So a customer reaches into her bra...

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 6480 points ยท Posted at 20:43:43 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Lots of women wear bras. I'd say a majority of women wear them to support their boobs and to look/feel nice. There's a small minority who also seem to view their bras as magical extra pockets in which they can store money, their license, their credit cards, and their crystals.

Betty Bra (BB) comes into the store on a fairly regular basis, usually to complain about how overpriced everything is, while pointedly mentioning the store owner by name and archly looking at me as though she expects me to fall to my knees and beg for the opportunity to give her a discount because she knows the owner. You and a million others, BB. Store owner freaks out if I give a refund one day after the 14-day return policy, so no dice on discounts from me.

Anyway, today BB was complaining about the price of our tumbled crystal selection. You know the kind, you could buy a handful of them for two bucks at those "Natural Wonder" stores in big malls back in the 90s. Our store selection is a little more varied and popular among people who think carrying them around will make them rich, attract their soul mate, get them a job, or keep evil energy away from them. Some of these people may possibly be crows in disguise. I don't put anything past customers these days.

So BB is walking around the tables with the selection of tumbled crystals in their various boxes, and bitching.

BB: "Why does STORE OWNER price these so high? I can buy the same ones cheaper at Another New Age Store!"
Me: "No idea, m'am. I have nothing to do with the purchasing or pricing." And thinking, of course, why don't you just go to Another New Age Store and buy them there ffs.
BB: "And why would this rose quartz be so much more expensive than this one??"
Me: "One is a small, tumbled crystal and the other is a larger, natural crystal."
BB: "IT'S THE SAME TYPE OF STONE UGH."

She puts them down and stomps up to the counter with a Look in her eye. I smile blandly. She plants her hands on the counter and leans over to regard me closely.

BB: "So you know a lot about crystals, huh?"
Me: "...yes." As long as it has nothing to do with their energies, I know enough. Everything else, I Google.

BB is satisfied with the answer, straightens up, and reaches down the front of her shirt and begins fumbling around in her bra. I say nothing. BB is a larger woman, so this act is taking a lot of uncomfortable contorting and grunting and flesh jiggling and I suddenly decide I need to check the store's email. Oh look. A sale on plates that energize food. BB finally clears her throat and I reluctantly note that she is holding her hand out to me, fingers extended, palm open. In the center of her palm are several tumbled crystals. Her palm, fingers, and the crystals are suspiciously moist.

BB: "I bought these at Another New Age Store last week."

I nod.

BB: "But they're not giving off any energy."
Me: "It's only been a week. Sometimes it takes time for the vibrations from you and the crystals to get used to each other." (Note: I am making it up as I go along.)

BB looks thoughtful, but keeps her hand out. My own hands are firmly on the computer keyboard.

BB: "Maybe. But I'd appreciate it if you tried them out. STORE OWNER wouldn't have hired you if you weren't sensitive to energy."

The store owner hired me because I lied my butt off about my metaphysical and otherworldly experiences, because I know my way around computers and programs and graphic design and the other employees have an average typing speed 20 WPM combined, and because I'm a chump for applying for this job in the first place.

BB wants me to touch her boob crystals. Her damp, boob crystals. Not just TOUCH them, but feel their energy. I promptly balk.

Me: "I'm afraid I can't." BB looks offended: "Why not?"

Oh, so many reasons, chief among them the boob sweat still glistening on the crystals beneath the fluorescent lights.

Me: "I'm not comfortable touching another person's...crystals. Especially when they've been so close to you. The uh...energy, you see. It'll mess up my own."

BB stares blankly at me for a moment, then her eyes widen.

BB: "Oh. OH. Oh my goodness, you're an empath, aren't you! I completely understand! I'm one too, and I can't stand eating out because of all the collected energies in the silverware, it really gives me indigestion. Especially at the Olive Garden, since it's right by the senior home? All the energy of those old folks can really mess up your system."

I nod understandingly. Whatever it takes to not touch sweaty boob crystals.

She shoves the boob crystals back into her bra like someone stuffing a turkey for Thanksgiving. Her hand, wrist, and most of her forearm vanishes down the front of her shirt, until only her elbow is visible. The contortions and grunting resume and once more I find myself completely absorbed in reading about the benefits of charging an apple with positive energy from a crystal plate. Ions are mentioned a lot.

Some higher Retail Power was with me, because BB, per her complaining about the prices, wasn't interested in buying anything, and left without touching anything with her boob moistened fingers. But just to be on the safe side, I took the Lysol and spent a good half hour wiping down everything BB had potentially touched because you just never know when someone has been feeling up their boob crystals before going shopping.

Delanium ยท 1946 points ยท Posted at 20:57:27 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Oh my goodness, you're an empath, aren't you! I completely understand! I'm one too...

So many different thoughts here:

  1. If... if one were actually an empath... wouldn't they be able to sense another empath?

  2. Oh my goodness, you're an X-Men mutant, aren't you! I completely understand! I'm a mutant too...

  3. BB, how did you get this way?

  4. OP, what made you take this job?

The benefits of charging an apple with positive energy from a crystal plate?

Are we talking food apples or phone Apples?

[deleted] ยท 1188 points ยท Posted at 21:06:12 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

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Delanium ยท 403 points ยท Posted at 21:11:47 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Well, if you're getting paid $11 I guess I understand. If I was getting minimum wage at that crazy house I'd find another job.

I work at a "natural pet food store," which to most people just means that our foods have meat as the first ingredient and no artificial ingredients. Of course, I sometimes get people asking me what food will best get rid of worms, because they don't believe in doctors (and by extention veterinarians).

I always tell those people the exact same thing. "If you had worms, you would go to the Emergency Room."

I slice my apples and put them in rolls with cheddar and spinach. You should try it. (Would the sandwiches taste better with all those extra ions?)

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 314 points ยท Posted at 21:47:12 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

It's a higher wage than lots of the "office manager" positions in my town, so worth putting up with for the time being. At least I'm rarely bored there.

Oh geeez. THOSE kinds of people. I've been lucky and haven't run into too many of them yet, but you can tell without initiating conversation -if they're buying books on all natural healing methods, healing crystals, healing statues, healing incense...yeesh. Anyway, I've been meaning to check out the new "natural pet food store" that opened nearby, because my cat is allergic to chicken of all things. oh! I bet my store and that store could totally partner up because my store just now started offering ANIMAL REIKI. Let all the non-vet-believing customers know that animal reiki is a thing and they'd be stoked.

I love apples and Edam. I bet I will love apples with cheddar and spinach too, so I will totally try it. (The sandwiches made of ionically-charged apples would probably connect you with your spiritual fruit guide. Kinda like a cereal mascot but fruit instead.)

Delanium ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 22:11:24 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Chicken is actually one of the most common allergies for dogs and cats, because it's used in SO MANY pet foods, because it's the usually the cheapest meat. I'm not as knowledgable with cat foods as dog foods, but I'd reccomend you try duck for poultry, or some more "exotic" fish. (Shrimp, perhaps?) Animals tend to be allergic to things that have been easily accessible to them. But sometimes it's random.

When you try something new, just read the label and make sure there's no random chicket fat in it anywhere.

Ohmigosh-- I don't have a spiritual fruit guide! Where do I get one!?

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 01:18:53 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I would never have considered duck! That's a great idea, because I one-hundred percent know my cat never ate duck unless the shelter I got him from was really spoiling their cats.

Spiritual fruit guides: Attain by imbibing Energy Infused Fruit of your desired manifestation and meditating with watermelon tourmaline. (Do not eat the watermelon tourmaline, no matter how tasty it looks.)

Delanium ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 01:30:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

imbibing energy infused fruit...

so...

moonshine?

Drink moonshine near watermelon tourmaline. Got it.

And it's not that your cat himself has been exposed to duck, just that animals are much less likely to develop allergies to things that their ancestors didn't each as often.

