If you can't afford a condom, then you really can't afford NOT to have a condom.

Ins(joke)ide

I think you're into something here

Redditors are older than 6?!

Or not.

This is hilarious to imagine

"Was that it?!"

She wants more... I can't say I'm surprised.

Be sure to use chunky, creamy is what got you into the situation in the first place

Once when I was a kid I swabbed my vagina with toothpaste because I was freaked out about getting pregnant.

Plan A

Planit Better

you best hope this baby is allergic to this stuff....

You can say it's... PB!

^{Kill me..}

"What's plan a? Having the kid? That's a terrible plan"

If all else fails, there are 24 other letters in the alphabet.

PB=PB.

Damn, should have figured this out years ago.

I read /u/ContainsAsspartime's name as Contains Ass Part Time. I had to reread it twice.

Its great as lube too

Plan PB

.. and Plan A would be Nutella?

It should be plan A, really.

Plan PB&J

I agree. I thought so too

Make sure you use cash control. You wouldn't want a golden baby to take care of, right?

so is a jolly rancher plan A?

Edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger

Edit 2: OMG another gold, thanks so much stranger, I wish I could repay you good sir

Edit:edit: Front page!!!! OMG you guys are amazing!

Edit:edit;Edit50: IF I get one more downvote I'l legit go dickless for sir michael chik

Goes great with Cheese Pizza

They got it for about..... Tree fiddy.

Plan PB.

A-ha! So that's that one weird trick that doctors hate. Finally, I have closure!

In The Crazy Russian Hacker's accent.

Winnie the Brut, Winnie the Brut, chubby little bubbly all stuffed with foam..

He's Winnie the Brut, Winnie the Brut, willy nilly silly old... Champagne!

Edit: I googled Brut and it's champagne?

Why is that amazing?

An abortion is way more expensive than Plan B, and depending on your situation might not actually be an option.

[deleted]

You'll have to forgive his assholism

aye, just too many close calls from the male perspective. right? girls take pills these days, dudes.... fuck... wait for the childsupport court calls right?

edit: don't post here, just un-sub because it's the default sub you see and it's full of non-info and hyperbole. I'm a warning Canary if nothing else, just GTFO out of here.

Seriously though. When the fuck does the man get a break?

you're calling me up a year later, fighting me in court for you slutting your way around my house and fucking me and my staff? Seriously?

Lets do the DNA test, it's 2016. I want all of your friends to know you're the shit head that tried to blackmail a celeb at this year. Fuckin WEAK! Seriously?! Celebs are getting roasted as you try to tell me your had 4 kids that are mine. Eat shit; you and Martha Stewart, it's 2016 and we have the tech to tell you you're an asshole.

[deleted]

[deleted]

Until I was 19 I thought you couldn't get pregnant if you had sex in a pool. I was super embarrassed when I found out. But I was on birth control when I started having sex at 16 and all through my teenage years.

Edit: I was on birth control I was not birth control

I didn't say teenagers were smart. You wanna know something bad? When I was in high school, there was a boy who, for a week, thought he'd gotten a girl pregnant from kissing.

Teenagers can get them free at health clinics.

Not everywhere.

I mentioned free condoms in a discussion about poor people having children and they got mad at me because I'm forcing such horrific idea of free condoms. Sigh.

Adults can get them free at health clinics.

You must not live in the bible belt.

Most colleges health clinics also give girls Plan B for free, but they have to go in and see a doctor first. Still, its worth it to save 70 bucks. It's just the embarrassment that some girls would feel having to go in for that

True to that.

You haven't ever been poor I see.

This actually makes me a bit sad :(.

LOL Hooks up. Has sex. No bc. Worries next day. Buys Plan B. Repeat following month.

Not sexy at all.

Is your dick under pressure? ^{Um bu bu bum da de}

Artisanal = artisan-made; artesian = natural springs from a confined aquifer.

In my defense my girlfriend is... well let's just say not easy on condoms. We had to stop going to planned parent hood because they couldn't keep up with her and had to buy ones that would snap about 4 minutes in.

Never had this problem with any other woman...

Edit: Holy shit why is this the comment I've made that's blowing up?!

artesian adjective Relating to or denoting a well bored perpendicularly into water-bearing strata lying at an angle, so that natural pressure produces a constant supply of water with little or no pumping

artisan noun [AS MODIFIER] (Of food or drink) made in a traditional or non-mechanized way using high-quality ingredients

Then again, I can understand that artesian condoms that deal with liquid-bearing, naturally-pressured perpendicular boring might be useful. Esp. with little or no pumping.

