Crab bait that accidentally fell off the boat don't git no inheritance. /darker
qaisjp ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:55:37 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
git reset head?
thedboy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:53:51 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only git command you ever need is git push --force
qaisjp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:13:52 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
savage
t3hmau5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:45:40 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed way harder than I should have
bibowski ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:31:29 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This just happened to me today. My daughter full out punched me in the junk. Then I was the asshole for making HER feel bad, by spouting obscenities and wincing.
That's how you teach kittens not to claw you, so it probably works with children too!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:03:13 on October 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't work with kittens. They may not hate-swipe me, but they definitely don't understand not to kneed me when getting comfortable. RIP nipple.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:48:50 on November 3, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Australian summer. Sleeping naked. Fan, blowing right on my balls to keep the crotch-climate cool.
Cat notices cool airflow. Cat decides to take advantage.
Cat kneeds my balls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:19 on December 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sleeping gently on side. Half-covered in blanket. Cat lies on my side, slowly sticks out paw with claws showing. Pokes me in the side, ending my peaceful slumber. "It's time for breakfast."
Clicked on the wrong comment thread for this and the first comment had me thinking about the girl, the father and the crab in a whole new light: "The use of motion is incredible, each one feels like something is currently in the process of moving. Wonderful."
As soon as she started moving it closer to Daddy, I saw it coming.
I have a 10 month old and he's already "accidentally" hit me in the balls.
I wonder if kids have this innate knowledge that they will no longer be an only child if the balls are allowed to flourish...cue random attacks on Dad's nuts.
Sorry for the late reply. Something about them not being able to post this video on the Internet for some shit they entered it into. Oops I guess. So no ama. Just talked to em tonight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:52 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She was holding it by the mouth, something bad was going to heppen
a1b1no ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:25 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Look at the bright side: no more kids!
DeafLady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:34 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Who holds crabs like that??? My 6 year old brother who never went crabbing in his life knows it's best to hold them on their back where they cant reach. I was so afraid for the kid thosd biters hurt!
rathereatpie ยท 778 points ยท Posted at 20:19:09 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god.. don't snap the kid, don't snap the kid!... oh god.. don't snap the balls! Snap the kid!
RhythmofChains ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 20:42:03 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Do it to Julia!
LippencottElvis ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:08:19 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I was rooting for the balls
ameis314 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:55 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Should have thrown it overboard
thedeanorama ยท 273 points ยท Posted at 18:36:18 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Daddy? Daddy? Why are you crying, you're making me sad
[deleted] ยท 431 points ยท Posted at 21:17:11 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Because that crab just bit my cock off thanks to you ya stupid little bitch
lizard450 ยท 181 points ยท Posted at 21:38:25 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Smart kid she's not sharing her inheritance with anyone.
pitillidie ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:06:36 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Crab bait that accidentally fell off the boat don't git no inheritance. /darker
qaisjp ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:55:37 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
git reset head?thedboy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:53:51 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only git command you ever need is git push --force
qaisjp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:13:52 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
savage
t3hmau5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:45:40 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed way harder than I should have
bibowski ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:31:29 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This just happened to me today. My daughter full out punched me in the junk. Then I was the asshole for making HER feel bad, by spouting obscenities and wincing.
Kahandran ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:23:58 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's how you teach kittens not to claw you, so it probably works with children too!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:03:13 on October 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't work with kittens. They may not hate-swipe me, but they definitely don't understand not to kneed me when getting comfortable. RIP nipple.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:48:50 on November 3, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Australian summer. Sleeping naked. Fan, blowing right on my balls to keep the crotch-climate cool.
Cat notices cool airflow. Cat decides to take advantage.
Cat kneeds my balls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:19 on December 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sleeping gently on side. Half-covered in blanket. Cat lies on my side, slowly sticks out paw with claws showing. Pokes me in the side, ending my peaceful slumber. "It's time for breakfast."
ddrddrddrddr ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 20:59:50 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well that just cost her a little brother/sister.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 03:20:29 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Comment No Longer Exist
karmagod13000 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:36:13 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I know shitty acting when i see it and that bitch may as well of been laughing when she threw the crab
jlablah ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:52:25 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh ohh cute crab... ooopss.. threw it right into my daddy's lap... I mean I dropped it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:33 on October 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is how the youngest child ensures she doesn't become the middle child.
Ron-Swanson-Mustache ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 21:37:53 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And that's the second time I got the crabs.
