"If statements are a code smell, period"

Any time I found myself blindly typing if, I pause for a while and talk to my internal rubber duck (her name is Jess, btw.) "Jess, is there any way to avoid if clause here?"

I, too, like to do my control flow with only movs

Sometimes [Jess] responds “no,” it’s a perfect use-case for an if, like yesterday when I was to implement a function producing a string representation of current time for an American audience. I ended up with

if hours < 12 then 'AM' else 'PM'

lol not doing an integer division by 12 and looking for the option in an array or map.

def go_to_the_gym(day) when day in ~w|tue thu| do

As in the OOP example, the code is readable, maintainable, and—most importantly—extendable.

Oh, I get it.

find . -name '*.rs' | xargs sed -i 's/if/when/g'

Nice, my code is now readable, maintainable, and extendable.

Who are these 10E-7'xers who still use if instead of abstract strategy factory beans

No, YOU'RE a code smell.

3 if statements

At this point the code is already very hard to maintain

mfw

Lol ruby devs

Actually, I just wanted to show this piece of assembly because I am going to refer to it later.

never refers to it again

IF this is not a poetry, I don’t know what is.

I’d do IF I wanted it, I just damn don’t give a shit.

IF one is writing a one-time-run shell script, I’d suggest to stop reading this

they might be completely avoided IF desired

else’s are punishable by death

This actually made me mad.

Actually, my FizzBuzz has ZERO if statements in it. It was a specific design goal.

https://www.reddit.com/r/programmingcirclejerk/comments/8k8iad/fizzbuzz_can_finally_be_implemented_in_stable_rust/

Move 42 to the register named al, move the value of .answer variable into the register ah, compare values and jump to .answer_errinstruction if values are not equal. If this is not a poetry, I don’t know what is.

I never would have thought I'd find the next Keats on dev.to. Anyone know how to get in touch with Harold Bloom? He won't be able to believe the aesthetic splendor of this paragraph

Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour, Smalltalk?

We don’t think like “if I want an apple, I’ll eat it, otherwise I won’t.”

Oh, lizard people...

I consider code to be a code smell. We should all just stop writing code and insist on nothing less than building all applications as complex compositions of various Docker containers other people wrote.

Transcript show: ((useNormalLanguage) ifTrue: ["good"] ifFalse:["lol, no OOP if"])

dev.to is cancer.

Because, you know, I am not writing my PhD anymore and I don’t work on Saturdays. Not in the office, at least.

I could have guessed!

Ps: Norton Disk Editor wasn't written in machine code. They probably wrote the ASM out and then hand converted it to bytes.

I would try and read the book to see if this is true, but it looks like it was foundational in making this guy a giant deep and i don't want to risk that.

I get the point but going from 9 loc to more destroys said point

Period

Ternary statement or GTFO.

Since Ruby does not have an FSM implementation in the core lib, I am to omit the code example here. It’s more or less trivial.

Replaces very simple and straight forward code with spaghetti and multiple levels of indirection, then calls it maintainable and readable.

Why use if statements when you have bool.

{-# LANGUAGE Unjerk #-}

Why use if statements when you have bool.

Error: UnableToJerkException: message="this but unironically"