Jokes aside, I think telling a person their loved one was a positive influence on your life rather than the canned phrasing of "sorry for your loss" would be a welcome change. It's all about phrasing things positively.
irou- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
totally, but how would you phrase that? "thank you for birthing him, he was very special"? "thank you for marrying him"? I swear I'm not trying to be coarse, I'm genuinely interested. I'd love to be able to say something positive instead of awkwardly defaulting to the "sorry for your loss". any ideas?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:25:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"you raised a wonderful person who will be missed"?
Yes, I agree. It should definitely be asked as a question just like that.
jas0nb ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:25:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You would open with the "He was very special, [reasons reasons reasons]", and then you can follow up with a "sorry for your loss" or something of the sort.
You just gotta try to say something like "I'm glad they were in my life." Tell the person who lost the most how that person who was lost helped you and you made you smile. The best feeling is gonna be looking back on the person for the good things, not remembering how they died or that they're dead to begin with
irou- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Classy, love it. And that's something that's happened to me before. People leave, but life continues anyways. Hopefully one day you can look back, remember only the good things and be glad it all happened to you.
It doesn't HAVE to be a "thank you" in this particular situation. Simply sharing what the person meant to you through an anecdote, example or story would be an excellent way to communicate why you cared for and also miss the person who passed.
Also, something more than one person said to me when my father passed that really stuck with me was "thank you for sharing him with me/us". Needless to say, it wasn't my choice or in my power to share or not share my father with other people, but the idea that he was so special and so dedicated to his family that sharing him with others was a "gift" they would thank me (us) for said volumes about what an amazing man he was and the impact he had on those around him.
It meant far more to me, and taught me more about him and his relationships with people, some of whom I didn't know existed, or thought were fringe players in his life, than something like "sorry for your loss" ever could have communicated.
irou- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
your old man sounds like a swell guy. I'll drink to his life.
Only if you know the deceased, right? You may not know someone (like a coworkers family member) to say whether they were a positive influence...but thats' great advise....
I'm not so sure about that, with condolences in particular it's really best to stick with the canned phrases. Someday it would be a lovely gesture to spend some time reflecting on all of the positive memories with the family, but in the immediate aftermath of the death they're probably overwhelmed with grief and unlikely to find it helpful. Check out the second answer in this miss manners column: http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2016/8/2/bus-whistlers-can-be-asked-politely
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I lost my father very suddenly and tragically about 6 years ago. Scores of people told me they were "sorry for my loss" or some other similar, well meaning and I'm sure sincere sentiment. I don't remember a one. They all blend together with the impact of someone saying "bless you" after a sneeze.
However, the people, even ones I barely knew, who took the time to share with me what my Dad meant to them with personal recollections or stories are the ones I remember even years later and still really appreciate.
A young man that worked for me when he was a teenager was killed in a accident last year. It was always a pleasure to see him around town and see how his life was progressing. I was thinking about him the other day actually. Later on the same day I was in a turn lane behind someone that had "in memory of Kevin V, Gone but not Forgotten" decal on back of truck. I followed her into grocery store parking lot. It was his mom. I started talking to her about Kevin. She remembered who I was from when he worked for me. I told her that he was a great young man and that I enjoyed catching up with him when ever I saw him. And that it was a tragedy to lose him. Normaly I wouldn't bother someone in public. Especially things like a death but he was on my mind that day and I felt I needed to tell her that yes he is gone but her son is not forgotten.
Farhanhm ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:33:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for my win, Mrs
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:12:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I killed your son.
irou- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:34 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks you for the cyanide.
Hubley ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:36:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's not apologizing for yourself though
reditum ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I literally spat all over my laptop screen. This never happened before.
It's a Japanese cartoon (Anime). OP says the exact same as one of the characters says (Emilia). It's not a bad thing but I would've wanted to see the reference in the post.
I'm OP and I never heard of it, I actually thought it was some sort of philosophy like "No Zero Days" where you equalize your actions with other people. But I did not originate the idea, I've seen it floated around the internet several times in different ways, this is my synthesis/spin on what I saw. I've found it very helpful in my personal and professional life and thought I would share.
Shapop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U should watch it, rem is life
RE90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's kind of generic advice though. I literally had this LPT in mind yesterday. I wouldn't expect OP to reference a niche TV show which happened to share the same insight.
fabio-mc ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:53:47 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly my thoughts. If people do something good for you, even if you think you were being inconvenient, thank them for it. That's a great lesson. Yeah, do apologize once, but after that, be as grateful as you can.
Grippler ยท 683 points ยท Posted at 16:14:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the first two should be used with care...
late for work? don't say "thanks for being patient" to your boss when explaining. doesn't even have to be your boss, if I make plans with my friends and hey show up an hour later, that answer will piss me off.
missed a deadline at work? saying "thanks for reminding me" is definitely a bad and snarky way to go.
lonedog ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a customer rip into me for something I had no control over. He went into this whole shpeal about how he tells his boss to only come to us because even though Kinkos is open 24/7 he'd rather deal with a locally owned company and that he should have known better than to deal with us, and his tone and attitude was complete shit and when he was done I said "Thank you for being honest." and he hung up on me. I was furious.
Ten minutes later he calls back, totally different attitude, kissing my ass. I'm sure if I had ripped into him, as he had me, I wouldn't have gotten that return call.
Uh, if you've waited for them - you've been patient. You may not be happy about it but you waited. If you left after waiting 10 minutes then you haven't been patient and why would they thank you for that?
Beeftin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:47:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if they're my ride and show up late? I've no choice but to wait. My food at a restaurant takes ages to come out? Well going somewhere else would take even longer. So I'm stuck there, too. If I were to yell every fifteen seconds about how long it was taking until the food came out, I wouldn't call that being 'patient'. To me being patient involves being pleasant while waiting.
Yeah, I think everyone is taking this and converting it to a "cash for services" mentality. If you and I were friends and I am five minutes late because I'm picking you up to take you somewhere? I don't owe you shit. Now if you paid me to pick you up - yeah, apologies or refunds or whatever are in order.
OP is talking more about the need to apologize for existing.
Bamrak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:14:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But that's what's great about it. Who gets thanked for something, then immediately insists that they don't deserve thanks?
"I'm so sorry I'm late!"
"Yeah, you better be sorry"
Versus
"Thank you so much for being patient!"
"Oh really, it was nothing, don't worry about it"
Beeftin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:12 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they're thanking me instead of apologizing in an attempt to skirt around it, then for sure I'll say something. (E.g. "Thanks for your cooperation" when I'm clearly not willing to cooperate.)
Side note, replying to an apology or expression of thanks by saying "Don't worry about it" or "No big deal" diminishes whatever it is that prompted them to say something.
I usually just say, "You're welcome" when thanked or thank them for apologizing and go from there. But as I said, not really relevant to the overall discussion.
I would say the first two shouldn't be on the list at all. If you are late for arriving or completing something, the other person probably deserves an apology.
The other items are good and the general idea of over-apologizing is not a good habit is apt.
"Thanks for being patient" seems better used in situations where you weren't late, but you weren't able to immediately interact with who you made an appointment with. "Thank you for your patience while I was on the phone."
Otherwise, I feel a "Thanks for being patient" should be combined with an apology and maybe even a brief explanation. "Sorry I'm late. I had a meeting that ran over. Thank you for being patient."
people feel the need to point out the obvious. OBVIOUSLY if you've seriously screwed up you don't look for a way out of an apology. Or if you're running an HOUR late, yeah, that's pretty stupid - so you apologize.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:10:33 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally. Even in a non work context "Thanks for being patient" is pretty disrespectful if you are late. If you are supposed to meet a friend somewhere and show up 30 minutes late you just wasted 30 minutes of their time that they could have been doing something else. That requires an apology.
I can't stand other people that seem to think their time is more valuable than the time of others.
Bamrak ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:17:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for being patient and explaining that.
SmeeGod ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:23:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, I found that saying "thanks" instead of "sorry" works in most cases, even those you outlined. It actually sounds weird but 1- it means that you are thanking them for not ditching your ass (which is a legitimate thing to say imo) and 2-if they accept the thanks, then suddenly they've done you a favor and you get the benefits of that.
I have an employee who has shown up several hours late to a shift more than once and texted me "Thank you for your understanding and patience"....I did not appreciate it. Told him instead of thanking me he should be apologizing for being late and throwing off the schedule for everyone else.
Bamrak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for letting me come to work in the morning. See you at 3.
My go to is "Crap. (Other project) you gave me got in the way. I will get both to you as soon as I possibly can."
Don't say you forgot or even imply you forgot. Just deal with it
Get it done, and move on. Deadlines are more like suggestions to be broken at the speed of sound anyways.
(Can you tell I work in the arts?)
Lyzern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh please... You're acting as if people on reddit and socially inept and wouldn't know how to differen-
Oh... Right, thanks for the advice
EMHGAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for waiting"
"You're fucking welcome, your highness. Now get your ass in the car"
pas42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is meant for social settings and not professional ones.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:36:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, work is different. You should apologize if you screw up. With friends though I find that apologizing for everything makes you seem weak and nervous.
"thank you for the first glimmer of physical human contact I have received this year, m'lady"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:53 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up on the shore of Lake Ontario and aside from frostbitten limb so numb you could drive a fire poker through it without causing pain I've tested positive for the Canadian Apologetic Factor on multiple occasions.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
EdGG ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:24:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have found it to be preferable to avoid making excuses for these otherwise unlikely shortcomings, and, instead, be direct, and move on to the task at hand.
I think this LPT is poorly given. If you actually caused someone harm or inconvenience, you should apologize (though backing that with a thank youโ"I'm sorry for being late, thank you for waiting"โcan often be helpful).
This advice comes by way of this comic, which has the point that you shouldn't say you're sorry when you mean "thank you".
I think we all know someone who apologizes too much; it can help people who do that to remember that often what you mean is that you appreciate what someone has done for you. In those cases, a "thank you" would be more useful to both parties.
