As a natural blonde I cry. I once asked a teacher I looked up to when I was in high school if the school gave the go ahead for an astronomy class the next year. He told me not enough people signed up but not to worry about it because I probably wouldn't have passed it anyways because of the "whole blonde thing." Needless to say I felt pretty horrible for a few weeks after that.
Fuck you Mr. C, you were a dick.
oooo sorry to hear that. That sounds news worthy. If you are still intrigued by space, there's a few subs around. I haven't gone to seek advice on anything, not sure if they're incredible douches or not. I don't know the positions of the systems, but I am researching to build my own reflector. So easy a blonde cave man could do it.
NSFW, the only reason I recognized that face is because those fucktards on counterstrike used to spray this goddamn lady over every wall. Cannot be unseen.
The image at the top is a cropped version of an image that's been going around (mostly NSFW) forever. I recognized the face instantly because... reasons. That leads me to believe it can't be real.
It is either a genius writing a piece of beautiful satire, or its just your typical stupid religious nut job...im betting on the latter, but hoping its the former.
I've had a weight problem for a long time. I've tried everything - Weight Watchers, Atkins, Slimfast, you know the drill! I just haven't been able to keep the pounds off!
How about, ya know, excercising and having a diet?
IDK guys, that looks more like jesus than the shroud of turin. Have we had this dogs ass tested? carbon dated? Maybe we can get the history channel to do a documentary on this dogs ass. And does he have followers? and do i want to find out what happens to the turds that are expelled from our lords face?is it literally holy shit?
I didn't even notice til you mentioned it. Even then I missed it again when I looked up. I had to look hard. Nice catch eagle eyes. Nothing gets by you. Me on the other hand. I could be standing right in front of Jesus and walk away like he's just another hippy.
I believe, good sir, that is what a cherub looks like on two ecstasy tabs. The second one is either stoned, shitfaced or getting some great head. Dealers choice there
CKalis · 1 points · Posted at 01:23:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean three? One's lurking in the background.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 08:39:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me, thinking: No, he said on the right. There are three on the left but only two on right.
~Zooms in~
Oh holy fuck.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:40:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes. My first thought was that the blonde was giving the other one a handy.
And youre not allowed to help dying children. Youre only allowed to watch people and make sure they dont masturbate, and help football teams win the superbowl.
I mean technically, the whole point of the religion (and most religions) is that there is something beyond that is perfect and eternal.
Going by Christian theological rules, "helping" a child or anyone "good" survive life is just prolonging the time it takes to be "one" with "the holy trinity"
If anything, people should want to have very short, hard lives of piety since it's so much better "over there"...
Yeah. I've always wondered that. From a religious point of view that embraces an afterlife that is much better than the life we live in now, why is dying so bad? Why do people get sad when someone dies? Dying should be celebrated. Doesn't sound like the people who believe in an afterlife have much faith.
Death is sad for the same reason that my brother going to live abroad for a year is sad. Sure I'll see him again in a year, and I know he's having a great time, but I still miss him and cried at the airport.
The other two posters here have it perfectly stated. When my dad passed away, he knew it was coming and was completely at peace with it. He thanked his doctors for giving him more time with his family. I miss him every day, and that is why I am sad, not because I think he's gone forever like an Athiest would.
Sorry to hear about your dad. I guess my point is, years of missing someone on earth can't compare to an ETERNITY of togetherness when you pass on, in a place of ultimate joy and no suffering. So why then be sad? It seems the final outcome greatly outweighs death.
Christian here, any sane person doesn't rejoice when their loved one dies. That would be crazy. The knowledge that the person who died went to a better place is good though, so we keep that in mind and try to be selfless.
Yes, but the Bible tells us to be fruitful and multiply and tell others about Christ. Also, suicide is a form of murder, so it is a sin.
Christians really do want to live in Heaven forever with Jesus, and that is why many who are martyred seem so calm, because they know that soon they will be in paradise.
Edit: Let me add to this, this can explain it better than I - taken from gotquestions.org:
The apostle Paul suffered from a “thorn in his flesh”—some affliction that is not explained in the Bible—and three times he prayed for the Lord to remove that thorn. But God, who could have eased Paul’s suffering in an instant, chose not to do so. He reminded Paul that the “thorn” was to keep him from becoming proud and “exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations” he had been given, to keep him from exalting himself. But God did not leave Paul powerless to suffer alone. God assured him that the grace he had been given by God was “sufficient” and that God would be glorified by Paul’s reliance on His power to sustain him. Paul’s response to these truths was to be glad of his frailty and sufferings because in them God is glorified when the miracle of His power and strength are on display (2 Corinthians 12:7–10). Therefore, rather than seeking to escape from suffering of any kind through death, we depend upon God and rest in Him, for His purpose in suffering will always bring glory to Him and abound to our blessing.
When we are under the intense pressure of suffering, we sometimes feel like we simply can’t go on any longer. But God reminds us that there is no suffering or trial that comes upon a believer that someone else hasn’t gone through before us. Other believers have suffered pain that could not be alleviated by modern medicine. Other believers have suffered persecution and hideous deaths at the hands of God-haters. Other believers have been lonely and abandoned, some imprisoned for their testimony. So we are certainly not alone. But God is always faithful, and He will not allow us to suffer or be tested above what we can withstand and will also make a way to escape so that we are able to bear up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Finally, to answer the question of whether it is actually sinful to pray to die, quite simply it may come down to the principle “whatever is not of faith, is sin” (Romans 14:23). In other words, if our inner man says that it is sin, then to us it is sin. There is also the Scripture that says, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins” (James 4:17). There is only one sin that keeps us out of heaven, and that is the sin of rejecting the Lord Jesus Christ as our Savior. But praying to God to allow us to die can be sin because doing so indicates a lack of faith. A better prayer would be “God, you have promised to sustain me through any trial. I beg you to ease my suffering or provide a way of escape through it. But in all things, not my will but yours be done. Amen.”
I remember watching a Spanish detective type show where they uncovered that one woman was burning tortillas to have the face of Jesus on it, and then selling it on ebay as "real miracle" didn't burn his face onto these tortillas thing. Then she admitted it that she made lots of money selling a couple a day at like $100-$200 bucks each. I always wondered why people didn't wonder how this woman could receive a "message" from god and then totally sell it on ebay for money if they really believed they were "real miracles."
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 22:45:38 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:14:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Label me as a special snowflake as you will. It doesn't take away the fact that religion is 1 big hoax and you are apart of it. Be proud of yourself, you're supporting a hateful and disgusting sect. Rant over
There are only two historians, who actually existed in that era, that recount Jesus’ life.
Josephus was born years after Jesus died. Josephus didn’t write about Jesus until 60 years after the fake one’s death.
Tacitus wrote about Jesus about 100 years after "the savior's" death.
Both of their writings are hearsay and speculation at best. There are even beliefs that the Church doctored their writings in order to better promote the church's religious agenda.
”disciples”
Too funny. Did you know that the Gospel of Mark is widely considered to be forged after the first few verses.
Jesus never existed. His story - the virgin birth, the miracles, the death and the resurrection were all common themes in the religions and myths that preceded Christianity. Jesus & the new testament are plagiarized mythology.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Yeah, and most of those scholarly references are religious historians who's job's existence is predicated on convincing people that a Jesus existed. If the church can't convince the masses that Jesus existed, how will they be able to extort massive wealth from their flocks?
"borne out by a majority of actual scholars who have studied this period of history."
If you question impartial, secular scholars, you'll find out that there is a differing belief on the existence of Jesus.
Even if there was a brown skinned, Middle Eastern man, going around preaching a new belief system back then, there is still zero proof that Jesus (pronounced "Hey-zeus", like Spanish), was the immaculately conceived son of god.
It's all fairy tales & mythology that has been passed around for 1000s & 1000s of years by ignorant, frightened people who didn't understand the sun, the moon, life & death, math, science, astronomy, physics, etc and they needed believable stories to explain them so they could sleep peacefully at night.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
" 'Jesus' is actually derived from the name 'Yeshua' "
Yeah, I know. I just like pronouncing it "hey-Zeus".
By 300 A.D. - 400 A.D., the Roman Empire adopted Christianity as their state religion.
They needed a way to control their rapidly expanding empire. 1000s of years ago anti-Semitism was alive & well (funny how certain things never change) and the Roman & Greek gods weren't as popular any more so they needed a new religion to unify their territory.
Many historical, religious texts are believed to have been doctored by the Church in order to further promote and popularize the myth of Jesus.
It's no different than the tobacco industry funding research to say that cigarettes are good for you or the Oil & Gas industries funding research to say that climate change doesn't exist.
If no one's believing in your product, how will you convince them to buy it?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:46:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"1000s of years ago anti-Semitism was alive & well". You're denying that there wasn't ansti-Semitism back in biblical days. Apparently you've never seen Charlton Heston as Moses.
He could definitely be a real person no doubts about that. But he seemed more like a charismatic hippy too early for his time.
Think about the story.
If Mary had a child and was not married ahe would be killed and stoned to death. Mary and Jospeh decided to say God made mary pregnant. people deemed it as a miracle.