And the shelter could very well have given him duck, since most shelter food is donated. I work with a rescue as well as the pet food store (my life is 100% devoted to puppers); one week the rescues are eating Chicken Mix Purina, the next week they're eating Kangaroo/Lentils California Naturals.

pinklavalamp ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 03:44:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You guys are hilarious. This was a fun read.

itsableeder ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 05:44:11 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This comment chain made me very, very happy. Thank you, both of you. I needed that.

Delanium ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 13:51:41 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're welcome, my darling.

curtsies

gracefulwing ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:51:22 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Ooo do they make kangaroo cat food or is it just for doggies? Because that sounds interesting

dreamingtree ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:42:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

If you're in Australia, roo meat is a common meal for dogs and cats.

gracefulwing ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:45:47 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I wish :(. I'm stuck in the States though

magistra_monstrorum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:28:25 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

If you live in a major city, you might be able to get kangaroo. I live in the Boston area, and I know there's a boutique pet supply store here that sells canned dog and cat food with roo meat.

gracefulwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:27 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Hmm, I live in Worcester but I visit a friend out in Quincy once in a while, I'll have to take a look next time I'm out there. Her cat needs a special diet, so it'd make sense to go with her anyhow. Thanks!

magistra_monstrorum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:57 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I found the roo meat cat food at Fish & Bone on Newbury Street. They have it right by the front desk. Glad to help!

gracefulwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:07 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you!

ferretface26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:42 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I buy raw kangaroo for my ferrets :D

[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:12:14 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

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gracefulwing ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:05:13 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You can get kangaroo jerky off Amazon. It's mixed with beef but it's pretty good. Same company has crocodile and I wanna say camel too

[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:01:55 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

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gracefulwing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:53:57 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I miss getting venison! We know one person who hunts now, and he shares sometimes, but he doesn't get much each year. I grew up eating some of the weird stuff too, squirrel is alright, beaver is a good texture but I always found it too swampy tasting, never tried possum, I tried a raccoon & bear stew that was decent. That ground venison & beef sounds like it would've made a pretty good burger or sausage

[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:13:37 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

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amiso ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:28:00 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

There's a place in my town that only sells wild game burgers. The camel burger was by far the most delicious burger I've ever had.

_LuckyDucky_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:25:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

In Australia it's in the fridge at the supermarket. Theoretically I should eat roo instead of beef, but... I'm not built to eat them!

gracefulwing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:44:30 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I wish I could get it at the grocery! Sometimes I find weird things like wild boar or partridge, but I've never found fresh kangaroo. You'd think there'd be some farms around though, there are some very similar climates in the US that I think they'd thrive in.

Delanium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Not sure about for cats. Most cat food I've seen is made with poultry or fish. I'm sure it is out there somewhere, but Kangaroo is always a bit more expensive if you're far from Australia.

gracefulwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:44 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I just like to get him the weird stuff once in a while. He's picky, but in a strange way. He rarely likes to eat the same thing twice, the weirder it is, the better

Xxmixtape_meltdown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:42 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Yes they do. ( Also work in a high end natural pet store.)

[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:54:43 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

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lookitsnichole ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:05:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

some sort of unlikely cat food emergency

I kept food around my cats refused to eat for this reason too. I'm still not entirely sure what type of emergency it would be.

pinklavalamp ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:18:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

A majority of shelters won't take opened food or used toys or other items. If you know someone who has a cat though try offering to them, or maybe post on Craigslist?

Delanium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:01 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

As far as I know, most shelters won't, but I work for a rescue-- we usually will. It's worth a shot either way.

mohavewolfpup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:58 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Former worker here: we always did, but there was graft behind the scenes that made the food appealing...

More often then not, it was food the animal didn't like or the animal passed away. I would say if they turn away food, it's not a real shelter (most arent anyway)

U_R_MY_UVULA ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:10:05 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Look for 'novel proteins' for your cat. That just means a protein that your cat has never eaten before. Duck and lamb will be what you will primarily find.

gracefulwing ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:50:02 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Beyond has some new "weird" flavors in their cat food now! Pheasant, quail, arctic char, and one other I can't remember, might be venison. I always try to get the weirdest meats I can to give my cat a good variety.

Btw though, I'm a human that can't digest chicken myself! I can have bone broth, but the meat turns my stomach into a lava pit.

WhenIm6TFour ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:51 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

That's how I am with duck, makes me nauseous for the rest of the day

gracefulwing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:09:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm similar with duck and turkey, but chicken is definitely the worst.

Delanium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:51 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Duck makes me nauseous, but it has nothing to do with allergies.

gracefulwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:38 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Well, since I can have broth, I know it's not an allergy, so I assume it's a digestive intolerance to one or more of the proteins in the meat.

mohavewolfpup ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:52 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Chickens are usually fed corn based feed, so animals with corn allergies are still affected by it, even if corn is not on the label

Delanium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:15 on March 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

That makes so much sense; I can't believe I never put that together.

mohavewolfpup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:10 on March 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Dogs and cats it applies to equally. When I did my tour of terror at a rescue for 10 years, it was becoming more common to see dogs (I worked with cats in the same building, but different rescue) and corn allergies came up even in foods with out it. duck,vension,fish, Etc Are Good switch off choices.

Note they claim fish has mercury, and if I remember correctly some factory farmed fish will get corn pellets. Tilapia is definitely one

Bully breeds are notorious for corn/wheat allergies probably due to breeding issues as a example.

Cats also can have issues. My cat here itches like crazy on many foods, but because of too many other cats around, I can't switch her to a non corn feed based protein source

jexx30 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 22:51:06 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I mis-read "ionically-charged" as "ironically-charged" and I wanted to EAT THAT APPLE. Heh. And can confirm: cheddar is amazing with apple. Never added spinach, though, so many thanks to /u/Delanium for my next snack adventure.

My dog is allergic to chicken and rice. Have you any idea how many dog treats contain chicken and rice? Effin' allergies, man. Luckily, there is freeze-dried salmon. He loves that shizz.

This thread is great!

Delanium ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:10:11 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Your dog is probably allergic to chicken and grain-- the two most common allergies I see. There's actually a lot of brands that specifically market as grain-free.

Check out Fromm. It's the best-selling food at my store, and one of my go-to reccomendations. They also make treats.

Or Darford. They just make treats, and those treats are doggy crack.

jexx30 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:25:38 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

We feed him a limited ingredient food, the brand is escaping me, but it is whitefish and potato. He smells like a dock. Groooossss. ;)

We did the whole blood workup on him (expensive, but worth it) and funnily enough, he's not allergic to corn or wheat! Just rice and a whole host of other things (environmental, too, which is great fun /s).

I'll have to check out the Darford treats, because his food is on lock-down, but treats are a pain!

Delanium ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:41:58 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Whitefish and potato.... Natural Balance, perhaps? (Fromm has a whitefish and potato formula, fyi wink)

I had to do the whole workup on my Dalmatian. Dalmatians have all the health problems. He's allergic to basically everything except for duck.

If you do feed Natural Balance, they have treats as well.

sliceofsal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:39 on March 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Oh man, that sucks! Usually I recommend lamb/rice based food to people whose animules have allergies. They're usually pretty bland with minimal ingredients and the novelty protein source seems to have fewer reactions. But obviously that doesn't work for your poor doggo!

For my pup, her 'treats' are just pieces of kibble put in her 'special' treat pouch. Because she's not receiving them at meal time, she gets super excited about them.... Then again, she gets super excited about food 24/7, anytime and anywhere.

