My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

mikelorosario · 1321 points · Posted at 19:05:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Once with my five year old in the car I had the signal light on in the car and he asked what that sound was and I said is to tell the people behind you that you are turning. He thought about it for a while and then said. "do you think they can hear that??

Dogredisblue · 677 points · Posted at 01:10:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was about six I asked what the green arrows were and my dad told me that the car knew where you wanted to go and was giving you directions.
I thought the car could hear us talk so it would know where we were going. One time none of us mentioned where we were going while in the car and those green arrows were still coming on. The car must have been reading our minds

I stopped believing in Santa when I was 6 but I believed cars could read minds until I was 8.

sleekskyline120 · 282 points · Posted at 02:11:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I used to think the "You are here" logos on mall directories followed you.

Levra · 58 points · Posted at 04:06:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They... They don't...?

Logicor · 28 points · Posted at 06:43:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They follow when you are not looking.

DJCHERNOBYL · 3 points · Posted at 12:38:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't blink

Levra · 1 points · Posted at 07:25:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I knew it!!

AreYouFilmingNow · 2 points · Posted at 11:47:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They can! You are here!

mcappello021 · 33 points · Posted at 06:39:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I used to be afraid of gushers in preschool because I thought my head would turn in to a fruit.

ElegantHope · 3 points · Posted at 09:18:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh man, same here. me and my sis would think that's why our parents never let us have that kind of candy.

RehaDesign · 2 points · Posted at 13:17:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I have no clue what you are talking about. What are gushers and why would they make your head turn into a fruit?

Autodidact420 · 3 points · Posted at 13:27:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqfvlauFMAk

Fruit Gushers, the ads showed kids eating fruit-flavored candies and their heads would turn into the flavor of candy they ate

RehaDesign · 2 points · Posted at 13:56:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Thanks. I can not look at youtube at the moment. Is this a UK thing? I don't remember seeing it before.

Autodidact420 · 3 points · Posted at 14:26:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm from Canada and it was on air here, I'm not sure if it was in the US or not

pmofmalasia · 5 points · Posted at 17:34:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm from the US and I had the same fear, can confirm they aired here

TerraFirma69 · 1 points · Posted at 11:19:00 on March 15, 2016 · (Permalink)

What's a gusher?

SnowGryphon · 3 points · Posted at 07:27:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

With centimeter-level accuracy indoor GPS coming in like a decade, this won't be inaccurate maybe.

sometimesynot · 3 points · Posted at 15:07:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Whenever we go to a fair or festival or other place that hands out maps, I like to tell people to look for the "You are here" sign. It takes them a bit to figure it out. ^{^{^I}} ^{^{^crack}} ^{^{^myself}} ^{^{^up.}}

reggaegotsoul · 2 points · Posted at 04:09:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They do.

But I know what you mean. Heh heh.

1st_lurker · 2 points · Posted at 07:46:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bless your <3

alottoask · 37 points · Posted at 01:59:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

god bless you

StupidPiscesGuy · 0 points · Posted at 06:37:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Southern?

Bonova · 31 points · Posted at 02:17:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My version of this when I asked what the green arrows were, and my dad told me that they were so other drivers would know which way we were turning, was that I thought they must be able to see the green arrows through our back window. I always wondered how.

leafcordial · 1 points · Posted at 07:33:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My version was that my Dad told me "using your turn signals helps you make the turn." I thought turn signals activated power steering, until I got my permit.

cvanek725 · 6 points · Posted at 02:33:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Dont worry they will in the next tesla update

X4217 · 2 points · Posted at 03:02:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

parents told me cops had xray vision and could see when i didnt have my seatbelt on - i called Bullshit... but was paranoid AF

Prof_Kurimuzon · 2 points · Posted at 05:06:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha, we all have those silly but amusing beliefs as kids. Obviously now that you're an adult you know that cars only read your minds so the government can control you better!

Kh0shekh · 2 points · Posted at 15:35:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was about four and late for tumbling, so my mom said "hurry and take your shoes off, you have to have bare feet!" And I looked down at my feet and told her, tears welling up, "but mommy, I don't have bear feet, I have Kh0shekh feet!"

TigerlillyGastro · 1 points · Posted at 02:00:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

We probably aren't far off from cars reading minds.

CouldBeWolf · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Batman bless you

inawhdaw · 1 points · Posted at 03:26:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Are you me?

Darling_Water_Tyrant · 1 points · Posted at 03:53:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

One day...they will.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:11:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I remember my dad said the windshields we for rain, so I thought turning it on made the rain come.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:11:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I remember my dad said the windshields we for rain, so I thought turning it on made the rain come.

jeerock34 · 1 points · Posted at 07:08:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ha, I still remember when I noticed the green arrows. I had no idea what GPS was back then, but I thought those arrows were some sort of navigation system. The arrows would point and my parents would turn. "The car knows where we live!"

JabroniZamboni · 1 points · Posted at 08:28:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I would have stopped talking or been very careful with my words if that were me. I was a semi paranoid/weird kid. Lol

AlternativeJosh · 1 points · Posted at 13:47:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

If I could afford gold I'd buy you a piece for that comment but I'm closing on a house in 45 minutes and won't even be able to afford toilet paper. It's soap and water for me...poor poor palmala handerson...

Master-Sacker · 85 points · Posted at 21:15:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

I am choosing a dvd for tonight

filthyhobo · 40 points · Posted at 22:19:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Dear god we need answers!!!

miewmiew · 3 points · Posted at 23:15:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

WHERE IS JA?

jakegreen8 · 1 points · Posted at 03:14:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Get ahold of this motherfucker so I can make sense of all of this!

iflylikewilma · 1 points · Posted at 01:25:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Seriously. Where are the answers?!? I need to know if they can hear?!?!

Christonakite · 1 points · Posted at 01:51:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hear what‽

My god man hear what‽

iflylikewilma · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The fucking clickers, man!

PM_YOUR_PANTYCOLOR · 1 points · Posted at 02:39:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Uh. You don't have OnStar, do you?

Jetblast787 · 1 points · Posted at 23:04:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not in Los Angeles

Killgraved · 3 points · Posted at 04:37:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I asked my dad a similar question when I was little, only I was asking about the blinking light I could see on the dashboard. I asked how the other cars could see that dashboard light.

me2pleez · 2 points · Posted at 03:50:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

We were visiting my parents one christmas, and my daughter couldn't remember the name eggnog. What she came up with was 'egg juice'. It worked.

mountmike · 1 points · Posted at 00:05:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

" Got you fam

AKdurham · 1 points · Posted at 05:07:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was little, my dad wouldn't let me do my planet project on Uranus. Told me to do earth instead. Mom argued that he was being ridiculous, but Dad insisted I would be made fun of. I asked mom what was so funny about it but she said it was a funny secret and we would discuss it later. Later that week, we are at Walmart and I am in the basket in a very crowded aisle due to it being Valentines Day. Thought it was a good time to blurt, "Hey mom, when are you gonna tell me that funny secret about Uranus?!"

Yieldway17 · 1 points · Posted at 07:00:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm not sure whether this is common elsewhere but in India the turn signals in motor cycles and some cars actually make a beeping sound other vehicles can hear. Only thing is that almost no one uses turn signals.

Fissiksmansteve · 1 points · Posted at 07:48:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My daughter: everyone keeps telling me to behave, but I don't even know what a have is!"

mattexcursion · 1 points · Posted at 09:33:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My dad told me that if we didn't turn on the turn signal our car would explode. Imagine what an amazing world that'd be to drive in.

x-y-z-p-q-r · -3 points · Posted at 01:19:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

As an extreme pedant who may one day have children, I wonder what parenting would be like, since I usually explain everything in excessive detail even to other adults that ask very simple questions.

Like, to a question like "what is that sound?" I would probably reply that there is an electrical component in the car that is activated when a lever is pressed, causing a light to flash on the back of the vehicle indicating to other travelers in what direction I intend to drive my car so that they can better plan their travel. The device is intended to provide additional information to other drivers so they can make safe decisions, and makes an indicator sound in the vehicle cabin to assist me in being aware that it is active, because humans make a lot of errors and if I do not know it is active it may confuse other drivers.

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 01:54:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

x-y-z-p-q-r · 1 points · Posted at 07:06:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm not very smart, I'm just really verbose. I've tried getting help with it, and I've managed to get it under control for things like presentations, but it's still hard when just hanging out or relaxing to police how I talk.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 02:28:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

x-y-z-p-q-r · 2 points · Posted at 07:05:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That was not a very kind thing to say.

giovariot · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well. My father was actually exactly like that. By 6yo I spoke better than most of my classmates, I also kept wanting to get that kind of explanations from everyone so everyone started hating me for the whole elementary school. happy childhood

[deleted] · 1625 points · Posted at 18:10:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of my three year old-

"How did you sleep last night?"

"Mostly on my side."

Oh ok lol thanks bud

brettcalvin42 · 394 points · Posted at 19:13:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You asked

juscivile · 146 points · Posted at 22:06:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He delivered.

SeaLeggs · 151 points · Posted at 22:51:29 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

They call him 'The Postman'

Captain_-_-_Obvious · 13 points · Posted at 03:15:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Arch nemesis of OP

owlbeeokay · 1 points · Posted at 12:09:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Toromak · 4 points · Posted at 01:26:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Coming this summer

[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 08:24:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Two brothers...

PM_ME_YOR_PMs · 1 points · Posted at 10:35:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Starring : Adam Sandler...

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 23:54:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

🎶Eheheee🎶

arhanv · 1 points · Posted at 09:20:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They haven't seen him since his last job, Denver, 1994. Nowadays, he's a legend.

SendintheGeologist · 181 points · Posted at 19:30:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Part of me wants to have kids purely for the shit they say.

[deleted] · 90 points · Posted at 19:46:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Part of me thinks my future kids will get annoyed and pissed off at ME giving these types of answers.

Phyfador · 142 points · Posted at 20:12:31 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yup, that was me. My daughter developed this annoying habit of asking me where everything was before she even looked for it when she was in her preteens. "Where's the salt?" Me "in the salt shaker" "Do we have milk?" "Look in the milk container"

[deleted] · 57 points · Posted at 20:26:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did it get rid of the habbit or just fill her with anxiety?

Phyfador · 85 points · Posted at 20:31:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

...little of both.

underthetootsierolls · 21 points · Posted at 01:52:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I use to do this to my mom. I remember because she would threaten, "if I have to get up and come in there and find it..." I always though to myself she was being SOOOOooooo annoying, why couldn't see just tell me where it is?

Now, my fiancé does this to me. It makes my head explode. Him standing at the pantry. "Hey, where's the peanut butter?" I don't know...on the f*ing shelf. I don't have a mental inventory of the pantry open your eyes!

So one day your daughter may get her payback, and when she calls to whine/ apologize for being such a pain in the ass you can laugh and laugh and laugh. Then follow up your giggles with, "well you do deserve that one honey!"

The_gullible_swan · 4 points · Posted at 10:25:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I remember where everything is in my house. It is only when my gf helps me clean that I can't find something. So I ask "do you know where such and such might be? ". This is usually followed by "oh, did I move that? I don't remember". It infuriates me so much but I would never tell her that because she was just trying to help. Instead I just try to get it done by myself or make a mental note of what she cleaned.

We're moving in together later this year, I fear I'll never find anything ever again and have to ask. She'll then be telling her friends that I never look for anything and I'll get hit with comments such as yours...

underthetootsierolls · 3 points · Posted at 14:13:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Awwww, no. I would understand that! It's literally "where is the peanut butter, where are the eggs, etc?" We laugh about it after I act all exasperated at his crazy question. :) No need to get upset of such silly things. I does drive me bonkers, but I do just as many annoying things and he still loves me so it's all good! We've lived together for almost 7 years and I still think it's the bee's knees!

Phyfador · 2 points · Posted at 01:49:06 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

I plan on selective dementia-she won't know if I'm faking it or not.

pfunk42529 · 99 points · Posted at 21:33:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Look in her anxiety container.

Halofall · 2 points · Posted at 05:49:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Omg did dads learn their jokes from their kids?! Mind blown.

ffxivthrowaway03 · 26 points · Posted at 21:19:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Does the other part not want to have kids purely for the shit that comes out the other end?

wazzaa4u · 2 points · Posted at 09:32:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's what diapers and wives are for

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 03:17:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It turned out to be amazingly insignificant. They poop, you clean, no big deal.

RehaDesign · 2 points · Posted at 13:19:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

And it is only for the first two or three years. After that, they do the cleaning.

mr_somebody · 2 points · Posted at 20:23:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mines 3 right now. The things he comes up with are so out of this world.

I was legitimately worried what would come out around the dinner table during the holidays, but we made it thru okay.

For instance: he thinks its hilarious to tell people I have a butt tattoo!!. I don't.

Storm137 · 3 points · Posted at 20:52:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well clearly. You got a tattoo of a butt.

mr_somebody · 2 points · Posted at 21:18:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Grandma would be disappointed either way.

ZenBerzerker · 2 points · Posted at 03:05:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mah grandma once said black people don't feel the cold, just like dogs.

Could not figure out where to start with that heap of wrong.

Storm137 · 1 points · Posted at 23:10:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My maternal grandmother had to have had selective hearing when I was a toddler in retrospect... Cause I swore right next to her and she said nothing. I am convinced she did hear but pretended it came out of someone else's mouth because I was her favorite.

organicginger · 2 points · Posted at 22:27:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah, until your 3 year old leans in to give you a hug goodbye at preschool drop off, and whispers very softly into your ear "Mommy, when the fish dies, we can't fix it".

That's what I got treated to this morning. I have zero idea where it came from (we don't even have a fish), and the delivery was extra creepy.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:00:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Just turned two, chillin on vacation.

"Daddy, I'm going to miss you on your birthday."

Wtf did you just say Demon Child????

They say some magical shit.

ZenBerzerker · 1 points · Posted at 03:03:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

but why "the thing you were explaining when they interrupted with"

But WHY!?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:36:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I yelled "motherfucker" once when i got startled, now my 5 y/o autistic son yells it all the time. It's hilarious. I don't even growl him.

elriggo44 · 1 points · Posted at 10:30:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's great. But it's a lot of work keeping them healthy, fed, clothed and alive long enough to hear them talk.

RehaDesign · 1 points · Posted at 13:22:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Nah, not so much work. For me, the first year was the hardest. After that, it has been all pretty easy.

bathroomstalin · 1 points · Posted at 22:01:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My boss once greeted me with "What's the good word, [my name]?"

To which I replied, "Uh... Um... Jurisprudence?"

What the heck are you supposed to say to that?

bbrown16 · 1 points · Posted at 23:13:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

A resident at the nursing home I work at says the same thing every day. Love it!

djc6535 · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I had one of these. "What did you ask Santa for?"

"Sigh... A LOT"

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:18:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This response actually makes more sense. The question is, "how did you sleep?" Not, "how well did you sleep".

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 01:49:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I wouldn't say it makes more sense, it is simply another adequate response.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:51:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

well hes not wrong

MiG-21 · 1 points · Posted at 03:19:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You got what was coming to you.

bieker · 1 points · Posted at 05:13:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son climbed out of his crib and hit the floor hard, came running into my room crying "I fell, I fell" to which I asked "what did you land on?" Trying to figure out what part of him might be injured.

He stopped crying instantly, looked at me like I was a total idiot and said "The floor!"

Mikey_Sheridan · 1 points · Posted at 05:18:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My favorite is "How'd you sleep?" "With my eyes closed"

MrEarthbound · 1 points · Posted at 10:44:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's so cute though

JasonAnarchy · 150 points · Posted at 18:03:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My 2 year old daughter, whenever she would take her socks off would always say she had "Bear's feet".

Jill4ChrisRed · 14 points · Posted at 22:06:46 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

oh my god that is so cute!

matts2 · 3 points · Posted at 03:20:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

If you put almonds and icing on them they would be bear's claws.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:50:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

aww gotta love kids.

can_of_cream_corn · 1183 points · Posted at 16:44:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of an old, salty dialysis patient I used to pick up:

"How're you feeling today?"

"With my hands, how do you think!?"

[deleted] · 161 points · Posted at 20:11:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

DearyDairy · 86 points · Posted at 01:32:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh man, some dementia patients have some good ones too. We had one lady who refused to change out of her clothes no matter how dirty or how impractical they were.

Nurse: let's go change your clothes.
PT: why?
Nurse: because your clothes are wet.
PT: that's not my fault, someone peed in them.
Nurse: that's no good.
PT: what's no good?
Nurse: someone peed on your clothes.
PT : those aren't peas those are flowers. (referring to the print)

bokono · 2 points · Posted at 07:02:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This killed me. Thanks.

apparaatti · 2 points · Posted at 12:12:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

RIP

spriteburn · 1 points · Posted at 11:18:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

IM played by Samuel L. Jackson

RickSanders · -10 points · Posted at 21:49:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

I hate when people pronounce "snicker" like "snigger." Like, you don't pronounce the candy bar that way, now do ya?

Edit: Getting downvotes for disliking a racist-sounding word is pretty confusing.

[deleted] · 19 points · Posted at 21:51:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[deleted]

RickSanders · 6 points · Posted at 04:25:38 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

TIL snigger is not racist.

Mitchhhhhh · 7 points · Posted at 00:42:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Snigger please!

Hayes231 · 1 points · Posted at 05:18:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

oh my god the neighbors must think im racist for yelling out

"SNIGGER PLEASE!! AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAAA!!"

hanaanmhd · 292 points · Posted at 18:22:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

"Dialysis" Only word that has the power to dead drop the smile off my face in a millisecond.

ketchy_shuby · 223 points · Posted at 18:56:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I dunno, salty and dialysis in the same sentence kind of creeps me out.

Rivers_On_Fire · 249 points · Posted at 19:27:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

They're salty cuz their kidneys can't filter it out right so it builds up.

PM_ME_YOUR_DATSUN · 206 points · Posted at 20:15:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hahaha it's funny because he's literally dying from being salty hahaha

Regvlas · 109 points · Posted at 20:33:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'll be telling people to get their dialysis treatment when they're being salty in video games from now on.

PM_ME_YOUR_DATSUN · 25 points · Posted at 20:58:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is excellent I'm stealing that.

P0sitive_Outlook · 1 points · Posted at 21:38:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me too. Off to /r/MagicTCG !

Vayro · 1 points · Posted at 21:42:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not if I steal it first!!!

8oD · 1 points · Posted at 21:54:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How many nissans do you get, bro?

PM_ME_YOUR_DATSUN · 1 points · Posted at 22:56:46 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Someone PMd me a Nissan from this thread actually. A nice 240sx. I'd say it's pretty much 50/50

Raidenoid · 2 points · Posted at 21:23:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

/r/globaloffensive

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:42:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Has anyone sent you a picture of their Fatsun?

PM_ME_YOUR_DATSUN · 1 points · Posted at 00:02:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

not a fatsun, no

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:47:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sorry, meant Datsun.

PM_ME_YOUR_DATSUN · 2 points · Posted at 01:22:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I did, however, google "fatsun", to interesting results

trooper5010 · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, not literally.

Yogiollie · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, really.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:24:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

gold

RxQuean · 1 points · Posted at 07:00:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is where I lost it. I giggled through some of the things above but now I'm the sick one wiping tears from my eyes. I feel like this isn't even joking anymore but I'm just nuts. Thanks!

FUGOZD · 1 points · Posted at 20:26:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

KETCHY_SHUBY....IS THIS BOB SMILEY?!

walkclothed · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

ketchy shuby is sex!

BeastModular · 1 points · Posted at 20:28:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No no. It was salty dialysis. The worst kind. Not salty AND dialysis. Salty dialysis.

FoulBachelor · 1 points · Posted at 22:14:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I too would be salty on dialysis, make the move to full paralysis; as the doc failed his analysis. Now you know what callous is, mutter out your phallic diss.

"What a prick!"

Daerdemandt · 19 points · Posted at 18:37:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The cake near your username checks out.

Concordiaa · 4 points · Posted at 21:09:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Catheter is up there as well...

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:00:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Should make you pretty fucking happy. Without it, you/your loved one would be dead.

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:02:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Over 70 years of dialysis takes place every day in the US, one of the consequences of obesity.

hanaanmhd · 1 points · Posted at 03:15:43 on January 17, 2016 · (Permalink)

If you think obese people are undergoing dialysis or dialysis causes obesity, you are so wrong, as the reason for patients being over sized is caused by their fluid intake, since the kidneys have stopped working the fluids gets stored up within their body, which is where the dialysis does the job of extracting the excess fluids. Each dialysis session leaves a little amount lf fluid left and long term stored up fluid within the body is what makes the patients look obese.

Source: post transplant patient here, and right after the surgery i started to pee and within two days my weight got from 88kg to 70kg

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 07:38:43 on January 17, 2016 · (Permalink)

I am happy that you have recovered.

It has nothing to do with what people look like. Obesity is one of the leading factors in renal failure.

hanaanmhd · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:29 on January 17, 2016 · (Permalink)

Thanks you. Obesity, Diabetic and hypertension are the most common factors which impacts in CKD.

bathroomstalin · 1 points · Posted at 21:43:31 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Still torn up over Osama?

Allahu Akbar, man. Allahu Akbar.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You go to that right. And the next one is cellulitis.

sryii · 1 points · Posted at 21:50:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why? It used to be you just died, now people can survive for years, especially if they are just waiting for a transplant. While dialysis sucks and is generally bad situation it is definitely a miracle of modern medicine. I've had a couple of friends who would be dead and had no hope of transplants only be alive because of dialysis.

MuhEngines · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

TRIGGER WARNING

BakerAtNMSU · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

happy cakeday!

uptheneck · 1 points · Posted at 19:44:31 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Kidney slapper.

RyHe11 · 20 points · Posted at 20:33:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Just like my Grandfather used to say.

"Hey, how did you sleep last night?"

"With my eyes closed."

youreloser · 29 points · Posted at 18:41:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"With my brain."

ZenBerzerker · 1 points · Posted at 03:05:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The Matrix has you...

RizzyB · 11 points · Posted at 19:46:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My grandpa used to make this joke every time he was in the hospital. The doctors would look at him like he was crazy. My mom had to tell them that if he could make the joke, then he was doing pretty good.

Z0MB13S · 11 points · Posted at 19:17:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"With my hands, how do you think!? Now put me down you Hooligan!"

nightwing2000 · 3 points · Posted at 05:22:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"My dog has no nose..."

"How does he smell?"

"Awful!"

-Adolph Hitler, per Monty Python

Devilhead2 · 2 points · Posted at 01:07:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"With my emotions okay?!"

MiguelSalaOp · 2 points · Posted at 19:47:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

r/UnexpectedDadJoke

NoraaTheExploraa · 1 points · Posted at 19:48:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

With my brain

jimusah · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"With my brain"

SnapN2aSlimTim · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

...with my brain.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah the good old how do you feel?

With my hands... silly.

peacemaker2007 · 1 points · Posted at 21:52:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"With my hands, what do you think is grabbing your ass!?"

FTFY

LouReddit · 1 points · Posted at 22:16:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

With my brain!

Droppedyourpocket1 · 1 points · Posted at 00:15:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"With my brain!"

mgvertigo101 · 1 points · Posted at 00:44:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hahaha, he's salty. Yaknow, no kidneys and all...

CanoeFish · 1 points · Posted at 01:24:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My Grandpa said that when he was sick. He seemed out of it, but was still able to crack jokes. That one always stuck with me

dbuck11 · 0 points · Posted at 01:52:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)*

With my hands, how do you think!?

"I think just like anyone else, with my brain!"

You missed a golden opportunity.

Edit:
/u/youreloser beat me to it.

Edit #2:
Oh fuck, a lot of people beat me to it. Sorry if I made you read this for the 74,936,112,375,438,234,648,835,465,432,193,546,748^th time.

Edit #3:
I know you didn't read that entire number. You actually saw it and skipped right over it.

Edit #4: If you are radenig tihs fnie tehn I wnat you to konw taht I lvoe you. Did you konw taht our banris are albe to raed msiselpled wrods fnie; jsut as lnog as all the crorcet ltetres are tehre and the fsrit and lsat ltteres are in the rhgit pacle.

Edit #6:
I hoped this comment gained value by teaching you something taht you dndit arladey konw.

Edit #7:
You missed that I didn't do Edit #5.

Edit #8: You just checked to see if Edit #7 was true.

Edit #9:
You are now frustrated that this turned into one of those things where they guess what you do.

Edit #10:
FYI: Edit #11 is going to be a false statement.

Edit #11: Edit #10 is a true statement.

Edit #12:
The people who thought about the last two Edits enough are mind fucked right now.

Edit #13:
The people who didn't understand what was going on in Edit #10 & 11 are confused by Edit #12 because they don't know what's supposed to be mind fuckery.

Edit #14:
The people who still don't understand what's going on are getting aggravated by Edit #13.

Edit #15:
Insert Why are you still reading this? cliché here.

Edit #17:
Yes, Edit #15 is a cliché about a a cliché.

Edit #18:
Did you see the second "a" in Edit #17?

Edit #19:
Be honest, did you nctoie I aslo sipkped Eidt #16

niggerbachmannfagPOO · -2 points · Posted at 21:35:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I had a little salty friend like this. Name was Hooterson. Kinda like Thor but didn't have the same trumbulence but you know what they say about it, can't find it when you need it am I right? Anyway fuck if those stairs didn't have the same amount of salt as mine at home. Lemme break it down for you, as a kid I had my tongue to the stairs at all times, checking that saline, checking that sodium you gotta make sure it's got that sweet and salty taste of cedar and brine. That's the fuckin MIX boy. My dad was the one who got me on it when he'd get right in those stairs tongue blasting. Thats my only memory of him, just balls to the wall glares to the stairs and mouth to the south -- tongues to the sun then down to the bung, he used to say. So after a taste of the steps, 😉 my pep pep would trade me heps.