I don't know how a "thank you" could be considered passive-aggressive unless it's not sincere. And I don't know why it wouldn't be sincere unless you legitimately don't appreciate someone waiting for you.
"I got stuck in traffic" just sounds like you aren't taking responsibility.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fond of the act like nothing's wrong and move on with my life method.
*Walk into restaurant to meet friends 20 minutes late
"Wow food looks good, I'm gonna get that!"
The mindset behind this is I do what I want and arrive when I feel like. Within reason.
BigBoz ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 18:30:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pedestrian " You just knocked me over and nearly killed me"
Driver "Thank you"
Bamrak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:20:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for moving so I won't have to get an alignment.
BigBoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank for the alignment, sorry about the ailment.
xZaggin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
According to OP's logic it would be more like "thank you for putting up with my bad driving skills"
Derkanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm new to not being a horrible driver. Thanks for understanding!"
Agreed, most of these statements would cause me to think the person is self centered and doesn't take responsibility for their actions. Don't thank me for waiting for your late ass. Apologize so I know you realize you're in the wrong and we can move on like adults.
MEatRHIT ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:06:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean you could do both. Thank them for being patient and apologize for being late.
I wouldn't even say "thanks for being patient" because they probably weren't being very patient. I'd just say "sorry I couldn't get here sooner; thanks for waiting". That way you're not assuming anything; you actually know they did indeed wait.
Eh... I think OP is talking about the need people have to simply apologize for existing. If someone is trying to get around you because you're walking slowly - doesn't mean you need to apologize for walking slowly, doesn't mean that person needs to apologize for being in a rush. Just don't be a dick about it and if you notice someone else not being a dick when they very clearly could be then thank them for it.
milmil__ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:58:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh.. then maybe he shouldn't have included examples where an apology actually was in order?
Examples like having a conversation and talking too much? being depressed? How are these examples where you should apologize to someone?
OP even states
When an apology is necessary, usually once is enough, repeating the apology just puts it on the other person to make you feel better. Follow-up with, "thanks for understanding."
milmil__ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:20:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It seems you dont understand the scope of the word included.
aizen6 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:41:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The real LPTs are always in the comments.
RocheBag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry for you telling me this!
tonyh322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I'm shocked to see so much pushback in the comments on this one--I actively try to do this in my life.
The reason sorta has two sides. For one, 'sorry' frames things. It's my fault and I owe you.
Also 'sorry' can be kind of a crutch. If you try to stay away from 'sorry' when you can, you often end up crafting a more specific and ultimately sincere statement.
I've done a lot of bartending, which is a pretty good lab for this kind of thing. Sometimes people have to wait a bit longer than you'd like. I don't recommend saying 'sorry bout that guys' when you finally get to them.
When you apologize, you make people feel as though they deserve an apology, which in that context is bad for both of you. Bad for their personal narrative of coming to your bar, and bad for your self worth and wallet.
I switched to a thing where I acknowledge that theyve waited (often jokingly), and then emphasize how good of a job I'm going to do.
Something like "Can any of you bartend? Because we need HELP. Ah you know what? We got it, lets just get you some badass drinks."
Imagine it's you on the barstool. Compare the bartender who says that to the bartender who says 'so sorry bout that guys'.
I like both of them, but the second guy is just a teeeeny bit my bitch. Because he owes me. When you see it on a large scale, that subtle difference between the two impressions has a slight but obvious influence.
Anders_A ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP removed his text for whatever reason, but your comment has nothing to do with what OP proposed.
He proposed you should thank people for accepting your bad behaviour, even though they hadn't told you they did, in order to difuse any need to appologize for being in the wrong.
Ie. OP proposed we should behave as douch bags.
The whole "I'm sorry" meaning "I'm in the wrong and worthless." is largely an american thing I think, it doesn't work like that in other cultures. We simply use it to acknowledge that something we did inconvenienced someone, and that we're sorry they were inconvenienced. Not necessary to communicate that we think we're in the wrong.
I don't agree with the don't apologize for being late and instead say thanks for being patient. If you are late, you owe an apology and usually an explanation AND THEN you say thanks for being patient.
The other ones make sense, and the general idea behind the advice makes sense.
[deleted] ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 18:27:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If someone did this shit to me I'd jack slap them for being an inconsiderate twat. If you're inconveniencing someone you better say you're god damn sorry.
The difference is that when you say sorry, the other person at best feels validated for being upset. When you say thank you, the other person feels appreciated for not being upset.
Obviously there are still cases where you should apologize but that's not what this tip is about. This tip is about making the other person feel better instead of asking for forgiveness for yourself.
Ogarrr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:20 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, the other person feels more annoyed because you had he arrogance to say "thank you" instead of "sorry". It just sounds knobish to me. Don't be a twat, just say sorry.
What arrogance? Your conceited presumption that the other person is deserving of appreciation and gratitude? If someone waited on you, they deserve your thanks more than just your apology.
Yeah I feel like this LPT is trying to combine two separate situations... I'd say generally if you fuck something up that was indeed under your control, you need to apologize. If something out of your control fucks something up then you can maybe use the "thank you" type scenario? I dunno... Plus I'd only say "thanks for your patience" or that stuff Op suggested if the other was actually cool about it.
Who the fuck would say "thanks for waiting" when THEY were on time and YOU were late?! You are 100% in the wrong; saying "thanks for waiting" is the most dickish and self-centred thing you can say at that point. Most moronic LPT ever.
At work people say sorry for things like almost bumping in to you or for trying to get passed someone that's blocking the walkway. Excuse me is what more people need to say.
I don't think I agree with this at all. For some reason, it smacks of assumption and lack of humility. And as an American who has previously worked in retail and customer service environments, I think this LPT is actually the exact opposite of what this country -- a characteristically entitled country -- is severely lacking: humility and compassion.
It feels like you're attributing a reaction to someone when you have literally no clue as to how they're feeling about your actions.
One can only speak for oneself, so I'd rather say "I appreciate ..." [you listening/your support/you reminding me]. This way you're equally placing yourself in the situation as well as the other's importance, and letting them genuinely know that you are expressing your thankful response.
And if they then say well you do this all the time, you then actually do have to apologize and take steps -- real, tangible discipline and determination -- to correct your behavior. Because, yes, then if you keep failing at this same thing continuously, it doesn't matter if you're thanking or apologizing -- it'll mean absolutely nothing.
This is much better than the original LPT imo. And something I need to work on, I think I have done ALL of those left-side bad habits and feel like I constantly need to apologize for my existence, which when I do just brings people down, so thanking them for listening or whatever seems a lot better. Thanks for sharing!!
I'm almost certain that is the source of this LPT. Depending on the situation, people would much rather hear thank you than sorry.
LPT: A Rem in the hand is worth two Emilias in the bush, but you can't control love.
Pretty sure people in the real world would be fucking pissed if you thanked them when youre being inconvenient and should be apologizing instead. All and all this is just a shitty tip.
they mean completely different things. the REAL LPT would be to know your options, and understand how you can utilize different wording strategically to better mean what you want to say.
hoowin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:57:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just watched Re:Zero episode 10. This was heavily featured LOL
Honestly, this LPT can cause a lot of problems socially. It's poor advice and almost like it was fabricated for the sole purpose of making a LPT on Reddit.
No, it's the advice of a narcissist who thinks that passive-aggressiveness and general assholery are how you are supposed to act with friends and colleagues.
This is the rule my wife and I have. Every time she apologizes for something I have to remind her to say thank you instead. It's so much better for both of us.
Bamrak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I shit on the stairs again. :(
Chooxch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:47:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I understand where you are coming from with examples like โsorry for being such a dragโ or โsorry for talking too muchโ, but the other examples sound a bit too much like displacing blame and avoiding responsibility.
If youโre late, whether you are at fault or not you have inconvenienced people with your delay, and you should apologize. You may also thank them for their patience in waiting, but you should definitely apologize.
If you have failed to do your job in a timely manner, and it has caused any inconveniences, you should own up and apologize as well.
Donโt think that you donโt ever owe anyone an apology. If you have erred, own up to it.
Instead of saying 'sorry' -- especially when you are not -- say 'I apologize' instead. Own up to your failings, even if there is no reason to blame yourself. It may not be YOUR fault that traffic was bad, but neither was it their fault that you were late.
I get the concept but it just wouldn't work. I get not saying the apology twice. Once it's said its done. It's over. It doesn't mean it is/was right but the fact is people have moved on from it.
But really, 9/10 the issues going on in your life to why you missed a deadline, late, being a drag, etc it's on you. If you are late, set more alarms or wake up early. I am going to be pissed at any situation you are late. If I have to fix my time to be somewhere on time I expect that person to be there as well. You miss a deadline, I will reprimand you. In my line of work I have too much going on and delegate a lot. I need to know you are doing it well. I would expect an apology as to why you did not complete it. If there are personal issues that need work I will gladly help out but I will destroy someone if they came to me with "I knew it was suppose to be done a week ago, thanks for reminding me."
akiva23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always sorry and have people always tell me "You say sorry too much"
But then I respond with "im actually never sorry" it's a more of a precursor because I dont tend to pull my punches and can be brutally honest. Especially when I'm fueled by alcohol.
jafbm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saying "thank you" is very American. It doesn't work in Korea, especially around family and friends. Thanks is implicit.
This is an actual really helpful LPT for my job. And my overall personality as well. I have been trying to interact with coworkers using this mind set, and starting off with an apology sets a tone that is hard to recover from, where a "thank you..." makes it come across that I am still very capable and knowledgeable, but had a momentary lapse.
As you said... If you're directly to blame for something, apologize. If not, use these alternatives, but maybe add a brief explanation so they're aware as to why. That way you won't be perceived as a dick if they're not sure why you were late or whatever
I feel like culturally this could EASILY be misunderstood. I don't even mean across countries. Example: I work in IT and occasionally get a response from someone in India that says "Please do the needful" after an email that basically is something I need to do. "The server is down due to X. Please do the needful." Some people get offended by that as they assume they are being told what to do rather than asked, where as other folks read it as a polite way of someone telling you what needs to be done but leaving it up to you as to how.