Out of curiosity, is yours a Pit? They seem to be one of the breeds very susceptible to food allergies, but mine lucked out somehow. Which is good, because she is 150% a trash can with legs. When the shelter gets treats that NOBODY will touch due to taste/smell, they send them home with me because they know mine will eat them.

jexx30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:31 on March 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Naw, he's a Boston Terrier, but the bully breeds (pitties, bostons, boxers, etc) all seem to have similar issues with skin allergies and tumors, so food allergies might as well roll up in there, huh? LOL

Don't feel too bad for my spoiled doggo, he gets cod skins and freeze-dried salmon on the reg. And his "brother" (an unrelated Boston we picked up later) gets the exact same diet and seems perfectly happy.

What is really sad, actually, is that until we got the results from the allergy test, we were feeding him boiled chicken and rice, because that's the commonly accepted least upsetting food! D'oh! It's all good now, of course, but boy did I feel bad about that when we got the tests back. 7 (?) years later, he's still farting and stealing the covers. I expect he'll outlive me, prolly. (Not really, but he's awfully sturdy)

innieandoutie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:19 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Fromm is two of my kitties favorite, beef lavatini specifically. I find it funny that most days my cats eat better than I do.

kwidem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:06:45 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I read it the same way. Isn't that ironic? Don'tcha think?

TheCuriousAquarist ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:24:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Sorry if this sounds rude but how old are you? Because $11 (I assume USD?) an hour seesms really low. Are wages in the US really that bad?

Syllepses ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:30:47 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Yes. The federal minimum is barely over $7.

[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:37:29 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

TheCuriousAquarist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:22 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

That is ridiculous, do you get any benefits or is that it?

Ralph_Charante ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

He's part time, I'd be shocked if he got any benefits.

epicflyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

It really depends on the state. The federal min wage is like 7 or 8 usd, but states can have different minimum wage, and companies vary wages by competition as cost of living. When I worked retail I was making 11 an hour (which I eventually left because the pay didn't match the workload), but that was in California which is a really expensive place to live. My friend is still in retail and his current job started at $15 (selling running shoes).

Minkymink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:50 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Try the $8/hr my gas station job gets me :/

RefuseToFade ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:08:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Chicken allergies are sorta common IME.... Three pets at my house have that (2 cats and 1 dog). Blue Buffalo makes a simple diet kind of kibble that is fish & potato flavored.

It smells awful but apparently tastes good. Petsmart sells it. It's on the high side, but worth not having a cat pull out their fur cause they're itchy ๐Ÿ˜ข

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:13:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

That sounds just like what I need! This is a new(ish) allergy diagnosed about a month ago, because hey! Kitty was indeed pulling out his itchy fur. If it's at Petsmart, I'm going to hazard a guess it's cheaper than what the vet wants to sell me.

KaliRaven ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:54:00 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I would actually avoid Blue Buffalo for the time being. They're going through a major lawsuit and a ton of recalls for mislabeling their ingredients which caused quite a few deaths. It was all over the news for awhile.

I have two dogs extremely allergic to grain and I feel them Purina Pro Plan with lamb which they love to death. It's expensive as Blue Buffalo ($50 for a 15 lb bag) but they are doing so much better on it, especially my chow chow who we nearly lost over his allergy.

Bil-Jac is also good for grain free food as well. I fed that to my older dogs for years and it's high fat so it makes them plump and happy. :)

Just my two cents.

ImALittleCrackpot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:07 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Blue Buffalo just issued another recall in the last week.

My cat gets Taste Of The Wild. He loves it.

pinklavalamp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The dog I'm watching right now is allergic to chicken. They feed her Acana. (See my profile if you want to see her picture, she's 16 and beautiful!)

KatMonster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:26:35 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You might also look at Royal Canin. We used Blue Buffalo for our cats, but swapped to Royal Canin on our vet's recommendation because BB doesn't do enough research into their formulations to make her happy (she's a major science geek who loves to share knowledge) and one cat has cancer, so we're trying to make sure he gets the most nutrients possible.

We still use BB's walnut shell litter, though, because that helped all the cats. And the RC food isn't much more than BB, especially if we buy it off PetCo's site (or Amazon) where it's often cheaper than in the store.

Bunny_ofDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:59 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

We just stopped getting Blue Buffalo-our vet used to recommend it but now says it's not good.

Apparently Wellness Core is where it's at-and we order from chewie so we don't even have to take whatever flavor our local Petco has. (Picky eaters here.)

Delanium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:14 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm going to sound like a bit of a pet food snob here, but I work with pet food. So.

Avoid Purina Pro Plan, Blue Buffalo, Royal Canin, and Hills Science Diet. I'm just generally not a fan of Purina, Blue Buffalo is super sketchy, and Royal Canin and Hills Science Diet are both reccomended by vets because they get a kickback for it. They're all better than you basic grocery store food, but I still wouldn't reccomend any of them.

I'd reccomend Fromm, Wellness, Solid Gold, or Fussie Cat.

Also, please avoid PetSmart. We... we don't like PetSmart.

End Pet Food Snob Rant

3blkcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'd avoid Blue Buffalo- especially if you suspect chicken allergies. Their food is pretty much all the same basic recipe, with small tweaks. If you look at the guaranteed analysis, chicken is an ingredient in practically all their foods :/

Golden_Spider666 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:56:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

My step sister is actually one of those crystal nut jobs. I love her but girl those are just rocks. They were formed over centuries of pressure from most likely carbon. There's nothing magical about them. But it's all mr placebo helping. I think everything and anything caffeine is actually more placebo than actual caffeine

showmeurknuckleball ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:14:21 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I once saw a guy perform reiki on a dog. All I'll say is that the dog was running around the room from person to person and when the guy started the dog laid down on its side and stayed totally still for like 15 minutes while he was doing whatever he was doing. Idk if I "believe" in reiki, but dogs can't pretend so that was wild.

jesusinapram ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:13:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

He made the dog relax. Ta-da.

squidhats ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:49:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I did reiki training a few years ago after completing massage school. There's a certain tingling feeling I get in my hands and feet when I'm consciously doing reiki. I haven't regularly practiced on anyone in the years since I did the training; however, most pets of friends that I encounter will come to me pretty quickly. They either get in my lap or sit on my feet and pull the reiki for themselves which causes me to notice the immediate, strong tingling feeling that seems to come out of nowhere.

Not trying to convince anyone of anything, just something I've noticed.

Mostly_me ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:54:59 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I've been thinking of doing the course and this comment has just made me decide I will!

AlexandrinaIsHere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:44:58 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Not to highjack- but natural balance makes nice pet food, and the L.I.D. branding is the limited ingredient diets they do for allergens.

My cat is allergic to grains of some sort (don't know which as I can't think cats need them) and a bitch about stealing human food if she gets bored. She loves all their foods and runs full speed for the rabbit meat treats- and shes over ten.

Natural balance, taste of the wild, and some varieties of blue wilderness are very allergen friendly. You can feed your cat venison!

Fuck I have a fever and am probably weird. Hope your cats ok.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:23:53 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you for the suggestions! The comments here have been more useful than the vet handing me off their expensive food, haha. I will be looking into alll of the food recommendations.

trisarahtops19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:56:11 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Hey! Hopping on this comment to ask - how did you find out your cat was allergic to chicken? My poor guy has been extra sneezy for months (especially at meal time); the vet just keeps giving antibiotics and insisting he needs super duper expensive scans to solve the problem. I'm wondering if he's just allergic to something in his food...

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:21:17 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

My kitty wasn't sneezing so much as he was licking himself all. the. time. He developed "hot spot" sores on the back of his legs and nearly licked his stomach bald. :( Took him to several different vets who all said different allergies -one insisted it was plastic and oh my gosh removing plastic-based items he'd be exposed to (even the litter box) was the worst. But nothing changed after that, so it was pointless. Another suggested a flea allergy, but he's indoors one-hundred percent of the time and I'm not around other animals with fleas, and even after the flea treatments for kitty and the house...nothing changed. So this new vet suggest the chicken/poultry allergy, offers expensive food, and hey, it seems to be helping! So definitely ask about that as a potential source for allergies, or get a second vet opinion, but hopefully you won't need a third.

