๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 277 points ยท Posted at 04:06:35 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for the wall of text :|
Backstory: I work at a pizza restaurant in a small Louisiana town. I serve tables, but we're hardly ever busy. We make our money from to-go orders. I don't make a lot of money, but it puts some coin in my pocket. It's a very chill job. We have about 22 tables in the whole place and it's rare that we have 3 full tables at a time. So if you come and eat, odds are favorable you and your group will be the only people there.
Enter these group of college kids. There's 3 girls, 3 guys, and a manchild I'm going to call Customer Carl (CC for short). So 7 in all.
I'm going to name the girls Jess, Jenn, and Jill. I know Jess personally.
I'm going to name the other guys Bob, Bill, and Brian.
I've waited on Jess, Jenn, Jill, Bob, and Bill plenty times before. Brian and CC are new for me. This is the first time I've had them all at once.
So begins our main story...
I sit them in my section and comment how this is the first time I've waited on them all at once and didn't even know they were friends.
JESS: We go to the same church! We're going as a group to go see the Hunger Games premier.
JENN: Yeah, this is my boyfriend Brian and his older cousin CC.
ME: Hey, nice to meet you. Your girlfriend is probably the cleanest customer I've ever had. Never leaves a spot on the table cough unlike Jill cough.
JILL: Oh shut the fuck up!
CC: It's pretty rude to talk about a paying customer like that. But of course...
ME: It's cool, man. I know Jess, and Jill and Jenn come in all the time.
CC: Yeah, it's cool man...
I just roll my eyes and start taking drink orders.
Jess orders a Bud Light
Jenn orders a Bud Light
Jill orders a Bud Light
Bob, Bill, and Brian order a, you guessed it, a Bud Light.
I ask CC
ME: Let me guess... Bud Light?
CC: [gives me a death glare] Do I really look like the light beer type? I'm too much of an intellect to drink such shit. I'll have a Sam Adams Octoberfest.
Soon as he says this, I smile on the inside because I know I'll finally have a story to post on here. And I was right...
When I ask if the guys if they're excited about seeing the Hunger Games they all give me the "I'm only seeing it because of the girls." Not CC.
CC: I'm not going. I'm too much of an intellect to see that. I'm just here for the pizza and beer.
I ask Brian and Jenn how long they've been dating. They say 2 months at the same exact time. CC chimes in.
CC: Yeah, I saw Jenn on Facebook before they started dating and she wouldn't even message me back when she found out how smart I am.
I just do a little fake laugh and I notice Jess trying to get my attention. When she does she points to her phone, meaning she shot me a text.
I'm so sorry about CC. Brian insisted that he come. He's been sour the whole ride up here because he tried to kiss Jill's hand when she showed up and she yanked it away and it embarrassed him.
her followup text
He doesn't even go to our church. He said science and logic were his God.
At this point I'm kinda pissed because it's becoming less of a /r/neckbeardstories story and more of a /r/thatHappened story. I swear to you, this is all true.
At this point CC is being a real asshole. He's saying he already looked up the spoilers to the Hunger Games movie and gonna ruin it because they've should've read the books. He made fun of Jill because "She was the only one who didn't need a to-go box." (because she made a happy plate) He was saying that he should go to their church one day to debate people and make change in the collection plate. And what pissed me off the most... The mother fucker purposely poured cheese all over his section of the fucking table and said "Now I guess Jill is no longer the sloppiest."
Ok, motherfucker...
I go to the back to get them their change
NOTE: CC's change to me was $3.14 and wrote the symbol of Pi. He was very proud of this. I know because he even took a picture of it.
Anyways, as I'm getting them their change. I text Jess... "Fuck that dude. Tell Jill I'm gonna kiss her hand goodbye."
It's time for them to to go and Jill has the biggest shit eating grin on her face. I took it as she was down for this plan. And she was. I hug Jess and Jenn bye and that's when I make my move... I kiss Jill's hand goodbye and then she pulls me in for a gigantic hug and plants a huge kiss on my cheek. That's when it happened...
