One time I saw watermelons at the store in a big box labeled "19 cents." I (stupidly) thought this meant the watermelons were 19 cents each. I put eight in my cart.
Imagine my surprise, then, when the cashier rang up my watermelons for thirty-some odd dollars. Baffled, I just stared at him and realized it was nineteen cents PER POUND.
I was too awkward and embarrassed to tell the cashier I misunderstood or changed my mind, so I just accepted my watermelony fate. I ate watermelon for breakfast and lunch and dinner. I made watermelon margaritas and watermelon sorbet. There isn't a watermelon recipe on Pinterest I didn't consider.
It was halfway through the watermelon fiasco, after complaining about the stupid watermelon for days, that I realized that even if they HAD been only nineteen cents ... I still bought too many goddamn watermelons
So you're the guy in our math textbook... "fourfrenchfries buys eight watermelons. He eats a quarter watermelon for breakfast, half a watermelon for lunch, and one-third of a watermelon for breakfast. He then uses 2 2/3 of a watermelon to prepare margaritas and sorbet. How many watermelons does he have now?"
I've been reading through this thread for a couple of hours and have read some horrible, cringeworthy, disgusting things. But this is my favourite by far. Just the idea of someone defiantly buying such a large quantity of watermelons out of sheer pride. Thanks!
I just wanted to let you know that I also did this once. But with one watermelon. I thought it was like, cheap af and I didn't buy 8 but I went to buy 2 and they were actually like $9 EACH. So I was like "OH............. Sorry, I don't want them...." and did a shame walk. So, I guess I didn't totally do what you did, but I thought for sure that at least one other person would have commented saying they at least made this error on the $/lb thing, and no one did. So, have a sliver of comfort.
fitzij ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:32:54 on October 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of giant watermelons do you have? 30 dollars for 8 watermelons is pretty steep as well.
eiffel31 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:27:05 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mattamz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:11 on November 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i did this with a scratchcard once, i wanted a ยฃ2 one and I chose a ยฃ10 by accident and was too awkward to say i didn't want it. still didn't win anything.
I needed one sheet of blank printer paper from the computer lab at my college. There were maybe 5 other students in there when I walked in and I was afraid that pulling open the paper drawer on the printer would be super loud and disruptive so I logged on to a computer and printed out 5 blank pieces of paper instead.
That's how I got printer paper from HR for a month when my boss failed to order the right size paper. I took a piece of paper with me, put it in upside down and acted like I was making dozens of copies.
-Loud crashing as you jerk open the paper tray and slam it shut-
"I'm getting some blank paper here, mothafuckas!"
leadabae ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:06:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's ironic though because the sound of the printer was probably louder than the drawer would have been. It just seems less disruptive because everyone does it. I love social psychology.
I'm just picturing the printer being out of paper and that annoying beep starts blaring throughout the room... and OP just sitting there like "I was trying to NOT make this happen!"
I did this exact same thing except I didn't know where the paper tray on the printer was, so instead of going to the printer and risk looking stupid, I just printed a bunch of blank sheets.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 11:33:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but then you get nice toasty paper :D
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 14:41:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a 6 weeks internship at a library as part of library science at uni and the third day the manager caught me basically facepalming a stack of warm paper. We just kinda locked eyes and she went to turn up the heating in the offices. Stone buildings in winter man.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:53:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol. I needed some scrap paper the other day at work and totally just printed it out blank after I didn't see any extra stock near the printers. Totally mental, r/madlads stuff.
I held those pages on my face and even gave a hearty sniff.
DBX12 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:45:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the college charged you 8 cents for each page. Or 30 cents if you forgot to set it to grayscale only.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:55:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My university implemented the printing funds system my first year I was there. At first it was annoying, but it made sense later. People were printing entire text books and entire research journals. We all got like $30 credit to start the semester (probably added in the tuition bill somewhere, whatever) but that would last through a lot of normal printing needs.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:10:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's why I use a hand scanner, and read the textbooks on the computer.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:20:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I learned of an app on Reddit a while back that would take pictures and format it into pdfs. Pretty nifty and WAY easier than scanning (can't remember it though, it was on a much older iPhone.) I'd rent the textbook and then return them within like a week for a refund.
Probably not exactly the same thing, but I use an app called OfficeLens that works similarly. Markets itself as a pocket scanner, but obviously using your phone camera. Automatically crops, re-orients, and zooms into the subject of the picture(i.e. keeps just the document, just the whiteboard, etc.). It also has the option to save it as a PDF.
And there's my uni giving us ยฃ2 for printing at the start of year 1, if you need more money to print the rest of your time at uni you have to put your own money on the account :(
Costs 5p per single side or 2.5p per side if you're printing double sided (black and white). It's 25p (or 12.5p per side of double sided) if you want colour. Most of my coursework submissions are physical copies, so the printing costs builds up
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:58:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's brutal. It's so antiquated how professors want physical copies of coursework too. Every office I've worked we've always eliminated paper in favor of pdfs. All my documents I work with are on the computer unless I have to print up the financials to serve up for a meeting.
It's so antiquated how professors want physical copies of coursework too
You try opening and printing assignments from 200 students, half of whom have never used their $3000 macs to do anything but use a web browser and tell me again why students can't just print their own shit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:19 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well seeing as how college is preparing you for the WORK place, the professors should be doing as much. Plus, with online schools and homework platforms becoming the norm, paper is being phased out.
I don't know who told you college is preparing you for work, but it damn sure wasn't a professor. College is for learning. You want to get ready for work, go to ITT or something.
For some reason my college gives us an insane amount of free pages before they start charging us. Itโs like 2500 free a year. My freshman year I barely broke 200 pages, so now I donโt really worry about that! My college is insane though.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:22:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a college library, and we keep little trash cans next to the printers so that people can recycle papers (if it printed an extra page with nothing on it, etc.). Then students can use these papers for scratch paper. If you can muster it, perhaps you could ask the staff if they have something like this or if they could implement it!
I have done this as well but mine was due to laziness.
AileWing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at the end of each school year. We were given print credits for each term. They would roll over into the next term but would reset at the start of a new school year. Not wanting to waste print credits (I hardly used them), I would print out at least fifty sheets across many different days during the last term of the year. I now have quite a bit of printer paper that I can use.
willejt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:38:13 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is infinitely better if you imagine everybodyโs scenario as Michael Cera cira 2007
soeux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have done that due to being afraid that just taking the paper would be seen as stealing it for personal use whereas printing something out would be an acceptable use of the paper.
Natcur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:04 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason the printer part is super quite, like a weird efficient ninja printer. But you can basically hear the drawer opening throughout the whole building.
ojpaudu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish more people were this polite in computer labs/libraries/etc while I was studying in college.
jred250 ยท 5570 points ยท Posted at 18:59:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in middle school I was standing in a line in this little building where the school sold concessions at lunch. There was another line right next to me (to my right) and in that line there were two girls talking with each other, just slightly ahead of me. One of the girls had some writing on her shirt on the chest and I was bored and trying to read it.
I overhear the other girl tell her "That little kid over there is staring at your boob." So instead of just being normal, and saying "Oh no, I'm just trying to read your shirt." I instead start staring at the wall past her, like staring into the distance is just a normal thing I do. I let people walk around me in the line because I'm so committed to my new staring gimmick.
It's a part of reddiquette to try to comment things that actually bring something new to a conversation. Commenting that you found something funny isn't useful since that's what the upvote button is for.
I did something similar. I was sitting in biology class, waiting for it to start, and the desks are arranged in a U-shape. I was sitting at the top left of the U and this girl was sitting directly across from me. There was some writing on a whiteboard behind her, and I was trying to read it. I didnโt even notice she was looking at me, thinking I was staring at her, until she waved and asked if I needed anything. Instead of saying no and telling her I was reading the board behind her, I just looked down and stared at the table until class started. Lol.
Here l'll make you and /u/jred250 feel better: Idiot me in 10th grade thought a guy across from me was cute. I have no idea what possessed me, but I got it in my head that if I just stare at him he'll notice and voila... seduction! My memory is fuzzy on this part but either somebody mentioned something to me outside of class or I said something to my friends who told me I was being a creep. Absolutely mortified that I had played this all wrong, my solution from then on out was that I would keep staring over there for at least the next month so that if anyone ever notices or had noticed, they'd instead think I was bored and zoned out in that direction instead of awkward girl being an unintentional misinformed creep.
Damn. I'd forgotten all about that until this thread.
You just reminded me I did the same thing to a girl when I was about 12/13. I was very shy, and had no idea how to approach my crush or express interest. I decided, like you, that if I stared at her enough.. You know, I can't even remember how I thought that would go exactly. If she noticed me staring at her she'd know I was interested, I guess? So I did that. Not just in one class, but multiple classes we shared together, in different rooms, in different seating arrangements. Jesus Christ.
Idiot me in 10th grade thought a guy across from me was cute. I have no idea what possessed me, but I got it in my head that if I just stare at him he'll notice and voila... seduction!
No no, you were right. That's how it works.
jred250 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:25:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pro-tip: if you want to stare at someone, stare at the wall behind them. When they try to make eye contact donโt meet their gaze. Once they look away you can shift your eyes to stare at them for a good 20 seconds and they wonโt re-check.
I used to have friends who worked at the corner store. They'd cover the barcode of everything with their hand, "scan" it, and only charge your cheapest item. Still looks like a purchase on the security tape but you basically got to rob them.
Man readable T-shirts on women are a pain though. I did this to a coworker once. We were in the break room and she had a T-shirt with a comic dinausaur on it that had a little "rawr" on it. I thought it was an incredible cute design and was just looking at it from across the table. She picked up on it and asked "You like what you see? " in a mocking kind of tone and I was still totally oblivious to what I was doing and just said "yeah its pretty cute". My good friend next to me kicked me in the shin and only then I realised. She accepted my apology but I dont think she believed me that my only interest was the cute dinosaur.
Cunt_Bag ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 13:31:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly though, if you're wearing a shirt with words or a picture on it, what do you expect?
Oh man I did something pretty similar except I was just staring into the void. Literally just staring in a direction not thinking about anything, but apparently it looked like I was staring directly at a girls boobs. She noticed and got really pissed at me and I had NO idea what she was talking about for like a solid minute.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:32:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you didn't insult her instead. I worked with a teenaged boy (I'll call him Jay) and there was a lady who would come into the small ma & pa store where we worked all the time. She would always try to dress/act younger than she was, make up stupid lies that a cashier wouldn't care about. One day she came in wearing a shirt with big lettering and Jay being the awkward shit that he was trying to read it and the lady was like "are you staring at my boobs?" And he just goes "don't fucking flatter yourself. If I was really interested in boobs, there are younger and prettier girls that come in here."
She gathered her stuff and never came back. I'm like 90% sure she moved because she rented a house down the road from me but I was genuinely surprised that she never complained.
jred250 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I definitely came up with a similar retort several hours later. I'm keeping it in my back pocket in case I ever run into that situation again!
I'd be so pissed if I was accused of staring at boobs when someone is wearing a tshirt with a catchy drawing and / or a bunch of text.
FFS if people don't want other people to stare at their ass, don't have "Little Bitch" written in glitter on the buttcheecks. I mean, am I out of reality here? It feels like a streaker that stops to ask "what are you looking at?" - I'm looking at the nudist that feels no cold nor discomfort running naked. Why did you stop?
This comes from someone who "dresses different" and gets enough side glarees. If you don't want people to stare at you, dress normal. Simple as fuck. If you don't mind everyone looking at you like the odd man out, then go ahead and dress like someone about to put on a show.
rivers67 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve gotten the ehhh wave from a girl before. I was looking out the window cause I thought I saw something and only realized how it looked once she waved.
Holy Fuck this is amazing haha. I'm dying at work. I am just picturing you staring and then hearing her say that, then you like narrowing your eyes and really trying to make it obvious you're staring at the wall like you don't even see them. Then moving your head around like you're trying to look around her. Omg
Do you really call the food items sold at a consession stand consessions? I just had to look up on wikipedia what a consession stand was and read that they are called consession stands because the contracts to third parties to sell snacks at their venue are called consessions.
Once I was in a taxi and I think the driver must have misheard my address. I noticed he was going the wrong way, but I didnโt say anything because I was too awkward.
Finally he drops me off about half an hour from my house. And Iโm all like โthatโs perfect, thanks mateโ. Paid with a tip, got out, walked around for a bit, waited for him to go, then called another taxi to get me home.
Smeorach ยท 265 points ยท Posted at 22:18:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God- what if it had been the same taxi that arrived? Can't risk it- walking instead.
I've actually done this. Went on vacation, uber dropped us off at a restaurant. As we're pulling up my wife and i both agree it looks shitty and we're not eating here. Instead of being normal and telling the guy we're changing our minds, we let him leave and then schedule another uber. Of course he was the only one available in a twenty minute area. So we waited patiently in the parking lot for 20 minutes.
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:10:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in middle school I went to a day camp in the summer and didnโt know how to swim. Rather than admitting that and being taught (and embarrassed) I would go to the bathroom to change and just hide in the stall until swim time was over. The counselors called me a thug and bathroom boy but I never had to go into that pool
I volunteered at cub scout day camp every summer for about 6 years while my kids were cub scouts. One summer, my new group of scouts were completing their swim tests so they could swim during camp. One at a time they jump in, swim across the pool then float for one minute. Then it's Jimmy's turn. He jumps in, stays rigid as a board and sinks feet first to the bottom of the pool and stays there. I look at him for just long enough to determine he wasn't planning on coming back up and I dive in to get him, drag him up, and get him back on the pool deck. I ask him "Jimmy, what's going on, can't you swim?" And he says "No, I can't swim - but Ms. RaqMountainMama, you told me to jump in and my mom said I had to listen to you." I love that kid.
He's grown now, probably 21-22. He did learn to swim that summer.
Wow, this thread is bringing back a lot of painful memories. This reminds me of when I was in middle school. In the 8th grade, I was really having trouble fitting in at school. I wasnโt handling puberty well and a lot of my friends from elementary school changed and started hanging out with other people. I was awkward as fuck and felt really bad most of the time. During P.E. I started taking as long as I could to change and come out of the locker room to avoid actually spending time with my class mates. The teacher didnโt notice and I figured nobody else noticed. I spent more and more time just hiding in the locker room, hiding in bathroom. I think I eventually got called out on it and stopped after a week or so. But shortly after I was called to the principles office and I had no idea why. In the office was a kid I barely knew who was accusing me of stealing $20 out of his locker because I was the only one who stayed in the locker room while everyone else was in class. I was really surprised. So I had to admit to this kid and the principal that I wasnโt a thief, that I merely just didnโt want to go to class and be around anyone. They didnโt believe. But they couldnโt prove anything and let me go. The kid just wound up not liking me. I stopped going to school for the rest of the school year not long after that because I couldnโt deal.
shawster ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 12:43:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, but itโs ok. I didnโt want to deal back then. It was over 25 years ago. Hadnโt thought about it until reading through this thread. Iโm doing ok now.
When i was at school me and my friend used to stay in the locker room during P.E. but we actually were stealing. I remember getting like ยฃ40 out of someones bag once, some poor kid who probably didn't have a job. We were mostly just taking spare change, make-up, food etc. I don't know how we never got caught, everyone knew we used to hang out in there instead of going to class.
I still regularly remember and feel terrible about it. Wish i could remember who we stole from so i could right the wrong.
I'm glad you feel bad about it now at least. Someone stole my wallet from the locker room. Thankfully I had no money, but I had to pay $60 I didn't have to replace my bus pass and my wallet was really cute and unique :(
I'm really sorry that happened. I feel like i should give you $60 as i can't give it to the people i did steal from... or at least reddit gold but unfortunately karma seems to of got me back and I'm very very broke right now. But just in case thoughts can pay your bills then this counts right?
It's too bad-feeling for me to dig up and describe in detail here, but I went through something extremely similar. In 8th grade. Hiding in little-used stairwells, in my case. Eventually stopped going to school for the rest of the school year. And the first half of the following year. Ended up going straight from advanced classes in regular school, to a special ed school, lumped in with all the students with "behavioral problems" beyond what a normal school could handle.
No, I'm one of the kids who didn't get out alive, so to speak. Along with a lot of other bad things going on at home (before, during, and after those years), the damage, combined with the way those years shape who you become, resulted in a permanently limited outcome. But at least I'm alive in the literal sense and not in jail or homeless, so, I've got that going for me!
I hugged a job interviewer when I was 16. The interview had concluded and she opened the door and stretched out her arm towards me to indicate I was free to go. For some reason I saw it as an invitation to hug and we had the most awkward one-armed hug/back pat ever.
dabriela ยท 2605 points ยท Posted at 23:59:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been reading this thread for like an hour, this is the worst one omg
I'm fucking dying with silent laughter because if I wake the dog she'll want to go outside. Next time you think of that memory and feel shame, think about how many strangers you made laugh with that story
ipostic ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 05:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed silently so hard shaking that almost woke up my wife sleeping next to me. I wouldnโt want to take her outside either.
No, I most certainly did not. It was at a trendy clothing shop and during the interview she told me all the things that were wrong with my outfit which made me super self-conscious and probably led to the whole hug fiasco.
I had this same thing happen to me once when dropping off my resume at a clothing store. It was like 12 years ago and I still stew about it every once in a while. I feel somewhat comforted knowing I'm not the only one this has happened to. (But I'm sorry your interview was so awkward!)
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 07:39:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unnecessary is totally the word for it. Thank you for saying so! It just seemed really bizarre to me because it's not like I went in there wearing ratty sweatpants or anything. I had actually carefully picked an outfit that I thought was nice and fit with the store's aesthetic. I responded with a meek "I'm sorry, I guess we have different styles" and she said "Well, it's not about style" and continued on her snotty assessment. It was a student town and I was applying for a job in vicinity of minimum wage, but it was like she expected people to waltz in wearing Prada?
I've been a hiring manager for a couple different operations, I always judge what someone is wearing. Even when I was hiring for service industry jobs, if you come in wearing mesh shorts and flip flops, unless you're an otherwise perfect candidate, you're not getting the job.
That said, I've only said anything about it if is positive, and only after the interview "I like that you wore a tie" or "nice suit"
Bamres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:07 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah i had a group interview where we were asked to style an outfit of their clothes and the store wasn't my style and I was doing a women's look. And they crituliqued the shit out of it with good reason.
I mean the interviewer could've gone about it better by being polite and simply not hiring op, but the job is tied to appearances. The fact that they were judgemental about what the potential employee wore doesn't mean they're a bad manager. That being said, it still sucks the way they treated op.
hogger85 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:44:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They would probably see it as trying to help your style so you know what you are doing wrong so you can correct it.
True, but an asshole that doesn't think they're being an asshole is still an asshole.
hogger85 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:09:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But to them it is no different to say a "i was nice to the user and explained their stupidity despite wanting to just laugh at them" type post on /r/talesfromtechsupport
If it makes you feel any better, I applied for one of those places and when the interviewer asked me which celebrity has the best fashion taste to me and why, (I know nothing about fashion) I lied and said "taylor swif! I just love that chick look." I went home and told my friend and they said "did you mean chiq?"
I legit thought that chiq (pronounced sheek) was pronounced CHICK.
I didn't get the job.
rnykal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:34:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is chiq?
kipumab ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:56:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs chic not chiq
rnykal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:11:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was thinking, but still, what is it?
rnykal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK so pr much anything in vogue, like if you see someone that is well-groomed and has cool clothes and obviously cares about their appearance and fashion, they would be chic?
It's a...fashion style? I still don't know anything about fashion. I spelled it wrong. My idea of fashion is old jeans, old sneakers, and a ragged sweatshirt lmao
rnykal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:57:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ye i just wear stuff i think is comfortable or has a lot of pockets lol
jrm2007 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:17:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this doesn't sound sexist but it is 100 times more normal to do what you did if you were both females than if you were male and the interviewer was female or both were males. I would wager that in the USA, at least in the past 20 years, no male interviewee has hugged an interviewer after the first interview. On the other hand, I have heard of really grueling series of interviews, like 25 at some investment bank and maybe at the end of that, they hug.
I had a moment about a week ago similar to this. I delivered some pizzas to this guys house and after about 15 minutes of his s.o. complaining the food was too expensive, the dude just gave me the full amount of cash and a 5$ tip. He apologized about his s.o. and I tried to apologize about the price (even though they ordered a sh*t load of food).
So he says have a good day and reaches to close his screen door that opened outwards, and for some reason I thought he was trying to fist bump me so I put my fist out. He reacts with an open hand for a hand shake, to which I open my hand, but then he makes a fist at the same time. We switch like this maybe 2-3 times and end up interlocking our hands together (like fingers in between each others fingers, like this ๐but more fist shaped).
We stay like this for a really long 2 seconds and look up at each other, then I tried to play it off by making a finger gun and saying "we'll work on that haha"... He didnt laugh and just said "alright..." And shut the door...
I dont think it was to bad but I felt my heart cringe inside ๐๐ฌ
I dont think so, I was trying to be apologetic about how much the pizzas were and felt bad. Somehow it ended up costing them more to use the coupon than not...
jawni ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:26:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I delivered some pizzas to this guys house and after about 15 minutes of his s.o. complaining the food was too expensive, the dude just gave me the full amount of cash and a 5$ tip.
I'm trying to picture this scene. You're at the front door, you hand them the pizza, s.o complains while you and the guy are standing at the door for 15 minutes, then I'm guessing the guy came out of his s.o-complaint-induced comatose state and realized he had to actually pay you?
Were you just pestering them to pay for the whole 15 minutes? Did they put in the order and then decide to dispute the price after it was delivered?
Sorry it wasn't more detailed. I just didn't want my comment to be too long. What had happened was they ordered two extra large pizzas, a works and a veggie (papa johns), and used a coupon. For some reason (not to familiar with it) it ended up still coming out to around 40-45 bucks, which to me seems reasonable cuz it was a lot of food but idk. At first it was just her asking me about the price and all that while the guy was just kinda wandering around the house. After a while he saw me still at the door and just wondered what I was still doing there. He seemed kind of cool but now that I think of it he probably just wanted me gone. As soon as I told him that she was upset about the price he said stuff to her like "honey come on hes got a job to do he can't wait here all day what's the matter" and "whatever ill just pay for it well figure it out later"...
The girl called the store and asked for my manager and all that.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:53:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to play it off by making a finger gun and saying "we'll work on that haha"
Oh man, I delivered pizza once where the guy's little kid was so excited he was running around my feet while the dad paid. As I turned to leave I tripped and fell off the porch without hitting any of the 4 steps and landed in a kneeling "prayer" position. He asked if I was alright and I was still processing what happened and just said yeah, I'm fine.
We germans the efficient people we are have a word for second hand awkwardness. It is called "fremdschรคmen".
thekerub ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:18:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first job interview was really really bad, and afterwards the interviewer was like "Alright, thanks for the interesting interview!" and since I was too nervous to think I replied "You're welcome". I all the way out of the building I was wondering why he stared at me like I was the biggest idiot and it finally started to dawn on me once I had left.
It took me forever to stop and read this because of laughing. My tummy hurts now thank you. ๐คฃ
alex3494 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:46:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this while supervising a written exam ... almost laughed out loud in a silent room with 30 students ... I had to squeeze my cheeks awkwardly together not to laugh out in the room. Just imagine the shame.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:51:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed out loud, I'm sorry! But this is so CUTE! I mean, it is awkward and I would've been mortified too, but I laughed because the cuteness is real.
Lol the opposite happened to me. I tried to step out of the house when I thought my mom's friend's son was extending his arm to open the door for me. Turned out he was reaching out for a hug.
Ha! As someone who lives in & has grown up in the South, that doesn't seem so weird to me... Everyone hugs everyone down here! However, I can see how it could be a bit mortifying! Just think of it as a character building experience, lol. Bet you'll never do that again! ๐
kelluk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It got me thinking about Friends and when Rachel KISSED the interviewer and later accused him of sexual harassment. So your case wasn't the worst... But hey, that's life & Friends is a series.
zpuma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:22:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost always do one arm awk hugs. I have other things I'd rather be doing so I don't want to give the impression this'll last long. But. Really close friends I'll do the over the top swinging/lift up bear hug.
The exact same thing happened to me! I cringe when I think about it.. I'll probably remember that moment for the rest of my life too.
I got the job though! I hope you were just as lucky.
Did this recently with my dentist. I just thought she was super friendly..
velon360 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once interviewed for a job that began with a group interview. When I went to pull out my chair to sit down a girl said thank you an sat down in the chair I pulled out the way someone would on a date. I was so shocked that I just rolled with it and walked to a different after I helped her slide her chair in. I still have no idea how a complete stranger though I was pulling a chair out for her.
This is so hilarious to me because Iโve had VERY similar situations happen. Yes, plural. But when I read this to my husband, he said he has too! Youโre not alone. So all the people out there who like to make people feel awkward about unwanted hugsโgive us a damn break! We just thought you were going for one, so we obliged. This is actually all your fault! Lol
Assuming you're female this is the cutest thing I've read in a while
inklurker ยท 627 points ยท Posted at 22:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a sleepover at a friends house when I was around 12. Both him and his parents fell asleep pretty early, without getting me a sleeping bag or blankets. So instead of waking them up and asking where I could get one, I curled up into a ball and slept in a pillowcase.
[deleted] ยท 14011 points ยท Posted at 18:47:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on a girl who worked at the drive thru of my bank. I would go to a different branch, withdraw some cash and then deposit it at her branch's drive thru in hopes she was working. It wasn't until much later that I realized she could more than likely see I had made a withdrawal for the exact amount I was depositing just minutes before.
It can be one step to getting rid of old, trackable bills. You keep the same amount of hard cash, but switch your withdrawl with your stash and deposit that in small amounts.
skieezy ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:01:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy who got a "job" on craigslist, every week he would receive a check in the mail for $2200, and every week he would write out a check for $2000 dollars and mail it to an address that someone emailed him that morning.
But that's the thing, you don't know what. It's like you're an accomplice to something that's technically legal. All you do is write a check and mail it. It's not like you have an obligation to investigate where the suspicious money is coming from..
psm321 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:07:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally half of rom com plots. Real life stalker? In the movie they actually really love you and just need to follow you and make enough outlandish displays of affection that you give them a chance and have the time of your life.
[deleted] ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:01:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I see one more movie where the man runs through an airport to stop her from leaving, Iโm going to be upset.
It'd work out much like it did in Not Another Teenage Movie.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:11:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly why is this so popularized in romcoms? I feel like vox or vice could do a bomb ass video examining this trend.
famalamo ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 02:21:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because girls like to be wooed, and the more effort a guy puts in to woo them, the more they like that guy.
Obviously this isn't the case, and would only work if the guy was like super fuckin attractive (like SUPER fuckin attractive), and that's rarely the case. Essentially, it's every girl's dream to be chased after by the handsomest guy in the world, just like it's every guy's dream to fuck all the girls he consider's hot, then one day he finds a girl who is super special and he marries her (see every guy focused rom com, like 50 first dates or Arthur).
And honestly, it's not entirely ridiculous. A lot of people would find that situation incredibly romantic if they were the most attractive people in the world. Ever notice how ugly people never have super interesting love stories? Because they met and decided "I guess". But the hot people have a story because they were worth making a huge display over. Same goes for one hot person and one non hot person. But uggos just happened to work together when they were like 22.
[deleted] ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 02:33:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
they met and decided "I guess."
Damn son
famalamo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:46:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cracked was all "IS EVERYONE READY FOR 2 EPISODES OF AFTER HOURS A MONTH?"
We all went "FUCK YES"
Cracked then said "Enjoy the extra episodes with this new group that has no chemistry and the writing just isn't as good as the other group because we don't want to overtax our best writers and probably we shouldn't have made a 2 episode a month thing at all. Have fun!"
Jesus... I usually binge watch a few videos every few months so I hadn't seen the new group yet but they're really pretty bad. Didn't even make it partway through the "Disney Prince" video. It all just felt so forced and weird. Maybe this cast would be better suited to a different format/show?
I saw a video a couple of years ago which had a bit where this guy said something like "One minute these women will be complaining that a guy trying to buy them a drink is creepy, the next a hot guy can walk up to them and just kiss them, and that's fine".
most have 5 or 6 lanes and 1 or two atm lanes and a Dropbox for businesses.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 01:46:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, I'm Canadian and thought drive thru banks were normal, but not multiple lanes. Maybe I just need to look in a bigger city. There's a drive thru bank like 200 m from my bedroom, but just a single lane.
I've never seen a drive through teller. It's usually an ATM and additionally an intercom with a tube. You talk over the intercom and pass money, checks, etc via tube. No direct contact.
the RBC on university ave in Charlottetown has one just like that!
oddly specific, but if fucking PEI has it, it's probably in other places considering how slow the island is to adopt new things (glass bottles only until 2007 anyone?)
lasroth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because ATMs are becoming obsolete in Australia, because less and less people are using actual hard currency. Literally everything besides illegal drugs and prostitution can be paid for with PayWave or PayPass. No need to enter a pin, just wave your card over a screen for one second and it's done. And when people want actual money they just withdraw it from the auto scanners at supermarkets like Coles etc. Even my local Commbank closed down and reopened with just a walk-in room full of various ATMs for specific purposes that replace humans and only one person working to assist people.
I never have actual money on me. I don't even use a wallet anymore. Just a card holder. Even the guy that delivers my pizza carries a portable PayWave scanner because sometimes people, for whatever reason, don't use PayPal etc when they place their order on their phone apps. America is really behind the times in this aspect.
Me too! This one place gave us butterscotch every time my dad went through it and I convinced him to go to the other bank all the way across town so I wouldn't have to do that anymore.
I live in Pennsylvania and, until today, had no idea drive through banks were not common in other places. There are problably at least 10 within a 10 minute drive of me
I had to go into a bank the other day, I literally took pictures of how many people were actually in it! Why the fuck are 15 people all in the bank on a Satursay morning? Weird
I have a friend who's blind, and for the longest time he thought "Los Angeles" and "LA" were two separate cities. like it was "Ellay". Thought that was interesting.
Jesus is there anything you Americans don't have a drive thru for? I remember seeing a show about a drive thru funeral parlour which weirded me out big time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:04 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those are definitely not a thing. Maybe there's like one obscure location in some odd part of the US, but they are not even remotely common.
TIL: Drive through banks are only common in America.
Do you have drive through pharmacists?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:14 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...yes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep; most banks here have multiple drive-thru lanes as well as a "regular" walk in facilities.
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:25:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
drive thru of my bank.
u fuckin wot m8
m_jansen ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 23:03:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've taken out cash and deposited it back the same day when I changed my mind about a Craigslist purchase. It's unlikely that she would have even bothered to look at the time. Unless she had a crush on you also.
Aoredon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve told this story before. An old coworker of mine once had a crush on a teller at his bank. He used to make unnecessary trips to the bank to see her. One day he gets up the nerve to ask her out but he decides to give her a piece of paper with a short note and his phone number. She had this look of horror on her face as he handed it to her. He walked away, thinking she was disgusted by him. It wasnโt until hours later that he realized she probably thought she was being robbed.
Haha yeah she definitely knew, I work at bank and I love watching for shit like this.
LBJCA ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:50:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad asked my mom who was a bank teller out on the first date by slipping her a note at the bank till. I think nowadays this probably gets the cops called but could've saved yourself some time using this strategy :)
Almost exactly the same plan turns up in an episode of The Drew Carey Show.
Every week Lewis withdraws $10,000 when the ugly teller is working. He comes back the next day and re-deposits it when the cute teller is working. In a few years time she'll think he's a millionaire and then he'll ask her out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is kinda sweet since you were going out of your way and making an excuse to see her. I used to do similar stuff to this in the past with girls I had crushes on too.
This definitely isn't something we need to "catch up on". Aside from it being a stupid idea you can do pretty much all consumer banking on your phone or PC.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait what? They were drive thru tellers? This blows my mind
Immune56 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hooooold on a second. Talk to me about these drive thru banks...
hogger85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would she look up your previous transaction just because you were depositing, (unless she was interested in you). Wouldn't she just take your account number jump to deposit section on system, count your money and enter the value..beepboop.. have a nice day next customer please. 2 seconds later she won't even remember how much you put in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just assumed that when she entered my account number it showed the last few transactions. But you're prolly right.
If it makes you feel any better (bank worker here), the main screen for deposit/withdraw doesnt have history/reporting on it. That's a separate screen.
So unless she ran a report on your account, or checked your history, she was probably non the wiser.
I do this minus the weird part, I go at the same time on the same day every week to deposit my cash tips because the teller and I talk a bit and it's slow around that time, she's cute. And I wouldn't really worry about that, if you're just depositing cash they don't really look at anything from your account.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Regrettably nothing above the normal pleasantries she was no doubt required to say.
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I have done stuff like that; I know for sure when I went to deposit my paycheck each week or two I crossed my fingers I would get one particular female teller. I have also gone to the same restaurant many nights in a row. because of a waitress or hostess. I don't know if you are in good company, but you definitely have a lot of company.
I rode my bike to college one time and had no bike lock. So I tied it up with an extra show string I had hoping any passerby would see it was "locked" without investigating too closely. As I'm leaving class I see a couple students standing by my bike taking pictures of my lock job and laughing. I sat like 50 yards away in shame waiting for them to leave before I retrieved my bike and left.
I used to do this with my stuff at school because my locker got kicked in by douchebags. After I put orange flags on everything people treated it like a crime scene and left it alone.
I copied the idea from Darren Brown who did the idea with a wallet on a London street outside of an underground station entrance (or somewhere equally as busy).
People looked at the wallet full of cash but the ring around it made people leave it alone.
CFogan ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:46:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's more, is that people were taking pictures of it while you were gone, creating evidence even if it was stolen!
Sometimes Iโm too awkward to think that someone made a mistake, so I just believe they have this magical thing called a show string that Iโve never heard of
You should post your story at /r/bicyling. Often there are posts about shitty lockjobs but never the story of the culprit. If it makes you feel better your idea is apparently quite common.
Yes! Say something along the lines of glad to see my prototype unbreakable shoestring lock worked! You can have this one. I should probably find a more catchy name, right?
When I was in middle school I still had my "little kid" bike lock, which was bright pink and purple and had little stars and rocket ships and other symbols instead of numbers on the lock. I was an insecure little girl, and was embarrassed by it but assumed nobody would notice if I parked behind the school. NOPE. Come out at the end of the day and two younger boys were pulling at it trying to undo it and laughing. I had a fit of embarrassment rage and just clocked one on them open-palmed in the side of the head. He (understandably) freaked out while the other one started screaming "I'm gonna tell my mom!" So I yelled "fuck you, go tell your mom and I'll tell her you were trying to steal my bike!" They kinda sulked off and I unlocked my bike and rode away and cried a little on the ride home from all the adrenaline.
tl;dr if you can't embarrass them, physically assault them and threaten to tell their mother.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that once when two boys (probably 12-13 years old) where standing by my motorcycle and loudly complaining how sad it is that somebody would let their motorcycle get so dirty. They seemed really embarrassed.
lagoon83 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:10:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cut it off with a pair of bolt cutters and run away with the bike.
Walk up crying, start untying the string and half way through yell "YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D NEVER DO THIS AGAIN" and then pedal off, crying harder.
Dyn4mik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:28:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lolmfao im laughing so hard at this ...his was exactly my 1 thought too, we did this stuff a lot in school (not lacing someones bike) but going full shakespeer in the right moments was always gold ... bonus: pedal 5 yards than stumble and fall 1 time for maximum cringe...
[deleted] ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 20:14:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if i saw this i would have busted up laughing not because i thought you were dumb but because i thought you were some super cool hipster dude
zbeezle ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 21:06:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dude, that just reminded me....Not an answer to OPs question, but kinda related....
In junior high I rode my bike to school and locked it up everyday like I was supposed to. One day at the end of the day I notice I don't have my bike lock key. Start freaking out and shit it's 45 minutes walk home and I dont have a spare there either way. I go out to the bike cages in hopes of a miracle. And what do you know but the key and big blue keychain was on the floor right next to the bike. My faith in humanity rose Quite greatly that day
saccharo ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:16:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have walked over and untied it while doing your best to cover the knot, saying "dude, no peeking"
Ahaha... I did something similar at work. I forgot my bike lock but had my gym locker padlock. So here's this $1500 bike locked to like the derailleur with a tiny padlock. Someone prob had a good laugh at that as well!
That's good! I figured but still, people are awful. Haha.
Skier420 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:13:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's actually hilarious in the best way. i would have walked up to those people and asked them if they liked my bike lock. they definitely would have said yes and then you tell them it's the only lock you could afford because you spent all your money on beer (or weed, or whatever college thing). you could have made some friends in that moment. you gotta own that shit!
Many people leave bike locks at colleges and schools so when this happens I just wrap one around my bike so it looks locked, A simple tug would prove otherwise, but no one's ever tried.
teh_maxh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're screwed if someone decides to go ahead and lock it, though.
The locks are already locked to the bike rack, I just move it so it looks like it's attached. If it just so happens that the owner comes back for their lock, They're gonna need it themselves.
I have a similar memory from school! But slightly more embarrassing. I usually had a small cleaning cloth with me which was kept under my cycles seat. My mother used to replace it periodically when it got too dirty. Indian mother here - once she thought it would be completely fine if she put in a piece of my old under-dress slip as the cloth. I was unaware. One day I was walking back to the cycle stand after school - I saw a bunch of guys (who were the 'cool guys' in school) pull out a cloth from under a cycle, clean their own cycle seats. But before putting it back, they realized that it was a girls slip and started laughing and joking about. I walked by - thinking ' How embarrassing for the girl' before I came to an abrupt stop - realized it was my cycle - and kept walking till I came to the end of the cycle stand. It was about 15 minutes till the boys were done laughing and finally left. I was waiting there at the end of the stand - looking around aimlessly (it was the time before cell phones - so I couldn't even pretend to be busy in my mobile). Finally made sure the coast was clear - and cycled back home!
I tied mine to the bike rack with a chain and yeas I mean with a knot, for a couple of months after my lock was stolen(friend did it as a joke, but misplaced it, we where 12) anyway one day the bikes either side of mine where stolen, both where locked up ptoperly and worth about 1/4 of mine. My theory was they where interrupted or didn't recognise that my stinger balance was worth more than the commonplace huffys they took.
There's a university in my city where all the bike racks are located by the security office. There has been a lot of bike theft there in the past so they've really cracked down on bike security.
If they find your bike doesn't a good enough lock (by their standards) they will put their own U lock on it. Then you have to go ask them to unlock it for you when you want to leave, and you get a lecture while they do it.
I had just gotten a new car when I was in high school (a hand me down from my dad), and one of my first times driving it, I wasn't used to the headlight switch and forgot to turn them off when I went into a store. Of course everyone in the store points out the sucker who left their lights on, so instead of going out and turning them off, I went to 2 other stores and by the time I got back to the car, the battery was too drained to start it.
I bought tweezers to groom my eyebrows (I'm a man). When my female friend saw them in the bag in my back seat, she asked whos they were and I was too embarrassed to say they were mine so I said "I don't know, somebody must've left them," and she took them for herself and I had to buy new ones.
No they were brand new in the bag I had just bought them and hadnโt removed them from the car. She just saw a brand new pair of tweezers and took them. Never used
I swear, the big hidden secret about women is that they run on tweezers. I can be out anywhere with Mrs. Dr_A and she'll have tweezers on her. We could have just finished hiking up a brutal alpine climb, we'll be resting, out of breath at the top, and she'll say "You have a stray eyebrow hair, hold on a second..." and whip out a goddamn pair of tweezers.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:48:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mock, until the day you have a splinter that you can't remove by yourself...
And yet having ungroomed eyebrows or unibrows is only considered unattractive because someone deemed it so, and then a bunch of other people agreed that was the new beauty standard. (People seem to hate body hair in general.)
I say this considering that my fiance has a slight unibrow - a handful of dark hairs that just bridge that gap between his eyebrows. (It's not a full straight line across his brow.) When we started dated, I found it super noticeable. I thought about suggesting he tweeze it, but I also thought about how he never asks me to change something about my appearance simply because he has a certain opinion about it. I never brought it up. I didn't want to make him feel self conscious about it. We've together for years, and I don't really even notice the unibrow anymore.
Thing is, removing some of the clutter around the eyes makes the eyes seem bigger and more open. Since eye shape is a big component of first impressions, and eye contact is a big part of social interaction, tweezing can have a big effect on how people perceive and treat you. It's great that you saw past the first impressions with your man, but consider whether there may be advantages to him getting tweezed. (Right before your wedding. You'd hate to have his suddenly sexier, more honest and open mug out there in the wild before you get that boy locked down.)
The points you made are all fair regarding first impressions and how a good face can make a difference with initial reactions.
I giggled at that last bit.
I'm not particularly worried about someone stealing him away. We've been together close to eight years now, are engaged, and will be getting married right around our ten year mark.
He cleans up more for formal occasions anyway - mostly because he says he needs to look at least half as good as me. (He'll use any excuse to throw in a compliment.)
His daily routine is ultra casual, and things like grooming he looks to me for input anyway. I've been cutting his hair for the past five years, and I end up trimming his nails for him because he gets super lazy with those. (I was getting tired of being accidentally scratched by point and jagged nails.) He'll just let them grow until they break. I still don't understand it.
(That last bit was meant to make you giggle. Nobody should be getting married if they're seriously worried that a little salon time would lead their mate to run off! Congratulations you two. Have a blast, getting married is fun!)
We're more than the hair between our eyebrows. It doesn't matter if we remove it because it looks bad.
[deleted] ยท -71 points ยท Posted at 04:48:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesnโt look bad unless youโre not okay with what a human looks like. You keep plucking your shit and putting makeup on tho, cuz thatโs how youโre going to find true love.
I make sure my eyebrows look good for the same reason I get a haircut and shave my face. Because it looks good for me when I look at my face. Our appearance is a form of expression. You probably don't have a unibrow or else you wouldn't be saying this shit.
Exactly. It's just like washing hair...sometimes I'll just feel gross and my hair won't be that noticeably greasy, but it bothers ME.
i ask someone else about it and they say it looks fine but I'm not feeling it. It genuinely is for ME , not anyone else. Same with makeup and nails and clothing and well, generally everything.
Chow-Ning ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 05:04:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What he said wasn't shit; some people, believe it or not, are perfectly content with their own appearance.
Eh, I'm very content with my appearance. I'll do things like cutting my nails or getting a haircut if they/it grows too long to be impractical, but that's about it.
I'm not judging anyone who plucks their eyebrows or trims their nosehair or use wax. You do you.
See, that's the thing. The makeup isn't for anyone else. It's for me, because it gives me confidence and makes me feel good. If we're truly arguing that people shouldn't be shallow and judge others for their looks, well, that goes both ways. Let people do their thing. Yolo.
It's still just for me. I'll let you in on a secret, I'm not a girl that applies makeup every day. It's a special occasion type thing. So I'm perfectly comfortable with how I look, but sometimes I want to push it over the top. Being concerned with looking good is my own damn perogative. It's like when old white men tell me I'd be prettier if I smiled - no one wants your opinions old white man, I'm not smiling for anyone but myself if I don't want to.
Same goes for makeup. And some of us want to do makeup more often than others. You're not stating facts here, just a widely held, primarily male, OPINION - one that thinks, selfishly, that if women wear makeup, it must be to trap men !!! Into dating unattractive girls !!!! Oh no!!!!
It still boils down to letting people do whatever the hell they want to with their own appearance and not attaching your own conceptions onto it. If a girl tells you her makeup ain't for anyone but herself, you gotta take it that way. I'm not saying people don't do it for the collateral effect, but if I look good to myself, I'm happy. If I look good to others in the process, that's merely a bonus.
Not op. It's my hobby. I love researching makeup, watching tutorials, browsing for makeup, buying makeup, playing/practicing with makeup even at night when I'm going to wash it all of anyway. Why does anyone like the things they do?
Have a uni-brow. No one is stopping you. Do you get haircuts or shave your face (if you are a guy)? Use any hair products? Use cologne/perfume? Ever used acne wash or medication? Give any shits about the clothes you wear in your personal time (exclude work I suppose for professionalism) or wear whatever is cheapest and most efficient? I mean, why bother trying right?
None of these things are requirements. But sometimes they are nice.
they arent cheap it's like $20 unless you get a real crap pair of tweezers. you want one of the ones that has a real fine tip, and you go at it from the side. those are the shit
Damn they must be fancy. I'm a guy and will admit to tweezing my eyebrows, but I'll get the ยฃ1.79 ones from Boots to preserve some illusion of manliness to myself
[deleted] ยท -69 points ยท Posted at 04:44:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you pay $20 for tweezers, youโre a ducking retard
I practically beg my SO to tweeze or trim his monobrow. I'd be happy if he did that like you. I love him to death and his appearance will never change that but Christ it looks ridiculous. It's his face though so I've got no right to complain.
It doesn't help that he has a bit of a fear of tweezers. As a kid, his dad would always pin him down when he used them to remove splinters. His dad had really shit aim so would repeatedly pinch his skin before finally extracting it.
Jesus I know your pain. I've got some LUCIOUS brows. It's to the point where literally strangers will comment on their thickness. But for some god damn reason it feels so weird to trim/ pluck them. No one has ever shamed me or made me feel bad for doing it, but I feel so embarrassed whenever someone mentions it. I know that if I let someone else wax them, they could be a work of art, but I just feel so awkward about it.
You should really just go to a pro once to get them waxed. I'm a beautician/cosmetologist and most of us are really nice and don't judge anyone. Find someone who asks YOU what you want YOUR eyebrows to look like.
I've had guys tip me quite large amounts just for the way I handled their eyebrows!
I grow a uni brow quite quickly so I wanted to buy tweezers. I waited until I had a sliver to go to the pharmacy, and then actually showed the cashier my sliver.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
n1c0_ds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just be a real man and own your decisions
BNJT10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Using tweezers to pluck your eyebrows sounds painful. You should try the scissors/comb combo a la Evan Almighty
Lukeyy19 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:27:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that's different. Tweezers are for removing unwanted hairs such as a unibrow and the comb and scissors is for trimming unruly hairs down to size.
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should of said they're your butt hair pullers. See her take them then!
Yeah, I don't see what's so weird about buying tweezers. I have a pair in my first aid kit and my bathroom. They can be used for splinters and ticks, not just plucking eyebrow hair.
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yea I can't say I am often removing splinters from my hands but I definitely use them to pull some nose and eyebrow excess hair.
Conversely, I never used my neighbor's name because I forgot it the first time he told me and was too embarrassed to ask him. He always greeted me and my dog by name. We were neighbors for three years. I was so happy when he moved.
This is the exact sort of situation George from Seinfeld would find himself in.
Actually, Jerry would likely be more apt to forgetting a neighbor's name. George would probably have a suspicion that his neighbor forgot his name and tell Kramer about it, and Kramer would suggest that it would be easy to just look at someone's mail to get their name... so George would plant a fake piece of mail each day just to try to bait his neighbor into calling him the wrong name. The show would likely end with the neighbor asking George if he had a roommate named Frank or something and George would feel silly.
Just make it so that Jerry is the one who never says his name. George tries to get him (the neighbor) to say the name only to have Jerry read off the wrong name in an attempt to execute Kramer's plan
I'm sure there's still a hole in there somewhere but I can dream
erddad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:21:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, George plants the mail in the neighbor's mailbox.
erddad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, George plants the mail in the neighbor's mailbox.
The awkward neighbour decides to "borrow a piece of mail, so he finally knows how his hot (and friendly) neighbour is named. When he looks at the name, it's the name of a dangerous crime lord. No wonder his neighbour is such a douche, he's a mobster. That poor, poor neighbour's wife, he must save her!
Later, it turns out that it was just a "shared name, wrong person" thing and that the neighbour was just angry at the main character because he's a weirdo who keeps staring at his wife in the most perverted way possible.
I'm going to make it a comedy and the "hero" is going to be a typical neckbeard and internet warrior whose "friends"on the internet do the research and lead to the fuckup.
MJBrune ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:12:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean it also depends who lives there like could have just gotten the son's name instead of the uncle. If your neighbor lives alone then you are in the clear.
Not his name/mail. Assumes you are joking about it being theirs. Probably doesn't take it, may mention taking it back to the post office or leaving it in your box.
2.is their name/mail. Assumes you're laughing because it's funny that you ended up with it.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:16:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
amanko13 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:24:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get mail addressed to my house number but belongs to someone who has never lived here.
Sigilus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mailman once hilariously screwed up and delivered someone else's mail to our house which had the exact same house number as theirs, but they lived on an entirely different street.
It'd be even better if it was the wrong mail, he called the neighbor by the wrong name, and the neighbor felt too awkward to correct OP, so he just went with it.
"Uhh... Jim's the one on the other side of your house Bob..."
muttering under his breath"Jeez, guy doesn't know anyone's name in this neighbourhood..."
Mythgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the nightmares
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could recover and say it was a joke because obviously the mailman screwed up and thought the neighbor was [wrong name] and how could you possibly not know neighborโs name? Thatโs just silly. What if [neighbor] forgot their own name and put the wrong name on the mail? Better ask them to make sure they know their own name.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
amanko13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Play it off as a joke "haha, I guess you're Mike now!" Then always call him Mike under the guise of it being an inside joke about that time the mailman screwed up.
setfire3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hi Lucy! the mailman accidentally delivered your mail to my mailbox!"
"Why did you call me by my wife's name?"
"Fuck." runs away as you still haven't learned his name
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:28:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
German guy moved in next door recently. Am American. He has thick accent.
We met when I was cleaning out my gutters, on the roof. He's at ground level. He calls out to me and we yell back and forth. Seems like a super nice guy.
Asked him to repeat his name several times and I never did catch it. Pretended like I knew his name.
Thanks to this advice, I will possibly commit a federal crime by stealing a peek at his mail to figure out his name. Thanks Reddit. Beats social awkwardness.
NOXQQ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not bad, but to anyone in the situation: if you can think of a reason to have the person's phone number, ask them to put it in your phone for you. Hope they don't decided to be silly and put in "neighbor" or something. Lol.
If you already have it, delete it and make an excuse. New phone. Had to do a factory reset. Glitch. W/e. Maybe write it down before you delete it too. Just in case.
Or if it hasn't been very long since you've met... "hey, I'm sorry I'm terrible with names..." ;)
Only post ever (major lurker) to say this: You can use GIS data to find property tax data for people. It's usually a map that you can zoom in on, click on the property, and then it tells you what the owner's names are.
1 - Let the stalking of the rumored celebrity near you commence!
2 - Find out your neighbor 'Jerry' is actually 'Gerry' because his full name is 'Gerald Neighborlyman.' Good stuff.
Knock on the door holding a clipboard. When he answers " Hey I was wondering if you would sign this petition to start a neighborhood watch " Chances are they would.
avatar28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, assuming it's not a locked box like at an apartment, just open the mailbox and glance at the names. No need to actually TAKE the mail.
ganlet20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the things I know about my neighbors is a direct result of packages they've ordered that were not sent in a generic box.
This is sorta what happened to me. I forgot my neighbor's name shortly after I moved in about 4 years ago. It was similar to the name of the office manager at my old apartment complex and I quickly mixed them up.
I'd often think to myself that the only way I'd figure out their name is if I got their mail by mistake.
One day, I ended up with a bunch of their mail in my mailbox. And as a bonus, when I was talking to her after returning it, she mentioned the name of the guy who lived with her.
I never really talked to either of them aside from a quick hello, but on a few times we'd have longer conversations and it was always a bit awkward with the little voice in my head going "Is it Jim? Mark? He kind of looks like a Matt. Or an Aaron..."
Before the mail mix-up they talked about selling their house so I was almost home free that way, but in the end they didn't list it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey, to whom it may concern!"
Bazzzaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this just reminded me of something similar that I did in College.
Living in a all female dorm, I kept hanging with a girl I met in the common area, but I could not remember her name.
Since I was friend with the RA of her floor, I looked at the room log and took a guess.
4 names for the room.
Sarah has to be the white girl,
Jin has to be the Asian one,
the names left were Maria and Moisha.
She was black, so I thinking Moisha.
Walk to the room and ask for Moisha, her roommate (who I 've never met) goes "yeah? whats up?"
I just turn around and walk away, too embarrassed.
She was Sarah.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:40:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm like 90% sure no one is actually fooled by that. Not only do most people know that "trick" but it's also a totally awkward exchange in itself anyway.
Namika ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:37:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively you can ask "You have have a nickname?" and they will answer with something like "Huh? Not really, I mean sometimes they called me Mike for short, but usually people just say Michael"
We moved in 7 years ago. Neighbours know our names but we don't know theirs :/ I wrote their names on a cardboard box because I knew we'd forget...SO recycled the box once all the unpacking was done.
Xearoii ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:49:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can look up their name through city property tax ownership records. All online. Search by county bro
Geshman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're assuming they aren't renters
Xearoii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
7 years very good chance they aren't renters lol
lez566 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 23:40:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once dated a girl while in high school and had a similar scenario, except it was that I didn't know her surname. It was fine until one time after a few dates she told me to come up to her flat before or date. I asked what number and she told me the name was on the door. I got out of it somehow but realised I couldn't go on and ended it. She was really pretty.
Oh, it must have got "lost" in the mail, or you could just make a single Christmas card. It can't be that hard, and who knows maybe it will lead you guys to become great friends from this one single Christmas card.
klove02 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:40:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently in this situation but 1 year into it bought the house last year.
My MIL just had a guest house built on our property and now that she is moved in we are waiting for her to go over and greet him when he is outside and the the names!
God forbid he walk over when we are all out front or going through things of hers in the garage! Awkward introductions.
Property records are public domain, I do a search for mortgages or deeds at the county clerk's website on a regular basis, for everything from remembering a neighbor's name to making sure I am addressing a work proposal (I'm in contracting) to the proper homeowner.
Bonus points you can see how much they paid for their house, mortgage value, and if they have any liens, which is super stalkery and never mind I've never done that...
I do this at work. This one little old lady always used my name when she greeted me and I would always reply with "Oh hey! how are you doing today?"
She's retired now so it doesn't matter anymore.
I have been calling my neighbor โmr. Haywardโ for 17 years. Three weeks ago he tells me that mr Hayward died 10 years ago and his name is John. He said he didnโt know how to tell me.
I had a room mate for 6 months that I didn't know his name.
One day the cops came looking for him and I had no idea who they where looking for, I told them they had the wrong house... I did call them back when I realized that I had lied to a police officer and accidentally covered for some piece of shit
I've asked too many times to ask again. I'm embarrassed to keep asking. Maybe the mailman knows...
just_ohm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something like that once. One day the guy told me to drop his name in a job interview because he knew the owners...didn't land the job, but damnit, I'll never forget your name again Brad.
I don't know what to call my girlfriend's parents because "Mr" and "Mrs" is too formal especially after being with her for 5 years, but calling them by their names also feels weird so I've avoided calling them anything for 5 whole fucking years.
I'm like this to a fault w/ everyone. How soon I learn your name is based on this order:
Boss
I hate you
Boss's boss
you're one of my favourite people
you're higher on the food chain than me
I bought weed off you
you have a skillset I don't have and probably will depend on
you work with me, in my department, on my shift
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:29:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know my boss's name for like the first 4 months. Turns out he had the same name as one of the cooks and that's why I could never figure it out. Mad awkward.
mjw09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just had my 4 yr old keep asking and tell me LOL.
There was a neighbor who always greeted me by my name in a very friendly way and always asked how my family was and I was utterly clueless of her name for at least a decade. I have no recollection of us ever being introduced. I only found out her name recently after a huge earthquake hit my city because she was organizing volunteer brigades and only then I found out what her name and those of her family. A week later I still remember the name of every single person in her family except her.
I just moved into a neighborhood with an HOA that doesnโt let you lease your own house (so I know all occupants are the owners), I forgot my neighbors name so I looked up the county records for their property and got their names, and all the names of the neighbors and made a handy little chart to help me in the future.
This guy at the gym introduced himself, but I couldn't understand it. So I got him to repeat it, and I asked "sorry, did you say <name>?" He replied with something like "well it's actually mumble mumble, but that's fine." To make things worse, I forgot to let go of his hand I was shaking throughout the entire exchange.
After all that, I still forgot his name. I've known him awhile now and it would be awkward to admit I don't know his name.
I fucking hate those people! You think you're better than me because your WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY remembers my name and I don't have the slightest clue who's who over there?
They were better than me, that's what sucks.
goagro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The mayor of my town thinks my name is Steve. Everytime I see him says "Hey Steve how are you?". My name is Chris.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat next to a dude in lectures for 6 months without knowing his name for this reason. Facebook saved it.
"Hey man, i couldn't find you on Facebook, how do you spell your name?"
That's my daily routine with about half of the people I regularly interact with. I'm absolutely terrible with remembering names. Now I just make a joke of it anytime someone new joins our group that I'll definitely forget their name until something happens that makes it stick, so in the meantime if I ever am heard to say "this guy" or "the good lady here" to give me a reminder.
drbusty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've worked the receiving area of a large retail hardware store, didn't know the ups man's name for 4 years
Yes! We had a nickname for our neighbor, we called him Wayne because he just seemed like a Wayne. We referred to him as that for so long that we completely forgot his name. It was terrible because he invited us over for cookouts all the time and we always went, we just had to avoid using his name.
There are two women at work. I work in IT so see their names a bunch, but rarely see them. I had to replace a computer once. They were both in the room. Thankfully it was obvious which had the old computer, phew.
Oh god yes. I've referred to my sister's boyfriend as Chief, Guy, Man, Dude, Bro, for the last 5 years. Now, I'm firmly going to make the effort to never learn his name
LadyCoru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend (not super close, but friend nonetheless) I've known for eight years. I have no idea what her last name is and I can't bring myself to ask.
Minemose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am in this situation now. The dad is Robert, kid is Madeleine, dog is Lucy, forgot the mom's name immediately. So I just avoid her at all costs because it's been 6 years now.
That's how it is at my apartment now. The guy across from me is around my age, mid 20s and is cool as fuck. He addresses me by my name every time we see each other, but I first met him when I was drunk and immediately forgot his. I don't go outside if I know he's out there and I may pass him.
This was the case with me when I started my internship a while back. At a meeting everyone introduced themselves but naturally I instantly forgot about 99% of the people's names. I learned the names of the people I actually worked wirh pretty quickly but I never managed to remember the names of the girls working at the front desk. I was always terrified that someone was going to say "hey, can you go take these papers to Katie up front" and I would just have no idea what to do
I've been talking to a girl online for a few weeks and forgot to ask her name. I only know her screen name, but it's too late to ask her for her real name, especially since I'm pretty sure she told it to me a while ago and I've since forgotten it.
When that happens to me I usually ask them how their name is spelled.
It helps me learn what their name is, and I'm a bit of a visual learner, so having a mental image of the name helps me remember it.
If he wasnโt renting, in most states you can look up property owners online. The problem is when you look up a name like โAndrew.โ Is he an โAndy,โ a โDrew,โ or does he go by his full name?
honeypup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've lived next door to the same people for like 15 years and I don't know either of their first names. They're an older married couple who are kind of mean so I don't talk to them much other than saying hi when I see them. But somehow they know my name and I have literally never heard either of theirs.
Actually I've had mostly the same neighbors for most of my life and I only know one of their names. He's a mailman with a cool dog named Boots. He's the only one I really talk to.
I don't know my neighbor's first or last name and we've been neighbors for almost 2 years. Our doors are 5' from each other and I see her every single day at least twice, and we always greet each other and sometimes visit for awhile. Since I have never called her by her name, and she always calls me by mine, I always wonder if she thinks I'm kind of rude or if she realizes I don't know her name and privately thinks it's funny.
Pielo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time check your Assessor page. (Where you check the value if your property.) Then check you neighbors address and there is the current owners information. Of course, this only works if you're living in a house of some type and not an apartment.
This happens to me a lot since I'm awful at names but good at recognizing faces. Usually I'll ask for their phone number (if I care about their name bc they're a coworker, I see them often etc I usually can get it) say I got a new phone and then ask how to spell their name.
County property records are usually publicly available and list the house owner.
Bergauk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me with my nextdoor neighbors right now. They introduced themselves to us when we moved in and I completely forgot their names within a few minutes.. Luckily I've since remembered their names.
SubMGK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here, sort of. People ask me why I give them silly nicknames that have no relation to their name whatsoever. I tell them it's because I'm quirky, but in reality I cant remember their real names.
I don't think any of my friends calls me by my name. "Heya there" is entirely sufficient, no need to even mention names lol.
misyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know almost none of my neighbor's names since we moved in 3 years ago but my husband is the street social butterfly, so everyone stops by and chats with me. I live in fear of them asking me about other neighbors or just saying something that would require me to know their names. The sad part is my husband has told me names of people and who lives where over and over again but I just don't remember them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh noooooooo!!!! Im in the middle of this. I think I know it, but neither my wife nor I remember.
We moved in not long ago, so we're going to have a housewarming party. I'm hoping they attend and I can over hear him introducing himself. That about all I got.
Just ask people how they spell their name. They'll spell out their first name then you can cover your ass and say, "No, I meant your last name". And final bit of instruction: Don't put your dick in a fan, ceiling or otherwise.
HA! My boyfriend is currently in this situation. He recently moved into a new apartment and we met the neighbor day 1. Saw her a few day later with her husband and she introduced us as wibbswobbs and completelywrongnameofboyfriend...I was just about to correct her when my boyfriend extends his hand to husband and says "hello I'm completelywrongnameofboyfriend", so I had to go with it! I now refer to him as the incorrect name.
sporks_ ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 23:40:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: neighbors said his correct name and YOU have been calling him the wrong name all along... dum dum dummmmmm
cqm ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:42:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cant pronounce my girlfriend of three years name so I could see how this could happen
Bamres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:29 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At this point you need some sort of lessons man
shriek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you guys talk after sex?
cqm ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:49:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12 or 13 we rented an apartment from people my father was friends with. One day the landlady jokingly said she didn't like my name and will now call me John. So everyone else started calling me that just for the hardy har har but the name kinda stuck.
When they walked away I asked him why he didnโt correct the wife. He said โitโs rude to correct older peopleโ lol. But, yes, he is awkward person with ppl he doesnโt know.
If you ever want to end the ruse without awkwardness, I have an idea.
Casually refer to him as his real name, and when they go, "Wait I thought...?" you laugh and say, yeah, "Real Name" is his middle name, which he used to go by professionally and is making the full switch.
Something like that. The only danger is them seeing his real middle name but I feel like that's a super unlikely neighbor interaction.
akugyaku ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 21:18:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done this multiple times. A bus driver called me Pete (not my name) for 3 years. Eventually you just become Pete, or in your case whatever you neighbor called you.
I work with a group of people that do video production for the local university's athletics video boards. When I started, there was a guy named Steve. A couple of years later, they hired another guy named Steve. Because it's apparently unacceptable to have two people with the same name, Steve 2 became Gus. I actually didn't meet him when he was first hired, and he was introduced to me as Gus. I didn't know his name was actually Steve for probably 2 years, if not longer.
Every year in school I had to correct my teachers on the first day of class because they would use my first name and I go by my middle name. Well one year I didnt correct my first period teacher so she used my first name the entire year, which was fine until her and my third period teacher were having a conversation about me while I was in the room. Awkwardness ensued for 7th grade me but I learned a valuable lesson about aliases that day.
I let the ups guy at work call me the wrong name for months, until he heard someone else call me by my real name. I was outed. It was exactly as awkward as you think
I have 5 names that are next to impossible for the average english speaker to pronounce correctly on the first try.
I have so many different variations of what people call me I generally justcrespond to any loud noises or eye contact.
A regular customer at work (fish and chip shop) was talking to a coworker one night about why her dad wasn't working there that night. He leaves and I give her a funny look, she says "yeah, he thinks other coworker is my dad, and it's too awkward to correct him now".
Grenyn ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even worse are people who you correct but then they still call you the wrong name. So you either work up the courage to correct them multiple times or you eventually just deal with being called a different name.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:31:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my neighbors is a giant asshole. I know damn well that his name is Larry, but I intentionally fuck it up every time I talk to him. John, Bob, Chris, Gary, Brent, Chad... I call him whatever name pops into my head when I see him. Been going on for close to 2 years now. He barely talks to me at this point which I am totally fine with.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he developed multiple personality disorder and has become a social recluse.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a sixth grade teacher REFUSE to call me by chosen name. My real name and nickname are one letter off, and both are normal acceptable common names. Teacher just thought my real name was prettier. Had to correct classmates who didn't know me as well. Bleurgh.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can kinda see where they're coming from, some people are iffy about names.
But they should respect chosen names if the name is commonly used by your friends and such. At that point the chosen name is your name for everything except paperwork.
I dislike my name a lot, so I also kind of get where you are coming from. I tried to change my name, but by more than just one letter. Chose a cringy name though, so I regret the whole ordeal.
Now I still go by my actual name, and have completely illegitimized me wanting a different name.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used my chosen name for paperwork. Why the heck would I encourage her to call me by real name? Of course this was elementary school.
Why not legitimately change your name? I don't hate my real name, so I never bothered to legally change mine. But if you can legally change yours, why not?
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been called Larry twice in as many days now. I don't get it. Who is Larry?
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this happened to me. After 2 years of calling me "Steve", my neighbor heard a friend call me by my real name on the day I was moving out.
"Your name isn't Steve?"
"Ahh, no. But, I mean, a lot of people call me Steve, I guess. Not a big deal"
"... People call you Steve even though it's not your name?"
"Uhh, ... Yep. Yeah, some folks. I mean, not a lot, but, like..."
"Okay. Why?"
OMG it was crazy awkward. Good thing I was moving and never saw him again.
A few of my coworkers pronounced my name wrong for 9 years. At first I didn't correct them because it didn't really matter, but after a while I was just impressed we could sit in meetings where everyone else said it right and they just stuck to their guns and said it wrong.
That changed recently. I think someone told them and ruined all my fun.
Sojio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gary?
RNbai ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:17:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chandler?
Bezzzzo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this with a co-worker. He called me by the wrong name, it was a similar name so i just assumed he would eventually realise my actual name since we worked together with about 20 others who all knew my correct name. Aftee a week or so i felt too awkward to correct him. 8 months or so later someone must have told him and he called me by my real name. Was very awkward silence for a moment, then i just pretended like it never happened. We never spoke about again either.
Berowalt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I am your neighbor except Iโve evolved. I have such a hard time remember names that itโs on the verge of just being rude. Since before high school, now I generalize everyone. On more than one occasion I thought the name was wrong and have been wrong.
Just play it safe.
I used to go to a small food shop in college. For 4 years, the owner called me by a different name because I didn't correct him the first time. (I did make an attempt once, but I mumbled it and he asked, "What was that, [real name]?" I said "Nothing," and moved on.
I went back to the shop the first time THREE years later, and he somehow remembers my name still! Of course, it was the wrong one. My significant other was with me during that trip, and she was thoroughly confused and I had to explain to her later on.
Similarly I've let my barber call me another name for at least a year if not more. Didn't change until my mom came in to buy something from the barber shop and said my name. Then his kids heard my real name said once and kept reminding him it wasn't Bob like he thought it was. He slips still but he catches himself. Actually kinda liked being Bob though. It was a different name so in a way it was kind of like being a different person too. For the short time I was there I could be Bob and not u/SortaBlackKindaWhite.
Eli-Cat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:27:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this really vivid memory even though it happened a long time ago. I had this teacher when I was a kid who thought my name was slightly wrong (think "Anna" instead of "Anne").
For the first year I wasn't sure if I just wasn't hearing the A or not, and when I realized he didn't know my real name it was too late.
Fast forward 5 years later and my friend realizes our teacher has been calling me the wrong name for 5 years and points it out ("her name is actually Anne"). His response?
"I've been calling her Anna for 5 years, why would I stop now?"
One of my neighbors, he wasn't right in the head after years of drugs, called me George. I never corrected him either. As I got older I realized it was more of a nickname because I was very curious and getting into everything. Curious George.
A guy in my hometown still calls me the wrong name because Iโve never corrected him. My whole family (even extended family that only visits for holidays) is in on it now and doesnโt bat an eye when he calls me Heather and I respond.
I have a less than common name, so if people don't get it right after the 2nd time I just allow them to call me the wrong thing so I get a bit of a chuckle everytime we met again.
This happened to me with a coworker I don't see very often; they called me by a similar name, so by the time it registered to me that they said it wrong, it felt too awkward to correct. And then I never corrected them until a year or so later when they happened to say my "name" with someone who did know my name and asked "wait, what did you just call him?" It ended up being even more awkward for them as they tried to recover, and I ended up feeling bad :/
OH! This happened with a teacher and then eventual co-worker of mine. She was a teacher and thought my name was something it wasn't. I was an awkward teenager and didn't correct her for 4 years. I graduated, she switched jobs, and we ended up being co-workers. She would then greet me every day as this wrong name. after two more years I corrected her. I couldn't handle it anymore.
I spent my whole high school of people calling me by my first name, but my parents always called me by my middle name. When I started high school I didn't want to explain it every time why I did that. Im too socially awkward to explain it lol
Cwmcwm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:57:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my neighbor said his name was Bud. I called him Bud for two years. He drove a truck for a Miller distributor. I asked him if his coworkers gave him crap about his name. He said โuhh, no.โ On the day he moved away, he told me his name was Mike.
My neighbor constantly calls me by the wrong name. I think it's a memory thing, because she's heard my roommate say my name. I don't correct her though, we've been neighbors for 8 years...
So I used to work with a really good friend of mine and weโd often go get coffee together. On our way to the coffee weโd frequented encounter a rather awkward coworker who somehow had mixed up our names, calling us by each otherโs name. Neither of us ever bothered to correct him. It was very funny when other coworkers would hear him greet us and get confused.
Best part was that company policy was to have our corporate badges with our names on them on us at all times. Dude would call me the wrong name while a hunk of plastic with my name on it was hanging around my neck.
Sidenote, my teacher for the last 2 semesters has been calling me brad...
Not sure how Iโm still getting my grades, he never mentions anything about it.
Just called me brad the first time and wonโt stop.
When I was in college there was this sweet old lady who worked in the sandwich line. Every time she saw me she told me I looked like her friend Nancy. After we came back from winter break she just started calling me Nancy and I could never bring myself to correct her.
oh god, you made me remember that I did that too (not for 7 years, that's something else) but it did go on for months, and we talked every single day. Finally she heard someone else say my actual name (and me respond), and just went off on me. Of course I totally deserved it.
Dude, were you my neighbor about five years ago? I called this dude Keith the entire two years I lived at that place, damn near everyday, and two weeks after we moved I found out he had said T and not Kieth. He never once corrected me that whole time.
Ha, I had that too. Lasted about 5 years then he randomly started calling me by my actual name. Another neighbour must have told him. I certainly didn't. He probably thinks I'm kinda strange to let it go for so long.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let a teacher do that for a semester in college. There wasn't many things to turn in for the theater elective. Last day giving out finals... "who is the1liner?!" I walk up and she turns beet red. I felt bad I let it go so long at that point.
I found out I was doing this to a girl for like 6 months. I was so upset she never told me. To be fair my boss loved Celine Dion and hired her because her name is Celynn (se-lynn), so she didn't wanna fuck it up.
setbnys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have a winner!
T_Peg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently I've been pronouncing my friends name wrong going close to 20 years. He just rolled with it and I'm an idiot
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my old job I had a coworker call me Jerry for nearly 2 months (my name is Jesse) because I talk quietly and never really had a reason to correct him, i'm living Jerry's life now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get that donut from Bob, Chandler M. Bing? OR SHOULD I SAY TOBY?!!
I think Iโm that neighbor. I forget what I called him, but one day you, or he, was helping me with something and the looked at me and said, โWhy do you keep calling me @#$&* when my name is *&$#@?โ
Whatโs really weird is that none of the neighbors corrected me either, but they all knew who I was talking about.
Ooh. When I was a shy teenager I met this guy who misheard my name and called me something else. I actually ended up going by the name he called me after that (to this day some 16 years later).
Have a client of four years now.. I still havenโt corrected her even though every time I see a note made out to my name spelt wrong I tell myself today is the day I will... luckily she pays me in cash
ShadowSt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know someone whom I've known for that long and she always has a different name for me. What's weird is I went to school with her, she knew my name then, but after we graduated we bumped into each other at events where we both have name tags, yet she never gets my name right.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have two guys at work who have become so used to their names being mispronounced that not only do they avoid correcting people, they also actively avoid giving a direct answer when straight-up asked how it's pronounced.
Tenored ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar situation, I have a somewhat tough last night and I prefer the full version of my first name, not the shortened version (think Mike/Michael)
At my last job, during orientation the guy said my first and last name incorrectly and I was too afraid to correct him. So for the next 3.5 years I was called a name I hated, and by the wrong last name. I thought every time I heard it to correct them, but it wouldโve been more embarrassing.
Beat ya, going on 11 years. He's a pastor, I can't correct him......didn't even think twice returning my mail with my real name on it. Yes, I put that mail in his mailbox to prompt a correction.
Elvysaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll do you one better. I had a friend in high school, not super close but we talked quite a bit and we always called each other by nicknames. I didn't know his real name for 3 years because I felt awkward asking after forming such a "close" bond. We didn't have any classes together so it was easy to just not learn it.
One time someone called him by his real name and I legit was like "who the fuck is Roderick?".
I was really anxious for one of my first adult meetings that I was doing so I looked up the person I was meeting with and when they came in to shake my hand I introduced myself as them.
They thankfully laughed it off and just said, "no, that's my name". I cringe everytime I think about it.
Oh God I had almost repressed the memory, but I've done this. In a group, introductions going around. I was really nervous because my crush was there and I accidentally said his name instead of my own name.
I shook someone's hand and introduced myself as Greg. I'm a chick.
I met a new classmate at the start of my study. We got to talking on our way to the introduction event and I introduced myself by extending my hand for a handshake and saying "u/DenSjoeken". He started acting all weird and confused which made me worry if I had maybe said something weird or whatever. Turns out he had (and still has) the same first name, so he thought someone he'd just met and hadn't introduced himself to just called him by his first name.
We have a saying here in Denmark. Loosely translated it is "What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows with" :-)
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 06:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed the perfect opportunity to get Greg to introduce himself as you and suddenly y'all have a "thing" and thats your in to do the other "thing" with him.
Me too....a few times... so glad to hear I'm not the only one with identity crisis when anxiety kicks in... haha..
and then they're all laughing light-heartedly and I'm just trying not to die, concealing buckets of sweat somehow...
I've moved to Scotland recently and the people have pretty strong accents I'm still getting used to. I'll introduce myself with name and they'll reply with theirs. Except I always think they're saying mine again for some reason and correct them. Then I turn into a flustered huff of your name wait my name huh?
I've also done this. We were all going around shaking hands and introducing ourselves as part of the first day of class. Half of us had other classes together so we knew one another. I'm a heterosexual male and shaked another mans hand, let's call him Mark. "Hey ISpyALegend, I'm Mark........no I'm not I'm ISpyALegend and you're Mark."
That was years ago and it still hurts to think about.
That'd be rough, couldn't add like an "ina" to the end of it to make it a female name either, not that most male names are possible to do that.
This was funny, I still feel for you though. I've repressed a lot of awkward interactions I've had and this thread is bringing some of them to light and making me cringe and laugh all at the same time at myself and the people sharing.
My ex boyfriend did this ๐ he introduced himself to my brother, as my brothers name.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:21:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit he could have committed and totally ruined your relationship with your bro. "No ya thats my name, she didnt tell me her bro was also Joe..." No matter what you say your brother would forever think you had a thing for him
I have a unisex name too! I one hooked up with a guy with my same name it was... weird lol
& my first name doubles as a last name, there was someone I was interested in but his last name was my first name so it never wouldโve worked out... I wouldโve been like Moon Moon
Darty96 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:45:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my sister's wedding, I was one of her husband-to-be's best men. When I was introducing myself to his mother, I got my words mixed up.
"Hi, I'm the Bride's sister."
I felt myself die a little more inside that day.
They since got a divorce. I felt terrible for my sister, but I am not disappointed that I'll never have to see that woman again in my life.
Wow I feel dumb. I totally thought you were a girl, so I was like "these people are really original for choosing a girl as the groom's best men" and I had to read your post a few times, unable to see where you screwed up until my mind finally click.
So just to be sure, you're a dude right?
"these people are really original for choosing a girl as the groom's best men"
I've actually been at a few weddings were that is the case, and Man of Honor for the Bride. I think it's becoming more common to not worry about Groomsmen being men, and Bridesmaids being maids women.
Darty96 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:35:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I am a dude.
leadabae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I introduced myself to my son's teacher "Hi I'm [Son's name]." Super awkward I was like "actually no I'm not I'm [son's ] mum". Have avoided going to school for anything since!
I did this at a conference recently.As I was introducing myself I read their name tag, and it just came out as "Hi, I'm 'name'... no, wait, that's you!" Then to make it worse, I started to giggle from nerves. She avoided me after that.
sethdj ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:13:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this too. I was super shy when I was younger and was going to be introduced to a friend of a friend who I had been told about before. I introduced myself as them.
When being introduced by another person I inadvertantly say "This is -my name-" before the person introducing me does. I don't know why, hopefully it comes off as playful or something.
Hi Robert Grayson, I'm Mark Corrigan.
Hi Robert Grayson, pleased to meet you.
Hi Mr Grayson, pleased to meet you.
Hi Mr Grayson, pleased to meet you.
"Hi, I'm Robert Grayson, pleased to meet you."
I did the same fact freaking thing. I started a new job and one of the managers introduced himself saying โHi Iโm Brett.โ I replied with โHi Iโm Brett.โ I was even wearing a name tag. Fml.
I was just starting off my career. The guy I was meeting with was a consultant to my boss. My boss wanted me to meet with him and get all the info I could so I could basically do what the consultant was originally brought in to do. They were friends and the company is pretty laid back so it wasn't like he was mad to lose a client or anything just passing information along mostly. But I had never met him and it's one of those things where you're new at something and have to meet with someone who knows way more than you. Also no introductions because my boss was very busy with other things. Hence why he hired me.
scotems ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:23:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough... Still, really bizarre phrase.
awash907 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When something like this happens it helps to turn it around. How much would you have cared if that person introduced themselves as you? Youโd probably think it was a bit funny, and maybe even a welcome display of humanity. In any case you would have forgotten about it rather quickly.
Yea its just that I frequently run into him in my professional life now. We're cool and we joke about stuff but it's like looking back at myself back then... I've come a long ways... It was just such an uncomfortable time.
This reminds me of a time, I think in middle school, when a friend had a birthday party at a big climbing wall. I was pretty far up the wall and the instructor/belay guy shouted up to me asking "what's your name?" but I heard "what's her name" and figured he was asking me the name of my friend's sister who was standing next to him. It never crossed my mind that that would be an insane thing for him to do, so I shouted back her name.
astro143 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend start an interview by saying "hi, I'm you!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao, i had a similar incident. I was at starbucks and ordering a drink for my boyfriend at the time who was outside, when the cashier asked for my name i accidentally said his name - because it was his drink. Im a girl and his name was Frank, it was the most awkward pause ever
raechuuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Sam Sparks, I'm America!
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would of been funnier if you went over discussing his life story
xl_cr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dying
kpc45 ยท 23270 points ยท Posted at 16:50:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran into a past coworker at a bus depot, had nothing really to talk about and it got awkward fast. A bus came and the guy said this is me, it was the one I was waiting for too but I didn't get on cause what the hell would happen if I did. Made it worse as he got on I said drive safe.
Awwwwww. Same. I have a soft spot in my heart for clean comedy, it was stuff I got to listen and share with my parents. I had to hide my dirty David Cross stuff though x.x
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:13:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take luck and care for the luck you may have when you take care of it!
Yeah. One time my dad hit the call button instead of the send button at the bank. When the teller asked if there was anything else, instead of admitting to the mistake, he said, "yeah, make it snappy."
In the drive thru, the machines use pneumatic tubes to move items from the customer to the teller. The call Burton alerts the teller. The send button sends the little carrier tube.
Whenever someone says they gotta go to work, I always reply "Have fun". I do it on purpose. Its sarcastic because people don't usually have fun at work, and serious because I'm basically telling them to have a good day.
milkfree ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:28:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me when I went to a diner and this girl got my drinks before the waitress and as she's leaving she says enjoy your meal!. I go and reply thanks you too!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:35:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heruuna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:15:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, for the longest time I had never said anything like that. I always thought how dumb it was for people to slip up so easily. Then, in the span of two months, I said "Love You" to a cashier when I meant to say "Lovely, thank you", "You Too" to a waiter telling me to enjoy my meal, and "Have Fun" to a friend that was going to a clinic in another state for surgery for melanoma.
When I worked at the airport I would wait at the plane door to see if any carry ons needed to go in to the cargo hold for lack of space in the cabin. As people would walk past me to board I would say "Have a good flight" 75% of the people would turn and say "thanks, you too." Some realized what they had said and had an awkward giggle, others just kept on moving .
hamilc19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:19:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I do it all the time. Phone a customer then say thanks for calling before hanging up. Hang my head then me and my colleagues end up in stitches laughing
Own that shit and they'll usually assume you're joking.
I was made fun of for pretty much everything in middle school.
I pronounced marijuana "mary-joo-annah" one time, and nobody corrected me and nobody teased me about it. I thought "that was decent of them, that one time"
In retrospect they probably thought I was being ironic.
Once while taking my ride out from my parking space, some random guy on his bike asked me whether I was parking or taking it out. I said out. And said Bye while I drove away.
Own that shit and they'll usually assume you're joking.
I was made fun of for pretty much everything in middle school.
I pronounced marijuana "mary-joo-annah" one time, and nobody corrected me and nobody teased me about it. I thought "that was decent of them, that one time"
In retrospect they probably thought I was being ironic.
Yes! I'd say the smirk/wink would have better success among people you're not close with but a good friend will be on the same wavelength for the stone-face approach.
For some reason there has been this plague recently of Americans using the word โwhilstโ instead of โwhile.โ
Iโve also noticed a lot of Americans are putting the dollar sign after the numeral when writing about American dollars (like 5$ instead of the correct $5). Itโs Like they are writing about euros or are simply writing dollar amounts out like they sound phonetically (which gives the impression that theyโve never read and havenโt seen dollar amounts listed on paper.)
Mooide ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:11:16 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure I understand. Is that not the correct usage of "whilst"? Or is your problem merely with Americans using it at all?
Elsewhere ITT: โI ran into a past coworker at a bus depot, had nothing really to talk about and it got awkward fast. A bus came and I said โthis is meโ. It really wasnโt the one I was waiting for, but I got on cause what the hell would happen if I waited at this bus stop with him for five more minutes. What made it worse was that asI got on, he said โdrive safeโ.
I ride the train every day and so do several coworkers I barely know... this happens constantly. Iโve started just showing up to the train wearing headphones and nodding hello, then when we all get off I just slowly fall to the back of the group.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:13:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve done this before but with walking the same way. You run into someone and it turns out after youโve talked for a moment that theyโre going the same way as you...so you turn around and go the opposite way
So close. The politeness etiquette is so close between the two. That awkward shame politeness is hilarious. If Americans were even slightly alike I would love it.
Saw a woman on the London underground with half her skirt tucked into the back of her knickers. Nobody told her cos that would be awkward and embarrass her..
I was kinda did the opposite. I had recently moved and was going to school and needed to change buses. There was a guy in my class I wasnโt really friends with also waiting, and when a bus turned up that seemed to be the wrong one I saw him get on and followed instead of thinking for myself. After a couple minutes he asked why I was there. Turns out he was skipping school that day.
To make it worse, it was on the way to an exam and I was a bit late because of that and did shitty. And that guy just skipped it, got a doctors note, and got an automatic average score that was higher than mine
Mv630 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:46:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me when someone says "Have a good workout" or "have a nice dinner" and I automatically say "you too" since I'm used to the usual of being told to have a good day.
I have a bus-related one too! I use the bus to commute to University and back. You need to yank a cord to ask the driver to stop at your stop. Once the driver forgot the open the rear doors when I needed to get down at my stop.
Usually youโd shout out to ask them to open the back door but I was too awkward to do that in a bus full of people. I waited for the next stop and got down there. It was 3 stops away from where I had to get down.
gtnover ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't even his, he just couldn't do small talk any longer.
I did the same thing but on subway. Then, after saying I was not getting this one, I noticed we were at a line that all trains go to the same destination. Had to improvise and say I accidentally was on the wrong side. It didn't help either.
I do the same thing kind of... if Im leaving class with a classmate, once we've said goodbye, I'll go the opposite way as them so I won't feel weird about saying goodbye yet still walking alongside them. Even if that's the way I need to go.
I ran into a friend of a friend in the airport waiting for a plane back home. I really only barely knew her but you have to be nice. I assume it's going to be just a quick chat but then of course we are on the same plane and she sits with me. It's horrifically awkward because at the time I had massive social anxiety and I'm just praying to get on the plane because there's no way we will sit together.
When they are calling zones I jump up as soon as I'm called since it's a shitty excuse to move. I board and think all is well. Then here she comes and sits in a seat directly in front of me. Oh but it's better. Because on this particular plane the front most seat actually faces backwards. We spend the entire flight locked in place staring at each other..
I took a huge bite of donut right before someone asked me a question during a work meeting. Instead of waiting or holding up a finger to say 'just a moment,' I tried to swallow it and started choking to death.
Edit: I did eventually stop choking to death.
Twwoo39 ยท 2395 points ยท Posted at 22:27:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs a good thing you didnโt finish choking to death!
I worked at a movie theater and we could munch on left over food so I was eating a pretzel bite right as a customer walked up to my vending stand and I didn't wanna chew in front of them so I like swallowed this pretzel bite almost whole. It went down rough.
Reminds me of the time I had some gum in my mouth and someone called me into a meeting and I sat there with this gum wedged up by my teeth the whole time, barely talking so they didn't notice, while the mint flavour burned a hole in my gums.
This is the only comment that made me literally laugh out loud. Not even a nose exhale. I literally laughed. Sorry for laughing at your misfortune but that was funny.
leadabae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coworker: well fine if you really didn't want to talk that bad...
darlini ยท 2888 points ยท Posted at 18:21:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My work friend and I were working on a sort of secret project in a big closet that's behind a conference room. We were almost finished when people started filing into the room, so we quietly closed the door and continued working, figuring it would be a quick meeting. Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass, and oops! Now we're in too deep and can't leave without it being awkward. We were in there for nearly an hour before my friend finally gives up and opens the door to the room. We profusely apologize to our coworkers for interrupting as they sit there stunned. Of course instead of just being people we knew who we could laugh it off with, there were a couple of people visiting from one of our international offices and some of our international vendors. They probably think it's standard for the US branch to stuff younger employees in a closet now.
My work friend and I were working on a sort of secret project in a big closet that's behind a conference room. We were almost finished when people started filing into the room, so we quietly closed the door and continued working, figuring it would be [a] quick [meeting]. Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass, and oops! Now we're in too deep ...
shinarit ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 08:56:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think stuffing employees is kinda self explanatory. They... stuffed each other.
zpuma ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:46:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They explained(or pitched) the offices new ingenious Closet Building Coworker training to increase cooperative teamwork! รinstant promotions!ร
Nmanga90 ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 23:09:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So why were you working in a closet in the first place?
darlini ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 23:44:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The โsecret projectโ was decorations for a surprise birthday thing for our boss and we didnโt want her to see. The closet is actually bigger than the meeting room FWIW.
When I was around 5 or 6 I was playing at a friend's house outside and I was too nervous to ask to use the bathroom (plus I had never gone inside their house) so I peed my pants and left without saying anything lol.
I was at a mates place with a group of about 8 of us and we were playing a board game of some sort laughing and joking. Mid laugh one of the girls just stopped and said everyone had to leave the room. She called the host back in... who after a few mins called us back in.. both she and the chair were missing.
We felt bad for her and all agreed to not bring it up again... so of course it randomly comes up and we all piss ourselves laughing.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 08:26:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
we all piss ourselves laughing.
Nice to see some solidarity.
[deleted] ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 16:35:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How old was she when this happened? Poor girl ahah
OMG I had something really similar. I never really had good control of my bladder, so when I had to go, I HAD TO GO. Unfortunately, I just so happened to be on the trampoline with my friend when the urge hit. I often tried to sit on my heel to get it under control, but my friend thought I was just playing a game. I was too embarrassed to tell her I needed to pee, so she proceeded to jump near me in an attempt to get me to fall over.
I ended up pissing myself, and a small puddle was left where I had been sitting. I was happy that I didn't have to go anymore, until the unthinkable happened. My friend though, for some ungodly reason, that there just so happened to be a puddle of plain water where I had been sitting. She then decided to show me how much she enjoyed JUMPING IN AND LANDING ON A PUDDLE OF WATER THAT WAS ACTUALLY MY PEE. Like, full on jumping towards it and landing with her ass in my shame.
I left for home almost immediately, but when I confessed to my dad what had happened, he decided to punish me by making me go back and clean it up myself. So traumatized little me had to knock on their door, admit to both my friend and her mother exactly what happened, and clean up their trampoline by myself while they watched.
Idk, I guess it was supposed to be a punishment. I mean, he couldn't just let me think it was okay to piss on someone else's trampoline, but it's not like I learned a "valuable life lesson" that day.
I don't recall her reaction. I feel like I avoided all eye contact at the time, and probably waited a while before seeing her again. We were like, five or six years old at the time, so things like this were quickly forgiven and we stayed friends until I moved away (we were next-door neighbors). I have no idea who all knows besides myself, and I hope nobody else involved remember.
I'm mostly surprised that you also did the heel sitting thing. My sister's the only other person I've seen do that. I hope your friend didn't bounce in it though, lol.
I thought I was the only one who did that too ๐ Iโve done it many times, which probably isnโt good... because I got myself into a lot of awkward situations. I donโt remember them bouncing in it though hahaha
I remember being IN A BATHROOM but not being able to make it to the stalls, so I just sat on my foot right behind the door. And adult came in and I just lied through my teeth like "yeah I'm just hiding here. No I don't want to move."
Aw no way! Iโve been in a bathroom before and had to sit down on my heel in the cubicle..... hashtag weakbladderprobs. Hashtag onekidneyworkingprobs
-SSB- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:40:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only have one kidney too! Except I'm a dude and sitting on my heel only works for when I gotta poop. When I'm I about to pee and can't make it to a stall I just urinate in my underwear a little and try to make the rest in a urinal/stall๐ it's terrible but whatever keeps me from completely wetting my pants, ig.
Well I have both but one of them only works 20% so itโs practically dead to me because it barely does itโs job. I donโt do it anymore as itโs nowhere near as bad as it was when I was a child!
When I was a kid, I had a friend who was like the exact opposite. We had rode our bikes like a mile away from my house, and he had to pee really badly. Instead of holding it until we rode back to my house, he knocked on the door of SOME RANDOM PERSON's house and asked if he could use their bathroom. And they fucking let him.
I did this when I was 9. I was at my friend's gran's house with a couple of other people and we were playing baseball in the garden. I had the misfortune of not knowing I needed the toilet until the absolute last minute but I was too shy to ask to use the toilet so I ended up peeing myself. My friend took me to the toilet and then made me roll up my trousers and sit in the sun to get them to dry off. I wish I'd just asked to use the loo cause drying urine soaked jeans in the sun isn't all that fun.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:43:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing on a six flags ride when I was about 7. I was with a friendโs family and didnโt want to tell them I had to go to the bathroom, so I just peed my pants on the ride and pretended I had sat in some liquid when they pointed it out. I sat on my legs the whole way home so I wouldnโt get pee on their car.
bomnjom ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:24:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar when I was a kid. :( Looking back on that made me realize I've had some social anxiety for a long time now.
I did something similar, but unfortunately I had to poop. I suggested a game of hide and seek, squatted behind a bush and took a dump right in the yard. My friend's little brother saw me do it and called me out in front of everyone. So embarrassing. I had blocked it out of my memory completely before reading this.
I had a similar issue when I was about 14 and hanging out at a friend's place. For some reason I was too embarrassed to admit that I needed to use the bathroom, and just made up some dumb excuse for why I had to leave.
He noticed me doing the pee-pee dance and was like "Uh, the bathroom's right there." But I doubled down, insisted that I didn't have to use the bathroom, and just left. Speed-walked to the nearby grocery store, emptied my bladder, and went home.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:41:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you rather pee in a public bathroom then your friends
I was maybe 9 or 10, with my mom and brother at a friends house. Their only bathroom door didn't have a lock, so I knocked and thought I heard the dad respond saying he were in there. I waited and waited, finally just ran outside and peed my pants in the backyard.
I somehow managed to find my mom without anyone noticing and we hightailed it out of there. Later found out the dad wasn't even home, no one was in the bathroom.
I hate when people shut their bathroom doors when no one is in there! At my house, we never locked our bathroom doors, and closed door = occupied. So as a shy kid that hated knocking, I had so much anxiety about going to the bathroom at other people's houses.
My family had the same system. Had an ex who would CONSTANTLY walk in on me using the bathroom without knocking, because ex's family all locked their bathroom door when it's in use.
klye7952 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:17:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo! I did that once, too. Except it was at my boss's dad's boss's house, and I was like ten, and I was inside playing with his daughter, and I had to run through the house with wet sweatpants to find my dad to tell him I needed to go home...
My daughter did this at school about two weeks ago. She's in kindergarten, and she was too afraid to ask to use the bathroom, so she just peed her pants. Then she was too afraid to tell her teacher she peed her pants, so she sat in wet pants all day. Let me tell you how great she smelled when she came home.
This happened to me once, in class.
Let me start this by saying: Conveniently, in elementary, everytime I had to use the bathroom, we would be in line going to or from somewhere and we would always take bathroom breaks as a class. So I literally never had to ask a teacher if I could use the bathroom. Up until now.
So I was in the first grade at this time. And we were in art class coloring or drawing or something. The art teacher was doing something at her desk. She didn't look too busy, but I had never ever asked to go to the bathroom before.
I was really nervous that my classmates would watch me walk up to her and stuff. So I just waited until everyone was completely busy and then I walked up to the teacher's desk, and I asked her if I could use the bathroom. I don't know if she didn't hear me or if she didn't see me, or if she even answered me, because she didn't look up from whatever she was doing nor did I hear her answer. I was too shy to ask again so I acted like I was throwing something in the trash can (which was right beside her desk) and then I went back to my seat.
I tried so hard to hold it in until the end of the class because I knew that on the way back to our real classroom, we would be stopping by the bathrooms. But my 7-year-old bladder couldn't handle it. I burst. I just peed in my seat. When I was done, I tried to soak up as much pee as I could with my butt/back of my pants. For the rest of the class, I was basically just sitting in my own pee. When the class was over, I took off the jacket I was wearing and tied it around my waist to hide the wetness on my pants. To this day, I have no idea if anyone noticed or smelled it.
edredrex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:19:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar story from when I was 5 or 6. Teacher was explaining something to us about different shapes and colors and the whole class was listening to her attentively. I had to pee extremely bad but was way too nervous to ask because it was so quiet and I would have to interrupt the teacher and then everyone would know. Only after I had started to pee myself in my seat I raised my hand and said I needed to use the bathroom. She said I could go, I started crying whilst peeing and sobbed it was too late already. Good thinking little me, way less awkward than interrupting the teacher.
Yup I did this once. I was at a very rich friend's house so I wasn't sure if I would be allowed to use the bathroom. Pissed myself, all my friends saw me do it, and I just left.
Worst part was I still wet the bed at the time and for some reason the next day I didn't feel like changing out of my dry pull-ups and went to hang out with the same friends. The topic of underwear came up for no reason, they all showed theirs and made me show mine... Then proceeded to mercilessly make fun of me.. I didn't go back for a long time. Surprised I even went back that day.
Reminds me of when I was in kindergarten. I had such social anxiety that one time when we had a substitute teacher, I was so afraid to ask if I could use the potty that I just peed my pants...
Oh man. One time I went to my grandma's third husband's mom's house (yeah, that's a mouthful) and I went to pee but there was a bunch of gross looking shit in the toilet and instead of flushing the toilet and going about my business, I left the bathroom and peed my pants while sitting on the porch. Then got in my grandma's car and she yelled at me when we got home.
I did this the first day of first grade !!! I was such a shy kid and I couldn't hold it anymore so I just peed right there at my desk ๐ซ the kid next to me was like wtffff lol
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:32:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy repressed flashback. I just remembered the first time I wore these new jeans in second grade. Anyway, after lunch I really had to go to the bathroom. So I took the pass and I went to do my business. Well, being 8, I couldnโt figure out the fly. I donโt know if the zipper was stuck or I was just helpless. I couldnโt do it. So I went back to class and it was reading time. The teacher was reading and we were all at our desks and she was walking around the room.
Well, I really had to go. So I did. And I couldnโt stop. And I felt the warmth in my crotch and running down my leg. I was paralyzed with fear. I gripped my desk and it just kept coming. And the puddle in my chair got deeper while my face was turning fire shades of red. Then it started overflowing and streaming on the floor.
While I sat there frozen in shame and confusion, my teacher, or maybe Jesus Christ herself, somehow noticed (could have been the growing puddle or the fact that one of her students looked like he was being electrocuted by his desk) and asked the girl, Emma, next to me to start reading. In one motion she leaned down and put her hand on the back of my chair, whispered โgo to the nurseโ and as I stood moved my chair into the hall while simultaneously correcting Emma on the correct pronunciation of โletโs.โ As I bee lined for the door my friend Alex asked me what was wrong and I mumbled โI-donโt feel good.โ Made it to the nurse undetected and hung out in her back room for a couple hours waiting for my dad to bring in a change of clothes. Forever in debt to both Mrs. Wilson and Nurse Jane. When I returned to class not a single kid was the wiser. Amazing stuff.
Side note, after that I became really close with Nurse Jane (as close as an elementary student can be) and eventually met her daughter in middle school. We became really close friends and dated towards the end of high school/beginning of college, and spent a lot of time with her family. Didnโt last but we stayed really close. We both moved away but visited/stayed with one another when I was on a road trip and needed a place to crash, and when she was visiting the city I now live. Attended her backyard wedding last summer and smoked a few doobies with Nurse Jane behind their barn. Great people.
I did this exact same thing when I was around that age. My dad was working on a couple's car we knew from church. I tagged along. They set me up in a wooden chair in front of the tv. I was too shy to ask where the bathroom was so eventually I just let it go... weirdly my dad didn't notice until he saw
me get out of the car at home with my tshirt pulled down to my knees. So nonchalant...
In fourth grade I moved from a nice school with great teachers to one with horrible teachers. My teacher was the worst I've ever met. One day I had to pee really bad (I was born with a small bladder) and she was standing outside the class where I couldn't see her and I was too scared to get up to find her from the risk of being yelled at so I just sat at my desk and filled my pants with warmth.
in elementary school my fear of asking to go to the bathroom even at school or after class led to several incidences like that... now realize i have kidney problems. yikes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:07:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing except I just pooed on the lawn
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:26:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My 4 year old had a friend over and her mom asked her multiple time if she wanted to go to the bathroom before she peed her pants, sometimes kids are just too excited not necessarily too nervous to ask
Ulti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha, I also did this, I was a little younger though. I was not allowed back.
At a new year's party with people I kinda knew but wasn't comfortable with yet I went out to my car and pissed in a bottle. I also never asked for the really nice Pyrex dish I brought the chicken wing dip in back because I couldn't muster the courage to ask
I had a girl do that. In my bed. I was already up. She came downstairs and quickly excused herself. Went upstairs to find she'd peed herself in her sleep. It wasn't cute, she was 20.
My husband's best friend was pooping at his house when they were like 5. They were out of toilet paper so instead of calling for someone to bring him some, he wiped his ass with a washcloth, put it in the sink and left lol
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:05:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh jeez repressed memory triggered. I must have been 10 or so. Incredibly shy. Our family visits one of my parents friends while on holiday. We stay for a few days. I'm too shy to use the bathroom because the walls are so thin, so I just hold it in. Not enough beds to go around and I end up sharing with my dad. I have a dream where I'm standing next to a huge water fountain. Wake up to find myself pissing on my dad in bed.
Literally shat my pants several times because I was too afraid to use my friends bathroom. I lived down a long driveway and his house was just off of it. I would hold on until the last second every time before trying run home.
brearose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In kindergarten, the washroom door was closed and I was too scared to ask if anyone was in there. I ended up peeing my pants an hour later. No one was in there, someone had just accidentally closed the door.
Same thing happened to me but at my old neighbor's house!!! I wanted to hold it in but couldn't and peed in their hallway. They had carpet so I thought it would dry by the time they noticed, but they knew right away. The parents tried to keep a polite face but they definitely noticed.
aidalai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing, except I was 8 and couldn't speak English yet. At least that was my excuse in my head so I wouldn't have to relive the embarassment
xtz8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh geeze, so, I'm incredibly avoidant, it might even be a disorder, but i refused to ask to use the bathroom. THe most ridiuclous was that I was afriad of asking and when I finally asked after wetting myself, it was five feet away.
The same thing happened with me lol when I was 11. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.
klawver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL this was me at school almost everyday up to 1st grade.
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In elementary school, they make such a production over asking permission that it is almost calculated to cause such accidents and I think it bleeds over into everyday life. If I were a teacher, I would have at least one enlightened policy: if you have to leave the classroom urgently, just do so!
In elementary school I laughed so hard that I peed my pants, and was too embarrassed to say anything. We were just about to go outside for recess and I went over to a puddle and sat in it, and then acted all surprised, โoh hey, my pants are wet now!โ
wabojabo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:56 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing happened to me but I was fourteen! I'm not proud of it.
I did this when I was around 7. My parents dragged me to their friends house, and I was left alone to play with their kid. We were outside and it was getting late but I had such bad anxiety about asking for the bathroom, that I just peed my pants. My mom asked what happened and I said we were doing splits and the grass was wet from dew lol. she didn't buy it.
Limited edition :(. I don't suppose we can have Rick go on a tirade about Lime Skittles instead of some watered down hoisin sauce?
Ashmic ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:07:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They prove strawberry and cherry are the best ones solely by putting twice as much orange and lemon in the pack. Of course they are gonna give you the least amount of the best flavors! It's the same with pink,red and purple freezepops!
Iโve never heard anyone refer to the pink starbursts as โstrawberryโ ... but itโs a fact that everyone loves the pink starbursts
mrythern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never ever take things that donโt belong to me (guilt). I was on the boardwalk and grabbed a piece of taffy and tossed it in my mouth in the dark outside the shopโdouble wrapped so I learned ๐. Yuck ๐คข
602Zoo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
havron ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starburst are fine but I have given up on putting forth the extra, tedious, sticky effort of peeling off the bit of paper that always stays behind on Now and Laters. Fuck you, sad sorry excuse for a candy wrapper, I'm turning you into poo.
I think I remember eating gum with the wrapper still on. Not the foil ones. I feel like a friend was just being a dick and told me you could do that...
Huwbacca ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:29:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... what?
Like, how quickly did she approach you? You sound like a startled hamster trying to escape with food before the predator gets near.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:50:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah! I did the same thing in middle school with an Easter candy wrapped in foil. It was in the same bag as some malt eggs and I thought it would be cute and flirty to toss it in my mouth.
It was not cute. And all flirtiness was eliminated when I had to spit out a chewed mash of chocolate and aluminum.
It happens occasionally with severe sunflower seed withdrawals. Poor dood just couldn't handle quitting cold turkey.
Ulti ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:02:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, I used to do that occasionally in elementary school too. I think it was just one of those "I can, so why not!?" type decisions. Waxpaper isn't near as bad for your gut as plastic, I guess?
you naturally put a wrapped starburst in your mouth? Or the lady walked up to you so naturally that you had to eat a wrapped starburst?
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:47:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not the OP, but I think he's saying the way she walked up to him was like the way a friend would walk up to another friend. This made him feel anxious and he put the wrapped starburst in his mouth without thinking. But I'm just speculating.
Just have to unwrap it with your tongue, fold an origami cherry, then knot its stem. Easy.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:29:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with a Hershey's Kiss at a middle school dance. Girl I liked saw me, I tried to play it off like I did it on purpose and I started eating more. I'm retarded aren't I?
Viatical ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:12:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn read this 5 times.
A lady approached me so naturally, that I put a starburst in my mouth
A lady approached me so, naturally, I put a starburst in my mouth
A lady approached me so naturally that I wrapped a starburst in my mouth
Sorry about the incorrect grammar! Itโs the second two versions combined.
Viatical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha its cool! Everyone else seemed to get it idk why I had such a hard time ๐
Btw: Nice username!
I_am_DK ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:54:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you pulled the wrap out of your mouth in the shape of an origami crane. She came up to ask you for directions, she's unfamiliar with the area, you proceeded with anticipation and responded by telling her your name right?
I had a friend that would take the wrapped Starbursts and spend a while unwrapping them in their mouth. Then spit out the spit-soaked wrapper and eat the candy. They'd do that for every piece... Like, there's an easier and cleaner way to do that.
Benjeev ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:43:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone offered me a starburst once randomly on a train. I freeked out and said something like 'oh right you too'. She put the damn starbursts away though so I'd say it was a success
She may have thought you were flirting as they used to advertise that you were a good kisser if you could unwrap it in your mouth. Didn't realize as a kid that they were insinuating a different kind of kissing....
You could have unwrapped it with your tongue and sexily removed the wrapper from your mouth. And if you choked while attempting that stunt, maybe that lady would've given you the Heimlech Maneuver, during which the candy might even have Heimleched through the air only to land in front of another lady who would pick it up, shrug, and say "as long as it's wrapped."
When I was younger, one of my party tricks was putting a wrapped Starburst in my mouth and unwrapping it with my tongue. A lot of women were pretty interested in that one.
You can get wraps from the supermarket in the UK as sandwiches (Tesco Sweet Chilli Chicken represent!) which are super tasty. Anyway, the filling in the sweet chilli chicken one sometimes likes to sink to the bottom of the wrap and burst through the wrap when you bite into it. I was walking through town once and had just had such an explosion as I bit into it - so I just crammed the whole thing into my mouth to avoid too much mess. This would normally be OK, except that I made eye contact with a 10/10 fit girl just as I crammed this whole wrap into my mouth. How to be attractive 101.
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen this before. Someguy in a walmart parking lot going to his car was popping wrapped starbursts into his mouth...
McFagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story isn't finished. What did you do next?
Weft_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in primary school I had a crush on a girl, her younger brother was kind of a friend, so I'd hang out at their place every once in a while.
Thinking it would be weird to ask if I could hang out, I'd go for a run past their place and hope they'd notice me and invite me in.
It worked, but most times I had to turn back and run past at least 4 times before they'd invite me in..
jewmaz ยท 14342 points ยท Posted at 17:39:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I met a girl at summer camp who turned out was moving into the house behind mine. When camp ended, I wanted to hang out with her but didn't have the courage to just go knock on their door, so I would just scream her name from my yard ("Sarah from camp X! - I didn't know her last name) hoping she would come out. She didn't, I eventually told my dad who was like "you idiot", bought a plant, and went over to their house with me as a housewarming gift. It's been about 15 years and we're still friends.
EDIT: the plant was the gift, my father did not gift me into modern slavery
EDIT 2: I am still friends with the girl and my father!
EDIT 3: I am also a girl, was just quiet and awkward trying to making friends
My brother and the boy next door make loud whooping noises over the hedge when they are out playing in case the other is out too. It works for them lol
Koeida ยท 4323 points ยท Posted at 22:50:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should tell them to be careful as they may unintentionally summon a juggalo
In order to guard against accidentally summoning a juggalo just line your yard with magnets. Unable to understand the complexity of magnetism, the wild juggalo is left confused and afraid and oftentimes will retreat from whence it came.
Wait, is this, like, a thing? Do juggalos whoop and call to each other? I'm imagining it as a sort of echolocation that they'd do to find each other when they get separated in target.
It upsets me a great deal that the first time I click that I get "dogaroo" which is a guy commenting on a picture of a dog that looks like a kangaroo and is not a switcheroo at all.
KomicG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:27 on March 15, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not interested in having kids, but things like this sometimes make me reconsider. It must be satisfying as a dad to your idiot kid a boost in a situation like that.
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 23:23:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your Very First Wingman.. how touching.. :P
SemiBird ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:46:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was pretty clever of your dad to take you over as a housewarming gift. Then you're living with your crush, but you still get to see your parents who live so near. And your folks have a nice plant to remember you by!
He would not be this interested if she did not have it already.
eksyneet ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:00:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
bought a plant, and went over to their house with me as a housewarming gift
this reads like you were the housewarming gift.
ruok4a69 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:51:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to swing on my swing set and sing songs to the girl next door. She did hear me, to my utter humiliation. She told all her friends, and itโs stall awkward seeing her around town 35+ years later.
Similar experience. Went to summer camp, developed a crush, gave the girl my cellphone # but didn't get hers cause I'm dumb. Got a call maybe a month later and a voicemail saying something along the lines of "it's just not gonna work." Had no idea who left it or why until a few years later when it finally dawned on me that it was her.
When I was in Jr High, my family moved. We were living in a month to month type furnished apartment while waiting for our permanent home. One afternoon, I hear my name being yelled outside by a couple of boys just wandering around the complex looking for me. I thought my dad would take offense as I thought this was a rude way to find your friend - plus being a girl, I thought my dad would frown upon boys looking for me at all, but nope. Dad laughed and said his friends did the same thing when he was growing up. Apparantly yelling for your new friend in the general vicinity of their home is a thing. You aren't alone u/jewmaz!
I should imagine you're still friends seeing as your father gave you to them as a housewarming gift.
tigwyk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:43:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hooray I'm not the only one who did this! I used to go up to the front of our property and yell across the street in hopes the girls who lived there wanted to play. Feels so silly now.
I read your story the way you meant, but I'm very glad you shared those edits. I'm giggling so hard at the idea of your dad giving you away as a gift, buying a plant to replace you, and you still being friends after 15 years of that.
Fiocoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Judging by your edits, I think you've learned some valuable lessons on grammar. The internet is a harsh place, but they'll never let you be wrong.
thank you so much for this story. on the phone talking about some heavy shit and your story cracked me up so much I had to turn the phone away and laugh into my hand :)
Good story. Mine didn't end up the same. :( The guy that I had a crush in was living in the house behind me. I used to stand at the backyard and look into his house like a stalker hoping he will notice me until one day, they were having dinner and the mother closed the back door on me. 20 years later and he still didn't know I'm living behind him (we knew each other and was quite close).
I used to nanny for a 5 year old whose best friend from school lived across the apartment building across the street. My nanny kid would go out on her balcony and yell her friendโs name on the top of her lungs until the friend would hear and go out on their balcony and then theyโd basically say hi and that was it. They did have play dates sometimes which were usually coordinated via balcony via their Grandma and me.
I met a few really cool people at our caucus who live right across the street from me. At the end of the caucus I was like, "Hey, the next party we throw we will invite you over!" But I did throw a party for a few months, and then it felt weird to go over there and be like, "Remember me?" so now it's been like 8 months and I feel ashamed whenever I see them outside so I scurry into my house like a jerk.
Lol. When I was in third grade I would go to my best friends house and stand at the end of the driveway and just yell her name until she came out to play. "Lydia!, Lydia! Lydia!". Im not sure what I did when she couldn't come out and play.
Kinda reminds me of my 4 year old daughter. She will make friends with a kid at the playground, but no remember/bother to ask their name. So she will just call them, โNew Best Friendโ.
Itโs especially funny hearing her yell, โhey New Best Friend! Over here!!โ from across the playground.
I had a friend from school who lived behind my house and I'd go into her backyard and just yell her name until she came out. And if she didn't, I'd use her swing until she either did come out or I got bored and left.
The only time I ever went to her front door was when I went trick or treating.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 23:43:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friendzoned for life. That doesn't sound like a win.
phliuy ยท 5516 points ยท Posted at 17:56:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"why does thecoolrobot keep running past our house"
"I...I don't know...he but he doesn't stop until we invite him in"
saveface ยท 1597 points ยท Posted at 22:47:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to think that this is the real story
Truan ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 23:26:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's entirely plausible that they knew, but they also didn't notice him at first
Jwalla83 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 02:11:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to imagine him running like 10 feet past the house, turning around immediately, running 10 feet past in the other direction, and repeating for hours. The whole time he's just blatantly staring at the house, trying to peak through the windows, coughing loudly to announce his presence
"Hey son, it's your weirdass friend that runs back and forth in front of the house while rubbernecking. You know, the one that has a crush on your sister and hasn't learned to hide his erection yet... Why don't you invite him in for dinner, we're having spaghetti and I need to a good laugh"
I rode the bus in middle school and there was this cute boy I had a huge crush on in 6th grade. I knew he lived in my neighborhood, but not where exactly.
My bus stop was the one before his for drop off, so I would sprint home, with my giant book heavy bookbag bouncing, so that I could get there before the bus passed. And he could see where I lived. So that he might be walking by one day and think of me, and want to hang out.
A few months later, on the bus, he jokingly asked why I was always running home from the bus stop like an idiot.
And my response? In all my glory? I panicked and said "Oh, I guess I usually need to pee"
Limnir ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:12:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could've been his fetish. It was really hit or miss, there's no way you could've known.
Haha I did the same thing as a kid, but it was my next door neighborโs kids. Whenever I heard them swimming I would jump on our trampoline hoping they would invite me to swim. The hard part was not doing it every time they swam so you wouldnโt like a weirdo.
I used to have neighbors who had a pool. One of their daughters was my friend, and sometimes during the summer I'd see her playing out in the pool. Instead of asking if I could go swimming, like a normal human being would, I would go out on my deck (that overlooked their yard) and practice THE RECORDER. These are the memories that I lay awake at night, thinking about.
Trentkid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:26:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On Club Penguin and very mild porn, not on Askreddit
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:36:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend whose wife would only let him look at soft core porn. If she caught him looking at hard core porn she would throw a goddamn fit. So I imagine it's a bunch of very sad married men looking at very mild porn
hogger85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got my first phone at 14 I am now 33 and I was a late adopter in my school (well parents were as begged for months). I can imagine many nearly 30y/o would have had a phone at about 9.
Even though it's supposed to be humorous, that's probably not how it'd have gone down. It's probably more likely that they just assumed he was jogging or running through the neighborhood, like people actually do.
Ph4ntorn ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:07:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same sort of thing when I was about 5. I liked playing with the kids who lived across the street from me, but I was afraid to knock on their door (partially because they had yappy dogs, mostly because I was socially awkward). So, I'd sit outside my house hoping they'd come out and ask me to play. It usually didn't work.
I don't like how much I can relate to some of the thought processes in these comments.
Pedollm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:26:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same story I had a crush on this girl back when I was 8 and she was like 13 or 14. We were friends, we rode in the same bus to school and I was friends with her brother. So one day I saw on TV a way to make a frameโ out of macaroni and I was very shy to ask her so I wrote a note asking her for a picture of her to make a frameโ but I just told her I wanted a pic of her, I don't remember what happened but I know I didn't get a picture lol. Anyways now I cringe when I think about it haha
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh god this reminds me from when I was a kid. I had a kind of friend 2 houses down the street. I wanted him to come play outside. I knew he was there because I could hear him and his mom through an open window on the second floor.
But little me thought it was too akward to ring the door bell. So my tiny brain thought it was a really good idea to imitate a rooster in front of their open window to make them look out the window. Like I was strutting around and screaming the noise they make and all. I heared his mom say wtf kind of rooster she was hearing and sent my friend to check. So then I got him too come out side.
So I guess it's not stupid if it works or something...
HitMePat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:26:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your story just reminded me of a day I haven't thought of in probably 25 years. I was maybe 8-10 years old when I did it ...a few houses down from me was a girl in my school I had a crush on. I intentionally parked my bicycle infront of her house and took the chain off the gears, and pretended to work on fixing it for 10 or 15 minutes hoping maybe she would come outside, then put it back on and road away.
I'd run by this guy friends's work I had a crush on. It was 2 blocks from my house. Even if he saw me he'd barely acknowledge me. I then started seeing one of his co-workers. I ran by their work, the guy I was seeing got on his bike and chased after me.
We've been married 6 years now.
Limnir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:14:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's heartwarming. Congratulations :)
July9044 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:49:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I Did something similar except I'd go outside and fly a kite for like an hour till I got noticed lol
This is definitely one of the most relatable things I've ever read on reddit. I did the same thing but it was walking my family's dog instead of jogging. At least you were keeping fit.
I did the same thing when I was about 11. Except I'd only run by once (per day) and never saw her or got invited in. After about a week, the crush subsided, but I kept running - turned it into about a 4km run. That year in school, I won all the school track events and shocked the principal because this body was not built for speed. I still have a scar on my bicep where I crossed the line first in the 100m and the girls holding the string didn't let go and the tension burned me (I assume I also shocked them because I was so fast! /s). That minor injury was an ill omen. Tragically, the day before the city-wide track events, I sliced my leg open climbing over a chain-link fence and had to sit them out. Still have those scars too. Never really ran again.
Limnir ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just watched the running AI gif on the front page and imagined you running like that
linakun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger our neighbors behind us were having a huge birthday party, with a jump house and water balloons. Me, me sister, and our other neighbor were only slightly friendly with the neighbors behind us so we hadnโt been invited. We just stood at our fence staring at the kids having a fun time for maybe 25 minutes then once one of the parents realized we werenโt going away any time soon they came to our house to invite us. We had a blast lmao and became friends with those kids throughout my entire childhood and even through high school.
brearose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I had 2 best friends who lived in my neighbourhood. Life happened and we stopped talking. A year later, I really missed them but was too scared to visit, so I started talking my dog on really long walks through our neighbourhood, making sure to pass each house twice. I ended up losing 20lbs from it, and my dog was super happy.
I never saw one of them. Another of them saw me, but ignored me. The third one and I talked for a bit, but she said it was creepy that my mom would say hi to her (I was best friends with her from age 4 to 14, and she was always with my family, so I'm not sure why she thought it was weird). So I gave up trying to be friends with her.
Hmh...my brothers friend did this too....were you running by my house on purpose??
Lyngay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thinking it would be weird to ask if I could hang out, I'd go for a run past their place and hope they'd notice me and invite me in.
Oh god, I did something like this as a kid. I cringe a little when I think of it now. But the neighbors had a pool, a gorgeous swimming pool in the Texas summer heat...
The fence between our houses was easily see-through, looked just like this one. So when they were outside in the pool, I'd just go out to the yard and kinda play right by the fence... probably trying to look as lonely as possible, lol. I'd kinda hang out there until they saw me and would almost always invite me over.
Looking back... I hope they didn't hate me for it, lol.
So one day my childhood friend didn't want to play and so I figured i could wait him out I just started running and jumping in the empty yard/lot across from their house except it backfired because him and his older sister just made fun of my superman jump
That didn't work out for this kid that had a crush on my buddy's sister. Around the 4th or 5th lap around their block, he was accosted by some older guys that lived next door. "We don't take kindly to your type around here" (or something like that) he was told and when he protested they chased him down the block. Poor kid never came back.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing with a girl I liked, except on a bike. One day she came out and asked why I kept biking past her house. I told her I liked biking back and forth on that street.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG. my friend used to do this. He'd play with kids like 4 years younger hoping this girl across the street would see him and then idk what he expected from there- her to ask him in or something? I ended up talking to her about it a few years later and she told me "yah, if I saw him out there I'd stay inside.."
I used to do that, but next to one of my first boyfriend's place .... after we broke up.
Because I knew we'd have a lil chat if I ran into him. I look back on that behavior with the utmost cringe, because I know I was basically being an awkward stalkery kid.
B3nd3tta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Their parents were probably like:โlook at that poor kid playing on his own, lets invite him in just to be niceโ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They knew.
GiblyB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an experience similar. I had a crush on a girl when I was about 11/12, and would cycle up and down the road adjacent to it, hoping she would be outside, see me, and talk to me. But she hardly ever was. I would keep going back a forth for like 30 minutes at a time.
One time she was outside and I looked over to see if she noticed me and crashed straight into a lamp post.
Another time she saw me and shouted over "what are you doing?" and I just said "cycling"...
Girl sent me obviously provocative picture of herself on Snapchat saying "wyd?"
I was eating dinner at the time which was spaghetti and so I sent a picture of it back saying "Spaghetti". She pretty much stopped taking to me after that.
9gagispoo ยท 1136 points ยท Posted at 00:46:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, what are you supposed to do? Whip out your dick at family dinner?
A guy sent me a fucking thumbs up with a dumbass face and a "nice" when I sent what I thought was a bangin' ass body pic. So yeah, don't do that shit if you want in that poon.
We don't know either :( Girls say "it's so easy, just don't say something stupid and fuck it up", but sometimes that feels like hearing "winning the lottery is so easy, just don't pick the wrong numbers".
I would say compliment her instead if making it jokey. Flirty/sexy banter. Spaghetti may be honest, but it seems disinterested and does nothing for her. Saying something like "having a hard time focusing on dinner now" is much better.
If you don't even know and your the one creating this situation, I guarantee he is going to know even less and you have no right to any expectation of what happens next.
HMCetc ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:16:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a girl and I have to agree here. Unless you've established the rules already then it's not going to be clear what the expectations are. Tbh I personally would prefer to receive a spaghetti pic over a dick pic any day. That's just my personal preference. Dicks look weird.
I've never understood the compulsion some men seem to have about sending women those. I have one and i don't particularly enjoy looking at it. In fact it grosses me out a little. Why the hell would i assume a woman would want to look at that?
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 01:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is true. But what you want and what you are likely to get are not always going to match no matter how reasonable. Not everyone is capable of what you expect. I'm entirely incapable of flirting even with hand held. No amount of expectation on my part or anyone else's will ever fix that.
[deleted] ยท -67 points ยท Posted at 02:05:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never claimed socially capable men are rare. I don't suggest anyone should settle for me. But then again i fail to understand why it is i am the emotional toddler, when you are the one choosing to stoop to personal attacks.
[deleted] ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 08:01:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Failing to take a hint seems to be a pattern in your life
Being bad at flirting = being an emotional toddler? I don't think that's quite how it works. Emotional intelligence isn't solely gauged on your ability to flirt; everyone has different strengths. Also that attack was totally uncalled for. Speaking of acting like a toddler, you may want to reevaluate how you treat people.
[deleted] ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 08:24:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since you men can't understand anything without being excruciatingly explicit, I'm being excruciatingly explicit
No, you're being an entitled piece of shit. It takes more than flirting to make a relationship. What about empathy and understanding? What about kindness or a good sense of humor? It's unrealistic to find someone perfect in every single regard. Everyone's flawed in some manner. Just because someone isn't that good at flirting doesn't mean they can't make up for that in other aspects, and it doesn't mean you can just throw it in their face.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:59:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Entitled for not wanting to date manchildren. This is reddit, everyone
Newsflash kiddo: you're not entitled to any sort of relationship from anyone
Not even going to refute any of the points I made? So it doesn't matter if you're funny, compassionate or caring? Apparently if you can't flirt well you're a manchild who doesn't deserve to be loved.
You're free to date who you want, as is your prerogative. It's also my right to call you out on your bullshit when you start attacking someone. For some reason you think you're the spokesperson for women across the globe. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of women out there who would appreciate someone who can be compassionate over someone who happens to be good at flirting.
Also you completely twisted what I was trying to say. I never said I was entitled, I was merely pointing out the fact that you have unrealistic expectations if you expect to come across a partner who doesn't have at least one flaw. For some people that might be flirting, doesn't make them a manchild.
But whatever. I've given up trying to have an intelligent conversation at this point. It would be interesting to hear the opinion of other women on the matter though, preferably ones who are more capable of having a mature discussion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sense some bitterness about this. Do you get rejected a lot?
I was trying to defend someone you rudely attacked. Reddit is toxic enough as it is. Yeah, I got annoyed when you took a single character flaw and automatically assumed he must be some sort of 'manchild'. Everybody has flaws and weaknesses, you too. If you find those sort of men unattractive, then more power to you. I don't see why you have to go around putting them down while you're at it though.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just logged in to tell you that this thread is really sad. I hope that you can become a better person some day and see others as actual human beings, with feelings, flaws and insecurities, just the same as you.
Best of luck.
S4ndvich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:50 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that makes you feel better ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:29 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats on making that emote without the missing arm.
S4ndvich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:56 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, I'll forward it to RES for the live preview.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:53:22 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flirting, sure. Flirting at the drop of a hat when you send nudes mid family dinner? Not so. I once got a nude, 2pm during my lunch break in the office surrounded by coworkers. Almost dropped my phone. Social skills are sufficiently proven by no one finding out about it, imo. Fuck flirting back with no build up.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:47:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be overjoyed if that was her reaction to sending her my johnson lol
rnykal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Different strokes for different folks, but I can understand someone thinking that's a little dismissive. Like it almost could be read like they didn't even want to see it and are just being polite. That's the problem with text, you can't get extraverbal signals, so when you're nervous or insecure, like after sending nude photos, everything you read passes through that lens.
He literally opened another one after that and said nothing. And then went on a trip with a girl for a week ans got drunk and slept in the same bed with her. So no. Lol.
[deleted] ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 01:38:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐ฌ nice
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:51:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Opened another what? And why is he dumb when you chose to sleep with him? Doesn't that make you dumb too?
Sending pictures ain't flirting. You gotta more than send selfies if you're actually looking for a conversation. Of course, you wouldn't be on fucking SnapChat if you were interested in more than shallow bullshit anyway.
I know this thread is supposed to be cringy but god. It's fucking cringy as hell. Even the non cringy replies are cringy. Yours was funny tho. Fuck that bitch.
When I was younger I had a friend who lied a lot. I went to her house one day and she had those little colorful gobstoppers unwrapped all over the floor of her room. I asked her if I could have one and she kept insisting they weren't gobstoppers but wouldn't tell me what they were. I figured she was lying and when she left the room momentarily I popped a few in my mouth. Turns out they weren't gobstoppers, they were plastic balls from a game. I kept them in my mouth for probably 45 minutes until she left the room again just so she wouldn't see.
My sister loved Bottle Cap Candy and I found a piece of chalk that looked the same color as her candy so I plopped it in my mouth. My sister, thinking I'd gotten into her candy stash accused me of eating all of her candy. Of course, I had a mouthful of chalk, not a mouthful of candy but I was so embarrassed I'd eaten chalk I just said "Sure did!" and then snuck into her room and ate all of her candy while she was telling my mom on me.
[deleted] ยท 2746 points ยท Posted at 23:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting beaten anyway. May as well get beaten on a sugar high.
bexyrex ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 23:37:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:(
crashdoc ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 01:40:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<Sigh>... I'll get the jumper cables
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:47:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its the only way I get off these days
spluge96 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:35:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend of mine says this about his constantly being accused of cheating on his old lady/baby-mama. I keep reminding him he is a used up, ugly, hot mess of swirling trash water. But good luck!
Found a piece of white chocolate on the floor in the corner of a closet when I was 6. Being 6, I didn't stop to think how or why it would be chocolate. I just jumped straight to it. And I did not even consider that it came from the floor.
It was a piece from a definitely-not-chocolate-flavored stick of deodorant.
sdoorex ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 01:25:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look on the bright side, it wasn't ant or rat poison.
i found a box of what i thought were pink gumballs in my friends treehouse. without thinking i popped one in my mouth and bit down. it exploded in my mouth and i immediately realized it was a paintball. my friend had seen and asked "did you just eat a paintball" i lied and said no. he wasn't buying it with the pink paint spilling out of my mouth.
I think thereโs is a local Malay idiom โmacam cicak makan kapur โ which transfers to โlike a lizard/gecko ate chalkโ which roughly means to do something embarrassing.
I always thought it was a weird idiom until I read your story and now it all makes sense now.
I had a friend who was touring The Mattress Factory museum in Pittsburgh with her boyfriend. They were told in no uncertain terms that they were not to stray from the group, so they decided to stray from the group and go exploring. They found themselves in a room in the basement with a floor covered in what looked to them like broken glass. My friend, being the adventurous soul that she was, had a hunch that she should pick up a piece and lick it and was rewarded with the tasty flavor of spun sugar candy. Apparently they didn't want her to eat their precious floor candy because it was actually part of an upcoming art installation that was not yet open.
Honestly it fit her character very well, she would have definitely lied about something like that. And she just refused to tell me what they were instead; so my brain just assumed she couldn't come up with a lie for it and therefore obviously I had to steal her floor candy.
Seriously weird I just read you're comment and within 5 seconds some guy on tv said hungry hungry hippos and the coincidence had me in awe for a moment. Definitely a funny moment and I really need some humor at the moment.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2nd grade, a friend was telling me about a cheese factory tour he had taken over the summer break. He said, "that's where I got this!" He laid a hunk of cheese on the desk and walked away. I picked it up and took a bite of said cheese. That's when I found out erasers can sometimes look like cheese.
Yeah, the villagers learned that just because he lied the first few times doesn't mean there actually wasn't a wolf. The boy didn't learn a lesson about lying because he had been eaten.
The lesson for us was not to lie in the first place.
In school one day and I found some BBs in my jacket pocket. Guy next to me asked what they are and I said those little silver candies. He wanted one, so I told him they're really BBs. Of course he didn't believe me, so I gave him some, and he popped them into his mouth.
zpuma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:33:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were a hungry hungry hippo I see.
McFagle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember one time as a kid I was super excited because I happened by a gumball machine and had a quarter on me and no parents to tell me "no". It was only once I popped it into my mouth and tried to bite down that I realized I had actually just bought a superball.
Kufat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:24:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 2-3 years old, my dad brought home some red licorice straws, but he insisted that they weren't actually red licorice. I tried one anyway.
I had a friend growing up who didn't like to share. He had a bowl of hard candies on his table and I asked if I could have one. I couldn't because they were prank candies filled with pepper. I said I'd like to try one anyways but I still couldn't.
I ate one when he left the room to take a dump. Very disappointing, I couldn't taste any pepper, at all. Lying turd!
jutshka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
anal beads?
SF1034 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read โliedโ as โdiedโ and was supremely confused.
Vaguebirthplace: "Oh I think they went under the couch." (Or substitute this with copy pasta face that I'm too lazy to do on mobile. Someone help me out, thanks fam.)
My friend's mom rolled my hand up in the window of the car while I was in the backseat. It hurt really bad but I was too awkward to say anything so I rode for about 10 minutes with half of my little hand squashed and hanging out the rolled-up window. I think eventually I said "um... ow" or something to alert her to the situation.
ApolloSt ยท 7867 points ยท Posted at 21:59:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would laugh so hard if I was passing your car and saw that. Half a hand squished in a window and a kid sitting there pretending like nothing hapenned.
Driesens ยท 387 points ยท Posted at 23:26:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume the kid did it to himself. That's the sort of thing i would have done as a child
When I was like 7-9, I liked to stick my head/arms out the window in the car, and once my mom not noticing rolled up all the windows, and almost crushed my larynx. I thought she did notice me doing it, because I did it constantly, and got yelled at for it. If my arms weren't further our the window she wouldn't have been able to hear me banging on the roof of the car.
The back windows in my car roll forward at the bottom when wound down. Had a friend in the back and his arm was out the window when i started winding it up and got his arm caught. I thought it was hilarious.
That is always the case, but instead of motivating you to say something, it just makes you feel more awkward because now in addition to saying the thing, you have to explain why it took so long, and you keep waiting longer, and the layers of explanations and apologies in your mind keep growing so after a certain point, anything you say will just come out as bizarre shouted gibberish.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not even laughing at this one. I'm just sitting here imagining myself in that situation, even as an adult, and thinking, "yup. Sounds about right."
That exactly happened to me, but after 20 seconds of getting used to the pain I asked my friend's dad to open the window again for some fresh air because I felt suddenly dizzy.
Now that I think about it, I full on stuck my whole upper body out the window. I thought that the further I stuck myself out the window, the cooler I was. "Because cool people stuck their body out the window" or something like that.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 23:48:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago, when my friend's grandmother picked us up from school, she was distracted from talking on the phone and when I tossed my backpack into the car, she started driving, thinking I got in. The back wheel proceeded to roll over onto my foot, and I was like "UMMMM! Hold on!" Not the best choice in words as she then stopped and the tire was completely over my foot. I stood there for a good 5 seconds in a blank state of mind as she and my friend just stared at me. "The car... the tire is on my foot..." She immediately freaked out and rolled forward again. Thankfully, it was one of those small cars that don't weigh much, but just standing there not knowing what to say was pretty funny now that I think back to it. :)
When I was about 10, I was in the school netball team.
We had to travel to another town for a carnival and our coach drove some of us, while parents drove others.
On the way back, I was in the back seat of the coach's car and noticed that she had cigarette lighters built into the back of the console.
I don't know why I did it, but... I guess I was used to the fact that the one in my parents' car didn't work.... it's the only explanation I have for why I DELIBERATELY STUCK MY FINGER INTO A CAR CIGARETTE LIGHTER.
Searing pain began to pulse through my finger and the stench of burning flesh filled the car.
I immediately shoved the lighter back in and silently nursed my burnt fingertip the entire 2.5 hour drive back to our town.
I DELIBERATELY STUCK MY FINGER INTO A CAR CIGARETTE LIGHTER
I knew someone who did this to see if the lighter worked when the car was off. No holding their hand near it to see if it was warm, or checking for the glowing red bit... Nope, finger to lighter.
I also once broke a plastic bag by poking my finger through it.
It stretched the plastic so that it was skin-tight across my finger, with a little warped tail where it had torn from the bag.
I then thought I'd see how quickly that would catch alight when I hovered it over the gas jet on the stove.
Immediately.
It immediately caught alight and for a few weeks, I had this hardened plastic adhered to my finger before it began to peel away and reveal the new, precious skin that I probably shouldn't have been allowed to own.
I'd like to say I was just a kid, but.. I was about 15 at the time.
Oh man when I was little my mom was defrosting our garage freezer and I was watching behind her. She was crouched down and when she leaned back she stepped on my foot and I was too scared to say anything so I just stood there in a silent panic as tears welled in my eyes until she noticed. She felt sooo bad haha
cornycat ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:08:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ I'm literally crying laughing over this mental image
Dude same thing happened to me except eith a car door. My friends older brother closed his door on my hand and then notised my fingers when he went to buckle up. It hurt like hell but i shook it off cause he was cute.
Ah shit, I didn't think I had any of these stories until yours reminded me of one.
My mom brought me to her office once, and they had a fridge with soft drinks and stuff. I was reaching in there for something and I noticed a bunch of frost buildup on the back wall of the inside of the fridge. I was like 7 years old so I was like "yeah I have to touch this shit".
So I did for a while, until my finger got stuck to the ice like a wet tongue to a cold pole.
So I panicked but of course didn't say a fucking word. A while later her boss comes in and sees me but doesn't notice my retarded situation. I knew I had to say something, so I awkwardly said "it's just...i'm stuck".
Just like that. No lead up, no nothing. He then came over and saw what was going on, took a glass of water and threw it on my finger. It came off the ice easily, but it was super flat and pale as fuck.
I could have lost a fucking finger because of dumb shit. Fuck.
My friends mom handed me a piece of bread at dinner. As I took it I noticed a giant spot of mold on it, but was wayyyy too polite of a kid to mention it. I was absolutely about to eat that moldy bread rather than hurt her feelings/embarrass her but luckily my friend saw it and told her mom.
Your post made me laugh for a few minutes... hardest I've laughed in ages. Partially because this is SO something I would've done as a kid, and I was also imagining an adorable little squished hand hanging out the window... Brought me to literal, hilarious, tears. My boyfriend was upstairs and thought I was sad crying. Thank you for this, so much.
aew360 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:23:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mom did that to younger brother once.
I told her,though...Once I stopped laughing.
She asked me WHY I hadn't told her earlier My reply? "I was laughing too hard"
Had to walk home.
I had a friend do the same thing but she never said anything, she just waited until we arrived at our destination and then we noticed when she couldn't get out of the car because her hand was stuck.
Lmao this happens on the 1st date with my now husband. He tried to be a gentlemen by opening and closing the car door for me. Except I wasn't expecting it and my finger got slammed by the door. I quickly opened and closed the door to let my finger out. It hurt so bad I thought I might actually be broken. It started going numb. I didn't want to ruin the mood as it was awkward as hell. So I decided to wait and see what happens. Luckily after like an hour I was able to move it again. It recovered with no problems, been 6 years now I still haven't told him.
you either have a super high pain tolerance or it didn't hurt that bad. My mom closed the window on just my finger once and it was like panic level of pain "ow! ow! ow!ow! ow! ow! OPEN THE WINDOW!!!"
Omg i did the same thing as a 6 or 7 year old kid in my grandma's minivan! She drove all the way up from Florida and I loved her like crazy but I was just a shy awkward little kid. My mom and her looked back and saw my hand stuck in the window and tears silently dripping from my eyes and they were both perplexed as to why I would suffer in silence. That event actually forshadowed what I would be like in the years to come.
kabes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:20:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face. Thank you for sharing this.
Dude, are you me? This exact thing happened to me as a kid, except it was my Aunts car. My uncle, in the passenger seat, eventually saw my fingers hanging out of the window and freaked out and put it down.
I seriously was telling my friends about this just a few days ago, I thought for a split second you were one of them stealing my story lol
I was hanging out at a rock climbing competition recently, and felt something crawl off the front of my shirt and onto my neck. I quickly tried to seat it away but it was latched on. I didnโt want to just smash it since it had already bit me, and I didnโt want to mangle the body so I could know what it was and what the risks were. Instead of alerting my friend right away, like a normal person with something biting his neck, I waited for a pause in his conversation with another climber to ask him what was in my neck.
This might be the funniest content on reddit. I'm imagining the dumbest most awkward child sitting there with their hand all crooked, straight faced and wide eyed, motionless for ten minutes until they finally muster up the courage to say "um.. ow" with an expression similar to the way Ross in Friends says "oh.. wow" definitely a little louder and more expressive than intended.
oh god, same. my significant other's mom was driving us home, i opened the door way too early when she was parking, stepped out and my foot got ran over. i was too scared to say 'y-you ran over me leg' because i didn't know if i was supposed to use the formal or informal 'you' (think du vs Sie in german) so i just silently suffered for half a minute before letting out a whimper and 'oof ouch owie my leg is stuck'
I was getting out of the car and had my hand halfway on the door when my friend ended up closing the door on it. Well the guy who was driving locked the car and I was kinda in shock and didn't register what happened. I asked the guy if he's mind unlocking his car. He looks at me and asks if I forgot anything. Yeah my hand. Bruised something awful and hurt like heck. I honestly wouldn't have said anything if it hadn't been for the fact I couldn't get my hand out of the door.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, I've done this too. I didn't even say ow but ended up saying that the car was too hot to get my dad to roll down the window again. My sister, oblivious to the situation, complained it was cold though, so there was a lot of back and forth until we decided to just open my window since I was hot.
I did something like that to myself once haha, I was getting in the car with my parents & a family friend to go get dinner, and slammed one finger in the door (yeah still don't know how I just got the one), didn't wanna say anything but also didn't want to open the door again, so my being the idiot that I am, decoded it would be better to just yank my finger out of the closed door. It was not better. I thought I broke it, but luckily I didn't but it was swelled up & bruised something awful for days after that .
cams26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sonewhat similar story. In high school, after a friend's party, a friend's dad offered to give a group of us a ride home in their van. I was the first to go in, next was our only male friend, the rest of the girls just behind him. As he was getting in, I saw my other friend go into the front seat, slam the door close, and put on the seat belt, and then our guy friend just stopped moving. He was halfway in and not budging or talking. We all thought he was messing around with all the other girls waiting to get in impatiently behind him. One of the girls even started roughly pushing and yelling at him to get in. That's when he just croaked out "my hand is stuck" but rather softly that we barely heard him thru all the yelling. My friend who's riding shotgun finally saw that she did indeed slam the door close on his hand, can't move and was in pain. He was lucky he didn't fracture his hand or anything. We were laughing about it all the way home.
My mom once rolled the wondow of the car on my hand when I was about 6. I sat there and looked at her as she left the car and closed her door then started yelling at me for not getting out. She eventually noticed and busted out laughing
Skrimps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me as well. Whats fucked up is, I was the one rolling it up, but my reaction was slow so I literally yanked my hand out as its crushing it at the same time.
Mom side of this, I dropped my 7 year old off at school one morning and I was pretty sure he caught his pinky in the door but he didn't react at all, so I went on home after for a minute to be sure. Not even an hour later, the school calls me bc his pinky is horribly swollen and he's crying his poor eyeballs out. Had to take him to the doctor to relieve the pressure. I felt like an absolute shit mom amd let him stay home and eat ice cream and watch YouTube all day
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. Was getting a ride home from a volunteer event with people I'd never met, and as I got in the backseat, I must have been holding the frame behind the front door, and the guy in front closed it on my hand.
I just sort of quietly tapped him on the shoulder and politely asked if he'd mind opening the door again so I could have my hand back. He freaked out and spent the whole ride checking my hand for broken bones.
Ahaha, you just reminded me of my sisters bf closing his hand in the double glazed security windows in my dads car.
We had been playing with the auto-up function that detected hands and reversed the window to avoid injuries,
So this clod decides to put his hand in the path of the window and HOLD the up button (which continued up with maximum force as a security feature).
We watched as his fingers bent at odd angles and he screeched.
We were left to roll it down for him so he could pull it out, cause it seemed as though all brain function had ceased and he didnโt know what to do.
HizkiFW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a similar experience, but instead of rolled up, my arm was leaning at the bottom of the glass, so when my mom opened the window, my arm got squished down. It hurt really bad. I was a noisy kid at that time, so she ignored my screams of agony for a full 10 minutes while she talks with her friends.
Sullan08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's mom shut the trunk on my hand...that could've went worse than it did. She did one of those hard slams too.
My sister used to cry, like, constantly. She was always crying if she didn't get her way, so my dad instated a rule that we would ignore her if she started crying because she didn't get her way.
One day we were in the car with windows down and she had her hand out the window like the rest of us. My dad rolls up the window (with warning, I think it started raining and he said "I'm gonna roll the windows up now") and my sister just starts screaming and crying, pretty typical stuff honestly. Sounded like her usual tantrums, and we figured she was mad that we rolled the windows up.
A minute goes by and we realize that her hand got rolled up in the window. My dad felt so bad that we went to go get ice cream almost immediately afterwards and were asked "don't tell your mom about this."
This happened to me! Except it was my friendโs dad & I had wrapped my hand around the top of the door when getting out of the car. He put the windows up, shut the car off, got out and was almost in the house before I could quietly pipe up, โMr H? ... Mr. H my hand is caught in the window ...โ
It all happened so fast & I was trying to just pull my hand out quietly before I had to speak up. My friends had a good laugh at that one!
Krakutis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to go to sleep. But these are the kinda comment that make me think "a few more wouldn't hurt"
I was at a club once, the DJ was taking requests to make a request you had to fill out a slip of paper and give it to him. Anyways I do this walk over and hand it to him and he was like
"Alright man nice" and held out his hand.
For some reason I though, oh he wants to hold hands and held his hand for like 10 seconds (fingers interlaced even) and just looked at each other the whole time. Then It hit me that he wanted a high five and I got super embarrassed.
I was at a concert once and the lead singer was down in the crowd. When he went past my friend he high-fived him so when he came to me I went to high five him as well. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in, like shoulder to shoulder and started singing with me. Which would be cool but they were the opener (who I hadn't heard of) and it was a brand new song so I just have to stand there in this man's arms pretending to sing a song I hand never even heard before. I think if it had lasted any longer I would have exploded out of sheer awkwardness
TapuKoko ยท 356 points ยท Posted at 00:32:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You made me remember the time I was in the front row at a rock concert. The lead singer reached out with his forehead and put it against mine with the mic in between. I guess he wanted me to sing along the lyrics but I didn't really understand so I just stood there, grinning like an idiot.
what band was it? if that were me i'd probably do the same, or just pass out
TapuKoko ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 02:06:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe the band was called RED. This was back in 2011 or 2012, I really didnโt understand what was going on at the time. Luckily my friends keep reminding me so it doesnโt happen again!
I bet they're considerate enough to tell the story when you've brought a new person you're dating to hang out with them, you know, just to remind you so you don't accidentally do something embarrassing like that on your date as well.
Haha cool! Iโve had that song on my phone for years now
mr_trick ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 15:35:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me, it was the main act as well and I was in the front row, but my friend had dragged me along as a favor and I had never heard the band's music before. It was one of those stages where there's no barricade, you just go up to the actual stage (about chest height) and the singer knelt down on his knees and grabbed my head to pull it close to the mic. I didn't know any of the words and just got this deer-in-headlights expression while silence rang through the room for a few seconds.
I think his look of disappointment was the worst thing, as he obviously expected someone at the front row of their headlining concert to know the words to their most popular song.
I nanny for a two year old, and she has many stuffed animals that all have names (which include Purple Pig the blue dog and Screen Time the elephant), and one of them is a multi-colored giraffe named Scary Banana Man!
leadabae ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think we all have a bit of scary banana man in us.
Haha this is really fantastic, I love it! You should definitely tell her you met another Scary Banana Man the other day, I hope she enjoys and appreciates the chance meeting as much as I do.
Also, I used to have a German Shepherd mix named Blue Dog... I'm loving all of these shared names!
I tend to skip over usernames, and just read the comments, unless someone specifically says something about the username. For some reason it took me way too long to figure out that's what was going on, here. :p
Also, love the names. :D
dattree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that you care necessarily, but the former bassist for Said The Whale is now a quite successful DJ/producer by the name of Ekali
Same! I was a photographer at one of their tour stops and I was there mainly for Said the Whale. Really enjoyed Fast Romantics set and they even used one of my photos as one of their tour shots!
VeryWyrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:03 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so one of my friends has the exact same story and I literally thought I knew you when I read your initial post. Seeing it was in fact Fast Romantics/Said the Whale has only confirmed it is exactly like the incident I'm thinking of, but where did this happen? I need to know if they did this at multiple shows or what.
VeryWyrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:48 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well in that case the lead singer from Fast Romantics learned nothing and did it again a few nights later in another city. Except in this case, my group of friends knew the words to one of their songs, so that may have led him to think my one friend might know more lyrics. But even the whole high-fiving someone else in my group before trying to start the sing along happened. What a coincidence!
Yuuuuuup. I went to see The Dear Hunter and Rainbowdragoneyes was opening for them. I got there super early to make sure I got a good spot, Rainbowdragoneyes takes the stage, I have no idea who this dude is but itโs chiptunes Metal so Iโm having a good time. During one of his songs that several people around me seems to know, the chorus comes along and the dude sticks the microphone in my face.
I wonder how many people knew that muttering โOh no....nononoโ was not how that song goes.
A friend was close to front row at a concert once, and was wearing a fake flower bobby - pinned in her hair. The lead singer sang a song with a line about "flower in her hair" and came over and tried to pluck it from her hair, except of course there were like 15 bobby pins holding that thing in. But he didn't walk away, he just kept tugging on it (hee) and frizzed up a big chunk of her hair in the process.
hedili ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 10:22:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. I'd like to know what went through their heads when he was trying to do that.
Oh god that's one of my fears! To go to a concert and the band plays a song I don't know and hold up the mic to sing the next lines and I'd have no clue....
Everybody who knew that song totally knew you didn't. If your version of the story is true then you got caught off guard so I'd say it should have been pretty easy to laugh this one off. The people I have no sympathy for are the attention seekers who are a big distraction to the show and constantly trying to get the band's attention but as soon as they are put on the spot they clam up OR they try to fake it and it's super cringy. Sometimes bands will call those people on it, i love that.
On the other hand I always feel empathy towards those who sort of accidentally wind up in that spot you were in. I've been to a lot of concerts. It happens more than you'd think. And some bands try the "fake it till you make it" thing and it just doesn't work. Sorry guys but we're not in the front for you. Now hurry up and finish your set.
That sounds hilarious--have you actually seen a singer call someone out on not knowing the words or something? What happened?
Once several years ago I was at a Steve Aoki show, and he had a song about planes so I wore a pilot hat. I was on someone's shoulders and drunkenly pointing at my hat trying to get Steve to look at me (I fully realize now how obnoxious I was being) and one of his boys on stage grabbed a mic and said "every single show, there's always some drunk girl with a pilot hat on who thinks she's special" and Steve says into his mic something like "yeah but thank god for them because their drunk asses get me paid!" Ugh.. humiliating -.-
EDIT: correction... it wasn't even a plane pilot hat, it was a fucking sailor hat. Smh. https://imgur.com/a/yQz9a
That kind of stuff has happened to me so many times at shows! Even if it's a band I've heard a thousand times, the second the microphone gets near my face I lose all fucking clue what the lyrics are and just end up with either a super awkward silence or singing the wrong part of the song. Both make me cringe super hard.
I once went to watch a band who I liked, and while I could sing the words to a lot of their songs, maybe less than half, and I hadn't really listened to their entire album for a good year.
Suddenly at one point the mic ended up in my face, and not being sure what the lines were to the song, I just growled.
Later my friend was like "Good growl!" so it all turned out right at the end
I realize this isn't what you meant at all, but when you said "shoulder to shoulder" my brain took it as "shoulders to shoulders" and I pictured him standing behind you with an arm around your chest, kind of like stand-up spooning, and singing into the mic right by your ear. Implausible, but it increased the theoretical awkwardness level to over 9000.
After a Sugarcult concert one of the guys jumped off stage and went over to this girl and gave her a hug. I was like โoh sweet!โ and went in for a hug also. When I saw the look on his face as he leaned in for our awkward hug I realized he hugged the first chick because he actually knew her. Nearly 15 years ago and itโs still cringey.
Kootsiak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:42:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want you to know that I think this is amazing.
I had a similar experience only instead of pulling me in and singing dude stepped on my hand because he was attempting to do some kinda walking on the crowd thing? To this day I still don't know exactly what he was doing nor how my hand didn't get hurt from being bent the wrong way under a grown man's weight. Lol
Same. Once at Warped Tour the lead singer of a band I liked but didn't know every word to every song came into the crowd (which I was in the front row of) and gave me the mic to sing the chorus. Luckily I knew the main refrain and could sort of yell the rest or else it could have been really awkward.
Jesus Christ. My face is turning red just from reading this.
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a concert the other day of a band that I didn't know every song of, and the lead singer kept singing to the audience members at the front, grabbing their hands, and smiling at them. I was so worried she was going to do that on a song I didn't know and was prepared to ad lib syllables so she'd think I was singing along.
acog ยท 310 points ยท Posted at 00:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, think how cool it'd be if it really worked that way. You see some guy being a dick at a party and you grab his hand and hold it for a couple of seconds.
You: Hey man, now that we're friends I have to level with you, you're being a bit of a dick.
Him: You know, if we weren't friends I'd hit you. But since you ARE a good friend.... you've given me a lot to think about.
lzrae ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 00:42:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to do this next time I think a stranger is being a dick.
i was really stoned at panda express with my girlfriend and the guy working there asked if i'd like to try the new honey walnut shrimp. He held out the sample on a toothpick and i came 2 seconds away from eating it out of his hand. i caught myself last second. the place was packed.
Katsy13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:28:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the guy who tasted a dish from the spoon a chef was holding in front of him (he was a new cook and he didn't know what it tasted like), maintaining eye contact the entire time.
Oh nooooo my first boyfriend did this on my very first valentines day date! We got all dressed up and went to the Keg because that's the fanciest place ever when you're still in high school. Waiter held out his hand to take our menus and he awkwardly shook it, the waiter was like uhhhhhh. I'll never forget that and I bet he hasn't either!
gingeslc ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 00:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, this hits so close to home. As a 5'11", pale skinned, red headed female who was taller than literally 99% of my grade, I had a leg up in the awkward game in high school.
As a class assignment, I went to a local slam poetry night to observe and critique. One of the guys performing was about 6 inches shorter than me, but really attractive and on top of that, really creative. His poem just hit my heart like a ton of bricks.
What would a non awkward person do? I don't know, clearly. What happened next still to this day makes my whole body cringe. I went up as he got off stage in order to complement him, and he put his hand out to shake mine. Naturally, I grabbed it and held on for dear life while telling him how much I enjoyed his work for a solid two minutes, while teary eyed and towering over him like some Amazonian captor. Jesus.
did he look increasingly panicky? was anyone drinking? I have no idea if that's something people do at poetry readings
gingeslc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:38:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was actually really cool about it and played it off like it was nothing, which just adds to the cringe factor for me. No one was drinking as it was all people in their late teens/early twenties. Stone sober awkwardness.
gingeslc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:40:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He played it off like it was nothing, likely fearing I was going to try and throw him in the trunk of my car or something, and then successfully avoided my grasp the rest of the evening.
Oh god. This somehow reminded me of the first time I met some of the professors in grad school. I'd just come from the bathroom, the kind that has dryers instead of paper towels. I hate hand dryers, so annoying. So I just walk out with wet hands and into the next room, thinking nothing of it.
Run into professor I've never met before. Shakes hands. Wet hands. Oh God.
I was sitting in the bleachers in gym class once, and this guy I didn't know comes up and randomly high fives me. Then tries to do a low five. I thought the low five was a handholding attempt and responded as such.
I like to act like Iโm going for a fist bump people then go โshark attack!โ, grab their fist, and stare blankly. Then I see how long it takes to get awkward before they draw their hand away and I finally let go. Then pretend it never happened.
Something similar happened to me. I went to my friend's little brother's first communion and I was the only one there who didn't speak spanish. The whole ceremony was in spanish so I was just going with the flow. Well some guy sitting next to me stuck his hand out and I thought it was time for a prayer so I grabbed his hand and put my head down. I look up and everybody is leaving and I'm still holding this guy's hand. He wanted a handshake. I couldn't make eye contact with him at the lunch after.
dakoslug ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:56:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my dad held out his hand for my pen, for some odd reason I thought he wanted to hold hands. I was so embarrassed.
It is 1am, I have to be up to drive to the hospital to have a c-section in four hours, I've been crying all day out of anxiety and hormones, and this just made me laugh harder than I have in months. Thank you for existing.
Snarker ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understand this. I love physical touch, and sometimes I hold my friendsโ hands out of affection. They all joke about it, but accept it, and some will even initiate and hold MY hand now just to be friendly. I worked at a summer camp for three months and got really into this habit because there were other hand-holders there, and it wasnโt just me doing it with my closest friends. I was suddenly doing it with everyone.
The day after I got home, we had an amusement park trip planned, and I went. When the poor workers would try to give us high fives, I would interlace my fingers with theirs and smile... every damn time.
this isn't a fitting response for the original question, but your response reminded me of it - once, a liquor store clerk said "one love" to me as i was leaving, and i responded with "i love you too". i was halfway out the door when i said it and i just kept going
I was going past a Moomin store with the SO and there was a guy dressed up as Moomin. I asked for a picture. I used to love the books and was clearly overly excited. He puts both his arms out in an embracing gesture. I panic, mistake the pose and end up intertwining my fingers with his. I remember being really shocked that they weren't fluffy and meaty like paws. He reacted a little but held the pose!
I knew this dude in high school who would always turn a high five into a fingers interlaced handhold and then hold your hand for the rest of the conversation.
I laughed so hard at this. Thank you. Just imaging the DJ's face & train of thought, oh I'm dying it's so cute. "What are we doing? We're holding hands. Ok. Ok. Interlaced fingers. Do I know this guy? No. Wait. Aww fuck this is awkward. Poor guy." It is the best awkward interaction.
neunen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time at a drive through the guy held out his hand and I didn't know what the hell he wanted so I tried to high five him. My card didn't run the first time so he was asking for it again. In my defense he could have said that.
One time my coworker did that to me when I went to give him a high five, I assumed it was something flirtatious for a second [cuz he cute] but have told other people about it as just a funny awkward thing that happened.
I broke my hand in the middle of my (totally gorgeous) TA's story and didn't say anything because I didn't want to interrupt him. Proceeded to walk with him to class and sit through his lecture, feeling awkward for not taking notes, while my hand swelled up like a balloon. He approached me the next day, confused, when SOMEONE ELSE told him that I had broken my hand the previous afternoon on the bus. "Wait, I was with her the whole time..."
[deleted] ยท 347 points ยท Posted at 19:42:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my way to what would turn out to be his class, I ran into him on the campus bus. He confessed that he was nervous about taking over the lecture that day, and was clearly suffering some real anxiety; not just fishing for compliments. I was too busy swooning over the fact that he was confiding in me to be paying attention when the bus slammed on the brakes to avoid rear-ending another vehicle. The bus was PACKED; Everyone lurched forward and my right pinky caught on a handrail as I tried to catch myself. Snapped my fifth metacarpal. It was one of those noises where you're immediately thinking, "Oh yeah. That's broken for sure." After the initial decision not to cut him off mid-sentence, it became obvious to me that it was now too late to say anything... (Yes. I know how crazy that sounds.)
This story took place 5 years ago. TA is getting married to a lovely girl, and I'm seeing someone pretty great. I might hold off on telling him this story, though. I sound like a lunatic.
Hey. I would've done the same exact thing if I was you. My reasoning would be "I could fix my finger later but I only have this one chance to make an impression on this girl" or in your case guy.
When I was a middle school girl my older cousin invited me to hang out with his friends. I had a crush on one of them because they were "cool" skater guys.
So we're wandering around my hometown while they try "cool" skateboard tricks and my cousin is teasing me and being a dick. So I try to punch him, cause somehow that will make me look cool. He blocked my punch with his skateboard and I broke a bone in my hand on the edge. Walked around for another 4 or so hours before going home and showing my mom my giant, swollen broken hand. We had to go to the ER because I waited till after the clinic closed to tell her.
I got out of gym class for like 2 months though so who's the real winner here?
Lol how does someone just continue to talk when a bus jerks like that? Also how did you not yell out in pain? I woulda been the biggest baby in that scenario.
Actually, if you look at the diagram they provided, they did not break their pinky finger, but rather the fifth metacarpal, which is the bone that runs through the palm and connects up to the wrist. So they did not break their whole hand (which would have been really bad) but they broke more than just their pinky finger.
Lol I mean, when someone says "I broke my arm," they don't mean, "I broke my radius, ulna, and humerus." Yes, broke a bone in my hand, the one that runs from my pinky finger to my wrist.
This isn't exactly a dumb thing I did, but I went to a bar with my TA and a couple other students. I didn't want to do anything stupid in front of the TA so I just stuck with water. It was a bar that I went to ALL THE TIME and I knew the wait staff. One of the waitresses was there, except she wasn't working. She was getting drunk with her friends. She ran up to me and hugged me and explained loudly to the whole table that she knew me because she waited on me all the time in this bar and "I've never seen you when you were sober and I was drunk. Usually you're drunk and I'm sober. I mean, I've helped you walk out of here before." My TA just grinned at me and said "Oh I'm loving this."
Not the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me, but still. I had a whole thing going, friend.
Kidwit ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:14:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It didn't hurt that bad, to be honest. Not even as bad as stubbing a toe. It started to hurt a ton an hour later, but in the moment all I wanted to do was be still and not bump it into anything.
xPofsx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:55:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Caught my pinky on a handrail. Didn't break my finger for whatever reason, did snap that skinny bone on the outside side of my right hand. Doctor called it a "boxer's break"
I have a boxer's fracture right now. You usually get them from punching things. It didn't hurt that much surprisingly, it was like twenty minutes before anything happened and even then I thought it was just my knuckle so I believe you would be able to no sell that injury for a while.
Spent an entire Thanksgiving weekend pretending I understood Korean, because I felt too awkward to correct my friend's Korean mom who assumed I was Korean too.
SadCena ยท 10100 points ยท Posted at 18:09:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frakshaw ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:19:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it annyeong?
ohesaye ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:08:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but this is a character from "Arrested Development." I haven't watched it, but presumably he greets people and they assume that's his name. "Haseo" is the second part of the greeting to make it a bit more formal.
Pretty much, yeah. The family adopts him and he says "Annyong" when meeting them, which they assume is his name.
It is a running gag throughout the first season that every time they say Annyong, he responds back with Annyong because he doesn't know English and they don't know Korean.
This is actually close to how the slur "gook" came to be. Koreans called US troops "mi-gook saram" which means "American person". Early on someone thought they were saying "me Gook," as in "I'm a Gook (Korean)." They obviously figured out otherwise, but it stuck, and was transferred to Vietnam, where many people mistakenly believe it originated.
It's Korean, so you can't perfectly write it with latin letters.
Of course you can. The standard romanization, when used properly, preserves all needed pronunciation information, and Yale Romanization also preserves all underlying morphological information if you need it.
I'm aware that "annyeong" is the standard transcription of the word, but Annyong is a name. The characters of the show didn't know Korean and so didn't romanize it properly, and even if they did it wouldn't have mattered, people use irregular transcriptions for names all the time. His wiki page uses "Annyong".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean you can't transcribe it in a way that would be intuitively read by English speakers with correct pronunciation, like "ahn-young" or something? Or that there's no possible way to come up with any romanization system that would a have a one-to-one correspondence with Korean pronunciation and writing. The former I would agree with, but if you mean the latter then that's exactly what Yale romanization does. You need to learn how to pronounce it first, just as you would if you learned Hangul, but once you know it any Korean word can be converted to Yale and vice-versa without any loss of information.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It does actually kinda matter if you're trying to faithfully transliterate because there are different Romanization systems and mixing them or ignoring them altogether causes confusion. In all systems, eo and o describe totally different Korean vowels. Annyong is categorically incorrect--matches none of the Romanization systems
It does actually match a variant of McCuneโReischauer romanization where the ห is dropped from the ล. You'll see it in place names in North Korea, like Pyongyang.
I never said it was a good romanization method, just that it exists and is used. In it, "o" can indeed represent both ใ and ใ depending on the word.
And the best part is, it's even better the second time you watch it, since they constantly foreshadow events that are multiple episodes away from happening.
I have a friend who is apparently always "the wrong kind of asian", and he likes to make a small hobby out of seeing how far he can get with nods and grunts.
VTHUT ยท 2314 points ยท Posted at 22:07:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait until he accidentally consents to sex
[deleted] ยท 3104 points ยท Posted at 22:11:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that point he can tone down on the nods and just do grunts
VTHUT ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:20:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm of Italian descent and I get people who think I know Middle Eastern languages or Spanish all the time. A lot of them just assume I'm half of whatever they are.
I've been trying to figure out how this worked for what feels like an Internet eternity (so like 20 seconds). She constantly talked, and talked, and talked, and talked for an entire weekend without you actually saying anything back to her in korean? And she didn't think that was in any way strange? "Wow, what a polite young man. He knows he shouldn't talk to his elders. I like him!" - your friends mom probably.
SilentNN ยท 1767 points ยท Posted at 22:05:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's fairly common to see people that can't speak (or are uncomfortable speaking) their mother language but understand it when spoken to them. She might have thought that was the case for OP.
Yea it's like this. Since it's "Thanksgiving" I'm going to assume they weren't in Korea, so a lot of Heritage speakers can understand, but have problems speaking. Though usually once they start practicing, they can speak since the knowledge is there but the Vocab often isn't.
All you need to know to keep a tagalog conversation going is "'Di ba?" "Grabe?!" "talaga?" "Oo" "Hay nako" "sige"
[deleted] ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 23:23:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My Korean mom would pick up on that fast and make him speak because she'd be suspicious. They're not stupid. Especially since it's really traditional to bombard any newcomer with a lot of personal questions, and it is seen as rude if you don't acknowledge your elders or respond to their questions.
Really? What kind of personal questions? Like, what would a sample dialogue sound like? I noticed in Terrace house, though that's Japanese, that everyone asks age and relationship status within minutes of meeting, but I thought that was probably just a quirk of the show.
How old are you?
What university do you/did you go to?
Is that a good university?
[If graduated...]
Do you have a job?
Is that a good company?
Are you married?
Why not?
When are you going to get married?
I WILL TALK TO MY FRIEND FROM CHURCH WHO HAS A SON/DAUGHTER YOUR AGE WHO SADLY ISN'T MARRIED YET EITHER.
rnykal ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:06:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Noo stopp please
I don't want to be coupled, i'm happy by myself, leave me alooone
gzilla57 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:04:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rude
yinfish ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:59:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐
So accrate.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooo I've watched terrace house, too! I think the Japanese are waay less nosy and less rude than the Koreans are (no offense), so they may not be as probing. My parents are business people and their friends always ask about what school I go to, what I'm studying, how old I am, etc. If I gave them grunts and nods, they would see that as disrespect cause it seems like I don't want to engage in conversation with them. They might see you as an antisocial person who wasn't raised properly. They also make direct comments about how you look, or even might make a comment about your personality when they don't even completely know you yet.
woofle07 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:57:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boss and one of my coworkers have this weird thing where they're both English/Spanish bilingual, but he's more comfortable speaking Spanish and she's more comfortable with English, so they'll have long back and forth conversations where he says something in Spanish and she responds in English. They'll just go back and forth perfectly understanding each other but it just completely confuses anyone else listening
Yeah I can confirm I was born and raised in the US and I can understand Gujarati almost fluently but I can't speak back more than one or two phrases
GotHamm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs most likely what happened. I improved my Spanish speech through years of practice with my family while my sister never speaks. She can still understand most things but prefers to respond in English.
I stayed at my friendโs house in Italy, and her mom would speak to me in Italian although I didnโt understand a bit of it. So sheโd just repeat everything very slowly, but I still had no idea what she was saying. Iโm Chinese-American
If I could do it again, Iโd learn more Italian beforehand
Yeah, so long as he can understand it, it shouldn't be an issue if he can't speak. Some people also have subpar English, so they wouldn't able to speak to him that good anyway.
Yeah, my best friend immigrated to the US from Moldova when she was really young, and she says she can still understand Romanian but can no longer speak it.
Thatโs how I am Iโm a first generation in American kid born to Sudanese-Ethiopian parents. I can somewhat speak and understand Nuer but I always respond to them in English as it is what Iโm more comfortable speaking
So much this. My wife is native Spanish and speaks a lot in that dialect around home. I understand a lot of what she says but I know I'd fuck it up if I answered that way.
Bergauk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, oddly enough, if he was Chinese he could get by on knowing some key words that are shared between both languages.
No he can't. Korean and Chinese are very different despite having some similar vocabulary. It's like saying an English speaker should be able to get by in a French or German environment despite never having learned it.
I have a Chinese friend who speaks in French (his mother tongue) and his parents would respond in Cantonese. It's extremely weird but it is how it works. Perhaps his mother assumes he understands and she also thinks he's a quiet person. I think it is still possible
Just curious, why does your Chinese friend speak French as a native language? Did he move to France young, or is there a former French colony in China, or something else...?
Well, there's really a big difference between understanding and speaking. I have Italian family members and I've spent a lot of time with Italian speakers, but my parents never taught me. So when they my cousins, etc speak, I pick up probably 75% of the words, enough to totally understand what they're saying. But I couldn't speak a single sentence in Italian if I tried. I'm sure a ton of other people share my experience.
With Asian languages I bet this is even more the case because of how many inflections there are that change the word, it's probably easier to understand what someone saying than be able to know when you use those inflections or words yourself.
Neoking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, recognition is something very distinct from actual memorization and creation.
baddev ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:27:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would be surprised how far you can get. When I met my wife I didn't speak her language well but could understand her when we spoke 1 on 1. In group situations I was useless but because everyone had heard me talk their language they would just talk at me full pace and didn't notice that I had no idea what was happening for whole evenings. I think they just thought I was quiet/shy.
That's mostly how conversations go with older Korean women in my experience. Youths don't really converse with older people like Westerners do anyway, especially not two people who don't know each other well. The elder does the talking, and the younger person just smiles and nods.
I live in a community with lots of Koreans, and it took me a long time to stop being offended by the fact that the older people don't even acknowledge your presence half the time so long as they're conversing with your older companion. And again, when they do acknowledge you, you're expected to just sort of go along with whatever they're saying. Doesn't matter if you speak Korean or not.
Conveniently, "yeah" and the Korean word for "yes" sound very similar. So you really can have entire conversations where you just nod and say "yeah" occasionally
My grandma is Korean and she forgets that I don't speak Korean, all the time. You can kind of get a feel of what they are saying via the context of what is going on at the time and so I reply to her Korean rambling in English and she just keeps on going, thinking I know what she is saying.
My mom could do this. Social awkwardness makes her talk more, and faster. It's visibly anxious, which usually makes the people she's talking to get a scared expression on their faces, which makes her even more anxious, which causes her to talk even more.
I never said a word my last two years of high school. It was easier to just let her keep talking and guess what I wanted to say than to try and participate.
Or the story is bullshit. I lived in Korea for fifteen years and didn't speak a lick when I showed up. As with any language, I suspect, you can nod and smile and stretch it out to about two minutes before people realize you don't understand. I believe is the most highly upvoted outright lie I've ever seen.
[deleted] ยท 1895 points ยท Posted at 17:42:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My kid brought a friend home for Thanksgiving this year. He's a nice Korean boy like our son, but I think this kid probably doesn't come from a good home because he's not very polite. That, or he has some anxiety issues. At the beginning of the meal I asked him if he'd like to say grace, and he just laughed and said "yeah", while nodding his head, and then he just started eating. We all sort of stared at him for a minute, and then just sort of wordlessly agreed it would be too akward to say prayer, and followed his suite.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:17:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's rudeness as much as just not understanding. When I was younger I started eating at a friend's house before they prayed and my friend freaked out at me. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude but I was raised in such a non-religious household that it didn't even occur to me that some people did that. I would assume your son's friend just didn't know what you were talking about.
haha This happens with all of my Korean relatives, especially my grandma and my aunts. They immediately start speaking Korean with any Asian person who looks even remotely Korean. They did that with my first girlfriend who was half-Korean.
The funniest part is when they'll sometimes keep going anyways even after you tell them you're Chinese or Vietnamese. It's more hilarious that they begin using their hands and speaking louder as if you'll catch the context of what they're saying. Although I would say that it wouldn't seem funny to observers because they're from Daegu and they have a thick accent that makes them sound like they want to fight someone at any given chance.
That happened to me at a Korean wedding. I was a friend of the bride. When she came by to check on me I asked her how to say "I'm not Korean but you're cute and I still want your number" but she wouldn't tell me.
This reminds me a lot of when I was a freshman in high school, I had signed up for a student exchange program with a school from Chile, and when the Chileans came and the parents of the students (at my school) were at the school meeting each other I figured this would be a good time to introduce myself to one of my new friends' (who was new to the school) mom (who was Colombian) and she started speaking Spanish to me confusing for one of the Chilean students and I just sat there confused and awkwardly said in my broken Spanish that I am one of the American students.
But also happened again, when I went to Chile a group of the students who came to be part of the welcoming committee at the airport and teacher, thought I was one of the students too confusing me for one of their classmates.
Never knew Iranians could be confused for Chileano.
On the flip side of this story, I speak a language that I don't look like I speak. The other day I was in a cab when the cab driver started speaking on the phone in that language. I was excited to speak with him after he hung up but then he started telling whoever it was on the phone about how his wife left him and took his best camera and all the good lenses... and I was like nvm too awkward so I had to pretend to only speak English for the rest of the trip
imdachef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That also happens to me I'm Latino but don't quite fit the part. Its really surprising to people when they find out that im bilingual.
Daephex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:16:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Chinese and one of my best friends is also Chinese, and another one is Korean. My mom will speak to all of us in Chinese and forget that my Korean friend doesn't understand.
Usually we just let her talk and then tell my Korean friend what's happening.
Similar to this, when I was stationed in Germany I liked to travel alone. I knew very little German, only like small pleasantries. I was at a store and this old man starting making fun of this obviously drunk person trying to buy stuff. I just smile and nodded and looked for social cues. He thought I understood everything, but I did not know a damn word he said other than bye.
How the hell do you FAKE that?? I mean I'm assuming you're [family is] from another Asian country and could "pass" for Korean, but you'd think she'd eventually get it that "This guy doesn't know what the fuck I'm saying."
Gorstag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally reminds me of "The Good Place".
Cyber628 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to do this with a Mexican relative since I didn't know Spanish. It went well since she couldn't speak English so it was just both of us not understanding each other thinking the other did. That was a horrible 4 hours
I think they probably knew? My in laws do not settle for grunts or affirmative sounds - anything that's not 'yes, sir/ma'am' in Korean will be considered rude. If you at least had a polite yes and no and a good head nod I'd believe it.
Off the top of my head, being at a crosswalk and pretending to walk down the road instead because I would rather let oncoming cars pass first rather than have one stop and wait for me to cross.
The accuracy of this is not even funny - I do this everyday when I walk to my job shadow (or Co-op placement, as we call it here in Ontario). Itโs comforting to know I am not the only one who does this.
Every time I approach a cross walk or street I want to cross if there is a car coming a I do a quick 90 turn towards them and continue walking, the moment they pass I then cross the street.
Better safe than sorry, one time I did it the guy careened off the road and smashed into a lamp post. By that time I was already like 200m away so I just noped the hell out of there. (It was in town, there were plenty of closer people at the nearby shops to help the dude.)
Unless a vehicle has already stopped I'd rather just wait for them to pass.
You: smiles, nods, gestures back saying thanks but you go, but you take a step forward slowly expecting them to go
Them: smiles, proceeds to go. Then slams on the brakes as they see you slowly step forward. Looks at you like what the fuck but continues to go because they look stupid to the other drivers.
YES!!!!! LITERALLY ME!!! actually, I have so much unfounded anxiety about walking around town in public that i hardly go anywhere, because I HATE the thought of people in cars looking at me
I turn away from them and look at my phone until they pass, so they aren't prompted to stop because I won't see them. Obviously don't stand to close to the road while looking distracted.
Shantles ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:24:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this, but pretend I'm looking at my phone for directions on where I'm going. I'll even look around like I'm trying to find street signs or building numbers.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:05:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I thought I was socially retarded but this one is amazing.
Tapputi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:59:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just polite though. If it's one person in one car I'll walk, but if there is a passenger or multiple cars then I'll wait/pretend I'm doing something else. I just feel like our time is equally valuable.
I do this shit all the time. If I'm walking down a sidewalk and get o the crosswalk, I will either just stand there looking confused and not looking across or look at my phone confused.
I usually linger at street corners because oh I need a drink, oh I'm waiting for someone, oh I'm checking my phone just so I don't have to deal with crossing with a car there.
To be fair though, some people are fucking awful drivers and so it's not just being awkward, it's "there's no cross light and I don't want them to hit me".
push__ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:05:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just walk behind the car if they stop. It's the only thing that makes them go.
bbtvvz ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:20:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many people do this! It's hilarious to watch people do the dance of "you don't see me" at crosswalks.
Today I was walking back from the Dining Facility on base when I approached an intersection taking the sidewalk adjacent to the road. There was a car that had arrived at this intersection at the same time I did and was pausing to make its left turn until after I had stepped off the sidewalk and crossed the street. Ever wanting not to cause any fuss, I followed the sidewalk and made a left turn, leaving the road unblocked for this car. As soon as the car drove past I halted and crossed the street, as per my original plan, and continued on home.
This entire incident played out in only a matter of three to four seconds, and was probably forgotten about by the driver instantly after he turned and carried on with his day. Yet I felt that I had somehow lied to that car. I had wronged that 2004 Toyota Corolla and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt guilty about lying to a car. These are the things that keep me up at night, folks. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful new year.
I do this all of the time. It just saves time by not getting into akward standoff where you are not sure if the driver will wait for you and driver is not sure if you are going or not.
e_braz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:35:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
leadabae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:40:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg I do this all the time, especially at small streets where there isn't a light.
Smartoad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any time a car is trying to pull out of a driveway or intersection I just go behind them. I hate the uncertainty of right of way so I just avoid it all together
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait? Isn't this just normal?
Note: Cars have the passing priviledge in my country, so you have to wait for cars to pass before you can, so you won't get smashed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:38 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the streets with heavy traffic, yes, but not incredibly. You have to be more careful. But they still have to slow down at the traffic lights, lanes or zebra crossings.
Also, there are usually overpasses over major streets.
Not to come off as hostile or anything. Do you walk much? Most people general don't think about being, "legally bound." I've had people;floor it when I'm half way across, not stop, etc
teh_maxh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:06:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah? So if they ignore their legal obligation and kill me, they'll go to jail? That makes me feel so much better about being dead!
I still do this, but honestly I donโt even care about how awkward it looks anymore. Most of the time if they look like theyโll stop Iโll just turn to the right and walk behind them as they pass, assuming thereโs enough space.
In addition to this, I speed up to catch up with someone else and cross at the same time as them, then as soon as we've crossed I stop and "answer a text" so I'm not walking two steps behind a complete stranger.
billet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:06 on October 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not awkward at all. That's exactly what I do. If you stop at all, they are required by law to stop. Why make them do that? I'll stop and look at my phone or something, but your method works too.
dwerpl ยท 1852 points ยท Posted at 20:48:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a lark I decided to join the swim team in 9th grade. On the first day of practice we had to lift weights first thing. I was a scrawny kid who over did it trying to look tough. By the end I couldnt lift my arms. Then, after changing and shuffling onto the poolside bleachers, I heard the coach say that we were going to do 25 laps as a warm up. I knew I couldn't do that and would sink like a stone but there was no way I could walk off, in a speedo, and save my pride. So, instead, when he finished his pep talk by saying "All you springboard divers just head on over and start stretching before doing dive warm-ups" I made the spontaneous decision to switch sports. I had never even been on a diving board before.
I was so self-conscious that people would know that I switched because I was too weak to swim 25 laps that I stuck with it for THREE YEARS and ended up earning a varsity letter as a diver.
[deleted] ยท 300 points ยท Posted at 23:10:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accidentally locked myself on the roof of my office's parking garage ... it was my first week there and I didn't know the doors closed behind you and locked, I'd left my access badge on my desk.
Rather than call for help and be "that guy", I ... climbed down the side of the parking garage.
RitsuKawa ยท 7461 points ยท Posted at 18:34:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once did the same thing at my high school. Only there was nothing to climb down. It was on the second floor. I thought it wasn't that high so I could jump and brace myself for the landing and not get hurt. I broke my leg and had to go to the hospital.
You've been subscribed to Dad Jokes. If you'd like to unsubscribe... oh wait you can't! You gotta be 18 and move out before you can avoid these, sonny!
I had actually read this comment, then was on to reading other comments when it made sense, so I giggled so hard. I had to come back to this one to upvote it.
Also fuck being embarrassed to tell people things when there's inherent confidentiality in the situation (lawyer, doctor, etc...). What are they gonna do? Judge you? Fuck em, they can't tell anyone what you said without risking their entire professional career, so it's not like what you said leaves the room. And since they're a professional, it's not like you're running into them on a regular basis. Tell them everything even remotely relevant.
I told him I fell off the retaining wall behind the school that was only 4ft high. So he knew I was full of it.
Wanemore ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:41:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's odd. It's definitely very possible to break your leg from 4 ft up if you land at a bad angle. Seems weird that he'd be so sure you were lying
babobudd ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 00:11:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It could be that the kid was acting strange because of embarrassment and so the doctor was probing them to try and make sure they weren't lying to cover for an abusive family member.
I recently literally stepped off a curb, maybe 1 foot down and broke my tibia and shattered my ankle. Surgeon told me that kinda shit happens all the time. Your doctor is a dick.
Judgy doctors do suck though, and rob you of any confidence you had in them. My previous doctor couldn't stop comparing me to their son. They'd ask things like what I was studying, where I worked etc. Then would say things like "oh, my son is your age and he's in medical school." or "oh that reminds of how my son climbed Everest with a lion on his back."
Dude... I'm here because my knee feels like it's falling off, I'm not your son, shut up and refer me to a physical therapist already.
Grenyn ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 21:47:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People like that suck regardless of their profession. It's okay to be proud of your children, but never rub their success in someone's face.
justbear ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:14:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dentist does this! Twice a year I have to listen to how my degree (environmental science) isn't that great and I'll never make a lot of money and HIS daughter is like a psychologist or in grad school or something. The worst part is I can't say something snarky back because his hands are in my mouth.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:29:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't help, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
I have been told that I have "corrosive saliva," so...
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:21:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could...accidentally...bite him. (No, donโt really do that. Can you find a new dentist?)
justbear ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I liked the hygienist and I am lazy so I put up with it for years. But now I've moved out of state so goodbye!!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good! I love my dentist, even though Iโm scared of going to see him. Thatโs one of those professional relationships that really needs to be positive!
Wanemore ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:44:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lucky for her they're opening a psychology factory right down the street.
I've noticed that a lot people hate that conversation technique of comparing them to someone else or even one-upping you but I think it's just how some people try to be relatable, and unintentionally come across as condescending.
I refused to tell the doctor the truth about how I got hurt because I was so embarrassed.
Yet another example of you doing something dumb because you were too awkward to do the normal thing. The doctor just wanted to make sure nobody injured you, especially your parents or teachers. You could have told him you jumped off a second story because you thought it would be fine. Lots of kids do similar things.
I sprained my ankle at the end of my shift once but waited until I got home to go to the doctor. Partly it was because I didn't want a recordable incident on my record, but mostly it was because I was careless and felt stupid.
zpuma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:43:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Howd you break your leg?! Not telling! It's a secret. The mafia will get me.
g0atmeal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:16:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People don't usually internalize the exponent, and might think a double height is only equivalent to double speed.
linhtinh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:04:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tuck and roll from two stories and he could have gotten paralyzed..
Toland27 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:54:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah unless you know exactly what to do, a tuck and roll from that height will just have you land on your spine(or even worse, your head) instead of your legs
I had a dream about this last night. I was at my college to visit teachers and the second floor was really high and totally open to the lower floor. I noticed the edge and that made me slip off it. Decided I was too lazy to try to pull myself up so I dropped and broke my legs. Woke up thinking I should go visit my teachers
For future reference, if you ever need to jump off a potentially dangerous height, upon impact you should not brace your legs, but instead immediately drop into a forward roll. This will probably keep you from breaking your legs.
Oops, that's actually what I was referring to. I've always referred to it as a forwards roll, I wasn't aware of the distinction between their names. Thanks for clearing that up!
A kid at my school did something similar, he got on top of the building and then someone shouted "flip or no balls" he then proceeded to flip off the building and faceplant on the ground. A few days later a (maybe faking) weird kid in one of my classes was watching the video except he kept rewinding it to the moment of impact because "it sounded funny"
Skidvish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:46:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the best way to pull that off is to hang from the edge, then let yourself fall
monthos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At mid thirties, I don't understand how I did the things I did at late teens and early 20's. For instance, when I still lived with my parents we were cutting down a tree that was between the house and garage (detached, but very close with only a walkway between them).
So I climbed out a second story window onto the roof of the porch, it was solidly second story height, they threw a saw up, and I cut some medium sized branches, mostly the stuff we needed out of the way when we finally fell the entire tree, due to clearance in a small walkway. Afterwards, quite a few of my friends were helping too so I felt the need to act like a badass and I just jumped from the roof to the grass. It hurt, but no broken bones.
I mean, it's a bit late now for this information, but I'm pretty sure if you land more 'limp like' you could have gotten away with some bruises. Although, I've yet to be forced to implement this strategy, so I'm relying on my med school mate for this info.
Me, too, kind of! A teacher locked two of my classmates and me into a classroom, after we were running through the floors and had hidden there. However, in the room next door were other kids, who opened the window for us, and we just hopped from window to the next.
It was on the third floor, though, so that was not the most wise idea. The teacher must have been quite scared when he opened the door later and just saw the open window.
LPT: if you're ever in this situation again, don't jump. Grab the side of the ledge you are jumping from with your hands and hang by your arms before you drop. It will shave off the distance to the ground.
Jump off it? or at least hang off an edge and fell down?
RettyD4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend jump off a 3 story roof on a dare when we were 13 and he didn't suffer a thing. I was trying to talk him out of it, but no. It was onto grass. It probably helped we was a really good basketball player, but still he got lucky as hell.
How do you count that? Is the groung floor counted as 1 or would that be one higher? I think you count ground as 1 in the US, don't you? If so that really wasn't that high. I think you problem was going stiff.
That only make sense if the floors got progressively further out as you descended. Otherwise, youโre climbing over a rail then trying to somehow get enough swinging momentum to pendulum into the next floor while missing that rail directly below. Sounds scary as shit.
A bit late, essentially he was drunk and decided to follow another friend who was actually practices parkour.
He remembers jumping over the railing, forgetting what he was doing, and trying to sit mid-air. We remember running to look over as we could hear the landing did not go well. We ended up running around the ramp to the lower level and finding him sitting in a lot of pain. I don't know if anything actually broke but he walked with crutches for a bit and we teased him for having a broken ass.
I think I did well. Scores come out either tonight or tomorrow night. The topics were pretty easy, just remembering a lot of compounds and things that threw me off.
Interesting. High school or college? That's a lot of things to have on one test. My kids are taking a test on balancing reactions, stoichiometry and limiting reactions next Friday.
College. I didnโt take the AP exam because our science department quit and the school hired a teacher that was still in college and we watch YouTube videos of chemistry in class. All I remember from her is OIL RIG for oxidationrules.
Edit: They were going to also have energy transfer, but they decided to remove it about a week before the exam.
Shikogo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:31:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, this is weird. If you look in his posting history, you can find this comment, but if you actually try to open it in the thread it comes up empty. Either way, this is the linked image.
pinktini ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 23:16:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sitting in a classroom so quiet you can hear a pin drop...trying my damndest in holding my laugh. You can hear me choking on my breath
Judging from the many videos I've seen of pandas intentionally dropping/rolling themselves off of various playground equipment, your username has become absurdly accurate.
Back in the 70's the University of Cincinnati had a three story parking garage. The stairwell was enclosed in these hollow bricks that let wind and weather in. They had 6" octagonal holes all the way up the side of the structure. I was about 13 and me and a buddy climbed up and down and across that thing for almost half an hour. We even played tag!
Nowadays I can't go near a high ledge, but at 13 I was invincible!
The last thing I climbed was when I was 19. A rock wall by Hanging Lake in Colorado. Beautiful spot. No training. No equipment just started climbing. About 60' up I got stuck. Couldn't go up. Couldn't go down. So I went up anyway and got real lucky. Don't climb anything more than a ladder anymore and I'm none too fond of them.
Would love to hear this story with some more details about how you decided to go progressively higher, your thought process, and how you processed what to do next when you realized you were stuck. Please.
Me and my buddies would do stupid shit like this on rocks in Colorado. Nothing too tough but stuff we had no business messing with. Hanging lake was about a few miles hike off of I-70 east of Glenwood Springs. It was gorgeous! (I hear that's changed but I don't want to think about it.
The lake has a wide waterfall into it and dozens of little falls above. There's a big rock face on one side. My friends had brought up some vodka and some sort of drink mix. They used that and water from the lake to put themselves to sleep on a rock in the sun. I wasn't much of a drinker so I started looking around for something to do. That was the rock face.
I don't know how high it was. I was never a good estimate of things like this, but it was high. I looked at that rock for a while and saw a route that seemed to provide hand and footholds all the way. Without much internal debate I started up.
Everything went pretty much as I expected until I got near the end. From the ground I had seen where I had to switch from one spot to another and it looked like simple. The problem was that it's hard to judge distance when you're standing at the bottom of a structure looking up at it. What looked like a simple transition was actually about a foot and a half beyond comfortable reach.
Okay. What could I do? I had looked at another path while scouting so I decide to try that alternative. All I had to do was backtrack a dozen feet and go up the other side. This entailed climbing down, which I soon found to be difficult and essentially impossible. Not only did I have to find traction mostly by feel, I had to look down, which emphasized the long drop onto broken rocks that would follow any mistake.
So, I couldn't go down, I couldn't go up. Any other options? Well, I could yell down to my sleeping friends who could then hike down to the road then drive back to town and get some help to come fetch a moron off of a wall. All while I cling precariously to said wall. This was 1983. Car phones were barely a thing, let alone cell phones. It could be two or three hours before rescue. I just couldn't see myself holding on that long. My perch was just too precarious.
Well, as I said before, the handhold I scouted from below was just beyond comfortable reach so....I reached uncomfortably. After about three minutes of breathing and concentrating on exactly what I had to do and how I had to do it, I lunged for that handhold. I did everything perfectly and got a firm grip on the rock with both hands and feet. I swear I thought the flush of relief was gonna make me knock me off after all that. But I stayed on and was up and over the top in quick order. I walked down the path that went around the back of the rock and hung out until my buddies woke up and we went back to town. I didn't mention the climb.
That look down from the rock mus have stayed with me. I'm really wonky about ledges and roof edges and such. That was just one of a several instances of stupidity I shouldn't have survived. This was one that I actually took a lesson from right away. The others, not always so much.
Also, this narrative gives a much more coherent and linear framework to the experience than the reality of it. Picture a 19 year old stoner in sneakers, cutoffs and zero climbing acumen looking at a cliff and saying, "I wonder if I can climb that. Hm. Yeah, I can go there...and there...and...yeah! I can do it!" and off he goes! That was me three and a half decades ago.
So, that was my thought process as I was climbing a rock I had no business on. Couldn't go down, couldn't go up so I went up. I hope this is what you were looking for. I would edit it but I'm tired, so you get it in raw form. Thanks for asking. I've always kinda wanted to write this story down. Now I have the backbone of it and I can clean it up later. Have a good night.
Thank you. It was very weird. Thinking about how I had to move every muscle to do this thing just right and even thinking about the contingency of what to do if I missed. How do I land to possibly increase my chances of survival? Do I even want to take a chance on surviving and being paralyzed or should I turn head down to make sure I died? I'm pretty sure that counts as a surreal internal discussion. I hadn't decided by the time I made the leap. I guess I thought I'd figure it out on the way down.
havron ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:09:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hadn't decided by the time I made the leap. I guess I thought I'd figure it out on the way down.
This is how many of us approach big life-changing decisions throughout our lives, perhaps all too often.
Edit: Don't know why I'm being downvoted. Scaling a parking garage is badass. I guess maybe being a badass is a bad thing? In which case, username doesn't check out...
It really depends but a lot of buildings have scalable sides. parking garages especially because they often dont build full walls in order to leave them open air.
CLErox ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:02:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this ever actually happening to anyone? Iโm a guy with a good sense of humor and I drink tons of water. Iโve never once, in my 33 years on earth spit out my drink from laughter.
I usually manage to inhale my drink into my lungs. But I don't need to be even laughing to manage to do that.
lava172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens if I'm laughing with my friends but not if I'm reading reddit comments. The most audible reaction I've ever gotten from a reddit comment was 2 seconds of normal laughter, and that was with a very funny comment.
Now that you say that... I spilt coffee on my keyboard 2 weeks ago but I just put it over to the side and brought one from home because Iโm too awkward to ask IT for a new one.
Don't worry too much. Keyboards cost virtually nothing. We get new keyboards, mice, display cables,... with every. singe. PC. we buy. We have loads and loads of keyboards nobody will ever need. If you ask, you can have three keyboards too if it means the stack gets a little smaller.
But our development team uses Apple computers and I made them specifically order the wired Apple keyboard with the num pad. So Iโm awkward AND picky I guess.
Yuvalk1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:47:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why I always work with two sets of keyboard and mouse. Less awkward talks with IT, and more productivity
I opened four or five of them and Ctrl-F'd for "keyboard", including the one with "key" in the title. I didn't feel like hunting through every post they'd submitted so...
Edit: just did the same but sorting by "top". The top post actually does mention keyboards but only in the context of wireless mice...
Isn't that's a really horrible thing for the company because it won't be the employee in trouble.
Iirc If the employee can prove that the company doesn't care about training and curbing OSHA violations then the company is on the hook for even more damages
If an employee is injured (depending on the injury), it must be reported to OSHA. Failure to report is a HUGE violation. After reporting, OSHA may investigate and fine the company for any violations.
Also, OSHA can show up any time at your place of business (or work site) and do an inspection. You do, however, have the right to turn them away but it's probably best if you don't.
I can see myself in that predicament. I look around for an option, see that the side of the garage seems surprisingly climbable, and decide to risk it all.
RettyD4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He wasn't doing any work so that wouldn't be OSHA's department. The police may have a mental health check at worst.
HobKing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:46:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OSHA violation
lol wut
A random dude climbing down a building has nothing to do with OSHA...? lol
What if he works at Foxconn? They have fall (suicide) protection (netting) on the exterior of the building so not an OSHA violation :P
ender323 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure that's still an OSHA violation. OSHA is very redudant. (And that's a pretty reasonable redundancy). Also, OSHA is an American thing only afaik, foxconn is in China.
Man, if I had a dollar for all the times in my life I've found myself doing something just as stupid and dangerous while softly muttering to myself "well, this was a real bright fucking idea, wasn't it?"
Although my stuff didn't usually come from a place of awkwardness, it originated more from sheer stubbornness and an absolute inability to back down from things.
I feel like I want to say we should be friends, because I find myself in the same situations for the same reasons, but well, I don't think either of us would benefit from that. We'd just be trying to climb down/up higher buildings, have worse hangovers, and wake up in further away places with stranger things in our backpacks.
I've posted it a couple of other places in the thread, but the roof is actually not another deck of the parking garage and has no "ramp" access to the lower levels, they have a little garden and a bunch of solar panels up there.
my little brother was locked out of my mothers apartment that he lived in at like 2-3 am; so he climbed the facade to their second story balcony and got in thru the sliding door.
mom absolutely flipped out when she realized someone could get in that way, not that brother got home, but that she could have been murdered or something
Many many years ago when I was younger, so much younger than today, me and my boss locked our self outside a customers building while we took a smoke break. It was around 19:00 and no one in the building.
I was a climber, told my boss I could climb up the facade and enter the open window on the third floor. Boss didn't want to call customer after hours and agreed. So I climbed, went in, ran down the stairs and locked my boss in.
20 minutes later we had to explain to the cops why I climbed in. The cops called the client and got her down to the place we were working. She gave us some extra keys so we could go in and out as we wanted. It was pretty embarrassing. Several people had called the cops reporting of a robbery in action.
scgtrp ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:10:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uh, that's probably illegal according to the fire codes to have the parking garage trap you at the top. You may want to call that in anonymously because that sounds really dangerous.
No, the roof is actually a roof (they have it covered in solar panels and a garden), rather than another deck for the garage... It's a nuisance because there's never enough parking.
I'm cracking up at the thought of a few guys having some master plan to break into an office to steal a hard drive or monitor or some kind of bullshit. After countless hours of skydiving training, renting a plane, getting clearance for whatever the hell they are doing, their plan is foiled because Jeanna thought it would raise office morale to put a fucking garden on the roof.
A huge fire code violation, and the company would have been liable for any injury or death from the dumb climb down - it is not legal to be able to strand yourself inside any part of a commercial building or parking garage (other than locking yourself in a bathroom or a bank vault or something.)
zeke_11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fire can't go through parking garages, it's not a ghost!
Reminds me of the time I locked myself in the food storage fridge at my first job. Little did I know there is a pretty obvious door release from the inside. Instead I panicked in the darkness and started knocking on the door calling for my coworker (who happened to be a pretty cute woman). Embarassing.
When I was a kid my mates and I were into parkour. We used to try and outdo each other with random dramatic exits. The catch phrase was "gotta go!" as if we suddenly realized an appointment or something, then jump out a window, off a balcony, climb out a sun roof at a stop light, slide down a storm sewer, that sort of thing.
When I was 18, a friend of mine decided to go to New-Zealand for a year (learning English, discovering a new country, fucking sheep, and whatnot). So he had a "departure party" in his hometown, and we could stay there if we had a tent.
The thing is, the town was really far from my city, and there was no train station nearby, so I went with a friend, named Pierre, who had a car. And as the night went, there were fewer and fewer people, and it was clear that nobody wanted to stay sleeping there. And so did Pierre. So we went back to my town, and he let me there, at my parents'.
However, I had forgotten to take my keys with me, and couldn't wake my parents...
BUT I HAD A TENT ! AND A SLEEPING BAG !
Then I decided to climb up the wall to access the deck over our conservatory, and procedeed to set up the tent. While drunk.
In the morning, sober me didn't want to risk to climb down. And the door to access the deck was situated in... the loo.
Thus I called my parents on a Sunday morning to ask them to open the door of the toilets.
Bonus points: my neighbours saw me in the tent and asked my parents why I wanted to sleep on the deck... because our garden seemed more suited to try camping... (drunk me likes to climb apparently)
SonicN ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 18:07:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i had to jog down 19 stories in an office building cuz i was trying to get a key card and had walked up to an upper floor to get it... to get back in from the stairwell i needed my keycard... which i was on my way to get
How is it possible for you to become trapped on top of the structure? I find it incredible that laws/safety regulations allowed the only exit to be access-controlled.
(Not doubting your story at all, just flabbergasted you ended up in that situation in the first place!)
matty842 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:50:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit. You don't have the core strength to accomplish this. I've seen you at the gym, you only work your glam muscles.
I did this at my friends apartment complex. She took me around the back to the courtyard entrance. Silly me, when I was leaving thought "Well heck, I'll go the same way!" Because it was scenic and a nice night.
Nope. Got stuck in the courtyard. I couldn't exit without a key, or get into the building without a key. I chose to hop the fence rather than admit defeat.
Repeating myself from just up the thread, but this is a fire code violation and the apartment complex is breaking the law. What if there's a fire (or an earthquake or a psycho with a gun) and a guest, or a resident who forgets their key, becomes trapped here? Fire exits are a thing. You must be able to escape in an emergency without having a key.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this at an exes apt. We had broken up but i forgot my rarely used bike was locked up in the bike cage of her apt garage. Tailgated a car into the garage. Credit carded my way into the bike cage but turns out you can open the garage door without a fob from the inside. However there is a one floor drop you can do to get out.. had to toss the bike into a bush then drop myself down.
Worth it. She hated when I broke into places anyway.
StatOne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:50:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Foolishly did this myself once. Can't remember why I did it; decorative blocks on the outside looked so inviting, I guess?
I did this, as I was having my coffee early morning I was smoking on a fire exit at our apartment and the wind made the exit door close. So i fucking had to open the latch in the floor so I could use the fucking stairs down to the lower level. (Note this is the kknd of stairs where you need use both hands and feet. Idk the term lols)
temalyen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fears of something like that happening is why I take my badge with me everywhere when i first start somewhere.
akgoel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not actually bad. You saved yourself and others a lot of time instead. I guess the climb down was very risky?
Heh, that reminds me of the time I got locked in a basement. In the 90s it wasn't unusual for me to spend a lot of a party away from the main gathering toking away and helping other people get their mood right. Once I was at a house rented by a co-worker I knew, but not really really well. Actually at least three of my colleagues were down in that basement with me when the gang was ready to return upstairs. I lingered to clear the bowl, dispose of ashes, etc. By the time I got up that staircase, the basement door had been locked.
A good pounding could have overpowered the music and brought someone who would let me out of the now unlit basement. Instead I went back downstairs, had another bowl, and nursed half a beer until another party guest wanted to partake. I don't know how long it was, and this was before smartphones, so I might have been down there more than an hour. I remember calling out, "bring me another beer," with some urgency when that first ray of light spilled down the staircase. Of course, this time around I made a point to gather my things and ascend with the hostess when we were done.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing happened to me. Second story roof. Decided I'd hang off the edge and then drop. Landed on my butt and cracked two vertebrae and had to wear a back brace for 6 months. But I didn't have to call someone, so I consider it a win.
Similar I managed to lock myself out on a balcony of my university. They didn't have any signs to say the door locks behind you and I just wanted somewhere quiet and secluded to eat my lunch. Instead of just asking someone walking by to come let me in I called my girlfriend to come by and open the door for me on her lunch break.
Oh this happened to someone at my old job once! He got sent to get some stuff from a supply closet in the basement during a rush at our coffee shop and it was about a half hour before we realized that he still hadn't come back yet. Turns out he had made a wrong turn and got himself locked out of the building and trapped on an out of the way car ramp.... which had iced over due to it being winter. We only found him when the person got we sent looking finally got close enough to reach him on the radio (he was too far out of range to reach the rest of us).
And then a scary homeless guy started walking towards me and I was like "Oh shit!" And he opened his mouth and my friend was like "Hes gonna say words dude!" And the scary homeless guy was like "Ill let you out cause I have the key cause Im the security guard instead!"
I imagine you could have just waited by the door for max 10 minutes. I used to deliver Chinese food and I rarely had gate codes. So I would pull off and I rarely waited more than 5 minutes to follow somebody through. I do the same thing if I forget my badge at work. I just sit in the lobby until the next person comes in and follow them in.
I once climbed over a 4m fence to get off the property where I did a summer job on my first day because I didn't bother anybody by asking to let me out
In the shop I used to work at the back door had those kind of locks and no realistic way back around to the front. After locking myself out three times in a row and having to call for someone to open the door I was "that guy".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you were in a parkour garage.
7epha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
username checks out
PapaFern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely something I would have done. Save on embarrassment, heighten the coolometer...the get a serious bollocking for it
I saw somebody open a roll of pennies before by smacking it on the drawer. I had never opened one before and I had two customers watching me as I smashed pennies all over the place. Now I just tear it open instead of trying to be cool.
Ah yeah I've seen people do it that way, but i was too scared to ever try it. One day a new girl (who was already annoying because she tried to boss people around who were her equals and had been there longer) at my old job saw me doing it the slow tearing open way and loudly announced that she could do it faster, proceeded to snatch the roll from me, smack it open and pennies went flying all over, including one that nearly missed the customer waiting on their change.
She turned 5 shades of red then disappeared.
So if you ever feel embarassed about your incident at least you didn't do that as obnoxiously and embarassingly as she did.
Edit: i don't remmeber making this comment, i don't remember getting any of these annotations, yet it have got 2100 upvotes. huh. i never drink alcohol. i swear.
[deleted] ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 21:11:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Here's one they just made up: 'near miss.' When two planes almost collide, they call it a near miss. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss! *crashing sound* Look, they nearly missed." - George Carlin
Gl33m ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 21:47:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know it isn't the point of a joke, but the term "near miss" makes sense.
It is sometimes claimed that concept of a near miss would be better expressed as near hit. However, near is used in the phrase with the sense "close" (compare "near future", "near neighbour") rather than the sense "approximate" (compare "near certainty", "near standstill").
He wasn't purposefully obtuse, a lot of his diatribes revolved around highlighting the redundancy and pretention in common english phrases, he was concerned with accuracy and efficiency in communication, if you're calling him obtuse for being wryly punctilious you might as well be calling him petty, which is what he is, but because he was nevertheless right he managed to turn "petty" into a laudable quality.
There's a big difference between a near miss (i.e. they were near and missed) and nearly missing (i.e. almost missed). Also I no longer know if miss is a word.
Olly0206 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 20:58:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe they meant "narrowly" missed.
Siphyre ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:10:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't help that in racing games they call it a "near miss"
There's a very subtle difference between "a near miss" and "nearly missed".
Olly0206 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:56:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that probably adds to confusion to. But "near miss" and "nearly miss(ed)" aren't the same thing. When I hear people say "nearly missed" I figure they probably meant "narrowly." They sound similar enough in conversation it can be easy to misunderstand. Especially in the south where people slur words together a lot. I always figure its kind of like how people say "all timers" or "old timers" when they mean "Alzheimer's." I mean, I guess in context, "old timers" makes sense. When I was a kid I used to think that's what it was too.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still wouldn't it be a near hit?
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A near miss is something that missed near the object that was almost hit. A nearly miss is something that almost missed, meaning it did hit but was close to being a miss. Narrowly missed is the same as a near miss, the object missed hitting something but by a narrow margin.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what is a near hit?
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know that I've ever heard "near hit" in any context before but it'd be the same as a nearly miss. The object just barely hit the target. As in, any slight adjustment would have made it miss but it was just close enough to hit.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except for in dictionaries/wikipedia near miss means the same as near hit.
so near miss = nearly miss = just about miss = almost miss
If you almost missed something than you hit it.
If you just about missed something than you hit it
If you nearly missed something than you hit it.
If it is a near miss it should mean that you hit it.
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never heard near miss and nearly miss used interchangeably. The context of which I've ever heard it used or seen, as someone else mentioned as used in video games, a near miss is missing by a near amount. Nearly missing is as we've agreed upon above.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But a synonym for near is nearly. So it is really just a product of culture. In fact I bet it will have something to do with how negative "near hit" would've sounded in safety/court cases.
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not exactly a synonym, I forget the word that describes what the relationship is between near and nearly but while they are similar in meaning they also have some differences in meaning. Such as near meaning in proximity, in physical closeness or numerically close, etc... where as nearly (while being similar in nature) is more of a general term such as "almost."
So nearly hitting something means "almost hit" where as a near hit is "close to hitting" but the implication is that it did not hit.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a near hit is "close to hitting"
So wouldn't near miss be "close to missing"
Making a near miss not actually missing but being close too.
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I may have said that in a way that was misunderstood. Looking back on it now I can see how that it can be confusing. The way my brain was saying it at the time made perfect sense but now I can't make sense of it, haha.
As I've mentioned earlier, I've never heard of a "near hit" before so I'm only taking a stab at it based on assumed context but honestly I can't even think of any context where it would be used rather than saying near miss or nearly missed. It very well could be that it's not one of those situations where there is a positive and negative situations for each scenario so that each version has a mirrored context using different verbiage. As in, near miss, near hit, nearly missed, nearly hit.
English is freakin' weird man...
As far as I've ever heard in context:
Nearly miss = hit (almost missed, implying a hit)
Near miss = miss (missing by a small margin)
Nearly hit = miss (almost hit, implying a miss)
Near hit = I don't really know. Never heard it before. Near hit could be a miss (as in close to hitting) or could be a hit (as in hitting by a small margin).
As someone (maybe you? I've lost track) previously pointed out, the dictionary definition doesn't necessarily reflect these meanings but these are the contexts in which I've heard these phrases used. Someone else also pointed out how these fit the same understanding I have of them within context of the situation. So I know I'm not the only one who's understood these definitions of the phrases.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OSHA can't even agree on the terminology. Pretty sure it is confusing.
I was training a girl ones as a server who just would not listen to me. At the time the bar was more of a dive bar than a corner bar and I tried to warn her about certain things. The simplest was put your drink down when you pour so you don't accidentally drop a glass hit somebody in the face with a glass or poor wrong. That made her throw Tantrums. But she learned her lesson when I warned her about a very scary guy who if you didn't know him you shouldn't talk to him and you definitely shouldn't throw your stripper act at him in front of his girlfriend. Lo and behold she got smart with him he reached across the bar and choked her a little bit she came back over all busted up but I found it hard to find sympathy after I warned her repeatedly not to do that he does a lot of Coke. Her beautiful but short tenure ended when she came in after a night of drinking with my boss and I and told us 10 minutes before she was supposed to start her shift that she wouldn't be able to and was laughing the whole time while she told us she was still high on ecstasy. I told my boss that was the last day for one of us and she could choose who.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:37:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She turned 5 shades of red then disappeared.
The varying five shades of red being a signal she was preparing to teleport.
CGY-SS ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:07:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was just the way to do it? I'm a cashier and I've never had trouble with that at all. Don't try to snap it clean in half, just give it a firm smack so it cracks open and split it from there
We were having some beers on a Friday afternoon at work and no one could find a bottle opener. A couple of coworkers were trying to open a bottle with a spoon and I came over, grabbed it and said "I got this". I tried doing the trick where you use the edge of a table to pop the cap, but it just slipped out of my hands and smashed on the floor.
BobHogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah man I used to tear them open at my job too, but it took too long (for me, not the customer. I would just get tired off struggling with it). The trick to breaking it open is to just slam it hard enough to tear the paper, without ripping it open. Then you are free to twist it yourself and control where they go
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To her credit. She did do it faster.
V9868 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not really that hard? Believe I learned to smack Pennies at 10ish when I worked cashier at a gas station
No I didn't get paid no I'm not working there anymore
I wonder how many hours I clocked in working there for roughly 3-5 years they weren't shifts either it was 6-8am to 12-1am. Stock, fill cooler, mop, checks, etc.
Can say I'm pursing business learning entrepreneurship n taking marketing next year I'm a sophomore in HS.
Nah see thats the problem. Smacking it on the drawer has a much slower success rate then hitting it on the counter. The drawer shakes and the impact gets messed up. The counter doesn't move.
Boojaman ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 19:58:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg you guys you hit it on the rim between the pennies and nickels so when it breaks open the pennies go right in their spot.....break it right in the middle just like an egg I thought this was pretty obvious
This is the way to do it. Who smacks coin rolls on the edge of their register? Grab a new roll, smack smack directly over/in between the chamber you want your coins to go into, coin roll busts, tilt hand left or right depending on which coins you opened, and it's done.
Boojaman ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:10:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always get both thumbnails under the little edge thing and peel it open. Only works with those loomis rolls though, those brown crappy ones, I do the egg crack.
That's a great way, too! I worked at a bank for a few months after I graduated college, and with no bins like cash registers I had to learn to get in there with the nails.
Cazberry ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:21:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in retail and never learned this, and your explanation just confused me. What is this magic?
Sorry there, let me clarify and make the steps easier to read. Now, this only works on the paper rolls! I know some stores use plastic ones now. For those you just need to squeeze them in a certain direction until the coins slide out. For the paper ones, here's what you wanna do:
Open your drawer, and grab the roll in whatever hand will be easiest for you to strike at a downwards angle at. Usually this is your dominant hand but some cash registers have weird setups.
Your cash drawer will have little cups or bins to hold the change in at the front of the drawer. There are usually 5 slots, one for each type of coin and another for whatever you want (usually $.50 and $1.00 coins).
The division between the bins is the part of the drawer we are aiming for. I usually grab the drawer with my free hand to prevent it from sliding back in on impact.
Now, obviously we are not trying to bust the drawer downward. It is still a fragile-ish machine and can break if you use real force. Just strike the roll of coins firmly onto the "thick" (thicker than the bins at least) section of plastic between the bins. The first strike usually does nothing, just use it to gauge how hard to swing it the second time.
Now SLAM IT HOME (with appropriate force). The first strike is a test, second strike splits the paper, and the third one WILL bust it open, I guarantee you.
If you did it right, the coins will not fly everywhere. The roll will fold where the paper busted, and you then tilt your hand to whichever side the coins need to go to. For instance, if I needed to open a roll of dimes, I would choose to break it open either on the section between the nickels and dimes OR the section between the dimes and quarters. Then, depending on which section I broke the dimes over, I would tilt my hand towards the bin for dimes. Half of the coins will fall out, the other half just lightly tap in the bin a few times or push out with your finger.
It seems like the best explaination of technique doesn't matter if you're just clumsy in general. I could probably do this, but 1 in 3 times would find some way to fuck it up.
Worked as a cashier for 7 years at Kroger, never did it any other way, never broke a drawer. If you break it doing it like this, you're using way too much force. It's extremely easy to gauge whether or not you will damage your drawer.
lagasan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It seems to be the way most people do it. I have had two different employees break a till though. Too much gusto, I guess.
I figured that out my first day of retail. All you do is stretch your index finger vertically across the roll, crack it on the thin plastic(?) rim that separates the bills and coins, and spill em into the proper spot
tony_lo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:31:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I worked in the bank I used the counter, it was easier that way because we had coin trays and not just buckets. Use the counter to split the roll in half and push on the closed end, coins come out nice and neat and ready to buy put in the tray
No, you hold the roll vertically in your hand (one end at the base of your palm and the other end with the tip of your middle finger) and just smack it once into the corner of the counter, if any change spills out (which it won't), it just goes right into the palm of your hand.
If I do this the slot dividers move out of place and are impossible to click back in. Bonus, I also get to sort change after because the pennies and nickles are now mixed!
Boojaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well you can control where the pennies and up crack it in half and pour them in the correct spot
Not only that but our cashiers have broken our register drawers smacking rolls of coins on them so we've told them do it on the counter instead. Plus cleanup is easier if something goes wrong.
Smacking it on the separators works great, but it break them over time.
dragn99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it breaks open on the drawer, your change will at least still be in there. You might just have to move some coins around next time there's a lull in the customers. If it breaks open on the counter, you have to scramble to try and find all the coins.
Maybe I just have giant hands but every time I break a roll of coins on the counter none go flying. A couple will be loose in my hand and the rest will still be neatly in either half of the roll.
True, but the point is to hit it just hard enough to break the edge, at which point you can tear it open the rest of the way. It's better to hit it not hard enough than too hard.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have probably broken open 100 rolls of change and never had any fly anywhere. Are you guys going full Hulk on the change? Just have to give it a light tap on one of the thin dividers INSIDE the change drawer and it'll split open softly.
mrofmist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just use your coworker. They will move at first but eventually once they're on the ground the movement will stop.
HunterTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always positioned the roll so that one end was at the ends of my fingers and the over braced against the base of my palm, so if I overdid it with force the roll bent into my palm, thus stopping the inevitable spray of coins. Then I just cracked it against the counter in the middle and finished splitting it open over the tray. It's been awhile since I've worked in retail but the coins wrapped in plastic by the bank we're usually the easiest to deal with this way because the plastic didn't split like crazy the way a paper wrapped roll can, but it's not the hardest thing to get the hang of imho. Dealing with the fucking customers was far more patience-straining.
ishook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just smack the roll on the edge of the stage, but the dancers hate that.
Lmao! I just started working retail a few months ago and the first time I came on a roll of pennies I thought I was gonna be able to break it open like I've seen cashiers do. I banged it on the side of the drawer, then tried to do a karate kinda thing with my hand. Nothing. Eventually my embarrassment got the better of me and I peeled the paper back like a regular person .
Weeeeehehelll, excuse me for getting horny at the cash register! The dad was hot! What else do you expect me to do? Cum on my finger in the bathroom like a regular person?
Dyvius ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:33:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You basically would crack open a roll of coins the same way you'd crack open an egg. Too hard and you've sent the contents everywhere. Too soft and nothing happens. Just right, and with the proper holding technique, and you've gotten what you set out to get.
I was gonna comment this, but you said it perfectly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also if you have your hand over the part that is going to split, the worst is the coins splash into your hand. Worked at McyDs for 7 years and never had an issue doing it that way.
This is pretty easy honestly. Hold with thumb and pinky for stability. Wrap other fingers around. Smack middle off sharp stable edge, close hand around it as it folds. Always do it this way and have dropped maybe 2 coins ever.
The trick to this is to hold the roll by its ends between your thumb and ring finger, with your other fingers curved around for stability. Then you hit the middle of the roll against the edge of something. Also the smaller the denomination the harder it is to do.
EsbenT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:06:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's how I did it when I worked at Rema 1000 a decade ago: Pinch both ends, one with your thumb and one with your forefinger. Make a small tear on the flap out by both ends. Pull the entire flap, tearing as you go, while maintaining a firm grip with yout thumb and forefinger. Suddenly you're clutching a liberated stack of coins, and all you need to do is to gently drop them into the tray.
hewgin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put the roll of coins in your hand with one end towards your wrist and the other on your fingers, then smack the roll on the underside edge of the counter, you have more control that way. Any coins that pop out of the roll just fall into your palm rather than fly all over the place.
LMAO, I used to be a cashier back in the day. Just a gentle crack in the middle is all it takes. If it makes you feel any better, I did the same thing first time i tried that. It gets easier
NutStomp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you hold both ends and smack it against the corner of the counter, it will split in the middle, and then you pull it apart like cracking an egg into a pan - and the coins spill out.
It is possible to open those roll things (I'm assuming the paper ones) that way, but you need to hold it at both ends so it doesn't just go flying everywhere.
Jaycoub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to hold the pennies inside the roll firmly with your index, middle, and ring finger, and hold the ends with your thumb and pinky. Hit it on an edge between your middle and ring finger.
I didn't know this was a thing people had trouble with.
Worked as a cashier once; everyone opens it that way since it's much faster. Tear it open and it takes forever and leaves little paper scraps. Hit it with just the right force and it cracks open and the coins slide out and you can easily toss the wrapper without sifting through carnage. Definitely takes a few tries to get it right though.
Kimi_a ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I smash the pennies on the counter to open them. One day I was in a rush and my finger was between the pennies and the counter, slammed it harder than usual and busted my finger. I still open it that way.
Kambz22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just got to practice when no one's around
By my last year of retail and I was popping rolls in style.
The trick is to do it like you'd crack an egg. And aim so it's right in the middle. I also do it on the little separators that keep the change away from each so if it does explode it just goes in the drawer
I work at mcdonalds parttime. I do it all the time, the trick is for the pennies to be very very stuffed into the roll, so you smash it on the MIDDLE and you end up with just a tiny tear that you can pull off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I personally find it just as fast to rip it in one motion and i dont embarass myself
It's kinda like cracking an egg... only you get to hit it harder and you have to have a tighter grip... I think. I do it all the time, but, it's just kinda instinctive to me. I don't remember ever having actually thought about it. I just do it. And if you do mess it up a few times, at least it's not as gross as cleaning up egg.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the "somebody" is you? You saw yourself do this?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just gotta give it a light tap, and try to go for the middle. It makes it harder for pennies to go flying. Then you can tear it easier.
Also if you're using a coin changer, put the roll in with the paper on, and the seam out. Pull the seam it'll unroll itself, leaving the stack of coins in the changer.
Etherius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've only ever cracked them open... Every now and then I'll make them explode, but better to clean up nickels and pennies once in a blue moon than fuck with the wrappers
Yaslan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just learned how to do that! You crack it like you would an egg! (I am way too happy about this...)
I always held it with my index finger spread away from my middle finger and smacked the counter between those two fingers. The roll breaks open and since you're holding both sides they don't go everywhere.
Djbrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just found another skill to add to my resume I guess. Never would imagine blowing a roll up...
I usually open them that way as it's easiest for me, but I one time exploded $10 of quarters everywhere and had to find them all in dusty grimey corners that never get cleaned
Oh, that's easy. Just cup it in your hand lengthwise ( bottom of your palm to your fingers ), and slam it either on the corner of a counter or on a divider in the till.
You can thank me later.
mahdyie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone calls me weird because I always peel the penny rolls. ... But the pennies get stuck that way!
At that point I would have just sighed and said, "sorry I guess we're out of pennies"
Kintuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to learn this working as a cashier, eventually I learned to do it with one hand in the same way one would crack and split open an egg.
Ppleater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The secret is to hit it hard enough to split it and then squeeze it open. Don't just wail on it. It's like cracking an egg, except the opening is on the opposite side from the table. You can start with lighter taps and work your way up as practice.
ZephyrB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't just hold it by one end and smash it as hard as possible. You hold it pretty much in your whole hand leaving a space between middle finger and ring finger. Then you tap it against a corner, starting off soft so it doesn't just scatter all over the place, and you build up force until a crack in the paper appears, then you just crack it open carefully.
After a while you get the hang of it and you know how much force you can apply. It saves a lot of time when you've got a giant queue during rush hour and run out of whatever coins you desperately need.
Also, practice this when you don't have that pressure :p
Hold the roll of coins like and egg, so that the back is braced, then smash it against a hard, stable corner quickly and the back will break open into your hand.
I've got it down to only taking one smack against the drawer. I've never had it fly everywhere and it impresses people because most people have to smack it like 3-10 times (but I probably just jinxed it, thanks Reddit). It also pains me to see people struggle open any plastic bag. When I explain it's as simple as rubbing your two fingers together, they look dumbfounded. Or they'll open it from the closed end. Like what the fuck? Are that many people illiterate or do a ton of people just want me to do it for them? It's the small menial things that make me lose faith in humanity. It's not open-heart surgery, it's a plastic bag.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not supposed to smack it to open it.
Hit the roll right in the center. The mass of the coins up top will tear the paper slightly, allowing you to twist everything out.
I tried showing of to a friend by blowing an egg out of a shell but the egg was still to liquid inside and I blew the entire load on my ladyfriend. She was impressed.
The trick is to sort of palm the roll so or can't spray. The center of the roll should be in the center of your palm. Then you're just high fiving the corner of the counter. The roll should break in half and the coins pour out
malbane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta kind of hold it in two halves already, pointer and middle finger, pinky and ring finger, with a split in the middle. Hit the opposite end of that gap on the counter. It was pretty handy working cash.
Don't hulk smash it on the drawer, be gentle and lovingly smack it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you smack it you have to turn it upside down because the tear forms on the top. Took me a little while to get the hang of it but I got it. Also donโt smack it super hard just hard enough to tear it
Pennies are easy. Nowadays they're usually wrapped more like meat from the butchers than with those tight coils. The key to breaking tight coils is to hold the roll in your palm and hit just hard enough to rip the paper in the middle. Retail/cash office pro here for you. Ask me anything.
Treat it like an egg. Hitting too soft isnโt a big deal but hitting too hard just causes problems. Hit with an escalating amount of force until it breaks, pretty soon youโll learn how much it takes to break it
I've done that before, its how I normally break a roll, but sometimes I do it wrong and have to pick a bunch of pennies up while customers laugh at me.
As someone mentioned, you wanna smack it on the counter (which is hopefully over the cash drawer). Cup your hand right over the roll positioned vertically. The cup shape will keep them from flying everywhere if you lose control. Worst case scenario, the coins end up in the wrong coin dish.
Ghede ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The key with opening it on the counter is you are only tapping it to tear the wrapper, not open it completely. Think cracking an egg. Tap tap, paper cracked, time to open. You can then pour your roll of pennies into the pan at medium/low heat. If your pan isn't non-stick, you will want to grease it first, pennies are notorious for sticking to the pan and burning.
Hahaha I did this when I worked at McD's! It worked the first few times but one fateful day I stood there like an idiot bashing a roll of coin on the till drawer before a manager kindly told me that we break the rolls on the counter.
Jikiru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf is a roll of pennies? Do you people like wrap your coins in glad wrap or something?
They come from the bank in rolls of a predetermined amount. So a roll of pennies should always be 50ยข. In the US, they're usually paper rolls, but sometimes plastic is used.
Omg every cashier has to have done that at some point right? I know I totally did. Pennies everywhere... well that was not how that was supposed to go.
Aw it's not that difficult! You jusr have to hit it just right. I give it a firm tap on the counter in one spot just enough to crack the paper on the roll.
mjw09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As teller of 10 plus years my mom can hold a roll of coins and tell if it is safe or not. She can also count and add change by the sound it makes as it hits the floor. I have tested her with these many times.
Oh you want some change? Here's your FUCKING CHANGE SMACK (pennies fly all over the floor). sigh....
b-cola ยท 13124 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was doing a job interview in high school. The interview was going well and The lady asked me โhow important is hygiene to you?โ. During this moment I forgot what hygiene meant and shouldโve asked. Instead I tried to act relaxed and said โIโm coolโ โdoesnโt bother meโ.
I didnโt get the job.
EDIT the job was for a CD store in a small town I grew up in. When my dad picked me up from the mall I asked him what it meant again and told him the story, he laughed and told me, โyouโre not getting the jobโ before reminding me of the meaning. I was freshly showered. Just an awkward teenager.
We'd at least have someone who asks for clarification on things he doesn't know, rather than blindly asserting his opinion without knowing ANYTHING. (And never asks questions because he doesn't ACTUALLY want to understand things better)
Yeah that lady with all the experience who understands the complexities of the American government and international politics would've been just as stupid as the others.
In what way is HRC more like Palpatine than Trump? If you're really worried about someone becoming Emperor Palpatine, it seems like in the current situation we have someone instigating conflict to move from democracy to dictatorship. I don't think your metaphor is very sound here.
I was 100% making a joke which you seemed to miss the point of. It was to say that experience doesn't mean someone is a good leader. It had nothing to do with Trump vs Hillary or comparing them in any way. I hate them both.
But don't waste your time trying to argue with me. I have no sway over any presidential candidates or election and I don't hold any political sway. I will not have any effect on anything political in the future so it would be a severe waste of your time trying to argue with me as even if you convince it will have no impact on the future of our country.
Oh yeah I forgot about those horrible horrible emails and the child fucking pizza shop. Why wasn't she just out there grabbing some pussy and absolutely unable to describe one of her policies the whole duration of the campaign? They were just as bad as one another.
> understands the complexities of the American government and international politics
> tells people she's going to put a lot of coal miners out of business
lol. As moronic as Trump is, Clinton lost herself the election, make no mistake. Even with foreign interference, she should've won by a landslide, but she and her friends were too arrogant and did things like hire DWS, and thought there would be no consequences.
Ah yes. She didn't straight up lie to coal workers' faces. What a despicable person. The DWS I completely agree with. I'm certainly not saying she didn't make mistakes campaigning. I just think it's funny when people say they were both bad candidates. It's not a shit sandwich and a giant turd. It's a wheat grass-carrot-beet smoothie versus a bag of hot diarrhea.
Sorry for the gross out. But that's about where I stand with what's happening.
Honestly, I think Trump was seen as so bad and so ridiculous that she got sloppy and overconfident.
Shit. After the pussy grabbing bomb, even my Republican supporting, Fox watching, Hillary hating family and friends thought that was the nail in the coffin.
Aside from all the Russian fuckery, the main thing that happened was that she, her campaign, and damn near everyone who voted for her (or didn't) wasn't so much that they underestimated Trump, it was this: They overestimated the average American.
And I'm constantly, everyday, shocked at how many people I see still walking around in those red hats or even still supporting him. As I'm sure she and many others are too.
This is a sad and dangerous time in our democracy.
That sounds like the response of a guy who rubs magazine fragrance samples under his arms as his only nod to hygiene, right before getting in your car for a road trip
duluoz1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:00:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's oddly specific, but probably accurate.
lowhopes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:33:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if this is how "couldn't care less" turned into "could care less", except the first person to make the typo was too awkward to admit it and doubled down instead and spent the rest of their life telling people that.
We had SERIOUS problem with employees coming in smelling awful when I worked retail. I'm talking about a foul, gut wrenching, stench you could smell from 15 feet away. I promise you I'm not exaggerating.
Now you might think "oh man, maybe that person is homeless and they have no way to clean themselves." Nope.
I knew one of these people outside of work. Outside of work he was fine. We determined that the problem was he NEVER washed his uniform. That is, he had one pair of pants and one shirt and literally refused to wash them for over a year.
jim_br ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:05:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh....I wished I asked that question of a new hire years ago. Fired him after a week because HR said I could do it for no reason.
He absolutely reeked like fermented sauerkraut topped with Arizona roadkill.
i dunno. not really. if it's a job for a high school kid, it was probably in food service or something where it's important that you are relatively clean.
then again, based on most of the fast food workers I've seen when I'm in those establishments, the employers don't tend to care too much...
b-cola ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:14:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a CD store, back when cdโs could sustain an entire store!
I've had a strange one too. At a pizza place the owner asked me to name 5 things you can do with a pencil other than writing and erasing. Other than using it as a drumstick the owner gave me 2 things
1) putting them in a cup (not really anything you can do)
Thanks for asking! I'm the director of Metamorphestra, an orchestra that does covers of popular music. You can subscribe to /r/metamorphestra for updates as we post new music.
Not really. If youโre working closely with other people itโs important to have good hygiene, and some teenagers arenโt very good at it still at that point.
I'm guessing it was meant in the context of cooking or food or something, but it would've been much less weird to say "how important is cleanliness to you" or something like that
Maybe it was like that Step Brother's scene where Seth Rogen just wants to hire a worker who is fun to hang out with and hygiene is important. And then OP goes and does the equivalent of farting.
Having conducted job interviews for a fast food chain... no it isn't.
Source: was store manager of a Dairy Queen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in a record store for a bit and while I don't remember being asked that in the interview, it was in the handbook that everyone had to come to work showered and wearing deodorant. I guess music stores are notorious for smelly employees or something?
Probably important if you're doing sales though...
Fiocoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes and no.
I work in a restaurant and my boss tells everyone that hygiene is part of the uniform. I imagine it would be the same for any retail or service related job.
I used to work in a tech support call center, and it is a totally valid question. The managers and supervisors had to have more than one conversation with employees about the importance of showers, clean clothing, and regular use of deodorant.
After our team got that talk from a supervisor once, a guy said, "Well, but what if it's laundry day, and you only have one clean shirt, and you lay it out on the bed before you get in the shower, and while you're in the shower, your roommate's cat pees on it? You don't have any other clean shirts and you can't miss work, you can't even be late because you're on your final warning and you'll get fired if you're late again?"
Dude, that was....specific. That's not a hypothetical situation. That's something you have used, probably multiple times, as an excuse as to why you stink like a litter box.
ZIMM26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like she/he was being Weinsteined
kreepin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, I was pestered by a lady handing out some sort of religious flyers outside my work. I wanted to tell her "No thanks, I'm agnostic" I told her "No thanks, I'm autistic"
i only know him from when i was a kid and i played the shit outta tony hawk pro skater. IMO the best video game soundtracks ever
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if it's the best in terms of quality, but I have extreme nostalgia for any song that was in the MX vs ATV Unleashed soundtrack. That and Madden '05
Currently work there. I asked the manager, and you ACTUALLY need to always have a clean uniform when you start your shift. Damn, I wish they asked me about hygiene before hiring me because doing the laundry so often KILLS MEEE.
"I don't really partake personally. But since the presence of cannabinoid receptors is encoded in our DNA, and it's just a plant that doesn't cause too many negative effects, I guess I'm okay with it."
_dock_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:43:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One morning I forgot what breakfast meant, and I felt my then wife was very unfair when she got mad at me when I said I didn't know how to make breakfast. The situation didn't really improve when she gave examples of what breakfast is, and I sheepily responded - โOh, toast and tea, I know how to do that!"
To her credit, she unexplicably managed to entertain me and my idiosyncrasies for more than a decade after that!
You are not alone :)
memicoot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm crying right now, that's amazing!
callummr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A 'hygiene', oh interesting. Never heard of a hygiene, looks pretty good.
Lets be honest here. When companies are hiring teenagers, they always seem to hire the least qualified teenagers. I'm not sure why it was so hard for me to get a job for years but whenever I get fast food they always fuck it up in some ridiculous way, like if I order something with extra cheese I get no cheese.
I laughed so hard I have abs now. Thank you for this.
b-cola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:40 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre welcome!
cryolems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A&W! Was it the drive up or stand-alone?
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mall foodcourt
bluesox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I have all their albums."
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha this made me laugh.
602Zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a red flag question in an interview, your pits must been stinkin.
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear they werenโt. I do know a handful of the kids who did work there and they were mainly punk rockers. Iโm not sure I fit in as I was really into Parliament Funkadelic and other groovy stuff at the time. My guess is the punk rockers stunk.
When I was younger, I had an interview with Wal-Mart. I accidentally told them it was okay to come to work while drunk/high, just as long as you're not too drunk/high. Yeah, I didn't get that job.
mushperv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not related to the original prompt, but as an adult I was asked in an interview how interested I was in the job and I said 70%. Let's just say honesty is one of my strengths. I didn't get the job.
To be fair, unless you absolutely reeked, I would probably think you inferred from my question that there were people working there who weren't all that hygienic or that the clientele tended to not be.
Something similar happened to me when I was in 1st grade . Didnโt know English just a couple words just transferred from a public school speaking only Spanish . A girl asked me if I brush my teeth ? I sorta understood her but I answered no . For the next 5 years I was known as yellow teeth because I didnโt understand her .
eqleriq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of my first job interview, which was at McDonalds. It was in french because I live in quebec, but im pretty much anglophone and have terrible french speaking skills. I think I was killing the interview but then she asked "What are your weaknesses" (in french) and i drew a blank and had no clue how to answer in french so I just said "I dont know" (in french) and she just stared at me blankly for a couple seconds.
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, what high schooler doesn't know what hygiene means.
I was in the military and was at drill with a new unit. We had to stay overnight so one of the Soldiers' families that owned a restaurant catered dinner. The meat was gray and looked absolutely disgusting, so I declined when it was offered to me. The person dishing it out joked around and asked why I didn't want any, so I said the first thing that came to mind: "I'm vegetarian." That's not really common in the military so the entire meal was spent with people poking fun at me and I went along with it all being the new one in the group... besides how do you tell people you lied about that? Shortly after, we deployed and I spent 10 months eating every meal with people who thought I was vegetarian so I spent the entire deployment living off of grilled cheese, salad and rice when all I wanted was a big ass burger. 6 years later... I'm still vegetarian. If I could have seen that coming I assure you my last meal with meat would definitely not have been McDonalds chicken nuggets.
TLDR: Lied about being vegetarian instead of just politely declining nasty looking meat like a normal person. Ended up actually having to be vegetarian.
I actually remember what I said... โwe didnโt grow up eating much meat so I just decided to stop completely a few years agoโ so I didnโt even give myself an out like โitโs a new thing Iโm tryingโ
Kaento ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:12:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I really did want some meat overseas especially when we went to the local places and everyone was getting big ass turkey legs.. but when I got home and could have actually eaten a steak without anyone knowing it just wasnโt appealing to me anymore. I actually feel healthier and Iโm a cheap date ;)
aoiN3KO ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:43:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About to get out and yep...still vegetarian. After a year without meat I didnโt find it appealing anymore so I just stuck with the veggie diet. #noragrets
I was shopping in Best Buy as a teenager, and had on a nice leather jacket because I thought I was cool. Looking around one aisle I have the urge to sneeze so I let it out. I ended up sneezing a rather large blob of snot onto the lapel of the leather jacket. I noticed this quickly as I made eye contact with a worker and a lady coming down the aisle. Without thinking I almost instantly licked it off of my jacket and kept on walking. The worker and the woman just looked at me in shock and were pretty much petrified. I kept on walking.
To this day I have no idea why I did that without hesitation. It still haunts me, and I never told a soul. โCept for you Reddit, cuz I โpreeshiate ya.
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 13:56:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, i maintained composure until i got here, now im laughing my ass off.
I got into the habit of sneezing into my shirt. One time I shot a huge blob inside my shirt, I looked up and saw some people I kinda knew looking at me. I didn't know what to do. So I maintained eye contact, kept a poker face, and slowly pushed the shirt into my chest. I'm 100% sure that they knew exactly what happened because they looked horrified!
Freshman year in college, I had been to Michigan to visit family and bought some pepper jack cheese from a farmers market. Back at school, I was sharing it with my roommate, having crackers cheese and pepperoni while playing video games. We had our door open, and our 10/10 female RA came by and asked what we were up to. Rather than say playing video games or just chillin or something normal I look her dead in the eye and in an uncharacteristically peppy voice go โeatin cheese!โ She just goes โoh, ok..โ and walks away. My roommate was dying laughing. My friends still remind me of it to this day.
The first time I took a bus in a new city, I pulled the stop request cord at the wrong stop. Instead of just being a normal person and telling the driver that I didn't mean to do that, I got off the bus and walked for an hour in the rain.
topaz_b ยท 4501 points ยท Posted at 18:35:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done that. Picked the wrong stop and had to walk about 3/4 of a mile to my aunts, while in school uniform, in the scorching sun, and because i was a defiant teenager there was no way i was taking off my security blanket of a jacket.
Edit - I realize 3/4 of a mile isn't much but I got off knowing it wasn't my stop and decided to wear my jacket in May in Bermuda on a hot as hell day. It somehow made me feel less awkward...
famalamo ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 20:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TOO DEFIANT TO REMOVE THE JACKET UNDER HEAT? THIS LASS NEEDS TO BE PUT IN A STRAITJACKET!
I was just thinking program it to look for rhyming synonyms within a certain syllable count in comments
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:02:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahaha yeah man that's Sprog, he/she is kind of famous around here. There is a bot that counts syllables and tries to turn them into haikus, but it only works well about half the time.
Oh believe me I know Sprong - I just had the thought that this would be a fun idea
And ooh a glitchy haiku bot?!? Look how far humanity has come
Ulti ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:11:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I cannot remember its name at the moment... but you see it fairly often if you poke around long enough. Also I couldn't help but laugh at that original "oh shit" post there, I was sitting here thinking "wait how has this guy never seen... ohhh yes this is gold!", haha!
Yeah. One of them works right every time, the other organized by words instead of syllables. Iโm not really sure why the second one exists except to make people think the original is broken.
Ulti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you're not bullshitting me (because this is the internet and I'm too lazy to check myself!), that's goddamn hilarious, and it works well.
rnykal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tru
rnykal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That bot's not that bad;
Almost every single one
On its front page works.
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:01:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like it's possible, but syllable analyzing alone is well outside the scope of your average Reddit programmer. Add in having to stitch together the words in a way that not only makes sense but rhymes and you've got an IBM level project.
I have a friend who goes to Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology... they have nothing better to do, Iโm sure, so Iโll call them. If they donโt know how to do it I guarantee you somebody there does. I mean, theyโre the only high school with their own fucking satellite
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:06:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck but at the minimum they would need an already existing database with word homophones because it's incredibly hard to predict homophones in the English language and you'd basically just have to manually create a massive database.
Would an online rhyming dictionary cross-referenced with thesaurus.com not work?
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Theoretically but it would be a massive undertaking cross referencing the data and making a reasonable sounding poem. The real problem would come with structuring your sentences. Most computer generated sentences are a product of machine learning from existing patterns in speech. Poems would be much harder as the sample size of properly fitting speech is much more limited and connecting the words together without a precedent on how those words should interact with each other would be a hard hurdle to overcome.
What if somebody just made a rhyming bot? Instead of fitting it to a meter, it just changes the last word(s) of sentences in comments to make them rhyme? Would that be easier?
Edit: forgot a sentence
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that could work. It would still need the databases mentioned earlier, and you would have to decide on the line spacings and stanza's yourself, but end of line rhyming and even more complex rhyming patterns seem pretty reasonable to do.
At least you had the option. We had to have our school uniform perfect even when walking to and from school, otherwise we would get a weeks worth of detentions (lunch and after school).
So no "excessive" (whatever that means depended on the teachers moods) warm winter clothing, and no removal of anything in summer (including navy blazers and our stupid ties).
It was 3.8 miles to my mums house, which wasn't so bad when I lived there, but to my nans it was 5.5 miles. Wind, rain, fog, snow, hail, lightning and thunder, blazing sun, I did it all on foot in their precious uniform.
We also weren't allowed to put a towel over us if we were rained on, so every year from autumn to spring I sat their in wet clothes all day...
This one time when I was eight I was riding the bus home and talking to a girl I liked (I was already girl crazy by then). We had just moved to Ft. Worth and I didn't know the area like, at all, but I didn't want to stop talking to her so I got off at her stop (the driver didn't know me yet, I guess) and walked her home. We talked for a while until her mom called her in, and I started walking home. Only I literally had no idea which way to go. So instead of knocking on the door and asking for help, I just started walking and ended up hours later in a pretty bad neighborhood, and it was starting to get dark. I stopped at a store but the pay phone was broken and I was too scared to ask the clerk for help, so I just stayed there. I think it was like 9:00pm before they found me and my mom was a mental and emotional wreck. It fucked her so bad she didn't beat my ass, which she did for pretty much anything else. I"ll always remember that day.
kkneko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
exactly the same thing happened to me haha I was also on my way to my aunt's and also had a jacket on top of my uniform on a hot day
My first bus ride, I had $20 dollars pre-loaded onto a card. I was going to a new highschool having transferred pretty early in the year. Most of the kids on the bus had the same uniform as me. I didn't realize there was a different slot for the card and I put it in the change slot and it ate my card. Took a $20 bus ride my first day of new highschool.
The first month at college, two days after my long term girlfriend broke up with me, I took a bus at night to target with some friends. We got the last bus back and they got off by our dorms but my bike was a few stops up, so I stayed on.
Anyway, we passed the stop but it was a block up so I was going to wait for the bus to loop around... Until it didn't. Never turned back. Finally the driver turned around and told me it was the last stop of the night and I had to get off. It was about midnight in a city I didn't know and I was about a fifteen minute drive from campus. One of my friends called one of their friends with a car to come pick me up, thankfully.
Oops.
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:57:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely have done that as well... -_-
BradC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can picture myself doing this too. Why do we do that?
mogeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First day visiting our office in Long Island - instead of hiring a cab, I decided to take the bus because I took the bus every day in SF, so how hard could it be? Not wanting to look like I didn't know where I was going (I'm a girl from the city, I got this!), I don't ask the driver what stop to get off at. There weren't many stops and before I knew it, I'd missed the stop I needed. No big deal - I'll get off on the next one. Yea, it was about a mile away on a busy one-way road next to the highway with no sidewalk in sight. So I had to walk in the dirt, in heels, and arrived sweaty and late. Never took that bus again.
I even do this driving around town, if its too crowded and its too much of a bother to change lanes / people being a jerk while driving, I will literally just take new routes, get lost, and drive around, just because I didn't want to be rude and butt in the lane.
edit: Thanks for the love guys, nice to know I am not the only one :)
gillgreen ยท 3741 points ยท Posted at 19:29:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've deliberately missed my bus stop a few times just because I was in the window seat and didn't want to ask the person next to me to let me out...
Ah yeah that thinking helps me out too in various situations, starting as a cashier at my job I felt I was being stared at and judged by the customers. Thinking as a shopper though it would be highly unlikely for me to do such a thing.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:32:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I judge the cashiers really hard. I make mental notes on their weekly performance and if they did anything stupid.
If it helps, I've had people in the aisle seat be relieved I've asked them to tuck up, because they've worried I'll stay sat there and miss my stop otherwise.
Hrynkat ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:17:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been dealing with anxiety for my life and have been slowly improving with situations like this, so now I try to be aware of people around me and if say the person I'm sitting by starts to get antsy or look around I'll deliberately try making eye contact to be like "when is your stop", since I know this feeling all to well, and hope to be a comfort to others dreadful anxiety haha
saw-hill ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:25:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always take the aisle seats on long flights because I don't want to ask people to get up for me if I need to use the bathroom. But I always tell the window/middle people "If you want to get into the aisle, just let me know".
I got anxiety on the bus and had to get out five miles early and walk. I left my cousin who has really bad lupus on the bus alone on her way to see her caseworker. I was only going to help her, but all of these wheelchair people kept getting on and it was so crowded. Felt like I was suffocating.
Here's a good tip, I just carry a bag so when I come close to my stop you just pick it up and start messing with zippers and the person next to you will naturally move to let you get out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't ask, you just pull the cord obviously and stand up. They should notice at least one of those.
Jonnofan ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 22:27:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually have my backpack on my feet when I'm on the bus so bringing it up onto my lap is usually enough to cue the person in the aisle seat I'm about to get off thebus .
I deliberately ignore these kinds of hints. Partly because you should be able to say you want to get off the bus and partly because it is annoying if I'm at the window seat and people assume my actions are hints. Like putting a book away. Sometimes I just want to put the book away and not read anymore. It doesn't mean I want to get off the bus.
Edit: I also don't want to pay attention to the person's actions because nobody wants to be watched and I want to focus on my stuff.
Edit2: Such downvotes. Wow. Obviously I let people off if they show intention of wanting to get out, but hints I will not try to interpret.
Leaxe ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:02:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have to pay attention to a person's actions, but if you happen to notice clear intention of getting off the bus, why not oblige? Sounds pretty petty.
Eh, obviously I will get out of the way even if they fail say nothing if it is clear enough. An actual intention instead of hints like picking up a bag.
petriol ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:57:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When we finally meet I'm gonna breathe into your ear until you let me out.
We both know how that would actually go: You consider doing it, then worry if he'd find the smell offensive, then lick your wrist and sniff it to see if your breath is rank, then realize that you just licked yourself like a dog in full view of everyone and quietly shove your face into the window and hope he gets off at the next stop while red-facedly contemplating suicide.
petriol ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:05:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But sir, my atrocious breath is the heart of my plan.
Clarityy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:10:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously I let people off if they show intention of wanting to get out
You just said you deliberately ignore these hints. The implication being that you see the hint and then ignore it.
You can't deliberately ignore a hint you don't see, that's just missing a hint.
So you're getting downvoted because the way your post reads is that you're a massive asshole who notices that someone wants to get off the bus but you wait for them to ask you anyway. Just wanted to let you know since no one else explained and you didn't seem to get it.
It's curious how downvotes do not explain anything. Thank you for commenting constructively!
There's a difference between a hint (you put your gloves on) and clear intention (you turn to me) and there's a spectrum where everything lies and then there's me actually asking them if they want to get out and then there's people focusing on what I didn't write and there's shitty mobility keyboards which discourage writing and then there's writing exact rules for a system which doesn't have any.
You press the button/pull the cord, and then just put your hands on your lap or on your bag. That's it. That's the leaving protocol for buses.
vl99 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:21:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're asking the person next to you to get up, you're doing it wrong. What you need to do if you're a socially anxious bus rider who needs to disembark is as follows:
1) When you're 2-3 stops away from your stop, start shuffling around. If you have a bag, move it around noticeably on your lap as if you're fluffing a pillow. If you've got pockets, check them like you're making sure your wallet is still where you remembered it. If you've got neither, just shift your body in a minuscule way from side to side. This primes the person next to you to know they'll have to be moving soon. About 50% of the time if there is an open seat anywhere else on the bus, they'll get up and move to it at this point.
2) When you're 1-2 stops away from your stop, repeat the same motions as earlier while looking out the window. Now the person next to you should be almost completely primed.
3) As the bus finally takes off from the penultimate stop, use whatever arm is closest to your seat partner to pull the string. Brushing your shoulder against theirs to go for the bell let's them know it's the person next to them ringing the bell. At this point they might get up without needing to do anything further.
4) Finally, if they're not already up, and you've reached your stop, repeat the motions from steps 1 & 2 while slowly, methodically rising from your seat, making sure to lightly brush against your seat partner at as many points as possible on your way up.
At this point if they're not up yet, you'll have to say "excuse me," but these steps utilized in full combination have never failed me in my 10 years of using public transit as my main method of transportation except in the extremely rare case that your seat partner has fallen to sleep.
This is way overcomplicated. All you need to do is look around, grab your bags, and scoot yourself half way up your seat, keeping your posturing alert. It's super simple stuff.
For this reason I just stand, even if there's plenty of seats.
Darsyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahah oh man, you should come to china. Then if you don't have the courage to ask people to move or just push people out of the way you will never be able to get off a bus or the metro again haha :D
Elm691 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me on an airplane. My husband finally started buying business or first class tickets on long flights, because he was convinced I would eventually pee my pants. Having to walk down the aisle with people looking at me, then the chance of having to stand outside the bathroom door waiting is terrifying.
It is the worst when you say excuse me to the person next to you and they just stare at you waiting for you to say something while you are waiting for them to let you out.
I have an anxiety disorder and stying in my seat to not have to ask a person to move, would never even enter my mind. I don't like asking them, but I'll still do it, if I have to.
Maybe you live somewhere with way better public transit than me, but the boredome I'd feel waiting for the next bus far outweighs any anxiety.
Yes mate. You're probably gonna get downvoted but you're entirely right. There's a difference between being anxious and just being completely RIDICULOUS and socially incapable.
Miss your bus stop because there's someone sat next to you? You're having a giggle. What if they're on the bus for like a straight hour? And when they finally get off, someone comes and sits next to you? Jesus Christ.
If you can't bring yourself to just say 'Excuse me' to a stranger and the result is that you're unable to leave the bus where you want, potentially going on for miles then you're completely and absolutely ridiculous, beyond reasonable and you ARE social incapable.
At that point, how do you even have the courage to pay the bus driver or tell them where you want to go? How do you have the courage to even go outside? How do you not even start freaking out at the fact that a stranger is sat in close proximity to you?
If stating what needs to be said is being a dick, then I'm a monstrous cock. You want people to surround this person and keep telling them "Don't worry, you lost the battle but anxiety is a war! Better luck next time!". No. Someone needs to tell this guy "Stop being so fucking ridiculous and get the fuck out of your seat. Stop playing games" because this is exactly what it is. Pull your finger out your ass and stop being such a push over.
You can sit there and tell me I don't understand anxiety, that it affects people differently etc. And I understand that, but this is BEYOND acceptable. I know what anxiety is, and I know how bad it can be, but at this point it is beyond anxiety I feel like. It is beyond anything.
"Sorry I'm late, I missed my bus stop because I didn't want to talk to the person sat next to me" - To your boss or girlfriend with dinner reservations?
What if someone has injured themselves and are in desperate need of medical attention and you're too nervous to call 911? Would that be ridiculous?
What if you need to take a piss but someone is sat next to you and you don't want to disturb them to get off the bus? Do you eventually piss yourself?
I seriously can't believe I'm sat here on Reddit trying to argue that missing your bus stop because you're too nervous to disturb the person sat next to you isn't completely irrational and rather pathetic.
This person needs to be able to say to themselves to "just do it" in these moments. It's not acceptable behaviour and they should actively be bettering themselves regarding it by tackling it head on, not avoiding it. Ask someone to move out of their seat 100 times, and you'll stop feeling anxious about it, or at least as much.
602Zoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:21:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The anticipation of knowing your stop is coming is getting greater Bing and greater Bing and greater bing until the dreaded stop finally comes... You watch as the bus drives right past your stop but you dare not pull that cord.
Then comes the argument you have with yourself about why you do such retarded shit on your 3 mile walk home...
I do this while driving too! I also have a fear of turning left out of parking lots onto busy roads, so I usually go right and just drive out of my way even if it takes longer.
Usually it's faster and safer to turn right and find a light to turn at rather than trying to pull out in busy traffic. My sister actually t-boned someone trying to turn left from a parking lot. If it worries you to pull out (inb4 that's what she said) then stick with your gut and do what you feel safest doing.
I do the same. It just stresses me out looking back and forth trying to find a time to go. It might add a minute to my drive but it's just so much easier going right first
It took me way too long to realise you're in a country with right lane driving.
I'm currently learning to drive and had a whole lesson on right turns, which in the UK is harder as you have to cross over the other lane and check both sides before emerging. So for you that would be the left turn which is harder and you have to give way on.
dagbrown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you know what they say: two wrongs donโt make a right, but three rights make a left.
Altair05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:26:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got into an accident because of this. Now on busy roads I'll take a right and find a safe place to U turn.
I do that too, I think it's just considerate motoring.
hemajor ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 21:12:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would rather have people take the next exit and turn around than those jackasses who cut people off because they realized too late they missed the exit.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:06:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:22:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the exact same thing and ended up in another country
Yes! Or the people who will stop on a busy road rather than go to the next exit. By all means, 100 people should wait & possibly be maimed in a rear-end collision so you don't have to circle a block. /s
Shleepie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last week one of those jackasses swerved across two lanes, nearly perpendicular to traffic, to get to the exit. He's lucky he cut off cars that could brake in time to not pinball his ass around the highway. Then he had the nerve to give us the finger for blaring our horns at him -- what planet do these assholes get their sense of entitlement from?! "I'm just gonna do whatever I want and fuck the rest of you for being on the same road as me."
pfun4125 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:16:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too, but different reason. You can't count on people to be alert enough to get the fuck out of the way. And if they don't and you hit them you're at fault.
My girlfriend does this. We were going for a drive while on vacation and she couldn't get in the left lane to U turn. Couldn't get in the left turn lane to U turn at the next light either. That was 6 months ago, still trying to U turn. Send help.
I have a long list of what I call RTRs - right turn routes - all over my medium/large city. Often, I would spend more time waiting for traffic to open up to make a left - especially on arterial roads with no turn lane - so I spent a lot of time looking at maps and know lots of shortcuts and side streets. I havenโt done a peer reviewed study by any means, but Iโm pretty sure that overall it saves me time.
If a lane ends and people have to merge, that's one thing. But if your lane doesn't end and there's not room for you to get over, you have no right to stop in a moving lane to try to force yourself over.
supsip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thought every time. But now that Iโve been drive my for a while I like butt in sometimes
Stoner95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me on the ring roads of a city the other week, added an extra half hour to my travel time but I stuck to my guns and tolerated the drive.
I used to do that, until I realized that being scummy ends with the advantage in 90% of situations. I try to avoid it but I've stopped caring about appearances in these situations.
I could have been told today that we had verifiable proof of the second coming of jesus christ, and learning someone like you actually exists would still have been the most surprising thing to happen to me!
I actually do this a lot. Good to know I'm not the only one!
nspectre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this just to find new routes and not have to sit in too-crowded, jerk-filled traffic. ;)
Plus, it's kind of a survival strategy in Los Angeles. Going to/from work I have in excess of 6 alternate routes based upon the style of traffic. Rush hour? Accident? Full moon? Last Thursday of the month? Different routes.
Own it, bro. I don't think of this as a loss, I think of it as a great opportunity to explore routes I'd have otherwise not taken. I'm not the best with directions so deliberately getting lost is good for me to remember roads better.
I do this and it's my job to drive (pizza driver) and it happens all the time. I now know ever alternate route to anywhere in the town I work in. So if anyone here needs like a getaway driver or something, I'm perfect for the job.
That's not being polite, that's being a safe driver. Forcing yourself into a slot in heavy traffic removes the buffer zone between cars, and if something were to happen in the intervening 10-15 seconds before the flow returns to approximate normal, nobody could stop in time.
I parked three blocks away from my destination, in the middle of the night, with no traffic, in a spot that was far too tight (but my proudest parallel parking job ever) because street parking already looked a bit crowded.
It was wide open at my actual destination.
And then I wound up just barging into some poor old lady's apartment because I didn't realize it that the old house that had been converted into a bunch of apartments didn't use the front door as a main doorway. I even clamored over child gates on what used to be the front porch because I'm a moron.
Ouch... sometimes when I'm in a hurry I just say "the next guy will let them in the lane" and be a jerk. Did not know one could have such effort because of it.
Sorry, I promise I will try not to be a jerk in traffic.
I almost did this yesterday. Wreck on my normal route, gps said to turn at the exit ramp that was 1/8 mile ahead. Wreck was a 23 minute delay. My initial instinct was to just stick in my lane and not be an inconvenience, then i thought about it and got in the exit lane after some maneuvering. If it hadn't been stop and go traffic where i had time to think I'd have waited the twenty minutes.
What else are you going to do? Cause an accident? This isnโt a lesson to be less awkward. This is a lesson to get in the right lane before itโs too late.
Vok250 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THAT'S WHAT TURN SIGNALS ARE FOR. They signal to the drivers in the other lane that you need to merge in. The vast majority of drivers will make room to let you in.
I'm surprised no one has said this yet and instead people are trying to justify this behavior. If you are too anxious/self-conscious to perform basic driving maneuvers then your poor mental health is affecting your life and you need some counseling.
EDIT: This really applies to most of this thread. Holy shit guys. This is basics stuff that no one cares about other than you and your own anxiety. I'm honestly in awe of some of the responses here.
I spent that walk home thinking that just saying a couple words to the driver would've made that day a whole lot easier. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.
On the bright side, I do know which stop to get off at now!
JHTech03 ยท 1351 points ยท Posted at 19:33:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I do that I just walk into the nearest store until the bus leaves and wait for the next bus. Nobody but me should know my shame
nnyx ยท 1708 points ยท Posted at 20:39:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is somehow worse.
At least the other guy only did it the one time. You apparently do it often enough to have a go-to solution.
[deleted] ยท 792 points ยท Posted at 21:08:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This! My wife always wonders how I have backup plans to everything. I'm forgetful and I'm kinda stupid sometimes (most times) and do stupid shit on occasion (a lot of occasions) so I make sure I have a backup plan. I get lost so I always make sure to leave extra early to go to places.
When you're stupid, you plan ahead thoroughly. She's Tunisian and we live in Tunisia (I'm from the US) and she wonders how I know my way around the majority of the city so well. Because I freakin' get out at the wrong places sometimes and have to walk a lot and learned where to go like that. I learned back roads because I barely speak the language here and I fuck up and used to be worse. I'd tell the taxi cab the wrong direction sometimes or tell him but he mistook it as turn left RIGHT THERE not ahead like I meant.
So I learned a lot of backroads here near our house. Used them a month ago and my wife was like "Jesus, how do you know this? I'm lost!"
gonffen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:26:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
It's the city. I figure it out eventually. I can speak enough of the native language now that I can get around easier. It is terrifying to be in a cab, not speak the language, only a basic idea of where the hell you live in a foreign country.
lebruf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:30:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My secret to survival is knowing how stupid my ADHD can make me be and having all sorts of automated failsafes, reminders and backup arrangements to save me from my inescapable idiocy.
Vinkhol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, busses are confusing. I've been in new cities several times on public transit and gotten horrifically lost - especially in the days before smartphones. Buses are almost all locals who know where they're going. When you're from out of town, it's hard to keep track of which street you're at, and most buses don't consistently announce their stops. Sometimes it's better to get off, pull out the map figure out where you are, then get the next bus than risk getting put on a freeway to a suburb or into the ghetto.
if you're going to be walking a long distance in the rain, you have enough time to think of something like that. Kind of a shame that OP didn't do that (could have saved him troubles). That's assuming of course that there was another stop nearby. Maybe there wasn't.
Henesgfy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the difference between a solution and a workaround.
Rognik ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:03:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk into the nearest store
But then, to avoid further awkwardness, you need to buy something from the store!
I've done this, but it backfired on me. The bus driver turned around to return to that stop for a handicap passenger he forgot to help off. We looked at each other with shame, and we never made eye contact again after that.
It's cool though, you went on an adventure, rains not so bad, and new cities are more fun to walk around in than go from bus stop to bus stop. Sometimes I'll have the uber drop me off a little out of the way to go for a chill walk and see what's going on.
My first time taking the bus, I got off too late. So I checked my phone, which lagged like hell. Got off the bus to check the stop map, hit my head on the mirror. Went back to ask the driver for help. Hit my head on the mirror again. I wanted to die.
C0rdt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still cringes over it every single time he walks anywhere.
Oh wow, I've accidentally requested the wrong stop and said to the driver, sorry I meant the next one! When the next one was maybe a 45 second walk down the road. That sucks bro
But what if you do that, then come to realise that it's not the next stop either? Would you draw a line under it at that point and get off, or boldly say "Sorry, next one"?
If the latter, when does this madness end? And have we just managed to quantify anxiety using bus stops? Jesus.
I think at the second one you just have to accept your fate. It's not your day, you gotta just take it with as much dignity as you can muster. Let the hot feelings of shame warm you on the cold walk home.
Could be Toronto as well, one of the most well represented cities on reddit and one of the world's best networks of buses and streetcars, all of which have tons of stops. That being said our subway system kinda sucks
I can't find it either it was years ago :( It might have been from website traffic data not from a census but either way google isnt giving it to me sadly
Take it with a grain of salt because this is from memory. I only remember Toronto being high because it's my city.
Midtexan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or when you say โsorry, I meant the next one,โ and then driver keeps going past that stop and then someone else on the bus yells and says thatโs their stop.
When I was fairly young and super inexperienced with the bus, I got sick of waiting for the bus going in the direction I was waiting, so instead I hopped on the one going in the opposite direction, figuring it'd loop back around. Ended up wayyy the fuck out of my known areas and didn't have a phone or any money but got off at the last stop which was thankfully a station and I noticed a bus of the same number about to start up so I hopped on there. Ended up wasting a good 2 hours but hey, I learned the route!
I do this with food. If I ask for something and get something else, I just say nothing and eat it in shame
DeemDNB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bunch a goddamn Normans in here
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me at Panera. I ordered a pick 2 - soup and flat bread - from the app and when I picked it up in the shelf, there was a note on it saying there was a preparation mistake and to go to the counter, but I just took it and went home. Turns out there was only soup in it and they forgot the flatbread and side of french baguette.
Oh man, happened when I once ordered chicken tacos or something at Baja Fresh. I had been waiting an appropriate amount of time when they called out for a ready order. Being the awwkward goof I am, I just took it and when they asked if it was mine I said yep. Turned out to be something entirely different. I wasn't about to go back and wasn't about to not eat it
As a bus driver, I can't tell you how many times the chime has gone off and no one got off the bus. Sometimes people think the next stop is the one they want and it's not, sometimes people lean up against the stop request button (there's one on the pole closer to the floor for disabled passengers), and sometimes people pull it just to be a dick when they have no intention of getting off. If I stop and no one gets off, I just close the door and keep driving. We really don't give a shit. And even if we did, it's impossible to tell which passenger pulled the cord anyway.
I can't imagine what was going through OP's mind at the time. As you said, the bus driver can't even tell who pulled the cord. I bet he thought the driver was gonna come down the aisle and drag him off the bus.
I did that too, I'd just moved and had been shopping for stuff, so I had 4 big bags of heavy shopping too- awkward house stuff like pots and pans and this massive storage box and glasses. I thought I was just round the corner but I really wasn't, I had no idea where I was. I just walked until I thought somewhere looked familiar, in the dark, realised it was looking familiar because I'd already been through it and just kept asking people until eventually this poor couple took pity on me and walked me back home like a lost child, carrying my stuff which I could tell was far heavier and more awkward than they had bargained for and which turned out to be about 20 minutes away. We quickly ran out of things to talk about it so they were just shepherding this near-tearful stranger home, whilst carrying her purchases like unpaid sherpas, in silence. I then made it worse by thanking them profusely for about a year while they politely tried to make their excuses and go about their Saturday night as they had clearly planned. Awkward.
In first grade I was getting home in the back of the bus for my first day of school. I vaguely recognized my bus stop because we had just moved into a new house and attempted to get to the front after hesitating. Then the door shut and the bus began to move so I sheepishly sat back down. I was in panic the rest of time, too anxious to approach the bus driver. After all the stops, the bus driver lady was at the gas station and luckily my mom showed up. I was in tears ready to accept my fate of staying on the bus forever.
I did that on the school bus in 7th grade. I got off one stop too early, and the next day the driver looked at me expectedly at that stop, so I got off. I walked the half mile home every day for six months until we moved away.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:30:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit.. this is the top comment? i do stuff like this all the time..i went the wrong direction on a bus for two hours just content to let it circle back around bc i was nervous to say anything. it didnt turn around. i had to get off and wait for another bus at the end of the line, then ride another two hours home.
i paid for 4 pizzas that were randomly delivered to me
i have not gone back to the doctor in almost a year bc last time they said they recommended me to see a male doctor. i have massive social anxiety, and i have no idea what to do or why they would suggest me to see a male doctor but now im too nervous to even call them.
When I was in high school I had to take a bus to a place I'd never been before and missed my stop. I ended up in a part of town I didn't know and had no money to use the pay phone (yes those still existed). My parents wouldn't answer so I went to the Dairy Queen next door and I was SO embarrassed that I decided I should use a Russian accent to speak to the manager because obviously if I was foreign it would be more understandable that I was lost. (I had taken Russian in 4th grade so I actually knew a few words and figured my accent was probably OK) The dude was super cool and drove me to my destination because no one ever answered the phone and I was a distraught Russian girl lost in the city.... pretty sure he bought it, but I was terrified of getting busted the whole time.
Three days ago I was in the subway and our train stopped at a station. I was redditing on my phone. People get off, I stop reading and have a look. It's my station. Shit shit shit... and my brain shut off. I looked back at my phone, thinking "shit it's too late, I can't get off now".
I got off at the next station, crossed the street, and got in again. I lost ten minutes because my brain just sucks ass.
I'm 26 for duck's sake
SayDaat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang that's next level! I did that once but just stayed in my seat. So painful.
I did the same thing!! I was taking the bus to my co-op placement in high school - I'd used public transportation in our city maybe, like, twice in my life. I kept asking people for advice and tips (I like to be prepared for EVERYTHING) and someone said, "You just pull the cord when you see your stop!" So, not knowing where the nearest stop was to my placement, I waited until I saw the physical building. Of course the next stop was after the nearby intersection, but thankfully not far so I wasn't late.
I knew for the next day when I had to pull the cord!!
The first time I ever took a bus, I didnโt know about the cord, so I just kinda mumble shouted โStop the bus please!โ.
Everybody looked at me like I was retarded, and the kind woman in the seat in front of me pulled the cord.
I was 14.
jofflyn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college I only took the city bus when the weather was crappy because my place was only about a mile or so away. After a long day it was kinda rainy so I went to wait for the bus and felt like it arrived a bit early, but hopped on. Realized it was the wrong one after it turned the opposite direction of my usual route, so I pulled the cord and got off but walked the opposite direction of where I needed to go until the bus was out of sight so I wouldn't look like a dumbass. Ended up walking even father in the rain than if I had just walked straight from campus.
One time my bus broke down so I caught the next one and the guy waved the fee for us. I knew I was getting on an express bus, but I thought he'd be stopping at requested stops cuz, you know, he was picking up passengers from a non-express bus. I realize now it was dumb of me think that, but I did.
Saw my stop coming up, requested it and stood up. 30 seconds later we rocketed past my stop and someone slid into my now vacant seat, leaving me to stand like an idiot for the rest of the way to the next scheduled stop. I then walked 20-30 minutes home. Not a bad walk, at least, but someone could have said something. Including the guy who took my seat...
Just roll with it. Maybe you made an important discovery, avoided getting murdered or unknowingly meeting your soulmate
konan375 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:04:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done the opposite. I didn't really know about the stop cord and ended up missing my stop. I stayed on the bus all the way back to the terminal and took the bus with my number.
Oh my god i did this because I fell asleep on the bus. Woke up and the windows were foggy so i couldnt see out them. So I pressed the bell, and ran off. Turns out I was only 3/4 of the way to my actual bus stop. I mean I prefer walking and listening to my music for 30 extra minutes in the morning to getting to school on time... schools boring
Banirawr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:35:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan?
Uzikriaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've literally done this exact thing, rain and everything. Glad to know I'm not the only one
I always press the stop button as invisibly as I can, in case the bus stops at a stop I wasn't expecting and I can look around confused as everyone else, searching for the person who pressed the stop button, as no one gets off the bus. The bus driver will just eventually give up and pull away, and I get a second shot at the correct stop.
I used to take the public bus to and from school. On a few occasions, the driver would have to stop at the children's crossing, which is directly before my stop, and forget that I needed to stop there. Generally, people would know because they would have heard the tone, and shout out to let the driver know.
One time I was standing up near the back of the bus and it was really crowded. I headed towards the door after pressing the button and I couldn't see outside the bus at all. All I knew was that the bus stopped, then kept going, and I thought he wasn't going to stop again, so I shouted out STOP. The driver came to an almost immediate halt to let me out, and several people were staring at me. I felt like such an idiot, but teenage me decided to storm off the bus as if I were in the right.
Once I was walking into a place to get some dinner to go, and I accidentally walked in the wrong place, meaning to go next door. I got food from a place I didn't really want because I was too awkward to just walk back outside and go next door.
First time I took the bus, I sat on the bench only to watch the bus drive by. 10 minutes later, I was standing, but had my thumb out like I was hitchhiking.
joyfall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once somebody told the driver that they accidentally pulled the request cord just as the bus was about to stop. The driver kept driving and I was too awkward to tell him I actually wanted to get off at that stop.
Another time I was waiting for the bus in a crowd. When the bus arrived everyone lined up to get on. I was behind a girl and when it got to her turn she told the driver she was waiting for another bus. The driver assumed we were together, closed the doors, and drove off before I could even say anything. I was too awkward to say anything to her so I just waited with her for the route she was getting, got off at the next stop where my original bus was also waiting, and then transferred onto the correct route.
I do this all the time and just get off -- I feel embarrassed for making the bus stop early. If the bus isn't too full I'll just say "oops, wrong stop" and the driver will keep going.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done the exact same thing!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something I'd do. On busses I never sit unless it's empty because I always think about it too much that I miss the spot. "Oh there's an empty seat..Should I go sit? Is someone else trying to grab it? Ah I should just go for it.. never mind he took the seat."
No shame in that. My wife and I got off a subway in Chicago because we didn't feel safe, walked 15 extra minutes in a downpoor to our hotel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay, i pressed the stop button at a stop i didn't mean to, and i was the only one on the bus. The driver looked back at me and i was on my phone and he tutted and drove on.
DrBob666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like something I would do.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had the same experience once. I live in a rural area, so the bus stops are relatively far from each other. It was really dark outside and I couldn't properly see which stop was coming next so I pushed the 'stop' button one stop too soon. I had to walk for about 40 minutes because I was too imbarassed say something.
I did that, except it was in the middle of a Minnesota winter. Called my girlfriend to ask for directions (I don't own a smartphone), waited for the next bus, which didn't stop, ended up walking 5 blocks to another bus, made it to work 1 hour late.
I missed an appointment once because I pulled the cord about about 10 kilometres from my stop and didn't want to come off like a moron to everyone on the bus. I got off and waited for the next bus, which came about 20 minutes later.
Slydruid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that as well! It was only a block. But I was dropped off at an abandoned warehouse rather than where I work. What made it worse was that he had to stay stopped for a handicapped person to get off. So I got to walk by the bus that dropped me off too early.
You don't even have to say anything! Just don't get out
Wildaz81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After growing up in the country, I had no idea how the city bus transit system worked. For example, when you take the #23 there is another number #23 going the opposite direction. It was my first year at university and I took the #23 to class. When it was time to go home I went and jumped on the #23 where I had gotten off. I didn't get off and didn't say anything to the driver who apparently was supposed to go on his dinner break at the end of the #23 east route. I very awkwardly sat on the bus with a very annoyed bus driver while he patiently ate his dinner.
i done that but i actually told the driver to go to the next stop, and he said โyou know, youโre wasting my time hereโ
Seikon32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened when I was on the bus and this guy did it. But instead of getting off, or just apologising, he kept on telling the bus driver to just keep going. When the bus driver stopped he looked absolutely vivid, thinking he had to get off and walk. Then he saw a line of people behind him wanting to get off. He just sat down and stared at the floor. I'm guessing he missed his stop because he didn't pull the cord, atleast for 7 stops when I had to get off.
dognus88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this. I also later that day I missed my stop and instead of asking how to go back I just walked around a new city for a few hours till i found my way to somewhere I knew
Honestly I would've just pretended to look at my phone or out the window. Avoidance is pretty much my specialty.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done that before multiple times. I don't know what it is about busses, but they stress me out to no end. I don't have the same problems with any other type of public transportation. I pretty much completely avoid new busses these days.
I did something like this too but I pulled the cord at my stop. The lady next to me was really big and I was too awkward to tell her to move so I stayed on the bus until she got off. Then I went one stop further, got off, and got on another bus going the other direction. I added about an hour to my commute.
i did a similar thing on the Shanghai subway, apparently it stopped running after a certain hour, and I was in the middle of fucking nowhere, China, with no subway to get back.
frame358 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a random bout of social anxiety once while having to go in to a Home Depot to pick up my dad's order of tile and was just so unwilling and afraid to actually talk to an associate that I called my dad and took the phone up to the employee at the counter while I just awkwardly stood away from them and looked at paint.
wrongstep ยท 4105 points ยท Posted at 17:32:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god no lmao
MoeMikay ยท 280 points ยท Posted at 20:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I walked around a home depot aimlessly for two hours because I was too nervous to ask where they kept cement. Left with nothing.
heigh_ho ยท 586 points ยท Posted at 21:40:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a Home Depot associate that knows how intimidating Home Depot can be for someone with any kind of anxiety, there is a Home Depot app that will tell you where almost every item in the store is down to the bay number. You can completely eliminate associates if you decide to use the self check out as well.
It also avoids the awkwardness when the associate takes you on a wild goose chase all around the store and it becomes apparent that they have no idea either.
OscarM96 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:32:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're off the clock (I think), stop working!
samtrano ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:05:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's also on the website if you don't want to download an app
jd_ekans ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:37:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the real lpt is always in the comments
Nate72 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'm fucking fearless and will charge up to an employee and demand to know where something is. Other times I'm socially exhausted and will wander wound for an hour looking for something and try my luck at another store.
Other times I just don't know what the name of the item I'm looking for is, and am ashamed to admit it.
Most recently - it's like a pole, but square, and has holes in it. Baffled everyone I asked. Turned out the problem wasn't me. It's literally called square metal tubing. Moral of the story, don't assume you're the uninformed one.
I'm always amazed that Google can do that so well. People on reddit talk about the importance of knowing how to google, but for most things I write it out just like you did, sometimes even more convoluted because it's funny, and I'm almost always successful
OK, so assuming you're not exaggerating, how do you get through your day? I'm sorry I know that sounds combative and I can't think of way to make it sound less so but if you can't ask someone at Home Depot where the cement is for 2 hours, how can you manage any transaction with a stranger?
Make my partner call for my pizzas, or talk in drive through or any store, really.
~Always~ make a plan of route through buildings to meet the least amount people possible.
Listen for any sounds outside for a minute until getting out of house to make sure noones around.
These are few examples how I make things work. If I ~have~ to talk to someone, I can. Sometimes even without being awkard. But it just hurts so much and I can only manage it for so long. Sometimes when I get home after very social day I just drop on the floor the instance I close the door and cry for 30 minutes.. for no apparent reason, It just... hurts, like if someone was forcing dagger in your brain while having your ultimate bully/enemy talking in your head.
So, I'm just a random internet stranger, but I've dealt with pretty bad social anxiety, and the only thing that really helped me was meditation/yoga. Specifically the stuff from this site:
http://aypsite.org
I can't claim it'll help you, but it worked for me, plus it's free. I can actually talk to people, and live my life now. Hope this helps.
I have (admittedly mild) social anxiety and found that cognitive behavioural therapy helped. I never saw a therapist, just followed some books that have you do various thought exercises and observe your thoughts etc. Unfortunately I don't remember what the book was called now but I'm sure if you Google you can find something similar.
Not the person you're responding to, but I've done similar stuff and I'd say it depends on what i want from the person. And whether there's a helpdesk or I have to approach someone walking around doing whatever.
But both of those are better than calling people. I once walked for an hour instead of calling my car insurance lady.
And you know, I have a stable job, I'm actually responsible for other people's actions, all my bills are paid, and most people would probably say I'm a functional adult.
MoeMikay ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:16:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It usually won't bother me every time I go to a store. It's just sometimes I can't get myself to go up to somebody for help. Those times I'll usually just leave and try a different day. Cement was for a hobby project so I wasn't in dire need and was just trying to gauge prices.
This. I remember how socially awkward I was when I was younger, and it basically boils down to how terribly I needed something. Hobby project? Yeah nah, I'm not risking talking to someone just for that, especially as there's no time limit and I can just try again another time. If it was urgent then yeah I'd attempt to talk to someone even though I hated to.
I don't have anxiety (well some, not like a debilitating amount) but sometimes I just get caught off guard. I'll be looking for whatever and an employee surprises me and says "are you finding everything ok?" and I just say yes out of habit even if I actually do need help :/
7eventy3 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:46:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked for my father doing construction during summers as a teen and I would be sent to random warehouses to pick stuff up constantly. The social anxiety and guessing where to pay then where to drive the truck to pick up almost made me insane
And you feel like such a newb not knowing the routine of the top of your head so you guess your way around and pretend to be doing something different when your wrong and get asked
And then the guys at the store are just like "wtf is this chick doing?" and you get even more nervous. Geez. Its happened so much that you'd think he'd stop making me do it. ๐
eqleriq ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:22:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
people have this craaaazy idea that you are simply "bad" at something and if you practice doing it you'll become "good" at it, and think that a lot of the disorders are people who tried something once, failed, and that failure stuck with them
I did that kind of work briefly, and driving to the random warehouses was always a scary adventure, but I never had any idea other people might also feel so challenged by it. I thought it was just me being inadequate. I feel so relieved and validated :D
Kaneie ยท 354 points ยท Posted at 18:05:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds so much worse than awkwardly asking "Hey, uh, I'm here to pick up, y'know that thing for x"! I have to pick up things from a hardware shop every so often for my co-workers and I just go up to the counter like "I was sent for this thing by x," albeit extremely awkwardly.
You know what's weird? While I'm still anxious doing these things, I feel less anxious doing things for other people than if I had to order something myself. Not too sure why.
Its hard to articulate, but I think I know what you mean. I travel for work, and therefore often find myself eating dinner alone in random cities. If I'm traveling for work, I don't give it a second thought. Because I'm on business, my boss is paying me to work, not be social, right? People gotta eat somewhere. But if I eat dinner alone in the city my husband and I live in, i feel more awkward about being alone. Why does no one want to hang out with me??
For me, it's about having an easy answer to the question of "why are you here", which for those of us who are super socially awkward, is the scariest question possible. Sounds like you feel similarly.
I don't go out to eat all that much, since I can cook. But I go to the bar alone with a book once a week. Live your life. The only reason you need is that you are an adult and you'll do as you please.
This is why I'm glad I have voices in my head, I just take turns going out with one of them.
#neveralone
q25t ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:25:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an idea on that. Basically if you have to ask for something for yourself, there's one social pressure that you're imposing (inside an anxious person's head anyways) on someone. However, if you're getting something for someone else, one social pressure (obligation to get the thing) acts to drive you into the other (asking for said thing) and they sort of cancel each other out.
JGDoll ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:44:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same exact way, isn't it bizarre? Like making phone calls, asking questions, all that kind of stuff it's so much easier to do for someone else.
I think it's cause you're afraid to be judged by the people where as it's for a friend/person you're like whatever they can't judge me cause it's not for me. + You judge other people for their decisions less than yourself.
Its a lot harder than it would sound, ain't it? My father was like "Wtf, NightShiftNinja? Are you fucking kidding me? " afterwards but then again, the man doesn't believe generalized anxiety disorder is real so he just thought I was being weird. :3 It happens all the time though.
samtrano ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:04:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are talking about Home Deport or Lowe's, you can just go onto their website and search what you're looking for and it will show you on a map where it is in the store
losian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is way worse and awkward, that's how social anxiety works, and the people that do it know it's awkward and worse, too.. which makes it awkward-er and worse-er.
Omg, what is it about that store? I was looking for something one day and called my husband and begged him to call and ask where something was. He called back and said they have it at the paint department. So I go there and there's two associates saying "oh, your husband just called? Let me show you where it is." I almost died right there. I knew they knew and I just wanted to run away. Ugh.
Awww! I work in retail and I had a mother ring the store and ask me to give her directions so she could relay them to her teenage son who was in the store and too afraid to ask an associate. I also get a lot of people who just hand me their phone to talk to someone else so it's not really that unusual!
You were, but you meet plenty of weirdos when you deal with customers daily.
Vodis ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:53:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Home Depot associate here. I assure you, we're just as scared of you as you are of us. (Unless it's one of the old guys who's obviously retired and just working here part time for extra income. Those guys are all Nam vets and they fear nothing.)
I really hate talking to people most days because of social anxiety. So every time I go anywhere, my boyfriend speaks to them in poor English (he's Asian) while his American-native girlfriend stares at something in the distance. I always feel bad about it, but he doesn't mind.
Yesterday when we went to Lowes to get paint, I was too nervous to ask the lady to mix our paint that I told him I had to go to the bathroom immediately ( I didn't) and instead walked aimlessly through the kitchen displays until a I was sure he had asked her and the paints were done mixing. He's really such a good sport about it.
It's definitely no joke. _^ The ironic thing is that I have probably the most intimidating resting bitch face in my entire family but the truth is, I'm just really shy around strangers and being forced into a position to where I have to talk to one will instantly trigger my anxiety. My dad doesn't believe in anxiety disorders so it can be hard to get it through his thick skull that I'm not being lazy and it isn't because I just don't want to talk to people. In your case, it makes you sound really cute but totally relatable. :3
This is me. All these comments make me feel so much better. I have to add when I notice someone is fighting their social anxiety to talk to me, mine melts away.
ChaiHai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello there! I noticed you tried to do a " ^_^ " face. Yours is missing an eye. To remedy this, add one reverse slash \ no spaces before the first eye.
Oh man, that's hilariously bad. I'm so sorry, not only because I also have social anxiety but mostly because Home Depot is one of my favorite stores ever and it's always a joyful visit for me.
Oh its a wonderful store, no doubt but it was just a bad experience ๐ and yeah, my anxiety gets really bad in times like that because I just know that something-anything- is gonna go wrong.
gabriot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:31:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's always the worst at that store. Nothing is ever where you'd expect to find it.
I had someone come up to the register at the counter-serve restaurant where I worked, and give me their phone so the person on the other end could order.
My dad expects me to just magically know all of the tool names, what they're for, the measurements and where to find them all the time. We'll be on a job site and he'll come off with something like, "Hey, go get the half inch DeWalt drill bits in the truck"(this is a bad example cuz I know what those are. Just pretend I don't though:3) or tell me to get something like that at Home Depot and I'm just standing there like O_o.... Then an associate will notice the utterly lost look on my face, come over and ask if I need help and then the anxiety hits. You're spot on with that.
I was having a shitty day today and reading your comment made me laugh so hard that my dog stared at me awkwardly.... The worst part is I relate to this... Thank you kind gentlehuman
I don't know WHY but my brain read this as Order of Tile and I was thinking it was some sort of medal of valour or recognition like the Order of Merlin in Harry Potter, and I was wondering if Home Depot awarded medals to people who had bought lots of tiles.
I'm reading this thread while I wait for my takeout and there's like 20 people around me at the bar and I'm all alone so I've been trying to hold in the giggles but this just made me snort, bravo
I just bring my SO because she is more awkward about asking where something is than I am her fear gives me courage.
Flumeh ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is wrong with you people?
[deleted] ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 20:53:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awkwardness, for most of them. Some, like in this case, an anxiety disorder. Some might be autistic, but probably not many.
My problem isn't lack of awkward shit to post, it's as an autistic, many of these seem super tame and normal, daily occurances, and narrowing it down to the most awkward would be impossible. For example, I've gone back around the grocery and put back everything because I couldn't handle a live cashier and the self checkout was down. More than once. And was actually proud I stayed calm enough to return it all myself and didn't just take off and run out crying and flapping my arms. Someone else might post that as an awkward fuck up, but in my case, that's a partial success, I didn't accomplish my goal (obtaining groceries) but I also didn't cause a scene or make anyone else's day harder by abandoning the full cart at the door/line/service counter.
One person's awkward fuck up is another one's what the fuck, and someone else's job mostly well done. The range of human variation is pretty impressive.
Another answer from a non-austistic, non socially-awkward person - just hate asking for help because it feels like I'm sacrificing the idea that I can do everything myself. I think it's especially prevalent in the aforementioned Home Depot type place which is made for DIY people.
I agree itโs a very real thing. However it seems to me that Reddit is serving as a platform for people to either reaffirm their own beliefs about their anxiety (which only makes it worse than it actually is), or simply โboastโ about it. Both seem kinda sad...
bexmouse ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:39:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's necessarily to "boast" but over excitement at finding a platform where it's at least acknowledged. When you grow up with severe social anxiety it often gets placed in the same category as being shy, which can make dealing with it so much worse. Imagine you've been sick for a year and every time you ask for help someone tells you it's just a cold and it will go away.
There seems to be a large and vocal portion of reddit that believe social disorders like anxiety, depression, etc... should just be accepted. Give someone here who is depressed advice and 37 people will scream at you about how you're not helping and how dare you. Ignoring the fact that they're not helping either and I've been diagnosed with depression myself, so I actually do have worthwhile advice to offer. And it's just that, advice.
jimbo224 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:31:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well shouldn't they be accepted, as in people should be able to talk about it and not shamed?
Oh absolutely they should be accepted in that way. I guess I meant the person with the disorder shouldn't be resigned to 'well it's just the way it is now'. It gets better, but not if you just accept your fate.
The only way to remove the stigma around mental health issues though is to have blanket acceptance. More people would seek help if it were just ok to admit openly you have an issue. Took me ten years to seek help for anxiety disorders because of that shit and I make a point now to just be super open about it. Thing is with most mental health issues is that more people need to understand it's a chemical imbalance in your brain and it's not your fault. This is very general not you specifically.
But yah. I just mean if it were just accepted straight up people would seek help more and it would get better faster for more people.
jimbo224 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd bet most aren't especially about this thread with anxiety disorders. I'm a pretty functional adult most of the time. Buuuttt anxiety disorders are assholes and they rear up all of the sudden and surprise you. It sucks but it does make you do stuff like the people above.
Moedig25 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:36:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean if it was a very specific order I could see that being faster than you writing it down or attempting to remember it, or worse, standing there like a translater just talking to both people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one wins
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:16:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I do have one but you know what they say. You are what you eat.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:40:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh if you're a woman that's alright. I figured you were a guy.l and that would just be shameful.
tntey ยท 10571 points ยท Posted at 18:16:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 7th grade there was a girl who was super into gay people, to the point where she had gay dating apps on her phone. Of course I had a crush on her, so instead of talking to her and getting her to like me like a normal person, I told everyone I was gay.
Legend017 ยท 3909 points ยท Posted at 19:05:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did this work out in the long run?
tntey ยท 7964 points ยท Posted at 20:02:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eventually I found out she had a ton of transformers hentai on her phone so I noped outta that one.
Fettacini ยท 2883 points ยท Posted at 21:33:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one that got away
tntey ยท 214 points ยท Posted at 21:34:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still see her often maybe I should dress up in a transformers costume and see what happens
There's so many male characters in the Transformers universeโฆ I think most Transformers porn would have to be gay by default. Either that or everybody gang bangs Arcee and Elita 1โฆor pairs up with tiny humans.
You say that now but before you know it you're standing there in her bedroom with your dick poking out of a cardboard box Optimus Prime costume wondering how on earth you're going to have sex like that.
I3vanki ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:27:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, are you a tyre?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:32:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:46:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but I'm going on vacation tomorrow so it's okay.
Do you get tyred of people asking you the same question all the time?
[deleted] ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 22:47:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I regret it, but my personal rule is I keep a username til it gets gold. Once it gets gold, I delete it and make a new one. This is my 3rd account over 3 years of reddit.
Edit: I am relieved of my duty. See you all in the next life.
dudesguy ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:04:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's new. Can you explain the motivation of... Oh, sorry, I forgot. Is it true that you are a tyre?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:34:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the opinion of a man who had never had one of his favorite videos wiped off the internet overnight.
Ulti ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:47:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is also the opinion of a man who stores his porn on his PC! And also is just really not super picky and tends to like variety instead of having many go-to's.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I like variety too! But nothing is more disappointing than going back to one of the classics only to discover it's no longer there.
Seems the only difference between us is where we prefer to save it!
Ulti ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:59:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just the passing possibility of handing my phone to someone and them uncovering a stash of weeb degeneracy is enough to make my penis retract into my body in fear. That shit stays on my desktop where I know nobody is going to touch it, and even then that shit is hidden in the deepest, darkest nooks of my temporary installer unpack directories and things. Ain't nobody findin' that shit unless they're lookin' for it.
I only have a laptop, which is frequently connected to a projector and used to accompany a speech / presentation for my classes. Ain't having no possibility of sliding into the wrong image or having the wrong kind of suggestion when typing in the search bar. Just the thought of it is enough to make my penis retract into my body in fear.
which I have set to require a password to open. Anything that happens in there, stays in there. Even the keyboard suggestion history. This way I can keep my weird anime porn with me at all times, and ain't nobody gonna see it!
Ulti ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:22:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good solution. Although I'm pretty sure anyone who sees that secure folder is sitting there being "This is where the porn lives". I like to present the illusion that I am some kind of sexless paragon of virtue. It's an illusion.
Most people wouldn't click on that, and if they did, having a password for your 'health data' wouldn't raise too much suspicion. The entire app can also be completely hidden if you want, but then it's a whole process every time you want to open it.
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heeeeh, it kinda looks like a dick. Hehhhhh heh heh!
Have a folder called "Porn". In it, have a single file: "You nosy fuck.txt" The contents of that file should continue to call out the reader for trying to find your porn.
Your actual porn stash you can put in a folder called "Letters to sis, 2001-2003". Make sure you have some dummy folders around it as "Letters to sis, 1997-2000" and similar, too!
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:38:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually do, hahaha. My reaction gif/shitty meme/misc internet stuff folder is called "Welp, it's not porn". Real porn lives some weird place like Adobe Setup Files or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, exactly my fuckin' thoughts too! I'll keep my futa and shit to myself, thank you verrrrrrrry much!
tijaya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tntey ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:12:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing the girl it wouldn't be that far fetched. She showed me gay captain america porn often too (pretty hot not gonna lie) so her watching transformers grind gears wouldn't surprise me.
izzohead ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:02:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you are gay?
tntey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:04:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah
MaxSucc ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:40:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
7th grade? You must still be in highschool if not middle school still. I didn't even know hentai was a thing until it became a meme. And I watch porn at least three times a week. Probably almost everyday back in school. Back when I didn't know incognito tabs existed... Or maybe they didn't exist back then. I remember having to clear my history way too often and god forbid someone type "big" in my google search bar...
