disappointed I only made one pie because it was gone in 20 minutes. I don't even eat sweets anymore, but it's still one of my holiday go-tos.
When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:46:13 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've never listened to his comedy before, but now I'm going to check it out.
olliegee ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 20:26:46 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The club sandwich-ish one looks too big for one bite, and the second you'd bite into it, it'd crumble into a million pieces and there'd be turkey and ritz crumbs all over the floor. It'd be a goddamn disaster.
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:31:54 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. That one is essentially a crime against humanity.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:49:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:38 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my brother and I were ~10 on a road trip with my parents, they said we could each get one thing from the gas station as a snack. I got a box of club crackers and my brother got a can of easy cheese. To this day I don't think I've ever accomplished so much with the power of teamwork.
I mean, I would cook chicken tenders and bacon yeah? If I've got a box of ritz lying around I might be compelled to crackerize the meal. If I didn't have rolls or tortillas or any other more appropriate bread product...
Your job as marketing exec of a cracker company is apparently to take stupid pictures of crackers. There is probably a team and they all probably make six figure salaries, what is to be expected?
Make a traditional French style ratatouille then serve it on a fucking Ritz!
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:48:03 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I feel you. For christmas my friend got a bunch of christmas stories from the used book store, one called Tale of the Magical Crackers. Yes! Sounds like the best christmas tale of all! The title suggests ironic racism and drug use, nope, just a shitty one sentence story about how eating ritz is awesome with a bunch of over the top cracker recipes.
I was so let down I remade the story with I and my friend's face imposed on crackers and his husband on a jumping bean. I can say the story is just as shitty, but at the end instead of cracker recipes it's detailed steps on loading a bowl, or rolling a joint and for crackers "just maybe eat em, or have you tried butter?"
It would make a decent finger food kinda thing. but then again who in their right mind would hand a full meal on a cracker to a guest? But then again again, I've made a tray of pigs in a blanket just for myself.
You shut your whore mouth. Ketchup is awesome (as long as it's Heinz, non of that poser Hunt's crap), BBQ sauce is for people with no taste (ie don't like ketchup), and steak sauce as long as it's A1 ain't bad...but mostly for people who don't know what a properly done steak should taste like.
Yooooo fuck ketchup. Stupid vinegar-ass cheap tasting tomato bullshit. At least barbeque sauce has some flavor to it! That's right, the gauntlet is down sahn. fuck A1 too.
If it didn't come out of a can it's not going on some shitty Ritz crackers.
Not to mention the fact that single drop of moisture is enough to make a Ritz go from crispy to soggy mess. Often just in time for it to fall all over your shirt.
There are proper crackers for making snacks with nice ingredients and they're about 5 feet down the isle in the "Not fucking Kraft" section.
That said I love some shitty canned cheese on shitty crackers but the brie and smoked salmon are not going anywhere fucking near a Ritz crackers.
I'm not sure if Ritz actually are serious with this or are they just having a goof and expect us to understand? I'd like to think the people at Ritz who made that, are actually the same kind of people who are visiting Reddit. They just wanna have a goof. But it would be pretty crazy if Ritz actually thought people would care to do this...
I'm pretty sure the "recipe" creators at Ritz are just yanking our chains at this point, because the box we got for Christmas snacking suggested putting watermelon chunks, feta cheese, and balsamic vinegar on the Ritz crackers. Who in the hell do you think I am, Ritz?
I think I'd still rather just have some cheddar and pepperoni on my ritz.
But if we're talking some triscuts, I can get behind a little salsa and shredded cheddar ontop. You gotta eat them quick because they get soggy, but that generally isn't a problem for me.
Never use Ritz Crackers to sandwich things. It's too big to eat in one bite without looking weird so you have to eat it in two. It leaves crumbs everywhere and either the top or bottom piece will completely crumble away leaving you with a half eaten pile of crap.
Well, right now at our house we have some of those fancy packets of meat and cheese. Slice up a few of each and put on a Ritz. Wash it down with sparkling cider on New Year's eve. That shit in amazing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:15 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jeez I'll just make a sandwich and not have to cut everything microscopically
When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. โTry it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter.โ But I like crackers, man, thatโs why I bought some, โcause I like crackers! I donโt see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didnโt buy โem because theyโre little edible plates! Youโve got no faith in the product itself. - See more at: http://www.ruthtobias.com/miscellany-poetry/2009/07/03/mitch-hedbergs-20-best-food-jokes/#sthash.Lnv30TGK.dpuf
scyther1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:38 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fuck that shit. I just go to town on a block of cream cheese.
