Go onto Shark Tank with your new line of beverages. Secretly poison the samples that you give the Sharks, then reveal it to them after they have tried it. The Shark with the highest bid gets the antidote.
๐๏ธ Adn88 ยท 5759 points ยท Posted at 14:53:29 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Saved comment
Clavo_PR ยท 1565 points ยท Posted at 17:24:07 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: It was never poisoned.
wojx ยท 833 points ยท Posted at 21:59:07 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's called creating your market.
[deleted] ยท 285 points ยท Posted at 22:45:07 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
MissplacedLandmine ยท 218 points ยท Posted at 22:46:50 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Pfft this pen?
Tell you what .. Write your name.
KelGrimm ยท 215 points ยท Posted at 22:52:56 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Why? I don't want to. Even if I did need to write my name, why would I need to buy that pen from you? Don't tell me to write my name. Fuck you.
That scene always annoyed me.
brezzz ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 00:01:08 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
I don't think you picked up on the subtlety of the scene. The point is, he is wrong, clever but wrong. And of all the people there, he is the one that doesn't get to work in the firm (he has other reasons to, but still). It's referenced again at the end scene, his audience tries to sell the pen by talking about the features of the pen. The point was to make it about the person he's selling to, asking questions and feeling out their needs and wants and working from there. In the beginning of the movie at his talk with McConaughey, he basically said stock brokers are not productive at all and you can infer that they cannot realistically create or fulfill a need like in that pen scenario. It's all about finding the right person and pressuring from there. He brushes it off saying supply and demand and some such, but his character is smart enough to know that this is completely wrong in that context.
foreverascholar ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 01:35:47 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What movie is this?
Surfin_burd ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 01:43:16 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wolf of wall street. They're all sitting around a table, and Dicaprio says that this guy can sell anything. When everyone looks at him like hes insane he hands a pen to the guy and tells him to sell it to him.
The guy takes the pen and says "Ok. Write your name."
Dicaprio: "How? I don't have a pen."
Guy: "There ya go."
foreverascholar ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:01:20 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I really need to watch that movie.
Surfin_burd ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 02:04:45 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's super, SUPER nsfw. Way worse than I was expecting, plus a lot of drug usage. An extremely adult film, but so, so good.
SixFootJockey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:20:01 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of workplace allows you to watch movies anyway? NSFW is kind of redundant.
thebornotaku ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:14:12 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
projectionist
SixFootJockey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:16:22 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
In that case it would be quite safe for work.
TheAquaman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:59:40 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
My brother and I were going to watch it with our stepdad since it was Christmastime.
Thank God we didn't.
eggzima ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:51 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Happy Mothers Day, mom! I picked up some Olive Garden and a movie out of the RedBox, thought we'd have some quality family time together."
u60n0 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:01:09 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well when a movie opens with a scene of Leonardo DiCaprio snorting cocaine out of a hooker's asshole, you know it's only gonna get worse! lol
Darklyte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:20 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly didn't understand the point of the movie.
Kafke ยท -23 points ยท Posted at 02:59:40 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's awful. Don't bother. Whoever directed the movie was an idiot who kept all the horrible parts and literally made a cut (with a snarky line) every time the movie was about to get interesting. This drags on for 3 hours.
TheAquaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:33 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You do know Martin Scorsese directed it, right?
Kafke ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:44 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't pay attention to the names. No real point. If a movie is good, it's good. If it's bad it's bad. Just because it's by a particular person doesn't mean it's good.
I stand by my statement, the person who directed the movie was an idiot. The lead actor was fantastic, despite being given awful lines, being put into awful scenes, and generally having to deal with an awful cast.
As I said, the movie was garbage.
masterbard1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:13:51 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I can tell you are either a troll or one of those weekend van dame loving movie watchers. You probably only enjoy constant explosions and linear easy to follow dialogue to keep your Mind from overheating. You probably love movies like machete and any or all movies with Steven Segal.
Kafke ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:33:53 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what you mean by the alternative, but I'm certainly not a troll.
Nope, quite the opposite, actually. It's why I hated Wolf of Wall Street so much. It removes any interesting parts and is simply 3 hours of "let's yell 'Fuck!' and do drugs!" I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in my previous comment.