Also curious to know. Dammit, OP, we need answers!
Mr_Eggs ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:46:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do people still think you're gay? or have you embraced the gayness
tntey ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 20:01:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I eventually got a girlfriend but the scent of gay is still on me.
Soulren ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Queer here. Can confirm, I smell it
tntey ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:33:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm bisexual, so I want to know, can gay people smell me or am I under the radar?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:57:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:00:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still wait mine to develope. Maybe your mother can give me some pointers? I could stop accidently oogling hetero men (not that they mind, they don't notice).
In a way this makes me really happy because Iโm assuming youโre quite a bit younger than me and now itโs not that big of a deal to be gay in middle school. When I was in school, kids were tormented endlessly if they were gay, and it was a favorite insult of every bully at school. Makes me happy that now there are middle schoolers who arenโt terrified of being called gay or being bullied for it.
There is a certain... type of female that really fetishises gay men (think of girly nights out in gay bars). And in fairness, other than the individuals out there, nothing is telling these women that that's not ok. Gay men are not toys or fashion accessories- they're just dudes who like dudes.
I never really thought much of it before (I'm a straight girl). I never saw the problem with things like token gay best friends etc. Then I read an article a few years ago about the problem with hen dos/bachelorette parties in gay clubs. The gist was: "Please fuck off. This is our space. A gay club is for people to be themselves without judgement. We're not objects for you to gawp at." I then came to the realisation that yeah, some women are really disrespectful towards gay men even if they're not ill-meaning. It's an ignorance problem.
This reminds me of me, except instead of Jr. High it was college. Ok, Junior college. I thought a good ice breaker to talk to girls was to have a pink spiral notebook with a sticker on it that looked like the CBS logo but said "Constant Boy Search" Looking back on it people just assumed I was gay, but in reality I'm sure no one noticed my notebook at all. Man I was an idiot
Funny you should say that. I'm a teacher and I noticed all these girls hanging out with a gay student and wondered if anyone ever did what you did. Funny coincidence. Hope things worked out for you.
I did this too but it was like 20 years ago and being gay was not as accepted at the time. I never lived that one down even though people knew I wasn't gay.
Why would she think a gay person wants to date her?
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She had gay dating apps? She might be gay herself..
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how did a 12 year old have gay dating apps?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha
pighalf ยท 3144 points ยท Posted at 16:12:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During college in the middle of the semester, I somehow walked into the wrong classroom. Even though I didn't recognize any of the students, I assumed some of the familiar faces that I'd normally see were running late. 5 minutes into the class I realized I wasn't in linear algebra but in some sort of Spanish for advanced kids class. I was too dumb to walk out and ended up even dumber as I remained seated until the class was out.
Fuck I did this a few weeks ago, you're not alone. Walked in to the room for my next class early and saw it was full and for some reason I assumed that class had already started so everyone stared at me as I grabbed a seat. After a few minutes the teacher stopped lecturing and everyone got up and left while I sat there in shame.
First day of classes as a sophomore I strolled into class 10 minutes early, feeling cool, feeling confident, it's the first day but I'm not a freshman anymore, I have no reason to be nervous, I've done this all before, I got it man. The other seats are mostly full but in my head I was just thinking it was other kids that came early. The lecturer stops mid-sentence and says "You here for the 9 o clock?" I'm like "um.. yes?" and she's like "This is the end of the 8 o clock." I just turned on my heels and walked back out the door.
valkea ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 01:55:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this too in second year University. Hurried into class, head down cause shy af. Sit down. Slowly register not my class not my prof. Keep eyes down. Prof finishes and everyone leaves
Later was told that he usually runs late and I confused him so much that he ended early. Oops
Oh God, this happened to me in a work meeting the other day! Another group had booked the conference room before mine, and the group already using the room before mine just stared when I strolled in and took my seat like I belonged there. And then my supervisor laughed at me when she came in and saw me sitting in this room by myself. She had definitely seen the other group walk out.
This hurts to type.
[deleted] ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 19:51:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. I did this with a quiz. It was some engineering class and it was tiny. Like 15 people. I walked in, squeezed through a bunch of people, and then realized the professor is reviewing equations before a quiz. I sit there contemplating whether I should leave, then finally get up and go. Some kids thought I was ditching the quiz.
[deleted] ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 20:42:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
their*
NicooNii ยท -73 points ยท Posted at 23:49:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does it matter?
dellaint ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 23:59:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes..?
NicooNii ยท -56 points ยท Posted at 00:01:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How? He knows what he means, and can read the story. They aren't adding anything to the discussion by correcting grammar.
dellaint ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:18:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Informing people of their mistakes so they can correct them is a good thing to do. Just because it's not particularly important in this case doesn't mean they're wrong for making a correction
NicooNii ยท -48 points ยท Posted at 00:25:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, but they could've added more instead of just saying "their*"
Right, that wouldn't come off as condescending at all. Btw condescending means you talk down to somebody, e.g. explaining them definitions of words they should already know.
NicooNii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey that's a nice story, by the way it's their."
Something that adds more to the sentence other than just their.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:30:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That isn't awkwardness, asshole, it's basic courtesy. Some dope walking in midway through a class and setting up shop is distracting to the professor and students.
What asshole behaviour? Has he called any of you guys a cunt or something? I saw the โYou folks are strangeโ part as a joke, something thatโs not meant to be taken offensively. Itโs like saying โYou guys are weirdโ. Itโs not an insult, itโs a saying.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going into classes that are ongoing and setting up at one of the desks. It's rude to both the professor and the students, and he said he's cool with it. I called him an asshole because he does asshole things.
As in, he said itโs fine to do said thing, but thereโs no proof that he has actually done said thing himself, only that heโs cool with it. You can be cool with someone doing something without doing it yourself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, fine. If you condone asshole things, then you're an asshole too. Because even if you haven't done it yourself, you're clearly willing to. Somebody who condones rape or child abuse or any kind of asshole behavior is an asshole. You good now?
Youโre comparing rape and child abuse to a mild disturbance of 15 seconds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally didn't compare them, though. If someone condones them, they are an asshole. If someone condones cutting in line, then they are an asshole too. Why am I having to walk you through this right now?
First off, youโre making a big deal of a student walking in during a test and considering it an asshole move. Iโve seen people walk in during a test, it literally causes no disturbance at all. Half the time you donโt even notice it. Iโve seen students walk in while the teacher was giving a lecture. Teacher literally just glances at them and continues on. Itโs not the same thing as rudely bumping into line because the response isnโt as severe as you believe.
Secondly, youโre assuming that if someone condones something it means they are also willing to do that thing. I couldnโt care any less if you walked in during class, but am I gonna personally do it? No.
nargi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This dude just goes around talking shit on everyone and trying to insult their intelligence.
You're going down the rabbit hole with a reddit troll, just so you know.
His comment history doesnโt really read troll to me. Heโs either a poor troll, or someone who thinks heโs always in the right. Dudeโs downvote crazy too, will downvote anything you say if itโs against his opinion.
nargi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he's a 21 year old student. That's a big part of it I assume. He probably took a Psych 101 class and now knows about all the inner workings of the human psyche and has to prove it to everyone.
He just tries to insult everyone's intelligence and then, as you pointed out, downvote them to legitimize his comments.
I more meant troll in a "you're wasting your time" sense than him just doing it for the lulz
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He probably took a Psych 101 class and now knows about all the inner workings of the human psyche and has to prove it to everyone.
Projection? Just because I called you a moron for saying a moronic thing, doesn't mean I ever claimed to have any knowledge of your inner workings. You must realize that going through my comment history and replying to the people I'm talking to, trying to discredit me, is the behavior of an absolute sad sack. You should really get some help if you're this insecure about someone calling you out on the internet.
nargi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you're an infant. maybe your mommy can buy you a book on how to insult people other than calling them a moron. or i'm sure your friends can all give you some ideas while you shotgun natty light.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've insulted you in several other ways so far, but yeah calling me an infant is clearly a genius insult compared to moron. It's funny, because I've only criticized you for the dumbass shit you've said, whereas you're criticizing me literally just for being a student. I couldn't care less about what your age or occupation is, because either way, you're an idiot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre falling down the hole yourself my man. Best we just ignore him.
nargi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ you're quite right.
sometimes i get bored and can't help myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you really not realize how incredibly hypocritical you're being? I'm dumb and naiive for saying that you're stupid based on the fact that you said something stupid...but you're an extremely intelligent ubermensch for insulting me based not on things that I've said, but for being a student. Also, don't pretend that any of your tired old insults are somehow creative. You're pretty much just listing college stereotypes while trying to pass yourself off as some silver-tongued devil. It's not convincing.
Good to know. This is why I try to stay out of replying to comments on big Reddit posts, youโll never know who youโll bump into. Cheers friend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't go into a classroom in which you don't belong. It's really that fucking simple. The fact that you're really having this much trouble understanding that very basic tenet of behavior is astounding. Also, I already accepted that perhaps someone might condone something without doing it themselves. Five comments ago. We've moved on from that, but the fact remains that if you condone asshole behavior, you yourself are an asshole.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:56:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It definitely takes longer than that in a lot of classrooms, and that's discounting lecture halls. Whether or not you want it to be, it's definitely a distraction. Just have a little courtesy, it's not a huge inconvenience for you to wait outside until it's time for you to go inside. Plus, you're really not supposed to be there if you aren't signed up for the class anyway.
Why would it take longer than doors open, student walks to seat, student sits down, class continues? I'm not understanding the amount of hate here.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 seconds would be counting the seat closest to the door, in most classrooms, and you'd have to be quick about it. It often takes much longer to get to a seat, especially if the class is occupied already...and like I said, lecture halls complicate that quite a bit. How about: don't go into a class in which you don't belong. Did you not ever consider that? You're not supposed to be there in the first place, so don't be there. It really is that simple, and yet you're still having trouble with it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably a bit grumpier than usual right now, but this remains such a simple thing. And it's something that I've observed all throughout my schooling, just wait outside until the previous class is done, it's just basic courtesy and everyone in all of my classes has don it. You're not supposed to be there, it's rude, and it's very often a distraction. It's supposed to be an easy decision for you, and yet you refuse to accept it.
Sorry you're feeling grumpy. All of my classes were so lax about this, people came and went when they needed to, it was never really a distraction. People would sometimes come in, go to the back, and open a book or something, clearly waiting for the class to end.
Tallon5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If every person came a couple minutes early and thought like you, it would be progressively more disruptive.
Hesione ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what happens when you walk in more than ten minutes early
Fuck I did this in high school! Only I got my days mixed up (A days and B days type thing) so instead of walking into what I thought was my first period class of algebra, I wound up sitting through calculus...i actually did all the classwork handed out but just dropped it the recycling box on my way out. The funny thing is that my teacher noticed my mistake AND me dropping the classwork in the recycling box so she took it out after class and graded it anyway, giving me my graded calculus papers the next day...I got a 100% btw
I still have nightmares about this. Standing in the hallway of my high school (that no longer exists), while people shuffle past me, trying to remember what day it is, what period it is, do I have gym or health class next? Oh shit, what the fuck is my locker combination?!
When you're grown up and working in a sprawling multinational corporation, you you may find yourself doing this with other peoples' meetings too. The best way to survive is to wait it out, nodding enthusiastically and taking notes or making affirmative gestures with your hands.
I did this a couple of weeks ago โ it was the right room and I recognised a couple of the faces through the window in the door. I assumed they were fifteen minutes early like I was so I strolled in there and plonked myself down.
A couple of minutes in I realised it was the end of a completely different meeting about another department's part of the new system I was there to discuss, but nobody said anything, so I just waited it out. A couple of them looked really confused.
I have enough seniority to pull this off, and to top it off my unit often joins other random departments for meetings because we're internal support. I've definitely wandered into a random meeting, nodded and drank some tea, while letting my colleagues wonder whether I was actually supposed to be there or not.
"it's ok I'm just here for audit"
"oh ok no problem"
oculus_1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:32:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ultimate excuse
bennyd45 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:59:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a HUGE corporation, Like 10,000 + employees spread all over the city. One of those places where you would walk through the company and might not see ANYONE you knew. Well, I was part of an engineering design group, which had maybe 30 members from all over the different parts of the company. We'd have meetings like once a week and we knew each other pretty well. So, one day, about 20 minutes into the meeting, this guy that nobody knows comes in, sits down in the back, pulls out a notepad and sits there. After awhile it became apparent that he didn't belong there and the organizer stopped the meeting to ask if maybe he was in the wrong room or something. His response was, and he was VERY up front about this, was that he would just pick a random meeting to go to and sit in on them. He figured that since the company was so huge no one would ever know. He went through his day like this and I guess his department thought he was incredibly busy because he was always heading off to another meeting. Things got a little awkward after we asked him to leave. While most of my group was super annoyed that someone would get away with this on company time, I was, honestly, kind of impressed!
Dude does it all the time but doesn't have go-to excuses, and then blows his own cover? Amateur.
Mine is "it's ok i'm just here for audit, carry on", which often elicits "oh ok no problem".
jpallan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:29:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it was actually your meeting, you'd be mostly ignoring it while playing with your laptop. Enthusiastically taking notes seems like the worst way to stay under the radar.
My mom's boss once walked into a meeting he wasn't supposed to be in, so he walked confidently up to the person conducing the meeting, and loudly whispered, "I took care of that urgent matter you asked me about earlier." And walked back out.
This was my fear every day, every class, every year of college. So if I got to class early I would just "casually" wander around the halls until the professor or a classmate I recognized went in and sat down/
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:05:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:16:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how come there were two 6th periods though?
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:03:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:39:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ohh i got it. that's pretty mean of him though
topaz_b ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me? Because I did that all the time, from middle school on. I'm pretty sure teachers saw me determinedly strolling the other way waiting for someone else to show up first.
I transferred to another high school in Grade 10, and I didn't know anyone there. So, the second day, I headed to French, and as I walked in the door I was like, "These classmates look different than the ones from yesterday..." Turns out that my high school, for whatever reason, switched Periods 3 and 4 every other day - I should have been at my Period 4 class! I can't recall how I figured it all out, I just remember being so confused.
Second or third week of class this semester, me and three other classmates ended up going in ten minutes late to class because we showed up a couple minutes late and the teacher wasnโt in the room (she had passed out a worksheet and then went to a side room) and none of us could recognize any of the students inside. We didnโt go in until the teacher came back and we recognized her.
Then a couple weeks ago, I accidentally prevented most of my math class from entering the class because when I peeked in I saw several student who looked like they were focusing very hard on what I assumed was a test. So every time another student came in I said โtheyโre taking a test.โ This lasted until there was about 20 of us outside the door and then our teacher came and was like โtheyโre still in there??!โ Turned our it was three classmates all on their phone or something, all in direct view of the door when I cracked it open. Oops.
I sat through a five hour capstone teaching course because I was in the wrong room. Afterward, the teacher asked why I didn't leave, but I didn't want to disrupt class.
It was in my major area, and I did take it at the proper time (just before student teaching).
When I was in high school I did literally the opposite. Probably the 2nd week of school I walked into my study hall classroom when it had already started, didn't recognize anyone for some reason, and walked out. When I walked away from the classroom it hit me that I actually DID recognize some people.
Instead of going back I just ditched class. On the outside I assume it looked like I stepped in the room, decided "wait, nah, not today" and just walked out lol
That has happened to me so many times. I just usually walk in the door realize I donโt recognize anyone turn around and leave. Usually happened before classes had started so it wasnโt a big deal. One time the teacher was in the middle of a lecture so I just opened the door , realized what was going on, apologized quickly to the teacher, did a 180 and disappeared. So embarrassing I donโt think I made eye contact with anyone, was probably red as a tomato.
My roommate did this in a 3 hour lecture class... she ended up missing 2 classes instead of just getting up and walking across the hall.... it was an auditorium class too so the professor probably wouldn't of notice 1 student out of 200 leaving.
This happened to me on the first day of the semester last year haha. Had Linear Algebra at Major Williams Hall, walked into Williams Hall. Teacher said "hola" to me and I just thought my new math teacher was quirky, so I said "hi" back. She insisted I say hola back to her and that's when I realized something was up. Luckily class hadn't started yet so I left with an "adios" to the teacher.
I almost did that. Somehow misread my clock and missed my class by an hour. Sat down, teacher started handing out study guides or something. I thought we had a substitute or something. Start reading the paper and think "Wait. I already passed Calculus 2..."
Put the paper in my bag, got up, and left. And thank goodness I left when I did. Any longer, and it would've been pretty awkward.
Pseuzq ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:02:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, once I was looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in a complex that had a lot of medical offices. After a bit of sleuthing, Wingman Mom and I thought we'd found it!
I walk in and see a very empathetic looking woman working the whiteboard and breaking down anger management issues. "Cool Man! Got here in the nick of time!" thinking simultaneously wow this isn't a typical AA meeting but Group Conscience so whatever.
The other thing I noticed is unlike other AA meetings that are virtual snack-fests, with a Costco cake, Twizzlers, the PG&E guy's Little Ceasar's Pizza and Sara P. 's tomatoes, this one had individually labeled bag lunches!
Turns out, I had inadvertently wandered into the Mills Peninsula Hospital Outpatient Substance Abuse program. And those "catered lunches"? Piss cups!
Oh god. You reminded me of a horrible incident I had in college. I fell asleep in the middle of a lecture, and when I woke up, it was a different class. And the lecture hall was packed. Like people on either side of me. So all these people walked in and saw me dozing, and even had to sit right next to me. Oh and when I woke up my mouth was hanging open.
I was so mortified I basically jumped up and ran out of the lecture hall, and I could feel a hundred pairs eyes on my back.
drEngfer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. As a senior, no less. In my defense, I had never been in that particular building before and I automatically went to the one lecture hall that there was. Yeah.. My class was somewhere in the basement. It was some advanced econ class and I was signed up for anthropology. Sat through the whole thing.
Let me guess... You stayed in that class because itd be embarassing if anyone realized you were in the wrong class or dropped the class because you suddenly didnt show up?
Just in case this happens again just say "Una disculpa pero me acabo de orinar y necesito retirarme de la clase" it means "I apologize but I made a mistake an I'm in the wrong classroom"
One semester all of my classes were in a building that was just a circle and all the classrooms looked the same. The entire semester I would just wait to see someone I recognized and then follow them into the right classroom. On the day of the final exam I was a little late so there was nobody in the hall but I followed a guy I thought I recognized into the wrong class. I asked if it was the right class and he was like 'no, you f'n stoner' - he definitely had me pegged.
Something like that happened to me but worse. Went to school for pharmacy. After a couple of years, everyone knows each other and students from older years get to know you too.
I was running late and was rushing. Ended up entering a classroom, scrambling for a seat and making a scene. After all that, one of the kids were asking why I came into the class. I had to walk out and listen to a crowd of laughter.
GotHamm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last year towards the end of the year we had a guy do the same thing but he left. He went through like 30 minutes and he just quickly walked out. The teacher didnโt say anything to him until he left and then she just started cracking up and hitting her desk.
fish1197 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I didn't walk into the wrong room, I did think I was late to one of my classes. Door was closed and there were people standing around it but dumb freshman me thought I was just a few minutes late and I got in, saw class had "already started" and went to the back row. I started getting the feeling something was wrong when the professor said...ooooook....when I walked in and sat down. Pulled out my notebook and looked at the board and realized I was in a quantum mechanics class. Freshman bio major, no way I am in a QM class.
wpants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing happened to this kid in one of my classes. We were required to bring two things in for our final exam and this kid walked in a bit late with neither of the things he needed to bring in. The professor then proceeds to make him stand up and announce to our 400 person lecture class what he did and what he forgot. shortly after upon starting the exam, he then gets up and leaves the room having realized he had come into the wrong classroom while the entire lecture hall busts out in laughter
I did the same thing, stupid robot me walked to a class I took last semester around the same time in the evening. I sat down, saw the powerpoint come on for a different subject, and noped the fuck outta there.
theoknem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this in middle school once, our class was in Room 5 for Modern History but sometimes we have it in Room 4, so the whole class watched as I walked into Room 4, took a few awkward seconds to realize that I was in the wrong class then backed out only to see my actual class cracking up
Yeah I did this but it was during the final so I literally just took a final for another class. The teacher emailed me saying he didnโt know who I was, but he graded my final anyway and to let him know if I wanted it back. I ignored that email.
You're not alone. It was raining one day, during my freshman year in college, and I walked a girl, who I thought had for my algebra class, to class. She didn't have an umbrella but I did. Turns out she did have a math class but it wasn't algebra. I just stayed there for the whole class and put my head down while she talked to a friend of hers the whole time, not saying a word to me. I even signed into that class when they passed out the sign-in-sheet. I ran into her multiple times after that. Neither of us saying a word about it and just sharing an awkward glance at each other. Thankfully I haven't seen her since.
I've done this; I walked in expecting a boring Calc 3 lecture but it turned out I was a hour early and instead was in a class about cows. I was in the middle of a row, there was no way I was going to get up and leave, so I ended up taking a quiz about cows and turning it in with a fake name written at the top.
That happened to me once too. It was only the second day so I didn't really think twice about how I didn't recognize anyone. The teacher even said something along the lines of "if you're not in English you're in the wrong class." Someone even took that opportunity to get up and I thought "what a dumbass." Well turns out this was English 102, I was enrolled in English 101 right next door. But by the time I figured it out it would have been too awkward so I just pretended to take notes for the entire class.
Someone did this about 3 weeks into the semester. He walked into our room and stood there for a good 10 seconds. It was a small class 400 level bio course and weโre all seniors who know each other. My friend ended up yelling โhe doesnโt even go here!โ
I hope he got the joke and it doesnโt haunt him.
Dirus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat in a class for 20 minutes once, before I realized this is the wrong class.
I did this but the class was full and I couldn't get out so I hid in the back row sitting on the floor so I didn't open the loud door again. Let out a couple minutes later and everyone just stared at me Asian squatting on the floor in the back.
Reizo123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I somehow walked into the wrong classroom.
Oh god, reading this has just brought back a memory I totally forgot about.
Iโd just started high school, I was in my second week. Iโm not paying attention and just casually walk into what I thought was my class. Iโm about 5 paces into the room before I actually look up at my surroundings. Thereโs a classroom full of students who were obviously mid-lesson and a teacher glaring at me.
The teacher rather angrily asks me what the hell Iโm doing (in hindsight, she was a bit of a dick about it). I just panic. I can feel the blood rushing to my face as I turn red. What happened next still makes me cringe to this day.
I cried. I donโt know why. Sheer embarrassment, coupled with the stress of starting high school, coupled with the teacherโs angry demeanour and the thought of getting detention within my first two weeks. The whole class laughed. The teacherโs attitude suddenly changed and she walked me outside of the room.
As it turns out, there was a typing error on my timetable. I went exactly where I was told to go, it wasnโt even my fault.
Needless to say, I was never one of the popular kids at school.
A few weeks ago I thought I had walked into the wrong classroom because I didnโt recognize anyone. I got up and went out in the hall to check the room number, my schedule, the date, the time...realized I was in the right room, I just suck at recognizing the people who sit behind me every day. I ended up walking around the hall for a few minutes so it wouldnโt be so obvious what Iโd done.
avacatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a time in high school where I was really sleep deprived and thought I was late to a class. I stand in front of the door and see the room full and my teacher teaching and think oh shit I'm really late. I bust in there, all eyes on me and the teacher asks what I'm doing and I learn this was the previous class in session before mine. I had come early. I left but it was so embarrasing having that convo while everyone was looking at me while I was so anxious about being late.
Oh no... I just remembered I did something similar in ninth grade. I was rather socially awkward and suffered from anxiety, which just made it all worse. I was a bit late for class, had a bad day, so I just pulled up my hood and shuffled in by an empty table. It took me maybe five minutes to realise that 1. It was the wrong teacher and 2. Everyone around me was three years younger. And of course I was sitting in the front row. Nobody said anything as I awkwardly got up again and left. Teacher kept going like nothing was wrong.
I did this, and I think it was a group of people who all go through the same classes over the year cause I heard people laugh when I came in... half way through an optometrist lecture (I studied social work).
kdub428 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ME TOO! My senior year of college I had to finally take a science class since I was an international studied major. I signed up for intro to computer science for non-CS majors. On the first day of class, I went and sat through about 1.5 hours of a class until the professor finally handed out the syllabus for an advanced robotics class. Instead of leaving, I just sat there for the class to finish and tried to talk to no one, even though everyone was trying to talk to me and I was the only girl. Silver lining - my intro class seemed SO easy learning about excel formulas after that.
I did this once, I just sat there until I got a phone call from the correct tutor. Did it again another time and ended up in a student council meeting.
Binski12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not just you, last week i sat through a whole "First year experience" class when i should've been in Biology... took me 45 min to notice
Iktoyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:33 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. I did this on my first day of the second semester of college. I was looking for my Volleyball PE class on the University field. I asked some students in their PE uniform where my class was and they just pointed me in a direction, and so I went. I sat in with the first class I saw, only to find out later that this was a Football PE class. Instead of telling the instructor that I was in the wrong class and looking for the correct one, I ended up spending the entirety of the class being assigned a team, and doing drills with my new "teammates".
Needless to say, I never did find my correct PE class and ended up failing PE for that semester.
I also did this, I was starting Uni a week later than everyone else and somehow managed to stuff up my first class starting time by an hour....instead of attending a lecture about strategic Branding, I sat through an hour of a graduate accounting lecture because I didnโt want to be that person in the wrong class. Doing this also caused me to miss the tutorial that was directly after the lecture I should have been at.
Was tempted to quit my entire attempt of starting University at 25 after that first day!
Oh my god, I did this once too. Got a T/TH class confused with a M/W class... realized it almost right away but not before I had been spotted by one of my best friends at the time. Rather than being like โwhoops wrong class!โ I sat next to them through the entire 1.5 hour class.
I completely lied to them later & told them I dropped for a different section because of a waitlist or something, it was embarrassing but no one ever knew..
I said bye to someone and we both walked toward the elevators in the hospital. It was just too awkward for me so I proceeded to take the stairs down 12 flights instead...
Edit: There was only one elevator in that wing of the hospital so I didn't want to just go down a few floors because I might run into them again. I also didn't want to have to wait for the elevator to go down and then come back up again.
Blacksyte ยท 3711 points ยท Posted at 18:23:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of leaving work with a co-worker I know is walking to the same subway station I am. I don't want to small talk about the day we both just experienced at work for the 2-3 blocks it takes to get to the subway. So I once just said, "Let's just have a gentlemen's agreement that we don't need to talk to each other from here on out." They were completely agreeable to that.
Edit: Well, I surely didn't expect this kind of response. But I did want to reply to those who think headphones are the answer. Do you realize how awkward it is to be nearly walking side by side with someone with your headphones in but assuming they may start talking at any minute? I would say for your own piece of mind, state your terms and be free of the social misstep that could possibly ensue. Cheers all.
In college I lived off campus my senior year a few block away from a professor's house. One day leaving campus for the day we basically converged on a point from 2 different directions at the exact same time and now walking the same direction right next to each other as the walk to our houses is identical until he gets to his. Had to take my headphones out and everything. It was awful. Amazingly that only happened once all year despite us both being walkers between campus and our house.
I forgot to mention this is a pro-move. You have to learn to recognize these situations 10-30 seconds in advance without giving the appearance that you have noticed them. Become a master of your peripheral vision. Identify potentially awkward interactions before they can begin and then execute your escape plan before it's too late. Know who is around you at all times and where they are traveling with relation to your own course, and not only will you have the situational awareness of a secret service agent, you will also be able to avoid 2 minutes of awkward chitchat with Scot (with one "T") from IT.
I work with two talking wierdos, one is religious and the other is an idiot. I like to start up debate topics and let them compete on who says the dumbest things untill they're just yelling. then I score them on participation.
I often wonder about this sort of thing. There have been many, many times that I see someone I know but don't want to talk to or maybe just don't know them well enough, so I look elsewhere, change directions, or pull out my phone to avoid them. I know I'm not alone in this, so I wonder who the people are in my life that do this to me.
I was living off campus last Semester and had to take a bus into my University every day. well it turns out, my English Prof takes the same bus as me so while I don't know if we were ever on the same bus, one particular incident resulted in us meeting on the way. The bus we take happens to go up a pretty steep hill and this city got fucked by snow the previous night. As a result, the buses are being re-routed around this hill and its a solid KM walk to the nearest stop we can catch it at. As a result, we ended up sharing a cab
Had one of my old professors catch the same bus as me from the same bus stop, dude was a chain smoker, smelled of death and ash. He looked like he was 86 but with the amount of ciggies he smoked Iโd be suprised if he was a day over 40.
Fuck you Bob you were a dick
bossdogs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:53:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh twice in the last week I've inadvertently caught the tram home for 30 minutes with the professor who will be deciding my academic future in a years time, and I absolutely suck at small talk- even about my studies. It's been agonizing.
A few years back, my mom wanted to make a cake that had some cognac in the recipe, so she gave me a bit of extra grocery money to buy some.
There was a nice big supermarket close to my university, and I often bought groceries there, so I bought the cognac there too.
So there I go to the cash register line, and right next to me in the line is our English professor... I think I should rephrase that: our exchange professor from England.
(I don't know how is this a thing, by the way. And no, he didn't actually teach English - he didn't know enough Russian to do that. I think he taught History of Mathematics. But that's not really related to the story.)
So anyway, there he is in the line, and he proceeds to notice the cognac in my cart and ask me about it. Politely. In English.
(I regularly talked to him in English at university, because I wanted to practice the language and he seemed like a nice guy.)
I think I did manage to explain about the cake, but it was still awkward as ch*rp (about the most awkward that I can recall myself ever feeling).
LadyFrey ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:56:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part of me thinks this you and the previous commenter are the same person... I mean, you've got the same username format (word, word, three numbers) ;p
There's actually a Mr Show sketch about two people who see each other after a long time and then they keep going in the same direction after they say goodbye. They then have to keep saying goodbye awkwardly over and over. It's hilarious.
bg-j38 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:51:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the opposite of this recently. I went out for lunch and just grabbed some stuff to go from this buffet place. It always gets cold if I wait to get to the office, so I just eat and walk. As I'm approaching the front of our office I see one of my coworkers coming from the opposite direction. We'd both get to the door at the same time and I didn't want to have a conversation about the food I was eating. So I quickly crossed the street in hopes he wouldn't see me. I then walked around the block just to make sure I didn't bump into him if the elevator was delayed. I actually really like this guy too.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:13:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I changed shifts at work to an hour earlier and started bumping into a guy walking his dog early in the morning. I love dogs, but not enough to start being friendly with strangers in order to pet the dogs. Alas, this guy was a friendly fucker and after a few weeks, we upgraded to polite nods, which I was fine with... but then the bastard stopped to introduce himself.
I changed my walk to work and added an extra 10 minutes to my journey just to avoid him.
I made this appointment as well, but just as a silent agreement. A friend of mine in high school, same year, same class, lived about fifty meters apart from me. We always took different routes to school to avoid each other in the morning and would alway cycle back together. We were friends, but mornings are just not for socializing...
This is why I keep headphones in during my commute on the subway and walking to my office, even if off. If I want to talk I take them out, otherwise I just wave and act like Iโm super interested in what Iโm listening too.
Ianl951 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy cow! Just saying exactly what you mean?!? What an absolute madman!!
I think most of these would have had a pretty simple solution, the point is people are awkward and do completely random/dumb things because of their awkwardness that looking back on make no sense
DeepRoot ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:16:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, right, and I caught that. I was hoping that, w/ my quote, the next awkward person that was in that situation would remember and avoid having to take the stairs.
Yeah usually when im caught sitting between bushes watching people come in and out of a party in a halloween costume, i just tell them lol its a prank and its all gravy.
I'm picturing myself walking down a flight of stairs to call the elevator, only to find them in the elevator and having to ride down 11 floors awkwardly with them
The fix to that is "Well hello again I guess" and continue your conversation. They feel just as awkward about it so by acknowledging it first you look heroic as fuck.
We are all awkward as shit...some of us just hide it a little better.
LMAO I did this like 4 years ago when I said bye to my friend at school. We both had to take the bus but I didn't want to be awkward so I walked the other direction and had to wait for the next bus in 1 hour
Dyvius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a reason you just didn't go down one flight, pause, and then take the elevators on the floor below?
So that hallway only had 1 elevator so I didn't want to walk down and either 1) run into them 1 floor down or 2) wait for them to go to whatever floor they were going to and for the elevator to make it's way back up to floor 12 so I can take it down. I chose the extra leg day instead
Lol I changed my route significantly in order not to go past the hairdresser's I've been to earlier that day because I didn't know if I should say hi again.
As an estate agent this shit happens multiple times a day.
Nowadays as I'm shaking hands outside I just ask people which way they're about to go because I want to avoid that awkward walking in the same direction after saying goodbye thing. Everyone appreciates it.
Reading all of these is actually making me appreciate working years of front-end customer service jobs. Not sure if it beat the awkward conversation out of me, or just my ability to care, but I forgot how much anxiety these situations used to give me.
I fucking hated always being stuck at the guest services desk but I guess some good came out of it...
I had something similar where I was talking to a group of friends, all heading to the same place. I said bye at the elevator. Then I went to the stairs and fucking sprinted to the floor they were going to so I could stalk past, glowering, when the doors open.
I have a horror story for you: A guy who lives on the same floor as me left his place at the same time I did on a beer run. He was walking to the same store as me, and when we both got there we went to the same beer cooler at the same time. What are the odds?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here, I'll write this out into a script for you, between Jim and Nancy
Nancy: Well, it was good seeing you, Jim.
Jim: You too, Nancy. Take care.
Nancy: Bye.
Nancy and Jim both take a step and a half towards the same elevator, and Jim pauses and looks in both directions.
Jim: Oh, were you...going...
Nancy: Uh, yeah...were you?
Jim: Oh, uh....no. I was, I had to go just down....here.
Nancy: Oh ok...
Jim awkwardly turns towards where he was just coming from and stares at his feet, sweating profusely. Meanwhile, Nancy grinds her teeth as she presses the elevator button and waits for it to "ding," trying not to look up from her shoes.
The elevator finally arives and Nancy glances up one last time out of instinct, only to see Jim had turned towards her with his hands in his pockets, hoping she had gotten on the elevator down already. Nancy pauses and holds the elevator door open.
Nancy: Um....did you need to go down?
Jim: Oh well, nah....no. I had a thing then I was just going to take the stairs down.
Nancy: From the 10th floor?
Jim: Yep...good exercise, you know.
Nancy steps into the elevator as Jim disappears from sight through the stairwell doors and the elevator closes, sending her down.
Sounds like something Iโd do, but Iโd just go down the hall and wait a bit until I heard the elevator doors close, and then come back and wait for the next elevator.
LuxNocte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really, you just have to take one flight of stairs.
flume ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pro Tip: If this happens with a friend, just confidently declare "Bonus time!" and get on the elevator with them.
That is when you take the stair one flight the other direction and then wait for the elevator to make the rounds. You know which way they were going when they pushed the button to wait for the elevator. If you go the opposite way, you can't run into them until later enough that it isn't awkward.
When this happens to me, I learned that it is best when realizing you are going the same way, to make a joke about it and say "Oh, hi again!" or something similar.
shaun894 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know you can just take the stairs to the next floor and take a different elevator...
Cidiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone just did that to me the other day. Took the stairs from the 8th floor when he found out I was getting in the elevator. I have wondered since, what exactly did I do? Did I smell bad? Was there something on my face? This will never stop bothering me.
I've done that before a few times. I usually say, "Quit following me! Hehe. I'm just kidding, were going the same direction huh? Small world.." it gets a laugh about half the time.
That's when I playfully say "you following me?" To get the tension off my chest lol
IMCHAPIN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh you're going the same way."
Just that one phrase works all the time. Maybe try some more small talk. If not, remain silent after acknowledging you are going the same direction. If they feel awkward they will speak anyway.
The amount of times I have ran into this situation where I say "take care" or "see you later" and we end up walking in the same direction. I typically just smile and chuckle. Sometimes I'll make a comment similar to this:
"Oh, you're going this way too?"
They respond.
I respond with some variation of "Awesome!"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs nice knowing Iโm not the only one whoโs done this.
Ace3695 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I routinely do this with the cfo of my company. 15 flights of circlular stairs and a little vomit is much preferable to a 20 second elevator ride in silence while the guy tries to remember if I even work for him or not.
rolo130 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first weekend at college, I got a pro tip that rush parties served alcohol even if you weren't rushing. So I went and had my fill of booze (second time getting drunk, first time without someone keeping an eye on me). Got thrown out when I tried to lay down on the pool table, took the circuitous route back to the dorms in the pouring rain because I had no idea where the hell I was. After a good drunken wet mile long walk, I got to my dorm about midnight and saw residents in the lobby. I realized I was obviously drunk, and mistakenly thought they'd pick me out in a minute. My school had a three strikes alcohol policy, but I was there on scholarship, and recalled a story where my older cousin lost his scholarship and got thrown out of school when he got caught drinking (though that may not have been the whole story in hindsight). No way I was losing my scholarship before I even went to class, so I went in through the basement and took the stairs to my dorm on the 9th floor. Being fit and young and the right amount of drunk, I barely broke a sweat.
I did the same thing but instead just stood outside the elevator door like it was full and id get the next one. It was just her and one other person in there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
super late and maybe already said, but ive done and continue to make this mistake ALL the time. Ive started juat owning it, ill wait a bit say until were both in the elevator and its going down and then do a mocked shocked and excited reaction with a "Hey long time, no way, what the chances of running into each other here of all places? How you been??" They always laugh and it defuses the awkwardness perfectly. Usually roll with it too, or chuckle and say "yea haha" and then theyre the ones who get to feel stupid and awkward >=D
My husband and I do this all the fucking time. We do the big "hugs and kisses and I love yous, goodbye to our son, see you tonight etc" song and dance and then... Well, I'm going the same way, so we cross the street together and walk a couple of blocks before we say goodbye again and go different ways -_-;
At least 2 out of 3 times!
I hate saying goodbye to someone and then walking in the same direction. I avoid it like the plague.
[deleted] ยท 9092 points ยท Posted at 18:06:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes when I'm alone in a strange place and don't know whether I should go sit somewhere by myself or join a group of strangers, I visit a bathroom, sit in the stall for a while, go outside, visit another bathroom and repeat until a friend shows up or class begins.
Now that I think of it, it is hilariously awkward.
Idk man. Where I'm from, (the UK) it may be different, but it's kinda weird to just go up to a group of people and be like "Hey".
Making friends and forming groups of your own is one thing and normal, and even joining a group if you have an acquaintance, but going up to a group of people you don't know like "Hey, what's up" is just kinda unexpected and doesn't really happen from what I've seen.
[deleted] ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 23:35:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 23:45:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dezamaan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:18:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that is interesting. My professor was telling us today about his time over in the UK and he said that whenever he went out to eat that people would sit beside you if there were no other seats and he said he met many people that way. I guess I assumed that it was also normal to go up to people and say "hey". That's what I get for assuming.
Same experience here. I think it's a pretty universal thing unless you're already part of a specific group like church or some sort of meetup and just walk up to people who are also there to make friends or whatever.
But if it's school and people already have been in groups for a while, if someone came up to my group and just started talking to us it would be really strange like who is this person?. With groups, you kinda need to be invited or accepted, or it's uncomfortable for everyone
a conversation starter?
do you have a lighter in your pocket and just want to chat?
i find this funny since i smoke to get away from people and chill for 10 mins.
It's a good excuse to talk to someone "hey have you got a lighter?" After that is really up to you how you want to keep it going, a simple "what are you guys up to?/what are you guys doing?" opens up a lot of possibilities.
I personally like introducing myself after one or two questions, to make whoever i'm talking to feel a bit more comfortable knowing a bit more about myself instead of just looking like a stranger.
I tend to just sit alone listening to people's conversations until someone mentions something I know about, then jump in and spend time talking about whatever game/hobby/weird topic I've looked up at 4am instead of sleeping they mentioned. So, I'm the human embodiment of a reddit comment thread
Nothing about confidence to be honest. You've got the wrong idea. I'm not not going up to groups of strangers and saying hi because I lack confidence, I'm not doing it because I have other friends and have no need / want to awkwardly 'butt in' to other peoples conversations. Obviously asking for a lighter is a bit more natural and a way to introduce yourself, but that wasn't what OP was implying.
So you're telling me, if you're sitting at a bench with three of your friends and someone comes up and says "Hey." you're not gonna be thinking in your head like "uhhhhhh what?". Not necessarily be mean or not inviting to the guy / girl, but it'll definitely take me back.
It really depends, when i was at university most people met through smoking, either because they needed a filter or a lighter.
Sure if the group is quite big i wouldn't make conversation, but if its 2-3 people trying to be-friend them isn't really that big of a problem.
It also depends on age, i wouldn't go up to a 50 years old smoking and try to make friends, i'd limit myself to a similar age as mine.
There are a lot of factors to take in count, as i'm imagining it i don't see it as weird but i can completely understand why some people could fine it unusual
In one situation is this normal outside of some weird edge cases and networking event. I feel like most people would react poorly if I just jumped into their conversation.
Kroniq_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:39:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, I used to be extremely quiet and shy.
Decided to start talking to random people one day in highschool, and now I could have a conversation with just about anyone, about anything. Made a lot of friends that way too.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:46:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People are people, if you introduce yourself and ask in a respectful manner, they are likely to let you join them. If they say no, then no big deal, you didn't lose anything.
People make friends from approaching strangers every single day, it's not like this is some alien concept.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:00:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:04:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaa I thought it was suspicious to be spotted by a yank :) Brits ahoy!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:25:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the situation. Id do this all the time in school. Everyone is my age and as awkward as me so if it's like first day of class I talk to people if they just make eye contact and figure out who actually wants to talk and those are my friends in that class for the semester.
Now if I'm at a bar yea you don't just go and sit at a group of people's table unless you know someone or are like really drunk to the point that they're entertained at least
Sometimes it goes ok. A girl sat next to me in the lounge area of my schools engineering building today. I mean, she didn't talk to me or really acknowledge my presence, and she's kind of a weird girl who kept pacing around and visibly stimming, but still, a girl, and a cute girl even. At least she wasn't repulsed by my presence! I consider that progress. But this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't sat down at the big table meant for groups of people (there were no other people when I got there)
I was joking. I used to meet strangers all the time as a teenager (every dang day). It wasn't until I became an adult and depressioh/anxiety set in that I stopped talking to strangers. In all honesty it should be easy - most people you'll meet are pretty kind tbh. Ok, maybe not most, there's a lot of dicks out there but there's enough people out there who won't immediately reject you that making friends with strangers should be easy.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:57:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be the ultra extroverted sick fuck :))
mostly at raves tho... and I don.t realise it.s a group of people untill after I have been speaking for like 15mins or so with somebody from that group...
And usually they are all chill and friendly when their friend introduces me...
It.s mostly about being honest about your business there.
Soooo my advice is... if you feel like joining a group of strangers... do it!
-Drugs are bad mmmkay
-Music is often awful (I'm mostly a metal head tbf; like a lot of electronic but a lot of it is like nails down a chalk board)
-Trouble breaks out waaay too often. Either a police kettle or just some jackasses fighting
-The drama. Oh my god the drama that goes alongside the rave community. He fucked this girl who fucked this guy who fucked this girl and her sister who sucked off half of London in McDonald's toilets. Don't have time for it.
-They were fun at first but they're actually just boiling, smokey, sweaty rooms, packed to the brim with people who think they can dance drooling over themselves.
I went to Catholic school in England. All the toilets had lids. Granted, half the time they were covered in poo or jizz but hey, at least they were there.
2_lazy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
public school in the USA here, ours also do not have lids.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I insane? Wait, it's worse! I'm that one guy that no one wants to talk to but just randomly goes and butts into the conversation!
I took a nap in a school bathroom stall. People got concerned because the stall was locked for so long and eventually someone peeked underneath to see my curled up self.
Teacher knocked down the door. I got a stern talking to. Entire school was convinced I did some heavy duty drugs. Fun times!
It's your own private world! That's full of shit, with piss on the floor and a hooker's number scrawled on the wall!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:17:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are hanging out where a bunch of people are shitting and pissing and you don't find that more awkward than just sitting in an empty chair somewhere and doing your thing?
not really. i've never once gone into a bathroom where someone was shitting and thought "what a fucking weirdo, bet he's just pretending to shit to avoid social interaction"
OmarRIP ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's so weird that you'd never imagine someone actually doing that unless you read a story about it on Reddit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:58:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nine times out of ten, it's definitely weird to just go to the toilet so you can be alone. Most people won't bother you if you're sitting alone at a table, and if they do it's not like they'll just continue to sit down at your table if you tell them that you wanted to sit alone. There are issues to work out if you find yourself going into a stall just to be alone.
That's actually not that weird to be honest. I have hit the john before to kill 15-20 mins, maybe squeeze out some cable, take a piss and whatnot; but I've never been john-hopping as it were.
"What? Oh no. Just taking a shit. Didn't know you guys came around here! Hey, we should go try out that new Burger place" - guy who continuously sat on a toilet before for 45 minutes
Hahah ok I am not making fun of y'all, but sorry - it is fairly weird to go from toilet to toilet because you feel too awkward waiting for a friend.
I think one lesson I've learned is: most probably no one is paying attention. Shit, people reach into other people's pockets, take out their phone and wallet... and still people don't notice.
No one is paying attention to someone standing around just chilling, maybe looking at their phone, etc.
If it's a bar or restaurant with a bar, go to the bar and get a drink (even water). If it's a concert, chill by the entrance and wait for your friends. I promise you no one has ever given a shit... people are doing their own thing.
They often don't know each other, they're just talking to new people like the complete no problem task that is at a conference for something you are all interested in.
I mean you literally have your initial conversations outlined for you...
Nomulite ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:38:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Social anxiety. One of the symptoms is not being able to talk to complete strangers, regardless of shared interests or not.
My first year in college, I took a math class. First day, the professor told us to get into groups of 3 or 4. Everyone immediately formed their groups, but I was too awkward and shy to invite myself into a group so I just sat by myself for that period.
When it was over, I went back to my dorm and dropped the class. Social anxiety is great fun
Wait. Why would you join a group of strangers? Real question. Isnt that weird? Isnt that intrusive? Arent you bothering them? I would never do that, but why would someone?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:14:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first transferred to my now college, I'd walk to my car (10 minutes both ways) just to put a notebook in it, that way I didn't look lonely if I had a longer break between classes.
Asophis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:04:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, so the other day I missed the PSAT (long story, orthodontist appointment, they wouldnโt let me join) and so I had to spend 3 hours alone, most of which was spent in our โstudent center,โ which is a big room with tables and leads to all the โhousesโ which are self explanatory.
I spent all 3 hours walking from water fountain to water fountain, bathroom to bathroom, trying to look like I had purpose. Thing is, thereโs only so many water fountains and bathrooms, so Iโm pretty sure everybody who saw me thought I was going crazy.
2ii2ky ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:48:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once upon a time when I was a little shit, I would regularly skip classes by sitting in a bathroom stall until class ended. However, these classes were two hours long, and I'm sure an outsider could clearly tell that I had been in that bathroom for a while.
So one day, I was sittin in a bathroom stall watching a YouTube video on my phone, when a teacher walked in. I panicked, because I had already heard that same teacher walk in ~30 minutes earlier. Surely she would notice that I had been in here that whole time? So, I did what any normal person would do. I flushed, left the stall, washed my hands, and left the bathroom.
But with nowhere to go, and cameras scattered around campus, my logical solution was to wander around campus for a few minutes and then going to a different bathroom.
I then "bathroom hopped" multiple times after this incident just to alleviate suspicion (that nobody had. But I was paranoid)
Go sit some where and dont give a fuck....hell stand there and mean mugg them. They are stuck in there with you, not the other way around.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:09:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly situations like this are kind of the reason I started smoking (IT'S A TERRIBLE HABIT DON'T DO IT KIDS). It's the perfect way to kill time in those awkward interludes and no one questions you or thinks you look out of place.
I refuse to talk to people at gatherings because it never ends well. Either the conversation is so boring we both just want it to be over or we start hating each other. There has never been anything else when I'm forced to be part of a group conversation. I always bring dice or cards with me as well as pen and paper if able. I've been asked why. It's so I can fuck off to another room and entertain myself while you losers go be normal and socialize.
In high school I moved to a new school and didnt know anyone. At lunch time, everyone went outside to the quad to eat and hang out. I didnt have any friends, so I would just sit against a wall somewhere by myself and eat my lunch. I didnt want people to think I was a loner and jyst ate by myself so I would get up and walk somewhere else. I wpuld end up doing this a bunch of times and just make laps around the quad. I figured if I moved enough no one would really notice me.
A few weeks later when i actually started making friends with the kids in my class, one if them out of the blue asks me "why do you always just walk laps around the quad during lunch "
Reutermo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love my family, but they are all really loud and hyper which can make me stressed out when I visit them. So nearly once a day when I am at my parents I go to the toilet and just sit on the stall to breath and calm down.
I would do this during college. If I got to a class too early, I would go to the bathroom first. Even though, in all likelihood, I had used the bathroom after my previous class.
I was a venue technician at Edinburgh fringe festival this year and I used to go sit in the bathroom a lot (lid down trousers up) just because there was nowhere at all to get peace without annoying patrons or other techs needing favours.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:36:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bathrooms are a sanctuary for the socially awkward. I spent every school dance and most of my lunch periods in the bathroom in middle school. I'd think it was normal except I was the only one in there.
I hid in a bathroom for an hour or so during middle school. I was meeting a few friends at the mall, but my dad had to drop me off an hour early. I read Homestuck on my phone.
I'm actually having enough sitting alone with my own thoughts and maybe browsing Reddit. Also practising my singing (quietly) so people think I'm mental and don't come near me. I love being alone!
Oh man. After junior high, most of my friends started going to a different high school. So at lunch I either had to hang out with old friends or disappear. So I took leisurely strolls to the bathroom, took my time, etc. Plus it was kind of late to make new friends, most of the people in hs were in cliques. Kinda sad.
in high school I would skip classes and jut sit in a bathroom stall the whole time, so I spent a lot of periods just chillin in the stall and nowadays they are kinda my safe space to go to.
I do something similar: I wait in my parked car (sometimes have waited up to an hour) just so Iโm not the first person in the group to enter the restaurant/bar/etc.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I faced the same problem my first semester so i found a group of guys playing magic and I stood there for a few seconds then randomly blurred out โI donโt have friends, can you guys be my friends?โ At a volume that was just under shouting. They all stopped and looked at me. thankfully they were socially awkward people like me and just said โyeah, you wanna join the game?โ
I do this at school during lunch bc i dont got dem friends
Vitpat8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in high school we had a day where the class schedules were all mixed up and the bell kept ringing at the wrong times. I was in a history class and we were watching a video and I had no idea how much time had passed, so the bell rang and everybody got up and was walking around for 5 minutes so I thought the class was over. I walked out a door down a hallway in the back area of the classroom. Usually people flood out so I walked away for a minute and thought something was off. So I walked back near the entrance of the classroom and saw everyone was seat down again with the lights off watching a movie. The desks in this class were tables arranged to make long rows so Iโd have to squeeze by a ton of people to get back to my seat.
So instead I walked off debating what to do. If a monitor saw me for too long theyโd get suspicious, so I went to a remote bathroom and sat in one of the stalls playing Pokรฉmon until class actually ended.
ailish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smartphones are the best thing ever invented because when you're stuck just waiting for something you can going sit somewhere and entertain yourself. No need to be awkward when you can tune everyone out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this when I was too anxious to eat in the lunch room
When I was in college I picked up smoking to avoid this exact situation.
iceguy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally me
biorogue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first joined the army and got through basic training and got to by duty station. I of course didn't know anyone at all, so instead of trying to meet my fellow soldiers, I'd sit on the shitter for like 30 minutes at a time. Just hiding. Moved past that and ended up making a lot of lifelong friends.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Careful too long on the shitter will give you hemorrhoids.
I've genuinely thought of doing this quite recently. I've started a new college course and the campus is always super busy. I'm kind of introverted as well as socially awkward so being around people exhausts me.
Sometimes when I go for a pee I think "oh man I could totally just sit here for 10 minutes and give myself a breather" but then for some reason, I just, don't...
In high school once, I thought I'd get around that awkwardness on the first day of class by being the first one in, so then everyone else would make the choice of where to sit, and if someone knew me they'd come to me.
Turned out, no one in that class knew me, and everyone sat at the opposite end of the classroom, so I became the alone sitter for that class. Awks.
MVPoker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this every lunch period for 3 years of high school....
g0atmeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just say hi to strangers. It can be a little scary and sometimes awkward but it's way better in the long run.
elfardoo ยท 9630 points ยท Posted at 15:53:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an undergrad, I was invited to a halloween costume party. I only knew the person who invited me, and everyone there seemed to know each other, so I was like the odd man out. After about 30 minutes of pounding jungle juice and standing around awkwardly, I went outside, buzzed, to escape. I wanted to go home, but my friend had driven me. So, instead, I found a gap in the shrubbery around the house's foundation and hid there, watching other drunks come and go from my cloak of concealment. This is was all fine and well until a girl noticed me and I guess startled because she screamed and made a scene. I booked it out of there and walked, in costume, a couple miles to a convenience store to call a relative to come pick me up. That was the last time that friend invited me to a party.
phliuy ยท 1483 points ยท Posted at 17:50:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember going to a barn dance with someone...but she got super drunk and sick before the bus left, so I got on it without her (I didn't know she wasn't on the bus).
Yay.
I spent half the barn dance drinking my whiskey out by a pond about 30 yards away from the barn, sitting against a tree.
It wasn't too bad, fairly quiet, peaceful, and the stars were out.
[deleted] ยท 871 points ยท Posted at 18:11:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aside from losing your date, sounds like a pretty nice night. I love sitting outside at night drinking.
phliuy ยท 672 points ยท Posted at 18:18:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it was me now, it'd be a pretty great night.
Back then, I was much more self conscious.
One man's night, one kid's nightmare
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:18:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True.
Bamb0oM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow really? I hate drinking alone. I mean don't get me wrong, I love alcohol but, I have combined drinking with fun with friends.
[deleted] ยท -18 points ยท Posted at 22:07:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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290077 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering it's not even close, I highly doubt it
The worst of all: fear of uncomfortable social contact leading to the most uncomfortable social contact you could imagine.
m73m95 ยท 157 points ยท Posted at 17:49:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And knowing that you don't possess the knowledge or skill to avert either one.
You want to try and be a good friend (and try to at least be a little social), so you accept the invitation to the party....all while knowing it's going to end poorly... The horrible horrible, pit of your stomach feeling that there is no correct answer.
Don't go and stay home = no friends
Go, and try to be a good friend = know you'll make a complete ass of yourself.
fuck it. stay home all day and pick up some new hobbies.
Grenyn ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:57:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I gave up trying to be a good friend in these situations. Unfortunately the few times a choice like this presents itself, the other party can't be a good friend either and they will give me shit for not wanting to do whatever they invite me to.
Arrival at party. Scope the place out. Wander around and see if anyone randomly befriends you for the night. Find out if there's a dog you can sit next to and pet all night.
You are in the wrong thread my friend. What you were looking for was the "Socially normal people, how do you interact at parties and/or events where you don't know anyone?" thread
Destring ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:14:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm somewhat an introvert myself, but have found myself in such situations. It's not that hard to just go to some group your friend is talking with and introduce yourself..
I don't know is this is relevant but it reminds me of a time when I was at a party with a couple of friends whom I knew, but the other 50 people I wasn't really familiar with.
For context I was on mushrooms. If anyone has ever been on shrooms around drunk people, you should know that it's kind of...tiring. You are on a different level than they are, and you can't find common ground. Awkward is an understatement.
I got in a funk and didn't want to slip into the darkness so I went outside to level out with a smoke, and realized there was a big pool that was quite far from the deck (large backyard).
It was summer, pool seemed usable and open, and I suddenly needed to cool off and my mushroom brain kind of drew me towards the water.
No bathing suit though.....
So I put a towel at the opposite end of the pool, and in one fell swoop, stripped naked and dove in, got out immediately on the other side, covered myself in the towel and walked back to my clothes and threw them back on after frantically drying off.
So I guess I could tell people that I skinny dipped at a party when I was a teenager, but it was all alone, away from the crowd, and on mushrooms. Still worth it though.
I apologize if this is not at all relevant.
TLDR: Skinny dipped on shrooms by myself because I was trying to get away from the party.
Back in my party days, in fact my last party day really, I rolled but got so do so so sick. I was at someone's house I didn't know with a friend who was trying to hook up, and I didn't want to ruin anyone's time, so I found a comfy spot in the bushes where I could crawl to vomit and drink from the tap then crawl back.
What I didn't know is that my contacts were glowing in the faint black light that was reaching me so this dude thought I was a huge raccoon or something.
The other night I was studying late for an exam. Library closed at midnight and I wasn't ready to head home yet so I found a peaceful nook on campus and was just watching Netflix when two girls walk around the tree line, look at me lying on the ground, jump about 10 feet in the air and book it out of there. Either they were tryna smoke or crazy freaked out about a dude watching Netflix. So I feel your pain.
Brad543 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:17:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done things very similar to this.. It's why I always refuse to go to parties where I'll only know one or two people. Only make exceptions if it's a really big party and I can go hide somewhere without someone noticing.
I remember I once told my friend I was going to the bathroom and instead just ran home. Haha.
Dude. My freshmen year I went to the annual Halloween party that got thrown by the students in my department. I only knew one person a little but I didn't want to follow them around all night. I got so uncomfortable I hid outside for an hour so no one could see me crying. When the first round of designated drivers started to take people home, I pretended I was really drunk because I didn't want anyone to know how miserable I was and asked for a ride home. At that point I had never actually been drunk before. I'm sure it looked like the most pathetic performance.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've faked drunk before. It was my first time trying to get drunk and it wasn't working. My friend wanted me to have fun though, so I just turned the randomness up to 11.
That reminded me I once hid in a room behind a coat rack during friend's birthday party. I think I sat there, ocassionaly vomiting, for like five hours, waiting for the first bus to arrive.
You poor tortured thing. See, people would never assume the real reason you were in the srubbery. No, they'd condemn you with their worst fears, or so you'd think. How would you know? You could never ask, you know that much, so you're forced to assume, just like them. What choice do you have?
I did this once, but I stood in some shrubs by the drive way and my plan was working perfectly until someone drove down the driveway and their car could clearly see me. Oops.
Jungle Juice is the worst. It was very very very delicious when I was drinking it. When I finally stood up my knee kept going out, I was screwed. I have never been so sick in my life.
In like 3rd grade, I was walking back to class from the bathroom. I saw this guy walking in the same direction next to me and I got nervous and sped up to walk into my class. I opened the door and realized that it wasn't even my class, it was his. So I basically just opened the door for him and he looked at me like 'wtf' as he walked in. I closed the door behind him and walked into class.
The manager of my local thinks my name is Jarlath. My name is not Jarlath. I don't know why he thinks my name is Jarlath, but he does. I corrected him a few times, and he kept reverting back to Jarlath, so I gave up. Like, he's introduced me to regulars in his pub as Jarlath, and now I have to pretend to be Jarlath if I bump into them around town. Even my wife gave up. In his pub, I'm Jarlath.
The last time I was there he set up a tab for my table. At the end of the night I went up to pay with my card, which has my actual name on it. He saw the name and kinda froze as it dawned on him that my name is not Jarlath, and that he'd been giving the odd free pint to an imposter.
And because I was very drunk and wanted to spare HIM from embarrassment, I told him that it was my friends card. Because obviously I'm Jarlath.
I'm in fermanagh, only ever met the one Jarlath and he was from Tyrone but I just know it's common in Galway too for some reason.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was asking myself as I read your post where in the UK you were from (we in America say "pub" only if the bar actually has pub in the name, pretty sure this is universal.) Cool story.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:54:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:00:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, man, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across as ignorant, I know the difference.
We generally call all pubs "bars", even if there is pub in the title of said bar. There's a place near me called "The Great American Pub" and that's still just the name to us.
I was a senior in HS and my friends and I hung around what we called the "freak" tree. It was were all us social outcasts would hang for lunch etc. So we would welcome anyone including freshmen to chill with us. Kind of like the goth kids on South Park minus the whole goth thing.
This one freshmen kid, no clue what his actual name was, starting hanging around. He was odd and quiet, like most of us, and didn't talk much but fit in well enough. One day I turned to him and out of sheer boredom declared his name was now Sandpaper. He was surprisingly cool with it. As was everyone else and from that day he was referred to as Sandpaper.
So fast forward a few years my cousin, who is a few years younger than me, is taking driver's ED and low and behold Sandpaper is also taking the course at the same and is still going by that moniker.
That was the last confirmed sighting of SP some 13-14 years ago.
colocada ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:30:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My old high school had a similar hang out spot for the pseudo-goth, Hot Topic, Invader Zim obsessed kids. We called them the Tree Kids. They would try to freak out normies and preps but they were really more annoying that freaky.
Also had something similar at my high school, although the name was much more boring; we were just the 2-hall group. Because Hallway 2 ended next to the cafeteria, and we ate out there instead like "rebels."
My French teacher in middle school called me Lindsay because "there is no K in the French language" so he renamed me entirely.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:30:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got called Greg by my regulars for close to two years, my name is not greg its almost similar but being the anxious englishman i didnt correct them until my friend heard them call for me. They then decided it was too late to change my name back and still to this day call me greg
It's the worst when you go into the bathroom to poop and then someone else comes in shortly after you and also wants to poop and then we both are waiting for the other person to leave and it just becomes like a sit-off while we both sit awkwardly in silence. I usually bring my phone in and win these
my bf doesn't get it. he says this is not a thing in the mens room. I mean, people have varying degrees of not caring. Some women will come in and just poop and moan and grunt. I will also hide in the stall until they leave because I don't want to know who it was or to make eye contact with them
LawnyJ ยท 338 points ยท Posted at 19:50:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My problem is that I have a shy bladder so if I walk in and someone is just sitting in a stall, I'm not going to be able to pee because it's too quiet. If other people are washing their hands or flushing the toilet no big deal, but if it's just me and the pooper, I will just walk right back out and try again later. My bladder will not release in the silence
Ulti ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 22:19:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate being pee-shy. Not fun in the slightest. If there's someone standing next to me at a urinal, I just won't fire. Doesn't matter. D:
Same. It's really awkward have to just give up and go to a different bathroom
Ulti ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 23:00:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just stand there at the urinal and pray the other guy doesn't notice you're not actually peeing, all while staring intently at the ceiling in the opposite direction.... urgh.
el_grort ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:14:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then the awkward zip up after not peeing and darting into a cubicle as soon as one opens up. Bonus points for carefully aiming at the side of the bowl to try and decrease the amount of splashing noise and not make it obvious you couldn't piss at the urinal. Too, too many times.
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:30:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sit down on the toilet whilst using the paper toilet seat covers or toilet paper. Will make less noise and less awkward.
Ghosttwo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless there's shit on the seat, I never use toilet covers. Cleaner than a handshake!
bjb399 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:02:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There must be enough of us that they get it by now, right?
Ulti ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:04:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still not going to stop the fear of judgement from paralyzing the sphincter in my bladder. What if theydon't get it and just think I'm some kind of weird perv?! Auuuughhhhh
bjb399 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh of course not. Thankfully my desk at work is near the bathroom, so I can surveil the area to try and make sure it's empty before heading in. Still... if someone jumps in immediately afterward it can get weird.
Ghosttwo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:08:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be that way, but then I found a trick. Just go through your head and imagine all of the water sources you use, one after another. Imagine turning on every sink, hose, faucet, all the toilets at work flushing an so on. Within 5 seconds my own 'faucet' comes on, no problem.
Skip urinals and head straight to stall. Problem solved. Unless you're at an event... Then you're screwed lol
Ulti ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:56:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's usually my go-to strategy... but yeah trying to take a piss at a baseball game or something? Fuck that, no dividers between urinals? I have died and gone to hell.
Went to the Indy 500 once and it was just a trough in the middle with dudes on the other side facing you. It was like the worst dick-measuring contest ever.
Ulti ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 00:30:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
?!?!?!?!?
MP4-4 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:43:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you'd think the organizers would have the fucking courtesy to be civilized enough to have put up a dividing panel so that you wouldn't have to eyeball each other, for gawd's sake
I mean what do you do in that situation, you can't look straight at the opposite dude and you can't look down without looking like your eyeballing everyone's dicks, looking up either just looks weird like you are enjoying your piss a little too much.
It was...shocking. IIRC, had to pee badly and went up to it and just started before realizing that there was a line of dudes across from me, FACING ME, with their junk out!
This was 20+ years ago (ouch) but I still remember the WTF feeling
We had troughs at our state fair... The absolute worst. I forgot how I navigated that one though.
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:21:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah... those are absolutely the worst. 200% agree. Although there's a bar I go to that has a small trough, and they fill it with ice from the bar. That, my friends, is how peeing at a bar is supposed to work. So horribly satisfying.
Not entirely relevant, but I was recently snorkeling and learned I could not will my body to pee when I was in the ocean. It was the strangest thing. I don't think I was pee-shy in the sense that you were using the word, but that was still a pretty frustrating experience. Had to wait for the boat to go back to shore hours later. Shouldn't have had that cup of coffee beforehand.
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that's real weird. Can you pee in a swimming pool or something for instance?
I hate it too, so so much. I think I traced this shyness though. When in 1st or 2nd grade this asshole would push people into the urinal while they were peeing, getting them a little wet. Gross. I seem to remember it happening to me a lot. Not great. Iโve always thought the shyness was more of an overactive defense reflex. If a predator is near, you are ready for flight, not peepee time. Maybe the over-shyness comes from stuff like this? Oh well. Even if itโs true I still canโt beat the shyness!!! Anyway, the asshole ended up overdosing on heroin later in life. Karma, I guess.
I learned a funny trick years ago for this exact thing. Do math in your head. Just hold your dick out and calculate shit in your head, like "4x2=8, 7+9=16, 2x7=14, 1/x3 = โy (jk he he he)..." until you pee. I swear it has helped me to get over this massive, debilitating, even life threatening problem.
Edit: i cant reddit.
Ulti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, everyone coming out of the woodwork saying to do math overnight! I'm going to have to give that a try.
Some establishments have speakers in their washroom so it's not dead silent when you walk in. Makes it less awkward if there is someone in the stall beside you.
LawnyJ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:53:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in the quietest building haha. The other building on our campus is a call center so they have white noise pumped in to help muffle all the talking. Maybe i should just try peeing over there
There was just an interesting Freakonomics podcast episode about disrupting (in the sense of disrupting an industry) bathroom standards. They pointed out how weird it is that it's completely silent in bathrooms. Some cool suggestions on how to fix it... one Italian restaurant played a learning Italian track in their restroom, I thought that was a good idea.
THIS IS ME. I learned that if I plug my ears it will create a little bit of white noise in my head so I can focus. And itโs almost like the โif I close my eyes you canโt see meโ child mentality. If I canโt hear me pee, you canโt hear me pee!
LawnyJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really interested to see if that could help. I could see that working if I don't hear myself breaking the silence
In Japan, the toilets often have a button that will just play a flushing/running water noise for this exact purpose.
LawnyJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?! That's amazing. America needs to get with the times
nucumber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a word of advice to those with shy bladders is to mentally curse them out. just rage on them . . . . "that fucking dipshit can go fucking die, fuck 'em all......"
I learned to deal with this. Count down from 10 in your head, every time you pee in a public restroom. Focus completely and only on the counting, kind of like a meditation. Make it so that everytime you hit 1 you start peeing. Just speed up or slow down to hit the timing. Before long you can count down in your head and when you hit 1 you'll just start peeing. It's pretty handy in crowded situations. Came up with this when I was 12 or something.
It kind of is a thing in men's rooms as well. Though what's more weird is when you're standing at a urinal peeing, and somebody else comes to pee next to you, and makes a big spectacle of it - groaning (presumably because his bladder had been full), rubbing his own stomach, humming a tune, etc. Savoring the experience in other words. Personally, I'd just rather get it done quickly, and get out.
I've had that happen at a rest stop; thankfully the other two guys in the restroom were in plain sight (one at another urinal, the other washing their hands) and htey just bust a gut laughing. I thought the guy taking a leak was going to wind up peeing all over himself he was laughing so hard. The kids dad turned beet red, put his heads in his hands and pretended he didn't exist.
I caught one staring. At 3am. He was standing outside of a highway rest stop. Nobody else was around. I had to pee. I pulled up, parked and went in to pee. He chased me in, took the urinal next to me (in a huge empty restroom with around 8-12 urinals) and looked over at my wang. I froze, zipped up, walked out, and drove 50 miles to the next rest stop to pee. I am a bit ashamed of how I handled it. I don't know if I should have assaulted him or what. I have bashful bladder anyway.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was quite a while back. But he wasn't lurking in the restroom, he was lurking outside and followed me in (at a hasty trot, no less)! I don't know if that makes it better or worse :/ Luckily he did not steal my dry, non-peeing penis.
momomo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0 and 0. Often there are stall dividers that make it more or less impossible anyways.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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momomo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's true, "often" might be a stretch. Not to mention, a lot of them offer 0 coverage at all lol
Atlatica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very very few.
Most guys hold it in a way that the peripheral vision isn't good enough to distinguish a penis from the fingers holding it. So the only way to get any sort of a look is to tilt your head and stare right at it. The awkwardness and shame of being caught doing so simply isn't worth a glance at the tip of another man's flaccid cock.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:41:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If they have any sense, zero. You look everywhere but dick-level.
Maybe people look in San Francisco... but everywhere else, you don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.
rounced ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What does San Francisco have to do withOOOHHHHHHHH...
It can happen, yes. A story I've told here before. I was at a concert at a stadium. I guess the women's restrooms must have been full, with lines out the door. So I'm in the men's room, and about a half-dozen women walk in with the triumphant attitude that they'll take power, and pee in any restroom they damn well please. About 20 men were standing around peeing into a huge circular urinal with wangs fully exposed - kind of unusual - I'd never seen one like that before. The men looked surprised that women were there, but didn't really care much. After a few seconds, the women turned pale, looked totally grossed out, and left.
Batspank ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:56:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I ever saw one of those circular urinals was at Ralph Wilson stadium in Buffalo late 70's. I thought it was a fountain to wash your hands. Dad and brother still wont let me ever forget that day dammit.
Can't hear the audio here on my work computer. What country has TV channel 105? ...sounds like FM radio.
The_Blog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:09:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is this video of a guy getting surprised interviewed at an open air concert and he tries to play it cool and wash his hands while talking and ends up washing them in a urinal. He notices halfway through, says Shit and the reporter and cameraman start laughing.
I might have made the same mistake, but there were men standing around peeing in it when I got there. I have seen a few circular sinks with multiple faucets that are similar in design. They should probably post a sign, or something. "Pee Here"..."Wash Hands Here."
Happens occasionally, but not normally. I remember the last time I happened to catch a glimpse of one because the thing looked like a fucking can of Coke, but made of flesh.
Worse still is when the coworker peeing next to you starts talking to you like it's the goddamned [??? where exactly is it considered socially acceptable for two fully clothed men to engage in small talk with their penises out?]. But if you just ignore them then you're the asshole.
I've been told that even hetero men occasionally look over at the guy next to them to compare penis size.
I personally don't do that because I want to live under the illusion that mine is the largest.
laccro ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:44:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also do my best to avoid any sightings, except for this one time... I was trying to stare at the wall straight ahead but this dude whipped a baby arm out of his pants, so gargantuan, that my peripheral vision caused me to flinch backwards.
It was super awkward because there were only the 2 urinals and he clearly saw me flinch...
The_Blog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget when for some reason you can't pee, like the urine won't come out and you are just staring at your dick with people left and right peeing. That one is always really awkward for me.
When I was young, inability to pee was usually due to the ingestion of various kinds of "uppers." But as I've gotten older, it's the natural order of things.
slanid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PRMan99 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:23:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a thing. We don't have enough stalls at work. I waited a long time (over 10 minutes) for this guy. Finally, I huffed, went over to the door and opened it.
Then like a ninja, I stayed in the bathroom. When he opened the stall, I gave him a look of judgment like you can't believe.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:18:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god do I have a story. Went into a Target bathroom like 2 years ago to take a leak. This dad is sitting by the sink looking worried while his son (little kid) is constipated and screaming for his dad to help him get the poop out of him. I look at the dad do one of those "pffffft... Ahhahaha" laughs and he just starts laughing too at how awkward it was for me to walk in and hear that. Poor kid is upset and asking why his dad is laughing and still needs help pooping. 10/10 experience that I forget about until people talk about public restroom experiences. I try to avoid it myself since I'm very timid.
If that kid was anything like me at his age, that's the kind of stupid bullshit that will traumatize him for no good reason and he'll always resent his dad for something he couldn't do anything about.
Sorry LOL. Did I mention even at the age of 21 if I go into a public restroom and someone has an upset stomach and lets loose I just lose it and laugh maniacally? I'm laughing thinking about it now infact.
I definitely don't want to know who is making all the crazy noises in there. Sometimes you do find out who it is and it makes things awkward in real life.
Serious question for people who make loud moaning and groaning noises in public toilets...Can you honestly not keep quiet?
Can confirm, it's definitely worse when you know who it is. I kept hearing some dude wiping his ass like he was removing a stain from his clothes (well it's how I pictured it in my head, rub rub rub without folding the paper etc). I eventually saw them coming out of the stall and it's someone I worked with every day. Made it awkward as fuck. Not like I can just come out and ask him why he wipes his butt like he's polishing.
And presumably giving yourself a nice tender butt hole
The_Blog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that very rarely when there is basically nothing left, but I wanna get those last few and not waste too much toilet paper with basically nothing on it. But again only when it's almost done anyway, not before.
If you're moaning and groaning on routine, everyday bathroom trips, something's not quite right. You need to see a doctor or maybe eat more fiber and drink more water.
At the men's room at my office no one cares. They let loose with reckless abandon the second their ass hits the seat. I've heard things in there that no human should.
DJCzerny ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 17:39:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
just poop and moan and grunt.
Maybe grunting but I don't think I've heard moaning in the mens' room before.
Mafros99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I hate those shivers. You can stand in the urinal with your body rigid for 10 minutes and they'll still happen just as you walk out of the bathroom.
Ok maybe if youโve held it in too damn long... but in public? Youโre going to actually moan out loud because of your piss in the presence of other people?
boom149 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:21:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I heard moaning once. I really thought this dude was giving birth in the stall or something, nearly 5 full minutes of strained groaning while I waited for my friend to get out of the bathroom.
ajax6677 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I like to be helpful so I actually spent a few minutes searching for a glory hole finder app. The search results gave me a Jesus wallpaper so I think it was trying to tell me something. Lol.
I only care if the bathroom is small. At my work, the bathroom has 7 stalls. If there's no one next to me then I'll just let it go. But I do wait until the sinks are clear before I go out. Oh and I purposely go to a different floor to shit so my coworkers don't know it's me (recognize my shoes)
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my job there are lots of stalls.
I swear every time I need to go, the next person to come in settles down in the stall directly next to me. The bathroom is otherwise completely empty. What the fuck!
There's always that person! I had a lady go into the stall right next to me and take a diarrhea shit. I think I said "come on!!!!" out loud, hurried up and left
There are about 7 stalls and 3 urinals at my work, today the bathroom was empty and I was sitting in the last stall, someone came in, walked to the only stall with a closed door (mine) knocked, knocked again when I didn't answer (because fuck off, there's 6 other empty stalls), when I replied "occupied" he goes into the stall next to mine.
And he was just there to take a piss.
Seriously dude? There's 9 other spots you could take and you knock on the only closed door?
I'm one of those people. I need to have someone near me when I shit. It's a comfort thing.
blay12 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:17:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bathroom size and your own identifiability is a key element. I used to work in a large corporate high-rise with a shared bathroom for the floor (our company of ~150 people and one other on the opposite side). The bathroom was huge (15 stalls, 10 urinals or something like that), and I never had any sort of anxiety about taking a shit in there because even if someone heard me, they either wouldn't be able to know it was me or they just wouldn't even know me (different section of my office or different company).
Current company has 20 people, and the mens room in the main office has one stall and one urinal. On top of that, sound (and smells, if they're bad enough) travels out of the bathroom to the 2 offices directly across the hall. It's literally the worst situation ever, and I didn't take a shit at work for the first year or so that I worked there.
Now we've expanded our connected warehouse though, and one of the warehouse spaces we picked up used to be a gym. It's 4 large warehouse bays away from any offices (a solid 50-100 yards through 4 walls/doors), and in the far back corner (literally the absolute farthest you can be away from any office in our building) are 3 completely private single-person bathrooms, complete with loud fans you can switch on and off. It's like heaven, especially compared to how it was earlier. Now, everyone knows that if you're going to one of those you're going to take a shit, but I don't care at all now bc no one will hear it or smell it and know that I chose poorly at dinner the night before.
I was in the lady's room at work, sitting next to a stall with grunting and straining noises. I was disgusted and curious so I leaned over a little bit and caught a glimpse of her high heels. They belonged to the prettiest, most prim and proper woman in the building. Every time I saw her after that, I thought about her pooping.
My IBS over rides any polite bathroom sounds or smells. I just remind my self this place is here for the sole reason to remove solid and liquid waste from the body. We all know that some sounds and smells are a part of that.
I will still do a courtesy flush because my god the things that come out of me are vile.
I hid in a bathroom stall for like 20 minutes once at a rave because I had been drinking and dancing and it could not wait, so I took a poo and listened to a bunch of chicks walk in one after another saying "OMFG it STINKS in here!!!!"
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:20:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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disqeau ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:27:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. Lived in college dorms with shared public bathrooms for 4 years. I would sit there for ages holding it in after someone came in like, bitch I was here first, you flush and leave and come back later like nothing weird happened. I would time it to come back to the dorm when no one was around or go in a never used bathroom in one of my class buildings. Got to be a pro at it. Eventually I think I realized how much time I was wasting and just thought fuck it, let them hear you poop. The only thing k wouldn't do was leave when someone was still there. I didn't want to be remembered by that person as 'oh that's the girl I listened poo that one time.'
Its 100% a thing. My office's bathroom has about 6 stalls. If someone decides to sit in the stall next to mine I'm going to cut my pooping time short and gtfo out of there lmao. It makes it really hard for me to poop when there is a dude right next to me destroying a toilet.
Your bf is full of shit. Everybody poops. Some people are shy poopers, and some people want everyone in the tri-county area to know that they had 7 tacos from a street vendor. This applies to both men and women.
gurg2k1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:29:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a guy and this is a thing in the men's room. I need either complete privacy or a full bathroom. Me and one or two other people is a no go situation.
Itโs 3 am and my dad wakes up at odd hours to use the restroom. Heโd make weird noises (groans, grunts, pants, & this khekhekhe throat clearing noise). I stopped letting him use my bathroom as it would wake me up and be very annoying (bathroom is actually in my room. This was before I had a locked door).
Plus when heโd go, place would be a mess. Water/toilet paper everywhere & it smelled of shit. That also got me annoyed.
I'm a guy and I drop massive shits so yeah it's kinda embarrassing knowing I walked into a store bathroom and just nuked that shit with someone sitting 3 feet away. I tried to hold off but sometimes I can't and that shit just goes nuclear.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:05:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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wcdma ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:54:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I'm sitting here wondering. Between the reports of crazy bathroom grunting and the seemingly huge amount of time these people seem to take sitting on the toilet I've decided it must just be an american thing?
Hell, in my job the toilets are oddly close to each other even though they're in the divider, so half the time I'm too anxious to use it even if there's a person in the other stall period.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know that the bathroom is a room that we, as a society, decided it was ok to poop in, right? That is literally what the room was made for and you're embarrassed about it?
I had to take a dump and there was another lady in the stall next to mine taking a dump. We sat there in silence, I didn't want to hear her poop or have her hear me poop. So I played a YouTube. All I know is once she was done she ran out without washing her hands. That was gross.
Yea its def a thing in the mens room. I hate it when people talk to me when im pissing, let alone hear me dropping some epic duece. So i just sit there on reddit waiting them to leave. Fucking assholes.
my bf doesn't get it. he says this is not a thing in the mens room.
In my experience, I'm usually the outlier being the shy one and most other dudes don't care at all.
At my old job where I was working 10-12hr shifts I started out shy but inevitably I stopped caring after hearing my coworkers blow ass for the 1000th time.
It didn't help that a lot of us ate from a shitty little taco truck and we'd drown the bland meat in hot sauce.
I call this the ninja poop. The only reason I even started pooping at work was because I couldnโt leave for 2-3 hours to make it home and back. It used to be great when I lived like 15 minutes from work and could run home at lunchtime.
eww10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is mental thing. I used to be obsessed with the same things, with sounds, awkwardness and while on period with leaving any marks etc. Now I just don't care. We all do the same things and it's amazing how when you're finally comfortable and confident you can make other people in the bathroom uncomfortable with one stare!:)
gustyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm trans, I've been in both ladies and mens bathrooms. I've experienced the poo sit-off in both. Its a universal experience that transcends bathrooms.
erlehr13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a public school teacher and I came into the teachers bathroom after school one day just to pee and was down in one of the end stalls. Another teacher came in just after I sat down and not knowing I was there gave the most vocal performance (from both ends) I have ever experienced, including muttering to herself about her to-do list and how much algebra 1 homework she still had to grade. I sat there afraid to breathe, just thinking how mortified I'd be if I were her and someone emerged from a stall down the way.
We have 130 teachers in our building, I have suspicions about which algebra 1 teacher it was but there are two close contenders... I avoid eye contact with both
Girls are crazy. We all shit and it all sounds the same. Why would I judge another guy for using the toilet for what it's for? It's not like guys can pretend we are tinkling in there, we have urinals for that. I've had guys congratulate me on a loud fart in the bathroom. Girls are in the stalls like Anne Frank.
I'm a guy but I do the same thing! I don't want to know who was making those noises and I don't want them to know who was hearing them. I really freaked out when I remembered that they can see my shoes and might be able to figure out who it was because of that.
Your bf is lying. We will make our shits as quiet as possible . The mens room is a VERY silent place. No one makes eye contact... no sound except zippers going up and down
I was at work and this showboat of a woman comes into the middle of three stalls (all empty), right ahead of me. I go to a stall next door and she takes a nasty but not desperate sounding dump. I was both awed and a little offended by her stall choice.
Japan is great for this problem because they have little speaker boxes in every toilet stall that play the sound of running water. Originally it was because Japan women were self conscious about others hearing them pee in public and would flush the toilet repeatedly as they went to the bathroom to mask the sound. But I've found it works great for whatever business you need to take care of in the restroom.
tyrosean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with your bf on this one. Earlier this year I was dumping out at work when I heard someone come in and go to the urinal so I carry on wiping up. The guy finishes up and goes to the sinks and I leave the stall around the same time. Once I open the door I make eye contact with him through the mirror and it's only Michael bloody Fassbender. We had a nice chat after that.
Didn't mention poop once.
but1616 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Japan, they are so serious about being awkward of hearing them potty (at least as women Idk about the mens room) that they have this thing called the Sound princess ๏ผalso generally known as a otohime - ใใจใฒใ or ้ณๅงซ๏ผ which you wave your hand over and it makes a flushing sound to mask the sound of you unleashing the demons within or flood gates.
Why is this a thing? Well years ago women were so embarassed of someone hearing them potty that they would flush the toilet to mask the sound everytime... Obviously, this wastes huge amounts of water so they come up with the Sound princess. To some it sounds obviously artificial so they will still flush anyway, but it has cut down on water wasting by a good percentage !
Ha. I was in the men's room at Penn Station during rush hour. The room was packed and there was a line of people out the door waiting for urinals and stalls. There was a stall that nobody was using because the door was completely ripped off, gone, no door at all. I had to drop a deuce badly so, yeah, I hopped in that stall and took a dump in front of twenty or so people rushing in and out of the bathroom. Honestly, I didn't care. I was soooo happy to let that one go before my ass exploded.
.
Leury29 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 17:50:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the trick. You sit there a bit and build up pressure. Before you can't hold it anymore you let it all go, all at once, while flushing! No one hears a thing. Then... Wipe, wipe. Followed by the "courtesy flush."
Or....I just go into a stall and sit and nap when work gets boring and I'm not needed....
This comment gave me life in the middle of a boring lecture.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:33:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to feel that way but now I don't give a shit. Well I did give a shit because I'm not waiting around to impress anyone by not going when I need to go.
Seriously people, just go if you need to go. It makes you look more awkward and self conscious if you sit there for 20 minutes. Fucking own it.
I used to feel this way. Not anymore. Everybody poops. Plus anyone who is looking at people's shoes to see who just took the monster shit in the bathroom is way weirder than me and my poop. Right? Right??
I used to struggle with this, but have learned to flush the toilet right as I'm about to poop so it hides my noises. Makes me feel more comfortable tbh.
Like big deal, everyone shits, no need to be overly-sensitive about the noises you make.
Rikolas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:03:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once had that awkward stand off between us 2 shitters. The other guy let out a rather loud, long, comedy-esq fart that echoed and I literally cracked up laughing, couldn't contain it, so he then laughed in retaliation and then I then laughed harder, and in my laugh, I farted too, so he then laughs at my fart and both of us are howling laughing while farting and shitting.
I no longer have problems shitting with someone else in the stall.
Burt343 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is too late but why don't they just play music in toilets to drown out any noise ๐ฅ
So my dad told me this story of how when my little brother was a toddler, he and my dad went into the bathroom together and in the next stall over, some dude was pooping or farting but it was like super loud noises and my brother burst out into laughter at the noises that were coming from this stranger in the next stall over.
Dydegu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs why you hit the flusher and let loose so they donโt hear.
I don't mind doing this, as long as I can finish and get outta the before they finish. As long as I maintain my anonymity, I don't care how loud and foul I am
Kootsiak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The noises that come out of my broken ass (IBS) would make everyone think my normal shits are a total asshole destruction. It's best for all involved that I reduce my public shittings and just suffer incredible pain until I know I can be alone.
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I poop at work a lot. This isn't true for most people there. No shame. No holding back. Just fecal barrages and no grasp of the concept of a simple COURTESY FLUSH! ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO MARINATE IN IT? WHY KEEP IT UNDER YOU FOR SO LONG? I AM WORKING MINE OUT STILL AND CAN'T BREATHE NOW!
Back in high school me and 2 other guys used to have a chew poo at lunch. We would to sit there for 25 minutes while chewing, shitting, and chatting. We were weirdly comfortable hearing each other shit every day for 3 years straight lol
Put headphones in an blare the music so you can't hear shit.
No pun intended
cittatva ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man! Own that shit! โUuuuuuuuung ploop oh yeah!โ Then you can confidently make eye contact and smile on your way out. โYeah, I made that shit my bitch.โ Theyโd die laughing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trust me. At my job (office job) people be sounding like cannons behind those doors. You can literally feel the tread marks being left in the bowl. I time my shits, and it is never at work. Too awkward. Avoid at all costs
Silound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it and own it. Nothing like sharing last night's double-habanero chicken curry with cucumber yogurt sauce, sauteed vegetables, cream cheese pastry, and bottle(s) of unpasteurized beer.
Bonus points if you have decent control over your colon trumpet and can make different ranges of sounds.
Cephied ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my old office building I would never poop on my floor. I'd go down a flight or two, but then would inevitably run into someone I knew on that floor and they'd be like "what ya doing down here?".
Most days I'd ride home on my scooter with a turtle head sticking out of my ass.
Reminds me of a time in senior year in high school some dude rushed into the bathroom closed the door and in 5 seconds all you could hear was: "AGHHHHHH FLRBTTTTTTTT......aghhhhh..... ahhhh"
That shit gave me a good laugh
blurio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speak for yourself, i try to poop even harder when someone's in the next stall. Assert dominance.
Used to be the same way until I HAD to take a shit in an infantry rifle range bathroom, sitting inches away from the next guy shitting with no divider. Our discussion was about the poisonous spiders that were beneath us in the open sewer and our situation being on the crazy side.
I combat this feeling of awkwardness by telling myself that I'm asserting dominance by shitting. The louder, the better, like my ass is saying, "Yeah, you listen to the flow of my bodily waste! This is MY bathroom, bitch!"
A coworker of mine used to bitch about this all the time so I started making a point of noticing when he would go to the bathroom and would often go shortly after and sit in the stall next to him (I could see his shoes under the door). I did this to him for something like 3 years before I told him. He says it's the most evil thing anyone has ever done to him. Had a good laugh.
I used to freeze up and play the waiting game, until a friend and coworker sat down in the stall next to me. I recognized her shoes and straight up asked her if she was here to poop. She was. So I said, "Look Stef, let's both go for it on the count of three."
I have no trouble shitting in the presence of other people now.
Me too. We're like sharing a stream of conscious. Similar to how animals in captivity will learn traits or tricks taught to other animals of the same species without ever being introduced.
terkla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ol' Shy Shitter Showdown.
Ginger_1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:30:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, the battle of the poop wills. This can be a tricky game though, trying to wait it out has resulted in some rather explosive and far more embarrassing situations, when your poop-chute gives out... and then you have to sit and count stallmates and make sure there is no one left in the bathroom that can identify you as the person playing the butt-bugle in stall 3.
Reavie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Typically I just release the valve and let it go, but then I make sure I can get out without being seen by my poop pals, which to me seems like the best of both worlds. I only wait though if it's a place where I might know them; freeway rest stop patrons beware.
Ginger_1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:43:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't know anybody, there's no shame. I'm just going to let it happen.
Did this once, except I dropped my phone and it slid out of the stall. So not only did I have to look the person in the eye, but I had to ask for my phone back.
My roommate and I refer to this as the shit stalemate. Oldest trick in the book...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:20:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an international crisis that needs to be addressed. I'm tired of these battles, since I usually lose and either get up and leave or unleash an embarrassing fury of fire and shit.
Yea in my office - stall meetings are a thing - you are arguably in a position of power when you're negotiating with someone pinching one off - in the vice Versa position - I can also let the demons loose if my boss makes a pain in the ass request
Oh God....itโs the patient poopers. My sister will wait you out until the end at work. I donโt care, I poop, clean up, wash my hands and on to something else as there is still complete silence in the two other stalls in the rest room.
Sometimes I sit in silence even when I donโt have to poop because I wanna see how long the other person will wait before just shitting already! I mean, what else do I have to do on a break at work?
So I normally work out of an office in another suburban part of town; however, my company is switching computer systems so everyone is taking turns going to training at headquarters downtown. After lunch, my stomach started cramping really bad. I was able to wait until the end of the day for anything unholy to happen, but I knew I wouldn't make the drive home. So I rushed into the first floor ladies room and barely made it into a stall before all burning hell let loose.
Right I sat, my boss walks in on her phone, hangs up and goes into the stall next to me. Normally if I were at my own office I'd let nature call, but this woman has the direct power to determine what happens with my career. Like if I ever want a raise or a promotion or a recommendation or to just not be fired, then it's probably a good idea to keep her happy.
I've never clenched so hard in my life. I thought I was going to faint.
I think though she was didn't like to use the bathroom with other people because I swear she sat there silently for what felt like hours but what was probably like five minutes.
I could only imagine one outcome: passing out pants down and falling off the toilet. My poor sphincter unable to hold back any more letting loose, would spill like the Hoover Damn meeting the world's supply of dynamite.
Eventually she left and the gates of hell unleashed their fiery lava. But that was the most intense Mexican standoff I've ever had.
I worked at a place where the toilet was so fucking low and awkwardly vortexed that the second you sat down your ass was forcefully spread open and every single bit of air in your body was instantly evacuated and the shape of a toilet was like an echo chamber of acoustics. I would have to hold back giggling every time I peed and someone else went in the stall
I used to do that at work but then I started bringing my ipod with me. Now I just turn up the music really loud and proceed to rip ass without shame. If I can't hear it, no one can!
Whilst we're talking about weird things we all apparently do in the bathroom stalls but never really acknowledge, does anyone else ever get worried that someone will open the door whilst you're in there?
Like, you know you locked it, but sometimes when the toilet is busy people will try the door just to see if it's occupied, and then you just kind of lunge for the inside handle... but it's okay, because you locked it. But you still lunge every time, just in case this is the one time you forgot.
I'm pretty certain I'm the secondary guy at this exact moment. I walked in and there's been radio silence from the other stall, even though I can see the dude's shoes and hear him shifting around. I feel so powerful
This is maddening because after 10 minutes I want to give up and leave, but I am now worried he might want to do the same thing, and then we might have to see each other and make small talk or something. So do I risk going out now, or just continue to wait him out?
One guy who works in my building seems to always end up in the stall next to me just seconds after I sat down on the toilet. He always watches YouTube videos with the volume up and vapes he shits, while I desperately wish he would leave so I can let the beer shits loose.
I usually bear down harder and let it blast. That way i can make it out of the bathroom before the other person seeing me, and they get to deal with my destructive wake instead of the other way around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is usually me, but earlier this week a student came in, sat in the next stall, (I work at a university) and he was was actively singing to kpop from his headphones while furiously taking a dump.
Checkmate. Iโve never wiped so fast in my life.
matt0707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had this happen to me but the bathroom had 5 or 10 minute timed sensor lights. About 10 minutes into the battle we were both left in pitch black darkness. THAT was awkward.
I made up my mind that when this happens I just give up all shame and shit with abandon. 9/10 times the other person is freed from their societal bond and harmonizes in a great cacophony.
Especially cause my previous job had these bullshit saloon doors with lots of space at the bottom and top. You could here every vibration the moist buttholes of your pooping colleagues were making in the other stalls. Who the fuck comes up with those bullshit doors?
TK-427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our work bathroom is a dead zone with no wifi.
I also somehow manage to time my morning coffee poop for the exact moment the cleaning crew is in there.
match_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If someone else comes in and I'm on the can, I'll give them a brief period of time to take care of their business.
But if I feel they are milling about and not really making an effort to sensibly vacate the restroom, I will unleash hell upon them. I'm talking a double pumping, cheek flapping, anus whistling, dive for cover-judgement day is nigh upon you, bowel movement.
I am King of the Commode. My judgement is swift. My wrath, complete.
This isn't poop related, but there's this bathroom at the (tiny) school I went to that was a weird undefined unisex bathroom with two stalls. It's late and no one's around so I go to stall A, and right when I'm about to flush, in walks a female staff person to sit in stall B. I'm a guy so this is particularly awkward, but rather than just get it over and done with, she takes a phone call for 5 minutes...
I don't think I've ever breathed less for a full 10 minutes in my life
bitsy88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assert dominance. Poop first. Added bonus, you get done first so if someone else comes in while you're washing your hands, the person still pooping is blamed for the whole ungodly stench. Nothing more embarrassing than stinking up a bathroom only to have someone come in before you flee the crime scene, make eye contact, and know you made that foul odor.
PoopNow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put a couple of sheets of toilet paper in the bowl before you poop. It quiets the sound, there's no splash, and it keeps the toilet clean. The only problem is if you use too much toilet paper overall, you might clog it. You really need to be good at guessing your pre and post poop toilet paper ratios.
BLAHFUK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went in bathroom to poop at work 2 weeks ago (new job too), someone else who works there (employee only area) came in the bathroom crying talking on the phone in Spanish. I know some Spanish but this was really fast crying Spanish and I didn't understand any of it. Felt like forever for her to leave.
My go-to in these moments is to break the tension with a 10 hour YouTube video of all kinds of fart noises. They laugh, I laugh, we both feel better and wipe our butts. Not each others' butts tho.
You've just got to three-stage it: When you enter the cubicle, wait until anyone who saw you enter the cubicle has left. Commence shitting. Then wait until anyone who heard you shit has left before exiting the stall.
It's ok for people to hear you shit if they can't pick you out of a line up afterwards.
I've been blessed with severe IBS so I've mastered getting my shit done. I just flush when things gets rowdy, but my evacuation is fairly speedy. Honestly I've had enough sit offs in public restrooms and I am over it.
If someone else comes in to poop, it's your duty to finish as quickly as possible, even if that means making noise. You can wash your hands while they wait for you to leave, and they can start pooping, now you've made the first splash.
People at my office do this, but its worse because they don't observe the buffer zone. They seem to go out of there way to shit right next to me. There are closer stalls, but they'll go to the one right beside mine. Why??
Why does it seem like being a shy pooper is the norm? I might not like going in public restrooms but when I do I destroy them almost immediately. Iโm that guy you hear blasting off, and Iโm fucking proud of that.
[deleted] ยท 2953 points ยท Posted at 15:57:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, I do that like once a week.
[deleted] ยท 1356 points ยท Posted at 16:15:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"From the smell of Jim's load it was definitely taco night last night at his house and from the taste in the air he used a turkey substitute"
K242 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today, some dude busted into the stall next to mine and as soon as hits trousers hit the floor, there was a disturbing splattering sound. He continued to strain while breathing extremely heavily and making strange whimpering/moaning sounds. Surprisingly, it didn't smell that bad. He was wearing some nice shoes. Maybe he ate something bad.
At my old job there was only one bathroom for 8 guys... We had a poop log.
Smokeya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have to get pictures of their shoes as well to put next to the notes like their profile icons. Then name them something like shit smelt like "two day old taco bell".
Get professional with it and youll get far in life!
Thereโs actually a guy at my work that โshitsโ like six times a day. It seems like he intentionally waits until I go to the bathroom, sneaks in after Iโm in a stall and then tells me about how my shit stinks.
snikrz70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to help an elderly gentleman at work (nursing home) the other night. He is usually able to make it to the restroom on his own, but he didn't this time. As I was cleaning him up he says "Whoo-wee that stinks!"
I couldn't help but laugh and said "Well, did you think it was going to smell like roses?"
I hope he has a good sense of humor.
It's an unreasonable personal shame. I know everyone does it, I'd still prefer to be courteous to not put someone through my rapid fire jailbreak or whatever the shit of that particular day is, and I'd rather just be alone to do that.
Sure, we all have to shit. Some of us just don't want to look people in the eye after doing it in front of them.
The bathrooms at the Four Seasons in Baltimore, MD are their own little enclosed rooms with a fan, real wood for the walls and door. If I ever needed extra incentive to be rich, that would be it. Honestly, I'd settle for a bathroom where people can't see me through the huge gaps in the door and my pants and feet aren't on public display. Who the fuck made those stalls thinking that was a fucking brilliant idea. I'd attack his/her family and descendants if I couldn't get to them.
Maybe so people know if someone is in there? or for water to not build up? Or so you can slide under if there's an emergency and the stall door jams? I'm not sure. I'm just shitballin' here.
MyShout ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:30:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or because all of the above, and it's fuckin' cheaper.
I had a baaaad one last week and of course our bathrooms are right next to the loading bay and that day was catchup day for the stockers/managers i guess. I don't think anybody heard but it was bad. Then again nobody ever suspects the janitor of dropping a stink nuke
Heck with that. Be proud. What feels better than wrapping up a good shit? Or maybe it was a grueling session that leaves you feeling like you've won some kind of serious struggle. Barely won, but hey any crash you walk away from right? You triumphed. Wear it proudly on your sleeve* instead of hiding it shamefully. Lock eyes, and know that you feel better now that it's done than most people will all day.
*don't literally do this. Flush it down you shitsmeared whackadoo.
And others are telling you they are. There's two camps, and you'll never know if that guy washing his hands as you exit the stall is judging you or not. Best just to wait.
Wouldn't it be "best" to not live your life in fear of others judging you for doing something literally every human being does on an almost-daily basis?
I dunno, I once had someone in a public restroom rant at me for three solid minutes from outside my stall because she was offended by the smell of my shit. Ten seconds in, I resolved to stay hidden in the stall for as long as it took for her to get tired of it and leave.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear to God there is an unspoken rule in my town that nobody can take a shit in a public restroom. I am the only one who's ever done it. I've never gone into a shit-smelling public restroom in this town and I've lived here for years. But I'm not from here, so I didn't get the memo.
I do this often at work. It's not about what I did in the stall but for some reason, thinking about someone else watching me wash my hands gives me anxiety. Like after 26 years I'll find out that I'm doing it wrong? I don't know, man but this is a thing I deal with. It's hell when the bathroom is busy.
I care, and constantly judge the horrific sounds emanating from the stalls when I have to take go into the bathroom at work. Sometimes I even tell other people about them. "Honey, I swear, it sounded like machine gun fire."
Edit: This is also why I never shit in public, and when I do, I will wait 10 minutes if I have to in order to make sure that I don't leave while sometime else is in there.
mattBJM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a place where our area was the only one with a single-person accessible restroom instead of the ones with tiny stalls (old building). People would come from other departments to shit in it. The person who sat within view of it would keep data and share it with the rest of us.
Exactly. Even if it's abysmally noisy and stinky - you know, everyone does it, and even if mine today is stealthy and polite, the day will come when mine is shockingly aggressive. In all my years of wasting time in the shitter at work, only once has someone else's business been worthy of notice - a guy who let fly with a non-stop braying of flatulence that just went on and on without pause. Like, far longer than if you had inhaled a deep breath and were making fart noises for as long as you possibly can. I was astonished - unaware that the human intestinal tract could hold that much air, and deeply concerned for the person who'd managed to pack it so full.
Other than that? Do your business, captain, no one cares.
What if I had the beer shits and couldn't help but letting all hell loose while my boss is in the stall next to me? I don't need that kind of judgement. I mean, the judgement is going to happen, I just don't need to be confronted by it while I'm washing my hands.
Itโs not the fact that you took a shit that youโre hiding from, itโs the details of your shit. Noises youโve made, smells, flush success, and time taken are all embarrassing variables.
Dude, one time in 2nd grade I'd recently started holding in my farts instead of letting rip whenever. So at some point I went to the washroom, and right as I sit down, some other guys come in to the washroom and start talking. Now, I'm holding in a massive fart comprised of other, smaller, farts that I've held in, and these 2 guys are just chatting away. I manage to hold for like 10 seconds, and then just let rip. I think it was the largest fart I'd ever had at that point in my life.
One guy just yells "THAT'S DISGUSTING!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When someone else is in a stall in the bathroom on the floor of my office building I go down a floor, I work on the fifth floor and have made it to the basement.
I remember in grade school the stall I was using ran out of toilet paper so I had to crawl underneath to the next stall to get toilet paper. It was so traumatizing.
boom149 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:31:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For the first few years of elementary school, my school didn't have toilet paper in the stalls and just had one big roll by the sinks that you had to take from before you went in. I'd always forget and have to ask kids on the outside to pass me some from under the stall door. We actually had a whole system where two kids would pair up and take turns holding the other's stall door closed while they went (a lot of the doors were semi-broken) and passing them TP when needed.
The teachers were totally baffled by this and started telling us not to do it. Those bastards with their single bathrooms didn't understand that it was necessary, lol.
Yeah you're right. Lying inbetween stalls with your trousers round your ankles flopping around like a shitty arsed trout is a much less awkward encounter.
I did that once as a child in a Red Lobster, right as an old lady was walking into the stall. Iโve since moved and that was years and years ago but Iโve never eaten at a Red Lobster since
sirreldar ยท 1386 points ยท Posted at 17:10:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into a bathroom once and i knew it was going to be explosive (but not urgent). I was praying it would be mostly empty. It was completely packed. There was one open stall, one open urinal, and a line for the sinks. I made a quick assessment and decided I could hold it for ten minutes. But of course, how weird would I look if I just walked into a bathroom and walked out? So i went to the urinal where i stood there for 10 seconds, waited in line to wash my hands, and came back later.
LOL I would have leapt into the open stall and taken an absolute monster farting shit that sounds like someone dumping meat into a pond and cleared the fucking bathroom. Then I don't have to wait for the sink.
I work in a large office building. The first floor restrooms serve about 1/3 the population that the upper floors do. I routinely go to first floor to take a dump because it's the only place I can do it in peace.
As a person who works on the first floor in a similar setup....I hate you. Like clockwork, every day people from the upper floors slink down in order to take the most ass-plosive shits, then quickly scurry back upstairs leaving us poor bastards below to deal with the horrible aftermath.
Oh man I'm laughing my ass off. I worked on the 2nd floor for a few years, and would walk to the basement bathrooms attached to the gym just to take dumps. Sometimes I'd stop half way next to the lobby on the first floor.
bg-j38 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work for a big company and our campus has like 30 buildings. It can get pretty cut throat finding a toilet especially about an hour after lunch. There's always some floors of buildings that are empty due to the normal movement of teams as facilities shifts people around as they grow and shrink. I routinely search through our employee directory to find floors that are currently empty or mostly empty so I can go poop in peace. I've walked a few blocks to get to the perfect bathroom.
I'm located at the company HQ but it's just one building, so all I have to do is keep going up another flight of stairs if the current one has unsatisfactory restrooms. (I could wander around the floor, but that runs the risk of running into random colleagues. Easier to just check the restrooms near the stairwell.)
Same, I take several flights of stairs up (bonus exercise for my middleaged ass) and use the sales team's restroom (they have a floor all to themselves, but they're almost never in the office). Of course i make sure to leave the place as pristine as i found it, you never want to fuck up a good thing.
I mean, I visited the warehouse guys' restroom once. Once was enough.
It's so true! The first floor usually has an internal toilet that staff use, plus an external toilet for visitors that requires an access card or something, but no-one really uses.
Sometimes I'll duck into an stall for 10 seconds to adjust my bra strap or something. Afterwards, I always go the sink and wash my hands, just because I don't want to be that person that leaves the stall and walks out of the restroom without washing my hands.
I probably would have taken the stall and awkwardly held it until the bathroom cleared out. At least then you can just scroll reddit/Facebook while you wait. Hell, you could put some headphones in and watch something on Netflix
This is why, when I need to deuce, I exclusively use one of the two bathrooms reserved for visitors. They're single serving affairs with privacy, marble everything, all the legroom you could imagine, a sink in there too, and even some mouth wash, mints, and air freshener.
It is my Shangri-La! And I have to go 4 floors away to get to it!
Heh, our visitors' loo is down on the lobby floor, and while it's great, you need to walk through the lobby to get to it. No bueno.
Instead i walk up to the sales' team's floor because they're practically never in, and use their loo. I try to keep it as pristine as I found it though, don't wanna screw up a good thing.
In that situation I'll stall at the urinal until everyone leaves or wash my hands for awhile if people are taking awhile. Once the last person leaves I'll turn around and go into the stall.
Ah man, I have a shy bladder, and if I'm tense from a long car ride or something it's even worse. So many times I've stood in front of a urinal for about 30 seconds, managed to piss two drops, decided the situation was too awkward/futile, and left.
To shit silently: put up the toilet seat, sit up straight so your ass is right above the water, don't push too hard. Let your poo break the surface tension of the water before it falls, thus eliminating noise.
The worst is when they're in their doing nothing the whole time then get up to leave as soon as you're done. Wtf were you timing it out or something or taking a huge protein dump? /r/ForeverChest
goodwid ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:05:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naw, man, what's worse is when they recognize you by your footwear and strike up a conversation. Or even "Jesus goodwid, what did you eat? that's awful!" Fuckin salesmen.
I hate this, it's akin to arriving at a 4-way intersection at the same time as others. Happens way too much in my life
jdrc07 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:39:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was using a public bathroom, and there was only one shitter, and one urinal. So I walk in and take a seat on the shitter, and another guy walks in behind me.
This fuckin mongaloid had to shit too apparently, so he decided to wait INSIDE the fucking restroom for me to finish. First couple minutes I pondered my situation, I was honestly about to pretend to wipe and then exit the bathroom without shitting because I didn't want to disgrace myself by shitting loudly in front of an audience.
Then finally at some point I thought to myself, "Fuck this guy, if he wants to be here for this, then so be it".
The Taco Bell ass massacre that ensued eventually forced this asshole leave the restroom and wait outside where he belonged. I was very proud of my display of dominance afterwards.
That's just bathroom code. It's either that or you have to swagger on out with total confidence and make eye contact with every single person in there.
__celli ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 16:25:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL bathrooms are much more complex than just a place to dump my piss and shit.
Yea, at concerts they are a place to score drugs too. To clarify I wouldnt buy them in a bathroom, I bring my own lol but still have seen so many drug dealers in bathrooms at concerts.
__celli ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to buy them on the patio. Until I was given a heavy dose of GHB instead of Molly.... from that point forward, I bring my own drugs lol.
Yep. My work bathrooms have only two stalls. When I'm in there and someone plops down next to me and just lets all the demons rip out of their unholy hole, I can't help but think "what is wrong with this savage? Does he not know the code?"
Then again, sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go.
schwagle ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:42:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a big difference between having to shit really bad, and making noise like you're a whale giving birth while you do so.
I was a lotlike OP. Often waited in the stall until the room was well clear. But as time went on, I figured this was a bit silly. Do you remember any interaction you had in the bathroom with any coworker 2 weeks ago? No, nobody does. So why the hell should I be intimidated by something that nobody cares enough to remember?
Now if someone's washing their hands, and I'm finished wiping my ass I just leave the stall, say top o' the morning, wash my hands and move along... It's very liberating.
Gotta keep prunes at the ready whenever i need to travel
szparto ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:41:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few days ago I was in a public bathroom trying to take a shit. I got in and sat on the toilet. There was a metal thingy on the floor so I could see the person next to me. I saw movement so I decided to wait until they finish and get out. This dude literally sat there for 20 god damn minutes not even making a single sound. I accepted defeat and got out without shitting
When I was young, I went on a field trip with my class, but on the bus ride home I wet myself.
Rather than embarrassing myself in front of the teacher and other kids, I snuck away to a bathroom and cried in the cubicle for what I thought was a few minutes
When I eventually came out, the janitor was cleaning the hallway and stared at me really confused
I walked to the school office to get them to call my mum and they promptly told me that it was 2 hour after school close and my mum had visited the school several times to try to find me
I had cried in the toilets for hours because I didn't want to tell the teacher I'd wet myself. Even though I'm sure the teachers were probably prepared for the possibility of children needing a change of underwear
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:45:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never understood this phobia. Own that shit. Literally. It's the only place to do it and we all know what's going on in there...
One time a fancy middle aged lady came out of the stall and went 'oh, sorry about that giant fart, I didn't mean to rip out of my pants like that!'. I thought she was a hero and after that I started caring a lot less about shitting in a public bathroom. If she can do it then so can I.
And like, what is this stranger that you will never see again going to do? Grimace at how smelly your shit is? I could maybe understand in a coed bathroom.
sunnycmg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:29:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd actually be more comfortable with taking a dump in a coed bathroom like hey guys I bet my shit is worse than yours
People at bars would probably do a lot less hooking up. Imagine having a hottie walking toward you, your mouth is dry, sweat forming on your brow, she's a few steps closer, and OH FUCK! IT'S THAT CHICK WHOSE SHIT WAS LIKE A DEAD ANTELOPE BEING DIGESTED BY THE SARLAC PIT AND TURNED INTO LIQUID DIARRHEA THAT WAS REFRIED AND CONSUMED AGAIN AND THEN BURST OUT OF HER ANUS AS SHE HORKED AND GRUNTED AND...
sunnycmg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See you'd think but they still hook up after watching each other flirt with their friends, fall over drunk, puke in the bushes, and get kicked out of clubs. I think coed bathrooms are just icing on the shit cake
On a related note, I poop in between other peoples flushes and hand dryer uses while Iโm pubic restrooms. Takes way too long but I donโt want people to know itโs me blowing it up.
I once tried to cough in a different accent so nobody knew it was me in the cubicle.
whompah ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:37:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have bathroom anxiety like this, now I have a coworker who not only shits at the exact same times I do, but talks to me during. At first I was mortified but it was like immersion therapy. I realized we all shit, and we all know what weโre there to do. I feel so liberated to be able to shit with ease regardless of the audience Iโm playing to.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:33:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this conversation with a friend who was embarrassed after pooping at my place; his siblings were there and one had made sure he was OK, which didn't help the embarrassment... I think my exact words were "On the one hand, I want to say that there's nothing wrong with it and that I'm not judging you for having to poop... but on the other hand, I will stop pooping if someone comes into a public bathroom while I'm mid-poop."
Haha I do this! I even take it further by flipping my badge around so nobody can see my name when my belt is around my ankles while doing the deed
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dont be embarrassed man. whenever im peeing in a urinal and there's someone pooping in a stall i'll fart really loudly so the person pooping doesn't feel so uncomfortable.
I did this, but it was the handicap stall and a wheelchair person came in. It was the only one left and I was seconds away from sharting cum and poop, instead I did it in the toilet, also got an accidental bidet from it.
Jesus fuckin' christ. This was me today, except, I'm pretty sure the other guy was in the same awkward boat. We sat in complete silence, side by side, for nearly 40 minutes until the fucker finally caved.
My legs fell asleep, but I FUCKING WON, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
Pseuzq ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:22:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just etiquette and respecting boundaries.
ailish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work with a woman who would flush every two seconds and apologize for the smell. That was even more awkward than just pooping.
Skajadeh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. Mainly because I am asked a lot of questions at my job on how things work. I have been accosted coming out of a toilet stall and being asked about how to program some of my companies hardware. Is it too much to ask to let me wash my hands first?
You ever go into the bathroom and hear someone just letting go? For whatever reason, someone who has diarrhea or is constipated makes me laugh my ass off. Fuck me I'm laughing now thinking about it. I'm part of the problem of why people are self conscious of public pooping. I imagine they feel terrible when they hear a complete stranger grasping for air laughing at their shitting noises and sighs/grunts.
Quasmo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The janitor at my office waited on me to finish. I waited for him to leave but then he started singing. He sang two songs and I just gave up.
Did this today. Needed to shit, got in there and a guy was in one stall. I took the other. I sat down and waited til he finished shitting and left the bathroom for me to start shitting.
I go to the bathroom and just hover over the seat practicing Lamaze breathing shit in the hopes that my performance anxiety will go away. Eventually I just flush the clean water out of obligation and pretend I went. Meanwhile my bladder has exploded.
I went to the bathroom and someone else came in but I was playing on my phone and didn't want to leave yet. After a few minutes I realized that if I left it would look super awkward since I hadn't made a sound the whole time. So I had to wait until she left, but she was applying makeup and was there for nearly half an hour. Finally she left and by the time I got out I had missed half of my next class...
Villike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's so jarring when someone doesn't do that. Like you're in there for 5 seconds, you're washing your hands and ready to leave, then they just come barreling out of the stall like they don't have a care in the world. It's like c'mon man, have some decency.
The real winners are the ones who do that and leave without washing their hands though...
My workplace only has one ladies' cubicle in a tiny bathroom that we share with the office next to ours. I'm also the only woman in my office while there are several in the company next door, so it adds another level of awkwardness that I can't bear.
Usually the other women don't come into the bathroom at all if the light is on (that's the signal that it's occupied) and will just wait for the occupant to come out before going in to do their business after them. I usually only encounter them one at a time and it's not an issue.
But... Once I chose a quiet time in the afternoon to go for a poop on company time, not realising that it was apparently the same time that the crew next door like to go for a communal break. Suddenly ALL of the ladies from the neighbouring company decided to ignore the light signal and pile into the tiny bathroom at once, laughing and gossiping with each other.
There must have been 7-8 of them, all standing directly outside my flimsy cubicle where I had, of course, already got started and couldn't casually style out as a brief visit. I had to hold the rest and come back later, and of course I had to open the door and go to wash my hands in front of all of these women looking at me expectantly, wondering what the hold up was.
The woman who entered after me made a big show of spraying air freshener around before closing the door too. It was a nightmare.
I had explosive diarrhea and accidentally went into the womenโs room at my college once. Stayed in there for half an hour just to time out leaving when no one else would be around.
My desk was right by the door to the bathroom, so if I went in everyone would know, and people would make comments about other people being in there long times. Furthermore there were only a few men on our floor, so you'd know who you were pooping with, especially as the old boys would drop massive 5 coffee-a-day bombs. It was weird, a very public thing, no privacy.
So, I started pooping on other floors. I found a bathroom on the ground floor that was neatly tucked away, plus since it was on a public floor it needed an access card to get in, so was rarely used. I did that for ages until people noticed and started making comments.
I'd then have situations where i'd need to go, and someone was in there so i'd do the mock piss thing at the urinal waiting for them to leave, and they wouldn't or someone else came in, so i'd leave. Which was very hard with IBS. It was not a good time.
dartuche ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. Especially when you shift your weight, someone comes in and you crack off a rolling thunder with a squeaky finish that reverberates the whole building. Don't want them to know who just deafened them, so I'll wait... and wait... until they leave first.
I did this at a wedding but the people didn't leave... I came out 25 minutes later to realise I was in the only functioning toilet. Oh the looks I was given
Heruuna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what's better: Having the entire public restroom to yourself for your poo, but fearing someone walking in at the wrong time, or having the restroom full of people all making noise to help cover up the sound of you pooping. I've been in both situations, and I'm still not sure.
Omg. I worked at a small community college. It was a particularly dead summer day on campus. I went to the bathroom to rip one off when someone else came in and sat in the next stall. I tried to control it so I wouldn't make any noise. I made the longest squeaker I have ever made and then couldn't stop giggling. The guy in the next stall noped out real quick.
Aegis_OW ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:32:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the worst when the other person gets done quickly but then STAYS TO DO THEIR MAKE-UP, it's like do you know what this room is????
Elcatro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:11:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this every single day, but honestly it's partly an excuse to browse Reddit on my phone.
One time that stands out though is when I entered a stall when one of the others was occupied and I didn't want to drop my payload until they were gone. Apparently they had the same thought so instead we both sat there in absolute silence for 15 minutes waiting for the other to leave. He won, I left in shame and as the door closed I heard the unholy sounds of his victory.
I had something similar but I waited 40 minutes until it turned out that the dude was some crusty old pervert and he shoved his dick under the stall
Now I'm terrified of public bathrooms :D EDIT: and then I punched his head off with a big wind up punch
I actually do this frequently. I've got some social anxiety and the bathroom is the place I go to escape people. So I'll just wait in the stall until it's empty. This only becomes a problem when a bunch of people come in right after me and there's a line.... then the guilt kicks in real bad.
darlini ยท 2727 points ยท Posted at 18:26:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was on my way to class when a girl I thought was incredibly annoying started trying to have a conversation with me. For some reason I decided to fake a cough and run into the bathroom to "get some tissues" and walked straight into the men's room where a guy was peeing at the urinal. I am not a man. So I slink out of the bathroom and walk to my classroom, sit down for class for a few minutes and realize I'm an hour early and walk out.
She saw the entire thing, minus the peeing, I assume.
So I slink out of the bathroom and walk to my classroom, sit down for class for a few minutes and realize I'm an hour early and walk out.
I once showed up to a (smallish) class I wasn't even in, about 15 minutes before the final. I had run there so I grabbed a chair in the front and sat there sweating and catching my breath. I noticed the guy next to me was staring at me nonstop. It seemed pretty rude. I realized I didn't recognize him at all, which seemed odd... I realized I didn't recognize anybody in the room... I realized it was the wrong fucking final. (Right room, wrong time/day entirely.)
I left as subtly as I could (since everyone was getting ready for the test, it wasn't really a social class where people got to know each other, and the prof wasn't there yet, nobody was speaking). Oh god it still hurts to remember.
This happened to me with one of my midterms. I walked into my classroom, sat down, took out my test booklet, then realized.. wait, that's not my professor. I got to my midterm 2 hours early so I booked it out the door with what I can only describe as this emoji ๐
One time at work I went into the men's room, totally noticed the urinals, thought "Huh, that's weird." went into a stall, peed, washed my hands, and left. There was no one else in the bathroom at that time. I thought nothing of it until later when I saw a little boy going into that bathroom and thought, "haha that kid is going into the women's roo- ... OHHHHH"
Did the same but in reverse, was at a gig in a football stadium. Needed the toilet was was walking around saw ladies room, so continued passed it and went into the next set of toilets assuming that it was the mens, because why wouldn't it be? Who would build two sets of ladies bathrooms next to each other?
Walked in, 'no urinals, weird. Well that stalls open'
Walked into the stall close the door.
......was that like 10 women looking at me funny then.....?
opens door again and looks out at roughly 10 perplexed women.
I think that makes it even better. Just imagine what she must have thought about the whole situation. You should have started a combo chain where every time she tried to talk to you you'd just do some weird shit like that in an obvious attempt to get away. Just keep trying to find that breaking point where it finally sets in...
Haha! I've done the same thing, twice. Both for the same reason. Every time my little brother needs to use the bathroom in public, I for some reason automatically think we have to go to the men's room, because he's a boy. The first time nobody saw but the second time was at a party at my dad's workplace, and three of his co-workers saw. I don't know which co-workers because I didn't look up from the floor the whole time.
Oh man, the lengths I went to avoiding the annoying kid in college. It was like he was drawn to me by some mystical force, and I was too nice to tell him to go away like everyone else did, so I learned his classes and would avoid those areas at those times...
But I like to think I earned a lot of karma by at least bring nice to him when he did hunt me down.
I wouldn't say this is awkward....you were just trying to rid yourself of an annoying girl
jrm2007 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:29:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not know what a "Ladie's Lounge" was and I was in a fancy hotel where there was sort of an outer room and even the door to that outer room was open and there were nice couches and I don't know what I was thinking but I went in. No one said anything but it took me about 10 seconds to realize where I was and I ran out. It really should not be so embarrassing but it was.
darlini ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:46:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, sheโs white and once said her white roommates were being a a bunch of n words (with a hard r) in front of 3 black girls she was doing a project with and acted like that was a totally normal thing to say.
I was about to say something similar, but I see you already got the downvotes I was likely to get. Thanks, friend :)
Back in school I was the unpopular girl who tried to befriend random groups who seemed cool to me, but they didn't seem interested. I wasn't too weird or anything, just quiet (I did have friends out of school). I felt that even if they didn't want to be my bffs, they could have at least been a bit nicer instead of looking for excuses to get away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:12 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, your real life has suffered, but you got an upvote from me. So, basically, you got nothing.
Walking into an office, ahead of a girl. I stopped and held the door open for her, so she walked in ahead of me. There was a long line inside. I didn't know if I should be ahead of her in line or she should be ahead of me. So I turned around and left.
In situations like that I always just wave the other person ahead of me. Itโs only one more person in front of you and it makes you look good no matter what.
The protocol is that they are then allowed to be in front of you in line, but good etiquette is that they will then offer the spot in front them instead. Not all people follow good etiquette. Also awkward is whether you should then accept their offer of the spot in front of them.
This has been my experience, though I don't pass any judgments if a spot ahead in line is not offered; the implication of holding the door open for you is that I am offering for you to enter and conduct your business ahead of me in the first place.
The correct answer is smacking my forehead repeatedly whilst muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid..." over and over.
cdsbigsby ยท 11692 points ยท Posted at 16:09:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was staying the night at a friend's house when I was around 10-11. Had to take a shit and when I was all done there was no toilet paper, an absolute nightmare. I checked under the sink, in the cabinet, everywhere. My friend was outside and the only people in the house with me were his mom and his older sister that I had a crush on. So I certainly couldn't shout out that I needed more toilet paper. So I weighed my options. Towels, or cotton balls.
So I wiped my ass with cotton balls.
SadCena ยท 1062 points ยท Posted at 18:08:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you flush the cotton balls?
cdsbigsby ยท 3196 points ยท Posted at 18:26:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Funny enough, I put them in the trash can and buried them in the trash that was already there. Later in the day my friend ended up finding it and blamed it on his other friend that was also there.
xModulus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:15:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he was the only other friend there, he knows for SURE it was you, since he's innocent.
Rikolas ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:00:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you. I once peed at a friend's house, flushed it, all of a suddenly water is filling the floor and flooding it. I didn't know what to do so left it and went upstairs and told my friend what happened. She didn't seem to care. Half an hour later her mum is shouting up the stairs "KIRA! WHO FLUSHED THE TOILET? IT'S LEAKING! SEND THEM DOWN HERE NOW" and proceeded to do this for like 5 minutes demanding to sacrifice the perp. I sat silent, Kira and the several others didn't rat me out. After literally 10 minutes of this, our friend Yaki has to go home so leaves. Kira seizes the opportunity and when her mum next says anything she says "MUM! He just left" and her mum immediately changed her tone to seem completely apologetic and sympathetic and said "oh nooo! poor guy. I didn't mean to scare him, I'm so sorry, I feel so bad, he didn't have to leave" etc.
To this day her mum still thinks it was Yaki and Yaki still doesn't know.
Was your friend digging through the trash looking for shit covered cottin balls or what? Digging through bathroom trash is a good way to get a handfull of bloody tampon or a wet rubber snake
Same situation, took a dump at a friend's house and ran out of toilet paper. I used a sock on the ground to finish wiping and simply tossed it behind the toilet. My friend called me out a few days later after his mom got pissed. I just laughed and maybe said sorry.
edit: was like a freshman in high school. have not done this since
One major thing I got from the course for medical assistant: just about any condition that doesn't have an obvious cause can be because of stress/anxiety. It's crazy, the paths your body will take to relieve stress, sometimes.
Unfortunately, it also means that people w rare or uncommon presentations of a condition sometimes get told "it's all in your head", until a new sign develops or insurance finally agrees to more advanced/nuanced testing/imaging. It becomes a numbers game: how expensive is continued testing vs. how likely is it to be rare but treatable, rare but untreatable, or stress?
It's a south park reference, but he didn't get the right character lol.
A running joke in the early seasons of the show was that one of the main characters (Stan Marsh if you wanna look this up) had a crush on a girl, but every time she talked to him, the nerves made him violently throw up. Much like your girlfriend apparently.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:18:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say - I used to throw up before dates sometimes because I was so nervous. Mom thought it was bulimia, but I was just really nervous. It stopped after I met my husband. I was never nervous around him, thatโs part of why I married him. Anyway, now that Iโve written a book, I hope you have a wonderful day, fellow redditor.
Dads101 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:22:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hershey squirts...haha ew come on
degjo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:37:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always have to shit whenever I walk into Fry's Electronics
PoopNow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:22:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get the nervous runs. If I'm nervous, I know the poop is happening and it won't be good.
Ugh, I get a nervous bowel around people I like too...
ashrae9 ยท 5440 points ยท Posted at 17:53:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once scooped my shit that wouldn't flush into a McDonalds cup, then gathered some other inconspicuous trash from upstairs to take out to the trash. This was at my in laws. My MIL intercepted me in the hall and offered to take the trash as she was headed downstairs. I had to awkwardly keep insisting I take it while holding it just out of her grasp. I eventually just snuck past and took it myself. It was mortifying.
Obligatory comment about how my best comment is about my massive dump I fished out of a toilet with a with a cup.
UPDATE: Told boyfriend of 10 years. This incident happened 8/9 years ago.
At this point, you just have to say "look lady, i shit in a McDonalds cup and now I have to dispose of it like a gentleman, now get the fuck out of the way"
ashrae9 ยท 3410 points ยท Posted at 19:47:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am female! But I'll be darned if I'm not a gentleman.
In a world with overflowed toilets, one redditor will make a difference, armed with nothing but a McDonalds cup and the will to survive awkward situations, this is SHIT TOTING GENTLEMAN WITH A VAGINA, coming to a theater near you, directed by Michael Bay
verello ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:48:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're battling your MIL with one arm and hauling your own shit in a cup in the other you've earned your honorary man card that day, vagina or no vagina.
It's amazing. The way you told the story made me immediately assume you were male because most shit-related misadventures on reddit seem to be told by males. Yet the fact that you're female made it funnier because people would expect it even less.
Seriously though, that's one funny story.
ashrae9 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:30:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, thank you. Believe it or not he and I are still together and I haven't told him about this misadventure. It probably happened like 8-9 years ago? I should tell him.
Assuming you're straight, but if you're a woman you could have left the shit in there and blamed your partner! Everyone knows women can't clog toilets.
ashrae9 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:35:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no. His family wouldve known it was me somehow and roasted me about it for eternity. Just the type of people they are. I was never gonna risk that.
MandiSue ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:23:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sshhhh! We can't break the illusion that we don't poop!
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like you can handle cool situations well. You should write a book of standards on delivering cool (and maybe heat if necessary).
ashrae9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:03:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Thank you so much for saying that. I absolutely do not think so. But I've heard that people with anxiety deal with bad situations well because they're always anticipating the worst possible scenario? I don't know if that's true but I have been known to remain cool as a cucumber during some crazy situations in my life. But God forbid I experience one minor issue. Instant tears. I'm unstable lol.
No, it was actually caused by Taco Bell - think outside the bun, scooped up in an ice cold bottle of Coca Cola, and all thanks to the power of Pepto Bismol. Yay!
but he DIDN'T shit in the cup... he shit in the toilet then scooped it up with the McDonald's cup. I think that makes it better.
Hobo124 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 21:26:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll be damned if mothers don't have a sense of when you need them to not interact with you. It's always when you're doing some absolutely embarrassing stuff that they suddenly become interested in your personal business and need to intervene.
My wife did this on a strangers sailboat in san diego 15 years ago before we were married. We found out the toilet was messed up as she just made the biggest turd. She came up from below with a turd sticking out of a red solo cup to throw it over board. This was daytime, maybe one beer in. We were on a strangers boat with one mutual friend who invited us since we were in town. I still married her or maybe because of it.
Once as a child I had a big turd that wouldn't flush at a friend's house so I wrapped it up in layers of tissue and toilet paper like some foul mummified burrito. Stashed it in a house plant for a moment then convinced my friend we should go outside and play. Smuggled it out in my bulky sweatshirt and tossed it into the woods
I had a shit that wouldnโt flush at my Girlfriendโs parentsโ house. I wound up flooding the bathroom when the toilet backed up, and had to walk out and tell her parents. They helped me clean it up.
Sheโs now my wife. Thankfully, they donโt still give me a hard time about it.
ashrae9 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:03:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Consider yourself lucky. My man's folks wouldve roasted me to a crisp over it. I will never tell them.
I took a shit in a Pringles can at a festival because I was so drunk I couldn't get out of my tent to use the portaloos, woke up the next morning with the can still in my tent (I had the common sense to put the lid back on) all my friends were already up and drinking again outside my tent.
I didn't want to get up and just walk off with a Pringles can full of shit so I unzipped my tent and just kinda stook my arm out and chucked it as far across the campsite as I could. Thankfully no one noticed.
ChaiHai ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:59:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bad. Some poor festival goer is gunna be like " Oooo Pringles-- OH HOLY JEEBUS AHHHHHHHH". And it will most likely be someone who is just as out of their mind as you were.
I feel sorry for whoever opened it. Although I'm sure it wasn't the worst thing that was done that weekend. What was worse was I had a half tube of Pringles on the ground outside my tent, I obviously poured them out before hand :(
You know she dug through the barrels that night to see what the fiend who took her baby from her was hiding.
602Zoo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:07:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have grabbed it bare handed like a bear catching a salmon, put it in the breast pocket of my sports coat, and walked out like techno Viking
ashrae9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:09:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit! I should've done that...
602Zoo ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:31:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You did awesome, it's easy for me to say what I woulda done from the comfort of my own toilet but you... You looked fear in the face and said "No it's ok, please let me take this trash out" without a second thought of how weird it could have gotten if she tried to wrestle it away from you and during the struggle shit flew everywhere...
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:58:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My whole life flashed before my eyes when I saw her come into the hall towards me. Let alone when she was leaning over to grab it. Oh hell no, I am not passing you my shit in a cup.
602Zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar scene in the movie Trainspotting with a much better outcome.
gah this reminds me of trainspotting when he shits the bed and insists on putting the sheets in the wash and they get in a tug of war match with shitty sheets.
ashrae9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:33:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God yes. It was almost that dramatic. She's really short so she kept reaching and I kept angling my body away. I'm usually super easy going so she was probably really confused at my insistence. Lol
I had to do this once. It was my brother-in-law I was too embarrassed to say anything in front of though. He lives in Jamaica and his water came from a big tank outside. When the water in the tank got too low the toilet wouldn't flush. Took a big dump and couldn't get it to go down. Scooped it out with my bare hands, gagging the whole time, and wrapped it in toilet paper. Helpfully took out the trash, despite his protests that the garbage wasn't full enough to take out. It was an adrenaline-pumping few minutes.
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:32:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was kinda hoping your MIL was gonna say she was thirsty and try to take a sip
ashrae9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:36:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Like American wedding when Stifler eats the dog shit and everyone thinks it's a truffle / Cadences mother keeps insisting he share. Oh god! Hahaha.
malbane ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:20:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did that in my ex's apartment but I didn't know where the dumpster was so I had to ask his roommates. It was mortifying.
BAL87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has been a long day and I am literally in tears laughing over this. Thank you.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too bad it didn't turn into a polite little wrestling match with you both tugging on the trash until your smuggled turd dumped out onto her new white carpet.
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:09:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is the exact image that popped into my head when we saw each other in that hallway.
Would be way more freaked out and grossed out to learn someone was carrying around poop in a cup instead of plunging the toilet. Everybody poops. Plunge that toilet with vigor!
ashrae9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:32:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who the heck doesn't keep a plunger in the bathroom??!! Crazy. Puffs of air must have came out when they sat on the toilet.
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a secondary bathroom (ugh) but still.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:35:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pooped at a friend's house. He didn't tell me the toilet was broken. Had to grab fireplace utensils to scoop the turd up into a coals scooper and carry it past the 4 other friends in the living room including 2 females to drop it in the toilet upstairs. Was not fun.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:56:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did anyone see you?!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:20:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes. They were wondering why I was bringing the fireplace tools into the bathroom.
Luckily for me, if there was anybody else besides family that I would have to choose to see my poop, it was these friends. The two guys have been my best friends for over 15 years at that point and the two girls were very tomboyish and there was no desire on my part to be anything more than friends with them so we had a good laugh about it but it was still quite embarrassing. No matter how good of friends you are with someone, you don't really want them to see your poop.
1deafvet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:18:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A generic McD paper cup, or a large plastic special themed "collectors" cup?
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My highest rated comment ever was a story about me wandering around naked and blind after i took a shower in the gym locker room at work and had one of the lenses in my glasses pop out and slide across the floor under 3 other stalls. Mortifying... But Bonus! Afterwards, throughout the day, my nose kept getting more and more irritated until I finally took off my glasses and realized there was another man's pubic hair stuck between the lense and frame. After the comment got popular I had an identical awkward conversation with my partner :)
Just 6 months? That would make it genuinely illegal to take things slow. I've known people who stayed with their SOs in college just to get out of their parents' houses. That would make them all married in your jurisdiction.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is disturbingly short. I hate it when people manipulate laws to try and force other people to live "more virtuous lives". I swear some people wouldn't know what freedom was if it eloped with their daughters.
On a similar note, changed a tampon at a friend's house and realized there was no trash can in the bathroom. Wrapped the applicator in toilet paper and stuck it in my pocket. Waited for the kitchen to be empty so I could shove it in the kitchen trash.
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:43:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has happened to me, too! I was at a house party. Had to walk through the party to the kitchen where I pretended to discard my gum but actually shoved my bloody toilet paper burrito in there. My outfit didn't have pockets so I had to fit it in my hand. Yeah, disgusting.
For future reference, if you dump ~1 gallon of water into a toilet, it will flush itself (assuming it's not clogged!) ;)
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This advice may be late, but if you can get a large bucket of water and just pour it in quickly and it'll flush automatically. Another thing you can do is to put a lot of soap in there or something and it'll make it flush easier. (Also, it may not flush because there isn't enough water in the tank).
Source: Was at a girl's house and had this happen.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok but what if I put soap in and it still overflows!? Then I have to stand in soap and shit and wonder where I went wrong.
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, this information is really just things I read from reddit. If you often have very big deuces then you can maybe test it at home by yourself first and hope for the best.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. I just picture me testing all my shits in the morning. My poops are normal sized, thank you very much! ... Then again, have you ever looked at a shit after and went "damn. I guess this means I could take a dick that size in my ass!"
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did think something similar before lol, like damn that's a monster my intestines must be huge. Then I realized it probably just expands.
But now you got me thinking it.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BOYFRIEND of 10 years? Can you put him on so we can have a word with him?
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. Update in the post. We've been together since I was 16.
Hours after I told him, he burst out laughing and said "Wait! Wait! Why didn't you break up the poo with the cup? And just flush!"
Me: BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT FOR SOME REASON, IT SEEMED LIKE THE BEST OPTION!!?!? OH GOD.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And if this is a "WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED YET" comment, then I say this... Yo can we borrow like $10k+ for our massive useless party that changes absolutely nothing about our relationship?
Hey, I'm all for the "Don't waste money on a stupid party" aspect of it. I'm a fan of the "cheap ring, married at someone's home and rent a hall at a VFD for a night and put the money towards something more substantial than looking pretty for a night surrounded by people you only invited because you want free stuff." That cuts out all of the craziness of a wedding and leaves the best parts, which is getting drunk and doing things you regret later when they're posted on Facebook. At least that's how all the weddings that I've gone to have ended up.
It was more of a lighthearted joke than a judgment on why you guys aren't married yet.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh for sure. I may have over reacted because everyone we know is like GET MARRIED AND MAKE A BABY NOW. and we're like wait what? No! Make it stop! Every time I drink water instead of a beer they go OH MY GOD ARE YOU PREGNANT!?!?!?!?! It's exhausting. Lol
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a movie buff I am ashamed I've never seen that movie! But I've gotten about a zillion comments about that scene! I had to youtube it yesterday and watch it. Oh my God haha.
miesto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I clogged my best friends toilet and the turd hanging out, so I picked it up and threw it out the window. My friend's neighbour's house was really close to his, and the other window also happened to be open. I didn't realize that my wayward turd had ended up in the other house until I heard my friend's neighbour shrieking.
I had a serious crush on this chick that I used to work with. After work one day she invited me over to see her new appartment and have a drink so, of course, I accepted the invite.
We got to her place, she gave me the tour, cracked open some beer and we played some Sega Genesis.
After a few minutes of sitting in front of the TV I suddenly felt like my bowels were going to let loose something fierce. Dammit, this would happen while at this chicks place. There was no avoiding it, the feeling wouldn't pass, it was too intense. I excused myself and went to use the bathroom. After I nuked her toilet I realized in my rush to get on the pot that I didn't turn the fan on. I looked for the switch- none. There was no exhaust fan in this bathroom and the window was jammed shut, it wouldn't open for some reason no matter how hard I tried. Wonderful. I just hot boxed my crush's bathroom with such angry flatulence.
Out of options at this point, I figured I'd better get on with the night and hope she doesn't need to use the bathroom anytime soon. I exited the bathroom, shut the door behind me and sat back down to keep playing Sega.
She needed to use the bathroom. Terrified, yet aware that there wasn't much I could do to prevent her from going I said to her "hey, I'm really sorry but if you can hold it for a bit I'd wait to go in there. My stomach was bothering me, there's no fan and I can't get the window open." She was cool about it, cracked a joke and told me to get back in there and try the window again. I did and succeeded in getting it open.
Yes, I do understand that, but I also didn't want the odor to come flowing out as the bathroom door was only about 10-15 feet from where we were chillin.
I understood that reference. I felt so bad for that girl reading the article... but the picture was the worst. The guy snapped a picture of her hanging upside down, while the fire fighters rescued her
I haven't because I literally refuse to shit at a girls house I'm fucking. I will literally drive to the gas station to shit and tell her I went for a drink.
Oh shit I'm dying. Can you imagine this guy simply ran out of paper but still picks up his turd and chucks it at a false window. All he needed was paper to wipe with!
12welf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you never had to pick up an unflushable turd and wash/stuff it through the bathtub drainage grating?
kebbel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has actually never happened to me before. Probably because I always put toilet paper in the bowl before I sit down to dump. Not only does this help prevent unwanted splashes but also doubles as a check to make sure you have enough paper to wipe when you're done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DevilsX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done this at work.. didn't want to be the one to break the toilet after using it and everyone else already knows it's me. There is only one way in and out of that lobby. Luckily most of the poop had already been flushed, only the toilet seat paper and toiler paper was stuck. I used the toilet seat paper which is stronger than toilet paper to scoop out the rest and put it in the trashcan under the sink. I was so relieved it worked..
Sometimes it's too big to flush. But you try it anyway. So it's spinning around in the bowl and now you have to karate chop that sucker up so it goes down.
I was sleeping over a friend's house and clogged the toilet. There was no plunger in that bathroom so I finished up and told my friend that I needed a plunger. He then instantly walked into the bathroom and flushed the toilet again, which caused it to overflow with shitty water. He then shouted really loudly for his dad, who was a SWAT police officer who, hearing his son shout for help at 2am fell out of bed and ran down stairs. I hid in shame while I listened to this poor man mop up his idiot son's idiot friend's shit water in the middle of the night.
When I was an exchange student to a city school from a rural school, my first night at my hosts apartment (which was extremely crowded) I realized that there was no toilet paper after I used the bathroom.. So I asked yelled to my host student and asked if he had any out there, and they said no... Used my Burger King bag from lunch that I kept with me because I forgot to throw it away.
teej1109 ยท 1003 points ยท Posted at 18:09:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who had this similar situation but it was clogged AND no more toilet paper. He proceeded to take the poop out of the toilet with his bare hands, hop out the window, and then leave it in the woods behind the house. No joke
Grenyn ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 22:09:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking love stories like these. Rarely does anything make me laugh out loud, because my soul is a bottomless pit of bitter despair. But shit like this will do it.
I work at a small startup where there's only one bathroom and everyone is responsible for cleaning the place. I have literal nightmares about this happening at the office.
Oh man, reminds me of my college house when we used to throw parties and every weekend I'd wake up to my bathroom covered in shaving cream and whatever else freshman girls found funny to ruin, so I started taking everything out of my bathroom except my towels and stuff under the sink. I'd leave one roll of TP in there as a courtesy, but hell if I was going to provide free rolls every weekend, shit got expensive in college. Well, after that roll ran out people moved to my towels and then the CUE TIPS under the sink. Girls were wiping themselves with my damn cue tips (evidence found in the garbage).
Threw out the towels and told my fraternity brothers to either avoid going down on the girls they go home with or pony up and pay for some damn toiler paper. A six pack of TP then quickly became a staple in our parties' budgets.
I'm Indian fam, and they do wash their butts with hand and water. Their are certain richer places that have toilets but the majority of India use hand.
Abodyhun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was joking, but I know that a poor man's bidet can work too.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:48:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo so I have a slightly similar story
When I was little (and still kind of now tbh) I had a really big fear of having shit left over on my ass and putting my underwear back on. I guess it's cos my mom always used to make fun of my dads skid marks and it just freaked me out. I used to clog toilets hella because I would just roll up wads to clean my butt. It was a problem.
Anyway... I'm nine, or some shit, and I'm over my friends house. I HATED pooping at other peoples houses for this reason because the last thing I needed was 1. clogging their toilet or 2. running out of toilet paper and having to ask for more (similar to yourself) For some reason, on this cursed day, I couldn't even jog home (I lived about a quarter mile home) to go shit. I just HAD to shit. Bruh, I used to hold shits in all day in school cos of this issue. I remember being on first base in a baseball game and someone hitting it deep so I had to run all the way around the diamond with my one hand grasping at my ass so I could, if it happened, push my poop back in if it snuck out. Point is: I held in shits, no ifs ands or buts, and for some reason on this day I couldn't.
So I go into the bathroom, prolly unleashed a king dookie, and went about wiping my ass. This dookie was DIRTY. I prolly flushed like 7 times cos I was using so much toilet paper. I was going to wipe again until I noticed the lack of toilet paper that I willed into existence. Oof. I panicked. This was my biggest, worst, absolute nightmare becoming reality.
I was debating my options. I considered it rude to start looking through cabinets, but then wondered if I even needed to wipe in the first place. I mean, I went at my butthole seven times, scrubbing with the grace of a maid after a juice spill. It couldn't have been THAT dirty anymore, right?
I don't know why, I don't know what prompted me, but I called for my friends mom. Maybe my yung brain knew that moms are nice and wouldn't say no to an innocent nine year old. I called her over and asked her if she could come in. She asked what was wrong and I asked her
"Could you check?"
What followed next was a grown woman, who only knows me as her sons friend from school who comes over every once and a while, pretending to take a good look at my butt and make sure there was no poopy residue because I was so disturbed by skid marks.
So yeah, that's the first time I let a girl see my penis.
This is a late comment but thank you for sharing this, I laughed so hard.
Kablaow ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pooped myself in bed at my friends place when I was 10. Somehow I smeared it on the pillow as on the bedsheet. I just decided to run out of there and go home.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:00:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just reminded me of a story. My brother and some of his friends were down at our local park when they were all about ten years old. One of his friends had to poop, so my brother told him to go use our bathroom as our house was the closest. The friend ended up pooping on our front steps because he was too nervous to knock on the door. He then raced off to his house rather than going back to the park.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was smiling at all of these ridiculous stories, but this one broke me. ๐
I was on a date one time and we ate some food that didn't settle well in my stomach. She asked me back to her place and I didn't want to ruin any future chances by saying no. I stayed for just enough time to make it look like I was interested but wanted to move really slow. I excused myself and then took the most ferocious diarrhea shit of my life.
My first time having dinner at my significant others house they made a delicious salmon and spicy rice pilaf. The filet was sauteed in olive oil. An hour later we sit down to watch a film. I feel a big fart bubbling through my sphincter, the oil isn't sitting well. I felt it would be awkward to do the normal thing and hide my bodily functions, because she could probably hear it from anywhere but outside. So I let fly a booming, reverberating fart that wakes her sleeping dog. I excuse myself to the restroom as the I anticipate my bowels to unleash fire and fury. The neighbors probably heard my flatulence echo out of the toilet bowl. 20 months later we still laugh about it and happily show off our farts to each other :)
When I was about 8 I was at a birthday party and had to poop, no TP, so I got a washcloth out of the lil closet in the bathroom...I felt bad throwing their washcloth in the trash and didn't want to flush it so I put it back in the closet and hid it behind a bunch of clean towels....
I had to shit at a house party in college my freshman year. I was in there a while and at one point some girls knocked and asked if I was almost done. I didn't answer and they spent a while jiggling the handle seeing if someone was in there. I finished up and climbed out the window and went back around and in the front door.
This'll probably get buried but reminds me of when I was probably around 10 and was staying at a cabin in the mountains. It was the morning that I was leaving and we were JUST about done packing when I realized that I had to poop and there was no way I was holding it in. I go upstairs to the most isolated bathroom and do my business. I must've been in such a hurry when I first got in that I didn't realize that there was mo water in the toilet bowl. Apparently my parents had gone around and turned off the pipe that gives water to the toilet bowl. Being young and an idiot, I didn't know all I had to do was turn the knob on the wall behind the toilet. So anyways, I tried flushing and abviously it didn't work. At this point, I could hear my parents yelling at me to get going so we can leave. I started panicking and tried to use my hands to somehow cup water from the sink faucet and put it in the toilet bowl to flush. As you can imagine it didn't work. So I just said fuck it and left my poop in a dry toilet bowl in this cabin in the middle of the mountains. To this day I don't know how long it sat there before the next inhabitants discovered their stinky surprise.
rizzzzzy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:39:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first started hooking up with my now boyfriend, I used to be so weird about taking a crap at his place. It didnโt help that his toilet would didnโt flush well. I had a little pellet, and it just wouldnโt go down the toilet! I took it out of the toilet, rolled it into toilet paper, and threw it in the trash.
BertUK ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:43:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why have none of you thought of socks? Cheap disposable ass wipes, right there on your feet most of the time.
Once I was staying with my friend's family at their lake house, and we slept in this primitive cabin out back. I wake up in the middle of the night, and the only toilet is a camping toilet that you have to empty out after using. So I just lined it with a plastic bag, tied it up, and threw it as far into the woods as I could. We're sitting on the porch the next morning, when their damn dog comes running up with the bag in its mouth!! After realizing what it was they immediately knew it was me.... can't live that one down.
Similar story accept happened to my best friend when he was over my house. He was too shy to yell out the bathroom door, and didnโt think to call or text me. He decided to wipe with used toilet paper that was in the trash can.
Was living in rural Mexico many years ago (LDS missionary, natch). My companion (guy I lived and worked with) really really had to take a dump. We had checked everywhere along the route we were walking; no possibilities. We were walking with another person, so we had to be surreptitious in checking for pooping possibilities. Then he sort of wandered off into a little scrub forest between some houses. This is a very weird thing for a missionary to do, but I kept walking with the other guy, as my companion made clear silent head gestures that i should do this. A few minutes later he comes running to us out of the forest, saying something transparent like "I found the thing" etc.
Later, I asked him and he said he had crapped behind a bush in the forest/field, and hoped no one saw him. I asked what he used for toilet paper. He just pulled up one pantleg to show he was missing a sock.
I think this is a young person problem. Get past 30-ish and you discover everyone has these issues and you can, as an adult, announce that you're out of toilet paper or the toilet is clogged or whatever, because at that age you recognize that everyone has been there at some point. It's no longer a matter of personal shame, it's a shared misery.
Oh hey, almost the same exact thing happened to me a just a few months ago. No toilet paper anywhere, and my friends are in the basement with no phones. The homeowners in the next room were two married women that I always feel awkward around for some reason, so I couldn't ask them for help. So I was forced to use panty liners from their nearly unlimited supply.
Recently had a similar problem (well, an unflushable) while housesitting, fortunately they had a dog, so poobagged it and walked it to an outside wheelie bin without anyone the wiser except that now there's a permanent record of it on the Internet. I blame the poor flush capability of the toilet.
A couple decades ago I was at a party, and exited the bathroom loudly proclaiming that I needed to know the location of the nearest plunger, as I had logjammed the toilet.
Some woman had just walked in to the house, and that was her first impression of me.
I took a dump at my best friend's house and clogged their toilet. He's there with his mother and his sister (who had modeled in the past).
So I know them very well but this is still mega embarrassing so I tried to tell him inconspicuously and the bastard just yells it out to them! I was like "you bastard, how could you?"
But it's cool I unclogged it and just moved on, it was a great spring break.
The woman I'm seeing has a bathroom attached to the bedroom and it doesn't have a fan so I've had to hold my poops in every time. I'm fucking dreading it
Since it's a residential bathroom, you should have just hopped in the shower and done a quick rinse from the waist down and then toweled off with a hand towel or something.
Yep. I was in this situation in the virtually soundproof basement bathroom in my cousin's house. With no one able to hear mt pleas for help, I resorted to tearing the cardboard roll into slivers with which to wipe.
Rule 1 of shitting. Check for TP.
It takes one second to prevent all of this maddness happening and you pack of lazy fucks cant even do that. For shame reddit for shame. Side note I do enjoy the stories.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoulda used the shower. That's what I do when we have toilet paper.
Family and I were driving back from out of state. I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I went in the bathroom and completed my business... When I noticed there was no TP, no paper towels, nothing... I was about 10, embarrassed to open the door to ask... So, I wiped with my hands, washed in sink (repeat until done). As I was about done, my dad knocked on the bathroom door asking what was taking so long, and I told him what happened... I didn't get to live it down for years "be a man, use your hand"...
had to take an emergency shit on my walk to work. there was nowhere else for it to go down, but a planter box in front of an apartment building. with traffic backed up moving slowly away from me on one side, and an apartment door anyone could walk out of at 7:30am on the other..it was quite the situation
This is why I always make sure my bathroom's stocked up with Emergency bog roll when people come around. Some on the holder, three rolls in the wicker bog-roll basket thing, and a cheeky roll tucked away in the medicine cabinet (that way, even if in some universe my guests managed to get through four rolls in one night, they'd still be able to find the secret hidden one when they go digging through the medicine cabinet in a desperate attempt to find make-up wipes or cotton pads).
I'm wondering what went through the mind of the person who last used the toilet paper, knew it was out, and knew you couldn't have used it. Just in case you hadn't thought of that, lol.
Chokmahh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this but with a shower curtain
sami2503 ยท 5431 points ยท Posted at 17:23:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened yesterday.
I'm in Germany and I can't speak very good german. I'm at a canteen restaurant in a kaufhof for breakfast
I pick up a tray and get myself some bread and cheese etc and some blood-orange juice, as I walk over to where to pay I spill loads of the juice all over my food, my tray is just soggy red bread and cheese. Instead of trying to ask if I can replace it or just doing it anyway I go over to the cashier and fucking pay for my soggy red sticky breakfast. The lady looks at it and back to me and back to it and says something in german probably along the lines of 'Are you sure you want to pay for this'.I looked at her and shamefully said "ja, bitte", and then she counts it all up and it was almost 10 fucking euros for just some bread cheese ham and juice.
My anxiety combined with my british-ness and akwardness is not a good combination at all
tl;dr: "Yankee" refers to Americans when used by people from outside the US, to people from the Northern US when used by people from the Southern US, and to people from New England when used by people from elsewhere in the Northern US. (I've also heard it claimed that it means people from Vermont when used by people from elsewhere in New England. Not sure how true that is.)
Roxxorursoxxors, though American, was using Yankee in the sense used by non-Americans since they were addressing someone non-American (I assume IMightBeAnExpert is a Brit, judging from their use of "biscuit" and the context of the conversation) and knew that this was the usage with which that person would likely be familiar.
Or maybe you were just making a joke about US dialects and I'm taking your comment too literally.
Imagine graham crackers but not as yummy and sugary. Sometimes they have chocolate on one side and are also called digestives if they are a particular type of biscuity thing.
He put it into H2G2 as happening to Arthur but he claimed it was a real life thing that had happened to him, which is how it gets mentioned in one of the essays in Salmon of Doubt (if I'm remembering this right.)
Lazersk ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:52:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy once told me this story passing it off as his own!!! But he was in detention and the cookies came from a vending machine. You just debunked a decades old tale.
gnarbone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I quite enjoyed that.
sami2503 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:17:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have another story, It's even more stupid.
I'm at a coach station in manchester England at 5 am and I wanted to get a coach to Cornwall to go to a friends birthday weekend. I'm the only one there and I see a coach approaching and as far as I'm aware mine is the only coach at this time. I give the coach driver my ticket and he gestures me inside. He didn't really look properly at the ticket though. I sit down and replay what just happened over and over again in my head and whether he did look at it properly and whether I'm just worrying about nothing. The coach had set off and instead of just asking him like a normal person I avoided it and just went to sleep.
Almost 4 hours later I wake up and I see Regents Park. I was in London.
I'd say that corridor awkwardness would give it a run for its money. He was a real corriemuchloch.
rokindit ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 19:43:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I would 100% do even if they spoke English to me.
Actually it reminds me of when I was 8 years old, I spilled strawberry milk all over my lunch and I just sat there all sad and ate my soggy food while all the kids asked me about my lunch and why I didn't just go ask for a new one.
I love how you didn't translate "ja, bitte". That part made me lol. I was super awkward when I was in Germany too. Most people in Germany speak English, so any encounter with someone who didn't ended up making me feel awkward.
I would have done the same. Also, waiter can give me the complete wrong order and I will just sit there and eat it instead of saying something. I feel guilty with every bite bc I know someone else actually ordered it and wanted it too..
I have a cringe Germany story too, except I got the right food.
I'm an Anglo Canadian with questionable French who lives in Montreal. Was there last year and stopped by a corner market. I knew enough German words (thanks, Duolingo!) to order me some berries.
Dude asks me a question. I search my brain for "yes" and out comes "oui". Turns out market bro is somewhat fluent in French. He starts asking me questions in French. I give half-answers because I'm struggling. My German at that point was only sightly worse than my French, so we're both mostly failing to communicate. Had I not given my stupid "oui", we could have been conversing in German or English, and at least one of us would be having a good time.
I'm also Canadian, but I don't speak French. About a year ago, I was visiting Montreal and I decided to go to a Tim hortons there. While in line, I figured I would look up how to make my order in French, and when I got to the front, I made my order. Unfortunately, the server also responded in French, asking me a question, and I had no idea what she said. I struggled to find a response, and while doing so, she asked me the question again, but in English.
I know german pretty well, and whether I try to speak a third language, a lot of German comes up. I said "ja" a lot when I was in Paris last year. There must be some brain reason for it, but I felt like a total idiot.
HAHaa Same situation, I just moved to Germany, my German sucks. I go to this Hollandische Pommes place and order some shit that looked fried and good. Seconds after ordering it I decided to use google translate to see what it was. It's fried fish sticks. I am VERY allergic to fish. But too awkward to even try to tell her, so... I just looked at the girl take it out of a package, put it in the frier, wait for like 5 minutes put it on a plate, give it to me, take my 9 euros and give me my baggy.
I just walked around the corner and gave it to a Homeless guy. Didn't realize that the girl went out the back door (for a break or whatever) and saw me do that. She gave me such a huge smile, I guess she thought I did it all on purpose. Then she procceeded to talk to me and say somehting obvoiulsy flirty, but in German...
So I just turned around and left absolutely defeated. No girl, no food, down 9 euros.
A very shitty afternoon indeed...
ljonka ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:13:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did ya leave tho? Just say that you're not speaking german. Am german and virtually anyone I know would understand that and have a nice talk in english.
I guess the panic was too much for him. Part of the original 'lie' was that he didn't know German enough to order the right thing but carried on like he did, so maybe in that moment revealing the truth about not knowing German felt like it would unravel the whole 'lie' about why he gave the food to the homeless guy.
ljonka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not necessarily. I mean how should she know he's allergic to fish? He coulda played it cool and be like 'I ordered a random food for this stranger bc I'm canadian (or sth.)".
Then again, I guess he didnt put that much thought into it and just wanted to leave.
It was actually me... (I dont usually open reddit on weekends :S And my motives were... just that. awkwardness. Even though in her mind at the moment I was a cute charitable man who she wanted to meet, I was really shy foreigner who didn't speak the language. I was feeling like shit because I almost died because of that (my fish allergy is pretty dangerous). So yeah.. bad moment, didn't think much atm...
Chrisixx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:37:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ach Junge, warum?
wtfrara ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:33:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I was in Germany I ran into a shop to pick up some dinner so I could save a bit of money instead of eating out again. I didn't know that typically you bring your own grocery bags and they don't provide them and they don't bag for you like they do at most grocery stores in the US. Obviously, I didn't bring my grocery bag with me on vacation so this was a bit of an issue.
I gathered a bunch of ingredients to make pasta with bread and cheese and picked up some chocolate to bring home. I got to the register to pay and was stuck in line before I realized what was going to happen. The woman told me the price, I paid, and then gathered all the food into my arms and awkwardly walked back to the hotel. Only redeeming thing was that I managed to not drop anything.
Niibu ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never seen a supermarket not selling grocery bags (7ct or so). You may have missed them.
wtfrara ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have had to know how to ask for them in German or really embarrass myself and ask in English.
Niibu ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:20:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
English works fine in Germany :) we love to show off our horrible accent.
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:03:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For what it's worth I think the accent is awesome when speaking English - doubly so that folks are multi-language capable, I can never knock that.
This reminds me of something that happened to me in a mall in dresden. I was still hungry but not hungry enough for a whole meal so I figured I'd have schnitzel again since I was in Germany. I knew enough to order it but then the person who worked there kept asking me questions and I just kept nodding. I ended up with a huge meal that I couldn't finish. Luckily I managed to communicate that I wanted the rest to go.
Pay attention in German class kids.
Njagos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck dude I was interning at this place once and my quesadilla slid off my plate when I went to grab my wallet. I just picked it up off the floor feet from the cashier and tried to pay and she was like "no, go get another one..."
Moedig25 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:34:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SLPT if that happens, just pretend you are deaf and point at the food and make strange noises, they will figure pretty quick and you have a high chance they don't know sign language so they will begin to either do things for you (easier than them trying to communicate with a deaf person) or worst case scenario write something down, at which point just write back in English and your set :)
I'm a Brit living in Germany. This awkward shit is my daily life because I don't know how to say things. I even got off the bus 2km too early and paid for a fare 3km too far in the same journey. There was no fixing it- just pay an extra Euro to walk 2 kilometres. I also nod and agree way more than I should.
Edit: and just half an hour ago the bus lady was telling me some important information. I had no idea what the fuck she was telling me but I know I need to know it. I wasn't prepared and instead of explaining I didn't understand I just gave her a confused look until she stopped talking.
Living in another country and dealing with the language barrier is fucking tough. Sympathies to you.
Satis24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going to Germany next week. I aim to learn from your mistakes.
SexyOAG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been lots of times I'm situations like that and I always add something like 'don't worry, that's how I like it' to make things a little bit worse.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs sad
UEMcGill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where in Germany were you staying they didn't have breakfast at the hotel? That's the mystery here. I didn't know that was possible (I go to Germany a lot)
You know, most people in Germany speak quite good english, so you could just talk to them in english, if that helps you :) Obviously this goes not for everyone, but I bet someone would help out and translate if he/she would notice the cashier doesn't understand what you're saying. We're open here! No fear ;)
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:40:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sides xD
[deleted] ยท -31 points ยท Posted at 21:37:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not really being awkward its just being a pussy
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:52:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You live up to your name.
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 21:57:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you also go out of your way to inconvenience yourself because you're scared of literally saying " hey can I get this replaced?"
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:02:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since you use the word "pussy" for something else than the female genitalia, I guess you're not only what your name says but also not older than 14 on a mental basis. Have a nice day.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean at least I can go through life without having to pussyfoot around everyone like a coward, so who's the real winner here? ๐
When I was a freshman in college, I saw a production of some Shakespeare play, and developed an instant crush on the lead actor. I saw him at lunch the day after the play, and my friends urged awkward, shy, 17-year-old me to approach him and say how much I enjoyed his performance in the show. I'm not sure if they really thought this very attractive senior was going to have any interest in me, but apparently I got talked into it, because I marched over to his table and he and all his friends fell silent as I approached.
I stood there trying to think of what to say, now that I was actually there. I opened my mouth and said, "Very nice!" (I was a teenaged girl, but I said it like Borat, unfortunately). He had no idea what I was talking about, and didn't say anything, so I tried again.
"You were great last night!" I said.
As soon as the words left my mouth, his friends lost their shit and started whistling and laughing. I was mortified, and slunk back to my table awkwardly. I swear I still cringe about this, almost 30 years later.
lperry_97 ยท 2679 points ยท Posted at 22:08:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends made fun of my for the entire time I was at that college. I transferred and graduated from an out-of-state college, so it was only for that year. I don't ever remember seeing the actor again, thank God.
Haha! Once I told a girl I had a huge crush on that I like her by doing an impression of Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber, "I like ya. I like ya a LOT." She gave me the saddest pity laughed of all time and said, "oh, Dumb and Dumber." Then looked away from me. Instant regret.
She just doesn't have appreciation for fine artistic masterpieces like Dumb and Dumber. Dodged a bullet on that one
Red_Otaku ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 23:27:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Dumb and Dumber...
DeemDNB ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:23:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real. I love Dumb and Dumber, one of my favourite movies. In high school, I showed it to a best friend when I learned he hadn't seen it, and he didn't laugh once. Things have never been the same between us.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:26:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar experience, but it was me who talked me into it. In 7th grade, I decided that I finally had enough courage to talk to the girl that I had a huge crush on! As I was walking past her in the hallway, I stopped and said "Hey, smile!", "why?" "Because you have a great smile!" And then I continued on my way. At the time I was proud of myself for talking to a girl, but I cringe now that I think back to how awkward it was.
Here's another one! I just remembered that I also had an experience in 6th grade too. I tend to block this one from my memory because this is even better haha.
Ok, so I had a crush on this girl in my class for the whole year. About a month before the year ended I walked up to her and I said "I like you, do you like me?" She said "no". I cried at home later that day, but my parents told me that she might not have meant it because I was so direct and put her on the spot lol. Anyways, fast forward to yearbook signing time. I asked her to sign my yearbook and also to put her number too, and she did! Score! Fast forward again a few weeks and I finally got the courage to call her up. The conversation went something like this: "Hello?" "Hi! This is --- " "hi!" And then...silence ensued for what felt like an eternity as I sat there with sweaty palms, heart racing, horrified that I could not think of one thing to say. It was about a minute or so until she said "ok, well I have to go take a shower now." I never heard or saw her again. I actually tried calling again a few weeks later but the number was disconnected. I blew it, but I learned a lot about myself.
Its tough when you're young and you dont know how to read people in the romance area yet. Reading others is difficult throughout life, of course, but i felt like i was much worse at it when i was younger.
Too true. Now that I'm older and experienced, I no longer have those horribly awkward and embarrassing moments of asking women out, because I can now tell way ahead of time they aren't remotely interested.
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:50:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No no, of course I'm not talking about little kids. I'm talking about grown men you don't know going "Smile! You'd be so pretty if you smiled more! Be happy!"
Fuck off.
You have a great smile isn't how he started. She wasn't smiling, he said "Hey, smile". It's not appropriate to walk up to people you know or don't know and demand that they smile. If they are smiling you can tell them they have a great smile.
Obviously, 12 year old me didn't understand that this might be rude but I had good intentions I promise. Also, I didn't know how to follow this up with anything, like "are you single" or "would you like to go out". I never talked to this girl again after that either because of the cringeness I created.
I met my wife at a wedding. I had never seen her before in my life but after talking to her throughout the night I really wanted to see her again. I wrote my number on the back of a movie ticket stub in my wallet (transformers) and handed it to her to which she said (in Borat voice) "great success!" I had no idea what she was doing as I had never seen it.
Senior year of highschool there was this really cute freshman. Normally, I would criticize relationships with such an age difference, but she was everything I look for in a girl (visually anyway, I don't know about her personality). I wanted to talk to her, but I'm really shy. So, yearbooks came at the end of the year, and I was looking through one with some friends, and when we stumbled across the girl's picture, I told them I had a huge crush on her, but didn't know what to say. One of my friends said to just call her pretty and ask for her number, so I decided to go for it. The last day of school came around, and we walked through the hallways in the morning "to pass the time" but whenever we walked passed where the girl usually hangs out, her and her friends weren't there. It was 2 minutes before the morning bell, and we had given up hope, but I decided to make one last walk with one friend. And there she was. I had to psych myself up by yelling at my friend "Should I do it? I'm gonna do it!". She heard me. But she was already looking, so I didn't have to get her attention to talk to her. I said "I think you're really cute, can I get your number?"
I got rejected
This reminds me of 7th grade french class there was a substitute that nobody liked because he had a weird pedo vibe...
One day during a test I felt like I had to cough constantly and kept clearing my throat to stifle it. He finally came over and asked if I was okay, if I needed anything, and I forgot the word (in English, screw trying French) for "cough drop" or "lozenge" so my response was "yah... my throat is itchy, so you have anything.... like... hard...I could suck on?".
The class just freaking lost it and the poor guy got so embarrassed and walked away. I felt like an ass, but had to kind of play it off as an intentional prank.
I remember my two friends were talking about drumming and this girl jumps in and was like "You guys should have a beat off to see who's better at drumming!" We started laughing so hard.
therawrj ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:22:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I like how you just went for it, some people don't go for things and never get what they want. Even though you feel cringy, thank you for sharing!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:30:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO. I really hope this story is true, i can see why you'd remember it 30 years later.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It just seems like something out of a movie almost too perfect to be true. I was awkward af as a teenager too but luckily I managed to escape without something this bad.
I was awkward, and have several more stories of awkward stuff I've done/experienced. I was a teenager in the 80s. I lived a freaking John Hughes movie.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:00:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to hear more but I don't think it's possible to follow that first story
That's the one that sticks out most. I also remember a time I met an incredibly adorable guy at some store where my friend worked, when I was about 15 or 16. I was super " alternative" for my area at the time (combat boots, dresses from the 1930s, etc) and this guy was very much into the kind of stuff I liked. It turned out that he went to the high school a few towns over from mine, and I instantly started imagining that he and I would end up dating.
I was so excited about this that I drove to the place my friend Andy was working, because he was also part of that scene, and went to the same high school as the boy I'd just met. Andy and his coworker Shannon (whom I didn't know) listened to me gush about this boy, and how cool and gorgeous he was, and how perfect we'd be together, etc. Andy asked what the guy's name was, and when I told them, Shannon says, "That's my boyfriend!!" From that day on, even though I never spoke to him again, Andy related how Shannon would never stop talking about how I was her "worst enemy".
This is honestly precious. I feel like we've all been there, I asked a junior to a dance when i was a freshman and his friends were cackling the whole time and pretended he didn't know what I was talking about and that honestly keeps me up at night sometimes if i really think about it. Also he turned out to be gay so there's that.
Only 1. I was one of the youngest in my original class anyways.
Volwik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:34:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I skipped 2nd grade and decided not to skip 4th. Out of curiosity, where did you live when you skipped? I was in the Virgin Islands at a private school. Not exactly typical so I'm curious how it happened for other people.
aaronv10 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:44:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I skipped 2nd grade too. It was mainly because id finish work way earlier and then start dicking around with anyone. Teachers didnt like it because i was distracting other kids.(obviously lil me was fucking hilarious /s) Funnily the teacher that recommended me was the teacher that i annoyed the most and sent me out of class all the time.
Volwik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny, I was told that at one point I had my arms in my shirt and I was spinning around like a helicoptor in class. I was constantly in and out of the principals office. I'd get work done faster too but I'd also been professionally intelligence tested. Just trying to figure out if most schools facilitate this process or if it's super rare.
aaronv10 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:56:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive never been professipnally tested. Also onwards in middle and highschool i was aboveaverage but not one of the best because i did jack shit for anything because i could get by with doing absolutely nothing. I still have no work ethic and believe work ethic> intelligence all day long. Yes, i hate myself for being lazy af. My best act was putting whoopie cushions under the teachers chairs.
Volwik ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:03:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like me , except my work ethic is either 200รท or 0% mostly out of necessity (bills, etc.) But I did win a spelling bee and a fishing tournament like 10 years ago though so... lol. I take the easy route whenever possible. I almost didn't get my SAT graded because I got caught skipping ahead and marking answers because I didn't want to sit there for hours.
Have you ever taken the Meyers-briggs personality test? 16personalities.com
I'd be curious what type it says you are, I'm an INTP
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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Volwik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck to you man! I went to college for 2 years before dropping out to move and go snowboard, I don't regret it. I need to go back one of these days though. Don't let your parents get you down, everyone's path is different. No one could ever make me to do something I didn't want to do, so do what you want, what makes you happy. When that intelligence kicks in on something you care about, look out world. I'm looking forward to the update.
I usually achieved the highest test scores in 6th grade but still flunked out and almost was held back the second time because I couldn't be assed to do any homework. Started taking hgh injections and ended up on the honor roll during the 3rd quarter of 7th grade though.
I barely make any. I don't have much in the way of an anterior pituitary gland. It helped me grow a little more than I would have otherwise. Also though, it improved my mood, energy and my ability to focus. I took it up until the growth plates on my bone ends hardened. I actually started taking it again about 5 years ago after struggling without it for nearly 30 years and it has made a big difference the quality of my life. I wish I had known this decades ago. I thought its sole purpose was to help kids grow.
Oh wow, I may have to look into this. I have a lesion on my pituitary stalk that blocks the flow of neurotransmitters and I barely graduated because I could not force myself to do homework. I may just be terminally lazy or it could be related. Thank you :)
For a second I was like "huh whats wrong" and didn't notice until I read one of the replies what it implied. So basically I would have done the same thing :P
If it makes you feel any better after reading this I now have the worldโs most embarrassing hiccups and Iโm on a public train.
ghc86 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I asked a girl if she wanted to go out sometime. I never really talked to her but she seemed nice and was attractive. Anyways she originally said yes, but being awkward me I didn't talk to her for like a week.
Finally I approach her in the hall when she is with all of her friends and ask when she wants to go out. To my surprise she now says she has a boyfriend and I walk away awkwardly feeling like an idiot. I honestly have no idea if she actually had a boyfriend or not.
Story two probably happened a few months later that same year. We were at some assembly and one of the guys I kinda hung out with tells a girl that I have liked her for a long time. Which was true, but I don't think I ever really told anyone because she was more popular than me. Anyways being me I deny it even though I saw her blushing and for all I know may have been interested.
I can picture it... James Franco as the actor/douchey senior, and perhaps Ellen Page as you. Seth Rogen mingling around in the background laughing while taking a drag
wow, without the risk of sounding obsequious or creepy, you were very pretty then (and even perhaps now idk). Definitely got that Lindsay Weir look and vibe going on
Tabs287 ยท 4216 points ยท Posted at 16:28:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend gave me a slice of Velveeta cheese at her house. I tried it and thought it was gross so I smashed it in between the couch cushions to get rid of it instead of telling her I didn't like it and throwing it away like a normal person.
I am of the opinion that it's not gross when it's made into something else or mixed into something. However, just eating like a plain slice of velvetta tastes shitty.
Compare a slice of like kraft american cheese vs velvetta, the kraft one tastes much better. We're talking american cheese here, so the bar for quality isn't exactly high at all.
I think it deserves a bit more slack though, for example there's an american cheese called cooper cheese that is actually really good, especially on like burgers and cheesesteaks and shit. I don't know why I'm thinking so much about american cheese.
that sounds good. I might just buy a block now. I've never had it since I never knew it was sold in the part of the store where they keep the chips and that cheese wiz stuff
DLOGD ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:57:51 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not smooth and spreadable like cream cheese is, it's a rubbery block that only resembles something edible when it's melted.
Oh and don't microwave it, it fucking explodes like a raw egg.
Maxotis4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:08 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have jarlsburg, but itโs going to be a lot more expensive than velveeta, jarlsberg being a good cheese for dips isnโt exactly common knowledge, and really, who cares?
Drew707 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:25:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, carry on.
Lanoir97 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:38:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was riding the broke bus and couldn't afford to buy cheese slices but I had some Velveeta for making cheese sauces so for like a week I had Velveeta slices on my sandwiches. It wasn't too bad, but the texture was really weird.
Drew707 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:27:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My best use for them is making bullshit cheesesteaks. Brown some ground beef with a lot of prime rib seasoning, diced onion and bell pepper, and make a cheese sauce with white pepper. Serve on a roll. Cheap to make and pretty fucking good.
Lanoir97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds pretty good actually. There's a store near me that sells sliced beef pretty cheap, thanks for the idea. I know what I'm having for dinner whenever I next have time to cook.
Amazing queso, cheesesteak sauce, mac n cheese in a pot, mac n cheese in a casserole, anything cheesy in a crock pot...a lot of hate in here, but it really is liquid gold.
budra477 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:32:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, I used to eat it with crackers as a kid. My parents cooked with it all the time too.
smorest ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:41:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom left my three siblings and me with the neighbor while she went to the hospital to have baby #5. The neighbor gave us these really gross lollipops. We were all such polite kids that we didnโt want to tell her we didnโt like the lollipops and we were afraid if we threw them away she would see them in the trash and it would hurt her feelings. We huddled to discuss and then decided to hide our lollipops around the house where she would never find them. I put mine in the couch cushions, my brother buried his in a flower pot, other brother stuck his behind the toilet and third brother found a place under the rug.
I started a new job and a coworker was passing out snickers to everyone every other day for like a few weeks. I hate snickers so I just kept them in my drawer and hoarded them. One day I decided to throw them away and thought I hid them in the bottom of the bag but I was completely busted and had to explain why I threw away 15 good snickers bars instead of just giving them back or to someone else.
This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry's not eating meat, so he keeps spitting out the mutton his date cooked for him into her nice cloth napkins and sticking them into his coat pocket...
As children in grandpa's house that didn't want to eat their food before the promised desert, we'd stuff our food under the sofa and hope nobody would notice.
...It was eventually noticed.
SadCena ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 18:10:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some friend you are
snorlz ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:50:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol this is so dumb, i cant stop laughing. im just picturing her finding a slice of velveeta while watching netflix 3 weeks later
What kind of shit host feeds cheese slices to their guests anyway?
somecow ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 21:08:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trying to be classy but forgot that the gas station next to the trailer park doesnโt sell shit to make an actual charcuterie board, so you settle for velveeta and slim jims artfully arranged on a paper plate instead.
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 21:44:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"To be honest, that sounds kind of hilarious. My husband and I routinely visit an excellent local gourmet shop that makes one hell of a charcuterie board, and at one point, when his brother was visiting us, he saw the offerings of Spanish and Italian salamis and offered me a Slim Jim.
I've never had a Slim Jim.
I โฆ hadn't missed much.
I'm picturing my rich white-lady ass sauntering into a Mobil On The Run and disinterestedly asking for the catering manager behind the hot dog machine and asking him to make up a charcuterie board, "nothing too exotic, please" and putting an upper limit of $200 on him.
โฆ rich people are weird, dude."
...lol
Edit: for the record, Velveeta and Slim Jims are delicious. Source: am white trash
Mispict ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:37:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to try my hardest to exclaim "that's one hell of a charcuterie board" at some time in my life. Will report back when i do.
somecow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:07:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, saw that. And no, they don't have a fucking catering manager at the gas station. Hell, rare to find a place that has a hot dog bun steamer so you don't have to eat hard bread. Gas station hot dogs are delicious, and not gonna make you sick. They've been there for hours, anything that might have been alive is surely dead by the time you get one.
I love gas station food and I find no shame in it. In north Texas we had Quiktrip, and they had the most amazing soft pretzels (I liked the garlic Parmesan one). They also had these ENORMOUS beef taquitos. I'm in Houston now and there aren't any Quiktrips here. :( 7-Eleven is dear to me too, because they have spicy chicken biscuits. You can't go wrong with a hot dog, either.
11311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of those interviews the family in The Queen of Versailles gives lol
I really hate food that I don't make, so this happens to me regularly, especially with the forceful types. I'm good at hiding it and finding an excuse to use the bathroom where it goes down the toilet.
Heh, I did that with twizzlers in my aunt's van. After I had put it in my mouth and chewed a bit. It was my first time trying it and I hated it, but was too embarrassed to ask my cousins for a tissue or something.
At thanksgiving last year, we had a pot of mashed potatoes covered in a totally glass lid. As I grabbed the knob to remove it, my aunt said "Careful it just came out of the oven." Instead of reacting like a human being and immediatly putting it down, I held on to that sucker and said, "Nah, its not bad. Who wants potatoes?"
I served 4 people while holding a molten lid, fighting to keep a straight face. I somehow calmly got up and put my hand in an ice bath shortly after. Ouch.
Saw a colleague I actually like in the supermarket. Did not want to stop-and-chat and engage in weird small talk in a shop.
I proceeded to awkwardly walk backwards when I spotted her in the aisle and whispered slightly loud to my SO at the time "I hope she can't see me". She turned her face, looked at me and said "I can see AND I can hear you!"
avanttard ยท 3263 points ยท Posted at 16:05:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like supermarket small talk is just horrible for everybody, awkward or not
schwagle ยท 2072 points ยท Posted at 17:46:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially when you run into each other in the same aisle going different directions, but then you progress through the aisles at roughly the same rate, so you keep running into them over and over.
I always thank the heavens if I run into a friend when one of us is entering the store and one of us is leaving. a PERFECT excuse to have a short conversation and then start doing completely different things!
duhpolan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:03:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then they see you exiting the store with nothing in your cart
Then they think the same thing and you're in the checkout isle next to them and you intently watch the cashier scan each item and pretend like you don't see them.
Jwalla83 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then you've both made this decision at the same time and now you're stuck next to each other in the only checkout line open
If it's someone I don't particularly like talking to (not many as I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone), I just politely let them know I'm in a hurry and can't stop to talk. I don't understand why people act like these things are so difficult.
When people you don't know try to talk to you at the supermarket... I always check for my phone, keys, wallet afterwards as if they stole something from me. They do, my peace of mind. What compels strangers to interact with me? I just want to buy my shit and go... Soon I'll transition to ordering from Amazon and other online stores... They can't pester me then right? RIGHT?!?!
When I go running in my neighborhood, it involves going up and down a lot of little dead end streets. If two entities are doing this sort of thing at the same time, they will keep encountering each other. I always find this awkward, but only truely unpleasant when the other entity is a garbage truck.
Today the other entity was a male runner. So Iโm (female) going along doing my thing, and apparently he started worrying that I would think he was stalking me. So he tried to reassure me by yelling โI swear Iโm not following youโ as he came up behind me. I had a full-on startle reaction to being yelled at suddenly, so I yelped loudly before I saw it was just the male runner trying to not scare me. I told him I understood. It was awkward enough that Iโm pretty sure we are both hoping to never see each other again.
jcb088 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:34:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run..... run away from each other. That solves both of your problems.
The issue is that weโre taking these routes with dead ends that keep doubling back to just a few connecting roads. There was one awful morning when I encountered the same garbage truck at least 4 times. I kept thinking that my evasive maneuvers were working, but then the garbage truck would come barreling at me again.
The benefit to the dead end roads is that they donโt have much traffic so there isnโt much fear of getting squished by a car. Definitely worth the awkwardness.
jcb088 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I say up the awkwardness, run through peoples yards and whatnot. Variety is the spice of life!
I was walking down each aisle one day while shopping at a grocery store. A young lady that I was very slightly acquainted with worked there. She was also going down the aisles doing whatever, but in the opposite direction. We would end up meeting in the middle of each aisle. The first time we said hi. The next time we just silently acknowledged eachother like you do in that situation. The third aisle we kind of ignored each other. An aisle or two later she looked at me and pointedly demanded "Are you following me?!" I skipped over the next aisle so we wouldn't meet again and it was the last time I shopped at that store for awhile.
I have ended up trying new foods because of this. I stop and peruse a random section of shelves to give them enough time to get far ahead of me, but then I feel like I'll look stupid if I don't put something in my cart from the section I've been studying so intently.
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't hid in between isles like the Scooby Doo scene where everyone is running into different rooms chased by monsters because you've seen a friend/ coworker in the same store, you're not living right.
It really is. No matter how well you know the person, it's always terrible. I can run into my closest friend at the grocery store and leave the store thinking maybe we're not as good of friends as I thought.
I've learned to just keep my head down and not make eye contact with anyone while at the store.
Voredoms ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I have tons of friends where it wouldn't be awkward. Most people I know would be happy to see me and its not like you have to stay long. Just act like you have little time and say it was nice seeing them or something. Can't believe it would be awkward to see a close friend in public.
290077 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heck, I just wave and say hi without even stopping and we both go about our business. Validating other people's existence doesn't have to be inconvenient.
This is really true, it's just inherent to the situation. It's like saying goodbye and walking in the same direction but exponentially worse every time you bump into them again.
Speaking of which, I ran into my former english teacher at a supermarket while I was back in my hometown the other day.
"How have things been?"
"Oh fine. I got throat cancer, but..."
"I'm so sorry to hear that! My mother got breast cancer."
"That's terrible. How is she doing now?"
"She died. It metastasized. Um. How's your throat?"
"It hurts to speak."
"I should go."
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D:
kingeryck ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 16:24:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate when people are like OOOMMGG HIIII HOW ARE YOU and make a damn scene in the middle of the store and stand there gabbing, blocking the aisle. Usually white women. They just get louder and louder and sqwuak like birds.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 17:32:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother and my mother-in-law ran into each other in the grocery store one day a few years ago. They got started chatting, and literally stood there in the aisle talking for well over an hour.
Well stop buying cucumbers and condoms at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 17:34:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife & I were at Sam's Club years ago, back when we were first married. I looked into our cart and realized we had a large box of condoms and a gallon of olive oil. I told her we had to get some other stuff into the cart quickly, before someone decided that we were stocking up for an orgy.
Nah man, that's when you delay putting anything else in the cart. Find yourself some freaky-ass new friends!
jcb088 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the reverse. Whenever I buy condoms I just give no fucks and whats better is, being a married man, i buy them economically. So i'll buy the like...... 36 pack of trojans because i'll go through em sooner or later. Its not that im bragging I just realize in those moments that I have nothing to hide. Thats just life.
Had an old professor do that to me shortly after graduation, he was my advisor and chair of my academic department too so of course we're on a very casual basis by then. I had some frozen pizzas and maybe a few other things. Like a full year later I ran into him again at the same store and he looks at my cart/basket which this time does not have frozen pizza and says "Are you going to make it without your frozen pizza?" To which I respond "What is wrong with you that you remember what I bought a year ago?" He started to answer before conceding that he had no rational explanation for that.
Ah, no. I thought it was hysterical. Like I said we were pretty close by then so him making an off hand comment about what's in my basket didn't seem so bad to me. The fact that a year later he remembered something from my basket was startling though considering I could never get him to remember while I was a student that I had a second major I needed to take classes for.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 18:40:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined him saying it kind of meekly. Personally I sometimes get so anxious it's hard to even form words. So yeah, your comment is actually a lot more rude than his.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'sorry, I'm not much for conversation' and staring awkwardly away.
My point is that you assume he's being rude when we're in a thread about awkwardness. I'm not assuming he's being meek either, but it's what popped into my head because that's something I'm familiar with. I just think you're coming down pretty hard and decisively on the guy, given the context.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:38:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, I never talk to people because of the chance that their parent just died. VERY risky
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:56:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a supermarket and people that do this deserve to be shot after 90 seconds of standing there, immediately if they see/notice that they're in the way and don't move, dicks
Hispanic/Latina women do it, too. I think it depends on where you are from, of course.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:35:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband and i were shopping and a husband/ wife kept running into another woman, and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they would burst into the most excited spanish i have ever heard. We got stuck behind them four aisles in a row, then again at the exit.
That guy looked at us with the saddest, most defeated expression i have ever seen.
My husband later said they were exactly what chickens cackling would sound like if chickens spoke spanish.
Maybe some people are genuinely excited to see each other? Just a thought. Itโs like a cool little surprise to see someone out of context.. like when youโre watching an old movie and your new favorite actor had a small cameo in there
i like to go to the grocery store late at night when there's like nobody there. it's such a better shopping experience to be alone in the store.. just slowly wandering around while that typical grocery store music is playing and you can just leave your cart wherever the hell you want just awkwardly in the middle of walkways and shit while you peruse the wares because there's nobody around.
cayal3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like supermarket small talk is just horrible for everybody, awkward or not
Especially when those 2 people block the goddamn aisle for everyone else.
Ran into my youth group leader from church in the store once while I was extremely stoned. He wanted to chat, and I told him I was in a hurry and scuttled off to get snacks.
Thereโs no way in hell he didnโt know.
Another time I cut him off in traffic and he mentioned it to me later. I told him it was my dad driving my car. Iโm going to hell fersher
The worst. I ran into my best friends wife at the super market last week. It was the worst. Heโs going to be a groomsman in my wedding, but I tried to sneak by his wife so she didnโt see.
Iโm a pretty sociable person, and I donโt mind small talk a lot of the time, but youโre right. Supermarket small talk is the worst. I donโt know if itโs the setting, or the fact that we both just want to grab our things and leave yet feel compelled to talk, or if thereโs something in the air.
Once I ran into a very friendly old coworker and his wife when I was just going into the store to buy a candy bar to break a bill because I owed my friend some money, and I was subjected to having a 15+ minute conversation with him. My friend was waiting outside, and he got tired of waiting for me to buy a quick item that he walked back to my apartment. I think he was holding a pizza we just got, which is why he didnโt come in.
I'm awkward enough and have moved around enough in life, that I simply envy that people know each other and run into each other in a casual, infrequent manner.
I believe it's the whole feeling like you should talk since you know the person, but also both of you wanting to just go on with your day all the while neither of you wanting to be the first person to walk away.
I can blank on faces sometimes with people I don't know well, so it's even weirder and more awkward to pretend you remember this person while they go on and on. Last time this happened, the lady turned out to the woman who usually serves us at a local ice cream parlor - I couldn't have picked her out of a line-up for my life.
I'm terrible with these situations, but what I've learned to do is just get it out of the way, but don't linger. If I see someone I know (and don't want to actually talk to), I just pretend I'm in a hurry and move towards them even quicker. Then it's a quick "What up, so-and-so!" and I'm back to shopping. I don't even wait for a response. Eyes on the prize.
MRamo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a grocery store in a college town where I know a lot of people and I can't go a single day without some weird small talk exchange happening. It's terrible. Every interaction is somehow awkward.
It's super easy for me to get out of. I turbo shop naturally. Before I'm in the door I'm visualizing my route to grab what I need and get the hell out. If I run into someone it already looks like I'm on a mission, so I don't even pause, I just say, "Great seein ya, as you can see, I'm in a hurry." Every time they just say "You too!" or something like that, and crisis avoided.
Of course, then I feel obligated to double time it afterwards, and at my already quick pace, that can make me look like a crazy person.
Nah, just make it quick and concise. Ask how they are, stop shortly, then say nice to see them or we should make plans sometime or whatever you want, and then say well, gotta get back to the shopping, take it easy or have a good one. Boom, in and out in under 30 seconds and it was a pleasant conversation (as pleasant as small talk gets).
My new technique for when I see someone at the supermarket is to fast walk and offer a really surprised and affable sounding "Oh hey!". Sometimes I also do a finger gun. Or two. I hate myself.
qrseek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I could sit down, I would actually enjoy it I think.
samixon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats why I just say 'Hey, avanttard, what's up, man?' And keep walking.
Sometimes if I actually have a question, Ill say something like 'Hey, avanttard, Ive been meaning to ask you - what's your favorite color, bro?' And keep walking anyway because I know its blue since Im not an awkward piece if shit jerk that forgets his friend's favorite color...
cryolems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why is this the case? Like any other time I run into someone I know itโs usually not weird but at the grocery store or at Walmart or something it always ends up being super awkward, no matter what kind of relationship you have with that person.
Dydegu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โWhatcha got there, Triscuits? Well, see ya later.โ
Genuinely, last year I bumped into my actual best friends in the world as I was leaving the shop and they were on the way in. None of us were prepared for conversation at all so it went -
"Oh, hello, what're you up to?"
"Shopping."
"Yeah."
I normally pretend I don't see them even if it's the very obvious I'm-standing-right-beside-you-but-these-apples-are-suddenly-so-interesting scenario. Pretty awkward, but slightly less so
Everyone I work with knows I tend to space out fairly often. Itโs been a good excuse for avoiding people in public. Most of the time I genuinely donโt realize who it is before they come up to me.
sSommy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:28:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god I'm too shy to even do that, I feel forced to say hi and then it gets seriously *awkwardwhere I'm attempting small talk with them but have no idea how to respond to anything beyond a simple "Yeah!"
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh fuck me. I think I've done this in the bus. I was pretty fucking sure I knew the person who sit just beside me, like his head was 20cm away from mine, but I resisted looking left SO hard for like an hour. The thing is that I mentally blame myself but he had the exact same amount of fault for not saying hi smh
Kootsiak ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:05:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to never look anyone in the eye in public, so that you can never recognize anyone.
I had someone yelling my name and start trying to catch up to me in a mall I used to work in as I was leaving. I just picked up the pace, so did they, and yelled again, so I did again... I must have been almost jogging at this point, with my grocery bags visibly and noisily jostling around everywhere. They eventually gave up and turned around.
merkwerk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then they approach you anyway.
merkadoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do either that, or walk with a purpose like Iโm in kind of a hurry and just say โoh hey, whatโs up?โ and just keep walking.
bums me out when people do that to me :( makes me feel like they actually secretly hate me and only act friendly otherwise.
PoopNow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did that to an exSO. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. I just can't decide between fruit loops with marshmallows or without? It's a difficult decision that required concentration so I'll just stand here pondering until you move on."
She was rightfully hurt by my comment. I don't want to say our friendship never really fully recovered from it but it did change as a result. We're still in sporadic contact many years later across different countries so that is nice.
Explain what? That my awkwardness excuses acting rude? No, I did tell her I'm weird like that but left it at that and apologised for hurting her feelings.
Lanoir97 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:25:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I freeze up when I see people outside of the normal circumstances I know them in. Spotting a coworker in the wild is always weird. Also for running into people I went to high school with that I didn't hang out with because I know them, we just aren't friends. It's normally not bad but one girl who I half ass kinda knew is now a teller at my bank and I try to avoid going to her line if I can avoid it.
-Matt-- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:29:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did everyone else in the isle within earshot cringe up into little balls and put paper shopping bags over their heads until you were gone?
This made me giggle like a school girl! Great visual of the other shoppers wearing paper bags over their heads. Sadly we were the only three people in the aisle.
Spik3w ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:27:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same happened to me and my physics teacher when I was younger. Worst thing is she called me out for it infront of the whole class like wtf
My parents went to the grocery store and saw another couple they dislike, so they turned around and left without buying anything. Yup. That's my mom and dad.
Back then generally speaking yes. I was working in a different company back then, in a highly male dominated environment where I constantly felt intimidated or belittled and it took me a very long time getting used to their style of communication.
But some individuals really grew on me and really am life long friends with.
I do the opposite. This one coworker tends to go to the same places for lunch if I go out to eat. So I'll be there picking up takeout, and he'll be at the same place, and he'll say hi. But apparently everytime I've just been so zoned out that I never hear or see him and it seems like I totally ignore him. In the office we laugh about it, but I'm worried he thinks I hate him.
Wtkeith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I run into someone I know in the grocery store I'll say hi and chat for a sec, then to avoid future awkwardness I say something like "well I'll probably see you like five more times while I'm shopping but if not it was good to see you." then when I see them again I just say "see i told you so!"
The other day I ran into my boyfriend (of 2 years) in the grocery store, we were both horribly awkward because we didn't notice each other until we were in line at separate registers. So we just awkwardly waved at each other and kept glancing at each other. I got checked out way before he did so I just waved good bye without really saying anything. We basically live together. And it was STILL awkward running into him at the store, but we have no problem going to the store together.
The last sentence feels like a horror movie. Her head turned around like the exorcist. "I CAN SEE YOUU!!"
beaker90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a very small, private high school in one of the largest cities in the US. I now live 50 miles south of that school in a little town of about 6k people. A girl from the grade below me also lives in this little town and we see each other occasionally at the grocery store and other small town events. We have an unspoken agreement that we don't even acknowledge each other out in public. I know we both agree with it because we were doing separate alumni events at the school and she mentioned to the coordinator that we see each other around town!
LVAjoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One thing I've done is to do usual small talk and at the sight of the first lull in conversation I will say "well ran out of small talk I'll see you later"
Make sure to enunciate that though cause repeating it makes it real awkward
I used to work in a coffee shop in the downtown of our area, and wound up knowing EVERYONE. A decade later, I still run into the most random people-customers, former co-workers, relatives of former co-workers, etc. Some of them I'm happy to see, some of them... Not as much.
There was an executive at the company I worked for who wouldn't talk to ANYONE if he ran into them in public. At best you would get a very brief glance and nod. I loved that so much. I don't have to feel weird about talking to someone I don't really know.
When this happens to me I don't slow AT ALL say hi, smile real big, and say how are you AS im passing them. Dont give them the opportunity to make it akward. Just agressively walk past and save us both. I may come across as a jerk but Im the jerk we both need in that situation. I am Rick Grimes.
I ordered takeout from a burger place that sits literally right next to...another burger place. When I went to pick it up, I went to the wrong one. The cashier was like "you probably ordered from next door..." and I was all "Uh, no, my roommate (I didn't have a roommate) told me she called in the order...she must not have, I'll be back..." then I left, GOT IN MY CAR, drove around the block, parked on the other side street where I wouldn't have to walk by the wrong place and picked up my order.
xoxo4794 ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 04:15:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This Chinese place near my house has another location a few towns over. I called to order for pickup, and they asked me if I was sure I had the right number and location (without saying which one they were) and I was like 92% sure I was right, so I said yes. Ended up going to the location near my house to pick up my food, and they didn't have any record of my call. They were nice and made me a new order, but the other location started calling me and instead of owning that I had messed up, I blocked their number. I'm still embarrassed about it.
zjb55446 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine this going down as the correct place calling you repeatedly as you get your food, and you panicking and blocking the number so the other restaurant doesn't know. Great scene in my head.
Hahaha, similarly, one time my husband was out of town and I ordered a shit ton of Chinese food delivery just for me...I ended up falling asleep on the couch before they delivered it and woke up to many missed calls and angry voicemails from the restaurant and driver. I had to convince my husband not to order from them for a LONG while because I was convinced we were on some delivery blacklist!
I did this while on vacation in NYC. My sister REALLY wanted Olive Garden so we called in an order, asked the restaurant if they were at xxx address which was in walking distance, they assured us that Yes, they were. Her boyfriend and I walk over to pick up the order. We were in Times Square and it was Friday night so when we get there it is PACKED. We inform the front we're there to pick up food, they say it's not ready yet, so we shuffle to the side to wait. We then proceed to awkwardly shift around the lobby for over an hour and a half while we wait because neither of us is the confrontational type. Someone finally informs us they don't have that order, but they will make it for us. It dawns on me that maybe our food is somewhere else, but I don't want to admit it so I just go along with their suggestion that the order was lost. We grab the food and head back to the hotel, and the other location starts blowing up my phone wanting to know where we were. I was already exhausted and annoyed and on the verge of a panic attack (crowds, over-exhausted from traveling all day) so I just blocked the number.
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 07:56:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
shfiven ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 00:42:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something I would do except I would literally never go back to that place again after.
Inveera ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:34:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, so you're telling me that the cashier would have understood the situation, yet you chose to make it more complicated? God damn, that's some social anxiety.
Yeah. Mid-20's me was chock full of social anxiety before I even knew what it was. Self-deprecating now-me would have been/would be like "Oops, yep, I'm a dumbass. Thanks!"
Ms300 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:16:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this happened to me, I'd probably place an extra order with the cashier that pointed out my mistake but still go and pick up my original order next door too
I was supposed to meet a couple friends of mine at Olive Garden for lunch once. I got there first and went inside to get a table and recognized the hostess from high school. It was at this point I realized she works at Chili's which sits directly next to OG. Since we actually knew each other, I avoided that Chili's for 3 years until I heard she no longer worked there.
RudeCats ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:25:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha this reminds me of a time I got really high and went into this restaurant to get a sandwich, but I really walked into the restaurant next to it. I was thinking "huh they remodeled in here, menu is different too... huh it's all just pizza..." before I realized but I was too embarrassed to walk out so I just got a pizza
As a person who works at an Asian restaurant which is right next door to another Asian restaurant, this happens a lot. We donโt care :) although I once told a woman we didnโt have her order, she must have the wrong restaurant. She lost her shit at me and acted like I called her an idiot.
I did the same. Except i mixed "Pizza Pizza" and "Double Pizza" which in my tired mind were the same. Literally 1 corne block appart.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this just recently. I called in a dinner order at Cracker Barrel. When I went to pick it up I was told no one by my name had called in a take-out order. The cashier asked me which restaurant I called and I insisted I called that one but I was wrong. I laughed about it but the cashier wasn't laughing. She felt the need to call the place that I had actually called and cancelled my order. I didn't ask her to.
Restaurant: You don't have to leave and call, you can order it right here!
Them: Right, well, give me a minute. I'll be right back, just left my phone in my car!
dvvader ยท 1042 points ยท Posted at 22:45:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will get buried, but it's hilarious (in hindsight) so I'll share anyway. My wife and I had recently moved into a nice new neighborhood and enjoyed taking our dog for walks around it to check out the other houses and meet people. One evening, we were walking through a part of the neighborhood that we hadn't before when my dog decides to stop and take care of business right in the middle of the sidewalk at the end of the driveway. Nice... And wouldn't you know it, we forgot our doggie bags at home. Fucking great... My wife and I spent a few seconds contemplating the next steps and then it happened... I looked up and there were two guys standing in the driveway staring at us. Eye contact was made, no words were spoken, but the message they were sending was clearly received... "What are you gonna do about that shit in my driveway?!" A normal person would have apologized, explained the situation, and maybe asked for an assist. But I'm not normal... In a moment of panic, I bent over and scooped the shit up in my hands and started walking away. My wife followed suit, completely dumbfounded and trying to prevent herself from bursting into laughter. The two guys in the driveway looked at me like I was utterly insane. I carried the shit in my bare hands all the way down the street and around the corner until I was out of their sight in complete silence, reflecting on what I had just done. Unfortunately, in that time, the shit melted in my hot, sweaty hands like chocolate. I threw what was left into some bushes and wiped my hands off in the grass. My wife lost it, laughed her ass off, and ridiculed me the rest of the way home. Words can barely describe the shame I felt in that moment lol. Needless to say, we didn't walk that way again for a long time and have not forgotten our doggie bags since...
Holy shit, this whole thread is killing it. Funny as hell, man.
zangor ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 12:49:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What are you gonna do about that shit in my driveway?!"
Oh man, the 'doing awkward stuff around peoples houses' feeling is the worst. Or near their cars - near cars with people in them is worse, especially in a dark basement parking lot.
Fadra93 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:13:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.
Pjabs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:52:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was absolutely amazing, I loved every part of your story!
oh man, i laughed so hard i just woke my dog, who was sleeping at the end of my bed, up and she was just staring at me in a concerned/intrigued sort of way.
Then finically accepted i was a weirdo who was laughing to herself and laid her head back down with a sigh and sleepy eyes.
If I see some people in the distance that I think are people I've lost contact with from high school or whatever, I'll cross the street and go around another block or just cross and wait for them to pass to avoid them. It's not that they're bad people in the slightest... I'm just awkward as shit.
What are you doing with your life that makes you want to avoid that question?
Cunt_Bag ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:35:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing, which is the problem.
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 16:33:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're fortunate. I would avoid them because in my case, they were mostly bad people. Maybe you should talk to them sometime. Keep it light.
badashly ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:23:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My problem is I can't remember anyone's name after I had a seizure, so it's super embarrassing when I have to reintroduce myself...last week some kid in the grocery store that was working the till said "hey ashly!" as I checked out...he had a name tag that said Josh, but he looked like a 17 yr old kid - I'm 31- and I couldn't tell you where he knows me from if my fucking life depended on it. Had to admit to an extended family member yesterday (that I hadn't seen in almost 20 yrs) that I was sorry but didn't remember her at all. Super embarrassing not remember anyones names, dates, events....BUT, every time I watch a Rick and Morty episode, it's like watching it for the first time ๐
I try to do this, but I'm really bad with faces and my vision isn't great. So by the time I realize that I know them and want to avoid them, they've seen me and it's too late.
broham89 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL MOTHER FUCKER!! I thought I was the only one who did this :)
Rb1138 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:37:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's an awkward thing. I was walking with a friend one night, saw some people that looked really familiar, turns out our 10 year high school reunion was happening next to the bar we were on our way to. I had tons of friends in school, went to parties, just decided that I didn't want to have the same conversation thirty times. Took the long way around the block, had more fun at the bar.
Spiekie ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:50:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recently met an old friend I knew from kindergarten (we were like best friends until 4th grade, then lost contact), and it was just so weird, i wasn't even sure if it was him, and we both kinda just said "hi" and moved on lmao
I wouldnโt blame your awkwardness, I do this too
For some reason itโs weird to me and I canโt explain why; itโs like theyโre double strangers since you used to know them, forgot about them, and then remember them again without actually speaking
I ran and hid in another aisle while grocery shopping with my mom once because I thought I saw an ex. Wasn't him. Ex is in the Army and does not now, nor as he ever lived in my hometown.
Seeing an ex in public is like my worst nightmare. I'm pretty sure I saw mine in a grocery store too the other day. But I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I couldn't be sure. Spent the rest of the outing going down the aisles trying to find my current boyfriend while not looking anyone in the face to avoid potentially making eye contact with my maybe-ex. Finally made it out the store but was in a well concealed panic the entire time.
I pull out my phone and keep looking at it until I'm past the person hoping they either don't recognize me or assume I'm busy or distracted and leave me alone.
If I see someone I know and it's been a few years, I just ignore them.
They may not be bad people...I just dislike them for no real reason. And yes, I'm fun at parties.
4Eights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I avoid people like that too or I just continue past and don't acknowledge that they know me or I know them. I'm not a very likeable person and I was even worse when I was younger. I don't want to engage someone who definitely doesn't like me for one reason or another. Why force them into some awkward conversation where they're going to ask things about me that they don't care about or want to know at all.
It's just easier to skip that all together and keep walking. It's even easier if I have my headphones with me. I usually just keep them in while I'm at work or at the store so people just assume I'm listening to music even though I'm not.
You just reminded me that I'm pretty sure a kid at my college was one of my friends back in middle school that I lost contact with and I haven't talked to him.
Thompy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same except I'm not awkward, I just can't be fucked to have a pretend conversation of catch-up about people I don't care about.
Matt2486 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of do this. At the gym, grocery store, wherever. It's not that i'm feeling awkward, even though i kind of am. It's truly because i'm always feeling too lazy to do small talk. If i really want to talk to someone it's a breeze. If it's just an everyday oh hey, i'll just avoid them altogether. And if it's the gym i've gotten to the point where when i walk by them i'll have my headphones in and just fist bump them and wink or nod. Fuck it.
This isn't terrible. I worked retail in my hometown while attending university. One girl I knew from a few HS classes and several mutual friends stood directly behind her mother once she realized I was their cashier to avoid talking to me.
We were adults. I was wearing a nametag. It was a bra purchase, but that's my job and I obviously wear them too. Literally no reason to hide.
Man I do this to, just not with old acquaintances..... with anybody I know. It's to awkward to risk them seeing me if we're walking in the same direction.
I've done that with a old manager, I spotted him walking towards me from a good 300 meters away, hoped he hadn't noticed me so crossed to avoid walking past, he had noticed so crossed too just to walk past and say hi. :s
Me too. Walked into the store the other day and spotted an old friend from high school. Instantly turned down an aisle then back up the next and out the door trying to pretend they just didnโt have what I was looking for.
Darthok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretend I don't know them unless they say something to me first. I won't go out of my way to avoid them though.
I'm too self-conscious for that, I'm always the last to finish in social eating. But first to finish alone... Err wait, I mean I turn into Smeagle and food is "My Precious" or rather I turn into Precious and eat away my emotions. I'll take a baby fawn hostage in a full nelson before someone gets me to eat seconds publicly.
Might get buried, but when I was 13 I went to spend a week at my Grandmother's house out in the sticks.
She casually mentioned that her plumbing wasn't working well, so to not flush toilet paper. Somehow that meant to me that I couldn't poop in her house.
I ended up staying for 9 days, and on the way back my mom stopped at a gas station and I told her I needed to go to the bathroom, at which point I unleashed the 9 day kraken that had been gestating inside of me.
I was locked in that public toilet pooping for over an hour while my family sat outside in the car wondering what the hell had happened to me.
They wanted to know what happened, I told them, and they spent the next hour of the ride home making fun of me for not pooping for 9 days and taking so long.
โI loved Jason, but I mostly remember him for that one time he went to his Grandmaโs House and hadnโt shat for 9 days straight. On the way home we stopped at a gas station while he let loose thunder and lightning for an hour.
[deleted] ยท 13573 points ยท Posted at 16:13:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In French class in highschool everyone was talking over the teacher and she just couldn't get control over the classroom and she was getting increasingly frustrated and so was I. Just a whole room full of swirling talk and stuff. I wanted to tell everyone to quiet down but for some reason it got fucked up inside my brain and I barked like a dog.
Or, sort of like a dog? Just a deep guttural noise. Everyone stared at me. The teacher asked if I was okay. I was so embarrassed. Bonus points: I did this on two occasions. I don't know what's wrong with me.
EDIT: Paul is Paul Hollywood, his gaze haunts me from far away whenever I'm baking at home, since people keep mentioning it
bazoid ยท 4284 points ยท Posted at 17:49:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dear. This reminds me of an incident when I was about 8. My brother and I used to play all kinds of stupid pretend games, and at the time, we had this game where I would pretend to be a puppy. I got home from school one day and heard my brother talking to someone in his room. I thought I recognized the other person's voice as our babysitter, who was also in on the games. So I bounded into his room on all fours, barking and panting...only to see that he was actually talking to one of his friends, a boy I'd never met before. (At that age, girl's and boy's voices sounded pretty similar.)
My brother and his friend just stared at me for a moment. Then my brother said, "Yup...that's my sister." I backed out of the room and went to hide somewhere in embarrassment.
Reminds me of a guy who was in a community theater production of the Pirates of Penzance. Going out to dinner in a fancy restaurant, he spots a guy at another table who he thinks is one of his fellow cast members. So he swaggers up to the guy from behind, puts his arm around the guy's shoulder and shouts, "Ahoy, Matey! Aargh!" The shocked man and his entire table of table friends looked at him all shocked and scared and that's when he realizes it's not the guy.
kaenneth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:25:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LawnyJ ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 20:27:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have a friend whose sister would hiss at me like a cat when I got near her
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:27:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck lmao
Bluechis ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:04:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister and I have done that since we were teens (we are adults), and my six year old niece picked up on it. It's awesome. Best part is my niece's mom is our other sister, who has always thought we were nut jobs for hissing.
ApolloSt ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 21:41:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to imagine you just whined and walked away to hide while on all fours.
bazoid ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:53:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a little sister that would do that (be a puppy). While itโs awkward at the wrong time, itโs till a fond memory that I have :) I love my baby sis!
MarleyL4 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:18:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:27:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:10:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:49:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read this before
bazoid ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 19:31:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha...I do think I posted it to Reddit before, a while back.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:16:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bazoid ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:57:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. He did get married recently though, to his high school sweetheart! They're adorable!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:35:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have an awkward hug of solidarity, fellow awkward human.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:14:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats actually hilarious, do they remember that?
I think that's kinda common though, I did that.. I'm pretty sure I was younger than 8 tho
bazoid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:20:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if they remember - I never had the guts to ask. Also now that I'm thinking about it, I was probably even older than 8, because my brother couldn't have met this particular friend until he was at least 12 and he's only two years older than me...shit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its ok I lied, I was definitely older than 8 too
Swegh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:54:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that was the moment your brother's friend realized he was into pet play.
Kootsiak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I felt so much embarrassment for you, but also can't stop laughing from the mental image of that scene. I wish you nothing but the best in all future endeavours.
eruner11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:41:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear I've read this before
bazoid ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:49:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure I posted it to a different askreddit thread a while back!
bazoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, it was my post :)
roaf66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't the babysitter have a different voice than your brother? They probably aren't the same age
bazoid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mistook the friend for my babysitter. 12-year-old boy sounds not so different from 18-year-old girl sometimes. Also, they had the door closed or mostly closed so the sound was pretty muffled.
roaf66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You shouldn't feel too bad. I work with kids ranging from 4 to 12 and you'd be shocked at how many kids just randomly break out into animal character. Last week we had a boy pretend to be a gorilla for a few days, complete with the snarling and chest beating. He managed to organize a game of "gorillas vs poachers" though, which was kinda cool until it got violent.
Oh man. My parents had these friends and their kids were around my age. One younger and one older. The older girl was always really nice to me and would offer to take me out wherever she went. I was young, like 7 maybe. And she had to be closer to 14. So I was always excited to hangout with her. One day we were walking around her neighborhood and from the distance she sees a girl from her school and tells me how she doesn't like her. My only response was, "oh I'm sorry. Want me to bark at her?" Like.. what. Who says that. She replied with an awkward "no" and never really took me anywhere with her after that.
I had such extreme social anxiety as a child that the only way I'd interact with a stranger was to pretend to be a dog or cat in their presence. Never broke character, ugh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny. Me and my siblings used to pretend we were animals too. Horses I think.
Yeah, I feel like if the goal is to get a room quiet then a commanding, out of nowhere bark that gets everyone's attention is working better than any words would.
Ok but what if the bark didn't work and people just continued on like nothing happened? I think that might trigger my anxiety more actually. Oh God I just barked! Oh God no one stopped! Now I'm the weirdo who barked and they're all talking about it!
I'm a teacher, and I intentionally stand in the spot where the mic gets horrifying feedback squeals when my class won't quiet down. Pure evil, but damn does it work
Zuazzer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:44:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If more people had that mindset I probably wouldn't be considered so weird...
Oh god this is barely related but I rmbr in high school spanish class everyone was talking, the teacher was walking through rows and collecting homework. It was pretty loud but she wasn't trying to get everyone to calm down or anything. I figured I could fart and get away with it (I had been holding in this bad boy for 30 minutes). So I lean forward, try to let it slowly leak out, but the pressure was too much. A fucking trumpet blast. Cue the silence and stares, and everybody is looking at me. I pretend like I have no idea what is going on for one second, and when I turn around my teacher is also staring at me with everyone else, except her jaw is literally dropped as far as it can go. I say "OH I didn't fart, that was just my foot kicking the leg of the desk!"
So I proceed to kick the leg of the desk, AND THE DESK HAS MY FUCKING BACK. It made a similar noise and I have never had somebody look out for me like that so shoutout high school desk, you were a day 1 bro!!!
I had the same experience in my high school French class, the teacher cried often and only lasted one year.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:34:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same experience in my French class. The teacher lasted one year. Where did you go to school? Uh... Ou es tu allez l'ecole? God, I'm sorry, French teacher.
Small town in Michigan, also I unfortunately remember almost no French from it. I remember un feuille de papier cause it sounds a lot cooler than a piece of paper :)
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:47:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, not bad. Canada for me. I didn't remember feuille at all. I got 85% on my final oral exam with zero studying, but I remember only about 25 words.
Well hello neighbor! I love your country, I go to Toronto every chance I can, Windsor is more often though since it's only an hour and a half away. Where aboots in Canada are you from? :P
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in Toronto for 13 years, now in the States. Windsor is probably a safer bet, as I hear from reliable sources that Toronto isn't what it used to be. Michigan's always fun, though. I even like Detroit, lol.
I was upset that my school didn't offer Spanish cause it seemed like it would be more useful. Fast forward 6 years, working in kitchens the whole time, I know vastly more Spanish now than french.
Paul haunts me too. This week I made a loaf of lemon bread and when I pulled it out of the oven and saw that the top had split I was just like "Paul and Mary would be disappointed."
This shit worked for my basketball team one time, 3 seconds on the clock and my coach had seen this play from another team. In bound the ball under our basketball, kid on the farther side from the ball gets on all 4's and starts barking like a dog, other team obviously distracted and we get the ball in bounds with basically an uncontested layup for the game winner.
Eh I do this as an adult. Not literally bark like a dog, but when people are just going "rabble rabble rabble" I make a sound roughly transcribed as raragagagagara and point to indicate who should speak first. After they are done, I look at who should speak next in reply.
It is blunt but surprisingly effective at restarting things to a more productive level.
Similar situation happened to me in HS except instead of me losing my shit it was the Spanish teacher. I think she was a second year teacher at the time. Completely broke down into tears and left the classroom. I think someone from the office came in a few minutes later and just kinda hung out until the teacher came back.
I sort of felt bad for her, but it wasn't like the class was any more out of control than normal for high school, this person just wasn't cut out for it. I saw that she's doing photography now and I'm happy that she got out of teaching for both hers and her potential students' sake.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:44:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This teacher I was talking about had a number of situations like this happen. One time she was showing some lovely vacation photos and this troublemaker in our class said "nice double chin" and she left the room to the bathroom to cry for like 20 minutes of class it was a whole thing.
Jesus. Fuck that kid, but also that's another teacher who really should be doing something else. That kid was an asshole and should be punished, but you can't have teachers leaving the room to cry on a regular basis.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:42:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, this chick also got suspended for slapping a (different) teacher or something like that so I'm inclined to say no teacher was prepared to deal with her
8th grade science class. I had an annoying tickle in my throat. I tried clearing my throat, didn't work. I finally made a cross between a long wheeze and a throaty cough. I got the same reaction as you.
What reminds me of a time in fourth grade when, for some reason, "jinxing" people was popular, as in calling out "jinx" when two people said the same thing at the same time.
I remember our class was in a long row of desks with the teacher sitting at the head and I was I think a seat or two away from her. She went to all ask a student a question when they both went "what..."
"JINX!"
I screamed. Everyone just freaking stared at me for like ten seconds. Then the teacher scolded me for yelling. I was so embarrassed.
There was once an argument between a student and the teacher in one of my classes that ended when the student responded to the teacher's latest claim with an impressively accurate wookie noise. She just had no response to that.
bawlzes ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:28:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't Reddit Silver banned on Ask Reddit, cause if it wasn't this post would be a great opportunity.
BCMM ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:46:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a bot banned from here despite it never posting here because I used that account to respond to someone who asked a question specifically about that bot. It's absurd.
Oh! This is very similar to how I got my nickname!
I had first period Spanish class my freshman year and it was rather terrible. The teacher was horrible and the students were completely uninterested. Well one day our teacher is delivering this brutally long lecture to the whole class about how we are all lazy and will never accomplish anything, and for reasons that I to this day cannot explain I stood up and announced to the class โIโm a snorkel.โ And sat down.
Stunned silence... Teacherโs mouth hanging open... And then 30 seconds later she moved on and began teaching the dayโs lesson.
My nickname has been snorkel ever since.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:25:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying at my desk right now
I can't breath....I can not breath
bg-j38 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:40:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a big work meeting we had in a huge open space at my old company. Some big announcement was made and everyone started cheering. Suddenly this guy I'm friends with starts screaming like a fucking excited chimpanzee. It was amazing.
I went to a concert once, and the band manager was trying to shush people so he could make some announcement. After minutes of seeing him fail at quieting people, I shouted โshut up!โ While breathing in instead of breathing out.
It makes my voice a lot deeper and like 3 times as loud. Every single person in the venue stopped and stared at me which allowed the guy to speak.
When I was in high school, I hardly ever talked to people, much less in the hallways. Well this guy I got to know said hi to me one day as I'm zoning out walking to my next class and I just kinda looked at him startled and make this abrupt, surprised sound that definitely sounded like a small dog barking. I was so taken aback that anyone would say hi to me, I couldn't process a simple greeting.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:54:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's, unfortunately, the exact same situation, in the same class, with the same teacher, but on a different day. I think everyone probably thought I had some kind of undiagnosed mental condition. I probably do.
The first part of this reminds me of my Year 7 English teacher, she had no control over the class and one day she snapped and yelled "WELCOME TO MISS BITCH!!". For two weeks of lessons we had to sit and do test papers in complete silence, anyone who even whispered would get sent out. She moved to a different high school that year.
Reminds me of this "christian standup comic" who came to our church once when I was a kid.
He told a story about cheating on tests in school, how he'd make a different "sneeze" or "cough" sound if the answer was A, B, or C or whatever. Then his friends would know the answers and everyone would pass the test.
Then, of course, once of the last answers was "All of the above", so he had to make every noise at once.
He probably stole it from a joke book or something
Tiekyl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was standing in a circle at band camp waiting to be called to attention and, when the drum major was about to say "Band, attention go!" I accidently said it aloud with her. :(
I also was trying to read with every vowel being a hard vowel and started chanting it out loud in the middle of class. Not my best moment.
I do this but not animal noises. My brain works faster than my mouth and so I'll want to say "well that's nice, have any plans for the holidays?" (Then proceed to think about the holidays myself) and it actually comes out as gibberish or I'll stutter even though I don't have a stuttering issues. So something like "well, well, well that's plans for holidays?" And pretend like nothing happened.
I did something similar in kindergarten and I yelled shush very loudly. Every kid stopped talking to look at me. Granted, we were all young so I'm sure I'm one of the few who remember it happening.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paul is Paul Hollywood. His judgmental glare haunts me from afar every time I bake at home.
jsulliv1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a student (college) who does this all the time. Also barks greetings to his friends. Also gave a presentation on how to bark. Everyone loves him. So, you aren't alone, and maybe it wasn't as bad as you think. You likely made everyone feel happier!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember the looks. I... I don't think that's what was happening.
I was walking in the hallway in middle school and dropped my binder as cool kids the grade below me were walking by. Instead of just picking it up I decided it would be cooler to "barely even care" and kick my binder across the hall, towards the classroom I was going in. It instead spread it's contents everywhere.
I actually had a drawing of my least favorite teacher being killed in my binder and dropped it one day, teacher found it and I got suspended for a week. Middle school edginess amirite?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:38:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I drew pictures of a bully in class getting her head chopped off and got sent to the counselor :(
So they saw all your drawings of monster, veiny penises?
Rhuey13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to do this all the time with books and notebooks. Nothing ever flew out though. Teachers said I was being disrespectful which I really enjoyed. And people thought I was cool so I guessed it worked
In middle school I thought I would look cooler if I jumped off the stage after drama class instead of using the stairs. Ended up looking my footing as I went to jump and face planting. Then decided it was cooler if I acted like it didn't faze me and jumped right back up, only to collapse again as I realized I had broken a rib.
Please tell me you just laughed at the contents spilling everywhere and just walked all over them with a "ha ha fuck you contents of my binder for the class I'm going to" kind of smile on your face.
I did the same thing in high school except I was the freshman and wanted to show the older kids I was cool. I was also that awkward kid with the humongous binder that held like 5 subjects. There were a lot of papers to pick up.
livemau5 ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 17:40:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its*. The only time you use "it's" is to say "it is".
Wow, so many downvotes. Don't worry, grammar fascism is a toss-up. One day you'll get -30 for pointing out a mistake, the next you'll get +100.
livemau5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a complete hit or miss.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I was a gr 12 in highschool the gr 8 and 9 were bigger and taller then us (most of the gr12 and 11), some of them were quite rambunctious we avoided them.
97Ladybug ยท 432 points ยท Posted at 19:45:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accidentally took the plastic tube home from the bank drive through, I don't know why but I couldn't bring my self to take it back even though it would've been funny and not embarrassing at all. A couple days later the bank called and asked if I had the tube. I said no of course. They totally knew it was me because of the cameras. Never gone to that branch again
rgdenis ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 00:29:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao. idk why this is the fucking funniest I've read so far. You sad human.
I got change for my store for the first time, and the teller set a bunch of small bills and a metal tray of dime rolls on the counter for me. Then someone needed her so she told me have a nice day, and walked away. I put the whole thing in my bank bag and got heavily ridiculed at work for stealing a bank tray. I took it back like two weeks later, just nonchalantly placed it on the counter.
My father once put a bunch of rolls of change (along with quite a bit of paper cash) in one of those tubes to deposit in his bank. The minute the suction started and the tube was barely moving he realized his mistake. It got stuck in the first bend of the tube and they had to call a repairman to come get it out. My dad had to wait for the whole process to make sure it got deposited as the bank isn't responsible for the money until they've physically touched it. So at least you didn't shut down lane 3 of the drive thru at the bank for 3 hours on a Friday while awkwardly having to wait for the repair man.
lol when I was little my aunt told me this story about this guy she knew who accidentally left with a bank tube and she said the cops were at this dudeโs house waiting for him when he got home and they arrested him for stealing government property.
I'm late but here we go. This was back when I first started dating my girlfriend, now wife of 18 years. We were probably 17 at the time. We were at my parent's house, nobody else home, chilling in my room when I got that old familiar rumble in my gut letting me know it was time to take a shit. The problem, at least in my mind, was that the only bathroom was right across the hall from my bedroom. I thought there is no way I can let her hear me ripping ass, let alone smell the funk that was sure to follow. So I said, "Hey, I'm thirsty. I'm going to run down to the kitchen and grab something to drink. I'll be right back." I booked it downstairs, whipped out the trash can in the kitchen, pulled down my pants, and commenced to take the quickest shit of my life. I wiped my ass with a few napkins, dropped them in and then hauled the bag out to the dumpster. Ran back in the house thinking my plan worked, and there she was, waiting for me in the kitchen, along with the foulest shit smell you could imagine. Thinking quickly I said, "Can you smell that? The dog pooped on the floor so I ran it out to the dumpster." She said, "Yeah, what's wrong with him? It smells like human shit!" I was like, "I know! Let's get out of here," grabbed a pop from the fridge, and went back upstairs. Still haven't told her to this day.
InkyGrrrl ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 02:07:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's time to tell her, just so you can tell us her reaction.
Do it... for science!
joder_ ยท 202 points ยท Posted at 20:13:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a neighbors house making friends with the people who had just moved in, when I suddenly felt the call of nature deep in my belly. So I had two options, I could either make this fact known, and use the facility like a person, or I could initiate a game of hide and seek, and while my friend hid, I could pinch a loaf in the corner of his backyard.
Apparently I took too long, because he stopped hiding, came and found me, and immediately told his parents.
The best part is, I could have walked to my house, it was in the culdesac across the street.
Also, anytime I had to cross the road as a kid, if there was a car in view that would have to stop for me, I would pretend like I didn't need to cross and keep walking. One day I was walking after school let out and the cars just kept coming, so I kept walking. Walked all the way around the entire neighborhood twice before I could cross the street without inconveniencing random drivers. I even waved them on if they looked like they would stop for me.
joder_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They called my parents, and I got to enjoy that wonderful feeling of soul sucking dread that you can only experience when you're on your way to be punished by your parents, and you have no idea how they'll react.
In actuality all they made me do was apologize, go pick it up with the dog poop shovel, and explain to me why it's frowned upon to poop in other people's yards. It worked, haven't done it since. I was only 9 or 10 at the time, for reference.
I was once smoking in my garden and heard my front door open, now knowing no one was supposed to be home i immediately thought the worst: "oh no, a burgler." Because of my stupid paranoia instead of going in and seeing who it was like a normal person i decided to climb up to my bedroom window. I climbed up the fence (breaking it as i did so) and scrambled up the window ledge and peered in my room to see my brother furiously jacking off in our shared bedroom. He glanced up at me and shouted " Oi, what the fuck are you doing?" I just let myself drop from sheer embaressment and stupidity (luckily not hurting myself too badly except from a twisted ankle).
Dwashelle ยท 2884 points ยท Posted at 18:25:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now's my time to shine.
I confined myself to my room for 3/4 days to avoid talking to relatives I had never met before; they were visiting and staying in the house. I drank water from the bathroom tap and snuck downstairs to get food when they were gone out for the day. They flew back to the US without having met me.
It's okay I did this just this past summer, and I am 30. And I live with my mom and step-dad. And my room is like right in the middle of the house and guest room. And there were about 20 people staying at the house, in the living room, all over. And I had to give up my room so I was staying in my daughter's room.
Thanks I have posted it in a mental health sub I frequent but maybe I will post it elsewhere. It's just very rough and needs proper care to make it marketable i think
gus_ix ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:22:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me, my mom had a co-worker staying over for a couple of weeks, and I didn't make eye contact with him for days until he made a Breaking Bad reference inaccurately and I corrected him.
If you're ever in this situation again, going to a Barnes and Noble or other bookstore and reading all day is a good option. Then they won't think you're weird and that you have a social life.
Totally me... Except people will just come into my room to say hello and try to talk. It would probably be easier watching porn and having them walk in and say what the fuck than to awkwardly try to care when I don't at all. I've starved myself to avoid human contact, it's still worth it imo.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:54:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not joking I do this about 50% of the week because I rent a room from a family from my church who I didn't know before moving in. Lol I feel bad because I don't want them to think I hate them, but I just really loathe small talk
Fuck I did the same!!!! One day when I was like 17 I woke up at 10 am, and heard that a bunch of out of town relativesy were already in the living room. The worst part is that in my house there is no way to go to the bathroom and/or kitchen without being noticed... So by the time they left I almost peed and shat myself. And obviously starving and as thirsty as a man stranded in the desert...
Since that day I keep a bunch of water bottles (full and empty) in my room. Just in case.
avacatt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:39:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
done this a million times and still do. I should just start stocking up on food at this point.
zangor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:36:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stocking up on food is a good method. I go to the supermarket once every 2 weeks or so to get sale items like granola bars with chocolate on the bottom and welchs fruit snacks. It's a pathetic diet - but I barely eat and utilize my bench press so it evens out sort of.
My aunt and cousin visited from interstate earlier this year, and had to crash at mine. I was so uncomfortable that I went to bed at 7.30PM cos I was tired, just to avoid awkward relative convos. However, I was sleeping on the couch and letting them have my room, so basically I forced them into the confinement of my bedroom for 12 hours.
Next time they came to visit, they stayed in a hotel.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:07:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my aunt and uncle were visiting for two days and I stayed in my room the entire time just smoking weed and sleeping and I didn't eat. The social anxiety is too real
renekbob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O do this but not as hardcore as you.
utried_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck lmao sounds like something I would have done if my parents didnโt always force me to help โentertainโ.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to sneak around at home to avoid anyone that I could hear visiting, and on more than one occasion I was caught half-crouched slinking down the hallway on tiptoe. Just had to act like I was walking normal, or sometimes remain in that stance and then keep walking like it, and just say I'm sick if it comes up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister used to be really bad at this. Whenever my parents had visitors (they were always in the kitchen) my sister would sneak into her room and not come out till they went away. I often had to get her food. Meanwhile I had zero qualms and would often cook in the background while my parents were discussing work or other stuff with people I had never met before.
I've done this to relatives I had met before but didn't want to chat with. It felt more like an intrusion because I didn't ask for them to come over. Never have to encounter this again now that I live alone and I don't have to worry about other people inviting guests.
I still cringe thinking about stuff like this too. A couple of years ago I was renting a room which had an ensuite and a boyfriend I had came round to stay for the first time. I had to go poop so afterwards I put loads of toilet cleaner down the toilet to hide the smell after and came in and casually told him how I clean the toilet every night before bed and so that's why I was so long in the bathroom...he just gave me this look like '...okay...'
2ii2ky ยท 207 points ยท Posted at 22:51:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Casual excuses as to what took me so long in the bathroom are my forte
What's horrible is when they actually ask you, "Hey are you okay in there?" when you're taking too long.
Like, wtf people? If someone is taking a while in the bathroom, you fucking know why! Also, do you want an honest answer to that?
"No. My asshole is like Mt. St. Helens right now. It's like a god damn biblical disaster in here and I'm questioning the very meaning of life. My anus is bleeding and I feel like I am shitting actual ghost peppers. No, I'm not okay, Sheryl!"
You know there is an instinctual reason why mothers have an affinity for poop, they can tell if you're sick or if something is wrong with your diet by the looks of your poop. Back when we were cavemen, the mothers of the tribe were in charge of collecting everyones poop each day to analyze and sort. The healthiest poops went into one pile and the diareah and the likes were baked into baked goods so that their husband and children could reabsorb the remaining nutrients.
amanko13 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:45:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the more you know... though still, I'd prefer it if no one knocked on the door whilst I'm having a poo. That's me time. Also, asking "what are you doing?" when you're having a poo is the most frustrating question. I'm in the toilet, it doesn't matter if I'm having a fucking rave! what I'm doing in there is none of your Goddamn business!
Because you could be dead or something. I mean if sounds are coming from the bathroom then yeah you're probably fine but if it's dead silent for 10 mins maybe you went down like Tywin Lannister.
Also some people need things like tp but don't like calling for help from the bathroom and getting everyone's attention or maybe they blocked the toilet and freaked out or there was a spider in there, who knows
mattleo ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:09:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess there will be only 7 planets after your done because it sounds like uranus is getting destroyed
I assume that they're pooping, but I check anyway to make sure they didn't faint or something.
ChaiHai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, once the bf passed out drunk in there. I honestly just thought he went into the computer room after x amount of time and continued happily away on my tablet.
Then when I finally needed to go, I had to pound on the door for five minutes to get him to wake up.
My version of this is batshit insane paranoia about taking too long in the bathroom when I am NOT pooping.
In high school, I had friends who would ask to go to the bathroom and then go wander the halls...never could I ever, because someone might say "Kellraiser's been gone a long time, maybe she had a stomachache" which is clearly the most embarrassing thing anyone could ever say in the history of the universe.
Oh, and, if I actually do find myself required to poop in public, I will lie and say I'm going somewhere else that reasonably requires more time.
I do this too. Or I'll say I'm going to the bathroom, but then on my way back maybe I got caught in a conversion I couldn't escape. Or perhaps I needed a drink. I'll find an excuse.
flubba86 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 23:19:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my wife is taking 25+ minutes in the toilet, I start shouting out things like "Do you need some help? Have you fallen in? Do you need me to assemble a rescue party? Are you ready to come out yet? Should I send in the rescue party?"
"I missed" is a perfectly acceptable answer. At least it was for that kid in daddy daycare.
Yossi25 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, everytime I take a big shit. For the next hour afterwards, I have loud farts. It's like the turds release, so now the gas later wants to come out.
Unsure if that happens to you, but holding those fuckers in while my bf / gf is spooning me is super hard.
D3aek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was like this until I went to university. Now i'm just like "I gotta go take a shit. Might be a while."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is embarrassing to poop when you're with someone for the first time. I remember a very long time ago feeling embarrassed when my not-yet husband visited me and my family for the first time and I brushed my teeth within hearing distance of him. I was an awkward person back then.
luzzy91 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 23:14:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did a 3 day two night backpacking trip with my older brother and niece and nephew (who are just a couple years younger than me ) My niece was probably like 15 at the time and she held her poop the whole time to avoid pooping in a hole in the ground lol...she was sooooo miserable on the hike back and was in the bathroom for a while when we got back to civilization
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:57:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm 100% convinced this is what would happen if I try to get my boyfriend to go camping with me. Heโs a bit of a diva and needs a toilet to poop. Just dig a hole and bury it like a real man!
Short story time. Earlier this year, my state had an invasion of gypsy moth caterpillars. These fuckers were everywhere at my aunt and uncle's house, so much so that you were constantly in danger of having multiple crawling/falling on you. Defoliating trees, the works.
They have a patio which had what looked like lots of dirt on it. Nope. Caterpillar poop.
When early on in dating my husband, he lived across the street from the college we were attending. To avoid doing a #2 at his apartment I would make excuses to go on campus (going for a walk, buying coffee, studying) and I'd use the single-stall toilets there instead.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:45:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to spend weekends at this lass' university dorm who I was seeing back in the day and she basically just had a tiny bedroom with an adjoining bathroom... I was too embarrassed to go for a shite with her within earshot, even though she wasn't uptight or weird about anything like that.
Every weekend for over a year I pretended I liked to go for walks by myself just so I could go to a nearby pub and take a shit.
slanid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:17:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this with my husband, that I live with. Oh I'm just gonna run to the grocery store real quick at 9:30pm for nothing in particular.
One time I did this, except I went camping with my roommate and her fiancรฉ. I wanted to poop, but I thought about it and realized that a. I wouldnโt know what to do with the used toilet paper, b. I wouldnโt know what to do with the poop, and c. they brought their own wet-wipes, and I didnโt know if I was allowed to use them.
I could have just asked, and everything would have been fine, but I just didnโt poop that whole weekend. When I came home, I got there before they did and, I dropped a deuce the size of Texas. No Iโll effects, though I did feel surprisingly refreshed after I finally pooped.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:13:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had the opposite happen! I visited my Argentine gf (I'm from the states) near Bs As and gave exactly zero fucks about pooping and being a pooper. Until I got a couple days worth of Argentine food in me. My system was NOT a fan. I didn't shit for a week and a half. My stomach hurt so bad that I had to have my then girlfriends mom make me some home remedy of like warm prunes and some kind of juice. Didn't work. Had to have my gf translate my request for help because my Spanish was garbage back then. I love Argentina but man that was a tough week and a half.
Thobalt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:50:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm currently far from home and am squeaking out little rabbit poop nuggets when I get the chance and movement. I'm a little tempted to spend one night getting smashed so I can have one of those bowel cleansing hangover shits to be rid of it all.
Heart of civilization, complete diet, enough curry to define a meal or three, and still it's a struggle.
'course, you prolly didn't really want to know any of this, but I'm on the John now and it's slow going. Suffer as I do.
Wherever you're flying back to, change it to Miami. I got stuck in Miami on my way home and the airline gave me a night in a hotel and a room service voucher. Literally less than 20 minutes after my meal I was a fucking upside down volcano. But you prolly didn't wanna know any of that.
CalcBros ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I first got together with my wife, she told me that she never pooped because ladies didn't poop. We got married and I still never saw her poop and she'd say there was a reason I didn't have proof...because she didn't poop.
I'd get home from work and if she wasn't in the living room, I'd run towards the bathroom to catch her...but somehow always missed her. It wasn't until a couple years into marriage that I caught her and that was an awesome day.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:22:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was sleeping over at my girlfriend's house - I think we were 16 or 17. Her parents weren't supposed to come home, but they did.
So I hid in her room, in her closet while her dad came to talk to her. I stayed in there while they all had dinner together, then we fucked on the sly and I examined my options.
I couldn't leave because her room was in the back of the fucking apartment, and to get to the front door I'd need to walk by the living room where her parents were watching TV.
This was one of those old-style Parisian apartments that are all open everywhere to let the light in. Nowhere to hide.
So I was like, whelp I guess I'm sleeping over, or at least I gotta wait till her parents go to sleep and then sneak out without waking them.
Problem is, I start to get this pressing urge to shit. I can't hold it in.
The bathroom didn't have a toilet, just a bathtub and sink. There was a separate toilet room (another feature of those old Parisian apartments), but to reach it I'd also have to walk by the living room where her parents were.
So I told my girlfriend, "if you love me you'll go watch TV with your parents and never ask me what happened during the next 10 minutes."
I snuck out to the only room I could reach without revealing my presence: the kitchen. I grabbed a saucepan and I took a huge shit in it, and then I threw it (the shit) out the window of my girlfriend's room, and quickly rinced the saucepan.
She comes back and all's well, we have a good talk and then her dad knocks on the door so I hide again.
Apparently, he saw something weird going on from the living room window and wanted to check something. So he opens the bedroom window and whaddayaknow, my turd had gotten caught on the roof tiles and was just lying there, staring the old man in the face.
They never solved the mystery of the unknown roof-shitter, but I could never again relax my anus in the presence of that girl and we eventually broke up.
Matt2486 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:28:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time i pooped at my ex-gf's apartment i told her, "i uh....i need to go...do my taxes. I'll be back."
From there on out, anytime i'd go to the bathroom. "Doing your taxes?"
Lol reminds me of when a old bf of mine I guess didnt want me to know he farted early on in the relationship. One day I left the room and 30 seconds later I heard a loud fart come from his room. I should have been the nice girlfriend and pretended I didnโt hear, but instead i bursted out laughing and said I heard that.
So it's not me but... my sister... clogged her boyfriends toilet in his new apartment. He didn't have a plunger. She used her hands to scoop the poop out of the way to let it drain. She told me to never tell anyone. Eh.
My best friend is so weird about pooping. She used to date this guy for about 2-3 years in college. When she stayed at his house (very often), she would go to the gas station down the street just to poop.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend shamelessly farted in front of me the second time we ever hung out.
Wait....you are a guy, yes? I thought only girls held in farts and poop to pull the wool over their bfs eyes that only sugar and spice ever came out of us. Of course when you come from my family that had regular burping and farting contests at the kitchen table; as well as stories of totally grossing people out and making them gag on your farts, well....I am not shy about that. Except in my D&D group. Omg itโs all guys except me and thatโs the way I like it and they never burp or fart.....I mean...come on...I guess itโs gonna be me โrole playingโ my cleric have some rotten egg farts or something.
sheikd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:48:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend stayed with my family on our vacation and I didn't poop for like 5 days because of it. I finally just was like "I GOTTA SHAVE SO I'M GONNA BE AWHILE IN THE SHOWER BYE"
I feel like an important note is that we had been dating for 5 months and we were both 18 so it's not like we're 24 year olds in a long term relationship
Reminds me of when I went camping with my girlfriend. I drank a massive amount of beer and liquor so the next morning I had to make multiple liquid diarrhea runs to the bathroom. Well she decided to go with me one of the times. And conveniently the janitor was in the men's room cleaning the bathroom. So he says "if you two know each other, you can both just go into the ladies room". She picked the stall next to me. Took much effort to explode that hot liquid shit out of my ass in the least violent way.
Caillend ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:07:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents have this awesome story about farting.
First time she stayed over...he held it in until late at night...he was probably real awkward at that point...
So my mom asks him, what it is. He explained that he was too embarrassed. A second later my mom let out a good one...so did my dad and they are still married after 35 years.
In high school, I went out to lunch with my GF and her dad. When we got back to their house I had to shit so bad, but their house was tiny. Like 1000sq ft or fewer. So I thought up my best excuse to leave for a few minutes, "I need to go change my pants." I drove about a mile away, pulled over and shit in the woods.
I used to do this as a kid, but only because I clogged the toilet almost every time and I hated it. Hated having to plunge it. I would hold it until I couldn't anymore, which, in hind sight, contributed to the vicious cycle.
Hrynkat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I try to prevent this sort of thing by making a poop joke as soon as possible, like if they obviously just pee for 3 seconds I say "have a nice poop?" I feel like it breaks the tension via the humor train and makes everyone feel a bit more comfortable?
Whenever I'm in a new place my anus just dries up for like three days. Also when I was little I regularly went like 4 or 5 without pooping, then released a nuclear shit-rock and clogged the toilet without fail.
When I was still just dating my wife, I was staying with her at her parents once. The bathroom was in the main hallway between the bedrooms and the living room. Lots of back and forth traffic. I discovered it's easier to turn on the fan (if you're lucky enough to have one) and turn on the shower for the morning poop. Poop quick, shower quick, then you're in there for medium-ish time and the smell manages to clear out by the time you're done. No one was the wiser.
I went on a snowboarding trip with a bf and his friends and I would strategically plan how I would poop without them knowing. I had always made up excuses to go down to the lobby so I could use the restroom there.
Vitpat8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can top this hard. When I was around 12 I went to some camp a super large church my parents went there was doing. They basically forced me to go but I didnโt care too much. But they crowded like 12 kids into each room which only had one bathroom, with no lock, that had a sign on it saying it clogs easily. The first day the kids I got stuck with were opening the door on other kids and making stupid jokes. Not knowing any of them, I was immediately super hesitant on interacting with any of them, so I kept to myself and was glad I did, but now I was way to shy to use the bathroom. I thought about doing it in the middle of the night but the beds were creaky and I was on top of one the bunk beds, so in my head I risked waking everybody up. Because of this, I held in having to crap for the 5 days camp lasted. At the end we were waiting for the bus to come and it was already like an hour and a half late, so I decided to look for a bathroom with no one around. Well while I was looking the bus finally came and they had to come find me, so I ended up having to get on the bus and get a seat with everybody staring at me. Thankfully they played some movie to keep me occupied. To this day I have no idea how I went that long without at least crapping my pants.
lutrewan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First night staying at my new gfs place, I had to poop real bad. Ended up clogging the toilet. We had to go out to buy a plunger. I think being backed up for days would have been preferable.
Sigilus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like that would warrant a visit to the ER or some shit for holding it in for that long
When I was in Elementary school, I absolutely hated public bathrooms and would never trust sitting on the toilets and so every time that I had to poop, I would hold it in until I got home. I did this several times and got increasingly blocked up and ended up holding in my load for 14 days straight.
I once told my new boyfriend I had to get something from the store, and then left his house just to poop in a nearby cafรฉ.
Rikolas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mannn, I learnt to do things like "hey, check out this 50 second youtube clip real quick, I'll just go pee" and leg it into the bathroom, force that shit out, hope to god it's a quick 2 wiper". Flush. Wash hands at speed of light. Dry. Then re enter and hope they have only just finished the clip.
My boyfriend admitted to doing this! He only came over on the weekends, but wouldn't poop. He'd apparently wait until he got home on Sunday night and spend all evening in the bathroom. So much so, it became a joke between him and his sister.
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-girlfriend used to go and "get us some coffee". She would just go across the street and do it at Costa Coffee or Starbucks. I on the other hand I would just go occasionally into the other room to fart. For pooping I would try and do whatever I could in a few milliseconds when I entered the toilet to not make any noise or smell the WC. Oh fun times, I miss her.
0_NvMi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha I did this whenever I stayed at my gf parents until I had a dodgy stomach , all good , finished the business 2am or something and my phone decides to belt out spice girls stop right now waking the whole house up, franticly trying to turn the stupid Facebook video off...emma why does your boyfriend like spice girls so much, hes 27 :-(
MrRieper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:33 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the same thing when I visit my grandfather's, although that's just because his toilet's needed fixing for about a decade.
I'm in that awkward stage with my current interest. He's more comfortable pooping at my apartment while we're together than I am.
joeimay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:04 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is where poo pourri comes in to save the day. I did this for a year though every time I'd visit my boyfriend at his house (still lived with his parents) I physically couldn't poo.... got to a point where my body wouldn't even feel the need to poo... until I was 5 mins from my house. Then the stomach pains would set in and I'd go hot and cold all over. Happy to say I've gotten over that now and can go anytime... with the introduction of poo pourri that is
This is embarassing, but the best stories usually are.....
My first week as a freshman at a Catholic highschool.. It is all so new to me. I had to adhere to a dress code which ment pastel button down shirt, khaki pants, belt, tucked in, tie, blazer, etc.... I am sitting in math class zoning out and thinking about cute girls in my grade when I hear my name called. "Would you like to do this proof on the board?" ...Like I had a fucking choice. Normally this is a non issue but I look down after snapping out of my daydream and notice I have a massive erection. Now as a newcomer to Catholic school education, I had yet to learn the classic waistband tuck technique, so in an effort to buy time, I reluctantly started moving at absolute half of a half of a snail's pace. Now another unfortunate side effect of being in the first week of freshman year, no one knows anyone.SO everyone is looking at each other like "who the fuck is this weird turtle guy?". I am not exaggerating when I say it took a full 45 seconds for me to fully stand up from my desk in the second row. I proceed to hunchback towards the blackboard bent over enough to hide the tent I was pitching from my bitchof a teacher and the entire class. I painstakingly work my way through the proof and thinking what is more of a boner killer than algebra, hoped that it would have gone away but alas no...it was still flying at full staff. So I bend over even lower like a 90 year old geriatric with chronic back problems and waddle my way to my desk and stupidly put too much force on the top of the top heavy desk when I get to it, consequently toppling the desk and myself over and falling to the ground. the whole class laughs at this weirdo with a massive boner on the ground under a desk. It would have actually have been less awkward for me to say "Teacher I have a massive erection right now there is no way in fuck I am standing up to do that problem".
TL:DR Got called up in Math class to do a problem on the board while trying to hide a massive random boner
Edit: Holy pancakes I got gold for this...thank you mysterious benefactor!!!
dabenben ยท 2191 points ยท Posted at 18:53:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm at work right now and this had me laughing so hard that I to do something to take my mind off of it. The only thing I could think of that would work was to make myself sad, so I paid my electric bill. It didn't work... I'm still laughing.
I love the moments when I'm at work on the customer service desk and I have to close the window and walk away from the desk to calm my maniacal, silent laughter.
This happened to me often in middle school but the worst time was freshman year of hs at a house party my hs senior sister and i threw. I was in the bathroom with a girl hugging (literally just hugging) and we could hear a bunch of my stupid friends outside the door giggling and shit so of course she opens the door and i proceed to get down on all four and crawl out of the bathroom into a group of 15 or so asshole highschoolers. At my own party.
The dumbest part is it was not an awkward time for an erection.
Mooide ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 20:25:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh don't you worry, I have something like this
First day of the advanced math class I got put in for the grade above me, super nervous and was wearing basketball shorts....had a massive hard on and the teacher called me up to the desk. Did I try to hide it and be sneaky? No I fucking JOGGED TO THE DESK, dick a swingin while everyone laughed. Kill me now.
There was also the time in gym where a buddy of mine went to pants me but got the underwear too, ended up flashing like 6 cute girls. He was probably more embarrassed than I was (I'm quite proud of my junk).
Some kid i knew in Highschool spiked this one other kids drink with a viagra pill right before gym class. Dude had to sit in the corner the whole class trying to hide a raging boner while all of us already knew what was going on. Funny
A guy I went to high school with purposely took viagra at the beginning of the day, while wearing sweatpants, so he could purposely walk around with a super obvious boner.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine in 6th grade, but itโs far worse.
Presentation day for a project weโd spent a week on. My friend, weโll call him max, was soon to go up. He had a raging erection that wouldnโt go away. Even worse, he was in very loose pants and the desk of the girl heโd like for a year and a half was right in front of where he was going to be standing.
He didnโt know what to do, he was talking to our other friend trying to figure it out and giving me nervous looks. Our friend used some creative hand signals to describe what was happening. Wouldnโt go away, and he didnโt have time to cover it up or go deal with it.
With the group going during this nearing the end, he remembered something his oldest brother once told him, that max didnโt know was a joke. His brother had said that bending your penis would make an erection go away. He was still very concerned though, as thatโs not a natural feeling.
He looked at our friend, then looked at me. To this day, I have never seen such a look of fear and concern in anotherโs eyes. He reached down and started to bend it... and it snapped. He broke his own dick.
A stifled whimper escaped him, confusing some of the other students. He sat there, holding back tears, as our teacher called him and out friend up for the presentation. Everything heโd prepared was forgotten, and he could barely talk. But they got through it. Didnโt get a good grade, but they got through it.
He pissed blood for a bit and had to get it checked out. Itโs fine now, though it is still bent a little bit.
TL;DR: buddy broke his dick trying to make an erection go away
it is funny to get embarrassed by things that happen to every person when you think about it...but all you can think about while it is happening is "my life is over"
imagine if the way to hide period leakage involved (somehow) twisting your uterus closed... but you twisted too hard and it tore completely off of the vagina
Yeh I'd rather not imagine that but thanks anyway...
abigurl1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when a friend of mine back in high school decided to wear this โsuper cuteโ outfit (including a white skirt) on a day she thought she might get her period. She didnโt end up getting it that day, but boy did she freak out when another girl whoโd overheard joked that something was dripping down her leg!
Oh my gosh this happened to me! I was doing the classroom portion of military flight school, and for that first week or two we had to wear a uniform that consisted of khaki pants and a tucked in shirt. The classes were last night interesting, so I was fighting sleep the whole time.
When it came time for a break, I stood up and turned around and noticed two relatively attractive female flight school students seated behind me. Oddly enough, they were both looking at my crotch (yes, there are attractive girls in the military). I looked down to see that I had a full erection clearly outlined against the tight fabric of my khakis. Mortified, I quickly turned and walked out of the classroom, folding my hands in front of my body in an effort to hide my shame.
I was of course too embarrassed to talk to either of them for pretty much the duration of the class. Which was silly, because after the break one of the girls smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. Still embarrassed, I mumbled pleasantry and turned back to my work. Thinking back on it, I guess maybe she liked what she saw?
Hilarious, but I never understand when people don't know the waistband tuck. I never had to learn it, as long as I remember when I got an erection I would put it in my waistband, like some prepubescent instinct
haha I had no idea...before I could just cover it with a baggy shirt or sweatshirt or something...but when you are neatly tucked in with khakis on and a belt, there is no stopping it..."schoolboy tuck" is a lifesaver though
I think all dudes have been there my man, especially us in Catholic schools - the girls all had to wear skirts and of course most of them are pulled up to the size of a belt.
I did the same as you once but without falling through my desk. Figured out the ol' waistband technique pretty quickly. There's also the hand in the pocket (holding the boner) and the cut a hole in your pocket so it's held on place (or you can play with it, whatever).
I had a buddy in HS who thought he was a genius with the whole waistband flip up. That was until they were going over directions in French class and kids had to go up in front of the class and the teacher would say right, left, up, and down in french and you had to point in the correct direction.
So he's in class, rockin' a stiffy, and knows he is about to get called. He pulls the ol waistband trick and walks to the front of the class, cool as a cucumber. It's going really well until the teacher said up, and being a bit of a class clown, my buddy uses both hands, raises his arms and points straight up.
He didn't realize how short his shirt fell that day so when he did this , it rose to about belly button height clearly exposing the tip for the whole class to see. There was some gasping, whispering, and eventually my friend sat back down wanting to kill himself.
This has def happened to me during a presentation and I just held my boner in my pocket with my left hand and had to keep it there for 10+ minutes. It was noticeable and I had to make obvious efforts to keep it in place. Due to attractive girls in the proximity it didn't calm down the entire time
THIS is the best one. I almost cried reading this.
ERR0RR ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:50:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been reading this thread for far too long and I have no idea how I'm still finding things that make me laugh so hard I cry. Maybe this one resonates too much.
What's even worse is that, at the end, no one actually could see your erection.
Leafy81 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:40:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High school was awful for me because of the normal self conscious mind fuckery that most kids that age have plus bad social anxiety. But I am so thankful that I never had to worry about hiding an awkward random boner.
On a side note, is awkward spelled correctly? It just looks weird.
It's been awhile since someone got me to snort from laughter and grasp for air... Holy shit it's relatable too. Everyone's been there. Except I always wore sweatpants so it was worse. There was one time I was in Math class and was sleeping, got called down to the Nurse's for a colorblind test. (It was 9th grade and I was in a 10th grade math class wearing cargo shorts with a belt) only I didn't have a boner, just my belt was too long for me and I didn't tuck it in so underneath my sweatshirt was my belt simulating a boner. I get up and boldly walk out and don't notice until half way down to the nurse's office. I came back to class with it fixed and sophmore girls with smiles fixated on me. All in all not a bad experience.
Oxynou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this is my worst nightmare
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but was it truly massive? Do you use that word to describe it in normal polite conversation about your member? I feel like there may be a chance that a truly massive rod would have given the confidence to wave that flagpole freely. Massive.
when do I have polite normal conversations about my member?
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I assume at fancy dinner parties or in a quiet theater. As one does. Mine is somewhat less than massive and not spoken of in such places or with such adjectives. This is fun.
Ahh yes quiet theaters....the perfect opportunity to tell everyone I have a massive pants missile!
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fine. Corner Bodegas on a stop for smokes? Runway fashion shows? During mass in a seemingly Unitarian church, but for some reason has hunting trophies and pictures of fish on every surface? Shaking off the last droplet while staring deeply into the eyes of the "man " at the next urinal who sounds less like a horse and more like a hummingbird relieving itself. Polite conversation can be had anywhere about penis size.
I have heard it is one of, if not the most polite topics one can have. The queen of England often greets foreign dignitaries with "Hows the old horse-cock doing these days?"
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also I believe "massive baloney pony" is becoming the preferred nomenclature.
I've always been really impressed with your talent for coming up with poems, but I also wanted to tell you what a wonderful person you are. You really add so much to so many parts of Reddit. Thanks for being fantastic. โค๏ธ
How about when you try and play it off like you heard the last bit of what they said, then they do that awkward stare at you as if they were expecting a more accurate response than you gave. Like fuck I've already dug myself this deep, would walking away be okay...
Someone told me something something dog and she looked sad I said "aww that's rough" and then realized she said her dog had died that day and I fucking responded with a pun. That's ruff. Ughhh
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:19:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whatever dude, why is she confiding in a random stranger about that anyways? Especially somewhere where you have to scream to be heard and that barely works.
Actual did this to a customer when he told me his house was broken into and shit got stolen. He was a mumbler and I just said "oh that's nice". A little more into I realised what he was talking about and I just said I thought he said something else.
Quietly speaking coworker reading the news: "there's been a mass shooting in Belgium"
Me: "Nice!" and a big grin
True story ._.
briNo64 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:10:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This doesn't always work. When I was a cashier, I asked a man to repeat himself 3 times. After the third time he said it again and chuckled a bit. I still didn't hear him so I smiled, nodded, and chuckled a bit myself. He gave me the meanest look and said "What is so funny?" Didn't make eye contact for the rest of the transaction
Oh, it definitely doesn't always work. In fact, I'd wager that if rarely, if ever, works. Can't help but do it though.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:29:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Costumer: Can I have a beer, please?
Me: sorry what?
Costumer: Can I have a beer?
Me: A dish?
Costumer: A beer, a beer!!!
Me: Oh yeah sure. In my mind: What the fuck did he say?
z500 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:23:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, yeah, totally dude.
craychel ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:00:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be a cashier at a grocery store and did this "smile, laugh, nod" method after someone said something I didn't understand. He stood there and replied, "you didn't hear what I just said, did you?" I admitted I had not. He then said much more clearly, "I said I'm buying all of this food for a funeral, my Dad just passed away." That's the last time I used that method.
To be fair if someone can't recognize that they just received the smile and nod reaction its equally their bad.
MrLKK ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:46:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also a go-to move when someone's on an insane rant that you don't agree with, but don't care enough to get into an argument. Bonus points for being passive aggressive, "Yeah. Sure, right. I mean, obviously."
the worst is when the person talking to you realizes you cant hear them and instead of going with it, they kind of do this look where they roll their eyes and look annoyed
Right? Stop mumbling !! Speak up ! And/ or don't get mad if somebody has hearing problems
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:54:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The guy Iโm training at work talks so quietly and we work in a manufacturing area that requires earplugs. I can only say โwhat?โ so many times a day before I give up and use your method.
I mean, to be fair it works most of the time. Usually you can tell from their inflection if itโs a question, even if you canโt understand what theyโre saying, and if it isnโt then โsmile and nodโ is a pretty safe bet.
Dawwe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:19:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I know them well my go-to move (when I've given up) is to smile, look them dead in the eye just long enough that it's slightly uncomfortable and then flat out say "I don't have the slightest clue what you just said".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy popsicles, people! Just say "could you repeat that?" or "come again?" Its monumentally less awkward. Nobody is going to judge you for not hearing.
They do judge and get angry/ annoyed easily for this, especially after being asked to repeat multiple times. Mostly because their dumbass don't even try to change the volume or inflection or anything at all
I'm here because I've asked too many soft-speaking pussies to speak the fuck up so I can understand the words they're shitting of their mouths.
[deleted] ยท 1318 points ยท Posted at 18:07:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Farado ยท 312 points ยท Posted at 18:59:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This kind of thing happens to me too. Usually when Iโm not expecting someone to start talking (e. g. long car ride for work). I miss the start of their first sentence.
On the other end, I speak quietly and often have to be asked to repeat myself. I have gotten the habit of beginning the repeat with, โI said,โ because I know that would help me by โprimingโ my brain for the meaningful words.
[deleted] ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:06:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate it when I miss the start of a sentence, and then when I ask the person just repeats the second half. No no, that was the bit I heard!
Oh my god, in elementary school I had a teacher who would straight up yell at me when I added "I said" to the start of a sentence, because she thought I was trying to be sassy.
I wasn't. I was just a very quiet child who also talked very quickly and mumbled (I still do that now, as an adult). Mrs. M, you were a bitch.
Farado ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:28:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, thatโs a worry of mine concerning this habit. I donโt seem to have offended anyone yet, though. ๐ค
I speak 5 different languages and one problem i have is "selecting" the right language to listen.
I don't know how to explain it, but if I'm expecting you to speak english and you speak italian I'll have to ask you to repeat because my brain simply won't register. Some friends laugh at me when that happens
That happens to me a lot at work too. Instead of language, it's terminology. So if someone asks for some product we don't have and I don't expect the question, I usually have to ask my customer to repeat it, as my brain won't register it.
Lanoir97 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I asked for tomorrow off early and asked if I needed to come in early to make up for it. I don't know what he said because the printer went off so I'm just going to show up early and say I got confused if I'm wrong.
That's interesting, because I have to admit, I don't always get people who talk so loudly (unless maybe they have some hearing loss). I'm standing right here...you don't have to project your voice that much.
I tend to talk quieter because I'm pretty aware of my surroundings and can usually tell when people are listening in.
Marafon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking as someone with significant hearing loss and tinnitus I always feel super guilty when I "yell" at people and I always feel like an ass when I talk to someone who is soft spoken and I can't hear a word they say and I have to ask them to say it again over and over. It's no one's fault but I always feel like I'm making that person feel bad and usually just smile and laugh after the third time. People probably think I'm an idiot.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:42:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel your pain. I have hearing loss in my right ear from an infection I got as a young teen plus I have horrible tinnitus because of it. I know I talk loudly and try to remind myself of it. Not easy.
Yeah, people who suddenly talk to me unexpectedly at a normal voice when we are at a pretty noisy restaurant.. I asked my friend to repeat his statement 5 times and still didn't get what he said ._.
Yes, as someone who struggles to hear peoples voices, you are the kind of person I hate talking to. Especially when asking them (not you specifically, but just soft spoken people in general) to speak up results in them sheepishly repeating themselves in an even softer voice.
Nomulite ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:01:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, because that's what people with soft-spoken, socially anxious people need. ANOTHER reason to think people hate when they talk.
My mom (who I love, and who does not have social anxiety) tends to just respond at the exact same volume with the statement reworded. It takes leaning in ridiculously close and saying, "WHAT?" for her to speak up. I love you, Mama, but for fuck's sake.
I have this too. My hearing is fine, but I struggle to process what I hear- especially on the phone, if there is a lot of ambient noise, or even certain tones
I quit using phones years ago. I might as well be calling a dial up modem for all the good I get out of it. Not to mention the social anxiety the incomprehension triggers...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:43:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you don't even use a cell phone either? Yes I am aware that it's a phone but you know what I mean I hope.
I think I have this, but I'd never been able to put a name to it. Thank you. Now I have something to google besides "I can hear perfectly fine but it sounds like people are speaking nonsense." Never got anything worthwhile out of that...
Fuck saaame about the subtitles. And so many people throw a shitfit when you ask for them to put subtitles on when you're watching Netflix or something, it's why I hate watching movies with people. I also have to look at someone's mouth when they speak to process what they're saying sometimes which feels awkward when it's just a casual conversation and they're looking off somewhere and you basically have to stare at them to understand what they're saying.
Interesting... I've always been hearing impaired and wear hearing aids but relate to all this. So you're not hearing impaired, it's just processing issues?
Yeah, my ears are fine. I just have a lot of trouble telling what people are saying. I'm not saying that I have an auditory processing disorder, since I've never had a doctor look into it or something, but that's certainly the sort of experience I'm having
You know, its interesting you say that. After I described all of this to a doctor, she said "Those are normally issues that people with hearing aids have."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the OP is describing isn't the same thing as Wernicke's aphasia. Wernicke's is a "fluent aphasia" -- i.e, patients with the condition speak normally, but are unable to comprehend language, whether written or spoken (contrast this with Broca's aphasia, which is an "expressive" aphasia -- patients understand what's being said to them, but are unable to express themselves, so their speech is very broken and is characterized by stop-starts.)
Although Wernicke's aphasia does involve the inability to comprehend speech, what sets it apart from the phenomenon OP is describing is that in Wernicke's aphasia, often both written and spoken speech comprehension are impaired. Additionally, patients with Wernicke's speak fluently and their speech sounds normal, but the actual content of their speech nonsensical and meaningless. This video of a man with Wernicke's aphasia is a good example.
What the OP is describing sounds more like a sensorineural hearing deficit and/or auditory processing disorder. If I had to guess, it sounds kind of like King-Kopetzky syndrome, which is characterized by difficulties understanding speech -- particularly over background noise -- despite normal hearing function per audiometry.
Yeah, I ended up looking it up later and found this out. Aphasia was the first thing that came to mind and seemed like a similar condition. The video was an interesting watch, so thanks for the info!
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:01:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning disorder (a high functioning form of autism) they diagnosed me with that as well.
I experience exactly what you're describing.
Spinolio ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:56:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What kills me is when somebody says something unintelligible, you ask them to repeat themselves, and they say exactly the same thing at exactly the same volume and cadence, making it just as impossible to understand as the first time they said it.
I didn't say I wasn't listening, MF'er... I said I didn't understand you.
The best strategy for this is to just straight up say, hey sorry I have some issues with hearing, could you speak up a little? Doesn't matter whether or not you do have issues, it tells them that they need to be more clear and doesn't make it sound like you're saying they don't know how to use their mouths right. Which they don't.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sometimes say, "I'm sorry. I'm a little hard of hearing. Would you mind repeating that please?"
Spinolio ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why enable them? "Speak clearly, motherfucker! I don't have time for your mumbling..."
Because if they're mumbling because they're shy, have anxiety, or have a speech impediment you making them feel like shit isn't gonna help anyone.
Spinolio ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't fix their problems. I can fix not being able to understand their attempt at communication. Pause a moment, gather your thoughts, and speak comprehensibly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Write it down on paper!!!
meellodi ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:41:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa reading this and another comment made me know that I'm not alone. My mum always said that it's not that there's something wrong with me, just that I should be more attentive.
But no matter what I still can't hear other people properly. I can't even talk to anyone on the phone because it's just a bunch of buzz to me.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:46:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was always accused of not listening. I try to listen but my brain just doesn't get it sometimes.
I thought it was just me who has this problem! I even struggle with it while watching movies or tv. I hear sounds coming out of the actors mouths... but sometimes I can't distinguish what the words are. It's mildly annoying in those instances, and really embarrassing when it happens with strangers.
Yes! My mom has a problem with me turning up the TV too loud, when she can hear it perfectly fine on low. Itโs always difficult to explain that I too can hear it fine on low volume, I just canโt understand what the actors are saying.
I prefer to turn on the subtitles while watching TV, that way I can better understand what it's being said, and my bf doesn't have to be blasted with volume or be forced to listen to whatever I'm watching from across the house
eaoue ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:55:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh I have this too! It's actually starting to make me a bit anxious because it feels like something is wrong with me and my ability to process sensory input in general... It only happens once in a while though, and only with specific 'triggers'. Like, a certain type of flatness or monotony in a voice that is often found in audiobooks, tape recordings, and some Professors' lecturing styles - they make it so that I just completely lose my ability to understand the meaning of the sentences, as if I can only hear one word at a time and never in connection to the surrounding words. I also find it immensely difficult to get directions orally, I cannot spell words out loud in English (I can in my first language though), and struggle with associating words relating to time directly with their meanings (so that if you were to say 'next month', or 'in November', I'll always need to take a moment to mentally think through what month and time period we're in at the moment before assigning value/meaning to the phrase 'next month').
The last bit is a slightly different issue, maybe? I feel like I generally struggle with interpreting sensory input if I'm not able to take my time processing. Also very bad at recognising faces and places and understand spatiality on an abstract level (such as mentally translating an area into a map)....
sorry to unload all of this on you, it's just that I'm struggling with figuring myself out these days, and no one really seems to be taking it seriously. This auditory thing has been one of the biggest mysteries, and I'm happy to see that I'm not alone (though I'm sorry for you having to deal with the same issue).
Reading through all these responses is making me feel like we should start a club. Or join a club. It probably already exists. It's only thanks to these comments that I now know this is a thing that I likely have. I just thought I wasn't paying enough attention all this time
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am imagining a room full of people like us trying to understand what the hell the other people are saying. All we can hear is, "WHAT????"
Haha me too! Though at least we'll all understand why the other person isn't understanding!
eaoue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha it's the power of Internet, isn't it. Suddenly, we have this way to air out all the strange things going on with our minds and bodies to test whether it's normal or not, and if not, whether we're alone in our abnormalities! :)
this happens alot to me, I'll hear the sounds but they wont register as coherent words, I dont know if its a learning disability or selective hearing or what.
Family calls me a space case for this. Unless I concentrate very hard on the conversation, I won't be able to understand what someone says until about 30 seconds after they've said it. UNFORTUNATELY the part of my brain that handles talking is already responding. :|
Weirdly this doesn't happen when watching TV.
q25t ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:38:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looking through this whole comment chain I think TV has the advantage of being primarily focused on people's faces and knowing when people are likely to speak and when they do speak, they're going to do so clearly and without noises in the background that should be distracting.
Wow. This whole thread of the comments describes me perfectly. I'm fine when it comes to watching movies and most phone calls (as long as the person speaks clearly) because I'm concentrating and mentally prepared to focus on what the person is saying.
But when someone starts talking to me without me expecting it I often completely miss all of it. And then my brain is trying to process what they've just said but I can't just sit there and not say anything, so I end up going "what?".
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone Google this pls and tag me
eyeoxe ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:01:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
central auditory processing disorder
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called sensorineural hearing loss and it's a bitch. My brain struggles to "decode" certain sounds/words so I heard you say something without a problem, but What you said is an entirely different matter.
Paying full attention, I hear "I something something heavy"
Me: "you don't look heavy!"
Friend: "I said I Walk heavy"
I feel this, I had a conversation with a co-worker and only picked up certain things and couldn't really understand what he said until I started thinking about it 5 min later and remember hearing gay vibe and something to do with being straight. And I'm not sure if he was saying he was gay and or if he was asking if I was gay and I don't want to ask him about it cause it's been like 3 days. And it would be a weird conversation
Amarabea ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:29:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me a lot. Sometimes I'll say "excuse me?" Really just to give me time to process what was said. My husband is just now getting to the point where he understands and will quietly explain what someone said if I look lost. I explain it to people like when you have a broken speaker and get the buzzing noise just with certain sounds. Some voices and sounds just don't register right.
TK-427 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:48:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for understanding. My wife chooses to just believe I'm constantly ignoring her.
I have the same issue, I hate that I have hearing/processing problems and have been tested for hearing loss but I'm not bad enough for them to do anything for it so I just sort of try to brush the spiteful comments from co-workers off. The worst part of the harassment is the main cause of the comments, she has a son and the father that both have hearing problems and required surgery and hearing aids for it but heaven forbid I have a problem too.. :\
Caleus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:50:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit im the same way, I think. My hearing is fine but I have trouble understanding when people are talking to me. Its also extremely difficult to understand the lyrics in music. Does anyone know if theres a name or explanation for this?
TK-427 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:52:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lyrics are awful. I hear syllables but have to try and piece them into words like a word jumble puzzle. In songs I can make out the lyrics, they only register as words... only when I have the words memorized can I actually process meaning behind them.
For the most part I just listen to the music itself and forget about the lyrics
I've been struggling with this for years and always thought I was losing my mind since no one I talked to ever had this problem. Especially song lyrics, when the words can be stretched out to the point I can't recognize them.
When I was younger I would listen to songs without ever knowing the lyrics - but I would remember the kind of sounds that were made. As an adult I can repeat the sounds in my head and guess the words... anyway, my point is thank you for sharing and letting me know I'm not crazy.
Huh, I always wondered what was wrong with my hearing. I can hear a noise in a quiet room but it's so damn hard to understand people talking. I've resorted to lip reading most times.
I do not have a diagnosis but that sounds unbelievably similar to me. My hearing is FAR above average. But my ability to make sense of the sounds coming out of your mouth.... not so much. I have a hard time having conversations. I don't know what the words to any of my favorite songs are until I look them up. I rely on subtitles when watching movies/TV. All my friends are really into podcasts, and apparently some of them are things I would "really be into" but they are goddamn impossible.
How does one actually find out if they have this disorder, and is there any sort of treatment, therapy or something that I could do to improve on it. (basically, is there even a reason I might want to get this diagnosed)
I've lost 50% of my hearing - about half in both ears, so I don't have a "good side". Context is everything. If you say something to me out of context, I'll be absolutely lost. If it's said in context, I can usually surmise what word was said by what little of it I actually heard. It works ... some of the time? I don't know. I'm sure there are plenty of people who think I'm dumb or rude. Nope, just awkward and very hard of hearing.
Which makes it extra fun when you're living in an area that does not, in fact, have English as the main language. Most people just assume I'm another stupid Anglo who hasn't bothered to learn French, even though I'm a freaking translator. I just... don't process the words sometimes.
This happens to me all the time, too! The words just literally don't sound like English, especially if the person has an odd cadence to the way they speak. I just eventually settled on "Sorry, I'm having a hard time processing what you're saying" and people look at me like I'm an alien, but at least they seem to repeat whatever they are saying more slowly/carefully, and that solves the problem.
I don't have any excuse. I just sit there, lost in reddit while my girlfriend is talking to me and I'm making appropriate noises but not really hearing what she's saying. Then at some point I realize that I'm not following the conversation and turn around and say "what?". Needless to say she is not amused by this.
dichiejr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have the same exact issue... People talking too quietly and sometimes too loudly I can catch a word here or there but usually it might as well be giberish.
TK-427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same way. In a busy environment its impossible for me to focus on one sound and ignore the rest. I hear the words... but I hear ALL the words, so it all just gets pushed to static. It makes it very hard to be social at busy bars and usually resulted in me just drinking alone at the bar.
Cool, I assumed that would be the case since it's called auditory processing disorder, but I figured I'd check anyways. Do your friends/family use sign, or can you get by enough on sound that they don't?
I seem to have this problem, but only when I'm on the phone. I'm constantly asking the person on the other end to repeat themselves. It's not that I can't hear them, their words are coming through loud and clear, I just can't seem to process what they're saying half the time.
Can you get that diagnosed by any hearing specialist, or do you need a doctor or something?
I think I have it; I particularly hate talking on the phone and large meetings where some people mumble and don't properly talk in the mike. However I think it's also that I don't hear as well as I could, because for instance if I watch movie at a theater instead of at home, I don't need the subtitles to hear what is said, because the sound is louder and clearer.
People have all kinds of accents and ways of speaking, whereas when something is written, it is crystal clear. I get frustrated by all this.
Well thank you l, now I know what I have. I've gone 25 years wondering why I hear so shit, but always do great on the hearing test.
Also didn't want to ask anybody because I thought I was the only one, and I didn't want to deal with trying to explain myself and sound like a weirdo and embaress myself in the process.
Oh my god, maybe this is what happens to me. Sometimes I just cannot process words. It's absolutely ridiculous and happens at the weirdest moments. I'll be at the grocery store and the clerk is potentially asking me about my day and I just- "I'm sorry, what did you say?" I usually let it go twice and then if it's the third time I give it up and just nod or smile. Sometimes when they actually need something from me it's even worse because I have to have them say it three or four times and everyone's sick of it. It's especially bad with directions. I'll confuse left with right and fuck everything up.
Shit. I might have this, too. You described that so well. I just started a job and a supervisor has had to repeat himself 3 or 4 times on multiple occasions because I can't understand what he's saying and he's saying it perfectly fine. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm an idiot. Now I'm sad again...
I just spent almost an hour reading about this and oh my god. I feel so much better. I'm not crazy.
lobchob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I have Auditory Processing Disorder! I had no idea that it was a thing until I just researched it! 23 years of misunderstanding people and being socially awkward just to find out what it is! Thanks man
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is very interesting and I had no idea there was a name for it. I too have this disorder. My adult son and I used to get into arguments a lot because I misheard him. It happened a lot. He thought I was being stupid and many times he actually said there was something mentally wrong with me. I simply didn't actually hear what he was saying. I heard him talking and I thought I heard what he said but I actually didn't. I just read this: "May process thoughts and ideas slowly and have difficulty explaining them." This is one reason why my son and I had a communication breakdown so often. Because I misheard things my son said, it took me longer to process what he had said to me and he would get impatient and accuse me of not listening. Not only that, when you mishear something, your brain of course isn't going to figure out exactly what had been said so everything turns to shit. Communication is fruitless. I have also noticed that when someone talks fast it takes me a while to figure out what they are saying. Having this disorder is very frustrating.
I also have hearing loss in my right ear from an infection I got as a teenager. This makes things a lot more difficult for me.
FYI, I don't technically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring uh at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Uh, again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. Um, I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing.
I'm hard of hearing and this is exactly how I have a hard time with conversations. It's not usually the volume that gives me difficulty but the process. Probably related though in that I don't hear certain sounds so it sounds mumbled to me but clearer to someone else then I have difficulty processing what I heard.
I am terrible at group conversations (and thus I'm not socially inclined) since I spend most of the conversation trying to piece what was being said. When I realize what was said and have a response the subject has long passed and it'd be awkward to interject so I tend to just be silent and then people wonder why I have nothing to add. I try to explain but oh well.
Also I've been told I don't say pizza correctly. When I ask them to repeat how it's supposed to sound it sounds exactly how I think I'm saying it so guess that's another side effect...
mdds2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:37 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might have something like this. For me it's like my hearing focuses on the wrong thing, like a camera focusing on the background but the subject is all fuzzy. And just forget having things read aloud to me. I won't pick up anything at all from that. My kids get mad when they read me a question from their homework 4 times and I can't give a proper answer. They say I don't pay attention to them :(
Oh my God, this disorder explains so much!! Like I can hear that noise is coming out of your mouth but when I say I didn't hear I mean I couldn't distinguish those words enough to understand what you're saying!
DrBob666 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:15:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ProZD?
bawlzes ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 17:30:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a cousin who was paralyzed from the neck down due to a car crash. I can't always understand her perfectly clear, so sometimes I have to say "mhm" or "Yeah" because I feel bad if I have to keep asking her what she said.
EDIT: A lot of people are apparently calling me out, so I just want to say that A. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I'm not good at socializing in general, and B. I have anxiety.
Trenchft ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:16:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like stutterers or anyone with a difficulty speaking, they'd prefer you ask them to say it again and be clearly understood then you just shine them on. They can tell if you understood or not.
Your cousin knows. It's not always a good thing to do because doing so at the wrong time just shows them that you don't care enough about what they're saying.
bawlzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that I don't care. But I can understand where you're coming from. I suck at socializing in general.
As a hard-of-hearing person, I agree wholeheartedly. Nothing pisses me off more than when people pretend to understand me. And I always, always ask others to repeat themselves.
So after thinking about it I'll say I'm sorry, I saw someone who is doing what I thought was kind thing when another is going through a tough time.
I was thinking of all the times I can't hear people that well and awkwardly force them to repeat themselves a bunch of times and if it would be better to pretend I understood.
I see how it is patronizing and will think before making a comment like this again. Thank you for taking the time to teach me.
bawlzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh I don't know about that. I honestly don't consider myself a very good person, and it's not exactly the right thing to do.
I guess thank you for saying that, but I'm not, really.
I said this to the idiot above you and I'll say it to you:
Jesus Christ dude calm down. OP was saying it because he felt bad having to ask over and over, not because thinks he is better than her or something. It's because he doesn't think he's better that he doesn't want to ask her to repeat herself, it's out of respect.
Frankly, you need to get your anger and social comprehension under control.
Husky127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, insult him, surely that will inspire change
bawlzes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:53:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck is it patronizing and insulting? I don't speak to her in a weird tone, I just feel bad when I have to repeat things. I'm also autistic and I generally have trouble socially in general. So honestly you can go fuck yourself, cause you don't fucking know shit about me, cunt.
Jesus Christ dude calm down. OP was saying it because he felt bad having to ask over and over, not because thinks he is better than her or something. It's because he doesn't think he's better that he doesn't want to ask her to repeat herself, it's out of respect.
Frankly, you need to get your anger and social comprehension under control.
bawlzes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:55:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I'm a "cutesy oops i'm so awkward" person. I just fucking feel bad when I ask her to repeat something. You'd do the fucking same if you were in that situation. I also have Asperger's syndrome and have social problems in general.
You can go fuck yourself, don't fucking assume shit about me, dickhead.
I always thought I had bad hearing, but I've come to realize that my hearing is actually pretty decent. The problem is that I sometimes have trouble understanding what people are saying. Like, I can hear the voice just fine, but it will sound like mumbling. It's not a constant issue, but it happens often enough to be an annoyance. If there is a lot of noise going on, it gets pretty bad. I assume I have Auditory Processing Disorder, but I've never bothered to get tested because it's not something that has a significant impact on my life and it's not like there's a cure for it anyway.
I feel even worse if someone else present hears and politely responds to the mumbler for me, as if I'm playing deaf.
fyi it helps me if I try visualizing the mumbling in written phrases, like subtitles. Sometimes what is easily lost aurally can be pieced together in imagined text.
Recall back to a dentis appointment in the army:
Doctor: "well good morning ssm aall jh den tdy"
Me: "Say again, sir?"
Doctor: "i said ssmmm chan all chkp tdy"
Me realizing its probably nothing so i shouldnt ask him to repeat it again: "eehh hahaha."
Doctor: "...thats funny to you?"
Me: "oh... no i didnt want to ask again so i just decided to go hehehehhh..."
Doctor: "Ah. I said, my name is Captain Chen and I'll be performing your checkup today."
So basically he introduced himself as an officer and i said HA LOL. At his face.
jewmaz ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:29:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian, eh?
erco29 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:00:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah eh
zipel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:26:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not great at hearing, but I usually get by. What I disliked is when someone is mumbling after every time you say repeat it pardon and then they get mad at you as if you are automatically required to hear their inaudible gibberish. Speak at a decent level, I feel rude having to ask a million times what you're saying.
Korawri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:37:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously speak u people. Also when they mumble something from across the room and you walk towards them asking them to repeat themselves, but they just get quieter because now you're closer.
kreein ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ProZD?
XcuzMe ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:25:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does something for someone
Them: Thanks!
Me: Thanks!
Someone does something for me
Them: You're welcome
Me: You're welcome
As far as I can tell I have great hearing, but sometimes I wish I was at least partially deaf so I'd at least have an excuse when I ask people to repeat themselves. :(
pongo49 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:39:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
According to my doctor I have great hearing. Maybe it's a focusing issue.
zjohns81 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:16:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a grocery store and was collecting the carts outside when I saw an old coworker who I've worked with while substituting at a different grocery store. I wasn't really interested in talking to him, but I was too polite to just let him know that I can't talk at the moment.
So at the end of him talking, my go-to response was, "Oh well that's really good.."
He looked at me with daggers and said, "No, it's not really good, I can't do anything because I just got out of the hospital after having heart surgery, my heart is failing!"
"Oh, yea sorry I wasn't paying attention."
I was embarrassed, he was angry.
Wanna get away?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:57:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too. I feel like my brain needs extra time to process the information. Would be nice if I could work out a way to do it without seeming like an idiot
I have trouble hearing higher pitched voices and if there's a lot of background noise. I was at the hospital this morning, and for the life of me, couldn't hear the receptionist/nurse.
Fuck that shit in the ear.
Korawri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:42:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I listen to the police scanner sometimes and I had come to realize very early on that i could never be a cop. 40% of the time it doesn't even sound like words.
Ironcl4d ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:37:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stare off into the distance for a few seconds
Slowly turn my head toward them
"I drive."
enrodude ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:39:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend is somewhat deaf. He has a hidden hearing aid so its not apparent for people and the hearing aid doesn't always help him hear. Sometimes He will do things like that when he doesn't understand you or cant read your lips.
Person: Can I see your ID?
Him: Yep! (starts ignoring him and walks away)
Me: (holding him back) No. dude. he. wants. to. see. your. ID...
Him: Oh ok! (Turns around and walks away some more...)
Buwaro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:00:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this. Now I just tell people to speak up because I'm deaf.
I have sensorineural hearing loss from working with F16s while I was in the Air Force. I can still hear noises and tones just fine, but if there is background noise I have to be looking at you and concentrating on the conversation to understand you.
Don't ever ask me the lyrics to a song.
PyroZach ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:39:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this, usually just going with the chuckle and "yeah" hoping it wasn't sad or a question. Once from a long time ago sticks out.
Person: "howarja" (what I heard at least)
me: "What?"
Person: "howl argue?"
Me: "Sorry once more"
Person: "Howd jar doo?"
Me: "oh, I uh, don't know"
Person: "you don't know how old you are???"
Also I often miss the first couple words, or at least don't process them right away and ask "what" then it clicks and I have the answer when they're two words into the sentence(for the second time).
After I had enlisted in the Army National Guard I happened to be at the fast food place next to the recruiting station in uniform with my little brother.
I get to the end of the ordering and the cashier is like, "youwnnmaltradiscka?"
I'm like, "I'm sorry?"
"you wannmaltryadiscka?"
"Uh, I can't.. You..."
"you want maltryadiscka???"
I give up and shrug my shoulders and say, "DUNNO WHAT THAT IS."
When we walk away from the counter, my brother's laughing asking "why didn't you take it?"
Better yet, they're clearly speaking English but the way they're pronouncing the word sounds like gibberish.
Them: "Do you have ground pork?" (Me interpreting it as "do you have round fork?")
Me: "uhh no we don't have round forks..."
Them: "no not round forks, ground pork!" (It sounds like "ground pork" this time but my brains in meltdown mode and I forget what ground pork is.)
Me: "uhh no we don't have ground pork..."
Them: (10 minutes later with ground pork) "this is ground pork"
Me: "ohhhhh..." (Awkward silence)
mgill404 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:40:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am also blessed with the inability to hear someone after they've repeated something several times. I have finally realized telling them about my bad hearing will get them to speak louder.
I work in retail and there are so many people who mumble or has a speech impediment and they are trying to talk to me and I end up doing this too many times!
Oh yea I hate asking strangers "What?" more than twice. I shudder at the thought of a conversation going like this.
Them: "blah blah blah"
Me: What?
Them: "blah blah blah"
Me: What?
Them: I said "blah blah blah"
Me: I'm sorry, what?
five hours later
Them: "Blah. Blah. Blah."
Me: Wait, what?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This rings painfully true with me, you've made me remember all the times I've done this now. I feel uncomfortable.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've found the best way around this is to repeat what you thought you heard with a question mark at the end. Lets them know you're not sure if you heard them right and better than repeated 'what's
My fucking job. I have to talk to people quite frequently, and for some reason, I work in an industry where every customer only makes phone calls when they are driving 100 km/h with their windows open, and blaring music. I can never understand a single thing they're saying and many times I just do that awkward laugh or say okay. Hasn't bit me in the ass yet, but I'm sure it will soon.
I went to pick up my meds and the pharmacist was doing small talk. When I'm looking at the person talking to me, I can't hear very well. And he lift the pills to give them to me as I was just zoning out and said something that sounded like a question. I looked at him and said "No thank you" he looked at me funny and said "you guys aren't doing anything fun today?" My husband started laughing at me. I looked pretty dumb, we had a good laugh afterwards.
quavex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm literally half deaf and have had way more interactions like this than I'd care to admit.
I hate myself whilst reading this, brought back too many moments. I was born with a collapsed ear drum. I can hear sound but it's muffled and hard to differentiate words.
gabriot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me at any sort of social gathering. I have noticeable hearing loss, and when there's other sounds going on, holy shit.
So instead of asking "What?" every time and risk pissing someone off, this is what happens.
Niiin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never laughed so hysterically to such a timid post
i_izzie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a customer that has a pretty multicultural office and a crappy speakerphone. So many different accents all shouting across a desk into that crappy speakerphone.
macphile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lose people all the time. "Where's X building?" I stare at them, dumbfounded. Finally, I manage, "Um, well, if you keep walking down here and turn right..." Of course, the building is literally right next to us. And I work in it.
Guaranteed, if I tell them to go right, as soon as they walk away, I realize it's left. Or vice versa.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CZILLROY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I decided a while ago that I don't care how awkward it is to ask someone to repeat themselves a dozen times, because its a much better option than saying "haha yeah" and being completely wrong.
I used to work food service and I had a customer with broken English and every time he said something I said"can you repeat that again?" After the 4th time he slammed on the counter and started yelling and my boss got involved lol
i grew up with speech problems and have difficulty hearing people if there is background noises. like unless i am staring at you while you speak to me, i will probably not hear what you are saying.
it is great working in a loud kitchen and just ignoring anything i didn't make direct eye contact with.
ZaMiLoD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I meet my (now) mother-in-law it took 5-6 tries before I actually heard her saying "do you want a cup of tea, love?"
My husband had to spell it out for me. I still get palpitations just thinking about it.
My only defence is that I'm not a native speaker and she has a fairly heavy northern English accent.
I work in a place where hearing protection is mandatory and there's a lot of background noise. I use very good ear plugs. Other people do not. This happens constantly.
voppp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an American, "washroom" would make it even more complicated.
TimoCT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I try to make the best out of these situations by coming up with something funny or very random that sounds as closely as what I heard.
If the situation doesn't allow it I'll ask to repeat, then ask to speak louder and finally give up and say that I don't know. It either fails and prompts the speaker to sort of repeat while staring at me in a weirded out kind of way or gets me out of the loop.
I work in an area where about 70% of my customers are immigrants. So naturally the language barrier is sometimes so bad that I have a hard time understanding what they need, and they have an equally hard time trying to get it across. More than once, while in a phone conversation with such folks, I've definitely pretended that the line wasn't good and I couldn't hear them well, just so I could go grab the one employee who speaks their language... it's very embarrassing... they definitely know it's not because of their phone.
I was at a concert last weekend, 6 am and really fucked up.
I responded "fuck ya" to a dude 4 times before I heard him say "Dude, what the fuck is your name?" and still thought it would be a good idea to keep the conversation going. I shudder with cringe when I think about the rest of it.
Lanoir97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was helping a customer get their items loaded up the other day and I heard him say something as I got close to his truck and I had just assumed that he said something like "Hey, how're you doing" because that's kinda what it sounded like and everyone says. I said "Pretty good, how about you" and he turns around and gives me the weirdest look. I guess he was asking the guy in the passenger seat to come help and said "Hey John". Most awkward thing I've had happen to me in the 3 months I've worked there.
DatBowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even with people I know, if I'm in a loud place I can barely make out a word most of the time. Which is weird because I'm really good at hearing details in music.
Arkani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that at the beginning but I soon realized by the tone if they were asking a question. If they were I just say it first time "Sorry can you repeat?" and if I didn't hear them a second time I say "I am very sorry but I couldn't hear you because "the reason", can you speak a little louder?". It always works now. People when asking questions are unexpectedly really reasonable if you provide the cause why did you not hear them. It's not even bad if you say "I am sorry I don't hear you if you speak so softly, can you speak a little louder please?" They will understand.
Hayden_P ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone with hearing loss this is so relatable๐ญ
I do this so much. I've been with my husband 12 fucking years and he still mumbles at me or talks to me while walking away. Than for the first year I knew my father in law I just smiled and laughed every time he spoke because I couldn't understand a damn word he said.
Kegter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to manage for my highschool basketball team. I was waiting for a game to begin when one of my coaches asked me something but i didnt hear so i replied "haha yea". He stared at me for a bit with an odd look on his face before asking the other manager for a ball pump so he could fill the basketball and get the game started. I felt so freaking dumb.
As someone who is hard of hearing due to being deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other, this is a regular occurrence for me and still a nightmare every time.
If it makes you feel any better, in my own experience my level of care has gotten way less. 10 years ago Iโd do the laugh and nod bit. Today Iโll tell people either speak up or ask someone else. Maybe youโll grow out of it, too.
I can read lips like a champ but sometimes I'm off my game, and instead of pointing to my hearing aids hearing them say Oh i'm so sorry or give me their life story of how they have a deaf cousin or try to do some sign language (happens...every...time) I would try to get what they're saying and go with it.
Its exactly like the way you said it lol....just worse b/c they're now mad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How are you able to tell this story if you didn't know what he said?
StarFox- ยท 1909 points ยท Posted at 18:51:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Living in a house with two bathrooms, but one belonged to my roommate who wasn't home at the time. The shared bathroom was broken and I had to take a shit. I didn't want to risk getting caught shitting in my roommate's bathroom even though I know he would have been cool with it. Instead I got a cardboard box, lined it with a plastic bag and shat in that.
I threw it in the dump out back and never told anyone.
do you realize that you literally made a litter box. HAHA HOLY SHIT.
nostalico ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 22:47:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao what
EmEffBee ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 01:36:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I had to crap real bad so I did so in a bag. I went to fling the bag ontop of a roof so windmilled it a couple of times to boost it's velocity, and let go. It went straight up in the air like 30 feet, came plummeting back down and hit the ground with a resounding SLAP. Somehow, the bag didn't rupture from the impact! I was grateful for that and the second toss was more successful.
Bro, I'm afraid someone would find the evidence. I'd hold that shit in (literally) or at least take that bag and cardboard box across the state border while wearing a trench coat and shades. As if anyone who's dumpster diving is going to know it's my shit and even if they did, they're dumpster diving. Still wouldn't risk it.
Years ago I stopped attending my Mandarin 1 class because I missed a bunch of classes due to my fear of "disrupting" class with my lateness and then fell behind in class cause I was missing so much and so even when i got to class on time, I eventually felt too much shame to show my dumb face in class cause everyone would hear how little mandarin I knew.
This was a year long class that I stopped attending in January. I didn't write the second midterm, or the final, or hand in any homework or assignments for the rest of the year. I had resigned myself to failing this 9 credit class and considered dropping out to avoid the shame of academic probation or getting kicked out for trashing my gpa in the first year.
Somehow, perhaps via divine intervention, I got a C+ in that class. I have no idea how since I did less than half the work, but I took it as a sign to stay in school.
I did, later, actually fail 2 classes but I took one as pass/fail at least.
Oh buddy. I can't say we've all been there. But I've been there. And this thread has evidence of others. We're not alone.
Oh, and I can tell you how you got a C+, because I've been there as well. Everyone else in the class was quietly nearly failing, either because the material is so hard, the teacher is so bad, or the students are all a mess. When that's the case and the teacher grades on a curve, things like your C+ happen. (I got a D, but still, there was no way I should have passed, with as much of the course as I simply stopped showing up for.)
First one happened to me today at my job. Where I'm legally allowed to park anywhere unless it's really stupid. I parked in a tiny Starbucks parking lot to do some work but I parked so bad I just left the area and parked somewhere else.
Leafy81 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:11:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm curious as to what job allows you to park wherever.
I work in public works with sewers. I'm (mostly) allowed to park wherever because manholes are sometimes in the middle of streets, in people's yards, etc.
Leafy81 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:58:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can park in the middle of busy roads whenever I want. Like, literally anywhere on the road including intersections. I can drive the wrong way down one way roads (with good reason of course). I can block entire roads off temporarily. A couple examples.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:39:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I don't think anyone has gotten in trouble for bad parking. You gotta really try to mess this up. Like parking on a railroad, taking up like 3 lanes for no real reason (if you need to take that much up, you need traffic signs and shit), blocking off access to parking lots or stuff without a reason... Parking in front of firehouse driveways lol.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:57:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So if a cop sees your car parked in a place that regular people wouldn't be allowed to park, how would (s)he know not to ticket you? Is there a sign on your car or something that lets cops know that you're allowed to park there?
Stopping on a highway, in the middle of the road, to eat a picnic of tuna sandwiches and Waldorf salad and then taking a shit right in the picnic basket
klye7952 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 20:31:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, this is me. There is a little alcove that has mailboxes for all the employees in the building I work at. It's right across from the lobby elevators. If I'm about to have to awkwardly share an elevator ride, I will pretend I'm checking my mail box and just wait in that alcove for them to catch their elevator.
My college has two sides separated by a large bridge over a road. I have like 10 mins to get to another class so it's never an issue. WELL, one day there were a group of people from my high school all talking together in the middle of the bridge. Not wanting awkward small talk with people who I'm really not invested in, I take the elevator down to the ground floor, walk about 1/4 mile to the crosswalk for the road, cross the road, walk ALL THE WAY to the other side of campus. I was late by 15 mins to my class and spent the entire lecture wondering why the fuck I'm like this.
I'm staying with relatives temporarily for two more weeks. It sucks but like none of them use a house key because there's almost always someone home, so they don't know where the lone house key is. Someone in the home is rather spiteful and "forgets" I'm coming home and locks me out at night.
I was visiting my hometown and went to hang out with a friend. Yada yada yada, I ended up getting out of his house and going back to where I was staying at my brother/cousin's shared place around 2am. The house is NEVER LOCKED during the day, but my brother had locked on his way out for his overnight shift, forgetting that I wasn't back yet and didn't have a key. I didn't want to wake up my cousin so I ended up going to Denny's until my brother had his meal break. Think I ended up being able to go to bed around 5:30.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but their windows are kinda high off the ground. They don't pull that shit every night, but I can't go hang out with anyone after my second job because if it gets to a certain time they will. It completely inhibits my life but I'm about to move out.
I feel you. Iโm scrolling through this thread noticing how most of these Iโve done or could see myself doing.
Iโve done the first, the other 2 I can say Iโm too lazy to do and I canโt sleep in my car, itโs too small for me lol. Just know you arenโt alone and we can all have funny stories for our friends and family later!!
wtfrara ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:38:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Credit card rejected at a gas pump so I just left.
I will drive hilarious distances to avoid parallel parking. The smart thing to do would be set up some garbage cans by my house and just practice, but I'm 25 so I would feel so dumb doing it- like, I've had my license for 7 years already, why don't I have this down?
DAE hate it when staff at regular establishments get too familiar with you and ask about your kids, work, etc. makes me change establishments. Iโm running out of them now so am considering moving cities.
I started going to the far grocery store cause I felt like the cashiers at the close one were starting to recognize me. For some reason I don't like this. I experienced true joy when they installed the self-check out machines recently. Then I felt bad cause some of the employees that may have recognized me had to find new jobs.
That sounds like your anxiety is severely effecting your life and is getting out of hand. As someone who's been there, maybe it's time to take action (if you're not already)? One thing that helped me was realising that nobody takes you as seriously as you take yourself. Like how much do I care if a stranger parks badly and corrects it, or even if they fell over, I'd think it was funny for two seconds and move on. They might think about it for weeks! Nobody cares as much as you do :)
I've lived with anxiety for 28 years so it's just kind of a part of me, like having brown hair. I don't really put much stock in the social or general anxiety because I have been through much, much worse. Was agoraphobic for nearly three years and still suffer from occasional panic attacks. Would rather drive my car to the Moon for my perceived bad parking than endure another panic attack lol!
The panic attacks (not relevant to my social or general anxiety) were a huge monster in my life and were terrifying, rather than a mere nuisance. So, I guess I just don't feel like the other stuff is that big of a deal.
Panic attacks are absolutely horrible. I'm glad you don't get them anymore. Do you mind me asking how they stopped?
tigerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried this new found 'no one cares what you do' therapy at my best friends birthday party a couple months ago. When I decided I was done socializing I just sat in a chair in the corner and stared at people. I was pretty content, but I guess I creeped a lot of people out. Forward to another party last month, after i had my fill of bullshit chat I just went into their basement and watched star wars until everyone had left.
All kinds of stuff, man. I'm a weird chick. Like, I'll drive the long way around stuff to avoid certain intersections and exits because I'm nervous about taking too long to turn out of difficult places.
I watch my phone ring and as soon as it stops, I Google the number if I didn't recognize it.
There was this really social cashier at my old Walmart and if I saw him working I'd go stand in another line 20 deep just to escape him.
Sleep in my car because I'm too afraid to wake anyone up by knocking on the door.
I used to do this when I smoked weed. I hated the thought of having to talk to my family so id just crash in my car. I kept two blankets in my car just for this because it got really fucking cold in the winter.
I've done all three of these. The middle one is my status quo. I grew up in a small town where my whole family would drive a town or two away to avoid people, and we regularly ate takeout or fast food in the car in a dark, far corner of the parking lot to both avoid going in and avoid being seen in this state of avoidance, etc.
I definitely developed this behavior from my mother, which I realized is not normal. She was humiliated with herself after gaining a ton of weight, so we ate out in a town 45 mins away. I have no reason to be ashamed of myself, so idk why I do it. I learned a lot of my anxiety from her. It sucks.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:38:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god that second one is me. Quarter of a gas tank to get to a Target nowhere near me and I still manage to see someone I know and internally I go "Fuck" and pretend I don't see them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:37:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't parallel park at all if someone is waiting behind me. I make a few attempts before giving up and driving off, everytime. In general if there are people watching me I instantly become worse at parking but if someone is waiting on me I forget how to do it entirely.
Lol there are far, far worse things in life. I love my life and am just largely used to this by now, at 28 years old. I majored in Psychology and learned therapeutic techniques and have a come long way as a person, so I just take it in stride.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's how you handle these things. Learn how not to care. I suffer from anxiety too and I've taught myself not to care about a lot of things. The most important thing is, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. This is probably the toughest thing a person with social anxiety can get over.
OH GOD. That parking thing is too real. I parked really bad at the grocery store the other day. There were people around and I was too embarrassed to re-park my car so I pulled out and parked in the literal farthest spot from the store where nobody could see me.
I also park HORRIBLY at work every morning so I try and get there about ten minutes before everyone else so I have time to re-park without looking like a fucking idiot who canโt drive. (Which I am)
WitNicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao the first one had me dying
averym88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i did something similar with pulling into a gas station. i pulled in once and thought that i had pulled into the wrong side so i did this elaborate, terrible back-in job to the gas pump with many people waiting only to find out that I was originally on the right side. i got back in my car and just drove away.
Have also done something kinda like that, except I pulled up the wrong side, got an attitude and whipped to another pump only to somehow still have pulled in on the wrong side. I gave up and left.
First day of high school there was a really cute girl in my homeroom. I wanted to introduce myself, but I didn't want to look obvious... so I introduced myself to everyone in the classroom... one person at a time.
oculus_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So ya know sports am I right?
Siphyre ยท 380 points ยท Posted at 21:12:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it because I realize that 90 % of reddit disagrees with my viewpoint and I will get a lot of flak despite me being pretty sure that they are just stupid.
I donโt have the filter for this... made a joke on r/unethicallifeprotips, got yelled at by some idiot, and then when I tried to explain that I was kidding I got downvoted into the seventh circle of hell
The joke was literally just me saying in response to a comment about how that ULPT was illegal, โwell, it is called unethical life pro tips for a reasonโ
slanid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:49:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got downvoted and called names because this guy was saying he was gay because it was mysterious and something he "couldn't have" and all I said was "the grass is always greener lol". Got called homophobe, told people can't choose being gay, all this stuff. Because of a joke.
Once upon a time, the downvote was meant for content that does not contribute to discussion. Now it is for things you don't agree with.
Personally, I post some things knowing I'll get downvoted but do it anyways to give voice to that other viewpoint. The echo chamber of reddit is quite dangerous
Your dedication for proving him right is truly endearing!
Oh, and by the way, I think this "." is yours!
I found it fluttering aimlessly through the ether, looking lost.
:)
everred ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:54:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I was certain that was either a common joke, saying, quote, or something like that, but I can't find anything, at least not in English?
In any case I felt it was a clever turn of words, and thanks for the laugh! It was very welcome.
When I read your comment I immediately, in a split second, imagined a very stern teacher trying to emphasise the value of punctuation by a serious and moralizing story, oblivious of the inadvertent joke.
Imagination is a funny thing :)
I also missed a comma after "Yeah". My lack of end-stop punctuation was intentional, though, as short messages without periods are often perceived as less harsh by the recipient, and generally convey a more casual tone.
Fuck yeah, I hate it when people end their comments (online, in casual convo) with full-stops, it comes off as if that person is really serious and/or an arsehole. I rarely end my comments with a full-stop unless I'm arguing with someone. Never seen anyone talk about it before so this made me really happy for some silly reason
It felt weird, but doesn't always. I guess it's got something to with the momentum of the sentence. If the momentum fizzles before the end, the missing full stop isn't missed as much in it's role as stop to the sentence after it ended.
I almost always get so silly with all the words whenever I try to write anything, they really are funny little buggers!
Being serious, and yeah it's weird that you didn't use a full-stop there as it was only the end of a sentence and not the end of a comment. The fact it was followed up with another a sentence that did end with one just makes the whole comment look like a punctuation abortion
Weโve all been there. Weโre all socially awkward in some way, probably why weโre on Reddit. Those top comments make everything look so effortless....
PMacLCA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had conversations with someone where we disagree - respectfully - and somehow both of us ended up downvoted. I think people get some sort of cathartic pleasure out of trying to make others feel bad online lmao.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This right here. I donโt have the energy to stand against the incoming tide of stupid on Reddit sometimes.
Usually if I get a response all the way finished I'll post it, but I'll often formulate a response in my head, get a couple sentences into typing it, then decide it's stupid and/or not worth the effort.
I usually just write it out in my mind. Repeat it over and over again with little variations to make it the perfect post, and then never type any of it out.
For me it's usually "I have something meaningful to add to this discussion but people online are dumb and it's not worth getting involved" so I just delete what I typed and look at something where thoughts don't get you criticized.
I used to do this but then stopped. Like, you can actually see where I stopped doing that in this graph
Sullan08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just over explain a lot by nature over text so i can seem way more into a conversation or topic when i really don't care that much. So now if i notice it dragging on too long I'll just delete it.
Shpleh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone just trying tonget gold in this thread, but it's just one of the countless ones where noone actually gets any. I think those people just gild themselves anyway
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It works about 25-33% of the time for me and I've never wasted money gilding myself.
Shpleh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it. I was just trying to get gold anyway lel
Ennui92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:26:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Type for 5 minutes, spend 15 minutes editing, realize thread is 12 hours old, decide "fuck it" and hit Ctrl-W. Browser says "are you sure you want to leave this page? Browser is taunting my failure.
I always write out a long explanations of why the comment iโm replying to is wrong... then i just delete it because I realize that everyone will probably disagree with me anyway and I donโt want to waste my time rewriting and Iโve already stopped caring.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:48:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the thought of having to deal with conflict and people disagreeing to my disagreeing is just anxiety inducing.
threads where i have a reply to someone posting a reply to my post is me actually viewing that thread again later and posting a reply... never from my inbox
Squillem ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:07:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
types for 5 minutes
"Nevermind. Reddit won't give a shit."
I do this because I don't want to have arguments with people over differentiating opinions.
catrain ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:59:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I strongly relate to this. I live a miserable life, I don't want to waste what little peaceful time I have being insulted or arguing over different opinions.
You took the words right out of my brain. Often I will write out a response - my thoughts, opinion, maybe put someone in their place that is being unkind - but 80% of the time I'll hit cancel before submitting. I often feel better having just written it out, but I'm not in a place in my life where I have the fortitude for arguments.
A number of times work has intruded when I was about to hit submit, and when I came back 20 minutes later I would read my comment and identify some bad assumption I made about the other person that really triggered me. Now I do it on purpose and usually just delete the reply.
Yeah I do this too. I'm about to correct something related to my specialty in my field and then I'm like, you know, in this context, I'm just going to have a dozen people with no knowledge of this issue call me an idiot or a tumblr user for not accepting the mainstream misconception, and no one's going to learn from it anyway, so I'll just delete this and let them have their 45 seconds of fame with their comment that most people think is insightful.
djm19 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:02:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time. I can't help myself. I'll make these long posts with links and all that jazz, then delete it because who cares and I consider myself spent on the issue and don't want to feel the need to comment any more so better stop while I am ahead.
Maybe this is the start of a subreddit where people can confidently share their deleted posts in a safe zone. I deleted this twice but in the spirit of fearless honesty... I wonder how many great comments will never be seen because of shy.
I do this regularly on Twitter. I'll start responding to a tweet and think to myself "You've been responding to them too much lately. Quit being a creeper" and I'll delete it. :/
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:53:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one hits close to home
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:10:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally posted this then looked at it and thought ew and deleted it. So now Iโm reposting it, and keeping it up, cause I realised it actually is me.
i usually do this but not because i feel stupid, but because i dont want to go back and correct all the spelling and punctuation mistakes that i have made due to my gigantic thumbs hitting 'n' instead of the space bar on my fucking phone all the time
Type out a long, thoughtful response then decide against it because you don't feel like arguing with idiots who have 0 reading comprehension skills or just skimmed.
I was writing about that time I went to the convenience store, asked the cashier something and I don't know why, for some reason she puts a pack of cigarettes alongside the items I was buying, instead of telling her, I went along and paid for it, and I don't even smoke.
Then I deleted it, this thread have almost 3,000 comments so no one's gonna read it anyway.
LPT: Whenever you delete a post like this, copy or cut it instead of just deleting it. That way, if you change your mind a few minutes later you have it saved.
This isn't anything to be ashamed of. Write out a long ass post, realize it will be poorly received and stress you out for no reason, delete and go do something worthwhile with your time.
Jckruz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, this is the dumbest thing thread. Not the dumbest thing you do about 12 times per day...
I wanted to delete this comment but I realized the irony in that.
I want to delete it again, becauase I am always too afraid to try to use the word Irony...
This isn't actually a bad thing. Can you imagine if everyone stopped to reflect on their posts before hitting 'save'? Reddit would probably actually be full of pleasantness
๐๏ธ ilalmtae ยท 3309 points ยท Posted at 15:45:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I accidentally got on the bus going in the opposite direction from where I wanted to go, and instead of getting off at the first stop after I realized this, or the next 20 stops, I rode the entire route. Just because I didn't want anyone to know what I did (not that they would have anyways).
[deleted] ยท 1131 points ยท Posted at 16:08:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once, but I thought that the bus would loop on its route, or double back. It did neither; it reached a station and the driver got off, and the bus was ready to be retired for the night. Goddamnit.
tomerz99 ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 21:18:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I feel the pain. Our university has a bunch of the same green busses for all of its different routes, but I only ever see one or two. Decided I didn't need to check the number when I hopped on one during the summer and that shit took me like 40 minutes away to a mall, and the whole way there I was just debating on whether I should tell the driver it was an accident or just hope he stopped soon. The kicker?
I did this on a bus that was supposed to loop. Didn't want to wait for the bus coming the direction I wanted to go, so I hopped on the one that loops around. The driver got to the furthest point from where I wanted to go and said they weren't going back that way and I had to get off. Walked a mile in the rain...
Same. Bus looped on the route, I knew it. Then the one time I missed my stop and decided to ride the loop, nope, they were stopping services that day for some reason. Ugh.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:57:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel better...
I was stationed in S Korea. My buddy and me snuck off base and took the train to Seoul. We did not speak Korean. Most announcements on the train are in English and Korean, but one was just in Korean.
Soon after that announcement, the car empties out. We go on our way, and then stop in a really dark place underground that's obviously not a subway stop. The doors do not open.
So here we are, two soldiers fresh in the country with about five words together in the native language, freaking out in a train car underground in the pitch black. Can't call anyone we know and ask what's going on, cause we're supposed to be 20 miles to the north.
A lady comes in with a cleaning cart and stares at us for a good minute, then says something in Korean. We stare back at her, saying nothing. Both of us had just blanked out completely. Finally, she leaves and some dude comes in a really official uniform and tells us in super broken English that we were supposed to get off at the last place.
The train was done for the night, and no more would be running for four hours. As non-employees, we couldn't get off and leave through their service station. So, they cleaned the entire interior of the train with us on it. Then, drove the train to a new stop and opened several security gates just so we could get off.
c0mplexx ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:38:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happend to me this summer at The Netherlands tho at a train, somewhat fell asleep and the security guards were knocking on the windows for a while so I would get out. With it being the first time of me trying to actually go by myself outside of my home country the amount of anxiety I had was pretty insane
ZaMiLoD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that and looped around the wrong way (took an hour).. I try to avoid busses...
wuulala ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:07:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I once thought the same. Can't be arsed to cross the street to take the bus from the correct side of the street so I took it from the wrong side, thinking that it'll loop back eventually which I don't mind waiting for since I'm new to the city.
Ended up at the last stop at the next town where the bus goes to rest.
I did this a couple weeks ago, I had to awkwardly ask the driver for a transfer while he was getting off because I didn't have the change for another fare. Took almost two hours to get home when getting on the correct bus would've taken 5 minutes
I did this my first time taking public transportation because I wanted to see what the route was and didn't realize it was retiring. It ended in the next town over and I walked 2 hours back instead of calling an Uber because I had never done that before and felt embarrassed.
You might be my son....I had to drive 30 minutes out of my way at peak hour to rescue him and he missed football practice. I told his coach why he he wasn't there; he gave him shit about it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! Happened to me this summer in Amsterdam while riding the tram.
Pjabs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooooh I did this too.... except it was in Toronto... the bus took me from my city to Toronto as a 14 year old I was scared shitless
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha this happened to me in Japan, I thought it would loop but it didn't. The bus driver is really nice & didn't need us to pay for it.
HMCetc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what happened? Did you get told to get off or did you realise this after sitting on the vacant bus for half an hour?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was told to get off, and not politely. I had my rollerblades in my backpack, so I skated about half-way home, and got onto the subway when my patience ran out.
HMCetc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a shit day. Totally a situation I'd get myself into too.
There was one time where I got on the bus to go across town, but instead of pulling the cord at my normal stop, I accidentally leaned on the cord about 2-3 stops after I got on (The seat I was on was in the back and the cord was more eye level than above head level)
I got off the bus and walked the rest of the way
somecow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:03:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt ride the bus often enough to know that theyโve added or removed stops, so I do this shit every time. I had to walk a mile once just because iโm a fucking space cadet.
bizitmap ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:14:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know a dude who did this with a car.
He was asked by his boss to drop off a vehicle at another office branch, and catch public transit back. It's only a few miles away. He gets on the freeway heading eastward when he should be going west. He figures it out after 20 minutes, but rather than yknow just turn around.... he panics over how dumb he's going to look in front of his boss and keeps driving for two hours. This is decades before cell phones, so when the boss people notice he's missing they have no way to contact him until he calls from a gas station.
I did this fairly late at night once and the only other people on the bus were 2 teenage kids. once I'd clocked that we were not going in the direction I'd expected one of the kids pipes up and asks the driver where he's going.. then realises his error and asks if they could stay on til it came back round the route. The driver started chewing them out about not paying attention and wasting his time.. I sat there listening to the whole thing pretending I hadn't done the exact same thing
I did this once! I had just got off work at a somewhat new job and I had a few different bus route options to get home. It took almost an hour to go around. The worst part was when I got back to the stop by my work, a co-worker got on and asked me why I was there....
There was a bus that had two stops near my school, one at the bottom of a hill and one at the top right next to the school. I naturally assumed that the route would be for the bus to go from the bottom to the top pretty quickly, since the bus went from the top to bottom in about thirty seconds.
Turns out the total bus route to get to the top of the hill went through three different neighbourhoods, a few miles of highway, took about two hours in all.
Kathwino ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:07:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this exact same thing.
Also I once got on the train on the wrong side of the track so it took me the wrong way. The instructor said I could just stay on the train until it looped back around but instead I got off at the next stop which was some tiny unknown village and went to the pub until the train came back.
soldemon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:46:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how would they know? just get off on the next station and don't say anything.
Yeah, I'm confused about this too. If you get on the bus going the other direction and you simply get off on the next stop, wouldn't people just assume that that is your stop?
Mannion1 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 16:07:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin moved to live with my immediate family from greece to london.
One day she was coming home on the bus in the winter and it was dark so she missed the stop. When she looked around she was in an area which is a known for being a little rougher. Not knowing where she was, she sunk into her seat and stayed on the bus for the next 2 hours till it terminated and called my dad to come and collect her. So obviously they asked her 'why didn't you just get off the bus earlier?' Her exact response was "i don't know there were a lot of black and Indian people, it was scary".
Now she had only recently moved and clearly wasn't uses to living somewhere multicultural so damn apparently casual racism stops people getting off of a bus?
I live in Chicago, there are absolutely places on the south side I wouldn't want to get off a bus at. It's demonstrably dangerous to do so. It's not racist to be realistic about the dangers of certain neighborhoods.
Right? Get off accidentally in Bucktown and the next thing you know you're wearing designer khakis and a polo on your way to a blacklight yoga session carrying a extra skinny latte, no whip, discussing the intricacies of organic buckwheat with your new best friend, wondering how you got there and why.
Not on the south side though. In some neighborhoods they really will fuck you up.
Cereborn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to a friend of a friend of mine. Scary shit.
There are some parts of the city that you just don't go to, public transit or driving. It's annoying when Google gives you the three fastest ways to get somewhere but they're all hood route.
Thatโs a whole fact. Google should have skull and crossbones sections on maps to help us avoid dangerous areas.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there's a massive difference between being scared to get off a bus because there's black and indian people there and getting dropped off in Englewood...
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:09:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Casual racism stops many people from driving through some areas, so it would likely stop them from being in those areas on foot.
Tbh, East Africa is only as dangerous as the news you watch. The rule of thumb is to visit a while after elections or before. You could visit for more than a month and not run out of sites to see or things to do.
Most countries a pretty small so you could visit a ton of places within a day or two of driving. My work involves routine visits to sites around Africa so I could give you tips on places to see.
Lastly, everything's cheap as fuck so 1000$ can easily cover a family 3 day weekend to almost anywhere.
The2kman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two bus routes goes through this same road I was at. One of them pretty just goes straight and the other takes a turn at another major road. Rode the former when i wanted the latter.
And so that i don't the same mistake again, at the end of the route, i just decided to walk back a mile and half to nearest correct bus stop.
demize95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this regularly, on purpose, because only one bus ran on that route so it made more sense to get on and let it loop around than to wait for it to loop around and get on.
I did this once and had a great time talking to the bus driver. I guess thatโs not awkward tho bc I simply realized itโd be faster to stay on for the long haul. He would have picked me up on the way back.
I did this once too. Went way out to the edge of town and I was the only person left on the bus. When we got to the last stop before the bus turns around, the driver asked me if I was getting off and I had to confess my shame. I was stuck on that bus for a good two and a half hours.
I did this in Las Vegas after a late night show. A friend and I assumed the bus would loop around and go the direction of our hotel. Instead, after driving so far out of the city it was pitch black desert, the bus pulled into the terminal for the night. Thank goodness there was one more going back into the city. A ten minute ride turned into a three hour ride, and we finally got to our hotel at about three in the morning. Would not recommend.
It's kinda like when you are walking down the street and realize you forgot something. So you make a big show of checking your phone or making a face that clearly denotes, "Oh silly forgetful me!" Because just turning around with no warning would be weird. Even if you don't know any of the people around you.
I've done the same thing before. It was on a route I was unfamiliar with, so I didn't even realize that it was going the wrong way until it took me to another city.
Kind of reminds of of when Ross (from friends) accidentally took the bus to Canada or something crazy like that, just in hopes of talking to the girl next to him who was asleep the whole time, and when she woke up it was her stop to get off and she said, "aren't you gonna get off?" LOL
Squidbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually sleep on the bus, and I've never missed my stop because of it. But one time we were pulling up to a transfer station that's halfway through the route, and I had just woken up, still in that half asleep mindset
So I was riding bus 1, and I see another bus 1 pulling out of the station as we were pulling in. Me, in all my sleepy brilliance, thought "hey I can just get off here and catch that one before it leaves, that'll save me like 10 minutes". And I do exactly that, I get off the bus and sprint across the street to catch the other one before the light changes, and I make it
Then as I stand there on the new bus, still waking up but very proud of myself, I realize this bus is going the wrong way. I rode it for a few stops and then got off so that nobody would think I was a fucking idiot that just got on the wrong bus. I ended up having to wait for the next correct bus, actually wasted about 30 minutes
HMCetc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me too. I actually thought I'd gotten the wrong bus altogether so I got off (the bus was at the end of the route), checked the timetable and realised my error and got back on. Thankfully, after explaining to the driver I went the wrong way he just let me back on and I didn't have to pay 2 fares, but he did tell me I had to wait 10 minutes before we set off again. He was nice.
I did that once, but because the bus had the wrong sign on, and I assumed when it wasn't going my way that there was some sort of detour. Ended up at the opposite end terminal, had to ride the same bus back.
Yeah that's pretty dumb indeed, no one would have noticed or cared. I think you may be a narcissist if you honestly think random strangers are that focused on you.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:07:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or social anxiety..
vhantas ยท 2146 points ยท Posted at 17:33:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I, for some reason, was too lazy to get up and pee (upon waking up in the middle of the night). Though the bathroom was only a few doors over- everyone was asleep and would possibly know I was peeing due to the quiet of the night. There was an obvious solution.
I consciously pissed myself right there.
Defiantly, and with a determined expression, deciding I would deal in the morning. Thus, thoroughly soaking the bed.
I then attempted to go back to sleep.
Realizing my mistake, I can't sleep like this, I went and told my parents I pissed myself in my sleep and asked them to change the sheets. They did, but then to make it seem less weird, I acted as if this was a very common occurrence.
It wasn't.
I had to wear huggies/night diapers at the age of 10, every night from then on, and especially to sleepovers (peeing in someone else's bed would theoretically be worse).
All because I could not look my mom in the eyes and say I pissed myself on purpose, with forethought. This was 5th grade.
I pissed myself at a sleepover in the 5th grade. We all shared a bed (about 4 10 year olds in a king sized) and no one said anything so I assumed no one noticed. Shit still haunts me to this day.
Plot twist: They put your hand in a cup of warm water and then when it actually worked they freaked and didn't know what to do. Right then and there they made a pact to never talk about it again, and none of them have to this day.
I wet the bed at a weekend sleepover. I wet it on the Friday night, didn't tell anybody. On the Saturday night another girl wanted to trade beds (my bed was prime position in the middle). I agreed.
She didn't say anything.
Didn't know if she kept quiet because she was a good friend, or if she didn't notice at first and then maybe thought it was her.
bossdogs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago two of my buddies shared a bed super drunk, woke up covered in piss. To this day the slightest mention has them hurling accusations about who did it
For some reason I completely pissed myself while I was sleeping and I was like fourteen. Never happened before, never happened again. I told my dad and he was like โweird but okayโ
I had a weak bladder until I was about 15, so this was a common occurrence for me. Thankfully this is no longer the case; I would often force myself to refrain from drinking any liquid past 6pm and sleep thirsty as hell, so I couldn't sleep anyway. Funnily enough, this also resulted in a awkward moment where on a school trip when I was 12, I brought pyjama pants in my suitcase since we were staying in a chateau over a week. My best friends were in the same room as me and I had to guard my suitcase with my life lest they find the pants. I missed out on hot chocolate a lot, since we'd all get some every night before sleeping. The last night I just drank loads and ended up staying awake all night to avoid any "accidents" >_<
I had to wear huggies/night diapers at the age of 10
When did it stop?
vhantas ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:25:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just stopped wearing after a long few months and never mentioned it again. Still enough to scar a brother.
Grenyn ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:32:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once woke up super sleepdrunk, like reality was barely registering.
I knew I had to pee and that peeing in my bed was a bad idea but I didn't want to get up and decided to just pee and deal with it later just like you.
I think I did go back to sleep though.
Log-Lady ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:31:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didnโt you just change the sheets yourself?
vhantas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:35:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were in the attic.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Log-Lady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs around the age my mom taught me how to do laundry. Pretty sure she did the normal sheet changes herself but the sheets were just in the closet. If I peed the bed and didnโt want anyone to know I would have just gotten them and changed it myself.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Log-Lady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah at that age I certainly wouldnโt have been up doing laundry in the middle of the night, maybe just changed the sheets on the bed and she would have found out in the morning anyway when she saw the dirty sheets
I did a similar thing. Recently, (I'm a teen) I was too lazy to pee in the bathroom after waking up. I thought it was the middle of the night. I opened the window, and pissed out of it, before my brother came in and told me to take the dog out. It was actually early in the morning. Not only did my parents chew me out, but my elderly neighbor was feeding her horses 200 yards away. (We live in the countryside.)
When I was in the fifth grade we had a field day where we would stay outside at a park and play games. There was an old building that was rumored to be haunted where we were supposed to go to use the bathroom. We had to have partners go with us but no one wanted to go with the weird girl so I had to go with a coach. She didn't even go in the building with me she just waited by the door outside. I walked through the door down the hall around the corner and stood there for a few minutes faking like I went because I was terrified of being in that building alone. To relieve myself I waited until we had a water activity and just let it all come out. I couldn't get all of it out because it was timed but the slight relief was still there. When I was getting back into line a boy berated me and told me he knew that I peed myself. He got other students to chant with him that I peed myself then screamed at my face "YOU'RE PEEING RIGHT NOW!"....I then could feel myself releasing hot urine down my leg. I suppose out of the anxiety of the situation I lost control of my bladder and released the rest of my held in urine in that moment.
Also, I did the exact same thing you did in your story when I was 15 years old. The regret was instantaneous. Fun times being a pile of cringe.
Two-Tu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:40:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shiiiet.
I had a friend sleeping over at my place. The bathroom was literally 4 metres away but that dude decided to piss into the blanket (which we provided him and which we also would normally use to cover our couch in the living room) instead of going to the bathroom. Of course, he didn't tell anyone. The next day, he left and the blanket was put back on the couch. I was sitting there, watching tv when I noticed the smell of urine. I tracked the source of the smell back to the blanket and thought, 'hold on, that's the blanket we gave my friend!'. So I asked him openly if he'd pissed into the blanket and he admitted it. As far as I remember, he was either too lazy or just too shy to use the bathroom nextdoor in the middle of the night. He didn't really want talk about it. Must have been super awkward for him and so I let him pass with it.
I went to school with a guy who rather than wake his parents and sister up when he had to pee in the middle of the night kept a stockpile of empty two liter soda bottles under his bed to pee in. He's wait until three of them were full and his family was out to go throw them away in the outside trash.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:15 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've pissed the bed in adulthood once. Never before and never again. Fuck if I know why. Never had a problem as a kid, was diaper free at age 2. So like, I don't think admitting it just happened once is any worse than a repeated event.
I had a friend when I was younger who had to wear huggies for that very reason, peter?
[deleted] ยท 156 points ยท Posted at 19:12:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sprained my ankle last weekend and continued hiking on it because I didn't want any of the people I overtook to overtake me again and see that I hurt myself while being extraโข
My ankle is still swollen to the size of a baseball.
dabriela ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:54:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what were you doing that was extra?
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:11:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Running up a crowded mountain trail and jumping from rock to rock. I realize it looks super autistic, but it's really fun to do. But I couldn't let people know that I'd fallen victim to the obvious, inevitable outcome of what I was doing.
Oh, gosh. So one of the few vacations I've been on, we went to this little beach town. We went in all the little shops including a jewelry shop. I don't even like jewelry, what was I doing there!!!!?? I don't know. Anyways, I'm looking at these earrings (didn't even like them) & one of the ladies working asked if I wanted to look at them. I didn't. My mind said no but my mouth said yes. Wtf. So she gets them out and she's like "oh, wow! They'd look great on you!" I'm flattered by this. "Oh, really?" I ask. "How much are they?" "Let me see" she says "oh, they're only seven fifty! Would you like me to bag them up for you?" No, I don't like jewelry says my brain, "yes, of course!" Says my mouth. So she's bagging them up, another lady behind her, she says the amount again so I whip out a $10 out of my purse, Slam it on the counter, Hell, I might even tip her the change. She again says "seven fifty" staring at me & I'm staring at her, confused. How is $10 not covering this? Some weird tax or something, so I slowly, looking awkward as fuck at her pull out a fifty........ as she looks at me, eyebrows raised, smirk on her fucking face, " seven HUNDRED fifty"
My jaw drops.
Embarrassed hick in this fucking jewelry shop. Where I don't even belong. Get me out of here.
I say, "oh, never mind then" & RAN. THE. FUCK. AWAY.
Ugh.
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 04:47:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In retrospect, I'd have said "for THESE?!" and faked scoffed back. At the time I would have done exactly what you did.
First time I made out with my first girlfriend. Had never kissed anyone before. We were on the couch dry humping, and I started thinking of anything I could to stifle my boner. She starts going at it harder, and I still stay soft. Against my will. By thinking about the Pythagorean theorem or some dumb shit.
She finally leaves and then tries to break up with me because she thought I just wasn't attracted to her. I was so confused and said I def was and she asked why I didn't get hard then. I literally blurted out "wait, girls like it when you get hard?" OH GOD WHY?!
She said "ummm... duh?" and I turned red. Luckily I somehow was quick enough on my feet to say "Ohhhh, the last girl I made out with (who didn't exist) was creeped out by boners so I tried to not get hard as I assumed all women thought it was gross."
My first kiss with my first girlfriend we were stood up and in order to avoid her feeling my growing member I tried to manoeuvre my hips away while still doing the kiss and we ended up nearly tripping over my desk as I wheeled us both awkwardly sideways.
Scylene ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:49:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 01:46:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To last longer in bed I think about how satisfying it would be to build a barn. Like by hand, I live in the city, I have no where to build a barn, I once got into a fight with an ex cause I got soft cause I was thinking more about the barn than her. Some days I think I would make a kick ass barn builder.
This is amazing. I have a feeling I'm going to picture barns next time I have sex.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:07:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't just picture barns! Put excessive thought into the process of building one! Like the Amish would!
Don't spend too much time worrying about the hayloft though cause I have found that leads to the idea of sex in a hayloft and can hurt the cause.
Oh don't worry, first time I made out with my first girlfriend I did the giant gaping maw make out style and everyone was horrified and she started laughing lol
Gotta start somewhere!
[deleted] ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 22:01:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao no, just awkward. I was her first boyfriend. She was also an adopted only child by older parents. We were seniors in high school and had been dating a couple years.
Ehh I wouldn't necessarily say that. I would consider myself kind of conservative when it comes to that kind of stuff, so I didn't mind. It was kind of cute even. Not to mention I am kind of awkward myself.
Cuz I was a virgin 17 year old kid with no concept of how women think.
Also, I think it may be related to the fact that if someone popped a woody in class, they got teased relentlessly. I guess I assumed boners = what a loser?
DWillows ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:58:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
meanwhile, I had the opposite problem. Making out with my first girlfriend hard as steel and dry humping on the couch was too good. Things ALMOST ended quite awkwardly, considering I had an hour walk home shortly afterwords.
At one point, there was only a one thrust difference between us enjoying ourselves and an awkward explanation from me with her on top of my lap. Thankfully she chose that exact moment to swap up positions.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let this be recorded in history as a master recovery.
Buerdax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In case I'll ever get a girlfriend, it will probably just be like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude have you seen the other's replies? You're like a smooth God in comparison
Grenyn ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck people whose first thought is to break up though.
Edit: downvotes, really? Is it not better to talk if you have an issue? Are impulsive decisions like breaking up over the smallest thing happening the way to go?
Who doesn't? I mean if they only have 4 years to adulthood and they still can't manage that, then they are either developmentally challenged or their parents and teachers have been failing them for the last 14 years and wasting the kids time.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:47:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know at 14, that's most people's first experience with the opposite sex in an intimate setting, right?
Sometimes I'll get boners at work and women will go with it and be flirty and then I kill the vibe by going into "serious mode" as if I don't have a boner... Probably not wise to get aroused at work but no one's brought it up to me in the 3 years I've been there. Even seen the camera angles from my bosses desk, then again the cameras are only checked when something goes missing.
Literally happened yesterday evening. My girlfriends mom made hamburgers and after the first bite I realized it was raw. I proceeded to eat 2/3 of the burger waiting on my girlfriend to take a bite out hers so she could tell her mom they were raw.
[deleted] ยท 253 points ยท Posted at 17:57:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Food poisoning for you!
[deleted] ยท -48 points ยท Posted at 22:11:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not with hamburgers since it's ground. Theoretically ground is also way worse since it probably came from many cows = higher risk of disease.
But I eat raw beef tartar often, and so does everyone else in my family and no one's ever had food poisoning. As long as you find a good butcher who makes sure not to get e.coli from the intestines, then you're probably good. EDIT: I wrote this for the another comment but I ended up deleting it since it was a bit irrelevant for his comment: raw beef is not necessarily gonna make you sick, but tell your butcher/professional you're eating beef tatar, and ask him if they prepare it to standard. Get recommendations and tips from them (they probably also taste the sausage mix since it's fresh pork meat, so they know when it's good to eat and when it's not) Ofc it comes with a risk - from the beef and the egg yolk, but it is so worth it to get the more expensive stuff, for your health's sake! Stay safe! But your situation might differ from mine. Where you live it might not be safe to eat raw meat, but where I live both raw meat and eggs are completely safe for consumption due to certain farming practices over the last 20 years.
Edit 2: the commenter above wasn't exactly wrong. He was just confusing ground meat with a steak. In theory a nice, seared steak WILL be safe to eat even if the inside is still frozen. There's a city in the US known for their method of cooking steak which is called the [city name] searing or something, where they just sear the outsides and eat the steak otherwise raw! Though there are exceptions, but you'd probably have gotten sick from a bad steak unless you cooked it to well-done - but don't quote me on that. I'm not a doctor or vet or anything like that so I'm just speaking from experience and such.
not_alot ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 23:35:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to say I appreciate your expansive knowledge of burgers. It always fascinates me when people talk about things they know intimately. I'd love to learn about it more when I can afford to pay a local butcher.
You only wanna flip burgers twice. I don't know why, I just know you do.
Burgers are like trigonometry to me. I know how to use a cosine, even though I have no fucking clue what it is.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:10:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was told it was because if you keep flipping it, it'll make it drier. I don't normally cook though so, don't quote me.
mcmb211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put on grill, cook halfway, flip once, cook the other side. Add cheese and devour. I usually do 6-8 minutes each side depending on how big I made the burgers. I'm not great at it, but you can use your spatula to press on the burger and see how done it is. More squishy = less done. For steak I use the thumb meat test.
If you keep flipping it the patty is losing heat and it won't penetrate the center, just keep cooking the outermost layer and turning it to burger jerky.
Yes! Heard that too! Get a thermometer too, so you know exactly how to cook it. You don't need the best of quality for a hamburger, but then you want to responsibly cook it.
Also remember the aftee-cooking. You might be aiming at a feeling and then only leave it on the cutting board for a few minutes and then be disappointed when you dig into your burger and find that the meat is almost a hockey puck!
I'm not an expert at all though! I just grew up with home cooking class during a raw meat&eggs epidemic and my teacher's teachings of doomsday and imminent danger if we even as much as dared look at raw meat, kind of ruined my view on food.
Then my grandma recently took me out for her favorite and I tried beef tatar which is raw meat and raw eggs! It was delicious and I decided to look it up a bit - watching some YouTube videos, looking at how masterchefs cook and I kind of realized that good quality raw beef isn't as dangerous as I was led to believe. From what I can gather the only real danger in the richer parts of the world, is if the butcher accidentally punctures the intestines so you get the risk of e.coli. But even then you shouldn't rush into raw beef or pork or poultry - our stomachs are barely even made for cooked meat and you could very well get sick just from eating a completely new thing.
But again, not an expert and only talking out of my own experience and what I'd feel safe eating. Your region is probably different and your butcher is educated enough to know exactly what to do and if it's even safe to eat tatar where you live. And if you want to eat at a restaurant: treat it like sushi or raw oysters (not exactly the same in terms of bacteria but these spoil very easily). You wouldn't eat that at a random grill, right? You'd find a nice place. Do the same for this and don't be afraid to ask questions.
Not with burgers, cause what was the surface gets all mixed up inside it in the process of becoming a burger, so you have to cook it all the way through.
She told her mom it was raw and then freaked out that I had already ate so much of mine....I tried to play it off that it wasn't that bad but they knew I was lying.
So many questions. Like isnt the more of tue burger you eat the more awkward it is? Why not eat slowly so you didn't have to eat so much before your girlfriend ate hers
bed_42 ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 04:54:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand that second sentence at all.
[deleted] ยท -62 points ยท Posted at 23:53:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got chicken at a restaurant that wasnโt cooked all the way. Ate most of it and ended up convincing my date that we should walk around Barnes & Noble for a bit. I told him I needed to pee real fast and Iโd find him and proceeded to have violent diarrhea in the bathroom. Then I looked very interested in whatever was directly outside the bathroom when he found me so he wouldnโt think Iโd been in the bathroom the whole time.
acsull ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 03:51:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I'm sorry I told everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now"
I went to my exs for dinner once, and her step mom made burgers. Everyone in that family liked their meat well-done, and I like my burger to not taste like leather. So when she gave me my burger it was, of course, raw. Ate the whole thing. Shat my brains out the next day
Pretty much, yeah. Mett is ground pork. Maybe add a little bit of spices to it. Put it on a well buttered roll and top it off with a few pieces of onion.
This is my personal favorite when looking for a snack at a bakery or shops that offer rolls with toppings.
tenjuu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:40:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've eaten plenty of raw stuff, mostly out of either desperation or drunkeness. Chicken, pork, ground beef. I always order my steaks blue if the restaurant I am at will serve them that way. Have yet to get the slightest bit sick from anything. Maybe I have an iron stomach, or just been lucky.
Someone else may have mentioned this, but you can do raw ground beef as long as you fresh grind it and use it before bacteria can start growing. It's just as safe as eating a medium rare steak.
What I'm going to say below is riskier, but I think it's worth mentioning if you're able to properly source your meat.
If you have good quality pork you can undercook it a tiny bit, the risk of parasites in todays farming industry is quite rare. The risk is trichinellosis but it's only really an issue when the animals are being fed random scraps and such, so if the pig your consuming was raised on a regulated diet the risk is super low.
Only from shitty factory farmed meat or due to improper food handling, here in Japan people eat raw liver, horse, fish (obviously), eggs and even RAW FUCKING CHICKEN!
I can't get over my programmed fear of raw chicken but I want to try it at least once, it looks disgusting though...
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 18:21:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit you just reminded me of something. One time when I was like 10 I was eating dinner at my friends house and his mom made steak. It was cooked so well done (my parents always made it medium rare) and chewy that it took me like 3 whole minutes to chew up each bite. Everyone else finished eating way before me and I slowly and painfully finished every bite on my plate with them all watching asking if anything was wrong.
I have a similar one too!
My family were pretty poor when I was growing up so my auntie often fed us - either round at her house or by bringing fresh fruit and tupperwares of stews, soups, curries and rice for the freezer (she's a saint). Her family are jamaican and we're (white) English so occasionally when we were round she'd cook something she hadn't made for us before and I wouldn't really know what it was. This one day, she made this chicken dish I'd not had before, and for some reason I got confused and didn't want to seem rude by leaving any of it, so I crunched my way through this big piece of cartilage and a bit of bone. At the end, everyone was sat there with pieces of bone and cartilage on their plates like normal human beings who know how to eat food meanwhile mine was suspiciously empty.
I'm still cringing now but I bet she found it funny. A few years later, one of my little brothers was really into eating chicken spines (Lord knows why) so in my head I always tell myself "it's ok, some people just like eating chicken bones..."
I did exactly this one time with soup. It had already gone bad. So I waited for my boyfriend to try it and say something. SO's mom and grandma ask me "why didn't you say something?". I just awkwardly answer "i didn't notice" and got weird looks from all the family.
Raw hamburgers are my personal nightmare. At every BBQ I will ask the guy running the grill to cook mine extra dark because I guess seeing pink meat gives me an anxiety attack.
The worst is when I'm at a small gathering where they aren't cooking burgers en masse and mine turns out raw (the only one that is raw, mind you, because I just attract that kind of torture), and I don't know what to do because I can't eat it, but also I can't tell the cook, "Hey this burger is raw," but also people will wonder what's going on if I just leave it on my plate, but also there aren't enough to just cook another one . . .
Let's just say that most of the BBQs I go to now are ones I host myself.
My gf decided to prank me by giving me a dog cookie that looked like regular cookies and I ate the whole nasty thing not wanting to tell her she was a terrible cook.
RNGPriest ยท -28 points ยท Posted at 19:50:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best part of homemade burgers is licking your fingers after mixing and shaping the patty... Which makes it awkward that I still fry them like everyone else, even though I prefer them raw...
FarmTaco ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 21:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What...
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:41:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sunnycmg ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...did she?
[deleted] ยท 977 points ยท Posted at 18:02:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so ridiculous. I used to get bronchitis every fall, and when I had it my junior year of high school I would launch into the most embarrassing, disgusting, longest-lasting, disruptive coughing fits around the same time every day in my psychology class, right in the middle of my (super intimidating) teacher's lecture. The teacher would look over and raise her eyebrows at me and make comments like, "Alright, are you dying over there?" I always had a bottle of water and cough drops with me, so I would start by taking a few sips and popping a Halls to see if it would help, and it rarely did...at least not for long. And because I had terrible body image/confidence issues back then, the last thing I wanted to do was rush out of the room to the hall or bathroom, hacking my head off, so that everyone would stare at me. To prevent having to do that and to stop drawing so much attention to myself during coughing fits in class, I would do dumb shit like hold my breath, clamp my hands over my mouth as hard as I could, and hold phlegm in my mouth until class was over. I was such a basketcase. I mean...I still am, I just display it in different ways now.
When I was a kid, the church that my family went to gave all the Sunday School students their own Bible with their name embossed on the cover, at the completion of their third grade year. It was the best because it was SO FANCY and my sisters and I would use it as a prop for any game where we needed an official-looking book, but so far my older sister was the only one to get one so she had a monopoly on Fancy Book props in our house. I was psyched to get my own and not need to rely on her anymore. We were, in case you can't tell, not a religious family at all; my parents took us to church largely because, and this is actually direct from my mom, "We wanted you to know all that bullshit already so that if you ever go through a tough time as an adult, no one sucks you into some dumb cult by telling you Jesus loves you know matter what."
So they would do this fancy little ceremony when they gave the Bibles to the students. idk, I guess that since we didn't get any cool Catholic rituals or whatever, my church just made their own. All the graduating third-graders would get up in front of the church and the pastor would go down the line saying a few kind words about each student and things he hoped for them in the future, etc. I was the last one in the line of kids so I was just chilling up there in front of the congregation. Suddenly I got that awful dry patch in my throat. You know the one. You just know it's going to turn into a huge awful coughing fit. You try to swallow a lot, to like re-hydrate it or some shit, but no. Once it's there, you're fucked.
So the pastor is on, like, kid #2 and I start swallowing as though my life depends on it. I just cannot bear the idea of having a huge endless coughing fit (they are always endless, aren't they) in front of the whole congregation. It doesn't help so I start holding my breath, because, you know, THAT'LL help. A few seconds later the coughs start convulsing out of me but I'm still trying to suffocate them by suffocating myself, and also drown them in swallows, so as they burst forth they bring tears to my eyes. A few moments later, tears are full-on streaming down my face while I shudder with cough convulsions. But, you know, no ACTUAL coughing, so 8-year old me feels like I'm still winning this fight.
Finally the pastor gets to me and I cannot even see him through all the tears in my eyes. He says a few nice things about me and I choke back sobs. He hands me my embossed fancy Bible and I'm like "WINNING, I DID IT AND NO ONE SAW ME COUGH!!!"
Then after the service all these religious old people in the congregation kept coming up to my parents and telling them how touched they were by the extent to which I was overcome by emotion, simply to have a Bible of my own. They all thought I was sobbing with, like, religious devotion or gratitude or something. My parents, who had not had a chance to talk to me yet, were equally mystified because they knew I was a savage little heathen and they could not understand why I had been moved to tears by the gift of a Bible. My mom asked me in the car and I fessed up and she was like, "Oh thank god."
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:42:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god this is such a good story. My family joined a Presbyterian church after moving from Wyoming to Mississippi because, as my dad best explained it to my husband (who grew up in the South), "Out West, you go to bars to meet people who will do favors for you. In the South, you go to church." But yeah, because Presbyterianism is like Catholic-lite or some shit, there were a ton of made up rituals like "confirmation" and "stewardship month" which never made any sense to me. All I knew was that the food was really fucking good, and we got fun fancy gifts like embossed Bibles too.
as a Presbyterian. Can confirm. Also, in the PC(USA), we get real liberal, so it's a good place to occasionally land and discuss politics and real life things and find people to fix your house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:20 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So true! Our church is PC(USA) and has members that frown at the much more conservative PCAs hahaha. Also, yeah if you need anything from a pool installed to a lawyer, or a doctor who makes house calls, they will hook you UP! And probably throw in a mighty fine casserole, too.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:11:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 20:42:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this when I had a really bad cough one year in high school. I was so self conscious of how long I coughed for, I would hold my breath and cough inside to the point where I couldnโt hold it anymore, and it would come spluttering out of me... worse than if I had just coughed it all out at once. Ugh.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:28:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your teacher was shit. What kind of a person makes fun of a sick kid?
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:27:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh she was a total witch. She retired after that school year, and I later heard a rumor it was because my graduating class (2008) stressed her out really bad and drove her crazy so...revenge?
Ahhhh yes my entire HS career. I had asthma and it took the form of getting these insanely intense, cough all your air out, maybe puke, agonizing coughing fits for months after getting a cold. Months.
So many uncomfortable moments in class as I choked on my own lungs, gagged and generally disgusted everyone. My history teacher would literally pelt me with cough drops, he would get so fed up with my coughing fits he would aim and fire and bounce them off me. Like those things would help!
It amazes me not once did I have one person say, hey, thatโs not normal. Maybe go to a doctor? Itโs not like I could have- health insurance=impossibile luxury and my mom was dead set against government assistance
I did once have a teacher in 5th grade tell me I was a disgusting child for not covering my mouth while coughing (while I was alone and outdoors, and I was so out of air I had tunnel vision at that particular moment.)
I did the same thing, but actually did see the Dr. My asthma was bad, it was the 70's/80's and meds sucked. Every fall I'd get bronchitis then pneumonia from being all phlegmy for months on end. Anyway, my first semester of college one professor stated on the first day of classes that if we were sick, not to step foot in her room and don't visit her office. Wait until we were healthy. I was sick by week 3, didn't return to her class all semester because the asthma had kicked it up a notch and I was coughing all the time. Didn't drop the class, didn't talk to her, just was out sick all semester. Failed the class, of course. I have since come to my senses, found the cause of my ridiculous asthma - celiac disease - and am healthy now. But 18 year old me was a complete idiot.
I swear I used to get awkward brain induced coughing fits during tests. It's the worst! It's so quiet, you can't leave, digging around your bag for cough drops looks sketchy. I would just sit there taking tiny little sips of water while turning red because I was trying not to cough.
I once had a pretty bad cold in class. Crazy runny nose. Instead of getting up and going to the bathroom to blow my nose, I just collected the snot that dripped into my hand, hoping I wouldn't need to use that hand for anything. When class ending, I calmly packed all my things using my one free hand and made it to the bathroom to thoroughly wash my hands. It was awful...
I had a similar cold the first time I took the SATs, and I had ONE tissue in my pocket. So I would continuously squeeze my nose into it (but heaven forbid I actually BLOW my nose and draw attention to myself) and then wring out this dripping tissue into my pocket. My whole pocket was soaked with post nasal drip by the end of the test.
This reminds me of that time I sneezed in shop class. It took me by surprise but thank god I got my hand up to my nose because it was snot. Everywhere. I just sat there with my hand over my face panicking but not wanting to walk my snotty face across the room to get a tissue. The shop teacher noticed and calmly handed me the box of Kleenex without even missing a beat in his lecture. 20+ years later and itโs still memorable. I bet it would have been just as memorable if he had pointed it out or everyone noticed and laughed, but itโs a good memory instead.
You never know when a kind gesture will be memorable.
Seviten ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:33:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some of the worst memories I have of my high school career are from taking AP exams because of something like this lol... I was always worried about my academic performance and everything, so stress plus general bad health had me coughing away during testing week.
We were shuffled into an entirely different building to test and the size/acoustics of the room were just unreal compared to the dinky little classrooms we normally had. I had to cough so fuckin badly though... Like I coughed a couple times to "scratch" the itch at the back of my throat thinking it would go away but nothing helped and it became clear the sound was reverberating throughout the entire fucking building. Neither cough drop nor measured breathing could save my ass from breaking up the impossible, pencil-tapping quiet. I suffered so much that day; the sheer effort of trying to not cough had an absolute torrent of tears in my eyes which led to a snotty nose. It was either look like I was crying because I wasn't shit at whatever subject I was taking the exam for ( aaand have 0 way to really deal with it) or be the loud ass distraction lmao.
I ended up missing almost a month of school because of that. I was coughing super bad in Spanish and my table started saying I was faking it. It eventually spread to the rest of the class and I couldn't bring myself to go to school anymore because the only thing worse then being really sick is being really sick and no one believing you.
This is my life story when it comes to being sick. I was never made to cough like a normal person. My family has always made fun of me for how loud and obnoxious I cough. I can't help it haha
avacatt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of when i would squeeze the hell out of my stomach muscles so it wouldnt growl or drink a fuckton of water at once
I did this in a math test once! The teacher was scary so I just held my coughs in, ended up with a streaming nose and eyes and just feeling utterly sick... at least nobody saw me cough!
Zelaxis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this too, to the point where I have tears streaming down my face in the middle of class.
I've done that, held the phlegm in my mouth for the entire period... Couldn't even ask to use the bathroom because the saliva would mix and I don't want to accidentally swallow the phlegm so I'd have a fucking gallon of water just accumulating in my mouth as I'm trying not to leak and breath through my clogged nose... Resorted to having a water bottle with fountain water half way filled up, pretend to take a swig as I spit into the bottle. Always had to hide the bottle. Luckily I went to a school where having your bag with you was okay.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would totally do the same thing, with the whole spitting into the bottle business. Ugh.
You sound like me. To top it all off I started getting random nosebleeds after I got my wisdom teeth taken out and my coughing fits started triggering them. Luckily people just started feeling bad for me instead of the scowls
madi_lol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I used to get really bad coughing fits in school too, especially during tests when it was super quiet. I'd try to hold it in and my eyes would start watering uncontrollably and everyone thought I was crying. I love that now I'm an adult and if I need to excuse myself to hack up a lung in the bathroom, I don't have to ask permission.
[deleted] ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 18:48:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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dabriela ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:51:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow this sounds exactly like something I would do as a senior in college lol
bor__20 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:38:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i literally did this exact same thing every other day for my last two years of high school
I had a two and half hour gap in between college classes my freshman year and instead of trying to make friends , hanging out in one of the numerous courtyards , the library , the commons , etc... I would just go and sit in my car for the 2.5 hours . If anyone walked by , I would quickly grab a notebook and pretend I was doing homework , so they wouldnโt think I was a freak . Lol good times .
Once ran to catch a bus that had started moving off. Driver saw me and stopped, but my brain kinda freaked out and I awkwardly/'coolly' strolled right past him, sat down, avoided eye contact, and pretended that I didn't want to board. Was late to school that day. I really was a dumb kid.
I think I've done this. In college. Pretty sure I saw that the bus was pretty full and I changed my mind about cramming awkwardly on in front of them. Of course, this was better.
ok iโm late to the party but iโll share anyway...
So back when i was working at dunkinโ donuts (right before motherโs day) this regular came in just like every other day... Weโd never really talk or anything it was usually all business when she came in. So I hand her her drink and I coulda swore she asked me "do you work tomorrow?" So I was like "yup!" And then she goes " OH! Happy Mother's Day!" And then I realized she asked me if I was a mother and now I had to roll with it because my stupid instincts told me to say "Thank you..." So now I'm panicking in my head but I tell myself, this lady doesn't know anyone I know and this was basically the only conversation we've ever had so maybe it'll be ok and it will never come up again... Then she walks passed me to leave and she goes "Boy or girl?" And in my head I'm like OH GOD NO!!!!!! But my mouth took action to weirdly and very creepily say "girl..." And my brain went "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING???" At this point I haven't made eye contact in like a minute and the lady wasn't satisfied with the level of emotional damage she's done and goes "Awww! How old?" And I want to cry at this point and I manage to get out "4?" Which was apparently all my brain could do before it shut down and I just stopped saying things and looked at the floor until I guess she got weirded out and left. And that's why I'm the most awkward person alive.
Dude, my boss did the same thing with an auditor, he wanted to make conversation so he said he had twins. Now everytime (about twice a year) the auditor comes he has to keep the charade up. I keep telling him to tell the guy they died in a car accident.
I was training some new people at work once, and the week after training ended, I ran into one of my trainees in the breakroom. We chatted for a minute, and then he asked, "So, how's your divorce going?" And I did the stupid automatic reaction polite chit chat and said, "Oh, fine."
I have no idea what he was talking about. I wasn't married, and further...there were only a few women working there at all, and as far as I knew, none of them were getting divorced. Only one was married, and she's still married, so...who did he think I was?
Thank you for this awkward story as I sit awkwardly waiting for an appointment. Seriously, it made me feel so much better.
jewmaz ยท 1154 points ยท Posted at 18:10:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but a girl I went to HS with. She was in a group of friends meeting a couple of one of the friend's friends. When one of the guys introduced himself and asked her name, she panicked and responded with "oh you don't want to know". The guy just stared at her like she was crazy.
Legend017 ยท 203 points ยท Posted at 19:18:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was you, wasn't it?
jewmaz ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 20:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surprisingly not! I can be awkward around the opposite sex but not THAT awkward
I have a very unusual name, and it's at the point where if I'm confident I'll never see the person again, I'll give out a much more common name that could feasibly be shortened from my full name. One time someone asked me my name, and I gave the fake, and he said "oh, but someone else said it was >full name<?" and it was... awkward
Leafy81 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:57:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an unusual name as well and to save time at places like Starbucks or a fast food place, I give a random name. I'm always afraid that I'll get called out for giving a fake name.
I often give the fake name at Starbucks and then zone out and realize my drink has been sitting there for too long. Or, the short, SUPER common name still gets mispronounced, which really makes me believe they do it all on purpose.
No. It just doesn't seem that awkward to give someone a feasibly shortened version of your name even if they question it. Especially when you follow up with a very feasible explanation. But, I wasn't there I guess...
jewmaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:13:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She has a very normal name though. At first I thought she panicked and couldn't handle a guy talking to her, but she's had boyfriends so I'm really not sure what was happening there.
I mean... In that case, you could be like "well then why'd you ask?". You know, deflect the awkward.
For real though, I find that if I have a premade thing I have to do like this, it's just easier to come up with premade lies to make explanations easier
Ugh! I did something similar one time. I was talking this older guy (who was too old to be interested in me, but I thought he was super cute) and he said that his birthday was at the end of January. Then he asked when my birthday was and for whatever reason, I decided to lie. So I said mine was at the end of January too! He asked what day, and my brilliant response was "The 21st? I don't remember" and of course then I was the weird girl who couldn't remember her own birthday.
Too real. Except I'm the guy and it's always a girl I find attractive. I normally get a good response out of it like a giggle and smile but I literally shut down once I realize what I say.
Inb4 Jugemu Jugemu, Gokou no Surikire, Kaijarisuigyo no, Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu, Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro, Yaburakouji no Burakouji, Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuuringan, Shuuringan no Gurindai, Gurindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokona no, Choukyuumei no Chousuke.
I one time saw a girl knew from high school (We were actually really good friends) at a Kohls. We had lost touch and I was with people so when she waved at me from behind her register, I gave her the look of who are you and pretended I was the wrong person. When I'm in that area I always hope I see her again to say I'm sorry. Also probably about 3-4 years ago that happened
Freshman year of college I somehow became friends with a cute senior that I wanted to impress. He and I were hanging out one night and he asked me if I smoked pot. I wanted him to think I was cool so naturally I said 'of course, love the stuff' (had never smoked pot in my life. big mistake). We then go to the apartment of 4 other seniors who I had never met and they start packing a bong...they tell me since I was new to the group that I could have greens! I had no idea what I was doing so I just tried to copy what I had seen in movies. Well I end up lighting the entire bowl and taking the biggest rip. It hits me so hard that I end up blowing all of the weed out of the bowl, almost drop the bong, and start coughing on the ground like my lungs are going to explode for at least 10mins. They are all asking me if I'm alright and I just continue to die on the floor. I ended up getting super baked and just sitting in silence for about 2 hours. Super awkward. Super embarrassed. Everyone was pissed I blew the weed out and wasted it. Never got invited over there again.
I have seen this happen before. Some guy came over to my buddy's house and wanted to smoke with us so we were like yeah sure, hand over the pipe and he just ROASTS the whole thing, moving the lighter around in a circle for a solid 10 seconds, just fucking kills the entire bowl. Then goes into a spazzing coughing fit and just kinda staggers out the door, never to be seen again. We were pissed.
HAAAGAY ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:44:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait where do you guys live that people dont pack their own bowls and clear them? Iv smoked for like 5 years and have NEVER shared a bowl????
Sinsista ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:44:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am also confused, I'm not even a regular smoker and have always packed my own cone and smoked it all in one go?
With good friends we share bowls at uni getting in groups being with new people we pack our own bowls.
HAAAGAY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But do you just burn part? Thats the part im confused about
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:38:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HAAAGAY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see makes sense i geuss, but here people who have less tolerence just pack their own smaller bowls and regular smoker pack bigger ones and just pass the bong along
You're either A) smoking out of really tiny pipes B) smoking shitty weed or C) have an incredibly high tolerance. We always shared bowls, about 2-3 hits each. Just burn a little bit at a time, don't roast the whole thing.
HAAAGAY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its c, i am a daily smoker who lives in canada with dispensaries all around me i just have never heard of it, even in highschool everyone cleared their own bowls including rimmers.
ratsnax ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:31:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A really similar thing happened to me freshman year of college. I was also acting like I had smoked before and for some reason blew into it instead of inhaling. So bong water splashed out and got everywhere! It was so embarrassing and my face is red now just remembering this!
lmao that's too much! For the longest time I never used a grinder and didn't break up the weed so it was just solid nugs in the bowl. We would roast the top half and turn the nug over for a fresh bowl!
I know this now! I went on to be a big stoner after this. At the time I just wanted to fit in. Needless to say the next time I smoked I asked to be hand held through the process haha
yehaha your story reminded me of starting out smoking with my own friends. We called that "spitting the bong" when you would blow out out the water or weed, usually because someone made you laugh while you were hitting the piece. ah good times
lol I had this almost exact same situation except I'm the guy in the story and the girl just freaked out in the middle of smoking and went and sat in my room for like an hour then made me drive her around to parks lmao
In middle school, I decided to try and seem more like a normal person, so when there was a new stage play announced, I decided I'd try and be in it since popular people usually did that. Anyone that wanted to be in it had to gather in the cafeteria and watch the movie before hand, to see what the play was about and who the characters were. During the movie, I farted. Like, pretty loud. We were all sitting on the floor close to each other. Everyone in front of me turned around. I smirked and did to, to pretend like I was looking for the person too. Pretty sure everyone knew it was me though. After that I never went back.
When i was 9 i farted in mosque class, out of sheer embarrassment i immediately pointed to the nearest person and said it was him. Except he was sat right next to the teacher. I was sent to the bathroom to wash myself, cause you know, god hates farts. Im not religious anymore, cause farts.
Iโve stopped doing this since because of this story, but I used to hock loogies outside. Usually on the grass but sometimes in the street if there wasnโt any around.
One time I was walking down the sidewalk when I went to spit- and saw a girl walking past me from behind as I turned my head. I had already started the action of spitting while I turned my head so at the last millisecond I redirected the hockers trajectory away from the girl and directly into my hand. This all happened over the course of half a second.
I made eye contact with her and was about to say something when she scowled and said โwhat the fuck is wrong with youโ and continued to walk away. So yeah, I donโt spit anymore.
That phrase from a girl is utterly impossible to come back from. You can't say anything to make it better. You will only trip up and make it worse. You are better off just yelling "YOU!" and running away like a mad man.
I have an aversion to that. The deep, snot drawing sound makes me almost puke. The consistency makes me puke to think about. If I'm sick and I know a good vomit will help I think about my mom's story. She told me that she went to drink off a fast food soda cup she thought was her's. She takes a long, deep drink on the straw and sucked a thick loogy through the straw. It was someone else's drink that was finished and spit in the cup. The thought gags me as I type and it's my go-to for puking.
Was walking to class once, had a dip in so I would turn and spit every so often. This chick was trying to pass me right as I was spitting without me knowing. Spit right on her. Tried to apologize but she just booked it right after lol.
Damn I was almost that girl. It barely missed me but caught me off guard so I panicked and apologized for walking there...on the sidewalk. He still apologized.
Holy shit I thought I was the only one...what do you even say? I dip and even I think it's gross. You spit your tobacco juice infused spit onto somebody. So awkward.
And the amount of times I've gone to spit in front of me and spit on myself right as I'm walking by somebody. It's amazing it took me so long to figure out to spit to the side.
bobmyboy ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a jerk. I would have just laughed and asked why you did that.
E: Got rid of bitch because I feel bad calling a girl a bitch. It just feels wrong.
From her perspective he just randomly spit in is hand.
bobmyboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel bad for saying she was a bitch. But didn't he say he spit in his hand last second? I personally would have just been like "Why'd you spit in your hand?" and laughed. Not have been like "What the fuck?" It's just kind of aggressive. And I know thats rich coming from the guy that said she was a bitch, so I'm sorry for saying that.
Spent 4 days and 3 nights in a friend's condo "showering" by slav squatting in front of the faucet and palming water onto me because I couldn't figure out the shower and I was too embarrassed to ask how.
Happened to me too on those dumb showers that make you pull down on the faucet, couldn't figure it out for the life of me so i just kneeled there, washing myself.
Emajine01 ยท 245 points ยท Posted at 20:43:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a two-fer
Was at an all girl's sleepover once in 2nd grade. Was mostly popular girls but I was friends with the hostess . We were all in the basement throwing back & forth a big rubber ball. My turn. Instead of just tossing it to another girl I BOUNCE it as hard as I can. It bounces straight up to the ceiling and explodes the lightbulb. Everyone screams. Her Mom had to come down with a flashlight and shine us all to safety. I cried because I messed up her house. No one wanted to sleep next to me in their sleeping bag so I had to find a spot in the hostess's bedroom while her and the other girls cut up all night in the living room. Next morning we were all outside playing. New day. Can redeem myself for cool points. I got her kid sisters' bike out being like hey watch me. The bike still had its training wheels. They lived on a hill. I started riding it down. Stupid bike was too small for me & started going really fast downhill. It got away from me & I slid backwards so that my vagina was riding the back tire. I was screaming HELP ME and crying. No redemption. I was never popular. I blame it on this.
Same, Iโve been laughing out loud at a lot of these but this one is the best
kabes ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:52:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a time when I was in 4th grade at my friend's birthday party. She was having a campout at her grandparents' house. We were all in the tent and someone farted (wasn't me, yet all of them blamed it on me) and they all refused to sleep next to me in the tent and made me feel horrible about it. I ended up going inside and sleeping inside her grandparents' house and crying myself to sleep. I have no idea why I stayed friends with the host of this party until high school; she was a horrible friend to me.
The sleeping bag part made me laugh but then want to cry a little too. Sorry they were mean like that. Once at a sleepover our sleeping bags were all set up but I walked away to the bathroom. When I came back, a girl had moved my sleeping bag across the room away from everyone. Traumatized me. But then again she was probably mad that I didn't care about her dance routine that she was demonstrating earlier in the kitchen. I feel bad about that too.
Got the metro once while going to college and it was quite full so i had to stay in front of the door. When i tried to get off at my stop i grabbed my bag which i had put down between my legs but it was stuck, the door had closed on that plastic thing thats lets you adjust the length of the straps. You see i got on at the buisiest station in the center of town, its the only place where both doors open and of course for the rest of my route only the door opposite me was opening.
I tried pulling at hard as i could without making it obivous my bag was stuck but it wouldn't move, i heard the strap rip a bit so i stopped. Instead of asking for help or asking for a pair of scissors or something i just stayed there cursing in my head. I couldn't leave my bag because it has my work and my laptop in it. The metro was pretty much empty by the last stop, thankfully, and the last man to get off saw i was still standing there and asked
"Are you not getting off? Its the last stop"
"Nah i'm good"
So i ended up going to the metros garage thing, it parked beside the other trains and the lights went off. After about 5 minutes i started getting a bit worried, and of course i had not network signal, there was an emergency button but i didn't want to press it, and i doubt there was any power anyway. I was thinking about breaking the glass with the small hammer things when the lights came back on and i ended up going back to way i came. Everyone was looking at me so weird, wondering how I managed to get on before the first stop. Anyway i got my bag back and got to college about an hour and a half late.
I already had a reputation of being late, so of course no one believed me, even though i showed them my ripped bag.
Chuuno ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:45:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I did this too in 8th grade because I was late to class and they had gone to the computer lab. I didn't know that so I hid in the bathroom instead of wandering around looking for my class.
Zingshidu ยท 134 points ยท Posted at 22:01:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my high school, we only went to our homeroom on the first day of a new semester to get our schedules. We were only in there for about 45 minutes twice a year. The rest of the year, we'd just go to our first class. Maybe his was similar?
Gugmuck ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:55:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I met up with some good friends from my previous year of school, during the first day. Ended up skipping my forensics class (grade 11) to hang out. It got out of hand, and after a week or two of doing this, I didn't want to be 'that guy' and simply avoided the class that semester.
Found out later that the class was amazing and most of it involved watching CSI and visiting police stations.
Even better, we were hanging out on a bench ten feet from the door to the class. Every day, during said class. Even said hi to the teacher on her way in.
Still not sure if she knew who I was, but somehow at the end of the year I had a 50% in the class..
I did that too. I couldn't find the band room because the entrance was on the opposite side of the building that the room number was on. I was so confused that I just sat outside of the building until next period. There were other people who were equally confused and awkward. I ended up dropping the class and claiming that I didn't want to play band anymore, which really disappointed the teacher and my parents (and myself since I actually really enjoyed playing,) but I had to act like I did it on purpose because everyone else was already in class for the week and had introduced themselves and made friends.
Fuck. I had totally forgotten about that happening.
I was on a date with a girl. Wasn't a great date, or a bad one, just one of those dates where you realize that there's nothing there and you're just sharing a meal with an acquaintance.
At the end of the night we say goodbye and get into our respective cars. I try to start my car but it won't start. Battery dead. I see her start her car. I think about getting out and asking for a boost but began an analysis paralysis loop of asking for a favor from someone I had no intention of ever seeing again, but instead I wave goodbye to get a wave back and she leaves.
I'm new in this town but I know there's an auto parts store just down the street so I figure I'd pop in and get a battery (on an aside, I knew it was the battery from a few weak starts over the prior few days, I just figured it could wait until the weekend). What I didn't appreciate, being new in town, is that "just down the street" in my head was much closer than it was in reality. I spent the next 30 minutes walking to the auto parts store.
Plus 45 minutes walking back. The battery was so heavy I had to take breaks on the way back.
tldr; car needed a boost after a date, preferred lugging a 15 pound battery by hand for about a mile over asking for a jump.
Car batteries aren't fun to carry for any length of time. The plastic carrying strap starts cutting into my palm and my whole shoulder starts to ache, then switching hands just makes you feel unbalanced. And I think 15 lbs might be little light on the estimate, unless you had some weird battery.
This summer I was in a small town in Italy. I have famkly there and for dinner one day my aunt makes fries. Now me having lived in Spain I ask her if I could get some "ajoaceite"(some sauce, garlic and vegetable oil, probably some eggs). Anyway I go to the supermarket and try to explain to the cashier in english what I wanted, she shows me a jar of mayonnaise and I just awkwardly say thanks and buy that. I probably spent like 5 minutes trying to explain it to her so I wanted to get out of there but couldn't not buy something, had to be courteous and not feel like wasting her time.
Also this is the second time I write this reply, first time I deleted it cause I tought it was stupid. Now I'll just post and whatever, at least I practice my english.
That is what I was looking for. It looks like mayo but it's not the same thing. Also, not everyone uses eggs so yeah. Honestly, I should have just made it myself at home; garlic and olive oil is kinda simple.I just wasn't sure about the egg part, should I add or not, how to prepare, etc.
Sorry for doing multiple but I am a really awkward person...
Ok this one happened like last week. I am walking into the Safeway to buy groceries and I am a little blazed. This random lady in a minivan yells out to me "Hey sir excuse me do you have a bottle opener?" as she holds up a glass sprite bottle. I had one on my key chain but forgot about it, not that it mattered because I wanted to show off. So I take the bottle from her and walk over to a cement base for a lightpole in the parking lot and try to do the pop the cap off with a slick well placed firm tap of the hand. Instead I broke the bottle and got glass in my hand and blood in the soda. I walk over to her with my proverbial tail between my legs and hand it back to her shamefully (which also doesnt make any sense what the fuck is she gonna do with a bloody blood and glass filled sprite?). Luckily she was really nice and we had a laugh about it and I offered to go buy her a new one but she declined and drove away. I then proceeded to grocery shop with a bloody hand and all of my shame.
I did something similar recently. Trying to open a beer, and my friend swore they had a bottle opener "around here somewhere" but I tried to open it by hand and broke the rim of the bottle off with the lid, promptly impaling my little finger. Great scar with a very embarrassing story.
haha ..I would do it at parties and not think anything of it because people at parties share blunts and drinks all the time. I could have used my lighter to but hindsight is 20/20
yes! when i moved from brisbane to melbourne and someone said safeway, i looked at them like the were speaking another language bc i didnโt know what they meant!!
and when i moved from perth to brisbane, omg. i had no clue what aldi was and that was just an awful experience bc any time someone said something about aldi i just pretended to know what it was....
sydster89 ยท 967 points ยท Posted at 16:47:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time a food order is incorrect I just eat it. Or if I really can't eat it I will just push the food around on the plate to make it look like I did.
I also always get a box for the leftovers if the server asks because I don't want them to think I didn't like it. I never eat leftovers.
[deleted] ยท 310 points ยท Posted at 17:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pushing food around the plate so it looks like you ate it. This is a tactic that I have used many times. I will say however that I was once โcaughtโ when someone saw right through that trick and asked me if something was wrong with the dish
I have an aunt who always wants to feed me when I see her. Her food is terrible. I always have to use that trick when I see her and just eat little bits that I can tolerate so it looks like I made a dent. I hope she never catches on. Last time I saw her I was like "oh we're really craving pizza" so she would just pick one up and then the next morning I was like "oh we're going to go do breakfast with {other aunt}". Nope. She had already made breakfast casserole. It was atrocious. She saw I didn't eat much and mentioned that I must not be a breakfast person which of course I agreed with.
I'm so glad my mom was always a good cook.
As a former anorectic, I too have used this tactic many times... often in conjunction with other, slightly more bizarre tactics. I used to do weird shit like wear long sleeves and stuff food in them so nobody knew I hadn't eaten it. Walking to the bathroom with sleeves full of pasta is... not the best feeling in the world.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang thatโs some next level shit, hope youโre doing better
kipumab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:29:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I donโt remember, I think I just said โI didnโt like itโ lmao
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I did this food trick a lot when I was young, but I was also caught. I would try to hide some of the food (i.e trying to hide rice under beef) but it was so easy to see...
Needless to say, I was caught lot of times doing this by several family members. I was young though.
pardike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God someone calling me out for that would be a nightmare.
If Iโd read this last week, I would have probably laughed at you. However, this weekend I ended up at some pretentious over priced Italian place for lunch.
My only defence is that the menu was confusing, it probably isnโt.
However I thought I was ordering a nut and herb crumble. The plate turns up and it is a nut and herb crumble but with avocado on fancy Italian toast, with the nut herb thing sporadically thrown on top. I even had the guts to complain to the waiter that it wasnโt what I ordered, but he pointed out to the idiot (me) that it was what I ordered, just canโt read their menu
I hate avocado.
I spent a good 20minutes pushing that crushed avocado around the plate hoping it went away. Probably would have stuffed some in my pockets if they were big enough.
Are you my wife? She does this literally every time there's something wrong with a meal. She did it when she found two shards of glass in her pasta. She did it when she was given a chicken breast that was still raw inside. She even refused to say anything when they forgot to bring any part of her meal other than the one egg she added on. It's super uncomfortable for me because I have to sit there trying to enjoy my meal while she's just hoping she didn't swallow broken glass.
I don't believe I am your wife. I will say that one time a ordered a milkshake and the part of the machine that goes down into the cup to mix it up (I guess? Is there a word for that?) literally shattered into my cup and they brought it to me with the whole thing sticking out. I very very politely spooned out a large piece of it and just kind of looked at the server going "uhhhmm." He felt awful, I got a new shake. No big deal. But anything less than that and I won't say a damn word. I probably would have said something about the glass in the pasta. Have you asked if your wife wants you to be the one to say something? If she's anything like me she'd absolutely forbid you to, so I'm assuming that's why you didn't say anything either. Just curious if she is that way too I guess! Will she let you say something if something is wrong with your food?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:04:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The leftover box is a great idea. Like seriously, goddamn that's some next level shit.
Only every single time, my friend. Every. Single. Time.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:43:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once got a fish sandwich instead of a burger at McDonalds and instead of going back I just went a different McDonalds and bought another burger. Good thing they are as prevalent as Starbucks
That made me laugh! I've done very similar things. One time I forgot my wallet at home, went to Wendy's and instead of going back to that one once I'd retrieved my wallet, I went to the one across town.
I was staying at this family owned hotel in Spain a couple months ago. For dinner, they didn't let you choose what you wanted, but instead just told you what they will bring you and then brought it. It was really really good, and because it wasn't my own choice, I ate a lot of awesome new stuff that I would've never ordered myself.
But one evening, the waiter brought us some sort of mushroom - squid - soup thingy, and it looks pretty awful. I'm already thinking "oh well, that doesn't look like something I'll eat". Well, and then this guy starts to tell me how this is a recipe from his grandmother and that they've passed it on through the generations.
So once he left, the only thing im thinking is "please don't be horrible, please don't be horrible, please don't be horrible". Well, guess what: It tasted like someone got a lot of shoe soles, cut up a squid and then cooked it for 3 hours straight.
So there I am, desperately trying to think of a way to not let him notice that I didn't eat more than one bite of the thing that was clearly a very special dish to him. I tried to push it around like you described, but rearranging a soup that I've eaten maybe 5% of won't really make it seem less un-eaten. I ended up somehow trying to actively hide the top of the bowl from him when he came back. Didn't work.
One time I met up with an ex boyfriend and we got bubble tea which I hadn't had before. I got honey flavor and didn't like it so I only drank half. The little lady who owned the shop kept coming up and asking of something was wrong with it and offering to replace it. I kept refusing because it's not her fault I chose something I didn't like. It made an already awkward meeting with an ex so much more awkward.
I have a friend who apologizes profusely to the server if he doesn't finish his whole meal. He insists that he really liked and offers some excuse why he couldn't finish.
I'm not a picky eater and I haven't had something so bad that I will not eat it (yet). I won't tell them even if I payed for something more. Like I'll get a Large meal from fast food and they give me someone else's order with like no lettuce or tomato and I'm like well shit, whoever ordered this is gonna be pissed as I proceed to eat it. It balances itself out, sometimes they give me more food or I find out I like the mysterious food I got that I didn't order. Never happens at sit-down restaurants... But I'm always served first and the waiter/waitress always smiles at me. No one ever asks "so who had the Basic Bitch Burger with the Lightbulb Cooked Fries?" Unless it's the busboy/gal who was just told to help out.
king44 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:01:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an awkward introvert so I sympathize with the sentiment. However, in my time serving I've found people who don't tell me I brought them the wrong thing to be incredibly frustrating. I know people just try to be nice, or are awkward about the interaction, but not telling a server results in eating someone else's meal, and if that someone else says "Hey, this isn't what I ordered." when we bring them your food, we have to then go admit our mistake to the kitchen and get them to remake the food that you didn't eat. This is a terrible and awkward experience I have been through before. Please tell your server if they bring you the wrong food. You'll be doing your server a favor.
I had to read through all the replies to make sure this wasn't here, but... Just say something. I've been a waiter/server before and it's no big deal to get the meal corrected. Stuff gets messed up all the time, the staff won't take it personally.
I do this at the drive thru all the time. I always ask for my drink with no ice. I can always tell as soon as they hand it to me if they put ice in it, but I never say anything
PRMan99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We usually ask for leftover boxes but we end up eating it about 90% of the time.
I went to a restaurant and ordered a main dish and a side. They forgot the side. Instead of telling them, I went to a different restaurant and got a different side that didn't even go well with my main dish.
I went to some small bagel shop in a city I was visiting. Ordered something, and the cashier asked if I wanted anything else. I said no, and she rung me up. Afterwards, I realized I wasn't getting a drink. (Maybe it's me, but most places will specifically ask if you want a drink.) So I ate my meal with no drink.
delmar42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple of weeks ago, I had a burger where the cheese wasn't melted. The slice of cheese was cold and just sort of sitting on the meat. The server offered to have it fixed, and I agreed. It came back with the cheese melted, and tasted just fine. I spent most of the rest of the evening at home trying not to vomit because of how my stomach felt. I don't know if I pissed off the cook and he/she did something to my food or not. Seriously, who puts a cold slice of cheese on a burger and serves it that way?
If I see my neighbors outside when I get home, I just sit in my car until they're gone.
bizitmap ยท 336 points ยท Posted at 19:25:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too, a neighbor noticed me waiting in the car repeatedly and asked "are you mad at me? :("
She was legit so sad, she's apparently even more socially awkward than I and has self-esteem problems so she assumed she did something wrong (to me, the guy she's never even spoken with before this) and was beating herself up over it.
[deleted] ยท 293 points ยท Posted at 20:08:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it crazy that other people can feel the same things we feel?
That's so sad. I hope you talked to her more after that lol
copacet ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:40:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just be like "Oh, no, I like listening to NPR on the way home and sometimes the story is interesting enough that I wait for it to finish."
bizitmap ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:41:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's basically the story I gave, swapped for "I was finishing a thought and wanted to type out an email" since I was clearly on my phone the entire time
I mean I was on reddit but I'm grown looking enough that ~arguably~ I could have a business phone
Damn, thats sad but Im glad she confronted the situation. Its crazy that we always think we are being awkward, when the other person usually thinks the same thing about themselves
I will even put my phone up to my ear and mimic talking so they won't feel bad. They're smokers so they're always outside, i just don't wanna talk!
oCh4v3zo ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 20:17:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my neighbor? Cus you look weird doing it cus I can clearly see you and just wonder why you're sitting in your car so I stay out to see if you get out. Also you wash your car at midnight which is also weird.
I almost always pretend to be on the phone when walking into my building to avoid making small talk with my neighbors. Also if I hear them in the hall Iโll wait til itโs quiet to dart out the door. Sometimes my plan backfires because theyโre quietly sorting mail in the hall and I come barreling out of my apartment, startling them in the process.
Iโm so relieved that Iโm not the only one that is deathly afraid of communicating with my neighbors lol. I feel like such a twat because when eventually I actually have to speak to them, they finish the conversation with like a really patronizing โit was nice to see you againโ like Iโve been on a 4 year sabbatical and just returned...
I love being outside and I hate small talk. Suburbs are the absolute worst. Like, I will only live in an urban area where you can't possibly know all your neighbors, or move back to a rural area where you can't even see your neighbors. Fuck that noise.
I do the exact same thing. And I know the dude on a semi-personal level. There've been too many times where I've pulled into my spot, gathered my purse, computer bag, lunch bag, and cell phone, only to have him pull into the garage right behind me. So naturally, I pretend to be on my phone while three different bags and sometimes groceries are strapped to me in the driver's seat. Yup - SO natural.
Normally Iโm the awkward one, but my new duplex neighbor and I made eye contact when I got home so she looked in her bag, made a confused expression, and walked right back into her house as she was very obviously trying to leave. If weโre being perfectly honest, I was glad I didnโt have to meet her for real.
I do this too but that's because my neighbors are hella weird. I have the lady next door who worked with me for about a month likes to walk her dog in a stroller and make small talk about people at work. Then there is the chubby man lady who likes to engage in small talk and overshare. And then the foreign lady across the way who makes her whole family park in the street so she can sit in her garage on the couch and scream obscenities at people on the phone.
Not all the time, but I somewhat do this too, but only because I first did the opposite. My first few days in high school, I realized I was going to the wrong hallway for my classroom and made a quick 180. A few girls, now behind me, laughed and talked to each other about me as if I was repelled by their presence. Being a freshman in High school, I personally felt embarrassed. Since then, I am more likely to try to look natural and pause for a bit, before I turn a 180 in a similar situation.
I have stood with my junk out in front a urinal for long periods of time until everyone else has left the bathroom. Then I can release a biblical flood of pent up liquid before anyone can come in.1
[deleted] ยท 524 points ยท Posted at 19:49:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that with people standing behind me, but I pretended like I was done and left the bathroom. It sucks but that's anxiety for you.
Several times, the bathroom has been really packed. Waiting for a stall to open up, but urinals keep opening and people waiting behind me get antsy, so I just fake using a urinal and walk out with regret.
zuccah ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 23:20:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually called Paruresis. There's several ways to deal with it, focusing on other things is one method (the multiplication table that someone mentioned), another method is to hold your breath (the carbon dioxide builds up in your muscles and forcibly makes you relax and urinate). Other ways of dealing with it are forms of therapy.
I mean, it's not a crippling issue, and it's actually getting better on its own as I start to care less about what people think. Pretty sure I'll be fine. Thanks, though.
Aye the shy-pisser disease. I find the easiest way is just to find something on the wall to stare at and count (in your own head), works a charm for me after the count of three or so.
mdds2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:21:35 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a word if you are only shy about it when you have to leave a urine sample? Pre-employment drug tests are the worst for me. It doesn't matter how much water I drink beforehand, how relaxed I try to be and there is no sink in the room to run water which helps me a little bit in doctors offices. It is super embarrassing for the nurse to come check on you and you have to explain that you are ok, and yes you do need to pee, but just can't seem to bring yourself to pee in the damn cup.
I too have done this. I read in a LPT that if you do multiplication tables while you stand there with your junk out, you will be able to pee. Now I don't have performance anxiety at the urinal. Do multiplications that are difficult for you to really work that part of your brain. The harder the math the easier the flow. I really hope that this works for you.
Be careful. If you're absent minded let alone have ADHD you may end up not letting go of the thought and wind up standing there with your dick out long after your done peeing.
Omg Iโm not the only one that does this LMAO it frustrates me to no end. I just stand there thinking cmon man you can do it! But nothing ever happens so I just pretend I went and wash my hands and hate myself LOL
zuccah ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:20:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually called Paruresis. There's several ways to deal with it, focusing on other things is one method (the multiplication table that someone mentioned), another method is to hold your breath (the carbon dioxide builds up in your muscles and forcibly makes you relax and urinate). Other ways of dealing with it are forms of therapy.
Tonikupe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:54:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always feel horrible still cus i imagine they didnt hear a piss stream and know exactly thw shameful thing I just did
I read in a LPT that if you do multiplication tables while you stand there with your junk out, you will be able to pee. Now I don't have performance anxiety at the urinal. Do multiplications that are difficult for you to really work that part of your brain. The harder the math the easier the flow. I really hope that this works for you.
I had this issue for four years and it stopped about two years ago.....I have no idea why.
D3aek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happens to me every time i try to use a urinal. Super annoying because I don't even have anxiety really, but I can't de-clench to pee when people are around.
imforit ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 18:53:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a form of stage fright, a lot of people have it.
pflashan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:50:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Many of the other replies here I've thought, "whew, glad that's not me." Then I found yours. This is a total psychological hangup for me. If the bathroom is packed, and there isn't a stall open, I'm in trouble.
They did a very unethical but cool experiment on social awkwardness when peeing in the 70s(?) Basically some guy with a notepad, stopwatch and recorder hid in the stall and recorded how long it took men to pee. Another confederate would stand either 3,2 or 1 urinals away. Men take longer to pee when you stand closer, because of anxiety.
I think it was at a university and all I can imagine is two college students deciding this would be a great idea, and the guy int the stall trying really hard not to laugh as he records this strangers piss hitting the urinal.
I too have done this. I read in a LPT that if you do multiplication tables while you stand there with your junk out, you will be able to pee. Now I don't have performance anxiety at the urinal. Do multiplications that are difficult for you to really work that part of your brain. The harder the math the easier the flow. I really hope that this works for you.
Next time this happens, do mental math while you're standing there. 7+3, 8 x 4. Stuff like that, will start getting your brain off the fact you have to pee with people waiting and you'll hit the ground running, just keep doing math.
I envy people who can urinate in the presence of others. For me, it's either a case of payment in installments or delayed payment
zuccah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually called Paruresis. There's several ways to deal with it, focusing on other things is one method (the multiplication table that someone mentioned), another method is to hold your breath (the carbon dioxide builds up in your muscles and forcibly makes you relax and urinate). Other ways of dealing with it are forms of therapy.
Army drug tests were miserable for me. Usually lasted until the night(started at 5-6 am) with me unable to pee until I was in a ton of pain from an over filled bladder. I always felt so bad because I basically wasted someone else's entire day.
Chokmahh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I'm going pee at a urinal and a teacher comes in I freeze. I can not piss. I stand there awkwardly trying to push my pee out until the teacher leaves
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have this problem, then I joined the Navy after high school. Within an hour of arriving at boot camp everyone has to do a urinalysis. This isn't like one a civilian would have to do in private stall, someone has to observe the urine leaving your body and entering the cup to ensure it hasn't been tampered with. To do this they line up about fifty dudes a few feet back from the urinals then they station guys at either end of the line who squat down and have to watch everyone pee in the cup. After a few times of some guy staring at my junk while I was trying pee I was cured.
I actually tried this method with my partner! I had her come into the bathroom while I pee, I think it's helping a bit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sometimes notice the dude next to me is having trouble, so to make him feel better I'll finish and place a hand on his shoulder and tell him to take his time, we are all rooting for him, and him and his little buddy just need to relax.
I've developed a habit where I don't like peeing in public restrooms if there is someone there. I either have to be in a stall or I'm using a urinal, there can't be anyone there. There's been so many times where I have to pee really bad but my dumb ass decides to wait.
I used to do this... Took baby steps to make it obvious I was peeing by trying to have a loud stream. Learned that urinals and toilets were made to lessen the sound and reduce splashback and that by trying to sound like I was a tough pee-er? I practically pissed all over my shoes/pants, sometimes shirt depending on the height of the urinal and the angle I sprayed at. Now I'm at the point where I just try to make the guy next to me as uncomfortable as possible. It's fun. Sometimes all it takes is clearing your throat or grunting to scare them and make em stop peeing or jump. 10/10 try it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have also started standing back farther from them, use to go really close and get piss raining down on my shoes. But yeah, feels great to have a really strong stream going when another guy is in the urinal next to you, it's like a sense of dominance to hear their trickle.
This is why I always go to the stalls. It takes too much time and makes me look like a perv, standing there not actually peeing. In the stalls noone can see me and my anxiety can't kick in
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:52:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't here a plop from a guy in a stall I'll call him out when he leaves. I also will check under it to make sure he is sitting.
Dude, same. I went to Vegas this summer, and they told me I could get free breakfast if I went over to this other hotel. So I went. The guy that was guiding me through the facility was really cool and very attractive. I now own a timeshare. Fuck me.
Everybody from this thread is ripe pickin's for them, they just got to you first.
I'm so, so sorry.
DerekB52 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:44:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This ended up being like 10 minutes of scrolling down for me. It's the last comment I'm reading on this thread. And it was so worth it. I laughed so hard.
Guses ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:54:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad you liked it.
Can I interest you in accepting my timeshare, free of charge?
DerekB52 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:17:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a little bit of social anxiety(after reading this thread I have less than I thought), but I have enough confidence to say no. Go sell it to Mac or Dennis.
auben2k2 ยท 509 points ยท Posted at 20:09:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around the time I first got my license, I locked my keys in the car and called Pick-a-lock. I googled their number and chose the first link. Not realizing it was an advertisement for a different company I had called and placed a service call to get a technician to come out and unlock my car for me. About 20 minutes later an Indian man rolls up in a beat up van and spots my car, a 95 3000gt sl. He comes up, starts talking to me. I can barely understand him, he has a very thick accent. I hear him say $120 to unlcok my car and I immediately denied, because the company I meant to call was going to charge $50. I asked him exactly what he was gonna do to unlock my car and he demonstrates by unlocking my car without asking. He then proceeds to attempt to charge me and I am too awkward/young to deny. I told him I only had my debit card, which was true and on this other company's website it stated they accepted all kinds of credit cards. He said "No, only cash." He then suggested he follows me to the closest ATM so I could get cash out. I said "Sure, follow me." I got into my car slowly pulled out of the parking lot i was in. He was following me, I then proceeded to immediately and unexpectedly change lanes and take off and proceeding to get onto the highway. At this point I was trying to lose him, I am not sure what went through my mind to do this, but I did. I'm flying down the interstate now at about 80mph in a 55. I see him back there in my rear view mirror keeping a visual on me. I take the first exit I could, then get back onto the interstate trying to lose him. I came to a round about and drove through it about 3 times, he kept following me. Eventually I proceeded to get back onto the highway and he sped up, at this point we were both going around 90mph. He was getting aggressive now. He was all over the road trying to get me to stop, pulling in front of me, slamming on his breaks. Cutting other people off. It then hit me that this was seriously stupid and dangerous to everyone around us. I pulled off to the shoulder and stopped my car, he did the same but he was stopped on the interstate. Another vehicle pulled over and stopped and proceeded to yell at the Indian man "You almost killed my son and I." The Indian man, got out of his car with an empty glass beer bottle about to use it as a weapon, proceeds to hit my car with it. I'm backing away from the dude and my car. Everyone is yelling the Indian dude then reaches into my car, grabbing my phone and running to his car. He starts to take off I then run up and punch him in the face from outside his car, his windows were down. I reach for my phone but he speeds off and I fall to the ground almost getting hit by him. The other bystanders ask me if I'm okay and what the hell was going. I say he tried to steal my car earlier and that he just took off with my phone. The end. Real story. Stupidest and most reckless thing I have ever done. Ashamed til this day.
Dude I swear that has to be the craziest shit ever.
I mean after you chose to jet from the guy, I thought "ha ha that's hilarious, the guy's gonna go home and find the locksmith waiting at his house!"
I mean wtf was with the guy turning it into some fast and furious shit? He had your address and details... why turn it into some action movie shit?
So point is don't feel bad or ashamed. You just made a real dumb move in an intimidating situation. You even told the guy you didn't want the service and he did it anyway and demanded the cash.
Anyway really hope you can just reframe it as what it is: hilarious fucking story and luckily didn't wind up getting you killed.
Crazy shit man, it happens.
auben2k2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:06:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great response, but he didn't have my address or anything. I wasn't home when I placed the service call. I was out getting coffee or something and locked my keys in the car in the process. But yeah, I've definitely learned from it and it is a hilarious story lol
staplesz ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 23:02:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
auben2k2 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:35:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part 2: Getting my phone back.
This is when this story gets real stupid. So immediately after this whole ordeal happened I was only about 5 minutes from my dad's house. I drove over there went inside and told him my phone was stolen. I told him that what happened was that I locked my keys in my car and a fraud company showed up and I refused to pay so the dude stole my phone. My dad flipped shit, tried to get the cops involved and I just said no to the cops. So my dad said we will call the company again and see if we could get the same dude to come out, but this time to my dads house. My dad pulled out his guns, just two 9mm pistols, like he was ready to shoot this guy. I thought that was overreacting. But anyways, my dad also got my brother involved. My brother was waiting in his car up the street waiting for this dude to pull into our driveway and he was going to pull in behind him to block his exit. So we are all posted waiting for this dude to show up. After about 30 minutes of waiting, I come out and explain to my dad the real story. He gives me the whole father line, "you know you dont have to lie to me, you can tell me anything and i'll help you get through whatever."So at this point my dad understands that I first tried to steal from him, but he ended up stealing from me. Eventually someone does show up, it's a different guy though. This time two indian dudes in a white work van. My dad goes out after confirming with me that it isn't the same man. He speaks with the two guys, they seem understanding and they said that they will get my phone back and the other dude will be fired. A few hours later they show back up at my dads house with my phone. They agreed to give the phone back if we paid the $85 fee for getting my car unlocked earlier that day, so we did. In the end the initial indian man trying to unlock my car was, in ways, trying to scam me. Trying to charge me $120, rather than the $85 fee the company has posted(words of the other indian dudes). He also tried to say they didn't accept credit cards. The other indian dudes both said that they do accept credit cards and that the tech that unlocked my car was trying to pocket my money....
So thats the whole story, the second part(getting my phone back) is a bit summed up. Hope you enjoyed the story of the most stupid action of my life. LOL Need teach kids how to react under pressure.
I recently saw a video that pointed out how easy it is to manipulate google to get your ad at the top, pushing out real ads, stuff like that. The guy used it to put a fake phone number for the Secret Service, so he got all their calls instead.
Anyway, one of the specific examples he gets, was someone putting up an ad for a locksmiths, saying they'd unlock your car for like $20. Then turning up, doing it, and using intimidation to make sure you pay them the $300 they were asking for or similar, even going as far as taking you to an ATM to make sure they get the money.
Was weird that I saw that video like 2 days ago, then read this today
Haha I was about to comment about that match-up, I have been chased in my car twice now. I drive a 1991 Firebird.. it's 3500lbs and only has 145~ HP. The first car was a van and the other was a newish golf GTI (much faster and more agile than my car) both times I got away in just a few moves... An easy good way to do it is to speed up for a bit and wait for them to get beside you, keep them beside you! Wait until you have a side street and SLAM on the breaks and dip down the side street. You will be going too fast for them to follow if you did it right then it's just a matter of hiding.
auben2k2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:23 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, know that now lol I cracked under pressure and had no idea what to do.
Haha my Chevy sonic with 138hp and front wheel drive(manual though) was usually faster than my friend's G37 in that they won't push it. In a straight line they'd take me in the rare occurrence they'd actually get on the gas but when there are any corners I'd be yelling at them over the phone to speed it up, and in many cases straight overtake them.
With the use of my ebrake I was able to closely match my friend's Mustang following him sliding around corners.
In the end though I took it to the limit and paid for it. It being an economy hatchback that never wanted to slip it's tail end without heavy braking or the ebrake I took everything faster and faster and ironically, I knew my limits on the obviously sharp turns, didn't have a problem with them. What got me was a long gentler curve.
I put no thought into it, I took far sharper turns before and had gassed it on slight curves, so this was nothing new. I didnt even consider it being wet. I dropped into third and gave it decent throttle, I'm going around the curve, I'm going around the curve, and there it is, the understeer, I'm going straight off the curve towards pitch blackness, which looking at in the daytime, was a drop and many trees.
I slammed on the brakes causing me to fishtail, I exit the corner still flying, I'm facing a fence, countersteer to the left and before I can bring it back to the right I'm on grass, I must have jumped a ditch because there were deep ones separating the lawns from the road. No sooner do I see a mailbox in front of me my airbags have gone off and the passenger side windows are smashed. I coasted through around three large lawns to a stop. Looking at my marks in the grass I've missed an electrical pole by around 10 feet to the left and came to rest maybe 20 feet from a large bolder. The cop looked at the stump of the mailbox i hit and said "i think the rest of it disintegrated."
That happened on Tuesday, my car is totaled. I'm 16, whenever I might get another car the insurance is going to be through the roof.
I just typed like a whole book haha, sorry. I was kinda getting this out and thought it would be something interesting to share.
MrRieper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:32 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa that was a rollercoaster, I'm glad your okay.
I'm the total opposite, I know the fastest I can take curves in my car but I still have no clue how tight I can corner it, a few times in the rain I've tried some power slides and I know I'm not good enough yet, my back end is so light I just do a total 180. I don't have the money for keeping up the car if I drive it hard so I'll just have to wait.
reddski ยท 492 points ยท Posted at 19:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was eating an apple in the window seat on a flight to San Diego and I didn't want to bother the guys sitting next to me when I reached over to throw the core away so I ate the entire thing, seeds and all. :)
A former coworker used to do that on purpose because she liked it.
She ate her apple from the top down after removing the stem because "If you eat it this way the core disappears". We had trash bins at every cubicle and I saw her do it a few times before she left the company.
A guy I work with did that once, mostly to freak out some of our other coworkers. After that, I convinced him to eat a kiwi like an apple, skin and all, to further freak them out.
I actually know someone who would eat kiwi with a skin... at that time I always peeled skins off of kiwi.. and thought I was weird for peeling the skin
I used to do this, but I decided a while ago that it's just not worth the embarrassment of going the long way. Just say "excuse me." Or play it off like you're photobombing or something.
NikteSa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it because i feel stared at, and see it positively as a workout
Was watching my friends band at a bar in mpls. He gave me a shout out and told me to give him a count into the start of the next song. Everyone in the bar is now staring at me so I froze... Instead of yelling 1,2 1,2,3 I gave them a 3,2,1 finger count with my hand raised in the air while completely silent. The looks on my buddy's faces was of pure confusion and disappointment. Social anxiety at its finest!
AageCrow ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 23:10:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Always getting the wrong food...
So, I have a pretty acute fear of people. Like, severely. To the point that I can't confront anyone I don't know well, and by confront I really mean correct when they miss hear me... As a result, when ever I order food in person, if someone miss hears me I just let them order whatever they thought it was they heard.
I worked I a mall for two years straight, nightmare fuel but money was needed. So on my breaks I would go to this subshop that was in the court. It was new to the mall when I first started going there which meant not many people were going there. Perfect. I go there, get up to the counter and try to order a Philly cheesestake. The very polite lady at the register asked, "Chicken Philly?" And my weird comply-or-die complex kicked in and I immediately just said, "yep!" Despite my brain screaming, "No! Not the chicken!" She then asked what I wanted on it but I was still battling the fact that I just signed my sandwiches death warrant and all I could squeak out was, "mushroom." Literally no other toppings. She asked if that was all, my brain screamed more, and I agreed the order was placed.
For all of those two years, I kept eating that same sandwich I never wanted because I never got the courage to correct her every time I made an order. And after the first several months, all of the employees there got to recognizing me to the point that, if they saw me in line they'd auto put my order in and have it ready for me immediately so I could leave as quick as possible, because these sweet people realized I was stupid uncomfortable in crowds and they got popular real quick. They'd always say something like, "hang in there!" And I would just graciously nod and make my way to a secluded spot to eat my daily disappointment sandwich. I guess I can't complain much, it was really good and sometimes they'd add something a little different like cheese fries cause I was a loyal regular.
But then I stopped working there and they didn't see me for three years, when I got laid off from that job I ended up going back to work at the mall. My first time back in three years, that first cashier is still there. She recognized me immediately - immediately recognized me and as she put in my order she shouted back to the cook and manager, "she's back." And now the cycle continues...again... My husband gets a kick out of it every time we go together. He can't help but burst into laughter knowing full well that they'll ask him what he wants but will just go ahead and auto order my chicken Philly with mushroom...
bbtvvz ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 22:27:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, just today my roommate asked me to make her dinner because she wouldn't be home until after eight. So I said sure, I'll make enough for the two of us. I postponed my dinner so we could eat together. When she got home we chatted for a bit while I was hanging my laundry, then she took some food into her room. Totally understandable after a stressful day. So I went to get my food from the pan after I was done with the laundry, and she had taken the entire meal I had prepared.
Naturally, I was too awkward to go ask her to relinquish my share and I just quietly went to bed hungry. Cause that's just the most reasonable solution.
Now your roommate is figuring out how to throw away a bunch of food from her bedroom because she doesn't want to seem rude and not eat all the meal you prepared for her.
mrstry ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 01:28:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just had a baby last October. When you're six weeks postpartum, you go see your OB for a check-up to make sure everything is healing ok and etc. On the day of the appointment, I leave the baby home with my husband and go to the doctor.
The nurse comes in and does the normal blood pressure check, etc. She casually mentions that they have a student working with the doctor today, and would I mind if the student helps during my exam? I allow the student because I'm a huge fan of helping people learn.
So the student walks in. To my chagrin, it's one of the "cool girls" from middle school, let's call her Mary. We had been pretty good friends, both of us went through some tough shit with self-harm, teenage angst/depression, etc before I was suddenly and bitterly ousted from the "cool" group by mid-seventh grade.
After entering the room, Mary says hello, and by the look in her eyes, she totally recognizes me but pretends not to. Of course I'm socially awkward and just pretend that I don't know who she is either.
She asks some awkward questions about my bleeding, my netherbits, etc. I answer candidly and too loudly. She leaves. I heave a sigh of relief.
5 minutes later, my doc walks in with Mary again. FUCK. My doc asks me some questions, which I, again, answer too loudly. Doc looks at Mary and says, "you can do the check".
Before I know it, and because I'm too awkward to say anything, my middle school frenemy Mary has three fingers up my childbirth-destroyed vagina. She had mercy on both of us and made it quick. I wanted to die. She wanted to die.
We finished up the appointment and before she walked out of the room, she said quietly "nice seeing you" or something just as cringeworthy.
I had something similar happen, except it turns out the person in charge of putting iuds in was my neighbor. Continued to live near then for the next 2 years, knowing he'd seen way more of my internal workings than pretty much anyone.
God damn. I did that too, but realized only too late that since my doctor and the student were both male, the nurse had to come in for safety I guess so there were three people just standing their looking at my cooch.
I was getting in an elevator. There was someone else in it as well. It was quite a small elevator. Carpeted floor... I was chewing gum. Tried to blow a bubble. Instead, I just spit my gum onto the floor. So instead of doing something, ANYTHING, normal, I bent down, picked it up, and just shoved it straight into my pocket. Just right in there.
MrRieper ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:00:34 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly thought you were going to say you put it back in your mouth.
that would have been GROSSER for the man in the elevator with me, but at least wouldn't have led me to a pocket full of gum...
ihctuhcz ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 22:35:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm a 24 year old young professional. Once I was buying groceries and swiped my credit card in one of those machines where you have to insert the chip instead. I swiped the card a couple times before the cashier pointed out I needed to insert the card instead of swipe. Silly me... But to lighten the mood, I said in a extremely sarcastic voice to the cashier โSorry, itโs the first time Iโve ever bought groceries.โ The look and shock that came over her face was priceless. She then looked at me and said โDonโt worry!! It gets easier I promise!!โ And then proceeds to explain to me about how to properly grocery shop and check out over the next 5-10 min with other customers in line behind me who now also perceived me as some half wit who had never grocery shopped before in his 24 years of life. I just didnโt have the heart to tell her that I wasnโt being serious, as it seemed like she really thought she was making an impact on me by explaining all this.
OakTea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:57:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to move to Canada solely for that reason, lol.
Some stores I goto take 10 or more seconds, the same ones I use to swipe and have it printing a receipt before my card was back in my wallet.
falco_iii ยท 278 points ยท Posted at 22:12:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tl;dr I sat with my finger on a PC power button because I was an awkward idiot.
I was an IT intern and was learning from my boss. He said "We are going to hard reboot..."
and I immediately pushed in the power button on his desktop
"... this other system"
I froze, realizing that his PC would only shutdown when the button was released and my finger was the only thing stopping it. Boss was remote connecting to another computer to reboot it and he did not notice my finger was on the button of his PC. Not wanting to shutdown my boss' computer for no reason in front of him, I sat there, learning stuff from him for what felt like an eternity, all the while with my finger on the button. I kept asking questions, getting him to show me stuff I already knew, stuff i would never use, anything... Over an hour later, he mentioned he needed to get to work on ProjectX, and I should get to my desk and start doing the things he showed me. My frantic brain came up with the great story
"Hey forgot to mention the ProjectX Manager wants you to swing by the conference room, there are questions the team had, not sure if the meeting is still going on."
He got up and walked to the conference room. When he came back, I was dutifully working at my own desk and his PC was mysteriously rebooting.
I feel like the obvious solution, like going home, just never occurs to someone in these situations. I love your story about seniors pranking freshmen, it sounds plausible!
This is not the dumbest โฆ just awkward. This one time I was walking home alone, drunk around 3am down a long secluded road. A car drove by and instead of being normal and walking on the sidewalk I was paranoid and ducked into the ditch and hid behind some shrubs (not well hidden at all). After the car drove by I see a guy walking past me and noticing me trying to hide. He asked what I was doing. It turned out to be a guy I had just met a few weeks prior.
Something similar happened to me. I was walking drunk as fuck away from a party up a dirt road to the regular road where we were getting picked up. I saw people walking towards the party and for some reason I fuckin panicked and jumped into the bushes and put my head down and hid until long after they passed by.
I was around 6 years old, and playing at a friend's house. Had to use the bathroom, turned out to be a #2 - no toilet paper. Sensible thing would be to call and ask for a roll in, right? Nope. I walked my shit-smeared ass home, wiped, and came back 10 minutes later.
On one of my first days of college I walked a different way to avoid walking in the same direction of my lab partners / classmates I just met after saying goodbye to them, and got lost.
This reminds me of an old Kevin James standup joke where he talks about pretending the hotel basement is where you intended to go so you don't have to admit to the other elevator passengers that you walked off at the wrong floor. Even though they know.
I just started working as an IT Manager and my entire team is made up of Indian's working here on Green Cards with very thick accents. I was approached in my cube by a new team member who asked me a question. Twice I asked him to repeat himself and at this point I panicked not understanding him the second time. Instead of asking again I acted like something alarming had occurred in an email that required my immediate attention. I told him I was simply too busy right now and to email me with his question and I'd get to it. Minutes later I get an email that says "how was your lunch?"
My school ID broke about 8 months ago in college because it snapped in half so I couldnโt open any doors or go anywhere but I didnโt know where there security office was to get a replacement so I just followed people through doors and hoped for the best for 8 months straight. Friend finally made me replace it today after being tired of me stealing his ID and holding my hand all the way to the office because Iโm a Neanderthal.
valkea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:20:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww I'm glad your friend helped! I totally get it, you're not a Neanderthal
In college one year, I lived in a house with 3 other people. My boyfriend borrowed my car one night to haul some stuff and I stayed home. I was home alone, relaxing in my room with the lights off, but I had the door open.
One of my roommates arrived home and as there were no other cars at the house, assumed he was home alone. He hopped in the shower, came out, and walked into the kitchen with just his towel on and another towel on his head with his hair wrapped in it. My room was right by the kitchen, so I saw him go past. He then proceeded to blast โI Wanna Dance With Somebodyโ and sing at the top of his lungs.
Instead of letting him know I was there and heard the whole thing, I waited for him to finish, grabbed my keys, quietly climbed out my window, and went around the front of the house so as to look like I was just arriving home.
:( This is literally what I'm terrified of- accidentally hitting someone/thing with my car. At least the mom realized it wasn't your fault and didn't get angry. I also get really awkward when I'm embarrassed and it has caused me to smile/laugh when I definitely shouldn't so I understand that response.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:43:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me a lot of a quote from a book.
There happened to him at that instant what does happen to people when they are unexpectedly caught in something very disgraceful. He did not succeed in adapting his face to the position in which he was placed towards his wife by the discovery of his fault. Instead of being hurt, denying, defending himself, begging forgiveness, instead of remaining indifferent even--anything would have been better than what he did do--his face utterly involuntarily (reflex spinal action, reflected Stepan Arkadyevitch, who was fond of physiology)--utterly involuntarily assumed its habitual, good-humored, and therefore idiotic smile.
That really put it into context. Hell come to think of it when he mentioned the dog licking the blood off the rim I think I kinda half laughed before thinking shit I hope his dog's not going to suddenly die too...
I see what you mean. Especially in he context of the thread...whole thing just seemed absurd. And the smiling while explaining...shit I can't believe I'm laughing at it now...(sorry OP)
[deleted] ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Relax007 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:37:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you. I once spent 4 and a half hours at a major chain waiting for an oil change because they forgot me and I was too embarrassed to ask what was taking so long.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:30 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I make up random song names and find obscure genre's just so people don't know what music I listen to. all the songs on my phone have been renamed to something else (rolling girl is now falling grill)
Firstly nice catch, secondly it's not something I want people to know about although all the songs are mostly covers (think this one was by judy) so they're mostly English, it's irrational but I just get easily embarased
Late to the thread. Posted this before too, but anyway.
A few years ago me and my wife moved in to her parents place to save some money, so we were adjusting to living with parents again, it was strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up one morning and it felt like the world was about to fall out of my butthole, I went to open the bedroom door and could hear my father in law getting ready to head out for work. I'm panicking thinking fuck, I know this is gonna be bad, I'm not gonna go take this mega dump so early on into our time living here, I need to devise a plan.
I stayed in the bedroom, emptied out the little bin we had in the corner, and shit into the bag that was placed in there, I wipe my butt with some tissues that happened to be on the side, stand up and tie a knot in the bag.
Now I'm getting ready for work with this bag of shit by my feet, my next stage is to get rid of this thing, I can't do it in any of the bins here, think fuck it I'll take it out and find the nearest one I can see, I even question putting this bag of shit in a neighbours place if nobody sees.
I walked 15 minutes to work with a bag of my own crap in my hoody pocket until I could find a public bin to throw it in.
At age 12, I had already been vegetarian for 2 years. I went to a classmateโs house to work on a science project and stayed over for dinner, which was steak and homemade coleslaw. My friendโs dad laughed, saying his wife only went all out with steak when someone was over. Instead of just saying I was vegetarian, I ate a bunch of steak, felt too awkward to say no when asked if I wanted seconds, and proceeded to have the shits for the next 2 days because my body didnโt know wtf to do with all that meat after not eating any for so long
Formatting and poor grammar, apologies in advance.
My father was camping with his gfโs 2 children and their border collie 100 miles away. I was invited but told them I wouldnโt know if I could make it. So on the Saturday, I decide. Fuck it.
Iโll show up unannounced. I pack my stuff but I leave seriously late. Itโs estimated Iโll make it at midnight, at this rate I still think Iโll make it. The plan is Iโll arrive at the site, drive in and pitch up and just appear. What have I got to lose?
Iโm on the motorway, itโs just me and trucks heading for the port. Iโm hard charging through it and suddenly there is a sign. Road closure.
They closed the fucking motorway.
Iโm thinking...โshit..I wonโt make it till 2amโ. I think about it, I pull over, I stare at the ridiculously long lines of traffic (this is at midnight during a holiday season). Thereโs an alternative route shown so I take it. I continue my out of character journey to the site. The cool, thing is - Iโve stayed there before. I remember it like the back of my hand. Apart from one key difference. I arrive at the gate and is a keypad. A fucking keypad. Thereโs no way to get my car in.
โNot todayโ
So I park up outside someoneโs house. I check for signs, restrictions and any other possible reason that my car will disappear from the middle of nowhere.
I decide I need to scout the site. They donโt know Iโm not coming, I also donโt know if they bothered to go! So, with a head torch, a mask, gloves and kitted out like itโs splinter cell, I climb over the fence. Itโs dark, the only areas are the 24hr toilets which are illuminated like the damn Luxor, but with added mosquitoes. I walk down the paved paths, between caravans, motorhomes and tents. Itโs dead quiet. I make it to the deep end of the site. Imagine 4 or 5 fields, connected like Tetris pieces, with a hedge boardering each. You can only access the interior of these square fields by car width gaps.
I spot campfires, people drinking, I pass people going for their late night piss. Many are still awake, burning the midnight oil, laughing, joking, slinging back beers and lit by warming fires. Itโs cosy.
But deep in a corner to my surprise, I see my dads car, and the two tents. Itโs dark, no fires, no torches no laughter. They are all asleep.
I stand there. (Just imagine a figure, standing in the middle of the field, no-one can you as their eyes are focused on their fires)I just look at everyone else having fun, still eating food and making the most of what seemed like a great evening and then I just see a dark corner where they arenโt involved, arenโt talking about ridiculous theories or stories, no fire, no dog no beers.
I think,
โReally... Should I really ring his phone or wake them up to say Ta dahโ
But the bravado, courage and spontaneous motion towards a goal suddenly erases itself. the stealth-like entry, the possibility of a very awkward conversation, onlookers disturbed by a random person with a torch suddenly accessing a tent or slowly raising their voice or startling dog. Fears, and possible misconceptions about my presence suddenly rush in.
I take a few steps back and walk away, passing all the other campers. (Bear in mind itโs pitch black)
I hop the fence, get in my car and just sit there. โHow would have I explained my sudden appearence? I havenโt seen them for a year?โ
I drive down to the sea, a town away and just throw pebbles into the waves. I get back in my car and go home.
I drove over 200 miles in one evening to only realise to myself how weird and awkward the conversation it would be turning up, unconfirmed, into a secure campsite โheyyyyโ
I have never told him. Probably never will. I think if he knew he could have had had a slightly better weekend or something from me just turning up, I think it would just demolish any trust. Thatโs how I see it. Heโs not with the gf now or the dog. I think bringing it up would just be another knife twist.
I played a major character in a school adaptation of Shakespeareโs Caesar. When asked if I wanted he role, I said no, but they heard yes. Instead of correcting, I went with it. Didnโt do well. Also, the character was stereotypically black, and I am painfully white
[deleted] ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 21:11:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure when Borat girl approached you the next day your shame was forgotten.
To be fair it'd be shitty of them to just be like - Hey (black kids in the class) which one of you is going to be Othello, I'm not giving the part to a whitey - too. I'm glad I don't have to navigate those waters though
Othello isn't a character in Julius Caesar. He's in Othello.
Also, Julius Caesar is not in Othello.
imforit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:19:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow I totally missed that word. I'll blame the bumpy train.
edit: and to the 72 other folk who upvoted me, learn to read, ya cretins!
Cereborn ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:13:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have so many questions.
What kind of adaptation was this with a "stereotypically black" character?
Why were they going around just asking random students to take roles, instead of having auditions? Did you go to such a tiny school that everyone had to be in the play?
It was modernized adaptation, and the character was written by a bunch of white kids in a mostly white school. Lots of slang and stereotypical vernacular. And it was just our English class doing it, everyone had a role. We did the play after reading it, but while reading it we did small skits based on the 5 acts. I did a monologue in one of those, and they thought Iโd be good at it again. I wasnโt.
chiron42 ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 18:33:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way do I believe this. You're too uncomfortable to say no, but you're not uncomfortable enough to play out a entire character in front of multiple people, as opposed to the one or two who asked you if you wanted the role.
I did the same thing at Jimmy John's, but I went back and got my sandwich. No one really seemed to notice or care.
_Dia_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:09:03 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd never gone into a subway before and my very impatient dad took me. I had all these options. I had no idea what I wanted. I was so overwhelmed. I went on autopilot and it turned into "Let them decide for me." And let me tell you something, I've gone into subways since then with patient people and I've never been able to order something as good as the first time.
So I'm in a company training seminar on some new system. It's been a few days, with a few days left to go, and everyone is a bit fatigued. At some point, the instructor demonstrated a function of the software we were learning, and then asked me, specifically, whether I knew the answer to a question someone else asked about it. I had some idea of the answer, but was suddenly unable to articulate it. Instead, and to this day I have no idea why, I answered:
"Rie ron't row, Raggy" like Scooby Doo answering a question from Shaggy. A grown ass man answering like a talking cartoon dog.
Oh god, the cringe.
Kbit2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:37:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I keep coming back to this and laughing. Have you ever spontaneously Scooby Doo'd before?
Glad you laughed! I've maybe done it once or twice screwing around with buddies, but not enough to, you know, become a habit or anything. God, what an awful memory, and now I've shared it with all of the fine folks of Reddit.
Keep in mind I was seated at the front of the room, and to respond to the instructor I had to turn around, and thus the entire room witnessed my idiocy. My instructor's face was kind of brief 'storm of emotion' - but what she settled on was a kind of horrified embarrassment, the look I imagine one must get if their pet just took a dump on a guest's bedspread. She was literally stunned for a minute, getting redder and redder, until she just moved on with the lesson. I could see the same horrified embarrassment on the ENTIRE class.
Ah no, not a story. Just a sweet friend who I remember saying "ri rove roo" in a scooby voice quite alot :) he's goofy but great
tkzant ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 20:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dropped a fork on the ground in the student center at my college so I went to the bathroom to wash it off. There was someone at the sink when I got in and for some reason I was afraid of someone seeing me washing off a fork so I hid in the stall until they left and then washed my fork.
Scythe95 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 22:55:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm waiting for that story about the guy who pretended he didn't knew what a potato was
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:25:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to frequent a Starbucks that was right next door to an AT&T wireless store on the strip in the shopping center. Playing on my phone and not paying attention, I accidentally walk into the AT&T store. Immediately realizing what I've done, I make eye contact with the guy behind the desk in the completely empty store, who I'm sure noticed my look of confusion. Rather than just walking out, I confidently walk closer to him and ask "Hey quick question - When does the new iPhone come out?" Baffled by my stupid question, he replies "I don't know, probably at least another 6-8 months?"
I accept his answer with fake disappointment, thank him, and leave.
I'm an Android user by the way....
Another one. After little league baseball practice, I got a snickers from a vending machine. My friends dad was picking us up. Got in the back seat of the car while eating the snickers still. As soon as we left, I accidentally dropped it and it rolled under the car seat. Neither of them saw it happen, and it was pretty dark. I was trying to pick it up but I couldn't find it, so I just left it rather than say anything. Cant imagine the kind of mess that made.
Oh no. Nothingโs coming between me and my snickers.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:46:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As parent with a small child, no worries. I clean out the back of my car and I find messes so far gone they're practically an Iron Age civilization at this point.
It was the rehearsal for an event. There was dancing involved, I didn't want to dance but I had to be there. When I got there I just sat down, waiting for rehearsal to start. I continued to sit. Maybe I'll start when someone tells me to join. Nobody tells me to join. So I have spent maybe 10 minutes just sitting there, watching the others practice the dance moves. It's too awkward to join now. I have committed to sitting. I can't just join in like I wasn't sitting there for 10 minutes. And so I did, sit there, watching for the entire rehearsal. An entire hour. What the fuck was I doing?
Kids are definitely #1 at reacting to a normal situation in a completely absurd manner. I remember once taking a decorative sucker from the main office when I was five, thinking it was free candy. When they asked me to give it back I panicked and made up some story about how I had one exactly like it from Easter still in my backpack (it was February at the time). Six adults ended up interrogating me, knowing full well I was lying, and eventually called my parents. I stuck with the lie the whole time. I was too embarrassed to just say I thought I could have one. In my defense though, who puts candy in an elementary school office and then gets mad at a kid for taking some?
Ha yeah, I have a similar story from when I was five and my teacher told me I could take some candy from the fridge. The fridge had been forbidden to us kids till that point so I was too terrified to open it by myself. But I really wanted that candy so I burst out crying and when asked what was wrong, I told the teacher my leg hurt, so they called my mother to leave work and send me home.
It's even more absurd that six adults would interrogate you like that over something so trivial though.
I went into the local gym to see how much a membership would be, there was a $200 fee you paid up front then so much every month.
I thought to myself "holy hell that is expensive and I can't really afford that right now" Well thanks to my severe anxiety I agreed to pay when he said will that be cash or charge?
I canceled my debit card a couple days later and every time the gym called me I didn't answer..... I never even went once.
_Hempsey ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 19:56:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need to go back and take care of that... I did the same thing and if you signed a contract then you owe them money, even if you never went. I went through the exact same situation minus the awkwardness and plus I went twice. Sooner or later they'll just have an insurance company collect you debt and then you own the insurance company. If you don't pay this affects your Credit score and stuff. Seriously, don't wait. Take care of it.
I was a short order cook for a few weeks. It was set up so customers could see you cook behind the glass and stuff, and a lot of the guys got fancy by flipping spatulas and putting on a little show.
Well I tried flipping a burger once and it landed in a puddle of grease. Burnt my arms and i dropped thr spatula on the floor. I went to wash up, walked off thr job and never came back.
[deleted] ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 18:06:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest I think saying "I am writing in my fourth language" is enough of an excuse to justify the mistake. I'm curious, what other languages do you know?
Lithuanian (native), Russian and Polish. To be fair, I probably should count the latter as half of the language cause I can understand and read, but would not be able to hold a fluent conversation and write :(
Still hoping to fix that and also learn one of the scandinavian languages.
That's really cool. I've always been fascinated by language. I have a basic knowledge of three but only speak english fluently. I'm always impressed by people like you. I had a professor in highschool who spoke 8 different languages.
linwail ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:00:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing happened to me. 2 freshman girls were in my room and said they wanted to stay over. They both try to squeeze into bed with me. Only it was in college and my bed was a twin XL... so we really couldn't all fit. I ended up sleeping on the couch that night.
The next day I bought a California King mattress and found a second Twin XL bed frame to push together with the other one. You could sleep 5 people on that thing if you wanted.
1deafvet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But never had the opportunity again? (threesome or foursome)...
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a community college and at the start of the second semester I was 5 minutes late to class so rather be the guy that's late I decided to quit school all together.
krouell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:48:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my son was 4, he was playing on the playground by himself. When he saw an older kid walk by in the distance he got really excited and called out to this kid, "I love you!"
If he's anything like me, there are many more moments like this in his future.
TSA told me I couldn't bring my water bottle on the plane. I threw it out. She said I could have just dumped it. I didn't want to ask whether it was OK to dump liquids in the trash.
She probably meant you could have dumped it and filled it at a water fountain inside. But yeah that's a lot of pressure. I ended up checking an extra bag because I wanted to keep my accidental weapon I brought.
Xulik ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:12:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hold my breath as long as I can while taking a leak or washing hands. The thought of inhaling someone's butt smells deep into my lungs is very unsettling.
badashly ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:39:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From what I remember but am too lazy to Google, we smell things because super tiny particles of the item are actually making their way into your nose....so it's really small pieces of someone else's shit you're inhaling, which, as a germaphobe, is seriously not ok with me lol.
If it helps it's not literally bits of shit, it's just mixtures of common gasses that shit emits. There's no way for germs or anything to be carried by gas molecules.
When I was little my mom used to drop me off at my aunt and uncles house because they would watch me while she would work. It was very early in the morning, so I would go sleep on their porch because I was afraid to wake them up. Every day they would open the door a few minutes after I had been there and ask why I didn't knock, then explain that they are awake at that hour. And yet...I didn't want to wake them, so I slept on their porch.
When I was a kid, one of my mom's friends offered me a banana. I got really hungry immediately after saying no. I was too shy and awkward to tell her I changed my mind, so I just stared at the bananas until she asked me if I wanted one again. I was about 8. It's been 15 years and I'm still embarrassed.
No one would dance with me at Prom. What do I do? I dance anyway, awkwardly with my two friends who were slow dancing. Imagine 3 people slow dancing in a triangle, only the 3rd person has their arms placed awkwardly around the other two.
sbreebee ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 00:13:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In grade 6 I had put Elmers white glue on my palm to let it dry so I could peel it off, but I put it on too thick and it wasn't drying. What I should have done is gone to the washroom and wiped and washed my hands What I did instead was eat it. I turned my back so no one could see me and I totally licked it off of my hand.
Ok yeah that fits this thread then, damn. Like once or every day?
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:13:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every day for about 1.5 years, both ways, in all weather. The positive side was that I learned that I enjoyed the peaceful solitude of walking in snow at night, with appropriate clothing. Then I made some friends and they started walking with me sometimes. It was fun.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:06:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once hung off the back of my friends truck for a ride home because it was preferable to having to sit next to a girl when I was 15
junkevin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:02:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I did the same thing but for about 2 miles. My bus was absolutely terrible. Had some of the most vile, trashy white kids I've ever met to this day.
I used to do that in high school! It was different though because I got out of school early (at 12) and the buses didn't run until 3, I could walk home in about 2-2 and a half hours (6 mile walk) so I figured it was better than taking the bus even though I was about dead once I got to the entrance to my neighborhood.
I went to an alternative school where we could work at our own pace and we did all our work on our computers, I worked ahead and had finished all but 2 classes so I just had to be there until 12 unless I wanted to wait at the school until the bus ran.
We werenโt allowed to do that in middle school. Theyโd suspend you if you got caught cause I guess they didnโt wanna be held reliable if you got hit by a car.
I did that a few weeks ago. Only one seat left on the bus that was beside another person, so I walked 5~6 miles home.
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 20:40:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back after I graduated high school my parent were pressuring me to get a job, but I was so terrified of talking to people that I just drove to a quiet part of town and stayed in my car, 8 hours a day for three months.
I would make up almost success stories. And mostly blame the economy. Sad.
My friend hopped on a bus once and asked if it went to a certain station. The bus driver gave her a weird look and said it was just around the corner but to hop on anyway. My friend was so embarrassed, when she got off at her stop she pretended to have a bum leg and limped the 100m to the station in case the bus driver could see her.
I was fixing my bra, when my boss's boss turned a corner and was right in front of me. Do I just put my hand down like a normal person? Of course not. I start pretend scratching the shit out my boob and neck like a crackhead because somehow that's let's embarssing then just adjusting? I still avoid him.
At college orientation I went to the bathroom and ended up getting a few drops of pee on my pants when I was shaking. Mortified that I would start school off known as the kid who pissed himself I went to the sink and splashed a shit load of water on my pants and shoes so people would think I just spilled water on myself.
I called the bank on my girlfriend's behalf to clear a few things up that she didn't understand. I misspoke and said that I had a few questions about my account. Like a normal person, I could have told the rep I don't have an account through them and I'm calling for my girlfriend. Instead, I proceeded to give my name and social security number. The rep starts saying something appears wrong and keeps asking me to repeat my info which I do. Fearing if I hang up, then they'll use my info to find me. So I finally decide to tell the rep I'll just visit a branch to clear this matter up and they're saying no we can handle this over the phone. I respond I really have to go to an important meeting. The rep wishes me the best and a good day; I hang up. My girlfriend is just staring at me accross the couch in disbelief.
Torghira ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:08:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being first gen Asian, Iโm bilingual in Vietnamese and English. Well passable in Vietnamese. Anyways I sometimes speak Vietnamese and pretend I donโt speak English so I donโt have to deal with shit like creepy people
Here's my most awkward moment of the day...I have no idea what you mean by first gen Asian. Like your parents are both Scottish and somehow they had an Asian kid?
Torghira ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:08:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. My parents were born in Vietnam. Moved here after the war in 1975. They met in college had me in America. First generation of my family to be born in America
When I was in high school I was home alone on the family computer and wearing a mud mask. I heard someone come into the house but the footsteps didn't sound like any of my family members' and I didn't want any robbers to see me in my mud mask. So naturally I hid under the small desk. The footsteps continued to get closer until they were right above me...and then the person sat down. It was my older brother's best friend who came over to use our computer. He peered under the table after his knees hit me. I got up, said, "uhh hey" and then walked away without explaining myself whatsoever. He is still a close family friend and neither of us has ever brought it up.
~sigh~ mines pretty gross........ when my anxiety kicks up..it KICKS UP.
When I was 16, I had started dating my then boyfriend, first boyfriend ever. Exciting right? - he brings me over to his friend's house for a cookout/hangout. Ok cool! I got a chance to meet all of his other friends and the day was going great.
I then had to use the bathroom. I excuse myself and unfortunately had a take a dump. Did my business, go to flush and nothing. Toilet is not flushing. I panic. I tried everything with the very little plumber knowledge I had to fix it. Not wanting to embarrass myself and have either my boyfriend or his friends come in and take a look and see what the problem is.. I found an empty to go cup in the trashcan..scoop up my... waste... and throw that cup away outside in the street trashcan...all because I didn't want them to think I broke/clogged the toilet.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 21:56:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i Turn the sink water on when i take a shit because I'm self conscious about farting to loud and my poop hitting the water and somebody hearing me. But when im alone stall or home i let er rip for sure
yeah but i have bad anxiety so i think that if they hear it they'll talk shit, tho i know they won't. so i do it. i also pee on the rim instead of water, that's just cause i don't like loud noise.
My family went to a mountain cafe when I was 8. The waitress asked how I wanted my eggs and I said medium rare. MEDIUM RARE. I literally can't order eggs around my cousins anymore because all I get is
Hey Congrats how do you want your eggs ?medium rare? Well done? Hey help us marinate the eggs we're grilling some tbone eggs tomorrow. Smh
I worked at a breakfast place and when asked how he'd like his eggs cooked this customer said "dippy" wile gesturing like he was dipping something. Everyone thought this was normal except me.
i just laughed out so fucking loud in class fuck you
Amyleia ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 20:16:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude my boyfriend's roommates were out in the living room but I didn't want to have to say hi when I left so I crawled out his window to leave. Several times.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:21:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's kinda cute tbh.
8to5pleb ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 18:53:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be me, at the gf's house after coming home from dinner eating Korean BBQ. Idk why but 6/10 times the kbbq will blow my bootyhole to kingdom come. And this was one of those moments.
When I feel that slight rumble in my stomach followed by the sound signalling my doom, I literally have moments to get to the bathroom before all hell breaks loose from my asshole.
So I feel this rumble and the next thing I can think of is to run to the bathroom but as I recall, the bathroom ventilation fan in there is the quiet one that makes almost no noise. So if I was to let loose in there, the whole house would hear my anus blowing apart.
To make matters worse, her parents were also at the house, and my relationship with the gf at that time was still quite young. Not to the point where we could fart in front of each other, or let alone talk about our booty business on the throne.
This caused me to panic even worse and I ended up coming up with the worst excuse to step out of the house for a bit by telling her I needed to drop off something at a friend's house.
So by the time I tell her this my face is sweating bullets as I turn pale from keeping my cheeks clenched tightly. I run outside the house not even bothering to listen to what she said as I got into the car and drove off to the nearest fast food restaurant for their bathroom.
Luckily there was a McDs across the street and I ran inside hoping for the bathroom to be open. By this time my ass is sweating so hard I don't even know if it's my shit leaking out or just the sheer amount of sweat accumulating between my cheeks. And as I walk inside I see the fucking sign saying "out of order". GG. My asshole was doomed.
As I gave up all hope I walked outside to see a park with some dimly lit area that was full of bushes. This was it. I had to do it. My cheeks were so soaked and my stomach was in so much pain I didn't care anymore.
I waddled behind the bush and I just let that shit flow like there's no tomorrow. Dear god I'm glad this didn't happen at the house because it smelled like something was dead inside my asshole for years.
And obviously I didn't have anything to wipe my ass with so I pulled my pants up in shame and walked back to my car. At this point there's no way I'm going back to the gf's house with my asshole covered in the blast of shit I just let out so I ended up driving home. (I lived about 2 hours away at that time).
I gotta say that was one of the most dumbest things I've done when I could've just told the family about the bathroom situation before I went in.
TL;DR: had the squirts after eating kbbq with gf, too shy to go to bathroom in her house so ended up shitting in a bush at a park
Well, my arm is still broken but aside from that I'm alright. It was only about a 15 minute walk so it would've taken just as long to wait for somebody. Overall, 2/10 experience because they didn't give me a sticker even though I asked. Would catch myself after falling off my bike so I don't break my face again.
I spent 2k on sofas I really didnโt like that much because I felt too awkward to say no. The sales woman wasnโt aggressively pushy.... but just pushy enough.
For the last 4 months Iโve been trying to sell them on... seemingly Iโm not a pushy enough seller myself.
I literally canโt even argue with that.... if it makes you feel any better my bf has now banned me from going to any furniture store, so thatโs one less socially awkward sofa buyer off the street
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:00:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First date with my high school crush. I fell because my heel got caught up in a crack on the side walk and I pretended I had fainted. True story.
wosaka ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:24:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I went to a grocery store to buy frozen turkey breasts but I could not find them. I have spent hour and a half looking for them instead of asking the salesman where the breasts are like a normal person would.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:27:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHERE ARE THE BREASTS?!?!
EU_Ase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting on a bus in Germany and I didn't realize that there was an "enter" and "exit" side of the door with a barrier in between. I accidentally entered on the "exit" side, which had a one way gate at the end of it. I was trapped with the bus driver staring at me, not looking impressed. Instead of getting off the bus, getting back on through the "enter" side, and trying to use my terrible German skills to explain the situation, I squeezed through the gate. All the while, the bus driver stared at me, not blinking once.
This is why we don't use public transportation in America.
So my front tooth broke off earlier.this year. I don't have the money to.fix.it.so I ordered these plastic- ish beads off eBay that you can dunk in hot water and make a "tooth" that will fill the gap reasonably well. So I don't look completely like the white trash that I am.
Anyways I usually take it.out while I.eat cause it wants to fall.out and yeah I have swallowed a couple of them. I usually place it in my pocket for safe keeping but I left it on my food tray and it fell into the bottom of a full trash can at a chicken joint. It feels just like after you KNOW that you locked your keys in the car. Doom!
So now instead of going to work without a front tooth, I pull the whole can liner out( one of those huge bags prolly 30 gallon ones)and take it with me. The look on people's face was classic. I spent 20 min in a parking lot digging through chicken bones to find this tooth before work. Shame is a weird thing.
I appreciate the concern but it wasn't really meant in a sad way. Do I wish things were different on that front? Sure. We're just poor people since as far back as anyone can remember. "White Trash" may be a little harsh for what I am, but we just had to pawn some truck tires to bury my aunt last month so...But real talk...Thanks.
I am so sorry about your aunt. You are a good and resourceful relative. I am a senior strategist for a major financial institution. Not poor; a modestly successful woman. You pawning those tires beats the shit out of what I do every day. You are my hero.
I appreciate the sentiment if this isn't a troll. ๐ One can never be too sure these days. Reddit has a way of breaking your heart sometimes.
I call us the people of the rented houses because we just kinda live till we die never accumulating enough to put down roots. I guess we're like moss in that way. We've called Texas home since the 1800's but we seek no land nor title. Recent medical/funeral costs have drained us completely for this generation. My aunt that I spoke of missed a payment on her life insurance so that fucked us. we woulda paid it if we only knew. No record of criminal activity except my great grandmother's sister blew her husband's back out through a rocking chair and did some time. God knows what happened there.
I am not sure what trolls are, except I think I may have a vague reference to people who pretend to be someone they are not. Well, most of us do that everyday; but not me on here. Can't say that for my real life. I always think one day it will be discovered I am a phoney...a fake...and they are revering a false idol.
Can I ask something, without sounding like an asshat? You are well~ written and articulate. Are you perpetuating a self fulfilling prophecy of the renters by not breaking the cycle? I hope that doesn't sound preachy; not my intention at all. And definitely don't want to sound like a hallmark poster, but you can be anything you want to be. Or is that easier said than done? But, with that said, I suspect I like you just the way you are.
Well first let me say you didn't sound preachy at all and I appreciate your candor honesty. It's good to hear from ya again I hope you're doing well. I think we all need to be someone else sometimes out of sheer necessity. Don't feel bad for that. In fact I struggle not to feel like an imposter most days. However, "trolls" tend to take this to a new level where they seek to cause pain and embarrassment for the sole purpose of self-aggrandisement.
On the self fulfilling prophecy front, I think you hit the nail on the head. When you find yourself in a hole sometimes it's hard to find a reason not to keep digging because that is what you know. And you are already holding the shovel. Calamity and misfortune become a new familiar normal. Dad went out for smokes real quick when I was 10 but he smoked a rare brand apparently cause he's still lookin'. Mama did what she could but things went from mayhem to all out bedlam. But that's no excuse and I know it. As you can see I have a flare for the dramatic on occasion.
I'm the only one in the family that is college educated(only a few made it to high school) and I just knew I could pull us out. But "destiny" would find the plans to the deathstar. '.
Let's just say the accent they left me with evokes some rather undesirable results.๐จ Welp it's getting close to the first haha. ๐ Peace.
Hey just wanted to tell you that it was nice talking with you before I forget the password to this acct. Your words did help and your time wasn't wasted. I don't get to talk it out with many people these days. Thank you stranger. -Townes
I have thought a lot about our brief conversations. I thought about this "trolling", and was fearful I was on the receiving end. Honestly, I am an enjenou in this world. I only landed here because someone told me this site was am interesting read. I always want to talk to you though.
I don't know what to call my girlfriend's parents because "Mr" and "Mrs" is too formal especially after being with her for 5 years, but calling them by their names also feels weird so I've avoided calling them anything for 5 whole fucking years.
This is a late reply but my husband doesnโt call my parents anything.. when he wants to get their attention or speak to them he just says โheyโ
SB472 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:00:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live about a mile from where I work. I walk to and from work about 95% of the time, unless I'm running late. Well one day last summer I ran into this problem so I drove downtown and found a parking garage a block from my building.
Later that day I made the mistake of bringing up the fact that I "walk to work daily" to an older co-worker who insisted in a grandmotherly way that she drive me home since it was nearly 100ยฐ out. She was really insistent and I eventually just said okay, not wanting to look like I lied about my usual walking.
So she drops me off, I walk all the way back to the parking garage, and I drive home again.
I'm a native Californian. I say all 3. "Gooood morning/afternoon!" In a cheesy milkman kind of way, or "Evenin' " in a U.S. southern politeness kind of way and a cheeky smile. I think "Good afternoon" could easily sound like you're about to issue someone a subpoena, and "Good evening" could easily make it sound like you're going to suck someone's blood. Too many years in sales with too many fake-ass greetings has given me a lot of practice, but I think with some tact it's not too bad. You U.K. people have it easy because people expect politeness from you.
badashly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:01:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In canada the "good" gets dropped a lot and it's just "afternoon!"
Then it's "have a good night" instead of good evening :)
I force myself to say good morning and good afternoon at work when I am in the hallways. I try to hide out in my office from 11:30 am to 12:30 pm because it is too stressful to be aware of the greeting time change. I also only have those 2 greetings wired in my brain so it gets really weird when I work late and I'm wishing everyone a good afternoon at 6 pm.
When I was a cop and someone would ask me for directions tosome place I've never heard of, I would just make up directions like "go down three blocks, and make a left travel down that road for 6 or so miles and it will be on your left" and then drive away as soon as they left instead of tell them I had no idea what they were talking about.
I do exactly the same thing. When I've described it to people, they would laugh and think it was ridiculous and nobody ever said they did it too. I'm so gratified to know that even a cop has had this character trait and handled it the same way.
winch25 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:42:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm with my wife and somebody asks me for directions to a place I don't know, I just make it up so I don't look like I don't know.
Iโd walk around a whole block instead of going a way that literally takes 30 seconds because I didnโt want to pass by this person and say hi to them. I did this on a daily basis.
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:04:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody else here done the old 'pretend-to-be-on-mobile'?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:12:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretend to be on the phone every single time I walk out of my house and pass by people, not even in an "I'm doing this because I'm afraid of strangers" way, but just because it became a habit.
I also fake a british accent while pretending to be on the phone.
This is far from the dumbest thing, but it's the first thing that came to mind.
I was getting a drink at a bar and I crumpled up a paper napkin. The bartender extended his hand and I shook it politely. He then indicated that he was trying to take the napkin from me.
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 22:07:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was a friend of mine, and I feel like I should add that he is now a well-adjusted, social member of society.
He was waiting at the bus stop to head home after school, when two girls (whom we are now friends with and love to tell this story) walk up to him and start a causal conversation.
Being the shy Sophomore he was, my buddy immediately began looking for an out. He found it when they offered him some peanut M&Ms. He took a handful, ate one, looked down at his hand in horror and yelled, "Are these peanut M&Ms?! I'M ALLERGIC!" And ran off the bus to wait for the next one.
When I'm traveling by bus and I press the stop button accidentally and no one walks out, I just walk out and accept my fate. Happens especially while on vacation.
I had this in reverse kinda. Me and my mum are on the way home from town. We're approaching our stop and she tells me to press the stop button, me being me, im too embarrassed to press the button on a bus full of people. It stops anyway for people to get on but as we walk off she loudly lets me know what a stupid idiot i am...among other things.
Not sure if this qualifies as dumb or just more socially awkward, but when I was younger, around 4-5, I went to an all inclusive resort in mexico with my parents. As most of them do, this resort had a kids camp sort of thing that my parents dropped me off for a few hours so they could enjoy the resort also (I'll pretend I don't know what they were using that time for).
This wasn't a large resort and so it turned out that I was the only child there at the time and so it was basically just me and this (so I'm told) knockout of an Argentinian woman. Over the course of my time there we spent quite a few hours together. So when we were leaving she found my parents and I and gave me a small gift as a kind gesture to remember her, and all she asked in return was a kiss on the cheek.
Now me being a 4-5 year old with the social awkwardness of one, thought kissing a girl on the cheek was just moving way too fast in the relationship. So instead I had the stellar idea to lick her cheek like a dog. Of course this was right in the main lobby so all of the guests checking in and out saw.
Unfortunately I've since lost her gift and can't remember her apparent incredible hotness, yet the memory of my sheer awkwardness lives on.
I was in college reading in a community center when a friendly girl walked up and told me how she loved that book, but "oh, I'm sure you could care less!"
Without even looking up I corrected her saying "couldn't care less" in a dull monotone... she just shrunk saying "oh..." and proceeded to sit down next to me.
We sat there in silence for like 30 minutes...
Ronmfer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:14:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not awkward at all. That is proper English. She should feel awkward about that exchange.
I sat on a knife at work* and instead of fessing up, I jammed a bunch of napkins down my pants, and sat down until it was time to go home (like 4 hours). The cut was so big and deep that I required 3 stitches and a tetanus shot. I'm a fucking idiot.
I brought the knife to cut up a tomato for my salad, put the knife in my bag and sat on my bag.
When I was 12, I was on a church trip to go tubing down a local river. My father had a van, so he volunteered to be one of the drivers for the trip. I was sitting in the front passenger seat alone in the van waiting for everyone else to come outside to load up to take the trip, and so naturally I began playing with the cigarette lighter built into the dash. I began to wonder what would happen if after pushing it, I forced it to not pop out after 15 seconds like it normally does when the coil was hot enough. I held it in for at least two minutes, then pulled it out. When I inspected the coil, it wasn't glowing red. I thought that maybe I had broken it and it had failed to heat up, so I tested this by touching it with the tip of my finger. Big mistake. As it turns out, it was white hot. It hurt worse than anything I've ever experienced. But instead of telling anyone that I was injured, I just went through the entire trip trying my hardest to act normal, all the while being in intense pain.
Done it! Like 8th grade, Dad left me in car while ran into bank. Curious me, push in the car lighter--and see it's not bright red when it pops out. Assuming it's broken I feel need to stick my finger in it to be sure. Not broken. Not at all.
Theater Employee: Here's your receipt, enjoy the movie!
Me: You too!
jakiblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh god, i've actually done that.
pooky17 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:26:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was first dating my current husband, we went to a store to look for Christmas presents for kids in our families.
It was the beginning of our relationship, so I was really nervous to be around him still and had those butterflies in my stomach that only wine gives me now. Anyway, we were in the toy section and there was a giant display of footballs.
He grabbed one and said 'quick, catch!' And a normal person would have reacted quickly and caught the football.
Me? I ducked. And the football went flying past my head.
This was the first most awkward thing I've ever done in our relationship.
Go to get the mail. See the mailman is at the neighbor's box. Pretend I forgot something in the house so I don't stand there waiting or (shudder) take the mail from him or her.
My next door neighbor and I leave our apartments at around the same time every morning. Sometimes right as I walk out and am locking my door, he walks out too. Rather than face the awkward small talk as we walk to the parking lot, I promptly unlock my door and go back in- pretending with feigned frustration I forgot something. Done this on a few occasions. Hoping he just buys the charade and thinks I'm really forgetful....
If I hear voices in the hall outside my apartment I'll often wait until it's "all clear" before leaving. When I had an apartment with an outside entrance I would look out the peephole before leaving.
Iโve never laughed so hard from a thread before LMAO.
azhteak ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:40:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 9-10 years, we moved from this gigantic house to a small apartment in the same city. One day I was playing with a friend at their house, and when we were done, and I had to go home, they offered to drive me home, but i had just moved and my friend parents, didn't know. So they just dropped me off at my old house and I felt awkward so i just walked home, and my parents were really worried because i was suppose to be home much sooner.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:26:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In England during an interview they usually offer you tea with milk and with or without sugar. I take my tea with sugar.
So while interviewing I've been sipping on my tea and about the third time I reached for my tea it tasted weird. There was no sugar in it. I could not wrap my head around it. Then I realised I picked up my interviewer's tea. I casually put it back front of her like nothing happened....
Saves you a trip the next time you only need one stamp ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
glich159 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:03:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said goodbye to my friends after a movie and one of them (who was a friend of a friend) coincidentally parked at the same parking garage as I did. Instead of talking to him, I called my dad and talked about how to cook steak til I got inside my car
When I was 11 I really wanted to kiss this girl in my class. I watched a movie and there was a kissing scene. AHA! I'll just star in a movie.
But wait, it has to be this specific girl. I know, I'll write a script and get it picked up with me as the star.
I literally thought writing a Hollywood screenplay, selling it to a producer, and having them cast me and girl as the two parts who kiss was easier than just talking with her.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has perhaps been the best thread I have ever read on Reddit. Dying of laughter.
My wife's favorite pre-teen memory: she had a crush on her older sister's cool boyfriend, and would invent goofy "look at me" ways to enter the living room when he was there. He's over one day, and she decides she's going to take ballet leaps into the room. But it turns out she has lots of gas, and the force of each leap as she lands is squeezing out an audible fart. She's about two fart leaps in when she realizes what's happening. But by then she's in the room and has their FULL attention. So she just keeps leaping past them, through the living room and out the other door, farting with each leap. She was MORTIFIED. And still is.
Shox2711 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:31:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 15-16, my parents had friends over. At this time my bedroom was down stairs meaning the second I walk out of my bedroom, everyone would see me and I would be obligated to speak to them. I was bursting for a piss but the thought of having to converse with people was even worse. I climbed out the window, peed in the garden and jumped back in unnoticed.
Worth it.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:45:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went over to Germany for an exchange thing when I was 16 and got myself stuck in the family's basement while totally undressed. Basically I was staying in a room that was on the basement level that had a bathroom attached to it. I had to get up very early the next morning so I decided to take a shower at around 11pm that night to save time. I got undressed and was about to get in the shower when I noticed that the towel I had was very small. I could've just put up with a smaller towel but for some reason I felt I needed a bigger one. The proper basement/laundry room was on the same level so I decided "fuck it" I'll just run down quickly and get the bigger towel. So I went striding down without putting on any clothes (since I thought I'd be so quick) and went into the laundry without doing anything to keep the door from closing and locking behind me...So there I was, stuck in a cold and dark concrete room without any clothes on. After a few minutes of panicking and thinking how I was going to get out/ explain this I luckily I found a towel and was able to open the cellar doors that opened up to ground level outside the house. So now at least I'm covered by a towel but I'm outside and it's night and it's freezing cold. Ended up having to ring the doorbell and wait for my super cute exchange partner to open the door. She went from very confused to straight up laughing at me. I went as fast as I could past her and the rest of the family back down stairs to my room. They asked me about what happened the next morning and all I could do was mumble something about the "small towel and the door locking".
Really stoned and then smoked a cig in my friend's dad's workshop where everyone was hanging out. Too high to ask where an ashtray was so I put the cig out by crushing it in my hand and proceeding to just hold it. This was, of course, in the middle of conversation with someone.
One time I was using a restroom in a public place. There were 3 stalls and I chose the one with no toilet paper left. Of course I realized this after I dropped my dookies.
Convinced nobody would come in right then, I decided to make a run for it. Pants around my ankles, I waddled over to the next stall down. Right in the middle of this stall transition the bathroom door opens and my bare ass full of poop is the first thing this poor guy sees. I book it into the stall and proceed to sit and wait 10 minutes until I knew the coast was clear.
Here's the story. I was 18 years old and had never dated a guy or kissed or well... Anything. I met a guy at this clubhouse in town and we played pool and flirted and later that night he called me and when we were talking he was like "do you wanna get married?"
I assumed he was joking so I went "haha yeah". The next day my friends were like "you're marrying xyz" and I was like... No? But word was spreading fast. We hadn't even been on a date! It was a super small town and I was just like welllllllllll what now?
Well. We went on a few dates and then I married him because I didn't know how to be like "nah dude". He was 32. Turns out he had schizophrenia. We actually stayed married almost 5 years and had a kid together. We only got divorced because he got really sick with his illness and became dangerous. He's better now and we are good friends but I'm married to someone else.
Yeah it was a really weird thing I did. I still am horrible about saying no to anything and I get roped into so much just because saying no makes me so uncomfortable.
My workload is tremendous haha. Like sure I'll do yet another project and committee.
Indicud2 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 17:36:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really had to poop and I was down the street from my house. I was squeezing the cheeks hoping I could make it. I'm walking really slow and I see 2 people going into their house and I pretended to pick up a newspaper like I was in front of my house so they wouldnt notuce me walkimg slow and then all hell broke loose and I had the biggest adrenaline rush to run home without stooping.
All bc I hated public restrooms.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 20:17:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stooping = stopping and pooping?
Indicud2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:18:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 7 years old, I was at church and they made me try coconut (I don't remember what it was for). I didn't like it at all. But instead of spitting it out, I keep it in the pouch of my cheek for the next hour. There was a trash can five feet away from where I was sitting...
Worked construction with a lot of hispanic people, being one of the only white boys i tried to learn Spanish. One day after work i tried to tell a group of the guys "Bye, have a good weekend boys" everyone laughed at me and I was told that I actually said "Bye, I hope you all have boys"..... Never again did i try. I was just the dumb white guy after that.
smorest ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:41:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have just told them it is a typical American blessing. โMay you have many sons.โ
I had to stay behind at school for not doing work in class.
The teacher walked away and came back 10 minutes later, by this time I had already completed the work, and she said, "Carry on doing your work, I'll dismiss you when I come back if you finish." I didn't tell her that I had already finished because of my god damn anxiety.
She was gone for over an hour before I could leave.
chedzoa ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:18:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was sleeping over at my cousins house. It was about 3 in the morning and I really had to pee. I was in the guest room & the living room was right outside the guest room. The bathroom was literally right next to my bedroom but Iโm laying in bed debating if I should go to the bathroom or not or hold it in because my cousin had a habit of staying up super late playing video games & I knew he was out there. For some reason I was embarrassed.
I proceeded to open the bedroom door as quietly as possible & instead of WALKING like a normal person I crawled to the bathroom in hopes he wouldnโt see me considering it was dark (pretty sure he did) I than thought โoh no heโs gonna hear me peeingโ โfuck it Iโll hold it inโ I crawled back the short distance to my bedroom & laid back down. I knew I wouldnโt be able to hold it for the rest of the night. So all fucks lost, I peed the bed, on purpose. I was 12-13 at the time & in the morning I had to explain that it was an โaccidentโ
scotems ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:29 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the flying fuck?
scifibum ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:58:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pushed a motel mattress containing friendly girls off the bed frame in a bid for comic relief.
I was painfully shy as a teenager, and starved for touch. I was afraid of girls and couldn't talk to them for more than a few seconds at at ime.
We were on a school band trip that involved staying overnight at a motel. I think we were 4 to a room, segregated by gender of course. But early in the evening we had down time and some girls came to our room to watch a movie with us. The boys sat on the floor, using the beds as backrests, and the girls were on the beds. These girls were being a bit flirtatious and started braiding my friend's hair. It wasn't long hair so it took some time and patience. It became clear that I would get braided next.
Now, part of me really wanted to enjoy the attention. But I was so shy, so afraid that they would find my hair or scalp gross, and being touched was such an unfamiliar thing, that I apparently couldn't just sit and let it happen. In a panic, I decided to vault over to the side of the bed and push the mattress with my feet. I suppose in my head it was funny? Haha we are now having a bounce? Let's just say I hadn't thought it through all the way.
So in my urgency to achieve some kind of playful exit from the hair braiding, I bolted away from their hands and violently shoved the mattress with my feet. Understandably, they were freaked out. My male friends in the room started yelling "what the heck, scifibum". I apologized, but the damage was done, and as you have probably guessed, nobody touched me for the rest of high school. OK, that's an exaggeration. But those particular girls certainly steered clear after that.
I remember whipping my phone out and pretending to take a fake phone call, then spinning around to another direction so the strangers on the street wouldn't know that I'd simply taken the wrong turn on the road and would be fooled by my 'friend's' sudden change of plan.
Sigh.
ishook ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coworker had some Sunflower seeds he was sharing so I took a few and popped them in my mouth. He looked at me funny and told me I had to take the shell off first. I told him I prefer them this way. It was like eating a book.
I went to a bar after a long day of work and nonchalantly ordered a vodka and coke. I meant to say jack and coke, but I didn't want to admit fault so I rolled with it.
I never post but ugh cringing just thinking about this...my two co-workers invited me out to get food with them after we finished our shift, and at first I said yes! But during my shift it dawned on me that I don't really know them THAT well, and anxiety started to make me question if this was a pity invite.
Sooooo, ten minutes before we are about to leave I get my friend to call me and have a pretend conversation about her being there and make up an elaborate lie of how we haven't seen each other in weeks...I could have just told them I'd changed my mind and was tired :'C
I hope I'm not the only one who does this. When I go to cross the street and there are a few cars slowly rolling by, sometimes they will stop for me when it looks like I am waiting to cross. To avoid interrupting them and that obligatory hand wave I just walk the opposite direction until all of the cars are gone. I've been about to cross only to turn 90 degrees and the persons who's time I'm "saving" watches in confusion but eventually goes along their way.
Nope, you're not the only one. I also absolutely can NEVER cross at a walk light. WAY to much pressure and attention on me. Seriously, all these cars stopping at the light with nothing to focus on but me crossing the street? I can barely even order a pizza on the phone...
gustyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:08 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do things like this at crosswalks. They give me so much anxiety. I go to extreme lengths to not have to use them.
Interestingly enough I found out fear of crosswalks is common in autistic people like myself.
Went to the beach and found some kids about my age (15ish) one girl and one guy. At one point while we were in the water a wave came and displaced half her bikini so her boob was all the way out. I noticed immediately but didn't want her to think I was staring at her tit so I just ignored the problem. What was probably a full 30 seconds later of us talking the other guy came back from wherever he was (I think he tried to body surf) and told her.
I have no idea if she knew I knew afterwards and was just perving or if she thought I didn't notice. But I did, immediately and just felt awkward telling her.
I know this will be buried but never in a million years did I imagine there would be a reddit thread fit for me to tell this story.
At a party, slept in the car because there wasn't enough room in the house. Woke up having to pee, like the worst "oh my god my bladder is going to explode" feeling I've ever had. The normal person thing to do would have been get out of the car, go into the house, use the bathroom, and come back, right? Yeah, I am not a normal person. I had a bucket in the car (I'm a girl so I couldn't just pee in a bottle or something) and some paper towels... So I got in the passenger seat, sat on the bucket, did my thing, rolled the window down, dumped it out the window, dried the inside of the bucket with the paper towels, threw them out the window, rolled the window back up and went back to sleep. Not my proudest moment, but I didn't know the people in the house very well and the thought of going in there made me too anxious....
When I was 12 I got my first babysitting job at a house at the end of my street. It went well but I fell asleep by the end of the night. When the parents came home, I was super disoriented. The dad offered to drive me (even though it was only about 12 houses away). I pointed and said "it's that one", then got out of the car and opened my front door. Only, I immediately heard loud male voices (my mom was a single mom - no men at my house).
I suddenly realized I was two doors down from my house. I turned and saw the dad watching to be sure I got in ok. Rather than let him know I'd made a mistake and just go to my actual house, I entered the wrong house quietly and closed the door.
The men were drinking and playing cards just out of sight of the door. I stood as still as a statue for what felt like an hour but was only a couple of minutes. I needed to wait for the dad to drive back and go in his house. Finally I quietly opened the door and stepped outside. Closed it quietly and ran like mad to my house! I didn't tell anyone for a very long time.
In the middle of a board game, I stood up to get another beer (a few feet from the game table) but had to remove the gallon of milk from the fridge to get the beer. I picked up the jug, and matched eyes with a non-high friend of mine, for some reason thought I'd make him laugh by pretending to pour the milk on my head. The cap was not on the jug properly. My friend watch as stoned-me took a gallon of milk and poured it on my head. Everyone was just as confused as I was as there was no rhyme or reason for any of it. My explanation for why it happened wasn't very valid.
A friend of mine and I sat in the bathroom for 5 minutes waiting for the each other to leave so we could poo. We realized it was each other, had an awkward laugh, but neither one of us used the bathroom.
DSV686 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:34:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an ongoing thing.
I need to pee at 8:30 in the morning. It doesn't matter if I wake up at 5 or 10 I need to pee at 8:30.
I have a 45 minute commute on public transit and start at 9.
I come to work 45 minutes early for the sole purpose of peeing in the company toilets because I am too ashamed to ask the 7-11 for the key to their toilet every morning and arrive at a normal time. So I'm at work at 8:12 every day and sit around for 48 minutes simply so I can pee without asking for the key to the bathroom at the 7-11
1morepl8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my first year in graduate school. I wanted to make sure all of the professors knew me and I had a good rep as you do as a grad student. First impressions are important. I was walking down the hall and saw a prof and wanted to say "Hi."
This is at Texas A&M, so it's normal to say "Howdy" there. Not my brain though. My brain was like, "Say Howdy, nah maybe not just say Hi!" What came out was: "HOW!" The professor said "Um..hi.." with a smirk and I immediately decided to go hide in a restroom stall.
I lived in an apartment building and I had a really cute neighbor. I was in the Delayed Entry Program while trying to join the military and the wait time was approximately a year. So for about half of that time I would pretty much stay home all day and play video games. I would see a cute neighbor girl (Senior in high school only 1 year younger than me) walk on by my main front windows on her way home. There was no way I'd actually ever talk to her first so I just played Xbox around the time she'd get off and play loud music. She looked through my open blinds right at me and I quickly looked back at the TV. DAMMIT! I missed my chance, again! Well, one day, she walks by with a female friend and as they're passing by, she stops, walks back to the front of my apartment, and rings the doorbell. I never thought it would work so that's about where my plan ended. We ended up getting together and she was the most amazing girl.
I was at a play - Hamlet - in London, at a fancy theater. My feet were very very sweaty. Like, unbearably so. I felt too awkward to leave the theatre and go wash them in the bathroom.
So I just took my shoes off and put my stinky as fuck bare feet out over the railing.
People around me (like, three rows back) were covering their faces with their shirts to try to escape the stink.
I was paralyzed with awkward, just waiting and hoping for intermission. It's fucking Hamlet - took like 2 hours.
At intermission, I went to the bathroom, washed and dried off my feet, like I should have done 2 hours earlier. (or just kept my fucking shoes on. Awkward has reasons which reason can not understand).
It was with a study-abroad class. I didn't have many friends after that.
Or so awkward that I didn't realize how awkward getting my feet out would be until it was too late and then I was too paralyzed with the awkwardness to correct the awkward?
Yeah. Whenever I think my glory days are behind me, I remember this moment, and I realize I wasn't so glorious back then... And I still cringe when I think about it.
First time meeting my girlfriends grandparents, who were gardeners. They make us Lasagne with salad from their own garden. I start eating my lasagne and picking at the salad, when I notice a fucking HUGE spider in between the salad leaves. Now instead of informing her grandparents, I EAT MY ENTIRE MEAL, until there is only a spider left on my plate.
My girlfriend โomg thereโs a spider!!!โ
Me โyeah I knowโ
ashrae9 ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 17:42:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 14. I was dating this guy, let's call him Jason. We were in the 9th grade. This is hands down the most awkward situation I have ever been in. I am 26 now and still do awkward shit but I will never forget that feeling of this awkward moment.
Jason and I were tight since basically the first week that year, bonding over Harry Potter and music taste. We hung out every day during lunch and after school. We eventually decided to date. Long story short, it ended after a couple months. There wasn't any romantic chemistry at all and we had never even kissed (he's gay, go figure! I'm bisexual and didn't find out til years later. I still have no gay-dar.) We stayed good friends, it was super innocent.
We had this mutual friend, Cameron. He was so cute. Started dating him a few weeks after Jason and I broke up but it wasn't a huge deal. Jason and Cameron were best friends, though, so there's that to keep in mind here. Cameron and I were together for maybe a week, and a group of us all went to the local fair together. (You know, going on questionably safe rides, eating sodium overdose foods and pure sugar all day in the 35ยฐ heat, that kind of shit.) There was a concert at this fair -- Theory of a Deadman. Oh yeah, 2005-2006 they were super cool then. We were all hanging out as friends, really -- but I was hoping Cameron would like me back.
So we get to the grassy area where they held the concert and we're all standing together in the crowd. My two girl friends and one of their boyfriends are in front of us and Jason, Cameron and I are standing together somewhat behind them, me in the middle. So yeah, here we are, standing in a huge crowd singing along to the music and having a great time when I feel Cameron, bump against my right shoulder and grab my hand. Aww. My heart fluttered. I was so excited that the feelings were reciprocated.
Halfway into the chorus of "Santa Monica," however, something happened. Jason grabbed my left hand and squeezed it. Oh god. What. No. What is happening!? Get me out of this scenario!
What did I do, you ask? Let go of a hand? Both hands? OH GOD. NOPE. I'll tell ya what I did. I held both hands for the rest of the concert. Yep. It was awful. My heart felt like it was going to sink through my body and out my asshole. I was terrified someone would notice or one of them would notice the other, also holding my hand!?!?! NO. No no no. I was so nervous the remainder of the concert which was about 3 more songs. I couldn't enjoy any of it. I could hear my heartbeat in my eardrums every so often when one of them would move or turn their head towards me. Finally the last song ended, the band says thanks to our tiny ass fuck city, and the crowd starts tapering. Fuck. Just as Jason starts to face me and talk to me, I pretended to see someone else I know behind him, calling a random name out to no one in particular as I yanked both hands free. I cut through the crowd and ran off. I kept running until I got out of the little grassy area, through the rides and porta-potties, and out into the parking lot. I had never run like that in my life. I felt like Forrest Gump when those bullies chased him and his brace flies off.
I then got on the bus and went home. This was before the days of cell phones so later, when Jason came over to the house to check on me I begged my mother to tell him I wasn't home. I still have no idea if the two of them ever discussed that event because I never spoke to either of them again.
The end.
TL;DR - A strange series of events led to me holding two dudes' hands at once at a concert at the local fair. Was too awkward to do anything but freeze. I then ran full speed to the nearest bus stop with no explanation and went home. I was 14.
imforit ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:52:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two paragraphs in, I thought this was going to turn into the plot of Ferris Beuller
ashrae9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:10:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bahaha amazing. I wish it were. The musical number would've vastly improved that experience.
imforit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:51:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
who doesn't want to spontaneously star in a parade?
What I wouldโve done is just raise both my hands in the air super obvious and friendly like and make the guys holding your hands feel awkward for thinking that they were having a romantic moment.
Edit: Engrish.
linwail ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tdt0005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm confused. You're 26 and have been dating the same guy for 10 years. But you years (I assume you were 14/15 in 9th grade) found out you were bi. There is a story somewhere.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:34:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We've been together since I was 16. And yep, bisexual. There's not really a story there.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ashrae9 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:48:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely. That's sort of the point. Lots of suspense for a really awkward moment because that's how it all felt to me. Very drawn out and dramatic lol.
Someone who works in our shipping department calls me the wrong name and has been calling me that for over 7 years.
I responded to it once when I first met him because he was actually talking to someone else behind me and I didn't want to look strange so I claimed to have the same name and that it was a coincidence.
Not me, but my wife's ex boyfriend once saw a huge line outside of Target and decided to get in the line because it had to be something great, right?
He gets to the front and it's the line to buy a Wii. He doesn't want a Wii. He doesn't play games. He doesn't even really have the money for a Wii right then. But what else was he going to do? Stand in like for 2 hours and then just walk off like a jackass at the front? People would stare and judge.
I was exiting a store when I was stopped by an old man who needed help going home with some boxes. My home was the other way, instead of saying that I was going the other way I told him my house was on is way. I help him and I was too embarrassed to go back to my house the same way so I keep going a block and turn to go for the backstreet so he can't see me. Sry for my awful English I really want to share that story
.
I go to university by train and I have a ~30 minute wait between arriving at the train station and departure, so I decided to get something to eat. I stroll down the shopping street and find a Chinese takeaway. I order some noodles and watch him packing up my order in a bag and I can clearly see that he forgets to include a plastic fork, but I don't say a word. I pay and leave the store without the plastic fork, because I have a master plan.
I seek out the nearest McDonalds because chances are that there are plastic forks for days, but much to my dismay, there were none on the counter. I queued up to ask for one and just before it was my turn, I get cold feet and leave, remaining forkless.
At this point I am considering just eating at home, but I still have a little fight left in me. I make a trip to the kebab guy and I see plastic forks on the counter from afar. "Nice, just sneak by and grab one" my brain commands. Alright, let's do this. I walk up to the counter, but I am the only guy there, so the lady behind it instantly asks for my order. I don't want to appear like a panhandler and just ask for a fork, so I order some fries:
"Big or small?"
"Uhm... big."
"With sauce?" (costs extra)
"Yeah, why not."
I pay, snag a plastic fork and leave with that burning feeling of failure in my chest. In addition to this, I am not hungry enough to eat both meals I got, so I go to the next homeless dude and beg that he takes the fries. He graciously accepts. I hand over the fries, say "I'm gonna need that fork for my noodles tho, sorry."
and leave. I catch my train and eat the noodles in shame, thinking about what just happened and unable to find a solution that would have prevented this ridiculous goose chase after a 1 cent plastic fork.
Pretended I was doing coke in a toilet cubicle in a club when I was actually having a poo
sinabimo ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:15:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super late but my SO just told me this and I'm in tears:
"I was at a social luncheon for a school I was about to attend. They had a buffet style and were serving whole, unpeeled shrimp. Immediately I pack only those on my plate, as nothing else looked good. As I'm talking to a group of other students, with the plate in one hand, I go to grab a shrimp to munch on. Realizing too late that the shrimp was unpeeled, I didn't want to look weird peeling shrimp in front of these people I was trying to get to know. So I just started eating the shrimp, peel and all. The guy who was talking in our group stopped mid-sentence and just stared at me. Everyone dispersed shortly after and I lost my appetite."
When my parents asked my girlfriend where her parents are from (back in the homeland) she gave the wrong city by accident. My parents always ask her about how things are there and she's kept up the lie for three years now since I think it's too late to change it.
Well this might not be the dumbest thing ever but today I got to my desk after a late meeting and tried to log in to my computer. I kept inputting my password which didnโt work and I got locked out. Five minutes later I realized that caps lock was on. I sit next to one of the most handsome guys in our building so I was way too embarrassed to call IT to unlock my account since he would hear the whole conversation. I just sat at my desk pretending I was reading a manual until I could head home. I donโt know why I leave my house sometimes.
Couldn't figure out how to get my friends shower to switch to the showerhead. Ended up on all fours trying to stick my body under the faucet. Went to turn it off and accidentally switched it to the shower. It was a little nub on the inside of the bath faucet.
When I flew to Germany from Canada I was too socially awkward to ask the guy sitting beside me to move, so I didn't go pee for the entire nine hour flight. There were no consequence other than having to pee really bad, but I'm pretty sure you can do actual damage doing that
Whenever I would catch the bus as a kid, when it came to my stop I would always wait for someone else to stand up first before I got off. I didn't want to get up too early and stand there like a noob and I didn't want to be the only person standing up and have everyone staring at me.
So if nobody got up at my stop well guess I am going to the next stop where someone hopefully does get up. Sometimes the stop before mine if someone got up I would just get off there. Just to be definitely close to where I needed to be. "Yep, this is my stop. I am normal like you folk. Yep, this is fine."
I was 19 and finishing a college art assignment. It was a cube with different pictures of me Iโd drawn as different dictatorsโ mug shots. I had just finished it in my den which is adjacent to the garage. All I needed to do was put a matte finish on it. So I put the cube on the top of my parents car and proceed to spray the it. When I removed it I noticed that there was a perfect matte outline of a square left on the roof of the car. To hide the evidence I just sprayed in the middle so it was just a mysterious matte patch of paint on the polished blue roof of the car. When they sold the car years later they had no idea what it was. The car dealer told them it was probably caused by bat poo.
yesterday i went out looking for something to eat, after walking for about thirty seconds i decided i wanted to go somewhere else, instead of turning around on the spot i walked 10 minutes around the block back to where i started. Because i didn't want to walk past the same cafes fall of people who just saw me going the other direction a few seconds ago like some maniac
I tell myself to do this when I go into a bathroom and do half the time. Most of the time it's fine, until some guy walks in and stands next to me. Then I stand there awkwardly, act like I peed and leave the bathroom.
Then I tell myself I will never use the urinal encase it happens again. I don't learn...
Im a urinal virgin. Im also a virgin, don't think they're related.
MrRieper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
VikyN ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 18:40:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I circled around the neighborhood, pretending that I arrived later when going to my crush's house instead of waiting for him in front of his house. I don't even know why I did it lol
I walked nearly 9 hours in the rain because I was too timid to take the bus. Amusingly enough, I was going somewhere to get a ride to somewhere even further away.
I'm a fast walker and when I realize I'm going the wrong direction I cross the road and go in the direction I need to avoid seeing all the people I just passed.
rrw0312 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:43:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of just being a normal person going to a bar by herself, I took a small notepad from the back of my car and a pen, and pretended to be an initial reviewer for Our state magazine, and just kindly told people I was sitting back taking notes for my editor on "the modern revival of bluegrass" to see if he was interested in turning it into a story. Nope didn't want to interview anyone, just having a beer and taking notes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:56:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom dropped me off at college on my first day because my car was in the shop. I didn't realize I left my phone and wallet in the passenger door until I went to call her to pick me up.
Instead of asking to use a phone from the thousands of other students surrounding me, I walked 7 miles home with all of my textbooks in 90 degree weather.
taycoug ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:50:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've ended up on a fake phone call for 15 minutes because I pretended to answer my phone to avoid saying hi to someone on campus.
On a first date I nervously chugged my 16 oz coffee in about a minute and a half. Then, in order to not arouse suspicion I spent the next two hours pretending to sip from an empty coffee cup.
I broke my arm freshman year of high school and when it came time to get the cast off the nurse came out with one of those cast-cutting saw things. She began cutting but was going wayyyy too deep and was actually cutting my arm. I was to awkward to say anything so I just sat there and let her cut up literally the whole length of my arm. When the cast finally came off I was bleeding and the nurse was confused as to why I didnt say anything.... Social awkwardness at its finest!
hiploser ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:14:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my mom is really socially awkward. Actually, I am too but this story is about her.
We went to Five Guys to get some burgers. We each get our orders and while I'm eating I notice she's taking really small bites and doesn't look like she's enjoying her food that much. I ask her if there's anything wrong with her burger and she just says "...its okay."
I grab it and take a look and the burger is pinker than pink on the inside. Almost red. I tell her to just take it back to the people at the counter and she insists that it's ok and she'll just eat it. So I'm like "um, no" and take it up for her. The people at the counter take one look at this basically raw burger and go "Oh my god! I'm so sorry we'll get you a new one".
So that's the story about how my mom risked getting bad food poisoning because she was too awkward to tell anyone her burger wasn't cooked through.
My first time drinking at a club, was about 16 years old (club was in Mexico so $20 all you can drink) and a dude asks to borrow my cigarette to light his. Me, being new to drinking and smoking, held mine in my mouth and leaned in instead of handing it to him. It still gives me shudders thinking about it. 16 year old me was dumb.
johntf ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 21:24:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If people working in shops I frequent start to recognise me as a regular, and acknowledge that in any way, I can never go to that shop again.
ITT: People as awkward as me... I..I've found my people... I'm finally home.ใฝ(ใโใ)ใ
sminnyc ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:30:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any time I get off a train too early, I don't go back in- I walk like I'm leaving the station and then go back when I hear the next train pulling in and get in that one. I know it's ridiculous and I know no one cares, BUT I DO
I am so late to this but I need to post it. First day of highschool, I just moved to Pennsylvania from New York. I am such a nervous and shy boy. I went to a very small school. You couldn't get lost if you tried. This highschool was giant. Could easily hold multiples of my old school. Well the day is cruising and I am making my way to my classes. However one class (I think History) was on the other side of the building. I get so turned around and lost, the bell rings so now I am late. Instead of asking anyone for help. I hide in the bathroom read the school map and camp out till my class starts. I just skipped that class and said fuck it I'll find it tomorrow.
K-Zoro ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:04:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I'm a little late but o have one. I'm in the 4th grade, pretty young. I have a crush on my classmate, she's a Chinese immigrant, as were many of my classmates in that neighborhood. I want to do something about my romantic feelings. Just watched Alladin for the 10th time and I got an idea. Next day at end of school day, I approach my crush,
Me: hi Christine, umm, do you know the alladin movie?
Girl: yeah?
Me: oh cool. I can sing the song you know.
I start to sing A Whole New World in its entirety with direct eye contact. I can see she is terribly uncomfortable and so am I, but I already started so o have to follow thru and sing the whole song.
After minutes of awkwardness, I finish the song. She says thanks and runs away. She never spoke to me again. Crimgiest moment of my life.
I was at a rave themed homecoming "dance" in highschool and everyone was in a giant crowd jumping up and down to the beat of the music, all except for me. For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to join in and jump up and down with them so I went to the bathroom and called my mom to pick me up only 20 minutes after the dance started. The car ride home was mostly silent.
It also didn't help that I had missed a couple of classes due to an illness, and then I didn't want to explain that to my classmates and teachers so I stopped going to classes which i had decent grades in.
I walked into class late. A movie was being projected up front and I didnโt want to walk in front of the screen and block peopleโs view for 1.2 seconds, so I walked to the side and loudly climbed over empty desks, tripping a long the way, to get to my normal seat.
Once when I was a kid I got lost and I found an elder couple, and instead of asking them to help me find my mom, I ask them to adopt me. I still remember the shock in their faces and my mom running toward me and my new parents.
I knew someone at work was getting in trouble (maybe fired?) when they went into the owner's office and shut the door. So, when I heard them opening the door to leave, I ran into the closest office and shut the door to avoid any sort of conversation. It was the new guy's office and he thought I was crazy for the rest of the time he worked there :(
I stayed locked in a bathroom stall for half an hour cause I realized I accidentally walked into the womens bathroom and didnt want to be seen by anyone
Put on an incredibly obnoxious fussy old man from Brooklyn accent anytime I had to ask for information over the phone and texting wasn't an option. I hate talking on the phone lol
End of a date in early highschool. Was time for a kiss at end of night. I moved in, chickened out, decided to high five her instead but accidentally highfived her face (not hard but my hand definitely touched her face).
I got on the wrong bus. So instead of riding it back to the starting point, I got off the last stop and tried to walk back to where I parked my car. I then discovered that to reach the parking lot, I would have to cross a busy road with no crosswalk and then cross train tracks. So I went back to the stop and rode back to get on the right bus.
Overall it took 1 and a half hours longer than it should have for me to get home.
badashly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You had to take a bus to get back to your car? Parking must be terrible ๐จ
I go to university but I don't live on campus. My school has a fleet of buses going around town on different routes and on the first day, I parked in a lot that was within walking distance of the campus but no bus stops were close to it. So I got on the wrong bus on my first day because the number of the route was close to the one that would have taken me closer to the lot.
After that, I learned to just park in the lot where the bus goes through. So much easier.
L3enjamn ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:47:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the wrong ski lift and rode it to the top of the mountain. Instead of riding it back down I learned how to snowboard by face planting back down the mountain.
First time i went over to my friends house, i was about 4 was quite shy, so as we are eating i didn't refuse anything i was offered, which meant i ended up eating 13 sausages in one sitting, this led to his parents thinking i loved sausages and for years whenever i went over to eat at their house i was served sausages.
er1252 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a summer camp and told people my name was Demetri because my real name is long, and folks kept mispronouncing it. Seemingly overnight I went from unpopular and insecure to gregarious and confident with the new Demetri persona. This went on for weeks and things were great. This was until my mom came to pick me up from camp one day and asked for me. They looked through their records and told her that that child (real me) had not signed in since the first week of camp. She was outraged and caused a scene that ended with her pointing me out and shouting "That's him rights there! That's Er1252!"
Things were getting heated and I finally had to reveal myself. The look of shame and disgust on the faces of my counselors and camp mates was tough to stomach. They were in disbelief as to why I would lie. After that, I was relegated to my old, insecure ways and became a loser again.
TL;DR I lied about my name at summer camp for a month and people found out. Almost got my mom in trouble. Embarrassed myself.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I left my laptop charger in class one time, so I came back a few hours later to the school building only find there was new class going on. Instead of me interrupting the class and having that awkward moment of other students staring at me while I make my way to get my charger, I just waited two hours outside by the hallway waiting for the class to finish.
When I'm in work and I can't remember if I've seen this person for the morning already, I tell them good morning again. Sometimes I end up telling the same person good morning many many times so I won't be seen as impolite.
Kylo-Wen ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:09:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting chicken and potato wedges at the local grocery store. I asked the guy for potato wedges, and he starts to put them in a bag and says "tell me when it's enough" but I didn't hear him. In the end, I have like all of the potato wedges in a giant bag, and the dude looks at me funny and says "is this good for you?" I was so confused, but my friends and the people in line got a real kick out of it. Instead of saying that's way too much, I took the giant bag of wedges and walked away.
I've got a great, great one for this. Maybe someone out there can learn something from my story.
I was in graduate school and was one half of the sound team on a big (film) production the entire (extremely competitive-to-get-into) class was involved in making. It was a big deal.
Well into the post production phase, we were to give a presentation in front of pretty much everyone - the entire 100+ student class plus some fairly high-ranking faculty. Who were mentoring us, and eagerly looking forward to seeing the trees of their efforts bear fruit that day.
Well, I woke up a bit late that morning to the tune of about 20 minutes. I immediately went full-tilt super panic mode, scrambled to get my ass down to the school as quickly as possible, finally showing up about 40 minutes late for class...
...and I just couldn't bring myself to open the door to the big theater classroom where I knew all eyes would be upon me, silently judging me for being so late. Like an idiot, I sat there, completely overwhelmed by fear and the feeling of sinking ineptitude, wanting desperately to open the door but scared to death of what awaited inside.
It wasn't until a full hour later that someone else walked by and opened the door...to a completely empty classroom. I had the entire day wrong. I was a full 22.5 hours early.
Two things never happened after that day. I was never late to anything important ever again (this is true), and I always, always, always immediately own a fuckup. It's just easier.
I rode my bicycle (don't own a car) several miles across town to make a dentist appointment in person at the office rather than do it over the phone because I fucking hate talking over the phone.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:32:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fell asleep on the school bus, when I woke up I looked outside and thought 'shit, it's my stop like now'. Go down, still a bit dazed. The doors open and suddenly I realise I am at least half an hour away from home with a dead phone... But rather than just saying what had happened, and face the laughter of the bus, I just got off and walked home.
I remember in high school accidentally passing my classroom door, and instead of just turning around and saving time. I walked all the way around the building and ended up being late by the time I got back around.
I work at a gym and whenever I check people in and give them a towel, I say to them "Have a good workout."
I would say 3 out of 5 people reply back with "Thanks you too."
Cracks me up every time.
KaraWolf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:40:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. I say it all the god damn time. I swear its officially a preprogrammed response. Gym, waiter, bus driver grocery clerk. Doesn't matter "thanks you too!" Working on it though by reprogramming with have a nice day. Another one I've found is : Can I help you with anything? "Yes"leaves
Back when I was a waitress I would say "enjoy your food!" And frequently got a "you too!" From people. Generally I said, super upbeat, "will do!" And walked off while they realized wha they said haha.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:15:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm really bad at small talk. I was going to work out with a buddy I didnโt know very well, and he asks me what workout I wanted to do. Not knowing what to say (we were at his house), and knowing full well it doesnโt work this way, I blurted out, โI donโt know, whatever is going to help my golf game this weekend.โ He looked at me with a totally straight face and goes, โWell, I donโt think youโll build muscle mass that fast. But we can do arms if you want.โ
Oh my gosh... this will probably get buried, but I have the best/worst story.
When I was 14 I was flying by myself from Hawaii to the east coast of the mainland to see family. I was seated in the window seat and a large, middle aged man was sitting in the aisle seat. It was a long flight and he fell asleep.
Well, in my excitement to be flying, I'd been loading up on sodas while I waited for boarding and several during the flight. So, basically, I had to pee super bad. But this man was sleeping really hard. I tried coughing, shifting around in my seat, but nothing woke him up. Obviously I wasn't going to tap his shoulder and ask him to let me up.
So (I'm cringing so hard right now), I braced one hand on the headrest in front of us and one hand on his headrest and tried to sneakily hoist myself over his lap. But, of course, that was harder than I thought and the movement woke him up.
There I am, like a pretend gymnast on the parallel bars, with my legs sticking out in front of me into the aisle, my butt dangling directly over his lap, and my face and boobs each about 6 inches from his face, and -omg- his eyes opened. I was horrified. Even worse, I was still stuck dangling there. So, while he stared at me in shock, I swung myself back and then thrust my hips as hard as I could and tumbled into the aisle. The poor man was probably mortified with how close my butt was to his lap and my boobs were to his face.
I'm pretty sure I stayed in the bathroom for like an hour playing solitaire on my iPod nano to avoid facing my shame. You can imagine how awkward it was when I finally emerged and had to sit next to him for a few more hours... out of all the awkward moments in my life, this is probably the only story I've never told anyone!! I'm 25 and I still hate being stuck in a window seat because I'm so afraid the person in the aisle seat will fall asleep.
I am so glad I'm not the only one who has done this!! I agree, part of me died, too. I legitimately haven't even told my husband this story because it's so embarrassing.
I don't think that's a sign of being awkward, I think that is more of a sign of you wanting to make sure how you come across is as you prefer.
I do it pretty often.
Humans have an identity they sell, and an identity that is who they are, and they will try their hardest to sell you long before ever showing you the original.
When I was younger I had a friend stay over and we both slept in my bed. I peed the bed and it soaked her too. She woke up in the morning and thought it was her that wet the bed. I never told her it was me and we're still friends to this day.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:36:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school I sat in the wrong class and noticed it quite quickly, but instead of stating that I was in the wrong class, I got up and said "I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE" and busted out. I have no idea, some kind of teenage double-bluff I guess. A guy I know who was in the class still laughs about it.
e: He also usually tells that the teacher was very, VERY confused about it afterwards. Poor teacher.
I wanted to open up my bag of potato chips, but I was in a library studying and didnโt want to disrupt the handful of people who were in there too. I developed my battle plan; opening the bag as slow as possible would keep the noisiness of its crumpling and tearing down.
Needless to say, it did not work. Not only was the opening of said bag as loud as it would have been if I had just opened it at normal speed, but it was also dragged out - for a solid FOUR MINUTES.
I looked around, noticing a small audience of heads turned towards me to see what had happened. I realized my mistake, but I wasnโt finished yet.
My next objective was to eat the potato chips with minimal crunching. I figured that just because my tactic of slowing down hadnโt worked with opening the bag didnโt mean that it would fail me in chewing potato chips.
I slowly pulled a chip out of the bag, creating another disruptive crinkling noise. Then, I placed the chip in my mouth and chewed slowly: ...... CRUUUUUNNNNNNCH.... ... ........... CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCHHHHHH.... ...... ........... CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNCH.
Tension filled the air around me.
This plan had failed me too! I then figured I could just let the chips melt in my mouth, but before I could put this plan into action, a librarian came up behind me.
โNo eating in this library,โ the sudden female voice spoke behind me. I shrieked (I am a very jumpy individual), picked up my study materials, and left, forgetting to grab the bag of chips in the process.
Side note: My phone kept trying to change โchipsโ to โchildbearingโ and I have never been more confused.
Edit: Minor spelling error
xllcyllx ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 18:08:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew I was being hit on by the pizza delivery girl, but at the same time knew I was too dumb to know the "right" thing to do, so I let her go. I hope she doesn't think it was her, cuz she was cute, I'm just retarded
Part of why I'm still single. I have NO idea how to flirt. I think I've gotten maybe a little better, but for the most part if I like someone I usually talk to everyone around them and just sort of...ignore them? Maybe say one or two sentences to the person of no consequence. Or say something stupid. I think I've always been this way, and somehow it was more charming when I was a teenager. Now that I'm in my early 30's and a single parent, it's probably just awkward and sad.
One time while studying abroad I missed the last train back to my host family's house. Rather than call or text them at this hour to try and explain what happened and what I need, and too poor to afford a cab, let alone explain where I need to go, I decided to just walk home.
The route's only like 20 minutes by train, and it's a pretty straight shot out the window, so, it's probably fine.
Turns out what's straight for a train is NOT straight for a human, and further, walking along the tracks isn't allowed in Japan. Google says that if I knew the way it should've taken about 2.5 hours to walk it, but I don't know the way, and don't have Google on my phone (on account of it being 2004).
About 7 hours later I've arrived home as the sun's going up, and my shoe's blown out, and I could sleep for days but only have a few hours before I gotta be right back to school.
Slydruid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:59:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in elementary school I used the sink as the urinal. It was a big half circle with a foot rail around the bottom to turn it on. I had never seen one before and when I walked into the bathroom I thought โthatโs weird that they put the urinal RIGHT in front of the doorโ.
lifesok ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:21:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I asked a guy out I was 22. I sat in my car 20 minutes practicing what I was going to say. I walk in and start up a conversation then cooly say "hey, do you think you would want to get coffee sometime?" He said he was married but thanks anyways. I burst into tears and ran out, I also never went into that store again.
Waited for a train for 30 minutes, just too realise I was standing on the wrong side of the station. Instead of just walking over 3 meters to the other side. I decided to go to the kiosk upstairs, get some food, and return 3 minutes later. So I was sure people wouldn't recognize me.
I guess for some reason one time my little brother took a dump in the shower, not even down the drain or anything. We were like 6 and 8 so we got in to shower together, when he "noticed" that there was a turd in the corner. I wasn't terribly grossed out, I'd just stand under the water away from that corner, but our dad came in and was really disgusted. He asked who did it and neither of us owned up, so he said that we wouldn't get dinner until one of us confessed.
I owned up to it because I was hungry and now my family jokes about it all the time. Nobody but me and my brother know it was actually him
tldr - First ever college class, went to wrong class, announced my error, and then proceeded to stay until the end.
I went to the right classroom, but at the wrong time. I was a little nervous anyway so I leaned over and asked the person to my left in this was, in fact, [course] and he said yes, so that put me at ease. It was the right course, but then the professor walked in and was a woman instead of a man, but I thought "maybe she's just filling in for the day". But nope, the syllabus came around and her name was on it. So now I'm freaking out, and it's time to get to know everyone (my favourite -_- ).When everyone was introducing ourselves, my "interesting fact" was that I was pretty positive that I was in the wrong class, and then I just sat there and stayed there for the full hour.
When I started a new job with a ton of other new employees our training class did an ice breaker called Two Truths, One Lie. As you can guess, we had to tell two true things and one lie and the group had to guess what the lie was. When it was my turn I completely blanked and ended up telling three lies. My coworkers even kept mentioning them to me. It was months later that I finally caved and told them the truth.
I used to walk miles home from school every day back in middle school, even though there was a bus that went right into my neighborhood. I was always nervous about talking to people or even worse, getting on the wrong bus. If I had ever gotten on the wrong bus I probably would have just stayed on it cause I wouldn't wanna tell the bus driver to let me out.
briseiis ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:00:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was peeing in a bathroom stall when an elderly women began rattling the door, trying to open my stall. Instead of saying "in here!", I continued to quietly sit on the toilet, hoping she would leave after figuring out someone was in there. Turns out this lady would not quit, for the next 5 minutes she continued to violently shake the stall door, probably thinking it was jammed. I still did not say anything..at this point it was too late and it would've been weird to speak out now. Even after I finished peeing ,this woman was STILL trying to open the door, I sat on the toilet for what seemed like a year waiting for her to give up. On her final attempt to open the stall she used the last of her strength and ended up pulling the stall door so hard (using her feet from under the stall), she broke the lock. The door swung open and revealed me. The worst part is once we made eye contact I just said "sorry."
The girl I had a massive crush on lived in the same building as me, but I could not summon the courage to talk to her or even be within 20 feet of her without a sudden bout of mushmouth. One day I was cooking KD as a midnight snack, but had no milk. I don't know about the rest of you but I can't make KD without milk. I was far too lazy to put on real clothes, and the corner store was literally on the corner of my street, about 10 meters from my complex door. I was wearing TMNT boxers, and a t-shirt. I figured no one was up at this time and those that were would not care. I dashed to the local Macs, grabbed my bag of milk, and dashed back, only to my horror to see my crush in the lobby of the building by her lonesome. I could not let her see me like this and the back entrance hallway led to stairs that were within eye shot of the lobby. I waited by the doors hoping she would eventually enter the elevator and go to her room. But she didn't. To this day I don't know what the fuck she was doing, but I felt this intense anger that she couldn't be doing it somewhere else. Outside it seemed like an hour had passed. It was cold and I was at risk of having my peepee freeze and break off. In a sudden flash of brilliance I remembered there was a fire escape on the side of the building. The counterbalance ladder was quite a bit out of reach, but my years of watching parkour videos on Youtube had embolden me. I took a running start and kicked off the wall and took hold of the first rung. Unfortunately it was early October and a nice coating of dew had deposited itself on said rung. My hands slipped, and my feet, from the momentum, kicked up over my torso, and I landed head first on the pavement knocking myself out. I was found the next morning with my peepee hanging out.
Shopping for a Christmas gift for me, she goes to Macy's. Picks up a shoe from a display to look at it when a sales rep walks up and asks her what size she needs. Impulsively tells the rep my shoe size, even though she doesn't want the shoe she's currently holding. When the rep comes back with the shoe, gf is too embarrassed that she didn't stop the rep from going to get it that she buys the shoes she didn't want.
She went back to Macy's the next day to return them. The same sales rep processed the return.
Thank you thread for making me remember this horror story.
I was in university at the time and working the evening shifts at a Subway. I really enjoyed the job and chatting / ragging on customers. I was one of those types of employees that you remember serving you and go back to for the enjoyment.
This also made me a bit of a flirt.
Over the course of several months I got pretty friendly with this cute girl. She let slip that she had a boyfriend, but still proceeded to flirt. Many visits later she comes in sad. I take my break with her and find out they broke up.
I'm a nice guy, so I don't pounce immediately. I let her know that if ever she needed to talk or hang out with somebody to take her mind off it, she knew where to get a hold of me. The smile I got said that she would be taking me up on that.
Shortly after I decide to go skiing with friends at one of our local hills (living in Vancouver). The only way to the top is via gondola, and being a tourist trap it could be pricy. Me being a poor student figured I'd save $10 by saying I'm a student (high school).
Get to the gate, and it's her!
Her face lights up at the surprise and laughs at the role reversal. A brief chat (people waiting) and I tell her the fare I want. I was nervous at this point because I've never been the most confident with girls (ever in the friend zone), but figured what the hell, eh?
I ask her if she'd like to go out. Grab a dinner or coffee.
Her eyes drop.
"I'd like to, but... I think I'm a bit too old for you."
I ask her how old she is and she replies 22. No problem I think. I'm 23! And then I remember my clever ruse to save $10. Oh god! She thinks I'm 16 years old.
Rather than confess my idiotic plan and tell her my real age, I reply a weak "Oh...okay..." and walk-of-shame my way to the gondola. Our eyes meet one last time and we sadly wave goodbye.
I never saw her again.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:47:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
valkea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:47:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shiiit. I hope you eventually got to sleep with Kelly!
e3crazyb ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:01:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a college halloween party at this frat house, and at around midnight i got way too drunk and puked off the porch in the front yard in front of a bunch of people. Embarrassed as ever i went to leave out the back door still feeling schwasted and when i got to the back porch there were people everywhere on the porch and stairs and instead of asking people to move i decided to jump the railing, i caught my foot on it as i went to jump over and landed face first on the ground in front of about 40 college kids. I just screamed WHOOOOOOO!!!! and walked away.....
I couldn't remember the word "Prosecco" to ask for assistance finding 'bubbly wine', and couldn't find any in the wine shop. I didn't want it to look like I was casing the joint, so to act like I was confident in my choices I bought a $30 bottle of Merlot (I don't like Merlot) and I've never gone back to that shop.
There was one time when I started my period at community college and instead of just asking a fellow classmate if I could bum a tampon, I walked a mile to a grocery store to buy a box.
Because my brain hates me, I have a weird fear of making phone calls. I screwed up on my car insurance and owed $500+ unless I did something like send in my past grades to get a discount. Instead of being a normal human being and calling the school to send over the transcripts, I found a way to send them by ordering them online from the school board in that county.
Apparently they never got my transcripts and now I have to call and do all of this again. I wasted $8 and cried a lot to have it all wasted. Life is gr8.
Once, shortly after moving into my first house with some friends-of-friends as roommates, I was pretty hungry and could hear people talking and laughing in the livingroom. Rather than face walking out there and saying hi, grabbing some of my food from the kitchen, and going back to my room, I climbed out the window and walked 2 miles to the nearest gas station and bought a sandwich.
Shortly thereafter, I got a mini-fridge for my room. Problem "solved."
I really want a mini fridge and microwave for my desk at work to minimize my interactions with others.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to have friends over for book group when I was 11-12 and I mostly hid in my room while they were there (I guess I was awkward enough as it is). If I wanted anything from the kitchen I had to pass through the room they were all sitting in. To avoid acknowledging anyone, I would sprint from my room on the 2nd floor straight to the kitchen cabinet and then all the way back, assuming they just wouldnโt notice, but of course, they did since they had eyes and ears.
I walked into the gym to run around the indoor track. I saw a guy that I just started dating playing basketball on the courts that sit in the middle of the track.
Instead of being normal and doing my workout, I was too concerned with looking like a loser while I run. I left the gym and walked 20 minutes to the other gym on campus.
In high school my crush asked me out and I literally thought he was joking so I kind of weirdly laughed it off and was like โhaha yeah suuuuuure.โ He looked really confused and kinda half laughed it off and walked away and then and only then did I realize what I had just done and I totally donโt lay awake at night cursing myself and my stupidity and social ineptitude
AgroTGB ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:54:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Showed up 5 minutes too later for class, went back home to avoid 10 seconds of embarrassment.
In Year Eight, I had an Art teacher who kept calling me Daniel... my name doesn't even begin with D and there was no Daniel in my class, but this woman kept calling me Daniel (she sent a bit of paper round for us to sign and then she'd fill it in on a computer while we painted). I was too worried about embarrassing her to correct her so for 2 years I was called Daniel. I'm in 6th Form now and even when she sees me she calls me Daniel and it's just gone on too long to correct her now without it being so soul-crushingly awkward
Professional rock climber Alex Honnold started free soloing ( climbing without a rope, harness, or safety gear) because he was too socially awkward to ask people to belay him
I'm probably too late, but after I started a new job I always went to take my break at the same cafรฉ since I didn't know anything else around so after a while the staff recognized me. One day the barista gave me a free coffee and I never went back after that. Free coffee is great and that was super nice of him but it didn't outweigh the horror of having to make small talk from then on.
During second year of University for my Media Arts degree, I accidentally walked into the wrong lecture theatre which was for a third year psychology class. I awkwardly sat through the whole thing and looked up the lecture notes for the one I was meant to attend later on.
It was my first day of 7th Grade. During those days, the junior high schools were 7th-9th. To acclimate kids to junior high, 7th graders started school several days before the older kids. I was registered for mostly 8th grade level classes and so when I arrived to most of my classrooms, the doors were locked and no class in session. Rather than report to the office to figure things out, I wandered the halls aimlessly for days until the 8th/9th graders reported to school.
Started dating a gal who lived in a studio apartment. One night my bowels were filled with turmoil and I didn't want to release hell with her right outside the bathroom. Walked a mile or two to the train station because nothing was open that had a toilet. The train station stalls cost money to get into (I'm guessing so the junkies can't get in?), and all I had was bills. So then I had to explain to the florist at the train station why I needed change. Best shit of my life.
I once accidentally walked into an IHOP, next door to Culver's (where I really wanted to eat). I had my head down, looking at my phone between assignments at work, so I wasn't really paying attention. I walk in and the lady asks "how many?" I freeze, realizing I'm not in Culver's.
I sat alone in IHOP eating chicken fingers because it was too awkward to tell her I walked into the wrong restaurant.
So many to choose from...
Spent a night on a picnic table to avoid inconveniencing anyone.
Waited enormous lengths of time for people who are extremely late and not mentioning it or pretending I just arrived as well.
Walking till my feet bled to do a favour.
Worst of all, I'll be single forever because I can't tell compliments from flirts so I basically ignore both and keep my head down....
I was driving back from the beach with my first serious boyfriend and his friend. I had to pee for 4 hours straight but was too embarrassed to ask them to pull over. Every single rest stop sign I saw I would try to pep myself up to ask, never happened. I don't know why I was so embarrassed, he had peed in a porta potty right before we got in the car. That was a long, painful ride.
Twwoo39 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:32:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a high rise and several of us leave around the same time (itโs not shift work so we can leave whenever). If I approach the elevator and someone is already there, theyโll ask โare ya headed out?โ Iโm like, nope pretty soon, just going to grab (office supplies). This has happened multiple times on the same day. I do have plenty of pens, paper clips, staples, and notepads at my desk, just in case anyoneโs wondering!
DJMu3L ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:52:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took a shit in my friends garden because I was too awkward to wait for our parents to get home
Saw an old friend from middle school at the train station. He was on the other side of the tracks and I didn't want to yell across to say wuddup and he didn't want to do it either so we ended up catching eye contact multiple times and idk it doesn't seem bad but I still remember it years later.
The_Blog ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:57:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my first day in 5th grade in a new school I walked to my classroom and noticed they had these weired door handles in the corridors leading to the complex. I didn't know how to open them and the door won't budge. I started panicking and running around the campus looking for another way. However all doors had this weird new handle thing.
So instead of asking someone I awkwardly waited around the corner till someone came by and opened it. Then I came around the corner and tried acting natural (aka sweaty and with a panicked look on my face) and move through with them, thanking them for holding the door open. Though when I tried to say something my throat was so dry I didn't get a word out and I just started coughing. The teacher who helped me through became really concerned with my health. That I got Asthma and no inhaler. Once I recovered I thankfully declined and moved on to my classroom.
When I finally got to my classroom I was 30 minutes late and nobody believed me. Btw. in the end you just needed to pull the door, I had pushed it the whole time. ._.
_eclair ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:00:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was playing on the monkey bars at school when I fell and landed on my wrist. I was about 8 years old and I remember it being excruciating painful. Turns out I broke my wrist. A teacher saw me holding my arm and visibly upset and asked if I was okay. My friend was with me too and for some reason I told the teacher we were acting. She walked off and I went the whole day not being able to move my wrist/hand. As soon as my mom picked me up from school I told her and she was like โwhat the hell is wrong with youโ and drove me to the ER.
Somebody waved goodbye to me and I waved with both hands. I'm still embarrassed.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:28:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a current one. I have my own office but my office bathroom is shared with my coworker whose office is next to mine. I love my in-office bathroom but I never use it because I'm super paranoid that my coworker can hear me pee. So, instead, I go all the way down to the first floor (from the sixth floor) to use this tiny bathroom that nobody ever uses. At least then I know that my coworker can't hear me pee and that students won't come into the bathroom and hear me pee.
Xalgenos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me so much of that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshal has anxiety about pooping at his work
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:46:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just this morning, in the parking garage. I pretended there was something wrong with my steering wheel cause I parked crooked and there were people coming in for work all around me. I waited till it was empty and re-parked my car.
During the first night of my compulsory military service (Finnish) I was really anxious and was determined to get a good night of sleep; therefore I resorted to wearig earplugs to make sure I wouldn't hear any disturbing noise.
However, being too excited, I pushed the earplug (foam type) through the "bottleneck" of my ear so that it got actually stuck there... without hope of getting it out by hand
So, the normal guy would have shrugged it off and gone to the nurse in the morning so the plug could be removed with pincers or something. But it was the first day and I did not want to get reputation as the awkward guy of our platoon.
I spent the night panicking and trying to get it out of my ear tunnel without waking the others. Fortunately, after about 6 hours of scooping with my foot locker key I managed to remove it. By this point it was 4 am, and staying up coupled with slight panicking had taken their toll. Needless to say, with only 2 hours of sleep I was the least aware and most clumsy person during our platoon's first ever drill session...
Yruama ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to fill my car with gas, but when I chose the wrong gas pistol, I put it back to choose the right one. The problem is that when you put it back you have to put your credit card again in the card reader to start the process again. But I didn't know that. So when I took the right gas pistol nothing came out of it. Since someone was waiting in the queue to fill it's car and that I didn't want him to see me struggle, I basically pretended I was filling my car for some time and then drove away, without having filled my car.
baftap ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:47:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really young (like 5 or 6) my mum said I could have one sweet before doing homework. I was so excited that I accidentally ate the wrapper and put the sweet in the bin. I didn't want to let her win, so I kept chewing.
One of my teachers had a good one. Staying abroad in Germany, he arrived home late from a night of heavy drinking and found the door to his host house locked. Not wanting to wake them up, he simply went to sleep on the cold, concrete garage floor...In the middle of German winter. Apparently when they found him in the morning he was cold, blue, and shivering.
There was students coughing in an exam to distract each other and I actually needed to cough. Instead of looking like I was joining in, I did the most over the top cough/gag ever and everyone just turned round and stared at me and the exam officer came and stood right by me
Drediat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:58:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I locked myself outside of my school's environmental science building and inside it's garden. Instead of knocking on the door and asking the people 10ft away to let me back in, I waited an hour so people would forget I was out there and climbed the fence to get out.
evancfc ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:31:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is long past prime-time but this describes my life so much that I have to share at least one moment.
It's dumb, but I'm really bad at buying things that I feel like the person register might judge me for. I know that a lot of them don't even notice, but it's just a thing of mine.
So one day a couple years ago, when I played RuneScape a lot, I go to buy a RuneScape card at a pharmacy store (not something I did often, only one time before that). I wasn't really into the idea of people knowing that I played RS, so I thought in my head "If they ask about it, I'm going to say I'm buying it for my cousin." This was strongly reaffirmed when I saw that the girl at the cash register was pretty cute.
I give the card to her to ring up, hoping to everything that she doesn't say anything about it. Sure enough, she was a friendly person and says "Is this a game you play online or something?" Fuck. I didn't think she would actually say anything about it, so I was caught off guard and my lie of 'buying it for my cousin' came out super awkwardly and therefore unconvincingly. She asked me yet another question after that, and I felt so uncomfortable still lying about it that I stumbled hard over my response. To top the awkwardness off, I said "see ya later" as I was walking away, probably leaving her to think what I meant by "later."
I could've avoided all of this by just owning the fact that I played it.
I've told this before I think, but I was on holiday in Paris a few years back. No breakfast at the hotel, but there was an amazing little patisserie next door. The first two days I got some amazing pain au chocolat.
For some reason, going there three days in a row seemed...unreasonable/unacceptable to me, because the staff would notice and maybe talk shit to me/about me. So on the third day, I instead dragged my poor girlfriend off in another direction thinking we would find something else. But nope, it was a Sunday, and nothing was open. So for a few incredibly fraught hours we walked around getting increasingly hangry.
At one point we found a Hungarian restaurant, but they weren't really open yet and there was no breakfast food on there. Paid 15 euro for two cups of orange juice then made some lame excuse and resumed our trek.
After goodness-knows how long we did find somewhere selling baguettes, but the day was pretty much fuckin' ruined. All because I thought a baker would somehow judge us for going three days in a row.
In the gym, dude changing in front of my locker so I pretended to look in other lockers while I waited for him to change and leave. He took a very long time and I ended up looking in all the lockers, he asked if I was trying to find something and I said my bag is missing. Couldn't get my bag for 10 minutes so I sat on my iPod (old non working iPhone) And pretended to ask my friend if he moved it.
When I was younger, I was on an RP website and pretended I was English thinking "there's no way I'll ever see these people in person, so what's the harm?" Several years pass and now I have a best friend and bf on this site, both who think I'm English. I wrote each a letter to reveal my lie and that I had let it go on so long because I felt like it would've been too awkward to admit sooner.
I was a first year in college changing in my room when I heard one of my roommates use her keycard to start coming in. It didn't even occur to me that I could warn her I was naked so I just jumped into our closet.
It was a tiny closet with no light and I couldn't get dressed without making noise so I just tried to wait it out but apparently she had brought friends!!! So I began my extremely unwanted naked eavesdrop mission. They were chatting for a while until they decided to get dinner and I thought I had earned my freedom.
THEN I hear "lemme just grab my coat" as she starts walking towards the closet [INSERT PANIC] & I basically bang my hand against the door and go "I'm uh... in here" which of course meant that everyone stopped talking and left the room and never brought it up to me again.
The worst part is that she would probably never even believe the truth if I told her because we had a very nude friendly room and had all seen each other naked. My only excuse is that I'm just very prone to panic.
In high school, there was an English class that required us to get a normal textbook and a workbook of problems. I forgot to get a workbook at the beginning of the year, but by the time I realized it was already halfway through the semester. I chose to just fail every assignment from that workbook instead of just admitting I hadn't picked it up, and the teacher never questioned it.
I'm on my stomach getting acupuncture, and not able to move my arms because of the pins, and my nose starts running... through the face hole of the massage table onto the floor. Only my snot is just perfectly viscous enough that it just slowly, slowly stretches and doesn't even hit the floor. It's just hanging there. I'm paralyzed with fear.
The acupuncturist comes back into the room to ask if everything is ok, but doesn't see my problem. I just can't find the words - it's too involved (if I ask for a tissue, how will I even use it? Will she have to wipe it for me... etc.) it's too much. So I ignore it and try to lie there and block it out, even though I'm getting so uncomfortable and want to wipe my nose so bad.
Finally acupuncturist comes back again, notices and I'm mortified. She put a tissue in my hand and rearranged my arm so I could wipe the now like foot-long snot trail hanging from my face.
hoogar33 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:17:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to take a 3 hour train ride. It was late November or early December, not sure exactly. Now, the thing with trains that I take is they are really old, yet they are really, really warm during the cold months. A bit too warm, as I usually sweat while wearing short sleeves. Anyway, I got on the train, and entered a crowded wagon, so I kept walking, hoping I would find a less crowded one. Not only did I find a nearly empty wagon, but it was also cold. "Sweet!", I thought to myself, "No people and no sweating! Yay! Must be this empty because the heating probably died here". I sat there, and the conductor came soon to check the tickets. After checking some people's tickets, they all left the wagon, except for one guy. So the conductor finally comes to me and asks me for my ticket. I hand it to him and he tells me to move to a different wagon as the heating is out on this one. "Don't worry", I said, "I like it here, I'm good." and then he left.
All this happened barely 15 minutes in. The only other guy who stayed on the cold wagon got off the train soon and I was left alone in that huge ass freezing metal coffin on rails. 30 minutes into my 3 hour ride, I realized "Fuck, it really is cold in here. Maybe I should go to a wagon with heating..." And then I remembered I told the conductor I liked it there, so my dumb ass somehow came to a conclusion that nearly getting frostbite was better than moving to a warmer wagon just because of what I said to the conductor.
I can be such a fucking idiot at times.
tl;dr: I was freezing my ass off for 3 hours because I didn't want to move to a warmer spot, just because I told the conductor I liked the cold.
I was at a sleepover when I was 14/15 and got my period. I was wearing white jeans, and since it only seeped through a little, no one could tell if I just pressed my legs together. Luckily, I had a pair of bright pink booty shorts that I had brought to sleep in, so I just changed into those as fast as I could. When everyone was asleep, I snuck out into the laundry room with my jeans and gave it a good wash. I then proceeded to hang them out to dry with the existing clothes on the clothesline, thinking it wouldn't be that suss. In the morning, I went out to collect my jeans and all the clothes had been taken down by my friend's dad. I was too embarrassed to ask for my jeans back or tell my friend I had gotten my period, so I ate breakfast with my friend's family, thanked her parents, and took a one hour train trip back home all in fucking neon pink booty shorts.
For an entire semester I let an ENTIRE lecture hall class call me Colleen. My name is Erin. One girl misheard me in day one, introduced me as that name to her group of friends. And so my life as Colleen began.
My landlord lives right next to us. He called my wife the wrong name and we never corrected him... It's been about two years now and we talk every day.
When I was in second grade, my desk had no chair at it. Instead of being a normal human, I decided to fake sit on air as if there was an actual chair beneath me.
I was sick and had that cough where you need to cough every 5 min. I had coughed so much in my math class I decided I should stop annoying everyone and try to hold it in... 15 min later I had to cough sooo badly but kept holding it in. Then a sneeze started coming on while I was choking on my cough. I coughed and sneezed at the EXACT same time. (No, not one after the other.) It was such a strange and terrible feeling, like my head was exploding. The lecture stopped and the class went silent, a few kids asked me if I was "ok". I was not. I have no idea what sound I made but it did not sound like a sneeze or a cough but more like a pig being slaughtered. I was mortified and coughed regularly again after that.... High school sucked
khendar ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:00:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought a $3 tackle box from the hardware store. On the way out to the car I noticed that the latch was broken and wouldn't stay closed. Used that broken box for years because I didn't want to have to deal with going back in to exchange it .
Our next door neighbors installed a backyard floodlight that shines across their yard and right at our bedroom window. At first I thought of asking them to adjust the angle like a normal person but it's been 7 years and we just keep the blind closed.
One time I went into Pet CO. just to use the bathroom and when I was leaving the automatic doors weren't opening. I backed up, walked forward, hopped a little, and they still weren't opening. So I stepped to the side and took my phone out (and tried to look busy on it even though I was just playing 2048) and waited until somebody else tried to leave the store so I could see what they would do. I stood there for like 8 minutes until finally a pair of people who had just finished checking out walked through the automatic doors adjacent to the ones I was trying to use.
after accidentally taking a shit in a broken toilet, i spent 4 hours at a dinner party meticulously guarding the door before eventually lifting the turd out of the toilet (onto a bed of toilet paper) with some fireplace tools i found in an adjacent room, then stuffing it deep into a trashcan in the kitchen.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:05:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:18:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but she said it'd be too many people.
Yeah that probably means she just didn't want you there to begin with. That's horrible that they didn't even let you come back inside to wait for your mother.
I went through 5th-12th grade never eating hot lunch. I forgot my PIN number in 5th grade, so that was the first year. 6th grade rolls around I relearn my pin # but was too full of anxiety to go through the line, I didn't want to fuck up when everyone else already had a year of experience. Every year it got worse, to the point where I didn't even realize there was a problem.
The first time I ever walked up to a band after a club show I was extremely awkward and tripped over my words and said to this up and coming band
"You need to come back when you're better"
I meant "bigger" but the words were out there. The band gave me the look of utter disgust and the lead singer looked pissed.
I tried to retract but it wasn't happening and I walked away feeling really embarassed.
The band? Limp Bizkit.
In hindsight it was possibly the coolest thing I ever did.
bkr4f ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was too embarrassed to correct someone when they introduced me to a group as a visitor from Scotland and spent the next 2 years switching on a fake accent when I encountered any of the people in clubs.
Awkward 19 year old me got asked out by hot 30 year old barrista way back in the day. She took me to a movie and dinner at a bar then invited me back to her place.
You can guess what happened next ;)
That's right. I made awkward, totally oblivious conversation for ten minutes before "welp, I better get going"ing my way home.
Poor girl. She had to have been so confused.
ArcKade ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:23:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been with my wife for 5 years, been married for two. I've never once called her parents by their name. Or mom or dad. Or anything.
I worked at a law firm that had office space shared with a much larger firm. The office was on the fourth floor. Whenever anyone was waiting for the elevator, I would take the stairs. Sometimes I would run up to see if I could beat the elevator (stupid, I know).
One day the partner of the larger firm is waiting for the elevator with a group of people, so I take the stairs. I ran as fast as I could to see if I could beat the elevator, I didn't and he is walking in right in front of me. I am hoping that he doesn't notice me because I am out of breath, and I imagine a little red. We enter the reception area and the receptionist greets both of us, he turns, "You got up here really fast, did you run!?" My reply (obviously out of breath), "No, I walked." Then I proceeded to awkwardly walk passed him and the receptionist without saying another word.
Felt really dumb, just happy he wasn't my boss.
I was finally meeting my other halfs friends for the first time. This is his best friend in the whole world and another close friend. I've worked myself up and am so nervous I can't really think straight. All I keep thinking is I need to make a good impression because I love my then boyfriend.
His friend comes up and smiles and says his name and asks how I am liking the UK. I turn bright red and blurt out "I'm so awkward". I straight up shouted this at him. It was mortifying and I don't know why those words came out. I didn't say anything else for like an hour after that.
Luckily the friends found it endearing and not thinking I'm a complete weirdo.
layoxx ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:57:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In an elementary school assembly I tied my shoelaces to the opposite shoe, essentially tying my feet together, because I was bored. I tied the knots too tight and spent several minutes panicking and trying to untie my shoelaces before the end of the assembly.
I didn't.
Since I was very quiet and well behaved (read: freaking out) I got called on to fetch something from the classroom for the rest of the classes. I have no idea how I faked being able to walk normally out of the cafeteria, or if the teacher was just mean and wanted to laugh at a kid that couldn't walk right (probably). I got out of the cafeteria and then couldn't make it to the classroom because my fucking feet were tied together. So I hid in a nearby bathroom. I didn't know how to admit to a teacher that I had tied my feet together and for all I knew I was trapped that way from then on.
I refused to come out of the bathroom because I was too scared of being found out (what). A teacher found me, started yelling at me for ditching my responsibility of getting whatever it was from the class, but couldn't get me out of the bathroom. I figured, getting in trouble for being bad was better than telling an adult I had fucking tied my feet together
They called my mom, who assumed I was acting out because she was divorcing my father, and not that I had tied my feet together. She made me go to therapy to work through my feelings about the divorce.
I had forgotten all about all of it until a few months ago when my mom and I were talking about the whole divorce and how it affected my childhood. She reminded me of all of it, and asked about what set off the whole freakout.
At 30 years old I still could not tell my mother that I had simply tied my fucking feet together
This story by Douglas Adams is possibly the best example of British awkwardness I have ever heard:
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person is me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. Iโd gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table. I want you to picture the scene. Itโs very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Hereโs the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. Thereโs a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didnโt look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. Thereโs nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies. You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you knowโฆ But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do aclue in the newspaper, couldnโt do anything, and thought, What am I going to do?
In the end I thought Nothing for it, Iโll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadnโt because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. โExcuse me, I couldnโt help but noticeโฆโ I mean, it doesnโt really work.
We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and st back.
A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies. The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy whoโs had the same exact story, only he doesnโt have the punch line.
I was in a shopping mall by myself. In front of an electronic store, a person's back was facing me. I recognized it as a good friend. So I tapped him on the shoulder and said 'hi!'.
The guy turned around. It was not my friend. I was going to apologize, but the guy proceeded to say 'hey, what a coincidence!'.
I was surprised. But the guy started to look a little familiar. Maybe he was indeed someone from work or somewhere. So I proceeded to say 'yeah' and went into a small talk, shoot the shit routine, while trying to frantically recall who this guy was!
I think a few minutes in, we both realized we didn't know each other. We both looked visibly confused, but politely continued on with our meaningless small talk. The moment of revealing our own mistake and apologizing has long passed. We were forced to carry on our awkward conversation with each other for what seemed like eternity.
Finally, there was a long pause. And we said, 'nice seeing you!' and 'hope to see you around sometime!'. And we parted ways never to see each other again.
Lihai ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:15:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a local Jamaican restaurant and the lady behind the counter thought I was her masseuse. She started telling me about a recent surgery. I was confused and so just played along and nodded. The next time I went in she started talking about her back again and said she was going to make an appointment with me soon. Her co worker then asked if I was a masseuse and I said yes because the lady was listening and nodding and it would have been awkward to say "actually, I'm not." The lady asked if she could call my office and make an appointment. I nodded, grabbed my food and ran away. I can never eat there again.
One time I was in the bathroom at school and this girl comes in and she's sort of sniffling. I figure, ok, you know, she's probably having a rough day. I'll give her some privacy and wait until she leaves before I come out of the stall. I didn't like the class I was missing anyway. So I wait for five minutes, and then she calls her mom on the phone. And she pours her fucking heart out about how she can't handle this anymore, and the phone is loud enough for me to hear her mom, and they start to argue. I have now been in the bathroom for fifteen minutes, and she's been in there for ten. I give it another five minutes, hoping it'll wind down, because now it's been too long and I know the girl would be mortified if I just walk out of the stall after 10 minutes of accidentally eavesdropping on her emotional breakdown. After 5 more minutes, she ends the phone call, and five minutes after that her friend comes in. "Is there anyone else in here?" "I don't think so, I've been in here a while and no one's come in." So she pours her heart out to her friend. It's been 25 minutes. I text my friend to come in and use the bathroom, hoping they'll leave if someone comes in. They don't. My brave friend and I sit next to each other in two adjacent stalls texting each other silently trying to figure out what to do, because these girls somehow think that now that my friend is in the stall, she can't hear them, so they started up again. Finally my friend says "fuck it" and we both exit the stalls and wash our hands and leave and I desperately hope they didn't notice that one more left than came in.
TL;DR I spent nearly 45 minutes sitting with my bare ass on a school toilet while a girl had an emotional breakdown in a public bathroom and I couldn't leave because I tried to give her space and accidentally eavesdropped on her various conversations about her problems, and the longer I stayed the more fucked up it would be for me to just get up and leave, because she didn't know I was there in the first place.
We were doing renos in our house and we bought a bunch of stuff from both lowes and Home Depot one morning. One of the things was a sink from Home Depot that didn't end up fitting so later that day I went to take it back. Being the absent minded dipshit I am, I took it back to lowes. I set it down at customer service and tell the nice lady that I would like to return the sink and start looking in my wallet for the receipt. She's looking at the box and says "are you sure you bought this here? We don't carry this brand." I assure her that yes I bought it there earlier that day as I'm still looking for the receipt. I don't know if maybe it had happened before or she just knew which sinks were sold where but she knew exactly what had happened, but she was cool and was trying to subtly hint to me that I probably bought it somewhere else. I remember thinking to myself "wow, I'm not a complete moron. I think I know where I bought a friggen sin-" I see the receipt in my wallet with a big "Home Depot" logo on it. Jesus. Christ. What do I do now!?!? So I look down at the sink and trying to act surprised I go "oh wait, shit this is the wrong sink! I must've grabbed the wrong one on my way out of the house" awkward chuckle "I'll be right back" utterly embarrassed and wanted to redeem myself so I hatched a plan. I promptly drive across the city to another lowes, buy a sink, drive back to original lowes and head to customer service. Put the sink down hand her the receipt. She smiles and makes some joke like "brought the right one this time?" And I'm thinking my plan is foolproof so I just play along. She does her thing, gets me to sign, she doesn't really say much else and I'm feeling pretty good like I just pulled a fast one on this lady and she totally bought it!!! I'm laughing all the way back to my truck and I get in and look down at the receipt. She wrote thanks and a smiley face...RIGHT BESIDE THE TIME OF THE TRANSACTION!!! In my embarrassment riddled brain I never even thought about the time being on the receipt and she probably seen that shit right off the hop! She knew exactly what I had done.
I have not been back to that lowes even though it's only 5 mins from my house and the other one is on the other side of the city.
My dad sent me to the store to get a new dog collar once. So I did but it turned out to be the wrong size (too small), he asked me to take it back and get a bigger sized one, too anxious to ask the store keeper for an exchange, I threw it in the trash on the way there and bought another with my own money. I needed help!
I once tried to hold a door open for a lady but it was an automatic sliding door. Unfortunately I had already started to reach to hold the door open when it slid away, so rather than laughing it off and carrying on with my life unhaunted by my own awkwardness, I instead stood in the entrance holding open an invisible door and gestured her to walk past me. She did, after taking a long, hard look at my face, presumably in case she needed to describe it to the police later.
My very first job out of college was in the IT department at a local bank. It wasn't just help desk, it was real infrastructure stuff, so I was pretty excited. I wanted to make a good first day impression with my manager and coworkers. Naturally, day one, hour one, I felt the need to take a shit. I don't know what I ate that morning, but I could tell it was a nasty one. My manager was in the middle of explaining some of the infrastructure to me, and I didn't want to miss it, so I held it since he seemed to be wrapping up. I was right, but at that point, he said we were going into a security presentation he was giving for the next hour or so. Instead of doing the normal thing and saying, "Ok, I just need to go to the restroom first," I said, "Ok, sounds good!" I followed him a small conference room where a dozen other people were and sat in anal pain for the next hour holding back what I could feel was a deluge of wet gassy ass-blast, hoping I wasn't sweating too obviously.
As a bonus, since I was the new guy, I got to introduce myself to the whole table of like 15 people while I held the dam clamped shut.
The first year in high school I was in Spanish class and my teacher asked me to go next door and get some blank workbooks. I left the room and realised there was a class in session in the room I was supposed to go in. So me being an awkward fuck just kinda stood outside my door for a few seconds before coming back in and saying they didnโt have any. This would have been alright except for the fact that our classroom door has a fucking window and he watched the whole thing and made me go back and actually get some.
Make a wrong turn when I'm a half-block from my destination. Immediately realize it. Instead of doing a 180, I instead walk to the end of the block, make a right, end of that block, make a right, end of that block, make a right, end of that block, make the correct left I should have made originally.
This was not a one time thing. I probably did it dozens of times as a teenager until I outgrew it.
There was a girl at my job I was crushing on really hard, the super adorable girl next door type. I was running up to the employee bathroom and the way it's set up is when you get to the top of the stairs you go right and from there straight ahead for the men, right again for the ladies. I saw her coming out from the corner of my eye and just walked to the urinal before I got there she called out to me. I looked at her like a deer in the headlights and started acting like I had just been possessed. From the noises and going as far as to get on the floor and twitch around. We both laughed our asses off and went on our merry way afterwards. No matter how old you get, lethal amounts of adorable will make you do very stupid things.
Oh god. So when I was 14 in my freshman year of high school, a guy asked me to be his girlfriend. Now I was young and innocent so that basically
Meant just holding hands and sitting together at lunch. He invited me over to meet his family about a week in, and his mom was very excited to make me lasagne. Now I HATE lasagne. I could have said that and avoided everything, since he had told me a day in advance. But I wanted his mom to like me, so I said nothing. Fast forward to dinner, where a steaming hot pile of lasagne sits in front of me as I visibly gag. I continue gagging and choking the slice down, like to the point where there are tears in my eyes. I am crying because I hate lasagne. I just tell his
Mom I have an allergy to dogs and that the lasagne is delicious. It was horrible
We broke up a week later, but we are still quite
Close several years later, and all of our friends still give me shit about the lasagne.
badashly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed an exam and really screwed my overall grade because I didn't have the balls to tell the garage they were taking too damn long for a simple oil change. This will haunt me forever.
Sat through a 2 hour lecture on HIV because I was too awkward to ask whether I had the right class for film studies
rdong ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:42:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I moved in at the same time another person was moving in. We greeted each other and had a short, nice conversation. However, my new neighbor remembered my name the first time around and I completely forgot hers.
Its been 2 months now and I try to avoid her because I don't know her name but when my neighbor sees me, she calls my by name.
I'm really short, and in college I used to take the shuttle from my apartment to campus. One day I was the only one on the bus, the driver didn't see me immediately where I was sitting, so he pulled over for a smoke. I didn't know what to say, and honestly didn't care, so I was just like okay I'll just wait til he's done. He noticed me about half way through his cig, put it out, and finished his route. Neither of us said a word to each other about it.
Take the wrong exit on the highway because I got in that lane accidently and too ashamed to move back in case the people behind me mutter "idiot" under their breaths
I was at a girl's apartment and her parents came home. She told me that her Dad was picking her up, and that he would kill me if he saw me. So I proceeded to hide in her bathroom, on the floor, of her bathtub. 30 minutes later, I still can hear people outside the bathroom, and I'm just praying no one walks in, since it would now be even more awkward, especially if the girl had gone and couldn't explain to her family why I was there. I waited for over 5 hours it seemed, just lying on the bathtub floor. When I eventually came out, the apartment was empty, and it was dark outside. It took me 2 hours to get home, and it was 2am, all the streets were deserted. Normally I would have been afraid since I was younger, but I celebrated my luck the whole way home. I knew it could have been much much worse.
Almost got into a gay relationship when someone slid into my DMs and started hitting on me. We talked for two days before I finally got the courage to tell him Iโm not into men.
Also I felt like a jerk even though he seemed okay after I told him.
CZILLROY ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:37:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived with people I didn't know very well and I skipped work and stayed home. I was sitting in my room and I heard my roommates say "where's czillroy, his shoes are here" and the other roommate says "I heard him leave today, so he probably has other shoes" so I just laid in bed all day and quietly watched movies on my phone. I didn't eat all day and I peed in a bottle in my room and in hindsight I have no idea why I didn't just act normal.
fostekka ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:42:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forgot to do something for a client at work , then went on holiday. Then when I got home, remembered, told him I'd done it, then realised my partner had shredded the paperwork required, but couldn't ask for it again as said that I'd done it so not to look incompetent. Ignored the client out of awkwardness and telling the truth. Company lost the client. No one knows what really happened, I just told my colleagues and the board that he'd been given a better deal and we couldn't compete. Still freak out about it daily.
Waiting for my to-go order in a crowded taco shop and they skipped my number and called like the next 25-30 orders over the next half hour. I left without my $10 food.
Rhuey13 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:04:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah I can finally distribute a story to one of these threads.
So last summer my band was playing a gig at a local club. It's a decent sized place on the edge of a shitty part of town. My girlfriend told me she wanted to come to the show. I warned her it would be a lot of weird metalheads and shitty moshers but she still wanted to come. Now it's the day of the show. She told me she was on her way so I knew she was coming. The set starts and a couldn't see her. After we were done and I loaded up my gear, I grab my phone and see missed calls from her. Turns out she had so much social anxiety that she couldn't go in by herself. There were people there she knew but didn't want to ask someone to walk her in so she just sat in her car and cried
For certain stores, yes. My google search took me to the online target store and itโll tell you what isle has certain items. Only works for in-store items though.
In highschool, I took a bus ride two hours long (from my house) to this girl who I was interested in. I spent a good half hour with her and her friends at her school and said goodbye. Being the idiot that I was (still am), I thought I had two bus tickets with me. I didn't. I didnt have any money, or debit card with me either. I was too embarrassed to go back and ask for fare so I did what any crazy kid would do. I walked 5+ hours home. Heh.
On our first date (lucky lady is now my wife of 10 years!). At the end of the date, I shook her hand and then said bye while turning around and walking to car to go home.
I would walk to the next aisle over if the aisle I wanted was packed, (2+ people), instead of asking to go through.
Bozwelox ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:00:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger and would hang out at a friend's house, I'd be too embarrassed to ask for a glass of water so I would instead go to the restroom and drink from the faucet.
Once, my older sister had a pet parakeet, and kept it in our shared bathroom. I was maybe 10 years old, and kind of afraid of the bird. The door was closed because she would let it roam free from it's cage in the bathroom. At night, I'd be too afraid to use the bathroom to pee, and too scared to go all the way to the downstairs bathroom in the dark. Because we had an alarm system, sometimes the stair sensors would be on and if I went down the alarm would go off, waking my parents. The third bathroom was in my parent's room, and their door was always closed. So, I would grab a towel, fold it up, and pee on that. And keep it in my closet.
BarkDog3 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:02:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a Montessori school for preschool and kindergarten and out of the four bathroom stalls in the classroom only one had a door. (I don't know why, weird Montessori stuff) I was worried about pooping in the doorless stalls (and admittedly the one with the door as well) and since you can do essentially whatever you want in Montessori classes, including just sitting down, I would sit on a bench, poop in my pants, and then just wait there the rest of the day until my mom picked me up. This happened pretty regularly. For three years...
The other day I drove to a second Taco Bell because I forgot to order something and didn't want to risk going back through the drive through or risk the drive through worker seeing me in the restaurant again.
It started on my first day of middle school. I was starting 5th grade and was a bus rider. I was a shy, awkward and quiet kid (still am as an adult) and was terrified of riding a new bus with new people. I get picked up and step on the bus and was overcome with an absurd amount of anxiety about where I was going to sit (I still get this on airplanes).
So I'm walking down the aisle trying not to make eye contact with anyone and not trip over myself. I spot a seat or 2 that are open, but have someone sitting in them. I decide to keep my options open and continue to the back looking for a completely empty seat. I get all the way to the back and realise I have to turn back now. At this point the bus is driving down the road, I'm wanting to throw up from anxiety and feel like I will look dumb for walking all the way back up to one of the open seats.
So from there I lay my backpack down and sit on the floor at the very back of the bus behind the last row of seats close to the fire exit door. This continued for another month or 2 and not a single person seemed to notice. Until one day the kids in the back row made some dumb joke that made me laugh. They got quiet and my heart dropped. Then four 8th grade kids looked behind the seats to see me sitting in the floor and then they ask me what I'm doing there.
After that moment, I started actually sitting on the bus like a normal kid because I didn't want to get questioned more by the 8th graders.
rajolev ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:15:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Held back a cough in 5th grade class, I guess I was super red too, teacher looked at me and asked if I was okay and as soon as I tried to talk just a huge coughing fit. Could of given an ah-hem but instead made myself into a lobster and teacher put the classes attention on me there for a minuet so everyone heard and saw my lobster ass hacking up a lung
Went to a deli and ordered a warm chicken baguette then was presented at the till with 2 cooked whole chickens. Instead of correcting the mistake paid for both chickens and had to go buy a sandwich elseware.
When you're in a public restroom stall and there's someone in the stall next door to you they always seem to want to finish up and walk out the same exact time as you. I've literally sat back down and waited for them to leave.
I got these shoes at a yard sale and they were really dusty and dirty so I needed to wash them. Ran them through the sink with soap (they were just canvas vans so I thought it was fine) and decided the best way to dry them was to hang them from the ceiling in the bathroom using a coat hanger and tying the laces together so they went through the flat of the hanger. Then, have a candle underneath and a fan blowing on them thinking the heat plus the air blowing would dry them off faster. I called my mom to ask for a lighter and once I explained my pure genius plan she called me an idiot and told me to throw them in the drying machine. I was 16.
When I was in elementary school I was, at least I feel I was, above normal levels of cringe. I was also interested in girls like some young boys that age. After I got over my crush on Sarah (or maybe Olivia?) I started crushing hard on the new girl, pretty round face and long brown hair. Lucky for me it was really close to Valentineโs Day so when the day came I brought myself to ask her to be my Valentine during art class. She declined my offer and, due to a couple days of pressure with anxiety over the situation building up, my body just released that anxiety suddenly jutting my leg out and hitting the chair next to me. Realizing that it just looked like I kicked the chair out of anger, I remember attempting an apology and scuttling away after letting out a small โoww.โ Talking to girls was still difficult for years to come. I try to forget those years, too much for me to handle.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:00:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok. This happened a decade ago and Iโm still disgusted with myself thinking about it. I have mild social anxiety, but Iโm always trying to battle through it (drug free).
I once was invited to a shindig at a friendโs house, but I was not opening up well. I just wanted to hide. Having a job to keep me busy helps so I volunteered to wash dishes after the dinner. I cleaned the whole kitchen. Then sorted the pantry. I was sweeping the mud room before I realized I really needed to learn when to say when. I said goodbye to my friend and ran away. I am not normal.
I was chilling in my car at an intersection when I saw a dude in the car behind me looking directly at me. I get slightly uncomfortable when people just flat out stare at me like that so I just act busy. I tried to check to see if the light turned green because the van in front of me was barely blocking it. I moved my head to the left and hit it hard on the glass. I just see the dude behind me burst out laughing. needless to say I got away from that car after that intersection.
My roommate once set the child lock on the cable box (to require a password during certain hours) because he was too awkward to tell the rest of us how much it annoyed him when we watched TV early in the morning, and ask us to stop like a normal person.
Kodaco ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:13:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate a meal at a Mexican restaurant when all I wanted was to use the bathroom.
When I first moved out of my parent's house, I didn't know how to cook. I had my boyfriend over and offered to make a cheese omelet. I did not realize cheese came wrapped in plastic so when the plastic started to turn green and melt along with the cheese in the omelet pan, I scraped it to one side. I served him the "non-green" eggs and I ate the green ones.
Kraymur ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:24:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in line at a grocery store with my mom when I was younger, and she had forgotten something and did the best thing she thought of to do at the time, leave me in line with the groceries and no money to go trudging through the store looking for whatever item she had forgotten. The other people get finished and i'm just standing there with a middle aged woman who looks like she's about to eat me because i'm holding up the line, 5 minutes pass and I walked out of the store.
My friend came to my house with his mom driving to pick me up and take me to have a sleep over at his house. When I went to put my bag in the trunk I found out pretty soon that the hydraulics on the trunk were broken, so as I leaned in the trunk came down full weight on my head. As it happened they yelled from inside the car "watch out for the trunk". Well I hopped in pretending I wasn't in pain when they asked if it hit me, considering the thud was probably audible from inside the car. Well we drove for about 30 minutes before my friend turned around and looked at me to see that my forehead was bleeding down my shirt. I did my best to hide it but it was a pretty deep cut. We spent the next hour cleaning it up and I had to pretend I was a superhuman who didn't feel pain instead of admitting I got cracked by the latch of a trunk. Good times
My friend's mom started yelling about all of his friends eating their food. I knew she wasn't referring to me, but I happened to have been in their kitchen and just made 2 hot dogs. I heard her coming, so my reaction was to put 2 hot dogs in my pockets and run out of the kitchen. She didn't see me thank god, but that was probably the strangest way I've ever reacted to something.
I used to live with my ex boyfriend and his dad (who acted like a 20 year old frat boy). They would have poker night every Thursday in the dining room right outside my room, and I hated it because it was a bunch of dirty old men who would harass me and hit on me if I walked out there.
I drink a ton of water and have to pee constantly, so I would literally pee in a bucket in my room to avoid them, and then dump the bucket in the toilet at the end of the night when they left.
Honestly, it was worth it. No regrets.
Wurps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
name checks out
kyhle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:44:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once forgot where the exit was in a restaurant bathroom, so I accidentally walked - very confidently - into another stall after washing my hands, realizing a little too late and had already managed to close the door behind me. There was a pretty long line outside (this was the ladies room after all), so I just pretended to having to use the bathroom again, just standing very still and eventually flushing. Felt too embarassed too leave until I felt sure that everybody who had noticed (and loudly commented to their friends) what had just happened had left or gone into their own stalls. Ran out. Still haven't gotten over it 4 years later.
In the elementary school I went to, we had a program where some kids could choose to stay in school after regular classes if both of their parents were working. Most of my class participated in this program, but I didn't as I had a stay-at-home mother. The children who did went to a second lunch a few minutes after school released for everyone else, and they walked through the corridor where the wardrobe rooms were (we stored winter shoes and coats there).
For some reason, I was too embarrassed to change in front of my classmates (even though all I had to do was change my shoes and put on a coat), so I had to avoid them somehow while they walked to the lunchroom. I could go to the other end of the corridor past the cafeteria, but then I'd have to walk by the security guard who was always sitting there, which was also awkward, so I instead chose to hide under the stairs. My class would go down these so it was always terrifying to consider the possibility of someone looking behind the stairs while I'm crouching there; thankfully that never happened for the months I spent doing it until my mother signed me up for the program too.
leera07 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran a 12 mile race in September. My car was parked 4 miles from the finish line, but there was a water taxi free for participants and one of the stops was right near where my car was parked. I couldnโt find where the water taxi stop was, and instead of just asking someone I walked four more miles in the pouring rain.
We were carving stuff into linoleum for art class. I slipped and sliced right into my hand. Fingers bleed a lot, even if the cut isn't super severe, so my arm was dripping in the time it took me to realize what had happened. What does a normal person do? Go to the nurse! Somebody will see the blood and realize I had a valid reason for leaving.
Not me, though. I went to ask the teacher for a pass (this was middle school), but she was talking to somebody. So I waited. After a few seconds, I realized this was probably bad so I sort of mumbled "excuseme..." , which thankfully got her to turn around.
Me and girlfriend just got together after several months of having feelings for each other but weโre too blind to see it in each other, after a conversation where she wanted to know who this girl I was reluctant to talk about was and wouldnโt take no for an answer I finally told her it was her I had feelings for. She said โwell why donโt you ask me out?โ So I did and after a day of being in cloud nine I faced timed her.
This is when I started to fall apart
It didnโt feel real and I just started stumbling my words and the first compliment I ever gave my girlfriend was โn-n-nice faceโ
Say my name....I was at a stand up comedy thing and the lady asked me for my name and I was super awkward so I just shrugged my shoulders...I was ridiculed for not knowing my own name.
mafangaf ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:00:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking down the road and then saw my classmates from afar. My introvert ass thought of ways on how to avoid interacting with them. We're on the same side of the road so I decided to cross the road so I would be on the other side and wouldn't be seen. I was dumb enough not to remove my earphones. I ended up making a scene because I was very close to getting hit by a fast fucking car and the driver blared his horn like shit.
I let one of my high school teachers pronounce my name wrong for the entirety of high school because I didnโt correct him the first time. He realized he was saying it wrong in the last month of my senior year.
ghostaly ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:01:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A girl with downs syndrome on my grade school bus once started putting my hair in her mouth when I was seated next to her, but I pretended to like it so I wouldn't devastate her with a bad reaction.
Today I went to the gas station because I was on empty. I asked the cashier for $30 of gas then I went back to the pump and settled in for a $30 gas extravaganza. At $14 the gas stopped coming out and I told the cashier what had happened. She said "Oh ok, just put the pump back on the hanger." I went back, put the pump back and tried again, nothing. I went back to the window and said "All set?" Expecting her to say she had turned the pump back on and she said "Um, no ....don't you want your change?"
I assumed she meant put it back on the hanger and restart. She assumed $14 filled the tank (I wish). I got flustered and just said "Oh, silly me, thanks." And promptly drove down the street to another station to finish filling my tank.
astroxo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:02:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was at a friendโs house and her dad bought a bunch of bagels for breakfast. I had never eaten one...but I was too awkward to just admit that so instead of cutting the bagel in half, I put cream cheese on the top of a whole, uncut bagel.
Her dad looked at me like I was an alien. He informed me that I could cut it in half if I wanted. Having too much pride for a girl of 9, I informed him that it was, โjust how I eat bagelsโ.
I think about that every time I eat one.
kpeebo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:04:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was part of a French exchange program in high school. As a gift I brought them this cute snow globe topped wine stopper with the Empire State Building inside. Later from the living room I could see the cat start to paw at it on the dining room table but no one else noticed. I had a feeling he was going to knock it off the table and break it, but I was too shy/a little unsure of the language to say "Hey, the cat" or whatever and watched my gift get destroyed...
I was walking down the sidewalk on my college campus and someone stopped at a crosswalk because they thought I was taking the crosswalk. Instead of waving them on, I crossed the street, walked on that side until their car was out of sight, and then crossed a different crosswalk back to the side I needed to be on.
carbslut ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:12:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, my sister was constantly being written up in the paper for thing she was good at.
One of my teachers thought the articles were about me and complimented me constantly.
I pretended it was me, and that I had a different first name, for the whole year.
Walked into a Verizon store that had a guy I don't really like from work. He saw me, sort of ignored me, recognized I saw him. I decided to get the fuck out. As I walked past he said "hi" and I said "Yep, see you later." Promptly walked out door.
In middle school we were carpooling to a basketball game and I was in behind the driver's seat. I wasn't really friends with them and I didn't have anything to say so I started doing my homework knowing if get carsick. So I keep doing math problems until I am horribly sick but I just sit there hoping it will pass, trying to look out the window.
The girl in the front seat looks at me and tells her dad I look sick. I was like, "no, no. I'm fine." He pulled over and before I could get out of the truck, I puked out the window all over the side of the truck. The other half of my team thought we were pulling over to follow them or something so they waved out the window and watched me puke too.
I knowingly got carsick to avoid social interaction.
When I was about 10, I received a phone call on our familyโs landline. The lady asked to talk to Jackie, which is my name, so I stayed on the line. She started asking about the family, the kids, etc., so I assumed it was a grandmother. When she asked how work was going, I realized she had the wrong number (since I was a kid), but was too uncomfortable to say anything, so I remained on the phone for a good 20 minutes answering all her questions with fake answers, too scared to tell her she had the wrong number. She started telling me that I sounded weird and asked if I had a cold, so I quickly said I did, so she said sheโd let me go to get some rest. I have no idea who this person was.
Wow I have a really bad one, and my username will check out. I'm so ashamed of this to this day but here it goes:
So I was at a monastery to borrow their library to study (long story why). I needed one of the monks there to come type in the wifi password on my laptop. Now windows did this thing on my laptop where if I accidentally slid my fingers on the trackpad in a certain way it would open the photo viewer app with the last thing I had open on it, so of course when I'm clicking the wifi setup thing I accidentally slid open my photos app, and there in fullscreen glory are 2 fox boys 69ing each other. I guess the normal thing would have been to close it, laugh, and move on, but what I did was I stared in shock for a solid 2 seconds, slowly closed my laptop, and then just rested my head in shame not saying a word. The monk was trying to play it cool and wanted to finish helping me but all I did was ignore him like I was dead until he finally gave up, patted me on the back in pity and walked out. The minute of him trying to get me to just let him continue with typing in the wifi passwrod while I pretended I was dead or whatever was the most awkward moment of my life.
I stayed in that library frozen like that for another 30 minutes or so until I was brave enough to walk out. I was so paranoid I would run into him again on my way out but I didn't thankfully.
I flew to Florida for a spring break trip with some acquaintances (thought a good friend was going to join, but he didnโt). I felt so awkward I didnโt want to stay and try to enjoy myself, so I told them I had a โfamily emergencyโ and went home early - via Greyhound bus. 36 hour bus ride of regret and shame.
chad_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:30:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the dumbest ever by far, but I went outside my apartment to smoke today and was just stepping out when this gorgeous girl that is a barista where I get coffee most mornings was walking past my front door. I'm awkward when I'm ready to see people and worse when I'm surprised. She recognized me, and said, "hi! How are you doing?!". I replied, "great! You too!" and tripped on a brick I had specifically left by my door in case I want to prop it open. Then I stumbled a few steps and caught the telephone pole and did a sort of "Singing in the Rain" Fred Astaire type move while swinging around the pole. sigh At least I didn't faceplant in the road.
On our campus transit I stood up one stop too early and instead of just sitting back down, I got off and took the extra 10minutes walking to class. I think it was mix of not trying to be awkward/pride.
hab1b ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:53:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a BBQ I tore the sleeve off my own shirt to wipe my ass because there was no toilet paper in the bathroom at the house, and I was too embarrassed to yell for help. Then I tried to flush my sleeve down the toilet. Then the toilet got clogged. So I just bounced.
A few days later my friend asked where I went and I told him I didn't feel good so I left. And then he told me how some asshole clogged the toilet. HILARIOUS... years later.
One time in high school I was taking a dump. Kid walked in and being embarrassed I tried to be as silent as possible. Problem was, after a minute I farted just a little bit. The guy started giggling which made me start to giggle, which made me fart more. With each laugh I farted a little more. So imagine someone laughing in time with a "thpbp-thpbp-thpbp". Fucking hilarious.
In undergrad I walked in to use the bathroom outside of one of my classrooms. Without looking, I busted into the stall, quickly turning around to lock the door behind me. That's when I heard my professor (who was pooping) go, "Woaahhh!!" from inside the stall that I had just entered. By the time I realized it, my pants were about 15% off, and I was about to sit in his lap (I'm a very efficient pooper).
I'm not sure what I could have done normally, but there has to be something.
Was at a restaurant with my dad and brother. Waiter complimented me on everything I ordered from my drink to my appetizer to the main course. When he stuck his hand out to retrieve my menu, I shook his hand thinking he wanted to shake it for the great meal I ordered. He responded with โno I just need your menu.โ
I later saw him re-enacting the incident to his other waiter buddies in the back.
cool12y ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:45:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a class, my teacher was distributing sheets. I didn't get one. Raised my hand, he didn't hear. Spoke out, couldn't hear. People were laughing. Too socially awkward to ask him, so decided to just click a picture of my friends worksheet.
Got scolded for "forgetting" my worksheet the next class.
Got myself a life insurance from a telemarketer just because I couldn't bring myself to say No. I should have done more research before getting one because what I got was a very mediocre product.
I once accidentally hung up on a telemarketer, felt so bad, I smsed to apologise.
badashly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to sell credit cards over the phone like 12 years ago when not everyone had a cell phone....it's definitely ok to hang up on us ๐ we not only expect it - but deserve it.
My mother told me once that when I was 3 years old, my potty lid was closed, and instead of me lifting it, I shit my pants. The point is, Iโm not the type of person whoโll disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably.
This isn't funny at all, but I let a guy rub himself against me on a very packed bus for ten minutes when I was 16 and in another country. I felt violated and I was scared and didn't know his language and didn't feel like I was allowed to say anything.
I almost didn't comment because I didn't want to be a buzz kill, but I really wish someone would have told me that everyone always has the right to get out of that situation. Shove through people to move away. Kick him in the crotch. Tell him to quit (even if he didn't know English, he would have understood my tone). Find a woman that seems strong and compassionate and stand next to her.
Just do something to tell the world and yourself that you are worth being respected.
My new boss asked me for a rundown. I had no idea what a rundown was. I spent my whole day trying to acting like I knew what I was doing while trying to figure out what the hell a rundown is... None of my coworkers knew what it was either. Eventually I threw something together to turn in to him, which he told me to fax to my distribution list. Didn't know what a distribution list was either. I faxed it to my dad instead.
Was at some friends party once didn't know anyone can't find friend I know so I just stand awkwardly in the kitchen. Girl precedes to come up and all like omg girl haven't seen you in forever how are you hugs bla blah.. I have no clue who she is but being a weirdo I just nod smile and go along with it.. for 2 hours I pretend I know this person... at the end of it she comes out and tells me she didn't really know me she was just creeped out by guys she didn't know and needed to escape and decided to pretend she knew me to get away ( I was a creepy goth in high school so most people didn't bother me assuming id stab them or sacrifice them to Satan or something).. it's been like 15 years still friends with her..
Went to an auto parts store in the morning. A couple hours later I realized I needed a couple more things, so I went to a different store that was further away.
Whenever I almost run into somebody with my cart at the grocery store I turn around completely and start walking purposefully the other way if I canโt wait and let them pass because of the positioning of our carts.
I went around the entire Whole Foods 3 times today because it was so busy. I had never been there before so I didnโt mind, but sometimes I have to draw a line.
My situation was kinda similar as u/badass_panda , but instead of an office building, I work at fast food. I needed to throw away a bucket of burger grease and get an empty one, both in the delivery garage. Naturally I forgot that the door auto locks, and my choice was to either knock on it for eternity until someone answered, or go through the emergency exit and set off the alarm.
I knocked for like 10 minutes before someone came.
Then a few months later, it happened again. And again a few months after that. Final time, I simply took the risk and set off the emergency exit alarm. Naturally the managers lectured me. This all happened during my 3rd and 4th years (Im in my 5th year now).
Now I avoid the garage at all costs, because I'm too dense headed to remember the door locks behind me.
nahjay3 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:05:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs not too dumb but whenever someone is in the way of something like in a hallway instead of asking if i can get through Iโll find another route. For example, through middle school, most of the classroom had tables in rows and thats where people would sit. Instead of asking to scooch between someone and to turn something in, Iโd find a path with the least confrontations. It may be inefficient, but... well thatโs it really itโs just inefficient.
I attempted to make a TIFU about it but no one even checked it out. So I was in first period, first day of high school, when I knocked my pencil off my desk. Now this is the first not normal thing. Instead of letting it fall to the ground and getting it from there, I decided to slam my hand on it to keep it on the chair. However, instead of landing on its side, it landed on its eraser, so I got stabbed by it. Then, after, instead of saying I needed to go to the nurseโs office, I raised my other hand and waited about a minute for my teacher to call on me. I got made fun of for that one all year
This is SO gross I can't believe I'm writing this. Was at a band house. Everyone had their cool card. Had to take a massive dump and clogged the toilet. Put my hand in and squashed that shit up so it would flush rather than telling the cool kids I needed a plunger.
walked into a little home improvement store dead set on finding a sink attachment thing ask the employee to help me find a part, take one look at it and confident as can be say "no thats not what i need" employee said "yeah this should be exactly what you need" realizing i was wrong instead of admitting my mistake and apologizing like a normal human i said to him "uhhhhh i forgot something out in my car real quick ill be right back"
kinda fastwalked out to my car and i havent been back since out of fear someone would recognize me
On a train, waiting to depart the station to get home. Looking at about a 40 minute ride to get to my town. Guy with whom I'm acquainted boards, stands next to me. I have a teensy bit of a crush on guy (read: gigantic, awkwardness-inducing crush) so I immediately panic at the thought of making polite conversation with him for 40 minutes (read: approximately forever) so I mumble something about forgetting a bag and dash off the train to hide in the bathroom until the next train arrives.
jim_br ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:17:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New Yorkโs Penn Station is being repainted a different color a few years ago. I get on a train home, knowing I have to transfer at Jamaica Station and fall into a deep sleep. The door closing bells go off, waking me up. Not recognizing what I see out the window, I sprint through a few people in the aisle to the closing doors and grab them from closing. The conductor reopens the doors and I step onto the platform - still in Penn Station but in new colors. I was so embarrassed I strolled to the next car and slipped in before the doors closed.
Today, Iโd just call myself out and walk back to my seat.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:30:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't have tissues in class and I thought if you just kept breathing in through your nose when you're sick it'd keep everything in; worked great for an hour (apart from the noise), until it didn't and I sneezed so hard I snotted up both hands and then some. I'd like to say this was elementary school but it wasnt
I was a really awkward teenager and I just emigrated from Russia and barely knew english. I was over a girls house to (hopefully) lose my virginity, but instead I had to use the bathroom really badly. Took a shit, clogged her toilet.
Not only did I not know how to tell her in english what happened, but I was embarrassed, obviously.
So instead, with my bare hands, I tried taking my poop out of the toilet and throwing it out of the window. I did that, except the girls dad and brother were outside of the house, and all they saw was some random kid, shirtless, throwing poop out of their 2nd story bathroom window onto the floor.
I didn't even talk to them, I just saw them staring at me like "what the fuck??". I made out with the girl a tiny bit more, but I used a bullshit excuse and left as soon as possible before the brother or dad could come up and say something to me.
I've never told anyone this. My perceived awkwardness almost killed someone, and myself. My girlfriend's brother owned a towing business so I'd hang out at the garage sometimes. One day a driver asked me to come along on a 6 hour job to keep him company. I agreed to go. The trip was uneventful until we were returning. During a very boring stretch of highway, I noticed the truck veering to the left. I looked at the driver, wondering if he'd fallen asleep, but I wasn't sure. We went further and further onto the other side of the highway, I was so afraid to speak up and risk saying something stupid that I said nothing. Thankfully, he has just dozed off and woke up before we went off the road or hit another vehicle. He woke with a scream, we were fully in the oncoming lanes, and still my stupid ass said nothing! Wtf! I pretended that I'd fallen asleep and didn't notice anything had happened.
All this cringe reading these comments. Yikes lol but we've all had our moments like this at least a few times. Instead of talking to this girl after school, I would purposely trip and she would laugh at me. Like you're so clumsy and instead of putting the moves on her I did that lol
In 2nd grade, I was sitting in computer class (93?), having to take a huge shit. Go to the bathroom and drop the mother of all loads. 3 kids peak their heads under the stall, while pointing and laughing at me. Idk what to do, so I awkwardly pulled my pants up and walked back to class. As I sit down, I guess a southerly breeze brushed across my teachers nose, prompting her to ask if someone had shit themselves while staring at me. I just shook my head no and proceeded playing Oregon trail or math munchers. I walked home with a dry caked, shit covered asa. It's not over yet.. I hop in the shower and try to figure out a way to hide my shit covered underwear. Being a 2nd grader, the only thing I could come up with was to climb to the top of the tree in the backyard and hide my underwear in the top branches. Too bad it was fucking November and there were no leaves.. Dad noticed shit stained whitey tighties blowing around the tree 2 days later. He knew it was me, due to the fact my teacher called letting my parents know I may have shit myself in class.
Maybe not the dumbest, because as an awkward person this kind of thing happens to me regularly, but the first to come to mind:
I once went inside a Hardeeโs to avoid the line in the drive thru, and ordered my food specifically to go. I waited five or so minutes for my food, and they finally came out with it on a tray, clearly set up for dine in.
Instead of alerting someone that I had ordered my food to go and would be needing a bag, I stood there for a brief moment in a state of mild anxiety, grabbed the tray, and went to the far corner of the restaurant, where I sat down, ate my meal, and then left.
TL;DR: Ordered food to go, got it for dine in, too awkward to correct the situation, dined in anyway.
During my senior year of high school, I went on a date with this guy I really liked. At the end of the night, he drove me home and walked me to my front door. We hugged, but I must've looked out of it or something because he said, "Be more enthusiastic." Instead of laughing or saying goodnight, I blurted out "I love you." He gave me a very uncomfortable look and ran back to his car.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into my college English class 10 minutes late, didn't recognize anybody, and walked out saying "oh sorry I'm in the wrong class". It was my 3rd month of that class. Everybody knew.
I was late to my SAT prep academy once and the principal spread his arms out. Confused I slowly put my arms around him to give him a hug. But it turned out he was blocking the entryway to the classroom that was down the hall behind him because i was late
So me (female, 16 years old at the time) just gave my 50 something old male principal a hug.
I was in middle school and was sleeping over at a friend's house. We were notorious for staying up all night watching movies and talking, as middle school girls will do during sleepovers.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I had to go to the bathroom. My friend lived in an older house where the doors tended to stick and the doorknobs were really old and had some kind of complicated (for a 12 year old) locking mechanism. Honestly to this day, I don't understand how that sh*t worked.
So I go in, shimmy the door shut and try to lock it, and the knob made just the slightest of weird noises, like something happened in there that shouldn't have. Cue panic; frantic grasping, pulling, twisting, etc. Can't get the thing open again. I start loud-whispering through the door to try and get my friend's attention and she tries to walk me through unlocking it. Still won't open.
She proceeds to wake up the entire house to free me from my tile prison (all three sisters and both her parents). Dad can't get it open so they have the brilliant idea to go outside and come through the window. I unlock the window and while they are getting the ladder and the tools, I realize "oh my God, I still have to pee."
So, assuming I have plenty of time to pop a squat and piss like a race horse before they find a ladder and get through the window, I sit down and start to relieve my now over-full bladder. Not two seconds in, her dad's head pops in the window and scares the bejeezus out of me. I'm embarrassed, he's embarrassed, everyone outside is laughing while I try to explain that I hadn't actually GONE yet when I realized I was locked in. He pulls his head back outside so I can finish up and eventually I get freed from the bathroom (they had to take the knob off the door!)
Have got off the tube (subway) at the end of a date because conversation dried up and I wanted to leave it on a good note. โThis is my stop, lovely to meet you, had loads of fun, we must do this again,...โ etc. and then got on the next one to continue the journey to my actual destination - rather happy with myself.
Got there and left the station... There she is, the same girl standing outside having a cigarette and talking on the phone. Our eyes met, I waved, she looked confused, I kept walking... and that was that.
I do this, but with colleagues. I like them well enough, I just don't like doing the awkward small talk on the tube thing. I'd rather just listen to music and zone out.
If I ever leave the office at the same time as other people and we start walking to the same station, I make out that I need to go in a different direction. Then I just wait (out of site somewhere) until they're gone and continue my journey.
Twice, TWICE, I've walked onto the same tube as the colleagues I've just ditched...
Was playing WoW when I was 14. I used to binge play it, so I often would take an entire 2 liter of soda or bottle of juice up to my desk and drink it throughout my play session.
I chose a bottle of apple juice on this day.
Iโm playing for a few hours and had drank the entire bottle. Shortly after I had to pee so bad. I was too fucking dumb to walk 5 feet to the bathroom which was literally next to my bedroom, so I pissed in the Apple juice bottle.
I fell asleep and went to school the next day.
That evening when my dad comes home from work, I hear him SCREAMING downstairs.
My mom cleaned my room that morning and found the bottle.
She thought it was full of apple juice.
She put it back in the fridge.
My dad drank it.
Iโve never cringed through my skull so hard before. I felt like such a loser.
TLDR; whatever still drank piss.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was and am an awkward person. I was super straight edge growing up. It took me forever to curse and I wouldn't drink underage. Can you tell I'm real fun at parties? So I never got invited.
My best friend was super popular and hilarious. She took me to an upperclassman party for the football team. They had a keg. And I was sitting there drinking Orange Fanta. I finished it quickly because I didn't know anyone. First, I kept "drinking" after it was gone to keep my hangs busy.
I got called out and said I just wanted to hang onto it. The Varsity boys laughed and left. My friend asks what I'm doing.
I inform her that the cops have my finger prints and they could match me to the party if they searched the can.
The party got busted and we ran for it. My mom asked what was up with the soda can. And my friend told her. They both laughed at me. My friend just stood in my wedding and has never let me live it down.
I should have just tossed the can. But I'm a dork.
This is literally happening right now. I'm in a public bathroom. When I poop I use those paper liner things if available. As I was pulling it out, someone came in to use the stall next to me, and I panicked and sat down on the toilet, seat down and pants up. He was here for like ten minutes and I just waited for him to leave because it's too awkward for me to get up and pull my pants down and actually use the toilet. Now I'm pretty sure a field trip is here or something because like 15 middle school kids are lined up to pee. Send help.
11_RMA ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:24:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was staying at this super cheap airbnb which was basically me and two of my friends sleeping on the floor of this dude's studio apartment. I didn't think to bring a blanket or pillow, and I was too awkward to ask for one, so I just laid on the floor. A couple of hours later I was freezing cold and slowly going insane, but it would have been even more awkward to wake someone up and ask for a blanket at that point. So I went into the guy's bathroom, laid down on a rug in front of the toilet, and pulled a towel over myself. That was pretty much my rock bottom.
After a purchase, the cashier goes to hand me my change with a closed fist. I "fist-bumped" him.
MrRieper ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:42:23 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was eleven or twelve, I had a friend who I'd talk to during lunch time. Don't remember for the life of me what we talked about, just random stuff. Anyway one time I'm talking with her, and I get a great (not) idea for a joke - pretend to tip my bottle of orange juice over her head. Only it turns out the lid wasn't quite as tightly closed as I thought, so I ended up dumping about a quarter of a bottle of orange juice over her head. Me being a nice polite gentleman, I apologise and offer to get a paper towel - oh wait no I don't, instead I panic and run away.
Oh, did I tell you that she was sometimes on crutches due to a bad foot so she couldn't exactly catch up with me that well?
Worked in customer service, at a door position, greeting customers, etc. Went to say "Have a good day!" but halfway through decided to say "Have a good one" and just yelled "HAVE A GAY"
Commenting so I can find my way back bc this is by far my favorite post. Y'all are hilarious
devonadv ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:21:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to career services at my college a few days ago, got to the front desk and instantly forgot how to speak and what I was there for. "Uh.. major... I need help with my major?" The receptionist told me I needed to make an appointment and offered to help me make one, but I panicked and said no thank you. Still have not made that appointment.
I had scheduled a day before Christmas break from work off, and actually had an interview and had accepted the position starting in January. I went to one of the satellite offices to tell my friends about my interview when suddenly one of them announces that the boss was parking her car up front....
I have this issue with keeping secrets from people, feeling like they're going to somehow know. So my reaction was to leave out the front door and run upstairs to the 2nd, and top floor, wait until she went into the office and sneak past the tiny window that looked out into the hallway. The plan worked flawlessly until I actually got outside and saw my boss unloading gifts from her car. Apparently she had to make more than one trip from the office to the car to get them all in... "Oh, hey! Nobody told me you were here! Can you help me with these bags?" So there I am stumbling through some story that I just came out to say Merry Christmas to everyone and hope she doesn't dig for more info, like for instance, why are you wearing a suit? Or Why are you leaving before going into the office?
I helped her haul things in, and got my gift bag. My ex coworkers played it cool and we all had hot cocoa and an orgy. It was great.
TL;DR: used evasive maneuvers unsuccessfully creating an even more awkward situation... Also, there was no orgy. it just sounded better.
When I was in 4th grade I would stay at the after school program called KOC. They placed us in different room based on grades, 4th and 5th in one room, etc. Well the restroom was in the 2nd and 3rd grade room and I had to take a dump. Iโm already on edge cuz the restroom doesnโt have a lock and itโs unisex so itโs only meant for one person at a time. Well towards the end the toilet was filled with just toilet paper with skid marks. I went to flush the toilet and it clogged. Fuck. There was no plunger in there so instead of asking one of the counselors to help me out I decided the best course of action to take would be to make a flushing noise. So I made one, then decided it wasnโt loud enough so I made another, then decided that didnโt sound enough like a flush, I ended make a total of about 5 toilet flushing noises then decided to walk out. Right when I walked out there was a group of kids sitting at a table and they asked me โWhy were you making toilet noises?โ I just kept on walking.
not sure this qualifies, but I once had a huge crush for a temp worker in my office. She was (Probably still is) the nicest person alive and a cute girl being genuinely nice to me is all it took. Anyway I'm socially inept so on a few occasion she went out with co workers and i wasn't invited (all very nice people, they would have invited me if they thought there was any chance I would join. there wasn't). She ended up being a bit too close to a co worker than I liked and I was mad with jealousy. Her mission came to an end and on the last day I couldn't deal with the jealousy and the idea of saying goodbye to her. so I did the only logical thing and locked myself in the server room until such time as she left.
I get confused by how many kisses to give on the cheek while greeting people in different countries as we don't kiss at all in my own country. So when in Holland I was going for two while the dutch person were going for one, which resulted in me brainfarting and holding my face against the other persons face for (what felt like) an eternaty.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:56:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, a few times I was talking to my friends in the halls, I ended up going too far from where I was supposed to go to class, and they went to their class. So I didn't want to be awkward and just turn around, so I just walked around the school in a loop so people wouldn't think I was weird.
A girl I work with is a fitness model, known in town for her beauty. Naturally for secret santa I end up with her name and have no idea what to do. Went with a gift card for a massage and some massage oil. Accidentally grabbed the lube off the shelf though and only noticed when I gave it in front of the company.
squirt92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your company does not know the rules of secret Santa.
I ate lunch in the bathroom every day of 8th grade year because I was literally to scared of trying to talk to someone, or worse, eating by myself in front of everyone
When I was 11 I was too scared to take a shit in my friends house. I decided that I would do it in the dirt road behind the house while we were playing hide n seek. I didn't realize that I would have to piss too and inevitably pissed all over my shorts. Not only did I smell like piss the rest of the sleep over, but I forgot that I would need toilet paper after I was finished :/
gortwogg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:22:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just happened last week and the shame still runs deep. I ended up fumbling in my jacket pocket and dropped a banana on the ground in a men's rest room. The guy washing his hands had just turned around so we both immediately looked down at the fruit. Not knowing what else to do I nudged it towards him with my foot and muttered "you wanna eat that?" He promptly left, I picked up the likely urine tainted source of potassium and threw it out. Washed my hands without looking myself in the eyes, and vowed never to use that rest room again.
A friend and I had plans to go see a new movie. We'd both read and loved the book and were psyched to see it on opening night.
We bought tickets in advance, drove to the theater and unknowingly parked right next to a car full of old high school acquaintances.
It was two couples. They saw us and got out of their car and we were forced to engage in horrible small talk.
Of course they're going to the same movie. After what felt like an eternity they said "see ya in there" and walked in.
My friend and I looked at each other and pulled out of the spot and drove home.
Saw the movie 5 months later on demand.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived at home during college, and a professor from that college moved in next door. I felt like I was too old to be calling neighbors Mr. _____ by that age, and since he taught at my college, it would have been Dr.______. Also, he had a weird first name that I wasn't comfortable calling him because it sounded like a name someone would give their dog. So for years when he would say, "Hi Flip3206," I would just say "Hi," and not address him by name at all.
I almost choked to death because I was too embarrassed to let my family know I was choking on a marble that my parents kept telling me not to put in my mouth. I just calmly left the room and proceeded to cough like crazy in an attempt to dislodge it.
smorest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just took a CPR class and the instructor said a lot of people die because they are too embarrassed to get help while choking. They go into a bathroom or something to try to get the object out in private and donโt make it.
I guess I was lucky I was able to breathe through my nose while it was stuck in there.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once ate at a taco bell because I had started talking to a guy with a dog. 3 blocks later he was still walking in my direction and I was starting to panic because I was running out of things to say and didn't want to talk to him anymore but I couldn't just stop while we were walking alongside eachother. At a stoplight I abruptly said "This is me, take care!".
I did go in and eat tacos, because I mean Taco Bell. But I wasn't hungry and it's not where I was going.
I went on a camping trip with my Boy Scout troop in mid November and accidentally left my sleeping bag and tent in the car. It was late into the night before I realized and everyone was already asleep. Instead of waking up one of the scout leaders, I slept (or tried to) on a cot in below 30 weather. It got so cold, I put socks over my hands. Coldest night of my life.
I was at the good ol' 99 once with my husband. We were engrossed in a conversation when the waitress went to take my plate. For whatever reason, instead of handing my plate over, my dumb brain intervened and I shook the woman's hand.
She was horrified. I was horrified. My husband was like "wtf?" I tried to make a joke but made it worse. She avoided our table like the plague from that point on.
topexy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most relatable askreddit I've seen in a while. Glad to know others are as painfully awkward as me..
I'm surprised I didn't delete this comment
When I was 5, I was staying with my aunt and uncle who were taking me to an amusement park. My aunt asked me to go upstairs and see if my uncle was ready to leave. I marched up the stairs yelling, Uncle Ed! Uncle Eeeeeed! As soon as I got to the top step, he opened the bathroom door completely naked. Our eyes locked. I saw the look of horror. I continued down the hall yelling Uncle Ed! as though I hadn't seen him. I went back downstairs and told my aunt I couldn't find him. 40 years later I'm still scarred.
My boss did a round of drinks, I asked for some bourbon. He came back with a tall glass of straight bourbon (about 8 shots of Jack Daniels I believe). He got upset I had ordered something so expensive, I told him about his mistake but he was really insistent I drink it.
I sculled it... hoping that drinking a few cokes afterwards would kinda even it out. But having what was 10 standard drinks in about 5 mins was a mistake.
Not me but I was with my cousin at a restaurant when he ordered a basket of wings. The waiter asked him what he'd like for his side. My cousin says ranch. Waiter says okay but what about his side. My cousin insistently says ranch, not understanding. Waiter doesn't know what to say. I tell my cousin, like fries or okra. My cousin realizes and orders his side.
The waiter holds out his hand to take his menu and my cousin grabs his hand and shakes it. The waiter seemed to have died of awkwardness but I couldn't help but laugh at the whole ordeal. My cousin apologized to the waiter but I've never let him live it down.
I was young at the time this happened but old enough to know better. Like 10? I was eating some white chocolate covered pretzels and playing on a chalkboard in the living room with my family. Grandma, uncles aunts etc. I got confused and took a bite out of the chalk instead of the pretzel...instead of spitting it out. I crunched that sucker up and swallowed....i was really thirsty after that.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:51:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically I was born, then it was just too awkward to course correct so I've been living a disaster of a dumpster fire of a life for 30 years.
I was a senior in high school and had stomach pain for about a week. I complained about it some at home, but thought it was gas and didn't ask to go to the doctor. While in school on Veterans day, it got REALLY bad...like doubled over bad. Rather than go to the nurse, like a normal human, I ask a friend for a quarter so I can call my mom to get her to call the office for an early dismissal. She agreed, but says I have to walk home (about 1 mile). After an hour or so I make it home, pale as a ghost and looking a little ragged from pain. Mom realizes this might be an issue and we go to the doc...not the er, because I'm trying to play it cool. Several hours later I'm in emergency surgery for a burst appendix, with another surgery a week later due to sepsis...all because I wouldn't go to the nurse and didn't want my mom to know I was in major pain.
If i was invited to an event in a part of town where it's hard to find a parking space, after ten minutes of looking i simply drive away and go home. It has become a regular thing to just miss things because i can't park.
I accidentally mistook a total stranger for a friend and started giving him a shoulder rub. He looked at me like I was crazy, and rather than explain my mistake, I panicked and started to act like I was mentally challenged. Unfortunately he bought it and tried helping me do various tasks. Now trapped, I had to continue acting the part until I finally just ran away....
utahrd37 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?! How did you pretend to be mentally challenged? What tasks did he try to help you do?
He was playing an arcade game when I started massaging his shoulders. When he turn around, and glared at me, I contorted my hands and face and smiled at him goofily. He then looked at me apologetically and paid for a game for me and helped guide the controls. I kept trying to get a game over so I could leave but he kept guiding my controls back on course. It was a painful 3 minutes.
esangelz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:24:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a job interview I was given a glass of water with ice. As I drank they asked me a question and an ice cube was in my mouth. I swallowed the ice cube whole instead of crushing it because I didnโt want to make noise. It hurt.
I had a class with this guy and we would hang out and smoke sometimes, and I always forgot his name. I would realize that I forgot it, and try to think of a slick way to get him to tell me. I had heard of a trick (thanks internet), just ask them how to spell their name and boom, there it is. He said, โUm, J-o-h-n. You know, like John.โ Not slick at all, I was like, โOh, interesting, you know some people spell it J-o-n, hahaha (slowly dying inside).โ
I mean, that works. My mom teaches a kid named Gian, pronounced like regular John/Jon and honestly, how would you ever know if you didn't ask?
_ROEG ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:28:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably going to be buried cos Iโm late Yaknow. Basically I was 6-7 years old and round my friends house. Iโm that type of guy that gets reaaaaaaally awkward when I need to poo round someone elseโs house and so I decided it would be best to hold this poo in. Lo and behold, my poop storage was getting rather full and boy did I need to go. So yea I shat myself, it dried (I was wearing shorts too, and miraculously it didnโt drip out) and was itchy as hell. Anyway me and my friend go back inside about an hour later of it drying and all I hear is his dad come into the room asking why the house smelled like dog shit, so this mother fucker gets on his hand and knees and starts going round smelling everything until he gets to me, looks me dead in the eye and goes โhave you shit yourself?!โ I sheepishly nodded and ended up having a bath, Iโve no idea how my friend managed to keep it to himself because I never heard of it again....worst thing that ever happened to me.
When I was a kid, I visited my best friend's house for the first time. I had go poop, but I was too shy to ask where the toilet was. So I let it out in my pants... Asked my mom if we can go, so no one would notice. She eventually noticed the smell when driving us home.
Cadams06 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:45:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a counselor at a methadone clinic. A cop returned one of our clients in handcuffs to get her dose before she went to jail. She was sitting in a chair crying while the nurse prepared her medication. The cop began asking me personal questions about my own experience with drug use in front of my coworkers. During an awkward silence, I bent down and kissed the client on the head. There were gasps.
I was on a night out with a friend dancing and drinking. Now my friend is a bit of a slut and decided she wanted some D so asked me to be her wingman. Whatevs Iโm a girl this should be easy. She picks a guy and I go talk to his friend. Heโs pretty cool, buys me a drink and seems quite funny. I did say to him Iโm only being the wingman cause my friend wants to dick your buddy. He laughs and is like thatโs fine Iโm only wing manning too.
A little time passes, Iโm still being a best bro wingman but I canโt find my friend anywhere. We have a quick look round the club and canโt find them. So Iโm like right weโll, theyโve gone so.. intending to say โso thanks for the drinks but Iโm offโ but before I could finish my sentence heโs like โguess itโs just you and me then!!!โ
My throat dries up and Iโm like โErrrr cool I just err... need to go to the bathroomโ thinking I could just shrug him off in there but then heโs like โthatโs fine no worries I will wait RIGHT HERE (opposite the door) for you. I wonโt leave you alone donโt worry!โ
So I spent an hour and a half sat on a toilet calling a different friend who was in bed to get up, get dressed and get to the club and I had to wait there until New friend called me from the other side of the bathroom door to let me know the coast was clear.
This actually just happened the other day. I was at Walgreens picking up my prescription and I saw this guy shopping around who looked familiar and quickly realized it was my uncle. My first instinct was to look at the floor and pretend I didnโt see him.
I thought I made it out unseen, but he texted my mom later: โI just saw Hbabygirl at Walgreens, but she pretended she didnโt see me, so I just left her alone.โ
I feel bad :(
Rikolas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:42:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can answer on behalf of my friend.
When we were kids, younger than 10, he was round my house and shit himself. He knew where the toilet was, but I think I remember he had some issue with being too nervous to go without asking? (like school brain washed him?) and too nervous to ask, so didn't.
Anyway - I could smell him, he smelt like shit. He eventually went to the bathroom and was acting fine afterwards, and no longer smelt like shit.
Years later my mum is fitting a new carpet into the bathroom and underneath the carpet round the back of the toilet are some shit stained underwear stashed away that had his name tag on them ...
...here we go! I worked overseas for about a year and a half and completely shut down any personal or romantic life. Completely absorbed myself in my job. I moved back to America and still hadn't thought much about living normal again. While on a work trip, one of my superiors pointed out that I'm a young man in my prime and should be on Tinder spreading my wild oats. I begrudgingly went to swiping. Got a match with a young lady that I thought was drop dead gorgeous. Of course, I haven't really initiated a conversation with romantic intentions in over a year, so I decide I can't message her because she's intimidating and beautiful. Shockingly she messages me first! And it turned out she was such a sweet person. We hit it off and I find out she's my dream girl. Tatted, pierced, friendly, liked poker, liked anime, liked video games, shared the same top three movies, cinematography major, she was perfect! Everything I want in a girl and more. Fast-forward a few weeks. I tell her I'd like to make the hour and a half drive to come visit her. I make the drive and she ended up flaking without even meeting me. Was completely understanding told her "Hey, you have your own life and you shouldn't put it on pause for some loser you met over Tinder." I thought this got me a lot of brownie points. Self-esteem a little downtrodden I somewhat decide to let her go. Fast-forward a couple of weeks, tell her that I'd be down to try and see her again. She agrees and I floor it down the interstate to meet her. I didn't end up getting there until something like 11:30 PM. We can't go anywhere or do anything because everything is closed. She says that she'd invite me up to her room for Netflix and Chill, but her roommate just went to sleep so we couldn't. We make the decision to sit outside her dorm building a just chat. I thought it went really well. At about 3 AM, she says that she had class in the morning and needed to get to bed. So I walk with her toward an even junction between my car and her dorm room. I say "Whelp, I guess you should probably get to bed since you have class and everything." But she kept the conversation going. It struck me as odd. I eventually realized she was waiting for me to make a move. I thought, "Bro! Bro! You should totally lay a kiss on her!" "No you idiot! You've known her for a couple of hours it'd be too much!" "Okay, hug her?" "Naw, you wuss that'd be way too weak!" "Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! Fuck!" I panic and grab her very aggressively by wrist. Raise her arm high in the air and shout "Good Night High Five!" and proceed to give her the dweebiest high five ever. With a look of disbelief she looks at me goes, "Seriously?" I respond, "Yup :l" "Maybe you'll let me see you again after I come back from my next work trip? It was nice meeting you BYE!" and proceed to speed walk toward my car. She lets out another "SERIOUSLY?!" I stop hesitate and think to myself "You fool! She's giving you an opportunity to turn around and fix it!" I shout back to her "I'm sorry! I really liked meeting you! Good night!" I get home and go to sleep hoping for the best. I text her in the morning apologizing for being a nerdy loser. No response. I put it out of my head and finish my work trip. I text her again. "Sorry, I'm seeing someone else."...FUCK!
tl;dr met the girl of my dreams and instead of laying a big ol' smooch on her I high five her and ruin any chance I have getting with probably any woman ever
At my dad's we have a porch near the house. Since we don't have a toilet inside, we piss outside. When my dad and his friends are hanging out in the porch I'm too embarrassed to go out the front door to take a piss. So I just climb out the window and walk all the way around metal gear solid style and take the piss.... Then climb back through the window and pretend nothing ever happened.
See that's the thing, You thought no one saw you. Let me tell you how wrong you are though. I was there, I saw you take that piss. You thought you were so good and got away with it, but you were wrong, I saw it all. You can't hide it from me. You think you can post that shit here on reddit and get some sweet karma? Think again buddy, I'm here to expose you.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:35:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 12. My sister (17) had an exchange student from France at home. She stayed at her room. The door to her room and mine were directly in front of each other, and we shared a bathroom. I still managed to never actually meet her, not even once! Not one word... nothing! for 3 whole fucking weeks she stayed at my house.
THe worst part was that one day, my mom asked me to get in the car. I got in and then the french grol got in... We were going to drop her off to the airport. I couldn't do nything... so I just said "Hi" And rode silently for one hour to the airport sitting right next to her.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:14:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fail my math class because I couldn't find the class on the first day and I didn't wanna go in late but I didn't want to be the girl no one knew because I wasn't there the first day so I never went to class.
Wanted to post the confused Travolta gif meme in a Facebook thread and didn't find anything that had a neutral background. Then I found this one with a red curtain and a zigzag flooring and posted it.
Suddenly, a guy I liked commented "TWIN PEAKSโก" on it. I was confused, googled it and was like "Shit. It was a reference." yet he seemed so enthusiastic about it that I couldn't tell him that it was a mistake.
So I quickly check our local library's website and searched if they had the show in there. It was gone. Reserved it immediately. I would see that guy at a party in a week and was scared he'd try to talk to me about Twin Peaks.
Time passes, the party comes and he asks about Twin Peaks. I try to explain that I've tried to look for it but it hasn't been available at the library in a long time. Suddenly, he actually tells me that he has the first two seasons and he could give them to me for some time.
And before you know it, I was watching Twin Peaks and had something to talk about to him and the show became my favourite series I've ever seen. Even more time passes and we find out we are both interested in each other and nowadays we're dating.
So, YAY AWKWARDNESS.
2themax9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:07:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time i yawned and burped at the same time and didnt know what to do, i didnt want people to think i was wierd, so i pretended i started to choke and let out a spree of coughs.