Off the top of my head? I'll suggest something I've made... scrambled cheese eggs, piled on a slice of Texas toast with grits and maple syrup and bacon. Wash down with a stout.
tyzon05 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:20:54 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.
Alright. I'll try that. I'm gonna bring a whole mess of stone ground grits back from North Carolina. I can only find the shitty instant ones in Colorado.
You'll be golden as long as there's beer, eggs+cheese, bacon, and grits, and maple syrup to drizzle amongst all of it. I promise. Good luck, and cheers!
Saved comment
Jyeul ยท 1264 points ยท Posted at 18:18:51 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or you know, just eat the whole box in one sitting with nothing on them
nuentes ยท 2006 points ยท Posted at 19:11:13 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The best topping is a complete lack of self respect
Soldranga ยท 344 points ยท Posted at 19:46:32 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a good catchphrase for this sub.
[deleted] ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 20:23:14 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 23:06:07 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You tell me, you are the Captain.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 23:09:51 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
You-get-the-ankles ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:52:28 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You always have time for a bar. Any bar will do.
Song_That_Never_Ends ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:40:11 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about a xanax bar?
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:54 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Leave the decisions to the real brass.
ggg730 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:29:22 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you're the chief.
Infra-Oh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:28:34 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but you are the...the ggg.
StumbleOn ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 20:59:24 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sad now.
hoikarnage ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:40:05 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Excellent suggestion /u/StumbleOn, tears also make an excellent topping!
StumbleOn ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:45:51 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
:*(
VonCrunchhausen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:00 on January 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
licks face
Yes, positively scrumptious.
Narfubel ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:04:13 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I put that shit on everything
SoManyNinjas ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:08:10 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wash it down with a nice tall glass of broken dreams
awnawnamoose ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:51:53 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not done snacking until I hate myself.
Woodsie13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:33 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/me_irl
HillTopTerrace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:44 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ever heard of squirt cheese?
TooFastTim ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:59:34 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We would get along.
stupidrobots ยท 113 points ยท Posted at 19:30:09 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
eat a ritz
bite a string cheese
repeat
cloudhppr ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 20:06:29 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
you gotta pull the string cheese bro.
score_ ยท 193 points ยท Posted at 20:29:34 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No time. Got a whole box of ritz to eat.
bobthecrusher ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 20:59:41 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, around age twelve, I just started going for it.
sugardeath ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:56:15 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, it tastes better when you pull it.
efitz11 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:07:32 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's quoting The Office
theydeletedme ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:34:55 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's when I realized that I kind of hated Ryan.
Throtex ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:37:04 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're a monster.
rwhittak3 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:00:22 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 45 and I still pull my string cheese apart. I tell myself I'm savoring it.
doublefudgebrownies ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:51:27 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's best when you get a perfectly flat piece right out of the middle and it's so skinny it's almost, but not quite, coming apart.
stupidrobots ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 20:49:21 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
how i'm supposed to do that when my other hand is full of ritz crackers
MOLDY_DICK_CHEESE ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:34:17 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No doubt. Biting into a cheestring is almost as savage as biting into an unbroken kit-kat.
khmertommie ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:03:31 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My jam
yochocobean ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:59:10 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh great..we got a string cheese puller.
fightingsioux ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:43:22 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Too fancy. Put Ritz in mouth, then squirt in easy cheese.
RootsRocksnRuts ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:14:20 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ritz crackers either need to be ingested with easy cheese or in Lipton Soup Secret's Chicken Noodle Soup.
paracog ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:02:44 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Five Ritz in a stack, sip enough milk to coat them...crunch down on the softening pile. Repeat until box is empty and/or milk is gone.
Hauvegdieschisse ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:15:45 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck
Chuyito ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:15:50 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing, except with coffee as the warm liquid makes them softer faster... Brb making coffee
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:30:20 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
RootsRocksnRuts ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:52 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cookies and milk?!?! what is this madness!!
paracog ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:21:13 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it's a transferrable skill!
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:43:27 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be lying if I said I didn't eat them somewhat like this..
goodatcounting123 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:30:39 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just go right in, huh?
