Contaminated sample, do it all over.

"You didnt get enough! Try again..."

That air was by the ground. Up here - where we are breathing at!

Yup that's air alright

That is some military level trolling right there. "Hey Private! Go get some exhaust sample from the humvee with this bag!"

We gave Privates a hammer and a piece of chalk and told them to bang on the tanks and mark the soft spots.. BMO loved seeing rows of artillery with big ass X’s everywhere

That bag doesn't have enough air with nitrogen. Gotta get the ones with more nitrogen.

This guy is good at science.

It escapes from your rotten brain.

Lol! He's doing such a good job at it too!

Next, you are going to get 2 full buckets of steam and a left-handed hydrant wrench.

😂😂😂

In the Army, you would tell the newly assigned Private to go to the supply office in the next unit and get a can of squelch for the radios in the jeeps. Or you would tell him to get a box of grid squares for the map board. The supply sergeant in the next unit would usually play along with it, and tell him he was all out, so go to the next unit instead. The young Private would end up hitting every unit in the area, only to come back empty-handed and dejected.

I can guarantee that some dude whose job it is to keep actual pollution secret saw this and frowned.

Had a guy who used to work with me. We sent him to the wearhouse to pick up a bucket of steam, and we tell him dont let the steam out no matter what. He comes back with this bucket and a big ass grin like hes some kind of hero. My boss opens the bucket and starts screaming at him "i knew youd let the fucking steam out, god damn it sean!" And this guy starts like begging and going "no no no the guy at the wearhouse musta let it out i swear i didnt do it!"

Screwing with the new guys is so much fun

hahah best comment

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We used to send people to Home Depot, to pick up a fallopian tube for the milkshake machine.

Our kitchen was in cahoots with a bunch of other restaurants downtown. We'd send a new cook to another restaurant to get back our fryer key. They'd send them to another restaurant to get their cookie crumbler, then they could get the fryer key... and so on. These poor guys would get sent on wild goose chases all over the city and wouldn't even bat an eye since they didn't want to question these reputable chefs. These poor cooks would come back with the most random shit after being gone for hours.

At 'American Cafe' in a mall one of the cooks sent a waitress to the nearby ruby Tuesdays to give them back their grill scraper.

They just stared at her in confusion.

Edit: we never borrowed anything from ruby tuesdays, cook just sent her there with a worn down grill scraper.

I work at Starbucks; I’d like to think that if someone from a local restaurant came in asking for a banana peeler that I’d have the frame of mind to run in the back, grab something random, and keep a straight face and hand it over.

I was told to go and ask for a long weight once.

Took me a while.

I worked in IT and had 2 girls working for me who were always highly stressed and not very technical. Every morning they'd get their work for the day printed out. One day they came to me with one sheet of paper, in full panic mode because they needed those printouts. "WE'RE OUT OF PRINTER PAPER! THIS IS THE LAST ONE!" I asked if there was copier paper on the shelf. They said "yes, but it's copier paper" and just stood there staring at me so I had to do the most logical thing and take advantage of their inability to rectify this. "Ok, take this last sheet, make 30 copies of it then put the copies in the printer, you'll be good to go." It took them till the next day to figure out what happened because they had to tell me that printer paper and copier paper are the same.

Worked in a couple diners, was buds with the dishie, and i would send new cooks back to him to ask him for the bacon stretcher. He always had fun with em for a while before they came back to the line in shame.

I knew this thread was about fucking with people and I genuinely fell for that. "Why the fuck wouldn't a commercial kitchen have their own bananna peeler?" - my dumbass brain, 2018

Damn that's a good one.

At the restaurant I work at, we tell new people to "drain the hot water". We have a tap for boiling water attached to the coffee maker, but it's hooked up to the whole restaurant's water, so it will keep going as long as you have the tap open. People will stand there with a huge pitcher, wait forever for it to fill, dump it, then keep "draining" it until someone else feels bad enough to tell them that it doesn't end.

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In a restaurant I worked at, we used to get newbies to go round watering the fake plants.

When I worked at McDonalds I would ask the noobs to get me a bucket of steam. Here's the container dish room is back there. Hurry up

We used to send new guys at my last kitchen job to go to the walk in and get a pot of steam. My favorite one was probably sending them to the Chinese restaurant at the other end of the plaza to get the basement key. (There was no basement and it really confused the workers there) There was also having people clear the water from the hot water spigot on the coffee machine. One kid probably filled up 6 22qt containers before he realized the water would never stop. Karma came back to get me when I did concrete work as a side job and I actually walked to the work truck looking for a "concrete stretcher" until it hit me that that doesn't exist and I turn around to 5 old men laughing and pointing at me.

