You look like you learned arithmetic with the microwave buttons

Of course the plate is already used.

I wasn't feeling too great about myself today until I saw this picture of you. Appreciate it

Your nails is apparently the only thing you don't chew.

If you ever want some more karma, shave your chest hair and post close-ups of your tits to r/bbw. They could use more fat tits and you could probably use more compliments.

those tits almost deserve a censorship

You are literally the definition of what everyone thinks Americans look like.

[deleted]

Don't be ashamed of your foot fetish, you just want to know what they feel like

Your beard looks like when a fat chick tries to shave her pussy.

Proof that sometime in history, Andre the Giant fucked a cheeseburger.

Most roasts cook at 15 minutes per pound so we could be here forever.

I wish I could post a picture of my micropeen...

Someone deleted the comment about mold under my tits. Just to clear things up here is proof I don't!

Your tits are so ashamed of you they are looking at the floor

I enjoyed your cameo at the end of Dodgeball.

[deleted]

I think your tattoo already describes how you feel about yourself

Man Seth Rogen really let himself go

TIL: OP was on futurama

I'd roast you, but I've been struck by the sudden urge to do push-ups until my heart explodes.

I'm speechless.

You literally have no redeeming qualities.

"Don't worry ma'am! I'm from the internet!" You could seriously start a career as a John Goodman look-alike! 😭

Are you sharing a picture from before you visited /r/abrathatfits?

So which direction are you transitioning, then?

You look like a melted votive candle with a loaf of bread on top. You must shit like an elephant.

Obesity kills...but in your case I think we can all agree it would be a mercy killing.

But, no, seriously, it's good you brought your own plate, you should have brought a box for leftovers as well, but judging by your looks I doubt you even know what a to-go box is.

Looks like you brought your own milk too...

Good to know Mama June is alive and well.

They say you shouldn't eat your feelings.....But in your case you should probably stop eating everyone else's too

HOLD THE DOOR!

You look like the cast of roseanne merged into a single entity.

You look like Pizza the Hut.

[deleted]

OP, NSFW

Wow, Chief O'Brien has really let himself go...

[deleted]

Get going,Lord of The Onion Rings

Damn yo! You need to tag this shit NSFW if you gonna show that much titty. Think of the children dammit

Dude kinda looks like john Goodman ate john Goodman

You text this photo to your mother to let her know you're out of tendies. And she sighs, and goes to the freezer to pull out more tendies to microwave for you. She sniffles as she starts the microwave, wondering if she's going to outlive you, or worse yet, how she's going to continue caring for you when she grows too old to work. She worries what will happen to you when she's not around to take care of you anymore. Will you turn homeless? Become a ward of the state? She doesn't know. But she worries.

The microwave beeps, the tendies are done. She places the paper plate next to you on the computer desk in a dark room filled with empty bags of doritos and bottles of mountain dew. You barely acknowledge her as you're in the middle of a raid and need to devote your full attention to buffing the group with protection spells. Timing is critical.

Wistfully, your mother leaves the room and heads to the bedroom. Once she closes the door, she sits on the bed and sobs uncontrollably. How did this happen? She was supposed to be retired by now. She was supposed to have grandchildren to dote on. Instead, she has her stinky, sweaty man child who does nothing but eat her out of house and home and play video games all day. She can't bear to cut you loose. She can't bear to leave this world knowing that you won't be taken care of. She wishes she could go back in time, tell her younger self to cook more at home and stop relying so much on McDonalds for family dinners. She wishes she could tell her younger self that the career she sacrificed everything for was a waste and that she'd just lose that job anyway in the economic downturn. But she can't take it back now. There are no do-overs in life. She contemplates this as her despair and sadness reduce her to tears. Just as she finally drifts off to sleep, your voice pierces the night.

"Mom! I'm out of tendies!"

She contemplates telling you that 2 family-sized bags of chicken tenders is enough for one day, and that she isn't your slave. But your relationship is far, far past that. Her will and sense of self-esteem were eroded years ago. Deep down, she know she should be your mom and not your robot servant, but muscle memory is already kicking in. She's already halfway to the kitchen.

You look like the kid from Bad Santa all grown up

There's nothing I can say that you haven't already internalized in the form of spray cheese and chips ahoy.

Your tits are bigger than your waifu's will ever be.