As for my movie tastes, I like stuff like A.I, The Girl who Leapt Through Time, Fight Club, Predestination, Silver Linings Playbook, Memento, Shutter Island, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the aforementioned Limitless, Cube, Cyborg Girl, The Adjustment Bureau, Primer, Ruby Sparks, and Pay Check.
That's just some random grabs from my highly rated movies. I put on Wolf Of Wall Street since it sounds like the type of movie I'd enjoy (a crooked broker who does illegal activities in an intelligent way to game the system). But it turns out the movie was nothing like I imagined and was actually pretty awful.
Again, I don't pay attention to names. I've never seen that movie (nor have I heard of it), and I'm not familiar with the name you threw out.
I'm sad to see that you've got my tastes completely wrong. I realize I'm a weird case, since nearly every single one of my views, thoughts, and opinions stray from the norm. But you simply can't put me into one of your little boxes that you stereotype with. Good movies are good. Bad movies are bad. Wolf of Wall Street happened to be a movie that had potential, and the director just threw it all away.
But as I said, I don't follow names, and just because some guy has his name slapped on it doesn't mean I'm going to mindlessly applaud it. Nor does it mean I'm not going to dismiss it on that fact alone.
WeHaveIgnition ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:15 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I know you're super down voted, but I have to agree. It was hard for me to sir through. The interesting parts ended quickly and the boring parts drug on.
Kafke ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:22:09 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Certainly, and looking at the synopsis and wiki page, it's clear that the guy who the film is supposed to be about is seriously smart. There's a lot of interesting stuff that the filmed glossed over simply to include more (unnecessary) party/loud/"I'm awesome" scenes.
At 3 hours it was really over done. The content that was put in the movie could have easily been trimmed to half of that without any loss.
I mean, the guy literally says "Oh yea, I did X, Y, and Z, but you don't care about any of that, here's more awful party scenes!"
The movie honestly would have been amazing if they trimmed down the amount of party scenes (which some were necessary, naturally). And included more of the "here's my evil genius scheme" bits. Something closer to Limitless, rather than a wall street porno.
tyranthotpants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Who put sand in your peehole?
theromanianhare ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 01:38:18 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Jaws 4: The Revenge
kx2w ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:20:37 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Weekend at Madoff, Bernie's: Belfort's Millions?
ersu99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:09:06 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is that the one were they have to spend a billion dollars with a dead guy on 30 weekends and if they do they get 30billion
mcdirty20 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:41:26 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wolf of Wall Street
LegendaryRav ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:43:51 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Paul Blart
ersu99 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:10:04 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Paul Blart Wall Cop?
omghowdidigethere ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:16 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
dank
dotpan ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:57:46 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is dead on, he's trying to do his best to teach a group of essentially idiots that they need to create urgency and need, the only way they'll understand that is to feel like there is a real, tangible need. That's the thing, his character knows there never will be, he knows that he creates it by being manipulative, using a false image, and creating it out of thin air, but to explain that to someone, especially someone that isn't the brightest cookie in the shed, isn't easy.
Imagine you're explaining to a kid why birds fly. You're not going to dive into aerodynamics about how the air pressure on the top of the bid's wings is lower than on the bottom, you're going to say something like "The bird pushes air down so he can go up" which while kind of true, isn't nearly the full scope of what's really going on. When you're attempting to educate someone, sometimes the full story isn't important, just the concepts.
americandream1159 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:20 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. Thnx. Thoroughly appreciated. Upvote.
______DEADPOOL______ ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:56:43 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is why you were promoted to management, Frank.
MissplacedLandmine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:17 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What would you rather they have sold ?
Corazon-DeLeon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:11:49 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That shit is classic. I got a little mad that it was used in the movie because I liked using it. Granted I know now that I looked like a dickhead, but still.
______DEADPOOL______ ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:55:31 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
pulls out pen from own pocket
writes name
There. I still don't want to buy your pen.
MissplacedLandmine ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:23:26 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
pen is made from karma
spydamunky47 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:06:58 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
More like:
"Touchรฉ, may I borrow your pen?"
Steals pen, runs off and yells: "Thanks for the pen, Jackass!
ajustyle ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:53 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
reads name on paper as you've written it
"SGT DICKHEAD, JR III"
komocode ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:53 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
on the check.
Openthesushibar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:57 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Can I borrow your pen?
dont_let_me_comment ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:13:22 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, sir. This pen's not for sale. Not for the likes of you, anyway.
spacemanspiff30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:48 on May 13, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A person after my own heart.