Worked at kitchens for a long time and this is one of the most common so I actually made a banana peeler, it looks like a big potato peeler with a much sharper blade and a chopping mechanism for the ends of the banana (it's not a safe utensil by any means). It's just fun to watch their faces as I slip out for 5 minutes, go to my car to have a smoke and retrieve my ridiculous tool and come back to flawlessly peel bananas with it

Sounds like you and u/bert4560 may have some history

"left-handed spatula" is another good item

Worked at mcD in my teens... we told new guys to go across the street to jack in the box and ask to borrow their broom and dust pan. A few guys did it lol

Drain the hot water from the coffee maker and or squegee the front sidewalk while it rains.

Also Left-handed pan Pot of steam

At our plant, the new guy is usually asked at some point to go to the boiler room and ask a maintenance tech for a bucket of steam for cleaning.

My dad told an annoying server to go empty the hot water from the coffee machine.

It was a hardline.

He spent half an hour trying to empty it, his aunt who also worked there saw him doing it and had to tell him.

He also once told a different server to go find him plate stretchers in the storage attic. He spent two hours digging through the attic trying.

Had the nephew of the owner "change out the air on the cooler" once.

Another server told to mop the freezer.

TL;Dr my dad's a dick

Personal favorite: Drain the water from the coffee maker when we close. It's connected to a waterline. Got much enjoyment watching the new waiters and waitresses fill up several pitchers while I cleaned up the kitchen.

We always told them to get the strawberry deseeder

I work at Starbucks and a way some of us mess with the new baristas is to ask them to empty the hot water container....you know, the one connected to the main water line.

Say dog, lemme get dem hands.

Ice mix or draining the hot water in the coffee machine was my favorite!!

I’m currently dying

Hire smarter people.

I would have

The last place I waited at had two of those sorts of things. We would tell them to go take the flag down off the flagpole every night(no such flagpole existed) and to drain all the hot water out of the coffee maker(it was hooked up to the plumbing so it never ended). One time we went out after we had finished cleaning and closing, and this kid was still walking around the (relatively small) parking lot looking for the flagpole. Also, a young woman had filled about up 4 huge buckets before she got suspicious.

HAHAHAHAHA

Same here, except that we told to go get a bucket of steam

Worked at a pizza shop and made them pick out all the bones from anchovies. We let it go on for over an hour, we were hoping at some point they would ask how do we have time to do this, but that never came.

We need blue steam!

We used to hand people a bucket and tell them to bring a bucket of steam.

We would make people get the mayonnaise slicer from the kitchen.

We got a shipment and had a bag of long grain rice, told the new guy it was supposed to be short grain and he would have to cut them in half.

Worked at a pizza place, the place I worked for had 5 stores and we would always send new guys to different stores to get stuff and would tell them to make sure they get the dough repair kit

I had a GM who would walk by the stove, fart, and then asked if you smelled natural gas on the first tour around the kitchen.

I worked at a McDonald's in an airport a long time ago. This was one of those that are inside the airport, and you have to get security clearance to go on the tarmac to get to the storage.

My manager friend told a new guy to get sesame seeds for the sesame seed buns from storage. The dude was gone for a while until we see him storming down the hall. I'm pretty sure he got put on some list, with how loud he was yelling when he got back. Something about spending too much time down there or something. Security was right around the corner, and we had looks.

Best day of my McDonald's career.

The long stand is the best

We used to say “bucket of steam”!

At an old job my friend worked a shift at a different store and called with the typical "sup bro sky check for me" I check and it comes back invalid and he says "I need a VHS rewinder" and I check and find it and he goes "ok this guy needs a DVD reminder too" I checked for a solid 5 min that felt like forever. He could hear me climbing and moving stuff around checking around before I'm like ehhh I can't find it and he goes "because it doesn't exist you fucking idiot" and hangs up mid cackle. That's why I'm doing a dime in sing sing.

Used to do this with Scouts, except it was a grape peeler, or sometimes a left-handed smoke-shifter. Ideally they'd go on a wild goose chase as site after site would send them to "that troop over there, I think I saw them with one."

My favorite one i heard was “hey, we need you to marinate the cucumbers.” They had one of the new cooks put on gloves and rub mayo on cucumbers. Couldn’t stop laughing.