I'm from the southern US, and if someone was late to work and said "Thank you for being patient", I would take that as passive aggressive. If I asked "Why wasn't X done?" and they responded with "Thanks for reminding me", I would assume not only were they passive aggressive but also that they have a crap memory and can't be trusted to do things. I do think apologizing for "being a drag" isn't necessary and apologizing too much does put undue responsibility on the other person.
"I'm sorry I use too many quotation marks"
Its okay.
"No, I'm really sorry I use too many quotation marks, my school was from Texas and we didn't learn grammar"
For gods sake, you are on the internet, its fine.
I would instead recommend saying complete sentence removing "rather than"
E.g:
"Thanks for being patient, I know I'm late. I'm sorry"
It's not a big crime in analogizing someone if you know you were wrong at first place.
SmeeGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's also part of social "hacking" or whatever kids call it.
Like you basically ask them a favor after they've already done it. And your brain interprets it as "doing a favor is something friends do to each other, therefore this person must be my friend".
This LPT is one that's somehow help me a lot in my communication style and efficiency.
This reminds me of the cracked.com article on insincere apologies. It is worth reading.
Owaysnew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a woman who has been taught to apologize for everything in a position of some ranking, this is
do this to my husband. It makes him feel appreciated instead of put upon.
I think a lot of people are missing the point here. Plenty of us procrastinate and do dickheaded things here and there. Especially when someone continues to make the same mistakes saying sorry alone can be received as insulting. At least saying thank you lets the other person know you acknowledged them going above usual effort. I would just mix this in and learn when it's most appropriate when you want a certain response. Plus it takes away the need for the other person to say anything about forgiving you and you can go do whatever it is you planned.
I saw an inspirational comic about this a while back, and this is something I really needed. I've suffered from depression and apathy, my self worth being at 0 I naturally apologised for everything without even realising it. I've been consciously learning to thank more because it simply makes more sense to stay on the positive and to try not to dwell on the negative.
It took me forever to learn this lesson myself, but I'm so glad it stuck.
Guilt is useless and doesn't help you at all. It can potentially leave you feeling like you're carrying a stigma that makes you less tolerable for others and drives you away from them.
But gratitude promotes a cooperative connection that can bring you closer to people and motivate you to do good things in observance.
I ALWAYS try to convert my guilt into gratitude. And I believe it makes other people feel even better too: It puts your attention on THEM, and promotes THEIR virtue instead of your own fault. All in all it's more positive in almost every case.
NNuke77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you offend someone they don't really want an apology, they want you to be sorry enough to feel like you needed to give one. Therefore apologies are for the giver. They don't need to be accepted.
Thanks are for the recipient, not the giver. The recipient wants you to be genuinely thankful enough to make you want to even say thank you, for it to be meaningful, the saying it is irrelevant. The thanks need not be accepted at that point either.
Once you understand these two ideas life becomes easier.
AHrubik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Canadian sorry is different from the Southern U.S. sorry. Canadians are left handedly apologizing for your misunderstanding of their situation and the Southerns are telling you to go fuck yourself in a nicer manner.
mjshep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:39 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you misunderstand the advice. It's not "don't say you're sorry" or "stop apologizing"; it's if you mean thank you, then don't say "I'm sorry".
Such advice is directed toward people who will apologize needlessly as a way of showing appreciation, not toward people who have actually caused someone harm or inconvenience. Better examples include:
"Thanks for taking the time to explain that to me" instead of "Sorry you needed to explain that to me"
"Thanks for trying something new with me" rather than "sorry this didn't work out so well"
"Thanks for being there for me" rather than "sorry I'm so needy"
These cases are all things where someone did something nice for you; you should show appreciation rather than apologizing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Japanese, you actually say "excuse me" (ๅคฑ็คผใใพใ) when thanking people for everyday things which inconvenience them. It took me a long time to break the habit of saying sorry when I meant thank you when I came back to the USA.
_lbass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I already read this exact LPT some months ago...
spen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've asked my kids to say "thanks for reminding me" instead of "sorry" when I correct them. Making mistakes is a normal part of the learning process and felling guilt and shame slow down learning.
On the other hand, if they've hurt someone, this is what "sorry" is reserved for.
What the hell is this narcissistic me-me-me bullshit? This is only a Life Pro Tip if you're trying to teach someone how to be an insufferable asshole that nobody likes.
Also, don't say "sorry I'm the worst." It's not a real apology and you put all the pressure on the other person to be forgiving rather than accepting responsibility for your actions.
mrc_13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are a lot of people on here bringing up how it would anger them if they received one of the aforementioned responses.
I think OP is more referring to folks who over apologize for everything, constantly. My girlfriend is like that. She repeatedly apologizes to people when they are clearly in the wrong (except me of course). She would be benefitted by advice like OP has provided.
If you're not a person like that, then don't cut your already limited or realistic number of apologies.
I only disagree with the "sorry I'm late." You should always apologize for being late. Maybe even throw a "very" in there for good measure. Everything else is spot on.
qboyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Canadian and this post goes against everything I've ever known
Gustaf16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I can't say sorry or thanks if the other person won't to talk me. And it isn't like he moved on, he's made nothing but a ruckus about it to everyone else.
Be an adult and just talk it over.
mjshep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP: "thank you for tolerating this repost."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who says sorry A LOT (mostly because my parents used to beat that into me), I'm going to try this. Seems like good advice.
Convexus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i also decided to pick this up after watching re:zero. is that where you got this idea from lol?
zuko94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like this could also make you seem more confident and in control, particularly with reference to the "thanks for waiting" one. Like "I knew you would wait, cause I'm that important, so thank you"
Solid LPT, unless, of course, you're British. Here not saying 'sorry' at least 10 times a day would have you hounded out of the country as some sort of barbarian. So, er... Sorry.
I just opened the bathroom door and it accidentally hit a coworker on the other side in the face, how do I say thanks?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP must be from MN. I forgot how much people apologize there until I went back for a week a little while ago. 5 minute in a MN convenience store resulted in more sorrys than a month at home.
Aruno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mum was on holiday in france. Walking through the terminal in Toulouse she stepped on a French man's foot by accident. He let out a yelp and she quickly started repeating 'merci! merci!' while embarrassingly scurrying off. She didn't know the French word for sorry. The man was very confused and upset at the same time.
Aruno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mum was on holiday in france. Walking through the terminal in Toulouse she stepped on a French man's foot by accident. He let out a yelp and she quickly started repeating 'merci! merci!' while embarrassingly scurrying off. She didn't know the French word for sorry. The man was very confused and upset at the same time.
CarioGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:15 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
someone has been watching re:zero
fimari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: If you Touch boobs or asses without Intention - stick to sorry, do not try Thanks or Thank you. Thanks
This is one of the few LPTs I can actually stand behind. Saying sorry this and sorry that not only has a chance to make others uncomfortable, it also gives the other party the upper hand. Whereas a polite replacement (such as what the OP suggests with "thank you") works just as well/better and keeps the conversation positive.
Save sorrys and apologies for situations that actually demand such words. Like you just cheated on your wife with her sister/mom/brother.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP isn't saying not to apologize, OP's saying to not say sorry for everything. I would think abstaining from saying sorry over the slightest things would build confidence (not that there's a lack of for people). It's not something just "alpha males" would do, or whatever your kind call it, it's anyone who wants to build confidence. At the same time you don't sound like you want sympathy from the person and you're thanking the person
But that's just my take on it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
for that matter - saying you are "sorry" is very different from saying "i apologize". saying that you apologize is a recognition of an oversight or error. saying you are sorry is a form self deprecation.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:18:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:50:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a super excellent post. I've been over apologizing for things my whole entire life. It makes me feel weak and I've recently found my voice and I've stopped being over apologetic for things. I really like the examples given. Very helpful!
I was reprimanded for making out with a girl at a Mormon run boarding school and the dean or whatever he's called dropped the line "Never say you're sorry. Sorry is a sorry word." Then I was sentenced to 1 week of bootcamp style punishment.
irou- ยท 1427 points ยท Posted at 17:51:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for your loss, Mrs."
[deleted] ยท 333 points ยท Posted at 18:38:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
johnjrllee ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 19:06:36 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh IT Crowd reference
gisquestions ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 19:33:21 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh reference understander
[deleted] ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 19:38:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh referernce understander spotter
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:43:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh reference understander spotter noticer
kawaiikawa ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 19:48:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh reference understander spotter noticer commenter
fb5a1199 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:50:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh piece of candy
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh penny with heads facing up
kawaiikawa ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:04:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh a penny with heads facing down
RagingRedHerpes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh blisters on my junk
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:17 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh that's not good
Binosaimi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh a penny with no heads
kawaiikawa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:54 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But does it have two tails?
Binosaimi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:06 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It had what seems like a tail, though it was cut for some reason.
shebendstheboxes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:40 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh Family Guy reference
unfeelingzeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh piece of candy
BrunoWolfRam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:32:40 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh piece of karma
WarVDine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:08 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh piece of candy
Deathgice ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:50:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh reference understander spotter noticer commenter replier
Juggernog ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:00:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh reference understander spotter noticed commenter replier person EXTREME
munnimi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:13:20 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
SQUIRREL!!
Shadow00941 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
DONKEY!
irou- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:50 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
C C C C C Combo Breaker!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:12 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oooo friend!
ArcaneArmadillo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:04:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Might as well link the scene
BlameIt_OnTheTetons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So it goes
theslyder ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 19:49:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes aside, I think telling a person their loved one was a positive influence on your life rather than the canned phrasing of "sorry for your loss" would be a welcome change. It's all about phrasing things positively.
irou- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
totally, but how would you phrase that? "thank you for birthing him, he was very special"? "thank you for marrying him"? I swear I'm not trying to be coarse, I'm genuinely interested. I'd love to be able to say something positive instead of awkwardly defaulting to the "sorry for your loss". any ideas?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:25:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"you raised a wonderful person who will be missed"?