Good to see that Jack Black has lost some weight

I wish my girlfriend had tits that big. I also wish I had a girlfriend

The only part of you that you exercise is your head, so that it's lean enough to fit fully in the fridge.

Of course you brought your own plate, I'm sure you take one with you everywhere you go.

Why would you write on your pillow!?

So, would you consider yourself more of a "tits man"...?

We're gonna need a bigger plate.

[deleted]

I don't even feel like roasting you. This is sad, I feel sorry for you. Get help.

I think you misunderstood, you ARE the roast

r/bestof

[deleted]

What is this?

I thought John goodman lost a bunch of weight ?

I see you also brought peperoni.

Whitesnake though?

John Goodman had an autistic child apparently.

Dude looks like John Goodman's shut-in son

I'm genuinely upset that your tits are bigger than mine.

There WOULD HAVE BEEN a roast, but your cardiologist asked us to cut you off.

I'm 90% sure this is the lunch lady from my elementary school, so please please tag nsfw.

You are in the 99% percentile for cup size.

That moment that some guy on the Internet has bigger tits than your girlfriend

The only "fat acceptance" you need is to accept the fact you're wasting away your health and youth trying to get "YouTube" famous for a couple of hours.

You have the best tits you will ever see

I assume you are just using that to fan yourself and what you really mean by your "own plate" is a 16 person table sitting in front of you.

Whens the fire dept coming to your parents house so they can cut the wall down so you can finally move the fuck out?

"Mommy I wanna go to space" "No honey, NASA says they've already got a moon."

Edit: got the joke from boogie2988

Posted 27 minutes ago... Did you eat the plate yet?

The day god made you he was hungover

This nigga so fat that he wrote roast me on a paper plate and then had to eat off the fucking thing before he took a picture.

You'll never have to worry about a girl coming over and seeing that framed photo of Whitesnake on the wall.

[deleted]

Too bad you didn't bring your own bra.

Didn't you already do one of these, Boogie2988?

You cut off your dick and ate it thinking it was a sausage, but just because you're trans and have boobs now doesn't mean that floor's not gonna collapse you know.

cms3z had a better K/D than you. Boom roasted.

You're such a failure you couldn't even neckbeard right.

Haha poogasm! I follow u on twitch! Lol you make me laugh man

Everyone's making fat jokes, but I'm more interested in the picture of the hair band on the wall.

Not sure which one banged your mom in the stairwell of a half-full concert arena, eh? But it's got to be one of them so it's your way of ensuring you have at least one pic of your dad?

Your tits look like they don't want to be part of your body anymore

I would to say something to put you down, but gravity is already working overtime

If you were on Game of Thrones, you wouldn't have held the door, you would have blocked it because you couldn't get through.

I would, but you'd probably give me diabetes or something....

Kenny from South Park lives in a nicer home than you...

If you are to be literally roasted, the apple would be the healthiest thing you put in your mouth.

What's life like for you now since they decided to take you off the list of planets

Nice.

Diagram of the sun on the wall, 80s band picture.

I actually like you, Mr Pepperoni Nips.

Not surprised the plate is empty

You don't need a plate, you need a trough.

You look like when Bender became human.

Great the pig is here

You must have really long arms or a really nasty asshole.

You might want to consider using the 5 second rule for all the mics dropped in here.

After roasting you on this thread we could feed an entire village and still have leftovers for tomorrow.

As you age, your quality of life will decrease due to you being obese. Everyone's joints wear down as they age, but being obese your joints simply won't be able to handle your weight. After 40 you'll be uncomfortable standing for long periods (assuming you don't have that problem already), then you'll have trouble walking at around 50, and you probably will just have to be one of those people you see at Walmart using a scooter to get around shortly after. Enjoy your life fatass

This guy fucks.

Fucks canolis

I heard waffler69 went to a restaurant and he ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

You look like a version of Hodor that plays Overwatch

I don't know what's more disturbing, your right tit or that poster of Whitesnake.

Tit's bigger than my girlfriends.

You look like john goodman's parasitic twin brother who ate the triplet.

Looks like you brought the pig too.

You don't need that plate when your stomach is a literal shelf.

I'm curious to see a photo of you when your second chin becomes a third tit.

I love your Jabba the Hut cosplay! Still needs some work, but you're getting there

Alternate timeline John Goodman where he was deprived of oxygen in the womb.

His milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Lezbehonest, I'd suck on those titties

You look like Jon Goodman shat out a wad of stem cells that coalesced into you.

"Bring me solo"

The food on the plate?

Baby

The Other Other White Meat.

This reminds me of the morbidly obese Scotsman from Austin Powers

GET IN MAH BELLY!!!

Holy shit Jabba, let Leia go!

Flubber is evolving......

Pamela Anderson called, she wants her tits back

you're like my grandpas truck thats parked in the yard: Doesn't run and the airbags went off

I see you also brought your own drink. But please next time use a censor bar. Or at least label NSFW

Behind him a diagram of the sun.. Or as he calls it, Mom.

I think i killed one of these in Skyrim.

I would roast you, but I believe you had enough.

Do you have a picture of the sun on your wall to be a size goal or an indication to us that only the core of a star can roast you?

Mark Zuckerburg starring as fat bastard in the new Austin Powers movie....

You look like you smell like shit

Not sure what's greasier, your tits or that plate.

Japan called. Theres an opening on the national sumo squad.

Brazzers called as well. They want to know if they can make a video of u getting titty fucked by a midget. Then you get to eat the midget. Its called Fat Bastard and the all breast bbq with extra lashings.

Pepperonis go on the pizza you just ordered, not your breast.

[deleted]

Milk you is more like it.

Hopefully you'll experience a minor traffic accident and receive two black eyes from the whiplash on your man tits. Perhaps then you'll know you've let the fat situation get way out of control.

I can't roast you, for fear of burning those flabby boobs. Maybe you wanna go for some silicone there, hon?

Shouldn't this have a NSFW tag? I can totally see that lady's boob.

I don't think there is enough firewood in the world to completely roast you.

You're the reason crematoriums bury people outback instead of cremating them.

Nice tits

Do you hide you life savings under your moobs?

You look like John Goodman gained 150 pounds while transitioning to female

We roast people, not hams.

Were you Ben Stiller's body double in dodgeball?

Your defense mechanism for survival is to aggressively force people to deal with your appearance. You shove your flawed looks into people's faces with a joke. When you do this, the only flaw people see is your body, but because you're funny people decide they still like you. This is a blatant case of over compensating.

Yes, it might sting a little to hear people make fun of your body, but you can get over it. What would destroy you is if people started looking past the fat, started figuring out who you really are as a person, and still decided that you're an unlikable waste off their time and effort.

I obviously can't tell you what secret part of yourself you're actually trying to hide sense we've never met, but I can tell you with certainty that this delayed adolescent character that you're pretending to be is 1) beneath you and 2) unable to sustain meaningful long-term relationships.

If I were to start guessing and using assumptions, I'd say that you have a habit of self destruction; I'll break it before someone else does. As such, you're not actually happy because you break all your nice things. Making people laugh is your only consistent source of joy, so you'll do whatever it takes to keep the laughs going.

Because this is supposed to be a roast I should leave it there, but because you are obviously so broken that you flaunt it, I'll tell you that you aren't a lost cause. You can put your life back together, and love is not something that we ever earn. We just accept it and are grateful for it.

I don't know what's greasier, that plate or your face.

Ah, the ol' cover one titty expose one titty.

Modern art for the scooter beasts

Never thought I'd see a guy with bigger tits than his mom

Man forget the roast you look like the kinda guy that takes a plate everywhere anyways

how did your pubes get up there?

You made it way too easy for us

Some string and another plate and you've got your self some swim wear for the summer.

I'm actually impressed, I thought you would of eaten your fried chicken straight out of bucket.

Get on DDPyoga. Save your self the trouble of future health issues.

Rich from ReviewTechUSA called, he said he wants his pepperoni nipples back.

you have bigger tits than a miami whore

When I look up"big tits anal" on Pornhub, I try not to click on thumbnails of videos with tits like yours.

hey look it's mike myers in his fat bastard outfit

Even fatter John Goodman.

Edward Blubberhands

Did you blot that plate against your greasy chest?!

Dude, I am jealous! Your tits are bigger than mine.

[deleted]

r/torpedotits

I could skin you and make a hammock from each tit.

Yo Jabba don't you have a business to run

You should xpost to /r/sideboob

I bet you save lots of money on milk.

Bob.. Bob had bitch-tits.

