15 years from now, someone will post a picture captioned "Suddenly: Cranes!"

Ah, the long con.

I had to struggle to keep my laughter in the silent zone after reading this. Thank you for that awesome visual.

I love hiding things in ceiling panels! At my last job almost every time I was in the break room I wrote a message and stuffed it up in the ceiling. I started putting newspaper and other random crap up there too.

On a similar note, one time I had a hole in my wall and before patching it up I wrote a message and stuffed it in there with a newspaper.

That is AWESOME. I know people who hide shit (mostly alcohol) up there so if someone were to lift up the panels, BAM! Onslaught of paper birds IN THE FACE.

I like.

This is fantastic! Can you estimate how many you have put up there?

Best one.

how many do you estimate are up there now?

I think you mean, when the panels eventually need to be moved so someone can hide their drugs, which will be far more likely to happen before it's time for the panels to be replaced.

I worked at a collectibles shop a long time ago with my buddy -- we managed all the comic books. Whenever we would come across a shitty comic (shitty defined by the content or the condition or both), we would push up one of those ceiling panels and toss it up there. When I left (moved out of state), the ceiling was sagging to the point where one more would probably have brought the whole thing down.

You know, a better use of them would be to deliver 1000 to a Japanese kid in hospital.

Don't mean to be a Debby downer but that can be a fire hazard.

I do the same thing except with bodies.

If you throw them into a pool, it'll take a matress to get them out again.

I thought this was going to be a Blade Runner reference. Still awesome though.

You should steal cutlery out of the cafeteria and throw that up in there too.

took me a while to realize that you were not talking about paper these

haha that is awesome

"State your name please."

"Osama bin Laden"

I think these policymakers need a review class in probability and statistics...

"Please state your name and business."

"Mahatma Gandhi and dietary consultant"

Art Vandelay

If ever something goes down in the building and they can figure out who everyone was but you, you get the added bonus of seeing your face in the news!

It was like that before 9/11 also.

When buying drugs (these may be for recreational purposes or not) at the pharmacy I always give a false name/id number*/address when they ask. It's not their business to know this and also coupled with the medication i take...

Also, even worse, where I live now every convenience store/supermarket asks for your Id number (*where I live there's something like that), your name AND your address. fuck that. I give them false names addresses and id numbers. It's even less their business knowing this than a pharmacy.

What why? Is this to check you aren't a plane on a collision course?

I can see the front page news now: Nathaniel Bacon charged in plot to take down Radio City Music Hall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0HlLqilGcM&feature=player_detailpage#t=92s

You should do this.

Try porn stars next.

"State your name and occupation."
"Peter North, face froster."

When I was a courier there was a building that required you to sing in at reception, before going on to another floor to deliver the package and get the signature for the package there.

I habitually signed in to this building using various plain aliases, but finally got tired of this one time and signed in as Bill Shitname.

When I came back from the elevator there were two big security guards waiting for me. I never did it again.

I had no fear of the big security guards themselves, but of getting the sack for it.

Meanwhile the government has been building a file of your aliases and is tracking your every move waiting for the slightest hint of an opportunity to out you as a terrorist.

same here, L.L. Bean really gets around

LOL that's fucking risky with the crazy ass government you've got. Wouldn't be surprised if you get arrested one day.

I often just write my first name in childish handwriting. Sometimes I'll put an exclamation point at the end.

It's particularly entertaining when the receipt comes out with an image imprint of the signature on it and the cashier flashes me a ಠ_ಠ look as he/she hands me the receipt.

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I've found that I can just take my fingers and brush them across the screen, and it registers as a signature. I save 10 seconds every grocery trip, and have never felt better.

I sign everything that way because that's what my signature looks like

My CC signature is 'Void'

Relevant: How crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice?

I drew simple pictures for several weeks until one day I was at Crate and Barrel where they can see your signature on their screen. After watching me draw stick-cat, she then requested photo ID. I've since considered signing the back of my credit cards with a poorly drawn cat and just making it my thing.

I usually draw big dicks on the signature line, until I found out that the signature shows up on the screen for the cashiers at best buy. Now I draw 2.

I have a friend that attempts to color in the entire screen whenever he has to sign his name. A grown ass man, vigorously scribbling on that little pad gets some interesting looks.

I have signed all my credit slips, electronic and outherwise, with a vague meaningless scribble for so longs that I am not sure I remember how to sign my name properly in currsive anymore.

I sign with the names of candy bars.

Sometimes I'm Mr Resse, sometimes I'm Charles P. Chew and other times I'm Sir Snickers.

EDIT: My wife hates when i do this and swears it will get me arrested for CC fraud.

