Hell, I feared them as an adult for this same reason. Either cringey "testimonies" by puppet kids or cringey "testimonies" by puppets who had memorized the approved script (or of course zero attempt at a testimony and just story-telling/wanna-be preaching instead).
The worst part was if anyone actually had the gonads to get up there and say something like โI hopeโ or โI have faithโ it would cause a nearly audible discomfort across the meeting room.
Its โI knowโ or you are an outcast in the Utah/Idaho LDS culture. Not sure if its like that in other places.
Yep, even as a TBM it felt kind of disingenuous to say "I know", but I would because it's what everyone else did, and I rationalized that I had felt the warm fuzzies too so that must mean that I know...
even as a TBM it felt kind of disingenuous to say "I know"
The fact that you werenโt a shameless Liar for the LordTM proves that you were already an impending exmo. A Truly Brainwashed Mormon knows that God will expects him to tell lies for the cause of righteousness, and will bless him for it.
Its โI knowโ or you are an outcast in the Utah/Idaho LDS culture. Not sure if its like that in other places.
Itโs the exact same way in Alberta.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:21:17 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
So nice to realize that all the anxiety and guilt I felt every Fast Sunday I didnโt go up was not, in fact, the Holy Ghost, but rather just actual anxiety and brainwashing-induced guilt.
zarzh ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:01:51 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I could never stand how frequently people would get up and spend most of the time talking about how they felt impressed to get up and bear their testimony. Or, "I would be ungrateful if I didn't get up and publicly thank so-and-so (or HF)..." No, talking to someone privately and thanking them isn't ungrateful. You don't have to tell the entire congregation in order to be grateful.
I absolutely hated when people would herd their young children to the stand and whisper in their ear what to say. Then, inevitably, the parent would say something along the lines of, "I wouldn't be up here except that I wanted to bring my kid up, and they wouldn't bear their testimony unless I did, too." I encouraged my kids a few times, and once one of them got up on their own, but I never told them what to say. At the time, I was really proud of him. Now I'm just impressed that he was willing to say something in front of the whole congregation.
I wasn't going to post anything; I'm a lurker as a rule, but now I've got a rant going, and I want to get it off my chest.
Fast & Testimony meeting was just one more thing of many that I felt guilty about. I rarely got up and spoke. I don't really have a problem speaking in front of people, but I have trouble talking about things that I have deep feelings about. Every first Sunday I would have an internal debate about it. "I should be a good example to my kids, so I should go up. Is the spirit telling me to go up? Yes? No? Does it matter if it is? Am I ignoring a prompting? Because if I'm ignoring a prompting, that's a sin. Am I sinning right now because I'm just listening instead of participating? I haven't borne my testimony in years. Does that make me a bad Mormon?"
On top of that, I had a hard time fasting. I was fine with it when I was a kid and a teenager (except for that one Sunday afternoon when I had a meeting after our late block to practice a song to sing in front of RS and I was standing for a long while and passed out). But after I had kids, I could barely fast. I didn't when I was pregnant, and I couldn't when I was nursing, or else I would get nauseous. Then after a few years of not doing it, I just couldn't any more. One more thing to feel guilty about.
That's really the biggest day-to-day difference for me in being out of the church: not having a million things that I feel guilty about constantly. I don't have to be perfect anymore. I just have to be myself, and that's ok, and that's enough.
You arenโt alone. Testimony meetings are just another indirect way of keeping the cult going perpetually. Members subconsciously monitor each otherโs level of commitment and compete with each other. Guilt wars.
I'm so old I recall one Sunday when the bishop made an announcement from SLC, or should I say "the prophet"? Back then anything from SLC was considered straight from the prophets mouth.
It was sometime in the early 60's. I remember it because I was shocked that everyone was basically being told to lie by the prophet himself. I could never quite wrap my mind around that one.
The announcement was something to the effect of any GOOD mormon would be saying they "KNOW", not just merely believe the church is true. To say you believe was to show a weakness in your true convictions. The parents were told to set an example to their kids by changing up their language when speaking about their testimony.
I was confused and shocked. What shocked me more was the very next Sunday was F&T meeting. All of a sudden there were no longer any believers. Everyone seemed to "KNOW" the church was true.
I was about 10 at the time. That was my first hard lesson in how whimpy mormons were. I never believed anyone after that who said they "knew" the church was true. They were nothing more than parrots in a cage from that day forward.
I've never been abel to find that. The bishop did read it from what looked like a trip fold letter that had been mailed to him. Remember there were no computers back then. The letter was probably written, mailed to the bishops, and that was the end of that. There may be a copy somewhere deep in the archives in slc.