My dad used to work in a kitchen and he told me their go-to was pigeon milk

Our go-to was 'left handed spatula'

When I first started at my restaurant one of the sous chefs told me to ask the bartender for a left handed avocado peeler. Looking back I can't believe I fell for that.

We used to;

Tell people to air out the walk in (big ass fridge, that you can walk in) and would hand them a bucket or a bag
Tell people to empty the hot water on the coffee machine (so they would run the hot water out of the coffee machine in to a bucket or something for 5+ minutes)
If someone was sent to a store, like a random hardware store for whatever reason (happens more often than youd think), we'd call them after they left and say we need more Fallopian tubes
Send them to Cracker Barrel next door to ask for "elbow grease" - this one worked way more often than you would expect. One girl even came back and exclaimed, "They said they were out".

Among many others.

Back in high school when I worked at Publix we'd convince the new people that the salad dressing needed a good shaking every day, so we'd send them to the aisle to shake as much as they could. Sometimes we forgot about them.

Managed a retail store in a mall.

During floor sets we would send the new guy out to get "The Wall Stretcher" that another store had barrowed

We have like a strip of restaurants where we would trick the new people to go to the others and they would do the same. Like we sent one guy to go 3 restaurants down to get the bacon stretcher and a left handed knife. In turn they sent them to 2 other restraunts saying they lent it out to them. Another restraunt sent a kid in for a bucket of steam for the espresso machine.

Working at McDonald's in high school we always told the new guys to go grab a box of relish from the stockroom out back.

My uncle had an ongoing joke at restaurants to mess with the waitstaff. He’d ask if the ‘du jours’ in the soup du jour were fresh. More often then no they would fall for it and they would always return and sarcastically say “yessir the du jours are very fresh today”.

One of my first camping trips as a Boy Scout, I was asked to go find a left-handed smoke shifter to keep the campfire smoke out of the tents. I asked everyone and looked everywhere before going to the park rangers post and asking. Reported back to my troop that the ranger only had right-handed models. I didn't think much of it until a couple years later when I told that story and was informed by friends that I was in fact a moron.

I work as a carpenter, and the go-to for us was to get a box of post holes. Either that or the board stretcher in case something was cut too short.

I worked at a fresh oyster joint that was in the area of a few other restaurants. We’d always tell the new person to go pick up the squee-gee sharpener that we lent to next door. That kitchen caught on and would send them to the next place and so on. It finally happened that this new girl was at the final place on the block and told them “I’m pretty sure they’re fucking with me, does a squee-gee sharpener even exist?”. Good laughs.

We used to tell the new people to change out the water in the coffee maker. One girl filled up 2 buckets worth of scalding hot water trying to drain it before we let her know.

I constantly send the new guys to the back to grab a bag of steam or the bacon stretcher.

When I worked at Planet Holly wood, we would send the new kids down the street to the Hard Rock Cafe to borrow their bacon stretcher, and occasionally pick up a bag of steam.

This reminds me of high school baseball. Tell the freshman to ask coach for the keys to the batter’s box, or to go find the bucket of curve balls. The amount of kids that fell for this was incredible, lol.

My boss would have new cooks go look for the bacon stretcher.

The restaurant that I worked at would tell people to get some fries from the basement. There was no basement.

Used to use the bacon stretcher. Sent them down the street Haha then that restaurant would send them to another. Had a culinary student go to 5 restaurants before coming back.

We’d always ask for the bacon stretcher.

What is a bacon stretcher you ask? You think bacon just comes in those long, magnificently tasty strips? No, bacon comes in small squares that you have to put on the bacon stretcher to get bacon strips.

Back when I worked in a kitchen we told a new dishwasher we urgently needed a bottle of A.I.R. and to see if they had any in the bar. Bar sent him to the walk-in, poor guy searched for 10 minutes before someone handed him an empty bottle.

We had a new guy in the kitchen and told him we needed regular flour but only had corn flour and it was too thick. Poor boy was stood there chopping corn flour for about twenty mins till he caught us laughing.

We used to tell newbies to find the dehydrated water

How are they "falling for it"? It's a new guy, they have to listen. What you expect them to say, no? Fucking idiot

I was in telecom. We used to tell trainees to go back to the equipment room and get a bucket of dial tone.

I had a classic, i told people that the coffee machine need to have the hot water drained every once in a while to clear out the mineral deposits. They would fill a couple buckets before realizing I was messing with them

Yea the restaurant biz is full of them. The good ones i saw were. 1) stir salt into the olive oil till it desolves 2) peel the capers 3) (my idea) cut 50 # sack of onions in half, wrap each piece, put into deli cups.