Im_A_Parrot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:50:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I agree. It should definitely be asked as a question just like that.
jas0nb ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:25:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You would open with the "He was very special, [reasons reasons reasons]", and then you can follow up with a "sorry for your loss" or something of the sort.
Pidjinfucker ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:33:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You just gotta try to say something like "I'm glad they were in my life." Tell the person who lost the most how that person who was lost helped you and you made you smile. The best feeling is gonna be looking back on the person for the good things, not remembering how they died or that they're dead to begin with
irou- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Classy, love it. And that's something that's happened to me before. People leave, but life continues anyways. Hopefully one day you can look back, remember only the good things and be glad it all happened to you.
allnamesgon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:57:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't HAVE to be a "thank you" in this particular situation. Simply sharing what the person meant to you through an anecdote, example or story would be an excellent way to communicate why you cared for and also miss the person who passed.
Also, something more than one person said to me when my father passed that really stuck with me was "thank you for sharing him with me/us". Needless to say, it wasn't my choice or in my power to share or not share my father with other people, but the idea that he was so special and so dedicated to his family that sharing him with others was a "gift" they would thank me (us) for said volumes about what an amazing man he was and the impact he had on those around him.
It meant far more to me, and taught me more about him and his relationships with people, some of whom I didn't know existed, or thought were fringe players in his life, than something like "sorry for your loss" ever could have communicated.
irou- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
your old man sounds like a swell guy. I'll drink to his life.
coconut311oil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
That was coarse as hell jk
5exyb3a5t ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:08 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Idea is to remind them how the person positively impacted the world around them instead of reminding them of their loss.
NoReligionPlz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only if you know the deceased, right? You may not know someone (like a coworkers family member) to say whether they were a positive influence...but thats' great advise....
-dantastic- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:55 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not so sure about that, with condolences in particular it's really best to stick with the canned phrases. Someday it would be a lovely gesture to spend some time reflecting on all of the positive memories with the family, but in the immediate aftermath of the death they're probably overwhelmed with grief and unlikely to find it helpful. Check out the second answer in this miss manners column: http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2016/8/2/bus-whistlers-can-be-asked-politely
allnamesgon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I lost my father very suddenly and tragically about 6 years ago. Scores of people told me they were "sorry for my loss" or some other similar, well meaning and I'm sure sincere sentiment. I don't remember a one. They all blend together with the impact of someone saying "bless you" after a sneeze.
However, the people, even ones I barely knew, who took the time to share with me what my Dad meant to them with personal recollections or stories are the ones I remember even years later and still really appreciate.
sirtagsalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
A young man that worked for me when he was a teenager was killed in a accident last year. It was always a pleasure to see him around town and see how his life was progressing. I was thinking about him the other day actually. Later on the same day I was in a turn lane behind someone that had "in memory of Kevin V, Gone but not Forgotten" decal on back of truck. I followed her into grocery store parking lot. It was his mom. I started talking to her about Kevin. She remembered who I was from when he worked for me. I told her that he was a great young man and that I enjoyed catching up with him when ever I saw him. And that it was a tragedy to lose him. Normaly I wouldn't bother someone in public. Especially things like a death but he was on my mind that day and I felt I needed to tell her that yes he is gone but her son is not forgotten.
Farhanhm ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:33:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for my win, Mrs
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:12:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I killed your son.
irou- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:34 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks you for the cyanide.
Hubley ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:36:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's not apologizing for yourself though
reditum ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I literally spat all over my laptop screen. This never happened before.
Notorganic ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 19:31:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You'll never guess what happened next!
Fysio ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:46:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He cleaned it up?
daddyscientist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:01:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Laptop makers hate him!
kbecks06 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe you've done this
mib_sum1ls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nothingeverhappens
minusSeven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thank you for that.
๐๏ธ zazzlekdazzle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Taking this one literally opens so many opportunities for comedy. "Thank you, I just ran over your cat."
OH_NO_MR_BILL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:26 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for understanding that I was in a hurry when I ran over your cat.
BABOON-CN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Genuinely made me grin with immature admiration
trimmer99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
upvote for the laugh
Adamapplejacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or is it "Miss" now?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I can think of at least one occasion at which saying this would be appropriate.
canadaslasthope ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 17:58:52 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re Zero comes to mind.
smokingdankweed ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:23:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Was looking for this
๐๏ธ zazzlekdazzle ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:55:42 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So many mentions of this, what is Re Zero?
AbdullahNF ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:03:50 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a Japanese cartoon (Anime). OP says the exact same as one of the characters says (Emilia). It's not a bad thing but I would've wanted to see the reference in the post.
๐๏ธ zazzlekdazzle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:07:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm OP and I never heard of it, I actually thought it was some sort of philosophy like "No Zero Days" where you equalize your actions with other people. But I did not originate the idea, I've seen it floated around the internet several times in different ways, this is my synthesis/spin on what I saw. I've found it very helpful in my personal and professional life and thought I would share.
canadaslasthope ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:15:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry bud, just reminded me of a show Ive been watching. (:
๐๏ธ zazzlekdazzle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:16:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No worries, thanks for making me more culturally literate.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cattoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed, but it kinda scrapes at your life in the more recent episodes...
andrewchi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The latest one felt a little too real. Which is, among other reasons, why it makes me rank this series my current no. 1.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:19:47 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Without a doubt #1 right now.
RE90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Sorry" or "thank you"?
canadaslasthope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:17:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhhh you.
Shapop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
U should watch it, rem is life
RE90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's kind of generic advice though. I literally had this LPT in mind yesterday. I wouldn't expect OP to reference a niche TV show which happened to share the same insight.
reflektive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:14 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Resident Evil: Zero
fabio-mc ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:53:47 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly my thoughts. If people do something good for you, even if you think you were being inconvenient, thank them for it. That's a great lesson. Yeah, do apologize once, but after that, be as grateful as you can.
Alienplatypus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:27:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah was also expecting to see this here, so identical to the message in the show I'm surprised OP didn't take it from there
The_Spacebar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:29:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Literally saw that episode yesterday. Sick!
Zextillion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:42:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I should say 'thank you' instead of 'sorry' right now, huh?
canadaslasthope ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:22 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My heart
Grippler ยท 683 points ยท Posted at 16:14:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
the first two should be used with care...
late for work? don't say "thanks for being patient" to your boss when explaining. doesn't even have to be your boss, if I make plans with my friends and hey show up an hour later, that answer will piss me off.
missed a deadline at work? saying "thanks for reminding me" is definitely a bad and snarky way to go.
ninjabortles ยท 328 points ยท Posted at 17:28:34 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Combine the two. "Hey, sorry I'm late, I appreciate you being patient." Something like that.
Beeftin ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 17:36:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But I wasn't patient. I was bitching the whole time about how late you were.
iron_flutterby ยท 338 points ยท Posted at 18:03:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your honesty.
lonedog ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I had a customer rip into me for something I had no control over. He went into this whole shpeal about how he tells his boss to only come to us because even though Kinkos is open 24/7 he'd rather deal with a locally owned company and that he should have known better than to deal with us, and his tone and attitude was complete shit and when he was done I said "Thank you for being honest." and he hung up on me. I was furious.
Ten minutes later he calls back, totally different attitude, kissing my ass. I'm sure if I had ripped into him, as he had me, I wouldn't have gotten that return call.
Sometimes a "thank you" does real stuff.
SugarCoatedThumbtack ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:24:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your experience
ranciddan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:21 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your comment.
Derkanus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:35:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for letting me correct that as "spiel."
Beeftin ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 18:25:17 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
People thanking me for my assumed response to something that hasn't even happened yet just makes me want to do the opposite. Grr
akatherder ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 18:37:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for being forgiving in this matter.
unfeelingzeal ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:51:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thank you for not doing the opposite.
onereadersrecord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
oooo, I feel like this is an entry test into a labyrinth.
genejg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Or the start of the world of The Giver
ScottySF ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:54:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Push the status quo man. Tell them to shove the thanks up their ass.
Beeftin ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:57:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you in advance for the letter of dismissal."
Am I doing this right?
Bamrak ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:13:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for trying.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:15:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
ForeheadVCR ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:42:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, if you've waited for them - you've been patient. You may not be happy about it but you waited. If you left after waiting 10 minutes then you haven't been patient and why would they thank you for that?
Beeftin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:47:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if they're my ride and show up late? I've no choice but to wait. My food at a restaurant takes ages to come out? Well going somewhere else would take even longer. So I'm stuck there, too. If I were to yell every fifteen seconds about how long it was taking until the food came out, I wouldn't call that being 'patient'. To me being patient involves being pleasant while waiting.
ForeheadVCR ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:51:33 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I think everyone is taking this and converting it to a "cash for services" mentality. If you and I were friends and I am five minutes late because I'm picking you up to take you somewhere? I don't owe you shit. Now if you paid me to pick you up - yeah, apologies or refunds or whatever are in order.
OP is talking more about the need to apologize for existing.
Bamrak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:14:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for not driving off.
Reborn4122 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:52 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Candor guys!
Throtex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your graciousness.
OddaJosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for letting me be myself. I want to thank you.
HodortheGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I am sorry for your honesty.
takeme2infinity ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:03:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP your LPT is trash
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:17:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
uhhh, I love you?
_Unexpected_expert_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your love.
ProfessionalDicker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:34 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
That's your problem. You are welcomed to leave. That you waited means you were, in fact, patient. So, thanks.
Beeftin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. Impatient as fuck, bro.
Defenestranded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:30 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
if you weren't patient, you would've moved on without them.
Beeftin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:55 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Look at Mr. FancyPants here with his multiple options given a hypothetical situation.
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:12 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But that's what's great about it. Who gets thanked for something, then immediately insists that they don't deserve thanks?
"I'm so sorry I'm late!"
"Yeah, you better be sorry"
Versus
"Thank you so much for being patient!"
