Chris Stuckmann's Script: An Analysis

You've probably already seen Chris Stuckmann's rewrite of the fight scene in Dawn of Justice, and you've most likely have realized it's not that great. Pretty bad in fact, but no one's talking about why it's bad. As an aspiring screenwriter myself, I thought it would be good practice to go through the script and detail why it's poorly written. In whatever medium you're trying to improve upon, it's not enough to just get inspiration from excellent pieces of work, you also have to analyze those that you don't find well made. Keep in mind I'm going to be skipping some lines that don't need critique, but still add to the not-so-great theme as a whole, so if you haven't read the original script, read that first.

Skip this paragraph if you want to get to the analysis, because this paragraph is going to be really just an opinion on the entire incident as a whole that I feel needs to be written down. Do I feel that Stuckmann's initial review for Batman v. Superman had a lot of points I didn't agree with? Yes. Do I feel like this script being terribly written negates Stuckmann's review and his opinions? God no. Just because Stuckmann isn't a good script writer, nor could he have written something better than Dawn of Justice, does not mean he's not a good reviewer and can't have an opinion on it. Writers and reviewers have a very specific skillset that can't really be interchangeable. Besides, that's the point of a youtube movie reviewer. If you don't agree with many of the points of one reviewer, pick another from the millions of youtubers whose opinions match your own. Stuckmann is simply helping people of a similar mindset to make a decision, which is fine.

Onto the Analysis:

Rain assaults the ground as...

Now the first line of the script is the main problem with it. It's pretty commonly known that you don't write a script like a book. What I mean by that is, the screenplay writer writes the story, but the director is the one who interprets it onto the screen. An audience member is most likely never going to see the script, the script is meant for studios and directors. The script is a chronological collection of the events of the film and most important items/themes. If there's a twist at the end regarding a characters missing hand, then the script would include something before, about that subject. If, like in Death of a Salesman, stockings signify betrayal, then write some stockings into those scenes. Other than that, the director is the one who translates the screenplay onto the screen. Using this kind of imagery doesn't add to the script, it only directs the director. You'll see that as an ongoing problem as we run through this script. But what do I know? Maybe the rain is a motif or theme or something, and was required in the script. Well then you would write "It's raining." At most, you would write "It's raining heavily."

...SUPERMAN explodes into view as lightning flashes across the clouds.

Same thing as the first point. "Lightning flashes, revealing SUPERMAN." All you need.

SUPERMAN: (mocking) I admire your courage.

Two things wrong with this. For one, remember what I said about directing directors? That "(mocking)" is a way of directing directors and directing actors. For the second time, that is absolutely not a screenwriters job. If it is absolutely imperative to the story that they do deliver a line like this, and it's not clear they are supposed to, yeah sure, go for it. Otherwise, let actors act. For two, why the hell is Superman delivering this line mockingly in the first place? Why the hell is Superman cocky? This shows a complete misunderstanding of the character of Superman, especially Snyder's Superman. Say what you want about Snyder's version, but that Superman never wants to fight, he only ever does to save lives. That's all he ever wants, to save people, not to get into a dick measuring contest with Batman.

BATMAN: I imagine bravery isn't something you're accustomed to.

SUPERMAN: Challenging me isn't my idea of bravery.

What a SuperDick.

BATMAN: You don't know the meaning of the word. You've never tasted fear, you've never felt pain. That's about to change.

That's a little on-the-nose, don't you think?

Lightning erupts in the darkened sky.

For Christ's sake, all you need is "Lightning flashes".

SUPERMAN: (surprised) Bruce Wayne? I'm actually impressed.

1. Directing actors again.

2. Take out the word 'actually' and it's only half as shitty.

3. The line as a whole is still shitty, because once again, shows a lack of understanding of Superman's character. It's fine that you want this fight based on disagreement rather than Clark's mother being kidnapped, but you have to comprehend that Clark knew who Bruce was since the party (super-hearing scene), he just didn't care. Clark cares about what Batman stands for, not who he is.

SUPERMAN (CONT'D): I'm surprised you can find time to kill criminals in between drinks.

1. From now on, I'm just going to shorten "Doesn't understand character" to DUC. Make it easier on me.

2. This is the first instance in this script where people realize that Stuckmann isn't trying to write Batman or Superman, but rather himself as a disgruntled movie-goer. He's projecting his beliefs and feelings about the movie onto these characters.

Batman: (mocking) That's rich. how many people could you have saved while you snapped photos at the party?

1. STOP DIRECTING ACTORS.

2. DUC. Of all people, Batman understands the weight of not having the time and ability to save everyone.

3. Second instance of Stuckmann's projection. Maybe I'll keep a tally.

BATMAN (CONT'D): What? You thought a pair of glasses could fool the world's greatest detective?