_food ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:23:38 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
And last week I lost my keys and couldn't find them anywhere. But after I prayed and asked God to show me where my keys were, they were in the first place I looked. - if I had a dollar for every time I heard this format I'd be a rich man.
doeekor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:32:41 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Those dam testimony about something stupid like some kid who put a dollar in a soda vending machine and it refuses to take the bill, person starts crying telling about the kid kept putting the dollar in the machine.
*sniffles "he tried and tried again putting the dollar in the machine"
This is what was my red flag for me. I wasnโt a Mormon but I went to efy with my Mormon friend. The fact that they had meetings where they would put youth in a room and call them out to say these exact words was astounding. If you didnโt do it you were like a traitor and no one would talk to you. I wasnโt a Mormon. I acted like I was interested but really I was just bored in the summer and didnโt want to be without Friends for a week.
I remembered fast and testimony meetings on my mission during zone conferences. The MP would tell each of the 300 missionaries to get up and give a testimony no more than 3 minutes long (This took for ever!) and once a missionary whom was known as a rule breaker, went over the 3 minutes and the mission president then got up and yelled at all of us! Telling us all to grow up and that our testimonies were weak. There was a sudden awkwardness in the room. My mission helped me see how church leaders are, controlling bullies. Good times!
angel_spumoni ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 23:50:12 on April 8, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, trying to stifle laughter next to sleeping DW is difficult as hell!!
utlaerer ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 00:03:16 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, I feared them as an adult for this same reason. Either cringey "testimonies" by puppet kids or cringey "testimonies" by puppets who had memorized the approved script (or of course zero attempt at a testimony and just story-telling/wanna-be preaching instead).
Great GIF!
PreviouslyYoung ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:36:28 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part was if anyone actually had the gonads to get up there and say something like โI hopeโ or โI have faithโ it would cause a nearly audible discomfort across the meeting room.
Its โI knowโ or you are an outcast in the Utah/Idaho LDS culture. Not sure if its like that in other places.
Vagabondtobe ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:45:47 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, even as a TBM it felt kind of disingenuous to say "I know", but I would because it's what everyone else did, and I rationalized that I had felt the warm fuzzies too so that must mean that I know...
milyvanily ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:44:34 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Most cringey for me is when they start saying โI donโt just believe, I KNOW........blah blahโ ๐
YoungModern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:12 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that you werenโt a shameless Liar for the LordTM proves that you were already an impending exmo. A Truly Brainwashed Mormon knows that God will expects him to tell lies for the cause of righteousness, and will bless him for it.
YoungModern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:51:28 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs the exact same way in Alberta.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:21:17 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
So nice to realize that all the anxiety and guilt I felt every Fast Sunday I didnโt go up was not, in fact, the Holy Ghost, but rather just actual anxiety and brainwashing-induced guilt.
zarzh ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:01:51 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I could never stand how frequently people would get up and spend most of the time talking about how they felt impressed to get up and bear their testimony. Or, "I would be ungrateful if I didn't get up and publicly thank so-and-so (or HF)..." No, talking to someone privately and thanking them isn't ungrateful. You don't have to tell the entire congregation in order to be grateful.
I absolutely hated when people would herd their young children to the stand and whisper in their ear what to say. Then, inevitably, the parent would say something along the lines of, "I wouldn't be up here except that I wanted to bring my kid up, and they wouldn't bear their testimony unless I did, too." I encouraged my kids a few times, and once one of them got up on their own, but I never told them what to say. At the time, I was really proud of him. Now I'm just impressed that he was willing to say something in front of the whole congregation.
I wasn't going to post anything; I'm a lurker as a rule, but now I've got a rant going, and I want to get it off my chest.
Fast & Testimony meeting was just one more thing of many that I felt guilty about. I rarely got up and spoke. I don't really have a problem speaking in front of people, but I have trouble talking about things that I have deep feelings about. Every first Sunday I would have an internal debate about it. "I should be a good example to my kids, so I should go up. Is the spirit telling me to go up? Yes? No? Does it matter if it is? Am I ignoring a prompting? Because if I'm ignoring a prompting, that's a sin. Am I sinning right now because I'm just listening instead of participating? I haven't borne my testimony in years. Does that make me a bad Mormon?"
On top of that, I had a hard time fasting. I was fine with it when I was a kid and a teenager (except for that one Sunday afternoon when I had a meeting after our late block to practice a song to sing in front of RS and I was standing for a long while and passed out). But after I had kids, I could barely fast. I didn't when I was pregnant, and I couldn't when I was nursing, or else I would get nauseous. Then after a few years of not doing it, I just couldn't any more. One more thing to feel guilty about.
