๐๏ธ kodezen ยท 1000 points ยท Posted at 14:41:56 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)*
For the majority of my life I made one really big mistake: I under-valued the precious nature of the time I've been given to live here on earth, and over-valued the short term gratification that comes from digital pleasure.
My entire middle school life was spent playing World Of Warcraft. I easily put in over 100 logged days of play time.
High school was Call of Duty and the start of social media sites. College was heavy social media use. Easily another 100 days.
You might be surprised at the numbers, but the frightening thing is that it's far easier to hit these numbers than you might think. Chances are you're hitting them right now without even realizing it.
Looking at your phone for just one hour a day adds up to 22 waking days a year. 22 straight days of just... nothing.
At the end you have nothing to show for it, in the same way that I have nothing to show for all of the hours I invested into gaming and social media.
One thing almost all of us continually forget is that our time is not free. There is an opportunity cost associated with every decision we make, with every hour that we spend.
When we typically think of FOMO (fear of missing out) we think of missing out on the social media updates of the people we follow, cool stuff posted to the front page, new exciting tech announcements, and events happening around the world.
I think this entirely backwards. In the grand scheme of things none of this stuff, when taking into account a finite lifespan, matters nearly as much as we like to think it does.
I would bet my life savings that no one has ever uttered the words "I regret not spending more time scrolling through my feed" while on their deathbed.
The real FOMO, the real thing we should be afraid of, is making choices every day that lead to us missing out on what our lives could have been like.
When we choose to spend an hour on social media or some other kind of mindless distraction, there's always an associated opportunity cost, a missed opportunity that hour could have been invested in.
22 waking days a year could be invested in building a beautiful body you're proud of. It could be invested in learning to play a new instrument. It could be invested in advancing your career and landing your dream job. It could be invested in learning a new skill like painting or programming. It could be invested in making real life friends and building a social circle. It could be invested in reading and bettering your mind. The list goes on and on.
Scrolling through feeds is not free. It comes at the expense of the best version of you.
My sincere hope is that this post will help at least one person reading to "get it." To understand in their core that their life is finite. That they only have so much time here on this planet before it's their time to go.
It was a realization that hit me like a ton of bricks, and it's made me start thinking deeply about the remaining time I have left here, and what I want to do with it.
I want to grow, to transcend myself. I want to get better every single day, in my craft and in my character. I want to help others: to end suffering and spread love in as many places as I can. I want connection with the people I love, and to be a positive impact on their life that raises them up.
And I believe deep down there's a part of you that longs for these things too.
It might be nothing but a faint whisper, drowned out by the temptations to waste an entire Sunday chasing pleasure.
But I can promise you that that part of you has your best interests at heart.
Listening to that voice leads to a life of purpose. It leads to a life of deep fulfillment. It leads to a life of beauty.
The other voice? The one that throws a temper tantrum whenever you've been without short term gratification and pleasure for an hour? The one that causes you to miss out on all of the growth and magic in your life?
It leads to nothing good.
You can continue on and change nothing after reading this. You can scroll away byte by byte until your mind is numb and your neck is sore. As a human being you are free to make that choice.
But just know that there will come a time when you will look back on your life wondering where it all went. You will wonder "what could have been" if you used your time differently.
You will regret. A lot.
Thank you for reading my thoughts, and I hope you do everything you can, with the time you have left, to make your life into the masterpiece it has the potential to be.
AbsoluteNinja ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 15:56:59 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for writing this. One of the best post I have ever read.
Bdi89 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:46:52 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Should be a stickied post IMO!
๐๏ธ kodezen ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 15:03:51 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)*
Just a tiny heads up: I like to use waking days, dividing by 16 instead of 24, for time calculations since I believe its a more accurate representation of day-to-day life (16 hours awake, 8 hours asleep).
Bdi89 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:48:14 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I'm lucky to get 6 hours TBH (Have a few sleep disorders), but you're definitely right about it not being 22 days awake straight.
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 17:11:22 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
alinagolden ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:20:20 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Same man. Itโs such a fucking difficult habit to break. Iโd say it borders on addiction. And itโs true. I have to check my phone between everything Iโm doing itโs so DUMB
yazalama ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:50:56 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
(stealing this from a different post) what helps a lot is not viewing addiction as some external threat, but viewing it like any other habit. Its just a repeated function that your brain adjusts to. It can be learned or unlearned. Addiction (or better yet, bad habits) are completely under your control. I think you would really benefit from this post about the behavior and psychology of "addiction"
https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/awnqwj/wanna_know_why_people_fail_in_quitting_pmo/?st=jst9t475&sh=c82b2ffd
alinagolden ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:56:23 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Wow thanks, this has helped my perception a lil bit :)
ZiggyZig1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:02 on June 5, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thx man, I just read it. To be honest I didn't actually 'get' it. Wasn't even clear to me if they were saying to actually fix what's holding you back (the habit in question) or just consider yourself a success just the way you are?
mbrochh ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:28:35 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Browsing social media has killed your ability to concentrate. You need to train your brain to regain that ability.
alinagolden ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 17:19:34 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I had about 5 hours of screentime daily. Iโm working on reducing that number. Iโm down to about 3hr 50mins. I know, still horrible. But Iโm trying.
