Give them a role, not a use.

Edit:

Neil Postman, The Disappearance of Childhood:

The word "child" originally meant "son or daughter"; only in modern times did it gain its second meaning of "a person between birth and full growth". Prior to modern times, children were considered "little" adults, rather than today's conception of them as "unformed" adults.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Postman#The_Disappearance_of_Childhood

I do this with my 3 year old all the time.

Me: "(son) will you be my helper?"

son:" YEAH!!>>#K!@G!^{&YT!&##%&!(#&"}

me: "uh... i just need to pick up these pillows"

son:" OK@&@@!!^{!!!!@#&!&(@#&!^&#&!@#*!"}

me:"well let's just..."

son: (runs around batshit crazy throwing pillows everywhere) "I AM THE BEST HELPER!!!!!!!@!#^&!#!&$!$"

Also works well with blackout drunk people

Honestly the most foolproof method I've found that has never let me down is simply to undersell something , instead of "help me with dishes" I say "don't come in, the big kids are doing the dishes." 10/10 kids will immediately announce they are old enough to help and will actually try very hard to "convince" me they are big kid material.

Thank you.

I have been building a collection of "child slaves".

And they will just not obey me!

They wanna "draw and color".

I want them to "make ipads".

This will help a lot.

I appreciate this advice.

"Billy, will you go to sleep."

"No!"

"Billy, do you want to be a sleeper?"

"Yeah what's a sleeper?!"

15 years later..

"Billy will you go to work."

"No!"

"Billy do you want to be a worker?"

"No dad we have already established that I am a sleeper. I have always been a sleeper. I will always be a sleeper."

Can you be my little shut upper and leave me the fuck aloner?

So what the hell did it mean when I was referred to as "that little fucker"

I use this almost daily in my job as a gymnastics teacher. If any of the younger children aren't joining in with an activity, I will ask them to be my helper. 90% of the time they will jump straight in, now enthusiastic participants. Odd how a small re-phrasing has such a result!

Wanted son to fluff the pillows.

Asked him to be "my little fluffer".

1 star. Would not recommend.

Once I was at a family friends house and my younger brother (who was 8 at the time) was too young to talk with the adults and too old to play with the kids.

He was pretty upset, but when he was asked to be the "supervisor" for the kids, he immediately lit up.

I don't think he would've been as happy if we had asked him to "supervise the kids".

I work with kids and this is very true.

It also helps if you ask them to do something by asking if they can show you it, rather than just asking them to do it.

Eg, Can you show me where the tape and scissors go.

Instead of put the scissors and tape away.

Seems small but it makes a big difference.

This way they can be "the helpers" instead of "the Help"

I used to just "think" out loud. "Hmmm... I wonder who could help me with this" Flocks kindergarten to grade 2 like helper sheep.. anyone older catches on to the bull shit.

Alternatively, whip them until they cut the backtalk.

works on husbands too. lol

That's really interesting. Bet this would work with adults too.

That's amazing. When I tell my kids I'm going to murd them... they keep making noise and jumping on the couch.

But, when I add the "er"... they're very quiet and obedient.

....my father always calls me a wanker, though? Sigh.... gets on the rubber gloves

Working as a camp counsellor with 6 year olds has honed me with motivating kids. Literally anything can be a game, and everyone can be a special helper with a job.

Treating and talking to them like adults helps too, but we got into some pretty serious life chats

I like this idea. I will try this idea. I upvoted this idea.

Chimney sweeper - sounds good.

My favorite and effective LPT when dealing with kids is to give them a choice. For example, you can clean up your room now, or you can do it in five minutes. This works well up until nearly puberty.

Call your employees "employers", then they'll scam all their friends into buying your crap

This is called an agentive suffix, and it makes the verb/action word into an agent noun. Just FYI.

Hey kid, caner you helper me pls?

"Hey bud, you are great at mowing the lawn, from now on I want you to be the lawn-mower..."

at least I got a buck each time

This is so true! There is research behind this as well. I worked with preschoolers during my undergrad at UCSD with Dr. Christopher Bryan and was a part of these findings.

Not only applies to children, but people are more likely to eat healthy and make good food choices if they're referred to as a healthy eater vs. them eating healthily.

And especially relevant, adults are more likely to vote and participate in the elections if they are referred to as a voter vs. voting.

The use of a noun causes the individual to internalize it as a part of their identity rather than an action they take at a given moment.

nah let them be the leader you be the helper yo

If I want them to be quiet should they be a shutter upper or a shut upper or do a shutter up?