You look like the offspring of autistic John Goodman and a burlap sack full of wet ham.

...and the grease too.

I would list all the things I find repulsive about you, but I think you'd die before I could finish.

I had never seen a boob before I opened up reddit today

If you're still hungry, which by the looks of you, you're never not hungry. Feel free to eat that pepperoni on your chest.

You look like someone I went to highschool with, ocala FL?

Should be tagged with nsfw for those titties...

You look like Gilbert Grape's mother's abortion

Should've brought a bra too

Why are you letting your neckbeard grow out? Can you handle drawing attention to all six of your chins?

How am I supposed to roast you? You're too big!

I'm not sure if this should be labeled NSFW because of the tits, or NSFL because of the morbid obesity.

You should have listened to White Snake up there and "spit it out"

wtf mods. NSFW.

Looks like you also brought your own plate-sized nipples

Looks like you brought milk for everyone, too.

I could render you and fill the fuel tank of a hummer

You look like John Goodman birthed a child, who then ate him.

I like big boobs, but yours are just too much for me.

Get back to seaworld Shamu.

Yeah I don't even have to say anything you've done enough yourself

When your "beard" looks more like two dead gerbils taped to your cheeks it's time to shave brother.

lost cause

I heard there were pancakes. I think you already found them but you must have spilled a couple on your chest.

Dumbass, you don't use pancakes as a bra.

Is the grease on the plate from your Cheeto pizza or underboob musk?

Did he 5 guys in the photo in the background morph together to form you?

This should probably be marked NSFW...

You look like Larry the Cable Guy ate Larry the Cable Guy.

John Goodman in the making

Who did your decorating? Stevie Wonder?

Personally, I would never poke fun at a celebrity. https://youtu.be/hgfbafx137A

Damn Joey Gladstone put on weight.

I like how self sufficient you are, you weren't able to get any boob so you grew your own.

You look like a swell gentlemen

You look like a young John goodman

You look like a guy who's friends glued their pubes to your face while sleeping as a prank. Except you don't have friends.

You look like you use parachutes for a bra

You look like you ate John Goodman.

We're gonna need a bigger barbecue

I am surprised you didn't eat the plate.

That plate is almost as greasy as you

It's Chunk from Goonies all Grown Up

You look like a fatter John Goodman and I didn't even think that was possible.

Wait...I think I've seen you before. Didn't I see you in a Youtube video about smashing watermelons with your moobs?

Looks like a pepperoni fell off your pizza there.

To complete the roast, we just need a spit and an apple

Are you the guy who posted on Reddit a while back who needed a spoon to wipe his ass?

If you put an apple in your mouth, that'd make this a luau.

You look like John Goodman with a pinch more jew in his blood.

You look like diabetes took a shit, rolled it pubic hair, coated it with crisco, then stuck a pepperoni on it

Reddits software must be buggy, this picture is clearly not safe for work.

FYI breastfeeding doesn't count as exercise.

You look like fat Ryan Reynolds from Just Friends

Are you trying to make your nipples as large as the old world pepperoni's you get on the pizza you eat every night?

Let's exchange contact info, I want your family to be able to reach out to me when you die from a totally preventable obese related disease.

I'll take them out to any one of their favorites. Golden Corral pizza Hut buffet, sizzler.

What ever they want.

It looks like somehow you have the superpower to teleport whatever was on that plate straight into your man tits.

Did you rub your face on the plate before you wrote on it

Turns out the truffle shuffle doesn't burn many calories.

Probably more healthy to bake you. Should the amount of fat that would be rendered from you catch fire it would probably look something like the opening scene of Apocalypse Now.

I'll save the roasting for the poor bastard that will be cremating you next month.

It was here. But looks like you are it

I bet your tits are bigger than your wives :)

I have always had a fetish for large breasts. Thanks for curing me of that.

I got type 2 just looking at your picture.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/03085799062077d1b5001e3bd60e698d/tumblr_inline_neumjjqTil1t0kyis.gif

You just finished a roast and now you want another?

Is that a picture of you above the door jam, or a diagram of the sun? I can't tell, masses are too similar.

You'd be better off posting in /r/bbwgw

Self-empowering fat-acceptance aside, I bet your fat rolls smell like absolute shit. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lying and must be truly fucked to feel the need to lie to a sack of moldy cheddar-jalapeño biscuits like you.