Only the best for my dick

Yeah I agree what if our dicks are special? Like Oo0o8o0oO and myself have these gigantic cocks that will not fit into the largest size condoms manufactured. What now?

Cartesian condoms

Seriously though, some of us need "anatomically-shaped" ones and they are much harder to come by, and you definitely can't get them for free anywhere.

As many as possible.

Mary isn't a virgin and she guzzled cum for a living

The staff, because you killed them?

A new parent

When did the definition of "monster dong" become "less than average "?

• wad of 100s, innit to winnit

I know a lot of places hand them out for free in England but a lot of them might be geared towards teenagers, like youth clubs and stuff.

I'm sure if you asked at a GUM clinic they'd give out a few.

The 5% includes people who don't use them properly and don't pay attention to the instructions.

Wtf did asia do to you man?

This is totally true, I have 6 kids and ramen solves everything! Daddy I'm cold- put ramen on you, it will make you warm.. Daddy it burns, put cold ramen on it.. They are all healthy and happy!

No amount of facts in the world can disprove this because this is correct.

Source: PhD in Wumbology effective in the estate of /r/ShittyAskScience

Inarguable.

I had a hard week. I just laughed so incredibly hard at this. Thank you.

Well, by time you know a baby needs to go to the bathroom, it's a bit late for ramen...

OMG this comment is amazing. I am currently attaining my masters in Wumbology and I aspire for a PhD. Thank you professor for adding to my knowledge.

Well...I mean you're not wrong...

"stuff its butthole with ramen" hahahahaha

Upvoted for diagram. I totally understand now.

You killed me.

I really would guild you if I had more than $8 in my bank account.

Replace ramen with "play world of Warcraft and deny reality exists" to reach same end result.

Baby needs stimulation? Give it some ramen to play with. Ramen is amazingly versatile.

He's got a pretty good point here.

Tagged as "Ra-Man"

Don't forget to retrieve said ramen from whichever orifice you inserted it into and wash it off under lukewarm water and a little mild soap so that it may be reused for multiple dressings.

your diagram made me /more/ confused.

Solid parenting advice as far as I'm concerned. I'll let you know how my first turns out.

Saving that imgur for when my future kids ask where babies come from

I know you're joking but Forbes disagrees

http://www.forbes.com/sites/halahtouryalai/2012/06/14/have-235000-thats-what-it-costs-to-raise-a-kid-today-before-college/

I'm literally fucking crying right now

Username checks out. Can I be your baby tonight?

R'amen.

This comment has been overwritten by an open source script to protect this user's privacy. It was created to help protect users from doxing, stalking, and harassment.

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Do you know my Mom, because y'all have the same parenting style?

I love you

Do you also practice bird law?

I want to know how up votes it had when the max effort diagram was made

Baby + Ramen = Baby? Doesn't seem quite possible.

Got a regular Naruto over here

Lmfao

Is this you?

Baby + Ramen = Baby

subtract baby on both sides

Ramen = 0

checks out

Thanks for the diagram. It really helped explain things better!

Nice try, ramen PR official.

I found Naruto

So you're a fellow pastafarian then?

Ramen not even once...

/r/evenwithcontext

7/7 post

5/7 with rice

One of those comments that made me laugh more than it should have.... :)

My favorite part about your post is even you double down. Good for you.

[deleted]

All universities in the US I've been to have them for free as well. My current one has free birth control pills as well; I'm not sure if that's standard though.

Too bad they only work like 97% of the time. They should print it on the box!

I used one of the condoms they give out at my school recently. It was unlubed so I think that made it worse, but my bf had a pretty bad reaction to it 😐. Trust me guys, splurge on the good stuff

Also, female condoms are pretty great if you can afford/find them.

All universities in Canada, as far as I know, have free condoms

Also if you're a dude and you tell them you're having high-risk gay sex, they'll give you Hepatitis shots (TwinRix) for free. So that's $180 saved.

The only thing that sucks is that stock condoms are painfully too tight for about the upper ~15% of guys because the most commonly used condom size in the US is sized for a slightly below average sized person. Even though it'll stretch enough to go on, it'll hurt and can even cut off circulation. So for 'large' guys, free condoms don't cut it. For the upper , ~7% (which thank god I'm not part of), you can't even buy condoms in the US that don't hurt because the FDA bans large sized condoms (the ones sold in the US as large are really medium)

Yea but have you tried just pulling out?

And healthier.