"Oh really, it was nothing, don't worry about it"
Beeftin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:12 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If they're thanking me instead of apologizing in an attempt to skirt around it, then for sure I'll say something. (E.g. "Thanks for your cooperation" when I'm clearly not willing to cooperate.)
Side note, replying to an apology or expression of thanks by saying "Don't worry about it" or "No big deal" diminishes whatever it is that prompted them to say something.
I usually just say, "You're welcome" when thanked or thank them for apologizing and go from there. But as I said, not really relevant to the overall discussion.
PunctuationsOptional ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:17 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I went through this not that long ago. Waited 3+ hours at a fucking donut shop... If I wasn't a Christian...
Lol jk. But srsly, if the dude wasn't an old, and good, friend I woulda flipped shit.
Nightguard119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's the implication that gets you
Beeftin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The thing is that sheโs not gonna say no, sheโd never say noโฆbecause of the implication.
Nightguard119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There is no real danger
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:06:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:58:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
real LPT in the comments
Jahonay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:42 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the key here is to be observant of what you're saying. If you're appologizing for something, think about what to say for more than 10 seconds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
this works well on the phone or email: "Thank you for (or I appreciate your...) being gracious".
Toby_dog ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:46:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Some of those could definitely be interpreted as incredibly rude depending upon the situation. Sometimes apologies are appropriate
hoodtacos ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:03:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Directions unclear, told my boss to be patient during the meeting I was supposed to present.
sarcasticorange ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:04:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would say the first two shouldn't be on the list at all. If you are late for arriving or completing something, the other person probably deserves an apology.
The other items are good and the general idea of over-apologizing is not a good habit is apt.
Whispering_Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thanks for being patient" seems better used in situations where you weren't late, but you weren't able to immediately interact with who you made an appointment with. "Thank you for your patience while I was on the phone."
Otherwise, I feel a "Thanks for being patient" should be combined with an apology and maybe even a brief explanation. "Sorry I'm late. I had a meeting that ran over. Thank you for being patient."
BoyWhoCanDoAnything ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:28:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think the point is supposed to be to only apologise when you're genuinely sorry about something rather than as a matter of course.
Reefpirate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:18:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh great, now you're telling me you're not sorry that you were late?
Whispering_Shadows ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely.
"Thanks for being patient, because I had better things to do. Like grab this coffee and doughnut that I shall proceed to consume in front of you."
BoyWhoCanDoAnything ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:52 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Hey, eating a doughnut?
Whispering_Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for watching me masticate.
BoyWhoCanDoAnything ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for understanding.
ForeheadVCR ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:41:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
people feel the need to point out the obvious. OBVIOUSLY if you've seriously screwed up you don't look for a way out of an apology. Or if you're running an HOUR late, yeah, that's pretty stupid - so you apologize.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:10:33 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Whispering_Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel compelled to do that when I want something that may not be part of their job, is additional work, or I'm going to be criticizing them.
"Sorry to bother you, but you need to rewrite this entire project proposal because the scope of the work changed, plus the last one sucked."
no-strings-attached ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:11:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally. Even in a non work context "Thanks for being patient" is pretty disrespectful if you are late. If you are supposed to meet a friend somewhere and show up 30 minutes late you just wasted 30 minutes of their time that they could have been doing something else. That requires an apology.
I can't stand other people that seem to think their time is more valuable than the time of others.
Bamrak ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:17:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for being patient and explaining that.
SmeeGod ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:23:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, I found that saying "thanks" instead of "sorry" works in most cases, even those you outlined. It actually sounds weird but 1- it means that you are thanking them for not ditching your ass (which is a legitimate thing to say imo) and 2-if they accept the thanks, then suddenly they've done you a favor and you get the benefits of that.
lovesavestheday82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:09 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This.
pdperson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Totally agree. It's presumptuous and condescending.
stagehandyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have an employee who has shown up several hours late to a shift more than once and texted me "Thank you for your understanding and patience"....I did not appreciate it. Told him instead of thanking me he should be apologizing for being late and throwing off the schedule for everyone else.
Bamrak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for letting me come to work in the morning. See you at 3.
leviathaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for letting me know that I should have not deleted those files.
Hugh_Jass_Clouds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My go to is "Crap. (Other project) you gave me got in the way. I will get both to you as soon as I possibly can."
Don't say you forgot or even imply you forgot. Just deal with it Get it done, and move on. Deadlines are more like suggestions to be broken at the speed of sound anyways.
(Can you tell I work in the arts?)
Lyzern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh please... You're acting as if people on reddit and socially inept and wouldn't know how to differen-
Oh... Right, thanks for the advice
EMHGAMES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for waiting"
"You're fucking welcome, your highness. Now get your ass in the car"
pas42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is meant for social settings and not professional ones.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:36:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, work is different. You should apologize if you screw up. With friends though I find that apologizing for everything makes you seem weak and nervous.
winterf0x ยท 251 points ยท Posted at 16:19:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop trying to suppress my Canadian nature.
Beeftin ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 17:36:55 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry
ShaneH7646 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you*
๐๏ธ zazzlekdazzle ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 17:03:55 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes, I should have put in a Canadian (Anglo-only) disclaimer.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:03:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
nukebie ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 19:07:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Only once a day? DO YOU EVEN TRY!?
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:08 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
don't even try and act like francophones are apologetic Canadians
I got hit by a car as a pedestrian with a walk sign on a green light in Quebec and the guy told me to go fuck myself
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, really?
TastefulBukake ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:11:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, that you forgot aboot us.
browster ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:24:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your patience with this tip
ShowMeYourTiddles ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:03:15 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My pleasure. It's best when the tip is given carefully and tenderly.
d_smogh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:49:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong sub.
Zahahac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But at least the username checks out?
Kylo-renaldi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ee can change that you and me ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
MustardVine69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:26 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry
Sennirak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:33:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for bumping into me", doesn't seem to have the same effect as "sorry" in an accidental pedestrian collision.
just_leavingthishere ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:40:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe as a creepy pick up line. Bump into attractive person:
"Thank you for bumping into, you're now mine, let's get married"
Sennirak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:44:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for bumping into me, shall we bump uglies?
ron1992 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:47:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for bumping into me, we should smash pissers"
Cornupication ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"thank you for the first glimmer of physical human contact I have received this year, m'lady"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:53 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up on the shore of Lake Ontario and aside from frostbitten limb so numb you could drive a fire poker through it without causing pain I've tested positive for the Canadian Apologetic Factor on multiple occasions.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a Minnesotan, two sorry's is acceptable.
Ramza_Claus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:52:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
He said stop saying "sorry". You may continue to say "soary".
Fat_Fucking_Lenny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:17 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment here.
marbotty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:22 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for no longer being Canadian
[deleted] ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 18:23:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Man... Thank you feels passive aggressive. I'd much rather say what I did rather than say either of those.
"You're late"
"I got stuck in traffic"
[deleted] ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:55:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You're masturbating in public."
"I got horny."
I dunno I think the situation dictates the response here.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 18:58:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you might work in that situation, "You're masturbating in public."
"Thank you"
mib_sum1ls ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:36:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
" You're masturbating in public."
"I got stuck in traffic."
ShaneH7646 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:14:30 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You're masturbating in public."
"Yes."
PM-ME-UR-NUDES- ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 18:58:21 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for watching!
AngelicBastard ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:27:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And as always, thanks for watching.
Whispering_Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for catching.
Bamrak ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:18:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I apologize for staining your pants.
Whispering_Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tsk. Tsk. No apologizing. It's "Thank you for wearing pants my jism didn't make a mess."
liquidthc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:46:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you
HodortheGreat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:11:30 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for being so patient with me. I just need 30 more seconds, and yes, I would like a receipt.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:20:52 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheMisterFlux ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:29:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Even if you were stuck in traffic, you can still let the person know and own up to it all at once.
"Sorry I'm late; I should have accounted for the traffic. Thank you for sticking around."
nick_storm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:15:08 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You're not listening to me"
"I got stuck in traffic"
EdGG ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:24:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have found it to be preferable to avoid making excuses for these otherwise unlikely shortcomings, and, instead, be direct, and move on to the task at hand.
"You're late."
"Fuck you. Where's my coffee?"
cupocosmos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You're late."
"I agree."
loljetfuel ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:01:50 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this LPT is poorly given. If you actually caused someone harm or inconvenience, you should apologize (though backing that with a thank youโ"I'm sorry for being late, thank you for waiting"โcan often be helpful).
This advice comes by way of this comic, which has the point that you shouldn't say you're sorry when you mean "thank you".
I think we all know someone who apologizes too much; it can help people who do that to remember that often what you mean is that you appreciate what someone has done for you. In those cases, a "thank you" would be more useful to both parties.
Mullet_Ben ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know how a "thank you" could be considered passive-aggressive unless it's not sincere. And I don't know why it wouldn't be sincere unless you legitimately don't appreciate someone waiting for you.
"I got stuck in traffic" just sounds like you aren't taking responsibility.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:55:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fond of the act like nothing's wrong and move on with my life method.
*Walk into restaurant to meet friends 20 minutes late
"Wow food looks good, I'm gonna get that!"
The mindset behind this is I do what I want and arrive when I feel like. Within reason.
BigBoz ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 18:30:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pedestrian " You just knocked me over and nearly killed me"
Driver "Thank you"
Bamrak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:20:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for moving so I won't have to get an alignment.
BigBoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank for the alignment, sorry about the ailment.
xZaggin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
According to OP's logic it would be more like "thank you for putting up with my bad driving skills"
Derkanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm new to not being a horrible driver. Thanks for understanding!"
Drives into lake
Whispering_Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for fleeing for your life."
HodortheGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thank you for being so understanding, now I don't have to explain the situation to myself."
WalterSteinhof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for not dying.