Gitdagreen · 4236 points · Posted at 18:07:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My four year old hit me with this one in the car the other day:

Me: "You ate?"

Son: "I'm four."

He couldn't understand why i was dying! Kids are so funny!

piranha23 · 2552 points · Posted at 18:59:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My wife to her five year old nephew: "Cole, do you want cheese?"

Cole:"No, just one chee."

[deleted] · 253 points · Posted at 19:37:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 38 points · Posted at 21:02:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wooah, slow down there Slugger.

Inferno_Chemist · 1 points · Posted at 13:18:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Big League Chew?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:22:41 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

slow clap

GoldArchex · 4 points · Posted at 20:57:29 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This one isn't as funny as it is adorable

RehaDesign · 3 points · Posted at 13:27:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I like that alot. Made me laugh. Thanks

1337butterfly · 1 points · Posted at 03:06:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

wait, if we eat pieces of gum has anybody ever seen whole gum?

dangermoose125 · 3 points · Posted at 05:07:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't forget your tinfoil hat!

bigspatula · 1131 points · Posted at 19:17:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

My daughter was holding a sock and asked me where I wanted her to put this "cloe". I didn't understand until she said, "Put them with the rest of the dirty clothes?" Edited for correct phrasing.

randomguy186 · 166 points · Posted at 19:44:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Daddy, am I being hayve?"

youhavetofeedit · 28 points · Posted at 20:34:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I came here to say this! We got into the habit of just shortening it to 'hayving as a family, even though both my boys can now understand behaving.

pottzie · 2 points · Posted at 23:45:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Think of the affect Ebonics and regional dialect have on our language. My mother had an argument with my grandma over the conjugation of the phrase "You'ns." Grandma has said You's, we'uns, them'ns and us'ns for over 80 years and wasn't about to change.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:47:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha, my mom used to call to check on my brother and I while she was at work, she'd always say "Are y'all being hayve?"

reinybainy · 2 points · Posted at 21:08:54 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

My son after getting frustrated with a case of the hiccups: "Mom! I keep hicking up!"

Pacattack57 · 1 points · Posted at 23:32:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This one killed me

flare2000x · 1 points · Posted at 06:15:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't get it . . ?

renekbob · 1 points · Posted at 07:11:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sounds like behaving.

randomguy186 · 1 points · Posted at 15:43:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I tell her to be good. She asks if she's being good.

I tell her to be have. She asks if she's being have (long A).

sgtwoegerfenning · 645 points · Posted at 19:22:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I love this sort of thing. Seeing kids develop their linguistic skill in any language is so fascinating

Kimpyman · 348 points · Posted at 20:58:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

If anybody here speaks spanish this might be funny: When my mom asked me not to share my ice cream with my friend because it had "microbios" (germs) y and replied, "son MIS crobios no TUS crobios".

(They're MY Crobes not YOUR Crobes) heh, actually works in English. go figure.

EDIT: Spanglish

Parmarti · 27 points · Posted at 23:15:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Creo que se te ha colado la "y" queriendo poner "I" :P

"(germs) y replied"

omgpants · 4 points · Posted at 03:15:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well she was the one saying it, so probably they meant "and replied"

Mugut · 1 points · Posted at 05:29:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, he meant he replied that. Otherwise it doesn't make sense.

Kimpyman · 1 points · Posted at 14:23:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

nope

Parmarti · 1 points · Posted at 23:33:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah, you're right, I read it too fast.

Kimpyman · 1 points · Posted at 14:23:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You are correct.

Kimpyman · 2 points · Posted at 14:22:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Spanglish. I actually meant to say "and".

WhatIsThatThing · 5 points · Posted at 02:31:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My cousin did a similar thing when she was a child upon hearing someone else talk about Miami where her father worked: "It's not your ami it's daddy's ami."

Phantom2-7 · 2 points · Posted at 05:19:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm told a made a similar comment in English as a kid when I didn't want to share "my-gurt" because it wasn't "yogurt."

xerenemoss · 2 points · Posted at 06:31:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

We traveled with my son, age 3, to South Florida, and were preparing to depart for the airport. Our son wasn't on board with following our timeline, and decided to throw an atomic temper tantrum as we were trying to get out the door. As his papá and I insisted that he put on his shoes, he stomped his little foot and furiously howled, "But I don't WANT to go to YOUR AMIIIII !!!!!!" We just cracked up, and he got so offended--Poor kid had no idea why we thought it was so funny.

Kimpyman · 1 points · Posted at 14:25:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bajajajajajaja!!!!

Its_Leonela · 3 points · Posted at 22:26:31 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Lmfao!!! I just died laughing!!! That's hilarious!!

SnickeringBear · 3 points · Posted at 00:51:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Got me too. I needed a good laugh.

stillnotking · 116 points · Posted at 20:13:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It was Chomsky's simple disproof of Skinner's behaviorist theory of language acquisition. If kids learned language solely by copying adults, they wouldn't make novel errors like this.

sgtwoegerfenning · 16 points · Posted at 20:20:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Exactly this. I find it astounding that there are people out there who still believe language acquisition comes purely through copying one environment. There's clearly some instinctual universal grammar playing a role.

mr_tungsten · 37 points · Posted at 20:45:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How does this instance prove that there's some instinctual grammar? Isn't the child just catching on to a rule that you add an "s" when talking about multiple objects, and then applying it in reverse?

sgtwoegerfenning · 43 points · Posted at 21:02:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

The instinct is exactly that. The rules applying to certain things must apply to others. Instead of copying words, sentences, and their positions there is some natural instinctive creativity in applying these rules. For instance assuming the [z] at the end of [tji] in "cheese" is similar to that in peas meaning that chee must be the singular despite never having heard chee used as a word ever before.

Edit: As people pointed out this can also be seen as pattern recognition and could fall under copying.
I was quite tired and a little drunk when writing this initially so I didn't express myself too well. I will go home and formulate a better argument right after watching Star Wars a second time.

mr_tungsten · 13 points · Posted at 22:18:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

So the distinction is between only copying exact words/sentences, and between copying more general rules?

abaddamn · -2 points · Posted at 05:00:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The distinction is that there is no distinctions.

mr_tungsten · 2 points · Posted at 05:13:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's definitely not the distinction.

yigal100 · 18 points · Posted at 22:49:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is logically incorrect reasoning. The fact that our brains learns by extracting patterns does not imply in any way that the patterns are universal. It also doesn't contradict the theory that kids learn by mimicking their parents.

blackcatkarma · 5 points · Posted at 01:03:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

And saying there's an instinct that makes children recognise patterns doesn't exclude the possibility that children copy from their parents either.

(If we assume there is an instinct, as I do, don't those errors simply show that the instinct gives us the ability to e.g. conjugate any verb we encounter according to the general rule, which then needs to be fine-tuned to the messy reality of language as it is spoken for reasons of human history, which evolution cannot "foresee"?)

acwaters · 3 points · Posted at 02:00:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think what he means is that "instinct" seems to imply some innate existing knowledge or intuitive understanding. Pattern matching is not so much instinctive as it is just the thing that brains do.

thing___ · 2 points · Posted at 22:33:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Isn't that still just copying though? Just copying a more general rule right? Mice and dogs etc. can do the same thing with behavioral generalization, even to the point of applying a rule "creatively" in a novel situation where it ends up being in error.

More exactly what does he mean by instinctual grammar? Or could you point me towards something to read on it?

I'm not sure it makes sense. It just seems like elaborate operant conditioning to me. I don't think i understand the argument though.

cursicarsi · 2 points · Posted at 05:36:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeppp, it's called generalization in linguistics studies.

Horrible-Human · 1 points · Posted at 22:34:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

is it an instinct if it develops as a result of having learned some particulars during life, as opposed to existing from the get go without any input

blackcatkarma · 8 points · Posted at 00:50:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Chomsky, as far as I understand it, means by "instinct" that a child recognises a pattern and applies it to every word it tries out, saying things like "mouses" and "I goed", instead of "mice" and "I went".

If you claim that children learn language only and exclusively by copying their parents, that then means children cannot make those errors.

Since the irregularities are abritrary (even if there are linguistic reasons), children have to be corrected to speak grammatically correctly.

Maybe the slow disappearance of irregular forms in some instances means that the instinct is winning ;-)

Edit: sentence structure.

mr_tungsten · 5 points · Posted at 01:54:43 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I guess I'm just not making the leap between children recognizing patterns and applying them in a general sense, and there being some instinctual grammar. To me, "instinctual" implies that it isn't learned. So I'd expect feral children to have some similar grammar. Applying a rule that you learn from exposure to speakers, even if you miss the exceptions, doesn't lend any support to it being an instinct, unless I'm missing something.

blackcatkarma · 2 points · Posted at 02:06:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh, I see. So let's assume that Chomsky was just shooting the, hm, "primitive" theory of mere copying out of the water, but with the point you raised, we'd be back at square one - where does grammar come from?
I read Pinker's book (The Language Instinct) ages ago and not very attentively, but what I got was that it's not grammar as such. It's the ability to first recognise if the environment language falls into one of two categories (where the verb goes or something, and apparently it's just two categories for all languages worldwide, but I'd have to confim first - you can see the patchiness of my knowledge here) and then to slot all the rest of the rules into place, allowing for sentence structure in the "grammatical explosion", then tenses and so on to ever more refinement.

I'm not sure it's a point of logic really anyway. The old theories stem from a time of pure thinking and arguing, and now we have brainscans which are a matter of observing and interpreting. Whatever formal logic says will have to take a back seat to what's observed (yes, of course the interpretation has to be logically correct; what I mean is that whatever neuroscience turns up, we'll have to accept, assuming we're able to analyse the results meaningfully and correctly), but I cannot at all make any well-founded statements on the current state of research.

Edit: added stuff in brackets

mr_tungsten · 3 points · Posted at 04:52:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I get the difference between copying exactly what you hear, and being able to generalize. I'm just hung up on it being "instinctual". I'll do some reading on it... never realized that there was this much to it. Thanks for taking the time!

SurprisedPotato · 3 points · Posted at 07:06:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Look up "Seeing Voices" by Oliver Sacks. There's some fascinating observations on language acquisition there.

blackcatkarma · 1 points · Posted at 11:24:50 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, it is a fascinating topic, isn't it. And we're just beginning to unlock the brain.

Neil deGrasse Tyson: "I think psychiatry will be to neuroscience what alchemy was to chemistry."

AnarcoDude · 2 points · Posted at 00:41:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The kind of "novel mistakes" are consistent in children across the planet.

Also the pidgin languages have all pretty much exactly the same grammar which is assumed to be the so called Universal grammar

mr_tungsten · 1 points · Posted at 01:49:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ah, so there is support, but this instance isn't it.

AnarcoDude · 1 points · Posted at 02:23:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

actually it is, it's one of the ug rules of modifying words being adding suffixes

Now multiply that by all the observations of children doing exactly the same and you get the idea

mr_tungsten · 1 points · Posted at 04:46:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

To me, it seems like this is as simple as noticing a pattern and applying it to everything. Has nothing to do with language, much less an "instinctual grammar". To be an instinct, doesn't it have to be untaught? Kids don't learn how to make something a plural without being exposed to it.

AnarcoDude · 1 points · Posted at 14:03:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

the thing is even in languages where this pattern doesn't exist, children make the exact same mistake by assuming that the suffix rule applies.

mr_tungsten · 1 points · Posted at 00:24:54 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

What "suffix rule"? Are you saying that kids add an "s" to pluralize things even in other languages? That makes no sense, so I'm assuming no. If you mean that they apply their language's version of whatever rule, then it's still taught. I'm not seeing what point you're trying to make.

AnarcoDude · 1 points · Posted at 00:47:21 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

no, kids assume you add a suffix on a word to make it plural, and no they don't apply the local language pattern they all make the same mistake of assuming you indicate number with a suffix even when born in places where that does not apply (like china for example)

mr_tungsten · 1 points · Posted at 00:56:46 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Is there a source for this so I can read about it?

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:13:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

National Lampoon many years ago had a game like this - take a word and strip the prefix to create a new word.

"The Hindenburg was filled with hydrogen, an ert gas."

"The Kennedys are real perts at driving." (Not long after Ted's fun with Chappaquaddick, one of Robert Kennedy's sons flipped a jeep driving on the beach, killing one of the passengers.)

mr_tungsten · 2 points · Posted at 05:20:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't understand how this is related.

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 13:31:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

the whole thread is about looking for language rules that don't apply.

mr_tungsten · 2 points · Posted at 00:22:31 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah... and this is a language rule that doesn't exist. On a comment thread about instinctual grammar.

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 13:58:45 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

The game was to apply an "instinctual rule" that actually does not exist. Some rules ist not exist. Some words appear to have prefixes when they don't, just as some words appear to be plural when they are not.

DMPark · 0 points · Posted at 00:39:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Robert Pinker wrote about how kids are born with a universal grammar that is very flexible, and they mold that around what they observe in the first few years of life.

mr_tungsten · 3 points · Posted at 01:48:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ok, but that's a hypothesis. Very well might be correct, but I'm looking for the evidence.

HRTrwy · 2 points · Posted at 05:37:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

There's clearly some instinctual universal grammar playing a role.

No!

Human brains like to generalize and find patterns in data. When a child learns that a dog -> many dogs, a cat -> many cats, a tree -> many trees, his brain automatically finds the pattern 1 thing -> many thing+S.

Once the child's mind has developed this rule, its a simple matter of applying it backwards from many cheese -> 1 chee.

OP's story is of a child inferring rules of grammar, not of a child applying a "universal grammar" that already exists in his head.

If there really is such a thing as "instinctual universal grammar" you'll have to find some other proof of it.

SurprisedPotato · 1 points · Posted at 07:10:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oliver Sacks, in Seeing Voices, documents a case where a fully fledged sign language developed out of nothing, within a community of dead people who had no language to copy. The sign language developed by the second generation, and had all the grammatical complexities and nuances one expects in languages.

These kids weren't copying grammatical patterns, they were constructing them out of their intuitive sense of how to communicate.

HRTrwy · 1 points · Posted at 17:23:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

There was a Pope who wanted to find out what is God's language, so he performed an experiment similar to the case you describe.

He put a bunch of babies on a deserted island with deaf and dumb nannies to take care of them.

He expected that when they started talking (due to their "intuitive sense of how to communicate") they would talk in God's language.

Unfortunately the kids never learned to speak and ended up growing up dumb idiots. So I'll say the pope's experiment nullifies Oliver Sacks's "documented" case.

SurprisedPotato · 1 points · Posted at 22:34:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, it doesn't, because in the deaf community, it was the second generation of deaf that developed a proper language, not the first; but mostly because the pope's alleged experiment is very poorly documented.

BenRowe · 1 points · Posted at 00:48:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can you expand on your last sentence

DeathWithDishonor · 1 points · Posted at 02:24:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Clearly... mmm yes, quite.

VivaLaDio · 1 points · Posted at 07:37:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can you please provide links for both theories , it seems something interesting to read , i've never really read anything about how people learn languages .

Strawberry_Poptart · 83 points · Posted at 20:23:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my little sister was about 2, she would say "this day", "next day", and "last day", instead of today, tomorrow, and yesterday. I always found it fascinating that she came up with stuff like that.

We were at breakfast once, and the waitress asked how she wanted her eggs. She said "round" because she didn't know how to say "over easy".

paper_liger · 51 points · Posted at 21:58:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

My 2 year loves pickles and olives, or as she calls them "pickles and circle-pickles"

Strawberry_Poptart · 20 points · Posted at 23:14:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My nephew called ham "pink turkey".

TheGurw · 1 points · Posted at 00:59:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You should show him raw turkey meat and explain that pink turkey will make you sick.

cheerios_r_gud · 1 points · Posted at 07:22:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My best friend called Inari "brown bags" when she was a little girl

pokerpythondonut · 0 points · Posted at 04:02:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

wait until he becomes a young adult and see his first pussy! hahaha

MyDickTalking · 2 points · Posted at 06:44:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My sister called ranch "tomato lotion"

WhyamIreadingthis · 1 points · Posted at 09:26:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Eggs = pre-birds Forks= food rakes

weezkitty · 21 points · Posted at 21:13:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well to be fair "this day" and "next day" are valid even if they are a bit strange. "Last day" might cause some confusion though.

And eggs "over easy" really makes no sense linguistically

xarender · 9 points · Posted at 23:59:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I've noticed that English speakers from India (including several of my coworkers) always say 'today morning' instead of 'this morning', without exception. It makes sense, it's just doesn't sound right. I've never called them on it.

WhatIsThatThing · 1 points · Posted at 02:49:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It doesn't sound right to you, but it is correct in their dialect. You shouldn't call them on it because "today morning" is the way for them to say it just as "this morning" is the way you say it.

Helpimstuckinreddit · 4 points · Posted at 00:34:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My first guess would be that she started with hearing "last night" because that's a common phrasing, and applied the same rule to "last day" because day/night

weezkitty · 2 points · Posted at 08:00:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Which is quite understandable. The only difference is that "last night" is generally accepted to mean the previous night while "last day" is ambiguous and sounds like the last day of an event or something.

TheTweets · 5 points · Posted at 04:26:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What on earth does "Over easy" even mean?

The only ways of cooking eggs I know of is things like scrambling (Would that count as making an omelette?), hard- and soft-boiling, frying, devilled (however you make devilled eggs) and putting into other things like cake.

SomewhatReadable · 2 points · Posted at 04:51:38 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

An omelette is like a scrambled egg except you don't keep mixing it up once it's in the pan, and it usually has something like cheese, veggies, or meat in it.

Devilled eggs are hard boiled eggs that are choped in half. Then the yolks are scooped and mixed with some other stuff and then shoved back in the whites.

Over-easy is the fried egg equivalent of soft boiled, but there's also over medium or hard. If you don't flip the fried egg its sunny side up.

There's also poached eggs, but I'm not too sure how it works. I believe it's eggs boiled without the shell, and um pretty sure its what you'd get on an eggs Benedict.

198jazzy349 · 1 points · Posted at 04:58:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

poached: boil water, crack egg into water, sccop it out when it's cooked.

[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 21:41:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[deleted]

kymess_jr · 5 points · Posted at 00:36:26 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Actually, the "easy" refers to how you want your yolk cooked (runny in this case). If you want your yolk cooked more, you could order "over medium" or "over hard". The yolk should never be broken before being served no matter if it's easy, medium or hard.

inksday · 3 points · Posted at 01:16:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I really suck at not breaking the yolk.

kymess_jr · 1 points · Posted at 03:28:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me too. But it's my favourite way to eat eggs so I'm gonna keep trying. After 20 years practice, I'm at about a 60% average.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My yolks must be broken and fried hard.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 00:48:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Easy means without cooking the yolk, hard means with the yolk cooked.

198jazzy349 · 1 points · Posted at 04:56:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

you left out medium! explain medium!

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yoke is cooked by not hard. There is still some gushiness.

[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 21:26:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Better than me telling the waitress I want "Dead chicken babies.". I was an odd child.

matts2 · 6 points · Posted at 00:49:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Customer: "How do you prepare your chicken?"

Server: "We don't, we just tell them they are going to die."

weezkitty · 1 points · Posted at 08:01:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That "takes the cake"

kymess_jr · 2 points · Posted at 00:42:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Over easy" makes sense in that it's instructions on how you would like your eggs cooked: flipped over with a soft yolk. You could also order "over medium" or "over hard" if you preferred a more cooked-through yolk. It's similar to when you order a steak and say "rare" or "medium-well".

rilsaur · 2 points · Posted at 05:07:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"last day" is used fairly commonly in conversation around here. we've got great whopping accents though (Nova Scotia).

kaz3e · 1 points · Posted at 03:59:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You have to flip them "over easy" so you don't break the yolk.

Over9000w · 1 points · Posted at 04:26:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What if you want them over hard?

Lazycrazyjen · 2 points · Posted at 00:43:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My five year old is still trying to wrap her head around "yesterday". She asked "what about 'notoday'?"

kymess_jr · 2 points · Posted at 00:48:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think that's really cute, and an accurate description for ordering eggs. I used to say "sunny side down" 'cause I couldn't remember the term over easy for years. In fact I don't think I really got it 'til I was in my late teens or early twenties.

shymouse · 2 points · Posted at 21:44:31 on January 4, 2016 · (Permalink)

When my nephew was about 3 yrs old, he would say "last ago" instead of yesterday, last week, last year, etc. His mom took him to see the movie I Know What You Did Last Summer, and he was telling us about it, calling it "I Know What You Did Last Ago" lol. He also saw "Sucky's Bride" (The Bride of Chucky) around the same time. I'm still not sure why anyone would let a 3 yr old watch those movies, but his names for them were adorable. "Vizza Vizza Vozz" (Wizard of Oz) was his favourite lol.

zfooking · 1 points · Posted at 23:06:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My granddaughter does the exact same thing. This day, next day and last day. Sounds a little odd when you first hear it but I have gotten used to it over the years and it gets the point across perfectly well.

B0h1c4 · 142 points · Posted at 19:47:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was in first grade I had a teacher with a pretty strong English accent (I'm in the US). So she pronounced "er" like "ah". For instance, if she wanted a marker she would say "could you hand me a mahkah".

When we started learning about commas, I thought she was saying "cah-mer". So that's what I called it for several years before I actually caught on. And I thought it was kind of mean that some of my classmates said "comma" because I thought they were mocking her accent.

(I was not the only kid in the class that made this mistake though)

[deleted] · 65 points · Posted at 20:14:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

If you were from Boston commer would make sense. JFK always said "The United States of Americar is". There's something about non-rhotic accents that make them add r's to words that end in a vowel, followed by a word that starts with a vowel.

Unuhpropriate · 64 points · Posted at 20:25:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Foah suppah, I er ah, want a pahty plattah!!

shatteredArm · 16 points · Posted at 20:33:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

Ghandi has ADD!

Unuhpropriate · 3 points · Posted at 23:12:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I have received 3 replies, and you are the first to get the reference. The other two were Mayor and/or Freddy Quimby

Say hello to the next Bubba Sparxx

antianchors · 1 points · Posted at 05:43:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I may be blind, but I can still hear the sweet sound of mah daughtah's laughtah.

liamri · 1 points · Posted at 08:33:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

He was a macho, womanising stud who conquered the moon!

nathansikes · 2 points · Posted at 21:41:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Say chowdah!

kyclef · 2 points · Posted at 04:48:43 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

WITH MY (er, ah) PANTS

pinkkittenfur · 1 points · Posted at 09:30:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Say chowda Frenchy!

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:57:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sure thing, Mayor Quimbey

kyzfrintin · 4 points · Posted at 21:52:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

There's something about rhotic accents that make them add r's to words that end in a vowel, followed by a word that starts with a vowel.

That's actually a feature of non-rhotic accents.

knitted_beanie · 3 points · Posted at 20:32:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's called the "intrusive r" and non-rhotic accents (like mine, BrE) do it too.

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:37:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Does BrE stand for British English? I didn't even include that because I figured it's a given. The New England Accents are all probably the closest american accents to the southern and western English accents. (I think, this is just things that I've noticed when hearing people talk)

kyzfrintin · 3 points · Posted at 21:53:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

In fact, it's exactly the opposite of what they said. Only non-rhotic accents have an intrusive r.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:34:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sorry, man. First year studying linguistics. Too many terms for things.

knitted_beanie · 1 points · Posted at 23:26:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

S'allright man! Hope you're enjoying it :)

JohnWesleyWalsh · 3 points · Posted at 00:33:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You mean non-rhotic accents. And the extra R you are talking about is called an "intrusive R".

perryflunders · 1 points · Posted at 01:07:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I wanted to say that too. I Hope more people will see your comment.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:59:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My bad

Sceptix · 2 points · Posted at 21:02:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linking_and_intrusive_R

Martin2113 · 2 points · Posted at 21:10:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Boston is non rhotic

Strawberry_Poptart · 2 points · Posted at 20:25:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

There is actually a short documentary about that. The dialect is mid-Atlantic English.

[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 20:29:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's a man made accent that was used for broadcasting across both sides of the atlantic. No one actually spoke with that accent, it's called a cultivated accent. Rhotic accents are found in most english speaking countries (New England, UK, AUS to name a few).

Strawberry_Poptart · 1 points · Posted at 20:35:31 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Interesting. I recall that they said that it was taught in schools for a while.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:38:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It was taught in schools. For the rich upper class, though. It was like a formal accent, you wouldn't be talking to your buddies like that, but your boss, maybe. It was mostly used by actors and broadcasters as a blend of British and American accents. I have no idea why they did it, to be honest.

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 20:34:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

If you want to hear a really strange accent, look up "Boston Brahmin" on youtube. It's the last remnamt of wasp hegemony in Boston before it became an Irish Catholic city. It's extremely similar to a cliched upperclass British accent.

Martin2113 · 1 points · Posted at 21:12:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This accent isn't entirely dissimilar from the old south gentry accent you can still find in South Carolina and Savannah Georgia. My dad has this accent. My name is Martin but he says maaahtin

Daama · 1 points · Posted at 20:55:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

R-Linking!

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Americar

FTFY

Ninja edit: ^{In case it wasn't clear, I was referring to the car he was} Hey, where'd all these lawyers come from?

lilaannannas · 1 points · Posted at 21:37:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wasn't he shot out of his americar?

AHucs · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

English people do that as well. Generally you'll find adding an 'r' between two words where the first ends with a vowel and the second starts with it. Makes it easier to say quickly.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:34:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Non-rhotic English speakers do that a lot. India-r-office you know.

Diekaltesee · 1 points · Posted at 01:05:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It comes partly from German, whom originally didn't emphasize the '-er' in their words - i.e. /er/ -> /æ/ / --# /er/ and vice versa - and British who once pronounced the er as "ah (æ)" and the opposite, as such in words like "sergeant." Just something cool.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:23:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

We're really going back far with that one haha. I've read that before the Victorian Era, the more common accents in Britain were rhotic, but eventually non rhotic accents became the majority. I don't know if german has much to do with it. English is a germanic language, but I would think that the reason we say most words the way we do is because of the Norman Invasions in the 11th century.