Why I hate religion is because it segregated humanity and puts to much judgment on those with different beliefs. I find It's stupid how we can't have a discussion about why we are here for this short amount of time on a rock in space. You live for such a small amount of time, meet great people. But we have no clue about our existence.
Religion teaches us to believe in one specific way of how we we're brought here. Even though there are thousands of script or text with different ideas involving the same outcome.
Religion brings on too much hatred.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is pretty funny to see since I was just watching a Dutch short film comedy yesterday about a guy giving a hitchhiker a ride that ends up being Jesus Christ. They kept talking about being away for 2000 years
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was all knowing and all mighty I'd probably have a laugh burning my face into toast too. What if Jesus actually has a Loki style trickster brother? He has all the same powers as the Jesus, but he's super lazy so he trolls people all day. Hence bad luck, and mosquitoes, what not.
Torlin · 1 points · Posted at 02:16:40 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
When I was 13 I was told to tithe 10% of my lawn mowing earnings to my buddies youth group service as kind of a "pay it forward".... long story short.. Im 32 now and I still believe Jesus owes me 40 bucks. That's ok tho, I know where he lives
Arowx · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
So he/she should be about 15-16 now (I think the church moved his birthday to overshadow pagan christmas rituals). And he/she would probably be taking part in a 99% rally somewhere or hacking into Wall St to take down the bankers.
2 Peter 3:3-4 Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, 4 and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation.”
3 Lance 3:3-16 and thee who said I shall not lie about thee Tour 'de France wins shall be stricken down and cast out taking all thee fame and fortune down with me.
Use the oxford comma, fuckface. No, it's not "optional", despite what some style guides will tell you. Its presence or absence changes the meaning of the sentence.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep" means something very different than "the woods are lovely, dark, and deep". The second (inferior) sentence attributes three qualities to the woods: lovely, dark, and deep. The first sentence -the superior one- says that the loveliness of the woods inheres in their being "dark and deep". This kind of distinction is only possible in English because of the oxford comma. To fail to respect the oxford comma is to break one of the most famous American poems. So use it, fuckface.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:14:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you just call the sentence without the Oxford comma the superior one? Are you saying it sounds better, but the Oxford comma is important anyway so that we can recognize the difference between when someone says ". . .Dark and Deep" instead of ". . . Dark, and Deep"?
The correct sentence is "the woods are lovely, dark and deep". However! If the oxford comma was optional it would be impossible to differentiate the correct sentence -"the woods are lovely, dark and deep"- from the inferior sentence "the woods are lovely, dark, and deep", because there would be an implicit missing comma. In other words, once you believe that the oxford comma is "optional", you can no longer write the superior sentence. The English language loses some of its power. (And that loss of power would break one of the most famous American poems).
2 Peter 3:3-4 Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, 4 and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation.”
AistoB · 2 points · Posted at 07:11:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Translation "don't think we didn't think of that! Cos we did! And here's a convenient explanation"
Your title is misleading, as 2000 years ago we were in the year of 16A.D. I do not know much about mythology but from my limited knowledge of Christianity I believe we marked the birth of our civilization from his death. If my information is correct your title should have used the number 2016 rather than 2000.
I understand that you were trying to copy the text written on the post, as you are most likely not a creative person and we're looking for a post that would quickly reach popularity and your Epeen would be inflated.
I am judging your post a 6/8. Most of the content was good, with only a minor mathematical error in your title. If you are the original creator of this picture, I would have to judge you a lower grade because of the same mistake twice.
Next time I would suggest spending a little more time researching your subject before committing to a post.
Considering the entirety of Asian, Africa, and North America believed in different things that argument makes 0 sense. There are definitely more Christians now than ever before with globalization. We just hear about a lot more atheists because back then people couldn't admit stuff like that.
And a world daily filled with stupid religious crap never gets repetitive and tiresome to us atheists. Religion gets a free pass to whore itself out on everyone everywhere.
[deleted] · -10 points · Posted at 02:40:10 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dont you find it a tad bit ignorant to claim that this entire multiverse, with all it's macro and micro systems and functions, is the mere product of accident? Don't you find it a bit ignorant to claim that all of this something came from nothing? Does a baby come from nothing? You can't see a sperm and egg with the naked eye until modern equipment allowed it to be possible, so don't you think that just because you can't see god with your limited knowledge, scope, and understanding that maybe it doesn't mean god doesn't exist? Don't you find it a tad bit hypocritical to tell people that there is certainly NO god, when they are just fighting the opposite side of the same question? Don't you find it a tad bit ignorant, and also egotistical, that you, an immeasurably small insignificant stupid human being from earth can claim with 100 percent confidence that this creation around us has no creator?
If I write a poem on a piece of paper and then die, and my name isn't on the poem, but the poem exists, and you find it years later, would you have the nerve to say that the poem was written by nothing and that nothing some how turned into words and paper and now you have a poem in your hands? wouldn't you laugh at yourself when you realized that just because you didn't see me write it, or have a trace of me writing it, that I still indeed did write it? This is how I see peopel with your argument.
The "basic building blocks" of the material universe are atoms. Atoms are virtually hollow structures. That means countless hollow microscopic spheres make up this reality we perceive. Everything is hollow, a basic illusion. It's already proven that human perception affects reality, therefore looking at just these two bits of information you can see that the reality you perceive, and the ACTUAL prime reality are two different things. Look under a microscope and see a microverse teeming with life, intelligent life forms and beautiful systems and structure. This is the case above and below, macro and micro. So where you perceive your little reality to be the only "real" one, and the prime one, there's infinite realities and realms out there that expand and contract into infinity, and beyond space/time. So, when you look holistically you can see that EVERYTHING in the universe is part of the same exact living organism, or being, or thing, or energy. THIS is God.
Also, before I get a shit storm of responses, you should probably escape your own little box of ignorance and understand that just because the bible may not be "real", or what you believe in, does not negate the truth of a supreme creator that is beyond any religious text.
Is that it? Are you done with your hate filled rant? We get it, you are delusional. Now, shut the hell up and keep that craziness to yourself.
[deleted] · -8 points · Posted at 03:18:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hate filled rant? There was no hate in my post. Does it hurt your feelings to have your inconsistencies and self-righteous ego brought to the light? Does it offend you to be forced to accept that you know not what you speak? I'm not pushing my beliefs on any one. I didn't tell you what to believe, or that this religion or that religion was right or wrong. I stated some basic truth and you get angry. So now let me ask you a question: why so angry? Is it because you are in denial of what you know to be truth?
Saved comment
nixzero · 768 points · Posted at 21:07:47 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
My Jesus Cheetoh
[1] is one of my favorite random links to send people.[1]
My Jesus Cheetoh
Z0idberg_MD · 131 points · Posted at 23:52:36 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am having a hard time knowing if this is satire or not.
[deleted] · 77 points · Posted at 00:08:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
stereotyping off of her build and color of hair, i vote not.
RacerX_00 · 4 points · Posted at 01:52:42 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What is the significance of her hair color? Just curious... lol
wo1fell · 13 points · Posted at 02:02:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's blonde.
hail_pan · 4 points · Posted at 02:16:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Blonds are thought to be inherently unintelligent. This probably originated from popular blond girls in school being overly social and less studious.
allynet · 5 points · Posted at 10:32:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
As a natural blonde I cry. I once asked a teacher I looked up to when I was in high school if the school gave the go ahead for an astronomy class the next year. He told me not enough people signed up but not to worry about it because I probably wouldn't have passed it anyways because of the "whole blonde thing." Needless to say I felt pretty horrible for a few weeks after that. Fuck you Mr. C, you were a dick.
haveanicewarmpile · 3 points · Posted at 13:47:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Mr Cock-head
ImWatchinUWatchinMe · 1 points · Posted at 14:43:04 on March 10, 2016 · (Permalink)
oooo sorry to hear that. That sounds news worthy. If you are still intrigued by space, there's a few subs around. I haven't gone to seek advice on anything, not sure if they're incredible douches or not. I don't know the positions of the systems, but I am researching to build my own reflector. So easy a blonde cave man could do it.
nixzero · 41 points · Posted at 00:16:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
AFAIK it's real. Been around for about a decade. The page is part of a religious band's website, I doubt they'd endorse it if as a joke.
Fedexed · 9 points · Posted at 05:45:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
NSFW, the only reason I recognized that face is because those fucktards on counterstrike used to spray this goddamn lady over every wall. Cannot be unseen.
TouchedByAngelo · 3 points · Posted at 07:34:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Used to be my Steam profile pic back in the day.
nixzero · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks, it's looking like the link is a fake. I'm still gonna keep showing it to people for a good laugh though.
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 01:22:00 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
ddrddrddrddr · 6 points · Posted at 01:30:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What would a satanic band be doing associating with a holy relic? Think!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:57:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Church of Chester?
reddit_spelunker · -1 points · Posted at 01:36:40 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
yah.. fuck you.. guy
masterbagger · 5 points · Posted at 02:08:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The band might endorse it if they think it's not a joke but in reality the picture is a joke.
Hloupa_Husa · -3 points · Posted at 01:05:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This
Hloupa_Husa · 10 points · Posted at 01:05:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Came here to say this.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:16:03 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Poes law in full effect.
