๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 2560 points ยท Posted at 09:33:30 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I m so angry i have no idea what im doing, im wasting my time, I feel shitty, I have exams and I fukced up on the last ones and lost a lot of marks, I have headaches that are not that hard but way too annoying than normal, i have anxiety and i want to kill myself(ironically, kinda) i dont know what to do. Also, summer is coming soon so im pretty much fucked because last summer, i really had nothing to do, i was almost completely isolated but with my parents yelling at me for stuff on top of that and I got depressed
I domt know what to do, i have no idea how im going to survive life from now on because there is nothing im looking forward to.
Thanks for reading >:D
E: lmao kinda overwhelmed by the inbox
Late edit: I ended up doing very well at my exams and even a little better than last term!
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captLights ยท 14144 points ยท Posted at 11:49:03 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey!
Okay. First things first. You have to calm down yourself. You can't do anything if you're stressed out. Here we go. It's something I recommend a lot around here. Find a quiet spot somewhere. Doesn't have to be your study place. Could be outside if the weather is fair. But it should be quiet and you don't get disturbed. Shut down all digital devices. No laptops. No cellphones. Nothing. You ready? Okay. Sit yourself down. Back straight. Don't slouch. Now, close your eyes. Shift your attention to your breathing. Try to focus on the air passing through your chest. You feel that? Don't change your breathing though. Just try to notice it without changing it. Keep it up. Keep doing that.
Okay. Now, you're mind is going to go bonkers. You won't be able to keep this up. After a minute or two, you're going to be thinking about all the other stuff in your life. But here's the thing. This is a game. Try to be aware of what is happening. Of the thoughts and feelings passing through your head. Instead of engaging with them, just notice that they pass through your brain and then shift your attention back to your breathing. Don't judge, don't feed your fear, don't feed your anxiety. Just notice and shift back to your breathing. Don't get frustrated if you feel you can't keep up. That's normal. Just keep trying.
Now, do this for the next 15 to 30 minutes. Congratulations. You just learned to meditate
[1]. You should practice that each and every day. Like, each evening before you go to bed. Or each morning before you get coffee. Your brain is like a muscle. Try to get from 15 minutes to 1 hour. That's a challenge.Why is this important? Well, we all live in our own minds. We are easily distracted and then we start to ruminate and worry
[2]. If you indulge yourself into negative thinking, you're going to foster anxieties and fears and depression. The idea is to not feed those. Through meditation, you learn to become mindful, to become aware of what happens in your head. Of how you feel. And instead of focussing on a single narrative - like you flunking massively, and then going into depression and then going to die - you're going to take a distance of those negative thoughts and you're going to question them.Seriously.
So. You flunk your exams. Your parents are angry with you. And now you are clueless about your life. And from there, it seems like a short step to death.
Doesn't that sound... a bit over the top? Let's break it down.
Will you automagically die if you fail? Nah. Not really. You'll still be alive. Probably your going have to redo those exams or those courses. Will your parents stay angry? Hmm... they've been angry before, do they stay angry? Nope. They might be disappointed, but that's to be expected. But being angry and disappointed, that's wasted energy. Your parents still love you to bits, they are just worried about you and your future. Summer is coming? Sweet! You had nothing to do? Hm... Why would that be? Did you plan in advance? Did you sit yourself down for an hour and think "what's the top 3 stuff I really want to do in the next few months"? Or were you just idling your time away only to notice afterwards "Fuck, I didn't do anything worthwhile and now I'm here"
Also, exams are like a tennis match. You play several sets. The outcome is determined by how many games and sets you win. Guess what. Tennis is a mental game. If you start losing games, you start to become anxious because you think "can't afford to lose more games, but dammit I've lost already, I'm not doing well, how am I going to win this? Never going to happen! Argh!!" See what I did there? Serena Williams wins because she doesn't think like that. Serena Williams wins because she goes "Lost that last game. Damn. Okay. Nothing I can do about that. But hey, I'm still good. I love doing this. I love my life. Let's see if I can win the next game." Totally different way of thinking. This is POSITIVE thinking compared to NEGATIVE thinking. And that's what makes all the difference in ANYTHING you do in life.
So, you probably fucked up at those last exams. You can't change anything about that. It happened. Don't beat yourself up. You still have work to do. Don't dwell on the past. Use meditative techniques to shift your focus to the present moment. You NEED to study for the next exam. You can DO this. Don't spend energy on whatever is distracting you. Stop worrying. Don't use digital devices. Don't watch television. Don't game. It's you and the book in front of you.
Take care of yourself!! Get in bed on time. Don't stay up late. Get 8 hours of solid shut-eye. You can't function if you don't sleep enough. Stay off the sugared soda's. Drink water. Hydrate regularly. Try to eat healthy stuff. Stay off sugared candy if you can. Sugar messes with your brain. Sugar addiction is a thing and makes you feel miserable. Make sure you get out! Get a 5 minute break after an hour of studying. Go for a walk. Don't stay inside on your chair. Move!! Try to get a routine in your day. Wake up at the same hour, study at the same hours. Be economic with your time! Try to work out twice a week. Go to the gym. Go running. Break a sweat in a sport you find fun and engaging. Exercise takes your mind of difficult stuff for a few hours. You NEED this if you want to keep going.
Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You can't keep sprinting ALL the time. You need to pace. Don't try to cling onto your parents expectations of your studies if you feel you can't meet them. Own up to it and tell them you're in trouble if you feel like your working towards something unattainable. Don't keep pursuing a degree if you feel that this is not something within your own possibilities. Then you'd be only wasting your own precious time.
Do the work instead of thinking about off'ing yourself. That's all it is.
Best of luck!
EDIT
This is a bit overwhelming. I know mental health is a huge issue but I'm still surprised to see how much of an impact my comment has made. I would like to thank all of you profoundly for the upvotes, the kind replies and messages. I skimmed through the discussions here and in /r/bestof and I would like to add a few things.
As expected, my inbox has been wrecked. I can't promise you a reply, but I'll try to process them over the next couple of days / weeks.
I hope this discussion find its' way outside of Reddit too. So many have to deal with mental issues in silence. Addressing those issues is extremely challenging. Just being there for your friends or family who struggle and letting them know 'It's okay. I got you!' can already make all the difference in the world.
Thank you again, Reddit!
[1]
Meditation 101 - Learn How to Meditate in Our Beginner's Guide Animation
Want to learn how to meditate? Are you new to mindfulness meditation, and interested in finding out how to start a practice? We'll walk you through the basics in our Meditation 101 video.
Visit http://www.happify.com or check out Happify's iPhone or Android app for guided meditations and other mindfulness-building activities designed by experts.
Are you looking to kickstart a mindfulness program at your business or organization? Visit http://www.happifyhealth.com to learn about our business solutions.
Narrated by Dan Harris
Animation by Katy Davis (Gobblynne)
Try Happify's Science-Based Activities and Games: http://www.happify.com
Get our iPhone app: http://hpfy.co/1HfypCP
Get our Android app: http://hpfy.co/1MqykvR
Like Happify on Facebook: http://hpfy.co/195negJ
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram: @Happify
Buy Dan Harris's book, "10% Happier": http://hpfy.co/19VTyDW
Follow Dan on Twitter: @danbharris
[2]
A Guide to Worrying
Books what I wrote, yo โบ https://tinyurl.com/ycnl5bo3
Discord server โบ https://discord.gg/76ybBSR (just in case that doesnโt work: discord.gg/exurb1a)
I also make shitty music โบ https://soundcloud.com/exurbia-1
Facebook โบ https://www.facebook.com/exurb1a/
Help me to do this full-time โบ https://www.patreon.com/exurb1r?ty=h
Music โบ Chopin - Waltz in A Minor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtQRpmaaiCo
Footage Credit in Order of Appearance (all footage taken from http://www.videevo.net) -
mikesteinkamp -
http://www.msskateministry.com
jonaslisting
daduxio
If this video still didn't manage to keep you from worrying, may I remind you baby seals exist in the world. Just look at that little guy. He isn't worried about shit: http://wallpapercave.com/wp/5vxW4kG.jpg
theyearofthelurk ยท 1342 points ยท Posted at 15:06:36 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for writing this. This is the kindest and most helpful thing I've seen someone say for someone going through a panic attack.
dwmfives ยท 1163 points ยท Posted at 16:23:47 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The basic steps for those who are overwhelmed by /u/captLights very great post, if you can't manage to meditate, and are having a severe panic attack, intrusive thoughts, physical manifestations of anxiety...
Feet flat on the floor, ground yourself to reality. If you can be barefoot, even better.
Breathe deeply and slowly, using your diaphragm.(Breathe from the belly)
Distraction. If you can't let the thoughts pass you by as /u/captLights mentioned, find something mindless to do. Play your favorite single player game(for fucks sake do not play something like LoL), do a puzzle, pull weeds...whatever is your preferred mindless activity. Something that requires concentration.
This has helped me so many times....
Feet on the floor, slow belly breathing, distraction.
Once you get past the intense anxiety, move to /u/captLights advice.
In case he doesn't see this.../u/PM_ME-YourFans
mysticturner ยท 292 points ยท Posted at 16:31:49 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A therapist prescribed this process for me once, almost exactly. But added, "Feel the earth on the soles of your feet. The solidness. The permanancy."
dwmfives ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 16:36:37 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother and I both suffer from bad anxiety and depression. It took her 3 decades to get a handle on(honestly she's still abusing my dad to get through life, BUT) she ended up going to school for it, got her masters, and does a much better job helping others than she does herself.
This is straight out of her early therapy, not her education.
I'll take it a step further for someone who is there...barefoot on a healthy lawn or beach is awesome.
You can dig your toes in, feel the earth beneath your feet. If its sand, you can take in the rolling of the waves, and the sounds they make.
When you are that deep in depression or an anxiety attack, you need to take yourself out of the moment, AND out of your thoughts, and remind yourself that there is an entire world around you, and your problems are not going to kill you.
Once you get a handle on that, then you can work on meditating, breaking down insurmountable problems into bite size pieces, and so on.
It sucks to say, but I'm so happy my mother suffered through this, because she gave me a leg up on handling it.
dinnerbeard ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 19:15:12 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is called mindfulness and I've been doing it for about a month. Some important things to remember:
It sounds cliche, but there isn't really a wrong way to do it. Some people suggest focusing on the feel of your breath on your upper lip (breathing through your nose). Let your thoughts happen and then gently return focus to your nose. The point is NOT to suppress thoughts, whether or not they are unpleasant, but to let them happen and then return focus to your breathing and the sensation of it on your lip or wherever. You are training the attention circuitry to focus and not wander so much.
The point is NOT to sit as still as possible. In fact, you want to be comfortable. So if sitting in one position becomes uncomfortable or distracting after ten minutes, by all means, switch to a different position, on a chair, or on your bed (sitting up of course). Along these same lines of thinking, if you are itchy, scratch it. It is that simple. Some people tell you to try it with your eyes open, or closed. I prefer relaxing with my eyes closed, because it helps me to focus on the sensation of breathing, but thats me. Use what works.
All thoughts need to be allowed to pass, yes, including boredom, the desire to check your watch, and what you will eat or do for lunch. The important thing to realize is that we have thoughts, and then we 'act' on those thoughts by thinking about them, leading to other thoughts. In mindfulness what you want to happen is for example: suddenly think "what am I going to eat after meditating?" and then, instead of considering the options, or plans, simply returning back to focusing or thinking about your breathing. The thought happened, and you didn't follow up, you returned gently to the task at hand. Thats what its about.
This form of meditation is as powerful as it is simple. To illustrate, thirty days ago I would have days long anxiety attacks consisting of racing obsessive thoughts of imminent death, or future death. I still think about death every now and then, but have almost no anxiety about it. Now death is a thought like any other, as concerning as making sure I am on time for work.
I wish you the best and hope whoever is reading this that they have a better understanding and are encouraged to try mindfulness for themselves. Good luck!
patricksk ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 20:44:32 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for explaining. The concept of "letting thoughts pass by" was not something I understood before reading your comment. Think I'll try out meditation again thanks to this.
-notacanadian ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:36:46 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are able to visualize - picture yourself as an immovable rock, jutting out above the gurgling riverbed it is a part of. Your thoughts may be a constant stream or a roaring river, but you are a rock that cannot be moved. You observe all thoughts passing by, and peacefully acknowledge them as they pass.
dwmfives ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:43:50 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am a rock, I am and island.
neptoon_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:05 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a rock feels no pain.
patricksk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:58 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that analogy seems more like how I feel every day? I don't feel like I am floating with this stream very often, in fact I feel like I have to try very hard to let myself get immersed in it?
The whole analogy thing doesn't work very well for me it seems. Can you describe it in a more concrete way?
-notacanadian ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:20:22 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The analogy of a rock in a river is strong to me due to my experiences - reading Way of the Peaceful Warrior, which has a rock used for meditation, hiking in Canada and observing my own "meditation rock" along a raging river, that stood against the currents for hundreds of years, and practicing a mental exercise of building a calm mental image as a place I can go to, among other experiences. I would imagine that anyone with a similar experience could relate to the analogy as well.