They also fit better into babies' butts.

I'd go get them from there but I'm already so awkward I have to use self checkout when I buy them. I think bring raised Catholic had made me ashamed of all that

Not if you go to a Christian school!

Not at Christian schools... I swear the only reason I'm here is they gave me the most money.

Ruscov speaks the truth. I didn't use a condom 4 times.

It has a chance of failure if I recall correctly.

Snip snap snip snap!

From what I gather, most physicians won't perform one unless you're sure you never want any/more kids. It's considered permanent.

With that said, I've heard of successful reversals.

yeah mine is kinda reddish on the other side when i reverse it but i can keep pogs in it which is sweet

Most of the 'reversed' vasectomies come from when the doctor 'snips' but doesn't remove a good length of vas.

You can do a few things:

 ======    ======= #might re-connect magically

 ====         === #probably won't ever re-connect

========&&**&&=== # might let a few strong swimmers through

You should only have a vasectomy if you want to be permanently sterile.

Yes, there are ways to have it reversed but the motility is much lower than pre-cut. I do know several "second-marriage" kids, but for all intents and purposes, it should be considered permanent.

Long time lurker, felt the need to create an account to respond to this. I had a no scalpel vasectomy done 3 weeks ago. My wife and I have two children and a very active sex life (it doesn't have to die after marriage and kids) and decided we were done having children.

While some vasectomies are reversible, there is a much higher failure rate for the reversal than the procedure. Additionally its prohibitively expensive (think up to $15,000) and not covered by the majority of health insurance plans. Therefore, it's considered a permanent operation. Reputable urologists (the ones you want operating on your balls) will generally refuse to do it if you're young, single or childless. Can't speak for every doctor but mine required consent from me and my spouse.

If you're young and just looking to have carefree sex, vasectomy is not the way to get there.

Happy to answer any additional questions anyone may have.

There was a med student (or resident cant remember) who posted: modern vasectomies when done properly and the proper procedure is followed (takes a few months to take full effect) it is ir-reversible and 100% effective.

Vasectomy is done when you don't want children anymore in your life. However, like any other contraceptive stuff, there's a risk of failure. You may still get a pregnancy after a vasectomy, although the risk is incredibly lower than with other contraceptives.

If you change your mind later in your life, you can ask for a reversal. Then surgeons will try to reverse that vasectomy that was intented to be permanent. Success rate are not very good as you can guess. It can suceed, you'll know only when you'll have another pegnancy though.

Source : Me, resident, although in my country vasectomies are very rare.

Very painful, expensive and time consuming

God decides which sperm gets the egg. If she gets knocked up this time, it was God's plan all along. (Do I really need /s ?)

Not always. It's a bad choice to make if you know you want kids.

[deleted]

Coitus interruptus

That sounds like a Harry Potter cock-blocking spell.

Good thing there's no such thing as HIV.

If you don't want kids ever? Than like OP said.

Dude, getting a vasectomy reversed cost around $20k and it's an elective procedure. Plus as someone else mentioned, a reversal has a pretty low success rate.

They're potentially reversible. No guarantee.

That's fine. Nothing wrong with that, but what about those who don't want that? Or is this just a black and white thing?

I understand not liking condoms..but not liking birth control?

I get it if she's just had a hard time finding one that doesn't mess with her mood or acne or other side effects... But if that's not the case, then it sounds, well, lazy.

50% that's hard to believe. And okay suppose it where true, how many could be attributed to safe sex?

But not irreversible.

Freezerbag, lots of fapping and a freezer... seems cheap 2 me! :D

If he could afford that, then he could afford the condoms!

I don't think that's cheap either. =\

I've looked into both of these already but I could wait forever holding out for them.

Edit: even 'years' isn't a healthy amount of times.

I'm not willing to put my freedom on the line for a good time. If the condom or her birth control failed (neither of which have a 100% success rate) then my future is at the whim of a hormonal, pregnant woman. If I was in that position now or anytime in my entire life so far, I couldn't handle it. If my child ever asked me, "why did you have me/why am I here?" I wouldn't have a justifiable reason to give. At least if I adopted I could feel like I've my kept my side of the street clean. Because when it comes down to it, there's no moral reason to have a child, but there's many (perhaps exclusively) selfish reasons to have children.

Great idea. I just need one of the male birth controls to come out soon.

This.

If you're having second thoughts about getting a vasectomy then you're not ready. Yes, some can be reversed, but you should go into one assuming it can't be.

Unless you're the guy who gets one. Then I suggest getting it checked at least once a year.