TouchedByAngelo · 1 points · Posted at 07:37:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
As a South African, the lack of apostrophe in Poe's (Poes) leads me to read that as "Vagina law in full effect"
RapideGT · 4 points · Posted at 03:20:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The image at the top is a cropped version of an image that's been going around (mostly NSFW) forever. I recognized the face instantly because... reasons. That leads me to believe it can't be real.
spacedoutinspace · 2 points · Posted at 03:03:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It is either a genius writing a piece of beautiful satire, or its just your typical stupid religious nut job...im betting on the latter, but hoping its the former.
hellosexynerds · 1 points · Posted at 02:19:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
How about Mary's vagina on a bridge:
http://elvensarah.blogdrive.com/
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:58:20 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well it does look exactly like Jesus, so I'm guessing not.
BlownRanger · 1 points · Posted at 12:33:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those fingers don't look nearly sausage-like enough to fit the lady in that picture.
Suyi · -1 points · Posted at 01:08:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hahahahaha!! You sonofagun! :D
You made me laugh waay to hard!!
CoGa · 222 points · Posted at 23:17:29 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheesus
Beast_and_the_harlot · 45 points · Posted at 01:13:38 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
In queso emergency, pray to cheesus.
RustlingintheBushes · 62 points · Posted at 00:57:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheesus Crust, my favorite type of pizza
afaintsmellofcurry · 41 points · Posted at 01:16:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheesus Crust, our Lord of Savory
nicko378 · 1 points · Posted at 02:14:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This looks like someone Rigby and Moredecai would battle
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:27:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gouda bless you, my son.
[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 01:21:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 01:35:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheesus is my hero.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 02:01:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Blessed are the cheesemakers...
renzday · 1 points · Posted at 03:05:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You said it, man. Nobody eats the Cheesus.
I_am_real_supersand · 1 points · Posted at 05:22:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
He fried for our sins.
[deleted] · 164 points · Posted at 00:47:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a cropped image of this woman. NSFW
MyPunsSuck · 121 points · Posted at 00:56:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would you know that?
[deleted] · 293 points · Posted at 01:02:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
He'll always recognize your mother.
opie2 · 65 points · Posted at 01:41:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/wp9KKjF.gifv
Big-Sack-Dragon · 8 points · Posted at 02:18:29 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm loving the recent increase in community gifs. Everyone needs to love that show.
RoyalOGKush · 1 points · Posted at 02:42:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Burn!!
12_inch_anus · 56 points · Posted at 01:17:00 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tyrannosaurus rekt
MyPunsSuck · 6 points · Posted at 02:58:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Even as a victim, I respect that it insults both of us
Throwawayesus · 1 points · Posted at 01:56:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
ZING
azlibk · 1 points · Posted at 10:18:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Take your up upvote you
Jungian_Ecology · 39 points · Posted at 00:59:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I fucking love this comments section.
pmmecodeproblems · 13 points · Posted at 01:00:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, the man likes what he likes, don't judge him for what he can't control.
Mikulicious · 7 points · Posted at 01:06:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
-Eye bleach- ;o;
Him12 · 7 points · Posted at 01:16:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/Eyebleach
RapsFan420 · 4 points · Posted at 02:13:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol how is that such an active sub? God bless them though.
Him12 · 2 points · Posted at 03:59:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This may be why.
IntrinsicSurgeon · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I remember seeing it on a card at Spencer's Gifts back in the day with the title "Big Bertha"
SeditiousAngels · 1 points · Posted at 01:59:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I recognize that gay blowjob"
rr3dd1tt · 47 points · Posted at 01:04:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dat URL
AmateurFootjobs · 5 points · Posted at 02:30:39 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not only did I click this once, I clicked it twice... Today fucking sucks
NerfRaven · 5 points · Posted at 02:34:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bet you won't click it a third
[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 02:42:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ubergoober166 · 3 points · Posted at 07:02:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck you...
NerfRaven · 1 points · Posted at 11:06:43 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
He gave you a faulty link, Here's a working one
incapablepanda · 12 points · Posted at 01:36:16 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheesus Crust. Why did I click that?
pacotaco724 · 7 points · Posted at 01:44:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
whats the matter? Scared youre gonna like it?
OGsupermcnasty · 3 points · Posted at 01:02:21 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well I'll be God damned
throwaway_the_fourth · 2 points · Posted at 03:19:48 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
…soooo it's fake?
dingoransom · 1 points · Posted at 02:00:56 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I got scared of you linking a drawing of the Doritos story. I'm sure such drawings exist now.
Billdozer9000 · 1 points · Posted at 02:14:54 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think you mean NSFL
Smearmytables · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:58 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
She looks like a loaf of bread
Disolucion · 1 points · Posted at 03:29:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Glad I'm not the only one who recognized it.
[deleted] · 22 points · Posted at 00:48:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I have not eaten one cheeto since"
And now she saves money by only getting great value brand cheese noodles :)
PM_for_snoo_snoo · 10 points · Posted at 00:40:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I can't for the life of me see it. Is it supposed to be a cross? A face? I don't know what I'm looking at.... Its just a cheeto
[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 01:16:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
A guy with his head down spreading his arms up
PM_for_snoo_snoo · 8 points · Posted at 01:18:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oooohhhh... Dude what a stretch... thanks though I think I see it now.
jhartwell · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yea it is probably a good stretch but I'm sure the benefit of the stretch is lessened because his arms are nailed in place
d0gmeat · -1 points · Posted at 01:23:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Umm, yea it's a stretch. Just like everything else based in religion.
IntrinsicSurgeon · 1 points · Posted at 01:57:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
edgy
timescrucial · 9 points · Posted at 23:29:37 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
that's a stretch dude.
EnclaveHunter · 7 points · Posted at 01:18:37 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's a lot of stretches actually. You can see the marks.
cwfutureboy · 5 points · Posted at 00:23:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's usually Jesus feeding off your guilt, not you feeding yourself Jesus while feeling guilty.
Twerking_cat_dick · 1 points · Posted at 01:46:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
At least she has the opportunity now...
reagan2024 · 2 points · Posted at 01:20:38 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think it's a penis Cheetoh.
bellweather5 · 1 points · Posted at 05:50:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
A Cheenis
reagan2024 · 1 points · Posted at 05:54:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
thatsacheenis.gif
edit: everybody would want to suck your dick if you had a cheenis. But it would quickly dissolve.
Christyx · 3 points · Posted at 01:22:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It would be someone from Rio Rancho...
ramaiguy · 3 points · Posted at 01:59:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
If she was catholic, she would have totally ate that cheetoh
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:18:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheesus rice!
kronikwookie · 1 points · Posted at 02:03:17 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Cheetos are pretty good with rice and condensed milk.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:32:52 on March 10, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh! I thought the name was Roman!
DownvoteDaemon · 2 points · Posted at 01:22:24 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lawd have mercy
iheartprimenumbers · 2 points · Posted at 01:25:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aw dude. Randomly send it to me!
Humblebee89 · 2 points · Posted at 01:27:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was one of the best things I've seen in a while lol I read the whole thing in my head with a thick Appalachian accent
nixzero · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm a west-coaster, now I need to know what an Appalachian accent sounds like.
Humblebee89 · 1 points · Posted at 02:16:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Here you go
MississippiMudButt · 2 points · Posted at 01:28:15 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thank you
Shaunisinschool · 2 points · Posted at 01:49:40 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The Lord works in mysterious ways indeed
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:52:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks for that.
TightLittleWarmHole · 2 points · Posted at 02:05:44 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This has got to be satire
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:07:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Religion is a powerful drug.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:57:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
O...M...JC
greenmonk297 · 2 points · Posted at 10:29:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Praise Jesus.
maxiimus1 · 2 points · Posted at 11:23:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
How about, ya know, excercising and having a diet?
johnwest888 · 2 points · Posted at 16:13:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm trying really hard to see a Jesus in that and I just can't
Palifaith · 886 points · Posted at 19:31:17 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/CgeIw43.jpg
AsoftFurball · 755 points · Posted at 19:36:54 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
I was hoping for the toast, but got the dog's ass. I guess you can't have everything in life.
tactical_dick · 440 points · Posted at 20:34:01 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
r/nocontext
CommanderpKeen · 18 points · Posted at 04:37:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is the best /r/nocontext one I've seen lately.
Burn7Toast · 1 points · Posted at 09:12:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit, it's too late.
AdvantFTW · -142 points · Posted at 22:48:09 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
r/evenwithcontext
DriftySauce · 106 points · Posted at 23:01:27 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
It does make sense with context though
startsbadpunchains · 81 points · Posted at 23:04:20 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
He must have saw someone say it before and they got upvotes.
[deleted] · 18 points · Posted at 23:56:42 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
You must master reddit first, before you try to get the sweet karma
startsbadpunchains · 10 points · Posted at 00:09:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heh yeah or at the very least understand what you are typing...
phantuba · 31 points · Posted at 00:25:10 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hah, yeah, I mean /r/theydidthemonstermath, amiright?
GiantPackageGuy · 5 points · Posted at 01:07:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ahhh yes, the ol' reddit switcharoo
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:25:11 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hold my context, I'm going <null>¡
phantuba · 1 points · Posted at 01:45:54 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Damn, you actually just about got me on that one.