As an exercise, it could be comforting to build your own analogy that works for you, and is built strongly on your own experiences. This mental image can become a foundation of your mental stability, a place you can instantly conjure to mind and recognize as a safe haven when you lack a quiet place in the physical realm.
I'm not a psychologist - an answer to your follow up question I may need to leave to someone with more worldly experience and mental composure than myself. I will leave you with these less-than-concrete pieces of thought:
If you find yourself constantly working to maintain focus on what is happening around you each day, I can only recommend what I have done from personal experience - dig deeper into yourself. Open your mind to the possibility that something that is or was a part of your life could be impacting your ability to share experiences with others the way you want to be sharing. "Search your thoughts" - become a Jedi every evening and meditate on your feelings. If there are feelings you "can't" feel - sadness, happiness, regret, love - focus your thoughts back to the last time you felt them, and dwell on those feelings. If you've seen the movie "Inside Out", try picturing your feelings as the different orbs, and how those feelings feel. Are they warm? cold? damp? crisp? Start with this. Then start asking yourself "why?".
It may take some open minded prying by yourself, or speaking to someone in person about your thoughts - but you will make progress and further your understanding of how and why you live. Wish I could say I'm at a [9] right now, but I had to give up greens because of anxiety and panic attacks.
timmaeus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:50:56 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the Calm app. It's free and provides a bit of structure.
BearChomp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:01 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think of your thoughts like a river: most of the time you have to navigate through the rapids, but sometimes you just need to sit on the banks and watch the water rush past you without actually doing anything.
This is also how I get myself to fall asleep when a million thoughts appear in my head.
patricksk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:11:01 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but how does one 'watch' one's thoughts?
BearChomp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:37 on May 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically you just refrain from engaging with the thoughts that naturally occur-- you figuratively "watch" the thoughts go by, because you can't (and shouldn't try to) avoid thoughts from materializing in your mind, so you will still be aware of the thought stream even if you aren't actively thinking.
In other words: by doing this, you are not trying to think, as opposed to trying not to think. You exert no mental effort whatsoever, and you permit any thoughts that happen to pop up just do their thing without trying to control them in any way.
It takes some getting used to, but once you figure out how to passively "observe" your thoughts without actively thinking, you'll see what I mean.
patricksk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:01 on May 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right. The guy I originally replied to said that one simply had to re-focus on breathing whenever one gets distracted. Is this how you see it as well?
hello_moto ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:17:38 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once heard a suggestion to treat incoming thoughts like a child rushing toward you to get your attention about something completely unimportant and inconsequential. Take a second, acknowledge the child, but ultimately remind them that you'll give them attention later, and then return to your original point of focus.
Isolatedwoods19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:03:42 on June 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I mindfully walk. I can go a lot further with it than I can just sitting there.
dinnerbeard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:41 on June 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes walking works wonders for the mind. Though I haven't tried mindfulness while doing it. Now I'll have to!
Isolatedwoods19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:00 on June 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read something by thich nhat hanh about it. He's awesome.
dinnerbeard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:13 on June 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have to walk in a way that we only print peace and serenity on the Earth. Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.
random quote pulled from google
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:48:15 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the reasons I love living on the coast. The medicinal value of it. I have a lot of demons for one man. I have a lot self doubt. Fears. Anxiety. Addiction.
When overwhelmed by the good ol rat race, I go to the beach alone. I go with my regular clothes. Take my shoes off, and the worrying, the over thinking, just goes on hiatus. My senses are filled. The touch of the sand on my feet, the sound of the waves, the feel of wind on my skin, makes the meditative qualities easier for me. I look at the sand, the infinite amount. I stare at the sheer vastness of the ocean. I can't explain it so well as I'm a horrible orator and an even worst writer, but the feeling of contentment washes over along with the waves. Almost like a brief realization of my limited time on this earth. It makes those huge boulders just minimal rocks when I gain that perspective.
Whenever I get so wrapped up in my own head the meditation heals more than anything sometimes.
Fideua ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:05:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is why I need to move closer to the coast. And somewhere warm. 15 minutes on a sunny beach cures everything...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:29 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember a time when I was not doing well. I was having one of those times in life where everything was going very badly. A lot of objectively horrible things had happened to me in very quick succession, and I was really just barely holding on. I wasn't necessarily planning to hurt myself, but I was thinking about death every day. Thinking about how much easier it would be to just be dead, rather than having to continue living, when living had become so difficult and exhausting and I was so hurt. I was being very self destructive and I knew that I was doing it, but I didn't know how to stop myself, or maybe I didn't want to.
And then someone took me to upstate New York. It was early winter, and, God, it was so beautiful. We were driving around in this breathtaking landscape of bare trees and lakes and fallen leaves and snow. And I remember holding back tears because, seeing these things, I just suddenly had such relief. Like, all of a sudden, this incredibly heavy burden that I had been carrying around lifted somewhat. I made my friend drive us around, going nowhere in particular, for hours. I never wanted it to end. Being in that place gave me such peace, so unexpectedly. It was like the sudden bearable-ness of everything was almost too much to bear. That week that I was in upstate New York, I was the most calm I had been in a year.
Not too long thereafter, I had a similar experience on the beach in Mancora, Peru. I had all these plans about this trip, and none of them panned out quite right. I had imagined myself going to Machu Pichu and feeling accomplished and having some kind of profound experience. But I didn't make it there. I got so close and then turned around and left. And I had been feeling like a stupid failure about that, and for a lot of reasons. I was still devastated about a lot of the things that had happened. But arriving in Mancora, stepping onto that beach, taking off my shoes, and watching that absurdly beautiful sunset over those elusive double rainbows, I knew everything would be ok. I could let go of my fear and anxiety and anger and shame for a minute and just be. That place continued to offer me the same comfort for the next month while I lived there. No matter what, I could always go to that beach, and it would offer me the same feeling of peace and tranquility. The knowledge that, at the end of the day, I could handle everything that was happening, and all would be well in the end, even if it was hard at that moment.
I am familiar with mediation, and I am absolutely a subscriber of its benefits. But there is something about "nature", at least for me, that really facilitates the mindset necessary for mindfulness. That somewhat relieves those constant, intrusive thoughts, allowing me to focus more on the business of breath and the current moment. Even now, my instinct is to go to a nearby state park and take everything in when I feel very bad, even if I only sit in my car and don't get out, or only drive through the pretty area. Just to look. It helps me center myself in a way I never would have expected. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe something to do with how obvious and inevitable impermance becomes when you are in the presence of such an indifferent, natural force. I don't know, but it does something good for me, if that helps anyone else.
Damon_Bolden ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:36:27 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't usually manage it right at the time a panic attack sets in, just because I don't feel comfortable driving and stuff... but in terms of day to day meditation or just chilling, rivers and creeks are golden for me. Get a chair, sit it in a creek, feel the cool water on your feet, listen to the little insects and frogs and rapids... it's such a great place to immerse yourself in with plenty of calm little stimuli to focus on while the stress goes away. It's amazing what river sounds, warm sun, a cool breeze, and water over your feet can do to rest your mind for a little bit. And if you get restless you can walk around, look at plants, poke around on the banks, skip rocks, walk around in the surf, maybe even find a place to jump in the water. All mindless little distractions that help your body realize it's still living just fine, the rest is just details.
fuhtian ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:14:24 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm at work and can't sneak away for any period long enough to properly collect myself, I play this video on my headphones.
It may not be helpful to everyone, but it ALWAYS helps me ground myself and regain some perspective.
https://youtu.be/k5RH3BdXDOY
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:00 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, that is truly one of the best things I've ever heard. I made another comment here about meditation, but this is the other thing that really helps me reconnect and gain perspective, especially when I'm really spiraling. Realizing that, ultimately, it is absurdly egotistical and self-centered to be so freaking worried about what is, at the end of the day, a problem that countless people before me have, currently are, and in the future will, worry about and survive, let alone the multitude of much more pressing issues that people have, are, and will worry about and survive. Not to beat myself up for worrying about "stupid" things, or because other people have it worse. But rather to remind myself that I am most certainly not alone, and that I can definitely get through anything if other people have gone through the same and worse.
IdunnoLXG ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:00:49 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like your therapist was Rex Ryan.
mikamikira ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:07 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love being barefoot on my days off. I feel more calm when I'm walking around barefoot. Although its cold here so I have my ugboots on sometimes. But, otherwise...I went bush walking with my dog once in flip flops and stepped in a pile of mud and lost my shoe. God it was good.
FluffyWuffyVolibear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:36 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Feel your feet on the earth and feel the earth on your feet"
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 16:50:58 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thx
dwmfives ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:57:28 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Feet, breathe, distract.
iaccidentallyawesome ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:00:40 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if it works for other people but singing help me greatly. I automatically know how to breath when singing and it helps me maintain a calmer attitude whilst still going through a panic attack. I can't focus on my breathing per se in a state of panic because it reinforces the feeling that I'm gonna run out of oxygen in a few seconds. I dont know if it's a worthwhile tip but it has helped me tremendously.
misskinky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:42 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting I'll try this. I'll have pick a go to song
dysoco ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:46:25 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually LoL helped me through a Summer of anxiety. Turns out time goes incredibly quickly while playing it (I guess because each match is like an hour). You can listen to music while playing it and not really pay a lot of attention if all you're doing is farming and trying to get a kill.
Obviously you play normals, mute everyone and pretend it's a single-player game for the most part. If you're playing with a competitive mindset you're obviously doing it wrong.
Also if you are in the mood you can play with your friends via Skype and it never fails me to lift my mood, you will crack up at something guaranteed. I don't really play anymore but it helped me a bit.
dwmfives ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:49:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea the reason I called out LoL specifically is because people who are hurting don't think like that.
Most LoL players don't know they can do /muteall.
You are talking about the exception, not the rule.
I did have great friends and support from people in league, but for the average person with anxiety or depression...I don't want to assume that.
Reaching out to others is a next step, I'm trying to help those people who are laying in bed, haven't showered or brushed their teeth, no called no showed to their jobs.
The_Unreal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:03:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what? This would have done wonders for my experience of that game.
penis111111111111111 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:57:34 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are also looking to mute pings so people don't spam the missing ping every time you die. Although LOL AND MOBAS CAN BE STRESSFUL IF NOT playing with friends and stuff
Dravvie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you can pretty much mute everything in HoTS. :) You just open up the damage window and you can mute all of their pings even.
irobeth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:32 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LoL may help you with anxiety, and it may not
If you're depressed, all it takes is one "top is fucking noob go get cancer and then kill yourself" to make the entire game entirely counter-productive, even possibly set you back or re-trigger a depressive episode.
It doesn't take you playing competitively for someone else to thrust competition on you and begin berating your performance. You may already not be thinking rationally, so exposing yourself to "uncontrollable anger exposure risk" just doesn't seem like a healthy activity in that situation.
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:56 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont hace much anger issues and donr get mad really quickly.
But when I have a bad day, then gaming competitively doesnt help at all, especially when you hav a bad gaming day too
I recommend playing casual stuff like, Hotline Miami, OlliOlli2 or whatever (literally just listed what I have lol)
TheRainMonster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:40:42 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two games I'd recommend and which have helped me are the Miracle Modus app (for iOS and Android), written to help sensory overload for autistic people but which I've used for anxiety and ADHD, and a Dual N-Back game, of which there are a few different options but a good desktop version is at http://brainworkshop.sourceforge.net
andres92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:23:22 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL what I do with most of my spare time is an anxiety coping mechanism. This has been eye-opening.
-Knul- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:17:39 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solid advice. I would stress on distraction when overwhelmed by anxiety. At that moment, focussing on your beath (or really on your body) is rather impossible. Try to talk to a friend about pleasant things (I liked to talk about cartoons when in the middle of anxiety attacks).
Once you regained some control over your mental state, improving your breathing is probably your best next step. No one can be relaxed without slow, deeping breathing and it's rather hard to stay anxious when your breath is slow and deep. At first, force your breath to slow down, later on you need to release control over it a bit.
Tacobell_lovinggoat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Headspace is an amazing app. TONS of guides for meditation and other things in life too.
AndromedianHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:38:12 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for this.
dwmfives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:21 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gladly.
misskinky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:00 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tetris is AMAZING for this for me.
And audiobooks.
dwmfives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:42 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually almost mentioned tetris by name when bringing up playing a game. Just don't play tetris attack(SNES).
stonhinge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For single player games: Tetris, Columns, Bejeweled, and etc. are my go-tos for mindless games. Something that ramps difficulty up from an easy start. Starting up a difficult game can just cause frustration, especially if you've beaten that particular level/boss before and start making mistakes.
ImAllDatRemains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:42 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One thing that works for me for the distraction part is to focus on the room around me. Usually, try and find three objects that are red or anything like that. Simple but five minutes of that along with the rest of the suggested steps always helps me.
Alexander_G_Anderson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:57 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seconded. This is one of my favorite meditations.
Milk-Lover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the opposite. Anxiety and frustration are very different feelings for me.
A single player game isn't fun when I'm stressed or anxious. I just continue thinking about things while playing.
