My public speaking teacher did something totally different with our "That Guy" - who started with a speech about why the school day should be 5 minutes and 30 seconds long. There were digressions on "if you take out all the time when nothing's going on" that trailed into "the spaces between words and all the words that aren't necessary to get the point across" and essentially was "we should have 5 minutes of lightning fast newspeak and go home".

She taught him how to source all the way to primary sources, word your speech in such a way that there aren't loopholes for people to snip out context, maintain attention without giving up authority, and so on. He's a real toastmaster now, heading for politics, and one of the best speakers I know.

I'm impressed that you got a C,B,D, and B on your big assignments and still pulled off a B.

You did well, but I can't help but see a missed opportunity.

Persuasive speech:
Why I deserve an A for this course, both despite and because of the way the professor has failed to maintain objectivity, but instead allowed her personal distaste for my choice of topics to color her assessment and negatively impact my opportunity to learn from this course.

Among other things (e.g., how her lack of professionalism and verbal abuse created a hostile environment), you could have explicitly discussed how your original persuasive topic not only met the requirements, but is absolutely a classic example of rhetoric - and quoted, as best you could, her outright threat to fail you. You'd just need someone to record it, so you could provide evidence to the dean or your ombudsman, when she then tried to fail you.

We had one minute to sell a product in an infomercial style. She said we could have a little fun with this one and allowed us to sell something that we made up, so long as we had a physical thing to present as our product.

I once got a job for one of the big satellite TV companies. (Okay, more like three or four times, but this applies to one instance.) During training, we had to split up into groups and make up fictitious products, then spend time making props (with nothing more than markers, tape, and poster-paper), then write up selling points, then actually try to sell it.

The other groups had the usual boring inane crap. Stuff like instant popcorn and cars that never run out of gas. Props were almost exclusively randomly-ordered bullet points on a poster sheet. The sales pitch was like listening to someone read a PowerPoint presentation aloud.

Then they got to my team. Well, me, really, 'cause as soon as we got to our workspace I basically steamrolled over the others and made them do the labor while I fed them info.

When it came to our turn to do our selling, I plunked down a cube of poster-paper, one foot on a side, taped securely and marked all over with fake logos and factoids. I then turned on my best Billy Mays imitation and spent the next three minutes giving the hard sell.

I told them about how my product was essential to all life on the planet, and how useful it was with cooking, growing things, and cleaning. About how cars used it for internal combustion, and about how it could also keep computers cool. How it was so light that you could hold it in your hand, but it was so strong that it could prevent a meteor from hitting the Earth.

At the end, everyone else in the class was visibly interested. When I gave the obligatory "Who wants one?" at the end, every hand shot up. And that's when I told them they had just agreed to pay $100 for a cubic foot of air.

She told you the last speech had to be a "controversial" topic and told you to do travel?! What the fuck?

I've had university classes where there's one student who is the outgoing "class clown". They're always the most liked and when it comes to presentations they're usually the most interesting and fun.

However there is a flip side to this. For the students (like myself), who would try to take each assignment as seriously as possible, a student pulling stunts like this just because they could was seriously annoying. Especially because, like what happened with you, their presentations were always the most liked. So there's this weird feeling of "I put 10 hours into this to try to make it as professional as possible and this guy goes on for 10 minutes about invisible giraffes..."

I just think there's a line between being enthusiastic/having fun with your topic so that you actually enjoy presenting it and blatantly making stuff up to be the funny guy.

I'm not trying to be a negative nancy, just wanted to try to flip the perspective a bit. :)

Am I crazy for thinking the OP sounds like an asshole?

Being community college and a 100 level course it was full of people that generally had no interest in anything but a passing grade, but the professor was notorious for thinking otherwise.

So, the teacher takes what she teaches seriously, but you and others think it's some throwaway class? Why would anyone think this is a good attitude? Are you taking college courses to learn to just to get grades? Like fuck me, good job for not caring.

And just because you do a good job of being a class clown and getting people to laugh, doesn't mean you deserve a good grade. It's a great skill, but you honestly just sound entitled.

Sounds like you were a tool who thought you were better than the assignments. There's a reason you went to cc.

So lemme get this straight.

Have a speech class with a professor who takes the class seriously and actually expects work, might be a bit of a bitch but isn't really that bad. She never gives out any unreasonable grades or work, nothing like that.

She gives you multiple normal assignments and when you try to make a mockery out of it, she gets ornery.

When she gets ornery, you act like she's in the wrong? She's the teacher of the class actually trying to give serious work and she never treated you unreasonably in this story. You're a bit of a jackass my dude.

Am I supposed to be in support of you or her? Because for the most part this is painting her as a teacher and you as a whiny child.

So after the first little introductory speeches at the beginning of the semester, I realized that I absolutely did not agree with how she thought speeches should be and did not enjoy getting docked points for things like "lack of enthusiasm", or, "didn't feel like you truly believed in the topic", or, "I couldn't connect with your words. Try reading X chapter from the book and practice on putting more feeling into your speaking." My favorite was, "You need to find your confidence". She was a pain for everybody.