My girlfriend doesn't even spring for the squiggle but merely puts a rebellious horizontal line.

I have been drawing more and more elaborate pictures. I used to just draw a dick but last week I actually tried to draw a picture of my cashiers face

I skip the meaningless part and try to put something in that is relevant but silly.

• Fast Food = I Like Tacos
• Gas station / Convenience store = I have gas
• Book store = I Kan Reed!
• With girlfriend = I Love ____!

Just kidding about the girlfriend... she only takes cash and the bouncer makes me stay away from the stage :(

Stick figure cartoons are my favorite signature.

sometimes I draw mickey mouse. I've gotten really fast at it.

I sometimes draw a stick figure on those.

no one has every caught me or said anything.

knew a feller, signed wid a smile-face.

me kebard is le broken.

A couple years ago I was drunk at Wal-Mart and signed with a penis picture.

Something with the transaction went wrong and the cashier looked at it; she laughed. I wish I had saved that reciept.

I literally don't have a signature. I know, joke's on me, but oh well.

Often if I'm in a rush I'll just sign my name with an X.

I do this when shopping at Kroger and I go through the self check out lane. It's squiggles or some times I just write random words.

I almost always sign Hughe Hefner, if people ever check it they give me a WTF look.

I sign them with famous names. I've used Lady Gaga, Angelina Jolie, Santa Clause, Jack Frost, Alice in Wonderland, Ishmael... whatever comes to mind.

I try to fill the entire box up with 'ink'.

Only once has this led to an argument where they demanded ID.

Mine looks like a squiggle, but I actually designed 10 distinctive but random looking features into it for security purposes. No one has been able to reproduce it correctly.

I sign everything with a vague, meaningless squiggle. My debit card doesn't even have a signature on it. I may be upgrading to smiley faces or even elaborate drawings in the near future, as time-consuming as they may be.

used to bag groceries at a QFC and there was a blind guy ( regular customer ) who would always sign his credit card receipt with "Richard Nixon"

Upvote for the genius "vague, meaningless squiggle".

Haha I do that or draw a smiley when I'm mad at the cashier or something. Although once one lady erased it told me to sign again.

Reminds me of the zug credit card prank: http://www.zug.com/pranks/credit/

(there's also a part II which is equally funny)

I once got into a fight at best buy over this. The bitch of a cashier didn't like my signature. I told her to shove it.

I also do this on paper receipts too. Sometimes I draw a winking smiley face, other times I write HI THERE.

I rarely sign any credit card receipt with my real signature. A lot of "The Baby Jesus" or "Bill Gates". I've never received a complaint.

This is fine. Any mark you intend to be used as your signature is your signature. You can sign with a name, an X, a squiggle, a drawing of a cock and balls, or someone else's name. If you forge someone else's name on a contract and this is later discovered, the contract can be enforced as though you had signed it because you used the other person's name as your signature.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_constitutes_a_legal_signature

Signature is defined in US Code Title 1, Chapter 1, Section 1: "“signature” or “subscription” includes a mark when the person making the same intended it as such;"

Your act of rebellion is entirely anticipated and allowed under the law. Time to start setting shit on fire, I guess.

I sign everything with a vague, meaningless squiggle. I've only been asked to re-sign once a long time ago, the older I get it seems the more credible I appear.

I have a friend who likes to sign "Sam Walton" or "Jesus" at Wal-Mart.

I always sign as "help I'm kidnapped!" going on 6 years now.

I like to sign my name backwards, but I only do it about ten percent of the time.

I also once let my daughter sign the CC scanner, but the system rejected her signature and I ended up trying to explain to a 75y/o Wal-mart cashier that I let her do it "Just because..."

thanks to zug.com, I haven't signed my own name on a paper credit card receipt once in the past 7 years. Mariah Carey will often cover my bill. I am male. Not once has anyone ever questioned my signature. :)

vague, meaningless squiggle

That's basically my normal signature.

I've been signing my credit card receipts/electronic signing thing as Nicko McBrain for several years. No one has ever said a word about it.

Sometimes I draw stick figures having sex or a dick with wings with a little cowboy riding it... if you draw it a little messy they don't know what they have seen.

i like to sign my name as "poop" or "pEnis". I'm secretly hoping someone sees this at the cc company and it brightens their day.

*edited to capitalize E in penis

I finally just started putting an "X"

That was months ago. No one has ever said anything.

Ditto. Sometimes I like to get creative and write math problems. Used to sign as Bob Dole quite a bit...that was the only one that actually got anyone to notice...a cashier at Wal-Mart had to get a CSR to come over and ask for my ID.