Anders_A ยท 167 points ยท Posted at 18:22:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Don't force people into accepting your bad behaviour by preemptively thanking them for doing it.
someinfosecguy ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 18:48:52 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed, most of these statements would cause me to think the person is self centered and doesn't take responsibility for their actions. Don't thank me for waiting for your late ass. Apologize so I know you realize you're in the wrong and we can move on like adults.
MEatRHIT ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:06:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I mean you could do both. Thank them for being patient and apologize for being late.
TheMisterFlux ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:27:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even say "thanks for being patient" because they probably weren't being very patient. I'd just say "sorry I couldn't get here sooner; thanks for waiting". That way you're not assuming anything; you actually know they did indeed wait.
someinfosecguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:46 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. This apologizes for your mistake and thanks them for their effort in dealing with your mistake.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:03:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
lithodora ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I do this very well in my business life. I fail at it in my personal life and to some extent should.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
lithodora ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:19 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And dating is Sales...
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who receives a compliment and immediately assumes the other person is self-centered for recognizing and appreciating the goodness in them?
someinfosecguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:58 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if you honestly believe that or if you forgot the /s lol.
unfeelingzeal ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:52:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i'm sorry i didn't know this before.
jargoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:22 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for adjusting your opinion
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:20:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Bamrak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:51:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're on tracks for greatness!
ForeheadVCR ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:45:47 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh... I think OP is talking about the need people have to simply apologize for existing. If someone is trying to get around you because you're walking slowly - doesn't mean you need to apologize for walking slowly, doesn't mean that person needs to apologize for being in a rush. Just don't be a dick about it and if you notice someone else not being a dick when they very clearly could be then thank them for it.
milmil__ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:58:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Eh.. then maybe he shouldn't have included examples where an apology actually was in order?
ForeheadVCR ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:12:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Examples like having a conversation and talking too much? being depressed? How are these examples where you should apologize to someone?
OP even states
milmil__ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:20:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It seems you dont understand the scope of the word included.
aizen6 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:41:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The real LPTs are always in the comments.
RocheBag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry for you telling me this!
tonyh322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:24:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for pointing out how bad this LPT is.
seabassseabreeze ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:11:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Man, I'm shocked to see so much pushback in the comments on this one--I actively try to do this in my life.
The reason sorta has two sides. For one, 'sorry' frames things. It's my fault and I owe you.
Also 'sorry' can be kind of a crutch. If you try to stay away from 'sorry' when you can, you often end up crafting a more specific and ultimately sincere statement.
I've done a lot of bartending, which is a pretty good lab for this kind of thing. Sometimes people have to wait a bit longer than you'd like. I don't recommend saying 'sorry bout that guys' when you finally get to them.
When you apologize, you make people feel as though they deserve an apology, which in that context is bad for both of you. Bad for their personal narrative of coming to your bar, and bad for your self worth and wallet.
I switched to a thing where I acknowledge that theyve waited (often jokingly), and then emphasize how good of a job I'm going to do.
Something like "Can any of you bartend? Because we need HELP. Ah you know what? We got it, lets just get you some badass drinks."
Imagine it's you on the barstool. Compare the bartender who says that to the bartender who says 'so sorry bout that guys'.
I like both of them, but the second guy is just a teeeeny bit my bitch. Because he owes me. When you see it on a large scale, that subtle difference between the two impressions has a slight but obvious influence.
Anders_A ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP removed his text for whatever reason, but your comment has nothing to do with what OP proposed.
He proposed you should thank people for accepting your bad behaviour, even though they hadn't told you they did, in order to difuse any need to appologize for being in the wrong.
Ie. OP proposed we should behave as douch bags.
The whole "I'm sorry" meaning "I'm in the wrong and worthless." is largely an american thing I think, it doesn't work like that in other cultures. We simply use it to acknowledge that something we did inconvenienced someone, and that we're sorry they were inconvenienced. Not necessary to communicate that we think we're in the wrong.
OH_NO_MR_BILL ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:16:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're not forcing them to do anything, they don't have to accept it no matter what you say.
ChosenBrad1322 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 18:46:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I don't agree with the don't apologize for being late and instead say thanks for being patient. If you are late, you owe an apology and usually an explanation AND THEN you say thanks for being patient.
The other ones make sense, and the general idea behind the advice makes sense.
[deleted] ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 18:27:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If someone did this shit to me I'd jack slap them for being an inconsiderate twat. If you're inconveniencing someone you better say you're god damn sorry.
brocahantas ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 19:33:15 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah this is so stupid. How about apologize for yourself whenever you do something that warrants an apology?
"Honey I asked you three times to put up those shelves in the basement."
"Thank you for reminding me."
Fuck outta here. Don't be a dick.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:43:21 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What if it's accompanied by immediately going to do it (or making concrete plans to do it)?
brocahantas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:57:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Still deserves an apology, and frankly I don't understand OP's (and anyone else's) issue with a simple "I'm sorry" if you fucked up.
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you think an apology would be sincere, but an expression of thanks is insincere?
Saying "sorry" isn't going to hang the damn shelves.
brocahantas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:26 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that it's insincere, it's that it's not an apology. If you fuck up, don't say "thank you," say "sorry."
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:17 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The difference is that when you say sorry, the other person at best feels validated for being upset. When you say thank you, the other person feels appreciated for not being upset.
Obviously there are still cases where you should apologize but that's not what this tip is about. This tip is about making the other person feel better instead of asking for forgiveness for yourself.
Ogarrr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:30:20 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, the other person feels more annoyed because you had he arrogance to say "thank you" instead of "sorry". It just sounds knobish to me. Don't be a twat, just say sorry.
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:34:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
What arrogance? Your conceited presumption that the other person is deserving of appreciation and gratitude? If someone waited on you, they deserve your thanks more than just your apology.
TakingOnWater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:40 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I feel like this LPT is trying to combine two separate situations... I'd say generally if you fuck something up that was indeed under your control, you need to apologize. If something out of your control fucks something up then you can maybe use the "thank you" type scenario? I dunno... Plus I'd only say "thanks for your patience" or that stuff Op suggested if the other was actually cool about it.
Yeah this LPT is weird...
funkadunkalunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Who the fuck would say "thanks for waiting" when THEY were on time and YOU were late?! You are 100% in the wrong; saying "thanks for waiting" is the most dickish and self-centred thing you can say at that point. Most moronic LPT ever.
covert-pops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
At work people say sorry for things like almost bumping in to you or for trying to get passed someone that's blocking the walkway. Excuse me is what more people need to say.
ExbronentialGrowth ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:54:26 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I don't think I agree with this at all. For some reason, it smacks of assumption and lack of humility. And as an American who has previously worked in retail and customer service environments, I think this LPT is actually the exact opposite of what this country -- a characteristically entitled country -- is severely lacking: humility and compassion.
It feels like you're attributing a reaction to someone when you have literally no clue as to how they're feeling about your actions.
One can only speak for oneself, so I'd rather say "I appreciate ..." [you listening/your support/you reminding me]. This way you're equally placing yourself in the situation as well as the other's importance, and letting them genuinely know that you are expressing your thankful response.
And if they then say well you do this all the time, you then actually do have to apologize and take steps -- real, tangible discipline and determination -- to correct your behavior. Because, yes, then if you keep failing at this same thing continuously, it doesn't matter if you're thanking or apologizing -- it'll mean absolutely nothing.
fat_lazy_american ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:38:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Great point. I agree. I know way too many people tied to their egos which won't let them own up to any faults in their character or judgement.
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:30 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What is the functional difference between "I appreciate" and "thank you?" What makes "I appreciate" any more genuine?
Blaxmith ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:50:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop apologizing? Sounds like an awful LPT
PuffinGreen ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:32:55 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian here, I'm sorry I just don't think I could do this.
ReluctantPawn ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:18:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You totally ripped this off a great comic.
https://brightside.me/article/stop-saying-sorry-if-you-want-to-say-thank-you-a-seriously-insightful-cartoon-57255/
huckleberrypancake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is much better than the original LPT imo. And something I need to work on, I think I have done ALL of those left-side bad habits and feel like I constantly need to apologize for my existence, which when I do just brings people down, so thanking them for listening or whatever seems a lot better. Thanks for sharing!!
AvatarEvan ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:30:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
re:zero providing some LPTs
smokingdankweed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah for real
KaboomOxyCln ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:58:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone has been watching Re:Zero I see.
-Electro- ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:24:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I thought the same thing when I saw this
wolfpwarrior ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:20:12 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm almost certain that is the source of this LPT. Depending on the situation, people would much rather hear thank you than sorry. LPT: A Rem in the hand is worth two Emilias in the bush, but you can't control love.
smokingdankweed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yep
pwasma_dwagon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure people in the real world would be fucking pissed if you thanked them when youre being inconvenient and should be apologizing instead. All and all this is just a shitty tip.
ManBitesGod ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:32:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: say "go fuck yourself" rather than "sorry"
"you made me late for work" => " go fuck yourself"
"your such a drag" => " go fuck yourself"
"You tell people to fuck themselves too often" => "oh, I'm sorry. go sodomise yourself"
be sure to flip the bird to really drive home the point.
newindianclassic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:57:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Real LPT is always in the comments
HodortheGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
But before you do this make sure to have an adequate amount of fuck you money.
funkmasterhexbyte ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:07:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
instructions unclear, girlfriend broke up with me
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:21:20 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
funkmasterhexbyte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Follow the right LPT
amelie_poulain_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:55:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
they mean completely different things. the REAL LPT would be to know your options, and understand how you can utilize different wording strategically to better mean what you want to say.
hoowin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:57:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just watched Re:Zero episode 10. This was heavily featured LOL
smokingdankweed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Lol first thing i tought of when i saw this post
FailedTech ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 18:25:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How about you take responsibility for your mistakes instead of acting like a self important douche.
funkmasterhexbyte ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:06:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thanks for the suggestion
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:20:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I see what you did there :-)
TheMisterFlux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry.
datboi360 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 18:38:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the dumbest LPT I've read in a while.
antonyarthur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:39 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks
pwasma_dwagon ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:04:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Weebs are upvoting the hell out of this because its taken from a popular animu, not because its good
Littlemeggie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:36:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
English people say sorry about 100x a day...even today some guy almost walked into me outside a shop and I immediately said 'sorry' Edit: seems as an English woman I am 'sorry-tastic' https://yougov.co.uk/news/2015/07/01/oh-sorry-do-british-people-apologise-too-much/
cogsandconsciousness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in the USA and I do this too. Right after I say "sorry" for someone almost running into me I feel really stupid.
damndammit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:48:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, won't happen again.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:40:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
brianunderstands ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:07:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you I gave you herpes.
iopredman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:21:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Someone's been watching Re:Zero
HerpaDerpaShmerpadin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:22:22 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
ARE YOU FUCKING THANKFUL!?