Giving a speech is about making the audience believe your words. You don't do this by sounding unenthusiastic, or sounding like you doubt your own words, and lack confidence in them and yourself.

She has every reason to dock points for failing to present a convincing speech in a class about learning to give convincing speeches.

and she had taught the class like it was full of hopeful young professional speaker wanna-bes

God forbid that she expect people showing up to her public speaking class to want to learn public speaking.

I love you for this. 10/10 will read again.

Also, fuck that professor.

[deleted]

OP if any of this is even true it makes you look like an enormous douche bag.

r/2edgy4me 🙄 you sound like a douche.

OP sounds like a tool

OP took a whole class and is still unable to imagine that the teacher might have known something he didn't about a topic she's taught for years.

You sound like a rebellious teenage freshman without the desire to learn. Am I right?

I can't decide whether to cross post this to /r/iamverysmart, /r/justneckbeardthings or /r/cringe, it reads like you wrote it with one hand.

just a heads up, the "Bodily Fluids" monologue from Strangelove was Ripper, not Turgidson.

Hmm, I honestly don’t sympathize with you on this one. Actually, I kinda feel bad for the professor. I was expecting a story about how the professor had some unreasonable expectation but really they just wanted you to express yourself a little.

Although the professor may have been old-fashioned, you're still a jerk. Doing speeches on invisible giraffes was beyond ludicrous, especially with your single "source." The others only voted for you because they thought you were laughing at you.

You just seem like an annoying student.

Is this you?

OP, any tips on avoiding sapping and/or impurification of precious bodily fluids via microscopic giraffes? Should I only drink rain water and pure grain alcohol?

tl;dr idiot who doesn't know the first rule about giving speeches miraculously passes class he should have failed. Ungrateful idiot also calls teacher bad names for passing him when she really shouldn't have.

I mean I get doing things out of spite (or whatever reason really that OP chose for giving the speeches), but I think at a certain point picking and choosing battles becomes a bit more important. I don't think this is the hill I'd choose to die on - if OP was a good speaker why not just bite the bullet, do the stupid bullshit speeches, and take the A? I don't think whatever sense of satisfaction I'd get for shirking the rules is worth the possibility of failing.

But then again this is the internet and everything is made up.

I'm sorry but you come across as a bratty little baby who just doesn't want to do the work they are supposed to do, and you come on reddit to brag about it. This whole story is unnecessary and stupid.

and she had taught the class like it was full of hopeful young professional speaker wanna-bes

Imagine taking your subject seriously and expecting your students to do so as well.

I realized that I absolutely did not agree with how she thought speeches should be

So anyways I decided I'd prove her wrong by making speeches about how giraffes don't real. L E L totally showed the bitch hur hur.

OP upvoted by a bunch of teenagers.

You come of as a petulant child in this story. Some r/imverybadass shit.

You sound kind of like an asshole neckbeard who thinks they’re smarter than their professor. You disagree with them on how to give a speech? You’re allowed to disagree, but realize a teacher with decades of experience surely knows more than you do. It sounds like the teacher took the class a little bit seriously, but that’s college. You’re paying for an education, you should want to get a serious education, and she wants to give you what you’re paying for. Sure you were just trying to have some fun, but you were very disrespectful towards your professor and you made her job harder when all she wanted to do was actually educate you.

I would have failed you. Probably by mid term. You don't want to give speeches? Great. Dont take the class and waste my time along with everyone else's.

Most likely this will be an unpopular opinion. But whatever.

cringe

Holy shit you just sound like a jerk who barely does any work

She was an older professor, late 60's, and she had taught the class like it was full of hopeful young professional speaker wanna-bes, having books and videos that we had to watch that tried to make us into the next 19th century toastmaster.

What a complete bitch, wanting the best out of her students. Didn't she realise this is community college? Full of losers who don't give a shit about anything except their own grandness.

You sound really insufferable

You sound like the kind over person I find hilarious and amusing on the internet but who I would think is a total asshole and super annoying if I knew you in person.

Even from how you've phrased it, it seems like you just made a joke out of the class that she seemed to be quite passionate about and she didn't appreciate it (yet still seemingly gave you decent grades).

Funny story, don't get me wrong but even with all your insults about how she had no humour and suchyou still ended up making you sound like a bit of an ass which is pretty impressive seeing as you wrote it from your point of view.

10/10 would invisible girrafe again

Tbh, I would've loved this in my mandatory speech class, but I also would've thought you were on some heavy drugs.

Does she consider travel a controversial topic?

You sound pretty stuck on and the kind of guy that’s strives to be that guy. I give you a c for the gold you got and a f for being a snot in class to someone who actually wants to teach and takes their job seriously.

[deleted]

Tbh, in a public speaking course being docked points for lack of enthusiasm seems reasonable to me. If you sound bored by your own speech you are doing a bad job of public speaking.

You're definitely both an idiot and an asshole.

Honestly you seem like you’re kind of an asshole.