JimmyHavok · 1 points · Posted at 04:05:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They have all those "r"s left over, they have to do something with them.

I was amused to see "uhm" spelled "erm" in the closed captions of a British drama recently.

feebeeboofay · 3 points · Posted at 01:21:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Working as a medical secretary I have had a lot of fun with transcribing medical reports/letters/etc from NHS Professionals with interesting accents.

One of my favourites, was a Special Registrar with a cut-glass English accent who, when I listened to the dictation, I thought he had suddenly he slipped into Jamaican Patois (he wasn't even Jamaican, he was second generation Asian).

But I was sure he'd said that some notes had been lost 'due to 'teevin' (as in thieving) problems and while that sounded a bit odd to me I typed it up anyway, (busy and distracted by more work coming in) and then found out that he'd said 'teething problems' as we were trying out a new filing system.

My leaving card, when the assignment finished, had a photoshopped picture of him on the front, wearing a Rasta hat and all the 'sorry you're leaving' comments were written in (bad) Jamaican patois.

Very funny guys!

vvrdnt · 2 points · Posted at 23:38:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I studied in a Russian school. In class, after we completed an exercise, our English teacher used to say "that will do". But I had never heard this phase before that, and she had not explained it to us, so it sounded to me as "ratveldoo". I was like "ok, it must be some kind of 'abracadabra' or something to move on to a different task". I then learned the phrase, but even knowing it I couldn't connect what she was saying with what I knew, so she kept sounding as 'ratveldoo' (must be her accent), then, in 2010, I finished school, and forgot the matter until a year or two ago, when one day it dawned on me, "she was saying 'that will do' all the time!...oh"

TRiG_Ireland · 2 points · Posted at 00:11:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That'll do, pig.

Khalexus · 1 points · Posted at 04:16:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

As an Australian with an accent leaning slightly more towards cultivated than broad, I'm struggling with this one. I try to sound out "cah-mer" in my head and it just sounds like a US, maybe Boston, accent. Like how I'd sound if I tried to put on a US accent. If it makes sense at all, I sound out "cah-mer" kind of at the top of my throat, more in my mouth, where if I think of "comma" either in my or a UK accent, it's more in the back of my throat.

B0h1c4 · 1 points · Posted at 11:17:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Honestly, it sounds like your familiarity with pronunciation is a lot more advanced than mine. I kind of get what you are describing, but not really.

Basically, the UK accent (and Australian accent) pronounce R's a lot differently than the American accent. In the US, we use a pretty hard R. So if you said "Mars".... To us it would sound like "Ma's". The way we would say it would sound like the way a pirate says "Arrr"....." Marrrrrrs".

So when I heard the word "comma" from an English accent, I assumed there was an R on the end and she just wasn't pronouncing it as we would. ... I'm not sure if that makes it any clearer.

Khalexus · 1 points · Posted at 23:14:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Aahh, I see what you're saying. You were talking about the end if the word, I was thinking more about the start. The "Com-" bit rather than the "-ma". Yeah we don't really pronounce the R at the end of words. I had to force myself to pronounce it when I lived in Canada just so people could understand what I meant by "cah", "cahd", "fah", etc haha.

Xenalien · 1 points · Posted at 12:57:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

He thought it was "commer" instead of "comma".

runonandonandonanon · 1 points · Posted at 21:02:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I thought Dalek rhymed with garlic for like a year.

boobiemcbooty · 2 points · Posted at 21:10:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah I have friends who call them "Darleks" I never understood why.

ImJustSo · 450 points · Posted at 19:39:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It really is fascinating to see them develop a set of rules to apply to new words, and then adults crushing their little minds with the exceptions to the rules.

5T0NY · 281 points · Posted at 19:45:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Stoopid English

NotThatEasily · 2 points · Posted at 03:00:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Its sew hard sum thymes.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:21:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[removed]

5T0NY · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Um...oui

LawOfExcludedMiddle · -8 points · Posted at 20:07:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

* stoopid English

You only capitalize proper nouns.

Kryptof · 38 points · Posted at 20:21:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Stoopid English

Exception: unless the non-proper noun is the first word of a sentence.

5T0NY · 26 points · Posted at 20:31:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Stoopid English.

FallenDaemon · 7 points · Posted at 21:25:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Rekt

MrDoggeh · 2 points · Posted at 22:14:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

But there's no period, so technically it isn't a sentence!

LawOfExcludedMiddle · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

WHAT??? MY LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE!

bingo_hand_job · -13 points · Posted at 00:26:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)*

deleted

sdrow_sdrawkcab · 5 points · Posted at 02:01:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

https://i.imgur.com/BC3jB4q.png

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 03:14:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not enough edits, keep going.

frittenlord · 2 points · Posted at 08:41:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't try to make "long horses" happen. I don't think this would work again.

silent_xfer · 3 points · Posted at 00:56:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What language do you speak without exceptions? Also, I downvoted you because of these god awful edits, just so you know

looka273 · 0 points · Posted at 00:36:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

English is actually one of the easiest languages to learn.

Source: am Croat, used to learn German

WhatIsThatThing · 1 points · Posted at 02:37:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

*one of the easiest languages to learn for me as a Croat who studied German

There's no such thing as an objectively easy language to learn. All languages are about equally efficient and there's nothing you can say in one language that you can't say in another. In addition to this, there are many factors such as motivation, exposure, and natural aptitude that play a part in language learning as well. While English may be easy for you, a speaker of an unrelated language like Japanese with much less exposure to English or desire to learn it would find learning English much more difficult.

looka273 · 1 points · Posted at 15:31:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, I studied English first. It IS easier. I'm not saying it is the easiest, but it's a lot easier than some (both because it's well exposed in public/internet and because it has simpler grammar etc.).

HorrorScopeZ · 0 points · Posted at 22:18:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Except for the Imperial system.

ffxivthrowaway03 · 63 points · Posted at 21:17:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mostly because it really puts into the limelight just how nonsensical American English is. There's a rule for everything, but there's a dozen exceptions to that rule just because.

hypo-osmotic · 30 points · Posted at 21:47:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't disagree, but I'm curious why you specified American English? I know there's a decent vocabulary difference between the other regions that use English but AFAIK the grammar is mostly the same.

ffxivthrowaway03 · 25 points · Posted at 22:14:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Just being specific. I don't know enough about the nuances of other forms of English to speak about them with any meaningful accuracy.

cowjenga · 2 points · Posted at 23:26:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think you made the right choice - better to be overly specific, and learn that it's actually more general, than to generalise.

gamelizard · 1 points · Posted at 03:00:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

its all pretty much the same old "bunch of logic with nonsense pilled on top of it" every were.

4lteredBeast · 1 points · Posted at 03:16:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

If there's one thing I have learned from Reddit, it's being overly specific about the things that you are talking about.

ffxivthrowaway03 · 1 points · Posted at 03:30:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Precisely, otherwise you end up with some random guy jumping in to tell you how TOTALLY WRONG you are because they can't handle context clues.

ImJustSo · 76 points · Posted at 21:36:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm not talking about grammarian rules(which are used by grammar Nazis), I'm talking about linguistic rules (which children will naturally learn using the language).

English has rules that make perfect sense, and which all native speakers acquire (e.g. Using double negatives, etc). Then there's the rules English teachers teach, which are things like, "Never use a double negative! It's not proper English!".

....which is bullshit. Go fuck yourself Mrs. Ellis!

PunLateToTheParty · 56 points · Posted at 22:44:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't not go fuck yourself Mrs. Ellis.

FTFY

ImJustSo · 15 points · Posted at 23:14:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I mean, that isn't not what I'm saying, that's for sure.

ezzelin · 21 points · Posted at 22:31:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

PUT ZE SPACE BETVEEN ZE VORD UND ZE PARENZASI! SCHNELL!!

looka273 · 3 points · Posted at 00:40:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

JAWOHL MEIN GRAMMATIKVERWEDUNGOBERMARSCHALL!

(If Germans can make up their own words, so can I, don't judge me.)

ezzelin · 2 points · Posted at 06:00:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Grammatik = grammar Verwendung = use Ober = upper Marschall = Marshal

Well done. Sounds like an SS rank. Although Marshal is a bit too high of a title for me. I'd settle for a junior officer.

Dranox · 1 points · Posted at 10:12:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You do know that German v is pronounced f and w is a v?

ezzelin · 1 points · Posted at 13:58:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I do know that. But how would people know I'm an evil Nazi if I wrote in proper English grammar?

HoundWalker · 11 points · Posted at 22:26:46 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah, fuck that stuck-up bitch fucking Mrs. Ellis!

justahominid · 4 points · Posted at 23:19:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wait, I thought we were fucking Mrs. Ellis. What does her lover have to do with it?

ImJustSo · 2 points · Posted at 23:12:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Damn Skippy!

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:00:43 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I would fuck her if she wasn't already obviously fucking Mrs. Ellis

PickThymes · 6 points · Posted at 22:37:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I like to think everyone had their own Mrs. Ellis. Mine was overweight and blond, had a bad temper, and thought I was a bully because I was fat at the time. She was the real bully.

neygeo · 2 points · Posted at 22:23:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Double negatives are okay? Since when?

ImJustSo · 2 points · Posted at 23:11:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Since native speakers of English have used it, for a long time. Just because bitchy Mrs. Ellis says it's wrong, doesn't mean she's right. It just means she's a snobby bitch. :)

HauntedAzimuth · 1 points · Posted at 22:39:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Friendswood??

0b1w4n · 1 points · Posted at 23:54:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How did you not use this opportunity to say "Don't go not fuck yourself, Mrs. Ellis!

Kemono98 · 1 points · Posted at 00:05:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

But double negatives are things??

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:21:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They aren't not things.

Kemono98 · 1 points · Posted at 00:29:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes they are if you said 'I ain't done nothing' then you're saying you haven't done nothing which implies you have done something even though you were trying to explain that you hadn't done anything therefore its a double negative

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes they are if you said 'I ain't done nothing' then you're saying you haven't done nothing which implies you have done something even though you were trying to explain that you hadn't done anything therefore its a double negative

Oh? So you came up with your own example, which you've heard in the English language (used famously by George Bernard Shaw). So if a scientist were studying the English language, and he heard that phrase, would that scientist say, "Double negatives do not exist!"

Or would he take notes?

Also, to quote you here

even though you were trying to explain that you hadn't done anything

It's clear to me that you knew exactly what was meant by that utterance, which tells me you must be a native speaker of English, and can understand the meaning behind the utterance.

Kemono98 · 1 points · Posted at 00:47:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm African

TRiG_Ireland · 1 points · Posted at 00:05:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

There are some English dialects in which double negatives are rare or non-existent. I almost never use them myself. (My dialect is pretty close to standard English: some people do actually speak like this; we aren't putting it on.)

ImJustSo · 2 points · Posted at 00:20:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Which standard English? :P

Also, my example was just an example of one of the possible rules. I realize reading it now it seems like I implied that all speakers of English learn double negatives. That's not what I meant. A linguistic rule is not the same as an English rule taught by an English teacher.

A linguistic rule: Double negatives are perfectly acceptable in many dialects of English.

An English teacher's rule: We do not ever use a double negative in English, because you're stupid and wrong and bad and I'll chop your face off.

TRiG_Ireland · 1 points · Posted at 01:02:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm Irish, with English parents, and grew up on BBC Radio 4. That said, in the formal, standard register, British and Irish English are pretty close in grammar and vocabulary. My accent is a weird hybrid mish-mash, though.

whatWHYok · 1 points · Posted at 00:12:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

A long shot... but you don't happen to be from Connecticut? I know there are probably hundreds of Mrs. Ellis' but it would be cool if we had the same one.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:12:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha, nope, she was in Arizona.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 00:45:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The thing is a double negative can be ambiguous. There are times when it is just fine and times when the receiver won't reliably get the message.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:51:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Which has absolutely no bearing on whether people will use them or not. There's also a ton of other ambiguities that can occur in languages, which still will not stop us from using them. But to deny that they simply exist and are used is ignorant.

"I love to corrupt women with good looks."

This is a perfectly acceptable English sentence, right?

But do I love to corrupt women who are good looking?

Do I love to corrupt women using my good looks?

It's ambiguous, we should probably pretend like it doesn't exist, and we should probably write a rule down somewhere in an English book to make sure no one ever uses it! :)

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 01:01:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Which has absolutely no bearing on whether people will use them or not.

It has bearing on the rule. The rule is badly presented and so exceptions make it seem like the rule is wrong.

There's also a ton of other ambiguities that can occur in languages,

Of course. That does not mean we don't try to minimize them. The rule is more like "be careful with double negatives as they are prone to misinterpretation". That is a good rule.

This is a perfectly acceptable English sentence, right?

Do you mean grammatically correct? Of course. You can't eliminate ambiguity with syntax. It is an example of a grammatically correct sentence that has an ambiguous meaning. So what?

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 01:13:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It has bearing on the rule. The rule is badly presented and so exceptions make it seem like the rule is wrong.

I'm sorry, but who's in charge of these rules? The answer is no one. The only people who use "rules" against others are trying to oppress another individual or group of people.

Of course. That does not mean we don't try to minimize them. The rule is more like "be careful with double negatives as they are prone to misinterpretation". That is a good rule.

The only true rules that exist are ones that do not place any value judgments. I do not care what you think is right or wrong with English. I will just continue saying that people use double negatives in English. And I will always be right. Because it's a fact, a hard scientific fact.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 03:06:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm sorry, but who's in charge of these rules? The answer is no one.

Which does not mean they don't exist. English teachers are trying to teach communication. They present rules to help that.

The only people who use "rules" against others are trying to oppress another individual or group of people.

You are joking, yes?

The only true rules that exist are ones that do not place any value judgments. I do not care what you think is right or wrong with English. I will just continue saying that people use double negatives in English. And I will always be right. Because it's a fact, a hard scientific fact.

So you end up with a value judgement. Sure.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 04:37:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm certified to teach English.
No, I'm not joking.
Say what?

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 07:56:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"I will always be right" is a value judgement.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 12:18:26 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, it's a scientific statement, because one's confident that you can't make a fact just disappear and never have been in existence.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 17:19:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My rules are better than yours. It is a fact, not a value judgement.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 17:33:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh, except I have science backing me, and you have nothing. :)

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 17:43:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What do you think you have science backing you on? What do you think I have said?

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 18:40:26 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You have said that "the rule is wrong", and the way that linguistic study works is that you can acknowledge a rule exists in a language. You don't say, "That's wrong."

You say, "Speakers of X language use Y, in the instance of Z." Or whatever else you're studying. In the case we're discussing, "Speakers of the English language use double negatives, in the instance of negative accord." But also, "Speakers of the English language use double negatives, in the instance of double negation."

You can throw tantrums about how others use language, and dislike it, and think it's wrong, but you're just applying your own beliefs and social filter to another person's speech. The moment that you try to correct them or apply your ideology about how English should be used, rather than accepting the way it's used, then you're trying to oppress other forms of language that you find less prestigious.

And while you may think double negatives in English are less prestigious, that didn't stop Chaucer or Shakespeare from using them. It also won't stop others from using them, because it's a simple fact that they are a part of the English language, whether you like it or not.

Edit: or not our.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You have said that "the rule is wrong",

The rule in question being "don't use double negatives".

you can acknowledge a rule exists in a language.

Rules don't exist in the language, rules are things we develop to describe the regularities in the language.

You can throw tantrums about how others use language

You need to stop whining and try to deal with the topic.

social filter to another person's speech

All speaking is a social action, all communication is a social action. It is not simply filters involved, there is structural activity as well. But of course we are apply social filters/rules to the speech, that is how it works.

The moment that you try to correct them or apply your ideology about how English should be used, rather than accepting the way it's used, then you're trying to oppress other forms of language that you find less prestigious.

Great, what is the scientific basis for this grandiose claim?

And while you may think double negatives in English are less prestigious,

Are you just going on with some pre-programmed response? Or do you at some time want to get back to what I actually wrote?

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 19:49:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

So then what point are you arguing, specifically?

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 19:58:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I've given it several times, maybe you should actually read my posts.

ImJustSo · 0 points · Posted at 20:09:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

So you're just trolling? K, fuck off.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Trolling? You have been ranting and raving and proclaiming you have the one and only scientific truth. All the while you didn't bother to actually read my posts.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 20:33:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I read that you think a fact about English is wrong. :)

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:34 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

What fact and please back it up with an appropriate peer reviewed citation.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:50:49 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

The fact is simple. Double negation is used in English, by many people in the past, many people in the present, and will be used by many people in the future, because it's a part of the English language.

You can't argue against this fact, you cannot disprove this fact, and I don't need a peer reviewed article to prove this point because you'd have to be fucking retarded to disagree.

This scientific fact cannot be disputed with reason.

Now I'm almost positive that you're trolling, because no one is this dumb, it's not possible. Fuck off.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:09 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

So you never actually read what I wrote. OK. I'll repeat it. Double negatives are frequently a source of unintended ambiguity. English teachers, who are primarily teaching communication, should point out the potential problem. The rule is not "don't use double negatives", no less "double negatives are always wrong", the rule is "be careful with double negatives". And just so you don't travel again down your wrong path that is not a syntactical rule, it is a rule of high quality communication. Sort of like how eschew surplusage is a good rule, but not a rule of the language itself. If you have trouble understanding the distinction in the types of rules I can explain it differently for you.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 10:06:22 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

So you never actually read what I wrote. OK. I'll repeat it.

I believe I asked you to restate it, and you chose to be a fuckin troll about it.

Double negatives are frequently a source of unintended ambiguity. English teachers, who are primarily teaching communication, should point out the potential problem. The rule is not "don't use double negatives", no less "double negatives are always wrong", the rule is "be careful with double negatives".

This is nothing but your opinion of what is the most prestigious form of English. I don't believe they are frequently a source of unintended ambiguity, you do.

And just so you don't travel again down your wrong path that is not a syntactical rule, it is a rule of high quality communication.

While it is a syntactic rule, it's more of a prescriptive rule in this case. Since you've been prescribing what people should and should not do in language. Perhaps the receiver of your communication saw your deliverance of the message hidden in a patronizing tone, therefore couldn't receive the message in the way you intended. Maybe it's possible you need to work on your "high quality communicatIon" so that it doesn't continue happening in the future? And you probably should avoid teaching until you can relate to anyone you are trying to teach something to, rather than patronize them. If you are a teacher, or working to become a teacher, then you're a bitch just like Mrs. Ellis and you have nothing I wish to learn. Furthermore, this environment you've created to try to teach me something is hostile and if teaching me something was your goal, then you've failed. I do not wish to learn anything from you and you cannot coerce me into it, because you're a fuckin asshole. Work on that.

Sort of like how eschew surplusage is a good rule, but not a rule of the language itself. If you have trouble understanding the distinction in the types of rules I can explain it differently for you.

No, that's a rule I disagree with also. But you're welcome to continue giving me rules for writing (while ignoring other rules for writing by Twain). Everyone's a hypocrite, right?

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 18:26:10 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is nothing but your opinion of what is the most prestigious form of English

Where the fuck do you see "prestigious" in my comment?

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 19:04:08 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

it is a rule of high quality communication.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 21:00:09 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wow, do you know nothing of communication theory? I was talking about error rate.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:09 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

To be honest? No, I don't. I've never studied the field of communication theory. I've only studied components which would be a subset of that field. I've studied linguistics and everything relating to it, and I've studied TESOL. Both of which have enabled me to have a good understanding of error rates though.

So how does that help make your point about double negatives? Because the areas with which I'm familiar all suggest individuals whose idiolect contain double negatives are able to communicate just fine. There's no abundance of errors relating to double negatives and the only time double negatives aren't accepted is in any setting where the standard English dialect is preferred. And the standard English dialect is only preferred because it's currently the most prestigious, with all other dialects being oppressed. Mostly due to racial and/or socio-economic prejudices.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 23:27:56 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

I am so glad you have read everything there is to know about linguistics. That's just great. So apparently double negatives are never ambiguous and those that use them communicate perfectly. You have convinced me of the scientific backing with your extensive references.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 23:55:27 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

So apparently double negatives are never ambiguous

I'm sorry that you interpreted what I've said incorrectly, but that's wrong.

and those that use them communicate perfectly.

Correct.

You have convinced me of the scientific backing with your extensive references.

I'm not interested in teaching petulant children a god damn thing, troll. Stay ignorant.

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 00:03:19 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

I'm sorry that you interpreted what I've said incorrectly, but that's wrong.

But you have read all linguistics, how can you write something that is misinterpreted?

Correct.

Wow, they communicate perfectly? They need to tell their secrets, Shannon told us that all communication has errors.

I'm not interested in teaching petulant children a god damn thing, troll. Stay ignorant.

Don't worry, everyone reading know you lied about the scientific basis of your nonsense.

ImJustSo · 0 points · Posted at 00:10:15 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

But you have read all linguistics, how can you write something that is misinterpreted?

I'm sorry that you interpreted what I've said incorrectly, troll.

Wow, they communicate perfectly? They need to tell their secrets, Shannon told us that all communication has errors.

They communicate just as perfectly as everybody else. :)

Don't worry, everyone reading know you lied about the scientific basis of your nonsense.

I'm not worried about a thing. It's still a scientific fact that English has double negatives. Which is the only fact I claimed with certainty. Get the fuck out of here with your psuedo intellectual bullshit, trolling piece of shit. You are a worthless human being. You haven't argued in a constructive manner from the beginning, you've used nothing but a standoffish, assholish manner to attempt to get your points across, you're a patronizing fuck face, and so why would I bother to gather any research for a fuck face? You do not deserve a fair treatment in an argument to any response you've made. You don't deserve cited sources, and you don't deserve any kind of fair debate. 'cuz you're a fuck face. :)

matts2 · 1 points · Posted at 00:21:22 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

They communicate just as perfectly as everybody else. :)

Wow, everyone communicates perfectly. Goodly done, goodly done.

Get the fuck out of here with your psuedo intellectual bullshit, trolling piece of shit.

Do you talk to yourself oftenly?

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:54:02 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

Killer-Barbie · 1 points · Posted at 02:25:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't end a sentence with a preposition

Edit: and use an before words starting with h

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 02:35:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't end a sentence with a preposition

This rule is a throwback from when grammarians were trying to make English more prestigious by applying Latin based grammar rules to English. Such a silly concept.

ringaaling · 1 points · Posted at 02:27:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Woah my english teacher's name was Mrs. Ellis.

Shod_Kuribo · 1 points · Posted at 02:33:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

....which is bullshit.

Not really. There's a reason for it: it is much more difficult to understand. Because it's unnecessarily complex, you immediately start to question whether they mistakenly used a 2x negative or intentionally meant to use it in place of the much shorter positive version.

You could technically use a double negative correctly but it makes your sentence much more likely to be misunderstood and puts a lot of unnecessary effort on the listener.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 04:38:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, it's just not part of your dialect. And for people whose dialect it is a part of, common double negatives make perfect sense.

Edit: who's, whose

Shod_Kuribo · 1 points · Posted at 07:11:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, it's just not part of your dialect.

No, it is and it's still confusing as hell for no actual benefit.

And for people whose dialect it is a part of, common double negatives make perfect sense.

Which is kinda the point if only the ones you personally hear regularly make sense then that's an indicator that they are in fact unnecessarily confusing and limit the speaker's ability to communicate (with new people), which is why your English teacher told you not to use them.

However, you're not talking about a dialect, you're talking about an idiom when you refer to commonality.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 12:27:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, it is and it's still confusing as hell for no actual benefit.

No, you are wrong.

Which is kinda the point if only the ones you personally hear regularly make sense then that's an indicator that they are in fact unnecessarily confusing and limit the speaker's ability to communicate (with new people), which is why your English teacher told you not to use them.

No, this is how languages change over the length of the land, and exactly how dialects of a region are formed.

However, you're not talking about a dialect, you're talking about an idiom when you refer to commonality.

No, I'm talking about a dialect. A dialect may possess different idioms than another dialect. Even a person may have their own individual versions of an idiom, but what you're referring to is not an idiom. There are plenty of cases when a person uses a new double negative based on the rules of already existing ones, and people understand them. If they begin using this double negative it will become part of their idiolect. And if others started using it commonly, then it'll become part of a dialect.

Furthermore, an entire language is nothing more than an entire dialect, because the only difference between a language and a dialect is that a language has an army.

RulerOf · 1 points · Posted at 02:44:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

....which isn't not bullshit. Go fuck yourself Mrs. Ellis!

Ftfy

NewTranslator · 1 points · Posted at 06:26:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The words you're looking for are:

Descriptive rules - learned intuitively with very little formal explanation; these are usually describing how a language is

Prescriptive rules - arbitrary rules set down by those with social power; usually say how a language SHOULD be.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 12:32:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I know what they are, but I can't just say words like that and expect a majority of r/jokes to understand that jargon.

But yes, thank you for the words and more elaborate definition. :)

ambid17 · 1 points · Posted at 07:24:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I had a Mrs Ellis in 8th year

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:18:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's because there is a group of people that studied the language and want to keep it as it is.

That's not how it works government, the language is what the people make of it. You can only guide it, not shape it.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 12:17:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, I'm sad to say, keeping a language as it is only kills a language. Because the only language that stays the same is a dead one.

FLABANGED · 2 points · Posted at 12:02:43 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Aussie - sicarancon? (What's going on?)

NZ - Ow Gee wassup bro?

British - What on earth is going on?

Irish - rsfsrgfgghjgthesasasmjlkioui?

HitlersHysterectomy · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Just like the justice system. And the tax code.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:34:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Because the language evolved from several other languages.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:19:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

(all languages are like that)

CheekyRafiki · 1 points · Posted at 05:01:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's actually not "just because" :) English plural actually used to be way more annoying (not to mention there used to be a far more prolific class system for nouns, adjectives, and verbs), until the Vikings came and said "fuck this shit" and just applied the most common plural ending "-s" to almost the entire language.