STLax24 · 5 points · Posted at 00:33:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Always one
__rosebud__ · 1 points · Posted at 01:39:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I love how I can always count on this comment being downvoted into oblivion.
AdvantFTW · 1 points · Posted at 02:44:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The most down voted comment in my Reddit career! :D
givemeadamnname69 · 82 points · Posted at 20:40:20 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oddly enough, dog's ass was exactly why I came to the comments. Now that I've seen it.... Well, I'm not sure what I expected.
Thetschopp · 18 points · Posted at 01:32:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I expected just the anus to be a detailed image of Jesus's face. Still wasn't disappointed.
nosliw_rm · 1 points · Posted at 02:48:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tbh same
wydra91 · 17 points · Posted at 00:01:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had seen the toast and cheeto. Was hoping for dog ass. Got dog ass.
afaintsmellofcurry · 3 points · Posted at 01:20:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You need to examine the dogs ass way to closely to see the jesus. I feel dirty.
tsingi · 5 points · Posted at 01:27:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I prefer the grilled cheeses. You can put ketchup on it and pretend you're watching him bleed. Kind of like a mini-Passion of the Christ with cheeses.
(Cheeses of Nazareth!)
findingbezu · 7 points · Posted at 23:22:35 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
With a little butter and jelly they're both tasty.
SpatialArchitect · 2 points · Posted at 01:07:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
And one makes its own! Yum!
STALKS_YOUR_MOTHER · 3 points · Posted at 00:41:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey, put that hair brush away.
ngarofalo · 2 points · Posted at 02:31:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
New thing? Jesus vision 50/50?
Fenor · 2 points · Posted at 14:08:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
i should have read your comment first.
i regret opening that link
furstset · -9 points · Posted at 19:42:12 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
haha, just wanted to post that! gold
Hai_Karate · 21 points · Posted at 22:33:31 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
that looks like chewbacca, in a mink coat.
Motorsagmannen · 9 points · Posted at 22:41:10 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
...our lord and savior
d0gmeat · 2 points · Posted at 01:25:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe Chewie got a bleach job done? Except didn't have enough to pay for the head and hands?
lordeddardstark · 12 points · Posted at 01:23:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
"Dog asshole" backwards is "Elohssa God" I'm sure "Elohssa" stands for "Son of " or some such in Aramaic
evasote · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Elohim is gods name in the bible many times, but I like the cut of your jib
lordeddardstark · 1 points · Posted at 03:00:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, I don't see Jesus in mi hole
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 01:43:29 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is what comes up. http://smite.guru/stats/hr/Elohssa/gods
idlevalley · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Out of 5,647,426 records in the U.S. Social Security Administration public data, the name "Elohssa" was not present."
timeslaversurfur · 4 points · Posted at 01:29:40 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
IDK guys, that looks more like jesus than the shroud of turin. Have we had this dogs ass tested? carbon dated? Maybe we can get the history channel to do a documentary on this dogs ass. And does he have followers? and do i want to find out what happens to the turds that are expelled from our lords face?is it literally holy shit?
derangedfriend · 10 points · Posted at 19:50:47 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Doing the Lord's work
LettersFromTheSky · 2 points · Posted at 21:38:50 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shitty work.
iamjamieq · 2 points · Posted at 23:30:08 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
That looks more like Chewbacca to me.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:22:15 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The tufts/cowlicks at the bottom look like Jesus balls
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:38:55 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:09:06 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus was neutered?!
EDIT: /s
nikhilsath · 1 points · Posted at 00:36:20 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
literally was wondering if i should google that
HomeBrainBox · 1 points · Posted at 01:47:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It made my Judeo-Christian conscience cringe!
rodtile · 1 points · Posted at 01:53:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Peter Criss?
magecatwitharrows · 1 points · Posted at 01:54:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I see Chewy. I guess he's the closest thing to a Messiah the wookies have these days
NeuroKing · 1 points · Posted at 02:02:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6
BragaSwagga · 1 points · Posted at 02:14:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Holy shit!
ademnus · 1 points · Posted at 02:31:24 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I see Bozo the Clown.
MerryPrankster1967 · 1 points · Posted at 02:37:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Palifaith 666 points 7 hours ago .. Fitting.
RizziUSA · 1 points · Posted at 04:10:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why do I sincerely belive someone painstakingly groomed that... I've known some crazy fanatics in my life... don't ask.. but be scared.
Jaalix · 0 points · Posted at 01:08:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Came here expecting this, not disappointed.
Staks · 1 points · Posted at 01:37:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like how it was just a link. No text. No link text... Just a link.
Jaalix · 1 points · Posted at 01:41:15 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fortune rewards the bold!
Shamusmcgrath · 0 points · Posted at 00:39:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
All hail Jebus has shown himself to me!
Rocky87109 · 0 points · Posted at 01:02:38 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sloth Jesus
ginsengrin · 0 points · Posted at 01:14:06 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Chewbacca?
the_leprechauns_anus · 0 points · Posted at 01:33:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
He's been here all along.
RealDurv · -2 points · Posted at 00:08:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lololololol
bad_breakin · 171 points · Posted at 20:02:42 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Am I the only one bothered by this title?
ForeverAMemebaser · 101 points · Posted at 22:40:29 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, you're you're not the only one.
heywhateverguy · 25 points · Posted at 23:03:16 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
You may say I'm a dreamer.
jetrax12 · 21 points · Posted at 00:09:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
But I'm not.
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 01:52:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
But you're not the only one.
Operation_mongoose · 2 points · Posted at 02:12:11 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Someday you'll join us....
supersmashdude · 2 points · Posted at 02:23:06 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
...and the world will live as one!
will_code_for_free · 53 points · Posted at 23:27:52 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)*
I didn't even notice til you mentioned it. Even then I missed it again when I looked up. I had to look hard. Nice catch eagle eyes. Nothing gets by you. Me on the other hand. I could be standing right in front of Jesus and walk away like he's just another hippy.
ThatSmegmaGuy · 37 points · Posted at 00:33:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why what's wrong wrong with it?
[deleted] · 11 points · Posted at 00:46:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
There are 2 "been"s in the title.
ThatSmegmaGuy · 46 points · Posted at 00:53:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ohh I guess I didn't didn't notice that when I first read the title.
donkeynut5 · 7 points · Posted at 02:06:55 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
fuck you got me twice
SuperbLuigi · 1 points · Posted at 14:08:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm [8] and I still see four didn'ts
quitethequietdomino · 1 points · Posted at 02:27:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh goddamnit!!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:43:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Haha dammit! I thought I was helping :(
MereGirl · 12 points · Posted at 00:58:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh son of a bitch...I can't even trust my own damn brain.
Pornada1 · 1 points · Posted at 02:41:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
How long has your brain been been that way?
MereGirl · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I have no idea how long this asshole has been lying to me. I read the title 3 times and still didn't see what the problem was with it.
drunquasted · 1 points · Posted at 05:28:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tkae cofmort! Yuor bairn is bteter at sotrnig tihngs out tahn you tinhk.
Blueccaadd · 3 points · Posted at 01:20:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Omg, I looked three times at it while reading this thread, and I still didn't notice till you said said it!
drmrsanta · 0 points · Posted at 02:02:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Whoosh whoosh
DrobUWP · 8 points · Posted at 23:48:02 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're not alone
...and neither is this post
atthem77 · 15 points · Posted at 23:33:46 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's been been bothering me too.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:16:55 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't notice it. Wuuuut.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:04:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
We here at reddit love to go batshit over errors in titles.
bad_breakin · 2 points · Posted at 01:23:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
We did in the past. I mean a few years ago a title like that would never get over 4000 karma. Times are a changing
Kesht-v2 · 1 points · Posted at 01:16:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Are we out of touch? Perhaps they were purposely applying the possessive to the divine with a gender neutral and impersonal pronoun?
No... it is the children who are wrong.
allink · 1 points · Posted at 01:39:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seriously! It's not even a long title! Dammit, OP!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:11:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What about the title has been been bothering you?
kurburux · 1 points · Posted at 13:04:16 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
No, you are not. Jesus died in AD 30–33 so it hasn't been 2000 years! I can't believe how OP would make such a mistake.
Rileyman360 · -4 points · Posted at 20:40:37 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well Jesus was born in 1 AD, didn't die until several years later.
Sithspaz · 16 points · Posted at 22:08:07 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
I think he means been been
Rileyman360 · 8 points · Posted at 22:27:51 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh holy crap you're right! Totally missed that.
Kirbyzx · 12 points · Posted at 22:13:22 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow, I honestly didn't notice that. I feel ashamed...
bvimo · 1 points · Posted at 22:47:19 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
I thought Jesus was born 4 BC?
Samwell88 · 0 points · Posted at 01:04:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sigh No...you are never the only one
balancedinsanity · 21 points · Posted at 22:17:39 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Anybody notice those two cherubs in the bottom right corner? What the fuck is going on down there?
bounch · 27 points · Posted at 01:02:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/MNKyayR
[deleted] · 14 points · Posted at 01:07:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
https://i.gyazo.com/3f5eff2e767fae3b3a17d0bcc123bf09.png
Lynoctis · 13 points · Posted at 01:44:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"It's lit, fam."
