๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 436 points ยท Posted at 11:36:44 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
So many people that start the process of self improvement, especially men, tend to do so many (gimmicky) things at the same time.
Cold showers.
Fasting.
NO PMO.
Weightlifting.
Meditation.
All of these things are difficult and some people will easily do all of these at the same time, all of us can easily reach that point.
However, if you currently don't do any, or you are just beginning to focus on yourself, you need to ease into it. If you do all at the same time , from the beginning, you will feel like you are missing out on pleasure and that's how 'relapse' happens
So for example.
Stop watching porn and masturbating. Focus on researching and reinforcing WHY you should stop. But stop now.
You can still have hot showers and eat when you want (in a decently healthy way) you don't need to lift yet unless you already do and it takes no willpower and you don't need to meditate.
Once once the no pron is a habit and takes no effort, introduce something new.
This will help you to find pleasure in life instead of trying to be over ascetic.
Another thing is that being overly ascetic can actually make us feel really proud and BETTER than other people, which then can cause us to feel as though we can partake in degeneracy without many consequences.
This is just not true. And again, this is why some people relapse.
Take it slow, there is no need to relapse. Most people that 'relapse' are allowing it. I'm no bible man but there is a good piece of advice in the bible which says something like when you are tempted, you should flee.
Take that advice.
Saved comment
M61a120mm ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 12:07:07 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
100% this. CLK sets a standard that, when viewed from the bottom, seems very high. it's easy to get overwhelmed trying to meet it too quickly. overwhelming leads to the inevitable crown drop (which is totally normal if handled properly) but if you buckle too early on and from too much weight you're likely to adopt a defeatist mentality and just quit, and nobody wants that.
Bottom line: baby steps! don't let this community pressure you into overextended yourself.
Now get off this screen and take a walk or something, damnit.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 12:10:00 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
That's it mane!
tread_on_them ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:18:16 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)*
Your life is like a ship changing course. Not a motorcycle turning on a dime.
You may feel tempted to fix yourself in one go but that desire for a quick fix is precisely the problem!
The seeking of "better NOW" is precisely what makes people eat crap food, avoid working out, and sleeping terribly. Don't fall for the trap.
If you're lazy and you clean up your diet and start working out and then feel better -- was it the diet or the exercise that helped the most? You don't know because you're basically doing mutivariable calculus on yourself.
And if you feel the need to slack off when you're doing N things, you'll probably slack off the hardest and most annoying one first (which is likely doing you the most good) but because you're still doing the N-1 other things it still feels like improvement.
Don't fool yourself. One variable at a time.
You should be operating on a months scale, minimum. Not weeks.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:36:19 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
This KING really gets it.
ConfidentActuator ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 13:04:12 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
This is true. Think about it this way - if you're a quick dopamine junkie, you can't just go cold turkey on everything with a bunch of new and fairly difficult habits on top. Guess what happens if you do - something's gotta give. You'll get overwhelmed, you'll relapse and get depressed.
Make a long-term plan and do things in succession after you've progressed enough in each and every one.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:07:52 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
That's my exact sentiment. Thanks
thegamezbeplayed ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 13:50:26 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
did you just call weightlifting gimmicky?
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:22 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
thegamezbeplayed ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:54:03 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
how is it gimmicky?
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 14:32:35 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I'm joking. What I meant is that some people think male self improvement MUST consist of cold showers, no pron, fasting, meditation and so on.
IMO , THAT is gimmicky. Otherwise, if you know WHY you're doing something then theres no issue.
Lot's of people do stuff just because they are looking for superpowers or quick change
thegamezbeplayed ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:34:22 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
okay, i was just asking cuz weightlifting is the only non gimmicky one you listed, it does have results withing 2 weeks.
No porn is up there too, but you dont notice the effects. You prolly just save time when your not a coomer
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:47:21 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not saying any of them are bad; I probably used the wrong word (gimmicky)
My point was just that people do them just because they heard it's good.
They all have benefits but they aren't for everybody and it's only best to do them when you really understand the benefits (and only if the practitioner does it properly. Which ever one)
thegamezbeplayed ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:53:05 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
okay but now were back to my point, weightlifting is for every body
If you were to do 1 thing id pick lifitng on a real strength routine over reading, mediating or learning a new language
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:43 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I did weightlifting from age 14 to about 26 and now I don't. I'm just saying it's not NECESSARY
hatethisplanetsomuch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:36:57 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Weightlifting, or training, is NECESSARY for every man on this planet. The body needs to be pushed to its limits.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:04 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
That's why I enjoy cycling 100km at 30km
There are many ways to 'push ones body to the limit'
You see, this is why I mentioned that it's gimmicky (maybe the wrong word)
Some people speak as if weightlifting is the only thing a male can do to strengthen his body or be fit and that's NOT true
hatethisplanetsomuch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:23 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Understand that when this is the only physically demanding thing you list, and call it gimmicky, the message conveyed is that physical activity is gimmicky.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:09 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I think the point is clear, especially because I keep clarifying with these responses. None of these things are bad, doing them for doing thems sake, may end up merely feeling like punishment.
