10 years from now I am a scientist working at the Large Hadron Collider.

Is it odd answering the question before it is asked?

Are you a Cubs fan?

Is it more difficult to enjoy sex after women lose the right to speech?

Does it sometimes feel like your talking to yourself?

So, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted me, your cancer is in a very late sta--

Hello, my name is Yes. I will be leading this clinic on wallspeaking. I guess we'll start withhhh..... you! Mr. ...Mcfly. Why are you here?

How old do you like your bitches?

How many more seasons of Firefly will there be?

How high do amps go in the future?

How far can you count?

What is your philosophy on sex before 10:59pm, inclusive??

What do you max out at on the ol' Nautilus?

What volume did you crank the music to when you ran your last ill fated experiment with the LHC?

How would you say other LHC scientists compare when it comes to their breakdancing abilities?

What do you think of people shooting black tar heroin directly into their eyeballs ?

What is porn like in the future?

How would you compare your wife and that other guy's mom in bed?

How would you rate the other people besides me in asking questions?

I need a toe.

In what manner did you take care of Sarah Palin?

How did you realize that the LHC could achieve time travel?

How did you and your girlfriend lose your virginities?

How did you deal with those lesbians with the double-ended dildo?

Excuse me, did you and a nameless group of others just plug a solid copper rod into each end? Did you then simply stand back and let the sparks fly?!?! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?!?! You know what, don't answer that last question, I don't want to know.

How do you dispose of a black hole once it is created by the LHC? I don't mind if you get technical, I'm writing a thesis paper on the subject and it would be awesome if I had a good "theory" to present. I'd appreciate it.

I've always wondered if the three shells from Demolition Man are really a thing of the future.

What are the toilets like 10 years from now?

what is the ultimate solution to the grey goo issue?

What's the wind-up with this whole H1N1 thing? How do you guys deal with the virus in the future?

After the LHC evaporates all liquid water on Earth, how do you dispose of fecal matter?

I have recently heard that you have become a surrealist. Is this true?

What do you do with Xenu's semen?

What should I name my penis?

In your future, what's the best movie of Seth Rogin's career?

What was the latest Tony award for best musical??

Was a sequel to Catch-22 ever written?

Will Sylvester Stallone get an Academy Award? If so, for what movie?

What's Shia LaBeouf's latest hit movie?

After they unfroze Sylvester stalone, what's the first movie he starred in?

What will be the first movie where the lead actor is a head in a jar?

Richard Geere's new hamster?

If it is true that people in the future begin all sentences with the word Rocky, then answer this question by telling me the symbol for the emoticon for the face of an embarrassed Ionian ice slug.

Why, I'm sorry. That wasn't much of a question at all. I'm sure you don't mind.

What was the 2012 Mayan calendar prophecy all about, anyway?

Who is the least-qualified person you've ever seen give a TED talk?

Who took you and your scientist friends' anal virginities?

How would you sum up the Great Zombie Plague of 2015 in one sentence?

Who was your worst coworker?

What did you say to Sarah Palin after you and your buddies gang banged her?

What is the sentence, "evivrus t'ndid ylraen eW .gniyfirroH .nilaP haraS" typed backwards?

Who is the biggest man you could see yourself take out in a fist fight ?

who won the 2018 AVN Best New Starlet award?

Who really killed JFK?

Who wrote the lyrics for Soulja Boy's "Superman Dat Hoe"?

In your opinion, which scientist do you think has the most smoking hot body?

PROFESSOR STEPHEN HAWKING?!?!?!?!

Who demagnetised your credit cards?

who are you?

who do you blame for your current predicament?

Who was the key testimonial for Obama's health care reform?

Who will be the star of the next walk it out video?

Who takes a long time to come?

Name a run-of-the-mill theoretical physicist that got famous because he looks like a retard.

Like Milli Vanilli I suspect all those auto-tuned songs are actually dubbed.

So any game in development that you're looking forward to playing?

What will you name your first born?

Do you have a name for your penis?

What did you tell Duke Nukem when he asked if you still loved him?

How long did it take for the US Senate to pass health care legislation?

Best game in the future?

Could you repeat the following phrase for me? "Duke Nukem Forever."

Can you please PM a mod to verify this?

What are the Higgs bosons like?

[deleted]

How did your parents take the news that you are only sexually attracted to elderly or injured male Pandas?

What is your opinion of all the Redditors whom have accused you of being a troll and for posting fiction in IaMA?

How do you feel about black people?

EDIT: Man, no one appreciates a good Christopher Lloyd joke...

Do they, unfortunately, have no sense of humor at all?