CruiseBiscuits · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:17 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh, I didn't realize it was amateur hour already.
[deleted] · 12 points · Posted at 01:20:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Oh fuck the acid is hitting"
wutimahdjsj888 · 1 points · Posted at 04:36:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
yo check out that cloud face in the top right corner.
blackholeblues · 7 points · Posted at 01:21:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I believe, good sir, that is what a cherub looks like on two ecstasy tabs. The second one is either stoned, shitfaced or getting some great head. Dealers choice there
CKalis · 1 points · Posted at 01:23:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean three? One's lurking in the background.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 08:39:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Me, thinking: No, he said on the right. There are three on the left but only two on right.
~Zooms in~
Oh holy fuck.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:40:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes. My first thought was that the blonde was giving the other one a handy.
KarlMarxWins · 50 points · Posted at 22:57:04 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Toast
marinated-90 · 7 points · Posted at 00:23:17 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus Crust!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:22:37 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Does there really need to be a 2:30 minute video to show us the fucking toast?
JimmyPLove · 12 points · Posted at 01:32:37 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I guess you're joking but something makes me feel like you aren't and it's hurting my feelings.
ThaDilemma · 1 points · Posted at 02:27:20 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What
KarlMarxWins · 1 points · Posted at 01:34:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's a comedy sketch.... If you think otherwise then I don't think you saw the video.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:44:55 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:08:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm confused
hellosexynerds · 1 points · Posted at 02:21:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
darth vadar has shown up on toast before:
http://www.offthechainwax.com/darthvader/toaster.html
chrisp1003 · 14 points · Posted at 00:17:44 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that Jesus would use the Oxford comma.
thefourthhouse · 29 points · Posted at 00:21:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like how both times you posted this today you kept the typo in the title. Its that consistency that keeps this site fresh and alive.
NicolasMage69 · 318 points · Posted at 19:36:53 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
And youre not allowed to help dying children. Youre only allowed to watch people and make sure they dont masturbate, and help football teams win the superbowl.
Sithspaz · 154 points · Posted at 22:07:23 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can only help the children if they get enough likes.
marinated-90 · 133 points · Posted at 23:16:34 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/shit-only-998-likes-jesus-meme.jpg
crypticfreak · 22 points · Posted at 01:23:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
And send the 6,000 people who kept scrolling to hell.
Hydris · 9 points · Posted at 23:33:33 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
They never get enough likes.
ademnus · 8 points · Posted at 02:33:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"How many now?"
"1.4 million."
"Oh, not even 1.5? Pff."
"She's bald now. Chemo is really making her sick."
"How long before it should reach 1.5?"
"I- er, I have no idea. At this rate? Maybe a week?"
"Seriously? Text me if they get serious about this. I'll be making a tornado hit Alabama because of gay marriage."
plummbob · 53 points · Posted at 23:33:52 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://www.theonion.com/article/god-answers-prayers-of-paralyzed-little-boy-475
hellosexynerds · 4 points · Posted at 02:22:24 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://whywontgodhealamputees.com/
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 22:26:03 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
to be fair; those last two things sound a lot more fun than a bunch of dying kids
Darth_Yohanan · 2 points · Posted at 01:40:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It really doesn't matter what he does, it was his will and part of a bigger picture... Every fucking time.
seattleque · 4 points · Posted at 23:23:20 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck he's fickle. Can't even support the same team two years in a row.
notbobby125 · 4 points · Posted at 01:12:06 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gods got some mad gambling debts that he needs to pay off.
TerminalVector · 1 points · Posted at 02:03:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit who do you think keeps God's book? Maybe Sheldon Adelson.
rdubs89 · 4 points · Posted at 01:02:05 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus is failing me miserably in the masturbation department.
_PM-Me-Your-PMs_ · 1 points · Posted at 07:52:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Oh no, he's watching. Believe me, he is watching..
Thedirtyjersey · 7 points · Posted at 23:44:16 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
I mean technically, the whole point of the religion (and most religions) is that there is something beyond that is perfect and eternal.
Going by Christian theological rules, "helping" a child or anyone "good" survive life is just prolonging the time it takes to be "one" with "the holy trinity"
If anything, people should want to have very short, hard lives of piety since it's so much better "over there"...
Just saying
Raestloz · 1 points · Posted at 02:57:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
So you're saying people like to live hard and die young, going out with a bang?
I um, I was referring to cowboys in the old west
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:42:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes because dying in pain with a cancer eating your brain is so fair and awesome.
God is so good, so him let all these innocent kids suffer because... You know, death means nothing.
canteen007 · 1 points · Posted at 01:38:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah. I've always wondered that. From a religious point of view that embraces an afterlife that is much better than the life we live in now, why is dying so bad? Why do people get sad when someone dies? Dying should be celebrated. Doesn't sound like the people who believe in an afterlife have much faith.
CharlesComm · 3 points · Posted at 02:04:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Death is sad for the same reason that my brother going to live abroad for a year is sad. Sure I'll see him again in a year, and I know he's having a great time, but I still miss him and cried at the airport.
pumpkinskittle · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The other two posters here have it perfectly stated. When my dad passed away, he knew it was coming and was completely at peace with it. He thanked his doctors for giving him more time with his family. I miss him every day, and that is why I am sad, not because I think he's gone forever like an Athiest would.
canteen007 · 1 points · Posted at 04:14:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry to hear about your dad. I guess my point is, years of missing someone on earth can't compare to an ETERNITY of togetherness when you pass on, in a place of ultimate joy and no suffering. So why then be sad? It seems the final outcome greatly outweighs death.
pumpkinskittle · 1 points · Posted at 09:02:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because I'm human and short sighted. An eternity is literally so hard for me to fathom. And thanks for your condolences :)
elephanturd · -2 points · Posted at 01:55:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Christian here, any sane person doesn't rejoice when their loved one dies. That would be crazy. The knowledge that the person who died went to a better place is good though, so we keep that in mind and try to be selfless.
SuaveMofo · 2 points · Posted at 02:18:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
But surely you want to go to the better place too, yes?
elephanturd · 1 points · Posted at 03:28:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Yes, but the Bible tells us to be fruitful and multiply and tell others about Christ. Also, suicide is a form of murder, so it is a sin.
Christians really do want to live in Heaven forever with Jesus, and that is why many who are martyred seem so calm, because they know that soon they will be in paradise.
Edit: Let me add to this, this can explain it better than I - taken from gotquestions.org:
SpatialArchitect · -1 points · Posted at 01:08:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hurr
Just saying
AimlessWanderer · 1 points · Posted at 00:59:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You forgot the Grammys. Jesus is the greatest song writer of all time.
Hexatona · 52 points · Posted at 19:13:45 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Holy shit, Jesus - when did you become white!?"
[deleted] · 37 points · Posted at 00:01:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
After 4th century Italian Christian artists got ahold of him.
bvimo · 8 points · Posted at 22:44:49 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
A touch of the Michael Jackson genes.
timescrucial · 5 points · Posted at 23:30:51 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
"what are you talking about? i'm white like you, dad."
ademnus · 0 points · Posted at 02:39:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Forensic scientist's rendering of what Jesus probably looked like
Conservative America Jesus
din7 · 53 points · Posted at 19:52:46 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://i.imgur.com/VjpzpER.jpg
NiceGuyMike · 20 points · Posted at 22:21:28 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
He flung shit for us.
solidspacedragon · 4 points · Posted at 02:32:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Let he without sin throw the first ball of shit?
ffs_tony · 13 points · Posted at 01:05:21 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rhesus Christ
You_know_me_so_much · 4 points · Posted at 01:03:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the fuck? I know it's a primate and all...but those eyes and face look human and really creepy.
zeecok · 1 points · Posted at 02:43:37 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's Nicholas Cage
bjb406 · 20 points · Posted at 19:45:51 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
don't forget wall stains
MrUppercut · 5 points · Posted at 22:00:59 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
And tortillas
ComputerSavvy · 31 points · Posted at 21:17:54 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why god can’t have a hamster.
GigglingHyena · 6 points · Posted at 01:14:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted] · 17 points · Posted at 22:45:38 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
will_code_for_free · 5 points · Posted at 23:31:48 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Crucify this! Pew pew pew
La_Farfallaaa · 8 points · Posted at 00:50:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
FTFY
Boxdog · 4 points · Posted at 19:03:05 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tree stumps and fogged windows
Boxdog · 6 points · Posted at 19:03:57 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because he moves in mysterious ways
[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 23:30:55 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
His arms are skinny and swole at the same time.
illatositotthegyilev · 3 points · Posted at 20:07:07 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
It explains everything.
Good_KittyPanties · 3 points · Posted at 21:07:39 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Grilled cheesus?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:34:32 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
im_twelve_ · 2 points · Posted at 22:38:30 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sweet cheesus!
Jakabov · 3 points · Posted at 21:43:39 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those angels are so high.
Namakero · 3 points · Posted at 23:06:28 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Pidgeot tho
JosefTheFritzl · 3 points · Posted at 23:22:05 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Those cherubs in the bottom right are really 'feeling the Spirit' down there.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:11 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Same as mom?!"