I sign as Count Chocula

I once got yelled out by a cashier for not staying within the stupid box on the electronic pad. She made me redo it couple before giving up... In my defense, I really did try, but those things are just retarded.

I know someone who, for years, signed credit card slips and the electronic scanners with, "Batman."

I sign Rick James

I find it hard not to do this!

I sign it as "Tits McGee" I got married last year and I can sign Tits McGee quickly and more fluently than my new name. :)

i sign for packages as 'batman'

I always use fictional character or famous people from history, usually I go with "king kong" or "black beard" though

Yep, I scribble like half-assed coloring something in. I get looks.

One of my family members signs with celebrity names.

X

I haven't signed the backs of my cards, or my real signature on receipts for quite some time now.

I do the nike swoosh.

You still have that in the US? I cannot imagine how irritating it must be every time... chip and pin is not only more secure but also much faster.

i try to draw a crocodile. Mostly it looks like a spastic duck.

I draw boobs, or an X if I forget to draw boobs.

That's what happens to me no matter what I'm trying to write.

I do it with my finger. I don't even bother picking up the pen.

If they're lucky, they get more than just a straight line.

i usually draw a penis, and then if it prints on the receipt the person handing it to me looks uncomfortable.

I actually got called out for doing this a couple month's ago while signing for a pass at Scott Air Force Base. They made me print my name on the thing instead. :|

I sign them "Darth Vader", in cursive, like I'm used to writing it all the time

nice! I usually sign w/ a star. I started doing this because nobody asks to see the back of your card and your id, so for kicks I sign a star. really funny the number of times people say, "haha, you signed it with a star!" idiots. thanks for the free merch.

I do pac-man

I draw dongs

I've signed as 007 for the last two years. I've gotten a lot of fucked up looks when they see it before, but I have yet to relent.

I always draw a picture of a penis.

I sign them with made up names. Sometimes, celebrity names.

You and everyone else in the developed world.

I draw stick ninjas throwing stick ninja stars.

The joke though is you wouldn't see the stick ninja until he stick stealth killed you.

Stick.

Admit it, it reads like "dick" after repeating it so many times.

I know someone that always signed it "Donald Duck"

I do that for electronic checks at Walmart. Today, I signed with "Hi!"

I draw a penis on them

I let my daughter draw pictures. After years of doing this, not one cashier has ever said she couldn't.

Did you know there was a limit to how much you can put on there?

I write poop.

I sign everything with that. Someone once tried to tell me that it was illegal. I then signed an X.

I do this as well, but mostly so that if my credit card gets stolen I can use the signature on false purchases to figure out if it was from a machine. ...Now that I think of it, I don't know if that actually matters. Blast.

I recycle birthday cards. I just cross out what the previous person wrote and write my own message. Also, when I go to Las Vegas I collect all of the porn newspapers that they hand out and use it as wrapping paper.

REGIFTER!

I would not mind receiving a recycled present, especially if it's something I really want and the gifter wasn't going to be using it, anyway.

If it's a fruitcake though, fuck you. :)

So you only give gifts once a year?

Bernie Madoff?

Gift cards own for this. You can either give the card, or buy something with it if you're unsure whether or not you got the card from the person you're shopping for.

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My mother in law is the world champion of re-gifting.

She once got a fancy ceramic serving bowl from someone. She didn't like the look of it, so she never opened the box, just wrapped it up again and gave it to someone else for their birthday a few months later.

Recipient called her the next day confused. Turns out the original gifters had opened it, filled it with nuts and dried fruit, then put it back in the original box before wrapping and giving to my mother in law.

Surprise! I got you... a bowl of festy mould!

THIS! Something about me apparently screams 'scented candles'.

This one is amazing. What happens when you get a really good gift you can't bear to give away?

Ya know, I'm always happy when I find that change, but now that I see what you're doing there, I think I'll do it too.

Good idea.

A couple weeks ago in an airport my 5 year old daughter walked up to a huge potted plant. Inside was a small handful of penny's ... She was delighted to say the least.

Thank you, while I'm sure our paths have never crossed you most assuredly have made some kids day.

When I get just a penny or two in change (happens more than you'd think) I discreetly throw it somewhere nearby in the hopes someone else will find it and have good luck.

I throw my change under the vending machine. That's where I look when I'm 5c short.

Brilliant! I'm definitely stealing this idea.

When someone finds that 15 cents it probably makes them much happier than it would make me if I took it.

You just rocked my world

If there's change in the machine, I assume something was done to those coins. Ass pennies.

My four year old self would like to thank you, i always ran around checking vending machines for change.

when i find change in vending machines the world doesn't seem like such a bad place

When my brother and I were little we would always race each other to pay phones and vending machines looking for change. Every so often we'd get lucky and it would make our day. You sir are my hero!