During my Freshman year of college, the dorms were set up with communal bathrooms. I was way too anxious to poop knowing at any time, one or more of the 22 girls I shared this bathroom with could walk in. So once a day I went to the gym across campus because the girls locker room in the basement was almost always empty. I lost like 50 pounds that year thanks to that gym lol
I had friends over to hang out but I had only invited a couple of them and they had thought they could bring whoever so a small get together turned into a mini party and at one point, being my usual introverted self, I was too tired and lazy and didn't want to kick people out so I just went upstairs and went to sleep after telling them I was going to use the restroom. Apparently they were looking for me and stayed like an extra hour but it didn't cross their minds to check my room. I regret nothing.
I was buying a game at a midnight release, and when I got to the counter the clerk asked me for my phone number. I rattled off the first six and then blanked on what the last four digits of my own god damn phone number were. Instead of admitting my tiredness and forgetfulness, I improvised the last four. He typed it in and of course nothing came up, so he asked for my name. He searched again and said "I have you hear under ###-###-correct-last-four-digits." I passed on a second chance to admit my mistake and instead replied "Oh, that's my OLD number, the new one is the one I just told you."
The worst part is that I had to repeat this process the next time I went in to have them change it back to my correct number. Probably the most unnecessary and awkward deception I've ever had to pull.
Xalgenos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:38:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But now if you ever call that store, the number won't match with the one on file and you'll either have to admit your ruse or never call the store ever.
I had just finished law school and started working at a law firm. They had just set up my office phone. Feeling proud of having my office phone showing my name, i decided to call myself using my cell phone. Right as my office phone starts ringing (from the call i made on my cell phone) one of the partners of the firm walks in to my office to talk to me. He tells me to go ahead and answer the call as he stands at my door waiting.
I proceed to answer my own call, have a pretend conversation with myself and then say goodbye.
I had a crush on a boy in 4th grade and itโs Valentineโs Day. I wanted to give him a love heart lollipop but I was far too embarrassed so my Mum suggested that I bring a whole bag of them and give them out to all my classmates. Great idea! Valentineโs Day comes and Iโm on the playground handing out these lollipops. Everything is lining up perfectly - my crush even walks over and asks if he can have one - but I got overwhelmed with the idea that heโd know that I liked him so I said nooo! in the most offended way possible and proceeded to handout lollipops to the rest of my peers..
I was in a huge packed theatre with my then gf at the premiere of Prince of Persia. Just before the movie started a movie presenter came in and explained how we could win a prize if we answered a question correctly, but the answer was not to be shouted out. Instead we should raise a hand and he would pick the winner. He then asks the theatre whoโs playing the male lead in Prince of Persia. Immediately I blurt out the answer in a dead-silent saloon like the bully in the back of a classroom finally knowing the real answer to a question. I could feel the gaze of hundreds of people penetrating me from all angles. The employee condescendingly points out my mistake but throws me the shitty prize anyway. Instead of recognizing my wrongdoing and apologizing I nonchalantly pass along the prize to my gf without looking at her, saying โHere, take thisโ.
When I was 8 my family and I were staying at the home of friends who lived at a beach town. I went number 2 in their toilet, only to find the toilet wouldn't flush. My Mom was out with their Mom, and I was too shy to ask for help, so after a long, long, time I had this brainwave: lift the lid off the back of the toilet and place the turds into the toilet tank. That was decades ago, and I have often wondered since, how long it took for someone to open the tank and find the poop.
I was at a goodwill when I saw one of my old coworkers that was really my bestfriend at work. We could talk for hours! I hadnโt seen him in like 3 months so I thought it would be awkward, so I just hid behind a clothes rack, and got my girlfriend to tell me when he was gone.
I did an interview for university applications once and was so nervous and awkward that I knocked a plant over when I was entering the room. I immediately dropped to the ground and tried to clean the mess up while one of the interviewers tried to stop me so that we can get on with the interview.
Then later, in response to the common "why do you want to come to the university" question, I froze and despite all the reading up about the university I did the night before, said "oh, because it looked like a castle".
I cringed and the interviewers laughed awkwardly and said "like in Harry Potter?" By then I was just so embarrassed that I agreed even though I didn't think of Hogwarts at all. Got to be thankful to them for trying to save me from crashing and burning though..
I was on a brisk fall hike in a public wooded area. My asshole was itchy (these things happen) and was rounding a bend in the path thinking this would be my opportunity to give it scratch since I was semi-regularly passing people and hadn't had sufficient privacy for what felt like forever to get a little relief. I look behind me and up ahead and there was no one. It took several seconds to remove my glove, lift my long coat up, get my hand between layers of thermal underwear and pants when I got the distinct feeling there was someone coming up the path behind me. I turned around and sure enough there was someone within seeing-distance of my shame, who had caught me with my hand down my pants. Without much recourse I simply ran away. I ran down the path ahead of us and eventually up into some smaller paths into the woods. I didn't outrun my shame, though...
I had a job interview when I was 16 at a โproper trendyโ clothes shop. I had a super bad ear infection and could only hear out of one ear at the time, but I didnโt want to admit I had an ear infection because I thought Iโd seem gross and not a viable potential employee. (Because how dare I get poorly? Right?)
So instead of simply saying โsorry could you speak up? I have an ear infection.โ I decided to Google what bands were playing in our city the night before, turns out The Vaccines had played so I told my interviewer that I couldnโt hear too well because Iโd been stood next to the speakers at a gig the night before.
He then asked me โwhat gig?โ and I told him that Iโd been to see The Vaccines and when he replied โoh awesome! What venue was it at?โ I absolutely panicked as I hadnโt researched that part of my lie, and I couldnโt just make up the venue incase he later googled the gig or knew someone who had actually attended it, and so would catch me in my lie, so I went on to ramble โTHE ACADEMY? MAYBE? MAYBE THE RITZ? COULDโVE BEEN SOUND CONTROL?? HAHA I DONT KNOW I WAS SO DRUNKโ
Needless to say I didnโt get the job as I lied out my arse, and dropped a โI was drunk even though Iโm two years under the legal age and Iโm probably hungover right nowโ bomb despite the fact I JUST HAD AN EAR INFECTION.
the 3rd day of grade 12 I was late and pretty much sprinted into my film and video class, I sat down only to realize 5 minutes later that this was not my class as I recognized none of these people, instead of leaving I stayed for the whole hour and actually completed a few pieces of homework, even had the teacher come up to me and ask me if I was new to this class, I reassured him I was.
[deleted] ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 15:57:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh, I bet this thread will get to the front page.
In the 6th grade I made a kid hate me because I thought he was cute so I wanted to talk to him. But all I could talk about was my cat. He was not fond of me as a person.
philbofa ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:01:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The apartment I live in is in front of a really big road and it's nearly impossible to make a left turn out of as there are no stop lights. So one day a girl I was dating came over and we made plans to go to Red Lobster, where I would have to make a left turn to get there. Well, as I'm waiting, two cars pull up behind me waiting to make a left turn and I get nervous because I keep imagining them saying "Fuck he could've turned already." So I switch my blinker to the right, make a right turn and go to a gas station, pretend to fill up my full tank for two minutes, use the stoplight at THAT intersection to make a left back on to the road, and proceed to Red Lobster a half hour late. I think deep down she knew but just didn't say anything.
This happened two years just after my first year of university. I had a small HP blue netbook that I'd had for maybe a year or so, still in sound working order. I happened to spill red wine all over the keyboard one night while drunk. I quickly soaked it all up with kitchen towels, then just continued whatever I was doing. Went to sleep, laptop was dead in the morning. Took the laptop to a local repair place, collected my receipt, the guy said come back for it in like 3 days after we've taken a look and given it a diagnostic.
I never went back. Seriously, just left my laptop in the shop lol. In all fairness, it was probably completely fucked anyway. Ended up buying a much more expensive Toshiba a few weeks later.
When I was like 6 I went to a sleep over where I was the only guest, and I accidentally wet the bed (that I was sharing with the host) during the night. The next day she blamed her little dog and punished it for peeing on her bed. I still feel guilty to the little dog.
There are 4+ people that are..."enemies" of mine that live in my apartment complex at my university. One of which lives right across from me. I've had long hair most of my life...I hadn't gotten a haircut in years. I got my hair cut SUPER SHORT so they wouldn't recognize me instead of confronting them...
ohhfasho ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:42:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 28 and went to the dentist for the first time in 15 years. Already dreading the small talk, the dentist asked what I do for a living. I told him I was in dental school. I am not in dental school. My friend applied to dental school once, years ago and that's how I came up with the answer. I then scrambled and fumbled my words like a fucken idiot and tried explaining to him that I'm not actually in dental school but my friend applied once and I just got confused at his question. I felt the need to clear it up with him incase he asked me real dental questions I could not answer. The next hour was stupid awkward.
trillex ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:05:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, a friend of mine asked if he could borrow a game he'd been really looking forward to playing. This was during the summer vacation, so I couldn't just bring it to school.
I figured we'd play it together and hang out so my mother dropped me off at his place, some 5 km away. Knocked on his door, his mom answered and I asked if he was home. She simply pointed to his door and left me in the entry hall.
So, awkwardly, I had to go up and knock on his door and it just felt weird, interrupting someone in their own room for some reason. He opened the door, saw me and simply asked what I was doing there.
I didn't know how to answer such a simple question so I hand him the game. He lights up, says thanks and closes the door again.
I stood there for what felt like forever, wishing I was everywhere else, stuck between a friend I hadn't visited alone before and a mother I barely knew who seemed to despise me. I finally found some courage and knocked on his door again. He opened again and I quickly said my mother have driven off, probably figuring I was staying here for a while. Gave her the blame with an awkward laugh to try to save face.
He just said "Oh." and kept the door open as he sat back at his computer, installing the game. I stood behind him and he asked me if I had been standing out there for 5 minutes. I said no, face red but he didn't seem to notice it.
I saw him play for a good 30 minutes with not a word said. I felt like the biggest, most awkward burden in the world.
After what felt like an eternity, I figured he hated me being there so I went out of his room, him barely noticing and hid beneath the staircase, leading up to his room. Most likely thinking if I was hidden, no one would think of me and I'd not be a burden. I sat there for a long time until he decided to go find me. He called but I said nothing, trying to hold my breath.
He eventually found me and with a laugh, he asked what the hell I was doing under there. I shrugged, came out and watched him play some more.
Now, I really wanted to call my mother to pick me up, but I dared not say a word, didn't want to be a burden, so I never asked for a phone. Instead I decided to go out of his room again, not saying a word, almost sneaking.
I figured I'd just wait the 3 hours until my mother picks me up outside his house, but didn't want it to seem that I had left because he wasn't paying attention to me.
So I left my shoes and jacket inside and went out into the rain. I leaned against the door, just waiting and looking for my mother's car in the distance.
Suddenly the door opened and I fell backwards hard, smashing the back of my head.
I started wailing and it wouldn't stop, the pain, the shock, the awkwardness of the entire situation just bubbled over and I wept. His mother came out, scooped me up in her arms and planted me in their couch and gave me a soda as the crying just became sobs. She examined me gently, motherly but nothing to see. My friend was nowhere to be seen, probably playing in his room.
His mother called mine and she picked me up quickly after. I have never told anyone this.
Fuck feeling like a burden and not knowing how to act normal.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:11:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God that friend was a huge dick, I'm sorry that happened to you.
One time at Chipotle, they put hot sauce on the burrito when I specifically asked them not to. Instead of confronting them and asking them to fix it, which they would have absolutely done, I threw it in the trash and got back in line.
Lol. Fuck Chipotle. You ask them to drain the bean broth and they barely take out any and soak the tortilla in wet beans. You say you just want a little sour cream and they gob that shit on there. You ask for quesorito style and they look at you like you're an alien. Any what's up with that nasty fire salsa anyway? They can Chipotle in hell.
Lol, I once got like $50 worth of extra shit (lityle designs and like gel or something?) That I had no intention of getting just because I couldn't understand the nail techs questions through her super thick accent. They looked horrible but I was in to deep to tell her to stop.
ManMan36 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember writing lowercase es twice as big so that I wouldn't have to go between the lines on kindergarten line paper
I was in a Walmart in an area I was NOT familiar with. My phone had also died while I was in the store. I used my phone's GPS to get to the Walmart and was planning to use it on the way back, too. However, now without a charger, I couldn't use my phone. The mobile chargers they sold were waaay too expensive compared to what I could buy on Amazon.
So instead of spending the extra money at the time in a situation where I actually needed a mobile charger, I decided to use one of the laptops there to look up directions. So I look up the directions and think, "Okay, I should be fine, I just have to make sure I remember when to turn left and when to turn right, then I'm on the main highway"
So, now having the directions fresh in my head, I doubt myself and ask the next Walmart associate I see for directions. I tell him where I want to go, he confuses me with his directions, and for whatever reason I pretend that I understood and thanked him for help.
I got lost for at least an hour, couldn't see well, it was dark outside and the oncoming headlights were blinding because of the smudges on the windshield. I ended up running into someone's trash can. I did not stop to check to pick it up or check for damage because of panic / embarrassment / fear. I know that people saw what I did. I felt so horrible and ashamed of myself for multiple reasons as I should have, I was having a bad day and let my emotions / awkwardness control my actions.
That would have been a good idea, didn't think of it. I was just outraged at the lack of selection and poor prices that Walmart had so I decided against it, but yeah if I ever find myself in a similar situation (unlikely) that's what I'll do.
I had a wee in a bush on campus, turned out it was a hotspot for smoking weed. Figure I'd crouch until a group of guys finished their joint. They smoked three joints and I couldn't feel my legs because it had been too long for me to come forward and explain myself.
I'm very sweaty. The guy I'm currently dating is also very sweaty. I'm a p normal weight and shape, just....sweaty. I have many a time arrived maaaaany minutes early to dates or meetings so as not to get there sweaty, then hung around wherever was nearby.
I got an email from our college's radio station talking about a meeting about new people. And since I was one of the station's newscasters, I went, figuring that it pertained to me since I was still a first year. Nope. It was an interest meeting, and I felt too awkward to leave. So I listen to all the upperclassmen I already know give the same spiel I've already heard, tour the department I'm already in, and just kind of stayed quietly in the back.
The kicker was that it was the first time I met our faculty advisor; he never came to our other meetings, but he was there and he just kept pushing me to talk to everyone else and ask questions. One of the upperclassmen broke the news about me after. Turns out I was one of his favorite newscasters....
I was having horrible stomach cramps one day. My boss was giving me one of these long-ass "you're an idiot and I'm going to read you a thesis I wrote about it" lectures. Instead of saying, "Hey, excuse me for one second because I'm not feeling well" I totally sharted.
I still work for him.
baref00t ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:49:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was in junior high i was sleeping over at my friends place and i woke up and really had to piss. Unfortunately for my younger, more awkward self his parents were up and about and i really didnt want to have to interact with them. Luckily for me he had a sink in his room. That goes down till this day as the most tense and stealthy piss ive ever taken.
2 of my roommates are in a couple and one day they started arguing. It went on for a very long time. So rather than go to the bathroom and risk seeing them, I decided to try pee out the window. Well I was a little bit too short to clear the window and ended up wiping pee off my window sill for quite a while.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:17:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always do stuff myself, even if i have no clue. Because i never ask for help.
KewCrew ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:18:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was invited to a party in high school where I knew like 2 people. I was extremely awkward and didn't talk to anybody. I was too afraid to leave and make a scene so I sat by myself on the couch with a dead phone until everyone left
Skay_4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:30:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was out with by boss at the time and a coworker, we went to a drive through to get some burgers and he insisted on buying me 2 massive burgers. I couldnโt even finish one. Instead of carrying the bag up and throwing them away at his place, I was too scared to let him know I wasted his money so I stuffed them in my coat pockets and acted like I ate them. I saw him glance at the pocket bulge a couple times...he knew.
My friend invited me to a party but he was the only one that was going to be there that I really knew/liked.
The party would have usually been a little over 2 hours away, and I planned on going after work.
Buy that day I was at a training about an hour closer to the party, but I decided to drive down right after anyway figuring the traffic at 4:00 on a Thursday outside of New Brunswick would hold me up till 6:00.
So I get there at 5:00 and instead of just going in like a normal person I drove to a diner and sat in the parking lot listening to podcasts for an hour, then I found out my friend was gonna be late so I ended up just driving around Ocean County for about an hour, got gas, and went the party.
I was on my way to work. When it was time to get off, I felt too awkward to tell the driver that I couldn't find my phone. I got off and hoped that I had it in my jacket or bag somewhere, but I didn't.
When I was 11, I forgot three tennis rackets belonging to my parents at a friend of a friend's house. Didn't wanna go back and get them because I didn't know the guy well enough and was too shy. I'm 30 now and still haven't ask for them back. Parents also forgot about them.
If I'm trying to go somewhere and I feel like I've been walking behind the same person for a while, I just go a different route because I don't want them to think I'm stalking htem.
Plenty of times Iโve waited in line like 10 minutes to use the toilet in some random place because the I canโt use the ones hanging on the wall. Iโm just standing there watching like 20 people come in, look at me like are you gonna take that spot or...? And Iโm just staring at the toilet door, only to pee for 20 seconds while holding my breath because some dude took a giant shit for half an hour.
Sometimes when I do this while drunk Iโm really not sure how long it takes but it feels like my friends have aged by the time I come back.
mike6452 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:59:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend backed into my neighbors car. He told me he did it. They came over later that day asked if i knew when they caught me outside. I said no bit ill go ask my parents. After about 10 mins I went back outside and fessed up and blamed it on social awkwardness
Every time I see someone using a urinal in the bathroom, I use a stall so I don't have to pee next to them. If the stalls are full, I awkwardly walk to the sink, wash my hands, then leave.
Red-Tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with you on this one.
I'm down for having just stalls in public bathrooms and abolishing urinals.
I have a difficult time sending food back to the kitchen (partially because I'm awkward, partially because I've worked in kitchens and don't want to be a pain in the ass).
I ordered a personal size pizza that ended up being way spicier than I had anticipated, so proceeded to power through the pain and eat the entire thing because I didn't want to talk to the wait staff and have them see how much of a wimp I was.
It was my second day in junior high and I had just moved to a different state. I was late to history class and wasnt 100% sure the class I was heading into was mine so I walked past it. Upon confirming that it was I didn't want to be that new guy that arrived late so I went to the bathroom and stayed in a stall until class was over...
meganpv ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:35:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked into restaurant, go up to counter. Waiting politely for woman to ask "what can I get you?" Or something along the lines of that. She never does. I give up and leave
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:42:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was a kid (around 5 or 7), my cousin was visiting with my brother and I was very shy around extended family. I had to use the bathroom and his room was right next to the bathroom. For some reason, I just could not handle the thought of them hearing me pee. So I pissed right there on the couch. Fully clothed.
In my first year of uni, I was 10 minutes late to my first class. I turned around and went home because I was too awkward to walk in late. I didn't turn up the next week because I'd missed the first one and was too shy to be the new kid when everyone already knew each other. Repeat for 7 weeks.
Erection time. So I was like 12 years old in a middle school gym class while the teacher took role. We were sitting in rows outside and the girl in front of had some boobies and I was fornicating her mentally. Well I got a solid erection going when it was time for us to get up and run laps, having an erection I had to stay seated while everyone else left. Everyone knew.
avenp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, at my last job, I forgot the combination to my locker and instead of informing someone I locked my work laptop in a locker I took my lunch break to buy a lock cutter and cut the lock off.
Taking a shitload of clothes into the dressing room, so it doesn't look weird that I need 20 minutes to decide if I want to buy one specific clothing item.
Crimsai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guy at the counter told me to tap my card on the scanner. I did this without thinking about how I don't have a contactless card. I had to just keep going with it and leave without my stuff cause I was too nervous just to admit what had happened.
I have bad anxiety, it was my first time getting the bus in a new city and you can just tell the driver where you're going and he'll tell you the correct amount but me being me freaked out and ended up paying ยฃ8 for a weekly ticket when it'd have cost me ยฃ1 to get to where I needed to go.
Once, in the waiting room at my (then) new therapist'sโ office (it was a shared office with no receptionist) one of the other therapists popped her head out the door, and upon seeing me there, she asked who I was waiting for. I, of course, immediately blanked on the name of my therapist, and in an instant moment of awkward panic I feigned a coughing fit while I tried to remember the name. I thoroughly startled the lady to the point she thought I was choking and offered me a glass of water.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got up and walked out of the room during 2012 presidential debate because I was uncomfortable that the candidates kept interrupting each other.
I get a free lunch at work but I'm not sure how much the allowance is and I made a mistake once and the cashier pulled me up on it. I have eaten elsewhere and paid for my lunch for 4 years now.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:08:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was too nervous to wake up my mother from her nap by going into her room and saying "hey mom, wake up" so I went on a walk to the store, and this was in the winter so it was really dark outside and I called her from the store.
Bought severely overpriced items from stores (think phone charger from a gas station) because Iโm too embarrassed to say something once itโs been rang up.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:54:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm walking home and about to cross a street and a car rolls up, I just turn down the other block instead of crossing the street because I don't want them to have to stop for me
Instead of staying inside the lobby of a theatre before a show and being social I went outside and called a friend and had a nervous breakdown about how nice the house manager was.
I was on the high school golf team. We were out of town playing a tournament and I had the bubble guts. We were about to tee off on the next hole when I suddenly get the urge to drop a duce. The nearest port-a-potty was two holes away. So instead of trying to hold it, or going to the normal bathroom, I purposely hit my drive into the woods. I hit it deep enough in the woods that I went to search for my ball and dropped my pants then grabbed a tree and proceed to drop my guts out of my b hole. But then I didnโt have anything to wipe with, so I had the brilliant idea of wiping with my boxers and stuffing them deep in my golf bag. Eventually when I got to the port-a-potty I rushed in and ditched the boxers down the hole and finished the rest of the clean up with some TP. I proceeded to free ball it the rest of the tournament and had a great round after that. Such great memories.
In highschool I attented this event at a mall, a local celebrity was going to perform and there was a lot of people. The host had the audience play a game of Bring Me before said celebrity shows up, something like an ice breaker. Whatever.
Host said to bring her a school ID. Without really thinking, I sprinted upfront, my school ID in hand, and I was on stage with a mic shoved to my face.
"Oh wow, you're from (school name)" says the host. I happened to be from a well-known private school. "So how's the quality of the education there?".
"Uhhh, not that good?"
It was a great school but awkward me just realized I was on stage getting judged by the entire audience.
Peed in the bushes behind a german gas station because I didn't have any Euros to tip the bathroom attendant. I hadn't exchanged any money yet, so all I had was dollars. I had hauled ass out of the airport in my cheap Citroen rental, just wanting to get out! The thought that the attendant probably would have been cool with a couple of greenbacks didn't enter my jetlagged brain once.
Sooooo...
I work at a scout camp in the summers, and we do some firewood collecting and brush clearing every now and then. Because the hatchets, saws, and clippers were all extremely dull, I bought myself a machete. It was an amazing, work saving, effective tool that I love (and still use). Until I hit my knee with it. I cut into the actual joint of my knee, and nicked my tibia. Not a small injury. I spent several seconds trying to figure out how to call for help, and instead of screaming or yelling, I kinda just said, "Uhhh... I need to go to, um, first aid." Fortunately, someone was close enough to hear me. That person happened to be one of the female staff members, who was visiting from another country. She had a more appropriate reaction, and ran off screaming to get help. Meanwhile, I tried to walk down the hill I was standing on, on my now injured leg. I proceeded to casually joke with everyone giving me first aid, and as they carried me off, I yelled "Keep up the good work!" They all laughed, and they still tease me about it.
Phoeptar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:48:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I followed an employee around Home Depot for half an hour as he showed me everything they sold in relation to home lighting, in multiple departments across the store, all because I initially asked about LED strips for a lightsaber I was making for a cosplay. All because when he asked what it was for I said ... my kitchen?
I was trying real hard for four years not to show any signs of obsession with one guy in our class, but instead what other girls do, I suppose, flirt and work on their appearance, I was transforming myself into him. I would laugh in a way he laughs, and that was pretty odd because sometimes he would push drink, like Cola or something through his nose. It would sound like pig's squeel. One special time I had a flu, they were making jokes and laughing all together and I was sitting alone in my corner as usual (introvert), and heard all that and it was so funny I could not stop myself and pushed my nasal secretgreen mucus through nose. Luckily, I was totally invisible for everybody so I just wiped it.
People are usually confused whether to call me by my first or middle name, so whenever people ask I kinda stutter for a bit then say "whichever is good for you"...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk an extra 6 blocks to turn around because i didn't want people to think i was lost
I wrecked my car shortly after highschool and have had to ride around on a crappy bike since. I was on the way to my friends house to light up, and I saw someone I used to go to school with driving on the road next to me. I had to cross the road but since she was there, I chose not to and ended up taking a turn I didn't need to and rode in a circle to come back and cross at the same crosswalk so she wouldn't have a reason to notice me.
neraf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent arond 98% of my break time at high school inside of a bathroom thinking about online games and how much I wanted to end my life. One day the janitor started camping outside of the bathroom and I was so pissed because I thought that because of some horny teenagers I was forced to interact with people... It wasn't because of them...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:28:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Enjoy your meal, Sir"
"Y-You too"
Gotmilk5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friends was new to the uni we go to and she got onto the wrong bus to her dorm and rode it a whole loop for two hours downtown and back to where she started.
This guy who was in my orientation class at work asked me out and I said no, for some reason I felt really embarrassed about it and didn't want to see him at all again. We worked in different departments so it was rare we'd have a run-in. But one day I was walking down the hall in the hospital we worked at and saw him approaching, so I turned immediately right and walked into the open elevator that happened to be there. I rode it up to the 5th floor, then realized if I rode right back down he might be there waiting to come up, so I got off and awkwardly hung around the nursing station for a few minutes before wandering off to a stairwell at the opposite end of the floor. When I got downstairs I took a super roundabout way back to my office and luckily didn't see him anywhere!
At graduation one of my friends said congrats but he was at another row and the line was moving fast so I quickly said thanks and nothing else. I probably should have congratulated him too.
Also this I'd not exactly on topic but this also happened because I suck at communication. My mom was texting me in another language and I was talking to my friend about food. She said "cheddar cheese doesn't taste good" me being a cheese lover, I said "you don't taste good." Then I realized what I said in front of a whole bunch of classmates that were all listening to us.
caztk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:44:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my parents were repairing the upstairs toilet, so it didn't flush but being the household idiot I forgot this. In my defence I was in the middle of hearing my friend rant over the phone, of course I took a shit and not wanting to be yelled at by my parents I fucking scooped the shit out and CARRIED it over to the next bathroom instead of telling them.
I hate being late for things, so much so that I normally show up like 15 minutes early. I made a doctors appointment recently for 8:00am. I showed up at 7:30 because I overestimated traffic. They weren't open yet. The office is located in a hospital, so I just went and sat in the bathroom down the hall from the office. It was a 1 person bathroom, people came and knocked and I was too embarrassed to say anything or to leave because I had been in there for too long at this point and the office wouldn't open until 8. I guess someone went and got a janitor because they thought no one was in there and the door was just locked. The janitor knocked I thought it was just another person, so I didn't say anything, they unlocked the door and I'm just sitting on the toilet, pants up. They looked super embarrassed, I turned beet red and instead of saying anything started to pretend using sign language to make up for the fact that I hadn't said anything to anyone who knocked for the past 20 minutes. I then left the bathroom and had to go stand in front of the neurology office door for another 10 minutes until they opened. Next time I will just sit in my car.
I'm standing at the urinal, and look around to make sure no one is going to stab me, before I unzip to piss. Coworker decides to come in at that moment, and out of all the urinals and toilets, decides to take a stand on the one directly next to me. I pretend to finish pissing, even though I never started, wash my hands, and leave. Idk what it is, but you can't come up behind me, stand quietly next to me with your dick in your hand, and then expect me to be cool about it.
I was meeting with a high up at my company, maybe 0.1% of people are as high up as him. It was a mentor meeting and I'm only 21. So it was a pretty big deal for me to meet with him. My facility is 1,000,000 ft2 . After we were done he goes "Well it was nice meeting with you." He thought I had to go a perpendicular direction as him. Naturally, I walked around the whole building to get to my desk.
Went the wrong direction coming out of the subway in NYC. Instead of turning around, I decided to walk uptown a block then make a left heading east and then make another left heading downtown (the direction I should've travelled in the 1st place). So I get to my 1st left and the street is closed, so I had to walk another block. I went to the next street and made my turn. Get to my 2nd left and there isn't a street there, so I had to walk another block. All told I walked 8 NYC blocks out of the way to avoid simply turning around and walking in the opposite direction.
Was messing around with a ouiji board with friends one night and I tried to get a laugh by pretending to get possessed and fall over all catatonic. Didn't get any laughs and I let it go on far, far too long.
When I was around 7 years old I spent the night at a friends house and ended up wetting the bed. I was way to embarrassed to say anything, so I just slept in my piss until the morning. I lived across the street and left as early as I could without my friend waking up. His mom found the wet sheets and called my mom. He made fun of me for a very long time
Zoey2070 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:13:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was so afraid of having to go to the office in middle/high school that i made sure i was never EVER late/absent so i wouldn't have to talk to the secretaries.
I used to work at a pet store and this girl came in and I was helping her pick out dog food. She was a little quirky. If I moved one way she would move the same way. A close talker. So we get up to the register and I'm ringing her out and we're talking and she says thank you for helping me and reaches her hand out as someone would to shake hands. So I shake her hand. Turns out she was reaching for the receipt in my other hand. My face had never gotten so hot in my life. She went along with it but I was mortified the rest of the day!
In grade school I enrolled in a fun summer class on how to cook simple recipes. One day I arrived what I though was on time but no one was there. I walked the halls looking for people. Then I heard footsteps and instead of asking what happened, I hid behind the corner and waiting for the janitor to pass. It happened again as I was walking around, but got caught by the teacher teaching the class. She asked why I was hiding, and I denied it, even though she caught me hiding.
medicff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before my wife and I started dating we were, and still are, best friends. I would ditch the girl I was going out with to hang out with her. We met more or less through our parents. Her dad was a captain of their volunteer fire dept while my dad and I were instructors with our fire dept. So her dad has and always will be in a position of respect.
So where I messed up. Our scout group was camping near their place for the weekend. I donโt poo at scout camp since it was winter and hell no.
I went to my wifeโs parentโs place, where she lived at that time. We were hanging out and all that when I felt the grumbles. By this time I would have been home if I didnโt stop in to say hi. So I went to their bathroom which was just off the hallway right by the kitchen.
I D E S T R O Y E D that toilet. Three days worth of food that had been brewing. After about 30 mins. I came out and was too awkward to turn the loud fan on. So I just closed the door. 15 mins. later my BIL went in there. The smell hit him at the doorway and he just looks at me and goes โWhat. The. Hell. Did you do in here??โ
I forced myself to eat seafood when I didn't like it because my ex boyfriends family made some for my birthday dinner. I didn't know that's what we were having until after I got there. It was gross.
In the 5th grade I was a fat mess. Throughout my whole childhood I was overweight. So for PE class one day we were doing some kinda fitness challenge and we had to do some kind of exercises in groups of ten or so while the other kids watched. I was always getting bullied, hit, called names, just because I was overweight. I was TERRIFIED of doing any kind of exercises in front of anyone because I knew thereโd be all kinds of laughs and remarks. It wasnโt in my head, Iโd get brutally roasted in front of everyone if I participated in PE that day. So whatโd I do? The only thing I could do to get me out of school...I got myself sick. I took a handful of Tylenol, I honestly donโt remember how many, but I took enough that I knew Iโd be sick as a dog the next day. Sure enough I was. I was dry heaving, had the sweats...it was a horrible day. But it beat having to go to school and do PE.
Ugh. 8th grade. Some students including me were changing desks. I ended sitting where a girl just got up from. I saw her long hair on the chair. Instead of brushing the hair away or not caring and sitting anyway, I loudly said, โ oh my god, whos hair is this?โ The girl was sitting behind me, she looked up and said, โare you afraid of hair?โ
Everyone started laughing, including the old teacher. He came up to the front of the class and asked me if I was going to be ok sitting in the chair. Everyone was laughing at me. I had no excuse for why I said that. I sat down.
I once kept multiple full bags of garbage inside my closet because I didn't want anybody to see me walking out of my room with them.
mrakus2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose this isn't too bad but a few days ago I tripped and fell into a patio chair on my front porch. My neighbor who was on his porch a few feet away (rowhomes) witnessed the whole thing and asked if I was okay. To which I replied, "Yeah, sorry about that" as I limped away. Lololol
Missed a lecture due to flu which meant I missed the group mate picking stage for our assignment. Never had the balls to ask to join anyone's group so attempted the work of 4 people on my own. Failed the module and had to redo a year at uni, costing an additional ยฃ9000 ๐
Rummy9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:32:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered takeout from a place that had been open for about 3 years, but it had been 4 or 5 months from when I had last ordered it. I showed up to pick it up and the decor was different and my food wasn't ready yet. I picked up a menu and everything was like 3x more expensive as it used to be. You used to be able to get the lunch Hibachi Chicken for $6.25, but now its over $17 and their website still had the old menu. I peaced out and left when the front desk guy went into the back to get my food.
I never correct someone when they say my name wrong. I just go with it until they figure it out and apologize for the mistake. But I tell them it's no big deal.
My friend slammed her car door on my hand which luckily got trapped in the weather sealing so it wasn't too painful. I didn't want her to feel bad or awkward for hurting me so I pulled my fingers out of the door while it was still closed instead of telling her to open it.
Went to a classmate's birthday party when I was a kid, and was incredibly nervous because I didn't know anyone there except my classmate. When it came time to eat, I was afraid to eat food that strangers had cooked. Everyone kept trying to get me to eat and I wouldn't. My mom didn't feed me before the party because she figured I would eat there. I was so hungry that I started to feel sick. Ended up calling my mom to pick me up early from the party just so I could eat.
I've had a lot of socially awkward moments at parties, but this one is by far the dumbest.
I'm pretty sure you meant accidentally doing awkward things but I'm gonna share this anyway
Where I used to work people always gave me shit because I would put hot sauce on most things I ate and it was really annoying
Well one day the managers brought cupcakes for everyone to celebrate an older workers anniversary of being with the company.
People were making jokes saying I was going to put hot sauce on my cupcake, so I slowly reached into my backpack, got my hot sauce, and drowned my cupcake in it while looking them in the eyes as the room fell silent, and slowly ate my cupcake. First bite I realized how horrible of an idea it was, but I had to keep going because it was too late to stop.
No one ever mentioned me eating hot sauce the rest of the time I worked there.
In my first week at a computer shop as a technician I was working past close with only the owner in the building trying to get caught up on an order. She was in a separate office away from my work area.
When I had processed all the remaining systems I went to ask what to do next. She wasn't there. I checked the building. No one. Doors locked. Alarm on.
I had no contact information for anyone except office numbers and didn't really know any of the employees yet. I waited an hour trying to busy myself hoping someone would return. No one...
So I called the cops and proceeded to explain the situation. They ask if I work there. Well yes...but i didnt know anobody's name and did not have a uniform or anything that would make you think I worked there.
The cops get ahold of the operations manager who calls someone close by with keys. Two minutes later the owner shows up and walks in. I said I didn't know where she went and didn't know what to do next. She said she had just gone for food, thought I'd take longer and if I was done I could leave.
At this point I thought she was the one they called and she was aware of what had happened. Nope. The operations manager got a good laugh after another employee showed up to let me out and then explained what had happened to the owner once I had already left....whoops
I was about 12 when me, my sister, mum, dad, gran, granddad, aunt, uncle, other uncle, other aunt and 3 cousins went out for a meal at some restaurant. I ordered a burger and chips. It arrived. I then removed the top bun, grabbed the salt shaker and accidently poured a patty sized layer of salt all over it. No one saw this happen, so I did the only thing I could to ensure that no one ever knew that I made such a mistake. Quickly slammed the bun down and ate the whole thing as fast as I could. I honestly felt like my heart was about to stop afterwards, it was like I had dunked the whole thing in sea water.
cokoneot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:10:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone asked me what my name was and I wanted them to guess, except I never said "Guess" so I just stood there like a dumbass with a smirk on my face until someone had to answer for me.
I was young and at a truck stop. I used the facilities and to my horror the toilet began to overflow. Instead of going for help I freaked the fuck out and plunged my arm up to my elbow and pulled out the clog. It drained but I was mortified at what I had done. I scaled myself in hot water afterwards in the sink.
I was a really picky eater when I was little-- so when I was in first grade, I ate these two popcorn chickens and I hated them. I was too timid and anxious to spit them out, so I just puffed my cheeks out like a chipmunk for the rest of the day and never talked to anyone. I finally spit them out when I got home.
mdisred2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is cute.
RCatMac ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:20:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't eat lunch for the first three weeks at a new job because I didn't want to ask anyone where the cafeteria was.
Asked a worker in a pet/farming supply store where I could find Hot Shots, looking for the warming packs to put inside my boots. She led me to a locked cabinet containing cattle prods. Instead of explaining that there had been a misunderstanding, I pretended to be looking for cattle prods and tried desperately to get into the character of a cow farmer as she asked me questions about what voltage I was wanting and what type of cattle I had.
Third grade, was taking a test or something. I was done before anyone else and usually waited until someone else finished first to see where to put the tests, (I had trouble hearing as a young girl) but this time I thought, fuck it. I assumed she was going to collect the tests at her desk anyway. So I went up to the teacher with my test in hand and asked her if she was taking them at her desk. She responded "on the floor." So I looked at her confused and she watched me. Then I bent down and put my paper on the floor. "ON THE FLOOR!" She yelled back at me, everyone was staring at us now. "...this is the floor?" I responded. She sighed like I was an idiot. "On the floor next to my big chair" which was on the other side of the room. Fuck you Ms Maple you knew what you were doing. You should have been more fucking specific. I'm a much better teacher than you'll ever dream to be. I don't know if this exactly fits the question I just wanted to get it off my chest
atooch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:38:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember in high school all my friends were really slow, so before/ after school I would always be waiting for them. Rather then awkwardly standing there, I would walk around the school so it looked like I was doing something
When I first started working at this company, I had to ask this older coworker a question. He was working on a machine as I walked up, so not to bother him I stood in the corner of his eye and didn't say anything. He either must have thought I was weird, or was interested in watching him work, or maybe actually he really didn't see me (not sure how), but I stood there for maybe ten minutes just not saying anything and looking at the back of his head.
He finally turned around and looked at me, but in my embarrassed mind he had been purposefully been ignoring me until he couldn't any longer, so I put my finger up to my ear like I was talking on a Bluetooth headset and said, OK THANKS, LOVE YOU TOO, BYE, and walked away without asking my question.
Didn't realize until later that if he did indeed actually notice me and was ignoring me, he clearly would have heard me talking on the phone if I was actually on the phone. Oh and I also cost the company quite a bit of money on a mistake that would not have happened had I asked him the question.
I was in a conversation with someone I hadnโt seen in a long time at a party and she was catching me up on her kids and work and I peed my pants vs excusing myself. I just could not interrupt to excuse myself... kinda forgot about that. Thanks Reddit. Thanks a lot.
My wife and I have reversed names. As in, her name is commonly used as a guys name, and mine is commonly used as a girls name. On our honeymoon we went on a 7 day cruise. The first night we went to dinner and our waitress called her my name and me her name. We didn't correct her because who cares, we're used to it. Well little did we know that she would be our waitress for the entirety of our trip. And to make things worse, there was another waiter that somehow knew the names in the right order and he would come over and ask us if we were needed anything right as she was approaching the table. Never been so nervous about someone calling me by my own name in all my life.
When I first got my Samsung Galaxy S3, I didn't know how to answer calls. I would tap the accept icon, and if I tapped it hard, sometimes it would answer the phone (because tapping it inadvertently dragged the accept icon far enough to the right to answer it). So for really important calls, I would tap it really hard.
Finally, I used my smartphone to do the smart thing and google how to answer it - oh - you slide the icon.
I still have that S3, because you know, once you figure something out and get used to it, and you know, technology...always changing...
Two years ago when I moved into my current apartment, I went to the store to get groceries and all of the things that I didnโt have, since I had been living with my sister prior to that. I had a full cart, and racked up roughly $250 worth of stuff... My card was declined. There was money in the account, but my card was declined. Most people would call the bank at that point. Me? I looked the cashier right in the eye and just walked out of the store. I now rarely go to that store, and only use self checkout.
I also work at Starbucks, so Iโm regularly taking peopleโs names. I always ask them how to spell their name. My name tag doesnโt say my real name, as I had an issue in the past with a customer from another job essentially stalking me on social media. The way I figure, if they donโt know my name, they canโt find me. I was joking with someone today about people being particular about their names, and mentioned that my name (Audrey) gets misspelled a lot for some reason. The customer looks down at my name tag (Maud), back at me, then back to my name tag. If I wasnโt so awkward I would have explained that it wasnโt my real name, but instead I remained silent. He looked puzzled and walks away without another word.
In the 8th grade, I couldn't open my locker. I tried the combination a bunch of times, and even had my friends do it too. But it wouldn't open. Instead of going to the office or talking with a maintenance person, I shared my locker with my friend for the whole year.
Near the end of the school year, my family was going to move. So on my last day of school, I had to go to my locker with someone from the office who would "help me clean out my locker." They had a checklist paper with my locker combo and they told me to open it. And it opened. On the first try. On my last day. That was the first and last time I ever opened that locker. And when it opened they were like "Oh you already cleaned it out, you could have told me that and we could have checked it off already."
Me and my girlfriend were at a high school football game, we saw my ex and her friend approaching us, my girlfriend wanted to turn and walk around them while I just wanted to walk past them and ignore them. We both try to execute our plans and she bounces off of me twice and we both stumble and trip past them.
Once when my grandparents were driving me the hour and a half from their house to mine, I decided to pull the car door handle while on the freeway. Don't ask why, my six year old brain wasn't very good at processing ideas. So the door just slightly pops open for a second, and I pull it shut real quick. However, it didn't close hard enough to actually latch, and if I didn't hold it, it would re-open. Not wanting to let them know I'm a total idiot, I held the door halfway closed for about an hour on the freeway. No one ever knew.
DerWyrm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:05:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was reaaally shy as a kid. I jumped off a tall mat inside a tumble gym and broke my arm. I told my mom my arm really hurt, and a stranger next to her overhead and said he was a paramedic. He took a look and was squeezing around my arm asking me if it hurt but I was too shy to say yes, so he said I'll be fine. An hour later as we walked out, I started crying to my mom.
RNA2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a guy that was a night stocker and I worked in a bar so it was on my way home. For some reason every time I was at that stire when he was he was always on the peanut butter aisle... my roommate finally asked me why we had like 5 different kinds of peanut butter before pausing closing his eyes and saying "the Peanut butter guy is hot isn't he." I said yes and the roommate just shook his head. He knows me so well.
Tananar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not ever but recently... I went to get take out and when I got to the place, I went all the way down to the edge of the parking lot, to realize that I couldn't get out. Not enough room to turn around, and no spots I could pull into to turn around. So now I'm basically parallel parked between two cars, but neither of them would be able to get out. Nobody is around outside, so I start doing what ended up being about a ten-point turn. Then some people come out. Okay whatever, I'll just wait for them to leave before I keep trying to get out. Then the people walk to one of the cars I'm blocking. I don't really have a great view behind me and I had just gotten the car a couple weeks prior so I ever so slowly back up, inching toward them. Stop probably a foot and a half shorter than I could've, go forward, repeat.
Well that was embarrassing. Maybe I'll just drive around the neighborhood for a bit and then go back. I have the most average car in America, a ten year old tan Camry, so they'll just think it was someone else. Now on my way to drive around, I miss the turn I wanted and now I have to go through several roundabouts to just kill time. Crap, I'm in the wrong lane. I'll roll with it. Eventually I'll be able to get in the correct lane. Yeah that didn't work, so eventually I take an exit and realize I have no idea where I am. It's kinda a sketchy area so I decide not to stop until I'm in a little nicer of an area.
At this point I'm in a different city, lost, and hungry. Eventually after a series of arbitrary turns I find a road name I know. Get on there and figure out where I am.
And that's how you turn a drive literally down the road from a 5 minute thing to over an hour.
My first day of college ever I woke up 20 minutes late and ended up being about a half hour late to my very first class. I rushed in and sat down in a class of 7 students. It didn't seem right but I didn't think twice about it, I was just embarrassed about being late. About 5 minutes in I realize the word "Finance" is written on the board. Then it hit me that I wasn't in Marketing. I was too awkward to leave so I just sat there until the professor did an ice breaker. He wanted to know our names, major, year, and a fun fact. Most of the people went and when it got to me I said "Hi, I'm skymeetsthesea, my major is International Business, I'm a freshman, and my fun fact is that I'm in the wrong class". Everyone's jaw dropped and I walked out and if that wasn't bad enough, I told the professor "this looks like a cool class, hope I can take it one day!" And then went to my correct class. 45 minutes late.
Instead of using boyfriends bathrooms I use to make a excuse to leave and go home if I had to use the bathroom for any reason. Luckily I have grown out of that.
jcb6939 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is easily the funniest askreddit thread I've ever been in. I mean most good threads have a few good stories, but all of these are actual laugh out funny
Currently in my 4th year at university, my discipline has only 14 people, and 12 of us have been classmates for the whole 4 years. I know the names of 3 of my classmates.
If you don't all know, a lady's first and early periods can be brown instead of red. I got my first period in school and ran to the bathroom. My pants were stained brown and I had no spare and this is before cellphones.
I clean up the best I can, and as I'm walking to the office to ask to call my grandma, a guy friend saw me and noticed my pants. I was too afraid to admit to my period so I told him I shit my pants.
I forgot someoneโs name after they first introduced themselves and then we ended up having to work together in a group project or something. So I ended up doing verbal gymnastics to avoid using their name instead of just fessing up to not knowing.
Once got on a bus thinking it was gonna take me home, but it actually took me in a big loop going the opposite direction. Eventually it stopped again at the terminal i got on at. I had a hunch that the route was going to take me the right way after this stop, but i just got off and decided to walk home because it would seem awkward if i stayed on. The real kicker is the bus passed me like 5 minutes later on my walk home
skaspid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:27:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if this counts, but I don't dance at all. This has led to me turning down multiple opportunities to dance throughout my life. One time, this girl approaches me and asks "do you want to dance?" as I'm standing against the railing of a club. My friends had abandoned me so I was just biding my time til we could leave. Not knowing what to do, I just said "I don't dance, okay?" to which she looked very confused and walked away with a look like someone sprinkled cardamom on her chocolate brownie.
On another occasion, a girlfriend in highschool dragged me to her friend's sweet 16 which of course was in a dance hall. At first she thought that I was kidding when I told her that I wouldn't dance with her, but became progressively upset once she realized I was telling the truth. She ended up dancing with a few other people, which I was fine with because I didn't want to dance and because I didn't think I was going to ride with her into the sunset or anything. Still, she was fuming by the end of the night because the truth that I told her turned out to be, get this, true.
The last example I'll share was only a few years ago at a friend's birthday party. It wasn't a dry occasion, so many people were brimming with enthusiasm. I had just gotten off a late shift at the cafe where I work, so while I was looking forward to a drink I wasn't sloshed like everyone else. Plus, I can hold my own in this regard so I knew I wouldn't be getting drunk (it was already midnight my the time I got there). Needless to say, the music was loud and the tipsies were dancing. This beautiful girl grabs each of my hands and starts pulling me into an open area with a hypnotic, gyrating motion which would draw in any sane man looking for that night cap of all night caps. Instead of going with this siren, I pull my hands away and proclaim "I'm sorry, I can't. I have a girlfriend," and when she pressed that it was only dancing, I doubled down with "She wouldn't like it. She's Christian." Well, this stopped the invitation and all further invitations for the night. I stood against the wall with a beer, no girlfriend (not even for the night), and no dreadful prospects of dancing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:46:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted a quiet place on campus to read Matilda, so I went into the women's centre. A few minutes later a group of women sat down around me, apologized to me for being late, offered me a doughnut, and started a meeting. I thought it would be rude if I got up and left so I ended up missing my next class as I just sat there quietly.
I went to the bathroom, and I heard someone else coming in. I was just peeing but I for some reason I stayed silent. This person peed, then turn off the light and left.
Oh and I was in a wedding dress because it was my wedding.
I was getting out of my crushes car and my jeans gapped at the back a little bit. I didn't want him to see my butt crack, so I tried to get out of the car butt first. I lost my balance and whilst crashing to the ground cried "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!"
He just stared at me, mouth gaping at my idiocy.
The worst part is that the jeans gap I was desperate to hide acted like a little shovel when I hit the ground and scooped a bunch of dirt and gravel into my butt crack and underwear.
Pretended to want to be my (now) SIL's friend so I could meet her (supposedly) hot brother. For, like, 3 years. We'd have awkward meetings where I would pretend to be into the same music and clothes and shit but I literally couldn't have given less of a fuck.
My shittiness probably had some karmic effect because I didn't get to actually meet or even SEE her brother for years because he was a super serious loner and ditched his fam a lot. They finally convinced him to come to this cook-out I was going to be at and I have never fallen so hard, dude.
So....I guess my years of pretending to be into his sister's weird BS because I was too fucking awkward to just outright say "hey, I want to meet your bro because I think he might be my future baby daddy" actually paid off.
God no. She has fibro, which I was unaware of, and has to deal with all of the weird mental shit that comes with it. I'd never tell her for fear of hurting her feelings but I think, on some level, she kinda knew. I think she realized we didn't have anything in common either plus she was a great deal older than me.
Oh, another one.... I was babysitting for three kids and we were all out front, riding bikes (I was watching) trying to be silly, I "stole" one of the kids bikes, hopped on and tried to ride it. When I went to give it back to him I noticed the seat was wet. To my horror, I realized I had bled through my tampon and shorts and on to his bike. I desperately tried wiping it up while also trying to hide the stain on my shorts. I ran in the house, grasped a pair of the moms shorts and went to the bathroom to clean up. I was using wet toilet paper since I didn't want to stain a towel, and everytime I finished with a piece, I threw it in the toilet . I had my shorts pulled up and was about to flush when one of the kids came barging in. He saw all the blood and starting screaming for his brother and sister "bedheadredhead is bleeding, she's dying" I didn't want to have a period talk with a 5 year old boy so I awkwardly wrapped my old bloody shorts around my foot a d told him the blood was from me stepping on glass. He was still convinced I was dying because he snuck of to call his dad to come home because I was "hurt bad"
When the dad got home, I kept up the glass story because I was to embarrassed to tell him what really happened. I went so far as to transfer some blood to gauze which I wrapped my foot in so he wouldn't be suspicious of why I bled so much from a nonexistent injury.
As a 16 year old female accidentally walked into full male bathroom. Awkward self decided to play it off and act like I was looking for a lost child. Yelled "Timmy Timmy" and looked under the stalls for little kid feet. Laughed and said oh can't find Timmy and walked out.
azevedro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my girlfriend, only a few days ago, we went to mcdonalds she was driving and ordered through the drive through. After ordering and approaching the pick up window we received the first half of our order, the employee then told us "I just have to get the rest of your order" my girlfriend mistakenly thought he had told her to park and they will bring the order to her so she started to drive away, the employee then recited "I'm getting the rest of your order" she responded "yeah thanks" smiled, waved and drove off.
We parked I told her she misheard him and I walked in and collected the rest of our meal. She was very embarrassed but we laughed and enjoyed our meal.
I was once at the airport for a helicopter flying class. The instructor came over, said something (which I couldn't hear over the noise) and stuck out his hand. I promptly gave him my empty drink bottle to throw in the trash. A moment later I realised he wanted to shake my hand and apologized.
Once, I went to the toilet in work. I have a pretty good schedule going at the moment, I get to work at quarter to 8, eat some cornflakes, do a bit of work until half 9 then take a trip to the bathroom. I Like to take my time, catch up on messages/facebook etc and normally take around 15-20 minutes. Well, on this occasion, I finish what I'm doing, thought I've been gone long enough and better go back to work. I reach for the toilet paper and obviously with my luck, the one time I didn't check, the roll was completely empty.
I now start worrying. I run through all the possible ways I can get out of this. What can I do now. I have nothing with me at all so the best bet is to run out and simply jump into the next cubicle. Nobody's here now and the toilet is usually pretty quiet anyway so I'll just run into the next one and there's no harm done.
As if by some miracle, right on cue, the cleaner comes in. Now, you may be thinking to yourself - this is where the story ends, u/manwellrogeres asks the cleaner for a bit of roll, wipes the derriere and continues with his day. Alas my dear friends, I decided to go for the next logical choice and wait this thing out. The cleaner won't be long and I'll just hop out into the next stall then. I'm too embarrassed to let any human being know what situation I've found myself in.
I sit there for just over another 10 minutes, cleaner still doing his business, now been sat in the toilet for about half an hour. I'm getting a bit worried, coworkers might think I've just quit. I sit and I wait, frantically looking at my watch, looking at the seconds tick away. I'm going to be in shit for being gone so long. What excuse do I use? Well anyone notice? That's not my main concern right now. Attending to the spread currently latched in my ass hair is what's important.
another 5 minutes goes by, cleaner starts cleaning the cubicles one by one. Shit he's going to try and get into mine and realise I'm in here. Knock Knock Knock........ "Is somebody in here?". "Sorry,yep, I'm in here" cleaner continues his business.
Cleaner obviously now knows I've been in here for at least 15 minutes (I've now been in 45 minutes). Now I'm sweating. I've come way too far now. There's no going back. I can't ask him for any roll now, that's embarrassing, I'm past the point of return. He's cleaned the cubicles, he'll leave soon?!
Another 10 minutes goes by and finally things quieten down. I've now been in the toilet for around 55 minutes. Sweat dripping from my head from anxiety. I turn the camera on my phone on and stick it under the little gap at the bottom of the door. Bathrooms all clear. Right, this is it. Time to move. I pull my pants up to just above my knees and do a curious squat and unlock the door then step out of the cubicle, hope glimmering on the horizon.
Well, looks like we're just two peas in the pod as it turns out he must have been waiting for me to finish to continue. There's Mr.Cleaner man stood at the door. Looking right at me in the eyes. I whimper, almost on the verge of tears. Cock in hand.
"I'm so sorry. There's no toilet paper in there".
Man looks like he's about to cry too. Why did I put him in this situation. "You should have just asked me to pass you some under". "I know I reply," bolting into the second cubicle.
After a full hour, I finally wipe the crust from my crack. Flush the evidence and come out to wash my hands. Cleaner stood next to me in shock. He's looking at me. I can feel him staring me down. I can't look him in the eyes and I just power walk straight out of there and back to my desk.
Obviously as soon as I return. Everyone's looking at me. "Thought you'd just gone home, where have you been?!?!"
I can't think of any better excuse and lost most of my dignity anyway so thought fuck it and I tell them the tale. Everyone bursts into laughter, I take it on the chin and continue working.
I've now monitored the cleaning schedule and don't go in that toilet from 9:30-10:30 and actually opt to use the toilet on the other side of the building all together.
I've not seen the cleaner since.
Was the whole fiasco my fault? Oh entirely. Did I deserve it? Most probably yeah.
A girl once came up to me with her friend and told me that she liked me .I being a non awkward guy (sarcasm here ) played it off like she just told me a joke and i never met her after that.She was being really shy and it was noticable that her friend was the one who made her do it
I had just finished eating lunch with my girlfriend and her best friend at a Cheesecake Factory that shares it's parking lot with a Target and a mall. They were going to go in the mall to shop and I just wanted to go home and poop in peace, so I left for my car.
The parking lot was rediculously packed and I noticed I was being slowly followed by a car that wanted to take my parking spot as soon as I walked outside.
My car was right in front of the restaurant but for some reason I freaked out/panicked and proceeded to walk to the entire opposite side of the parking lot in the hopes that they would stop following me. When I looked back and saw they were still behind me, I walked to and sat down at the bus stop to try and play it off, shaking my head at myself the entire time... Ugh
They finally kept driving and I sat at the bus stop for 15-20 minutes waiting just to be sure there wasn't any chance they could possibly see me walking back to my car after having led them around the parking lot.
The dumbest thing I've ever done was absolutely through politeness.
It was a couple of years ago, and I was in Aberdeen (Scotland) for a business meeting. I was flying in from London and back again on the same day. The meeting started at 10am and was over by 10:30am, but the next flight back to London wasn't until about 5pm. So I had over 6 hours to spend in a City which, without being rude, is pretty fucking boring.
There's a big shopping mall in the City centre where I thought I could kill some time by doing some Christmas shopping. I was wandering around and I was approached by one of those cosmetic sales women who had set up a booth in the middle of the mall. She stopped me and asked if I had a couple of minutes and I responded that I literally had nothing but time. She was very attractive and I was bored so I thought I could just talk to her for 10 minutes and then go and get some lunch.
She starts doing these demonstrations of different moisturizers and scrubs on my hands and, not going to lie, it felt very good. I stayed for a little while because, as I said, she was pretty and I was enjoying getting pampered. I was also getting a good look down her top, so I was in no hurry.
After about 15 minutes, I decided it was time to leave but I felt extremely awkward about taking up this girl's time and then leaving with nothing so I thought I'd just buy the cheapest thing and get out of there. The thing is, the cheapest thing was ยฃ40. For a tiny little bottle of cream. I was shocked, but didn't want to kill the vibe so I said I'd buy it. But then she started bamboozling me with offers and "freebies" that she would throw in if I sent over a certain amount. I'd be lying if I said I remembered the exact details, but panicking I just agreed to everything she said. I handed over my card and it was about ยฃ120 in total. For a couple of moisturizers and some body scrub.
Walking away, I felt like an absolute fool but I consoled myself with the fact that I could at least use these as Christmas gifts for my girlfriend and sister (not the same person) so it wasn't a total waste of money.
But, arriving at the airport, I was told my customs that (obviously) I had too much liquid to carry on to the plane. The choice was to pay a further ยฃ40 to check the bag in OR to throw them away at the airport. I opted for the latter. In fact, I said to the girl at customs that she could keep the products if she wanted. I was too tired and frustrated to care at that point.
So I literally paid ยฃ120 for nothing, all because I was enchanted by a pretty girl and was too awkward to just say no.
This happened years ago but still pops into my mind occasionally. I was walking home from school (wearing my school uniform) and a car stopped on the road next to where I was walking and the driver asked me something but I didnโt hear the question properly.
I heard the start of the sentence; โHow do I get to..โ but I didnโt hear the rest. I asked him to repeat the question three times and just couldnโt hear properly so I said โsorry, I donโt knowโ and carried on walking. I kept replaying the question in my head until I realised he was asking how to get to the school I just came from.. my uniform said the name of the school on it.
Stood up for a handshake, person says I can sit, awkwardly stretches legs because I have no fucking idea why.
Cadams06 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:07:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a blind date at a rock concert with a hot guy. I was on a medication that made me have extreme flatulence. Every so often I would get up and run through the crowd and let out the saved up very LOUD farts. I was having an exceptional number of farts, maybe 10 loud ones when I looked back and he was right behind me the whole time.
Late to this party but I met a girl at a party while at university, we got on well and I walked her back to her halls. She invited me in for coffee. Being a bit drunk, not taking the hint and being a complete and utter dumb arse I said "no thanks see you around and have a nice life" I meant well but it just didn't come across that way.
It still haunts me nearly 20 years later as I took her on a date the following week and we ended up getting married. She brings it up now and then.
crcondes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:27 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yikes
Sounds like she is having a nice life though if you've been together 20 years ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
Late to the party. My algebra teacher handed out books, but gave me the wrong one so I sat during the first 20 minutes of class acting like I was doing something until he noticed and gave me the right one.
I used to work security in a large office building and a significant amount of my time was spent unlocking doors for people who forgot their keys / needed access / etc.
It didn't take me long to realize that about 20% of the time, the door they wanted open was already unlocked. All you had to do was turn the handle and open it.
Sooo I turned it into a game... I would always try and open the door first. If it turned out to be unlocked, I would just hold it open and really overtly be like after you, anything else I can do for you?
Most people would get embarrassed or kinda pissed. Esspecially, since most of time it took me 20+ minutes to respond to unlock a door (wasnt in a hurry to interupt my reddit time).
Tldr: Made people wait 20+ minutes to have a unlocked door held open by me because they never thought to try the door before calling security to have it unlocked.
If I get off of the elevator on the wrong floor at work, rather than getting back on and going to the appropriate floor in front of others and admit I exited prematurely, I confidently stroll off as if it was my intended destination and take the stairs.
nanoH2O ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:34:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean pick a day. Just this weekend I was with my parents and ran into a co worker in a shopping area. Said hello, short talk, and then upon byes I realized they were walking to the same parking garage as us. My dad starts to head that direction and I say "hold up, we're going this way actually, to get some ice cream." Half way to the ice cream shop, I stop and say "you know what, I don't want any ice cream after all, let's head out." Crisis averted.
I was like 13 years old and had extreme social anxiety when dealing with people I hadn't met more than several times. I was in line at some movie theater with two friends waiting to get popcorn. I kept asking one of them to order for me. Well time comes for me to order, the guy behind counter asks me what I'd like. I just stand there staring for what felt like an eternity before I tried to talk, all that came out was, "Uhhh, fsdgh" (Or some random weird mouth noise that accidentally came out) I could feel my face turn beet red and I just walked off while my two friends laughed. I didn't have any popcorn or soda for the duration of that film.
Sure hope someone reads that, cause I find it fucking hilarious. (I don't really have social anxiety like that anymore, only when I'm in a giant crowd and attention goes onto me do I get a little off, but I can talk through it now where I make myself more comfortable by powering on through and just realizing no one is judging me the way I judge myself in those situations unless I do some dumb ass embarassing shit like that again.)
The main catalyst to me getting over it was when I was in the United States Marine Corps boot camp. Being in all kinds of uncomfortable social situations and consistently being in social settings I would have otherwise avoided definitely helped. From my experiences, and I admit this may not work for everyone, putting yourself into the situations that give you bad anxiety seems to help immensely to getting over the social anxiety.
If that doesn't make sense and you would like me to elaborate more, just let me know. I'm struggling through some nasty hiccups that keep giving me terrible heartburn and I think I may even vomit so I'm not sure if I put my thoughts out in an intelligible format.
My friend and I were walking through the mall and were walking by one of those kiosks that sell hand lotion and basically harass you because they want you to try it. I sort of put my head down ready to charge and ignore when I hear the guy go "Would you ladies like to try some hand lotion today?"
My friend looks at her hands, shoves them in her coat pockets and goes "Sorry, I don't have any hands."
Dumbest is hard, when it comes to girls I shut down.
In 6th grade I saw a girl I was crushing on outside school, she said "Hi" to me very nicely and I gave her this really cold, burdened wave for some reason. She never said anything to me again.
On my second online date she took me back to her place two nights in a row and we just watched TV and talked because I was too intimidated to make a move. We didn't talk again after.
One time outside a bar we met some girls, one went to shake my hand and gave me the most awkward, dead-fish hand shake, like her palm was straight at the ground. I didn't know what to do with it so I froze and couldn't speak.
At our local Blockbuster, I put in a request to be called when WCW Nitro on PlayStation was available. When I received the call that the game was available, my dad drove me to the store and waited in the car. I walk in and can actually see WCW Nitro on the shelf behind the counter. I confidently said "Hi, I'm here to pick up the game." The super nice guy runs over to New Releases and brings back The Game on VHS, starring Michael Douglas.
I didn't say anything and ended up going home without WCW Nitro and renting The Game, which was actually pretty good.
Instead of sneezing and just covering my mouth in a lecture of 800 college kids I tried to hold it in and instead just made a loud fart noise with my lips.
To this day I have trouble letting sneezes go in rooms of people.
I live in England and my best friend went to an American junior school (school for American expats) because his mum worked there and got him in for free.
Day 1 and he hears the other kids talking in an American accent so copies them. Ends up keeping this up for the whole 4 years, even talking to his mum in an American accent at home when he had friends over to play.
I had a crush on a guy on my rowing team, and we both biked home, going in the same direction for about 2km, after which we'd split and go our separate ways. Well I was trying to catch up to him one day after he went his way towards his house and I never caught up... Until I came out of the woods and saw him going into his house. He made eye contact. I went with it, decided to pretend that that was the way I was going home that day... I got close to his house and he said "did you follow me home?"
Yeah I just shook my head, stuttered out a few words like no, home, this way and biked away as fast as I could go. Still haunts me.
In elementary school, we were given cards with three options: Band, orchestra, or general music. These were options for which class to take in middle school. I chose general music and that was that. Well on the first day of middle school, I was given my schedule, and went to the classes and went to my music classroom. The teacher said "Welcome everyone to Band class! He aked each student which instrument they played, and I started to panic. I thought of a quick instrument and said "I play the drums!" and that's the story of how I was in band for 3 years.
When I was in college, I went to a Halloween house party and got super drunk. There was a ton of people hanging out on the front porch as I was leaving the house, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. All of these people rushed over and instead of getting up and telling everyone I was OK, I somehow felt it would be less embarrassing if I was experiencing some serious medical event vs. just being so drunk that I couldn't walk. So, I just lied there and kept my eyes closed while they kept shaking me and trying to get me to wake up. I did this for like, over 5 minutes while they were confirming I was still breathing until they I heard people mentioning 911 and I got up and walked off.
alissen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:39:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I went grocery shopping and the cashier scanned all of my items, but then proceeded to scan the next person's items as well. I was so shy that I didn't find the courage to say that I needed to pay for mine, so I took all of my stuff, put it in the bag and ran away.
I am not proud.
Spndoc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:03:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Highschool me got embarrassed easily;
went to go get pizza with my mom. We took the leftovers to go in a pizza box and for some reason I thought carrying the box flat looked really stupid and I got embarrassed. So I took it from her and carried it vertically under my arm (and thought somehow that looked less weird).
When I'm at McDonalds I want only 1 cheeseburger and small fries, but because I think they will judge me for buying it, as I'm chubby, I order 3 cheeseburgers and 3 small fries just so they know I'm eating with my friends even though I don't. It's more fun to be unhealthy with more people rather than yourself.
I moved a lot as a kid due to my parents struggling to make ends meet when I was younger. I was the new student again at another elementary school. I was in 5th grade and I was usually good at making friends but all the moving took its toll on me. Instead socializing with the kids in my table, I would sit towards the end and make hand gestures across the cafeteria to make it look like I was part of a conversation somewhere else. I did this a lot and the classmates never brought it up to me.
Back when I was a first-year math undergrad, I accidentally walked into some advanced course (Fourier series or something), and noticed quite quickly that I'm in the wrong place. So did the other students, as it was a very small class and they probably all knew each other. I was also the only girl.
I was too embarrassed to leave, so I just stayed for the class.
Someone had already told a similar story, but it reminded me of mine:
We had a swimming class in 6th grade, but back then I couldn't swim at all. I was the only kid my age I knew, who still needed swimming floats.
On the first lesson we were supposed to be divided into 4 groups: those who couldn't swim at all (and would practice with swimming floats), those who could float but didn't know any swimming techniques, those who could swim in breaststroke on a basic level, and finally those who practiced some swimming.
In order to divide us into groups, the teacher let each kid swim for a few meters to see how they are doing (unless they said they couldn't).
I was very embarrassed, as I was sure I would be the only kid in the first group, so I decided to pretend like I knew how to swim. I thought, how hard could it be, I'd just copy the breaststroke movements, and raise my head for breathing a couple of times. The water was shallow, so I knew I wouldn't drown.
So when my turn came, I pretended to swim. Apparently it worked, and I was placed in the third group.
Several years later I joined a swimming team, and several years after that I won my country's junior swimming championship.
I walked into my class one day and my desk was missing, so instead of taking someones seat, in an already full class, I just walked out and went home, havent been back since.
I hope instead of being judged for how gross I am, yall will understand how awkward I felt and won't banish me for this so here goes:
I was 18 and dating my first real boyfriend who was cool and all that stuff. He lived with his folks still but he had a basically inclusive apartment in his bedroom-- en suite bathroom and a tiny half kitchen. Everytime I had to pee, he could hear me, so I kinda peed on my finger bc it made the tinkle sound silent. Why, god, why did I care? I thought for sure my peeing noise would break us up. I know what you're thinking, I never pooped in the ES BR, I waited till I got home. My poor bowels. In fact, all my girlfriends and I had code speak for "lets go poop at 7-11", it was, "I want a Slurpee." Then a gaggle of high school age girls would drive to the Sev to poop to save us the embarrassment of our guys knowing.
What was wrong with us?!
Let the judging commence...
Edit: my phone is a POS.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:49:18 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a story. I WAS 30 and went away with a guy for the weekend. I held it the whole weekend. We worked together and on Monday I came to work and said my stomach was hurting. Totally straight faced he goes: well yeah, you didn't shit for three days.
I went to a concert with a boy that I liked. He really liked the band and I was pretending to to impress him, though I had hardly every listened to them. It was a crazy dance floor and I lost him. After what felt like a couple hours the lights came on and I thought the concert ended so I made my way out of the hall and to our predestined meeting place. Once outside I realize the concert wasn't over, they were just switching bands. The main band we had come to seen hadn't even started yet. I wasn't allowed back into the hall so I waited outside for the next couple hours in the snow in my t-shirt. When I finally did meet back up with him I was so embarrassed I lied and said a staff member had kicked me out cuz I went to a bathroom passed the no re-entry point. I maintain that lie to this day. Hahaha uhh.
I was taking clarinet lessons in 4th grade. My brother would get sax lessons from the same teacher for an hour following my clarinet lessons. I would sit in the living room during the lesson. I was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom. It got to the point where I peed my pants, like couldnt stop until my pants were pretty soaked. I ended up asking to go to the bathroom anyways, and when I did, I splashed water on the rest of my pants so they were all the same color- I hoped he woudlnt notice this way.
Rezient ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:38 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was about 14, I saw a really cute pug sticking its head out a window. I really wanted to pet it but was too scared to go ask the owner, so I just went up to it to pet it. It started barking angrily... the owner came into the room... we locked eyes... I ran so fucking hard for absolutely no reason. Looking back now I probably made myself look FAR more suspicious than i intended...
I was in the bathroom and my older brother came into the house and sat at the kitchen table with a few of his cute friends. I didn't want to leave the bathroom and have them think I was pooping. Not sure why I thought they would think that. So instead I opened the door a sliver and hid under the sink....for like an hour... listening to their conversation. After they finished talking and I heard them leave the room I left the bathroom and walked up the stairs and I heard one of them tell my brother I was in the bathroom the whole time.
Not me but a girl turned up at the bar I used to work for claiming she was here for a shift and Iโd never seen her before so asked management if we had a trial shift that night and he was like โI donโt know anything about it, but maybe someone just forgot to tell meโ.
I showed her to the office to put her bag & whatnot away, and she was like โseeing as Iโm early, can I just nip for a cigarette?โ So I was like โyeah sureโ and she just never came back.
I went to the bar next door for a drink when my shift finished and sure enough she was stood behind the bar, serving. She looked absolutely mortified when she saw me and I laughed and was like โso about that shift...โ and she explained she had already had a couple of shifts at the bar next door but accidentally walked into our bar and was too awkward to say what sheโd done so just played along until she could run out โfor a cigaretteโ and go back to the bar she was meant to be working at.
Pretty sure she didnโt even get past her trial period, but at least she gave it her all.
I had a cat when I grew up and would meow to her every once in a while and sheโs sometimes respond. When I moved out of my parentโs house, the cat stayed with my parents, but I just couldnโt get rid of that meowing habit. Especially when I was alone. So when my new flat mate first came to our apartment to look at the room, she heard me meowing from the hallway. I was really embarrassed about it, so I just told her we had a cat. She ended up renting the room for a year and thought we had a cat for almost the first half of that...
aron925 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:13 on November 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the beginning of the semester I didn't have my class schedule memorized (but naively thought I had it down). So I went to the room expecting a lecture for my Power & Politics class and immediately realized I was in the wrong class. I had entered a lecture on Chinese theater in the 17th century and even filled out a pop quiz with my name on it because I felt too awkward to leave (I also was towards the front and surrounded by wall on one side so I would have had to disrupt like 10 people to get out). The prof then emailed me and asked why my name appeared on the quiz and I had to embarrassingly explain lol.
I work at a pizza place. When I was 2 weeks in a pizza fell out of the oven and I caught it with my bare fore-arms. I carried the pizza to our cut table and set it down. I had 3ed degree burns along my fore arms. But my boss looked busy so I went back to work and finished my 3 hour shift.
I almost let my little jack terrier get mangled by two gargantuan Pit-bulls because I was afraid if I crossed the street the owner would think I was profiling his dogs as violent.
Well, they were violent. Thank god I scooped up Nina right as they charged her, pulling the owner with them. "Oh I'm so sorry" he said "they never do this"
Thanks! I can imagine if they did maul us to near death at least I'd know that they don't normally do that.
iveyrock ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:01:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kicked someone in the ankle while trying to arrange a play date for my daughter, and being socially awkward, didn't even acknowledge that it had happened, I just kept talking...
I was walking from one building to another in my school and happened to be a few feet behind a blind guy. It had been raining so the ground was slippery and I saw him stumbling and about to fall. I immediately wanted to reach out and help him from falling on his face, but I also didn't want to fuck it up and accidentally push him even harder, so I just let him fall. I kept walking like nothing happened while I hear nearby girls run to him and ask him "omg are you alright?". As I round the corner of a nearby building out of sight I laugh like a madman at the absurdity of the situation and my regretful choice.
He was unharmed.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:17:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm new to weight lifting. A few weeks ago I couldn't figure out how to adjust a machine, and i really wanted to workout using it that day. I didn't want to look like an idiot and mess with it forever or ask, so I skipped my workout that day.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:11:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally sprinted away from a girl after talking to her because I didn't know what else to do and she was pretty. I was 12 and had to sprint an entire block to get out of her field of view.
Me reading the title: wtf does that even mean?
Me reading the thread: oh. Oh no. Oh god
-staori- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:51:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my cousin visited, I was super nervous because I hadn't seen him in years (I have bad social anxiety) The day he did arrive I had woken up late, dying on the loo. I was worried about bumping into him on the way there so I peed in a bowl I found in my room.
I once shit my pants (just a little bit) because all of my room mates were in the kitchen that the bathroom is connected to. Social anxiety is a bitch...
My ex gf clogged the toilet from taking a duece. It was at the beginning of the relationship so she was insanely embarrassed and the plunger happened to be in another bathroom. Instead of calling me for help, she unplugged it...with her hand. Poop...with her hand.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Klowd19 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:52:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If the only parking spots around where I'm trying to go require parallel parking, I will go out of my way to find a spot that doesn't. Even if that means having to walk a mile.
TheRaith ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll get overexcited when I'm talking and end up saying something, but I'll say it wrong. Like I'll use the wrong big word, immediately recognize that I used the wrong word, but I won't say anything because I don't want to appear wrong. So I've actually had discussions where I used the wrong word just because I'm not thinking before I speak, saying perplexed instead of perpetuated, ostentation instead of obligation, ubiquitous instead of unanimous. Shit like that. While I'm acting as if nothing is wrong, internally I'm just dieing inside of shame.
Dated a best friend who liked me because I was a scared 13 year old who didnt know how to say no to people and was too awkward to reject that friend.
Said friend ended up raping me several months later, likely harboring a lot of resentment from that. I can't say I don't understand. I still have a lot of self blame about that.
0) My friend and I, in university. This was before smartphones were common. It's a small town university (some people walk to "main street" to the university), but most people drive. We were headed to a shopping mall on a weird bus route, and we ended up missing our stop. We got off, and wandered around, and eventually got hungry and found an Korean restaurant. We go in, and go eat and upon coming out of another entrance, realize that we were about two streets away from the "main street" strip and within walking distance of the bus stop. We both speak great English and we could have at any point asked the bus driver for directions, but both of us have social anxiety...so yeah...
1) Last winter, my dad and I found a tire specialist selling tires for cheap. We drive out two hours to get there. I'm on my period (I clot heavily and I bleed like the prank Carrie got hit with). I had a few extra pads in my purse, and I feel the mother of all clots coming while I'm in the car. I can't hold it, and when I get out of the car, I feel it slosh out of me, along with a huge amount of blood. It instantly decimates my pad on contact, and I'm left waddling for 15 minutes in cooling blood and being extremely uncomfortable. We get to the mechanic's place, and the public washroom looks like something out of Trainspotting with grease everywhere, and is tiny sized. I decide to wait it out (because I will destroy the bathroom), and ended up spending 1 hour in a failing pad with a sweatshirt around my waist, while the guy's changed our tires. After literally standing around for 1 hour, I'm cold and miserable with blood still pouring out of me, and I finally ask my dad to drive me to the nearest mall. I deal with the pad situation when I get there, but my pants are in need of a good wash AND I was plastered in my own blood. I could have asked about the nearest coffee shop to decimate their bathroom...but I didn't...
Jorden99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in High School (probably year 8), my mum wanted me to post a letter on the way there in the morning. For some reason I felt embarrassed about holding it (to this day I can't remember why, it seems dumb to say now), so I hid it under my blazer on the way. I was crossing the road, running slightly as there was traffic, when I dropped the letter in the road. I made it to the other side, but I had to go back because not was an important letter. I did so, which made me look like a twat picking it up with the same traffic around me. A lot of other school kids were around as there was a shop nearby. Didn't hear anything about it, but I must have got some weird looks off people that day.
Idk how I've made it to this point in my life.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was at work and it was just me and the head manager working. i went on break and realized i didnโt have a fork to eat my ramen with so i just grabbed the dunkin straw out of my iced coffee and used that. the scary head manager came in and said โyou know you could use my fork just wash it when youโre done...โ and of course i was like โno iโm okay thank youโ continues to struggle using only a straw as a utensil for noodles
trick_12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I went into the restroom to go #1 and there was a guy at one of the two urinals, who was around 6'6" or so (really tall). Instead of going to the urinal next to him, which he could clearly see completely over (only if he looked of course), I went into the stall and "pretended" to take a crap and just sat there for about 5 minutes.
I pee in the stalls too. when people ask me why I say I I save up all my farting for when I pee, and figure they probably dont want to breathe the air coming out of my asshole, so I do it as a courtesy...
A few weeks after our first child was born my husband and I were invited to a wedding. I didnโt want to go (Baby was only 8 weeks old) but it was an old coworker friend of my husband so we went. At the reception husband proceeded to get very drunk and basically abandoned me at our table to talk warhammering with the groom and his other old work buddies. I got pissed and almost left the wedding with him. I had offered to drive since I was nursing so I had only had one beer. So I left. I walked all the way to our car and got in. Except it wasnโt our car. It was someoneโs car. I was so embarrassed even though no one saw me do this. Sat there in a strangerโs car for ten minutes crying. Went back to the wedding and basically dragged my husband back to the correct car this time.
I once went to the dentist, and everything was going well until the seasoned doctor came in to give me a cleaning with the dental scaler (scraping tool). My gums were sensitive at the time, and when she started scraping under them, it felt as though she was attempting to shove the tool completely under, while scraping side to side. I was convinced she was purposefully torturing me it hurt so bad. I just took it, tensing my body and clenching my fists, remaining silent until she was done. I was amazed that she didnt notice the anguish I was in throughout. I then proceeded to thank her, and walked out.
Gave my friend a wrong turn on the freeway and instead of telling him i messed up navigating I let him keep driving in the wrong direction for 30 minutes.
Sarpk7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gone to a picnic with friends I donโt really know and I didnโt said anything and eat anything for a day and I wanted to go and her family drived me that was so fucking wrong
On my way home from work there was some road works being done so the busses had been diverted. I couldn't be bothered to walk to a stop where i could get my bus so i decided to just get on a bus that took me out of the town centre and would get on my bus further out. The bus i got on went in the wrong direction around town and came to the same spot. I just got a taxi home after that. it took me twice as long to get home as it normally would.
i hid a friends broken laptop for a solid 3 years. he forgot about it and i think he forgot he ever had it. its actually really creepy because his parents live with him and that was handed down from his mother to him. but regardless it was still awkward
allowed the gal who stamped our lunch cards in primary school to address me by the wrong name for the entirety of my time there. too shy to correct an adult. thankfully, I grew out of that ;)
I've got a stutter which is usually fine but can get me into some uncomfortable places.
At my used-to-be-local chinese place you get a free soda with any order of $25 or more. I can usually tell if I'm gonna have trouble with a word (usually plosive sounds), so instead of asking for a diet whatever, I got regular ginger ale because I thought I could say the whole thing.
I was driving in a car with my boss and she proceeds to make a left turn on a green arrow as a car going straight is heading right towards us. i believe she was assuming they were turning left the other way. I saw the car and knew he was heading straight and made that awkward squeal/pumped the imaginary break as the car barley missed the back end of her vehicle. I don't know why I didn't alert her or scream or bring attention to the situation like a normal fucking person that doesn't want to die?
My knee cap dislocated in class and I fell to the ground; everyone went silent and we had a substitute who freaked out and called for a hall monitor person to get me a wheel chair. I could walk fine but everyone was staring at me so I just let the put me in the wheelchair which was extremely embarrassing. Also my phone screen shattered.
RIPN1995 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought a ticket to see Jobs 2 years ago.
The screen got mixed up and I saw Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1- i'd already seen it before.
For the life of me I don't know why I stayed and didn't mention the mix up to the staff....
Once in third grade we were supposed to bring frisbees and stuff to play with. If we forgot, no big deal, others had some.
Well I didn't bring any and I didn't want to ask anyone and I freaked out and just hid places.
The substitute found me and yelled at me and I cried. I ditched the last period just because I was too scared to face it.
To be fair I hate when teachers make us talk for group things, but this time my reaction to it was... odd.
Mirmlot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: /r/tifu material that should be on its own thread.
bl0bfish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:57:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of asking someone how the coffee maker worked, I filled the coffee pot with water and poured it into the coffee maker. I then decided to hit the button to start the coffee maker unknown to me that the coffee maker had a water source. I come back five minutes later to people eating lunch with coffee spilling all over the floor.
rigolith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Avoid taking specific routes on the road that have a high chance of me bumping into an old friend or someone I know.
edubalub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 15 and worked at a dog kennel...I was too nervous to ask for water so I filled a clean water bowl and drank from it....
treyt42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL back when i was inexperienced and had to cold call people at my job, I would call them on my cell from an unknown number and then call them from my desk one second later, so I could be sure to get voicemail from my desk phone and hang up when they answered my cell.
I was in college more or less staying with my fwb in her single room of a 6-room unit; all female.
We had hit a rough patch and one day while she was out at work I forgot one of the suite mates left her key in her room and would need to be let in at some point. Being absent-minded as I was, I started to lay back on the bed in my fwbโs room and go to town on myself.
It isnโt long before I hear a knock at the window and see the suitemate pointing at the door with an embarrassed look on her face. Iโm mortified as I walk out of the suite, down the hall to the door to let her in.
We exchange awkward smiles, and I walk down the hall with my head down.
To my surprise, she doesnโt walk into her room but follows me into my fwbโs room, sits down next to me on the bed, and puts her hand on my thigh.
I freeze up and donโt say a word until she gets frustrated/embarrassed and leaves.
I donโt think Iโll ever live it down.
TL;DR: Tall, sexy college girl saw me jacking off, walked into my room afterwards hoping to help, and I was too insecure to take advantage.
kragbar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to catch a bus to my workplace and there was a couple of dudes who'd get on the same bus. One of the guys thought I worked with him, at a factory around the corner, which I did not. I some how ended up playing along and pretending I did work with him. This went on for a few weeks - I'd get to the bus stop, on my way to work, he'd be there, after just finishing a shift at the factory, he thought I worked at....with him... He'd go on and on about who's an absolute cunt....who needs to be sacked...why he never see's me....etc.... Last day I bumped into him....he fell asleep on the bus as we're passing through town....some young kids and I mean young, like 7/8, started throwing pieces of paper at him...he's fast asleep at this time...but then one fateful piece of paper landed on his bald head....he awoke from his slumber in a blind rage and beat the fucking shit out of said kids.... baring in mind he must've been well in his 40's.
Never saw him again after that. Awkward situation resolved.
We were in Italia, we are from Denmark, a waiter explained the menu of a restaurant to us, we did not know a single word of Italian, and suddenly my dad just says "spaghetti" out of nowhere, with an Italian accent, he sounded like Mario.
Just yesterday I had to get a seat in a lecture hall after coming in a few minutes late (University), not wanting to have to bother people to let me though the isle, I decided to jump into a seat from the top of the hall. nearly fell over and smacked my face on the next row of seats. Awkwardly sat in the chair I landed in pretending like I meant to do that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of walking over to people during lunch to sit near them, I just sit at a table by myself and hope people will need some place to sit and sit next to me.
It's worked a few times.
o98zx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate a bowl of raspierries and salt(i thougth it was sugar) it was to alward to change, and this was with family of all things
Keith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was walking towards the exit doors in a grocery store next to a friend. Someone started walking in right then and there wasn't going to be enough room for the three of us to be next to each other to get through the doors at the rate we were all walking. So I kind of did a loop to the right and maybe a pirouette(?) to meet back up and exit the door after my friend. Was more awesome than dumb, but I guess the normal thing to do would have been to just slow way down for a few steps.
Back in my last year of highschool, I had freshly moved to a new place and missed out on the first few days of school. Me being the awkward kid I was, decided not to take the bus because I'd feel awkward... so for the whole year, summer to spring, I didnt take the bus once because of that small decision. Good time.
Moved states when I was fifteen, and tried to go trick or treating with a group of fresh new friends for the first time. Didn't bring a bag for some reason, so just ended up following a group of kids around while they trick or treated for candy and I looked like an awkward kid who'd never heard of the concept before. I'm sure someone probably offered to help me find a bag or something but I was already in too deep and just claimed I didn't want to so as to avoid any further confrontation about it. Played it super cool. Ended up marrying one of those kids, so that's cool I guess.
T_Peg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god so many. I call them my โSeinfeld adventuresโ.
So once I told a client that cabbage was supposed to be quite healthy, and also, randomly, that I havenโt seen parsnips in this country, while eating them quite often in the UK.
Next time I saw her, she proudly gave me some cabbage and some parsnips, which she bought that morning at a fancy farmerโs market. โOh, thank you, thatโs lovely,โ I said.
Next week, more cabbage, more parsnips. โHuh, um, wow, yeah, thank you...โ Next week, cabbage, parsnips, carrots, tomatoes. โOk, this is lovely, but you really donโt have toโ... โNONSENSE!โ She hollers. Next week she was pulling a little food cart thing behind her, since she upped it to broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, cilantro, grapes, celery, plums, kale, four types of radicchio, parsley, persimmons, savoy cabbage... If I tried to protest, she waved me away. If it helps to imagine it, she looks exactly like Cruella De Vil.
Every week, for almost a year now, I go to her place, dragging an empty suitcase on wheels, like and idiot, then place all the things she bought me, from her shopping cart, into my suitcase, and then drag my suitcase back home, unpack this mountain of food onto my table, and then stare at it. I canโt eat all that. I canโt even fit it in my fridge. Nothing I can do about it, NOTHING. This is me, for the rest of my life now.
Another story: when I was in vet school, I had a FAKE ring in my ear. At a place thatโs sort of unusual for an earring, higher up, at one of the cartilaginous bends. A cool girl in my class approached me and exclaimed โI had no idea you could pierce that, you are SO COOL, I love it, how amazing!!!โ So I said something like โoh hahaah no yes wait no haaaaauuuugh ehโ. I mean, I have no idea why I was so star struck, Iโm not a lesbian, but she had awesome dreads, and was the most famous lesbian in our year, and I loved her tattoos. So I said what I said. A few weeks later, she comes over to me all proud โLooook! I got it pierced too! The piercer was so difficult to convince, he was all like thatโs not a usual spot for an ear piercing, but I told him you had it pierced there, so to just do it!โ Yeah, I froze. Sooooooo, needless to say, I spent the next few years making sure I have that damn fake earring on every freakinโ day, in case she saw that there was no hole there. Luckily for me, her piercing healed nicely, and I might even have become the start of a new trend. I sorta never wanna see her again though. Totally lost that fake earring.
Not mine, but a friend: She works in a tiny office with just one other person in the tiny office, a boss from a different country, and neither speaks the otherโs language, so they try to communicate in broken English. She uses the work computer, which is all in Chinese, and she doesnโt speak a word of Chinese, so spends most of the day staring at a dictionary.
So one day when her boss was away on a work trip, she decided it would be a great idea to borrow the office vacuum cleaner for her flat, since she was in the process of buying a new vacuum cleaner, her old one died. She left it at her flat a day or two after her boss was back already. Her boss was always a bit suspicious of her, not that she deserved it, she never stole even a pencil. However, she did not know how to approach the subject of โI borrowed the vacuum cleanerโ. A few days later a brand new vacuum cleaner appears in the office. The boss says nothing. Stares at her. She says nothing. They work in silence for a few days. My friend then brings back the original vacuum cleaner, and now there are two vacuum cleaners next to each other, in this tiny office, where two people who donโt understand each other sit and sorta stare at each other. The subject was never touched upon. She still didnโt buy her own vacuum cleaner, but occasionally takes home the new one her boss bought, since itโs better than the old one. Still no one talks about it.
Staying with family so I was in the guest room. They had just kindly washed the bedding for me but it was still wet. Instead of putting in the dryer or asking for dry stuff I slept with a couple of my sweaters as blankets and air dried the wet bedding on the floor.
I once realized that i picked the wrong bus in a new place i came for Uni, after realizing thst there i took the wrong bus i was too ashamed of coming off the bus and take another one, so i sat down for like 2 hours till the bus stopped where i was picked. Then i took the right bus and managed to get home.
aeris311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll revise and truncate what I want to say so much in my brain before saying it that I end up saying something completely different. Ie:
I'm in a wheelchair, wanted to ask Mom to pick something up for me, mom had been limping about all day with a pinched nerve in her back.
What could have been word vomit of 'hey I feel bad about this and I know your back hurts but there's this thing I need help picking up off the floor do you hurt too much to be able to bend over to pick the thing up?' turned into:
Me - 'can you bend over?'
Mom - 'WHAT????'
fleaona ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat through an hour and a half of a business class, because I walked in the back door of the wrong room, instead of the front door of my Cultural Anthropology class. The hallway was long and blank with lots of doors. The classes were all identical and I was the first one there. I should have just got up and left right away, but I sat at the far side of the class against the wall, directly in front of the professor (we had 'guest lecturers' occasionally so I thought nothing of it being the wrong person). I left when he told us to break into groups to work on something. Oops. Also, my real class was only 50 minutes. What a waste of time. This was about 2 months into the semester too..
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didnt want to go through two groups of talking people so i tried to slide between these pillars and got stuck, swear i had it
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am the epitome of a guy who does the dumbest sht because hes too awkward to do the normal thing. I'll list a couple:
I take the long/less traveled routes around my school or any place if it means less human interaction with attractive female girls
I eat my lunch in my car and chill in there alone to avoid contact with other people, even if its 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside.
I take very small, polite bites of whatever food I'm eating with my body positioned in an uptight position if I'm eating with anyone that isn't a family member. Then I take my napkin and lightly clean my lips after every few bites.
-I find any and every reason possible not to leave my home, even if it means I don't eat for that day, just to avoid being seen by other people.
-When guests are over at my parents' house, I hide in in the furthest room and lock it. I don't talk and i position myself in the area furthest from the door so the sound of my movements don't reach the outside of the door.
-I did everything imaginable that was stupid in junior high and high school because I didn't want anyone to see me.
e3crazyb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any particular reason?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, its hard to say. Maybe I don't care to see other people. I know for sure, I don't like attracting attention towards myself. I guess I do somewhat prefer seclusion. I've traveled alot by myself.
TheNTMRE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once there was this really cute girl in my school, but I was new at the time and really shy. So instead of talking to her I danced on a pole singing Pour Some Sugar On Me to get her attention. But hey, it worked.
Achruss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I lived in Boston, I was too awkward to push the button on the bus to say when I needed to get off. I would ride, sometimes for miles, until someone else pushed the button. I would then just walk back to the place I was trying to go and be very late.
I could go on and on about all the stupid things I have done due to social awkwardness.
If you want hilarious answers, watch "Very British Problems."
If I'm taking a shit and someone uses the stall next to me and also takes a shit I will wait until they are done and leave because I don't want people to hear all the noise and splooshing in the toilet.
bronabas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a foreign exchange student in Germany, and I had my own bathroom on the top floor. One morning I was about to take a shower, so I was naked, but needed to take a piss first. As I was pissing, I sneezed so hard that I shat on the rug in front of the toilet. I had only been with the host family a week or two, so I was pretty horrified. I tried to clean it up as much as possible, but there was a stain. So, I moved the rug into the corner and set the waste basket over the stain. About 6 months later my host mother found it and asked what happened. Before I could answer she asked โdid you spill some medicine?โ Of course I said yes and moved on. She threw it in the wash and it came out, but I yeah... I still wonder if she somehow knew what happened.
If I realized I've walked the wrong way or passed where I was supposed to go I can't just turn around and proceed in the right direction. I have to either cross a street, enter a building, take a fake phone call, etc .. anything to make it seem like I did it on purpose
I had to go poop really bad and I really hated public bathrooms at the university, but had no choice. Went into one and sat down. Suddenly, two students came in and I got nervous, so I pinched my butt off right as the head of poop was peeking out and escaped the bathroom to go find another empty one. The other men's bathroom on the next floor was locked and I really had to go so I winged it and went into the girl's bathroom. Was too much in a rush to check if anyone was in any stall next to me and just let out a torrent of shit along with a loud manly sigh of relief.
Unfortunately, a girl who was in the 3rd stall over heard it and realized that there was a man in the woman's bathroom and she left to contact security because Oh No a man is in the girl's bathroom taking a shit...Got a warning not to do that again, but the public embarassment was punishment enough.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that dumb, but I had arrived late to class and realized I had a quiz on a scantron. So instead of asking anyone in my class if they had a pencil and scantron I could use, I literally sprinted to my truck and grabbed all my shit. Probably wouldโve been a lot easier to just ask a classmate.
When I was a kid I went on a road trip with a friend and her family. We were driving out in the middle of nowhere and i had to poop. Instead of asking if we could stop so i could drop trou on the side of the road, I pooped my pants.
When I was around 10-11 I went on a camping trip with my uncle and cousins. When we arrived I really needed to take a shit so I asked my cousins where the bathroom was. They told me there is no bathroom, use the trees. Welp, okay. So I went what I thought was a reasonable distance away from the camp site, squatted and took a shit. I then wiped with some leaves that had fallen on the ground. I came back and a few minutes later my uncle asks, "Why do I smell shit?" I'm super embarrassed and don't say anything at first, but they quickly work out it was me. They all start laughing and then my cousin said he was joking and I should've said that I needed to shit. I still find this embarrassing to this day.
I was goofing around--call it showing off--at a work function by pretending to have a karate fight with a younger employee. We were walking out the door at the end of dinner and he waved and ran, so I started to run after him. Instead I tripped, and since we were doing the fake martial arts, I did a forward roll. Snapped the tendon connecting my collar bone, but because other people were watching, I hopped up and bowed like I'd made an amazing save. Then I drove myself painfully and awkwardly to the emergency room.
I said hi and introduced myself to an ex's wife at Trader Joe's (only knew her from my own Facebook stalking ๐ณ). She did not know me, at all. I had just moved back to my hometown and was totally weirded out by seeing her. When I realized I had literally no reason to say anything at all to her, I mumbled something about how I was an old friend of his from college. I proceeded to get on with my shopping after that but the encounter still haunts me today. W.T.F.
When I was in elementary school, I sometimes went to daycare after school instead of my house because my parents weren't home and my older brother had wrestling practice. The daycare bus stop was 2 stops after my house. My house was on the side of the bus where you get off. No street crossing. The daycare was on the other side.
I was like maybe 6-8 at the time. I can't remember exactly what age. I wasn't very good at being in charge of remembering anything. So this particular day I was supposed to get off the bus at day care because my brother had wrestling practice. I was zoning out or day dreaming or on auto pilot in some way. I don't really remember the bus ride. I remember the bus stopping and my brain going okay get off.
Then I got off and my brain clicked and went "you are supposed to go to day care today" so I crossed the street. This is when I realize my error. I got off at the wrong stop and now crossed the street and the bus had already started closing its door, so it's definitely going to start driving forward.
Okay I'll go behind the bus then since I have to cross the street again and it is driving away.
I walk to the back of the bus and oh great there is a car there and it is ass raping the bus.
So what do you do now ? What does any normal person do now ?
I went under the bus. I bent down, crawled under, and rolled to the other side. Then I got up and I don't really remember the rest. I knew what I did was the dumb thing to do. I have no idea why I chose to do that.
I remember getting in trouble for it and both of my parents asked me why over and over again. I was like I literally don't know.
I used to be SUPER embarrassed by this and my parents would bring it up all the time. I hated it. I completely forgot about it for a while there until just now, so thanks for that.
When I was younger, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I used to save up my saliva for a long time until my mouth was full of it. One day at school, I was tying my boots in preparation for going home with mouth full of said saliva. I was sitting on a linoleum floor and tried to slip out a silent fart. Instead, I absolutely tore ass and everyone in my class turned to look at me with wide eyes. I couldn't say anything since my mouth was so full of spit so I just grunted as I pointed at my boot and dragged it across the floor, trying to convey the message it was my boot that made the noise, not my ass. Eventually everyone just slowly turned away, probably because they had no idea what the fuck was wrong with me.
This is still on going for me. I'm the manager at a local pizzeria and every Monday we get a delivery from one of our vendors and it's always the same driver that makes the delivery. About 6 months after I started working there I realized he was calling me Max but my name is Matt. I was too awkward to correct him since it had already been going on for half a year. It has now been almost 4 years and he still calls me Max and now every Monday all of the employees will also call me Max when he shows up. I'm dreading the day that he finally realizes that Max isn't my name and he calls me on the fact that I never corrected him.
I'm step into a conversation with a cute girl and was following along there was a very brief pause, and I felt like I wanted to acknowledge said cute girl in some way but I know my window is brief. So here I am, in the middle of a four-person conversation, making direct eye contact and just saying, "Hey."
I noped the fuck out right after that, as the depth of my idiocy hit me.
At church once, had to stand in front of everyone with a group of people. Everyone had to come up front to shake our hands. This 80 year old man walks by me and I whisper in his ear "I love you", never saw the man before in my life and no clue why that came out of my mouth. I was 14 btw.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago in middle School I came in, my friends were all in a circle, I walk into the circle, but can't really get in, I'm more on the very outside and everyone's talking except for me, I was very short and quickly realized this was awkward and went to the bathroom for like 10 minutes hoping class would've started, I walk out and they're all still there, I walk over and one of my more friend of a friends says "where were you for so long?" And I go "oh I was in the bathroom", there an awkward silence for like 6 seconds and I freak out and go "I have to go to the bathroom" and speed walk away
Orut-9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Election Day last year I heard there was a bus that was taking people to vote since it was off campus. Now, I never used the bus before, so this was all new to me. I got on the bus that I thought was going to the polls and ended up just awkwardly riding around campus for almost an hour. Eventually the bus driver noticed that I wasn't getting off and was starting to give me some weird looks so I got off at some random stop and had to walk for about 15 minutes back to the bus stop.
This time I got on a different bus, but I was wrong again, and ended up getting off at the same stop I got on.
Eventually I decided I was gonna walk and walked for a solid 10 minutes before I realized that there were two places to vote and I was going to the wrong one.
Finally after about 45 minutes of walking I made it and was able to vote.
All in all it was about 2 hours just to get there, plus like a half hour wait and then a 20 minute walk back to my dorm room, all because I didn't ask anyone which bus I had to ride. Hell, my candidate didn't even win so it was basically all for nothing
I was leaving dragonboat practice at the same time as my coach, and as we exited the parking lot I realized that we were both going to be stopped at an upcoming intersection. I really wanted to avoid the awkward situation of either having to acknowledge a person I had just parted ways with, or the even more awkward situation of purposefully ignoring someone at a red light for a whole minute. So I accelerated on the yellow, and blew threw the intersection. There was a red a light camera. I had to pay a $320 fine.
Didn't pee for a few days. At a retreat. Couldn't figure out when everyone was going cuz we had so many activities and I didn't want to be the weirdo that got up in the middle of something.
Comma-D ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate my salad with a spoon because I felt too awkward to get back up for a fork once I had sat down to eat.
asspaint ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever go to take a poo in a public bathroom but thereโs someone in a stall already so you just wash your hands and walk out? Yeah me too.
It was the first day of the semester and I walked into what I thought was my class. The lecture had already started, which I thought was weird, because I had purposely arrived 5 minutes early. Professor is going on about the syllabus and and such when I realized I was in the wrong class... my class was in the same room but an hour later. So instead of getting up and walking out or saying "sorry wrong class" I just sat there for 30 more minutes until the professor went around the classroom and did the whole introduce yourself" thing. She got to me and I was just like "hi my name is born2stab and turns out I'm in the wrong class" and left. It was the worst. Then I had to have her as a professor half an hour later for my correct class.
Had a peppermint in my mouth at a sorority recruitment, didnโt know what to do with it so I put it in my hand. One of the girls then shook that hand and got the sticky candy all on her palm...
When I started dating my SO, I would go pee outside because the bathroom was connected to my bedroom and didn't have a fan. I didn't want her to hear me toot when I peed. I always told her I was checking to make sure the doors were all locked.
wolf1799 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 10 and staying over at my aunts house, I woke up and immediately needed to take a shit. But there were only two bathrooms in the house, one in the hallway outside my room and one in my aunts room. Long story short someone was in the hallway bathroom and I was too awkward to go to my aunts room, so I just shit in my pants.
Once while in college I was too lazy to take the flight of stairs up to the second floor. Worried someone would see me on the elevator and judge me for my laziness, I faked a limp into the elevator and out.
This was my first lunch with new coworkers. I was eating my sandwich in the lunch room, lots of people were there. Someone asked me a question and for some reason I didn't wait to chew and swallow, thinking it would be impolite to make them all wait for a reply directed at me. I must have inhaled a bread crumb the moment I began speaking but guess what, I had to finish what I started right? So I spoke and coughed at every other syllable. Clearly choking on some toasty bread and lettuce. One person left haha It was weird. I'm not normally that weird. Cringe for sure. I hate you all for reminding me of this.
When I was in HS, I was in the car with my best friend and her parents, with her dad driving. At one point, we were coming off a ramp and he thought it was a one way and was driving on the wrong side of the road. Best friend and her mom were both looking out the window or distracted by something and her dad was looking at directions on his phone and there was another car (still pretty far but) coming straight at us. I didn't want to tell him he was driving wrong so I decided I would wait until the last possible second before alerting him or hoping the other car would honk. Eventually, my mom's best friend looked up and screamed and he swerved just as the other car noticed and started honking. I almost let us all die. Best part is I awkwardly looked around the car just trying to telepathically get somebody to look up.
My mom called me when I was at school asking if I would come home for the dinner. I insisted on telling her not to make me any meal since I would hangout with a friend that night. Then my friend cancelled the date. I was too afraid to let my mom know so I went around alone in the rain and then went home without eating anything. My stomach (and body) was suffering a lot later that night lol
Around the age boys and girls discover each other, my friends kept asking me if I had a crush or who I thought was cute, and I didn't know how to tell them I had none and thought none of the boys were cute. (Probably because I'm very gay, but I didn't know it then.) So instead of admitting to my friends I didn't have those feelings and risk them thinking I was odd, I pretended to have crushes on multiple boys and then proceeded to tell those boys just to prove it. Every once in a while my brain reminds me of this embarrassment and I have to sit down to process how dumb I was as a kid.
As a sophomore in college I somehow managed to land a internship within one of the departments on campus despite (at the time) being a perpetually-zoned, extremely awkward ball of social anxiety. One of the biggest perks of the internship was the chance to attend a large conference in the middle of the year for an entire week.The professor who ran the whole thing was a mentor to many, but she took absolutely no shit and would regularly rip her students a new one one if she felt they deserved it. She was just a powerhouse and super intimidating to be around if you weren't an extrovert. I adored her, but was also pretty frightened by her. One day all of the student interns had to attend a meeting to discuss the upcoming conference. I was always afraid of being late, so I arrived super early and quickly grabbed a seat. People started coming in a few minutes later, and the professor ended up sitting right next to me. The meeting was pretty serious as we were discussing travel costs, hotel stays, etc. I could hardly pay attention because I was so anxious, and at one point the professor turns towards me and assigns me a task. As she's talking, a sudden rain of spit flies from her mouth and lands all over my nose, upper lip, and chin. I was mortified. I truly thought that if I wiped my face it would be interpreted as deliberately embarrassing her, and then everyone would know she kind of showered me (no one seemed to notice it happened. Heck, I'm not even sure she did.) Irrational, sophomore me did not want to be ripped to shreds. So I sat there for another 45 minutes while her spit slowly dried onto my face. 25 of those minutes was spent with her talking directly at me about my new task while I attempted to take notes with a shaky hand. I was so drained after the meeting that I went to my dorm, washed my face, and went to sleep in the middle of the day haha
I was hustling across this little hilly, grassy quad at school and rolled my ankle in a hole and biffed it, and instantly laid down and opened my binder and pretended to read until the last of the witnesses cleared out
Around 19 or 20; I have zero logic the moment I become frazzled
I went to another school where I could NOT comprehend the parking lots/roads and, on my first day, ended up driving on a sidewalk; couldnโt find an outlet, started panicking...then students start exiting classrooms onto said sidewalk, so I threw it in reverse, hauled ass back home, and had my roommate drive me back and drop me off in a different vehicle
I had been working at a supermarket (my first job) for a couple of months and was grabbing some drinks from the storeroom to fill the shelf. The boss must not have heard me in there and locked the 4m tall gate on me. I heard him leaving as I stood there in silence, watching leave to go back to the store. I spent a good amount of the next 20 minutes attempting to scale the pallets of drinks along the wall to climb back over the gate and continue my work in another section.
So a friend didn't want to poop at a lady's house that he had just hooked up with. He found an empty gallon bucket in her garage, pooped in there and then hid it.
He stopped seeing her before finding out if she ever discovered the poop bucket.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How was your day today? I have decided that I shall go to my friend's house today after school. I'm in high school now and I think it's time I branch other into the world on my own. I'm becoming a young adult and need my independence. Please understand where I am coming from when I say this. It's not you, it's me. I will love you both always. I will be home in time for dinner.
Yours truly,
kathy_007"
cookerlv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I signed up for driving practice, and the lady mispronounced my name, but I was too awkward to correct her, so I sat in a car for 4 hours over two days with my name being mispronounced multiple times.
At least they got your name right. My name is Hillary but i guess the way I say it, I always get called Lori for some reason. While I'm at work. Wearing a name tag that says Hillary.
As a child I was convinced plungers were incapable of living up to their namesake. I was probably just using them wrong, but my track record was almost entirely comprised of failed attamots, and so I assumed they were nothing more than a waste of time and effort. As a result, if I clogged a toilet, it often stayed clogged. Because of this, I always tried to use as little toilet paper or few wipes as possible, to avoid the from becoming blocked.
Well, fast forward to me one day at a friend's house, and I had to take a shit. I didn't like pooping in other people's homes (I found and do admittedly still find it embarrassing), but I couldn't hold it this time, so off I went to sit on the porcelain throne.
The deed was done easily enough, but my fears were realized when I saw the water level start rising as I flushed. Panicking at the thought of my blunder being discovered, and sure of the plunger's impotency, I racked my brain for a solution. "Aha!" I thought. "I'll use a stick! I'll force the refuse down the hole!"
Sure of my plans, I made my way outside, and looked for a suitable stick. I don't recall how the search went (this is where things get fuzzy) but I eventually found a stick, and retreated inside to attempt to slay my foe.
Unfortunately, the feces proved too mighty a foe for my wimpy wood. The stick was practically useless. It could pierce the pie, but was powerless to dislodge it.
At this point, I can't recall if I admitted defeat and trudged to my friend's parents with my tail between my legs or if I, in indignant defiance, simply flushed the toilet once more, under the illusion that repeating the futile act with more fury would force the matter down the hole. I think it may have been the latter.
To my utter dismay, the water simply rose even higher, and, in a most anticlimactic manner, flowed over the top of the toilet. It was at this juncture that I believe I finally conceded to my fecal frienemy, and ran to my friend's parents with what I can only imagine was a look of pure horror upon my face and a hurried voice.
The rest is in pieces. I remember my friend's mother being upset and asking what I did, and I've never forgotten her shortly after exclaiming how I had gotten "shit-water" on her floor. I've not been so embarrassed as that day since. Or if I have, my mind has chosen to be merciful to me and grant me blissful release from the burden of those memories.
In grade 2 i wasnโt listening in class and the teacher called me on it and I told her that I was going deaf and needed tubes in my ears. I pretended to be semi deaf for over a month until I told her I got the tubes put in.
I was wandering around Osaka Castle park and an old man asked me where I was heading in very broken English. For some reason I said Kyoto so I let him walk me 30 minutes to the train line and into the gates. I then hid behind the corner for 10 min before running 30 minutes back to my apartment in Osaka ๐ค
During an interview to be a big sister for the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization the guy asked me if I believed in corporal punishment. I was pretty nervous because he was acting so serious in the interview that I confused it with capital punishment so I said, "yeah, I guess if they murdered someone and it was particularly cold blooded or something." I realized my mistake pretty quick and felt so awkward that instead of admitting my mistake I just rolled with it like "I'll spank some kid if they're a murderer!" Surprisingly, I passed and was a big sister for a couple of years to a cute little girl.
I walked miles in the wrong direction to avoid a 4 way traffic intersection where my bus would have been. I was afraid the people in the cars would see me. In my defense, I had a difficult upbringing.
One day I drove past a house with tons of toys lined up in the yard. I was excited about this great yard sale, and had my 3 year old with me AND cash. Pull all the way up in the driveway, right next to the house to accommodate all the others bound to stop by this awesome sale. Picked up a few toys, but couldn't find any prices. Then I looked around- there was no yard sale sign. And it was a Wednesday at 2:00. It wasn't a yard sale! I dragged my daughter away screaming, and couldn't pull out of that driveway fast enough.
Used to get the same train home from work everyday, one day I see a guy from high school that I kind of spoke to but not really, anyway, he come up to me and we start talking and then I realise we're getting the same train, I make it through the journey just and think that was nice. Next day I get straight on the train and I'm chilling, the guy then walks by the window and sees me comes in and sits next to me and we run out of conversation in two mins then have the most awkward 10 minute train ride. From then on I waited outside the station to see where he got on to avoid all future contact.
I know someone who pooped in a trashcan in a public bathroom because they didn't want other people to hear the splash when it hit the water. I still don't understand this one.
raechuuu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:59:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I thought of a worse one! (Second comment on this thread)
I am a female. When I was around 8 or 9 I went to a church that was being held in a public high school. Being so young, this place was huge and very confusing to me. I'm wandering around, searching for the bathroom, lost and in desperate need to relieve myself.
Now somewhat near the restrooms that I finally find is the boys youth group, sitting in a circle, praying or some shit. Anyways I rush into the restroom and immediately realize my mistake. Ihave just wandered into the men's room. It was empty, thank God, but I could tell by the urinals clearly. I am about to head back out and correct my mistake but I can hear the 20+ teenage boys all collectively laughing at me. So I just stand in the men's room, too afraid to leave.
After what felt like forever, but was probably about a minute, the youth leader, realizing I'm not going to come out, walks in and says something along the lines of, "sweetie, you know this is the men's room" I just nod, with a face full of tears and follow him out...
Yeah that was pretty tramautizing for me for a long time. Hahaha
tldr; 9 year old little girl me accidentally walks into men's room. Group of teenage boys are outside. I'm too awkward to walk back out because I can hear them laughing at me. Just stayed there until someone came in to get me.
My friend had pony rides at one of his birthday parties growing up. I was in line for a ride when the pony came to a stop on my foot, just as the pony ride guy went on break. Instead of saying "ow" or "help" I just bit my lip and teared up until I could get the pony to move.
bindzzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During school holidays in grade 9, a boy from a grade 10 me asked me to be his girlfriend over the phone. I said yesโfeeling the pressureโthen regretted it the second we got off the phone. THE NEXT DAY, instead of telling him the truth that I had a change of heart, I lied and told him that I cheated on him and that he should break up with me... thinking that itโd make him feel better to make him think that he dodged a bullet early on, and that betrayal would be an easier blow for him to cop than rejection. What I didnโt consider (other than his feelings) was how this would go down with his friends. He was pretty popular so I had 10-20 people from school post on my Facebook wall about how terrible of a person I was. I was so embarrassed that I changed schools (back to the all-girls boarding/day school I had left earlier that year).
Once we began to talk a year later, to cover up my first lie I said that I was blackmailed into telling him I cheated on him. BLACKMAILED. As if that happens in real life. He ended up forgiving me and took me on a date to see Transformers then to McDonaldโs afterwards.
Itโs little to no surprise that we didnโt work out, especially once he tried to make out with me as I fought tears while Bumblebee died. It still haunts me to think about what lengths I went to, to avoid dating a guy who wasnโt even that bad of a dude. Glad to say this chain of events terrified me into telling people the truth, regardless of whether or not it might hurt their feelings. Also that betrayal is a lot more hurtful than someone not being attracted to you.
cough so... uh... is someone going to cleanse me of my sins now? Jesus? Buddha? God?
When I was 17 I had recently got my license. I went to the gas station and paid for twenty dollars of gas, but I forgot to check which pump I was on so the clerk looked out the window and asked if it was the black one. I drove a black focus so I said yeah and walked to the pump. But somehow the guy ignored my car and only saw the other car that just pulled up, that also happen to be black and put the gas on his pump. I was too shy to go back in and say something so I just left and went to the next gas station I saw. At least I paid for someone's gas I guess...
bindzzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve deactivated my Facebook account on my birthday in case only one or two people say Happy Birthday to me and I look like a loser. This makes me look like even more of a loser when people go to say Happy Birthday to me and Iโve virtually disappeared.
Was swimming in my family's pool when i had to shit really bad. Not wanting to get their wood floor wet, and didn't have enough time to dry off.. I shat in their side yard which was cement. Uncle noticed and i blamed it on the dog, but he knew that was a pile of human poo...
So I was at the mechanic shop picking up my wifeโs car that her dad, my father in-law, had paid for to get fixed. Her parents have used this same mechanic for years so now I canโt go back there because Iโm awkward. While waiting in the lobby the mechanic says something like โOk, itโs all finished and it looks like itโs all ready been paid for by your dad.โMe:โWell heโs my STEP-dad.โ..........in my head โWhy did you say step-dad? Heโs not your step dad heโs your father in law youโve never had a step-dad.....too late now as far as these guys know heโs my step dad and Iโm a little bitter about it and refuse to call him dad.
kay2zee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:00:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in my third year of university, and this was my first class back after break. I was already a little late so I hurried in and took my seat. It was only after 20 minutes of the tutor going through the subject admin that I realised I was in the wrong class. Awkward me thought it best to just sit through the rest of the hour long class, instead of upping and leaving. Making minimal interaction with others and the tutor, hoping that I'd never see them again.
PS: If it makes it any better, it was a second year subject, so I pulled up my old notes on my laptop and followed through with the class.
ConVito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:34:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a group project back in high school. We did it at the house of one of the group members. I was the first one there, so it was just me and the other guy.
I went to the bathroom and just sat in there for an hour until the others finally showed up.
n3k1d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:45:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, so I'm in second grade, and my teacher, Ms. Johnson, is this really sweet old lady. It's the end of the day, the bell's about to ring, and us kids are playing around. I'm standing with my pals and Ms Johnson is giving out hugs as we are about to leave. My back is to the teacher. She approaches me and my pals and gives me a hug. From my perspective an arm entered my field of vision from behind, then she began to hug, and it startled me. A fucking HEFTY amount of drool just drops from my startled mouth onto her arm. Like a half fucking cup of drool. The moment seems to stretch out. I'm embarrassed that I've drooled all over the teacher and I'm sure she's fairly disgusted to have an armload of drool. So instead of apologizing, or offering to grab a Kleenex, I get too embarrassed and flounder, I shove my fucking face down onto the drool arm, and wipe it off with my cheek.
borris14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:47:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a really fancy Bat Mitzvah when I was ~11-12, and I did 3 unthinkable things.
1) I was eating at a table where it was just me and around 5 girls I knew from school. They all went to the bathroom together, and told me to watch their purses. I felt weird doing nothing at an empty table at a big party. So instead of just doing nothing, I decided to look through all their purses for the heck of it. When the girls got back and saw me snooping, I got a good yelling. Luckily, they were my friends, but still.
2) We played a massive game of musical chairs. Like, 30 kids big. Well, I got a little too competitive. In the very 1st round, I was scrambling to get a chair, and I managed to be the last one to get a seat. But it turns out the person I edged out was the girl whose Bat Mitzvah it was. So I had an entire party of parents, relatives, and kids looking at me in silence because I'd taken the last seat from the Bat Mitzvah girl. I decided to relinquish the seat and give it to her because it was her party, and I just walked away.
3) My mom had agreed to give my friend a ride home after the party, so I was supposed to tell my friend when we were leaving. Problem was, this friend was a girl I had a crush on at the time. When it came time to leave, I saw the girl at a table talking with a bunch of cool-looking people I didn't know. I didnt want to bother her, so I just left without her. I told my mom that my friend had already left the party. When i saw her in school, she said she did get a ride from someone else eventually, but she was looking forward to leaving with me and was waiting for me to come get her. Oh what could have been...
I crossed a street instead of walking past a group of teenagers
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:00:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was bench pressing a weight that was too heavy for me in the gym and I was struggling. A girl saw me struggle. So I put the weight back, admitted defeat and left the gym rather than just pick a lower weight.
If I have to turn left onto a semi-busy street with no stop sign/light, and if there are any cars behind me, I will just turn right and do a series of turns on other streets to get going in the direction I need... rather than risk the car behind me getting mad because they have to wait.
seanbear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking my dog down my street when I heard someone call out my name. I had headphones in so I thought I misheard and then I just carried on walking. Then they called my name again - and then again - and again, but including my last name, so it was 100% me they were calling and not someone else.
I didnโt turn back to look.
I just pretended to not hear them. I never did find out who it was.
The memory of this really vague but I'll try to recount it as good as possible. So when I was about six years old I was over at a friends house for the night. At some time in the night I felt the sudden urge to take a huge shit. (at least for a six-year old it felt like a huge one) But I was too scared to run past anyone that might still be up so I pretty much just stood around waiting for my courage to build up and go. Well seems like it never build up because the next thing I remember is a giant turd on the ground just infront of the stairs.
I worked in a kitchen and one of the waitresses ended up cutting her finger on a knife. I got a plaster out of the first aid box for her and she held her hand out to take the plaster.
Instead I took the hand that was bleeding and started to put the plaster on for her, only realising half way through doing this that she wanted me to give her the plaster and not put it on for her but I was already committed at this point. She was just like 'ummm.....thanks?' and walked off.
My boyfriend and I were still in the awkward, early dating stage when he offered to make a seafood dish for dinner one night. Being sweet, he offered me a piece of shrimp and I ate it... only to discover it tasted really bad. Like something wasn't right. He asked me, "how's it taste?" And I nodded, told him it was delicious because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
He added the shrimp to the pasta and stirred, and we sit down to eat. I ate several bad shrimp before he asked me if I thought the shrimp tasted funny.
I was so relieved he noticed, but now our dinner was ruined. Because I didn't speak up.
In college when it came time for break in between classes I felt it was too weird to eat outside on a bench as everyone walked by and wasn't sure if i could eat in a lobby. When I didn't bring food I also didn't go back to my car so I would buy food and go eat my meal in the bathroom
I kept my pants down to make it look like I was taking a shit and stopped eating as people came in... I didn't want to seem like a loner. I now see how weird that is.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:13:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was one of those kids who would come up with a crossword that fit the blanks but only in my own mind would it fit the definition.
On the first day of sixth grade I had braided my long hair for my bath the night before and the next morning I woke up late for the bus. I took my hair out of the old braids and ended up with wild locks because they had set all night in the wet braids. I did not have time to re-braid the mess so I just went to school that way.
In the hall a girl I had never met looked at my hair funny and asked me if it was natural. For me the word fit because my hair had gotten that way by accident, not intentionally, so I said yes. She said oh that can't be natural.
While proceeding to my classroom I realized what she really meant, but by then I was trapped in my first answer. What could I say, oh I thought you meant accidental? So, at lunch the same girl comes up to me with her friend. Her friend asks me if that's my natural hair, so I say yes. She just screws up her nose at me and they saunter off.
So that night and every night for two months, to keep up appearances, I slept in wet braids and took them out in the morning and went to school with straight roots, kinky locks, and straight ends.
I finally could no longer stand my charade, so on a weekend I snuck into my mom's bathroom with the three way mirrors and scissors and chopped off my braids at the ear.
When I walked into the kitchen, my mom screamed her head off and ranted at me for like ten minutes. I could not bring myself to tell her why I had done this.
She ordered me to go back to the mirrors and try to even it up. She would not help me probably because she was too heartbroken about my long flaxen braids. And then i realized that maybe the girl who asked me if my hair was natural was talking about the color and not the kinks.
When I went to school the following Monday all the girls could not keep their hands out of my cute bob and all was right with the world again. This was back in 1972.
New waitress job. I went to pour a man a glass of water and I spilled a bunch of water on the table, instead of cleaning it up, I avoided that table as long as I could. I don't know why. When I finally got the courage to fix my mistake, they were just getting up to leave
JesseAye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to IHOP with my SO a couple of months ago. A couple moments after being seated, the waiter comes up to our table, and says "Hi". That's it. Me, naturally being awkward, freaked out, and said "How are you?" It was so awkward, me and my SO could barely contain our laughter until after he walked away with our order for appetizers.
Sylbinor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is much easier to do in my native tongue, but I managed to speak without directely refering to him to the father of a friend of mine for years. I would use only sentences that did not state openly the subject when talking to him, because it was too akward for me to do that.
In my mother tongue impersonal constructions are relatively common so this was perfectly doable with a little bit of effort.
Oh god. Once when I was 11ish I took a dump at a friends house but it wouldn't flush... so I just left it there.. friends parents come home and smell the poop right away. They blamed it on my friends little sister who was about 7.
Edit: I got another one. In my freshman year of college I joined a poetry club. One day we read a poem and took turns saying what we thought of it. They asked me what I thought I didn't say a single word. The whole room was quiet as everyone stared, waiting.
Edit2: I got more. I somehow didn't get the memo about a take home test in my theater class of 300 people. You were supposed to complete the test online. It was a final exam. I somehow didn't know about it until after it was due. Instead of asking the teacher for an extension, I quietly took a failing grade on my final.
In my freshman year of High School I had a boring, easy, forgettable computer class in 3rd period and normal P.E. in 4th period. Somehow I got the two periods mixed up and ended up going to 3rd period P.E. Realized after about 3 minutes. Had to take a 84 minute P.E. class. Even worse, it was the "Advanced" football/basketball athletes P.E. class. Most tiring 84 minutes of my life.
Was heading to a French lecture one day, and I tripped and fell halfway in the doorway and everybody stopped talking to look at me. I had no idea what to do so I simply turned around and went home all while saying "uhhh....."
Just happened today. I'm going away on a fishing trip with my friends and us passengers were having a few beers while we drove out to our accommodation. Two of my friends said stop the car we need to pee and at this time I was busting too but instead of going I just held it in cause I didnt want to pee on the side of the road with them.
After we got back on the road they stopped again because they wanted to take a photo with a sign. I said I'd go pee first and cause I was busting it was one of the longest I've ever done. They yelled at me to hurry up and I almost peed on myself trying to pee faster.
On my first day of college, I arrived early to my first class and sat in the front row of the classroom, which was an amphitheater-style room. (I was a huge nerd.) About 10 minutes into the lecture, I got a horrible bloody nose. I had no tissues or anything, and didn't know what to do, so I just put my face in my hand, pinched my nose, and stared at the desk for the next hour and a half. I still cringe thinking about it!
brycnut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a freshman in college I got invited to a party at my friend's girlfriend's house. As soon as we get there, he sneaks away (to go bang her I presume). So I just stand there awkwardly and start pounding beers. Well this in turn leads to me having to pee really bad every 15 minutes. But instead of just using the bathroom in the house I decide I should pee outside in the bushes. And everytime I do I hear angry knocking on the window. This happens several times over the next hour.
As I am approaching the kitchen door for yet another outdoor piss, the door swings open very quickly. Three cops are standing there. So I panick and instead of being normal and just walking away, I stand in the open doorway and salute them. They stood there very confused for 10 seconds then pushed me aside and shut down the party.
I later learned that the cops were called "because some asshole kept peeing outside on the neighbor's house instead of just using the bathroom".
steinb11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:57:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a movie with my friend. Movie ended, I went to the restroom. I closed the stall door and began doing whatever you do in a bathroom stall. He walks in the bathroom during and we are talking. Now, we are big Family Guy fans and will have entire conversations in Family Guy quotes. Anyway he walks in and starts talking to me and I yell out a stewie quote (in a stewie voice) from the stall "OUCH I POPPED A DAMN BLOOD VESSEL!"
He bursts out laughing and I hear someone slam the bathroom door. Turns out there was a small child I did not know was in the in bathroom, and when I yelled the kid got petrified and ran out of the bathroom. Walking out and seeing the kid looking terrified holding onto his mother was a very uncomfortable moment for me.
I was doing an interview and they purposely put the chair at the end of the room. They told me I could sit so I looked behind me and slowly dragged the chair to sit down. All the interviewers were trying so hard to laugh. I didn't see the chair that was pushed into the table at the end of it. I dragged that chair for nothing.
So, I work the nightshift in a IT service desk. Nightshift is just a monitoring shift and I'm alone in the office.
An hour before my replacement arrives, I need to take a dump. So I do my business, wipe and flush... except the toilet is just filling up. I panick a bit, wait for it to recede a bit and try to flush again. No dice. I figure I might need to wait a little longer for things to just loosen up naturally until the water can flow again.
Half an hour later, I try flushing again. Same result.
Now I really start to panic.
Now, I could have just done the reasonable thing, hung a "Out of Order!" sign on the door and send off an email to facility management.
But no, having to tell my replacement that I clogged the toilet with a massive turd and too much paper would be embarassing.
So I start searching the office for tools. I find a metal coat hanger and some trash bags.
I twist it into a hook, roll up my sleeves and get to work removing my business from the toilet. I dump everything in the trash bag. Finally, I hear a sudden 'Squelsh... Fluuuuussssssshhhh' and the water goes down!!! Elation! I stuff the twisted coat hanger into the trash bag, stuff the bag into another trash bag and stuff it as deep as I can into the trash can. Proceed to wash myself and get out of the toilet room just as my replacement gets into the office.
Dunno if this fits but was on a double date with my girlfriend, my best friend, and his girlfriend at the Mexican place down the street. Server comes up to our table to get our order and all of a sudden I can't understand any English. Just started between the server and my girlfriend with the wildest look of confusion on my face. Eventually just blurted out a number. Ended up with 2 delicious tacos and gave her a 75% tip cause I was so embarrassed.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol happens to me all the time, except the other way around, just randomly forget every last Spanish word and just sit there ehhhh.... Lol being bilingual is hard sometimes
Pretending to be asleep on an airplane because I donโt want to have to ask the stewardess what other snacks they have after I see them passing out pretzels and knowing I really donโt want pretzels.
I was in middle school probably in like 2001 in a rural-ish area of New Hampshire, in 7th grade. I was already devastatingly unpopular and was frequently called 'gay' and was picked on for being an overly confident good student who didn't know it wasn't cool to raise your hand in class every time even though you knew the answer to every question. Add on some gap teeth, baby fat, tucked-in shirts, and an unashamed love of plays, musicals, and museums and you are starting to get an idea of how miserable my situation was.
So here I am in homeroom one Thursday morning. My homeroom happened to be one of the art rooms so everyone is sitting on stools around the tables reading or doing work. Some kids had been acting up and the teacher enforced 15 minutes of silence. About 5 minutes in, I feel a sneeze coming on. I didn't want to unleash it into my arm or the air, so I tried to hold it in.
The sneeze came. I went to hold it in. Tensed my body and at the perfect moment, I farted.
It must have been the angle I was sitting on the stool or something because it was the crispest sounding fart you could imagine. It was short but it was loud and bright and clear.
Instantly a handful of kids started laughing while the rest of the class just stared at me with wondering eyes. I panicked and started looking around the room with a "where did that come from" kind of look, but it was hopeless. Even if the cute girl sitting at my table had done the same thing, I would have gotten the blame by virtue of my weirdo status.
So I spent the next 10 minutes trying to slide my stool around underneath me trying to get it to make a similar sound so I might be able to pass the blame to an inanimate object. This just drew more attention to me and the laughter continued.
Thankfully my family moved soon after and I switched schools.
zaja_bf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the holiday season. My company had this Christmas Party with tons of beers and it was so much fun.
HR said it's time to go home so we finished the last couple of boxes of beers before leaving.
It was late but holiday traffic was pretty bad so i make sure i peed before leaving the office.
One of the developer invited me for a ride going home coz her family will pick her up and we live close to each other.
I said sure! Holiday traffic was crazy! We were in the middle of the highway when all of a sudden i felt the strong urge to pee.
I told my self i can hold this i am sure of it!
15 mins later and we have not moved a mile at all and i was getting so uncomfortable.
I whispered to my friend to drop me off coz i needed to pee so bad that i dont care if it's in the middle of nowhere.
She was laughing and all i care about was i had to do it now or their car will smell something else.
All of sudden she started talking to her uncle and step mom about it and they started laughing!!!
To my surprised, a couple of minutes later her uncle handed me an empty bottle. He said "this always happen on our road trip so we always keep an empty bottle for emergency"!!!
I just wanted to disappear at that moment. I wanted to get out of the car and say fuck it with this traffic i am sure i can pee somewhere right before our car starts moving again!
Her and her step mom encouraged me and told me don't be shy!!! it's pretty normal!
I can't hold it anymore. I was sitting beside my friend. Thank goodness there's a cardboard at the back sit of their car. So i told her with dignity and respect to please turn around as i am gonna do it.
So i did! I peed in the bottle while they were laughing at me. And it's the most amazing feeling and the most embarrassing moment of my life all the same time.
Recently, In an interview I asked where the bathroom was. The guy interviewing me pointed me down the hall and to the right. As I followed his instruction... No bathroom anywhere. Either he said the wrong thing or I'm an idiot and just couldn't find it. Instead of going back and asking him to clarify I pretended I found fine and proceeded to interview with a full bladder for 3 more hours.
In middle school I used to do this 'Teen Youth Leader Club,' in which you'd sit and discuss how to make the community a better place. I was one of three girls and the only thirteen year old, so I didn't have that many friends. The meetings would start at 4, but I'd get out of school at 4:15, so I'd always be late, which made me uncomfortable because everyone would stare at me as I'd sit down. I got tired of it and eventually I started to hide in the bathroom stall for the remaining duration of the meetings. I'm 17. My mom still doesn't know.
c-go ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a restaurant waiting for my burger and they were taking their time. So I noticed the waiter was looking a bit confused, looking for the receiving customer, while my alleged burger was sitting on the kitchen counter. I tried to get his attention by staring at him but apparently he didn't notice me. At least I think so because when another guy ordered a different burger he let him have mine as compensation because they ran out of meat that day and my burger was the last one made. So instead of speaking up then I just sat there for 10 more minutes before reminding him that I didn't get my order yet.
I was at an ATM and it was giving me problems and someone pulled up behind me, I was embarrassed it was taking me so long so I cancelled my transaction and went around the bank to let them go ahead of me, I did this 5 times.
Vexorg88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:39:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a server at a restaurant in Colorado and realized, upon arriving for my shift, that I had forgotten my work shoes. Instead of just walking in and telling my manager, I decided to leave and and never come back.
Given turnover in the service industry, I could also have ended there, but instead I got my friend to call the manager, pretending to be a doctor at University of Utah Medical Center. He said I'd been in a motorcycle accident and would be laid up for quite some time. He suggested gently that they could probably "let me go". The manager said, that legally she could not do that. Several weeks later, on fabricated U of U letterhead I mailed in a resignation along with my apron via my friend who lived in Salt Lake City (to get the postmark right).
The audio for that first phone call was recorded and the genuine concern in the voice of my manager makes me feel (even 15 years later) like a gigantic jerk.
I used to really enjoy scaring my sister when we were teenagers. I came home from school one day and I could hear her in the living room watching tv so I tucked my trousers in my socks and wet my hair so it was flat to my face, cleared my throat and burst into the room and let out the loudest, gayest high pitch scream I could do. My sister was Sat there with one of her friends who looked at me like I was the most disgusting human in the world. Now I should have ran upstairs and locked myself in my room but instead I went back into the kitchen and that's where I stayed for the next 4 hours. I cleaned the entire kitchen, mopped the floor, done the dishes, made my mum a cup of tea for when she got home. These were the days of no mobile phones so I had fuck all to do but tidy. My sister never mentioned it but I knew what I'd done. I'm actually friends with tanya on Facebook and we speak now and then but it's never been mentioned.
i was waving to a friend trying to get his attention he was unfazed , instead of putting my hand down i started communicating through hand signs and was moving my lips inaudibly pretending to talk to someone behind him, there was a wall behind him lol.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
maybe a year after high school, I saw two "buddies" I graduated with at our town's gas station.
I was getting a newspaper for my dad, they were both chatting up a storm (one of them worked at the gas station). we made eye contact for a few seconds, I looked away and held the newspaper up and to cover my face.
I was high and didn't feel like "catching up" but I couldn't stop laughing because of how stupid I was.
At work this week, somebody had turned out a real pile of manure that was leaking its stench out into the hallway. I had to pee so I tried to get in an out quick, save for people thinking I was the source of the foul stink. Now, I can't pee at urinals. I hate it. Has to be the cubicle every time.
I go into a cubicle, unfortunately it's the same cubicle some beefer has just blown his brown load into, so I'm already having trouble with the smell and breathing etc. I pee quickly, but as I zip up, I hear someone enter.
For the next 5 minutes a steady stream of lunchers are in and out consecutively. I hear audible grunts of "Eugh" at the stench that I'm breathing in heavily. I can't stand to go out of the cubicle and be branded the foul beast, so I huddle into the corner of the cubicle awkwardly contorted in a painful position, S I'm tall and worry about somebody seeing my shadow or head and knowing I'm hiding.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my best friend. Middle school, feeling ill but mom makes him go anyway. Vomit sorta feels come up right as they're pulling into the drop off zone. Mom rolls down the window and tells him to vomit out it. Looks out, sees school bus full of kids in plain view, turns back and decides to vomit all over the dashboard instead.
buffy120 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a houseboat trip at a lake with my family and some friends, and it was extremely hot. We were all sunburnt to various degrees, but my sister's friend and I probably had it the worst so we were putting aloe on. After I finished putting mine on, she asked me if I could put some on her back, and of course, I said yes. We had both aloe bottles that you could squeeze and that had dispensers at the top. For some reason, I thought this particular one was a squeeze container while it was actually a dispenser. I squeezed that damn bottle as hard as I could but, of course, nothing came out. That's not even the worst part though. She asked for the bottle and then she started putting it on her own back, while I was right there. She put the aloe on herself! Remembering this makes me feel so dissapointed in myself then. This was partially due to dehydration and a long day, but it still felt bad.
I was so shy and scared of my teacher in elementary therefore, everyday at the end of the day I would piss myself instead of raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom because I was afraid she was say no.
I was at a small concert, in the front row. At some point the lead singer points his beer to me. Thinking he offered a beer, i took it. He told the audience that he was hoping put our glasses together. I gave it back. I moved further back in the crowd.
When I was about 7, one of my teeth fell out around the time that school ended, at 3:30. For some reason, on this particular day I was being collected from school by my pastor's wife, who was taking care of me until mum came to pick me up at 5. I didn't really know this woman and I was feeling pretty anxious about telling her that my tooth had fallen out...
So, like a boss, I carried that tooth in my cheek until mum came to pick me up, and on the way home my tooth "fell out" and mum could take care of the situation
I could write a damn book on all the awkward and questionable decisions I made back in high school. I was meeting with one of my advisors for Moot Court when I reached in my bag and realized that a pen busted.
We were meeting in an actual courthouse and I didn't know where the bathroom was. Rather than just ask where it was, I attempted to wipe off my hands with pieces of paper in my bag. He eventually noticed what I was doing and asked if I wanted to wash my hands in the bathroom.
Not only was I able to get some of the ink off, I also got to check out my sick new paper cuts.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:18:12 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During my Freshman year of college, I went into the wrong classroom and realized just before the lecture that I was in the wrong class. It was fluid dynamics which was several years off at the time but I stayed and tried to fit in. Just when I thought I had made it, they started handing out a quiz.
During parties, when no one would come talk to me and I was feeling awkward and left out, I'd pull out my phone and pretend to be helping someone with a project, or having a serious conversation.
... These conversations actually got really in depth. I kinda created a whole person who was in some deep shit and had a continuing story line and all.
I speak in the past tense, which is to say that I still do this, I just used to as well
I recently went and bought something at the gas station and then when I got back in the car realized I forgot something, so instead of going back in and buying what I forgot, I drove across the street to the other gas station so I wouldn't have to look stupid going back up to the register.
When I was 8, I was with my mom at one of her friend's house but she was just dropping off something so I said that I would wait in the car. Instant need to take a pee strikes but I'm too stupid to go in and ask to use the bathroom so instead I thought that I would probably make it until we get home. I didn't. I peed my pants (being 8 that's awkward enough) and I had to go knock on the door, tell them that I peed my pants and then borrow a towel to sit on for the ride home. It was terrible, they laughed at me.
I was sleeping with a friend in a twin bed, and I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. When I came back my friend was rolled over onto his stomach and taking up the whole bed. I didn't want to wake him up so I just went back into the bathroom, walked into one of the carpeted closets and slept on the floor in there. I didn't wanna come out and go into the living room because he might be awake and realize I was just sleeping in the bathroom, so I ended up staying there for an hour or two after he was up until he came and checked on me.
abkid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:23 on November 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forgot to press my floor on the elevator so just travelled with everyone to the very last floor and came back down.
cmsco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:14 on November 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was at my best friends house and his mom gave me a plate of tomato spaghetti( which I didn't like however said I did like). So I took a huge forkful for some reason and couldn't finish it as it was horrible. I said to my friend that I needed the toilet and made my way to the toilet passing him mom whilst I had bits of tomato spaghetti dangling out of my mouth, it was extremely awkward you should have seen the look on her face! I went into the bathroom and emptied my mouth full of pasta into the toilet and tried to flush it. Only problem was it wouldn't flush for some reason, so I called my mom to pick me up and told my friend that I needed to go home asap to take care of my "sick dog". I left his house rapidly leaving unflushed spaghetti in his toilet...
Sorry
AkyRhO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:05 on November 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both happened the same day.
The day my mother died, I was heading downtown to the funeral parlor to make arrangements for the funeral. My grandfather was driving the car and as we arrive nearby, I notice an empty parking spot and point it to my grandfather. Sure I saw the guy standing next to it but I didn't think much of it. As I walked out the car the guy head over me saying "I was keeping that spot for someone", and since I was a little bit of my mind I looked him dead in the eyes and said "you'll get over it, it's not like your dead or something" and walked out. To this day I still feel bad thinking about it.
Later that day, I went shopping with my then girlfriend (now wife) to buy a new suit. I walked through the store and an employee come to me asking if I need some help. I turned my head the other way and just said "I'm not ready for this" while leaving. The poor lady was puzzled and my gf excused me and ran over to find me.
i was a few blocks off opposite the direction of my dentist office (got out the wrong side of the train station) and instead of just turning around I k e p t walking in the wrong direction, worried someone behind me would catch my mistake and laugh
NAE_BAD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:11:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I flew from Berlin to JFK. I remember reading to meet a mate at Penn station, New York City. Well guess what? There's a Penn station in Newark, New Jersey.
I'm not German btw, but when I heard the announcement I just assumed it was some fucking sitcom accent. Like "EY U WALKIN OUTTA DA TRAIN NOW AND ITS NEWARK, NEWYARK, ENJOI!"
I left the station and saw no city recognizable as NYC and nobody would answer my goddamn question where NYC was or where the hell I was.
Nobody wants to get stuck in New Jersey, much less Newark
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:49:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried.
I once went to the wrong class, only I was too embarrassed to admit it was the wrong class. So I stayed for the whole thing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:25:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw my old teacher in the grocery store, did 180 and walked out. Drove to another store to do my shopping.
I also regularly hold on to small pieces of trash (like candy wrappers etc) if I don't see the trash can or it's placed unconveniently. I just put the trash in my pocket and throw it out when I get home.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I delete my reddit account every 4-6 months. There's so many of you with wrong opinions on here and I only have so much time to correct them, eventually it starts to cut into time i need for school/work.
I'm told some people just close the tab. I've tried that, it doesn't work.
So I just... Fucking ate my salty ass pretzel with caramel...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked around the entire building instead of taking a left by my desk because the cute new girl also took a left and we would have taken it at the same time and I'd have to figure out how to awkwardly change my pace so we weren't walking right next to eachother.
SanKazue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to PAX for the first time ever last September. Now I know what you're thinking "like I care so has everyone"
Believe it or not this was super hard for me though. I'm not an outgoing person, I have a teeny friend group, live in my teeny town hours from Seattle, I don't have gamer friends in real life, and very few online. I knew I was going to a massive event alone when I bought the tickets but decided "fuck it I'll challenge myself to go out and try new things anyway!" the results were.. mixed.
i had no idea where anything was, even with the map, I got lost like 5 hundred times. I didn't have a bag because it wasn't until I spent a few hours walking around toting the giant map and booklet thing and purse I realized "oh that's why everyone has one". At no point did I ever once play any if the games, just hung around and watched people I didn't know play them. Besides at the arcade hallway place thing. Only because no one was standing in line to play jungle Jane or Popeye.
I stood in the "walking zone" got told to sit over there, stood up, then got told again that where I was standing this time was also the walking zone. U until this point I'd never heard the term in my life. My towns events are like "pancake breakfast" and " Adele tap dancing" and like a handful of people show up.
At one point I walked into a booth/room full of giant grey pcs with just a few people sitting around playing them, like two to a pc and was like "oh maybe they show people how to play games in here or something" until a guy walked up to me and asked if he could speak to my media supervisor.
It was then that I realized this was a youtuber/twitch steamer booth.
I died a little inside. I think I actually gasped out loud and said "omg I'm so sorry I had no idea I wasn't supposed to be here" and the guy just like, stared at me smiling until I basically speed walked away.
At the end of it I was going to see a presentation about writing in games, but couldn't figure out where the theatres were. I was so embarrassed to ask if they were outside the building or not, instead I called my friends to meet me (they went with me to Seattle but not the convention) and never came back.
and sorry about the first reply i didn't read it and thought it was a reply to something else. awkward.
Thanks :) it was fun seeing the games and i did get to talk to a few people.
I didn't want to be known as the guy that got stuck in the elevator, so when the repairman and RA's showed up I decided to give them a fake name. Worked and I got away with it but man could I have gotten into some shit if they knew
I like how the first response to every comment about a dumb thing someone did (in the "What's the dumbest thing you did?" thread) is saying how dumb it was. Well, no shit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today someone accidentally broke one of my pictures frame. She didn't see it but she somehow knew. She asked if broke and I said no. I didn't want her to feel guilty. I bought a new one later. Cost me 15 euros.
Clogged the toilet first time I visited my ex's parents. Proceeded to mop up the disaster with all of the toilet paper, and then the towels when it ran out. I'm 95% sure they noticed but didn't say anything.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a walk alone in my neighborhood when I finally decided to go back home I crossed the street and turned around and crossed back to walk back home instead of just turning around to walk back. I need help lol.
I said hi to someone and sat there for a minute and then walked off
nahidav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked the wrong direction. Did not want to turn around instead I walked a completely different route that was 3 km longer. I still do this whenever I get lost
5looshie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll remember a good one a few days from now.
Eggs1996 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to my state's Youth and Government convention/summit with all my friends and we ate some firecrackers (marijuana edibles). We were at a big dinner with all the other schools from the state where each school had a circular table. I was uncomfortably high and looked up from my phone to see that all my friends are gone from the table, and I was left with the two teachers and a group of other kids I didn't really want to talk to. So I get up hoping to find my friends. I see my friends (so I think), and they're standing all in a row leaning over the balcony with their backs to me (Ocean's 11 fountain scene style). I thought "this would be a cool picture" so I snap a picture of them on my phone. Next I walk up behind them and begin to say "you guys looked awesome standing there so I took this picture", but the people who turned around were NOT my friends. Not even from the same school. I just turned around and went back to my table. A mortifying experience made worse because I was stoned.
Was walking around the White House in DC. Wanted to get past it but there was a line and for some reason my brain told me I needed to get in line in order to go around the White House. For perspective this was a line of high schoolers and I was a college freshman who is short so I fit right in. Wasn't until some woman was walking through the line and told me I needed to throw my drink away cause it wasn't allowed that I realized this in fact was a line to likely go inside the White House. I quickly walked away from that line and hoped no one followed me or asked questions.
isdlt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago (1983?) I was invited to a girl's house for church. I overslept and arrived quite a bit later. I explained why I was late and as we sat around the living room. Every now and then the mom would say "Well, we should get ready to go". After about an hour...it hit me: I wasn't invited to this church service. I excused my self to the bathroom, calmly moved all the stuff from the window and jumped to my freedom. Ran to my car and got the hell outta there!
I saw a girl I knew from high school (it would be at least 7 years since we've since each other) when I was at work one day. She came up and said "Hey, mezmezmez!" I remembered her, but for some reason didn't say anything, so she said "Haha, don't remember me?" Instead of just saying "haha oh yeah of course, what's up" I said "My name isn't mezmezmez, it's Jess." And just pretended to have no idea who she was. I was new to the job so I didn't have a nametag yet, but I suspect she knew I was lying anyway.
illyay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in class with another person and we ended up in a group project. She would always say my name wrong and I never corrected her. It was completely wrong.
But it felt so weird to correct her this far into us knowing each other because I should've done it earlier. And so for the entire quarter she called me the wrong name. And then I'd run into her around school later and she'd say, "Oh hi EEELAAAAYAY".
Watched in silence as someone put cheese and sour cream on my burrito.
I'm vegan.
xcapten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After my first year at college, a bunch of people from my high school had a little shindig during the summer. I got there before my friends did, so instead of doing the normal thing and catching up with old acquaintances (who invited me), I hid outside behind some cars until my friends arrived.
When trying to find a new classroom on campus, I realized I was going the wrong way. Instead of just turning around, i proceeded to walk until I found a bathroom/study area/somewhere I could pretend I was going, stay there for a few minutes, and leave back the way I came once I knew anyone that had seen me arrive there was gone.
I do this pretty much every semester
Yruama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to fill my car with gas, but when I chose the wrong gas pistol, I put it back to choose the right one. The problem is that when you put it back you have to put your credit card again in the card reader to start the process again. But I didn't know that. So when I took the right gas pistol nothing came out of it. Since someone was waiting in the queue to fill it's car and that I didn't want him to see me struggle, I basically pretended I was filling my car for some time and then drove away, without having filled my car.
When I was young... like maybe 8 yrs old or maybe younger... I had daycare and they always used to give us sliced banana off the peel... I hated banana's and I hid them in my pockets rather than eat them or tell them I didn't want to eat them. I remember my mom asking me why there was squishy banana in my pockets when she did the laundry.
I order online from big box stores pretty frequently and sometimes have the option to have my items shipped to a nearby store for free. I never do this but one time I decided "what the hell?" and save ~$8 in shipping fees by having it shipped to the store instead of my home.
After wandering around this store for what felt like hours (too awkward to ask an associate where Guest Services was) I finally find the desk and discovered the lady working it was someone I went to high school with. We were cordial but by no means friends. Rather than risk small talk I took a hard right to avoid eye contact, browsed the kid's shoe section for a while, and nope'd out of there without my package.
The shame on the drive home and back to the store the next day still haunt me. I only ship to my home now.
Instead of asking for the dipping sauce I requested, since there was line up I just went and ate the sauce I despise.
Njagos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did so many stupid things, but I don't remember right now.
Ask me again when it's 3 AM and I'm trying to sleel.
thenIremember
Ninja Edit 1:
I remember one small thing. I was walking home alone at 2 AM. One guy was behind me, nobody else.
I was a little bit nervous, and instead of just ignoring or watching him I tried to do some small talk.
"Hey how are you doing?"
"Uhm, okay I guess. I fell asleep at the bus stop, missed the bus and now I have to walk home."
"haha that sucks"
Instead of avoiding a weird Situation I forced myself into one. But the dude was pretty chill about it.
once at chipotle, they misheard me and put lettuce in my burrito bowl. i dont like lettuce. having worked in foodservice, i start panicking because i dont want to be That Annoying Customerโข. i also hate wasting food. so, my awkward, panicking ass is freaking out internally, and the guy just decides to start individually picking lettuce out of my bowl. he does this for about thirty seconds, and then the poor guy is like "do you just want a new bowl?" and im like "YES PLEASE"
not...not my brightest moment
Fuck this was a long time ago. I have others but this one always sticks out vividly. I was at my friends house and had a couple of other friends there. His mom made amazing chocolate chip cookies, but I had arrived late and they were already eating some.
There were a ton on the sheet still in the kitchen. Thing was that she had a set limit you could have and she didn't like it when people just took things. So I would have to ask for some. Should be easy right? Nah that's too scary for me, so I wait until she walks away and take a couple of cookies and eat them.
She notices, asks who it was and I had to admit it was me. To make it more awkward she tells me I either need to tell my parents or she can tell them that I stole. I said I'll do it. Lied to her that I did the next day when she asked and somehow believed me.
Sooo awkward and I have had plenty of other weird ones that I can't remember right now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's kind of messed up that she gets mad at you for having cookies when you got there late anyway and everyone else was having them.
Abandoned a dozen eggs at the counter of a gas station (when I realized they were almost $4.00) by saying โIโll be right back I have a quarter in the carโ and leaving.
So many times Iโve missed appointments, missed my bus, been late to work, missed my train, wouldnโt go into a food store or a kfc or whatever so I didnโt eat, all because thereโs guys standing along the way or outside the place Iโm going to who I can see want to talk to me and are either calling me or shouting for me to come over or making comments.
I hate it, I avoid them at all costs. I used to wear a massive jacket with a big furry hood in scorching heat in the middle of the summer when I was going places to avoid them. Didnโt work at all, I almost fainted a few times and people must have thought I was bat shit crazy.
And just to be clear itโs not all guys I donโt have some like phobia lol I just avoid the ones who are trying to talk to me.
At a friends house in my mid teen years for a day party. It was someone's birthday or something...whatever. So, during the party I feel the tummy rumbles and got to make a poopy. The closest bathroom is on the first floor, just a toilet and sink pretty much. I go in and just unload like a chipotle burrito size monster in this thing and of course what happens...it does NOT FLUSH! 4 flushes in and nothing, and by this point I've been in there a while and people are starting to walk by to use the toilet because it's like THE bathroom. I start turning beat ass red and squeak out "justaminute...". Now I had a very simple option at this point, little gross but easy. Just grab toilet paper around your hands and break up the turd, flush and get the fuck out. Knowing that...this is what I did. So I'm panicking and in my mind I have an epiphany: "I'll just wrap the turd up in toilet paper, put it in my pocket, go outside (WHERE EVERYBODY FUCKING IS!), wait until no one is looking and throw that demon into another yard." And my friends, that is the EXACTLY what I did. AT 4 IN THE AFTERNOON! AT A PARTY! IN 80 DEGREE WEATHER! I don't know if anyone saw or noticed, but I remember being very coy and keeping a firm grip on that sucker in my pocket until I could launch that thing. Good god...someone had to have noticed...ugh...
Purposely letting other people go first in an elevator.
People think it's me just being nice and polite, when in reality I just want to ride the elevator alone
To me it's a win-win situation.
Brsijraz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to army craw around my 7th grade science class so that the teacher wouldn't know I was going to my friends tables
Took a dump in a paper bag ... in my room, cause my roommate was in the shower and I didn't feel like asking him to get out. We now have a "code brown" rule in the house.
Something I do often. I'll be at work dustmopping and I'll walk by someone in an aisle and say excuse me. Then I'll go down the next aisle over. And the people I just went by will be there in that next aisle. So I'll just skip that aisle so I don't have to walk by them and say excuse me again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During a two week trip to my friend's house with his grandparents, I didn't want to ask them to wash my clothes so I ended up bringing two weeks worth of clothes with me.
Did not shake the hand, ask for autograph, or ask for a pic with two of my absolute idols when walking right past them on separate occasions (!)... just weirdly said โhiโ... โcause Iโm a weirdo.
When I was in 6th grade my school didnโt care that their was a snowstorm and made us come into school. So, I went onto my school bus to go home and realized I had art club. I ran off the bus, but tripped so everyone noticed I was leaving. So, I run to the art room, nobodies there. No art club that day. I couldnโt walk on the bus and explain myself, too awkward. I hid in the bathrooms until the busses left and thatโs when I started to panic. Because 1. My parents worked late so I couldnโt have them leave work to get me 2. My school was weirdly strict and youโd get in trouble if you stayed after for nothing. 3. Thereโs a huge snowstorm, like blizzard conditions. So I decided to walk home.
I got hypothermia because I was too awkward to go back on the bus.
Had a former coworker tell me this story that I think fits.
He was at a gathering of his girlfriend's family, and she has a large family, so needless to say the place was packed. He grabbed some shrimp from an hors d'oeuvres tray. Anyways, he was stuck on the opposite side of the room from the nearest trash can, and he was way too nervous about having to navigate through the crowd of his girlfriend's family, plus he was getting really anxious about having to hold onto these shrimp tails. So he decides to turn around, hoping nobody would notice, and starts painfully eating the shrimp tails until they were all gone.
One her cousins noticed him doing that, and from now on makes a joke about it at every family gathering.
I was chatting in a bar with a manager from a different department in my job. She brought up the conversation that they would be hiring soon and that I should go for the promotion to work with her. I panicked and thought a few things. 1, play it cool 2, if she's serious she'll say this when we're not having drinks and 3. Be light hearted. So in my panicked state my mind jumped to the only possible reply. FUCK NO! Followed by turning to talk to someone else.
My sophomore year of high school, my older boyfriend, who went to the rival high school, took me to prom there with a bunch of his cool older friends I didn't know. I had a great time that night, no catastrophes, until after the dance, when went to an afterparty-- my first high school party. I was trying so hard to keep the horrible socially awkward demon that lives inside me contained.
Now, for a little backstory, I'm trans, and at the time was still halfway closeted. I never knew who I should go by my birthname with and who I should use my preferred name with. That particular night, I was using a little of both with the people I was meeting.
While I was at a table getting food, a very attractive girl came up to me and said in the most cheerful and normal tone, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I got your name!"
"Oh, I'm-"
I turned to look at her. I had waited a moment too long to answer. Now it would be weird if I said anything at all. I held eye contact in silence for a good 40 fucking seconds as she stared at me with growing concern, before whispering, "I'm sorry" and walking to the other end of the party.
It still haunts me to this day. I'm 20. It'll probably haunt me for the rest of my life.
Entheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Alright?" "Nothing much. You?"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:12:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Happy Birthday" "You too!"
Entheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The classic... "Enjoy the film!" "You too!" To the cashier.
Buy 4 nutrition bars individually for 1.19 each, using a total of 8 1$ bills. All because I didn't want to ask for quarters to do laundry. I don't even remotely like the bars I got.
Got asked in a Job interview, how my friends would describe me, I have no friends and under the pressure could not think how to describe it or what they wanted, so just said, I dont have any friends. The interviewer was visibly stumped and moved on. Did not get the Job :(
Went to the gym for 4 months every single day (no rest days) because I liked a girl that went there, until she spoke to me saying that she sees me here all the time, because I was too awkward to say hi to her the first time I saw her.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm English and live in America so for the last six years basically everything
Care_esq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in like 5th grade, I was outside looking for my younger brother and I thought I saw him some distance away on the playground. So as I got closer I realized it wasnโt him and Iโd been calling his name and yelling out to him to come home as if it were him. Instead there was a small group of kids just staring at me like Iโm an idiot. So instead of just saying โSorry, I thought you were someone else,โ I pretended Iโd been yelling past them at someone and I said, โHe ran away and I didnโt see where he went.โ Then I ran away.
When I was around 10 I went over to my next door neighbors house for a sleepover birthday party. I was the last one to fall asleep and needed to puss real bad before going to bed. The only bathroom was right next to his parents bedroom and I was too scared to go since I thought if I flushed it would wake them up, so I pissed myself. In hindsight I could have just pissed and not flushed, would have been gross but I also wouldn't have pissed myself.
I bought a car two years ago. After a few months the bank stopped sending me bills/statements, and I just continued to send them checks, rather than calling and asking where my statements were (having to call people makes me want to vomit with anxiety). Everything was going fine until I forgot to make my car payment last month. Now this month I get to make two payments! All could have been avoided if I had just called in the first place :(
Elle3786 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked up 5 flights of stairs to a calc class every day for a semester, because elevators induce small talk.
I used go to ping pong when i was little. And one day i was practicing with a girl smaller than me. As we were playing I couldnโt hold it in anymore and peed my shorts. I was so embarrassed i bent my knees a little as if just played with a different stance. After that i went to put on my jeans over my shorts. My coach asked me why the fuck i was wearing jeans. I told him i felt more comfortable that way. Never went back there. I can laugh about it now tho.
I was taking a college music theory class and there was a big test coming up. I had actually done a good bit of studying so I felt fairly confident. I show up to class and grab a copy of the test and sit down. Something feels weird though. I look around and I don't recognize a single person in the room. And then it hits me. I mixed up the time of the class and I'm taking a test for the class ahead of me. I was far too embarrassed to just go to the teacher and say "Whoops I'm early" so I take the test to the best of my ability and hand it in to the teacher who looks at me like I'm a moron and says "Well, I don't expect you'll do very well on this".
Firaga1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In first grade I was coloring next to this girl. I accidentally dropped my colored pencil and it landed on her seat between her legs. I turned bright red and my brow started sweating. I felt so socially paralyzed that I couldn't utter a single word. My strategy instead was to slowly reach between this girls legs to get my pencil back. She just kinda looked at me afterward like "wtf" but I went back to coloring madly, hoping I'd cease existing.
Sanhael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked by my crush's house every day when I was in high school. She lived 3-4 miles away. Plus side: got into shape.
Kaizival ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college. Although this habit is getting better, I started the year by listening for my roommate whenever I wanted to go into our shared room. If I thought I heard a noise, I'd go outside the dorm and look in our window to see if I could see any light from the window. If it was on, I'd just go fuck off for an hour and then come back hoping he was asleep.
Taken an elevator up when I needed to go down, because I hit the wrong button and people were looking at me. So I get in... and every floor has been hit. I'm getting off this elevator with someone. So I wait till the top floor, the guy gets out and looks at me, and I just shake my head and let the door close.
When I am picking up items from the grocery store; I hate when the cashier wants to comment on what I'm buying. It always makes me feel so awkward. Even if they don't say anything I still am urged to come up with an excuse and lie for what I am buying. I always say something like "Ya hopefully I got everything my wife wanted" or "My wife wanted me to get her these chips and drinks" or something.
I would say this even when I wasn't married, because I was way too awkward just to tell the cashier I was buying a bunch of cookies because I wanted them. haha
Was riding the train home and bumped into a mutual friend. As we were riding along, I realized I was at my stop but the doors were already open and it would have required me to run out of the doors and cause a scene. The next stop was 15 minutes away so I just played it off like I lived in that area but my acquaintance did too, so I didn't get off there either. I made up another lie that I was actually going to the next stop to visit a friend, which was another 15 minutes away. I didn't want to get off with that person because I would have had to fake leave the station and then come back. My 20 minute/$6 commute turned into 3 hours/$20 because the next station had severe service delays. Woop!
got the wrong order at a food court, didn't ask for a new order because I didn't want to be a bother ยฏ_(ใ)_/ยฏ.
Brobot10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once had food poisoning while staying at a friends house when I was 12 years old. Didn't want to disturbed the parents by waking them up to tell them I was sick at 1 AM. So I slept on the bathroom floor with the door locked and fan on so no one would hear me getting sick.
Finally got out around 9:30 in the morning and they were all watching tv in the living room and thought I was already gone. They saw how pale I was and called my parents to come get me.
When I was like 6-7 I was sleeping in a tent when I woke up at 5-6 am, because you know, I needed to go to the bathroom. But of course, there was no bathroom. I was so scared about getting out from the tent that I was awake for near 30 minutes until I finally peed in my pants. Lmao
Surely I'm not the only one here to do this. Went out on a first date with a gorgeous girl that I had a massive crush for a long time. Did everything right (kinda?), bought her a rose, opened all the doors, paid all the stuff, made her laugh consistently. All of this was amazing because I was losing my mind with nerves. At the end of the awesome date, I walked her to her front and progressively got more and more nervous. I then thanked her for a good night and gave her a hearty hand shake and booked out of there. I was so embarrassed that was never able to recover from it with her as I just kept sabotaging myself further and further with her. IDIOT!!!
I will go far out of my way when driving to avoid turning left across busy roads because I don't want someone to come up behind me and get frustrated that I'm taking so long. I have a hard time judging distance and whether or not I can make a turn, so I wait for large gaps where I'm sure I can make it.
I was once outside of a friend's house and I really needed to shit. But I thought it would be too weird to just show up to his house for the first time ever and go straight to his bathroom. So I shit in the woods close to his house and wiped my ass with leaves.
Pulled up to the gas station. Paid for my gas, couldn't figure out how the pump worked and ended up only pumping $.01 worth of gas. I ended up driving away with an almost completely empty tank.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lock my self out so I tore the window screen off my room because I didnโt want to ask for the spare key.
Die of organ failure because going to the doctor triggers such an intense social anxiety I canโt even describe it.
rrsn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went up to my professor after class to ask her a question. She asked what my question was. I blanked out temporarily. Instead of going, "oh, I forgot, actually, answer someone else's question first while I try to remember" or something like that, I looked her in the eyes, opened my mouth, and walked out of class. Then I dropped the class to avoid ever seeing her again.
I hate when parents / kids have the same name.
Back before cell phones rememberthat?, you'd have to call your friends' house and ask to speak to them. So I asked to speak to him, but his dad got put on the phone. Instead of correcting the mistake I made awkward small talk for a few minutes. "Hey, just...checkin' up on ya....seein' how you're doin'..."
I have issues with starting a shit in a public bathroom if anyone is already in another stall taking a shit. So one day at work, when I had to take a shit, I went to the bathroom. Someone there. Up to 3rd floor. Someone there. Down to 1st floor, Someone there. Back to 2nd floor, Someone new there. This went on for about 45 minutes until finally I found an empty bathroom. Thankfully my boss never noticed how long I was gone.
First time getting out late from a new job. You need to walk through these doors that will lock after hours. To get in you need a badge, to get out you need to press the button that says "for emergency exit only".
Well it wasn't an emergency so I decided to find a different exit that wasn't locked. I ended up following the exit signs that hang from the ceiling. They all pointed towards a back door that lead me through the back end and through a few corridors. It then took me down some stairs and I ended up in the shipping and receiving docking station that had its gates closed. I went back up but the doors locked behind me and the badge didn't work for this part of the building.
I kept walking and walking until I found an emergency door and at that point, I didn't care much, since I felt I was in an emergency for being stuck in the building and decided to go through it. I ended up a few blocks away from where I parked.
The next day I also came out late and as I headed towards the similar exit. I decided to wait and pretend I was on the phone. I then saw someone leave by pushing the "emergency" exit button.
I could have saved myself trouble and time if I had just went back and asked the security desk for help.
I was looking at my crushes fb posts and I was reading a status. I accidentally liked one of his comments and I got so scared that I deactivated my fb for a few days. (This status was from like 3 of 4 months ago)
Who here has faked a phone call in public to pretend you WEREN'T walking the wrong way, cause this guy has.
KaraWolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like doing about faces "on a dime" when I find myself doing this. Ocassionally I end up doing them 2-3 times in the span of 10 feet because Im an idiot who forgot either what time it is or what day it is. I kind of hope it gives /someone/ a laugh. Even if I feel like an idiot.
It's a bit late but back in high school my dad was driving me to school and about 30 seconds into the journey I realised it was an Inset day (basically you get the day off), instead of bringing it up I decided to wait until I was dropped off at school and took the 1 hour walk back.
slelham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was sitting in a meeting with 15 other people and for some reason I took the cap off my Starbucks and forgot to put it on. I got excited and totally knocked the cup of coffee and it all went on my pants and shirt. I just continued as if nothing happened. They definitely noticed
I was a first year med student shadowing in the ER and my attending offered me some sunflower seeds. I eagerly threw back a huge handful before realizing they weren't shelled. I had no idea how to sort the shells and nuts so I just chewed and chewed until I realized nothing was getting better. I couldn't find a trash can and was too embarrassed to speak, so I gulped down a mouthful of shells. My throat itched for 2 days.
After school, i had a bus pass to drop me off at the library. When we arrived, the driver informed me that the library is closed today and if I wanted to go home instead. Me, not knowing it was closed and caught off gaurd, said "no, my mom's picking me up" which was a lie. She said ok, i got off, and walked to the complete other side of town almost all the way back to school to go to my friends house, while carrying the poster board we were supposed to do a project on in the library. It was an almost 2 hour walk. When I got there, we watched stupid YouTube videos all night and when my mom picked me up, i ended doing the entire project all by myself that night because it was due tomorrow. I tried to get my friends to start it at their house, but they kept avoiding it.
College: took a class I didn't need becaue I felt too awkward to leave the class. Env. Sci. Teacher says :This is not a lab elective, if you need a science lab, this isn't the class you want" I needed a science lab. That wasn't the class I wanted. I stayed for the whole semester anyway.
Not me but my best friend pretended to fish for two hours after losing his reel on the first cast because he didn't want to walk past a load of Portuguese fishermen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 12 or 13 (?) my dad and step-mom started a new church. Step-mom had me go with all the other kids when they made the call for them to go to "children's church".. turns out the age cut off was much younger than my step-mom thought. I was too embarrassed to admit my age to the teacher and have to walk back into the main part of the church with everyone watching me, so I stayed.
We were all outside playing when everyone came out after services were over and several kids from my school got to witness me playing red-rover with all the little kids and therefore knew I had been in children's church the whole time. I still think that was better than the walk of shame I would have had to do if I had admitted to the teacher that I wasn't supposed to be there lol
foxdont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A guy asked for my snapchat and I told him I didnt have a phone while it was in my hand. I still feel bad about it.
My Mom, brother, and I went to a Burger King one day when my brother and I were pre-teens (maybe 7-8). My mother didn't speak English so she made my brother, who's older than me, order for us. He ordered burgers, fries, and drinks all separately rather than order the meals.
Cashier asked him if he wanted to do the meals instead.
Late to the game, but I'm currently in a rush to get home and managed to make it to the bus platform just in time to catch an earlier bus than I thought I would make.
Then I saw a girl I used to know from a dance studio I no longer dance at, panicked, and left the bus platform. Walked around the block a couple of times until I was sure that bus was gone, then came back to the bus station to catch the later bus.
I'm going to be late. I wouldn't have been if I had taken the first bus.
KingWool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Long distance girlfriend was In town and was staying with me for a month, everytime I had to go No. 2 I would go to the gas station at the corner. Usually before she woke up in the morning or when she fell asleep at night.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, when you stand at the urinal and suddenly you can not pee? But you really really had to go just 30s ago?
Well, i just pretend to finish up, then I leave the bathroom and search another one.
I used to stay at my best friends house when I was about 9 and I would have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Whenever I stepped out of his room where his cats roamed they would just stare at me. I was (am) scared shirtless of cats. I took the alternative route and laid back in bed and peed my pants 3 or 4 different times and blamed it on sleep bed wetting.
I was invited to a fund raiser for a soccer club. It was in the next town over, roughly a 20 minute drive away, and I got a ride with someone (which, after this experience, is something I don't do anymore). It was fancy dress, women in elegant gowns and men in tailored suits. It was country-posh.
I really was not feeling sociable at all this day, but I'd paid for my plate and had a funeral suit in the closet so I thought why the fuck not. The food was an unremarkable selection of chicken-this and beet-that. After dinner I went outside to smell some cigarettes because of course I've quit smoking. Idly standing around people chatting while actively trying to get some second-hand smoke was pushing my awkwardness pretty high so I went for a walk around the club. Like, literally around the outside of the building. It was a really clear night and quite relaxing. I didn't want to go back in, but I didn't want to burden my ride with feeling like they had to leave early. I thought about calling a cab, but I was so set on not talking to anyone that even a taxi sounded like too much work. So I just left, and started walking the 20km (12 or so miles) home, in the dark, in my funeral suit.
I'm literally planning to play up a cold and call in sick next month so I don't have to ask for a Friday off within my first three months of my job even though this company is amazing and there's like a 5% chance of it being a problem.
Reason being my last job was terrible and they treated me terrible and I have anxiety from it still that everything I do is wrong. :)
At the dentists office after having my braces adjusted. I sat there in the waiting area for my mom to pick me up. There was a girl waiting for her appointment. I stepped outside to see if mom was there yet. She wasn't, so I sat outside in January for probably half an hour because I was too embarrassed to just go back in and wait.
afterlex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate crappy hot dogs at a shitty convenienceย store. We then headed out of town to a rave.
Arrived to said party, did some drugs.
When to an afterparty, did a little bit more drugs.
When to bathroom to piss, toilet overflooded.
Danced.
Hot dogs wanted to exit. I wanted to party.
Hot dogs won.
Back in college, had to give a presentation in front of a big class. One of the requirements were to dress 'business casual' & at the time, I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Ended up being wayyyyy too professional/fancy, compared to everyone else. So when it was my turn (as if I wasn't already nervous & persperakting) I just kept my wonder coat zipped all the way up on the entire presentation. Was probably dripping sweat by the end of my presentation. At the time I thought it was better to wear a winter coat than to be slightly embarrassed about over dressing...
rieri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tried to bounce my car out of an awkward parking spot with a friend because we didn't want to ask the company owner to move his. We eventually had to do that anyway.
DanLePro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a light about to make a left when I saw an old man crossing the street with a walker. He was going soooo slow that I merged back into the lane and re routed. Was late 10 minutes for work lol
When I was 11, I visited my cousin for his birthday because we were extremely close and didn't see each other much. The first morning there, his step dad came out during breakfast time and asked if I wanted any cereal. I've always been extremely picky and particular with my food, so when I visited people, this was always difficult.
I saw they had Fruit Loops and asked for those, my cousins followed in asking for Fruit Loops, but they only had one bowl's worth. Their step dad gave the bowl to me because I was the guest. Then he poured milk in the bowl.
I don't eat cereal with milk. Instead of giving it to one of my cousins that actually would've ate it, I just swirled my spoon around until everyone left the table and threw the cereal away.
Once during one of my later years at secondary school I walked in to my science lesson and took my usual seat at the front of the class. It was in an awkward position, the sole seat at a table facing sideways rather than forward like all the others. I preferred to sit alone so I was fine with it.
About 2 minutes in to the lesson I looked up and realised that I didn't recognise a single face at any of the other tables. Checked my timetable and found that actually my double period of science was after the morning break, not before.
One time in tenth grade I had to sharpen my pencil. The girl I had a crush on was directly next to it so instead of using the normal sharpener I used the old pencil sharpener that was hidden in the back. The teacher asked "what are you doing?" I said sharpening my pencil to only find out it didn't work... Everyone was staring and laughing fml
Once at Baskin Robins I asked to taste a flavor, but instead of the flavor I asked for the guy put a scoop of a different flavor that had almonds in it. I'm allergic to almonds. But instead of telling him this I ate the ice cream and spit it out onto the floor and said "man that flavor sucks"
Drop out of school, everyone would line up before class started and I would have a mini panic attack when I saw it and end up waiting in the bathroom or just going home... ended up flunking out and never went back
I was walking around a tj Maxx a long time ago, just looking at the seasonal decorations. I start meandering over to the cosmetics area, and take a look at what they had. I noticed that there were those little magnetic bar sticker things that make the machine beep when you leave without paying (or even when you do pay). These things give me extreme anxiety, because they always go off no matter what you do.
Suddenly I remember that I had recently bought a foundation that had one of those stickers on it, and it was in my purse. I started thinking that it would go off when I left, and then the store people would think I was stealing something and my anxiety couldn't bear that thought.
So, I stealthily reach in my purse and remove that sticker from my foundation and start looking for somewhere to put it. Of course there wasn't any trash cans, and I'm not about to litter or anything, so I'm looking around in an anxiety fueled desperation when I finally see a trash can.... Right in between the things that beep when you take the stickers through.
The normal thing to do would be not give a fuck, I'm not stealing shit. Instead, I toss that sticker in the trash and it sets off the beeping to my great horror and I look over at the cashier who's giving me this look like 'i know what you're doing, sneak thief'. I bailed out of there so fast in a tornado of embarrassment and shame and I knew I couldn't go back there ever again.
It's been ten years and I've never gone back.
Tl;Dr: didn't want to look like a thief, made myself look like a thief.
We had driven out to a Mennonite establishment somewhere near Salmon Arm, BC. The owner is quite a talker and really good at selling his products and he talks me into buying a big bag of sausages since he would also throw in a free bottle of honey mustard.
As im paying the cute cashier girl asks me if I would like some fresh smoked beef jerky. I say why not, it sounds great and how expensive could it be?
A little 200 gram bag of jerky was nearly $35, combined with the sausages gave me a total of ###$70!
I was shocked at the total but too awkward to say anything so I bought it all...
The jerky was shit too
Spazznax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably turning in a blank midterm in middle school because my pencil broke on the first question in a silent classroom. The sharpener was on the teacher's desk and you had to walk up in front of the class and basically look him in the eyes while you did it.
Chrenen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked the box office at a improv theatre in LA with a strict no late seating policy. Well after the show started- I realized I hadn't shut the box office window with it's crappy little drape. THEN HE ARRIVED. I hear someone pulling at the doors, then knocking, then pulling some more- then he started yelling. I realized I did not want to deal with this man IN THE LEAST. So right as he turns towards the window I slink down under my desk. Luckily, he only thought he saw something. But that didn't stop him from yelling and banging on our window. For 10 minutes I waited him out before I army crawled behind another desk. Then another 15 minutes. He kept leaving and coming back trying to bait me in exposing my position. After some time he got fed up and left, and about 5 minutes later the show ended. I don't regret any of it.
Seethist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I went into the ladies room by accident and while in the stall, I heard women talking. I stayed in there for about an hour and missed class until I was certain nobody was around.
I'm late to the party here, but this happened when I first went home with my now husband to meet his parents. I went to take a shower and his mom explained to me that they have one of those tankless water heaters and sometimes it shuts off so if that happens, to just yell real loud from the shower so they can turn it back on for me. So thinking that i can surely figure this damn shower out, I go in turn it on, get undressed and check the temp....cold. I turn it all the way up and wait a few minutes, still ice cold. Its now been a little while, and i'm too awkward/embarrassed to be naked and yelling at my boyfriends parents that I just suck it up and take the coldest shower of my life.
When I worked in my parents bakery as an assistant, I was putting away a glass jar of cherries. Only to drop the cold slippery jar half way to the fridge and the baker(my dad) just laughed while I cleaned up the mess. Later that day when the manager( my very impatient mom) was looking for the cherries, rather than admit that I had broken the jar, I helped her look for the jar for a good half-hour before she eventually gave up and assumed someone had taken it home. Later that day after I had left the baker told her that I had broken the jar. She wasn't angry that I broke it she was angry that I have to look for it rather than admit my mistake.
Whotefuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a habit of running away and hide when people I don't want to talk to comes walking towards me. Those people would be ex's or just someone from my past. Anything is better than awkward silence/small talk.
My freshman year of college, I walked into a senior level class. When I realized I was in the wrong class, I didn't want all the upperclassmen to think I was some dorky freshman, so I sat there for a solid ten minutes before the person next to me asked what my senior design project was. I panicked, said overtly loudly "I have to go to the bathroom," stood up and walked out.
When we were kids, one of my friends took a shit and used a towel to wipe since we didnโt have any toilet paper. Then he hid it my brotherโs dresser, which my brother discovered months later.
Just the other week I reversed into a gutter in a parking lot because I thought there was a gap into another row and my mudflap came off. Someone was on their phone nearby outside their car and I awkwardly gave a clumsy wave to them. As I started to drive I saw the mudflap piece on the ground and pretended not to see it and drove off really fast.
Less than a quarter of a metre between the urinals/cubical.
A person was using the leftmost urinal, and someone was in the cubical. Rather than be a normal human being and use the free urinal in the middle of the 3 toilet stations, I washed my hands so that it didn't look like I was in the toilet for no reason.
As I was drying my hands and leaving, the bloke using the left urinal stopped and went to also wash his hands, looking at me in the process.
I went to the toilets in another part of the building, but they were out of order, so I went back to the original toilets.
As I was approaching the original toilets, the bloke using the left urinal had left and started walking in my direct/the way I came.
He gave me the strangest "what the fuck are you doing" look I've ever gotten.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Held my urine in until I passed out in 6th grade, still was under the school of thought that I had to wait for a quiet moment and ask. So anyways, don't have that dress anymore.
I was working the opening shift at a grocery store. My manager was the only other one in the kitchen. He sent me to the deli, so I in my infinite wisdom deduced that the fastest way was squeezing past the rack of food that was next to us. It was a good seven seconds of me trying to finagle past it, I had committed to this endeavor.
He looks at me after the wonderful display and he's like "You...know you could have just walked around the other side of the kitchen...right?". I scurry away.
Sorry Mike, I'm the patron saint of awkwardness at six in the morning. I'm so sorry
pissed myself at my babysitters when I was like 7 and didn't know what to do so I just waited until my mom came to get me, babysitters son had a girl over and she was like what the hell is that smell, I acted like nothing happened.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
construction workers were standing in a circle talking and i had to walk by them to get back to work, i didnt want to so I just walked back and walked around my entire building and went in the door right on the other side of them
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was one meeting friends at a bar, i arrived first and thought I would look cool and independent if i bought a drink and sat on my own waiting. I have a weird smile when i feel awkward and I couldn't wipe this smile off my face, so after five minutes of struggling with a weird smile and making uncomfortable eye contact with other customers it all became too much for me so i left. I went and waited outside another bar and told my friends to meet me there.
iamnas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a house party I had sex with a girl that I had liked for a while. The party was at her house. She went to the bathroom. As I lay in her bed naked, I sharted. Lifting the covers, I saw the little stain that I had left on her sheets. I panicked and realised that I had to cover it up some how. I got a bit of ash from an ashtray and tried to rub that in. It sort of worked but not fully and in my stoned brain it didnโt look believable. So I put on my boots and tried to rub the ash in by walking on it. She walked in on me stood on her bed naked in just my boots
cncguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went into a pet store to find a small terrarium for a project I was working on. They didn't have any but I had been in the store for 15 minutes at that point looking. I didn't want them to think I was stealing so I bought a small can of fish food. I don't own a fish, and three years later the can is still sitting on my shelf.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent an entire holidays in my hotel room because I was too afraid to go outside :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Talking to a girl in the hallway before class. She starts laughing, snorts, and blows a HUGE snot out of her nose and onto my shirt. She looked like she wanted to die, so I did the best I could to make her feel better. I said, "Happens all the time." I guess the normal thing to do would have been to laugh and wipe it off but really? People blow snots on me all the time?
WW-OCD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When shopping if I arrive at the checkout counter even remotely close to the same time as another person, I will pretend I just thought of another item I needed to get and roam around the aisles until they are done checking out.
Not me, but my mom. She told me this when I was worried about being too shy and awkward all the time.
She was watching a drive-in movie with a friend and the friend's parents. About halfway through someone got up for some reason. When they came back and closed the door, my mom's hand slipped and her finger got closed in the door.
She didn't say anything. She sat that way for the rest of the movie because she was too shy to tell anyone what had happened.
NanjoQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this will be buried but this is so relevant to me because I was a dumbass last month. A food place on campus has you order at a kiosk, get a number, get your order, and then pay at the registers. Well I got my number for my chicken tenders and fries and was waiting and using my phone. My number was called, I knew it was my number, except for some reason I didn't immediately go up and get the food. So I just stood there, still on my phone for a while then after I had made peace with not getting my chicken tenders, I went to the regular dining hall.
In my freshman year of high school, my geography teacher was trying to teach us about the American road system, and asked if anyone in the class had a home address that was nothing but numbers and directions. I did, and raised my hand, but apparently he wanted to show how you could locate someones house like this and began drawing a map to my house on the board. For some reason the post 9-11 stranger danger part of my brain decided the exact location of my shitty old house was classified information for a bunch of innocent high schoolers, so when the teacher asked for the second half of my address I told him I didn't know it. Now, this was my first year in this public school system after having gone to private schools previously, so I tried to play it off as we had just moved into the area, and I hadn't been bothered to completely memorize the thing. That wouldn't have been so bad, except my older brother had actually started a year before, and knew the teacher from having taking the same class. The teacher proceeded to call me out on being a high school student who didn't even know his own home address. I can't remember how it ended, either I "found" my address printed on some of my stuff or if I just suddenly "remembered" it, but I do remember that the map to my house ended up getting drawn on the board anyway, and I looked like a giant dumbass.
Outdoor school in 5th grade. When it was lights out, I discovered that my canteen had leaked all over my sleeping bag and bunk mattress. I couldn't even use my towel as a sheet as it was soaked too.
Instead of telling the counselor, I slept on just the hard bunk, shivering all night. Longest. Night. Ever.
I once found a wedding ring, and I knew whose it was, but I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door and tell them I found it.. I rang their doorbell
Left it on the doorstep and ran away
I had temporary roommates for the summer. They called me the wrong name when we met, and I didn't correct them in an amount of time I considered normal. I let them call me the wrong name all summer.
I took a dump at school and right when I was going to flush and leave someone walked in. I sat in the stall waiting for them to go in their stall or leave. Well this chick wound up sobbing at the sink for a good 20 minutes, thinking she was alone. I sat there waiting in my shit smelling stall and missed the test I was supposed to take, dropping my grade by a letter.
reading this thread reminded me of what i did in college, its not bad but it does file under awkward
when i was in college i opened the door to walk into my next class. i should mention, for the campus, this is a big classroom and could hold over 100 students easily. so when i opened the door, i realized that the prior class had gone over their normal time and was still going. the professor and the class jut stopped in their tracks and stared at me. this was at the very front so everyone could see me. a normal person would have closed the door and wait until class ended. what i did was walk into class and walk up about 2 dozen stairs to the very back row as they stared at me. i sat in between two people ive never seen in a class ive never been in and began to unpack like everything was normal
luckily the class only lasted for about 5 more minutes until everyone left but i still cringe thinking about it
I spent the night at my aunt's. Apparently she really likes AC because I was freezing. I couldn't bring myself to ask for a blanket, so I piled all the clothes and towels I could find in the bedroom on top of the bed to try to sleep.
I used to buy a 10 pack of juicy fruit a day before school and would sell or give out enough to cover my pack for the next day, well sometimes I'd play a game to see how many pieces I could chew before the teacher noticed, got 6 packs deep in Spanish class one day was about the size of a giant jawbreaker. Well the teacher eventually noticed and asked me wtf was in my mouth and reflexively for some reason I said paper and we were working with construction paper that day and my happened to be yellow, she tells me to spit it out.
I go to the trash can to comply spit it out, well the trash was pretty empty so it made a loud thunk, and everyone was like wtf. Got the weirdest looks from the people who didn't know it was gum after that.
I laid down on a living room floor for two hours pretending to be asleep because I didnโt want to talk to a family friend who came over my house unannounced
I rolled over one of those parking lot cement blocks...instead of reversing when I hit it I floored it because I wasn't thinking right from the embarrassment.
E72M ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too many things... I am such an awkward person that I do stupid things so often I try not to remember them
Went into Physio for my shoulder. Physiotherapist started working on the wrong one and I didn't want to embarrass her because I thought she was hot. Proceeded to have the wrong shoulder worked on for an hour while also doing the strength excersizes for the wrong shoulder. I felt at that point I had to commit. I didn't go back again.
The worst part is I'm pretty sure at one point we both knew it was the wrong shoulder, but chose to remain quiet.
In fifth grade I was trying to adjust my pants and instead made an idiot out of myself. All of my clothes were ill-fitting and came from walmart, because we were poor and constantly buying things I would "grow into" so they would last longer (some of which are still too big, and I am an adult). So I was constantly pulling up my pants or pulling down the legs when they wrinkled up and got stuck in their own excess fabric. Well I'm standing around in the crowded gym waiting to be sent to my classroom (they never let kids below 9th grade just walk around the school, everyone had to wait in designated lines in the gym) and I had to fix my pants. I figured out that if I kicked/shuffled my leg a certain way, they would fall back into place and I didn't have to pull on them. Now, no one else had to adjust their clothes as much as I did, and so I didn't want to pull on them, and so I decided the kicking/shuffling was better and less noticeable.
Cue me standing there for five minutes straight, shifting my weight between my feet every few seconds, and waving my non-support leg around like a dog with fleas. I got some weird looks, and thought I'd set myself on fire because my face was burning so hard after another kid asked me what I was doing (with that face children use when addressing a crazy person)
I used to work at a high up boutique property development company in the west end of London. On my first day they said it was customary to take new staff out for a "welcome" meal at this swanky restaurant in Barkly Square. We got there and I didn't know what anything was on the menu and there was no description given on the menu (I assume they thought everyone would know what these foods were!) I ordered something which turned out to be fried squid. As a vegetarian this was an absolute nightmare but I was too awkward to admit that I had made a mistake and ate my dead animal I later went home and cried about it, but looking back on it now it's kinda stupid I didn't just say!
One time when i was in a coffee shop in Amsterdam after smoking a lot of weed I stood up to walk out, as I stood my head smashed into a giant candle that was hanging from the wall above my head. Hot wax from the candle spilled out all over my head/hair/hoodie and everyone in the coffee shop turned to see what was happening. I was so shocked and stunned I didnt know how to react, a group of people sitting close by and the vendor behind the till all stood up and approached me to help, the only response I could think was to refuse everyones help and leave as quickly as possible out of embarrasment. I then had to walk miles through Amsterdam City centre back to my hotel with wax all in my hair and on my face.
Nerdy, 1st grade me had a crush on a girl in my class. Instead of trying to talk to her or being her friends or throwing rocks at her or something, I would make sure i was behind her in lunch line and chew her hair when no one was looking... Kill me
Went on a hike yesterday, I didn't want to get past or talk to the people behind me so I started to jog. 2 miles later, I was complete exhausted and drenched in sweat, but they finally went down a different path.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into the bathroom (one urinal and one stall) to pee at the urinal. There was someone pooping so I coughed to announce myself just as I always do so he would wait until I left before coming out like a decent human.
Yet, even though I coughed, he comes out while I'm peeing. Not only that but he doesn't even try to rush by me while my back is turned so that I don't see who was pooping . He goes right to the sink and starts washing his hands. He doesn't give a fuck that I know that he pooped! So crazy.
I had already flushed and was turning right before he first opened the stall and then I just turned back real quick when he opened it to pretend I was still peeing. Meanwhile, a second guy walks in to use the bathroom and waits right behind me while I'm fully zipped up and pretending to pee.
So I turn around and walk off to let him use the urinal and he very makes a sigh sound and flushes (thinking I didn't flush). The fucking Chinese dude is washing his glasses in the sink. There's no way I can just walk out without washing my hands so I have to wash my hands right next to him and then I finally escape. fortunately I didn't have to see the guy who thinks I didn't flush again but it's not a huge school so idk.
Repulsia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't poop for 9 days cos I was staying at my boyfriend's house.
I was in a McDonalds drive thru and I had paid at the first window and was waiting for my food at the second window. I was looking in the glove compartment for something and somehow let my foot off the brake and my car drifted forward into the bushes. Instead of driving back I just left without my food :-/
eqleriq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
talking to people via the internet
Berzuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was around 9 or 10 me and my dad went to a friend of our's house that we used to fish at to watch some RC boat racing and to fish. My dad was also helping her out by doing some work on a building in front of her house. She lived along a lake that was behind her house so that's where i was just chilling. I was alone and really needed to pee but i didn't want to go get my dad because he was so far away and maybe they'd think i'm weird (my 10 year old anxious mind at work) I also didn't want to go ask the lady to use her bathroom because that too was OBVIOUSLY weird. So after i don't know how long i just end up peeing myself. Not a little drizzle, full on pee all over my pants and in my shoe. I didn't know what to do so i just stood there on the dock. I was debating just jumping into the water so it would just seem like i fell because that was clearly easier than just asking to go to the bathroom. Eventually my dad came by and i don't remember how he figured it out or what his reaction was but he just tied my jacket around my waist and walked me out. He didn't say anything about it to the lady as far as i know but we never went back there again.
When I was a kid a friend down the street invited me over to their house over the phone, but when I got there their front door was already open and I wasn't sure if I should just walk in or ring the doorbell and stand there like a dumbass until I was invited in, so instead I turned around, went home, and told my mom it was because I had a stomach ache.
One time at a sleepaway summer camp in the city (pre-college art school), I tried to impress my new friend group and the girl I had a crush on by jumping down a flight of stairs. My stunt was going well until my toes nicked the last step and my whole foot hyperextended wayyyy farther back than a foot should, as if it had done a 180 spinโaccompanied by a loud, audible crunch as it snapped back into place.
It hurt like hell and I definitely should've gotten medical attention immediately, but no, being the self-conscious teenager I was, I played it off cool and said I was fine and pretended I wasn't limping in excruciating pain the whole walk back through the city. The last thing I wanted was to spend the next two weeks at camp as that guywith the cast and crutches because he broke his foot by thinking with his penis.
I didn' tell any counselors for fear that they'd force me to go to the emergency room for an x-ray and appropriate treatment. Ignorance is bliss, right? I guess at the time, I figured that the pain of embarrassment outweighed the pain I physically felt in my ankle, which by now had swelled to the size of a grapefruit, though was closer in color to a plum. It got the point where I couldn't fit my foot in my shoes anymore, at least not without immense pain or cutting off circulation. My solution? Wear flipflops for the rest of camp, and hop around on my good foot if I needed to move faster than a sluggish hobble.
With open-toed shoes, however, everyone else was able to pick up on the swollen, greenish-blue bruising that overtook my ankle as well as the dark purple hue a few of my toes had started to turn, and friends and counselors alike expressed their concerns for my foot's wellbeing. "It feels fine, don't worry about it," I lied to them, though I still accepted the icepacks they offered me.
The duet of clicking and slushing noises my foot made when I tried to move it within its limited range-of-motion was a constant reminder that I was being a total idiot for neglecting it. The instant my parents came to pick me up at the end of camp, I suggested we take a quick pitstop at the nearest x-ray machine. To my surprise, my foot was, in fact, not broken, but severely "contused" (fancy way of saying the bone was bruised). Was it pure luck or did drinking all that milk through adolescence really pay off? One thing's for sure, I make sure to thank mr skeltal every day for good calcium and strong bones.
My freshman roommateโs girlfriend was in a sorority and I got to know them pretty well. The next year one of them is turning 21 so we all go to her house to wish her a happy birthday and drink and what not. Lemme tell you about this girl. Letโs call her Jessica. Jessica is really Fucking tall. Probably around 6โ2โ or 3โ and tonight she was in heels and was at about 6โ5โ. I can get nervous at Party so as Iโm walking to the keg to get beer we cross paths and instead of saying something normal like โhappy birthday!!!!!โ all that I said was โjessica.... youโre so yโall!!!โ And walked away.
This hot but somewhat crazy girl had been wanting to bang for sometime but I always had a girlfriend. Then me and the ex break up, I'm in town, drunkenly dancing away, throw caution to the wind, and go home to my place with said hot but crazy chick especially since it was Iceland and super cold and I was lonely but I didn't wan't her staying all day at my place.
So, I start dropping hints before the crazy sexy time, about how I have to get up early for my morning run and to go train. Sheยดs like yup , uh huh, okay. Which I thought she meant she'd bounce before I had to head out. Nope. 6am roles around, and I start getting cold weather gear on to go out and jog, and sheยดs like "I'm just gonna nap" and Iยดm like fuck, well I have to commit to it now. So I go for a couple of miles run, in the subzero temperatures of freezing Reykjavรญk because I was too much of a pussy to ask her to leave. And yes, she was still there when I got back.
Recently got my very first STD check done at this private online hospital. Said the price was like ยฃ80 and because I had just done stuff with a guy and was going to do it with another I wanted to find out right away wether I had anything or not. The doctor did all the tests, then said its ยฃ200. I was floored at the difference in price and since it was all done I didnt know what to do so I just paid the price and left like its what I meant to do. Ate nothing but beans for the rest of that month...
TL;DR Paid for a ยฃ200 STD check because I didnt want to seem cheap
Tl;Dr I accidentally created some toxic gas because I was too scared to ask to use another bathroom.
I was getting ready for work one morning and I had to pee REALLY REALLY badly. I share a bathroom with 1 other person who was taking a shower at the time and I was too scared to use my other roommates' bathroom since we're pretty strict on having our own stuff/spaces. I couldn't hold it in any longer so I decided to pee in a bucket I had in my room from mopping the night before. Big mistake, I forgot it was bleach and water. After a couple seconds of peeing i felt a warm sensation and looked down and smelled the most toxic gas mixture from the pee and bleach. Had to air out my entire room all day and felt sick all morning. It smelled like someone lit a butthole on fire
Peeโd in the hallway leading to the bathroom in 1st grade because someone else was in there and I was awkward. Had to clean it up while so many kids walked by.
miabelo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done so many awkward things that it all just blends into one, but my boyfriend did this - I was with him when he was trying to sell an amp to a guy who'd been trying it out for about half an hour and then talking my boyfriend's ear off for another half an hour. As we were all leaving the rehearsal studio where we'd met the guy, he was super friendly and asking us what direction we were headed in and maybe we could all walk together and my boyfriend was like 'oh no we're going the complete opposite way, have a good night though'. So off we walked in the opposite direction of home until we could loop back just so he wouldn't have to talk to the guy for 5 more minutes. ๐
Small talk makes me anxious. When random convenience store/gas station workers at places I frequent begin to recognize me and start engaging me in conversation every time I come in, I stop going.
I pulled the Noah's Street Move once... This is from the movie The Notebook. I was after this girl, we were walking in the city and didn't know what to do to keep the conversation going since it was turning backward. I did the same as Noah did... Got myself on to the middle of the street (an avenue), laid there and asked her to join me "because YOLO". Then I noticed a car coming really fast and had to stand up as quick as I could. Thank God, nothing happened to me. She stayed on the sidewalk looking at me like if I was an idiot. I was.
When I was 16 I worked at a fast food place that also had a small grocery inside; Braumโs, for those who know/have them in your state.
So the first time I was allowed to work the grocery area, unbeknownst to me there was a special going on: if the item had a pink sticker on it, it was a dollar off the listed price. No one told or showed me how to configure this in the register...so when people paid with cash and had dollar-off items, I rang them up as normal and then handed them back a dollar for each special item.
This worked well until someone wanted to pay with a credit card and had like ten stickered items. That person was quite glad to receive $10 cash along with their groceries. In my defense, that register had a โcall managerโ button, which I pressed to no response.
This is a little late, but high school freshman me thought he could handle the devils lettuce before school, showed up 10 minutes after the morning bell had rang and decided to go sit on the high chair in the men's bathroom for 2 hours with my feet out of view.
A girl in my class threw an end of elementary school party at the end of fifth grade at her house, and everyone was there. They had those inflatable slide things, bouncy castles, cookies, lemonade, Gatorade, all that good stuff. I really had to take a dump so I asked to use their bathroom inside, and her mom showed me where it was. I clogged their toilet and was so embarrassed that even after like 10 bottles of Gatorade, I didn't want to have to use their bathroom again but I didn't want to leave the party because the entire grade was there. I peed my pants in my mom's van the second I climbed inside.
Normally, my response to "How are you?" is: "Good, you?" or "Good, yourself?"
One day muscle memory fucks up, and in the same tone, I go "You, good?" I walked past that person fast enough that they may not have noticed.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have pretty much dropped out of school and become a hermit due to my anxiety. I just let it win.
In all seriousness, it is exhausting and I always thought it would get better, but it never did. Even so, there are many situations detailed in this thread that I have also been in yet I never made them awkward.
But I guess I'd rather lose the battles with anxiety than I'd lose the war with it. And that's what happened.
conh0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost got trapped inside a store because the dependants were talking to each other and didn't notice I had gotten in. I was a small kid and it was time to close already.
Haven't gotten my braces off after six years of not going to the orthodontist because I feel like it would be too awkward to tell a new orthodontist that I hated my old one.
scylk2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good dental hygiene and the brackets are just glued on. I've heard of people fucking their teeth up by removing them on their own but never of people keeping them on and having their teeth ruined, idk though.
scylk2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but do you still have the wire between the brackets ? Cause the whole purpose of these things is to apply mechanical force to you teeth to move them in the right place, so I would assume if you keep them to long it could keep moving in a wrong way ?
Also I can't understand how you don't want to get rid of them, I mean I was so glad when I was done with this. You could just go to a new orthodontist and said you were too busy or abroad or any vague shit like that, they won't question it
There was a convenience store next to my dorm in college that had the rack of plastic bags sitting within easy reach of both the customer and the cashier. I lived next door to the place for three years and never knew whether or not I was supposed to bag my own stuff and was too scared to ask, so naturally I bought an oversized shoulder bag with a big peace sign on it and made awkward small talk about the environment while stuffing my purchases into my messenger bag to "avoid using plastic bags".
Blinker went out in my vehicle and for the three weeks that I drove without fixing it I would just keep on driving straight a 4 way stops to not be the asshole that turned without signaling. Took me forever to get to some places because of having to back track.
kJer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
approached and went up an escalator backwards to avoid eye contact with my ex
So, to provide context to this story: I was in 8th grade and was in German class. I usually showed up pretty early to the class, to the point where I'd just sit outside of the class waiting for the previous one to get out, and usually I was the first one. And the day this happened was the same.
Now because this was in 8th grade, I was in my full-on awkward phase, and was always tired because school started early, I went to bed late, and all of that plus being a tween is a great combination for failure.
So I showed up at the door, and I'm really fucking tired. Like, "having just ran a marathon and done the hardest workout of your life just after finishing an all-nighter streak" kinda tired. The next class gets out, and it's just me and this girl waiting to go in.
When everybody gets out, the entire classroom is empty, as usual. I walk in and the girl that's there says something to me, about my seat I think. I have no idea what the fuck she asked anymore since I've tried really hard to forget about it, but I responded with a groan. It was like such a normal question, too, and I emit a fucking caveman "ugh" as a response.
Every day I saw her in high school, I would cringe so hard. Like, who the fuck responds with "ugh" like that. But anyways, I took a class with her Senior year and we actually got pretty tight and I asked her if she remembered anything from that day and she was like "what? No way! Did you actually do that? I don't remember it at all!" and I was so relieved.
I stayed over at a friends house once when I was a teenager and couldn't figure out how to turn their fancy shower on the next morning. Being too embarrassed to ask, I just let the water run from the bottom faucet and splashed some water around for a few minutes and skipped the shower. It was worth it to avoid asking.
Freshman year of high school I sat down in the cafeteria for a sort of welcome freshman student meeting and happened to have sat down with my foot directly underneath the metal leg of the chair. Rather than awkwardly lifting up the chair and moving it I just didn't move. This resulted in me stupidly scooting the chair further in and ripping off my pinkie toe nail. It hurt so bad that I finally decided to tell my homeroom teacher and I got carried out of the cafeteria by the dean that was also the football coach.
I got my car stuck on the roof of a parking garage because I was too awkward to go out the entrance because I didn't want someone to think I was trying not to pay for parking.
I felt my cargo box scrape on the clearance sign and figured there was a way to turn around, but the only way I could go without hitting the roof was up. I got to the top floor and the down ramp was shorter than the up ramp. I ended up calling the number on the pay station. The person on the phone told me to drive out the entrance or deflate my tires some if I was only an inch or two short.
splundge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me, a grubby 4th year school boy
sister and her cool friends (two years above me) were sitting at the bus stop
As I walk up introduce myself, my brain says: there's two ways to introduce yourself.
1) Hi. I'm Sarah's brother
2) Hi Sarah is my Sister
Get nervous. Brain goes full ham. Unknowingly blurt out "HI IM SARAHS SISTER"
5 minutes into the conversation one of them says "so wait, you're a girl"
Oh God, I could write a book answering this. For one thing, I broke a pair of sunglasses by absentmindedly mangling them because my dad made me order my own ice cream.
JimboyXL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asking for a beer inside a Chipotle? I always get weird looks when I order a beer at Chipotle...
uldrenek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I started grad school one of my classmates called me by the wrong name (he had the first letter correct at least) when we were passing each other in the hall during the first week of classes and I didn't get a chance to correct him. This happened 2-3 more times in passing and it got to the point that I didn't know how to bring it up. He even introduced me to his wife by the wrong name a social gathering and I didn't have the heart to correct him. About two months into the semester I raised my hand to ask a question and the Prof pointed at me and said something along the lines of "Sorry, can you remind me of your name?" I told the prof my name and asked my question. Said classmate was sitting right next to me.
amanko13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going on the tube and taking a train in the wrong direction because somebody I was acquainted to was in the train, so I went a few stops further than I needed to before I corrected my journey.
Also, sat in the wrong lecture for the whole time cause I didn't want to just walk out... the lecturer even asked at the end "everyone here was supposed to be in this lecture, right?" as everybody was walking out. No one bothered to look up at him or reply after he asked, and he didn't give me eye contact, but he was clearly alluding to my presence.
Edit: Oh I thought of another. I was at the front of history class and had to circle the word that I found during a word search (fuck knows why we were doing a word search in history class). Well, this was an electronic board. So I circled it and then my friend who was sitting at the front whispered an insult at me, so my brain thought it was okay to write "your mum" on the board. While the teacher was watching. And it was an electronic board so I couldn't erase it, so I just tried to cross it out. Got sent out of the class, got detention, and felt retarded.
Im not sure if this counts but my junior year of highschool i didnt want to take any speech classes that i ended up joining a radio station instead. While i didnt want to talk to a group of like 20 people i broadcasted my voice around my town and then some
There was this girl I was seeing and one day I was over at her house when her ex-showed up. I didn't realized it was her ex at first since she just went to get the door and left me in her room, but, after a while I felt like she'd been gone for a long time so I went to go see what was up. I walked around the corner and saw them making out, but, rather than confront them or even just leave like a normal person, I ended up going back into the room. I sat there doing whatever on my phone for like, maybe an hour or two before finally deciding to leave out the back way.
Nothing, just act as you wish, no one is stopping you
ZaMiLoD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rented a top floor room in a random family's house whilst studying.
The bathroom was on the ground floor.
One day the mother and teen daughter had a fight right on the stairs leading down. They were really having a proper go at each other and was at it for way over an hour. I desperately needed a piss but just could not bring myself to squeeze past the shouting women. So I pissed in a fruit bowl, wiped with a t-shirt and didn't sneak out of my room until they were asleep.
I vacuumed our entire business on my first day with the vaccuum standing upright. I couldn't figure out how to get it to go down and I didn't want to ask
I liked this chick so much in junior high. I would talk to her and she'd be really nice to me even if I wasn't super close. One day she goes in for a hug and I like the mad man I am intercept one of her hands and give her a firm handshake. I know she just have been swooning from that. Needless to say after 15 seconds I felt the utter regret as she was way taller than me so I'd be the perfect height.
JaxDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My junior year I went to prom with a sophomore girl who I had a huge crush on. We went with a group of my friends she didn't know. We got to the prom at 8 and stayed till midnight. As soon as we got there she ditched me to go hang out with her friends, and I sat there awkwardly by myself in the corner the entire time wanting to die. It got worse as friends would come up to me and ask if everything was ok during the night. I don't know why I didn't just get up and have fun, I was such an awkward tool who was bummed that his crush left him. I got to slow dance with her once at the end of the night. Afterwards she asked to be dropped off at Carl's Jr where her friends picked her up, and I drove home. I wasted hundreds of dollars of my parents money for the most awkward night of my life.
2 years later I was graduated, and I took the same girl to her senior prom. I managed to dance a lot that prom, but the after party she ditched me again and I sat in the house's dining room and got obliterated drunk off keg beer and drove home. I was so desperate to get laid by her, and I never even got a hug.
So this one time I saw my friend when I was in the College library. I am on the floor above which overlooks the computer area. I start waving like crazy to get his attention because I can't yell down because it's a library. He looks up and stares at me and to my absolute horror, it wasn't him... I ducked down behind the half way, super embarrassed.
Then a few days later. I see my friend again, this time walking up a hill to class in front of me, but because of the mistake I made earlier I didn't dare to get his attention, afraid that it might be the same guy I had waved to like a maniac before. This went on for about 10 minutes until he dropped some papers. I instinctively went to go pick them up and he turned around. I hand him the papers and look him dead in the eye, and just pretended I didn't know him. He's super confused and just keeps walking. I trail behind him for another 10 minutes.
Later that day, we were in the same social group and he asks me if I picked up his papers for him earlier that day. I had to tell him the whole story about why I was such a failure at being a normal human being. He couldn't stop laughing at me for a week.
One time back in high school I was walking home from school when some tough looking kids were walking towards/by me. I was starring at one kid and he said to me "HEY WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" and without thinking I blurted out "your pants".
I was not looking at his pants. Nothing was special about his pants. I have no idea why I said it.
Good news is they were so confused by my response that they I walked by without issue...
SumAHole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger me and my buddy used to smoke pot together. He was good at hiding it, i wasnโt. He can turn it off like a switch and talk and act sober. As for me I would be there with a duhhh face. We were ALWAYS stoned all the time! Well his mom would come in and out the room and bring us sandwiches and stuff. she was always so nice. But I noticed that she spoke to me like I was a toddler. So I ask my friend about it and he replied (bro when you smoke u look so spaced out and the shit you say is so stupid and my mom kept askin me whatโs wrong with you so I literally had to tell my mom your retarded.) Soooo I just went with it. For many years I had to play retarded when I was sober.
The buses where I live have numbers that are hard to see and poor scheduling. So I often end up waving down the wrong bus. I always just end up just getting on that bus then getting off after 1-2 stops so I can catch my correct bus.
im_a_hex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I joined a band for three weeks and decided it wasnโt really for me, I was too awkward to tell them I wanted to leave so I blocked all their numbers and blocked them on all social media
cr0ybot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just dropped my wife off for a haircut and walked into a coffee shop nearby. As I ordered my coffee I realized they were closing in a half hour, so I took the coffee to-go. I have been standing outside against a wall browsing Reddit and sipping at an empty cup for at least 15 minutes now because there is nowhere to sit and I assume that leaning against a wall sipping coffee is less creepy than just leaning against a wall...
Whenever Iโm about to leave a store and I see someone posted up near the door selling or soliciting something Iโll pretend to take a phone call and talk on the phone until Iโm past them just because I donโt want to say โno thanks, Iโm not interested.โ
Trex252 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last night, my keyboard stopped working at home. I have a spare that I don't really like in my closet 10 feet away. Instead, I emailed myself the word "keyboard" from my phone, so I could use my mouse to copy and paste it into Amazon and buy a new one real quick. I'm pretty content not using my keyboard at home for a day or two while I wait.
Before I knew I was slightly autistic I had a long period where for some reason I didn't dare to name the titles of things.
So there were a few years, when I was a teenager and just really getting into movies, where whenever I wanted to watch a movie on the TV I'd oddly communicate to my parents through vague descriptions, gestures and noises what I wanted to see because for some reason it was too awkward to actually name what I wanted to see. That's still of the biggest mysteries of my childhood to me.
KampW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was packing up my dorm room the morning of graduation day. I fell off the step stool and broke my foot. So I IMed my Resident Advisor asking if she could bring me some ice. I then waited 3 hours for my family to get into town instead of asking for help.
As a kid I was super embarrassed to walk past the window on the porch of my friends house when I was going over there. For some reason I didn't want them to see me coming.
I would belly crawl under the window, then get up and knock on the door.
We were camping and it was my first time going to the bathroom in a travel trailers bathroom. If you have ever gone in a travel trailer you will know that to save water, these aren't your normal toilet.
Cue the most massive smelliest log I have ever laid due to some massive camping food stomach troubles, like it was still touching me when it hit the plunger and started to roll up like a snake.
When I was done with my deed I turn to flush, however there is just about zero water to help wash it down. Queue me trying to force it down with toilet paper which just made matters worse.
In my preteen wisdom I decided to cut my losses and leave. I went out and closed the door since it was a cramped trailer but now all my friends that were outside were now inside playing a game on the floor, along with my crush at the time. Unable to vacate the trailer I had to sit and play with them until the unbearable smell crept out and disgusted everyone.
Everyone knew it was me and I was like 10 at the time. Needless to say I never went camping with that family again. To this day I shutter when I think about taking a dump in a camper.
In middle school. I would always walk past this kids house. One day they asked if I wanted to play, I ran away. They chased me trying to get me to come back
Wildvet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ordering food at a restaurant. Saying the wrong order and rolling with it because I'm too awkward to correct myself.
Stand behind someone in a urinal because I didnt want to pee in the free urinal between them
Trex252 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was proper etiquette, damn TIL
oorighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I made a friend at school and she lived about a 30 minute walk away (this was before parents drove you everywhere you wanted to go).
Anyways afraid I would get lost my mother suggested we meet halfway, outside the movie theater.
The girl turned up with her brothers and her big brother was annoyed that I didn't bring money. I didn't tell him I had intended to visit their home for a play date and let him pay for my ticket.
Monday at school her brother came over and loudly made fun of me for inviting his sister to the movies and expecting others to pay for me.
linzfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just the day before yesterday, I was without my car and staying at an airbnb. I needed to go to the grocery store. My 8 year old and i started walking. The airbnb owner coincidentally called me to offer a ride to the store since she knew I didn't have a car. Rather than gratefully accept her offer, I said "no, we'll be ok, it's only a 10 min walk." She told me to call her if I bought a lot of things and changed my mind. I already knew I was buying laundry detergent and a bag of ice plus whatever else.
My little kid and I did the walk home, carrying the groceries in the Orlando heat. Even the kid kept saying "Mom, why didn't we just get a ride from that lady?" I have issues.
When I forget something while I'm walking I cannot turn around in public. I'll like walk into a store I don't know and buy something I don't need so that my actions seem deliberate.
When I was about 10-11 years old we lived in a house with a horse trail behind our yard, and a bike path just beyond. A thin strip of woods separated our yard and the trails, but there were paths through the trees. My brother and I would play in those woods and on those trails.
One day a man on a horse rides by on the trail as my brother and I emerge from the woods and he says,"howdy". For some reason my head immediately thought of cowboys and Indians because of the horse and his cowboy like "howdy". So naturally I wave my hand in a big motion and say "HOW" and nothing else.
I have another where I made a guy fall over on a motorcycle once.
My parents scheduled an appointment for a pest control guy to spray our house without notifying me. He showed up in the driveway and to avoid confrontation of any kind, I snuck out the back door, hopped the fence into the neighbors yard, and just walked away from my house until he was gone
When I was around 7 years old and was playing hide and seek, while hiding under a bed sheet with a girl I had a crush on I kissed her but tried to play it off like I thought she was my sister rather than just telling her I liked her.
twoton12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of just asking a girl out I wrote a cringeโ song.
First night my newly minted GF stayed over. Went out and had Mexican food for dinner. I held in every single fart, the entire night. Extremely high pressure ones. Ended up with a hemorrhoid the next morning. Had no idea that was even possible, but it is.
dbyrne7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We were taking a test freshman year in HS. I was a very shy kid back then so I wouldnโt do something big to disrupt the class. So instead of coughing like a normal person to clear my throat, it felt like something got stuck in my throat and i just started choking. FYI choking is loader and draws more attention to you than a cough.
thudly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 10 or so, I had a crush on this girl from school. I was too shy to say anything to her. Then one night there was this category five Canadian blizzard in our town. I went out and trudged through it in nearly waist-deep snow, just to go stand in front of her house. I didn't knock on the door or peek in any windows or anything. I just stood in front of her house for a while, across the street no less. It just felt nice to be relatively near her, and I knew because there was a blizzard, nobody would notice me standing out there.
Stuff like that was considered weirdly romantic back in the day. I should have held up a boom box or something.
cotsy93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once allowed a rescue helicopter to be called on the side of a mountain because I was too embarrassed to admit I wasn't injured and just afraid to go down the slope by myself after I fell behind my group. It was more than 10 years ago and I still hear about it. Often.
scylk2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:15:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deserved. It could have cost someone else life, just for the sake of your pride
3rdiJedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first started driving, I ordered at a drive thru and was really nervous.
So, I said, "Can I have a medium drink... and can I have a Diet Coke... as that?" lmao. I also used to drop my credit card when handing it through the drive thru window at least 50% of the time for the first few months of driving.
When I had my first retail job at 16, my manager asked me to go to the post office and mail a package. He gave me $10. I had never mailed a package before and was too anxious to just ask either my boss or the post office clerk the procedure, so I went to the stamp machine and got $10 worth of stamps. I covered the box with stamps and jammed the package in a mailbox outside the post office. I was eventually found out and it was embarrassing. Boss laughed it off and was cool about it though.
My time to shine! Back in middle school, I had glasses I only had to wear for class. On this day we were all filing out if class after the teacher for choir practice. On my way out, I realise, shit, I'm still wearing my glasses. And without saying anything, I walk back to my desk to put away my glasses. And as I turn around, my teacher closes the door behind her, trapping me. I was too awkward to shout out that I was still in the class, so I spent the next hour sitting at my desk in silence.
I had pretty bad eyesight in highschool, never went to get glasses or contacts. This wasn't really an issue in everyday life but in low light situations it was super bad.
There were these county wide dances that used to get put on every week, so people from all different highschools would be there. I would think i recognized someone i knew and reach out and tap there shoulder or something of the sort, only to realize they were strangers shortly after committing the act. So i'd slink away all creepily back into the crowd haha
Every time I see Girl Scouts selling cookies in front of any store I get a little panic attack, because I really don't want to be approached and say no to them. So when I am leaving and it is about time to be approached by the little girls, I wait inside the store at the exit for another shopper who's leaving. Then, as they walk out, I fall in beside them on the side the girl scouts are not on so they would be approached by them and not me.
I don't know why I do this, especially since I am usually fairly outgoing.
So many times while walking out of work down this super long hallway, I have diverted to some elevators instead, take them down to the basement, and use a convoluted path underground just to get to the parking garage and go back up a floor. Why? Because I see someone in the hall walking slow as fuck, and I don't want to end up walking directly on their ass or pass them awkwardly, because apparently my normal walking speed is on par with an olympic sprinter.
Sometimes I do stay in the hallway, but the pain of forcing myself to walk at a toddlers pace right behind them is just too much to bear.
bbtvvz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My optometrist introduced herself to me as "the name is Bradley", and since she was kind of androgynous looking I assumed she was trans or maybe just an effeminate cis guy and that was her/his first name. Nice to be on a first name basis when doing business, right? So I gave her my first name and carried on. Only when time came to fill out the order did I realize that she thought we were on a last name basis. I don't know what's more awkward, my name being so weird that it must be a last name, or my assumption of familiarity, or my assumption that she was a guy, or the look we exchanged when she realized I had been misgendering her for the past hour. She took it in stride, but I still cringe looking back at it and I wonder if that was a blow to her self-esteem.
Date my girlfriend for literally almost 3 years now
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a thing for a girl in another city where she was a university student. I'd offer to help with her homework or go cook her and her room mates dinner sometimes. One day I went down to help her prepare for a oresentatiin, and a few minutes after I got there I had to take a huge leak. But with her and her room mates rooms were right against the bathroom and the walls were very thin, and I really didn't want her to hear me pee. Because ykniw, stupid.
So I said I had to get something from my car and went out there, found an empty water bottle and filled the bottle while I sat in my car, then went back inside
I used to like this guy in high school, and he was friends with my best friend and his locker was next to hers. I would stand there and talk to her, while he was standing there and talking to her, but 90% of the time I wouldn't talk directly to him and he wouldn't talk directly to me. It was like she was having separate conversations with each of us about the same topic.
He was probably gay. "Probably gay" was my type back then.
Basically I was not exactly planning on talking to this girl I like and all the sudden my younger sister calls her over and my fucking heart just stops. I'm trying to think of shit to say and by the time she's standing right in front of me and initiates the conversation, I'm looking straight at the ground and I say "uh... yeah". There was like 15 seconds of complete silence afterwards that felt like an eternity. I walked away and wanted to just stop existing.
Vanck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sell swimming pools. Customer bought a pool and it turned green almost immediately upon filling it. I drove to his house to add some chemicals to clean it up. Locked my keys and my phone in my truck. Instead of asking the customer if I could use his phone I broke my window, unlocked the truck, and left.
Damaxan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg yes finally an opportunity to tell this story!
When I was 11 I went to overnight summer camp for the very first time. I was really excited but super anxious to meet everyone and was nervous about making friends. Well, during the "meet and greet" we had to gather in the dining hall to eat lunch with our assigned cabin. I helped myself to a salad with a heavy dose of what I THOUGHT was honey mustard dressing, but when I sat at my cabin's table they all immediately started commenting on how gross and weird it was that I liked mustard on my salad....as in, French's yellow mustard. Looking back I am not sure what I was thinking, it was in one of those yellow squeeze bottles that are pretty much exclusively used for yellow mustard.
Anyway, I was mortified and did not want to admit to all of my future cabin-mates that I accidently put yellow mustard on my salad thinking it was honey mustard dressing, so I just told them that yes, I happened to love yellow mustard on my salad.
The worst part was that I detest yellow mustard with a burning passion. Just the thought of it makes me feel nauseated, even to this day. Still, I forced myself to eat the whole salad to keep up appearances.
Once while still living with my parents, I woke up at 3 pm and realised the noises I heard in the bathroom were from a plumber who had probably been there for hours. Being an awkward introvert, I decided to wait for him to leave rather than getting out of my room, in fear of both having to interact with another human being and them realising I had been there all along, sleeping. Up until the point where I really, really needed to pee, so I dressed, got out from the window - we lived on the first floor - and came in from the front door as if I just came back from school.
Mission success, though my father was really confused.
I rent out a room in my house and im renovating my bathroom. One day I was really high and had to poop but I normally use my works bathroom because I dont like to intrude or ask if I can use theirs so I pooped in this tube thing I had in my room that a piece of mail had come in.
I was going to just throw it out in a random neighbors trashcan but then i realized it had my address on it and i was scared someone would find it so i drove all around town looking for some place to throw the poop filled tube that I had in my car.
That was fucking stressful
Graie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once attempted to steal a chandelier after being asked to leave a party, and I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
No but really, I was so close to getting it ... Like turn the thing sideways and pull close ... A bit too drunk for that clarity tho.
Also not my finest moment, a story I hear more often than I'd like ... And I rarely admit to it being me, no matter how funny they think it is ...
Jovokna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once ordered a full pizza for myself at a restaurant. We were eating with friends and their friends. I did not know the other friends. We sat in a booth. I was on the inside. There was no room on the table for my full pizza. I had to ask the people I do not know to pass me every slice of pizza.
I was at my friends house and my lift home was nearly there. The front and back doors were also locked so I climbed out of the window instead of waking them up.
The worst part was I met his mother at the shop waiting to be picked up and had to explain that I climbed out of the window...
It's 2004, I'm 15, and it's time for my first job. My dad, who we'll call Shawn, was friends with the GM of our local Toyota dealer. He got me, Roderick, a gig for the summer as the lot-boy. I spent that summer driving a 5-speed Toyota T100, towing a trailer with a pressure washer and water tank, spraying down cars on the lot. On a rainy day, I'd help the detailers out however I could.
Great job, I actually went back to that same dealer as a mechanic years later. Left when the money wasn't worth the stress. No hard feelings.
Back to 2004. It's my first ever day of work. I show up 15 minutes early Monday morning, and report to the used car manager, my "big boss." He shakes my hand and says, "Happy to meet you, Shawn! Let's go talk to Pete, he's gonna be your supervisor."
Wait. What? I'm Roderick, not Shawn.... Whatever this is scary as fuck, I'll just say nothing. Obviously just a miscommunication from GM to UCM about the name of the new minimum wage summer hire. No big deal. Not to my dumb ass.
He introduces me to all of my coworkers as Shawn, I ride that out for a day or two, quick on my feet, halfway impressed that I'm pulling this off! I start to tell everyone my nickname is Roderick, they should call me that.
2 weeks go by, and my first paycheck gets cut. To Roderick. UCM hands it to me and says, "I thought your name was Shawn?"
Fuck. I uttered something like, "Shawn's my dad, I'm Roderick. Sorry for the confusion." and scuttled away awkwardly.
Same man sold me a car 10 years later, and we all laughed our asses off over the whole thing.
The other day I went to go buy some stuff and the cashier was really cute. Finished paying for my things and she asked if I needed help with anything else. I said, โyou tooโ and kept walking. I want to kill myself.
I locked myself out of my dorm room. I had already gone to the front desk earlier that day for the same issue, so I was too embarrassed to go down there again. My solution? Camp out on the shitter and play games on my phone until my roommate got back 2 hours later.
When I was in high school, my mum worked at an art gallery in town. She asked me to meet her there when I finished school one day, so I walked down town looking for the art gallery (I was pretty sure I knew where it was). I had no idea there were two art galleries in town, so when I didnโt see my mum when I walked through the doors, I figured she was out back or something so I just casually looked around for a few minutes.
One of the staff eventually approached me and, being too embarrassed to say I was looking for my mum, I told her I was interested in calligraphy (I didnโt have the slightest clue what brought that on). The nice old lady spent 20 minutes showing me all the different pens and papers and asked me if I would like to test them out and all that. Eventually I decided I was at the wrong place and politely said โIโll think about itโ and walked out.
I was too embarrassed to actually dance with or approach my prom date (her friend asked her for me if she wanted to go), so I literally stayed in the bathroom my entire prom waiting to work up the courage to actually go interact with her.
Finally worked up the courage during the last 1/2 of the last song of the night.
It was awkward. I think I barely said 2 words to her the entire night.
There's a local chain restaurant in my area. The one in my town doesn't have a drive through but the one 45 min away does....so I always make the long drive when I want it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 17, a girl asked me for a ride home and invited me over her house to eat after school. She was my friend, and rumors were that her and her friends found me attractive, so I was certain she wanted to hookup.
Problem was that I was a virgin and had only kissed one girl if I recall correctly. So, she goes into her pantry and asks me what I want. I say "I don't care". She stuck her hands in her sweatpants and started playing with the little string thingy that tightens them up, and started toying around with her elastic band awkwardly, so I thought she was horny.
I was too awkward to lean in for a kiss, and after years of watching porn, I thought "why the hell not", and while she was looking in the opposite direction, I pulled down my pants.
She turned around to look at me, and she saw that I had my pants down, and her eyes opened wide, like she was surprised/nervous/anxious at the same time. I looked at her and said "sooooo" while darting my eyes left and right, and then I'm pretty sure I blacked out from embarrassment while she escorted me to my car.
Lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 12 and spent the night at a friend's house. Had a crush on his cousin who lived with him. Went to the restroom, realized he had no TP, rushed to her bathroom, and could not undo my belt.
By the time I did, my shit bombs littered her rug.
Instead of telling her what happened, I threw the rug in the washing machine (poop and all) on heavy duty thinking the God of this virtual universe would cleanse the rug recognizing the desperate pun as a prayer to resolve a shitty situation.
It did not.
But I was home by the time they found out saving me the shame of seeing her disgusted face. Out of sight, out of mind!
Crowzur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleeping naked, didn't want to get dressed and go out past the people in the next room. Decided to pee out my window. I'm on the ground floor.
mancura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once asked a girl if she had a phone instead of asking for her phone number.
I have crippling social anxiety (seriously, my psychologist has admitted it's one of the most intense cases he's dealt with) so I'm full of these. The first one that comes to mind is that I'm too anxious about going into the laundry room of my building because I don't want to run into people, so on laundry day I set my alarm for 2am, get up, start laundry, go back to sleep for an hour, throw it into the dryer, and it's all done before anyone gets up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 15, I was watching tv with my older sister and someone rang the doorbell. I looked outside from the couch and saw an older couple holding flyers. I get up to get the door and make eye contact with the lady, but my sister (who didn't know they saw me) told me to hide because she thought they were jehovahs witnesses. So I sit back down, awkwardly staring at this lady. She stares back at me and eventually sets the flier on our doorstep. They leave and I go look at the flier. It's for a fucking neighborhood block party meant to meet everyone because they were new to the neighborhood. I just about died.
Doing cycling proficiency in primary school, really needed to pee and didn't want to ask where I could go. Stood at the back of the group and casually pissed myself.
RizzleP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once wiped my arse with wall paper because I was too afraid to shout for someone to bring me some paper.
Then there's pissing in a bottle and it over flowing because I didn't want to walk across the living room when one of my flatmate had guests.
I leave work at the exact same time everyday. That way, when I pick up my child from after school care, I don't see one single parent that I know, thus avoiding chit chat and the occasional, "We should have a play date, come over for coffee, etc. "
If I see one of the friendlies in the parking lot, I do a few laps around the neighborhood until they leave. PTA="Parents To Avoid"
I've shoplifted food a few times in the past when I was broke and hungry. I would always keep a couple bucks to buy at least one thing, or had the "oops I left my wallet in the car and forgot to put this back" excuse in my pocket, but I would mostly always end up grabbing a bunch of random items, putting the one or two things I actually wanted in my tiny purse, and then going out of my way to let a cashier know that "these are my items, I have to grab money but I'll be right back" and then walking out. Instead of just taking the beans or lunchable and shoplifting them like a normal piece of shit.
When I was getting my first ear piercings, the girl was drawing dots to represent the placement of the piercings. She had me check in the mirror and I noticed they were uneven. I felt so awkward and instead of telling her, I told her they looked fine. I didn't want her to have to redraw them, God that was stupid.
Just yestarday i took the longest route to my seat, so i disturbed, bumped aside and just annoyed a fuckton of people at the cafetaria JUST to avoid having social contact with my cousin (there's not even bad blood between us!).
I take weird driving routes , this has resulted in me talking multiple, maybe over even a dozen turns deeper into a route that 1 high risk turn area would accomplish, just to avoid a high-risk turn area. People thing I drive weird, but I'm not fucking dead so I'm happy.
fairak17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a one night stand, left my keys in the bedroom after walking out. Rather then call and walker her up I decided to jump from the stairs/landing to the apartments patio and walk in through there. Apartment was on second floor, it was 8am, sorry neighbors.
I was on vacation staying at a motel. There was a girl staying there that i thought looked absolutely gorgeous. We exchanged greetings in passing by in the evening. Then, the next morning when i couldn't sleep at five a.m. the next morning i went for a walk. I saw her standing by herself, admiring the beautiful sunrise over the lake, not another soul in sight. You couldn't get a more romantic setting if you tried. And then dumbass me thought "let's not room the moment for her, let's leave her alone." It's been 2 years, 1 month and 14 days, and I still beat myself up over it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretended to answer the phone and walked away from a party.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went down the escalator to the wrong platform for the subway and instead of walking to the up escalator, I decided to run up the down escalator. I kept falling and hurting myself but ran all the way up them and people were watching. I ended up walking to the next subway station so I wouldn't have to face the witnesses and my shins were bruised and bloody.
Was in band in high school. Had a huge crush on this girl. I decided to get her attention I would fall with the crash cymbals in my hand in front of everyone. I told people after I did it on purpose but they didn't believe me.
A girl from where I work has a second job at a supermarket that I use quite frequently.
She's usually on the self checkout machines. I would prefer to use them but I don't want to risk having to acknoledge her. And oh god, what if there's a mistake and I have to call for assistance? And she judges me for what I'm buying? I guess I'd have to find a new job. Or move out of the city. Fuck it, I'll emigrate.
I've tried using the normal check outs staffed by people, but I still have to walk thrrough her area to leave the store. I can't avoid looking at her every single time.
So now I think I'm avoiding an entire shop during certain times when I think she's working there. I'm a shit person.
nerdworf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate wheat spaghetti with no sauce at a girlfriends house in highschool because i was to awkward to go get sauce. And when they asked if I wanted sauce i was to awkward to say yes. So, just told them thats how i liked it.
My moms friend was tutoring me and she called me by my sisters name for months. I felt too awkward to correct her. The only reason she ever found out I was the โother daughterโ is because she saw my name on one of the papers we were going over.
I went to a dentists appointment they told my mom it would take about half an hour so she dropped me off to go shopping or something. After the appointment I saw that 25 minutes had passed so I went outside to wait for her. I didn't have a phone at the time. After like 10 minutes I felt it would be super weird to just go back into the dentists lobby. I sat in the hot Las Vegas summer desert for like 3 hours with no water just standing next to a corner of the building. Let me iterate that the lobby had a water cooler and air conditioning. After her shift, the receptionist left the building humming and skipping and I scared the shit out of her by just being there looking creepy seemingly like I had waited for her shift to be over or something :/
I liked this guy in my friend group. One night we were at a McDonalds and we're both getting our soda and he glanced at my shoes and said, "Those are some nice boots."
I, a dumbfounded idiot, answered back, "Well...that's a nice face you have. It would be a shame if something happened to it."
He stared at me for a minute. Shook his head. And then he left me standing there with my awkward self to eat my fries.
bulmeurt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This'll be buried but here goes: Was 16, at a party with a bunch of 'cool' people, almost od'ed snorting amphetamine (first time, all did it). Felt really bad and eventually puked white foam down the inside of my sweater because it was too embarrassing to tell that I felt sick. Went pale/blue, someone noticed and called me out on it, everybody laughed of the fun smurf. Sat in the same position for hours trying not to die and finally got a little better as the drugs wore off. Party ended and I could finally get outta there, almost unnoticed...
Being an adult now and a Mom to teens, this scares the shit out of me.
Edit:
TL;DR: Could have died because I was too embarrased to tell anyone how sick the drugs made me.
Iโm totally childless, never want or wanted children.
Iโd gone into the supermarket to do some shopping for my dad, heโd added to the list, 800g of ham (he really liked ham) when I was going through the checkout, an overly chatty check out guy was scanning the ham and commenting on the large amount Iโd purchased, saying โyou must have a big family; how many children do you have?โ (Which is a very weird question) I just blurted out that Iโd got three...children. I think Iโd got three boys and I was always rushed off my feet with the little blighters - this was the silliest conversation Iโd had with someone, I donโt know why I didnโt just say โno, my dad loves ham, Iโm actually baron.โ People donโt like hearing shit like that though.
xo_tx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was visiting a friendโs house for a weekend. While I was there, I got my period. Instead of telling my friend so I could go to the grocery store to get pads (what I used at the time), I just kept taking tampons from under the bathroom sink. I had never used tampons before that weekend.
I have, on 3 separate occasions, paid out of pocket for toner/ink for the store I manage because I couldn't tell the representative no. I have 3 years worth of toner stockpiled in my office.
Megundi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a very shy my whole life. In grade 11 drama class, I finished our little improv exercise (couldn't wait to finish) and instead of walking off to the side, I awkwardly hopped up to sit on a stack of about 20 thin blue gym mats and they all slid out one by one reducing the height of the pile until I was seated on the ground. It's still talked about 18 years later. Still embarassed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasnโt me, but in my class last week a kid opened his soda and it exploded all over him. Instead of going to get paper towels or something he set his sweatshirt over his lap to try and cover up his soaked pants.
ITT: A LOT of people are so socially anxious that it impedes on their life.
If you honestly cannot deal with others, to the point of it affecting you so much you do things differently than normal, then this is the point where you reach out for help.
There are online communities for like-minded individuals, or anonymous chat lines you can call or text.
mudgts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a girlfriends house way out in the country. It was an old farmhouse and had creaky floorboards. I was sleeping in the guest room and her parents were super religious. I really had to take a piss late at night and didnโt want them to think that I was going to the GFs room for a quickie. So I opened up the window and pissed out into the roof below.
Today I walked an extra half mile home, because I didn't want to get on an (admittedly small) bus with someone from work that I'd already said goodbye to three times ... That was just today.
One of my first times working in court. I was too awkward to walk out of the court in front of the judge mid-trial so I took the closest exit. Which led to the cells.
So then I fuckin' booked it out of a series of emergency exits and off into the night. Thankfully I never had to work that particular court again.
Late to the party and on mobile but I'll chime in.
I went to get gas in my car. Pull up to the wrong side of the pump and didn't notice until I was about to key in my credit card. I then immediately sat in the driver seat and browsed Reddit on my phone for five minutes.
Then I drove to a gas station 3 miles away that I've never been to, to get gas.
xieder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few times I got off a crowded train at the wrong stop because I had my earpiece plugged in and couldn't hear the announcement. I pretended it was the right stop and went on the train again after walking a few doors down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this might be somewhat common but I absolutely will not poop with anyone else in the bathroom. I go way too long without pooping.
While visiting Amsterdam for the first time I was outside of the main train station walking while staring at the canals. My friend who was walking behind me yelled my name and I turned to her only to see that she was pointing in front of me. I turned and found I was about one foot from a blind man who was moving toward me. Rather than step aside like a normal person, I froze and screamed bloody murder. The blind man now becoming aware of a person directly in front of him also screamed. He then yelled back โHavenโt you ever seen a blind man before!?!โ I feel bad about this at least once a day.
Okay, I actually just made an account for this but... eh.
So I was in elementary school, and in this certain school, when it was your birthday, you would come up to the office and ask one of the secretaries for a birthday pencil. I know, stupid, but I was so hyped.
I walked into that place with my head held up high, wearing a cute pink dress, and I continued towards the lady who worked in the office. I said, "Can I get a birthday pencil?"
She replied. "Of course. and Happy birthday, dear."
And me being the stupid child I was (and may still be), I said, "You too."
You too. YOU TOO. YOOOOU TOOOO!! I knew damn well that I effed up, and awkwardly waited for her to give me the pencil. I walked away, and accidentally pulled a push door.
Jokes on everyone though, 'cause I got a Barbie dream house later on that day...
Every time I think about this, it stings.
hinakura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm scared of answering the phone and I try to avoid it as much as I can. There was this time I was the only one at my office and the phone was sounding over and over. Maybe it was one of the suppliers we work with, they call us all the time.
But I'm too scared of not listening correctly (I have this problem) and fucking up since I'm prone to stammering. So I went to hide to the bathroom and a co-worker who was there went to answer the phone and I stared at them for a long time. Oh god it was too awkward for me. I hit myself with the door and hid in the bathroom for a long time with my earphones on.
Cereborn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got pulled into a Maid Cafรฉ in Akihabara. And it wasn't one of those cute Maid Cafรฉs that you might remember from watching Steins;Gate. No, it was depressing as shit.
One of the girls pamphleted me on the sidewalk and I feigned interest. But she latched on and wanted to take me there immediately. She seemed so desperate and I wasn't sure how to say no, so I allowed her to lead me three blocks, down a back alley, into a sketchy building and 7 floors up in the most terrifying elevator I have ever seen (every surface of the interior was covered in pink carpet).
I am brought inside, and it's this dingy place with a few rough looking maids and exactly one other customer. I sit down at a table and end up ordering this stupidly expensive "dessert" that was a cheap pancake with a scoop of ice cream and a bunny crudely designed on it with chocolate syrup.
Then she asked me who I wanted my picture taken with, and showed me three headshots that looked nothing like any of the girls actually working in there. I still felt too awkward to leave, so I pointed to one. But then when that girl came over and wanted to bring me onto the stage to take a picture, I realized I could go no further.
I ended up leaving 3,000 yen and just GTFO'd. I walked down a rickety fire escape staircase so I wouldn't have to go in the elevator again.
I live in a flat with strangers and everything was shared frim the toilet to the kitchen. Since it makes me uncomfortable to bump into them while cooking (I hate cooking when there are other people around I'm not fond of), I used the water heater in my room to boil eggs instead of doing it properly in the kitchen.
As a child I hated chicken. I was staying the night at my cousin's house and my aunt served chicken for dinner.
I ended up with a piece of chicken in my mouth that I just didn't want to swallow.
Instead of spitting it out, I kept it in my mouth for the whole night and into the next day until someone asked me what was in my mouth and why I didn't spit it out. I didn't even have an answer
When I was in elementary school YMCA summer camp one of the camp councilors brought us all to a local falafel/gyro stand. I was a bratty kid and really didnโt want to try the falafel cause I didnโt know what it was, but they finally got me to take a bite. It was the best thing I had ever ate! But, because I made such a stink about not wanting it, instead of admitting it was amazing, I acted grossed out and didnโt eat falafel for another probably 13 years. I told my husband this story, and now every time I donโt like a new food he accuses me of โfalafelingโ.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late here but in 6th grade I was socially awkward and I liked a girl so I decided what better way to get her to talk to me than tell her that some guy was bullying me and have her tell him off. Thankfully she actually did and we laughed about it. Sadly being socially awkward and stupid I never pursued any further and nothing came of it. I still cringe at that to this day.
I was at a Halloween party in college and this one absolutely gorgeous model/theatre girl from my dorm was there. She was the shy and quiet type, but pleasant to have small talk with. Some people misinterpreted her reserved personality as her being snooty and stuck-up.
She was there dressed up in a Korean high school uniform (how she got one, I had no fucking clue). And as awkward as it was to see a non-Asian girl dress up "Asian" (She was Lebanese), she looked STUNNING.
Turns out, she was some closet Asia-phile.
Anyways, she immediately walked up to me, started grinding on me, and whispered in my ear, "You would have made all my dreams come true if you came as Tuxedo Mask tonight."
It was obvious she had already had a tequila shot or two and was acting on some deeply buried thoughts, but she began kissing me, tongue and all. I just froze up because I had never had a girl be THAT forward with me in my life, but I proceeded to back away.
It only got worse when she started crying and saying "Do you think I'm ugly or something?" And her friends intervened and began blaming me for her bizarre behavior.
Not knowing how awkward I could be, I proceeded to back away faster until I go out the door. I then began power-walking until I got a block away, at which point I began sprinting until I got to a Kebab joint (si was kind of drunk and I needed some food).
From that moment, I was just too embarrassed to explain myself even when her friends shot me dirty looks every time I walked.
One time in this year in college I passed by this kid who I sort of knew and I said hi to him but he didn't notice so I stopped and said his name a few more times to avoid making it look like I just said hi to nobody and he heard and turned around and asked what. So I responded with "oh I said hi to you earlier and you didn't notice so I repeated your name so it wouldn't look like I just awkwardly said hi to nobody" he just kind of said oh and walked off...
Every time I walk past someone I know but maybe not that well I wait to see if they greet me first to see if they will actually do it if I don't. So if someone does then I know I didn't "pressure" them to do it. But if they don't at all, I get kind of annoyed and start wondering what would have happened if I had said hi immediately. At that point I start convincing myself we both did and thought the exact same thing which led us to mutually ignore each other even though we ended up doing it because we cared to some extent about that other person's reaction to us....
Also if I run into a hot girl I vaguely know, sometimes my subconscious reaction is to nod my head in an exaggerated way which results in mostly confused looks
Back in the day at work, in the breakroom, someone asked if anyone was sitting in the chair next to me. I said Abraham Lincoln. Rather than saying no, go ahead...
I love how there's a lot of pooping insecurities. Here's what I've learned from personal experience, if you know someone based on the smell of their poop it means you're close. Whether or not that's a good thing is up to you.
Sometimes, when I need to type into the computer a customer's name or street address for some insignificant return, and I can't hear them, I'll ask them to repeat it, but I'll only ask once. If I still can't hear them or they decide to mumble it on purpose, I write down whatever it sounded like. Bonus points: I'm foreign, English isn't my first language.
Security checks the returns every evening. I'm pretty sure they get a few good giggles out of it.
I ordered food at a taco bell once and they just never brought out the food, so I sat at the table for an hour and never got my food. So I just got up and left, wasted like $7 but hey at least I wasn't awkward about it !
Not the dumbest, but it happens pretty often. Whenever I walk to school alone, if there's a car waiting when I'm about to cross, I decide not to cross and take a slightly longer route because I'm not good at crossing roads
Got on right bus at wrong city centre stop. So instead of getting off at the next stop and walking 5 mins back into city centre to go stand at the right stop, I spent next three hours on said bus.
Despite my wives increasingly exasperated whatsapp messages telling me to get off and she would drive to pick me up, I sat there too proud to admit to strangers that I was wrong.
But at least I got half way through the Springsteen biography. Apart from the hard seats, it was nice actually to be disconnected from just about everything, apart from the ball and chain.
I was traveling once. I needed to go to the bathroom really badly when I got to the airport (I drank a lot of water beforehand). I didn't want to go into the airport bathroom because those things are horrible and usually filled up with people waiting. I don't appreciate waiting around in a bathroom with a bunch of strangers so I decided to wait until I was on the plane.
Turns out I dislike airplane bathrooms even less since through the entire 13 hour flight I just couldn't bring myself to get up and go to that bathroom, the thought of it overwrote my bladders impulses. Then when I got to my destination and my relatives picked me up. I didn't tell them that I was in horrible amounts of pain from not going for so long, because I was afraid they would rebuke me for making such a stupid decision.
So about an hour later when we arrived at the house i was in agony, trying to walk normally so as to not let on, and suffering from jet lag since I'd been awake that entire time.
Now I don't drink for at least 12 hours before going on flights.
I'm leaving a boba shop and was reading this thread while I waited for my order. So, while I was waiting I grabbed my straws in anticipation of my milk tea. When the girl brought me my order she put a couple of straws into the bag so I just awkwardly set the straws down on the counter, grabbed the bag and left.
I went to Chipotle for lunch and had to use the bathroom, so I quickly went before I ordered food. When I came out of the bathroom one of my coworkers was in line. I didnโt feel like talking to him so I left and drove to another Chipotle to eat.
makoto20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My anxiety really peaked in high school. Instead of eating my bag lunch in the very loud, very crowded cafeteria i would eat in the empty band room. Also in the basement or in a stall in a bathroom.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slowing almost to a stop on the way from the train station to the office in the morning when I realize there are co-workers (not from my group) in front of me and I don't want to encounter the awkwardness of catching up to them without anything to say.
If I happen to accidentally catch up to them in the office building's lobby, I will opt to take the stairs, ascending very slowly to make sure they're already in the office by the time I reach our floor.
Another classic is avoiding the office kitchen when I hear voices from within. Luckily, a bathroom is strategically placed before the kitchen entrance, giving me a way out.
In the single occupancy men's bathroom at my work, I went in there to wipe my ass. This was a pure sweaty ass cleanup job, I didn't go in there with the need to actually use the bathroom.
Anyways, while wiping, I must have struck a nerve that directly connects to my bladder, because I suddenly needed to piss. So I drop my stank tissues in the toilet but then think to myself, pissing in the pot is weird, I'll use the urinal. So I do. But once I'm done pissing I now realize I have used both toilets available and now I must flush both.
But flushing two toilets is weird for one guy in a single occupancy bathroom, and what if someone is outside and hears me flush both? So the genius that I am decides to flush both toilets simultaneously.
Now, I think it should be noted here, that when you flush a toilet at my work, there is a pipe that goes through the warehouse by the ceiling that shakes when that flush is made. I dont know why. Im not sure if its the water line supplying the toilets, or if its a stinkpipe or what. But anyhow, by flushing both toilets at the same time, I made that pipe rock. I made that pipe rock so hard that it started banging the metal rafters. It started banging the metal rafters so hard, it created this horrible clanging sound that everyone in the store could hear.
I washed my hands and exited the bathroom and the employees in the warehouse were just staring at me, staring through my soul. They knew what I did. They don't know why I did it, but they knew what I did. It was weird.
PjsandPi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a little kid, probably around 7, my friend's mom invited me to go to the lake with them. We were having a great time but I got the urge to poop. I didn't know where the bathroom was and was too embarrassed to ask, so I was swimming around and just let the poop happen. Problem is, it keeps bobbing up to the surface. I grab it and go as discreetly as I can to the shallow part and bury the turd in the sand. Looking back, they had to have noticed what I was doing and figured it was best to not say anything. Then a couple of days later, I hear all these bald eagles are dying at that lake and they can't figure out why. I got horrible anxiety for months thinking my shit killed all those eagles.
bbtvvz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this "friend" in high school who was really clingy and awkward and generally unlikable, but I was nice to him because I was good friends with his older sister and he somehow latched on to me. He had this habit of following me to my car after class and talking endlessly, thereby preventing me from going home for like half an hour every damn day.
I tried hanging back in class, hoping he would leave, but he'd just wait in the hallway. So I changed my tactics to running to the girl's bathrooms as quickly as possible, hoping to shake him off. He caught on to my new bladder habits and started waiting in front of the bathrooms instead. This is getting ridiculous, right? So my natural response was to camp out in a stall for 15 minutes or so, waiting for him to leave.
And because that's not awkward enough, one day I snuck out while he had his back turned, went up a flight of stairs, around the building, down two flights of stairs on the other side, and out the back door. Then I ducked behind bushes all the way to my car, scared he would run into me and ask where I'd been.
When I was in 4th grade, I missed my stop on the schoolbus. So naturally, instead of telling the bus driver, I just sat there for their ENTIRE route (which took a very long time). The entire time my anxiety was growing and by the end of it I was the only one on the bus and in tears so I think awkwardly blubbered to the bus driver call my mom and take me back. Remembering this is causing me so much pain.
aly666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took the SATโs a year late out of procrastination and fear & ended up taking the SAT subject test instead of the general SAT test. I took it at a school that Iโve never been to before and couldnโt find the classroom. At that time I was (and still am) extremely shy and awkward. The test was starting as I was looking for the room and was sent to the nearest classroom. I didnโt know that it was the room for the subject test up until the proctor handed us the booklets. I was too shy to speak up & ended up taking the test but didnโt do so great. I ended up having to re-register for the SATโs again three months later when I was 3 months away from graduating.
I used to have crazy social anxiety. At my first internship, I used to work from 10 am to 6 pm. I hesitated going to the loo because I had to cross everyone in office to go. I thought me walking by would grab their attention. It was an open office with no cubicles. Instead I decided to hold it in till I got home. I did this for a month until I mustered up the courage to go one day. After I came out of the loo, one of the coworkers said โthis is the first time I have seen you use the looโ and everyoneโs attention turned towards me and they all agreed in unison.
At work. Grab my cup to get some water. Someone goes to the water cooler while I'm walking to it. I throw my cup into the garbage and walk back to my area. I laughed at myself so hard for that one. this happened a week ago
It was my first placement as a student nurse in a busy hospital ward, super nervous to begin with.
I really needed to use the bathroom but was too shy to let my nurse that I was shadowing know.
So in my panic I decided to use the bathroom in one of the empty bedrooms. But to my horror I couldnโt unlock the door. There was no signal of my phone to let one of colleague know I was locked in and quietly set me free.
So in my panicked state I decided to pull alarm (the red cord used if a patient slipped/fall) which sent out a very loud alarm throughout the ward and caused a stampede of healthcare professionals to come to my rescue.
Let me tell you they were not impressed, not a good first impression....
In class one day I had a hair in my mouth (partially) and made a few casual attempts to find it. I couldn't. I figured I'd made enough casual attempts before it would be weird and I didn't want to go digging around my mouth for it in public, so I sucked the rest of the hair into my mouth like a piece of spaghetti and waited an hour and a half before I could leave and get it outta there.
My family and I were staying in a bed and breakfast, and I had a friend who lived in the area who I was planning to meet up with. I told my family goodbye, and walked down into the lobby. My friend texted me that he was running 15 minutes late, so I sat down in a chair in the lobby to pass some time.
10 minutes later, I hear my brotherโs and Dadโs voices coming down the stairs. Instead of being normal and explaining to them that my friend was running late, I went full awkward mode and did the only logical thing: I hid in a maintenance closet in the lobby until their voices faded away.
First job I had was a temp job that lasted about two months. My boss misheard me when he asked me my name and kept calling me by the wrong name. Rather than correct him I let him call me that for the time I was there.
This one's easy. When I was younger, the UPS man came to the door but I wanted to avoid having to talk to him so I didn't answer. I realized he might be able to see me so I tried to hide so it wouldn't be so obvious and decided to lay under the kitchen table. Our kitchen backs up to the patio and has French doors, and he decided to drop the package off around the back because nobody answered the door. We made eye contact and I've never felt dumber and more awkward than that.
Asked to use the bathroom, locked the door, and wriggled out the second-story window. Slid down a tree trunk like a drunk ninja-fireman (awesome!) and fled into the night.
Girl I met at the plasma donation center invited me to an "after party" at her place. She was...not my type...and when I realized there was nobody else in the apartment, I just hit EJECT.
Snypist1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed to speak to my professor and I was 20 minutes late to his class. Instead of walking in and risk being called out by my professor, I stood outside my classroom until the class ended and then walked in while people were wearing backpacks and shuffling around.
I was in the 8th grade and just started school in a small town and a state I'd never been to before. I wasn't very good at making friends, so I somewhat awkwardly only hung out with a girl I had just about every class with. She was extremely Christian. She wasn't necessarily obnoxious about it, but she always talked about the stuff she did at church. When I asked to hang out after school, she had a church thing going on. I was raised a Unitarian Universalist, so I was pretty open to hearing other people talking about their religion and was very accepting.
Her church was putting on this play, and she was actually going to be in it. She invited a lot of her friends, including me. Since I was new in town, I thought I might as well go and see if I can meet anyone else. My step-dad dropped me off and I went in alone. It was the last night this play was supposed to be showing. She told me how none of her other friends showed up and that I was the only one. That was a little nerve wracking, but I digress. We talked and then she left. I sat and watched the entire play.
It wasn't bad. It was actually pretty good from what I remember. It was a very drawn out play with every scene in a different scenario. In each scene someone or some people died and based on what they did in the previous life they went to heaven or hell. If they went to hell, it was honestly pretty intense. I can see why some people are so dedicated to the religion now.
At the end the girl ran over to me, and this priest(?) starts talking all this stuff about Christianity and saving the soul and all that stuff. The girl is sitting next to me and listening with me. Since I was a Unitarian kid, I tried to be respectful and I closed my eyes and prayed when the guy asked. I wasn't really listening though, and I just heard "yadda yadda yadda stand up." So I stood up.
Turns out that "yadda yadda yadda" was "If you'd like to give yourself to Jesus, stand up." Apparently they were having some sort of indictment into the church right after this play. Very quickly, I realized my mistake. I went to sit back down, but too late. The girl had opened her eyes and realized I was standing. She urged me to go down to the front with the others, but I managed to refuse and stay where I was.
While I waited for my ride, she ran up to me talking about how I needed to read the Bible and she could loan me one and all this other stuff. Was saying no, but she kept digging. Eventually had to tell her I was just trying to be nice and respectful. That one really blew up in my face. I don't think we were really good friends after that anymore.
I'll post this on behalf of my friend. He has a name that's common but ends with a different letter. As an example his name would be Alec instead of Alex. So I've heard him give his name at Starbucks and instead of using his actual name I.e. Alec he gives them the common name I.e. Alex. I confronted him about it and he was like "it's just easier" but that's not your fucking name Jarrett
Sr-suave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you text or call and I don't have your number I will pretend to know who it is until I can figure it out. To this day I have numerous conversations that have gone on for months with still no clue.
Probably not THE dumbest but last week I couldn't figure out how to use 1 gas station so I drove way further away to another gas station with 5 miles left in my tank. Part of it was also to avoid having to go inside and speak to a clerk.
Fell off my roof trying to see the cute new girl next door as they were moving stuff out of their moving truck. She saw me, I panicked, and I feel 10 feet onto soft dirt and grass.
LarsLack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was sitting outside of school waiting for my bus, then a group of people who were all apparently friends started sitting around me, waiting to take the bus. They started talking, forming a circle surrounding me, I stood in the middle of the conversation for a good 30 minutes until one of the girls asked me who I was. By then I had already missed my bus twice but I thought it would be too awkward to ask them to move so...
Sorry for the format, Iโm on mobile. Also not a native speaker.
I have a friend who I am wayyy too close with. One day we were driving along, talking about how boys seem to decide they need to poop and then must be on the loo ASAP where as girls can decide they need to poo and then hold it for a week whilst they decide which Loo is cleanest. As we are discussing this she pipes up with โI bet we(girls) could just poop on command!โ I thought that was rather funny and heartily agreed so she PULLS OVER at the next public toilet we come across. Now I am VERY close with this girl, sheโs one of my best friends, I can tell her ANYTHING. But my social anxiety fired up and next thing you know I sitting on a less than sanitary public toilet pooping with my best friend two stalls over.
Now this particular public toilet had three stalls, when we got there they were all empty and we chose the two on ether end. Remembering that we were, in fact, alone, we were giggling like lunatics and discussing how weird this was etc etc.
Come to a few minutes later and we are washing our hands laughing hysterically and we hear a flush.
Someone had COME IN and was sitting on the loo between us and we HADNโT NOTICED! At this point my social anxiety is like โoh helllll no.โ And I, wet hands dripping everywhere, turn on the spot to look at the poor woman, grin awkwardly, wave, and say โoh hi, sorry, just poopingโ
TL;DR Spontaneously popped with my beat friend, was too awkward to say no, told a little old lady we were pooping to explain our behaviour.
Me and my boyfriend live together and the first time his friend came to stay I was too awkward to pee/poop as they were playing games in the spare room which is right next to the toilet and I didn't want his friend to hear me. So instead I squatted, pissed and shit in a tupperware box, put on the lid and preceeded to dispose of it in the outside wheelie bin. He still doesn't know.
A few years ago I was in the college campus book store, I don't remember exactly who I needed to speak to over the phone or why but when the cashier made the call for me and handed me the phone I put my ear to it instead of just taking the damn phone. Now I'm on the toilet reliving that moment.
I jumped from the main deck of a cruise liner on to the dock.
I was nine or ten at time, and was EXTREMELY shy. What happened was there was a crowd of people on the main deck heading for the ramp to disembark, and I kept getting shoved to the "outside" of the crowd. There was this gap beside the ramp or whatever they call it that led down to the dock, and the crowd kept shoving me toward it. Eventually, I looked over the edge, figured I was going to fall anyways, and just went for it. One of the boat people--an officer I think, because he had epaulets--was already on the dock and I landed RIGHT beside him with the loudest thud you had ever heard. MAN did he chew me out until I stammered something along the lines of, "They were pushing" and pointed up at the boat. He looked up, called over some other guy to stay with me until my mom came down the ramp, and then bolted off to yell at someone else in a white uniform.
I have no idea how I didn't sprain anything, let alone break my ankles. It was a solid storey-and-a-half drop to the dock. Felt like someone took a paddle to my feet though.
Was exploring the roof of my apartment building, which had a nice view, firepits etc. Walk past some people through a room and a door expecting it to come out next to the elevator. Turns out it went to the stairs. Click. Door locks behind me. Rather than knock to get the people in the room to open it, I just walked down 26 flights of stairs.
At work, I have one big and one small computer monitor. One day over lunch I had the genius idea to rearrange my cube (I.e. unplug all monitor cables, move monitors, replug cables). At first everything went smoothly, but then I ran into trouble trying to fit my blue adapter cable back into my main big monitor. I struggled with the cable for around 30min before deciding I should take a break to โcalm downโ.
I have a habit of staring off into space when I get stressed. My boyfriend calls it โChristina.exe has stopped working.โ So of course, thatโs what I did in that moment. I just sat there, staring blankly ahead at the back of both of my computer monitors. (I flipped them around to replug.)
No less than 5min into my stare-down, the VP of my department walks past my cube, stops to get a double take, walks back to me and asks, โShouldnโt those be facing the other way?โ
I was so embarrassed - all I could say in response was, โI do this when Iโm stressed.โ
I was driving back home from the store and I was just about to turn into my driveway when a car was right up my ass waiting for me to turn. I don't usually use my blinker when turning because no one is usually behind me because it's a small street.
Instead of continuing to turn I punched it down the street and keep driving down town. Ended up back at home 10 minutes later.
Stayed the night at my friends house and when I woke up in the morning, he was gone to work. I went to take a shit before I began the walk home, and post-poop, I realised there was no toilet paper. His 2 housemates were home and I could have shouted to them to bring me some, but they're both hot girls so I just wiped my ass with my sock and stuffed it into the bottom of the trashcan
At my high school, during lunch, students could sit and eat lunch in any classroom of their choosing, provided that there was a teacher present. However, during the first three or four weeks, this didn't apply, owing to how the faculty would say shit like "you guys have to earn this special privilege first!" every single year. So all students had to sit in the cafeteria. The cafeteria wasn't big enough to accommodate all students, so lunch was split into three 30 minute periods for each third of the students.
During lunch for the first few weeks of my senior year, I had practically nowhere to sit. My previous class was quite far from the cafeteria, so naturally I missed out on good seats. There were a tiny handful of seats that were open, but I didn't want to eat lunch next to random strangers.
So what did I do? I packed my things, and ate my lunch inside of the bathroom. I won't indulge you with details; for any question you may have about the exact circumstances, you may as well just assume the most awkward answer, and this will be the most accurate description of what happened. It was horrible.
This was a well-off, brand new school building as well. The only reason this had to happen was because apparently we are too retarded to sit in classrooms. (what???)
ShanGos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hairdresser said โwonโt be longโ and I said โwonโt be longโ back to her. Have no idea why!
I had a crush of on a girl in the 1st grade and I was extremely shy and embarrassed about it. I thought Iโd be ridiculed if I told anyone how I felt or what I wanted to do, which was make her a valentines card with colored construction paper. I didnโt know how to get the materials myself without telling my teacher or my mom, and for some reason I was sure Iโd get in trouble for liking this girl. Anyway, I remember paying careful attention to where my teacher put the colored construction paper after a class project. I think I either snuck back into the classroom during lunch or after school and was digging through the file cabinet when the teacher walked in and caught me asking what I was doing. I was doubly embarrassed and ashamed to admit what I was doing and now being caught โbreaking into class to steal paperโ. Actually Now that I think about it , I was probably trying to get some Elmerโs glue, cotton balls, and glitter to make a sick ass valentine card. Maybe I would have gotten away with it if Iโd just stuck to the original plan for just the paper. Anyway I think she kind of laughed but also scolded me for trying to take stuff without asking. I gave up on the valentine card cause it was such an ordeal and Iโve been an awkward dude ever since.
When I was in college, I lived in a one-story duplex with eight units. There were four on one side and four in the other, and the front doors no windows all faced each other. The residents would all gather in the courtyard in between the buildings and chat in the evenings. I used to sit on the floor and army crawl from room to room to avoid being seen and possibly having to come out and talk.
Anxiety definitely leads you to places. If I have to pick between learning a new mode/system of public transport in a new city, or walking five kilometers with my bags, I'll choose the latter scary often.
I was 5 years old and my mom brought me to church with her back in my home town in Romania, I really had to go to shit but i didnโt know where the bathro was, and i couldnโt ask my mother because I shouldnโt disturb her in the Lordโs house (she was very strict about that) so i just stood there, shitting my pants, and when the smell got around and people were wondering where it came from i just ran out and kept running until i reached my grandmaโs house where she washed my clothes while I ate ice cream. I became an atheist to avoid ever having to step inside that church again.
I was doing incline benches at the gym when I became too weak to get the bar up. I didn't want to be judged for not being able to bench 55 lbs so I just sat there with this bar crushing my chest hoping no one else would notice. I could see my boyfriend across the weight area from me talking to someone I didn't know, so to get his attention I kept going psst at various volumes until he could come help me.
I was 17 and was dating two girls at the same period. One case was going better than the other. So it reached a point when i had to make a choice. After a concert with the girl i didn't like as much, i would tell her that it couldn't work. For some reason though, the moment of the reveal, my honest self kicked in so strongly and i had an "honesty is the best policy" moment that i still regret. Instead of coming up with a painless way to end it, I said: "Ummmm.. i'm also dating another girl and i think i prefer to continue with her". She took it calmly at the time but later I found out that she despised me. Well deserved, if you ask me
One time I was in an antique shop, when I suddenly felt the urge to poop. In my hurry to find the restroom, I failed to notice a sign saying "Restroom out of order." While I was on the toilet relieving myself, the owner of the store yelled into the bathroom not to flush it. Having already completed the deed, instead of confessing to the owner my mistake, I picked up my log from the toilet, threw it into the bathroom trash can, and hustled out of the store as quickly as possible. Still haven't been back
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 5th grade i was staying after class with my best friend and he spilled his guts out about a chick in our class. I started making jokes at him while walking backwards. Flipped over a desk and it fell on top of me.
So there i am layng on the ground with a bleeding arm and a desk (the kind with chairs attached, upside down on top of me) As this happens my crush walks in.
I didnt know what to do so i just shouted "man its awesome being able to use the desks however we want when the teachers gone!" While holding back tears. She just looks at him. Looks at me. And walks back outside and doesnt come back til the next day. I ran into her like 6 years later and she had no idea who i was.
Thats when i realized im the main character of my own anime.
I started a new job this week at a large hospital. The first day when I went to leave I went down the wrong stairs and came out on the wrong side of the building. I needed to get to the other side to catch the bus to the parking lot but was too embarrassed to just go back the way I came so I walked like half a mile around the building and a construction zone to the bus stop.
Ponimama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today, while on the phone with tech support, I let my house fill up with smoke instead of asking them to hold on while I opened the damper on the woodstove.
asoep44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was out of town being a tourist in a place with a street car. Coming from a place with no public transportation I had to ride. I stepped on and noticed no matter what I'd have to sit next to someone so I decided I would stand and hold on to one of the poles, because it can't go that fast can it?
It can and with me barely gripping the pole as soon as we rounded a corner I slammed into the wall of the car in front of a ton of strangers.
When I was in the 4th grade I went to see a movie with my best friend and her mom. When we got out, her mom went to the bathroom, but my best friend said she didn't need to go, so for some reason I said I didn't either, even though I had to piss like a tomcat. Afterwards we went to the bookstore, which didn't have a restroom, so I sat in a chair pretending to read, squirming uncomfortably for a half hour until it happened: I pissed my pants.
I untucked my shirt and pulled it down over my butt in an unsuccessful attempt to hide the evidence, but we rode home with the windows down in thirty degree weather and I was never invited out with them again.
Sometimes when I get ahead of myself when talking to someone I'll stutter or just say some gibberish. Some people look at me like I have an illness and others give the "huh?" Face. I don't own up to talking gibberish or stuttering and make them think they're bat shit crazy. Works better if you already know them.
SolsKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I lost track of time and got locked in the zoo once. Thankfully we were both small enough to squeeze through the gate rather than trying to find an employee and getting yelled at.
Drove all the way back home to get a quarter at aldi (for the cart) because I couldn't find the courage to ask someone if they could exchange two dimes and a nickel for one.
When I was like 8, I rode my razor scooter down the really steep hill in my neighborhood. I realized I couldn't press the break because I was barefoot and it would burn my heel, so instead, I just...jumped off. Going like 30+ miles an hour. Just got a little scraped up.
Years later, I would realize I could have just turned down another street to slow down naturally but I was 8 and what the fuck are physics when you're 8?
This one time when I was 10, I went fishing with some cousins and my uncle. While we were out in the lake on a raft/boat thing, I had to pee really bad but refused to just pee over the boat because there were other fishing there on the lake too. It eventually became too much for me to bear so I rushed to the side of the thing and before I could get my wee out, I pissรฉ myself. I cringe everytime I think about it.
Once in Scouts, we were playing man hunt in a woods at night. I found a really good hiding spot near the base we were supposed to get to, and I was waiting for the people hunting us to leave so I could run for it.
As I was waiting, two of the people hunting got bored, sat near me and started chatting.
I thought they wouldn't be too long, so I just stayed hidden, and then it got well beyond the point where it would have been awkward to reveal myself, so i stayed there for ages.
After they left, I went back and fond they had started a new game without me :-/
romhaja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a girl house at the age of 6 or something like that, dad dropped me at the door and I knocked, no one heard and I was too shy to ring the bell so I walked to a big street near and pointed that I need a ride something I just learnt about the other day.
Luckily I got a ride by a nice guy and not a pedo and had a long talk with him and my parents.
When I quit my first proper job between College and University I kept getting dressed and leaving the house at the same time for a week or so until I was brave enough to tell my ma..
Just kinda chilled in town, walked along the beach. Stupid, but I had a history of giving/fucking up at the time and I wasn't ready to deal with that.
I was eating some deep fried shrimp tapas with my girlfriend and their uncles who I just met. I put the shrimp in my mouth and didn't realize the tail was still on it. Though it was too late to fish it out so I just swallowed the entire thing.
Funny thing is there was only 4 shrimp and my girlfriend made a comment to me afterwards about the missing shrimp tail.
During my math exam, my instructor asked me "hey do I need to close the blinds? Is the sun bothering you?".. at the time, I was sitting in a position where it didn't bother me, so I told him it wasn't a problem.
Then, after I got the exam and put my head down while I began to work on it, I realized the sun was shining directly into my eye. I spent the duration of the period turning my head into different unnatural positions to avoid the sun instead of just asking him to close the blinds.
In high school, one day when the bell rang, I was still in the bathroom on the toilet. I was so embarrassed to be late to class and say it was because I was in the bathroom, so I stayed in the bathroom the entire period.
Another time there was a fire drill and when we went to stand outside I didn't see any friends and I didn't want to stand alone so I snuck away and walked all the way home.
bbtvvz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have so many stories!
When I was 19, I was commuting by train. Public transport is good here, so it was very convenient and cheap. But after a few weeks, the constant small talk with classmates was starting to really grind my gears. Like, I didn't give a fuck about these people, and they felt likewise. But once you pop the small talk cherry with your fellow commuters, there is no going back. You have this constant expectation to be having a conversation, and silence is now of the awkward variety.
A normal person might explain that they are just not a morning person, or have a mature talk about how they don't want to chinwag all the time, sneakily sit at the other end of the train, or, as a last resort, pointedly put on headphones.
I bought a car.
Aikistan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a severe aversion to women until I was in my late 20's to the point that I'd cross the street whenever one was approaching me on the sidewalk. One time, I forgot to look and stepped in front of the campus bus. Thankfully the driver was paying attention and stopped.
I was interested in this girl and I wanted to get her number (high school) and I didnโt know what to do since this was 3 months after she rejected me for the first time.
Then one day I was in a group conversation with her (getting out of class cuz it was boring) and she mentioned she was great at biology. I wasnโt really bad at it but I wasnโt great at it, and I wanted her number.
So being a socially awkward person that I am, I said ; โmy science exam is coming up and I could use some help with biologyโ. Those got her attention and she asked โwhat do you hep with?โ. Now most people would say something that would make sense. I how ever, said this; โeverything.โ She replied with โlike what?โ Most people would make something up to get out of this, I said, โeverythingโ.
Then she stopped talking to me, Iโm still embarrassed from asking her out and having awkward conversations. To this day, the interaction Iโve had with her is holding the door for her, which I couldโve done 3 more times to get a good chance of talking to her but I thought, โrun up the stairs, physics class is waiting. She might have her hands full and that could be a good excuse for you to wait for her by the door so you can talk to her, but nahโ
We were trying to park (with friends in high school) when a lady was walking to her car. The guy driving is antisocial and proceeds to roll down the window to ask this lady a question. First thing that comes out of his mouth is "Hey lady" we all died laughing and he got so embarrassed he just kept on driving when the lady turned around to talk to him.
One time I was at a campsite in Tahoe using the bathroom facility. I was washing my hands before I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I went to the paper towels to dry my hands,(which were right next to the door) and a man came it and held the door open politely because he thought i was leaving. I didn't know what to do so I just left, walked around for five minutes, and came back to finish washing and brushing.
I have walked miles and miles because I'm too pussy to turn back when I realise I'm lost. I just march on, often twice as determined as before, looking to make three left or right turns somewhere..
Dated a guy for 6 months starting the summer after high school because he had been into me (he called it love but I feel weird saying that) since freshman year. Everyone said I should give him a chance, so I did and immediately knew it was a mistake. No chemistry. I wasnโt attracted to him. When I broke it off because I just couldnโt deal anymore it pissed his friends off and a couple of mine.
I couldnโt figure out what to do in that situation. I wanted to give it a genuine chance, but I just couldnโt feel that way for him despite how much I cared about him as a friend.
He still tells mutual friends that I was โthe one that got awayโ. He even married (and later divorced) someone with my name. I tried to convince myself it was a coincidence but his best friend told me otherwise.
I had a huge crush on this girl I worked with but we worked in different departments. We would occasionally see each other and chat briefly and she seemed to almost go out of her way to talk to me. Normally you would try toget her number and see each other outside of work but not socially awkward me. Instead I hinted to a few people in her department that I liked her, thinking that they would tell her and that she would then ask me to hang out. Well I'm pretty sure they told her but I dont believe the rest played out as anticipated. I probably would have gotten to see her out of work, had I just used my balls. Sigh. Now it's clearly out of the question and the reason it's clear is too embarrassing to share even on a throwaway. I can talk to strangers all day, even hot girls. But if I actually have a crush on her beyond my dick, forget about it. I'm a kid.
_SnesGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the dumbest but I'm drunk and this happened last week.
The truck stop near my job has a cigar room and they sometimes sell the empty cigar boxes for $3. They make great project boxes. Building a custom blue tooth speaker into one right now actually.
Anyway, instead of asking the cashier who I know, I walked several laps through all the isles looking for 15 minutes then left empty handed.
At my job the doors leading outside are always locked but there is a sensor that detects when someone is close to the door (from the inside) and opens. Well as it happens the sensor doesn't always work properly and you go to push on the door for it to not open. Just two days ago I was walking out to go home for the day and I go to push on the door. It doesn't open and I end up walking into the door. There is a group of people behind me who see this happen. Instead of me just pushing the button that would unlock the door I just laugh and say to those people that I couldn't hit the button because my hands were full! .......There was nothing in my hands.
Was about a month into dating my current girlfriend. Dinner and movie night at her place. Stomach started gurgling. Her bathroom wasn't far from the living room where we were sitting. I knew the pipes were soon to be on borrowed time. Clenched back another 2 hours of farts, fluid, and made quip after quip on behalf of my talking tummy. Finally told her I needed to go buy some Tums. To be honest I wasn't even sure if Tums were useful in this situation. Just needed something to get me away from her poorly placed potty.
It was 11 o'clock at night. The Walmart down the street was the only store open. Parked and beelined for the bathrooms at the back only to find the janitor had roped off the men's room for cleaning. Thought briefly about desecrating one of the women's stalls just so I wouldnt wind up soiling myself among the late night Wallmartians. Wound up pacing awkwardly around the isles and rounding back every few minutes to check the men's room until it was cleared. Rushed in, made a variety of unholy noises. Washed up, bought a bottle of Tums and drove back to finish our movie.
Told her this story a couple years later. Hilarity ensued.
When I was about 10 or so my family and I were staying at my relatives' place in Minneapolis. I was too nervous to take a shit there because there was no lock on the door. Ended up having to go to the hospital because my intestines were clogged or some shit
There was a huge spider in my church's shed and I couldn't get up the nerve to ride the lawnmower out past it. But I worked up my nerve to kick and smash it. Nearly the bravest thing I'd done in my life up till then. But the monster spider jumped my sidekick and i bellowed and ran out of the shed. To my surprise and embarrassment I spotted two old church guys down by the picnic table. I was too scared to go back in the shed and face the spider and I also had to account for my maniacal shout. So using the slight pain in my foot where I'd kicked the wall I hobbled over to the guys and explained that I'd twisted my ankle back there bad and I'd have to cut the church lawn another time.
First time high in public. Went into a gas station with my best friend to pee, I left before he did(am female) so had no idea if heโd come out or not so I decided to wait a second and ended up studying bottles of oil for close to ten minutes. Instead of walking to the door to look in the car or.. as itโs dawning on me now, to text the driver who was still in the car, I stood almost dead still at the oil and antifreeze. Him walking out of the bathroom was an amazing feeling.
Pretty sure I didnโt even touch the bottles, just stared at them. Boy I was at an {11].
Late but oh well. I was staying on a friend's couch after a night of drinking. I wake up at like 6am to a wet couch. Thinking I spilled a beer or something I start looking around for an empty can somewhere. Nothing. Then I realized I drunk pissed on myself. So I took my boxers off, threw them away, put on basketball shorts, flipped the couch cushion and dipped out of there at 630 am not saying a word to anyone because I was too embarrassed. Nobody ever said a word.
I went on a coffee date recently. Now I'm super awkward with ordering from places I've never been to before, so when I got my coffee I couldn't find the table with the cream and sugar. So I sat there for an hour drinking black coffee.
I was shy as a kid and had roller blades on (we played hockey) I was watching my brother's hockey game. I was going to go to the arcade but at the time we were sitting on bleachers and I didn't want to temporarily be sitting next to a girl so I skipped down each step (where you'd be sitting) ON THE BLADES, my neck should have ended up in 17 pieces, this is how I almost killed myself at 11 or 12 years of age.
I was studying abroad and had a month off from school mid-year. I didn't want to explain to my host mom why I didn't have class and why I wasn't travelling, so I left the apartment everyday for a few hours. One day I didn't want to leave the apartment so I HID UNDER THE BED until she left to run errands. She even came in my room at one point to tidy up! She made the bed! How was I going to explain myself if she found me?? But thankfully she didn't and I had the place to myself for the rest of the day!
slyboner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a friend's house when I was 13 or so and we were eating dinner with his family.
His mum had cooked a delicious lasagne and we were all tucking in.
I noticed I had a hair in my mouth and discretely took it out, without anyone noticing (at least I think).
I carried on eating, and realised soon after that there were heaps of eyelashes in my lasagne, but I was too far gone to mention it at this point so I just ate the whole plate of lasagne with the eyelashes.
crcondes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:54 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there were heaps of eyelashes in my lasagne
How the fuck
Did they all just fall off the mom's face en masse while she was cooking?
About my buddy, not me.
He had just gotten his drink after ordering food, and when the lady set his tray of food on the counter, she said, "Thank you!"
Poor bastard immediately grabbed his food and instinctively said, "You're welcome!" I saw him do a quick 180 and make that face that everybody makes of just "What the fuck was that, me?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freshman year of high school I flunked Spanish 1 because I was too scared to do the oral presentations
When I was in kindergarten, another kid accidentally pushed me against the wall and for some reason the was a sharp pin sticking out of the bulletin board there. The pin stabbed my ear, which then started to bleed everywhere. I didn't want the teacher to worry or the other kid to feel bad so I just tried to keep the other side of my face toward her for the rest of the day, while the other side had blood all over it. I don't think it was long before she noticed, which I found even more embarrassing than if I had told her in the first place.
Met a friend of a friend one night while our friend group was on the town. I liked her and was trying to smooth talk her. She asked if I was gay for some reason and instead of being a normal human being and saying no, I said yes. The rest of the night she was asking me questions about how it is being gay and I was improvising about rights and shit like that. She gave me her number that night but ended up trying to hook me up with another one of her gay friends. Oh also my friends thought I came out that night and they thought I was gay for the longest time
While on my internship we had a personal keycard to move through every door. And I mean every door. From the laboratory to the cafeteria i had to pass 5 doors, but they needed no cardswipe on the way there. So after eating my lunch (My lunch started later due to my research and writing down my results) I headed back towards the lab. Before I left I noticed that I was the only person still eating. So walking to the first door I wanted to grab the keycard and then I noticed it was on my labcoat. So instead of pressing the Help button on the door I went to the toilets and did as if I was washing my hands. 10minutes later a guy from management walked into the toilet area, and so I waited for him to finish and wash his hands so that I could follow him towards the lab (only 3 of the 5 doors) then I got stuck again. Which made me kinda panic cause now I only had the coathangers for our normal clothes.
So again instead of calling for help, I went and did as if my shoe got untied and noticed a coworker passing from the front desk (a full area behind me). So i finished 'tying my shoe' and walked withthe coworker back to the lab.
And then everyone was watching at me when I entered and instead of telling I forgot my keycard I told that i started my break 15minutes later.
I didn't want to ruin a concert and by trying so hard not to ruin it, I inherently ruined it.
So, it was my fault we were already 2 hours late to "The Art of Rap" featuring the WuTang, Ice T, all the oldies but goldie's and I felt bad and didn't want my best friend to miss a single second (because this is her dream to listen to the legends live) and we stood in the middle of the crowd, far far far away from any concession stands.
I am very tiny and malnourished in the first place and rarely go outside, so after only 30 minutes I can feel myself get very light headed. My vision starts fading in and out. I think "it's okay, I can still hear though, it's just the heat, just stand completely still and breathe" I should have, but I really didn't want to even say the normal "oh let's grab some water" because that would take atleast 30 minutes to even get out of the crowd then 30 minutes to wait in line, get water and get back in. So here I am, half-seeing shit, fully hearing and that's when my hearing ceases and I only hear high pitched ringing and nothing else. I turn to her finally but before I can even say anything everything goes black and I feel myself hit the gravel below.
So the amberlamps came and I inherently ruined the concert for us by trying not to ruin it in the first place :/
My buddy and I got picked up by his mom from the airport after a trip to Portland. She smokes and asked If I minded if she had one in the car. I hate cigarette smoke so naturally I said I didn't mind. She smoked the whole hour ride back.
When I was younger I got blood noses a lot, I bought a box of tampons and put them up there to stop the flow, my teacher called my mother and told her to have a talk.
msut77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked into an olive garden meant to go to restaurant next door and ate there
baconj22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I'm on an elevator by myself in a tall building and the elevator stops so someone can get on, instead of just going with them in the elevator down to my destination I get out and walk the stairs the rest of the way.
This is extremely awkward of me to do now that I think about it.
I once let my assistant manager call me 'Dick' for 2 years because I thought he repeated my actual name (Nik) during introductions and was too embarrassed to correct him the following day, and every weekday for 2 years and 3 months. Once I finally corrected him, he told me that he knew, and was just fucking with me the whole time. Honestly, I still doubt this... he never struck me as someone who would be /that/ dedicated to a joke.
When I was a teenager I wasn't very into sex or dating. I would tend to get way too overwhelmed with what I thought guys expected of me at that age and I would break up with them after a week or less. They got very upset about it. Granted, none of them proved to want to take it easy and move into that kind of thing slowly.
Anyway, since I was clueless about all of it, when a guy did take me downtown and decided to try and make out with me in an alley in the middle of winter, I let it happen instead of saying no when I was uncomfortable. I also made small moaning sounds as we made out because I thought that was what I was supposed to be doing and he had to stop and ask me wtf. I was super embarrassed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stole condoms so I don't have to check out with them.
I have a horrible sense of direction, I get lost even in my home town. Usually if I walk in the wrong direction I'll pretend to get a phone call, answer it and say something like "ohhh, we're meeting there now? OK, be there soon!". I doubt anyone is even paying attention to me but it helps me feel less stupid.
Google maps always seems to disorientate me at the start so once I get going I usually end up making it to the correct destination.
First time I changed in gym class I took one shirt off from under the other one. I didn't want the other boys to see my fat boy boobs. After a while I got over it.
When I was in college I would skip class if I was ever late, even barely late, like 1 or 2 minutes. I struggled with social anxiety, and the feeling of walking late into a class was often too overbearing. I would literally drive 15 minutes to class, walk up to the door, check my phone to see I was 2 min late, and decide to drive back home.
Sometimes when I'm ringing out a customer they will forget to put an item on the counter to scan. Sometimes I don't have the courage to tell them they forgot it in the cart so then they end up stealing because I was too much of a bitch to say something
Skyboy91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on an elevator and wasnโt paying attention (I was on my phone). I got off at the wrong floor with someone who knew I actually worked 1 floor up. I couldnโt let it be known that I got off at the wrong floor like a dumb dumb, so I continued to walk along this incorrect hallway (which was very long) until I was out of that personโs sight and then I went back to the elevator and went upstairs. I logged into my work station like 5 minutes late that day.
So when i was in 9th grade my teacher had us do an assignment (i literally have no clue what it was about) all i know is i was writing about Micheal Jordan
.... In the beginning i wrote "Michael Jordan wanted to be a baseball player but it didnt work out" (or something like that) because i remember watching some sort of biography saying that really early on he was most interested in playing baseball then eventually he got interested in basketball (forgive me if this is not true im just going off what i saw)
Then like just after i wrote that the teacher came around to check how i was doing so she started reading it ... and she was like "oh honey, he wasnt interested in baseball its Basketball" ... and at that time i was supeerrrrrr mega shy and super socially awkward like anything that i could do to avoid any extra talking id do .. so i played along as dumb and said "ohhh ok" ...
She prob looks back to that day as the dumbest thing a student has ever said.
eljefino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was passing a car that was just driving like a total dub and I had to show him... so I missed my exit, knowing there was another exit a mile further up.
Didn't want to abort my passing maneuver and lamely negotiate a hole in the slow lane.
lfantine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know which hole on my watchband to use so I tightened it as tight as it could go and left it on even through showers until it kind of started to smell and the skin got shiny and pink where the bezel was constantly against my skin. Smelled kind of like when you haven't worn an earring for a long time and squeeze your earlobe and secretly smell it after checking to see if anyone is looking. Waterproof Casio calculator watch, 6th grade. Private school, eleven kids in my grade.
I had a crush on a boy in the 3rd grade, but not knowing how to talk to him I devised a fool-proof plan to woo him.
I decided to give him a gift, but being poor as fuck led me to dig through old toys and eventually I found an old toy ambulance and a squishy ball to put inside for good measure.
The next day in class, without saying a word, I gave the toy to him then focused on my school work. Five minutes later, I looked up to see some confused kid three desks down carefully observing the toy, then he passed it to the next kid, and then so on.
He thought it was show and tell day.
roskov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was new to my job and a coworker was explaining how to look up certain search terms to bring up consultants.
I asked a question about unmatched names and he showed me some alternate ways they can be entered, like if someone gets married or changes their name.
He begins to tell me a story about how frustrating it was for him that one of his consultants had their name legally changed because they are trans.
No one knows it at this current job, but I am trans and so I had to stand there awkwardly while he told me what a huge hassle it was for him because I felt too awkward to tell him.
An extra note is we were two of the three people in the office because it was during Irma so I was sort of stuck with him ranting until he was done. Thankfully itโs never come up again, but I feel I should have spoken up instead of staying quiet.
Ugh, I grew up on 4chan and the internet in general all through my teen years. Did the whole online dating thing forever,so bad. This one girl I met on /r9k/ was artistic, nerdy, a channer and super horny all the time, so we were basically solemates, lol. She lived in Pennsylvania and I'm in Michigan, so road trips and plane rides aplenty.
Turned out she was hardcore bipolar, and after a while it started to get real bad. 38 missed calls in the span of 2 hours kinda shit, but I was going to go visit her in a few days and so I just thought I'd do the manly thing and break up w her in person bc ending an online relationship thru a text was a 'beta' thing to do (actually that whole beta meme started after I had stopped frequenting the place, but whatever. I don't remember what my thought process was at the time).
So I get there, it's awesome, we're having fun but I already know I'm going to end it. I'm there for like, 3 days and we're staying at her dad's house, banging like crazy in the basement. Her two sisters, her brother, her dad and stepmother are there and, the night before my flight the next morning, I sit her down and tell her it's over... I can't do it anymore.
Ugh so dumb.
Starts screaming, crying, tries to strangle herself w a lamp cord nearby (I almost started laughing at that, like cmon girl) and I'm freaking out. Finally calm her down and we end up banging again ("I mean you're still here, so you might as well fuck me one more time").
She turns off my alarm so I don't wake up on time for my flight the next morning, miss it, and then spend the whole rest of the day getting the death glare from her father, we're driving around in rural PA and she has a breakdown, pulls over and tells me to get out, and then I'M freaking out bc I'm several states away from home, in the middle of nowhere.there was no way I was getting out of that car.
Had to buy another flight back home and everything worked out, but damn what was I thinking.
Don't worry, I still haven't learned better and am awkward af. But I haven't talked to girls on 4chan or visited the place in several years, which I think is a plus?
This isn't an acute, one-time awkward thing, but a chronic one. In high school lunch, of course. I wasn't a cool kid, I was a skater with aspirations of popularity. I fancied I was edgy but had some crossover appeal. None of my actual friends shared my lunch period, but there were some trendy kids (our name for them back then) who did. They were mostly girls (I'm not) and one of them was pretty sexy. I only knew them a little bit, not well at all, but since I was at a loss otherwise, I thought I'd eat lunch with them.
Thing was, I really knew them even less than I thought. I was awkward anyway (so much for that crossover appeal), and quickly realized I had next to nothing to say during lunch. I would just sit there mostly quietly, probably trying to laughing along at their stories but contributing nothing, just eating my shitty cafeteria food, a ball of intimidated teenager. But I stayed there and at ate their table for pretty much the entire year. It was a daily, 40-minute-long endurance test of awkward trying-to-fit in, up close and intimate. I'm actually sorry I put them through it.
theoknem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally did a flip when my friend asked me to once. He's like "OH SHIT QUICK DO A FLIP" and i literally tried, no idea why but i ended up on my back and feeling like my skull had spikes pressing out of it.
ruok4a69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was having an interview for a pretty sweet job at a large (Big Ten) university in the upper IT department. Breezed through a few stages and some other guys were brought in and we talked some more. I know I was doing really well when someone shot out a question I really should have had a great answer for.
Normally, Iโm the type that even if I donโt knownexactly what youโre talking about, I have enough related knowledge that I can bullshit a decent answer and satisfy you that either I know the material or can learn it easily. This time I just drew a total blank and, for one of the few times in my life, froze completely.
The only thing I could eventually say after some awkward staring was โsorry, for some reason my mind is drawing a total blank on this. I should know, but I have no ideaโ. Not โsorry Iโm not sure I understand, can you repeat that (while I stall)โ or anything else normal and useful. And thatโs how I didnโt get the job Iโd been working toward for over a decade.
"So richard, what do you like to go by; Rick, Ricky, Rich, (with a joking inflection) Dick"
Me: "It's Cock, actually"
He stared at me blankly for a minute then continued the interview.
I did get the job though...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The number of times I'll walk out of a shop empty handed is staggering. It'll be one of 2 situations:
Either no one approaches me when I clearly need help and can't find the thing I'm after OR they ask me straight away as I walk into the store if they can help me to which I instinctively say "no" without really thinking about whether or not that's the case and then proceed to be too awkward to go back for help anyway.
I was at a bar with a few friends, not completely wasted but a few drinks in. We heard there was a band upstairs, so we decided to finish our drinks and go upstairs to check out the music. There was a security guard at the top, holding one of those metal detector wands, and he held his arms out at me... presumably so that I would copy and hold my own arms out to the side so that he could wand me before going in. However, I am overly friendly and enthusiastic when intoxicated, so I thought that he was holding out his arms to hug me, and I basically tackled him in a big bear hug. Heโs a bigger dude, about 6โ something and Iโm a smaller girl, for context. He looked alarmed and told me he didnโt want a hug.
Yikes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost broke my foot in primary school but instead of telling the teacher so I could go home I just played it cool and limped around for the rest of the day. Didn't even tell my mum until she asked why I was limping.
Cignul9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate the entire soybean pod of edamame on the first date with my wife, because I'd never had it before and didn't want to ask. She married me anyway, it's a win.