She could have gotten a sense of humor, and of course she was being ridic towards this end, but why did this even start in the first place? It sounded like you were giving her shit for being serious about teaching, which I hope in hindsight, you realize is rare at most community colleges. Don't be a dick to teachers who are trying just because you don't care.

I dont believe this story at all. A speach about microscopic giraffes would have been laughed out of a high school English class nevermind in college. Not only that, sounds like your just an ass in nature. maybe she didn't have the best teaching style or whatever but it seems no one else in your ''class'' had any problem with her...

if you didn't spend your Life trying to be some kind of hipster / dale gribble maybe you'd get along with people like everyone else in your made up autistic classroom

That giraffe story sounded painful. I think your teacher was right. You aren’t funny.

Chocolate: I'm mostly fat, often found in a bar, and easily unwrapped.

This would be a great t-shirt.

Just took public speaking at a community college. I’m now grateful for the professor I had. He was a chill “bro” that just wanted us to do our speeches (narrative, informative, persuasive, impromptu) and just generally improve each one so you’d look like a master compared to your first.

honestly, it sounds like you're a massive pain in the ass.

I did a speech in high school that was firmly Anti-Cannibalism, since I didn't want a strong opposing argument.

Luckily my teacher had a much better sense of humor than yours.

OP took a whole class and is still unable to imagine that the teacher might have known something he didn't about a topic she's taught for years.

Seeing all the gilded comments from teacher's pets really grinds my gears. I know this professor type and they are the absolute worst for learning or engaging anything. Thanks for the story.

This is one of those situations where you find the dean, and explain how Communication is not just how you present, but to whom you present it.

"Being community college and a 100 level course it was full of people that generally had no interest in anything but a passing grade, but the professor was notorious for thinking otherwise. She was an older professor, late 60's, and she had taught the class like it was full of hopeful young professional speaker wanna-bes, having books and videos that we had to watch that tried to make us into the next 19th century toastmaster."

IOW, here's a teacher who against all odds hasn't lost hope that at least some of these kids who have no idea what privilege it is to be able to get an education might still catch the spark if pushed beyond the comfort zone. Let's fix that, shall we?

As a former teacher the presentation of a rubric without actually basing grade on it is really concerning. This teacher really is old guard.

I agree with r/circlebroke2 on this one. You’re just a big meanie who can’t follow directions.

So basically, "I didn't like the way she taught, so the best solution was to make her miserable"

Teacher just wanted to teach young students about a topic she was passionate about. You shouldn't take a class if you are not going to take seriously (unless it is mandatory ofc) It is just disrespectful to teacher and students who are interested in. I do not support teacher saying mean stuff to you ofc but i can't support you either. You sound like a huge jerk.

You just sound like an ass in a class where someone is trying to teach you how to speak in public. Source: I teach future teachers.

So...you just were a smartass with someone who grades you...who has co-workers that will also grade you who will most likely take her side. Yea this doesn't have the potential to bite you in the ass.

You are probably better off on biting the bullet and doing what your professors expect of you not what you can get away with. You got a B because it was an intro class and she knows it isn't worth failing a student so early in their college career, shit won't be so easy as you get further in.

Its a funny story but I think you're being a bit too hard on your teacher. She does sound a bit too traditional but what I got was she really wanted teach you all what she knew.

You just came across as cocky and rude

I did an informative speech on how to survive a zombie apocalypse and received similar disdain from my professor because it wasn’t realistic and I allegedly wasted everyone’s time. My sources included some research studies on how a zombie apocalypse could actually happen. I got a C, and hated the class after that.

You should send her cards with giraffes, talk her other students into talking about giraffes, put giraffe magnets on the back of her car, hang giraffe posters in her class, have a giraffe cake sent to the faculty room for her birthday, and so forth.

This isn't Crowder College, is it? That sounds exactly like the class structure and speech teacher I had there.

Imagine this ending speech: A moving & emotional William Wallace/Charlie Chaplin speech that discussed standing up to those above you, those that have the power to fail or pass you. Those with the decision for your future. No jokes, all seriousness. The crowd listens intently knowing it's about the teacher.. Your last words end in shock and silence envelopes the room.

There would be no way she could fail you or get name would be tarnished by the angry mob. That would be pure irony as it was your last and final speech especially as it's supposed to be a persuading one. One where the teacher wanted you to be serious yet in her hubris she baited herself.

That being said & jokes aside, your teacher was doing a great job. We need to give respect to educators who take their job seriously. She's wanting you to do better.

Your professor reminds me of Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter

It's a shame nobody did a speech on teachers limiting the creative expression and freedom of speech in their students.

Why do people take this class if they're not interested in it? From your opening paragraphs it seems that everyone hated being there, so why not take a different course?

I like foxes.

Not to be that guy but in “simply did enjoy it” shouldn’t it be did’NT

I did that class in the same style:

• Informative speech: the raelism religion (aliens)
• Personal speech: Role model is Mitch hedburg
• Persuasive: hybrid/electric vehicles are bad for the environment (circa 2009, early days)

And I'm blanking on the fourth. Class favorite judging by reception and passed with an A.