I don't know why you had to bring that plate, your boobs are plates enough.

Did you hear about your mother's suicide because of how disappointed she was in you? Of course you didn't, they probably thought you'd eat the fucking corpse if you showed up.

What bra size do you wear?

How long has it been since you've seen your penis?

You are the visual embodiment of all the Internet.

So this is what John Goodman is up to.

I would roast you, but you'd eat the roast.

Why bother to tell you if you have looked yourself in the mirror, there aren't mirrors big enough. And even if you found one, and you get excited and pull up your little belly, you still wouldn't see your penis.

Where were you the day you gave up?

John Goodman and Mark Zuckerberg fucked and 9 months later you popped out

did u take ur nippl e from a pizza ;)

Frankly this just makes me sad. Please start treating yourself better.

Please put on a bra.

You actually seem like a cool guy. Oh wait, this is a roast, I mean uh...

Your obesity overshadows your kind demeanor and will shun superficial people from ever loving you, leaving you with only a handful of authentic, but codependent friends that will encourage you to stay the same, thus expediting your decline into an completely avoidable corpulent death.

If you'd have taken your mothers advice and worn a bra your tits wouldn't be so saggy.

The only way anyone can roast you is in an oven at Auschwitz.

You look like what would happen if John Goodman fucked a ham

I bet that room smells like gunt sweat and last week's cum.

(For the non fatties among us, a "gunt" is the space under the overhang of a gut.)

Were you the body for the last scene in "Dodgeball"?

its fat bastard from austin powers :o

At least John Goodman won't have to worry about you stealing his roles once you go the way of John Candy.

Your milkshake brings all the folds to you lard

Damn right, cold lard is hard

Get in my belly, I want my baby back baby back baby back

Fuckin Chuck Norris.

::pops popcorn::

You're like an aunt that I don't want a Christmas present from.

The poster caught your eye because you were wondering what your insides looked like.

titillating title from the manatee with some man titties

Hi John Goodman!

Maybe you should have bought a bra instead

Oh shit. He came prepared. First time I've actually found this sub interesting.

Hey man, looks like a piece of pepperoni fell off that last slice and landed on your boob

This should be labelled as nsfw

The most shameful thing in this photo is that fucking Whitesnake photo..... It looks like it's soaked in jizz and shameful secrets.

Looking great as usual, Mr. Goodman.

The poster of Whitesnake may be the worst thing about you.

I would roast you but you ate it already.

I just found this sub. What is this man

Too big to roast. I'll have to buy an industrial meat smoker instead.

whats greasier, that plate or your hair

nah.

This is Chunk from the Goonies- now.

Congrats Mama June on your sex change. Sorry, I mean Daddy June.

I'd roast you but I think you'd eat that too.

Sorry, I don't like pork.

I didn't know a fatter version of John Goodman was possible

Which subreddits do you mod?

Then again, this is probably the best method of suicide.

No homo, but can I suck your tits for a while, bro?

He meant to write "roast beef".

Change your username. Anybody that you would 69 with would be a pancake, not a waffle.

Your tits are bigger than mine.

That side boob game is strong af.

You have bigger boobs than me.

Looked at your picture and thought to myself "Jesus this is going to be brutal" but there are actually some quality roasts in here that are genuinely funny and not just over the top mean or dickish.

John Goodman's son.

I'd roast you, but it looks like you already ate it.

"This is Bob. Bob had bitch tits."

Damn, what happened to simply red

What's your bra size?

You look like the Seth Rogen that didn't make it.

Too late.... Looks like you already ate the roast

I don't think anything needs to be said, the pic speaks for itself. I would feel bad actually roasting this guy, it's too easy.

Those are the biggest tits I've ever seen in my life.

Jenny Craig can help ya as well as Weight watchers you can even use that plate ur holding to eat ya salads on lol

Have you ever heard of heart disease or diabetes?

Because you're about to.

Hi Mark Zuckerberg, when did you decide to become a sumo wrestler?

Need to custom order your bras?

If we actually roasted you, you could probably feed Africa for a month.

Ma'am ur boob is showing

I see you also brought the pig.

Dude, seriously. When your body runs out of places to store fat and starts storing it on your fucking forehead it's a sign that you need to do something.

Hip Hops newest heavyweight, MC Nugget.