Did they ever come up with an effective male contraceptive?

In the future, have they found a cure for herpes yet?

What's a credit-default swap?

What's McDonalds serving in your time?

I was planning on having my girlfriend make some dessert for the LHC crew. Let me know what you think!

So does America ever find WMDs anywhere? If so, what do they consist of?

What really caused the credit crisis?

What does 4chan consist of in your time?

So what do you guys do in your free time at the LHC?

what makes a man a man

What's the worst shock site in your time?

describe your prom night in one sentence.

What's the show "bachellor" like now?

What were the most valuable products of the LHC?

I'm not sure why you would know the answer to this, but what did I get for Hanukah in 1996 due to a mixup at the post office?

What were the best and worst parts of your bachelor party?

Why was/is the LHC for, anyway? What were/are the scientists hoping it'll give them?

What is nirvana like?

Where did George W Bush really come from?

This guy is a total troll. Come on people! There's no way he's associated with the LHC. He probably just works a toll booth in the future and now that he's gone back in time where nobody knows him he's pretending to be a scientist as a weak attempt to pick up hot, nerdy chicks!

Did this pie you made come from a box? Is this Betty Crocker!?

Was the whole LHC accident you got caught in really an inside job?

Now you're back in time, you could have a threesome with yourself and your wife!

Would you ever give your future self a handjob?

Have you ever answered a question that had nothing to do with the question?

Do you want to watch football any sunday betweeen now and 2015?

Don't be sorry about this next question, but do you think your wife would your wife let you?

Are you going to gladly pay me for that hamburger?

Had you realized how risky this answer was?

Have you recently fisted your own ass?

Will LHC destroy our world?

Are you gonna answer the questions I really wanted to ask, but couldn't because I couldn't find the answers?

Are we still on for happy hour next week?

Did the mods ever verify this?

When are you meeting Vince?

(P.S. When you do, give him my condolences for the Random Pavarotti Disease.)

Is there really going to be a Zombie holocaust?

In the future, do they still listen to the song "Voices Carry" by the eighties band 'Til Tuesday?

After masturbating over six hours Sunday night to elephant on scientist pornography and passing out, will you ever wake up?

Fancy having sex so I can have your babies. Just so you know 9 days from now I give you a STD. Crabs.

What was the last Jim Carrey film you saw, and when did you make time to watch it?

Do any women work with you on the LHC?

do you masterbate?

Is there still KY jelly in the future?

Will Gen Y ever get over their wierd fixation for shaving their pubic hair?

Did you unzip and insert The Schwartz?

Does TCBY still exist as a corporate entity?

is Hanukkah still sometimes spelled with a “C” in the future?

What is the future of yoggurt? Wait, is that how you spell it? Please don't answer this question by passively aggressively spelling yoggurt correctly and pretending like none of this ever happened.

So the superconducting magnetic coils cost billions of dollars to fabricate but are only used to collide particles. Do you ever use them for other experiments?

Do you drink your own semen so as to preserve all your "children"?

Is there an anti gravity version of viagra available in the future?

After you stopped Sarah Palin the last time by luring the corpse into the LHC, you retrieved the body, right? I mean, considering the cobaryonic supersaturation, surely someone thought to power the facility by wrapping a neutrino collector around the corpse.

Really?

Do you have any use for super-farts ?

Not a good idea. Remember what happened to that cat?

What ever became of cuil theory?

what would you do with a barrel of otters and some hand lotion?

Can you demonstrate what a roomful of redditors would look like in the future?

What is our universe really made of?

Since you don't masturbate what do you do with the yogurt in the future?

What's the quote from (presumably) Adam that ended mythbusters?

Could you help Kenan fufill his plan?

What does the future Big Mac have in it instead of pickles?

Why can't I upvote this IAMA more then once?

Have you found a more effective way to pleasure yourself then a fleshlight?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?

Can you give me some idea of what supersedes the Fleshlight?

Im sure you slept with some of the other engineers, what were they like in the sack?

How did they end up fixing the US postal service?

Who finally discovered cold fusion?

What is the most viewed video on Youtube?

What caused the 14th near-catastrophic failure of the LHC?

What's the most powerful weapon in the future?

What has dilated pupils and the sole purpose of flipping out and killing people?

Did the Republicans ever unveil their health-care plan? What was it?

what should I bring when i meet your mom for drinks next week?

Are you for or against biotics? Also, what is life like in the future?

Now that you've been unfaithful at LHC. How will you make it up to your wife?

What do you get the man that has "everything?"

What's the popular meme 10 years from now?