My speech professor was mostly great. She required an outline which I usually did, but sometimes I would just know my topic and wing it. One time, she said, "That was one of the best speeches I have heard for this assignment. Where's your outline?" I didn't have one so she docked 10 points. I got a 90.

Wow, I feel bad for that teacher.

"finding myself too funny". I had established myself as that guy

If you take anything from that course let it be this.

That guy is invariably an arsehole.

I was recently asked to retell the story of how I "pwned" the Gender Study teacher my freshman year of college.

As the story progressed, I came to realize that I'm not the protagonist - I was just a wiseass kid who failed to understand the point of the course and each lesson.

I feel the same way about your story.

You are too cringe. The teacher was right, you’re way too try hard with your humour. You come across as a dick, and she should have failed you.

Coincidentally I'm reading this instead of writing a persuasive speech for my intro to public speaking class.

I thought rule #1 of public speaking was to know your audience. Clearly, you were the best student.

[deleted]

I had an old white racist bitch for a speech teacher in college. First day of class we are doing an awkward ice breaker game. It basically involved her picking a topic like, tell us how you came to be in [university town], where your favorite place was, etc. Inevitably, someone mentioned they lived behind a Hyvee (midwest chain grocery store) in the bad part of town. The speech teacher said verbatim: "I never go to the ghetto 'vee, theres too manu ni***rs there."

This elicited, much to my horror, some nervous laughs but more than a few understanding and complicit nods. My friend and I gave each other astonished looks and not a single person in class derided her. Afterwards my friend and I approached her and expressed our amazement to which she simply responded: "Its alright, its not like there were any ni***rs in the room."

We went to the dean of students who expressed alarm and disbelief. The dean defended this deplorable woman and said that she had worked for the university for many years and no one had ever complained. We reported her every time, and were met with increasingly hostile dismissal. I called her out on her racism repeatedly and was eventually told by her and the department head that if I continued to undermine her authority, my friend and I would face various punishments up to and including expulsion.

Read the TL;DR. Glad you got a B!

Now to return to my mindless gifs.

CALM DOWN PEOPLE > THIS DID NOT HAPPEN

It was a paper for a constructive writing course that also did not happen. The same as most of the other bullshit stories here.

I feel like public speaking teachers are just horrible in general, mine was really bad.

I picked up public speaking in community college early. I lasted a single class and dropped it as I walked out the door. Group Discussion better met my communications requirement.

Reason was simple, my teacher was a sexist conspiracy theorist.

The class started as most do, he introduces himself. White, old (50-60, couldn’t tell but he didn’t have a lot of teeth), and how he wanted everyone to speak loudly when introducing themselves. He begins to go over the syllabus but once he hits contact information it became story time of how the government is stealing your data and tracking you, how you’re going to lose your identity, and how easy it is to have your information stolen because you have an email. Thus, he was unavailable via email and he refused to use the online site (blackboard) so if you wanted your grades you’d need to contact him in person.

His whole reason was because he had a friend with super computers in his house who could pull up anything. As a comp sci major I found this amusing.

Next we start introductions, and he makes offhand snide comments on where people are from, what they liked, and if they were girls he made sure to be extra creepy. He made his comments about me and I took it in stride, but right after me the girl who was next said something that set him off was it.

He entered a 30 minute tirade of how women don’t deserve, want, or need equal rights. Out of the two hours of class, the majority of it was him telling his weird conspiracy stories or making horrible comments... soon as the class ended I dropped the class on my phone and left.

Public speaking is horrible enough as it is, but the teachers just seem to make it worse.

tl;dr teacher didn’t believe women should have equal rights and hackers would steal your life because you owned an email.

Honestly this just sounds like you being a dick. Your professor was just doing her job and wasn't mean or unfair to you in any way. Some people actually take what they do seriously. Like adults

Fake and gay.

inb4 /r/nothingeverhappens

r/madlads

She doesn't sound like a bitch. As a matter of fact, she sounds like she was incredibly patient with you.

From the get-go, you are shitty to her. You insult her and your fellow students by assuming that anyone who takes a community college course seriously is some sort of artificially-inflated weirdo. Like, you're legit pissed that she has a lot of experience teaching the subject and that she's passionate about it. The fu...?

Then, you delusionally and arrogantly assume that the fact that you and the instructor have different ideas about what makes a good speech means the two of you "disagree". No, here's a little tip. When an expert's position on a topic within their area of expertise is significantly different from your position on that topic, the only rational thing for you to assume is that you are ignorant about that topic. Any fucking smarmy 19-year-old can go on le Reddit to plagiarize jokes (which you literally admit to doing) and get a group of people to vote for him because he made them laugh (again, with other people's jokes.) Precisely what of value did you add to the class, besides comic relief? Fucking nothing. You wasted everyone's time, because you didn't value the course to begin with.