Skitzette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:57 on April 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Sorry to butt in here, but you just said animal reiki? That's like those "massages" where instead of an actual massage they send in mystical magical energy beams to do all the work? And they're doing it on animals? Oh man, I bet you get some real intelligent pet owners coming in for that service. How's it doing? Haha.

wish_i_was_scandi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:16:39 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Sounds yum. I always eat pears with cheese.

"A pear without cheese is like a hug without a squeeze"

Knowing that, I can't just eat a pear now... it seems weird.

QuillVance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:14:31 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

To be fair the best food for getting rid of worms is whiskey. Create a toxic environment for them. You woulf have to consume a lot. The second best is to eat about half a cigarette. Again creating a toxic environment for them.....

tigress666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:52 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

There are medications for worms that you can buy in pet stores (and are fine if you've seen the worms and know what your pet has). I've never had people ask what food gets rid of worms. I kinda have the opposite problem. People wanting to buy worming medication for vague symptoms that could be a lot of things cause they are hoping they are magic pills that will solve the problem without the price of a vet visit. Worst I had was one that insisted on buying roundworm medication for tapeworms because it was cheaper despite me telling her it doesn't matter if it is cheaper if you pay money for something that will do nothing for the problem.

dedservice ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:14:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

11$ is barely above minimum wage where I live...

Daeurth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Where I live, it is minimum wage.

Two-Tone- ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 06:06:46 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Inorite

Is that some sort of magic crystal? /s

the_seraphim ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:24:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Now hold on a minute, you think an empath can't learnt to mask their own emotions?

If you think facebook privacy is a concern, imagine how serious psychics take things

Yuzumi ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:50:36 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

There is no possible way I could keep a straight face in a job like that.

Hell, I had a hard time doing that working at a regular old grocery store.

Solokian ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:54:44 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Wait, 33 hours per week is part-time? $11/hour is actually not that bad a salary? This is just... Man you guys have it hard.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:29:42 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This is what I went to graduate school for. /s

GuruLakshmir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:02 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Did you actually go to graduate school? If yes, what did you go for?

I_was_once_America ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:12:36 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

So how much for a magic plate?

jennster76 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:05:29 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're the real MVP for taking care of your folks and then going to work in retail. I did the same thing. Its not for sissies.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:02 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Aw thanks. I do what I have to, considering all they've done for me, and my siblings live on the other side of the country. /fistbumpofresponsibilitysolidarity

klawehtgod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:14:17 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Are you activating your almonds?

keepinithamsta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:02:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Your mutant power is bullshitting. You're like the professor x of bullshitting.

C21H27Cl3N2O3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:27 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I hear Mercury (II) is great for making you one with the universe.

GingerOnTheRoof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:20:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I mean if they drink acid they'll get their daily dose of positive ions

SirKaid ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:36:24 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

If... if one were actually an empath... wouldn't they be able to sense another empath?

Not that I particularly want to defend new age woo, but empath =/= telepath. The first is someone who can sense emotions, the second is someone who can sense thoughts. Being able to feel the emotions of others (and presumably the environment, friggin' new age nonsense...) doesn't mean that you can detect others who can also sense emotions. A telepath could theoretically detect other telepaths by hearing them think about what others were thinking, but feeling outside emotions wouldn't reflect in your personal emotions in a way that was discernible from someone who is just normally (non-psychic-nonsense) empathetic.

Source: comics and science fiction novels.

Cheesemacher ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 10:08:21 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

But if you were psychic-nonsense empathetic you might notice someone tuning into your emotional state when they get in range.

SirKaid ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:31:11 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Can a radio tower detect when a radio receiver is within range? That's basically what an empath is, an emotional spectrum radio receiver. Passive detection systems are functionally invisible.

Cheesemacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:34 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm assuming here that an empath is not just a robotic receiver. You literally feel other people's emotions, you don't only know them. Someone feels sad and you feel sad for them - even more strongly than regular empathy since you feel their feelings more intimately.

Well I mean depending on what kind of fictional universe we're thinking of here.

Arokthis ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 21:57:03 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

If... if one were actually an empath... wouldn't they be able to sense another empath?

It totally depends on both person's shields, walls, barriers, dampeners, and power levels.

  • Shields prevents crap getting in. Walls prevent crap getting out. (Different jobs require different thought processes, so they need different names.)

  • Barriers keep crap from getting to you in the first place. They can be physical (pendants, crystals, "stuff" in the way) or mental (integrated with your shields or a separate process) or a combination of the two.

  • Dampeners reduce crap's strength. Usually they are internal (not letting the thought/emotion happen or clamping down on it when it does) but external ones can be combined barriers.

  • Someone with weak broadcast abilities wouldn't be noticed by someone with weak receiving abilities.

Delanium ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 22:12:28 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I don't... I don't know if you're being serious... and I don't want to offend you...

[deleted] ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 22:31:08 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This is all basic tabletop game stuff. You even forgot your dice! Get with the program! (Not kidding https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psionics_(role-playing_games))

itsableeder ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:45:48 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The comment immediately made me want to crack out my old Dark Sun boxed set. The fact that it was serious is kind of disappointing.

[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:16:06 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Same here only I was remembering a different game. :)

Arokthis ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:23:14 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm quite serious.

The last part of your comment actually made me chuckle a bit. I don't take offense very easily. One small good thing about Asperger's.

Delanium ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:28:31 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Well, I'm glad I made you chuckle! :)

Yuzumi ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 01:55:23 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Oh no, I'm all for offending people who actually thing that crap. I lump them in with anti-vaxers and climate change deniers.

[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:02:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

They aren't necessarily harming people or the environment though

CactusCustard ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:06:34 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

And I usually find they're actually insanely nice, chill and courteous people. I don't buy into all the energy stuff myself, but someone that does is always about the positive vibes, and acceptance. Of course there's crazies but thats just the human condition. They're hurting far far less than anti-vaxxers or climate change deniers.

Beverlydriveghosts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:16:17 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm not huge intro crystals and stuff. I think they're really pretty but that's about it. But what you said does make a bit of sense and it's really interesting.

NerdyNinjaAssassin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:22:24 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Okay so empaths are not what she thinks it is. It's just being more sensitive to others and their emotions. Like other people's emotions can effect yours.

whalesauce ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:49:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Ya kind of how when your SO walks into a room and you know somethings bothering them. Like that, except every human has this capability and there's nothing magical or mystical about it.

LyricalWillow ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:59:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Exactly. I'm an empath but all it means is I more easily pick up on another's emotions. I think I'm just better at reading subtle body language and voice inflection cues. There's nothing magical or mystical about it at all.

Osiris32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:45 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

OP is Deanna Troi.

JDeEnemy ยท 376 points ยท Posted at 21:56:59 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I think I found one of your customers. I had a loony that I provided tech support for. She said her computer had bad energy. So the dumb lady opens the case and pours a magnetic powder all over the inside. Of course she didn't tell me she did that when she opened a ticket for her entire system being fried.

skiing123 ยท 171 points ยท Posted at 02:05:56 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Magnetic powder inside a computer? I'm curious would it immediately make a spark or until you turn it on

Questions...

Hey mom! Can I borrow your computer?

JDeEnemy ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 02:07:24 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

No sparks afaik. She tried to turn it on and it wouldn't. The hard drive, mobo, ram and power supply were all shot.

aitigie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:45:13 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Depends where it got! If she managed to short out the power rails, things wouldn't be great. Especially if things like data lines were suddenly connected to the 12V line!

pinklavalamp ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:48:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Well I feel that there's a lot of overlap with /r/talesfromretail and /r/talesfromtechsupport.