HylianHal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:06 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know, around age twelve I just started going for it.
nod
Dent18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:46 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it's way too much effort to individually prepare a bunch of sandwich things
Phoojoeniam ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 21:09:33 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Or my favorite: regurgitate chewed Ritz back onto a new pair and make a Ritz sandwich. Then repeat.
Magus44 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:08:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've read/seen some fucked on shit on the Internet. But reading that made me gag. That's filthy.
People actually do that?
Diarrhea_Van_Frank ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:00:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Son, this is the Internet. The answer to that question is always "Yes. Then they masturbate to it."
DickMessage ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:32:02 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do this with Cheez Its, make tiny sandwiches.
strumpster ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:57:31 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's my strategy
bettywhitefleshlight ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:31:28 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that shit, get the easy cheese stuff that comes in a can and eat until you feel like death.
agoia ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:32:14 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, scoop out half a jar of peanut butter onto a plate to dip em in, then it's real fancy.
chewynipples ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:54:35 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A brick of cheese and a sleeve of ritz are perfectly matched to one another.
It's like they know...
timberwolferlp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:01 on May 31, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why do ritz crackers come in sleeves of 20 while cheese comes in 1lb blocks?
ILikeMasterChief ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:48:17 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like them dipped in Nutella.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They arent that good
sickly_snake ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:59:33 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just can't do that with Ritz, I need at least a bit of cheese on them.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 22:30:04 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Savage.
Random_Link_Roulette ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:43 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, whole box + tub of butter for dipping sauce.
antidamage ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 01:22:14 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can of reduced cream, mixed with a packet of mushroom soup powder and refrigerated for 20 minutes. Dip your arteries away. Thank me later on your death beds, you filthy animals.
Also, fuck the ritz crackers, it's even better with pork-crackling.
Mind__Is__Blown ยท 474 points ยท Posted at 18:28:57 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates"
nycemt83 ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 20:03:50 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ain't no suggestion, put a ritz on top of a ritz!
Formulabass2 ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 20:30:36 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Goullet ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:41:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That joke will never work for me after i saw the video of the lady falling into one...
DO NOT go looking for it.
sugardeath ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:00:52 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I regret watching this. If you, too, want to regret watching anything today, this is the thing to regret watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4f9hnOe8yk
BabyDoll1994 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:58:10 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was the saddest crackers have ever made me.
kIose ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:14:52 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not watching this but how do you fall into one? The cracks are only a few millimeters wide.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:43:21 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A big crack forms at the landing. Honestly, it's not even made clear if she dies
Edit:Well fuck, never mind. She did
shadyslims ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:44:07 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What. The. Fuck.
damontoo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:46:00 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seen that one. Not as bad as this one where you see the guy slowly get consumed.
HylianHal ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:54:54 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The presence of her small child that got pulled out but ONLY BECAUSE THE MOM WAS HOLDING HER UP OFF THE GROUND ALREADY really adds to the emotional impact of the first video.
Lord_Luckman_42 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:42:03 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn that's horrible. Is there any news story about how the woman is doing?
sugardeath ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:14:18 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
She was crushed to death
antidamage ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 01:24:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I am choosing a dvd for tonight
Curgan1337 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:31:17 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
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stevencastle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:30:30 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And how is her husband?
wisdumcube ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:14:13 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To shreds you say?
FerdThePenguinGuy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:32:49 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Just fantastic, she's not in pain anymore
Pillowsmeller18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:54 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just realized, why are they making a video of the recording? Couldnt they just get a copy of the recording?
Goullet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:06 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt anyone would release a copy to just be uploaded to the internet. You should notice a lot with security footage.
Magalabungalaho ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:32:06 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think it would be overkill to add a Ritzโข filling?
vindecima ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:03:10 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's like a bread sandwich, but with ritz!
koenn ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:38:47 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have no faith in the product itself.
Diarrhea_Van_Frank ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:02:55 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Nobody ever said to the turkey 'Hey man, just be yourself!'"
32BitWhore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:08 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit's timing is always impeccable. I just showed my girlfriend this set for the first time last night.
boopitybip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:30 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
baader-meinhof phenomenon
Got_pissed_and_raged ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:59:27 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm unsure why you were downvoted. It really is as simple as that. There's so many people and so much content little coincidences like this happen all the time
stupidrobots ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 19:31:58 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bakedalaska1 ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 21:11:50 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those first two are reserved for the Triscuit box
SweetSlowKiss ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:06:30 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:27:13 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
SweetSlowKiss ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:30:02 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:51:07 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it SweetSlowKiss?
akkawwakka ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:20:24 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Triscuits: "Yeah, I don't know how to put together legitimate cruditรฉs and hors d'oeuvre, but I can empty a cardboard box and chop up the fruit and cheese my family won't eat"
Ritz: "Git the wieners and the mustard, we gone have us a party!"