She was way more generous with you than I would have been. I can't believe she let you get away with as much as she did, tbh. The only thing she even penalized you for was your speech with shit sources. Even then, she was generous. If you had been my student and had cited "the government", I would have thrown you out of my class before you even opened your mouth to speak - automatic 0 points earned.

After reading it, I wish I hadn't. No punchline and no real theme. I'll try to save others' time. Don't read it. Nothing to see here. Like one of grandpa's stories.

This pic looks like the cover of Porter Robinson's debut EP, Spitfire

[deleted]

Perhaps I should make a r/toastmasters speech based on your malicious compliance.

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Aww man I thought this one was going to be good

For my 100 level comms class we had to do speeches as well. For my persuasive I did one on why aliens were real and cited every alien tv show I could find and even showed a clip of the crazy haired "aliens" guy.

Professor loved it, gave me a few pointers on how I could have done it better and laughed the whole time.

Sometimes it's worth it to look for a good professor on ratemyprofessor lol

What at ass of a teacher for such a low level college course. In my 100 level public speaking class we had to do an 'event speech'. Eulogy, scripting an award, anything of that sort, and short and sweet. My speech was accepting a procrastination award for my procrastination of writing that speech itself. My teacher LOVED it

To be honest, it sounds like she was fairly tolerant of your bullshit. I think a lot of professors would have been a lot harder on you, and I wouldn’t blame them one bit.

My public speaking teacher was great. I kept pushing the buck on every single issue to see if he'd fold (jokingly since he was a cool dude) but he just got more and more on board. I did an entire informative speech where I taught everybody the process (with a live demo) on how to buy drugs off the dark web and he was enthralled. Granted he WAS a hippie in the 60s and I'm pretty sure he was taking detailed notes during the presentation

Yooooo One of my siblings went to a CC and had to take this course, too, and actually had someone do the same thing as your first speech, for sure, and I think your last speech.... in which case.... OP, you made their semester. (In case you are not, though, someone else clearly mirrors your sense of humor and off-brand rebellion!)

That's bull shit. What an asshole. I hate professors like that.

I had one like that during a summer course, so in addition to everything else, we were really crunched for time and she thought that her class and ridiculously long essays were the only thing we did during our day to day life.

We had to write an essay about cause and effect, and I got tired of being docked for every stupid little thing she could come up with, she was also one of those professors who would find any way to never give a prefect grade.

So I wrote my essay on really a really outlandish, hypothetical effect stemming from a mundane, every day cause, and sure enough, got my worst grade yet bc it "wasn't directed at my audience". Even though it hypothetically was.

I don't have the energy to pursue it like the OP, so I went above her head and reported it to the chair of the English board, and they said they fully backed her and was lucky bc the chair would have given me an F.

Even though I fufilled all the fucking criteria.

For my final essay, my mom told me to just use her voted best essay back from her classes. She was an English professor too, and her essay was fucking perfect.

Of course it didn't get a perfect grade either.

My dad was a grade school professor years before I was born. He had assigned his students a 2 or 3 minute speech about a topic of their choice. He was teaching in Alberta, Canada (Edmonton Oilers, this will be relevant). So there was this one kid who was "that guy" and he decided to talk about the Wayne Gretzky trade that had just taken place.

So this kid goes up to the front of the class, gives 4 facts about Gretzky, and then says: "The Gretzky trade, let's think about that for a minute." and stood there in silence for one minute and then sat down.

My dad gave him an A+

Might have been able to slip the cannibalism topic by her if you phrased it like "Pursuing a healthier diet because you are what you eat."

Holy shit you made me laught so much my mouth hurts.

If it were me, I would have given that last speech with the persuading topic of "Why this classes professor doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about."

I stayed up all night laughing.

Someone needs to turn this into a show.

I had established myself as that guy

Upvote for that

This is definitely the best post on this subreddit I’ve read, and easily up there for my favorite reddit posts. It’s almost 230am and I should’ve gone to bed a long time ago but instead I read this and giggled like a maniac. Damn I love this subreddit.

Can we invent a prize for just generally awesome people? Because holy shit man you are actually a god.

(Late) While your speech three was amazing and I love it, another good thing that I would have done (after being exposed to at least three nonsensical speeches) had I been in your class would be to take a journal, have some notes prewritten, and start reciting the lyrics to the theme song of the fresh prince of bel air in a monotone.

That 4th speech sounds like a joke I heard as a kid.

So. An arabic teacher asks his kids (younglings, like maybe 7th grade) to write about anything they want.

One kid brings up the topic of worms.

"Worms. Worms are animals. There are many types of worms. Earth worms, tapeworms...."

So the teacher doesn't like the topic because it's boring, but it's the 3rd grade so whatever.

Next, they get an assignment to write about Elephants.

"Elephants are big. They are massive. There aren't many elephant types. They are the opposites of worms. Worms are tiny. There are many types of worms. Etc"

Teacher is kinda amused bit also a bit sick of it. So next assignment is about space. Surely this kid can't link worms to space, right?