Look at you Greg Kinnear throwing your money around

How defiant of you!

I was stranded at the airport in Paris with no money once, people like you meant I could afford a cheeseburger.

I don't do it, but for a very different reason. I read a long time ago (probably on reddit, now that I think of it...) that fucked up people put contaminated needles/syringes facing outwards in the change slot. No idea if this is true, but urban legends usually have some truth behind them.

Me too, if I have 5p credit on the machine at work I'll just leave it. I've often gone to the machine to fine 10p or 5p in credit when I needed it to upgrade my snack.

I put pennies into the change trays of vending machines for the opposite reason.

That's one of the greatest ideas I've ever come across. To be honest I feel ashamed I haven't made a habit of this in the past.

Thanks. When I was a kid this is how I paid for all my candy.

I've read stories of people taking the "Business Reply Mail" thing that they send with them and filling it with junk mail, then sending it back to them. Good way to get rid of junk mail, I suppose.

LOL, I want to try this now in the US.

Whenever I order stuff for work (IT for a hospital), They ask me what name I should put for the person it is shipped too. I always put my boss, which is what I'm supposed to do. But when they ask for a secondary name, I have them write down Megatron. Usually they are happy to do it.

Are you sure? That is fantastic!

I'm confused - those usually have the address already printed on them also. Doesn't it get sent to the company that sent you the envelope? How does it come back to you?

This is brilliant. I must start doing this.

I've heard that you can tape the envelopes onto a brick or some other object and they will be scanned and billed back to the company.

I'd feel bad for the mail carrier, but damn I hate junk mail.

I think I have gotten the same credit card application 50 or 60 times in various versions, even though I recycle all of them. I get one for a Marriott Rewards card twice a week, no joke. Insane.

This is why those envelopes have tracking codes now. I think they only press charges when you put broken glass and bloody razor blades in them, though.

I'm in the US and do this all the time. I took a large box and filled it with a bunch of scrap/junk we had in our basement. Box weighed 18 lbs (weighed it). Stuck a note inside saying "I no longer wish to receive your credit card offers but if you'd like more items like this feel free to continue mailing them to me". It must've cost them a fortune to pay for shipping on it.

tl:dr - Use "prepaid envelopes from credit card envelopes to mail heavy packages of junk back to the company on their dime.

Print out 30 of these. Each time you get an offer, slip one of these into the business reply envelope and mail it of. I haven't gotten an offer in 4 years since doing this:

Please stop sending me your offers. I am not interested - should I become interested in the future, I will contact you.

Please permanently remove me from your mailing list and do not contact me again for any reason whatsoever.

I grant you the right to retain my personal information for as long as it takes you to honor this request. I do not permit you to share or store my personal information in any way that is not for the purpose of honoring this request.

My name and address is as follows:

Name, address, etc.

Signature

I am slowly taking down citibank with every letter.

I have a BOfA credit card that I leave a $1.50 credit balance on, due to them rebating one of their bullshit fees (twice) after I complained about it. They never noticed their own mistake. I don't plan on using the card again, and if they ever close the account it will force them to mail me a check.

Wait, .25 cents? As in, a quarter of a cent?

They probably negotiate bulk mailing prices through a special contract with the USPS. I doubt you are hurting them for the price of a retail stamp.

My roommate did this with Sallie Mae.

He paid down the principal on his student loan to the last few dollars. Now, he allegedly has no payments due until the end of the term of the loan, and Sallie Mae has to maintain his account until then.

Careful, a lot of banks will charge a fee for an account, even savings or checkings that doesn't have any activity in it.

and contributing to the deforestation of the amazon

I have a student loan which I took out with 0% interest 3 years ago. I never ended up needing the money so it has sat in various accounts earning me an average of probably 3.5% interest. When I finally graduated they sent me a thing in the mail telling me how I can begin making payments, but that I still don't have to pay anything and won't accrue any interest for 6 more months. Normally I would have simply paid it off immediately, except Bank of America bought the loan from the original institution. Now I'm just sitting on the money so they can't have it.

Apparantley, if 1 in 33 people take all their money out of a bank, the bank will collapse.....

edit: It was on a BBC program about the banking industry a few weeks ago. The banks are supposed to keep 8% or so of your money at all times, when in reality they keep less than 1%.

Be careful -- ask them if they have an inactive account fee. After a year, some will charge you $10 if your account is inactive.