JDeEnemy ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:52:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

There's a reason I sub to both ;) when you have a part time job doing computer repair at a storefront, and a full time job at a white collar IT job, you see a few things.

blacksoxing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:56 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I do dual sub because it's fun seeing retail folks complain about crappy customers, and tech folks complain about crappy clients.

I've dealt with both before so I get to enjoy both worlds

Portlander ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:12:25 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Try r/talesfromyourserver

RubbelDieKatz94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:40 on September 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Dear Reddit, today the sysadmin updated me to Windows Server 2016...

Kakita987 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:13:19 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I feel sometimes like I know enough to really screw some tech things up (I once deleted my OS on my laptop, then it wouldn't install Win7 from my full version disc). Then I read stories like yours and realize how capable I actually am, most of the time.

lolTyler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:26:20 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I have one of these. Anything issue she encounters is immediately a "power beyond her control." I also hear a lot of, "I don't know how this happened" even though she's a "bonafide psychic."

stopaclock ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:21:58 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

OMG. Was working in a shop once and had a woman tell me, with a completely straight face, that she had a headache "from poisoning myself with the computer energy. I'm not usually around computers and being around it too much yesterday, its energy poisoned mine and that's why I have a headache."

I was unable to think of anything that would alter the computer's energy to avoid poisoning her in the future, but that was mostly because it was taking all my strength not to laugh outright.

JonWood007 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:50:41 on April 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

People who believe this stuff really aren't the smartest people in the room.

Seriously, if your computer has bad energy, you probably need a new power supply...or maybe a BIOS update if you're running kaby lake.

lindsaylbb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Is it restorable? Or maybe a great way to wipe the data on the run?

JDeEnemy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:27 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

A hammer does a much much better job.

MulberryPurple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:49 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This can be its own post over /r/talesfromtechsupport. Please please tell me you'll write one!

reebeaster ยท 215 points ยท Posted at 23:32:06 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I love how this was written and I love how deftly you avoided her sweaty boob crystals.

Belazriel ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 05:45:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

BB: "I bought these at Another New Age Store last week." I nod. BB: "But they're not giving off any energy."

"Hmm....I have heard that Another New Age Store was harvesting the energy from their crystals before selling them. It's a despicable practice but it could explain why they're able to sell them so cheaply."

KeyserSuzi ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 22:27:52 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

My mum puts crystals in her bra too. I've tried telling her not to - what happens if she falls over? She's pretty well endowed (we're talking like a J cup) and they'd get embedded! Thankfully I don't think she gets them out and tries to show people (the crystals or other bra contents). I thought she was just being weird, but maybe someone is actually telling them to do this?

Kattrali ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 01:40:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

That sounds very uncomfortable for long periods of time.

SuchACommonBird ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 02:28:06 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Nothing like crystal chaff to get them chakras a-flowin'

LumpyShitstring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:49 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Not more uncomfortable than a bra though.

AliasAurora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:37:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

It'd only be uncomfortable at first, then you'd get used to it and you wouldn't feel it at all.

squidhats ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 23:37:21 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

We sell crystals at my work as well. Crystals in the bra is a wayyyy more common thing than you'd think.

Beverlydriveghosts ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:17:25 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Makes sense being close to your heart and all that. And most crystal stones and completely smooth and small, not like jaggedy knifey Ines that'd be bad

raine_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:46:43 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

If i were wearing a crytal or carrying it with me, I'd want it to be a natural rough crystal, because that's what i think looks better. That said, because I know a lot of people like this, i know that there is actually a reason to have tumbled/polished stones when you believe all this - tumbled stones generally radiate whatever "energy" they have in a soft, diffuse way, while a natural crystal will send it more strongly in alignment with the crystal structure.

gingersnapper42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:41 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I don't know if I'd want rough cut quartz in such a sensitive area..

It sheds little shards that feel like microscopic glass pieces that you can't get out.

Myotherdumbname ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:34:17 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Pretty brave telling Reddit that your Mom has J cup breasts

[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:10:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

itsableeder ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:47:16 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

...have you ever broken both your arms?

Morkai ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 09:08:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Goddamit...

EvryMthrF_ngThrd ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:05:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I feel a disturbance...

Slamdutch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:18 on June 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're an empath aren't, you?

Old_but_New ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:27:31 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I had no idea this was a thing. I assumed BB had shoplifted said crystals during this encounter.

Buorky ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 01:56:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I can't stand eating out because of all the collected energies in the silverware, it really gives me indigestion

I hate to think what actual medical condition is going untreated because this person thinks her chakras are out of balance.

dcommini ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 03:22:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I had a buddy who supposedly could feel the energies stored in things like silverware. Sometimes said energies would supposedly mess with him and he'd react like he was shocked. I loved messing with him and pretending to push my will into an object just to watch him jump when he touched it. What a dork.

banned_accounts ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:14:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Subscribe

Ryanguy7890 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:37:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Hypochondria.

heimdahl81 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 07:13:05 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I have a good friend that is into a bunch of this new age/magic stuff and he is a bit of a hypochondriac. One of my theories is that some people have a slightly stronger placebo effect for some reason. They can make themselves sick by worrying about getting sick. Then they use things like crystals or magic spells to trick themselves into believing they are cured.

whalesauce ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:52:02 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

My MIL is like this. I had shingles about 8 weeks ago. And she came over with colloidal silver and magic crystals to help me feel better........ it worked so well I'm blown away and currently changing all my world views as a result /s

shadelz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:59 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Is...is that sarcasm?

YodaFan465 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:38:19 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

what actual medical condition is going untreated

No cure for stupidity, son.

Zaliack ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Well we had one, but Hitler gave it too much bad press.

Shantotto11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:56 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I disagree. Both books and/or death seem to cure stupidity quite impressively...

ThatGuyInPink ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:39:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Unless you're reading books about the dangers of scientific healthcare and the benefits of healing crystals.

AskMrScience ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 08:24:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

My vote is "lactose intolerance". Just try to find something at the Olive Garden that isn't drenched in cheese, butter, or cream sauce...

EvryMthrF_ngThrd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:06:36 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The silverware?

mrsmunson ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:17:35 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I doubt she's eating only silverwear.

EvryMthrF_ngThrd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The napkins too?

[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:48:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Staticus faticus

outlawpickle ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 03:31:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I nod understandingly.

A true professional.

Laringar ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 02:01:23 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Yeah, never trust anything stored in Fort Knockers.

[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:04:54 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I just spit out coffee. LOL

FDMaximumEffort ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 01:16:19 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

With such fantastic on-the-fly tall tales like that, have you considered a career in hospitality?

Shantotto11 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:26:54 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Or the presidency?...

bacchus238 ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 02:05:05 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Why should I pay more for a giant diamond when it is the same type of stone as a smaller one! UGH!

m0nkeybl1tz ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:38:06 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Exactly. "Why is this thing I desire more expensive than this thing I don't?" Uhhh because it's more desirable?

tigerpouncepurr ยท 152 points ยท Posted at 01:52:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Please Please PLEASE have a blog. I want to read all about your encounters with the crystal crazies.

Hipstershy ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 08:00:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

OP pls be the hero this subreddit needs

Kattrali ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 01:38:58 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Hahaha I love these stories! I need more, OP!

I can't stand eating out because of all the collected energies in the silverware, it really gives me indigestion. Especially at the Olive Garden, since it's right by the senior home

I love having entirely too much pasta and unlimited breadsticks too and don't feel the greatest afterward. I should've known I was an empath!

JackTheCaptain ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:04:40 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Bro. I worked as a doorman at various bars for 7 years. The amount of moist ID cards that got handed to me was insane.

And girls wondered why i wore leather gloves.

Gneissisnice ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 06:50:46 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

As a mineral guy, I would definitely never be able to do what you do.