Get it together people, you have to make people want it without them knowing they want it. Telling them to write their name or describing it's features is not nearly as effective. You have to create not only a desire for whatever you're selling, but also an urgency, as well as a feeling that what you're selling is elite.
"You can't have this pen" accomplishes all that in 5 words. But you have to convey that to people in how you say it, and therein lies the art.
Badcompany18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:57:07 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it's a very nice pen, of great quality
katacarbix ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:09:35 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Step 1: Create problem
Step 2: Sell solution
ItsStillNagy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:48:37 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Murica
Darkassault2011 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:06:18 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's the Kevin O'Leary way of thinking!
BargeMouse ยท 964 points ยท Posted at 18:50:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What's the next step after the antidote? You sell the poison you sell the antidote, then what?
I just don't see any long-term business plan you may have, and for that, I'm out.
BeenWildin ยท 436 points ยท Posted at 19:44:56 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think you just go to jail for attempted murder
Diamondwolf ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 19:59:25 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ask for immunity in the deal, and also for to be swept to a country that won't extradite you.
T-Luv ยท 287 points ยท Posted at 20:10:23 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Offer the prosecutor a free refreshing soft drink. That soft drink will be poisoned. The antidote will come at a price, and that price is your freedom.
Diamondwolf ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 20:14:34 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody can resist a free refreshing soft drink. Genius.
ShaneDAWS0N ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 20:56:23 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Judge - What do you have to say to yourself before the Jury goes and deliberates?
Me- Well you have to find me guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Now I do have one thing to say My brother came in early this morning. * (Brother stands up and waves) *. He had access to the coffee that the jury drank. Now I would never poison the coffee and neither would my brother BUT if we DID poison the coffee you'd have 6 hours from the time of consumption to drink the antidote. Now IF the coffee was poisoned and IF you all drank that poisoned coffee you'd have 3 hours to get the antidote. NOW I'm not saying your coffee was poisoned but I am saying I have a 12 pack of bottled juice that each of you might be interested in. That is all.
45 minutes later the jury comes out and you're not guilty. Then they all follow you to a secret location where there is juice for them to drink. It's apple juice and all 12 if them hate apple juice so much that they don't drink and later die of flu-like symptoms.
upvoteOrKittyGetsIt ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:05:10 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The juice is also cursed
FUS_ROALD_DAHL ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:27:06 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But it comes with a free Frogurt!
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:47:31 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's good!
DrVirite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:16 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But it's gone off.
morpheousmarty ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:08:46 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a new trial?
orthag ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:23:58 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Why? They just got a bad case of the flu.
gattaaca ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:10:45 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Correlation does not equal causation, you're fine
Seoul_Surfer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:47:47 on May 13, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Double jeopardy bitches, they can't touch you
20Babil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:29 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The juice is another poisoned drink with a much longer incubation period, so you can get ready for your next scheme.
s-b ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:44:20 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Especially for 100% stake in the antidote.
OfficialCocaColaAMA ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:51:07 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Alright guys. I'm in. Where do I sign?
jld2k6 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:53 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So he drops the attempted murder charges on the billionaires then charges you with attempted murder on him after receiving the antitidote. You are now stuck in a loop.
frotc914 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:35:09 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Mark Cuban, you can have the antidote for free, but I'm gonna need your jet."
BargeMouse ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:14:51 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That would completely devalue your product. A move like that makes me as an investor lose faith in the creator. With no long term plan AND the creator in exile, I wouldn't feel comfortable going in for anything more than $200,000 for a 50% stake.
And that's being generous.
pateras ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:31:38 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And is there a patent on the antidote? If there's nothing proprietary, what's stopping your competitor from making the same antidote and crushing you like the cockroach that you are?
Also, the police.
Sirsilentbob423 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:07:01 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What you do is create a poison than never leaves the system. It would require that the poisoned individual take the antidote once a day, and only you know the exact ingredients and the quantities. Create your own value.
masterbard1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:17:49 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So create reddit?
anxdiety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:59 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So you give them enough to cause diabetes and then sell them test strips that that need to check their BG 4-5 times a day on top of the medication so it doesn't kill them.
renegadecanuck ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 19:16:10 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I don't see anything proprietary about this. If you don't have a patent, I'm out.
jniko ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 06:03:48 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
What's stopping me from just making my own poison and poisoning myself?
homefree122 ยท 345 points ยท Posted at 15:58:45 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Cuban would win. Surreptitious sonofabitch.