LukeLC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:24:53 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This LPT brought to you by: Re:Zero.
I knew I watched anime for a reason!
ButtSlamingtun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:29:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Did you watch Re:Zero recently?
Enjoying_A_Meal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:57:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Me at Dairy Queen;
grabs wrong order, got banana split instead of cheap 1 dollar sundae.
Guy: "hey that's my order"
Me while maintaining eye contact to establish dominance, "Thank you."
Walk through door and bumps into little girl carrying 3 slushies. Spills all 3 on both of us.
Me while maintaining eye contact to establish dominance: "Thank you" walks away while little girl starts crying.
Get pulled over for rolling a stop sign cause I'm busy eating my banana split and drying my socks on the AC.
Cop, "license and registration please."
Me maintaining eye contact to establish dominance, "No, Thank you."
Drives away into the sunset. This was the greatest advice I ever had and it changed my life, Thank you.
your-beast-of-burden ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:34:42 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a Saturday comic with each of these examples and a few more, it's a good comic to check out.
StrangeAlternative ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, this LPT can cause a lot of problems socially. It's poor advice and almost like it was fabricated for the sole purpose of making a LPT on Reddit.
BananaPalmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No, it's the advice of a narcissist who thinks that passive-aggressiveness and general assholery are how you are supposed to act with friends and colleagues.
StrangeAlternative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:13 on August 12, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
How the hell did it get upvoted so much....
dr_nerdface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:21:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
instead of apologizing, i mostly just say "you're welcome". YMMV.
FrameItaly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I really appreciate this LPT.
STOP____HAMMER_TIME ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:40:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is the rule my wife and I have. Every time she apologizes for something I have to remind her to say thank you instead. It's so much better for both of us.
Bamrak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I shit on the stairs again. :(
Chooxch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:47:25 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for not thanking you.
w00ty-t00ty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck you very much for letting me come all over you
TheMaStif ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I understand where you are coming from with examples like โsorry for being such a dragโ or โsorry for talking too muchโ, but the other examples sound a bit too much like displacing blame and avoiding responsibility.
If youโre late, whether you are at fault or not you have inconvenienced people with your delay, and you should apologize. You may also thank them for their patience in waiting, but you should definitely apologize.
If you have failed to do your job in a timely manner, and it has caused any inconveniences, you should own up and apologize as well.
Donโt think that you donโt ever owe anyone an apology. If you have erred, own up to it.
CptSchwull ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
And how exactly is this supposed to work?
BananaPalmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't. If someone pulled this shit with me I would tell them to go get scraped.
Translation when using this for being late: "Thank you for tolerating my utter disregard for your time. It will happen again, so get used to it."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a Canadian this is nearly impossible to do. Sorry for wasting your time with this comment.
LousyTourist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:32:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT:
Instead of saying 'sorry' -- especially when you are not -- say 'I apologize' instead. Own up to your failings, even if there is no reason to blame yourself. It may not be YOUR fault that traffic was bad, but neither was it their fault that you were late.
Boozeman09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:36:39 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
I get the concept but it just wouldn't work. I get not saying the apology twice. Once it's said its done. It's over. It doesn't mean it is/was right but the fact is people have moved on from it.
But really, 9/10 the issues going on in your life to why you missed a deadline, late, being a drag, etc it's on you. If you are late, set more alarms or wake up early. I am going to be pissed at any situation you are late. If I have to fix my time to be somewhere on time I expect that person to be there as well. You miss a deadline, I will reprimand you. In my line of work I have too much going on and delegate a lot. I need to know you are doing it well. I would expect an apology as to why you did not complete it. If there are personal issues that need work I will gladly help out but I will destroy someone if they came to me with "I knew it was suppose to be done a week ago, thanks for reminding me."
akiva23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:37:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey wtf dude?" "thanks."
BaconBaconBaconDude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Re zero confirmed
youngestOG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for letting me spill this ketchup all over you
RammieLynn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh, thanks for reminding me doesn't sound genuine at all. When saying "Thanks..." anything, you run the risk of sounding sarcastic, imo.
Oh, gee, thanks for reminding me! I like more work.
BananaPalmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds absolutely sarcastic. "Thanks for reminding me" sounds like something I would say to my wife to start an argument
Sofakingcoolstorybro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I always sorry and have people always tell me "You say sorry too much"
But then I respond with "im actually never sorry" it's a more of a precursor because I dont tend to pull my punches and can be brutally honest. Especially when I'm fueled by alcohol.
jafbm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Saying "thank you" is very American. It doesn't work in Korea, especially around family and friends. Thanks is implicit.
KHAAANquistador ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:19:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is an actual really helpful LPT for my job. And my overall personality as well. I have been trying to interact with coworkers using this mind set, and starting off with an apology sets a tone that is hard to recover from, where a "thank you..." makes it come across that I am still very capable and knowledgeable, but had a momentary lapse.
Charletos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:30 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As you said... If you're directly to blame for something, apologize. If not, use these alternatives, but maybe add a brief explanation so they're aware as to why. That way you won't be perceived as a dick if they're not sure why you were late or whatever
AuxintheBox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:04:26 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Can do both. "Crap I forgot, I am really sorry. Thanks for reminding me, I'll get on it right now"
Mafiya_chlenom_K ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:37:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't thank them.. congratulate them!
Celebrateyerself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah!! Trump U represennnnnnnnt!!
gogogadgt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:31:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
LPT: How to respond in basic life situations.
This thread is dumb as sh*t.
ondoinglife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As I have travelled abroad, foreigners have let me know that we Americans say "sorry" for everything. Even when were not sorry!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:40 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Hypocrisy school time.
baileypup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:12 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like culturally this could EASILY be misunderstood. I don't even mean across countries. Example: I work in IT and occasionally get a response from someone in India that says "Please do the needful" after an email that basically is something I need to do. "The server is down due to X. Please do the needful." Some people get offended by that as they assume they are being told what to do rather than asked, where as other folks read it as a polite way of someone telling you what needs to be done but leaving it up to you as to how.
I'm from the southern US, and if someone was late to work and said "Thank you for being patient", I would take that as passive aggressive. If I asked "Why wasn't X done?" and they responded with "Thanks for reminding me", I would assume not only were they passive aggressive but also that they have a crap memory and can't be trusted to do things. I do think apologizing for "being a drag" isn't necessary and apologizing too much does put undue responsibility on the other person.
"I'm sorry I use too many quotation marks" Its okay. "No, I'm really sorry I use too many quotation marks, my school was from Texas and we didn't learn grammar" For gods sake, you are on the internet, its fine.
See? :)
omigahguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:08 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Passed this on to my lady friends..Why Women Apologize and Should Stop from the NY Times.
goodferu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thanks for putting up with me. I'm a piece of shit."
Cheeseologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:33 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're xenophobic against Canadians!
sinsculpt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian here, can confirm that this is impossible.
ulpisen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:04 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
none of your examples mean the same thing, how about you say what you mean and mean what you say?
smokingdankweed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I learned this tip by watching one anime
uncomfortable_pause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, am Minnesotan and that is not happening.
Please excuse me, I must go apologise to an inanimate object I ran in to. Sorry about that.
cescyblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I would instead recommend saying complete sentence removing "rather than"
E.g: "Thanks for being patient, I know I'm late. I'm sorry"
It's not a big crime in analogizing someone if you know you were wrong at first place.
SmeeGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:48 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's also part of social "hacking" or whatever kids call it.
Like you basically ask them a favor after they've already done it. And your brain interprets it as "doing a favor is something friends do to each other, therefore this person must be my friend".
This LPT is one that's somehow help me a lot in my communication style and efficiency.
papercuts187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:06 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of the cracked.com article on insincere apologies. It is worth reading.
Owaysnew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:40:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a woman who has been taught to apologize for everything in a position of some ranking, this is do this to my husband. It makes him feel appreciated instead of put upon.
realpigasus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:01 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a Canadian, I approve this message.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I learn this is retail. It's the best management tool and let's people know you value them.
I_love_rave_booty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:55 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think a lot of people are missing the point here. Plenty of us procrastinate and do dickheaded things here and there. Especially when someone continues to make the same mistakes saying sorry alone can be received as insulting. At least saying thank you lets the other person know you acknowledged them going above usual effort. I would just mix this in and learn when it's most appropriate when you want a certain response. Plus it takes away the need for the other person to say anything about forgiving you and you can go do whatever it is you planned.
LuckyNobody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:48:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I saw an inspirational comic about this a while back, and this is something I really needed. I've suffered from depression and apathy, my self worth being at 0 I naturally apologised for everything without even realising it. I've been consciously learning to thank more because it simply makes more sense to stay on the positive and to try not to dwell on the negative.
Defenestranded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:42 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It took me forever to learn this lesson myself, but I'm so glad it stuck.
Guilt is useless and doesn't help you at all. It can potentially leave you feeling like you're carrying a stigma that makes you less tolerable for others and drives you away from them.
But gratitude promotes a cooperative connection that can bring you closer to people and motivate you to do good things in observance.
I ALWAYS try to convert my guilt into gratitude. And I believe it makes other people feel even better too: It puts your attention on THEM, and promotes THEIR virtue instead of your own fault. All in all it's more positive in almost every case.