"Space is really scary. There is no air in space. Because there is no air there are also no worms. Worms come in many different types. etc..."

There's no punchline it's just about how the kid writes about worms all the time.

Another malicious compliance I saw was some kid writing a 50 word short paragraph about what he did in a school break (I think fall break). What does he write?

"Me, sarah, jack, john, ahmad, jacob,........(keeps listing names) went and picked olives."

Got a 3/20 i think.

I wish "that guy" in my speech class was as fun as you. Ours was a neckbearded Ayn Rand disciple where every talk was focused around Libertarian ideas. He was a decent speaker, sounded like a preacher, but the smugness was just too much. Fortunately, he only made it halfway through the semester and just stopped showing up to class.

I WAS "that" student in my class. My best one was my 8 minute demonstration speech on how to filibuster. I whipped out a book from the back of the class and started reading... I wasn't allowed to finish

Professor blacklisted my demo speech which was how to make a water pipe for tobacco out of a bell pepper and a carrot. So I did my demo on what every other demo did wrong. Dick move, but at least a quarter of the class did food demos and none of them used a knife properly, it'd be a dick move not to enlighten people.

Lol. This reminds me of my speech teacher.

Only she wasn't snooty, she was actually kind of fun.

We had to do a speech on a people or thing that meant a lot to us. So I did mine on North Korea. That was speech #2?

For my final, she approved this, I did the speech on "insects as an alternative protein source" and I gave everyone some home baked chocolate chip cookies that I had used ground cricket in.

She gave me the ok for the cookies. But I didn't tell anyone what was in them until the end of my speech. So they all ate them, came back for seconds, and then I gave my speech, and blew their fucking minds.

I was voted best speaker and everyone enjoyed the insect cookies. Plus the speech was well received too.

At first I thought you said your last topic was "I want to kill you" hahaha that would've been a hoot and a half

That was entertaining AF, but it also sounds like a narcissistic made up fantasy about outwitting everyone + the professor in class. If it really did happen, you ignored all of the other students' eye rolls.

I had found my confidence.

Favorite line of the novel. Even better when you read it as Richard Dreyfuss a la "Stand By Me."

Did this happen to be in Colorado Springs? I had an eerily similar teacher but this sounds like probably a lot of communication and public speaking teachers...

nonsensical things, like invisible animals

Water bear disagrees, bitch!

"Vesploogie, if you give this speech, I will fail you. No questions...

oh how I wish she addressed you this way irl

Excellent tales, sir. Absolutely worth the read!

I was once bored out of my skull during a state-mandated test in the late '90s. We were given a writing prompt about two girls skating on the ice and an old woman looking from a window.

I ended up writing a story about how the two girls were in a lesbian relationship and ended up committing suicide by diving into the ice. The old lady, in despair, took a header out the window.

I didn't think of it at the time, but now I'm quite surprised that I didn't end up getting sent to counseling or something like that.

I had the same problem in my speech class...I did a informative speech on the differences between Schizophrenia and Multiple Personality Disorder (since they are commonly thought of as one) and used some friends to create distractions in and outside the classroom - noises, literally running into the classroom screaming, sitting and talking in people's ears... to create the illusion that they were experiencing the disorders I was explaining all while pretending nothing was going on.

My class loved it.

My professor hated me.

My speech teacher in high school was like this, but maybe 70 years older. Her fingers coiled and she looked almost like a dinosaur. She did not give A's because "nobody is perfect." Unless you played sports or gave the morning announcements on the loudspeaker, then you could get an A. She routinely kicked people out of th class for the slightest hint of an infraction. She made us pronounce people's names extraordinarily properly (Aaron vs Erin, for example). She was actually pretty horrid.

You shoulda gone pro and asked the Dean if they thought the winner of every best speech vote should get a B. Get her in shit for it

should have made the last speech on the prevalence of people who do not know what they are doing....pretending to be teachers.

This is hilarious, but I'm a little hung up on your lunch lol. You had a bowl of cereal, chocolate, and water for lunch? And packed it in a McDonalds bag? What?

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This is why i hate subjective grading. Teacher can litterally turn her emotions into deductions on your grade without any oversight or mediation. Oh, you sneezed on my favourite shirt... F!

This is so frustrating to read because this seems like the kind of class that would have been a blast with a cool teacher. Also, like it or not, you must have learned something from that class because this was written like a really strong oratory speech (I did Speech and Debate in high school, including judging, and that's the first thing this reminded me of). :P Great job!

You got dicked on the grade for the second speech, clearly. It's a public speaking class - it's about being able to give an engaging presentation and speak confidently on any topic. The last one pissed me off - her personally green lighting every topic for "appropriateness."

Hope you took it pass/fail. Good story. I'm in the market for some giraffe detectors.

Shortly before speech day arrived, she announced to the class that she would be going around the room and hearing all of our topics so she could personally greenlight them.

