You can leave the church, but the church won't leave you alone.

Here's an analogy:

When you are a little girl, you are introduced to a boy we'll call Chris. He seems nice enough, and he plays games and sings songs with you, so you become friends. As you grow older, he gets more serious with you and demands more and more of your time and attention. He asks you to behave in certain ways to please him. Sometimes this bothers you, but he hangs out with all your friends and it makes your parents happy when you spend time together, so you do it.

In a few years, he tells you he loves you and wants to get married when you are old enough. You promise that yes, you'll be his bride, because that's what's expected of you. You have never known anything else, and he seems decent enough. Your family promises you that Chris is the best man you'll ever meet, and that you can't go wrong with him. When you're old enough, you get engaged.

Then, one day, Chris hits you. He swears it was an accident, so you forgive him and move on.

Until he hits you again. You think this was too much, it hurts, and you have to tell someone. A girl with a black eye admits she was also hit by Chris, but that it was her own fault and that it wouldn't happen again. A child with a split lip says Chris was protecting him and it would have been much worse if it had been anyone else around. This bothers you, so you tell your parents. They say you're making it up, that clearly Chris could never do such a thing, and you need to change your attitude so you can still get to marry Chris one day.

You think maybe you have misunderstood the situation, so you ask Chris about his thoughts, his reasoning, his history. He grows tense and evasive, dodging your questions. He snaps that it doesn't matter anyway; all that matters is your future together. So quit asking.

But you can't accept that, so you tell him it's over. Then he gets really angry. He tells you you're an evil, horrible person, and that any beatings he or anyone else ever gives you would be totally deserved. It breaks your heart, but you can't just sit there and take this anymore. You tell him to leave you alone, and that you never want to see him again. He says fine, be that way, and leaves. You sit there and cry, alone.

When you finally get the strength to pick yourself up, you go to explain the situation to those who are close to you. Hopefully they'll understand.

But when you get there, Chris is sitting at the table, eating dinner with your parents.

And when you go to your friends, they've formed a circle around Chris, protecting him from you.

Out of necessity, you have to distance yourself, find new friends who don't like or have never met Chris. But you finally get the nerve to ask your family if you can, just once, have an event without inviting Chris. They respond like you're asking them to cut off their own arms.

"Oh, that poor girl. She left Chris, but she just can't leave him alone."