Back in college I worked for this eccentric guy who had a family farm. He would come in while I was working, and he would bitch, every day about the guys he had hired to do work on his house. Every day he would come in and bitch about this guy who came in to use his bathroom, and stink up the whole house. I started to feel as if he was telling me that he didn't feel comfortable with me using his bathroom. So one day I really needed to piss, but I didn't want to take the long walk across the farm to his house to piss, when he clearly didn't want me in there, but there wasn't a tree or anything nearby I could hide behind. So I took an empty bottle and I peed into it. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I hid it behind a cabinet in the wall. I did that a number of times. I peed in a bottle and hid it in that barn. I think there may have been half a dozen bottles of piss in there before I quit. (He owed me for about six months of work that he couldn't or wouldn't pay me for) I wonder sometimes if he found them and what the fuck he thought was going on.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in college I was waiting on campus for the bus to go to another building (it was a really big campus). A friend drove by, saw me waiting and offered me a ride. So I said, โSure!โ
We were chatting in the car then I realized he was driving me to my apartment, not the building I needed to go to for my next class. Instead of saying something, I rode all the way to my apartment, said thanks to him and started walking toward my place until he drove away, then turned right back around and walked to the bus stop to wait for the bus to take me back to campus.
Also back in kindergarten they put me on the computer to play games. They told me to "not get up" so I literally took what they said as "don't move for any reason no matter what or you'll get in trouble"so I'm playing on the computer and shit,my 5 year old bladder couldn't hold much and I had to take a wee. But I was too scared to go to the bathroom in fear I'd get in trouble. Ended up pissing myself right there, also ended up crying and left school early with my piss pants
My first day of Kindergarten I had a similar experience. We went outside for recess and I was told we werenโt aloud to go inside during but I had to take a shit. So I found a hole out on the black top, dropped my pants, and filled that hole! I got in trouble... but in my defense I was raised in the forest when I was a kid, so I could go pretty much anywhere I wanted to whenever I wanted to...
When I was 8 I didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom(our classrooms all had one individual bathroom) because I didn't know if anyone was in there and I didn't want to knock cause, Idk shy I guess. I ended up getting up like 20 minutes later when I was ready to explode. Walked in, pissed myself instantly. Luckily that toilet often overflowed cause our school had shitty plumbing so I played it off like I flushed when my pants were down and they got wet from that. 8 year olds were dumb enough to buy it.
I was probably 12 and spending the night at a good friends house. Everything was going normally like any other time I had been there. Except that the next morning when I woke up I absolutely without a doubt realized I pissed the bed. Weโre not talking like. Just a little wetness in my underwear, no, there was piss covering about half of the bed.
Instead of being normal and confessing what happened, I was so embarrassed that I just sat in my own piss. I sat like this for probably 3 hours until my mom finally came and got me and I bolted out the door. My friend even sat on the bed with me for a good 30 minutes while we were playing games. To this day about 7 years later, I never heard from him or his family about how I fucking pissed all over their bed
Mid 90's, I'm about 10 years old, walked into a Blockbuster to see what new games and movies they had in stock. After being in the store for a few minutes, I realized I was unable to rent anything without my mom's Blockbuster card. But I was afraid of just walking straight out of the store because, I don't know, I thought they might assume I stole something. So before I left, I purchased a packet of peanuts, the ones that have been on the little rack next to the register for about a century.
when I was younger my friend and I made cake mix to eat (funfetti is so good before itโs cooked). So we are eating the cake mix and she had to use the bathroom. I was getting full and felt awkward telling her so I tipped over the huge bowl of cake mix upside down and when she came back down, all i said was โI donโt know how this happenedโ.
Still yet to admit it to her and sheโs my best friend of about 15 years.
I was visiting family a few years ago, and most of them don't know English. Well, I was sitting down in the driveway petting my auntie's new Rottweiler, his name was Tyson. Huge sweetheart. Her Chihuahua then comes over and plops on my lap, and I guess he didn't take too kindly to the fact that I was playing with the rott. And it being a Chihuahua, they think they're big dogs, and started growling. They got into a fight right on my lap, and that of course drew everyone's attention.
They stopped almost immediately, but it wasn't until about a minute later that I realize that my hand was torn up, I assume from Tyson.
I was too awkward to interrupt them since I didn't understand them, so I just held up my hand and waited for someone to notice. It took about 5 minutes for someone to see and call an ambulance
Lol, "No, I have a boyfriend." Glad I checked before asking...whew
koavf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, update tho. Did you end up meeting the love of your life who is a funny, kind, generous, brilliant, dedicated woman that has given you two sons???
Cdk926 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10 years old I went to visit with family members who I didn't know very well. I walked by the kitchen stove and sitting on top was a large pot filled with what looked like cooked pinto beans. Since no one was around, I reached in to scoop some up with my bare hands rather than getting a spoon like a civilized person. Right after I put it in my mouth, I started to chew as someone walked in the room, and I immediately realized it was actually dog food. The family had two large dogs and the big pot was the dog bowl that they had yet to carry outside. I silently went to the restroom to spit it out in the toilet. Never told anyone in the family out of embarrassment.
I was staying at a friend's place and shortly after I woke up, his roommate came home for lunch. I spent an hour pretending to still be asleep because I didn't want to introduce myself without my friend there.
I do NOT litter, however when I was driving to school with my older brother, he handed me a fast food cup and said "Throw this out the window" I said "no that's littering and it's wrong" his response "throw it out the window or I'll punch you in the face" (this was a realistic threat) So, me not knowing how to litter properly, throws it out the window as fast as possible. We happened to be at a stop sign, and the person behind us honks...a lot. (Which is totally understandable). Which makes me feel even worse. So then my brother smacks me on the back of the head and punches me in the thigh and calls me an idiot. My response: "I don't litter, and I don't know how to." 20 years ago and I still feel bad about it.
TL;DR I can't litter properly.
syrvyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I diarrhea shitted out of a tree on a golf course and had to attempt to wipe clean with silk boxers...
I can't poop or fart anywhere near women and I was sharing a hotel room with a female.
Using the nurses toilet at school because I hated using the public toilet. However, this worked against me one day, as the nurse wasn't there, so I went in and used it anyways, and then she came back to her office and I felt awkward so I decided to hide in there until she left again. However, she never did leave, so when I ultamatly had to leave first, she just stared at me like "wtf where did you come from?"
In high school i forgot to turn at a staircase and instead of turning around i went all the way around the school
dogler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bartended in my hometown for years and would constantly pretend to not know/recognize people I grew up with/went to high school with. I hate making small talk. Canโt believe I lasted in that job as long as I did haha.
When I was 10 my mom sent me to a catholic summer camp. I am not catholic. I took communion because everyone else was getting up and lining up. I am pretty sure I took it out of the dudes hand and popped it in my mouth like a mint.
when i was 7 a friend lied to everyone saying that i liked this girl. i never said it was a lie and until i was 12 everyone thought i liked her. i never even talked to her.
Met this girl at work ages ago, we were in the same training class. Anyway, she was SUPER forward with her advances, putting her hand on my thigh, putting her arm around me, laying her head on my shoulder, etc.
Me, being an awkward 18 year old, was entirely out of my comfort zone with this level of unexpected affection, just sat there and tried to pretend it wasn't happening, this continued for the entire duration of the 3-week training class.
When I was a kid I was into horse riding. One day, as we were all leading the horses back to their stables after the lesson, my horse stood on my foot. We then stopped for some reason or another .My socially inept ass let this horse stand on my foot for around 2 minutes until we started walking again. All because I was too awkward to speak to the instructor and let her know. I can't even tell you why.
Edit: Bonus story... must've been round about the same time, also at this riding centre, it so happens. I was waiting in the reception for my mum to pick me up. I needed a piss so fucking badly, but I was too scared to ask one of the adults where the toilet was. So as I was sitting on the sofa, I just couldn't hold it anymore. And I pissed myself, on the sofa. Saw a bottle of water on the floor and picked it up and opened the cap a bit, y'know, so it looked like it had spilled. Sat in the car all the way home soaked in urine.
I once went to church and went to confession. For some reason the priest was directly across from me instead of the little booth. He started talking and explained the procedure then holds out his hand towards me (palm up like when you give someone something). I think "oh shit what do I do now? I can't leave him hanging" So naturally I decided he wanted to hold my hand. I place my hand on his. He says no and that it was time to tell him my sins. I then tell him about all the terrible things I did. Twenty years later I still cringe.
if i buy something at a store, and for whatever reason, if i forgot something or whatever, i'll drive out of my way to go to a different one even though there's several stores around my home within 5 minutes of driving. i'll drive a half-hour away to a different wal-mart just so i don't have to go to the same one twice in one day, even when there's one very close to me.
I was walking home from my class on sunday when I saw my friend's mum. We did the usual small talk and then went separate ways. I still had to get another item and so did she so instead of making awkward eye contact and smiling again I paif for all my stuff as quickly as possible, ran out of the shop and walked another 2 miles to another different shop to get the other 1 item.
1144you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 6 at my best friends house, and we had bagels for breakfast and I didnโt enjoy the bagel so instead of being rude and putting it in the trash, I put the bagel on the window ceil and I closed the curtains so it was hidden. 10 years later that is still one of our many inside jokes.
I took the bus for the first time to go downtown to eat with some classmates. I sat down in a seat that commemorated Rosa Parks before I saw that the first person in our group sat in an empty seat further back.
Wanting to sit with that person, I got up and moved back to their seat while awkwardly cutting off a random person. I did not want to be a jerk so I said an awkward joke of, "Oh, a Rosa Parks seat? I am not worthy as a man!"
Next thing I know, five angry black ladies start questioning me, interogating about what I was implying with my dumb and awkward joke.
Needless to say, totally nailed my first time using the public transportation system and I definitely didn't get cursed off the bus!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the first day of classes last fall semester, the power went in out in one of the buildings I had a class in so they quickly sent out a revised meeting schedule for all the classes. I completely misread it and entered the wrong class room. I had an economics course and turns out I was sitting in a middle eastern politics class. The professor started doing ice breakers asking everyone their name, major, etc. And when it was on me I made up a whole story about how I was thinking about switching majors. The professor reached out to me after the class too.
Okay so with a bit of context, it was at my first job as a student, i was maybe 19 and after a full year the job was really boring for me so i was late quite a lot. So one day my boss got really angry and screamed at me (the only time) that i needed to be on point from now on or he would tell my school and take some of my salary out. So needless to say i was scared and i decided to be right on time.
Well as you can guess not even one week later i got Really late (like 50min) and i thought that was it, i was about to get fired.
So i decided to do the best thing to save my ass and i called the company and told another collegue (we were 4 working there) that i was late because my (dadโs) car broke down and i had to take the bus (the bus took 1h and car 10 min).
That way i totally justified why i was late knowing the bus travel took exatcly the time i was late for, and i took the car anyway. So the company was situated in a big area with a lots of others company, and in the middle a restaurant for the employee. Soni parked on another company parking and acted like i ran from the bus stop to get there asap. Everything was fine until lunch, we were all walking after a good meal towards the office and a collegue asked if we could take the other path to get there, the boss was like whatever its the same and at this moment i noticed why, he probable saw my car and boy i was right, we passed my car which was parked right on the side and i heard the two collegues behind me say like ยซย wtf its exactly his car dudeย ยป thinking i didnt heard. So in the afternoon they both went to the toilet one after the other and im pretty sure they went to check if it was actually my car, each of them smilling when they came back. I cringed so hard at that moment but im glad they actually never confronted me directly.
Slid61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few months ago I hit it off with a girl on tinder. Since she was traveling I invited her to stay at my place for a night, with the obvious implications. When we finally met she was... not as attractive as I thought she was, either physically or personality-wise. Rather than saying I didn't want to sleep with her we ended up eating some pot brownies and I pretended I was too high to do anything. When we left I never talked to her again. Definitely not the right thing to do.
One time a while back when I was with my first GF, I had never hugged a girl before. We were waiting for our cars outside of school and we were trying to get used to the whole BF and GF thing, so we tried hugging. My car was right in front of me and I didnโt want my grandma to see me do it. So, I tried to go in for a quick shoulder hug, but I accidentally dug my fingers into her shoulder blade and hurt her. She laughed it off, but didnโt let the topic drop for a week.
joshthor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walk 18 floors down to the street every day after work because I don't want to deal with people in the elevator.
belbo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 I went with my parents to a family to adopt a puppy. When I was wandering around in their house, I came into the kitchen and two kids, some cool boys a few years older than me, were hanging out there. When I entered the kitchen a boy asked me something but I didnt hear it well. I said "what?", but didnt hear it again. He repeated the question for like five times but I just could not hear what he said. I was so embarrased that I just guessed he asked my street name (lol, why...), and told him my street name and number. They stared at me with a really strange face and he said "sorry???", I repeated my street name and this went on for several times. After that, there was a really long awkward silence and the boy said to the other "ive never heard such a weird name for a dog". Suddenly I understood what he asked but didnt dare to say. I just pretended we named the dog like my street name and number.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had an eye doctor appointment to check my eyeglasses and contact lens prescription. About 8 minutes in I realize I never took my contacts out and he was doing my examination with them in. I assume he's the doc and can tell that, so whatever. Fast forward to a week later when my glasses come in, I go to the office to try them on and kinda realize what's happened. Keep my contacts in as I try the glasses on and wow, best vision I've ever had! Didn't say anything, just left with my new (very hip, might I add) glasses.
10/10 awkward in my head experience, could see individual blades of grass, still wear glasses daily with contacts in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was in my third year of school, I was put into a fourth year maths class (I have no clue why, I suck at maths.) I had never heard of the teacher that took that class before, and I was too scared to go into a class a year above my level, so for the first half of the year I hid behind a tree for the maths hour, and then returned to my normal class. It was rather boring so eventually I decided to show up, and amazingly nobody ever questioned it.
I dont know my dentists name. Well, the bane of the dental hygienist lady that works on my teeth before the head dentist does a quick check up after. I've been going to that place for years, and I don't know any of the staffs names, and they like to make somewhat personal conversation with me because I've been going there for several years. It is fsr to late to ask anyone their names again.
Literally just ask the teacher if I could go use the bathroom.
She was reading the novel we were working on out loud, so everyone was just reading along/listening intently. Mind you, she was at a good part in the book... but I really had to go and I couldn't wait any longer. I raised my hand and shook it a little bit to get her attention faster... she said yes, and I hurriedly jump out of my seat, knocking over some of my pencils on my desk, and promptly left.
Everyone looked at me like there was something seriously wrong with me. Even worse, the teacher came looking for me after I was in the washroom for over 10 minutes and made her worry. I feel so much cringe looking back on it now.
I boycotted going to the toilet for an hour because it meant I'd have to go past the man replacing the door to the laundry.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have another one from my father, When he was a kid he was getting ready to take the bus to school but he had to use the bathroom. He felt too awkward to go back in the house and miss the bus because he'd have to have his mother or father drive him to school so he gets on the bus and... he poops his pants, He sits there the whole trip to school without saying anything and ends up having to be sent home when he gets to school.
Kelwarin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had never seen a rotating door until I was 20. Was going into a building with my dad that had a revolving door and followed him into one of the wedges. Immediately realized the mistake but it was too late and had to awkwardly shuffle forward. He just gave me the "what the fuck was that" look followed by a look that I can only imagine was immense disappointment in his failure of a son.
Make consistent eye contact (+awkward smile that comes with it) hoping my crush would make the first move.
Did that for a whole semester and she never gave it a second thought.
Jiimmayx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well idk if this counts but today I went to get in the elevator (had to go up 9 floors), but upon the doors opening and it being completely empty, I noticed someone let a dank fart rip. As there are usually a bunch of people waiting for the elevator on floor 9, I chose to take the stairs to avoid being blamed for the narsty fart.
In junior high I had a crush on a girl. Instead of talking to her I got on her bus. Asked a special ed kid on the bus where she lived because I knew he would tell me. I already knew rhe neighborhood, just needed the house. Came back another day on my scooter and sat across her street working up the courage to ask her out. That took 4 hours. I sat there for 4 hours. In this time her sibling came outside, they fought, she asked me 3 or 4 times over the course of the 4 hours if I was waiting for someone or lost.
Then I asked her if she wanted to date. I didn't cross the street mind you, I yelled it while sitting on the curb across the street. Ya I got teased for that one for damn sure. Sucked we went to the same high school. Thinking on it, I think that interaction was what pushed me to hate preppy kids and rebel as a goth. Good times.
I don't know about EVER but an older lady was staring at me in the gym locker room last week, like wouldn't break eye contact, so I tried to switch bras in the most discreet fashion... which actually probably looked like a mess and guaranteed she saw boob for at least 500% longer than had I just not been obnoxious.
Got invited to a Bonfire by a girl I liked, packed a bunch of shit expecting to camp because it was late and I expected everybody to be drunk. Show up to the bonfire, it's packed, tons of people, smoking weed, drinking, there was a DJ with a truck too. The girl I wanted ends up spending the night with some other guy, I couldn't find a friend to ride home with, so I end up sleeping in a sleeping bag next to the fire. Wake up and nobody is left but me, her and her guy, and her best friend and her guy. So i'm the odd one out, who stood around awkward for hours and then an awkward silent car ride home feeling unwanted. Good times
Bumitis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went out to lunch with co-workers because we got a new member to our team and it was her first day. I ordered chicken skewers and got to one piece I knew immediately was very very raw. I was an intern and only started a few weeks prior and didn't want to spit it out in front of my boss and our director so I ate it.
Called it Tai Chi(not even sure if spelling was right), basically meant I'd jump onto the floor/lawn/ground and flail around. People loved it, probably because I looked stupid. Fuck adolescent life, however I don't regret it.
SEE:Magikarp
shfiven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have to plug my ears and close my eyes to pee in public restrooms. This happened until I was like 35. I couldn't even use a public bathroom until after I graduated from college. Before that I would not eat or drink a single thing all day until I got home from school because I would have preferred to pee my pants that use the bathroom at school.
This happened the other week, I went out to a club with a few friends and we got split up so there was only 3 of us. We all go to the bar to get a drink, bare in mind it was about 2:30 at this point and we were at the โshotsโ stage of the night. So we go to get tequila shots, but I stayed a little back while the other two got the drinks in.
While I was standing alone, this girl comes up to me and starts dancing with me, so I ask if she wants a shot as well to which she says yes. So I give the friend my debit card and ask for 4 tequila shots. We do them and this girl and I carry on dancing/ grinding on me/ kissing for an hour or so more. During this time she ends up buying me about 6 more tequila shots (which is very rare for a girl to buy for a guy).
We were in an RnB room, so a Rihanna song comes on so we both start singing. Then, as we are both completely drunk, she comes up and whispers in my ear โI have a really bad reputationโ in a very seductive way. Now, sheโs made it clear sheโs interested and the normal thing to do was take this girl home. However, being the awkward person I am, I decided to shout, in the middle of the club โoh no, thatโs not goodโ. Safe to say she wasnโt too impressed and was very confused. Once realising what I had just done, and blown my opportunity completely, I left to go find my friends again
At my new job, we get badges that let us into the building. But they don't get activated until your 90 days probation is up. So, to get in the building, I have to buzz in, which i know makes a loud sound for the admin assistant to unlock the door with a button at her desk.
So now, and for the next 2 months, anytime I forget something in my car, I just go without because I don't want to go out to my car repeatedly. Will people really care that I went to my car once or twice during the day? Will people talk about it? Is pressing the open button really that hard for Marie? Probably not, but still I sit there, cold without my jacket, thirsty without my water, or wishing I had remembered to bring my health insurance enrollment form in today...
i'm so late to this but i have a good one, probably a few really.
I was coming home from coffee with my mate and his wife and I stopped to get some fuel about 3 blocks from my house. My across the road neighbour was there and we made small talk, all that we were capable of. We both left together for home and I didn't want to have to think of more to say when we got out, so I just pulled over and made a quick call to my brother, we had some stuff to talk about anyhow. So i'm talking to him and I didn't think about it but I was on the dodgy "streetwalker" area of my town and while i'm talking my neighbour goes by, this one regular girl from there (lets just call her a veteran) opens my door and gets in my car. So my nieghbour saw me pick up a prostitute.
Later my mate who I was having coffee with rang me and told me that he had seem me too and "WTF were you doing!!" He and his wife have never let me live it down (and I haven't spoken to the neighbour since).
Oiman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a new highschool as a kid, mid-schoolyear. The arts teacher wanted to know my name. She didnโt understand me the first time, asked me again, I said it again, then she said โAah, <incorrect name>, welcome!โ
Instead of me correcting her like a normal person, another kid had to do it halfway through the class.
Thatbul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got stranded in the city when I lost my car keys. I walked down to the train station and had no idea what to do. So instead of asking someone for help I walked back up the stairs and paid a cab $90 to drive me home.
My high school was really big. As in the building was an eighth of a mile across and square. I really had to pee, and of course if I go right after class I have to deal with stage fright. Normally I can overcome it after half a minute, but for some reason it just wasn't working out, even though I really had to go. I was probably standing at that urinal for two minutes trying to get over myself as dudes grunted out a piss next to me and left. I ended up walking an eighth of a block and up two flights of stairs to get up to the third floor once everyone was in class and take a leak.
When I was in second grade, I had never peed at a urinal. I knew that cool, confident kids had no problem peeing at the urinal, but I'd never done it. I rarely used the bathroom in school, but when I did, I went into the stall and peed there.
One day I went into the bathroom and there were some older kids in there already. I was horrified to picture a scenario where I went into a stall and they saw my pants around my ankles through the bottom of the stall and declared "HA! This kid is too scared to use a urinal!"
So, I went to the urinal. And I pulled down my pants and underwear. And peed with my bare ass in front of them.
Former labmate offered to pass my resume around at a new company he was at. I noticed the job description asked for a specific software skill that I didn't have. I got too awkward to ask him about it and just didn't reply. It's been 7 months later and I still don't have a job. He got frustrated with my stupidity and unfriended me on facebook.
el_grort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at a writing course and the guy running it was terrible for names. Got round to me and tried to guess my name, called me Joseph or something. I said "wrong", he heard Ron and that's how I ended up being mistaken for some Rowling character for the rest of the course because I was too afraid of trying to correct the guy again.
Hello world! Made an account just for this question. This year I graduated from college, and was flown down to LA for an interview with a great company. I had a return offer from the company I was working part time during the semester for, but hoped to find a new job to better suit my career goals.
Everything went smoothly those few days, but on my flight back, in baggage claim, I saw my current boss. Why was he in LA? Did work bring him down here? Needless to say, I ducked and covered. I followed him to see which gate he was going to, and of course it was my flight back north. I hadn't told him of my interview with this new company, and to avoid sitting next to him on the plane and explaining why on earth I was in LA, I intentionally missed my flight. Keep in mind, the other company paid for this flight. Luckily, I was able to pretend I just missed boarding, and the man at the desk let me on a flight an hour after. I haven't told anyone this, and know it's quite dumb, but I was too fearful to hurt his feelings and did not want to lie to him. Ended up getting the new job, so it all worked out in the end. I still scold myself for how unnecessary that was.
JG_Oh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cashier forgot to give me a drink with my combo and I was too awkward to ask for it. He remembered a lil later and asked me "Hey you want a drink?" but I said no because I had to pretend I never wanted it in the first place. Still thirsty for that drink to this day.
Edit: Just remembered that he even asked me again "Are you sure?" and I said "Yeah I'm good"
Walking home from school age 12, I had to cross a really busy road. I waited like five minutes for a car to stop and let me pass, but when it did I felt bad that I made them stop. So I would back away from the road and endure the dirty look as they sped off. It wasn't a one-time thing either.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another gentleman and I were looking to pass through the same doorway at the same time. We had the old Canadian stand off of saying โafter youโ, โno, after YOU!โ He held out his hand to gesture for me to go first. I panicked. I grabbed his hand and shook it.
For my senior year at a new school, instead of having to deal with "me: is this seat free? Them : rolls eyes, loudly sighs and scoots over " everyday, I opted to sit on the little hump by the bus driver, generally waiting to be the last one on so I could hurry up and look at my feet to hide my face
I once parked outside of a store and waited for over an hour to go in to avoid a run-in with a former co-worker. I quit in a pretty god awful way and did not want to have to talk to anyone who worked there about it.
When I was younger I was the least confident, most anxious being ever. During my English classes in grade school, we would usually take turns reading from the textbook and one afternoon it was my turn.
With a racing heart and shortness of breath I stuttered my way through the first couple sentences before I told the teacher I couldn't continue because I forgot my glasses and I couldn't see the words. I didn't even wear glasses at the time.
My 11th grade English teacher called me by the wrong name for the entire school year. She found out that wasn't my name the last week of school. She was shocked, "Why didn't you tell me that wasn't your name?!"
Me: "Everything in my life is screwed up, might as well let my name be screwed up as well."
Walk around a whole building complex because I didn't want to be awkward and turn around and look lost.
jjbutts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 13. My Latin teacher was super hot. She was also the girl's soccer coach and had one of those great soccer girl butts. One day she was writing on the board and her shirt lifted up and I could see that she was wearing thong underwear. I got one of those raging 13 year old boners that just wouldn't go away. Class ended and everyone grabbed their stuff and left the room.... Except me. I couldn't stand up. My teacher came over and asked what I was doing.
"uhhh... I don't know. I'm tired."
She grabbed my arm and said, "jjbutts, you have to leave now." she tugged on my arm to get me out of my desk. I didn't know what to do, so I pretended that I pulled my back out and couldn't stand erect (pun not indented, but noticed). So I walked out of the class bent over at the waist, boner still in full effect. I spent the next three days pretending to be unable to stand up straight. To really sell it, each day I stood just a little bit taller, like my back was getting better, but still wasn't 100%. Now, 25 years later, I'd love to know what she knew and didn't. Ms. Handler... If you're out there, call me.
So I met a cute girl during my college orientation but was too shy to ask her out. But then I found out she was majoring in biology for pre med. The day after, I changed my undecided major to biology for pre med. Suffice to say, she didn't go through with it and got a BF (not me) the rest is history.
LilPad93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate the rawest bloodiest hamburger I've ever seen in my life because I didn't want to say anything and everyone else was eating theirs
I grew up in the Bible Belt where itโs pretty much assumed youโre a Christian. There are lots of spontaneous prayers so Iโve done a lot of stupid things to avoid having to pray out loud. I played basketball and the team sat in a circle to hold hands and pray. Each person prayed and it was getting closer and closer to my turn. My heart was pounding and I suddenly jumped up and said I heard my mom calling. They did that circle prayer every game and every game I had to think of some excuse so I wouldnโt have to pray. It became pretty obvious to everyone that I was a heathen.
On time, I was in some group and got called on to pray. I rambled on and on and on because I didnโt know when or how to stop the prayer. โDear Heavenly Father, thank You for gathering us here today. Thank you for all your blessings and for watching over us and keeping us all safe....โ blah blah blah for five minutes. I kept piecing together all these holy meaningless prayer fragments and it was a mess. Finally, I heard nervous laughter and ended it with an abrupt Amen, opening my eyes with my face bright red to see everyone smirking at me.
Once I went ice skating with a group of friends. I was like 14 and a group of cool guys from school were at the rink too so naturally when I fell and slammed the back of my head on the ice I pretended I was fine even though I couldn't see or hear so very good for the remainder of the excursion. Told my mom when she came to pick me up-a trip to the ER confirmed that I had a massive concussion that required follow up for months afterwards.
Also I pretend to be on my phone like, every time I think I might have to interact with strangers in public. But I'm not good at it. My fake conversations consist of loudly saying "REALLY? OH MAN! NO WAY! HA HA HA!" Aaaand repeat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 15 a friend and I realised that we lived in the same area and decided to walk home from school together. We were deep in conversation as we approached my house but instead of stopping or interrupting the conversation to say that this was my house, we continued walking for another 5 or more minutes until we got to my friends house. My friend then went into her house and I turned around when she could no longer see me and walk back the way we came to go home. After that day I was too awkward to admit to her that I walked past my house because I was too shy to interrupt the conversation to say this was my house.
Tl;dr I was too awkward to interrupt the conversation upon arriving at my house so I walked an extra 10 minutes every day to get home.
In english class the teacher called on me to read out loud. I wanted to get through the paragraph as quickly as possible because I hated reading out loud. So I read super fast and didn't take any breaths until my voice got higher and higher and I gasped loudly for air. Everyone turned and stared at me and the teacher looked like he was about to die laughing.
I had a crush on the preachers daughter when i was growing up. I wanted to seem cool when he was going to come and hang out with our family i ran and got a ice cream cup out of the freezer before i answered the door. Me not knowing i had accidentally got the dog ice cream treat instead. I just took a few bites and tried to pretend i did not make a awkward mistake. After I assume he saw the look on my face he said, u/townpoets. Ummmm are you eating dog ice cream? I was like what?!? No! And ran away with embarassment. The ice cream container said Dog Ice Cream Treat on it. I never noticed
_voidz_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 7th grade, I needed to take a shit at school so I decided to go at lunch break. Two other guys came in to the bathroom who were in my year. I knew they were the kids of our year who sold food in the bathroom at break because I recognized their voices.
I took longer on the toilet than expected due to reasons unknown to me until this day but I knew there were other people still in the bathroom who could have been the guys from my year that came in to sell food. Since I was too embarrassed to come out and explain why I was in the toilet for 20 minutes, I spent my whole lunch break locked inside of the toilet cubicle.
At the end of lunch break, when I thought it was safe to leave, I emerge from the toilet cubicle and see the two boys who came in at the beginning, both staring right at me.
I have very curly hair and I straightened it during finals week in HS. The schedule was altered for finals and in the middle of class my teacher asked me if I was in the wrong class - about 4 times! In my mind, I was questioning if I was in the right class or if I was in a nightmare but I couldn't say anything. Luckily this kid next to me spoke up and told the teacher I had been there every day. The teacher gave up and sat down with a confused look on his face.
I was at a concert and the opening band was playing some classic rock, and the lead singer noticed how into the music I was and gave me a signed CD. Later drunk me was buying a drink, when I reached for some Money the CD was in the way so I just tossed it in the trash.....the singer was right next to me.....
Had an appointment with the dentist, no biggie, the appointment is ~3:30pm and school ended 2pm, after school I have to walk ~3 Minutes to get there... instead of going in and sitting in the waiting room, I stand outside on the parking lot on a rather warm day in my winter coat... best thing is I go in at ~2:40 and after 5 minutes they tell me I could get my stuff done - if a parent of me was there since it was about me getting braces and they couldn't do anything without a signature from my parents... they asked me 4 times in these 50 minutes if my mom had come yet... really awkward...
This is so embarrassing but itโs a testament to my awkwardness as a youngster. In the 3rd grade, I asked to go to bathroom bc I had to pee, and when I got to the closest bathroom it was crowded with students and I was too awkward/embarrassed/something to pee so I went back to the classroom, thinking Iโd already been gone for suspiciously long, so still having to pee, I go back and for whatever reason there was a taboo (maybe in my head) about asking to go to the restroom AGAIN, so I did the only logical thing in my elementary school mind and pissed in my jean shorts. Tried to keep it under wraps obviously, but I was caught pretty much immediately. Stood up in front of the class, with dripping wet Phat Pharms jeans shorts, and the โhot girlโ I had a crush on gave me the look of โI didnโt know you were disgusting before but I had my suspicions and now I know...โ
TLDR pissed my pants in elementary school bc awkward.
Before freshman Orientation for college, we had to select our major online so during orientation we could meet our advisors.
I had wanted to be an Aerospace Engineer for a few years, and selected it online a month in advance. A few weeks later I was clicking other majors to see how the course loads compared, remembering to change it back a few days before orientation.
Show up to orientation, my intro/where to go today packet was pre printed a week in advance. It said "College of Science - Computer Science". The sign in lady said I would have to speak to my CS advisor to have her change my major in the system.
There were maybe 6 CS freshmen that showed up to out reporting room. The last seemed so sad there was so few of us I couldn't break the news.
Graduated last year, have been working in the Software Engineering field for about 18 months now loving every minute of it.
pushkar3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tried to summit Mt. Williamson after a stormy night which brought a lot of snow.
Qubesta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got called Sam at work for 6 months because by the time I realised it was me they were referring to It felt too late to correct them
My name is nothing along the lines of Sam
My parents liked to pick my outfits for school photos... otherwise they would have been terrible, I have bad tastes. Anyway, one time in middle school as the teacher was calling roll, she'd look at check off a name, no need to call "here." Well, this time a few students were like "wait, who's the new girl tho?" Out loud. To the teacher. Because she didn't introduce the new student. Me. I'd been there everyday, not a new student. fml.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, my wife. We were climbing Mt. Tallac near Lake Tahoe, and had not seen anyone else all day. The trail is still snowed in and we take a break in the sun to eat lunch. We see a couple below us climbing up a steep section we had just finished. I call out to cheer them on. My wife on the other hand says โKatie?! Is that you?!โ To these random people who were definitely not Katie. We live in Michigan. Katie lives in Michigan. Not sure why she thought this person was Katie. I just stared at her as the couple awkwardly hiked past us.
HalNicci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm always awkward about what to call people. Like I don't think I have called my mil by a name or anything in the time I've been together with my fiance. And I'm in way too deep to ask now. Like we see each other regularly.
I used to live in a house where my bedroom was right off the kitchen. One afternoon I was in my room with the door closed, and one of my roommate's friends came over. He was having some sort of personal crisis, so my roommate cracked open a couple of beers and they sat down at the kitchen table and talked about it. Eventually it became clear that they weren't going to go out or move to the living room or something, but by that time I'd been sitting there quietly, on the other side of a paper-thin wall, for the better part of an hour. I didn't want them to know I was there in case they thought I'd been eavesdropping (I'd actually put my headphones on to drown them out), so I just stayed there, getting hungrier and hungrier, as they drank beer and talked. I even silenced my phone so it wouldn't give me away, and when my boyfriend called I texted him back that I couldn't talk and we ended up chatting via text messages that night instead. I ended up being stuck in my bedroom for almost five hours before they finally went out to walk the dog, and then I came out of my room and pretended I'd just gotten home. It was pretty ridiculous. But I'd probably do the same thing if it happened again.
My first time visiting Disneyland was as a young adult. My friend's in laws treated us all to a day at the park, and as I was going through the turnstile, I looked at my friend excited and said, "I'm excited to finally visit Disneyland!" (I'd been to other theme parks, so it's not like it was a totally new experience.)
I get through the turnstile, and a park employee about my age approached me with a clipboard and excited greeted me asking, "Hi! Is this your first time visiting Disneyland?!" I turned around quick to find my friend, couldn't see her, and started stammering, "Uh... Uhh... Ahhhhh...." saw my friend and literally just ran to her.
She burst out laughing at my exchange with the canvasser. Yes, I was so caught off guard by his normal question and peppy demeanor that I forgot how words worked, and my anxiety took over.
I was shopping with my boyfriend and I found a shirt I liked, so I went to go check out, while checking out the cashier asked me a question, and I had no idea what she asked, so I politely asked her to repeat herself...she repeated the question and I still couldnโt understand it. I just froze and looked at her dead in her face while she repeated the question a few more times. She kept asking, but at that point I was too anxious and had stopped listening and just gave her a dead stare until my boyfriend answered for me.
phenli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a lab and for some reason, I'm deathly afraid of the head of HR. I was coming back from the bathroom and noticed she entered the lab (saw her thru the door window) and I panicked and ran to the warm room just a ways down the hall. We have warm and cold rooms to keep our plates or cells etc. at a temp they like. The warm room is 37 degC about 99 degF. I stayed in there for 10-15 min waiting for her to leave while I was sweating like a pig. It was cold that day too and so I was dressed pretty thick and that didn't help. Turns out it wasn't even her. Lol kill me
I always sit in the very first seat behind the bus driver because i get to nervous to walk by everyone and one morning once we got to school he opened the doors for us to get off and i stood up to get off and the whole bus stood up too but i had a panic attack and quickly sat back down and so did everyone else so nobody got off the bus until the driver was like โwhat the hell are you guys doingโ then i got up and practically ran to hide in the bathroom
I got a job at Pizza Hut because I had the hots for the assistant manager. Asking him out was too simple; I had to take a crappy job and flirt with him for months.
Kootsiak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once walked into the air conditioner sticking out of the side of a convenience store. I hit it right on the corner of my head, making a huge bang and busting my head open with a streak of blood running down my forehead. I walked into the store to buy some smokes, the cashier asked me if I hit my head on the air conditioner and being too awkward to admit it, I tried to say that the blood on my head was from something else.
I'm normally good with admitting I'm a supreme idiot, but every once in a while, I will jump through hoops to pretend I'm normal at the worst times.
When I was in elementary school, I would walk over to the high school to get a ride home (my dad was a high school shop teacher). Naturally, high schoolers were terrifying. Once my dad walked me to the bathroom and waited for me outside in the hall. While I was in the stall, a gang of terrifying high school girls came in. I was too scared to come out while they were there so I waited....but there was always someone else in there so I just stayed in the stall until my dad had to send someone in to get me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to shake hands with a cripple who had a shriveled hand. Instead of doing the logical thing of fist bumping, I clasped his perma-fist with my two hands like I was mourning for him or something.
Oh yea, the guy was a Chase executive and worth a couple dozen of billions. NBD.
Also his son in law was my boss. Totes didn't embarrass myself. I'm cool. No bad.
When I was in my late teens/early twenties I was in the passenger seat of my friend's car one night and we were ordering food at a drive thru. We could see the cashier up ahead, and she could see us. My friend and I were stunned at how cute she was, and were talking about it. Well, when we drove up to pay and get our order, another girl had taken over (much to our disappointment). But suddenly the new girl, as she handed us our food, leaned down and pointed at the cute girl and said to me "That girl there is in LOVE with you." I am not exaggerating this next part: I completely lost track of where I was, and the next thing I remember my friend and I were parked in some nearby parking lot. My friend was livid. "Hey, I said, "what did I say to that girl?" I honestly had no idea (I was also stone-cold sober, I might add). My buddy looked at me and replied, with disgust, "You said, "Great! Thanks!""
I was too humiliated to go back.
Went on a date with my bf at the time many years ago to a concert. Proceeded to get wasted on Red Bull and vodkas. Went home with dude and barfed liquid all up in his bed while he was right next to me (empty stomach and that mix was a bad choice anyway). Continued barfing AS IF HE WASNT THERE AND WOULD NOT NOTICE. He asked if I was okay and I said I was because I was too embarrassed to admit what I had just done and wanted to be a โbadass chickโ that could โhandle her booze.โ I then proceeded to turn the pillow over and go to sleep instead of admitting what I just did....magically was laying in clean sheets the next day. Oi vey.
When I was a teenager I had a crush on my best friends neighbor. Stayed over one night with my best friend and we see my crush outside. We were supposed to be in for the night but we snuck out. Didn't put shoes on first and when I got to the sidewalk I stepped on a cigarette butt that someone had just thrown out of their car and had landed on the walk way. I didn't want to embarrass myself by jumping around like an idiot so I just stood there until it went out and tried to keep up conversation while a hole was being burned into my foot.
Awesome moment: went to study at a cafe in my hometown. As I was sitting a the bar, a very attractive girl sat next to me. I think she was a year older than me, so I knew of her. We had a lomg conversation, and I was so proud that I didn't make it weird by reading in and asking for her number.
Next day awkward: I was waiting for a book or something at the community college library. She saw me from like 30 feet away, came over, stood in my line of sight and smiled while making eye contact.
I forgot her name, got embarrassed by my shit short term memory, and pretended I didn't notice her.
On choir tour, a male friend and I (I am a girl) ha led this flirtationship wherein I would be standing somewhere and he would sneak up on me and smack my ass. Then I'd catch him somewhere and smack his ass. Fast forward to choir tour at Sea World in San Diego: I see him standing w someone else, watching a presentation on something, so I get extra daring and go up, smack his ass, then grab ahold of one of his cheeks and give it a good pinch and then linked arms w him, all the while laughing hysterically. Only... I look up at his face & it is a complete stranger, who is standing w a lady who is presumably his wife. My face turned 50 shades of red, I stammered unintelligibly, and then finally just ran away. The worst part was as I was fleeing, I see my friend Paul, who had witnessed the entire embarrassment and was rolling in laughter. I still get embarrassed thinking about it.
Kahing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I and a cute girl match on Tinder. SHE INITIATED. She messaged me. I didn't respond.
Yeah, that actually happened.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today at work a guy hit me in the head with a 10 foot piece of conduit. When he felt he hit something, he turned around to see what he hit. I avoided eye contact and continued working just to avoid the awkward โsorryโ and โoh itโs okay!โ
Hard hats work.
When I was in highschool, I had a massive lump on my forehand due to cystic acne, I asked my parents if I could stay home sick, but this thing wasnโt going away anytime soon and they knew I would have to stay home for a week. I mean it was a knot, probably the size of a Golf ball. Needless to say I go to school trying to avoid eye contact. Everyone started being very concerned. After the first person asked how I hit my head, I started to create a story that kept evolving all day.
The first story story that I thought of was, that I had reached down to the floor to get something and hit my head on a counter top. I then added situations and dialogue around it. Like my mom had just mopped the floors and then I slipped while picking said object off the floor, then hit my head. At the end of the day, I felt like everyone thought it was hilarious that I had hit my head in such a stupid way, but I always had the feeling they never bought it.
TLDR; cystic acne is awful. Especially on your face.
xxxsas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wore a wool coat in a hot room because I was sitting too close to other people to remove my coat. People even asked why I wasnโt taking it off and I lied and said I was cold. I almost died.
When I was in high school I would get to school in the morning and I would have no one to sit with so instead I would walk around school pretending to look for someone and shaking my head like "where did that friend of mine get to?!"
3 friends and I wanted to go to the beach, but we couldnt drive yet so we were going to skateboard there. Unfortunately, I have terrible balance and cant skate very well. My friend offered his bike for me to ride, but I declined it for some reason and decided to go on foot. I had to maintain something between a brisk walk and a light jog to keep up with them the entire 20 minute journey to the beach. There was a point on the way back where they were going downhill and I had to do a full-on sprint to catch up with them
ann102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was raised to use formal titles to anyone older than me. Mr., Ms., Dr., etc. but it felt odd with my boyfriend so I avoided calling them anything. Awkward at first, then it turned into a personal challenge. Only started using their names this year....27 years later. Have to admit, I am sorry to have lost the game. I think they are too.
I held on to the wrapping paper my gift came in at a Christmas party for about three hours. There was a baby gate that I already had trouble opening between me and the kitchen trash, so I didnโt take the chance again. And yes, I did check the bathroom for a trash can and there wasnโt one.
Our high school had "HERO" passes. You got one if you were tardy coming to school. You had to go up to the teacher and show it to them, but unfortunately the lines to get a HERO pass were so long that by the time you got one, class had already been going for almost 20 minutes.
So one day I'm drinking coffee on the way to school, only for me to realize the lid isn't all the way on, and I spill it all over myself. I have to go back and change, and by the time I get to school, the late bell rings when I'm about 20 seconds into my walk to class. Meaning I was on campus already but not in class yet.
Sure enough, the campus supervisors stopped us and made us get in a lime to show our ID for a HERO pass. By the time I finally got mine, 15 minutes had passed and now instead of being 50 seconds late I was 15 minutes late. Also, I had my field hockey stick and bag with me to drop off, but the campus supervisors said I couldn't drop it off now because I was late.
Well, I was too embarrassed to go to class 15 minutes late and stop the class to show the teacher I had a HERO pass and get her to sign it, especially when I was lugging around all my gear. So I headed off into the direction of the classroom but then snuck into a bathroom and proceeded to sit there for the rest of the period. I tensed up when anyone came in, sure that it was the campus supervisor about to bust me, figuring out that I hadn't gone to class. By the time the period was over, my legs were going numb from the toilet seat and because I had put all my gear on my lap so someone couldn't look under the stall and see that I had my gear and figure me out.
Honestly, the hero passes were a terrible system. Treat us like prisoners and embarass us for being 30 seconds late, yep, that'll encourage people to come to school tardy instead of just missing a whole period! /s
The other day I rode the bus like 4 stops past where I wanted to get off because I was the last person on the bus and I guess the driver thought it was empty. Instead of saying something I just coughed loudly. After he realized I was there he pulled over, I thanked him for the ride, and then got an uber to work.
My little sister was friends with C and J down the street, and I wanted to hang out with them too but was never invited and was too afraid to ask to join them. I kept coming up with reasons to go "pick up" my sister when it was time to go home, and would linger for conversation before we left. It eventually worked and we were friends for about eight years.
wave33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get really awkward when I don't hear someone well. I was sleeping at this guy's and he asked me if I had some of the pillow. My brain assumed he asked if I was good or comfortable, so I said yeah. He then proceeds to call me out when he notices, "No you don't... Why would you say you do?" My recovery was, "I don't like pillows."
It only got worse. He asked why didn't I just say that, and I said, "Oh um. My hair is big and soft (I do have quite a lot of curly hair) so I didn't even realize."
Had to pretend I didn't want the pillow to fall asleep then and deal with the weird look he gave me.
Kedali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a freshman in high school my mom bought the yearbook for me, but when it came time to go pick mine up, the idea of going and talking to strangers and interacting was too much for me so I just never got my yearbook.
I was friends with a girl in junior high for three months before I figured out what her name was. We hung out, ate lunch together, sat together all the time- were were stinking close. By the time we started to develop a legit friendship I didn't have the ladyballs to ask what her name was. I eventually found out what it was by having to hand papers back in class and figured it out by process of elimination.
I dunno who this was more awkward for. A couple weeks ago, I ran into 2 guys i went to middle schoo/high school with while I was out bowling with my cousins. I was bowling next to them for a few frames before they asked if it was me and if I remembered them. They weren't popular kids, i used to make fun of one of them here and there, I didn't recognize that one cuz he went from being 275 to being in good shape and having a big beard. I mentioned how i miss high school and he said, high school sucked everyone was an asshole. I thought about saying, "hey man, im sorry if i was ever a dick to you, i was an asshole back then and i've realized what i thought were harmless jokes back then were actually hurtful." Instead, i decided to stuff those emotions down with alcohol and offered to buy them a round (i was gunna grab a beer for me and my cuz anyway). The guy with the beard offered to buy me one instead, i tried to decline but he came with me anyway. So I ordered 2 beers and he insisted on paying, and took one of the beers. I finished mine and looked over at him and he barely touched his beer. I felt like I bullied him all over again (into paying for my drink and making him drink something he didn't want). We exchanged numbers so I really should hit him up and buy him a drink but I have no idea how to offer since we really never hung out back in the day and don't have anything in common. I haven't been bowling since in the off chance I will see them again
Mr_FoFu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend two hours wandering around the grocery store looking for chicken salad because I was too awkward to ask for help
Was staying the night at a friend's house during winter. He ended up falling asleep before me. We hadn't established sleeping arrangements for that night. The normal thing would have been to wake him up and ask for a spare blanket and pillow so I could sleep on a couch. Instead I slept on the floor at the foot of his bed, curled up in a ball with my winter jacket as a blanket.
In high school during the winter time I used to hold my breath from my car all the way to the front door because I didnโt want people to think I breathed too much since you could see my breath in the cold.
I used to live on a boat and the bathroom on the boat didn't work, so you would have to get up and walk 5 minutes anytime you had to shit or piss (and I felt bad about pissing in the ocean) so one day I had this chick sleeping next to me and it's like 6am and freezing cold outside and I had to piss really badly but didn't feel like getting up so I pissed where I was. I didn't realize how much piss I had in me though, minutes after the deed was done I was like "oh shit I hope this doesn't spread to her side of the bed" I hopped up fast & quietly to change and throw my piss stained boxers into the ocean then grabbed an extra blanket to throw over the wet spot then I start putting my weight on it so it would soak up the piss faster. She woke up 30 minutes later and I refused to move from that spot.
So I was staying overnight at a friends house, and I accidentally broke the towel rod in the bathroom. Instead of telling my friend, I popped the lens out of my glasses and told them that I accidentally broke my glasses and need to borrow their screwdriver set and I just fixed the towel rod (and my glasses).
Walking to the showers at a campground on a family vacation I passed by a campsite full of cute, older guys. They said hi and I blushed and walked faster. When I was done with my shower I realized I forgot new underwear, oh well. On my walk back I see my underwear lying in the road in front of the guys campsite. As I approach one of the guys says, โI think you dropped something there.โ I awkwardly replied, โOh, those arenโt mine...but Iโll take them anyways!โ and ran off with them. BECAUSE THATS SO MUCH BETTER.
When I was in elementary school, I went over to a friend's house and for some reason he wanted me to eat this awful beef jerky. When we were playing Xbox, I quickly jammed it into the couch because I didn't want to ask where the trash can was.
When a girl is glancing at me more than once i sometimes get off the public transport when she does or stay until she stays in hopes of some chat or flirt.
It always ends up with me staring at her butt while she walks ahead of me and im being late from everywhere
It was my first day at a new job. I work in a restaurant inside a casino and I didn't know my way around and got very lost. I went through a service door that led to and outdoor area that was also a dead end and the door locked behind me. I stood out there for twenty minutes hoping someone would come out there for a smoke because there were cigarette butts all over the ground. When someone finally came out it was the food and beverage director ( he was my bosses bosses boss). He asked me if I was on a smoke break and I panicked and said yeah. He offered me one and I couldn't come clean and be caught in a lie so I just smoked the cigarette. I'd never smoked one in my life. It was horrible.
I once walked into the wrong lecture hall and only after filling out the entire scantron form and looking at the first few problems, realized I was taking the wrong econ test. I was so embarrassed and nervous that I just tried my hardest for the entire test and turned it in afterwards.
The professor emailed me a few days later asking why I took that test and after explaining that I was basically just an idiot, I never heard from him again. Hope he got a good laugh out of it.
I went over to my friend's house after she had an appendectomy. I spilled sprite on the floor but instead of telling her or asking where I could get a towel, I soaked up the sprite with my sock.
was at a party the summer going into senior year. went out to my friends car a drunk called another friend of mine. didnโt realize the party was dead and everyone went to sleep. didnโt want to wake up the host to let me in so i slept in my friends car (it was cold that night) and fucked up my back.
I'm allergic to cats. My girlfriend had several. During sex I got a nosebleed and started dripping and she didn't say anything so I kept going. Eventually she turned on the lamp beside us and we sat awkwardly until I got up and went to the bathroom. She broke up with me.
When I was in highschool my girlfriend wanted Need for Speed: Underground 2 so I decided to go buy it from Gamestop for her birthday present. I spent half an hour searching for it and finally found it at the bottom of a "used" bin. I was so stoked that I went home to wrap it up only to discover it was a PS2 game and not for Xbox. I was too embarassed to return it and it collected dust in my closet for years. I ended up getting her a lotion and shampoo basket from Bath and Body works. I was fucking broke that summer.
Today I was walking a new student to the library to get his computer, and I said hi to everyone I could even the kids I didn't know the names, so I said " hey Ricardo, Stacy how you doing, Alex what's up"
I had a very obvious crush on this guy and we spent an entire summer hanging out almost all day every day. still, I was too awkward to directly tell him that I liked him. then I was too awkward to ask him why he stopped texting me or wanting to hang out. a few weeks later I FINALLY muster up the courage to be a normal human and directly be like "hey dude, I like you" and apparently he had already decided WEEKS EARLIER that we wouldn't work out and also decided not to let me know.
I canโt think of anything I personally did at, the moment I KNOW thereโs something.
Not me but when I was taking Driverโs Ed in high school, I sat beside this boy who I had a huge crush on. The training was like two or three weeks long, after school for a few hours. This boy and I would wait after training together for our parents to come get us, so once he went to check if his parents were there and I assumed he was leaving so I said โBye -name- , see you tomorrow!โ And he paused for a second and was like โBye LettuceWouldntFit!!โ And went outside.
It was early winter so it wasnโt terribly cold but it was still cold. My dad got there like ten minutes later, I went outside just as dudeโs parents pulled up and I see him trek through the snow by some treeโs to go to his parents car without looking at me. I felt really bad.
Tl;dr - not me but a boy I liked waited in the cold because I said Bye to him prematurely.
sexaddic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was born with a stammer and it's lead to some pretty awkward moments. One time I was trying to tell a girl I liked her. I'm awkward and shy anyway but when I tried to tell her I stammered and stumbled all over my words so she didn't understand a word I said. When she asked me to repeat it I just said "I really like toilets" apparently one part of my brain wanted to confess again while the other wanted to abort and ask something weird to get away. Sadly both responses mixed together into a weird and awkward mess. So I had stopped her on the walk home from school and told her about my apparent love for toilets. Fml.
Back in 7th grade first day of class everyone sat in single seat desks. I didn't know anyone in that class so I kept to myself. A few weeks in the teacher had arranged the room and instead of single seat desks he had long tables where we could sit in groups. A few days later a few single seat desks that the teacher had moved out were moved back for space else where. The teacher said we could move back to the single seat desk or just stay in our group setting. I thought a few people would move..... Nope. Just I. I stood up all by myself in front of the class and moved to a single desk whilst everyone else stayed at the group arrangement. I'm sure I was very red. I felt the heat coming off my back in embarrassment.
jonysc1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My in laws live-in a farm, one day we arrived at their house as a surprise (it's a 10 hour drive) early in the morning , my wife went straight to bed and I was dying to take dump so went straight to the first bathroom I could find.
Their house has a weird layout, the bathrooms are far from the bedrooms, and the house is mostly empty for 11 months so they only use one bathroom, and it was not the one I was doing my business, so the TP roll had just a tiny bit of paper on it.
So with my wife in the land of dreams and both my in laws roaming around the house I was not about to call out for help, I thought about sacrificing some non critical pieces of clothing to the poop God but I'm 100 sure they would notice a poop stained boxers or socks in the can (South American here)
So I used my creativity and macgeyvered some tp from what was available , I took the roll dismantled it, peeled the cardboardy looking paper and used that,
But it wasn't enought so I procured a sealed box of soap, those that come in a square box wrapped in some silky paper stuff, I took the box and dismantled it. The box wouldn't peel like the roll so I used the hard cardboard to further help the cleaning process and finished with the soft paper that wrapped the soap for a surprisingly soft and perfumed finale
My asshole never felt so many different sensations in a day
I was in line to get some food with my aunt after my sisterโs ceremony for Spanish honors society. I was wearing a jacket that had its right pocket open, so stuff would fall right through.
As Iโm awkwardly trying to get some food I notice my food dropped my phone that was in that pocket. My aunt realizes, but I donโt want to go back because of the line of people behind me. She started getting annoyed by how stupid I was being for not going back and picking up my phone, but I really insisted on not getting t because my crush was a few feet behind me and I didnโt want to bend down and look for my phone for wherever it was. In the end, the phone was only a few feet away from where I was haha
I'm an amateur driveway mechanic. When I my first oil change on my car by myself, I was terrified to buy the filter. I thought that I wouldn't know answers to questions they had or would judge me for not knowing as much as other customers about cars. Turns out they were very helpful and patient with me and I got over it very quick.
I work in a school, and the other teachers and I all went out to lunch after a professional development. There was a bowl of edamame. I thought they were sugar snap peas so I was trying to eat them with shells on. I succeeded...but it was disgusting. I realized my mistake after a few edamames....but I was too awkward to stop eating them like that because I didn't want to admit my mistake.
al-why ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I still do to this day. If I'm at a restaurant and someone with me or even around me orders something, I, for some reason, absolutely MUST order something different. I take an extra five minutes looking at menus than everyone else because I have to have fifty backup orders in case everything else is taken. All of this would probably be solved if I would just order first.
In middle school, I was extremely shy. So shy, that one day at lunch when I forgot a spoon, I made one out of the foil that had been used to wrap something else in order to avoid getting up and walking to the lunch line and risk people seeing me and think I was cutting in line.
Arithik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I moved to a new school and it was in the middle of the semester or whatever. When it came time for gym class, I just went to the bathroom during that time. I showed up once the first day, but I was so shy, and no teacher was around so I said screw it. The whole year, when it came that time, right to the bathroom. It was odd, too. The teacher that ran gym also taught my Science class. It turned out alright, I got an A for gym.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was in a public bathroom for some reason it got crowded and there was a line behind me waiting to get paper towels. The pressure was too much for me so I rolled out some paper towels and left without using them.
First day in the cafeteria as a freshman in college. I was holding a whole tray of lunch and beverage in one hand while trying to open a bread drawer located low below my knees. Spilled the whole tray in the bread drawer. Just closed it and left.
vVvMaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but I had a friend visit me once and she took a shower while I was out and realized she didn't have a towel. So instead of asking me where a towel was, she just stood naked in the bathroom until she air dried.
I went to a grade-wide social gathering in high school at a house I'd never been to, and before I went up to the door, I texted my mom to ask her if it's normal to knock on the door or just go in
In grade one all the toilets were taken and so were the urinals and I didnโt wanna be excluded from the class pee so I peed right into a garbage can.
16 year old me went with a couple of friend and my girlfriend at the time to a no name underground screamo concert which was not my scene but I went regardless. Part way through the second bands set the lead singer sees me standing there 6 feet tall and motionless infront of the mosh, right next to the stage. So in an effort to try and get me amped or something, he grabs my shirt and screeches whatever lyrics in to my face. Our faces were inches away from each other and the mic even closer, so my inner 4 year old too over and so I blew a raspberry in the mic and his face. Apparently my friend, who was in the bathroom during this experience, though someone had gently farted into the microphone.
At the end of summer right before middle school, we had a school camping trip including a dip in a lake. Teachers say anyone who canโt swim has to wear a life jacket. I canโt swim, so I grab a vest and do some floating around. For some unknown reason, the girl I have a crush on and some other kids I donโt know that well wander over and ask, in some level of disbelief, if I canโt swim. I answer awkwardly, โof course I do, itโs just relaxing to float.โ
The next week, first day of PE, the teachers ask all students who canโt swim to step forward so they can get swimming lessons separately. Bad luck, I have PE with my crush. Remembering what Iโd said at the lake, I donโt step forward to protect the lie. Somehow, amazingly, I manage to get through PE that year while โforgettingโ my swim suit whenever we have aquatics and still pass the course. Downside is I didnโt learn to swim for several more years after that.
At work I got on the elevator to take my bike up to my office. Forgot to press the button for my floor. So when we passed my floor and stopped at another floor, I just got out and carried my bike all the way down the staircase to my office to avoid having to wait inside the elevator with other people while it went all the way up and back down
I was looking through my camera role to show some vacation pictures, and the split second before I switched from camera roll to the album I was looking for, the guy behind me saw my nudes and freaked out. The normal thing probably would've been to just ignore that it happened but he had dated a friend of mine who showed me some pictures of him. I tried to make him feel less weird about it and the first I said was "it's okay, now we're even cause I've seen your penis"
Was not the right thing to say...
r3kRu1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Skipped lunch in high school because i cannot eat alone with other people in the same room
When I was a dumb kid my cousin closed a car door on my hand. Instead of saying something I calmly climbed out of the window which luckily was down, and opened the door from the outside releasing my crushed hand. I held back tears the entire time, I have no idea why or how I did that.
When someone is talking to you because he knows who you are and you're just sitting there trying to remember his/her name. And you're just saying yes awkwardly laughing etc
tarceth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college I was running late to class, so I threw on some clothes and swished an excessive mouthwash as I ran out the door and down the sidewalk. A car pulled over beside me, rolled down the window, and some parents of a potential student asked me which way to the such-and-such building, which happened to be on the other side of campus.
Instead of spitting the mouthwash out and excusing myself for being a normal college student, I swallowed it and gave them directions. This was a poor choice on my part, especially not having eaten that morning...
The other day I ended a conversation with a friend with "I ate a burrito for lunch earlier and I really have to go to the bathroom" instead of just saying that I had to go, because I didn't want her to think I wasn't interested in her explanation on baking bread and all of the kitchenware that she just bought. She pointed it out too, "you could've just said that you had to go hahaha.."
When I was 8 I forgot I had a soccer practice after school so I didn't tell my mom she needed to pick me up, but I decided to go anyway. I didn't have a phone back then so to call her meant I would have to explain what happened to my coach. Instead of doing that, after practice was over I just waved to my coach I was leaving and tried to walk 12 miles back to my house. I didn't even make a mile before my mom had heard and drove in to find me walking along the side of the road.
marsden7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm taking a dump and someone knocks on the stall, I lean forward as much as I can and sumo-shuffle towards the door so I can knock instead of grunting or talking or whatever.
ModKate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to feel embarrassed when I ate anyone else's food. So I had a sleep over when j was like 10 and didn't eat anything the whole team. Except the one time there were dinosaur shapes nuggets and I snuck them into the tree house and ate them there.
I was at my friend's house and her mom was about to drop me back home. My friend had just given me some weird gum she got during her visit to Japan. I sat in the car and put it in my mouth and it immediately melted and started sticking to my mouth. It tasted disgusting. Instead of asking my friend's mom to run back home and spit it out, I took it out of my mouth and figured I'd just hold it in my hand the entire time. Unlike regular gum, this gum was a sticky mf. Before I knew it, both of my hands were covered with gum that refused to come off. My friend's mom asks us to buckle up before she started driving and I awkwardly grabbed the seatbelt, trying to prevent the gum from sticking to it and ruining their car. I couldn't actually buckle it in all the way because of the gum being literally everywhere oh my hands so I held the belt by my side the entire drive with only the tips of two of my fingers pretending it was on so I don't get yelled at by my friend's mom or ruin her car.
One time in middle school my friend was grounded, so no friends over, but his mom didn't normally get home until 6. So we were illegally hanging out and his mom comes home early, so naturally I hide in the closet and my friend says he'll try to distract her so I can leave. About 15 minutes go by and I hear his mom come into the room, cleaning or something. She opens the door to the closet, screams, then realizes it's me and just tells me to go home. Queue awkward walk away.
For the first three and half years of my fiancรฉ and iโs relationship I managed to somehow avoid addressing his parents directly, because they never told me how they prefer to be addressed, there were definitely a few awkward moments and I could have totally handled that better.
I clogged a toilet at a friend of a friendโs house. They were kindly letting us spend the night on a cycling backpacking trip. I looked everywhere for the plunger. (We stayed in their basement) I still couldnโt find it. I then proceeded to do the unspeakable and put my arm way up into the toilet to loosen up the turds. It kinda worked but my arm smelled like shit for the remainder for the trip. Good times
Literally yesterday, wanted to go into the shared kitchen at my work to retrieve my food from the microwave, saw someone else through the slightly translucent door and instead went to the bathroom, because I couldn't go back to my office or it'd look weird when I came back without my food. I waited in there listening for the kitchen door for about 3 minutes before it clicked that they could be waiting for the person to collect their food from the microwave as it was finished. Finally I just decided to go in, when exactly as I open the door, they come out, and we both opened the door at the same time.
In short, tried to avoid a slightly awkward kitchen meeting, instead found myself in a significantly more awkward kitchen scuffle.
For clarification, the kitchen is about 2 people large.
I was travelling to Germany for the first time. I flew into Frankfurt and had to take the train to Bochum. The loudspeaker said "next stop, Bochum" and an elderly couple got up and walked over to the door and so I followed suit. The door opened and the elderly couple didn't move and so I just stood there and the doors closed.I guess they were getting themselves ready for the stop after Bochum but I was too nervous to say "excuse me" so I had to get off at the next stop and explain I messed up in a English and they put me back on another train. This could have gone so badly as I was meeting someone in Germany and had no phone number cause I was young and dumb.
I went to a water park with my 3 friends and 1 of their mom. When we were leaving, everyone else had already gotten in and i was laying my towel down in my seat to not get it soaked. She didbt realize and started to drive away and ran over my toes. The problem was, she stopped the car when she realized i wasn't in yet, but stopped so the car was on my foot. It didnt hurt too much, but i was stuck. Everyone was laughing and talking for a bit with each other and making fun if the mom. I was too shy to say anything. Then they all looked at me and asked why I hadnt gotten in yet. I just kinda looked down and went, "I cant get in, my foot is under the car tire"
Cue my frinds mom hystsrically crying as she backs up off my foot and they drive me to the emergecy room. Bruised my foot but otherwise A-Okay. My friends still get pissed when they ask why I didnt say anything. I just felt bad her mom had to drive me to the hospital tbh.
Held my pee for 10 hours during a flight, cause I had a window seat and the people seating in the next two seats fell asleep as soon as we took off. Regret not taking the opportunity during meal time..
Held my pee for 10 hours during a flight, cause I had a window seat and the people seating in the next two seats fell asleep as soon as we took off. Regret not taking the opportunity during meal time..
Rhy_s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in my first grade of school lots of kids were asking to go to the bathroom so the teacher set the rule that no one else it to go to the toilet unless they were really busting. Me being the shy person I am and not wanting to be that kid who was really busting, was too scared to tell the teacher and the whole class that I was really busting, so I decided to pee my pants.
nsweezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time i was shipping a package, I was specifically told by my father to get insurance for a $50 value enclosed in the package. I walked in and asked for normal shipping and no insurance because I didnโt want the UPS people to ask about what was in the box. The next week we found out it was lost in shipping and we didnโt get money back because it wasnโt insured.
Grade 1 or so. Walking down the hallway at school when my first crush starts walking down the other end of the hallway in my direction. The only people in the hallway were us and two teachers that were having a conversation on the left side of the hallway. I don't know why but I panicked and swerved wide to avoid pretty girl and walked right in between the two teachers, who were standing pretty close to each other, and I basically shoulder-checked both of them. Got in trouble for that one.
I broke my arm / had stitches in 4th grade but was too shy/ embarrassed / nervous to tell my classmates and teachers, so I wore a sweatshirt every day and kept it a secret. I did PE every day and just awkwardly avoided using both arms. We were playing tunnel tag one day (like freeze tag but when you are tagged you are frozen and someone has to crawl under your legs to unfreeze you). I was pretty fast, and one of the only people not frozen. Everyone kept calling my name to unfreeze them and I would pretend like I didn't hear and keep running around because I couldn't crawl. I remember making eye contact with someone and just looking away. Everyone was so confused. I was also the shy girl so it just solidified that
Note, I had super relaxed parents who didn't think to write me a note
Went to a gas pump on the correct side of my car, second guessed myself then went to a pump on the other side. Got out, realized my mistake and drove home to try and save face.
conkellz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was talking to a girl at a music festival, I asked he name and she almost threw up. I immediately said "hello, barf noise"
My friend still gives me shit about it.
Uh ... i went to the bathroom stall during my lunch period because i didn't want to sit in a big hall filled with people and that was an unusual, new thing for me at that time. When someone came in i just played a fart noise with my phone but only after they noticed me.
I did this for the first half of my stay in the U.S.A. ...
TL;DR - Immigrant here, never used a whipped cream canister; threw a thanksgiving party and waited ten minutes watching everyone use it to figure it out, couldn't, looked like an idiot, tried to pretend I didn't want it anyways.
So a little background - I immigrated to Canada quite a few years ago, and my family is originally from a south asian country. I lived in 5 different countries before moving here, but somehow never used a can of whipped cream before a Thanksgiving party that my (then) girlfriend and I had at our place. So it's time for dessert (pumpkin pie) and everyone is using the whipped cream canister and getting beautiful piles of whipped goodness on their pie, while I'm standing in a corner watching them, trying to figure out how the hell they operate the canister, not wanting to ask for fear of looking like an idiot. Finally it gets to a point where I can't delay it any further so I go for it, only to be dumbfounded by the lack of a button to press, so I try to pretend that I didn't want it anyways, but just end up looking like an idiot as I waited ten minutes to get the damned whipped cream in the first place.
My girlfriend (now wife) is from here and was unaware that I had never used a whipped cream can before, and finds this story hilarious.
LTailsL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchased a large amount of sandwiches by accident and became temporarily Reddit famous before soiling my fame in a blaze of shit posts/edits.
I used to be in a boot camp/cadet program. We slept outside in sleeping bags and in the middle of the night I wake up with an urge to use the restroom. Not wanting to wake up the officer or the other kids, I peed in the sleeping bag and layed in my own piss until the morning when they had to hose me down.
I ran for President as a joke to sell books and start a media network and they elected me.
O5Beta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've sat in a stall for over 20 Mins because I didn't want to rip ass in front of the guy in the other stall. Ive also flushed the toilet 5+ times so I can rip ass with the sound of the toilet flushing. Its a good tip lol
I refused to wear a jacket in the cold because I had just bought the jacket and didn't want to wear it out in the open because I hadn't seen if it fit me well at home yet and didn't want to risk looking dumb.
I didn't leave my apartment for 6 months( then left without a word because I was scared of talking to my roommates about important things and going outside for job interviews. I do go out once a week or so for shopping but it was always the same store. It didn't help that I was basically alone in a new city but ughh.
Got in an elevator with a girl a couple weeks ago and she had headphones in, so I thought she was listening to music. She doesn't look at me and says "have a good day" as she's getting off the elevator as I then realize she's on the phone with someone, but that wasn't enough time for me to try to say "you too" which came out as me saying "yih"
KellyJTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in third grade I had to take a leak really badly. The class was almost over so I decided to hold it in. After a while I couldn't hold it in so I just asked the teacher if I could go.
I had just closed the classroom door and instantly peed myself and a kid I knew saw me and told me to tell the teacher. I didn't and instead waited until I got home soaked in piss.
My driving instructor pronounces my name wrong. Both my sisters and my brother have tried subtlety correcting him. This didn't work and he still calls me suckdev every time I run into him. I've just accepted it now.
Sat in my room for 50 minutes with a face mask on because I was too awkward to go to the bathroom and wash it off because I might have been seen by my housemates.
Spanish class in high school. I wasn't paying attention and I was/am horrible at Spanish. The teacher asked a question in Spanish and we were to go around the classroom and answer in Spanish. The question was something along the lines of "Are you going to Homecoming this weekend, and are you bringing a date?" I thought the question was something like "What are you doing this weekend?" Well that weekend was my younger sister's Bat Mitzvah! So I answered something along the lines of doing something with my sister and family. The entire class started giving me strange looks, but I just went with it and talked about my sister and family. After the question passed on to the next person, one of my friends whispered to me "you are taking your sister and family with you to Homecoming?" .......oops
Iโm a twin and more than a few times, Iโm ashamed to admit, I was called by my sisterโs name and just didnโt correct them because they had already started in on whatever they were going to say and it just felt like too awkward to correct them after a certain amount of hesitation. I would nod and smile and go along with it and just pretend to be her. She does the same thing sometimes. Weโre a mess
For some reason as a kid I mixed up left and right a lot. I was getting a ride home from my friend's mom and she asked "right or left" and I said left instead of right. Obviously I couldn't admit the mistake like a normal person, and proceeded to make up a bunch of random directions, growing more and more anxious with each turn, until I picked a house at random and got out. She talked a lot about how nice the area was and how it must be nice to live there, etc, etc. The house ended up being further away than my friend's house was to my own, and I walked the whole distance.
This ended up compounding because I then started to avoid that friend after school, for fear of my lie being exposed.
Watching Reckful and Soda do their IRL stream in Japan. You get a lot of examples :P
Syncite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk back home from school because I get anxious or something to take the truck back home filled with kids I am not familiar with. It was a 1-2 hour walk in a country of permanent summer weather and I'd rather do that than talk to people I guess.
I once knew a guy who couldnโt poop unless if he was completely naked. So one time when he was at work, the power went out and he had to poop. so he went into the dark warehouse at his work, stripped down and shit in a cardboard box and then proceeded to carry the box around all day until he could properly dispose of it.
I used to work at Arby's. I was fetching the cookies and turnovers from the walk-in freezer, and the door shut. This was normal. Well, when I went to open the door from inside with the little button thing, the door was stuck. Instead of kicking it, knocking, or shouting for my shift manager, I decided to just sit there thinking that maybe someone would come looking or come get something from the freezer. It was five whole minutes before I called the store and pathetically asked for someone to let me out of the freezer.
artetak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got stuck in a dressing room at Target.
Climbed out from under the stall and very quickly left.
Jumped through a second story window onto an outside roof because I was drunk as piss and mad that everyone in front of me were too chicken to climb out. Turned out fine, except I tore open an old scar on my leg and bled a little. I then helped everyone else out.
Also, insisting I walk home at 4 am in the middle of the night, when I lived across town which was 4 miles because I didnโt want to inconvenience anyone by crashing at their place or having a sober person have to drive me. I do this one a lot.
Before I worked at my job, there was apparently a guy who looked like me but with dreads. All the old ladyโs that come through here think that Iโm the guy.
They usually start conversation with me and by the time I realize theyโre mistaking me for him I just go along with it and tell them I had to cut the dreads.
So from time to time I have to pretend Iโm some guy Iโve never met because Iโm in too deep to turn back.
When I was 5, I was playing in a pool with my siblings while my grandma watched us. At some point, I really had to go to the bathroom, but I was too awkward to ask my grandma. I shit myself in a hotel pool. It probably was closed for a whole day or two after that, but my parents didn't stick around to find out and we switched hotels.
Back when I was in school, I didn't eat the whole day, so there was a lot of gas in my stomach that I needed to fart out. In between classes, I felt the urge to take a shit, so as soon as I sat on the toilet seat, I released it.
Not just my poo, my anus let out a 15 second, musically screaming beat boxing train of poo and air. I tried so hard keep it soft because there were these two girls outside and they sounded like my classmates, but they were gossiping and heard the noise, which led them to openly talk about it too. Mortified, I didn't get out until they left, but girls can take forever when they're gossiping in the toilet.
I once got all muddy while paying in the yard of a friends house when I was nine. My friends step mom wanted me to take a shower before I went home so my mom wouldn't be mad at her. She walked me into the bathroom with a fresh towel showed me where the soap was and all that and walked out. I felt so awkward about the idea of showering at a friends house that I just snuck out and walked home.
I was 12 and my dad and I were bringing groceries back for my grandpa who had early Alzheimers. My dad hands me the bag of ice and tells me to put it in the freezer downstairs. The freezer is really old, 70s maybe. The freezer was covered by snow and ice shit and the bag of ice wouldn't fit. I naturally went completely braindead and put the ice in the fridge instead. A few hours later, my whole family is gathered downstairs, standing over a massive puddle of water, the old family fridge totally destroyed. They ask what happened and I say the worst thing of my life.
"It was probably grandpa. I asked him to do it and he must have had an episode."
So much shame. Why didn't I just say it was me instead of throwing my poor grandpa with brain deterioration under the bus?
It happened again, too. I accidentally put these weird cloth placemats on the table instead of napkins. My uncle asks who set the table, joking about how they fucked up the napkins. Embarrassed, I said my grandad did it. Throughout the whole dinner, my uncle quietly cracked jokes with me, saying the napkins "kept wagons covered on the Oregon trail" and things like that, thinking I was in on the joke. I just sat there and took it, stewing in guilt as my uncle essentially humiliated me without knowing.
I once ordered a chocolate ice cream cone from the ice cream truck guy and he was on the phone and he gave me a vanilla cone and when I opened my mouth to say that isnโt what I want because I donโt like vanilla, I said thank you and ate it
OOH i got one that happened yesterday! I was doing laundry in my apartment which is the floor below me. On my way back up, I decided to take the stairs because the elevators take forever. What I didn't know, is that the doors are all locked from the outside, except the first floor(im on the 19th). So I'm now trapped in the stairwell and since I have a cold I'm not in the mood to walk 19 flights of stairs. I see a girl come out of her room but was stupidly too awkward to knock and have her let me in. I, instead, waited about 20 mins, missing my only chance before my buddy came up to open it for me
A few weeks ago I started getting off the after school bus at a different stop so I could get home faster, turns out I have a shitty sense of direction/distance so it actually takes a minute or two longer than getting off at my actual stop. Rather than accept I made the mistake that one time, I continue to get off at the wrong stop and speed-walk to my house before my bus can pass me because I feel too damn awkward to admit to my mistake and just get off at the right stop :)
For some reason, when I spent the night with a girl after watching movies together, I thought that that I should leave my jeans on and go right to sleep.
In my defense, I may have been drinking, and we have now been married for 10 years. She also still makes fun of me.
Sat smiling silently on a 12 hour flight while a nice Dutch couple sat next to me talking and laughing nonstop. It should be noted I am blonde haired blue eyed American and do not speak a word of Dutch, but I had no Idea what to say or do besides nod occasionally which only seemed to encourage them more.
Mispronounced a word, instead of ignoring it like a logical person I proceeded to somehow mix said word with all the other words in my sentence. Girl I was talking to thought I was having a stroke
Already posted but just remembered another, worse one. When I was young (like 5/6 years old) I had a friend that lived waaaay out in the boondocks and I always got nervous when I spent the night because it was really far from home (once we watched movies on the drive back when those dvd players that are on the back of the seat were a new thing, we watched the entire Aquamarine movie with time left over), and also the mom was pretty strict. Not like "what are you doing" every 5 seconds strict, but like "I told you to play outside, come inside this house one more goddamn time and I'll beat your ass" strict.
When she told us to go to bed, it meant we could not leave that room for the rest of the night, for any reason. If we were quite enough we could do what we wanted, but one time we broke a table and man was that a loud speech we got. This particular time, I had to pee really, really bad. I was far to old for accidents at this point, but I was about to have one. My friend and I conferred, and decided it would not be a good idea to leave her bedroom and go to the actual bathroom, despite it being directly across the hallway from her bedroom. So I peed in the trashcan. And the next morning when it got thrown away, the bag was leaking. We did not tell her what happened.
Me an underclassman goes to do a football workout over break like we're supposed to. I went earlier then my friends just to get it over with. I put my phone in the corner and workout. Halfway through seniors come in and for some reason pick up my phone. I instantly knew what was happening. "Is this yours?" Ahhhhh no. They spent a good minute laughing at my wallpaper of a chicken nugget shaped perfectly like a revolver. Instead of owning my lie, I spent an extra 30 minutes to an hour destroying my muscles waiting for them to leave.
Vhyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not mine, but where's that classic greentext about the guy who didn't want to get caught for driving drunk when he was pulled over, so he stabbed himself with his own knife instead.
Kyle918 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever did that thing where you and someone going towards you in a hallway keep moving the same way trying to get past each other? I did that crossing the road but instead of another person it was a FedEx truck.
Kapuman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend told me that she got approved to have an emotional support dog in her dorm room, and without thinking I blurted out "Cool, what do you need it for?"
Iโve committed to having a glass of orange squash with a spoon of coffee in it by mistake at work on a break. I worked on the checkouts and in the staff room being dosey I automatically put coffee in with it.
Most people wouldโve owned up to the mistake and got another, however my retarded brain led me to thinking people would judge me for the mistake thereby making just drinking the horrid concoction a better alternative.
No one saw, however it wasnโt a pleasant blend.
theb1g ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife is West Indian and said throw down the laundry. Meaning take it downstairs from our second floor apartment for her to pick up. She waits about ten minutes before coming upstairs to see some trying to get a 60lbs laundry bag out of the window.
Around '91 or so my aunt/uncle/cousins were visiting. I invited one of my cousins to play double dragon at the local Great Scott. It was a short trip, less than 5 minutes. I had two bikes so we both rode over there. Right as we got to the front of the building my cousin was behind me and said "check this out!"... He was looking at me and wasn't paying attention to the handicapped sign and ran right into it. He hit this thing hard, folks. It made a loud banging sound and then the sign kept wobbling back and forth. He starting crying and screaming so I quickly rode back to the house to let my parents know. I get back to the house and they are all on the back patio having a conversation, so I let them talk for a few minutes and my mom said, "you look concerned, is everything OK?". I simply replied, "No... Ryan hit a handicapped sign riding over and he's hurt really bad. He's on the ground crying and screaming." A blank stare from my dad, mom, aunt and uncle for a second then they all get up and go help him. Later on my parents asked me why I waited to say anything and I just simply said I didn't want to interrupt them talking.
Not me but my brother.
He has his regional managers and other bosses on his fb. One day he writes a status that he's won some huge jackpot at the casino (it was a joke, never happened) but the managers are replying saying "wow! Lucky, congrats" etc.
Brothers too awkward to admit to them it was a lie so he begs my sister to reply on his status saying that she "hacked his fb and wrote it."
She refuses.
So he writes another status himself saying that his fb was hacked by his sister and she tricked people into thinking he'd won money.
He's like 32.
One night I was coming home late from soccer practice or some such thing and I hopped on the bus from the subway to my house. I promptly fell asleep. I woke up bleary eyed and confused, and I didn't recognize where I was. Instinctively, I pulled the cord to call for a stop so that I wouldn't have too far to walk back to my house. It was at this moment that I realized the bus hadn't even gotten one block away from the subway station. Too embarrassed to talk to the bus driver and explain, I just got off the bus as if I had only wanted to ride half a block and then walked the 40 minute walk home.
Additional thought that I only just realized all of these years later: it would have been faster for me to walk back to the subway, wait for the next bus, and ride home, but I didn't even think to do that either.
nitro149 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I go back home for holidays people confuse me as one of my two brothers. I will carry on a conversation because I feel awkward telling them I'm not the person who they think I am.
I had one piece of chewing gum left and a complete stranger came up to me and asked me if he could have one . . . naturally I gave him the last one.
samylam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A little late here, but when I was ~10 my grandfather was in town and sleeping on the couch in the living room. I needed to pee, but didn't want to wake him up, so instead, I peed into a bin full of toys. Commence two weeks of cleaning the bin whenever my parents weren't home to get rid of the smell so they wouldn't find out.
Last week I walked passed an old university friend who I haven't seen in about 10 years. Instead of stopping and catching up I just awkwardly pretended to look like I was in a hurry and yelled "I have things to do, catch up soon!" Again, haven't seen her in 10 years.
Also yesterday I took a 30minute detour home from work so I didn't have to stop at the traffic lights next to my co-worker. I'm actually really good friends with them too.
fox-eyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a girl scout when I was in elementary school. The first time we went legit camping there was a latrine that we had to use. I had never used one before and it scared the daylight out of me. The hole freaked and grossed me out, I was afraid of spiders and bugs that could be hiding in there, and it was even freakier at night. Well, I don't remember how long it had been, must've been just the first whole day, I straight up avoided using the bathroom. We had finished dinner and everyone was in line for the latrine and I kept moving to the back of the line. Eventually everyone went and left and I was too freaked out to go in. I pissed my pants standing right in front of the latrine. My leader was so mad at me.
When I was 7 I was with my family, picking up one of my grandmother's friends from the airport. She had these really weird bags, it had some strap like a bungee cord, and occasionally it would slip and pinch your hand.
I got pinched by my bag a few times, we'd have to stop and she'd have to rearrange these straps. It seemed like such a big hassle, my mom would huff and complain, I stopped saying anything. My fingers were getting the life squeezed out of them. We finally get to the car, this lady sees what my fingers looked like and figured out what was up. She freed my fingers, winked, and slipped a $10 in my pocket. My older brother got a $5, so it was obviously worth it.
I was at a store getting groceries. I noticed the cashier was a childhood friend that would hang out with me and my siblings all the time. I didn't feel like saying hi or catching up, plus it might've been awkward so I acted like I "forgot" something and got another loaf of bread and went to another line.
I went to a coworkers house for a party he was having for his 1 year old daughter. This was the first time Iโve ever been to his house or met any of his family. When I got there his grandmother started crying and saying David! David! I said yeah because my name is David ( keep in mind Iโve never met her) well my co worker failed to tell me his brother is named David and looked almost exactly like me. The family hadnโt seen him or heard much from him Since he moved to Colorado 5 years ago. So i acted like David her favorite grandson for about 3 hours. She was so happy.
REALLY had to pee at a baseball game as a kid. We were winning so the coach put a noob on the pitcher's mound. He didn't just walk everybody, they got full counts, too. It took forever. I was waiting for the inning to change because I thought if I called a timeout everyone would see me run to the bushes. Instead, a kid hit a pop-fly ball, and in the excitement I lost my Bruce Wayne-ish willpower to hold it, and started peeing like crazy in my pants by second base. I screamed time out and ran to my mom. "Take me home!" The coach came by "What's wrong?" I burned a hole into the back of my mom's head with my laser eyes. "Take me home... I need to change..." I heard parents laughing as we left and was sure they saw the stream that went though my baseball pants AND underwear and was openly streaming onto the field. Somehow, though, nobody ever mentioned it. Coach thought I hurt myself or something, probably until he smelled it.
Gyarydos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explaining why it took slightly longer for me to answer the phone
San_Ra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firstly im a guy. Hugged a guy whom I hadn't seen in years and wasn't a good friend with to start with. Most awkward not even bro hug. Cuz well who shakes hands
Went to a wedding social on the other end of town when I damn well should have known I wouldn't know a single solitary soul. Then tried to get a cab home...on New Year's Eve.
Yes, it took fucking forever. You bet your ass I felt like an awkward moron the whole time.
So between the ages of 16 and 18 I dated this girl. The entire time we were together all her friends thought I was the coolest turd in the bowl. It got to the point where her older sister who was mid 20s (whom I had a secret crush on... Or I just wanted to do dirty things to her) would invite us to her friends house parties. Well on a big college football night there was a good number of people there. Various ages between 17-30 (don't ask) and we were in the kitchen playing ride the bus and asshole. Hottest chick the house kept giving me blatant looks from across the table, as my gf wasn't sitting right next to me. My move was to drink the girls beer thinking she would get pissed and leave me alone. This was not successful as a week later my gfs best friend invited me to a party as it was my birthday. Same chick is at the party, dancing on the table drunk, sees me say happy birthday and whips her tits out and puts the beer she was drinking between them and says, "try and take this one." Again as if my gf wasn't right there. Fast forward some years. GF and I long apart. Hot chick says it's her b-day and wanted to hang out with me. I roll her way we get drinks, very chill platonic hangout. I drop her off, but I see her ex outside. I had known he put hands on her in the past. I drive off. Then my Captain Dumbass powers kick in, and I loop around the block and drive by again doing like 40 in the 25.... It felt cool for like .5 seconds... Then I immediately wanted to be invisible for the rest of eternity.
I watch porn because I am way to awkward to meet a real woman.
iTheOwl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I Took the elevator from the basement (1st?) to the 9th floor because I didnโt want to be judged for taking it one level, and I waited too long to pick a closer floor, so I went all the way up to the 9th, pretended to leave like everyone else and caught the elevator back down. I take the stairs now lol.
When I was in 3rd grade, my class and I were about to take a test. My teacher announced that once the test started, we couldnโt leave the room. I had to pee but I decided I could wait.
When I got the test, I sat there for 10 minutes squirming with my legs clinched shut. I couldnโt even focus on the test. Instead of asking to go to the bathroom, I let it all out. I pissed myself in my seat. Raised my hand, told my teacher what happened and got sent down to the office. I still remember that pool of urine that was in my seat afterwards.
When I was in 6th grade, I spent the night at my โboyfriendโsโ house. He had three younger sisters, and one had their own room. His mother told me I could sleep in her room for the night. I slept on the floor because I thought his sister was still in bed and I didnโt want to sleep in the bed with her. I found our early the next morning that she wasnโt even in the bedroom and that I had slept on the floor for no reason.
BCA1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on the jungle gym in elementary school and didn't see some kid swinging on the bars. He ended up swinging into my stomach with enough force to send me flying off the damned thing.
I hit my head pretty hard on the ground right when I realized that the kick I took to the abdomen ended up sending a torrent of leaky shit down my legs.
So there I was, in the schoolyard, unconscious and covered in shit.
Just yesterday - took my dog to the park to go for a walk. There is an older woman with her dog getting out of their car at the same time; dogs sniff butts, we do the "blah blah how old/what breed is your dog" bullshit. We notice both dogs are eating something from the ground so we rush over to stop them. She pulls a burger wrapper from her dog, I assume my dog had something similar, so I pry open his mouth and scoop out what he had. It was a golf-ball sized piece of soft shit, and it was now on my hand.
I didn't want to be all like "GROSS I HAVE FUCKING SHIT ON MY HAND" and get right back in my car and leave... so I was just like "welp have a good day!" and then walked my dog into the park, with a poopy hand.
I told a potential room mate (to whom I had already paid a $300 deposit) that I was pregnant and "things are just so in the air right now," just to avoid explaining that I hadn't researched the neighborhood well enough beforehand. Edited to include that I then let them keep the deposit.
Grandy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gave money to a scam artist who was obviously scamming me but I didn't want to cause a scene.
I had a similar thing happen to me with someone I thought was my friend. I wanted to be friends with him so I never called him out but Iโm positive he scammed me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
everything in this thread. ive done it all. except the pooping in a box one, what's wrong with you dude
My best friend once asked a girl out on Kahoot ( basically a quiz game for kids ) in 6th grade. That girl is still friends with us. Yes he was dumb and desperate.
Walked into Spanish class, this kid and I grab the same desk.
We just stare at each other for a solid minute before I mutter "whatever" under my breath and let it go just before this girl in my class assigned study group breaks out in laughter (over that)
I got dressed and left for work where I wear a uniform, only to realise I wasn't working that day before I got there. Instead of going home, I wandered around aimlessly for a bit. Saw my supervisor, who already thought I was weird, and the next day I go into work and get asked "[supervisor] saw you yesterday in your uniform" and I should've made a joke and said I forgot I wasn't working but instead I started talking gibberish and walked away.
When I was 12 I was playing with my friend and his younger cousin. I forgot exactly what we were doing because my mind probably repressed it but I was on the ground pretending to be knocked out n she had the get back to me n I slightly rolled towards her. She stepped n tripped backwards then hit a vertebra on the corner of a hard piece of wood furniture. She then started crying pretty hard cuz I'm sure that hurt like a sum bitch. I panicked so hard I jus continued to act like I was knocked out n after about 20 long seconds my friend softly said 'dude, what are you doing?' So I jumped up real quick n passively watched, not saying a word, wishing I was dead, while him n his sister tended to her. I still feel the feels from that moment when I think about it.
I wrote a letter to a guy with drawings and stuff saying I liked him instead of just talking to him , the letter came across creepy cause I'm socially awkward.
Triivii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got my hand caught in a sliding glass door between the glass wall and the door being open. My family had already made their way back to the car and didn't notice but I was stuck in the sensor area so the door wouldn't close and let me out. Hurt like crazy and I was only 12 so when a couple walked out past me I was too embarrassed so I acted normal like nothing was wrong and I was just leaning against the glass wall instead of asking for help and stayed stuck for another 5 minutes before it finally closed.
In high school, I put my hands between my legs, basically cupping my vag, and peed on them because I thought my extremely long and forceful pee was being too loud (and, of course, as awkward-logic dictates: hands will buffer the sound somehow!). I had been holding my pee all day and it was getting painful, so I had to go full force mostly. I only did the hand thing because I the only other girl who was in the bathroom with me (saw her on my way into my stall) was this girl I secretly idolized and I had no clue how long she was going to be in there. I tried to wait it out with my pee-hands in my stall but she was damn near setting up camp in there. I had to get back to class so I dried my hands with toilet paper as best I could, got my stuff, exited the stall, washed my hands, made an awkward smile/nod/nervous laugh, and went back to class.
I was 11 when my family visited relatives on a holiday and I was wearing my school t-shirt (not the uniform, a t-shirt that just had our class year on it) and someone spilled purple jelly on it and instead of saying 'you stained my shirt!' I shouted 'you stained my $16 t-shirt!' like it was a fancy garment. No one gave a shit. It was the most expensive shirt I owned though.
I found a lost dog, gave it to some random lady who said it was hers. See an elderly lady and a large man walking around calling for a dog. Felt real bad so told them where I brought it. The lady there said she didnt have it. It was now on the other side of town. Got into a car with large man and elderly woman. Realize large man is extremely drunk. We somehow make it to the worst part of town. Def shootings there all the time. Can't find the damn house. Somehow find the right house after an hour. Find the dog. They gave me a ride home and invited me to a barbecue. It was a good barbecue. Never spoke to them again.
So in 7th grade, I had some chronic ass social anxiety. I know you've probably heard that a lot, but trust me, mine was the worst. Anytime somebody tried to talk to me. I'd stop what I was doing, freeze, and just wait until they go away, like a bug or lizard or something thinking you won't notice them if they don't move. I was kinda just known as 'that kid' for it. Every now and then I'd be lucky enough that somebody would come up to me like "Hey, I get that you're lonely so you wanna talk?" and while I obviously would've probably liked a friend at the time, that usually didn't stop me from going reptile defense mechanism like I always did. One time though, this really cute girl asked me, and I decided I was actually gonna do something this time and use words and stuff. I did use words. Not really sentences, but a couple words here and there. She eventually gave up and left me alone.
Asked a girl out using 100+ dollar concert tickets because I didnโt think she would say yes if I did it the normal way. She said no to that, too. Freshman year.
yankin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well....today had a recent one. Wanted to watch the old Bladerunner, went to the movie rental place, twas my first time there. Looked hard for 20 mins but the ordering system there was shit. I kept trying to build myself up to ask the lady if they had it (extra difficult for me since I don't speak the language here well) but in the end walked out with nothing but my shame.
Told my flatmate the movie wasn't there and he said, "I can't believe it, did you ask them?"
And I was all "Of course I did bro!" :(
GMR315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only thing I could think to say when going through the receiving line at a funeral for a friends family member was "He looks good".
Not that awkward. Iโm pretty sure Iโve heard people say that before. You did the right thing GMR315.
GMR315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I felt very awkward saying it. I couldn't think of anything else to say to all those sad people and that was the first thing that popped into my head.
In sixth grade I decided to join track and field. The first practice, they split us up into two groups and I chose one randomly. We began running... And running and running, all around our school's perimeter. It was then that I realized I had picked the long distance group instead of short distance, but instead of switching I kept running and endured the absolute torture. I didn't want to do long distance for the rest of the season, but I also didn't want to admit to someone that I had chosen the wrong group, so I just never went to a practice again.
โข Say sorry for literally nothing like eight times in a row
โข Be to awkward to wave to people I know/say hi in public so itโs just me awkwardly fidgeting around, glancing at them
.โข Get nervous for no reason
Those were my three bullet points
ndiehl84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first job was at McDonalds and I was 17. Day one, the manager came up to me and asked if I was a minor... I looked very puzzled because clearly I was working at McDonalds, not down in a mine; so I said no I wasn't a miner. I went a week without a longer break because of it. I still get made fun of to this day by my family.
My pants keep falling down so my wife shamed me into wearing a belt, and I did. Sinched it up real tight. That night, I went to a PTA meeting to speak and my zipper had been down the whole time. With my belt on tight, it only served to highlight the exposure : (
manEvery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rape
qwertoss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine once took an exam for a subject he wasn't enrolled in because he sat down in the wrong lecture room. He made up a fake name, student ID and everything!
In kindergarten I ate black paint after I got it on my hand I was distracted by a classmate when my attention was drawn back to my hand, I all of a sudden mistaken it for chocolate syrup and licked it off my hand. Immediate regret ensued but for some reason I still swallowed it.
One of my teachers called me by my real name and not the nickname I suggested at the beginning of the year. I wrote my nickname on all my tests and quizzes and assignments but he still called me by my real name. I never corrected him.
Some friends of mine told a girl I made a perverse comment about her which wasnโt true. She confronted me about it in front of many. I was so embarrassed from all the laughter that I couldnโt say anything. I should of just told Her it wasnโt true, smh :/
tyresk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school at a soccer tournament. My parents werenโt able to bring me so I rode with a friend. After the games everyoneโs in the car and Iโm standing about to get in the car with the door open and cleats still on. The car moves forward about 6 inches and right into my foot. Hurt like hell but I was a tough middle schooler, I wasnโt going to yell. I stood there for 10 seconds before I said,
โumm the car is on my footโ.
โWhat???โ
โThe car... itโs on my foot.โ
โOh shit!โ
His mom reversed and I got in the car, tears of pain welling up but I wasnโt going to cry.
I rushed to take my cleat off so as to not have to cut it off from swelling. My foot was already bruised all along the side in strange dark line. Luckily it wasnโt broken though. Still couldnโt play for a few weeks. Only took a few games on the bench to realize I should have screamed bloody murder.
Was in the hockey dressing room before a game. People got made fun of (or at least I thought they did) if you were wearing tighty-whities. I always wore boxers to hockey... But not this day. Rather than show everyone my tiny underwear, i wore my jeans under my hockey equipment and got made fun of anyways for being weird. No regrets.
Lived in an upstairs apartment. Half ass knew the guy that lived downstairs. Friend of a friend type deal. Came home on my lunch break to take an epic shit. First round of pushing and the splashdown was loud. Loud enough he heard and asked loudly "you alright up there?" Never again in the next year of living there did I turn 2 without the bathtub running to drown out any noise.
me and my girlfriend use birth control as our only method of birth control because i am too socially awkward to buy large sized condoms. i just feel like people will judge me for trying to "impress some girl" when really i just don't want to suffer through uncomfortably tight condoms and an increased risk of breakage. thankfully i'm in a committed, long term monogamous relationship but if i were ever to become single i will probably have to face my fear
When I was playing little league, there was one game I was playing left field. This half inning was taking particularly long (pitcher was having trouble throwing strikes, a common thing at this age) and I really had to piss. I was at the point where I couldn't hold it anymore, I had to go. However, we only had 8 kids on our team show up to this game (you're allowed to play with only 8, you would have only 2 outfielders), so I knew I couldn't ask for a sub. If I asked for time to go use the bathroom, I knew the game would have to stop until I got back. That sounded embarrassing, but apparently pissing myself sounded less embarrassing at the time. So I just let it all go, hoping my baggy, dark gray baseball pants would hide it well enough. Well, it seemed like it worked, no one said anything if they did notice. My buddy who was on the team even asked if I wanted to come over when the game finished. Yeah, think I'm gonna go change first.
I was in this pizza place where you take a big number and then give it back to them when they give you your to-go order.
My number gets called and the guy brings my pizza over in one hand and has the other extended. I gave him a handshake instead of giving him the number back and then I realize and we just share this awkward look and then we both started laughing.
I ended by saying "I actually usually like to get a big hug when I pick up my pizza but a handshake will do."
I was in kindergarten at the time and really had to pee, but was too shy to ask my teacher if I could use the restroom. I couldnโt hold it and eventually peed on myself. Still too shy and now embarrassed to let my teacher know, I quietly got out of my seat, got some paper towels, went back to my seat, and sat on them.
Yeah...she ended up smelling me out and telling my mom.
I became Clair. You see, it was a normal day, I went and got my nails done. I sat down in the chair and lady had to of thought I was someone else as she said " It's been a while since you got your nails done, Clair. How are you?!?" In a shrill voice. I just froze and couldn't say anything. I told her I was good, how has she been doing? She says oh you know. No, lady, I do not.
She asks how the daycare is and at this point I'm just like oh god. So I tell her I got a new job and everything. The lady asks about some girl who we apparently mutually know and i just reply that I don't know, maybe the local college. She asks why I don't work with my dad. I'm like fuck, my dad died seven years ago in November so I'm like uhhhhhhhhhh. It's hard working with family members sometimes.
So I sat there, for a full hour and a half being Clair. She kept asking questions and for some reason I just couldn't say the words I'm not Clair.
But hey, she gave me a 20% discount, so at least I got that going for me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat down to poop at work and I thought my manager was in the stall next to me.. I didn't want to let the brown dragon roar with upper management right next to me. Nope. Instead I sat quietly hoping he'd leave soon, he didn't. Instead I shamefully drew some toilet paper, wiped my unused arsehole to make it sound like I was done and went one floor up where I had a glorious and private bowel movement.
fudgyvmp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was set up on a date by a mutual friend. Date called me in the morning and the convo was going fine, my roommate was giving me thumbs up and all was well. Then the guy said, "My plan was to take you our on a hike, so make sure you wear something comfortable." I panicked and shouted, "OH THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE I HAVE MANY PAIRS OF SHORTS!"
To this day I have no idea why I would say that and I still laugh thinking about it. Awkward.
Bit of backstory, my uncle once dated a girl, nice girl, cute girl, bit of an oddball but got along with his son and the rest of the family, so he of course does what any good man does, dumps her for her fat sister. Fast forward a bit, my uncle and soon to be step-aunt are happy with a new baby and visiting my family, I think I was about 16 years old at this point. One more important thing to point out is I have aspergers syndrome, so I am severely awkward, even among my family. All that together we come to a singular moment, we're all just relaxing in the pool, having a nice time, I'm entirely unprovoked and just blurt out to my uncles soon to be wife
"DIDN'T JOHNNY DATE YOUR SISTER!?"
Like some tourettes ridden spas, to which she just responded with a simple "yeah". Granted she handled it a lot better than my now very displeased mother, I mean she was really not happy with that. I of course wasn't weirded out or realized it was awkward since I'm socially disabled but after it was explained to me it of course made me feel awful.
I was at a comedy show and after the main comedian was done, I went to the bathroom and he happened to be in there washing his hands. We looked at eachother and I said "good set man you were really funny". He said "thanks". Instead of leaving it there, I said "good career choice". He stopped washing his hands and just looked at me until I walked away.
Enkixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if this counts because I was very young but on the first day of kindergarten, I thought I needed to put all the toys away before I could go to the bathroom and I peed myself trying to hold it and put them all away.
Much later, in a similar but worse situation, I was on my way back to my dorm from working at UPS and needed to go number 2. There weren't any bathrooms anywhere near the parking lot I was in. I tried to just go on the ground as a last resort and somehow still messed that up. After getting back to my room, I threw the pants away instead of dealing with them.
Awkward for him not me, maybe both - im a fan in small music venue with an independent US touring punk bank. Im at the front as its not really crowded and wearing another band's shirt. In the middle of a song the guitarist bends over, reaches down, and jams pretty hard his 4 fingers into my throat. Im like wtf as i was just standing politely where you are supposed to stand. I throw my hands up like cops are shouting at me and he has to yell to me as he points at my chest "i like your shirt". All while everyone else keeps playing. I imagine he was trying to tap me on the shoulder but thats still awkward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a lot, but after reading through comments the most awkward thing the last decade: fiancรฉ and I had dated for a few months. We were long distance at the time and he came to stay with me for a week. Kiddo and I lived in a tiny apartment in my dad's basement, consisting of three rooms; bedroom I shared with kiddo, living room and open kitchen solution, and a very echo-y bathroom. Day 4 of his stay I was so desperate for a poop that I made an excuse for going upstairs to dad's. Dad is all confused at me hurrying in, yelling "I need to use the toilet!" and legging up the stairs. When I came down I asked if I could borrow his coffee machine so I would have a legit excuse for being upstairs. Until we moved out dad would some times come down and borrow it back, but he returned it. Still got that coffee machine too (got dad a new one).
I see this one guy at a weekly music event I attend. I always say hello to him and ask how's it going. We have nothing in common and aren't friends but just do the mannerly weekly greetings. Last week I saw him and was waiting for the greeting, but it was like that weird half second that you're not sure if you're looking at each other but it was too late. My arm reacted, went straight out like some goofy Hilter salute but then started flailing as if swatting a gnat. I saw him tonight and he purposely ignored me. Wtf is wrong with my limbs.
I seen a girl that I thought was really cute at an amusement park called kings island. Instead of going up to her and asking if she wanted to ride a few roller coasters I convinced my friend that the girl she was walking around with was cute and his type so I could have a chance to talk to her. He eventually believed me so I started up a awkward conversation with the girl. Like an hour later of awkward small talk I'm about to get on a roller coaster and invite her to sit next to me, instead her friend thinks I was talking to her so I sat there awkwardly next to a random girl for 5 minutes.
I did get the girl I liked number though so it was not to bad
About 15 years ago I visited London and was about the ride the Tube for the first time.
I was so nervous about putting the ticket into the machine incorrectly that I walked up to the entrance barrier, realized I wasn't 100% sure which way to insert the ticket (had I stopped for two seconds, it was painfully clear) and turned around and went back to the building I was staying at.
I didn't want to hold anybody up by putting the card in wrong and I didn't want to bother anyone had I needed to ask for help.
I went back the next day and went through with no problem at all.
Has anyone ever met someone at a party or other social event where it's acceptable to be drunk by the time more people are showing up? Then when you see that person sober they start talking to you and you have no clue what there name is, but you remember seeing them before and remember them telling you their name. I've had that happen several times, and I'm awkwardly good with names when I'm sober, but I can't remember any name said to me after I'm drunk.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one is going to see this but my mom tells me as a young kid I used to stand in the backyard screaming "Someone play with me!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it. Sounds like something I would have done.
I donโt know if youโd consider this awkward but I was dating this girl. I was with her for five years & every Easter, weโd go to her Grandparents home. Her Grandma would call me by my name. However, her Grandpa would call me by a similar sounding name. I never had the heart to correct him, despite his wife calling me the right name in front of him. One time though, as her, I & her father were walking out, he said goodbye. Well, he actually called me by my REAL name! It doesnโt end there, he immediately said sorry, corrected himself to the wrong name heโd been calling me all those times & seemed pretty damn ashamed of himself. Again, never corrected him & actually started to play along.
He died calling me the wrong name. I never once corrected him & I donโt know if that makes me a bad person.
Orangy1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I joined choir today because I went to the room to hang out with my friend. The teacher called me out for just hanging about and asked me to sing with everyone, handed me the sheet, lead me to baritone section, and I was too embarrassed to not go along with it.
It was fun and I signed up at the end of it. Yay new schools and blindly following friends around!
Once I waited outside a movie theater for the entire movie. Me and a group of friends wanted to see a movie and I was broke at the time I went thinking 10$ was enough to see it. When they asked for 10 and tax I was like okay I'm just going to sit outside the movie theater for like two hours instead of ask for like 26 cents or however much it was.
When I was around 7, I called my best friend to ask to come over. His mother answered, and I suppose my, "Hi, it's notowlery" sounded like "Hi, is it notowlery?". She said no, so I thanked her and promptly hung up. I ended up calling back again later, and it was never mentioned. I still wonder why she thought some random 7yo was calling her house
ADD combined with poor hearing makes me say yes or no to not yes or no questions a lot
rgolden4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in Belgium a few years back... The menu was multi-lingual but I decided to try to place my order based on the description in French. When I ordered the 'andoulette', I didn't expect to be served a mass of fresh smelling pig intestines wrapped in this thin, slimy sausage sack... The restaurant seemed like a nicer, traditional place where they took pride in their cuisine, but there was no way I was going to be able to eat this. I first tried to pass it off onto my travel buddy who was face deep in a more appropriate dish. Second, I considered taking it to the restrooms and either flushing it down the toilet or throwing it in the restroom trash; but (with how awfully potent it was) for sure the restaurant staff would find it there... I was left with one option and that was to pay, wrap this sopping whale dick into a napkin, stuff it into my daypack, and toss it in some back alley a few blocks away... And by me, I mean I was so embarrassed that I had actually talked my friend into doing all of this for me... As my friend was pulling out the goods, the smell of the andoulette had putrefied further so much so that he began dry heaving. As he gagged, we still carefully searched for the perfect disposal spot. He finds a spot, boomerangs it out of sight, and I made way into the first bar I found... Certainly better ways to celebrate your 27th birthday, right?
TL;DR Read the menu in French, ordered an atrocious entree, snuck it out of a restaurant, and ditched it in an alley.
I was once taking a calculus exam with my regular old #2 pencil and then the tip snapped. Instead of asking the teacher if I could borrow one from someone, I found a piece of lead on the ground from a mechanical pencil (less than two centimeters if I had to guess) and finished my exam using that.
I forgot my windbreaker at my college computer lab. Flash forward a couple of days, and low and behold, it was still there, right where I left it. This day I was stoned though, so I freaked myself out that someone would think I was stealing MY windbreaker. So I left it there, to never be seen again.
Just about everything sexual I did with my first girlfriend was dumb. The two biggest dumb things would have to be having unprotected sex and using petroleum jelly as lube. Finishing myself off with the jelly as lube resulted in a fiction burn like injury that put me out of commission for a little over a week.
There was this mini-skit group activity we did for a Language Arts class in high school. We were reading The Odyssey at that time and I was the only dude in my group. So for fun during the rehearsal, I jokingly said "Herpes, save me" instead of "Hermes, save me". I got a good response from the chicks. So, thinking it was a brilliant joke, I said that in front of the class in the actual mini-skit. The teacher then asked me in front of the class whether I knew what Herpes was. Not willing to admit to her that I said this jokingly, I said no.
Was at a mall and really had to piss. Went to the bathroom but the only urinals available where right beside ones being used. Stall it is then. Headed over to the very last stall. Couldn't see that anyone was in it, so went to open the door. The door was unlocked but a guy was inside and he pushed the door shut. I walked out of the bathroom as quickly as possible and just held it in for an hour and a half until I got home.
Was riding in my older brother's friend's car behind the driver's seat. He had his window down and it was getting too cold for me. Rather than asking him to put up his window, I for some reason thought I'd be able to reach the switch from the backseat and close the window undetected. He of course immediately noticed an arm slowly reaching past him and asked wtf I was doing...
Super late to the party, but today I climbed three flights of stairs to go to the bathroom just to avoid awkwardly walking past the security guard at the front desk. I always feel weird and like I should say hi every time.
I wet the bed til i was 12. Once I did it while sleeping in an adult cousins bed. The next day my wonderful younger sister switched underwear with me and took the blame. She was 9 and knew what she was doing. I need to call her tomorrow. My cousin may have been more pissed than the bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a ride-or-die kind of sister. I send her my regards.
On evening while strolling along the beach looking for fire wood after a hard days hike I happened to stumped across a couple just in the treeline. The guy had just finished taking of his pants. There we stood the three of us in the middle of nowhere gaping at each other. I didn't know what to say, I found it so startling that people were there, and I was imaging them wondering who's this random weirdo sneaking around creeping on people. So I just turned around and walked away. They ended up camping there, the site next to mine and we'd see each other on the beach that night and the next morning but never a word was spoke there was just this heavy awkwardness that hung like mist.
buoren0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Off of a dating website, she didn't have any pictures and had described herself as attractive. I went over with the idea of snuggling (no sex!) ... and when she opened the door, she asked "is it okay?"
It was clear to me she had lied about her age, and instead of being a few years older than me, she was something closer to 15 years older. Attractive for 50s but still not okay.
Instead of saying "no, it's not okay," I went in, we hung out, and I just had the most cringeworthy experience.
We did end up snuggling, and she started getting handsy, whispering in my ear that "I know you said no sex, but if you wanna change your mind..."
I made some lame excuse about being tired.
When I left in the morning I felt like crap from the whole experience, and comparing notes with female friends they tell me that's exactly what it feels like when a guy is pressuring for sex.
I was in the middle of a one-night stand when all of a sudden I felt a ton of warm water wash over my abdomen. The guy just started apologizing a ton. I pretended that I thought he just came on me and we went to sleep. I slept in his bed while soaking wet because I didn't want to say anything. I then walk of shamed home the next morning still damp. I'm sad to say that isn't my most embarrassing sex moment.
rylo151 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i went to a new high school I accidently got on the wrong bus, this was a country town bus which took me nearly 2 hours out of town, I was too awkward to say anything so I hid in the back of the bus and climbed out a window later that afternoon at what must have been the bus drivers house I guess.
I had no idea where I was and ended up having to go to the police station to call my mum to come pick me up from there.
Comkool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife told her grandma that I love macaroni, which I do, but not her grandma's version.
For the last 6 years or so her grandma makes a literal fuck ton of macaroni for me when I visit and i eat it every time because I cant tell her I dont like it.
When I was little I checked a book out from the school library, and even though I had returned it, the said I never did.
So I went and found it one the shelf, and instead of just taking it to the front desk to show them their mistake, I stole it, crafted a story about how it had been misplaced but just now found it, and then took it back the next day.
I lost my earphones at university and the next day I saw similar ones in my professor's office. Instead of reasoning that he would've given them to lost&found I asked him if the earphones are his. He told me that they were his wife's. Instead of saying ok I decided to explain the reason behind the weird question and told that I lost similar ones. I exited his office and said thank you.
In my freshman year of high school, we had to play an ice-breaker type of game where you lay out these cards facedown on a table and had to match the same ones by flipping them over. We did this in groups of twos, taking turns to see who could get the most matched cards (like a memory game).
I got paired with a girl who I thought was really attractive, and wasn't good at talking to people at the time. Now before we started playing, I didn't know you took turns each time you flip the cards - I ended up thinking who ever completes the game in the least amount of flips wins. So without realizing this, she sat there and watched me play the whole game by myself and didn't say a word. It was equally as awkward after she had told me about taking turns.
daspip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at Pax one year and we had a great time. Near the end of the event I was in the lobby and Will Weaton came out of the elevator wearing a cape while talking to his wife. I wanted to leave him be, but I also wanted let him know I am a fan. So I walked up, said I was a fan and held my hand out to shake his hand. What I didn't see was that his hands where full of bags, so he shows me by jokingly putting out his elbow.
I grabbed his elbow...and shook it...like it was a hand...
When I'm in a place where there are hookers on the street (ie vegas, reno) I like to try and negotiate with them basically wasting their time, and mine because I don't actually purchase them. So I had this going with a hooker for a while, here come my friends thinking I'm really try to purchase her. Long story short we are walking to the elevator, and instead of saying no, she got on the elevator and right before the doors closed I hopped off, and she couldn't get off.
Spoiler alert - When I got to my floor, there she was fml.
efase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It might be too late to post this, but whatever. One time I went with my friend and his parents to the cinema to watch Kangaroo Jack. I was like a 6 year-old and found it to be the funniest shit ever. So funny in fact that I peed my pants in that camel farting scene mid-theater. I was mortified. I "pretended" to drop my ICEE on my self and passed the pee off as that. The parents were really nice about it and were even trying to buy me some new shorts at the nearby mall. I was mortified and kept telling them I was ok.
I still wonder if they actually knew I pissed my pants.
IsomDart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Public bathroom with two urinals right next to each other. I was probably about 13 and some older guy walked in right after me. For some reason I just could not pee with him right there next to me. Neither could he apparently. We both stood there for a couple minutes in total silence until I couldn't take it anymore and just bursted out laughing hysterically and ran out of the bathroom
I went to the movies with a girl and she drove me. When she dropped me off, I realized I didn't have my keys. This was like 11:00, but I assured her my mom would let me in. She was like "do you want me to wait with you?" but I was so awkward because I liked this girl and also I was embarrassed that I didn't have my license, so I said no. I ended up waiting until 2:00 AM for my mom to let me in, all because I was too embarrassed to let this cute girl wait outside my house with me.
Thankfully this was more of a secretly awkward thing but:
I had recently gotten a hint that this girl I sat next to may have liked me through an awkward flirting experience (I'm like a brick wall so it took me hours to even figure out she was flirting with me)
Anyways, I try to offer her some gum a few days later when I have it, and this fact has just messed up any social skills I had with her.
For some reason, I decided it would be too weird to just GIVE her some gum, so I pretended I got some out for myself and offered her some. Y'know, cause I had it out.
I panic. I already HAD gum in my mouth.
Then, instead of just adding to my current wad, I decide to swallow it.
Crushes are weird.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every single thing I've ever done, up to and including this post.
ShyKat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I was only five or six when this happened.
I rode my bike down the street to my friends house and we were in the backyard playing. They had a big swing set and for whatever reason, the sister and I were just pushing a swing back and forth with nobody on it.
It wasn't a regular swing, it had hard seats and could seat two people facing each other. So we are pushing it back and forth and I guess she pushed a little too hard cause it hit me in the nose.
All I remember thinking was that hurts but I'm not gonna cry because I was older than the two kids and I wanted to be tough. Then the sister said 'you have something on your lip'. I touched my lip and my fingers came back bloody - great, I have a nosebleed.
So I was like oh it's cool I'm just gonna go home and patch myself up, whatever. But I didn't want her parents to find out because I thought I was in trouble.
So I super ninja snuck through their house from the back door to the front door where my bike was. Completely avoiding potential care from the adults. They never saw me. I walked my bike home and as soon as my mom saw me I started crying like the little kid I was.
About a year later they moved away and gave me the swing set, which was suitable since I gave my blood to that damn thing.
TL;DR: Got a bloody nose, ninja snuck through a house so the parents wouldn't see.
lewner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool the cool kids used to hang out sitting on the stairs. On my way out from class and had to go down said stairs but a bunch of girls were sitting there on their phones, so instead of saying "excuse me" and walking by them I decided to jump over them (thought maybe I'd get some cool points or something idk). Ended up jump kicking one of the phones and when I "landed" I just stared at them before running away. I was 16.
I drove 10 miles on a bike to "accidentally drive by" the house of a girl I had a crush on. Worse, it turns out it was actually her boyfriend's house, who also was the one who opened the door.
Ran into a girl I didn't like working at a clothes store. Reason I don't like her, she laughed at me on my first day of kindergarten cuz I fell down and scraped my knee. Just never liked her after that. She was always a bully to me for no reason. Anyways, she was my cashier at the store. She asked me, "Are you Maribel?" I denied it. She kept asking me if I was sure, looked me in the eyes a bunch of times like I was crazy and I just kept on denying it. I knew she knew I was lying and was just being weird but I just really didn't want to have small talk with her.
Arky200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I had a fight and didn't talk for months although we still were classmates so we almost met everyday but didn't talk....after several months we decided to say "Fuck it" and be friends again and we both agreed.
On the same day when we were walking home from the school with a couple of other friends, one of them was slapping me on my head for no reason and without turning I slapped the crap out of him but when I turned I found out I had slapped my friend I just "made friends with" lol
We're still friends tho.
We had a temporary bus driver my freshman year of high school. She didn't know where any of us lived so we had to direct her where to go. On the first day she asked me where to drop me off and I pointed to my house. She mistakenly thought I pointed to a house 2 over from mine and drops me off there. She asked if this was the right one, and in my awkward shame I nodded, smiled, said thank you and got off the bus at the strangers house. Now, a single event happening like this was fine but the next afterboon when I loaded onto the bus (I got a ride in the morning, used the bus in the afternoon only) she was there again. She stayed for about a month and I never corrected her.
One time in between classes I went to the bathroom and a guy that was in my Pre-Chemistry was standing at the urinal but I am kind of pee shy so I decided to awkwardly stand behind him silently. He knew I was there which was worse.
Edit: grammar
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I felt nauseous while running during gym class I and threw up into my hand. I didn't know what to do and didn't want anyone to know. Instead of cleaning it up I put my hand into my pocket and put the barf in there. Unfortunately a classmate saw me do it and I denied it when she pointed it out to my teacher. I tried to clean up later on but still smelled like puke.
told a kid i had a spanish project & he had to leave my apartment & ran into him 10 mins later as i was walking into a pizza place lol
sad85XD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My fiance can't handle attractive women talking to her. At the gym an 11/10 walks up to her and tells her she likes her gem pendant necklace. To which she responded "NECKSTONES............ ITS NOT HEAVY THOUGH ........... OKAYTHANKSBYE!!" She then runs, and I mean ruuuunnnss, away.
Had a crush on a girl and wrote her love poems by mail. Signed them with an email address. She actually replied, lol. I oddly enjoyed the two weeks between her actually writing back and her finding out it was me who wrote it. :P
In my younger years I once came during foreplay (WAY early) she couldn't see it underneath the covers. Once we moved and she saw the giant sticky pile of shame, the best I could think to say is "That's not mine" I still want to curl in a ball and die every time I think of it.
Probably too late for this post but oh well. When I was 6 years old I went over to my friends house and we ended up playing with toys and what not. Anyways during that time in my life I really really hated going to the bathroom so I would hold it in as long as long possible which of course led to A LOT of accidents.
Well this time I was having so much fun that I thought I could hold in my pee but over time the pressure was too much and I just peed right there in the carpet. Instead of telling my friend and her mom I sat there for HOURS periodically checking the carpet to see if it was dry yet. The worst part was my friend wanted to do other things but I acted like I was just super interested in the toys, she would go play outside and walk back in and check on me, or her mom would come in and ask if I wanted lunch and I just sat there playing with the toys.
Literally did this an hour and a half ago. Had a guest speaker who was a paralympian. She had lost an arm due to a flesh eating bacteria. I was asked to introduce her to about 200 people with very short notice so I was nervous. I decided to go up to her with a lot of people, said hey and went to shake her right hand and waited..... My friends mae sure I didn't forget that moment
When I was about 10 years old I had a friend over to my house. We were playing a board game and he said he didn't feel very good. He fell asleep on the couch and I just sat there, in silence, for 5 hours. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents and didn't want to wake him up. Also didn't want to make a move in the game because that would be cheating. Just sat there. 5 hours.
Parents came and he woke up, acted like nothing happened and he left. Never spoke a word of it to this day.
Back in middle school I was going to use the bathroom but all the high schoolers were in there, so I went into the staff bathroom and did my business.
Kemfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered a smoothie from Panera bread once and when my order was ready they mistook me for a girl and said "Hey ma'am, your smoothienis ready. Ma'am, it's ready." And I got confused cause they were looking right at me and I just walked away without grabbing my smoothie. I had to wait for my fiance to getbout of the bathroom so he could grab it.
When I was 8, I went to my friend's bday party at a McDonalds Playplace. You know: ball pit, tunnels, and slides. Well I had to poop really bad but I was too embarrassed to ask my friend's mom to take me to the bathroom... I was a shy kid. Well I pooped my pants and turds fell out inside all those tunnels. The entire Playplace smelled horrendous and the bday party was cut short...
So. I was at a little bakery with my mom. We had a question about a menu item, but neither could convince the other to suck it up and actually speak to the employees. We decided it was better to look up their phone number then call them to ask for clarification. While we were INSIDE the restaurant at a table 15 feet away. XD Good times.
Back during my senior year of high school, my girl invited me to go swimming with her and her younger sister and the sisters boyfriend at some fancy club place (we snuck in). Well I said yes because why not right? (I'm a shitty swimmer). So her and her sis and the other dude get in and I being a dummy decide to jump right in not looking at the depth markers, my dumb ass sunk right down into the deep end 10ft or something. Instant panic, I doggy paddle struggle to breach, leg cramps up and I manage to get my hands on the bouy strings?
My girls looking at me the lifeguard is asking if I'm ok and I just nod like the dummy I am and shimmy towards my girl who was over in the shallow end...
This is gonna get buried but I have a good one. When I was in middle school we went on a trip to DC over spring break. I had to shit really bad and there was a bathroom in the back of the bus but all the hot girls were in the back and I didnt want them to know I was shitting so I decided to just wait until we got to the hotel. I didn't make it.
I was working on a project and stopped by my classmates apartment to discuss and work on it. He lived in a super nice condo and I went to text my girlfriend how nice it was and I accidentally texted the classmate. He was in the bathroom or something and left his phone on their coffee table so I went into his phone and deleted the text. He had the exact same phone as I did so I had a pretty good idea on how to delete it fairly quickly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm crap at remembering peopleโs names. I have literally gone months without knowing the names of the parents at my daughterโs school. Iโm just too embarrassed to ask. I just carry on without asking until I find someone who can tell me who everyone is without judging me.
madi_lol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in second grade, I went to a sleepover with my best friend, whose older brother I had a crush on. We were watching a movie that night and I didnโt know where their bathroom was and was too afraid to ask. So I shit my pants. My friend even complained about the smell and blamed her brother for farting.
I found out later that night where the bathroom was, and snuck away in the middle of the night to wrap my underwear in toilet paper. Woke up the next morning and called my mom to pick me up early.
I was at one of my first sleepovers when I was about 8, and the girl's house had those child gates on the staircase. The bathroom was upstairs, I needed to pee really badly and I didn't know how to open the gate so I just peed in my sleeping bag. It was obvious that I did it and I could've easily climbed over the gate.
When I was a kid (12) I went with my best friends family to a haunted hayride. As we were leaving an older couple walked up to me...opened my mouth and was pushing my lips up to check out my gums. Instead of running away or asking what are you doing? Eventually they said something about me looking anemic.
I left a social gathering early to go to another meet up, that all members present were going to. I left early so i wouldn't have to be following anyone or drive another person to the place. Due to my ineptitude, i ended up totaling my car because I got lost potholes and Priuses don't mix.
I was in first grade and I really wasn't feeling well. I really needed to go to the bathroom but we weren't allowed to leave class without permission. So my class is going to sit on the floor around my teacher for story time and I'm standing there going "Miss! Miss! Miss S!" Trying to get her attention. She told me to sit down and not interrupt and I just turn around and hurl all over the floor.
When I was like 7 I slipped on the blacktop at school and passed out, for like a good 3 minutes. Instead of telling the nurse what happened I sat there for like 10 minutes, said nothing and was sent back to class.
Something happened and the teacher that brought me in to the clinic didnโt tell them what happened outside.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was this guy i knew, he was a friend of a friend of mine whom i had hanged out with a couple times. He was a pretty shady annoying criminal type of guy in his twenties, but he was always nice to me.(Note: I was an awkward 15 year old.)
So one day we were all hanging out and for some reason he asks me for โฌ10. Dont know if it was meant like a joke, but i didnt want to give it to him.
Without answering or saying anything at all I just turned around and walked home.
So my parents were pretty strict when I was a kid and we didn't really talk to any of our neighbours.
Anyways so I kick the ball a little too hard and it goes over the fence I to our neighbours backyard and I'm too awkward to go and ask them if I could have it back. So I decided to jump the back fence and quickly get it. And quick in and out job, easy....yeh no.
As soon as I jumped the fence this crazy as fk chihuahua starts bolting for me, and I chose flight, so withiut thinking I bolt for the trampoline and just stand there while this chihuahua is circling around the trampoline trying to get to me. I eventually sit down and try to plan a way out, I mean I can probably get to the fence in time but if I did that, then I would have to say goodbye to my ball and this trip would be in vain.
After maybe 10min, I've surrendered to my fate. And to make matters worse, someone came out to check what the commotion was about.
Then to add a stab to my already beating heart...it turned out to be my crush's house...
The awkwardness was so fucking strangling, I'm pretty sure I forgot to breathe. The exchange went something like this:
"[NotSpicyEnough] what are you doing??"
"um...uh...m-my ball"
She just laughed, grabbed it and threw it over the fence (the ball not her dog, unfortunately). We talked for a bit, she was enthusiastic about us being neighbors, I was laughing and talking in broken sentences.
The next day I took my ball to Show&Tell and we told everyone our story.
We stayed friends but I moved to a different city at the start of highschool. So we lost contact.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was at the gym yesterday morning, a guy that frequents the gym in the morning like my self was using the flat bench but very happily said after seeing me look around for a bench โyou need this one? itโs all yours man, go for it.โ Right before he said this I spotted the bench I prefer because it can be a flat or incline bench and my next exercise is done on an incline. Rather than be a jerk and ignore his kind gesture, I just kind of stood there for like 10 minutes like I was resting and then grabbed the bench I prefer. I heard him say something through my headphones but not sure what. Poor guy, I just really needed the other bench!
This wasnโt me but itโs brutal and I was there! Day out on the water drinking in my friendโs dadโs fishing boat with a half dozen or so other teens. One of the boys went below to use the bathroom. I donโt remember his being gone, only remember a pair of tighty whiteys with fresh poop being flung out the window, got stuck and hung up on one of the fishing poles that was on out the side of the boat. He was so horrified he couldnโt speak hahah. I think if we had been within sight of shore he would have jumped overboard and swam for it.... good times....
My boyfriend and I were in Montreal and he speaks fluent French but is too socially awkward to engage in conversation so I was forced to and everywhere we went I was the dumb American who couldnโt speak French and would just stare and nod along to everything the server or shop attendant would say until they realized I spoke zero French. We were there for 2 weeks...
One time while I was working as a delivery driver I was at a red light with my windows down when a car with out of state plates pulled up next to me. The lady driving looked really confused and asked me if I could tell her how to get to a specific street.
I knew right where it was and started telling her, but I mixed up the first 2 turns I told her to take, instead of telling her I messed up and starting over (like a normal person) I proceeded to give her even more wrong directions.
End of college, job hunt time, career office tells me to sign up for any interview from prospective employers on the wall as a "practice interview" before I do the "real" interviews with firms I wanted.
Practice interview folks loved me.
I was totally not interested, but too awkward to say no.
Lead to an awesome career!
I know a girl and she hates when people hears her peeing and she really had to pee one day when she was a couple dates in with this guy. She was at his house and instead of just peeing and staying. she ended up making an excuse to have to go home so she could pee. She eventually told him and now she has him turn up the music and she turns the faucet on everytime.
KazRyder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last year when I was a sophomore I was sitting next to this girl and I wanted to take my sweater off. The thing is I didn't want to show my stomach or anything, what I did was pull my arms entirely into the sweater and pushed it off from the inside. It was like I was hiding my entire upper body inside.
I wasn't the biggest fan of chocolate as a kid so every time someone gave me one I was too awkward to say I didn't like it, and held candy that melted in my hand for like an hour
Drove into a gas station, drove all the way around twice looking for a pump, found one but realized I had just pulled in with the gas cap on the wrong side (my car has it on the right and my wifeโs has it on the left). I then proceeded to drive all the way across town to fill up because I was too embarrassed to pull back in the right way.
I was waiting to get a take-away coffee, when the man in front of me ordered a latte using the name Gabi. I started to panic because I wanted a latte too and my name is Gabby - but I didn't want anyone to be confused by the two orders - so I thought, this is simple, I'll use a fake name for my order. I used the name Kate, and was so relieved that I'd thought of the best solution, that when they called "latte for Gabi" I blissfully went to take the coffee... much to the confusion of everyone who had just heard me say my name was Kate. I then had to carry a coffee that clearly said "Kate" with me into work, which made me so embarrassed that I just threw the coffee out.
I once called a radio station to request a song. When they answered I totally blanked on what it was, and I was too awkward to figure out literally anything else to say. After a very long pause I eventually remembered the artist and they named some common songs and I just went with one. Went they played it they said it was for their "special friend."
When I was about seven or eight years old I was staying at my cousins house for a sleepover. They only had one bathroom in the hallway and I was afraid if I used it in the middle of the night I would wake everyone else up b/c they all slept w/ their bedroom doors open. I tried to hold the pee in, but it all eventually came out in the bed. In the morning my aunt asked me if I peed in the bed and I tried to lie and tell her it was sweat. I'm pretty sure she knew the difference.
So Iโm in the 7th grade sitting through my unit test in math, with PE next period. Teacher WILL NOT let anyone leave until after the test. I have been holding in a huge piss for an hour, and HAVE TO GO. As SOON as the test is over, i bolt to the bathroom, only to discover a massive urine stain already on my blue jeans. Now instead of changing into my PE clothes and just tell everyone that i had no time to dress out in PE, i decide to go with the most obvious, reasonable decision. I soak my blue jeans in water to match the urine stain, ring them out, and walk back to class, to avoid any suspicion.
Grade 4'ish, stole the number my crush from another guy (whom I suspected to like her too) by pretending to "borrow" his phone.
Was happy that I was able to get her number but had no way to explain how I got it. So I pretended I was entering this t.v show contest by sending a "code" text message for a chance to win with my name on it. She replied "Hey it's me ______".
Texted her more after that like normal, but one day, I bullied her so much (I realized I did it to get her attention) that she ended up crying. Said sorry to her and never talked to her for the next 7 years before moving overseas.
She's doing well now with someone she loves who also loves her.
In 6th grade I was "dating" this girl for about a week. I get to school on Monday and turns out it's her birthday. I didn't get her anything because I barely even knew this girl and had no idea it was her birthday. So naturally I broke up with her. I have horrible timing.
When I was 10 or so, Christmas Eve, I got food poisoning. I didn't want to ruin the surprise by walking past the tree to go to the bathroom. So, I sat there in my bed at midnight and just puked into my dirty clothes hamper. And then puked onto the floor. And then just gave up and puked onto my bed. Sat there covered in puke for the next 6 hours, too afraid to leave my room and see a new bike I got.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One day me and my parents were visiting some of their friends. I was chilling in the kitchen where the woman was cooking something. I was sitting in the kitchen because I didnt want to sit with the grown ups, but they had no children my age.
The woman came back in the kitchen to see if the food was done and asked me if I was hungry, since I was sitting alone in the kitchen.
I wasnt hungry but said yes because I was awkward. Then she proceeds to give me a plate of something I 100% know I am allergic to. My dumbass cleared the whole plate, because I didnt want to seem rude.
Parents had to rush me to the hospital and everything.
chalter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pooped in a corn maze once as a 14 year old because I was pretty deep into it with a group of friends and I thought leaving would be lame so I told them I was going to go check out an area by myself and report back to everyone if seemed promising or not. When I couldn't hear them anymore I forged deep into a thick cluster of corn stocks until I couldn't see a path and did my business. I felt so guilty just leaving it there and so ashamed that I couldn't just be a normal person and say I had to go use a restroom.
I have a pizza place that is 30 feet away from my house in the town I live in and they have a takeout window. When I call and place an order instead of just walking over, I walk 50 feet away in the opposite direction to get into my car and then drive back to go through to the takeout window.
The guy I liked asked me to the school dance. I knew there was zero chance my parents would let me go, plus I was terrified that people would make fun of him because I was the kid everybody bullied and then he'd hate me, so I acted like I hated him and didn't want anything to do with him.
jes248 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was so shy and awkward as a kid. I was afraid to get up in class to get a tissue across cross the room, and even more afraid to actually blow my nose. so I sniffled and used my sleeves.
My dad took me on a long weekend trip when I was 13 to visit his cousin (also male) I got my period and was too afraid and embarrassed to say something so I used wads of TP for four days.
I've also stayed in SO MANY "conversations" with people who monopolize the conversation because I'm afraid I'm offending them if I cut them short and I don't know how to get away. People say I'm patient- no I'm not, just awkward.
Ok, might be too late, but this just happened yesterday and boy was it dumb.
I live on the middle floor of a three story apartment with neighbors above me and below me. I was just about to eat dinner when I got a phone call from my neighbor above me. I ignored it, texted her, and lied saying I was still at work. She responds she's locked out. Now I feel like an asshole. So I explain to my roommate why he has to be the one to go downstairs and let her in. He rolls his eyes at my anti-social nature and heads out the door to save the day.
A few seconds pass and I hear them walking up the stairs. My roommate loudly proclaims "Sure! You can WALK THROUGH MY APARTMENT to get to the back stairs."
I freeze. That's a cue. The front door handle shakes and I dive into my room. The door swings open as I press my body tight against the wall of my dimly lit bedroom while my neighbor stands just on the other side of the wall. She studies the living room for what felt like minutes while my roommate tried to hustle her through the apartment. It felt like I was hiding from a horror movie villain. She walked through the rest of the apartment none the wiser and I could return to eating my dinner and surprising my adrenaline high.
TL;DR I told my neighbor I wasn't home and she ended up walking into my apartment while I was eating dinner.
Was at a career fair, and accidentally got into a conversation/pitch for the DOD. After they gave me back my resume saying they donโt hire software engineers, I saw he actual table I wanted to go to right next to them. Instead of awkwardly shifting to the next table, I made a loop all the way the opposite direction and made it back to the other table.
I've had so many awkward experiences in my life that around halfway through high school I just stopped feeling awkward even when I obviously should and other people obviously are. the good side is I never feel awkward, but it doesn't help when I don't realise it and make it more awkward. it helps a lot to just own it with a smile
ace1oak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a beautiful customer come in today, as she was leaving she said "Thank you so much!" and i said "you too!"
RJANO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, one time freshman year of high school, after a football game, I was walking to the parking lot where my dad was waiting for me to bring me home. While walking, two of the popular girls of my grade said "hi (my name)" then, as they were waiting for an answer, I proceeded to look away, keep walking and smile a little bit like (wtf did they just say to me, mind you I did know what they said). I know now that I should've just been like "hey, what's up?" But yeah, they never talked to me again.
Edit: Obviously I'm very late to this, I already know, so chill.
Nootzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So at my high school everyday the janitor would make it 4 chairs per table, so people would move chairs around a lot. Every year the freshman drag it not pick it up, which creates a horrible screeching. One did it right in front of me so I just looked at him and clapped. I kept going for 5 seconds, but at this point I just had to keep going, it would have been wierd because no one joined in. So I just stared at this poor kid and clapped for like a minute and a half; alone.
During Spanish Class in my Sophomore year of highschool I had a pen blow up in my mouth. I was nervously biting on it in the back of class because we had a test that day and I still didn't know a lick of Spanish to save my life. (Still dont) When it happened I just pretended like nothing happened because I had no idea what to do. I then preceded to sit there for 30 minutes with ink on my tongue. Eventually It was my turn to go in front and take my test. (Verbal) so I just got my friends attention, showed him, and preceded to just try and walk out of the classroom. She stopped me right away and I just showed her my tongue and ran to the bathroom. God was that embarrassing
When my SO and I first started dating (long distance) I got us plane tickets to visit my family in Ga. I was going to fly to him first and then we would fly together from there the next day. He ended up having to work out of town the night I was supposed to be flying in and I would have had to be picked up at the airport by his brotber and hang out with him, when I had only met him once before. I felt so weird about it I decided to change my flight to just meet my SO in ATL, but I couldn't just change my flight. I had to buy a whole new ticket. I ended up throwing away over $600 because I didn't want to have an awkward time with his brother.
Oh man, how stupid.
TLDR: I paid over $600 to reschedule my flight to avoid awkward social interaction.
I peed on a tennis court. I was 7 or 8, and had asked the instructor for permission and he had said said there were only 10 minutes left to class, so I should wait if it wasnโt urgent. Of course, I was too shy to say it was kinda urgent, and then someone made a joke. An uncontrollable laughter and fountain ensued.
At a big sporting event, when I was 7-8, I was too embarrassed to ask for directions to the bathroom. I was sitting next to two really nice guys who let me have their popcorn. I put my jacket on my lap and peed in the popcorn bowl. I almost got away with it, but I tripped when I was sneaking over to the trash can and popcorn and pee...
whatsdup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was invited to a friends house for thanksgiving dinner. So there was limited seating and I had just filled my plate with food when I realized I really had to pee. Instead of finding a spot on one of the tables to put my plate down, I brought my plate into the bathroom like it was no big deal. I did my business and washed my hands before opening the bathroom door with a plate full of turkey and mashed potatoes to my friends aunt looking at me like I had three heads and asked if I was eating in the bathroom.
be me, in middle of class
wrist itchy, take off watches
scratch, feel good.jpg
smell it, smell weird but nice
lick it, salty as fuck
notice classmates giving weird look
gasping ive done goof
proceed meowing and licking like a cat
glad dad got transfer to another country
I stayed up until around 8:00am drinking and sampling party favors at a friend's apartment. His place was just 10 floors below mine, so I stumbled to the elevator in an attempt to make it to my safe and secure bed.
While waiting for the elevator to reach me, I passed out and missed it. So I hit the button again. Again I dozed off before I could get on. After a few tries I finally made it on to the elevator, and hit the button for the 14th floor.... then I passed out again. When I woke up the elevator was around the 5th floor and going down "to pick up sober people!". I panicked and got off around the third floor, and then took the stairs to avoid running into people. Then I passed out again. I kept checking the elevator to see if it was idle (which would probably mean empty) as I crawled my way up the stairs. Eventually I made it home, but it was a lot of time and effort to ninja up 10 floors in my condition.
TLDR: I turned a 10 level elevator ride into a two hour journey in order to avoid the judgement of neighbors.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Park far, far away and walk because I get anxious about parking in busy carparks. At least I enjoy the walk but I have been known to leave the parking lot if there's other people around, watching me park.
I thought this bartender was cute, so I'd go to that bar just about everyday to see her. Never asked her out if anything, just got drunk. Did have intentions to, it never could bring myself to do it.
When people pass offensive judgements on me in my face in a different language thinking I don't understand but I do..so I just go along with it and pretend i don't know
jascri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At work, if i dont bring food ill take a lunch break about a half hour to an hour after everyone else so i dont run into any coworkers anywhere. I also usually just eat my desk so i dont have to make small talk in the break room.
really needed new underwear, cause all my shit was really old and starting to get holes etc.
go to the store, go to undies section, feel really awkward and leave. I don't come back for a month because I was scared it would look like I was a creep on the security cameras or something.
Once I left the RMV when my number was literally next because I got really nervous about talking to the clerk and left. Literally waited 2.5 hours, and then left because I didn't want to talk to people.
One time I locked my keys in my car and I couldn't pull the window open enough to get in and had no tools. So I try to break into my dads house since he wasn't there. The keys to the house were locked in too. I tried for a while then the door open and I was like Yes! Then next thing I see is my dad's gun in my face! I thought he wasn't there but he was after he saw it was me and I was like dad it's me! He was saying I'm so sorry I thought you were a burglar! I never tried to break into a house again! This was before cell phones were really huge I didn't have one.
Not me, but one of my best friends. We were at an 80s aspen themed party in college and she was wearing this hot pink bodysuit/ long pant leotard thing. She proceeds to hook up with a boy. Realizing she's in unfamiliar territory, he goes the bathroom, she doesn't know where the bathroom is and doesn't want to wander the house, she finds a zip lock bag, squats over a trash can and chucks it out of the third floor window all before he came back.
Put my binder into my bag and took it back out about 5 times so I could make time to walk with my crush
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently my boss who doesn't speak English as her native language asked me if an exclamation point is called an "explanation point", and since I thought she said exclamation I said yes. So I guess she now thinks they're called explanation points.
I opened my mouth and tried to answer a question from the one I want to have a date when I was drinking water and didn't swallow it.You could image what happend then.It's so embarrassed.I don't even want to think it anymore.It's so strange,you just forget what you are doing that moment.
Walking in the hallway once, about sixth grade, and saw these two girls on the other side of the hallway. For some fucking reason my idiot brain immediately thought: "You should impress them by flipping your binder while still walking." So I did. And I broke my finger and pretended like my finger wasn't ballooning and turning green for the rest of the day.
rolo130 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to prom with a girl, longtime friend, who asked me last minute and had everything already arranged on her end. This was my first date, such as it was. We went, we had an adorably awkward and awesome time, then went to her house so she could change for the school sponsored after party. It was pushing midnight, and when we got to her house, I told her to go on ahead and changed in my car. Smooth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not an hour ago, my boss came over and was like: 'Arent you supposed to be heading out on your lunch break?'
I've been eating in the office for like three weeks now as it controls my diet better and my willpower is like a wet paper towel. But for some reason I took his words as: 'I don't want you in here' and I instead legged it into the city, where I promptly panicked where to go and ended up eating crappy fast food in order to get back in time.
Good job, me.
Fan4t1k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day at work I had a client and I was making small talk. He's Canadian visiting the states for the fall/winter. I start asking general questions "how are you/ how's everything going". He told me everything is kind of crazy because his 52 year old son was in a bad motorcycle accident and they had to amputate his leg.
In college, I hated being late to class. As a professional, I hate being late to meetings. On several occasions, when I've seen that I'm going to be late to a class or meeting, I just don't show up.
Called a woman a cunt because I tried to be aware of her gender and not call her a dick.
Lunar2K0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a story on my Snapchat that one of my friends had their car break down like 2 minutes away from me. I grabbed my buddy and we went to go torment her about it and we pulled up to the sight behind someone else's car. We couldn't actually see who was there except for a part of the girl we were trying annoy (and help of course) and we started honking and hollering and making a giant scene when out comes her dad and mom yelling at is to go around and that we were making traffic. instead of explaining ourselves, we just rolled up our windows and drove away as fast as possible. She was very angry with us.
charlye6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About a year ago, I had a co-worker that seemed to be into me. Sure enough, one day she asked me if I "wanted to hang out after work sometime." I read into too much and I didn't really understand what she meant at the same time. Being my awqward self I said "Uh, when?" A customer then came up to her for help and I just slowly walked away. My girlfriend was pissed when I told her.
Nomenius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything involving my crush, literally anything
00Siven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in a apartment, and sometimes when I came home from wherever I might sometimes see another person go to the same building, but since I'm so shy and I don't want any awkward situations I just walk past and hope the person doesn't recognise me. Sometimes I would just walk around the building a couple times hoping the people had already left and just gone gone inside
I was pooping in school cause I had diarrhoea I farted and the seniors outside heard and started laughing. I tried to stay in the toilet as long as possible but when I thought theyโd left they were still outside. I washed my hands which felt like the longest few seconds of my life.
I did a volleyball camp for my school during the summer. At the beginning of each day, they would let us mess around and do whatever we wanted for about 15 minutes. Me being the awkward kid i was back then, didn't have any friends to talk to, so i would just sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes, because it's better than standing there awkwardly by yourself while everyone else is doing stuff. When anyone came into the bathroom i had to hide, so that there wouldn't be a really awkward conversation about why i'm sitting in the bathroom by myself.
When I was in highschool, during our lunch break, my friend and I were talking at the stairwell. In our school, we don't have bells/alarms that ring to indicate next period or lunch or end of the school day, because each grade has a different schedule and different break schedules. So we were just talking for nearly the whole break and we didn't even realize the time. And when we did, we tried to sneak past the other classrooms (ducking our heads below the classroom doors so no one would see us), and we went straight to the bathroom.
We were so scared to come in late to our class because our teacher for that period is kind of strict on tardiness. So we just stayed in the bathroom thinking of an excuse as to why we were late.
Prior to this day, I had sprained my ankle and it was almost back to normal. But when we were in the bathroom thinking of an excuse, we thought it would be a good excuse to say I just got back from the nurse's office. I was seriously so close to breaking some bones.
But then (thank God) one of our classmates came into the bathroom and we were able to ask her what they were doing. And she was like "We're not even doing anything. He didn't even take attendance. You can just walk in and he won't notice." We were still so nervous, so we walked into the classroom, trying to hide behind our classmate. Our teacher was just sitting at his desk, occasionally looking up to talk to a student who came up to him. Everyone was just doing their own thing, talking amongst themselves. Literally no one noticed that we were late.
We were nervous over nothing. I was about to break my ankle over nothing.
Edit: When we were thinking of using the nurse as an excuse, I was thinking of breaking my ankle while my friend was thinking of faking an asthma attack. We of course needed a nurse's slip to show to our teacher in order to be excused for being late. And we needed a real health problem to be able to obtain that excuse slip, which is why we risked our own health.
I was once at some friends house, coding. Ay some point I had to take a shit. Went, took care of my business fast and back to the table as nobody had to know. Smooth.
Then, about 3min later, her hot sister passed by, clearly going to the bathroom. I said "hey, you'd want to wait a while before going in there!"
She laughed awkwardly, turned around, went to her bedroom and didn't go outside for about 4 more hours I was there.
If I'm a pedestrian and I get to the curb at the same time as a car at a stop sign or a light that is about to turn right, but (supposedly) yielding to me - I immediately feign looking at my phone, or watch, or someone in the distance so that the car turns and then I cross the street like a normal person.
Also, I'm hard of hearing and when I went to get my tire pressure checked the guy asked me a question, but i didn't hear him over the sound of the garage. Instead of asking him to repeat it, I leaned into my car and pretended to be oblivious and look for something until he asked me again.
I was walking home from school on a busy street and a vicious dog ran towards me. I could see his anger and instead of me running where all my classmates would surely see me and tease me the next day. I let the vicious dog bite me and rip my sleeve as I nervously tried to laugh and pet him โsaying hey butch!โ as if we were old friends. Thank God his owner found him and called his name because Iโm sure I wouldve let him kill me.
Not that dumb but i drink coffee black because i didn't know the acceptable amount of cream and sugar to put in coffee as a teenager
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I walk the 20 flights of stairs out of my office to avoid having to avoid having to share an elevator and make conversation with colleagues. I'm not an introvert or anything, just can't be bothered at times.
I had one of those clunky old-school Gameboys with the cartridge and I was playing an old Spider-Man game on an after school program trip. I left the Gameboy on the bus under the seat. When I got back on, the other black kids on the bus found it and were laughing about it being old and it being a Spider-Man game (I was about 15 at the time) so when one of them asked me whether it was mine or not, I just said no. When I got home, I told my two brothers someone had stolen it and while the bus was empty.
That was a cool-ass Spider-Man game. :(
Was super shy kid in high school, and colorblind. Struggled in art class with project involving hues, tones, tints etc. Teacher kept having to re-explain things to me, but for some reason I wouldn't say I was colorblind. I was just like, "Oh, I get it now!" Still lost...
I was crossing a busy double lane street. Well I was about to cross, and this older woman thought I was middle eastern, I'm metis. So she starts talking to me in what I assume is Arabic. I think she wanted me to help her across the street she was obviously very slow moving. We get about halfway and all these cars are honking and are like wtf!? But I couldn't bail on her yet. I plowed through probably the most embarrassing moment of that year. We got to the other side and I think she thanked me, she looked kinda pissed off.
One time in high school, I sneezed into my hand and a lot of mucus came out. Onto my hand. The class was completely silent and still, and I didn't want to draw any extra attention to myself by getting up for a tissue, so I sat through the entire test and rest of that class period with a hand full of snot. I just sat there. Holding it. And when it was time to get up, I was still so paranoid that someone knew, that I walked right past the tissues on the way out the door and proceeded to jam my snotty hand into my pocket.
My friend was really nervous in Walmart one time so she forgot her pin number. She kept going to different cashiers (on different levels, so no one would think she was stealing) hoping she would remember it after a few tries lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I walked my dog, then cruised through a happy hour event to see if it was worth attending. It wasn't, but instead of just saying I had to get back to work, I told people I had to walk my dog, so I took her out, not five minutes after she had just peed, and took her all the way to the park and back, knowing she wasn't going to go again, just in case anyone was paying attention to how long we were gone.
Started new job at courier company. It was at the end of a little cul de sac in an industrial area - no freaking parking ANYWHERE! So already 5 mins late, I pull into the company carpark (which I had been prewarned was full and probably wouldn't have a park for me!)
There's one park at the very end next to the dumpsters and HUGE stacks of pallets. It's a tight spot, usually would of noped. But it's a dead end carpark with a 20point turn to get out and I'm already 10 mins late by this point. Also it's Hub time: All the drivers are back in swapping freight. They're watching me pull in with great interest (as ya do when someone new is starting) So fuck it. I'm too awkward to do the turn with everyone watching.
I ease my car in, by ease I mean SCRAPE it along the car beside it. Nestled in niiiiiice and tight. I also knock over the sky high tower of pallets all over my peice of shit car.
So I'm parked. But I can't get out coz; pallets on one side. and I'm actually scraped (or merged with?) the car beside me. So I do the classy thing and climb out the boot.
Weirdly enough, even though EVERYONE saw it. it was never mentioned to my face. I was shitting myself about it for weeks because it turned out: the car I rubbed mine all over was the big bosses! opps
In college, I had a crush on this girl I knew who always spent time in the library, she would move locations within the library, so I use to show up to the library and take a walk around hoping I'd run into her. When I finally saw her, I'd tell her "wow let me study with you." When I had to actually study, I'd study with her, when I didn't I'd just sit across and watch a movie.
I work in a pharmacy that's in a grocery store. Almost everyday, I say bye to everyone I'm working with and then realize that we're about to walk in the same direction to leave. There have been so many times that I've pretended that I have groceries to buy, so I end up walking around the store aimlessly for a few minutes instead of just saying "oh looks like we're walking the same way." I have no idea why I do it.
Before I got glasses but after my eyesight got bad, I would intentionally always focus intently straight ahead or something when there were people who I couldn't see well enough to recognize around so there was a plausible explanation for me not noticing them waving at me, or for me not recognizing them.
Had to leave my PE class to grab something from my locker. When I came back the gym was empty and I couldn't remember what classroom they said they were going to be in.
I wandered around in complete panic peering in classroom windows to try and find them. No luck. So I went to the front office and told them I was sick and I needed to go home immediately rather than confess I didn't remember where my class was.
I must have looked as stricken as I felt because they called my mother without asking questions.
One time in spanish class in high school, the bell rang and it was time to leave. I stood up super quickly to head out but when I whipped around, my backpack strap flung out and smacked some girl in the face and she started crying. It took me a couple seconds to realize what had happened and her friend was consoling her as they both watched me leave. My social anxiety was so god awful at that point that I just nope'd right out of there. Still kinda feel bad lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple years back I was going to a shady after-hours club with this DJ friend of mine. He walked down the stairs ahead of me and was shaking hands like only cool black people can, and greeting all the people who worked there as he knew them. This massive black guy stands in front of my with his arms out so I give me a hug and say whats up only for him to go "no, I'm searching you bro". He was security and was gesturing for me to stretch my arms out for a body search FML
NTJ2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought food and ate at a Subway restaurant alone on my lunch break. Tried to leave but the double doors wouldn't open. Tried both doors multiple times. It was lunch time, i knew they werent closed or anything. I didnt want to ask an employee for help because I would look like an idiot. Got embarrassed and sat down. Waited 5 minutes until the next customer was leaving, they opened the door no problem and I hurried up behind them and followed them through the door.
Ac3918 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my first ever meet the parents I forgot how to use utensils. During dinner I took a fork and knife and began cutting the piece of bread into small chunks to eat while everyone else gave me a weird look, picked up their slice of bread (using their hands), and chowed away.
Marrinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in my single digits, I was at baseball practice playing outfield and had to pee. I was too nervous to leave the field to go pee so I just peed my pants. When people asked what the wet spot was, I told them i fell in a puddle. There wasn't any water anywhere...
At my new school I planned on microwaving the fresh-out-of-fridge ravioli my mom packed for me at lunch. Me, with no self-esteem couldn't work up the courage to go up to the microwave in the middle of the cafeteria and warm up my food. Instead, I instantly open it up and it eat the cold ravioli. All of it. Apparently I couldn't just sit there and do nothing, so I ate cold food.
Arogyth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at my job pretty late, and a new girl was there too, working on a different part of the same project. (For context, we are both engineers.) In previous conversations with her, she seemed pretty cool, and I wouldn't have minded hanging out with her some more outside of work. For some reason, I choked and instead of coming up with some sort of event or thing to do, I asked her if she wanted my number. Then I realized it sounded like I was trying to pick her up, which I wasn't. When I realized that, I back pedaled, and tried to give a good reason for it. I think it was something along the lines of "You know, since you're new here, and I don't really have any friends either."
From there, I just kept digging the hole. We still ended up exchanging numbers, but we never hung out. I moved to a different job a few months later.
mudkipqt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fourth grade my family moved to a different neighborhood in the same city. Me and my childhood best friend who still lived in my old neighborhood coordinated a play date. My parents mom drops me off and leaves. I forget exactly what I did next, but found out he wasn't home from his brother who was leaving. Instead of going inside like it was my house, like I did for years prior to moving, and asking his mom where he was, I spent what seemed like an eternity in his driveway trying not to be seen.
Eventually he comes out of the woods; there was a trail to another close by neighborhood. And said he was at another friends house cuz he thought I was coming later. We played catch for 20 minutes and my mom came and brought me home.
So it was the first day of my internship with a pretty big film director. The director came in, and was carrying some film props. A friend of mine there introduced me, and because he was carrying things, extended his elbow to me instead of his hand. So I shoot his elbow. I think he wanted me to do something more akin to a fist bump. It was super awkward, and it still hurts to think about haha.
Worked for subway for like two weeks when I was 14, got my dumb ass locked in the walk in freezer for about 5 minutes before the other person on shift was like 'where the hell is this kid' and eventually found me. This concluded my two week career making sandwiches
I'm English Canadian and my in laws are European.
They would great me with the double kiss cheek thing. I'm pretty uncoordinated and kissed the wrong side of the face first and accidentally kissed my father in law on the lips. I have also kissed his ear. I gave up the kissing and now I just give him hugs which is awkward for him. He kind of stands there frozen.
New job. Couldn't remember how to do a specific thing that I had learned to do way back in college. Hid in the bathroom stall with Bluetooth headphones and watched instructional videos on my phone
When I was about 6 or 7 I had to go to a meeting with my mom at a corporate office. I sat down on the leather couch at reception and played my gameboy. I had been having to go to the restroom for about three hours before we went to the meeting, but for some reason never went. So I just sat on the leather couch and shit in my sweatpants and sat there like nothing happened for about an hour. When the meeting got out and everyone excited the room they all start gagging and covering there nose. Everyone ran to the elevator and my mom grabbed my hand and ran with them to the elevator. I moved to a corner so no one could see the back of my pants. They are start talking about how horrible it smelled and one lady said that it was probably new manure in the plants......In the car my mom said that she should still smell it.....We got home and I took of my pants and superman underware and threw it away.....I have never told anyone.
In first grade we had reading time and we would all huddle around the teacher while she read the story. Well I was extremely shy and I had to use the restroom. Instead of raising my hand and asking to use the restroom I just shit my pants right there during story time lol. They ended up calling my parents and sending me home haha.
Pretending to talk on the phone when you're trying to avoid talking to someone.. "Ah yes, how rude of her to speak like that.. yeah no I'm free tonight... Tony said I'll need to wash the car tomorrow.."
I hate going in for handshakes. Last night this guy tried to shake my hand and I used the wrong hand and it ended up being like...a hand holding thing for a second. So I was like โhaha awkward handshakeโ and backed away from the conversation.
Job interview with a several high-up folks at a team I really respected. They decided to do the lunch thing and took me to sushi. I'd never eaten an edamame before (lol midwestern boy). Nervous as hell, saw a green thing that looked like a snap pea, popped it in my mouth whole. Didn't repeat the mistake but you better believe I swallowed that rather than admitting that I'd messed up badly.
I continue to cover the built-in videocam lens on my workphone with a sticky note (out of paranoia) even though there is a physical feature on the phone that allows you to slide a piece of plastic over the lens.
I was never very athletic in HS, and usually stood back during sports events.
One day during a basket ball I was doing my usual standing around near the wall when the ball ended up heading in my direction and I caught it. In an akward pre-teen panic I randomly threw the ball back toward the court......right into some girls face.
Girl smacked me, and a nearby teacher who saw the whole thing told me I deserved it.
I forgot someoneโs name after they first introduced themselves and then we ended up having to work together in a group project or something. So I ended up doing verbal gymnastics to avoid using their name instead of just fessing up to not knowing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked 200 blocks to work cause I was too scared to jump the turnstile.
This happened years ago. There was this guy (MB guy) who worked in a grocery store. Before I ever saw him, I used to dream about him every now and then. Then when I did see him for the first time, our eyes locked. And not in the romantic movie scene kind of way. The "I can't break eye contact because I dream about you" kind of way. I have no idea why he didn't break eye contact. Anyway, so every day I'd go in there, we always stared at each other. It used to make my heart beat like crazy (no idea why), I couldn't speak around him.... It sounds corny, but it isn't what you think. I swear.
So, I'm always trying to help people out, give them rides if I see they walk regularly, help them with groceries, need a hand moving furniture I'm the gal to call. Well, a few months or years go by, I can't remember which one and I was heading to my parents house and saw MB Guy walking. At this point, I had a dream about him at least four times a week. Nothing perverted or anything, just mundane shit like getting something to eat at a fast food joint, watching TV, going to the state fair. Anything and everything of normal day life. Never together in my dreams, always independently but it was driving me insane. Anyway, so I see him walking and stop to see if he needs a ride. I do it for everyone else, why should he be the exception? He says no. So instead saying okay and driving away (this is the dumb part) I blurt out "I dream about you almost every night and I don't know why but it's driving me insane". He just kind of stares at me...... I was mortified. I wanted to die right there on the fucking spot. So I got back in my car and left. Just fucking high tailed it out of there. Well I keep going to the store that he works at but always avoid him and always avoid eye contact after that encounter. I could still feel him staring at me. Anyway, a few months go by and I don't see him. Finally I'm thinking "great! I don't have to feel embarrassed anymore". Well, no. I was wrong. He switched to the meat department. Then another store in another city, then back to my grocery store all in about a year. So once again the intense eye staring contest starts back up. After a few years, I'm less awkward around him. I'm hoping that he forgets all about it. And I end up getting a job in the same grocery store. Man, that was awkward at first. We were in different departments. Well after a year of working there, I moved to produce and he still worked in the meat department. I've been in produce for a year and during the hurricane, they needed help back in meat so they asked me if I could help out. I said I would do what I could. Two days of intense meat wrapping, no awkwardness, we both had a job to do and I loved working back there because of the chaos. I had already been offered a position back there a couple of times but I didn't think I could do it because of him. Also, I'd never had a real conversation with him because..... Well awkward. Anyway, so after the two days, my store manager tells me if I wanna switch departments, he'll let me. I mention it to MB guy and he turns to me and says "Joliesmomma, all it takes is common sense to work back here. You're quick on your feet, you've already accomplished more work in the two days that you've been back here than our new hire has in three weeks. If you DON'T move back here, I'll be mad because you can do this and we need good help back here." So now I'm on the track to moving completely to the meat department. Also, it's no longer awkward between us, and neither one of us has ever mentioned The Encounter.
TL;DR I accidentally stalked a guy who worked in a grocery store, said"I dream about you almost every night" and now we work side by side.
Delivered a package to an office on the 13th floor of a building. I already felt like people were staring at me. Therefore, when I went through the wrong door, into the stairwell, and the door I went through LOCKED.....I didnโt attempt to knock for them to let me back in, I just walked down the stairs to the bottom in hopes that I would find a way back to where I was parked. Luckily the bottom floor connected to the garage off the stairs.
dtyler86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was at sleep away camp, only for a week though, I held my shit for a whole week because there were girls I liked and was terrified after other boys publicly bullied others when they shit. I never noticed my friends shitting so held it in. That and the toilets were absolutely disgusting.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got into a relationship because breaking it off would be too awkward
Quite late to the party but i'll give my story anyway.
I was walking to go get some lunch and realised i left my wallet back at my desk. Instead of just turning back, i thought it would be weird to just turn around on the spot and head back in the same direction. I pulled out my phone and loudly pretended to have a conversation about why i'm needed to go back to the office... i didn't get lunch that day.
Peed the bed while drunk at a crush's house and claimed I spilt a glass of water in the middle of the night. He believed me and did not change his sheets for weeks. I finally told him months later and he had no clue what I was talking about.
I was meant to be at a theatre to run sound effects for a show at 7:30pm. After missing the bus into town, I thought, "No problem, I'll just walk. It's not that far, right?"
So after hanging out in town with my friend for about an hour, I end up back at the bus stop. Bus was meant to show up at 6:37pm.... it never showed up. As 6:37pm turned into 6:40 and then 6:45, I texted the man I was working for, and told him that I'd missed the bus. Instead of accepting his offer of a ride back to the theatre, my dumb ass decided to walk the way back to the theatre. Took me half an hour and was cold as all hell outside (middle of winter), but I got there in plenty of time to get ready.
I can't carry a tune in a bucket. So I usually stay out of it during family sing a longs (yup a real thing in our family). But I LOVE to sing, so eventually I bust out my tone deaf, single note version of Bad World cause I can't help myself. Everyone suffers in the end.
During the summer before 7th grade, I got new neighbours. I lived in the boonies and it was rare to have neighbours with kids, let alone my and my sister's age. These new neighbours had daughters both of our ages.
One day we saw them outside, so my sister and I went outside and started playing catch, and were quietly whispering "you go say hi!" "No! You go say hi!". Finally I got a brilliant idea to "accidentally" over throw the ball. I miscalculated. I pegged their dad in the head with the ball. I hadn't seen him kneeling in the garden... Ooops.
Something I do now, that I've actually been talking to my CBT counsellor about - if I see someone I was friends with before my debilitating anxiety took over my life - I hide behind my SO who is 6.5 feet tall. At 5 feet tall, it makes it easy for me to hide and dash into a different stores to get away. One day I will work up the courage to say hi to people in person again. One day.
m50d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Checked into a hotel in China and was pretty stressed from my flight. Saw in the directory that they had a spa on the third floor that did massages and that sounded like a good idea, went down and said I'd like one, they asked for my room number and told me 10 minutes. In my jetlagged state I'm like ok that's a bit weird but whatever. So the girl comes in and massages me a bit and then pulls out a condom and at that point I'm just too awkward and British particularly with the language barrier to say this wasn't actually what I was after. So I just roll with it and try to get it over with so I can get some sleep.
My first day of my first job at Burger King, I went to go get some stuff out of the freezer. The door closed behind me and it didn't have a handle on the inside.
I just stood there with a box of frozen burgers in my arms thinking, "Well, guess I'm gonna die in the freezer on my first day." My manager opened the door and looked at me super confused.
"Uhh, what's going on?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that I totally brain farted and didn't think to just push the door open.
SARS11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got off the train the wrong stop. Was too embarassed to get back on so I waited for the next train. I was late for school
I accidentally bought 54 beers instead of 30. I left the 24 pack in my cart and forgot to take it out. Was too embarrassed to tell the cashier that I didn't want the 24 pack.
Got too close to the counter at a fast food store when I wasn't hungry and so ended up catching the attention of the attendant and being too awkward to say I didn't want anything, I just bought the cheapest thing on the menu
Megzor06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 6th grade I went to my first after-school club (I can't remember what it was) with snacks and soda, and I had to pee really badly. During school, we had to raise our hands and ask the teacher for permission to leave the room during class to go to the bathroom, and since I was new to middle school, I assumed that I had to ask permission to leave the classroom after school, too. (Turns out I was wrong). So instead of asking one of the adults in the room if I could go to the bathroom (which wasn't even necessary), I decide to pee my pants while sitting in a chair, at a table with a few friends, because I was so fucking awkward and anxious being in a new place. As soon as I was almost done peeing in my chair, I took my sprite and pretended to spill it on my pants, attempting to cover my pee stains and the puddle on the floor. Amazingly enough, everyone believed me and couldn't smell my pee (or maybe they just felt bad for me and didn't mention anything?) and one of the adults in the room took me to the bathroom and helped me dry my pants with the hand dryer. I never went back to that after school club.
I once sat by the dinner table eating with some relatives I rarely see. One of them says something I didnt hear, so to not be awkward I just laughed and then ate some more. Then I noticed everyone watching me and Im like "Wait, what did you say again?". Turnes out he asked me a direct question and I was to awkward to ask him repeat it and just pretended to hear what he said.
When I was 6 I burn one of my fingertips with auto cigarette lighter, like hardcore burn, even 21 year later I don't feel much with this finger. And I was so shy, I cried silently even without sobbing, just tears rolled from eyes, but didn't say anything until someone noticed.
Just a few hours ago, my husband and I walked out to the car and I realized it was raining so I said, โOoh, itโs sprinkle dinkles out.โ And I said it loud. To my surprise, we had a new neighbor sitting on the porch who said, โHey neighbor.โ He was an older man. We greeted him back and got in the car.
This maybe doesn't count because the normal thing would have been to not say anything but:
I had a terrible cold and went to buy Sudafed. The lady ringing me up also had a cold so we were talking about medicine and she asked did Sudafed make you sleepy. Instead of being a normal human, I said "No! Its the same stuff they put in METH!" I could hear the word "meth" echoing back into my brain for days afterwards. What the fuck is wrong with me.
The sophomore lockers in my high school were placed on the lower level of the school, simply because my private school was underfunded and crowded due to budget cuts and inability to upgrade the building. The stairs I ahd to walk down every day to get my stuff for each class was like a death trap; everyday, somebody fell down it, and even if there was an elevator, nobody was allowed to use it.
It was the beginning of the year, a day before fall break, when I basically tossed myself down the stairs. While all my stuff stayed in my hands, I ended up breaking my fibula on the way down. I didn't feel it though, mostly because I was so embarrassed and shocked that my heart decided to toss some adrenaline in my system. I did not say anything to anybody who tried to help me up and instead kept my eyes down as I struggled up and tried to walk.
My notebook fell to the ground, and in my scramble to pick it up again, now even more embarrassed, I leaned heavily to my left, the leg my fibula had broken in. I crumbled and now suddenly realized, 'wow, my leg really does not feel great'. Now I was crying, and my cheeks were red and everybody was staring.
Later that day, I hit myself in the eye while trying to get a piece of gum from one of those aluminum packages. It was a pretty awesome day for me.
I was with my boyfriend of the time and we were grabbing McDonald's for breakfast. We were paying separately so I was waiting behind him and for some reason the people who came in after us didn't understand I was in line. I had 3 people cut in front of me because I didn't want to say anything. After I finally ordered one of the people who had cut me saw me ordering and ran up to me and started apologizing profusely. It was incredibly uncomfortable and not to mention my boyfriend got mad at me for not saying anything.
Wyannor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Note : I live in a country where we have two words for 'you' (the polite/respectful one, and the casual one). So a few years ago I had an internship in a cultural organization. Everyone was quite friendly and I had been told I could address my co-workers casually. But I could never bring myself to use the 'casual you' when speaking to my boss.
So during six months I rephrased every sentence I told him so there wouldn't be any 'you' in it. It actually worked.
Aciddro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came out of the store to see another car parked next to mine. This was back in high school and it was a girl I had known for a while but never really talked to. She said hello and complimented my hair. Then I told her she had a nice smile and left
i'm late to the party, but i hope you can get a kick out of my awkwardness.
I spent the summer with my SO in Japan this year. While he was at work I was basically left to my own devices in our apartment (I was doing a research paper at the time).
After the first week I had urine trouble and I thought, "No biggie, I'll just buy me some cranberry juice." The thing was, my suburby area had no cranberry juice for sale, not in the supermarkets or anything. As a last resort I tried asking at the fruit-shop right next to our apartment.
Surprise surprise, there was no cranberry juice. The nice lady (in her 50s or 60s) had never even heard of cranberries. She tried to sell me other types of juice, but of course, I didn't want any. But she was really nice about it, so I didn't want to be like, 'kthxbai' and walk out of there.
Now instead of politely thanking her and leaving the store, I decided to make up a story about why it absolutely HAD to be cranberry juice and not any other juice. And of course I was too awkward to tell her I had urine trouble so I needed cranberry juice.
My dumbass brain's solution was to tell her that 'someone in my family is ill, and he needs cranberry juice.' I thought I was brilliant. I had avoided the gross issue of urine, and now she could leave me alone!
But the nice lady was too nice. She looked genuinely concerned. "I'm going to the fruit wholesale market later today, maybe I could ask around for you?"
Fuck.
"Nononono I couldn't trouble you for that, I'll just look for it somewhere else..."
"It's no trouble at all! After all, you must be worried about your family, right?"
FUCKFUCKFUKFUKFUKFUK
"It's ok... it's just... uh... I'll order it online and uh.... it's not very urgent.... Thanks!" And I hurry out of there.
I'm never making up a last minute lie ever again. It's all carefully articulated lies from here on out.
When I started going through puberty, I wasn't really quite sure how to tell my mom that stuff was happening so she could buy me razors and pads and everything. But I knew the normal things to expect because she had taught me about it, and I'd started sex ed in school. So when i started growing armpit hair, I spent maybe a week and a half trying to figure out how to broach the subject with her. Then finally one day I walked into a room where I knew she was, pretended I didn't know she was around, lifted up my arm and said "oh wow!" She immediately was like "Oh my goodness sweetie! Blah blah blah" and helped me with it like the normal, accepting woman that she is, and I was just relieved that I'd gotten it over with.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being a pushover and letting others walk all over me.
The sad thing is this happens all the time because many people are feel awkward and have trouble saying no / establishing healthy boundaries.
When I was 13 I was at a pizza place, and I was ordering some pizza. I didn't have enough money (about five dollars short), so rather than go out and get some money from my mom when she was in her car, I decided to try to take money from the tip jar right by the cashier register. I sort of knew that tips were for the workers, but being the dumb kid I was, I thought it was for the workers to give customers more money if they didn't have enough. Well, after the cash register gave a disgusted face, and the cook said "Dude, what the hell? That's the tip jar!" I realized I was doing something wrong, but yet again, didn't know what it was. Those were the days where I only had book-smarts but only book-smarts, so now at least I am not supposed to take money out of a tip jar if I didn't have enough cash.
I hit a home run in high school gym whiffle ball, ran backwards to 3rd base and then forward to home plate. ugghghghghggg
Evanort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a man (I'd say 40yo) who lived down my street, next to a store to which I go at least two times a day. He would be out in front of his house all day and he'd always greet me and make small talk every time I walked by, except he sucked at small talk, always revealed a bit too much info about his life and could keep talking for over half an hour if no one stopped him. It got to the point where my family got mad at me because I took 20ish minutes to go to the store, which is no more than a minute's walk from my house, so instead of facing this man I would circle around my entire block and enter/exit the store through the back door.
He moved out a couple of weeks ago and it took me days to find out because I kept sticking to the alternative route to the store. I ran into him this week (he came to visit a friend of his) and, now gladly, sat down with him for a while and we had a little talk about why he moved out and other stuff. I know every detail of this man's marriage, divorce, new girlfriend, sad breakup, reconciliation, subsequent breakup and current possible reconciliation with his old wife but I still can't bring myself to ask his name.
_Bazuzu_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was having sex with my girlfriend, the phone rang. She was frightened and her bud clamped my rod. After that, all actions were very awkward. I had to wear it on his hands. In the kitchen for martini and in the bathroom for a warm shower. After 20 minutes, she relaxed and I was free.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was on a work trip far away from home and stopped at a service station. the clerk had such a .. let's call it a rural accent that I couldn't understand a word they were saying. after several times of me going like 'sorry, what?' she came to the conclusion that I was hard of hearing and spoke real loud and used simple words. well, that got the message across, but not why she had assumed.
ryo5210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool, this girl that I had a crushed on and recently confessed to via a letter approached me (*we do not know each others) and asked to borrow the magazine that I was reading. I was so shy and doesn't know how to respond so I just sprint away as fast as I could. That was 11 years ago and she's now married to someone else.
Not me, but my Mum told me when she was younger she really needed to shit while at her boyfriends house but way too embarrassed cos they'd only just started dating. So she shat in his Dads work briefcase and then left.
Was working at the local library as a teenager, the cute slightly older teenage girl who worked there asked me something and I didn't hear her. I said I didn't hear her, then she repeated herself and I still didn't catch it so I said "Oh! I don't do that!" She walked away rather abruptly but I didn't know why...
Turns out she was asking me out, I didn't know that until she overheard me a couple weeks later talking about the new girl I'd met.
jwor024 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately /fortunately not me, but a friend. My mate would've been maybe 15 when this happened. He was in the car with his mum checking out the local 'talent'. A particularly fine lass walked past the car, and my friend started thinking nice thoughts about him and this girl he would never speak to or likely never see again. Now, during those awkward years all lads (I think) have a mate obsessed with pornography and masturbating, this was said mate. Any hoo. He let his thoughts and daydreams get the better of him and developed a raging boner, which he was able to conceal in the sitting position he was in in the passenger seat. No worries, it would settle.
His mum suddenly pulled over on a busy street, handed him some mail and asked him to pop it in the mail box, perhaps 3-4 steps out of the car.
My friend panicked and said no he wouldn't get out and put the mail in the mail box. Much arguing ensued, with his mum getting increasingly angrier. The car was double parked, there were cars behind them waiting to continue their journeys. It was turning into a scene.
My friend 'stood firm' and refused to wilt to his mums request. She angrily drove off to find a park and he was able to get control of his member.
Friend's erection made it too awkward for him to take 3 steps to deliver mail. Royally wound up mum.
CDRNY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too many awkward moments for me to list on here.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I opened my car door for a girl then closed it. Then I said "oh, wait" out loud, fished out my keys that I had put away after the initial unlocking, then I locked her in.
dave_f_b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I full shat my pants in my bedroom because my housemate was using the shower next to the toilet, and I don't like shitting near people.
Twice.
For Christmas when I was 9 I got a knife. Before opening it my parents gave me a rather long talk about how dangerous they are and if I cut myself they will take it away. To which I assured them im smart and understand how to not cut myself.
Not 5 minutes later im trying to open a plastic package, one of those dumb hard plastic ones, and the knife slips and slices right into the meat of my palm. Pretty big cut, I felt really stupid. I just put my snow mittens on and put pressure on the cut for a long time.
At college we have cleaners who three times a week change the bin in our rooms. Everytime they knock before coming in I quickly run into my closet because I'm too awkward to say hello
One time I showed up later than usual to a college class, and it was the day of our first exam for that semester. Most of the class had already filed in and when I entered, lots of people were standing around...
...Nothing wrong there...
...it was A pretty normal occurence, as students were always chatting and walking around the room before class started, so I just assumed they were socializing.
I proceed to take a seat at a desk, and start busting out the pencils, notes (we were allowed to use one page for formula referencing - t'was a stats course), calculator, scratch paper, etc etc etc.
And then I notice something.
The professor has been walking in between the tables and taking every other chair and placing it on opposite side of table so that everyone was diagonal from their neighbors and couldn't see any tests to their immediate left or right.
And everyone was standing while he arranged the chairs as such. He must have announced this before I arrived. Because I do a quick glimpse behind me and realize I'm the only fucking person sitting. I wasn't expecting this exam ritual of his - it was the first exam of semester like I said, so this shit caught me off guard.
Now, a normal person would just say "oh woops" cue laughter from a few peers followed by lighthearted joke from professor and then stand up and wait on the side with everyone else until he was done.
But as an autistic cringelord, I opted for a different page of the playbook. I remained seated and started looking through my notes as if I was unaware of my mistake still. The professor is approaching my end of the table (long stretch tables, like ~16 people to a row...For visualization purposes).
The professor reaches me. The chair 2 places to my left was placed across the table. Therefore, The chair directly next to me on my left remained where it's at - remember, diagonal pattern.
Yep. The chair i'm in needs to go across the table. I continue looking through notes like I'm unaware of the 50 pairs of eyes staring at me. I've already committed to this play when I first sat down, and I'm not about to change the game plan now. I'm ridin' this thing to the end.
There's silence as the professor realizes he needs to move my chair and I'm seated and seemingly unaware of whats going on. For some reason, the professor says nothing. Not one word.
Instead, he places the chair left of me, across the table...
...and then works his way all the way back down to the end of the table, pulling chairs from across the table, and placing other ones back over the table, essentially reconfiguring the seating pattern to accomodate my position at the table. He had to shift everything one over, to keep the diagonal seating arrangement without having to move my seat.
I can hear snickering and confusion and whispers as the class is watching this 60 year old professor re-do his physical efforts because I'm awkwardly frozen facedown into my notes, waiting for the searing hot awkward moment to finally end but dear god, minutes turn to eras, and I keep thinking "why the fuck didn't i stand up and move?? Well too late now, it'll just be weird now if i did it."
Anyway...failed the exam, failed the course, attempted a 2nd time, withdrew course before imminent failure, dropped out of college with 114 credits of 120 needed for sociology BA. 3 credits would come from that stats course (mandatory course), and the remaining 3 from senior project/practicum (stats completion is prerequisite, so cant even register for this yet).
Sociology program is completed, all other grad reqs completed, straight A's on several previous semesters, aced calculus and trig in high school, aced college algebra req, never was too weak in math, but then....stats.
I just cannot grasp it. Hours of tutoring, one-on-one with instructor, study group with peers...but no. My mind just....there's nothing there. I've suffered through classes I lacked interest in and could still manage to learn the material, but stats...I just don't know why, but my head turns off. I check out.
All that work in college, and nothing to show for it. Cuz muh stats, and not normal stats like mean/med/mode and percentages, decimals, fractions, probability outcome, etc.
No, this HASSSSS to be social statistics. whatever the fuck that is.
Okay I'm rambling. Long story short, I'm now a meth-addicted security guard. All the finals weeks. All the tuition. The studying. The labs. The essays.
And no degree for me. EDUCATION IS SO IMPORTANT GUISE.
Psh. Anyway, that's my weird moment or whatever. Fuck stats.
xsyruhp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually have a good story for this one. Back in elementary school I was trying to prank my locker mate by hiding in the locker and scaring him once he came to school. Unfortunately, he didn't show up that day and I couldn't manage to get out on my own so I started screaming and banging the locker. Someone from the office found me and I blamed a 4th grader I knew only by name, saying he pushed me into the locker and ran away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I took pizza from the shared break room at work. We had been having meetings every night for a new system but the managers had their meetings during the day. I thought it was left over from the previous night and grabbed a slice. As I heated it up a lady I didnโt recognize (and I assumed was a manager from one of our other offices) gave me a dirty look. In that moment I thought I had stolen the pizza that had been catered that morning for lunch. I didnโt want to be seen eating it so I literally ate the pizza in a stairwell.
I was super awkward in middle school. One time my 6th grade teacher called me out to the hallway to praise me on my professionalism in a group project the day before. As she turned to look back into the classroom, I thought she was turning her face as a signal that she wanted me to kiss her cheek so I did. She just looks at me and says "thank you". Realized after I walked back in the class that she was in fact not wanting a kiss on the cheek.
nxcrosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was lining up to pay for groceries and was halfway to the counter when i realized I was in the priority lane for people with disabilities and there were actually some behind me. So I limped the rest of the way to the cashier instead of switching lanes.
People who organised a big council Party that my wife worked at announced, at the end, that the remainder of the food could be doggy bagged if people wanted some.
To my wife's horror, drunken me waltzed over to an untouched 24" by 8" high black forest gateaux, picked it up, and walked out of the building beside her with it.
Her complete embarrassment was compounded when, half way down the stone steps outside the building, I tripped and dropped the gateaux.
To a resounding 'whoopsey', I walked around the 10 foot long smear of cake on the pavement, grabbed my wife by the arm, and walked her around the cake and away; as any perfect gentleman would.
I've been getting guitar lessons since March from a really awesome teacher whose taught me a lot! But I never asked his name so at this point I have no idea what his name is
I had a crush on a guy at my high school. We were talking one day after school and it came out he liked me too. I was horrified at the prospect of an impending date, because I was insanely shy and scared of boys at this time in my life. The next day when I saw him coming through a crowd, across the cafeteria, to square away the details of our date, I decided to HIDE UNDER A TABLE until he left! Why I thought that was a good idea, Iโll never know.
probably me as a little kid peeing in my pants since i was too shy to ask to go to the restroom.
T680 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I went to watch a show where the slope of the audience (you know how each row is on a higher level so everyone can see?) was the steepest I'd ever seen. The top of one chair ended at the foot level of another. So naturally I rested my feet on the top of the seat in front of me. Enter lady who sits on the row in front of me and nonchalantly rests her arm on the empty seat next to her. Right on my feet. For most of the hour long show I couldn't concentrate on the show and only on her arm on my feet and how to get it off. Eventually I just sucked it up and shifted my legs off the seat. I can't imagine what she thought had happened but it wouldn't have been good because she proceeds to propel herself off the seat, electric shock style.
When I was in third grade, I accidentally walked into the guyโs bathroom and there was another kid in there who had just finished using the bathroom. Instead of backing out I said hi to him :/
Ardub23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a GameStop near me that I don't know how to drive to. Like, I know where it is, and I could tell you at any time what direction it's in and how far, but when I'm actually on the roads they all go in the wrong direction. I'm pretty sure that being physically inside an automobile causes the geography to warp and prevent me from reaching it. Every single other building in the area exists within normal Euclidian space, but this GameStop is encompassed by wormholes whenever I'm driving. So instead I park in a different parking lot and walk about a block, every time.
Was at an event at a swanky rooftop having a conversation with two of my buddies (we'll call them R and C). Theres this really tall dude who's been swanning 'round the bar all night acting like a bit of a twat because he "promoted the event" walks past us.
R says to C: "Who is that guy?"
To which C replies: "Ah I met him before, he's a douche bag."
As it turns out, the promoter guy was in ear shot, so he turns round and says "I agree..".
At this point C panics, he doesn't know where to look, this guy has a solid foot of height on him. So, in his blind panic of the social faux pas he's just made, C reaches out with his index finger and touches this guys nipple whilst simultaneously saying "Nipplllleeeee!" With an upwards inflection.
Tall guy was dumbfounded, everyone else went back to their respective conversations and the whole thing was forgotten until the next morning.
When I was in high school, I attended the wrong gym class for a week. It was a giant school with multiple gyms and several PE sections going on at once, but our schedules only had "GYM" listed for the room, so I didn't know where to go. The teacher's name was listed, but I didn't know what he looked like. So on the first day of class, I found a male teacher and some people in my grade I knew and thought, "This must be the right class." Then he called attendance and my name wasn't on there. Whoops. I was too embarrassed to ask where my class was supposed to be and didn't want to admit to friends in the class that I had gone to their class by mistake, so I just kept attending.
Eventually, I got called to the attendance office because I had been marked absent for gym every day for that week. I shamefully admitted what had been going on, and they cleared me (which was a big relief). I think I lied and told my friends I had been moved to even out the class sizes or something. Who knows if they believed me.
I went to upgrade my iphone recently but they didn't have the colour I wanted, so they told me to go to their other store in the same mall and see if they had one there (they couldn't call across and check because one was privately owned).
I left to find the other store but got horribly lost because I have a shit sense of direction, and thought I was walking up to the other store when the same staff member came walking out for their break and spotted me, saying "Oh, they didn't have any? No worries, I've put the last phone on hold for you, just go in and grab it".
I'd basically done a giant loop and come back to the same store from a different angle, thinking I'd made it to the second store. It was too embarrassed to explain that I'm an idiot so I just bought the phone in the colour I didn't want.
Hitlerov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First month of college they had a red rose sale for sweetest day in the cafeteria in my dorm. There was a girl I was infatuated with. You could have the flower delivered to the person's dorm. Instead of just filling out the little "from" card, I autistically wrote a long stupid note and asked the girls running the sales table to deliver it to her along with the flower. I don't know what the hell I was thinking and still cringe hard at the thought of what happened next.
Turns out that the girls running the sale were her best friends and immediately opened the note and started laughing as I glanced over in horror. I ended up having a few classes with the girl and couldn't even work up the nerve to speak to her. A few months later, my friends and I (along with the rest of the physics class) were working on some difficult computer lab homework. After a particularly brilliant breakthrough on one of the hard problems, I was feeling pretty good. I look up and dreamgirl walks right up to me and says "Oh my god, you got #17 correct? Please help me! How did you figure it out??"
My response?
"...."
and then in my head I'm screaming "say something! Say something cool! Okay say something about the answer! How did you get it? Just show her your work....come on man! What the fuck SAY A WORD!!! JUST SAY SOME FUCKING WORDS!!!!"
"..."
She looks really puzzled as I stand there trying to make any sort of sound come out. My buddy jumps in and says "here, we worked it out like this..." and starts showing her.
Everybody in the computer lab witnessed my frozen weirdness.
I can't even think about it without cringing.
The worst part is that almost all of those people know me as a jovial, outgoing goofball. I still ask myself why it happened and what about this girl made me turn into a retarded mute. Maybe I was supposed to end up with her? I guess I'll never know.
I tried to go the menโs restroom at a store, think itโs locked because I pull and itโs a push door (or vice versa, I donโt remember). I think they must be single occupancy rooms so I just go into the womanโs. Itโs not but I really need to pee so I just go in the first stall. I start peeing but then someone else comes in. I finish up then make a quick escape while they are in the other stall. Someone outside gives me a strange look as a I walk out.
I was extremely tired at this time and it was a riveting experience that I hope to never repeat. No idea why I didnโt try both push/pull on the menโs door.
We just finished dinner at my inlaws' and my stomach was gurgling hardcore. I needed to poop but no way was I blowing up their bathroom. So we leave and I tell my husband we need to stop at the grocery store so I can rush to the bathroom. I'm speed-walking up to the ladies room when another lady walks in first. Damn! I pace around for a minute then walk in. Only 2 stalls. Awesome -_- I get in my stall and pretend to do other things to buy time. Crinkle the toilet seat cover, start unrolling tp, fiddle with my purse... not working. She's taking her sweet time on the John and not leaving me to do my business. We both sit there, neither one going to the bathroom for 5 minutes. I finally give up and leave, telling my husband to drive home fast.
Why can't I just have explosive diarrhea next to someone I don't know in another stall?!?!
I once was invited to eat chinese fondue with my friend's family. There were a few different kinds of meat we would cook in the broth, including chicken. One time, I didn't wait long enough for my chicken piece to cook and when I put it in my mouth, it was very rough and clearly still undercooked but I was too embarrassed to spit it out. I politely ate raw chicken.
edugcj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to two trainees of my company.
I am an accountant and I had a meeting with this client, a huge italian company with a branch in Brazil (3k+ employees here in Brazil), the meeting was with the president, vp, controller, directors, etc and I was going with my partner. When we arrived there, the secretary said "the meeting has already begun", as we enter the meeting room, we saw two trainees from our company sitting at the table, visibly very nervous and sweating, then I asked them what they were doing...
Happened that they were sent earlier by another departament to get some files but the company staff thought they had been sent to the meeting.
Instead of saying that they were there just to get files, they were so nervous about entering in the meeting room with the board that they did not say anything, just sat there for about 20 minutes!
When they explained what was happening, everyone laughed a lot! The trainees blushed and left the meeting room ashamed. This happened a few years ago, but I always laugh a lot when I remember.
I'm not sure if this was more awkward for me or the other person. My friend was going to pick me up in his van and he said he was on his way. He is usually close by so it takes him like 5 minutes to get to my house. I saw a van and assumed he arrived and that he just went to the liquor store next to my house. I vaguely remembered seeing his wife before, but I wasn't sure. So being the awkward person that I am, I hop in the back of the van without saying hello and sat there for like 2, 3 minutes. I was just thinking in my head why she was tagging along. Next thing you know, I see him pulling up to my driveway. I tell the lady, wait, you're not with so and so? I just rushed out of there lol.
High school in year 7, hot girl that was into me called me over to her and her group of friends on the last day of the semester and said she was moving schools and asked for my number.. me being the shy, socially awkward person I was, laughed and then left to head home.
I had a crush on this girl whom I tried becoming friends with by... asking about her classes... every time I ran into her because I'm too weird to talk about normal things.
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got one that has been bothering me for a while:
A much older relative thought he had to move his car to let someone else get out of the driveway. Then I was told to go tell him it was not necessary. By the time I got there, I saw him crawling over the back seat because the driver's side door was blocked and he was almost upside down. I did not say anything because I did not want him to know I had seen him that way. I think he ended up moving the car for nothing.
When I used to catch the train every day to school, I often wouldn't get time to eat much before leaving. For an easy snack on the go, I'd bring chopped up carrot sticks and eat them on the train.
One day I dropped a carrot stick on the floor of the train and it landed directly between a teenage boy's legs.
I had no idea what to do. Did I bend down to pick it up, risking head butting the boy in the crotch from the swaying train? Did I ask him to pick up my gross half eaten carrot? I couldn't just leave it because he saw definitely me drop it.
I was too awkward and embarrassed to think of a solution, so I just turned to my friend and laughed hysterically until I felt a tap on my shoulder.
The boy just handed it to me and without saying a word.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upon arriving to a little lake with my friend and her really cool chill dad I realized I needed to pee bad. But you didnโt even have to explain to young me that this wasnโt going to happen in the 1.5min I had left before I emptied my bladder. We had waited all day to go and walked for 34min. Also I was scared to tell her cool dad to please take me pee, thatโs not cool, and heโs the coolest. So thereโs no restroom in sight....... so what do I do????? Pee. Right fucking there in the lake, and thatโs perfect, better than the pool right?.... WRONG!!!!!! When we left and went to McDonalds next I reeked of piss so bad I felt ashamed. Everybody could smell the shame on me a mile away.
twehz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my father's friend. This story kills my sides every time I hear it.
He was meeting his parents in law for the first time. They were having dinner at her parents house. During dinner he felt the need to take a shit. He asked her parents where the toilet was and they pointed at a door just a couple of meters away. He thought to himself I have to be quiet so they don't notice, just a quick in and out.
The bathroom wasn't spacious and there wasn't any lock, just a keyhole. The sink could be reached from the porcelain throne.
As he stepped into the bathroom and came up with brilliant idea to take a square of toilet paper in his hand and let his asshole gently lay it on the sheet. This was to minimize the splashing sound.
He leans on the sink as he proceedes to squeeze it out. His hand slips on the porcelain sink and experiences weightlessness for a brief moment before he slams onto the bathroom floor. She and her parents came storming in to see if he was okay. But all they saw was a grown man holding his turd on the bathroom floor.
En route to a college accounting class, I saw I had about 15 mins til my class started. The halls were empty and it was nice casually walking to class. I figured by the time I get to class it would of started. In my own thoughts nothing was out of the ordinary and so I went into my class and went to my seat. My seat was the furthest away as possible and I had to walk towards the teacher and cross every row and then back down the last row. Basically I did a U in the class. The teacher just stared at me but I at this point thought I was very late because of the look on his face. A few mins in and the class ends and that's when I realized I walked faster than I thought and walked into the class before mine in the most noticable way possible. Ugh
I got my period in the middle of the night while sleeping over at a new boyfriends apartment. He left for work in the morning and I stayed in bed, woke up a few hours later to the sheets absolutely covered in blood. I looked around for a washer/dryer but found none so I decided I'd wash the sheets in the bathtub then hang them to dry until he got home that night. Ten minutes after starting the process I get a text saying he got called off at work and would be coming home early. I was to embarrassed to tell him what happened so I just put the sheets back on the bed soaking wet, covered it with the comforter and left. He asked me about it the next day so I just pretended I knew nothing about it and never spoke of it again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I thought about doing that, also thought about taking it to a laundromat but then I remembered I didn't have any way of getting back in to his apartment to replace the sheets since I didn't have a key.
If you meant I should have bought him new sheets after the fact, you are right but then I'd have had to admit I was the wet sheet culprit all along!
So I was going to ask this girl out, back in the days of sophomore year of high school. She was a lass I was very interested in, and so I had been working up the courage to ask her out, running things I would say over and over again in my mind. I finally go to ask her to a movie and coffee afterwards. I choke the words out, having lost all of my preparation in the heat of the moment. So, what do I do? I go to leave the room after a short, curt 'Alrighty.'
The dumb part was, I didn't turn the doorknob to leave the room. I walked straight into the door. Solid oak doors, too. After that, I turn to the girl, nod, and then successfully walk out of the door, into the teacher who was carrying textbooks. Not a pleasant experience.
In 11th grade I was at lunch when my friend said I dropped my phone. I thank him and pick it up and lunch ends. We go to the bathroom together (strictly business, not pleasure) and I pull my phone out and realize that this isn't my lock screen. We both realize that I picked up the phone belonging to the guy next to me. Instead of giving it back like a human and explaining what happened I just kept it and hoped he'd never realize and I'd slip it into his locker, bag, etc. later that day a group of his friends confronted me and proceeded to harass me and demand for the phone as I silently handed it over and never spoke to them again. we had multiple classes together and played on the same baseball team.
R34CTz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I asked a girl to be my girlfriend by asking her if she likes chicken. I don't know why or how it worked but it did. I still look back at that day and cringe.
srentiln ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in grade school, I had teachers thinking I was two different people, based on how they did their role call. I've always gone by my middle name because my dad has the same first name (thankfully, I'm not a jr.), so when teachers would ask us our names, I gave them my middle name and last name. However, because of how documents are done, the ones that just called out our names from the school's official lists knew me by my first name and often didn't even think of the possibility of a middle name. This happened for years until a teacher decides to tell me about their interesting conversation with my past teachers at the school where they didn't even realise they were all talking about the same person...
At my high school when you go into the lunch line, there are panes of glass that separate the lunch line from the rest of the cafeteria. That day, I decided to look at the food the cafeteria was serving . I didnโt realize there was a person ordering food in front of me behind the glass, and they started laughing because they thought I was staring at them. Instead of going in the lunch line and explaining what I was doing, I walked off and waited for 15 minutes and came back to get my food after making sure they were gone.
I apparently had one of those crushes where you clam up and don't know what you are even doing when s/he gives you attention, it happened when he stopped by my deli and ordered food and I was so shy I couldn't even look up at him until I handed him his order and said bye. This was all made worse because I was and still am in a relationship and so many things were racing through my mind then that I just shut up and hoped my face wasn't red.
OOH, another one! I was seeing my future husband and after a couple of hours of sex I really needed to pee but the bathrooms were taken up...so I grabbed one of those large gas station cups he had laying around and nearly filled it while we sat on the edge of the bed in silence. He didn't flip out, he just made a comment about how weird it was and we now laugh at it.
One time my mom had a lady come over to clean our house, and I didn't know about it, so when she got there I hid behind the dining room table (which was VERY obvious bc of my house structure). I hid there for at least half an hour before my mom distracted her long enough for me to scurry away.
Draz825 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After college, I got hired for a job at a DVD Duplicator/Riding Train company. No, I have no idea why they did both of them. Anyway, the Secretary at the front desk was incredibly beautiful. The first day I walked in, I saw her and awkwardly tripped on the entry carpet. She didn't notice, thankfully. Second day, I did the same thing again. Third day, I told myself there is absolutely no way this is going to happen again... After tripping on the carpet a third time in a row, I decided to take the side stairs and bypass the main lobby. And every day after that until I got a new job.
Ikhlas37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last night, got in the lift pressed floor 10, it didnโt light up but the button lights are a bit faulty. It didnโt stop at ten, the group in the lift saw me press ten but in my head it was far less awkward to press 20 (they were going to 19 and embrace it.
I got off at 20, and the lift to go down had just opened and i saw someone going in (and they saw me) so i waited on floor 20 for 5 mins waiting for the next lift to take me back to floor 10.
My family was very religious and they expected me and all my cousins to be at church every Sunday. They didnโt know I never went and I would always sneak off to my cousins house. My cousins house is a two story house with an upstairs patio thingy outside, donโt know what theyโre called.
One Sunday, one of my uncles, who is a reverend, decides to make a stop at my cousins house during church time. Most definitely to mess with me. I drop nuts as soon as I hear him talking to my older cousins downstairs. He kept dropping hints that he knew I was hiding out upstairs, talking loud enough for me to hear.
Instead of being normal and going downstairs I decide to sneak out and climb down the side of my cousins house from the upstairs patio thingy.
I felt like Spider-Man but I know I looked really weird sneaking out of my own families house.
Had a job interview that just gave me signs to run away at every turn but I was offered the job at the end and didn't know how to say no. I work there now and hate every shift...
My ex, the first guy I ever lived with, I refused to go #2 for two weeks. I wouldn't even fart. I was scared he would know. At the end of the two weeks I was crying in pain and decided to tell him. He laughed at me and farted. So naturally, we just has gas wars the 2 1/2 years we lasted.
I took a detour when walking to a friend's house to avoid a lollypop man. The detour took an extra 20 minutes and I got lost but goddammit I won't let someone tell me when and where to cross a road!
Long time ago, I went to best buy to buy some ram, nerve racking as that was. The employee grabbed some and handed it to me, I saw it was the wrong kind... I bought it anyway because I didn't want to say anything.
Went to a different best buy to return it and a get the right kind.
Yep. Not sure how I wound up turning into nearly opposite of that now.
Around 5 years ago when I use to go to church, every year all the churches that were linked to our church would hold a retreat in Korea for a few weeks. During those weeks, the students had to follow a schedule that started at 5am so essentially we would all be pretty tired to start the day. We were staying at this building with about 6-7 floor so there were elevators. There was one elevator that wasn't meant to ride on but one of those elevators that was meant to transport like machinery and heavy materials but this elevator was no longer functioning. Perfect. Everyday me and 3 of my friends, when we had to wake up and go to prayer meeting or whatever would sneak in to the elevator w our sleeping bags and squish in the elevator to get some extra sleep. Well one day we woke up and decided to sneak back and wash as if nothing happened like usual. We open the elevator doors and we see a huge circle of pastors having a meeting right in front of the elevator. Omg it was so awkward and scary. But imagine from the pastors eyes seeing 4 kids who look like they just woke up carrying sleeping bags coming out of an elevator that wasn't even functioning walk out when they should be in a prayer meeting. We literally walked with our heads down so scared but the pastors didn't say ANYTHING lmao. I imagine they were all the like "what...the...fuck.." that they didn't know what to say. Still cracks me up how awkward it was.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was intimidated such that I felt that peeing my pants was a good solution in junior high. Photography class. In the dark room. Need to pee. Photos about a half an hour from finished in the chemicals. Teacher is arrogant bald angry guy. Remember teacher saying never ever to leave darkroom. Try to respect his instruction. Problem. Must piss. Open the spinning darkroom door. Take a couple of tiptoe steps. "Purgatory_Dog! Get back in there immediately!" Everyone in class now staring at me. Don't want to say I have to pee in front of entire class. Go back in. Desperately rack brain for solution. Check drains in floor. Can't see them in the dark red light. Consider pissing in the sinks. Would have to climb up on several large instruments and pee off of it directly into the drain. 20 minutes go by. I'm about to piss myself. Think-- "What if I just fuckingpissed myself on purpose? It's going to happen anyway. I can't climb up there ffs." Relax and piss my pants. Long piss. Think-- "Ok now what?" Needs to evaporate. Develop pictures perfectly while fanning crotch and thighs. Someone comes in and asks if I'm almost done. I say yeah, hang the prints, and exit with negatives. My plan-- hunch over; pull bottom of t-shirt over knees; walk like this until dry. I did it. People noticed but thought I was just being weird as usual (known as class clown). Ride out the class. Go to bathroom after class. Furiously squeeze pants crotch with paper towels in stall. Still wet. Resume t-shirt ploy. Lunch. Get some laughs for the t-shirt walk. Then after the next class, pants are motherfucking dry. No one knew a god damn thing. I was so proud. I pissed my pants on purpose to avoid grumpy teacher and embarassment, and got away with it. Next day I bragged about how I pissed my pants the day before and no one knew. Mixed reactions, mostly confused.
[middle school; aged 12]It's a bit weird. The "normal thing" would have been to ask her out and deal with whatever happened. What I did was communicate that I liked her through friends and social media (AIM). When she did not respond or reciprocate, I made strange faces at her (clearly communicating that I was displeased with her choice in the most autistic way)....it didn't end up well. I was ostracized and bullied all of my middle school and high school years.
My first full time job at 16 was in a small wholesale business. My role was the storeman, so I spent all my time in the warehouse, only going into the office rarely. I knew that there was a kitchette out the back of the office, but as I was very shy I never used it, as this would have meant making eye contact and awkward conversation with the cute receptionist. Had I been out the back more, I would have noticed that off to the side of the kitchenette we had TOILETS! For the first 6 months or so, I had been doing Number 1's in an empty drink bottle, and Number 2's in my lunch break at a gas station a mile up the road... It would be obvious to most that a small business would have toilet facilities, but not I...
This doesnt really fit but another thing I was always perplexed at was how people who I knew KNEW my last name. I of course knew their full names, but for some reason never thought they would know mine, which made me feel equally suspicious and amazed!
Was like 12 at the time. This girl i found attractive asked me for a hug and i kinda just raised my arms (straight up) above my head and held them there while walking into her. Yeah i was an awkward child.
Lisaista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our kitchen at our office is small so it's awkward to not greet someone especially if you're the only one it in. I also know our kitchen coffee maker takes about two minutes to brew depending on which type you choose, so if I see someone standing alone waiting for their coffee as I'm walking to the kitchen, I'll veer off to the bathroom wait for a minute then go back to avoid making small talk.
jacavo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a friend's house and they had these sticks for lighting candles in a little holder for them, and I was playing with them and accidentally broke the sticks, so instead of just saying that I accidentally broke it and apologizing, I said I had to leave right away, hid what I broke, and left.
boulzar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking with my friend once. He kept looking at his phone and there was this girl waving at us. I went ahead to make a really confused face as i did not recognize her but waved back anyway(she looked real good). It wasnt until we walked up to her(she was kinda far) that my friend looked up and told me he knew her. I awkwardly stood there as they had a chat.
Rich-P ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to visit my sister when I was about 10 years old.
Her block of studio apartments had a communal toilet that was down a couple of flights of stairs. I woke up in the night needing a wee.
I decided that, rather than walk down the stairs and potentially wake anyone up, I would go in my sisters flat.
I had the choice of a small shower in the corner of the room or a bin.
My mother and sister both awoke to the sound of me pissing into the bin.
Iโll never forget the shame of seeing my sister carrying a bin bag full of piss outside the next morning.
Why I didnโt choose the shower Iโll never know.
I like helping people in need if or whenever I can. There is a feeling a reflex action within me that I cannot control when the help needed could be given by me. So in one of those situations I directly asked in English to a woman if she needed help to get to where she wants in the elevator of an airport and tried to reach her with different words but still in English until the doors opened and her husband walked in and they greeted themselves in my mother tongue.
When I was starting to date my SO at 17, I was crazy awkward with his mom and stepdad. We lIved in different towns, so every weekend I went over to meet him at his house.
Upon arrival, he informs me that his grandmother (his mothers mom), had passed away that morning, but he also told me to not say anything to his mom about it.
So... We get to his house and his mom is just leaving to go make the arrangements for the funeral; she is surprised to see me and exclaims "Ines, you're here today?" To which I answer "of course! I'm your surprise of the day"
....
We're still dating (10 years have gone by) and I REALLY hope she doesn't remember this disaster of a conversation...!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last time I had roommates, I didn't know 1 of the 2 of their names until 6 months after moving in.
Story: I toured the place after searching on Craigslist for roommates and met with one guy, who introduced himself as X (his name is not important.) The apartment looked good and the price was fair, so I asked him if anybody else had been touring through. He told me "some guy named Mohammed came through but we couldn't have that." The guy I was talking with was Arabic, so I didn't quite know what to think, but my instinct was to think that it had to be racism or anti-muslim or something. I didn't really question him on it, and in the end the deal was very good, so I moved in despite my reservations about the roommate being a bigot. It was a month-to-month deal so I knew I had a way out, if it was really that bad.
Then I met roommate #2, who was also Arabic, but I didn't catch his name. I was too awkward to just be like "yo didn't catch your name" and so for 6 goddamned months, whenever talking to this guy, it was "Hey" instead of "Hey ___".
Turns out roommate 2's name is Mohammed, and they didn't want the confusion of having to communicate/differentiate between Mohammed #1 and Mohammed #2 in the same apartment.
I once blacked out and woke up at a friend's house. She let me sleep on her bed while she slept on the living room couch. I woke in the middle of the night and felt bad when I realized the situation. So I woke her up and told her to just sleep in her room instead, and that I'd take the couch. A couple
minutes later she comes back out and asks, "...why is my bed wet...?" I fucking pissed the bed and didn't even notice. I told her I accidentally spilled water and just left as fast as I could. I still think about her at times, but fuck I can never face her again.
I used to do janitorial work in an office building and hated that this one security guard would always try to say hi to me every time I passed by their post. It got to the point that I devised numerous ways to avoid contact with her. All because I couldn't just smile and wave.
One time when I was going to the church, I saw someone I knew from the church walking in front of me. She was also heading to the church which I was going to. Her walking pace was slower than me, which meant that I would catch up to her before arriving to the church. I didn't want to walk with her because I didn't have anything to talk with her (I wasn't close with her) and also didn't want to walk past her because it would make me looked rude. So I stopped in the nearby convenient store for some time until she was far enough, then I continued walking.
I live in Melbourne where trams are really common. For ages (might have been months) after I regularly started catching trams, I'd never pull the cord to signal the driver the stop at the next stop. I'd hope someone else would. If they didn't I'd ride past the stop until someone pulled the cord.
Late to the party so this will probably go unseen, but:
When I was 12 years old I watched an american football practice to decide if I want to join.
On the way back home, I needed to get out at a specific spot so I could get my tram.
The name of that stop changed, so I didn't notice that I passed it, and was too awkward to ask the driver when I should get out, so I sat in that bus for 90 minutes before taking the bus back, sitting in there for another 75 minutes where I finally got picked up by my mother.
High school rugby try outs. I misread the time and went to the junior try out (was a senior at the time). Destroyed about 3 or 4 kids when they started complaining I was too old.
We use to take smoke breaks in the back yard of the place I worked at. This girl invited me to go smoke, and I followed her out. She was already at the outside door, and when I came out through the first door I saw her and for some reason ran toward her and pretended to jump and knee her like in a movie or something. I kneed her on the groin and she fell on the floor. We both pretended it didn't happen and walked outside.
Once when I was about 16 i was looking to get my first job at a pizza shop that one of my dad's acquaintances managed. His name is Ray. My name is Jake. Well I called Ray's cell phone and left the following message..." Hi Jake, this is Ray-" I immediately hung up and hated myself more than I ever have in my life. I didn't get the job.
This boy I liked came to see me and I had heard through friends that he liked me too and was going to ask me out. I was super excited, but got so nervous that I pretended I needed to go into the house to get something. Instead I ran out the back door and climbed up into a tree and hid. A 14 year old human, hiding in a tree to avoid talking to a boy she liked.
slimkt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I quit smoking, I had gone from buying a pack a day to cold turkey without cigs for almost a year. One day, I got a promotional coupon for a free e-cig and since I still occasionally got cravings, I decided Iโd hit up the same gas station I used to buy my smokes at and grab one. The cashier handed me my e-cig but then the manager behind me recognized me and expressed surprise at how long itโd been. Instead of just telling them I quit smoking (as sheโs passing me an e-cigarette, mind you) I decided it was easier to just lie and say I moved for school and was just back in town for the weekend. They trapped me in small talk over my rapidly-growing elaborate lie and I had to full on commit. Somehow it got to the point, I told her I was just visiting family before leaving to study abroad. I quickly found myself addicted to nicotine once again and would find myself heading to the gas station before remembering my lie and that I could never go back for fear of being found out.
In the middle of a board game, I stood up to get another beer (a few feet from the game table) but had to remove the gallon of milk from the fridge to get the beer. I picked up the jug, and matched eyes with a non-high friend of mine, for some reason thought I'd make him laugh by pretending to pour the milk on my head. The cap was not on the jug properly. My friend watch as stoned-me took a gallon of milk and poured it on my head. Everyone was just as confused as I was as there was no rhyme or reason for any of it. My explanation for why it happened wasn't very valid.
I got a girl to whip my back with a towel cause I was too embarassed that I forgot my towel and knew that noone would share their's if I asked.
Njordir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 10th grade we were on this weeklong activity-camp and did some rafting and shit, everything was cool beans.
This were in rural Norway, far from everything, so the food was meant to last and stay edible for a longer time period, but there was something about this food that made my stomach act funny.
Two days in, were going rafting in a group of maybe 7-8 classmates and my stomach has had enough of this processed, weird tasting food.
So there I stand, fully geared in wetsuit and protective equipment, and we're next up. I really need to go.
Instead of asking for a quick bathroom break, i climb into the boat, and the first wave or whatever, I soil myself in this horrendous, liquid death.
It seeps out through the wetsuit and into the boat.
So there we are, me and 7 other classmates, rafting in a shitfilled boat.
Doot'ed my Octopus transport card to enter the station. Lady in front of me somehow manages to push the turning gate twice, so she pushed once for her card and once for mine. I can't get in because my card wouldn't open a gate at the same station if I hadn't gotten off at another one. (To prevent a bunch of people using the same card, I suppose? idk)
Instead of going to Customer Service Center to ask them to reverse it, I bought a ticket with coins.
I used the ticket to enter the station. But at the station I got off at, I used my Octopus card. So now I have a ticket for collecting. Keep in mind that in Hong Kong the tickets are glossy, hard, waterproof plastic that's brightly colored and they're swallowed by the machine when you leave, and are reused. Not a black and white one use only piece of paper. They look like souvenirs- google them. I felt pretty guilty to have it.
Doesn't seem so stupid, but I could have saved something like $15 HKD if I wasn't so scared of talking to people
I locked myself out on the balcony in my first week at university. I had a phone on me so I could have called someone in the house to come and let me in, or failing that I could have knocked on the windows until someone noticed. Instead I decided I'd climb over the fence and climb down to my the ground since it was one storey up, and walk round to the front door and let myself in normally.
What actually happened was I lowered myself a couple feet down the 10 foot drop, landed on my back and cracked a few ribs which was hell until they healed around Christmas, 3-4 months later.
I have a good friend I met through an online roleplay community. Her character was male, so for the longest time, I thought she was a guy, too. She initially didn't bother correcting me because, hey, it's just roleplay, and we weren't going to become IRL friends. Except we did, and we got really close, around when I helped "him" come to terms with "his" sexuality when "he" got a boyfriend. This culminated in me inviting "him" to my wedding.
My friend decided the situation had gone on too long and there was no way to recover, and kept coming up with cover-ups (couldn't share photos because of work, didn't have a working webcam/mic, etc. etc.) to avoid having to tell me I'd made a mistake. She pretended to be a gay man for a year and a half because it was less awkward than admitting the mix-up. It only came out when she finally decided she couldn't miss my wedding over this whole shenanigannery and just fessed up to it.
I was meeting (my now ex) girlfriend's new friend. I should preface this by saying attractive women make me unbelievably nervous.
So anyway I walk into this pub not expecting this literal supermodel to be sitting with my gf. As soon as I see her, I'm like oh fuck, so I dip into the bathroom to wait a while and get my shit together before going out there.
Obviously they noticed.
BanzuKun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i shit my pants at work and sit around females, i went home with a "headache". I am 20 years old.
When I was in highschool we were doing a group presentation based on the movie Crash, In the presentation I was playing a character who's name I forget that was arrested while getting road head.
When I went to say "fellatio" a mixture of flubbing, dylexia, and just plain not knowing how to say the word I said "fetailio". People laughed, but I thought at first it was just out of immaturity for saying a "naughty" word so I told them to "laugh it up" and then minutes later said it the same way again with a little more dramatic of a tone, mocking them for laughing.
Immediately after saying it a second time I realized I had said it wrong twice and people were laughing because I didn't know how to fucking say fellatio.
Yesterday I had an interview for a marketing internship that I somehow forgot the name of. When I showed up to the address I realized that the building had multiple marketing firms. When the lady asked me which firm I was interviewing for I panicked and left.
raechuuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This surely isn't the dumbest, but it happened only last week, so it's fresh in my mind.
I was at school waiting for class to start but we were going to be in a different room for the day and I wasn't sure which one. I decide to walk by my teachers office so I can ask him, but I get to it and it's closed and the light seems to be off. I was told he was in there but I'm awkward so I didn't knock. Then, despite the halls being completely empty, I didn't want to look like I walked over there for no reason. So instead of turning around, I just continued to walk straight past his office and had to make a loop through the entire building to get back to my starting point.
tldr; it's not an interesting story. I'm just awkward. Don't even bother.
papercup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I arrived at my exam for uni, final of the year... atm my future depended on it. Unfortunately I turned up late and looking through the window I could see that everyone was seated with the adjudicator explaining the exam. It occurred to me that I would have to walk past her on my way in and 150 other students would be watching me.
Stalked my crush as i was chicken sh@t in highschool. Went further as my friend pushed me, than stupid me txted and talked w/ her without her knowing who it was while i was in college. I stopped after that, never talked w/ here again and told myself at least she's happy.
I was on the grad committee in middle school and decided to raise money by hosting a pizza lunch (there was no cafeteria). I distributed order forms a week before but unfortunately, only two students placed orders out of the whole school. Instead of cancelling it, I for some reason just stayed home the day the lunch was supposed to take place. Turns out a bunch of students and teachers didn't place orders but were planning on buying slices the day-of. A lot of people didn't have lunch that day.
When i was a kid, like 9 years old, i went one a ski trip in with my friend. I got car sick in his dads car but didnt want to tell them to stop or throw up in the car. So i threw up in the sleeve of my ski jacket.
Then i had to hold my arm up for the the next two ours of the trip so it wouldnt spill.
It ended up drying up and i skied with it in my sleeve for the entire day. And kept my jacket on on the way back home and almost had a heat stroke. My dad laughed his ass off when i got home and told him.
birkes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one time, when I was about 11 years old, my school class was on a school trip. There was this super annoying guy, who wouldn't shut up, so I wanted to be cool and tell him off. Instead, what I ended up saying was something along the lines of "come fuck me in the ass". He looked at me in disgust and said "no, thank you". Everybody laughed. The bus trip had just started.
vyvyan86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My hearingโs not the best, so I have a hard time hearing deeper voices over a hum, like the motor of a car, and it gets awkward having to ask people to repeat themselves over 3 times. So if I canโt make out what theyโre saying, I just nod and smile, which more often than not makes it even more awkward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but a friend.
She was walking down the street and someone approached her to hand a bible or something. She said she didn't want it but they insisted, so she told them she already had one. They then said "well take one for a friend!"
At which point she yelled "I don't have any friends!!" And quickly walked away.
Whenever relatives come over I am usually in my room. As I hear them enter I realize I will eventually have to go downstairs to greet them. Feeling akward I procrastinate till someone asks..."where's your son"? Then my parents would know he has to come down now, so they would have to yell my name. I yell back "I'm coming down." By this time I'm panicking and stall till dinner time... bring up the courage, go down and say hello to everyone. Avoid small talk at all costs. Grab my food and scadadle. I'm 24 and still happens to this day. Found some solutions but still the anxiety is maxed out for the day
tauslb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm way too late for this to be seen but yesterday I tapped the phone icon in Carplay by accident and siri asked "who would you like to call?" and I thought it would be rude to say no one, so I asked her to call my dad and then i hung up.
F_Kyo777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was around 21 and took this job interview as a bartender during summer break. Wanted to look professional, so i came in shirt and elegant clothes. Worth to remember, it was extremely hot that day. When I came in to the interview room, it turned out, that it was a very small room with like 5People inside. My anxiety kicked in and lack of space got me extremely nervous and they all seemed to know each other. So we talked a little and i got a basic job agreement, where you need to put your data. Since im sweating like hell and if you add hot day and me being nervous it made me extremely sweaty. I saw some stains on my shirt already and couldnt focus properly on talking and filling in the agreement. So few drops fell from my forehead on agreement, which was awfully embarassing for me. I knew i cant gave it back like this, so i asked politely for another one. Guy asked me, have i mispelled my surname with a laugh on it. I smiled back and carefully filled the second one, get the Job and get the fuck of there to get some air. Felt relieved instantly and good that i handle the situation and memory of it still remains with me ;)
Elcatro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A colleague offered to drive me to a shop after work because she was going in that direction and we were leaving at the same time, instead of just accepting her kind offer I freaked out and tried to make excuses as to why I couldn't accept it, my excuses were all really flimsy and she shot them all down.
This happened like 2 years ago and it haunts me to this day, we still work together and part of me whenever I see her wants to apologise for being a pillock.
Was at my SO place when some maintenance guys ringed the doorbell. They had an appointment later that day, but figured it would be wise to appear 5 hours earlier.
I was still in bed and grumpy. Therefore I said "fuck it. I am staying in bed even if they see me."
Uppon hearing them as they enter the oneroomappartement I regret my decision. They should not see me in bed- but I was sill naked so I pulled the blanket over myself and hid as a pile of cloth.
Minutes pass, it was getting hot under the blanket and my air supplies were dropping.
I would have died there rather than showing myself.
After 10 minutes or so I finally embraced fresh air again.
I can answer this one but am a little late to the party.
I always make fun of a friends mom in his presence, because we tend to be in our puberty around each other.
Never met his mom, but always making fun of her, like banging her etc. the usual stuff.
One time his parents visit him and a mutual friend (let's call him Finn) and I visit him to help him move.
However we enter the room and Finn enters first.
He goes to the mom and introduces him as: โHi I am Finn, nice to meet you.โ
Then it is my turn and I meet the woman I always fantasy- bang. I go up to her and lo and behold say: โHi i'm Finn. Nice to meet you.โ
I swear to god. The whole room froze and everyone laughed at me for 2 straight minutes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit the brakes and swerved to the shoulder because I was too scared to overtake a truck on a rural road. I could easily have ended up with an accident or endangered others. Super-stupid.
Unfortunately, even though I've had my license for well over 20 years now, I'm still a very inexperienced and insecure driver. I'd probably not do that stupid thing again, but I avoid driving whenever possible.
Iโm a pretty comfortable driver, but anxiety can creep up on anyone, especially when youโre on a highway. My best tip is to just slow it down by 5-10km (given youโre able to with the flow of traffic), and increase the distance between you and the drive in front of you. Lightly tapping your brakes can also send a signal to the driver behind you to give you more space, too. Only overtake when you have a clear shot to do so, and if youโre not ready, just give it another couple minutes until you do have a totally clear path. No big deal, youโll still get to your destination, and safely too!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been prepping for an exam at an institute's library since a few weeks. The two girls who work there are good friends, and are often busy planning events, etc. that happen at the attached auditorium. Yesterday we were goofing around doing exaggerated dances and stuff ( no one else was there!) and suddenly this professor walks in on my friend hopping on one leg, and me doing some form of the chicken dance. My friends just laughed and said hello to him. He was quite pleasant and started rattling off at us in fluent German, and even though I can speak well enough, I turned the most approximate shade of purple a face can get, slowly picked up my books, mumbled a 'see you guys tomorrow', and fucked off from there. I couldn't bring myself to go today, either.
Omerbaig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was feeling super lazy and got the bus one stop because it was there as I was walking past. It was kind of late so turned out that it was only me on the bus.
Figuring that the driver would know it was me that requested the stop and judge my laziness - I rode the bus three stops and walked back two.
I live in China, but I can't speak Chinese. I can't transfer out of one of my bank accounts, and I can't connect it to any online payment platforms. So, to avoid the awkwardness of asking a Chinese friend, or trying to communicate with the teller via a translation app, I manually transfer money from one account to another at an ATM. I still do this. I did this just now.
I just got my license and was driving my mom around for errands that day. She has always been generally condescending of whatever I do, so it was natural for her to be overly critical of my driving. For our last stop she wanted to go to the bank which was a few blocks away from a mall. We were talking about random stuff I completely forgot about now but for some reason, I took an early turn and parked at the mall was. So my Mom goes, "Honey, the bank's not for another few blocks. Did you forget again?" I didn't want to admit I was stupid so I just said I needed to pick up stuff for myself too. So I parked the car, went inside the mall, spent a good 15 minutes trying to figure out what to tell her when I get back. I didn't even buy anything.
I was waiting for the bus when I met someone from school. He told me where he was headed and we had a little chat.
That was it. A little chat. Because after 1 minute we ran out of things to talk about.
He always answered my questions with one word and he kept making eye contact as if he was hoping for me to keep the conversation alive.
At some point the bus came and we both got inside and the awkward smalltalk continued. In my head I remembered where he said he was headed and I realized that we not only had a 10 min bus tour ahead of us, but also would we need to take the same walking route for an additional 15 minutes.
Luckily I hadnโt so far told him what my destination was and at one point I felt like I couldnโt bear the awkwardness anymore (He kept staring at me and I kept asking typical smalltalk questions that he would always answer with one word)
So I just said I had to leave at this station and got off the bus 3 stations early and had to walk for half an hour instead of a quarter.
I was on the phone and walking at the same time, I saw 2 guys walk and felt like one of the guys was a friend of mine and I waved very enthusiastically while walking towards them and as I neared, I realized that I knew neither and then while within the ear shot, I kept waving and tried to convert it into a weird exercise thing which made it seem as if I was crazy.
Once I was walking and I heard someone say "hey nice dog" so I looked at them and shouted "oh hey thanks" then saw they were talking to their neighbor. I took a mile detour on the way back just to avoid them
Yimi9876 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to a graduation party and I showed up really early, like an hour early. So i show up and the older sister of the girl who was hosting was outside bringing some things in. Since she vaguely knew me i thought i should go out and help. She was having trouble with some of the bottles and boxes of party supplies so i helped her and followed her inside. I then proceeded stand in the there living room waiting for people to arrive. This, along with the really awkward and confused stares from the hosts relatives (who didn't say hi or anything they just paused what they were doing for a second, looked at me, then continued) got the better of me so i went back outside and pretended to get something out of my car for about 30 minutes before just straight up hiding in the back waiting for my friends to arrive. And when they did arrive, I discretely emerged from the car and walked in the front door behind them, like nothing every happen.
TLDR: I went to a party, stood in the living room while people stared at me, the went and waited in my car.
MrYurihi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went around in a revolving door 5 times because each time someone went in and I am to socially awkward to tell them to stop
Cue moving to a new state and I'm looking for a job because I just wanted to get away from where I used to live. I start applying for temporary positions from agencies in hopes that I can get some kind of job.
I get a call to fill out an application and drive to the city, the place looks sketchy AF but I go in and start to fill out an application anyways. Halfway through I stop filling it out because I don't trust the place anymore.
Instead of telling the receptionist I don't trust this place and want to leave, I fake a call and say I have to go and try to take the application with me. The lady gives me some bs about how the application is their property and I can't leave without it.
She calls me a druggie because she said I probably got to the drug test portion of it and realized I wouldn't pass a drug test. She says this happens a lot with "you drug addicts".
I quickly tear up the application and try to shove it in the protected recycling bin but she stops me. She then tells me to get out and that she's going to use my SSN to blacklist me on their agency.
... I never did drugs and just didn't trust the sketchy place
Walked around for 30 minutes in the rain on several occasions because I arrived early to class and thought it'd be awkward if I waited outside the room so early.
ders95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was an intern having a business lunch with just my boss. As we were sitting face to face, I noticed my last chicken teriyaki piece had a large bone in it. Rather than spit it out in a napkin right in front of him... I swallowed the entire bone.
Just realized I have even more sad things to add... Wow I'm awkward
I went out with some friends... One who reddits so I need to leave out details.
Anyways they wanted to ride bikes so I let them believe I can ride a bike up until that point but tried to drop subtle hints I can't.. I never learned because of complicated family stuff
When we got to the bikes I had to essentially embarrass myself trying to ride and say I forgot how to ride a bike and that we would have to walk
Arrived late for my first class at university. Was too embarrassed to go in so I just went to the pub. Same thing happened the week after.
I decided to never attend that class because of embarrassment and failed it.
Viorager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got this but I'm late to the party.
This is probably 15 years ago in my early twenties. I'm like that shitbreak dude who can't shit in front of people. Anyways I had a live in girlfriend so I wouldn't shit at home. I would either sneak off to a store, portapotty, or friends house.
One morning I had to shot so bad I was about to blow. It was snowing out and I loved in an apartment complex. I ran out of the house saying I forgot something in my truck, ran as fast as I could too. I didn't make it very far, so I dropped trough and unleashed.
I was on the side of a huge Hill in the open, snow everywhere. I had nothing to wipe with so I used my sweatshirt. I left it there, to come get later with a garbage bag.
Anyway we went to walk the dogs a couple days later and there is my shut covered shirt right out in the open. Girlfriend says isn't that your shirt, which I instantly replied "can't be because mine is in my truck". Then we laughed at the person who took a shit on the side of a giant Hill in a snow storm.
I was at this friend's house and meeting his mother first time. she gave me and my other 3 friends juice to drink but she forgot the ice. So she bought the ice , you know the plastic wrapped colourful ice cubes which doesn't melt in your drink and just make it colder. I took the ice cube and put it in my mouth and she said to me it's not for eating. we stared in each other's eyes for long 10 seconds, then i spit the cube out and gave it in her hand. and all of his family was looking at me. oh man that was so awkward.
McFagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I had been at my friend's house getting high and was bussing back to my place. Since my university is between his house and mine and is the main bus transfer point of our city, I decided I'd stop at the campus pub and have a couple drinks and maybe a burger or something before bussing home.
So I went in and sat up at the bar, took out my laptop and waited for someone to take my order, the same way I'd done a million times before. They weren't empty, but they also weren't busy. Everyone else at the bar or dining room was getting served.
But after a few minutes, nobody had taken my order or even acknowledged me. So I figured "Oh, maybe because I'm on my laptop they think I'm just using this space to work on homework or something". So I put away the laptop and continued sitting at the bar. Still, nobody acknowledged my presence.
Now, I really wanted to order a drink, but the weirdness of the whole situation and the fact that I was still somewhat high made this difficult. I couldn't think of a way to draw a bartender's attention to me and my drinkless state without coming off as a dick, so I just sat there awkwardly and watched TV. After a few more minutes of this I was getting really fed up, so I ended up staring at every bartender that walked past in hopes that we would make eye contact and I would get a "Oh, hey, didn't see you sitting there. Want a drink?" but again, it was like I was a ghost. After sitting there for a total of probably 20-30 minutes I was almost at the point where I was gonna make a huge scene just to make sure I hadn't suddenly turned invisible, but decided fuck it, they clearly don't want my money. I walked out in a huff, my buzz killed and my day ruined. Still by far one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
0_NvMi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate the whole of my GF's(at the times) mother salmon, not knowing you were suppose to remove the bones. Worse meal ever...
otakarg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The dumbest thing I've done because of my awkwardness is I started smoking. So now when I stand outside minding my own business and having a smoke no one thinks and most importantly I don't think I'm awkward
GwEYT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened yesterday. I was in the parking lot of a store and my teacher came and parked next to me in her Honda Accord. She didnโt notice me when she parked. I sat there waiting for her to come out so I could โflexโ because I was a 17 year old driving a Porsche GT3. When she came out, I went to drive off and didnโt realize, the car was out of gas.
I was at a roller skating rink and had to poop. Rather than poop in the public bathroom I walked a mile to the nearest gas station that had a single bathroom. My girlfriend was wondering where I went and I had no explanation to offer her.
mitchk44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked as an auditor a couple of years a go. On the first day I was making coffee and for some reason poured the kettle with my left hand, the client noticed and said "Oh, you're left handed too". Rather than stating that I was right handed, I said yeah I am. Had to use my left hand in front of the client consistently for the rest of the week. So awkward.
Ive sat for half an hour waiting for someone to ask if i need a box
xyifer12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was supposed to learn a memorize the lyrics of a song because every class member was to sing it on stage for some Christmas event. For some reason, I never memorized them.
At first I tried miming, but eventually just stood there looking at people waiting for it to end.
Last summer i was in a camp, and there was a boy, handsome and kind and younger than me, but with just one year. First day, i started talking with him, and than the teacher said to me: Hey, don't now want to get a boyfriend. I was embarrased, and said that i just triing to talk, cuz i like older boys
4lly89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I visited a different churchโs youth group in middle school with this guy we liked and at the beginning the youth leader noticed we were new and asked us to stand up and introduce ourselves. My friend was pretty outgoing, but I was horribly shy so when they all looked at me first, I sat in silence, refusing to answer. I thought if I ignored them theyโd move on without making me answer. After they asked again a couple times I finally told them I didnโt have a name. My friend backed me up and pretended she didnโt have one either until the other kids started yelling at us to introduce ourselves so they could move on.
I got on the bus and someone from work got on and sat next to me. I didn't want to chat so lied and said I was at my stop on got off. Stood at the stop and got on another one behind which proceeded to overtake the first one and she saw me go past.
I was 23 when i drove a company car as an appentrice in a well known media agency in northern germany after getting my drivers license just a week before. i had to fetch the letters from the post office just a couple blocks away from my company and i was really nervous because of the city traffic and the huge complicating streets i had to take. i wasnt used to drive with a manual diesel vehicle which didnt really lower the pressure on me.
so i drove on about a few blocks when a red light appears and i stopped. i was the first in the line and as the lights turned green i moved a couple inches and the engine went off. the cars in my back start honking. i removed the first gear, went back to neutral and back again to fucking fix the damn car which felt like years. everytime i did this and tried to move it only went a few steps and went off again.
now i stand in the middle of the biggest crossing of the city and move like a moron with an expensive car hopping 2 inches in 10 seconds like itโs my fucking way of driving look at me. the people were so mad, they threw middlefingers and swear words at me and honked my ears off while i was close to crying.
i turned the warning lights on and removed the keys. i was so fucking done i called the police (why the hell) to get a wrecking service to get me off the street.
as i waited, still in the middle of the crossing, i decided to give it one more try. so i turned on the engine, put in the first gear and drove away.
turns out i was in the 3rd gear all the time and messed up putting in the first. i didnโt wait for the wrecking service cause i was way too embarrassed and acted as if nothing happened. gave back the keys to my supervisor as i arrived and blamed the traffic when he asked me why it took so long for me to get the mail.
I used to play the French horn in secondary school, I was probably around 14 at the time (way too old to be excusable). I turned up late to my lesson and I really needed the toilet, but instead of asking to go to the loo before we started I instead chose to hold it. Long story short I pissed myself infront of this guy in the middle if school and stank of pee for the rest of the day. Its one of those memories that sneaks up on me and ruins my day when I least expect it.
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When browsing things at the store, I would ask if they have a certain thing. They would go fish it out for me and tell me it's price. When it's super fucking expensive and I don't really want it anymore, instead of declining, I would buy it anyway as I was embarrassed for being cheap and I didn't want their efforts for bringing the item to me go to waste.
yes172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I turned down a date from my summer camp crush because I was nervous and too awkward to just โwait I meant yes.โ I face palm every time I remember
I sent a Christmas card to my next door neighbours, I wrote the wifeโs name as Susan, it wasnโt until we received a reply that we found out her name was Karen... We never addressed it, ever.
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I've already made a comment on this post already, but this is happening to me right as I'm typing this.
I'm in school and I want to take a heavy shit but I don't want anyone to be in the same bathroom as me. I went to every single fucking bathroom in the school, hoping one of them would be empty. I walked around so much that I no longer needed to take a shit.
I can't even pee if someone else in in the restroom at the same time. If I walk in and I see one of the stalls shut my bladder just locks up with a Bitch you thought!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked around for a good 2 hours looking for my friend's house in a city I didn't know, because I was too awkward to ask if I could charge my phone in a bar so I could look up how to get there.
I also was too scared to ask strangers, I finally did after 2 hours. But instead of asking someone on the street I walked into a pharmacy. Why? Because I was thinking: he's doing his job, he should help all his clients as good as possible.
I hate myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hung out with a girl after work one summer, took a walk in the park, etc.
After a few hours of alone time, we sat in the middle of a really vast field at the core of the park, talked, got closer, talked, got closer-- we basically did that for five whole minutes before coming face to face.
She had that look in her eyes and I knew what I had to do, so instead of just, y'know, moving in for the kiss, I got REALLY close and asked, "C... Can I kiss you now?" like the sly devil I was.
I wanted to stick my head in the ground and die because I was 100% sure that would be the last time she would talk to me let alone touch me. Lo and behold she's my fiancee. She did this to herself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking home from the library really late at night, and there was a woman some 20 metres in front of me, coming back from what I presume was a night club or a party. I crossed the street and continued walking at a fairly fast pace as I just wanted to get home. By the time I was across from my house, I crossed back and noticed I was walking almost perpendicular to her. She saw me approach, and started awkwardly sprinting down the pavement in a panic. I quickly opened the door and ran up to my flat. Felt very awkward about the whole thing afterwards
First day of my senior year of high school, I stopped for gas and unknowingly pulled away with the nozzle still in my tank. When I pulled up to my friend's house to pick him up, he said "Did you know you still have the gas nozzle in your tank?
I didn't want to admit I had done something so stupid, so I smiled and said "Of course! You wanna just throw it in my backseat though?"
Worst parts:
-The fumes when I got back into my car after a hot, fall school day.
-I worked at that gas station and had to return the nozzle when I reported to work that day after school.
I was a kid, like 8 or less. I was messing around with the son of my nanny who was back from the army. He told me some bird names (not very dirty I was 8 of course) and it made me laugh... Especially one.... "fat sow" "grosse truie" in my language, basically meaning "fat bih". I was very excited, because of the jokes and all and then, friends of my nanny arrived to dine with them... So I went to say hello, the husband and the wife...when I arrived in front of the wife I said "salut grosse truie" (hello fat bih) like it was the normal thing to say... After that followed a long silence... And the silent death of any joy in my heart...
I had just finished eating out at Dennyโs with some friends and the waiter comes back over to me with his fist out. I reacted with a fist bump and said โthanks again manโ. Immediately felt like an ass because he didnโt say anything, kept his fist closed and said โNo..no this is your changeโ.
I went back to a girls house after a night out and managed to drop a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was soaked. I didn't know what to do so I just put it back at the bottom of the stack and said nothing.
Oh god so a couple days ago I was walking around at my college campus with my brother which also has a few homeless people every once in a while. This woman approached me (obviously not a student) and asked if she could have any money for McDonald's . I was so reactive and not thinking at all that I took out my wallet...and gave her my last FIVE DOLLARS in cash. To make it worse my brother gave her another dollar....shortly after we saw her in the same spot asking more people for money, so we knew that she wasn't in it for food. I felt so stupid and naive.
Now I know just to say "I don't carry cash sorry" or "no sorry"
eskaywan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried but here goes.
I'm one of those guys that cant pee if there's someone close o even inside the same bathroom as me, my life consists of awkwardly waiting with my junk out in the urinal until the entire bathroom is cleared, only then! I can relieve myself.
So anyways, I work in an office building with one bathroom per floor (its 5 floors total), so If I go in the bathroom and there's someone already there, I just gtfo and walk up or down the stairs until I find an empty bathroom, after I get in I close the door AND LOCK IT every time. It doesn't matter what number I'm gonna do... the way is shut...it was closed by him who is pooping/peeing, and the pooper/pee-er keeps it.
I feel sorry for my innocent "victims" while I'm in there. Sometimes I can hear them, while I'm sitting down in there.
I can hear the door trying to be opened but its locked followed by the victim saying loudly and angrily "Oh this is private bathroom now!" then they walk/storm away.
Then the waiting game begins after I'm done, I wait until its absolutely quiet outside until I know its clear, only then will I escape/flee the scene of my crime.
I was on vacation in Santorini and went out to get some food. While I was waiting, I had to use the bathroom so I head downstairs through their storage room into the single-occupant lavatory. Do my thing, finish up, go to open the door and... The knob fell off from the outside. So here I am, stuck, contemplating whether or not I'll be spending my last days trapped in the shitter. But then I remember, my cell phone! I can call the restaurant and in broken Greek tell them that I'm stuck. But after reconsideration, I figured the better thing to do would be to body slam the door down and walk out ASAP without getting my food.
I was worried that somehow the authorities would come after me for vandalism and destruction of private property so I didn't renew my hotel stay, but rather booked a ferry to Crete and spent the rest of my vacation there.
When I was 7, during class, I was thirsty but couldnt reach for the watter bottle over the table, so I started crying until a teacher helped me.
deltora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
aaaw yeah, my time to shine.
okay so I was volunteering at a work weekend at a camp in the American boundary waters, for those of you not from America, or more specifically the American Midwest, it's like the super Scandinavian part of the US.
anywho, on this work weekend they have projects to get down to prep the camp foe the changing season. one project was building a woodshed, now I don't know my way around power tools, but I'm strong, and most of the other people there were middle aged "Jack of all trades" types, so I trow in with them because I figure I can be there pack horse. oops.
first thing that happens when I step on the site is someone puts a power saw in my hands and tells me to go trim off 2 inches on some boards.
this was not my plan but A-okay my friend, I'm no craftsman but I do know how to measure 2 inches.
and this kept happening, I was given different saws, never asked if I knew how to use them, and sent to do little tasks. until...
they needed an angle cut to match an already cut piece built into the roof. so.. being someone who has no idea how to figure that out, and I'm now in way too deep to ask since they were acting like thing was a basic thing to know, I do the only thing I can think of..
I take the long road. first I estimate the angle conservatively, then test it, and it needs a bit more off, so, 1 degree at a time, I shave that beam, over and over and over and over and over and over and over checking it each time, until I found the angle. everyone was busy with their own aspects of the project so I went unnoticed.
Once in high school I was doing physical education, but I could barely move because I had strained a muscle in my back the previous week. Eventually I asked a teacher whether I could go and get a painkiller from reception. They said yes and I went and asked for one.
The receptionist gave me some pill in a small container (I didn't really notice what because I was distracted by the pain) and warned me about how bad it tasted. I thanked her, and then it dawned on me that I had no water to wash it down with like I always did at home, so U just put it in my mouth and tried to swallow it (it didn't got well.) She came back about 30 seconds later, pointed at the container she gave me and said:
"You were meant to get some water!"
I then realised she had given me the pill in a small paper cup, and that there was a water fountain about 30 seconds walk away. I tried to play it off as if that's how I always took them.
I was maybe 17 or 18 and went to buy condoms at a gas station late at night. It was maybe 1 or 2am. I didn't want to just grab the condoms and go because I was embarrassed about it so I went to the bathroom first. (Not sure why that made it feel less weird). I piss, reach down to flush the toilet and my car keys fall out of my pocket and go straight down the flushing toilet. I was stuck at the gas station for like an hour talking to cashier while waiting for my brother to bring me a spare key. At some point during that conversation I had to awkwardly buy condoms.
First party at my highschool a girl told me that one of the other girls would like to hook up. But that had never happend before so i just stood there like an idiot saying "cool"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I'm way late to this thread. One time in middle school I was at a friend's house and I took an absolutely MASSIVE dump. Like, this thing filled up the toilet and thoroughly covered the hole. It looked like a swirled soft serve of chocolate ice cream. My dad had arrived to pick me up and they were standing right outside the door because it was right by the front door. I didn't know what to do because this thing was not even trying to go down the damn toilet. They didn't have a plunger or anything in the room. I was in a panic so I just wiped my ass, put on my pants, and walked out like nothing had happened. I asked my friend to help me look for something upstairs, told him I just annihilated his toilet, then went back downstairs and left with my dad.
He texted me later saying his dad poured some major chemicals on my monster deuce and was laughing his ass off at the whole thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a freshman in college I lived in the dorms. My roommate dropped out so I lived alone for the second part of the semester. I was kind of a loner and had social anxiety so I didn't want people on my floor to know I was in there just hanging out alone... so I would pee in my trash can rather than walking down the hallway to the bathroom and just take it out the next day when no one was around. Yikes.
mtkld ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a theme park once and there was a tram service that transported the employees behind the scenes. I was running really late that day and for some reason the tram did a fast rolling stop at my stop. Even though itโs supposed to stop at every stop. Tram driver didnโt even ask if anyone was getting off. I was already standing up as it started to accelerate so I just jump off and rolled. I couldnโt see the tram anymore, but I could hear people yelling. Tram never stopped. I had some gnarly scraps and bruises. I was too embarrassed to tell first aid or my coworkers that I jumped off the tram so I told them I all tripped. At first anyway. Then I started making up unbelievable stories about what happened. I told one guy I fell into a meat grinder at my other job. 3 years later he asked me where I worked that had a meat grinder that big.
I also mixed in the truth with the lies, but everyone just thought that was a lie too. Theme parks are big I didnโt know anyone who was one the tram so I was never outted. To this day my friends say when I fall the ground opens up and tries to devour me.
jat388 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 6th grade I used to hang out a friends house pretty often, maybe once a week. I would always ride my bike there and back. One day I left their house but forgot my helmet. Being so young I was terrified of getting in trouble because wearing a helmet is the law for minors. I was so embarrassed that I had to go back to their door, I was too afraid to knock and admit my mistake. I thought it would be better to just open the door and grab my helmet.
Unfortunately, him and his whole family were sitting in the living room right next to the front door staring at me as I walked in. His dad said "well, my whole family is sitting on the couch and someone opened my door. You are lucky I didn't have my weapons near me." Wow I was terrified, awkward and embarrassed all at once.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the day of college orientation & everybody got a booklet with a checklist in it for attending each event, if you attended every event you had a chance to win an iPad, a t-shirt & something else. At the end of each event, you would go to your group leader & he would check it off if you were there. I didn't catch the memo at first & I was the only one who didn't pull their booklet out at the end of each event. When the group leader said "ok, pull out your booklets", I would just sit back & wait until he signed everybody else's & then walk out last. At the last event, I finally found the booklet in my college bag & I asked the leader to check it off, he ended up checking all the events for me & it was awkward. Nobody clearly stated "grab the white booklet with the title "..." from your college bag in your college folder, inside of the college binder.
While reading this in a bathroom stall at work, another officer in the stall beside me heard me laughing. I'm a rookie and a fairly young CO at a jail. I didn't want him to think it was me, so I began randomly making old man grunts and noises to throw him off so he would think it was another officer. We've been sitting in here for half an hour and neither of us have moved yet and I'm too afraid to leave in case he realizes it's me through the spaces around the stall door. I'm supposed to be finishing my break soon and I'll probably be late returning to my unit. The jail cannot resume normal operation until all posts are filled with their assigned officers, which means the entire jail containing hundreds of inmates will be delayed unlocking cells because of me.
volengr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first went to my local paintball field for this first 2 years they called me jake.
One time, when I was a senior in high, my boyfriend had come over. We had went to go get some lunch from Wendy's and decided to bring it back to my house for lunch. I get half way though my spicy chicken nuggets and feel the familiar rumbling of my tummy. I'm talking, feeling liquid leave my body involuntarily. I didn't want him to know that I had to shit, so I politely excuse myself and go to the bathroom in my parents' room. My mom happened to be home, so she tries to keep him entertained while my colon falls out of my body. After about 10 minutes of it happening nonstop, I call my mom on her cell phone and tell her to come to the bathroom. So, she gets back there, I'm still shitting. He's up front getting suspicious. So, I tell my mom to just tell him that I threw up. Like that is any better. So, she goes to tell him that I threw up. Eventually my body calms down, I clean myself up and I go back into the living room, slightly sweaty and continue where we left off. Even us ladies have our moments where our bodies have betrayed us.
so i have a hole in my pocket and dropped some change in there. as i walk, the coins drop past my shoes and on the floor. now if i want to deal with this situation like a normal person, id shake those mofos out all at once and just collect them off the floor. But being a socially awkward guy with anxiety issues, i instead adopt a walk that is minimally disruptive to the coins that have made a home at the bottom of my trouser leg. So im in starbucks and on the way to the till, the person behind me sees 3 coins, one after the other, drop out of my trousers, not sure what he thought about that.
I hate having awkward subway/bus rides with people I work with when we both bump into eachother in the morning on our way in. In turn everytime I would see someone I work with I would simply skip that bus or subway. After ending up late nearly everyday for the past 2 months, needless to say, Ive been let go.
Went out with a few friends, but I didn't know that they were heading to a swimming pool and I didn't bring my trunks. I ended up just sitting poolside taking care of their stuff. Since I was alone, I didn't have much to do so most of the time I was doing absolutely nothing, which I was fine with. But when my friends came over, I didn't want them to feel bad for me, so for some reason, I figured that taking a phone call would be the solution. I dialled the voicemail number and pretended to be having a conversation with someone, even saying stuff like 'oh yeah', 'yeah you're right' and fake-laughing, all in response to a robotic voice telling me I have no messages.
slee4914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the 5th grade, I was in the classroom taking a spelling test. I really needed to use the bathroom but someone asked right before me. The teacher was visibly pissed off and told the student to hurry up, as we'd all have to wait for him.
Afraid to face the wrath of this mean teacher, I sat in my seat, classmates on both sides, wriggling and bouncing in my seat. The spelling test went on for way too long.
After what felt like hours, I just couldn't hold it any longer and was delirious from needing to go. I slowly let it out. Turns out I had way more pee inside than I was expecting. The pee started spilling off the sides of the chair and a clear dripping sound could be heard hitting the linoleum for a solid 15 seconds.
No one ever said anything that day, besides for a confused boy saying it smelled weird in the classroom. I still wonder if everyone was just trying to save me from embarrassment.
stutw1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once at a friend party, i got smashed by drinking a whole bottle of kraken. didn't want to sleep there with other people so i instead remotely unlocked my car left my keys in the appartment and ran to my car before it lock itself.
The reason i left my keys inside is that, if the police catches you innebriated in your car and you have access to your keys, either be in the trunk or the glovebox you're fucked.
Morning come by, middle of the summer the car is now a sauna. Woke up, have to puke. Now here is the other thing, my keys are in the appartement, if i open my door the alarm will go off and i will wake up the whole neighborhood.
Being stuck in the car and didn't want to wake tons of poeple on saturday morning i proceed to puke on the passenger side on the floormat.
Not only i had the endure the heat and the stench of my puke but my bladder was about to explose!
It was 9 a.m, i frantically tried to call text the people inside so they could unlock my car. In the end, no answer so i took this other half empty bottle of kraken that was laying behind my seat and i pissed in it.
Eventually after all of this i managed to get in touch with someone inside and got my car unlocked.
TLDRGot drunk on kraken, got stuck in my car with puke because i didn't want to bother the host by sleeping there.
SaltLich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the wrong bus. Instead of the one that goes to the local shopping center, I got on the one that goes between my college's two campuses. I realized I was on the wrong bus as they were at the last stop on my campus and it announced the next stop would be on the other campus.
Instead of getting off and going to wait for the right bus like a normal person, I sat on that bus until it looped back around to my campus again. It takes about 30 minutes to get between campuses, and the bus had already stopped for 10 minutes for the driver to use the restroom. Then when it got to the other campus it stopped for another 20 minutes while they changed drivers.
I wasted almost two hours of my life on a bus I had no need to take and got a little motion sick because I was too embarrassed to show that I hadn't read the destination on the front of the bus before getting on.
When I was in high school, on the first day of tech class I went in and sat down. Lesson started and I realised that I was in metalworking instead of woodworking. I stayed for the whole lesson and at the end the teacher told me I was in the wrong class.
I was so awkward that instead of going to woodworking the next day I made my mum (who was in charge of class timetabling and shit) swap my enrolment to metalworking.
Too many to name, but on days when I've been too lazy to walk and where I'm going isn't quite far enough to warrant taking a cab, I've gone further down to a 'respectable' distance and then faked a reason to need to go back to where I originally intended to go all along. I'm not proud..
I was at a friends house and his mom was under the impression that I could cook. (I have no clue why) she asked me to help cook some fish for dinner and instead of just saying I could cook I made up an excuse as to why I had to go home and drove home.
Dragging chairs in and out from their desks althrough school life ruined my first impression at university, so i was running late the first day of my uni and everyone is already seated, so i barge in between the row of seats not realizing they were the open handle style seats(you lift up the wooden panel,sit then put it back down)i stood there for 10/20seconds awkwardly, dazzled not knowing what to do, my dumbass thought something is wrong with the seat and i pull it back with all my might get in front of it and pull it back aligning it with the row instead of walking in between rows and behind the seat i should've walked in front of the row....everyone laughed for 5 min straight (i wanted to kill myself)
This was 10 years ago and i still die a little inside thinking about it
When I needed to buy Coca Cola for my whiskey coctail drink, I was too embarrassed for others to see that I'm buying something unhealthy so I would also buy brocolli, some lettuce and water just so it looks less unhealthy even though I wouldn't eat that later.
As a child my family and I were visiting an uncle that I rarely saw. They had a very tiny house with one bathroom that had slats on the door so you could hear things through it. For some reason I was too embarrassed to poop there. I never went during the trip. I ended up super constipated and had to take laxatives and eat Metamucil fiber bars for like 3 days.
RDKibara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For my last year in college, we pick one of four catergories to possibly focus on for the whole year, and would be split into classes in that way. The split off was done very informally after the first meeting " This group here if you want to focus on viz dev, this one for digital modeling, etc."
I didn't know anyone in the digital modeling class, and at the last second decided to go with the larger group of viz dev students only because I had friends there. In the end I never saw those friends because of the workload given to us, and because of the size of the class I ended up floundering through that year because of my anxiety to ask for help.
If I had taken the 3D class, I would have been 1 out of 12 students, and would have actually enjoyed the final year and improved on skills that I am learning on my own after college since it overlaps with my work now.
In 6th grade, I was visiting the house of a friend, whose family had taken in some stray kittens. She mentioned at one point that the kittens were still being house trained and still had occasional accidents. We were watching TV in her living room, when I accidentally spilled a small cup of water while she was out of the room. When she came back and asked about the puddle on the carpet, I panicked for some reason and blamed one of the kittens.
To this day, I figure she probably didnโt buy it, seeing as how A) the puddle was cold and B) didnโt reek of cat urine.
Sat in an empty office for 9 hours writing automated testing scripts because a crushing wave of social anxiety convinced me that I had no business attending a company sponsored team event.
when i was in elementary school, the bus used to stop right in front of my house--like literally right next to the driveway. I would always get ready, open the door, and see the bus approaching my driveway. but i never went if it was this close to coming--i was too embarrassed to run to make the bus and scared that the bus driver would make fun of me for running (which he'd done a few times before) so i'd stand at the door and wait till he passed, and then tell my mom i needed a ride to school because i missed the bus.
Lost my taste buds for the next 2 days till my tongue recovered.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House sitting for a friend this weekend, his wife and him we're packing up last night to leave early this morning. Woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee but the bathroom was down the hall and they were in the middle of the hallway viciously arguing quietly. Didn't want to walk out there into the middle of something, didn't want them knowing I was awake either. Luckily I found a small trash can with a plastic bag liner inside. I peed as slowly and as quietly as possible into the trash can, which is like the worst feeling ever when your bladder's at max capacity.
In drama class in high school everyone had a bit of free time in between rehearsals, I was just staring in to space day dreaming and a friend of mine came to sit with me (laid in front of me infact). She then saw I was focused and thought I was staring down her shirt. When she asked me if I was instead of telling her I was day dreaming I panicked, got the class together and held an impromptu improv session to avoid the conversation.
When i was in high school i had a crush on this boy, let's call him cake.
So I was out with my best friend at the time and we went to a small park, we both saw said cak , he said hi and rather than start up a conversation we both panicked, running right past him to a bush that was RIGHT next to the park, (he had obviously seen us and was gobsmacked but we were hoping he didn't) and it was just our luck; cake and his friends, there was about 5 of them, all started fooling around on that park while my friend and I were stuck sat in this bush trying to be quiet. We both thought we'd probably have to survive there and we were both hungry so like smart people would, we started eating berries that we didn't know were poisonous or not.
We were sat wondering what the hell to do for about 2 hours before we had to think of a plan-we had a certain time to be home- so we were worrying about our situation and both had cramp from being squashed into the same position for hours.
Eventually we had to leave so we both stood up and legged it up the hill where cake and his friends looked shocked about two girls running out of a bush (one of them had seen us hiding beforehand and said there are two girls hiding in that bush like weirdos) and cake had shouted my name but we kept on running. None of them have ever mentioned it since and neither has cake, I just hope no one remembers this ordeal.
Was meeting a girlfriends friend for the first time, knew her name, then introduced myself as her. Then didnโt correct myself and sat in the awkwardness. Apparently she is just as awkward as me and it made it that much more awkward.
When somebody walks into the bathroom while I'm pooping I hold my explosive shits until they leave the bathroom, even if it's 20 minutes. Even if they're also shitting and doing the same thing I don't budge.
C0105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:32 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive three tales of woe to tell
My first is when i was in a car getting a lift home from training by some people, and i realise the door of the car isnt shut properly. So without saying anything i try hold it shut until they noticed it was open and told me to close it
I once was getting a lift home and the people giving me a lift drove past my road and i didnt tell them until a few miles later where i said, i thought you were going to your house first.
In school a girl was going to put this other lads bag in the bin and she accidentally put mine in the bin.
My college professor forgot to print the take home quiz like he normally does so he told us to go to his office to get one. I went during his hours and he was talking to someone (a different class) and i didn't want to interrupt so I waited outside. After a few minutes they weren't done so I left and came back later. He still was talking to the same girl. I waited outside for a few more minutes and he still talked to her so I just went home and didn't do the quiz.
For like ever I have been in love with the same boy my whole life. One day we were in History Class and he turns around and says hey do you have a cigarette? I told him i was freshly out, everyday after that I had a cigarette because he thought I smoked and i didn't wanna tell him I didn't. We became even closer because we started going for that smoke after history class and i never told him i didn't smoke. OH I probably should mention I've only got like one lung
-be me
-be 15 years old
-at dentist waiting room, without parents
-8/10 sitting next to me, old man in front of me
-looking at memes
-one meme funny as hell
-lol lmao XD
-trying hard not to laugh
-8/10 and old man looking at me
-fuck
-act like I have to sneeze
-shittiest fake sneeze ever
-awkward as fuck
A huge number of people at the college I went to would go to the beach at the end of the year - my first year there I was late-nighting with two of my friends along with two girls we met that night sitting in a hot tub. Maybe 3/4 in the morning, everything was going good, and then one of the girls' very big, and very present titty pops out of her bikini, and her and her friend are side-by-side and very drunk so neither of them see it.
I am a sweet summer freshman at this point, and I am just completely baffled by what to do in this situation, my brain was frantically ruffling through all my filing cabinets for "accidental titty etiquette" to completely no avail - full red alert.
Seconds turn to minutes and she's still just very excitedly talking about stuff, booby undulating with the jacuzzi jets, and the whole time I'm awkwardly rubbing my face and eyes to, I donno, shield my eyes from the titty I felt like I shouldn't have been seeing. I keep turning to my two friends, who were seniors at the time and I was hoping that they would take the lead and do something about it, but one of them is just full on good-guy boy scout - looking the girl straight in the eyes and continuing conversation, the other one isn't saying anything and just staring straight at her chest, clearly as shocked and confounded as I. Maybe 5-10 minutes later, her friend sees it and "discreetly" tells her and both of them think it literally just happened and our dumb asses didn't see anything.
tl;dr - saw a titty I shouldn't have seen, was unable to get the words "hey...your titty" out for the life of me.
I have a few:
-On my second "date" with my first gf, things were going meh. I had brought a friend of mine and she brought her two best friends, and since I am a very quiet kinda person, they were doing all the talking and I was just like sitting there and making small comments, I was really nervous and the fact that my gf was sitting on my lap made it a bit worse. Anyway I had gone through the entire date without saying much and just being there... at some point her friends and my friend left us alone for a while and then she tried to kiss me on the lips... I had never kissed anyone before so of course I fucking turned my face away, I felt so ashamed and stupid at that moment lmao. Good thing is that just after that happened I got a phone call from the person that was gonna pick me up, "hey I am outside" thanks jesus. I hated myself for that for like a week. TL;DR: I awkwardly ruined my could-be very first kiss.
-On my first time meeting my second gf irl, her older sister was there with her girlfriend because they wanted to meet me and because my gf's parents had no idea that she was dating someone and they would go mad if they found out so the only way we could see each other was if we met when she was with her sister. We met in one of these places where you sit and eat ice cream (no idea how you call them in English), I introduced myself and they ordered a big ice cream for all of us but me being the shy fuck that I always am refused to eat even though I really wanted to eat ice cream. Anyway we my gf wanted me to talk with them about how we can meet to spend time together and stuff like that, and the first thing I said to her sister was "well, you know me and your sister are in a relationship" to which she responded "no" in a sarcastic voice, that shit only made me more nervous and all I did was laugh awkwardly and proceeded talking. Also a bit later on she asked me how old I was and I said "uhhh 13... No wait! 14" (my birthday was just a couple weeks before that) kill me. TL;DR: Acted a bit awkward while meeting my second gf's sister.
So I was supposed to go to a female friend's house for the first time (who's actually very close to me) but since my parents are very conservative I told them I'm going for a movie with my friends and the tickets are already booked so they can't say no. Next day when I'm supposed to go, I get super anxious thinking it'd be awkward, cancel on her, but still had to go out because of the 'movie. Now I'm out with no one to go to or no where to go with very minimal cash for around 4 hours. That day sucked.
This was when I was like 13. I went to a friend's birthday party and had a blast but upon walking home, I got lost in that suburban maze for over 2 hours. My poop flip phone also died so I had no way of calling for help. Somehow I made my way back to his house and was ringing the door bell but his dad who was in clear view of that glass door wouldn't get up so I assumed the bell wasn't working. Being too scared and awkward, instead of knocking, I attempted the death maze again. After another hour of being lost, I actually just asked random teenagers who were smoking(super bad idea I know) who actually gave me directions out of this death trap.
If I feel awkward I fake talk on my phone. People probably think I'm really popular or important, I fake talk a lot.
Verlante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didnโt know it at the time but a girl I knew was sexually assaulted. So when I was with her and a group of friends I made a nazi joke in front of them.
โWhy canโt nazis Date Jewish girls?โ
โYa canโt rape ashesโ
That was a bad joke that came after an anti feminists conversation where the girl also heard how I thought they were man hating cultists.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So a few months ago we got a new roommate at my apartment. Quiet Asian kid, speaks very softly. I have no idea what his name is because I couldn't hear him the first time he told me. I also have no plans of actually learning his name.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I go to the grocery store looking for one specific item and they don't have it I'll buy something anyway because I'm afraid they'll think I'm up to something shady if I don't.
When I was about 7 or 8 I went for a sleep over at my cousins house sheโs old has no kids at the time but is like a second mom. So I get in the car and I close the door mind you the car they had was kind of a junker so weโre driving and I hear what sounds like wind coming though the car door me being scared thinking I didnโt close the door properly I wound up holding the damn door shut till I didnโt hear the noise. It was a 45 min drive with stops in between. Anyway turns out the window was cracked a little.
I feel like potatoes should, somehow, be mentioned here.
ascot69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:39 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pushed a 140lb box up 15 steps and assembled it into a kitchen nook + table by myself.
Kaimorel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:04 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was 14 went to friend's house to stay the night he had a really fucking creepy dad, they made corn on the cob with steak I had not eaten the other day or that day so I was starving and did not ask for seconds
tl:dr I had eaten the actual cob of the corn and was promptly treated like my entire family was poor and they felt bad for me...
Ironic part my parents made 80-90k more than them a year and when my friend told them they we were not infact poor they did not let me come back over because I am weird to them.
I had to doublecheck the subreddit, because I subscribe to /r/social skills and /r/aspergers and that title would be right at home in both :)
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 22:21:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so this happened only like a couple of hours ago
So me and my crush were sitting next to eachother on a bench next to a lake and her friend said "awww you two should go out" and then walked away so I said "well do you want to?" "I don't know". And then we just sat there for a couple of seconds. Normal people would have done something romantic. But she said "well that was kinda awkward because <her friend> is sitting right behind us" so I said "ya okay this is awkward"
was sleeping over a friend's house in 5th grade with a couple other friends. they were all in the "popular group" so I guess I was at the time too.
was the only kid that wore regular underwear (tighty whities) while everybody else was cool and wearing boxers.
somehow managed to leave a pair of my tight whites on his floor with shit stains in them.
the next week in school he confronted me about it and I denied they were mine. I guess the normal thing would be to own it?
him and the other kids shit on me (no pun intended) for it, and it didn't take long for me to not be a part of the cool kids anymore. never really rebounded from that and wasn't a part of the popular group for the rest of my time in school. was actually an outcast all through high school and it really started in 6th grade.
had a rough time growing up, (also grew up without a biological father) but I'm probably just as/more successful than all of them now. I also live across country from where I grew up while most people have stayed in that area their whole lives (2007 hs graduate)
Accept someone wasn't interested in me and if they were it wasn't enough to matter
Aubin_G ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mum sent me to buy a cake for my dad's birthday . The guy was mumbling so I just answered yes until he gave me a cake. Ended up getting the wrong cake for my dad. Was still good though
Yesterday I had a clock in my shopping basket that I wanted to price check. Forgot to check the price until I was in the checkout. Too awkward to ask for the price or to just leave it there. Bought the clock. It was $29. Way too much for a clock.
Ha! That's relevant. Happened on Monday. I was in a science fiction and fantasy convention and I wanted a coke, so I bought one in the local store. I bought a glass bottle because those taste fresher but I forgot to ask the cashier to open it for me. So.. thus began the quest to find a bottle opener in a place with weapons and cosplay, just because I was too awkward to go back and ask her to open it for me.
I searched for 30 minutes until I found the only bottle opener in that convention. No joke, I've been to every single store and that was the only one I could find.
So now I am the very ashamed owner of..
A bottle opener... fidget spinner...
Late to the party but
A few months ago.
I Walk in the bar towards my Friends, a few girls I know Just a Little and the girl I fancy ..alot.
I give my male friends a firm handshake.
I give my female Friends a hug.
I give the girls I barrely know a one armed hug/3 kisses.
Then there is the girl I fancy, I thought: "it would be weird to do one of these thinks to her, she would probably Think something like wow dude! To much"
So the idiote I am gave her a cringey smile. A FUCKING BROKEN SMILE!
I am 24 by the way..
MNSKHAN ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:22:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except we'd been friends for 12+ years, and together for 5
MNSKHAN ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:27:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except we'd been friends for 12+ years, and together for 5
She would then respond with "Dude, we're in a fucking Skype call. JUST SAY IT PUSSY!"
We've been together almost a year and I still do this.
Levvy3 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:12:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I had a huge multitude on a girl who worked at the airing thru of my bank. I would go to a distinctive branch, withdraw some cash and then pledge it at her branchest drive thru in hopes she was working. It wasn't until much later that I completed she could more than likely see I had made a withdrawal for the exact amount I was depositing just minutes before.
I refuse to pump my own gas. Ive been forced to do so twice since Iโve been driving, about 15 years. Iโve recently moved 35 mins or so from my momโs house to my boyfriendโs. There used to be a full service station down the road from here, itโs closed now. So, I now drive out of my way down to my old neighborhood at least 1ce a week (yay Yaris gas mileage) to fill my tank. โฝ๏ธ
I took the wrong bus home and was at the last stop when i told the driver that i was supposed to take the bus to the park near my house. She dropped me off at the park and asked which one was my house and said "thanks I'm good here. Bye!" and ran towards my house at light speed. Then i cried in my bed and never road the bus again :/
Once, my crush fell asleep on my shoulder during a church event (the circumstances surrounding this were a bit boring) and she was holding a pencil. It started to dig into my stomach. I didn't have the heart to wake her up and ask to move or move her hand(because Heaven forbid) and so yeah, long story short, I have a piece of led permanently lodged inside of me. Fun stuff.
I heard about a guy who pretended that he didnt kkow what a potato was in front of his girlfriends parents to make a joke, but then when things got too awkward he stuck with it for some reason and it just got worse and worse.
Maxwe4 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHEN I WAS LIKE FOUR I WAS AT DAYCARE AND I WAS TOO SHY TO ASK TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO I PEED UNDER THE PLAY CASTLE. WHY DID I THINK THAT WOULD BE OKAY.
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fourfrenchfries ยท 2470 points ยท Posted at 23:23:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I saw watermelons at the store in a big box labeled "19 cents." I (stupidly) thought this meant the watermelons were 19 cents each. I put eight in my cart.
Imagine my surprise, then, when the cashier rang up my watermelons for thirty-some odd dollars. Baffled, I just stared at him and realized it was nineteen cents PER POUND.
I was too awkward and embarrassed to tell the cashier I misunderstood or changed my mind, so I just accepted my watermelony fate. I ate watermelon for breakfast and lunch and dinner. I made watermelon margaritas and watermelon sorbet. There isn't a watermelon recipe on Pinterest I didn't consider.
It was halfway through the watermelon fiasco, after complaining about the stupid watermelon for days, that I realized that even if they HAD been only nineteen cents ... I still bought too many goddamn watermelons
outersphere ยท 400 points ยท Posted at 18:55:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you're the guy in our math textbook... "fourfrenchfries buys eight watermelons. He eats a quarter watermelon for breakfast, half a watermelon for lunch, and one-third of a watermelon for breakfast. He then uses 2 2/3 of a watermelon to prepare margaritas and sorbet. How many watermelons does he have now?"
fourfrenchfries ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 18:57:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. And the answer is TOO FECKIN MANY.
massivebumwizard ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 13:22:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been reading through this thread for a couple of hours and have read some horrible, cringeworthy, disgusting things. But this is my favourite by far. Just the idea of someone defiantly buying such a large quantity of watermelons out of sheer pride. Thanks!
Rupertion ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 19:03:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the type of guy you find in math problems
SuaveUchiha ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:12:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watermelony ๐ญ
abhigeek ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:54:45 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's 2am and I'm laughing so hard. Thank you
albosp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:20:59 on November 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here it is 01:18 am and i am trying not to laugh because my wife is sleepig and i feel my eyes out of the place because of the pressure haha
mcdangles19 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:43:23 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who gets 8 watermelons you weird fuck
fourfrenchfries ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:13:14 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I THOUGHT THEY WERE NINETEEN CENTS
literallyclickedit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:07:46 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just wanted to let you know that I also did this once. But with one watermelon. I thought it was like, cheap af and I didn't buy 8 but I went to buy 2 and they were actually like $9 EACH. So I was like "OH............. Sorry, I don't want them...." and did a shame walk. So, I guess I didn't totally do what you did, but I thought for sure that at least one other person would have commented saying they at least made this error on the $/lb thing, and no one did. So, have a sliver of comfort.
fitzij ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:32:54 on October 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of giant watermelons do you have? 30 dollars for 8 watermelons is pretty steep as well.
eiffel31 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:27:05 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Must watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gUKZpgVfMo
thrustyjusty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:37:52 on November 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
19 cents per pound of water melon is fucking cheap, where do you live cause here in new Zealand it's 4.99 per kilo
llambie42 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:43:48 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You win, hands down!
halp_wat_is_username ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:52:37 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last line fucking slayed me dude. You absolute menace.
klobbermang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:52:46 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could have walked immediately to customer service and returned most of them.
Saywhatwant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:09:31 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ew I don't like watermelons so this was a special cringe for me.
literallyclickedit ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:09:55 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does one not like watermelons....... so basically,
Say what!?
erickthemeeknerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:07 on December 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have no soul
mattamz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:11 on November 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i did this with a scratchcard once, i wanted a ยฃ2 one and I chose a ยฃ10 by accident and was too awkward to say i didn't want it. still didn't win anything.
kenz_cress ยท 6094 points ยท Posted at 19:37:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed one sheet of blank printer paper from the computer lab at my college. There were maybe 5 other students in there when I walked in and I was afraid that pulling open the paper drawer on the printer would be super loud and disruptive so I logged on to a computer and printed out 5 blank pieces of paper instead.
merging247 ยท 2505 points ยท Posted at 00:02:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the most committment I've ever seen anyone make to not causing a disruption
TyrantJester ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 12:05:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how I got printer paper from HR for a month when my boss failed to order the right size paper. I took a piece of paper with me, put it in upside down and acted like I was making dozens of copies.
TheFire_Eagle ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 10:00:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-Loud crashing as you jerk open the paper tray and slam it shut-
"I'm getting some blank paper here, mothafuckas!"
leadabae ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:06:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's ironic though because the sound of the printer was probably louder than the drawer would have been. It just seems less disruptive because everyone does it. I love social psychology.
kenz_cress ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:24:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually the printer isnโt super loud at all! But the drawer opening sounds like someone is beating the plastic drawer with a hammer
uglypelican ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:35:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just picturing the printer being out of paper and that annoying beep starts blaring throughout the room... and OP just sitting there like "I was trying to NOT make this happen!"
Mouse-Keyboard ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:44:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely you won't notice if someone makes a lot of effort to avoid causing disruption?
FrAX_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:37 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if only my flat mates would show a fraction of a percent of this
sylvester_0 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 02:26:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... until your plan backfires because the printer jammed.
thattoneman ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 09:39:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine how this would play out:
"Oh no oh no oh no something's wrong"
"Hey, is everything ok?"
"U-uh yeah, I just think there's a paper jam."
"Oh, let me help you with that."
"Yeah...thanks."
"Alright, got the stuck page out. The printer should try to print it out again."
"Cool, I think I got it from here."
"Nah, I just want to make sure everything's working fine.
...
Huh, all these pages are blank-"
"Yeah um-"
"I guess it's low on ink. I'll just load these back into the tray. What was it you were trying to print?"
"Um..."
-Reddit_Account- ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 13:19:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit it's me in text form
T0Mjefferson ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:02:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you stop that
Monster-Kitty ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:47:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this exact same thing except I didn't know where the paper tray on the printer was, so instead of going to the printer and risk looking stupid, I just printed a bunch of blank sheets.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 11:33:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but then you get nice toasty paper :D
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 14:41:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a 6 weeks internship at a library as part of library science at uni and the third day the manager caught me basically facepalming a stack of warm paper. We just kinda locked eyes and she went to turn up the heating in the offices. Stone buildings in winter man.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:53:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol. I needed some scrap paper the other day at work and totally just printed it out blank after I didn't see any extra stock near the printers. Totally mental, r/madlads stuff.
I held those pages on my face and even gave a hearty sniff.
warmchinchilla ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg. Please be my best friend.
DBX12 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:45:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the college charged you 8 cents for each page. Or 30 cents if you forgot to set it to grayscale only.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:55:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My university implemented the printing funds system my first year I was there. At first it was annoying, but it made sense later. People were printing entire text books and entire research journals. We all got like $30 credit to start the semester (probably added in the tuition bill somewhere, whatever) but that would last through a lot of normal printing needs.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:10:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's why I use a hand scanner, and read the textbooks on the computer.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:20:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I learned of an app on Reddit a while back that would take pictures and format it into pdfs. Pretty nifty and WAY easier than scanning (can't remember it though, it was on a much older iPhone.) I'd rent the textbook and then return them within like a week for a refund.
ForthwithJackal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:35:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not exactly the same thing, but I use an app called OfficeLens that works similarly. Markets itself as a pocket scanner, but obviously using your phone camera. Automatically crops, re-orients, and zooms into the subject of the picture(i.e. keeps just the document, just the whiteboard, etc.). It also has the option to save it as a PDF.
snugasabugthatssnug ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:22:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And there's my uni giving us ยฃ2 for printing at the start of year 1, if you need more money to print the rest of your time at uni you have to put your own money on the account :(
Costs 5p per single side or 2.5p per side if you're printing double sided (black and white). It's 25p (or 12.5p per side of double sided) if you want colour. Most of my coursework submissions are physical copies, so the printing costs builds up
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:58:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's brutal. It's so antiquated how professors want physical copies of coursework too. Every office I've worked we've always eliminated paper in favor of pdfs. All my documents I work with are on the computer unless I have to print up the financials to serve up for a meeting.
allthewayfucked ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:40:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You try opening and printing assignments from 200 students, half of whom have never used their $3000 macs to do anything but use a web browser and tell me again why students can't just print their own shit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:19 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well seeing as how college is preparing you for the WORK place, the professors should be doing as much. Plus, with online schools and homework platforms becoming the norm, paper is being phased out.
allthewayfucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:16 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know who told you college is preparing you for work, but it damn sure wasn't a professor. College is for learning. You want to get ready for work, go to ITT or something.
kenz_cress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason my college gives us an insane amount of free pages before they start charging us. Itโs like 2500 free a year. My freshman year I barely broke 200 pages, so now I donโt really worry about that! My college is insane though.
quixoticsnake ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:21:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's adorable
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:22:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a college library, and we keep little trash cans next to the printers so that people can recycle papers (if it printed an extra page with nothing on it, etc.). Then students can use these papers for scratch paper. If you can muster it, perhaps you could ask the staff if they have something like this or if they could implement it!
TheRealDemonicdueler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:20:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done this as well but mine was due to laziness.
AileWing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at the end of each school year. We were given print credits for each term. They would roll over into the next term but would reset at the start of a new school year. Not wanting to waste print credits (I hardly used them), I would print out at least fifty sheets across many different days during the last term of the year. I now have quite a bit of printer paper that I can use.
willejt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:38:13 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is infinitely better if you imagine everybodyโs scenario as Michael Cera cira 2007
soeux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like something i would do
dragonmom1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:58:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have done that due to being afraid that just taking the paper would be seen as stealing it for personal use whereas printing something out would be an acceptable use of the paper.
Natcur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:53:04 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats not dumb TBH
idoitforthelolz3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you from Minnesota?
superfile456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That way the printer warms up the paper, so you had that going for you
wheregoodideasgotodi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The printer in my office is so janked up that doing this actually makes more noise than opening the drawer
Horaciow14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't printing 5 sheets just as noisey though?
iSkillet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't the printer printing paper out be just as distracting?
apersonpeople334 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But isn't printing louder than just opening the tray?
kenz_cress ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:30:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason the printer part is super quite, like a weird efficient ninja printer. But you can basically hear the drawer opening throughout the whole building.
ojpaudu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atleast the paper is nice and warm
llambie42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:28 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is hilarious!
ThatBrownGuy197 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:22 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing just this week!
ron-paul-swanson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:03 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish more people were this polite in computer labs/libraries/etc while I was studying in college.
jred250 ยท 5570 points ยท Posted at 18:59:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in middle school I was standing in a line in this little building where the school sold concessions at lunch. There was another line right next to me (to my right) and in that line there were two girls talking with each other, just slightly ahead of me. One of the girls had some writing on her shirt on the chest and I was bored and trying to read it.
I overhear the other girl tell her "That little kid over there is staring at your boob." So instead of just being normal, and saying "Oh no, I'm just trying to read your shirt." I instead start staring at the wall past her, like staring into the distance is just a normal thing I do. I let people walk around me in the line because I'm so committed to my new staring gimmick.
What an idiot I was....
vaxfarineau ยท 451 points ยท Posted at 00:14:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not think this thread would make me lose my shit as much as it has, holy fuck
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 07:21:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Nelson_MD ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 11:27:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who the fuck down votes this? Itโs literally the most agreeable comment one could make you grumpy fucks
Groili ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 11:54:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't downvote it, but you have to take into account relevance and how a comment adds to the conversation.
Nelson_MD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:55:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean the comment may not add much, but definitely relevant. I wouldnโt say downvote worthy
Chickenation ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:54:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a part of reddiquette to try to comment things that actually bring something new to a conversation. Commenting that you found something funny isn't useful since that's what the upvote button is for.
allthewayfucked ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:48:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buddy, uhhh...you need to log-off.
xannax2780 ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 02:21:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar. I was sitting in biology class, waiting for it to start, and the desks are arranged in a U-shape. I was sitting at the top left of the U and this girl was sitting directly across from me. There was some writing on a whiteboard behind her, and I was trying to read it. I didnโt even notice she was looking at me, thinking I was staring at her, until she waved and asked if I needed anything. Instead of saying no and telling her I was reading the board behind her, I just looked down and stared at the table until class started. Lol.
femanonette ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 07:28:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here l'll make you and /u/jred250 feel better: Idiot me in 10th grade thought a guy across from me was cute. I have no idea what possessed me, but I got it in my head that if I just stare at him he'll notice and voila... seduction! My memory is fuzzy on this part but either somebody mentioned something to me outside of class or I said something to my friends who told me I was being a creep. Absolutely mortified that I had played this all wrong, my solution from then on out was that I would keep staring over there for at least the next month so that if anyone ever notices or had noticed, they'd instead think I was bored and zoned out in that direction instead of awkward girl being an unintentional misinformed creep.
Damn. I'd forgotten all about that until this thread.
Regretski ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 10:32:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just reminded me I did the same thing to a girl when I was about 12/13. I was very shy, and had no idea how to approach my crush or express interest. I decided, like you, that if I stared at her enough.. You know, I can't even remember how I thought that would go exactly. If she noticed me staring at her she'd know I was interested, I guess? So I did that. Not just in one class, but multiple classes we shared together, in different rooms, in different seating arrangements. Jesus Christ.
KennyFulgencio ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:34:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No no, you were right. That's how it works.
jred250 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:25:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://frinkiac.com/gif/S06E24/1009774/1013111.gif?b64lines=IFNPLCBUSElTIElTIFdIQVQgSVQgRkVFTFMKIExJS0UgV0hFTiBET1ZFUyBDUlkuCg==
carverthekid ยท 673 points ยท Posted at 23:33:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT
[deleted] ยท 152 points ยท Posted at 00:22:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were looking at the boob, werenโt you?
MeInMyMind ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:32:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically, he was.
IntermittentSteam ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 11:33:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some say OP is still there, just staring, to this day.
reddititaly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:57:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's terrifying how much I can relate to this
maethor1337 ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 06:06:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pro-tip: if you want to stare at someone, stare at the wall behind them. When they try to make eye contact donโt meet their gaze. Once they look away you can shift your eyes to stare at them for a good 20 seconds and they wonโt re-check.
kylemaoin ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 13:38:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How often are you staring at people?
maethor1337 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:40:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I picked this up in an unethical LPT thread (also pro-tip: when buying beer scan a can, not the whole box) but have used this a handful of times.
kylemaoin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:06:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have friends who worked at the corner store. They'd cover the barcode of everything with their hand, "scan" it, and only charge your cheapest item. Still looks like a purchase on the security tape but you basically got to rob them.
broom_slap ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:56:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy stares
Chidori001 ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 08:59:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man readable T-shirts on women are a pain though. I did this to a coworker once. We were in the break room and she had a T-shirt with a comic dinausaur on it that had a little "rawr" on it. I thought it was an incredible cute design and was just looking at it from across the table. She picked up on it and asked "You like what you see? " in a mocking kind of tone and I was still totally oblivious to what I was doing and just said "yeah its pretty cute". My good friend next to me kicked me in the shin and only then I realised. She accepted my apology but I dont think she believed me that my only interest was the cute dinosaur.
Cunt_Bag ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 13:31:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly though, if you're wearing a shirt with words or a picture on it, what do you expect?
allthewayfucked ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:50:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU IDIOT
Sir_Clyph ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 05:19:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man I did something pretty similar except I was just staring into the void. Literally just staring in a direction not thinking about anything, but apparently it looked like I was staring directly at a girls boobs. She noticed and got really pissed at me and I had NO idea what she was talking about for like a solid minute.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:32:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That void can get tricky.
Thatoneguywhofailed ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:54:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't answer its call, though.
Edit: grammared
SimplicityWalrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:43:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
its = possessive it's = it is its' isn't a word not trying to be malicious, just friendly grammar correction
havron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:06 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to Night Vale.
Hawkens007 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:18:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was drinking water and I started choking, thanks pal!
HumongousTuna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:58:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enter the void and become wind.
kaylashalayla ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 02:02:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh i stare off into the distance all the time to deal with nervousness. lol people just chalk it up to me being "patient" or "quiet" lol
KryptoniteDong ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:25:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you stare at a boob?
razor5cl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:19:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From the side maybe?
KryptoniteDong ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:58:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm.. Fair enough. (เธใ)เธง
_squarepizza ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:35:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you didn't insult her instead. I worked with a teenaged boy (I'll call him Jay) and there was a lady who would come into the small ma & pa store where we worked all the time. She would always try to dress/act younger than she was, make up stupid lies that a cashier wouldn't care about. One day she came in wearing a shirt with big lettering and Jay being the awkward shit that he was trying to read it and the lady was like "are you staring at my boobs?" And he just goes "don't fucking flatter yourself. If I was really interested in boobs, there are younger and prettier girls that come in here."
She gathered her stuff and never came back. I'm like 90% sure she moved because she rented a house down the road from me but I was genuinely surprised that she never complained.
jred250 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I definitely came up with a similar retort several hours later. I'm keeping it in my back pocket in case I ever run into that situation again!
factotum75 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:40:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of midde school feels in one post.
CyberClawX ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 10:42:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be so pissed if I was accused of staring at boobs when someone is wearing a tshirt with a catchy drawing and / or a bunch of text.
FFS if people don't want other people to stare at their ass, don't have "Little Bitch" written in glitter on the buttcheecks. I mean, am I out of reality here? It feels like a streaker that stops to ask "what are you looking at?" - I'm looking at the nudist that feels no cold nor discomfort running naked. Why did you stop?
This comes from someone who "dresses different" and gets enough side glarees. If you don't want people to stare at you, dress normal. Simple as fuck. If you don't mind everyone looking at you like the odd man out, then go ahead and dress like someone about to put on a show.
rivers67 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's some funny shit right there!
evildino666 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:33:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
op was probably staring at the wall thinking to himself "show bobs pls"
Bamb0oM ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:36:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just made me loudly say HA at work, now everyone is looking it me. I guess I should just stare out of the window?
Ass_ketchum_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:56:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Straight from Superbad hahaha
Doip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve gotten the ehhh wave from a girl before. I was looking out the window cause I thought I saw something and only realized how it looked once she waved.
rachman77 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:57:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy Fuck this is amazing haha. I'm dying at work. I am just picturing you staring and then hearing her say that, then you like narrowing your eyes and really trying to make it obvious you're staring at the wall like you don't even see them. Then moving your head around like you're trying to look around her. Omg
Core_2_Duo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:22:57 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you really call the food items sold at a consession stand consessions? I just had to look up on wikipedia what a consession stand was and read that they are called consession stands because the contracts to third parties to sell snacks at their venue are called consessions.
CentrifugalCat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely something I would do. I feel so normal now/
illneverforget2015 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:51:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hysterical
asun2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:42 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh who's man
danjohnson95 ยท 750 points ยท Posted at 20:44:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was in a taxi and I think the driver must have misheard my address. I noticed he was going the wrong way, but I didnโt say anything because I was too awkward.
Finally he drops me off about half an hour from my house. And Iโm all like โthatโs perfect, thanks mateโ. Paid with a tip, got out, walked around for a bit, waited for him to go, then called another taxi to get me home.
Smeorach ยท 265 points ยท Posted at 22:18:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God- what if it had been the same taxi that arrived? Can't risk it- walking instead.
croppedcross3 ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 16:15:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually done this. Went on vacation, uber dropped us off at a restaurant. As we're pulling up my wife and i both agree it looks shitty and we're not eating here. Instead of being normal and telling the guy we're changing our minds, we let him leave and then schedule another uber. Of course he was the only one available in a twenty minute area. So we waited patiently in the parking lot for 20 minutes.
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:10:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hail a taxi down or use another taxi service.
whatifimnot ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:18:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OBVIOUSLY
Thontmaster ยท 1382 points ยท Posted at 18:26:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in middle school I went to a day camp in the summer and didnโt know how to swim. Rather than admitting that and being taught (and embarrassed) I would go to the bathroom to change and just hide in the stall until swim time was over. The counselors called me a thug and bathroom boy but I never had to go into that pool
mycalvesthiccaf ยท 150 points ยท Posted at 06:07:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did they call you a thug?
NotFakingRussian ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 12:02:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause he shanked a guy.
Captain_Cawk ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:22:00 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude this made me laugh more than anything else on here
FIoopIlngIy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:41:26 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
KALIMAAAAAAAH
RaqMountainMama ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 07:37:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I volunteered at cub scout day camp every summer for about 6 years while my kids were cub scouts. One summer, my new group of scouts were completing their swim tests so they could swim during camp. One at a time they jump in, swim across the pool then float for one minute. Then it's Jimmy's turn. He jumps in, stays rigid as a board and sinks feet first to the bottom of the pool and stays there. I look at him for just long enough to determine he wasn't planning on coming back up and I dive in to get him, drag him up, and get him back on the pool deck. I ask him "Jimmy, what's going on, can't you swim?" And he says "No, I can't swim - but Ms. RaqMountainMama, you told me to jump in and my mom said I had to listen to you." I love that kid.
He's grown now, probably 21-22. He did learn to swim that summer.
shawmonster ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:57:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, you had a pool at the Cub Scout camp you worked at? Every camp Iโve been to was built right on a pond or lake for swimming.
RaqMountainMama ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:39:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep! There was a lake too, used for canoeing and fishing, and backdrop to crossover/arrow of light ceremonies. Clear Creek BSA camp.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:23:46 on November 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope he joined the army
We could use a man with those skills
elijej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:15 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raq as in the band?
RaqMountainMama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:38 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Play on words Rocky /Raqs. Raqs is an Arabic word - "to dance", in essence.
elijej ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:03:15 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool
jugglingjellybeans ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 00:13:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this thread is bringing back a lot of painful memories. This reminds me of when I was in middle school. In the 8th grade, I was really having trouble fitting in at school. I wasnโt handling puberty well and a lot of my friends from elementary school changed and started hanging out with other people. I was awkward as fuck and felt really bad most of the time. During P.E. I started taking as long as I could to change and come out of the locker room to avoid actually spending time with my class mates. The teacher didnโt notice and I figured nobody else noticed. I spent more and more time just hiding in the locker room, hiding in bathroom. I think I eventually got called out on it and stopped after a week or so. But shortly after I was called to the principles office and I had no idea why. In the office was a kid I barely knew who was accusing me of stealing $20 out of his locker because I was the only one who stayed in the locker room while everyone else was in class. I was really surprised. So I had to admit to this kid and the principal that I wasnโt a thief, that I merely just didnโt want to go to class and be around anyone. They didnโt believe. But they couldnโt prove anything and let me go. The kid just wound up not liking me. I stopped going to school for the rest of the school year not long after that because I couldnโt deal.
shawster ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 12:43:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw man. That's a rough situation. I'm sorry man.
jugglingjellybeans ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:47:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, but itโs ok. I didnโt want to deal back then. It was over 25 years ago. Hadnโt thought about it until reading through this thread. Iโm doing ok now.
MiecyslawStilinski ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:04:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was at school me and my friend used to stay in the locker room during P.E. but we actually were stealing. I remember getting like ยฃ40 out of someones bag once, some poor kid who probably didn't have a job. We were mostly just taking spare change, make-up, food etc. I don't know how we never got caught, everyone knew we used to hang out in there instead of going to class.