LionsTigersWingsOhMi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WARNING: PROSCIUTTO MAY INTENSIFY THE FLAVOR OF THESE TRISCUITS
vintagecthulhu ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 21:54:15 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No activated almonds, 0/10
Brobi_WanKenobi ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 22:12:15 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:26 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These are fancy foods, not "superfoods."
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 01:45:34 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
W360 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:23:23 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Feeling like eating some shit. Smoke weed. Feel like going somewhere. Read this. Decide to bundle up and adventure in -2 degree weather to corner store to get some giradelli melting chocolate. Make this recipe. Eat. Die. Good call.
OddCrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:13 on January 30, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can polish off an entire sleeve of ritz with some peanut butter.
Put the peanut butter on the NON salted side, and eat it with the salty part facing down onto your tongue.
valkyrie_village ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:28:04 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me that for Christmas my cousin made fake Thin Mints out of Ritz crackers dipped in melted chocolate with mint...somewhere in there. It was...not as disgusting as expected.
doublefudgebrownies ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:57:40 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally doing this for the hubs. Thanks!
DragonRaptor ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:48 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmmmm salty chocolate pb snack. That would never taste good.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:08:38 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Truffle and rosemary on Kobe beef is gilding the lily a lil bit.
stupidrobots ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:15:55 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
then take all that and put it on a rich, buttery RitzTM cracker and live the good life.
RassimoFlom ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:59:35 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And roquefort..
damontoo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:51:16 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, it wasn't actually Kobe beef anyway.
efitz11 ยท 221 points ยท Posted at 19:01:17 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like OP has a problem with puttin on the ritz
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 00:57:16 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/lxtcSFP.gif
llewesdarb ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:40:24 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the trailer for Saw VIII.
Imalurkerwhocomments ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:24:32 on January 25, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine what this would do to your balls.
Domer2012 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:13:53 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3z841UJiVk
[1][1]
Putin on the Ritz
Literally! (Found on Ytmnd)
ndegges ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:26:52 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Take your upvote and get out.
TheChurchofHelix ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:27:48 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he's not a Rockefeller who walks with sticks, ok? Or an umbrella on his wrist.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 19:59:00 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment of the day
caicosdog ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 19:28:30 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The real problem here is that they expect you to be able to put a toothpick through a ritz.
neurorgasm ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 20:39:17 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Three of them. That's never going to happen in the real world unless you pre-drill holes or something.
plowerd ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 22:06:54 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dear, grab me my tool kit, I'm making snacks."
MisterDonkey ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:45:06 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have a drill press in your kitchen?
fattmann ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:30:42 on February 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Alton is disappoint.
Doktor_Dysphoria ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 22:38:06 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
It actually looks a bit like a rubber-band to me...which opens up an entirely new set of questions.
What the fuck, Ritz.
natziel ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 22:49:12 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's one of those fancy toothpicks that you use for horse doovers
Doktor_Dysphoria ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:57:28 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Ah yes "horse doovers," from the French, I presume.
kwertyuiop ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:14:16 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Next to chicken vaginas, my favorite food is horse de'ovaries.
aaronsherman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:58:30 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't chickens have cloaca? So then the question becomes: what have you been eating?!
MisterDonkey ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 22:45:43 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's clearly a twist tie.
[deleted] ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 19:00:53 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If I had all that lovely food I wouldn't be eating shitty Ritz crackers goddamnit.
oracle989 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:45:49 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be on those Club crackers
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:30:24 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
damontoo ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:52:09 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Like little slabs of butter.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:19 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mmm, crunchy butter.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:25 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fry em up and apply some additional butter.
LionsTigersWingsOhMi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:44:42 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah son. Chicken in a biskit
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:00:51 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They're trying to make you aware that it's a good bread substitute if you're too much of a drunk slacker to buy groceries right.
berlinbrown ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:49:19 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These guys must really be hurting for money, they really want you to look at their box.
turrican ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 19:40:39 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Those "snacks" would take much longer to prepare than most of my "meals".
shall_2 ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 00:07:04 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like how you put meals in quotes.