Happened to my sister when she moved away... just letting you know so you don't find yourself in the same spot she did =P

I hope you're recycling the statements! Kudos for taking down Citibank one letter at a time, but that's a lot of paper.

or, you could save the environment by NOT having your bank send you a pointless account letter every month:

• paper

• ink

• manufacturing of the above

• fuel for getting all of it transported around the globe and eventually to you

• whatever else I'm forgetting

just sayin'. shit ain't gonna last forever.

It's guys like you that make life worthwhile. I wholeheartedly approve.

I have one with Chase.

I once got, 2 months after graduation, a bill from my college for $0.10. Being an asshole, I noted that they had spent over 4 times that much just to mail the bill. Solution? Mail them a quarter, and ask that they send back my change.

Problem?

And you're taking down trees with every letter, too.

BTW, Citibank just recovers costs like this with higher fees elsewhere. Your silent protest accomplishes nothing.

I do something similar - I mail back the return envelopes with ~1c washers so they get charged for the postage and the extra weight.

yes!..my insurance company wouldn't fully pay for a routine blood test I got sent me a bill for 2.63. I paid it last month after a year of letters and calls

we have to celebrate the small victories

A lot of banks are starting to get rid of free checking accounts (i.e. no minimum balance).

So just make sure to check any notices you get or else you could end up owing them money for insufficient funds.

Bank of America did that to me. I called and even went to the bank in person and they still said they couldn't help me. So I tried their "Twitter support" and all of a sudden the fees were reversed. Bastards.

If you have a fireplace or wood stove, I hear you can heat your house that way.

I did the equivalent of this with a CapitalOne credit card.

I had a crappy credit limit (student) and they charged me an over-the-limit fee once. I paid the balance and the fee and swore on the blood of my ancestors that I would have vengeance.

Every few months, I would find a less-than-$1 item (e.g., a pack of gum) and charge it. I'd pay the balance at the end of the month. Then I would wait, always being sure to charge something before they canceled my account due to inactivity.

I did this for over a decade.

No , you are just removing the Amazon rain forest from the map. Seriously dude, I hate Citi as much as you do - but think of something else.

I love this premise very much.

$0.11 in my Citibank student account (aka no fees). It hasn't been active for 8 years or so. Statements keep coming.

them and the trees.

hows this possible? THey charge a 10 dollar service fee now. So if you are telling the truth you are losing 10 dollars a month. I think you are only charged if you dont meet their minimum balance requirement.

Ah, I'm doing this with PNC bank.. I stopped using the account 5 years ago when I was in college after my total dropped to 23 cents. They've still send me monthly statements.

I have the same kind of account but with Edward jones.

I have one at Chase with 1 cent in it. Suck it bitches.

Relevant

And the rain forests of South America.

I have one with .06 cents. So, yeah.

Are you my doppleganger?

Sprint owes me $4.50, and they send me a letter every month to remind me. I refuse to call them and sort it out.

please don't, i have stock in them

I've done this same thing with Wells Fargo for 9 years now. I got hit with a late charge after signing up for overdraft protection and I assured them I don't need the 25 bucks back, but I'll be DAMNED if they got to keep it.

I have an account from when i lived in England from HSBC, there is one pence in the account. Every three months they send me a balance, to bad i live in Australia. We will get these banks!

yeah! FUCK YOU PINE TREES!

I did the same thing with HSBC. But they send me a whole bunch of letters (at least one a week). Also I like to call their customer service department and pretend to be incredibly dumb so I tie up their reps for an hour at a time.

hmmm makes me think of this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hundredth_monkey_effect

Tip from a guy who used to restock mini-bars...sometimes you can drink clear booze like rum/vodka and refill with water. The condensation in the bottle will give it away. Chances are the mini bar attendant hates hi job and is underpaid and will never notice!

Also pringles were easily the most consumed minibar item at the hotel I worked at.

Also also at the hotel I worked at...maybe 25 per cent of the mini bars could be opened without breaking off the tab. The more you know...star wipe

Sadly they started putting in sensors that charge you if you just move something in the mini-fridge.

I stayed at a hotel recently that had pressure sensors under the minibar items. If you moved one, you got charged. Pretty sure it's precisely to avoid what you're suggesting.

Sorry bro but unless you did this years ago I call bullshit.

99% of mini-bars are weight censored now. The second you pick it up it charges you- even if you put it back with something of equal weight.

Fancy hotels put their minibar snacks on weights and will automatically charge you if the item's been lifted off the weight for 30 seconds (unless you manage to Indiana Jones it). The newer hotels in Vegas do this.

[deleted]

Well played.

Another trick. Grab a Coke can. Punch a hole in the bottom of it. Pour contents into a glass. Put the unopened can back. Free Coke!!

Upvotes for you good sir.

I haven't seen it either. We should form a club.