I spend some time playing video games too. But at least THAT is an actual hobby, one I actually enjoy and use to wind down before/after work. Instagram and reddit do nothing for me. I catch myself picking up my phone and just mindlessly scrolling and Iโm like.. dude wtf are you doing???
GetBenttt ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:13:01 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah unwinding is absolutely normal to do. There's scientific studies showing our willpower is a finite resource, so after a long day of work of dealing with people or bosses and bullshit, you feeling "drained" is an actual thing. I think for long term happiness, blowing some hours on Xbox or having a beer and watching TV does better for you then those who advocate constantly "Getting it", cause there's only so much you can "Get it" before you need a break
alinagolden ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:55:54 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I feel drained almost every day even after socialising but I think thatโs a whole other story. Yeah people who are always going on about non-stop grinding need to shut up
Bdi89 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:01:33 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
There is definitely a lot of research to demonstrate the finiteness of willpower (which is impacted by so many factors), and a lot of this talk of endless grind is a byproduct of our cultural obsession with productivity. I work an extremely challenging and emotionally demanding job as a social worker, and to fill my evenings and nights with cognitively and emotionally challenging tasks (as I admittedly had been until recently out of guilt) is unrealistic.
I think a lot of people on this sub tend to feel guilty when they haven't replaced their mindless downtime on social media for downtime with a completely productive alternative. Throw feelings of perfectionism in the mix and it can be really harmful. With me, I've had to pare back from desperately trying to learn all this music theory stuff for my instrument, with just jamming for now.
Bdi89 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:51:22 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I find great enjoyment in video games TBH, I play a lot of puzzle and strategy co-op games with my partner and have some friends I recently moved interstate from I play co-op with and we hang out via Discord. I don't have the time or energy for the vitriolic shitstorm that is most competitive games these days. Social media in comparison I get no sense of social support or even contact from, unless it's a direct private message. Throwaway comments on a post somewhere aren't socialising, IMO.
I've also recently started tabletop gaming, and that is a hell of a lot of fun, almost more than vidya IMO. You're in a room full of people cooperating, reading tomes, using theatre of the mind - it's like immersive participatory video gaming!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:51:12 on March 6, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
4 hours is good IMO. This is coming from someone who spends at least 9-10 hours a day online. I'm not kidding. It's led to severe anxiety and social isolation. I moved three years ago and haven't made a single friend here. I have a problem.
alinagolden ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:09:15 on March 7, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
In total when you combine phone time, nintendo switch time, and laptop time, I probably average 10 hours daily as well. I donโt really care about the video games and netflix shows because i ENJOY them, but the time I spend on my phone is imo such a waste
Unknow0059 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 17:39:51 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
How do you deattach yourself from social media? I'm addicted to youtube and spend hours of my day in it. But imaging not using it at all makes me feel like i'd have nothing pleasurable to look forward to in my days.
MightyNerdyCrafty ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:45:09 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Install little stop-and-switches, after every 10 mins or 'minor plot point resolved'. Do one 'improves your life' task each cycle, no matter how small.
Most importantly, feel proud of it - and physically strut, cheer, or practice your victory dance - you never know when you might need it!
Try for an at least 1:1 ratio between useful work and youtubery. At first. ;)
If you have laundry on, try to complete another, bigger or more taxing task before it completes!
You could even do what I do and use YT as something to listen to during household chores.
It takes a big ole shift in mindset, at first, but once you're past that, and able to bring your mind back to the 'do useful things, entertainment is an adjunct' focus, as many times as it takes, the association takes care of itself, and the monotask of youtubery alone just doesn't satisfy any more!
Bdi89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:32 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Piggybacking on this, with the stop and switch, I recommend the Pomodoro technique - 25 min on, 5 off for a few cycles, then a longer break.
There's heaps of apps - i use TomatoTimer.com to keep track and once I've done two cycles on Facebook, I'm off desktop FB.