[deleted] ยท 199 points ยท Posted at 18:11:15 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
wat
[deleted] ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 18:23:37 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 18:41:20 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
chili01 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 20:12:37 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I want to do this. Also, I did not know about apple butter.
butthole_hotel ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 21:07:29 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could be you, the moment that you try apple butter for the first time.
BFisOverMyShoulder ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:41:53 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pro tip: put a cup of apple butter into your pumpkin pie.
Every time I make my pumpkin pie people think I'm some kind of wizard with magical spices. Nope. Just a user of apple butter.
MexicanCatFarm ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:41:10 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never liked pumpkin, but Im definitely sold on the apple butter.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:57:19 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My man. Pumpkin is the best thing to grace the earth. Are you at least down with pumpkin spice?
MexicanCatFarm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:06:46 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont mind it. I mainly hate the texture of pumpkin. Which also means I hate avocado, guava, papaya and eggplant.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:11 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At least you're consistent. What about guacamole? Pumpkin bread?
MexicanCatFarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:46 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont mind the taste of those items (except eggplant) but I dont love any of those either. I eat it if offered but wont buy it.
Its just the squishy texture that doesnt sit right with me.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:55 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love the texture :D use line when you make banana bread with real bananas that you cook and mash - wait... Do you like that?
MexicanCatFarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:14 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I've eaten so many bananas I've gotten used to it. Absolutely hated it as a child. I mostly cook with "standard" foods like Spinach, Beef etc. Haven't really tried making banana cake.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:56 on January 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, there's this one technique my mom used to make banana bread where you take the bananas and mash them up in a pot and reduce them into a banana syrup kind of thing and use that to make the bread... soooo good. Comes out with the texture sort of like it's undercooked just a little bit, but in a good way if that makes sense...
MexicanCatFarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:10 on January 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, totally. I mean medium rare steak is 'slightly undercooked' but still great. My favourite thing my mum would make was roast duck. Always just slightly rare, but absolutely delicious.
You eat much duck?
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:36 on January 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Once ever, lol
It was at a really nice restaurant and it had some orange flavored sauce. Pretty good, but very similar to dark meat chicken from what i could tell
MexicanCatFarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:33 on January 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is supposed to be it. Depends what kind of duck, farmed ones have a much less gamey and fishey tone. (From eating less fish)
Song_That_Never_Ends ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must be a Caucasian female.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:43 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Incorrect. Dank meme tho
butthole_hotel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:06 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will try next autumn. Putting a reminder in my phone for September 1st, actually.
BFisOverMyShoulder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:38 on January 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If you'd like my recipe when you make it feel free to ask. But it's pretty simple to wing it. Feel free to let me know how it goes :) It's a magical addition that not only improves flavor but makes the texture amazing.
Edit: Make a pecan caramel crumble topping for it too! I added that for a friend's wedding and I was severely disappointed I only made one pie because it was gone in 20 minutes. I don't even eat sweets anymore, but it's still one of my holiday go-tos.
butthole_hotel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:50 on January 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds delicious! I usually do a Pecan and brown sugar crumble topping, as my wife hates caramel, but the principal is the same.
SnowBiz89 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:59:35 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yooooo fuck apple butter buy honey butter ftw
infinitezero8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:18 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lucille's apple butter on their biscuit changed my life.
chili01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:39 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will check it out, thanks!
Suic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:55 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That is most certainly something I would brag about! This is shittyfoodporn, anything with more than 2-3 ingredients is a work of art.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:19 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
NoCardio_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:28 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that he just means these buns.
discretion ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 19:48:20 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Yet here you are...
Does sound good, though.
Edit: Jokes.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:49:27 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
neurorgasm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:39 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How do you turn a phrase?
shall_2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:06:29 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well what you're describing sounds pretty delicious. It's almost bragging by default. I'm hungry.
Deerscicle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:00:59 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It'd probably taste very similar to some fried chicken and waffles. I could see it being a fun little snack food to have at a party.
mrpopenfresh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:26 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can imagine with blue cheese.
supermegaultrajeremy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:15:09 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fried chicken, honey, white cheddar, buttermilk biscuit. That shit is amazing.