Same here! I don't need to waste my time with that movie, the damn thing sinks and everyone knows it.

Have an upboat for the fact we've never seen the boat go down...

That's me, but with Avatar. Hope you like eating beans, Mr. Cameron!

Sadly before the movie came out on VHS in the US, I obtained a VCD of the movie from China and I used my V-Doctor (Nintendo 64 rom loader) that was also a VCD player to make copies of Titanic to VHS and sell them to people for $40 bucks a pop. I probably made about 200 copies, but every time I made a copy I had to do it in real time, meaning I had to play the movie while it recorded. I have probably seen the movie 50+ times because of that. I made a lot of money off Titanic but I am not sure if it was worth the unforeseen pain.

You, sir, are the King of the World.

Similarly, I refuse to sit through an entire showing of any Star Wars episodes.

I refuse to watch Lord of The Rings. Consequently, I don't understand LOTR references. Which is fine with me.

I still haven't seen it either. This offended an acquaintance of mine so much that he gave me a DVD of it about six years ago. I own a copy of Titanic, and still have not watched it.

Never saw Avatar, never will, not my husband or my three kids. Suck on that James Cameron.

Yes! I haven't seen Titanic OR Avatar, and I never will. Suck it, Hollywood!

I haven't seen I N C E P T I O N despite there being lots of jokes about it on reddit.

I'll never watch avatar.

ditto. It was the hype that killed it for me.

Never saw "Avatar", never will. Suck it James Cameron!!!

Wait, there's a movie?

Me too. I managed to do the same with forest gump until I went to college.

I haven't seen the Wizard of Oz. Never got around to it, now it's a thing.

I'm glad I saw Titanic, because even though I didn't care for it it still works as a mental bookmark for the point where I stopped liking James Cameron's movies and started liking DiCaprio's acting.

I have, but only in 2008, and then on YouTube

If James Cameron had received that extra 50 cents, he would have had the cash necessary to put in the one extra lens flare in Avatar that would make it good.

There's two of us!

Same here, I know how it ends, the boat sinks! What's the point of wasting 3 hours for that to happen.

Same with me, except it's the Godfather. Not that I think it'll be bad or anything, I just don't like when people tell me to do (watch) things.

Same here, high five! I especially like it when people are talking about it and they ask me if I liked it or something and I get to say "Never seen it, never will." to the which they usually answer "WHAT? I saw it like 5 times!". :P

I also do that with Avatar, now that I think about it...

I never had any intention of ever seeing that movie... until my dad bought it for me for Christmas one year.

You're actually missing out big time.

You really should watch it, its a great movie.

I do the same for the Harry Potter and Twilight series.

Just torrent it? It's a good movie.

I have never seen Star Wars. I'm an aerospace engineer. I never had a good reason for not watching it until I got to college and realized how this simple fact would make the other nerds' heads explode.

When I was in high school that meant you were saying 'I love you' to the recipient, but this was in the U.S. so no monarchy.

When I used to use stamps, I did this as a fuck you to the post office

I invert flag stamps because it's a maritime signal of distress. Distress Signal Flags

That's fun, in my country it means "fuck you" for the recipient.

You know in the UK that is still considered treason?

My friend's Dad used to leave the envelopes of received letters on the dash board of his car. In a short time, the sun would bleach away the post mark. He would then soak the stamp off and reuse it with a touch of Elmer's Glue.

That isn't unseen

i was always told that doing that means you are attracted to the recipient....so i am careful not to, despite my desire to rebel against the monarchy.

Rebelling against something that has no power?

put them just a little below the spot where they are usually canceled. That way they dont get canceled & whoever receives the letter can reuse the stamp. When i get one... its like finding a quarter on the ground. Makes my day.

I draw an awesome face in the top right corner before placing the stamp.

That's technically treason.

His letters wont get delivered, especially in the UK.

In Soviet Russia, stamp stick you.

This is perhaps much funnier to me than it should be

I like to stare at them and whisper "stop it right now" they usually run to their parents at that point and I smile and say what a cute child. parent looks away, I stare atthe kid and mouth "stop"

This is beautiful. I am very pleased with your existence.

As a cashier in a supermarket, I have to listen to those noisy brats all day. I thank you. Although, can I ask you to go one step further next time, and proceed to defecate in the shopping cart of the mother/father of the child?

It's almost 4am and this one made me let out an unexpected guffaw of laughter that probably just woke all my housemates up.

I wait for the chance to do this virtually every time I leave the house.

You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar

When I was 4 or 5 years old, I remember farting in my little 2 or 3 year old cousin's face on New Years Eve.

His immediate reaction was "Ew ew ew!" while swiping at the air in front of his face.