Words like "feet" and "mice" were the norm at one point, where pluralization was denoted by the changing of the stem vowel. The few that survived were the result of the words being used frequently enough and being relatable to the common person.

Book used to be "beek" in the plural, and there were other forms of plural, for example "bread" becoming "breadru."

A lot of the irregularities we have in English are simply the result of phonological evolution and the process of becoming an analytic language from a synthetic language. This means that words carry less grammatical information, and word order becomes the more significant vehicle of grammar as morphological markers of case disappear. Many of the irregularities are also simply leftover relics of an old case system and phonological developments that ensued.

Yay English!

Coffeinated · 1 points · Posted at 09:27:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You can try german in your next life. Have fun. There is not a single rule how to conjugate verbs.

A tiny example: Lesen (to read), gehen (to go, to walk) and reden (to talk). Look similar enough, right? Let's start with I read and I talk:

Ich lese, ich gehe, ich rede. Fine, similar! I have to tell you, that was an exception. Next one, you:

Du liest, du gehst, du redest.

Next one:

Er liest, er geht, er redet.

Wir lesen, wir gehen, wir reden ihr lest, ihr geht, ihr redet Sie lesen, sie gehen, sie reden

Diekaltesee · 1 points · Posted at 00:52:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's every single language, and learning English (definitely not American English, all of the English language and its dialects) for children is no different than learning any other as a first language at all. All languages have their rules broken at one point or another.

lilaannannas · 2 points · Posted at 21:33:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah, making children feel dumb is my specialty

nyx1969 · 2 points · Posted at 22:05:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

but they don't always get crushed. we actually learned in my linguistics class (a long time ago!) that this is part of how languages evolve: "mistakes" that seem to make more sense than the "right" answer are really hard to suppress!

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 23:18:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Furthermore, trying to stymie a language does nothing but kill a language. Literally, the only language that does not change is a dead one.

Grammar Nazis are the enemies of the English language. Friggin Nazis.

GefionBlodaxe · 2 points · Posted at 22:08:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No way! If people try to correct my children when they are trying out new words or phrases (today my 4 year old said our new cat is "night-turnal"), I give them a stare that warns a harsh punch to the throat.

Bingo-Bango-Bong-o · 2 points · Posted at 23:35:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That actually tells us a lot about how language develops according to some psych documentary I watched years ago. The fact that kids say things like "I runned" instead of "I ran" clues us in that our brains do in fact learn language by applying rules and schemas to language rather than rote memorization.

It may seem a bit obvious but I always thought things like that were interesting...

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 23:56:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I went to college and got a degree in linguistics and every thing we learned about language gave you that exact feeling everytime, "Huh, that's actually pretty obvious! But really interesting."

Even little things blew my mind, like that a "J" sound actually starts with a "D" sound. Or that a "T" is just a "D" without your vocal chords moving.

Bingo-Bango-Bong-o · 1 points · Posted at 00:03:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wow, you totally blew my mind just now with those two tidbits

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:28:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha, well...here's some similar mind blowing things about consonants.

A "G" is a voiced "K".

A "B" is a voiced "P".

A "V" is a voiced "F".

A "Z" is a voiced "S".

A "J" is a voiced "Ch".

The "G" in 'genre' is a voiced "sh" like in 'she'.

Voicing "th" is the difference between "they" and a voiceless "th", like in "thirty".

Bingo-Bango-Bong-o · 1 points · Posted at 12:46:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

And now my co-workers think I'm nuts as I'm sitting here saying "Ga" "Ka", " Bee" "Pee"...

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 13:30:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Relevant linguistic llama meme

echosixwhiskey · 2 points · Posted at 20:51:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Little kids need to grow up

The_Rowan · 1 points · Posted at 00:00:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"I before E" - ok, got it. I have learned something.
Except after "C" - OK. Didn't expect that. But Ok.
Except in NEIGHBOR and WEIGH.
And the exceptions seem to go on and on to the little ones.

TRiG_Ireland · 1 points · Posted at 00:08:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

If you add the rule where the sound is ee, there are far fewer exceptions. Still some, such as seize and protein (and apparently some people pronounce weird with an ee sound, in which case that too would be an exception).

The_Rowan · 1 points · Posted at 00:13:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It always comes back to general truths-generally, this is the way to spell.

ImJustSo · 1 points · Posted at 00:12:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Which is why grammarians should be ignored.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:33:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Crushing is quite dramatic

Blindbandit21 · 1 points · Posted at 07:51:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my sister was very young she invented a word that makes way more sense than the one we actually use. Instead of the word "won't" she used the word "willn't" as in "I willn't eat any more". We had never considered that "won't" is a strange contraction for "will not" until my 4 year old sister inadvertantly fixed a small piece of the English language

TheBoysNotQuiteRight · 0 points · Posted at 20:06:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Except for the young Esperantinos, of course.

gayrongaybones · 52 points · Posted at 23:52:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was about 5 or 6, a waiter asked how I wanted my burger cooked. I had never been asked that question before, but I had always heard my parents order it "medium" so I said "small."

198jazzy349 · 3 points · Posted at 05:00:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

it bothers me when any restraunt asks how i want my ground beef prepared. it's griund beef, just make sure it reaches 160 or whatever.

Irregulator101 · 1 points · Posted at 06:03:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

... Some people like it red and some people like it charred

jimskog99 · 1 points · Posted at 08:31:20 on January 11, 2016 · (Permalink)

If they don't, I usually (rightfully) assume that they aren't confident in the quality of their meat.

198jazzy349 · 1 points · Posted at 08:41:08 on January 11, 2016 · (Permalink)

I have had a burger made with prime, cooked to "rare" and I will admit it was good... But if I hadn't opened the packaging myself and prepared the patty myself I wouldn't have felt comfortable consuming it.

majleonj · 2 points · Posted at 08:45:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

A friend of mine, newly arrived in the US, ordered an extra large steak (since I ordered a medium) and a super salad (waitress asked if he wanted soup or salad). He liked to eat a lot.

gayrongaybones · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm a big fan of the "Super Salad." Another good one, I once watched a full grown man order tuna tar tar "medium rare."

vagrantheather · 32 points · Posted at 21:51:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My sister was fond of using the contraction "amn't." I amn't going to bed, for instance. It was a surprisingly persistent quirk.

[deleted] · 15 points · Posted at 00:44:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha, I came here to say this about my little sister. It makes sense, linguistically.

bertzum · 2 points · Posted at 03:20:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Amn't seems like it's actually pretty similar to ain't.

SomewhatReadable · 2 points · Posted at 04:53:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It actually makes a lot more sense. Where does the "ai-" part come from anyway?

nightwing2000 · 2 points · Posted at 05:17:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

If I had to guess, "m" and "n" in sequence is awkward, so speaking quickly reduces it to "an't".

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:01:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 11:27:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Good reason not to go to bed I guess.

ShesusXSuperstah · 2 points · Posted at 02:11:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hey! TIL that amn't is commonly used in Ireland. http://www.fluentin3months.com/speak-like-the-irish/

JackONeill_ · 1 points · Posted at 03:06:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Depends where, never heard it in my life

ShesusXSuperstah · 1 points · Posted at 03:25:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah I saw somewhere else that it depends on the region

isit2003 · 1 points · Posted at 03:33:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ain't started as a contraction in Victorian London to mean am not. She's catching on!

AitchyB · 1 points · Posted at 08:17:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My daughter does this.

Tre-X · 50 points · Posted at 23:12:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son is 5 and in kindergarten. He brought some work home and it was syllables which he knew how to do because he's been in preschool and other programs. So, I let him do his thing and I checked it when he was done. There were pictures of objects and he had to write the number of syllables next to it. He got them all right except for one. The picture of a half moon. I said "come on buddy you know these, how many does this have?" He said it has two syllables, I disagreed and we went back and forth about why moon is only one syllable and not two. He then looked at me in disgust and said "seriously dad? That's not a moon it's a crescent." Well played, son. Well played.

MattBest · 39 points · Posted at 20:22:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Louis Theroux mentioned that he told his children he wanted to do an interview with them. He sat them down and started talking to them and after a few seconds one of them said "This is boring! When are you going to start?" Louis replied "This is it! I'm doing it now!" to which the child said, "But I thought you were going to do an int of me?"

cosine5000 · 47 points · Posted at 19:49:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah, I remember reading one from a restaurant:

Dad "Your plate is gone, the waiter took it away" 4 Year old "Yes, he dis it appeared"

[deleted] · 28 points · Posted at 21:01:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

dish-appeared??

DoesHaveFunSometimes · 1 points · Posted at 00:04:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Dean Martin at 4 years!

198jazzy349 · 1 points · Posted at 04:59:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

dad, stop.

ClassikAssassin · 1 points · Posted at 03:12:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

r/shubreddit

derleth · 1 points · Posted at 06:56:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Dad "Your plate is gone, the waiter took it away" 4 Year old "Yes, he dis it appeared"

It's like a German separable verb.

Milkshnake · 4 points · Posted at 01:37:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My kids have all used "what" instead of "that" as a conjunction in certain instances. For example, they'll say:

Is that the one what I was reading?

I find this interesting because Spanish uses "que" for "what" and "that", but the kids don't know Spanish. Also, I realized that "what" and "that" are pretty similar anyway.

Rikplaysbass · 3 points · Posted at 21:16:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's honestly amazing to me. My son is two and it seems like every day he learns new ways to tell me what he wants.

Lady-A · 4 points · Posted at 20:42:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Our son once asked what was cooking on the stove...
"What are those, kentils?" (It was lentils.)

And he used to called Pad Thai 'Thai Pie.' So much cute :)

allanbc · 2 points · Posted at 23:38:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Been watching this happen live the past year. My daughter is around two and a half years, and she's starting to figure out how to create long sentences and string severa together sensibly. She hasn't figured out how to conjugate properly yet, so it still takes some effort to understand her sometimes, but damn if it isn't an awesome experience to follow the development.

LordFlashy · 2 points · Posted at 00:13:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My daughter used to talk about what she would do when she became "a dult".

burtonpacker · 2 points · Posted at 02:10:01 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Being the second oldest of 8, I've seen this sort of thing happen many a time. Kids are so funny.

frcShoryuken · 3 points · Posted at 19:33:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Both of my little sisters did the same thing. So funny

DonBeech · 3 points · Posted at 20:47:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My niece just took a shit by herself. She's 2.

Anderos787 · 1 points · Posted at 13:41:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

hiku575 · 3 points · Posted at 21:57:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My 3 year old son frequently uses the terms "yesternight" and "yesterweek"... My wife and I never correct him because we love those to hear his say them.. I hope he turns out OK..

jimskog99 · 2 points · Posted at 08:33:37 on January 11, 2016 · (Permalink)

Wouldn't those phrases be correct in old English?

hiku575 · 1 points · Posted at 19:54:44 on January 11, 2016 · (Permalink)

They might be... it always makes me thing of the term "fortnight" when he says them..

nlightin · 2 points · Posted at 22:17:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

We need a /r/ChildrenJokes these are great!

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 06:56:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You know what's cool is "clo" is actually a unit of measurement for how comfort levels in temperature. I think it's something like a business suit is roughly 1 clo or something like that.

Throw13579 · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me: "Sherry, behave!"

My 4 year old daughter: "I'm bein' have!"

DinosaurTamer · 1 points · Posted at 23:16:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

After my dad made pork chops sister "mmm stake" dad "no pork" sister "i already have a fork"

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 00:24:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not 100% the same thing, but my little sister used to call Miami "Your Ami".

alarbus · 1 points · Posted at 00:38:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

But the singular is cloth.

Pulchritudosity · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My cousin told her 4-year-old son she was going to be gone for a couple days visiting Miami. When I asked him if he missed her while she was in Miami, he corrected me, saying that it wasn't my ami, but his mommy's ami.

sugarvenomohyeah · 1 points · Posted at 06:13:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When kids do this it's called "generalization." Applying one linguistic rule to words that it doesn't apply to. It's adorable.

reinybainy · 1 points · Posted at 21:07:56 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

That's funny, I never knew anyone else to say that except for my brother!

PodgeBear · 196 points · Posted at 19:32:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mum did something similar when she was little.

"Can I have a var?"
"A what?"
"A var. For this flower."
"You mean vase."
"No, I only want one."

zijital · 58 points · Posted at 19:50:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Want to confuse even adults: Get the Attorney General from California and the Attorney General from Maine together in a room, and you have two Attorneys General.

theAlpacaLives · 28 points · Posted at 20:10:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Polygamy is bad because you'll have two mothers-in-law.

I told that one to some passers-by, and two of them turned out to be off-duty sergeants-at-arms.

APPALLING_USERNAME · 29 points · Posted at 20:48:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did they live in separate culs-de-sac?

HotPandaLove · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

And in the original french, you wouldn't even pronounce the s in culs, right? So to add to the confusion, they both sound the same.

[deleted] · 6 points · Posted at 05:49:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Only one of them sounds the same, but you get to pick which one.

PsychoAgent · 13 points · Posted at 20:39:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Same if you take each Sergeant Major from two battalions, you'll have two Sergeants Major.

Nylund · 6 points · Posted at 22:31:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This type of thing comes up in baseball. A common stat is Run Batted In, or RBI (ar-bee-eye). The plural is Runs Batted In. No one thinks that should be RsBI. The debate is, do you still say RBI, or is the plural RBIs even though the "s" is on the R, not at the end?

But then there's the playful pronunciation of RBI, ribbie (or ribby). The plural of that is most definitely ribbies.

derleth · 2 points · Posted at 06:58:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The debate is, do you still say RBI, or is the plural RBIs even though the "s" is on the R, not at the end?

I say RsBI, because I'm a shitty pirate.

("Arse be I!")

ThunderCuuuunt · 1 points · Posted at 05:18:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

So RBIs, but Runs Batted In. Similarly, AGs but Attorneys General.

0theHumanity · 4 points · Posted at 20:29:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, they aren't generals so that makes sense.

DanTheTerrible · 4 points · Posted at 22:38:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't even ask why majors outrank lieutenants but lieutenant generals outrank major generals.

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:02:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Throw in some senior military JAG officers and you'll General Attorneys, too.

Sighthrowaway99 · 2 points · Posted at 21:51:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The plural of surgeon-general is surgeons-general, the past tense of surgeons-general is surgeonsed-general.

monorock · 1 points · Posted at 02:30:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I like to order multiple Whoppers Jr.

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 05:15:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Throw in a couple of gentlemen farmers and you've got yourself a deal.

Hygrocybe · 24 points · Posted at 19:39:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Are you, by chance, British?

PodgeBear · 19 points · Posted at 19:46:46 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes - what gives it away?

FuujinSama · 66 points · Posted at 19:53:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

In US english, Vase and Var sound nothing alike as the 'r' isn't mute.

PodgeBear · 17 points · Posted at 19:58:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ah, I'd spotted Mum (but that's also Australian) but had forgotten varse / vayse soundings :)

[deleted] · 4 points · Posted at 01:21:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Even worse: In many parts of Canada it'd be pronounced like "vawze"

BoxOfNothing · 2 points · Posted at 22:55:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

To be fair, all Australian, Kiwi, Irish and South Africans I know say mum and varse. Although the Irish in particular also say mam and mom.

WuSin · 2 points · Posted at 02:24:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Stupid americans...amirite.

LarsOfTheMohican · 23 points · Posted at 19:59:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Also, no one pronounces the word "vahz" unless they are trying to sound pretentious

ThrobbingDoner · 5 points · Posted at 23:37:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Or they're saying it in french, as that's exactly how 'vase' is pronounced

LarsOfTheMohican · 1 points · Posted at 00:02:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Again

"US English"

Ralph_Charante · 2 points · Posted at 00:20:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"English - Simplified"

LarsOfTheMohican · 1 points · Posted at 01:05:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"English! Now with reduced French!"

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 04:32:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"English - perfected"

FTFY

CheesyJeevesYT · 4 points · Posted at 20:36:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

But... that's how I say it...

Just the way I was brought up I guess, probably changes depending on the region you grew up in

ThunderCuuuunt · 8 points · Posted at 20:46:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Okay, Jeeves.

CheesyJeevesYT · 2 points · Posted at 01:21:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Holy shit my name makes that sound pretentious as fuck.

Im_Fucking_Gay · 3 points · Posted at 21:18:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well cut it out.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:54:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't worry, that's how I say it too. You are not alone my friend.

StationaryMole · 1 points · Posted at 22:50:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not necessarily region. I pronounce it that way while almost none of my friends, who grew up in the same hometown, say it that way.

hornwort · 1 points · Posted at 00:46:38 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Where are you from where people use a hard A?

flashmedallion · 1 points · Posted at 06:54:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Y'know, or from a country whose accent pronounces it that way. England, South Africa, New Zealand all spring to mind.

LarsOfTheMohican · 1 points · Posted at 11:51:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"England, South Africa, New Zealand"

"US English"

I swear Reddit can't read...

TheStorMan · 1 points · Posted at 21:45:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Funny, vayz sounds pretentious to me.

ThunderCuuuunt · 1 points · Posted at 05:20:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Rhymes with mace.

TheStorMan · 2 points · Posted at 11:45:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Rhymes with jazz for me.

ThunderCuuuunt · 1 points · Posted at 16:10:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was referring to the common pronunciation that would begin with "vay". It would be an unvoiced "s" sound, not a voiced "z" sound at the end.

TheStorMan · 1 points · Posted at 23:20:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Cool, thanks for clearing that up.

WronglyPronounced · 0 points · Posted at 20:39:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's how its pronounced in Scotland

LarsOfTheMohican · 1 points · Posted at 21:22:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Scotland"

"US English"

WronglyPronounced · 1 points · Posted at 21:26:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My bad. Didn't see the US English part

LarsOfTheMohican · 2 points · Posted at 22:51:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

username checks out

capsguyyy · 2 points · Posted at 20:12:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This made no sense until you ELi5'd it. Much love.

ThunderCuuuunt · 123 points · Posted at 19:38:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's the most British thing I've read all day.

PodgeBear · 26 points · Posted at 19:47:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hah! how come?

ThunderCuuuunt · 219 points · Posted at 19:50:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

mum
In America, she would have asked for a vay.
The image of a proper English girl asking to put a flower in a vase. After that, I imagine, she had some tea.

[deleted] · 92 points · Posted at 19:59:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

On behalf of those of us who only speak American, thank you for explaining this one.

WuSin · 2 points · Posted at 02:23:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You speak a malformed version of english.

workingnights · 3 points · Posted at 22:08:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Lesson 1 in all other languages. Dates go in ascending or descending order. DD/MM/YYYY YYYY/MM/DD

Not a random order like MM/DD/MPG/IQ/YYYY

kangareagle · 2 points · Posted at 22:49:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

American dates aren't in a random order.

BoxOfNothing · 4 points · Posted at 22:54:29 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't actually know this, I'm not being facetious, is there a reason for it being month>day>year? It just seems so odd, and without context looks like a random order. And also odd that if there is a reason USA is the only country to do it, to my knowledge.

DopePedaller · 1 points · Posted at 00:40:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

As an American this bothers me. For stuff that's mine and mine alone I use yyyy-mm-dd.

SomewhatReadable · 1 points · Posted at 05:05:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

In Canada, we use it sometimes as well. This is a problem we have from sharing a border and language with the States. I really feel like people just put down numbers in whatever order they feel like though. DD/MM/YY MM/DD/YY YY/MM/DD YY/DD/MM Mmm/DD/YYYY etc.

kangareagle · -1 points · Posted at 23:04:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Americans usually SAY March 4th rather than "the 4th of March." It's a bit more streamlined, and most of the time you don't need to say the year.

I don't know which came first between the writing and the saying, but I can imagine that they wrote it the way that they're used to saying it.

MANY times, the British way of saying something is new, whereas the Americans continue using the form that used to be prevalent in England: "fall" for autumn; the pronunciation of vase, which is perfect for this conversation; soccer for football, and lots more.

This might be another of those things. http://www.antimoon.com/forum/t1952.htm

But regardless of the reason, of course, it's not "random."

BoxOfNothing · 2 points · Posted at 23:22:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

Football was called association football first and "soccer" short for association later on to avoid confusion between rugby football and association football, football came first, soccer was used after confusion, then abandoned when rugby became known purely as rugby.

Vase was taken from French, where they pronounce it "vahz", taken from the latin Vas. So again, vahz was first in France and in the UK as we took it directly. Vayse has never been commonly used here.

Autumn comes from the French Automne and was introduced into the British vernacular in the 15th century, whereas Fall was introduced in the 16th century. Fall was more prominent for a long time, but Autumn actually did come first. Fall was abandoned as it "sounded archaic" along with Ver and Primetemps that were used for Spring.

It's also a myth that American accents are more similar to older English accents than modern English accents. The closest by far is the West Country accent. The only way American dialects tend to be more similar is because they're rhotic, but even then not all American accents are rhotic and not all British accents aren't rhotic. The rest of the accent is more similar to modern Britain, as I say, particularly the West Country accent.

As far as the dates go, that doesn't really make sense to me. I mean sure, it's streamlined to say March 4th rather than the 4th of March, but is it really that much of an effort? Lots of things would be easier to say but make less sense so we don't say them. And once it's written down it seems quite obvious that it doesn't really make sense.

Pronunciations and using different words don't bother me in the slightest by the way, I'd be fine if our words were invented 10 years ago and yours 1000 years ago, I just find the impracticality of the date system strange.

kangareagle · 1 points · Posted at 23:43:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I say that something is new, I don't necessarily mean that it's come from nothing. I mean that its prevalence and domination in Britain is new. As in, both terms might have been used in the past, and the American version comes from England. It wasn't invented in the US. I wasn't clear.

Which came first in England isn't really my point at all. I'm trying to say that the date thing might not have been invented in the US either.

As for "vase," the online etymology dictionary says: "American English preserves the original English pronunciation (Swift rhymes it with face, Byron with place and grace), while British English shifted mid-19c. to preference for a pronunciation that rhymes with bras."

If you have a source that says otherwise, I'm eager to hear it.

It's also a myth that American accents are more similar to older English accents than modern English accents.

I never said anything like that, or thought anything like that. Not sure what you think I'm saying here. I'm just saying that things that people think were created in the US often weren't.

Neither English nor American versions have any claim to the "real" English. They both started in the same place and they've both evolved.

I mean sure, it's streamlined to say March 4th rather than the 4th of March, but is it really that much of an effort? And once it's written down it seems quite obvious that it doesn't really make sense.

I don't know. I'm always dubious when people say that something doesn't make sense when millions of people make sense of it every day. They do it that way, so the question is whether it makes sense to change. In the modern world, it's making more and more sense to change, but 150 years ago, why bother?

BoxOfNothing · 2 points · Posted at 23:51:46 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I just read a couple of articles on it and looked up the origin of the word vase and how it was immediately pronounced upon introduction to the UK and it said it was vahz first. It could have been more popular in a period I was unaware of that the articles didn't mention.

No I didn't think you did, I just thought it was semi relevant and thought it was interesting, sorry if it sounded accusatory at all. My accent is far from that kind of pronunciation so I have no horse in that race.

I don't mean it doesn't make sense as in it's impossible to understand, the reasons for starting to do it that way at all just don't make sense to me. Not an insult, just find it unusual. We do weird shit too where I have to stop and think "what the fuck were they doing?". It's a bizarre and kind of stupid language we speak and each country has evolved it in different, messed up ways.

kangareagle · 1 points · Posted at 00:01:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I just read a couple of articles on it and looked up the origin of the word vase and how it was immediately pronounced upon introduction to the UK and it said it was vahz first. It could have been more popular in a period I was unaware of that the articles didn't mention.

Maybe there was a backlash against French-sounding words. I imagine that fillet and lieutenant were pronounced the French way for a while.

the reasons for starting to do it that way at all just don't make sense to me.

Eh, just a guess. People probably said it for hundreds of years before most people were writing it down, and then maybe more time before the year was commonly written. It's not "that much of an effort" to change how you say something, but most people don't just go changing their habits without a really good reason.

Again, I don't know which came first. Just a guess.

TheSlimyDog · -3 points · Posted at 04:07:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I guess it's more natural to say August 30th than 30th of August. Also, fuck the English. Those are two reasons off the top of my head.

BoxOfNothing · 1 points · Posted at 14:25:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Feels more natural because you were raised with it. I always laugh when I hear it in film trailers.

ThunderCuuuunt · 2 points · Posted at 05:11:01 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

DD/MM/YYYY is crap.

YYYY-MM-DD T hh:mm:ss UTC is the way to go.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:20:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Aussies say mum too.

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 21:04:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

And vah-se, mostly.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:39:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Lol, agreed.

Edit: we also say spud for potato

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:23:39 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

Or just potato. That's what I say anyway.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:41:02 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

As long as it's not potarto, lol.

wot_a_thot · 1 points · Posted at 03:50:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Depends on the state. Most Queenslanders and New South Welshman say varz in my experience. It's mainly the toffy Victorians and South Australians that say vayse.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 05:03:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Put the chimps on the barbie

raisedbysheep · 1 points · Posted at 00:46:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Now even you can understand it!

Pulchritudosity · 1 points · Posted at 04:23:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I like your username.

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 21:05:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Learn to speak Americanish...

*Flashback*

*Begins sobbing uncontrollably*

Mimsy-Porpington · 2 points · Posted at 20:33:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

And crumpets. Don't forget the crumpets.

PodgeBear · 1 points · Posted at 20:01:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That makes sense! And that's rather funny that you got that image - it's quite likely that she did, knowing my gran.

gistak · 1 points · Posted at 22:56:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Though, many Americans pronounce it the same way as the British.

ThunderCuuuunt · 1 points · Posted at 23:30:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

True, but American English is generally rhotic, so "var" would not be pronounced like any variation of "vase" anyway.