So my English teacher did a similar thing when we had to give satirical speeches (Take a serious issue and give a stupid but effective solution.). He went around to each group, heard what they had to say, and gave opinions and criticism. Pretty good teacher so we'd usually listen to it. When he got to my group though, we told him that I had the idea to eliminate teen pregnancy by bringing back the chastity belt. No criticism, no response at all. He just stuck his head in the paper he was holding, quietly laughed a bit, and walked away.

As I was reading this, it seemed to me that your teacher missed one of the biggest requirements for giving speeches: you have to know your audience. From the way the class liked your speeches, it seems like you did know your audience.

She should have given you an F. Why are you even in college?

As a former teacher, I do feel kinda bad for this lady who really wanted to be teaching a serious, intellectual, hardworking class, and it seems like she ended up with a room full of C students joking around and putting forth minimal effort.

However, it sounds like she failed to set some boundaries. Setting some requirements for using RELIABLE sources probably would have prevented OP from being able to get a passing grade with invisible giraffes 🦒.

Also, dropping hints about “how to do a speech “ to the whole class instead of talking to you directly is kinda passive aggressive! If OP didn’t take the hint the first time, she should have talked to him in her office about her expectations for future speeches.

Does anyone else think she gave him a B to prevent him from retaking the course?

I think this is my favorite post in the sub. Fucking invisible giraffes, man.

This sort of subjective grading that penalizes the students profs dont like piss me off so much. You met time and content requirements set out, you should do well!! This is why I sit on a student rep on our Senate and encourage students to appeal grades from asshole profs!

Weird. This sounds almost exactly like my experience. To the point where I wonder if we had the same teacher.

I did a speech about the Illuminati and got everyone to wear tinfoil hats as my object. I performed the first monologue of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. In an attempt to curry favour, I gushed about teachers for one of my speeches, maybe a little too sarcastically. For my persuasive I had prepared about half a speech on why Nicolas Cage is a good actor and was brought into her office to get the same spiel you did. Claiming the class didn't find me credible, even though I was voted best in class for every speech like you and followed her instructions perfectly, and that I would have to change my topic. I went hard the opposite way, and made a dry, heavy persuasive speech about assisted suicide.

I think I ended up with a B, too. But goddamn did she take her class way too seriously. The only thing I will give her is that most of my speeches were done as a character which is certainly not a good way to learn public speaking, but that wasn't even a complaint of hers!

As someone who had an awful public speaking professor in college, I approve this 100%.

Mine hated me from the start because I bought my book online and bought the wrong one by mistake (same exact title, common author last name, wrong ISBN) so she lent me hers. I was supposed to buy mine, but the assignment pages were tear-out, for which I was supposed to use my own paper to turn it in, so I decided that spending $60 on a book I'd never be able to re-sell was a waste of my money and just used hers the whole semester.

Then I gave a speech (the subject was explaining how to do something) on choosing a domain name for a website. She criticized my topic, calling it too obscure, but her rubric never required us to choose a common topic. Someone else talked about picking out certain apple species, which I'd personally consider obscure, but there you go.

Finally, she gave me a D on a speech I thought was well done, but she was pissed because I had casually mentioned it to someone before class that I had written the speech the night before instead of (as we were supposed to do) developing it over the course of a few weeks. She had me stay after class and told me how disappointed she was about that, and had no answers when I asked her what part of the speech itself I had gotten wrong.

I wish I had gone to the department head about her, but it was my first year in college and I didn't think of that. But yes, this malicious compliance holds a special place in my heart now.

Why not go to the dean and get your A? I was in collegiate debate and the one thing I never learned was how to be liked and persuasive which you freaking are without even trying.

holy shit you're retarded

Speeches are one of the most important methods of communication. Your disdain for proper speech techniques is saddening. Your teacher seemed passionate.

Sadly some of the worst bullies you'll meet in life are passive aggressive teachers

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Can we make invisible giraffes the new decoy snail?

Any chance your teacher had a hunchback?

Any chance this was MC3? I had a public teaching prof who sounds just like that.

You all need to lighten the fuck up.

Would have been a better ending if you tried to give a speech persuading the class why overly serious topics are detrimental to learning key skills in speech presentations.

Really, if people cared enough to listen through dry information they'd read the wiki page on a subject and be done with it.

I lost it at giraffe locators

Your TL;DR sucks for a post that long. You should take a Public Speaking class.

I did my persuasive speech about abolishing the FDA and replacing it with an expanded and modified Class Action regime, one in which the victims actually benefit from the outcomes of their cases. Those in class with me loved it! Those who were absent that day didn’t even like the idea. Crazy how that works.

My most memorable speech was in middle school. I've taken that class both in h.s. and in uni, but the one time I couldn't think of anything and just winged it was the most interactive.

The assignment was to teach the class how to do something. Everyone already picked everything I could think of. So, I decided to show the class how to flat iron my hair. 😂 I wake up looking like a troll doll btw. The teacher with very fine straight hair was amazed with the flat ironing process! What's worse / better... you decide, is my mother still has that speech on tape! It's was an A, but still. Mom, you've seen me do my hair how many times?! We didn't need that speech!!