I wouldn't be able to stop myself from being like "you felt no energy because crystals do not emit energy. See, rose quartz is SiO2 with some manganese impurities. It does nothing with energy but it's pretty."

More power to you for staying professional.

naw1423 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:11:39 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Unless I'm horribly mistaken, it is possible for crystals to emit energy. It's electricity, and it requires mechanical stress, but it's energy nonetheless. I am, of course, talking about Piezoelectricity. Quartz crystals are used in things like watches because of their piezoelectric properties. I don't think you would notice the crystal emitting energy because of how small the amount released is, but if you did, it would probably be some sort of uncomfortable tingling sensation.

Gneissisnice ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:51:16 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I was actually going to mention that as the exception and then decided against it, haha.

naw1423 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:36:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

It's a cool concept that kind of stuck with me from a physics class years ago. It's not really practical for large-scale power generation, but it is widely used in clock circuits and some other things. I think you can sometimes see the electricity generated if you crush the right minerals in a dark room. Now I want to find videos of this.

Gneissisnice ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:47:21 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Yep, commonly used in watches. As far as I know, it's only quartz that does it and it does have small applications, but it's not something you're ever going to notice in a hand sample with pressure applied by your hand or something.

twinnedcalcite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:46 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Lets not hurt their brains with science now.

uncomfortable tingling sensation.

Ah smokey quartz. The darkness comes from radiation damage.

twinnedcalcite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:56 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Wonder if the crystal had gneiss cleavage...

I so want my work to carry something made out of sodalite... It would be sodaliteful.

McGondy ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 08:56:38 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

There's a small minority who also seem to view their bras as magical extra pockets in which they can store money,

Yes

their license,

Uhuhh..

their credit cards,

With ya...

and their crystals.

Their what nows?

prima_diastema ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 01:52:34 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This was so well written! Loved it!

So. From what little I know of crystals, you need to cleanse them once you buy/acquire them (run them under the tap to drain any negative energy), recharge them (by moonlight/sunlight - I think sunlight bleaches dyed quartz), they are more effective when worn close to the skin, and to never let someone else handle your personal crystals.

So there's a reason if ever you needed one! And yuk, I'm with you on this.

And you can then go on to instruct Betty in how to properly "care" for her crystals. Perhaps a comment about how negativity leeches into the crystal might jolt her subconscious... but if she's relying on a piece tumbled quartz to compensate for her misery, she may be unreachable.

[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:13:42 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

whalesauce ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:12:16 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Recently we've started offering crystal implants for this exact reason!

Tell me this isn't a real thing.

EvryMthrF_ngThrd ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:11:56 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Never underestimate the depths of human stupidity... or the profitability of monetizing it. Just ask the ghost of P.T. Barnum. "This way to the Egress.", indeed. ;)

gingersnapper42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You can also just smudge the hell out of them with sage.

Light a sage bundle, set said bundle in a cauldron, or any other flame proof vessel.

Set crystals in with burning sage for about a minute, then pull them out of the container, and set on cleansed surface.

At least, that's how my lazy ass Pagan self does it.

Madfall ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:48:13 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

"Sweaty Boob Crystals" r/bandnames

ConstantGradStudent ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:27:24 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you for chapter 7 of your novel about your day job adventures in working as a faux empath, while being a real hacker crime fighter. Tell me when the rest comes out. Great natural style - reminds me of Jim Butcher of the Dresden Files.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:27:48 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you! This and other comments are making me seriously consider putting up a blog. If I do so, I will share!

snallygaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:36 on April 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Please do, I'd read the hell out of it. Can't get enough New Age woo stories.

edit: Or you could wait until Reddit releases their new profile feature and post 'em there. btw it looks like TPTB here have been silently removing most of your stories for some reason.

feistymatchstick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I agree - very Jim Butcher!

UndeadKitten ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:35:42 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Whatever it takes to not touch sweaty boob crystals.

I love this line so much. Thank you! Its going on my Reddit sampler.

WrenDraco ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 06:53:34 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

So many of these scenarios could be avoided if women's clothes had a reasonable number of pockets.

DearDarlingDearling ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 12:51:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Or any at all. It's goddamned ridiculous that women's pants often don't have pockets or super tiny pockets that barely fit anything.

[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 13:01:59 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Or worse...pants that have pockets but they're SEWN SHUT.

It's why I wish I looked good in cargo pants...because they're pants literally made of a bunch of giant pockets.

gingersnapper42 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:51:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I know, right.

It's freaking irritating to have to take a seam ripper to a brand new pair of pants, because I can't use the pockets!

necriavite ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:28:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This reminds me of something that happened to my sister. When she was a clerk at the only liquor store in our small town (which is a major tourism destination owing to beautiful beaches and nature) she would have long lines of people coming from the beach buying liquor. One day a woman we know who is super hippy-dippy is at the counter ready to purchase. She is wearing a thong bathing suit bottom and an open weave crochet bra top. You can see everything, including the cash she has tucked in her top when my sister rings her up she tries to pay with sweaty gross money and my sister flat out tells her "I am not touching your sweaty boob money." The woman gets offended but my sister doesn't budge. Since its a small town you cant risk offending some people, like the only liquor store in town (if you ever want to buy from them again).

[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:23:24 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[removed]

edcellwarrior ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:53 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I used to work at an amusement park at one of the game stands. It's incredible how many customers would pay with boob-money (but none dropped crack bags that I remember)

eViLegion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:32:04 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I accidentally dropped a small block of hashish into the hands of a cashier when I accidentally fumbled it out of my pocket with my cash.

I looked like a startled deer in the headlights, he just smiled and asked "I assume you'd like this back?".

Scherazade ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:44:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Honestly I wish magic crystals were still in popular vogue. While there's still shops like you describe most I've encountered seem to be aware they're silly mysticism for tiny pieces of polished schist.

Did you sell coloured candles too? I remember a place that catered to our local spookier teens. Black candles (for general non-standard-candle ritualism) , red candles (for love or death), candles that if you melted away the wax it revealed a skull-engraved tin ring (for gothik as fuck wedding proposals yah), candles with engraved futhark that translates to gibberish (coz runes iz magick), candles in Welsh that translates to 'enter your text here' or some equivalent (oherwydd mae nhw yn lazy fel foc, ia.)

mischiffmaker ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:43:14 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Some of these people may possibly be crows in disguise. I don't put anything past customers these days.

That made me lol! Fortunately I'd already swallowed the coffee, so my keyboard is fine.

My goodness, that story was supposed to end with a wad of sweat-soaked bills or a desire for an unwarranted discount. Loved the ending, and keep that positive energy going, lol!

[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:29:52 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

Pdan4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:48:22 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Superbugs!

[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:38 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

Forever_Awkward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:07 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

No, seriously. Stop that. What you're doing is pretty much the same as kids on a playground going "circle circle dot dot, now you've had your cootie shot", except it's contributing to real problems. Bad problems.

If you need to do a placebo ritual to feel cleaner, please choose one which isn't contributing to a doomsday scenario.

ZombieHoratioAlger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:11 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

What were they taking about? The comment has been deleted.

whalesauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:08 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I would also like to know the gist of what this wacko said.

Syagrius ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:24:42 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

you just never know when someone has been feeling up their boob crystals before going shopping.

/r/nocontext

LunchboxFP ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:38:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Sorry that you have to deal with so many nut jobs.

That being said, this was insanely entertaining.

equusoddball ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:10:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This is hilarious. In love your droll humor in this story. Keep it up!

Almaironn ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:00:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You mentioned that you lied about metaphysical and otherworldly experiences to get the job, does that mean that the owner, your colleagues, etc. are legit crazy like the customers? Because I just had a thought that what if they're all pretending like you, but nobody knows about the others.