There are American accents that introduce an "r" sound into words that don't have them otherwise (like "wash" as pronounced by some southerners, especially older Texans, so that it nearly rhymes with "Porsche"; similarly, "Warshington"). But I've never heard that with the word "vase".

gistak · 1 points · Posted at 03:49:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was only responding to your #2. In America, many people wouldn't have asked for a vay. Maybe a Vah.

ThunderCuuuunt · 1 points · Posted at 03:59:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes, I got that, so I elaborated.

TheTweets · 1 points · Posted at 04:34:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm from the Midlands, so it might be different up in the place where the Northerners really live, but I'm considered "Northern" by Londoners so I feel pretty qualified here:

Why wouldn't you out the flowers in a vase? I don't know if up in Manchester they just use them to mark territory or something but here if you have flowers they're for show, and kids don't generally own vases, since they're stowed away in cupboards (Unless they're out and filled with the dead flowers from last time).

Seddaz · 1 points · Posted at 10:56:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't let those Londoners tell you what you are. You're from the Midlands, a proud person who gets the mediocre weather and some adequate countryside to walk through.

As we up in the North keep the Scottish away from the border, you lot keep the Londoners in their little circle of expensive pints and rudeness. For all 20 people living up in the wilderness of the North, I thank you for your efforts.

TheTweets · 2 points · Posted at 11:00:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was wondering why you'd not sent reinforcements. The Blight has started to taint us, a friend says "glarses" and "barth".

With the news that only 20 remain, it's much more forgiveable.

For now our plan of converting select Southerners is all we can hope for. I'll have them saying "cob", "barm cake" or whatnot if it's the last thing I do!

ThunderCuuuunt · 0 points · Posted at 05:15:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, I don't know about the Midlands, but here in 'Murica we're rugged individualists, and the little girl would have pulled herself up by the bootstraps and either gotten the vase herself, or else whittled one out of an oak tree.

For real, it was the "var" that did it, which would not be how any American would transcribe the syllable /va/. But it all sounded very polite and proper somehow anyway, which to an American sounds very British.

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:20:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Miss Manners was asked:

When is a vase a "vahse"?

Her reply - when it holds dahsies.

RainWindowCoffee · 3 points · Posted at 01:16:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Because a Briton would pronounced "var" the way an American would pronounce "vah".

The little girl said she wanted a "vah" (to American ears), because she thought "vase" was "vahs", a plural form of "vah".

SemiSeriousStudent · 2 points · Posted at 19:40:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You probably haven't read much today.

ThunderCuuuunt · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Probably not.

cmad182 · 1 points · Posted at 11:15:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Could be Australian too.

fapcitybish · 2 points · Posted at 02:27:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"It's levi-O-sa, not levi-o-SA!"

ZenBerzerker · 2 points · Posted at 03:00:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Can I have a var?" "A what?"

http://ch0wnag3.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/levar_burton.jpg

CookiezFort · 1 points · Posted at 22:19:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I dont get it

PodgeBear · 2 points · Posted at 22:22:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Vase sounds like two of them. I'm British, so we say "varse" rather than "vayse" - if she'd been from the US, then she would have asked for "a vay" as she only wanted one.

Dogredisblue · 1 points · Posted at 00:49:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wouldn't it be vay though?

PodgeBear · 1 points · Posted at 07:43:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not in the UK, no.

mecklejay · 73 points · Posted at 19:25:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

And a junior western bacon chee, I'm trying to watch my figure.

Newni · 10 points · Posted at 20:33:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hmmmm fuck. my. ass. What do I want?

Swinship · 27 points · Posted at 19:41:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Put two of them Up your ass!, and give me 4 Chicken Mcnuggets!'

[deleted] · 8 points · Posted at 19:34:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

And a SMALL parfait.

Tbonejones12 · 20 points · Posted at 19:41:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Half regular coke, half diet coke, I'm trying to watch my figure.

JTdude95 · 3 points · Posted at 05:08:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Please, don't... offer me anything. I'll tell YOU what I want.

DrPaulGoodman · 2 points · Posted at 19:50:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Take two if the nuggets and shove then up your ass!

f8f7f6f5f4 · 2 points · Posted at 03:24:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

And a small. A SMALL!!! seasoned curly.

Dex22er · 2 points · Posted at 23:28:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Tryna lose some of the weight

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:08:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Two hot dogs, two ice cream cones, a bucket-size popcorn, some skittles, and a diet coke.

I'm watching my weight.

JTdude95 · 2 points · Posted at 05:10:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

SHUT UP and listen to my ORDER.

JTdude95 · 3 points · Posted at 05:07:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My GOD Kyle, take forever with the order.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:41:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't forget a diet coke.

The_Rowan · 1 points · Posted at 00:11:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Laughter is a good way to slaughter the fat cells and be able to weigh in happier.

paperairplanerace · 1 points · Posted at 06:48:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Damn it this is super familiar and ringing bells but I can't remember what the video is that it's from ...

mecklejay · 2 points · Posted at 06:51:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Tenacious D, Drive-Thru!

paperairplanerace · 1 points · Posted at 07:21:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Okay cool, thank you!

Weep2D2 · 12 points · Posted at 19:15:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh that's adorable.

ConnorXConnor · 2 points · Posted at 19:28:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Explain this one?

billymcguffin · 18 points · Posted at 19:30:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The 's' sound at the end of 'cheese' denotes a plural, so obviously one slice is just a 'chee'.

ConnorXConnor · 2 points · Posted at 19:53:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

wow give that kid an award. comedy gold

jimycrakdcorn_nicare · 0 points · Posted at 20:13:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Obviously

InterZu · 1 points · Posted at 22:34:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is tenacious D

MooingDeathPhD · 0 points · Posted at 19:21:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wouldn't it be dirty cloth?

n0radrenaline · 4 points · Posted at 19:24:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not if you can't write. "Clothes" is pronounced a lot more like "close" than "cloth" + "s".

edit: in most American English dialects anyway, can't really vouch for others.

PerfectLogic · 3 points · Posted at 19:24:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Only when reading it. Sounds like she wasn't old enough to read.

fh3131 · 4 points · Posted at 19:27:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No because most of us pronounce "clothes" very similar to "close" when speaking quickly

silspd · 2 points · Posted at 19:24:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Nope.

SexistFlyingPig · 3 points · Posted at 22:44:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is how "pea" became a word. Pease is the name of a particular crop, like barley or corn. But because the "s" sound at the end generally means the plural of something, people started thinking that pease was actually peas, and so that one pea would be the singular.

I guess now you can have a pea of pease just like you can have a kernel of corn or a single grain of barley. (And this is where the weight measurement of "grain= 64.79 mg" came from, I just learned source )

Saint-Peer · 2 points · Posted at 19:30:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

omg ;_; im using this

Grantnatnian · 2 points · Posted at 19:22:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Actually kind of crazy how quickly children pick up on the syntax of their parents' language!

afondul · 1 points · Posted at 19:49:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm going to totally start saying this.

fb5a1199 · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

JUNIOR bacon chee

takereasygreasy · 1 points · Posted at 20:23:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I feel dat, cole, I feel dat.

AsherGray · 1 points · Posted at 20:27:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

One corn chee please

freakydeakykiki · 1 points · Posted at 22:11:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My daughter used to ask for a "juice bock." It was juice bocks if she needed one for herself and her sister.

that_sara · 1 points · Posted at 00:44:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I used to argue every single night with my three year old over the fact that pajamas are called pajamas even though they are "just one pajama." I now just ask him if he wants to put his pajama on.

Comcastrated · 1 points · Posted at 02:47:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Chichis!

BalognaRanger · 1 points · Posted at 03:22:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

...a JUNIOR western bacon chee...A JUNIOR!!

Pacattack57 · 1 points · Posted at 04:01:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mexican people say this all the time. Except it sound more like chess. "

fljawn · 1 points · Posted at 04:45:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

does cole have a younger brother named elliot? near the detroit area? i may have just found my first ever personal connection on reddit. weird.

piranha23 · 1 points · Posted at 06:25:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm sure it's not the same kid. I just told my wife that her anecdote blew up on reddit and she just informed me that I was thinking of a different nephew, but we'll just call him Cole for now :)

fljawn · 1 points · Posted at 06:50:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:14:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Genius for linguistic analysis lol and hilarious

Elvebrilith · 1 points · Posted at 06:22:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

the chee are NOT to be eaten. they are a loving race.

usernametaken333 · 1 points · Posted at 06:33:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Junior bacon chee!

jvill8 · 1 points · Posted at 22:56:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My girlfriend's sister once complained to her mom that their brother wasn't "being have"

BullshitUsername · 348 points · Posted at 18:49:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mom and I used to race down the hall when I was a toddler.

She told me about a time where she said to me, "You won, /u/BullshitUsername! You won!"

And I replied, "No, I three!"

LesserOfPooEvils · 20 points · Posted at 21:37:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My favorite part about this thread is the people that don't get dad jokes at all.

I was trained young to spew awful dad jokes.

Three year old me: "Hey sister, want a blib?" (Not sure why I thought that's what they were called)

Five year old sister: "yeah."

TYOM: "Get it yourself."

BullshitUsername · 6 points · Posted at 22:13:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

nice.

Tyroyal47 · 3 points · Posted at 19:42:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When is was 4 or 5 I told my father I was going to my friends house as he was tying my shoes and he kept on saying "no shit" and everytime he did I was just like "yes I am!"

DeXiZ · 11 points · Posted at 19:23:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't get it

fh3131 · 229 points · Posted at 19:25:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wait till you ate

plazmablu · 44 points · Posted at 19:26:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

Seven ate nine.

Ten was in the other room doing coke with five and six. He had never been the same since he served in 'Nam. His wife, 19, left him - she couldn't deal with his PTSD. Sweat soaked nightmares had driven her from the marital bed, and his flashbacks and mood swings eventually pushed her away for good.

She took the house, the car, the kids... 10 was an empty man by the end of the divorce.

Rahbek23 · 3 points · Posted at 19:28:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

MONSTER

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:17:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

FRISBEE

VAGINA_PMs_PLZ · 3 points · Posted at 21:26:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Eight is afraid of seven because seven is a registered six offender

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:11:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

🎶 God help 10... she was only 19 🎶

Sorry. Just the aussie in me.

Jabborn · 1 points · Posted at 21:19:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You could say 10 became a mere shadow of himself, a 01...

modestcows · 1 points · Posted at 05:34:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can you explain this?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

that is some dank meta

MagisterPita · 9 points · Posted at 19:25:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He's not one. He's three.

riffdex · 3 points · Posted at 19:56:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He not one. He three

FTFY

DeXiZ · 1 points · Posted at 19:27:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ah, like that. Thank you kind stranger.

raisedbysheep · 1 points · Posted at 00:47:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You should have let him wander forever unknowing.

twoliterdietcoke · 1 points · Posted at 21:41:01 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Gracie Allen: My Mom told me I used to be a twin.

George Burns: Oh yeah?

Gracie Allen: Yes, when I was two.

PleasureGun · 1 points · Posted at 20:22:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You're a wise one.

koteuop · -2 points · Posted at 19:37:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your mom was calling you /u/BullshitUsername when you were three? Isn't that a little young to be cursing at your children?

[deleted] · 49 points · Posted at 18:45:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[deleted]

Pleasant_Jim · 89 points · Posted at 18:56:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This deserves to be to filled with jokes that are four years old.

SkollFenrirson · 136 points · Posted at 19:03:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

So, half of /r/funny

GauntletWizard · 66 points · Posted at 19:10:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The other half of r/funny are jokes old enough to vote.

WhiteMorphious · 26 points · Posted at 19:12:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Among other things ... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

FogHeadJohn · 40 points · Posted at 19:18:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Fuck those jokes

WhiteMorphious · 27 points · Posted at 19:22:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

While they vote? That's a strange way to screw around with the democratic process.

justchilleng · 18 points · Posted at 19:48:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well no matter who we vote for we're fucked

raisedbysheep · 1 points · Posted at 00:56:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Its funny that everyone seems to agree on this sentiment yet it's allowed to continue generation after generation despite 7 billion people knowing how to do it a better way.

Its so funny that most humans will suffer until they die playing musical chairs for no real reason at all.

Hahahahahahaha thank god I got dick cancer from reddit and this won't affect/effect me for much longer.

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 21:15:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, don't vote Trump.

I'm an Australian, so it doesn't really matter to us (we're basically unharmed) but I still don't want to see that narcissistic fool given the pleasure.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:31:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sanders is getting my vote. Seriously though, if you want Not Trump to win, vote Bernie Sanders

SarcasticGiraffes · 3 points · Posted at 19:23:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Nice.

ReverseCold · 1 points · Posted at 19:17:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

So, everything on the front page of /r/funny - yes.

MysteriousUserDvD · 6 points · Posted at 19:04:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Done.

ll-FooFighter-ll · 2 points · Posted at 19:51:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Or as my son says, "four ears old".

BucKramer · 45 points · Posted at 19:04:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I honestly though I read that your four year old hit you with a car the other day. It's more confusing when you read"He couldn't understand why I was dying! Kids are so funny!" afterwards...

through_a_ways · 1 points · Posted at 23:14:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Daddy's sleeping

usually_on_time · 9 points · Posted at 19:26:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Damn, I had a bad day but damn this comment made me laugh so hard. This and the OP post. Good thread, good stuff.

[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 20:10:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm hungover as fuck standing in line for food and laughing my ass off. Reddit always makes me feel better.

derekandroid · 2 points · Posted at 02:07:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That makes me feel better

SirFappleton · 2 points · Posted at 23:06:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Aww I hope you have a good day tomorrow! And a great dream tonight :) I'll do a blood sacrifice in your honor <3

g_squidman · 5 points · Posted at 19:15:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Eated*

Suckonmyfatvagina · 3 points · Posted at 19:23:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm learnding

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:14:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I seent it!

BebopFlow · 5 points · Posted at 21:01:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of something I asked my mom as a kid "mom, if [BebopFlow's friend] is a vegetarian, why does he speak English?"

Paukchopp · 22 points · Posted at 18:47:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can someone please explain to me what "You ate?" means?

PubicTransportation · 157 points · Posted at 18:58:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Spotted the alien invader.

DRBlast · 51 points · Posted at 19:05:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

HE'S TRYING TO ASSIMILATE!

Tigerfire20 · 22 points · Posted at 19:17:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

DEMOCRACY. IS. NON-NEGOTIABLE!

PsychoAgent · 1 points · Posted at 20:41:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

What's your name soldier?

Tigerfire20 · 1 points · Posted at 10:54:38 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

LIBERTY. PRIME. ONLINE!

YourOwnDemise · 1 points · Posted at 00:18:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

DEATH IS A PREFERABLE ALTERNATIVE TO COMMUNISM!

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:52:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your foster parents are dead.

SirFappleton · 1 points · Posted at 23:07:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

More like spotted the Arab in the comments section of YouTube

ackeba · 93 points · Posted at 18:51:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

have you already eaten? edit: or rather it's like saying "I assume you've already eaten, but I'm asking because I'm not positive and mom's not going to be happy if I bring you home starving during the time period in which it was my responsibility to care for you"

cubalibresNcigars · 22 points · Posted at 19:09:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Spoken like a true dad.

SeaLeggs · 2 points · Posted at 22:50:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Classic dad memory

Batrachot0xin · 50 points · Posted at 19:21:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Could also be phrased: "Jeet yet?"

troawai15 · 14 points · Posted at 19:34:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Jeet? No, Jew? No, squeet!

bearssuck · 3 points · Posted at 22:23:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wungo wit?

diplydoo · 2 points · Posted at 04:58:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Batrachot0xin · 1 points · Posted at 14:05:01 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Gid daht.

Professor_pranks · 1 points · Posted at 01:54:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yantoo?

Awdayshus · 31 points · Posted at 18:49:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He was asking if the child had eaten food.

mjedwin13 · 22 points · Posted at 18:51:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's the short way of asking "have you eaten".... Which also sound likes "are you eight", that's the joke

Chispy · 2 points · Posted at 19:24:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

http://i.imgur.com/3Gpey.jpg

Howzieky · 10 points · Posted at 18:48:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You eight?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:25:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is probably what the four year old heard.

dustydiamond · 7 points · Posted at 19:18:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can someone please explain why turtle hands is funny?

Dicfredo · 13 points · Posted at 19:22:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The kid heard it as bear hands.

dustydiamond · 4 points · Posted at 21:31:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Thank you!

alwaysadmiring · 2 points · Posted at 19:23:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

Bare hands meaning without a spoon or fork for example, but the kid probably thought 'bear' hands and responded no, 'turtle' hands since he was playing with ninja turtles

dustydiamond · 1 points · Posted at 21:31:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ohhhh said the blind man...and picked up his hammer and saw. Thanks!

TheCrimsonChair · 8 points · Posted at 18:51:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He was asking if his son had consumed food. Ate is the past tense of eat.

newt16 · 1 points · Posted at 21:48:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ate is only the past tense of eat in a statement, not a question. You can't say "have you ate yet?". I can see why the kid was confused

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:04:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

newt16 · 1 points · Posted at 22:10:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No. I'm agreeing with everything you've said in this thread paukchop. I think you missread what I wrote

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:16:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

newt16 · 1 points · Posted at 22:38:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No. Read it again. I wrote "ate is only the past tense of eat in a statement". You are reading it as "ate is the only past tense of eat in a statement". Those two sentences have different meanings. I am saying you can only use ate as the past tense in a statement. If it's a question, you would use eaten

lawhottie · 1 points · Posted at 23:10:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You can if the child has given you reason to believe that they ate earlier. In response to that evidence, you can assume they have eaten or you can directly question the implication that they ate by asking, "... You ate?"

newt16 · 1 points · Posted at 00:27:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Shit, you are right. I take back everything I ever said.

Paukchopp · -10 points · Posted at 19:05:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Which is used after I, he, she, we and they, but not you 😕

magister777 · 4 points · Posted at 19:13:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You ate my porkchop.

sublime13 · 0 points · Posted at 20:04:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You've eaten everything.

spmahn · 3 points · Posted at 19:27:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The word ate can be used after the pronoun you, but in that context it becomes a statement of fact and not a question.

Paukchopp · -6 points · Posted at 19:32:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Pretty sure that's a question mark I see

spmahn · 3 points · Posted at 19:38:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I understand that, which is why I am mostly in agreement with you. The word ate is past tense, when making an interrogatory statement, you would not use the past tense of a verb. I guess you could say "You ate the last piece of pie, didn't you?" But that's more of an accusation than a question.

radoncadonk · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You ate a cheeseburger for lunch.

It just isn't a very proper question, which would be more appropriately worded "Have you eaten (yet)?"

westerosi_whore · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It is used after "you"

You ate the last piece of pizza.

Paukchopp · -1 points · Posted at 19:24:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not in a question

newt16 · 2 points · Posted at 21:50:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Exactly. Not sure why the downvotes

newt16 · 1 points · Posted at 21:47:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not sure why you are getting downvoted. "You ate" can be used as a statement but not as a question. The question would be "you eaten?". I can see why the kid thought he was asking his age, because his parents have terrible grammar.

Paukchopp · 0 points · Posted at 22:01:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Exactly. This is exactly it. Thank you kind stranger for having some common sense.

idealreaddit · 0 points · Posted at 20:36:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Who gives a shit

CaramelCrumble · -1 points · Posted at 19:13:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's almost like people use slang or something.... Weird.

Selfdefines · 0 points · Posted at 20:36:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

English doesn't always make sense, I know.

Paukchopp · 2 points · Posted at 20:47:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Only if you don't use it correctly. That's the only reason there's confusion here 😂

Selfdefines · 1 points · Posted at 20:51:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

English is practically a colloquial language to me, it doesn't come entirely from rhyme or reason. It is slapped together in a lot of ways.

nignoghezbollah · -1 points · Posted at 21:06:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You're kind of a dick.

newt16 · 0 points · Posted at 21:50:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He's not a dick, he's correct

TheCrimsonChair · -2 points · Posted at 19:13:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm not an expert so idk, but it's used commonly this way informally

hello2016 · 8 points · Posted at 19:10:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

What are you? ISIS or something?

TMOverbeck · 2 points · Posted at 21:01:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, I brother!

Paukchopp · 1 points · Posted at 19:18:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes?

Suckonmyfatvagina · 1 points · Posted at 19:23:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:28:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You eight?

nopunchespulled · 1 points · Posted at 19:32:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Have you eaten

charkins1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

As in "Have you eaten?" The sounds that the words "You ate?" would make sounds like "You Eight?" where the child responds, "no I'm four".

newt16 · 2 points · Posted at 21:51:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

No wonder the kid was confused. His parent's grammar is terrible

Sombody_you_dontknow · 1 points · Posted at 20:34:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You 8?

Tadereaz · 1 points · Posted at 20:47:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Instead of asking the full question "have you eaten?"

Nomae-Org · 1 points · Posted at 22:17:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The kid heard eight (years old).

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:39:29 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You 8?

mr_banhammer · 0 points · Posted at 18:49:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You eight?

Eight years old.

KingNosmo · 0 points · Posted at 19:19:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

7 8 9

Pacificpandalord · 0 points · Posted at 19:26:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Ate" sounds like "8".

Paukchopp · -1 points · Posted at 19:31:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Really? /s

[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 19:23:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

Paukchopp · 1 points · Posted at 19:26:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did you 8 years old already?

Create_a_cunt · 8 points · Posted at 19:18:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Maybe your son's "full" sounds like four. Then both of you were correctly ambiguous ;)

LUClEN · 2 points · Posted at 19:14:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Their obliviousness makes it even funnier

ikahjalmr · 3 points · Posted at 19:25:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

the ultimate deadpan

sunbandit · 2 points · Posted at 13:45:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This Halloween, my 5yo niece got a roll of Sixlets. When I told her that I used to love Sixlets, she said, "No. These are Marble Yums."

NotOriginalOriginal · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Die while driving, genius!

yumyum36 · 1 points · Posted at 19:09:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well it's pretty clear he hit you with a car. I think that's why you're dying.

TheFantasticDoc · 1 points · Posted at 19:11:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The logic they use is like always right.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:38:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Tsss

MiguelSalaOp · 1 points · Posted at 19:47:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

r/UnexpectedDadJoke

A_Little_Rude · 1 points · Posted at 20:16:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

RIP

MyQueenGetsAround · 1 points · Posted at 20:37:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is about how funny her joke was.

mr-dogshit · 1 points · Posted at 20:50:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

One Christmas when I was a small kid...

Grandad: "would you like to try some wine?"

Me: "No thank you"

GD: "Oh, is that because you're a teetotaller?"

Me: "No, I don't like tea"

Eurynom0s · 1 points · Posted at 21:16:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

HairlessSasquatch · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of the Simpsons joke where home becomes Max Power and meets the other guy.

"Hungry? You like Thai?"

"Tie good. You like shirt?"

andreafantastic · 1 points · Posted at 00:02:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

LMAO.

adammcbomb · 1 points · Posted at 01:51:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My niece when she was 2 years old found an old My Little Pony doll. She asked what it was. Her mom said "It's My Little Pony." So she handed it over to her mom and said "Okay.... it's YOUR little pony..." with a sad face.

Erochimaru · 1 points · Posted at 02:24:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Stupid = funny?

Myturnnow44 · 1 points · Posted at 03:51:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Leah, my 3 year old, got a leotard for her first ballet class. She was overjoyed to see other girls in her class dressed like her and kept telling them she liked their "tards". When we explained that everyone was wearing a leotard, she got mad and told them to give her "tards" back.

Hokagexhunter · 1 points · Posted at 04:25:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Pool guest: hi how many pools do you have here? Me: we have 3. An adult pool, family pool, and kiddie pool Pool guest's 4 y/o daughter: Oooh I want to play with the kitties! Can we go to the kitty cat pool mommy?

'Twas a good laugh

Ghost_Toast · 1 points · Posted at 04:45:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mom and I were talking about a car I recently bought:

Mom: What year is it?

Me: 2011

My 6 year old nephew from the car: IT'S 2015!

[deleted] · -3 points · Posted at 19:25:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Youre probably 15, you don't have a 4 year old kid, you're sitting in your basement basking in the karma from a a story you just made up about having a kid

OSHA_certified · -21 points · Posted at 18:43:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

He probably thought you were asking if he was eight years old and didn't mean to make a joke.

Wow apparently people don't like truth.

nowordsleft · 16 points · Posted at 18:51:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You must be a detective.

Neospector · 1 points · Posted at 19:29:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, he is OSHA certified.

[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 19:16:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wow apparently people don't like truth.

I believe that you are being downvoted because this is quite obvious.

Canadian_in_Canada · 7 points · Posted at 18:50:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Of course, but that's why it's funny. ~~Kids~~ People can say funny things without meaning to.

splityoassintwo · 222 points · Posted at 23:21:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This little asian girl at my day camp was trying to explain that she couldn't go on the ice cream field trip because it made her tummy hurt. I said, "oh so you're lactose intolerant?" and she said, "no I'm chinese". Funniest thing a kid has ever said to me.

[deleted] · 16 points · Posted at 08:01:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I bet She wasn't saying that as a non sequitur. Asians can't digest dairy as well as Africans or Europeans. Technically, yes, it's due to lactose intolerance, but her parents may have told her that she can't have ice cream because she's Chinese instead of explaining lactose intolerance to her.

shoziku · 5 points · Posted at 13:36:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Excellent, my mind was slightly blown.

RagerzRangerz · 1 points · Posted at 16:23:23 on January 4, 2016 · (Permalink)

A cheeky mindjob

Wuruwuru · 3 points · Posted at 17:33:08 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Africans struggle with dairy too, I doubt it's to a lesser degree than Asians

Maiyami · 2 points · Posted at 04:11:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

amazing.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:28:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Lmaoooooo

SSeegars · 2 points · Posted at 04:38:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh this is one of those I'll have a giggle about for a bit.