Ninja-Kiwi · 2 points · Posted at 21:22:58 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
And you can only help children if you get enough likes!
MrKumquats · 2 points · Posted at 21:51:52 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
don't forget ewan mcgragor
ChanSungJung · 2 points · Posted at 22:40:01 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
What the hell are those angels on? They look completely inebriated
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:13:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
God looks like that white hairy monster thing meme
N_Who · 2 points · Posted at 00:40:16 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why are Jesus' arms so toned, and yet so spindly thin compared to his torso?
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:47:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Had to check for lightening when i upvoted this. You know, just incase
Deathandblackmetal · 2 points · Posted at 01:30:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
ayyyyy
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:01:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Tonight, the part of Lower-Right Cherub will be performed by Harpo Marx.
bowtiebadger · 2 points · Posted at 02:13:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Don't forget mold stains. http://morallowground.com/2012/06/01/texas-family-finds-jesus-in-scummy-shower-mold/
syedshazeb · 2 points · Posted at 02:53:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
lol
tissycat1 · 2 points · Posted at 04:53:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Shit. I love this but am afraid to post it. It's a sorry state of affairs.
MrIrish · 7 points · Posted at 19:49:38 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus once saw the face of Chuck Norris on his toast.
IAmTheToastGod · 24 points · Posted at 20:41:35 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
That was my bad, I had just finished an episode of walker Texas ranger
[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 01:36:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's been 2000 years and the majority of mankind still believes in fairytales that caused the death of millions. Hurts me everyday.
Hollywood_WBS · -8 points · Posted at 02:01:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aww special ❄
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 12:14:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Label me as a special snowflake as you will. It doesn't take away the fact that religion is 1 big hoax and you are apart of it. Be proud of yourself, you're supporting a hateful and disgusting sect. Rant over
Hollywood_WBS · 0 points · Posted at 14:56:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not really, but since you are so special, I'll let you convince yourself you are right.
nidham21 · 3 points · Posted at 00:59:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Do you Christians believe hes alive or not ?
whtsnk · 2 points · Posted at 01:23:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Depends on the particular denomination. Most do, though.
zak_on_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 01:09:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ex-Christian here. I believe he never existed.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:39:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
zak_on_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 14:27:56 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
There are only two historians, who actually existed in that era, that recount Jesus’ life.
Josephus was born years after Jesus died. Josephus didn’t write about Jesus until 60 years after the fake one’s death.
Tacitus wrote about Jesus about 100 years after "the savior's" death.
Both of their writings are hearsay and speculation at best. There are even beliefs that the Church doctored their writings in order to better promote the church's religious agenda.
Too funny. Did you know that the Gospel of Mark is widely considered to be forged after the first few verses.
Jesus never existed. His story - the virgin birth, the miracles, the death and the resurrection were all common themes in the religions and myths that preceded Christianity. Jesus & the new testament are plagiarized mythology.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 15:39:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
zak_on_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 16:16:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
You're ability to copy & paste from wikipedia is quite convincing. So convincing in fact that I might have to change my mind.
No I won't. I still know that Jesus never existed.
Just an FYI, wikipedia is only a starting point from which to do "actual" research on your own.
I wonder if you know that if you actually read wikipedia there is plenty in there that questions the existence of Jesus.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:25:16 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
zak_on_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 16:35:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, and most of those scholarly references are religious historians who's job's existence is predicated on convincing people that a Jesus existed. If the church can't convince the masses that Jesus existed, how will they be able to extort massive wealth from their flocks?
If you question impartial, secular scholars, you'll find out that there is a differing belief on the existence of Jesus.
Even if there was a brown skinned, Middle Eastern man, going around preaching a new belief system back then, there is still zero proof that Jesus (pronounced "Hey-zeus", like Spanish), was the immaculately conceived son of god.
It's all fairy tales & mythology that has been passed around for 1000s & 1000s of years by ignorant, frightened people who didn't understand the sun, the moon, life & death, math, science, astronomy, physics, etc and they needed believable stories to explain them so they could sleep peacefully at night.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 16:50:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
zak_on_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 17:38:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah, I know. I just like pronouncing it "hey-Zeus".
By 300 A.D. - 400 A.D., the Roman Empire adopted Christianity as their state religion.
They needed a way to control their rapidly expanding empire. 1000s of years ago anti-Semitism was alive & well (funny how certain things never change) and the Roman & Greek gods weren't as popular any more so they needed a new religion to unify their territory.
Many historical, religious texts are believed to have been doctored by the Church in order to further promote and popularize the myth of Jesus.
It's no different than the tobacco industry funding research to say that cigarettes are good for you or the Oil & Gas industries funding research to say that climate change doesn't exist.
If no one's believing in your product, how will you convince them to buy it?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 17:46:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
zak_on_reddit · 1 points · Posted at 18:16:56 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Fact one:
The Roman Empire, Constantine, to be exact, made Christianity its state religion in the late 300s. I even linked to Wikipedia because that's your source of information.
Fact two:
"1000s of years ago anti-Semitism was alive & well". You're denying that there wasn't ansti-Semitism back in biblical days. Apparently you've never seen Charlton Heston as Moses.
I'm at work so I don't have time you give you better links. But here you go, it's widely believed that the writings of Josephus (and Tacitus) we're interpolated by the church in later years
earths_astronaut · 1 points · Posted at 17:47:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
He could definitely be a real person no doubts about that. But he seemed more like a charismatic hippy too early for his time. Think about the story. If Mary had a child and was not married ahe would be killed and stoned to death. Mary and Jospeh decided to say God made mary pregnant. people deemed it as a miracle.
Why I hate religion is because it segregated humanity and puts to much judgment on those with different beliefs. I find It's stupid how we can't have a discussion about why we are here for this short amount of time on a rock in space. You live for such a small amount of time, meet great people. But we have no clue about our existence. Religion teaches us to believe in one specific way of how we we're brought here. Even though there are thousands of script or text with different ideas involving the same outcome. Religion brings on too much hatred.
rplusj1 · 4 points · Posted at 01:57:17 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I am not a Christian, but I love how you can post this and no one will behead you. Don't you love that?
earths_astronaut · 8 points · Posted at 00:12:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Religion is the longest running form of mass manipulation in history.
Stumping4Trump · 1 points · Posted at 01:17:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Thanks karl marx
digking · 0 points · Posted at 01:50:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
IMHO, just half true. Compare Abrahamic religions with American Aborigines or Eastern religions.
But then it depends on how you define the word "religion".
diditjustbecause · -1 points · Posted at 05:26:21 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What are they manipulating exactly
its_a_rock_fact · -7 points · Posted at 02:05:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/atheists
ameya2693 · 3 points · Posted at 01:11:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus: Dad, over 2/7th of the world doesn't give a shit about me! What should we do about it?
God: Stay outta their way ffs. Why can't you be happy with what you have?
[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 01:01:29 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Over 2000 years and people still believe this nonsense... Ridiculous.
ZDTreefur · 2 points · Posted at 00:57:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
And yet people still believe in that religion.
jarstult · 3 points · Posted at 21:18:38 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Seriously though..... What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us. Just a stranger on the bus. Tryin' to make his way home?
thefourthhouse · 7 points · Posted at 00:23:44 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Idk. What about it? He'd probably have a Netflix subscription and maintain a tumblr blog on easter egg decorating.
Raestloz · 1 points · Posted at 03:18:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'd imagine that Jesus would be astonished to find that the lands of Israel has people walking with smartphones instead of bible
chuchubaba · -1 points · Posted at 01:02:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well, that just went right over your head youngin'. Bed time soon.
thefourthhouse · 2 points · Posted at 01:04:54 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Nah I know its a song. I'm pointing out how dumb it is.
What if God was one of us? Fuck if I know, cause the song doesn't say shit about if he was one of us.
jarstult · 2 points · Posted at 13:09:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
If God really was one if us he would be labeled a lunatic just like every other person who claims to be some form of diety.
thefourthhouse · 2 points · Posted at 13:13:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Unless you're born in India, in which case all you need to do is be born with a genetic mutation
ihatefigs · 2 points · Posted at 01:45:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
HAHAHA! There is no god.
Wwind99 · -1 points · Posted at 02:00:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Aw you said their
ihatefigs · 0 points · Posted at 02:10:00 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/Wwind99isgay
illatositotthegyilev · 1 points · Posted at 20:17:44 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Joseph knows how to have fun with people.
Capcombric · 1 points · Posted at 23:10:53 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you just get the same post onto the front page of /r/all twice?
NicotineMayhem · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
All those angel babies look high as fuck.
DriftingJesus · 1 points · Posted at 00:56:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Dad why did you turn me into a white guy?"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:59:21 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It certainly has been been.
justhereforthelul · 1 points · Posted at 01:00:12 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
And tortillas
rdxl9a · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"I have not eaten one Cheetos since then" Praise the lord for the potato chips!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:10:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Oh man, you totally left out tortillas!
Edit: Just thought something about Elvis was missing from all this.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:16:21 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
ChaosWolf1982 · 1 points · Posted at 01:20:29 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude was raised as a carpenter. In an era long before power tools. Of course he'd be ripped.