Naught ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 19:33:04 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't watched too much of the show, but how would his sneakiness help him?
ltran96 ยท 246 points ยท Posted at 19:37:14 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He always stays quiet when he sees a good deal, then once the person is done negotiating with a shark and about to settle he swoops in with a marginally better deal and steals it away.
sparknado ยท 161 points ยท Posted at 20:23:50 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He's also more rich than the other sharks combined
AyPay ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 21:13:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And from what I've seen he's much more approachable and 'normal'
kajunkennyg ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 21:59:01 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Robert seems pretty normal to me.
SantiagoAndDunbar ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:44:53 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
mr wonderful is the only one that comes off as "not normal".
Kingmudsy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:07:36 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Coincidentally, he's my least favorite shark.
ChickinSammich ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:38:29 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny; I'd assume that ruthless, emotionless, blunt pragmatism would make him pretty popular among certain circles of Redditors. I'd say my favorite shark is probably either Daymond or Barbara.
I dislike Mark's "Hurry up and take my deal and don't say anything to anyone or I'm out" schtick. If someone else is about to speak up, it's probably because they have a better deal than you.
Kevin, I think, would objectively be the best person to partner with to make the most money, but I hate that his solution to everything is royalties. I get -why-, but it's not really a great idea.
Robert, I have nothing against necessarily; he seems like a cool guy, but I don't get what makes him unique. He's basically just a less rich, less high-energy guy than Mark.
Lori I don't thoroughly dislike (I actually LOVE her blue dress and really which I knew where to get a facsimile) but she seems to try to really lay on the bravado to try to sell herself.
matpower ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:22:01 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I work for Robert. He's pretty high energy. But I don't watch Shark Tank so I can't really compare to Mark.
smdaegan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:37 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Work for him in what capacity? Genuinely curious.
IM_A_WOMAN ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:56 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nut-fluffer
Coveo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:23:14 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think Robert and Mark are the only ones I actually like. Mr Wonderful is an ass that will always ask for royalties. Barbara will tell you everything "isn't her area of expertise". Daymond will offer something mediocre, but the second somebody says anything but immediately take his offer he will get angry and say he's out. And Lori talks the entire time about "how many people we'll be reaching together on QVC!!!". While Mark is a little trying, him and Robert are the least grating of the bunch, and Robert seems like a legitimately awesome guy.
Milswanca69 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:25:30 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He absolutely is. I met him at the batting cages when I was probably about 10 or 11 with a couple of friends and our fathers. He spent a solid fifteen minutes just talking to us. Seemed like a really nice guy. He then proceeded to go into the 75 mph cage and whack line drives.
GamerX44 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:45:02 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So the richer you get, the more normal you become ? Got it.
AyPay ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:47:26 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Well bill gates looks like he comes straight out of the definition of 'Normal'. So maybe
morpheousmarty ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:10:32 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He's just spent billions making everything about him subtly appear in all forms of media for decades to make him seem like the most normal person in the world. Then, the sharks with laser beams.
Jonthrei ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:26:45 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
No, no, no, you've got it all wrong. The laser beams zap the mosquitoes.
Also Bill Gates is both a chair-hopping goofball and probably the single largest force for good on the planet. He's one of, if not the only, name from this century that people are gonna remember in 1000 years.
IM_A_WOMAN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:03 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Warren Buffet, Stephen Hawking, possibly Elon Musk. But I totally agree with what you're saying, those giants are the George Washingtons and Ben Franklins of our time.
Jonthrei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:25 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I sincerely doubt Elon.
Bill Gates and Buffet are the only two "rich people" who I can see being remembered, they are legitimately changing the world right now in Africa and elsewhere.
There are quite a few scientists alive today that will be remembered, not just Hawking.
IM_A_WOMAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:35 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah Musk is a wildcard, I doubt it but I'm hopeful. I'm definitely excited for the advances he's bringing though.
Hawking was just the most notorious scientist that came to mind, no doubt there is a long list that will be remembered.
morpheousmarty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:30 on May 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And what do we define as good? The subliminal messages he taught us to think as good. Just kidding, he's a great guy, but I don't think he'll rise the level of Charlemagne unless he gets a bit flashier.
FrozenMongoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:02 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He would do well on the price is right.
Kinglink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:37 on May 13, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"Listen 1 million dollars, I need your answer in 3 seconds!"
"Done"
Everyone gets huffy and dies.
rgb003 ยท 267 points ยท Posted at 17:38:38 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Failed idea: They do a joint venture together. They all get the antidote
[deleted] ยท 262 points ยท Posted at 17:55:14 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And you still get the money. Win win.
[deleted] ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 20:08:05 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
until you get arrested for triple attempted murder
vierce ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 20:11:33 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Except you offered the drink to a police officer on the way in and didn't reveal that until the hosts drank all the antidote.
frotc914 ยท 159 points ยท Posted at 20:33:27 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're just adding attempted murders, not solving the problem.
superdago ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 20:41:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You can also put the poison in the municipal water supply. Then any judge/jury that hears the case will be forced to let you go free in order to get the antidote.
[deleted] ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 20:48:08 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Poison everyone until you're the last person on earth, take all money. Win win.
lightmanmac ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 01:24:32 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If There Are No People Than What Is Money
Clay8288314 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:27:29 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Paper
IM_A_WOMAN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:50 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Really greasy paper.
Shiningknight12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:46 on June 7, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Its cloth.
Sometimes_Lies ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:52:47 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If you keep it up long enough, at some point Batman is going to show up to stop you.
Then you steal his utility belt and begin mass-production with one of the Sharks.
In a twist ending for the episode, this was actually your plan all along.
The Sharks were in on it from the start.
oh_no_a_hobo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:22:57 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget to make the poison only effective if it's in the air, and buy a big microwave oven that can magically overcome the high heat capacity of water and turn all the city's water into steam while ignoring all the water that makes up people.
superdago ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:59 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, I'll just wait til everyone takes a shower. Only the dirty are safe.
Mightymaas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:43:55 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
As if adding additional murders does not always solve the problem
FrankyEaton ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:05:00 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Youve obviously never played GTA
SirDerick ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:30:14 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
If, for whatever reason, adding attempted murders doesn't work, attempt more murders.
okofish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:00:41 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Murder solves every problem.
orthag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:29 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Eventually you just poison literally everyone.
jason_steakums ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:25 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Even if there are survivors nobody can put together an impartial jury. It's the perfect crime.
PacoTaco321 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:20:15 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Quintuple
D3ADRA_UDD3R5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:42:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
But you didn't try to kill them, you just used their lives as a way to make money. Your intentions were never to have them killed, it was just a large part of the plan.
i-faux-that-kneel ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 17:46:13 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not if there's only enough for one of the Dragons!
UncreativeTeam ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 17:59:06 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
We're in the US. They're called Sharks and their chauffeurs drive on the right side of the road and they use the standard system of measurement, dammit!
Calamity701 ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 18:02:29 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahahaha
Shtruntz ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 19:03:53 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The UK should be at least pink. Those dudes switch around their units so much that you'll never get the same answer.
Hell, they still use STONES over there.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 19:10:48 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of countries should be pink. No one in Canada honestly describes their weight or height in metric units.
MAXSquid ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:06:31 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Or really measures anything larger than a sheet of paper in cm/mm. It is even difficult to come by a metric measuring tape.
iPCV ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:56:29 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
You looked at the stars
Polardice ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:33:07 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Have you been on the roads there?
pladin517 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:22 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I do, though I don't describe my weight at all because I've never weighed myself. Sorry.
When I say my height is 188cm, they seem to understand.
Doug101 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:47:20 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yep on our rulers we have both centimetres and inches
(inb4 measuring penis)
Calamity701 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:23:58 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The map shows countries that are officially not using the metric system.
callumgg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:34 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The map shows official measurement.
Also I should mention that the younger Brits don't 'get' imperial measurements as well as their elders. I don't know my weight offhand in stone/lb, but I do know it in kg for instance.
Shtruntz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:31 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metrication_in_the_United_Kingdom#2013_public_survey_of_understanding_and_use
OpticXaon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:15:01 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You never really think about those other two countries having their shit together.
veggiter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:54:46 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Burma and Liberia are cool as fuck
jacob8015 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:31:18 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The only country that has put men on the moon is red.
Juz_4t ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:22:14 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
And their computers used metric.
labrat420 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:11:10 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yea but one of those sharks is actually a Dragon because he's from Canada and an asshole
therad ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:17 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Canada and Quebec ones are called dragon too.