So convert verbs to nouns?

I've been saying this for years. I don't ask kids to shut the fuck up; I tell them to be my shut-the-fuck-uppers.

Susan Gelman has done some interesting research in this area. In short... This seems legit.

http://www.annualreviews.org/userimages/ContentEditor/1345068992315/SusanGelmanTranscript.pdf

Edit: I am not a good typer

Note: only do this with positive attributes. Children tend to internalize these attributes, making them part of their self-identity. Telling your child that he is a liar, or procrastinator, will make her more likely to be a liar and/or procrastinator

I always found it patronizing when adults did this to me as a child. Keep in mind that each and every child is going to be different. It's not bad advice for most kids, but I'd have found it off-putting.

I just tried it. My kid just paused and kept talking when I told them to be my shut-uper.

WHAT! No I'm not a pedophile! I'm a child molest"er"

I can't imagine talking to kids differently than adults. How would you talk to them? Lilting baby talk? Ok, very young kids I can see you saying something like, "Pay attention to Mommy, please," instead of "Pay attention to me, please." If you want kids to act like people, treat them like people.

Come here, you little fucker!

"Listen here you little fucker". I agree :)

I wonder if this works cross-culturally.

Western (American, Anglo) kids tend to focus on nouns, to the exclusion of verbs.

Eastern (Chinese, Japanese, Korean, and maybe some of mainland Europe) tend to focus on verbs.

Also, you go from asking about their actions to asking about them. It is very validating.

Be a good listener and helper, you little fucker.

Sounds condescending. Kids don't want to be your subordinate, they want to be your peer.

Want to help me you little fucker. Like that?

Go clean your fucking Room-er I'll kick your lil Ass-er

Oh but I remember when adults would say that when I was young and they would be sooo condescending and overenthusiastic and I hated it so much!

insert joke about spanish verbs here

Commonsense manipulation?

"You want to be my shut the fuck upper?"

My mom did this all the time! " insert coin-s- you better shut up and sit down or I'll smack you sideways you little fuckER"

I thought you meant we should add 'er' to words like "mother fuck"

Might not work for me. I run the hook-a-duck stall at the carnival.

Fuck's a verb! Want to be a fucker?

or instead of saying "YOU LITTLE FUCK" you could say "YOU LITTLE FUCKER"

Hey there you little shitter, how about you go be a fucker over there! :)

My 2 year gets mad at "let me help you" but loves when I say "help me!" Phrasing makes a huge difference.

As an after school science instructor, this will help immensely

Can confirm, when the 5 year old isn't listening I tell her I need her to be a good "Teamer"

Stupider, I use that one a lot

The best way to get someone to do what you want is to convince them it was their idea to begin with.

It also helps them build their identity on character traits you name.

reading this thread made me realize that I treat all my coworkers like children... lol

Pretty sure my two year old is going to say NO anyways

how exactly does that make a difference?

Saying "Can you be a good fucker?" still probably won't be a good idea.

You adorable little Nike workers.

Worked on the choir boys.

This works on more than just children. It works on adults that never grew up as well.

So are we jigglin' errrrrrr

Can I put an "-a" at the end or does it have to be the hard "-er"?

Thank you, great advice!

This does nothing!

But seriously, I work with a kid with a huge inflated ego, and letting him feel really helpful only makes it worse.

"can you go fucker yourself? Playing rockets only bunker on Goldeneye."

Great, I would have grandma's "little fucker"

What if I tell my 8yo cousin 'wanna be a slaver,' instead of 'wanna be a slave'. Think he'll agree?

"Come here ya lil fucker!" works everytime.

that works with adults too

We're told the exact opposite as adults. Don't call yourself a janitor, say you work in sanitation engineering.

Directions unclear: asked my child to be my pooper in the toilet when potty training.

"because I said-er so! thats why!"

"go-er the fuck to sleep!!"

I hated adults that I caught trying to manipulate me. Except when I didn't, I saw right through it.

they can also learn to do as they are told....

"Come here stupid" 》》》"stupider" hmm just doesn't have the same ring to it and I feel like I also insulted myself

I do this with my husband so I don't seem like I'm trying to tell him what to do. Usually works pretty well.

My mom would use this exact example on us all the time...

"Excited gasp do you want to be my helper?!"

Unless you live in Boston. "My little helpah." Or if you live in Southie, "You little bastard"

"Stupid fucker" gets me into trouble with parents just as bad as "go fuck yourself." :(

"Don't be a little fucker."