What ingredients will terrorists use in their next airplane highjacking to assemble a bomb on board.

how'd you avoid the 2012 end of the world?

My wife caught cheating on her, what should I give her to show that I'm sorry?

What did you bring with you to your last date?

How do I say "Honey, I know I shouldn't have gone to cancun with that co-ed and I'm sorry." when Hallmark just doesn't have the card for it.

How was your first sexual experience?

So, what's the deal with LOST, anyway?

How do you feel about this joke thread, now that it's over?

What did she say?

So was the $250/hour your paid a dominatrix worth it?

Can you tell me more about how Glenn Beck became a gigolo, and your experience, if any, with his supposedly awesome blowjobs?

Is it true a duck's quack doesn't echp?

Who was that one badass on that show Lost? He was the black dude with the brother that was a priest.

Edit. Yeah that's him! Thanks.

Whats a GNU tool I can use to show the value of a environment variable?

Ping

Echo.

Who is your favorite dolphin?

What was the answer to the most difficult problem you solved in the original Zork?

Who is the worst character on the Dollhouse?

Is it still the hardest video game of all time in the future?

So between now and the next ten years, how many people will reject your sexual advances?

Will anybody still be listening to Coldplay ten years from now?

Have you guys figured out what Muslims really do get when they get to heaven?

How many sex partners do you keep at once?

How many people actually remember what 9/11 was?

Upvoted really hard for "occasionally".

What is the book, "Forty People, and Occasionally your Mum" about? Feel free to elide the words "It is" from the beginning of your answer, as I hate pronouns.

[deleted]

who is the next fundamental particle going to be named after?

How are we going to get to Bikini Bottom?

Who's next president of the USA?

Who will be the next chancellor of Germany?

Who takes over as "King of Pop" now that Michael Jackson is dead?

Who will I look like when I'm older?

Who's the governor of California?

Who is your personal hero?

In what manner did you take care of Sarah palin?

What did you name your penis?

I heard there was a plan to beam Kanye West into the future so we wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. What happened?

What's the next Nicolas Cage movie about?

What was the first time travel like?

What will the guy ,with the most Karma points at the end of year 2009, receive for being super awesome?

Is ticketmaster better in the future?

This is so fucking fake, dude. I want my 2 minutes back. I hope you choke on a marijuana hot dog, like your sister.

Are you for real? Sorry to ask, but we've had a lot of people impersonate celebrities and other important people here. To get verified, please PM a moderator a picture of you in the year 2019, and send a picture of your dick to the30thElement.

In the future, is it difficult to buy beer. What I mean is, does gravity knock your ass to the ground so you can't get up after grabbing a 12 pack?

You are getting very very sleepy. Now, when I utter the secret trigger question, I want you to tell all of these dudes that you seriously have better things to be doing than wasting their time. Then recommend that they not waste your time, and reveal that it was only a ketamine sandwich. I apologize about the hypnosis, but I can't risk them discovering that it was actually a ketamine and creamy peanut butter sandwich. Okay. Here comes the trigger question. Banana?

[deleted]

In the future, what's left of my Fleshlight?

What was your first sexual experience like?

China is posed to become a leader in automobile production. Should this trend continue what will be the impact of these Chinese automobiles on American roads?

What was the state of the LHC after Palin took care of the science team?

I tried to cum on my wife's tits, but in the heat of the moment things got a little crazy and we couldn't find the evidence anywhere! I'm afraid she might be pregnant.

What happened to the keys to the front door of the facility?

Did Obama ever really bring change to America?

When rebels overthrow Kim Jong Il by taking off his wig and holding it higher than he can jump, where does the wig go? I want to retrieve it before anyone else and sell it on whatever succeeds ebay.

When will the Republicans take back the White House?

When did Fox News start to gain some credibility?

When will I have my very own Glenn Beck to play with?

When will Glenn Beck finally admit to raping and killing a young girl back in 1990?

I'm off to an albino convention. Any advice?

aside from a towel what other gear would you suggest for intergalactic travel?

If you were me and destined to rot in hell, what are the two things that you'd take with you from this world?

Did we figure out global warming?

Is global warming real, or just a huge scam after all? I'm planning a trip to Nome, AK.

What was it like performing your own circumcision?

Do you remember what happened to the rest of these ships?

So what is/was the outcome of Windows 7?

So what happened when you tried to perform lyposuction on Oprah Winfrey?

Before they were legalized, whatever happened with your back-alley early reverse-circumcision job?

I thought you guys fixed the issues with oil tankers after the incident off western Australia, but now there's been another spill. What gives?