A more competitive game occupies my attention better, and I can forget about my stresses.
And sometimes, the best thing for my stress levels is a 10 year old stranger fucking my mom.
dwmfives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:02 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is fine, but not advice I'd give generally.
Alexander_G_Anderson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:23 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hear, hear. I had one in the parking lot the other day, saw the American Flag and started singing the National Anthem - very effective - as for the person in the car next to me, though...
A_poc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:33 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instruction not clear enough... I played lol and now i got cancer. T_T
tinnieman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:12 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take your shoes off when you get to the hotel and curl your toes into the carpet
Evol_menimE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:59 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Don't play something like LoL" (idk how to quote people with the blue line, bite me) fucking lmao mate๐๐
nerys71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:15 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I learned to meditate without even realizing I was meditating.
my mind runs at warp 9 and I have gotten pretty good as "idling down to nothing"
it works quite well. until you stop. then its like I never did it at all as reality comes crashing back in.
How do you gain a lasting effect from this? or am I just doing it wrong or something?
Ramberths ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:06 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replies like this is what makes Reddit interesting. +1
snugglebutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:51 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Puzzles and crocheting are what can do me in. Even reading a book can let my mind wander too much.
NarcissisticGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:03 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You lost me at 1. My feet is flat and always has been. Am I missing something here? English is not my main language.
dwmfives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:50 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It means to put your feet firmly on the ground.
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 12:48:28 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cant believe I got a comment, it was a r/BestOf quality comment!
Huge thanks, also, now im writing this during my break. I ate dinnee, opened the window "hmmm, sunshine and birds chirping" and got me some tea.
Anyways, I think I just need to keep these negative thoughts away, I go to the gym and I am planning great stuff for summer! It is 100% just my mind playing tricks.
NlNTENDO ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:10:08 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're rooting for you! You got this dude
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:39:35 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thanks, /u/NlNTENDO, appreciated
Fireproofjeans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:41:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been in your shoes. It took me three years to get through a two year post-secondary program - and I had a horrible second year.
I went back the next year and completed it. Having roughly half of the course-load (only took the courses I failed) made it far easier to manage and I got through just fine.
Persistence is key. You haven't lost until you've given up or the opportunity has passed.
captLights ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:56:10 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! I didn't expect this either :-) Great to hear you're doing fine. Rooting for you too over here! You got this! Enjoy your summer! :-)
rosareven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:37 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once you feel comfortable enough, you can move a step further and face the negative thoughts head on instead of keeping them away. Address them directly. Rationalise with them. Argue with them. Make your negative thoughts prove themselves. You'll see how little validity the negative thoughts really have on your life.
Fireslide ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:14 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you've got a phone/computer and some headphones I'd highly recommend try out http://www.headspace.com to learn to meditate. It only takes 10 minutes a day and it guides you through the process and teaches you a fair bit. It's a subscription service after a point but I'll shout you a free month if you use it and want to continue, it's definitely helpful.
Wulfenbach ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 15:36:42 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for writing this. I am in a bout of unemployment and this is helpful.
BigLlamasHouse ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 18:13:57 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your current situation is not your final destination.
Alexander_G_Anderson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:39 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A growth mindset can do wonders.
liefbread ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 15:37:20 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wanted to contribute one more thing. Just because you have a bad day or a bad experience, doesn't mean that all your work was worthless. Think about all the good days you've had between the bad and hold on to that, the gaps between bad days will get bigger but it won't feel that way when you're having one.
redheaddomination ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 15:38:34 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I've become much more self aware and capable of dealing with my anxiety via meditation, but these last few weeks of undergrad have been rough. I've been stuck in the same negative spiral of thoughts that OP is in, and it's really rough to force yourself to even try when you've already admitted defeat.
I needed to read this. You're lovely.
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:44:11 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not exactly admitted defeat. I was just so lost in thought and I felt like I was non-functioning as a human being lol
redheaddomination ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:15:36 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you! The brain is both a gift and a curse. You've got this! As someone who failed an entire semester (almost year) and wrecked a 3.6 gpa, things will get better. Your parents will get over it. It also might lead to more open communication between you and your parents. Be open, ask for advice, and never be ashamed. Also, look into if your uni offers free counseling, it helped me a lot. Good luck ๐
JessaHannahBluebel ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:04:43 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what if your anxiety is based on a disease you have that is killing you? that is my issue. also, those who have anxiety, stay away from coffee. My psych doc said to and since, I have had way less attacks. Yes, it sucks but attacks are worse.
Though everyone is different and maybe it doesn't trigger anyone else. That is just what I have been told by every pdoc ive seen in the last 15 years.
But everything you said is spot on. The problem is if you have depression too, your motivation is at zero to do some of those things like get active. I have to argue with myself to even shower. and i always feel better after, but the struggle is real.
curryhouseindia ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:51:31 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any experience myself, but my da and nanna both have diseases that are killing them. One day after breaking down to my da I basically asked him how he copes, if I barely could. He asked what I thought he was worried about (as though I was in his shoes) and I said obviously not being here any more, not being able to do all the things he wants to do, and he just said, look, I've thought of all those things and came to the same conclusion, if it ends any sooner I definitely don't get to do them, I was going to die eventually anyway, but some higher being has decided my time is sooner than I thought, would the fact I would die eventually stop me from doing things I want to and just living life? He said since his diagnosis he's seen things a different way, doesn't take as much for granted. Albeit he admitted it took him a while to realise, but he has two choices, be upset by it, or choose to see it as a blessing that has kick-started him seeing things more positively and doing things he wants to do.
Hope maybe I could help a little, I'm still struggling, he has good days and bad days, but they're all days, all 24 hours long, and they will end and begin again regardless of what any of us do. Can seem daunting but I'm trying to see it as a good thing.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:58:59 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:47:00 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:59:56 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:03:39 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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JessaHannahBluebel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll look into it.
After studying physics and astronomy, knowing we are nothing but flying through space on a mote of dust suspended by a sunbeam, that is when life became depressing. I don't see the beauty in it. I see death. But that is how depression works. at least for me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:20 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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Wooolfgang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:54 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I highly recommend Meditations by Marcus Aurelios.
We humans live and die. Why worry about something that's our nature? Do you worry when an apple tree bears an apple? No, because that is their nature.
rock_the_cat-spa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:54 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think we were born to die. I don't think we were born to do anything. If life is as pointless as you think (and I don't really think there's a purpose either), then I truly wish you the best. From one group of randomly assembled atoms to another. I say just live. Since we won't exist for an eternity after, might as well try and fight for happiness.
dwmfives ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:35 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an alcoholic, I've learned to find "higher beings" that aren't god. Atheist drunks call GOD group of drunks.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:51 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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dwmfives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:18 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every AA group is different, if I'm honest, I haven't been to one in a while, and am back to being active.
But a good AA group doesn't care. They don't care if you are there for drugs or booze, if you believe in god or not.
setione ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:54:48 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are really terminal, you need to see a professional that has training in existential psychotherapy or some related study. The focus is on how to find meaning in the time you have. This isn't necessarily just for individuals with terminal illnesses, since we all live with a shared terminal "illness", mortality. But if the shortness of that mortality is a daily struggle and trigger for your anxiety, you'll need to find a way to address it.
You have one life, and you should do whatever you can to make that a life you want to live, regardless of what you face. Many people before you have done more with worse, and you can too.
JessaHannahBluebel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:17 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have seen a ton of docs. But they are not all covered under insurance and the money is gone. now what
birdgold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:51 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
JessaHannahBluebel ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:06:43 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have and while some was good about anger and expectations, I found Mr. Tolle's diversion into completely unproven theory and psychology to be distracting and sometimes laughable. As a person making who makes his living with technology, I found his explanations of human behavior and instinct as the result of interaction between positive and negative energy fields absurd.
birdgold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:17 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool. Guess there's no help for you.
JessaHannahBluebel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:39 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not. Some people just have shit lives. I was abused as a kid and raped twice as an adult. I do what I can to stay afloat. But i wouldn't say any of that is cool. Just because I feel a certain way about a suggestion that is different from yours shouldn't be cause for putting me down. I'm human and trying. That is all I can do.
birdgold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:49 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not putting you down. You're keeping yourself down. I have every faith you can feel however you want to. As for the validity of any particular source, ultimately they are all the same. You can find the moon in any dew drop or only focus on the fact that every lotus grows in mud. I hope you find the path that works for you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:03 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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birdgold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:53 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also struggle with depression and anxiety.
It's interesting that you've let me know a lot about your struggles, but have perhaps presumed that I don't experience any hardship, or at least you don't seem very interested in doing anything other than weighing yourself down with your fixation on how bad you personally feel.
It's also interesting that you are the one asking for help, but you push away people who would help in their own way.
Those tendencies aren't external. They have nothing to do with what the world has done to you, but are entirely derived from your own thought patterns, perceptions and fixations.
For example, if you read the words you and I have posted back and forth I haven't expressed any negativity toward you. I acknowledge that you aren't really seeking help and as a consequence there is no help for you. However, you read my expressions in a very negative light. I'd ask you whether you think the origin of this negativity is me or you? And further if you think you're capable of transforming your negative perceptions of what I'm saying into something positive?
Of course, I'm not actually making any grand assertions about you or your character in real life. Our interaction only consists of a few anonymous sentences. However, you are representing a pretty common pattern of self-sabotaging thinking, and cynicism.
I expect that negativity only serves to perpetuate the feelings you believe you want to change.
setione ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:12 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read the existentialists. Sartre, Dostoevsky, Kafka. Read about living with terminal illness. Buddhist philosophy has a lot there about suffering and life and just being through it all.
You have to decide that there is something objectively worth experiencing, giving, or accepting, regardless of your circumstance. To do that, you need to listen to all the people suffering out there who tell you this and manage to bring something to the world. If they sound like liars, it's because you've been lying to yourself for so long that you can't even hear them outside of your own voice.
Those voices are important for perspective, and they can really help you. But you have to take the first step.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:58:29 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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setione ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:56 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What insults?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:14:34 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I open my eyes yet? I'm still on the first paragraph. ;)
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:15:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The whole "just let your thoughts pass" thing didn't make sense to me when I first started meditating. I realised this was because I'd always had a strongly held belief that I can't just ignore my problems or "let them pass by my mind", and being a programmer, I've always worked with the idea that if I think about something long enough the solution will present itself. This is true with computers, but personal and mental issues this is quite the opposite. What I really needed to be told was that it's perfectly healthy to ignore thoughts that give me anxiety. It isn't running away from my problems. It isn't ignoring them either. It's simply not giving them a second more of my brain time than they need. Once I identify a source of anxiety, I logically evaluate if there is anything that I can do about it (now, or later) and then simply keep ignoring thoughts that come up about the issue. You can't think your way out of anxiety.
If you are a programmer, or otherwise very analytical in your thinking and problem solving yet still struggle with this concept and have anxiety over issues in your life, meditation is honestly the most important thing you can introduce in your life.
Fen1kz ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:23:58 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we're speaking about life advices, sentences such as above always bugged me. She doesn't wins because she is calm with loses, she wins because she has dedication and years of practice.
While I appreciate your post, please don't go into "believe in the way of your heart" over-positive bullshit. You're essentially break it as promising something good/worthful will happen if you calm down, meditate and accept you life, meanwhile in reality you also have to work hard for it. Like, really hard. Nothing comes free.
zer0buscus ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:53:20 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Serena Williams' dedication & practice comes from exactly that positive self-talk though. You can't seriously think that anyone who's cultivated a talent over years of work did so by beating themselves up every time they failed. No, of course not.
The point isn't "anyone can be like Serena Williams, just BELIEVE IN YOURSELF" or anything silly like that.
The point is "You're not gonna succeed if you tell yourself you're a failure every time you fail. Here is an example of how to do it - and this example will probably be a famous person because if I give my next door neighbor as an example it'll go over your head since you've never heard of her."
cone_eater ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:46:06 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who has played tennis for decades and also competitively, I strongly disagree with your statement. Rebounding from losses and even mid-game slumps or setbacks is a significant asset on-court and off.
Of course there's hard work, time, commitment and practice involved. Every player that wants to compete has to pay that due. But on court, the mental aspect of performing is significant. Self-belief can be a deciding factor in a match.
NorreN8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:04 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, what does she really have to lose. She's still rich and famous almost no matter what. I get what you mean and I know it is a horrible way to think, but that is just the reality. Though, as you said, I really appreciate the post and it was a good read.
Christinatrin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:43 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you consider that quote as a contest between physical and experiential equals-- it makes sense.
Serena vs. Ordinary Person? Hands down all about dedication to her sport and effort.
Serena vs. Venus (or some other great tennis player) Sports Psychology proves this is a make or break strategy.
Right?
Fen1kz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:42 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My point is that is uverused and very bad example. It's like, you know, learn drawing. You draw for years and it gets better and better and your friends are not ROFLing when they see your drawings. But it takes years of practice.
Then some guy in a depression hears "You know why Fen1kz is so good at drawing? Because even if he makes mistake and fuck up whole picture he thinks 'Nothing I can do about that. But hey, I'm still good. I love doing this.'"