Tribat_1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:18:25 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Stinks like sex in here.
Ron-Swanson-Mustache ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:42:51 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody got it.
It's Afghanistanimation!
Golisten2LennyWhite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:04:15 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shenanigans?
Gliste ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:53:41 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And that is how you gave me crabs, Sally.
aesu ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:34:55 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She's trying to stop more of her being created.
ghazi364 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:48:00 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
there can only be one of me, daddy. there can only be one.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:35:52 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheZachinator ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:14:42 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Unless that's part of the fun and games, too!
sloecrush ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:03:21 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is the worst comment section of all time.
MaxNanasy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:07:20 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, people should read the comments before commenting to ensure they're being original
the_wrong_toaster ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:39:34 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Stopping more kids lol xD
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 10:22:36 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's literally every comment.
mrsqueakyvoice97 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:18:34 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't give your daughter crabs
theodopolis13 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:39:36 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
cause she'll give them back.
nayiro ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:28:09 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Have another kid will you?! HA! I think not!
SwagleToothWolf ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:32:08 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Channing Tatum?
ILike2TpunchtheFB ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:05 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Channing Taint Yum
captstix ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:53:02 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Channing Tatum
Qweasdy ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:42:12 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She knew what she was doing, no child wants a younger sibling stealing all the attention.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:49:45 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hah she was mad at daddy all day , figured this is the best time to get revenge.
The_Sven ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:29:53 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just before she drops it she whispers to him...
"I heard you and mommy talking about having another kid..."
Drops crab
"Don't cross me daddy."
Frostiken ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:02:27 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lemmee just give this thing to a tiny human being who's known for both making utterly retarded decisions and having no arm strength whatsoever. WCGW?
bristolcities ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:41:38 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Clicked on the wrong comment thread for this and the first comment had me thinking about the girl, the father and the crab in a whole new light: "The use of motion is incredible, each one feels like something is currently in the process of moving. Wonderful."
NameIdeas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:57:33 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As soon as she started moving it closer to Daddy, I saw it coming.
I have a 10 month old and he's already "accidentally" hit me in the balls.
I wonder if kids have this innate knowledge that they will no longer be an only child if the balls are allowed to flourish...cue random attacks on Dad's nuts.
WillCauseDrowsiness ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:36:08 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/childfree throw the kid off the side of the boat and leave
Horsecunilingus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:11 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"There can only be one!"
LayneInChains ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:55:48 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, free vasectomy!
Nopski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:57 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Scrambled eggs
Militron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:50 on October 13, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah
kreeper22 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:49:02 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
need original video
XLVIII_GOCOUGS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:25 on October 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
They're going America's funniest home videos in November. Not allowed to have video posted til after.
Mutjny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:22:52 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She threw that crab at him, no question.
ambulation ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:46:39 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Am father...
Can confirm kids are good at hurting the nuts...
Squeakcab ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:40 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhhh that little cunt.
markevens ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:03:10 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That shit looked intentional!
myhatzulu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:54 on December 16, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shit there goes he's manhood
NOTbelligerENT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:31 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pow, right in the kisser.
jondillanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:42 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
NEED SOUND
XLVIII_GOCOUGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:08 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Lol wow I know this guy. Really good family friends. Shit was hilarious.
Apocraphon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:56 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Can we get an AMA?
XLVIII_GOCOUGS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:49 on October 10, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for the late reply. Something about them not being able to post this video on the Internet for some shit they entered it into. Oops I guess. So no ama. Just talked to em tonight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:52 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
She was holding it by the mouth, something bad was going to heppen
a1b1no ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:25 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Look at the bright side: no more kids!
DeafLady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:34 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Unexpected
Totally not what I expected.
kurotenshi15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:00 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I went into this saying that's a snapped ball if I've ever seen one.
Munt_Custard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:42 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
When I saw that guy sitting spreadeagled like that I just knew he was gonna get a crimped dick.
Jisamaniac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:51 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Look mommy. Now daddy has crabs too!"
exyccc ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:36 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking retard kid
dragoneye459 ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 23:14:21 on October 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Who holds crabs like that??? My 6 year old brother who never went crabbing in his life knows it's best to hold them on their back where they cant reach. I was so afraid for the kid thosd biters hurt!
BillyBobJenkins222 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:23:51 on October 8, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Biters.... lol they are pincers fuckhead.