So turn them into the noun. Interesting

TIL the strategy behind the daily appointment of plant waterer, bell ringer, weather watcher and line leader at my son's preschool.

so old. common sense to pretty much any parent, my 4yr loved to vacum, get them to do it at 16 then I will be impressed. (yes, it does work on most grown ups, so does a shit sandwich)

To be honest as a kid i liked it better when adults asked me sincerely for help like they would any other adult. I didn't like being called a "helper" a lot because i knew adults didn't mainly use that with each other.

My dad did this all the time. Little fucker counts right?

I asked my children if they want to be my cleaners. They essentially told me to fuck off.

Fucker, doesn't really work.

Come back ya lil fucker

Make sure they understand the difference between being the helper, and being the help.

lol this is my tip for naming things in programming. if it can't be named X-er, it's a good indicator to clarify what is going on in the program.

Also works on my mindless workers in my giant corporate machine.

"No Dave, I'm not just asking you to copy some handouts for me, I'm 'promoting' you to head manager of photocopying. Now go get those handouts champ."

Here's how to deal with kids; don't have them. Problem solved.

You little fuck-er.

I totally get it. I bet I could use it on my fiancee too.

Could you be any more of a bitch-er?

Yes, we must channel their consciousness towards the unquestioned superiority of neoliberal policies and military domination at the global level. If we start the little chitlins early we can ensure that those women-hating republicans won't indoctrinate this great country's children with their right wing garbage.

Vote Hilary. **Sanders is a communist

Someone did a study regarding improving voter turnout, and found that encouraging people to "be voters" worked measurably better than encouraging them to "vote".

I assume calling them a little fuck"er" is not suggested

Or just treat them like a human being who doesn't need special language to do a task. That stuff always made me angry as a kid because I felt patronized.

don't say" kiddo please sit quietly.. be a stone" instead say.. "be a stoner"

Yes, teach them the dangers of new-speak early on, so they can spot it later in life!

I find just smacking them on the head works well

Did someone post the source for this already?

When I yell at my threenager to stop being a little shit, I should say he should stop being a little shitter? OK then!

I use it all the time, instead of telling them to fuck off, I call them a little fucker.

Or you know, treat them like people and follow the golden rule.

That hard r though. For better results I like to add -a to the end.

"Can you be my helpa?"

I remember the feeling of instant distrust at an adult trying this on me as a kid.

I feel like that's the point I first learned that adults manipulate kids. Until then I was a trusting kid who did what they were told.

"Hey Bud, I really need you to be my shut-the-fuck-upper right now" --Worked like a charm

This post is Beijing propaganda

This is a fresher... In going on break!

You're my little rap buddy.

Shut the fuck uper! you're a little shiter.

I don't get it.

Did Beavis and Butthead get ahold of the comment section, yet?

If not, let me know.

My dad took this to heart because I was his special "loser"

I don't have any kids so I don't really know, but is it really that hard to get children to do stuff like chores? I mean, my parents just straight up made us do things. Like no other option really.

So instead of asking them to fuck , ask them to be your fucker ?

What's your hurry? Throw some er's and ah's in there.

I just remind them that I can turn off the electricity in their room.

I do this with my almost 2 year old, and it works nicely.

Are you stupid? Believe me, it does not work.

It really works! Instead of telling kids "Until you are 18, you are essentially my property and to some extent my slave", you can just tell them they're going to be "your little slaver"!

You are great at employing, can you be my employer?

I am learning Dutch and this really confused me.

call them starlord then die from cancer

Wrong: You little Fuck. Right: You little Fucker!

That's really cool! I wonder what it means to 'nigg' something?

I hear parents add 'er' to that all the time!

This is how sweatshops are started.

Source: I have the bosses kids grabbing paper for me all day pro bono

I need a little push. Can you be my pusher?

This approach also kills when trying to get that just-skating-by employee to cooperate.

Calm down little fuck-er-

Especially handy if you're dealing with a retarded kid. Try talking to your kid like an adult and they might just act like one sooner than you think.

Don't ask them if the need to take a shit, ask them if they need to go to the shitter

Yea my 4 yr old son is a little fucker

Give the dog a boner.

Ahh, the 'you're being a dick' over 'stop acting like a dick' phenomenon.

What? I think you need to be a better explainer.

That's why I always call them fuckers.

Example: "why are you such a dumb fuck" becomes "why are you such a dumb fucker?"