That's really the biggest day-to-day difference for me in being out of the church: not having a million things that I feel guilty about constantly. I don't have to be perfect anymore. I just have to be myself, and that's ok, and that's enough.
lmnobuddie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:15:28 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
You arenโt alone. Testimony meetings are just another indirect way of keeping the cult going perpetually. Members subconsciously monitor each otherโs level of commitment and compete with each other. Guilt wars.
keshengjie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:27 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, I never felt I measured up as a TBM.
norajoan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:26:45 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh I hadnโt realized this yet and youโre so right! gigantic sigh of relief
seventhvision ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:05:14 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so old I recall one Sunday when the bishop made an announcement from SLC, or should I say "the prophet"? Back then anything from SLC was considered straight from the prophets mouth.
It was sometime in the early 60's. I remember it because I was shocked that everyone was basically being told to lie by the prophet himself. I could never quite wrap my mind around that one.
The announcement was something to the effect of any GOOD mormon would be saying they "KNOW", not just merely believe the church is true. To say you believe was to show a weakness in your true convictions. The parents were told to set an example to their kids by changing up their language when speaking about their testimony.
I was confused and shocked. What shocked me more was the very next Sunday was F&T meeting. All of a sudden there were no longer any believers. Everyone seemed to "KNOW" the church was true.
I was about 10 at the time. That was my first hard lesson in how whimpy mormons were. I never believed anyone after that who said they "knew" the church was true. They were nothing more than parrots in a cage from that day forward.
lmnobuddie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:29:26 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Is this message from Slc in print anywhere?
seventhvision ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:06 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I've never been abel to find that. The bishop did read it from what looked like a trip fold letter that had been mailed to him. Remember there were no computers back then. The letter was probably written, mailed to the bishops, and that was the end of that. There may be a copy somewhere deep in the archives in slc.
_food ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:23:38 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
"...I love my Mom and Dad..."
felinegodess ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:49:48 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
"...And my brothers and sisters too. Amen..."
Hard not to hear this all said in that same sing song voice cadence they all use
GeorgeQCannabis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:28:25 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
It really is systemic. We all can hear it in our heads, the same damn thing.
doeekor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:37:07 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
And I know they love me too
rogueburrito ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:48:33 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
And last week I lost my keys and couldn't find them anywhere. But after I prayed and asked God to show me where my keys were, they were in the first place I looked. - if I had a dollar for every time I heard this format I'd be a rich man.
REACT_and_REDACT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:11:09 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I will never forget this moment.
doeekor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:32:41 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Those dam testimony about something stupid like some kid who put a dollar in a soda vending machine and it refuses to take the bill, person starts crying telling about the kid kept putting the dollar in the machine.
*sniffles "he tried and tried again putting the dollar in the machine"
LightBrightRembrandt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:01:03 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
And these always end in one of two ways every damn time.
1) He prayed and Gob made the machine take his dollar bill so he could get his totally-non-WOW-breaking mountain dew/diet coke. The Church is true.
2) He prayed and the machine didn't take the money but realized he should be thankful for all his other blessings. The Church is true.
yaxi67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:40 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
That is just so funny as it is so close to the mark.
chewedgumball ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:28:03 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
This is THE best!!
perk_daddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:39 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Ha fuck yes
recoveringcultist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:44:06 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
A+ memeing right there. Take your upvote.
portable_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:20 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
This is what was my red flag for me. I wasnโt a Mormon but I went to efy with my Mormon friend. The fact that they had meetings where they would put youth in a room and call them out to say these exact words was astounding. If you didnโt do it you were like a traitor and no one would talk to you. I wasnโt a Mormon. I acted like I was interested but really I was just bored in the summer and didnโt want to be without Friends for a week.
Fun times though. Efy was great.
Word2daWise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:57 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
That's hilarious!
exchurchemployee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:38:57 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I remembered fast and testimony meetings on my mission during zone conferences. The MP would tell each of the 300 missionaries to get up and give a testimony no more than 3 minutes long (This took for ever!) and once a missionary whom was known as a rule breaker, went over the 3 minutes and the mission president then got up and yelled at all of us! Telling us all to grow up and that our testimonies were weak. There was a sudden awkwardness in the room. My mission helped me see how church leaders are, controlling bullies. Good times!
justasks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:13 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf I always thought it was called fasting testimony meeting.
Me_Anon_Truth ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:56:23 on April 9, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Bahahahahahahahahaha