But it is only part of the story, tied to "positive mindset bullshit".
Worse part of it is that depressed dude will start to use "positive mindset" and will fuck up hard, because OP masked "tedious practice" with positive mindset.
OhNoRhino ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:03:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is all good general advice...
Also, consider seeking professional help
It's not uncommon - and most credible psychologists / psychiatrists don't just want to push pills down your throat
Even a single counseling session can give you real good tools for dealing with these types of issues
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) can work wonders
ChLoRo8523 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:28 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All this advice is grounded in dialectical behavioral therapy, which is a third wave CBT therapy approach.
OhNoRhino ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:37:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cool!
crUnchakapoo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:41:07 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This analysis is has themese of Chan/Zen Buddhism in it. Great advice. I wish they would send this whole thing post out to all undergrads during this period at the end of exams.
Keyster_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:54:43 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For people who want to try this guided, there is an app called headspace for that
samuswashere ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:57:57 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone recently told me this and it was like a light went off. I always avoided meditating because I felt like I was doing it wrong because I couldn't keep my mind 'empty'. A trainer explained to me that not only is it ok if your mind starts wandering and you have to recenter your thoughts back on your breathing over and over, it's literally just as good because the whole point is you are training yourself through repetition, just like lifting weights.
djpapamidnite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:14:53 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't really get that part fully until you said this comment. Thank you! I was thinking "it's a muscle so it needs to relax after working hard??" Instead of "it's a muscle and you are training it to "meditate" constantly / be mindful"
modjaiden ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:29:36 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like it works fantastic, for people who's anxiety and depression is all in their head & irrational. What about rational depression and anxiety? Stressing over failing an exam is one thing, but what about people stressing over losing their job, or someone who is depressed because literally every meaningful connection they have ever had has denounced them. What about people who are depressed or anxious because they have physical condtions that debilitate them constantly? What you have offered here, sounds to me like a very temporary feeling of ignorance to all the shit that life serves up. This sounds to me like a cure for highschool "depression". Not real, "my life is actually fucking terrible and every single day of it I wonder, why have I not killed myself yet" what do I do about that? .. sorry if I sound like I'm attacking you here. I know you're only trying to help, but honestly it pisses me off a bit when people think they can write a paragraph to cure all the depression in the world. You may as well have told me I need Jesus. Just because something works for someone, doesn't mean it works for everyone. Granted, there are things you said that I agree with, people who are depressed have a tendency to sort of build up their walls of depression. It's not intentional, but it's also not unintentional. You sort of sabotage yourself with negative thinking, and yes, I can see how meditation might help with this, but for me, as soon as I stopped and started back into the flow of life, I would just end up easing right back into my depressed slump.
Tl;dr: no paragraph is going to magically cure your depression. Meditation won't either. Your meditation is exactly the same as my dependence on cannabis to get me through a day. It's nothing but a way of shutting up your own head. In conclusion, smoke weed every day.
ChLoRo8523 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 18:00:03 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, nope. All this advice is DBT. It's a treatment modality developed for treatment of borderline personality disorder and folks with high suicidality. We know it's at least twice as effective as even the best medication, and likely moreso than your cannabis use disorder. That's a maladaptive coping mechanism. Replacing it with skills will make you much more effective and reduce your avoidance.
Source: am DBT therapist.
modjaiden ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:25:05 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol'd
oh for everyone you mean?
Your coping mechanism doesn't work for me. it might work for other people, but not for me. As i'm sure you know, most people who are depressed get medicated through prescription anti-depressants or go through years of theropy (which i'm sure you have no complaints about. cha ching). THIS is your maladaptive coping method. Maybe cannabis isn't the best cure, but it's the only thing i have found that works for Me. and it does a ridiculously good job of it as long as i don't over do it. and even when i do over do it, it just makes me feel happier but can sometimes result in me feeling unmotivated... until i don't smoke for a day, and then i'm fine.
Here's the thing. unless you can give me another method of coping that can take a full blown brain shattering panic attack where i'm literally using all of my capacity not to grab a razer and end my own life to make it stop, and turn me back into a normal functional human being who can get on with their life that actually isn't as fucking terrible as i make it out to be in my head, Then i think i'll stick to my "maladaptive coping mechanism"
PS. I've had a number of therapists try and take me through countless ways of coping with my anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. None of them work. All of them were pathetic distractions. Why not use a distraction that works? Most of them don't even pan out in the real world like "oh when you're anxious, you should just meditate for an hour" What about when you're at work and you start feeling a panic attack coming on and nothing you tell yourself in your head is able to dissuade you from panicking. If you're taking panic attack breaks all the time, you're going to have another thing to be anxious about very soon when you don't have a job anymore. Some of the nonsense those quacks spouted at me still enrages me to this day.
You know what the real truth is? if you are depressed because your life is depressing you, you need to change your life. The problem with large life changes, is they don't always happen over night and some people need a crutch to keep them up while they fight the long fight. For some people that's antidepressants. For others it's meditation. For me, Cannabis will do just fine, because 1 hit will kill a panic attack in it's tracks. again. Find me something else that does that and i'll try it. the other thing, is i also like the effect cannabis has on me. It makes me feel happy which i just don't feel normally. The last time i was genuinely happy without cannabis was when i was an ignorant child, and even then, i wasn't really happy. i just didn't know i wasn't. so you can see that this is a big deal for me. it's what keeps me going day to day. if you're telling me to tell me to stop smoking weed, you're telling me to commit suicide. I've found what works for me and until i've worked through my shit, i'm going to continue using cannabis as my crutch. Cannabis is a medicine, not a disorder. smh
ChLoRo8523 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:10:44 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It makes you feel better. It doesn't make the causes of the anxiety and panic go away. That's substance use coping in a nutshell. You say it works but leaves you unmotivated. Then you say you need to change your life. Changing life requires some amount of motivation.
And when I say effective, I'm referring to clinically researched efficacy rates. Not anecdotal experience. DBT and prolonged expose therapies, when done in full with fidelity to the model, hit 70-80% reduction in symptoms with sustained remission. But you do you, man.
And for what it's worth, since I picked up on some cynicism, I work in community mental health in an underserved area. I dont bank shit. I do it because I know it works and I'm motivated to help people.
modjaiden ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:35:18 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you even attempting to twist my words, there is a record of them
Do you just read what you want to read?
Yes i was a bit cynical because you merely dismissed what i said without even considering for a moment that there might be some truth in it. Cannabis has a stigma. and you were coming off as holier than thou (in my opinion at least i admit i may have misinterperated)
I'm thrilled that you do your work for the moral value of it. If i had therapists like you, maybe i wouldn't have denounced them all as bullshit. It's a terrible truth, but it is in the interests of therapists to keep their patients visiting and some abuse their position. I have had this horrible experience myself. I now self medicate, because it works for me. and i have made real positive changes in my life because i do. I feel like you might benefit from researching more into cannabis. If cannabis is a bad coping method, anti-depressants are worse. I am choosing the lesser of 2 evils if that's how you want to look at it. But seriously, i get the vibe that you one of the people still shrouded under the "pot is evil" stigma. have a chat with the fine people on r/trees
ChLoRo8523 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:24:58 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually pretty pro legalization. But from the sounds of the initial reply (and granted, I may have read too quickly) it sounded like it had become persistent and utilized as a means of "nothing else works," which is an area of desperation. And the "by telling me not to smoke you're telling me to commit suicide" bit is what really struck me, and suggests that there's a ton more going on than any form of medication, be it pharmaceutical or natural and self-administered, will be able to take care of. Where the line gets drawn is impairment in two domains of functioning; occupational, social, etc. If the use isn't significant enough that it stops you from being functional, keep it up as support as long as you're getting the treatment for the underlying causes as well.
I apologize for being dismissive earlier. You're absolutely right that different things work for different people. But I've seen firsthand with an old roommate (and friend) that what starts as smoking to feel better can easily spiral into avoidance and further maladaptive coping, which only makes things worse.
I wish you the best on your mental health journey, and I hope that you can find some genuine, caring providers to help you along the way. Look into DBT, if you're interested. It's not so much one coping skill as it is a collection of about 30, that we try to integrate and find a combo that's most effective for you. Ultimately the goal would be getting back to toking recreationally, and not as a means to knock down the panic attacks (because ideally they won't happen or get bad enough in the first place!)
Cheers.
modjaiden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:07 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I may have been over dramatic. I can live without weed, but I am unhappy all the time and I don't want to go on fighting. Cannabis, when I dose properly, motivates me a lot actually. I always toke when I'm working on a project, and I get shit done. It's actually more like it un-demotivates me. But I have to be careful to not over indulge because it turns me into a potato. But like I say, I stop for a day, sometimes 2 and I get this kind of natural high where I feel almost 'normal' and feel motivated and enthusiastic. But this is very temporary. It lasts rarely more than a day before my symptoms come back and they hit HARD. It can be a little difficult to regulate yourself with weed though, especially when you're using it more than recreationally.
PS. I almost never get panic attacks now. Previously I would be lucky to go more than a day without one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:53 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
furixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:38 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the aspect of meditation that resonates with me is isolating things down to a moment. depression is ultimately a choice. no matter what happens to you in life, you have a choice as to how you react to it. if in the moment, you take control and choose to look at the positives with gratitude, and then the next moment, one after another until focusing on the light becomes a habit, you can change things. stop letting the word "can't" be part of your vocabulary. this worked for me, you might try it and see. there will be backsliding, but just get back on the horse. meditation is a more passive approach of just letting go, but as you say, depressed people need to change their life, and this commitment to focusing on the positive in the moment is one way of doing it.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:08 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
modjaiden ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:34:11 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because i don't want to meditate 24 hours a day 7 days a week? i meant stopped like "finished a meditation session" it wasn't helping. i did it for months.
I did not call any other depression than mine, not real depression. I merely meant to say that stressing over exams is not the same as stressing over the fact that you just got laid off the same week that you got a final notice on your rent or mortgage and found out that your wife has been sleeping with another man for years. THOSE are things to be depressed about. things you can't change with just positive vibes. they are physical, debilitating parts of our lives that we need to work past or change. Meditation won't get your job back, or your wife back, or change anything. It makes you feel good for a period of time until you have to do it again.
Calm the fuck down. maybe go meditate.
Edit: They also didn't say it wasn't a cure, or for everyone. They merely stated it like it was a fact of life that meditation helps everyone. It does not. That is what i pointed out.
donkeyboner2000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:31:16 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like how the only guy in here with actual anxiety, panic, and depression is getting down-voted while people who have only read about it on the internet and are pretending like they know everything are receiving gold.
I'm with you u/modjaiden. Finding a quiet place and pretending that you are on a beach while you act like a hot air balloon is all well and good if your anxiety is brought on by daily stress, but there are many nastier sources of anxiety where applying this advice simply isn't practical or even useful.
VeryWeirdo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:32:48 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First of all, /u/modjaiden is certainly not the only one with "actual" depression in this thread. Most of the people here saying that they are depressed are describing real, actual, clinical depression. It comes in many forms. My depression is just as real as his.
You are incorrect in your assessment of meditation. It's certainly not limited to daily stress. If someone is panicking about a divorce, or a lost job, or a terminal condition, meditation is one of the simplest and often the most effective method of relieving that stress. It can't necessarily make the problem go away, but it can make it possible to focus, to think clearly, to get a handle on the stress and anxiety. You won't fix your terminal condition, but you can change your attitude towards it. Believe it or not, there are many people with terrible conditions that are nevertheless happy. Meditation is one way to reach that state. Stress and depression are in the mind, and they can be addressed independent of other physical or life problems.
This isn't woo people in this thread are making up. Ask almost any therapist, and they'll confirm what I wrote above. This is a well-known technique backed by numerous studies. Like everything, it won't work for everyone, but it will for many.
modjaiden ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:10:14 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for repeating the same thing that everyone has said to me already. Now let me repeat the same thing to you that i've said to everyone. Your coping mechanism doesn't work for me. it might work for other people, but not for me.
When i was in therapy, i was instructed to meditate. i tried it daily for idk how long. months. Every. Single. Time. I regretted doing it. i found that i was completely unable to quiet my head when i did this, and in fact it intensified my negative thoughts to the point that i would have to get up, and walk around to calm myself down. My heart rate increased, my panic increased, it would take a bit of negative background noise and amplify it to the point of utter terror over the stupidest shit, like having to call into a call center for support with whatever.
Thank you for your opinion, but i think i'm good. This works for ME and i am improving. More so than i ever did when i was in therapy. It actually always made me feel worse. Most of the time i'd go into the session like Meh, and come out either completely enraged because the guy was a fucking moron, or feeling more unhappy than when i went in and the thing is, it wouldn't be like i feel bad because shit got brought up, and i was forced to face with it. The experience always helped me with nothing but focusing on the negative. What i do now, is essentially ignore the negative, because there's nothing i can do about it but chip away at it slowly over time. You're probably going to say something like "oh you just had a bad therapist." How about 6 bad therapists? Maybe, Just maybe. Therapy isn't the answer for everyone. I am exponentially better off handling this myself, and talking about it with people who actually give a shit. not just get paid to give a shit. I hated the whole situation. it's not for me.
VeryWeirdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:09 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment was in response to /u/donkeyboner2000; I took issue with his comment on "real" depression. I agree that meditation doesn't help everyone; my other comment touches on other things in your post that I think are worth discussing, like rationality and depression.
misskinky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:01 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok so that's definitely the wrong therapist for you. It took me 5 tries to find the right therapy and therapist for me. No meditating, no mantras, no EDMR, no EBT, none of that worked. Crystals and aromatherapy noooo. CBT and DBT both helped a lot, but still felt not quite right for me to do longterm. I'd love to try art therapy or exercise therapy but haven't found a place. My current therapist uses a form of reflective talk therapy (forget the official name) that has been the best thing for me so far. I also use kava, a traditional herbal supplement that works better for me than xanax, although both antidepressants and Xanax were helpful for me for a time.
Oh and I find Tetris 100% better than any meditation, which made my mind go to dark places. Tetris is just invigorating enough that I have to concentrate fully but it doesn't stress me at all..
It makes me sad when my friends say "therapy didn't work for me." There are tens if not hundreds of types of therapies. And each of those therapies has multiple therapists, some which might click with you more than others. Most people I've talked to in "real" life, try one, maybe two, and then give up and say it didn't help. I don't judge, it's their life, I am just sad they're probably missing a lot of opportunities to feel better and less suicidal like me.
Therapy + kava didn't make any of my permanent problems go away; but it helped me cope with them better, feel better Day to Day, come up with strategies to get rid of some of the problems that were changeable, reduce panic attacks from 3-4x a day to 1-2 a week, and I no longer contemplate jumping off bridges.
modjaiden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:59 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THANK YOU! OMG! Fuck, I seriously thought the whole internet went full retard today. I've had like 4 separate outrages at posts on various websites and subreddits in the space of just a few hours.. I just should get off the internet.
Edit: But just for the butthurters, i don't actually think i'm the only one here with real depression. But there is a distinction between feeling depressed and being depressed.
jbartlettcoys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:51 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The difference with what you call 'being depressed', is just that as well as the fact that you feel depressed, you have an additional problem. Losing your job, rent overdue etc. But the actual depression itself is an isolated problem. Obviously this is demonstrated by the fact that one person may 'be depressed' by his life situation, and another person could be in the exact same situation and be free from depression and excessive worry.
I know it's not the same as work problems, money problems etc which require personal action to solve, but just as an example, I struggled with depression in the past, and one of the main focuses of my depression was the ill health of my mother. Of course that is a real factor which I imagine you would differentiate from being depressed by, for example, the passage of time. But I learnt that, at least for me, breaking my 'depression' about my mother's health down into segments helped.
Problem A: The health of my mother.
Problem B: My depression.
And just because problem A was out of my control, I learnt that problem B didn't have to be, and I could deal with it as it's own problem.
P.S. I am sorry if this comes off as patronising, I'm really not trying to preach, just trying to express the fact that I think your statement that there is a distinction between feeling depressed and being depressed is lacking nuance.
VeryWeirdo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:57:54 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sympathize and I totally understand your position. I've been there too. "I have actual problems; actual problems aren't going to be solved by feel-good mental bullshit. They're still there when I open my eyes".
All I want to say is this: clinical depression is never "rational". Sadness? Yes. Fear, worry, confusion, doubt? Sure. They're temporary emotions that are useful in addressing the real problems that we face. Depression is not; when you're in a constant, endless state of feeling hopeless and being unmotivated, it's much harder to address other problems. Problems can exist in the outside world, but depression is always "in your head".
Some people are able to lose their job, see a friend die, or receive a terminal diagnosis, and continue finding joy in life even as they go for chemotherapy. I am not one of those people. But the difference between me and them is purely mental, and that can be changed. It's not easy. It may not work for everyone, at least not with the same approach. But I believe it's possible.
This is the blind leading the blind; I don't have all the the answers and I don't think anyone does. But if meditation can help someone achieve even moments of peace or contentment in the midst of inner turmoil or depression, I think it's worth preaching.
modjaiden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. depression is always in your head, but sometimes it has external triggers. and those external triggers can not be dealt with by meditation. That is what i meant by rational depression. I mean reasonable depression really. Being stressed because you failed an exam like the highlighted comment used as an example is not the same thing. Meditation might aid you and other people, but it debilitates me. I don't need a traumatic thing to happen to me to feel unhappy. My life has actually been relatively trauma free. I'm merely not satisfied with my current existence or what we call society. I'm unsatisfied with the world as it is, and i can't change that. and changing how i think, sounds like just being okay with the fact that everything in the world is pretty shit. We all just go from distraction to distraction. I honestly would like to opt out of society and just go live in a cave somewhere half the time.
What do you do when your problem is that you reject your reality? i wish i could take the red pill and wake up. at least then i'd have something meaningful to do with my existence on this planet. we live until we die. and that's it. You ever play Minecraft? You know when you get to the point when just building for the sake of building stops being fun? that's kind of like my life. I just live for the sake of living and i'm frankly bored of it.
jormungandr_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:25 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just wanted to send some encouragement your way that if you ever decide to pick meditation back up a lot of the benefits aren't immediate but occur long-term. I was suffering from severe depression and anxiety and I can say about a year's worth of practice has reduced my symptoms by like 75%. And my issues were definitely rational. I'd be happy to share more over PM.
It might not be the same for everyone, but you could easily do that while still doing the other things you're doing to cope. If you're interested, check out this book called 'The Mind Illuminated,' it lays out ten stages of meditation you go through.
Have a great day!
modjaiden ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:19:27 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, i don't see any benefit in it. Every time i have sat down and tried to do it, i end up just inescapably fixating on my negative thoughts. Sometimes i legitimately hear myself in my head telling myself things like what's the point and that sort of crap, and it's like i'm having a literal argument with myself in my head. "you're a fucking piece of shit who's worth nothing. What do you even do? all you do is go around making other people unhappy, spreading hate and negativity" but then the other me that fights back is like "i mean, there are a lot worse people than me.. people who might even be worth less than me, if anyone really has any worth to begin with, and as for making everyone unhappy.. ya sometimes you piss people off, but not the few people in my life who i actually care about anymore. I think i actually do the opposite more often than not"
As far as i can tell, my primary mental hangups are that i can never be satisfied with anything that i do. I often find myself making decisions that make other people happy and leave me unhappy. in my head it's like some kind of "oh here let me feel that negativity for you. i'm used to it" nonsense. I have a serious problem with self worth, and i feel like everything meaningful in life is so unreachable.
and the last one i know of is an interesting one, i think so at least.. I don't know what i want. People ask me out to do things and in my head i'm like that sounds fucking terrible, but when i force myself to go, i almost always have some fun. This one is a big one for me, because it's the one that has effected other people in my life. My girlfriend of 7 years almost left me partly because of it. I became a "No Man" and she is a "FUCK YES! -dives in head first- Woman) I just didn't realize i was effecting her so much so now, i just say yes to just about everything she or anyone else suggests for something to do, and low and behold, I actually find myself enjoying myself, most of the time. I think this all stems from a "If i don't leave my house, nothing can hurt me, my life won't get any worse" sort of place. Which is a very dangerous head space.
You can hopefully see that i am actually not just blowing smoke here. I do actually know what i'm talking about and i am actually bettering myself. If i look back even just a month, i almost feel a bit proud of myself for it (at least until my head is like, Congradufuckinglations on the big boy acting his god damn age for a change. want a fucking parade?)
I'm pretty fucking hard on myself, and i don't know why. There are much worse people than me. I am improving though. and my Cannacrutch is at least 50% responsible for my progress. You could say 100% since if i didn't smoke it, i would simply not have had the strength to take the first step & nothing else has ever done me a shred of good.
Thanks. You have a great day too (wow this post got long af sorry)
jormungandr_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:22 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I know the feeling, when I first started meditating like 98% of my time was mind-wandering. But I just trained myself to not pay attention to those thoughts. What makes meditation so effective long term is that by redirecting your attention back to the breath, over time you don't give those thoughts any energy, so to speak, so they stop popping up to a large degree. Maybe at first you can only do it like 3 times over a 15 minute time frame but that turns into six, and then to fifteen and then you're mostly inwardly silent. That inner turmoil you're experiencing isn't because of meditation though. It's always there but when you put you're attention on the breath it just becomes much more obvious.
Anyway, up to you if you ever want to pick it back up.
You're just as deserving of happiness as anyone else, you just have to invest in yourself a little bit. There's no point being friends with people who don't have any shared interests or want to do the things you like to do.
Honestly that's awesome, it definitely does sound like you are making a lot of headway here from self-reflection. I know there were a few people who were kind of criticizing your method of coping but I'm all for whatever works. You're aware of the downsides, as long as you can manage it just keep doing what you're doing.
It seems like your self-image hasn't quite caught up with your improvements yet. That will come!
karlamorgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:38 on May 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I truly enjoyed your comment.
modjaiden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:56 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kthx. I truly enjoyed yours too.
karlamorgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:42 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did you seriously just say "kthx" in response to a compliment? alright man.
modjaiden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:30 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know what else to say. I don't normally get random complements as comments. i was like k..... thanks? not sure if sarcasm...? ...days after i posted this comment.....? :I If it was just intended as a complement, thanks. but i honestly wasn't sure. This is the internet.
karlamorgan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:57 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I followed a link to it from another subreddit, the original comment is hugely popular. no sarcasm, sorry if it came off that way. I enjoyed the way you wrote.
PumpChili ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:24:09 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have suggestions for how to switch from negative thinking to positive? I have tried positive thinking, but it just feels like empty words I'm telling myself. Deep down, I don't feel like I really believe it and the negative thoughts are the truth.
Cissyrene ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:35:58 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep practising the positive thinking. It really really is a situation where you fake it til you make it. Anytime you have a negative thought, give yourself a compliment. You have to change your own mind, which takes time, but keep practicing.
misskinky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:09 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally fake it until you make it. It's like a field of grass with lots of worn dirt paths with the thoughts you think a lot. It's easy to think those thoughts. You have to force yourself to walk through the grass and think a new thought even though it feels weird and not quite right. Do it over and over again (repeat mantras, say "im proud of XYZ", say "im happy today because," name 3 good things around you, etc etc) and eventually those paths will be well-worn too and very easy and natural to think that way without consciously trying
Christinatrin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:12:28 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would try addressing the validity of the underlying negativity. OP spent a paragraph describing how to distance yourself from the present moment and scenario you are worrying about, take a few steps back and consider the long view: Is failing that test really going to mean failing the class and flunking and losing any hope of succeeding in the world? No. People recover and adapt if they have the mindset to do so. The people you worry most about disappointing will move on, and so will you. Multitudes upon multitudes have failed, over and over, until they finally succeeded. Failure is an essential part of life, learn from it and apply the lessons you lean to the next hurdle. When you get over the hurdle-- it will feel SO GOOD.
And then onto the next hurdle.
badgersofdoom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:37:25 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Change your word choice, both when talking and when thinking. Reframe the situation.
For the longest time I was fixated on how many times I had failed, but then I realized that I couldn't have failed so many times if I hadn't gotten back up after every setback and tried again. So now instead of thinking, "I keep failing", I think, "I keep trying again". That thought extends to a lot of aspects of your life. It's so much more important that you're strong enough to get back up and keep trying even if life knocks you down every time. Once I had some time to accept that, I was actually a little bit proud of myself for the first time in a very long time.
TripleDet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:25:58 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone should turn this into an audio post. I imagine it would sound extremely comforting.
maplemario ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:39:16 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on me, noticing my breathing and my heart rate is my one anxiety trigger.
bloodstreamcity ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:45:19 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*your
(just messing. you're awesome)
meta30403 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:54:52 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will try this. Thanks!
SmearMeWithPasta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:43 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The world needs more people like you. Very well put, loved every part of it!
6roybatty6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:51 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And, though it feels sometimes like you can't possibly get where you want to in life without passing those exams right now, remember that there's always another way. You can retake exams if you need to, or you can do something else. Remember, it's all just stuff. It seems super serious right now, but that's just because it's happening right now.
Dhltnp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:30 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If the poster of the topic want to try the meditation suggestion from captLights, I have to offer a free month Headspace (guided meditation app) subscription. Just Pm me, I will give you the code.
yabuoy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:05:06 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/zanpie check this out
surrealbot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:30:56 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think im finally getting my life back on track. And your wise words are very much true. I'll try to practice it soon.
Am__I__Sam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. I really needed this. I feel like making a poster out of it and hanging it in my apartment
NuclearAt0m ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:43 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is nice
Decalcomanie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:46 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're the best.
MrPureinstinct ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:55 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that was beautifully written. Thank you for taking the time to type this all out. Definitely something I'll be keeping for when I'm having a bad mental health day.
Raoul_Dukes_Mayo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:54 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At 32 years old I have now realized I've struggled with anxiety since I was a child. No one understood and most thought I was just overreacting. I got diagnosed in my late 20's and have been on a medication for a couple of years that truly works for me.