Have you manage to test the little known theory that the higgs boson is actually a moron magnet?

Did you finally go ahead with that new season of "Project Greenlight"? After Matt Damon married that guy with the shirt everything got scary.

did you went "no no no no no no no no NO!" at the exact time of disaster?

I heard that the U.S. douche industry is in a serious crisis and may not survive much longer. Don't you think it's wrong they aren't getting bailout money?

What advice would you give to small children in orphanages?

How do I become the Milky Way's premier Speedcore DJ?

how to make 11,000 karma points in 24 hours?

How did you graduate from college and land that job?

So what was it that you spent your time doing in order to live, and assumably die, so, so alone?

[deleted]

With what do good men dine?

Thanks for this AMA. Given your circumstance, we really appreciate you came here.

What do you miss most of your present?

How did you persuade George Bush to have sexual relations with that sperm whale?

Is there anything that you miss now that you've gone full cyborg?

What is Obama's reputation like in the future?

How did you solve the global energy crisis?

What was it touch and go until?

So what ever happened to Al Gores prediction we only had ten years to do something about global warming?

I'm fascinated this is not at the top. Brilliantly delivered.

My psychic told me there would be a global ban on helium usage in the near future; how did you get around this in time for my birthday?

What is love?

Two turn tables and a microphone?

how are clones really made?

How is babby formed?

How were you born?

So what caused the scuff marks and smell of burning plastic?

Would you mind telling me what the deal is with airline food?

I know it seems like a silly question but have scientists determined the causes of the time dilation that occurs as you approach Friday afternoon?

Why does Chipotle, being so delicious, cause me to shit out blood? I feel like this is a unimportant question.

Sorry, I know there are important things that need to be explained, but I just can't figure this one out. How did Michael Bolton sell a record? Ever?

I realize this might seem trivial, but why do they still make sitcoms?

"How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent?"

Oh man, tell me by your time this stupid meme is finally done!!

So why do women feel the need to talk about problems instead of find solutions to them?

Why does anyone use Digg.com?

How do you keep it up in bed?

What's your idea of a great swingers' party?

[deleted]

Tell me a joke from the future.

If you could have an orgy with anyone you like, whom would you invite?

Who will be the masterminds behind the next version of Windows?

How many European academics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What did you have for breakfast today?

Any problems with the Roswell alien holding tank?

Any problems with the communal goat you all ritualistically fuck in the LHC lobby?

So how's Wall Street doing?

Have you contracted gonorrhea? Is there a cure for it?

What do you do with the giant alien penises?

How is your testicular sore?

How's your ass after Tuesday's fisting session?

How do you deal with your penis, not that you've used Andropenis?

How do you usually play the Half Life LARP?

What do the LHC scientists do for fun on a Saturday night?

How do you guys handle taco day in the lunch room?

Who will be responsible for the accident at the LHC?

Who is Sarah Palin really?

If you could force George Bush to have sex with someone, who would it be?

Who invented the way to masturbate with yogurt?

Who was the Antichrist in the end?

How does the future view the presidency of Obama?

Who rules the single NWA government that controls most of the world by then? What ruler could possibly earn the respect and admiration of the unwashed masses of the world?

What were you trying to create when this accident occurred?

Who's the stuttering imbecile that does your laundry?

Who becomes the most notorious sex offender of the 21st century?

How will I die?

How is babby formed?

I am in a real life version of SAW 17 and the crazy man who has been starving me for 11 days says I can escape if I name 3 people in history that worked at the Large Hadron Collider. Please don't remind me of food, it makes me want to use the shotgun he has left me in hopes I use it on myself. I only have access to reddit for the next 30 minutes. I have no other methods of communication... please please please please tell ME THE NAMES!!!. I have no other options. Without your help, I will die and take a grave secret the world must know with me. Please Dr. McFly Time is of the essence.

Edit: You Fuckin' Asshole. You son of a BITCH! Why?????

As a 16-year-old Baptist girl, I'm saving my virginity because the Rapture is coming very soon. Can you tell me when it happens?

So, um, when you gonna let me tap dat? And may I use a flux capacitor and a bathtub full of lime jell-o?

Why do you keep dodging my questions?

I have homoerotic fantasies about time travelers. Is there a cure?

I've heard scientists own bigger joysticks. Can you confirm this?

[deleted]

Have they cured obesity in the future or do they still make fun of overweight people like me?

What is the next most disgusting/horrifying internet video that will top the "one man one jar" video?

Could you give me your phone number?

Cuz I'm sick of guys taking my number and saying they'll call and then never calling.

Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour?

Want to find out what it's like to have sex when both participants are headed in opposite directions on the timeline?

Have you guys found the cure to aids yet?

Did anyone ever find out why Kanye is such a douche?

It hurts so much! Why does it hurt so much?

How is it the seeds in my birdfeeder get eaten so fast?

Did you ever catch the serial nut kicker that was loose in British Columbia?

What's the smell coming from under the hood of my car?

When I'm relaxing at the park, just laying back and watching the clouds, I sometimes fall asleep. Every time this occurs, I wake up to find my nuts buried under some leaves. Why does this keep happening to me?

Why did the WTC really collapse?

Why do all of your answers sounds like set-ups to off-the-wall jokes?

Did you guys ever figure out what led up to the Big Bang?

What would you need to mix DMT with weed?

what is the preferred form or masturbation in the future?

Your mother propositioned me. What should I bring to our "date"?

Since all of you LHC engineers are extremely dirty, stinking, never-washing, non-toothbrushing geeks, how do you deal with, from time to time necessary, social gatherings, like, for example, a successful experiment celebration? (You wouldn't share a glass with anyone there, would you?)

What would you take with you if you were to be left on a deserted island?

how do you get rid of the smell?

It's ether and rohipnol to knock them out, but how do you bring them back?

[deleted]

I'm appalled that this LHC mess is still going on in our future, so do you know of any solutions for this bullshit? And will there be any long-term side effects from exposure to the Higgs Boson?

I'm still in disbelief that shoe-lace endy-bits were responsible for the graphic death of your colleague, Brian. From all accounts it is still hard to believe that they were able to cause multiple lacerations to his head and neck, aswell as the skull fractures. As the only other person in the room with him that day I am sure you are very relieved with the coroner's (your good friend Dave's) findings.

Is Aggie MacKenzie too old to have children or does she ever have any?

I heard you've tried having sex with those shoelaceenders?

What part of your sneakers do you like to mince into a fine powder, before sprinkling said powder over the ashes of your fallen loved ones?

Were the aliens that showed up called the "Combine"?

What's the most popular iPhone app in the future?

What happens in the future as human races interbreed together? Do they turn into a race of beautiful grey people?

I drew you a going-back-in-time present.

http://imgur.com/DqtRk.png

Do you find the press coverage trifling?

What are the armed forces like once "Don't Ask Don't Tell" is finally repealed?

Is it true you've seen Rosie O'Donnell's cooch?

Why won't my parents' marriage work out?

Can you briefly describe how the string theory looks like 10 years from now?

Given that you now know how the LHC experiment turned out, do you think it was worth the massive expense, and do you regret taking part in-- hold on, do you hear that noise?

How does the team at the LHC work together on a day to day basis?

Did you hear the one about the radical gay vegan convention?

I just ate a bowl of fruit salad.How does it look in my stomach?

is it true that all scientists working on the LHC sell their bodies?

Are you in contact with the Marcabian 6th Fleet?

Can i buy some pot from you?

I have heard that after the South & Central American cartels leglized and floated on the stock market, and you invested 100% of your capital in coke & H, the bottom dropped out of the market due to the increase in JJ180 usage. Can you dispute this?

Do you still use the state to compel people to pay for your masturbatory research projects under threat of imprisonment or extermination?

What was your first sexual experience like?

Whatever you do, don't push the red button, it will destroy reddit, both in the past and present!

How did you safely press Staples' Easy Buttons after they began being manufactured in China?

Did David Hasselhoff ever visit the LHC ?

I imagine the interviewing process leading up to getting to work with the most powerful particle accelerator in the world was very grueling. How did you manage to land the job?

What should I get my father for Father's day ?

In 5 years, will we be able to get ANYTHING through airport security?

what is the best garnish for a rack of lamb?

What's the main ingredient in a Big Mac?

What is the only word that rhymes with Schmutonium?

Do you need anything special to produce 1.21 GW of energy?

what did it take to kill that Dr. House Patient?

What will bacon go well with in the future?

What should I fuel the flux capacitor with?

What were the stats on the woman you wear having loud sex with?

EDIT: Oh, well that explains it.

In 8 words or less describe Kim Jong Il at your swingers party.

In what form do you expect to emerge from the time loop?

How's the wife?

what do the flying cars look like?

If you composed a poem to a dessert, how long would it be?

Who's your favorite New Kid?

What's your penis like right now?

Working those long hours getting the LHC up and running must've been stressful - not to mention the feeling of isolation from the rest of the world! Working in such a close, tightly-knit community did sexual tension ever present a problem?