Why did I do it? I was fucking 4 or 5 years old!

While /i'm not stupid and can understand folks finding this stuff funny, to me it's one of the most disrespectful things you can do to another person, just as bad as spitting in their face. I wouldn't be surprised if it could be labeled as assault. It's happened to me a few times, and the result has always come to immediate blows.

I find farts funny, especially in awkward situations, but farting in someone's face shows a complete lack of class, and you forfeit any right to any kind of respect at all.

Tall people FTW. I work in retail and some fridays the store gets filled with loud teenagers checking facebook and i just walk by and let a silent, steamy one out.

Reading these from bed, I was doing a fine job at not waking up my SO sleeping next to me, at least until this one.

This. Is. Genius.

When morons think that the way people should behave in public places is exactly the way they want them to, I casually punch them in the face.

Even better:

Reserve this for the worst entities possible. Get a fax machine with an auto-feed. Put it on a coffee table or something. Then, tape several sheets of black paper together. Feed them through the machine and tape them in a great big loop. The machine just keeps faxing and faxing. Drains their cartridge dry.

What if no one I hate still lives in the 1980s?

I work for a printing company and the machines we make are set to detect anything over a certain amount of black on a paper for this very reason (I assume)

"What? That one didn't come through correctly either. Darn. Let me try it again."

Nice try, printer/toner company rep.

Oh no! You just created a large PDF that I'll have to erase from the incoming fax folder--what an inconvenience!

You're a sick, sick man

and hope that the document steals their bike

If you do it just right, sometimes the paper will get so ink saturated it'll fall to bits and get gunked up in their system!

Faxes do not use ink, they use thermal paper which darkens as a hot needle-like thing approaches it. Only the paper costs more, not the darkness of the transfer.

Sometimes I put "RAMIREZ" at the start of my functions.

RAMIREZ_update_that_user()

[deleted]

I leave extremely unprofessional production code.

The president of my company one day received a call from a customer who informed him that our system was displaying "Your IRIG is fucked".

I came across an old CSR system a few months ago where the page security section checked to see if Session["bueno"] = "yes".. it's not a comment, but, WTF?

(example) //Saves cookie when some asshole is so inclined to actually click "remember me"

//and come back to this piece of shit website. It IS a piece of shit. Fuck you. Sig Heil.

// Note: remember to bring home two sheafs of paper from the supply cabinet.

Part of a driver program's initialization that has been running in production for 5 years now has the following:

LogToScreen( "       MAIN SCREEN TURN ON..." );

I always loved the error messages you could get in Mac System 6 and 7...

"This should never happen. Contact George at x3-4817."

I can't find any references online to these messages, but I know they were in there, in at least some places, as late as Mac OS 8, and probably there were at least a few in 9 as well.

I web developer I used to work with would use special little easter eggs in his websites. He's IDed code as "pollo_verde", coded an entire website's CSS in the form of a burger (header = sesame_seed_bun... callout buttons = lettuce, tomatoes, pickles... nav = cheese_clices... content = all_beef_patty... etc, etc, etc.), and I helped him code out a website's menu using Shrek characters. I guess it's less defiant as it is humorous but still.

I did this sort of thing at my first job, a work-study through college. My boss noticed it and while he was usually up for a joke, he had me change it because it was in CSS code and really, someone could have seen it fairly easily. I think it was a curse word; don't remember the details.

Unfortunately, I did a bad find-and-replace that fucked up some other stuff. I was still finding those things a couple of years later.... Learned my lesson, though, and that's what work-study is for!

echo $y_u_no_work;

line 142: #goodbye

I don't comment production code.

I got burned for something similar.

In a database connection failure statement on a website script, I echo'ed out "database died assholes" to the web browser. When the DB died one day, and the DBA noticed my message, he sent a scathing email about the inappropriateness of it to the executive staff.

Thankfully no real punishment happened, but I was forced to remove all bad comments / echo statements from a bunch of code; which was essentially searching for bad words.

I do that with my svn commit messages.

"JIRA-3394 - Puts the milk back in the fridge"

One of our applications basically says...

if X <= 0 do this
else if X > 0 do this
else display "Only a giant miniature space hamster could get here."

Hell, I swear like a sailor in my commit messages.

You are not nearly as defiant as those who leave no comments.

I do that a la "Oh Arschlock! MySQL farked up again!", and fun commit messages like "I was stupid, had to fix it"

There's about a half page of comments in our production code complaining about how shitty java is and how it would have been easier to do the same thing in c++.

if($ICanHazError==true) ... lol

catch(Exception ex) { //OM NOM NOM NOM }

I always click send on that ancient XP box I have to care for at work. I bet they're still interested in my reports on how XP is doing.