I like giving my daughter essentially useless, but time consuming "jobs" to do. I can make her lunch while she finds exactly the bowl she wants and stacks the rest in order of colour, I can clean the room while she brushes things with a little paintbrush to "get the dust off". So it doesn't even need to actually help.

Designated driver

Why are lifeprotips now just common sense?

haha. Taking child rearing advice of Reddit.

What's it do?

Keeps shit fresh.

That's a fresher.

I'm going on break.

So let's coddle our little emperors why don't we? If you really want to use psychology on them , you don't need to worry about verbs. You just give them a choice of two things, both of which they can live with. "I need your help this morning. Would you rather set the table, or sweep the floor?" Vois la--they've got a choice, you've got some help. Win, win. This whole "do you want to?" nonsense is ridiculous. I once got behind young parents on a disembarking plane asking their 3 year-old "Um, do you want to get off the plane now?" and holding up the ENTIRE plane. What idiots. A 3 year-old doesn't know plane procedures. It is up to their parents to INSTRUCT them. "We have to get off the plane now. Get your teddy bear and let's go. We're holding up the people behind us." It's not rocket science. YOU are the adult, THEY are the child. Help them LEARN. Rant over.

If I had to get my kids in line and have them be quiet until we made it to a new location, I would sometimes say, "Alright! We're going to all be the quietest ninja. When we get to our destination we will [do some ninja-like thing]

2nd & 3rd graders btw

So instead of asking him to be my nigg hell be my nigger

Just tried this on my 3yo and it freaking worked! That's some voodoo dark magic right there...

This totally works! I was going to call my kid a stupid fuck, but calling him a stupid fucker got my point across even better!

We say this with our kids, and I'm amazed. My 3-year-old daughter generally honestly wants to help, and she'll usually clean up her own spills with no wailing or gnashing of teeth, to the point that we went out to a restaurant this weekend and she spilled her water by mistake and tried to clean it up. We had to tell her, "Don't worry...those other people get paid to do that."

I do the opposite. I add an -er to the end of my role. If you don't clean up after yourself, I'll be your asskicker.

Nope, they'll just respond "Helper!? I hardly know her!"

So THAT's why they like being little Trouble Makers

Here's a LPT. Talk to your child like a human, not a coddled baby. At age 4 my son found that sort of tone demeaning.

Or you can stop asking and start telling. I'm all for giving kids room to make choices, but when I need help, I'm not asking for it, I'm telling them they're going to do it.

Welcome to /r/parentingadvice .

Can you be anymore gay-er?

Just tried this.... Those little shits don't want to helper with anything. 👎🏼

So instead of screaming "shut the fuck up!" I should calmly say " why don't you try being a shut the fuck upper ?"

My child does this in reverse. He tells us he wants to monst.

JIMMY, STOP BEING A LITTLE CUNT-ER

I'M TRYING TO DRIVE! SHUT UPPER!

[deleted]

We do not say "dealing with children" in professions where adults work with children. It makes it sound like they are a burden.

Shit, parents have gone soft. How bout you tell them what you want done, and if they give you lip you get the belt. The fuck is an adult doing compromising with a child. Once they understand the expectations that you set for them, they will rise to it. That other method you'll be trying to make up stories and compromise their whole life. At the end of the day, he who pays the bills makes the rules

LPT: this works with adults too.

You can also just hit them if they don't listen. Then you don't have to ask them shit. You tell them to do something, and they jump!

lol this works with girls too..

Even more fun, add "ers" to all nouns. Doesn't work as well for enslavement, but it's cute and fun!

What if I call them my lil' Nigga?

Yaaaay this should help me turn one into my little cum dumpstER!

My youngest daughter (6) is the master helper, most of the time you do not even have to ask and she is excited to help. My oldest never cared to help but will be a helper if asked, sometimes a few times. They are adopted so do not share more DNA than we all do.

Will someone be my golder?

or perhaps gold giver?

Raises hip little kid in Brooklyn Kid develops an affinity for rapping from listening to his pop's old 90's rap records Shows me (pop) and I need to show the world At sons birthday party "Alright kiddo can you be our little raper today?" 35 to life lol

You literally could have just said "make them think everything revolves around them"

Or stop raising pussified pajama boys and raise them to be men and women.

I find "if you don't help me set the table for dinner you're gonna get a hiding and a two week grounding" to be more effective than your pathetically soft approach.

These lpt people should just stfu with their shitty advise