I still regularly remember and feel terrible about it. Wish i could remember who we stole from so i could right the wrong.
shevrolet ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:17:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you feel bad about it now at least. Someone stole my wallet from the locker room. Thankfully I had no money, but I had to pay $60 I didn't have to replace my bus pass and my wallet was really cute and unique :(
MiecyslawStilinski ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:30:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really sorry that happened. I feel like i should give you $60 as i can't give it to the people i did steal from... or at least reddit gold but unfortunately karma seems to of got me back and I'm very very broke right now. But just in case thoughts can pay your bills then this counts right?
shevrolet ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:25:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I accept your $60 thought and forgive you on behalf of those random kids from P.E. We've all done shitty stuff that we wish we could take back.
KennyFulgencio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:33:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's too bad-feeling for me to dig up and describe in detail here, but I went through something extremely similar. In 8th grade. Hiding in little-used stairwells, in my case. Eventually stopped going to school for the rest of the school year. And the first half of the following year. Ended up going straight from advanced classes in regular school, to a special ed school, lumped in with all the students with "behavioral problems" beyond what a normal school could handle.
jugglingjellybeans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:48:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hope youโre doing better now. School can be rough for a lot of kids.
KennyFulgencio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:16:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm one of the kids who didn't get out alive, so to speak. Along with a lot of other bad things going on at home (before, during, and after those years), the damage, combined with the way those years shape who you become, resulted in a permanently limited outcome. But at least I'm alive in the literal sense and not in jail or homeless, so, I've got that going for me!
jugglingjellybeans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just be thankful for what ya got, as that one song goes. Hang in there. Keep on keepin on.
KennyFulgencio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh indeed, I am (though I have to periodically remind myself of it).
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How are you doing now? I hope things improved for you.
jgraham1 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:41:49 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone is asking about the thug part and I'm just giggling at "bathroom boy"
emlilly316 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:39:02 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read through all the comments in hopes of some good "Bathroom Boy" superhero jokes
Disappointed Girl
RooneyNeedsVats ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:16:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why thug?
twospooky ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:57:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really not understanding the thug part.
Thontmaster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:01:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me either, at the time I didnโt even know what thug meant so I was confused
exhausted_platypus ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:52:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I eat the core, but I start bottom first as then you can use the stem as a handle.
lainechandler ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 03:16:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You replied to the wrong comment and I was so confused.
The_Thrifter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:21:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know how to swim now at least?
That's a pretty important skill for everyone to have.
Thontmaster ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:55:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do! I learned a few years later lol
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:18:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Thontmaster ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha well I suppose an adult in that situation would just admit they donโt know how and learn. I do know how to swim now tho
Zalminen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:03:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an adult and can't swim. I just stay away from water and freely admit I can't swim.
piltonpfizerwallace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:40:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Makes me thankful for my dad. We don't agree on much these days, but he taught me all the practical stuff I've ever needed to know.
idontknowduude ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:31:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have found Greg Heffley!
mycalvesthiccaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did they call you a thug?
Thontmaster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:01:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beats me, I didnโt even know what it meant at the time
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hiding in the bathroom. Thug Life.
KARMAGEDDON416 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A thug??
Sepiac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thug? Why thug?
KittenyCuddles ยท 8749 points ยท Posted at 20:44:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hugged a job interviewer when I was 16. The interview had concluded and she opened the door and stretched out her arm towards me to indicate I was free to go. For some reason I saw it as an invitation to hug and we had the most awkward one-armed hug/back pat ever.
dabriela ยท 2605 points ยท Posted at 23:59:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been reading this thread for like an hour, this is the worst one omg
KittenyCuddles ยท 1439 points ยท Posted at 00:09:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it's one of those memories that visits me at night.
imyourfather ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 03:58:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's ok. Spider-man made the same mistake with Ironman.
Justine772 ยท 118 points ยท Posted at 04:57:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking dying with silent laughter because if I wake the dog she'll want to go outside. Next time you think of that memory and feel shame, think about how many strangers you made laugh with that story
ipostic ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 05:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed silently so hard shaking that almost woke up my wife sleeping next to me. I wouldnโt want to take her outside either.
izzygreen ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:45:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another sneaky shaking spouse right here! Haha
Lightningseeds ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:59:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. Maybe we need help..
Kschl ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 08:45:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took my wife outside worth the laughter
Krakutis ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:08:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A laughed out loud. My girlfriends a heavy sleeper.
Golden_Spider666 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 09:30:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did you get the job?
KittenyCuddles ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:38:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No :(
Golden_Spider666 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I read your other comments. Girl that was a good thing. That boss sounded like s total bitch
GnomeNot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:57:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I wondered...
krully37 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:40:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just embrace it.
UnrulySupervisor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:39:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fixing to make every applicant that walks in my door so uncomfortable.
wanton-tom-tom ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:23:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was the cuddle at all kitteny thoigh?
dsebulsk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:42:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey maybe that interviewer really needed a hug that day.
-poop-in-the-soup- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:14:47 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen the latest Spider-Man?
reddititaly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now it's going to visit me as well
KittenyCuddles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:14:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hugs!
lalala253 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:58:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
reading this thread honestly makes me feel better.
the dumbest thing I've ever done is nothing compared to this
Bendrake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:02 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
samesies, do horribly awkward.
badashly ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 23:12:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol did you get the job?
KittenyCuddles ยท 326 points ยท Posted at 00:06:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I most certainly did not. It was at a trendy clothing shop and during the interview she told me all the things that were wrong with my outfit which made me super self-conscious and probably led to the whole hug fiasco.
CBRadioCB ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 03:33:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this same thing happen to me once when dropping off my resume at a clothing store. It was like 12 years ago and I still stew about it every once in a while. I feel somewhat comforted knowing I'm not the only one this has happened to. (But I'm sorry your interview was so awkward!)
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 07:39:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CBRadioCB ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 12:27:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unnecessary is totally the word for it. Thank you for saying so! It just seemed really bizarre to me because it's not like I went in there wearing ratty sweatpants or anything. I had actually carefully picked an outfit that I thought was nice and fit with the store's aesthetic. I responded with a meek "I'm sorry, I guess we have different styles" and she said "Well, it's not about style" and continued on her snotty assessment. It was a student town and I was applying for a job in vicinity of minimum wage, but it was like she expected people to waltz in wearing Prada?
TheMysteriousMid ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:52:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been a hiring manager for a couple different operations, I always judge what someone is wearing. Even when I was hiring for service industry jobs, if you come in wearing mesh shorts and flip flops, unless you're an otherwise perfect candidate, you're not getting the job.
That said, I've only said anything about it if is positive, and only after the interview "I like that you wore a tie" or "nice suit"
Bamres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:07 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah i had a group interview where we were asked to style an outfit of their clothes and the store wasn't my style and I was doing a women's look. And they crituliqued the shit out of it with good reason.
HalfDragonShiro ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 03:52:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, its probably a good thing you didn't get the job.
Someone that judgemental about people's appearance probably won't make a good coworker and definitely not a good manager
drakaris022 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:58:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean the interviewer could've gone about it better by being polite and simply not hiring op, but the job is tied to appearances. The fact that they were judgemental about what the potential employee wore doesn't mean they're a bad manager. That being said, it still sucks the way they treated op.
hogger85 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:44:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They would probably see it as trying to help your style so you know what you are doing wrong so you can correct it.
HalfDragonShiro ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 07:56:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but an asshole that doesn't think they're being an asshole is still an asshole.
hogger85 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:09:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But to them it is no different to say a "i was nice to the user and explained their stupidity despite wanting to just laugh at them" type post on /r/talesfromtechsupport
Justine772 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 05:00:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel any better, I applied for one of those places and when the interviewer asked me which celebrity has the best fashion taste to me and why, (I know nothing about fashion) I lied and said "taylor swif! I just love that chick look." I went home and told my friend and they said "did you mean chiq?"
I legit thought that chiq (pronounced sheek) was pronounced CHICK.
I didn't get the job.
rnykal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:34:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is chiq?
kipumab ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:56:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs chic not chiq
rnykal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:11:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was thinking, but still, what is it?
BucklyBuck ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:46:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"elegantly stylish and fashionable"
rnykal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK so pr much anything in vogue, like if you see someone that is well-groomed and has cool clothes and obviously cares about their appearance and fashion, they would be chic?
O hey i found a wiki article
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chic
Dr_McKay ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:22:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a baby Chiqen
Justine772 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:55:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a...fashion style? I still don't know anything about fashion. I spelled it wrong. My idea of fashion is old jeans, old sneakers, and a ragged sweatshirt lmao
rnykal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:57:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ye i just wear stuff i think is comfortable or has a lot of pockets lol
ZanyDelaney ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:33:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought everyone understood chic. Maybe the word's a bit dated?
InCactusMaximus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:34:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, now I feel really bad :(
Adama0001 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:54:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But hey. Youโre full of kittens cuddles and they arenโt. You win!
Golden_Spider666 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:30:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. What a bitch
drcash360-2ndaccount ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:20:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably needed the hug lol
jrm2007 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:17:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this doesn't sound sexist but it is 100 times more normal to do what you did if you were both females than if you were male and the interviewer was female or both were males. I would wager that in the USA, at least in the past 20 years, no male interviewee has hugged an interviewer after the first interview. On the other hand, I have heard of really grueling series of interviews, like 25 at some investment bank and maybe at the end of that, they hug.
BroskiMcToasty ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 08:49:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a moment about a week ago similar to this. I delivered some pizzas to this guys house and after about 15 minutes of his s.o. complaining the food was too expensive, the dude just gave me the full amount of cash and a 5$ tip. He apologized about his s.o. and I tried to apologize about the price (even though they ordered a sh*t load of food).
So he says have a good day and reaches to close his screen door that opened outwards, and for some reason I thought he was trying to fist bump me so I put my fist out. He reacts with an open hand for a hand shake, to which I open my hand, but then he makes a fist at the same time. We switch like this maybe 2-3 times and end up interlocking our hands together (like fingers in between each others fingers, like this ๐but more fist shaped).
We stay like this for a really long 2 seconds and look up at each other, then I tried to play it off by making a finger gun and saying "we'll work on that haha"... He didnt laugh and just said "alright..." And shut the door...
I dont think it was to bad but I felt my heart cringe inside ๐๐ฌ
StoopidMonkey78 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:00:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you think he regrets giving you the tip?
BroskiMcToasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think so, I was trying to be apologetic about how much the pizzas were and felt bad. Somehow it ended up costing them more to use the coupon than not...
StoopidMonkey78 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No I mean because you were awkward
BroskiMcToasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:51 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh idk. I dont think so...
jawni ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:26:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm trying to picture this scene. You're at the front door, you hand them the pizza, s.o complains while you and the guy are standing at the door for 15 minutes, then I'm guessing the guy came out of his s.o-complaint-induced comatose state and realized he had to actually pay you?
Were you just pestering them to pay for the whole 15 minutes? Did they put in the order and then decide to dispute the price after it was delivered?
BroskiMcToasty ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:26:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry it wasn't more detailed. I just didn't want my comment to be too long. What had happened was they ordered two extra large pizzas, a works and a veggie (papa johns), and used a coupon. For some reason (not to familiar with it) it ended up still coming out to around 40-45 bucks, which to me seems reasonable cuz it was a lot of food but idk. At first it was just her asking me about the price and all that while the guy was just kinda wandering around the house. After a while he saw me still at the door and just wondered what I was still doing there. He seemed kind of cool but now that I think of it he probably just wanted me gone. As soon as I told him that she was upset about the price he said stuff to her like "honey come on hes got a job to do he can't wait here all day what's the matter" and "whatever ill just pay for it well figure it out later"...
The girl called the store and asked for my manager and all that.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:53:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You played it off perfectly.
KittenyCuddles ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:43:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I delivered pizza once where the guy's little kid was so excited he was running around my feet while the dad paid. As I turned to leave I tripped and fell off the porch without hitting any of the 4 steps and landed in a kneeling "prayer" position. He asked if I was alright and I was still processing what happened and just said yeah, I'm fine.
Nice_try_Dudley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:31:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha, that was hilarious
WinterlsCumming ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:32:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost died reading this
pv10 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 00:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is your name Rachel?
caret-top ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:40:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've just realised how kissing Mr Zelner was only the tip of the iceberg.
She hired an assistant she fancied rather than the one who was qualified, then started a relationship with him and almost got caught
Joey came and shouted at him because she told him her boss wanted to buy her baby
She'd only just returned from maternity leave when she kissed another co-worker then called in sick to avoid seeing him
Ross made him keep hiring her back when she was offered a job elsewhere
He should have gone with his gut and not hired her.
Edit: qualified not quantified
Dirus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:00:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many were there?
To be fair, she was supposedly a good worker. Definitely a weirdo though if I was the boss.
caret-top ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, I've corrected it.
She must have been a good worker for Zelner to keep hiring her back!
Benedikto_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rachel was a bitch
monopticon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:39:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gah. Only in season 6....did not expect Friends spoilers in an askreddit thread. Really shouldn't be surprised.
caret-top ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:02:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get off Reddit and go watch Friends! That's general advice for life really.
KittenyCuddles ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 00:09:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, but I feel better not being the only one.
pv10 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:33:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol it was a reference to the show Friends
Throwaway5325461 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank god someone said it
orionTH ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:35:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God please stop. Bringing back memories of when I did this, but it was after I got fired lol
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:20:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw no. I want to leave the room I'm in currently just to escape this second-hand awkwardness
Chidori001 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:53:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We germans the efficient people we are have a word for second hand awkwardness. It is called "fremdschรคmen".
thekerub ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:18:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first job interview was really really bad, and afterwards the interviewer was like "Alright, thanks for the interesting interview!" and since I was too nervous to think I replied "You're welcome". I all the way out of the building I was wondering why he stared at me like I was the biggest idiot and it finally started to dawn on me once I had left.
jordasaur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:46:17 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, what were you supposed to say to that?
alitairi ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:56:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this once with the FIL back in the early dating stage. Maximum awkwardness.
a_unique_username88 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:30:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It took me forever to stop and read this because of laughing. My tummy hurts now thank you. ๐คฃ
alex3494 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:46:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this while supervising a written exam ... almost laughed out loud in a silent room with 30 students ... I had to squeeze my cheeks awkwardly together not to laugh out in the room. Just imagine the shame.
Snow_Wonder ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:02:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username name checks out.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:51:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed out loud, I'm sorry! But this is so CUTE! I mean, it is awkward and I would've been mortified too, but I laughed because the cuteness is real.
dianneu28 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:09:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol the opposite happened to me. I tried to step out of the house when I thought my mom's friend's son was extending his arm to open the door for me. Turned out he was reaching out for a hug.
"Oh well, she doesn't want a hug."
sunshine98765 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:20:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Rachel!
Fiishbait ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:24:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assistant Manager at charity shop I help at often has her friends nipping in to say hi. They always hug upon arriving & upon leaving.
One day I guess she wasn't paying attention, because area manager was about to leave when AM went & hugged her.
She's been having flashbacks of that day ever since lol.
kakka_rot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:17:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, had the exact same thing happen to me.
bindzzz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:41:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I did this to my math teacher. He was a semi good looking, flirty guy. I still cringe.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:33:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a similar scene in Spiderman Homecoming between Tony Stark and Peter Parker! It was hilarious.
nedjeffery ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:55:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is so delightful. I love it!
jrm2007 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:14:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, I'm going to do that! I've never done it, lots of times I know I'm not going to get the job anyway...
Ravincy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:51:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wrap it up, that's enough internet for today.
Racxie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:56:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got to ask, did you get the job?
jillieboobean ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:03:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... Did she hug you back?
KittenyCuddles ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:46:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very reluctantly, like she was questioning my mental faculties.
jillieboobean ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:50:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! As someone who lives in & has grown up in the South, that doesn't seem so weird to me... Everyone hugs everyone down here! However, I can see how it could be a bit mortifying! Just think of it as a character building experience, lol. Bet you'll never do that again! ๐
enough_shenanigans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:06:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Good interview bro, good interview".
SmithIsLit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:10:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you didnโt pull a Rachel & sneak a cheeky kiss
happydayswasgreat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In pretty sure Rachel did this in friends.
Doctorlolipop1224 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But, did you get the job??
WitNicky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:34:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao I'm dying laughing
evildino666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:28:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just fucking died from secondary cringe and awkwardness.
finallyAreddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:46:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Did you get the job?
usaprc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did you get the job???????
Pizzalover1011 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:32:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well did you get the job?
FillerInfo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:20:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Name checks out
Criticalmak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:20:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever you remember this moment and cringe, also remember that it made thousands of people laugh.
tradingten ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glorious
Queen_of_Nuggets ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:52:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this!
but with the reverend from my church!
kelluk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It got me thinking about Friends and when Rachel KISSED the interviewer and later accused him of sexual harassment. So your case wasn't the worst... But hey, that's life & Friends is a series.
zpuma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:22:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost always do one arm awk hugs. I have other things I'd rather be doing so I don't want to give the impression this'll last long. But. Really close friends I'll do the over the top swinging/lift up bear hug.
maegan0apple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:46:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with one of my clinical instructors in school. He ended up hiring me later lol
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:49:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get the job?
swoodsmith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The exact same thing happened to me! I cringe when I think about it.. I'll probably remember that moment for the rest of my life too. I got the job though! I hope you were just as lucky.
cyndasaur2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the type of shit I'd be proud of
poopsiedunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:22:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so sorry
Blimey15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:33:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is like when Chandler interviewed for that job in advertising. :D
indigoreality ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rachel?
teeniemeanie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:48:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this recently with my dentist. I just thought she was super friendly..
velon360 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once interviewed for a job that began with a group interview. When I went to pull out my chair to sit down a girl said thank you an sat down in the chair I pulled out the way someone would on a date. I was so shocked that I just rolled with it and walked to a different after I helped her slide her chair in. I still have no idea how a complete stranger though I was pulling a chair out for her.
Milo_Minderbinding ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:58:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm uncomfortable just reading this.
tammybex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First giggle of the morning. :) Thanks.
Syyrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What did you do... the world won't be the same...
Every3Years ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy. Fuck. This admission of yours is courageous as fuck. Oh my God.
nofaceD3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then he gave you spiderman suit.
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rachel?
DWillows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a hugger with a poor sense of boundries, I might do the same.
You know, it's a wonder I've never been reported to HR. I guess most people know I'm harmless.
waschlack_05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
AttemptedSleepover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:31 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get the job? I just laughed so hard thanks dude
SleepingRuby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:08 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so hilarious to me because Iโve had VERY similar situations happen. Yes, plural. But when I read this to my husband, he said he has too! Youโre not alone. So all the people out there who like to make people feel awkward about unwanted hugsโgive us a damn break! We just thought you were going for one, so we obliged. This is actually all your fault! Lol
angelalee9293 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:23 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get the job? Lol
Itsapocalypse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is Nathan Fielder level awkward.
chidelDali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:56:09 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one will haunt you to your grave.
FuckTheNSA_ILikeNASA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:56 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get the job?
LordSaltious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:39 on October 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get the job, though?
howivewaited ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:36 on November 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Least you didnt kiss her like rachel did haha
FrenchFriday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:37 on November 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get the job?
kuri_sanTou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming you're female this is the cutest thing I've read in a while
inklurker ยท 627 points ยท Posted at 22:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a sleepover at a friends house when I was around 12. Both him and his parents fell asleep pretty early, without getting me a sleeping bag or blankets. So instead of waking them up and asking where I could get one, I curled up into a ball and slept in a pillowcase.
InkyGrrrl ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 02:22:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just fetal positioned into my hoodie, but this vine has another idea: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXanHmRlwM4
dawnamarieo ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:48:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this so many times as a child that when we have guests, or the kids have friends over, they get too many blankets and half of my pillows.
astone4120 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:08:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey buddy, you shouldn't feel embarrassed, they should! That's awful, bless your heart!
mFliaaM3 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:15:01 on October 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so adorable
littlebear406 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:25:47 on February 22, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Who hasn't at least once? Lol
[deleted] ยท 14011 points ยท Posted at 18:47:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I had a huge crush on a girl who worked at the drive thru of my bank. I would go to a different branch, withdraw some cash and then deposit it at her branch's drive thru in hopes she was working. It wasn't until much later that I realized she could more than likely see I had made a withdrawal for the exact amount I was depositing just minutes before.
Twenty3isNumberOne ยท 5877 points ยท Posted at 20:21:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh bro.
sharkattackmiami ยท 3100 points ยท Posted at 01:18:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its all good, she probably thought he was an money launderer for the mob or something. Girls love dangerous guys
neinteeneightynein ยท 167 points ยท Posted at 02:41:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's not how you launder money bro
sethboy66 ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 03:03:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It can be one step to getting rid of old, trackable bills. You keep the same amount of hard cash, but switch your withdrawl with your stash and deposit that in small amounts.
557252722858174758 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 06:37:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy washes
alginon1090 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:08:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is if you're fast enough
skieezy ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:01:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy who got a "job" on craigslist, every week he would receive a check in the mail for $2200, and every week he would write out a check for $2000 dollars and mail it to an address that someone emailed him that morning.
sharkattackmiami ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:08:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do it. Plausible deniability is a thing. That being said $200 a week isnt a very good job, especially when you factor in potential blowback.
skieezy ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 03:35:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But its $200 dollars a week that you literally spend no more than 15 min on.
sharkattackmiami ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 04:36:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes but you have to factor in the cost of doing something that had the potential to get you in trouble.
Like if I give you $30 an hour to play video games that's awesome.
If I give you $30 an hour to sneak people over the border then that's a pretty bad per hour wage.
So basically you are getting $200 a week in exchange for being an accomplice to who knows what.
cantgetenoughsushi ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:09:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that's the thing, you don't know what. It's like you're an accomplice to something that's technically legal. All you do is write a check and mail it. It's not like you have an obligation to investigate where the suspicious money is coming from..
psm321 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:07:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Willful blindness
cantgetenoughsushi ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:58:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So then what if you ask them where the money is coming from then they lie to you?
psm321 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:25:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not a lawyer but I believe prosecution could argue that you should have known something was fishy... Up to the jury whether they agree
UsablePizza ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's an hourly rate of like $1000/hr
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:26:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ohseven1098 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:53:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on.
RocketCow ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:05:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't get more exact than that.
leereezy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:47:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$800.00
SneakT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:02:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
800.00 USD, all banknotes were made in 2015 by Federal Reserve.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:31:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't do this, if offered. It's a common scam.
The check will bounce a few weeks later and you will be overdrawn.
OfficialDiscoveryAMA ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:48:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus he had money and a car, so...
Ucantalas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:39:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โThis Guy is the dumbest money-launderer Iโve ever met.โ
His_Dudeness_94 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not even remotely how money laundering works
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:26:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do indeed...:)
strengthof10interns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who launder $60 at a time.
sharkattackmiami ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:09:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A patient mobster
poBBpC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like your username.
Twenty3isNumberOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!
Twenty3isNumberOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!
Stoenk ยท 2849 points ยท Posted at 23:42:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the kind of thing that girls in movies would find cute but would probably find weird and off-putting in reality
OriginalDogan ยท 163 points ยท Posted at 01:49:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally half of rom com plots. Real life stalker? In the movie they actually really love you and just need to follow you and make enough outlandish displays of affection that you give them a chance and have the time of your life.
[deleted] ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:01:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I see one more movie where the man runs through an airport to stop her from leaving, Iโm going to be upset.
OriginalDogan ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 03:43:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?! SECURITY! SECURITY!
frankyb89 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:45:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd work out much like it did in Not Another Teenage Movie.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:11:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly why is this so popularized in romcoms? I feel like vox or vice could do a bomb ass video examining this trend.
famalamo ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 02:21:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because girls like to be wooed, and the more effort a guy puts in to woo them, the more they like that guy.
Obviously this isn't the case, and would only work if the guy was like super fuckin attractive (like SUPER fuckin attractive), and that's rarely the case. Essentially, it's every girl's dream to be chased after by the handsomest guy in the world, just like it's every guy's dream to fuck all the girls he consider's hot, then one day he finds a girl who is super special and he marries her (see every guy focused rom com, like 50 first dates or Arthur).
And honestly, it's not entirely ridiculous. A lot of people would find that situation incredibly romantic if they were the most attractive people in the world. Ever notice how ugly people never have super interesting love stories? Because they met and decided "I guess". But the hot people have a story because they were worth making a huge display over. Same goes for one hot person and one non hot person. But uggos just happened to work together when they were like 22.
[deleted] ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 02:33:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn son
famalamo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:46:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe a relevant username?
TerroristOgre ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:38:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy settles
beccaonice ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:41:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has more to do with mutual attraction and her romantic interest in him than just sheer objective attractiveness.
IHateEzreal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:21:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cracked After Hours has definitely done this one.
Wargen-Elite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:41:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Good Original Group? Or that weird new group no one enjoys as much?
IHateEzreal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:15:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't even know there was a new one, that's kinda sad that they're gone now.
Wargen-Elite ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:50:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, they're still there. But we got catfished.
Cracked was all "IS EVERYONE READY FOR 2 EPISODES OF AFTER HOURS A MONTH?"
We all went "FUCK YES"
Cracked then said "Enjoy the extra episodes with this new group that has no chemistry and the writing just isn't as good as the other group because we don't want to overtax our best writers and probably we shouldn't have made a 2 episode a month thing at all. Have fun!"
It hurts.
frankyb89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:54:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus... I usually binge watch a few videos every few months so I hadn't seen the new group yet but they're really pretty bad. Didn't even make it partway through the "Disney Prince" video. It all just felt so forced and weird. Maybe this cast would be better suited to a different format/show?
Wargen-Elite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah.. it's pretty fucked up.
It feels like like crazy meta conversation between friends and more like a bad game theory video if you know what I mean?
They'd definitely do better on a different type of show. Maybe a react or try series like Facts. And Buzzfeed have.
OnAGoat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:06:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because in the movie the guy is looking like a model
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:40:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omae wa mou shindeiru!
GiantFoamCowboyHat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:19 on November 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vox and Vice couldn't do a bomb-ass job of getting wet if they fell off a boat.
Bourbone ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:19:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless OP abides by rules 1 and 2
jansencheng ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:30:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, she'd probably find it cute if she was interested too.
If
walkingmonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:06:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I desire a gif of Cinderellaโs step mother saying โIf.โ
mrme3seeks ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:48:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is literally entirely dependent on if they find you attractive or not
neuroticandobscene ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:09:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why I decided to live in a movie.
Inspirationaly ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:09:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on how ugly or attractive he is. Didn't you see the ~ what's acceptable if your attractive or creepy if not ~ post the other day?
TomasNavarro ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:56:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a video a couple of years ago which had a bit where this guy said something like "One minute these women will be complaining that a guy trying to buy them a drink is creepy, the next a hot guy can walk up to them and just kiss them, and that's fine".
kitcatxyz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh where is that. Link?
Inspirationaly ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:31:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6isl6x/what_is_socially_accepted_when_you_are_beautiful/
Edit: I'm not particularly unattractive, but damn... I still hated revisiting that. People are shallow.
happydayswasgreat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:27:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the girl
hubife13 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:04:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends if you're following rules 1 and 2
siksniper1996 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:56:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
rule 1: be attractive rule 2: don't be unattractive
CyberClawX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:44:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is only 1 constant to make the difference. Do you look attractive? Then it's cute. You do not? Then it's weird and off-putting.
baker2795 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends if sheโs out of your league or if youโre out of hers.
sexypanda657 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
runs to make askreddit thread
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure it was.
at_home ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends entirely on if the guy is attractive
rogrbelmont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
According to who, though?
detarrednu ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:08:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It depends, how attractive are you?
KEEPCARLM ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends if they like the guy doing it or not though.
Ugly guy does it - ew.
Attractive guy does it - mm wanna suck him off.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:07:47 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
just not true lol
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:27:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RUN BITCH..... RUUUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:07:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They think everything is weird and off-putting
davidlpool1982 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 00:25:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're definitely on an Anti Money Laundering list somewhere
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:43:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL Yeah, $200 at a time!
OldManChino ยท 246 points ยท Posted at 22:32:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: drive through banks exist.
American by any chance?
[deleted] ยท 227 points ยท Posted at 23:06:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
o0i81u8120o ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:24:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most have 5 or 6 lanes and 1 or two atm lanes and a Dropbox for businesses.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 01:46:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, I'm Canadian and thought drive thru banks were normal, but not multiple lanes. Maybe I just need to look in a bigger city. There's a drive thru bank like 200 m from my bedroom, but just a single lane.
Lizzymbr92 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:54:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have Drive thru ATMS but I have never seen a Drive Thru Teller in Canada.
cantlogin123456 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:06:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never seen a drive through teller. It's usually an ATM and additionally an intercom with a tube. You talk over the intercom and pass money, checks, etc via tube. No direct contact.
Lizzymbr92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I dont think we have that in Canada. I could be wrong though.
SovereignsUnknown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the RBC on university ave in Charlottetown has one just like that!
oddly specific, but if fucking PEI has it, it's probably in other places considering how slow the island is to adopt new things (glass bottles only until 2007 anyone?)
lasroth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:11:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see them all over Ontario
Lizzymbr92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ottawa is always behind on stuff. We didn't get a Victoria Secret, Sephora, or Forever 21 until a few years ago. Like way after it was popular.
lasroth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn lol. I do live in the GTA and we're basically america in canada nowadays so i wouldnt be surprised if y'all didn't have it
MrGameAmpersandWatch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I've seen ones in NS that are essentially ABMs on the side thr building.
Euchre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do whats?
NS = Nova Scotia, right? I would think a funny name for a banking machine would be a Newfy thing.
soothinglyderanged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ABM = Automated Banking Machine
It's just an alternate name for an ATM
MrGameAmpersandWatch ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:44:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one actually says it but the companies themselves. I think it's because ATM implies human tellers are obsolete.
o0i81u8120o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my city is small and we have like 10 of those
Thomaseeno ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:54:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crazy, unheard of vacuum technology!
Euchre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:07:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whole cities used to have systems like it, for rapid communication.
sunnyjum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have drive through alcohol stores (aka bottle shops, aka bottle-o) but no drive through ATMs. Australian FYI.
John_Dee_007 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:16:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because ATMs are becoming obsolete in Australia, because less and less people are using actual hard currency. Literally everything besides illegal drugs and prostitution can be paid for with PayWave or PayPass. No need to enter a pin, just wave your card over a screen for one second and it's done. And when people want actual money they just withdraw it from the auto scanners at supermarkets like Coles etc. Even my local Commbank closed down and reopened with just a walk-in room full of various ATMs for specific purposes that replace humans and only one person working to assist people.
I never have actual money on me. I don't even use a wallet anymore. Just a card holder. Even the guy that delivers my pizza carries a portable PayWave scanner because sometimes people, for whatever reason, don't use PayPal etc when they place their order on their phone apps. America is really behind the times in this aspect.
pizzaforthewin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man plus they give kids suckers. Atleast in my area its the best
ImTheCapm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! This one place gave us butterscotch every time my dad went through it and I convinced him to go to the other bank all the way across town so I wouldn't have to do that anymore.
mikewilzn ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 01:04:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Pennsylvania and, until today, had no idea drive through banks were not common in other places. There are problably at least 10 within a 10 minute drive of me
bryondouglas ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:14:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to go into a bank the other day, I literally took pictures of how many people were actually in it! Why the fuck are 15 people all in the bank on a Satursay morning? Weird
mikewilzn ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:25:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not uncommon where I am (Lancaster). We have a lot of old fashioned people.
bryondouglas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, this is in a small town outside Cincinnati
RSSA ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:33:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always go into the bank. My car is RHD so I can't reach the drive thru tubes.
xannax2780 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go through the wrong direction. Or reverse through. Haha.
RSSA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True. I just don't want any unnecessary attention.
bryondouglas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're missing out on some sweet sweet /r/mildlyinteresting karma!
RSSA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I? It's the norm for a lot of countries so I didn't think it would be a big deal. I do get stopped a lot as no one has a clue what I'm driving.
nonegotiation ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PA here too.
Not only am I taken-aback this isn't common around the world I'm pretty shocked they might not be standard across America.
mikewilzn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:42:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm finding more and more that Pennsylvania, and especially Lancaster, is really weird.
nickisaboss ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:44:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its the best most mediocre state in the union!
Also the most overlooked!
the_dove_from_above ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They don't exist in the UK.
halfeclipsed ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 23:52:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man they're everywhere in the US. Even have drive through ATMs.
Edit: words and stuff because I can't English it appears.
egg_salad_sandwich ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 01:53:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So like a machine that dispenses ATMs?
DrDrankenstein ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:57:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's an automated teller machine, machine.
smokeythel3ear ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:03:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ATM....achine
hardman_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love those drive thru atm's
rebelrob73 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:05:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't speak for op but we have a few of them in LA
Luciditi89 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:05:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are in NY too
HappiestWhenAlone ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:36:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Louisiana?
mikewilzn ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 01:02:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just for future reference, when someone says "LA," 99% of the time they're referring to Los Angeles.
shusshbug ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:21:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact, LA the city has almost the same population as LA the state.
Singing_Sea_Shanties ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:24:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish they'd make up their minds and pick one place to live.
p34chyk33n ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:15:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who's blind, and for the longest time he thought "Los Angeles" and "LA" were two separate cities. like it was "Ellay". Thought that was interesting.
HappiestWhenAlone ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:05:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. My mind always jumps to Latin America but I figured it must really be somewhere in the US of A.
RodDamnit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:09:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cept round here 99% of the time its Louisiana. But we use La.
mikewilzn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:24:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you from Louisiana?
RodDamnit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in Louisiana.
mikewilzn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's probably why then lol
WackoWasko ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:29:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget about Lower Alabama
rebelrob73 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry should have specified, not a state los angeles
srcljerk ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:46:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL the rest of the world doesn't.
Chemis ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:19:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have one in a neighbouring city in Germany. So odd to withdraw from there, i didn't like it.
Mechadogzilla ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:02:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait where do you live where there are no drive through banks?
a_hirst ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:10:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There aren't any in the UK.
esthershair ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:15:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the exception of the massive old banks in the downtown area, very single bank in my city has a drive-thru.
candiicane ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canada (atleast I've never seen one). There's drivethru ATM's but nothing with tellers.
MrGameAmpersandWatch ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only just realised they could even be talking about ones with people.
ELL_YAYY ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:30:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait. You don't have those?
raddaraddo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: Drive through banks are only common in America.
Do you have drive through pharmacists?
Supamurb ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As far as I'm aware, no! (UK)
I'm absolutely shocked that drive through bank/ATMs and pharmacists exist haha I can't even picture it in my head!
siegewolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Picture all your foot traffic in a city. Now give them cars and much more space.
the_dove_from_above ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:37:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus is there anything you Americans don't have a drive thru for? I remember seeing a show about a drive thru funeral parlour which weirded me out big time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:04 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those are definitely not a thing. Maybe there's like one obscure location in some odd part of the US, but they are not even remotely common.
raddaraddo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: Drive through banks are only common in America.
Do you have drive through pharmacists?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:14 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...yes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep; most banks here have multiple drive-thru lanes as well as a "regular" walk in facilities.
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:25:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
u fuckin wot m8
m_jansen ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 23:03:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've taken out cash and deposited it back the same day when I changed my mind about a Craigslist purchase. It's unlikely that she would have even bothered to look at the time. Unless she had a crush on you also.
Aoredon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was a one time thing tho
firelord_fred ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:15:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would've looked like a drug dealer constantly depositing money
GoopPie ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 00:12:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh nooo baby what is you doin.. ๐
Enzown ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:45:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have just told her the cash wasn't the only deposit you wanted to place with her (or on second thoughts maybe not).
Edwardk85 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:33:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve told this story before. An old coworker of mine once had a crush on a teller at his bank. He used to make unnecessary trips to the bank to see her. One day he gets up the nerve to ask her out but he decides to give her a piece of paper with a short note and his phone number. She had this look of horror on her face as he handed it to her. He walked away, thinking she was disgusted by him. It wasnโt until hours later that he realized she probably thought she was being robbed.
AEGONS_ASS ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:35:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol wut.
oshkoshthejosh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:27:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yeah she definitely knew, I work at bank and I love watching for shit like this.
LBJCA ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:50:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad asked my mom who was a bank teller out on the first date by slipping her a note at the bank till. I think nowadays this probably gets the cops called but could've saved yourself some time using this strategy :)
TheMightyGoatMan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:13:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost exactly the same plan turns up in an episode of The Drew Carey Show.
Every week Lewis withdraws $10,000 when the ugly teller is working. He comes back the next day and re-deposits it when the cute teller is working. In a few years time she'll think he's a millionaire and then he'll ask her out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant! Turns out I was ahead of my time.
The4thSniper ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:16:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is kinda sweet since you were going out of your way and making an excuse to see her. I used to do similar stuff to this in the past with girls I had crushes on too.
fat_dennings ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:06:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They all thought you were weird
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:42:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's probably not true. I bet most of them didn't even notice him masturbating outside their window at night.
Ya-Dikobraz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:51:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Banks have drive-thrus?
fl0w_io ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:08:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold on, thereโs banks with drive-thru in US?
Prophet2Nations ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my favorites so far
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked as a teller for a few years.
She probably didn't notice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That turned out to be quite true.
yourmumscooking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Da faq- Since when do banks have drive thru'. Or is this another time Australia hasn't caught up yet?
TiberiusAugustus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This definitely isn't something we need to "catch up on". Aside from it being a stupid idea you can do pretty much all consumer banking on your phone or PC.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry - and this was in the early 1980's!
Tranner10 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait what? They were drive thru tellers? This blows my mind
Immune56 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hooooold on a second. Talk to me about these drive thru banks...
hogger85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would she look up your previous transaction just because you were depositing, (unless she was interested in you). Wouldn't she just take your account number jump to deposit section on system, count your money and enter the value..beepboop.. have a nice day next customer please. 2 seconds later she won't even remember how much you put in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just assumed that when she entered my account number it showed the last few transactions. But you're prolly right.
Get-Schlonged ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:01:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and then she sent her panties back through the money carrier
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No; I'm fairly certain she just thought I was an idiot.
sendmeyourjokes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:28:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel any better (bank worker here), the main screen for deposit/withdraw doesnt have history/reporting on it. That's a separate screen.
So unless she ran a report on your account, or checked your history, she was probably non the wiser.
DoctorQuinlan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:28 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have just withdrawn $69. Would have been more blunt.
SCBeauty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:58:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is super cute, though.
ElCarabo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have gone to the carwash instead, John !
Mirai182 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do something similar. But it's hard to flirt with a bank teller when she knows you're broke.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely nothing. I didn't have the nards to ask her out so I eventually gave up.
MrGoatOnABoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this minus the weird part, I go at the same time on the same day every week to deposit my cash tips because the teller and I talk a bit and it's slow around that time, she's cute. And I wouldn't really worry about that, if you're just depositing cash they don't really look at anything from your account.
maria-was-here ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did she say anything?!?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Regrettably nothing above the normal pleasantries she was no doubt required to say.
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I have done stuff like that; I know for sure when I went to deposit my paycheck each week or two I crossed my fingers I would get one particular female teller. I have also gone to the same restaurant many nights in a row. because of a waitress or hostess. I don't know if you are in good company, but you definitely have a lot of company.
waferpepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so u changed ur mind totally..
combatjohnny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... drive thru bank?
pcjtfldd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Englishman here: Drive thru bank?! Wow!
TomSankey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... a bank drive thru! Like a money bank? That's so cool
a_unique_usernane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:56:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe she thought you were a hardened criminal laundering some cold hard cash. And that's why she never asked you out.
Humblepoptart ยท 14356 points ยท Posted at 18:02:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rode my bike to college one time and had no bike lock. So I tied it up with an extra show string I had hoping any passerby would see it was "locked" without investigating too closely. As I'm leaving class I see a couple students standing by my bike taking pictures of my lock job and laughing. I sat like 50 yards away in shame waiting for them to leave before I retrieved my bike and left.
redbookbluebook ยท 7999 points ยท Posted at 19:33:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't help but notice how they didn't steal it! Success was yours
oxygenfrank ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 03:43:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't embarrassing, it's a successful social experiment.
Wubalubaduubdub ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 03:34:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, a group of guys standing around all looking at your bike (and laughing) would certainly deter any would-be thieves.
FuckingSeaWarrior ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 01:14:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it looks stupid but it works, it's not that stupid
Fiishbait ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:27:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was double knotted, nothing they could do.
DANNYonPC ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:49:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not everyone is an asshole
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:55:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Duhh... It was locked.
Humblepoptart ยท 1127 points ยท Posted at 19:47:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They didn't! My plan worked perfectly.
Julian_rc ยท 290 points ยท Posted at 00:07:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Some idiot tied his bike up with shoestring, I want to go steal it but all these people are standing around it taking pictures!"
zhaji ยท 203 points ยท Posted at 01:02:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh shoestring! I was wondering what a show string was
MansAssMan ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 01:09:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the thing that strippers wear.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:10:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aren't those just called thongs? Uh, g-strings?
SamJakes ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 01:21:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It ain't nothing but a g strang
TigrisVenator ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:37:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Baaaabay
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, because it's a g-string made specifically for show.
tammybex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:03:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I googled...."show string". I thought maybe magic. Hahaha
iamcharity ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:22:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here.
reubano ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or would be thief could just pretend it was his bike all along.
SlyFluctoseSlornBurp ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 23:28:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Ah, fuck. This kid's special. I can't steal from him".
TigrisVenator ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 01:37:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work with special needs adults.... I just bursted out laughing. Fuckers steal shit all the time.
SlyFluctoseSlornBurp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:38:25 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the perfect defense!
c1swagsauze ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:19:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Humble poptarts never brag about their successes. I get it.
V9868 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 00:18:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't you go up to your bike and be like who tf touched my shit and rip it off. ๐
RabidSeason ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:30:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the perfect time to own that shit! "Bike's still here; you guys taking photos of my self-made lock?"
Silver_Yuki ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:13:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time you don't have a lock put an orange "flag" or chalk ring on it. People see it but avoid it thinking there must be a reason.
You can leave a wallet full of cash on a busy street and people won't touch it because of this. It is fascinating to watch.
Humblepoptart ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:36:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alas I had no chalk or flag. Just a shoestring and some books
Quickloot ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:47:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where the hell do you live? That wallet around here would disappear faster than a running cheetah
Silver_Yuki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:47 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this with my stuff at school because my locker got kicked in by douchebags. After I put orange flags on everything people treated it like a crime scene and left it alone.
I copied the idea from Darren Brown who did the idea with a wallet on a London street outside of an underground station entrance (or somewhere equally as busy).
People looked at the wallet full of cash but the ring around it made people leave it alone.
CFogan ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:46:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's more, is that people were taking pictures of it while you were gone, creating evidence even if it was stolen!
cutelyaware ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:21:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you did better than this nimrod who had a fine lock but didn't deserve to keep his bike.
Quickloot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:49:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what am I looking at? You can remove it from the bike stand but I seriously doubt you can ride it like that.
cutelyaware ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:50:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone could just toss it in their car.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at the rope. You can pull it up, and there is nothing holding it down.
happydayswasgreat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:29:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless... They hid round the corner, and took a picture of you. And you've been that start of a new sub.
Farado ยท 970 points ยท Posted at 19:37:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is a show string? Or did you mean shoestring?
Humblepoptart ยท 1224 points ยท Posted at 19:44:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Face palm. Definitely shoe string
BreezyWrigley ยท 155 points ยท Posted at 21:19:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that college education paying for itself already!
Humblepoptart ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 21:27:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably why I dropped out lol เฒ _เฒ
BreezyWrigley ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 21:28:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:C
koayenay ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nike?
BetYouCantPMNudes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:08:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell is Nike?
penny2cents ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was offering her shoes for her troubles.
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 21:49:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, my redneck came out big time because i thought you tied it up with a string halter for a lamb....which everyone locally calls a show string.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:44:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking it was those super strong strings magicians use to fly around. Y'know... show strings.
aguapanela ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:54:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP invents time machine, goes back to bike-locking moment, and secures bike instead with a showstring, all to avoid making this typo
CalcBros ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:24:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To fit with the thread, you should have awkwardly thought of a definition for a show string instead of doing the normal thing and say you made a typo.
The_Immoral_God ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:01:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I googled show string and watched women in lingerie on the bus.
allthewayfucked ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:57:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are using your time more wisely than the rest of us my friend.
ddongkkopokbal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:04:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was also pretty showy.
TaxExempt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:44:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoe laces...
beaverscleaver ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is absolutely hilarious, and I would definitely be laughing with you not at you if I saw it in person.
DonkeyKong780 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:52:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You didn't edit your original post to correct the error.
All I can imagine is a bunch of redditors pointing and laughing at your spelling, as you nervously wait to correct it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who goes around with an extra shoestring tho
WhitePowerRangerBill ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:51:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's easier than carrying a lock around.
Jilberto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now it's too embarrassing to change it
armutuzmani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you made me search some NSFW things in work place.
adrianorsz ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:27:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes Iโm too awkward to think that someone made a mistake, so I just believe they have this magical thing called a show string that Iโve never heard of
MorePancakes ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:25:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you mother fuckers talking about a shoelace?
trulymadlybigly ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:46:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
definitely spent a few minutes googling "show strings" before i realized what OP meant. d'oh.
iEpidemics ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:19:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asking the real questions thanks man... I was about to go "Hey Google, what's a show string?"
Sierrajeff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:11:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, but in this case it was merely for show, not a shoe.
BlakeDeadly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a jazzy little string in a fetching tuxedo - top hat ensemble
akgoel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A string thick enough that you can show to other people without them thinking that you're a schezophrenic.
IShotTheSheriffAMA ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 22:20:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I find it hard to believe you didn't already know the answer to that question.
MK_Ultrex ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 22:07:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should post your story at /r/bicyling. Often there are posts about shitty lockjobs but never the story of the culprit. If it makes you feel better your idea is apparently quite common.
JackedPirate ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:56:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if you know this but that sub has one post
Cassiterite ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 23:04:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/bicycling, they misspelled
MK_Ultrex ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The amazing thing is that even the misspelled one exists.
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 21:46:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have walked over like a boss and told them it was a psychology experiment.
Cassiterite ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 23:05:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just untangle the shoestring and ride away without saying anything
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 23:06:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But this is about flipping the embarrassment so the kids are now questioning themselves instead of you
Cassiterite ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:09:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was going for, leaving them confused as to what they just witnessed
edit: okay, do something weird like offering them the shoestring. that should do the trick sorry it's late
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:50:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! Say something along the lines of glad to see my prototype unbreakable shoestring lock worked! You can have this one. I should probably find a more catchy name, right?
[Rides into the sunset]
onlykindagreen ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 06:01:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in middle school I still had my "little kid" bike lock, which was bright pink and purple and had little stars and rocket ships and other symbols instead of numbers on the lock. I was an insecure little girl, and was embarrassed by it but assumed nobody would notice if I parked behind the school. NOPE. Come out at the end of the day and two younger boys were pulling at it trying to undo it and laughing. I had a fit of embarrassment rage and just clocked one on them open-palmed in the side of the head. He (understandably) freaked out while the other one started screaming "I'm gonna tell my mom!" So I yelled "fuck you, go tell your mom and I'll tell her you were trying to steal my bike!" They kinda sulked off and I unlocked my bike and rode away and cried a little on the ride home from all the adrenaline.
tl;dr if you can't embarrass them, physically assault them and threaten to tell their mother.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that once when two boys (probably 12-13 years old) where standing by my motorcycle and loudly complaining how sad it is that somebody would let their motorcycle get so dirty. They seemed really embarrassed.
lagoon83 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:10:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cut it off with a pair of bolt cutters and run away with the bike.
Cassiterite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha yes
meltyman79 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:52:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Big dumb smile and say "Looks like it worked!"
TheBreadSmellsFine ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:11:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh to really drive it home, he should've started taking pictures of THEM!
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is best. Laugh, grab bike, toss string, ride into the sunset
TimesAreTough ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:49:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk up crying, start untying the string and half way through yell "YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D NEVER DO THIS AGAIN" and then pedal off, crying harder.
Dyn4mik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:28:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lolmfao im laughing so hard at this ...his was exactly my 1 thought too, we did this stuff a lot in school (not lacing someones bike) but going full shakespeer in the right moments was always gold ... bonus: pedal 5 yards than stumble and fall 1 time for maximum cringe...
[deleted] ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 20:14:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if i saw this i would have busted up laughing not because i thought you were dumb but because i thought you were some super cool hipster dude
zbeezle ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 21:06:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Locks are too mainstream for me.
Humblepoptart ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:28:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would have been well deserved haha
Rogue12Patriot ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:45:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dude, that just reminded me....Not an answer to OPs question, but kinda related....
In junior high I rode my bike to school and locked it up everyday like I was supposed to. One day at the end of the day I notice I don't have my bike lock key. Start freaking out and shit it's 45 minutes walk home and I dont have a spare there either way. I go out to the bike cages in hopes of a miracle. And what do you know but the key and big blue keychain was on the floor right next to the bike. My faith in humanity rose Quite greatly that day
saccharo ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:16:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have walked over and untied it while doing your best to cover the knot, saying "dude, no peeking"
speedofsoul ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:53:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaha... I did something similar at work. I forgot my bike lock but had my gym locker padlock. So here's this $1500 bike locked to like the derailleur with a tiny padlock. Someone prob had a good laugh at that as well!
reset00323 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh they probably would've thought you were awesome and funny.
storyofmylife92 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:04:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But the question is why you had an extra shoelace on your person in the first place.
blurio ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:17:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I googled that to find out what it is and got a whole lot of asses in g-strings. Thank you op.
Dyn4mik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg same and im at work XD
Rise_ToThe_Occasion ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:31:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me so sad and I don't know why, but fuck them, you improvised the fuck out of that lock job and that's awesome.
Humblepoptart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's very sweet of you lol. It was years ago and it's funny to me now. I for sure felt some shame.
Rise_ToThe_Occasion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's good! I figured but still, people are awful. Haha.
Skier420 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:13:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's actually hilarious in the best way. i would have walked up to those people and asked them if they liked my bike lock. they definitely would have said yes and then you tell them it's the only lock you could afford because you spent all your money on beer (or weed, or whatever college thing). you could have made some friends in that moment. you gotta own that shit!
SpikeyTaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Many people leave bike locks at colleges and schools so when this happens I just wrap one around my bike so it looks locked, A simple tug would prove otherwise, but no one's ever tried.
teh_maxh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're screwed if someone decides to go ahead and lock it, though.
SpikeyTaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:08:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The locks are already locked to the bike rack, I just move it so it looks like it's attached. If it just so happens that the owner comes back for their lock, They're gonna need it themselves.
Craftastrophe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:13:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone once stole my lock and left my bike. My friend's reaction? "Well, it was kind of an ugly bike."
another_in_a_billion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:46:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar memory from school! But slightly more embarrassing. I usually had a small cleaning cloth with me which was kept under my cycles seat. My mother used to replace it periodically when it got too dirty. Indian mother here - once she thought it would be completely fine if she put in a piece of my old under-dress slip as the cloth. I was unaware. One day I was walking back to the cycle stand after school - I saw a bunch of guys (who were the 'cool guys' in school) pull out a cloth from under a cycle, clean their own cycle seats. But before putting it back, they realized that it was a girls slip and started laughing and joking about. I walked by - thinking ' How embarrassing for the girl' before I came to an abrupt stop - realized it was my cycle - and kept walking till I came to the end of the cycle stand. It was about 15 minutes till the boys were done laughing and finally left. I was waiting there at the end of the stand - looking around aimlessly (it was the time before cell phones - so I couldn't even pretend to be busy in my mobile). Finally made sure the coast was clear - and cycled back home!
Internexus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:33:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody fucks with a shoestring locked bike... Nobody.
brucebanna34 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:32:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tied mine to the bike rack with a chain and yeas I mean with a knot, for a couple of months after my lock was stolen(friend did it as a joke, but misplaced it, we where 12) anyway one day the bikes either side of mine where stolen, both where locked up ptoperly and worth about 1/4 of mine. My theory was they where interrupted or didn't recognise that my stinger balance was worth more than the commonplace huffys they took.
Zero_Drum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:33:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably could've walked up and went "Wtf? Why did someone tie my bike up with this?".
Guerilla_Tictacs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Best $20 I ever spent. Shit works."
FeatheredSun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:30:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised those pics didn't end up here on reddit.
darthrobot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:08:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then they posted it here for sweet succulent Karma
Garrett73 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have just walked up, untied it, and said "shhh don't tell anyone my lock password"
Jouglet ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:51:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What in the hell is a show string and why did you have an extra one?
Boofthatshitnigga ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, do you not wear 3 shows at once?
Sane333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? Can you shoe me where you put the third one?
imgurundercover ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one made me spit out my tea
tadpole64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mate did that, but instead of a shoestring it was the metal cord used to open curtains.
jd_ekans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tfw when you're too poor to get your bike stolen
dustywillson2003 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a university in my city where all the bike racks are located by the security office. There has been a lot of bike theft there in the past so they've really cracked down on bike security.
If they find your bike doesn't a good enough lock (by their standards) they will put their own U lock on it. Then you have to go ask them to unlock it for you when you want to leave, and you get a lecture while they do it.
meisterwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would have walked up and said ' thanks for not stealing my bike you idiots, it was just a shoe string.'
fuck-dat-shit-up ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is perfect. No one would dare to steal it while everyone is taking picture of it.
nypvtt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on them. It worked!
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would have been so easy to laugh off with them though, it's such a college situation.
gothamwarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:44:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/diWHY
theshoegazer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had just gotten a new car when I was in high school (a hand me down from my dad), and one of my first times driving it, I wasn't used to the headlight switch and forgot to turn them off when I went into a store. Of course everyone in the store points out the sucker who left their lights on, so instead of going out and turning them off, I went to 2 other stores and by the time I got back to the car, the battery was too drained to start it.
urbandandelion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing just the other day except I used my charging cable instead.
CeaserPleaser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one really made me laugh lol !
Salty_Sea07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:00 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's adorable, and it worked. You are a genius. Of sorts.
enogk07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:39 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lockofshame
elaerna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatโs a show string
onlykindagreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoe string, they typoed.
MadameRia ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 08:52:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My clumsy thumb accidentally downvoted! I hit upvote, hope that fixed things.
Space_Polan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clumsy Thumbsy
DetectiveJakePeralta ยท 7080 points ยท Posted at 20:00:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bought tweezers to groom my eyebrows (I'm a man). When my female friend saw them in the bag in my back seat, she asked whos they were and I was too embarrassed to say they were mine so I said "I don't know, somebody must've left them," and she took them for herself and I had to buy new ones.
Caramelthedog ยท 1837 points ยท Posted at 02:33:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who just takes a random pair of tweezers. Thatโs the awkward part.
(Nice username).
funkoelvis43 ยท 169 points ยท Posted at 02:59:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donโt you mean noice user name?
Mods_Are_Anjing ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 05:23:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smort
cdnshedevil ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:04:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, swurt
rrollie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:26 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NEIN NEIN ;)
goagro ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 13:52:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool
Demiboy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:18:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I say this all the time now but i cant replicate his speed!
DetectiveJakePeralta ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 14:40:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No they were brand new in the bag I had just bought them and hadnโt removed them from the car. She just saw a brand new pair of tweezers and took them. Never used
Dr_Adequate ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 12:56:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Girls do.
I swear, the big hidden secret about women is that they run on tweezers. I can be out anywhere with Mrs. Dr_A and she'll have tweezers on her. We could have just finished hiking up a brutal alpine climb, we'll be resting, out of breath at the top, and she'll say "You have a stray eyebrow hair, hold on a second..." and whip out a goddamn pair of tweezers.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:48:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mock, until the day you have a splinter that you can't remove by yourself...
arcosapphire ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:01:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just makes me think of Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
Dr_Adequate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shout out for Venture Brothers! Me and Mrs. Dr_A are both huge fans, and can barely wait for season seven.
DetectiveVaginaJones ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:22:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are dozens of Detectives out here.
Eleventhousand ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:37:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Using used tweezers owned by an unknown tweezing individual is disgusting.
dishie ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever been to a dentist, dude?
FloydTheGamer ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:48:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dentist doesn't sterilize his tools?
oxygenfrank ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 03:38:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are tweezers something to be embarrassed by?
detarrednu ยท 149 points ยท Posted at 04:07:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's something about the awkwardness literally costing you money out of pocket that makes this funny.
DetectiveJakePeralta ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 14:41:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think back on what I couldโve used that $5 for often
mentallyillaf ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 02:44:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean tweezers can also be used for manly stuff like removing splinters, but...
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 08:36:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You burn the skin until those fall out on their own.
getmepuutahereplz ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 01:18:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a straight female, I think it's attractive when guys groom their eyebrows. I mean don't go overboard, but just cleaning them up is nice!
Samothrace_ ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 03:39:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? It's better then having a unibrow. Taking care of yourself isn't something to be ashamed of.
awkwardbabyseal ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 04:22:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And yet having ungroomed eyebrows or unibrows is only considered unattractive because someone deemed it so, and then a bunch of other people agreed that was the new beauty standard. (People seem to hate body hair in general.)
I say this considering that my fiance has a slight unibrow - a handful of dark hairs that just bridge that gap between his eyebrows. (It's not a full straight line across his brow.) When we started dated, I found it super noticeable. I thought about suggesting he tweeze it, but I also thought about how he never asks me to change something about my appearance simply because he has a certain opinion about it. I never brought it up. I didn't want to make him feel self conscious about it. We've together for years, and I don't really even notice the unibrow anymore.
SolicitorExpliciter ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 05:52:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thing is, removing some of the clutter around the eyes makes the eyes seem bigger and more open. Since eye shape is a big component of first impressions, and eye contact is a big part of social interaction, tweezing can have a big effect on how people perceive and treat you. It's great that you saw past the first impressions with your man, but consider whether there may be advantages to him getting tweezed. (Right before your wedding. You'd hate to have his suddenly sexier, more honest and open mug out there in the wild before you get that boy locked down.)
awkwardbabyseal ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:48:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The points you made are all fair regarding first impressions and how a good face can make a difference with initial reactions.
I giggled at that last bit.
I'm not particularly worried about someone stealing him away. We've been together close to eight years now, are engaged, and will be getting married right around our ten year mark.
He cleans up more for formal occasions anyway - mostly because he says he needs to look at least half as good as me. (He'll use any excuse to throw in a compliment.)
His daily routine is ultra casual, and things like grooming he looks to me for input anyway. I've been cutting his hair for the past five years, and I end up trimming his nails for him because he gets super lazy with those. (I was getting tired of being accidentally scratched by point and jagged nails.) He'll just let them grow until they break. I still don't understand it.
SolicitorExpliciter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:15:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(That last bit was meant to make you giggle. Nobody should be getting married if they're seriously worried that a little salon time would lead their mate to run off! Congratulations you two. Have a blast, getting married is fun!)
awkwardbabyseal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Thank you!)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:45:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No! Bad! Get on outta here with your eyeholes!
[deleted] ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 04:42:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God forbid people, men or women, are just themselves.
The_real_sanderflop ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 04:44:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're more than the hair between our eyebrows. It doesn't matter if we remove it because it looks bad.
[deleted] ยท -71 points ยท Posted at 04:48:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesnโt look bad unless youโre not okay with what a human looks like. You keep plucking your shit and putting makeup on tho, cuz thatโs how youโre going to find true love.
The_real_sanderflop ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 04:51:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I make sure my eyebrows look good for the same reason I get a haircut and shave my face. Because it looks good for me when I look at my face. Our appearance is a form of expression. You probably don't have a unibrow or else you wouldn't be saying this shit.
smardalek ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 05:10:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THANK YOU. People take care of their appearance as a form of self expression, which boosts confidence of self.
FelonyFey ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:09:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. It's just like washing hair...sometimes I'll just feel gross and my hair won't be that noticeably greasy, but it bothers ME. i ask someone else about it and they say it looks fine but I'm not feeling it. It genuinely is for ME , not anyone else. Same with makeup and nails and clothing and well, generally everything.
Chow-Ning ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 05:04:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What he said wasn't shit; some people, believe it or not, are perfectly content with their own appearance.
The_real_sanderflop ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:13:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And do they do absolutely nothing to affect their appearance? They just don't care about their hair or anything else.
_peppermint ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:21:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looking like the Alaskan bush people before they know it
The_real_sanderflop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This'll be a risky google
_peppermint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha it's not bad, they just definitely don't conform to beauty standards of cutting hair, tweezing, wearing make up, etc.
Chow-Ning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I'm very content with my appearance. I'll do things like cutting my nails or getting a haircut if they/it grows too long to be impractical, but that's about it.
I'm not judging anyone who plucks their eyebrows or trims their nosehair or use wax. You do you.
smardalek ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:08:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See, that's the thing. The makeup isn't for anyone else. It's for me, because it gives me confidence and makes me feel good. If we're truly arguing that people shouldn't be shallow and judge others for their looks, well, that goes both ways. Let people do their thing. Yolo.
billyissoserious ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 07:57:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this argument comes up a lot - your โits for meโ part is bullshit
i dont completely disagree with you, just saying
like... why does it make you feel better?
why?
why to whatever your answer is
always comes back to other people find or found it attractive or you find it attractive in others, that simple
smardalek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:16:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still just for me. I'll let you in on a secret, I'm not a girl that applies makeup every day. It's a special occasion type thing. So I'm perfectly comfortable with how I look, but sometimes I want to push it over the top. Being concerned with looking good is my own damn perogative. It's like when old white men tell me I'd be prettier if I smiled - no one wants your opinions old white man, I'm not smiling for anyone but myself if I don't want to.
Same goes for makeup. And some of us want to do makeup more often than others. You're not stating facts here, just a widely held, primarily male, OPINION - one that thinks, selfishly, that if women wear makeup, it must be to trap men !!! Into dating unattractive girls !!!! Oh no!!!!
It still boils down to letting people do whatever the hell they want to with their own appearance and not attaching your own conceptions onto it. If a girl tells you her makeup ain't for anyone but herself, you gotta take it that way. I'm not saying people don't do it for the collateral effect, but if I look good to myself, I'm happy. If I look good to others in the process, that's merely a bonus.
billyissoserious ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:53:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whats for you? oh.. making yourself more attractive - why?
smardalek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because when I like what I see in the mirror, I am gratified.
I have detailed this point in both of my previous replies.
billyissoserious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:30 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why do you like what you see more
getmepuutahereplz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:54:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not op. It's my hobby. I love researching makeup, watching tutorials, browsing for makeup, buying makeup, playing/practicing with makeup even at night when I'm going to wash it all of anyway. Why does anyone like the things they do?
getmepuutahereplz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:04:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a uni-brow. No one is stopping you. Do you get haircuts or shave your face (if you are a guy)? Use any hair products? Use cologne/perfume? Ever used acne wash or medication? Give any shits about the clothes you wear in your personal time (exclude work I suppose for professionalism) or wear whatever is cheapest and most efficient? I mean, why bother trying right?
None of these things are requirements. But sometimes they are nice.
themaskyrobot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:34:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my female friends likes to clean up my eyebrows. At first I was not a big fan of it, but I gotta admit it looks great if done correctly.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:42:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You pleased her with a tweezer?
jhmacair ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:08:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Won't you step into the freezer?
Noxzaru ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:28:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then he can tease her with the tweezers when ever he sees her.
Noxzaru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:35:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta seize her like Caesar whenever he sees her, and tease her til she ...seizures?
CheerfulMystery ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:00:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol how much did they cost?
Maarifrah ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:31:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
they arent cheap it's like $20 unless you get a real crap pair of tweezers. you want one of the ones that has a real fine tip, and you go at it from the side. those are the shit
toomanyattempts ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:48:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn they must be fancy. I'm a guy and will admit to tweezing my eyebrows, but I'll get the ยฃ1.79 ones from Boots to preserve some illusion of manliness to myself
[deleted] ยท -69 points ยท Posted at 04:44:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you pay $20 for tweezers, youโre a ducking retard
IceSpirits ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 05:02:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have to be an asshole about it
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:04:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Duck you, buddy
ComplimentaryCunt ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:28:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's not your buddy, guy
Poopdooppoop123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:44:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have you buddy, duck.
suneelphaniraj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a buddy duck
EmptyChair ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:56:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, basically everyone who buys tweezers and wants them to last?
What's your malfunction? Are you one of those people who think it's only acceptable to buy cheap junk?
walkingmonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:01:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You my friend are a douche canoe
millipedecult ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:09:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost everyone of my girlfriend's laughed because I had to pluck my eyebrows, but then they remark on how well they look afterwards.
queenofthera ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:17:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I practically beg my SO to tweeze or trim his monobrow. I'd be happy if he did that like you. I love him to death and his appearance will never change that but Christ it looks ridiculous. It's his face though so I've got no right to complain.
It doesn't help that he has a bit of a fear of tweezers. As a kid, his dad would always pin him down when he used them to remove splinters. His dad had really shit aim so would repeatedly pinch his skin before finally extracting it.
wafflesandpugs123 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:54:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus I know your pain. I've got some LUCIOUS brows. It's to the point where literally strangers will comment on their thickness. But for some god damn reason it feels so weird to trim/ pluck them. No one has ever shamed me or made me feel bad for doing it, but I feel so embarrassed whenever someone mentions it. I know that if I let someone else wax them, they could be a work of art, but I just feel so awkward about it.
FelonyFey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:12:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should really just go to a pro once to get them waxed. I'm a beautician/cosmetologist and most of us are really nice and don't judge anyone. Find someone who asks YOU what you want YOUR eyebrows to look like. I've had guys tip me quite large amounts just for the way I handled their eyebrows!
steelcityslacker ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:18:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is exactly what Jake Peralta would do.
McFagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then smile uneasily.
Sazley ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:39:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smort
zhangsnow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:10:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very fitting name
FelonyFey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay this one is just adorable and sad;
jakeperalta11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayy!
ghostflowerd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:58:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that were me and you said they were yours I'd be happy to know you were the sort of person to keep yourself tidy and clean.
ImHydeRightNow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:18:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I grow a uni brow quite quickly so I wanted to buy tweezers. I waited until I had a sliver to go to the pharmacy, and then actually showed the cashier my sliver.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
n1c0_ds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just be a real man and own your decisions
BNJT10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Using tweezers to pluck your eyebrows sounds painful. You should try the scissors/comb combo a la Evan Almighty
Lukeyy19 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:27:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that's different. Tweezers are for removing unwanted hairs such as a unibrow and the comb and scissors is for trimming unruly hairs down to size.
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should of said they're your butt hair pullers. See her take them then!
somanydimensions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:48:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No shame in owning tweezers!
Muck_Fachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:00 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I upvoted you just because of your amazing username
ThatTrashBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:06 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On season 3 right now. Itโs a good show
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has (pretty much) happened to me
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Loved your story but honestly, it is not weird to have tweezers. I think everyone has a pair.
DamaOscuraDeTodos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:57:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I don't see what's so weird about buying tweezers. I have a pair in my first aid kit and my bathroom. They can be used for splinters and ticks, not just plucking eyebrow hair.
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yea I can't say I am often removing splinters from my hands but I definitely use them to pull some nose and eyebrow excess hair.
Inmate7269 ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 04:26:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Masculinity is so fragile...
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 07:27:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never groom my eyebrows (I'm a woman) :)
[deleted] ยท -54 points ยท Posted at 04:35:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Namffohcl ยท 20668 points ยท Posted at 18:39:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Allowed my neighbor to call me the wrong name for 7 years because I never corrected him the first time he said it wrong.
toogroovytoo ยท 14445 points ยท Posted at 20:46:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversely, I never used my neighbor's name because I forgot it the first time he told me and was too embarrassed to ask him. He always greeted me and my dog by name. We were neighbors for three years. I was so happy when he moved.
GeneralCheese ยท 11743 points ยท Posted at 23:31:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have stolen a piece of mail from him and just returned it saying "Hey NAME, mailman screwed up!"
Only a slight risk of a federal crime.
amanko13 ยท 6233 points ยท Posted at 23:34:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or the slight risk that the mailman actually did screw up and that it wasn't his mail.
[deleted] ยท 2755 points ยท Posted at 23:45:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd watch the shit out of that comedy.
JuiceboxSC2 ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 01:03:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the exact sort of situation George from Seinfeld would find himself in.
Actually, Jerry would likely be more apt to forgetting a neighbor's name. George would probably have a suspicion that his neighbor forgot his name and tell Kramer about it, and Kramer would suggest that it would be easy to just look at someone's mail to get their name... so George would plant a fake piece of mail each day just to try to bait his neighbor into calling him the wrong name. The show would likely end with the neighbor asking George if he had a roommate named Frank or something and George would feel silly.
Cue iconic bass lick/trumpet riff, roll credits.
ymmilitia ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 01:50:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/redditwritesseinfeld
Rcmacc ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:28:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mulva?
ipreferc17 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:33:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elaine gets called โSuzeโ and doesnโt correct her coworker.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:31:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the neighbor knows George's name, but went through his mail anyway?
JuiceboxSC2 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:39:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I don't write television shows for a living.
Looniverse ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:56:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just make it so that Jerry is the one who never says his name. George tries to get him (the neighbor) to say the name only to have Jerry read off the wrong name in an attempt to execute Kramer's plan
I'm sure there's still a hole in there somewhere but I can dream
erddad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:21:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, George plants the mail in the neighbor's mailbox.
erddad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, George plants the mail in the neighbor's mailbox.
lolwutpear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough Newman sabotage.
oxygenfrank ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:40:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Josh Gad as shy anxious neighbor with dog and Dane Cook as neighbor who remembers everyone's goddamn names. This Summer coming to Netflix.
flimspringfield ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:27:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
audience laugh
Sprickels ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:27:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something out of Curb
mjw09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:36:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can still play that off.
Wyodaniel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's some Seinfeld-level shenanigans, lol
roguetroll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The awkward neighbour decides to "borrow a piece of mail, so he finally knows how his hot (and friendly) neighbour is named. When he looks at the name, it's the name of a dangerous crime lord. No wonder his neighbour is such a douche, he's a mobster. That poor, poor neighbour's wife, he must save her!
Later, it turns out that it was just a "shared name, wrong person" thing and that the neighbour was just angry at the main character because he's a weirdo who keeps staring at his wife in the most perverted way possible.
I'm going to make it a comedy and the "hero" is going to be a typical neckbeard and internet warrior whose "friends"on the internet do the research and lead to the fuckup.
dispatch134711 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
er.. the address would also be on there though, it doesn't make sense
kinrosai ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 00:27:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get mail for people who don't even live here any more all the time.
Sopissedrightnow84 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:03:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the last several days I've received mail for five different people, all at my address. I've never heard of any of them.
LastCypher ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:05:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's probably not a good thing
Sopissedrightnow84 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:12:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't really matter. Just means previous tenants didn't forward their mail.
flimspringfield ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:28:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or, because I'm watching Final Destination, he will die.
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"My name isn't Gilberto...this isn't my mail."
"Ha ha just testing you! Neighbie!"
"Yeah ok see you later Bruce, say hi to Noodles for me."
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"My name isn't Gilberto...this isn't my mail."
"Ha ha just testing you! Neighbie!"
beat
"Yeah ok see you later Bruce, say hi to Noodles for me."
PepinLeBref ยท 291 points ยท Posted at 23:37:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that would be excellent.
MJBrune ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:12:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean it also depends who lives there like could have just gotten the son's name instead of the uncle. If your neighbor lives alone then you are in the clear.
CompZombie ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:06:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey current occupant...how's it going"?
broniesnstuff ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 00:02:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh hey Brenda! The mailman accidentally put a piece of your mail in my box!"
"Fred. My name is Fred."
ocarina_21 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:01:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Jordan is my wife."
Abodyhun ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:00:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey insert own name the mailman screwed up and delivered your mail to me.
Hyro0o0 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:33:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh, thanks Valued Customer! I really appreciate it! Hey, tell Current Resident I said hi!"
amanko13 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:11:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey insert own name the mailman screwed up and delivered my mail to you. Haha"
"But... how did you know?"
mikeeg555 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 00:33:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could steal ten pieces of mail, removing outliers. By that point the name should statistically be correct.
amanko13 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:33:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
taps temple
Now you're thinking.
everydaynormalguy48 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:03:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"TIFU by stealing mail from my neighbor that wasn't actually his"
MurphyKing ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:33:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should have been a Seinfeld episode.
DangalfTheGray ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mulva?
MurphyKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Schmoopy?
AlwaysHopelesslyLost ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:24:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be pretty easy to just play that off as being silly
amanko13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:32:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the way you say it I suppose. If you're a good liar, you might get away with it.
NariannOP ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:54:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laugh when you say it.
2.is their name/mail. Assumes you're laughing because it's funny that you ended up with it.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:16:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
amanko13 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:24:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get mail addressed to my house number but belongs to someone who has never lived here.
ButtFuckBurrito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so much more of a butt pucker than the federal crime.
sunshinebusride ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:35:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you end up calling him by your own name
Scottyboy1214 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That should be a skit.
wall-fi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or it was his mail, but it's not his name and he thinks you've just exposed his mailing scam to the world.
Neologizer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:57:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That could be an episode of Louis.
fireman4884 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd move away at that point.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dammit, outed by the USPS
fudgyvmp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:46:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My grandma died, they're still forwarding mail meant for her two years later. So that mail could be the guy's dead father, or something.
Xanaxdabs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:55:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"hey Norman, the mailman screwed up!"
"Who the fuck is Norman?"
Sigilus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mailman once hilariously screwed up and delivered someone else's mail to our house which had the exact same house number as theirs, but they lived on an entirely different street.
gotbannedtoomuch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mine does that all the time and it pisses me off. I have to literally do the mailman's job when that happens
teenagesadist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be even better if it was the wrong mail, he called the neighbor by the wrong name, and the neighbor felt too awkward to correct OP, so he just went with it.
ProgDog320 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:27:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to mention how it could be anyone else's mail in the house
EbullientBeagle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:50:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then he lets you call him that for seven years because he forgot your name too...
Bananawamajama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:34:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New plan: wear a mask that looks like his face and sleep with his wife, then she'll scream out his name and you'll know what it is.
BigUptokes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:04:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Uhh... Jim's the one on the other side of your house Bob..."
muttering under his breath "Jeez, guy doesn't know anyone's name in this neighbourhood..."
Mythgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the nightmares
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could recover and say it was a joke because obviously the mailman screwed up and thought the neighbor was [wrong name] and how could you possibly not know neighborโs name? Thatโs just silly. What if [neighbor] forgot their own name and put the wrong name on the mail? Better ask them to make sure they know their own name.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
amanko13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Uhhhh... what? That's not my name."
princessofawfulcourt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is that not already a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode?
Stran_the_Barbarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the makings of an epic Seinfeld episode.
htreahgetd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has the house number on it...
amanko13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But the mailman put it amongst his mail. Why check the house number in the first place? and potentially the mail was addressed to the wrong house.
omnilynx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โOh man, Iโm so relieved. I thought Iโd had the wrong name all this time!โ
ZaydSophos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just say you thought it was his real name.
Later steal more mail since it can't be ALL wrong.
SleeplessShitposter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"But that's... my name... then who am I?"
swiftlopez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/Ag1o3koTLWM
maethor1337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can guard against that by scoping out his mail several days in advance to make sure the name is consistent.
kuri_sanTou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and he says, "wow, no one has actually called me samuel in a long time, neighbor"
-Reddit_Account- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Play it off as a joke "haha, I guess you're Mike now!" Then always call him Mike under the guise of it being an inside joke about that time the mailman screwed up.
setfire3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hi Lucy! the mailman accidentally delivered your mail to my mailbox!"
"Why did you call me by my wife's name?"
"Fuck." runs away as you still haven't learned his name
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:28:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Confirm the address?
Goodbye-Felicia ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:39:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
seinfield theme
spacebulb ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:13:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DELORIS!!
y3llowed ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:03:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Current Resident, Mailman screwed up!
Manga_Want ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:05:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"That's my wife's name..."
i_am_GORKAN ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey CHNANDLER BONG
AdammabA ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:57:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, itโs Miss Chanandler Bong.
i_am_GORKAN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:54:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. Looks like we're going to a tiebreaker!
cheekybubbz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not like he's calling me Muriel.
gregorykoch11 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:02:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you could just put it back in his mailbox.... Less awkward.
unpossibleirish ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:30:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Home Owner, how's your wife Occupant doing? How is Resident doing at school?
zhangsnow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:06:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When caught "I just wanna know his name!!"
Police officer "sir you live next him, have you tried asking?"
cardboardunderwear ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:59:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could always go rummaging through their trash too. Legal in most jurisdictions I think
Rygar82 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:40:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just ask the mailman
waltjrimmer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:26:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Resident! Got some of your mail by mistake.
That's junk mail. Every house gets that. Did... Did you really think my name was Resident?
No! It was just a joke. You know me, always joking. I need to do my cardio now. Runs away.
AnticitizenPrime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:06:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
German guy moved in next door recently. Am American. He has thick accent.
We met when I was cleaning out my gutters, on the roof. He's at ground level. He calls out to me and we yell back and forth. Seems like a super nice guy.
Asked him to repeat his name several times and I never did catch it. Pretended like I knew his name.
Thanks to this advice, I will possibly commit a federal crime by stealing a peek at his mail to figure out his name. Thanks Reddit. Beats social awkwardness.
NOXQQ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not bad, but to anyone in the situation: if you can think of a reason to have the person's phone number, ask them to put it in your phone for you. Hope they don't decided to be silly and put in "neighbor" or something. Lol.
If you already have it, delete it and make an excuse. New phone. Had to do a factory reset. Glitch. W/e. Maybe write it down before you delete it too. Just in case.
Or if it hasn't been very long since you've met... "hey, I'm sorry I'm terrible with names..." ;)
YeOldeGitfiddle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:21:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only post ever (major lurker) to say this: You can use GIS data to find property tax data for people. It's usually a map that you can zoom in on, click on the property, and then it tells you what the owner's names are.
1 - Let the stalking of the rumored celebrity near you commence!
2 - Find out your neighbor 'Jerry' is actually 'Gerry' because his full name is 'Gerald Neighborlyman.' Good stuff.
Moosemanatee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is how I found out my neighbor's name. Property tax records. I also found out they pay way more taxes than us.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:10:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy burgles.
Barderino ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real LPT is always in the comments
eth0slash0 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:23:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unethicallifeprotips
nyr3188 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Current Resident! Your mail got mixed in with mine.
YouOldCuss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey CURRENT RESIDENT, mailman screwed up!
Dissastronaut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:07:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something larry David would do.
_C_L_G_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uhhh I'm in this exact situation, but I've never seen a community that didn't have group mailboxes with locks. Wtf do I do now?
spluge96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/unethicallifeprotips
TurtleSayuri ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Federal crime only if you open it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't try this at home kids. Instead, try it in the next neighborhood over!
averagejoegreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it a crime to have someone else's mail? I guess stealing it probably is...
TheTigglion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would he know it was his neighbours
mikkylock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg that is fucking brilliant.
NotATapeworm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly you could probably ask the mailman
Carpetfizz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm too stupid to figure out how this is a solution (beside the crime thing), anyone care to explain?
Nipso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:07 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His post will have his name on it...
TurboChewy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just open the mailbox and take a look at the name...
ScoobyDooPooEww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knock on the door holding a clipboard. When he answers " Hey I was wondering if you would sign this petition to start a neighborhood watch " Chances are they would.
avatar28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, assuming it's not a locked box like at an apartment, just open the mailbox and glance at the names. No need to actually TAKE the mail.
ganlet20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of the things I know about my neighbors is a direct result of packages they've ordered that were not sent in a generic box.
CentrifugalChicken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap! Your first name is Occupant, too?
Linkyyyy5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real LPTs are always in Reddit comments aren't they?
PappyAL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He probably received his neighbor's mail and just threw it in the trash like the rest of us.
AppaDucky79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is sorta what happened to me. I forgot my neighbor's name shortly after I moved in about 4 years ago. It was similar to the name of the office manager at my old apartment complex and I quickly mixed them up.
I'd often think to myself that the only way I'd figure out their name is if I got their mail by mistake.
One day, I ended up with a bunch of their mail in my mailbox. And as a bonus, when I was talking to her after returning it, she mentioned the name of the guy who lived with her.
I never really talked to either of them aside from a quick hello, but on a few times we'd have longer conversations and it was always a bit awkward with the little voice in my head going "Is it Jim? Mark? He kind of looks like a Matt. Or an Aaron..."
Before the mail mix-up they talked about selling their house so I was almost home free that way, but in the end they didn't list it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey, to whom it may concern!"
Bazzzaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Current Resident.
i_hateeveryone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this just reminded me of something similar that I did in College. Living in a all female dorm, I kept hanging with a girl I met in the common area, but I could not remember her name. Since I was friend with the RA of her floor, I looked at the room log and took a guess. 4 names for the room. Sarah has to be the white girl, Jin has to be the Asian one, the names left were Maria and Moisha. She was black, so I thinking Moisha. Walk to the room and ask for Moisha, her roommate (who I 've never met) goes "yeah? whats up?" I just turn around and walk away, too embarrassed. She was Sarah.
darkspy13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a solid entry for /r/UnethicalLifeProTips
pottersquash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been living at my home for 4 years I still occasionally get mail from them. You would confirm to me you were a moron who had no idea who I was.
Arnold_Mal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or ask the mailman
Turbosauce1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now THAT would be the most embarrassing thing
langlo94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just read the name on the mailbox.
Poundtown168 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seinfeld kinda did an episode on this lol
Chaosmusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, this is my neighbor Occupant and his wife To Whom It May Concern.
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't even have to steal the mail, just put it back and if you're caught "Oh I got your mail by mistake lol!"
mikkiaismehaha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Mr J Smith. Here's your mail!
Nourishedshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar problem with my neighbour but just in the pronunciation of his name, as he had entered it into my phone.
He always greeted me by name after this and I would just have to say hello without adding a name.
One day the postie did deliver his mail to my place by mistake, but the name he'd put in my phone was shown as the surname.
It has been 10 years..... I guess I'll never know!
354hamtaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real LPT is always in the comments!
_Dia_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All my mail says MR LASTNAME so that'd be super weird if someone started calling me that.
etelrunya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you have to actually steal it? Can't you just look at it and leave it there?
ImpulseNOR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How's Mrs. Occupant?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Occupant, mailman screwed up!
ifyoureadthisfuckyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Why are you calling me my son's name?"
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 23:37:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Psychonaut0421 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:47:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that a few times with much success
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:40:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm like 90% sure no one is actually fooled by that. Not only do most people know that "trick" but it's also a totally awkward exchange in itself anyway.
Namika ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:37:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively you can ask "You have have a nickname?" and they will answer with something like "Huh? Not really, I mean sometimes they called me Mike for short, but usually people just say Michael"
scootstah ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:45:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or they'll just say "no".
Bangersss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:19:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โOh ok. Iโll just keep calling you man/buddy/dude then.โ
lavendermacarons ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:37:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We moved in 7 years ago. Neighbours know our names but we don't know theirs :/ I wrote their names on a cardboard box because I knew we'd forget...SO recycled the box once all the unpacking was done.
Xearoii ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:49:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can look up their name through city property tax ownership records. All online. Search by county bro
/u/toogrovytoo
Geshman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're assuming they aren't renters
Xearoii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
7 years very good chance they aren't renters lol
lez566 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 23:40:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once dated a girl while in high school and had a similar scenario, except it was that I didn't know her surname. It was fine until one time after a few dates she told me to come up to her flat before or date. I asked what number and she told me the name was on the door. I got out of it somehow but realised I couldn't go on and ended it. She was really pretty.
mikerichh ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:33:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
as a guy it's easy. Use "bro" "man" or "dude" if same gender
setfire3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:28:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"babe", "sexy", "beautiful" if not
mikerichh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
Cato0014 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:35:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/britishproblems is leaking.
PmYourEroticFantasy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:41:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask him what his name is, and when he tells you he first name. Say, "No I meant your last name I'm doing Christmas cards this year"
avsfan1933 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then they'll expect a card from you.
phoenixmusicman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but if you're someone awkward enough to not just ask their name, then you'll probably not forget to send them a card
PmYourEroticFantasy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, it must have got "lost" in the mail, or you could just make a single Christmas card. It can't be that hard, and who knows maybe it will lead you guys to become great friends from this one single Christmas card.
klove02 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:40:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently in this situation but 1 year into it bought the house last year.
My MIL just had a guest house built on our property and now that she is moved in we are waiting for her to go over and greet him when he is outside and the the names!
God forbid he walk over when we are all out front or going through things of hers in the garage! Awkward introductions.
laxpanther ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:31:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Property records are public domain, I do a search for mortgages or deeds at the county clerk's website on a regular basis, for everything from remembering a neighbor's name to making sure I am addressing a work proposal (I'm in contracting) to the proper homeowner.
Bonus points you can see how much they paid for their house, mortgage value, and if they have any liens, which is super stalkery and never mind I've never done that...
Mr_Ted_Stickle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:43:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this at work. This one little old lady always used my name when she greeted me and I would always reply with "Oh hey! how are you doing today?" She's retired now so it doesn't matter anymore.
throwmetothewolvesx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:51:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this with like everyone, they'll introduce themselves and I'll immediately forget their name every time.
hellno_ahole ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:13:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have been calling my neighbor โmr. Haywardโ for 17 years. Three weeks ago he tells me that mr Hayward died 10 years ago and his name is John. He said he didnโt know how to tell me.
itwasdark ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me with nearly every one of my coworkers.
bitcheslovekittens ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:05:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time, search the address in public county records for a deed (US?) and you can get the owner(s) names. Assuming they own the property.
Kwanzaa246 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:16:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a room mate for 6 months that I didn't know his name.
One day the cops came looking for him and I had no idea who they where looking for, I told them they had the wrong house... I did call them back when I realized that I had lied to a police officer and accidentally covered for some piece of shit
strynkyngsoot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:48:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you idiot. brings a plant
btveron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have rifled through his mail before had a chance to grab it.
FeatheredSun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He enjoyed fucking with you like that.
SteveeMeetsWorld ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually have this right now. I moved in June, we met some neighbours, and I totally forgot the woman from three houses to the left.
Jepatai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looking forward to when we have to move for this exact reason. I can't remember any of their names. I've asked more than once too. It's terrible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:04:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, 90% of the people I know are called hey or ummm.
poopinginpeace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:05:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, I'm close to 10 years in this situation
Jubjub0527 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've asked too many times to ask again. I'm embarrassed to keep asking. Maybe the mailman knows...
just_ohm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something like that once. One day the guy told me to drop his name in a job interview because he knew the owners...didn't land the job, but damnit, I'll never forget your name again Brad.
EpicKid2212 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what to call my girlfriend's parents because "Mr" and "Mrs" is too formal especially after being with her for 5 years, but calling them by their names also feels weird so I've avoided calling them anything for 5 whole fucking years.
shithappens88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that I think of it I don't call my girlfriends parents anything too..
infinitebeam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dolores! DOLORES!!
Icouldrun4smiles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds so British haha
dpistachio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me?
TheObstruction ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just make up a name, then call everyone that name, so it's normal at that point.
Made_you_read_penis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:57:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's been three years since my neighbor moved in.
I called her Yoga Jones because she looks and sounds like a character from a shitty Netflix show.
We eventually introduced ourselves to each other. Immediately forgot her name when I went to tell it to my wife.
My wife and I to this day don't know her name and secretly call her Yoga Jones.
We have shared food with this woman.
It's so awkward.
brokenboomerang ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this for years! Then one day their mail was accidentally delivered to me. Saved!
ihavenoenemies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:04:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Good luck with the new place.......champ"
nwkegan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What mattered to your neighbor was that you bothered to interact with him. Not remembering his name.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:08:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I love Australia, if I don't remember your name I'll just say mate. "g'day kangaroostew" "hey mate, how are things?".
Beastachu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:24:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm like this to a fault w/ everyone. How soon I learn your name is based on this order:
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:29:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know my boss's name for like the first 4 months. Turns out he had the same name as one of the cooks and that's why I could never figure it out. Mad awkward.
mjw09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just had my 4 yr old keep asking and tell me LOL.
FdauditingGbro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:01:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this problem right now. Jesus Christ is it frustrating and Iโve only been here since May. I canโt remember her name, or her husbands.
krankes_hirn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a neighbor who always greeted me by my name in a very friendly way and always asked how my family was and I was utterly clueless of her name for at least a decade. I have no recollection of us ever being introduced. I only found out her name recently after a huge earthquake hit my city because she was organizing volunteer brigades and only then I found out what her name and those of her family. A week later I still remember the name of every single person in her family except her.
kingdrewpert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:30:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just moved into a neighborhood with an HOA that doesnโt let you lease your own house (so I know all occupants are the owners), I forgot my neighbors name so I looked up the county records for their property and got their names, and all the names of the neighbors and made a handy little chart to help me in the future.
LurkingArachnid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy at the gym introduced himself, but I couldn't understand it. So I got him to repeat it, and I asked "sorry, did you say <name>?" He replied with something like "well it's actually mumble mumble, but that's fine." To make things worse, I forgot to let go of his hand I was shaking throughout the entire exchange.
After all that, I still forgot his name. I've known him awhile now and it would be awkward to admit I don't know his name.
rhill2073 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking hate those people! You think you're better than me because your WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY remembers my name and I don't have the slightest clue who's who over there?
They were better than me, that's what sucks.
goagro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The mayor of my town thinks my name is Steve. Everytime I see him says "Hey Steve how are you?". My name is Chris.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat next to a dude in lectures for 6 months without knowing his name for this reason. Facebook saved it.
"Hey man, i couldn't find you on Facebook, how do you spell your name?"
ODMtesseract ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:53:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a trick for this.
You: What's your name?
Them (slightly hurt that you don't remember): John
You: No, I meant your last name.
Them: Oh, it's Smith.
Boom, now you have a first and last name and no one is awkward!
CR1M3D0G ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:16 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jay Gatsby only refers to his neighbor Nick Carraway as "old sport"
Zutiala ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:45 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got the exact same thing with my co-worker at work, Sympathies.
ImGiraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this way more than I should
SpidersInMyHouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey just snoop through his mail. Easy fix!
TheGaspode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's my daily routine with about half of the people I regularly interact with. I'm absolutely terrible with remembering names. Now I just make a joke of it anytime someone new joins our group that I'll definitely forget their name until something happens that makes it stick, so in the meantime if I ever am heard to say "this guy" or "the good lady here" to give me a reminder.
drbusty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've worked the receiving area of a large retail hardware store, didn't know the ups man's name for 4 years
HighClassHate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! We had a nickname for our neighbor, we called him Wayne because he just seemed like a Wayne. We referred to him as that for so long that we completely forgot his name. It was terrible because he invited us over for cookouts all the time and we always went, we just had to avoid using his name.
FireLucid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are two women at work. I work in IT so see their names a bunch, but rarely see them. I had to replace a computer once. They were both in the room. Thankfully it was obvious which had the old computer, phew.
What-The-Pho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god yes. I've referred to my sister's boyfriend as Chief, Guy, Man, Dude, Bro, for the last 5 years. Now, I'm firmly going to make the effort to never learn his name
toogroovytoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:52 on October 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was checking notifications and I just saw this! This is the best! You don't know your sister's boyfriend's name. That takes it to another level!
Brewers2018WSchamps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have been teaching at a school for three years. There are 17 other teachers on staff.
I know for names....
I missed my window many moons ago. Now I just point and say โhey!โ Or go fun British impersonation and say โBruv!โ
PM_meyourGradyWhite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mulva
LadyCoru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend (not super close, but friend nonetheless) I've known for eight years. I have no idea what her last name is and I can't bring myself to ask.
Minemose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am in this situation now. The dad is Robert, kid is Madeleine, dog is Lucy, forgot the mom's name immediately. So I just avoid her at all costs because it's been 6 years now.
AtiumDependent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how it is at my apartment now. The guy across from me is around my age, mid 20s and is cool as fuck. He addresses me by my name every time we see each other, but I first met him when I was drunk and immediately forgot his. I don't go outside if I know he's out there and I may pass him.
NoobsPwnU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this a throwaway account?
bobthebobofbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was the case with me when I started my internship a while back. At a meeting everyone introduced themselves but naturally I instantly forgot about 99% of the people's names. I learned the names of the people I actually worked wirh pretty quickly but I never managed to remember the names of the girls working at the front desk. I was always terrified that someone was going to say "hey, can you go take these papers to Katie up front" and I would just have no idea what to do
tballz3773 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. My lifehack for moments like this us to always ask my wife after. Then I forget it again.
Dronizian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been talking to a girl online for a few weeks and forgot to ask her name. I only know her screen name, but it's too late to ask her for her real name, especially since I'm pretty sure she told it to me a while ago and I've since forgotten it.
WhiteNinja24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When that happens to me I usually ask them how their name is spelled. It helps me learn what their name is, and I'm a bit of a visual learner, so having a mental image of the name helps me remember it.
greggels86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rarely use peoples names at work when talking to them. Just incase I say the wrong name.
c4seyj0nes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he wasnโt renting, in most states you can look up property owners online. The problem is when you look up a name like โAndrew.โ Is he an โAndy,โ a โDrew,โ or does he go by his full name?
Jdog131313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look him on the property tax records.
honeypup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've lived next door to the same people for like 15 years and I don't know either of their first names. They're an older married couple who are kind of mean so I don't talk to them much other than saying hi when I see them. But somehow they know my name and I have literally never heard either of theirs.
Actually I've had mostly the same neighbors for most of my life and I only know one of their names. He's a mailman with a cool dog named Boots. He's the only one I really talk to.
BoneHugsHominy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know my neighbor's first or last name and we've been neighbors for almost 2 years. Our doors are 5' from each other and I see her every single day at least twice, and we always greet each other and sometimes visit for awhile. Since I have never called her by her name, and she always calls me by mine, I always wonder if she thinks I'm kind of rude or if she realizes I don't know her name and privately thinks it's funny.
Pielo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just Google the address instead?
Bajsklittan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did you not just look up his address or something and get the name from there?
Mat_the_Duck_Lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can never remember ANYONESโS name. The best thing is to address everyone neutrally and just hone up to it if it ever comes up.
deal_with_it99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time check your Assessor page. (Where you check the value if your property.) Then check you neighbors address and there is the current owners information. Of course, this only works if you're living in a house of some type and not an apartment.
Ladyharpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me a lot since I'm awful at names but good at recognizing faces. Usually I'll ask for their phone number (if I care about their name bc they're a coworker, I see them often etc I usually can get it) say I got a new phone and then ask how to spell their name.
crazyguy83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
County property records are usually publicly available and list the house owner.
Bergauk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me with my nextdoor neighbors right now. They introduced themselves to us when we moved in and I completely forgot their names within a few minutes.. Luckily I've since remembered their names.
SubMGK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here, sort of. People ask me why I give them silly nicknames that have no relation to their name whatsoever. I tell them it's because I'm quirky, but in reality I cant remember their real names.
testsubject23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had the same thing a while back. Worse because I half remembered the neighbours name as โNaziโ
TheOtherGuy107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversely conversely my new neighbors and I have never even spoken because we're in a standoff of who will be the ones to introduce themselves first.
GoTomArrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think any of my friends calls me by my name. "Heya there" is entirely sufficient, no need to even mention names lol.
misyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know almost none of my neighbor's names since we moved in 3 years ago but my husband is the street social butterfly, so everyone stops by and chats with me. I live in fear of them asking me about other neighbors or just saying something that would require me to know their names. The sad part is my husband has told me names of people and who lives where over and over again but I just don't remember them.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh noooooooo!!!! Im in the middle of this. I think I know it, but neither my wife nor I remember.
We moved in not long ago, so we're going to have a housewarming party. I'm hoping they attend and I can over hear him introducing himself. That about all I got.
sinister_exaggerator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Introduce a friend to them, make them do the introduction themselves, bam you got their name again.
oDiscordia19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done this with pretty much every neighbor I have.
Prettymuchdefault ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: you might be able to look up neighbor's name on your town's online assessors office. It's helped me out a few times.
OfficialDiscoveryAMA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just ask people how they spell their name. They'll spell out their first name then you can cover your ass and say, "No, I meant your last name". And final bit of instruction: Don't put your dick in a fan, ceiling or otherwise.
uses_irony_correctly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but if their last name is something like Brown or Jones you kind of look like an ass.
wibbswobbs ยท 211 points ยท Posted at 21:05:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HA! My boyfriend is currently in this situation. He recently moved into a new apartment and we met the neighbor day 1. Saw her a few day later with her husband and she introduced us as wibbswobbs and completelywrongnameofboyfriend...I was just about to correct her when my boyfriend extends his hand to husband and says "hello I'm completelywrongnameofboyfriend", so I had to go with it! I now refer to him as the incorrect name.
sporks_ ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 23:40:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: neighbors said his correct name and YOU have been calling him the wrong name all along... dum dum dummmmmm
cqm ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:42:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cant pronounce my girlfriend of three years name so I could see how this could happen
Bamres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:29 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At this point you need some sort of lessons man
shriek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you guys talk after sex?
cqm ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:49:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, she has a localized nickname
Namffohcl ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 21:09:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome.
kuhn_fyoozed ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:46:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12 or 13 we rented an apartment from people my father was friends with. One day the landlady jokingly said she didn't like my name and will now call me John. So everyone else started calling me that just for the hardy har har but the name kinda stuck.
I'm now 43 and my siblings still call me John.
Jimmythehamster ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:48:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And what is your name?
RinkyInky ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:52:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John
kuhn_fyoozed ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:06:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spelled Jhon.
28Hz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jhon with a "c".
TheWolfBuddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jimmy
jamboreethecat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:32:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was that out of awkwardness or just because it was funny?
wibbswobbs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:09:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When they walked away I asked him why he didnโt correct the wife. He said โitโs rude to correct older peopleโ lol. But, yes, he is awkward person with ppl he doesnโt know.
grillcover ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:06:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever want to end the ruse without awkwardness, I have an idea.
Casually refer to him as his real name, and when they go, "Wait I thought...?" you laugh and say, yeah, "Real Name" is his middle name, which he used to go by professionally and is making the full switch.
Something like that. The only danger is them seeing his real middle name but I feel like that's a super unlikely neighbor interaction.
wibbswobbs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:12:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would work because he actually does go by his middle name lol
ImGiraffe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he knew what he was doing. That's crazy.
akugyaku ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 21:18:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done this multiple times. A bus driver called me Pete (not my name) for 3 years. Eventually you just become Pete, or in your case whatever you neighbor called you.
RinkyInky ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:53:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You either die with your real name, or you live long enough to become.....Pete.
ThirdWorldThinkTank ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:26:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work with a group of people that do video production for the local university's athletics video boards. When I started, there was a guy named Steve. A couple of years later, they hired another guy named Steve. Because it's apparently unacceptable to have two people with the same name, Steve 2 became Gus. I actually didn't meet him when he was first hired, and he was introduced to me as Gus. I didn't know his name was actually Steve for probably 2 years, if not longer.
Bolt_of_Zeus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:01:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every year in school I had to correct my teachers on the first day of class because they would use my first name and I go by my middle name. Well one year I didnt correct my first period teacher so she used my first name the entire year, which was fine until her and my third period teacher were having a conversation about me while I was in the room. Awkwardness ensued for 7th grade me but I learned a valuable lesson about aliases that day.
SpeckleLippedTrout ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 21:46:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I let the ups guy at work call me the wrong name for months, until he heard someone else call me by my real name. I was outed. It was exactly as awkward as you think
Stephenrudolf ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 22:12:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have 5 names that are next to impossible for the average english speaker to pronounce correctly on the first try. I have so many different variations of what people call me I generally justcrespond to any loud noises or eye contact.
carverthekid ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:20:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have 5 names?
Babyrabievaccine ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:30:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, one for each of my eyes.
NumbuhOne ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:34:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One for each variation of this joke.
Esterthemolester ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:32:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One for each of his dicks
shoombabi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:44:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Come now, "Washington" isn't that hard to pronounce.
insomniac20k ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:12:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That motherfucker had like 30 God damn dicks
Stephenrudolf ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:16:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is with a dick in your mouth.
Stephenrudolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dont you?
Bamres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:06 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOUD NOISES
kniightisa ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 23:08:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me Toby, who the HELL is this "Chandler"?!
I_Ate_Snailpo_AMA ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:32:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just found out this is Chandler's office! Chandler starts destroying his own office
He is a perfect fit for this thread.
SNAFUesports ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:54:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol immediately what I thought of.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:31:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't blame yourself, Toby, this is all Chandler's fault...whoever that guy is.
simplify_that_shit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:01:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, why would he call you Muriel?
GAU8Avenger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:38:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh... my... god, Chandler M. Bing!!
ChickensTasteShit ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:40:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit Terry
whatareyoueating ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:52:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A regular customer at work (fish and chip shop) was talking to a coworker one night about why her dad wasn't working there that night. He leaves and I give her a funny look, she says "yeah, he thinks other coworker is my dad, and it's too awkward to correct him now".
Grenyn ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even worse are people who you correct but then they still call you the wrong name. So you either work up the courage to correct them multiple times or you eventually just deal with being called a different name.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:31:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my neighbors is a giant asshole. I know damn well that his name is Larry, but I intentionally fuck it up every time I talk to him. John, Bob, Chris, Gary, Brent, Chad... I call him whatever name pops into my head when I see him. Been going on for close to 2 years now. He barely talks to me at this point which I am totally fine with.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever call him a female name?
"Hey Martha! How's it going?" friendly wave :D
RinkyInky ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:55:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he developed multiple personality disorder and has become a social recluse.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a sixth grade teacher REFUSE to call me by chosen name. My real name and nickname are one letter off, and both are normal acceptable common names. Teacher just thought my real name was prettier. Had to correct classmates who didn't know me as well. Bleurgh.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can kinda see where they're coming from, some people are iffy about names.
But they should respect chosen names if the name is commonly used by your friends and such. At that point the chosen name is your name for everything except paperwork.
I dislike my name a lot, so I also kind of get where you are coming from. I tried to change my name, but by more than just one letter. Chose a cringy name though, so I regret the whole ordeal.
Now I still go by my actual name, and have completely illegitimized me wanting a different name.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used my chosen name for paperwork. Why the heck would I encourage her to call me by real name? Of course this was elementary school.
Why not legitimately change your name? I don't hate my real name, so I never bothered to legally change mine. But if you can legally change yours, why not?
stephanonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found Larry's Reddit account.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just woke up and I think I responded to my own comment rather than yours.
If not, then here's another comment saying the same thing as the last.
I've been called Larry twice now in as many days. Who is Larry?
stephanonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:24 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
stephanonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:29 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
stephanonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:48 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
stephanonymous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:48 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's from the show Parks and Recreation. Larry aka Jerry aka Gary aka Terry is the coworker nobody likes and he always gets called the wrong name. He let his coworkers believe for years that his name was Jerry (it was in fact Gary) because he didn't want to correct them.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been called Larry twice in as many days now. I don't get it. Who is Larry?
FISTED_BY_CHRIST ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:24:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jerry?
NamesArentEverything ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:40:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"My real name is actually Gary."
Ramza_Claus ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:56:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this happened to me. After 2 years of calling me "Steve", my neighbor heard a friend call me by my real name on the day I was moving out.
"Your name isn't Steve?"
"Ahh, no. But, I mean, a lot of people call me Steve, I guess. Not a big deal"
"... People call you Steve even though it's not your name?"
"Uhh, ... Yep. Yeah, some folks. I mean, not a lot, but, like..."
"Okay. Why?"
OMG it was crazy awkward. Good thing I was moving and never saw him again.
thehonestyfish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Steve's my middle name."
Rikkochet ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:43:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few of my coworkers pronounced my name wrong for 9 years. At first I didn't correct them because it didn't really matter, but after a while I was just impressed we could sit in meetings where everyone else said it right and they just stuck to their guns and said it wrong.
That changed recently. I think someone told them and ruined all my fun.
jptmhde123 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:08:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jerry
BreakingBone ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:22:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found Larry Gergich
eigenworth ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:31:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit, Jerry.
Sojio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gary?
RNbai ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:17:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chandler?
Bezzzzo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this with a co-worker. He called me by the wrong name, it was a similar name so i just assumed he would eventually realise my actual name since we worked together with about 20 others who all knew my correct name. Aftee a week or so i felt too awkward to correct him. 8 months or so later someone must have told him and he called me by my real name. Was very awkward silence for a moment, then i just pretended like it never happened. We never spoke about again either.
aerodynamicvomit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:22:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toby!
academiac ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:41:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ms. Chenandeler Bong
simplify_that_shit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:02:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted a donut
snarky_by_nature ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not like he is calling me Muriel
Berowalt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I am your neighbor except Iโve evolved. I have such a hard time remember names that itโs on the verge of just being rude. Since before high school, now I generalize everyone. On more than one occasion I thought the name was wrong and have been wrong. Just play it safe.
jamesjoycethecat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:32:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first name and last name are both common womenโs first names. Iโve learned to turn around for both rather than correcting anyone.
IRunIntoThings ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:43:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to go to a small food shop in college. For 4 years, the owner called me by a different name because I didn't correct him the first time. (I did make an attempt once, but I mumbled it and he asked, "What was that, [real name]?" I said "Nothing," and moved on.
I went back to the shop the first time THREE years later, and he somehow remembers my name still! Of course, it was the wrong one. My significant other was with me during that trip, and she was thoroughly confused and I had to explain to her later on.
floyd_the_barbarian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jerry?
sfw09141 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:03:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you work in a Parks and Recreation City Department? Is your name jerry gergich?
SortaBlackKindaWhite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly I've let my barber call me another name for at least a year if not more. Didn't change until my mom came in to buy something from the barber shop and said my name. Then his kids heard my real name said once and kept reminding him it wasn't Bob like he thought it was. He slips still but he catches himself. Actually kinda liked being Bob though. It was a different name so in a way it was kind of like being a different person too. For the short time I was there I could be Bob and not u/SortaBlackKindaWhite.
Eli-Cat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:27:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this really vivid memory even though it happened a long time ago. I had this teacher when I was a kid who thought my name was slightly wrong (think "Anna" instead of "Anne").
For the first year I wasn't sure if I just wasn't hearing the A or not, and when I realized he didn't know my real name it was too late. Fast forward 5 years later and my friend realizes our teacher has been calling me the wrong name for 5 years and points it out ("her name is actually Anne"). His response?
"I've been calling her Anna for 5 years, why would I stop now?"
Ok.
ReindeerRanier ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:00:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is your name Gary Gergich?
10_Virtues ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:31:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my neighbors, he wasn't right in the head after years of drugs, called me George. I never corrected him either. As I got older I realized it was more of a nickname because I was very curious and getting into everything. Curious George.
sideofsunny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A guy in my hometown still calls me the wrong name because Iโve never corrected him. My whole family (even extended family that only visits for holidays) is in on it now and doesnโt bat an eye when he calls me Heather and I respond.
NotaSport ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a less than common name, so if people don't get it right after the 2nd time I just allow them to call me the wrong thing so I get a bit of a chuckle everytime we met again.
AndrasKrigare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me with a coworker I don't see very often; they called me by a similar name, so by the time it registered to me that they said it wrong, it felt too awkward to correct. And then I never corrected them until a year or so later when they happened to say my "name" with someone who did know my name and asked "wait, what did you just call him?" It ended up being even more awkward for them as they tried to recover, and I ended up feeling bad :/
ZeusHatesTrees ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:32:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OH! This happened with a teacher and then eventual co-worker of mine. She was a teacher and thought my name was something it wasn't. I was an awkward teenager and didn't correct her for 4 years. I graduated, she switched jobs, and we ended up being co-workers. She would then greet me every day as this wrong name. after two more years I corrected her. I couldn't handle it anymore.
Liftology ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent my whole high school of people calling me by my first name, but my parents always called me by my middle name. When I started high school I didn't want to explain it every time why I did that. Im too socially awkward to explain it lol
Cwmcwm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:57:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought my neighbor said his name was Bud. I called him Bud for two years. He drove a truck for a Miller distributor. I asked him if his coworkers gave him crap about his name. He said โuhh, no.โ On the day he moved away, he told me his name was Mike.
Dragonblizzard10 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read the tax map info of the adjacent parcel.
iamnas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to me but it was my dad who never corrected my neighbour when I was a baby
tentacleyarn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My neighbor constantly calls me by the wrong name. I think it's a memory thing, because she's heard my roommate say my name. I don't correct her though, we've been neighbors for 8 years...
josephblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I am known as Dennis in the entire building. It spreads.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ken is that you?
snorkel42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I used to work with a really good friend of mine and weโd often go get coffee together. On our way to the coffee weโd frequented encounter a rather awkward coworker who somehow had mixed up our names, calling us by each otherโs name. Neither of us ever bothered to correct him. It was very funny when other coworkers would hear him greet us and get confused.
Best part was that company policy was to have our corporate badges with our names on them on us at all times. Dude would call me the wrong name while a hunk of plastic with my name on it was hanging around my neck.
BloodyExile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sidenote, my teacher for the last 2 semesters has been calling me brad... Not sure how Iโm still getting my grades, he never mentions anything about it. Just called me brad the first time and wonโt stop.
Beer_lady ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A coworker called me the wrong name for 5 for the same reason. I WAS IN TOO DEEP.
ColorMeSepia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college there was this sweet old lady who worked in the sandwich line. Every time she saw me she told me I looked like her friend Nancy. After we came back from winter break she just started calling me Nancy and I could never bring myself to correct her.
stargayzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh god, you made me remember that I did that too (not for 7 years, that's something else) but it did go on for months, and we talked every single day. Finally she heard someone else say my actual name (and me respond), and just went off on me. Of course I totally deserved it.
The embarrassment still stings to this day.
CapnCook33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, were you my neighbor about five years ago? I called this dude Keith the entire two years I lived at that place, damn near everyday, and two weeks after we moved I found out he had said T and not Kieth. He never once corrected me that whole time.
Namffohcl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't me.
_just_one_more_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, I had that too. Lasted about 5 years then he randomly started calling me by my actual name. Another neighbour must have told him. I certainly didn't. He probably thinks I'm kinda strange to let it go for so long.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been Jason at many jobs (my name's Justin)
the1liner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let a teacher do that for a semester in college. There wasn't many things to turn in for the theater elective. Last day giving out finals... "who is the1liner?!" I walk up and she turns beet red. I felt bad I let it go so long at that point.
justcougit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found out I was doing this to a girl for like 6 months. I was so upset she never told me. To be fair my boss loved Celine Dion and hired her because her name is Celynn (se-lynn), so she didn't wanna fuck it up.
setbnys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have a winner!
T_Peg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck...
methinksitlikea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm currently in the first year of this!
CPTherptyderp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently I've been pronouncing my friends name wrong going close to 20 years. He just rolled with it and I'm an idiot
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my old job I had a coworker call me Jerry for nearly 2 months (my name is Jesse) because I talk quietly and never really had a reason to correct him, i'm living Jerry's life now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get that donut from Bob, Chandler M. Bing? OR SHOULD I SAY TOBY?!!
BioRemnant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet he knew.
EatYourCheckers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paul?
JusticeRobbins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
by the end of year one, I feel like even if you told him there should be a mutual agreement to preserve the original name.
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair I would also pronounce "Namffohcl" wrong too. Nice to meet you "Nam-fok-l"
BoredNarwhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Iโm that neighbor. I forget what I called him, but one day you, or he, was helping me with something and the looked at me and said, โWhy do you keep calling me @#$&* when my name is *&$#@?โ
Whatโs really weird is that none of the neighbors corrected me either, but they all knew who I was talking about.
kgkglunasol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh. When I was a shy teenager I met this guy who misheard my name and called me something else. I actually ended up going by the name he called me after that (to this day some 16 years later).
Regallybeagley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a client of four years now.. I still havenโt corrected her even though every time I see a note made out to my name spelt wrong I tell myself today is the day I will... luckily she pays me in cash
ShadowSt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know someone whom I've known for that long and she always has a different name for me. What's weird is I went to school with her, she knew my name then, but after we graduated we bumped into each other at events where we both have name tags, yet she never gets my name right.
RandomGerman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG! I did the exact same thing for 2 years until I moved away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I whats you name? Rick? But he called you dick?
seanauer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just never say anyone's name. I never get called out for it either. How often do you really say people's names?
Max_Powers42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, I am forever "Tommy" for this same reason
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have two guys at work who have become so used to their names being mispronounced that not only do they avoid correcting people, they also actively avoid giving a direct answer when straight-up asked how it's pronounced.
Tenored ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Toby!
AtTheRink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar situation, I have a somewhat tough last night and I prefer the full version of my first name, not the shortened version (think Mike/Michael)
At my last job, during orientation the guy said my first and last name incorrectly and I was too afraid to correct him. So for the next 3.5 years I was called a name I hated, and by the wrong last name. I thought every time I heard it to correct them, but it wouldโve been more embarrassing.
Didnโt make that mistake the 2nd time.
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this your neighbor? https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/comment/doagzkc
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this your neighbor? https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/comment/doagzkc
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this your neighbor? https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/comment/doagzkc
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/comment/doagzkc is this them?
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/comment/doagzkc is this them?
revantou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a roommate during college orientation, who's name I forgot the first day. Looked in his wallet to find his ID while he was in the shower.
BaldBusiness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beat ya, going on 11 years. He's a pastor, I can't correct him......didn't even think twice returning my mail with my real name on it. Yes, I put that mail in his mailbox to prompt a correction.
Elvysaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is your name singe woon?
GrapeApee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll do you one better. I had a friend in high school, not super close but we talked quite a bit and we always called each other by nicknames. I didn't know his real name for 3 years because I felt awkward asking after forming such a "close" bond. We didn't have any classes together so it was easy to just not learn it.
One time someone called him by his real name and I legit was like "who the fuck is Roderick?".
KimJungFu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We called our neighbor the wrong name for years. I still don't know if his name is Marcus or Marius...
J1nx3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's been 25 years. Still haven't corrected my neighbors
Jaxraged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked for a temp agency once and I had a job for a week and I never corrected the 5 people who all called me Tom.
Vanguard470 ยท 6012 points ยท Posted at 20:13:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was really anxious for one of my first adult meetings that I was doing so I looked up the person I was meeting with and when they came in to shake my hand I introduced myself as them.
They thankfully laughed it off and just said, "no, that's my name". I cringe everytime I think about it.
quixoticsnake ยท 2594 points ยท Posted at 00:53:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God I had almost repressed the memory, but I've done this. In a group, introductions going around. I was really nervous because my crush was there and I accidentally said his name instead of my own name.
I shook someone's hand and introduced myself as Greg. I'm a chick.
RonaldTheGiraffe ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 05:10:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have said it's short for Gregette. Could have played it off really smoothly
wichtel-goes-kerbal ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 08:39:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then build an entire identity on that lie.
craig_machine ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 11:08:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And thus begins our story of the little chicken called Gregette.
WaterArko ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:36:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
someone link the TIFU potato thread here
wichtel-goes-kerbal ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 13:44:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tifu potato thread
broom_slap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:20:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy potato!
Bamres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:06:30 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I gregette?
tadpole64 ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 05:00:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this is almost as embarrising as calling a university lecturer mum.
jakeperalta11 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 06:58:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not in university but back in middle school.. yes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:48:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost do it in High School sometimes.
Donna_Freaking_Noble ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 02:56:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel that my generous upvote does a tiny little bit to atone for doing something equality stupid in my past.
DenSjoeken ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 07:21:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I met a new classmate at the start of my study. We got to talking on our way to the introduction event and I introduced myself by extending my hand for a handshake and saying "u/DenSjoeken". He started acting all weird and confused which made me worry if I had maybe said something weird or whatever. Turns out he had (and still has) the same first name, so he thought someone he'd just met and hadn't introduced himself to just called him by his first name.
tsnErd3141 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 10:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No wonder. You both have the same weird name - DenSjoeken
enough_shenanigans ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:12:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are the odds!
DKlurifax ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 08:21:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have a saying here in Denmark. Loosely translated it is "What the heart is full of, the mouth overflows with" :-)
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 06:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed the perfect opportunity to get Greg to introduce himself as you and suddenly y'all have a "thing" and thats your in to do the other "thing" with him.
quixoticsnake ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:36:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang you're right i missed my shot!
BatmanCabman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:39:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
WagnersWorkshop ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:14:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm old Greg!
SishirChetri ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:21:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Classic Greg!
HighestOfFives1 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 11:16:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
save it by saying "Oh i'm sorry, that's my old name. i'm called quixoticsnake now" and enjoy the shocked silence
FelonyFey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:04:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too....a few times... so glad to hear I'm not the only one with identity crisis when anxiety kicks in... haha.. and then they're all laughing light-heartedly and I'm just trying not to die, concealing buckets of sweat somehow...
gmaster115 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:31:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've moved to Scotland recently and the people have pretty strong accents I'm still getting used to. I'll introduce myself with name and they'll reply with theirs. Except I always think they're saying mine again for some reason and correct them. Then I turn into a flustered huff of your name wait my name huh?
Criticalmak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:13:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you like some Baileys?
f1sh98 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure you are, Greg. Sure you are...
helikesart ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:12:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you perhaps married to James alsoknownas Mr Sunday Movies?
ISpyALegend ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:53:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've also done this. We were all going around shaking hands and introducing ourselves as part of the first day of class. Half of us had other classes together so we knew one another. I'm a heterosexual male and shaked another mans hand, let's call him Mark. "Hey ISpyALegend, I'm Mark........no I'm not I'm ISpyALegend and you're Mark."
That was years ago and it still hurts to think about.
Vaginabutterflies ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:58:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be rough, couldn't add like an "ina" to the end of it to make it a female name either, not that most male names are possible to do that.
This was funny, I still feel for you though. I've repressed a lot of awkward interactions I've had and this thread is bringing some of them to light and making me cringe and laugh all at the same time at myself and the people sharing.
arcanethought ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:48:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work with a woman named Gregg. They're rare but they exist!
hoo321 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:18:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yo im crying at this lol hilarious
mommy2brenna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:47:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have tears rolling down my face; thanks for that! :)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh, once I wasn't paying attention, and we're supposed to be giving our teacher our home phone number, I called out my friend's instead of mine.
bindzzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:43:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me lol.
SirRinge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:32:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Because Frank's not a woman's name."
motoko123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:39:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
more awesome than awk
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:54:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I really, really feel for you.
zpuma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Gs are silent. Sometimes I forget.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:50:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's hot.
missfidycool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:12:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best thing I've heard all day ๐
GoodGuyGreggy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's my name.
ohmyst4rs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:45:51 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Greg
Hemingwhyy ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 00:18:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My ex boyfriend did this ๐ he introduced himself to my brother, as my brothers name.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:21:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit he could have committed and totally ruined your relationship with your bro. "No ya thats my name, she didnt tell me her bro was also Joe..." No matter what you say your brother would forever think you had a thing for him
thomaeaquinatis ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:15:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be an interesting conclusion you jump to.
Hemingwhyy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:50:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people think if they date someone with their siblings names, it means they were actually into their sibling the whole time.
faatiydut ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:00:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dunno what that says about me deliberately matching with people on tinder cuz they have the same name as me...
leadabae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It says you're gay.
faatiydut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not with a unisex name it doesn't
Hemingwhyy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:36:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a unisex name too! I one hooked up with a guy with my same name it was... weird lol
& my first name doubles as a last name, there was someone I was interested in but his last name was my first name so it never wouldโve worked out... I wouldโve been like Moon Moon
Darty96 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:45:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my sister's wedding, I was one of her husband-to-be's best men. When I was introducing myself to his mother, I got my words mixed up.
"Hi, I'm the Bride's sister."
I felt myself die a little more inside that day.
They since got a divorce. I felt terrible for my sister, but I am not disappointed that I'll never have to see that woman again in my life.
stillwantthekidsmenu ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:33:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow I feel dumb. I totally thought you were a girl, so I was like "these people are really original for choosing a girl as the groom's best men" and I had to read your post a few times, unable to see where you screwed up until my mind finally click. So just to be sure, you're a dude right?
TheMysteriousMid ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:59:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually been at a few weddings were that is the case, and Man of Honor for the Bride. I think it's becoming more common to not worry about Groomsmen being men, and Bridesmaids being
maidswomen.Darty96 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:35:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I am a dude.
leadabae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:14:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the stuff sitcoms are made of
queenofadmin ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:47:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I introduced myself to my son's teacher "Hi I'm [Son's name]." Super awkward I was like "actually no I'm not I'm [son's ] mum". Have avoided going to school for anything since!
clarifiedmind ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:19:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at a conference recently.As I was introducing myself I read their name tag, and it just came out as "Hi, I'm 'name'... no, wait, that's you!" Then to make it worse, I started to giggle from nerves. She avoided me after that.
sethdj ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:13:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this too. I was super shy when I was younger and was going to be introduced to a friend of a friend who I had been told about before. I introduced myself as them.
iloveraintoo ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:24:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of when I went to my sons 6th form parents evening. I met his Psychology teacher who was really young and clearly nervous as hell.
At the end of the meeting, he looked straight at my son and said "Nice meeting you", then turned to me and said "I'll see you tomorrow."
It was so hard not to laugh and I could imagine him replaying that event over in his mind afterwards.
Occults ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:26:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I nearly choked on my donut reading this gdi
sexualsquid ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:45:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hi I'm Robert Grayson, pleased to meet you"
Judo_Chopper ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:35:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was looking for this
grimacedia ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:25:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When being introduced by another person I inadvertantly say "This is -my name-" before the person introducing me does. I don't know why, hopefully it comes off as playful or something.
silverfanatic ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:48:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Robert Grayson, I'm Mark Corrigan. Hi Robert Grayson, pleased to meet you. Hi Mr Grayson, pleased to meet you. Hi Mr Grayson, pleased to meet you. "Hi, I'm Robert Grayson, pleased to meet you."
Wrenthorpian ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:35:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That made me lol on the train man. Thanks.
dementiaseven ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
jesus christ that's hilarious
TheButtholer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:29:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:17:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've killed me. Im in tears laughing like a villain alone. My guinea pigs are probably worried about me.
SpencerDavis44 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:55:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same fact freaking thing. I started a new job and one of the managers introduced himself saying โHi Iโm Brett.โ I replied with โHi Iโm Brett.โ I was even wearing a name tag. Fml.
sideofsunny ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:40:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐คฃ๐๐คฃ๐
DarthFonz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:43:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hi, I'm Robert Grayson"
evenstevens280 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:33:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Adult meeting"?
Vanguard470 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just starting off my career. The guy I was meeting with was a consultant to my boss. My boss wanted me to meet with him and get all the info I could so I could basically do what the consultant was originally brought in to do. They were friends and the company is pretty laid back so it wasn't like he was mad to lose a client or anything just passing information along mostly. But I had never met him and it's one of those things where you're new at something and have to meet with someone who knows way more than you. Also no introductions because my boss was very busy with other things. Hence why he hired me.
scotems ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:23:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough... Still, really bizarre phrase.
awash907 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is hands down my favorite one
jerekdeter626 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:29:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao my buddy Tom did this when meeting my friend Sam for the first time. He stands up and goes "Hey Tom I'm Sam... I- fuck!"
Afterwards Sam told me she thought he was trying to be funny, but nope, just good ol socially awkward Tom.
Vaginabutterflies ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:57:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's too good. Thank you for sharing, that had me laughing quite nicely.
HurricaneHenry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When something like this happens it helps to turn it around. How much would you have cared if that person introduced themselves as you? Youโd probably think it was a bit funny, and maybe even a welcome display of humanity. In any case you would have forgotten about it rather quickly.
Vanguard470 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:24 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea its just that I frequently run into him in my professional life now. We're cool and we joke about stuff but it's like looking back at myself back then... I've come a long ways... It was just such an uncomfortable time.
Suvtropics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that once too hahahahaha
annotatemedaddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My #1 rule for any adult meeting: no names
ThisIsDark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:28:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually that's pretty funny. Can be played as a very good icebreaker.
McFagle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:23:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Is your name Mater, too?"
SilentEngineer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this! I met a professor at my college in his office, and introduced myself by his name.
heidoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this far too often in the phone.
"Hello, this is Bob--nope, scratch that: you're Bob, this is Harry."
lydocia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:20:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I often do that on the phone. "Hi this is Tim. I mean, hi Tim, this is Amy. Friday afternoon, am I right?"
paraworldblue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:24:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a time, I think in middle school, when a friend had a birthday party at a big climbing wall. I was pretty far up the wall and the instructor/belay guy shouted up to me asking "what's your name?" but I heard "what's her name" and figured he was asking me the name of my friend's sister who was standing next to him. It never crossed my mind that that would be an insane thing for him to do, so I shouted back her name.
astro143 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend start an interview by saying "hi, I'm you!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh goodness, this sounds just like me cringe
LovelyTeapot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:36 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread of comments gave me the best laugh I've had in a long time. I love you all
howivewaited ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:21 on November 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao, i had a similar incident. I was at starbucks and ordering a drink for my boyfriend at the time who was outside, when the cashier asked for my name i accidentally said his name - because it was his drink. Im a girl and his name was Frank, it was the most awkward pause ever
carverthekid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:38:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wish you would have given the story a little flair and said that you said "Oh, mine too. What a coincidence" or some shit.
waferpepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hope u both have a same name...
ChronoPsyche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so sorry for your cringe.
raechuuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Sam Sparks, I'm America!
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would of been funnier if you went over discussing his life story
xl_cr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dying
kpc45 ยท 23270 points ยท Posted at 16:50:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran into a past coworker at a bus depot, had nothing really to talk about and it got awkward fast. A bus came and the guy said this is me, it was the one I was waiting for too but I didn't get on cause what the hell would happen if I did. Made it worse as he got on I said drive safe.
LevelSevenLaserLotus ยท 10543 points ยท Posted at 20:19:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Own that shit and they'll usually assume you're joking.
Edit: Relevant Brian Regan - You Too, And Stuff
PaulyWithADolly ยท 2779 points ยท Posted at 22:48:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take...luck!
Shutupmeg3 ยท 1285 points ยท Posted at 23:19:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no! Words are coming out!
paintbing ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 01:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know when to say the you too phrase
xRedSquare ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 01:50:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a nice flight.
FUNgicid3 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:37:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YOU TOO! TAKE.. LUCK!
PM_ME_YOUR_LUKEWARM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent a lot of Monet in Paris
SuperPotatoThrow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:35:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy the movie.
JDWright85 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:12:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When's the BABY DUE!?!
eph3merous ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:34:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How's that b-BAYYYBY DOIN? BAYBAYYYYY
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:48:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What baby?
hauuuuuughhhhh
PM_ME_YOUR_LUKEWARM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Carolyn
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's Caroline. It's CarolINE, Brian.
oxygenfrank ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:36:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have drive!
Aztec_Hooligan ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:57:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Says good bye in sign language
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:11:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
has speech impediment in sign language
crashdoc ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:38:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!"
IAmTheAccident ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:35:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You like that, you fucking retard?
crashdoc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:01:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you gotta own it completely at that point I reckon - never breaking eye contact for good measure
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:29:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uggghhhh I'm so akward.
Anyways. Back to my crippling social anxiety.
gbroox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not thinking what is it!?
holdencawffle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pick up that spaghetti
Kellogsbeast ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 00:34:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YOU TOO.
Sammweeze ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 00:43:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When's the - BABY due? BAYBAYYYY
dlm04e ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 00:51:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THE BIG YELLOW ONE IS THE SUN!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:48:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a cup o dirt
biogirl52 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:19:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot about this. Bwahahahaha.
biogirl52 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 00:32:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brian Regan <3
BrotherPaul1993 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:50:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MAAAANSLAUGHTER
ThatOneGuyfromMN25 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:03:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family and I would listen to this album on road trips. Everything is great about it.
biogirl52 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awwwwww. Same. I have a soft spot in my heart for clean comedy, it was stuff I got to listen and share with my parents. I had to hide my dirty David Cross stuff though x.x
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:13:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take luck and care for the luck you may have when you take care of it!
StonedRamblings ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:21:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is exactly what I wanted to see! Thank you.
vamoose_adios ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 00:14:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I'll see you then or I'll see you at another time!"
KrackerJoe ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:02:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too!
TheTravis13 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:28:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BRYVOL7Q!!
biogirl52 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:37:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT'S BRYYYYOONNN
strangrdangr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:03:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at my name tag. It's long.
pm-me-ur-hanggliders ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:31:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waiter: Enjoy your food. Dan: You TOOOOO
Strictly_Baked ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:14:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take care of luck! I'm an idiot.
PaulyWithADolly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Embicillen
1_Non_Blonde ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:51:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck taking care of the luck that you might have. TAKE GOOD CARE LUCK OF IT.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:01:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have it, take it, care for it.
white_android ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:13:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what a tard
ellamenopee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:54:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I put your post from 999 to 1k...been on this site for 7y and Iโve never done that. Thank you!
P.S. take care of the luck you might have!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:40:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY???
Motherterrysa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:00:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're gettin' snow cones! Even if you play half game! You get a whole cone!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:46:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grape! Or cherry. They're both favorites. Grape is a little more favorite. But they're both good! They're both good.
sydleismith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:49:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So long since I've even thought about Brian Regan. Solid reference.
jamesallen1155 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:29:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You toooooooo!
TheDeepFryar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:34:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The panda! AT THE ZOO!
WizardsVengeance ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:36:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And care. Take care of the luck you might have, if you have luck. Take it. Care for it.
IsomDart ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:26:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha Brian Regan. I read it just how he said it
spluge96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:20:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good...care!
dctosf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Care for it!
Dathouen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bing..Pot!
randypaine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too!
Grillard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hehe thanks, me, too.
Brass_and_Frass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take luck and...care!
Kfey93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck taking care of the luck if you have it!
Dreamcast3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me too thanks
Wetald ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take care of the luck you may be having!
comehomedarling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TAKE CARE OF THE LUCK IF YOU MEED IT!
savageboredom ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 23:34:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I accidentally said it to a friend once as I was leaving his house.
"You know... next time. It's just good advice in general."
It's become a thing and we say it all the time now.
redworm ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:42:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I say it to friends I drop off at the airport.
OldManPhill ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 23:06:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who was awkward and is now slightly less awkward, this is the correct solution to MOST situations
Max_Trollbot_ ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:25:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who's been a fearless jackass most of his life, this is always the correct thing to do.
GinjaNinger ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. One time my dad hit the call button instead of the send button at the bank. When the teller asked if there was anything else, instead of admitting to the mistake, he said, "yeah, make it snappy."
I'm glad it was a bank and not fast food.
cailihphiliac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what are call and send buttons and why does a bank have them?
GinjaNinger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:39:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the drive thru, the machines use pneumatic tubes to move items from the customer to the teller. The call Burton alerts the teller. The send button sends the little carrier tube.
An example
Yerboogieman ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:45:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever someone says they gotta go to work, I always reply "Have fun". I do it on purpose. Its sarcastic because people don't usually have fun at work, and serious because I'm basically telling them to have a good day.
milkfree ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:28:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heโs still holding his face in his hands
Trevorisabox ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:49:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The majority of this thread could be easily solved by not spazzing out and panicing.
fallout52389 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:47:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me when I went to a diner and this girl got my drinks before the waitress and as she's leaving she says enjoy your meal!. I go and reply thanks you too!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:35:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good thanks
SockMonkeyLove ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:46:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Enjoy the movie".
"Thanks, you too".
Kaden3 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:18:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Whatever you say, stone cold Steve Austin!"
"Why did I just say that, it doesn't make any sense. Whatever, gotta stand by it."
SchwiftyGameOnPoint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you.
jimjim1992 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:48:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If there's someone behind me when I go through an automatic door I'll say, "don't worry, I got that for you" many weird looks are had
mxyzptlk99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:24:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The moment when you board a bus in an attempt to hijack it but your coworker busted you before the attempt
yomandenver ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:41:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enjoy your meal! You too!
Heruuna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:15:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, for the longest time I had never said anything like that. I always thought how dumb it was for people to slip up so easily. Then, in the span of two months, I said "Love You" to a cashier when I meant to say "Lovely, thank you", "You Too" to a waiter telling me to enjoy my meal, and "Have Fun" to a friend that was going to a clinic in another state for surgery for melanoma.
It's finally catching up to me! Make it stop!
CanuckianOz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:45:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta wink as you say it!
Black_jello ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I worked at the airport I would wait at the plane door to see if any carry ons needed to go in to the cargo hold for lack of space in the cabin. As people would walk past me to board I would say "Have a good flight" 75% of the people would turn and say "thanks, you too." Some realized what they had said and had an awkward giggle, others just kept on moving .
D_Man10579 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the actual difference between confidence and awkwardness that everyone forgets. Just own that shit and everyone laughs.
Note- this definitely has its limits
Historiaaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:39:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?
Nightguard119 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Been there a few times
veryalias ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:20:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lost it at "My name is BRANNAMANANA!!!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:48:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to maintain an aura of confusion so that everything I say might be a joke
ManyMuchMoosen16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:51:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello
hamilc19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:19:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I do it all the time. Phone a customer then say thanks for calling before hanging up. Hang my head then me and my colleagues end up in stitches laughing
pwntiuspilat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:53:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was made fun of for pretty much everything in middle school.
I pronounced marijuana "mary-joo-annah" one time, and nobody corrected me and nobody teased me about it. I thought "that was decent of them, that one time"
In retrospect they probably thought I was being ironic.
sydleismith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:48:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brian Regan is great. So pumped for his new Netflix special! It's been years!
samprincer786 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too late to the party. Buried.
Once while taking my ride out from my parking space, some random guy on his bike asked me whether I was parking or taking it out. I said out. And said Bye while I drove away.
pwntiuspilat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was made fun of for pretty much everything in middle school.
I pronounced marijuana "mary-joo-annah" one time, and nobody corrected me and nobody teased me about it. I thought "that was decent of them, that one time"
In retrospect they probably thought I was being ironic.
paraworldblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PLOT TWIST: He's even more awkward than you and hijacks the bus so as to not break your expectations
Diels_Alder ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:48:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The person who says that it's not the person who says it jokingly.
KennyFulgencio ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:30:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what
what
chrisslypuff ยท 139 points ยท Posted at 20:09:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so endearing, I just want to hug you.
Mooide ยท 465 points ยท Posted at 20:22:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you'd have said "drive safe" to me whilst I was getting on a bus I'd have just thought you were being witty.
DeathsIntent96 ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 21:33:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely think there's a way to say that where it'd obviously be awkward instead of intentional.
pragmatics_only ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:47:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Without a specific smirk or a wink it will not work.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:20:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or a dead serious face like his life depends on it
takes longer to realize it's a joke, but makes it funnier imo
pragmatics_only ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! I'd say the smirk/wink would have better success among people you're not close with but a good friend will be on the same wavelength for the stone-face approach.
grundalug ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:40:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of things that garner laughs for me irl are situations like that.
SimbaOnSteroids ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about "use ur road rage if you have too"
TheScumAlsoRises ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:35:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you American?
Mooide ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:39:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scottish why?
TheScumAlsoRises ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:51:05 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good to hear.
For some reason there has been this plague recently of Americans using the word โwhilstโ instead of โwhile.โ
Iโve also noticed a lot of Americans are putting the dollar sign after the numeral when writing about American dollars (like 5$ instead of the correct $5). Itโs Like they are writing about euros or are simply writing dollar amounts out like they sound phonetically (which gives the impression that theyโve never read and havenโt seen dollar amounts listed on paper.)
Mooide ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:11:16 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure I understand. Is that not the correct usage of "whilst"? Or is your problem merely with Americans using it at all?
nuclearbunker ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 23:18:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it wasn't his bus, he was just trying to get out of the situation as quick as possible
TheTigerMaster ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 00:53:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elsewhere ITT: โI ran into a past coworker at a bus depot, had nothing really to talk about and it got awkward fast. A bus came and I said โthis is meโ. It really wasnโt the one I was waiting for, but I got on cause what the hell would happen if I waited at this bus stop with him for five more minutes. What made it worse was that asI got on, he said โdrive safeโ.
lemonfluff ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 22:41:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This whole thread is like a bad sitcom. I love it.
carsncode ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:57:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP is a screenwriter looking for new material.
lemonfluff ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:23:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would watch it.
deep_fried_pbr ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 23:48:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: he was waiting for a different bus, but took the first one to escape the situation.
kpc45 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:51:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somewhere in this thread will be that guy talking how he got on the wrong bus cause of an awkward conversation with a past coworker
meinheinz ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:58:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what smartphones and reddit are for...
theytookmyvcard ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:57:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently 1am on 5% smartphone, can confirm
svesrujm ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:50:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one actually makes sense to me, and is something I could see myself doing.
JustDaz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:03:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg I can't laughing at this lol
fearswindowlessdoors ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:06:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this same type of thing, except (presumably..) worse, in that the stop we were standing at only serviced one bus route.
dopemafia ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:30:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This Is beautiful
hellogoawaynow ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:56:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ride the train every day and so do several coworkers I barely know... this happens constantly. Iโve started just showing up to the train wearing headphones and nodding hello, then when we all get off I just slowly fall to the back of the group.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:13:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve done this before but with walking the same way. You run into someone and it turns out after youโve talked for a moment that theyโre going the same way as you...so you turn around and go the opposite way
Kahne_Fan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:42:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Restaurant server: enjoy your food
Me: you too! ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
Gordonsan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:58:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you from England?
kpc45 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:00:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian
Gordonsan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:05:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So close. The politeness etiquette is so close between the two. That awkward shame politeness is hilarious. If Americans were even slightly alike I would love it.
John-Bastard-Snow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian its polite, English it's just awkward
JensonInterceptor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw a woman on the London underground with half her skirt tucked into the back of her knickers. Nobody told her cos that would be awkward and embarrass her..
Oxcart_STL ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:37:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL DRIVE SAFE
testsubject23 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:39:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was kinda did the opposite. I had recently moved and was going to school and needed to change buses. There was a guy in my class I wasnโt really friends with also waiting, and when a bus turned up that seemed to be the wrong one I saw him get on and followed instead of thinking for myself. After a couple minutes he asked why I was there. Turns out he was skipping school that day.
To make it worse, it was on the way to an exam and I was a bit late because of that and did shitty. And that guy just skipped it, got a doctors note, and got an automatic average score that was higher than mine
525600Pepes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last line reminds me of The Great Escape. โGood luck!โ
brush_between_meals ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:59:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me he said "You too."
dopemafia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:13:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to give you gold but idk how, this comment literally has made me day.
kpc45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:14:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol glad I could make your day!
hemeny123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:25:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waiter: Enjoy your meal. You too!
Mv630 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:46:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me when someone says "Have a good workout" or "have a nice dinner" and I automatically say "you too" since I'm used to the usual of being told to have a good day.
wannabeemperor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:47:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delivery Driver: "Enjoy your food!" Me: "Thanks, you too!"
Every time.
biogirl52 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me almost every single day. Headphones, my friend.
buttlickers94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite
โhappy birthday!โ
โHey you too!โ
gshrikant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a bus-related one too! I use the bus to commute to University and back. You need to yank a cord to ask the driver to stop at your stop. Once the driver forgot the open the rear doors when I needed to get down at my stop.
Usually youโd shout out to ask them to open the back door but I was too awkward to do that in a bus full of people. I waited for the next stop and got down there. It was 3 stops away from where I had to get down.
gtnover ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't even his, he just couldn't do small talk any longer.
plexomaniac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:48:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing but on subway. Then, after saying I was not getting this one, I noticed we were at a line that all trains go to the same destination. Had to improvise and say I accidentally was on the wrong side. It didn't help either.
ThriftAllDay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The drive safe part makes it
GruesomeCola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:32:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's post like these which make me think that a writer could totally steal stories from reddit and make a sitcom.
FeatheredSun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooooo...ouch.
Soundtravels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These stories are killing me. The end of yours... Lmfao
Mooperboops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do the same thing. Yuck.
notgod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best in the thread is between this and old cotton ball ass. holy shit this thread is amazing.
jimlaheyandrandy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a scene from a Paul Rudd movie.
xosellc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this like twice a month
JohnEffingZoidberg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did he reply "you too!"?
oliveriden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ok bye!
3-DMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Enjoy your movie sir." "You too!"
iberg226 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: he got on the wrong bus to end the awkwardness.
bestallen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't u say "Happy new year" ......? xDDDDD
yuzedo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bus came by and I got on that's where it all began
NotTheKindOfGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this shit all the time. Fucking small talk man. I'd rather walk.
bstampl1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This makes me cringe and want to die
Nat_Uchiha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's moments like these that I ask God to kill me
Daemonblackfyre0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has the thought occurred to you, that it wasn't his bus either?
Fitzy_boi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drive safe.
Hahahahahahahhaahaha!
Thanks man, that gave me a good chuckle, you are a good man.
Cerebelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the same thing kind of... if Im leaving class with a classmate, once we've said goodbye, I'll go the opposite way as them so I won't feel weird about saying goodbye yet still walking alongside them. Even if that's the way I need to go.
Brennandez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha wow i actually pissed at this
jug_headjones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something like this once
Raincoats_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran into a friend of a friend in the airport waiting for a plane back home. I really only barely knew her but you have to be nice. I assume it's going to be just a quick chat but then of course we are on the same plane and she sits with me. It's horrifically awkward because at the time I had massive social anxiety and I'm just praying to get on the plane because there's no way we will sit together.
When they are calling zones I jump up as soon as I'm called since it's a shitty excuse to move. I board and think all is well. Then here she comes and sits in a seat directly in front of me. Oh but it's better. Because on this particular plane the front most seat actually faces backwards. We spend the entire flight locked in place staring at each other..
KawiNinjaZX ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need professional help.
kpc45 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:51:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm aware
lotsofdicksweat ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:30:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't. You're one of us.
And do we look like we need professional help??
AwayHeThrows1989 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:43:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's really only awkward because you said "drive safe" instead of the grammatically correct salutation "drive safely"
AwayHeThrows1989 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's really only awkward because you said "drive safe" instead of the grammatically correct salutation "drive safely"
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:46:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo pu sound mentally retarded
AwayHeThrows1989 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 01:43:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's really only awkward because you said "drive safe" instead of the grammatically correct salutation "drive safely"
i_have_no_asshole ยท 5905 points ยท Posted at 20:22:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a huge bite of donut right before someone asked me a question during a work meeting. Instead of waiting or holding up a finger to say 'just a moment,' I tried to swallow it and started choking to death.
Edit: I did eventually stop choking to death.
Twwoo39 ยท 2395 points ยท Posted at 22:27:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs a good thing you didnโt finish choking to death!
Hammer_jones ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 03:41:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people say he's still choking to this day
Manos_Of_Fate ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:41:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For example, /u/drabmaestro, 2 comments down.
Colonel_Coffee ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:02:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what, he is playing for team liquid?
myps3brokeYo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:17:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The legend has it, the chocking never stoped
Moedig25 ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 22:47:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, I found this amusing
drabmaestro ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:44:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heโs still choking to this day
jordz0178 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:37:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's still going.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:48:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boss with finishing move remark: "Based on your performance, I predicted you couldn't even finish choking to death. So I wasn't worried."
smoothpops ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:44:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He never finishes what he starts. It's why his career stalled
Scary-Brandon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:11:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some say he's still choking to death to this day
GedsDead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine all the lives that could have been saved throughout history if only we'd known.
Voi69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, I feel like he missed a really breathtaking experience...
AliveByLovesGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it's not. By living he increases his carbon footprint. My grandkids will need to breath too, asshole! /s
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very competitive.
If it's a race, I'm going to win.
leohm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or is it...?
icantbenormal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. It would've ruined the meeting.
Ix_KyLe_xP ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 01:18:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can just imagine your face going bright red from nearly dying lol
i_have_no_asshole ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:12:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to leave the room so I could choke in peace. Ended up in the bathroom puking up half the donut.
PsychSpace ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's so scary/funny
broom_slap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:29:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's an interesting combination
good-titrations ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:28:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to think that most of the posts in this thread have been written from beyond the grave
EchoEmpire ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:56:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a movie theater and we could munch on left over food so I was eating a pretzel bite right as a customer walked up to my vending stand and I didn't wanna chew in front of them so I like swallowed this pretzel bite almost whole. It went down rough.
ChaseAlmighty ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:25:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't leave us hanging, did you die?
i_have_no_asshole ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:10:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet, but here's hoping!
DiamondPickle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:08:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is too good! Hahah
thatswhatversed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:53:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CRYING
illneverforget2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:51:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying , that's hysterical
The_Ion_Shake ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:58:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the time I had some gum in my mouth and someone called me into a meeting and I sat there with this gum wedged up by my teeth the whole time, barely talking so they didn't notice, while the mint flavour burned a hole in my gums.
Eventually I was had to excuse myself.
8bitzawad ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:16:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, u/i_have_no_asshole , what are your suggestions on snacks for the new vending machines downstairs?
"UHDM HOELD OOIN LEAAMME THGNF!!!!!!"
"um are you choking?"
"YESHEE TAHATWW FERECUSING OBVEIEOUSS SOMEEONE HEEEAASLP MEEAEE!!!!!!!!"
"Youre fucking fired effective immediately"
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:16:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had this happen on more than one occasion.
hobbitbutts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The โto deathโ part made me laugh pretty hard.
5redrb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One way to get out of a meeting.
happydayswasgreat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:31:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, death by donut. That age ole work place hazard.
Criticalmak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How long have you been choking exactly?
raybaroune ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:48:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn... thanks man. The whole first class of the Deutsche Bahn is laughing with me. I can't hold myself anymore.. that was absolutely awesome.
hayleyburke4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:00:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only comment that made me literally laugh out loud. Not even a nose exhale. I literally laughed. Sorry for laughing at your misfortune but that was funny.
leadabae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:19:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coworker: well fine if you really didn't want to talk that bad...
illuminati_batman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:47 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment is the only one that made me laugh out loud, if i was rich i would give you gold.
Big_TX ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:49:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you poop ?
GENITAL_MUTILATOR ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:14:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is an odd and non relevant question...but now that you have asked OP better deliver.
Zarlem ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
see OP's username.
i_have_no_asshole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:17:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good question!
kcounts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At first I thought you meant you took the bite because someone asked you a question and you didn't want to answer it. That works too
50gangwitme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I choked to death reading this
AstroZamz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you died?
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:18:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect.
MrStripes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you die?
darlini ยท 2888 points ยท Posted at 18:21:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My work friend and I were working on a sort of secret project in a big closet that's behind a conference room. We were almost finished when people started filing into the room, so we quietly closed the door and continued working, figuring it would be a quick meeting. Five minutes pass, ten minutes pass, and oops! Now we're in too deep and can't leave without it being awkward. We were in there for nearly an hour before my friend finally gives up and opens the door to the room. We profusely apologize to our coworkers for interrupting as they sit there stunned. Of course instead of just being people we knew who we could laugh it off with, there were a couple of people visiting from one of our international offices and some of our international vendors. They probably think it's standard for the US branch to stuff younger employees in a closet now.
ferrettt55 ยท 755 points ยท Posted at 22:22:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you explained yourselves instead of letting them think you were doing who-knows-what with each other in there...?
darlini ยท 568 points ยท Posted at 23:46:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt think we did, actually...too busy talking over each other saying โSORRYWEWEREBACKTHEREANDDIDNTWANTTOBOTHERYOUSORRYSORRYSORRY!โ
Hawkens007 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:14:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you brightened everyone's day in the conference room.
JadedReprobate ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:23:32 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So that's what Brad Pitt was about to tell George Clooney... I've always wondered.
allthewayfucked ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:08:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, you're Canadian then?
Mstinos ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 08:37:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"we were just working on uh.. a ehm... secret project"
combatonly ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:28:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly what I was thinking
HandleWithCarrots ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:34:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, this is how I read the post:
shinarit ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 08:56:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think stuffing employees is kinda self explanatory. They... stuffed each other.
zpuma ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:46:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They explained(or pitched) the offices new ingenious Closet Building Coworker training to increase cooperative teamwork! รinstant promotions!ร
Nmanga90 ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 23:09:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They thought y'all were making out
Bananawamajama ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 13:50:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still think that, seeing as OP never explained what the "project" was
elmerjstud ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 22:41:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope they weren't of the opposite gender...this whole scenario is way too suspicious for people to believe your alibi even if it is true.
darlini ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 23:50:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear GOD! I didnโt even think about that. Weโre both ladies but she is bi so that might have been suspected. Oh well!
enderverse87 ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 00:15:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh, "In the closet"
Evanort ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:20:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coming out of the closet indeed
Mstinos ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:38:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did a lot of guys offer help with you "secret project" after that moment?
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 22:50:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am crying! Iโm sorry for your embarrassment , but the image thatโs in my head is hilarious!
CFA_Nutso_Futso ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:52:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So why were you working in a closet in the first place?
darlini ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 23:44:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The โsecret projectโ was decorations for a surprise birthday thing for our boss and we didnโt want her to see. The closet is actually bigger than the meeting room FWIW.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:16:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yea corporate buildings have weird-ass layouts, sometimes those secluded rooms are useful for secret
trystsmeetingsutried_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:13:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably thought you were fooling around to be honest.
eeyore102 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:28:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband and I did this, only it was the costume shop of our undergrad theater office and I was giving him a bj.
luntcips ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:20:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Working"?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:35:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, we already think that American workers are exploited!
13entley222 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, isn't it???
b008c ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So that's how you came out of the closet.
iEpidemics ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:23:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably were thinking you two were having "sexy times" and decided to come out. Probably make their meeting less boring.
verybadmilkshake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R kelly?
Yazer9977 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:48 on April 7, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
That's the funniest thing I've ever read online. I know this subs dead, but I had to let you know
hahaixusjskjaakkaak ยท 7050 points ยท Posted at 16:03:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 5 or 6 I was playing at a friend's house outside and I was too nervous to ask to use the bathroom (plus I had never gone inside their house) so I peed my pants and left without saying anything lol.
AntTheMighty ยท 2383 points ยท Posted at 16:30:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friends did this exact thing! She suddenly had to leave for some reason and later I found our couch soaked in urine. Felt bad for her.
Enigma_1376 ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 02:34:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a mates place with a group of about 8 of us and we were playing a board game of some sort laughing and joking. Mid laugh one of the girls just stopped and said everyone had to leave the room. She called the host back in... who after a few mins called us back in.. both she and the chair were missing.
We felt bad for her and all agreed to not bring it up again... so of course it randomly comes up and we all piss ourselves laughing.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 08:26:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice to see some solidarity.
[deleted] ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 16:35:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How old was she when this happened? Poor girl ahah
AntTheMighty ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 17:53:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was about 11-12 but she was my other friends younger sister so she was probably 8-9. Shit happens when you're young.
[deleted] ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 19:27:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
piss too made it before any one else stole my karma
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:28:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
EnclanWilks ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:26:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what context?
SilenceOfTheLambchop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What
almondania ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might be a good thing to remember if I have kids and their friends are over. Always be welcoming and let them know where the bathroom is
blhoward2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:01:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel worse for your parents. How would you even go about removing that much urine from a couch?
cerberdoodle ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 16:42:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is "her" the friend or the couch?
IShotTheSheriffAMA ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 22:19:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The friend, obviously. Stop asking shitty questions in an attempt to get internet points.
rbreen124 ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 22:52:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the urine soaked couch
RustyCraftKnife ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:40:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The side soaked with piss?
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 00:37:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SpatiallyRendering ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:00:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like you should take another attempy at typing that.
-fno-stack-protector ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 01:32:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the crime side, the new york times side
Dreamcast3 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:32:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No Fun Allowed
Ninjatroiiii ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 00:04:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This man speaks the truth
ManicScumCat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:52:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would piss me off
AWisZOO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't tell if that is a pun or not.
JohnEffingZoidberg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you two know each other?
Suvtropics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same. 3 times over a span of 3 years in school.
obeyaasaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like Tina belcher.
waferpepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at the age of 5 or 6!
harumin24 ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 19:07:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG I had something really similar. I never really had good control of my bladder, so when I had to go, I HAD TO GO. Unfortunately, I just so happened to be on the trampoline with my friend when the urge hit. I often tried to sit on my heel to get it under control, but my friend thought I was just playing a game. I was too embarrassed to tell her I needed to pee, so she proceeded to jump near me in an attempt to get me to fall over.
I ended up pissing myself, and a small puddle was left where I had been sitting. I was happy that I didn't have to go anymore, until the unthinkable happened. My friend though, for some ungodly reason, that there just so happened to be a puddle of plain water where I had been sitting. She then decided to show me how much she enjoyed JUMPING IN AND LANDING ON A PUDDLE OF WATER THAT WAS ACTUALLY MY PEE. Like, full on jumping towards it and landing with her ass in my shame.
I left for home almost immediately, but when I confessed to my dad what had happened, he decided to punish me by making me go back and clean it up myself. So traumatized little me had to knock on their door, admit to both my friend and her mother exactly what happened, and clean up their trampoline by myself while they watched.
Didn't help my bladder control though.
Silkkiuikku ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 20:32:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck was your dad thinking?
harumin24 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:05:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk, I guess it was supposed to be a punishment. I mean, he couldn't just let me think it was okay to piss on someone else's trampoline, but it's not like I learned a
"valuable life lesson"that day.wibbswobbs ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:38:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was your friends reaction to this? Did you remain friends? Did she tell anyone? I have so many questions lol
harumin24 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:07:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't recall her reaction. I feel like I avoided all eye contact at the time, and probably waited a while before seeing her again. We were like, five or six years old at the time, so things like this were quickly forgiven and we stayed friends until I moved away (we were next-door neighbors). I have no idea who all knows besides myself, and I hope nobody else involved remember.
chickeneggcheese ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:10:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THIS HAS HAPPENED TO ON A TRAMPOLINE BEFORE!!!
harumin24 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:14:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG you too? I want to hear the full story!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:17:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
harumin24 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:23:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm mostly surprised that you also did the heel sitting thing. My sister's the only other person I've seen do that. I hope your friend didn't bounce in it though, lol.
chickeneggcheese ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:24:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was the only one who did that too ๐ Iโve done it many times, which probably isnโt good... because I got myself into a lot of awkward situations. I donโt remember them bouncing in it though hahaha
harumin24 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:27:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember being IN A BATHROOM but not being able to make it to the stalls, so I just sat on my foot right behind the door. And adult came in and I just lied through my teeth like "yeah I'm just hiding here. No I don't want to move."
chickeneggcheese ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:29:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw no way! Iโve been in a bathroom before and had to sit down on my heel in the cubicle..... hashtag weakbladderprobs. Hashtag onekidneyworkingprobs
-SSB- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:40:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only have one kidney too! Except I'm a dude and sitting on my heel only works for when I gotta poop. When I'm I about to pee and can't make it to a stall I just urinate in my underwear a little and try to make the rest in a urinal/stall๐ it's terrible but whatever keeps me from completely wetting my pants, ig.
harumin24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any kidney issues, and was able to grow out of the habit. Do you still do it since you have only one kidney?
chickeneggcheese ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:10:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I have both but one of them only works 20% so itโs practically dead to me because it barely does itโs job. I donโt do it anymore as itโs nowhere near as bad as it was when I was a child!
Kindofaniceguy ยท 179 points ยท Posted at 17:05:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A true Irish goodbye
BionicleGarden ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 20:18:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I had a friend who was like the exact opposite. We had rode our bikes like a mile away from my house, and he had to pee really badly. Instead of holding it until we rode back to my house, he knocked on the door of SOME RANDOM PERSON's house and asked if he could use their bathroom. And they fucking let him.
cantfindtheacidhouse ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:23:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this when I was 9. I was at my friend's gran's house with a couple of other people and we were playing baseball in the garden. I had the misfortune of not knowing I needed the toilet until the absolute last minute but I was too shy to ask to use the toilet so I ended up peeing myself. My friend took me to the toilet and then made me roll up my trousers and sit in the sun to get them to dry off. I wish I'd just asked to use the loo cause drying urine soaked jeans in the sun isn't all that fun.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:43:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing on a six flags ride when I was about 7. I was with a friendโs family and didnโt want to tell them I had to go to the bathroom, so I just peed my pants on the ride and pretended I had sat in some liquid when they pointed it out. I sat on my legs the whole way home so I wouldnโt get pee on their car.
bomnjom ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:24:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar when I was a kid. :( Looking back on that made me realize I've had some social anxiety for a long time now.
LeeAdama007 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:06:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this exact thing multiple times in first grade, I was just too nervous to ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom. So embarrassing
giggitygoo123 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:38:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Supposedly I did it so much that the school nurse had like 4 different outfits for me that my mom brought in.
girlshaped_lovedrug ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:30:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar, but unfortunately I had to poop. I suggested a game of hide and seek, squatted behind a bush and took a dump right in the yard. My friend's little brother saw me do it and called me out in front of everyone. So embarrassing. I had blocked it out of my memory completely before reading this.
AlwaysSupport ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:17:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar issue when I was about 14 and hanging out at a friend's place. For some reason I was too embarrassed to admit that I needed to use the bathroom, and just made up some dumb excuse for why I had to leave.
He noticed me doing the pee-pee dance and was like "Uh, the bathroom's right there." But I doubled down, insisted that I didn't have to use the bathroom, and just left. Speed-walked to the nearby grocery store, emptied my bladder, and went home.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:41:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you rather pee in a public bathroom then your friends
daisy_lurker ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 17:18:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was maybe 9 or 10, with my mom and brother at a friends house. Their only bathroom door didn't have a lock, so I knocked and thought I heard the dad respond saying he were in there. I waited and waited, finally just ran outside and peed my pants in the backyard.
I somehow managed to find my mom without anyone noticing and we hightailed it out of there. Later found out the dad wasn't even home, no one was in the bathroom.
pupperonan ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 18:12:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate when people shut their bathroom doors when no one is in there! At my house, we never locked our bathroom doors, and closed door = occupied. So as a shy kid that hated knocking, I had so much anxiety about going to the bathroom at other people's houses.
yerebelstale ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:00:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family had the same system. Had an ex who would CONSTANTLY walk in on me using the bathroom without knocking, because ex's family all locked their bathroom door when it's in use.
klye7952 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:17:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo! I did that once, too. Except it was at my
boss'sdad's boss's house, and I was like ten, and I was inside playing with his daughter, and I had to run through the house with wet sweatpants to find my dad to tell him I needed to go home...Edit: dad's boss's, not boss's dad's
Blue-Star ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:46:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you mean dads boss
klye7952 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:53:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. Yup I do... Boss's dad's would've been waaaay worse.
rootberryfloat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:04:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My daughter did this at school about two weeks ago. She's in kindergarten, and she was too afraid to ask to use the bathroom, so she just peed her pants. Then she was too afraid to tell her teacher she peed her pants, so she sat in wet pants all day. Let me tell you how great she smelled when she came home.
trashsepticeye ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:43:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me once, in class. Let me start this by saying: Conveniently, in elementary, everytime I had to use the bathroom, we would be in line going to or from somewhere and we would always take bathroom breaks as a class. So I literally never had to ask a teacher if I could use the bathroom. Up until now.
So I was in the first grade at this time. And we were in art class coloring or drawing or something. The art teacher was doing something at her desk. She didn't look too busy, but I had never ever asked to go to the bathroom before.
I was really nervous that my classmates would watch me walk up to her and stuff. So I just waited until everyone was completely busy and then I walked up to the teacher's desk, and I asked her if I could use the bathroom. I don't know if she didn't hear me or if she didn't see me, or if she even answered me, because she didn't look up from whatever she was doing nor did I hear her answer. I was too shy to ask again so I acted like I was throwing something in the trash can (which was right beside her desk) and then I went back to my seat.
I tried so hard to hold it in until the end of the class because I knew that on the way back to our real classroom, we would be stopping by the bathrooms. But my 7-year-old bladder couldn't handle it. I burst. I just peed in my seat. When I was done, I tried to soak up as much pee as I could with my butt/back of my pants. For the rest of the class, I was basically just sitting in my own pee. When the class was over, I took off the jacket I was wearing and tied it around my waist to hide the wetness on my pants. To this day, I have no idea if anyone noticed or smelled it.
edredrex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:19:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar story from when I was 5 or 6. Teacher was explaining something to us about different shapes and colors and the whole class was listening to her attentively. I had to pee extremely bad but was way too nervous to ask because it was so quiet and I would have to interrupt the teacher and then everyone would know. Only after I had started to pee myself in my seat I raised my hand and said I needed to use the bathroom. She said I could go, I started crying whilst peeing and sobbed it was too late already. Good thinking little me, way less awkward than interrupting the teacher.
generaltrom ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:59:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup I did this once. I was at a very rich friend's house so I wasn't sure if I would be allowed to use the bathroom. Pissed myself, all my friends saw me do it, and I just left.
Worst part was I still wet the bed at the time and for some reason the next day I didn't feel like changing out of my dry pull-ups and went to hang out with the same friends. The topic of underwear came up for no reason, they all showed theirs and made me show mine... Then proceeded to mercilessly make fun of me.. I didn't go back for a long time. Surprised I even went back that day.
barefootlittlegirl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:46:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when I was in kindergarten. I had such social anxiety that one time when we had a substitute teacher, I was so afraid to ask if I could use the potty that I just peed my pants...
TwinPeaksandSunny ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:12:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. One time I went to my grandma's third husband's mom's house (yeah, that's a mouthful) and I went to pee but there was a bunch of gross looking shit in the toilet and instead of flushing the toilet and going about my business, I left the bathroom and peed my pants while sitting on the porch. Then got in my grandma's car and she yelled at me when we got home.
kaseythedragon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:49:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this the first day of first grade !!! I was such a shy kid and I couldn't hold it anymore so I just peed right there at my desk ๐ซ the kid next to me was like wtffff lol
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:32:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy repressed flashback. I just remembered the first time I wore these new jeans in second grade. Anyway, after lunch I really had to go to the bathroom. So I took the pass and I went to do my business. Well, being 8, I couldnโt figure out the fly. I donโt know if the zipper was stuck or I was just helpless. I couldnโt do it. So I went back to class and it was reading time. The teacher was reading and we were all at our desks and she was walking around the room.
Well, I really had to go. So I did. And I couldnโt stop. And I felt the warmth in my crotch and running down my leg. I was paralyzed with fear. I gripped my desk and it just kept coming. And the puddle in my chair got deeper while my face was turning fire shades of red. Then it started overflowing and streaming on the floor.
While I sat there frozen in shame and confusion, my teacher, or maybe Jesus Christ herself, somehow noticed (could have been the growing puddle or the fact that one of her students looked like he was being electrocuted by his desk) and asked the girl, Emma, next to me to start reading. In one motion she leaned down and put her hand on the back of my chair, whispered โgo to the nurseโ and as I stood moved my chair into the hall while simultaneously correcting Emma on the correct pronunciation of โletโs.โ As I bee lined for the door my friend Alex asked me what was wrong and I mumbled โI-donโt feel good.โ Made it to the nurse undetected and hung out in her back room for a couple hours waiting for my dad to bring in a change of clothes. Forever in debt to both Mrs. Wilson and Nurse Jane. When I returned to class not a single kid was the wiser. Amazing stuff.
Side note, after that I became really close with Nurse Jane (as close as an elementary student can be) and eventually met her daughter in middle school. We became really close friends and dated towards the end of high school/beginning of college, and spent a lot of time with her family. Didnโt last but we stayed really close. We both moved away but visited/stayed with one another when I was on a road trip and needed a place to crash, and when she was visiting the city I now live. Attended her backyard wedding last summer and smoked a few doobies with Nurse Jane behind their barn. Great people.
Nathan_Arizona_Jr ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:09:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know all the cool kids are doing that these days!
Obleos_Point ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this exact same thing when I was around that age. My dad was working on a couple's car we knew from church. I tagged along. They set me up in a wooden chair in front of the tv. I was too shy to ask where the bathroom was so eventually I just let it go... weirdly my dad didn't notice until he saw me get out of the car at home with my tshirt pulled down to my knees. So nonchalant...
archepelego2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:27:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fourth grade I moved from a nice school with great teachers to one with horrible teachers. My teacher was the worst I've ever met. One day I had to pee really bad (I was born with a small bladder) and she was standing outside the class where I couldn't see her and I was too scared to get up to find her from the risk of being yelled at so I just sat at my desk and filled my pants with warmth.
HikingMakesMeHappy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:52:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've definitely done this as a kid. Extreme shyness had a lot of downfalls.
rainbbowbbrite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:03:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
in elementary school my fear of asking to go to the bathroom even at school or after class led to several incidences like that... now realize i have kidney problems. yikes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:07:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing except I just pooed on the lawn
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:26:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My 4 year old had a friend over and her mom asked her multiple time if she wanted to go to the bathroom before she peed her pants, sometimes kids are just too excited not necessarily too nervous to ask
Ulti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha, I also did this, I was a little younger though. I was not allowed back.
Tenrai_Taco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:07:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a new year's party with people I kinda knew but wasn't comfortable with yet I went out to my car and pissed in a bottle. I also never asked for the really nice Pyrex dish I brought the chicken wing dip in back because I couldn't muster the courage to ask
buffbabythatcandance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:01:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made my day
toxicgecko ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:35:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pee'd my pants on the first day of rainbows (UK girl scouts) because I was too nervous to ask where the toilet was.
Regretski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a girl do that. In my bed. I was already up. She came downstairs and quickly excused herself. Went upstairs to find she'd peed herself in her sleep. It wasn't cute, she was 20.
maegan0apple ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:45:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband's best friend was pooping at his house when they were like 5. They were out of toilet paper so instead of calling for someone to bring him some, he wiped his ass with a washcloth, put it in the sink and left lol
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:05:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh jeez repressed memory triggered. I must have been 10 or so. Incredibly shy. Our family visits one of my parents friends while on holiday. We stay for a few days. I'm too shy to use the bathroom because the walls are so thin, so I just hold it in. Not enough beds to go around and I end up sharing with my dad. I have a dream where I'm standing next to a huge water fountain. Wake up to find myself pissing on my dad in bed.
scherlock79 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty common in little kids. My kids have all done that and every kid I know of has had some sort of pee accident event around that age.
thecreat0r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:17:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is my favorite.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that when I was 6 too :( I hope she's forgotten by now.
kiwifulla64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally shat my pants several times because I was too afraid to use my friends bathroom. I lived down a long driveway and his house was just off of it. I would hold on until the last second every time before trying run home.
brearose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In kindergarten, the washroom door was closed and I was too scared to ask if anyone was in there. I ended up peeing my pants an hour later. No one was in there, someone had just accidentally closed the door.
PrimarinaGirlYeah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing happened to me but at my old neighbor's house!!! I wanted to hold it in but couldn't and peed in their hallway. They had carpet so I thought it would dry by the time they noticed, but they knew right away. The parents tried to keep a polite face but they definitely noticed.
aidalai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing, except I was 8 and couldn't speak English yet. At least that was my excuse in my head so I wouldn't have to relive the embarassment
xtz8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh geeze, so, I'm incredibly avoidant, it might even be a disorder, but i refused to ask to use the bathroom. THe most ridiuclous was that I was afriad of asking and when I finally asked after wetting myself, it was five feet away.
The_Path_I_Chose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same thing happened with me lol when I was 11. Probably the most embarrassing moment of my life.
klawver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL this was me at school almost everyday up to 1st grade.
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In elementary school, they make such a production over asking permission that it is almost calculated to cause such accidents and I think it bleeds over into everyday life. If I were a teacher, I would have at least one enlightened policy: if you have to leave the classroom urgently, just do so!
waferpepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that was a great idea.. lol..
ihavesomanyfeelings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In elementary school I laughed so hard that I peed my pants, and was too embarrassed to say anything. We were just about to go outside for recess and I went over to a puddle and sat in it, and then acted all surprised, โoh hey, my pants are wet now!โ
wabojabo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:56 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing happened to me but I was fourteen! I'm not proud of it.
angelalee9293 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:17 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this when I was around 7. My parents dragged me to their friends house, and I was left alone to play with their kid. We were outside and it was getting late but I had such bad anxiety about asking for the bathroom, that I just peed my pants. My mom asked what happened and I said we were doing splits and the grass was wet from dew lol. she didn't buy it.
chocoespressobeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:44 on October 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why? WHY?
mFliaaM3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:36 on October 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at my first boyfriend's house! ๐ we still laugh about it. I was 9 years old.
SleeplessShitposter ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 03:24:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on board with this until you said "lol," now I'm lost.
"So I peed my pants and left without saying anything. Heehee! Goodbye!"
LikesComcast ยท 10679 points ยท Posted at 17:03:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last weekend I was eating starbursts and a lady approached me so naturally, I put a wrapped starburst in my mouth.
topaz_b ยท 2721 points ยท Posted at 18:46:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smoooooth. Was it strawberry? Ladies love strawberry. And it was still wrapped so you could share it!
LikesComcast ยท 353 points ยท Posted at 18:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was lemon :(
topaz_b ยท 264 points ยท Posted at 18:48:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaand my ovaries just wilted. I'll never lady again.
Doctah_Whoopass ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 01:21:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemon is the best, you fuck.
chefhj ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:39:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
im with you
ZombeeAndroid ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:57:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's dozens of us!
GentleSea ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 19:29:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lold
ScaryBananaMan ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:57:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for letting us know ๐
roodypoo926 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 21:29:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the best flavor
MrGaryDos ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 21:51:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heathen. Lemon is 3rd best after Strawberry and Cherry. Everyone knows this.
warp_wizard ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 22:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do yourself a favor and get one of the 'FaveREDs' packs. Contains 4 flavors: watermelon, cherry, strawberry and fruit punch.
MrGaryDos ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:36:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the best thing ever. Will definitely look around for it. Thanks stranger for the candy suggestions!
white_android ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:05:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Avoid the spicy ones. They are not good.
ScaryBananaMan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:58:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are spicy ones?? ๐ฆ What kind of monsters are they?!
dakblaster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I heard they're really good
white_android ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:53 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They aren't the same flavors but I still think the regular ones are the better of the two. Taste is subjective though.
thecluelessarmywife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The package is pink!
Lurking_n_Jurking ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:51:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orange is definitely the least good. Really, the only debate at this point is between pink and red.
There are some people whose favorite is yellow. Those are the people to split a pack of Starbursts with.
Beerfarts69 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:05:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You. I like how you think. Letโs be friends.
nefaspartim ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:00:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I miss Lime skittles. In the regular bag.
namestom ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:04:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What!? What happened to them?
For clarity, I have t had skittles in quite awhile.
nefaspartim ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:33:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replaced with some foul green apple flavor. It was a dark day in humanities' great voyage.
EDIT: I dumb grammar so good.
brightqwerty12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:11:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got replaced with green apple a while back, doesn't change too much honestly. The other flavor types are much better anyway!
xerox13ster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They brought them back they sell the bags with lime at Walmart or they did about a month ago
nefaspartim ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:47:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.delish.com/food-news/news/a53907/long-lost-lime-skittles/
Limited edition :(. I don't suppose we can have Rick go on a tirade about Lime Skittles instead of some watered down hoisin sauce?
Ashmic ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:07:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They prove strawberry and cherry are the best ones solely by putting twice as much orange and lemon in the pack. Of course they are gonna give you the least amount of the best flavors! It's the same with pink,red and purple freezepops!
ashadowwolf ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:52:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone I know thinks cherry is disgusting and I agree. It tastes like cough medicine. My ranking is just every other flavour > cherry.
envynav ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:49:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cherry is the worst.
The real ranking is Strawberry >>>>>> Lemon = Orange >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cherry
Lurking_n_Jurking ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:52:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get fucked, kind sir or madam.
ScaryBananaMan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:59:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa buddy no reason we can't play nice now
B-SideQueen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Insanity. 1. Pink 2. Red 3. Orange (tastes like orange tic tacs, delicious) 4. Yellow so the trash doesn't get jealous.
eggshelljones ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:39:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I beg to differ. The proper ranking is strawberry, then lemon, THEN cherry. Orange is not in the ranking because why is it even in there.
PikachuPlaysBlockGam ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:47:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct.
namestom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can dig this. Iโll take ๐ then ๐. Everything else is the sharing kind so they donโt take the my first picks. They are my pawns.
sassypants1991 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
agreed.
whatifimnot ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:59:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love that THIS is this controversial part on reddit.
602Zoo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:09:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn you double fucked that up, FUBAR.
_DeletedUser_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:01:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not supposed to eat the lemon ones...
ScaryBananaMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank god it was still in the wrapper, am I right?
bjackilly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a rock...
ohwowohkay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't despair, I'm a lady and I like the lemon ones
themariker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mmmmmmm my favorite
milkfree ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 23:19:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unwrap it in your mouth and then just let a big wad of pinkish saliva-covered paper sensually drip to the table.
xXHomerSXx ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:48:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of that odd sexual starburst commercial where a woman puts a wrapped starburst in her mouth and then slowly pulls out just the wrapper.
ladyoffate13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I crazy, because I remember that she put the wrapper back in her mouth and pulled out an origami crane?
xXHomerSXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of. I found it https://youtu.be/jSjfWNVdWjc
truelovetrailz56 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve never heard anyone refer to the pink starbursts as โstrawberryโ ... but itโs a fact that everyone loves the pink starbursts
mrythern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never ever take things that donโt belong to me (guilt). I was on the boardwalk and grabbed a piece of taffy and tossed it in my mouth in the dark outside the shopโdouble wrapped so I learned ๐. Yuck ๐คข
602Zoo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Street justice.
woodblocksolo27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!reddit silver
JohnnnyCupcakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yellow starbursts are the bronze medals of the starburst world.
TheWingedCherryPie ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, am lady that loves strawberry starburst
They make packs that are nothing but strawberry that shit is the best
DarkestTimelineJeff ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 20:18:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were just proving you could unwrap it with your tongue, weren't you? You sly dog.
[deleted] ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 23:27:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
local man chokes and dies on an unwrapped Starburst
Chlis ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:00:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ahahaha Holy shit that just put such a fantastic image in my head.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:28:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DarkestTimelineJeff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:39:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Schwing
havron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:29:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sploosh
FlashValor ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 22:33:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 10, I'd just eat them with the wrappers because I couldn't be bothered to unwrap them. I proudly told other people as I did this.
LikesComcast ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:36:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did your poop turn out?
KingMelray ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:14:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Follow up question: what shape is you anus?
gilelias2 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:49:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Star-shaped
havron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:30:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Festive
Alex_Was_Here ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:42:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still do if it takes too long to open. I'm 22.
havron ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starburst are fine but I have given up on putting forth the extra, tedious, sticky effort of peeling off the bit of paper that always stays behind on Now and Laters. Fuck you, sad sorry excuse for a candy wrapper, I'm turning you into poo.
FoWsUrDuress ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:56:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just do this all the time. Starting to break that habit, but damn am I lazy
XRatedBBQ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:16:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nowadays they have unwrapped bags of mini starbust
whatever-she-said ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:09:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how you end up with opal fruits.
smelltogetwell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crying with laughter at this!
Alpha_Bit_Poop ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:35:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I remember eating gum with the wrapper still on. Not the foil ones. I feel like a friend was just being a dick and told me you could do that...
Huwbacca ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:29:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... what?
Like, how quickly did she approach you? You sound like a startled hamster trying to escape with food before the predator gets near.
LikesComcast ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:33:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that fast. I am not proud of myself.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:50:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah! I did the same thing in middle school with an Easter candy wrapped in foil. It was in the same bag as some malt eggs and I thought it would be cute and flirty to toss it in my mouth.
It was not cute. And all flirtiness was eliminated when I had to spit out a chewed mash of chocolate and aluminum.
FlameSpartan ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:38:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You chewed it? Bro, your teeth hate you
Picard2331 ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 19:48:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who would chew the wrapper off of them and spit the wrapper into the garbage Never understood it
LevelSevenLaserLotus ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 20:21:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens occasionally with severe sunflower seed withdrawals. Poor dood just couldn't handle quitting cold turkey.
Ulti ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:02:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, I used to do that occasionally in elementary school too. I think it was just one of those "I can, so why not!?" type decisions. Waxpaper isn't near as bad for your gut as plastic, I guess?
BrainWrex ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 21:23:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you naturally put a wrapped starburst in your mouth? Or the lady walked up to you so naturally that you had to eat a wrapped starburst?
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:47:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not the OP, but I think he's saying the way she walked up to him was like the way a friend would walk up to another friend. This made him feel anxious and he put the wrapped starburst in his mouth without thinking. But I'm just speculating.
bullintheheather ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:28:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I think it's a woman walked up to him, so naturally he did a stupid thing.
BrainWrex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:54:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thats like both my questions in 1 scenario. NOICE!
LikesComcast ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:20:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And bingo was his name-o.
YouCan_Not_Doge ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:19:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just have to unwrap it with your tongue, fold an origami cherry, then knot its stem. Easy.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:29:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this with a Hershey's Kiss at a middle school dance. Girl I liked saw me, I tried to play it off like I did it on purpose and I started eating more. I'm retarded aren't I?
Viatical ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:12:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn read this 5 times.
A lady approached me so naturally, that I put a starburst in my mouth
A lady approached me so, naturally, I put a starburst in my mouth
A lady approached me so naturally that I wrapped a starburst in my mouth
LikesComcast ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:15:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry about the incorrect grammar! Itโs the second two versions combined.
Viatical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha its cool! Everyone else seemed to get it idk why I had such a hard time ๐
Btw: Nice username!
I_am_DK ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:54:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you pulled the wrap out of your mouth in the shape of an origami crane. She came up to ask you for directions, she's unfamiliar with the area, you proceeded with anticipation and responded by telling her your name right?
LikesComcast ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Were you there???
ikindalold ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:36:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it a pink one though?
LikesComcast ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:37:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yellow.
LoooseSeal ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 19:28:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you didn't have to taste it then
ferrettt55 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:57:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend that would take the wrapped Starbursts and spend a while unwrapping them in their mouth. Then spit out the spit-soaked wrapper and eat the candy. They'd do that for every piece... Like, there's an easier and cleaner way to do that.
Benjeev ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:43:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone offered me a starburst once randomly on a train. I freeked out and said something like 'oh right you too'. She put the damn starbursts away though so I'd say it was a success
CraneRiver ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:49:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs not what they meant by โkeep it wrapped upโ in Sex Ed.
little_gnora ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:57:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew a guy in high school who used to try to impress girls by unwrapping Starbursts with his mouth. I always thought it was pretty gross. . .
ChiraqBluline ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:19:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read on reddit that the wrapper is edible, so you'be got that going for you.
And my son verified it, so it's a fact.
SleeplessShitposter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact: Starburst wrappers are edible because so many people are dumb enough to accidentally eat them.
bullintheheather ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:28:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least it wasn't a Jolly Rancher.
akme777 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:12:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God, not again
tauslb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't eaten a jolly rancher since 2012 because of this shit
lilyhasasecret ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:41:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard other girls like it if you can unwrap a starburst with your tongue
Rick1280 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:37:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's 6:30 am. I haven't slept. I read this as put a wrapped starburst in her mouth. The following comments made it even better. Lol
Ejebshejwiwiowow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:20:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, but I have to do this:
Last weekend I was eating Starbursts and a lady approached me, so, naturally, I put a wrapped Starburst in my mouth.
amanko13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:17:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did you swallow?
LikesComcast ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No I'm a loser who only spits.
RapperBugzapper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the paper is edible, so itโs not that bad!
Clame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The you pull the wrapper off of the candy with your tongue and finish it. C'mon man you were half way there.
LikesComcast ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:59:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except for the part of where I have to be capable of doing that.
DanTeeBee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:04:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you unwrap it in your mouth so she's impressed with your tongue abilities
barwhalis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should've unwrapped it with ur tongue and shown it to her with a wink, you could've gotten her number, or, a smack across the face
CampCook3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... do you really like Comcast?
LikesComcast ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:39:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man fuck Comcast!
CampCook3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:53:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was worried about you. Whew
FellowGecko ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you unwrap the starburst, eat it, and tie the wrapper into a swan to give to her.
Laid
foursticksrocketship ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She may have thought you were flirting as they used to advertise that you were a good kisser if you could unwrap it in your mouth. Didn't realize as a kid that they were insinuating a different kind of kissing....
smelltogetwell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this, I've been wondering what reference I was missing.
hitechno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you sexily pull the wrapper out of your mouth like in the old Starburst commercials?
aptharsia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:22:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband, then boyfriend, was eating starbursts in the dark. Turned on the light to realize he ate half the pack with the wrappers still on.
JadedRabbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me that at a young age, I learned I could peel the wrappers off starbursts using just my tongue.
PrettyButEmpty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then? Did you take it out when you realized, or did you just muscle it down waxy wrapper and all?
LikesComcast ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:19:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I held it under my tongue and proceeded to pretend to yawn and slip it into my hand.
carsncode ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:02:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just hope this part went well. Using sleight of hand to cover stupidity is like juggling knives to distract someone from your clumsiness.
re_nonsequiturs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If only you could've unwrapped the candy with your tongue.
alexx3064 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Show that lady how you work that tongue
fuckclemson69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to eat starbursts with the wrapper because I was too lazy to find a trash can
BlancoCHICAGO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
next time take the wrapper off with ur tounge n spit it out in front of her.
RusstyDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's when you unwrap it in your mouth and pull it out all sexy like.
notfromgreenland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If only we were in the Simpsons universe, that would of been the norm.
knutenez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you unwrap it in your mouth? I've heard that if you can do that it means you are a good kisser.
CapitalistPig47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should've unwrapped it with your tongue and played it off as intentional.
craznazn247 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pull out an intact wrapper and you're golden.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever just say "fuck it" and eat the paper too?
Sad_Alpaca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you chew it and pretend nothing was wrong, or gag and spit it out?
LikesComcast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:29:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Covered my mouth to yawn and spit it in my hand.
Sad_Alpaca ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:43:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She definitely noticed ;) although I commend the effort.
Justicarnage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ProTip: unwrap it with your tongue and pull the empty wrapper out of your mouth wink.
Jtli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs like the old starburst commercials where they would then proceed to take out the wrapper flatly
PM_Me_Your_Schnoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could have unwrapped it with your tongue and sexily removed the wrapper from your mouth. And if you choked while attempting that stunt, maybe that lady would've given you the Heimlech Maneuver, during which the candy might even have Heimleched through the air only to land in front of another lady who would pick it up, shrug, and say "as long as it's wrapped."
SomnambulisticTaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs when you slip the wrapper off in your mouth and use your tongue to fold it into a crane.
And kids, thatโs how I met your mother.
DeathBeforeDawn89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get Skittled, fool!
Sweetbadger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, one of my party tricks was putting a wrapped Starburst in my mouth and unwrapping it with my tongue. A lot of women were pretty interested in that one.
TheJoker1432 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean? Just walked in your direction? Or actually over to you to start a convo?
Uncle_Finger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have unwrapped it woth your tongue and spit out the wrapper
beanworth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I busted a gut laughing at this. Holy hell.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Must have been one hell of a natural approach
IndeedJai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mate never takes off the wrapper for some reason while eating Starbursts
Ucantalas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you then remove the wrapper with your tongue and then wink at her suggestively?
Sir_George ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โOh you donโt eat them with the wrapper? It helps retain the flavor!โ
camerajack21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can get wraps from the supermarket in the UK as sandwiches (Tesco Sweet Chilli Chicken represent!) which are super tasty. Anyway, the filling in the sweet chilli chicken one sometimes likes to sink to the bottom of the wrap and burst through the wrap when you bite into it. I was walking through town once and had just had such an explosion as I bit into it - so I just crammed the whole thing into my mouth to avoid too much mess. This would normally be OK, except that I made eye contact with a 10/10 fit girl just as I crammed this whole wrap into my mouth. How to be attractive 101.
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:32:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen this before. Someguy in a walmart parking lot going to his car was popping wrapped starbursts into his mouth...
McFagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story isn't finished. What did you do next?
Weft_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Show me what da mouth do!
MagicNein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago I watched a kid I used to babysit eat a starburst with the wrapper on because he didn't know there was a wrapper.
superfile456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The waxy papery stuff is the best part
pwntiuspilat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
then you deftly unwrapped it with your tongue, and presented her with a damp starburst wrapper folded into an origami giraffe, along with a wink.
NobilisUltima ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: she noticed, but OP then removed the wrapper alone from his mouth, having undone it with his tongue, and then he and the lady did the sex
paraworldblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if this happens again, you can fix it by pulling a paper crane out of your mouth
Satan_Butthole ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least they were not Jolly Rancher.
chickenballer ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:56:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sometimes if im feeling extra lazy, i eat starbursts with the wrapper on.
thecoolrobot ยท 24624 points ยท Posted at 16:50:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in primary school I had a crush on a girl, her younger brother was kind of a friend, so I'd hang out at their place every once in a while.
Thinking it would be weird to ask if I could hang out, I'd go for a run past their place and hope they'd notice me and invite me in.
It worked, but most times I had to turn back and run past at least 4 times before they'd invite me in..
jewmaz ยท 14342 points ยท Posted at 17:39:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I met a girl at summer camp who turned out was moving into the house behind mine. When camp ended, I wanted to hang out with her but didn't have the courage to just go knock on their door, so I would just scream her name from my yard ("Sarah from camp X! - I didn't know her last name) hoping she would come out. She didn't, I eventually told my dad who was like "you idiot", bought a plant, and went over to their house with me as a housewarming gift. It's been about 15 years and we're still friends.
EDIT: the plant was the gift, my father did not gift me into modern slavery
EDIT 2: I am still friends with the girl and my father!
EDIT 3: I am also a girl, was just quiet and awkward trying to making friends
NotReallyACatPerson ยท 6059 points ยท Posted at 19:12:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My brother and the boy next door make loud whooping noises over the hedge when they are out playing in case the other is out too. It works for them lol
Koeida ยท 4323 points ยท Posted at 22:50:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should tell them to be careful as they may unintentionally summon a juggalo
white_android ยท 257 points ยท Posted at 22:59:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You never know they might be down with a faygo fight.
goplayer7 ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 23:23:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But how can they attract them if they have no clue how magnets work?
Wess_Mantooth_ ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 23:29:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They know perfectly well how magnets work. MAGIC
Myth0sfreak ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:34:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/blackmagicfuckery
NotADeadHorse ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:12:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Miracle*
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:28:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
white_android ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:33 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only the clear one.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:08:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this whole thread is slaying me
Arbiter329 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 23:00:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or worse, a whole gaggle of juggalos.
TalkToTheGirl ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 00:02:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a "gathering."
ostreatus ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:12:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy minored in juggalo.
TalkToTheGirl ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:00:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that's a synonym for "has been arrested a few times," then I guess so.
SoftlySpokenPromises ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 23:27:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaggalosโข
Cleave ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:39:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a jiggle of gigolos..
xddm2653 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:17:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and here I thought they were called a giggle of juggalos
Malich ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 23:33:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. This is why I browse reddit.
Mathlete86 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 00:12:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In order to guard against accidentally summoning a juggalo just line your yard with magnets. Unable to understand the complexity of magnetism, the wild juggalo is left confused and afraid and oftentimes will retreat from whence it came.
shawn-fff ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:10:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, is this, like, a thing? Do juggalos whoop and call to each other? I'm imagining it as a sort of echolocation that they'd do to find each other when they get separated in target.
NotADeadHorse ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:14:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its like a call and response really, you holla whoop whoop and wait to see if someone responds, if so they're likely a down with the clown
tiniful ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:09:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just explained to me a disturbing part of my childhood. I couldn't figure out what all the whoop whooops and throwing stars were about.
shawn-fff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, so, again...are throwing stars a juggalo thing? I mean I literally wouldn't be surprised at ANYTHING; it's such a unique subculture.
strengthof10interns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really any trashy mall ninja shit
quietisland ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:45:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh way too hard.
oxford_llama_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:21:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or an Aggie, lol
SoggyMcmufffinns ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:58:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a zoidberg..
redditorsofthesesh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:16:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHOOOOOOP WHOOOOP WHOOOP WHOOOP WHOOOP WHOOOOOOP
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have you know I read this comment just as the echoing "Whoo!" from the outro of We Made You was playing, and it fit perfectly with my eyes.
vendetta2115 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a plot line from r/neckbeardRPG
hitch00 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:14:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best use of โsummonโ I have ever seen.
Solid_Freakin_Snake ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:16:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sacrifice Blue-Eyes White Dragon to summon... Juggalo Gathering!
paranalyzed ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:24:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The more you know" upvote
lkkm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus. Just think of the kids whooping in their yards and all of a sudden a jugallo climbs over the fence with his face paint whilst whooping.
empirebuilder1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you meant a Heffalump.
JoJackthewonderskunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wat is a juggalo?
thegreatdune ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:14:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A fucking lunatic
theniceguytroll ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:18:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A type of cereal.
bboyG-Funk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aโhulkamaniacโ He powerbombs mother fuckers into thumb tacks
Rhythmmonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A wild juggalo appeared!
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or an army of lobster squid doctors. https://youtu.be/eI5rdFHZIUI
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accidental Juggalo is a great band name.
ccvadam ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:10:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is how my neighborhood worked when I was a kid. Run outside, make velociraptor call, wait for friends to return the call, then meet up.
jerekdeter626 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 11:40:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is like exactly how birds are
CeruleanTresses ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:32:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, that's adorable.
FreshPringles ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:51:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are they big fans of Dr. Zoidberg?
chorrica ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how does a "whooping noise" sound?
AltSpRkBunny ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:53:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say the word "whoop" loudly and going towards a high pitch at the end. Like an Aggie.
Red_Rifle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:55:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHOOP
clearkryptonite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:09:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marco
redditorsofthesesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
POLO
What-The-Pho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:26:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that is why guys are ___________________
extra-long-pubes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha, I did this with my friend next door too. Ours was 'WIP-A-WOO'
Ks427236 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whooping outside windows is it's own language in NYC
MeatMeintheMeatus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:26:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs fucking great and I can totally see two boys doing that
awal96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:49:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the sound of the police
chipmunk7000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dog does this with the neighbor dog.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:21:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHOOTIE WHOOOOO
alcelio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My neighbors and I all had designated animal calls we would do whenever we were outside to see if anyone else was around.
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zoidberg..IS THAT YOU?? https://youtu.be/k6JHaBVySTA
Turnbills ยท 1918 points ยท Posted at 19:57:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad is a champ for giving you that opportunity!
zanzebar ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 23:25:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like dad was so sad with his kid that he give him away as housewarming gift.
tit-for-tat ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 00:21:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the ol' reddit housewarming-gift-plant-a-roo!
TheSeaRanger ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:36:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my synthetic plant, I'm going in!
juanconj_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:12:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happened... It happened and I saw it!
TylerWolff ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:40:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It upsets me a great deal that the first time I click that I get "dogaroo" which is a guy commenting on a picture of a dog that looks like a kangaroo and is not a switcheroo at all.
KomicG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:27 on March 15, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the ol jebaited. Feelsbadman.
avocadoblain ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:16:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not interested in having kids, but things like this sometimes make me reconsider. It must be satisfying as a dad to your idiot kid a boost in a situation like that.
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 23:23:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your Very First Wingman.. how touching.. :P
SemiBird ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:46:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/dadsbeingbros
Bladelink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:54:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dad, I tried this really retarded solution and it didn't work"
smh
farmtownsuit ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 21:27:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to hear you're still friends with your dad, always a shame when those friendships end.
OneMoreChancee ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:11:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really sucks to hear that his dad friendzoned him though.
randogirl007 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:37:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit. Laughed harder at this comment than the actual story.
JohnEffingZoidberg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did... Did you want someone to roo that?
farmtownsuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just wanted to make a joke
pxerz ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 22:54:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your father gave you to them as a housewarming gift? Brutal.
PTRWP ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 23:02:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replaced him with a plant, too. He is a good father though. He got him into that girl's family.
anehum ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:16:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And just a plant to replace him, not even a dog.
quagsnavely ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Camp X sounds... fun?
DoomsdayRabbit ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:20:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not as much as camp xxx.
quagsnavely ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:21:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 times the fun
bennibenthemanlyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it sad that that made me think of this?
DoomsdayRabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:03:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're reaching absurdly high X levels.
Englishmuffin1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Camp X was a WWII training camp in Canada for allied forces. She was obviously a hardcore child.
redditingatwork31 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:40:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good on your dad.
GozerDGozerian ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:35:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was pretty clever of your dad to take you over as a housewarming gift. Then you're living with your crush, but you still get to see your parents who live so near. And your folks have a nice plant to remember you by!
praisetehbrd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:56:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how everyone is twisting his story lol
OPs_other_username ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:22:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how everyone is calling her a him.
jziggy44 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:50:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend zoned for bringing a plant. Should have brought cake
525600Pepes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would not be this interested if she did not have it already.
eksyneet ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:00:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this reads like you were the housewarming gift.
ruok4a69 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:51:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to swing on my swing set and sing songs to the girl next door. She did hear me, to my utter humiliation. She told all her friends, and itโs stall awkward seeing her around town 35+ years later.
525600Pepes ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:03:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated story here. You ever get the urge to sing her one last power ballad?
ruok4a69 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:31:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not yet, but I do drink and sing karaoke, so the possibility lingers.
havron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:45:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, you must do it!! Perfect setting to appropriately sing a song to her, everyone laughs with you, and I bet those years of awkwardness fade.
OakTea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:43:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No courage to knock, but courage to yell
havron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I am the one who yells."
sirius5715 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:40:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar experience. Went to summer camp, developed a crush, gave the girl my cellphone # but didn't get hers cause I'm dumb. Got a call maybe a month later and a voicemail saying something along the lines of "it's just not gonna work." Had no idea who left it or why until a few years later when it finally dawned on me that it was her.
praisetehbrd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:56:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's weird that she would just call you a month later to tell you that
Sample_Name ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:24:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your father must be so disappointed. He went to all that trouble to be your wingman and 15 years later you still haven't sealed the deal.
pikapikachoo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:52:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you could of lied and said you were married, everyone would of gave you at least twice the upvotes :). Anyways loved the real story!
Jerry_from_Japan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:02:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only a friend, Peter Parker?
Combocore ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:55:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure you were a wonderful housewarming gift.
ThatOtherGuy_CA ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:06:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You got plantzoned!
catfishfighter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad gave you away as a housewarming gift?
FyreFight101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:22:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad you're still friends with your father
Pawnagraphy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:34:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad handed you over as a housewarming gift? Dayum
FeatheredSun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:43:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad's a pro. Great solution there.
Rhysaralc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs good that your dad still lets you be his friend after that.
RaqMountainMama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in Jr High, my family moved. We were living in a month to month type furnished apartment while waiting for our permanent home. One afternoon, I hear my name being yelled outside by a couple of boys just wandering around the complex looking for me. I thought my dad would take offense as I thought this was a rude way to find your friend - plus being a girl, I thought my dad would frown upon boys looking for me at all, but nope. Dad laughed and said his friends did the same thing when he was growing up. Apparantly yelling for your new friend in the general vicinity of their home is a thing. You aren't alone u/jewmaz!
jennybella ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:57:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Each edit made me laugh a bit harder.
gregorykoch11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He gave his child away to a family he'd never met? That could have ended poorly.
MyBuddyDix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I should imagine you're still friends seeing as your father gave you to them as a housewarming gift.
tigwyk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:43:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hooray I'm not the only one who did this! I used to go up to the front of our property and yell across the street in hopes the girls who lived there wanted to play. Feels so silly now.
redditorsofthesesh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:14:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You see a lot of things on Reddit, but this one has particular stayed with me. It's so pure
Impregneerspuit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:31:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like how your dad randomly buys a plant and then gives you away as a gift. nice that your still friends with your dad after all that
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"you idiot" hahaha I can imagine a conversation with you and your dad
BurgandyShoelaces ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read your story the way you meant, but I'm very glad you shared those edits. I'm giggling so hard at the idea of your dad giving you away as a gift, buying a plant to replace you, and you still being friends after 15 years of that.
Fiocoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Judging by your edits, I think you've learned some valuable lessons on grammar. The internet is a harsh place, but they'll never let you be wrong.
Ever.
kstiemsma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:55:35 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thank you so much for this story. on the phone talking about some heavy shit and your story cracked me up so much I had to turn the phone away and laugh into my hand :)
MetaCloneHashtag ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:14:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your Dad had moves, but yours were so bad you didn't have a shot even after he helped?
...filthy casuals.
interarmaenim ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:52:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's good man, your dad sounds like a cool guy and you should absolutely try and be his friend.
SulemanC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one time at band camp..
Alexanderrdt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
_amorfati ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good story. Mine didn't end up the same. :( The guy that I had a crush in was living in the house behind me. I used to stand at the backyard and look into his house like a stalker hoping he will notice me until one day, they were having dinner and the mother closed the back door on me. 20 years later and he still didn't know I'm living behind him (we knew each other and was quite close).
Edit: added some details
mdcandidate2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know what your next post should entail.
Then I went on Reddit and told my story, only for her to notice me.
pikiniki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cute! You remind me of Charlie Brown
tje210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dad disappoints easily? Gifted you to the neighbor...
Kungfu_McNugget ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does she know what you did?
AnyDiscount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So your dad bought a plant, and then gave you away as a house warming gift?
I'm tired and read it this way at first....
parrmorgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad sounds like a great neighbor
padawanmon1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's sweet you are still friends with your dad.
EthicsIsNotOptional ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reads like you were given away as a house warming present and your father bought a replacement plant in advance.
HidesInsideYou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dad brought you as a house warming gift?
feels_old ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
awww this is really cute.
ProfMcGonaGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to nanny for a 5 year old whose best friend from school lived across the apartment building across the street. My nanny kid would go out on her balcony and yell her friendโs name on the top of her lungs until the friend would hear and go out on their balcony and then theyโd basically say hi and that was it. They did have play dates sometimes which were usually coordinated via balcony via their Grandma and me.
cyranothe2nd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I met a few really cool people at our caucus who live right across the street from me. At the end of the caucus I was like, "Hey, the next party we throw we will invite you over!" But I did throw a party for a few months, and then it felt weird to go over there and be like, "Remember me?" so now it's been like 8 months and I feel ashamed whenever I see them outside so I scurry into my house like a jerk.
BurningOrangeHeaven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is soooo cute hahaha
GirlAnonymousX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that you had to edit and clarify you weren't the housewarming gift made me laugh so hard lol!
Hvv46h77hh6h ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. When I was in third grade I would go to my best friends house and stand at the end of the driveway and just yell her name until she came out to play. "Lydia!, Lydia! Lydia!". Im not sure what I did when she couldn't come out and play.
NeverDoesAnything ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, you went to Camp X? Most kids probably wouldn't last long there.
liquiddaisies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda reminds me of my 4 year old daughter. She will make friends with a kid at the playground, but no remember/bother to ask their name. So she will just call them, โNew Best Friendโ. Itโs especially funny hearing her yell, โhey New Best Friend! Over here!!โ from across the playground.
obeyaasaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice that you're still friends with your dad.
Meningna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every edit is a plot twist and hilarious!!
OptionalDepression ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking dying here!! ๐
CDfm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the plant . What has become of it ?
maracusdesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend in the house behind mine and instead of knocking on their door I would just stand outside and scream until they heard me.
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were the housewarming gift and your Dad introduced the plant??!
Biff_Tannen82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My daughter is the opposite. When she sees a kid around her age for the first time and points at them saying "that person is now my friend".
angelbelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I would be more embarrassed to scream her name out loud than to knock.
2234130 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
voted this up exclusively because of the edits
morgannemary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar when I was younger.
I had a friend from school who lived behind my house and I'd go into her backyard and just yell her name until she came out. And if she didn't, I'd use her swing until she either did come out or I got bored and left.
The only time I ever went to her front door was when I went trick or treating.
XxGirtBySeaXx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:13 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to stand outside a neighbour's house yelling "BEEP BEEP!" hoping that my friend would hear and come out to play. Shame.
slytherinwitchbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:23 on October 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How old were you when you did this?
TigrisVenator ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:36:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She hot?
ChantyTLU ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:23:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you should have been married dude awful ending
Deathstroke5289 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:49:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still haven't built up the confidence?
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gay
Mrnoone696 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:45:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โFriendsโ
Sorry, bro.
KickNaptur ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 01:15:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you fuckkkkk tho
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 23:43:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friendzoned for life. That doesn't sound like a win.
phliuy ยท 5516 points ยท Posted at 17:56:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"why does thecoolrobot keep running past our house"
"I...I don't know...he but he doesn't stop until we invite him in"
saveface ยท 1597 points ยท Posted at 22:47:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to think that this is the real story
Truan ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 23:26:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's entirely plausible that they knew, but they also didn't notice him at first
Jwalla83 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 02:11:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to imagine him running like 10 feet past the house, turning around immediately, running 10 feet past in the other direction, and repeating for hours. The whole time he's just blatantly staring at the house, trying to peak through the windows, coughing loudly to announce his presence
TheWingnutSquid ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:22:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That kid's name? Usain Bolt
nomopyt ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:13:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They got tired of watching him collapse from exhaustion...
swyx ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:15:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
iโd like to think the brother was fucking with him before he was fucking with her
Blacksheepoftheworld ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:17:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey son, it's your weirdass friend that runs back and forth in front of the house while rubbernecking. You know, the one that has a crush on your sister and hasn't learned to hide his erection yet... Why don't you invite him in for dinner, we're having spaghetti and I need to a good laugh"
Surreal_J ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 22:46:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the premise to a suspenseful thriller about a stalker, with a noun as the title, like "The Runner" or something. Lol.
skazz0r ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:50:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would watch this movie
Bananawamajama ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:31:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I think he might be a vampire "
Abodyhun ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:58:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta invite him.
525600Pepes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:09:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โHey, guy.โ
DonQuixotel ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:34:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How many times should we let him run past today?"
"I dunno, roll that die."
"4"
"So it is.."
Yodiddlyyo ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:59:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why wouldn't you want to invite a cool robot into your house?
Julian_rc ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:21:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like his plan worked better than expected!
Pachi2Sexy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
".....Wait.... what robot?"
BionicleGarden ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 20:22:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm picturing you just running back and forth wearing jeans and carrying a backpack.
farmtownsuit ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 21:28:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hands extended behind him.
cranberry94 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 23:44:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got one worse.
I rode the bus in middle school and there was this cute boy I had a huge crush on in 6th grade. I knew he lived in my neighborhood, but not where exactly.
My bus stop was the one before his for drop off, so I would sprint home, with my giant book heavy bookbag bouncing, so that I could get there before the bus passed. And he could see where I lived. So that he might be walking by one day and think of me, and want to hang out.
A few months later, on the bus, he jokingly asked why I was always running home from the bus stop like an idiot.
And my response? In all my glory? I panicked and said "Oh, I guess I usually need to pee"
Limnir ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:12:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could've been his fetish. It was really hit or miss, there's no way you could've known.
Amalthea87 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:27:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I did the same thing as a kid, but it was my next door neighborโs kids. Whenever I heard them swimming I would jump on our trampoline hoping they would invite me to swim. The hard part was not doing it every time they swam so you wouldnโt like a weirdo.
TastyQuesadilla ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 23:16:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have neighbors who had a pool. One of their daughters was my friend, and sometimes during the summer I'd see her playing out in the pool. Instead of asking if I could go swimming, like a normal human being would, I would go out on my deck (that overlooked their yard) and practice THE RECORDER. These are the memories that I lay awake at night, thinking about.
Fancy_Bits ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:32:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Up vote for making me cringe.
humeanation ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:35:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely. Of all the instruments!!
The_real_sanderflop ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:03:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the recorder: the only instrument that always sounds like it's broken
UsernameOmitted ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:34:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/G44xTr8D_bw
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 17:40:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It aint stupid if It works brotha
TheJesseClark ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 18:25:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its a little stupid because you know the conversation went like:
Sigh, "U/thecoolrobot is on another 'jog' again."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. Look."
"Oh, my God. Why doesn't he just text me and ask to hang out?"
"I don't know. He's your friend. Just ignore him."
"No, no. I feel bad. He's sprinted by like twelve times already."
xbnm ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:33:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ThatGodCat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:18:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are 11 year olds on the internet you know.
Trentkid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:26:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On Club Penguin and very mild porn, not on Askreddit
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:36:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend whose wife would only let him look at soft core porn. If she caught him looking at hard core porn she would throw a goddamn fit. So I imagine it's a bunch of very sad married men looking at very mild porn
VigilantMike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Club penguin shut down months ago
hogger85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got my first phone at 14 I am now 33 and I was a late adopter in my school (well parents were as begged for months). I can imagine many nearly 30y/o would have had a phone at about 9.
NumbuhOne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:33:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even though it's supposed to be humorous, that's probably not how it'd have gone down. It's probably more likely that they just assumed he was jogging or running through the neighborhood, like people actually do.
StrokingPiston ยท -55 points ยท Posted at 19:16:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong comment, pal.
farmtownsuit ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 21:27:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrong comment, pal.
Mingflow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:26:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct comment, pal.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:14:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably still stupid, just fortunate.
Rvngizswt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that applies here
Ph4ntorn ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:07:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same sort of thing when I was about 5. I liked playing with the kids who lived across the street from me, but I was afraid to knock on their door (partially because they had yappy dogs, mostly because I was socially awkward). So, I'd sit outside my house hoping they'd come out and ask me to play. It usually didn't work.
theavengingewok ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:58:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like how much I can relate to some of the thought processes in these comments.
Pedollm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:26:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same story I had a crush on this girl back when I was 8 and she was like 13 or 14. We were friends, we rode in the same bus to school and I was friends with her brother. So one day I saw on TV a way to make a frameโ out of macaroni and I was very shy to ask her so I wrote a note asking her for a picture of her to make a frameโ but I just told her I wanted a pic of her, I don't remember what happened but I know I didn't get a picture lol. Anyways now I cringe when I think about it haha
Basalit-an ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:11:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! That's pretty damn bold though!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh god this reminds me from when I was a kid. I had a kind of friend 2 houses down the street. I wanted him to come play outside. I knew he was there because I could hear him and his mom through an open window on the second floor.
But little me thought it was too akward to ring the door bell. So my tiny brain thought it was a really good idea to imitate a rooster in front of their open window to make them look out the window. Like I was strutting around and screaming the noise they make and all. I heared his mom say wtf kind of rooster she was hearing and sent my friend to check. So then I got him too come out side.
So I guess it's not stupid if it works or something...
sword_of_omens ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:44:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No doubt you're some kind of weird, backwards, athletic vampire.
MusteredCourage ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:48:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually really cute, did you end up dating?
MelvintheMIU ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:11:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way! Dude is way too awkward for that.
sunburn95 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:55:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Ah geez hes just jogging back and forth again.."
"Well we better let him in a give him some water.. its hot out there"
Mistersinister1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:57:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well even if it didn't work out, you still got a work out, so in a way it would have worked out one way or another.
Mobitz_One ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:01:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has me written all over it.
Totally_not_Joe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:29:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points if you did the Naruto run
HitMePat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:26:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your story just reminded me of a day I haven't thought of in probably 25 years. I was maybe 8-10 years old when I did it ...a few houses down from me was a girl in my school I had a crush on. I intentionally parked my bicycle infront of her house and took the chain off the gears, and pretended to work on fixing it for 10 or 15 minutes hoping maybe she would come outside, then put it back on and road away.
Curious_A_Crane ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:19:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd run by this guy friends's work I had a crush on. It was 2 blocks from my house. Even if he saw me he'd barely acknowledge me. I then started seeing one of his co-workers. I ran by their work, the guy I was seeing got on his bike and chased after me.
We've been married 6 years now.
Limnir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:14:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's heartwarming. Congratulations :)
July9044 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:49:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I Did something similar except I'd go outside and fly a kite for like an hour till I got noticed lol
Bubbletea_85 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:15:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. This was my go-to invite bait as well
humeanation ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely one of the most relatable things I've ever read on reddit. I did the same thing but it was walking my family's dog instead of jogging. At least you were keeping fit.
Rhinochild ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:49:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing when I was about 11. Except I'd only run by once (per day) and never saw her or got invited in. After about a week, the crush subsided, but I kept running - turned it into about a 4km run. That year in school, I won all the school track events and shocked the principal because this body was not built for speed. I still have a scar on my bicep where I crossed the line first in the 100m and the girls holding the string didn't let go and the tension burned me (I assume I also shocked them because I was so fast! /s). That minor injury was an ill omen. Tragically, the day before the city-wide track events, I sliced my leg open climbing over a chain-link fence and had to sit them out. Still have those scars too. Never really ran again.
Limnir ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was just overall a great story. 10/10
FaptainAwesome ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:52:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much autism... I'm sorry bro.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Most times"
redditready1986 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, and they saw you all 4 times every time and you became that weird kid that runs past the house to the whole family.
politics_and_porn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone in that house knew...
Mrnoone696 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They saw you go by the first three times.
thissistheN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you went for runs in primary school?!
amifunnyyet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:21:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just watched the running AI gif on the front page and imagined you running like that
linakun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger our neighbors behind us were having a huge birthday party, with a jump house and water balloons. Me, me sister, and our other neighbor were only slightly friendly with the neighbors behind us so we hadnโt been invited. We just stood at our fence staring at the kids having a fun time for maybe 25 minutes then once one of the parents realized we werenโt going away any time soon they came to our house to invite us. We had a blast lmao and became friends with those kids throughout my entire childhood and even through high school.
brearose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I had 2 best friends who lived in my neighbourhood. Life happened and we stopped talking. A year later, I really missed them but was too scared to visit, so I started talking my dog on really long walks through our neighbourhood, making sure to pass each house twice. I ended up losing 20lbs from it, and my dog was super happy.
I never saw one of them. Another of them saw me, but ignored me. The third one and I talked for a bit, but she said it was creepy that my mom would say hi to her (I was best friends with her from age 4 to 14, and she was always with my family, so I'm not sure why she thought it was weird). So I gave up trying to be friends with her.
dontbuyanoldhouse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmh...my brothers friend did this too....were you running by my house on purpose??
Lyngay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, I did something like this as a kid. I cringe a little when I think of it now. But the neighbors had a pool, a gorgeous swimming pool in the Texas summer heat...
The fence between our houses was easily see-through, looked just like this one. So when they were outside in the pool, I'd just go out to the yard and kinda play right by the fence... probably trying to look as lonely as possible, lol. I'd kinda hang out there until they saw me and would almost always invite me over.
Looking back... I hope they didn't hate me for it, lol.
dal_segno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:33:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Growing up, my friends had a pool.
I'd stand at the edge of their backyard and stare at them until they eventually either invited me in or said "not today!!!!"
Dr_on_the_Internet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch had a similar situation. Too real.
thatgoat-guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably saw you many times and pitied you.
usernamesfor100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh too much
MadGeekling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god this sounds like me when I was a kid and first started liking girls..
Angsty_Potatos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. Oh dear. This was me in jr high. Cringgggggeeeee
SubtleMockery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were probably in good shape though.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thecoolrobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly, no. Their block would have been at least a 5 minute loop. I gave it about 3 houses either side.
homingconcretedonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow... maximum visibility time I guess.
Citypatown42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So one day my childhood friend didn't want to play and so I figured i could wait him out I just started running and jumping in the empty yard/lot across from their house except it backfired because him and his older sister just made fun of my superman jump
AcidBathVampire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That didn't work out for this kid that had a crush on my buddy's sister. Around the 4th or 5th lap around their block, he was accosted by some older guys that lived next door. "We don't take kindly to your type around here" (or something like that) he was told and when he protested they chased him down the block. Poor kid never came back.
_KiNgCrOw_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inside: "there must be something wrong...this is the third time he's ran by the house and looked through the windows..."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
winsome_losesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were an awkward robot then but at least youโre a cool robot now!
xddm2653 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom sawyer?
Truestory27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg, when I was a little kid, I would just awkwardly stand outside my friends house until they invited me in. Your method seems less creepy.
BrickTop94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably noticed you the first time you ran past and the 4th time they caught on and said fuck it just invite the poor kid in
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably thought you were fucking weird.
Shishkahuben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, I did this with the girl I had a crush on. I'd ride my bike past her place like six times a few times a week. It didn't work.
SalientSaltine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm having de ja vu with your comment. I feel like I've read this exact same thing before.
brush_between_meals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Aw shit, that weird kid is running back and forth in front of the house again..."
noodlegoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a vampire?
NinjatheClick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Huh, thecoolrobot is running back and forth in front of our house again. Should we let him in?" "After a few more rounds, I gotta use the bathroom."
CorneliusHelius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that but I hung out in the trees along the edge of their property instead. They called me "tree boy"
Robotdong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice
Ohoulihan25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
smooth as silk
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing with a girl I liked, except on a bike. One day she came out and asked why I kept biking past her house. I told her I liked biking back and forth on that street.
santaismysavior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this on my bike all the time!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG. my friend used to do this. He'd play with kids like 4 years younger hoping this girl across the street would see him and then idk what he expected from there- her to ask him in or something? I ended up talking to her about it a few years later and she told me "yah, if I saw him out there I'd stay inside.."
DigbyChickenZone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do that, but next to one of my first boyfriend's place .... after we broke up.
Because I knew we'd have a lil chat if I ran into him. I look back on that behavior with the utmost cringe, because I know I was basically being an awkward stalkery kid.
Harrowingirish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. This is making remember the countless weird things I would do my entire childhood just like this .
And i have recently been telling myself I didn't get awkward until later in life... Nope.
flugglehorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this is like the MSN Messenger login/out tactic applied IRL.
motoko123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that is actually cute
motoko123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:46:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that is actually cute
B3nd3tta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Their parents were probably like:โlook at that poor kid playing on his own, lets invite him in just to be niceโ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They knew.
GiblyB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an experience similar. I had a crush on a girl when I was about 11/12, and would cycle up and down the road adjacent to it, hoping she would be outside, see me, and talk to me. But she hardly ever was. I would keep going back a forth for like 30 minutes at a time.
One time she was outside and I looked over to see if she noticed me and crashed straight into a lamp post.
Another time she saw me and shouted over "what are you doing?" and I just said "cycling"...
I was an awkward child.
grokforpay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:00:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this in High School :(. It didn't work.
Whynautilus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:17 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, super late reply but I did the same thing in middle school with the girl I had a crush on.
SheiraTiireine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:07 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They definitely knew.
MuffinRacing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sigh
"Is /u/thecoolrobot running around outside again?"
"...yeah..."
"Dammit... Guess I'll go invite him in"
Surprsdpinguino ยท 3235 points ยท Posted at 19:27:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Girl sent me obviously provocative picture of herself on Snapchat saying "wyd?"
I was eating dinner at the time which was spaghetti and so I sent a picture of it back saying "Spaghetti". She pretty much stopped taking to me after that.
9gagispoo ยท 1136 points ยท Posted at 00:46:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, what are you supposed to do? Whip out your dick at family dinner?
BunnyFoo-Foo ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 03:37:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the meat balls!
_DeletedUser_ ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 01:22:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Uncle Touchy's job.
Noble-saw-Robot ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:47:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what kinda weird family dinner are you having where your dick isnt already out?
irou- ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:17:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he was suppossed to make a makeshift dick of spaghetti and meatballs for testicles.
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 05:26:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at least caption it "give you my noodle"
FoodBank ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:10:10 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You really want her first impression of your package to be that of a noodle (with tiny peas around it)?
MrPokinatcha ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:28:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that what WYD stands for? Whip Your Dick out??
Fashion_art_dance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:55 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What you doing
HideYourDaughtersSir ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:37:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You go to the bathroom ofc, send a fire nude
wildcard5 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:27:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is the normal protocol, yes.
EMQG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:57:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't you?
WJ3000g ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:07 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um, yeah.
Pizzacrusher ยท 481 points ยท Posted at 19:59:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like a brilliant response. I like it. F her if she doesn't like spaghetti
rebelrob73 ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 23:20:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could've if he didn't mention spaghetti
GotHamm ยท 217 points ยท Posted at 00:28:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not going to lie I would have done the same thing because thatโs hilarious.
sunshine5403 ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 02:38:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldโve said noods
HBthePoet ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:27:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, yeah! He totally sent her noods!!
Vilkans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:21:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
send nods open meatballe
jake_eric ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 00:32:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wrong with spaghetti!?
MissFordhamRoad ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 23:22:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this sounds like me
TheJackFroster ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 01:55:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same minus the getting hot pictures part
bbpgrs ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:00:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/me_irl
Emptamar ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 00:58:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol I do that to guys all the time when I'm not interested. They don't seem to take the hint as well as your friend did though.
InCactusMaximus ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:40:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe they just like spaghetti
woodlickin ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:47:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fill my cooter with spaghooter.
drugdealingcop ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't bang. Eating spaghetti.
trey3rd ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 01:46:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wyd mean?
Caramelthedog ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 02:23:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What you doing?
Cyridrium ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 02:27:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's asking a question, wtf
yhgan ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:18:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wtf mean?
clitwasalladream ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 06:32:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck?
yhgan ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 06:34:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg I am just asking question. What's wrong with you?
Salmontaxi ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 12:22:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What does omg mean?
Joyceecos ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:44:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god!
SunCat_ ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 13:53:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Srsly why is everyone so weird here
Joyceecos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:56:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What does srsly mean?
TermyYT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:15:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously?!
ISpyALegend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jfc stop with the attitude he was just trying to learn something new.
HumongousTuna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:07:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pause
What does jfc mean, I see it everywhere?
SunCat_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:27:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Fucking Christ?!?!
You_Know_You_Need_It ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:36:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ffs could you guys just answer the damn question ?
Bamres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:28:45 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's FFS mean?
this_is_balls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:02 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
World Taco Federation
Caramelthedog ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 02:48:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canโt tell if troll or not.
Fiocoh ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:14:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naw that's u/Cyridrium.
Not sure who troll is.
trey3rd ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:25:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooooohhhhh. thanks!
ShadowMadness ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:19:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, okay. I guess it makes more sense then "would you do?" which is what I thought that meant.
Dirus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:34:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because of the provocative picture I thought it meant "would you do?"
paigezero ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:25:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whip-out yo dick.
InSajN ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 00:03:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mom's spaghetti?
KGBFriedChicken02 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:09:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something something, Nervous?
NiobiumGoat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:47:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knees weak, arms spaghetti.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:53:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
poopscooper34234 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:56:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spaghetti spaghetti already
Vilkans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's nervous, but on the surface he's mom's spaghetti
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:38:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BEGONE THOT
nwL_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:57:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...is there a better way to react? Spaghetti are important.
TalisFletcher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:53:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Actually, it's pretty narrow. But it's long."
treeturtles7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:42:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just laughed so hard at this I woke my SO up and he thought I was crying.
vaxfarineau ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 00:13:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A guy sent me a fucking thumbs up with a dumbass face and a "nice" when I sent what I thought was a bangin' ass body pic. So yeah, don't do that shit if you want in that poon.
KennyFulgencio ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 01:12:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what did you want him to send back?
vaxfarineau ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:15:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, considering we were fucking, not that. Maybe some flirty banter, I don't know?
KennyFulgencio ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 01:23:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We don't know either :( Girls say "it's so easy, just don't say something stupid and fuck it up", but sometimes that feels like hearing "winning the lottery is so easy, just don't pick the wrong numbers".
vaxfarineau ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 01:24:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would say compliment her instead if making it jokey. Flirty/sexy banter. Spaghetti may be honest, but it seems disinterested and does nothing for her. Saying something like "having a hard time focusing on dinner now" is much better.
KennyFulgencio ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 01:28:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I am taking notes.
pleasehelpssll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will you use them?
JanJonDijonMustard ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:23:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where the hell am I supposed to use these things?!
mudbutt20 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:51:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So lie?
pleasehelpssll ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:27:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do I avoid saying something and fucking it up Shannon ?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:40:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
KennyFulgencio ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 01:41:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did reply with something playful, and it wasn't appropriate. Don't be discouraged, you're doing an exceptional job of imagining being that stupid.
Statistikolo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:12:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?
AramisNight ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 01:20:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't even know and your the one creating this situation, I guarantee he is going to know even less and you have no right to any expectation of what happens next.
HMCetc ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:16:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a girl and I have to agree here. Unless you've established the rules already then it's not going to be clear what the expectations are. Tbh I personally would prefer to receive a spaghetti pic over a dick pic any day. That's just my personal preference. Dicks look weird.
AramisNight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:13:02 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never understood the compulsion some men seem to have about sending women those. I have one and i don't particularly enjoy looking at it. In fact it grosses me out a little. Why the hell would i assume a woman would want to look at that?
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 01:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AramisNight ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 02:03:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is true. But what you want and what you are likely to get are not always going to match no matter how reasonable. Not everyone is capable of what you expect. I'm entirely incapable of flirting even with hand held. No amount of expectation on my part or anyone else's will ever fix that.
[deleted] ยท -67 points ยท Posted at 02:05:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ihatesellingcoffee ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 02:36:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao, totally unnecessary and rude my dude
merdre ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:22:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, it's a big leap to take socialization advice from "chunkyCummies" over here.
messycer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not his fault his toddler of a mom gave him that username.
AramisNight ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:49:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never claimed socially capable men are rare. I don't suggest anyone should settle for me. But then again i fail to understand why it is i am the emotional toddler, when you are the one choosing to stoop to personal attacks.
[deleted] ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 08:01:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Failing to take a hint seems to be a pattern in your life
AramisNight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:59 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't disagree.
Beyond_Birthday ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:16:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being bad at flirting = being an emotional toddler? I don't think that's quite how it works. Emotional intelligence isn't solely gauged on your ability to flirt; everyone has different strengths. Also that attack was totally uncalled for. Speaking of acting like a toddler, you may want to reevaluate how you treat people.
[deleted] ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 08:24:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since you men can't understand anything without being excruciatingly explicit, I'm being excruciatingly explicit
Beyond_Birthday ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:46:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you're being an entitled piece of shit. It takes more than flirting to make a relationship. What about empathy and understanding? What about kindness or a good sense of humor? It's unrealistic to find someone perfect in every single regard. Everyone's flawed in some manner. Just because someone isn't that good at flirting doesn't mean they can't make up for that in other aspects, and it doesn't mean you can just throw it in their face.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:59:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Entitled for not wanting to date manchildren. This is reddit, everyone
Newsflash kiddo: you're not entitled to any sort of relationship from anyone
Beyond_Birthday ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:30:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not even going to refute any of the points I made? So it doesn't matter if you're funny, compassionate or caring? Apparently if you can't flirt well you're a manchild who doesn't deserve to be loved.
You're free to date who you want, as is your prerogative. It's also my right to call you out on your bullshit when you start attacking someone. For some reason you think you're the spokesperson for women across the globe. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of women out there who would appreciate someone who can be compassionate over someone who happens to be good at flirting.
Also you completely twisted what I was trying to say. I never said I was entitled, I was merely pointing out the fact that you have unrealistic expectations if you expect to come across a partner who doesn't have at least one flaw. For some people that might be flirting, doesn't make them a manchild.
But whatever. I've given up trying to have an intelligent conversation at this point. It would be interesting to hear the opinion of other women on the matter though, preferably ones who are more capable of having a mature discussion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sense some bitterness about this. Do you get rejected a lot?
Beyond_Birthday ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:34:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Resorting to Ad Hominem now? Nah, not going to take the bait sorry.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:38:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Resorting"? Oh honey. Like you didn't rage write 3 paragraphs on how awful I am.
Empathy seems to be a reoccurring issue here
Beyond_Birthday ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:47:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was trying to defend someone you rudely attacked. Reddit is toxic enough as it is. Yeah, I got annoyed when you took a single character flaw and automatically assumed he must be some sort of 'manchild'. Everybody has flaws and weaknesses, you too. If you find those sort of men unattractive, then more power to you. I don't see why you have to go around putting them down while you're at it though.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your brave story.
Beyond_Birthday ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:10:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pathetic.
Slim_Charles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:02:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone ever tell you that you're a cunt?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:25:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Angry manchildren are not very original, yeah
Slim_Charles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you ever stop to wonder that if a lot of people seem to be condemning you for something, then perhaps it is actually you that is in the wrong?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:40:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FreakingSpy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just logged in to tell you that this thread is really sad. I hope that you can become a better person some day and see others as actual human beings, with feelings, flaws and insecurities, just the same as you.
Best of luck.
S4ndvich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:50 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that makes you feel better ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:29 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats on making that emote without the missing arm.
S4ndvich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:56 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, I'll forward it to RES for the live preview.
chefkoolaid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:51:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No you are being foolishly superficial and guaranteed missing out on connections with some splendiferous humans.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:57:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'm doing just fine, "missing out" on people who need to have every emotion explained to them
chefkoolaid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:06:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best of luck with that
SadGhoster87 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:08:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/2meirl4meirl
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:53:22 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flirting, sure. Flirting at the drop of a hat when you send nudes mid family dinner? Not so. I once got a nude, 2pm during my lunch break in the office surrounded by coworkers. Almost dropped my phone. Social skills are sufficiently proven by no one finding out about it, imo. Fuck flirting back with no build up.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:47:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then actually flirt instead of sending pictures.
vaxfarineau ยท -27 points ยท Posted at 01:21:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooook. I would like someone to show some interest instead of something like that lmao
MyCoOlYoung ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 01:31:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like he was pretty interested to me
rnykal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:48:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk, if you sent a girl you were intimate w a pic of your johnson and she said ๐nice, that wouldn't seem a bit dismissive and disinterested to you?
MyCoOlYoung ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:55:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be overjoyed if that was her reaction to sending her my johnson lol
rnykal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Different strokes for different folks, but I can understand someone thinking that's a little dismissive. Like it almost could be read like they didn't even want to see it and are just being polite. That's the problem with text, you can't get extraverbal signals, so when you're nervous or insecure, like after sending nude photos, everything you read passes through that lens.
vaxfarineau ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 01:33:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He literally opened another one after that and said nothing. And then went on a trip with a girl for a week ans got drunk and slept in the same bed with her. So no. Lol.
[deleted] ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 01:38:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐ฌ nice
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:51:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Opened another what? And why is he dumb when you chose to sleep with him? Doesn't that make you dumb too?
Sending pictures ain't flirting. You gotta more than send selfies if you're actually looking for a conversation. Of course, you wouldn't be on fucking SnapChat if you were interested in more than shallow bullshit anyway.
You do not sound like a winner.
vaxfarineau ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:01:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess on reddit we take 0.002% of a situation and run with it
vaxfarineau ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:56:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the assessment, internet stranger!
allthewayfucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:39 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly, but let's get all pissed off anyway, right?
vaxfarineau ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:07:13 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is from days ago, I'm not arguing with you, please kindly fuck off
jrmyster7 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:03:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh geez. Have a sense of humor.
vaxfarineau ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:16:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh jee, sorry, it didn't translate well. The nuances of a jokey tone in person aren't found on the internet a lot of the time.
SadGhoster87 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:09:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I may be crucified for this but the amount of "oh geez" reminded me of Morty.
jrmyster7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:17:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh OK, no biggie!
MoonPoolActual ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:04:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd smash for spaghetti.
ultimatecaissie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:24:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have Snapchat?
MoonPoolActual ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:26:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No.
NiobiumGoat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:49:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dayum, rejection
MoonPoolActual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
thisisaverylongword ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:34:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
has a quick breakdown of hysterical laughing
pleasehelpssll ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:27:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you actually meant to do?
Forkyou ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:40:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She seems to have a rather strict spaghetti policy
Spitfiiire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite one
badmoney16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:44:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best one here. Congrats!
CappnKrunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a power move bro
alreadytakeniguess ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:35:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mom's spagetti. Dammit, you forgot the 'mom' part. See what you've done.
OECU_CardGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was nervous already.
IAmListerOfSmeg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:05:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is almost poetic, top work
surferstoner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:58:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
one time I got a snap of boobs and replied with a pic of me eating a chicken pot pie with no caption
we dont talk anymore either
RedditUser0345 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:45:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this thread is supposed to be cringy but god. It's fucking cringy as hell. Even the non cringy replies are cringy. Yours was funny tho. Fuck that bitch.
ZeePirate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
U werent wrong
TheUndoneSweater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty damn funny.
VagueBirthplace ยท 10431 points ยท Posted at 17:56:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I had a friend who lied a lot. I went to her house one day and she had those little colorful gobstoppers unwrapped all over the floor of her room. I asked her if I could have one and she kept insisting they weren't gobstoppers but wouldn't tell me what they were. I figured she was lying and when she left the room momentarily I popped a few in my mouth. Turns out they weren't gobstoppers, they were plastic balls from a game. I kept them in my mouth for probably 45 minutes until she left the room again just so she wouldn't see.
Babyrabievaccine ยท 4447 points ยท Posted at 23:15:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister loved Bottle Cap Candy and I found a piece of chalk that looked the same color as her candy so I plopped it in my mouth. My sister, thinking I'd gotten into her candy stash accused me of eating all of her candy. Of course, I had a mouthful of chalk, not a mouthful of candy but I was so embarrassed I'd eaten chalk I just said "Sure did!" and then snuck into her room and ate all of her candy while she was telling my mom on me.
[deleted] ยท 2746 points ยท Posted at 23:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might as well do the crime
Babyrabievaccine ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 23:28:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting beaten anyway. May as well get beaten on a sugar high.
bexyrex ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 23:37:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:(
crashdoc ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 01:40:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<Sigh>... I'll get the jumper cables
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:47:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its the only way I get off these days
spluge96 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:35:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend of mine says this about his constantly being accused of cheating on his old lady/baby-mama. I keep reminding him he is a used up, ugly, hot mess of swirling trash water. But good luck!
richardsuckler69 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:18:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He truly is trash water. Thanks for doing the duty
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:12:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh... lol. I'm not sure if I believe my advice at that level.
HussellWilson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:34:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, I'm sure she's no prize either. Those types of people deserve each other.
oxygenfrank ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might as well do the time
leadabae ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're already doing the time, must as well commit the crime.
Storytellerjack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Double jeopardy.
ginguse_con ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 00:35:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found a piece of white chocolate on the floor in the corner of a closet when I was 6. Being 6, I didn't stop to think how or why it would be chocolate. I just jumped straight to it. And I did not even consider that it came from the floor.
It was a piece from a definitely-not-chocolate-flavored stick of deodorant.
sdoorex ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 01:25:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look on the bright side, it wasn't ant or rat poison.
foresttravestys ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:45:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i found a box of what i thought were pink gumballs in my friends treehouse. without thinking i popped one in my mouth and bit down. it exploded in my mouth and i immediately realized it was a paintball. my friend had seen and asked "did you just eat a paintball" i lied and said no. he wasn't buying it with the pink paint spilling out of my mouth.
i still get shit from him some 22 years later.
PsychoEliteNZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:12:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, that is amazing. Favorite story here by far!
thetruthhurts34 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:23:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell her and your mom this story
Babyrabievaccine ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 00:23:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No thanks. That would require speaking to them and I'm not about that life.
MattMocha ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:38:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn.
PsychoEliteNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, what happened?
Babyrabievaccine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:49:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can search my history for my sister's story. My mother was an abusive alcoholic. We don't get along.
AnticitizenPrime ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:10:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm worried about all the people in this comment chain who apparently just eat shit lying around that kinda looks like food
Babyrabievaccine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kids do that.
UrinalCake777 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:42:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. The real awkward is in the comments.
Freakychee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think thereโs is a local Malay idiom โmacam cicak makan kapur โ which transfers to โlike a lizard/gecko ate chalkโ which roughly means to do something embarrassing.
I always thought it was a weird idiom until I read your story and now it all makes sense now.
anonymous6366 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:22:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
to be fair eating chalk isnt much different than eating bottle caps
JackPoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good God I love you
HoodedPotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is amazing.
kaylashalayla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOLLLLLLLL!!!!!
imgurundercover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hollllly cow this is hilarious
kimakiya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol "in for a penny, in for a pound!!!"
alreadytakeniguess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They think they'll punish me for something i didn't do? Haaa. I'll show them.
alreadytakeniguess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They think they'll punish me for something i didn't do? Haaa. I'll show them.
Furkensturf ยท 7443 points ยท Posted at 23:20:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Her: "Don't eat those, they're not food"
You, internally: "she just doesn't want me to eat her precious floor candy, I'll show her"
GodMonster ยท 242 points ยท Posted at 23:29:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend who was touring The Mattress Factory museum in Pittsburgh with her boyfriend. They were told in no uncertain terms that they were not to stray from the group, so they decided to stray from the group and go exploring. They found themselves in a room in the basement with a floor covered in what looked to them like broken glass. My friend, being the adventurous soul that she was, had a hunch that she should pick up a piece and lick it and was rewarded with the tasty flavor of spun sugar candy. Apparently they didn't want her to eat their precious floor candy because it was actually part of an upcoming art installation that was not yet open.
FeatheredSun ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 23:47:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow, that ended a LOT better than I thought it would...was thinking she was licking fiberglass or something.
Painful AND Cancerous?? DON'T MIND IF I DO!!
nn5678 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 08:40:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why does it taste like blood?
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 01:45:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Untoasted-Bread ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:54:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not at all what you think it is. If you like abstract art (hence, the name) I highly recommend a trip!
spluge96 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:37:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crafty artisans and their glass candy.
irrigated_liver ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:36:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An entire room with the floor covered in sugar?
Do they want ants? Because that's how you get ants
canquilt ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:54:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Willy Wonka and the Mattress Factory?
WagnersWorkshop ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:43:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Come with me, and you'll see, there's a worlddddddd of mattress relaxation!
Anshin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:46:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really confused why there is sugar candy flavored glass under the mattress factory museum
Anal_Werewolf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:41:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Majored in fine art, but damn. You dropped that like a wiped gun while you strolled out of a crime scene.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mattress_Factory
Thanks for making me look it up though. I'd never heard of it.
Ku-xx ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 00:53:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Precious Floor Candy"
Got my new band name, thanks, dude!
Edit: redundancy
Dorotheos ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:07:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
futureyoufromthepast ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 00:48:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie Day, is that you?
ComicsByVolume ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:34:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CHAWLEE
VagueBirthplace ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 00:08:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly it fit her character very well, she would have definitely lied about something like that. And she just refused to tell me what they were instead; so my brain just assumed she couldn't come up with a lie for it and therefore obviously I had to steal her floor candy.
BigTwo-HeartedRiver ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:21:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did I read this in Jeremy's voice from Peep Show
AWhaleNamedPetunia ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:07:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this comment made my damn night! ๐
roeravid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:35:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This hits so close to home
JaryJyjax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something from It's Always Sunny out Raising Hope.
LucianoThePig ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:49:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey! Floor ice cream gives you health!"
ThisIsAWittyName ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:31:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Mmm, floor pie!" - H. J. Simpson, Esq.
OfficialDiscoveryAMA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:53:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ladies love that
ElCarabo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This joke brought to you by Richter & O'Brienโข
oxygenfrank ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, chalk tastes good and candy is really good to draw with
JumpingSunflower ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been the first time on Reddit I couldn't hold my laugh in. Thank you!
MsZbornaksRoomie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:54:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just peed more than a little.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:16:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god that's golden lmao
TexLH ยท 293 points ยท Posted at 19:06:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ben Wa Balls?
VagueBirthplace ยท 164 points ยท Posted at 19:13:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that would have been awful. It was actually the balls from Hungry Hungry Hippos, I think? Or some other children's game.
CharltonBreezy ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 22:57:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were Ben wa balls, just accept it
JasmineC91 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:17:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean ravenous ravenous rhinos?
sirkelly55 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:19:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Voracious voracious vaginas?
Not_A_Throwaway999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reeses pieces, I don't know who John Cleese is?
1000Donuts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Things that rhyme with Orange
Not_A_Throwaway999 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:13:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't spell slaughter without laughter. God damn it's been a while, I need to listen to it again
Bosknation ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:28:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were Bocci balls.
Electric_Cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lawl
Subtitles_Required ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:28:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the playing pieces for Chinese checkers
JustTerrific ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:53:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"the balls from Hungry Hungry Hippos"
"the playing pieces for Chinese checkers"
People, people, they have a name. They're called marbles.
Emmia ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:02:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the balls from Hungry Hungry Hippos are made of plastic. If they were glass marbles, they would potentially break the toy.
JustTerrific ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:25:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are plastic, but still referred to as marbles.
As seen here.
SortaBlackKindaWhite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:55:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously weird I just read you're comment and within 5 seconds some guy on tv said hungry hungry hippos and the coincidence had me in awe for a moment. Definitely a funny moment and I really need some humor at the moment.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love these moments. Glad you got to catch one!
AcidBathVampire ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:57:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, Hungry, Hungry Hippos..the game that was specifically designed to drive moms crazy.
offlein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weapons & Warriors
602Zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Equally as disgusting as been wa balls
ditchesandhoes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:40:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wa wa wa wa
TalkinBoutMyJunk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:32:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know you're my dad because you use Ben Wah Balls
Ooooweeee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understand you might be familiar with Ben Wa technology?
Elm691 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed harder than I should have. I think those are jaw breakers. ;)
utried_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk about you but I canโt fit a few of those in my mouth...
julesburne ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:07:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that you wanted a mystery gobstopper unwrapped on the floor badly enough to steal it is somehow worse.
bobboobles ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:25:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They really were everlasting gobstoppers!
DarthPaulMaulCop354 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:22:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did you want Candy off the floor?
VagueBirthplace ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:54:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was like 8 years old so my judgment was not at its greatest. I think her not letting me have it made me want it more.
Groovyguy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2nd grade, a friend was telling me about a cheese factory tour he had taken over the summer break. He said, "that's where I got this!" He laid a hunk of cheese on the desk and walked away. I picked it up and took a bite of said cheese. That's when I found out erasers can sometimes look like cheese.
TheOnlyMuteMain ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:49:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't you have just said you were going to the restroom then spit them out and put them in your pocket?
VagueBirthplace ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:12:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
COULD have, but didn't.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:38:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate a piece of dog food on the floor once thinking it was a coco puff.
JasmineC91 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:17:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is like the lesson of the villages in 'the boy who cried wolf'. Don't always trust a liar to be lying. 'The girl who ate plastic'
SubtleMockery ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:24:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's... so not the lesson of that story.
JasmineC91 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:31:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the villagers learned that just because he lied the first few times doesn't mean there actually wasn't a wolf. The boy didn't learn a lesson about lying because he had been eaten. The lesson for us was not to lie in the first place.
SubtleMockery ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:49:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a fable. The moral is meant to be "don't lie about serious things all the time because when you're actually in trouble no one will believe you."
UnicornRider102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was exactly the lesson of that story. What did you think it was?
sweetheartsweetlight ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:45:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lesson is "don't lie or people won't believe you when you're serious" not "liars aren't always lying"
SubtleMockery ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:47:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly.
babobudd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:44:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to eat a child, wait for them to lie until nobody believes you're eating them.
In case you were serious, thought, the moral is "don't be a liar" not "trust liars."
Im_a_TARDIS_AMA ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:45:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I was told the point of the story was "If you lie all the time, no one will believe you when you're actually in trouble."
SubtleMockery ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:47:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I thought that was obvious.
ha3lo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the moral was โshow up then hide so everyone thinks heโs lying... eventually, free lunch!โ
TangoMike22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:37:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In school one day and I found some BBs in my jacket pocket. Guy next to me asked what they are and I said those little silver candies. He wanted one, so I told him they're really BBs. Of course he didn't believe me, so I gave him some, and he popped them into his mouth.
praisetehbrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why did you have BBs in your pocket?
zpuma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:33:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were a hungry hungry hippo I see.
McFagle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember one time as a kid I was super excited because I happened by a gumball machine and had a quarter on me and no parents to tell me "no". It was only once I popped it into my mouth and tried to bite down that I realized I had actually just bought a superball.
Kufat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:24:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 2-3 years old, my dad brought home some red licorice straws, but he insisted that they weren't actually red licorice. I tried one anyway.
They were weed wacker line.
VagueBirthplace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha I love it. You had a better excuse at 2-3 years old than I have for myself at 8-ish years old.
flat-duck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you got every single germ off that bad boy
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is now my favorite story.
Strider794 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the message of the boy who cried wolf
darkspy13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you avoid talking for 45 minutes?
VagueBirthplace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember exactly. I probably just mumbled or put my hand in front of my mouth.
Testicules96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:50:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why the fuck wouldnโt she just tell you they were plastic balls?
VagueBirthplace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:54:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I'm saying!!
jrm2007 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:18:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed out loud! This is the best so far. Sometimes even liars tell the truth.
Whywouldanyonedothat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend growing up who didn't like to share. He had a bowl of hard candies on his table and I asked if I could have one. I couldn't because they were prank candies filled with pepper. I said I'd like to try one anyways but I still couldn't.
I ate one when he left the room to take a dump. Very disappointing, I couldn't taste any pepper, at all. Lying turd!
jutshka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
anal beads?
SF1034 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read โliedโ as โdiedโ and was supremely confused.
Mat_the_Duck_Lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, she noticed.
OfficialDatGuyisCool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thats pretty funny
Citypatown42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good practice for later life
iEpidemics ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:57:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend: "/Vaguebirthplace where's my balls go?"
Vaguebirthplace: "Oh I think they went under the couch." (Or substitute this with copy pasta face that I'm too lazy to do on mobile. Someone help me out, thanks fam.)
cccoffeeegurl ยท 16287 points ยท Posted at 19:10:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's mom rolled my hand up in the window of the car while I was in the backseat. It hurt really bad but I was too awkward to say anything so I rode for about 10 minutes with half of my little hand squashed and hanging out the rolled-up window. I think eventually I said "um... ow" or something to alert her to the situation.
ApolloSt ยท 7867 points ยท Posted at 21:59:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would laugh so hard if I was passing your car and saw that. Half a hand squished in a window and a kid sitting there pretending like nothing hapenned.
Driesens ยท 387 points ยท Posted at 23:26:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume the kid did it to himself. That's the sort of thing i would have done as a child
FlameSpartan ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 23:48:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I did do this once
koayenay ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:09:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me thrice
tsuolakussa ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 01:35:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 7-9, I liked to stick my head/arms out the window in the car, and once my mom not noticing rolled up all the windows, and almost crushed my larynx. I thought she did notice me doing it, because I did it constantly, and got yelled at for it. If my arms weren't further our the window she wouldn't have been able to hear me banging on the roof of the car.
PM_ME_SHIHTZU_PICS ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 02:06:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I bet she did notice.
throwafuckfuck ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:10:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My grandmother told me if I left my hand on the window and she rolled it up it would chop off my hand. Nipped that shit right in the bud.
N1ck1McSpears ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:06:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We must be cousins. My grandma told me that it actually happened to someone though and I believed her... for waaaaay too long
throwafuckfuck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:08:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right like I think I didn't fully think "no, that's silly!" Until just now bc I forgot about it completely.
Julian_rc ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 00:01:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Can't believe she punishes her son like that!"
SleeplessShitposter ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:21:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He does a little crimply wave with his fingers.
FlameSpartan ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 23:49:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have to pull over and just let the laughter take me. There's no defense for something like that, man.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:13:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha
Get_Jhinxed ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:22:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was 25 years old at the time
rockymtnmama ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:32:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am having a difficult time not laughing & waking my fam.
hopper325 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:40:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The back windows in my car roll forward at the bottom when wound down. Had a friend in the back and his arm was out the window when i started winding it up and got his arm caught. I thought it was hilarious.
wanton-tom-tom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:29:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And miss the golden opportunity for a drive by high five?
qaqawdwd ยท 1824 points ยท Posted at 22:49:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like the longer you didn't say anything, the more awkward the situation became lol
oxygenfrank ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:41:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how most of these stories are turning out
DigbyChickenZone ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 02:06:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of this clip
paraworldblue ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:21:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That entire show is basically just a social anxiety simulator. I love it but I can only handle it in small doses.
paraworldblue ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:46:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is always the case, but instead of motivating you to say something, it just makes you feel more awkward because now in addition to saying the thing, you have to explain why it took so long, and you keep waiting longer, and the layers of explanations and apologies in your mind keep growing so after a certain point, anything you say will just come out as bizarre shouted gibberish.
GruesomeCola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, no shiting.
isarge123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:26:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially when someone else is in the bathroom.
ferrettt55 ยท 361 points ยท Posted at 22:16:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And she thought "Wow, it took them ten minutes to realize they were experiencing pain. We should probably see a doctor about that."
Or she thought you had just stuck your hand in there?
hellogoawaynow ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 00:02:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โI prefer it like this.โ
BrickTop94 ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 00:51:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"this is fine"
whatupmyknitta ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:20:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"This is my life now"
lilpuddycat ยท 303 points ยท Posted at 22:10:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh dear jesus im out of breath
ChaoticMay ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 22:56:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking crying from how hard I'm laughing
Techmoji ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:59:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, I canโt fuking breath! Imma need to stick my head out the window for some fresh air.
Multitaskin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:05:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least don't get your head stuck
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not even laughing at this one. I'm just sitting here imagining myself in that situation, even as an adult, and thinking, "yup. Sounds about right."
ImpendingSenseOfDoom ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:50:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah for real, I haven't had a laugh this good from a reddit post in a long time
KleverGuy ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 23:04:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. Jesus Christ.
Santialgo ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 23:24:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That exactly happened to me, but after 20 seconds of getting used to the pain I asked my friend's dad to open the window again for some fresh air because I felt suddenly dizzy.
TuesDazeGone ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 22:01:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, this happened to me too, except I didn't say anything until she parked and tried to open her door. She couldn't.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 23:14:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FFUCKING CHRIST. "um... ow" GOOD GOD
MasterofTag ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 22:31:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that but with my head. My mom almost executed me.
[deleted] ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 23:01:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MasterofTag ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 23:09:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that I think about it, I full on stuck my whole upper body out the window. I thought that the further I stuck myself out the window, the cooler I was. "Because cool people stuck their body out the window" or something like that.
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 23:48:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MiscBrahBert ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:21:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
go away loser
PrestigiousWaffle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:45:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend and I used to stick ourselves out the windows and talk over the roof.
NotMyThrowawayNope ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:18:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do none of you use seatbelts?
MasterofTag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:18:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess it wasnโt fastened tight, so there I was hanging half way out the window.
CheesyChickenChump ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 00:01:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeeeeeeeessss! I know the feeling!
A few years ago, when my friend's grandmother picked us up from school, she was distracted from talking on the phone and when I tossed my backpack into the car, she started driving, thinking I got in. The back wheel proceeded to roll over onto my foot, and I was like "UMMMM! Hold on!" Not the best choice in words as she then stopped and the tire was completely over my foot. I stood there for a good 5 seconds in a blank state of mind as she and my friend just stared at me. "The car... the tire is on my foot..." She immediately freaked out and rolled forward again. Thankfully, it was one of those small cars that don't weigh much, but just standing there not knowing what to say was pretty funny now that I think back to it. :)
truthtruthlie ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:52:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best one
wayaway4 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 23:50:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just can't stop laughing, thanks dude, haven't laught like that in a while.
I just picture your poor little hand all purple...
EscapeAddict ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:26:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10, I was in the school netball team.
We had to travel to another town for a carnival and our coach drove some of us, while parents drove others.
On the way back, I was in the back seat of the coach's car and noticed that she had cigarette lighters built into the back of the console.
I don't know why I did it, but... I guess I was used to the fact that the one in my parents' car didn't work.... it's the only explanation I have for why I DELIBERATELY STUCK MY FINGER INTO A CAR CIGARETTE LIGHTER.
Searing pain began to pulse through my finger and the stench of burning flesh filled the car.
I immediately shoved the lighter back in and silently nursed my burnt fingertip the entire 2.5 hour drive back to our town.
PuppleKao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:57 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew someone who did this to see if the lighter worked when the car was off. No holding their hand near it to see if it was warm, or checking for the glowing red bit... Nope, finger to lighter.
sizzle
EscapeAddict ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:45:04 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also once broke a plastic bag by poking my finger through it.
It stretched the plastic so that it was skin-tight across my finger, with a little warped tail where it had torn from the bag.
I then thought I'd see how quickly that would catch alight when I hovered it over the gas jet on the stove.
Immediately.
It immediately caught alight and for a few weeks, I had this hardened plastic adhered to my finger before it began to peel away and reveal the new, precious skin that I probably shouldn't have been allowed to own.
I'd like to say I was just a kid, but.. I was about 15 at the time.
DianiTheOtter ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 22:37:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying over here. This is the best story
ShineeChicken ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:25:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't stop laughing omg dear lord
This is absolutely the best
Araneophagous ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:11:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well this just sent me into a laughing fit that made me cry enough that I'm having to redo my makeup for work.
rahyveshachr ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:44:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man when I was little my mom was defrosting our garage freezer and I was watching behind her. She was crouched down and when she leaned back she stepped on my foot and I was too scared to say anything so I just stood there in a silent panic as tears welled in my eyes until she noticed. She felt sooo bad haha
cornycat ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:08:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ I'm literally crying laughing over this mental image
stranger_with_candy ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:29:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude same thing happened to me except eith a car door. My friends older brother closed his door on my hand and then notised my fingers when he went to buckle up. It hurt like hell but i shook it off cause he was cute.
Miserable_Fuck ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:33:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah shit, I didn't think I had any of these stories until yours reminded me of one.
My mom brought me to her office once, and they had a fridge with soft drinks and stuff. I was reaching in there for something and I noticed a bunch of frost buildup on the back wall of the inside of the fridge. I was like 7 years old so I was like "yeah I have to touch this shit".
So I did for a while, until my finger got stuck to the ice like a wet tongue to a cold pole.
So I panicked but of course didn't say a fucking word. A while later her boss comes in and sees me but doesn't notice my retarded situation. I knew I had to say something, so I awkwardly said "it's just...i'm stuck".
Just like that. No lead up, no nothing. He then came over and saw what was going on, took a glass of water and threw it on my finger. It came off the ice easily, but it was super flat and pale as fuck.
I could have lost a fucking finger because of dumb shit. Fuck.
freckledjezebel ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:48:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends mom handed me a piece of bread at dinner. As I took it I noticed a giant spot of mold on it, but was wayyyy too polite of a kid to mention it. I was absolutely about to eat that moldy bread rather than hurt her feelings/embarrass her but luckily my friend saw it and told her mom.
notthemonth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:00:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your post made me laugh for a few minutes... hardest I've laughed in ages. Partially because this is SO something I would've done as a kid, and I was also imagining an adorable little squished hand hanging out the window... Brought me to literal, hilarious, tears. My boyfriend was upstairs and thought I was sad crying. Thank you for this, so much.
aew360 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:23:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Tina Belcher?
cccoffeeegurl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:00:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much
TAYLOL7 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:38:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally have tears running down my face after reading this, thanks for sharing. Your poor little hand ๐
Tabs287 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:26:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my, this is the best one yet!
RussianRusset ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mom did that to younger brother once. I told her,though...Once I stopped laughing. She asked me WHY I hadn't told her earlier My reply? "I was laughing too hard" Had to walk home.
uselessartsdegree ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:35:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMFG I laughed so hard at this one.
Oxcart_STL ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:44:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is like little kid awkward type shit I love it
mahnkey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:13:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You win
IAmKennyKawaguchi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:48:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend do the same thing but she never said anything, she just waited until we arrived at our destination and then we noticed when she couldn't get out of the car because her hand was stuck.
ZorglubDK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:41:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't they just reach the switch (or crank) with their other hand and until it a bit?
IAmKennyKawaguchi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:46:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was one of those windows in the third row of a minivan that doesn't slide up and down, it just kind of vented a little, so there was no switch.
twocrooks ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:19:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best one. Iโm stifling my laughter at work just imagining your little hand ๐ค sticking out.
3PinkPotatoes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:34:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so sorry for your pain but I laughed so hard at this!
MisaMisa21 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:37:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao this happens on the 1st date with my now husband. He tried to be a gentlemen by opening and closing the car door for me. Except I wasn't expecting it and my finger got slammed by the door. I quickly opened and closed the door to let my finger out. It hurt so bad I thought I might actually be broken. It started going numb. I didn't want to ruin the mood as it was awkward as hell. So I decided to wait and see what happens. Luckily after like an hour I was able to move it again. It recovered with no problems, been 6 years now I still haven't told him.
allthewayfucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:46 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TELL HIM AND REPORT BACK!
HiFromMyTimeTravels ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:10:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This gave me a good laugh
seeingeyegod ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:24:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you either have a super high pain tolerance or it didn't hurt that bad. My mom closed the window on just my finger once and it was like panic level of pain "ow! ow! ow!ow! ow! ow! OPEN THE WINDOW!!!"
cccoffeeegurl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:00:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or I'm just THAT awkward
Jackers1983 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:36:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard
true_gunman ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:19:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Your comment just caused me about 3 minutes of uncontrollable laughter. Thanks
wattohhh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:26:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this gift
gremalkinn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:11:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg i did the same thing as a 6 or 7 year old kid in my grandma's minivan! She drove all the way up from Florida and I loved her like crazy but I was just a shy awkward little kid. My mom and her looked back and saw my hand stuck in the window and tears silently dripping from my eyes and they were both perplexed as to why I would suffer in silence. That event actually forshadowed what I would be like in the years to come.
kabes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:20:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face. Thank you for sharing this.
Morrdsith ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have been laughing for waaaay too long at this. Iโm sorry
chill_chihuahua ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:25:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm laughing so hard right now LOL
ronconcoca ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:18:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed this laugh today. Now I'm crying. Oh well. Thanks
TheCravin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:08:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, are you me? This exact thing happened to me as a kid, except it was my Aunts car. My uncle, in the passenger seat, eventually saw my fingers hanging out of the window and freaked out and put it down.
I seriously was telling my friends about this just a few days ago, I thought for a split second you were one of them stealing my story lol
Either way, hope your hand is okay lol
LukesFather ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:24:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was hanging out at a rock climbing competition recently, and felt something crawl off the front of my shirt and onto my neck. I quickly tried to seat it away but it was latched on. I didnโt want to just smash it since it had already bit me, and I didnโt want to mangle the body so I could know what it was and what the risks were. Instead of alerting my friend right away, like a normal person with something biting his neck, I waited for a pause in his conversation with another climber to ask him what was in my neck.
floorwantshugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:35:24 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what was it?
LukesFather ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:38:24 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some kind of large ant.
Jorricha ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:31:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to me but it was with my whole arm and head
alihh94 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:51:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Fucking hilarious ๐๐
kiz984 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this!
muddywaterz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:56:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how do I save this pure gold
Es10Ban ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/thisismylifenow ?
MegaCharizardY72 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:00:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't that hurt, like, a lot?
Sad_Alpaca ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:27:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure the mom wondered why you hadn't said anything for so long haha
frozen_food_section ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:56:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might be the funniest content on reddit. I'm imagining the dumbest most awkward child sitting there with their hand all crooked, straight faced and wide eyed, motionless for ten minutes until they finally muster up the courage to say "um.. ow" with an expression similar to the way Ross in Friends says "oh.. wow" definitely a little louder and more expressive than intended.
The_LionTurtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck would you not notice the super annoying wobbling sound that gets made when you have a back window open and the front ones are closed?
Neverevrmoar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckkkkk I was reading comments while laying in bed and couldnโt stop myself from laughing out loud. Thanks -_-
asimetrie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:59:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh god, same. my significant other's mom was driving us home, i opened the door way too early when she was parking, stepped out and my foot got ran over. i was too scared to say 'y-you ran over me leg' because i didn't know if i was supposed to use the formal or informal 'you' (think du vs Sie in german) so i just silently suffered for half a minute before letting out a whimper and 'oof ouch owie my leg is stuck'
SonumSaga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:50:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oof ouch owie, my hand bone
Avehadinagh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:13:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!redditsilver
Barely_beneficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have smashed the window with your big hand.
SpiralDragoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This literally happened with my head, mom was shocked that I stayed quiet
DrongoTheShitGibbon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this to my friends head on the way home from a concert. He said something right away though.
Torolottie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting out of the car and had my hand halfway on the door when my friend ended up closing the door on it. Well the guy who was driving locked the car and I was kinda in shock and didn't register what happened. I asked the guy if he's mind unlocking his car. He looks at me and asks if I forgot anything. Yeah my hand. Bruised something awful and hurt like heck. I honestly wouldn't have said anything if it hadn't been for the fact I couldn't get my hand out of the door.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, I've done this too. I didn't even say ow but ended up saying that the car was too hot to get my dad to roll down the window again. My sister, oblivious to the situation, complained it was cold though, so there was a lot of back and forth until we decided to just open my window since I was hot.
iamnumber47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something like that to myself once haha, I was getting in the car with my parents & a family friend to go get dinner, and slammed one finger in the door (yeah still don't know how I just got the one), didn't wanna say anything but also didn't want to open the door again, so my being the idiot that I am, decoded it would be better to just yank my finger out of the closed door. It was not better. I thought I broke it, but luckily I didn't but it was swelled up & bruised something awful for days after that .
cams26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sonewhat similar story. In high school, after a friend's party, a friend's dad offered to give a group of us a ride home in their van. I was the first to go in, next was our only male friend, the rest of the girls just behind him. As he was getting in, I saw my other friend go into the front seat, slam the door close, and put on the seat belt, and then our guy friend just stopped moving. He was halfway in and not budging or talking. We all thought he was messing around with all the other girls waiting to get in impatiently behind him. One of the girls even started roughly pushing and yelling at him to get in. That's when he just croaked out "my hand is stuck" but rather softly that we barely heard him thru all the yelling. My friend who's riding shotgun finally saw that she did indeed slam the door close on his hand, can't move and was in pain. He was lucky he didn't fracture his hand or anything. We were laughing about it all the way home.
Thumperkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom once rolled the wondow of the car on my hand when I was about 6. I sat there and looked at her as she left the car and closed her door then started yelling at me for not getting out. She eventually noticed and busted out laughing
NinjaGuyColter118 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least it wasn't your big hand
Skrimps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happened to me as well. Whats fucked up is, I was the one rolling it up, but my reaction was slow so I literally yanked my hand out as its crushing it at the same time.
slatetastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mom side of this, I dropped my 7 year old off at school one morning and I was pretty sure he caught his pinky in the door but he didn't react at all, so I went on home after for a minute to be sure. Not even an hour later, the school calls me bc his pinky is horribly swollen and he's crying his poor eyeballs out. Had to take him to the doctor to relieve the pressure. I felt like an absolute shit mom amd let him stay home and eat ice cream and watch YouTube all day
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. What? Why didn't you say anything?
anomicwatcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I put the window up on one of my kids. He cried and made me feel bad. Arsehole.
TreesBeesAndBeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. Was getting a ride home from a volunteer event with people I'd never met, and as I got in the backseat, I must have been holding the frame behind the front door, and the guy in front closed it on my hand.
I just sort of quietly tapped him on the shoulder and politely asked if he'd mind opening the door again so I could have my hand back. He freaked out and spent the whole ride checking my hand for broken bones.
Gottacatchemall_hp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This exact same thing happened to my brothers friend in my moms car
Jaycoozi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have toy hands crushed on windows, they could be the reindeer antlers of Halloween !
Robbiersa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaha, you just reminded me of my sisters bf closing his hand in the double glazed security windows in my dads car. We had been playing with the auto-up function that detected hands and reversed the window to avoid injuries, So this clod decides to put his hand in the path of the window and HOLD the up button (which continued up with maximum force as a security feature). We watched as his fingers bent at odd angles and he screeched. We were left to roll it down for him so he could pull it out, cause it seemed as though all brain function had ceased and he didnโt know what to do.
HizkiFW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a similar experience, but instead of rolled up, my arm was leaning at the bottom of the glass, so when my mom opened the window, my arm got squished down. It hurt really bad. I was a noisy kid at that time, so she ignored my screams of agony for a full 10 minutes while she talks with her friends.
Sullan08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's mom shut the trunk on my hand...that could've went worse than it did. She did one of those hard slams too.
SageRiBardan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the exact thing except it was my grandfather and I didn't say anything until he went to open the door.
happydayswasgreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's good damn beautiful. Thanks for sharing op. made my day.
get-a-line ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You did good, I screamed when this happened to me and it came out as a very girly scream...teenage years are weird...
violettheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister used to cry, like, constantly. She was always crying if she didn't get her way, so my dad instated a rule that we would ignore her if she started crying because she didn't get her way.
One day we were in the car with windows down and she had her hand out the window like the rest of us. My dad rolls up the window (with warning, I think it started raining and he said "I'm gonna roll the windows up now") and my sister just starts screaming and crying, pretty typical stuff honestly. Sounded like her usual tantrums, and we figured she was mad that we rolled the windows up.
A minute goes by and we realize that her hand got rolled up in the window. My dad felt so bad that we went to go get ice cream almost immediately afterwards and were asked "don't tell your mom about this."
walrus_herd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this post literally made me howl
b042 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just died laughing
Sunshine_4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me! Except it was my friendโs dad & I had wrapped my hand around the top of the door when getting out of the car. He put the windows up, shut the car off, got out and was almost in the house before I could quietly pipe up, โMr H? ... Mr. H my hand is caught in the window ...โ It all happened so fast & I was trying to just pull my hand out quietly before I had to speak up. My friends had a good laugh at that one!
Krakutis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to go to sleep. But these are the kinda comment that make me think "a few more wouldn't hurt"
lunaichor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one has me crying
WitNicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking done it's 3am here and I'm laughing so fucking hard at this thread I'm sure I've woken everybody up lmao
december_venus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm cryingggggggg
bhermoth12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
was having a bad day at work, and your comment made me laugh so much... thanks
thegiantcat1 ยท 17910 points ยท Posted at 18:25:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a club once, the DJ was taking requests to make a request you had to fill out a slip of paper and give it to him. Anyways I do this walk over and hand it to him and he was like
"Alright man nice" and held out his hand.
For some reason I though, oh he wants to hold hands and held his hand for like 10 seconds (fingers interlaced even) and just looked at each other the whole time. Then It hit me that he wanted a high five and I got super embarrassed.
TastyArsenic ยท 4684 points ยท Posted at 22:42:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a concert once and the lead singer was down in the crowd. When he went past my friend he high-fived him so when he came to me I went to high five him as well. He grabbed my hand and pulled me in, like shoulder to shoulder and started singing with me. Which would be cool but they were the opener (who I hadn't heard of) and it was a brand new song so I just have to stand there in this man's arms pretending to sing a song I hand never even heard before. I think if it had lasted any longer I would have exploded out of sheer awkwardness
TapuKoko ยท 356 points ยท Posted at 00:32:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You made me remember the time I was in the front row at a rock concert. The lead singer reached out with his forehead and put it against mine with the mic in between. I guess he wanted me to sing along the lyrics but I didn't really understand so I just stood there, grinning like an idiot.
blairwaldorfmustpie ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 01:07:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what band was it? if that were me i'd probably do the same, or just pass out
TapuKoko ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 02:06:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe the band was called RED. This was back in 2011 or 2012, I really didnโt understand what was going on at the time. Luckily my friends keep reminding me so it doesnโt happen again!
artemis_nash ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:53:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What good friends <3
I bet they're considerate enough to tell the story when you've brought a new person you're dating to hang out with them, you know, just to remind you so you don't accidentally do something embarrassing like that on your date as well.
CharleSenpai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:45 on November 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you remember if they have a song called Breathe Into Me?
TapuKoko ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:55 on November 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah they did!
CharleSenpai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:35:58 on November 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha cool! Iโve had that song on my phone for years now
mr_trick ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 15:35:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me, it was the main act as well and I was in the front row, but my friend had dragged me along as a favor and I had never heard the band's music before. It was one of those stages where there's no barricade, you just go up to the actual stage (about chest height) and the singer knelt down on his knees and grabbed my head to pull it close to the mic. I didn't know any of the words and just got this deer-in-headlights expression while silence rang through the room for a few seconds.
I think his look of disappointment was the worst thing, as he obviously expected someone at the front row of their headlining concert to know the words to their most popular song.
i_am_GORKAN ยท 249 points ยท Posted at 00:17:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I exploded with awkwardness reading this post. My brain also added you were there with a date and the whole thing was being televised live
TastyArsenic ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 00:25:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a date but there with friends. There might have been cameras too, it was the other bands album release party
i_am_GORKAN ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 00:58:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
exploding intensifies
roguetroll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The singer knew he wasn't singing, but he didn't care. He was playpacking anyway... ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
artemis_nash ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:51:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Playpacking"?
roguetroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't judge my phone, he's special.
artemis_nash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh, haha. It sounded just enough like a real thing that I thought I was OOTL. Still though, what was it supposed to say?
roguetroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Playbacking? Is that not a verb? Like, lip syncing?
artemis_nash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh yeah I get it! I would have said lipsynching and I don't think I've ever heard playback used as a verb, but I'm with you now!
[deleted] ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 01:21:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mudra311 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:27:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo, I'd be so happy. I'd probably kiss him.
Double-Helix-Helena ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 00:01:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What band was it/who were they opening for?
TastyArsenic ยท 135 points ยท Posted at 00:16:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fast romantics opening for said the whale. It was a rad concert
aquaticrna ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 00:24:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Band name checks out
ScaryBananaMan ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:53:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, damn..
artemis_nash ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:55:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Irrelevant to the topic at hand but:
I nanny for a two year old, and she has many stuffed animals that all have names (which include Purple Pig the blue dog and Screen Time the elephant), and one of them is a multi-colored giraffe named Scary Banana Man!
leadabae ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think we all have a bit of scary banana man in us.
ScaryBananaMan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:51:08 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely. I would love to be inside everyone here just a little bit ๐
ScaryBananaMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:07 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha this is really fantastic, I love it! You should definitely tell her you met another Scary Banana Man the other day, I hope she enjoys and appreciates the chance meeting as much as I do.
Also, I used to have a German Shepherd mix named Blue Dog... I'm loving all of these shared names!
PuppleKao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:03 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tend to skip over usernames, and just read the comments, unless someone specifically says something about the username. For some reason it took me way too long to figure out that's what was going on, here. :p
Also, love the names. :D
dattree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that you care necessarily, but the former bassist for Said The Whale is now a quite successful DJ/producer by the name of Ekali
Letsdoyogaagain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I caught their tour last spring, also didn't go in as a fan of Fast Romantics but was by the end of their set! Also met the singer, nice dude
DrogbasForehead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same! I was a photographer at one of their tour stops and I was there mainly for Said the Whale. Really enjoyed Fast Romantics set and they even used one of my photos as one of their tour shots!
VeryWyrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:03 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so one of my friends has the exact same story and I literally thought I knew you when I read your initial post. Seeing it was in fact Fast Romantics/Said the Whale has only confirmed it is exactly like the incident I'm thinking of, but where did this happen? I need to know if they did this at multiple shows or what.
TastyArsenic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:25 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In toronto at lee's palace
VeryWyrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:48 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well in that case the lead singer from Fast Romantics learned nothing and did it again a few nights later in another city. Except in this case, my group of friends knew the words to one of their songs, so that may have led him to think my one friend might know more lyrics. But even the whole high-fiving someone else in my group before trying to start the sing along happened. What a coincidence!
TastyArsenic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:29:35 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. That is bizarre
frolicking_elephants ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 23:49:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sound like you have a new favorite band!
LordCunnilingus ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 01:11:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the band being awkward. To assume that some guy knows the lyrics when you're an opening act shows a certain lack of self awareness.
TastyArsenic ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:14:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh for sure. They were a little self indulgent for an opener. Especially considering it was the OTHER bands album release party
ThisCrookedVulture ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 01:24:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking hate when people sing at me.
demonballhandler ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:40:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at this guy who's cool enough to get serenades.
walkingmonster ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:13:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens every other dayyyyy and sometimes they give me chocolates or a homemade coupon for a free hand job ugh my life just sucks :((((((((
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in the voice of that one lady from you can stop at five or six stores or just one who says she hates it when people touch her.
PrivateCaboose ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:19:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yuuuuuup. I went to see The Dear Hunter and Rainbowdragoneyes was opening for them. I got there super early to make sure I got a good spot, Rainbowdragoneyes takes the stage, I have no idea who this dude is but itโs chiptunes Metal so Iโm having a good time. During one of his songs that several people around me seems to know, the chorus comes along and the dude sticks the microphone in my face.
I wonder how many people knew that muttering โOh no....nononoโ was not how that song goes.
BlakeDeadly ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 06:20:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend was close to front row at a concert once, and was wearing a fake flower bobby - pinned in her hair. The lead singer sang a song with a line about "flower in her hair" and came over and tried to pluck it from her hair, except of course there were like 15 bobby pins holding that thing in. But he didn't walk away, he just kept tugging on it (hee) and frizzed up a big chunk of her hair in the process.
hedili ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 10:22:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. I'd like to know what went through their heads when he was trying to do that.
fallout52389 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:00:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god that's one of my fears! To go to a concert and the band plays a song I don't know and hold up the mic to sing the next lines and I'd have no clue....
drivebyjustin ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:35:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just go โyabba dabba doo!โ
FeatheredSun ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:04:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this move! But he was really taking a risk that you would know the words. Oh well.
fedo_cheese ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:44:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody who knew that song totally knew you didn't. If your version of the story is true then you got caught off guard so I'd say it should have been pretty easy to laugh this one off. The people I have no sympathy for are the attention seekers who are a big distraction to the show and constantly trying to get the band's attention but as soon as they are put on the spot they clam up OR they try to fake it and it's super cringy. Sometimes bands will call those people on it, i love that.
On the other hand I always feel empathy towards those who sort of accidentally wind up in that spot you were in. I've been to a lot of concerts. It happens more than you'd think. And some bands try the "fake it till you make it" thing and it just doesn't work. Sorry guys but we're not in the front for you. Now hurry up and finish your set.
artemis_nash ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:23:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds hilarious--have you actually seen a singer call someone out on not knowing the words or something? What happened?
Once several years ago I was at a Steve Aoki show, and he had a song about planes so I wore a pilot hat. I was on someone's shoulders and drunkenly pointing at my hat trying to get Steve to look at me (I fully realize now how obnoxious I was being) and one of his boys on stage grabbed a mic and said "every single show, there's always some drunk girl with a pilot hat on who thinks she's special" and Steve says into his mic something like "yeah but thank god for them because their drunk asses get me paid!" Ugh.. humiliating -.-
EDIT: correction... it wasn't even a plane pilot hat, it was a fucking sailor hat. Smh. https://imgur.com/a/yQz9a
d-d-d-dirtbag ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:19:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That kind of stuff has happened to me so many times at shows! Even if it's a band I've heard a thousand times, the second the microphone gets near my face I lose all fucking clue what the lyrics are and just end up with either a super awkward silence or singing the wrong part of the song. Both make me cringe super hard.
HussellWilson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happens to me every time I drunk karaoke. I've never sober karaoked'.
d-d-d-dirtbag ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:35:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never been drunk enough to do karaoke. I can barely help my boyfriend test his microphones without being embarrassed.
SavouryPlains ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:47:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my girlfriend?
I recorded her voice once for a sound effect. Two words. Took me an hour to convince her.
TomasNavarro ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:18:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went to watch a band who I liked, and while I could sing the words to a lot of their songs, maybe less than half, and I hadn't really listened to their entire album for a good year.
Suddenly at one point the mic ended up in my face, and not being sure what the lines were to the song, I just growled.
Later my friend was like "Good growl!" so it all turned out right at the end
comehomedarling ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:49:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But if it had been a song by r/brandnew you would have sang every word in perfect harmony... right?
Roxanne1000 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:06:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to see AC/DC in 2015, and the opener like legit thought everyone was there to see them, the way they were acting
artemis_nash ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:49:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I realize this isn't what you meant at all, but when you said "shoulder to shoulder" my brain took it as "shoulders to shoulders" and I pictured him standing behind you with an arm around your chest, kind of like stand-up spooning, and singing into the mic right by your ear. Implausible, but it increased the theoretical awkwardness level to over 9000.
ledaclone ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:13:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After a Sugarcult concert one of the guys jumped off stage and went over to this girl and gave her a hug. I was like โoh sweet!โ and went in for a hug also. When I saw the look on his face as he leaned in for our awkward hug I realized he hugged the first chick because he actually knew her. Nearly 15 years ago and itโs still cringey.
Kootsiak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:42:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want you to know that I think this is amazing.
the_caitallo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:27:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar experience only instead of pulling me in and singing dude stepped on my hand because he was attempting to do some kinda walking on the crowd thing? To this day I still don't know exactly what he was doing nor how my hand didn't get hurt from being bent the wrong way under a grown man's weight. Lol
howyadoinnnn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. Once at Warped Tour the lead singer of a band I liked but didn't know every word to every song came into the crowd (which I was in the front row of) and gave me the mic to sing the chorus. Luckily I knew the main refrain and could sort of yell the rest or else it could have been really awkward.
compassion_first ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The second-hand embarrassment is unbearable...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, the lead signer probably thinks he fucked up as much as you hahahaha!
Wackydetective ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ. My face is turning red just from reading this.
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a concert the other day of a band that I didn't know every song of, and the lead singer kept singing to the audience members at the front, grabbing their hands, and smiling at them. I was so worried she was going to do that on a song I didn't know and was prepared to ad lib syllables so she'd think I was singing along.
paraworldblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kiiiiinda sounds like the singer was the awkward one in this scenario.
poopy_toaster ยท 5966 points ยท Posted at 22:06:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โYou and me? We are now friends.โ
Edit: Well shit, gained so many friends just now!
acog ยท 310 points ยท Posted at 00:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, think how cool it'd be if it really worked that way. You see some guy being a dick at a party and you grab his hand and hold it for a couple of seconds.
You: Hey man, now that we're friends I have to level with you, you're being a bit of a dick.
Him: You know, if we weren't friends I'd hit you. But since you ARE a good friend.... you've given me a lot to think about.
lzrae ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 00:42:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to do this next time I think a stranger is being a dick.
PimpNamedSparkPlug ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 00:56:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gets smacked in the face
nonegotiation ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 01:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
by a dick
lzrae ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't be the first time
blotterfly ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 01:26:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or the last
lzrae ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:40:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope :)
Jordaneer ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:48:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh... Unzips.
lzrae ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:58:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah woah. You're not my boyfriend.
nightsky77 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:54:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joey Tribbiani flashback.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You: You sucking?
30MHz ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 00:09:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Look at me, I'm your friend now."
Monroevian ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:42:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wake up, bitch, you're my new best friend.
SSPanzer101 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:45:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Opens eyes extremely wide
Janice_the_Deathclaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hands off Kevin, were cool, but no touching
darlini ยท 1784 points ยท Posted at 18:41:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is oddly sweet.
FeatheredSun ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:02:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be surprised and my first instinct would be to withdraw...but then...hey, life's short...we can hold hands if you like.
popcorn_roberts ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:59:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very oddly sweet.
Ektadizzle ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 23:09:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are a guy, this just becomes a lot funnier that the DJ went along with it for 10 seconds also.
tickettoride98 ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 01:30:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That DJ wasn't about to lose a game of gay chicken in his own club.
jumpsteadeh ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 23:13:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you gonna tell the rest of the story where you moved in together and got a dog, or what?
RixirF ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 23:37:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you even come to that conclusion. When in the history has a DJ asked for song requests but deep down wanted to hold someone's hand?
I'm laughing so much, I love this one.
TarantulaArms ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:28:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. I'm crying. I can't stop laughing, it's so cute.
AnotherLameUserName ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 22:46:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something out of a cute,slice of life, romantic boy loves boy comic.
Send_Me__Corgi_Gifs ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:28:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please, someone make this.
catsloveart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yaoi?
KaitRaven ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:16:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like shounen-ai.
catsloveart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. Never heard of it. I'll have to check it out.
LeBaron211Wyles3311 ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 23:52:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was really stoned at panda express with my girlfriend and the guy working there asked if i'd like to try the new honey walnut shrimp. He held out the sample on a toothpick and i came 2 seconds away from eating it out of his hand. i caught myself last second. the place was packed.
Katsy13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:28:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the guy who tasted a dish from the spoon a chef was holding in front of him (he was a new cook and he didn't know what it tasted like), maintaining eye contact the entire time.
He posted on Reddit a few days ago.
DianiTheOtter ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:46:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I nearly walked into a wall laughing so hard
PrincessPikapoo ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:55:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh nooooo my first boyfriend did this on my very first valentines day date! We got all dressed up and went to the Keg because that's the fanciest place ever when you're still in high school. Waiter held out his hand to take our menus and he awkwardly shook it, the waiter was like uhhhhhh. I'll never forget that and I bet he hasn't either!
gingeslc ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 00:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, this hits so close to home. As a 5'11", pale skinned, red headed female who was taller than literally 99% of my grade, I had a leg up in the awkward game in high school.
As a class assignment, I went to a local slam poetry night to observe and critique. One of the guys performing was about 6 inches shorter than me, but really attractive and on top of that, really creative. His poem just hit my heart like a ton of bricks.
What would a non awkward person do? I don't know, clearly. What happened next still to this day makes my whole body cringe. I went up as he got off stage in order to complement him, and he put his hand out to shake mine. Naturally, I grabbed it and held on for dear life while telling him how much I enjoyed his work for a solid two minutes, while teary eyed and towering over him like some Amazonian captor. Jesus.
KennyFulgencio ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:33:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did he look increasingly panicky? was anyone drinking? I have no idea if that's something people do at poetry readings
gingeslc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:38:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was actually really cool about it and played it off like it was nothing, which just adds to the cringe factor for me. No one was drinking as it was all people in their late teens/early twenties. Stone sober awkwardness.
demonballhandler ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:01:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell us what happened after. Please.
gingeslc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:40:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He played it off like it was nothing, likely fearing I was going to try and throw him in the trunk of my car or something, and then successfully avoided my grasp the rest of the evening.
demonballhandler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:03:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg. Your writing is great, thank you for the laugh to start my day!
Vapo ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:32:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my kink ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
omgughicanteven ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:18:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually did the same thing last week with a distant friend lol
It was very awkward but we're still on speaking terms somehow!
CubsH17 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:58:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sucks, you probably couldnโt even enjoy the song you requested either because you felt all weird about what had just happened.
thelonelywolf17 ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 22:10:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:32:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is it, this is the funniest story here.
capitoloftexas ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:05:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the greatest fucking thread ever
Oxcart_STL ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:40:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got embarrassed just reading this
kelinci-kucing ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:29:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. This somehow reminded me of the first time I met some of the professors in grad school. I'd just come from the bathroom, the kind that has dryers instead of paper towels. I hate hand dryers, so annoying. So I just walk out with wet hands and into the next room, thinking nothing of it.
Run into professor I've never met before. Shakes hands. Wet hands. Oh God.
He was probably slightly repulsed.
brickmack ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:27:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was sitting in the bleachers in gym class once, and this guy I didn't know comes up and randomly high fives me. Then tries to do a low five. I thought the low five was a handholding attempt and responded as such.
Mat_the_Duck_Lord ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:13:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to act like Iโm going for a fist bump people then go โshark attack!โ, grab their fist, and stare blankly. Then I see how long it takes to get awkward before they draw their hand away and I finally let go. Then pretend it never happened.
blackiceairfreshener ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:18:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar happened to me. I went to my friend's little brother's first communion and I was the only one there who didn't speak spanish. The whole ceremony was in spanish so I was just going with the flow. Well some guy sitting next to me stuck his hand out and I thought it was time for a prayer so I grabbed his hand and put my head down. I look up and everybody is leaving and I'm still holding this guy's hand. He wanted a handshake. I couldn't make eye contact with him at the lunch after.
dakoslug ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:56:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my dad held out his hand for my pen, for some odd reason I thought he wanted to hold hands. I was so embarrassed.
desieslonewolf ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:09:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My 4-year-old daughter says that interlaced fingers are snuggling. It's not related to the story, it's just adorable and I wanted to share.
KennyFulgencio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:34:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it is :)
fenderguy94 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:31:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this on purpose.
Emotep33 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:35:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a musician and I've been on the other side of this. Trust me, we are used to it. We're just baby sitters for drunks after all
thegiantcat1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:00:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has done this.
DebateExposesDoubt ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:56:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is 1am, I have to be up to drive to the hospital to have a c-section in four hours, I've been crying all day out of anxiety and hormones, and this just made me laugh harder than I have in months. Thank you for existing.
Snarker ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is hilarious!
GunsandBullies ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:45:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is so terribly amazing
prettybakedcupcake ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:52:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HhHahahahahhahahahahaha Iโm crying hahahahaha
Michelle_ma_belle16 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:39:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understand this. I love physical touch, and sometimes I hold my friendsโ hands out of affection. They all joke about it, but accept it, and some will even initiate and hold MY hand now just to be friendly. I worked at a summer camp for three months and got really into this habit because there were other hand-holders there, and it wasnโt just me doing it with my closest friends. I was suddenly doing it with everyone. The day after I got home, we had an amusement park trip planned, and I went. When the poor workers would try to give us high fives, I would interlace my fingers with theirs and smile... every damn time.
regarding_your_cat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:14:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this isn't a fitting response for the original question, but your response reminded me of it - once, a liquor store clerk said "one love" to me as i was leaving, and i responded with "i love you too". i was halfway out the door when i said it and i just kept going
thegiantcat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh my god, I remember there being a movie or something I saw this in. I think it might of been a Dave Chapel skit.
genesisofDOOM ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:55:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK I was doing Ok this whole thread until I got to this comment. I almost got busted at work, I just burst out laughing so freaking hard.
littlefish_bigsea ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:21:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going past a Moomin store with the SO and there was a guy dressed up as Moomin. I asked for a picture. I used to love the books and was clearly overly excited. He puts both his arms out in an embracing gesture. I panic, mistake the pose and end up intertwining my fingers with his. I remember being really shocked that they weren't fluffy and meaty like paws. He reacted a little but held the pose!
pokexchespin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:34:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did he seem alright with it?
takelongramen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:49:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What song was it though?
thegiantcat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:55:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't remember the exact song, my friend I was told me to request some band by The Cruxshadows, it was probably winterborn or something.
Lovingmyusername ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:37:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this before!! A customer wanted their receipt. Had the most awkward brain fart ever. whoops
Vi3GameHkr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:23:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew this dude in high school who would always turn a high five into a fingers interlaced handhold and then hold your hand for the rest of the conversation.
I stopped giving people high fives as a policy.
vivatrump ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:49:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He probably wanted a tip...
SchoolOfTheWolf93 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:38:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me youโre lying.
thegiantcat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I was, I was stone cold sober at the time to.
RinkyInky ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not the weirdest thing that happened to him since he's always surrounded by drunk people.
VladimirVeins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's fine, he probably witnesses a lot of drunk antics and assumed you were drunk too.
Kahne_Fan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:44:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you kind internet stranger. I literally lol'ed AND slapped my knee. I needed that today!
Three_Headed_Monkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:53:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"If you can think of a better way to exchange proteins, I'd like to hear it."
cabernetchick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard at this. Thank you. Just imaging the DJ's face & train of thought, oh I'm dying it's so cute. "What are we doing? We're holding hands. Ok. Ok. Interlaced fingers. Do I know this guy? No. Wait. Aww fuck this is awkward. Poor guy." It is the best awkward interaction.
neunen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this one so much
clgfangoneawry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:10:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well are you a boy or a girl, I gotta know cause its valuable info
thegiantcat1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:42:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a guy
KennyFulgencio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
two boys
Qubeye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have just squeezed his hand harder and opened your eyes wide at the same time. To assert...I don't know what the fuck.
Best policy when you're caught doing something weird is make it weirder.
hollth1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:22:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guilty of this last night.
karma3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I get your dealer's number?
vamoose_adios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha hahaha hahaha!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh, use commas.
fox-eyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. This is my favorite story.
furryguy_OwO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are now gay
TotalFreedom420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm awkward, but what is wrong with you?!
jen0c1d3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one got me. I'm muffling my laughter into my pillow trying not to wake my husband.
lucy_the_ewok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah! Thanks for the laugh. This is hilarious.
Shoteraid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was his hand lowered or raised if it was lowered then it was his fault.
thegiantcat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was lowered, although lots of people pointed out he was probably asking for a tip.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like it could have been the start of a beautiful romance!
irotsoma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have assumed he was asking for a tip and handed him a couple of dollars.
ElitistRobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I just do that shit.
You've gotta make people remember you.
love2read86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't stop laughing at this.
friendsareshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time at a drive through the guy held out his hand and I didn't know what the hell he wanted so I tried to high five him. My card didn't run the first time so he was asking for it again. In my defense he could have said that.
awesome357 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you said he held out his hand I assumed maybe he wanted a tip for playing your song. I don't go to clubs...
Barbamaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Felt the embarrassment of the situation so strongly I stopped reading mid post. I had to talk myself into going back to read the end.
misyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you bust out a foreign language and smile brightly, like this is just how shit goes where you're from.
alexkocaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I audibly laughed out on this one :)
DigbyChickenZone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my coworker did that to me when I went to give him a high five, I assumed it was something flirtatious for a second [cuz he cute] but have told other people about it as just a funny awkward thing that happened.
idothingsheren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He probably thought you were high
SayWhatever12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That made ME cringe and I wasnโt even there
ThriftAllDay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I met this new guy he went in for a fist bump and I thought he was going for a handshake, so I kind of shook his fist
happycheff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this. I'm feeling the awkward pretty hard.
carlosspicywiener_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Michael Scott because you have reached that level of cringe
justhere4thiss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm so glad that Iโm not the only one who has done this.
kitcatxyz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What song was it?
thegiantcat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was some song by the Cruxshadows my friend told me to request, don't remember the name of it.
hygsi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost spit my water all over my laptop as I read this, goddammit dude! That's level 9 awkward
Pachi2Sexy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now you're married with 3 kids now right?
TheJoker1432 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man or woman?
thegiantcat1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a guy
TheJoker1432 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice :D
4everpurple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did he still play your request?
Micfro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT WAS THE SONG
Aggressivecleaning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh mijn God WAAROM?!
Duffman- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what song did you request?
connie-reynhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The interlocking high-five".
What was the song request?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god! This cracked me up so bad!
Pleasant_Jim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would expect to see this in /r/whitepeoplegifs
Station_CHII2 ยท 2489 points ยท Posted at 18:51:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I broke my hand in the middle of my (totally gorgeous) TA's story and didn't say anything because I didn't want to interrupt him. Proceeded to walk with him to class and sit through his lecture, feeling awkward for not taking notes, while my hand swelled up like a balloon. He approached me the next day, confused, when SOMEONE ELSE told him that I had broken my hand the previous afternoon on the bus. "Wait, I was with her the whole time..."
[deleted] ยท 347 points ยท Posted at 19:42:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Station_CHII2 ยท 1130 points ยท Posted at 20:43:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my way to what would turn out to be his class, I ran into him on the campus bus. He confessed that he was nervous about taking over the lecture that day, and was clearly suffering some real anxiety; not just fishing for compliments. I was too busy swooning over the fact that he was confiding in me to be paying attention when the bus slammed on the brakes to avoid rear-ending another vehicle. The bus was PACKED; Everyone lurched forward and my right pinky caught on a handrail as I tried to catch myself. Snapped my fifth metacarpal. It was one of those noises where you're immediately thinking, "Oh yeah. That's broken for sure." After the initial decision not to cut him off mid-sentence, it became obvious to me that it was now too late to say anything... (Yes. I know how crazy that sounds.)
Station_CHII2 ยท 907 points ยท Posted at 20:45:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He spent the next year teasing me for secretly punching a bus.
funkyb ยท 206 points ยท Posted at 00:51:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So then when did you get around to the sex? Because if you two didn't fuck after all this confiding and flirting, I'm just gonna scream.
Station_CHII2 ยท 138 points ยท Posted at 00:53:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:( sadly no
funkyb ยท 112 points ยท Posted at 01:11:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://i.imgur.com/CaogEdw.gif
I'm so second-hand sad for whatever kind of genitals you have.