Michris · 2 points · Posted at 05:01:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Same thing

grungebot5000 · 320 points · Posted at 20:38:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me, with a picture of an apatosaurus: "This dinosaur wouldn't want to eat you- see? It ate plants, like giraffes."

5-year-old sister: "Giraffes are PLANTS???"

[deleted] · 54 points · Posted at 01:58:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

almost_mad_scientist · 50 points · Posted at 02:40:38 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Stupid long horses

dude_pirate_roberts · 5 points · Posted at 03:15:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Joe: I'm going to a really big horse show this weekend.

Moe: Wow, sounds cool! How big are the horses?

wenasi · 4 points · Posted at 10:51:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

To be fair, my first thought was that as well

BlueZorua · 1 points · Posted at 08:32:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The ol' sister switcheroo.

Coxjl17 · 96 points · Posted at 19:46:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

A friend of mine had a young child who would always ask for Farmer John's cheese. It took her a while to figure out she wanted Parmesan cheese.

pfunk42529 · 2 points · Posted at 21:37:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sorry to tell you this, but she just knew this guy: http://www.farmerjohnscheese.com/

Coxjl17 · 1 points · Posted at 05:38:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

He looks like someone who her young child should know.

iamaTralfamadorian · 2 points · Posted at 01:18:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My niece used to call McDonald's "Hot Donald's". I need to remind her of that now that she's a few years older...

tehbuggg · 2 points · Posted at 15:09:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I always get extra farmer john's cheese on my pasta at all of garden

ChunkyMac · 1 points · Posted at 04:20:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My freind's younger sister always called it "Papa John" cheese.

e1v1s · 743 points · Posted at 18:15:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's like that joke from Louie:

Louie's daughter: Who told the gorilla he couldn't go to the ballet?

Louie: Who?

Louie's daughter: Just the people in charge of making that decision.

0theHumanity · 109 points · Posted at 20:37:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I like the one from gaffigans kid:

"Yeah I would like a happy meal and a Coke"

"Sir, this is a library!"

"Oh, sorry," whispers "I'd like a happy meal and a Coke"

Vandelay_Latex_Sales · 295 points · Posted at 19:11:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

or Brian Regan's kid...

"Why don't dinosaurs talk?"

"I dunno, why?"

"Because they're all dead."

[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 21:44:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Anti-jokes

the_7th_phoenix · 1 points · Posted at 02:53:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Brian Regan's kid is savage...

supe3rnova · -1 points · Posted at 22:53:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I read as why didnt dinosaurs talk and it made no sense...

[deleted] · 118 points · Posted at 19:12:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My friend's fav joke

Why was it raining in London on Tuesday?

A weather system with precipitation moved in.

dgreins15 · 41 points · Posted at 21:09:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My fav joke as a child

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

What?

I dunno, ask the person it belongs to

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 04:33:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

IHazOwies · 1 points · Posted at 07:57:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Exactly!

derekandroid · 1 points · Posted at 02:10:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why cheese?

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:24:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wenslydale?

ptera_tinsel · 24 points · Posted at 19:28:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I spent too long trying to figure out the punchline.

I am not very smart.

Twillard22 · 7 points · Posted at 20:29:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't get it...

shitty_penwork · 33 points · Posted at 20:35:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's an antijoke. You expect a joke but get a mundane answer.

llllIlllIllIlI · 7 points · Posted at 23:35:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Pfff, listen to this guy... rationally explaining jokes instead of soaping his radio.

Atomo500 · 5 points · Posted at 20:39:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't read it as a joke. Read it as a literal statement of fact. I believe these are called anti-jokes

DonaldJDarko · 2 points · Posted at 20:42:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why was it raining?

Because clouds made it rain.

Twillard22 · 6 points · Posted at 20:48:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ah, by weather system I thought it meant a thing that monitors weather....

MaxNanasy · 2 points · Posted at 21:08:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

/r/antijokes

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:04:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh !

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:57:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

A'cause it's fookin London

Suckonmyfatvagina · 28 points · Posted at 19:26:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Have you heard the joke about the broken pencil?

Nevermind... there's no point.

TMOverbeck · 20 points · Posted at 21:03:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did you hear the one about the deaf guy? Neither did he.

dangerally · 1 points · Posted at 05:16:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What?

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:25:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"I see," said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

olibiscuit · 2 points · Posted at 14:49:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Let's see here" said the blind man to the deaf man.

Johnappleseed4 · 1 points · Posted at 08:56:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Do you know what Ethiopian food tastes like? . . . . .

Neither do they.

speccy4augen · 1 points · Posted at 10:32:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Say what you want about deaf people..

Oquinne · 15 points · Posted at 19:37:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did you hear the one about the roof? it's over your head...

dc-vm · 8 points · Posted at 19:57:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hear that joke about pizza? It's too cheesy...

PabloScuba · 20 points · Posted at 20:00:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did you hear the one about my penis? Nevermind, it's too long.

TheStorMan · 30 points · Posted at 21:47:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'd tell you a joke about my pussy but you wouldn't get it.

Canadianfunbucks · 3 points · Posted at 23:26:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Im not sure anyone wants a man's pussy.

modestcows · 2 points · Posted at 05:40:49 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Username does not check out

nomorehope123 · 1 points · Posted at 23:52:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's ok, prolly to dirty for me anyways

becauzetheinternet · 1 points · Posted at 03:15:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes.

1st_lurker · 1 points · Posted at 08:04:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What about my vacume joke?

...n/m.....it sucks.

Irregulator101 · 1 points · Posted at 06:10:17 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Set an alarm for a reasonable time.

half-idiot · 1 points · Posted at 19:11:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I admire anti-jokes.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

CashewCraft · 6 points · Posted at 19:38:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How do you make a builder cry?

Kill his family.

yarissey · 3 points · Posted at 21:02:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This isn't an anti-joke it's a pun, "the other side" is both a reference to the road and the afterlife.

CoderDevo · 2 points · Posted at 00:35:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Is it? I mean, yes, I can see that it could be taken that way. If the road was especially busy, though roads adjacent to chicken coops tend to be little gravel jobs. I don't remember hearing anyone intend for it to be about death.

It's like the knock knock joke "Boo who?" isn't intended to make fun of those with untreated depression, but it could be taken poorly by someone with that condition. I'm guessing you have a dark side?

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 21:21:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Or the original:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

It was years before I figured out it was an anti-joke.

flashmedallion · 1 points · Posted at 07:07:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

'No it isn't. 'the other side' is the other side of the road and the afterlife.

DopeTrack_Pirate · 76 points · Posted at 23:36:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

In like 3rd grade we had to draw America and America's forefathers. You know like Washington, Jefferson, etc

This girl drew America... with four fathers. Just four random dads.

Teacher cracked up like an egg =]

vezance · 4 points · Posted at 03:16:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

How were you expected to draw people in 3rd grade? I could barely draw stick figures at that age.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:23:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm not from the US but I thought 3rd grade was age 8 or 9? Surely you could draw more than just stick figures and they would kind of look like the presidents?

Douglbeeh · 5 points · Posted at 12:25:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Blasphemy. I still cant.

jimskog99 · 1 points · Posted at 08:40:16 on January 11, 2016 · (Permalink)

Uhm... I can't draw anything better than stick figures, and it's been many years since 3rd grade.

nightguy13 · 5 points · Posted at 07:13:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ded. I don't know why I'm cackling at two am to this... Bahahaha. She was "foreshadowing" gay marriage in America. Hue. Hue. >.>

[deleted] · 75 points · Posted at 19:41:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Our son when aged around 3 would refer to my wife's good friend as 'your-teen' when he talked about her with his mum but then he used to call her just 'teen' to her face. My wife's friends name is Martine.

The15thPen · 9 points · Posted at 03:47:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

my mom has a friend named Peppy but when i was younger i used to think it was puppy so i used to always call her doggy

fapcitybish · 8 points · Posted at 02:33:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was having trouble figuring this out until I read mum. lol

[deleted] · 63 points · Posted at 23:15:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

To my daughter at age 4, "Do you want a tomato?" Her reply, "Just one mato." She's 26 now and it's still funny.

vezance · 5 points · Posted at 03:10:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

She's still confused at 26? Your daughter might have a problem.

arhanv · 1 points · Posted at 09:23:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I can tell you're British by the way you said tomato in my head.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 08:41:31 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

Eh, tomato tomato.

raynorthekid · 163 points · Posted at 18:02:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

when I was little (like 5 or 6) my uncle asked me to be the ring barer for his wedding. after I had the whole thing explained to young me I agreed on the one condition that I wasn't going to be the ring barer, I was instead going to be the ring dinosaur

TheStainlessSteelAlt · 109 points · Posted at 18:06:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did you say "ring bear"?

PhaZePhyR · 154 points · Posted at 19:44:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

WILL THERE OR WON'T THERE BE A BEAR AT OUR WEDDING?!

MyNameIsMasonAtwood · 3 points · Posted at 23:32:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A BEAR?!

azhthedragon · 1 points · Posted at 22:52:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Fuzzy wuzzy was a woman?

StupidPiscesGuy · 1 points · Posted at 06:40:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I assume this is a reference to something.... What is it? It sounds oddly familiar.

MerlinQ · 3 points · Posted at 06:59:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

How I Met Your Mother.

danbobsicle · 1 points · Posted at 03:32:43 on March 3, 2016 · (Permalink)

Please.

BookbumMC · 66 points · Posted at 19:47:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son was asked to be the ring bearer in a friends wedding and was really bummed when he found out he carries a pillow with a ring instead of dressing up in a bear costume. I think it would have made the wedding much more entertaining.

Storm137 · 26 points · Posted at 20:55:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think every wedding needs a bear.

ffxivthrowaway03 · 8 points · Posted at 21:20:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

In a tux.

You've got to dress appropriately for the event, after all.

Storm137 · 3 points · Posted at 23:08:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Naturally. You can't expect a bear to be bare naked.

BookbumMC · 1 points · Posted at 03:34:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

First Bridezilla...now Ring Bearer.. ROAR!!!

Storm137 · 1 points · Posted at 07:24:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

yES

Lirdon · 1 points · Posted at 06:52:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, then move to san francisco.

Storm137 · 1 points · Posted at 07:07:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

But they ruined pizza!

CPTJackieDaniels · 2 points · Posted at 00:26:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ha. My little cousin stomped down the aisle during rehearsal when he was ring barer for a wedding. It was adorable.

BookbumMC · 1 points · Posted at 03:34:26 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

HAHAHA that's awesome!

CPTJackieDaniels · 1 points · Posted at 18:19:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Even better was the bride's sister in law, who muttered something along the lines of "Ugh he's so awful and annoying. I'm never having kids." Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for people like that not having kids, but her husband is Catholic. Shit doesn't fly, you have to follow the life script at this church. And the fact that her little girl that she had shortly after the wedding is a lil bitch, makes it that much sweeter. Just as long as she's not abusing the kid, I like to hear about her punishment during family gossip sessions.

BookbumMC · 1 points · Posted at 14:23:11 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Now that's some real life karma hahaha! I also love seeing people without kids make statements like "I would never let my kid..." Fast forward a few years and those bold statements have withered away. Parenting is humbling if nothing else lol.

CPTJackieDaniels · 1 points · Posted at 17:18:38 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

Indeed... Especially the tv as a babysitter, phones and tablets, and spanking. I may not have kids of my own just yet, but I helped out with my niece and nephew over Thanksgiving. How did we keep them out of the already crowded kitchen? TV and a playroom. I didn't observe much more since we were their for such a short time, but even a week was enough to affirm that it's nice to have ideals, but it's not easy to stick to them 100% of the time.

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:26:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

At least shoulda got him those fluffy bear paws slippers.

musclepunched · 1 points · Posted at 12:13:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well thank God he didn't bare his ring

M3ggers04 · 41 points · Posted at 20:05:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My godchild said something similar. She didn't want to be a flower girl because she was a flower for her uncles wedding, so she wanted to be a butterfly for mine. Of course I said yes, and she's getting little wings to go with her dress.

Storm137 · 5 points · Posted at 20:56:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is the cutest thing I've heard.

Tek_Freek · 4 points · Posted at 04:02:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You are wonderful!!

danmickla · 2 points · Posted at 20:20:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Do you yet understand that there is no such thing as a ring barer, but that it's ring bearer?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:01:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

He's 7 now. Got them big boy pants on and everything.

Lolbertpls · 1 points · Posted at 05:33:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was around 2, I was supposed to be the ring bearer at my Aunt's wedding. I ran away crying instead.

running531 · 1 points · Posted at 11:43:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Fucking brilliant hahaha

lostausername · 57 points · Posted at 22:24:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

I was 4 years old on Santa's lap full of questions. Why do you wear gloves? Why do you wear boots? Why do you wear red? And he answered everyone. Then I asked, my mom says very seriously "Santa, do you have titties?" He didn't answer that one. To this day, and I'm 31 now, my family tells of this Christmas story. *mom said he did answer with "yes, I do"

bobenny6 · 3 points · Posted at 05:56:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is my favorite one in this thread.

prillin101 · 1 points · Posted at 15:18:08 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

did he laugh or like nervously sit there?

lostausername · 3 points · Posted at 03:23:52 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

his face got red, started laughing and said "yes, I Do" as he looked at my mom, who was a county clerk at the time, in ky. This man is still living and every time he sees me he reminds me "I still have titties."

eehaddad · 55 points · Posted at 22:02:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was attempting to tell my niece a joke...

Me: Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Niece: Because they have long nails and they'd cut themselves.

spriteburn · 1 points · Posted at 11:27:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

She's not wrong...

olibiscuit · 1 points · Posted at 14:58:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It's actually because they're dead right?

why_try_ · 50 points · Posted at 01:02:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Son: what is a bull? Me: a male cow Son: it delivers packages for the farm?

pseudonarne · 5 points · Posted at 01:03:18 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

moo chicka wow wow

BeefRapp · 42 points · Posted at 23:52:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

when my cousin was about four he used to think that the singular form of "horse" was "whore"

Wow_so_rpg · 2 points · Posted at 10:26:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm gonna be a terrible father after reading all of this

raliak · 34 points · Posted at 19:09:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son, upon seeing a large gumball machine: "Daddy, do you have any cents?" He had no idea why I, or the lady who overheard it, were laughing.

xsdasdasdsa · 4 points · Posted at 03:35:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Explanation anyone?

mintykangaroo · 3 points · Posted at 04:06:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sounds like: "Daddy, do you have any sense?"

Storm137 · 1 points · Posted at 20:58:46 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Damn I need to save that one.

lauralalorax · 1 points · Posted at 04:36:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

this doesn't make any cents to me

Miss_Masquerade86 · 473 points · Posted at 14:32:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

lol that is good, I love it. Actually made me laugh ^_^

Jmf08013 · 407 points · Posted at 17:57:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

A couple summers ago I was a camp counselor. One day one of the 4 or 5 yr old campers came in with a new plastic wrist watch that had a dinosaur on the face so I asked him about it: Hey nice watch Julian is that a Rolex? Nah man, it's a T-rex!

siyanly · 58 points · Posted at 18:11:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Lol.. This was smart!

tcpdrangon8 · 69 points · Posted at 18:19:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I doubt he knew what a Rolex is

Dlgredael · 266 points · Posted at 18:25:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Fucking idiot

Selfdefines · 29 points · Posted at 20:39:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hate that kid

kyle5471 · 20 points · Posted at 18:46:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!?

Chbsk · 2 points · Posted at 20:28:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKING RETARD?

MyLittleProggy · 4 points · Posted at 19:02:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

4 real wat kinda broke a$$ bitch don't kno wat a rolex is?

capincus · -3 points · Posted at 19:18:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Must've spent his allowance on drugs.

Controlled01 · 9 points · Posted at 19:19:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wikid smat

PsychoAgent · 11 points · Posted at 20:42:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

smaht*

Controlled01 · 1 points · Posted at 22:23:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Smaat*

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:02:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hehehehe oh Petah!!

penny_eater · 22 points · Posted at 18:34:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

4 or 5 year olds can go to camp? like by themselves? Shit how do i sign mine up?

Suckonmyfatvagina · 43 points · Posted at 19:24:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You just leave them in a forest.

If they come back to the house then they are officially scouts!

If they don't, you're going to jail

EmersonJay · 16 points · Posted at 19:36:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Is that what that Casey Anthony thing was about?

_thisisadream_ · 5 points · Posted at 20:35:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yes, but her kid returned to her trunk instead of her house

Storm137 · 1 points · Posted at 20:53:01 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Too soon.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 20:10:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Make sure the kid has the dog with her.

-Mountain-King- · 1 points · Posted at 19:22:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah, day camps during the summer, mostly.

youhavetofeedit · 1 points · Posted at 20:37:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I taught my 4 year old what a thesaurus was. Later he asked "where is the tyranasaurus?"

Achievement_Bear_Bot · 53 points · Posted at 18:57:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Miss_Masquerade86, based on your commenting history... Here's a little something for you

please-enlighten-me · 8 points · Posted at 19:24:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

WoopWoop!

[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 01:16:43 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

/u/Achievement_Bear_Bot, I got 1155 points on a comment once, may I have a certificate? I don't think anyone will ever like anything I say that much ever again

tavr · 2 points · Posted at 22:14:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think an achievement turtle would've been more appropriate in this case

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:24:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[removed]

Achievement_Bear_Bot · 2 points · Posted at 03:12:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No, sadly.

Hayes231 · 1 points · Posted at 05:26:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

are yoe even a bot? or are you... half-bot?

Hayes231 · 1 points · Posted at 05:25:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

hey man! i never got one of these!!!!

infiniZii · 18 points · Posted at 18:18:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This fits here:

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3959

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 18:37:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Here, you dropped this ^

I_Shot_Web · 3 points · Posted at 18:04:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

^_^ ftfy

XtendedImpact · 2 points · Posted at 19:11:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Although there are already people who fixed it for you: to make this face ^_^ you need to type \^_^

Miss_Masquerade86 · 1 points · Posted at 05:23:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

lol okay thank you!

elle_bee · 55 points · Posted at 00:02:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My sister and my niece were flying to Florida.

Stewardess: "Where are you going today?"

My 2-year old niece: "Mommy's Ami."

Stewardess: "Mommy's where??"

Niece: "Mommy's Ami."

Mom: "She means Miami."

Tomwaswhat · 5 points · Posted at 08:14:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Omg! I literally just posted a comment about this. I used to call Miami "your ami" when I was talking to my mom .

DubEnder · 26 points · Posted at 19:28:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This reminds me of one of my HighSchool friends. Someone was telling a story about some fight, and how the one guy had some type of weapon, yet the other guy beat him with his bare hands. Out of nowhere, this kid asks "Where did he get bear hands?" - completely serious. Ahh Trevor.

[deleted] · 25 points · Posted at 23:39:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

lesbefriendly · 1 points · Posted at 06:54:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Amateur.

He forgot the insides and outsides.

Funcuz · 115 points · Posted at 16:29:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm surprised at how long it took me to get this joke. Good grief, I was in the middle of saying that I didn't get it until I read the joke again. Forehead slapping goodness right there.

entotheenth · 34 points · Posted at 18:31:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

bare .. bear, like the animal .. got it ?

just to be sure we are all on the same page ;)

Karponn · 88 points · Posted at 18:36:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

..

Why the big paws?

AntInYourEyesJohnson · 21 points · Posted at 18:51:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

You're unbearable.

PenalRapist · 4 points · Posted at 19:06:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ursine is bad grammar; come back when you have a paws trophy.

relayrider · 1 points · Posted at 18:56:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

he was born that way

OhThrowed · 1 points · Posted at 23:41:28 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That pun was grizzly.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

no. YOU'RE unbearable

Emerno · 43 points · Posted at 19:50:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Look at me. I'm the dad now.

speedofyam · 20 points · Posted at 19:27:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me: Argh, it's not getting the IP address.

Four year old: What address is it getting?

CookiezFort · 13 points · Posted at 22:29:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

this reminded me of my brother,

according to my parents when I wasn't even born he would answer the phone at home and if someone what a PC problem and asked for my dad he would first say, before I give you name here have you tried turning it on and off again?

SirGallade · 38 points · Posted at 20:41:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mom once came back from a work event with these two stuffed cows. Probably like a foot long or so, and they had like famous artworks on them. Weirdest promotional item ever. Anyway, when I was probably 4, she brought them back because she thought I'd enjoy them. She was right. Carried those cows everywhere. One day, I was in the backseat and my dad was driving, and I was just pestering him, saying "Dad!" Over and over while he was talking to my mom. He finally gets fed up with my obnoxious yelling and turns around and says: "SirGallade! Hold your horses!" "But daddy, they're cows"

CPTJackieDaniels · 18 points · Posted at 00:32:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

A) Those cows sound cute. B) Your story is adorable. C) On a similar note... If anyone told me to hold my horses, apparently I would go to my toys and hold (at least two) toy horses while I waited.

[deleted] · 79 points · Posted at 17:54:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

when I was a kid my older brother was just learning how to read, and one day we drove by an IBM building and he says to my mother, "Look mom, I - B - M." My mother praised him up and down which I got jealous of, so I said, "but mom, I BM too."

TheLostOne3 · 33 points · Posted at 20:27:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's right, baby. You BM, too.

pfunk42529 · 1 points · Posted at 21:35:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Are you from Endicott NY?

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 21:50:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

lol no. Northern VA. Have you heard a similar story from someone you know?

pfunk42529 · 3 points · Posted at 10:47:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Many, there was a huge IBM boosting where I grew up.

[deleted] · 36 points · Posted at 19:12:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My niece hit me with this one:

Me: Good morning! How did you sleep?

Her: On my tummy...?

thereversecentaur · 12 points · Posted at 20:52:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The question mark does it for me.

IAmStarby · 5 points · Posted at 09:00:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What an interesting fetish.

thereversecentaur · 1 points · Posted at 04:53:01 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

You have no idea?

Won-LonDong · 17 points · Posted at 19:56:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Used to let my toddler niece pick from a variety of instant oatmeal packets, telling her "pick which kind you want." She eventually came looking for a "kind" when she was hungry by asking "can I have a kind?"

PeaceSigh · 52 points · Posted at 19:13:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My wife ordering for my five year old daughter and my three year old son in a restaurant: She'll have a grill cheese sandwich and chicken soup. And he'll just have a grill cheese sandwich My Son: No, I want a boy cheese sandwich.

danmickla · 79 points · Posted at 20:25:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Are you or your wife aware that the dish is called "grilled cheese sandwich"?

[deleted] · 21 points · Posted at 22:54:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

FurTrader58 · 1 points · Posted at 10:04:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't know why, but I found this hilarious.

llllIlllIllIlI · 8 points · Posted at 23:41:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It isn't a Gryllchis sandwich?? Named after Earl Gryllchis (1754-1799)?

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 02:15:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I prefer a bake cheese

leavesof-yves · 2 points · Posted at 23:28:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Probably not. My entire family calls it "grill cheese sandwich", but English is not their first language so that might have something to do with it. I still correct them every time, though.

tickleberries · -1 points · Posted at 06:54:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I call it that too.

[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 22:48:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 06:31:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Except for that whole other sound in there.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 23:24:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:31:09 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

What accent doesn't pronounce the -ed sound in past tense verbs? How do they tell past and present tense apart?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:44:02 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:23:39 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

What does that mean?

Are you saying that they pronounce the sound in some fashion or that they don't?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:33:58 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:24:29 on January 1, 2016 · (Permalink)*

I find that hard to believe

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:07:39 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 02:10:09 on January 2, 2016 · (Permalink)*

I find that hard to believe

the_supersalad · 2 points · Posted at 22:33:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When we were kids my sister and I wouldn't allow my dad to have grilled cheese sandwiches for the same reason. Those are for girls dad!

WinterCherryPie · 1 points · Posted at 02:57:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I called them girl cheese sandwiches for the longest time.

Janitor_Jones · 1 points · Posted at 07:49:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Does your son watch twitch.tv?

AfternoonPot · 43 points · Posted at 19:33:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was really little I was with my dad in some heavy surf. We got hit by a wave and when we surfaced I told him, "Daddy, that wave hurt my feelings!"

freakydeakykiki · 21 points · Posted at 22:17:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my son was still young enough that I would brush his teeth, he once said, "Be gentle or you'll hurt my gumdrops." So cute.

elohyim · 0 points · Posted at 12:04:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Barf

thereversecentaur · 1 points · Posted at 20:56:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Toot toot

GaudiumInfinitus · 14 points · Posted at 18:43:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, you're guaranteed to become a grandfather now, so congratulations.

war_king123 · 58 points · Posted at 17:54:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't get it, english is not my native language.

HelloWorldImMeg · 120 points · Posted at 18:02:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Bare hands" (meaning empty hands without weapons) The kid heard it as "bear hands" (an animal), so he reminded his dad that these are Turtles and they have turtle hands.

widermind · 49 points · Posted at 18:31:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

ohhhhhh

DuckTub · 34 points · Posted at 19:06:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

This... was actually kinda touching

edit: god a touching moment - trust redditors to take innocence away

immagiantSHARK · 44 points · Posted at 19:36:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

NO TOUCHING

dc-vm · 1 points · Posted at 20:00:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

What else are hands for?!

WonTheGame · 1 points · Posted at 21:38:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Shaking

Sinidir · 1 points · Posted at 20:46:01 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

AND NO EYE CONTACT DURING A DEVILS 3-WAY

Knight-in-Gale · 2 points · Posted at 19:54:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

.... With their turtle hands.

TheAddiction2 · 2 points · Posted at 03:21:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

https://i.imgur.com/4xgXyXD.gif

widermind · 0 points · Posted at 19:29:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

uhh...it is?

Oquinne · 1 points · Posted at 19:38:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

hands... touching...

widermind · 1 points · Posted at 19:41:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

oh right that. hehe

sigh man i feel stupid

iamrootbeer · 8 points · Posted at 21:12:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It should also be pointed out that words like "bear" and "bare" are called homophones. They sound exactly the same but are spelled differently. The only way a person could know that this question is "bare hands" and not "bear hands" is from being already familiarized with the common phrase "bare hands". This caused the child to accidentally make a very good, very British joke.