Congrats. The posters on the internet AND in your picture are disgusted by you.

Piggy brought himself to a pig roast.

That's some usda prime meat!

You look pretty happy for someone who is going to need an extra grave.

So this is the stranger in the alps? A dollarstore John Goodman?

Looks like a Fat Lil' Dicky.

You look like the type of guy to bring your own plate to a funeral

Bowl a gravy, folks! Bowl a gravy...!

It's the Comedy Central Roast of John Goodman!

Honestly though mate, you eat too much. Look at the oil stains on your paper plate you fat fuck.

There's no global over-population problem there's just a problem with allocation of resources. We just need to divert your second dinner to Sudan. Problem solved

Life looks rough after Roseanne, John Goodman

Werr gonna spit roast a suckling fat bitch

Your hair looks like it has the consistency of greasy pubes.

Brought your own melons too.

Have you thought about investing in bras?

You look like you ate John Goodman

Done

Your mom should have swallowed.

I can see you've got the lard covered for this grill

You should have brought 2 plates.

You still live with mom and dad.

Dont worry, everyone you walk by is watching your weight for you

"With her boob comin out."

Your boobs are twice the size of mine and I'm a grown woman. And sweet cookie nipples

Killer Whitesnake poster in the background!

I wish my gf had boob's as big as those. Also, show me your back titties

Jeremy Clarkson has really let himself go.

Holy shit it's Phil Margera, except you know, Phil has actually touched a woman.

You mean u aren't already a roast?

http://imgur.com/aXucXX4

Boy or girl?

Take a guess!!

Oh Jesus I think you just broke this sub.

He looks like Jabba the Hutt's Jewish side of the family!

Even your nipple is trying to get away from you

nigger what the fuck

Got that "post eating a full large pizza and rubbing it on my giant tits" self esteem boost going, huh?

We're gonna need a bigger plate...

You look like john goodman's disappointing son.

I thought that there was going to be a new Austin Powers move when I saw the thumbnail. One where Fat Bastard regained his weight and more.

That's a cute baby photo of you hanging above the door.

Is this gonewild?

You're side boob heaven....right? Or would someone who didn't like side boob not appreciate what real side boobs look like?

If anyone is wondering why he doesn't shave, consider this: The hot pic of grandma on the shelf + the whitesnake poster on the wall + that skeet plate he has obviously been using for multiple events = #notimeforshaveclub

Waiting on the second breast implant huh ?

I didn't realise the fat bastard had a son!

Your nipple looks like it's trying to escape.

If you want this roast cooked all the way through, it's 400 degrees for 300 years.

John Goodmans long lost bastard. Possibly conceived backstage at a Whitesnake concert.

Can I worship you tbh

So why do you want to get roasted, are you looking for motivation to fix yourself or reasons to end it all?

So when you flap your arms do your moobs allow you to gain flight?

Your titty is trying to hide in your armpit.

Why are you covering the other boob?

Nice poster of the sun, is that supposed to be your end goal?

Tits so big you get black eyes when you run. (Never had a black eye)

Genuinely this guy roasted everyone who commented on this thread.

Burger King just tweeted this picture, saying only "THIS is who we created the Mac and Cheetos for."

I guess not being able to keep Pee Wee's bike really set you on a downward spiral.

That titty tho

Guess now we know who ate all the potatoes.

If you got a nickel for every time someone called you fat, you'd eat them.

You have bigger boobs than the anime girls you have on your love pillows.

Looks like you won a medal for being fucking awesome!

You needed to bring a bra as well.

Is that poster of sun in the background there because you miss being in orbit so much?

You are overweight and you like 80s hair bands which is lame. Stupid!

John Goodmans son ate John Goodman

I would roast you, but I don't have a stick or fire big enough.

You look like a fat Mark Zuckerberg that made and ate every tasty video on Facebook

Do you have to walk up the basement steps to borrow your mom's bras?

You genuinely make me want to better myself.

Your only friends as a child were chef boyardee and Ronald McDonald

You also brought boobs, a shitty beard and fucked up haircut.. it's Ramadan so I'm being nice.

Fat Bastard IRL!

You forgot the NSFW in the title.