LionsTigersWingsOhMi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:06 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tendies
HideOnJungle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:59 on April 17, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FeelsGoodMan
Notwafle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:01:24 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What's weird about that?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:20:14 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Syrup and cheese doesnt make any sense to me
Notwafle ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:00:03 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, I live in Vermont so syrup on everything makes sense to me. Same with cheese tbh.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:24 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
From Wisconsin, I'll put syrup with my cheese any day. Good cheeses with sweet is awesome, throw some honey on that cheese plate.
runs-with-scissors ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:53 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honey and brie, ftw.
hermeslyre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:25 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've only had the combination on Mcgriddles, but it's bomb.
FungalCactus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:00:40 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody hasn't had chicken and waffles.
YoJollyRoger ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:21:52 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mitch Hedberg:
When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:46:13 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've never listened to his comedy before, but now I'm going to check it out.
LionsTigersWingsOhMi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:20 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've been missing out. RIP Mitch
Song_That_Never_Ends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:45 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And this is somehow the quote that interests you?
CaptainObivous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:56 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant deduction, Holmes.
Song_That_Never_Ends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:39 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Push harder, John.
olliegee ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 20:26:46 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The club sandwich-ish one looks too big for one bite, and the second you'd bite into it, it'd crumble into a million pieces and there'd be turkey and ritz crumbs all over the floor. It'd be a goddamn disaster.
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:31:54 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. That one is essentially a crime against humanity.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:49:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
๐๏ธ vrxz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:38 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It looks like a rubber band.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:10 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The fuck is a turkey crumb?
orange_jooze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:43 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hold sideways, insert into mouth.
rwhittak3 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 19:21:00 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Easy Cheese.
daggerdragon ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:55:18 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only correct answer.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:00:50 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When my brother and I were ~10 on a road trip with my parents, they said we could each get one thing from the gas station as a snack. I got a box of club crackers and my brother got a can of easy cheese. To this day I don't think I've ever accomplished so much with the power of teamwork.
CutthroatTeaser ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:54:57 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
On my box of Triscuits: http://40.media.tumblr.com/54ab6d91d588296d9ca658bfb3b922b5/tumblr_nwa9wxCP6W1qzo2lvo1_500.jpg
I didn't think I could find anything stupider, but you win, OP.
VikingOverlorde ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:42:32 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nice grill marks. who would grill a triscuit?
CutthroatTeaser ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:29 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The same idiot who'd cook a chicken tender and some bacon just to decorate a ritz...
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:03:31 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I would cook chicken tenders and bacon yeah? If I've got a box of ritz lying around I might be compelled to crackerize the meal. If I didn't have rolls or tortillas or any other more appropriate bread product...
berlinbrown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:46 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Your job as marketing exec of a cracker company is apparently to take stupid pictures of crackers. There is probably a team and they all probably make six figure salaries, what is to be expected?
CutthroatTeaser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:14 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
a crack company? are they hiring??
ijflwe42 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:23:17 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The title makes this post so much better
the_dayman ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:42:37 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:48:03 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I feel you. For christmas my friend got a bunch of christmas stories from the used book store, one called Tale of the Magical Crackers. Yes! Sounds like the best christmas tale of all! The title suggests ironic racism and drug use, nope, just a shitty one sentence story about how eating ritz is awesome with a bunch of over the top cracker recipes.
I was so let down I remade the story with I and my friend's face imposed on crackers and his husband on a jumping bean. I can say the story is just as shitty, but at the end instead of cracker recipes it's detailed steps on loading a bowl, or rolling a joint and for crackers "just maybe eat em, or have you tried butter?"
the dropbox for the haters: https://www.dropbox.com/s/tkz1hkpvacb2geu/TALEOTMCA_RECIPEFREE.pdf?dl=0
it's an authentic retelling, with the racism and drugs added in.
Moops7 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:11:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, I'm going to put in all that prep work only to use a god damn Ritz cracker instead of some bread.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:47 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It would make a decent finger food kinda thing. but then again who in their right mind would hand a full meal on a cracker to a guest? But then again again, I've made a tray of pigs in a blanket just for myself.
Robotimus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:05:15 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What about that cheese in a spray can. Is that no good enough anymore?
LonelyLemming ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:31:52 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Not ketchup, put a tomato on that bad boy.