NNuke77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:19 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
When you offend someone they don't really want an apology, they want you to be sorry enough to feel like you needed to give one. Therefore apologies are for the giver. They don't need to be accepted.
Thanks are for the recipient, not the giver. The recipient wants you to be genuinely thankful enough to make you want to even say thank you, for it to be meaningful, the saying it is irrelevant. The thanks need not be accepted at that point either.
Once you understand these two ideas life becomes easier.
AHrubik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
The Canadian sorry is different from the Southern U.S. sorry. Canadians are left handedly apologizing for your misunderstanding of their situation and the Southerns are telling you to go fuck yourself in a nicer manner.
mjshep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:39 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Left-handedly? Are you a dextrosupremacist?
swedishfalk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:56 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
thanks for standing in my way. Thanks for letting me step on your toes.
GastonBoykins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
So, in other words, instead of accepting your own personal responsibility when you fuck up, act as if the world revolves around you.
jajenkan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wise words of Emilia-tan, "One thank you is worth more than 1000 sorrys."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
These kind of post are why i'm still subscribed to LPT.
I've never worked a job where someone noticed I needed help with all those stupid kinds of nuances.
So I imagine these kind of post as the mentor I never had. Giving me advice when they know I need it most.
margaeryisthequeen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:12 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is a LPT on how to get bitchslapped on a daily basis.
mdtwiztid93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:42 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
that's actually quite rude
PowErBuTt01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:17 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You been watching to much Re:Zero
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you dare bring that bullshit into Canada! Sorry for being vulgar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Stop telling others what to do and how to do it... :) Sorry.. Canadian after all.
loljetfuel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:20 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think you misunderstand the advice. It's not "don't say you're sorry" or "stop apologizing"; it's if you mean thank you, then don't say "I'm sorry".
Such advice is directed toward people who will apologize needlessly as a way of showing appreciation, not toward people who have actually caused someone harm or inconvenience. Better examples include:
These cases are all things where someone did something nice for you; you should show appreciation rather than apologizing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:00 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You have been banned from /r/canada
Aryon90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:20 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry I can't do that, I'm Canadian, thanks anyways.
overfloaterx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:26 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Any particular reason why?
mecrosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:38 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You're such a fucking asshole!
Thank you!
5HITCOMBO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
In Japanese, you actually say "excuse me" (ๅคฑ็คผใใพใ) when thanking people for everyday things which inconvenience them. It took me a long time to break the habit of saying sorry when I meant thank you when I came back to the USA.
_lbass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:09 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a Canadian this goes against our core beliefs.
SkarredGhost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think I already read this exact LPT some months ago...
spen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:46 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've asked my kids to say "thanks for reminding me" instead of "sorry" when I correct them. Making mistakes is a normal part of the learning process and felling guilt and shame slow down learning.
On the other hand, if they've hurt someone, this is what "sorry" is reserved for.
BananaPalmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell is this narcissistic me-me-me bullshit? This is only a Life Pro Tip if you're trying to teach someone how to be an insufferable asshole that nobody likes.
blazedancer1997 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:39 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If Re: Zero taught me anything
dropEleven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:40 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Also, don't say "sorry I'm the worst." It's not a real apology and you put all the pressure on the other person to be forgiving rather than accepting responsibility for your actions.
DavesNotHereMaaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, but I'm Canadian
fishnbrewis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This would never work for Canadians... Sorry.
mrc_13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
There are a lot of people on here bringing up how it would anger them if they received one of the aforementioned responses.
I think OP is more referring to folks who over apologize for everything, constantly. My girlfriend is like that. She repeatedly apologizes to people when they are clearly in the wrong (except me of course). She would be benefitted by advice like OP has provided.
If you're not a person like that, then don't cut your already limited or realistic number of apologies.
Applewoood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Thanks for breaking my fall" rather than "sorry I ran into you"
elkazay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:05 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
If im late youre fairly damn certain i will apologize for my lateness.. id still say thanks for waiting but you gotta be respectful
Lucatora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I have no clue how this got the front page with such a negative well..comments section.
We should all follow Subaru it seems
ImGunnaSayit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Well this is never easy Mrs . Henderson, but Thank You, you have stage 4 liver cancer"
lovesavestheday82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I only disagree with the "sorry I'm late." You should always apologize for being late. Maybe even throw a "very" in there for good measure. Everything else is spot on.
qboyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:51 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Canadian and this post goes against everything I've ever known
Gustaf16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:28 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Wow is also a valid replacement
Caddywumpus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:14 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Illrekuiswer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i literally refuse to apologize for anything ever.
Erj2969 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh shit you stepped on my foot"
"Thanks"
FuckYouDumbass123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I love that this sub is actually about subtly uncucking all of the Reddit neckbeards.
carlaskitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:16 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I can't say sorry or thanks if the other person won't to talk me. And it isn't like he moved on, he's made nothing but a ruckus about it to everyone else. Be an adult and just talk it over.
Strato_Static ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Learned this one from Re:Zero where my r/anime folks at
Astin257 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:26 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As a Brit, this is an extreme culture change
julbull73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You ran over my dog.
Thank you.
ReflexEight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"Why didn't you pick me up?! I was waiting for three hours!"
"Thanks"
DariosDentist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:39 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this before with sincerity and have been told I was patronizing, so be mindful of how you're saying it. Some people want an apology.
Mullet_Ben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone's talking about Re:Zero and I'm just sitting here remembering Day9
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cATl67TU0sg
mjshep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP: "thank you for tolerating this repost."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who says sorry A LOT (mostly because my parents used to beat that into me), I'm going to try this. Seems like good advice.
Convexus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:35 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
i also decided to pick this up after watching re:zero. is that where you got this idea from lol?
zuko94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:58 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like this could also make you seem more confident and in control, particularly with reference to the "thanks for waiting" one. Like "I knew you would wait, cause I'm that important, so thank you"
Spastic_hawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:37 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Solid LPT, unless, of course, you're British. Here not saying 'sorry' at least 10 times a day would have you hounded out of the country as some sort of barbarian. So, er... Sorry.
WilliamGuerra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:57 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I just opened the bathroom door and it accidentally hit a coworker on the other side in the face, how do I say thanks?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:29 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP must be from MN. I forgot how much people apologize there until I went back for a week a little while ago. 5 minute in a MN convenience store resulted in more sorrys than a month at home.
leftylugnutz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:45 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Best tip you can find for servers.
Aruno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mum was on holiday in france. Walking through the terminal in Toulouse she stepped on a French man's foot by accident. He let out a yelp and she quickly started repeating 'merci! merci!' while embarrassingly scurrying off. She didn't know the French word for sorry. The man was very confused and upset at the same time.
Aruno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:32 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
My mum was on holiday in france. Walking through the terminal in Toulouse she stepped on a French man's foot by accident. He let out a yelp and she quickly started repeating 'merci! merci!' while embarrassingly scurrying off. She didn't know the French word for sorry. The man was very confused and upset at the same time.
CarioGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:15 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
someone has been watching re:zero
fimari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: If you Touch boobs or asses without Intention - stick to sorry, do not try Thanks or Thank you. Thanks
NiceSasquatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer to yell "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?" at them.
TMac1128 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:03 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh the art of deflection. Put it on them, not on you!
Paddlesons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:41 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like some stereotypical millennial bullshit.
BadBetting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:07 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for screwing your wife
Auto_Text ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:40 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
You want me to say thank you when I inconvenience someone?
Are you insane?
MarioBGE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:21 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)*
Take a look at this video for a great explanation of this tip. (Passage from 4:23-8:56)
covert-pops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:05:47 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I think excuse me instead of sorry is better.
BanAllModerators ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:59 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Have an attitude of gratitude. Apologizing for harming others is never a bad idea. But if you did no harm, then what are you apologizing for?
aether10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:24 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the bad tip.
Sorry you gave us a bad tip.
Pick whichever sounds better.
seabassseabreeze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:27 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, no, you missed th point entirely.
spondylo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:44 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You give shitty advice OP"
GamingWithBilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:49 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
"You hit my dog with your car!"
"Thank you"
Lusterredux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:22 on August 13, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of the few LPTs I can actually stand behind. Saying sorry this and sorry that not only has a chance to make others uncomfortable, it also gives the other party the upper hand. Whereas a polite replacement (such as what the OP suggests with "thank you") works just as well/better and keeps the conversation positive.
Save sorrys and apologies for situations that actually demand such words. Like you just cheated on your wife with her sister/mom/brother.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:23 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Bryanlop69 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:44:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
No
Libre2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:54 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
It's a cultural thing sometimes. In Ireland people will say sorry for absolutely minor things but it often just means excuse me.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:08:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Bryanlop69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:10 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
OP isn't saying not to apologize, OP's saying to not say sorry for everything. I would think abstaining from saying sorry over the slightest things would build confidence (not that there's a lack of for people). It's not something just "alpha males" would do, or whatever your kind call it, it's anyone who wants to build confidence. At the same time you don't sound like you want sympathy from the person and you're thanking the person
But that's just my take on it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:18 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
for that matter - saying you are "sorry" is very different from saying "i apologize". saying that you apologize is a recognition of an oversight or error. saying you are sorry is a form self deprecation.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:18:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BananaPalmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:22:31 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I apologize for the death of your aunt.
Pathfinder6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:43 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Never apologize; it's a sign of weakness.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:50:02 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
This is a super excellent post. I've been over apologizing for things my whole entire life. It makes me feel weak and I've recently found my voice and I've stopped being over apologetic for things. I really like the examples given. Very helpful!
Lovenomad ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 19:18:11 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
I was reprimanded for making out with a girl at a Mormon run boarding school and the dean or whatever he's called dropped the line "Never say you're sorry. Sorry is a sorry word." Then I was sentenced to 1 week of bootcamp style punishment.
DevilsAdvocate532 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:13 on August 11, 2016 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this.
I have a really hard time with this. Everyone I meet says I say sorry waaaay too much. In working on it, but this helps a lot