How do you deal with the "no masturbation" issue?

What's the most effective way of winning a tug-of-war contest?

Is there skeet shooting in the future?

If you don't masturbate, then how do you...oh well look at that you've gone and answered already.

Do you think people will vote up every post?

Why did Reddit go offline for 3 months in 2011? What happened?

What was the real cause of Michael Jackson's death?

What happened to cause your time-travelling accident?

You say she was killed by a mechanical bull?

Oh god, tell me that ITER is a success.

How is the world in the future... and how do you think it will end? Or is the world dead already? if so please tell me how?

Whats it like when robots mate?

If you were making a Lady GaGa costume for Halloween, what would your costume be made out of?

What stands out most in your memory from the resonance cascade?

Describe your last sexual experience.

What does time travel look like?

What does the future Noah use to preserve the species?

What exactly happened when Sarah Palin was elected?

What future cooking techniques could I use to make this recipe better?

What does a haunted house need to really be memorable?

Do these pants make my ass look fat?

Has trigonometry finally been disproved in the future?

Are you being intentionally obtuse?

I've been standing on this riverbank for hours, will I catch this fish or not?

Which one of your mom's boobs are bigger?

Are the penis enlargement pills working on my cock or what heh?!

Why does this feel like Jeopardy?

Favorite type of pussy?

Which Buffy character would you most like to see naked?

What's your favorite fantasy midget of all time?

Which 1st season spin-off will Whedon be writing on Fox? I hope it's Sierra

In the future, how does Elmer Fudd pronounce "Rillow"?

What's the password to get into the LHC the night it's fired up?

Which of Sarah Palin's daughters gets the job at FOX news?

what rhymes with pillow ?

Who is your favorite character in the early seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

who was first up against the wall when the revolution came?

When the LHC eventually destroyed the Earth, who got off it first?

Were you ever in a gangbang, and if so with whom?

Who murdered the pope, and did you line up to spit on his bloated corpse?

Has anybody figured out what religion is the correct one? Which one is it & how long did it take for people to realise?

What's the worst thing about the country next door? I mean in France.

How do people feel? Is it legal to throw rocks at them?

What did you do during the blackout of 2011?

Do you have a car shaped like a torus?

Did the top secret plan to let the LHC be run by chimps work out to your satisfaction?

Did you see Carlos Santana in the cabana?

Did you lose any limbs from the...accident?

I am a banana. Are you a banana, too?

Do you have a scar shaped like a plantain?

Do you have a banana shaped like a scar?

Do you have a cousin named Sven?

Keeping in mind a negative response will cause me to take my own life right here at my desk, and even worse a seemingly irrational negative response to this question will cause me to take the life of everyone within a few hundred feet of me in a blind, white rage, please tell me you bring us guidance, hope, and some sort of plan to ease the world's suffering!

How did you kill Dick Cheney?

I never really bought all the stories of how the initial string of magnetic problems were fixed. It all seemed fabricated for the media. How did you guys really fix it?

Dave, my mind is going.

Why is Reagan taken seriously as a President in the past?

Who is your father?

Who's the father of that half goat/half human kid?

Who was behind the overthrow of the North Korean dictatorship?

Who was it that ended up breaking the whole dern thang?

How did the robots celebrate their enslavement of the human race?

What was your last meal before the incident?

What was the Windows 11 release party like?

I'm worried about the H1N1 virus, but I'm also scared to death of the vaccine. Is there anything else I can get to protect myself?

How do you take handle cavity repair in the future?

I understand that in the next few years scientists at the LHC will form the singularity that began our universe - thus being able to observe our universe from it's beginning. My question is; "What matter will be compressed in order to create the singularity?"

What do you usually bring to work?

Did you ever find out what MercurialMadnessMan ate and wore that night he got his screen name?

What were the countries disputing over that led to the WWIII?

what made you have sex with that dolphin? what'd you wear?

Jesus Christ, are you ever going to give me a straight answer?

In what condition did you find Dr Freeman?

What really killed JFK?

I understand that the cafeteria at CERN is slated to be rebuilt entirely out of LEGO in 2014. How did that go?

I had a vision that there would be another election between a black man and a white man in the time frame that you claim to be from. Who wins? Was it more or less amicable than our recent election?

Are you thinking about adopting in the future?

Were you involved in the design of the LHC? What was that like?

Does everyone speak the Queen's English in the future?

I've heard that Michael Jackson was a robot sent back from the future. If you guys are so smart, why the hell did he turn out so weird?

Was it easy to redesign the Union Jack Doc?