Nice work! In my public speaking class, I did also speak about cannibalism and using it to cure the famine in Ireland using the poor and infirm.

I cited Jonathan Swift as my source, and my teacher literally "ate it up" grinning like a schoolboy. He was the chair of the English department, so he knew that it was Swift before I cited him. There were many horrified faces and a few "oh God, I can't listen to this..."

I had to close with an improvised "... In case you didn't know, this was satirical in nature and is based on the work of a famous satirist, Jonathan Swift..."

I got an A. I was disappointed that most people started to think that I was the next Jeffrey Dahmer for a minute ... If I wasn't a freshman I would have owned that shit and brought in rare steak sandwich for the rest of the semester.

Honestly, speeches are about speaking, not about the topic, why your prof. cared so much is beyond me. Doesn't sound like a good teacher at all.

Because it's so cool to not take your classes seriously... Your speeches sound immature as hell and trying way too hard to be ~random~. In high school it would be annoying but understandable, in college it's just amazing she didn't straight up fail you (if any of this even happened... which I doubt lmao).

This makes me really appreciate my public speaking instructor. He encouraged us to do our informative speech about something we truly enjoy - I did mine on one of my favorite authors. As for our persuasive speech he actually wanted unusual topics. Said he spent too much time listening to speeches to hear 30 reiterations of the pros and cons of capital punishment, abortion, etc. I did mine on an argument for the “Ancient Astronaut” theory for fun.

He was more concerned with us being able to confidently speak, speak clearly, and not distract from the message with fillers and flailing our arms around than the topic.

Holy shit. Best post on this sub I've seen. Solid 5/7

When you said she sat on your desk, not once, but twice? I expected your speech to be about personal space or dental hygiene, anything at all to humiliate her in front of the class.

You have more composure than I do.

I was hoping you'd give your final speech on exploring other classes and professors, basically belittling her entire life's work. I'm an asshole.

Where's the TL;DR?

Was this Henderson Community College, cause fuck that bitch. Had flash backs because of your story.

One of the core tenants of giving a speech is to know your audience.

You could make an argument that your speeches were entertaining to a vast majority of people. And that the teacher was a just a snob or had no sense of humor.

And while that may or may not be true. What is true is that you chose lulz over a better grade. If you wanted a good grade you just had to give a speech with your professor as the target audience, as opposed to yourself, or the other students.

Its like if someone handed in their math homework with a bunch of jokes about what happened to the people in the story problems and then complained the math teacher didn't have a sense of humor.

Things like a lack of enthusiasm, not believing your own topic, inability to connect with your words, and lacking confidence are real criticisms. And your criticism of a professor actually being passionate about her topic and not phoning it in, for everyone who didn't want to grow up to be public speakers is pretty weak.

This reminds me of my speech teacher in college. She gave our group the topic of sexual education and off we went. I was very new to college so I looked up and read like 500 little papers and medical journals about sex ed.

Then we went to the presentation day and we gave our evidence and stated that we were for sex ed. She then dug the cross necklace out of her shirt and started rubbing it frantically.

She would ask 3 follow up questions after each group did its speech. She grilled us for 15 minutes (not allowing two other groups to present before the end of class). I answered all her questions because I had over done my research.

We get our grades back and everyone in the group made a low C, and I made an F. Literally had positive things about our information presentation crossed out and new comments written. There were specific comments written about me saying things like "bad influence" and "ring leader"... Which I found so hilarious that I made it my call sign on a few video games.

I ended up going to the department head and complaining. He eventually talked to the rest of my group then my class and someone else graded our presentations. That instructor was never rehired.

Hey this will be a different kind of comment but I wanted to leave it anyways. This post inspired/hit me kind of hard because your memories are so vivid, and it reminded me of my speech class in college and I barely remember anything about it.

My dad has been trying to convince me to keep a daily journal, just a few lines he keeps saying, and I have put it off for a really long time, months even since I am lazy. I really have no other excuse. I work, but not so much that I can’t write a few sentences before bed.

I read your post and I immediately grabbed the journal and wrote. For the first time in what feels like years. I don’t want my current memories to escape me like the ones from my speech class did.

So yeah... thank you man. Seriously. And of course this shit was hilarious lol GG WP

I had a teacher in one of my classes like this. She would wait until I left class to go research a topic (long time ago when we had to use books) and she would read out my stuff to the class and would say stuff like "I can't fail him. His formatting and grammar is all correct. I just don't know what to do." Some teachers do not like creative students.

If you speak half as well as you write, you should have gotten an A for sure.

Edit: Do people think I was insulting you? It was two compliments in one. 1. Your writing is good. 2. Your speaking must be good since your writing is good.

You sound like a total fucking cunt. I feel bad for her, your class mates, your friends, and anyone unfortunate enough to have met you. I just wish she’d had the strength to fail you.

I ended the speech with a warning about immunizing against giraffes before you travel

Fucking lost it, lmao. Stupid long horses.

Incredible. I wish I could’ve been there for each performance!

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