Mr_Abe_Froman ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:30 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ketchup can always be improved upon. Barbecue sauce, steak sauce, hot sauce, fresh tomatoes, etc. Ketchup is settling, that hot dog deserves better.
threefiftyseven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:10 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
You shut your whore mouth. Ketchup is awesome (as long as it's Heinz, non of that poser Hunt's crap), BBQ sauce is for people with no taste (ie don't like ketchup), and steak sauce as long as it's A1 ain't bad...but mostly for people who don't know what a properly done steak should taste like.
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:46 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yooooo fuck ketchup. Stupid vinegar-ass cheap tasting tomato bullshit. At least barbeque sauce has some flavor to it! That's right, the gauntlet is down sahn. fuck A1 too.
MeatPiston ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:05:36 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If it didn't come out of a can it's not going on some shitty Ritz crackers.
Not to mention the fact that single drop of moisture is enough to make a Ritz go from crispy to soggy mess. Often just in time for it to fall all over your shirt.
There are proper crackers for making snacks with nice ingredients and they're about 5 feet down the isle in the "Not fucking Kraft" section.
That said I love some shitty canned cheese on shitty crackers but the brie and smoked salmon are not going anywhere fucking near a Ritz crackers.
sour_creme ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:27:30 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ritz has the wrong flavor profile to allow any of those things on it. only thing you can put on a ritz and taste good is cheese.
thewolf423 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:04:26 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine biting into the first one and shaving the rest of the crackers crack and the contents spill onto your lap.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:30:34 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does anybody but me know that Ritz are vegan? :D ...
.....
...
..
D:
palalab ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:06:31 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Simmer down now Ritz.
poopcasso ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:43:15 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if Ritz actually are serious with this or are they just having a goof and expect us to understand? I'd like to think the people at Ritz who made that, are actually the same kind of people who are visiting Reddit. They just wanna have a goof. But it would be pretty crazy if Ritz actually thought people would care to do this...
Destructerator ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:22:08 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My guess is that they're just pictures to make you hungry if you're turning the box around in your hand while grocery shopping.
itsteaandlace2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:31 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure the "recipe" creators at Ritz are just yanking our chains at this point, because the box we got for Christmas snacking suggested putting watermelon chunks, feta cheese, and balsamic vinegar on the Ritz crackers. Who in the hell do you think I am, Ritz?
rezthepinnacle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:57:20 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That one tomato looks quite ketchup-y.
lifewontwait86 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:00:56 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just want a Ritz on top of a Ritz.
GlacialDrift ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:57 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone needs to make these and report back.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:52:11 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:22 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should post some of them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:48 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Make a three course dinner sprinkle Ritz crackers, your welcome. -Ritz
magillashuwall ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:00:51 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
like if i had all that stuff i would not put it on a ritz
and if i didn't have all that stuff i wouldn't go out and get it so i could put it on a ritz
i know you're stoked that you landed that a package design gig at Mondelฤz International, todd, but think for a second
Jklassen87 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:42:24 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You've got no faith in the product it's self."
jpf5046 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I like crackers man that's why I bought them.
Song_That_Never_Ends ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:26 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Itself]
aufdie87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:13 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
We should have a recreation by one of YOU. For science
JustWoozy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:41 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No one does this to their Ritz crackers.
TheFudgeFactory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:41:09 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd still rather just have some cheddar and pepperoni on my ritz.
But if we're talking some triscuts, I can get behind a little salsa and shredded cheddar ontop. You gotta eat them quick because they get soggy, but that generally isn't a problem for me.
legends444 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:37 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never use Ritz Crackers to sandwich things. It's too big to eat in one bite without looking weird so you have to eat it in two. It leaves crumbs everywhere and either the top or bottom piece will completely crumble away leaving you with a half eaten pile of crap.
asciifrot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:31 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Spend an hour making what you think is enough. Eat them in under 2 minutes and then spend another hour making more.
citoloco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:32 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
They all look pretty good after a couple of shots of vodka, and if someone would make them for me.
aritz789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:40 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry I'll change it for ya guys
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:48 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It says tomato on the hot dog but that's clearly ketchup.
Jruel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:49 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can barely spread peanut butter on a ritz cracker without it breaking. I've got my work cut out for me.
uncanny21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:35 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
To the cracker-mobile!
baconnmeggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:13 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've always wondered if there was someone, somewhere, who actually made the "recipes" on the back of cracker boxes
mochi_chan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:40 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
WTF? Ritz + Smoked String Cheese. That's all it takes.
dutchboy99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:29 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The one with the chopped up hotdog looks interesting to me.
