๐๏ธ sb95500 ยท 8971 points ยท Posted at 15:10:17 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire
Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"
Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"
Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"
He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.
dan123md ยท 683 points ยท Posted at 16:48:55 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
my dad wood totally do this
spizzat2 ยท 246 points ยท Posted at 17:52:05 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad wood knot.
SavingNEON ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 18:07:38 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sea whale something something
MrGyou ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 01:34:29 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Mom's spaghetti
mr_dirk_pitt ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 01:37:01 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Arms weak, knees sweaty.
SavingNEON ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:30:00 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is vomit on his mom's spaghetti
HorseAFC ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:55:06 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
YMCA
ImGunnaSayit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:23:27 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You know I read it in a magazayeeeeeeen...
TMA-3 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:06:15 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
MikoSqz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:18:32 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do! Just like a plastic bag, I often want to start again. (???)
rrr598 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:11:47 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
AAAHYYYYYY WHIP MAH HAAAIIIRRR
WhoWhyWhatWhenWhere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:10:24 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Arms spaghetti
TehGogglesDoNothing ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:33:53 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My dad would make me go out and cut wood while he watched.
tylerseher ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:02:56 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya I thought that's where the joke was going lol
TehGogglesDoNothing ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:11:13 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Right? Glance at the wood pile and say, "Get to choppin'."
darkoblivion000 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:08:23 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He maple a muscle though
brosefstallin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:37:29 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What a sap
JerrSolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:51 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was a good bad pun. I wish you weren't so late to the party.
darkoblivion000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:53 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya I know, I'm always the karma scavenger, picking up the leftover scraps
TheHeartlessCookie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:30:30 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw what you did there.
AgentCuddles ยท 717 points ยท Posted at 16:49:09 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was pineful to read.
paanovrtd ยท 172 points ยท Posted at 17:21:07 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wood totally lose my mind if he was my dad.
YourInnerIdiot ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 18:07:47 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
After that joke I'd ignore him fir days
Dan_Berg ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 18:29:55 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just ask him to spruce up the garage
[deleted] ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 18:41:37 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or just ask him to take you to the beech.
awesomeshreyo ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 18:49:16 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That's just ashking for trouble
theGarrick ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 19:10:10 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He must be very poplar at parties
[deleted] ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 19:24:46 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's enough. If you guys don't cut it out, I'm going to leaf. Acorn-y pun is fine, but this thread is really going against the grain. Honestly, it has plane thrown my off my grove.
RewrittenSol ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 19:26:47 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should make like a tree, and get outta here.
Spallboy ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 20:36:44 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I seed what you did there
daggerdragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:27 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're barking up the wrong tree.
ademnus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:43 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have to lumber onward then.
Curtis_66_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:15 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These puns are really acorny.
gusefalito ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:56:47 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But did you saw it? I'll saw myself out
Sixsignatory ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:09:08 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He was out cutting a slice of some good lookin' birch.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:41:22 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/XMIs1sO
Keith420 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:29:21 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dad is sticking to his guns here
goneblank ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:54:50 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You should make like a tree, and leaf.
Cyromaniap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:41 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds to me like he just wants to branch out.
abcedarian ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:38:28 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Aspen-ful as these pun threads can be, they provide a lot of good material.
DrDeducer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:49:13 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yew all should be ashamed of yourselves!
DrDeducer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:04 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This thread hazel the good puns.
KazakhSpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:53 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I will probably stick around some more
Kitu1568 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:57 on December 8, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't stick around too long or else you'll be rooted!
DingleberryGranola ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:24:52 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You can cedar writing on the wall.
RUSTY_SHAFT ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 19:40:00 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oakay
MCPE_Master_Builder ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:28 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Another "Australian sounding word" to add to my "list of words that sound Australian but really aren't".
Thanks might!
Overtly_passionate ยท 139 points ยท Posted at 19:11:03 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Told this to my brother... told me to kill myself. I told him I would rather knot.
๐๏ธ sb95500 ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 19:20:36 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like he needs to branch out into different types of humor
SQLDave ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:38:18 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think he wood do that?
SurgeTheUrge511 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:32:33 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I oPine that he wood
AngelicBastard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:10 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
BARK!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:59:31 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't he like your jOak?
setsomethingablaze ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 19:17:18 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He's got axe-ray vision.
henryletham ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:48:33 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Go home.
talenarium ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:39:23 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Get out
Grogeba ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:35 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sharp eyesight indeed.
five_hammers_hamming ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 18:38:41 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Really?! 'Cause I can cut the cheese without even looking!" scrunch eyes shut. fart
YourLocalPotDealer ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 18:35:25 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Would anyone care to elaborate
Quixan ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 18:55:17 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A common phrase, claiming to witness an event first hand.
verb 1.cut (something, especially wood or a tree) using a saw
verb past tense of see
YourLocalPotDealer ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 19:02:18 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OHHH SAW
Thanks friend
dontjudgemebae ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:49:39 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Damn man, you should take a break from smoking weed.
jotadeo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:58:36 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh, I see," said the blind man who picked up a hammer and saw.
The_CraftersEdge ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:52:40 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
His dad can "cut wood with his eyes"
When asked for proof, his dad said he "saw" (saws are used to cut wood) with his own eyes (implying that he cut it with his eyes)
YourLocalPotDealer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:02:53 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks pal
greyhamthegreatttt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:12:35 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No thank you
Bwuhbwuh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:55:44 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome
henryletham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:40 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ya know what? Thank me.
dnlsrl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:27:11 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He saws wood with his eyes.
YourLocalPotDealer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:29:39 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Does he saw it
mkay1911 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:55:53 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He seent it.
henryletham ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:18 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well he sunt it anyways
TheVillain117 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:05:09 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A cut above the rest.
cp4r ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:24:59 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Run-of-the-mill dad joke.
SpecificallyGeneral ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:23:25 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Passed this one on to the missus - the response?
No sound, no change in her face, just the biggest eye roll and an about face.
She laughed later, though. She knows how to show appreciation for dadjokes.
barofa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:47:06 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man, you just cut my wood. I need to open xvideos again
TruckLaundar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:43:29 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I dont get it? (English is secondary Language)
๐๏ธ sb95500 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:46:59 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No problem! Credit to /u/Quixan for the explanation here
thenorthwinddothblow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:21:53 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad is a seesaw
DemonicSquid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:48:47 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Dad, leaf it out!"
jonnyohio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:29 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the one my grandpa always said: "I ain't afraid of hard work. No,sir, I'll walk right up next to it, lay down and take a nap. Don't scare me one bit."
NeonFights ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:11:15 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was expecting something about a "see-saw"
Gogohax ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:04:42 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He must have sharp eyes.
๐๏ธ sb95500 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:09:28 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He has a special brand
bigghimself ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:10 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He needs to quit barking at you
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:12 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw what you did there
henryletham ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:49:12 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you.
no_ur_cool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:30 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why do I picture the dad in every one of these jokes as kind of Ned Flanders-y?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:59 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can do this too. If I stare at a tree long enough I get board.
Tensuke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:42 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I figured he'd look at it and then tell you to cut it.
JamesWiles006 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:31 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hilarious
ImGunnaSayit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:04 on December 7, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This one stumped me.
akjohnston87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:30 on January 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this so much thank you
CheesyCrackwhore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:06 on April 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In going to a bonfire tonight and I'm definitely going to use this
johnathanz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:54 on May 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
your dad is chuck norris?
ph33randloathing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:47 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You must not be very poplar with jokes like that.
datChef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:14 on December 6, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wood like to make my own pin thread since I appear to be late fir the party.