CC: Ok, I see how it is! You'll let the "server" who insulted your eating habits kiss your hand? Fuck you! Then he tosses his to-go box against the wall and storms out.
Thankfully the leftovers stayed in the box and not all over the place.
Brian apologized for the actions of his cousin, Bob was upset because he would've loved to have gotten that on snapchat, Bill was drunk and laughing, and Jess, Jenn, and Jill all had a look of victory on their face.
The end.
P.S.
CC, I hope to GOD you're on Reddit, you piece of shit. And I hope you're reading this story about you. I just want you to know, Jill has the softest lips AND I got her number. FUCK YOU!
AngryDM ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 05:13:21 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This was an amazing story.
I've seen people like this, and because of that, I believe you.
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 05:47:36 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I hope he comes back to eat and I hope I'm his server.
AngryDM ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 05:55:06 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
There's probably a reason so many neckbeards on reddit are so anti-tipping.
Mind you, I'd like it if servers were paid a living wage so tipping was unnecessary, but I mean the Captains of Industry that want to feel righteous screwing the servers as they are now.
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 06:07:45 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to be paid a living wage, but really I knew coming into this job that I wouldn't be getting paid dick. It's cool though. I've got plenty of money saved to pay for my schooling and housing. This job is just to pay the cell phone bill, auto insurance, and to take "Jill" out Saturday.
BellRd ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:33:45 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You should cross post this on nice guys...and if you want CC to see it, cross post to atheism too. :D
Mr_Arrogant ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 10:33:59 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all neckbeards did was tip? Why else would they wear fedoras?
AngryDM ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:36:29 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well played, but to clarify just in case, I mean giving restaurant servers additional money, also called a "gratuity", because they are underpaid by current wages.
Mr_Arrogant ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:48:04 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's cool I got it, being from the UK where tipping isn't really a thing, it's the first thing I thought of and was way too hard to resist the obvious pun. (I didn't know about the underpaid thing though, that's pretty bullshit)
AngryDM ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:19:21 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Most tipping jobs are allowed to be paid below minimum wage. :(
BaadKitteh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:21:28 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's perfectly legal to pay servers as little as $2.13 an hour in the US; I've never been even well-off, but even I know I need to tip if I go sit down and receive service at a restaurant. If I can't afford that, I hit a drive-thru. People who feel entitled to people's personal attention for free, knowing how little they make, really piss me off.
Klondike3 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:01:30 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, they're pro-tipping alright.
tips fedora
NavalNightAuditor ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 10:09:56 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Chad AF, glorious! Haha.
NotSoAccurateNo1 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:42:33 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"he already looked up the spoilers to the Hunger Games movie and gonna ruin it"... My ex used to do this shit all the time. She wanted to watch Niptuck among other shows and we're about 1 season and a half in (the show is finally growing on me, I hated it) and she starts reading off this huge list that spoils everything in the next three seasons, like why the fuck would I want to watch this with you anymore? That bitch :'(
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:53:00 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A) Why would anyone spoil any movie, book, or show for themselves? Are they that big of a douche that they just have to know the whole plot before everyone else? My cousin did this when we saw Interstellar AND the Martian. Everyone is lost in the movie and this fucker just has to let us know "I just looked it up. I know what happens. I was right all along."
B) Why hold it above people's head as a threat? Nana nana boo boo! I know what happens! Want me to spoil it for you, because I will!
C) AHHHHH!!!! FUCK THESE PEOPLE!!!!
AngryDM ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:56:29 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
For assholes, knowing the "twist" of the movie is the only thing that tickles them, is the only worthwhile thing. They drive movies into the ground with tacky plot twist expectations. "This movie sucked, I could predict the ending".
internetmexican ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:03:32 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
......I do this.....Not knowing if everything will be ok makes me anxious.i dont spoil it for others though
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:07:32 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But... Spoiling it takes away from the adventure.
internetmexican ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:25:04 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not always
lannvouivre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:51:00 on March 15, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You may know how it ends, but you don't know how the characters get there.