[deleted]

You can't reverse them. However you can take a man's sperm and a woman's egg. Put them together, implant the resulting zygote in the woman's uterus, and bam--pregnant.

All of this requires planning and forethought, and perhaps some discomfort. That's a good thing. The world doesn't need any more oops babies.

I love vasectomies. Seriously. If a man got snipped for me I'd love him forever.

Miracles of science.

I resent the implication that just because I want to experience the pleasure of having a man's penis inside of me without the fear of pregnancy that I am a lizard. lol.

Keep in mind that the odds of changing one's mind are quite low once a vasectomy occurs. Honestly, there are already too many people on this planet.

There are already too many people.

No. A vasectomy is more effective than even a tubal ligation, so I definitely don't like the pill (hormonal bc SUCKS) or a condom which I would never depend on.

Especially considering a lot of those condomless nights come after large bar tabs.... Also condoms are free at most low cost/school/etc clinics. If you have an assload of student loans you better be getting some free condoms. After all, they are fucking you.

[deleted]

1) it's not me or my personal situation

2) Its meant to be how someone might reach the same conclusion, albeit dimwittedly

3) If I'm relying on my parents to help me, I'd rely on them here, too, to provide condoms

4) If you're downvoting, you really don't realize how stupid people are... let alone our "protected elite"

The jello puddin' pop.

Damnit why do you get here before me

A bouquet of condom flowers will be the next gift idea after fruit and cookie bouquets.

I'm in Canada too. I've seen them in baskets at the obstetricians office. Bit late now.... lol I was pregnant (planned) with my daughter when I saw that condom basket for the first time. It was so hard not to crack up laughing. A waiting room, full of pregnant women and a basket of free condoms.

[deleted]

Literally in my high school they have them in a basket for anyone to casually take.

Or if you're in Rwanda... y-...ah....

But so much less fun!

Plus you can stock up.

We have stupid high chlamydia rate among college kids here, I think at least one year we topped the county.

Just turn them around and you've got free lube too.

Get the variety pack!

I recommend http://www.condomdepot.com/

In a big fan of cheaplube.com

Kimono from Amazon. They're the best brand I've tried. Everything else is like fucking a bicycle tire.

Haha... clearly I should have said thumbs up instead.

Sorry, but

Wal

Mart

Unless they were like specialty; lamb skin or something. Idk, also I'm not too picky (have a preferred but eh Durex will do). Not gonna hate if you do have a preference, or allergy for that matter, best of luck in all your future condom endeavors.

Damn dude that's crazy. I've never seen that.

[removed]

Huh. All that other stuff, yes, but condoms aren't locked up in my area.

Cold medicine isn't in a lockbox because of teenagers.

How vivid! Reminded me of something that I shouldn't be reminded of! Well done!

Damn son..

Both. In one pic.

^{ihopemyproxyworks}

Fortunately no. I've heard the horror stories.

Don't be a sinner, wrap your wiener. (Mexican accent).

That disposable income is beautiful!

It costs around $1 million over 18 years to raise a kid, and that's for a healthy kid with no problems. My family has a few cases if mental health issues and I don't know if I want to take that chance.

Damn, I really feel you on this. It might sound selfish but I just want free time and disposable income. I can't stand being around other people for too long either.

They are great options, but they are not without flaws.

Both put all the responsibility on the woman. And there is no guarantee either that she is up to date. You have to go in every 3 months for the shot.

And neither are guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. They both have failure rates. An IUD is at LNG - 0.2 % Copper T - 0.8 % and an injectible is at 6%. The implant is another option with a 0.05% failure rate.

If you are only using only an IUD or Depo and no other secondary method, you still very much have a chance to get your girlfriend pregnant.

There are also reasons why women might not want them.

With IUDs, there is a chance it can fall out or become embedded in the uterus.

They don't recommend a woman go on Depo long term because there calcium concerns.

And women have potentially upwards of ~40 years of fertility. Accidents will happen.

Some people don't like or can't do the hormones. And only the copper IUD doesn't have them.

So many people in their twenties believe that certain methods will keep them safe from unwanted pregnancies. Almost a decade ago, I was speaking to a co-worker about the female he wanted to fuck. He actually said he was planning to fuck her without a condom and that he wouldn't get her pregnant if she blew him first since all the sperm would be in that initial load but not any subsequent one

Try putting a few drops of lube inside.

She mentioned that last night also, yeah

/u/sotpmoke [ ] Witty [X] Rekt