I won't reiterate this again, King. Just ignore that part if it bothers you
thegamezbeplayed ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:09 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Idk why you are acting like you are so wise. What are your accomplishments?
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:00 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Have a great day, King.
If you'd really like to know some of my accomplishments, I can share them. But not to impress you or prove myself worthy of sharing helpful advice.
iu88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:16 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
There's no reason not to do cold showers, and porn is just evil. Fasting is good for you (but hard if you're a fat*ss like me), as is meditation, though that can be boring if you aren't used to doing anything like that.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:32:31 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
porn is evil. I think it's the main people need to stop as that's where most people get their extreme dopamine hits from
Fasting has benefits but is unecessary as food isn't evil. (porn is)
Cold showers have benefits but not necessary as hot showers are not evil (porn is)
I hope you get my point bro. I have done and do most of these things but started like 10 years ago.
A 16 year old trying to live like a monk immediately is basically not helping himself.
My advice is simply to take thing slowly so that it feels more natural instead of like punishment
california_dying ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:54 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
okay subversive.
hatethisplanetsomuch ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:35:24 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Lifting weights makes no pmo easier though. You need an outlet to replace it.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:30:33 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
True. There are many outlets though
supernova383844 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:59 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Like what?
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:15:17 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
cycling long distance, running, wrestling
language learning, book reading, conversing with someone,
playing a board game, playing a video game, programming,
building something with your hands, doing calisthenics
helping the people around you, learning a musical instrument, spending time with a friend or family member
listening to your favourite music, listening to nostalgic music, learning any new skill
Doing pull ups until your back feels like a barndoor, running uphill, practicing yoga
breathing exercises, playing tennis in the park, learning to cook and cooking
supernova383844 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:45 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
To me personally those ones seem like the type that would get myself overwhelmed
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:38 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
you don't have to do all of them, pick one. This list was sent in response to someone that ask for another outlet instead of weightlifting. I'm not sure if that was you.
But obviously, there are many other options
sensual_predditor ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:53:08 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Starting things is one matter
Still doing them in a year is another
Pace yourself people a little is better than nothing
JoebaltBlue ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:00:45 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Some of these likely come naturally with each other. I started lifting and did not think about stopping PMO at the time, but after a couple weeks I didn't even have the desire to PMO again without really having to make the conscious effort about stopping. Fasting I'm not sure about though, as I was pretty skinny when I started and needed to eat a lot to improve muscle mass. It likely depends on the person, but I'm no nutritionist.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:35:43 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Yea you're right bro. My point is just people need to take it a little slow so that they feel and experience true benefits instead of feeling like they are on punishment and then relapsing just to feel some pleasure.
I've seen this cycle so many times and if you look at people that relapse, you will see they started so many things at the same time.
It's like a drug addict trying to become a monk over night
TheGreatThrowingAway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:53 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Great advice king but I'd like to add that meditation (even for 5 mins) greatly helps in NOPMO.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:00 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
It certainly helps, King. I'm just saying people need to take their time. For some people NOPMO is difficult and adding meditation is even more difficult
madenat39 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:41 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
you mention fasting. what sort of fasting do people partake in, intermittent or longer fasts?
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:28:39 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I think people do both but most intermittent
PM_ME_KANGAROO_LEGS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:24 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I think the verse you're looking for is 1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
thirstofmute ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:58 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
thank you for posting this. It is something I have come to realize as well.
SoPittedBro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:07 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Great post, King.
Letterwritingthrow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:00 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I've recently realized I can reasonably try instituting two new habits at once.
Right now I'm going for a daily exercise regimen and no porn. Once I've got these down, I'm going to aim for cold showers and daily prayer. Then I'll tackle nopmo.
So yeah: great advice, king.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:50 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Thats it mane. Like another bro said here, you may notice that some of your new habits have such positive influence that your other habits change as well. Stay focused, king :)
BartholomewsAltarBoy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:50 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh I'm just doing no PMO, reading and prayer. I want to improve on all those things and then get back into my weightlifting routine and other stuff.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:38 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Good job, man
supernova383844 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:56 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Idk, I have to disagree a little bit. As soon as I started nofap I've been reading, meditating, and taking cold showers every day. I just managed to put them into my schedule so perfectly. Every night I take a cold showers, read a chapter out of my book, and meditate for 5 minutes, but I've upped it to 10 to see if I do any better, and then I go to sleep at 9:30-10 and get up at 6:00.
I get how it might be too much for some but this little 'triple threat' routine has worked so well for me, it keeps my mind off of PMOing and keeps me off my phone about an hour before bed. Personally I can't imagine taking this on without having challenges to keep me occupied
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:11:50 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Have you been doing this for years?
Also you can't really disagree just because it doesn't apply to you. That just means it doesnt apply, king.