If I know I won't ever get to watch something, I end up reading the plot synopsis just so I can keep up with references. I mean, I could stream movies, but my connection is really horrible.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 10:09:59 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You know he went home and wrote a lengthy FB post about how "women nowadays don't respect chivalry" and "they just want to be treated like dirt".
GIJoey85 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:04:56 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't chivalry like a set of rules for medieval combat?
FuckYourPoachedEggs ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:18:40 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Somewhat. More like a code of conduct for knights/ knight-errants. However it pretty much only applied to the upper class. So a knight had to be respectful to a lady, but could rape and murder peasant women as much as they wanted.
throwaway88008 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:25:39 on November 23, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
tips
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:21 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it's more of a set of rules and guidelines for Knights (and all noble people, really).
MetaBotch ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 14:16:50 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's also a myth.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:07:11 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck with Jill, you're a champion
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:14:14 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! We're going out Saturday. Pretty pumped!
Renal_Toothpaste ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:11:09 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, the whole time I thought you were a girl. Great story though!
Darth_Bothersome ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:42 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What, OP can't be gay?
Renal_Toothpaste ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:32:50 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I assumed that as well. More likely chance they aren't.
Lolchocobo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:40:18 on November 21, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Carl would probably have m'ladyed OP it that were the case.
ptitty12392 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:42:17 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As soon as my jimmies began to rustle, they were instantly soothed. This is great beyond words
Lord-Ragnarock ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:41:05 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've known myself to accidentally take shit literally, but this guy's sarcasmeter is just broken. Yeesh :P
I_be_who_I_be ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:09:31 on November 21, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Take your damn karma and hand me another
D4rk_N1nj4 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:24:05 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, Oktoberfest is pretty damn good, but don't be a dick about it. Good story, OP, and good luck with Jill. And if you serve him again, should definitely give him the old Yelper special. xD
tusig1243 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:48:21 on March 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Good story, the whole kissing her hand was such a huge "fuck you" to him. Made me smile. I am waiting for an encounter like this. I am not an asshole often, but when I have to be, I will be a much bigger asshole than you. Hope I run into one of these knobby fuck toys sometime.
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:16 on March 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for commenting and reminding me that there's an update to this story that happened a while back!
tusig1243 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:26:45 on March 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Please do reply to this thread to remind me to read it when you write it!!!
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:41 on March 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Will do, man. Soon as I get home and off mobile I'm going to type.
Spoiler alert: CC has sidekick
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:10:09 on March 10, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for the delay. Finally posted it. Hooray for new internet at work!!!
mladybot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:10 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to /r/neckbeardstories, m'lady!
I'm /u/mladybot and I allow other gentlesirs to subscribe to your posts.
If you want to get notified as soon as MengTheBarbarian posts a new story, click here, m'lady
Kalarel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:55:53 on November 20, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow these two things don't really match in my mind. I'd probably thank him just to rub it in. But that's just me.
Nicely done, though. Good luck with Jill.
uv-vis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:01:24 on December 29, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I HATE when neckbeards say they are intelligent especially in terms of SCIENCE. I've heard ppl like them say that my research job(funded and peer reviewed) is all irrelevant because I am part of an evil corporate institution and doing it for the sake of money and not enlightenment or euphoria, they get all their literature from reddit anyways.
MartialLol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:16:46 on November 22, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Tommy's or Rotolo's? I'm betting Rotolo's.
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:30:43 on November 22, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Neither ;)
I wish I did so I would get more than two tables a night.
MartialLol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:12 on November 22, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
One of the national chains? I moved away a few years ago, but I actually can't think of another pizza place.
Blue_Dog_Democracy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:36 on November 25, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've said this before, referring to the subject of another story, "M". But: I don't usually call for "messing" with people unnecessarily, but I savor the schadenfreude of deliberately pissing off these idiots. Good for you!
Sid6po1nt7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:31 on November 29, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Neckbeards are such a rare sight for now. I may see one if I got to the mall or something, fascinating creatures if ignorance.
Bassethounds4ever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:21 on May 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, you're not a girl? Why did I think you were a girl?
๐๏ธ MengTheBarbarian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:27:13 on May 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Probably because of my luscious man tits.