You look like John Goodman ate John Goodman

You look like John Goodman's ugly fat baby brother. Your man tits are saggier than my grandma's and she had breast cancer. Lose some weight, pork chop

You have a great sense of humor and seem like a cool guy. Wish you'd take care of yourself so you can stick around longer.

Why didn't you put that on NSFW

You look like you are taking a break from catfishing boys on Omegle with that cleavage

https://youtu.be/FF7ouCjSPB4#t=30s

Stefan?

I bet your brothers love taking turns tit fucking you.

Fucking tease! Show us both moobs!

They call you the black hole because when you visit an all-you-can-eat buffet you make every restaurant in a 10-mile radius file for bankruptcy.

Another nickname is the great Foodini, who can make anything disappear..
into your mouth.

you would bring your own plate Dan Arnold

I see that you're trying to do with "Own it" thing, but have you considered stopping before you give yourself a heart attack?

Please don't.

You look like Hodor's cousin.

You've genuinely given up on being happy eh? Fuck... I'm gonna go for a run. Dude get help.

It's survival of the FITTEST. You misheard didn't you.

Stolen. all credit to me, for stealing it.

If we roasted you, we would end world hunger...

"Roast me!! I won that tournament...fucking Chuck Norris."

Why do I hear Kelis in my head?

Nick Swardson really let himself go after Grandma's Boy.

You look like a discount John Goodman.

You're so cheap you reused the paper plate.

You got bigger tits than my wife...

Since when does pubic hair grow on your head

I don't think we can really roast you. The pit isn't big enough.

Your nipple is bigger than the circumference of both of your eyes combined. Do you ever lactate?

What size cup are you?

Its Fat bastard from austin powers

Im waiting for a live action Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs http://i.imgur.com/bRm22hS.jpg

Nice titties

Is that a plate or your other nipple?

The plate says "roast me" while you clearly prefer deep fried. Do your knees squirt a grease blood mix when you walk? In all seriousness I was once almost 400 lbs (true story) and lost about 200, so if you ever start on that path, just stick to it. Trust me your wife will appreciate not cleaning bird seeds, and sweat you leave in her bras.

I have nothing really to say, you look like any other Redditor.

Hey man I'm not trying to roast you here but you should really change your diet and start working out.

Wait...are you him?

First course will be an 4 kg man breast as seen in the picture.

You the type to create a bunch of Facebook accounts so it looks like you have friends

You look like Michael Rooker.

U r not for roasting. U r best for grilling.

What do you miss more, your feet or your penis?

If you push that plate against you hard enough you will have a successful mammogram.

Don't even need to roast you. You must have enough insulation there where you're roasting yourself all the time.

Holy shit dude, if you took JUST YOUR SKIN off your body, and put it on a scale, I'd STILL weigh less than that skin.

You didn't need a plate with nipples that size. I have big nipples but those are just enormous...

I'm sorry sir, but we only do roasts on sundays

Do your tits hang low? Do they wobble too and fro?

I didn't know the vampire from blade made a recovery.

Where's the NSFW tag? I don't need tits at work.

It's sad that there's probably an attractive guy under 300 pounds or so. Hope your wife is happy man.

Holy friggin crap, ROAST BAIT. Look, I know you're disappointed that there's no roast here. But you seriously need to lose weight.

You brought your own pepperoni too with those fat nipples

The irony that you are covering your dinner plate nipple with a dinner plate is not lost on me

I would tell you to put on a shirt but there probably isn't one big enough to cover those crater-size nipples of yours.

that plate looks like you reuse it for all 20,000 calories your day consists of

Well, at least you can breast feed. ..

You look like the inbred child of John Goodman

You left a pepperoni over your nip

So the guy on the post of the woman with cancer FINALLY got to see some boobs

Looks like the grease from your breast is sweating through the plate

Some scientists exeperiment with fat molecules got out of hand real quick....

Damn Will Ferrell let himself go

Nicer boobs than me

You look like Ryan Reynolds in "Just Friends", which I'm sure you have none of.

Was it tough being told you needed to lose weight to be a John Goodman impersonator?

Damn girl your titty.

You ate the plate after this pic was taken didn't you

When was the last time you saw your penis?

Look at dem titties!!!

Wow. Will Ferrell really let himself go.

Hey you dropped a piece of peppero...oh wait that's your nipple

Your breast looks like a rubber glove filled with pudding.

Cant have a beck beard with no neck. Your chin looks like stairs