๐๏ธ Adn88 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:18:36 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Just turn down the deal.
DudeWheresMyRhino ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 17:21:46 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
fib16 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:28:23 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He likes it plenty cuz he is rich! The dude is a snake but he is really funny on the show. Can't help but laugh at the bald bastard.
formatlostmypw ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:24:52 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You're not selling clothes, and for that reason, I am out
smdaegan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:49 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
He invested in the BBQ guys..
HImainland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:49:37 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
as well as billy blanks jr. the fitness guy
vereonix ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 18:40:17 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Shark Tank" is just the US rendition of the UK's "Dragons Den"?
acealeam ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:57:04 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yep.
GeneticsGuy ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 19:56:15 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Even has 2 of the same "sharks" lol
pizzaalldayeveryday ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:36:33 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You mean the Canadian one.
amayain ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:08:50 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
which two?
GeneticsGuy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:20:38 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Mr. wonderful and the Croatian (Canadian really).. Don't remember their real names
bullet4mv92 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:43:33 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
*Mr. Wonderful. That's Kevin. And the other one is Robert.
pizzaalldayeveryday ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:39:39 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Dragons Den" is just the UK rendition of Japan's "Money Tigers"?
SingleLensReflex ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 23:37:39 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Money Tigers" is just the Japan rendition of Canada's "Moolah Moose"?
UnkleF ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:42:18 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Moolah Moose" is just the Canadian rendition of Poland's "Pierogi Basket"?
TheRealRufus ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:16:34 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Pierogi Basket" is just the Polish rendition of Austrailia's "Dropbear Domicile"?
Sithun ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:51:08 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Dropbear Domicile" is just Australia's rendition of the Swedish "Kamprads Cavern"?
StezzerLolz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:57:34 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Kamprads Cavern" is just Sweden's rendition of the Redditor's "Beat this joke to death with a large stick until it stops moving"?
Sithun ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:25:26 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing "Beat this joke to death with a large stick until it stops moving" is just the Redditor's rendition of StezzerLolz's "There is a point in time where this needs to stop, and we've clearly passed it, but I'll be damned if I won't continue in the same fashion anyway"? ;)
MonkeysInABarrel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:43:15 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Actually Canada has Dragons Den.
Ratfor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:59:53 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Ireland has one as well. It's awful.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:13 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
[deleted]
Ooer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:21:31 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was an actual shark tank, this is /r/crazyideas after all.
a_newer_hope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:14 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I was wondering what sort of currencies sharks use.
Djinnfoo ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 21:26:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
Irony_Man_Competitor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:39:57 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.
hedgecore77 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:51:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I had this idea for a sketch comedy show, but with Dragon's Den. "Hello Dragons." "What's your product?" "The antidote."
f5kkrs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:56:30 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
"I'll give you $200,000 for 51% of the antidote."
Pdidy0805 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:53:50 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Or you poison all of them and then leave and never tell them then invest every penny you have in their competitors! And BAM you're rich!
AtWorkBoredToDeath ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:31:27 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Get arrested for pre-meditated murder while having it filmed, brilliant !
AceCase2D ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:29:42 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought we were talking about literal ocean sharks here.
jakielim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:54:24 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Or the gangs from the West Side Story.
DavesNotThere ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:30:28 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Please don't have an antidote.
OnTheEveOfWar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:29:49 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait isn't there a Blacklist episode that's very similar to this? The guy would poison people then send them a daily antidote, but only if they followed his instructions. These would include things like stealing money, etc. If they didn't follow his instructions they wouldn't get the antidote and die.
floridawhiteguy ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 17:33:55 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay a dollar to watch that episode of the show and see them die.
That_Guy381 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 18:38:54 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
/r/killthosewhodisagree
brumsticks ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 22:10:42 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you're a bit of a cunt
argusromblei ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:49:03 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahahaha Muahahaa
howbigis1gb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:17:06 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of this SMBC theater sketch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23dzdvoU1vA
TotesMessenger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:26:24 on May 15, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This thread has been linked to from another place on reddit.
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julianfri ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:52 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin's a robot, so it wouldnt work on him!
cillosis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:56 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
You are dead to me. You will get squashed like the cockroach you are.
masterbard1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:59 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I like your way of negotiating Dr. Evil.