Go on, have your laugh. Definitely the largest case of DUC in this entire script. Why the flying fuck would Batman call himself the World's Greatest Detective? A third of the world thinks he's a myth, another third thinks he's a wacko who beats up criminals and brands them, and the final third thinks he's a hero, but still one who only beats up criminals and brands them. Sure he really is the world's greatest detective, but I assume that people are less interested in how smart he is, and more interested in how much of a vigilante he is, so I don't think that nickname caught on in the weekly newspapers. Which means Bruce thought it up himself. What a dick.

SUPERMAN: (firm) I won't tolerate vigilante justice.

STOP DIRECTING ACTORS.

BATMAN: Then keep out of Gotham.

DUC. What a mature comeback.

SUPERMAN: Branding your victims? Murder? What separates you from them?

Third instance of Stuckmann's projections.

BATMAN: Don't lecture me about death! Thousands were killed the day you decided to help. The lowlifes I've put in the ground would've hurt good people, you nearly decimated an entire population because you chose not to lead Zod out of the city.

Fourth instance of Stuckmann's projections, and possibly the largest one. It sounds directly off of a anti-Man of Steel forum post. Also, big DUC too. Zod isn't something you could have led "out of the city." Zod's not a video game boss with bad AI. Batman, and the rest of the planet understand that. They understand Superman did everything he could to stop Zod. Unlike the people on the anti-Man of Steel forum posts I mentioned before, the human population in the movie's universe doesn't care about Zod's death. They have no preconceived notions on how a Superhero should defeat a Supervillian. Batman, and the rest of the anti-Superman crowd, don't fear Superman for what he did do, but what he CAN do. It returns to Alfred's speech about powerlessness in the cave.

SUPERMAN: ...The people you killed may be criminals, but they're fathers... sons... brothers. You've crossed the line, and I can't accept that.

This actually is an instance of something Superman would say. But don't give Stuckmann too much credit for it, it's not that he understands the character, it's that it's our fifth instance of projection.

Batman: Tell that to Zod's snapped neck.

What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK? What the fuck does that even mean? https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgN8oAHW4AANrjd.jpg^[1]

Where do I even begin?

1. Sixth instance of Stuckmann's projections. Like I said before, Batman doesn't give a fuck about "Zod's snapped neck." which also means this is...

2. DUC. It's DUC because of what I said in '1', but it's also DUC because Batman isn't a teenager in a fight with his girlfriend. When was the last time you heard someone use 'Tell that to...' in a fight? When was the last time you heard that, and it was actually a good point and not something they say when they can't think of anything else to.

In a rage, Superman tackles Batman, and the fight begins.

DUC. You can't have your cake and eat it too, Stuckmann. You say that by Superman killing Zod, you've turned Superman into a nonhero, one who is okay with killing. Yet by making the snapped neck line the catalyst for Superman's rage in the fight, you imply that Superman is deeply ashamed of it, something that was shown during his angry cry after killing Zod, yet you chose to ignore. So which one is it? Was killing Zod okay because Superman is ashamed of it but had no choice, or is it unheroic?

Anger floods Batman's eyes.

Superman's cries echo through the cement walls but soon, another sound. High Heels.

1. STOP DIRECTING YOUR ACTORS. No shit Batman is visibly angry as he's deliberately pressing down on Superman as he screams in pain.

2. Stop writing it like a book. The first thing a director is going to tell you is to get that literary shit out of here.

3. Was Lois wearing high heels? This is kind of a non-point against the script, because I just genuinely can't remember. It feels like something she wouldn't wear, and I'd assume it would be hard to walk around the Doomsday-torn environment or swim with those on.

LOIS: (desperate) Stop!

STOP DIRECTING YOUR ACTORS.

It's in that moment, that Bruce has a vision. He remembers something. Something horrible. That night. The night he lost them.

His parents.

Mark Twain, Edgar Allen Poe, or Stephen King would be proud.

James Cameron, Quentin Tarantino, or Christopher Nolan would beat the shit out of you.

Lois: (pleading) Please.

OH REALLY? LOIS IS PLEADING WHEN SHE SAYS PLEASE? I WOULD HAVE NEVER FUCKING GUESSED.

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Well there it is. An in depth analysis on what makes Chris Stuckmann's rewrite so bad. It featured six cases of Stuckkman projections, eleven cases of misunderstanding of characters, and twelve cases of director and actor directing.

Oh, and by the way, there's absolutely no way he wrote this in just "20 minutes". I'm not even talking quality wise. I'm saying no matter how little effort he put into it, he still could not have done 3 and a half pages. I know from experience, and discussions with other screenwriter friends of mine. 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on how much thought you put into it (and you should put thought into it), even if you have plans beforehand on how it should turn out.