๐๏ธ WTFrank ยท 4852 points ยท Posted at 23:22:52 on August 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Her: "My friend Van would love this shirt!"
Me: "I didn't know vehicles needed attire."
She gives me the 'are you serious' look.
Me: "Oh wait, they need at least four."
She proceeds to walk away.
The_Punniest ยท 1260 points ยท Posted at 02:36:43 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend and I*
-literally my father every time I phrase it like that.
-Monolithic- ยท 273 points ยท Posted at 03:41:32 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this case yeah, but it's not always that way. An easy way to tell is to take away the other subject and see if it still makes sense, so it would be "my girlfriend and I went shopping," and "he shot at my girlfriend and me." (It's a dumb example but all I could think of on the spot)
qhs3711 ยท 97 points ยท Posted at 06:19:24 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other grammar mistake is when you're listing out other people and yourself, you're supposed to come last, I believe
SkorpioSound ยท 174 points ยท Posted at 06:48:33 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always come last, don't worry.
asd1o1 ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 08:01:45 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
Luigi1364Rewritten ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 14:02:33 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You must be a Scout main
Spidget_Finner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:26 on August 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mean Lime Green Machine
Luigi1364Rewritten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:54 on August 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
^ อกยฐ อส อกยฐ^
Herpkina ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:20:28 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First, last... What's the difference?
SystemCanNotFail ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:37:10 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it depends if you're on your own or not... I've heard...
sirrhinothe3rd ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:32:07 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you're not first, you're last
BoogerManCommaThe ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:40:58 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unclejokes
sneakpeekbot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:41:09 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Unclejokes using the top posts of the year!
#1: Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaner's
#2: If you have two nuts hanging on your wall what do you have?
#3: I'm gonna be an uncle | 21 comments
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q-quan ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 07:02:15 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it is not so much a grammar rule as one of politeness.
Plsdontreadthis ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:35:05 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could definitely be wrong, but I think it's a grammar rule that stems from politeness. Like the formal tenses in many languages.
The_Punniest ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 03:54:20 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks dad
cloud9ineteen ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:16:14 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I've been screaming at people on hgtv all evening about object and subject. Nobody ever gets it wrong when it's a single object or subject but two and it's like people forget how to speak.
Terlyn ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:28:09 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, the first example you think of is being shot at? What kind of an (both awesome and somewhat depressing) life have you had? :)
Flip5ide ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:33:57 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think he was asking for an explanation.
badenglishihave ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:07:56 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently I see people misuse "... and I" more often than "... and me" probably because they've been corrected so many times to say "I"
minderwiesen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:45:25 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In general before the verb: subject and I. After: subject and me.
N3UROTOXIN ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:00:59 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easy way to tell if correct: change are to was and delete the other person. Me went shopping will pass if you're the Cookie Monster and that's about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:57 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BijeDragonne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:21:27 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you meant "me are out shopping", or one would at least need to change the verb to the right conjugation. (I am out shopping for clothes)
three18ti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:17 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's never proper to put yourself before the subject though.
"I and my girlfriend" and "me and my girlfriend" are always incorrect.
Doctor_of_Recreation ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:03:33 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Why is she your girlfriend if she's so mean?" is what my dad would have said.
Skippyt17 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:03:05 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Who is this girl, and who are you?" is what my dad might've said because we've never met before.
Scipio33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:16 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a brother named Sam so "Sam and I" was always quickly converted to "salmon eye". Parents think they're hilarious. They pretty much are.
CrazyCatHuman ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:05:35 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're meant to take out the other person and see if it works eg.
goes to
Doctor_of_Recreation ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:24 on August 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is correct. It's also kind of how you determine who/whom. Try replacing the word with he/him or she/her and see which makes sense.
dark_and_sexy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:42:23 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay, you don't have to be your father.
Rise above. Break the cycle. Focus on correcting your own grammar before correcting others'. (Your usage of the word "literally" could use some work)
Herpkina ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:22:37 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wubbalubbadubdub
No really please help
Oveleoj ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:33:22 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grammar is important. Take it seriously.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:11:21 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's good that he's not just figuratively your father.
sbr999 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:24:37 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neah!
JasperNLxD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:27:28 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend of mine always says "sheeps first!", Implying that I'm a sheep. I always answer with "meh".
HoraceAndPete ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:28 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Humblebrag.
KingAdamXVII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The_Punniest: "my girlfriend..."
The_Punniest's father: "no, MY girlfriend..."
The_Punniest: :(
fine-rusty-knife ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 01:10:46 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This joke got some traction.
ICameHereToRead ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:15:30 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope that wheel always be the case with good jokes.
Herpkina ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:23:49 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely people will get tyred of them eventually.
singeblanc ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 01:00:51 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to try something on so the assistant asked me, "what size are you?"