Bumpy_Waterslide ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bendy ones
[deleted] ยท -79 points ยท Posted at 03:17:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Station_CHII2 ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 03:28:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you catch the part where I was so intimidated and flustered by him that I pretended that I didn't break my hand in his presence?
TheWolfBuddy ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:42:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
good point lmao
[deleted] ยท -31 points ยท Posted at 03:30:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
messycer ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:39:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So...
Station_CHII2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:42:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he's just teasing, it's chill :)
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:49:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Station_CHII2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:32:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story took place 5 years ago. TA is getting married to a lovely girl, and I'm seeing someone pretty great. I might hold off on telling him this story, though. I sound like a lunatic.
drugdealingcop ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:38:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey. I would've done the same exact thing if I was you. My reasoning would be "I could fix my finger later but I only have this one chance to make an impression on this girl" or in your case guy.
littlemikemac ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:33:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That isn't how it works in real life.
drugdealingcop ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:33:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry guys. Please stop downvoting me. I was trying to be nice to her. I fucked up.
BeaversandDucks2015 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:28:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya a dumb cop, good cop. Ya still a cop an ya dun fucked up real nice now. Sit dawn and have yaself a warm brekkie.
FireKat91 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:54:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's cute
Eggerslolol ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 21:43:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daaamn gurrrrl you fought a bus and LIVED
Cene12 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 22:23:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/bitchimabus
1RedReddit ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:37:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of those subreddits that you don't need to look at the content of before subscribing; just the name is enough.
nombiegirl ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:06:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a middle school girl my older cousin invited me to hang out with his friends. I had a crush on one of them because they were "cool" skater guys.
So we're wandering around my hometown while they try "cool" skateboard tricks and my cousin is teasing me and being a dick. So I try to punch him, cause somehow that will make me look cool. He blocked my punch with his skateboard and I broke a bone in my hand on the edge. Walked around for another 4 or so hours before going home and showing my mom my giant, swollen broken hand. We had to go to the ER because I waited till after the clinic closed to tell her.
I got out of gym class for like 2 months though so who's the real winner here?
....its not me....
Station_CHII2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:44:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bahahaha. Yep. Sounds like the same weak-ass bone I broke. Surprising how easy it was to do, right?
MyFirstOtherAccount ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:26:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol how does someone just continue to talk when a bus jerks like that? Also how did you not yell out in pain? I woulda been the biggest baby in that scenario.
Station_CHII2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:29:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Embarrassment is a powerful motivator to "play it cool."
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 07:38:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dwntwndiner ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:10:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, if you look at the diagram they provided, they did not break their pinky finger, but rather the fifth metacarpal, which is the bone that runs through the palm and connects up to the wrist. So they did not break their whole hand (which would have been really bad) but they broke more than just their pinky finger.
Station_CHII2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:18:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I mean, when someone says "I broke my arm," they don't mean, "I broke my radius, ulna, and humerus." Yes, broke a bone in my hand, the one that runs from my pinky finger to my wrist.
floatingwithobrien ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 23:24:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't exactly a dumb thing I did, but I went to a bar with my TA and a couple other students. I didn't want to do anything stupid in front of the TA so I just stuck with water. It was a bar that I went to ALL THE TIME and I knew the wait staff. One of the waitresses was there, except she wasn't working. She was getting drunk with her friends. She ran up to me and hugged me and explained loudly to the whole table that she knew me because she waited on me all the time in this bar and "I've never seen you when you were sober and I was drunk. Usually you're drunk and I'm sober. I mean, I've helped you walk out of here before." My TA just grinned at me and said "Oh I'm loving this."
Not the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me, but still. I had a whole thing going, friend.
Kidwit ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:14:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So who fucked who?
floatingwithobrien ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:14:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: nobody
i_sigh_less ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:12:39 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stories should have happy endings.
floatingwithobrien ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:23:18 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ur fucken right frend
Station_CHII2 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:28:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whom*
1_Non_Blonde ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:46:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just amazed you were able to keep a straight face and play it off.
Either that or he completely missed the pained look on your face and thus may be a psychopath.
Station_CHII2 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:30:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It didn't hurt that bad, to be honest. Not even as bad as stubbing a toe. It started to hurt a ton an hour later, but in the moment all I wanted to do was be still and not bump it into anything.
xPofsx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:55:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is a ta?
Station_CHII2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:14:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teacher's Assistant. They're graduate students (working on getting their Masters degree) that often teach undergrad classes.
imghurrr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:44:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you break your hand on a bus and the person you're talking to doesn't notice?
Station_CHII2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:51:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bus was very full. He is very tall. I dunno, man. Maybe he'll see this and verify the story for a nice symmetrical awkward experience.
imghurrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you break it?
Station_CHII2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:22:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Caught my pinky on a handrail. Didn't break my finger for whatever reason, did snap that skinny bone on the outside side of my right hand. Doctor called it a "boxer's break"
WiserhoodGage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:35:27 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a boxer's fracture right now. You usually get them from punching things. It didn't hurt that much surprisingly, it was like twenty minutes before anything happened and even then I thought it was just my knuckle so I believe you would be able to no sell that injury for a while.
Station_CHII2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:58:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He sure noticed on the final project. I had to hand-draw a cross section with my non-dominant hand. Looked like a toddler did it. It took me 8 hours.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:30:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Station_CHII2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was working as a geologist for a few years, but I'm currently working at a startup. Taking a cushy break from fieldwork ;)
Just_PM_ME_Pictures0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:29 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you break your hand listening to a story?
Station_CHII2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:25:00 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asked and answered. Scroll up.
eraser_dust ยท 16367 points ยท Posted at 17:16:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spent an entire Thanksgiving weekend pretending I understood Korean, because I felt too awkward to correct my friend's Korean mom who assumed I was Korean too.
SadCena ยท 10100 points ยท Posted at 18:09:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
im_not_the_stig ยท 3761 points ยท Posted at 19:21:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello
ptambrosetti ยท 1560 points ยท Posted at 22:34:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ANYONG!
SpliffinJah ยท 1501 points ยท Posted at 22:50:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes we get it! ANYONG ANYONG ANYONG, your name is ANYONG.
EDIT: this is from a show called arrested development, since everyone is asking
theytookmyvcard ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 23:37:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
SpliffinJah ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 01:40:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love all of my children equally!
[Earlier that Day] I don't care for Gob...
alexx3064 ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 00:52:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starting to get anyong with this shit
Rideit88 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 01:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
SpliffinJah ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 01:56:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But my real name is........ Hello.
cc00cc00 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:25:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello. Who dis?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
local-wizards ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's some money. Go see a Star War.
Mirai182 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:28:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nerf this!
sarcastic-barista ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:25:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
here is $20 go see a Star war
SpliffinJah ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't give your own brother a banana? How much do bananas cost 6-7 dollars?
Wow you really don't get out of the house much!
DeepFriedCircuits ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 23:38:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That poor kid.... Lol
jigokusabre ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:00:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That poor kid had a name. Hel-Lo.
Elvysaur ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:39:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ann yoonje?
ShuffleTheDeck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do me a solid and remind where this is from
SpliffinJah ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:38:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arrested development, explained below by others... Unless it's been buried
ShuffleTheDeck ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:12:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm so stupid for not remembering that. Gonna KMS lmao
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:09:25 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still doin that, huh?
Mollfred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where is this from? What are you refering to? I feel like i have heard it before in a series or something
SpliffinJah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See above
thiccsuck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:20:19 on November 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hype for season 5 haha
NULLizm ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 22:42:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's with this kid?
Cjpinto47 ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 22:46:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is a Korean spy.
realbutter ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:59:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello
Dragon--Reborn ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:19:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong.
Redhy1 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:42:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong?
TeslaLightning ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:47:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
์๋ ?
Riac007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How dare you. Everyone here is older then you
VesperalLight ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 20:37:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Howdy
Stealthy_Bird ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 20:55:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ni hao!
idelta777 ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 21:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi there!
SimplicityWalrus ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 22:16:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello, hello!
TheCalendarMan ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:49:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/unexpectedoverwatch
Soup44 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:21:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITS HIGH NOON
ash663 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:36:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at this team. We're gonna do great!
MLGmeMeR420- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHY are you so angry?
Dragon789010 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:06:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Greetings, fellow member of the subspecies of Homo sapiens sapiens.
xenoletum ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:03:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi there!
SinusMonstrum ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:12:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G'day!
Soup44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stew here from UAVFUTURES and TODAAAAAAAYYYY
stefonio ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:43:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GREETINGS
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:48:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Shoggoththe12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:07:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J U S T I C E D E M A N D S R E T R I B U T I O N
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M Y Y O U R E A T A L L O N E
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:09:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi adopted brother
_mully_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:02:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
TerrainIII ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:49:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
General Kenobi.
General_Kenobi896 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:12:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
General Kenobi reporting for duty!
TerrainIII ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:30:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/beetlejuicing
lordumoh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grandma ready for that booty! Wait.
General_Kenobi896 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait what xD
SDBJJ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:10:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
is it me you're looking for
salvador_danny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:11:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
mankiller27 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:35:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D.Va: 1, bad guys: 0
Jordaneer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:42:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you the stigs Korean cousin?
CMcInnes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They said goodbye! Jerk! /S
achennupati ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:34:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
Intellectual_ass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One day
fallout52389 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Como estas?
thebillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
43770
Profoundpanda420 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ping pong
ChestWolf ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 21:05:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, we know your name.
Fxlyre ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:34:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What show was this??
AshKun11 ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 21:35:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arrested development
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 22:53:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who has to keep them together.
M1ntB3rrycrnch ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:09:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny cause actually he was the shitty one
fork_hoe ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:18:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Theyre aaaaalll shitty people.
uses_irony_correctly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:46:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was equally shitty as the rest of them, but at least he was a functional adult.
JohnCalvinCoolidge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehhh
Phil_Sheridan ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:57:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's some money, go see a Star War.
Hear_That_TM05 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:20:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How much can a banana cost? 10 dollars?
Segol ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 21:23:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winky Face!
SadCena ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:33:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
El oh el...hehe
blahguy28740 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heppy Helloween!
ReguardMerle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:43:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bang!
Adamawesome4 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:02:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
Yohanaten ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:26:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello
NotProfMoriarity ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:11:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw, yeah!
MadGeekling ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:07:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Daddio!
Frakshaw ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:19:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it annyeong?
ohesaye ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:08:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but this is a character from "Arrested Development." I haven't watched it, but presumably he greets people and they assume that's his name. "Haseo" is the second part of the greeting to make it a bit more formal.
Hear_That_TM05 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:19:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much, yeah. The family adopts him and he says "Annyong" when meeting them, which they assume is his name.
It is a running gag throughout the first season that every time they say Annyong, he responds back with Annyong because he doesn't know English and they don't know Korean.
thatvoicewasreal ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:57:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually close to how the slur "gook" came to be. Koreans called US troops "mi-gook saram" which means "American person". Early on someone thought they were saying "me Gook," as in "I'm a Gook (Korean)." They obviously figured out otherwise, but it stuck, and was transferred to Vietnam, where many people mistakenly believe it originated.
Asraelite ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:20:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the show his name is spelled "Annyong".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Asraelite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:05:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course you can. The standard romanization, when used properly, preserves all needed pronunciation information, and Yale Romanization also preserves all underlying morphological information if you need it.
I'm aware that "annyeong" is the standard transcription of the word, but Annyong is a name. The characters of the show didn't know Korean and so didn't romanize it properly, and even if they did it wouldn't have mattered, people use irregular transcriptions for names all the time. His wiki page uses "Annyong".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Asraelite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:18:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean you can't transcribe it in a way that would be intuitively read by English speakers with correct pronunciation, like "ahn-young" or something? Or that there's no possible way to come up with any romanization system that would a have a one-to-one correspondence with Korean pronunciation and writing. The former I would agree with, but if you mean the latter then that's exactly what Yale romanization does. You need to learn how to pronounce it first, just as you would if you learned Hangul, but once you know it any Korean word can be converted to Yale and vice-versa without any loss of information.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Asraelite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because it's easy to type with a QWERTY keyboard, and is compatible with ASCII, for situations where Unicode is unsupported or problematic.
thatvoicewasreal ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:02:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It does actually kinda matter if you're trying to faithfully transliterate because there are different Romanization systems and mixing them or ignoring them altogether causes confusion. In all systems, eo and o describe totally different Korean vowels. Annyong is categorically incorrect--matches none of the Romanization systems
Asraelite ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:08:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It does actually match a variant of McCuneโReischauer romanization where the ห is dropped from the ล. You'll see it in place names in North Korea, like Pyongyang.
thatvoicewasreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is both misspelled and confusing, since in the McCune-Reischauer system o denotes ใ --a completely different vowel sound, like I said.
Asraelite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never said it was a good romanization method, just that it exists and is used. In it, "o" can indeed represent both ใ and ใ depending on the word.
thatvoicewasreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's simply not true. The misuse of the method may render both vowel sounds as an o, but ล is not o within the method. That's why it was replaced.
Asraelite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:59:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I'm referring to is what you call the misuse of the method. As I said, a "variant of McCuneโReischauer".
thatvoicewasreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So just to be clear, you count dropping the breve because it's inconvenient as a "variation"? Or are you referring to a third system?
Asraelite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, dropping it is a variation, in the same way many people drop the "-" in standard romanization.
thatvoicewasreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oksoiguessthiscountsasavariationbyyourdefinitionsaswellsurewhynoteverythingsavariation
_ImperialScout_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:55:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad that I had never seen that show before. It was, bar none, the best binge watch weekend of my life.
lriboldi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:25:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. Watched the whole thing in one weekend, such a great show and one of my favorites now.
uses_irony_correctly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the best part is, it's even better the second time you watch it, since they constantly foreshadow events that are multiple episodes away from happening.
Example (Spoiler, obviously): http://i.imgur.com/kpHLl.jpg
fearmypoot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:15:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just ask for bulgogi repeatedly. Win win
unfortunateorphan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:02:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean ๊น์น ใ ใ
fearmypoot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That too ๐
Nojoe365 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:28:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Is this easy mode?"
thaddeus423 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:20:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyong
NotTheBizness ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:29:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ha se yo
alpha_alpaca ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:25:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only know what this means because D. Va says it.
Skree-Skree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Onion
Azuranski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:13:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it was, and it ruined the WHOLE weekend for them!
heebythejeeby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want you! I want you!
Ok the jury might actually like that
rhaemz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Annoying hay say yo
nzalog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha nods
username--_-- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
San Son Ying, Jin Munisayo (Korean spelt as if it was english)
bhare418 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go see a star war
LegitUsernameTbh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha yes
g0atmeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Greetings
ANoiseChild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know him
ShiroHachiRoku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Onions for sale?
JustASyncer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Greetings!
6chan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An-de-yo!
Niskyah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hereโs $20 go see a star war
hollywood4189 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No thanks I'm stuffed.
Seidon29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't not read this in D.va's voice.
insanityanarchist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/unexpectedoverwatch
meowdryhepurrrn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Here's some money, go see a Star War."
Wise_Kruppe ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cumsamnida?
Feyden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome
Wise_Kruppe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im surprised you understood what i was trying to say lol.
dieterschaumer ยท 3460 points ยท Posted at 20:05:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who is apparently always "the wrong kind of asian", and he likes to make a small hobby out of seeing how far he can get with nods and grunts.
VTHUT ยท 2314 points ยท Posted at 22:07:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait until he accidentally consents to sex
[deleted] ยท 3104 points ยท Posted at 22:11:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that point he can tone down on the nods and just do grunts
VTHUT ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:20:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or smiles
ADarkTwist ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 22:42:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen the videos. He needs to do his best impression of a newborn cat with each thrust.
amanko13 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:02:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but what if the tentacles go in his mouth?
Edit: Oh nvm, I didn't read the "consent" part.
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 00:20:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
somebody doesnt know about consentacles
okay what the fuck its actually a subreddit i was just making a bad joke
kmrst ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:20:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's for people who like the tentacles but not the rape. Seems self explanatory.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:21:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was about to say 'who likes tentacles tho'
but then i dont think ive got the moral high ground here
amanko13 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:25:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice. I needed material.
xthek ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:46:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The godawful noises porn actresses make are why I started looking at hentai garbage instead
Bookablebard ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:01:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speak for yourself some of us appreciate nods!
5213 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:25:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uhh... relevant username?
sogorthefox ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:53:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uwu
Pitboyx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:07:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How long will he sustain a sexual relation ship solely through grunts and nods?
davidbklyn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:07:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no... he can still nod
TellerUlam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:36:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think so Tim
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:27:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't nod in enjoyment?
potato_ships ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
afterwards
"How was it, baby?"
grunts
Soccermom233 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some girls like the nods, though
Slightly_Tender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or go crazy with the nods
faytwilde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wats dis?
PharmLife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:52:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
head nodding intensifies
Bananawamajama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:39:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From what I understand, the same strategy applies.
LikeViolence ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:11:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FLรGGร ำNKะฑโฌฤHIลรรLฤฎรN
NEXT_VICTIM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:38:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Festivus isn't over...
Till you take your old man down?!
backdrake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something we all dread.
permanentthrowaway ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 22:41:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got 20 minutes into a conversion with an Indian woman speaking Bengali. I'm Mexican.
suchanormaldude ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:42:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm of Italian descent and I get people who think I know Middle Eastern languages or Spanish all the time. A lot of them just assume I'm half of whatever they are.
ffxivfunk ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:51:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got through an entire conversation in Chinese about roofing with only nods and grunts once. It can get you surprisingly far.
sandm000 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:37:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. Need to get toss in some tooth suck followed by 'eeeeee'. High pitch for shock. Low pitch for dismay/disappointment.
xXx420VTECxXx ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:43:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mid tone for looking into the distance and pondering
Tactical_Moonstone ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:33:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to think this was just an anime trope until I went to Japan and actually had a Japanese teacher who did that.
Vilkans ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:11:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed uncontrolably when I had that happen for the first time.
"So did you know Pokemon have different names in English?"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SUGEEEEEEE"
CodyS1998 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:58:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chinese... or Japanese?
TheMysteriousMid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:19:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I AM FROM LAOS
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:17:08 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dieterschaumer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:54 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Incidentally, my friend in question is Vietnamese. Pale, 5'11. On the muscular side, not rail thin.
I suspect Vietnamese people are just more diverse than people assume they are.
tendies_in_my_tummy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rofl
asiansteev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah
I-POOP-RAINBOWS ยท 2421 points ยท Posted at 21:31:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been trying to figure out how this worked for what feels like an Internet eternity (so like 20 seconds). She constantly talked, and talked, and talked, and talked for an entire weekend without you actually saying anything back to her in korean? And she didn't think that was in any way strange? "Wow, what a polite young man. He knows he shouldn't talk to his elders. I like him!" - your friends mom probably.
SilentNN ยท 1767 points ยท Posted at 22:05:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's fairly common to see people that can't speak (or are uncomfortable speaking) their mother language but understand it when spoken to them. She might have thought that was the case for OP.
Pennwisedom ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 23:06:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea it's like this. Since it's "Thanksgiving" I'm going to assume they weren't in Korea, so a lot of Heritage speakers can understand, but have problems speaking. Though usually once they start practicing, they can speak since the knowledge is there but the Vocab often isn't.
NewAgeNeoHipster ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:40:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's me, but with spanish.
FLABCAKE ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:43:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my best friends is second generation Filipino-American and heโs like that; can barely speak Tagalog, but he understands it just fine.
SirNoodlehe ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:48:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have some Filipino friends that invite me to parties sometimes, I can't really communicate with them but I like to Tagalog.
PillarsOfRage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All you need to know to keep a tagalog conversation going is "'Di ba?" "Grabe?!" "talaga?" "Oo" "Hay nako" "sige"
[deleted] ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 23:23:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My Korean mom would pick up on that fast and make him speak because she'd be suspicious. They're not stupid. Especially since it's really traditional to bombard any newcomer with a lot of personal questions, and it is seen as rude if you don't acknowledge your elders or respond to their questions.
scooby_noob ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 23:27:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? What kind of personal questions? Like, what would a sample dialogue sound like? I noticed in Terrace house, though that's Japanese, that everyone asks age and relationship status within minutes of meeting, but I thought that was probably just a quirk of the show.
KimchiMaker ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 23:47:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How old are you? What university do you/did you go to? Is that a good university? [If graduated...] Do you have a job? Is that a good company? Are you married? Why not? When are you going to get married? I WILL TALK TO MY FRIEND FROM CHURCH WHO HAS A SON/DAUGHTER YOUR AGE WHO SADLY ISN'T MARRIED YET EITHER.
rnykal ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:06:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Noo stopp please
I don't want to be coupled, i'm happy by myself, leave me alooone
gzilla57 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:04:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rude
yinfish ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:59:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ So accrate.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooo I've watched terrace house, too! I think the Japanese are waay less nosy and less rude than the Koreans are (no offense), so they may not be as probing. My parents are business people and their friends always ask about what school I go to, what I'm studying, how old I am, etc. If I gave them grunts and nods, they would see that as disrespect cause it seems like I don't want to engage in conversation with them. They might see you as an antisocial person who wasn't raised properly. They also make direct comments about how you look, or even might make a comment about your personality when they don't even completely know you yet.
woofle07 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:57:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boss and one of my coworkers have this weird thing where they're both English/Spanish bilingual, but he's more comfortable speaking Spanish and she's more comfortable with English, so they'll have long back and forth conversations where he says something in Spanish and she responds in English. They'll just go back and forth perfectly understanding each other but it just completely confuses anyone else listening
BenedickCabbagepatch ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife and I do this with Russian :)
japasthebass ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:33:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I can confirm I was born and raised in the US and I can understand Gujarati almost fluently but I can't speak back more than one or two phrases
GotHamm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs most likely what happened. I improved my Spanish speech through years of practice with my family while my sister never speaks. She can still understand most things but prefers to respond in English.
fooitsjanethu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:10:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stayed at my friendโs house in Italy, and her mom would speak to me in Italian although I didnโt understand a bit of it. So sheโd just repeat everything very slowly, but I still had no idea what she was saying. Iโm Chinese-American
If I could do it again, Iโd learn more Italian beforehand
FangOfDrknss ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:13:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, so long as he can understand it, it shouldn't be an issue if he can't speak. Some people also have subpar English, so they wouldn't able to speak to him that good anyway.
DeseretRain ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, my best friend immigrated to the US from Moldova when she was really young, and she says she can still understand Romanian but can no longer speak it.
Jaltheway ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:57:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs how I am Iโm a first generation in American kid born to Sudanese-Ethiopian parents. I can somewhat speak and understand Nuer but I always respond to them in English as it is what Iโm more comfortable speaking
Theiskender ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey thatโs me!!
angelbelle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Extra points if you reply in accented English. I can change the channel from NA English to HK English in a snap.
mochrist99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:15:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much this. My wife is native Spanish and speaks a lot in that dialect around home. I understand a lot of what she says but I know I'd fuck it up if I answered that way.
Bergauk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, oddly enough, if he was Chinese he could get by on knowing some key words that are shared between both languages.
desperatechaos ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:39:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No he can't. Korean and Chinese are very different despite having some similar vocabulary. It's like saying an English speaker should be able to get by in a French or German environment despite never having learned it.
GreatValueProducts ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 22:43:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a Chinese friend who speaks in French (his mother tongue) and his parents would respond in Cantonese. It's extremely weird but it is how it works. Perhaps his mother assumes he understands and she also thinks he's a quiet person. I think it is still possible
AirRaidJade ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:58:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just curious, why does your Chinese friend speak French as a native language? Did he move to France young, or is there a former French colony in China, or something else...?
BunsGoSquish ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 23:01:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canada.
Tryrshaugh ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:05:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Possibly. But there is a decent number of French citizen from Chinese origin, especially in Paris and its suburbd
DoomsdayRabbit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:22:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Former French colony.
intheintricacies ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:59:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My stepsister who understands our native language doesn't speak it so sometimes we'll have conversations in two different languages
WhoKilledZekeIddon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:22:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My entire extended family is from the North of England. Me talking to them is basically like this.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:07:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea it's definitely possible. I speak to my parents in English and they respond in Tamil
PiedjeeyXD32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weird for you, to them it's just a normal conversation. I've done it loads of times with English speakers wanting to learn Dutch.
Yodiddlyyo ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:57:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, there's really a big difference between understanding and speaking. I have Italian family members and I've spent a lot of time with Italian speakers, but my parents never taught me. So when they my cousins, etc speak, I pick up probably 75% of the words, enough to totally understand what they're saying. But I couldn't speak a single sentence in Italian if I tried. I'm sure a ton of other people share my experience.
With Asian languages I bet this is even more the case because of how many inflections there are that change the word, it's probably easier to understand what someone saying than be able to know when you use those inflections or words yourself.
Neoking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, recognition is something very distinct from actual memorization and creation.
baddev ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:27:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would be surprised how far you can get. When I met my wife I didn't speak her language well but could understand her when we spoke 1 on 1. In group situations I was useless but because everyone had heard me talk their language they would just talk at me full pace and didn't notice that I had no idea what was happening for whole evenings. I think they just thought I was quiet/shy.
ShineeChicken ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:08:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's mostly how conversations go with older Korean women in my experience. Youths don't really converse with older people like Westerners do anyway, especially not two people who don't know each other well. The elder does the talking, and the younger person just smiles and nods.
I live in a community with lots of Koreans, and it took me a long time to stop being offended by the fact that the older people don't even acknowledge your presence half the time so long as they're conversing with your older companion. And again, when they do acknowledge you, you're expected to just sort of go along with whatever they're saying. Doesn't matter if you speak Korean or not.
Conveniently, "yeah" and the Korean word for "yes" sound very similar. So you really can have entire conversations where you just nod and say "yeah" occasionally
Hipppydude ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:01:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You never talk back to tiger mom.
JAJ_reddit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:58:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My grandma is Korean and she forgets that I don't speak Korean, all the time. You can kind of get a feel of what they are saying via the context of what is going on at the time and so I reply to her Korean rambling in English and she just keeps on going, thinking I know what she is saying.
Argon1124 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:46:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He went to the Milfred school where children should neither be seen nor heard.
Thompson_S_Sweetback ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom could do this. Social awkwardness makes her talk more, and faster. It's visibly anxious, which usually makes the people she's talking to get a scared expression on their faces, which makes her even more anxious, which causes her to talk even more.
I never said a word my last two years of high school. It was easier to just let her keep talking and guess what I wanted to say than to try and participate.
kembervon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or he spoke English.
SaintShowtime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my mind, he just responded in small phrases in Spanish.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is no way this highly unlikely story is a lie or exaggerated... that couldnโt happen on the internet
kelluk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha, exactly my thoughts. She didnt stop? She didnt think there was something wrong?
Alpha_Bit_Poop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It works with children, they will just speak to you in their own language, and if you can just say "yeah?" In their language they will keep talking!
thatvoicewasreal ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:49:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or the story is bullshit. I lived in Korea for fifteen years and didn't speak a lick when I showed up. As with any language, I suspect, you can nod and smile and stretch it out to about two minutes before people realize you don't understand. I believe is the most highly upvoted outright lie I've ever seen.
[deleted] ยท 1895 points ยท Posted at 17:42:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Just smile and wave, smile and wave"...
fishingolympiad ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 23:12:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
KOWALSKI!
Positron311 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 23:40:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
STATUS REPORT!
Skolas519 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:46:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We are out of spoons to dig a tunnel, and there's been 3 cave ins this morning.
reaIhumanbeing ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:14:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Halfway there to knowing how to conversate in asian.
LibrarianLibertarian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:43:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To conversate in asian is to conversate at all.
theafonis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:20 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*converse
TheTigerMaster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:58:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Occasionally repeat โpyongyangโ enthusiastically, so they think you really know Korean :)
BrodyStone21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:29:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Smile and wave boys, smile and wave."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOvmRSYeSJY
Macktologist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And mutter โmmโ the whole time.
whirl-pool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:00:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you need a funny haircut for that to work.
snowman334 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 21:50:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:17:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's rudeness as much as just not understanding. When I was younger I started eating at a friend's house before they prayed and my friend freaked out at me. It wasn't that I was trying to be rude but I was raised in such a non-religious household that it didn't even occur to me that some people did that. I would assume your son's friend just didn't know what you were talking about.
snowman334 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:20:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a joke because the parent asked in Korean and OP doesn't speak Korean... So of course he didn't understand...
AussieBird82 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:21:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because he didn't speak Korean. :-)
(I have done similar at friends places with the grace thing. And my inlaws. Always awkward.)
Spinzzz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:47:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoosh
IAmNeeeeewwwww ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:07:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha This happens with all of my Korean relatives, especially my grandma and my aunts. They immediately start speaking Korean with any Asian person who looks even remotely Korean. They did that with my first girlfriend who was half-Korean.
The funniest part is when they'll sometimes keep going anyways even after you tell them you're Chinese or Vietnamese. It's more hilarious that they begin using their hands and speaking louder as if you'll catch the context of what they're saying. Although I would say that it wouldn't seem funny to observers because they're from Daegu and they have a thick accent that makes them sound like they want to fight someone at any given chance.
rinwashere ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:50:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to me at a Korean wedding. I was a friend of the bride. When she came by to check on me I asked her how to say "I'm not Korean but you're cute and I still want your number" but she wouldn't tell me.
Penguin619 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:13:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me a lot of when I was a freshman in high school, I had signed up for a student exchange program with a school from Chile, and when the Chileans came and the parents of the students (at my school) were at the school meeting each other I figured this would be a good time to introduce myself to one of my new friends' (who was new to the school) mom (who was Colombian) and she started speaking Spanish to me confusing for one of the Chilean students and I just sat there confused and awkwardly said in my broken Spanish that I am one of the American students.
But also happened again, when I went to Chile a group of the students who came to be part of the welcoming committee at the airport and teacher, thought I was one of the students too confusing me for one of their classmates.
Never knew Iranians could be confused for Chileano.
fireworkslass ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:32:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the flip side of this story, I speak a language that I don't look like I speak. The other day I was in a cab when the cab driver started speaking on the phone in that language. I was excited to speak with him after he hung up but then he started telling whoever it was on the phone about how his wife left him and took his best camera and all the good lenses... and I was like nvm too awkward so I had to pretend to only speak English for the rest of the trip
imdachef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That also happens to me I'm Latino but don't quite fit the part. Its really surprising to people when they find out that im bilingual.
Daephex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:16:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you say "what is a potato" in Korean?
qowotjq0129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:34 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๊ฐ์๊ฐ ๋ญ์์?
Daephex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:05:54 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/?ref=share&ref_source=link
I was jokingly referring to this old Reddit classic, but thanks for the language lesson!
qowotjq0129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:55 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know but i wanted to answer anyways haha
Daephex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:31:45 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very good.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:00:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andayo!
frankzilla8395 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:27:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello there
Want some ice cream?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds good!
unfortunateorphan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:01:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
์๋ ~~
honkhonkbeepbeeep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi.
Kaitaloipa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:39:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/T_PuZBdT2iM
elemonated ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:24:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Chinese and one of my best friends is also Chinese, and another one is Korean. My mom will speak to all of us in Chinese and forget that my Korean friend doesn't understand.
Usually we just let her talk and then tell my Korean friend what's happening.
VikingTeddy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:13:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So she didn't realise it for the whole weekend? What happened when she found out?
slimrngesus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:35:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
naisu naisu
ItsNotKaos ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:52:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ใ ใ ใ
kquinn00 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:28:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*nods and smiles in Korean
Toutouka19 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha this takes the cake for me
mmicecream ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:05:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar to this, when I was stationed in Germany I liked to travel alone. I knew very little German, only like small pleasantries. I was at a store and this old man starting making fun of this obviously drunk person trying to buy stuff. I just smile and nodded and looked for social cues. He thought I understood everything, but I did not know a damn word he said other than bye.
ddongkkopokbal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:01:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kkkkkkkkkkkkk
mermaidleesi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:02:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
์์ด๊ณ ๐ฒ ์ด๋กํด....
ostentia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She wasn't at all put off by you never responding to her?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't she asking you ques
honkhonkbeepbeeep ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:36:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help! u/SactownPimp has had a stroke.
Acrolith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:20:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow still not as dumb as the potato guy
shinnaji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My grandmother talks to my wife in Korean fully knowing that she understands nothing.
FeatheredSun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:50:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the hell do you FAKE that?? I mean I'm assuming you're [family is] from another Asian country and could "pass" for Korean, but you'd think she'd eventually get it that "This guy doesn't know what the fuck I'm saying."
Gorstag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally reminds me of "The Good Place".
Cyber628 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me: nod nod nod Them: waiting for answer Me: uhhh Bibimbap?
elaerna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I went to a friends house and her mom thought I was Chinese. I think my friend wasnโt allowed to have not Chinese friends
Shibowen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminded me of this classic:
TIFU by pretending not to be Korean
YourLocalMonarchist ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:54:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to do this with a Mexican relative since I didn't know Spanish. It went well since she couldn't speak English so it was just both of us not understanding each other thinking the other did. That was a horrible 4 hours
HoelessJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smile and nod
PapaSmurfOrochi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think she knew.
Stubbledorange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They knew.
kittyfiasco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your friend is some kind of an asshole with a sick sense of humor. I love it.
InfiniteZr0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever someone assumes you understand a language, just pretend your deaf and start doing bullshit sign language motions.
TheeYetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same same.
dot-pixis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ํ... (pronounced something like 'hull,' means something like 'oh my God.')
ka_o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you are a Korean but they never told youโฆ http://www.koreaboo.com/news/adopted-son-goes-17-years-thinking-hes-chinese-finds-hes-actually-korean/
Jordan_the_Hutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy korean. Thus is the funniest one on here hands down. Reddit silver
mac710 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you posted about this before? Pretty sure I read a Tifu post about exactly this happening
cinderwild2323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She's racist!
thaswhaimtalkinbout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People often confuse Korea and Sicily
snowqt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretended to understand Russian the first year in college.
Asianpower420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Onions on sale
Firebelias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I assume you're an Asian ๐
thatvoicewasreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm astonished that anyone believes this story. You are either lying or unaware that the friend's mom knew and kept talking at you anyway. .
Historiaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go see a Star War
pneumatichorseman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did she have a non Korean mom?
extrovertangel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think they probably knew? My in laws do not settle for grunts or affirmative sounds - anything that's not 'yes, sir/ma'am' in Korean will be considered rude. If you at least had a polite yes and no and a good head nod I'd believe it.
ChineseJoe90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you survive? Nod and smile?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sum Ting Wong
mamdani23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:47 on November 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is it that 30 days later, I see you in two different threads? (Saw you in the awkward convo escape thread)
SynesthesiaBrah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming you're Chinese?
BadIion ยท -28 points ยท Posted at 19:22:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you have been banned from /r/Pyonyang
toddiehoward ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:06:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't just reply that to things that don't have anything to with NK.
nutsaur ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:11:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Evidently they can.
yukicola ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/madlads
easybs ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ni hao kim jung kung pow
RedditorWorder ยท 2167 points ยท Posted at 16:40:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Off the top of my head, being at a crosswalk and pretending to walk down the road instead because I would rather let oncoming cars pass first rather than have one stop and wait for me to cross.
ObsessiveRaptorNoise ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 21:09:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The accuracy of this is not even funny - I do this everyday when I walk to my job shadow (or Co-op placement, as we call it here in Ontario). Itโs comforting to know I am not the only one who does this.
VjoogerPerson ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:24:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heyyy Iโm in Co-op right now as well :)
Thisath ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:45:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heyyyy I live 5 minutes from a COOP !!
riotcowkingofdeimos ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 22:39:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I approach a cross walk or street I want to cross if there is a car coming a I do a quick 90 turn towards them and continue walking, the moment they pass I then cross the street.
There are dozens of us, you are not alone.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:43:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better safe than sorry, one time I did it the guy careened off the road and smashed into a lamp post. By that time I was already like 200m away so I just noped the hell out of there. (It was in town, there were plenty of closer people at the nearby shops to help the dude.)
Unless a vehicle has already stopped I'd rather just wait for them to pass.
FeedTheBirds ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:25:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For whatever reason it never occurred to me that I'm not the only weirdo with this idiotic reaction to crosswalks.
This somehow makes me feel better? Not any less idiotic, but..better.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:48 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah i do that pretty much everyday when im walking to school
iEpidemics ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 01:20:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god... The:
Them: nods, gestures you to go
You: smiles, nods, gestures back saying thanks but you go, but you take a step forward slowly expecting them to go
Them: smiles, proceeds to go. Then slams on the brakes as they see you slowly step forward. Looks at you like what the fuck but continues to go because they look stupid to the other drivers.
CLASSIC.
Some3rdiShit ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 21:22:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking finally. I do this every god damm day
ferrettt55 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 22:19:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every. Single. Day. I do this.
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 23:12:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NMHFan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:48:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also do this. So incredibly satisfying when you time it just right.
totheskylark ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 22:35:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally all the time.
Pingas_Khan ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:32:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would always do this walking home from school, just walk the other way instead of making cars wait for me to cross
kaylashalayla ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:14:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES!!!!! LITERALLY ME!!! actually, I have so much unfounded anxiety about walking around town in public that i hardly go anywhere, because I HATE the thought of people in cars looking at me
Recoherent ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:07:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just pull out my phone and wait until a car goes. Works like a charm!
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:57:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude holy fuck that's what I do. I start to slow down and don't make any intentions of crossing until the car passes. Fuck I hate myself lol
Baconator004 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:33:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I turn away from them and look at my phone until they pass, so they aren't prompted to stop because I won't see them. Obviously don't stand to close to the road while looking distracted.
Shantles ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:24:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this, but pretend I'm looking at my phone for directions on where I'm going. I'll even look around like I'm trying to find street signs or building numbers.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:05:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I thought I was socially retarded but this one is amazing.
Tapputi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:59:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just polite though. If it's one person in one car I'll walk, but if there is a passenger or multiple cars then I'll wait/pretend I'm doing something else. I just feel like our time is equally valuable.
sminchdawg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:32:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this shit all the time. If I'm walking down a sidewalk and get o the crosswalk, I will either just stand there looking confused and not looking across or look at my phone confused.
OneGoodRib ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:28:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually linger at street corners because oh I need a drink, oh I'm waiting for someone, oh I'm checking my phone just so I don't have to deal with crossing with a car there.
To be fair though, some people are fucking awful drivers and so it's not just being awkward, it's "there's no cross light and I don't want them to hit me".
push__ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:05:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just walk behind the car if they stop. It's the only thing that makes them go.
bbtvvz ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:20:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many people do this! It's hilarious to watch people do the dance of "you don't see me" at crosswalks.
Wow_that_was_fast ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:21:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something I posted to Facebook some time back:
Today I was walking back from the Dining Facility on base when I approached an intersection taking the sidewalk adjacent to the road. There was a car that had arrived at this intersection at the same time I did and was pausing to make its left turn until after I had stepped off the sidewalk and crossed the street. Ever wanting not to cause any fuss, I followed the sidewalk and made a left turn, leaving the road unblocked for this car. As soon as the car drove past I halted and crossed the street, as per my original plan, and continued on home. This entire incident played out in only a matter of three to four seconds, and was probably forgotten about by the driver instantly after he turned and carried on with his day. Yet I felt that I had somehow lied to that car. I had wronged that 2004 Toyota Corolla and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt guilty about lying to a car. These are the things that keep me up at night, folks. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful new year.
Alicatscat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:27:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take the longest way possible, if it means I don't have to cross a semi busy road.
NMHFan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:47:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pleasantly surprised to learn that other people do this as well. It's a great way to discover parts of your town you've never seen before!
Dzuzepipi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:05:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all of the time. It just saves time by not getting into akward standoff where you are not sure if the driver will wait for you and driver is not sure if you are going or not.
e_braz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:35:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too!
rionaplenty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:53:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god I do this all the time
leadabae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:40:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg I do this all the time, especially at small streets where there isn't a light.
Smartoad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:07:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any time a car is trying to pull out of a driveway or intersection I just go behind them. I hate the uncertainty of right of way so I just avoid it all together
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait? Isn't this just normal?
Note: Cars have the passing priviledge in my country, so you have to wait for cars to pass before you can, so you won't get smashed.
draemscat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:55 on October 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't make any sense to me. How are you ever supposed to cross the road if cars never stop?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:07 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You pass when nobody is passing, or can pass, obviously.
draemscat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:30:34 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds incredibly dangerous.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:38 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the streets with heavy traffic, yes, but not incredibly. You have to be more careful. But they still have to slow down at the traffic lights, lanes or zebra crossings.
Also, there are usually overpasses over major streets.
MoroseOverdose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:36:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thank god, I'm not alone
MiguelGuerreiro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:54:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God I do this on a daily basis, good to know I'm not alone
Twinx7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:50 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this very often, its a lot of the time quicker than the "no, YOU go" we have here in Toronto.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:53:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Photog77 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 22:31:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it in situations where it will be faster for me if they just drive past without stopping.
DianiTheOtter ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:01:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to come off as hostile or anything. Do you walk much? Most people general don't think about being, "legally bound." I've had people;floor it when I'm half way across, not stop, etc
teh_maxh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:06:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah? So if they ignore their legal obligation and kill me, they'll go to jail? That makes me feel so much better about being dead!
leondrias ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:41:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this, but honestly I donโt even care about how awkward it looks anymore. Most of the time if they look like theyโll stop Iโll just turn to the right and walk behind them as they pass, assuming thereโs enough space.
averywetfrog ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:59:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I too do this, but only if I'm by myself.
nuggetsofpoop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that all the time. It's just so much faster for the car to just drive instead of waiting for me.
X-ScissorSisters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stop walking and stare them down until they go first, total power move
nanna_mouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:26 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In addition to this, I speed up to catch up with someone else and cross at the same time as them, then as soon as we've crossed I stop and "answer a text" so I'm not walking two steps behind a complete stranger.
billet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:06 on October 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not awkward at all. That's exactly what I do. If you stop at all, they are required by law to stop. Why make them do that? I'll stop and look at my phone or something, but your method works too.
DianiTheOtter ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just walk around them.
dwerpl ยท 1852 points ยท Posted at 20:48:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a lark I decided to join the swim team in 9th grade. On the first day of practice we had to lift weights first thing. I was a scrawny kid who over did it trying to look tough. By the end I couldnt lift my arms. Then, after changing and shuffling onto the poolside bleachers, I heard the coach say that we were going to do 25 laps as a warm up. I knew I couldn't do that and would sink like a stone but there was no way I could walk off, in a speedo, and save my pride. So, instead, when he finished his pep talk by saying "All you springboard divers just head on over and start stretching before doing dive warm-ups" I made the spontaneous decision to switch sports. I had never even been on a diving board before.
I was so self-conscious that people would know that I switched because I was too weak to swim 25 laps that I stuck with it for THREE YEARS and ended up earning a varsity letter as a diver.
[deleted] ยท 300 points ยท Posted at 23:10:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's a good story.
Cheerful-Litigant ยท 97 points ยท Posted at 02:17:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is amazing.
I probably would've just faked a seizure, in the least convincing way possible.
trey3rd ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 02:44:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus 25 laps as a warm up sounds intense.
asentientgrape ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:18 on January 26, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
And weights before practice just sounds like an incredibly irresponsible plan
DirtyT92 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 06:06:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That worked out as well as it possibly could have.
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:48:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/wholesome
oculus_1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:18:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naicu
badass_panda ยท 22301 points ยท Posted at 17:25:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accidentally locked myself on the roof of my office's parking garage ... it was my first week there and I didn't know the doors closed behind you and locked, I'd left my access badge on my desk.
Rather than call for help and be "that guy", I ... climbed down the side of the parking garage.
RitsuKawa ยท 7461 points ยท Posted at 18:34:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once did the same thing at my high school. Only there was nothing to climb down. It was on the second floor. I thought it wasn't that high so I could jump and brace myself for the landing and not get hurt. I broke my leg and had to go to the hospital.
TrashPanda_Papacy ยท 15832 points ยท Posted at 19:15:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's in the name of the school.
ghostrider68 ยท 679 points ยท Posted at 20:25:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed way too hard at that. I love jokes like that.
genezkool323 ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 22:17:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've been subscribed to Dad Jokes. If you'd like to unsubscribe... oh wait you can't! You gotta be 18 and move out before you can avoid these, sonny!
critical2210 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:25:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I subscribe so Cyanides fun facts?
MachoManShark ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:56:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know the average woman uses her height in lipstick every 5 years?
lazing_in_the_welkin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:28:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have been subscribed to Cyanide Gorilla Facts.
angelbelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That really only gives you a temporary relief until thanksgiving.
argh523 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:20:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/dadjokes
kemushi_warui ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:14:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do as well, fellow human. Have a karma.
Aldosaur2a8 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:24:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Casually waits for someone to comment a link to a subreddit that is filled with jokes like this
griffcoal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:33:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/dadjokes
thewriter21 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:08:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/scenesfromahat might appeal
EggTee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:13:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Between this one and the juggalo joke there's been some great quips in this thread.
mylivingeulogy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you'll really love this one!!
DerEddi97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These are pure gold
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 21:02:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would enroll
DabestbroAgain ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 23:17:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do I block users
chasing_the_wind ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:47:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldโve gone to Low School instead
palunk ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 21:59:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, might have been ok at middle school.
Chihuatlan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:22:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had actually read this comment, then was on to reading other comments when it made sense, so I giggled so hard. I had to come back to this one to upvote it.
TheDonBon ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:33:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a call center. I'm on the phones pretending to be other people in very serious situations. You're not supposed to make me laugh out loud.
roboticon ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:58:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretending to be other people in very serious situations? What kind of call center?
Potato_Peelers ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:48:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A suicide hotline.
TheDonBon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:49:16 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I interpret sign language phone calls, all done in first person. The "suicide hotline" comment isn't entirely off, I make all sorts of calls.
wtfpwnkthx ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:53:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is meant to refer to the drugs and not an actual elevation. Jeez.
regionalphilbin ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:41:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a high school that played against GET High.
HoboStabz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:15:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is fucking perfect
meowmeow138 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:09:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dad?
BrainWrex ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:57:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes, thank you for this haha
darthrobot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:17:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โIโll brace myselfโ Oh sure, make up some new physics laws too!
a-r-c ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:05:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmfao underrated post
Edit: it is now a perfectly-rated post
Kraymur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:15:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're mistaken, he was just really, really baked.
ScholarlyOpossum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard at this it woke my wife up damn you!
MrLesterNygaard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:01:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. You gotta pay nasa to go rescue my sides now.
literallyclickedit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:02 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm kinda mad that you were gilded, not once. not twice. but three damn times for that
Oh, Reddit.
*I'm not actually mad, so no pitchforks please
Flaming_gerbil ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddam it take your up vote.
gambitx007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok Dad we get it
pseudopseudonym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
applause
shardikprime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crashsolutely barbaric
NematodesRpeople2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo. You win Reddit!
MoeX_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For crying out loud, you made me look like a fool in the office
Lutheritrux ยท -21 points ยท Posted at 21:06:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was gonna upvote, but 420 seemed the perfect number
badass_panda ยท 1100 points ยท Posted at 18:42:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that is not an ideal way for that to have turned out
RitsuKawa ยท 962 points ยท Posted at 18:48:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, I refused to tell the doctor the truth about how I got hurt because I was so embarrassed. He was not happy with me.
farmtownsuit ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 20:49:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What did you tell the doctor then?
Also fuck being embarrassed to tell people things when there's inherent confidentiality in the situation (lawyer, doctor, etc...). What are they gonna do? Judge you? Fuck em, they can't tell anyone what you said without risking their entire professional career, so it's not like what you said leaves the room. And since they're a professional, it's not like you're running into them on a regular basis. Tell them everything even remotely relevant.
RitsuKawa ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 21:10:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told him I fell off the retaining wall behind the school that was only 4ft high. So he knew I was full of it.
Wanemore ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:41:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's odd. It's definitely very possible to break your leg from 4 ft up if you land at a bad angle. Seems weird that he'd be so sure you were lying
babobudd ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 00:11:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It could be that the kid was acting strange because of embarrassment and so the doctor was probing them to try and make sure they weren't lying to cover for an abusive family member.
RitsuKawa ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:00:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk, maybe I'm just a terrible liar and that's why he didn't believe me.
Kernalburger ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:30:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recently literally stepped off a curb, maybe 1 foot down and broke my tibia and shattered my ankle. Surgeon told me that kinda shit happens all the time. Your doctor is a dick.
Technical_Machine_22 ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 21:03:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Judgy doctors do suck though, and rob you of any confidence you had in them. My previous doctor couldn't stop comparing me to their son. They'd ask things like what I was studying, where I worked etc. Then would say things like "oh, my son is your age and he's in medical school." or "oh that reminds of how my son climbed Everest with a lion on his back."
Dude... I'm here because my knee feels like it's falling off, I'm not your son, shut up and refer me to a physical therapist already.
Grenyn ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 21:47:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People like that suck regardless of their profession. It's okay to be proud of your children, but never rub their success in someone's face.
justbear ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:14:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dentist does this! Twice a year I have to listen to how my degree (environmental science) isn't that great and I'll never make a lot of money and HIS daughter is like a psychologist or in grad school or something. The worst part is I can't say something snarky back because his hands are in my mouth.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:29:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
frolicking_elephants ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:53:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck? How do you have teeth at all?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:26:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
frolicking_elephants ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:05:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It sucks that he blames you for it. He should know better.
idiomaddict ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like such a failure. I have enamel and get more cavities than you do.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:38:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
idiomaddict ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't help, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
I have been told that I have "corrosive saliva," so...
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:21:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could...accidentally...bite him. (No, donโt really do that. Can you find a new dentist?)
justbear ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I liked the hygienist and I am lazy so I put up with it for years. But now I've moved out of state so goodbye!!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good! I love my dentist, even though Iโm scared of going to see him. Thatโs one of those professional relationships that really needs to be positive!
Wanemore ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:44:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lucky for her they're opening a psychology factory right down the street.
teamramrod456 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:21:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've noticed that a lot people hate that conversation technique of comparing them to someone else or even one-upping you but I think it's just how some people try to be relatable, and unintentionally come across as condescending.
apostrophie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:11:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, I do that. I'm really just trying to be relatable and continue the conversation. :(
SailedBasilisk ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:24:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I just fell and landed like that. It was a million-to-one shot, doc!"
CabbagePastrami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you have a story to tell...
UnicornRider102 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:43:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yet another example of you doing something dumb because you were too awkward to do the normal thing. The doctor just wanted to make sure nobody injured you, especially your parents or teachers. You could have told him you jumped off a second story because you thought it would be fine. Lots of kids do similar things.
weedful_things ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:39:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sprained my ankle at the end of my shift once but waited until I got home to go to the doctor. Partly it was because I didn't want a recordable incident on my record, but mostly it was because I was careless and felt stupid.
zpuma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:43:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Howd you break your leg?! Not telling! It's a secret. The mafia will get me.
etelrunya ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:09:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rule of thumb: always tell the doctor what happened. You are not the most unusual thing they've seen that day.
poopscooper34234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I fell on it"
Space_Cowboy21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:02:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like a cop.
Coastie071 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:15:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tuck and roll man. Tuck and roll.
g0atmeal ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Generally better but you need horizontal momentum. From anything over 3 meters you really shouldn't risk it. Acceleration is deceptively fast.
fingerandtoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:02:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9.81m/s2 itโs not deceptive.
g0atmeal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:16:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People don't usually internalize the exponent, and might think a double height is only equivalent to double speed.
linhtinh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:04:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tuck and roll from two stories and he could have gotten paralyzed..
Toland27 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:54:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah unless you know exactly what to do, a tuck and roll from that height will just have you land on your spine(or even worse, your head) instead of your legs
GayWarden ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:23:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aim for the bushes.
FartingBob ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:47:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THERE GOES MY HERO
DaughterEarth ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:38:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a dream about this last night. I was at my college to visit teachers and the second floor was really high and totally open to the lower floor. I noticed the edge and that made me slip off it. Decided I was too lazy to try to pull myself up so I dropped and broke my legs. Woke up thinking I should go visit my teachers
buellster92 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:03:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How often did people sing that one line from "I'm not okay" by Mu Chemical Romance to you after?
dainternets ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:03:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine you being found by a teacher as you're yelling with a broken leg.
"Oh my god, how'd this happen!?"
"AHHHHHHH.... I.... tripped."
NadNutter ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:25:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For future reference, if you ever need to jump off a potentially dangerous height, upon impact you should not brace your legs, but instead immediately drop into a forward roll. This will probably keep you from breaking your legs.
snowman334 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:42:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But, if you've never done it before, you might break your neck instead.
I think the better solution is to not fucking jump!
thr3sk ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:13:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gonna want to do an over-the-shoulder roll instead, forward roll is too risky - better to dislocate your shoulder than break your neck.
NadNutter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:46:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oops, that's actually what I was referring to. I've always referred to it as a forwards roll, I wasn't aware of the distinction between their names. Thanks for clearing that up!
eeyore102 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:33:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For future reference, next time lower yourself as far as you can first by hanging off the edge by your hands, then drop.
farmerfound ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
....were you looking for the pool?
nuttshells ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats really funny, i had to jump from my girlfriend's roof two weeks ago so her grandma wouldn't catch us. Fun times.
colorblindrainbow917 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:50:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A kid at my school did something similar, he got on top of the building and then someone shouted "flip or no balls" he then proceeded to flip off the building and faceplant on the ground. A few days later a (maybe faking) weird kid in one of my classes was watching the video except he kept rewinding it to the moment of impact because "it sounded funny"
Skidvish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:46:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the best way to pull that off is to hang from the edge, then let yourself fall
monthos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At mid thirties, I don't understand how I did the things I did at late teens and early 20's. For instance, when I still lived with my parents we were cutting down a tree that was between the house and garage (detached, but very close with only a walkway between them).
So I climbed out a second story window onto the roof of the porch, it was solidly second story height, they threw a saw up, and I cut some medium sized branches, mostly the stuff we needed out of the way when we finally fell the entire tree, due to clearance in a small walkway. Afterwards, quite a few of my friends were helping too so I felt the need to act like a badass and I just jumped from the roof to the grass. It hurt, but no broken bones.
Today that would likely severely injure me.
AnAussiebum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:54:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it's a bit late now for this information, but I'm pretty sure if you land more 'limp like' you could have gotten away with some bruises. Although, I've yet to be forced to implement this strategy, so I'm relying on my med school mate for this info.
RememberValentine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:04:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me, too, kind of! A teacher locked two of my classmates and me into a classroom, after we were running through the floors and had hidden there. However, in the room next door were other kids, who opened the window for us, and we just hopped from window to the next. It was on the third floor, though, so that was not the most wise idea. The teacher must have been quite scared when he opened the door later and just saw the open window.
therealpanserbjorne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:27:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: if you're ever in this situation again, don't jump. Grab the side of the ledge you are jumping from with your hands and hang by your arms before you drop. It will shave off the distance to the ground.
sophmorph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was that one or two stories, then?
RitsuKawa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The part I jumped off was a one story add-on. I went out of a door on the second floor of the main building to get to that part of the roof.
Edited for clarity.
NewCommonSensei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you sued the school
dopadelic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you at least try to parkour the landing?
ididreaditreally ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jump off it? or at least hang off an edge and fell down?
RettyD4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend jump off a 3 story roof on a dare when we were 13 and he didn't suffer a thing. I was trying to talk him out of it, but no. It was onto grass. It probably helped we was a really good basketball player, but still he got lucky as hell.
Pass3Part0uT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really isn't that high, your jump and roll needs to improve. LPT: Hang down before jumping.
proweruser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you count that? Is the groung floor counted as 1 or would that be one higher? I think you count ground as 1 in the US, don't you? If so that really wasn't that high. I think you problem was going stiff.
RitsuKawa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the ground floor was the first one.
ceojp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looking for the swimming pool?
blzy99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have rolled when you hit the ground.
CeterumCenseo85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you read this and don't realize he's talking about the American second floor....at least that's what I assume.
Instincts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have aimed for the bushes
benjavari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:36 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the same at all.
Virginth ยท 2707 points ยท Posted at 18:25:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The side of a parking garage? I can't imagine one that would be possible to climb down the side of. That had to be absurdly dangerous.
badass_panda ยท 3322 points ยท Posted at 18:34:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was very very unwise, but surprisingly achievable.
NationalDirt ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 20:04:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait? Was there a ladder
badass_panda ยท 295 points ยท Posted at 20:57:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was not, but you could kind of swing over the barrier and then drop yourself down to the next barrier, if that makes sense
sizzlebong ยท 376 points ยท Posted at 22:17:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so only like a 20% chance of dying got it
Macktologist ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 00:34:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That only make sense if the floors got progressively further out as you descended. Otherwise, youโre climbing over a rail then trying to somehow get enough swinging momentum to pendulum into the next floor while missing that rail directly below. Sounds scary as shit.
dontbereadinthis ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 01:08:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he did the swing, he's fuckin' crazy haha.
plasticsporks21 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:52:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, his name is badass panda
whatifimnot ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:09:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIGHT?!?!?
MrGameAmpersandWatch ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:56:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen my friend attempt to parkour over such an edge.
havron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:55:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Storytime? (:
MrGameAmpersandWatch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:18:10 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bit late, essentially he was drunk and decided to follow another friend who was actually practices parkour.
He remembers jumping over the railing, forgetting what he was doing, and trying to sit mid-air. We remember running to look over as we could hear the landing did not go well. We ended up running around the ramp to the lower level and finding him sitting in a lot of pain. I don't know if anything actually broke but he walked with crutches for a bit and we teased him for having a broken ass.
NationalDirt ยท 167 points ยท Posted at 21:04:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
duuuude that is like what
puggerlover0723 ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 21:42:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
ThatRogueOne ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:34:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You beat me by an hour. Curse you chemistry exam!
Gonzo_Rick ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 00:59:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you think you did?
DrongoTheShitGibbon ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 01:07:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I aced it but I am now stuck on the roof of a parking garage.
ModgePodg3 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:35:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try the panda thing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:56:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try climbing down the side.
camiphants ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:07:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was pretty alright
ThatRogueOne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:33:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I did well. Scores come out either tonight or tomorrow night. The topics were pretty easy, just remembering a lot of compounds and things that threw me off.
Gonzo_Rick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad to hear it! If it's all the same to you, let me know how you did. What level chem?
ThatRogueOne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:19:45 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I completely forgot to get back with you. I got a 75, which is a C, but I have an 85 in the class. I havenโt looked at what I missed yet
Gonzo_Rick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:13 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No worries! As my old freshman college roommate use to say, "Cs get degrees".
ThatRogueOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:26 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh. I donโt think you know how many times my brother, friend, and I have said that.
Gonzo_Rick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:15:52 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe I do......
ThatRogueOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:31 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0.o
ThatRogueOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will do. CHE 105. Introductory.
Pyrochemist36 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:11:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was the test on? (Chem teacher here)
Total_bacon ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:56:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
Tripolite ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:38:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How to cook meth
Pyrochemist36 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:00:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My students always have a hard time with that one.
Tripolite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol if you actually teach how im taking your class
Pyrochemist36 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And now I have to post the obligatory "I don't actually teach kids how to make meth" just to make sure this post never comes back to haunt me.
We don't make drugs but I have some kids make fireworks for their spring projects, so that's kinda fun.
Tripolite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh should of seen this coming, my bad. Making fireworks sound pretty cool
havron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out, and you sir are awesome. My dad and I used to make our own fireworks when I was a kid. It was great fun.
ThatRogueOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Limiting reagents, balancing reactions, strong acids and bases, oxidation rules, redox reactions, polyatomic ions, and a few other things.
Pyrochemist36 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting. High school or college? That's a lot of things to have on one test. My kids are taking a test on balancing reactions, stoichiometry and limiting reactions next Friday.
ThatRogueOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
College. I didnโt take the AP exam because our science department quit and the school hired a teacher that was still in college and we watch YouTube videos of chemistry in class. All I remember from her is OIL RIG for oxidationrules.
Edit: They were going to also have energy transfer, but they decided to remove it about a week before the exam.
Pyrochemist36 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:43:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that really sucks man; I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. Hopefully you passed your test!
ThatRogueOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens. If there werenโt any bad teachers, then there canโt be any good teachers. Thanks
Edit: Wording.
ryeguy ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:44:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hit us with a google street view i have to see this
badass_panda ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:48:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would prefer not to share the location of my current job with Reddit, but I shared a picture of a similar structure somewhere else on the thread.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:52:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looked at your comments and you havent posted any pictures?
Shikogo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/slug/doam70f
Quickloot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:09:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing there
Shikogo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:31:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, this is weird. If you look in his posting history, you can find this comment, but if you actually try to open it in the thread it comes up empty. Either way, this is the linked image.
pinktini ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 23:16:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sitting in a classroom so quiet you can hear a pin drop...trying my damndest in holding my laugh. You can hear me choking on my breath
Stanniss_the_Manniss ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/actuallymadmadlads
saxxy_assassin ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:30:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you enjoy brushes with death?
Soup44 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 23:18:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
Mustaline ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:09:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love this
Dirus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:29:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer bushels of death
havron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer bushels of cake
DerekB52 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:14:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you find a picture of a parking garage that looks at least a little similar to the one you climbed down? Because this sounds pretty stupid.
badass_panda ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:25:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was pretty stupid.
ididntknowiwascyborg ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:55:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Judging from the many videos I've seen of pandas intentionally dropping/rolling themselves off of various playground equipment, your username has become absurdly accurate.
Crashy7890 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:48:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Quarkster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait how did this help you get back in?
musclenugget92 ยท -27 points ยท Posted at 22:10:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You aren't op wtf are you doing
DrSpacemanSpliff ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:02:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just chaos
General_Kenobi896 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:15:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GODS, CHAOS WAS A LADDAH THEN
whirl-pool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panda's don't need or use ladders.
Ky1arStern ยท 172 points ยท Posted at 21:26:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Very Unwise but surprisingly achievable" sounds like every girl I slept with in college
dylanhoover32 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:28:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!redditsilver
Chili_Palmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ba dum tiss
Quackenstein ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:41:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the 70's the University of Cincinnati had a three story parking garage. The stairwell was enclosed in these hollow bricks that let wind and weather in. They had 6" octagonal holes all the way up the side of the structure. I was about 13 and me and a buddy climbed up and down and across that thing for almost half an hour. We even played tag!
Nowadays I can't go near a high ledge, but at 13 I was invincible!
badass_panda ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:48:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was the same way growing up, show me something to climb and I'm climbing it.
Quackenstein ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:11:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last thing I climbed was when I was 19. A rock wall by Hanging Lake in Colorado. Beautiful spot. No training. No equipment just started climbing. About 60' up I got stuck. Couldn't go up. Couldn't go down. So I went up anyway and got real lucky. Don't climb anything more than a ladder anymore and I'm none too fond of them.
MeatMeintheMeatus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:32:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to hear this story with some more details about how you decided to go progressively higher, your thought process, and how you processed what to do next when you realized you were stuck. Please.
Quackenstein ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:59:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Godammit. I was gonna go to bed but....
Me and my buddies would do stupid shit like this on rocks in Colorado. Nothing too tough but stuff we had no business messing with. Hanging lake was about a few miles hike off of I-70 east of Glenwood Springs. It was gorgeous! (I hear that's changed but I don't want to think about it.
The lake has a wide waterfall into it and dozens of little falls above. There's a big rock face on one side. My friends had brought up some vodka and some sort of drink mix. They used that and water from the lake to put themselves to sleep on a rock in the sun. I wasn't much of a drinker so I started looking around for something to do. That was the rock face.
I don't know how high it was. I was never a good estimate of things like this, but it was high. I looked at that rock for a while and saw a route that seemed to provide hand and footholds all the way. Without much internal debate I started up.
Everything went pretty much as I expected until I got near the end. From the ground I had seen where I had to switch from one spot to another and it looked like simple. The problem was that it's hard to judge distance when you're standing at the bottom of a structure looking up at it. What looked like a simple transition was actually about a foot and a half beyond comfortable reach.
Okay. What could I do? I had looked at another path while scouting so I decide to try that alternative. All I had to do was backtrack a dozen feet and go up the other side. This entailed climbing down, which I soon found to be difficult and essentially impossible. Not only did I have to find traction mostly by feel, I had to look down, which emphasized the long drop onto broken rocks that would follow any mistake.
So, I couldn't go down, I couldn't go up. Any other options? Well, I could yell down to my sleeping friends who could then hike down to the road then drive back to town and get some help to come fetch a moron off of a wall. All while I cling precariously to said wall. This was 1983. Car phones were barely a thing, let alone cell phones. It could be two or three hours before rescue. I just couldn't see myself holding on that long. My perch was just too precarious.
Well, as I said before, the handhold I scouted from below was just beyond comfortable reach so....I reached uncomfortably. After about three minutes of breathing and concentrating on exactly what I had to do and how I had to do it, I lunged for that handhold. I did everything perfectly and got a firm grip on the rock with both hands and feet. I swear I thought the flush of relief was gonna make me knock me off after all that. But I stayed on and was up and over the top in quick order. I walked down the path that went around the back of the rock and hung out until my buddies woke up and we went back to town. I didn't mention the climb.
That look down from the rock mus have stayed with me. I'm really wonky about ledges and roof edges and such. That was just one of a several instances of stupidity I shouldn't have survived. This was one that I actually took a lesson from right away. The others, not always so much.
Also, this narrative gives a much more coherent and linear framework to the experience than the reality of it. Picture a 19 year old stoner in sneakers, cutoffs and zero climbing acumen looking at a cliff and saying, "I wonder if I can climb that. Hm. Yeah, I can go there...and there...and...yeah! I can do it!" and off he goes! That was me three and a half decades ago.
So, that was my thought process as I was climbing a rock I had no business on. Couldn't go down, couldn't go up so I went up. I hope this is what you were looking for. I would edit it but I'm tired, so you get it in raw form. Thanks for asking. I've always kinda wanted to write this story down. Now I have the backbone of it and I can clean it up later. Have a good night.
Regretful_Bastard ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:18:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really liked both the story itself and how you've told it, mate.
Must've been pretty surreal to realize you were a misjump away from falling to your death at the age of 19, to put it mildly.
Quackenstein ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:50:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. It was very weird. Thinking about how I had to move every muscle to do this thing just right and even thinking about the contingency of what to do if I missed. How do I land to possibly increase my chances of survival? Do I even want to take a chance on surviving and being paralyzed or should I turn head down to make sure I died? I'm pretty sure that counts as a surreal internal discussion. I hadn't decided by the time I made the leap. I guess I thought I'd figure it out on the way down.
havron ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:09:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is how many of us approach big life-changing decisions throughout our lives, perhaps all too often.
MeatMeintheMeatus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:47:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
Quackenstein ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:50:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome!
p1-o2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:01:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My palms immediately started sweating at the thought of hanging up 60 feet and clinging to a rock.
LadsAndLaddiez ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:36:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bad ass, pa-anda
does whatever a spider can... da
[deleted] ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 21:03:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
badass_panda ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 21:16:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a fairly accurate mental image
Foibles5318 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:56:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surprisingly achievable for a badass panda
YouOldCuss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like the title of your autobiography.
badass_panda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I ever write one that'd actually be a very appropriate title!
Lost-My-Mind- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:05:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've proven that you're badass. Now prove you're a panda.
seeking_hope ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:34:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didnโt you walk down through the parking garage?
primegopher ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:39:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because he was locked on the roof?
MarsBars4Lyfe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of my decisions
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pqrkour
MrPokinatcha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment summarizes 90% of the things I have done in my adult life. (Don't know if proud or ashamed...)
NeverBeenStung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me you were wearing a suit. Makes for a hilarious image
badass_panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Business casual at our office at the time
Asian_Dumpring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least the username checks out
Joshuadavid22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
UmbertoEcoTheDolphin ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 00:04:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You, Surname! Czechs out!
Rezanator11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hard for a man, but surprisingly achievable for a badass panda.
Insomniacrobat ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 21:30:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Edit: Don't know why I'm being downvoted. Scaling a parking garage is badass. I guess maybe being a badass is a bad thing? In which case, username doesn't check out...
very_Smart_idiot ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:31:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many jet lo movies did you need to watch before you were ready
watto127 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:20:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
FarahInAThread ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely badass๐
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:52:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you are one badass panda
CantPickDamnUsername ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:55:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 00:49:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! Reddit! So quirky!! 1337 y'all!!!!
KimioN42N ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I assume that's how you got your username, right?
Seasalt203 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Living up to your name
righty_76 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
TheElPistolero ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:12:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really depends but a lot of buildings have scalable sides. parking garages especially because they often dont build full walls in order to leave them open air.
badass_panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, this is one of the ones with a waist high barrier and open walls otherwise
Rick-powerfu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But surprisingly fun.
I enjoy stupid things or challenges like this. probably will get me good one day
edbwtf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try this one: https://www.nkbv.nl/imgupload/Actueel/sportklimmen/kalymnos/kalymnos.jpg
The-Real-Mario ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm thinking about the multistory garage at Vancouver airport, that would be pretty easy
Vihurah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
its very possible, especially on diamond grated ones. i used to do it all the time during urbex and shit
Jeff-Van-Gundy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jackie Chan did that in Rumble in the Bronx...how do we know OP isn't Jackie Chan?
ChivalrousBasterd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well he is a badass panda...
Pronto295 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suuuper easy actually. Not as easy as climbing up the center via the braided steel guards, but very doable.
Source: used to be an expert drunk climber.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who went to boarding school as a teenager, there's a surprising number of ways to scale a floor or two if you really have to.
Being fat and middleaged now would rule out like 3/4ths of those options though, unless you wanted to flirt with a non-zero chance of serious injury.
CarTamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you would have fallen, they would be wondering why you commited suicide
Cruxion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering it has a locked roof, I'm assuming it's not a normal parking garage. There's no way he could climb down a flat concrete surface.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well he is a badass panda after all...
ClearTheCache ยท 11436 points ยท Posted at 18:11:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You went from security breach to OSHA violation really quick
MrTambourineDan ยท 5732 points ยท Posted at 20:36:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He went from regular dude to Ezio Auditore really quick.
[deleted] ยท 148 points ยท Posted at 23:17:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Altair
SPDSKTR ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 23:23:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ratonhnhakรฉ:ton.
Rogue12Patriot ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 23:33:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shay
fatalityfun ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 23:59:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arno
Nega1985 ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 00:05:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edward
zunawhyyoudothis ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:14:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eldric.
Valkyrie21 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 00:36:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ed...ward.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:48:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't do this to me, dammit.
zunawhyyoudothis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:01:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gosu Pepper.
2FLY2TRY ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:05:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what about Alphonse?
zunawhyyoudothis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is in heaven playing with a special puppy.
GoldLeader18 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:05:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My fav
MrTambourineDan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:32:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oy mek moy awn lohk.
GoldLeader18 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:41:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adewale!
MoonPoolActual ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:47:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woooo
Arsany_Osama ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:02:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe someone out there still remembers his real name.
Orut-9 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:12:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember it, but there's no way in hell I'd be able to spell it
Jman15x ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:53:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not Connor
JosietheIguana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah
-boysdontcry- ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:16:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did he eagle dive off the roof into a pile of bushes?
Macktologist ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:31:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess there wasnโt a wagon of hay nearby.
cqm ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:46:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
desynchronized
requium94 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:34:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bene! Now I have a way back up in case I fall.
TheMysteriousMid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:36:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And by fall, you mean jumping off in a random direction for no fucking reason.
hereineden ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:38:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spiderman, is that you?
sean_xc12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:02:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao
Cruxion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:48:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But he didn't jump down into a hay bale as a hawk screeched?
zleek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ezio auditor*
WhyToAWar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AND YOU CAN'T TEACH THAT.
this_is_balls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:02 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is impressive! Though reckless!
[deleted] ยท 1357 points ยท Posted at 19:36:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
hyper_vigilant ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 20:10:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to read this twice to understand, it must be less than an hour until work is over.
farmtownsuit ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 20:45:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eastern time zone? Us suckers here in CST still have an hour and 15 minutes before we're released.
hyper_vigilant ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 20:56:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But we started an hour earlier.
5 minutes to go, if that helps! (:
TheInvisibleDuck ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 21:29:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mwahahahaha UK here and I'm in bed
liderc_ ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:35:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Northern Europe here, I need to be at work in 7h 30min
Julian2000nl ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:00:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Western Europe here, I have to be at work in 9h 15m
laytey22 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:07:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian here, just finished work
NobbelGobble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ireland here. I finished work 12 hrs ago and just woke up from an alcohol nap
BoboTheBurner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hawaii here. 1 hour til pau work!
LadsAndLaddiez ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:44:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm unemployed.
FlapYourWingsBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love reading how time got higher and higher... And then there's the Canadian. ๐
AokijiFanboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, I'm reading this on the bus from work.
NightmareIncarnate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
USA here, I have to be at work in an hour.
HappycamperNZ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:06:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its Friday here
CLErox ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:02:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this ever actually happening to anyone? Iโm a guy with a good sense of humor and I drink tons of water. Iโve never once, in my 33 years on earth spit out my drink from laughter.
awildketchupappeared ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:36:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually manage to inhale my drink into my lungs. But I don't need to be even laughing to manage to do that.
carlson71 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:12:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't need to hear something funny to do that, I just suck at drinking.
crimsonblade911 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:24:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You think that's tought? I can't even blink and breath at the same time. Im like : blink- GAAASPPP
StanleyQPrick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's happened to me a few times.
GeelongJr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:19:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone says this. Lol how do you not have enough self control not to spit all your drink everywhere? People cannot actually do this
-GheeButtersnaps- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly, haha. Learn how to control your body. Imagine what the world would be like if this was genuinely a common thing? It would be chaos out there!
awildketchupappeared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually manage to inhale my drink into my lungs. But I don't need to be even laughing to manage to do that.
lava172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens if I'm laughing with my friends but not if I'm reading reddit comments. The most audible reaction I've ever gotten from a reddit comment was 2 seconds of normal laughter, and that was with a very funny comment.
SoGodDangTired ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually choke and can't swallow it, so I just end up spitting it out, but once or twice a laugh had caught me off guard and I did a baby spit take
DoubleDeadGuy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:50:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that you say that... I spilt coffee on my keyboard 2 weeks ago but I just put it over to the side and brought one from home because Iโm too awkward to ask IT for a new one.
_MusicJunkie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry too much. Keyboards cost virtually nothing. We get new keyboards, mice, display cables,... with every. singe. PC. we buy. We have loads and loads of keyboards nobody will ever need. If you ask, you can have three keyboards too if it means the stack gets a little smaller.
DoubleDeadGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But our development team uses Apple computers and I made them specifically order the wired Apple keyboard with the num pad. So Iโm awkward AND picky I guess.
Yuvalk1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:47:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why I always work with two sets of keyboard and mouse. Less awkward talks with IT, and more productivity
Goofybud16 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:27:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So that is where all of /u/airz23's keyboards went.
Pack it up /r/talesfromtechsupport, mystery solved.
rdo197 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:44:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bags and bags of keyboards
jwwkB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sick reference bro
roboticon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sauce plz?
Goofybud16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at /u/airz23's submitted posts
roboticon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:09:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I opened four or five of them and Ctrl-F'd for "keyboard", including the one with "key" in the title. I didn't feel like hunting through every post they'd submitted so...
Edit: just did the same but sorting by "top". The top post actually does mention keyboards but only in the context of wireless mice...
Goofybud16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:19:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/2080uo/security_case_one/
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/208esu/security_case_15/
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/20bgeu/security_it_help_desk_afternoon/
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/20bjxd/security_the_vp_saga_part_seven/
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/20bp2m/security_the_vp_saga_part_eight/
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/20gj3h/security_it_tale_swapping_audit_part_two/
Those are the first ones I found that mention keyboards in them.
I still highly recommend reading them all from the beginning.
_Lady_Deadpool_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:25:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went from
watching pornwatching YouTube videos to having to fetch a few keyboard for some idiot who spilled water on it because of youAttila_22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:53:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just gonna plug /r/mechanicalkeyboards here.
If you need a new keyboard... you might as well get a good one. My IT dept only gives us the default dell keyboard and it's pretty mediocre.
serenitybyjann ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:08:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gasp not an OSHA violation!!
TheNoveltyAccountant ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:26:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some companies take that very seriously.
weedful_things ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:37:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My company only takes them seriously if you get hurt. Nothing will be said or done until then and then it is you that is in trouble.
reliant_Kryptonite ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:46:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that's a really horrible thing for the company because it won't be the employee in trouble.
Iirc If the employee can prove that the company doesn't care about training and curbing OSHA violations then the company is on the hook for even more damages
shinigami052 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:03:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If an employee is injured (depending on the injury), it must be reported to OSHA. Failure to report is a HUGE violation. After reporting, OSHA may investigate and fine the company for any violations.
Also, OSHA can show up any time at your place of business (or work site) and do an inspection. You do, however, have the right to turn them away but it's probably best if you don't.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are actually getting a lot better.
EmeraldFlight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/notsafeforwork
aw, it's not even a pun sub? shit
ineedanewthrowawy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:17:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can see myself in that predicament. I look around for an option, see that the side of the garage seems surprisingly climbable, and decide to risk it all.
RettyD4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He wasn't doing any work so that wouldn't be OSHA's department. The police may have a mental health check at worst.
HobKing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:46:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol wut
A random dude climbing down a building has nothing to do with OSHA...? lol
shinigami052 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if he works at Foxconn? They have fall (suicide) protection (netting) on the exterior of the building so not an OSHA violation :P
ender323 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure that's still an OSHA violation. OSHA is very redudant. (And that's a pretty reasonable redundancy). Also, OSHA is an American thing only afaik, foxconn is in China.
shinigami052 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just did the OSHA 30hr training class, netting can be a suitable form of fall protection. I know Foxconn is in china and OSHA is a US thing, it was a joke...
Also, most states (26 of them) don't follow OSHA rules and have their own branch of occupational safety at the state level.
A_Galio_Main ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See OSHA fairly often, whats it mean?
heisenberg149 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:45:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Occupational Safety and Health Administration. American Department of Labor organization for workplace safety.
A_Galio_Main ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotcha, thank you
Sir_Fappleton ยท 3269 points ยท Posted at 19:18:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking howling rn just picturing a dude in business casual scaling a fucking parking garage
FrostyD7 ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 21:04:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there had to be something about it that made it not as dangerous as it sounds.
WildBird57 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 23:05:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Usually there are ladders on the outside of them.
Jamoobafoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:31:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
FeatheredSun ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 00:09:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And when he sees you staring, he yells out "...FORGOT MY BADGE".
Gee thanks, Mister. That clears that right up!
Sir_Fappleton ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:22:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAOOOOOO
kylar505 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:17:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Parkour!
Ladyhoney123 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:09:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meanwhile I am thinking of a panda in Work clothes scaling the side of a parking garage .....
stutx ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:49:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome! thanks made me go back and check
Adam657 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 21:03:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a nurse you certainly shouldn't laugh at others' misfortune, so.
Sir_Fappleton ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 21:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that this is hilarious
wtfpwnkthx ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 21:54:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You aren't a nurse if you don't laugh at others' misfortune. You can be empathetic and still understand when things are funny.
Adam657 ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 22:07:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The 'joke' was meant to be that they have abbreivated right now to 'rn' and aren't a nurse.
I have failed.
InMyRestlessDreams ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 22:28:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's... actually pretty clever.
Nomulite ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:36:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... What's an rn?
enquizitor ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 22:37:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Short for Registered Nurse. Actually a clever joke, damn.
Nomulite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:47:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part of something being a joke is that it can't be misconstrued as being serious but yeah, that is kinda funny
jenso2k ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:38:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Registered Nurse. I thought the dude was just being an idiot but that's actually kinda clever.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:47:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok I downvoted you because I thought you were one of those "As a mom..." people. That actually wooshed me pretty good
PM_ME_ALIEN_STUFF ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:20:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ought to edit this so people get the joke :)
allthewayfucked ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:32 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Is that the new guy?" "Man, he is badass!"
Sophex_Ekko ยท 548 points ยท Posted at 18:19:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You wouldn't happen to be from southern California would you?
badass_panda ยท 1094 points ยท Posted at 18:27:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually am, but I don't live there anymore -- this story took place on the east coast.
About halfway down I thought, "Wow this isn't very bright at all is it."
Sophex_Ekko ยท 1553 points ยท Posted at 18:29:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhhh okay, about a year and a half ago I think it was I saw someone doing this in casual business clothes and thought "what in the hell...."
Flatulatory ยท 913 points ยท Posted at 18:46:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess any crime can be a white collar crime.
Thompson_S_Sweetback ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:18:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You dress for the crime you want to commit, not the crime you're committing.
ClassySavage ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 20:03:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It makes it pretty easy to casually stroll away from the scene.
YouShouldTrySnus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sutherland surely didn't see that one coming!
darthrobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If OP is white we also call it white-on-blacktop crime.
EighthOption ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:17:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It brings me joy there's at least a dozen poor bastards that's done this.
tunamelts2 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:04:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how many storeys?
ozdrew ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:13:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heโs just telling one story
Max_Trollbot_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:16:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, if I had a dollar for all the times in my life I've found myself doing something just as stupid and dangerous while softly muttering to myself "well, this was a real bright fucking idea, wasn't it?"
Although my stuff didn't usually come from a place of awkwardness, it originated more from sheer stubbornness and an absolute inability to back down from things.
whatifimnot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:15:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I want to say we should be friends, because I find myself in the same situations for the same reasons, but well, I don't think either of us would benefit from that. We'd just be trying to climb down/up higher buildings, have worse hangovers, and wake up in further away places with stranger things in our backpacks.
Max_Trollbot_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:12:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to completely agree with you on that one.
KenEarlysHonda50 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:48:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you considered taking up motorbike racing?
Because you're nuts enough to pull it off.
serious_sarcasm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've jumped from three stories, and been perfectly fine. Fucked myself up on a 10 foot jump though.
Rikolas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:52:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This quote is priceless. Thank you. not "Wow, I'm a dumb fuck" but "this isn't very bright" just got me in stitches.
Macktologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I guess you couldnโt go one floor down then just walk through rest of garage to the bottom?
badass_panda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:38:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've posted it a couple of other places in the thread, but the roof is actually not another deck of the parking garage and has no "ramp" access to the lower levels, they have a little garden and a bunch of solar panels up there.
NotFromCalifornia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope
nightlyraider ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:10:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my little brother was locked out of my mothers apartment that he lived in at like 2-3 am; so he climbed the facade to their second story balcony and got in thru the sliding door.
mom absolutely flipped out when she realized someone could get in that way, not that brother got home, but that she could have been murdered or something
DrinkingBeerAndStuff ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:37:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine if you were the new guy who fell off the side of the parking garage.
badass_panda ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:52:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About half the way down I started to dwell on how much, much worse that would be.
randiwulf ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 19:53:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Many many years ago when I was younger, so much younger than today, me and my boss locked our self outside a customers building while we took a smoke break. It was around 19:00 and no one in the building.
I was a climber, told my boss I could climb up the facade and enter the open window on the third floor. Boss didn't want to call customer after hours and agreed. So I climbed, went in, ran down the stairs and locked my boss in.
20 minutes later we had to explain to the cops why I climbed in. The cops called the client and got her down to the place we were working. She gave us some extra keys so we could go in and out as we wanted. It was pretty embarrassing. Several people had called the cops reporting of a robbery in action.
scgtrp ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:10:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We prefer the term surprise penetration test.
randiwulf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:22:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol - Guess I started early. I do penetration testing in my work now.
zeddediah ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:55:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uh, that's probably illegal according to the fire codes to have the parking garage trap you at the top. You may want to call that in anonymously because that sounds really dangerous.
badass_panda ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:03:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually a really fair point, I guess no one without a badge is supposed to be too there but even so, probably no bueno
dragn99 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:56:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're an initiative go-getter who gets the job done, and doesn't burden others!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:09:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thought when seeing username and reading this story.
Artist's DeviantArt page: https://stephiesy.deviantart.com
badass_panda ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:35:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing
marshmallowdeviant ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't you walk down following the way the cars drive?
badass_panda ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:15:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, the roof is actually a roof (they have it covered in solar panels and a garden), rather than another deck for the garage... It's a nuisance because there's never enough parking.
Justforthisasshole ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:28:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then why in the hell would you need a badge to get back in? If you are in that area, you already had access to the building.
That would be like requiring a badge to get back out of the restroom.
DarkDroid ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:12:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if they parachuted in?
Justforthisasshole ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:14:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm cracking up at the thought of a few guys having some master plan to break into an office to steal a hard drive or monitor or some kind of bullshit. After countless hours of skydiving training, renting a plane, getting clearance for whatever the hell they are doing, their plan is foiled because Jeanna thought it would raise office morale to put a fucking garden on the roof.
marshmallowdeviant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:20:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah gotcha.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:49:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a fire safety issue
Phantom_Zone_Admin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:45:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A huge fire code violation, and the company would have been liable for any injury or death from the dumb climb down - it is not legal to be able to strand yourself inside any part of a commercial building or parking garage (other than locking yourself in a bathroom or a bank vault or something.)
zeke_11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fire can't go through parking garages, it's not a ghost!
speedofsoul ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:57:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of the time I locked myself in the food storage fridge at my first job. Little did I know there is a pretty obvious door release from the inside. Instead I panicked in the darkness and started knocking on the door calling for my coworker (who happened to be a pretty cute woman). Embarassing.
Your story is much more badass though.
GoyBeorge ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:56:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid my mates and I were into parkour. We used to try and outdo each other with random dramatic exits. The catch phrase was "gotta go!" as if we suddenly realized an appointment or something, then jump out a window, off a balcony, climb out a sun roof at a stop light, slide down a storm sewer, that sort of thing.
Parking ramps were a favorite "gotta go" spot.
MrSydFloyd ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:38:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! I have a story like that!
When I was 18, a friend of mine decided to go to New-Zealand for a year (learning English, discovering a new country, fucking sheep, and whatnot). So he had a "departure party" in his hometown, and we could stay there if we had a tent.
The thing is, the town was really far from my city, and there was no train station nearby, so I went with a friend, named Pierre, who had a car. And as the night went, there were fewer and fewer people, and it was clear that nobody wanted to stay sleeping there. And so did Pierre. So we went back to my town, and he let me there, at my parents'.
However, I had forgotten to take my keys with me, and couldn't wake my parents...
BUT I HAD A TENT ! AND A SLEEPING BAG !
Then I decided to climb up the wall to access the deck over our conservatory, and procedeed to set up the tent. While drunk.
In the morning, sober me didn't want to risk to climb down. And the door to access the deck was situated in... the loo. Thus I called my parents on a Sunday morning to ask them to open the door of the toilets.
Bonus points: my neighbours saw me in the tent and asked my parents why I wanted to sleep on the deck... because our garden seemed more suited to try camping... (drunk me likes to climb apparently)
SonicN ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 18:07:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
username checks out
TheChrono ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably did it with one hand while eating chutes.
Jcashman317 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:47:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i had to jog down 19 stories in an office building cuz i was trying to get a key card and had walked up to an upper floor to get it... to get back in from the stairwell i needed my keycard... which i was on my way to get
SoaDMTGguy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:17:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is it possible for you to become trapped on top of the structure? I find it incredible that laws/safety regulations allowed the only exit to be access-controlled.
(Not doubting your story at all, just flabbergasted you ended up in that situation in the first place!)
matty842 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:50:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bullshit. You don't have the core strength to accomplish this. I've seen you at the gym, you only work your glam muscles.
deadxcolour ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:11:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at my friends apartment complex. She took me around the back to the courtyard entrance. Silly me, when I was leaving thought "Well heck, I'll go the same way!" Because it was scenic and a nice night.
Nope. Got stuck in the courtyard. I couldn't exit without a key, or get into the building without a key. I chose to hop the fence rather than admit defeat.
Phantom_Zone_Admin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:48:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Repeating myself from just up the thread, but this is a fire code violation and the apartment complex is breaking the law. What if there's a fire (or an earthquake or a psycho with a gun) and a guest, or a resident who forgets their key, becomes trapped here? Fire exits are a thing. You must be able to escape in an emergency without having a key.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username kinda checks out ;)
ikilledtupac ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
awesome. risk of death > emberassment imo
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:08:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you became Dwight instead of becoming Michael
badass_panda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no
3kixintehead ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:29:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually kind of badass, so I'm just imagining a panda in business casual on the side of a parking garage.
tristanjones ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:34:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this at an exes apt. We had broken up but i forgot my rarely used bike was locked up in the bike cage of her apt garage. Tailgated a car into the garage. Credit carded my way into the bike cage but turns out you can open the garage door without a fob from the inside. However there is a one floor drop you can do to get out.. had to toss the bike into a bush then drop myself down.
Worth it. She hated when I broke into places anyway.
StatOne ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:50:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Foolishly did this myself once. Can't remember why I did it; decorative blocks on the outside looked so inviting, I guess?
Someshitidontknow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:51:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you imagine if you fell?! "Hey what happened to the new guy?" "He fell off the parking garage."
badass_panda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Idiot..."
ciabattabing16 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:58:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe Big Head wasn't really promoted after all....
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:13:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
badass_panda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty on point, but the drop between floors wasn't as far
iiiiii0t ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
name checks out
ras344 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:01:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many floors was it?
badass_panda ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:02:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just two floors, it's not a huge structure, I don't think I'd have tried it if it were much taller.
Kings-of-the-North ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this, as I was having my coffee early morning I was smoking on a fire exit at our apartment and the wind made the exit door close. So i fucking had to open the latch in the floor so I could use the fucking stairs down to the lower level. (Note this is the kknd of stairs where you need use both hands and feet. Idk the term lols)
temalyen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fears of something like that happening is why I take my badge with me everywhere when i first start somewhere.
akgoel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not actually bad. You saved yourself and others a lot of time instead. I guess the climb down was very risky?
the_dave_ninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:09:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Badass panda indeed
badass_panda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a Dave but also a ninja
waltjrimmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:13:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I'm imagining this as a situation Roy or Moss from IT crowd would find himself in.
Lighthouse412 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You remind me of a friend of mine. Hello friend!
Demonweed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:45:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh, that reminds me of the time I got locked in a basement. In the 90s it wasn't unusual for me to spend a lot of a party away from the main gathering toking away and helping other people get their mood right. Once I was at a house rented by a co-worker I knew, but not really really well. Actually at least three of my colleagues were down in that basement with me when the gang was ready to return upstairs. I lingered to clear the bowl, dispose of ashes, etc. By the time I got up that staircase, the basement door had been locked.
A good pounding could have overpowered the music and brought someone who would let me out of the now unlit basement. Instead I went back downstairs, had another bowl, and nursed half a beer until another party guest wanted to partake. I don't know how long it was, and this was before smartphones, so I might have been down there more than an hour. I remember calling out, "bring me another beer," with some urgency when that first ray of light spilled down the staircase. Of course, this time around I made a point to gather my things and ascend with the hostess when we were done.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks Out
DudeNiceMARMOT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn right
GoTomArrow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would have done the same thing, I love climbing around where I'm not supposed to.
abrunette-minx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why but this is so cute lol
encryptedband ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing happened to me. Second story roof. Decided I'd hang off the edge and then drop. Landed on my butt and cracked two vertebrae and had to wear a back brace for 6 months. But I didn't have to call someone, so I consider it a win.
GraciousBassist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar I managed to lock myself out on a balcony of my university. They didn't have any signs to say the door locks behind you and I just wanted somewhere quiet and secluded to eat my lunch. Instead of just asking someone walking by to come let me in I called my girlfriend to come by and open the door for me on her lunch break.
MalHeartsNutmeg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:11:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're the reason blatantly obvious signs exist. Imagine if HR knew, they'd probably have a heart attack on the spot.
Dynasty2201 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:23:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah woah woah, you climbed down without a ladder or fire escape?
You went full Ezio? Fucking hell. You literally would rather die than be "that guy"???
FireKat91 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:51:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh this happened to someone at my old job once! He got sent to get some stuff from a supply closet in the basement during a rush at our coffee shop and it was about a half hour before we realized that he still hadn't come back yet. Turns out he had made a wrong turn and got himself locked out of the building and trapped on an out of the way car ramp.... which had iced over due to it being winter. We only found him when the person got we sent looking finally got close enough to reach him on the radio (he was too far out of range to reach the rest of us).
grilled_cheese1865 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck you're an idiot
badass_panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't my finest hour.
thrillhou5e ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:34:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then a scary homeless guy started walking towards me and I was like "Oh shit!" And he opened his mouth and my friend was like "Hes gonna say words dude!" And the scary homeless guy was like "Ill let you out cause I have the key cause Im the security guard instead!"
thrustingreatbacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are one badass panda
the_cox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could you not walk down the ramp and follow the path cars take?
badass_panda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roof is a garden kind of thing with solar panels, not another deck of garage.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it stairs? I've only seen parking garages with stairs on the side
isperfectlycromulent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't you have just walked out the same way the cars get out of a parking garage?
Arachnatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please, I'm begging you, find a photo online or a parking garage of the same design so I can better understand how this worked.
rhelic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You found the pool on the roof!
number__ten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fell for the "pool on the roof trick", didn't you?
DusenberryPie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
PmMe_Your_Perky_Nips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
edelweiss234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
theandroqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
DirtyT92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Makes sense, badass_panda.
SlanginFunds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You saved a potentially huge threat to peopleโs perception of you!
PianoMan2012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i like turtles
3TiddlywinksOfCum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I saw a panda climbing down the side of a parking garage I would also consider it a badass
Awesomeduds23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
Kidwit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well this turned into an episode of friends
Atleast you werent locked with someone else... or in a fire escape
AakashJaviA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Angry_Apollo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine you could have just waited by the door for max 10 minutes. I used to deliver Chinese food and I rarely had gate codes. So I would pull off and I rarely waited more than 5 minutes to follow somebody through. I do the same thing if I forget my badge at work. I just sit in the lobby until the next person comes in and follow them in.
NeverDoesAnything ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username..sorta checks out?
Edweird_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did you find the olympic size pool?
redditappsucksdongs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once climbed over a 4m fence to get off the property where I did a summer job on my first day because I didn't bother anybody by asking to let me out
breakmedownkayla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha omg
breakmedownkayla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine if a coworker saw you doing this
JulyLauren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only thing that has made me laugh out loud all day. Thanks.
JumpingSacks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the shop I used to work at the back door had those kind of locks and no realistic way back around to the front. After locking myself out three times in a row and having to call for someone to open the door I was "that guy".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you were in a parkour garage.
7epha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
username checks out
PapaFern ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely something I would have done. Save on embarrassment, heighten the coolometer...the get a serious bollocking for it
TheDevilsHorn ยท 11193 points ยท Posted at 16:37:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw somebody open a roll of pennies before by smacking it on the drawer. I had never opened one before and I had two customers watching me as I smashed pennies all over the place. Now I just tear it open instead of trying to be cool.
Lowcal_calzone_z0n3_ ยท 6305 points ยท Posted at 17:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yeah I've seen people do it that way, but i was too scared to ever try it. One day a new girl (who was already annoying because she tried to boss people around who were her equals and had been there longer) at my old job saw me doing it the slow tearing open way and loudly announced that she could do it faster, proceeded to snatch the roll from me, smack it open and pennies went flying all over, including one that nearly missed the customer waiting on their change. She turned 5 shades of red then disappeared.
So if you ever feel embarassed about your incident at least you didn't do that as obnoxiously and embarassingly as she did.
bastugubbar ยท 2196 points ยท Posted at 17:50:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'she'' is OP
Edit: i don't remmeber making this comment, i don't remember getting any of these annotations, yet it have got 2100 upvotes. huh. i never drink alcohol. i swear.
[deleted] ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 21:11:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT WAS ME
FennlyXerxich ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 21:48:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DIO!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:11:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OH NOOO
JustAnotherPanda ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:52:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IS THAT
ProbablyPostingNaked ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:27:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was the Turkey all along!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:31:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking of the scene in Liar Liar where he farts in the elevator but Gir works too.
Pm_me_steam-codes ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:14:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT WAS MEE BARRY!
jake_eric ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:08:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remember that time you tried to open the penny roll and smashed pennies all over the place? IT WAS ME, BARRY. I WAS THE PENNIES.
Eldebryn ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:59:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unexpected character at post:5 "OPhasballz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:18:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interpret as '
kingfrito_5005 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:37:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cant express how unhappy I feel about those mismatched quotation marks.
EDIT: cant. Not can.
Silent-G ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:29:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Prove it.
kingfrito_5005 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:53:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...God damn typos. One letter missing and it literally says the exact opposite of what I meant.
uncleyachty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:13:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the old reddit penny-a-roo
BlueThumbtack08 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:50:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my humility, I'm going in!
okay_then_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:37 on March 21, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Check your carbon monoxide detector
troodlemani ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:16:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, all Redditors are male.
g0atmeal ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why is "she" in quotation marks?
Tommy_C ยท 965 points ยท Posted at 19:33:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it hit her.
AlwaysSupport ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 21:25:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Here's one they just made up: 'near miss.' When two planes almost collide, they call it a near miss. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss! *crashing sound* Look, they nearly missed." - George Carlin
Gl33m ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 21:47:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know it isn't the point of a joke, but the term "near miss" makes sense.
ribitforce ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 21:58:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been saying near in my head this whole time and it sounds so weird now.
Wafflespro ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:07:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been saying near in my head this whole time and it didn't sound weird until I saw you say it sounded weird.
ArtlyBard ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:55:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel that way about all of Carlin's "stupid phrase" bits.
They're a lot less funny when you realize he's just being purposefully obtuse.
speehcrm1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:10:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He wasn't purposefully obtuse, a lot of his diatribes revolved around highlighting the redundancy and pretention in common english phrases, he was concerned with accuracy and efficiency in communication, if you're calling him obtuse for being wryly punctilious you might as well be calling him petty, which is what he is, but because he was nevertheless right he managed to turn "petty" into a laudable quality.
speehcrm1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less logical sense than the alternative, though.
Heavy_Weapons_Guy_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:02:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a big difference between a near miss (i.e. they were near and missed) and nearly missing (i.e. almost missed). Also I no longer know if miss is a word.
Olly0206 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 20:58:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe they meant "narrowly" missed.
Siphyre ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:10:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't help that in racing games they call it a "near miss"
Roboticide ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:00:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a very subtle difference between "a near miss" and "nearly missed".
Olly0206 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:56:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that probably adds to confusion to. But "near miss" and "nearly miss(ed)" aren't the same thing. When I hear people say "nearly missed" I figure they probably meant "narrowly." They sound similar enough in conversation it can be easy to misunderstand. Especially in the south where people slur words together a lot. I always figure its kind of like how people say "all timers" or "old timers" when they mean "Alzheimer's." I mean, I guess in context, "old timers" makes sense. When I was a kid I used to think that's what it was too.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still wouldn't it be a near hit?
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A near miss is something that missed near the object that was almost hit. A nearly miss is something that almost missed, meaning it did hit but was close to being a miss. Narrowly missed is the same as a near miss, the object missed hitting something but by a narrow margin.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what is a near hit?
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know that I've ever heard "near hit" in any context before but it'd be the same as a nearly miss. The object just barely hit the target. As in, any slight adjustment would have made it miss but it was just close enough to hit.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except for in dictionaries/wikipedia near miss means the same as near hit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near_miss_(safety)
But if you separate the words...
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/near
Near = nearly, just about, almost
so near miss = nearly miss = just about miss = almost miss
If you almost missed something than you hit it.
If you just about missed something than you hit it
If you nearly missed something than you hit it.
If it is a near miss it should mean that you hit it.
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never heard near miss and nearly miss used interchangeably. The context of which I've ever heard it used or seen, as someone else mentioned as used in video games, a near miss is missing by a near amount. Nearly missing is as we've agreed upon above.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But a synonym for near is nearly. So it is really just a product of culture. In fact I bet it will have something to do with how negative "near hit" would've sounded in safety/court cases.
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not exactly a synonym, I forget the word that describes what the relationship is between near and nearly but while they are similar in meaning they also have some differences in meaning. Such as near meaning in proximity, in physical closeness or numerically close, etc... where as nearly (while being similar in nature) is more of a general term such as "almost."
So nearly hitting something means "almost hit" where as a near hit is "close to hitting" but the implication is that it did not hit.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So wouldn't near miss be "close to missing"
Making a near miss not actually missing but being close too.
Olly0206 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I may have said that in a way that was misunderstood. Looking back on it now I can see how that it can be confusing. The way my brain was saying it at the time made perfect sense but now I can't make sense of it, haha.
As I've mentioned earlier, I've never heard of a "near hit" before so I'm only taking a stab at it based on assumed context but honestly I can't even think of any context where it would be used rather than saying near miss or nearly missed. It very well could be that it's not one of those situations where there is a positive and negative situations for each scenario so that each version has a mirrored context using different verbiage. As in, near miss, near hit, nearly missed, nearly hit.
English is freakin' weird man...
As far as I've ever heard in context:
Nearly miss = hit (almost missed, implying a hit)
Near miss = miss (missing by a small margin)
Nearly hit = miss (almost hit, implying a miss)
Near hit = I don't really know. Never heard it before. Near hit could be a miss (as in close to hitting) or could be a hit (as in hitting by a small margin).
As someone (maybe you? I've lost track) previously pointed out, the dictionary definition doesn't necessarily reflect these meanings but these are the contexts in which I've heard these phrases used. Someone else also pointed out how these fit the same understanding I have of them within context of the situation. So I know I'm not the only one who's understood these definitions of the phrases.
Siphyre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OSHA can't even agree on the terminology. Pretty sure it is confusing.
UniqueHash ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:40:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not hit her, Mark! That's a lie!
Thetri ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:54:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*throws water bottle on the ground*
Oh, hi Mark
DoomsdayRabbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are lion, I nevar hit you. You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
NarcolepticPhilsphr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvote for the best reference to the worst movie.
Morfolk ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:48:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently it comes from a naval warfare a 'near miss' - the cannon shot landed between you and an enemy, a 'far miss' - you overshot.
IwantaModel3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:15:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a difference between near miss and nearly missed.
rex1030 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he meant to say "narrowly missed the customer", suggesting it was a close miss. Butt wad do I know?
the_warmest_color ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea it's ok OP it's anonymous here
orange_jooze ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:00:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you trying to tell us you're dumb?
Tommy_C ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was not my intention, no.
patientbearr ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:34:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol she didn't even help clean up her penny apocalypse?
undercovergrover ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:23:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was training a girl ones as a server who just would not listen to me. At the time the bar was more of a dive bar than a corner bar and I tried to warn her about certain things. The simplest was put your drink down when you pour so you don't accidentally drop a glass hit somebody in the face with a glass or poor wrong. That made her throw Tantrums. But she learned her lesson when I warned her about a very scary guy who if you didn't know him you shouldn't talk to him and you definitely shouldn't throw your stripper act at him in front of his girlfriend. Lo and behold she got smart with him he reached across the bar and choked her a little bit she came back over all busted up but I found it hard to find sympathy after I warned her repeatedly not to do that he does a lot of Coke. Her beautiful but short tenure ended when she came in after a night of drinking with my boss and I and told us 10 minutes before she was supposed to start her shift that she wouldn't be able to and was laughing the whole time while she told us she was still high on ecstasy. I told my boss that was the last day for one of us and she could choose who.
HalfDragonShiro ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:55:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you work?
All of these people sound trashy.
undercovergrover ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:48:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No shit.
Convoluted_Camel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was a surprisingly interesting read.
undercovergrover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was diarrhea of the mouth lol.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:37:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The varying five shades of red being a signal she was preparing to teleport.
CGY-SS ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:07:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was just the way to do it? I'm a cashier and I've never had trouble with that at all. Don't try to snap it clean in half, just give it a firm smack so it cracks open and split it from there
ratbiker18 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:48:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you don't just hold one end and swing. You kind of palm the whole roll.
jeroplane ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:39:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Embarrassingly, I've done this.
We were having some beers on a Friday afternoon at work and no one could find a bottle opener. A couple of coworkers were trying to open a bottle with a spoon and I came over, grabbed it and said "I got this". I tried doing the trick where you use the edge of a table to pop the cap, but it just slipped out of my hands and smashed on the floor.
I wanted to die. Longest clean-up of my life.
Convoluted_Camel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:16:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even if you keep hold of the bottle a wooden edge is just as likely to have a bottle cap shaped chunk chiselled out of it.
jeroplane ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:17:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...I also learnt this that day.
DemDim1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean... it opened faster I guess
Boondock_Billy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to cup the roll of pennies in your hand long ways and smack your palm on the edge of the counter so the spillage goes into your hand
Con_sept ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:32:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They say laughter is the best medicine, but properly timed it can be lethal.
MusteredCourage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope she at least stayed to clean up
BobHogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah man I used to tear them open at my job too, but it took too long (for me, not the customer. I would just get tired off struggling with it). The trick to breaking it open is to just slam it hard enough to tear the paper, without ripping it open. Then you are free to twist it yourself and control where they go
adanceparty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at least I can tear open a roll of coins by hitting it on the drawer!
TheOrangeShyGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey love your username!
bdonvr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where I work touching someone elseโs till is a big no-no.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining this girl disappearing in a poof of smoke like a wizard
killerabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To her credit. She did do it faster.
V9868 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not really that hard? Believe I learned to smack Pennies at 10ish when I worked cashier at a gas station
No I didn't get paid no I'm not working there anymore
I wonder how many hours I clocked in working there for roughly 3-5 years they weren't shifts either it was 6-8am to 12-1am. Stock, fill cooler, mop, checks, etc.
Can say I'm pursing business learning entrepreneurship n taking marketing next year I'm a sophomore in HS.
theevilcubi ยท 667 points ยท Posted at 17:55:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah see thats the problem. Smacking it on the drawer has a much slower success rate then hitting it on the counter. The drawer shakes and the impact gets messed up. The counter doesn't move.
Boojaman ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 19:58:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg you guys you hit it on the rim between the pennies and nickels so when it breaks open the pennies go right in their spot.....break it right in the middle just like an egg I thought this was pretty obvious
Izzetmaster ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 21:07:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the way to do it. Who smacks coin rolls on the edge of their register? Grab a new roll, smack smack directly over/in between the chamber you want your coins to go into, coin roll busts, tilt hand left or right depending on which coins you opened, and it's done.
Boojaman ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:10:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a little disappointed in reddit today
ArgonGryphon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:19:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always get both thumbnails under the little edge thing and peel it open. Only works with those loomis rolls though, those brown crappy ones, I do the egg crack.
Izzetmaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:53:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a great way, too! I worked at a bank for a few months after I graduated college, and with no bins like cash registers I had to learn to get in there with the nails.
Cazberry ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:21:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in retail and never learned this, and your explanation just confused me. What is this magic?
Izzetmaster ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:51:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry there, let me clarify and make the steps easier to read. Now, this only works on the paper rolls! I know some stores use plastic ones now. For those you just need to squeeze them in a certain direction until the coins slide out. For the paper ones, here's what you wanna do:
Open your drawer, and grab the roll in whatever hand will be easiest for you to strike at a downwards angle at. Usually this is your dominant hand but some cash registers have weird setups.
Your cash drawer will have little cups or bins to hold the change in at the front of the drawer. There are usually 5 slots, one for each type of coin and another for whatever you want (usually $.50 and $1.00 coins).
The division between the bins is the part of the drawer we are aiming for. I usually grab the drawer with my free hand to prevent it from sliding back in on impact.
Now, obviously we are not trying to bust the drawer downward. It is still a fragile-ish machine and can break if you use real force. Just strike the roll of coins firmly onto the "thick" (thicker than the bins at least) section of plastic between the bins. The first strike usually does nothing, just use it to gauge how hard to swing it the second time.
Now SLAM IT HOME (with appropriate force). The first strike is a test, second strike splits the paper, and the third one WILL bust it open, I guarantee you.
If you did it right, the coins will not fly everywhere. The roll will fold where the paper busted, and you then tilt your hand to whichever side the coins need to go to. For instance, if I needed to open a roll of dimes, I would choose to break it open either on the section between the nickels and dimes OR the section between the dimes and quarters. Then, depending on which section I broke the dimes over, I would tilt my hand towards the bin for dimes. Half of the coins will fall out, the other half just lightly tap in the bin a few times or push out with your finger.
Done and done!
Pickled_Wizard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:04:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It seems like the best explaination of technique doesn't matter if you're just clumsy in general. I could probably do this, but 1 in 3 times would find some way to fuck it up.
Izzetmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, true true!
lagasan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:15:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, if you break your till, I'm writing you up. Hit that shit on the counter.
Izzetmaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:42:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked as a cashier for 7 years at Kroger, never did it any other way, never broke a drawer. If you break it doing it like this, you're using way too much force. It's extremely easy to gauge whether or not you will damage your drawer.
lagasan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It seems to be the way most people do it. I have had two different employees break a till though. Too much gusto, I guess.
Izzetmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:52:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's crazy! Sometimes you just gotta GET INTO IT!!11!1! Lmao.
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:20:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
levilee207 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:32:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I figured that out my first day of retail. All you do is stretch your index finger vertically across the roll, crack it on the thin plastic(?) rim that separates the bills and coins, and spill em into the proper spot
tony_lo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:31:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I worked in the bank I used the counter, it was easier that way because we had coin trays and not just buckets. Use the counter to split the roll in half and push on the closed end, coins come out nice and neat and ready to buy put in the tray
PseudonymIncognito ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:03:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you hold the roll vertically in your hand (one end at the base of your palm and the other end with the tip of your middle finger) and just smack it once into the corner of the counter, if any change spills out (which it won't), it just goes right into the palm of your hand.
RaidMeBaby ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do it this way too. I thought everyone did
Boojaman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:34:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? It's first day shit
forevercupcake180 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I do this the slot dividers move out of place and are impossible to click back in. Bonus, I also get to sort change after because the pennies and nickles are now mixed!
Boojaman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well you can control where the pennies and up crack it in half and pour them in the correct spot
letsgetrandy ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:11:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, smacking it on the drawer damages the register.
King_Of_Regret ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:06:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our register is 25 years old. The dents from this are incredible,,
Captain_Gainzwhey ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:41:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once smacked it on the drawer and broke the drawer.
So I also recommend the counter. Do it like you're cracking an egg.
DirtyGhettoOmelette ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 19:46:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy cashiers
NosyargKcid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:24:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not only that but our cashiers have broken our register drawers smacking rolls of coins on them so we've told them do it on the counter instead. Plus cleanup is easier if something goes wrong.
IShouldDoSomeWork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just hit it on the corner of the metal box the drawer is in. Not hard to hit it enough to break it without sending change flying.
MacGuyverism ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smacking it on the separators works great, but it break them over time.
dragn99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it breaks open on the drawer, your change will at least still be in there. You might just have to move some coins around next time there's a lull in the customers. If it breaks open on the counter, you have to scramble to try and find all the coins.
Lord_Rapunzel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:25:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I just have giant hands but every time I break a roll of coins on the counter none go flying. A couple will be loose in my hand and the rest will still be neatly in either half of the roll.
QuantumPolagnus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but the point is to hit it just hard enough to break the edge, at which point you can tear it open the rest of the way. It's better to hit it not hard enough than too hard.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have probably broken open 100 rolls of change and never had any fly anywhere. Are you guys going full Hulk on the change? Just have to give it a light tap on one of the thin dividers INSIDE the change drawer and it'll split open softly.
mrofmist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just use your coworker. They will move at first but eventually once they're on the ground the movement will stop.
luckyducklinggg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg. I misread counter as customer.
HunterTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always positioned the roll so that one end was at the ends of my fingers and the over braced against the base of my palm, so if I overdid it with force the roll bent into my palm, thus stopping the inevitable spray of coins. Then I just cracked it against the counter in the middle and finished splitting it open over the tray. It's been awhile since I've worked in retail but the coins wrapped in plastic by the bank we're usually the easiest to deal with this way because the plastic didn't split like crazy the way a paper wrapped roll can, but it's not the hardest thing to get the hang of imho. Dealing with the fucking customers was far more patience-straining.
ishook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just smack the roll on the edge of the stage, but the dancers hate that.
Forgotten_Shoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
put your knee under the drawer and it won't shake.
Beachinbeauty ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 18:20:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao! I just started working retail a few months ago and the first time I came on a roll of pennies I thought I was gonna be able to break it open like I've seen cashiers do. I banged it on the side of the drawer, then tried to do a karate kinda thing with my hand. Nothing. Eventually my embarrassment got the better of me and I peeled the paper back like a regular person .
DirtyGhettoOmelette ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:47:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should stop cumming on rolls of pennies.
Beachinbeauty ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:50:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weeeeehehelll, excuse me for getting horny at the cash register! The dad was hot! What else do you expect me to do? Cum on my finger in the bathroom like a regular person?
BrainWrex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
roll of pennies should suffice
BrainWrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
came to say that, thanks for "beating" me to it
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:00:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Beachinbeauty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are so impossible! If I take the pennies out before I cum on them, how am I supposed to actually get them in my vagina? I mean, duh!
Siphyre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:11:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I grab it in my hand like a pipe and palm it into a corner. It usually works the first time and because I'm holding all the coins they dont go flying.
chrispar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You came on a roll of pennies?
Beachinbeauty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're late to the game! ๐
letsgetrandy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:12:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to add that smacking coins against the register drawer damages it. Use the counter.
sfw3015 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:38:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have mentioned this in a couple places. You the guy who has to fix the POS after it breaks?
letsgetrandy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:39:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, I was the newly hired guy who got stuck with a cash register that sometimes wouldn't open and other times wouldn't close.
DoomsdayRabbit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a POS, it's already broken.
Dyvius ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:33:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You basically would crack open a roll of coins the same way you'd crack open an egg. Too hard and you've sent the contents everywhere. Too soft and nothing happens. Just right, and with the proper holding technique, and you've gotten what you set out to get.
Runs_from_eggs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:34:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
as a veteran cashier, this is the best way. i tell people to open it like you crack an egg. or at least how i imagine you would. damned egg allergy
Errohneos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna comment this, but you said it perfectly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also if you have your hand over the part that is going to split, the worst is the coins splash into your hand. Worked at McyDs for 7 years and never had an issue doing it that way.
abarrelofmankeys ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:36:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty easy honestly. Hold with thumb and pinky for stability. Wrap other fingers around. Smack middle off sharp stable edge, close hand around it as it folds. Always do it this way and have dropped maybe 2 coins ever.
And someone explained this already. Oh well.
dI--__--Ib ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:50:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick to this is to hold the roll by its ends between your thumb and ring finger, with your other fingers curved around for stability. Then you hit the middle of the roll against the edge of something. Also the smaller the denomination the harder it is to do.
EsbenT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:06:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's how I did it when I worked at Rema 1000 a decade ago: Pinch both ends, one with your thumb and one with your forefinger. Make a small tear on the flap out by both ends. Pull the entire flap, tearing as you go, while maintaining a firm grip with yout thumb and forefinger. Suddenly you're clutching a liberated stack of coins, and all you need to do is to gently drop them into the tray.
hewgin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:18:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put the roll of coins in your hand with one end towards your wrist and the other on your fingers, then smack the roll on the underside edge of the counter, you have more control that way. Any coins that pop out of the roll just fall into your palm rather than fly all over the place.
BrainWrex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:01:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO, I used to be a cashier back in the day. Just a gentle crack in the middle is all it takes. If it makes you feel any better, I did the same thing first time i tried that. It gets easier
NutStomp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:13:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you hold both ends and smack it against the corner of the counter, it will split in the middle, and then you pull it apart like cracking an egg into a pan - and the coins spill out.
710isthenew420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Hold roll in hand between pointer and pinky 2) Slam palm against some sturdy edge (not an open change drawer 3) Prophet
evilheartemote ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is possible to open those roll things (I'm assuming the paper ones) that way, but you need to hold it at both ends so it doesn't just go flying everywhere.
GreatCheesyTaste ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just crack it like an egg!
Jaycoub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to hold the pennies inside the roll firmly with your index, middle, and ring finger, and hold the ends with your thumb and pinky. Hit it on an edge between your middle and ring finger.
I didn't know this was a thing people had trouble with.
Hail-and-well-met ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:39:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You crack it like an egg, just to break the paper. Then you can peel it!
sealedinterface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked as a cashier once; everyone opens it that way since it's much faster. Tear it open and it takes forever and leaves little paper scraps. Hit it with just the right force and it cracks open and the coins slide out and you can easily toss the wrapper without sifting through carnage. Definitely takes a few tries to get it right though.
Kimi_a ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I smash the pennies on the counter to open them. One day I was in a rush and my finger was between the pennies and the counter, slammed it harder than usual and busted my finger. I still open it that way.
Kambz22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just got to practice when no one's around
By my last year of retail and I was popping rolls in style.
dayoldhansolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to hold both sides to smack it and then use the tear that it created by smacking it to crack it open.
princess_awesomepony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember breaking penny rolls before! It was the most satisfying feeling.
dead-head-chemistry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was me ><
Bradytyler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to do it like you'd crack an egg. And aim so it's right in the middle. I also do it on the little separators that keep the change away from each so if it does explode it just goes in the drawer
MrSurvivorX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at mcdonalds parttime. I do it all the time, the trick is for the pennies to be very very stuffed into the roll, so you smash it on the MIDDLE and you end up with just a tiny tear that you can pull off.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I personally find it just as fast to rip it in one motion and i dont embarass myself
nobodywon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's kinda like cracking an egg... only you get to hit it harder and you have to have a tighter grip... I think. I do it all the time, but, it's just kinda instinctive to me. I don't remember ever having actually thought about it. I just do it. And if you do mess it up a few times, at least it's not as gross as cleaning up egg.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read penises instead of pennies.
Needless to say... it did not make sense
patrickmanning1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the "somebody" is you? You saw yourself do this?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just gotta give it a light tap, and try to go for the middle. It makes it harder for pennies to go flying. Then you can tear it easier.
Also if you're using a coin changer, put the roll in with the paper on, and the seam out. Pull the seam it'll unroll itself, leaving the stack of coins in the changer.
Anomalous-Entity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to replicate that, too.
First hit the roll only bent.
Next hit knocked over the cabinet the drawer was in.
Black_Gold_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to hold in your hand with both ends covered and then crack it like an egg.
NosyargKcid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crack it like an egg instead of whacking it hard.
Etherius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've only ever cracked them open... Every now and then I'll make them explode, but better to clean up nickels and pennies once in a blue moon than fuck with the wrappers
Yaslan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just learned how to do that! You crack it like you would an egg! (I am way too happy about this...)
dangerstar19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always held it with my index finger spread away from my middle finger and smacked the counter between those two fingers. The roll breaks open and since you're holding both sides they don't go everywhere.
Djbrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just found another skill to add to my resume I guess. Never would imagine blowing a roll up...
Hardcore90skid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So glad my country did away with pennies. #superiority
TVA_Titan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I've opened rolls by smacking it against the drawer! Am I cool and didn't even know it??
finallyinfinite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually open them that way as it's easiest for me, but I one time exploded $10 of quarters everywhere and had to find them all in dusty grimey corners that never get cleaned
mrstevemrsteve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit it against the counter instead! :)
ProjectShadow316 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that's easy. Just cup it in your hand lengthwise ( bottom of your palm to your fingers ), and slam it either on the corner of a counter or on a divider in the till.
You can thank me later.
mahdyie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone calls me weird because I always peel the penny rolls. ... But the pennies get stuck that way!
bumblebeetuna35 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the secret to this that no one ever told you:
Use a hard edge of a counter or table nearby to "smack" open the roll.
Don't use a rounded edge, or the cash register drawer.
the_warmest_color ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At that point I would have just sighed and said, "sorry I guess we're out of pennies"
Kintuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to learn this working as a cashier, eventually I learned to do it with one hand in the same way one would crack and split open an egg.
Ppleater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The secret is to hit it hard enough to split it and then squeeze it open. Don't just wail on it. It's like cracking an egg, except the opening is on the opposite side from the table. You can start with lighter taps and work your way up as practice.
ZephyrB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't just hold it by one end and smash it as hard as possible. You hold it pretty much in your whole hand leaving a space between middle finger and ring finger. Then you tap it against a corner, starting off soft so it doesn't just scatter all over the place, and you build up force until a crack in the paper appears, then you just crack it open carefully.
After a while you get the hang of it and you know how much force you can apply. It saves a lot of time when you've got a giant queue during rush hour and run out of whatever coins you desperately need.
Also, practice this when you don't have that pressure :p
MacIsOnFleek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold the roll of coins like and egg, so that the back is braced, then smash it against a hard, stable corner quickly and the back will break open into your hand.
Source: worked third shift at a Kwik Trip
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got it down to only taking one smack against the drawer. I've never had it fly everywhere and it impresses people because most people have to smack it like 3-10 times (but I probably just jinxed it, thanks Reddit). It also pains me to see people struggle open any plastic bag. When I explain it's as simple as rubbing your two fingers together, they look dumbfounded. Or they'll open it from the closed end. Like what the fuck? Are that many people illiterate or do a ton of people just want me to do it for them? It's the small menial things that make me lose faith in humanity. It's not open-heart surgery, it's a plastic bag.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not supposed to smack it to open it.
Hit the roll right in the center. The mass of the coins up top will tear the paper slightly, allowing you to twist everything out.
LibrarianLibertarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried showing of to a friend by blowing an egg out of a shell but the egg was still to liquid inside and I blew the entire load on my ladyfriend. She was impressed.
Nietzschemouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to sort of palm the roll so or can't spray. The center of the roll should be in the center of your palm. Then you're just high fiving the corner of the counter. The roll should break in half and the coins pour out
malbane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like cracking an egg
ShaidarHaran2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta kind of hold it in two halves already, pointer and middle finger, pinky and ring finger, with a split in the middle. Hit the opposite end of that gap on the counter. It was pretty handy working cash.
IncestOnly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Form a cup with your hand around the roll, so when you smash the roll, they don't fly everywhere.
GODDANMIT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didnโt you practice one time first. I would never go Main Event like that.
Baron_Duckstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's really weird to me that you guys still use pennies. Totally useless currency haha
madkingaerys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't hulk smash it on the drawer, be gentle and lovingly smack it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you smack it you have to turn it upside down because the tear forms on the top. Took me a little while to get the hang of it but I got it. Also donโt smack it super hard just hard enough to tear it
SubtleMockery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, you can't handle the ol' smack n' split?
ElementalFiend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Palm it and cover the ends to keep the change secure, then hit the center of the stack on the edge of the drawer, just like cracking an egg.
BillyCheese3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of the funniest comments I've seen on Reddit
Unfa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold the roll in the palm of your hand like an egg when you crack it. There's no science to this.
I too have redecorated a floor with coins on occasion.
Yerboogieman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I push one end with my thumb and break it open that way. This may not be plausible for some people though.
Citizen01123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pennies are easy. Nowadays they're usually wrapped more like meat from the butchers than with those tight coils. The key to breaking tight coils is to hold the roll in your palm and hit just hard enough to rip the paper in the middle. Retail/cash office pro here for you. Ask me anything.
El_Chairman_Dennis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Treat it like an egg. Hitting too soft isnโt a big deal but hitting too hard just causes problems. Hit with an escalating amount of force until it breaks, pretty soon youโll learn how much it takes to break it
Ragnarotico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You only hit it to break the paper. Still gotta unwrap it yourself!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a cashier I would just snap the rolls of coins in half. Looks cool and doesn't make a mess.
PsychologicallyFat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Standard rule of flair - never try it with an audience unless you've practiced it before and have a reasonable success rate in practice.
Soundtravels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The white paper is smackable... The brown paper is very iffy.
jackster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that before, its how I normally break a roll, but sometimes I do it wrong and have to pick a bunch of pennies up while customers laugh at me.
queefin_it_real ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone mentioned, you wanna smack it on the counter (which is hopefully over the cash drawer). Cup your hand right over the roll positioned vertically. The cup shape will keep them from flying everywhere if you lose control. Worst case scenario, the coins end up in the wrong coin dish.
Ghede ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The key with opening it on the counter is you are only tapping it to tear the wrapper, not open it completely. Think cracking an egg. Tap tap, paper cracked, time to open. You can then pour your roll of pennies into the pan at medium/low heat. If your pan isn't non-stick, you will want to grease it first, pennies are notorious for sticking to the pan and burning.
rahyveshachr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha I did this when I worked at McD's! It worked the first few times but one fateful day I stood there like an idiot bashing a roll of coin on the till drawer before a manager kindly told me that we break the rolls on the counter.
Jikiru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf is a roll of pennies? Do you people like wrap your coins in glad wrap or something?
hypotheticalhawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They come from the bank in rolls of a predetermined amount. So a roll of pennies should always be 50ยข. In the US, they're usually paper rolls, but sometimes plastic is used.
Evangelynn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold it firm between your middle finger and palm, lengthwise. Try to smack it dead center, and it will open cradled in your hand.
bthirsty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do it on the side of the tray on the inside of the drawer.
cornflakegrl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg every cashier has to have done that at some point right? I know I totally did. Pennies everywhere... well that was not how that was supposed to go.
Mdmary123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw it's not that difficult! You jusr have to hit it just right. I give it a firm tap on the counter in one spot just enough to crack the paper on the roll.
mjw09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As teller of 10 plus years my mom can hold a roll of coins and tell if it is safe or not. She can also count and add change by the sound it makes as it hits the floor. I have tested her with these many times.
TheSchnozzberry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I scattered coins before, but I learned how to crack the roll. Gotta hold it like an egg with your hand on either side of the point of impact.
helpifell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like cracking an egg
BaghdadAssUp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stopped a kid from doing this... pretty glad that didn't happen the way yours did.
mycompany ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh you want some change? Here's your FUCKING CHANGE SMACK (pennies fly all over the floor). sigh....
b-cola ยท 13124 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was doing a job interview in high school. The interview was going well and The lady asked me โhow important is hygiene to you?โ. During this moment I forgot what hygiene meant and shouldโve asked. Instead I tried to act relaxed and said โIโm coolโ โdoesnโt bother meโ.
I didnโt get the job.
EDIT the job was for a CD store in a small town I grew up in. When my dad picked me up from the mall I asked him what it meant again and told him the story, he laughed and told me, โyouโre not getting the jobโ before reminding me of the meaning. I was freshly showered. Just an awkward teenager.
A week later I got my first job at A&W.
applepearbanana2 ยท 11303 points ยท Posted at 18:39:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, I don't think saying "what's hygiene?" Would have helped your chances much either
IDUnavailable ยท 15656 points ยท Posted at 21:04:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How important is hygiene to you?"
"Never heard of it."
snorlz ยท 3064 points ยท Posted at 21:44:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
" my names not gene but thanks for asking"
Shloppins ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 22:33:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How often do we need to say hi to gene like wtf happens at this place"
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 01:13:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"it's probably the boss' kid or something, just roll with it"
BeaversandDucks2015 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:33:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean nepotism runs in the genes? I will never say hi to another gene I swear.
flatterygetsunowhere ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:35:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason this keeps making me giggle, thank you
maseuz_33 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:50:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โas you can see iโm an emojiโ
baconpizza7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:58:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't remind me of that mess
TheRealHenryG ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:09:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BE GONE THOT
righty_76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol i should use if someone ever asks me that
Slivius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eugene?
Skorne13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:29:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, me David
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer my genes pretty high myself.
MoeX_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for making me look like a fool in the office!
Uncle-Chuckles ยท 186 points ยท Posted at 21:24:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's an Aleppo?
DeusExMangina ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:47:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A brand of delicious dog food?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:50:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snail-Po
FirstDitchEffort13 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:42:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aleppo? Uh, yeah I'm behind Aleppo 100%...good stuff. ๐
Justadabwilldo ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 22:46:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We make fun of him but honestly do you think Gary Johnson would have been worse than our current president?
foxymcfox ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 22:50:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We'd at least have someone who asks for clarification on things he doesn't know, rather than blindly asserting his opinion without knowing ANYTHING. (And never asks questions because he doesn't ACTUALLY want to understand things better)
Justadabwilldo ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:53:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. I never understood why being arrogantly wrong is better than humility in our politicians.
overlordpotatoe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:50:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually knowing shit is the preferable option.
Justadabwilldo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well obviously. But her emails!
BBQ_HaX0r ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:09:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Still proud of casting my vote for him. I know I know, I'm to blame for Trump and I wasted my vote and I'm literally the devil.
Bizoza9 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:44:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And still a better candidate than either two front runners.
GozerDGozerian ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:42:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that lady with all the experience who understands the complexities of the American government and international politics would've been just as stupid as the others.
Julian_rc ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:47:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Emperor Palpatine also had tons of experience and understood the complexities of the Galatic Counsil and interplantary politics.
BoJackB26354 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:43:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank really knew how to Sheev.
GozerDGozerian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what way is HRC more like Palpatine than Trump? If you're really worried about someone becoming Emperor Palpatine, it seems like in the current situation we have someone instigating conflict to move from democracy to dictatorship. I don't think your metaphor is very sound here.
Julian_rc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 100% making a joke which you seemed to miss the point of. It was to say that experience doesn't mean someone is a good leader. It had nothing to do with Trump vs Hillary or comparing them in any way. I hate them both.
But don't waste your time trying to argue with me. I have no sway over any presidential candidates or election and I don't hold any political sway. I will not have any effect on anything political in the future so it would be a severe waste of your time trying to argue with me as even if you convince it will have no impact on the future of our country.
GozerDGozerian ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:55:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a US citizen?
yumyum36 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:46:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean her dirty laundry was out in the wind so to speak, and people close to her rigged the primaries to an extent.
GozerDGozerian ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 23:50:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah I forgot about those horrible horrible emails and the child fucking pizza shop. Why wasn't she just out there grabbing some pussy and absolutely unable to describe one of her policies the whole duration of the campaign? They were just as bad as one another.
meme_forcer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:59:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's important to remember there were good candidates on both sides people /s
Bizoza9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:06:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whataboutism?
givemealil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:28:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
> understands the complexities of the American government and international politics
> tells people she's going to put a lot of coal miners out of business
lol. As moronic as Trump is, Clinton lost herself the election, make no mistake. Even with foreign interference, she should've won by a landslide, but she and her friends were too arrogant and did things like hire DWS, and thought there would be no consequences.
GozerDGozerian ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:10:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes. She didn't straight up lie to coal workers' faces. What a despicable person. The DWS I completely agree with. I'm certainly not saying she didn't make mistakes campaigning. I just think it's funny when people say they were both bad candidates. It's not a shit sandwich and a giant turd. It's a wheat grass-carrot-beet smoothie versus a bag of hot diarrhea.
givemealil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough. Your imagery made me gag lol
GozerDGozerian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for the gross out. But that's about where I stand with what's happening.
Honestly, I think Trump was seen as so bad and so ridiculous that she got sloppy and overconfident.
Shit. After the pussy grabbing bomb, even my Republican supporting, Fox watching, Hillary hating family and friends thought that was the nail in the coffin.
Aside from all the Russian fuckery, the main thing that happened was that she, her campaign, and damn near everyone who voted for her (or didn't) wasn't so much that they underestimated Trump, it was this: They overestimated the average American.
And I'm constantly, everyday, shocked at how many people I see still walking around in those red hats or even still supporting him. As I'm sure she and many others are too.
This is a sad and dangerous time in our democracy.
TheSoonerfan444 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:46:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lady who offered the VP to the man who was beating her in 2008 yea
ilovemallory ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:48:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
have your eyebrows grown in yet, Gary?
pocket_mulch ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:36:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:28:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"i personally think you should say hello to everyone regardless of whether they have a shit name like Gene or not... "
BradC ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:10:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, so we'll put you in the IT department then. Welcome aboard!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:52:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is a potato?
octopoddle ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:59:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Well, that's lucky, because this is a CD store, where hygiene just really doesn't matter a fuck, anyway."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:48:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't remember the last movie rental/CD store where the cashier looked hygienic.
CaptnMorgan69 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:30:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laughed aloud, well played
callummr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never heard of a hygiene, looks pretty good.
clearkryptonite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:13:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hygiene? Never met her.
Bacon_Bitz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like Fry from Futurama.
Slimsybubbles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just made my day, good sir.
flubba86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's my favourite actor of course. I've seen all of those movies that he is in. You could say I'm a big fan.
ShakaRock91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me: Really?
IDU: I was recruited by a man name tyranus from the moon of bogden
lavendermacarons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally LOL. Thanks for the laugh man!
KongRidesTheBomb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'What's a novel?'
GrapeApee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are they the ones the sing Smells Like Teen Spirit?
AndyM314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Who's Gene? And why is he high?"
AndyM314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Who's Gene? And why is he high?"
Lost-My-Mind- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How important is hygiene to you?"
"No no, my name is Rob! But I'll say hello to Gene if I see him."
thaswhaimtalkinbout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โHygieneโs not part of my vocabulary.โ
VagabondingCanada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey whatever drugs he does on his own time is his business, as long as he's a good coworker I'm cool."
Raspberries-Are-Evil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I mean, I like her music and all but she's isnt that important in my life..."
focusyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
absolutely perfect.
TankMovie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg I'm church laughing at this in bed trying not to wake my wife.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laying in bed laughing uncontrollably now because of this, damn you!
Rednartso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My only regret is that I only have one upvote to give.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for giving me a good laugh! ^_^
Dameleon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:44 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmaooo
lbeefus ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 22:22:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: "Can you clarify?" is a great way to get out of questions you don't want to reveal that you don't understand. Or to get yourself in deeper. :)
bcrabill ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:28:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good point. Plus that's a weird ass question. Presumably you didn't show up looking like/smelling like shit to a job interview.
omgughicanteven ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:08:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I've never heard of potatoes before!"
Michelin123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:46:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who's Eugene?
Brolonious ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:17:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If they had said something like "How do you mean in terms of this job?" The interviewer could have explained the company's expectations.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:51:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the fact that the question was asked in the first place didn't help their chances.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:43:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta say, I've never been asked if 'hygiene was important to me' at a job interview. Kinda weird.
danceycat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It probably would've come across as a joke. Maybe would've helped?
spectrumero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's how I greet my best friend, Gene.
JetAirliner1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty crazy question in a job interview, if you ask me...
Tonikupe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!!
Boatsmhoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hygiene is a greeting you say to giene
Man-City ยท 4446 points ยท Posted at 18:45:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Generally, 'in what context' is a good way to get more information while still sounding smart.
mc_kitfox ยท 2476 points ยท Posted at 19:03:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
..in what context?
Man-City ยท 1742 points ยท Posted at 19:07:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what context would you like more context?
mc_kitfox ยท 3967 points ยท Posted at 19:15:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm cool, doesnโt bother me.
Guses ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 20:11:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound smart.
famalamo ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 20:45:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what context?
Guses ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 20:58:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the group of conditions that exist where and when something happens.
xX420_WeedMan_420Xx ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:10:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wat
famalamo ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:51:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever seen something so abstracted from the original point that it's just nonsense?
xorcon1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what context?
xX420_WeedMan_420Xx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wat
famalamo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly
xX420_WeedMan_420Xx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wat
BullshitSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what context?
Pizzahdawg ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:09:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are hired!
ToxicDragon200 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:45:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, i do watch rick and morty.
Guses ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 20:56:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Intelligence intensifies
xX420_WeedMan_420Xx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:35:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
smoomoo31 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:55:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy Fuck, I'm sitting in Chipotle barely able to contain my laughter because of this and the related hygiene comments. Everyone is staring
lacheur42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:17:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WTF, this guy doesn't shower.
MissFordhamRoad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg
Soup44 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:28:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
META
E
T
A
sharkbaitxc ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:43:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A E T A
Zelcron ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:42:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A job interview.
Shendare ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:20:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you concur?
KJ6BWB ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:56:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of them, all hygiene situations.
benigntugboat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any context
jeie838hj83gk0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Workplace and all . Self , coworkers, customers, etc." "Well... I'm cool. Doesn't bother me." Same result.
pragmatics_only ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 22:38:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like you'll get hit with "just in general" a majority of the time.
mfb- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:27:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still gives you more time to think about it.
GUACKET_SCIENCE ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 20:09:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you believe hand washing after using the bathroom is important?
In what context?
ProfessorLX ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:57:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if you were using the bathroom to wash your hands?
little-lion-sam ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:17:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How do you feel about murder?"
quavex ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:54:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but honestly that wouldn't sound any better. There really is no way to figure out what hygiene is in that situation and have it come off well.
waltjrimmer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:35:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Do you clean daily."
"In what context?"
"In... Uhhh... In your shower?"
"No, I only clean in there about once a month."
duluoz1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:04:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or if you want to look like a pedant, say "define hygiene".
chainmailtank ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the response of a guy who rubs magazine fragrance samples under his arms as his only nod to hygiene, right before getting in your car for a road trip
duluoz1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:00:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's oddly specific, but probably accurate.
lowhopes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:33:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/lifeprotips
NewScooter1234 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:58:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't know what hygiene meant, what makes you think he knew what context was?
mfb- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The given context might include washing/showering/whatever.
NewScooter1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:59:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean he wouldn't know the word context, as in he couldn't ask for context in the first place.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Generally but not in this context.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:04:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How important is hygiene to you?" - "In what context?" "The context of living." !a asada.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be an ecumenical matter.
DigbyChickenZone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:14:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously though, if he did say that it would seem like he's implying it's the customer's bad hygiene that he is assuming she is asking about. Smooth.
AnticitizenPrime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:16:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Could you be more specific?'
StaySwoleMrshmllwMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โIs hygiene important to you?โ
strokes chin โIn what context?โ
:/
berniemax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you can say 'can you use it in a sentence?'
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you mind washing my armpits as part of your duties here?
CabbagePastrami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of them.
Strider794 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a good LPT
lotsofsyrup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i think the context here would be the context of a job. in which case the interviewer would think he's fucking retarded for asking.
Heruuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Are you available weekends?"
"In what context?"
Great, now they think I'll be hungover and/or not giving a fuck.
annotatemedaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think u just revolutionized my life
ASKABOUTMYORCHESTRA ยท 1648 points ยท Posted at 19:08:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a really weird question for a job interview...
Evertonian3 ยท 490 points ยท Posted at 19:50:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'm assuming OP was smelling the best during that interview
[deleted] ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 20:51:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was or wasn't?
Evertonian3 ยท 170 points ยท Posted at 21:01:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i meant wasn't idk why i forgot the most important part of my sentence
[deleted] ยท 157 points ยท Posted at 21:11:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were the most important part of your sentence.
Evertonian3 ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 21:23:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:). have a great Thursday!
Chargin_Chuck ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 21:44:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you too!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:51:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me too?
Flare_I_am ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:13:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too!
jakeperalta11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me too?
Lukeyy19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You betcha!
Teffus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks
Deto ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:59:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/PM_YOUR_BOOBIES_ will charm the shirt right off you :P
AMasonJar ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:36:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No such thing
Pikadex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:39:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took it as a sarcastic comment, so I'd say it still worked out!
rattingtons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if this is how "couldn't care less" turned into "could care less", except the first person to make the typo was too awkward to admit it and doubled down instead and spent the rest of their life telling people that.
D_Man10579 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or no where near it
darkspy13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In another reply he says that he was freshly showered
b-cola ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:13:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah I smelt pretty good! Italian shower ;)
LuluLamoreaux ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:36:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh so maybe she was asking if you would be open to toning down the cologne
Boofthatshitnigga ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do Italian showers involve spaghetti
LordKnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No
Boofthatshitnigga ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:22:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well thatโs not very fun
Jiktten ยท 118 points ยท Posted at 20:44:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not for a job looking to hire high schoolers, believe me.
Jinnofthelamp ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 00:37:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably just after they fired stinky Pete
thesimplemachine ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 23:44:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever had a coworker with bad hygiene? It only takes one really stinky employee to become a relevant issue.
HMCetc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:29:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I imagine they had issues in the past so in order to avoid it ever again it's part of the interview process.
redditor1983 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 00:34:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I'm guessing you never worked retail?
We had SERIOUS problem with employees coming in smelling awful when I worked retail. I'm talking about a foul, gut wrenching, stench you could smell from 15 feet away. I promise you I'm not exaggerating.
Now you might think "oh man, maybe that person is homeless and they have no way to clean themselves." Nope.
I knew one of these people outside of work. Outside of work he was fine. We determined that the problem was he NEVER washed his uniform. That is, he had one pair of pants and one shirt and literally refused to wash them for over a year.
jim_br ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:05:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh....I wished I asked that question of a new hire years ago. Fired him after a week because HR said I could do it for no reason.
He absolutely reeked like fermented sauerkraut topped with Arizona roadkill.
CanadianJesus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:53:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sauerkraut is by definition fermented.
BreezyWrigley ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 21:16:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i dunno. not really. if it's a job for a high school kid, it was probably in food service or something where it's important that you are relatively clean.
then again, based on most of the fast food workers I've seen when I'm in those establishments, the employers don't tend to care too much...
b-cola ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:14:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a CD store, back when cdโs could sustain an entire store!
bottom-of-the-barrel ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:01:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had a strange one too. At a pizza place the owner asked me to name 5 things you can do with a pencil other than writing and erasing. Other than using it as a drumstick the owner gave me 2 things
1) putting them in a cup (not really anything you can do)
2) put your hair up if you're a girl (I'm a guy)
fecksprinkles ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:13:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wind on a cassette tape after it gets all loose.
Use it as a splint for a tiny broken leg.
Stir paint.
Stake a halfling vampire.
bottom-of-the-barrel ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:14:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine being put on the spot for a job ๐
fecksprinkles ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:34:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, I definitely agree that would be hell. It took me like 10 minutes to think of those four.
bottom-of-the-barrel ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:39:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh ๐ yeah i feel ya! The one that really frustrated me was the hair one. I'm a guy so how would I know a pencil can hold your hair?! ๐
Vapo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:40:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol แ( แ )แ
paulwhite959 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stab annoying customers.
u38cg2 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:11:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All weird job interview questions are information about previous employees.
carsncode ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Possibly someone they fired that you're now interviewing to back fill.
lvl42spaz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:08:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT ABOUT YOUR ORCHESTRA?
Edit: I scrolled through your comment history. That sounds super cool.
You can still answer though, in case I burst your bubble. :(
ASKABOUTMYORCHESTRA ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:25:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for asking! I'm the director of Metamorphestra, an orchestra that does covers of popular music. You can subscribe to /r/metamorphestra for updates as we post new music.
learnedsanity ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:50:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For retail its a pretty good question. A smelly person is an annoyance for other workers.
takelongramen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:51:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what context?
welcome2urtape ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:09:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. If youโre working closely with other people itโs important to have good hygiene, and some teenagers arenโt very good at it still at that point.
Captain_Gainzwhey ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:18:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not for food service probably
_agent_perk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:19:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm guessing it was meant in the context of cooking or food or something, but it would've been much less weird to say "how important is cleanliness to you" or something like that
Undeadicated ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:57:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's possible they had to let somebody go before him because they smelled all the time
BBQ_HaX0r ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:11:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it was like that Step Brother's scene where Seth Rogen just wants to hire a worker who is fun to hang out with and hygiene is important. And then OP goes and does the equivalent of farting.
bleedingfingaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:28:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not when you're hiring a teenage boy.
ASKABOUTMYORCHESTRA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:42:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, you wouldn't by chance have anything to do with Bleeding Fingers recording studios in Santa Monica?
bleedingfingaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:25 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nerp
scorchclaw ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:59:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean context of the job might help. If it's like a job where they're in direct contact with people like a nurse or something that'd be important
emthejedichic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, not if the job involves food. They'd want someone who at least washed their hands regularly.
SomeGuy147 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not really if the interviewee was young and didn't have previous work experience related to customer service.
ComputerGeek516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever had a rather offensive smelling store clerk or coworker? If you can avoid it you probably will.
LilPad93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not necessarily, especially when maybe they just let go of a stinky kid
mecrosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not with teenagers. Fuckers either have bo like a motherfucker, or so much cologne you can taste it twenty minutes after they leave.
rhymes_with_snoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Having conducted job interviews for a fast food chain... no it isn't.
Source: was store manager of a Dairy Queen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in a record store for a bit and while I don't remember being asked that in the interview, it was in the handbook that everyone had to come to work showered and wearing deodorant. I guess music stores are notorious for smelly employees or something?
NettleFrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not for teenage boys.
veryshnail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe theyve had really smelly employees
thenod83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh not necessarily if you're hiring teens
nathreed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not really for a minimum wage job thatโs hiring teenagers. Anyone with a pulse will do, so they might as well make sure youโre clean too.
insomniac20k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a minimum wage job. Probably replacing someone who smelled bad
Attila_22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably important if you're doing sales though...
Fiocoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes and no.
I work in a restaurant and my boss tells everyone that hygiene is part of the uniform. I imagine it would be the same for any retail or service related job.
jinantonyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work in a tech support call center, and it is a totally valid question. The managers and supervisors had to have more than one conversation with employees about the importance of showers, clean clothing, and regular use of deodorant.
After our team got that talk from a supervisor once, a guy said, "Well, but what if it's laundry day, and you only have one clean shirt, and you lay it out on the bed before you get in the shower, and while you're in the shower, your roommate's cat pees on it? You don't have any other clean shirts and you can't miss work, you can't even be late because you're on your final warning and you'll get fired if you're late again?"
Dude, that was....specific. That's not a hypothetical situation. That's something you have used, probably multiple times, as an excuse as to why you stink like a litter box.
ZIMM26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like she/he was being Weinsteined
kreepin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe he was applying to be a janitor?
thr33m0jo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:29:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not if you are working in a medical environment.
TonyDanzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it involved food service?
FeatheredSun ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He said A&W. Fast food.
They didn't want Mr. Smelly Hands handling customers' burgers.
Which is REALLY reassuring to hear, actually.
GoGoGadgetAsshat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:40:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, he said that's where he ended up getting hired. The story was about a CD store.
Pitakrita ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 21:40:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, I was pestered by a lady handing out some sort of religious flyers outside my work. I wanted to tell her "No thanks, I'm agnostic" I told her "No thanks, I'm autistic"
FloopsMcGee ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 00:03:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean...
Farado ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:16:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was she trying to drop a hint or something? Depending on the job, that seems like a really odd question.
ImOuttaThyme ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:22:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just gave me the biggest belly laugh Iโve had in a while. Gold star kiddo
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre welcome!
ElonMusk0fficial ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:02:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's important to practice good hygiene
At least if you wanna run with my team
I'm 'bout to get into some shit that I've seen
This fool's breath hummin' so bad it'll melt your ice cream
They say don't say nothing if you can't say nice things
Sittin' too close to him on BART, like my eyes sting
. .
The ONLY correct answer
ninjaedit: this was for a cd store? that make this even more perfect
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw him live just a little while ago at the Middle East, it was great
ElonMusk0fficial ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i only know him from when i was a kid and i played the shit outta tony hawk pro skater. IMO the best video game soundtracks ever
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if it's the best in terms of quality, but I have extreme nostalgia for any song that was in the MX vs ATV Unleashed soundtrack. That and Madden '05
gottabelenny ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:55:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this really Elon?
ElonMusk0fficial ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:36:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nope hes Official im 0fficial
Blockwork_Orange ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:00:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mine or someone elses?
defrauding_jeans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:47:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I legit lol'd at "Doesn't bother me"
luckyplum ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:38:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have to assume here that A&W doesnโt give a shit about hygiene.
InternalFarts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently work there. I asked the manager, and you ACTUALLY need to always have a clean uniform when you start your shift. Damn, I wish they asked me about hygiene before hiring me because doing the laundry so often KILLS MEEE.
mrbulldops17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. I also work at a&w I usually go 2-3 shifts before washing the uniform... I just can't find the time.
FerventFapper ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:11:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What, how do you forget this
GozerDGozerian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:46:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I don't really partake personally. But since the presence of cannabinoid receptors is encoded in our DNA, and it's just a plant that doesn't cause too many negative effects, I guess I'm okay with it."
_dock_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:43:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one made me giggle
EldeederSFW ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was the job for? That's a really weird question.
b-cola ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:15:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a CD store, small town mall. I swear I was freshly showered and all.
Lothgar818 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who's Gene and when did she say hi?
MrAndersson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:49:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One morning I forgot what breakfast meant, and I felt my then wife was very unfair when she got mad at me when I said I didn't know how to make breakfast. The situation didn't really improve when she gave examples of what breakfast is, and I sheepily responded - โOh, toast and tea, I know how to do that!" To her credit, she unexplicably managed to entertain me and my idiosyncrasies for more than a decade after that!
You are not alone :)
memicoot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm crying right now, that's amazing!
callummr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A 'hygiene', oh interesting. Never heard of a hygiene, looks pretty good.
ZeusHatesTrees ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
man, I love their rootbeer with those cold mugs. We used to go get rootbeer and ice cream at A&W when I was a kid. Good times.
Machismo01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How important is hygiene for you?
Are you kidding? Theyโve defined an entire genre of music in the psychedelic synth grunge scene. Itโs so great to meet another โHygenistโ!
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahaha, love it
zhangsnow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine the horror when the interviewer went to get a&w
ThanosDidNothinWrong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Aleppo doesn't bother me"
alexmikli ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:09:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lets be honest here. When companies are hiring teenagers, they always seem to hire the least qualified teenagers. I'm not sure why it was so hard for me to get a job for years but whenever I get fast food they always fuck it up in some ridiculous way, like if I order something with extra cheese I get no cheese.
lifelongfreshman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, if you got free root beer, I say you got the better job.
MrsHighPie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard I have abs now. Thank you for this.
b-cola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:40 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre welcome!
cryolems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A&W! Was it the drive up or stand-alone?
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mall foodcourt
bluesox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I have all their albums."
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha this made me laugh.
602Zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a red flag question in an interview, your pits must been stinkin.
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear they werenโt. I do know a handful of the kids who did work there and they were mainly punk rockers. Iโm not sure I fit in as I was really into Parliament Funkadelic and other groovy stuff at the time. My guess is the punk rockers stunk.
JustSwootyThangs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pro tip: When someone asks you a question using a word you donโt know, say: โWhat do you mean by that?โ
IvanIsResting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sam I wish I knew you back then I would have loved a barrel of Root beer
AgoraiosBum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
root beer floats for days.
averagejoegreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What an incredibly weird question for an interview at a CD store.
Kalculator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what kind of question is that even, "no I don't shower" is that what they were screening for??
ElitistRobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moral of the story: A&W does not care about your hygiene.
b-cola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:53:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canโt out stink the deep fried onion rings!
staycalm2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg Im laughing so hard. thanks. you made my day
moxiemeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'm not sure they care much about hygiene at A&W either, so you probably fit right in.
SimonCallahan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, I had an interview with Wal-Mart. I accidentally told them it was okay to come to work while drunk/high, just as long as you're not too drunk/high. Yeah, I didn't get that job.
mushperv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that's really funny.
Angry_Apollo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not related to the original prompt, but as an adult I was asked in an interview how interested I was in the job and I said 70%. Let's just say honesty is one of my strengths. I didn't get the job.
PunnyBanana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, unless you absolutely reeked, I would probably think you inferred from my question that there were people working there who weren't all that hygienic or that the clientele tended to not be.
aguasingas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How important are hyenas to you?
Consuelo_banana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar happened to me when I was in 1st grade . Didnโt know English just a couple words just transferred from a public school speaking only Spanish . A girl asked me if I brush my teeth ? I sorta understood her but I answered no . For the next 5 years I was known as yellow teeth because I didnโt understand her .
eqleriq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Remind me... what is 'hygeine'?"
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why was a CD store asking you what hygiene means to you?
admiral_snugglebutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also worked at A&W in high school. You were lucky, they don't give a shit about hygiene.
b-cola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there was some gross people there for sure.
alanalan123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of my first job interview, which was at McDonalds. It was in french because I live in quebec, but im pretty much anglophone and have terrible french speaking skills. I think I was killing the interview but then she asked "What are your weaknesses" (in french) and i drew a blank and had no clue how to answer in french so I just said "I dont know" (in french) and she just stared at me blankly for a couple seconds.
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, what high schooler doesn't know what hygiene means.
the_midnight_rider ยท 1222 points ยท Posted at 22:36:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the military and was at drill with a new unit. We had to stay overnight so one of the Soldiers' families that owned a restaurant catered dinner. The meat was gray and looked absolutely disgusting, so I declined when it was offered to me. The person dishing it out joked around and asked why I didn't want any, so I said the first thing that came to mind: "I'm vegetarian." That's not really common in the military so the entire meal was spent with people poking fun at me and I went along with it all being the new one in the group... besides how do you tell people you lied about that? Shortly after, we deployed and I spent 10 months eating every meal with people who thought I was vegetarian so I spent the entire deployment living off of grilled cheese, salad and rice when all I wanted was a big ass burger. 6 years later... I'm still vegetarian. If I could have seen that coming I assure you my last meal with meat would definitely not have been McDonalds chicken nuggets.
TLDR: Lied about being vegetarian instead of just politely declining nasty looking meat like a normal person. Ended up actually having to be vegetarian.
Chopinplease ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 00:47:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was crying laughing telling this to my SO. Idk why I find this so hilarious. You just committed so hard lol
the_midnight_rider ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 11:42:10 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We literally found out we were deploying a few days later so I didnโt even have time to have a โlast mealโ ... the struggle was real
hey-look-over-there ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 23:17:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vegetarian MREs are so much tastier than the regular crap.
the_midnight_rider ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 23:36:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Completely agree! And they are more likely to have reeses pieces or m&ms in them notthatI'dknowfrompersonalexperience
Feritix ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:29:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ratitouille is hands down the best MRE.
Captain_Cawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:54 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This fucking guy knows what's up
Septiimus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:44:21 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Minus the veggie omelette, yes, you are correct.
Convoluted_Camel ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 19:20:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"So you think meat is cruel?"
"Nah that's OK."
"Religious reasons?"
"Nope"
"So you don't like the taste?"
"I love the taste"
"?"
the_midnight_rider ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 12:10:44 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually remember what I said... โwe didnโt grow up eating much meat so I just decided to stop completely a few years agoโ so I didnโt even give myself an out like โitโs a new thing Iโm tryingโ
Kaento ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:12:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One more could be health reasons.
captaindecafaced ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:39:29 on November 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Environmental vegetarianism is also a thing.
SlapstickVampire ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 18:34:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need you to be an ambassador for vegetarianism now, I'm not even vegetarian, but I think you might be the most sucessful one.
"You never know until you try, and commit to it, it might grow on you!"
the_midnight_rider ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 11:40:15 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I really did want some meat overseas especially when we went to the local places and everyone was getting big ass turkey legs.. but when I got home and could have actually eaten a steak without anyone knowing it just wasnโt appealing to me anymore. I actually feel healthier and Iโm a cheap date ;)
aoiN3KO ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:43:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha way to commit bro
frolicking_elephants ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 06:43:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, are you out of the military and still vegetarian?
the_midnight_rider ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 16:28:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About to get out and yep...still vegetarian. After a year without meat I didnโt find it appealing anymore so I just stuck with the veggie diet. #noragrets
vergushik ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:27:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
absolute win!
allthewayfucked ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:47:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know that even real vegetarians, like change their mind sometimes right? It's not like you were pretending to be Korean or something...
BxtchImGoku ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:33:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like Michael Jackson said. The lie becomes the truth.
UndeadBuggalo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:10:49 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one wins
llambie42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:38 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely!
literallyclickedit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:30 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if that meat was actually like so good though damnnnnn hhahaa
Saywhatwant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:58:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha that's awesome.
Jac0b777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:34 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is absolutely amazing.
theanghv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:17 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How long do you plan to keep this going? That's some real dedication
chaddbrochill ยท 322 points ยท Posted at 22:19:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was shopping in Best Buy as a teenager, and had on a nice leather jacket because I thought I was cool. Looking around one aisle I have the urge to sneeze so I let it out. I ended up sneezing a rather large blob of snot onto the lapel of the leather jacket. I noticed this quickly as I made eye contact with a worker and a lady coming down the aisle. Without thinking I almost instantly licked it off of my jacket and kept on walking. The worker and the woman just looked at me in shock and were pretty much petrified. I kept on walking.
To this day I have no idea why I did that without hesitation. It still haunts me, and I never told a soul. โCept for you Reddit, cuz I โpreeshiate ya.
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 13:56:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, i maintained composure until i got here, now im laughing my ass off.
bryondouglas ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:02:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got into the habit of sneezing into my shirt. One time I shot a huge blob inside my shirt, I looked up and saw some people I kinda knew looking at me. I didn't know what to do. So I maintained eye contact, kept a poker face, and slowly pushed the shirt into my chest. I'm 100% sure that they knew exactly what happened because they looked horrified!
UnclePatche ยท 632 points ยท Posted at 22:05:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freshman year in college, I had been to Michigan to visit family and bought some pepper jack cheese from a farmers market. Back at school, I was sharing it with my roommate, having crackers cheese and pepperoni while playing video games. We had our door open, and our 10/10 female RA came by and asked what we were up to. Rather than say playing video games or just chillin or something normal I look her dead in the eye and in an uncharacteristically peppy voice go โeatin cheese!โ She just goes โoh, ok..โ and walks away. My roommate was dying laughing. My friends still remind me of it to this day.
Killer_bacon ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 01:01:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually hilarious
merr_99 ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 02:16:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I mean, you were eating cheese.
Donna_Freaking_Noble ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 03:17:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best part of this story is how we know that the cheese came from a farmer's market in Michigan.
T0Mjefferson ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:34:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How much cheese is too much cheese?"
snake4641 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:58:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any amount of cheese is too much cheese Charlie
SlapstickVampire ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:57:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My exhusband and I once bought 11 pounds of cheese together. it lasted 2 weeks.
micjagguar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:02 on December 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh noooooooo hahaha
potential_penguin ยท 44149 points ยท Posted at 16:33:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I took a bus in a new city, I pulled the stop request cord at the wrong stop. Instead of just being a normal person and telling the driver that I didn't mean to do that, I got off the bus and walked for an hour in the rain.
Not_now_j0hn ยท 14841 points ยท Posted at 18:13:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best one. I would probably do that
topaz_b ยท 4501 points ยท Posted at 18:35:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done that. Picked the wrong stop and had to walk about 3/4 of a mile to my aunts, while in school uniform, in the scorching sun, and because i was a defiant teenager there was no way i was taking off my security blanket of a jacket.
Edit - I realize 3/4 of a mile isn't much but I got off knowing it wasn't my stop and decided to wear my jacket in May in Bermuda on a hot as hell day. It somehow made me feel less awkward...
famalamo ยท 108 points ยท Posted at 20:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TOO DEFIANT TO REMOVE THE JACKET UNDER HEAT? THIS LASS NEEDS TO BE PUT IN A STRAITJACKET!
EDIT: it's a lass
Henny_The_8th ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 21:27:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MANS NOT HOT!
Salimsta ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:16:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PERSPIRATION TING
glorioussideboob ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:49:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LYNX EFFECT
Kespatcho ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:01:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never hot
Henny_The_8th ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:02:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smoke trees.
temalyen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:05:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyday
topaz_b ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:45:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a lady sir!
famalamo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:49:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THIS LASS
topaz_b ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:21:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! nods lass-ily
famalamo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me just say that the lack of punctuation in your initial comment had me deceived as to what you actually were.
"Lady sir" vs "Lady, sir"
Fleeto95 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:38:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/madlads
Bwazo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But not in the scorching sun
NatasEvoli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For almost a mile?!? How is he even still alive??
famalamo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently by storing an ice pack in her vagina
Hokehs ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:12:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3/4 a mile... So like a 15 minute walk?
[deleted] ยท 160 points ยท Posted at 21:21:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
addictwithnopen ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:43:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody needs to make a bot that does this
Ulti ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 21:57:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... writes poetry? If you can find a way to make a bot that does that, don't tell anyone, and just start publishing.
addictwithnopen ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:59:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit
Youโre right
I was just thinking program it to look for rhyming synonyms within a certain syllable count in comments
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:02:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahaha yeah man that's Sprog, he/she is kind of famous around here. There is a bot that counts syllables and tries to turn them into haikus, but it only works well about half the time.
addictwithnopen ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:06:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh believe me I know Sprong - I just had the thought that this would be a fun idea
And ooh a glitchy haiku bot?!? Look how far humanity has come
Ulti ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:11:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I cannot remember its name at the moment... but you see it fairly often if you poke around long enough. Also I couldn't help but laugh at that original "oh shit" post there, I was sitting here thinking "wait how has this guy never seen... ohhh yes this is gold!", haha!
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
is confused by the wording
laughs, smiles, nods
Dinosauringg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thereโs two haiku bots one that always works and one that purposefully doesnโt work.
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, oh really?
Dinosauringg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. One of them works right every time, the other organized by words instead of syllables. Iโm not really sure why the second one exists except to make people think the original is broken.
Ulti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if you're not bullshitting me (because this is the internet and I'm too lazy to check myself!), that's goddamn hilarious, and it works well.
Dinosauringg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No BS. Someone else already linked the regular one, I canโt remember the name of the fake one
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's glooooorious.
rofex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's /u/haikubot-1911.
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thankee, my good knave!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good grief.
AngelKnives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Half is generous!
rnykal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That bot's not that bad;
Almost every single one
On its front page works.
AngelKnives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But usually it has
just split up a sentence really
awkwardly
rnykal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:39:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tru
rnykal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That bot's not that bad;
Almost every single one
On its front page works.
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:01:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like it's possible, but syllable analyzing alone is well outside the scope of your average Reddit programmer. Add in having to stitch together the words in a way that not only makes sense but rhymes and you've got an IBM level project.
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who goes to Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology... they have nothing better to do, Iโm sure, so Iโll call them. If they donโt know how to do it I guarantee you somebody there does. I mean, theyโre the only high school with their own fucking satellite
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:06:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck but at the minimum they would need an already existing database with word homophones because it's incredibly hard to predict homophones in the English language and you'd basically just have to manually create a massive database.
Edit words.
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thesaurus.com?
Tman1677 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oops accidentally said synonym instead of homophone
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should be x-posted to r/nostupidquestions, but what do homophones have to do with it?
Tman1677 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The words would generally need to rhyme.
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would an online rhyming dictionary cross-referenced with thesaurus.com not work?
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Theoretically but it would be a massive undertaking cross referencing the data and making a reasonable sounding poem. The real problem would come with structuring your sentences. Most computer generated sentences are a product of machine learning from existing patterns in speech. Poems would be much harder as the sample size of properly fitting speech is much more limited and connecting the words together without a precedent on how those words should interact with each other would be a hard hurdle to overcome.
addictwithnopen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:20:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs true - I hadnโt thought about that...
What if somebody just made a rhyming bot? Instead of fitting it to a meter, it just changes the last word(s) of sentences in comments to make them rhyme? Would that be easier?
Edit: forgot a sentence
Tman1677 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that could work. It would still need the databases mentioned earlier, and you would have to decide on the line spacings and stanza's yourself, but end of line rhyming and even more complex rhyming patterns seem pretty reasonable to do.
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
u/freeverserhymingbot... coming right up!
Zena-Xina ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:46:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a bot for that. His name is the haiku bot and he's mighty swell.
Fatalstryke ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FIFTYEIGHTPOINTSANHOURAGOWITHNOGOLD BOIS WE IN HERE.
[deleted] ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 23:19:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm getting really tired of all your shitty poems. Until reddit comes up with a way to block people can you phase stop.
yinyang107 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:07:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly more people like them than don't, going by the upvotes.
NewToMech ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:10:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell 'em MAN'S NOT HOT
๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ ๏ฝ๏ฝ ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ๏ฝ
bdonvr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:36:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay but 3/4 of a mile is just short of 4000ft.
Itโs not that bad I often have to walk further to the nearest bus stop
Silver_Yuki ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you had the option. We had to have our school uniform perfect even when walking to and from school, otherwise we would get a weeks worth of detentions (lunch and after school).
So no "excessive" (whatever that means depended on the teachers moods) warm winter clothing, and no removal of anything in summer (including navy blazers and our stupid ties).
It was 3.8 miles to my mums house, which wasn't so bad when I lived there, but to my nans it was 5.5 miles. Wind, rain, fog, snow, hail, lightning and thunder, blazing sun, I did it all on foot in their precious uniform.
We also weren't allowed to put a towel over us if we were rained on, so every year from autumn to spring I sat their in wet clothes all day...
I hated that uniform, and the school.
Trickykids ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:20:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow 3/4 of a mile!!! What are you some kind of endurance athlete?
CAPT_CRUNCH228 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kk what time x
MoonPoolActual ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:53:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. Me too.
HighestLevelRabbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:38:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would take a walk in the rain 10 out of 10 times over a walk in the hot sun on a too hot summer day. Have done both and the heat is so much worse.
IamPun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin thought I know the place and I thought he knew it.
So when a familiar looking stop came, we looked at each other, had that eye to eye moment and got off the bus.
Got to know my cousin better and know my stop best
timndime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this on the elevator
professor-i-borg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How long did you have to have your leg casts on after that ordeal?
TrooperRamRod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in my day, to get to school, we walked 30 miles on that scorching sun, uphill both ways thru a solar flare. Consider yourself lucky!
ishopliftapples ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SALTus?
improbablewobble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one time when I was eight I was riding the bus home and talking to a girl I liked (I was already girl crazy by then). We had just moved to Ft. Worth and I didn't know the area like, at all, but I didn't want to stop talking to her so I got off at her stop (the driver didn't know me yet, I guess) and walked her home. We talked for a while until her mom called her in, and I started walking home. Only I literally had no idea which way to go. So instead of knocking on the door and asking for help, I just started walking and ended up hours later in a pretty bad neighborhood, and it was starting to get dark. I stopped at a store but the pay phone was broken and I was too scared to ask the clerk for help, so I just stayed there. I think it was like 9:00pm before they found me and my mom was a mental and emotional wreck. It fucked her so bad she didn't beat my ass, which she did for pretty much anything else. I"ll always remember that day.
kkneko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
exactly the same thing happened to me haha I was also on my way to my aunt's and also had a jacket on top of my uniform on a hot day
eeyore102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did the same thing a couple of months ago, wound up walking a mile to my actual destination. At least it was a nice day.
lilyhasasecret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My brother did this to himself once. He later realized he almost had heat stroke
ChickenNuggetMike ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:25:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first bus ride, I had $20 dollars pre-loaded onto a card. I was going to a new highschool having transferred pretty early in the year. Most of the kids on the bus had the same uniform as me. I didn't realize there was a different slot for the card and I put it in the change slot and it ate my card. Took a $20 bus ride my first day of new highschool.
smiles134 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first month at college, two days after my long term girlfriend broke up with me, I took a bus at night to target with some friends. We got the last bus back and they got off by our dorms but my bike was a few stops up, so I stayed on.
Anyway, we passed the stop but it was a block up so I was going to wait for the bus to loop around... Until it didn't. Never turned back. Finally the driver turned around and told me it was the last stop of the night and I had to get off. It was about midnight in a city I didn't know and I was about a fifteen minute drive from campus. One of my friends called one of their friends with a car to come pick me up, thankfully.
Oops.
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:57:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely have done that as well... -_-
BradC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, thanks.
PM_ME_FOR_MONEY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:23:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't
splitsycat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done that. Several times.
incitatus451 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:10:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can picture myself doing this too. Why do we do that?
mogeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First day visiting our office in Long Island - instead of hiring a cab, I decided to take the bus because I took the bus every day in SF, so how hard could it be? Not wanting to look like I didn't know where I was going (I'm a girl from the city, I got this!), I don't ask the driver what stop to get off at. There weren't many stops and before I knew it, I'd missed the stop I needed. No big deal - I'll get off on the next one. Yea, it was about a mile away on a busy one-way road next to the highway with no sidewalk in sight. So I had to walk in the dirt, in heels, and arrived sweaty and late. Never took that bus again.
chubbyurma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done it like 10 times. Even for things I couldn't be late to.
imsosick03k64 ยท 8717 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I even do this driving around town, if its too crowded and its too much of a bother to change lanes / people being a jerk while driving, I will literally just take new routes, get lost, and drive around, just because I didn't want to be rude and butt in the lane.
edit: Thanks for the love guys, nice to know I am not the only one :)
gillgreen ยท 3741 points ยท Posted at 19:29:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've deliberately missed my bus stop a few times just because I was in the window seat and didn't want to ask the person next to me to let me out...
ddongkkopokbal ยท 2348 points ยท Posted at 20:58:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anxiety is great, isn't it?
l_dont_even_reddit ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 23:01:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anxiety takes you to new places it seems
Captain_Crunk_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo
gillgreen ยท 204 points ยท Posted at 21:14:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the bane of my existence...
Tf2idlingftw ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 23:08:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The way I got over this is thinking about the other person.
When you've been in the aisle seat and someone next to you asks, or even looks like they're about to get up, its never really a bother right?
Chances are that's how most people feel so don't stress about asking the person. :)
thatoneretardedkid ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:49:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yeah that thinking helps me out too in various situations, starting as a cashier at my job I felt I was being stared at and judged by the customers. Thinking as a shopper though it would be highly unlikely for me to do such a thing.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:32:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I judge the cashiers really hard. I make mental notes on their weekly performance and if they did anything stupid.
Just kidding!
Thunderbridge ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:50:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hello ma'am how are you today?"
"I noticed your scan rate is down this week, you'd better pick it up!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck no, they are already scanning way too fast.
Thunderbridge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hello ma'am how are you today?"
"I noticed your scan rate is up this week, you'd better slow it down!"
There you go
thatoneretardedkid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:34:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao almost had me flip when I saw the comment preview.
CandleJakk ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:42:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it helps, I've had people in the aisle seat be relieved I've asked them to tuck up, because they've worried I'll stay sat there and miss my stop otherwise.
Hrynkat ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:17:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been dealing with anxiety for my life and have been slowly improving with situations like this, so now I try to be aware of people around me and if say the person I'm sitting by starts to get antsy or look around I'll deliberately try making eye contact to be like "when is your stop", since I know this feeling all to well, and hope to be a comfort to others dreadful anxiety haha
saw-hill ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:25:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're a good person.
blackbird90 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:28:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always take the aisle seats on long flights because I don't want to ask people to get up for me if I need to use the bathroom. But I always tell the window/middle people "If you want to get into the aisle, just let me know".
hollowmoon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:23:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a good person. I'm going to file that for later use.
[deleted] ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 23:10:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LowerTheExpectations ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:34:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm happy that while those words resonate with me, they are much less the current me than the past me.
mildlywilde ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:51:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This makes me happy for you :)
TrivialBudgie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:57:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me too! it feels good and surprising to realise my health is improving!
mikya ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:27:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gets me right in the feels.
FeatheredSun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:00:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PFYS, you are just an amazing person. These little poems are a joy, and this one especially is very apt and endearing!
Bravo sir/madam!
matchesmalone10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 sprogs for the price of 1 thread!
Dragon789010 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love it
UmbertoEcoTheDolphin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like the weight of an elephant is great, yes.
jackster_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got anxiety on the bus and had to get out five miles early and walk. I left my cousin who has really bad lupus on the bus alone on her way to see her caseworker. I was only going to help her, but all of these wheelchair people kept getting on and it was so crowded. Felt like I was suffocating.
-Rum-Ham- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a good tip, I just carry a bag so when I come close to my stop you just pick it up and start messing with zippers and the person next to you will naturally move to let you get out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like you
LeeCarvallo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm beginning to realize that these things are not normal behaviors so yes it is great
cyborg_127 ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 22:04:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't ask, you just pull the cord obviously and stand up. They should notice at least one of those.
Jonnofan ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 22:27:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually have my backpack on my feet when I'm on the bus so bringing it up onto my lap is usually enough to cue the person in the aisle seat I'm about to get off thebus .
double-you ยท -57 points ยท Posted at 22:37:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I deliberately ignore these kinds of hints. Partly because you should be able to say you want to get off the bus and partly because it is annoying if I'm at the window seat and people assume my actions are hints. Like putting a book away. Sometimes I just want to put the book away and not read anymore. It doesn't mean I want to get off the bus.
Edit: I also don't want to pay attention to the person's actions because nobody wants to be watched and I want to focus on my stuff.
Edit2: Such downvotes. Wow. Obviously I let people off if they show intention of wanting to get out, but hints I will not try to interpret.
Leaxe ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:02:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have to pay attention to a person's actions, but if you happen to notice clear intention of getting off the bus, why not oblige? Sounds pretty petty.
double-you ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:08:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, obviously I will get out of the way even if they fail say nothing if it is clear enough. An actual intention instead of hints like picking up a bag.
petriol ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:57:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When we finally meet I'm gonna breathe into your ear until you let me out.
bmhadoken ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:00:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We both know how that would actually go: You consider doing it, then worry if he'd find the smell offensive, then lick your wrist and sniff it to see if your breath is rank, then realize that you just licked yourself like a dog in full view of everyone and quietly shove your face into the window and hope he gets off at the next stop while red-facedly contemplating suicide.
petriol ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:05:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But sir, my atrocious breath is the heart of my plan.
double-you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That doesn't really signal "I want to get off the bus".
SolsKing ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:42:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It signals "please get out of my face"
Cupcake-Warrior ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:44:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aren't you a pleasant person!
Clarityy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:10:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just said you deliberately ignore these hints. The implication being that you see the hint and then ignore it.
You can't deliberately ignore a hint you don't see, that's just missing a hint.
So you're getting downvoted because the way your post reads is that you're a massive asshole who notices that someone wants to get off the bus but you wait for them to ask you anyway. Just wanted to let you know since no one else explained and you didn't seem to get it.
double-you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's curious how downvotes do not explain anything. Thank you for commenting constructively!
There's a difference between a hint (you put your gloves on) and clear intention (you turn to me) and there's a spectrum where everything lies and then there's me actually asking them if they want to get out and then there's people focusing on what I didn't write and there's shitty mobility keyboards which discourage writing and then there's writing exact rules for a system which doesn't have any.
NeverCast ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:36:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You press the button/pull the cord, and then just put your hands on your lap or on your bag. That's it. That's the leaving protocol for buses.
vl99 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:21:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're asking the person next to you to get up, you're doing it wrong. What you need to do if you're a socially anxious bus rider who needs to disembark is as follows:
1) When you're 2-3 stops away from your stop, start shuffling around. If you have a bag, move it around noticeably on your lap as if you're fluffing a pillow. If you've got pockets, check them like you're making sure your wallet is still where you remembered it. If you've got neither, just shift your body in a minuscule way from side to side. This primes the person next to you to know they'll have to be moving soon. About 50% of the time if there is an open seat anywhere else on the bus, they'll get up and move to it at this point.
2) When you're 1-2 stops away from your stop, repeat the same motions as earlier while looking out the window. Now the person next to you should be almost completely primed.
3) As the bus finally takes off from the penultimate stop, use whatever arm is closest to your seat partner to pull the string. Brushing your shoulder against theirs to go for the bell let's them know it's the person next to them ringing the bell. At this point they might get up without needing to do anything further.
4) Finally, if they're not already up, and you've reached your stop, repeat the motions from steps 1 & 2 while slowly, methodically rising from your seat, making sure to lightly brush against your seat partner at as many points as possible on your way up.
At this point if they're not up yet, you'll have to say "excuse me," but these steps utilized in full combination have never failed me in my 10 years of using public transit as my main method of transportation except in the extremely rare case that your seat partner has fallen to sleep.
ThatGodCat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:15:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is way overcomplicated. All you need to do is look around, grab your bags, and scoot yourself half way up your seat, keeping your posturing alert. It's super simple stuff.
_____D34DP00L_____ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:10:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/britishproblems
blackbird90 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:26:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm driving 2 hours tomorrow for a work trip instead of carpooling because I don't want to ask whomever is driving to stop if I want to.
DoorframeLizard ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:49:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ouch fuck too close to home
dan2737 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:32:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What has technology done to man?
olivier188 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:01:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i dont quite understand what technology has to do with that?
dan2737 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:11:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Horseriders of past days would not be so afraid of interactions.
gillianishot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or was it, you really enjoyed the company of the person next to you
Cryptyc81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For this reason I just stand, even if there's plenty of seats.
Darsyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahah oh man, you should come to china. Then if you don't have the courage to ask people to move or just push people out of the way you will never be able to get off a bus or the metro again haha :D
Wehavecrashed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro just stand up
Elm691 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me on an airplane. My husband finally started buying business or first class tickets on long flights, because he was convinced I would eventually pee my pants. Having to walk down the aisle with people looking at me, then the chance of having to stand outside the bathroom door waiting is terrifying.
GrayEverywhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just get up they'll know that's your stop
NerdENerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is the worst when you say excuse me to the person next to you and they just stare at you waiting for you to say something while you are waiting for them to let you out.
Max_Thunder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just pretend to pull the request cord even if already pulled, people usually move upon seeing you doing that.
proweruser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is some bad anxiety you have there, bud.
I have an anxiety disorder and stying in my seat to not have to ask a person to move, would never even enter my mind. I don't like asking them, but I'll still do it, if I have to.
Maybe you live somewhere with way better public transit than me, but the boredome I'd feel waiting for the next bus far outweighs any anxiety.
nonegotiation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you never have to use the restroom if you have the window seat on a long flight.
rydan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You realize they'll move if you just stand?
lasercat_pow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you just wait until the isle person disembarks?
WhiskeyOnASunday93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just gotta do the "my stop shuffle" shift around like you're meaning to get up and usually the aisle sitter gets it
flamedarkfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you pull the cord 9 times out of 10 they know to get up for you.
Forikorder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
just start standing up and theyll take the hint
igothitbyacar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Just stand up; they'll move.
improbablewobble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I used to frequently fly for work I always always got an aisle seat because I hated asking people to move and I tend to pee a lot.
BRUTALLEEHONEST ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was hot, wasn't she?
marvingmarving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that's insane.
DeepHorse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I'm glad I'm way too lazy to listen to that kind of anxious thought in my head
gonzo_redditor_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:14:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so neuroses comes from energy not intelligence? TIL
DeepHorse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I get anxious all the time but the thought of having that much inconvenience overrides the anxiety for me.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just being a gigantic pussy/idiot. Blame anxiety all you want but thatโs on you.
LeafRunning ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 23:23:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes mate. You're probably gonna get downvoted but you're entirely right. There's a difference between being anxious and just being completely RIDICULOUS and socially incapable.
Miss your bus stop because there's someone sat next to you? You're having a giggle. What if they're on the bus for like a straight hour? And when they finally get off, someone comes and sits next to you? Jesus Christ.
shantyanty ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:19:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure this and that difference is called anxiety and it is a mental illness for some. No need to be a dick about it.
LeafRunning ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you can't bring yourself to just say 'Excuse me' to a stranger and the result is that you're unable to leave the bus where you want, potentially going on for miles then you're completely and absolutely ridiculous, beyond reasonable and you ARE social incapable.
At that point, how do you even have the courage to pay the bus driver or tell them where you want to go? How do you have the courage to even go outside? How do you not even start freaking out at the fact that a stranger is sat in close proximity to you?
If stating what needs to be said is being a dick, then I'm a monstrous cock. You want people to surround this person and keep telling them "Don't worry, you lost the battle but anxiety is a war! Better luck next time!". No. Someone needs to tell this guy "Stop being so fucking ridiculous and get the fuck out of your seat. Stop playing games" because this is exactly what it is. Pull your finger out your ass and stop being such a push over.
You can sit there and tell me I don't understand anxiety, that it affects people differently etc. And I understand that, but this is BEYOND acceptable. I know what anxiety is, and I know how bad it can be, but at this point it is beyond anxiety I feel like. It is beyond anything.
"Sorry I'm late, I missed my bus stop because I didn't want to talk to the person sat next to me" - To your boss or girlfriend with dinner reservations?
What if someone has injured themselves and are in desperate need of medical attention and you're too nervous to call 911? Would that be ridiculous?
What if you need to take a piss but someone is sat next to you and you don't want to disturb them to get off the bus? Do you eventually piss yourself?
I seriously can't believe I'm sat here on Reddit trying to argue that missing your bus stop because you're too nervous to disturb the person sat next to you isn't completely irrational and rather pathetic.
This person needs to be able to say to themselves to "just do it" in these moments. It's not acceptable behaviour and they should actively be bettering themselves regarding it by tackling it head on, not avoiding it. Ask someone to move out of their seat 100 times, and you'll stop feeling anxious about it, or at least as much.
NationalDirt ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:01:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
602Zoo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:21:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The anticipation of knowing your stop is coming is getting greater Bing and greater Bing and greater bing until the dreaded stop finally comes... You watch as the bus drives right past your stop but you dare not pull that cord.
Then comes the argument you have with yourself about why you do such retarded shit on your 3 mile walk home...
arabianbandit ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 21:24:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call me ignorant but I don't get it at all.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:28:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ok so learn about it then lmao
Tod_Gottes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:03:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like mental disorder
evilheartemote ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 21:46:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this while driving too! I also have a fear of turning left out of parking lots onto busy roads, so I usually go right and just drive out of my way even if it takes longer.
QueenAlpaca ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:09:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Usually it's faster and safer to turn right and find a light to turn at rather than trying to pull out in busy traffic. My sister actually t-boned someone trying to turn left from a parking lot. If it worries you to pull out (inb4 that's what she said) then stick with your gut and do what you feel safest doing.
StarshipBlooper ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:35:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad made fun of me when I mentioned I did this. Glad I'm not alone!
steaknsteak ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:11:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the same. It just stresses me out looking back and forth trying to find a time to go. It might add a minute to my drive but it's just so much easier going right first
TheFlyingBogey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:05:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It took me way too long to realise you're in a country with right lane driving.
I'm currently learning to drive and had a whole lesson on right turns, which in the UK is harder as you have to cross over the other lane and check both sides before emerging. So for you that would be the left turn which is harder and you have to give way on.
dagbrown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you know what they say: two wrongs donโt make a right, but three rights make a left.
Altair05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:26:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got into an accident because of this. Now on busy roads I'll take a right and find a safe place to U turn.
KenEarlysHonda50 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:52:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just owning your own problem.
I do that too, I think it's just considerate motoring.
hemajor ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 21:12:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would rather have people take the next exit and turn around than those jackasses who cut people off because they realized too late they missed the exit.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:06:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:22:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the exact same thing and ended up in another country
horsecalledwar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:59:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! Or the people who will stop on a busy road rather than go to the next exit. By all means, 100 people should wait & possibly be maimed in a rear-end collision so you don't have to circle a block. /s
Shleepie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last week one of those jackasses swerved across two lanes, nearly perpendicular to traffic, to get to the exit. He's lucky he cut off cars that could brake in time to not pinball his ass around the highway. Then he had the nerve to give us the finger for blaring our horns at him -- what planet do these assholes get their sense of entitlement from?! "I'm just gonna do whatever I want and fuck the rest of you for being on the same road as me."
BestFriendHasLeprosy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stand up and fart in their face.
pfun4125 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:16:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too, but different reason. You can't count on people to be alert enough to get the fuck out of the way. And if they don't and you hit them you're at fault.
Muzzledpet ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:35:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I though I was alone... Thank you, kind stranger for letting me know I am not <3
zuckerballs ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:44:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish more people done this, less cut ups last minute resulting in less accidents. A great attitude towards driving to be honest.
EnchantedNanny ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:49:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. Or change lanes and it is a turn only, so you pretend you were going that way anyway
imsosick03k64 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:51:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yes this... oh well, time to explore!
roomandcoke ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:57:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is how people should drive.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:30:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's too crowded and the pace doesn't allow you to maneuver then you're not doing the awkward thing you're doing the right thing.
ThwartChimes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:59:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I regularly do this. I figure, it's my fault for not planning appropriately, why should someone else pay the price?
thoughandtho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:03:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend does this. We were going for a drive while on vacation and she couldn't get in the left lane to U turn. Couldn't get in the left turn lane to U turn at the next light either. That was 6 months ago, still trying to U turn. Send help.
hispeedzintarwebz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a long list of what I call RTRs - right turn routes - all over my medium/large city. Often, I would spend more time waiting for traffic to open up to make a left - especially on arterial roads with no turn lane - so I spent a lot of time looking at maps and know lots of shortcuts and side streets. I havenโt done a peer reviewed study by any means, but Iโm pretty sure that overall it saves me time.
imsosick03k64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am also a big fan of right turns as well! Left turns avoid them at all costs! XD
altes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:20:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I did this today (not the first time) and have felt like an idiot since lunch. I feel better knowing Iโm not the only one.
4ValarMorghulis4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not from Massachusetts. Confirmed.
pinktini ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, I just did this. On my way to class, ended being 5 min late because I was too slow to speed up and cut everyone to get in the right lane.
jamese1313 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what is supposed to happen!
If a lane ends and people have to merge, that's one thing. But if your lane doesn't end and there's not room for you to get over, you have no right to stop in a moving lane to try to force yourself over.
docmartens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need to master the "I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry" gesture. People will do nice things for you if you're clearly contrite.
bugeyedew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian?
supsip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thought every time. But now that Iโve been drive my for a while I like butt in sometimes
Stoner95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me on the ring roads of a city the other week, added an extra half hour to my travel time but I stuck to my guns and tolerated the drive.
whatthatboydoing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just sit there and hold the pee ready to rupture your bladder bc you don't want to ask the aisle seat to let you out.
QuabityAshwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. I miss an average of 2 exits/turns anytime I drive somewhere for the first time.
Darkblitz9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do that, until I realized that being scummy ends with the advantage in 90% of situations. I try to avoid it but I've stopped caring about appearances in these situations.
pandaSmore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're a good guy dude.
Punthusiast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually did this today. Except the guy that Was blocking me in my lane was the guy whose back bumper I hit and paid for 3 weeks ago.
Furyuri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you from Canada?
TalkinBoutMyJunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next week on "Canadians in LA"...
jedontrack27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could have been told today that we had verifiable proof of the second coming of jesus christ, and learning someone like you actually exists would still have been the most surprising thing to happen to me!
boogernator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually do this a lot. Good to know I'm not the only one!
nspectre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this just to find new routes and not have to sit in too-crowded, jerk-filled traffic. ;)
Plus, it's kind of a survival strategy in Los Angeles. Going to/from work I have in excess of 6 alternate routes based upon the style of traffic. Rush hour? Accident? Full moon? Last Thursday of the month? Different routes.
itsonlyastrongbuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope there's no rotaries near you.
You may never get out.
othersomethings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh good, it's not just me.
deeladubya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You from the Midwest?
imsosick03k64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you know?! Yea i am haha
deeladubya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolz. I do the same thing. We're too nice here. The thought of driving in other cities it state causes me some panic.
swyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/britishproblems
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Own it, bro. I don't think of this as a loss, I think of it as a great opportunity to explore routes I'd have otherwise not taken. I'm not the best with directions so deliberately getting lost is good for me to remember roads better.
sinister_exaggerator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this and it's my job to drive (pizza driver) and it happens all the time. I now know ever alternate route to anywhere in the town I work in. So if anyone here needs like a getaway driver or something, I'm perfect for the job.
queenfool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this in my small town all the time. I moved to Pittsburgh and now sometimes that becomes a 2 hour adventure :/
empirebuilder1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not being polite, that's being a safe driver. Forcing yourself into a slot in heavy traffic removes the buffer zone between cars, and if something were to happen in the intervening 10-15 seconds before the flow returns to approximate normal, nobody could stop in time.
namrettik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I parked three blocks away from my destination, in the middle of the night, with no traffic, in a spot that was far too tight (but my proudest parallel parking job ever) because street parking already looked a bit crowded.
It was wide open at my actual destination.
And then I wound up just barging into some poor old lady's apartment because I didn't realize it that the old house that had been converted into a bunch of apartments didn't use the front door as a main doorway. I even clamored over child gates on what used to be the front porch because I'm a moron.
dangerous-lhama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:34:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch... sometimes when I'm in a hurry I just say "the next guy will let them in the lane" and be a jerk. Did not know one could have such effort because of it. Sorry, I promise I will try not to be a jerk in traffic.
XFX_Samsung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha I do that, Waze is always recalculating a new route. Fuck city traffic
croppedcross3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost did this yesterday. Wreck on my normal route, gps said to turn at the exit ramp that was 1/8 mile ahead. Wreck was a 23 minute delay. My initial instinct was to just stick in my lane and not be an inconvenience, then i thought about it and got in the exit lane after some maneuvering. If it hadn't been stop and go traffic where i had time to think I'd have waited the twenty minutes.
Thatsprettygroovy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this until I began driving for a living. Survival of the fittest now!
Made_in_Murica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What else are you going to do? Cause an accident? This isnโt a lesson to be less awkward. This is a lesson to get in the right lane before itโs too late.
Vok250 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THAT'S WHAT TURN SIGNALS ARE FOR. They signal to the drivers in the other lane that you need to merge in. The vast majority of drivers will make room to let you in.
I'm surprised no one has said this yet and instead people are trying to justify this behavior. If you are too anxious/self-conscious to perform basic driving maneuvers then your poor mental health is affecting your life and you need some counseling.
EDIT: This really applies to most of this thread. Holy shit guys. This is basics stuff that no one cares about other than you and your own anxiety. I'm honestly in awe of some of the responses here.
RitzyVagabond ยท 1464 points ยท Posted at 16:54:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you feel about your decision to get off of the bus during your walk?
potential_penguin ยท 2508 points ยท Posted at 18:40:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent that walk home thinking that just saying a couple words to the driver would've made that day a whole lot easier. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess. On the bright side, I do know which stop to get off at now!
JHTech03 ยท 1351 points ยท Posted at 19:33:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I do that I just walk into the nearest store until the bus leaves and wait for the next bus. Nobody but me should know my shame
nnyx ยท 1708 points ยท Posted at 20:39:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is somehow worse.
At least the other guy only did it the one time. You apparently do it often enough to have a go-to solution.
[deleted] ยท 792 points ยท Posted at 21:08:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It helps to plan ahead when you're an idiot.
Stalked_Like_Corn ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:12:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This! My wife always wonders how I have backup plans to everything. I'm forgetful and I'm kinda stupid sometimes (most times) and do stupid shit on occasion (a lot of occasions) so I make sure I have a backup plan. I get lost so I always make sure to leave extra early to go to places.
When you're stupid, you plan ahead thoroughly. She's Tunisian and we live in Tunisia (I'm from the US) and she wonders how I know my way around the majority of the city so well. Because I freakin' get out at the wrong places sometimes and have to walk a lot and learned where to go like that. I learned back roads because I barely speak the language here and I fuck up and used to be worse. I'd tell the taxi cab the wrong direction sometimes or tell him but he mistook it as turn left RIGHT THERE not ahead like I meant.
So I learned a lot of backroads here near our house. Used them a month ago and my wife was like "Jesus, how do you know this? I'm lost!"
gonffen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:26:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
Stalked_Like_Corn ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:36:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the city. I figure it out eventually. I can speak enough of the native language now that I can get around easier. It is terrifying to be in a cab, not speak the language, only a basic idea of where the hell you live in a foreign country.
concerned_llama ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:12:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But wouldn't all your plans are idiotic for the same reason you are an idiot?
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:15:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surprisingly, not always. That's part of what makes you an idiot.
concerned_llama ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:17:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What an idiot, why didn't I see it before?
lebruf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:30:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My secret to survival is knowing how stupid my ADHD can make me be and having all sorts of automated failsafes, reminders and backup arrangements to save me from my inescapable idiocy.
Vinkhol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Story of my life
moralprolapse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And self-awareness has to count for something.
Dufusbroth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I say this often. Or if you gonna be dumb you gotta be tough
LettersFromTheSky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an idiot and cant plan ahead xD
CageAndBale ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or ya know just use your mouth
Pickled_Wizard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:59:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people no word much good when anxious.
thatmorrowguy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:14:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, busses are confusing. I've been in new cities several times on public transit and gotten horrifically lost - especially in the days before smartphones. Buses are almost all locals who know where they're going. When you're from out of town, it's hard to keep track of which street you're at, and most buses don't consistently announce their stops. Sometimes it's better to get off, pull out the map figure out where you are, then get the next bus than risk getting put on a freeway to a suburb or into the ghetto.
grape_jelly_sammich ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:00:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if you're going to be walking a long distance in the rain, you have enough time to think of something like that. Kind of a shame that OP didn't do that (could have saved him troubles). That's assuming of course that there was another stop nearby. Maybe there wasn't.
Henesgfy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the difference between a solution and a workaround.
Rognik ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:03:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then, to avoid further awkwardness, you need to buy something from the store!
ThatGaaraKid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:57:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then you're forced to buy something at the store or else it would also be weird
NobbelGobble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How far apart are these bus stops?! In my city you can throw a rock from one stop to the next
kinetic-passion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not if it's a circular route and it's off-peak hours (You're likely to get the same driver coming back around)
freechewie143 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this, but it backfired on me. The bus driver turned around to return to that stop for a handicap passenger he forgot to help off. We looked at each other with shame, and we never made eye contact again after that.
Waffles253 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 19:32:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you pulled the cord. I didn't want to inconvenience anyone so I just got off at the station and walked home from there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't you just wait for the next bus. Were you worried the same driver would remember you lol
idontevenarse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You did the right thing. Losing face is much worse than walking an hour!
makemeking706 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be honest, you would do the same thing if you were again in a similar situation.
72skidoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where do you live that the bus stops are an hour's walk apart??
xeno111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are the right words, since you've had so much time to think of them? In case this ever happens to me..
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's sort of a life lesson though isn't it.
BrickDeckard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's cool though, you went on an adventure, rains not so bad, and new cities are more fun to walk around in than go from bus stop to bus stop. Sometimes I'll have the uber drop me off a little out of the way to go for a chill walk and see what's going on.
terminbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first time taking the bus, I got off too late. So I checked my phone, which lagged like hell. Got off the bus to check the stop map, hit my head on the mirror. Went back to ask the driver for help. Hit my head on the mirror again. I wanted to die.
C0rdt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still cringes over it every single time he walks anywhere.
Macktologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easy there, Barbara Walters.
thenewnature ยท 554 points ยท Posted at 18:18:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow, I've accidentally requested the wrong stop and said to the driver, sorry I meant the next one! When the next one was maybe a 45 second walk down the road. That sucks bro
lisbonant ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 20:57:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I PAID MY FARE
hellomynameis_satan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:43:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your ride ends when you pull the cord! GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY BUS
WhoKilledZekeIddon ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:29:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what if you do that, then come to realise that it's not the next stop either? Would you draw a line under it at that point and get off, or boldly say "Sorry, next one"?
If the latter, when does this madness end? And have we just managed to quantify anxiety using bus stops? Jesus.
thenewnature ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:45:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think at the second one you just have to accept your fate. It's not your day, you gotta just take it with as much dignity as you can muster. Let the hot feelings of shame warm you on the cold walk home.
WhoKilledZekeIddon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:18:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thus making you of moderate temperature. Got it.
Run_LikeHell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:55:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh homeostasis
mlsweeney ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:26:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chicago? That city has so many damn stops. It's a blessing and a curse.
FTorrez81 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:04:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Immediately thought of Chicago because there are bus stops literally on every other block
keekah ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Houston has this as well. At least for many of the routes.
krazykman1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:06:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could be Toronto as well, one of the most well represented cities on reddit and one of the world's best networks of buses and streetcars, all of which have tons of stops. That being said our subway system kinda sucks
thenewnature ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:37:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're the winner, at least it's the GTA anyways.
yinyang107 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just out of curiosity, was it a Viva bus?
thenewnature ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a city bus
therealrealofficial ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:55:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So there are many people from Toronto in Reddit? I am genuinely interested, is it famous there like the average guy use it or what?
krazykman1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say that the average person uses it but I remember in the census data a couple years ago it was one of the top 3 cities if im not mistaken
therealrealofficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't manage to find the census, do you have any link? Thanks
krazykman1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:49:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't find it either it was years ago :( It might have been from website traffic data not from a census but either way google isnt giving it to me sadly
Take it with a grain of salt because this is from memory. I only remember Toronto being high because it's my city.
therealrealofficial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:25:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ofc nevermind it looks interesting
cosmic_Kate ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 21:33:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to ask this
Midtexan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or when you say โsorry, I meant the next one,โ and then driver keeps going past that stop and then someone else on the bus yells and says thatโs their stop.
Pass3Part0uT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive said that before and the driver tried to get me to leave the bus... Total dick.
Turnbills ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 19:42:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was fairly young and super inexperienced with the bus, I got sick of waiting for the bus going in the direction I was waiting, so instead I hopped on the one going in the opposite direction, figuring it'd loop back around. Ended up wayyy the fuck out of my known areas and didn't have a phone or any money but got off at the last stop which was thankfully a station and I noticed a bus of the same number about to start up so I hopped on there. Ended up wasting a good 2 hours but hey, I learned the route!
CeruleanTresses ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:24:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing. Got to the final stop and the bus driver was like "Um..."
Luffy97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:40:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this happened to me this week, felt like such a moron.
Whatsthemattermark ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 19:53:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this with food. If I ask for something and get something else, I just say nothing and eat it in shame
DeemDNB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bunch a goddamn Normans in here
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me at Panera. I ordered a pick 2 - soup and flat bread - from the app and when I picked it up in the shelf, there was a note on it saying there was a preparation mistake and to go to the counter, but I just took it and went home. Turns out there was only soup in it and they forgot the flatbread and side of french baguette.
jujujuice92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, happened when I once ordered chicken tacos or something at Baja Fresh. I had been waiting an appropriate amount of time when they called out for a ready order. Being the awwkward goof I am, I just took it and when they asked if it was mine I said yep. Turned out to be something entirely different. I wasn't about to go back and wasn't about to not eat it
A911owner ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 20:12:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a bus driver, I can't tell you how many times the chime has gone off and no one got off the bus. Sometimes people think the next stop is the one they want and it's not, sometimes people lean up against the stop request button (there's one on the pole closer to the floor for disabled passengers), and sometimes people pull it just to be a dick when they have no intention of getting off. If I stop and no one gets off, I just close the door and keep driving. We really don't give a shit. And even if we did, it's impossible to tell which passenger pulled the cord anyway.
B0bsterls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:38:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't imagine what was going through OP's mind at the time. As you said, the bus driver can't even tell who pulled the cord. I bet he thought the driver was gonna come down the aisle and drag him off the bus.
walnutwhip ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:51:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that too, I'd just moved and had been shopping for stuff, so I had 4 big bags of heavy shopping too- awkward house stuff like pots and pans and this massive storage box and glasses. I thought I was just round the corner but I really wasn't, I had no idea where I was. I just walked until I thought somewhere looked familiar, in the dark, realised it was looking familiar because I'd already been through it and just kept asking people until eventually this poor couple took pity on me and walked me back home like a lost child, carrying my stuff which I could tell was far heavier and more awkward than they had bargained for and which turned out to be about 20 minutes away. We quickly ran out of things to talk about it so they were just shepherding this near-tearful stranger home, whilst carrying her purchases like unpaid sherpas, in silence. I then made it worse by thanking them profusely for about a year while they politely tried to make their excuses and go about their Saturday night as they had clearly planned. Awkward.
smooth_baby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit
keludemonslayer ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 20:22:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In first grade I was getting home in the back of the bus for my first day of school. I vaguely recognized my bus stop because we had just moved into a new house and attempted to get to the front after hesitating. Then the door shut and the bus began to move so I sheepishly sat back down. I was in panic the rest of time, too anxious to approach the bus driver. After all the stops, the bus driver lady was at the gas station and luckily my mom showed up. I was in tears ready to accept my fate of staying on the bus forever.
HairyHorseKnuckles ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:17:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that on the school bus in 7th grade. I got off one stop too early, and the next day the driver looked at me expectedly at that stop, so I got off. I walked the half mile home every day for six months until we moved away.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:30:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DirtySimon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:57:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your poems are so rediculously good.
FakeOrcaRape ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:00:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
holy shit.. this is the top comment? i do stuff like this all the time..i went the wrong direction on a bus for two hours just content to let it circle back around bc i was nervous to say anything. it didnt turn around. i had to get off and wait for another bus at the end of the line, then ride another two hours home.
i paid for 4 pizzas that were randomly delivered to me
i have not gone back to the doctor in almost a year bc last time they said they recommended me to see a male doctor. i have massive social anxiety, and i have no idea what to do or why they would suggest me to see a male doctor but now im too nervous to even call them.
Echelondriac ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:24:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this more times than I can count...
vanillamasala ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:28:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I had to take a bus to a place I'd never been before and missed my stop. I ended up in a part of town I didn't know and had no money to use the pay phone (yes those still existed). My parents wouldn't answer so I went to the Dairy Queen next door and I was SO embarrassed that I decided I should use a Russian accent to speak to the manager because obviously if I was foreign it would be more understandable that I was lost. (I had taken Russian in 4th grade so I actually knew a few words and figured my accent was probably OK) The dude was super cool and drove me to my destination because no one ever answered the phone and I was a distraught Russian girl lost in the city.... pretty sure he bought it, but I was terrified of getting busted the whole time.
DefameATory ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:35:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the exact same thing with lifts. Thankfully my building only has 6 floors.
SirNoName ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:00:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes you can cancel floors. In my building you just press the floor button three times quickly and it cancels it.
Toutouka19 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:43:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey fellow awkward penguin!
st_owly ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:19:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you British?
MerleChi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:23:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told the driver I pulled it by accident, and he gave a very annoyed sigh and kept grumbling about it. I was beyond mortified.
You did the right thing.
davecarldood ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:42:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're fucking adorable.
buttersauce ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:53:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love that hour after I do something like this where i'm just like wow i'm so fucking stupid.
NotKrankor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:08:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three days ago I was in the subway and our train stopped at a station. I was redditing on my phone. People get off, I stop reading and have a look. It's my station. Shit shit shit... and my brain shut off. I looked back at my phone, thinking "shit it's too late, I can't get off now".
I got off at the next station, crossed the street, and got in again. I lost ten minutes because my brain just sucks ass.
I'm 26 for duck's sake
SayDaat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang that's next level! I did that once but just stayed in my seat. So painful.
abigfatnothing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once did that as well, though I just had to walk 20mins longer.
XStitchSublimateRage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:35:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing!! I was taking the bus to my co-op placement in high school - I'd used public transportation in our city maybe, like, twice in my life. I kept asking people for advice and tips (I like to be prepared for EVERYTHING) and someone said, "You just pull the cord when you see your stop!" So, not knowing where the nearest stop was to my placement, I waited until I saw the physical building. Of course the next stop was after the nearby intersection, but thankfully not far so I wasn't late.
I knew for the next day when I had to pull the cord!!
brbafterthebreak ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:49:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then as soon as you get off you're like
"Oh it's only an hour. In the rain"
"I'll be fine"
"No I won't"
"What the fuck is wrong with me"
RonyTheTiger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:50:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I ever took a bus, I didnโt know about the cord, so I just kinda mumble shouted โStop the bus please!โ.
Everybody looked at me like I was retarded, and the kind woman in the seat in front of me pulled the cord.
I was 14.
jofflyn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college I only took the city bus when the weather was crappy because my place was only about a mile or so away. After a long day it was kinda rainy so I went to wait for the bus and felt like it arrived a bit early, but hopped on. Realized it was the wrong one after it turned the opposite direction of my usual route, so I pulled the cord and got off but walked the opposite direction of where I needed to go until the bus was out of sight so I wouldn't look like a dumbass. Ended up walking even father in the rain than if I had just walked straight from campus.
karspearhollow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my bus broke down so I caught the next one and the guy waved the fee for us. I knew I was getting on an express bus, but I thought he'd be stopping at requested stops cuz, you know, he was picking up passengers from a non-express bus. I realize now it was dumb of me think that, but I did.
Saw my stop coming up, requested it and stood up. 30 seconds later we rocketed past my stop and someone slid into my now vacant seat, leaving me to stand like an idiot for the rest of the way to the next scheduled stop. I then walked 20-30 minutes home. Not a bad walk, at least, but someone could have said something. Including the guy who took my seat...
Belelodin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just roll with it. Maybe you made an important discovery, avoided getting murdered or unknowingly meeting your soulmate
konan375 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:04:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done the opposite. I didn't really know about the stop cord and ended up missing my stop. I stayed on the bus all the way back to the terminal and took the bus with my number.
zero_link ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:12:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god i did this because I fell asleep on the bus. Woke up and the windows were foggy so i couldnt see out them. So I pressed the bell, and ran off. Turns out I was only 3/4 of the way to my actual bus stop. I mean I prefer walking and listening to my music for 30 extra minutes in the morning to getting to school on time... schools boring
Banirawr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:35:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan?
Uzikriaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've literally done this exact thing, rain and everything. Glad to know I'm not the only one
MRTibbz98 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao something i'd do
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Howell? I'm pretty sure he told this exact story on his channel like 5 years ago. Maybe less
JohnnyJoeyDeeDee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:54:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always press the stop button as invisibly as I can, in case the bus stops at a stop I wasn't expecting and I can look around confused as everyone else, searching for the person who pressed the stop button, as no one gets off the bus. The bus driver will just eventually give up and pull away, and I get a second shot at the correct stop.
Queeg_500 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:59:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the UK this is the standard practice...signalling the bus to stop at the wrong place is both your crime and your punishment.
todolisting ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:18:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao I'm crying laughing
EverythingsFineHere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to take the public bus to and from school. On a few occasions, the driver would have to stop at the children's crossing, which is directly before my stop, and forget that I needed to stop there. Generally, people would know because they would have heard the tone, and shout out to let the driver know.
One time I was standing up near the back of the bus and it was really crowded. I headed towards the door after pressing the button and I couldn't see outside the bus at all. All I knew was that the bus stopped, then kept going, and I thought he wasn't going to stop again, so I shouted out STOP. The driver came to an almost immediate halt to let me out, and several people were staring at me. I felt like such an idiot, but teenage me decided to storm off the bus as if I were in the right.
StretchyPlays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:27:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was walking into a place to get some dinner to go, and I accidentally walked in the wrong place, meaning to go next door. I got food from a place I didn't really want because I was too awkward to just walk back outside and go next door.
IgnorantGenius ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I took the bus, I sat on the bench only to watch the bus drive by. 10 minutes later, I was standing, but had my thumb out like I was hitchhiking.
joyfall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once somebody told the driver that they accidentally pulled the request cord just as the bus was about to stop. The driver kept driving and I was too awkward to tell him I actually wanted to get off at that stop.
Another time I was waiting for the bus in a crowd. When the bus arrived everyone lined up to get on. I was behind a girl and when it got to her turn she told the driver she was waiting for another bus. The driver assumed we were together, closed the doors, and drove off before I could even say anything. I was too awkward to say anything to her so I just waited with her for the route she was getting, got off at the next stop where my original bus was also waiting, and then transferred onto the correct route.
lil_ciabatta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:02:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time and just get off -- I feel embarrassed for making the bus stop early. If the bus isn't too full I'll just say "oops, wrong stop" and the driver will keep going.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done the exact same thing!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something I'd do. On busses I never sit unless it's empty because I always think about it too much that I miss the spot. "Oh there's an empty seat..Should I go sit? Is someone else trying to grab it? Ah I should just go for it.. never mind he took the seat."
chizmanzini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No shame in that. My wife and I got off a subway in Chicago because we didn't feel safe, walked 15 extra minutes in a downpoor to our hotel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:03:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay, i pressed the stop button at a stop i didn't mean to, and i was the only one on the bus. The driver looked back at me and i was on my phone and he tutted and drove on.
heartbrokenandgone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I so would have done this
DrBob666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like something I would do.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had the same experience once. I live in a rural area, so the bus stops are relatively far from each other. It was really dark outside and I couldn't properly see which stop was coming next so I pushed the 'stop' button one stop too soon. I had to walk for about 40 minutes because I was too imbarassed say something.
Jennibaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg Iโve done this!! Hahha
cas201 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have done the same thing.
kibbles0515 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:50:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that, except it was in the middle of a Minnesota winter. Called my girlfriend to ask for directions (I don't own a smartphone), waited for the next bus, which didn't stop, ended up walking 5 blocks to another bus, made it to work 1 hour late.
Rivkariver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that a stop early but wow, an hour?
punkterminator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I missed an appointment once because I pulled the cord about about 10 kilometres from my stop and didn't want to come off like a moron to everyone on the bus. I got off and waited for the next bus, which came about 20 minutes later.
Slydruid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:01:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that as well! It was only a block. But I was dropped off at an abandoned warehouse rather than where I work. What made it worse was that he had to stay stopped for a handicapped person to get off. So I got to walk by the bus that dropped me off too early.
Michaiahjoy22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, sounds like something I would do.
LifeIsPointless_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this twice
Bunktavious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, did the same, only it was snow rather than rain. Hardly ever took the bus and didn't remotely know the route.
Koda_Brown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't even have to say anything! Just don't get out
Wildaz81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After growing up in the country, I had no idea how the city bus transit system worked. For example, when you take the #23 there is another number #23 going the opposite direction. It was my first year at university and I took the #23 to class. When it was time to go home I went and jumped on the #23 where I had gotten off. I didn't get off and didn't say anything to the driver who apparently was supposed to go on his dinner break at the end of the #23 east route. I very awkwardly sat on the bus with a very annoyed bus driver while he patiently ate his dinner.
That was a very long day.
cookingboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have just waited for the next bus lol.
SPAREustheCUTTER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I still do this. I feel like a complete asshole announcing my stupidity, so I just hoof the extra stop.
professorvi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i done that but i actually told the driver to go to the next stop, and he said โyou know, youโre wasting my time hereโ
Seikon32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened when I was on the bus and this guy did it. But instead of getting off, or just apologising, he kept on telling the bus driver to just keep going. When the bus driver stopped he looked absolutely vivid, thinking he had to get off and walk. Then he saw a line of people behind him wanting to get off. He just sat down and stared at the floor. I'm guessing he missed his stop because he didn't pull the cord, atleast for 7 stops when I had to get off.
S16_Drummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would go perfectly in r/benignexistence please post it there lol.
JoeyJoeC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Deleted]
unobtainaballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:32:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you British?
RoxyBuckets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've definitely done that. Except it was only 20 minutes.
freeblowjobiffound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could pick the next bus.
dognus88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this. I also later that day I missed my stop and instead of asking how to go back I just walked around a new city for a few hours till i found my way to somewhere I knew
kingnico89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't you just waited for another bus!?
its2017now ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:56:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I would've just pretended to look at my phone or out the window. Avoidance is pretty much my specialty.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done that before multiple times. I don't know what it is about busses, but they stress me out to no end. I don't have the same problems with any other type of public transportation. I pretty much completely avoid new busses these days.
thelonelywolf17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I did actually lol
Myid0810 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
youre not alone i have done this too
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was late for my first day at college because I didn't realise how many stops were between my destination
DisRuptive1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something like this too but I pulled the cord at my stop. The lady next to me was really big and I was too awkward to tell her to move so I stayed on the bus until she got off. Then I went one stop further, got off, and got on another bus going the other direction. I added about an hour to my commute.
ikilledtupac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i did a similar thing on the Shanghai subway, apparently it stopped running after a certain hour, and I was in the middle of fucking nowhere, China, with no subway to get back.
frame358 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg, this is me...
cuckingfomputer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this before. I didn't have to walk for an hour, but I still got off accidentally because I was too embarrassed to admit that I goofed.
Snowfall97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I relate so much to this itโs painful.
jkovach89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you only did it cause you thought "Oh, I don't want to inconvenience anyone, and the walk can't be that far..."
NightShiftNinja ยท 7538 points ยท Posted at 17:10:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a random bout of social anxiety once while having to go in to a Home Depot to pick up my dad's order of tile and was just so unwilling and afraid to actually talk to an associate that I called my dad and took the phone up to the employee at the counter while I just awkwardly stood away from them and looked at paint.
wrongstep ยท 4105 points ยท Posted at 17:32:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god no lmao
MoeMikay ยท 280 points ยท Posted at 20:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I walked around a home depot aimlessly for two hours because I was too nervous to ask where they kept cement. Left with nothing.
heigh_ho ยท 586 points ยท Posted at 21:40:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a Home Depot associate that knows how intimidating Home Depot can be for someone with any kind of anxiety, there is a Home Depot app that will tell you where almost every item in the store is down to the bay number. You can completely eliminate associates if you decide to use the self check out as well.
low_power_mode ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 01:42:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The target app does this as well! Chose a specific store and it will give you the item location. :)
leadabae ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:43:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is a life saver, Target might as well be Pan's Labyrinth with how hard it is to find things there.
OresteiaCzech ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:14:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!:)
FirstDivision ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:18:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It also avoids the awkwardness when the associate takes you on a wild goose chase all around the store and it becomes apparent that they have no idea either.
OscarM96 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:32:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're off the clock (I think), stop working!
samtrano ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:05:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's also on the website if you don't want to download an app
jd_ekans ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:37:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the real lpt is always in the comments
Nate72 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think my phone just took your job...
AnticitizenPrime ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 02:27:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'm fucking fearless and will charge up to an employee and demand to know where something is. Other times I'm socially exhausted and will wander wound for an hour looking for something and try my luck at another store.
Other times I just don't know what the name of the item I'm looking for is, and am ashamed to admit it.
Most recently - it's like a pole, but square, and has holes in it. Baffled everyone I asked. Turned out the problem wasn't me. It's literally called square metal tubing. Moral of the story, don't assume you're the uninformed one.
Bumpy_Waterslide ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Google's pretty good at guessing what you mean from descriptions like that. Then you can just show someone there
Edit: I literally typed "like a pole but square and has holes" and clicked images and it knew exactly what you meant
Momumnonuzdays ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:01:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm always amazed that Google can do that so well. People on reddit talk about the importance of knowing how to google, but for most things I write it out just like you did, sometimes even more convoluted because it's funny, and I'm almost always successful
Bumpy_Waterslide ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:28:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We are in the future
necropants ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:07:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You demand it?
AnticitizenPrime ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:16:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ferociously
eqleriq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yet you're uninformed enough to not use google to find what you're looking for and show it? mkay
farmtownsuit ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 21:15:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK, so assuming you're not exaggerating, how do you get through your day? I'm sorry I know that sounds combative and I can't think of way to make it sound less so but if you can't ask someone at Home Depot where the cement is for 2 hours, how can you manage any transaction with a stranger?
OresteiaCzech ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 00:25:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I plan everything around my anxiety.
Make my partner call for my pizzas, or talk in drive through or any store, really.
~Always~ make a plan of route through buildings to meet the least amount people possible.
Listen for any sounds outside for a minute until getting out of house to make sure noones around.
These are few examples how I make things work. If I ~have~ to talk to someone, I can. Sometimes even without being awkard. But it just hurts so much and I can only manage it for so long. Sometimes when I get home after very social day I just drop on the floor the instance I close the door and cry for 30 minutes.. for no apparent reason, It just... hurts, like if someone was forcing dagger in your brain while having your ultimate bully/enemy talking in your head.
Man, I wish I could afford healthcare :(.
Ctrl_Alt_Horse ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:05:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, I'm just a random internet stranger, but I've dealt with pretty bad social anxiety, and the only thing that really helped me was meditation/yoga. Specifically the stuff from this site: http://aypsite.org I can't claim it'll help you, but it worked for me, plus it's free. I can actually talk to people, and live my life now. Hope this helps.
OresteiaCzech ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:02:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey thank you so much :) I will check it out tommorow when I am not on phone. I've been considering trying meditation Already so that's perfect!
Ctrl_Alt_Horse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:05:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool, glad I could help. It changed my life, and I hope it helps you.
HandleWithCarrots ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have (admittedly mild) social anxiety and found that cognitive behavioural therapy helped. I never saw a therapist, just followed some books that have you do various thought exercises and observe your thoughts etc. Unfortunately I don't remember what the book was called now but I'm sure if you Google you can find something similar.
SilverpeltDoe ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 21:37:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the person you're responding to, but I've done similar stuff and I'd say it depends on what i want from the person. And whether there's a helpdesk or I have to approach someone walking around doing whatever.
But both of those are better than calling people. I once walked for an hour instead of calling my car insurance lady.
And you know, I have a stable job, I'm actually responsible for other people's actions, all my bills are paid, and most people would probably say I'm a functional adult.
MoeMikay ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:16:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It usually won't bother me every time I go to a store. It's just sometimes I can't get myself to go up to somebody for help. Those times I'll usually just leave and try a different day. Cement was for a hobby project so I wasn't in dire need and was just trying to gauge prices.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:01:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. I remember how socially awkward I was when I was younger, and it basically boils down to how terribly I needed something. Hobby project? Yeah nah, I'm not risking talking to someone just for that, especially as there's no time limit and I can just try again another time. If it was urgent then yeah I'd attempt to talk to someone even though I hated to.
sidewaysplatypus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:05:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have anxiety (well some, not like a debilitating amount) but sometimes I just get caught off guard. I'll be looking for whatever and an employee surprises me and says "are you finding everything ok?" and I just say yes out of habit even if I actually do need help :/
7eventy3 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:46:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is home depot customer service that intimidating?
meltyman79 ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 23:49:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, anxiety can just be that debilitating.
OresteiaCzech ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:16:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amen.
GayWarden ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 21:34:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is making me feel better about my apparently mild social anxiety.
Headbangerfacerip ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 20:23:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked for my father doing construction during summers as a teen and I would be sent to random warehouses to pick stuff up constantly. The social anxiety and guessing where to pay then where to drive the truck to pick up almost made me insane
NightShiftNinja ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:30:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. Mine does that shit to me all the time. Sometimes, I feel, on purpose.:/
Headbangerfacerip ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 20:31:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you feel like such a newb not knowing the routine of the top of your head so you guess your way around and pretend to be doing something different when your wrong and get asked
NightShiftNinja ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:34:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then the guys at the store are just like "wtf is this chick doing?" and you get even more nervous. Geez. Its happened so much that you'd think he'd stop making me do it. ๐
eqleriq ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:22:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
people have this craaaazy idea that you are simply "bad" at something and if you practice doing it you'll become "good" at it, and think that a lot of the disorders are people who tried something once, failed, and that failure stuck with them
KennyFulgencio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:49:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that kind of work briefly, and driving to the random warehouses was always a scary adventure, but I never had any idea other people might also feel so challenged by it. I thought it was just me being inadequate. I feel so relieved and validated :D
Kaneie ยท 354 points ยท Posted at 18:05:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds so much worse than awkwardly asking "Hey, uh, I'm here to pick up, y'know that thing for x"! I have to pick up things from a hardware shop every so often for my co-workers and I just go up to the counter like "I was sent for this thing by x," albeit extremely awkwardly.
ashadowwolf ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 00:19:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what's weird? While I'm still anxious doing these things, I feel less anxious doing things for other people than if I had to order something myself. Not too sure why.
whereisfancybread ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 00:34:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its hard to articulate, but I think I know what you mean. I travel for work, and therefore often find myself eating dinner alone in random cities. If I'm traveling for work, I don't give it a second thought. Because I'm on business, my boss is paying me to work, not be social, right? People gotta eat somewhere. But if I eat dinner alone in the city my husband and I live in, i feel more awkward about being alone. Why does no one want to hang out with me??
For me, it's about having an easy answer to the question of "why are you here", which for those of us who are super socially awkward, is the scariest question possible. Sounds like you feel similarly.
94358132568746582 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:05:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't go out to eat all that much, since I can cook. But I go to the bar alone with a book once a week. Live your life. The only reason you need is that you are an adult and you'll do as you please.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:55:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I'm glad I have voices in my head, I just take turns going out with one of them.
#neveralone
q25t ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:25:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an idea on that. Basically if you have to ask for something for yourself, there's one social pressure that you're imposing (inside an anxious person's head anyways) on someone. However, if you're getting something for someone else, one social pressure (obligation to get the thing) acts to drive you into the other (asking for said thing) and they sort of cancel each other out.
JGDoll ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:44:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same exact way, isn't it bizarre? Like making phone calls, asking questions, all that kind of stuff it's so much easier to do for someone else.
Mustaline ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:25:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's cause you're afraid to be judged by the people where as it's for a friend/person you're like whatever they can't judge me cause it's not for me. + You judge other people for their decisions less than yourself.
NightShiftNinja ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 18:09:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its a lot harder than it would sound, ain't it? My father was like "Wtf, NightShiftNinja? Are you fucking kidding me? " afterwards but then again, the man doesn't believe generalized anxiety disorder is real so he just thought I was being weird. :3 It happens all the time though.
farmtownsuit ยท -66 points ยท Posted at 21:09:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, no it is not.
deflatedkickball ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 23:01:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You must not believe general anxiety disorder is a real thing either.
fumblefinger ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:13:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's too real, imo.
samtrano ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:04:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are talking about Home Deport or Lowe's, you can just go onto their website and search what you're looking for and it will show you on a map where it is in the store
losian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is way worse and awkward, that's how social anxiety works, and the people that do it know it's awkward and worse, too.. which makes it awkward-er and worse-er.
RainyDaysareLovely ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:35:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg, what is it about that store? I was looking for something one day and called my husband and begged him to call and ask where something was. He called back and said they have it at the paint department. So I go there and there's two associates saying "oh, your husband just called? Let me show you where it is." I almost died right there. I knew they knew and I just wanted to run away. Ugh.
varyakoltsov ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:07:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awww! I work in retail and I had a mother ring the store and ask me to give her directions so she could relay them to her teenage son who was in the store and too afraid to ask an associate. I also get a lot of people who just hand me their phone to talk to someone else so it's not really that unusual!
NightShiftNinja ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:11:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, that actually really puts my mind at ease. ๐ I thought I was just being a total weirdo.
justaddbooze ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:52:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were, but you meet plenty of weirdos when you deal with customers daily.
Vodis ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:53:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Home Depot associate here. I assure you, we're just as scared of you as you are of us. (Unless it's one of the old guys who's obviously retired and just working here part time for extra income. Those guys are all Nam vets and they fear nothing.)
NightShiftNinja ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:55:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol๐ That's comforting.
ThisIsHowItStartss ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:10:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really hate talking to people most days because of social anxiety. So every time I go anywhere, my boyfriend speaks to them in poor English (he's Asian) while his American-native girlfriend stares at something in the distance. I always feel bad about it, but he doesn't mind.
Yesterday when we went to Lowes to get paint, I was too nervous to ask the lady to mix our paint that I told him I had to go to the bathroom immediately ( I didn't) and instead walked aimlessly through the kitchen displays until a I was sure he had asked her and the paints were done mixing. He's really such a good sport about it.
NightShiftNinja ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:16:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely no joke. _^ The ironic thing is that I have probably the most intimidating resting bitch face in my entire family but the truth is, I'm just really shy around strangers and being forced into a position to where I have to talk to one will instantly trigger my anxiety. My dad doesn't believe in anxiety disorders so it can be hard to get it through his thick skull that I'm not being lazy and it isn't because I just don't want to talk to people. In your case, it makes you sound really cute but totally relatable. :3
loveforruka ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me. All these comments make me feel so much better. I have to add when I notice someone is fighting their social anxiety to talk to me, mine melts away.
ChaiHai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello there! I noticed you tried to do a " ^_^ " face. Yours is missing an eye. To remedy this, add one reverse slash \ no spaces before the first eye.
Cheers! ^_^
NightShiftNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
^w^
the_drunken_cook ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:12:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, that's hilariously bad. I'm so sorry, not only because I also have social anxiety but mostly because Home Depot is one of my favorite stores ever and it's always a joyful visit for me.
NightShiftNinja ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:16:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh its a wonderful store, no doubt but it was just a bad experience ๐ and yeah, my anxiety gets really bad in times like that because I just know that something-anything- is gonna go wrong.
gabriot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:31:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's always the worst at that store. Nothing is ever where you'd expect to find it.
ItRhymesWithTable ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:38:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had someone come up to the register at the counter-serve restaurant where I worked, and give me their phone so the person on the other end could order.
iEpidemics ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:25:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen this, but normally it's because the person who's there has no idea what they're looking for or doesn't speak English well.
NightShiftNinja ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:40:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad expects me to just magically know all of the tool names, what they're for, the measurements and where to find them all the time. We'll be on a job site and he'll come off with something like, "Hey, go get the half inch DeWalt drill bits in the truck"(this is a bad example cuz I know what those are. Just pretend I don't though:3) or tell me to get something like that at Home Depot and I'm just standing there like O_o.... Then an associate will notice the utterly lost look on my face, come over and ask if I need help and then the anxiety hits. You're spot on with that.
BrainWrex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:12:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha quite a bout of social anxiety that makes you look even weirder than actually asking
whitewashedchico ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:04:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was having a shitty day today and reading your comment made me laugh so hard that my dog stared at me awkwardly.... The worst part is I relate to this... Thank you kind gentlehuman
NightShiftNinja ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:05:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad I could inadvertently help. :3
feels_old ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:27:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this sometimes cringes
NotTheKindOfGirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:24:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know WHY but my brain read this as Order of Tile and I was thinking it was some sort of medal of valour or recognition like the Order of Merlin in Harry Potter, and I was wondering if Home Depot awarded medals to people who had bought lots of tiles.
Budakaman ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:16:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I'm cured.
ReginaFilange21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm reading this thread while I wait for my takeout and there's like 20 people around me at the bar and I'm all alone so I've been trying to hold in the giggles but this just made me snort, bravo
dainternets ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many pots had you smoked?
ryan10e ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:12:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you posted this story on reddit before? I swear Iโve read it before.
NightShiftNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. This is my first time sharing this one.
Historiaaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rest in peace
JumpingSacks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:42:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just bring my SO because she is more awkward about asking where something is than I am her fear gives me courage.
Flumeh ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is wrong with you people?
[deleted] ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 20:53:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awkwardness, for most of them. Some, like in this case, an anxiety disorder. Some might be autistic, but probably not many.
My problem isn't lack of awkward shit to post, it's as an autistic, many of these seem super tame and normal, daily occurances, and narrowing it down to the most awkward would be impossible. For example, I've gone back around the grocery and put back everything because I couldn't handle a live cashier and the self checkout was down. More than once. And was actually proud I stayed calm enough to return it all myself and didn't just take off and run out crying and flapping my arms. Someone else might post that as an awkward fuck up, but in my case, that's a partial success, I didn't accomplish my goal (obtaining groceries) but I also didn't cause a scene or make anyone else's day harder by abandoning the full cart at the door/line/service counter.
One person's awkward fuck up is another one's what the fuck, and someone else's job mostly well done. The range of human variation is pretty impressive.
AnticitizenPrime ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:33:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another answer from a non-austistic, non socially-awkward person - just hate asking for help because it feels like I'm sacrificing the idea that I can do everything myself. I think it's especially prevalent in the aforementioned Home Depot type place which is made for DIY people.
winglerw28 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:42:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can at least take solace in the fact that I'm not the only person who has done this.
Sideways_8 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 20:22:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do u mean "you people" ?!
JamEngulfer221 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:21:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're all awkward down here...
I_am_Santa_Claus ยท -26 points ยท Posted at 20:31:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I donโt get it at all. A lot of these sound made up.
JC_385798 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 20:40:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe some of them are fake, but it's impossible to tell because they're certainly plausible.
Social anxiety is a real thing.
I_am_Santa_Claus ยท -25 points ยท Posted at 20:42:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree itโs a very real thing. However it seems to me that Reddit is serving as a platform for people to either reaffirm their own beliefs about their anxiety (which only makes it worse than it actually is), or simply โboastโ about it. Both seem kinda sad...
bexmouse ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:39:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's necessarily to "boast" but over excitement at finding a platform where it's at least acknowledged. When you grow up with severe social anxiety it often gets placed in the same category as being shy, which can make dealing with it so much worse. Imagine you've been sick for a year and every time you ask for help someone tells you it's just a cold and it will go away.
oreotiger ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:59:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is literally what this thread is for. Of course you're seeing stories like that.
farmtownsuit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:12:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There seems to be a large and vocal portion of reddit that believe social disorders like anxiety, depression, etc... should just be accepted. Give someone here who is depressed advice and 37 people will scream at you about how you're not helping and how dare you. Ignoring the fact that they're not helping either and I've been diagnosed with depression myself, so I actually do have worthwhile advice to offer. And it's just that, advice.
jimbo224 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:31:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well shouldn't they be accepted, as in people should be able to talk about it and not shamed?
farmtownsuit ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:33:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh absolutely they should be accepted in that way. I guess I meant the person with the disorder shouldn't be resigned to 'well it's just the way it is now'. It gets better, but not if you just accept your fate.
thecanadianjen ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:54:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only way to remove the stigma around mental health issues though is to have blanket acceptance. More people would seek help if it were just ok to admit openly you have an issue. Took me ten years to seek help for anxiety disorders because of that shit and I make a point now to just be super open about it. Thing is with most mental health issues is that more people need to understand it's a chemical imbalance in your brain and it's not your fault. This is very general not you specifically.
But yah. I just mean if it were just accepted straight up people would seek help more and it would get better faster for more people.
jimbo224 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah gotcha. Completely agree.
thecanadianjen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd bet most aren't especially about this thread with anxiety disorders. I'm a pretty functional adult most of the time. Buuuttt anxiety disorders are assholes and they rear up all of the sudden and surprise you. It sucks but it does make you do stuff like the people above.
Moedig25 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:36:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking brilliant
Sandwichfeet93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh, I'd do that just through sheer laziness.
I_love_pillows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me irl
xannax2780 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. I can relate to this so well. Haha.
avacatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god my dad does this when i tell him to bring me food from certain restaurants. at this point i don't even ask him to get me anything anymore
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow. That's terrible.
Cerebelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's amazing
Sgt_Patman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean if it was a very specific order I could see that being faster than you writing it down or attempting to remember it, or worse, standing there like a translater just talking to both people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:21:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one wins
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:16:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God you're such a pussy hahahahahaha
NightShiftNinja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I do have one but you know what they say. You are what you eat.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:40:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh if you're a woman that's alright. I figured you were a guy.l and that would just be shameful.
tntey ยท 10571 points ยท Posted at 18:16:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 7th grade there was a girl who was super into gay people, to the point where she had gay dating apps on her phone. Of course I had a crush on her, so instead of talking to her and getting her to like me like a normal person, I told everyone I was gay.
Legend017 ยท 3909 points ยท Posted at 19:05:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did this work out in the long run?
tntey ยท 7964 points ยท Posted at 20:02:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eventually I found out she had a ton of transformers hentai on her phone so I noped outta that one.
Fettacini ยท 2883 points ยท Posted at 21:33:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one that got away
tntey ยท 214 points ยท Posted at 21:34:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still see her often maybe I should dress up in a transformers costume and see what happens
grape_jelly_sammich ยท 213 points ยท Posted at 22:05:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dress up like this one OP:
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/c7PhvXfyt1o/hqdefault.jpg
[deleted] ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 22:20:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Risky click of the day
zykezero ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 00:53:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes you gotta gamble, check a link on public transportation that you probably shouldn't have, for that extra payoff.
chilzdude7 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:37:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am on public transportation
Took the risk
???
Profit
Am i Doing this right?
Gyakuten ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank god for Reddit apps that show a preview thumbnail.
diakked ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:03:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roll out!
PimpNamedSparkPlug ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 01:08:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pull out!
ponyphonic1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:01:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only if you report back with your findings.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:23:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
she's highly likely into pegging, good luck op
tntey ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:54:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Nice.
tntey ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:54:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Nice.
boner_jamz_69 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:33:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Autobots, roll out!
Pillarsofcreation99 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:18:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Autobots , penetrate !
vivalaphil ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:28:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one that rolled out
Bunnits ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:53:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The autobot that rolled out.
Matti_Matti_Matti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:35:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When they have tentacles, youโre the one that got away.
Crotaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
25, tntey Fleet-Footed (EPIC)
Mystic Trickster
Curiousburgers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment
Roboticide ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 22:03:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? THAT is where you drew the line? After telling everyone you were gay? Gotta commit dude.
[deleted] ยท 3120 points ยท Posted at 20:10:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What... that's the best kinda girls.
whitepupper ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 21:34:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He liked the GoBots better.
BigSwedenMan ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 22:27:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At first glance I thought you were saying that GoBots were better than transformers. I was ready to downvote the shit out of you.
Jrook ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:30:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was like hol up
Then I was like, ok
TheUltimateSalesman ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:37:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little known fact, KMart was the GoBots' hideout.
whitepupper ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:13:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spoken like a true pickle fucker.
lizzstar13 ยท 150 points ยท Posted at 21:38:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm. We're the best!
Bk7 ยท 112 points ยท Posted at 22:31:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey it's me, your slightly vanilla mobile friendly transformer hentai.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:40:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whats transformers hentai?
CleverJokeOrSomeShit ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 22:59:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anime transformers porn
angry_badger32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:21 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, Megatron-kun.
[deleted] ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 23:30:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah a detailed response, Reddit's favorite!
Fine, I'll google.
GrimSwoopSlugSnarl ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 23:36:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's exactly it
et4000 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:37:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIP
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:39:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean I didn't know. It sounded like that but to me there's no connection between that kind of porn and being into gay dudes.
1337haXXor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:52:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, there're gay people who don't like Transformers hentai? Huh, TIL.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:00:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most transformers are guys soooooo- yeah. Atleast, I'm assuming they mean the robot transformers.
dismymobileaccnt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's so many male characters in the Transformers universeโฆ I think most Transformers porn would have to be gay by default. Either that or everybody gang bangs Arcee and Elita 1โฆor pairs up with tiny humans.
brickmack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know theres a non-zero amount of Bumblebee x Sari Sumdac porn out there.
Middle school was a confusing time
GrimSwoopSlugSnarl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess
CleverJokeOrSomeShit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:16:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably don't wanna Google that
atlas3121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could even say it gets your motor running.
E404_User_Not_Found ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:26:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet she had great toys.
Knoestwerk ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 21:51:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username is relevant?
DamclubHooligan ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:38:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You say that now but before you know it you're standing there in her bedroom with your dick poking out of a cardboard box Optimus Prime costume wondering how on earth you're going to have sex like that.
I3vanki ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:27:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, are you a tyre?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:32:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:46:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but I'm going on vacation tomorrow so it's okay.
fiberwire92 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:46:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many times do you get asked if you're a tyre?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:44:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends how much I comment that day.
Sam_Vimes_AMCW ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:25:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a tyre?
ilovemallory ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:50:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ARE YOU A TYRE
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:53:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yap
ilovemallory ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:57:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ask me if i'm a tamagotchi
KotaaBear ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:05:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, my mother is home.
Super_Pan ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:30:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you get tyred of people asking you the same question all the time?
[deleted] ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 22:47:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I regret it, but my personal rule is I keep a username til it gets gold. Once it gets gold, I delete it and make a new one. This is my 3rd account over 3 years of reddit.
Edit: I am relieved of my duty. See you all in the next life.
dudesguy ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:04:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's new. Can you explain the motivation of... Oh, sorry, I forgot. Is it true that you are a tyre?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:34:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is known
zunawhyyoudothis ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:19:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIP.
Generic-username427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bye your account, it was nice meeting a tyre
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See you in the next life.
Buckcheeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, are you made of rubber?
CabbagePastrami ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess you could say you're going to retyre that account.
PM_ME_UR_PERIODPICS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayyy r u a tyre?
TheLoneGreyWolf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:41:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a tyre?
robophile-ta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:43:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
;)
Fxlyre ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:37:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a Tyre ?
pizzaboy066 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:04:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely
zunawhyyoudothis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:18:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best ones have sonic porn on their phones.
MustyChed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a tyre?
DarknessRain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More than meets the eye.
sdmitch16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a tire?
1RedReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A TYRE?!
Arrowluv5 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 21:55:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hentai in disguise
Soulren ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 21:25:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse me what
diggadiggadoodoo ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 21:36:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/evenwithcontext
pipsdontsqueak ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 21:55:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So she was more than meets the eye?
AMasonJar ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:30:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn it
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:23:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist - she just pretended to like transformer hentai to impress a guy who loves it.
tntey ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:27:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The guy she liked pretended to be gay for a guy he liked.
-unKnowing- ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:29:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AUTOTHOTS ROLL OUT
DoesntFearZeus ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:36:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starscream found all kinds of new ways to fail Megatron.
chaftz ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:47:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'll pretend to be gay to get a girls attention but cartoon robots ducking is where you draw the line?
Ulti ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:15:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand people who put porn on their phone. I especially don't understand 7th graders with whackadoodle bizarro hentai.
tntey ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 22:16:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The 7th grade part should be the only reason you need
Ulti ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:22:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I was a late bloomer, but I didn't start looking at all the weird porn until at least the summer after 8th grade! Duhhhh 8)
lapotronic ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:04:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
everybody puts porn on their phone, some of them just aren't putting it in the right places.
Ulti ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:32:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I mean shit son nobody said you had to save it, we have internet browsers, it's the future.
lapotronic ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 23:39:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the opinion of a man who had never had one of his favorite videos wiped off the internet overnight.
Ulti ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:47:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is also the opinion of a man who stores his porn on his PC! And also is just really not super picky and tends to like variety instead of having many go-to's.
lapotronic ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:56:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, don't get me wrong, I like variety too! But nothing is more disappointing than going back to one of the classics only to discover it's no longer there.
Seems the only difference between us is where we prefer to save it!
Ulti ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:59:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just the passing possibility of handing my phone to someone and them uncovering a stash of weeb degeneracy is enough to make my penis retract into my body in fear. That shit stays on my desktop where I know nobody is going to touch it, and even then that shit is hidden in the deepest, darkest nooks of my temporary installer unpack directories and things. Ain't nobody findin' that shit unless they're lookin' for it.
lapotronic ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:12:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only have a laptop, which is frequently connected to a projector and used to accompany a speech / presentation for my classes. Ain't having no possibility of sliding into the wrong image or having the wrong kind of suggestion when typing in the search bar. Just the thought of it is enough to make my penis retract into my body in fear.
My stash of weeb degeneracy is kept in here:
https://www.samsungknox.com/en/solutions/secure-folder
which I have set to require a password to open. Anything that happens in there, stays in there. Even the keyboard suggestion history. This way I can keep my weird anime porn with me at all times, and ain't nobody gonna see it!
Ulti ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:22:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good solution. Although I'm pretty sure anyone who sees that secure folder is sitting there being "This is where the porn lives". I like to present the illusion that I am some kind of sexless paragon of virtue. It's an illusion.
lapotronic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually possible to rename it and change the icon! This is what mine is set to:
https://i.imgur.com/zFb1u97.jpg
Most people wouldn't click on that, and if they did, having a password for your 'health data' wouldn't raise too much suspicion. The entire app can also be completely hidden if you want, but then it's a whole process every time you want to open it.
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heeeeh, it kinda looks like a dick. Hehhhhh heh heh!
That is pretty slick though!
lapotronic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You noticed! :D I thought it was pretty clever.
-Mountain-King- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:34:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have a folder called "Porn". In it, have a single file: "You nosy fuck.txt" The contents of that file should continue to call out the reader for trying to find your porn.
Your actual porn stash you can put in a folder called "Letters to sis, 2001-2003". Make sure you have some dummy folders around it as "Letters to sis, 1997-2000" and similar, too!
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:38:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually do, hahaha. My reaction gif/shitty meme/misc internet stuff folder is called "Welp, it's not porn". Real porn lives some weird place like Adobe Setup Files or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, exactly my fuckin' thoughts too! I'll keep my futa and shit to myself, thank you verrrrrrrry much!
tijaya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:05:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, relevant username
Canvaverbalist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On your phone? You're clearly not Canadian
HalfDragonShiro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least she was keeping it on her phone and not posting furry porn to Facebook.
I knew a girl in high school that did that............she was not good looking.
Conewolf142 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:53:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't see a problem.
okbutwhytho ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:29:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What in the actual flying spacefuck
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:50:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cartoon robot porn = weird and unacceptable
Lying to EVERYONE about your sexual orientation at the remote chance you might even get a second look from a girl = โjust awkwardโ but acceptable
Sure
eifersucht12a ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:55:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha the more likely story
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:41:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You fucked up.
BattleRoyalWithCheez ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whyyyy?
Sevaa_1104 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:46:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did she send you any?
tntey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:49:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but I learned from a friend.
Zerohazrd ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:02:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sure your friend wasn't fucking with you?
tntey ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:12:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knowing the girl it wouldn't be that far fetched. She showed me gay captain america porn often too (pretty hot not gonna lie) so her watching transformers grind gears wouldn't surprise me.
izzohead ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:02:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you are gay?
tntey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:04:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah
MaxSucc ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:40:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
suuure
Jazzputin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:10:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you got bullshitted hard...
mrsbundleby ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:17:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, IDK rule 34 and all
tntey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:13:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you knew this person you wouldn't be surprised.
ChosenUsername12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:57:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats.. awfully specific
linwail ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:57:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hot
Yaksho ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:44:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"AUTOBOTS PULL OUT"
flipping_birds ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:15:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I'm going to accept this answer. If this is true, we're going to need a lot more information.
tntey ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:25:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what else to say, she had lots of transformers hentai.
jackson_c_frank ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:35:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah we get that, but surely it took a while for people to believe your story, right?
Nomulite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:43:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're gonna need proof that shit exists at all, let alone that she had it. Burden falls on you, bud.
Bearfan001 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:35:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it would lead to you telling everyone you were a Transformer.
I_love_pillows ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:19:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gay
Safari_Mossly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And fake
Deckard_Didnt_Die ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:02:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude green flag
iEpidemics ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:37:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
7th grade? You must still be in highschool if not middle school still. I didn't even know hentai was a thing until it became a meme. And I watch porn at least three times a week. Probably almost everyday back in school. Back when I didn't know incognito tabs existed... Or maybe they didn't exist back then. I remember having to clear my history way too often and god forbid someone type "big" in my google search bar...
scotlandhard ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:20:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hentai is the first porn I ever saw on the internet. You had to be careful searching Yahoo for "Pokemon" back in the 90s.
Not_An_Ambulance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:18:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh those disgusting transformers hentai sites! Where though? There are so many! Which one?
YourLocalMonarchist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your loss
BadNewsBarbearian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transformers! Sexbots in disguise!
Ragnarotico ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck is Transformers Hentai? (NO DONT LINK IT JUST TELL ME).
Swamptrooper ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:04:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume graphic Transformers pornography drawn in a Japanese/anime style. Kawaii bumblebee takin' the "prime" chode, ya dig?
Ragnarotico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was actually thinking that perhaps the Transformers have sex with humans?
-circuithead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personal experience as an artist in the Transformers fanbase: a gigantic chunk of it is robot on robot.
LordSaltious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:14:40 on October 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transformers...hentai? As in, produced in Japan pornography starring Transformers? Yeah, even I'm not that into Transformers.
tntey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:38 on October 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep
sophmorph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You really have a nose for the good ones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's so 7th grade me...
Humbabwe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, now I feel old.
Saltcall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And she also left crumbs in the butter
FlawlessRuby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could have been fun! One minute your playing with toy car the next you're fucking her with a transformer car/dildo!
jelvinjs7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that was a plot twist.
max_costco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess she transformed into a weirdo.
Mishaygo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transform and roll out (of the closet).
TheArkaTek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I know this girl. Was she a cowboy? Wink wink
Lanoir97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What in the actual fuck is transformers hentai? I can't even picture that.
njott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wait how were you just gonna leave that part out
iamhamming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you still got her number?
triflinprodigy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not see that plot twist coming.
Pisto1Peet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starting to think you might actually be gay. Any member of the opposite sex thatโs into transformers porn is a catch ya dingus.
RinkyInky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So like Optimus prime banging megatron?
Gankstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would tell everyone you are gay to bang a girl... but rejected her because she had a fetish?
Yup.. found a true guy.
Poisoned_Salami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you, some kind of robophobe?
Jontologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, this was an unexpected turn.
Satans_Jewels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She dodged a bullet. Nobody deserves to be judged for their porn preferences(except pedos).
ShoesNShows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was more than meets the eye
Bombspazztic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think we may have gone to the same school as I also knew a girl who liked gay people and transformer porn. Is that common?
tntey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess if you like gay people you like transformers porn.
AlwaysHopelesslyLost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a little suspect that as somebody with a supposed disgust for extreme Japanese cartoon porn you had the name ready to go.
traceitalian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you transformed then rolled out?
nefaspartim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This... escalated quickly.
pupunoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never even heard of that...brb
RusstyDog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my kind of lady.
villagefield ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this thread knocked the wind out of me.
Willy__rhabb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it gay transformers hentai?
Oxynou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao this answer killed me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so uh do you still have her number by chance or...
Fleeby_Jeeby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never thought I would have met someone who had the same problem I had.
waltjrimmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like... Like Optimus Prime fucking Shia LaBeouf or Megatron getting blown by a vacuum or something?
tntey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:54:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transformers fucking each other
Legend017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean what ended up happening with being not gay but telling everyone you were gay?
tntey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone kinda just excepted it.
MoonPoolActual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rule 34 at it's finest.
KungFuher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/evenwithcontext
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can dig that
Thepowerisreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're the bullet she dodged.
Sigilus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I'm curious as to how you managed to find that out
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Transformers hentai lmao How did you even find this out?
FeatheredSun ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:15:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great so far! He met his husband that way!
SkyWest1218 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:54:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also curious to know. Dammit, OP, we need answers!
Mr_Eggs ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:46:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do people still think you're gay? or have you embraced the gayness
tntey ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 20:01:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I eventually got a girlfriend but the scent of gay is still on me.
Soulren ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Queer here. Can confirm, I smell it
tntey ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 21:33:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm bisexual, so I want to know, can gay people smell me or am I under the radar?
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:57:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:00:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still wait mine to develope. Maybe your mother can give me some pointers? I could stop accidently oogling hetero men (not that they mind, they don't notice).
popstar249 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:35:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bisexual here, I assume everyone is gay until proven otherwise.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:01:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gay here, I assume everyone is hetero. If they are not, I'm genuinely surprised.
Fickery_dich ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only gay in the village sketches spring to mind.
TheWeinerThief ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:20:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As my friend tells me, he's dropping bait and tracking from a distance. He doesnt believe in bisexuality
JUSTlNCASE ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:14:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf this pisses me off, its so dumb. Just "not believinig" in bisexuality..
frolicking_elephants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you're not straight. I imagine it would be really hard to get people to believe you after that.
finallyinfinite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, is that how gaydar works?
foxh8er ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 23:38:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel old and Iโm not even old
perrumpo ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:10:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. That sounds so bizarre for 7th grade. Remember when we were the youngest people on the internet?
foxh8er ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:10:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I made my YouTube account in 2006...when I was ten...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:52:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I got internet about the year you were born. It was better back then. The before meme times.
edit: a the word
perrumpo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, then never mind what I said. YouTube didnโt exist when I was ten. Only chat rooms.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:09:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The long con
Ky__ ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:22:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
7th grade? how long ago was this?
Vatlol ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 22:25:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not long ago since she had gay apps on her phone.
popstar249 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:36:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a little disturbing that 7th graders are on these hook up apps. They can be incredibly predatory.
LOAARR ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:08:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, I'm old. Phones didn't start having apps until I was out of high school.
doot_doot ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:46:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a way this makes me really happy because Iโm assuming youโre quite a bit younger than me and now itโs not that big of a deal to be gay in middle school. When I was in school, kids were tormented endlessly if they were gay, and it was a favorite insult of every bully at school. Makes me happy that now there are middle schoolers who arenโt terrified of being called gay or being bullied for it.
ACoderGirl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:20:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I was bullied that way in HS. But jokes on them cause now I'm bi and close to getting engaged to the woman I love. Now I totally own that shit.
doot_doot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:42:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats thatโs awesome! Really happy for you two :)
chiguayante ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:03:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The straight guy pretending he's gay to get a girl (heh) thinks being into robot porn is too good for him, huh?
tntey ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:10:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man I have to draw the line somewhere
chiguayante ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:13:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't blame you. I don't get robot porn either. The actors seem like they're on autopilot.
bfaithr ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:08:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if youโre also a girl maybe that was the correct way to go
123dasilva4 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:56:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf, what a creepy girl
Fickery_dich ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:49:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a certain... type of female that really fetishises gay men (think of girly nights out in gay bars). And in fairness, other than the individuals out there, nothing is telling these women that that's not ok. Gay men are not toys or fashion accessories- they're just dudes who like dudes.
123dasilva4 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:20:51 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Straight people have so many different forms of creepiness towards LGBT folk...
Fickery_dich ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:55:13 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never really thought much of it before (I'm a straight girl). I never saw the problem with things like token gay best friends etc. Then I read an article a few years ago about the problem with hen dos/bachelorette parties in gay clubs. The gist was: "Please fuck off. This is our space. A gay club is for people to be themselves without judgement. We're not objects for you to gawp at." I then came to the realisation that yeah, some women are really disrespectful towards gay men even if they're not ill-meaning. It's an ignorance problem.
dapipminmonkey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:34:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bloodhound Gang comes to mind... https://youtu.be/xsYi9aWM8Q4
Hardcore90skid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:50:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mayhap she was also a gay?
praisetehbrd ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:06:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah...she sounds like she's gay lol
GhostsofDogma ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:01:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. Some straight girls can get really fucking creepy about gay men. It's a fetish for them.
whydidimakeausername ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:54:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of me, except instead of Jr. High it was college. Ok, Junior college. I thought a good ice breaker to talk to girls was to have a pink spiral notebook with a sticker on it that looked like the CBS logo but said "Constant Boy Search" Looking back on it people just assumed I was gay, but in reality I'm sure no one noticed my notebook at all. Man I was an idiot
BBQ_HaX0r ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:20:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny you should say that. I'm a teacher and I noticed all these girls hanging out with a gay student and wondered if anyone ever did what you did. Funny coincidence. Hope things worked out for you.
TaylorDangerTorres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:48:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How it going, Kickass?
TheNoveltyAccountant ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:30:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this too but it was like 20 years ago and being gay was not as accepted at the time. I never lived that one down even though people knew I wasn't gay.
dpistachio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:58:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People like that are the worst
acEightyThrees ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:32:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't that the plot of Kick Ass?
SlobRobsKnob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me Kick Ass!
SosX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it was obviously the way to go.
Memphisrexjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What year is this
Theeverydaypessimist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read this somewhere before...
eoliveri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this the plot of a teenager rom-com?
trulymadlybigly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been laughing about this for like two hours
fuck_this-bullshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Louis is this you?
MeatMeintheMeatus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:34:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the plot to Kick Ass, except weirder.
pleasehelpssll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If your gay.
Why would you be dating her?
Why would she think a gay person wants to date her?
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She had gay dating apps? She might be gay herself..
leadabae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how did a 12 year old have gay dating apps?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha
pighalf ยท 3144 points ยท Posted at 16:12:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During college in the middle of the semester, I somehow walked into the wrong classroom. Even though I didn't recognize any of the students, I assumed some of the familiar faces that I'd normally see were running late. 5 minutes into the class I realized I wasn't in linear algebra but in some sort of Spanish for advanced kids class. I was too dumb to walk out and ended up even dumber as I remained seated until the class was out.
AntTheMighty ยท 1528 points ยท Posted at 16:32:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck I did this a few weeks ago, you're not alone. Walked in to the room for my next class early and saw it was full and for some reason I assumed that class had already started so everyone stared at me as I grabbed a seat. After a few minutes the teacher stopped lecturing and everyone got up and left while I sat there in shame.
friendsareshit ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 01:49:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First day of classes as a sophomore I strolled into class 10 minutes early, feeling cool, feeling confident, it's the first day but I'm not a freshman anymore, I have no reason to be nervous, I've done this all before, I got it man. The other seats are mostly full but in my head I was just thinking it was other kids that came early. The lecturer stops mid-sentence and says "You here for the 9 o clock?" I'm like "um.. yes?" and she's like "This is the end of the 8 o clock." I just turned on my heels and walked back out the door.
valkea ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 01:55:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this too in second year University. Hurried into class, head down cause shy af. Sit down. Slowly register not my class not my prof. Keep eyes down. Prof finishes and everyone leaves
Later was told that he usually runs late and I confused him so much that he ended early. Oops
ReadWriteRachel ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 01:46:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God, this happened to me in a work meeting the other day! Another group had booked the conference room before mine, and the group already using the room before mine just stared when I strolled in and took my seat like I belonged there. And then my supervisor laughed at me when she came in and saw me sitting in this room by myself. She had definitely seen the other group walk out.
This hurts to type.
[deleted] ยท 132 points ยท Posted at 19:51:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
terminbee ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 09:46:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. I did this with a quiz. It was some engineering class and it was tiny. Like 15 people. I walked in, squeezed through a bunch of people, and then realized the professor is reviewing equations before a quiz. I sit there contemplating whether I should leave, then finally get up and go. Some kids thought I was ditching the quiz.
[deleted] ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 20:42:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
their*
NicooNii ยท -73 points ยท Posted at 23:49:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does it matter?
dellaint ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 23:59:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes..?
NicooNii ยท -56 points ยท Posted at 00:01:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How? He knows what he means, and can read the story. They aren't adding anything to the discussion by correcting grammar.
dellaint ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:18:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Informing people of their mistakes so they can correct them is a good thing to do. Just because it's not particularly important in this case doesn't mean they're wrong for making a correction
NicooNii ยท -48 points ยท Posted at 00:25:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, but they could've added more instead of just saying "their*"
azn_dude1 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 00:46:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What more do you want? A dictionary definition of both words and an example of their appropriate usages?
NicooNii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be better than just adding "their*"
azn_dude1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:18:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, that wouldn't come off as condescending at all. Btw condescending means you talk down to somebody, e.g. explaining them definitions of words they should already know.
NicooNii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey that's a nice story, by the way it's their." Something that adds more to the sentence other than just their.
azn_dude1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:28:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I make a mistake, just tell me what the mistake is, no need to waste both of our times with sugarcoating. Ideally it should go
story with mistake
point out mistake
"thanks, fixed"
and everyone's happy
NicooNii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're completely missing my point.
azn_dude1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:37:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is your point?
K1ngWaffles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:06:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They should have informed him of his failure to capitalize the I in the second sentence?
SighReally12345 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:39:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sigh, really.
His point is a work of modern art. He's masterfully comment after comment shown what a cinder block.
/s
Or there really is no valid point in that sea of foamy santorum.
ChrisTaveras ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:43:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost thought you were a bot
strangled_steps ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:47:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What exactly did you add to the discussion though?
The use of incorrect grammar can throw people, making the story less enjoyable. Imagne tring to read someting litered with grammer mistake,
ODSTWolver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:52:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Littered*
bluefinger321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if srs, retarded, or trying to make a shit joke
ODSTWolver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
PlayingNightcrawlers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? He/she is right it's littered.
bluefinger321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was the whole point. Re read that last sentence.
PlayingNightcrawlers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh jeez I skimmed that last sentence and litered was the only thing that stuck out to me. Fuck.
Aeriyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually only realized that wasn't grammatically correct after reading that a second time. My friends really suck at proper grammar
Kamikrazy ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:42:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And in your tirade against grammar nazis, you have managed to add even less to the discussion. Well done!
NicooNii ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 01:56:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too babe
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:16:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a public service no-one asked for.
ChieftaiNZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if he walks into the wrong class again and has to do an English test?
travel_and_lax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah itโs a test
swifter_than_shadow ยท -24 points ยท Posted at 22:25:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even call this awkward, really. You got there early, might as well find a seat.
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 23:17:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Don't interrupt the previous class, just wait in the hall for a few minutes until they're finished.
swifter_than_shadow ยท -25 points ยท Posted at 00:36:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You folks are strange.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:30:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That isn't awkwardness, asshole, it's basic courtesy. Some dope walking in midway through a class and setting up shop is distracting to the professor and students.
Someguy363 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:47:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you calling him an asshole? He wasnโt being rude at all.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:52:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess I don't enjoy being called strange for having some basic manners, not to mention the behavior he's endorsing is certainly asshole behavior.
Someguy363 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 03:08:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What asshole behaviour? Has he called any of you guys a cunt or something? I saw the โYou folks are strangeโ part as a joke, something thatโs not meant to be taken offensively. Itโs like saying โYou guys are weirdโ. Itโs not an insult, itโs a saying.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going into classes that are ongoing and setting up at one of the desks. It's rude to both the professor and the students, and he said he's cool with it. I called him an asshole because he does asshole things.
Someguy363 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:34:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As in, he said itโs fine to do said thing, but thereโs no proof that he has actually done said thing himself, only that heโs cool with it. You can be cool with someone doing something without doing it yourself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, fine. If you condone asshole things, then you're an asshole too. Because even if you haven't done it yourself, you're clearly willing to. Somebody who condones rape or child abuse or any kind of asshole behavior is an asshole. You good now?
Someguy363 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre comparing rape and child abuse to a mild disturbance of 15 seconds.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally didn't compare them, though. If someone condones them, they are an asshole. If someone condones cutting in line, then they are an asshole too. Why am I having to walk you through this right now?
Someguy363 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First off, youโre making a big deal of a student walking in during a test and considering it an asshole move. Iโve seen people walk in during a test, it literally causes no disturbance at all. Half the time you donโt even notice it. Iโve seen students walk in while the teacher was giving a lecture. Teacher literally just glances at them and continues on. Itโs not the same thing as rudely bumping into line because the response isnโt as severe as you believe.
Secondly, youโre assuming that if someone condones something it means they are also willing to do that thing. I couldnโt care any less if you walked in during class, but am I gonna personally do it? No.
nargi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This dude just goes around talking shit on everyone and trying to insult their intelligence.
You're going down the rabbit hole with a reddit troll, just so you know.
Someguy363 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His comment history doesnโt really read troll to me. Heโs either a poor troll, or someone who thinks heโs always in the right. Dudeโs downvote crazy too, will downvote anything you say if itโs against his opinion.
nargi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he's a 21 year old student. That's a big part of it I assume. He probably took a Psych 101 class and now knows about all the inner workings of the human psyche and has to prove it to everyone.
He just tries to insult everyone's intelligence and then, as you pointed out, downvote them to legitimize his comments.
I more meant troll in a "you're wasting your time" sense than him just doing it for the lulz
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Projection? Just because I called you a moron for saying a moronic thing, doesn't mean I ever claimed to have any knowledge of your inner workings. You must realize that going through my comment history and replying to the people I'm talking to, trying to discredit me, is the behavior of an absolute sad sack. You should really get some help if you're this insecure about someone calling you out on the internet.
nargi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you're an infant. maybe your mommy can buy you a book on how to insult people other than calling them a moron. or i'm sure your friends can all give you some ideas while you shotgun natty light.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've insulted you in several other ways so far, but yeah calling me an infant is clearly a genius insult compared to moron. It's funny, because I've only criticized you for the dumbass shit you've said, whereas you're criticizing me literally just for being a student. I couldn't care less about what your age or occupation is, because either way, you're an idiot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Someguy363 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:09:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre falling down the hole yourself my man. Best we just ignore him.
nargi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ you're quite right.
sometimes i get bored and can't help myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you really not realize how incredibly hypocritical you're being? I'm dumb and naiive for saying that you're stupid based on the fact that you said something stupid...but you're an extremely intelligent ubermensch for insulting me based not on things that I've said, but for being a student. Also, don't pretend that any of your tired old insults are somehow creative. You're pretty much just listing college stereotypes while trying to pass yourself off as some silver-tongued devil. It's not convincing.
Someguy363 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good to know. This is why I try to stay out of replying to comments on big Reddit posts, youโll never know who youโll bump into. Cheers friend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't go into a classroom in which you don't belong. It's really that fucking simple. The fact that you're really having this much trouble understanding that very basic tenet of behavior is astounding. Also, I already accepted that perhaps someone might condone something without doing it themselves. Five comments ago. We've moved on from that, but the fact remains that if you condone asshole behavior, you yourself are an asshole.
swifter_than_shadow ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 02:17:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. Groupthink, I think.
swifter_than_shadow ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 02:18:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For like 3 seconds?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:56:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It definitely takes longer than that in a lot of classrooms, and that's discounting lecture halls. Whether or not you want it to be, it's definitely a distraction. Just have a little courtesy, it's not a huge inconvenience for you to wait outside until it's time for you to go inside. Plus, you're really not supposed to be there if you aren't signed up for the class anyway.
swifter_than_shadow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:30:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would it take longer than doors open, student walks to seat, student sits down, class continues? I'm not understanding the amount of hate here.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 seconds would be counting the seat closest to the door, in most classrooms, and you'd have to be quick about it. It often takes much longer to get to a seat, especially if the class is occupied already...and like I said, lecture halls complicate that quite a bit. How about: don't go into a class in which you don't belong. Did you not ever consider that? You're not supposed to be there in the first place, so don't be there. It really is that simple, and yet you're still having trouble with it.
swifter_than_shadow ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seem like an angry person.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably a bit grumpier than usual right now, but this remains such a simple thing. And it's something that I've observed all throughout my schooling, just wait outside until the previous class is done, it's just basic courtesy and everyone in all of my classes has don it. You're not supposed to be there, it's rude, and it's very often a distraction. It's supposed to be an easy decision for you, and yet you refuse to accept it.
swifter_than_shadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry you're feeling grumpy. All of my classes were so lax about this, people came and went when they needed to, it was never really a distraction. People would sometimes come in, go to the back, and open a book or something, clearly waiting for the class to end.
Tallon5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If every person came a couple minutes early and thought like you, it would be progressively more disruptive.
Hesione ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what happens when you walk in more than ten minutes early
CampFlogGnaw1991 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:53:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i did this exact thing 2 weeks ago, no shame
KennyFulgencio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:54:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, shame.
(at least for me. when I've done it. And remembering it eternally afterward.)
TinkeringNDbell ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:54:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck I did this in high school! Only I got my days mixed up (A days and B days type thing) so instead of walking into what I thought was my first period class of algebra, I wound up sitting through calculus...i actually did all the classwork handed out but just dropped it the recycling box on my way out. The funny thing is that my teacher noticed my mistake AND me dropping the classwork in the recycling box so she took it out after class and graded it anyway, giving me my graded calculus papers the next day...I got a 100% btw
hollowmoon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:29:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still have nightmares about this. Standing in the hallway of my high school (that no longer exists), while people shuffle past me, trying to remember what day it is, what period it is, do I have gym or health class next? Oh shit, what the fuck is my locker combination?!
Devils_Advocaat_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:19:36 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this too, but the teacher was a total dick and called me out on it, so i slunk out of the classroom in shame.
ISAPS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:05:18 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I did the exact same thing. Super confidently too and then realized my shame and just clammed up.
cerberdoodle ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 16:44:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you're grown up and working in a sprawling multinational corporation, you you may find yourself doing this with other peoples' meetings too. The best way to survive is to wait it out, nodding enthusiastically and taking notes or making affirmative gestures with your hands.
Superbead ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 20:01:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this a couple of weeks ago โ it was the right room and I recognised a couple of the faces through the window in the door. I assumed they were fifteen minutes early like I was so I strolled in there and plonked myself down.
A couple of minutes in I realised it was the end of a completely different meeting about another department's part of the new system I was there to discuss, but nobody said anything, so I just waited it out. A couple of them looked really confused.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:20:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have enough seniority to pull this off, and to top it off my unit often joins other random departments for meetings because we're internal support. I've definitely wandered into a random meeting, nodded and drank some tea, while letting my colleagues wonder whether I was actually supposed to be there or not.
"it's ok I'm just here for audit"
"oh ok no problem"
oculus_1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:32:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ultimate excuse
bennyd45 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:59:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a HUGE corporation, Like 10,000 + employees spread all over the city. One of those places where you would walk through the company and might not see ANYONE you knew. Well, I was part of an engineering design group, which had maybe 30 members from all over the different parts of the company. We'd have meetings like once a week and we knew each other pretty well. So, one day, about 20 minutes into the meeting, this guy that nobody knows comes in, sits down in the back, pulls out a notepad and sits there. After awhile it became apparent that he didn't belong there and the organizer stopped the meeting to ask if maybe he was in the wrong room or something. His response was, and he was VERY up front about this, was that he would just pick a random meeting to go to and sit in on them. He figured that since the company was so huge no one would ever know. He went through his day like this and I guess his department thought he was incredibly busy because he was always heading off to another meeting. Things got a little awkward after we asked him to leave. While most of my group was super annoyed that someone would get away with this on company time, I was, honestly, kind of impressed!
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:22:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude does it all the time but doesn't have go-to excuses, and then blows his own cover? Amateur.
Mine is "it's ok i'm just here for audit, carry on", which often elicits "oh ok no problem".
jpallan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:29:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it was actually your meeting, you'd be mostly ignoring it while playing with your laptop. Enthusiastically taking notes seems like the worst way to stay under the radar.
chillylint ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:15:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom's boss once walked into a meeting he wasn't supposed to be in, so he walked confidently up to the person conducing the meeting, and loudly whispered, "I took care of that urgent matter you asked me about earlier." And walked back out.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:18:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'm already subscribed to r/youdontsurf and r/wtfstockphotos, thanks
dragonandante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... jazz hands?
richardsuckler69 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:57:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the real LPT is in the comments
[deleted] ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 16:27:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
farmtownsuit ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:22:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Please translate this passage"
"Uh... if you've got a matrix I can perform a translation on it. That's what we're here for... right? And why are you asking in spanish?"
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 19:01:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ยฟDonde estรก la biblioteca?
gottabelenny ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:59:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A la derecha Del mercado.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:24:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
De nada
farmtownsuit ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:21:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No you're supposed to say Gracias.
pablossjui ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:27:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gracias
farmtownsuit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:02:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
De nada
aeouo ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:24:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if they did and he just didn't understand?
livintheshleem ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 16:57:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my fear every day, every class, every year of college. So if I got to class early I would just "casually" wander around the halls until the professor or a classmate I recognized went in and sat down/
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:05:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:16:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how come there were two 6th periods though?
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:03:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:39:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ohh i got it. that's pretty mean of him though
topaz_b ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:41:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me? Because I did that all the time, from middle school on. I'm pretty sure teachers saw me determinedly strolling the other way waiting for someone else to show up first.
XStitchSublimateRage ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:56:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I transferred to another high school in Grade 10, and I didn't know anyone there. So, the second day, I headed to French, and as I walked in the door I was like, "These classmates look different than the ones from yesterday..." Turns out that my high school, for whatever reason, switched Periods 3 and 4 every other day - I should have been at my Period 4 class! I can't recall how I figured it all out, I just remember being so confused.
LadyofTwigs ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:58:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Second or third week of class this semester, me and three other classmates ended up going in ten minutes late to class because we showed up a couple minutes late and the teacher wasnโt in the room (she had passed out a worksheet and then went to a side room) and none of us could recognize any of the students inside. We didnโt go in until the teacher came back and we recognized her.
Then a couple weeks ago, I accidentally prevented most of my math class from entering the class because when I peeked in I saw several student who looked like they were focusing very hard on what I assumed was a test. So every time another student came in I said โtheyโre taking a test.โ This lasted until there was about 20 of us outside the door and then our teacher came and was like โtheyโre still in there??!โ Turned our it was three classmates all on their phone or something, all in direct view of the door when I cracked it open. Oops.
trainbrain27 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:03:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat through a five hour capstone teaching course because I was in the wrong room. Afterward, the teacher asked why I didn't leave, but I didn't want to disrupt class. It was in my major area, and I did take it at the proper time (just before student teaching).
kim_jong_ill3st_ ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:09:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive done this too. Best trick is to act like youre getting a phonecall and walk out of the room. And never look back
Bagelmaster8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:37:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh, that's good
Rebelgecko ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:59:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you go back for your backpack later, or just cut your losses and buy a new one?
kim_jong_ill3st_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring yours with you, just gotta be quick about it before anyone can really notice what youre doing
jimbob6886 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:36:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I did literally the opposite. Probably the 2nd week of school I walked into my study hall classroom when it had already started, didn't recognize anyone for some reason, and walked out. When I walked away from the classroom it hit me that I actually DID recognize some people.
Instead of going back I just ditched class. On the outside I assume it looked like I stepped in the room, decided "wait, nah, not today" and just walked out lol
heliotarra ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:02:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That has happened to me so many times. I just usually walk in the door realize I donโt recognize anyone turn around and leave. Usually happened before classes had started so it wasnโt a big deal. One time the teacher was in the middle of a lecture so I just opened the door , realized what was going on, apologized quickly to the teacher, did a 180 and disappeared. So embarrassing I donโt think I made eye contact with anyone, was probably red as a tomato.
BeerNcheesePlz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:35:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate did this in a 3 hour lecture class... she ended up missing 2 classes instead of just getting up and walking across the hall.... it was an auditorium class too so the professor probably wouldn't of notice 1 student out of 200 leaving.
Vince__clortho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:57:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"ยฟDonde esta la biblioteca pighalf?"
"Si"
chris10237 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:28:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me on the first day of the semester last year haha. Had Linear Algebra at Major Williams Hall, walked into Williams Hall. Teacher said "hola" to me and I just thought my new math teacher was quirky, so I said "hi" back. She insisted I say hola back to her and that's when I realized something was up. Luckily class hadn't started yet so I left with an "adios" to the teacher.
ferrettt55 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:02:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost did that. Somehow misread my clock and missed my class by an hour. Sat down, teacher started handing out study guides or something. I thought we had a substitute or something. Start reading the paper and think "Wait. I already passed Calculus 2..."
Put the paper in my bag, got up, and left. And thank goodness I left when I did. Any longer, and it would've been pretty awkward.
Pseuzq ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:02:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, once I was looking for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in a complex that had a lot of medical offices. After a bit of sleuthing, Wingman Mom and I thought we'd found it!
I walk in and see a very empathetic looking woman working the whiteboard and breaking down anger management issues. "Cool Man! Got here in the nick of time!" thinking simultaneously wow this isn't a typical AA meeting but Group Conscience so whatever.
The other thing I noticed is unlike other AA meetings that are virtual snack-fests, with a Costco cake, Twizzlers, the PG&E guy's Little Ceasar's Pizza and Sara P. 's tomatoes, this one had individually labeled bag lunches!
Turns out, I had inadvertently wandered into the Mills Peninsula Hospital Outpatient Substance Abuse program. And those "catered lunches"? Piss cups!
KaitRaven ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:35:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. You reminded me of a horrible incident I had in college. I fell asleep in the middle of a lecture, and when I woke up, it was a different class. And the lecture hall was packed. Like people on either side of me. So all these people walked in and saw me dozing, and even had to sit right next to me. Oh and when I woke up my mouth was hanging open.
I was so mortified I basically jumped up and ran out of the lecture hall, and I could feel a hundred pairs eyes on my back.
drEngfer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. As a senior, no less. In my defense, I had never been in that particular building before and I automatically went to the one lecture hall that there was. Yeah.. My class was somewhere in the basement. It was some advanced econ class and I was signed up for anthropology. Sat through the whole thing.
lapotronic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in college right now, there's a couple days a week where I have two classes on the same floor of the same building. The rooms look identical.
I've gotten them mixed up so often that one of the professors from a class I'm not even in has started to recognize me :/
bobers654 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:37:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me guess... You stayed in that class because itd be embarassing if anyone realized you were in the wrong class or dropped the class because you suddenly didnt show up?
TheProtractor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:44:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just in case this happens again just say "Una disculpa pero me acabo de orinar y necesito retirarme de la clase" it means "I apologize but I made a mistake an I'm in the wrong classroom"
oculardrip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One semester all of my classes were in a building that was just a circle and all the classrooms looked the same. The entire semester I would just wait to see someone I recognized and then follow them into the right classroom. On the day of the final exam I was a little late so there was nobody in the hall but I followed a guy I thought I recognized into the wrong class. I asked if it was the right class and he was like 'no, you f'n stoner' - he definitely had me pegged.
angry_orange ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:04:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something like that happened to me but worse. Went to school for pharmacy. After a couple of years, everyone knows each other and students from older years get to know you too.
I was running late and was rushing. Ended up entering a classroom, scrambling for a seat and making a scene. After all that, one of the kids were asking why I came into the class. I had to walk out and listen to a crowd of laughter.
GotHamm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:24:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last year towards the end of the year we had a guy do the same thing but he left. He went through like 30 minutes and he just quickly walked out. The teacher didnโt say anything to him until he left and then she just started cracking up and hitting her desk.
fish1197 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ahhh the classic pam beesly
Animist_Prime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I didn't walk into the wrong room, I did think I was late to one of my classes. Door was closed and there were people standing around it but dumb freshman me thought I was just a few minutes late and I got in, saw class had "already started" and went to the back row. I started getting the feeling something was wrong when the professor said...ooooook....when I walked in and sat down. Pulled out my notebook and looked at the board and realized I was in a quantum mechanics class. Freshman bio major, no way I am in a QM class.
wpants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:49:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing happened to this kid in one of my classes. We were required to bring two things in for our final exam and this kid walked in a bit late with neither of the things he needed to bring in. The professor then proceeds to make him stand up and announce to our 400 person lecture class what he did and what he forgot. shortly after upon starting the exam, he then gets up and leaves the room having realized he had come into the wrong classroom while the entire lecture hall busts out in laughter
gosugenji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:59:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing, stupid robot me walked to a class I took last semester around the same time in the evening. I sat down, saw the powerpoint come on for a different subject, and noped the fuck outta there.
theoknem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this in middle school once, our class was in Room 5 for Modern History but sometimes we have it in Room 4, so the whole class watched as I walked into Room 4, took a few awkward seconds to realize that I was in the wrong class then backed out only to see my actual class cracking up
jackielynn42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:14:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I did this but it was during the final so I literally just took a final for another class. The teacher emailed me saying he didnโt know who I was, but he graded my final anyway and to let him know if I wanted it back. I ignored that email.
CrimsonAres ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:51:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not alone. It was raining one day, during my freshman year in college, and I walked a girl, who I thought had for my algebra class, to class. She didn't have an umbrella but I did. Turns out she did have a math class but it wasn't algebra. I just stayed there for the whole class and put my head down while she talked to a friend of hers the whole time, not saying a word to me. I even signed into that class when they passed out the sign-in-sheet. I ran into her multiple times after that. Neither of us saying a word about it and just sharing an awkward glance at each other. Thankfully I haven't seen her since.
Edit: grammar/a word
Steven054 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this; I walked in expecting a boring Calc 3 lecture but it turned out I was a hour early and instead was in a class about cows. I was in the middle of a row, there was no way I was going to get up and leave, so I ended up taking a quiz about cows and turning it in with a fake name written at the top.
Supah_Andy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to me once too. It was only the second day so I didn't really think twice about how I didn't recognize anyone. The teacher even said something along the lines of "if you're not in English you're in the wrong class." Someone even took that opportunity to get up and I thought "what a dumbass." Well turns out this was English 102, I was enrolled in English 101 right next door. But by the time I figured it out it would have been too awkward so I just pretended to take notes for the entire class.
destinyymoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone did this about 3 weeks into the semester. He walked into our room and stood there for a good 10 seconds. It was a small class 400 level bio course and weโre all seniors who know each other. My friend ended up yelling โhe doesnโt even go here!โ
I hope he got the joke and it doesnโt haunt him.
Dirus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat in a class for 20 minutes once, before I realized this is the wrong class.
seeyagoodbye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:48:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this but the class was full and I couldn't get out so I hid in the back row sitting on the floor so I didn't open the loud door again. Let out a couple minutes later and everyone just stared at me Asian squatting on the floor in the back.
Reizo123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, reading this has just brought back a memory I totally forgot about.
Iโd just started high school, I was in my second week. Iโm not paying attention and just casually walk into what I thought was my class. Iโm about 5 paces into the room before I actually look up at my surroundings. Thereโs a classroom full of students who were obviously mid-lesson and a teacher glaring at me.
The teacher rather angrily asks me what the hell Iโm doing (in hindsight, she was a bit of a dick about it). I just panic. I can feel the blood rushing to my face as I turn red. What happened next still makes me cringe to this day.
I cried. I donโt know why. Sheer embarrassment, coupled with the stress of starting high school, coupled with the teacherโs angry demeanour and the thought of getting detention within my first two weeks. The whole class laughed. The teacherโs attitude suddenly changed and she walked me outside of the room.
As it turns out, there was a typing error on my timetable. I went exactly where I was told to go, it wasnโt even my fault.
Needless to say, I was never one of the popular kids at school.
speedchuck ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:24:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked in to one of mine. "Wow, this Chemistry class has a lot of girls! How odd."
It was a nursing class.
astute_potato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few weeks ago I thought I had walked into the wrong classroom because I didnโt recognize anyone. I got up and went out in the hall to check the room number, my schedule, the date, the time...realized I was in the right room, I just suck at recognizing the people who sit behind me every day. I ended up walking around the hall for a few minutes so it wouldnโt be so obvious what Iโd done.
avacatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of a time in high school where I was really sleep deprived and thought I was late to a class. I stand in front of the door and see the room full and my teacher teaching and think oh shit I'm really late. I bust in there, all eyes on me and the teacher asks what I'm doing and I learn this was the previous class in session before mine. I had come early. I left but it was so embarrasing having that convo while everyone was looking at me while I was so anxious about being late.
PanickingTastefully ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no... I just remembered I did something similar in ninth grade. I was rather socially awkward and suffered from anxiety, which just made it all worse. I was a bit late for class, had a bad day, so I just pulled up my hood and shuffled in by an empty table. It took me maybe five minutes to realise that 1. It was the wrong teacher and 2. Everyone around me was three years younger. And of course I was sitting in the front row. Nobody said anything as I awkwardly got up again and left. Teacher kept going like nothing was wrong.
BrushedYourTeethYet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this, and I think it was a group of people who all go through the same classes over the year cause I heard people laugh when I came in... half way through an optometrist lecture (I studied social work).
kdub428 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ME TOO! My senior year of college I had to finally take a science class since I was an international studied major. I signed up for intro to computer science for non-CS majors. On the first day of class, I went and sat through about 1.5 hours of a class until the professor finally handed out the syllabus for an advanced robotics class. Instead of leaving, I just sat there for the class to finish and tried to talk to no one, even though everyone was trying to talk to me and I was the only girl. Silver lining - my intro class seemed SO easy learning about excel formulas after that.
big-splat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once, I just sat there until I got a phone call from the correct tutor. Did it again another time and ended up in a student council meeting.
Binski12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:03:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not just you, last week i sat through a whole "First year experience" class when i should've been in Biology... took me 45 min to notice
Iktoyman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:33 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. I did this on my first day of the second semester of college. I was looking for my Volleyball PE class on the University field. I asked some students in their PE uniform where my class was and they just pointed me in a direction, and so I went. I sat in with the first class I saw, only to find out later that this was a Football PE class. Instead of telling the instructor that I was in the wrong class and looking for the correct one, I ended up spending the entirety of the class being assigned a team, and doing drills with my new "teammates".
Needless to say, I never did find my correct PE class and ended up failing PE for that semester.
somechick_92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:56 on October 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also did this, I was starting Uni a week later than everyone else and somehow managed to stuff up my first class starting time by an hour....instead of attending a lecture about strategic Branding, I sat through an hour of a graduate accounting lecture because I didnโt want to be that person in the wrong class. Doing this also caused me to miss the tutorial that was directly after the lecture I should have been at.
Was tempted to quit my entire attempt of starting University at 25 after that first day!
Hemingwhyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, I did this once too. Got a T/TH class confused with a M/W class... realized it almost right away but not before I had been spotted by one of my best friends at the time. Rather than being like โwhoops wrong class!โ I sat next to them through the entire 1.5 hour class.
I completely lied to them later & told them I dropped for a different section because of a waitlist or something, it was embarrassing but no one ever knew..
Avatar-State ยท 7755 points ยท Posted at 16:10:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said bye to someone and we both walked toward the elevators in the hospital. It was just too awkward for me so I proceeded to take the stairs down 12 flights instead...
Edit: There was only one elevator in that wing of the hospital so I didn't want to just go down a few floors because I might run into them again. I also didn't want to have to wait for the elevator to go down and then come back up again.
Blacksyte ยท 3711 points ยท Posted at 18:23:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of leaving work with a co-worker I know is walking to the same subway station I am. I don't want to small talk about the day we both just experienced at work for the 2-3 blocks it takes to get to the subway. So I once just said, "Let's just have a gentlemen's agreement that we don't need to talk to each other from here on out." They were completely agreeable to that.
Edit: Well, I surely didn't expect this kind of response. But I did want to reply to those who think headphones are the answer. Do you realize how awkward it is to be nearly walking side by side with someone with your headphones in but assuming they may start talking at any minute? I would say for your own piece of mind, state your terms and be free of the social misstep that could possibly ensue. Cheers all.
farmtownsuit ยท 892 points ยท Posted at 21:18:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college I lived off campus my senior year a few block away from a professor's house. One day leaving campus for the day we basically converged on a point from 2 different directions at the exact same time and now walking the same direction right next to each other as the walk to our houses is identical until he gets to his. Had to take my headphones out and everything. It was awful. Amazingly that only happened once all year despite us both being walkers between campus and our house.
Penis-Butt ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 21:58:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You gotta stop to tie your shoe or check something important on your phone in these situations.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:18:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're walking with someone and they stop to tie their shoe, do you just... keep walking? "Just leave me behind, it's okay!"
Penis-Butt ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:59:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot to mention this is a pro-move. You have to learn to recognize these situations 10-30 seconds in advance without giving the appearance that you have noticed them. Become a master of your peripheral vision. Identify potentially awkward interactions before they can begin and then execute your escape plan before it's too late. Know who is around you at all times and where they are traveling with relation to your own course, and not only will you have the situational awareness of a secret service agent, you will also be able to avoid 2 minutes of awkward chitchat with Scot (with one "T") from IT.
mumblingstumbler ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:55:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah if I was walking with someone and their shoe lace came undone, I'd stop and wait with them while they did it up.
Bobbled_It ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 22:29:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or โ gasps โ talk to them!
[deleted] ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 23:26:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SirQuay ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:39:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to talk to him.
elaerna ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:47:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Youโre
JumpingSacks ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:28:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yor
Impregneerspuit ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work with two talking wierdos, one is religious and the other is an idiot. I like to start up debate topics and let them compete on who says the dumbest things untill they're just yelling. then I score them on participation.
carverthekid ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:41:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. God, this guy could have actually been interesting. Why would you reject that experience for yourself?
[deleted] ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 22:50:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MelvintheMIU ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:20:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Touchรฉ
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:41:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ButtSmokin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/0Gkhol2Q1og
BeaversandDucks2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:39:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/I_have_no_asshole
I found your uncle.
Penis-Butt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:44:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No relation, but he sounds like an alright guy.
ifyouareoldbuymegold ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 22:25:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because the rest of occasions he succeeded in avoiding you.
farmtownsuit ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:58:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good on him
B0Bi0iB0B ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:28:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I often wonder about this sort of thing. There have been many, many times that I see someone I know but don't want to talk to or maybe just don't know them well enough, so I look elsewhere, change directions, or pull out my phone to avoid them. I know I'm not alone in this, so I wonder who the people are in my life that do this to me.
Lostsonofpluto ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:42:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was living off campus last Semester and had to take a bus into my University every day. well it turns out, my English Prof takes the same bus as me so while I don't know if we were ever on the same bus, one particular incident resulted in us meeting on the way. The bus we take happens to go up a pretty steep hill and this city got fucked by snow the previous night. As a result, the buses are being re-routed around this hill and its a solid KM walk to the nearest stop we can catch it at. As a result, we ended up sharing a cab
SHMUCKLES_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had one of my old professors catch the same bus as me from the same bus stop, dude was a chain smoker, smelled of death and ash. He looked like he was 86 but with the amount of ciggies he smoked Iโd be suprised if he was a day over 40.
Fuck you Bob you were a dick
bossdogs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:53:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh twice in the last week I've inadvertently caught the tram home for 30 minutes with the professor who will be deciding my academic future in a years time, and I absolutely suck at small talk- even about my studies. It's been agonizing.
contrarequialla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He probably started hiding in the bushes every time he saw you after that
farmtownsuit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:02:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fine by me
yourrabbithadwritten ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:39 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few years back, my mom wanted to make a cake that had some cognac in the recipe, so she gave me a bit of extra grocery money to buy some.
There was a nice big supermarket close to my university, and I often bought groceries there, so I bought the cognac there too.
So there I go to the cash register line, and right next to me in the line is our English professor... I think I should rephrase that: our exchange professor from England.
(I don't know how is this a thing, by the way. And no, he didn't actually teach English - he didn't know enough Russian to do that. I think he taught History of Mathematics. But that's not really related to the story.)
So anyway, there he is in the line, and he proceeds to notice the cognac in my cart and ask me about it. Politely. In English.
(I regularly talked to him in English at university, because I wanted to practice the language and he seemed like a nice guy.)
I think I did manage to explain about the cake, but it was still awkward as ch*rp (about the most awkward that I can recall myself ever feeling).
monkeyman512 ยท 278 points ยท Posted at 21:23:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I neither require nor reject conversation, but small talk is waisted effort."
zombiegamer101 ยท 250 points ยท Posted at 21:41:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So are belts
LadyFrey ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:56:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part of me thinks this you and the previous commenter are the same person... I mean, you've got the same username format (word, word, three numbers) ;p
zombiegamer101 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:58:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Username was originally going to be hdgross but someone stole it.
LadyFrey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:14:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hehe. Just a coincidence then. My bad XD
monkeyman512 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 22:25:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are lying, we are the same person.
RickHedge ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:45:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just different personalities
LadyFrey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah here, lads. Make yer mind up!
CurioustheCat15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this.
iRepth ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:56:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit that's awkward
Penis-Butt ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:56:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something Larry David would do.
Satellitegirl41 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:29:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's actually a Mr Show sketch about two people who see each other after a long time and then they keep going in the same direction after they say goodbye. They then have to keep saying goodbye awkwardly over and over. It's hilarious.
bg-j38 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:51:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the opposite of this recently. I went out for lunch and just grabbed some stuff to go from this buffet place. It always gets cold if I wait to get to the office, so I just eat and walk. As I'm approaching the front of our office I see one of my coworkers coming from the opposite direction. We'd both get to the door at the same time and I didn't want to have a conversation about the food I was eating. So I quickly crossed the street in hopes he wouldn't see me. I then walked around the block just to make sure I didn't bump into him if the elevator was delayed. I actually really like this guy too.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:13:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I changed shifts at work to an hour earlier and started bumping into a guy walking his dog early in the morning. I love dogs, but not enough to start being friendly with strangers in order to pet the dogs. Alas, this guy was a friendly fucker and after a few weeks, we upgraded to polite nods, which I was fine with... but then the bastard stopped to introduce himself.
I changed my walk to work and added an extra 10 minutes to my journey just to avoid him.
Doctor__Proctor ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:55:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I always have headphones. Wait for a lull, then commence the sweet bliss of forgoing social interactions.
jlobes ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:56:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you an engineer?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:37:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some fine subtlety there. You're definitely not an engineer.
Yerboogieman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:48:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something I might say, but wouldn't want to sound awkward.
FeatheredSun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:14:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I saw someone from my work walking away from work in the direction I was, and I made conversation, trying to be friendly.
But she seemed kinda uninterested, so rather than risk the creepy "that guy is still walking behind me" situation, I said bye and doubled my speed.
I actually do this by default when there's a woman walking near me. I out-walk them and get/stay ahead.
Angsty_Potatos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had the same interaction w my co worker. She was so relieved I suggested it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finally, some common sense!
biogirl52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I take the duty of pretending I don't see co-workers outside of work very seriously.
wangers_is_asian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just put on some headphones.
responsortunity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever read.
THEDrunkPossum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ballsy, I like your style.
Pachi2Sexy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You made it sound cool, therefore it worked. I'm going to use that forever now.
MJ17X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my co-worker?
ArcanaSilva ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I made this appointment as well, but just as a silent agreement. A friend of mine in high school, same year, same class, lived about fifty meters apart from me. We always took different routes to school to avoid each other in the morning and would alway cycle back together. We were friends, but mornings are just not for socializing...
blhoward2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I keep headphones in during my commute on the subway and walking to my office, even if off. If I want to talk I take them out, otherwise I just wave and act like Iโm super interested in what Iโm listening too.