Lastly, this simply means you aren't taking on too much. Maybe if you were to stack on 5 new habits at once, then you'd understand
supernova383844 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:10 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
True, and no I haven't been doing this for a year, almost a month. My nofap performance leaves a lot to be desired but these new habits I'm picking up have no signs of slowing down.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:18:47 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Thats the point bro, it's only been a month. Stay aware and just take it easy so that 'relapse' doesn't happen
supernova383844 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:45:16 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
For sure, king.
xXTHEMVGXx1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:26 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I'm lost. Can someone explain the cold shower thing?
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:46 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=benefits+of+cold+showers+for+men
xXTHEMVGXx1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:29 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Good stuff, I'm gonna keep this in mind. I take hot showers constantly, my rationale is that the brain finds it harder to think under intense heat, and by getting good at thinking under heat, I'd be even better at thinking without pressure. I do have bad pores and the occasional spell of anxiety though, so I'll check this out.
Also, sorry I didn't just do a quick google search. Laziness on my part.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:20:36 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
It's no problem, bro. Also, as anyone here will tell you, everything is more difficult under icy cold water.
I don't take cold showers unless something is wrong with the boiler then I know I have the strength to take one but I no longer volunteer lol!
xXTHEMVGXx1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:23:54 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Article said something about 30 minutes of exposure, and I take some long showers, so I'll do one once a week, unless I start to enjoy them (I like black coffee and nopmo, so it doesn't seem far off). Thanks for filling me in on this.
SacredCacti ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:02:14 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly those arenโt major changes. You could start all that instantly. Maybe not everyone has to do it but it has been very easy for me as Iโve already been doing those things
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:03:37 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
No they are major changes, just like I indicated. Good for you. You've most likely been doing some of those before
SacredCacti ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:06:13 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh for me the hardest of those are fasting and meditation, fasting because I was anorexic level not too long ago and I gotta eat big, I fear that if I start fasting again I will relapse and lose weight.
Meditation has been difficult because Iโm a busy body, need to be constantly pacing or bouncing my legs. I still gotta work on that
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:12:03 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Then don't fast bro. I used to be a faster also, for like 3 or 4 years. Now I just eat whenever it makes sense.
For you, I'd advice not to fast because of your history and also because it's unnecessary.
Also for you, I'd recommend you start your meditation by ... constantly pacing. But in silence. Go for a walk or run with no music. Meditation doesn't have to be that popular idea of meditation. It's basically just shutting off outside influences and 'looking within'
Again, you don't even have to focus on meditation at all if you are focusing on other more important matters like not smoking or doing anything else addictive
SacredCacti ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:14:41 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought about that. That reminds me of a video where these monks meditate while pacing. Iโll give it a try! Thank you for the advice.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:16:43 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome
GoblinGenetics ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:06:09 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
They are major changes for someone who is deeply depressed and struggles to even get out of bed let alone lift weights
SacredCacti ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:09:39 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Really the only thing thatโs needed to come back from that mental and physical state is to eat healthy and wholesome foods and start working out. Those endorphins and testosterone is no joke . Instant change of mental state just have to make the leap
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:13:34 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
it's still not that easy. Only pride and forgetfullness will make one say that it's easy. It's not and that's why many people experience 'relapse'.
It's not THAT hard but it's also not easy
SacredCacti ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:16:42 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I agree, sorry for close minded ness. I realize that different people are in different situations. Should think before I speak. Maybe for me it wasnโt a big deal and life changing but I can understand that if you are on the other end of the spectrum (overweight) it could be a much for intimidating task
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:35:44 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly bro. We've all had different experiences
GoblinGenetics ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:14:04 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I know, I am in the process of doing this myself, but it was definitely a major change and difficult to do. Fortunately it's been getting easier and easier as time goes on
astrozombie11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:32 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Weโre creatures of vice and habit. On paper you can say that itโs easy to stop eating anything that isnโt a whole food, quit masturbating, exercise daily, take cold showers, etc all at once, but realistically thatโs a lot to take on, especially combined with the normal grid of work and family life. If you can do it, good for you, but thereโs nothing wrong with incremental change.
SacredCacti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:46 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I didnโt know that this was a support group for people that are afflicted by every single vice, I was assuming that people here already embarked on healthy habits. I feel like if you did then all at once it will be easier than incremental change as you will see more result and much faster
Chet_Jameson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:17:09 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
men need sweat blood and tears
women need a makeup kit
AzureJustice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:15 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Very good advice
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:36:56 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks King. I'm not one to give unsolicited advice, but I think this one is really important
otherwise--occupied ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:06 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Posts like this are why I joined this sub. Very cool OP. Keep doing King shit.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:26 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!
Garrick17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:07 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Step by step. I rushed things and fucked up now I'm back at square one
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:16:15 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you understand I wish you good luck that you won't fail again!
bonobo-no ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:37 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm never doing the cold shower thing. All the others are good.
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:24 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Smart lad. Theres no need to force habits unless we really need their benefits
empatheticapathetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:09 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
Good advice but could have been worded better.
antonismar2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:44:33 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
hot showers have benefits as well
๐๏ธ SteinSteenStern ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:46:35 on May 28, 2020 ยท (Permalink)
everything has advantages and disadvantages/ benefits and detriments