What was your first sexual experience like?

Does the LHC ever lose it's underwear?

Is it true that your cousin doesn't own your wife?

Do they use Helvetica at the subatomic level?

Wow! The LHC adventure must have beeen (will be) an incredible success and complete fullfilling of your dreams. You surely are on the very top.

Being the main Scientist in control of LHC don't you think you are ...even more powerful than God?

Is it true that Glenn Beck had his new brain transplant customized for increased weeping? (I think I heard somewhere that it was from MicroHoo and that it ran the Windows 11 kernel.) Or was the customization different? He's been so weird these days ...

How does one pleasure the LHC?

You said you don't have a lot of problems with the goat but that can't be the whole story.

Isn't it difficult to get the goat "warmed up" at the beginning of the day?

I've read about the Sudden Masturbation Interruption syndrome, where for some unknown reasons you lose your erection in the middle of a masturbation session. I'm worried this will affect more and more men in the future.

Doesn't the goat freak out when you try to wax it?

I believe that throwing an old white turd at passers-by is fun, but they never seem to stick. I think they're too dry.

With the shortening attention spans of children, how were you able to find a way to entertain the youth of america in the future?

How do you feed Rosie O'Donnel in the future?

With the growing popularity of fight to the death cage matches on Mars, how did you continue to find willing participants?

How do you test airlocks in the future?

Have you developed a means of propulsion for faster than light travel?

The higgs-boson's pretty cool, but it's no secret that the pinnacle of science is the question "will it blend?"

As a cutting-edge scientist, did you manage to make any headway in this field?

How do you feed the headcrabs?

How did you lose your baby?

I was sent from your previous future's future to assassinate you to stop the accident to stop this thread from ever happening. I was captured, as you may recall, but before they pinned me down I thought I managed a clear shot at your head. What happened?

What was your first sexual experience like?

What happened when Sarah Palin finally whipped out her penis?

I hear the Dick Cheneybot is a loose cannon.

There's a rumor going around that things got a bit crazy when G. W. Bush came out to visit. Is it true he skeeted in your face?

So what's your birthday wish this year?

If wil and eschaton were playing "limp biscuit," who would avoid having to eat it?

Why are you saying it like that?

I am an amateur time-traveller and next month I spoke to a certain Dr Hicheur. He divulged a lot of interesting information but I fear from the strange position upon his scalp that his hair is actually a toupee. Would you be able to confirm my suspicions?

Is Dr. Hicheur necessary? People say all of your staff is necessary?

Did you kill Dr Hicheur and take is job?

What's a bidet?

Why don't a lot of continental girls shave their armpits?

Is it true that the french have a special hormone that keeps them always clean?

Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?

What happens when a Jew walks into a wall with a hard-on?

I imagine that Jeopardy reruns are significantly less interesting since the questions and answers appear to be in the proper order for you. Do you watch it anymore, or just do the laundry instead?

I would think that if you're going to have sex with the LHC, that there could be some dangers to your genitals no?

The recent climatic changes have reduced the latex production significantly. I'm thinking that in the future this shortage will cause the prices to rise and perhaps make condoms economically unsustainable. Do you, in the future, seek other means of contraception like e.g. socks?

So now that you know the future do you just not bothering asking out girls that you know will reject you?

I have heard that you are on 12 hour shifts, and cannot leave your post. I was thinking you must employ piss-bottles and poop-socks.

I've heard that the afterbirth from a hive-mother can fill a 300 square foot room to a depth of 5 inches. I assume the nutrients make your feet silky smooth?

If I'm not alive 10 years from now, can you make sure my wife is still taken care of sexually?

You're probably thinking she'll reject your advances, but she's always super horny and down for anything. Unless you're a really fat, smelly jerk who's a turd in the sack she'll let you bang her.

can you make me a sandwich?

Can you submit some freaky videos to RedditGoneWild?

Hey, can you take my kid to the store to pick up some construction paper? I'm really busy, and it would be a big help. I know you don't have a carseat in your car, but it should be fine for a short trip, right?

So, what do you say, can you help me out?

Can you offer any verification of your identity? I'd really like to see the mods put a star next to your post.

Do they really make paint from dogs in the future?

What is the dress code for your high school interns?

what do you wear when you shower?

what are you wearing right now big sexy?

What is the customary attire to formal engagements in the future?

What's the difference between me and you?

In the future, what does it take to get a job as a National Health Insurance medical provider?

What did you finally feed the cookie monster to break his cookie addiction?

what are you wearing right now ?

What are you wearing, sugar?