[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:17:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The place by my house doesn't accept returns on their crystals because of personal energy or something. I thought it was because people would try and return them when they don't do anything, but maybe it's actually because they don't do anything and are covered in boob sweat.

pl222 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:44:59 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

this story was both a horror and a joy but I have to say, I'm jealous as all get out about your job, haha. where are yall located?

Anon_Alcoholc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:36:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Working in a liquor store now and got this one lady who's not a regular but who comes around every once in a while and isn't hard to miss when she does. She's huge, nasty looking and steals or at least tries to. She also likes to pull cash out of her bra too, few days ago she pulled a 50 out of it and instead of touching it I took a pen and moved it towards the register and just gave her her change back, don't think she was too happy that I refused to touch her boob money.

[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:50:20 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm guilty of stashing my debit card in the side of my bra at work or quick trips to the store so I don't have to bother with a purse/wallet..but I'd never keep anything in there that someone else had to touch

skiing123 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:08:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

What if you go to a store that requires them to take it or the card reader is down?

Do you tell them or ignorance is bliss?

probablyhrenrai ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:33:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Honestly, unless the card is sweaty I'd have no issue with it; I figure hands touch a lot more germs than boobs, and I've got no problem shaking hands with people.

[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:56:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I just make direct eye contact as I fish it out of my bra

FitzGeraldisFitzGod ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:27:52 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I know you're joking, but I used to have to deal with customers like that all the time (yay boardwalk!), and now I'm uncomfortable all over again.

[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:25:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

nick_locarno ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:29:22 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

True story: I was briefing an undersecretary of defense in an embassy. A friend had just paid me back $5 and I had no where to put it so in my bra it went as I ran off to the briefing. Dude is looking at me strangely at one point. When I leave I realize the 5 bucks is poking it's way out of my shirt....

GuruLakshmir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm not well endowed enough for that

gabelance1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:17 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Username checks out.

Jiketi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:58:12 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

All the energy of those old folks can really mess up your system.

I wonder how she will be received after she retires; or maybe she won't survive because she ingested one too many crystals.

TransgenderPride ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:44 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This sounds like a job where you must have some hysterical interactions.

Have any conversations in particular stuck out?

BobT21 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:52:52 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Sounds a lot like my conversations with my wife. She keeps her bedside alarm clock face down, so Alien Reptile Overlords can't use it to read her mind. She told me "You should know all about that! After all, you are an electrical engineer!"

kittamiau ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:34:23 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

She sounds beautiful

CureVylash ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:45:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

the very nature of the place you work is utterly confusing to me, OP

FuegoPrincess ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:17:54 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Apparently you're not actually supposed to let other people touch your crystals, in regards to this kind of "view," haha. I think it has to do with taking in the negative energy of others if I'm not mistaken. Either way, if boobie gems ever shows up again, tell her this!

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:24:40 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Oo, thanks for the tip. I will totally tell her this the next time I see her.

oatmealfairy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:46:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This puts my regulars, "Bra Money" and her daughter, "Baby Bra Money" to shame.

that_ginger927927 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:04:35 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I cracked up when I read the "energies in the silverware" giving her indigestion at Olive Garden... she sure it's the silverware that gave her indigestion, or could it possibly be the Chicken Parmesan? ๐Ÿ˜‚

QueenAlpaca ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:51:53 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

crystals

energies

ions

Wtf is this loonie bin

InfiniteSovereignty ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:30:32 on July 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[Speech 100] I'm not comfortable touching another person's...crystals. Especially when they've been so close to you. The uh...energy, you see. It'll mess up my own.

[PASSED] Oh. OH. Oh my goodness, you're an empath, aren't you! I completely understand! I'm one too, and I can't stand eating out because of all the collected energies in the silverware, it really gives me indigestion. Especially at the Olive Garden, since it's right by the senior home? All the energy of those old folks can really mess up your system.

cutelittledeadpeople ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:25:19 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Man, I'm Wiccan and I frequent new age stores, but I still think most of those people are lunatics. Good on you for putting up with all that crazy, OP.

sighs__unzips ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:44:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

TIL people buy energy crystals.

thesnootylamb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:55:12 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Please write more stories if you have them! Your writing style is enjoyable to read!

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:22:29 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Thank you! There are lots of stories, so I try to write at least one down a week

DoccieDraaiorgel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:02:54 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

A sale on plates that energise food

That sounds like some form of radium plate!

[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:00:53 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

uh, if she were to be Christina Hendricks id eat those crystals and then kill myself because I wouldn't be able to top that.

DoctorTacoPHD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:34:27 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're a great writer, felt like I was there haha

[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:54:54 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

What the actual fuck

I can't just can't process what the fuck?

[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:45:55 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Bland smiles, promptly balking. You're a great storyteller and I appreciate this.

MrMoustachio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:57:53 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm just amazed stores like this exist.

_LuckyDucky_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:21:25 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Bravo for the mental gymnastic ability that had you come up with that reasoning! Bravo!!!

showcase25 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:45:24 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

and the other employees have an average typing speed 20 WPM combined

Damn.

and because I'm a chump for applying for this job in the first place.

Sounds like you needed money and felt like you knew you'll get hired here. Some more survival-like than chump-like

Check_Its ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:00:52 on May 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

She shouldn't complain about the price of that Rose Quartz. They're very strong, strong enough to shatter my diamond your diamond Pink Diamond!

MattieLou ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:06:30 on July 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

it really gives me indigestion. Especially at the Olive Garden

TIL I'm an empath...

f0rmality ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:25:54 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm Canadian, in Toronto which is pretty progressive, going to college with a bunch of hipsters, and have literally never heard of crystal energy.

Is this like a super-hipster thing only in San francisco or something?

Am I just way out of touch?

Are these crystals actual stones? Why do people think they give off energy? So many questions running through my mind here

anclwar ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:36:13 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Crystals are "new age" which is a term that mashes hippies and Wiccans under one broad umbrella. It has nothing to do with hipsters. It's been around for decades. My mom has been doing crystal work since at least the 80s.

f0rmality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:18 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Got it, thanks for the info

polarbear128 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:41:15 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're conflating hipsters and hippies.

f0rmality ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:56:55 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

No I know the difference I just assumed it'd be a new hipster thing not a hippie thing

Zagaroth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:40:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Yeah, crystals and healing energies go back at least to the 60's.

twinnedcalcite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:39:09 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Oh we have them in Toronto. If you go to gem and mineral shows you will find some but number of people from the mining industry and geology do kinda keep it calm.

My parents met a couple from Barrie that believe in these things... it's strange.

Hail-and-well-met ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:47:08 on March 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Haha what a great story! I worked in a grocery store and was forced to touch many a sweaty boob dollar in my day. Also sweaty butt dollars from labor workers who put cash in their back pockets.

TonySPhillips ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:24:27 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

At least it was in their back pocket, and not shoved down their underwear.

outlawpickle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:35:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I once saw a man pull cash out of his ass cheeks. I was horrified and told him to put it back. He just stared at me like a moron with his ass money in his hands. Dude was wearing jeans, too. I dunno, maybe he gets mugged a lot where he lives, but I did not touch his ass money and he just eventually left after a stare-off.

tomastaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:32:13 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I didn't even know people thought crystals giving energy was a thing wtf

Cybersteel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:57:03 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Chaos Emeralds

22taylor22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:32:50 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

What the fuck just happened?

masuabie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:44 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

One of my biggest pet peeves was money drenched in boob sweat. I would happily make it a specticle to show the customer how much I did NOT want to touch it. Maybe I would go grab a few tissues/paper towels and use it as a buffer. Maybe I'd hold it by the corner and immediately ask to wash my hands.

poindexter5221 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:51:28 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Dig those crazy vi-yi-yi-yi-brations, Man!

TippecanoeAndTomba2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:04:06 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Oh, no, not sweat! Especially not fat people sweat!

SociallyAwkwardDirt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:14 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Go you for rock knowledge.