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How long before he figures it out?

If it's anything like my time in the Army, that kid is still looking...

Electrician here. All the new blood gets told to go to the trailer or supply house and bring back the wire stretcher.

Sometimes to add fuel to the flames we'll tell them wire can only be stretched the first 30 minutes after it comes off the reel. So they're in a big rush, running around, asking everyone where the wire stretcher is. Most everyone on the jobsite plays along. They'll be sent back and forth all over the site before they figure out it doesn't exist.

GODS I was strong then

Fat... fat is it?

Is that how you speak to your King?

THE WHOOOORE IS PREGNANT

ON AN OPEN FIELD, NED

Thank the gods for bessie and her tits

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r/FreeFolk is leaking

Wait is that not a thing

I know the quote is from GoT but I work in plumbing and a common joke to play on new guys is to have them go grab the “pipe stretcher”. A couple have actually tried to find it :b

Are you calling your king fat ??

"The breastplate stretcher?"

Every fucking thread.

I just found that. Look at that

I dont get it :(

My old boss told told the new guy to go get the "board stretcher" after he cut something a little too short. Fun stuff

Go get the keys to the batters box

It's right next to the canned dehydrated water.

I'm a painter and in our line of work we get the greenhorn to go look for the paint stretcher or a left handed brush and roller.

I work in the gas industry and my field guys usually send the new guy to warehouse to find the pipe stretcher. Glad to know where that originated :)

You cut the beam too short, go buy a beam stretcher

I work in an operating room, and we would routinely ask new people for things like “ I need a 10f Fallopian tube STAT”. These stories make their way to the classroom, and have been harder to pull off over the years.

I assumed you meant a Rib Spreader

I worked at a dominos pizza during a summer break in high school. They told me to get the dough repair kit in the freezer. One of the drivers that everyone hates ran in giggling and yelled for me to call the other store in town for theirs. I kind of figured then but the driver already ruined the joke. If the boss asked me seriously I would have totally done it too.

Apparently its a super common prank for new workers at dominos. I got a call from our sister store from a new guy asking for a dough repair kit. I told him to call the other dominos the next town over.

When I got back to the pizza store, everyone was laughing, even the girl currently on the phone with a customer. Fun times.

You married now?

Also worked at a pizza place and we would tell the new people to go next door to the sandwich shop and ask to borrow an olive drill and pepperoni stacker. Our owner even told a new girl to make pizza glue (so that the toppings would stick to the dough), he had a whole recipe list for her to make it. Flour, olive oil, pineapple juice, and ice... she didn't work there long after that.

I work at a pizza place as well, sometimes when a customer wants their pizza cooked well done they’ll say they want “brown cheese”. We always send the new guy into the cooler to get the brown cheese

Came here for this! One of our oldest managers of 15+ years brought the tradition of the "dough repair kit" from his previous pizza job.

Yeah it sure is fun making someone feel like a complete idiot. That's what I live for!

Boss probably thinking to himself "Wendy's guys gonna learn?"

At Taco Bell, we used to use this as a lesson in history for the store.

"Hey new jack, get some black olives from the walk-in."

(15 minutes in walk-in) "I can't find black olives."

"Yes, that's because black olives were removed from the menu in the early 90's."

"Hey man, can you get me some chives?"

(comes back from walk-in) "Where are the chives?"

"Back in 2006, an E. Coli outbreak caused Taco Bell to remove all chives from the menu."

The one we had at McDonald's was asking someone to go get some relish. Sounds like something that would go on a burger but they don't have any at McDonald's.

Use to be a manager at Wendy's. My favorite was get the eggs from the basement.

There was no basement, and we didn't have breakfast at our location.

Yeah, my manager at Hardees got me pretty good, he sent me to the back to get the oven key, took me about 10 minutes before I realized I don't even work at Hardees. That joker.

What happened to "always fresh, never frozen"?

That's funny because where I live Wendy's only sells hotdogs and ice-cream

Plot twist: he worked at Wendy’s Australia, where they do sell hotdogs.

Ah the good old days at Domino's, making people look for spark plug sparks.

My first day at Wendy’s was hell. I knocked over the bucket of pickles, got a bag of day old grease all over my clothes, and bled onto a burger.

I quit the next day.

in Australia Wendys only sells ice cream, hotdogs and milkshakes

Whaaat? We have hotdogs at the Wendy’s in Australia, is American Wendy’s different?

That's funny, because in Australia there is a franchise called Wendy's that is totally different and does indeed sell hotdogs. I was confused for a second because I love Wendy's hotdogs!