End Now.

End Now.

END NOW.

click click click click click click click click click

I usually send these error messages because I figure it would improve my experience later on. If they get enough error messages, they'll fix it right? And even if they don't, it takes only a few seconds and it's not like my computer can't multitask.

Control Panel → System Properties → Adavanced → Error Reporting → Disable Error Reporting

Do people actually send those?

Sometimes I reproduce the error over and over, when I knew it can be fixed with a simple reinstall just to remind them its broken and I don't wanna fix it.

I used to send Microsoft error reports from my CS homework projects when they'd crash.

You fucking asshole it takes less than 1 minute.

There's a setting to prevent that window from showing up.

haha those 3x too small gf socks are life savers sometimes

my socks always match because they are all the same kind.

i love hospital socks. whenever i am in the hospital i wait till i'm alone and steal all the socks i can get my hands on.

Do you never sit down? or do you only wear boots?

I do this too! But I'm a girl with a love a cute socks, so it is quite obvious that my socks never, ever, even remotely match.

I never match my socks up. Seems like a waste of time to me. I do the same in the summer when wearing shorts and I haven't been shot yet. Maybe people have better things to do with their lives than worry about one guy wearing odd socks.

I rarely wear matching socks. I have a striped one and a white one on right now. I really don't care if anyone sees either. They're lucky i show up wearing shoes, half the time I walk to my car barefoot and put my shoes on in the parking lot.

My daughters to this day won't wear matching socks. I am not the most fashion-forward mom, and when they were little I'd dress them in good warm clothes with socks and practical shoes. The socks never matched because it didn't matter to me. Well, when they visited their grandma's house she started clucking about the mismatched socks and the practical shoes, and it must have really gotten to them. They stood up to her and claimed it was a family tradition, and besides "mom does it that way."

Lo and behold, an actual "tradition" was born. They are 21, 19 and 12 now, and the socks don't match. Ever. Something like a clan totem, I suppose.

Girl socks are the best. They're so thin and non visible.

my boyfriend and i melded our sock collections together. sometimes he wears the socks i bought a while back with the pink toes and heels. it's awesome.

I rarely wear socks.

You need these. They come in sets of three and intentionally don't match. Awesome.

Upvote for hospital socks. Wore those when I was homeless.

If my socks match my clothes on any given day, it's probably by coincidence. I wear whatever knee socks make me happy that day. I have lots.

Mine almost never match, I don't pair them up after washing, and just grab the first 2 I find in the morning. It's usually a nice surprise when I grab a matching pair.

I have 3x too small gf socks from two different girls, sometimes I wear them at the same time. It makes me feel like a winner!

Similar to this, I wear superman socks to work.

My gf got mad because i stretched out like every pair of her socks :/.

And I thought I was the only one who did this! When I do laundry, I do all the socks and underwear in the same load, then just dump em in the drawer. No one's going to see them, so who cares if they are matched or wrinkled? Saves time folding clothes.

And I thought I was the only one who did this! When I do laundry, I do all the socks and underwear in the same load, then just dump em in the drawer. No one's going to see them, so who cares if they are matched or wrinkled? Saves time folding clothes.

Same. I've since decided to only buy white socks, but the grey ones haven't worn out yet and there are always slight variations anyway. I just grab the first two socks I see in the laundry pile.

Matching socks is for the weak.

i always steal my girlfriends socks. they're so short. even ankle-socks aren't that short. female sock secrets!

If I wore my gf socks they'd barely cover my toes.

I do this :/ However I'd heard some great advice: Buy 10 pairs of the one type of sock! Then you never have to mismatch them again.

I go only by thickness

I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love ...

I always do this in Guitar hero, and my buddies join in. Sounds pretty funny when someone is singing and all of a sudden everyone drops an F-bomb.

I refuse to sing along with the edited version of Cee-Lo that gets played on the radio. It's no fun as "Forget You."

Tourettes has nothing to do with swear words.

Reddit has gotten past the schizoprehnia = multiple personalities thing, now let's get past the idea that tourettes = swearing.

related....

You should record yourself and edit your curses into the censored versions and then make a friend a mix-cd of solely these songs.

Censored words in songs? Can you elaborate on that? Is it like that disturbing "beep" I've seen in some American TV videos?

If you ever get the chance... do this with "Rollin'" from limp bizkit.

Ditto, and I tend to install amplifiers and subwoofers as well - and not listen to censored tracks. I confess, I turn the volume way up.

Later today, I'll tune my amplifiers better to reproduce more of the low-to-mid-range frequencies and go for another drive :)

Just remember not to do it with your iPod in public...