Gambit215 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:02:54 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Someone just saw an episode of The Flash featuring Mark Hamill huh?
iwasinmybunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:10:52 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
NICE TRY LAU CHE
roach101915 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:14 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I originally read this as "Go into a shark tank".... I was like, yes, this is a shitty idea.
synthanasia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:48 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist. Immediately arrested for premeditated food tampering after appearing on the show
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:23 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I think this should be on SNL.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:52 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's already on Buzzfeed, so.
robotortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:06 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait....seriously?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:24 on May 13, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Nah.
robotortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:52 on May 13, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Oh.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:20 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Whats your evaluation?
Jordan311R ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:21 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Valuation*
mdm30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:10 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Not to the same degree, but someone went on the Canadian version of the show and fed the Dragons/Sharks dog food before telling them what it was. He didn't get any bids.
chemo92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:42 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
So this is dragons den with the bloke who owns the Dallas mavericks?
PinataBinLaden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:08 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yup
dabroncosman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:41 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I lost my shit laughing reading that.
spydamunky47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:29 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Shymalan Twist! Brilliant idea as well...
boltej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:54 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Duress.
Chewy_Bravo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:41 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The poison is slow acting. Taking 5 years to kill the victim. Tell them they must invest into a new laboratory that can research and find the cure
Stegtastic100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:40 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Must remember that in the UK this is "Dragons Den" and that you're not actually trying to poison a shark. Or are you....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:52 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the plot of a "Black Mirror" episode.
ersu99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:11 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the same thing but for masterchef. Wonder how many times they would just pretend to taste your meal but never actually taste it after you poison them, you would win every taste test
Gutterlungz1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:41 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That's some Bond villain type shit right there.
Jakuskrzypk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:59:37 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
The scale is too small. Well the idea was pretty much taken form MI2. Its simple terrorism.
TracyMorganFreeman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:33 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin would outbid everyone just to spite them.
[deleted] ยท -15 points ยท Posted at 18:20:36 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Skip the antidote part, and just collect the sweet karma from those scumbags being removed from the world.
DaedalusMinion ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:36:57 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Why are they scumbags? I just discovered the show yesterday and like it so far.
[deleted] ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 18:45:10 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Because the contracts these assholes offer put all the risk in the inventor/creator's hands. They get a majority control of the venture with priority reparations, they collect all the money they invested back before the small business gets fucking anything.
So yeah, scumbags.
iamnotafurry ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:48:09 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
That makes them smart investors not assholes.
renegadecanuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:57 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Those aren't mutually exclusive
uncletacoman ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:25 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking child
renegadecanuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:26 on May 12, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Very mature of you.
Askesl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:56 on October 14, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Smiling politely
feedmecheesedoodles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:24:27 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Wait you mean kinda how actually investing works? Wow dude.
That_Guy381 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:38:28 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
How are they scumbags?
Reverse_phycology ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:55:38 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Because they're rich!!!
/s
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:25:19 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Here's a crazy idea: create a crazy idea that's not based off of a worn out Family Guy joke.
The twist: they're all pretty worn out.
[deleted] ยท -27 points ยท Posted at 16:05:24 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SSAvenger ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 16:27:31 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't r/cleverwellthoughtoutideas
crazyloof ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 16:34:51 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
This is /r/CrazyIdeas not /r/PeopleWhoAreNotFunAtParties
cyclicamp ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 17:06:41 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
So what? You'd be rich enough at that point to buy your freedom. Plus with how I understand equity to work the shark would assume 35% or so of the responsibility so that's even more ammunition for your freedom campaign.
RealHumanHere ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:27:42 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: you never poisoned them, you made them THINK they were poisoned. Call it a prank, get the money, don't get arrested.
Dorskind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:46 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Fraud.
andersonb47 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:57 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Better than homicide I guess
RealHumanHere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:57:43 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It's a joke guys, chill...
robotortoise ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:38 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)*
Pretty sure that's still illegal though. Isn't that threatening someone?
Edit: not that I'm saying this crazy idea isn't feasible. You should totally do it, OP!
NOPE5390 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:49:29 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
It was just a prank, bro!
NEXT_VICTIM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:28:04 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Death threat?
robotortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:47 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah.
yoercc ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:19 on May 11, 2015 ยท (Permalink)
I like this idea since I hate all the judges on the show.