Wait a minute.... did you find any of those "never frozen" burger patties though?!

But...but..."fresh and never frozen"?

Bet you were frosty after that.

Thats when you just chill in there the whole day, go home with hypothermia, suffer for a while, then sue. Foolproof!

My boss at Domino's had a similar thing with chicken lasagna

I'm stealing this, thanks.

I worked at an Arby's for a couple years when I was younger, our fridge had a tile floor which we would.mop, but the freezer.floor was stainless steel. We would get the new guys by telling them they have to go mop the freezer, five minutes later they'd come out saying the mop froze to the floor. We got a lot of them twice by saying you gotta mop really fast and use super hot water.

Hmmmm I thought wendys didn’t use freezers tho 🤔

That used to work at Burger King.

With all the new special items these fast food joints get nowadays, i wouldn’t be surprised if they DO have hot dogs now..

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Also worked at Wendy's many years ago. We sent a noob into the freezer to mop the floor. Found lots of frozen mop strings stuck to the frosty wall. Must have been hard to rip that mop free.

I cannot this is too funny

I thought it was fresh never frozen. seems like somebody is lying and it isn't wendy's.

So Wendy’s does have a freezer! Foiled at last.

Be hilarious if you snuck out to the store and came back to him with some hotdogs.

Even though Wendy's doesn't sell hotdogs, you're new and just listening. Plus who knows wtf they chop up and put in that chili.

https://wendysmilkbar.com/hot-dogs/

Didn't they sell them back in the day?

Or freeze

Fresh never frozen

Fresh...never frozen. Unless it's a hot dog.

Wendy's...freezer... something is fishy...

They do sell hotdogs here in Australia, this would be a normal request lol

They do where I'm from

Wait I thought Wendy's was always fresh, NEVER frozen

That's funny I used to work at Wendys and sent them to this freezer looking for fish.

Wouldn't work in Australia

Do u you like Wendys????

Yeah...

Wendy's balls hit your face!

Thats strange. Here in Australia all Wendys sells is hotdogs and ice cream/shakes.

Where I'm from Wendy's sell hot dogs... Have for at least 20 years.

Sounds like something I used to tell new employees. In our restaurant we had a well filled with ice to put drinks into to display beside the register. Whenever we got a new hire, at the end of the night I’d tell them there was no way in HELL all of those ice chips would make it down the tiny segmented hole at the very bottom of the well, so they needed to grab the ice scoop and a big-ass bucket and shovel them all out manually, then throw them into the sink in the back. I think 3 or 4 of them fell for it over the course of a couple years.

At mcdonalds, we told the new guy to make sweet and sour sauce. Gave him the little sauce packets and a bowl and some sugar packets, told him to mix till it turned red (its yellow).....

It was funny till we realized I needed the bowl to make the lobster rolls immediately.

Australian Wendy's does sell hotdogs. I was confused.

Oh man the good ole Wendy's days. I used to work on the grill, when the lunch rush came it was nuts! "Drop six - 8 ounce patties, no make that 12! Shit the chicken is burning, oh look the potatoes are done, forgot to flip the patties! Drop more chicken". This is all happening within 2 minutes. I used to go home and completely pass out for hours after work.

I also remember the expired meet going to the chili... up to this day, 10 years later, I still can't eat Wendy's.

I work at a sushi restaurant. Can anyone come up with some shit like this I could say to new sushi guys or servers?

Wait Wendy’s doesn’t sell hotdogs in the US ,in Australia that’s their main product alongside milkshakes

They sell hotdogs at the Australian Wendy’s.

Mind, it’s a completely different franchise, it’s an ice cream shop.

Meanwhile, your manager is wondering where the fuck you went, because he really wants the hotdogs he brought in for lunch.

I still don't get why a boss would want an employee to be in the freezer for 20 minutes looking for something that isn't there, instead of doing, y'know, work.

When I was a new guy at a job and someone said "go look in the freezer for X" I'd regard it as, essentially, break time. If the thing wasn't there I might have gone on an hour-long trip to the grocery store. "There weren't any hot dogs in the freezer, boss. So I went over to Safeway and got some. Don't worry, I'll bill you for reimbursement."

Make the new guy scrub the toilet with a toothbrush or clean the outside sidewalk with his tongue. Something useful.

I was working in a kitchen during a very busy dinner rush and the head chef asked some to get a banana peeler. It didn't even occur to me that they didn't exist. I was running around frantically asking everyone where the banana peeler was. Back of house lost it and I turned purple from embarrassment.