Oh fuck, I know this is off topic, but I'm at the store buying the ingredients for a Reuben. I've got thousand island dressing, rye bread, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut... is there anything I'm forgetting?

Edit: Thanks man, you're a lifesaver!

What does Jared from Subway's asshole taste like?

I heard that they've been working on genetically modifying some meats so that they can grow like plants. Anything come of that?

Fundamental material of the universe?

After sodomizing a co-worker what do you call your twig and 2 berries?

Please describe your first sexual experience.

Now that Crocs have gone out of style, what's the new fashion in footwear?

What are the usual reactions after you have performed bukake with your colleagues?

Has anyone ever tried using the LHC to gain superpowers?

How do you guys handle taco day in the lunch room?

What happens when you accidentally beam in head crabs or parts thereof?

How will U.S. government help people of New Orleans in the aftermath of future "Katrinas"?

Can you fit a jack-o-lantern up your ass?

Do you ever just stare at the monitor and masturbate to science?

How do you cope with the knowledge that the U.S. accidentally detonated a nuke over Ankara, Turkey in 2014, killing over a million people instantly? Has the world begun to heal?

What are these rumors I hear about the "wild drunken party" and some guy showing off his "bosons"?

[removed]

This is the best thing I've seen on reddit in months, and I in no way mean that derisively.

this is brilliant. I am in a small, quiet philosophy class right now, and I can barely keep myself from laughing out loud.

This is like comedy Jeopardy.

Is this just another one of those great IAmA's of the week, or is this the best IAmA ever?

Best thread on reddit, ever.

OP didn't say thank you. You just disrupted the spacetime flux,

Definetly, I'm almost choking on my own laugh

You were right; this is the best AMA ever.

I think this idea is awesome. Too bad 10% of the responses are clever, and the rest are really cheap laughs about sex, anal sex, cum, and masturbation.

Worst scatological humor ever.

This is a brilliant way to harness the funny of reddit. There needs to be a way to do this more often...

Hi, I work at the LHC as well. Were you with the guys of Sector 34 at the strip club last night? Don't you think you went too easy on the booze?

Do you agree that it would be inappropriate for physicists to preform lap dances to earn a little extra income?

I think it's a conflict of interest for credit rating agencies to be paid by the companies they rate. What do you think?

Did you successfully catch a Higgs Boson bare-handed?

Were you successful in your attempt to prevent that fart from ruining your date?

My dad was in really bad shape last night and clearly was traumatized. He said it had something to do you with. Can you please tell me what happened? I'm worried.

Have you ever stuck a dildo up your ass?

Dod you ever learn to successfully spin plates?

What did you all do when you met Jesus?

What happened when a woman tried to share her scientific opinion on particle physics?

And after you had finally killed Palin?

What happened when Simone said to look at her and giggle?

What did you do when you found out your mom was a transvestite, and was a very active person at LGBT rallies.

Someone should write a script to make these read in the correct order of our time.

What would you say if you wanted to hoax people into thinking this isn't for real?

Quick! Delete this comment please. I want to believe! :(

boli99

Grrr, was this just a game? I've just bought a load of shares in the LHC.

Do you have any other remarks about the future?

psst. 6000.

Orange envelopes from the future.

upvoted for fox news.

That thing gets you automatically flagged as a bot, and future up/downvotes are ignored.

Mom?

You're doing it wrong.

that doesn't work :)

You can't do more than a few things in a very short period of time. Submitting 100+ upvotes is more than "a few things"

Reddit is allowed to have fun every now and then. As long as ama isn't being flooded with this sort of thing, I think it's nice to have every now and then.

This subreddit is FOR what the users of it decide. This is decided by upvotes. That is nature of reddit!

The only person who can go against this principle are the mods of the subreddit. And obviously the mods for this one didn't mind it.

As long as this is a one off, I don't see the big deal. There are likely plenty of posts that pretend to be legitimate which end up being trolls.

At least this is honest, in the sense that we know what it is.

This is a subreddit with focused, quality posts. This is not a subreddit for comedy.

LOL

Y-you mean...he made something up? On..on the internet? Oh god, what should we do?!

What will Glenn Beck say on the final episode of his show? Edit: downmodded by the only two Glenn Beck fans on Reddit. ha!

Almost all of them are really funny...

Yes. Because its legitimately enjoyable by a lot of people. Which is made evident by the number of upvotes vs downvotes.

He already will.

"and I be caught in the effect"

Wow, the future sure has lost its grasp on grammar! I better use my own LHC access to go back in time and correct the influx of ebonics.

Someone's being funny. Enjoy it.