Jklassen87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:43 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Itself**
RoachGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:10 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know how anyone is going to eat that first one without making a fucking mess.
Kly_Macks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:07 on January 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Shitty amuse bouche.
phreaky-shango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:53 on March 9, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tendies...
SoundOfDrums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:39 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.break.com/video/ugc/mitch-hedberg-on-ritz-crackers-160243
Bravot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:45 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently ketchup === tomato.
pasaroanth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:43 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah all those look pretty fucking legit to me
DryGingerAle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:48 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mock Apple Pie made with Ritz Crackers.
Ai_Blackheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:23 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, right now at our house we have some of those fancy packets of meat and cheese. Slice up a few of each and put on a Ritz. Wash it down with sparkling cider on New Year's eve. That shit in amazing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:15 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jeez I'll just make a sandwich and not have to cut everything microscopically
Nudetoreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:52 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. โTry it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter.โ But I like crackers, man, thatโs why I bought some, โcause I like crackers! I donโt see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didnโt buy โem because theyโre little edible plates! Youโve got no faith in the product itself. - See more at: http://www.ruthtobias.com/miscellany-poetry/2009/07/03/mitch-hedbergs-20-best-food-jokes/#sthash.Lnv30TGK.dpuf
scyther1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:38 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
fuck that shit. I just go to town on a block of cream cheese.
excitement2k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:01 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
More protein. Less carbs.
jseego ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:46:18 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why is there ketchup on that hot dog part!?
Jardun ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:37:21 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saltine over Ritz anyway.
WhatIfIToldYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:18 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's crazy.
DryGingerAle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:34 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A fresh crispy saltine with peanut butter and coffee or tea is quite good. Better than fucking DoritosTM.
WhatIfIToldYou ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:17 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ritz, cream cheese, pepper jelly.
Beersaround ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:06:12 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck are you supposed to stick a bamboo spear through a cracker?
ICEClownfishWok ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:09:03 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
...if you're putting that much effort in couldn't you just make a damn sandwich?
guiltycitizen ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:26:17 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Cuisine AF
Silvedl ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:18:22 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Caviar topped lobster placed on a giant ritz cracker.
doinggreat ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:32:51 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta put some Pudding on the Ritz.
AndrewWaldron ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:47:08 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So ritzy.
KingOfTheEchoPeople ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:55:47 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Food looks like shit, when it sits on a Ritz!โข
BottleOfAwesome ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:59:07 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
aww comeon man theyre just crackers!
bethl12 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:13:16 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"And we wrap it in a pizza..."
TygErbLoOd ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:21:26 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oh dang, good title, i have had a long low volume laugh like in a while!
Riov ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:24:10 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I thousand times this
Cyno01 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:28:11 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
All of these are a lot to balance on a crumbly little cracker.
tyzon05 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:21:38 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, cracker, chicken, and maple syrup? Great.
Cracker, chicken, and cheese? Also great.
But cheese with the maple syrup? Noooope.
SicDigital ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:04 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You've never lived, my friend.
tyzon05 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:10:35 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No shit?
I love chicken and waffles, but always thought cheese would be weird.
Give me something to make and I'll go test this.
SicDigital ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:18:55 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Off the top of my head? I'll suggest something I've made... scrambled cheese eggs, piled on a slice of Texas toast with grits and maple syrup and bacon. Wash down with a stout.
tyzon05 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:20:54 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.
Alright. I'll try that. I'm gonna bring a whole mess of stone ground grits back from North Carolina. I can only find the shitty instant ones in Colorado.
Might substitute a porter for a stout.
Thanks for the recommendation!
SicDigital ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:29:46 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'll be golden as long as there's beer, eggs+cheese, bacon, and grits, and maple syrup to drizzle amongst all of it. I promise. Good luck, and cheers!
sour_creme ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:58:15 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, maybe this instead http://www.thekitchn.com/closest-cheese-to-fudge-gjetos-139961
youre_not_oppressed ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:37:30 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
<.< Those look delicious.
berlinbrown ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:47:40 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nottheoninion.
We know what the fuck a ritz cracker is, you can't turn into gourmet shooters
sour_creme ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:55:43 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/02/ritz-cracker-recipes_n_6248402.html
blackbutters ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:29 on January 4, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This happens when I am drunk.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 02:33:55 on January 5, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If this sort of thing is openly promoted and desired in America then it really does explain a lot