FangornForest · 1 points · Posted at 01:18:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"But why dad?!"
"Because you are literally a walking, talking graven image..."
BEAVER_ATTACKS · 1 points · Posted at 01:22:55 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus lives inside US.
Just like Mufasa lives on in Simba
BEAVER_ATTACKS · 1 points · Posted at 01:23:11 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
No one is going to save you but yourself.
NateArcade · 1 points · Posted at 01:25:48 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
That cloud face is fucking with me
redzoroaster · 1 points · Posted at 01:29:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fairly certain that one has been eaten.
HerrXRDS · 1 points · Posted at 01:33:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I like to imagine God and Jesus set an appointment with the artist and posed in the course of a few days for this painting.
yourmumlikesmymemes · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"It's finally getting interesting down there, so I'm just not ready to end it yet."
incapablepanda · 1 points · Posted at 01:40:29 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You can put Jesus on your toast at will now!
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is pretty funny to see since I was just watching a Dutch short film comedy yesterday about a guy giving a hitchhiker a ride that ends up being Jesus Christ. They kept talking about being away for 2000 years
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Lol...I'm toast dudes...what now?
melvincholy2010 · 1 points · Posted at 01:55:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I love how Jesus is always portrayed as white...ugh...Damn racist bible thumpers
zkramka · 1 points · Posted at 01:57:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's been been..
mydongistiny · 2 points · Posted at 02:12:45 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Indeed. It has been been.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:59:58 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You should have posted you picture here https://www.reddit.com/r/ImGoingToHellForThis/
Wwind99 · 1 points · Posted at 01:59:59 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
We'll never see another Wayne Gretzky either. One could compare attempts to beat his records to toast etc
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:01:10 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hopefully he comes back before the election and becomes President
dmd15 · 1 points · Posted at 02:03:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's funny that people imagine this as Jesus and God. Just human looking bearded guys sitting around on clouds..
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:05:38 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
mydongistiny · 1 points · Posted at 02:12:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Because the bookie didn't get paid.
Scraze · 1 points · Posted at 02:08:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
deleted What is this?
SuperBerny · 1 points · Posted at 02:10:54 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dude at the bottom right is high af
bedsidelurker · 1 points · Posted at 02:15:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
If I was all knowing and all mighty I'd probably have a laugh burning my face into toast too. What if Jesus actually has a Loki style trickster brother? He has all the same powers as the Jesus, but he's super lazy so he trolls people all day. Hence bad luck, and mosquitoes, what not.
Torlin · 1 points · Posted at 02:16:40 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/trippinthroughtime
Algern0nGr1mm · 1 points · Posted at 02:20:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
When I was 13 I was told to tithe 10% of my lawn mowing earnings to my buddies youth group service as kind of a "pay it forward".... long story short.. Im 32 now and I still believe Jesus owes me 40 bucks. That's ok tho, I know where he lives
transc3nder · 1 points · Posted at 02:29:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hilarious, but my burning question is... what the fuck has the blonde cherub in the bottom right corner been taking, and where can I get some?
ademnus · 1 points · Posted at 02:30:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"And put some Me-damned clothes on, you slacker."
Arowx · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
So he/she should be about 15-16 now (I think the church moved his birthday to overshadow pagan christmas rituals). And he/she would probably be taking part in a 99% rally somewhere or hacking into Wall St to take down the bankers.
bbhoward · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You double dipping douche
rberg89 · 1 points · Posted at 02:38:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Sorry I took so long.
nnxhfxtku · 1 points · Posted at 02:55:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Apparently there's heroin in heaven, look at those cherub faces.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:24:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who painted this? It's weird.
PoppingSea · 1 points · Posted at 04:30:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What on Earth is going on in the bottom right.
wutimahdjsj888 · 1 points · Posted at 04:35:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Jesus lifts every day.
SpacePunies · 1 points · Posted at 05:27:00 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Father son Rocket league
HierophantGreen · 1 points · Posted at 09:46:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hey man, jews have been waiting the Messiah for 2000 years, maybe it's time to realize they missed him.
plax1780 · 1 points · Posted at 16:05:03 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Now I want FLAMING HOT Cheetos
Taidel · 1 points · Posted at 16:12:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
It sure has been been..
Matts95 · 1 points · Posted at 18:31:34 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why is there an angel giving a reach around to young catholic boy in the bottom right corner?
Theres_A_FAP_4_That · 1 points · Posted at 04:34:41 on March 11, 2016 · (Permalink)
Gods voice in my hrad was J Jonah Jameson.... prob the work of underoos.
Starslights · -3 points · Posted at 01:11:48 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
2 Peter 3:3-4 Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, 4 and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation.”
Crusoebear · 3 points · Posted at 02:46:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
The good Rev. Creflo Dollar say: "Hey Bitches, my 70 million dollar jet ain't gonna pay for itself! So cough it up!"
Starslights · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:48 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes creflo dollar couldnt be bothered to fly commercially and spread the gospel lol. Hes a pretty little bitch aint he?
Strummer180 · 2 points · Posted at 01:44:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Strummer180 6' 2": "derp a doo a doodilly doo. Poop dee poop poop derp"
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 01:23:36 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
That's some good con man writing. "There will be people that say I'm lying which is how you'll know I was telling the truth!"
earths_astronaut · 1 points · Posted at 04:31:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
What makes this book different from any other book?
Starslights · 1 points · Posted at 05:04:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
you can google that
earths_astronaut · 1 points · Posted at 05:10:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
so you don't know either
Starslights · 1 points · Posted at 05:13:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
you can google it and I can save my time typing it out for you.
mydongistiny · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
3 Lance 3:3-16 and thee who said I shall not lie about thee Tour 'de France wins shall be stricken down and cast out taking all thee fame and fortune down with me.
neotropic9 · 0 points · Posted at 01:26:17 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Use the oxford comma, fuckface. No, it's not "optional", despite what some style guides will tell you. Its presence or absence changes the meaning of the sentence.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep" means something very different than "the woods are lovely, dark, and deep". The second (inferior) sentence attributes three qualities to the woods: lovely, dark, and deep. The first sentence -the superior one- says that the loveliness of the woods inheres in their being "dark and deep". This kind of distinction is only possible in English because of the oxford comma. To fail to respect the oxford comma is to break one of the most famous American poems. So use it, fuckface.
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:14:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you just call the sentence without the Oxford comma the superior one? Are you saying it sounds better, but the Oxford comma is important anyway so that we can recognize the difference between when someone says ". . .Dark and Deep" instead of ". . . Dark, and Deep"?
neotropic9 · -2 points · Posted at 02:17:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Right.
The correct sentence is "the woods are lovely, dark and deep". However! If the oxford comma was optional it would be impossible to differentiate the correct sentence -"the woods are lovely, dark and deep"- from the inferior sentence "the woods are lovely, dark, and deep", because there would be an implicit missing comma. In other words, once you believe that the oxford comma is "optional", you can no longer write the superior sentence. The English language loses some of its power. (And that loss of power would break one of the most famous American poems).
ashienoelle · 1 points · Posted at 03:37:54 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:39:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nice reference. I've seen those English dramas too.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 13:41:02 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This, folks, is the dictionary definition of pedantry.
zappa325 · 1 points · Posted at 00:55:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"But when you do, son, remember not to hate gays."
"But Dad, I'm Jesusss!"
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:33:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why not? He gained a pretty substantial following doing magic tricks for just a handful of Iron Age Mesopotamians.
forbid89 · 1 points · Posted at 02:59:08 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Well thank God you didn't show Muhammad, We'd all be dead by now
dverbern · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
So you can't depict Mohammad. Can you draw him, like they do in court cases? Or maybe a silhouette?
forbid89 · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:09 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah I don't know if I would even mess around with that
Ar_Ciel · 1 points · Posted at 01:13:39 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
God's a joker when he's high.
TheHandsomePhantom · 1 points · Posted at 01:14:01 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dogs asses? really?
GrayFaceNoSpace · 2 points · Posted at 01:28:38 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Did you see the top reply?
TheHandsomePhantom · 1 points · Posted at 05:45:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes Ive seen it, my God
microdon23 · 1 points · Posted at 01:41:29 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Got an LOL out of me.
OliverPets · -4 points · Posted at 01:27:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
ITT: A whole bunch of people who don't understand the Christian faith but realize it's easy to make fun of for Karma points
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:33:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
Understand what?
Why your god don't explain to us?
Oh... Must be hard to talk when you only live inside crazy people head.
[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 02:11:40 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You mean Reddit in general?
AttackPug · 0 points · Posted at 00:49:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Fuck the punchline, look at the cherubs.
mickrrussom · 0 points · Posted at 02:38:20 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Still talking about him 2000 years later. Check back in 2000 years, im sure he will still be talked about facebook could very well be gone.
Totherphoenix · 0 points · Posted at 03:54:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Click controversial I dare you
cringe
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 01:26:38 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
it hasnt been 2k years yet.
mydongistiny · 2 points · Posted at 02:14:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
:-\
sunhatd1000 · -1 points · Posted at 06:50:16 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
2 Peter 3:3-4 Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, 4 and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For ever since the fathers fell asleep, all continues just as it was from the beginning of creation.”