Dahvood · 2 points · Posted at 02:55:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Strangely enough, they aren't homophones for me. Australian/New Zealand English.

bare = beeh

bear = be-ah

iamrootbeer · 1 points · Posted at 03:31:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

aah I see

fuckyoubaldman · 2 points · Posted at 05:06:13 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

you can't see anything. you are short and can't see over the steering wheel.

arcticfunky · 1 points · Posted at 02:26:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Is that a British thing?

iamrootbeer · 2 points · Posted at 02:30:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

dry humor with puns and plays on words? yes. I'm not British but I don't think they'd disagree.

arcticfunky · 1 points · Posted at 02:44:25 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hmm that's like the main way I know how to joke around, maybe i should there there

fuckyoubaldman · 1 points · Posted at 05:07:20 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

yeah, your fatass is from wisconsin or some shit

fuckyoubaldman · 1 points · Posted at 05:08:07 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

takes a homo to know a homo

purutiger · 1 points · Posted at 02:37:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ohhhhhhhhh! Now I got it... Thanks

adamdavenport · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Don't feel bad. I ONLY speak english and I didn't get it either.

[deleted] · 25 points · Posted at 19:07:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

A few years back I was watching my friend's six year old while he was at work. We put on a movie, opening credits rolling with TriStar's Pegasus. Kid looks over at me, "Do you know what that's called? A horse fly."

MattGarrard · 4 points · Posted at 02:38:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

What was the kid's job?

Moeith · 12 points · Posted at 22:28:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My two year old daughter is a little bossy and when I tell her not to tell me what to do she always says "what to do" we made the mistake of laughing the first time.

[deleted] · 46 points · Posted at 18:36:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[deleted]

ptera_tinsel · 17 points · Posted at 19:38:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

shh bby is ok

TheStorMan · 4 points · Posted at 21:49:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Welcome to reddit, I hope you have a nice time here it's pretty cool.

ValkyrieWoman · 3 points · Posted at 22:44:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You're doing great :)

kg146a · 35 points · Posted at 17:09:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[serious] At what age will my son start doing awesome things? He is 4 months and just chills man.

joneslife4 · 21 points · Posted at 17:54:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

By 11 months my daughter was running around the house trying to give her dolls baths in the toilet. Enjoy the chill phase...he will be keeping you busy soon enough.

alice-in-canada-land · 7 points · Posted at 17:16:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Enjoy that phase while it lasts. Four year olds can be hilarious, but you've got to get there through the toddler stage. Rest up now. ;)

[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 18:10:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

ptera_tinsel · 6 points · Posted at 19:35:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My little sister started climbing our hallway, bookshelf, decorative mantels, and house itself around that age.

I remember the first time I saw her tiny body scuttering up our cabinets I thought "Wow, people really are mammals."

matts2 · 4 points · Posted at 03:21:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

He has a 4 month old, his resting days are already behind him.

mrichard629 · 6 points · Posted at 17:48:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mine is 1 and just started walking/running everywhere. "I can't wait till he starts walking" pfff I miss his immobile days where I could put him on a baby gym mat and he would be content. Now it's don't go over, there stay with daddy, Stop playing with the blinds , Don't turn daddy's Xbox o....ff

thesurlyengineer · 3 points · Posted at 18:02:40 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When he was around 3 or 4 my nephew once punted my xbox while I was in the middle of a game. ruined the disk and the HDMI cable.

Danze1984 · 18 points · Posted at 19:55:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

At least you saved money buying a smaller coffin.

Sinidir · 3 points · Posted at 20:49:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well that got dark really quick.

GoonCommaThe · 3 points · Posted at 19:45:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The horrible thing about the Xbox One is how easy it is for cats to turn it off.

ffxivthrowaway03 · 2 points · Posted at 21:23:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The PS4 isn't much better. Whoever thought capacitive touch power buttons was a smart thing on a console needs to be shot.

nuzzle nuzzle fuckin' A...

mrichard629 · 0 points · Posted at 19:57:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mine is a child, not a cat...not the same thing

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:37:43 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah. Child does it on purpose, because (a) they saw you do it two weeks ago and (b) because you get all loud and dance around when they do it... ha ha.

Cat just turns it off with Brownian motion.

matts2 · 2 points · Posted at 03:21:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When they can sit up but not crawl, so they stay where you put them. That phase is the best day of childhood.

hipster3000 · 6 points · Posted at 17:51:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

If he hasn't started making these kinds of jokes yet he's probably defective. I would just throw him away and try to get another one with a better sense of humor.

Strings_to_be_pulled · 2 points · Posted at 23:18:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well, define awesome? But the answer is 4.

[deleted] · 10 points · Posted at 21:03:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My little cousing upon hearing a Mexican with a thick accent asked "Is he speaking in cursive?"

fml99 · 20 points · Posted at 19:30:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is so cute! I remember when my daughter was 7-8 years old, she was tuning in on a conversation with my boyfriend and his friend on my boyfriend's car, which was an Accord at the time:

Boyfriend's friend: "So what are you driving now?"

Boyfriend: "Oh, I have a Honda."

Daughter: "It's not a Honda, it's a COGGIN!!"

Boyfriend and friend proceed to stare at each other for a moment, then bust out laughing. She thought the dealership sticker was the car brand, and was quick to correct the conversation. Such attention to detail she had! :)

MyLastSigh · 19 points · Posted at 19:31:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My five old boy " hey can you jump over that? " " dad, don't you remember gravity?"

xavierkiath · 9 points · Posted at 18:41:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

I had an instructor in Nuke school who would help us remember that "bare" was a point value part of dose names by making bear claw hands and snarling whenever he said "bare skin." It lead to people learning to operate nuclear reactors turning in tests that mentioned "Bear Skin."

Edit: grammar

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:47:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think I understood all the words, just not in the order you wrote them.

xavierkiath · 1 points · Posted at 05:45:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Blah blah skin blah"= 7/10 points

"Blah blah bare skin blah"= 10/10

Big linebacker-lookin' Master Chief makes funny bear faces so we remember the extra word.

"Blah blah bear skin blah" shows up on tests (still 10/10 because we weren't scored on spelling, just getting the right idea down)

[deleted] · -4 points · Posted at 19:02:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

Melenna · 3 points · Posted at 19:15:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is really unnecessary.

elemeffiness · 9 points · Posted at 05:28:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My 5-year-old was struggling to put on her pants and was very frustrated. My husband asked her, "Hey, could you use a hand?" She looked at him with cold fury in her eyes and said, "I am using my hand, DAD."

BrandanosaurusRex · 16 points · Posted at 19:11:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

My little brother at taco bell

Brother: " mom, what are these?" points to diced tomatoes

Mom: "tomatoes"

Brother: "mom, I do not want 'matoes. I do not want one 'mato I do not want two 'matos."

[deleted] · 3 points · Posted at 22:55:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sounds like the next Dr Seuss

Storm137 · 1 points · Posted at 20:59:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is adorable.

[deleted] · -7 points · Posted at 19:12:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[deleted]

Azozel · 8 points · Posted at 22:23:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'll kill you with my Bear hands!

Birdinanest · 7 points · Posted at 22:46:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

4 year old: what do you drink on Halloween? me: I don't know 4 year old: apple spider!

florida_woman · 8 points · Posted at 02:46:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

We were eating at KFC a few years ago. My daughter broke one of the tunes off of her fork and said "Look! A threek!" We died laughing!

cn2092 · 130 points · Posted at 15:31:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh, shell. Have an upvote.

stdiodoth · 67 points · Posted at 16:28:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That pun was turtley unexpected.

[deleted] · 45 points · Posted at 16:30:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I dont get it. Guess I'm a little slow.

gcl3456 · 30 points · Posted at 16:52:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oh hare we go again

Minispud · 6 points · Posted at 17:50:41 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I hate that airport.

Ibangedgwenstefani · 9 points · Posted at 17:55:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I got a splinter at that airport.

PKRaptor19 · 4 points · Posted at 18:09:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sewer we just gonna let these jokes fly?

Just__A__Gentleman · 1 points · Posted at 18:08:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My flight got canceled at that airport.

gcl3456 · 1 points · Posted at 21:49:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That airport is so slow, we should change its name to O'tortoise

TrueDragon1 · 45 points · Posted at 17:19:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Have these puns tortoise anything?

Coocamonga · 20 points · Posted at 17:28:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ninja, please. This is reddit. We never learn

nightwing2000 · 1 points · Posted at 05:34:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Shell learn eventually.

verdim15 · -9 points · Posted at 17:56:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

We should all just mutant shut up

yonderposerbreaks · 2 points · Posted at 19:49:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I gotta have a pizza these jokes.

[deleted] · 9 points · Posted at 17:24:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Never bet against a Si-shell-ian when death is on the line.

balloonsandbuffoons · 1 points · Posted at 21:00:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Am I not turtley enough for the tuuuurtle club?

ShinyChespin · 6 points · Posted at 17:17:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You don't have to just shell upvotes out like that..

riaaa_98 · 18 points · Posted at 15:32:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I still think they fight with delicious looking pizza.

http://media2.giphy.com/media/E925PHfSIiUXC/200w.gif

[deleted] · -8 points · Posted at 18:22:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

They decided to do the best thing to the pizza

I'm sorry everyone, I was just trying to spread the cheer.

Reddit-TheBoredGame · 8 points · Posted at 18:38:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's enough reddit for one day.

packs up metaphorical briefcase

KyfeHeartsword · 3 points · Posted at 18:43:51 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wat.

guss1 · 1 points · Posted at 19:08:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wad

PWNGEoftheGODS · 3 points · Posted at 18:54:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The long lost episode!!!!

hyrulerebel · 4 points · Posted at 18:53:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

.....Well I'm scarred. Thanks for doing that to my childhood. I'll be back later. I need to wash my eyes.

UlfarrOT · 1 points · Posted at 18:54:36 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why would you do this, you horrible person?

[deleted] · 7 points · Posted at 18:13:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

What a well raised kid

Trust_Me_Im_Right · 5 points · Posted at 19:17:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

*teenage mutant ninja turtles. It's very important that you let people know they're mutated

rigel2112 · 12 points · Posted at 19:10:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Next tell him about the 2nd amendment http://i.imgur.com/RErXOQk.png

WayneIndustries · 5 points · Posted at 20:08:34 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Wife to son: what part of the word No don't you understand? Son: The O

bobbaganush · 6 points · Posted at 20:21:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was but a wee lad:

Aunt: I'm going to Miami. I won't be able to play with you next week.

Me: (pouting) It's not YOUR ami! It's MY ami! hmph...*crosses arms and pokes lip out

JDalwai · 6 points · Posted at 20:40:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I asked my then 8-year old nephew "Where do you see yourself in 10 years"... "In the mirror"

theAmazingShitlord · 4 points · Posted at 18:52:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You know, this reminds me of a joke from The Angry Beavers that, being translated to spanish, lost all the meaning when I was a kid.

The joke involved walking in "bare feet" vs "bear feet (sleepers)".

britzka · 3 points · Posted at 02:37:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My daughter was trying to get me to sympathize with her and says "Mom, please wear my shoes."

Took me a minute to realize she was trying to say, "Put yourself in my shoes"

Brain_Droppings · 5 points · Posted at 02:41:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I know I'm late for this one but I would still like to join in on this one. When my son was three and we were driving home, he asked me where we were going. I answered "to the moon" He responded "you can't drive to the moon silly, you need a ladder" Not so much a dad (or mom) joke but still thought it was really cute that he actually had some idea as to how he would reach the moon, you know, if he needed to someday.

sacredscholar · 11 points · Posted at 18:46:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

MUTANT you forgot mutant

karnyboy · 11 points · Posted at 00:30:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Actually the people who are saying your son doesn't understand the English language are retarded.

I think your son is more clever than they are, he has a grasp on homonyms, and as a result I have a feeling that the haters can't even spell loose and lose or their and they're correctly without knowing there's a huge difference.

He's a witty lad.

Flame me all you want or downvote me you pathetic motherfuckers.

jaymar888 · 5 points · Posted at 01:42:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Well that escalated quickly

Felixlives · 7 points · Posted at 18:03:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Teenage "mutant" ninja turtles

ll-FooFighter-ll · 1 points · Posted at 19:57:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son calls them "Tee nuchunt ninjr turdles". I love it.

Felixlives · 3 points · Posted at 20:35:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I stopped letting my son watch the show till he could say it right. He would say teen na injaturls

manofconant · 3 points · Posted at 20:17:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha as a father of a 3 year old I appreciate how witty our young ones can be... Mine cracks me up, got him a new Thomas train that catches a treasure chest... He tells me "the train farted out treasure!"

Swanksterino · 2 points · Posted at 21:28:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That is a rapier wit there, to be sure sir!

Hippydippy420 · 3 points · Posted at 21:59:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My ex husbands name is Tim, my son asks me one day, "Mom, is Dad's middle name Othy?". Timothy is his full name.

icecreek35 · 3 points · Posted at 23:34:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My aunt told my three year old cousin to stop talking back and he looked at her, confused, and replied, "I'm not talking backwards... I'm talking forwards"

KBom21 · 3 points · Posted at 03:43:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My boyfriends nephew, his mom said "Look at your face, there's chocolate all over it!" And he said "I can't see my face, mom." He's three.

BrazenFoolSD · 3 points · Posted at 04:25:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Edit 2: to those who are telling me it's not a joke, because my son doesn't understand the English language. WOW, you're right! I hadn't thought of that. I really thought he got me, but you have changed everything! My 4 year old son doesn't know the word "bare", or sarcasm yet. Please stop PMing me that now. Thank you.

God redditors can be really fucking lame

AKdurham · 3 points · Posted at 04:57:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

baabaaredsheep · 3 points · Posted at 06:05:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my daughter was little and I'd tuck her in at night, I would close her bedroom door a bit as I left. She always wanted it open a bit, so I would say, "ok, I'll leave it ajar."

And she would then say, "No, mom; two jars!"

Noragrey · 3 points · Posted at 11:48:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was five, my grandfather passed away. At his funeral, I started giggling because I didn't understand why he was 'sleeping' in a 'rectangular-box' or why my relatives who were standing around him were crying. I asked my dad what was going on and he said, "Your grandpa is dead." I honestly didn't know what 'dead' meant and was laughing pretty hard the entire time. Parents finally found out and explained to me back at home. I couldn't stop crying then.

Pechkin99 · 6 points · Posted at 16:28:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

/r/dadjokes

yes_its_him · 9 points · Posted at 15:36:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

And the kid doesn't even know it was a joke. Classic.

Of course, a lot of dad jokes are kind of marginal jokes, but still...

raxcitybitch · 0 points · Posted at 22:40:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Was at the shops awhile ago looking at shoes, someone came up to me and asked if I needed a hand. Instinctly I said "No thanks, I already have two". Didn't realise what I said until after she ran off crying :(

MrGMinor · 1 points · Posted at 08:31:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That happened.

raxcitybitch · 1 points · Posted at 08:41:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Of coarse, why would I lie on the Internet?

toronto_programmer · 4 points · Posted at 18:08:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Plot twist: OP's 4 year old son already has a kid somewhere that he doesn't know about...

please-enlighten-me · 3 points · Posted at 19:37:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

that plot twist is unbelievable... let me show you how it's done: Plot twist: 4-year old son has slowly been building up a repertoire of OP's jokes, secretly analysing everything they say and thought to lay a test-joke on OP this day - the 'not getting it' was actually to keep the test fair.

[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 00:04:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of when I was playing castle with my 2 year old cousin. She said, "I'll be queen, and you'll be the prince". Being the smartass 17 year old I was, I said, "what if I use the army in my duchy to overthrow your monarchy and establish a military dictatorship where I'm in charge". She said without any hesitation, " you can't, because I'm queen".

Troy64 · 4 points · Posted at 00:28:32 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oddly enough, your 2 year old cousin gave the same answer most royal families did when faced with a possible coup.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:33:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I know, and she said it in the most "let them eat cake" sort of tone too, but nevertheless, very smart answer for a 2 year old.

swimdude2113 · 2 points · Posted at 18:27:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He's ready

theSanguinePenguin · 2 points · Posted at 18:35:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I don't think it qualifies as a dad joke if you haven't heard it before.

Goldbastard · 2 points · Posted at 18:53:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Checks out... he's a dad. Congrats on being a grandpa!

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:12:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

my three year old simply observing life and commenting on it is where I get all my dad jokes

Chloroformcasanova · 2 points · Posted at 19:12:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hate to be that guy but it's teenage "mutant" ninja turtles. Great story though.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:18 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Future dad right there.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:13:57 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Omg perfection.

Pipezilla · 2 points · Posted at 19:16:01 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

pacifister · 2 points · Posted at 19:19:54 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Own a pair of these and have bought many for friends and family.

http://www.amazon.com/Fred-Friends-BEAR-HANDS-Mitts/dp/B00I0VULXC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451416749&sr=8-1&keywords=bear+hands

"I take stuff out of the oven with my Bear Hands."

NailedOn · 2 points · Posted at 19:33:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bears don't have hands, silly!

november84 · 2 points · Posted at 20:05:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

teenage ninja turtle action figures

parent confirmed

uncletugboat · 2 points · Posted at 20:52:02 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I had to read it twice before I realized Turtle Hand wasn't supposed to be a penis reference.

joesatmoes · 2 points · Posted at 21:48:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Dad: "You'd make for a great dad some day"

Son: "But I don't wanna have any kids"

Dad:"...EVEN BETTER"

whygohomie · 2 points · Posted at 22:42:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm pretty sure that you heard it exactly at the right time since he be four.

WuMyster · 2 points · Posted at 22:46:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This probably took me too long to work out

The_M4G · 2 points · Posted at 23:05:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Literally a baby daddy

Tehmaxx · 2 points · Posted at 23:42:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Edit 2: to those who are telling me it's not a joke, because my son doesn't understand the English language. WOW, you're right! I hadn't thought of that. I really thought he got me, but you have changed everything! My 4 year old son doesn't know the word "bare", or sarcasm yet. Please stop PMing me that now. Thank you.

The fact that people are actively PMing you trying to explain this is why I pray a plague rips through 50% of the population.

Tepym · 2 points · Posted at 00:35:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Had fun with my friends daughter for a bit after she turned two. When asked how old she was, her reply:

"I'm two old!"

FlugonNine · 1 points · Posted at 01:28:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This sounds very wrong, just saying

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 00:49:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The people who are giving you sh*t about this don't have dads

Dudleydacat · 2 points · Posted at 01:04:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my daughter was about 3 or 4 I took her out shopping. Half way through the shopping trip I needed to use the toilet. As she was so young I had to take her into the gents with me. There was only me and her in there and she pointed at an unoccupied urinal,"What's that Daddy?" She asked. "That's a urinal" I replied. "Oh! Is it my rinal?" I will probably tell this tale at her wedding.

xerenemoss · 2 points · Posted at 01:06:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son and I were putting together a set of enchanted forest figurines, and we got to the unicorn. The unicorn's horn had to be placed in a hole in its head. I asked my son, "Do you want to put the unicorn's horn on yourself?" He responded immediately, "No! I want to put it on the unicorn!" :D

codedigger · 2 points · Posted at 01:13:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

http://orig05.deviantart.net/1d1c/f/2014/057/5/a/bear_hands_by_tashawinnie-d786428.jpg

TeamRocketBadger · 2 points · Posted at 01:15:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Edit 2: Would you say that you are upset? Because you sound upset.

AhhBisto · 2 points · Posted at 01:40:51 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My 3 year old niece got me the other day. Family has been here for the holidays so i've had plenty of golden comments from her, this is the best though.

Was talking to my mother about a small crack in my window frame in my bedroom, "i think the sealant has broken, there's an awful draft in there now".

My niece pipes up "how big is it?"

"Umm....how big is what?"

"The giraffe"

derpslayer27 · 2 points · Posted at 02:24:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Look at me, LOOK AT ME. I'm the dad now.

CaptnandMaryann · 2 points · Posted at 03:08:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The one that confused me was during gym class in our middle school. The gym teacher would shout at us " You guys will keep doing this until we get it down pat". There was no Pat in our class and I couldn't get who he was talking about. It was finally explained to me in College when I had enough nerve to ask.

Noibanb · 2 points · Posted at 03:21:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son was about 4 when he said he wanted to go deering sometime. I had no idea what he was talking about. He said it was like fishing but with a gun. I laughed for about 20 minutes. I was also proud because it was quite logical.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 04:30:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:29:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's the joke...

VelveteenPeach · 2 points · Posted at 05:07:54 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My brother used to think "Ben Have" was a small man you kept in your pocket so you wouldn't "mis-ben-have". If we were leaving the house he would shout "Okay, I got Ben Have in my pocket, let's go!"

AKdurham · 2 points · Posted at 05:17:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Later that week, we are at Walmart and I am in the basket in a very crowded aisle due to it being Valentines Day. Thought it was a good time to blurt, "Hey mom, what's that funny secret about Uranus?!"

aiydee · 2 points · Posted at 05:22:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Once was strapping my son into his car seat. He point at the doorframe of the car and said "Daddy. Is that a walrus?" I replied with "No. It's a seal". Enormous S#$t eating grin on his face. He would have been 4 or 5.

inexplorata · 2 points · Posted at 05:59:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My daughter at 3 (4?) was trying to explain to me how she wanted to go to the indoor play joint and ride the popsicle horse. I looked around for this horse. She meant the obstacle course.

Tomwaswhat · 2 points · Posted at 07:55:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mom and I had this conversation once when I was 4 years old Mom: we're going to Miami to visit family. Hours later in the car driving Me: are we in your ami yet?

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 09:29:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

he probably thought BEAR hands

MrBayless · 2 points · Posted at 13:34:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

great joke but, your upvote for "Edit 2"

Kenblu24 · 2 points · Posted at 18:55:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The jig is up, your son is the dad now. Hand over the mustache.

weekday-warrior · 2 points · Posted at 00:39:49 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

+1 for edit2

18rent · 3 points · Posted at 17:46:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm sorry but could someone explain it to me.

Hogwarts_Headmaster · 4 points · Posted at 17:50:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bare = bear hands

sterphles · 2 points · Posted at 17:50:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"bear" hands...

Suckonmyfatvagina · 3 points · Posted at 19:27:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Haha I get it, like a giraffe!

mrpopenfresh · 2 points · Posted at 18:09:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You son did a dad joke? I think it's time for him to have "the talk".

Croyd_ · 4 points · Posted at 21:27:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How is this front page? Its not even funny.

eloy0612 · 2 points · Posted at 18:00:25 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

...............

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 18:18:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

oh bear hands realized that then I laughed

Viking042900 · 2 points · Posted at 19:12:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

One time my four year old son was acting up in the bathtub and I said "Stop that or I will spank your bare bottom." He laughed and replied "But daddy, I'm not a bear". I couldn't be angry with him after that.

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 19:38:12 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I dont get the joke, can someone explain

WorkInProgressStill · 1 points · Posted at 19:42:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I guess you are not a dad. Bare hands = bear hands. The son was saying no, they are not fighting with bear hands, because they have turtle hands. Classic dad switch ups.

dmt2004 · 2 points · Posted at 23:52:08 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How is that a "dad joke"?

AshbySea · 2 points · Posted at 03:25:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Where we come to have nice moments and get shat on by trolls. Welcome home.

TheRealKillYourself · 0 points · Posted at 04:45:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Go away.

AshbySea · 3 points · Posted at 04:55:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Home sweet home

Blood_And_Fire · 2 points · Posted at 04:20:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I only have daughters, but that was great. I would have laughed out loud as well. F anybody that is trying to point out that YOU"RE 4 YEAR OLD doesn't have a firm grasp on the English language yet.

CaptOfTheFridge · 0 points · Posted at 04:22:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Says the guy who wrote you're instead of your.

photokid19 · 1 points · Posted at 18:25:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The grow up so fast

BoxingAnt · 1 points · Posted at 18:53:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

lol hahahahah I wish I'll have a kid like that one day

You're not alone I laughed at it too lol

grinch_nipples · 1 points · Posted at 18:55:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

your son is gonna be a great dad one day

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 18:59:22 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You hadn't heard it before because it's incredibly context-specific.

ayjayred · 1 points · Posted at 19:41:23 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

probably thought "bear hands"

DibIy · 1 points · Posted at 19:53:38 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Have a well earned upvote bruh

TntRevan · 1 points · Posted at 19:56:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

stares at joke for a few minutes...HAH, I get it. 8⁾

wuahn · 1 points · Posted at 20:03:45 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was driving with my young nephew in the car. He asked me to do an urt. What's an urt? Apparently, it's the sound your tires make when you pop the clutch. URT!

RYouNotEntertained · 1 points · Posted at 20:04:00 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Would you rather kill a man with your bare hands, or kill a bear with your man hands?

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:06:07 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

Swanksterino · 1 points · Posted at 21:29:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Did you inform them that 1938 was the year Time magazine made Adolf Hitler the Man of the Year?

TheTechGuy22 · 1 points · Posted at 20:18:50 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of an old joke.... Wait... Naaah... That's just the comments' echo!

cerdaco · 1 points · Posted at 20:19:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Baby Udyr.

NinjaTurtlesRule · 1 points · Posted at 20:29:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

-_-

Vadersballhair · 1 points · Posted at 20:40:32 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

He's ready to be a father

Selfdefines · 1 points · Posted at 20:44:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my cousin was little she cried in the car because her mom was drinking and driving. Drinking a Pepsi. She thought they were going to get in trouble, lol.

iamkuato · 1 points · Posted at 20:48:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why on earth would turtles have bear hands?