This is a long way to say I will likely send your explanation of calming anxiety to my family because I can't quite explain it myself, and definitely can't explain it with more eloquence.
Thanks for the post. Good health to you.
tenaciousNIKA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:48 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're just trying to trick us into meditating! But foreal thanks for this. I've been trying to convince my anxiety ridden friend to start meditating (worked wonders for me) and I'm gonna take some cues from your comment to do so
probablypsychotic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:43 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this. Realest shit I've heard, and needed to hear in a long time.
Novori12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:04:27 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What works for me is reminding myself what I'm physically capable of, or what I have immediate control over.
I'm physically capable of standing up. I'm physically capable of making that phone call. Once I do one of these things, I'm usually able to do something else.
While something has me freaking out, I break it down to stupid simple yes or no decisions.
That's just me, though.
flamingdonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:03 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been the greatest help for my anxiety, and definitely my depression. Meditation has changed my life and I can't recommend it enough
oregonpsycho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:11 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mindfulness and selfcare! Two of my favorite things <3
crashtheparty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:45:07 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Save
kasizami ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:19 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed this actually. So thank you for this. I'm gonna go and do this first thing in the morning. Been rough lately I wanna do something different rather than lingering in my problems and bashing my head for it.
Im_a_shitty_Trans_Am ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:37 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks man. I needed this. Or at least can use it to an extent.
blondedre3000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:44:20 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This huge wall of text gave me an anxiety attack
Paisleybabe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:19 on May 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gah self cares been something I've been struggling with lately, thank you for the guide !!
RoN1N_X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:12 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great read
mgomps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:32 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out the app: Smiling Mind It has a ton of great relaxation sessions.
GORAKHPUR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:26 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look online for " mindfulleness in plain english" by venerable Henepola gunaratna
Norwegian_whale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:33 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you thinking of Mindfullness Plain and Simple by Oli Doyle?
GORAKHPUR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:02 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. By venerable Henepola gunaratna
oowowaee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:00:19 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's something that I never really ascribed much value to you - but I used to go donate blood, and I am wtf afraid of needles.
I still remember the first time I went, and they told me my pulse was too high to donate, did I want to wait a few minutes and try again? I tried just deep, mindful breathing, and I was really blown away by the physical evidence of what a discernable difference it made to calm me down. Breathing works, yo!
Relaxed_Rage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:25 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. I'm in a bad place because of work failures and this is helping somewhat
travtravs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:24 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I suffer from anxiety and depression and what you just wrote has already helped me immensely! Thank you so much for taking the time to write that all out, and for being such an amazing human being :)
wobowobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get anxiety attacks often while driving. Is there a method for calming down while still functioning/operating motor vehicle? Assuming there's no option to pull over.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get this too and it's so frightening
snaughtrockets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:27 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I often hold in my anxiety all day at work then it breaks when I get in my car to go home. While this is not healthy behavior, I have two ways of dealing with it:
Put in a CD or playlist with something that you know all the words to. Focus on singing along to every word with perfect accuracy as loud as you can.
My psych taught me this technique. It's much quieter. It's called Square Breathing and it's really simple at slowing everything down. Inhale for 5 seconds. Hold for 5 seconds. Exhale for 5 seconds. Hold for 5 seconds. Do this until you feel yourself calm down. It takes me about a half hour, so don't get discouraged.
Hopefully you're aware that anxiety is a really common issue with lots of people, so keep asking for advice on how to cope with unique situations. I decided to get professional help for it and I have a better handle on my anxiety.
local_drunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:52 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks very much!
TheShroomHermit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:01 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is how I'd like to meditate. I've been through a guided meditation where I'm supposed to pretend I'm traveling through space. And it didn't seem helpful. It seemed like bullshit.
Sedorner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:15 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It can be hard to make it three minutes at first. One thing that has helped me was just counting my breaths, to ten and then starting over, repeat.
MlleBree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:53 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I was going to leave a comment but I don't know that there's much more to say. Please listen to this OP.
Rawr_meow_woof_oink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:12 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is exactly how the monks taught us to meditate when I stayed at a Buddhist monastery for a while. Very helpful and peaceful exercises
rabidhamster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:46 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for posting this. I've been feeling kind of lost and depressed today and yesterday. A lot of stressful and sad things have happened in the last year and I start working myself up thinking of what I should've and could've said and done. I wake up the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep and I've always been a long/deep sleeper before. I probably need to go talk to someone, but I think if I start practicing this, it could help me overcome a lot of the problems I'm facing.
zawell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:59 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once you've got a task to do, it's better to do it than live with the fear of it. - Joe Abercrombie
ipfaffy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:37 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was incredibly helpful to a lot of people, I'm sure. I wanted to add my thanks- I have anxiety and depression issues, and reading this gave me a motivation I haven't felt in a long time. Thanks.
dtmc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:29 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gonna plug therapy: you don't need to be feeling terrible to see a therapist; find one that you work well with.
And also the app "Stop. Breathe. Think." โ a great free-to-use mindful meditation. The free sections (it's freemium) are great and I know several mental health professionals who recommend it.
ImTheOneWhoChimps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:36 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My fear is having an attack where escaping to a quiet place isn't possible. Like on a plane or at an interview
lyan-cat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With enough practice, even on a plane or in an interview you can "center" yourself quickly. I have a friend whose father has meditated daily for years, and you can tell. I jokingly asked my friend (who is exceedingly hyper and loud) how his dad could meditate with him in the house. His reply, "My dad would pull a light blanket or sheet over his head in the living room and go for it! Yeah it probably looked strange, but who cares if it works!" (Yes, my friend speaks in exclamation points.)
Itadlos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:48 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed this. Thank you!
ChLoRo8523 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:24 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So basically, DBT. Got it.
crabwhisperer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:08 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That second paragraph reminded me of the Litany Against Fear from Dune. Cool.
theamazingretardo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the first paragraph will also cure hiccups. fyi.
gg_rekt-by-azir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:09 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you been watching exurb1a?
LadyCalandriaMay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:03 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/calm-meditation-to-relax-focus-sleep-better/id571800810?mt=8
Great meditation app! I had it on Android as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:06 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im saving this. Great post!
naidim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:05 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
re: Sugar addiction If you cut sugar cold turkey, expect flu-like symptoms. Either be ready to deal with those or taper.
GoNinGoomy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's easy to say a lot of these things but summoning the will to do most of them is the challenge.
TheOnyxReaper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:17 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who regularly deals with attacks and generalized anxiety, thank you. I was having an especially shitty day today, worrying as usual, but I'm going to try this. Here's hoping it works.
IDidThisSoFuckMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:44 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a quick note. Thank you :) I was just diagnosed with a Vitamin D deficiency just after being diagnosed withs severe general anxiety disorder. I am now going to add this as another tool in my fight to combat this. Please accept a small token of my appreciation.
Lizzardis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:06 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to give my two cents by saying that, this is some of the best advice I have ever seen. Even without having Depression or Anxiety, this is seriously good advice to follow and listen to!
You put usually a very hard thing to talk about, in such simple language which makes it so easy to understand. The metaphors you used weโre spot on, and I just want to say a massive well done!
From a Psychologist, this was an absolute superb answer, and a superb way of helping.
AskRedditLurker_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:27 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
..
stapletonbtch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:52 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Been looking for a way to make everything stop in my life so I could just have a moment of peace. You just gave me a way to do that without me doing something I'll regret. Thank you
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:48 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to save this for the next time I'm feeling down. Thanks so much for this.
LifeIsInvalid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:21 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i could give gold i definitely would give it to you right now... When i wake up tomorrow i will try this.
ParentPostLacksWang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:08 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, if you find you're not able to breathe normally, because you feel your anxiety is building up to a full-on panic attack, try this:
Breathe out quickly to start with empty lungs.
1. Take a deep breath in taking five seconds. Hold it for five seconds, then breathe all the way back out taking five seconds. Remember you're physically okay.
2. Take another deep breath in taking five seconds. Hold it for five seconds, then breathe all the way back out taking five seconds. Remember you're physically okay.
3. Now, try to breathe "normally" four times as you feel you need. Don't worry, it's natural to be very conscious of these breaths. Just be aware of how they feel and count.
4. Go back to number (1) and do it again (and again...), and your feelings of breathlessness will subside.
Loloweb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:00 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for this, but how am I supposed to watch your teachings if my phone and/or laptop is closed?
OnlySlightlyFamous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate the time it took you to write all of this up. Thank you. This is good stuff.
Havins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:00 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed this. Thank you so much, and best of luck on your continued journey if you're going through something similar. I know it's a constant battle, even if you have a routine down.
kit___kat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:02 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of the most helpful things I've read. It's like you are describing me. I am taking this to heart and will be trying these suggestions!
Veganproteincookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing, thank you
khakeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good post!
Christinatrin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:29 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If only I had read this my Freshman year at CSM...
Titan-uranus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:51 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man this is almost like word for word what my therapist did with me, saved my life
Awake00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something that's worked for me with my panic attacks is just coming face to face with it. Did your heart stop last time you felt a weird sensation in your chest? Did you pass out last time everything seemed too surreal to handle? Did you have a stroke the last time you thought everything felt different to your touch? No. You didn't. Never have, and never will. It didn't happen last time and it's not going to happen this time. Now get on with your life.
I know this is a little dangerous. What if those chest pains really are something to worry about, but I have a clean bill of health and everything is fine.
I started having debilitating panic attacks (fetal position in my bed crying) at around 22 years old. When I figured this trick out around the age of 28, it really helped. Took several months to "get over them" and now I'm 33 and haven't had a serious panic attack in almost five years. Yay!
alphaswitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CTS anxiety
endlessness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:37 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I highly recommend a daily meditation practice. For anybody interested, The Mind Illuminated by by Dr. Culadasa is a great step-by-step breakdown of the meditation practice. Also visit the very helpful group in /r/TheMindIlluminated/
mini_thins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:48 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gassho ๐
californiadeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:31 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you ๐ช
beetlejuice2417 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:53 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really needed this today...and I never comment ever. Thank you very much!
daunbugless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shared with my gf with anxiety and self-confidence probs. Thanks for putting into words what I couldn't.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:15 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, that's the best way anyone has explained meditation to me before.
I'll add that to my night things to do.
Joeclu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:56 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm an old, out of shape mo-flappy, and it hurts when I try to sit up, spine straight. What's the pertinence of sitting up straight when meditating? If it's about the mind, what's it matter?
Adnerp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:13 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say the recommendation for sitting up straight is for those people who are just starting meditation. If one were to recline or lay down to meditate when first starting out, they may fall asleep accidentally. That would be counter productive to say the least as you are trying to consciously focus on breathing, not become unconscious.
With practice, the stance that one takes while meditating becomes less important. One can even learn to meditate while performing a stationary exercise such as planking or peddling a stationary bike. An hour of cycling can seem to go by very quickly while you are just focused on breathing.
I'd suggest you do what you can do from captLights advice. It is not completely necessary to sit up straight, just don't accidentally fall asleep. I'd also suggest to try to breathe using your stomach, not just your chest. That is how I was taught to meditate.
Daxl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:07 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I consider what you wrote as a gift. A gift to me, a gift to OP, a gift to anyone who struggles with anxiety, depression, procrastination and a whole other slew of negative feelings. You took your time to help another...and I suspect many people will benefit. Congratulations my friend, you just made the world a better place for which I am personally grateful.
Its_Juice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:39 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn
Berf17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:13 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil?!
tripbin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:19 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great advice. Unfortunately some of the stuff doesn't work for me. Focusing on my breathing is about 20% of the cause of my anxiety and whenever I try to meditate it makes it worse due to that. Also having my phone off or dead during a anxiety attack also sends me down a worse spiral since I cant call for help (I dont but I need the option there for relief)
I end up doing a lot of what the rest says though. Distractions are great. Find something to do and focus on doing that. Usually it involves me tidying up the house so thats a plus lol.
YYYY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:46 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too true! Processed foods and nutrient deficient foods do not feed proper gut bacteria that produce tryptophane and seratonin. You will be anxious without them. Learn to cook. Grow your own, forage or buy organic foods when possible.
parktheark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:49 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I keep getting stuck at the shutting off cellphone part..
But seriously this is so helpful for anyone to do and it takes small steps and so much practice. Thanks!
red_langford ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:18 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replying for later reference
kingmi123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:24 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Where were u when I was in U?!?!
numberninenym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:01 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to read today.
therealkyleyates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:32 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You still have work to do" - my favorite bit. That's so real, when you start working that job you got with your degree you ain't got time for that feeling stuff. I'm practically Patrick Bateman now
ThatHermioneGranger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:11 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fantastic description of learning to meditate and how to stay in the present.
One of the things that really resonated with me when I was being treated for my anxiety disorder was the idea that anxiety is all about the future. If you stay in the present, it's harder to be anxious. If you're in the middle of a panic attack, grounding yourself using the techniques described here bring you into the present and away from the panic stimulus.
Philestor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:32 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, kind person, I really needed this today, I am going through basically the same situation as OP and was feeling very overwhelmed
Sleightly-Magical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:31 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful man. Just beautiful.
ImaProGamerAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:04 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't really understand what you are talking about.
MLuminos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:28 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can this be done laying down or reclined I'm a chair? Sitting straight for long is untenable for me at the moment.
IamAlmost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:59 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just lost my job. I am married with two kids. It is devastating to my family financially. We've lost our health insurance, our life insurance, and ability to survive and pay the bills. My blood pressure has skyrocketed and my body is failing me. I honestly can't see the end of this dark tunnel. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Meditating does help some, but then the reality returns and it is difficult to stop the thoughts, as they are valid. I do thank you for sharing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:25 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish that I could upvote this 1000 times. Thank you for taking time from your important things to post this for the benefit of everyone.
nutdriver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:04 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at least try to... do work while thinking about off'ing ... eventually the work becomes more stimulating
fatal_supremacy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:59 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who suffers from crippling anxiety and depression....Thank you, really.....thank you very much.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:50 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is good advice if you casually suffer from depression and anxiety or it's not that intense. It's bullshit advice for everyone else. "Just breathe, eat more fruit, bam! Depression cured" Not that easy for the rest of us buddy.
acebossrhino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:30 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been book marked for future use.
Doc_Lotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:56 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Golfclap
hyper_superego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:57 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well spoken. I have to remind myself that nothing is permanent.
whoissharon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:13 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone with panic disorder or any form of anxiety needs to read this. โค๏ธ
spermcell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:06 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would also say
Take a vacation if possible
Mooselessness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:44 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great post. Wanna add, if you are mid panic attack, exercise works wonders. Go run a mile as fast as you can, or do a hundred jumping jacks. Amazing anxiety cure.
Lukenasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:30 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do I bookmark this or like.. easily mark it to access it again please?
perrocontodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:36 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you my friend. Thank you.
themisprintguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:58 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, very practical advice!
Contrude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:17 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting for future use. Thank you!
nerys71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:18 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
honest question. quite serious as it applies directly to me and my situation in life.
How do you deal with the stress of an apparent no win scenario?
father died. left me with $150k in debt that was his but in my name so it does not die with him.
a business that might save me but the hostile landlord means I can't do anything major to it without risking losing the money if we get thrown out. so the business is running but barely paying its own bills IE not paying down any of the debt he left me.
lose the business the house is gone immediately because my second 40 hours a week job makes me just enough to pay the monthly payments on the notes I hold in my name and one of these notes which is my dads but they are trying to claim is mine woudl survive bankruptcy.
my drug recovering brother won't do anything and my mentally handicapped sister who I now have to care for for the rest of my life can't really do much of anything.
and I see no path "out" that does not end with me living in my car at some point and probably dying in that car at some point. Assuming I get to keep the car.
nothing bad has happened yet and that is almost worse I think. get sick? finished. lose my job? finished. landlord sells? finished. one major accident/repair/failure. Finished. I work close to 90 hours a week but only the second job gives me any income. I have no time for anything but work eat sleep.
I can't even sell the house to zero out since there would not be enough to pay down all the debt nor to buy a cheaper house somewhere else.
I am not asking for help with those issues as I don't think anyone can help me with those issues (let me know if I am wrong)
about the only thing I do seem to be able to have any sort of positive impact on is losing weight. 427 pounds now I have lost 35 pounds since January.
but how do you deal with the stress. its affecting me mentally and physically and I do not know what to do about it. its sometimes seems to want to drive me literally insane.
maybe if I can control it I might start seeing a way out. I am pretty analytical about this kind of stuff and have written down notes etc.. and I see no actual way out short of the business starting to make more money and the landlord not selling the place. but it appears to be doing worse not better and I lack the knowledge of experience to even recognize what I am or am not doing right or wrong.
WHAT can I do to deal with the mental and physical side effects of this stress.
any suggestions?
captLights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:06 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey,
Well, you're dealing with some very tough problems and they all hit you at the same time. You can't 'meditate' those away magically. You can't solve them all at once either, that would be just too much. What you can do is try to reframe your thinking. That would be a first step.
So, in life, to any given situation, you'll have three ways of responding. Remove yourself; that is walk away from the problem. Take action; do whatever it takes no matter how painful to make a change for the better. Accept; learn to understand that some things aren't just going to happen. It's about letting go of something you wanted or desired.
Often, people look at a problem and throw their hands in the air in defeat because there isn't an immediate solution. Sometimes, it takes time to get there and to find clarity. Also, we tend to ruminate about the worst-case scenario while there is zero indication that those will happen. Probable? Yes. Certainty? Never.
So, you're on Reddit and you're reaching out. Not something that must have been easy to do. That's huge. So, take some credit for doing that.
Well, there's 7 billion of us. Why would you assume nobody out there could help put you on the path to some solution? :-) If I pick your story apart, I see three things. The first is your own health. You're working on losing weight and your doing a terrific job. Keep going! This IS a positive thing in your life! The second is your family. You can't change who they are. You can ruminate about 'if only...' but that wouldn't help you much further, would it? This is one of those things were you have to learn the difference between what you can and can't change. The third is your money problems. This is something where you CAN make a change.
I'd refer you to /r/personalfinance for starters. There's a ton of people over there who might give you a few pointers on how to go from where you are now. You might also want to reach out to anyone you know. Don't beg them for money or immediate relief outright. Instead, ask them if they are willing to sit down, brainstorm and work together with you to find a reasonable solution. You'll need a 'buddy' (or several of them) who is (are) willing to accompany you as you deal with your debtors, who will check up on you and has your back as you go through paperwork and make arrangements. Could be a friend, but there are also local organisations and/or charities who might help you out.
Finally, give it time. Don't expect an answer in the next hour. If you can get let go of that expectation, then you're halfway there. You could think of it as a journey and you have to take it one step at a time. Don't get holed up in your own head while time and reality pass by!
See what just happened? You reached out, and someone gave you a bit of advice in hopes that it might help you a bit further. That's how this altruism thing works. Now it's up to you to keep going!
Stay strong! Best of luck!
nerys71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:44 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think my biggest stress problem is the lack of any sort of control.
ie "i can't do anything" the only thing that will fix these problems is money and that is the one single thing I can do nothing about.
normally you have a problem and you can do nothing do something positive or do something negative.
make it better make it worse keep it the same.
I lack the capacity to make this choice. my only options are make it worse or do nothing which will inevitably result in make it worse short of a huge fluke of luck.
I don't see anything I can do to "caused a positive outcome" like losing weight will for personal health.
I can't fix the home situation as that takes money. I can't fix the business as that takes money. I can't change jobs because I would default during the change (assuming I could even find better paying work and being required to run the business places a pretty heavy constraint on schedule conflicts ie I flat out can't work anywhere else tuesday through thursday.
the reality is I need to work the business full time to make it better but then I won't have have any income to pay the bills as the business can't pay me anything at all. plus most of the options to make changes requires..... money.
abandoning the business is not an option as even if I could somehow double my hours at my current job I could never make enough money to pay the mortgage. and I can't sell the house. its not worth enough to make the transition. maybe in a few years when the market improves and I fix what needs fixing but how do I survive until then?
I very much doubt this "balancing act" of just barely making enough will last. in fact I am not even sure how I will get through the coming winter as I will survive the next 6 months ONLY because I won't have a heating bill. I doubt I will have even $100 extra a month come December and I need $500 a month to heat this place and about $600 a month to heat the business.
I might have a grasp on heating the business. having everyone put aside $5 a shift for fuel so that I can fill the tank and keep it full come winter.
I know most of this does not mean much its just me venting and talking aloud so to speak. sorry for that.
I just wish I could see a path OUT no matter how rough.
I will never rent. I will die in my car before I rent. renting always 100% of the time costs more than owning. no exceptions. once you start renting unless you have career expansion potential you are trapped. for life. I am 41 years old with no degree and no future career expansion options in my foreseeable future. renting equals death. that simple.
if I can at least get my sister on SSI I might be able to get one of my fathers friends to guardian her since that would be enough money to cover survival for her in a worst case scenario outcome since if I lose the house she sure can't live in my car with me.
this would not be so bad if it was my fault and my debt. you reap what you sow so to speak. IE I would deserve it.
I put my whole life in my fathers hands that he would make it all right in the end and pay off all this debt I took on. and once I was in the hole so far their was no place to go but deeper. ie by the time I realized how big the hole was it was already too late to back out. all in or all lost. my plan was to live someplace cheap and enjoy my life as I don't have huge financial "needs" ie I am not expensive. I don't have expensive tastes etc..
really sucks hardcore.
LittleSkittles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:34 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm saving this for future everything.
Expert or not, you managed to explain a somewhat touchy subject very clearly and concisely. I've had people tell me that meditation will help with things, even explain it all the way through, and they always end up touting it as the cure to every ailment under the sun, which automatically turns me off actually meditating.
But this explanation? Now I'm determined to try, determined to master it, and determined to show both myself, and all those aforementioned others that it can be done right. So I would like to say thank you, because I haven't felt determination in a very long time.
MikeT75 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:19 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who has dealt with a long history of panic disorder - and can confidently say I have put it behind me - I would add a few things here:
Identify and conquer your greatest triggers. A trigger can be anything that causes an attack. For example, if you are burdened by financial stress, identify your problem: poor paying job, credit card debt, underwater or high rate mortgage. You CAN get a better job, consolidate your credit card debt and schedule repayments, or short-sell your house. If it is a lack of a romantic partner, find ways to better yourself so the real you comes and someone can actually get to know you for who you are. Stress of procrastination? Schedule time on a calendar to focus on whatever matters you procrastinate on the most, and tackle these responsibilities far in advance in short spurts to help you feel (and be) more accomplished at the time of your deadlines. Identifying what these triggers are is as important as addressing them.
Avoid Nicotine and Caffeine if panic attacks are a regular occurrence. These are the worst known triggers and directly relate to increased heart rate. Marijuana can help or hurt people with panic disorder; itself, a trigger if the stress of knowing that you are getting high and not dealing with your responsibilities, the weight of life on your shoulders. For those that it helps, I'd advise treading lightly that it may become a trigger at some point. Alcohol was never a problem for me, but I've read it included by many professionals as a possible trigger, too. I've been able to successfully re-incorporate drinking regular coffee into my daily routine and, while the caffeine noticeably increases my heart rate, it does not at all feel like I am going to die. (Quite the opposite, coffee is one of my great pleasures!)
For me, a trigger was the stress of all the things I needed/wanted to do, and always thinking about them but never doing them. Worse yet was the stress of knowing there were things I needed to do but wasn't doing because I know I had forgot them. These days, I use some apps like Evernote and MS Note to mind dump these things to a task list, prioritize them, and schedule time to accomplish them. I am also much more realistic with my time and the actual tasks I seek to accomplish: something that seems so important now can turn out to be relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of life, or, just a few months from now. You have to ask yourself if this "thing" is worth stressing out about.
Hope I helped someone!
FailClaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:37 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
too long and didn't read.
Hjort1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:22 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My head going bonkers and i can't keep up, What does that mean, do i have to try it to experience this, i mean i Will try it yeah, but can't at the moment, as im at work.
Is this the feeling that is meditation? But you Can only do it in 2 minutes as a beginner?
captLights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:15 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey,
Well, in our minds are never still. We always think, think, think. It's these thoughts that keep bubbling up, forming words, sentences, stories. About ourselves, about the world around us. About our job, home, spouse, you name it. Thoughts are like the bubbles in a glass of champagne, they're not there, then they are there, very small, then they rise and becoming bigger and bigger and bigger. Until they surface and pop.
We don't really control what comes bubbling up in our minds. But when something important arrives, we can't help ourselves but pour all our attention and energy into this thought. Doesn't matter if it is positive or negative. It's like every moment and everything you do gets centered around this thought.
That's how our brain works.
Let me show you. Okay. Here we go. Whatever you do. Do not think of an ice-bear!!... You notice what happens? Yup. You're thinking about an ice-bear. And the harder you try not to think about it, well, the more the ice-bear is going to stick into your mind. :-)
Meditation is about becoming quiet and noticing all these thoughts and feelings pass through you. But you don't engage with them. Like, you don't try to actively "avoid" thinking about them. It's more like: Here's the ice-bear thought passing through your mind, and you just notice this by going "Okay! That's an ice-bear!" and then you gently focus your attention back to your breathing. That's it. And as you do that, the ice-bear thought will pass by and fade back out again as it is replace by another thought. Thoughts are only permanent if you feed them constant attention.
In a real life situation, it could be that you have tons of todo's on your job but your energy level is low and you feel like you can't do another task anymore. So, when you meditate, you'll still have all the worries of your work passing through you mind, but you just notice them and you don't engage in them. You don't spend any energy to them. You don't go: "Oooh! I need to do X because otherwise my boss will scold me! And then I'll look bad! And what will my co-workers think of me then?" Nope. You just notice the thought of having a shit-ton of work, and then you shift your attention back to your breathing.
That's about it.