Hankerton14 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:01:46 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
You should cross post this on r/selfimprovement They would appreciate this there. Great post
0066617752331 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:44:35 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Although it sounds right, I often have willpower not to surf, but I rarely have willpower to do something productive instead.
CakeDay--Bot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:41:06 on March 5, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
YOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It's your 2nd Cakeday 0066617752331! hug
Incipient25 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:43:13 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
This was a great post and very eye opening.
Weโve been conditioned to crave short term pleasure through all the distractions around us, one of the primary ones for me being porn. Iโve been trying to cut it out of my life and live a more fulfilled life with genuine interaction with the people around me. It takes time, because our brains are wired up to anticipate that overwhelming reward that we can easily get now, but thereโs no real sense of fulfillment.
The first step is being conscious about it, and then taking baby steps towards changing those habits. Recognize the cues that lead you to a certain behavior and try to minimize those. You will inevitably fall, but you have to keep getting up and trying. Because as you said, our time here is limited and if weโre not spending it improving ourselves then weโre throwing it away.
NeonGrillz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:17:55 on March 6, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Man, porn is such a bullshit addiction and I can't seem to kick it. I've taken it down to twice a month but I still get the cravings once in a while. It used to be multiple times a day a few years back...
Incipient25 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:43:01 on March 6, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs all about keeping at it and recognizing that even if you do relapse to get back up and try again. It sucky that society normalizes porn though, and over sexualizes everything.
Koliwaber ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 15:58:58 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
My time doesn't always have to be productive. Maybe I just wanna unwind and relax. Constantly stressing yourself isn't good in the long run, either. Your time in WoW wasn't "wasted". You enjoyed it, and you probably made a few friends. If that was your goal, that's great.
The real problem about all those "time-wasters" is not that you shouldn't be doing them, but that you should be doing them consciously. It's okay to relax and just do whatever, but make sure that you actually have the time for that. Make sure your goals align with how you spend your time.
It's really more about time-managment than about doing less of this or more of that.
๐๏ธ kodezen ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:37:32 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. I totally agree with your point that relaxation is important. Some of my favorite ways to relax throughout the week are watching a movie, yoga, reading or meditation.
I do respectfully disagree about my WoW/social media time being wasted though. My brain used "if you're enjoying it it's not a waste" as a rationalization for years, which kept me sinking thousands of hours into these games and sites. Now I'm not so sure enjoyment in the moment is the best metric by which to gauge whether time is well spent.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's a very useful metric. But it's incomplete. Using pure pleasure/enjoyment alone can be misguiding. Some things that are hard, and not enjoyable in the moment are incredibly rewarding and worth it in the end. Some things that are pleasurable and enjoyable in the moment, leave you wishing you had used the time differently later on down the road.
I agree with you on your goals/time and think that rather than enjoyment, a better metric to gauge by is whether the activity falls in line with your goals, values, and philosophy on life. If I could go back in time and had a second chance, I would take those thousands of hours and invest them in reading or programming in a heart beat.
Those things were always important to me to some degree, but they're not exactly easy activities. They require effort, dedication, and they don't have those instant gratification qualities that gaming and social media had for me.
It was easy to stay exactly how I was, using enjoyment as a justification to continue partaking in those activities. Because I deemed it was okay and not a waste of time, I never had to ask myself those deeper questions and apply better metrics of judgement. I never thought about whether this was actually a good use of time, given that I only have so long to live and had so many unfilled goals I was not working towards at the time.
Koliwaber ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:49:23 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for answering so extensively! I see where you are coming from. Since I've been fairly unproductive recently, I might've fallen for the same rationalization trap as you.
However, while reading a book or meditating are pretty relaxing, they do still kinda demand willpower to do over, for example, playing something, so I wouldn't put them in the same category.
That being said, you did remind me to start using my time more deliberately again, so thanks a lot! I hope you have a nice day!
merionization ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:50:57 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I just wanted to add that I still don't think what you said is incorrect. If you're disciplined and know when you can allow yourself to play (time management like you said), why not? For example I play games 1 or 2h every 2 days to relax and hang out with friends that live in different countries because that's the free time I have and that's how I chose to relax instead of watching tv, napping or whatever else It would be another story and rationalization if you played for 5 hours a day and kept saying "nah it's ok because I enjoy it" which is what I think op was doing. There's a big difference between the two.
Bdi89 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:09:39 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you added this, not just as a rationale but to demonstrate that even with this history and lucidity you're a human too and recognise a need for both downtime and balance. My fear with this sub is that people often want to replace all their free time with one hundred percent goal-driven activity, which is asking for burnout.