"Actual", I replied.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 01:49:22 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
singeblanc ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 10:02:15 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sales assistant said, "if you need anything, my name's Janine."
"What's your name if I don't need anything?", I asked.
I'd never met anyone with a conditional name before.
SubEruanna ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:08:07 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a conditional name. Eruanna is my online identity. Call me by my birth name if you want the nice quiet girl that looks after all the kids at literally every family gathering.
Edit:or call me by my working name if you're a stalker like that. I have 3 main names.
JonasBrosSuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:08:45 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh hi... oh i thought you were someone else
Time_Terminal ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:44:02 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't understand your joke :(
fraGgulty ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 04:02:09 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like actual sized. Not a 1:8 scale model or a miniature. He's the actual full size him. Assuming he.
Time_Terminal ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 04:28:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, okay. I didn't find it that funny.
kevinnetter ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 05:19:07 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to r/dadjokes where the puns get lined up and the points don't matter.
singeblanc ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:00:07 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Puns: never explain, never apologise.
tuctrohs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:42:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might be on the wrong sub.
Houdiniman111 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:09:19 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't just go for the single pun, you went for a double whammy. Well done.
Svengelska1990 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:02:53 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice rhyming skills there.
ICameHereToRead ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:17:00 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She got pretty tired of your puns, huh?
Am_Navi_Seel_Mann ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:10:52 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You fucking nailed it, man. Well fucking done.
co_lund ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:38:55 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/shoppingwithdad
johnyapplsede ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:50:54 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You knew this joke would rubber the wrong way
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:12:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sort of timing is where the rubber meets the road.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:44:15 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, this is the first joke in a very long time that I didn't get...
blastfemur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:04:29 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Her friend's name is Van
lweinreich ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:56:17 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got that part, but why does he need four then?
ErikNavkire ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:09:48 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Attire, a tire.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God, I can't believe I missed that.
blastfemur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:16:50 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not know that vehicles need "attire" (that is, I did not know that vehicles need to wear clothing.)
(For the joke: I did not know that vehicles (vans) need "a tire".)
Then: most vehicles (such as vans) need at least four tires to function properly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:33 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Bisping ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:50 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good bot.
GoodBot_BadBot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:18:55 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you Bisping for voting on WikiTextBot.
This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.
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evr487 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:57:09 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good bot.
ContemplatingCyclist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:00:54 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a person called Van?
cat_herder_64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:06 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Van Morrison.
ContemplatingCyclist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:25 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean George?
The_Dainty_Shiv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:03 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Van from Reba
Dappercal ยท 159 points ยท Posted at 23:46:20 on August 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spare me.
Ace_Mazta ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 02:11:47 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh, give it a brake
Emptyletters ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 02:15:15 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to think of a pun but it's too exhausting
bleepblop12345 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 02:43:01 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this thread is going to go in reverse, but I'll stay neutral on the argument.
Teapotsalty ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:47:07 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, stuff like this is pretty standard.
bleepblop12345 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:50:40 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I gas you're right
wasted_bytes ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:12:59 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These puns are driving me up the wall.
Bisping ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:17:33 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps a brief transmission from the puns into something everyone can enjoy
.
.
.
.
Sorry i wanted some extra brake lines.
Herpkina ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:26:02 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread has taken a U-turn for the worse
D-Shap ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:16:35 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate all of you
LstCrzyOne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:47 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank!
Flip5ide ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:34:28 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is Van even short for?
johnyapplsede ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:47:54 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bus
UpAndComingNobody ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:46 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vanessa ?
j0oboi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:16:32 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it
johnyapplsede ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:49:05 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Her friend is named Van, and people wear clothes (attire). A van is a vehicle which needs a tire, except it needs 4 tires.
j0oboi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:29:28 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh fuckin duh lol. I'm an idiot
bubbsou ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:30:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daily Double...ver' niiiice
VanGoesHome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:50 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse you?
Kain0wnz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:37:22 on August 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, I giggled. Take yer damn updoot!
Alysazombie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:20:18 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
doot doot
shaggy9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:03:29 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She knows van diesel?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:12 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How dare you ignore trikes!
pslayer89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:09 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your gf must be getting tired of your puns OP.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:50 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would throw up
breaking_bad_gas ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:39:12 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not all vehicles need 4 tires though.
snaxxmachine13 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:59:28 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The gf DID say 'Van'
breaking_bad_gas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:52 on August 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP changed the subject to vehicles not a van
wdn ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:20 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why OP said "at least four."
breaking_bad_gas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:44 on August 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about motorcycles and unicycles?
wdn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:12 on August 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP was taking specifically about a van so it would be four or more.
breaking_bad_gas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:16 on August 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He never mentioned a Van. His gf did.