So, why would you want to practice that? Well, our minds have a limited capacity to process information. Just like the muscles in your arms can only do so many pull ups. You don't want to waste that energy on thoughts that are harmful or unproductive or negative. The idea is that you learn to become aware of what goes through you mind, to recognise that you don't have to engage - put focus on - with every thought you have, and to actively choose which thoughts you're going to work with.
Take politics for instance. It's important to have an opinion for sure. But there's a point where fretting, ruminating, negative thinking about the unfavourable outcome of an election isn't going to help you any further. On the contrary, the more energy you pour into yelling on social media that you don't like the winner, the more you sap your own happiness and contentment. Because while it may feel good for a little while to do that, you won't feel fulfilled in the long run. Becoming mindful is about taking a thought, maybe going with it for a little while like formulating an opinion, and then to let go of it again knowing that whatever it was you were thinking about, it probably wasn't very important or relevant in this present moment. You could keep pondering about the politics thing, but then you'd be distracted and you'd become unhappy because it doesn't yield you anything tangible. You can't change anything after all by merely thinking about it. :-)
When it comes to your work. It's about noticing all these thoughts, and take a back seat, and then to pick up on those thoughts and ideas that might actually be reasonable, realistic, executable, actionable. Like, making a todo list, talking to your boss about the workload and how to make it more manageable, focussing on a single task and doing that well instead of trying to do it all at the same time.
Meditation trains your brain muscle to not get caught up in all the unproductive or negative thinking. But to just let it be and pick out the stuff that actually is beneficially to you.
Hope it clarifies your question a bit.
Best of luck!
Hjort1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:18 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for such a nice answer, i hope i can get this feeling of being a "fly on the wall" just noticing my thoughts go through my mind, but not engage with them, it sounds amazing.
Can i use this, if i ever have like obsessional thinking or OCD?
Filmitforme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:50 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can come back and look at this before my next panic attack.
TheFinch101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:54:37 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend sent me this and I'm definitely going to try it - I have OCD and some of the thoughts I get are truly awful.
Thankyou for this!!
BaronBurger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:26 on June 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for sharing your advice and compassion! A little perspective goes a long way. <3
Love_each_other_GOB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:57 on July 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. You're good. I could have given you gold if I could. Hail r/bestof
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:46 on July 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
captLights ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:29:19 on July 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! Short answer because I am on mobile. I understand. It is not easy to let go of a dream. And yet, this is part of life too. Learning to accept that life has taken a different course. Acceptance does not mean you have to be okay with it. It means being okay with feeling sad, understanding that it is okay to feel sad over loss and to be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up! The worst thing you could do is deny how you feel, live in the past,... Give yourself a bit of time. Do not force yourself. Do stuff you enjoy doing and you feel fulfilling. Try out new stuff. Don't be easily discouraged if something does not work out the first time. Dota2 sounds like a hard game to master at pro level, maybe there are other games? Maybe there are other ways to be involved? Like reporting or coaching new players? Mindfulness gives you the power to take a step back, take stock and then move forward. Best of luck!
Obibirdkenobi ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 15:53:34 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of giving up, think of what you can do instead. There are always options. You just might not be able to see them right now.
First, you are suffering from depression. Get help. Your family doctor, or heck, the doc in the box at Patient First can prescribe antidepressants for you. Or just go to the nearest emergency room, because thinking about suicide is definitely an emergency. No one who is in good mental health seriously thinks of death as an option when there are other ways to go.
Try to talk to your parents. Believe it or not, they probably love you and will do anything for you if you're really that miserable. Talk to them about options. Let them know you're trying, but it's all just too much for you right now.
Get through the rest of the semester somehow, and remember that it's just school. No one is dying, your home isn't burning down, things could be so much worse. Find something to do this summer, any kind of job at all. It will keep you busy, because having nothing to do is depressing in itself.
Can't get a job? Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, help out at an animal shelter, start a garden in your back yard. Start some kind of project. Babysit. Petsit. Mow lawns. Decide to bicycle cross country. Daydream, let your mind wander through the possibilities. The whole world is wide open for you.
And even if you flunk out of school, can't get a job, and have your parents breathing down your neck, well, sometimes life can suck. But trust me, hang in there. Eventually things will always, always improve.
Obibirdkenobi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:59:14 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My baby brother committed suicide six weeks ago. We don't know, and may never know why. If you care even the smallest bit about any of the people in your life, don't do this to them. I can tell you from experience that it's awful to have someone you love commit suicide.
VanSpy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:43:56 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quick question - are your headaches regular, or do they tend to flare up when you do physical activity or get stressed?
I ask because I had similar symptoms, and it turned out to be a fixable thing.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor. I'm just some guy on the internet
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:03 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are kinda weird. I get them when I feel shitty, I blame my excessive use of electronics for my shitty feeling and headaches :/
E also blame my bad posture sometimss
VanSpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:11 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't sound like what I had, but I also get headaches when stressed. I find that taking a few deep breaths and calming myself down helps. Basically taking five minutes for a quick "mini-meditation" session.
As far as the electronics thing goes, find a spot at least 30 feet (10 metres) away from you. Focus on that spot for about a minute per 30 minutes of screen time (or just every now and then). This helps to reduce eye strain. You might also consider getting your eyes checked, in case you need glasses.
DISCLAIMER: I am not an optometrist either.
bvnbun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:32:14 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey, i have a friend who gets bad headaches whenever he gets stressed, what worked for you?
VanSpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:38 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Getting surgery :P
I had something called a Chiari Malformation. Tough to diagnose, causes all kinds of issues.
bvnbun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:46:12 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh i see, that sucks but i hope you're doing better now!! :>
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:22 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello i get headaches after I run sometimes, i thought it was just trivial? I also get other minor symptoms but i havent seen a doctor about anything yet
VanSpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:13 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See above:
If you're concerned, see a doctor. I don't think I could diagnose you over Reddit even if I was qualified :P
FrancisPants ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:51:42 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is like telling someone with a panic attack to calm down. Do you think they aren't hyper aware of how tight their chest feels and how hard it is to breath? Their thoughts already racing too fast to focus on? When confused and disorientated just stop and find a place to relax... if it was that easy. Meditate through anxiety...you have to be fucking kidding right? I can meditate very easily I also had panic disorder for a couple of years and it wouldn't do fuck all for 20 panic attacks a day. This is more of a cute tip for everyday stress than a remedy for actual anxiety. It is demeaning and pisses me off that this is a thing.
raging_fire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:40 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was a great read, thank you for taking the time to write it.
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:56 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You enjoyed my rampling >:D
haha, thank you
luasaurus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:01:31 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to office hours and if you don't have specific topics you're not getting, go over what you missed on previous exams. It'll help clear up some things for you and give you a place to start from with studying if you have an idea of what you got wrong in the moment vs didn't understand. It'll also show your professor that you care about trying to do well, but you are having trouble getting there. That can make a big difference if you're borderline on a grade.
cowtung ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:32:31 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had chronic headaches which mostly stopped when I got a standing desk at work and stopped eating stuff with added sugar. If I manage to get 7 hours of sleep, I feel even better.
The standing desk thing is counter intuitive, but I think sitting screws with my back in a way that creates tension all the way up to my skull. How many hours a day do you sit? Sitting kills you anyway, so even if it doesn't cure the headaches, it's good for you.
zorikii ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:30:25 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moved to the beach, started a company, it failed, now living with my in laws in a trailer park. In laws are all very neurotic. Been here almost a year. Last month, I had my first ever mental breakdown. Fear and anger are so hard to cope with. For me anyway. In general, I try to be a positive person. Acknowledging the negative thoughts is scary. But it's somethig I've never really thought about in the way a lot of people on this thread are describing. Thank you all. So much good information here.
Thoughts are just thoughts. They aren't reality. Laughter, ambient sounds, hugs... those are what's real. I don't sleep well these days, and I have a lot of nightmares, which wake me up from what sleep I have. I shakingly believe I will get past this. I just need to get my fam into a place of our own again. I think the guilt is messing with my head more than anything. Gotta learn to balance guilt with the consequences of my actions and take accountability of my actions.
I have a history of mental illness in my family and that scares me. Lots of suicides, lots of 'I'm gonna kill you' but no one has actually done that. But it scares me to think that i could fall off the deep end like some of my family members. Meditation is hard because i dwell on things like that. But I think that goes back to the OP: acknowledge the thoughts for what they are, then focus on something else, something that makes you feel happy. Thanks to anyone that read this rant.
Kitsune_Gakuin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:59 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucked around my last few years of high school and dropped out before graduating. My dad had just died and all I wanted to do was get high and drunk and forget about the world. It took me a couple of years to straighten things out, but I ended up going to college, and I'll be celebrating my 10 year anniversary at a great job next year.
No matter how overwhelming things seem now, and how hopeless you feel, just remember that it won't be like this forever. All you can do is keep doing your best, and most importantly, want to be the best person you can be and live the life you want to live. It's not going to come all at once, and it won't always be easy, just don't give up because you feel like there's nothing you can do anymore.
Stick with your studies, listen to your parents (they probably know what they're talking about and just want you to succeed) and don't give up. Ever.
relevant_tangent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:28 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In addition to what everyone else tells you, make sure you have a good sleep schedule. You didn't say anything to indicate that you might not, other than you're a student and you get headaches. But chronic sleep deprivation can cause you to feel messed up in all kinds of weird ways that you might not necessarily realize are related. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_deprivation
If you're a teenager, it's especially important, as your sleeping patterns change. https://sleepfoundation.org/sleep-topics/teens-and-sleep.
st_shpongled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:41 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome
plastictastes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:10 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i feel the same way about summer, i isolate myself to the point that the thought of going outside to the grocery store with my mom terrifies me. that's why this summer i'm planning on getting a job (or at least trying) so i can stay socialized and won't have to deal with bad anxiety next school year. maybe that could help you too
nigrodemus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:19 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MINDFULNESS
Jnbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:51 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its ok to fuck up. The worst thing you can do is dwell on it and let it ruin your life. Time stood still for me for 5 years cause I let it happen. Keep on moving forward and you'll get out of it.
notwithoutmybanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:33 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late but does it count if youve had a couple beers? I can do this meditation but it's easier with a couple beers but knowing that I feel it takes away from it.
OhioMegi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:34 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to your teachers and ask about help/extra credit/etc. Next time, don't let it get to the end of class before you get help. I got a lot of help from many of my teachers because I showed them I wanted to do better.
As for headaches, try finding out what triggers them. Not enough sleep, certain foods, smoke, stress, etc. I ended up having terrible migraines but I only get them 3-6 times a year anymore. Once I got that sorted, I felt so much better about a lot of things.
therealkyleyates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:46 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Been there brother. Number one i wanna say fuck your parents, they don't get it. They don't realize how much pressure they've already put on you plus what yelling at you about fucking bullshit does to your psyche. But that's my biased opinion solely based on my own experiences. Number two, this too shall pass. Just like last year, and the year before that because at the end of the day you'll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done. After grinding your face for long enough you'll realize how to pull your face off that dangerous spinning rock and think, "wait, i get it now". What I'm trying to say is you'll figure it out, just gotta keep swimming.
this_immortal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:54 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is English your second language?
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:57 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup
canonetell66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:20 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Top notch!
scarface80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:08 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get to no cellphones and i cant read the rest as i have switched it off.
bessalexis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:38 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
neuropathica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:36 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
School exams? Are they really that important to your life? You can take the course again, or you can study something else or screw school altogether and work in construction or the food industry. Life happiness does not depend on good grades. I speak from experience -- all my academic achievements never brought me much happiness or even career security.
Anxiety is tough. I started panic attacks at 13 years old. I still get 2-3 a week, not to mention I obsess over things hardcore. The thing with anxiety is that it's a product of the worldview we're taught and the culture we live in. Try exploring some Eastern philosophy. Read Jack Kornfield. Try insight meditation out. Mindfulness is powerful but you need to put in the effort.
I dislike Summers too. Not for the same reason as you though I can picture what you mean. Boredom sucks but it doesn't have to be. I developed so many interests and hobbies that I can't tend to them all, and do I tell myself I'll never have an excuse to feel bored. Do step out of your rut and find some interests, a lot of them. Be an artist, a poet, a chef, spin clay, read history, read detective stories, watch old tv shows, nerd out on something. Get your hands and body moving and the mind will be quieter.
If you feel suicidal, well let me tell you that it's natural. According to Albert Camus the only true existential question is whether one should or should not kill oneself. And really, a realistic appraisal of life is slavery, addiction, illness, loneliness, and a bunch of nihilistic things. The reason I don't check out is because of one thing... I have consciousness. I can experience things. I can think and notice my thinking. Even if reality is hell, it's better than nothing.
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:04 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exams ain't my main source for anxiety.
First source:Family
Second source: some social anxiety
Exams are just an extra to my already existing anxiety
ridethegravytrainn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:06 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting to remind myself
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:38 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went through this myself in college. Worst mistake I ever did was I kept going to school and didn't take a break. Should have really just filed an LOA, maybe work a job for a couple of months, figure out what I really want out of life, and then come back motivated and refreshed.
pantaliox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:33 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tank you so much that meant everything to me
๐๏ธ PM_ME-YourFans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:37 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im a little confused. Are you thanking me for my rant ?