Like you I budget a couple of hours per day for gaming and it's what I need after a long day at my stressful job (social worker) before I hit the gym or play bass.
Never_Ever_Commentz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:31:27 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I get what you're saying OP, but I have to say that I feel you're trading the "fear of missing out" for the fear of death. Basing every moment of your life on what you might think towards the end of your life is mismanagement.
While it is important to plan for your future and act accordingly, you also need to take care of today as well. Some days you could have energy enough to pour into activities that grow yourself, and those days are much more often than most people think they are capable of, but there are also days where rewarding hard work with some pleasurable activities isn't a bad idea.
I'm sorry you have regrets with how you spent your time in the past. But coming from someone who is simotaneously reaching real personal goals while playing video games during some of my down time... Don't blame specific activities for your lack of accomplishment.
dekayzerart ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:54:02 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
This means so much for me. I really needed this wake up call. I wish you the best!
trivirgata ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:55:45 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. 22 days? I would kill for a 22 day vacation away from everything.
I wonder, do you count scrolling through Reddit? The obvious answer to me is yes because it's screen time, and I definitely do it too much, but I really feel like I've learned a lot from the communities here.
909o ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:03 on May 19, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so for Reddit Iโm sure it depends. Like if I browse /r/nosurf for like 20 mins a day I think thatโs ideal. But browsing useless subreddits like politics, world news, funny, pics, this is where things go wrong. I spend so much time mindlessly scrolling the feed even though Iโm not enjoying it
Reddit is just like every other social media with an exception... itโs anonymous. But it has the same effects on the reward pathways in our brain. Itโs terrible. And honestly Iโd like to cut away from Reddit but Iโm just hooked on it
Choose_fun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:47:40 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks man. I can feel the truth of this in my gut reading it.
Bdi89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:52 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Always trust your intuition!
liwanam ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:19:16 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Amen
mastertape ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:26:47 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for the write-up. Best thing I've ever read in reddit!
sad_mogul97 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:00 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
no matter how many posts i read like this, I still do the same shit. Thanks for taking your time for posting this though.
Bdi89 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:40:54 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)*
> At the end you have nothing to show for it, in the same way that I have nothing to show for all of the hours I invested into gaming and social media.
While I really don't like the term 'to show for' (for me it implies everything we do must be performative or on display, but we are just waxing semantics here), I agree with time in terms of investment.
So true. 22 days per year is 24 x 22 = 528hr. Whilst the empirical merit of the original study has been debated, there was pioneering research to suggest elite-level mastery (professional musicianship, elite athleticism, being an expert in your occupational field) involves around 10,000 hours of time. I'll bet my bottom dollar most of us are spending two hours at least most days unless we've controlled it to a lower amount using apps. This means 10-20 years of practice and mastery to an ideal goal or skill lost.
Your time spent on WoW rings out about a quarter of that already. I'd be scared shitless to even find out what my Steam library totals - and I'm sure my time spent on social media mirrors or is greater than that of gaming. At least with gaming, you're sort of engaging with cognitive processes above and beyond mindless scrolling depending on what you're playing.
I have been complaining to myself about time-poorness for things like practicing bass an hour per day, and going to the gym daily during weekdays. 14-odd hours per week...half that time I can immediately make up right now by cutting out that hour-plus of social media per day!
Great post, very well elucidated - if you had a blog I'd read that instead of social media. :P
EDIT: Petition to have this stickied!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:39:44 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
been scrolling through reddit for 2 hours me: shit
_Typhus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:38 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Great post. Hit me in the feels as I know i keep procrastinating instead of learning to code.
heronalps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:46 on March 3, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for writing it up. Free time is not free...
_theMAUCHO_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:12 on March 4, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I am only commenting to remind myself of this post. Your advice has touched me deeply. Time to go live. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. โค
nervousyounghumans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:02 on March 20, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks a lot for posting this! Very insightful and great words to remember when we get stuck in that trap of procrastination and mindless browsing. Years ago it was also the realisation of how short life is that forced me to start curbing my internet addiction, and it's still something I make myself remember when I feel the urge to go back to my past ways.
mehultheball ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:53:53 on July 31, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
This is funny and startling at the same time. Very well written post, thanks a lot!
allindisguise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:07 on March 8, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful insight. Thanks for sharing!
RomeTotalWar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:38 on April 26, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
I agree, but if you utilize your social media usage in productive ways (I just learned what FBA is on /r/entrepreneur) then I feel like you actually learn things. Same thing in Facebook too. I'm in a bunch of groups full of people who can answer questions I have about different things I'm learning.
harryandmorty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:54 on May 9, 2019 ยท (Permalink)
best