AistoB · 2 points · Posted at 07:11:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Translation "don't think we didn't think of that! Cos we did! And here's a convenient explanation"
in_it_to_lose_it · 0 points · Posted at 01:39:13 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/WkB7JAj
Spiceysriracha · 0 points · Posted at 01:48:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Disappointed no potatoes
Spiceysriracha · 0 points · Posted at 01:48:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Disappointed no potatoes
YogiDuB3AR · 0 points · Posted at 06:02:35 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
exhales briefly out of nose
jarjartwinks · -16 points · Posted at 00:56:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
this is so disrespectful to us kind people of faith
[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 01:19:15 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
"Jar Jar Twinks" wants more respect.
jarjartwinks · -4 points · Posted at 01:36:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Back off dude. I've got a grand army.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:24:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
And?
zak_on_reddit · 2 points · Posted at 01:09:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Truth hurts, hmmm?
whtsnk · -7 points · Posted at 01:21:32 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reddit can be extremely rude to people of faith. I'm sorry you had to see this kind of disrespect.
WruceBillis · -8 points · Posted at 01:16:18 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wow this such a shitpost
JViz · -8 points · Posted at 01:51:51 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
/r/atheism is leaking.
travlock · -1 points · Posted at 01:08:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Nice repost.
[deleted] · -5 points · Posted at 01:56:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
This is funny?
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 02:37:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:44:43 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Rekt.
Feinberg · 2 points · Posted at 03:57:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yes.
cooliotopnotch41 · 2 points · Posted at 05:19:49 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
For people with a brain, yes.
[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 08:21:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Yeah what an intelligent joke...
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:35:27 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Not as funny as calling yourself "DeepthroatMeNow". THAT'S hysterical.
[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 13:54:49 on March 14, 2016 · (Permalink)
It's not meant to be funny, dummy.
rossagessausage · -12 points · Posted at 01:26:25 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Reddit users love to bully. Fuck off with this nonsense.
Feinberg · 5 points · Posted at 03:58:10 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
How is this bullying?
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:37:14 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Maybe your god should do something about...
Oh, sorry, I forget that he exists only in your weak mind.
[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 13:38:19 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Bully-proof windows... Troll-safe doors... In my saaaaafe spaaaaace....
KillStarwarsNerds · -5 points · Posted at 02:02:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Positively euphoric my fellow atheist!
tdltuck · -10 points · Posted at 00:38:23 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You have the same fuck up in both of your crossposted titles. Get a fuckin real hobby.
Scheduler · 2 points · Posted at 00:41:04 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
but it has been been 2000 years...
platinumjudge · -19 points · Posted at 00:38:33 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Your title is misleading, as 2000 years ago we were in the year of 16A.D. I do not know much about mythology but from my limited knowledge of Christianity I believe we marked the birth of our civilization from his death. If my information is correct your title should have used the number 2016 rather than 2000.
I understand that you were trying to copy the text written on the post, as you are most likely not a creative person and we're looking for a post that would quickly reach popularity and your Epeen would be inflated.
I am judging your post a 6/8. Most of the content was good, with only a minor mathematical error in your title. If you are the original creator of this picture, I would have to judge you a lower grade because of the same mistake twice.
Next time I would suggest spending a little more time researching your subject before committing to a post.
dethstrobe · 3 points · Posted at 01:07:43 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
You have a problem with the math, but not the "been been?"
platinumjudge · 2 points · Posted at 02:46:20 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Ah, damn. Mobile errors strike again. Now my comment is invalid.
just_wanna_downvote · 3 points · Posted at 01:43:31 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Serious question: are you autistic?
platinumjudge · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:54 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I've had two people suggest that I could be. I've never been tested but I could very well be on some part of the autism spectrum.
JEEPFAN123 · -9 points · Posted at 02:14:24 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I didn't know this was r/atheist
diditjustbecause · -25 points · Posted at 23:56:13 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
Why would he come now with so many Athiests?
Nachteule · 8 points · Posted at 00:20:43 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Before he came down on earth not a single person on the world was a christian... think about that.
diditjustbecause · -5 points · Posted at 00:34:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
They were Jewish. Who still believe in God.
[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:20:56 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
TIL the entire world was Jewish 2000 years ago.
diditjustbecause · -1 points · Posted at 03:54:21 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
would you believe most of the first people to become Christians were most likely Jewish?
MoWards · 6 points · Posted at 01:07:47 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Considering the entirety of Asian, Africa, and North America believed in different things that argument makes 0 sense. There are definitely more Christians now than ever before with globalization. We just hear about a lot more atheists because back then people couldn't admit stuff like that.
diditjustbecause · -3 points · Posted at 01:12:28 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just citing the Bible.
Feinberg · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Only people who believe in God can believe in God?
diditjustbecause · 1 points · Posted at 04:15:48 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
yes?
Feinberg · 1 points · Posted at 07:06:50 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure people do change their religions on occasion. If not, generations of missionaries were totally wasting their time.
GabrielGray · 3 points · Posted at 00:31:26 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Wasn't everyone a non-Christian when he first came?
Ipadalienblue · 1 points · Posted at 00:36:58 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Christianity forked from Judaism. Jews believed in his God etc.
[deleted] · -9 points · Posted at 02:06:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)*
[deleted]
mydongistiny · 8 points · Posted at 02:11:41 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Just like your post.
JustinL42 · 5 points · Posted at 03:01:46 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
And a world daily filled with stupid religious crap never gets repetitive and tiresome to us atheists. Religion gets a free pass to whore itself out on everyone everywhere.
[deleted] · -10 points · Posted at 02:40:10 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Dont you find it a tad bit ignorant to claim that this entire multiverse, with all it's macro and micro systems and functions, is the mere product of accident? Don't you find it a bit ignorant to claim that all of this something came from nothing? Does a baby come from nothing? You can't see a sperm and egg with the naked eye until modern equipment allowed it to be possible, so don't you think that just because you can't see god with your limited knowledge, scope, and understanding that maybe it doesn't mean god doesn't exist? Don't you find it a tad bit hypocritical to tell people that there is certainly NO god, when they are just fighting the opposite side of the same question? Don't you find it a tad bit ignorant, and also egotistical, that you, an immeasurably small insignificant stupid human being from earth can claim with 100 percent confidence that this creation around us has no creator?
If I write a poem on a piece of paper and then die, and my name isn't on the poem, but the poem exists, and you find it years later, would you have the nerve to say that the poem was written by nothing and that nothing some how turned into words and paper and now you have a poem in your hands? wouldn't you laugh at yourself when you realized that just because you didn't see me write it, or have a trace of me writing it, that I still indeed did write it? This is how I see peopel with your argument.
The "basic building blocks" of the material universe are atoms. Atoms are virtually hollow structures. That means countless hollow microscopic spheres make up this reality we perceive. Everything is hollow, a basic illusion. It's already proven that human perception affects reality, therefore looking at just these two bits of information you can see that the reality you perceive, and the ACTUAL prime reality are two different things. Look under a microscope and see a microverse teeming with life, intelligent life forms and beautiful systems and structure. This is the case above and below, macro and micro. So where you perceive your little reality to be the only "real" one, and the prime one, there's infinite realities and realms out there that expand and contract into infinity, and beyond space/time. So, when you look holistically you can see that EVERYTHING in the universe is part of the same exact living organism, or being, or thing, or energy. THIS is God.
Also, before I get a shit storm of responses, you should probably escape your own little box of ignorance and understand that just because the bible may not be "real", or what you believe in, does not negate the truth of a supreme creator that is beyond any religious text.
StopSnoopingLooseFat · 9 points · Posted at 02:51:57 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Is that it? Are you done with your hate filled rant? We get it, you are delusional. Now, shut the hell up and keep that craziness to yourself.
[deleted] · -8 points · Posted at 03:18:30 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Hate filled rant? There was no hate in my post. Does it hurt your feelings to have your inconsistencies and self-righteous ego brought to the light? Does it offend you to be forced to accept that you know not what you speak? I'm not pushing my beliefs on any one. I didn't tell you what to believe, or that this religion or that religion was right or wrong. I stated some basic truth and you get angry. So now let me ask you a question: why so angry? Is it because you are in denial of what you know to be truth?
StopSnoopingLooseFat · 4 points · Posted at 03:52:07 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Again, all I see is hate. You should be ashamed of yourself. You don't even know me yet you have so much to say about me?!
[deleted] · -5 points · Posted at 03:59:22 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I see your game and I raise you 1.
......
dverbern · 3 points · Posted at 03:33:53 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
I swear some of your crazy has infected me just by reading it. I need to take a Sagan injection and get some bedrest.
cooliotopnotch41 · 2 points · Posted at 05:29:52 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
When did reddit get copypasta's?
accountingjedi · -28 points · Posted at 22:52:45 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're an idiot.
will_code_for_free · 20 points · Posted at 23:30:22 on March 8, 2016 · (Permalink)
You're a towel!
accountingjedi · -1 points · Posted at 02:13:11 on March 9, 2016 · (Permalink)
Heh. Good one.