Question: What color were the crystals in her bra? She may be doing more harm than good if it was a Smoky Quartz in there. Radioactive.

twinnedcalcite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:20 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Smoky Quartz only indicates the presence of radioactive material not that it has some within. Though it entirely can happen.

Drak3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:19:14 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

i think BB is the same type of person to think eating a liquid diet for a day or 2 "flushes out the toxins".

[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:23 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Might flush something out.

THE_DOWNVOTE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:26 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Man, I could not deal with selling fucking rocks to people like this. Kudos OP.

pwnedkiller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:14:08 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

So this store sells fancy rocks that women shove down their bras and believe the rocks give off energy?!

BlackJacquesLeblanc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:30:31 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

A good story well told is a thing of beauty and joy.

[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:59:45 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Eeew. That is...oh good lort. I can't even..congrats on managing to not touch the sweaty boob crystals.

bejiguang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:56:13 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

tbh though I would smuggle food out of the dinning commons in my bra all the time. as long as you wear a sweatshirt no one can see the unevenness. also before I had a cell I would smuggle my digital camera into concerts this way.

fungoid_sorceror ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:08:01 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The women who view brassieres as pockets are invariably also rather portly.

lord-rex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:46 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

When dealing with the crystal loving crazies, I just smile and nod. But I'm sure you are well past that, and want to get away from it all

cbhaga01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:00 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Upvoted at "crows in disguise".

BonallaC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:41:11 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I think you're officially a better BSer than I am, well done. This whole story gave me PTSD flashbacks of when I got involved with the local pagan community. SO. MUCH. DRAMAAA. You'd think all those hippies would be more chill.

Adderkleet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:52 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Me: "I'm not comfortable touching another person's...crystals. Especially when they've been so close to you. The uh...energy, you see. It'll mess up my own."

Yeah, that's what I would have said back in my "this crystal makes me feel better" phase.

For anything quartz-based, just tell them to cleanse it (leave it in salty water for a few days), rinse, and then keep on their person. It sounds good, it's not gonna change their colour (it might dissolve some crystals, but not the hard quartz/jasper ones), and you don't have to touch them at all.

If you like the job, and want to sound more confident in what you're selling (you know... so you can appeal from authority better), get a copy of The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall. It's exhaustive, and has an index so you can just reference "flu" or "menstrual pain" and get a few options for the customer.

GoldMidnight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:55 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

And I thought boob sweat money was bad...Thanks for the laugh, but sorry you had to deal with her (and all the other crazies)!

Mndless ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:52 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Good job keeping any semblance of professionalism in a situation like that.

SubtleMockery ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:41:26 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Girls pull money out of their bras all the time at my store. Most of the guys are like "huh huh, boob money yeah", but I hate it. It's like if I grabbed change out of my shoes that I'd been wearing with no socks all day.

crankypants15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:42:19 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Lol. I've read other blogs where pharmacists keep getting damp boob money from large women in the summer. This seems to be a common problem.

NJ_HopToad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:04 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

For future reference if necessary, some folks (my late, very weird mother for one) believe that touching someone else's crystals "contaminates" them and they need to be purified by sitting in water, sunlight, salt, and the light of the full moon. It's a whole ritual.

I just think they're pretty rocks myself.

PotatoVarnishOrigin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:17 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

isnt it... i dunno, illegal (??) to pass off quartz as having healing abilities? seems like that'd be frowned upon.

Bladeruler11 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:04:14 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Well you can go on TV and claim that if people send you money your cancer will go away. sooooo.

Rabid-Duck-King ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:18 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Damp Boob Crystals is now my favorite phrase.

sunabe_sun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:39 on March 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The indigestion couldn't POSSIBLY be from all the acidic tomato sauce she probably chugs down while there. Clearly it's the spoon energy.

MrValithor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:37:28 on September 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

"...and their crystals."

"CRYSTALS."

This is certainly going to be interesting.
SenorCabbage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:28:48 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Bra=over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. According to my father in law

Drak3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:18:22 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

i'm partial to "double-barreled slingshot"

hugedrunkrobot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're a saint. I honestly could not work in a store like that.

Gaggamaggot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:58 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

One hot summer day here in southeast-central Texas, some unwashed clown tried to buy a beer and pack of cigarettes with a wad of damp bills he laboriously dug out of his sock. He seemed upset when I refused to touch his money.

hicctl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:45 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

That behavior sounds lot like Blowjob Betty, and they share the same name, man would THAT be a coincidence. I am not aware though if BB is into new age stuff, but the rest fits perfectly ;)

She is a regular over at /r/justnomil , where people tell stories about their awful inlaws (interestingly almost 100% it's the mother in law, FIL is either enabler, or also bad but no this bad, or they are already divorced). Here some typical stories for BB :

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/5fmq7e/the_future_inlaws_are_staying_at_a_hotel_for/

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/5gcy14/blowjob_betty_called_me_today/

Tommy_Riordan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:57:22 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I went several months stashing a pacifier in my bra when carrying around a nursing baby, but crystals in the bra is just weird.

๐ŸŽ™๏ธ Savannargh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:26:04 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Hey, a boob pacifier is almost as good as the real thing for a baby. So long as you weren't trying to get anyone else to hold it, no judgement here!

BeastOGevaudan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:08 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

MRW...

labretkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:58:31 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Yes, bras are a good storage place. Especially useful if I'm at a concert or gig and want to ensure I definitely don't lose my phone.

But I don't expect anyone else to touch my boob sweat! Ew! :S

Jubilee5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:28 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You write very well. I second the blog idea you actually had me laugh out loud.

Smooth_Talkin_Fucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:00 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Should have administered the Voight Kampff test, OP. That customer definitely sounds like an andy. Also reaching into your bra to take out crystals, money, whatever, is disgusting.

blueeyedangel13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:20 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You're lucky you didn't have to touch it. Customers who pull money out of their bra or lick there fingers and then give you money are incredibly disgusting.

piccolo3nj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:48 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Gold well deserved OP.

Catalystic_mind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:19 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

OMG Boob crystals.... I'm dying... ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

amrak_em_evig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:33 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

The whole "bra as a pocket" thing is disgusting. I don't pull a wad of cash from under my ballsack why would you assume it's OK just because you have some of your genitals on your chest?

mohavewolfpup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:41 on March 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You remember nature company?

ekimera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:59 on May 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Love the way you write

hydrus8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:15 on September 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Did anyone else just imagine she was chewing gum really loudly too?

excelzombie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:13 on March 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

hired me because I lied my butt off about my metaphysical and otherworldly experiences, because I know my way around computers and programs and graphic design and the other...

Arataka Reigen? The greatest psychic of the 21st century and photoshop expert extrodinare? >_>

EchoRenegade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:14 on March 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

You deserve more points

[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:35 on March 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

There's a small minority who also seem to view their bras as magical extra pockets in which they can store money, their license, their credit cards, and their crystals.

I'm not even sure it's a minority, really. I hate doing it... but I've been guilty of it on more than one occasion because woman's clothing has a significant lack of functional pockets and there are certain places I don't always want to carry a purse.

KittenLina ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 00:24:11 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

I'm an empath...

It's incredibly annoying...

[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:47:32 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Dear God.

konamiko ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 00:47:08 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Same. And I don't tell people I know, because they think I'm crazy and consider myself psychic. Like no dude, I can tell that you're feeling off and it makes me feel off; I don't know how many fingers you're holding behind your back.

KittenLina ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 00:52:47 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

Heh yeah there's a very distinct line between them and a lot of people just don't understand.

[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 07:15:56 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

[deleted]

KittenLina ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:10 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

People just don't like empaths, I suppose. Heh.

lovelysilkarria ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 03:11:17 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

This was painful to read.

burlapfootstool ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 03:02:38 on March 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)

So

Anyway

So