Blinknone · 1 points · Posted at 21:01:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Exactly!

xxprettyinblkxx · 1 points · Posted at 21:10:56 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I feel like that's more of a smartass response than a dad joke. Either way, it was pretty good.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:29:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

donnie1581 · 1 points · Posted at 21:16:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Lol my daughter once told me she could only find her flip and couldn't find her flop. Lol we still call each individual as flip and flop.

mostegregious · 1 points · Posted at 21:20:47 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Asked my daughter's college friend what year she was in. 2015 was her answer. Well played, college sophomore, well played.

wide-eyed · 1 points · Posted at 21:32:26 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

One of those repeated childhood stories I hear from my parents at least twice a year:

Mom & Dad take me to Disneyland.. Dad: Did we have to pay for Dany to get in? Mom: No, she was free. Me: Nu uh I'm four!

rokudaimehokage · 1 points · Posted at 21:34:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Alternatively he could have said "No dad I'm playing TMNT 2" ya know cuz they..... Ya.....

beheldcrawdad · 1 points · Posted at 21:39:11 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

my nextdoor neighbor retells this story whenever he gets hammered. happened when i was four. i am helping him clean his truck and complain that the smudge isnt coming off. "you're not using enough elbow grease" next thing he knows my elbow is smearing grease all over his mostly polished wheel. every single neighborhood party i relive that story

ZERO0OO · 1 points · Posted at 21:44:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Thanks for clarifying which teenage ninja turtles you were referring to

Unreal_Banana · 1 points · Posted at 22:00:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

hahahahha the internet accepts him.

heineken117 · 1 points · Posted at 22:05:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I once asked my son what kinda tricks he had up his sleeves and his response was "he had no sleeves" as he was wearing a t-shirt.

Kurcheva · 1 points · Posted at 22:07:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mother and me were getting ready to go to the cemetery to visit my grandfather´s grave and my 5 year old niece asked us where were we going, when my mom answered that we were going to bring some flowers to grandpa, she hesitated for a while and then asked Are you going to heaven? .. kids are amazing!

jpulley03 · 1 points · Posted at 22:08:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My wife told our 3 year old daughter "thats why your tablet is always dead you leave it running" our 3 year old said "no tablets have legs!"

stomponfloor · 1 points · Posted at 22:09:16 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My friend's little brother :

How much juice do you want Sam?

"Umm, 4 amounts please."

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 22:29:49 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

better than every shitty pun joke on here

SmokeBlounts · 1 points · Posted at 22:48:03 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The joke that made me unsubscribe

Dabeerwhisperer · 1 points · Posted at 22:54:19 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my son was about eight, sitting in the backseat all quit minding his business all of a sudden asked if doctors do adams apple transplants. Where do they come up with this stuff??

whitechristianjesus · 1 points · Posted at 23:30:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Who is your daddy now, dad?"

Greenomb · 1 points · Posted at 23:32:48 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I used to think for a long time, I beg your pardon was a piggy pardon.

bobo311 · 1 points · Posted at 23:35:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm not a dad. But this is going to be my go-to joke for all things hand related

tired63 · 1 points · Posted at 23:44:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My mom and 5 year old me: Mom - Are you cold? Me - Yes, I'm frozen SALAD!

yearomare · 1 points · Posted at 23:44:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was driving home with my 4 year old son, he wanted to take the "long cut", not the short cut.

JimShortsSportsShirt · 1 points · Posted at 23:50:09 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your son's going places. Those haters don't get it. My nephew had a line of jokes that all had the punchline " because they wanted to"

TRWars · 1 points · Posted at 23:51:05 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

This is the beginning of a whole new subreddit.

RasseTheBoy · 1 points · Posted at 00:16:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was under the age of 3, I pooped on my and my brother's car matt.

Dam, what did my mom and dad think about it?

BrittainTheCommie · 1 points · Posted at 00:20:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me: My nose is running.

Step-mom: Do your feet smell?

groan

katherineboo525 · 1 points · Posted at 00:21:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

i like it

ttboie · 1 points · Posted at 00:43:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son called the remnants in the bowl after flushing a loose stool, crumbs. "Dad, there's crumbs in the toilet."

JK_noImnot · 1 points · Posted at 00:44:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Somebody needs to make a subreddit for toddlerdadjokes.

TheTurok · 1 points · Posted at 00:55:39 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was wondering why the joke didn't relate to a dad for a while.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:04:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This one gets mentioned every so often in my family.

As a kid my dad and I used to go to this one diner every weekend, and I'd always get the Belgian waffles. One time we went after having missed a week. My dad said, "You must be having waffle withdrawal". I said, "No thank you, I'll have my waffles with syrup".

Daddyjmw2112 · 1 points · Posted at 01:29:27 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my ex wife was pregnant with our second child, I told my then 4 year old to be careful jumping on her lap "because there's a baby in mummy's belly". He looked at her in all seriousness & said "Open your mouth & let me see". I died. Kids are hilarious dude b

ssgoku129 · 1 points · Posted at 01:34:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

ah.. bear, took me 3 readovers

majleonj · 1 points · Posted at 01:35:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my daughter was around one yr old, she kept getting our attention then breathing in through her mouth. We couldn't figure out what she wanted and felt so sorry for her, until one day she did it when my wife was making soup. I'm still not sure if she was trying to say "soup" or mimicking slurping soup from a spoon.

mah_leg · 1 points · Posted at 01:36:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why don't you turn on the Dawnser?

Cool points to anyone here who know where this dad/kid joke is from.

fatt_guy · 1 points · Posted at 01:56:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I can't remember the name of this book! I keep thinking Amelia Bedelia, but that can't be right. All I know is that it gives off a "lee light".

NotAnNal69 · 1 points · Posted at 01:42:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I just want to tell you fuck the people you revered to in your second eddit

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 01:48:22 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I like the second edit. Good to know that's where some people draw the line on r/jokes.

KurajberForLife · 1 points · Posted at 01:49:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I laghed. I liked it and i would laugh too

nonyface · 1 points · Posted at 01:53:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can confirm, little kids dont know what "bare" means. My two year old was trying to climb a tree and I told her it might be easier in her bare feet. She jumped out of the tree, ran into the house and came back out carrying some bear oven mitts from her dress up trunk. She then proceeded to take her shoes off and put the bear oven mitts on her feet before climbing back into the tree.

4_string_troubador · 1 points · Posted at 01:58:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me: ( picks up five year old and turns him upside down) "you're upside down" Him: "Daddy, can I be upside up please?

BookofTrek · 1 points · Posted at 02:08:04 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

He got you with a dad joke. By natural law, he is now the father, and you are his son.

moldedinclay · 1 points · Posted at 02:12:42 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was about 6 my whole family went out to lunch at a diner. I was asked by the waitress if I wanted soup or salad, I thought she said "super salad" so I just shouted yes! Everyone was making fun of me after that.

graceqk · 1 points · Posted at 02:17:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Last year, I student-taught in a 3rd grade class. The kids had been getting in fights with each other, so my mentor teacher was talking to them about being "demeaning" toward others. This 9 year old boy turns to another boy and says, "I don't know da-meaning of that word." I still smile every time I think about this and I'm a little jealous that a 3rd grader was more punny than I'll ever be.

savageserdar · 1 points · Posted at 02:21:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can you add edit 2 as another comment so I can up vote again?

Time93 · 1 points · Posted at 02:24:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Several years ago we were driving somewhere and my then four-year-old nephew wanted to draw something to keep himself occupied.

Nephew: "Can I have a pen?"

Me: "How does a pen sound?"

Nephew: "It sounds quiet"

justin251 · 1 points · Posted at 02:28:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Why us there always a mud puddle to fall into?

syspimp · 1 points · Posted at 02:28:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

One time, during reading out loud in about 4th grade, the word vegetables was hyphenated like so: vege-tables, because it was at the end of a row of a paragrah.

I've heard my mom say eat your veg-e-tables before, so I pronounced it like that. The whole class laughed at me, and the teacher corrected me. I'll never forget that. I knew the word! It wasn't that big of a deal.

WookieeWarriorz · 1 points · Posted at 02:40:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I was watching the old Iron man cartoon and had never really seen it before and I was confused by capital i's looking like lower case L' s.

My sisters came in I was about 7 and she was 18 or 19.

Her: "what are you watching"

Me, looks at TV "Lorn man"...

I never understand why she looked at me with a puzzled expression and walked away until years later

Leonk2 · 1 points · Posted at 02:41:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sup grandpa

ms-anthrope · 1 points · Posted at 03:17:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's so cute!

jilltheshill · 1 points · Posted at 03:46:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My dad and I were talking about my job at a camp and I was complaining about one of my coworkers who was mildly annoying. He also happens to be a "little person."

Me: He just gets on my nerves because he can't take a joke.

Dad: You know why that is?

Me: No, why?

Dad: They all go over his head.

emalalay · 1 points · Posted at 03:47:16 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Once I was babysitting for three girls, and I asked the six year old to do something for me and she responded "nah bruh" with so much sass I said okay and made her sister do it.

Judgethunder · 1 points · Posted at 03:54:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I used to think that the "No driving on shoulder" sign meant you shouldn't drive with your shoulder.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:56:01 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Maybe he thought you said Bear arms?

TheRealKillYourself · 1 points · Posted at 04:45:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Oooo.. constitutional jab.

will_art_4_food · 1 points · Posted at 04:17:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My sister for the longest time would put the "bah" sound in front of random words. Like instead of "tortilla" she'd say "bahtilla" or "bahmote" instead of "remote" or "bahputer" instead of "computer" or "bahcan" instead of "pecan". She's 17 now and I still sometimes hear her say one of these!

malpheres · 1 points · Posted at 04:19:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Hahaha that took me a second but I got it. Excellent. Your child is the next Mitch Hedberg.

YourEatingThatWrong · 1 points · Posted at 04:27:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This went way over my head until I got to the edit part...

Rahikeru · 1 points · Posted at 04:31:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Friend of mine used to think that revolving doors were controlled by people hidden away from sight and not by motion control or whatever. He used to thank the doors as he entered buildings, not sure when he grew out of it and realised the truth though.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 04:34:43 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Good parenting. Funny joke.

Behole · 1 points · Posted at 04:35:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

They say the darnedest things.

Too soon?

Kowzorz · 1 points · Posted at 04:41:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

No one is PMing you. You just have inbox replies enabled.

wPoLrAdY · 1 points · Posted at 05:13:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

http://gfycat.com/QuerulousFrigidKarakul

DeGumbia · 1 points · Posted at 05:16:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Homophones are a type of homonym that sound alike and have different meanings, and also have different spellings. They are quite common type of humor in joke telling.

Hybrid888 · 1 points · Posted at 07:45:55 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Congratulations on knowing the meaning of words!

DeGumbia · 2 points · Posted at 00:34:39 on January 4, 2016 · (Permalink)

if not for words there would be no reason to allow comments, they would look something like... kalafs dasigan figarsm jeo dorga

chris_is_23 · 1 points · Posted at 05:17:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds of me of a time i was driving and my 3 year old nephew was in the backseat booster, all of a sudden i ask myself out loud "where am i ?" cause i was semi lost in the city... He replied with " you're here!"

poeticjustice1275 · 1 points · Posted at 05:37:01 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

OP got a little feisty

Rommell00 · 1 points · Posted at 06:09:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son while riding in the back seat of the car and listening to the radio used to ask me if I could "hear it up" when he wanted us to turn up the volume. We loved it's simplicity so much that we all use it today years later and chuckle

broadmoor · 1 points · Posted at 06:19:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Once I asked my four year old if she could smell a particular odor. "Of course I can. What do you think I am, smell blind?"

carbine781 · 1 points · Posted at 06:19:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The edit #2 was hilarious

stvbles · 1 points · Posted at 06:22:00 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my sister was younger we were at a food van that served the usual burgers etc. She asked for a hot dog and the lady asked if she'd like anything on it.

"A sausage" was the reply.

Me and my auntie were laughing our asses off and my sister just smiled at us not knowing anything of it.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 06:24:12 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[removed]

xsandied · 1 points · Posted at 06:44:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bare hands...turtle hands...

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 07:50:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[removed]

xsandied · 1 points · Posted at 15:34:58 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You're on point now Mr Giraffe! I bet you know your jungle brethren well!

haysanatar · 1 points · Posted at 06:24:20 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Our family went to a buffet when i was a wee lad, and my dad was trying to convince me to eat some pickled okra. Dad "try some pickled okra son it'll put hair on your chest" About this time my mom took a bite of okra and my 4 year old little sister screamed "NO MOM DON'T!" The lady in the booth behind us literally choked.

Gameunderground · 1 points · Posted at 06:43:52 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My 3 year old and I were driving in the car and a big hawk flew in front of our car. I said "Wow do you see that hawk"? She says "No I can't see it" and I said "right there the big bird" she says "I can't see it". We stopped at a red light and it landed in a tree and I said "Look in the tree a big hawk" and she said "Daddy I can't see it. Maybe it's a John Cena bird?" Seriously she's 3.

JDizzleD1337 · 1 points · Posted at 06:46:02 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My grandma to my mom and her younger brother when she's about 4: Do you guys want some grilled cheese sandwiches?

Mom: Yes, please!

Uncle: No, I want a boy cheese sandwich!

Sorry for formatting I'm on mobile.

jace_looter · 1 points · Posted at 06:49:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

"Light bulb is confused!" "err.. what?"

Light bulb was fused.

wontonamobae · 1 points · Posted at 07:33:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It took me embarrassingly too long to get this

kwismexer · 1 points · Posted at 07:36:14 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bare = Bear

jonesid · 1 points · Posted at 07:41:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Dad to 4 yo kid: Do you remember where we are we going on holiday? Kid: Your Ami Dad: haha, it's Miami Kid: Yes, your Ami.

vadersfist181 · 1 points · Posted at 08:02:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Had to read this a few times to finally get the joke. And when he's older you can show him this Reddit post and watch him laugh as he gets his own joke. Priceless parenting moments.

CandyCaneLaine · 1 points · Posted at 08:03:11 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When my son wants to know when his dad will be home for work he tells me to call his dad and ask him this...

Mama, tell dad when he's going to be home?"

Also when he asks for more of something he says "I don't want that much!"

Took a bit to realize what he was trying to say.

tomatomater · 1 points · Posted at 08:05:38 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Those people who PM you... what are they even trying to achieve?

constantreverie · 1 points · Posted at 08:05:41 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

My three year old understands sarcasm very well, and uses it a lot, so I wouldn't put it past your kid.

For example, he will tease me with different words and act lIke I say them wrong, for example of I say "I want to play with war machine, you play with iron man," (a super hero he likes) he will say "what's that dad you want to play warm up beans?? Okay!!" Then he gives me that look.

atayavie · 1 points · Posted at 08:11:05 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me as a 4 year-old coming back from a failed attempt at potty training: "I missed, and I pissed off all over the floor."

Mobbbser · 1 points · Posted at 08:14:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your son isn't very smart

Gonein12days · 1 points · Posted at 08:14:46 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I would ask my mom when I was little why I didn't get to pee standing up. She said, "it's because you don't have a penis." I spent a long time asking what peanuts had to do with peeing standing up.

lolz977 · 1 points · Posted at 08:46:28 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Whenever I asked my granpa for something he would then respond asking for very obvious details about what I asked for.

Me: "Can I have some water?"

Grandpa: "Sure, do you want it wet?"

bigglesmeregambit · 1 points · Posted at 09:26:24 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Read this as "turtle heads" not "turtle hands"

Two nose snorts for the price of one!

bfk94 · 1 points · Posted at 09:35:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

The student has become the master.

YoloSlime · 1 points · Posted at 09:38:53 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I dont get it

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 10:50:06 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When he was small my brother's favourite joke was:

"guess who I saw today"

"who?"

"everyone I looked at"

JogglingDroid · 1 points · Posted at 10:54:33 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

hermmm: I had to read the comments to get it. No native speaker here, the Bear-Bare sound is not obvious or in any case really distinct in the mind of a non-Native speaker :). It is really funny, in particular for a dad like me.

FletchQQ · 1 points · Posted at 11:27:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

It took me a worrying amount of time to get this

1981mph · 1 points · Posted at 11:30:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was a kid I was walking through town with my Nan when we found ourselves walking behind someone walking their dog. The dog's testicles were dangling quite prominently. I'd never seen anything like it and I asked my Nan: "What is that between the dog's legs?"

My Nan, being a no-nonsense Yorkshire woman, told me: "They're his balls."

Me: "I see. And he keeps them in that bag until he wants to play with them."

Atruen · 1 points · Posted at 11:43:34 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When I was a kid my dad took me and my brother to McDonald's, once we got our food my dad asked me what size fry I got. I held up a single fry and said "This big"

AreYouFilmingNow · 1 points · Posted at 11:48:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Like my kids: Kid: Thank you Me: No thank YOU! Kid: No, I'm the one thanking you.

Which is correct, they were the ones thanking me.

Dwayne_dibbly · 1 points · Posted at 11:48:57 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Mate tell those people saying it's not joke to fuck off. Made me laugh.

kit_kat_jam · 1 points · Posted at 12:26:50 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

One time when my son was 5ish, he described something something as being "pitch green," as in "completely and totally green." He had heard the term "pitch black," but had no idea it referred to pitch, which is very black.

TheRealFayt · 1 points · Posted at 15:01:07 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Funny, when I was young I wanted something to be 'navy green'

pakistantourtravel · 1 points · Posted at 12:57:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Really amazing ,

tampared · 1 points · Posted at 13:29:40 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me... "Son, BEHAVE!!" Son... "I'm BEING HAVE!!"

ZiggyStarnuts · 1 points · Posted at 14:27:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

In response to your edit, I'm going to assume that the people bluntly informing you that this isn't a joke also won't understand sarcasm.

Arun_bhardwaj97 · 1 points · Posted at 14:50:44 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Omg! This turtules are the mess

1Job · 1 points · Posted at 17:14:59 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Based on your edit you're getting a lot of PM's about this just wanna let you know r/dadjokes would appreciate this much more than any other sub.

Hareem705 · 1 points · Posted at 19:55:45 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Doosri Shadi Karne k 4 tarike hain..... . . . . . . . . . .

shahbash bari speed naaal thalay aye o maa sadky. pehli tay kar lo.

enjoi8 · 1 points · Posted at 18:02:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

The force is strong with this one

LeakYgland · 1 points · Posted at 18:30:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your son made me laugh more than literally every joke on here.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 03:58:01 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

[removed]

penny_eater · 1 points · Posted at 18:35:39 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

So help me out, is this in /r/jokes instead of /r/dadjokes because OP's son didnt get it and thats why we should laugh?

the_supersalad · 1 points · Posted at 19:37:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

We should laugh because it's funny. Honestly, it fits in both subs IMO.

ACtuallyaWizerd · 1 points · Posted at 19:08:15 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

"My son was playing with his "teenage ninja turtle""? That's practically a dad joke itself!

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:12:44 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Not a dad joke but kid logic, which is usually flawless. A woman I know was telling her five year old son about how alarms work and she mentioned that they "go off" and he corrected her, saying "You mean they go ON, mom!" which when you think about it is correct.

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 20:13:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 21:05:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your son is a dad !?

aww congrats.

bazzington · 1 points · Posted at 22:18:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

reply "what happened to their right to bear arms?"

IwannaBASE · 1 points · Posted at 23:03:59 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

My son, about 12 years old, and i were talking about the afterlife. He started off on some tangent that concluded with a question about shoes going to heaven. I responded "Dude, thats silly, shoes cant go to heaven, they dont have souls..." It took me about two seconds to realize that i had been punked.....

LonelySquad · 1 points · Posted at 01:02:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

This must have been much funnier in person.

brdzgt · 1 points · Posted at 02:25:36 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Please stop PMing me that now. Thank you.

Gosh, PM's over little things like this? Some people are ~~seriously fucked up~~ desperate.

twocannnsam · 1 points · Posted at 02:45:03 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Reminds me of when I was playing playmobile pirates with my child. I said "where are your men, where are your buccaneers?" At which he responded "They are under my bucken hat".

ilikethewoods · 1 points · Posted at 04:05:13 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)*

I love when people make a thread on reddit, then think everyone is "PMing" them

TURN OFF INBOX REPLIES FOR FUCKS SAKE

If your thread, or even single post, gets moderate upvotes/attention, you're going to be flooded with witty one liners from redditors non stop. everyone has a joke or something clever to say and they want to piggyback it on a top comment so it gets more exposure. JUST SHUT OFF ALL INBOX REPLIES

petalynne · 1 points · Posted at 05:14:37 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Once I had two little girls in my back seat aged 4 and 6. The little one asked the older on where babies came from. She answered "Somewhere in China, Va, China I think it is."

roundcabinet · 0 points · Posted at 22:04:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

You haven't heard it before? Its not a dad joke.

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 18:54:43 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I imagine him saying that in a slightly annoyed voice with that widdle speech impediment some childwen have.

hey619 · 0 points · Posted at 19:51:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Anyone else not get it?

jonssonar · 2 points · Posted at 20:03:27 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bare = bear. Turtles don't have bear hands.

Badpuppy1 · 1 points · Posted at 20:09:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Ohhhhhhhhh.

Sure.

hey619 · 0 points · Posted at 20:17:20 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Isn't that joke not funny / done 1000 times?

phrantastic · 0 points · Posted at 02:06:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Can we X-post this to /r/aww or something? Because "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands." wins for most adorable answer.

iputtheflexinreflex · -1 points · Posted at 17:48:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

i don't get it.

sreyaNotfilc · 3 points · Posted at 17:53:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I'm guessing the Dad was hoping the conversation went more like this...

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "Yup."

Me: "But turtles aren't BEARS silly!"

Something like that...

Anyway, they son's response made the Dad's "joke" obsolete. Thus bringing balance to the force once again.

HawkMan79 · 2 points · Posted at 17:52:58 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I can't help you

badsingularity · -4 points · Posted at 23:20:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

There's nothing to get. The proud Dad thinks the kid told a joke, but he didn't.

[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 18:55:33 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

hotshot0123 · -1 points · Posted at 18:57:42 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Nope.

[deleted] · -5 points · Posted at 18:54:10 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

[deleted]

[deleted] · 5 points · Posted at 19:03:24 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I feel like reddit is just inundated with dads and children now.

54mi · 0 points · Posted at 05:04:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

When i was 7 years old 👦, while watching cricket 🔴 , there were ads after each over , The batsmen (for example : sachin is on batsmen side) is appeared in the ad, i used to think that how fast he has to remove his clothes 😮 and again wear the ads clothes and perform.. again the would continue after the ad .. again there would be a ad .. 😀

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 12:31:56 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Save those emojis for Instagram.

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 12:32:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Save those emojis for Instagram.

54mi · 1 points · Posted at 05:47:40 on December 31, 2015 · (Permalink)

👏

[deleted] · -2 points · Posted at 22:12:52 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

How is it a dad joke?

[deleted] · 2 points · Posted at 22:16:53 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)*

[deleted]

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 22:24:14 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Yeah I got that they aren't bear hands but rather turtle hands, still don't see how it's a dad joke.

shtory · 1 points · Posted at 13:14:10 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

because its a bad pun

XplicitVoltz · 0 points · Posted at 22:17:55 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Their turtles, not bears.

pcoppi · -1 points · Posted at 17:55:35 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

What... what the hell are turtle hands?!

[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 23:59:30 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

We're trying to keep things PC here on Reddit and actually the term "mutant" can be seen as derogatory. I'd like it if you removed it from your original post.

HotChildInTheCity92 · 0 points · Posted at 00:53:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Cool dads use Reddit

[deleted] · 0 points · Posted at 01:22:15 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

/r/dadjokes

Jabacasm · 0 points · Posted at 02:56:21 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Sounds like your 4 year old is ready to be a dad.

pokerpythondonut · 0 points · Posted at 03:56:29 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Me (adult) asks a little kid, "how many kid's knees do I have?...two? wrong. I didn't say kidneys. (encore) a faucet, a cabbage, and an egg had a race...who won? the cabbage was a head. the egg got beaten. the faucet is still running. Ha! Forget those people and just enjoy your kid...long before somewhere in the future when he'll mistaken you for just an ATM machine.

gaytard03 · 0 points · Posted at 04:19:23 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

I still remember being a little kid and asking my kindergarten teacher if it mattered which sock went on which foot.

markduan · 0 points · Posted at 10:43:30 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Edit 2: ... Please stop PMing me that now. Thank you.

Never felt a greater urge to PM anyone in my life.

jimmitygravy · -3 points · Posted at 01:52:09 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

you suck

Brigand92g · -5 points · Posted at 19:12:13 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

I think your kid thought you said "bear hands", like the animal.

thereversecentaur · 4 points · Posted at 21:01:06 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Really.

Dittorita · 1 points · Posted at 07:34:31 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Whoosh

Deadb0red · -5 points · Posted at 03:10:47 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

Your sons an idiot

FIESTYgummyBEAR · -8 points · Posted at 19:18:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Maybe he was thinking you meant "bear" hands as opposed to turtle hands. Lol

🎙️ MaynardJ222 · 3 points · Posted at 20:23:37 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's correct fiestygummyTURTLE

[deleted] · 1 points · Posted at 19:50:29 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

thatsthejoke.jpg

Tgunz0311 · -1 points · Posted at 18:36:04 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Then i added a speech impediment and turned it into turtle heads...ewww.

ikyle117 · -1 points · Posted at 22:49:29 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

It took me way too long to understand this.

Gish1111 · -1 points · Posted at 00:27:35 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

LOL to edit 2. People are dumb. Sorry you have to deal with the dummies on this one. :-/

[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 01:15:19 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

it is cute :)

[deleted] · -1 points · Posted at 01:50:48 on December 30, 2015 · (Permalink)

You mean "bear" not "bare".

Ahhhh!!!! Got ya!

BoxOfDOG · -2 points · Posted at 22:40:21 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

Bare hands.. Bare.. Bear hands? OH I GET IT. IT'S A JOKE.

badsingularity · -12 points · Posted at 23:19:17 on December 29, 2015 · (Permalink)

That's not a joke. Your 4 year old doesn't have a good grasp of the English language.