Ianl951 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy cow! Just saying exactly what you mean?!? What an absolute madman!!
CileTheSane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The world needs more people like you.
redditorsofthesesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Out of interest, do you live in New York? Are there more subways in the states than just in NY?
Blacksyte ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:59:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did, yes.
FluffyToughy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:45:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a saint.
chrisannunzio ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 19:27:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
bonus points: Said 'bye' walked the same way, took the stairs one floor down and caught the same elevator they were on.
SanDanders1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:34:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that before
KennyFulgencio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:20:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
please tell me you haven't really
SanDanders1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much.
DeepRoot ยท 222 points ยท Posted at 16:19:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"LOL! I said 'bye' and we're going the same way. Silly me." That would equate to no stairs.
Ohmigoshnids ยท 205 points ยท Posted at 16:24:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think most of these would have had a pretty simple solution, the point is people are awkward and do completely random/dumb things because of their awkwardness that looking back on make no sense
DeepRoot ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:16:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, right, and I caught that. I was hoping that, w/ my quote, the next awkward person that was in that situation would remember and avoid having to take the stairs.
some_cool_guy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:21:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah usually when im caught sitting between bushes watching people come in and out of a party in a halloween costume, i just tell them lol its a prank and its all gravy.
Rough_Cut ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 16:33:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to get into the elevator with them and be like
"OH HEY long time no see! Man, it's been ages, how have you been?"
financialanon ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 19:18:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey everybody...look at this normal person over here with the fancy social skills!
DeepRoot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:20:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was not my point at all, it was a suggestion.
financialanon ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:31:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im just messing around. Its a good suggestion.
PRMan99 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:26:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Actually, you know what? I'll walk down with you..."
Turnbills ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:55:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh you're going this way too, how about that! ... so...do you... eat?"
Spik3w ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:20:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I like breathing what about you? "
fearmypoot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:18:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm picturing myself walking down a flight of stairs to call the elevator, only to find them in the elevator and having to ride down 11 floors awkwardly with them
wtfpwnkthx ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:58:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fix to that is "Well hello again I guess" and continue your conversation. They feel just as awkward about it so by acknowledging it first you look heroic as fuck.
We are all awkward as shit...some of us just hide it a little better.
thelonelywolf17 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:04:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO I did this like 4 years ago when I said bye to my friend at school. We both had to take the bus but I didn't want to be awkward so I walked the other direction and had to wait for the next bus in 1 hour
Dyvius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a reason you just didn't go down one flight, pause, and then take the elevators on the floor below?
Avatar-State ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:20:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So that hallway only had 1 elevator so I didn't want to walk down and either 1) run into them 1 floor down or 2) wait for them to go to whatever floor they were going to and for the elevator to make it's way back up to floor 12 so I can take it down. I chose the extra leg day instead
balaenopteraz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I changed my route significantly in order not to go past the hairdresser's I've been to earlier that day because I didn't know if I should say hi again.
ACoderGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:32:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you have to say hi when walking past a place of business?
balaenopteraz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There were employees smoking outside. I've been their client since I was a child.
I can see now that my initial comment seems a bit weird.
Nw5gooner ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:14:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an estate agent this shit happens multiple times a day.
Nowadays as I'm shaking hands outside I just ask people which way they're about to go because I want to avoid that awkward walking in the same direction after saying goodbye thing. Everyone appreciates it.
antiquarked ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading all of these is actually making me appreciate working years of front-end customer service jobs. Not sure if it beat the awkward conversation out of me, or just my ability to care, but I forgot how much anxiety these situations used to give me.
I fucking hated always being stuck at the guest services desk but I guess some good came out of it...
ArchSchnitz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:31:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar where I was talking to a group of friends, all heading to the same place. I said bye at the elevator. Then I went to the stairs and fucking sprinted to the floor they were going to so I could stalk past, glowering, when the doors open.
It gets better! They were going up six floors.
mementomori4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least it was on the way down... Walking up 12 flights would suck way more.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were so embarrassed you died and went to the morgue.
yoshi_win ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is when you go down 1 floor then meet them in tge elevator
neocommenter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:36:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a horror story for you: A guy who lives on the same floor as me left his place at the same time I did on a beer run. He was walking to the same store as me, and when we both got there we went to the same beer cooler at the same time. What are the odds?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here, I'll write this out into a script for you, between Jim and Nancy
Nancy: Well, it was good seeing you, Jim.
Jim: You too, Nancy. Take care.
Nancy: Bye.
Nancy and Jim both take a step and a half towards the same elevator, and Jim pauses and looks in both directions.
Jim: Oh, were you...going...
Nancy: Uh, yeah...were you?
Jim: Oh, uh....no. I was, I had to go just down....here.
Nancy: Oh ok...
Jim awkwardly turns towards where he was just coming from and stares at his feet, sweating profusely. Meanwhile, Nancy grinds her teeth as she presses the elevator button and waits for it to "ding," trying not to look up from her shoes.
The elevator finally arives and Nancy glances up one last time out of instinct, only to see Jim had turned towards her with his hands in his pockets, hoping she had gotten on the elevator down already. Nancy pauses and holds the elevator door open.
Nancy: Um....did you need to go down?
Jim: Oh well, nah....no. I had a thing then I was just going to take the stairs down.
Nancy: From the 10th floor?
Jim: Yep...good exercise, you know.
Nancy steps into the elevator as Jim disappears from sight through the stairwell doors and the elevator closes, sending her down.
alphadynasty ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:23:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could have just gone one flight down then got the elevator from there. Save you a lot of cardio
IDontCareAtThisPoint ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:22:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then they time it wrong and get on the elevator the other person is still on.
PangolinMandolin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, you could've just gone down like 2 flights and waited for the next lift!
Avatar-State ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:27:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was only one elevator for that wing of the hospital haha
Avatar-State ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:28:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was only one elevator for that wing of the hospital haha
DiscoTut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/39OtMKfAY0Q?t=1256
lizzstar13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, at least you got some exercise out of it
numberninemac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something Iโd do, but Iโd just go down the hall and wait a bit until I heard the elevator doors close, and then come back and wait for the next elevator.
LuxNocte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really, you just have to take one flight of stairs.
flume ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pro Tip: If this happens with a friend, just confidently declare "Bonus time!" and get on the elevator with them.
Saint-Warrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man this is the worst! This is why I always ask the person which way they are going before saying bye.
Forgot-My-Name_again ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is when you take the stair one flight the other direction and then wait for the elevator to make the rounds. You know which way they were going when they pushed the button to wait for the elevator. If you go the opposite way, you can't run into them until later enough that it isn't awkward.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When this happens to me, I learned that it is best when realizing you are going the same way, to make a joke about it and say "Oh, hi again!" or something similar.
MusteredCourage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Usually when a situation like this happens I'll say something like "hey how's it going it's been a while!" to diffuse the awkwardness
genocideofnoobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of this
Psychonaut0421 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your story reminds me of this
prim3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your username just cracked me up. Next time someone asks me what state I live in, Iโm gonna just say โavatarโ and leave it at that.
aerodynamicvomit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. Stairs > human interaction
shaun894 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know you can just take the stairs to the next floor and take a different elevator...
Cidiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone just did that to me the other day. Took the stairs from the 8th floor when he found out I was getting in the elevator. I have wondered since, what exactly did I do? Did I smell bad? Was there something on my face? This will never stop bothering me.
Needyouradvice93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that before a few times. I usually say, "Quit following me! Hehe. I'm just kidding, were going the same direction huh? Small world.." it gets a laugh about half the time.
Red_Leader20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when I playfully say "you following me?" To get the tension off my chest lol
IMCHAPIN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh you're going the same way."
Just that one phrase works all the time. Maybe try some more small talk. If not, remain silent after acknowledging you are going the same direction. If they feel awkward they will speak anyway.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've definitely done this.
SleepsInOuterSpace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The amount of times I have ran into this situation where I say "take care" or "see you later" and we end up walking in the same direction. I typically just smile and chuckle. Sometimes I'll make a comment similar to this:
"Oh, you're going this way too?"
They respond.
I respond with some variation of "Awesome!"
I guess I just sort of learned to roll with it.
Caleb_Krawdad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not just one flight and catch the next one?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs nice knowing Iโm not the only one whoโs done this.
Ace3695 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I routinely do this with the cfo of my company. 15 flights of circlular stairs and a little vomit is much preferable to a 20 second elevator ride in silence while the guy tries to remember if I even work for him or not.
rolo130 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first weekend at college, I got a pro tip that rush parties served alcohol even if you weren't rushing. So I went and had my fill of booze (second time getting drunk, first time without someone keeping an eye on me). Got thrown out when I tried to lay down on the pool table, took the circuitous route back to the dorms in the pouring rain because I had no idea where the hell I was. After a good drunken wet mile long walk, I got to my dorm about midnight and saw residents in the lobby. I realized I was obviously drunk, and mistakenly thought they'd pick me out in a minute. My school had a three strikes alcohol policy, but I was there on scholarship, and recalled a story where my older cousin lost his scholarship and got thrown out of school when he got caught drinking (though that may not have been the whole story in hindsight). No way I was losing my scholarship before I even went to class, so I went in through the basement and took the stairs to my dorm on the 9th floor. Being fit and young and the right amount of drunk, I barely broke a sweat.
wwwwvwwvwvww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that. Then I just wait until we're in the elevator and say "long time no see!"
Almost always gets a laugh.
KittenStealer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing but instead just stood outside the elevator door like it was full and id get the next one. It was just her and one other person in there.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
super late and maybe already said, but ive done and continue to make this mistake ALL the time. Ive started juat owning it, ill wait a bit say until were both in the elevator and its going down and then do a mocked shocked and excited reaction with a "Hey long time, no way, what the chances of running into each other here of all places? How you been??" They always laugh and it defuses the awkwardness perfectly. Usually roll with it too, or chuckle and say "yea haha" and then theyre the ones who get to feel stupid and awkward >=D
Manwellrogeres ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh the ol' stairs walk of cringe. Working on the 7th floor of an office, I'm quite proficient in this now
Ktopotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband and I do this all the fucking time. We do the big "hugs and kisses and I love yous, goodbye to our son, see you tonight etc" song and dance and then... Well, I'm going the same way, so we cross the street together and walk a couple of blocks before we say goodbye again and go different ways -_-;
At least 2 out of 3 times!
Storytellerjack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why tall buildings need curly slides.
Cerebelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate saying goodbye to someone and then walking in the same direction. I avoid it like the plague.
[deleted] ยท 9092 points ยท Posted at 18:06:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes when I'm alone in a strange place and don't know whether I should go sit somewhere by myself or join a group of strangers, I visit a bathroom, sit in the stall for a while, go outside, visit another bathroom and repeat until a friend shows up or class begins.
Now that I think of it, it is hilariously awkward.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 2748 points ยท Posted at 21:11:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Join a group of strangers? What kind of ultra-extroverted sick fucks do you know who just 'join a group of strangers'? Madness!
Incidentally, I used to bring my gameboy to school and go sit on the shitter (lid down, trousers up) instead of finding somewhere to stand.
EDIT: Holy shit 2.3k up votes. Thanks dudes and dudettes!
Jmscrvnts ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 23:12:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exaclty! Once i read that i was like "the fucking fuck?"
TalisFletcher ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:00:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course. What else would they do?
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:28:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LeafRunning ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 23:32:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk man. Where I'm from, (the UK) it may be different, but it's kinda weird to just go up to a group of people and be like "Hey".
Making friends and forming groups of your own is one thing and normal, and even joining a group if you have an acquaintance, but going up to a group of people you don't know like "Hey, what's up" is just kinda unexpected and doesn't really happen from what I've seen.
[deleted] ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 23:35:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 23:45:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
oxford_llama_ ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:43:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or about Jesus
dezamaan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:18:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that is interesting. My professor was telling us today about his time over in the UK and he said that whenever he went out to eat that people would sit beside you if there were no other seats and he said he met many people that way. I guess I assumed that it was also normal to go up to people and say "hey". That's what I get for assuming.
ashadowwolf ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:58:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same experience here. I think it's a pretty universal thing unless you're already part of a specific group like church or some sort of meetup and just walk up to people who are also there to make friends or whatever.
But if it's school and people already have been in groups for a while, if someone came up to my group and just started talking to us it would be really strange like who is this person?. With groups, you kinda need to be invited or accepted, or it's uncomfortable for everyone
ThorfinnRowle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:09:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UK here too, it isn't that strange. If you smoke asking for a lighter is a good conversation starter. Really depends on confidence.
thevilmidnightbomber ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:19:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a conversation starter? do you have a lighter in your pocket and just want to chat? i find this funny since i smoke to get away from people and chill for 10 mins.
ThorfinnRowle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:22:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a good excuse to talk to someone "hey have you got a lighter?" After that is really up to you how you want to keep it going, a simple "what are you guys up to?/what are you guys doing?" opens up a lot of possibilities. I personally like introducing myself after one or two questions, to make whoever i'm talking to feel a bit more comfortable knowing a bit more about myself instead of just looking like a stranger.
MartelSmurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yah or if he mentions anything, you know about or are interested in work. Lucky for me I'm Canadian and just being friends of the same team helps.
chrisjudk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:29:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tend to just sit alone listening to people's conversations until someone mentions something I know about, then jump in and spend time talking about whatever game/hobby/weird topic I've looked up at 4am instead of sleeping they mentioned. So, I'm the human embodiment of a reddit comment thread
vamoose_adios ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:27:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to smoke right now. Gotta light?
LeafRunning ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:25:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing about confidence to be honest. You've got the wrong idea. I'm not not going up to groups of strangers and saying hi because I lack confidence, I'm not doing it because I have other friends and have no need / want to awkwardly 'butt in' to other peoples conversations. Obviously asking for a lighter is a bit more natural and a way to introduce yourself, but that wasn't what OP was implying.
So you're telling me, if you're sitting at a bench with three of your friends and someone comes up and says "Hey." you're not gonna be thinking in your head like "uhhhhhh what?". Not necessarily be mean or not inviting to the guy / girl, but it'll definitely take me back.
ThorfinnRowle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really depends, when i was at university most people met through smoking, either because they needed a filter or a lighter. Sure if the group is quite big i wouldn't make conversation, but if its 2-3 people trying to be-friend them isn't really that big of a problem. It also depends on age, i wouldn't go up to a 50 years old smoking and try to make friends, i'd limit myself to a similar age as mine. There are a lot of factors to take in count, as i'm imagining it i don't see it as weird but i can completely understand why some people could fine it unusual
Needyouradvice93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea it's the same where I'm from in the US. Unless it's like a cafeteria. I couldn't imagine doing that at a restaurant or something..
CerdoNotorio ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:31:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In one situation is this normal outside of some weird edge cases and networking event. I feel like most people would react poorly if I just jumped into their conversation.
Kroniq_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:39:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, I used to be extremely quiet and shy.
Decided to start talking to random people one day in highschool, and now I could have a conversation with just about anyone, about anything. Made a lot of friends that way too.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:46:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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THE1NONLY1-1 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:57:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People are people, if you introduce yourself and ask in a respectful manner, they are likely to let you join them. If they say no, then no big deal, you didn't lose anything.
People make friends from approaching strangers every single day, it's not like this is some alien concept.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:00:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:04:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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StoopidSxyFlanders ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:10:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's ok I forgive you
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There ya go!
thedaj ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 23:14:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lid down, trousers up
That's the way we level up!
Zachs_Work_Name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clogged up, all alert!
VJoshz ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:30:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spot the brit
AlmightyStarfire ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:31:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you know? O.o
Orut-9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:36:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming it was the use of the word "trousers"
AlmightyStarfire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See, I was thinking it was the bit about not being so uncouth as to move in on strangers.
VJoshz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the strangers part and also the word "shitter" I'm also a Brit:)
AlmightyStarfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaa I thought it was suspicious to be spotted by a yank :) Brits ahoy!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:25:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depends on the situation. Id do this all the time in school. Everyone is my age and as awkward as me so if it's like first day of class I talk to people if they just make eye contact and figure out who actually wants to talk and those are my friends in that class for the semester.
Now if I'm at a bar yea you don't just go and sit at a group of people's table unless you know someone or are like really drunk to the point that they're entertained at least
brickmack ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes it goes ok. A girl sat next to me in the lounge area of my schools engineering building today. I mean, she didn't talk to me or really acknowledge my presence, and she's kind of a weird girl who kept pacing around and visibly stimming, but still, a girl, and a cute girl even. At least she wasn't repulsed by my presence! I consider that progress. But this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't sat down at the big table meant for groups of people (there were no other people when I got there)
AlmightyStarfire ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:44:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was joking. I used to meet strangers all the time as a teenager (every dang day). It wasn't until I became an adult and depressioh/anxiety set in that I stopped talking to strangers. In all honesty it should be easy - most people you'll meet are pretty kind tbh. Ok, maybe not most, there's a lot of dicks out there but there's enough people out there who won't immediately reject you that making friends with strangers should be easy.
bobbybop1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:10:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mum always used to say "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet"
AlmightyStarfire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:12:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to say that, too - then life happened.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:57:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be the ultra extroverted sick fuck :))
mostly at raves tho... and I don.t realise it.s a group of people untill after I have been speaking for like 15mins or so with somebody from that group... And usually they are all chill and friendly when their friend introduces me...
It.s mostly about being honest about your business there.
Soooo my advice is... if you feel like joining a group of strangers... do it!
AlmightyStarfire ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:05:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Eww, raves. I cannot express how much I DON'T miss those. I sometimes miss drugs but I'm glad I never have to go to another rave in my life.
2) Raves/parties don't count. There's the luxury of intoxicants as social catalysts. We're talking sober cold-interactions.
3) See other comment. I was actually joking. I don't make friends with strangers any more but I definitely am capable of it.
SPCGMR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't mind me asking, why don't you like raves anymore? I can't see to get enough of them, and that's even without the drugs lol.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:22:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-Drugs are bad mmmkay -Music is often awful (I'm mostly a metal head tbf; like a lot of electronic but a lot of it is like nails down a chalk board) -Trouble breaks out waaay too often. Either a police kettle or just some jackasses fighting -The drama. Oh my god the drama that goes alongside the rave community. He fucked this girl who fucked this guy who fucked this girl and her sister who sucked off half of London in McDonald's toilets. Don't have time for it. -They were fun at first but they're actually just boiling, smokey, sweaty rooms, packed to the brim with people who think they can dance drooling over themselves.
Never again.
ManicLord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:43:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey, what are you guys doing? Oh really? Well I MUST join you then."
gregpxc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:06:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My only question is - what the fuck school has toilet lids??
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:15:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, your school's toilets didn't have lids? That is so strange to me.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:30:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to Catholic school in England. All the toilets had lids. Granted, half the time they were covered in poo or jizz but hey, at least they were there.
2_lazy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
public school in the USA here, ours also do not have lids.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I insane? Wait, it's worse! I'm that one guy that no one wants to talk to but just randomly goes and butts into the conversation!
HotSauceHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you're brave and fun and interesting.:)
sinister_exaggerator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A chair's a chair man
notmebutjim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ultra-extraverted sick fucks, has a ring to it.
pcnub1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as lid down, trousers down for some reason and I was really bothered by it.
FulvousWhistlingDuck ยท 939 points ยท Posted at 20:40:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't so weird, a bathroom is kind of like a privacy cubicle, after all.
Edit: You know, somewhere to go if you just need a quiet moment to yourself.
sonicboi ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:38:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a nap in a bathroom stall at the V&A in London because I was incredibly jetlagged and couldn't get into my hotel for 6 hours.
ferociousferonia ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:24:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a nap in a school bathroom stall. People got concerned because the stall was locked for so long and eventually someone peeked underneath to see my curled up self.
Teacher knocked down the door. I got a stern talking to. Entire school was convinced I did some heavy duty drugs. Fun times!
LondonPal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a game changer
knuggles_da_empanada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Squidward?
sonicboi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nipples the Enchilada?
admiralfilgbo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:39:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
except now you can't be by yourself because there's some guy hiding in the stall next to you.
theinspectorst ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:16:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The introvert charging station.
starboy404 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:53:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it smells like shit. literally
octopoddle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's your own private world! That's full of shit, with piss on the floor and a hooker's number scrawled on the wall!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:17:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are hanging out where a bunch of people are shitting and pissing and you don't find that more awkward than just sitting in an empty chair somewhere and doing your thing?
mesopotamius ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:19:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, it is definitely pretty fucking weird
stickerless_cubes ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:26:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not really. i've never once gone into a bathroom where someone was shitting and thought "what a fucking weirdo, bet he's just pretending to shit to avoid social interaction"
OmarRIP ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:39:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's so weird that you'd never imagine someone actually doing that unless you read a story about it on Reddit.
stickerless_cubes ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:40:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
honestly I probably will question people's intentions in the bathroom a lot more often moving forward
professor-i-borg ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:15:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please do so as loudly as possible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:58:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nine times out of ten, it's definitely weird to just go to the toilet so you can be alone. Most people won't bother you if you're sitting alone at a table, and if they do it's not like they'll just continue to sit down at your table if you tell them that you wanted to sit alone. There are issues to work out if you find yourself going into a stall just to be alone.
stop_the_broats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or pick your nose, scratch your balls and fart.
Balsakteebaghar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really don't think you should be using the bathroom like that.
harrison1946 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe not so quiet
ddongkkopokbal ยท 1165 points ยท Posted at 21:05:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually not that weird to be honest. I have hit the john before to kill 15-20 mins, maybe squeeze out some cable, take a piss and whatnot; but I've never been john-hopping as it were.
Miller_Hi_Lyfe ยท 526 points ยท Posted at 21:36:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was gloriously worded.
HaakenforHawks ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:21:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well his username is ass explosion...
ipleyvidyagaems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*asshole explosion
stickerless_cubes ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:27:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: if you're too awkward to wait alone, just pretend you're taking a shit until your group arrives
Shloppins ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:30:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not even a bad idea..
FlapYourWingsBoy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:51:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What? Oh no. Just taking a shit. Didn't know you guys came around here! Hey, we should go try out that new Burger place" - guy who continuously sat on a toilet before for 45 minutes
madmaxturbator ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:34:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahah ok I am not making fun of y'all, but sorry - it is fairly weird to go from toilet to toilet because you feel too awkward waiting for a friend.
I think one lesson I've learned is: most probably no one is paying attention. Shit, people reach into other people's pockets, take out their phone and wallet... and still people don't notice.
No one is paying attention to someone standing around just chilling, maybe looking at their phone, etc.
If it's a bar or restaurant with a bar, go to the bar and get a drink (even water). If it's a concert, chill by the entrance and wait for your friends. I promise you no one has ever given a shit... people are doing their own thing.
Cassiterite ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:52:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People will notice, but all they'll think is "that person is waiting for someone"
Hara-Kiri ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:11:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just has some time to kill. Get a pint and browse Reddit for 30 mins, it's not even boring.
uldrenek ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:50:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And here I thought Johns Hopkins was a university.
Irorak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:19:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Squeeze out some cable? Hello fellow human! Im glad im not the only one who has this
malfunctionproblemu38cg2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
do go on
fearmypoot ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:20:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm thinking of the poor kid a little higher up that awkwardly waited for the other person to leave the bathroom before getting up from his shit
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:55:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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Theeverydaypessimist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:18:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you at least become friends?
Needyouradvice93 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:01:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah the other kid scurried the fuck away.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:23:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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knuggles_da_empanada ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:31:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if someone shits next to you?
-p-a-b-l-o- ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:38:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask politely if you can have some for your sandwich
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:37:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
-p-a-b-l-o- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that on campus. I have a couple one-stallers and then bathrooms hardly anyone goes in.
Iamonreddit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:36:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They often don't know each other, they're just talking to new people like the complete no problem task that is at a conference for something you are all interested in.
I mean you literally have your initial conversations outlined for you...
Nomulite ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:38:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. Social anxiety. One of the symptoms is not being able to talk to complete strangers, regardless of shared interests or not.
Needyouradvice93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a big deal to eat alone at a conference. Just pull out your phone and reddit.
sweetcuppingcakes ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 22:46:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first year in college, I took a math class. First day, the professor told us to get into groups of 3 or 4. Everyone immediately formed their groups, but I was too awkward and shy to invite myself into a group so I just sat by myself for that period.
When it was over, I went back to my dorm and dropped the class. Social anxiety is great fun
Alyssaine ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:47:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread makes me feel at ease as someone who also struggles with social anxiety..
FuckUrMana ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This hits home, i abandoned college because every class had some kind of group activity and most of the time i didn't know anyone in that class.
GarbageMemeQueen ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:34:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs literally what Iโm doing now. Hiding in bathroom stall, but a different bathroom than the one I was hiding in 10 minutes ago LOL
BreezyWrigley ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:20:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i just walk around the block until somebody else is there and I can arrive second.
Jmscrvnts ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:11:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait. Why would you join a group of strangers? Real question. Isnt that weird? Isnt that intrusive? Arent you bothering them? I would never do that, but why would someone?
-p-a-b-l-o- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To some people it probably seems normal. We are a social species after all.
lefthandedswordsman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:07:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do people send you PM's telling you about cool stuff they've done? I'm always kind of curious about accounts with type of username.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:12:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Clashin_Creepers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:34:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. Who does that? Ha! I don't do that!
I have never done that.
Never. I swear.only god can judge me
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:14:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first transferred to my now college, I'd walk to my car (10 minutes both ways) just to put a notebook in it, that way I didn't look lonely if I had a longer break between classes.
Asophis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:04:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me?
lemonfluff ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:41:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG I do this. It's quite relaxing.
thisshortenough ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:07:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know you could just bring a book and sit by yourself instead of visiting all the bathroom facilities in the building?
GoatGod997 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:16:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, so the other day I missed the PSAT (long story, orthodontist appointment, they wouldnโt let me join) and so I had to spend 3 hours alone, most of which was spent in our โstudent center,โ which is a big room with tables and leads to all the โhousesโ which are self explanatory.
I spent all 3 hours walking from water fountain to water fountain, bathroom to bathroom, trying to look like I had purpose. Thing is, thereโs only so many water fountains and bathrooms, so Iโm pretty sure everybody who saw me thought I was going crazy.
2ii2ky ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:48:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once upon a time when I was a little shit, I would regularly skip classes by sitting in a bathroom stall until class ended. However, these classes were two hours long, and I'm sure an outsider could clearly tell that I had been in that bathroom for a while.
So one day, I was sittin in a bathroom stall watching a YouTube video on my phone, when a teacher walked in. I panicked, because I had already heard that same teacher walk in ~30 minutes earlier. Surely she would notice that I had been in here that whole time? So, I did what any normal person would do. I flushed, left the stall, washed my hands, and left the bathroom.
But with nowhere to go, and cameras scattered around campus, my logical solution was to wander around campus for a few minutes and then going to a different bathroom.
I then "bathroom hopped" multiple times after this incident just to alleviate suspicion (that nobody had. But I was paranoid)
BigSmartSmart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your username + this comment = wonderful
Flassie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:18:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if your friend does the same thing so you'll never see each other and are both doomed to become separated toilet dwellers
Se7enLC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smartphones are a godsend for introverts. I don't need to stand around awkwardly, I'm just staring at my phone like everyone else.
bclagge ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's 2017. Just sit by yourself and look at your phone.
Cheesebuletsdog ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:53:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go sit some where and dont give a fuck....hell stand there and mean mugg them. They are stuck in there with you, not the other way around.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:09:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly situations like this are kind of the reason I started smoking (IT'S A TERRIBLE HABIT DON'T DO IT KIDS). It's the perfect way to kill time in those awkward interludes and no one questions you or thinks you look out of place.
waltjrimmer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:48:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I refuse to talk to people at gatherings because it never ends well. Either the conversation is so boring we both just want it to be over or we start hating each other. There has never been anything else when I'm forced to be part of a group conversation. I always bring dice or cards with me as well as pen and paper if able. I've been asked why. It's so I can fuck off to another room and entertain myself while you losers go be normal and socialize.
TheSinningRobot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:18:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school I moved to a new school and didnt know anyone. At lunch time, everyone went outside to the quad to eat and hang out. I didnt have any friends, so I would just sit against a wall somewhere by myself and eat my lunch. I didnt want people to think I was a loner and jyst ate by myself so I would get up and walk somewhere else. I wpuld end up doing this a bunch of times and just make laps around the quad. I figured if I moved enough no one would really notice me.
A few weeks later when i actually started making friends with the kids in my class, one if them out of the blue asks me "why do you always just walk laps around the quad during lunch "
ilovemallory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR: you spend 69% of your life in bathrooms
Reutermo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love my family, but they are all really loud and hyper which can make me stressed out when I visit them. So nearly once a day when I am at my parents I go to the toilet and just sit on the stall to breath and calm down.
florbknob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would do this during college. If I got to a class too early, I would go to the bathroom first. Even though, in all likelihood, I had used the bathroom after my previous class.
IRunIntoThings ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens too often for me.
guitarman565 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a venue technician at Edinburgh fringe festival this year and I used to go sit in the bathroom a lot (lid down trousers up) just because there was nowhere at all to get peace without annoying patrons or other techs needing favours.
garnet_is_square ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
....I did this throughout all of middle school, or even go to the library
CosmicCockSocket ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:36:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way, I do the exact same thing. Especially during passing periods at school haha
im_so_not_creative ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone with social anxiety, I do this too many times
Pickles256 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would avoid lunch that way again
Cause when you sit by yourself you get the "pity sit next to" from someone you barely know and you try to make conversation but it's super awkward
pennycenturie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man that's genius. I'm using that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:36:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bathrooms are a sanctuary for the socially awkward. I spent every school dance and most of my lunch periods in the bathroom in middle school. I'd think it was normal except I was the only one in there.
jimmyneutron555 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the classic hide in the bathroom trick. My go-to
postbyproxy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh geez. In my first year of high school i didn't really have many friends, so I would just lock myself in a stall for the duration of lunch.
TeaAndPopcorn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hid in a bathroom for an hour or so during middle school. I was meeting a few friends at the mall, but my dad had to drop me off an hour early. I read Homestuck on my phone.
korbatcave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this a lot. If thereโs no restrooms available I sit in my car.
jrhoffa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like Hattiesburg, MS?
duck-fat-fries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually having enough sitting alone with my own thoughts and maybe browsing Reddit. Also practising my singing (quietly) so people think I'm mental and don't come near me. I love being alone!
UndeniablyPink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. After junior high, most of my friends started going to a different high school. So at lunch I either had to hang out with old friends or disappear. So I took leisurely strolls to the bathroom, took my time, etc. Plus it was kind of late to make new friends, most of the people in hs were in cliques. Kinda sad.
dustiestrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
in high school I would skip classes and jut sit in a bathroom stall the whole time, so I spent a lot of periods just chillin in the stall and nowadays they are kinda my safe space to go to.
butterballmd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve done this before but toilet seats are a pain in the ass to sit on.
samuel_Jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do something similar: I wait in my parked car (sometimes have waited up to an hour) just so Iโm not the first person in the group to enter the restaurant/bar/etc.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay mean girls.
ivanstaggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I faced the same problem my first semester so i found a group of guys playing magic and I stood there for a few seconds then randomly blurred out โI donโt have friends, can you guys be my friends?โ At a volume that was just under shouting. They all stopped and looked at me. thankfully they were socially awkward people like me and just said โyeah, you wanna join the game?โ
Bam, made friends.
Puzzles23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this at school during lunch bc i dont got dem friends
Vitpat8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in high school we had a day where the class schedules were all mixed up and the bell kept ringing at the wrong times. I was in a history class and we were watching a video and I had no idea how much time had passed, so the bell rang and everybody got up and was walking around for 5 minutes so I thought the class was over. I walked out a door down a hallway in the back area of the classroom. Usually people flood out so I walked away for a minute and thought something was off. So I walked back near the entrance of the classroom and saw everyone was seat down again with the lights off watching a movie. The desks in this class were tables arranged to make long rows so Iโd have to squeeze by a ton of people to get back to my seat.
So instead I walked off debating what to do. If a monitor saw me for too long theyโd get suspicious, so I went to a remote bathroom and sat in one of the stalls playing Pokรฉmon until class actually ended.
ailish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smartphones are the best thing ever invented because when you're stuck just waiting for something you can going sit somewhere and entertain yourself. No need to be awkward when you can tune everyone out.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this when I was too anxious to eat in the lunch room
CripplingMelancholy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college I picked up smoking to avoid this exact situation.
iceguy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally me
biorogue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:31:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first joined the army and got through basic training and got to by duty station. I of course didn't know anyone at all, so instead of trying to meet my fellow soldiers, I'd sit on the shitter for like 30 minutes at a time. Just hiding. Moved past that and ended up making a lot of lifelong friends.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Careful too long on the shitter will give you hemorrhoids.
Source: this exact thing happened to me
uncreativeusername31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this all the time in my first semester of college.
Oh I have a three hour break and none of my friends are at school. Ok I guess I'll go take a three hour shit.
Wakkajabba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to pee a lot and I'm convinced it's because I would use the toilet to catch my breath in my anxiety days.
EdynViper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I do this sometimes at nightclubs if I get there before friends do.
MalHeartsNutmeg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know this is literally the reason smartphones were invented right?
admiral_snugglebutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like it takes a lot of energy to be that uncomfortable all the time.
Kitsune-93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've genuinely thought of doing this quite recently. I've started a new college course and the campus is always super busy. I'm kind of introverted as well as socially awkward so being around people exhausts me.
Sometimes when I go for a pee I think "oh man I could totally just sit here for 10 minutes and give myself a breather" but then for some reason, I just, don't...
ShaidarHaran2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school once, I thought I'd get around that awkwardness on the first day of class by being the first one in, so then everyone else would make the choice of where to sit, and if someone knew me they'd come to me.
Turned out, no one in that class knew me, and everyone sat at the opposite end of the classroom, so I became the alone sitter for that class. Awks.
MVPoker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this every lunch period for 3 years of high school....
RageBatman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:53 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel better, I spent an entire concert in the bathroom because I couldn't handle the crowd alone.
Ericthecow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:55 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, this made me cry and laugh so hard.
I sorta do the same.
g0atmeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just say hi to strangers. It can be a little scary and sometimes awkward but it's way better in the long run.
elfardoo ยท 9630 points ยท Posted at 15:53:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an undergrad, I was invited to a halloween costume party. I only knew the person who invited me, and everyone there seemed to know each other, so I was like the odd man out. After about 30 minutes of pounding jungle juice and standing around awkwardly, I went outside, buzzed, to escape. I wanted to go home, but my friend had driven me. So, instead, I found a gap in the shrubbery around the house's foundation and hid there, watching other drunks come and go from my cloak of concealment. This is was all fine and well until a girl noticed me and I guess startled because she screamed and made a scene. I booked it out of there and walked, in costume, a couple miles to a convenience store to call a relative to come pick me up. That was the last time that friend invited me to a party.
AntTheMighty ยท 3048 points ยท Posted at 16:27:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe your costume was so good that you spooked her and she was trying to tell everyone about how cool it was.
[deleted] ยท 912 points ยท Posted at 20:20:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Were they saying "Boo" or "Booerns"?
aChristery ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 22:01:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was saying "Booerns."
thinwallryan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:01:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was saying boo-urns.
Thompson_S_Sweetback ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:27:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was saying shrub-boo-ry.
TemporalDistortions ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:15:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...i was saying boo-urns
MutantTomParis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SPAGETT!
NotTheKindOfGirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I was saying Booerns..."
cjh93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was saying Booerns.
kiptheenglish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I was saying Boo-urns"
Xavion_Zenovka ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:17:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he was dressed as a lobster
buellster92 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:10:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spaghett!
phliuy ยท 1483 points ยท Posted at 17:50:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember going to a barn dance with someone...but she got super drunk and sick before the bus left, so I got on it without her (I didn't know she wasn't on the bus).
Yay.
I spent half the barn dance drinking my whiskey out by a pond about 30 yards away from the barn, sitting against a tree.
It wasn't too bad, fairly quiet, peaceful, and the stars were out.
[deleted] ยท 871 points ยท Posted at 18:11:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aside from losing your date, sounds like a pretty nice night. I love sitting outside at night drinking.
phliuy ยท 672 points ยท Posted at 18:18:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it was me now, it'd be a pretty great night.
Back then, I was much more self conscious.
One man's night, one kid's nightmare
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 18:18:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True.
Bamb0oM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow really? I hate drinking alone. I mean don't get me wrong, I love alcohol but, I have combined drinking with fun with friends.
[deleted] ยท -18 points ยท Posted at 22:07:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
290077 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering it's not even close, I highly doubt it
AnorexicManatee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably about as likely that they were trying to write a limerick... because it doesn't look like a haiku at all lol
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:14:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Were... were you trying to critique a non-haiku as a haiku? Because you failed...
SpartanMartian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:40:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But the bugs love whiskey, they always get in my drink :(
I can't imagine not being able to see them, oh god all the bugs you just drank!
finallyinfinite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's my and my dad's daddy-daughter date
Quackenstein ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I really need a night of sitting with my daughter drinking....
jaybuck34 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:02:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a country song.
Kaz-Talks ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:37:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โI remember going to a barn dance with someone..โ
Oh this has to be good
Someshitidontknow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:07:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I thought you said you drank your whiskey out of a pond and was like that is either a mysterious metaphor or an insane party
TK-427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I just want to drink whiskey
Bourbone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
City guy here. Barn dance?
phliuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:08:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like a party out in a barn
Vihurah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you call that a disaster? dude thats the night from heaven
m73m95 ยท 330 points ยท Posted at 16:07:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg... That strikes terror in my heart, because I would do the exact same thing.
CallidusTaco ยท 407 points ยท Posted at 17:41:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The worst of all: fear of uncomfortable social contact leading to the most uncomfortable social contact you could imagine.
m73m95 ยท 157 points ยท Posted at 17:49:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And knowing that you don't possess the knowledge or skill to avert either one.
You want to try and be a good friend (and try to at least be a little social), so you accept the invitation to the party....all while knowing it's going to end poorly... The horrible horrible, pit of your stomach feeling that there is no correct answer.
Don't go and stay home = no friends Go, and try to be a good friend = know you'll make a complete ass of yourself.
That is my entire life, summed up.
MeleeLaijin ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:18:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck it. stay home all day and pick up some new hobbies.
Grenyn ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:57:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I gave up trying to be a good friend in these situations. Unfortunately the few times a choice like this presents itself, the other party can't be a good friend either and they will give me shit for not wanting to do whatever they invite me to.
Matti_Matti_Matti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should make an askreddit post about that.
FredRogersAMA ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:52:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scream at a creep hiding in the bushes?
RyMarquez5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:22:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im so glad uber exists so I can dip from a party im not enjoying and go home without the need for a friend to drive me
elralpho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:07:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck is wrong with you people
Arandomcheese ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 18:12:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm curious to know what your costume was?
elfardoo ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 18:43:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a lame star trek uniform thing.
TrashPanda_Papacy ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 19:11:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"This isn't the right holodeck program."
storms off
101989763 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 20:14:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why the image of a star trek character creeping in the bushes at a party made this so much funnier.
chiron42 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:18:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A jokingly thought 'a mirror' but now that I think it that would be a fairly spooky costume when unexpected.
GeorgeAmberson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:20:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pulled a "Who Watches the Watchers?" there huh?
__xxooxxoo__ ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:28:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought for sure you were going to get peed on.
gottabelenny ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:50:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how she noticed him.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:37:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this version of the story.
Brox42 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:54:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoulda just played it off like you were pulling a Halloween prank
Probably_Not_Evil ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 19:55:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arrival at party. Scope the place out. Wander around and see if anyone randomly befriends you for the night. Find out if there's a dog you can sit next to and pet all night.
theTIDEisRISING ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:19:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the right solution. If you've been there for 15 minutes and no one has embraced you it's time to bail
gyrgyr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:12:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes you gotta be the one to randomly befriend people
theTIDEisRISING ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are in the wrong thread my friend. What you were looking for was the "Socially normal people, how do you interact at parties and/or events where you don't know anyone?" thread
theandroqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/socialskills
Swell-Fellow ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 16:48:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just reading this made me anxious.
Destring ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:14:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm somewhat an introvert myself, but have found myself in such situations. It's not that hard to just go to some group your friend is talking with and introduce yourself..
Flatulatory ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 19:07:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know is this is relevant but it reminds me of a time when I was at a party with a couple of friends whom I knew, but the other 50 people I wasn't really familiar with.
For context I was on mushrooms. If anyone has ever been on shrooms around drunk people, you should know that it's kind of...tiring. You are on a different level than they are, and you can't find common ground. Awkward is an understatement.
I got in a funk and didn't want to slip into the darkness so I went outside to level out with a smoke, and realized there was a big pool that was quite far from the deck (large backyard).
It was summer, pool seemed usable and open, and I suddenly needed to cool off and my mushroom brain kind of drew me towards the water.
No bathing suit though.....
So I put a towel at the opposite end of the pool, and in one fell swoop, stripped naked and dove in, got out immediately on the other side, covered myself in the towel and walked back to my clothes and threw them back on after frantically drying off.
So I guess I could tell people that I skinny dipped at a party when I was a teenager, but it was all alone, away from the crowd, and on mushrooms. Still worth it though.
I apologize if this is not at all relevant.
TLDR: Skinny dipped on shrooms by myself because I was trying to get away from the party.
commoncoitusy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:21:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in my party days, in fact my last party day really, I rolled but got so do so so sick. I was at someone's house I didn't know with a friend who was trying to hook up, and I didn't want to ruin anyone's time, so I found a comfy spot in the bushes where I could crawl to vomit and drink from the tap then crawl back.
What I didn't know is that my contacts were glowing in the faint black light that was reaching me so this dude thought I was a huge raccoon or something.
It was awful.
greengumball70 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:58:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other night I was studying late for an exam. Library closed at midnight and I wasn't ready to head home yet so I found a peaceful nook on campus and was just watching Netflix when two girls walk around the tree line, look at me lying on the ground, jump about 10 feet in the air and book it out of there. Either they were tryna smoke or crazy freaked out about a dude watching Netflix. So I feel your pain.
Brad543 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:17:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg what the heck, this is hilarious. Great story
smellymeli ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:56:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sean Spicer?
rnepmc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:35:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah. I wouldn't be surprised if you stole this plot from a movie. Are you Michael Cera?
being_inappropriate ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:48:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done things very similar to this.. It's why I always refuse to go to parties where I'll only know one or two people. Only make exceptions if it's a really big party and I can go hide somewhere without someone noticing.
I remember I once told my friend I was going to the bathroom and instead just ran home. Haha.
Omadon1138 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:26:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to know what you were dressed as.
elfardoo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:57:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a lame star trek uniform thing.
Omadon1138 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:01:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were just trying to uphold the prime directive to not interfere.
JoinMyGuild ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:14:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus that is brutal
SirTyrael ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:14:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally thought some guy was about to piss on you.
Brice6911 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:29:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you could of just apologized for scaring her and say you were taking a break from the party. Simple
bindzzz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:00:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs killing me to imagine her shock, after staring a little too long at a bush and seeing your equally terrified face poking out.
Iโm cry laughing as quietly as I can while my boyfriend tries to sleep.
Avehadinagh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:10:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's hella autistic. Nice job.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:17:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ight Ima be real right quick. That was warranted. You legit sat in a fucking bush. Lmao bruh. That's some weird shit
RainbowJesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed that's fucking creepy as hell man
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:23:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me once except instead of hiding in a bush, I spent the entirety of the party with their pet dog.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:50:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And so started the spooky clowns in the dark craze from months ago...
elfardoo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh - this was circa 1992
Roboticide ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're the winner.
theTIDEisRISING ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The image of you walking sadly in costume a couple of miles to a convenience store depresses me. Internet hug bro
TheWalkingDeadBeat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:35:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude. My freshmen year I went to the annual Halloween party that got thrown by the students in my department. I only knew one person a little but I didn't want to follow them around all night. I got so uncomfortable I hid outside for an hour so no one could see me crying. When the first round of designated drivers started to take people home, I pretended I was really drunk because I didn't want anyone to know how miserable I was and asked for a ride home. At that point I had never actually been drunk before. I'm sure it looked like the most pathetic performance.
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've faked drunk before. It was my first time trying to get drunk and it wasn't working. My friend wanted me to have fun though, so I just turned the randomness up to 11.
HEBushido ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:55:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. I wish this was filmed, it sounds like a skit. You never thought to just hang around your friend and meet people?
12thr33 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:25:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's almost as if some social awkwardness was at play in this story about social awkwardness
WhyLater ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:28:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He hid in the bushes. That is next-level shit.
tehgimpage ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:25:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
man, i woulda loved you at my old house parties. "oh thats just rando ralph hiding in the bushes! he's happy there."
Dwashelle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:25:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was your costume?
elfardoo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:57:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a lame star trek uniform thing.
breethatsme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cady Heron, is that you?
FreckledViking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:11:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This killed me hahahaha.
seemonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sean Spicer, is that you?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:49:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I. Literally. Screamed. With. Laughter. Omg!!!
everythingstakenFUCK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm desperately trying not to laugh hysterically in line in a crowded qdoba
Acastil22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most hilarious thing Iโve read on here aside from the guy who got his hand stuck on the window and didnโt say anything.
Yellosnomonkee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bad friend, what were they doing talking to other friends? Its their job to introduce you and get you talking to everyone they are talking to.
LukasKulich ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That reminded me I once hid in a room behind a coat rack during friend's birthday party. I think I sat there, ocassionaly vomiting, for like five hours, waiting for the first bus to arrive.
DarknessRain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I was the friend that invited you and you did that, I would make it a point to invite you to everything ever to see what else you can do lol.
HitByStick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You poor tortured thing. See, people would never assume the real reason you were in the srubbery. No, they'd condemn you with their worst fears, or so you'd think. How would you know? You could never ask, you know that much, so you're forced to assume, just like them. What choice do you have?
admiral_snugglebutt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:29:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once, but I stood in some shrubs by the drive way and my plan was working perfectly until someone drove down the driveway and their car could clearly see me. Oops.
SlapstickVampire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:08:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like you need a hug, but not from a person. Do you have a heavy blanket?
ziamal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:10:25 on December 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You didnt know anyone so instead of talking and meeting new people, you hid in the bushes outside lmaooo
elfardoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:58 on December 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I had a few blunder years in my youth lol
lame_puns_for_whores ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:56:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Follow them around all day until you meet another friendly person.
uhaul26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:54:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did she scream, oh my god that's brad Pitt?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You scared away the cat! Dammit we were just about to be bros
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is genius
galgor_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing! The power of awkwardness knows no boundaries. Sorry that you had to go through that though, it must've sucked.
TyGeezyWeezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg that sounds horrible. I would have died.
Dr_Schaden_Freude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess we found Spicer's Reddit account
C0wabungaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope you didn't ask her whether she wanted penis enlargement pills I hope.
Truan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dude, you should have just played that one off like you were trying to jump out and scare someone else, and were glad that it worked on someone
PrincessPikapoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please be my friend haha
metyuadem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, she probably thought you were taking a shit in the bushes.
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You totally could've saved that by jumping up and yelling "Boo."
Wattmillis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You got some shit friends I'll be your friend
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck.
abbymac823 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jungle Juice is the worst. It was very very very delicious when I was drinking it. When I finally stood up my knee kept going out, I was screwed. I have never been so sick in my life.
LordGodless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have shouted "Don't look, I'm masturbating!" From the bushes. That way there wouldn't be a scene since nobody would look.
notmebutjim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have told my friend im either not feeling well or tired and would like to nap in their car.
FuriousDee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is almost too painful to laugh at.
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry may I ask, is this is a really old story? I can't find another reason you wouldn't have a cellphone.
elfardoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, 1992 I think.
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, different times then I must guess! Considering that is the year I was born...
zpuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:52:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could of just pretended to be shit faced and fell in there
jeremycb29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Playing the old theft or shrubbery game I see
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Updoot for jungle juice.
We used to make it in a trash can complete with a bag. I've had people say they made it in the bathtub. That's just foul.
bonepatrol4 ยท 822 points ยท Posted at 19:02:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In like 3rd grade, I was walking back to class from the bathroom. I saw this guy walking in the same direction next to me and I got nervous and sped up to walk into my class. I opened the door and realized that it wasn't even my class, it was his. So I basically just opened the door for him and he looked at me like 'wtf' as he walked in. I closed the door behind him and walked into class.
leslieboleyn ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 23:46:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am hysterical over this
AnnounceMbappe ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:39:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You committed, made it less awkward I think. He'll prob think about it for the rest of his life
cumberbumbles ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:43:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely one of my favorites holy heck it's hilarious
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:46:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, at least you didn't follow him in and take a seat...
RooneyNeedsVats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instantly made me think of this
MichealJayFox ยท 800 points ยท Posted at 22:52:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The manager of my local thinks my name is Jarlath. My name is not Jarlath. I don't know why he thinks my name is Jarlath, but he does. I corrected him a few times, and he kept reverting back to Jarlath, so I gave up. Like, he's introduced me to regulars in his pub as Jarlath, and now I have to pretend to be Jarlath if I bump into them around town. Even my wife gave up. In his pub, I'm Jarlath.
The last time I was there he set up a tab for my table. At the end of the night I went up to pay with my card, which has my actual name on it. He saw the name and kinda froze as it dawned on him that my name is not Jarlath, and that he'd been giving the odd free pint to an imposter.
And because I was very drunk and wanted to spare HIM from embarrassment, I told him that it was my friends card. Because obviously I'm Jarlath.
Time to move to a different city, I think.
BullshitSloth ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 10:10:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cannot stop laughing at this. Where the fuck did this guy come up with Jarlath?
Fuck, I just woke up my neighbor (I live in an apartment) from laughing so hard at this.
malachymac95 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 11:43:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jarlath is a moderately common name in some parts of Ireland, main Jarlaths I've heard of are from Galway and Tyrone but I'm sure there're others.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 12:13:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SkateboardingGiraffe ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 18:09:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does the "Jay" in your username stand for "Jarlath?"
malachymac95 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:55:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in fermanagh, only ever met the one Jarlath and he was from Tyrone but I just know it's common in Galway too for some reason.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was asking myself as I read your post where in the UK you were from (we in America say "pub" only if the bar actually has pub in the name, pretty sure this is universal.) Cool story.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:54:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:00:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, man, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come across as ignorant, I know the difference.
We generally call all pubs "bars", even if there is pub in the title of said bar. There's a place near me called "The Great American Pub" and that's still just the name to us.
MichealJayFox ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 17:22:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyway, it's Friday evening. I'm off to be Jarlath for a few hours.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:29:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cheers mate, be safe.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 17:21:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:23:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like most people I talk to don't know where Philadelphia is, but they know Rocky and the Fresh Prince, haha.
BullshitSloth ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:13:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL
dustin1115 ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 02:02:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This wouldnโt be nearly as funny if he thought your name was John or Bill or some shit.
Jarlath. Nice
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 03:23:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something out of Star Wars
KappaMcTlp ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:43:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's the name of our noble Saint Iarlaithe mac Loga
MichealJayFox ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 09:48:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, fuck knows where he pulled Jarlath out of.
utahrd37 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:58:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could have the power to rename people at will. Just shear persistence and friendliness?
ThoughtNinja ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 07:14:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes just doing it works.
I was a senior in HS and my friends and I hung around what we called the "freak" tree. It was were all us social outcasts would hang for lunch etc. So we would welcome anyone including freshmen to chill with us. Kind of like the goth kids on South Park minus the whole goth thing.
This one freshmen kid, no clue what his actual name was, starting hanging around. He was odd and quiet, like most of us, and didn't talk much but fit in well enough. One day I turned to him and out of sheer boredom declared his name was now Sandpaper. He was surprisingly cool with it. As was everyone else and from that day he was referred to as Sandpaper.
So fast forward a few years my cousin, who is a few years younger than me, is taking driver's ED and low and behold Sandpaper is also taking the course at the same and is still going by that moniker.
That was the last confirmed sighting of SP some 13-14 years ago.
colocada ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:30:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My old high school had a similar hang out spot for the pseudo-goth, Hot Topic, Invader Zim obsessed kids. We called them the Tree Kids. They would try to freak out normies and preps but they were really more annoying that freaky.
BloodBurningMoon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:27:19 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also had something similar at my high school, although the name was much more boring; we were just the 2-hall group. Because Hallway 2 ended next to the cafeteria, and we ate out there instead like "rebels."
kristalina07 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:52:38 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My French teacher in middle school called me Lindsay because "there is no K in the French language" so he renamed me entirely.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:30:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got called Greg by my regulars for close to two years, my name is not greg its almost similar but being the anxious englishman i didnt correct them until my friend heard them call for me. They then decided it was too late to change my name back and still to this day call me greg
Lightningseeds ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:52:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Shut up, Larry!"
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:56:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For fuck sake I am real life Larry ๐
zpuma ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:01:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jarlath the Barbarian.
shadowfires21 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:02:20 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I about died reading this.
[deleted] ยท 15140 points ยท Posted at 15:55:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thenshesays ยท 7385 points ยท Posted at 17:22:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the worst when you go into the bathroom to poop and then someone else comes in shortly after you and also wants to poop and then we both are waiting for the other person to leave and it just becomes like a sit-off while we both sit awkwardly in silence. I usually bring my phone in and win these
CallidusTaco ยท 2654 points ยท Posted at 17:32:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the one I came here expecting. No one likes dropping a shit with other people in stalls to hear everything you let out of your ass.
thenshesays ยท 1598 points ยท Posted at 17:36:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my bf doesn't get it. he says this is not a thing in the mens room. I mean, people have varying degrees of not caring. Some women will come in and just poop and moan and grunt. I will also hide in the stall until they leave because I don't want to know who it was or to make eye contact with them
LawnyJ ยท 338 points ยท Posted at 19:50:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My problem is that I have a shy bladder so if I walk in and someone is just sitting in a stall, I'm not going to be able to pee because it's too quiet. If other people are washing their hands or flushing the toilet no big deal, but if it's just me and the pooper, I will just walk right back out and try again later. My bladder will not release in the silence
Ulti ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 22:19:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate being pee-shy. Not fun in the slightest. If there's someone standing next to me at a urinal, I just won't fire. Doesn't matter. D:
LostCanadianGoose ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 22:22:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. It's really awkward have to just give up and go to a different bathroom
Ulti ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 23:00:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just stand there at the urinal and pray the other guy doesn't notice you're not actually peeing, all while staring intently at the ceiling in the opposite direction.... urgh.
el_grort ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:14:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then the awkward zip up after not peeing and darting into a cubicle as soon as one opens up. Bonus points for carefully aiming at the side of the bowl to try and decrease the amount of splashing noise and not make it obvious you couldn't piss at the urinal. Too, too many times.
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:30:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This hits far too close to home :|
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:30:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wrong with peeing in a stall though?
"Yea I thought it was gonna be a number one but actually it was just the runner up. Shrugs"
SleepsInOuterSpace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sit down on the toilet whilst using the paper toilet seat covers or toilet paper. Will make less noise and less awkward.
Ghosttwo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless there's shit on the seat, I never use toilet covers. Cleaner than a handshake!
bjb399 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:02:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There must be enough of us that they get it by now, right?
Ulti ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:04:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still not going to stop the fear of judgement from paralyzing the sphincter in my bladder. What if theydon't get it and just think I'm some kind of weird perv?! Auuuughhhhh
bjb399 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh of course not. Thankfully my desk at work is near the bathroom, so I can surveil the area to try and make sure it's empty before heading in. Still... if someone jumps in immediately afterward it can get weird.
Ghosttwo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:08:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be that way, but then I found a trick. Just go through your head and imagine all of the water sources you use, one after another. Imagine turning on every sink, hose, faucet, all the toilets at work flushing an so on. Within 5 seconds my own 'faucet' comes on, no problem.
wowurcoolful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk I tend to start reading the engraving on the piping. hmm interesting
drivebyjustin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do math. Seriously. I think "ok...12x15...180, nice, 180/8...22.5...oh dang Im a'pee'n!"
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man you're like the third person to say this! I'm going to have to give it a try.
drivebyjustin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny, I learned about it on Reddit probably four years ago. Definitely helps a shy bladder.
Great_cReddit ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:48:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Skip urinals and head straight to stall. Problem solved. Unless you're at an event... Then you're screwed lol
Ulti ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:56:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's usually my go-to strategy... but yeah trying to take a piss at a baseball game or something? Fuck that, no dividers between urinals? I have died and gone to hell.
Dewthedru ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 00:22:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to the Indy 500 once and it was just a trough in the middle with dudes on the other side facing you. It was like the worst dick-measuring contest ever.
Ulti ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 00:30:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
?!?!?!?!?
MP4-4 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:43:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:31:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you'd think the organizers would have the fucking courtesy to be civilized enough to have put up a dividing panel so that you wouldn't have to eyeball each other, for gawd's sake
Dewthedru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah...youโd think so, wouldnโt you?
BTW, it might have been a Purdue football game instead. Either way, I couldnโt believe it was really happening.
herper147 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean what do you do in that situation, you can't look straight at the opposite dude and you can't look down without looking like your eyeballing everyone's dicks, looking up either just looks weird like you are enjoying your piss a little too much.
Do you just stand there and close your eyes?
Dewthedru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was...shocking. IIRC, had to pee badly and went up to it and just started before realizing that there was a line of dudes across from me, FACING ME, with their junk out!
This was 20+ years ago (ouch) but I still remember the WTF feeling
Great_cReddit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:07:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We had troughs at our state fair... The absolute worst. I forgot how I navigated that one though.
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:21:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah... those are absolutely the worst. 200% agree. Although there's a bar I go to that has a small trough, and they fill it with ice from the bar. That, my friends, is how peeing at a bar is supposed to work. So horribly satisfying.
whatifimnot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:23:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until today, I never regretted my lack of penis.
Ulti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:25:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really is just the best thing. You can drill holes, draw designs, whatever your drunken ass desires!
RonaldTheGiraffe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:07:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In that case I just find a quiet corner and wet myself
nucumber ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:23:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, but then it looks like you aren't man enough to pee at a urinal.....
Redditor_on_LSD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:00:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, then i feel like an even bigger pussy
Protopulse ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not entirely relevant, but I was recently snorkeling and learned I could not will my body to pee when I was in the ocean. It was the strangest thing. I don't think I was pee-shy in the sense that you were using the word, but that was still a pretty frustrating experience. Had to wait for the boat to go back to shore hours later. Shouldn't have had that cup of coffee beforehand.
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that's real weird. Can you pee in a swimming pool or something for instance?
pjdietz424 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:48:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate it too, so so much. I think I traced this shyness though. When in 1st or 2nd grade this asshole would push people into the urinal while they were peeing, getting them a little wet. Gross. I seem to remember it happening to me a lot. Not great. Iโve always thought the shyness was more of an overactive defense reflex. If a predator is near, you are ready for flight, not peepee time. Maybe the over-shyness comes from stuff like this? Oh well. Even if itโs true I still canโt beat the shyness!!! Anyway, the asshole ended up overdosing on heroin later in life. Karma, I guess.
FrostyXylophone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel it, man. The worst thing is that mentally all you wanna do is piss, but it just won't happen.
schmo006 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:31:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read somewhere on reddit doing multiplication can help. Works for me when I gotta pee.
noodlefist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I learned a funny trick years ago for this exact thing. Do math in your head. Just hold your dick out and calculate shit in your head, like "4x2=8, 7+9=16, 2x7=14, 1/x3 = โy (jk he he he)..." until you pee. I swear it has helped me to get over this massive, debilitating, even life threatening problem.
Edit: i cant reddit.
Ulti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, everyone coming out of the woodwork saying to do math overnight! I'm going to have to give that a try.
OkamiNoKiba ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:11:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you tried the 'do some basic arithmetic in your head' trick? It's a little hit or miss with me but 50% of the time is better than 0% of the time.
LawnyJ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:50:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll try that tomorrow and let you know. Usually i just try to convince myself I'm alone
Xitium01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try holding your breath. It always works for me.
j4kefr0mstat3farm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:08:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instructions unclear. Pissed myself doing multiplication tables.
tsuuinkure ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:26:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some establishments have speakers in their washroom so it's not dead silent when you walk in. Makes it less awkward if there is someone in the stall beside you.
LawnyJ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:53:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in the quietest building haha. The other building on our campus is a call center so they have white noise pumped in to help muffle all the talking. Maybe i should just try peeing over there
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you tried flushing to cover the sound?
artemis_nash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:40:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was just an interesting Freakonomics podcast episode about disrupting (in the sense of disrupting an industry) bathroom standards. They pointed out how weird it is that it's completely silent in bathrooms. Some cool suggestions on how to fix it... one Italian restaurant played a learning Italian track in their restroom, I thought that was a good idea.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:28:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so... strike up a conversation?
"hi... sounds like you got plenty of fiber this morning! way to go!"
Beerfarts69 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:22:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THIS IS ME. I learned that if I plug my ears it will create a little bit of white noise in my head so I can focus. And itโs almost like the โif I close my eyes you canโt see meโ child mentality. If I canโt hear me pee, you canโt hear me pee!
LawnyJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really interested to see if that could help. I could see that working if I don't hear myself breaking the silence
Beerfarts69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it a try! Now the only anxiety I have is someone peeking at me through the stall door with my fingers stuffed in my ears...
PM_ME_DEM_FEET ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:24:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I'm the opposite with pee
I love being as loud as possible, sometimes I'll deliberately chose a stall so I can pee in the middle of the water
LawnyJ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:37:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am lady. May be different pee goals haha
FlashbackJon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Japan, the toilets often have a button that will just play a flushing/running water noise for this exact purpose.
LawnyJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?! That's amazing. America needs to get with the times
nucumber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a word of advice to those with shy bladders is to mentally curse them out. just rage on them . . . . "that fucking dipshit can go fucking die, fuck 'em all......"
weird but it helps.
Tokentaclops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I learned to deal with this. Count down from 10 in your head, every time you pee in a public restroom. Focus completely and only on the counting, kind of like a meditation. Make it so that everytime you hit 1 you start peeing. Just speed up or slow down to hit the timing. Before long you can count down in your head and when you hit 1 you'll just start peeing. It's pretty handy in crowded situations. Came up with this when I was 12 or something.
llewkeller ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 20:11:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It kind of is a thing in men's rooms as well. Though what's more weird is when you're standing at a urinal peeing, and somebody else comes to pee next to you, and makes a big spectacle of it - groaning (presumably because his bladder had been full), rubbing his own stomach, humming a tune, etc. Savoring the experience in other words. Personally, I'd just rather get it done quickly, and get out.
FluffyToughy ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 22:51:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so, so glad women just have stalls right now. Do you just get an eyefull of other people's wangs all the time?
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:08:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:13:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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paulwhite959 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had that happen at a rest stop; thankfully the other two guys in the restroom were in plain sight (one at another urinal, the other washing their hands) and htey just bust a gut laughing. I thought the guy taking a leak was going to wind up peeing all over himself he was laughing so hard. The kids dad turned beet red, put his heads in his hands and pretended he didn't exist.
Kenny__Loggins ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:53:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0 here and I assume that's pretty standard
KennyFulgencio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I caught one staring. At 3am. He was standing outside of a highway rest stop. Nobody else was around. I had to pee. I pulled up, parked and went in to pee. He chased me in, took the urinal next to me (in a huge empty restroom with around 8-12 urinals) and looked over at my wang. I froze, zipped up, walked out, and drove 50 miles to the next rest stop to pee. I am a bit ashamed of how I handled it. I don't know if I should have assaulted him or what. I have bashful bladder anyway.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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KennyFulgencio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was quite a while back. But he wasn't lurking in the restroom, he was lurking outside and followed me in (at a hasty trot, no less)! I don't know if that makes it better or worse :/ Luckily he did not steal my dry, non-peeing penis.
momomo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0 and 0. Often there are stall dividers that make it more or less impossible anyways.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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momomo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's true, "often" might be a stretch. Not to mention, a lot of them offer 0 coverage at all lol
Atlatica ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very very few.
Most guys hold it in a way that the peripheral vision isn't good enough to distinguish a penis from the fingers holding it. So the only way to get any sort of a look is to tilt your head and stare right at it. The awkwardness and shame of being caught doing so simply isn't worth a glance at the tip of another man's flaccid cock.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:41:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If they have any sense, zero. You look everywhere but dick-level.
Maybe people look in San Francisco... but everywhere else, you don't want to give anyone the wrong idea.
rounced ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What does San Francisco have to do withOOOHHHHHHHH...
llewkeller ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:54:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some bathrooms put advertisements on the wall now, so you can get marketed to while relieving yourself.
llewkeller ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:49:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It can happen, yes. A story I've told here before. I was at a concert at a stadium. I guess the women's restrooms must have been full, with lines out the door. So I'm in the men's room, and about a half-dozen women walk in with the triumphant attitude that they'll take power, and pee in any restroom they damn well please. About 20 men were standing around peeing into a huge circular urinal with wangs fully exposed - kind of unusual - I'd never seen one like that before. The men looked surprised that women were there, but didn't really care much. After a few seconds, the women turned pale, looked totally grossed out, and left.
Batspank ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:56:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I ever saw one of those circular urinals was at Ralph Wilson stadium in Buffalo late 70's. I thought it was a fountain to wash your hands. Dad and brother still wont let me ever forget that day dammit.
o0i81u8120o ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:09:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of this maybe NSFW
llewkeller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't hear the audio here on my work computer. What country has TV channel 105? ...sounds like FM radio.
The_Blog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:09:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is this video of a guy getting surprised interviewed at an open air concert and he tries to play it cool and wash his hands while talking and ends up washing them in a urinal. He notices halfway through, says Shit and the reporter and cameraman start laughing.
llewkeller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might have made the same mistake, but there were men standing around peeing in it when I got there. I have seen a few circular sinks with multiple faucets that are similar in design. They should probably post a sign, or something. "Pee Here"..."Wash Hands Here."
FluffyToughy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ew like some kind of tribal ritual.
KennyFulgencio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:02:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I saw one of those (and I was staggeringly drunk already) I just gasped in horror "oh god no" and gave up on peeing for the night.
llewkeller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:15:07 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait until you hit your 60s. You pee when you have to, no matter how gross the facilities. You just feel thankful there is any men's room at all.
GuidedBySteven ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:55:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happens occasionally, but not normally. I remember the last time I happened to catch a glimpse of one because the thing looked like a fucking can of Coke, but made of flesh.
mediocrefunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly don't think I ever have.
vapiddiscord ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:17:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worse still is when the coworker peeing next to you starts talking to you like it's the goddamned [??? where exactly is it considered socially acceptable for two fully clothed men to engage in small talk with their penises out?]. But if you just ignore them then you're the asshole.
Public restroom ettique is a minefield.
NavySealNeilMcBeal ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:38:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you talk to me in the restroom and we both aren't washing/drying our hands I will never be able to see you the same way again.
llewkeller ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:46:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been told that even hetero men occasionally look over at the guy next to them to compare penis size.
I personally don't do that because I want to live under the illusion that mine is the largest.
laccro ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:44:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also do my best to avoid any sightings, except for this one time... I was trying to stare at the wall straight ahead but this dude whipped a baby arm out of his pants, so gargantuan, that my peripheral vision caused me to flinch backwards.
It was super awkward because there were only the 2 urinals and he clearly saw me flinch...
vapiddiscord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't it be easier to do a Google image search for penis? Or is it the risk of getting caught the appeal?
llewkeller ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:45:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's acceptable in a gay men's sex club. Sorry - but I had to go there.
vapiddiscord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why don't you give that a go and let us know how that works out for you.
llewkeller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the past, it's worked out fine, thank you.
The_Blog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:06:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget when for some reason you can't pee, like the urine won't come out and you are just staring at your dick with people left and right peeing. That one is always really awkward for me.
llewkeller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, inability to pee was usually due to the ingestion of various kinds of "uppers." But as I've gotten older, it's the natural order of things.
slanid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's called the first drunken pee.
CallidusTaco ยท 203 points ยท Posted at 17:38:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's a thing in any bathroom as long as you're awkward enough, really. There's no need for it to be a thing anywhere, but it still will be.
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 21:58:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I audibly laugh with each squeak of the deflating balloon.
tmotom ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:06:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I try for loudness, to assert my dominance.
KlNSLAYER ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:56:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha girls don't poop...
PRMan99 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:23:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a thing. We don't have enough stalls at work. I waited a long time (over 10 minutes) for this guy. Finally, I huffed, went over to the door and opened it.
Then like a ninja, I stayed in the bathroom. When he opened the stall, I gave him a look of judgment like you can't believe.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 21:18:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you are the devil
iEpidemics ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:20:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god do I have a story. Went into a Target bathroom like 2 years ago to take a leak. This dad is sitting by the sink looking worried while his son (little kid) is constipated and screaming for his dad to help him get the poop out of him. I look at the dad do one of those "pffffft... Ahhahaha" laughs and he just starts laughing too at how awkward it was for me to walk in and hear that. Poor kid is upset and asking why his dad is laughing and still needs help pooping. 10/10 experience that I forget about until people talk about public restroom experiences. I try to avoid it myself since I'm very timid.
Celiac_Sally ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:30:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that kid was anything like me at his age, that's the kind of stupid bullshit that will traumatize him for no good reason and he'll always resent his dad for something he couldn't do anything about.
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry LOL. Did I mention even at the age of 21 if I go into a public restroom and someone has an upset stomach and lets loose I just lose it and laugh maniacally? I'm laughing thinking about it now infact.
NotMyThrowawayNope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed too just thinking about it. I am not a mature person.
schbaseballbat ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 19:17:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely don't want to know who is making all the crazy noises in there. Sometimes you do find out who it is and it makes things awkward in real life.
Serious question for people who make loud moaning and groaning noises in public toilets...Can you honestly not keep quiet?
Diggerinthedark ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 22:20:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, it's definitely worse when you know who it is. I kept hearing some dude wiping his ass like he was removing a stain from his clothes (well it's how I pictured it in my head, rub rub rub without folding the paper etc). I eventually saw them coming out of the stall and it's someone I worked with every day. Made it awkward as fuck. Not like I can just come out and ask him why he wipes his butt like he's polishing.
schbaseballbat ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:25:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what? who wipes their butt that way? it's crazy to think someone would wipe more than once without getting another sheet, or folding it over.
Diggerinthedark ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:27:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know right haha, drove me half crazy stopping myself from asking about it. Hahaha
kthebakerman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:08:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh. My. God. Someone in my building at work does this too. I don't get it. You're just smearing it everywhere.
Diggerinthedark ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:09:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And presumably giving yourself a nice tender butt hole
The_Blog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:11:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that very rarely when there is basically nothing left, but I wanna get those last few and not waste too much toilet paper with basically nothing on it. But again only when it's almost done anyway, not before.
arittenberry ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:34:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would you know if he folded!?
Diggerinthedark ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:43:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if he did I would have heard more regular breaks in the rubbing of his poor ring.
I heard: toilet roll unrolling - scrunch - rubrubrubrubrubrub - scrunch - rubrubrubrubrubrub - scrunch - etc.
So he did fold, just after rubbing his rectum raw.
And yes I heard it often enough to remember and break down like this.
arittenberry ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:53:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha such attention detail. This description is hilarious!
rivershimmer ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:58:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're moaning and groaning on routine, everyday bathroom trips, something's not quite right. You need to see a doctor or maybe eat more fiber and drink more water.
Fettacini ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 21:30:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the men's room at my office no one cares. They let loose with reckless abandon the second their ass hits the seat. I've heard things in there that no human should.
DJCzerny ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 17:39:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe grunting but I don't think I've heard moaning in the mens' room before.
Flaminggolfball ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 18:25:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless it's one of those weird guys who moans while they piss
Michaelm3911 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 20:08:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weird? You've never enjoyed mother nature's foundation burst at the seems on an unending day? I'll moan to that all day buddy.
outerdrive313 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:54:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the piss shivers afterwards
๐
Mafros99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I hate those shivers. You can stand in the urinal with your body rigid for 10 minutes and they'll still happen just as you walk out of the bathroom.
Scorponix ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:19:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok maybe if youโve held it in too damn long... but in public? Youโre going to actually moan out loud because of your piss in the presence of other people?
boom149 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:21:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I heard moaning once. I really thought this dude was giving birth in the stall or something, nearly 5 full minutes of strained groaning while I waited for my friend to get out of the bathroom.
MaxIsBadd ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:39:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it was your friend
boom149 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Friend is a girl and was in the girls' restroom. I was sitting outside the men's and I could hear this guy from all the way inside.
ajax6677 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:19:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's an app to help you find those kind of bathrooms.
vowelspace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does this app have a name?
FalconFrenulum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:41:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poop Paradise
ajax6677 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I like to be helpful so I actually spent a few minutes searching for a glory hole finder app. The search results gave me a Jesus wallpaper so I think it was trying to tell me something. Lol.
So there isn't an app, but there is definitely a website. http://www.gloryholelist.com/
paulwhite959 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you haven't heard me crap after eating a huge steak.
crowdedinhere ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:00:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only care if the bathroom is small. At my work, the bathroom has 7 stalls. If there's no one next to me then I'll just let it go. But I do wait until the sinks are clear before I go out. Oh and I purposely go to a different floor to shit so my coworkers don't know it's me (recognize my shoes)
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my job there are lots of stalls.
I swear every time I need to go, the next person to come in settles down in the stall directly next to me. The bathroom is otherwise completely empty. What the fuck!
crowdedinhere ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:41:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's always that person! I had a lady go into the stall right next to me and take a diarrhea shit. I think I said "come on!!!!" out loud, hurried up and left
DavidRandom ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:10:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are about 7 stalls and 3 urinals at my work, today the bathroom was empty and I was sitting in the last stall, someone came in, walked to the only stall with a closed door (mine) knocked, knocked again when I didn't answer (because fuck off, there's 6 other empty stalls), when I replied "occupied" he goes into the stall next to mine.
And he was just there to take a piss.
Seriously dude? There's 9 other spots you could take and you knock on the only closed door?
wolf_unbroken ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm one of those people. I need to have someone near me when I shit. It's a comfort thing.
blay12 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:17:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bathroom size and your own identifiability is a key element. I used to work in a large corporate high-rise with a shared bathroom for the floor (our company of ~150 people and one other on the opposite side). The bathroom was huge (15 stalls, 10 urinals or something like that), and I never had any sort of anxiety about taking a shit in there because even if someone heard me, they either wouldn't be able to know it was me or they just wouldn't even know me (different section of my office or different company).
Current company has 20 people, and the mens room in the main office has one stall and one urinal. On top of that, sound (and smells, if they're bad enough) travels out of the bathroom to the 2 offices directly across the hall. It's literally the worst situation ever, and I didn't take a shit at work for the first year or so that I worked there.
Now we've expanded our connected warehouse though, and one of the warehouse spaces we picked up used to be a gym. It's 4 large warehouse bays away from any offices (a solid 50-100 yards through 4 walls/doors), and in the far back corner (literally the absolute farthest you can be away from any office in our building) are 3 completely private single-person bathrooms, complete with loud fans you can switch on and off. It's like heaven, especially compared to how it was earlier. Now, everyone knows that if you're going to one of those you're going to take a shit, but I don't care at all now bc no one will hear it or smell it and know that I chose poorly at dinner the night before.
SnatchAddict ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:44:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a large corporate building. I couldn't care less who hears me or knows.
When I worked for a small business, I hated it. I'd definitely do the wait them out instead of battleshits.
thesmellnextdoor ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:11:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the lady's room at work, sitting next to a stall with grunting and straining noises. I was disgusted and curious so I leaned over a little bit and caught a glimpse of her high heels. They belonged to the prettiest, most prim and proper woman in the building. Every time I saw her after that, I thought about her pooping.
PlatypuSofDooM42 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:15:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My IBS over rides any polite bathroom sounds or smells. I just remind my self this place is here for the sole reason to remove solid and liquid waste from the body. We all know that some sounds and smells are a part of that.
I will still do a courtesy flush because my god the things that come out of me are vile.
PrincessPikapoo ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:02:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hid in a bathroom stall for like 20 minutes once at a rave because I had been drinking and dancing and it could not wait, so I took a poo and listened to a bunch of chicks walk in one after another saying "OMFG it STINKS in here!!!!"
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:20:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
disqeau ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:27:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHO! DOES! NUMBER! TWO! WORK! FOR!
hates_poopin ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:23:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(;ยดเผเบถะเผเบถ`)
marieelaine03 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:22:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then you have people like me who are so awkward they would never poop in a public place ever, even if it was empty :D
breakmedownkayla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi! This is me. I was waiting for someone to say this. I never have
Ksjones8011 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:22:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. Lived in college dorms with shared public bathrooms for 4 years. I would sit there for ages holding it in after someone came in like, bitch I was here first, you flush and leave and come back later like nothing weird happened. I would time it to come back to the dorm when no one was around or go in a never used bathroom in one of my class buildings. Got to be a pro at it. Eventually I think I realized how much time I was wasting and just thought fuck it, let them hear you poop. The only thing k wouldn't do was leave when someone was still there. I didn't want to be remembered by that person as 'oh that's the girl I listened poo that one time.'
MeleeLaijin ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:16:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its 100% a thing. My office's bathroom has about 6 stalls. If someone decides to sit in the stall next to mine I'm going to cut my pooping time short and gtfo out of there lmao. It makes it really hard for me to poop when there is a dude right next to me destroying a toilet.
YouOldCuss ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:09:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your bf is full of shit. Everybody poops. Some people are shy poopers, and some people want everyone in the tri-county area to know that they had 7 tacos from a street vendor. This applies to both men and women.
fiveSE7EN ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what do you do in busy restrooms? Wait 30 minutes for an opening where there's nobody around?
MaxIsBadd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:45:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kind of, yeah
gurg2k1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:29:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a guy and this is a thing in the men's room. I need either complete privacy or a full bathroom. Me and one or two other people is a no go situation.
_AquaFractalyne_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:56:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate when there's a groaner in the stall next to me. Maybe their shit hurts, but damn if it doesn't make me want to punch something lol
Soylentcrackers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:05:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm, is a thing in the mens room.
redroab ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:18:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It definitely is a thing... Your bf is just one of those animals.
Arrow_Riddari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:32:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs 3 am and my dad wakes up at odd hours to use the restroom. Heโd make weird noises (groans, grunts, pants, & this khekhekhe throat clearing noise). I stopped letting him use my bathroom as it would wake me up and be very annoying (bathroom is actually in my room. This was before I had a locked door).
Plus when heโd go, place would be a mess. Water/toilet paper everywhere & it smelled of shit. That also got me annoyed.
tcatron565 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a male, I can attest that your boyfriend is wrong.
o0i81u8120o ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:02:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a guy and I drop massive shits so yeah it's kinda embarrassing knowing I walked into a store bathroom and just nuked that shit with someone sitting 3 feet away. I tried to hold off but sometimes I can't and that shit just goes nuclear.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:05:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
wcdma ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:54:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I'm sitting here wondering. Between the reports of crazy bathroom grunting and the seemingly huge amount of time these people seem to take sitting on the toilet I've decided it must just be an american thing?
j4kefr0mstat3farm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean you don't play battle shits?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you make eye contact?
Pennwisedom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, in my job the toilets are oddly close to each other even though they're in the divider, so half the time I'm too anxious to use it even if there's a person in the other stall period.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know that the bathroom is a room that we, as a society, decided it was ok to poop in, right? That is literally what the room was made for and you're embarrassed about it?
JankaSauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my solve was just to call up my pooping buddy in high school so he could take the stall next to me and it wouldn't be awkward.
mel4529 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i take a shit in public restrooms like it's my private. who cares we all do it and my stomach fucking hurts i don't care if a stranger knows it.
CakiePamy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to take a dump and there was another lady in the stall next to mine taking a dump. We sat there in silence, I didn't want to hear her poop or have her hear me poop. So I played a YouTube. All I know is once she was done she ran out without washing her hands. That was gross.
MeekuhlMatter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea its def a thing in the mens room. I hate it when people talk to me when im pissing, let alone hear me dropping some epic duece. So i just sit there on reddit waiting them to leave. Fucking assholes.
Edit: spelling.
SuperSocrates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's totally a thing in men's rooms.
FeatheredSun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is lying...and I have no idea WHY!
This is DEFINITELY a thing in mens' rooms as well.
Ask him if he has any problem taking the urinal right next to someone else if others are clear. He'll probably lie about that, too! :-)
PM_ME_DEM_FEET ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my experience, I'm usually the outlier being the shy one and most other dudes don't care at all.
At my old job where I was working 10-12hr shifts I started out shy but inevitably I stopped caring after hearing my coworkers blow ass for the 1000th time.
It didn't help that a lot of us ate from a shitty little taco truck and we'd drown the bland meat in hot sauce.
EpilepticAuror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're dating a liar.
WalksLikeADuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I call this the ninja poop. The only reason I even started pooping at work was because I couldnโt leave for 2-3 hours to make it home and back. It used to be great when I lived like 15 minutes from work and could run home at lunchtime.
eww10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is mental thing. I used to be obsessed with the same things, with sounds, awkwardness and while on period with leaving any marks etc. Now I just don't care. We all do the same things and it's amazing how when you're finally comfortable and confident you can make other people in the bathroom uncomfortable with one stare!:)
gustyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm trans, I've been in both ladies and mens bathrooms. I've experienced the poo sit-off in both. Its a universal experience that transcends bathrooms.
erlehr13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a public school teacher and I came into the teachers bathroom after school one day just to pee and was down in one of the end stalls. Another teacher came in just after I sat down and not knowing I was there gave the most vocal performance (from both ends) I have ever experienced, including muttering to herself about her to-do list and how much algebra 1 homework she still had to grade. I sat there afraid to breathe, just thinking how mortified I'd be if I were her and someone emerged from a stall down the way.
We have 130 teachers in our building, I have suspicions about which algebra 1 teacher it was but there are two close contenders... I avoid eye contact with both
Pt5PastLight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Girls are crazy. We all shit and it all sounds the same. Why would I judge another guy for using the toilet for what it's for? It's not like guys can pretend we are tinkling in there, we have urinals for that. I've had guys congratulate me on a loud fart in the bathroom. Girls are in the stalls like Anne Frank.
darthrobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh he is so wrong.
Banshee424 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a guy but I do the same thing! I don't want to know who was making those noises and I don't want them to know who was hearing them. I really freaked out when I remembered that they can see my shoes and might be able to figure out who it was because of that.
iamdorkette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some women will also moan and grunt while masturbating in a public bathroom.
Source: had one of those women in the stall next to me at CVS. 0/10 would not recommend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely a thing in the men's room.
lawrnk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a thing in the menโs room also. We pray for someone to flush so we can let the tide roll.
Tripolite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your bf is lying. We will make our shits as quiet as possible . The mens room is a VERY silent place. No one makes eye contact... no sound except zippers going up and down
idiomaddict ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at work and this showboat of a woman comes into the middle of three stalls (all empty), right ahead of me. I go to a stall next door and she takes a nasty but not desperate sounding dump. I was both awed and a little offended by her stall choice.
mediocrefunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am a male, I don't like it. I try to avoid using public restrooms for number 2 at all costs.
chubbyurma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Men will literally groan the whole time.
Then walk out saying "ooh I'd give it 10 minutes" to the people going in.
I wish I had that kind of confidence.
WarWizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your BF is wrong.
Antnee83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is absolutely a thing in the men's room.
FiliKlepto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Japan is great for this problem because they have little speaker boxes in every toilet stall that play the sound of running water. Originally it was because Japan women were self conscious about others hearing them pee in public and would flush the toilet repeatedly as they went to the bathroom to mask the sound. But I've found it works great for whatever business you need to take care of in the restroom.
AverageCivilian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who moans and grunts when they shit in public?
โOh hey Iโm poopin in public DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURK UUUHHhhhhohyeah...โ
NeverBeenStung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It can definitely be a thing with guys too.
tyrosean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with your bf on this one. Earlier this year I was dumping out at work when I heard someone come in and go to the urinal so I carry on wiping up. The guy finishes up and goes to the sinks and I leave the stall around the same time. Once I open the door I make eye contact with him through the mirror and it's only Michael bloody Fassbender. We had a nice chat after that.
Didn't mention poop once.
but1616 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody poops. Who cares?
seanithanegan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's wrong. This is a thing in the men's room.
DerpPrincess ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:17:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Japan, they are so serious about being awkward of hearing them potty (at least as women Idk about the mens room) that they have this thing called the Sound princess ๏ผalso generally known as a otohime - ใใจใฒใ or ้ณๅงซ๏ผ which you wave your hand over and it makes a flushing sound to mask the sound of you unleashing the demons within or flood gates.
Source: Am lady researching for her future study abroad in Japan. Can confirm with Japanese teacher. xD -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv8W1lNM_kY
Why is this a thing? Well years ago women were so embarassed of someone hearing them potty that they would flush the toilet to mask the sound everytime... Obviously, this wastes huge amounts of water so they come up with the Sound princess. To some it sounds obviously artificial so they will still flush anyway, but it has cut down on water wasting by a good percentage !
tank_of_happiness ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:23:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. I was in the men's room at Penn Station during rush hour. The room was packed and there was a line of people out the door waiting for urinals and stalls. There was a stall that nobody was using because the door was completely ripped off, gone, no door at all. I had to drop a deuce badly so, yeah, I hopped in that stall and took a dump in front of twenty or so people rushing in and out of the bathroom. Honestly, I didn't care. I was soooo happy to let that one go before my ass exploded.
.
Leury29 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 17:50:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the trick. You sit there a bit and build up pressure. Before you can't hold it anymore you let it all go, all at once, while flushing! No one hears a thing. Then... Wipe, wipe. Followed by the "courtesy flush."
Or....I just go into a stall and sit and nap when work gets boring and I'm not needed....
beer_madness ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:53:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus: This is also a great way to minimize the odor.
ciabattabing16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naps hide smells?
onthemarro ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:37:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment gave me life in the middle of a boring lecture.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:33:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to feel that way but now I don't give a shit. Well I did give a shit because I'm not waiting around to impress anyone by not going when I need to go.
Seriously people, just go if you need to go. It makes you look more awkward and self conscious if you sit there for 20 minutes. Fucking own it.
Btw I am gril.
Vince__clortho ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to feel this way. Not anymore. Everybody poops. Plus anyone who is looking at people's shoes to see who just took the monster shit in the bathroom is way weirder than me and my poop. Right? Right??
42Weasels ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:56:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the opposite. I want to be as loud as possible so my coworkers don't know I'm laughing at people on Reddit.
ChubbsDaddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:07:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to struggle with this, but have learned to flush the toilet right as I'm about to poop so it hides my noises. Makes me feel more comfortable tbh.
GypsySnowflake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get this at all. That's literally what the bathroom is for. Just do it!
Vandurr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pro Life Tip: I always let it go and flush at the same time, it works like a charm.
lihoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:04 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ew the water fucking splashes up then
Vandurr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:44 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's better than the awkwardness
lihoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:36 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id take seeing someone walking out of a stall over having some fluid up my ass
THE1NONLY1-1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I just don't understand.
Like big deal, everyone shits, no need to be overly-sensitive about the noises you make.
Rikolas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:03:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once had that awkward stand off between us 2 shitters. The other guy let out a rather loud, long, comedy-esq fart that echoed and I literally cracked up laughing, couldn't contain it, so he then laughed in retaliation and then I then laughed harder, and in my laugh, I farted too, so he then laughs at my fart and both of us are howling laughing while farting and shitting.
I no longer have problems shitting with someone else in the stall.
Burt343 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is too late but why don't they just play music in toilets to drown out any noise ๐ฅ
daydreamer0923 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So my dad told me this story of how when my little brother was a toddler, he and my dad went into the bathroom together and in the next stall over, some dude was pooping or farting but it was like super loud noises and my brother burst out into laughter at the noises that were coming from this stranger in the next stall over.
Dydegu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs why you hit the flusher and let loose so they donโt hear.
NottaGrammerNasi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow it loud, blow it proud!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trust me I've heard some pretty crazy shit going on in public bathrooms. Grunting, moaning, screaming, etc. some people just don't care
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I play music on my phone. If people care, that's on them. I need my noise, and when you need something that's a responsibility.
brxnd0n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
courtesy flush takes care of this
Thunderbridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't mind doing this, as long as I can finish and get outta the before they finish. As long as I maintain my anonymity, I don't care how loud and foul I am
Kootsiak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The noises that come out of my broken ass (IBS) would make everyone think my normal shits are a total asshole destruction. It's best for all involved that I reduce my public shittings and just suffer incredible pain until I know I can be alone.
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I poop at work a lot. This isn't true for most people there. No shame. No holding back. Just fecal barrages and no grasp of the concept of a simple COURTESY FLUSH! ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO MARINATE IN IT? WHY KEEP IT UNDER YOU FOR SO LONG? I AM WORKING MINE OUT STILL AND CAN'T BREATHE NOW!
LeaveTheMatrix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I make it a game.
If someone is in the stall next to mine, I will exaggerate grunts and so on.
Wait for them to get up before I get up, so we meet on the way out, then just stare at them while washing hands.
The more people involved the better if you can time it right cause no one can be to sure who the "grunter" was.
suthernjustice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in high school me and 2 other guys used to have a chew poo at lunch. We would to sit there for 25 minutes while chewing, shitting, and chatting. We were weirdly comfortable hearing each other shit every day for 3 years straight lol
Black_Magic100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put headphones in an blare the music so you can't hear shit.
No pun intended
cittatva ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man! Own that shit! โUuuuuuuuung ploop oh yeah!โ Then you can confidently make eye contact and smile on your way out. โYeah, I made that shit my bitch.โ Theyโd die laughing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trust me. At my job (office job) people be sounding like cannons behind those doors. You can literally feel the tread marks being left in the bowl. I time my shits, and it is never at work. Too awkward. Avoid at all costs
Silound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it and own it. Nothing like sharing last night's double-habanero chicken curry with cucumber yogurt sauce, sauteed vegetables, cream cheese pastry, and bottle(s) of unpasteurized beer.
Bonus points if you have decent control over your colon trumpet and can make different ranges of sounds.
Cephied ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my old office building I would never poop on my floor. I'd go down a flight or two, but then would inevitably run into someone I knew on that floor and they'd be like "what ya doing down here?".
Most days I'd ride home on my scooter with a turtle head sticking out of my ass.
ChrisTaveras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a time in senior year in high school some dude rushed into the bathroom closed the door and in 5 seconds all you could hear was: "AGHHHHHH FLRBTTTTTTTT......aghhhhh..... ahhhh"
That shit gave me a good laugh
blurio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speak for yourself, i try to poop even harder when someone's in the next stall. Assert dominance.
Motoshade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to be the same way until I HAD to take a shit in an infantry rifle range bathroom, sitting inches away from the next guy shitting with no divider. Our discussion was about the poisonous spiders that were beneath us in the open sewer and our situation being on the crazy side.
Any public toilet feels like a luxury now.
RenegadeCookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I combat this feeling of awkwardness by telling myself that I'm asserting dominance by shitting. The louder, the better, like my ass is saying, "Yeah, you listen to the flow of my bodily waste! This is MY bathroom, bitch!"
TypewriterKey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:20:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A coworker of mine used to bitch about this all the time so I started making a point of noticing when he would go to the bathroom and would often go shortly after and sit in the stall next to him (I could see his shoes under the door). I did this to him for something like 3 years before I told him. He says it's the most evil thing anyone has ever done to him. Had a good laugh.
-poop-in-the-soup- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:49 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody poops.
ipod_waffle ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:28:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my job there's only 6 guys. 5 of us are in the same area and the last is one door away. I think we all just try to shit outside of work if possible
Mammal-k ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:21:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many people say this and I've never got it. It's just a poo. Everybody poos! Can you shed any light on why?
ipod_waffle ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:42:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't speak for everyone but I just prefer to poo in peace.
bazookaStargun ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 19:55:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to freeze up and play the waiting game, until a friend and coworker sat down in the stall next to me. I recognized her shoes and straight up asked her if she was here to poop. She was. So I said, "Look Stef, let's both go for it on the count of three."
I have no trouble shitting in the presence of other people now.
DatThundersnatchDoe ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:57:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I very much admire your bravery.
uneasysloth ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 18:32:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit-off.
GameStunts ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:41:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, glad to see someone else was on my wavelength.
Citizen01123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:52:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. We're like sharing a stream of conscious. Similar to how animals in captivity will learn traits or tricks taught to other animals of the same species without ever being introduced.
sWAMPcRIP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:21:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Battle shits
terkla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ol' Shy Shitter Showdown.
Ginger_1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:30:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, the battle of the poop wills. This can be a tricky game though, trying to wait it out has resulted in some rather explosive and far more embarrassing situations, when your poop-chute gives out... and then you have to sit and count stallmates and make sure there is no one left in the bathroom that can identify you as the person playing the butt-bugle in stall 3.
Taukstofish ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:31:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow there are people like me
Reavie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Typically I just release the valve and let it go, but then I make sure I can get out without being seen by my poop pals, which to me seems like the best of both worlds. I only wait though if it's a place where I might know them; freeway rest stop patrons beware.
Ginger_1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:43:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't know anybody, there's no shame. I'm just going to let it happen.
SubtleMockery ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:41:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck happened to us as a species. We used to hunt mammoths.
Specksynder1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:58:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Earplugs.
You lose, but you don't care.
I_am_a_Sad_Fish ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:52:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this once, except I dropped my phone and it slid out of the stall. So not only did I have to look the person in the eye, but I had to ask for my phone back.
mattharris2909 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahahha had this exact scenario last week at work and we both sat in awkward silence for so long the lights switched off.
feliperisk ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:50:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate and I refer to this as the shit stalemate. Oldest trick in the book...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:20:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an international crisis that needs to be addressed. I'm tired of these battles, since I usually lose and either get up and leave or unleash an embarrassing fury of fire and shit.
surferNerd007 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:42:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea in my office - stall meetings are a thing - you are arguably in a position of power when you're negotiating with someone pinching one off - in the vice Versa position - I can also let the demons loose if my boss makes a pain in the ass request
CirceHorizonWalker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God....itโs the patient poopers. My sister will wait you out until the end at work. I donโt care, I poop, clean up, wash my hands and on to something else as there is still complete silence in the two other stalls in the rest room.
chironomidae ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:44:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pooping in a stall next to someone who is also pooping is my version of hell. I will go to great lengths to keep it from happening.
gurldont ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I call this a poop stand off and I usually am the loser.
wordnerd76 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:32:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I sit in silence even when I donโt have to poop because I wanna see how long the other person will wait before just shitting already! I mean, what else do I have to do on a break at work?
Kenziesarus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:04:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I normally work out of an office in another suburban part of town; however, my company is switching computer systems so everyone is taking turns going to training at headquarters downtown. After lunch, my stomach started cramping really bad. I was able to wait until the end of the day for anything unholy to happen, but I knew I wouldn't make the drive home. So I rushed into the first floor ladies room and barely made it into a stall before all burning hell let loose.
Right I sat, my boss walks in on her phone, hangs up and goes into the stall next to me. Normally if I were at my own office I'd let nature call, but this woman has the direct power to determine what happens with my career. Like if I ever want a raise or a promotion or a recommendation or to just not be fired, then it's probably a good idea to keep her happy.
I've never clenched so hard in my life. I thought I was going to faint.
I think though she was didn't like to use the bathroom with other people because I swear she sat there silently for what felt like hours but what was probably like five minutes.
I could only imagine one outcome: passing out pants down and falling off the toilet. My poor sphincter unable to hold back any more letting loose, would spill like the Hoover Damn meeting the world's supply of dynamite.
Eventually she left and the gates of hell unleashed their fiery lava. But that was the most intense Mexican standoff I've ever had.
ritchie70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK that's just rude.
If there are people waiting get up off your ass and get out.
ionwesker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:49:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Headphones and music make this easier.
Dark_Lotus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a place where the toilet was so fucking low and awkwardly vortexed that the second you sat down your ass was forcefully spread open and every single bit of air in your body was instantly evacuated and the shape of a toilet was like an echo chamber of acoustics. I would have to hold back giggling every time I peed and someone else went in the stall
TheThreeRangers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do that at work but then I started bringing my ipod with me. Now I just turn up the music really loud and proceed to rip ass without shame. If I can't hear it, no one can!
donemessedupthistime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whilst we're talking about weird things we all apparently do in the bathroom stalls but never really acknowledge, does anyone else ever get worried that someone will open the door whilst you're in there?
Like, you know you locked it, but sometimes when the toilet is busy people will try the door just to see if it's occupied, and then you just kind of lunge for the inside handle... but it's okay, because you locked it. But you still lunge every time, just in case this is the one time you forgot.
Ifeelstronglyabout ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're telling me. I'm locked in battle as we speak.
illneverforget2015 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A sit off .. awesome
praeceps93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty certain I'm the secondary guy at this exact moment. I walked in and there's been radio silence from the other stall, even though I can see the dude's shoes and hear him shifting around. I feel so powerful
MotherPucker1216 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/cZO9tMetxno
baroqueandsaxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, on the count of 3, 1...2...
hellnukes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am pretty sure that is one way to get hemorrhoids
TheHenry27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm doin that right now
sidekickbananaduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
lemonfluff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A shit off (Y)
helpdebian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is maddening because after 10 minutes I want to give up and leave, but I am now worried he might want to do the same thing, and then we might have to see each other and make small talk or something. So do I risk going out now, or just continue to wait him out?
PM_ME_IN_A_WEEK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daily occurrence for me. I'm pee shy. It is so fucking annoying.
We only have two stalls, for extra awkwardness.
infinitezero8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too real
me_llamo_greg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One guy who works in my building seems to always end up in the stall next to me just seconds after I sat down on the toilet. He always watches YouTube videos with the volume up and vapes he shits, while I desperately wish he would leave so I can let the beer shits loose.
OlDirtyBurton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just let it rip and laughter ensues.
marsmedia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does anyone poop without a phone?
MattTilghman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're just bad at the unwritten rules of the subliminal signals regarding whose turn it is to finish up and leave!
Dinosamba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This truly happened to me once, and by God I will never let my pride consume me like that again.
grayum_ian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure thats a shit off, of a mexican shit off, to be specific.
twopeasinapoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit off*
JimJimJimBob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i usually just uh, use the washroom.
its what they're made for.
Kroniq_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This usually happens to me in bars. Except they usually have one shitter and a line forms.
So I just break the ice by saying something and then throw a few satisfactory grunts out there lol.
I like bars.
snowboardMT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's always the worst when the bathroom is silent too. Give me some background music or a fan at least!
luckyhunterdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually bear down harder and let it blast. That way i can make it out of the bathroom before the other person seeing me, and they get to deal with my destructive wake instead of the other way around.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I drop loads when somebody uses the Hand dryer.
papaskank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like we have a good ol' stand off in this here bathroom.
Dewthedru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldnโt that be a shit-off?
kegstand1108 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that what reddit is for...?
08mms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stare at them and say, "so you've got to shit, eh?"
Doiihachirou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In these cases I usually sit in complete silence and they never even know I'm in there
merlwizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is usually me, but earlier this week a student came in, sat in the next stall, (I work at a university) and he was was actively singing to kpop from his headphones while furiously taking a dump.
Checkmate. Iโve never wiped so fast in my life.
matt0707 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had this happen to me but the bathroom had 5 or 10 minute timed sensor lights. About 10 minutes into the battle we were both left in pitch black darkness. THAT was awkward.
3PinkPotatoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Learn to harness the power of the flush.
spermface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I made up my mind that when this happens I just give up all shame and shit with abandon. 9/10 times the other person is freed from their societal bond and harmonizes in a great cacophony.
TimothyGonzalez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially cause my previous job had these bullshit saloon doors with lots of space at the bottom and top. You could here every vibration the moist buttholes of your pooping colleagues were making in the other stalls. Who the fuck comes up with those bullshit doors?
TK-427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our work bathroom is a dead zone with no wifi.
I also somehow manage to time my morning coffee poop for the exact moment the cleaning crew is in there.
match_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If someone else comes in and I'm on the can, I'll give them a brief period of time to take care of their business.
But if I feel they are milling about and not really making an effort to sensibly vacate the restroom, I will unleash hell upon them. I'm talking a double pumping, cheek flapping, anus whistling, dive for cover-judgement day is nigh upon you, bowel movement.
I am King of the Commode. My judgement is swift. My wrath, complete.
Apatheticforcredit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a pro tip for this, plug your ears. If you can't hear it, no one can.
sushiface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A POOP STALEMATE.
This is too real. I'm a vicious competitor.
Verismo1887 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't poop related, but there's this bathroom at the (tiny) school I went to that was a weird undefined unisex bathroom with two stalls. It's late and no one's around so I go to stall A, and right when I'm about to flush, in walks a female staff person to sit in stall B. I'm a guy so this is particularly awkward, but rather than just get it over and done with, she takes a phone call for 5 minutes...
I don't think I've ever breathed less for a full 10 minutes in my life
bitsy88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assert dominance. Poop first. Added bonus, you get done first so if someone else comes in while you're washing your hands, the person still pooping is blamed for the whole ungodly stench. Nothing more embarrassing than stinking up a bathroom only to have someone come in before you flee the crime scene, make eye contact, and know you made that foul odor.
hellosquirtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the old poop standoff
Dr_barfenstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean ... a shit off
bleedingfingaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A shit off you mean.
PoopNow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put a couple of sheets of toilet paper in the bowl before you poop. It quiets the sound, there's no splash, and it keeps the toilet clean. The only problem is if you use too much toilet paper overall, you might clog it. You really need to be good at guessing your pre and post poop toilet paper ratios.
BLAHFUK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I race to shit first and try to gag them out.
Psycosilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went in bathroom to poop at work 2 weeks ago (new job too), someone else who works there (employee only area) came in the bathroom crying talking on the phone in Spanish. I know some Spanish but this was really fast crying Spanish and I didn't understand any of it. Felt like forever for her to leave.
The-Dumb-Asian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The stall stall
dccox7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who doesnt bring their phone to poops?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shit showdown
samblink18209 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always felt like this is a female thing. I don't think guys do it.
my1stusernamesucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My go-to in these moments is to break the tension with a 10 hour YouTube video of all kinds of fart noises. They laugh, I laugh, we both feel better and wipe our butts. Not each others' butts tho.
fauxmosexual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've just got to three-stage it: When you enter the cubicle, wait until anyone who saw you enter the cubicle has left. Commence shitting. Then wait until anyone who heard you shit has left before exiting the stall.
It's ok for people to hear you shit if they can't pick you out of a line up afterwards.
sminchdawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A shit off
dumbledorethegrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone with Crohn's Disease, sometimes there is just no waiting, so I've gotten over that.
Sometimes, though, people will walk in talking on their phone. To that, two words: No. Mercy.
cockinstien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you just start making bad shit noises and say oh this is gonna take a while! I hate when people sit there forever too!
MeatMeintheMeatus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve given up on this. I just cover my ears and rip ass.
PinkSatanyPanties ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this, but then I worked/lived at a summer camp all summer and lost all of my poop anxiety.
Rulebreaking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I normally just poop, iy normally eases the tension of having the scaredy poops.
StruggleBusPass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been blessed with severe IBS so I've mastered getting my shit done. I just flush when things gets rowdy, but my evacuation is fairly speedy. Honestly I've had enough sit offs in public restrooms and I am over it.
H2Ospecialist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh yes the pool stale mate or stall mate if you will
XtremeGnomeCakeover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If someone else comes in to poop, it's your duty to finish as quickly as possible, even if that means making noise. You can wash your hands while they wait for you to leave, and they can start pooping, now you've made the first splash.
SirRogers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People at my office do this, but its worse because they don't observe the buffer zone. They seem to go out of there way to shit right next to me. There are closer stalls, but they'll go to the one right beside mine. Why??
flamedarkfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why does it seem like being a shy pooper is the norm? I might not like going in public restrooms but when I do I destroy them almost immediately. Iโm that guy you hear blasting off, and Iโm fucking proud of that.
[deleted] ยท 2953 points ยท Posted at 15:57:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, I do that like once a week.
[deleted] ยท 1356 points ยท Posted at 16:15:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
PhotoBattleAx ยท 3257 points ยท Posted at 16:46:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I care. I sit in bathrooms all day just to inform people that their bowel movement stinks.
Futureofrobots ยท 423 points ยท Posted at 17:28:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too and I take notes in my notebook for future reference.
whitepupper ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:33:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Robby took a huge shit today, he didn't flush so I got my measuring tape and the damn thing was 17 inches long, new school record"
optigrabz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:25:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He needs a utensil to break that up.
whitepupper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:46 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know just the guy
FuckYouYoureDumb ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:20:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could post a stank-log with a description of the smell, and the person who left it. Post one in every bathroom in town!
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:12:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smelp
Soulren ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:23:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brb copyrighting.
bonsall ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:37:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm making that app as soon as I get home tonight!
jetsetter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/smelp
bonsall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a really good chanve I wont deliver unless someone wants to pay for a webserver.
jetsetter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There shouldnโt be. Web servers cost $5 a month.
Atohmik7 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:29:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear diarya
MisterMeatball ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:27:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Notes? Pfff amatuer. I take video.
paedrarmy1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:09:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A valid, yet brave strategy
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:37:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Bill, I see you took my recommendation and you're eating less broccoli. keep it up!"
jhutchi2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean I'm not the only one with a log log?
infinitezero8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"From the smell of Jim's load it was definitely taco night last night at his house and from the taste in the air he used a turkey substitute"
K242 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:11:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today, some dude busted into the stall next to mine and as soon as hits trousers hit the floor, there was a disturbing splattering sound. He continued to strain while breathing extremely heavily and making strange whimpering/moaning sounds. Surprisingly, it didn't smell that bad. He was wearing some nice shoes. Maybe he ate something bad.
shadevalley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my old job there was only one bathroom for 8 guys... We had a poop log.
Smokeya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have to get pictures of their shoes as well to put next to the notes like their profile icons. Then name them something like shit smelt like "two day old taco bell".
Get professional with it and youll get far in life!
mikeeg555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Captain's Log...
fat-lip-lover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I keep binders full of women... I mean shit. shit
colinnium ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 18:17:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no joke, about a week ago I was taking a shit in a public bathroom and someone walked in and muttered to themselves "it smells like shit in here!"
ghunt81 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 18:38:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Such an astute observation on his part
kemushi_warui ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:17:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*ass-toot.
underwriter ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:21:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
its a fucking bathroom shithead
noodlesandpizza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:53:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"yeah no shit"
Macktologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:58:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are the person that haunts my nightmares.
starmancer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:35:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. You're afraid that when he leaves the bathroom, his final words will be, "You stink, dude. You stink."
micromoses ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:17:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should also let them know whether they were making too much noise, or if their pooping noises are abnormal or inappropriate in some way.
DatThundersnatchDoe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:58:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus fucking Christ I have a new anxiety.
My_Positive_Account ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:15:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you.
pilotsam8 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:00:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Firestorm1011 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you too.
self_of_steam ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:35:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I know what it smells like a foot inside you"
hmmblueeyes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:44:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the thing I'm sensitive about!
Virgin_nerd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:28:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thereโs actually a guy at my work that โshitsโ like six times a day. It seems like he intentionally waits until I go to the bathroom, sneaks in after Iโm in a stall and then tells me about how my shit stinks.
dI--__--Ib ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew it!
flameguy21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like it would be an Earthbound NPC.
DiscipleofOden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!redditsilver
infinitezero8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:49:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My worst nightmare when dropping a load at work.
snikrz70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to help an elderly gentleman at work (nursing home) the other night. He is usually able to make it to the restroom on his own, but he didn't this time. As I was cleaning him up he says "Whoo-wee that stinks!" I couldn't help but laugh and said "Well, did you think it was going to smell like roses?" I hope he has a good sense of humor.
lucipherius ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone else's shit stinks except mine.
metalmtgnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm still laughing at this
SenselessTragedy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:27:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You and I have the same fetish, nice.
NamesArentEverything ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for your service.
PhotoBattleAx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:52:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just hope my sacrifice makes the world just a little better.
DothrakAndRoll ยท 246 points ยท Posted at 17:10:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's an unreasonable personal shame. I know everyone does it, I'd still prefer to be courteous to not put someone through my rapid fire jailbreak or whatever the shit of that particular day is, and I'd rather just be alone to do that.
Sure, we all have to shit. Some of us just don't want to look people in the eye after doing it in front of them.
dI--__--Ib ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:37:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man how good would it be if soundproofing was standard in toilets?
DothrakAndRoll ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:37:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dream of this utopia.
CobynKwame ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:20:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bathrooms at the Four Seasons in Baltimore, MD are their own little enclosed rooms with a fan, real wood for the walls and door. If I ever needed extra incentive to be rich, that would be it. Honestly, I'd settle for a bathroom where people can't see me through the huge gaps in the door and my pants and feet aren't on public display. Who the fuck made those stalls thinking that was a fucking brilliant idea. I'd attack his/her family and descendants if I couldn't get to them.
hyper_vigilant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:11:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the same idiot who came up with cubicles.
DothrakAndRoll ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe so people know if someone is in there? or for water to not build up? Or so you can slide under if there's an emergency and the stall door jams? I'm not sure. I'm just shitballin' here.
MyShout ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:30:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or because all of the above, and it's fuckin' cheaper.
kingarthas2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:14:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a baaaad one last week and of course our bathrooms are right next to the loading bay and that day was catchup day for the stockers/managers i guess. I don't think anybody heard but it was bad. Then again nobody ever suspects the janitor of dropping a stink nuke
Vid-Master ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:20:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am more worried I will start laughing to ease the awkwardness, which makes it more awkward
DothrakAndRoll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would ease the awkwardness!
Captain_Gainzwhey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:42:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just never look anyone in the eye ever.
DothrakAndRoll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would really weird me out.
hates_poopin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:22:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โ(๏พใฎ๏พโ)
CaptainImpavid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heck with that. Be proud. What feels better than wrapping up a good shit? Or maybe it was a grueling session that leaves you feeling like you've won some kind of serious struggle. Barely won, but hey any crash you walk away from right? You triumphed. Wear it proudly on your sleeve* instead of hiding it shamefully. Lock eyes, and know that you feel better now that it's done than most people will all day.
*don't literally do this. Flush it down you shitsmeared whackadoo.
NearHadesEdge ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 16:25:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The problem is I think they do.
BobRawrley ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 20:14:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And we're telling you they don't.
Doctor__Proctor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:01:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And others are telling you they are. There's two camps, and you'll never know if that guy washing his hands as you exit the stall is judging you or not. Best just to wait.
BobRawrley ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't it be "best" to not live your life in fear of others judging you for doing something literally every human being does on an almost-daily basis?
Doctor__Proctor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:15:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, "best" is just never shitting in public, then there's zero risk of judgement. However, sometimes my love of spicy foods makes this impossible.
DAMN YOU TACOS RAPIDOS!!!
killer8424 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:43:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk man, I've taken some shits I wouldn't want traced back to me.
ElRoach0 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:44:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like hearing my co-workers bowl movements. I find myself judging them harshly when they have absurdly loose sounding BM's.
As a courtesy, i try to eat well, as so not to put them in the same position.
famalamo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:43:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've waited for a single stall, walked in, and said "Jesus fuckin christ" out of disgust for the smell.
I may just be the guy that cares
sn0qualmie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:33:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, I once had someone in a public restroom rant at me for three solid minutes from outside my stall because she was offended by the smell of my shit. Ten seconds in, I resolved to stay hidden in the stall for as long as it took for her to get tired of it and leave.
HotSauceHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear to God there is an unspoken rule in my town that nobody can take a shit in a public restroom. I am the only one who's ever done it. I've never gone into a shit-smelling public restroom in this town and I've lived here for years. But I'm not from here, so I didn't get the memo.
It's a hard life.
*edit: wording
mark84gti1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody poops.
MintberryCruuuunch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i do
RandomlyBasic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
hiddenalien ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:39:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly not a woman
nothingweasel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this often at work. It's not about what I did in the stall but for some reason, thinking about someone else watching me wash my hands gives me anxiety. Like after 26 years I'll find out that I'm doing it wrong? I don't know, man but this is a thing I deal with. It's hell when the bathroom is busy.
Doctor__Proctor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:57:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I care, and constantly judge the horrific sounds emanating from the stalls when I have to take go into the bathroom at work. Sometimes I even tell other people about them. "Honey, I swear, it sounded like machine gun fire."
Edit: This is also why I never shit in public, and when I do, I will wait 10 minutes if I have to in order to make sure that I don't leave while sometime else is in there.
mattBJM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a bathroom is the one place this is ever true
JamEngulfer221 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do things not with the worry that people will be like some made up person, but with the worry that everyone else is like me.
hates_poopin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
honkhonkbeepbeeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a place where our area was the only one with a single-person accessible restroom instead of the ones with tiny stalls (old building). People would come from other departments to shit in it. The person who sat within view of it would keep data and share it with the rest of us.
aghrivaine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. Even if it's abysmally noisy and stinky - you know, everyone does it, and even if mine today is stealthy and polite, the day will come when mine is shockingly aggressive. In all my years of wasting time in the shitter at work, only once has someone else's business been worthy of notice - a guy who let fly with a non-stop braying of flatulence that just went on and on without pause. Like, far longer than if you had inhaled a deep breath and were making fart noises for as long as you possibly can. I was astonished - unaware that the human intestinal tract could hold that much air, and deeply concerned for the person who'd managed to pack it so full.
Other than that? Do your business, captain, no one cares.
me_llamo_greg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if I had the beer shits and couldn't help but letting all hell loose while my boss is in the stall next to me? I don't need that kind of judgement. I mean, the judgement is going to happen, I just don't need to be confronted by it while I'm washing my hands.
stop_the_broats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs not the fact that you took a shit that youโre hiding from, itโs the details of your shit. Noises youโve made, smells, flush success, and time taken are all embarrassing variables.
Tf2idlingftw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I have to hear you having a wank while heavily breathing and moaning slightly on the other side of the cubical door though, then I care.
PlasmaLink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, one time in 2nd grade I'd recently started holding in my farts instead of letting rip whenever. So at some point I went to the washroom, and right as I sit down, some other guys come in to the washroom and start talking. Now, I'm holding in a massive fart comprised of other, smaller, farts that I've held in, and these 2 guys are just chatting away. I manage to hold for like 10 seconds, and then just let rip. I think it was the largest fart I'd ever had at that point in my life.
One guy just yells "THAT'S DISGUSTING!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:57:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daily
available_username2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:48:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I poop in public like about once a year. Maybe.
Doctor__Proctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same
jaybuck34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daily over here.
miserybusiness21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You shitting?
b1ack1323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When someone else is in a stall in the bathroom on the floor of my office building I go down a floor, I work on the fifth floor and have made it to the basement.
molovin3k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should try pooping once a day it feels great
Greg_allan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, I'm literally doing that right now.
absolutemonsterxx ยท 544 points ยท Posted at 17:54:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember in grade school the stall I was using ran out of toilet paper so I had to crawl underneath to the next stall to get toilet paper. It was so traumatizing.
boom149 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:31:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For the first few years of elementary school, my school didn't have toilet paper in the stalls and just had one big roll by the sinks that you had to take from before you went in. I'd always forget and have to ask kids on the outside to pass me some from under the stall door. We actually had a whole system where two kids would pair up and take turns holding the other's stall door closed while they went (a lot of the doors were semi-broken) and passing them TP when needed.
The teachers were totally baffled by this and started telling us not to do it. Those bastards with their single bathrooms didn't understand that it was necessary, lol.
absolutemonsterxx ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:35:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol ghetto school life
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:34:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yea but i bet some of those formed lasting friendships
dude guards your door and hands you more tp as needed... that's a bro if i ever heard of one
jaybuck34 ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 19:58:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What did the guy in the next stall do?
absolutemonsterxx ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:22:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was no one there obviously
MyFistStinks ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 21:04:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So why the fuck didn't you go out and into the next stall through the fucking door Captain Obvious?
absolutemonsterxx ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:48:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if someone comes into the washroom when I leave the stall
MyFistStinks ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 21:54:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah you're right. Lying inbetween stalls with your trousers round your ankles flopping around like a shitty arsed trout is a much less awkward encounter.
absolutemonsterxx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:01:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most people don't purposely look under stalls
Quinntheeskimo33 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:50:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So in hindsight you still think you took the correct action?
absolutemonsterxx ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:53:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it was really uncomfortable. I probably should've just walked out.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:17:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Germophilia is real.
jaybuck34 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:28:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, I think there is a gloryhole involved in this story... we just haven't heard about it yet.
absolutemonsterxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sorry the toilet paper roll didn't fit through the gloryhole
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
asking the real questions
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of mistake you make once. I always double check now.
monster860 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:08:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had the same thing happen except none of the stalls had any toilet paper.
Doctor__Proctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this as well. I learned that day to always check the supply of there's an emergency and I have to actually use a public restroom.
wowimnotcreative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that once as a child in a Red Lobster, right as an old lady was walking into the stall. Iโve since moved and that was years and years ago but Iโve never eaten at a Red Lobster since
absolutemonsterxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm glad I'm not the only one
R0K3TC4T ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NNNNNHIIHHIHIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!~
gy123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this... Many times lol
taco_anus1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once got stuck in a bathroom at work for an hour because no one would bring me TP. It was only one stall.
Cobbleking32486 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to do this 2 months ago.
sirreldar ยท 1386 points ยท Posted at 17:10:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into a bathroom once and i knew it was going to be explosive (but not urgent). I was praying it would be mostly empty. It was completely packed. There was one open stall, one open urinal, and a line for the sinks. I made a quick assessment and decided I could hold it for ten minutes. But of course, how weird would I look if I just walked into a bathroom and walked out? So i went to the urinal where i stood there for 10 seconds, waited in line to wash my hands, and came back later.
dI--__--Ib ยท 447 points ยท Posted at 18:41:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too real.
eaterofdog ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 20:22:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL I would have leapt into the open stall and taken an absolute monster farting shit that sounds like someone dumping meat into a pond and cleared the fucking bathroom. Then I don't have to wait for the sink.
thenshesays ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 20:54:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UUGHHHHHH
LonrSpankster ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:59:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amen to that. There's like 8 stalls in my office bathroom, so it's always a butthole symphony going on.
copycutter ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:22:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally in tears, this is perfect.
disqeau ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:33:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. My cat is freaking out and Iโm choking on wine.
MTknowsit ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:50:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a large office building. The first floor restrooms serve about 1/3 the population that the upper floors do. I routinely go to first floor to take a dump because it's the only place I can do it in peace.
IgnoreTheRumors ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:11:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a person who works on the first floor in a similar setup....I hate you. Like clockwork, every day people from the upper floors slink down in order to take the most ass-plosive shits, then quickly scurry back upstairs leaving us poor bastards below to deal with the horrible aftermath.
Tourniquet ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:51:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit rolls downhill
fubadubdub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:07:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man I'm laughing my ass off. I worked on the 2nd floor for a few years, and would walk to the basement bathrooms attached to the gym just to take dumps. Sometimes I'd stop half way next to the lobby on the first floor.
bg-j38 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work for a big company and our campus has like 30 buildings. It can get pretty cut throat finding a toilet especially about an hour after lunch. There's always some floors of buildings that are empty due to the normal movement of teams as facilities shifts people around as they grow and shrink. I routinely search through our employee directory to find floors that are currently empty or mostly empty so I can go poop in peace. I've walked a few blocks to get to the perfect bathroom.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
respect
I'm located at the company HQ but it's just one building, so all I have to do is keep going up another flight of stairs if the current one has unsatisfactory restrooms. (I could wander around the floor, but that runs the risk of running into random colleagues. Easier to just check the restrooms near the stairwell.)
mattk1017 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trickle down crapnomics.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, I take several flights of stairs up (bonus exercise for my middleaged ass) and use the sales team's restroom (they have a floor all to themselves, but they're almost never in the office). Of course i make sure to leave the place as pristine as i found it, you never want to fuck up a good thing.
I mean, I visited the warehouse guys' restroom once. Once was enough.
The_Ion_Shake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:49:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's so true! The first floor usually has an internal toilet that staff use, plus an external toilet for visitors that requires an access card or something, but no-one really uses.
GenghisBob ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:33:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've definitely walked into a restroom like that with the same feeling and actually just said "Nope" and turned around to walk out.
Sometimes, it isn't worth it.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:08:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
drivebyjustin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OH MY GOD
That is terrible. Haha, man.
rivershimmer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:01:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll duck into an stall for 10 seconds to adjust my bra strap or something. Afterwards, I always go the sink and wash my hands, just because I don't want to be that person that leaves the stall and walks out of the restroom without washing my hands.
BeraldGevins ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:08:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably would have taken the stall and awkwardly held it until the bathroom cleared out. At least then you can just scroll reddit/Facebook while you wait. Hell, you could put some headphones in and watch something on Netflix
The_Freshmaker ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:34:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but if there's a packed house you've got plausible deniability, power in numbers man blast that shit.
Cptnwalrus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey Bill, did you see that guy come in and upon seeing how packed the bathroom is, leave?"
"Yeah what a fucking weirdo let's never forget this and talk about it behind his back for years to come haha!"
sdreal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:41:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Normally I would just wash my hands and try again later. But maybe the line was prohibitive.
foxymcfox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why, when I need to deuce, I exclusively use one of the two bathrooms reserved for visitors. They're single serving affairs with privacy, marble everything, all the legroom you could imagine, a sink in there too, and even some mouth wash, mints, and air freshener.
It is my Shangri-La! And I have to go 4 floors away to get to it!
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:47:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh, our visitors' loo is down on the lobby floor, and while it's great, you need to walk through the lobby to get to it. No bueno.
Instead i walk up to the sales' team's floor because they're practically never in, and use their loo. I try to keep it as pristine as I found it though, don't wanna screw up a good thing.
foxymcfox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:59:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have a conference and guest floor. Using back staircases it's pretty easy to get to the guest restroom without being seen, or seeing another human.
I'm glad you found your fortress of solitude though!
The_Ion_Shake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The most awkward thing is bumping into another person who has figured out the same thing.
BareBonesEnt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In that situation I'll stall at the urinal until everyone leaves or wash my hands for awhile if people are taking awhile. Once the last person leaves I'll turn around and go into the stall.
Iscarielle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah man, I have a shy bladder, and if I'm tense from a long car ride or something it's even worse. So many times I've stood in front of a urinal for about 30 seconds, managed to piss two drops, decided the situation was too awkward/futile, and left.
FinallyWoken32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve done the female equivalent of this, went into a stall... waited a minute, flushed, left, and went to find a different bathroom lol.
spluge96 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:14:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should be a post on it's own. Awkward af. But low key.
sophmorph ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:13:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To shit silently: put up the toilet seat, sit up straight so your ass is right above the water, don't push too hard. Let your poo break the surface tension of the water before it falls, thus eliminating noise.
foxymcfox ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:44:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh sweet summer child. You must be young if your poos are that controlled and predictable.
fubadubdub ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:08:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, look at the guy who didn't eat Jimmy deans biscuits for breakfast and XXX Hungry man for lunch.
foxymcfox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:52:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't want to live in a world with people who DON'T respect those as the key food staples of the Americas.
Wess_Mantooth_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I just power through it in any and all situations and let know all those who can hear of my furious toilet justice
JediGuyB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I take comfort in knowing I am not the only person who has done this.
alphadynasty ยท 139 points ยท Posted at 17:26:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The worst is when they're in their doing nothing the whole time then get up to leave as soon as you're done. Wtf were you timing it out or something or taking a huge protein dump? /r/ForeverChest
goodwid ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:05:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naw, man, what's worse is when they recognize you by your footwear and strike up a conversation. Or even "Jesus goodwid, what did you eat? that's awful!" Fuckin salesmen.
Taukstofish ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:33:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate this, it's akin to arriving at a 4-way intersection at the same time as others. Happens way too much in my life
jdrc07 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:39:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was using a public bathroom, and there was only one shitter, and one urinal. So I walk in and take a seat on the shitter, and another guy walks in behind me.
This fuckin mongaloid had to shit too apparently, so he decided to wait INSIDE the fucking restroom for me to finish. First couple minutes I pondered my situation, I was honestly about to pretend to wipe and then exit the bathroom without shitting because I didn't want to disgrace myself by shitting loudly in front of an audience.
Then finally at some point I thought to myself, "Fuck this guy, if he wants to be here for this, then so be it".
The Taco Bell ass massacre that ensued eventually forced this asshole leave the restroom and wait outside where he belonged. I was very proud of my display of dominance afterwards.
Platytree ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 18:54:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once skipped class to go to McDonalds with a friend.
My class was outdoor ed and they went for a small hike and on the way back they stopped at the McDonalds I was at.
I waited an hour in the bathroom stall because I didnโt want to get caught.
InstagramLincoln ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 16:15:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just bathroom code. It's either that or you have to swagger on out with total confidence and make eye contact with every single person in there.
__celli ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 16:25:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL bathrooms are much more complex than just a place to dump my piss and shit.
CallidusTaco ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 17:26:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's an entirely independent social ecosystem going on in there, don't doubt it.
BrainWrex ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:50:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, at concerts they are a place to score drugs too. To clarify I wouldnt buy them in a bathroom, I bring my own lol but still have seen so many drug dealers in bathrooms at concerts.
__celli ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to buy them on the patio. Until I was given a heavy dose of GHB instead of Molly.... from that point forward, I bring my own drugs lol.
BrainWrex ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:33:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea that'll do it haha. That and its much cheaper to bring them yourself. Its like paying for candy at a movie theater....Fuck those prices lol
__celli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly... fuck paying 20$ for a .2 cap of Molly that's probably more baking soda and cocaine than Molly.
DothrakAndRoll ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 17:11:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. My work bathrooms have only two stalls. When I'm in there and someone plops down next to me and just lets all the demons rip out of their unholy hole, I can't help but think "what is wrong with this savage? Does he not know the code?"
Then again, sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go.
schwagle ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:42:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a big difference between having to shit really bad, and making noise like you're a whale giving birth while you do so.
madogvelkor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask them if they got that email you sent them.
makemisteaks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:00:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a lotlike OP. Often waited in the stall until the room was well clear. But as time went on, I figured this was a bit silly. Do you remember any interaction you had in the bathroom with any coworker 2 weeks ago? No, nobody does. So why the hell should I be intimidated by something that nobody cares enough to remember?
Now if someone's washing their hands, and I'm finished wiping my ass I just leave the stall, say top o' the morning, wash my hands and move along... It's very liberating.
Macktologist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:41:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to say, โlooks like we have the same shit schedule.โ
sinburger ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:21:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poop-Chicken is a time honoured game in the office environment. Bring your phone to the stall and just wait people out.
joesatmoes ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:36:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never shit in public places unless it's absolutely necessary.
mattk1017 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:30:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. And when it is necessary, it is at an airport or other places where I feel rushed.
joesatmoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta keep prunes at the ready whenever i need to travel
szparto ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:41:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few days ago I was in a public bathroom trying to take a shit. I got in and sat on the toilet. There was a metal thingy on the floor so I could see the person next to me. I saw movement so I decided to wait until they finish and get out. This dude literally sat there for 20 god damn minutes not even making a single sound. I accepted defeat and got out without shitting
sharr_zeor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:36:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, I went on a field trip with my class, but on the bus ride home I wet myself.
Rather than embarrassing myself in front of the teacher and other kids, I snuck away to a bathroom and cried in the cubicle for what I thought was a few minutes
When I eventually came out, the janitor was cleaning the hallway and stared at me really confused
I walked to the school office to get them to call my mum and they promptly told me that it was 2 hour after school close and my mum had visited the school several times to try to find me
I had cried in the toilets for hours because I didn't want to tell the teacher I'd wet myself. Even though I'm sure the teachers were probably prepared for the possibility of children needing a change of underwear
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 16:45:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never understood this phobia. Own that shit. Literally. It's the only place to do it and we all know what's going on in there...
MyCatWeighs11lb ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 17:01:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time a fancy middle aged lady came out of the stall and went 'oh, sorry about that giant fart, I didn't mean to rip out of my pants like that!'. I thought she was a hero and after that I started caring a lot less about shitting in a public bathroom. If she can do it then so can I.
SeeYouSpaceCowboy--- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And like, what is this stranger that you will never see again going to do? Grimace at how smelly your shit is? I could maybe understand in a coed bathroom.
sunnycmg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:29:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd actually be more comfortable with taking a dump in a coed bathroom like hey guys I bet my shit is worse than yours
SeeYouSpaceCowboy--- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:47:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People at bars would probably do a lot less hooking up. Imagine having a hottie walking toward you, your mouth is dry, sweat forming on your brow, she's a few steps closer, and OH FUCK! IT'S THAT CHICK WHOSE SHIT WAS LIKE A DEAD ANTELOPE BEING DIGESTED BY THE SARLAC PIT AND TURNED INTO LIQUID DIARRHEA THAT WAS REFRIED AND CONSUMED AGAIN AND THEN BURST OUT OF HER ANUS AS SHE HORKED AND GRUNTED AND...
sunnycmg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See you'd think but they still hook up after watching each other flirt with their friends, fall over drunk, puke in the bushes, and get kicked out of clubs. I think coed bathrooms are just icing on the shit cake
SeeYouSpaceCowboy--- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were the liquor.
thatmetalfellow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:41:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every damn day in the office.
Plus, having a really fast digestion system doesn't help in such cases.
bacon_and_eggs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:10:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the ole stall stall
LeperFriend ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:05:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right this second I'm doing just that
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:47:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the unspoken rule of bathroom stalls. If you're doing your business and someone walks in, you walk out first, and vice versa.
BredforChaos ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:48:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a related note, I poop in between other peoples flushes and hand dryer uses while Iโm pubic restrooms. Takes way too long but I donโt want people to know itโs me blowing it up.
JonnyBhoy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:31:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once tried to cough in a different accent so nobody knew it was me in the cubicle.
whompah ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:37:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have bathroom anxiety like this, now I have a coworker who not only shits at the exact same times I do, but talks to me during. At first I was mortified but it was like immersion therapy. I realized we all shit, and we all know what weโre there to do. I feel so liberated to be able to shit with ease regardless of the audience Iโm playing to.
MarkTwainIsOK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:49:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your relatable comment, plus your Username. A+
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:33:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this conversation with a friend who was embarrassed after pooping at my place; his siblings were there and one had made sure he was OK, which didn't help the embarrassment... I think my exact words were "On the one hand, I want to say that there's nothing wrong with it and that I'm not judging you for having to poop... but on the other hand, I will stop pooping if someone comes into a public bathroom while I'm mid-poop."
wibbswobbs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:25:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me. Every single day. And everyday I tell myself 'tomorrow will be different'....
nnyx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:40:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is 100% normal.
FR05TY14 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:35:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am currently in this situation. Send help.
hotsteamingpho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:55:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I do this! I even take it further by flipping my badge around so nobody can see my name when my belt is around my ankles while doing the deed
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dont be embarrassed man. whenever im peeing in a urinal and there's someone pooping in a stall i'll fart really loudly so the person pooping doesn't feel so uncomfortable.
sweetcuppingcakes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:49:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10 minutes? Amateur.
thsisbail2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:50:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm always waiting to be the last person in the bathroom when shitting. The worst is when someone else comes in right when that person is leaving.
GaslightProphet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10 minutes? I've done 20, easy.
abacin8or ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:12:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, so many people are embarrassed by bodily functions. I'll happily drop a mega deuce and claim full responsibility for the aftermath.
HillarysFloppyChode ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:18:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this, but it was the handicap stall and a wheelchair person came in. It was the only one left and I was seconds away from sharting cum and poop, instead I did it in the toilet, also got an accidental bidet from it.
lacheur42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus fuckin' christ. This was me today, except, I'm pretty sure the other guy was in the same awkward boat. We sat in complete silence, side by side, for nearly 40 minutes until the fucker finally caved.
My legs fell asleep, but I FUCKING WON, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
Pseuzq ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:22:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just etiquette and respecting boundaries.
ailish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work with a woman who would flush every two seconds and apologize for the smell. That was even more awkward than just pooping.
Recursive_Curse ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:34:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
May you forever choose the stall next to the noisy one.
CakeMeHome ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:18:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every single day.
AntTheMighty ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:21:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would you be doing in the bathroom that you're embarrassed about?
Philias2 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:13:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't tell anyone this but... pooping.
punchanaziorthree ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:14:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, other people poop too?! I thought it was just me!
AntTheMighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your secret is safe with me.
-notJohnThough- ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 16:26:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Op was licking his toenail clippings from a week ago
pretty_dirty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP is an Aaahh!!! Real Monsters character and loves his savings. Nothing to see here.
blladnar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:13:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once because I was pooping in the teacher's bathroom in high school and I may have gotten in trouble if I went out of the stall.
ItsCl0udy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every. Fricken. Time.
Sentinel_P ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to not only do that, but also only go in a stall if the whole bathroom was empty. I've had some near misses.
MTknowsit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THERE IS AN ETIQUETTE TO THIS SORT OF THING AND MANY PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND IT
Stealthy_Bird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The difference is that you actually go to public bathrooms
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only do that when I replace the atmosphere with toxic gas.
dsled ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time
Rosie1991 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I do that too!
Skajadeh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. Mainly because I am asked a lot of questions at my job on how things work. I have been accosted coming out of a toilet stall and being asked about how to program some of my companies hardware. Is it too much to ask to let me wash my hands first?
SociopathicScientist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
16 minutes of waiting while my coworker shat right next to me....never again
Halvo317 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I won't leave a bathroom stall if anyone who heard me make a giant fart is still in the restroom.
caleb-crawdad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But they also came in to shit. Be the bigger man and start the shit-off so you can both get back to your day.
PlusOn3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait. Is no one pointing out that your username is a Phineas and Ferb reference?
narenare658 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this shit all the time at work
iEpidemics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever go into the bathroom and hear someone just letting go? For whatever reason, someone who has diarrhea or is constipated makes me laugh my ass off. Fuck me I'm laughing now thinking about it. I'm part of the problem of why people are self conscious of public pooping. I imagine they feel terrible when they hear a complete stranger grasping for air laughing at their shitting noises and sighs/grunts.
Quasmo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The janitor at my office waited on me to finish. I waited for him to leave but then he started singing. He sang two songs and I just gave up.
JohnsonMonster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:43:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyday
Kellraiser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't weird, it's just part of the human condition. I refuse to believe we don't all do this.
PoonaniiPirate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this today. Needed to shit, got in there and a guy was in one stall. I took the other. I sat down and waited til he finished shitting and left the bathroom for me to start shitting.
mmmmwhatchasaayy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I go to the bathroom and just hover over the seat practicing Lamaze breathing shit in the hopes that my performance anxiety will go away. Eventually I just flush the clean water out of obligation and pretend I went. Meanwhile my bladder has exploded.
Treeloot009 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all of the time at work.
madogson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:05:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pleb! that's called pinching it off!
Rodentlove ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to the bathroom and someone else came in but I was playing on my phone and didn't want to leave yet. After a few minutes I realized that if I left it would look super awkward since I hadn't made a sound the whole time. So I had to wait until she left, but she was applying makeup and was there for nearly half an hour. Finally she left and by the time I got out I had missed half of my next class...
Villike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's so jarring when someone doesn't do that. Like you're in there for 5 seconds, you're washing your hands and ready to leave, then they just come barreling out of the stall like they don't have a care in the world. It's like c'mon man, have some decency.
The real winners are the ones who do that and leave without washing their hands though...
LadyGagarin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My workplace only has one ladies' cubicle in a tiny bathroom that we share with the office next to ours. I'm also the only woman in my office while there are several in the company next door, so it adds another level of awkwardness that I can't bear.
Usually the other women don't come into the bathroom at all if the light is on (that's the signal that it's occupied) and will just wait for the occupant to come out before going in to do their business after them. I usually only encounter them one at a time and it's not an issue.
But... Once I chose a quiet time in the afternoon to go for a poop on company time, not realising that it was apparently the same time that the crew next door like to go for a communal break. Suddenly ALL of the ladies from the neighbouring company decided to ignore the light signal and pile into the tiny bathroom at once, laughing and gossiping with each other.
There must have been 7-8 of them, all standing directly outside my flimsy cubicle where I had, of course, already got started and couldn't casually style out as a brief visit. I had to hold the rest and come back later, and of course I had to open the door and go to wash my hands in front of all of these women looking at me expectantly, wondering what the hold up was.
The woman who entered after me made a big show of spraying air freshener around before closing the door too. It was a nightmare.
Ice_BountyHunter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had explosive diarrhea and accidentally went into the womenโs room at my college once. Stayed in there for half an hour just to time out leaving when no one else would be around.
Sirfungus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive spent an entire hour at work on the shitter because other people came in. For reference I work retail and didnt know any of these people
The_Ion_Shake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My desk was right by the door to the bathroom, so if I went in everyone would know, and people would make comments about other people being in there long times. Furthermore there were only a few men on our floor, so you'd know who you were pooping with, especially as the old boys would drop massive 5 coffee-a-day bombs. It was weird, a very public thing, no privacy.
So, I started pooping on other floors. I found a bathroom on the ground floor that was neatly tucked away, plus since it was on a public floor it needed an access card to get in, so was rarely used. I did that for ages until people noticed and started making comments.
I'd then have situations where i'd need to go, and someone was in there so i'd do the mock piss thing at the urinal waiting for them to leave, and they wouldn't or someone else came in, so i'd leave. Which was very hard with IBS. It was not a good time.
dartuche ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. Especially when you shift your weight, someone comes in and you crack off a rolling thunder with a squeaky finish that reverberates the whole building. Don't want them to know who just deafened them, so I'll wait... and wait... until they leave first.
SirRogers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happens to me at least once a week
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:40:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that's just common sense right there.
YouKnowWhoIAm2016 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:21:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at a wedding but the people didn't leave... I came out 25 minutes later to realise I was in the only functioning toilet. Oh the looks I was given
Heruuna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what's better: Having the entire public restroom to yourself for your poo, but fearing someone walking in at the wrong time, or having the restroom full of people all making noise to help cover up the sound of you pooping. I've been in both situations, and I'm still not sure.
notthatshort ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:15:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg. I worked at a small community college. It was a particularly dead summer day on campus. I went to the bathroom to rip one off when someone else came in and sat in the next stall. I tried to control it so I wouldn't make any noise. I made the longest squeaker I have ever made and then couldn't stop giggling. The guy in the next stall noped out real quick.
Aegis_OW ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:32:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that everyday at work.
MineralRabbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the worst when the other person gets done quickly but then STAYS TO DO THEIR MAKE-UP, it's like do you know what this room is????
Elcatro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:11:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this every single day, but honestly it's partly an excuse to browse Reddit on my phone.
One time that stands out though is when I entered a stall when one of the others was occupied and I didn't want to drop my payload until they were gone. Apparently they had the same thought so instead we both sat there in absolute silence for 15 minutes waiting for the other to leave. He won, I left in shame and as the door closed I heard the unholy sounds of his victory.
ArrYarrYarr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:37:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar but I waited 40 minutes until it turned out that the dude was some crusty old pervert and he shoved his dick under the stall
Now I'm terrified of public bathrooms :D
EDIT: and then I punched his head off with a big wind up punch
LittleEngineThatPoos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:54:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be like this until the military, I would wait until I was the only person in the bathroom. Now I just don't care enough
accentadroite_bitch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:35:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm basically doing this right down. Damn it.
FullyChubbed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:17:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All you got to do is put your hand under the stall and play rock paper scissors for who poops first.
ikindalold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:32:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've stayed in there for up to an hour just to avoid awkward encounters with other people.
FeelTheWrath79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you an improv teacher at Comedysportz, by chance?
cestyouwill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually do this frequently. I've got some social anxiety and the bathroom is the place I go to escape people. So I'll just wait in the stall until it's empty. This only becomes a problem when a bunch of people come in right after me and there's a line.... then the guilt kicks in real bad.
krysterra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. I hate people who take three days to wash their hands. Get Out so I can leave in introverted peace! I have stuff to do!
Oranges13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just one question, why?
darlini ยท 2727 points ยท Posted at 18:26:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was on my way to class when a girl I thought was incredibly annoying started trying to have a conversation with me. For some reason I decided to fake a cough and run into the bathroom to "get some tissues" and walked straight into the men's room where a guy was peeing at the urinal. I am not a man. So I slink out of the bathroom and walk to my classroom, sit down for class for a few minutes and realize I'm an hour early and walk out.
She saw the entire thing, minus the peeing, I assume.
Honeeblood ยท 190 points ยท Posted at 21:08:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh that's incredible. Imagining her just watching like wtf?
darlini ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 21:25:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Her face still haunts me.
Elyswer12 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:11:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha... sounds relevant
KennyFulgencio ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 01:27:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once showed up to a (smallish) class I wasn't even in, about 15 minutes before the final. I had run there so I grabbed a chair in the front and sat there sweating and catching my breath. I noticed the guy next to me was staring at me nonstop. It seemed pretty rude. I realized I didn't recognize him at all, which seemed odd... I realized I didn't recognize anybody in the room... I realized it was the wrong fucking final. (Right room, wrong time/day entirely.)
I left as subtly as I could (since everyone was getting ready for the test, it wasn't really a social class where people got to know each other, and the prof wasn't there yet, nobody was speaking). Oh god it still hurts to remember.
SoupOrJuice13 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:04:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still have nightmares about this happening to me and I've been out of school for almost 4 years now
poopscooper34234 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:52:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me with one of my midterms. I walked into my classroom, sat down, took out my test booklet, then realized.. wait, that's not my professor. I got to my midterm 2 hours early so I booked it out the door with what I can only describe as this emoji ๐
friendsareshit ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 01:53:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time at work I went into the men's room, totally noticed the urinals, thought "Huh, that's weird." went into a stall, peed, washed my hands, and left. There was no one else in the bathroom at that time. I thought nothing of it until later when I saw a little boy going into that bathroom and thought, "haha that kid is going into the women's roo- ... OHHHHH"
Shib_Vicious ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:30:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did the same but in reverse, was at a gig in a football stadium. Needed the toilet was was walking around saw ladies room, so continued passed it and went into the next set of toilets assuming that it was the mens, because why wouldn't it be? Who would build two sets of ladies bathrooms next to each other?
Walked in, 'no urinals, weird. Well that stalls open'
Walked into the stall close the door.
......was that like 10 women looking at me funny then.....?
opens door again and looks out at roughly 10 perplexed women.
quietly leave the room
Jaymuhson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:03 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im sorry, but how do you see urinals and not realize you aren't in the mens room?
friendsareshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:31 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Long day, tired, brain not working at full capacity, I don't know.
ireter294 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 00:05:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did she ever talk to you again?
darlini ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 00:33:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the time, unfortunately. So I went though all of that for nothing!
fedo_cheese ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 02:30:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that makes it even better. Just imagine what she must have thought about the whole situation. You should have started a combo chain where every time she tried to talk to you you'd just do some weird shit like that in an obvious attempt to get away. Just keep trying to find that breaking point where it finally sets in...
FaithfulHoddypeak ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:09:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! I've done the same thing, twice. Both for the same reason. Every time my little brother needs to use the bathroom in public, I for some reason automatically think we have to go to the men's room, because he's a boy. The first time nobody saw but the second time was at a party at my dad's workplace, and three of his co-workers saw. I don't know which co-workers because I didn't look up from the floor the whole time.
Devator22 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:21:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, the lengths I went to avoiding the annoying kid in college. It was like he was drawn to me by some mystical force, and I was too nice to tell him to go away like everyone else did, so I learned his classes and would avoid those areas at those times...
But I like to think I earned a lot of karma by at least bring nice to him when he did hunt me down.
praisetehbrd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:08:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say this is awkward....you were just trying to rid yourself of an annoying girl
jrm2007 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:29:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not know what a "Ladie's Lounge" was and I was in a fancy hotel where there was sort of an outer room and even the door to that outer room was open and there were nice couches and I don't know what I was thinking but I went in. No one said anything but it took me about 10 seconds to realize where I was and I ran out. It really should not be so embarrassing but it was.
HoodedPotato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have literally done almost the exact same thing. Sometimes I end up lying or "faking" something random for no reason at all.
[deleted] ยท -21 points ยท Posted at 01:07:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like a jerk.
darlini ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:44:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but she was also legitimately obnoxious. Condescending, rude, and weirdly racist.
Dune_Jumper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:31:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean weirdly?
darlini ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:46:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, sheโs white and once said her white roommates were being a a bunch of n words (with a hard r) in front of 3 black girls she was doing a project with and acted like that was a totally normal thing to say.
AreosAster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:29:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was about to say something similar, but I see you already got the downvotes I was likely to get. Thanks, friend :)
Back in school I was the unpopular girl who tried to befriend random groups who seemed cool to me, but they didn't seem interested. I wasn't too weird or anything, just quiet (I did have friends out of school). I felt that even if they didn't want to be my bffs, they could have at least been a bit nicer instead of looking for excuses to get away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:12 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, your real life has suffered, but you got an upvote from me. So, basically, you got nothing.
leglesslegolegolas ยท 1827 points ยท Posted at 19:08:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walking into an office, ahead of a girl. I stopped and held the door open for her, so she walked in ahead of me. There was a long line inside. I didn't know if I should be ahead of her in line or she should be ahead of me. So I turned around and left.
stupid awkward fuck...
malamala1073 ยท 396 points ยท Posted at 22:32:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In situations like that I always just wave the other person ahead of me. Itโs only one more person in front of you and it makes you look good no matter what.
noooo_im_not_at_work ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 23:41:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and you never know what the other person is like, either. could be a guy with a fistful of hammers
_we_have_to_go_back_ ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:06:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you would probably know about the hammer thing.
Dariuscosmos ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:37:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a Curb your Enthusiasm episode which starts with this, only instead of holding a door, it's an elevator. It gets crazy.
acornmuscles ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:08:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I love that episode! Off the chain!
jw27 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:09:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a door one too, that involves a lady that looks like a man.
smokeythel3ear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The second time it happens kills me, when they're running to get there first lol
[deleted] ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 01:09:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They go in front, unless you get double doors and they open the next set for you, then you go in front. Source, Am Canadian.
WastingTimeIGuess ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:34:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The protocol is that they are then allowed to be in front of you in line, but good etiquette is that they will then offer the spot in front them instead. Not all people follow good etiquette. Also awkward is whether you should then accept their offer of the spot in front of them.
SecurityBro ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:29:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been my experience, though I don't pass any judgments if a spot ahead in line is not offered; the implication of holding the door open for you is that I am offering for you to enter and conduct your business ahead of me in the first place.
leglesslegolegolas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:34:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. The horrific anticipation of this awkward dance is what made me turn around and leave.
kid-karma ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:03:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best is when there are two sets of doors. You open the first set, they open the second, everyone gets in line in the order they arrived.
Caleb_Krawdad ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one really made me start laughing.
1800-bakes-a-lot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:33:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been my favorite so far. Just the fact that the avoidance of slight awkwardness overrules whatever business was to be had in the office.
WinterlsCumming ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:26:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know the answer now?
leglesslegolegolas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The correct answer is smacking my forehead repeatedly whilst muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid..." over and over.
cdsbigsby ยท 11692 points ยท Posted at 16:09:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was staying the night at a friend's house when I was around 10-11. Had to take a shit and when I was all done there was no toilet paper, an absolute nightmare. I checked under the sink, in the cabinet, everywhere. My friend was outside and the only people in the house with me were his mom and his older sister that I had a crush on. So I certainly couldn't shout out that I needed more toilet paper. So I weighed my options. Towels, or cotton balls.
So I wiped my ass with cotton balls.
SadCena ยท 1062 points ยท Posted at 18:08:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you flush the cotton balls?
cdsbigsby ยท 3196 points ยท Posted at 18:26:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Funny enough, I put them in the trash can and buried them in the trash that was already there. Later in the day my friend ended up finding it and blamed it on his other friend that was also there.
chrisannunzio ยท 2341 points ยท Posted at 19:34:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you let him take the fall?! hahahahaha
cdsbigsby ยท 2072 points ยท Posted at 20:09:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I only feel a little bad about it, the kid who ended up blamed for it had always made fun of me.
theTIDEisRISING ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:11:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever end up with the sister? Or did the cotton balls perish for nothing?
cdsbigsby ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 22:34:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cotton balls died in vain. I think that's for the best though.
AnotherLameHaiku ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 23:15:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This fucking story had so many twists and turns!
DorkusMalorkuss ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 00:22:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, apparently it's not a fucking story at all.
plafman ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 00:55:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More of a shitty story if you ask me.
-SSB- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:34:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took me a minute to get this๐
BionicleGarden ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 20:20:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And he never spilled the beans about it? Good man
SuccessAndSerenity ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 22:18:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thereโs no way that kid decided heโd just take the fall for the real cotton ball wiper. He definitely protested and wasnโt believed.
BRUTALLEEHONEST ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:43:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate the balls
VampireFrown ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:38:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O...ok, /u/BRUTALLEEHONEST...
xModulus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:15:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he was the only other friend there, he knows for SURE it was you, since he's innocent.
Rikolas ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:00:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you. I once peed at a friend's house, flushed it, all of a suddenly water is filling the floor and flooding it. I didn't know what to do so left it and went upstairs and told my friend what happened. She didn't seem to care. Half an hour later her mum is shouting up the stairs "KIRA! WHO FLUSHED THE TOILET? IT'S LEAKING! SEND THEM DOWN HERE NOW" and proceeded to do this for like 5 minutes demanding to sacrifice the perp. I sat silent, Kira and the several others didn't rat me out. After literally 10 minutes of this, our friend Yaki has to go home so leaves. Kira seizes the opportunity and when her mum next says anything she says "MUM! He just left" and her mum immediately changed her tone to seem completely apologetic and sympathetic and said "oh nooo! poor guy. I didn't mean to scare him, I'm so sorry, I feel so bad, he didn't have to leave" etc.
To this day her mum still thinks it was Yaki and Yaki still doesn't know.
LiberContrarion ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:05:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fairness, he was making fun of the kid that wiped his ass with his friend's cotton balls.
Kalculator ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:49:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a legend
SloppySynapses ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:36:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did the kid make fun of you for being the type of person to wipe your ass with cotton balls because you can't ask for toilet paper
fedupwiththemoaning ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:43:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He knows its you ... He knows .. Make sure to smile even more next time you see him .
KittenStealer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No kidding? I wonder why.
LoneStar_TBL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/prorevenge
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it was a win-win!
fedo_cheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sweeeeeet
ColeslawAndWeasel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:47:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what did he make fun of you for? wiping your ass with cotton balls?
CirceHorizonWalker ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:30:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, karma strikes again! Shouldnโt feel bad at all:)
[deleted] ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 20:49:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like the better question would be why the fuck was the friend going through the trash.
[deleted] ยท 95 points ยท Posted at 21:15:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably because it smelled like shitty cotton balls.
Vanq86 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:52:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I smell shit in the garbage, better go digging!"
AnonymousGenius ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:18:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my sides
BreezyWrigley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nice. that guy crushes.
Longboarder358 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:14:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ALWAYS let them take the fall when it comes to shitting
RedCaribou57 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:25:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining him going through the same thought process as you, hence he found your trash.
Shunto ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:28:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell, how did you leave this part out of the original story. This is the real meat of it
SuperSeyoe ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:31:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the hell did he find the buried shit-covered cotton balls?
dwsinpdx ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 20:42:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck would he find it?
cdsbigsby ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:10:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is a good question, really.
CaptainUnusual ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 21:11:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because usually a trash can doesn't smell like someone shit in it?
SuperSeyoe ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:33:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So their first instinct is to try to look for the source of the smell?
pm_me_sad_feelings ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:45:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, I either close the lid if it's outside or take it outside if it's not...
tina_ri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:44:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe his friend is a dog.
KullWahad ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:04:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it somewhat transparent trash bag and when he lifted it out of the can there were clear shit stains on the bottom?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:52:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody's gotta comic strip this or something. I'm fucking dying of laughter, man...
laser_hat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's always the fault of whoever doesn't have backup toilet paper in a bathroom guests are using.
Come on people get it together!
airbornealien ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why tf was ur friend digging in the trash can
-53e33647382 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:18:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your friend found them? Why was your friend digging around the trash?
Ohdaswet ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are officially ready to poop in China
triceracrops ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:22:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was your friend digging through the trash looking for shit covered cottin balls or what? Digging through bathroom trash is a good way to get a handfull of bloody tampon or a wet rubber snake
bigmarv101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck did he find them?? Like why was he digging through the trash??
fistymcbuttpuncher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The perfect crime.
Husula ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Holy shit.
Alterego1911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My question is why was he digging through bathroom trash..
Nightguard119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you make fun of him for finding shitty cotton balls in the trash can?
fluffstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why was your friend going through bathroom garbage :S
tdt0005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why were they digging around in the trash?
almondania ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same situation, took a dump at a friend's house and ran out of toilet paper. I used a sock on the ground to finish wiping and simply tossed it behind the toilet. My friend called me out a few days later after his mom got pissed. I just laughed and maybe said sorry.
edit: was like a freshman in high school. have not done this since
bubblesculptor ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
instead of taking the blame for not having toilet paper stocked?
Ohmigoshnids ยท 7032 points ยท Posted at 16:26:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have ALL been in this situation at a crush/SO/friend's house. At least you didn't try to throw the turd out a false window.
jgollsneid ยท 1041 points ยท Posted at 18:39:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to get the shits like clockwork every time I was at this girl's house that I had a crush on. Like full on Hershey squirts
Edit: I had a crush on the girl, not the house. Just wanted to say that for clarity's sake
emyhw11 ยท 118 points ยท Posted at 22:31:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so is the house single then?
PabloDX9 ยท 198 points ยท Posted at 22:45:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's obviously a home-osexual
emyhw11 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 22:53:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well shit, that pun just blew the roof off.
but like seriously that might be the greatest i've ever heard
Vanq86 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:51:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
golf claps
grapesforducks ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 22:41:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One major thing I got from the course for medical assistant: just about any condition that doesn't have an obvious cause can be because of stress/anxiety. It's crazy, the paths your body will take to relieve stress, sometimes.
Unfortunately, it also means that people w rare or uncommon presentations of a condition sometimes get told "it's all in your head", until a new sign develops or insurance finally agrees to more advanced/nuanced testing/imaging. It becomes a numbers game: how expensive is continued testing vs. how likely is it to be rare but treatable, rare but untreatable, or stress?
fuckitimatwork ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:02:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
juicy toots
m73m95 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:22:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thunder, with a brown rainshower
TunaEmpanada ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:18:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CHRIST THIS GOT ME GOOD
scottyis_blunt ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:53:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screamie meamie's
Twenty3isNumberOne ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 20:12:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nerves will get ya.
AgenderCaterpie ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 21:07:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My girlfriend's like that, except she throws up instead, I feel bad for her but she's fuckin adorable.
snowboardMT ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:38:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is your girlfriend Kyle Broflovski?
AgenderCaterpie ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:57:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh, I'm not sure who that is but if he's a petite wanna-be punk rocker then yeah.
nordic_nerd ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:32:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a south park reference, but he didn't get the right character lol.
A running joke in the early seasons of the show was that one of the main characters (Stan Marsh if you wanna look this up) had a crush on a girl, but every time she talked to him, the nerves made him violently throw up. Much like your girlfriend apparently.
snowboardMT ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:53:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I really messed that one up, it is Stan ha. My bad!
AgenderCaterpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, fair enough, thanks for the explanation : ]
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:18:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say - I used to throw up before dates sometimes because I was so nervous. Mom thought it was bulimia, but I was just really nervous. It stopped after I met my husband. I was never nervous around him, thatโs part of why I married him. Anyway, now that Iโve written a book, I hope you have a wonderful day, fellow redditor.
Dads101 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:22:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hershey squirts...haha ew come on
degjo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:37:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always have to shit whenever I walk into Fry's Electronics
PoopNow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:22:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get the nervous runs. If I'm nervous, I know the poop is happening and it won't be good.
FertileForefinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heryshey kisses for your toilet bowl
Lost-My-Mind- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C'mon Ted Mosby, you were totally smitten with that archetectual design!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably scardy shits, nervous nuggets, fear fluids.....
ohdearsweetlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, I get a nervous bowel around people I like too...
ashrae9 ยท 5440 points ยท Posted at 17:53:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once scooped my shit that wouldn't flush into a McDonalds cup, then gathered some other inconspicuous trash from upstairs to take out to the trash. This was at my in laws. My MIL intercepted me in the hall and offered to take the trash as she was headed downstairs. I had to awkwardly keep insisting I take it while holding it just out of her grasp. I eventually just snuck past and took it myself. It was mortifying.
Obligatory comment about how my best comment is about my massive dump I fished out of a toilet with a with a cup.
UPDATE: Told boyfriend of 10 years. This incident happened 8/9 years ago.
Me: So I told a story on reddit today...
Him: Oh?
Me: I'm gonna tell you something.
Him: takes in my narration of this story
Him: .... Me: ...
Him: WHY are you telling stories like this!?
Me: It has over 5000 up votes!
Him: ... Well that's kinda cool.
Me: Yeah.
high fives
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 7633 points ยท Posted at 19:27:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At this point, you just have to say "look lady, i shit in a McDonalds cup and now I have to dispose of it like a gentleman, now get the fuck out of the way"
ashrae9 ยท 3410 points ยท Posted at 19:47:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am female! But I'll be darned if I'm not a gentleman.
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 2044 points ยท Posted at 21:34:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A shit toting gentleman with a vagina
John_Smithers ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 22:22:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
seal_eggs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:00:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yee
OhMy_No ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:35:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/evenwithcontext
TuskenRaiders ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:24:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm weirdly aroused
aganesh8 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:08:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best kind of aroused
AmbientLizard ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:31:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The epitome of class.
otis_the_drunk ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:55:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coming soon to theater near you.
directed by James Cameron
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 00:49:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a world with overflowed toilets, one redditor will make a difference, armed with nothing but a McDonalds cup and the will to survive awkward situations, this is SHIT TOTING GENTLEMAN WITH A VAGINA, coming to a theater near you, directed by Michael Bay
Corporate_Bread ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:26:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there any other kind of gentleman?
notpetelambert ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:58:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A vagentleman, if you will
verello ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:48:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're battling your MIL with one arm and hauling your own shit in a cup in the other you've earned your honorary man card that day, vagina or no vagina.
CMDR-SephickLeandros ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:23:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My kind of gentleman!
ooh_a_phoenix ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:40:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The plot thickens!!
jackdaw_t_robot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:10:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, a redditor then?
faustpatrone ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:05:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only real gentlemen have a vagina.
gritd2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mangina
Soundtravels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only kind
potato_ships ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take 2 please!
Amagicbean-buyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you have a way with words
AnticitizenPrime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But who isn't these days
Wakkajabba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel this should be in Cards Against Humanity
DAZTEC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now THATโS a Bond villain.
treble-n-bass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mangina
magrat22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:26:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm Old Gregg!!
treble-n-bass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:04:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuzzy little Man Peach. Wanna come to a club where people wee on eachother?
bricengreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another win for the STGV community
DarnedBagboyJr ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 00:23:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most gentleman have vaginas now anyway.
conundrumbombs ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 00:18:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're a vagentleman.
ashrae9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:06:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
ZeusHatesTrees ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:28:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's amazing. The way you told the story made me immediately assume you were male because most shit-related misadventures on reddit seem to be told by males. Yet the fact that you're female made it funnier because people would expect it even less.
Seriously though, that's one funny story.
ashrae9 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:30:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, thank you. Believe it or not he and I are still together and I haven't told him about this misadventure. It probably happened like 8-9 years ago? I should tell him.
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell him and report back!
SadGhoster87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:59:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She updated the original comment.
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
BAL87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:20:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Second!
SadGhoster87 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:59:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She updated the original comment.
triceracrops ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:20:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its stories like yours that remind me we truly are all the same.
ashrae9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LiFe iS bEaUtiFuL*~
ShemhazaiX ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:33:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assuming you're straight, but if you're a woman you could have left the shit in there and blamed your partner! Everyone knows women can't clog toilets.
ashrae9 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:35:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no. His family wouldve known it was me somehow and roasted me about it for eternity. Just the type of people they are. I was never gonna risk that.
MandiSue ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:23:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sshhhh! We can't break the illusion that we don't poop!
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit! I mean. No! NO SHIT HERE. .....sorry
YourWizardPenPal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:29:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like you can handle cool situations well. You should write a book of standards on delivering cool (and maybe heat if necessary).
ashrae9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:03:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. Thank you so much for saying that. I absolutely do not think so. But I've heard that people with anxiety deal with bad situations well because they're always anticipating the worst possible scenario? I don't know if that's true but I have been known to remain cool as a cucumber during some crazy situations in my life. But God forbid I experience one minor issue. Instant tears. I'm unstable lol.
CuvisTheConqueror ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:22:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being a gentleman is not a gender thing. Manners maketh man.
FeatheredSun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:56:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quite right good sir! Carry on!
approving mustache wiggle
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:05:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
monocle falls out and shatters upon impact with the floor
Uh.. yes! And unto you sir!
SadGhoster87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ares, that you?
-53e33647382 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How was the smell of it not completely overpowering?
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:07:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, I don't know. I was sure it was.
QuicksilverSasha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/egg_irl
Mrs_Howell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG this legit made me LOL.
vincemcmahondamnit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not true! Girls donโt poop!
TheKeyisLion ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:25:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Females don't use Reddit! /s
ashrae9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:37:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm. Am actually robot.
TheGameSlave2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:56:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This lady gentlemans.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:11:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒฐเณ indeed
SolarDile ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:06:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/evenwithcontext
eatatacoandchill ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:24:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
Banjoe64 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:42:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you read this in Shrek's voice it makes it even better.
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually the voice I was thinking of when i wrote it!
Banjoe64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woo!
tunamelts2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:09:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i just spit out my drink...hope you're happy.
2drawnonward5 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:23:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't stop crossing the story of the shit cup with the story of your drink spitting.
MySkinIsFallingOff ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:01:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you guys so specific on mentioning the McDonald's cup? Is this some kind of marketing ploy?
NamesArentEverything ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:45:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, it was actually caused by Taco Bell - think outside the bun, scooped up in an ice cold bottle of Coca Cola, and all thanks to the power of Pepto Bismol. Yay!
Convoluted_Camel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brands love you to imagine a steaming turd when you see their Drink cups.
Wafflespro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? Of course not! Mcdonaldsโข would never promote using Mcdonaldsโข cups on reddit.
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, cuz McDonald's is shit
Moleicesters ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:22:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i snotted reading this
TheTweets ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:40:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The present tense is what worries me here.
sweensolo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/evenwithcontext
largetall ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I snorted laughing reading this comment. Thank you for that.
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're quite welcome
VoluntaryInsomniac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/nocontext
jiggywolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what made the scene in american.wedding so funny. Stifler eats a shit morsel and gets annoyed because the mom wouldn't leave him alone.
RoyalSunset ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would die of laughter if i heard this out loud. It would be unforgettable
nicholus_h2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:09:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but he DIDN'T shit in the cup... he shit in the toilet then scooped it up with the McDonald's cup. I think that makes it better.
Hobo124 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 21:26:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll be damned if mothers don't have a sense of when you need them to not interact with you. It's always when you're doing some absolutely embarrassing stuff that they suddenly become interested in your personal business and need to intervene.
xxxbmfxxx ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife did this on a strangers sailboat in san diego 15 years ago before we were married. We found out the toilet was messed up as she just made the biggest turd. She came up from below with a turd sticking out of a red solo cup to throw it over board. This was daytime, maybe one beer in. We were on a strangers boat with one mutual friend who invited us since we were in town. I still married her or maybe because of it.
ButteryDawg11384 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:26:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once as a child I had a big turd that wouldn't flush at a friend's house so I wrapped it up in layers of tissue and toilet paper like some foul mummified burrito. Stashed it in a house plant for a moment then convinced my friend we should go outside and play. Smuggled it out in my bulky sweatshirt and tossed it into the woods
menthapiperita ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:02:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a shit that wouldnโt flush at my Girlfriendโs parentsโ house. I wound up flooding the bathroom when the toilet backed up, and had to walk out and tell her parents. They helped me clean it up.
Sheโs now my wife. Thankfully, they donโt still give me a hard time about it.
ashrae9 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:03:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Consider yourself lucky. My man's folks wouldve roasted me to a crisp over it. I will never tell them.
Rossieboi93 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:37:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a shit in a Pringles can at a festival because I was so drunk I couldn't get out of my tent to use the portaloos, woke up the next morning with the can still in my tent (I had the common sense to put the lid back on) all my friends were already up and drinking again outside my tent.
I didn't want to get up and just walk off with a Pringles can full of shit so I unzipped my tent and just kinda stook my arm out and chucked it as far across the campsite as I could. Thankfully no one noticed.
ChaiHai ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:59:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bad. Some poor festival goer is gunna be like " Oooo Pringles-- OH HOLY JEEBUS AHHHHHHHH". And it will most likely be someone who is just as out of their mind as you were.
Rossieboi93 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:30:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel sorry for whoever opened it. Although I'm sure it wasn't the worst thing that was done that weekend. What was worse was I had a half tube of Pringles on the ground outside my tent, I obviously poured them out before hand :(
whatifimnot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT?
Rossieboi93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah....
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I snorted with laughter at that! Camping poops are either the best and most majestic shit or the absolute worst shit of your life.
Rossieboi93 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:33:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was ashamed at what I'd done but impressed at my ability to shit into a narrow can. It was a messy weekend tbh
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:27:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
1deafvet ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:13:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
then forgot about it.
Years later, an unlucky maintenance guy finds a petrified turd.
Durbokii ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:27:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not just cut the shit up with the cup and then flush?
ashrae9 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:37:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what, I have no idea. NOT IMPORTANT. MOVING ON...
LambeauLeapt ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:11:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because then what do you do w the shit-covered McDonald's cup??
MyBuddyDix ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:17:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know she dug through the barrels that night to see what the fiend who took her baby from her was hiding.
602Zoo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:07:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have grabbed it bare handed like a bear catching a salmon, put it in the breast pocket of my sports coat, and walked out like techno Viking
ashrae9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:09:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit! I should've done that...
602Zoo ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:31:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You did awesome, it's easy for me to say what I woulda done from the comfort of my own toilet but you... You looked fear in the face and said "No it's ok, please let me take this trash out" without a second thought of how weird it could have gotten if she tried to wrestle it away from you and during the struggle shit flew everywhere...
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:58:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My whole life flashed before my eyes when I saw her come into the hall towards me. Let alone when she was leaning over to grab it. Oh hell no, I am not passing you my shit in a cup.
602Zoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar scene in the movie Trainspotting with a much better outcome.
C19H21N3Os ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:54:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
have you seen the movie trainspotting by any chance?
Mcnst ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Train's Potting?
No, never heard of it. What's it about?
C19H21N3Os ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thereโs a funny scene where a guy stays at his girlfriendโs house after getting wasted and shits the bed.
relevant to scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cMZmNG_DRJA
VikingTeddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I immediately remembered this.
GaryV83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She lost an opportunity to fish out the turd with the bedding. And subsequently explode it all over the breakfast table.
adanceparty ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:18:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gah this reminds me of trainspotting when he shits the bed and insists on putting the sheets in the wash and they get in a tug of war match with shitty sheets.
ashrae9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:33:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God yes. It was almost that dramatic. She's really short so she kept reaching and I kept angling my body away. I'm usually super easy going so she was probably really confused at my insistence. Lol
eazybeast ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:21:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to do this once. It was my brother-in-law I was too embarrassed to say anything in front of though. He lives in Jamaica and his water came from a big tank outside. When the water in the tank got too low the toilet wouldn't flush. Took a big dump and couldn't get it to go down. Scooped it out with my bare hands, gagging the whole time, and wrapped it in toilet paper. Helpfully took out the trash, despite his protests that the garbage wasn't full enough to take out. It was an adrenaline-pumping few minutes.
ashrae9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:32:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was an intense experience.
wendigobass ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:28:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was kinda hoping your MIL was gonna say she was thirsty and try to take a sip
ashrae9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:36:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Like American wedding when Stifler eats the dog shit and everyone thinks it's a truffle / Cadences mother keeps insisting he share. Oh god! Hahaha.
malbane ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:20:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did that in my ex's apartment but I didn't know where the dumpster was so I had to ask his roommates. It was mortifying.
BAL87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has been a long day and I am literally in tears laughing over this. Thank you.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad it made you laugh!
CaptainMudwhistle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too bad it didn't turn into a polite little wrestling match with you both tugging on the trash until your smuggled turd dumped out onto her new white carpet.
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:09:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is the exact image that popped into my head when we saw each other in that hallway.
rosekayleigh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:17:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me of that terrible scene from Trainspotting, where Spud (was that his name?) shits the bed.
hates_poopin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(สแฉส')
GODDANMIT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know she looked in the trash right?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Y'all need Jesus. Oh, and to check for toilet paper and a plunger before hitting the point of no return.
Also, where'd you get the McDonalds cup from in the bathroom? That's some ninja shit!
Glad it worked out for you though, that could have been significantly messier. Heh
ashrae9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:11:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The mcdonalds cup was upstairs in the second bedroom window for cigarette butts.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:15:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, if that had been a glass ashtray instead of the McDonalds cup!
6chan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was a McDonald's cup doing in the bathroom?
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:07:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was in the bedroom windowsill for cigarette butts.
6chan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So did the cigarette butts help cover up the poop smell when carrying it out?
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There were only two cigarette butts in it. One went into the toilet upon scooping.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spoiler alert: it did not cover the smell.
jessikatz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:30:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would be way more freaked out and grossed out to learn someone was carrying around poop in a cup instead of plunging the toilet. Everybody poops. Plunge that toilet with vigor!
ashrae9 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:32:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was no plunger!
jessikatz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who the heck doesn't keep a plunger in the bathroom??!! Crazy. Puffs of air must have came out when they sat on the toilet.
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a secondary bathroom (ugh) but still.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:35:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pooped at a friend's house. He didn't tell me the toilet was broken. Had to grab fireplace utensils to scoop the turd up into a coals scooper and carry it past the 4 other friends in the living room including 2 females to drop it in the toilet upstairs. Was not fun.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:56:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did anyone see you?!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:20:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes. They were wondering why I was bringing the fireplace tools into the bathroom.
Luckily for me, if there was anybody else besides family that I would have to choose to see my poop, it was these friends. The two guys have been my best friends for over 15 years at that point and the two girls were very tomboyish and there was no desire on my part to be anything more than friends with them so we had a good laugh about it but it was still quite embarrassing. No matter how good of friends you are with someone, you don't really want them to see your poop.
1deafvet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:18:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A generic McD paper cup, or a large plastic special themed "collectors" cup?
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mcdonalds medium soft drink.
seattleseottle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:53:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My highest rated comment ever was a story about me wandering around naked and blind after i took a shower in the gym locker room at work and had one of the lenses in my glasses pop out and slide across the floor under 3 other stalls. Mortifying... But Bonus! Afterwards, throughout the day, my nose kept getting more and more irritated until I finally took off my glasses and realized there was another man's pubic hair stuck between the lense and frame. After the comment got popular I had an identical awkward conversation with my partner :)
littlemikemac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You had a MIL and a boyfriend, AT THE SAME TIME ? High fives indeed.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I call her that because boyfriend and I have been together a decade now. At the time of this incident we were together about a year.
littlemikemac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I figured, I was just trying to make a funny.
Although, you might want to check the laws in your jurisdiction because there's a good chance you're common law married at this point.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, it's after 6 months of living together where I live.
littlemikemac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just 6 months? That would make it genuinely illegal to take things slow. I've known people who stayed with their SOs in college just to get out of their parents' houses. That would make them all married in your jurisdiction.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought it was weirdly short, too.
littlemikemac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:21:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is disturbingly short. I hate it when people manipulate laws to try and force other people to live "more virtuous lives". I swear some people wouldn't know what freedom was if it eloped with their daughters.
EnchantedNanny ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:40:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a similar note, changed a tampon at a friend's house and realized there was no trash can in the bathroom. Wrapped the applicator in toilet paper and stuck it in my pocket. Waited for the kitchen to be empty so I could shove it in the kitchen trash.
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:43:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has happened to me, too! I was at a house party. Had to walk through the party to the kitchen where I pretended to discard my gum but actually shoved my bloody toilet paper burrito in there. My outfit didn't have pockets so I had to fit it in my hand. Yeah, disgusting.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of that one scene in the movie Trainspotting.
Ttatt1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could've been worse. She could have INSISTED... and then a scene from Trainspotting would have been gotten an homage.
ashrae9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:34:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh she was pretty insistent. It was terrible. And it smelled so I was really trying to get myself out of there. ๐
yaypudding ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Docking Engaged."
spcbd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does shitting in a cup prevent the wiping step...asking for a friend.
Edit: blended two comments in my mind when I responded I now see the no flush clause not the no wipe.
dan1d1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you also go on a tinder date and have another flushing problem?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296
Edited as I messed up the link
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:56:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Am Canadian in a long term relationship pre tinder! But I gotta read that.
QuincyAzrael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you're in a Judd Apatow movie.
yongpareeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you are missing an F.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HMMMmmmm...
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:31:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I clicked the link. Why did I do it?
DrHolliday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For future reference, if you dump ~1 gallon of water into a toilet, it will flush itself (assuming it's not clogged!) ;)
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This advice may be late, but if you can get a large bucket of water and just pour it in quickly and it'll flush automatically. Another thing you can do is to put a lot of soap in there or something and it'll make it flush easier. (Also, it may not flush because there isn't enough water in the tank).
Source: Was at a girl's house and had this happen.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok but what if I put soap in and it still overflows!? Then I have to stand in soap and shit and wonder where I went wrong.
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:36:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, this information is really just things I read from reddit. If you often have very big deuces then you can maybe test it at home by yourself first and hope for the best.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. I just picture me testing all my shits in the morning. My poops are normal sized, thank you very much! ... Then again, have you ever looked at a shit after and went "damn. I guess this means I could take a dick that size in my ass!"
Dirus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did think something similar before lol, like damn that's a monster my intestines must be huge. Then I realized it probably just expands.
But now you got me thinking it.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome!
blhoward2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did anyone else wonder why OP had an empty McDonalds cup in the bathroom? Or even a full one? How long were you in there? Lol
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
McDonalds cup was in the adjoining bedroom on the window sill for cigarette butts lol. I saw the opportunity and I took it.
MrGiantGentleman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BOYFRIEND of 10 years? Can you put him on so we can have a word with him?
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. Update in the post. We've been together since I was 16.
Hours after I told him, he burst out laughing and said "Wait! Wait! Why didn't you break up the poo with the cup? And just flush!"
Me: BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT FOR SOME REASON, IT SEEMED LIKE THE BEST OPTION!!?!? OH GOD.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And if this is a "WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED YET" comment, then I say this... Yo can we borrow like $10k+ for our massive useless party that changes absolutely nothing about our relationship?
MrGiantGentleman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, I'm all for the "Don't waste money on a stupid party" aspect of it. I'm a fan of the "cheap ring, married at someone's home and rent a hall at a VFD for a night and put the money towards something more substantial than looking pretty for a night surrounded by people you only invited because you want free stuff." That cuts out all of the craziness of a wedding and leaves the best parts, which is getting drunk and doing things you regret later when they're posted on Facebook. At least that's how all the weddings that I've gone to have ended up.
It was more of a lighthearted joke than a judgment on why you guys aren't married yet.
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh for sure. I may have over reacted because everyone we know is like GET MARRIED AND MAKE A BABY NOW. and we're like wait what? No! Make it stop! Every time I drink water instead of a beer they go OH MY GOD ARE YOU PREGNANT!?!?!?!?! It's exhausting. Lol
GameronWV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Likes? What are you, some sort of casual?
ashrae9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Long time lurker... posting for the first time ever over the past month
hangs head in shame.
MY WORTH AS A PERSON IS BASED ON AFFIRMATIONS BY STRANGERS! /s
miesto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
omg that's awesome XD , at least it didn't end up like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMZmNG_DRJA
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a movie buff I am ashamed I've never seen that movie! But I've gotten about a zillion comments about that scene! I had to youtube it yesterday and watch it. Oh my God haha.
miesto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there's a sequel on netflix too :D
generic_memelord ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:30:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I clogged my best friends toilet and the turd hanging out, so I picked it up and threw it out the window. My friend's neighbour's house was really close to his, and the other window also happened to be open. I didn't realize that my wayward turd had ended up in the other house until I heard my friend's neighbour shrieking.
Psychonaut0421 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:43:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a serious crush on this chick that I used to work with. After work one day she invited me over to see her new appartment and have a drink so, of course, I accepted the invite.
We got to her place, she gave me the tour, cracked open some beer and we played some Sega Genesis.
After a few minutes of sitting in front of the TV I suddenly felt like my bowels were going to let loose something fierce. Dammit, this would happen while at this chicks place. There was no avoiding it, the feeling wouldn't pass, it was too intense. I excused myself and went to use the bathroom. After I nuked her toilet I realized in my rush to get on the pot that I didn't turn the fan on. I looked for the switch- none. There was no exhaust fan in this bathroom and the window was jammed shut, it wouldn't open for some reason no matter how hard I tried. Wonderful. I just hot boxed my crush's bathroom with such angry flatulence.
Out of options at this point, I figured I'd better get on with the night and hope she doesn't need to use the bathroom anytime soon. I exited the bathroom, shut the door behind me and sat back down to keep playing Sega.
She needed to use the bathroom. Terrified, yet aware that there wasn't much I could do to prevent her from going I said to her "hey, I'm really sorry but if you can hold it for a bit I'd wait to go in there. My stomach was bothering me, there's no fan and I can't get the window open." She was cool about it, cracked a joke and told me to get back in there and try the window again. I did and succeeded in getting it open.
blhoward2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:23:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You do realize that by closing the door youโd make it last longer, right? You need some airflow...
Psychonaut0421 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I do understand that, but I also didn't want the odor to come flowing out as the bathroom door was only about 10-15 feet from where we were chillin.
GoodDecision ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:12:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understood that reference. I felt so bad for that girl reading the article... but the picture was the worst. The guy snapped a picture of her hanging upside down, while the fire fighters rescued her
BadNewsBarbearian ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:07:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't because I literally refuse to shit at a girls house I'm fucking. I will literally drive to the gas station to shit and tell her I went for a drink.
ElonMusk0fficial ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:54:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
is this a reddit reference? I NEED to know. for science
igotnothineither ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:29:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/6yagpn/woman_trapped_in_window_trying_to_retrieve_a_poo/?st=J8OUYCVG&sh=02356a40https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/6yagpn/woman_trapped_in_window_trying_to_retrieve_a_poo/?st=J8OUYCVG&sh=02356a40
chamington ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:12:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remove my toilet paper before anyone shows up to see what creative things they do. I even keep the bathroom tidy to make it extra difficult
Okapi_MyKapi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:07:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like there's a story here that you're not admitting to....
RockDicolus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:11:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/6yagpn/woman_trapped_in_window_trying_to_retrieve_a_poo/?st=J8OUYCVG&sh=02356a40https://www.reddit.com/r/news/comments/6yagpn/woman_trapped_in_window_trying_to_retrieve_a_poo/?st=J8OUYCVG&sh=02356a40
PurpleMTL ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:49:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit I'm dying. Can you imagine this guy simply ran out of paper but still picks up his turd and chucks it at a false window. All he needed was paper to wipe with!
drigancml ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a true story! Google it, for real.
12welf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you never had to pick up an unflushable turd and wash/stuff it through the bathtub drainage grating?
kebbel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has actually never happened to me before. Probably because I always put toilet paper in the bowl before I sit down to dump. Not only does this help prevent unwanted splashes but also doubles as a check to make sure you have enough paper to wipe when you're done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
META
pifof_the_third ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
E-------T
T-------E
A T E M
Physicsbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
META
ImHardMadeOfAmerican ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THERES SHIT EVERYWHERE!!!!!
Chaff5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You read that horrible steak story didn't you?
TheCopenhagenCowboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did that happen?! Link??
DevilsX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have done this at work.. didn't want to be the one to break the toilet after using it and everyone else already knows it's me. There is only one way in and out of that lobby. Luckily most of the poop had already been flushed, only the toilet seat paper and toiler paper was stuck. I used the toilet seat paper which is stronger than toilet paper to scoop out the rest and put it in the trashcan under the sink. I was so relieved it worked..
StoplightLoosejaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes it's too big to flush. But you try it anyway. So it's spinning around in the bowl and now you have to karate chop that sucker up so it goes down.
underscorecounter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basic training. A guy decided to wipe it with his underwear and put it in his locker. The smell was atrocious. He was also 30 at the time.
lookalive07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understood this reference! One of the funnier and more believable TIFU stories.
F1ash0ut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What. This happened?
ChaiHai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what?..I NEED this story.
IdiotII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait wut. Link?
Edit: https://reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/
popstar249 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was sleeping over a friend's house and clogged the toilet. There was no plunger in that bathroom so I finished up and told my friend that I needed a plunger. He then instantly walked into the bathroom and flushed the toilet again, which caused it to overflow with shitty water. He then shouted really loudly for his dad, who was a SWAT police officer who, hearing his son shout for help at 2am fell out of bed and ran down stairs. I hid in shame while I listened to this poor man mop up his idiot son's idiot friend's shit water in the middle of the night.
GiggleButts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, that happened so often to readers of 17 magazine in the early 2000s
kii24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this was from a r/tifu post right?
Serdaigle15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because of AskReddit I always leave the stash of toilet paper in plain sight in my bathroom.
I also never invite anyone so itโs useless.
Dynasty2201 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how the vast majority of people outside of the UK won't get this story about the false window.
Fucking hell I can't remember the last time listening to Radio 1 had me laughing so hard.
DropDeadSander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that would definitly help with the situation of not having TP
AbyssalFate2944 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was an exchange student to a city school from a rural school, my first night at my hosts apartment (which was extremely crowded) I realized that there was no toilet paper after I used the bathroom.. So I asked yelled to my host student and asked if he had any out there, and they said no... Used my Burger King bag from lunch that I kept with me because I forgot to throw it away.
RequiemStorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://imgur.com/gallery/vA2FK
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:42 on November 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M E T A
E
T
A
PissedBadger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody poops. Some girls love it.
teej1109 ยท 1003 points ยท Posted at 18:09:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who had this similar situation but it was clogged AND no more toilet paper. He proceeded to take the poop out of the toilet with his bare hands, hop out the window, and then leave it in the woods behind the house. No joke
chillyboarder ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 22:25:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Have a friend" eh...๐
hates_poopin ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 22:29:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
เฒ _เฒ
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 23:28:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most relevant of all usernames
UnhelpfulMoron ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:44:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mom's spaghetti
Grenyn ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 22:09:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking love stories like these. Rarely does anything make me laugh out loud, because my soul is a bottomless pit of bitter despair. But shit like this will do it.
ilovetotour ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:01:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg same. I'm in the bus and reading all these shitting stories is making it sooooo hard to not audibly crack up!!
teej1109 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:38:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude let it rip. Who cares if youโre laughing out loud reading shit stories!
ilovetotour ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:03:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did audibly chuckle a bit but I know if I did actually lol it'd be so loud and I wouldn't be able to stop LOL
sushi_cw ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:56:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's something magical about poop stories.
ARealBillsFan ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:03:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you can't app appreciate a good shit story, then I can't appreciate you
aganesh8 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:11:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Shit like this will do it"
FlapYourWingsBoy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:59:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
....so you need help bud?
Why the downvotes tho ._.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man. I got a good shit story.
Shame to see you got downvoted over nothing though.
PowerRainbows ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:02:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it was his baby and he was darned if he wasnt gonna give it a proper burial
hadda-ask ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:38:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's just a boy. Poor lil' feller.
Jackaloup ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:50:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a small startup where there's only one bathroom and everyone is responsible for cleaning the place. I have literal nightmares about this happening at the office.
lGA5THDDYV ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:09:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It could have gone worse
PoisonRainbows ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:42:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something I would do to be honest...
SimonCallahan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:03:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he was a large, hairy gay man he would have been the bear that took a shit into the woods.
Rygar82 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:44:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is dedication
fortyonepilots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend with this EXACT same story. Weird.
DarkestTimelineJeff ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 20:15:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, reminds me of my college house when we used to throw parties and every weekend I'd wake up to my bathroom covered in shaving cream and whatever else freshman girls found funny to ruin, so I started taking everything out of my bathroom except my towels and stuff under the sink. I'd leave one roll of TP in there as a courtesy, but hell if I was going to provide free rolls every weekend, shit got expensive in college. Well, after that roll ran out people moved to my towels and then the CUE TIPS under the sink. Girls were wiping themselves with my damn cue tips (evidence found in the garbage).
Threw out the towels and told my fraternity brothers to either avoid going down on the girls they go home with or pony up and pay for some damn toiler paper. A six pack of TP then quickly became a staple in our parties' budgets.
rivershimmer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:56:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of how I used to keep toilet paper and hand sanitizer in my purse for parties. Never knew when I was going to need it.
zbeezle ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:03:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man. You gotta own it. Open up the door and shout for everyone to hear "yo! Where y'all keep the shittin paper!"
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:32:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
silliputti0907 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:08:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like in India
Abodyhun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate these false stereotypes, they never poop in the toilet.
silliputti0907 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Indian fam, and they do wash their butts with hand and water. Their are certain richer places that have toilets but the majority of India use hand.
Abodyhun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was joking, but I know that a poor man's bidet can work too.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:48:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo so I have a slightly similar story
When I was little (and still kind of now tbh) I had a really big fear of having shit left over on my ass and putting my underwear back on. I guess it's cos my mom always used to make fun of my dads skid marks and it just freaked me out. I used to clog toilets hella because I would just roll up wads to clean my butt. It was a problem. Anyway... I'm nine, or some shit, and I'm over my friends house. I HATED pooping at other peoples houses for this reason because the last thing I needed was 1. clogging their toilet or 2. running out of toilet paper and having to ask for more (similar to yourself) For some reason, on this cursed day, I couldn't even jog home (I lived about a quarter mile home) to go shit. I just HAD to shit. Bruh, I used to hold shits in all day in school cos of this issue. I remember being on first base in a baseball game and someone hitting it deep so I had to run all the way around the diamond with my one hand grasping at my ass so I could, if it happened, push my poop back in if it snuck out. Point is: I held in shits, no ifs ands or buts, and for some reason on this day I couldn't. So I go into the bathroom, prolly unleashed a king dookie, and went about wiping my ass. This dookie was DIRTY. I prolly flushed like 7 times cos I was using so much toilet paper. I was going to wipe again until I noticed the lack of toilet paper that I willed into existence. Oof. I panicked. This was my biggest, worst, absolute nightmare becoming reality. I was debating my options. I considered it rude to start looking through cabinets, but then wondered if I even needed to wipe in the first place. I mean, I went at my butthole seven times, scrubbing with the grace of a maid after a juice spill. It couldn't have been THAT dirty anymore, right? I don't know why, I don't know what prompted me, but I called for my friends mom. Maybe my yung brain knew that moms are nice and wouldn't say no to an innocent nine year old. I called her over and asked her if she could come in. She asked what was wrong and I asked her "Could you check?" What followed next was a grown woman, who only knows me as her sons friend from school who comes over every once and a while, pretending to take a good look at my butt and make sure there was no poopy residue because I was so disturbed by skid marks. So yeah, that's the first time I let a girl see my penis.
exactoctopus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:52 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a late comment but thank you for sharing this, I laughed so hard.
Kablaow ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pooped myself in bed at my friends place when I was 10. Somehow I smeared it on the pillow as on the bedsheet. I just decided to run out of there and go home.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:00:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was the appropriate response.
Rick-powerfu ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:59:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha fuck I had similar situation, but it was just a toilet in a small cubicle type room
I flushed and then did the humane thing
Proceed to remove the top of the toilet assembly to reveal a full and clean tank.
I carefully dropped my ass into this make shift bidet and fingered myself clean
Just because I'm a jerk I didn't flush afterwards
Crunchwich ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:17:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My 4yr old leaves TP stuck in his crack and tells me to look at his bunny tail. Maybe he could be your new friend.
shortstack96 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:17:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just reminded me of a story. My brother and some of his friends were down at our local park when they were all about ten years old. One of his friends had to poop, so my brother told him to go use our bathroom as our house was the closest. The friend ended up pooping on our front steps because he was too nervous to knock on the door. He then raced off to his house rather than going back to the park.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was smiling at all of these ridiculous stories, but this one broke me. ๐
CatKungFu ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:19:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WTF you lot... Just hang your arse over the washbasin and wash it.
I_wish_I_was_a_robot ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:30:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a date one time and we ate some food that didn't settle well in my stomach. She asked me back to her place and I didn't want to ruin any future chances by saying no. I stayed for just enough time to make it look like I was interested but wanted to move really slow. I excused myself and then took the most ferocious diarrhea shit of my life.
waterloops ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:56:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first time having dinner at my significant others house they made a delicious salmon and spicy rice pilaf. The filet was sauteed in olive oil. An hour later we sit down to watch a film. I feel a big fart bubbling through my sphincter, the oil isn't sitting well. I felt it would be awkward to do the normal thing and hide my bodily functions, because she could probably hear it from anywhere but outside. So I let fly a booming, reverberating fart that wakes her sleeping dog. I excuse myself to the restroom as the I anticipate my bowels to unleash fire and fury. The neighbors probably heard my flatulence echo out of the toilet bowl. 20 months later we still laugh about it and happily show off our farts to each other :)
TLDR: Couples that fart together stay together.
_bunnyholly ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:59:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 8 I was at a birthday party and had to poop, no TP, so I got a washcloth out of the lil closet in the bathroom...I felt bad throwing their washcloth in the trash and didn't want to flush it so I put it back in the closet and hid it behind a bunch of clean towels....
saggy_balls ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:23:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to shit at a house party in college my freshman year. I was in there a while and at one point some girls knocked and asked if I was almost done. I didn't answer and they spent a while jiggling the handle seeing if someone was in there. I finished up and climbed out the window and went back around and in the front door.
Huck_Bonebulge ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:46:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anybody have that 4chan story where the guy ruins his life by wiping his ass with a bible?
WhiskeyHoliday ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:54:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was this you?
JediGuyB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:01:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see you too are a man of class.
I was about to post this.
trulymadlybigly ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:04:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same situation. Wiped with coffee filters. Got the clever nickname โfiltersโ. 8th graders are the living worst.
tyled ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:25:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly if this was me, Iโd use my own hand and then wash them thoroughly. You have towels so you can dry your hands.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:32:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good save.
DogeTheIntuitive ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:01:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This'll probably get buried but reminds me of when I was probably around 10 and was staying at a cabin in the mountains. It was the morning that I was leaving and we were JUST about done packing when I realized that I had to poop and there was no way I was holding it in. I go upstairs to the most isolated bathroom and do my business. I must've been in such a hurry when I first got in that I didn't realize that there was mo water in the toilet bowl. Apparently my parents had gone around and turned off the pipe that gives water to the toilet bowl. Being young and an idiot, I didn't know all I had to do was turn the knob on the wall behind the toilet. So anyways, I tried flushing and abviously it didn't work. At this point, I could hear my parents yelling at me to get going so we can leave. I started panicking and tried to use my hands to somehow cup water from the sink faucet and put it in the toilet bowl to flush. As you can imagine it didn't work. So I just said fuck it and left my poop in a dry toilet bowl in this cabin in the middle of the mountains. To this day I don't know how long it sat there before the next inhabitants discovered their stinky surprise.
rizzzzzy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:39:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first started hooking up with my now boyfriend, I used to be so weird about taking a crap at his place. It didnโt help that his toilet would didnโt flush well. I had a little pellet, and it just wouldnโt go down the toilet! I took it out of the toilet, rolled it into toilet paper, and threw it in the trash.
BertUK ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:43:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why have none of you thought of socks? Cheap disposable ass wipes, right there on your feet most of the time.
bacon_and_eggs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did you flush cotton balls?
Aadenoto ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:40:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend did this with Q-Tips...
Andrewj1tsu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:10:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you weren't like my friend. He wiped his shit with his underwear and left it on the floor behind the toilet.
ChefBoyarLeah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:42:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was staying with my friend's family at their lake house, and we slept in this primitive cabin out back. I wake up in the middle of the night, and the only toilet is a camping toilet that you have to empty out after using. So I just lined it with a plastic bag, tied it up, and threw it as far into the woods as I could. We're sitting on the porch the next morning, when their damn dog comes running up with the bag in its mouth!! After realizing what it was they immediately knew it was me.... can't live that one down.
supremoremo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:57:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar story accept happened to my best friend when he was over my house. He was too shy to yell out the bathroom door, and didnโt think to call or text me. He decided to wipe with used toilet paper that was in the trash can.
out_of_toilet_paper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My worst nightmare
kaylanderson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually started laughing out loud. Thank you for your misfortune lol
NicholasFarseer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, this reminds me of a Venture Bros. Episode: https://youtu.be/qNnvm5SM5bM
E404_User_Not_Found ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Been there...except there were no cotton balls..
TMFD13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Always check for toliet paper before, eventually it will become a habit
mangokisses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:01:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This couldโve gone so much worse. Who remembers this tifu?
njott ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ตwhen your sittin on the toilet and the papers all gone,
Be a man,
Use ya hand๐ต
TawnyUK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:45:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could have performed a sockrifice
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hands water and soap dude why is this hard
cdsbigsby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now, it probably wouldn't be. 10 year olds aren't solid decision makers as it turns out.
bobbyfiend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was living in rural Mexico many years ago (LDS missionary, natch). My companion (guy I lived and worked with) really really had to take a dump. We had checked everywhere along the route we were walking; no possibilities. We were walking with another person, so we had to be surreptitious in checking for pooping possibilities. Then he sort of wandered off into a little scrub forest between some houses. This is a very weird thing for a missionary to do, but I kept walking with the other guy, as my companion made clear silent head gestures that i should do this. A few minutes later he comes running to us out of the forest, saying something transparent like "I found the thing" etc.
Later, I asked him and he said he had crapped behind a bush in the forest/field, and hoped no one saw him. I asked what he used for toilet paper. He just pulled up one pantleg to show he was missing a sock.
AnticitizenPrime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is a young person problem. Get past 30-ish and you discover everyone has these issues and you can, as an adult, announce that you're out of toilet paper or the toilet is clogged or whatever, because at that age you recognize that everyone has been there at some point. It's no longer a matter of personal shame, it's a shared misery.
trav1th3rabb1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:57:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow
Herbert_Derpfried ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:12:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a similar experience:
Stayed over at a friend's house (I was around 12), and had to take a shit - a massive one.
Long story short, I didn't want to clog the toilet, so I wrapped toilet paper around my hand, and tried my best to break it up into several pieces.
To top it off, they had a garbage can next to the toilet, and for some effin reason I threw that toilet paper in there instead of flushing it along.
No immediate repercussions, but I'm deadsure they figured it out once emptying that can. And they just knew it was me.
RobThePirate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:51:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh hey, almost the same exact thing happened to me a just a few months ago. No toilet paper anywhere, and my friends are in the basement with no phones. The homeowners in the next room were two married women that I always feel awkward around for some reason, so I couldn't ask them for help. So I was forced to use panty liners from their nearly unlimited supply.
dont_worryaboutit139 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:03:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently had a similar problem (well, an unflushable) while housesitting, fortunately they had a dog, so poobagged it and walked it to an outside wheelie bin without anyone the wiser except that now there's a permanent record of it on the Internet. I blame the poor flush capability of the toilet.
-poop-in-the-soup- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:41 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple decades ago I was at a party, and exited the bathroom loudly proclaiming that I needed to know the location of the nearest plunger, as I had logjammed the toilet.
Some woman had just walked in to the house, and that was her first impression of me.
That woman is now my wife.
Moonquake_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a dump at my best friend's house and clogged their toilet. He's there with his mother and his sister (who had modeled in the past).
So I know them very well but this is still mega embarrassing so I tried to tell him inconspicuously and the bastard just yells it out to them! I was like "you bastard, how could you?"
But it's cool I unclogged it and just moved on, it was a great spring break.
CharlieSixPence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:28:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I havenโt found that post yet. I will.
15dreadnought ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you did what anyone would do. Thank God there were cotton balls.
Dr-Mantis-Tobogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of The Alchemist from Venture Brothers
Ysmildr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you flush the cotton balls? Did your friend mention the sewer line backing up after that?
AltimaNEO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I always check that my bathroom is stocked and clean when I invite people over. Nothing more embarrassing than a dirty bathroom.
trecx8it ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shower bro
GunsandBullies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The woman I'm seeing has a bathroom attached to the bedroom and it doesn't have a fan so I've had to hold my poops in every time. I'm fucking dreading it
iloveprettyladies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to think you wiped your butt clean, but it's a stretch
I2ecover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man that's when you just hop in the shower and stick that shower head up your ass. I even do that when we have plenty of toilet paper.
acesilver1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since it's a residential bathroom, you should have just hopped in the shower and done a quick rinse from the waist down and then toweled off with a hand towel or something.
MJVerostek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you in The Order of the Triad?
olpdragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was almost the same start to the bible greentext story. Until I the end of yours, I thiught you were jokingly copy pasting that, haha.
birlik54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well at least you chose correctly...
Lets_Do_ButtStuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Use your socks next time
JusticeRobbins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh, I feel this one is okay. Now, had it plugged the the toilet and flooded the house.....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No tissues either?
wyvernwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You had a crush on the mom and the sister. We've all been there.
jessikatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody poops. Holler for that tp.
Its_a_me23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I was in this situation in the virtually soundproof basement bathroom in my cousin's house. With no one able to hear mt pleas for help, I resorted to tearing the cardboard roll into slivers with which to wipe.
stealthturnip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:53:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rule 1 of shitting. Check for TP. It takes one second to prevent all of this maddness happening and you pack of lazy fucks cant even do that. For shame reddit for shame. Side note I do enjoy the stories.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoulda used the shower. That's what I do when we have toilet paper.
69percentnigga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Been there. I picked towels
The_Ill_Made_Knight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/qNnvm5SM5bM
WeasleStompingDay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Family and I were driving back from out of state. I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I went in the bathroom and completed my business... When I noticed there was no TP, no paper towels, nothing... I was about 10, embarrassed to open the door to ask... So, I wiped with my hands, washed in sink (repeat until done). As I was about done, my dad knocked on the bathroom door asking what was taking so long, and I told him what happened... I didn't get to live it down for years "be a man, use your hand"...
morpheofalus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
had to take an emergency shit on my walk to work. there was nowhere else for it to go down, but a planter box in front of an apartment building. with traffic backed up moving slowly away from me on one side, and an apartment door anyone could walk out of at 7:30am on the other..it was quite the situation
kaylashalayla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying right now
DirtySoapFlakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I always make sure my bathroom's stocked up with Emergency bog roll when people come around. Some on the holder, three rolls in the wicker bog-roll basket thing, and a cheeky roll tucked away in the medicine cabinet (that way, even if in some universe my guests managed to get through four rolls in one night, they'd still be able to find the secret hidden one when they go digging through the medicine cabinet in a desperate attempt to find make-up wipes or cotton pads).
flatterygetsunowhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very reasonable considering the options
Trobertsxc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just turn on the sink and wipe away with water and your hand. Wash your hand with soap after and you're good as new
theottomaddox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two rules that have never failed me are a) check for paper first and b) pull up your pants before you flush.
notmebutjim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read like two words then skipprd to "so I wiped my ass with cotton balls". ๐
dragonandante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/qNnvm5SM5bM?t=55s
Lieutenant_Meeper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm wondering what went through the mind of the person who last used the toilet paper, knew it was out, and knew you couldn't have used it. Just in case you hadn't thought of that, lol.
cyclopskitten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to use a Q Tip once. It was horrible.
rico0195 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could've been worse. Could have wiped with Bible pages like some 4channer did...
eblackham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:45:48 on November 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me but with swifters pads.
Chokmahh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this but with a shower curtain
sami2503 ยท 5431 points ยท Posted at 17:23:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened yesterday.
I'm in Germany and I can't speak very good german. I'm at a canteen restaurant in a kaufhof for breakfast
I pick up a tray and get myself some bread and cheese etc and some blood-orange juice, as I walk over to where to pay I spill loads of the juice all over my food, my tray is just soggy red bread and cheese. Instead of trying to ask if I can replace it or just doing it anyway I go over to the cashier and fucking pay for my soggy red sticky breakfast. The lady looks at it and back to me and back to it and says something in german probably along the lines of 'Are you sure you want to pay for this'.I looked at her and shamefully said "ja, bitte", and then she counts it all up and it was almost 10 fucking euros for just some bread cheese ham and juice.
My anxiety combined with my british-ness and akwardness is not a good combination at all
Edit: grammar
whatisthisicantodd ยท 1324 points ยท Posted at 18:19:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most fucking Douglas Adams thing ever
covert_operator100 ยท 798 points ยท Posted at 19:48:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://theoldvillage.wordpress.com/2004/01/28/douglas-adams-shares-a-true-story/
llamaesunquadrupedo ยท 179 points ยท Posted at 20:33:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted before I read it because I assume it's the biscuit story.
...
Aw yeah it's the biscuit story!
GaryLLLL ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 22:16:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, I guessed what it was as well.
However, it's been edited from the original version, which I clearly remember.
Someone (obviously an American) went through it and swapped out "biscuit" for "cookie", and "coffee" for "tea". Everything else looks identical.
IMightBeAnExpert ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:48:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought eight cookies was a lot of cookies to get in one bag at a train station. Eight biscuits I could believe.
Roxxorursoxxors ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Help a Yankee out. When y'all say biscuit, I assume we aren't talking about the fluffy breakfast bread?
Tyrosine_Lannister ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 23:58:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To the Brits, smallish hard cookies are biscuits and larger, squishier cookies are cookies.
ParryGallister ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:30:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cookies are chocolate chip cookies (or variations of - peanut chip cookies as an example) - all others are biscuits.
Someshitidontknow ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:18:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does not compute
Vodis ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:04:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should help.
tl;dr: "Yankee" refers to Americans when used by people from outside the US, to people from the Northern US when used by people from the Southern US, and to people from New England when used by people from elsewhere in the Northern US. (I've also heard it claimed that it means people from Vermont when used by people from elsewhere in New England. Not sure how true that is.)
Roxxorursoxxors, though American, was using Yankee in the sense used by non-Americans since they were addressing someone non-American (I assume IMightBeAnExpert is a Brit, judging from their use of "biscuit" and the context of the conversation) and knew that this was the usage with which that person would likely be familiar.
Or maybe you were just making a joke about US dialects and I'm taking your comment too literally.
Logic_Nuke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:14:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm from Massachusetts and I've never heard Yankee used to refer to Vermonters.
strengthof10interns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:06:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vermonters do refer to everyone else in New England as flatlanders though.
Someshitidontknow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i know, it was a joke
PLB527097 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:41:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What humour in analyzing our colourful differences.
Throwawayjust_incase ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:37:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Analyzing can be spelled two ways
thecanadianjen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:00:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine graham crackers but not as yummy and sugary. Sometimes they have chocolate on one side and are also called digestives if they are a particular type of biscuity thing.
camerajack21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh biscuits, usually sweet, either mildly or more strongly, but sometimes quite plain. Usually dry and hard, and usually used to for dipping in tea.
Tyrosine_Lannister ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:56:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They'd have been what you think of as cookies, but like the miniature, "famous Amos" kind, if you've seen those.
Logic_Nuke ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:16:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a little odd to "translate" the story into American English when the whole point of the story is how English they were being.
GaryLLLL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least they kept the awkward passive-aggressiveness, rather than having the protagonist pull a handgun or something.
TheGreatWalk ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:02:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read it before but damn it's funny
aigroti ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:51:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's because it's so quintessentially British.
sonrad10 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:47:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Loving that I'm not the only one who did that :)
Danominator ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:56:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I will be quietly giggling to myself about this all day.
slashusername ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:26:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It says it's from the Salmon of Doubt but I swear I read it in hitchhiker's guide. Is it in both?
LarsThorwald ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is in Life, The Universe, and Everything. Your memory serves you well.
slashusername ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you very much!
covert_operator100 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:14:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember reading that tale in any of the five books in the trilogy.
slashusername ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:17:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's in Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Shout out to u/LarsThorwald for confirming!
paigezero ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:29:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He put it into H2G2 as happening to Arthur but he claimed it was a real life thing that had happened to him, which is how it gets mentioned in one of the essays in Salmon of Doubt (if I'm remembering this right.)
Lazersk ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:52:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy once told me this story passing it off as his own!!! But he was in detention and the cookies came from a vending machine. You just debunked a decades old tale.
alexthebiologist ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:50:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That story is a thing of beauty
kingfrito_5005 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:46:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dont even have to click the link, this is one of my favorite stories ever.
pw7090 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:44:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, wonderful story. Hadn't heard it before, but it reminded me a lot of this short film:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lunch_Date
gnarbone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I quite enjoyed that.
sami2503 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:17:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have another story, It's even more stupid.
I'm at a coach station in manchester England at 5 am and I wanted to get a coach to Cornwall to go to a friends birthday weekend. I'm the only one there and I see a coach approaching and as far as I'm aware mine is the only coach at this time. I give the coach driver my ticket and he gestures me inside. He didn't really look properly at the ticket though. I sit down and replay what just happened over and over again in my head and whether he did look at it properly and whether I'm just worrying about nothing. The coach had set off and instead of just asking him like a normal person I avoided it and just went to sleep.
Almost 4 hours later I wake up and I see Regents Park. I was in London.
All I had to do was ask 1 question
lotsofdicksweat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:06 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh.
It's a nice story but you were able to sleep not knowing where you were headed? Feels off.
sami2503 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:04 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cornwall is like 8 hours away and it was 5am I had no sleep. The beginning part of the journey for both destinations is south on the motorway.
OECU_CardGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say that corridor awkwardness would give it a run for its money. He was a real corriemuchloch.
rokindit ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 19:43:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I would 100% do even if they spoke English to me.
Actually it reminds me of when I was 8 years old, I spilled strawberry milk all over my lunch and I just sat there all sad and ate my soggy food while all the kids asked me about my lunch and why I didn't just go ask for a new one.
ReasonablyAssured ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 19:05:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how you didn't translate "ja, bitte". That part made me lol. I was super awkward when I was in Germany too. Most people in Germany speak English, so any encounter with someone who didn't ended up making me feel awkward.
Edit: didn't translate
the6crimson6fucker6 ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 22:33:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like me. For the last 27 years. I am german...
2yrnx1lc2zkp77kp ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 00:11:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ich auch danke
Eymou ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:19:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ich drei, danke
Buerdax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:03:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ich im echten Leben.
Pawprintjj ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:26:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically, he didn't translate that part.
whatthatboydoing ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:25:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have done the same. Also, waiter can give me the complete wrong order and I will just sit there and eat it instead of saying something. I feel guilty with every bite bc I know someone else actually ordered it and wanted it too..
manamachine ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:46:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a cringe Germany story too, except I got the right food.
I'm an Anglo Canadian with questionable French who lives in Montreal. Was there last year and stopped by a corner market. I knew enough German words (thanks, Duolingo!) to order me some berries.
Dude asks me a question. I search my brain for "yes" and out comes "oui". Turns out market bro is somewhat fluent in French. He starts asking me questions in French. I give half-answers because I'm struggling. My German at that point was only sightly worse than my French, so we're both mostly failing to communicate. Had I not given my stupid "oui", we could have been conversing in German or English, and at least one of us would be having a good time.
Classified0 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:14:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm also Canadian, but I don't speak French. About a year ago, I was visiting Montreal and I decided to go to a Tim hortons there. While in line, I figured I would look up how to make my order in French, and when I got to the front, I made my order. Unfortunately, the server also responded in French, asking me a question, and I had no idea what she said. I struggled to find a response, and while doing so, she asked me the question again, but in English.
manamachine ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:25:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my daily life.
vanderBoffin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:52:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know german pretty well, and whether I try to speak a third language, a lot of German comes up. I said "ja" a lot when I was in Paris last year. There must be some brain reason for it, but I felt like a total idiot.
MrPokinatcha ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:27:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HAHaa Same situation, I just moved to Germany, my German sucks. I go to this Hollandische Pommes place and order some shit that looked fried and good. Seconds after ordering it I decided to use google translate to see what it was. It's fried fish sticks. I am VERY allergic to fish. But too awkward to even try to tell her, so... I just looked at the girl take it out of a package, put it in the frier, wait for like 5 minutes put it on a plate, give it to me, take my 9 euros and give me my baggy.
I just walked around the corner and gave it to a Homeless guy. Didn't realize that the girl went out the back door (for a break or whatever) and saw me do that. She gave me such a huge smile, I guess she thought I did it all on purpose. Then she procceeded to talk to me and say somehting obvoiulsy flirty, but in German...
So I just turned around and left absolutely defeated. No girl, no food, down 9 euros.
A very shitty afternoon indeed...
ljonka ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:13:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did ya leave tho? Just say that you're not speaking german. Am german and virtually anyone I know would understand that and have a nice talk in english.
mrgonzalez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:50:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess the panic was too much for him. Part of the original 'lie' was that he didn't know German enough to order the right thing but carried on like he did, so maybe in that moment revealing the truth about not knowing German felt like it would unravel the whole 'lie' about why he gave the food to the homeless guy.
ljonka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not necessarily. I mean how should she know he's allergic to fish? He coulda played it cool and be like 'I ordered a random food for this stranger bc I'm canadian (or sth.)".
Then again, I guess he didnt put that much thought into it and just wanted to leave.
MrPokinatcha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:08 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remember the title of the thread? too awkward to do the normal thing? =(
ljonka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:57 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, you're late to the party. I do but I was asking for his motives.
MrPokinatcha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:42 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually me... (I dont usually open reddit on weekends :S And my motives were... just that. awkwardness. Even though in her mind at the moment I was a cute charitable man who she wanted to meet, I was really shy foreigner who didn't speak the language. I was feeling like shit because I almost died because of that (my fish allergy is pretty dangerous). So yeah.. bad moment, didn't think much atm...
Chrisixx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:37:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ach Junge, warum?
wtfrara ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:33:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I was in Germany I ran into a shop to pick up some dinner so I could save a bit of money instead of eating out again. I didn't know that typically you bring your own grocery bags and they don't provide them and they don't bag for you like they do at most grocery stores in the US. Obviously, I didn't bring my grocery bag with me on vacation so this was a bit of an issue.
I gathered a bunch of ingredients to make pasta with bread and cheese and picked up some chocolate to bring home. I got to the register to pay and was stuck in line before I realized what was going to happen. The woman told me the price, I paid, and then gathered all the food into my arms and awkwardly walked back to the hotel. Only redeeming thing was that I managed to not drop anything.
Niibu ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never seen a supermarket not selling grocery bags (7ct or so). You may have missed them.
wtfrara ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have had to know how to ask for them in German or really embarrass myself and ask in English.
Niibu ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:20:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
English works fine in Germany :) we love to show off our horrible accent.
losian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:03:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For what it's worth I think the accent is awesome when speaking English - doubly so that folks are multi-language capable, I can never knock that.
YoungHotStalin69 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 21:16:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of something that happened to me in a mall in dresden. I was still hungry but not hungry enough for a whole meal so I figured I'd have schnitzel again since I was in Germany. I knew enough to order it but then the person who worked there kept asking me questions and I just kept nodding. I ended up with a huge meal that I couldn't finish. Luckily I managed to communicate that I wanted the rest to go.
Pay attention in German class kids.
Njagos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did it taste good at least?
YoungHotStalin69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was really good. I wish I could have finished it.
lifesmaash ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:35:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
U irl
http://knowyourmeme.com/photos/946411-oxford-comma
theandroqueen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:57:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you were making a point about Oxford commas until I went through all the memes and saw the orange juice on toast one again lmao
lifesmaash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:21:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh i thought it was the first one so itd be obvious.
ShotgunSnails ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck dude I was interning at this place once and my quesadilla slid off my plate when I went to grab my wallet. I just picked it up off the floor feet from the cashier and tried to pay and she was like "no, go get another one..."
Moedig25 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:34:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SLPT if that happens, just pretend you are deaf and point at the food and make strange noises, they will figure pretty quick and you have a high chance they don't know sign language so they will begin to either do things for you (easier than them trying to communicate with a deaf person) or worst case scenario write something down, at which point just write back in English and your set :)
marilyn_monbroseph ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:51:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what do you do when they start signing at you though? ๐ณ
Moedig25 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:06:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run. Or start pretending you're blind?
towo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:46:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The correct reply, of course, being "Heute ist nicht mein Tag."
Fickery_dich ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:35:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a Brit living in Germany. This awkward shit is my daily life because I don't know how to say things. I even got off the bus 2km too early and paid for a fare 3km too far in the same journey. There was no fixing it- just pay an extra Euro to walk 2 kilometres. I also nod and agree way more than I should.
Edit: and just half an hour ago the bus lady was telling me some important information. I had no idea what the fuck she was telling me but I know I need to know it. I wasn't prepared and instead of explaining I didn't understand I just gave her a confused look until she stopped talking.
gigastack ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:39:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it's all the same in your stomach I guess.
PlumLion ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:07:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is exactly something I would do
jerdub1993 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:36:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an American who recently moved to Spain and this kind of thing happens to me all too often
Gosu-Sheep ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:19:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you eat it? You had to empty the tray somehow, right?
Moleicesters ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:33:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh fucking hell i hope you don't mentally torture yourself for this like i probably would
notthatshort ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:18:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do I imagine "ja bitte" translates to "yeah bitch"?
turtleh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:38:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I miss Germany, the morning sandwiches and schweinshaxe with sauerkraut.
Among other things.
MoonPoolActual ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:00:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel your pain. German is hard to learn. And the ruined food sucks too.
enjuus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:06:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man gรถnnt sich ja sonst nichts.
SheiraTiireine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:17:56 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite part is that she probably spoke English.
av9099 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:29:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you wanna hang out sometime, hit me up! Where are you in Germany?
DreadNinja ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:02:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dont know why, but I wanted to ask him/her the exact same thing.
Njagos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:13:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wenn should all meet up together!
av9099 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's not too far way for me, we should:-)
FayyazEUW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently in Cologne
av9099 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you stalk him?
FayyazEUW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just checked the first page of his comment history
madpiggy69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Party at Frรผh am Dom
iwannaboopyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god that's horribly hilarious. I can absolutely see myself doing something like that.
dot-pixis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Living in another country and dealing with the language barrier is fucking tough. Sympathies to you.
Satis24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going to Germany next week. I aim to learn from your mistakes.
SexyOAG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been lots of times I'm situations like that and I always add something like 'don't worry, that's how I like it' to make things a little bit worse.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs sad
UEMcGill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where in Germany were you staying they didn't have breakfast at the hotel? That's the mystery here. I didn't know that was possible (I go to Germany a lot)
cornflakegrl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just so British.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure she wasn't just asking you if you'd like more commas with your lists? Or did you actually have breadcheeseham?
EUW_Ceratius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, most people in Germany speak quite good english, so you could just talk to them in english, if that helps you :) Obviously this goes not for everyone, but I bet someone would help out and translate if he/she would notice the cashier doesn't understand what you're saying. We're open here! No fear ;)
lemonfluff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:39:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing. I'll be in Germany next week; here is what you say next time you're in this situation. "SHEISSE"
Just scream it until you feel less awkward.
teh_maxh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:02:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That makes you sound like a tourist. Try "ICH ARSCHFICKTE DEINE MUTTER BIS SIE GEWEINT!"
I mean, you'll get the crap beaten out of you, but they won't think you're a tourist.
Nitnati ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:27:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably will because that's the wrong tense
lemonfluff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:59 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep - take the "ge" out ;)
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:40:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sides xD
[deleted] ยท -31 points ยท Posted at 21:37:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not really being awkward its just being a pussy
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:52:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You live up to your name.
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 21:57:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess you also go out of your way to inconvenience yourself because you're scared of literally saying " hey can I get this replaced?"
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:02:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since you use the word "pussy" for something else than the female genitalia, I guess you're not only what your name says but also not older than 14 on a mental basis. Have a nice day.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean at least I can go through life without having to pussyfoot around everyone like a coward, so who's the real winner here? ๐
lotsofdicksweat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:41:40 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:56:43 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah not really
AriadneHaze ยท 12140 points ยท Posted at 18:55:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a freshman in college, I saw a production of some Shakespeare play, and developed an instant crush on the lead actor. I saw him at lunch the day after the play, and my friends urged awkward, shy, 17-year-old me to approach him and say how much I enjoyed his performance in the show. I'm not sure if they really thought this very attractive senior was going to have any interest in me, but apparently I got talked into it, because I marched over to his table and he and all his friends fell silent as I approached.
I stood there trying to think of what to say, now that I was actually there. I opened my mouth and said, "Very nice!" (I was a teenaged girl, but I said it like Borat, unfortunately). He had no idea what I was talking about, and didn't say anything, so I tried again.
"You were great last night!" I said.
As soon as the words left my mouth, his friends lost their shit and started whistling and laughing. I was mortified, and slunk back to my table awkwardly. I swear I still cringe about this, almost 30 years later.
lperry_97 ยท 2679 points ยท Posted at 22:08:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Very nice. How much?"
AriadneHaze ยท 143 points ยท Posted at 22:11:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have paid him in pubic hair...
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 00:13:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I raise you two bags pubis.
Spits on hand
Offers hand
MarioV2 ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 22:38:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what lmao
Drelecour ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 22:41:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BWvmoC8CQAA845p.jpg:large
extra-long-pubes ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:45:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll sell you some of mine. It gets a good price
ManiacalMacAndCheese ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:50:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
bleedingfingaz ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:31:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anda wut iz diyis?
DedRuck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:26:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cheese
Eazer27 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:00:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I'm cool, doesn't bother me"
spirit_spine ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:00:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your WOMEN! I want to buy your WOMEN! The little girl, your daughters, sell them to me! SELL ME YOUR CHILDREN!
Ann_Coulters_Wig ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:35:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that in Mr. Chow's voice.
Edit: from the Hangover.
fallout52389 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:58:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
$3.50
linwail ยท 2014 points ยท Posted at 22:01:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably my favorite comment
FeatheredSun ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 00:23:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mine too. Fucking hilarious in it's cringey humanity!
fjordfjord ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:35:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was very nice.
shane_low ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:50:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, it's very nice
slaps thigh
FulvousWhistlingDuck ยท 216 points ยท Posted at 20:49:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What happened after?
AriadneHaze ยท 486 points ยท Posted at 20:52:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends made fun of my for the entire time I was at that college. I transferred and graduated from an out-of-state college, so it was only for that year. I don't ever remember seeing the actor again, thank God.
heymylittlefishies ยท 368 points ยท Posted at 23:00:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're telling me you both aren't married for 30 years and he's making you pancakes while you wrote this? sigh
_boboddy ยท 97 points ยท Posted at 23:15:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There goes my faith in humanity
white_android ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 23:16:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask Reddit has really fucked up my expectations...
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:52:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worst timeline.
AriadneHaze ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:29:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, no.
wayaway4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whaaaat? I can't believe it.
Sentrion ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:45:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your use of tenses is extremely confusing.
heymylittlefishies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I figured that when I reread the comment, but in my defense I was typing it in bed at 3:30 am aaanddd I'm not a native English speaker ๐คท
Cornel-Westside ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 23:21:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You transferred to get out of one embarrassing story? That's the actually sad part.
AriadneHaze ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 23:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No!! I transferred to a better school for my major. Unrelated.
mrchaotica ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 23:29:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suuuuure you did.
megloface ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:57:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's definitely what I would tell my parents too.
Cameronam ยท -21 points ยท Posted at 23:28:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also the fact she still cringes about 30 years later
Iโve done some noteworthy things to embarrass myself in front of girls, but I thought the cringeness eventually goes away...
MiniEquine ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:31:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, you thought wrong. If you cringe now, you'll be cringing in the future too.
philo-soph ยท 301 points ยท Posted at 22:30:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha! Once I told a girl I had a huge crush on that I like her by doing an impression of Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber, "I like ya. I like ya a LOT." She gave me the saddest pity laughed of all time and said, "oh, Dumb and Dumber." Then looked away from me. Instant regret.
OldManPhill ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 23:09:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She just doesn't have appreciation for fine artistic masterpieces like Dumb and Dumber. Dodged a bullet on that one
Red_Otaku ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 23:27:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Dumb and Dumber...
DeemDNB ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:23:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real. I love Dumb and Dumber, one of my favourite movies. In high school, I showed it to a best friend when I learned he hadn't seen it, and he didn't laugh once. Things have never been the same between us.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:26:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm surprised you're still friends.
philo-soph ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should've been my attitude about it all these years!!!!
buttaholic ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:29:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you're sayin' there's a chance!
nbyevu ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:49:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time when I say A LOT. Omg do people not get it and just think I'm crazy? Oh no I'm in a spiral.
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not alone. I say it like that, too.
HotSauceHigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always think it's a cute thing a friend does and am disappointed when I find it's from a movie, and dumb for thinking it was original.
vidyagameplaya ยท 169 points ยท Posted at 22:15:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar experience, but it was me who talked me into it. In 7th grade, I decided that I finally had enough courage to talk to the girl that I had a huge crush on! As I was walking past her in the hallway, I stopped and said "Hey, smile!", "why?" "Because you have a great smile!" And then I continued on my way. At the time I was proud of myself for talking to a girl, but I cringe now that I think back to how awkward it was.
carverthekid ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 22:48:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SMILE, SWEETHEART
Soundtravels ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 00:27:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a great pick up line but grade A for 7th grade.. One of the most awkward times in life.
vidyagameplaya ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 02:20:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's another one! I just remembered that I also had an experience in 6th grade too. I tend to block this one from my memory because this is even better haha.
Ok, so I had a crush on this girl in my class for the whole year. About a month before the year ended I walked up to her and I said "I like you, do you like me?" She said "no". I cried at home later that day, but my parents told me that she might not have meant it because I was so direct and put her on the spot lol. Anyways, fast forward to yearbook signing time. I asked her to sign my yearbook and also to put her number too, and she did! Score! Fast forward again a few weeks and I finally got the courage to call her up. The conversation went something like this: "Hello?" "Hi! This is --- " "hi!" And then...silence ensued for what felt like an eternity as I sat there with sweaty palms, heart racing, horrified that I could not think of one thing to say. It was about a minute or so until she said "ok, well I have to go take a shower now." I never heard or saw her again. I actually tried calling again a few weeks later but the number was disconnected. I blew it, but I learned a lot about myself.
Soundtravels ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:34:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its tough when you're young and you dont know how to read people in the romance area yet. Reading others is difficult throughout life, of course, but i felt like i was much worse at it when i was younger.
Squonkster ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:49:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too true. Now that I'm older and experienced, I no longer have those horribly awkward and embarrassing moments of asking women out, because I can now tell way ahead of time they aren't remotely interested.
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 23:50:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CableTrash ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 00:34:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL โYou have a great smileโ is a rude thing to say.
slaterthings ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 00:48:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not, but ordering a girl to smile is obnoxious.
CableTrash ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:34:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't really read it as an order, I read it as an awkward 12 year old boy cheerfully suggesting I smile. Since that was the context.
slaterthings ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:35:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No no, of course I'm not talking about little kids. I'm talking about grown men you don't know going "Smile! You'd be so pretty if you smiled more! Be happy!" Fuck off.
CableTrash ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:59:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha what?? i love you no matter what. Smile :)
wandering_ones ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 01:07:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have a great smile isn't how he started. She wasn't smiling, he said "Hey, smile". It's not appropriate to walk up to people you know or don't know and demand that they smile. If they are smiling you can tell them they have a great smile.
vidyagameplaya ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:56:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously, 12 year old me didn't understand that this might be rude but I had good intentions I promise. Also, I didn't know how to follow this up with anything, like "are you single" or "would you like to go out". I never talked to this girl again after that either because of the cringeness I created.
number__ten ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 00:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I met my wife at a wedding. I had never seen her before in my life but after talking to her throughout the night I really wanted to see her again. I wrote my number on the back of a movie ticket stub in my wallet (transformers) and handed it to her to which she said (in Borat voice) "great success!" I had no idea what she was doing as I had never seen it.
RubberedDucky ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 00:59:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is she Holly from The Office?
AriadneHaze ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:37:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol!
PsychoEliteNZ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:32:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
ZombiePumkin ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 23:38:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Senior year of highschool there was this really cute freshman. Normally, I would criticize relationships with such an age difference, but she was everything I look for in a girl (visually anyway, I don't know about her personality). I wanted to talk to her, but I'm really shy. So, yearbooks came at the end of the year, and I was looking through one with some friends, and when we stumbled across the girl's picture, I told them I had a huge crush on her, but didn't know what to say. One of my friends said to just call her pretty and ask for her number, so I decided to go for it. The last day of school came around, and we walked through the hallways in the morning "to pass the time" but whenever we walked passed where the girl usually hangs out, her and her friends weren't there. It was 2 minutes before the morning bell, and we had given up hope, but I decided to make one last walk with one friend. And there she was. I had to psych myself up by yelling at my friend "Should I do it? I'm gonna do it!". She heard me. But she was already looking, so I didn't have to get her attention to talk to her. I said "I think you're really cute, can I get your number?" I got rejected
Kanzu5665 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 23:58:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, props to you for going through with it. I'm sure looking back now, you don't regret taking the chance, no matter how awkward it was.
ImFullOfChocolate ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 21:52:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much for sharing this, it made my day!
[deleted] ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 22:31:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:10:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wha wha whee wha very nice.
lagelthrow ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:36:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
this one hurt
Skitskatskoodledoot ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:51:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of 7th grade french class there was a substitute that nobody liked because he had a weird pedo vibe...
One day during a test I felt like I had to cough constantly and kept clearing my throat to stifle it. He finally came over and asked if I was okay, if I needed anything, and I forgot the word (in English, screw trying French) for "cough drop" or "lozenge" so my response was "yah... my throat is itchy, so you have anything.... like... hard...I could suck on?".
The class just freaking lost it and the poor guy got so embarrassed and walked away. I felt like an ass, but had to kind of play it off as an intentional prank.
absolutemonsterxx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:56:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember my two friends were talking about drumming and this girl jumps in and was like "You guys should have a beat off to see who's better at drumming!" We started laughing so hard.
therawrj ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:22:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I like how you just went for it, some people don't go for things and never get what they want. Even though you feel cringy, thank you for sharing!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:30:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO. I really hope this story is true, i can see why you'd remember it 30 years later.
AriadneHaze ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:38:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG, are you kidding? It's true!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It just seems like something out of a movie almost too perfect to be true. I was awkward af as a teenager too but luckily I managed to escape without something this bad.
AriadneHaze ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:47:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was awkward, and have several more stories of awkward stuff I've done/experienced. I was a teenager in the 80s. I lived a freaking John Hughes movie.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:00:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to hear more but I don't think it's possible to follow that first story
AriadneHaze ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:18:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the one that sticks out most. I also remember a time I met an incredibly adorable guy at some store where my friend worked, when I was about 15 or 16. I was super " alternative" for my area at the time (combat boots, dresses from the 1930s, etc) and this guy was very much into the kind of stuff I liked. It turned out that he went to the high school a few towns over from mine, and I instantly started imagining that he and I would end up dating.
I was so excited about this that I drove to the place my friend Andy was working, because he was also part of that scene, and went to the same high school as the boy I'd just met. Andy and his coworker Shannon (whom I didn't know) listened to me gush about this boy, and how cool and gorgeous he was, and how perfect we'd be together, etc. Andy asked what the guy's name was, and when I told them, Shannon says, "That's my boyfriend!!" From that day on, even though I never spoke to him again, Andy related how Shannon would never stop talking about how I was her "worst enemy".
trulymadlybigly ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:48:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is honestly precious. I feel like we've all been there, I asked a junior to a dance when i was a freshman and his friends were cackling the whole time and pretended he didn't know what I was talking about and that honestly keeps me up at night sometimes if i really think about it. Also he turned out to be gay so there's that.
FeatheredSun ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:22:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG I am laughing so hard at this...whew...wow!
quagsnavely ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:20:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would've worked on me.
beakye7 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:28:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh good lord.
Baron_Duckstein ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:29:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least Borat wasn't a thing back then, if you were making that reference it would have been way worse.
Great_cReddit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:56:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can hear the forehead slaps from others as they read this. "Very nice!" lmfao! You are awesome!
fraud_imposter ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:33:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actor here. He still hugely appreciated it.
AriadneHaze ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:37:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, I hope so!
jimbo224 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 21:35:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
College freshman at 17?
AriadneHaze ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 21:36:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. I turned 18 in November
Bhagswag ยท 114 points ยท Posted at 21:50:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayyy join the 17-as-freshman-and-18-in-November town
Population: 2
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:01:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are at least 3 of us!
AriadneHaze ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:24:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
November 28 here!
4Roolow ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:32:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Birthday buddy!
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YAY!! Except I was born in 1970, so I'll bet I had it first.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:32:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm November 18! Omg you're such a baby! /s
Bhagswag ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:21:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4 here, you're just little sperms smh.
thedarklorddecending ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with you man.
wtfisamelon ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:32:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are dozens of us! DOZENS!!!
Zexous47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make it 4! Though I'm a junior now.
FiliKlepto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We should start a sub for our kind!
Isthisaweekday ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:24:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:11:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nov 14!
Tubbytron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap, I found my people!
slanid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another one here. No sorority would take me because I wasn't an adult. :(
OceanTombs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I turned 18 a week ago and im a freshman
Unexpected_SoIaF ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:12:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh, I was a college freshman at 16, turned 17 a month later, but for 1 whole month, 16
jimbo224 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:14:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you skip a few grades or something?
Unexpected_SoIaF ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:15:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only 1. I was one of the youngest in my original class anyways.
Volwik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:34:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I skipped 2nd grade and decided not to skip 4th. Out of curiosity, where did you live when you skipped? I was in the Virgin Islands at a private school. Not exactly typical so I'm curious how it happened for other people.
aaronv10 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:44:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I skipped 2nd grade too. It was mainly because id finish work way earlier and then start dicking around with anyone. Teachers didnt like it because i was distracting other kids.(obviously lil me was fucking hilarious /s) Funnily the teacher that recommended me was the teacher that i annoyed the most and sent me out of class all the time.
Volwik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny, I was told that at one point I had my arms in my shirt and I was spinning around like a helicoptor in class. I was constantly in and out of the principals office. I'd get work done faster too but I'd also been professionally intelligence tested. Just trying to figure out if most schools facilitate this process or if it's super rare.
aaronv10 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:56:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive never been professipnally tested. Also onwards in middle and highschool i was aboveaverage but not one of the best because i did jack shit for anything because i could get by with doing absolutely nothing. I still have no work ethic and believe work ethic> intelligence all day long. Yes, i hate myself for being lazy af. My best act was putting whoopie cushions under the teachers chairs.
Volwik ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:03:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like me , except my work ethic is either 200รท or 0% mostly out of necessity (bills, etc.) But I did win a spelling bee and a fishing tournament like 10 years ago though so... lol. I take the easy route whenever possible. I almost didn't get my SAT graded because I got caught skipping ahead and marking answers because I didn't want to sit there for hours.
Have you ever taken the Meyers-briggs personality test? 16personalities.com
I'd be curious what type it says you are, I'm an INTP
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Volwik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good luck to you man! I went to college for 2 years before dropping out to move and go snowboard, I don't regret it. I need to go back one of these days though. Don't let your parents get you down, everyone's path is different. No one could ever make me to do something I didn't want to do, so do what you want, what makes you happy. When that intelligence kicks in on something you care about, look out world. I'm looking forward to the update.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually achieved the highest test scores in 6th grade but still flunked out and almost was held back the second time because I couldn't be assed to do any homework. Started taking hgh injections and ended up on the honor roll during the 3rd quarter of 7th grade though.
DieFledermausFarce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did hgh help?
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I barely make any. I don't have much in the way of an anterior pituitary gland. It helped me grow a little more than I would have otherwise. Also though, it improved my mood, energy and my ability to focus. I took it up until the growth plates on my bone ends hardened. I actually started taking it again about 5 years ago after struggling without it for nearly 30 years and it has made a big difference the quality of my life. I wish I had known this decades ago. I thought its sole purpose was to help kids grow.
DieFledermausFarce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow, I may have to look into this. I have a lesion on my pituitary stalk that blocks the flow of neurotransmitters and I barely graduated because I could not force myself to do homework. I may just be terminally lazy or it could be related. Thank you :)
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, please make an appointment with an endocrinologist. You're welcome.
Unexpected_SoIaF ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:36:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a public school and I had enough credits to graduate.
Volwik ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:38:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotcha, you skipped a later grade
cumbomb ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:36:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold on... Borat and Da Ali G show wasnโt a thing until the late 90โs. How could this have been 30 years ago?
AriadneHaze ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 22:54:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't do it on purpose to sound like him!
bobboobles ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:56:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe the actor in the Shakespeare play was Sacha Baron Cohen and he got the line and accent from her!? O_o
nbyevu ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:51:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't believe I had to scroll that far to find this question. Thank you for asking!
TheOrangeShyGuy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:49:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a second I was like "huh whats wrong" and didn't notice until I read one of the replies what it implied. So basically I would have done the same thing :P
Molinaridude ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:49:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And this is why I donโt tell people who I have a crush on that I have a crush on them
Kheiyw ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
very naisu caesar-chan
fishl3gs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:28:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was sort of the cutest thing.
getmepuutahereplz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:32:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm loving this.
Password_Loser ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:39:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can feel the cringe through my phone... but conversely, i bet he remembers that and was probably flattered.
Salim_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:45:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, I just bust out laughing in a BBQ buffet
Cattia117 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:58:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard I started coughing and couldn't breath, husband had to check on. You win.
Anal_Apple ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:25:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, you're doing great hunny
Thompson_S_Sweetback ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's extremely advanced Borat.
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:12:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man! Borat!
I locked up all my Borat references in a cage since in most cases they're a faux pas.
Sometimes I go up to the cage and say " You will never get this! You will never get this! La la la la laaaa!"
One time he break out of his cage and he get this!
6chan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:29:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just made my day. I swear I have tears coming out of my eyes.
You sound pretty fun btw :)
NotADeadHorse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:30:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You said it like Borat 20 years before Borat existed? Lol
Https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borat
VikingTeddy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:56:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She didn't mean she referenced Borat, she just sounded like him.
NotADeadHorse ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:58:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, I meant she created that Borat line and should get royalties
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Completely agree.
shirleysparrow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:55:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel any better after reading this I now have the worldโs most embarrassing hiccups and Iโm on a public train.
ghc86 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I asked a girl if she wanted to go out sometime. I never really talked to her but she seemed nice and was attractive. Anyways she originally said yes, but being awkward me I didn't talk to her for like a week.
Finally I approach her in the hall when she is with all of her friends and ask when she wants to go out. To my surprise she now says she has a boyfriend and I walk away awkwardly feeling like an idiot. I honestly have no idea if she actually had a boyfriend or not.
Story two probably happened a few months later that same year. We were at some assembly and one of the guys I kinda hung out with tells a girl that I have liked her for a long time. Which was true, but I don't think I ever really told anyone because she was more popular than me. Anyways being me I deny it even though I saw her blushing and for all I know may have been interested.
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why, why, WHY can't teenagers read clues? This was totally the male version of me.
noblesse-oblige- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:06:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so hard I almost peed myself no joke. Reddit comments donโt usually get me like this ๐
AlwaysClassyNvrGassy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:09:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatever part of the human body that makes cringing happen, mine just broke
flatterygetsunowhere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:44:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god you nearly killed me, laughed so much I had to use my inhaler ( asthmatic with a cold ) this tragic story is hysterical thank you for sharing
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad I could almost kill you!
flatterygetsunowhere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:13 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ญ๐ญ
obeyaasaurus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:03:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd actually pay you to reenact this scene in a Borat tone.
Scylene ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it any consolation, you have a hilarious story to share with people now!
I mean, it probably isnโt any consolation, but I still enjoyed reading it lol
MGB97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:48:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I'm just thinking of borat. "I like a you! I like a sex! Is nice!"
eraserrrhead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Borat isn't that old... I'm confused
54Baboo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:22:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This gave me courage. Thanks for sharing!
pm_meyourmartialarts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for making me laugh out loud in a crowded subway.
MeloneFxcker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:34:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His wiiife! Vey niiiiice! It's borat...
GatorGladiator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:36:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been left giggling. I wish I had enough money to gild you.
kittysub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:11:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm crying! This one's my favorite.
ArtermisMoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holly cow!! Even my cheeks are red right now!!
Reading that made me take my hand off my mouse, cover my whole face and just sink into my office chair.
xddm2653 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are now a moderator at /r/cringe
ilovemallory ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:02:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to make a movie script featuring this exact scenario
AriadneHaze ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:29:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please do!
ilovemallory ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:32:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can picture it... James Franco as the actor/douchey senior, and perhaps Ellen Page as you. Seth Rogen mingling around in the background laughing while taking a drag
AriadneHaze ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:36:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Franco is way too hot. Ellen Page could work as young me.
ilovemallory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has brains too, apparently! What a catch. And of course, she is the quintessential awkward teen character.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:30:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So freaks and geeks?
ilovemallory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
precisely! Linda Cardellini could be a back-up for Ellen Page
AriadneHaze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll try to link a pic of myself at that age if I can figure it out.
AriadneHaze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://imgur.com/a/QcPLb
Not sure if this works or not, but this is me around the time of this incident. Cropped my dad and my little cousin out, lol.
ilovemallory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:50:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow, without the risk of sounding obsequious or creepy, you were very pretty then (and even perhaps now idk). Definitely got that Lindsay Weir look and vibe going on
AriadneHaze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw, thanks! I'll take that as a compliment.
ziggyboom2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You look good.
AriadneHaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL. I was 17, of course I looked good.
sidekickbananaduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
Ninjatroiiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably thought you meant sexy times were good.
ultimateforme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I like"
jackster_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not at happened almost 30 years ago? Fuck I'm getting old as shit.
AriadneHaze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 46...
jackster_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:32:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, autocorrect fucked up my joke. And it wasn't very funny in the first place. Thanks for not downvoting. Have an upvote!
AriadneHaze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I thought it was funny.
Tabs287 ยท 4216 points ยท Posted at 16:28:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend gave me a slice of Velveeta cheese at her house. I tried it and thought it was gross so I smashed it in between the couch cushions to get rid of it instead of telling her I didn't like it and throwing it away like a normal person.
GreenStrong ยท 2002 points ยท Posted at 17:47:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The garbage can is too good for Velveeta, you did the right thing.
BreezyWrigley ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 21:21:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that feel when my body is worse than a garbage can
Timett_son_of_Timett ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:52:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just don't be worse than a dumpster and I think you're fine.
scottyis_blunt ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:39:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I...I put velveeta in queso dip and eat it every other week. I like it, and its easy.
ToxicDuck867 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:45:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am of the opinion that it's not gross when it's made into something else or mixed into something. However, just eating like a plain slice of velvetta tastes shitty.
Compare a slice of like kraft american cheese vs velvetta, the kraft one tastes much better. We're talking american cheese here, so the bar for quality isn't exactly high at all.
I think it deserves a bit more slack though, for example there's an american cheese called cooper cheese that is actually really good, especially on like burgers and cheesesteaks and shit. I don't know why I'm thinking so much about american cheese.
kuri_sanTou ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:35:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
coopers makes decent cheese considering it's cheaper than most other brands and it's considered food stamp grade perishables.
ToxicDuck867 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah for its price it tastes a lot better than you'd expect for sure.
DoggyP0O ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:51:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The garbage can doesnt deserve this big velveeta
Drew707 ยท 425 points ยท Posted at 18:08:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People just eat it? I always thought it was meant more for melting and sauces.
Legend017 ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 18:59:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. Why would you eat it plain?
[deleted] ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 19:45:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to describe the texture once to an international friend. Ended up describing it as American Cheese-flavored Cream Cheese. Gag-worthy.
kuri_sanTou ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:39:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that sounds good. I might just buy a block now. I've never had it since I never knew it was sold in the part of the store where they keep the chips and that cheese wiz stuff
DLOGD ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:57:51 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not smooth and spreadable like cream cheese is, it's a rubbery block that only resembles something edible when it's melted.
Oh and don't microwave it, it fucking explodes like a raw egg.
Maxotis4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:08 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's good with macaroni
Killedkarma ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:29:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It used to be a special treat my grandpa would give me, I loved it as a kid!
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 20:21:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you eat it at all? Cheese exists, it didn't need a damn replacement.
BrainWrex ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 21:22:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
velveeta works really well for nacho cheese dip! regular cheese doesnt melt down to be as creamy without some added dairy.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:38:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom makes mac and cheese with Velveeta and cheddar and it's really good. Like ghetto barbecue restaurant mac and cheese.
[deleted] ยท -43 points ยท Posted at 22:49:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Rosulm ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 23:36:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like Americans are the only ones who eat gross food on occasion... Oh wait, that shit's relative. Fascinating.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:34:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do they not have Italian delis in America, do people not know what Jarlsberg is?
QuinntinteranC ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:30:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have jarlsburg, but itโs going to be a lot more expensive than velveeta, jarlsberg being a good cheese for dips isnโt exactly common knowledge, and really, who cares?
scottyis_blunt ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:41:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I go through a big brick of it like every month. 1/2 cheese, 1/4 hot salsa, 1/4 lb ground beef and you have a killer party queso dip thats a sure hit.
jessisgonz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:25:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad does this. He rolls up deli sliced ham with velveeta and eats it as a snack.
Drew707 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:31:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Singles or the foil stuff?
jessisgonz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:35:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Singles
Drew707 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:25:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, carry on.
Lanoir97 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:38:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was riding the broke bus and couldn't afford to buy cheese slices but I had some Velveeta for making cheese sauces so for like a week I had Velveeta slices on my sandwiches. It wasn't too bad, but the texture was really weird.
Drew707 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:27:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My best use for them is making bullshit cheesesteaks. Brown some ground beef with a lot of prime rib seasoning, diced onion and bell pepper, and make a cheese sauce with white pepper. Serve on a roll. Cheap to make and pretty fucking good.
Lanoir97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds pretty good actually. There's a store near me that sells sliced beef pretty cheap, thanks for the idea. I know what I'm having for dinner whenever I next have time to cook.
Luciditi89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saved your comment so I can make cheesesteaks later
malamala1073 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:58:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I LOVE velveeta. Itโs honestly my go-to sandwich cheese.
Drew707 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:15:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The singles or the stuff in the foil?
malamala1073 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:33:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Singles for sandwiches. I donโt buy the stuff in the foil.
Drew707 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:46:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok. When I think of Velveeta, I think of the stuff in the foil that makes amazing cheesesteak sauce.
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:50:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you said "cheesecake sauce" and I was horrified but also a little intrigued.
Drew707 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:53:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just threw up a bit in my mouth.
PM_ME_SHIHTZU_PICS ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:03:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bet it tasted just like Velveeta.
scottyis_blunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing queso, cheesesteak sauce, mac n cheese in a pot, mac n cheese in a casserole, anything cheesy in a crock pot...a lot of hate in here, but it really is liquid gold.
budra477 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:32:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, I used to eat it with crackers as a kid. My parents cooked with it all the time too.
thesmobro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs practically orgasmic when eaten over tortilla chips, IMO, but I nearly vomit at the thought of eating it unmelted
_KingMoonracer ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 20:23:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They actually sell slices of "cheese" in packages, I guess for burgers? Ick either way.
Drew707 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 20:30:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For burgers, exactly. Not for just eating. That is weird.
lieutenantPepper ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 18:47:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some say it's still there to this day.
smorest ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:41:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom left my three siblings and me with the neighbor while she went to the hospital to have baby #5. The neighbor gave us these really gross lollipops. We were all such polite kids that we didnโt want to tell her we didnโt like the lollipops and we were afraid if we threw them away she would see them in the trash and it would hurt her feelings. We huddled to discuss and then decided to hide our lollipops around the house where she would never find them. I put mine in the couch cushions, my brother buried his in a flower pot, other brother stuck his behind the toilet and third brother found a place under the rug.
maceman_89 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:24:12 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I'd give to see the expression on her face as she sporadically discovers lollipops randomly around her house for the next few years.
zjl539 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:54:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That poor couch
chipotlore ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 22:11:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once put a hotdog on my friends roof because I didn't want to tell him I didn't like hotdogs.
1RedReddit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:11:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Storytime?
SkittlesDLX ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:16:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that the story?
Donna_Freaking_Noble ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:37:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once he put a hotdog on his friend's roof because he didn't want to tell him he didn't like hotdogs.
Luciditi89 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:54:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started a new job and a coworker was passing out snickers to everyone every other day for like a few weeks. I hate snickers so I just kept them in my drawer and hoarded them. One day I decided to throw them away and thought I hid them in the bottom of the bag but I was completely busted and had to explain why I threw away 15 good snickers bars instead of just giving them back or to someone else.
simpletongue ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:33:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode when Jerry's not eating meat, so he keeps spitting out the mutton his date cooked for him into her nice cloth napkins and sticking them into his coat pocket...
SandyXXIV ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:11:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As children in grandpa's house that didn't want to eat their food before the promised desert, we'd stuff our food under the sofa and hope nobody would notice.
...It was eventually noticed.
SadCena ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 18:10:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some friend you are
snorlz ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:50:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol this is so dumb, i cant stop laughing. im just picturing her finding a slice of velveeta while watching netflix 3 weeks later
Clashin_Creepers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:47:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't let a suitcase fill of cheese be your big fork and spoon
KingOfTheSchwill ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:38:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of shit host feeds cheese slices to their guests anyway?
somecow ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 21:08:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trying to be classy but forgot that the gas station next to the trailer park doesnโt sell shit to make an actual charcuterie board, so you settle for velveeta and slim jims artfully arranged on a paper plate instead.
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 21:44:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ghostronic ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:57:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God it must suck being so weird and rich, god it just sounds awful
twoblueruins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She deleted it before I got a chance to comment "yikes.......you should delete that" LMAO
Ghostronic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:02:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like she deleted her account. Damn weird rich people.
sticky-cuscus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What did it say?
twoblueruins ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:19:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It said,
"To be honest, that sounds kind of hilarious. My husband and I routinely visit an excellent local gourmet shop that makes one hell of a charcuterie board, and at one point, when his brother was visiting us, he saw the offerings of Spanish and Italian salamis and offered me a Slim Jim.
I've never had a Slim Jim.
I โฆ hadn't missed much.
I'm picturing my rich white-lady ass sauntering into a Mobil On The Run and disinterestedly asking for the catering manager behind the hot dog machine and asking him to make up a charcuterie board, "nothing too exotic, please" and putting an upper limit of $200 on him.
โฆ rich people are weird, dude."
...lol
Edit: for the record, Velveeta and Slim Jims are delicious. Source: am white trash
Mispict ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:37:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to try my hardest to exclaim "that's one hell of a charcuterie board" at some time in my life. Will report back when i do.
somecow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:07:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, saw that. And no, they don't have a fucking catering manager at the gas station. Hell, rare to find a place that has a hot dog bun steamer so you don't have to eat hard bread. Gas station hot dogs are delicious, and not gonna make you sick. They've been there for hours, anything that might have been alive is surely dead by the time you get one.
twoblueruins ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:14:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love gas station food and I find no shame in it. In north Texas we had Quiktrip, and they had the most amazing soft pretzels (I liked the garlic Parmesan one). They also had these ENORMOUS beef taquitos. I'm in Houston now and there aren't any Quiktrips here. :( 7-Eleven is dear to me too, because they have spicy chicken biscuits. You can't go wrong with a hot dog, either.
11311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of those interviews the family in The Queen of Versailles gives lol
knuggles_da_empanada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay
supperdenner ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:02:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damnit this one got me to laugh hard as fuck my guy dude bro
FeatheredSun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:26:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
later that week...
Honey...(concerned look)...did you put cheese in the couch?
zerocoolx05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're Mr. Bean.
I_love_pillows ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:35:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are u a cat
kaylashalayla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing... I have found a thread among my own people... lol
1deafvet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:40:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then the dog came over and dragged it out to eat it.
CosmicLightning ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:13:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yikes...lol...Anyway i love cheese but would never eat velveeta plain, it's meant to be a layer cheese or sauce cheese. Weird people dude...
Gamsurslicki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:00:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this at home as a kid. I got a piece of meat to taste but didn't like it so I shoved it between the couch cushions.
bobbinwinder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh the hardest. I totally did crap like this for years.
Artifex_Nox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ you're a barbarian
Julian_rc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow you ate it so fast, you must really like it! Let me get you some more!
storyofmylife92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly though what kind of "normal person" just hands someone a single slice Velveeta cheese? She sounds like an absolute weirdo.
Tabs287 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:25:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She cut a slice off the block and assured me it was the "best cheese ever"
storyofmylife92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:16 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just as I suspected, absolute weirdo
dl4422 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha that's hilarious
ThisIsHowItStartss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really hate food that I don't make, so this happens to me regularly, especially with the forceful types. I'm good at hiding it and finding an excuse to use the bathroom where it goes down the toilet.
KySmellyJelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol how big was this piece? Was it really thick and that's why you didn't want to just eat the whole gross slice?
darthrobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some say itโs still there to this day, waiting for a time of need.
kryptos19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great used of the phrase "I smashed it"
sirius_gray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heh, I did that with twizzlers in my aunt's van. After I had put it in my mouth and chewed a bit. It was my first time trying it and I hated it, but was too embarrassed to ask my cousins for a tissue or something.
Gamerologists ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you made a pretty sticky situation. badum tiss ... I'll see myself out.
TenthSpeedWriter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:06:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair a "slice" of velveeta is like a "slice" of pudding.
WarehouseBoi ยท 719 points ยท Posted at 20:10:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At thanksgiving last year, we had a pot of mashed potatoes covered in a totally glass lid. As I grabbed the knob to remove it, my aunt said "Careful it just came out of the oven." Instead of reacting like a human being and immediatly putting it down, I held on to that sucker and said, "Nah, its not bad. Who wants potatoes?"
I served 4 people while holding a molten lid, fighting to keep a straight face. I somehow calmly got up and put my hand in an ice bath shortly after. Ouch.
xrandomxchaosx ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 02:58:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started my arm hair on fire one thanksgiving...Iโm sure people noticed but no one said anything..
RequiemStorm ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 16:19:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's a potato?
WarehouseBoi ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:39:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am a fool. I understand the reference after a sudden epiphany. Take my vote.
WarehouseBoi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:25:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A potatoe is a typo. Potatoes is plural for potato.
Donna_Freaking_Noble ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real question here is who makes mashed potatoes in the oven?
WarehouseBoi ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:07:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe the mashed potatoes were put in said container, and kept in a hot oven for warmth
Bumpy_Waterslide ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 05:01:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I put them in my flask and my body heat keeps them warm all night for secret potatoes
poopscooper34234 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:10:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Napoleon gimme some of your tots
WarehouseBoi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:05:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No! Go find your own!
Wakkajabba ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:29:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't had secret potatoes since the war
Captain_Cawk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:05 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real life pro tip...
Mr3Stacks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was the funniest thing ive read today lmao ive done things similar to this so i feel your pain.
margariel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:12:06 on October 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Luckily for you it was not that kind of party.
CupcakeCulprit ยท 8246 points ยท Posted at 16:00:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw a colleague I actually like in the supermarket. Did not want to stop-and-chat and engage in weird small talk in a shop.
I proceeded to awkwardly walk backwards when I spotted her in the aisle and whispered slightly loud to my SO at the time "I hope she can't see me". She turned her face, looked at me and said "I can see AND I can hear you!"
avanttard ยท 3263 points ยท Posted at 16:05:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like supermarket small talk is just horrible for everybody, awkward or not
schwagle ยท 2072 points ยท Posted at 17:46:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially when you run into each other in the same aisle going different directions, but then you progress through the aisles at roughly the same rate, so you keep running into them over and over.
TrashPanda_Papacy ยท 1531 points ยท Posted at 19:21:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when you just decide whatever is already in your cart is plenty and you can get the rest tomorrow.
Adamawesome4 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 21:04:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After I say hi to someone, I GTFOtta there, even if my cart is still empty
good-titrations ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:25:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thank the heavens if I run into a friend when one of us is entering the store and one of us is leaving. a PERFECT excuse to have a short conversation and then start doing completely different things!
duhpolan ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:03:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then they see you exiting the store with nothing in your cart
SnowyDuck ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:21:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then they think the same thing and you're in the checkout isle next to them and you intently watch the cashier scan each item and pretend like you don't see them.
Jwalla83 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then you've both made this decision at the same time and now you're stuck next to each other in the only checkout line open
seal_eggs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:56:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only one who LIKES running into friends unexpectedly?
-fno-stack-protector ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:35:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
friends? hell yes love bumping into the boys.
acquaintances and people you sorta know? ehhh
seal_eggs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:59 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's someone I don't particularly like talking to (not many as I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone), I just politely let them know I'm in a hurry and can't stop to talk. I don't understand why people act like these things are so difficult.
-fno-stack-protector ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:52 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean thatโs what I do too
NisusWettus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:26:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah just run to the other end of the store and do your shopping in reverse order so you only pass them once. Yeah, done that.
Notpan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:15:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And end up ordering it off Amazon Pantry
AnthonyDidge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally this. Or go to housewares/clothing section to buy some time.
Conebones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, anxiety must be horrible!
BestFriendHasLeprosy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You both do that, and run into each other again the next day.
Farado ยท 117 points ยท Posted at 19:13:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I skip an aisle to avoid this with people I donโt know.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:20:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh, the anonymous shopping buddy. They're always annoying.
Hiimremus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:41:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda like it when that happens, especially if it's a guy similar to me and we buy some common stuff.
iEpidemics ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:17:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When people you don't know try to talk to you at the supermarket... I always check for my phone, keys, wallet afterwards as if they stole something from me. They do, my peace of mind. What compels strangers to interact with me? I just want to buy my shit and go... Soon I'll transition to ordering from Amazon and other online stores... They can't pester me then right? RIGHT?!?!
Bearfan001 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does make me nervous if it is a woman. I feel like she probably thinks I'm doing it on purpose.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:33:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just described my worst fear
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:21:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-gets out box full of venomous spiders- Guess again, idiot.
Janigiraffey ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:21:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I go running in my neighborhood, it involves going up and down a lot of little dead end streets. If two entities are doing this sort of thing at the same time, they will keep encountering each other. I always find this awkward, but only truely unpleasant when the other entity is a garbage truck.
Today the other entity was a male runner. So Iโm (female) going along doing my thing, and apparently he started worrying that I would think he was stalking me. So he tried to reassure me by yelling โI swear Iโm not following youโ as he came up behind me. I had a full-on startle reaction to being yelled at suddenly, so I yelped loudly before I saw it was just the male runner trying to not scare me. I told him I understood. It was awkward enough that Iโm pretty sure we are both hoping to never see each other again.
jcb088 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:34:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run..... run away from each other. That solves both of your problems.
Janigiraffey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:50:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The issue is that weโre taking these routes with dead ends that keep doubling back to just a few connecting roads. There was one awful morning when I encountered the same garbage truck at least 4 times. I kept thinking that my evasive maneuvers were working, but then the garbage truck would come barreling at me again.
The benefit to the dead end roads is that they donโt have much traffic so there isnโt much fear of getting squished by a car. Definitely worth the awkwardness.
jcb088 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I say up the awkwardness, run through peoples yards and whatnot. Variety is the spice of life!
Janigiraffey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:P The issue with that approach is the multitude of muddy ditches.
DekuNotNice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:44:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, its nice to know that some girls are aware that we donโt want to look like a stalker when we are behind you.
ecaracal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there's a level in hell that resembles this
Drarok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:56:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
endless screaming
Julian_rc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:06:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this lol it's so awkward
Captain_Gainzwhey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've solved this by being absolutely terrible at groceries.
jpallan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bonus points โ it's your ex and his new partner that you run into.
JackBurtonOnceSaid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just stop and stare at oatmeal for 30 minutes.
weedful_things ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking down each aisle one day while shopping at a grocery store. A young lady that I was very slightly acquainted with worked there. She was also going down the aisles doing whatever, but in the opposite direction. We would end up meeting in the middle of each aisle. The first time we said hi. The next time we just silently acknowledged eachother like you do in that situation. The third aisle we kind of ignored each other. An aisle or two later she looked at me and pointedly demanded "Are you following me?!" I skipped over the next aisle so we wouldn't meet again and it was the last time I shopped at that store for awhile.
TransmogriFi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have ended up trying new foods because of this. I stop and peruse a random section of shelves to give them enough time to get far ahead of me, but then I feel like I'll look stupid if I don't put something in my cart from the section I've been studying so intently.
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't hid in between isles like the Scooby Doo scene where everyone is running into different rooms chased by monsters because you've seen a friend/ coworker in the same store, you're not living right.
cantlearnham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/AISLBrQ-ODE
catls234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I change directions or skip aisles if that starts to happen.
atxav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done this - solved it by going to the far end in whichever direction I'm going and then going backward from there until I get where I was.
Tonnot98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just make an agreement to high-five whenever passing each other. That'll cover everything that could possibly need to be said.
avacatt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder how do non socially anxious people deal with this.
GreyJeanix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me with my boss once. It was the worst day of my life
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is awkward even if you don't know the person. It gets either funny or weird.
drivebyjustin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just say "haha...man...we've got to stop meeting like this!" Repeat as needed.
ilikeyoohoo ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 16:34:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really is. No matter how well you know the person, it's always terrible. I can run into my closest friend at the grocery store and leave the store thinking maybe we're not as good of friends as I thought.
I've learned to just keep my head down and not make eye contact with anyone while at the store.
Voredoms ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:15:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I have tons of friends where it wouldn't be awkward. Most people I know would be happy to see me and its not like you have to stay long. Just act like you have little time and say it was nice seeing them or something. Can't believe it would be awkward to see a close friend in public.
290077 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heck, I just wave and say hi without even stopping and we both go about our business. Validating other people's existence doesn't have to be inconvenient.
jamboreethecat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is really true, it's just inherent to the situation. It's like saying goodbye and walking in the same direction but exponentially worse every time you bump into them again.
dieterschaumer ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:59:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking of which, I ran into my former english teacher at a supermarket while I was back in my hometown the other day.
"How have things been?"
"Oh fine. I got throat cancer, but..."
"I'm so sorry to hear that! My mother got breast cancer."
"That's terrible. How is she doing now?"
"She died. It metastasized. Um. How's your throat?"
"It hurts to speak."
"I should go."
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D:
kingeryck ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 16:24:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate when people are like OOOMMGG HIIII HOW ARE YOU and make a damn scene in the middle of the store and stand there gabbing, blocking the aisle. Usually white women. They just get louder and louder and sqwuak like birds.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 17:32:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother and my mother-in-law ran into each other in the grocery store one day a few years ago. They got started chatting, and literally stood there in the aisle talking for well over an hour.
kingeryck ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 17:36:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother and mother in law just sent on vacation together. Really weird. They don't really have any other friends.
rdarby93 ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 17:52:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw I think that's nice!
Ann_Slanders ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 17:54:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least they get along!
Blockwork_Orange ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
they are united at the hatred of their child's spouses
DaBehr ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:23:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Your son is a dick"
"Yeah well your daughter is a bitch"
"Wanna go get fucked up on long island iced tea?"
"Sure"
ODI-ET-AMObipolarity ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 19:23:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey, my kid is fucking your kid, wanna go on vacation?"
nombiegirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:46:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: they eventually fall in love and get married resulting in your spouse becoming your stepsibling.
farmtownsuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:53:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has the potential to be better than Grace and Frankie.
Philias2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:29:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand what's weird about that.
kingeryck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:00:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, they're probably talking about us behind our backs
avanttard ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 16:36:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate it when people look down and check out what's in my basket. Like what I buy for groceries is my business
kingeryck ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:37:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well stop buying cucumbers and condoms at the same time.
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 17:34:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife & I were at Sam's Club years ago, back when we were first married. I looked into our cart and realized we had a large box of condoms and a gallon of olive oil. I told her we had to get some other stuff into the cart quickly, before someone decided that we were stocking up for an orgy.
ScaryCookieMonster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:08:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah man, that's when you delay putting anything else in the cart. Find yourself some freaky-ass new friends!
jcb088 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 20:41:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the reverse. Whenever I buy condoms I just give no fucks and whats better is, being a married man, i buy them economically. So i'll buy the like...... 36 pack of trojans because i'll go through em sooner or later. Its not that im bragging I just realize in those moments that I have nothing to hide. Thats just life.
farmtownsuit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:56:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had an old professor do that to me shortly after graduation, he was my advisor and chair of my academic department too so of course we're on a very casual basis by then. I had some frozen pizzas and maybe a few other things. Like a full year later I ran into him again at the same store and he looks at my cart/basket which this time does not have frozen pizza and says "Are you going to make it without your frozen pizza?" To which I respond "What is wrong with you that you remember what I bought a year ago?" He started to answer before conceding that he had no rational explanation for that.
avanttard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my. My hatred for him would have been deep in that moment.
farmtownsuit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:36:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, no. I thought it was hysterical. Like I said we were pretty close by then so him making an off hand comment about what's in my basket didn't seem so bad to me. The fact that a year later he remembered something from my basket was startling though considering I could never get him to remember while I was a student that I had a second major I needed to take classes for.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 18:40:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:47:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined him saying it kind of meekly. Personally I sometimes get so anxious it's hard to even form words. So yeah, your comment is actually a lot more rude than his.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:58:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My point is that you assume he's being rude when we're in a thread about awkwardness. I'm not assuming he's being meek either, but it's what popped into my head because that's something I'm familiar with. I just think you're coming down pretty hard and decisively on the guy, given the context.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 22:26:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
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[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:38:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, I never talk to people because of the chance that their parent just died. VERY risky
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:56:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
deadrosesandfire ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:34:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a supermarket and people that do this deserve to be shot after 90 seconds of standing there, immediately if they see/notice that they're in the way and don't move, dicks
Oliver_Kl0z0v ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strict, but fair
deadrosesandfire ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:34:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I figure after the first couple, word would spread and it would stop.
Midnight_arpeggio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:25:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hispanic/Latina women do it, too. I think it depends on where you are from, of course.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:35:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband and i were shopping and a husband/ wife kept running into another woman, and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they would burst into the most excited spanish i have ever heard. We got stuck behind them four aisles in a row, then again at the exit.
That guy looked at us with the saddest, most defeated expression i have ever seen.
My husband later said they were exactly what chickens cackling would sound like if chickens spoke spanish.
kingeryck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh goodness. Everyone in the store would be deaf.
Brice6911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what my dad does, but he's a black man
DaBehr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom is a southern white woman.
Can confirm.
hydrosalad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:44:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe some people are genuinely excited to see each other? Just a thought. Itโs like a cool little surprise to see someone out of context.. like when youโre watching an old movie and your new favorite actor had a small cameo in there
JustHereForTheSalmon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:24:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hey."
"Hey."
"I see you eat, too."
"Yup. Gotta eat to live."
"Yup, that's the truth."
"See you tomorrow."
Nylysius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I generally stop at the second "Hey." No matter who it is.
BreezyWrigley ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:13:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i like to go to the grocery store late at night when there's like nobody there. it's such a better shopping experience to be alone in the store.. just slowly wandering around while that typical grocery store music is playing and you can just leave your cart wherever the hell you want just awkwardly in the middle of walkways and shit while you peruse the wares because there's nobody around.
cayal3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially when those 2 people block the goddamn aisle for everyone else.
hyperjumpgrandmaster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:15:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โOh hey! Whatโre you doing here?โ
โ...Buying groceries...โ
โMe too! Weird, right?โ
โ...Not really...โ
โCool!โ
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:34:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey. What's goin' on /u/avanttard? I see you've picked up a mega pack of Magnums, 10 feet of rope, and some hot sauce. Crazy weekend plans, huh?
Erj2969 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Headphones and wave.
_Wilfred_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:26:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ran into my youth group leader from church in the store once while I was extremely stoned. He wanted to chat, and I told him I was in a hurry and scuttled off to get snacks.
Thereโs no way in hell he didnโt know.
Another time I cut him off in traffic and he mentioned it to me later. I told him it was my dad driving my car. Iโm going to hell fersher
AtTheRink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The worst. I ran into my best friends wife at the super market last week. It was the worst. Heโs going to be a groomsman in my wedding, but I tried to sneak by his wife so she didnโt see.
gigglefarting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm a pretty sociable person, and I donโt mind small talk a lot of the time, but youโre right. Supermarket small talk is the worst. I donโt know if itโs the setting, or the fact that we both just want to grab our things and leave yet feel compelled to talk, or if thereโs something in the air.
Once I ran into a very friendly old coworker and his wife when I was just going into the store to buy a candy bar to break a bill because I owed my friend some money, and I was subjected to having a 15+ minute conversation with him. My friend was waiting outside, and he got tired of waiting for me to buy a quick item that he walked back to my apartment. I think he was holding a pizza we just got, which is why he didnโt come in.
Zhuangzhuo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm awkward enough and have moved around enough in life, that I simply envy that people know each other and run into each other in a casual, infrequent manner.
NoApollonia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's the whole feeling like you should talk since you know the person, but also both of you wanting to just go on with your day all the while neither of you wanting to be the first person to walk away.
I can blank on faces sometimes with people I don't know well, so it's even weirder and more awkward to pretend you remember this person while they go on and on. Last time this happened, the lady turned out to the woman who usually serves us at a local ice cream parlor - I couldn't have picked her out of a line-up for my life.
journeymanSF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm terrible with these situations, but what I've learned to do is just get it out of the way, but don't linger. If I see someone I know (and don't want to actually talk to), I just pretend I'm in a hurry and move towards them even quicker. Then it's a quick "What up, so-and-so!" and I'm back to shopping. I don't even wait for a response. Eyes on the prize.
MRamo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a grocery store in a college town where I know a lot of people and I can't go a single day without some weird small talk exchange happening. It's terrible. Every interaction is somehow awkward.
EldeederSFW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's super easy for me to get out of. I turbo shop naturally. Before I'm in the door I'm visualizing my route to grab what I need and get the hell out. If I run into someone it already looks like I'm on a mission, so I don't even pause, I just say, "Great seein ya, as you can see, I'm in a hurry." Every time they just say "You too!" or something like that, and crisis avoided.
Of course, then I feel obligated to double time it afterwards, and at my already quick pace, that can make me look like a crazy person.
swifter_than_shadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't mind supermarket small talk :(
Tyler1986 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, just make it quick and concise. Ask how they are, stop shortly, then say nice to see them or we should make plans sometime or whatever you want, and then say well, gotta get back to the shopping, take it easy or have a good one. Boom, in and out in under 30 seconds and it was a pleasant conversation (as pleasant as small talk gets).
Vince__clortho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My new technique for when I see someone at the supermarket is to fast walk and offer a really surprised and affable sounding "Oh hey!". Sometimes I also do a finger gun. Or two. I hate myself.
qrseek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I could sit down, I would actually enjoy it I think.
samixon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats why I just say 'Hey, avanttard, what's up, man?' And keep walking.
Sometimes if I actually have a question, Ill say something like 'Hey, avanttard, Ive been meaning to ask you - what's your favorite color, bro?' And keep walking anyway because I know its blue since Im not an awkward piece if shit jerk that forgets his friend's favorite color...
SlyFluctoseSlornBurp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oh, hey!...So, you eat too, huh? Nice."
cryolems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why is this the case? Like any other time I run into someone I know itโs usually not weird but at the grocery store or at Walmart or something it always ends up being super awkward, no matter what kind of relationship you have with that person.
Dydegu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โWhatcha got there, Triscuits? Well, see ya later.โ
Double-Helix-Helena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've started with a passive 'hello!' And just keep walking. Don't stop for a second. Even if they are standing in front of your favorite cereal.
Silver_Yuki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is especially bad when it is a teacher-student scenario in a supermarket. Especially so when it is a young student.
It is like you burst their bubble and they suddenly realize that their teacher is human...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Wear headphones and listen to podcasts while you shop. Ignore everyone.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually like running into people in the supermarket!
It's the closest I get to having personal interactions :)
OneGoodRib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one time it happened to me, it was fine. "Oh hey, do you know when class is starting up again?" "Nope." "Okay, take care!"
Supermarket small talk when it's your mom and her friend and you're only 7 is horrible, though.
paigezero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Genuinely, last year I bumped into my actual best friends in the world as I was leaving the shop and they were on the way in. None of us were prepared for conversation at all so it went -
"Oh, hello, what're you up to?"
"Shopping."
"Yeah."
"Ok, see ya."
AliveByLovesGlory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom starts with a loud "HEY YOU!!" and then talks for two hours. No getting out of it.
Ohmigoshnids ยท 791 points ยท Posted at 16:23:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I normally pretend I don't see them even if it's the very obvious I'm-standing-right-beside-you-but-these-apples-are-suddenly-so-interesting scenario. Pretty awkward, but slightly less so
thenipooped ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:26:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone I work with knows I tend to space out fairly often. Itโs been a good excuse for avoiding people in public. Most of the time I genuinely donโt realize who it is before they come up to me.
sSommy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:28:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god I'm too shy to even do that, I feel forced to say hi and then it gets seriously *awkwardwhere I'm attempting small talk with them but have no idea how to respond to anything beyond a simple "Yeah!"
Edit: word missing
coscorrodrift ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:43:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh fuck me. I think I've done this in the bus. I was pretty fucking sure I knew the person who sit just beside me, like his head was 20cm away from mine, but I resisted looking left SO hard for like an hour. The thing is that I mentally blame myself but he had the exact same amount of fault for not saying hi smh
Kootsiak ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:05:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The trick is to never look anyone in the eye in public, so that you can never recognize anyone.
lincolnday ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:15:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had someone yelling my name and start trying to catch up to me in a mall I used to work in as I was leaving. I just picked up the pace, so did they, and yelled again, so I did again... I must have been almost jogging at this point, with my grocery bags visibly and noisily jostling around everywhere. They eventually gave up and turned around.
merkwerk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then they approach you anyway.
merkadoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do either that, or walk with a purpose like Iโm in kind of a hurry and just say โoh hey, whatโs up?โ and just keep walking.
chairitable ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
bums me out when people do that to me :( makes me feel like they actually secretly hate me and only act friendly otherwise.
PoopNow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did that to an exSO. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. I just can't decide between fruit loops with marshmallows or without? It's a difficult decision that required concentration so I'll just stand here pondering until you move on."
notmebutjim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"these apples are fucking amazing, oh hay its you!"
047032495 ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 18:03:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh thank God. I thought I was the only awkward fuck who avoids taking to people he likes because he's afraid he's going to bungle the exchange.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:21:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CupcakeCulprit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:32:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really sorry for your loss. Hope it will get easier soon.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:04:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My go to is
Ya gotta blind side em with weirdness.
-notJohnThough- ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:22:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch.. cringed at this one
Formaggio_svizzero ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:02:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Larry?
CupcakeCulprit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David?
Formaggio_svizzero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:42:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This makes me feel weird
kingeryck ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 16:21:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate stop-and-chats. Not a fan. I just say HEY and wave or nod and keep going.
lifewithoutyogurt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:23:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best one on here! How did it go the next time you saw her at work?
CupcakeCulprit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:37:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was rightfully hurt by my comment. I don't want to say our friendship never really fully recovered from it but it did change as a result. We're still in sporadic contact many years later across different countries so that is nice.
frolicking_elephants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you explain?
CupcakeCulprit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:52:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explain what? That my awkwardness excuses acting rude? No, I did tell her I'm weird like that but left it at that and apologised for hurting her feelings.
Lanoir97 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:25:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I freeze up when I see people outside of the normal circumstances I know them in. Spotting a coworker in the wild is always weird. Also for running into people I went to high school with that I didn't hang out with because I know them, we just aren't friends. It's normally not bad but one girl who I half ass kinda knew is now a teller at my bank and I try to avoid going to her line if I can avoid it.
-Matt-- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:29:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did everyone else in the isle within earshot cringe up into little balls and put paper shopping bags over their heads until you were gone?
CupcakeCulprit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:34:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me giggle like a school girl! Great visual of the other shoppers wearing paper bags over their heads. Sadly we were the only three people in the aisle.
Spik3w ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:27:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same happened to me and my physics teacher when I was younger. Worst thing is she called me out for it infront of the whole class like wtf
skdanielle16 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents went to the grocery store and saw another couple they dislike, so they turned around and left without buying anything. Yup. That's my mom and dad.
thecoolrobot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:38:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just playing it cool..
APianoBench ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to go to a supermarket across town from where I lived specifically because there was less of a chance that I would run into someone I knew.
fillydelphia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:42:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nooooooo!!! I'm embarrassed reading this
Pawprintjj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, in general, you dislike your colleagues?
CupcakeCulprit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:32:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back then generally speaking yes. I was working in a different company back then, in a highly male dominated environment where I constantly felt intimidated or belittled and it took me a very long time getting used to their style of communication.
But some individuals really grew on me and really am life long friends with.
Cornel-Westside ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:25:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the opposite. This one coworker tends to go to the same places for lunch if I go out to eat. So I'll be there picking up takeout, and he'll be at the same place, and he'll say hi. But apparently everytime I've just been so zoned out that I never hear or see him and it seems like I totally ignore him. In the office we laugh about it, but I'm worried he thinks I hate him.
MiscBrahBert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stop-and-chat? Curb reference?
CupcakeCulprit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:49:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty, preeeeetty much.
Wtkeith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I run into someone I know in the grocery store I'll say hi and chat for a sec, then to avoid future awkwardness I say something like "well I'll probably see you like five more times while I'm shopping but if not it was good to see you." then when I see them again I just say "see i told you so!"
BasketballHighlight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What happened after?
mango_marinara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I ran into my boyfriend (of 2 years) in the grocery store, we were both horribly awkward because we didn't notice each other until we were in line at separate registers. So we just awkwardly waved at each other and kept glancing at each other. I got checked out way before he did so I just waved good bye without really saying anything. We basically live together. And it was STILL awkward running into him at the store, but we have no problem going to the store together.
Storytellerjack ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:53:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last sentence feels like a horror movie. Her head turned around like the exorcist. "I CAN SEE YOUU!!"
beaker90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a very small, private high school in one of the largest cities in the US. I now live 50 miles south of that school in a little town of about 6k people. A girl from the grade below me also lives in this little town and we see each other occasionally at the grocery store and other small town events. We have an unspoken agreement that we don't even acknowledge each other out in public. I know we both agree with it because we were doing separate alumni events at the school and she mentioned to the coordinator that we see each other around town!
LVAjoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One thing I've done is to do usual small talk and at the sight of the first lull in conversation I will say "well ran out of small talk I'll see you later"
Make sure to enunciate that though cause repeating it makes it real awkward
aerodynamicvomit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I alert my SO that I'm on active avoidance protocol and disappear like Homer into the bush.
FeatheredSun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap. That's so cringey.
tattooedjenny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work in a coffee shop in the downtown of our area, and wound up knowing EVERYONE. A decade later, I still run into the most random people-customers, former co-workers, relatives of former co-workers, etc. Some of them I'm happy to see, some of them... Not as much.
ThriftAllDay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"She's right behind me, isn't she?
No, I'm right in front of you."
MeatMeintheMeatus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FATALITY
ForcrimeinItaly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was an executive at the company I worked for who wouldn't talk to ANYONE if he ran into them in public. At best you would get a very brief glance and nod. I loved that so much. I don't have to feel weird about talking to someone I don't really know.
The_LionTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โHe wanted a stop and chat with me, and I don't know him well enough for a stop and chat!"
gamestrickster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was she offended
CupcakeCulprit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah she was hurt by it.
gamestrickster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:08 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you fix it?
jordanleveledup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When this happens to me I don't slow AT ALL say hi, smile real big, and say how are you AS im passing them. Dont give them the opportunity to make it akward. Just agressively walk past and save us both. I may come across as a jerk but Im the jerk we both need in that situation. I am Rick Grimes.
BunnyBunny13 ยท 2764 points ยท Posted at 19:26:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered takeout from a burger place that sits literally right next to...another burger place. When I went to pick it up, I went to the wrong one. The cashier was like "you probably ordered from next door..." and I was all "Uh, no, my roommate (I didn't have a roommate) told me she called in the order...she must not have, I'll be back..." then I left, GOT IN MY CAR, drove around the block, parked on the other side street where I wouldn't have to walk by the wrong place and picked up my order.
xoxo4794 ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 04:15:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This Chinese place near my house has another location a few towns over. I called to order for pickup, and they asked me if I was sure I had the right number and location (without saying which one they were) and I was like 92% sure I was right, so I said yes. Ended up going to the location near my house to pick up my food, and they didn't have any record of my call. They were nice and made me a new order, but the other location started calling me and instead of owning that I had messed up, I blocked their number. I'm still embarrassed about it.
zjb55446 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine this going down as the correct place calling you repeatedly as you get your food, and you panicking and blocking the number so the other restaurant doesn't know. Great scene in my head.
BunnyBunny13 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:02:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, similarly, one time my husband was out of town and I ordered a shit ton of Chinese food delivery just for me...I ended up falling asleep on the couch before they delivered it and woke up to many missed calls and angry voicemails from the restaurant and driver. I had to convince my husband not to order from them for a LONG while because I was convinced we were on some delivery blacklist!
HandleWithCarrots ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:42:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like what a 12-year-old's idea of what getting up to mischief while your spouse is out of town consists of.
BunnyBunny13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:03:41 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure does, but I was...32?
hollowmoon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:19:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this while on vacation in NYC. My sister REALLY wanted Olive Garden so we called in an order, asked the restaurant if they were at xxx address which was in walking distance, they assured us that Yes, they were. Her boyfriend and I walk over to pick up the order. We were in Times Square and it was Friday night so when we get there it is PACKED. We inform the front we're there to pick up food, they say it's not ready yet, so we shuffle to the side to wait. We then proceed to awkwardly shift around the lobby for over an hour and a half while we wait because neither of us is the confrontational type. Someone finally informs us they don't have that order, but they will make it for us. It dawns on me that maybe our food is somewhere else, but I don't want to admit it so I just go along with their suggestion that the order was lost. We grab the food and head back to the hotel, and the other location starts blowing up my phone wanting to know where we were. I was already exhausted and annoyed and on the verge of a panic attack (crowds, over-exhausted from traveling all day) so I just blocked the number.
suchbsman ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 23:57:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like this could be a Seinfeld plot
DianiTheOtter ยท 296 points ยท Posted at 23:12:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta be honest. If I was that employee and I had a free moment, I would of stood out front and frantically wave at you when I saw you
[deleted] ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 05:43:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would have.
ThePosterWeDeserve ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:40:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 07:56:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
shfiven ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 00:42:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like something I would do except I would literally never go back to that place again after.
Inveera ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:34:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, so you're telling me that the cashier would have understood the situation, yet you chose to make it more complicated? God damn, that's some social anxiety.
BunnyBunny13 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:58:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. Mid-20's me was chock full of social anxiety before I even knew what it was. Self-deprecating now-me would have been/would be like "Oops, yep, I'm a dumbass. Thanks!"
Ms300 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:16:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this happened to me, I'd probably place an extra order with the cashier that pointed out my mistake but still go and pick up my original order next door too
mikeabyrd91 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:33:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was supposed to meet a couple friends of mine at Olive Garden for lunch once. I got there first and went inside to get a table and recognized the hostess from high school. It was at this point I realized she works at Chili's which sits directly next to OG. Since we actually knew each other, I avoided that Chili's for 3 years until I heard she no longer worked there.
RudeCats ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:25:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha this reminds me of a time I got really high and went into this restaurant to get a sandwich, but I really walked into the restaurant next to it. I was thinking "huh they remodeled in here, menu is different too... huh it's all just pizza..." before I realized but I was too embarrassed to walk out so I just got a pizza
sempiternal_cow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:48:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a person who works at an Asian restaurant which is right next door to another Asian restaurant, this happens a lot. We donโt care :) although I once told a woman we didnโt have her order, she must have the wrong restaurant. She lost her shit at me and acted like I called her an idiot.
YoucancallmeVincent ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:50:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same. Except i mixed "Pizza Pizza" and "Double Pizza" which in my tired mind were the same. Literally 1 corne block appart.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this just recently. I called in a dinner order at Cracker Barrel. When I went to pick it up I was told no one by my name had called in a take-out order. The cashier asked me which restaurant I called and I insisted I called that one but I was wrong. I laughed about it but the cashier wasn't laughing. She felt the need to call the place that I had actually called and cancelled my order. I didn't ask her to.
maracusdesu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:55:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cringed.
SheiraTiireine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:09 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you were already there, could have just ordered. Cashier 100% saw through your charade.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's just what my teenage daughter would have done...that teenage awkwardness...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That seems like the most logical thing to do, really.
Donna_Freaking_Noble ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 02:54:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like how this solution involved going back home, calling in the order, and then coming back again to get it.
sestrabrother ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:59:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Restaurant: You don't have to leave and call, you can order it right here!
Them: Right, well, give me a minute. I'll be right back, just left my phone in my car!
dvvader ยท 1042 points ยท Posted at 22:45:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will get buried, but it's hilarious (in hindsight) so I'll share anyway. My wife and I had recently moved into a nice new neighborhood and enjoyed taking our dog for walks around it to check out the other houses and meet people. One evening, we were walking through a part of the neighborhood that we hadn't before when my dog decides to stop and take care of business right in the middle of the sidewalk at the end of the driveway. Nice... And wouldn't you know it, we forgot our doggie bags at home. Fucking great... My wife and I spent a few seconds contemplating the next steps and then it happened... I looked up and there were two guys standing in the driveway staring at us. Eye contact was made, no words were spoken, but the message they were sending was clearly received... "What are you gonna do about that shit in my driveway?!" A normal person would have apologized, explained the situation, and maybe asked for an assist. But I'm not normal... In a moment of panic, I bent over and scooped the shit up in my hands and started walking away. My wife followed suit, completely dumbfounded and trying to prevent herself from bursting into laughter. The two guys in the driveway looked at me like I was utterly insane. I carried the shit in my bare hands all the way down the street and around the corner until I was out of their sight in complete silence, reflecting on what I had just done. Unfortunately, in that time, the shit melted in my hot, sweaty hands like chocolate. I threw what was left into some bushes and wiped my hands off in the grass. My wife lost it, laughed her ass off, and ridiculed me the rest of the way home. Words can barely describe the shame I felt in that moment lol. Needless to say, we didn't walk that way again for a long time and have not forgotten our doggie bags since...
IndigoBlu70116 ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 22:47:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sir, are my new hero of awkward.
dvvader ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:42:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm honored
whatupmyknitta ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:10:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm literally in tears, trying not to laugh too loud so that I don't wake up the children that I nanny.
Ctrl_Alt_Horse ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:57:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, this whole thread is killing it. Funny as hell, man.
zangor ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 12:49:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, the 'doing awkward stuff around peoples houses' feeling is the worst. Or near their cars - near cars with people in them is worse, especially in a dark basement parking lot.
Fadra93 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:13:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.
Pjabs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:52:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was absolutely amazing, I loved every part of your story!
PmMeYourCulo ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:41:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaand... we have a winner.
insane_blind_tart ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:34:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it was a good way to make friends??
GetLostYouPsycho ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:39:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. OP should've offered them a nice firm handshake by way of introduction!
Rikolas ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:26:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. You are a savage.
drivebyjustin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:06:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, dude, I'm at work. Holy crap. Breath, drivebyjustin.
Your dog must have thought, at that moment, that he was god.
raybaroune ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:51:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd given some reddit gold to you.. thats one of my favorties here..
absolutely great!
shadowfires21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:05:31 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started snorting and wheeze-laughing halfway through because I knew what you were going to do. It got better as I read on.
Plzdntbetaken ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:56:31 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh man, i laughed so hard i just woke my dog, who was sleeping at the end of my bed, up and she was just staring at me in a concerned/intrigued sort of way.
Then finically accepted i was a weirdo who was laughing to herself and laid her head back down with a sigh and sleepy eyes.
TangyBrownCiderTown ยท 2505 points ยท Posted at 16:24:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I see some people in the distance that I think are people I've lost contact with from high school or whatever, I'll cross the street and go around another block or just cross and wait for them to pass to avoid them. It's not that they're bad people in the slightest... I'm just awkward as shit.
empress_p ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:04:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this to avoid the "so what are you doing with your life" questions.
fingerandtoe ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:17:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you doing with your life that makes you want to avoid that question?
Cunt_Bag ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:35:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing, which is the problem.
[deleted] ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 16:33:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're fortunate. I would avoid them because in my case, they were mostly bad people. Maybe you should talk to them sometime. Keep it light.
badashly ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:23:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My problem is I can't remember anyone's name after I had a seizure, so it's super embarrassing when I have to reintroduce myself...last week some kid in the grocery store that was working the till said "hey ashly!" as I checked out...he had a name tag that said Josh, but he looked like a 17 yr old kid - I'm 31- and I couldn't tell you where he knows me from if my fucking life depended on it. Had to admit to an extended family member yesterday (that I hadn't seen in almost 20 yrs) that I was sorry but didn't remember her at all. Super embarrassing not remember anyones names, dates, events....BUT, every time I watch a Rick and Morty episode, it's like watching it for the first time ๐
ferrettt55 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:04:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I try to do this, but I'm really bad with faces and my vision isn't great. So by the time I realize that I know them and want to avoid them, they've seen me and it's too late.
broham89 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL MOTHER FUCKER!! I thought I was the only one who did this :)
Rb1138 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:37:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's an awkward thing. I was walking with a friend one night, saw some people that looked really familiar, turns out our 10 year high school reunion was happening next to the bar we were on our way to. I had tons of friends in school, went to parties, just decided that I didn't want to have the same conversation thirty times. Took the long way around the block, had more fun at the bar.
Spiekie ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:50:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recently met an old friend I knew from kindergarten (we were like best friends until 4th grade, then lost contact), and it was just so weird, i wasn't even sure if it was him, and we both kinda just said "hi" and moved on lmao
Cameronam ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:45:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldnโt blame your awkwardness, I do this too
For some reason itโs weird to me and I canโt explain why; itโs like theyโre double strangers since you used to know them, forgot about them, and then remember them again without actually speaking
JenniferMcKay ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran and hid in another aisle while grocery shopping with my mom once because I thought I saw an ex. Wasn't him. Ex is in the Army and does not now, nor as he ever lived in my hometown.
Lrack9927 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:44:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing an ex in public is like my worst nightmare. I'm pretty sure I saw mine in a grocery store too the other day. But I wasn't wearing my glasses, so I couldn't be sure. Spent the rest of the outing going down the aisles trying to find my current boyfriend while not looking anyone in the face to avoid potentially making eye contact with my maybe-ex. Finally made it out the store but was in a well concealed panic the entire time.
AgoraiosBum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:34:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ned? Ned Ryerson?
sonrad10 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:55:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what I do. I'm still in high school, but I'm still too awkward to talk to people from school outside of school.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this at/around work--with people I spoke to five minutes ago.
boatsyourfloat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:02:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pull out my phone and keep looking at it until I'm past the person hoping they either don't recognize me or assume I'm busy or distracted and leave me alone.
C0wabungaaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've moved 150 km away to a different country and I'm not above admitting that that meaning I avoid this entirely is so freakin' sweet.
I_never_comment_now ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel a great sense of relief reading this, it's nice to know I'm not the only person who does this
btveron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:10:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too because I don't care for small talk and don't give a shit about what they've been doing since high school.
FifthDragon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:20:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the exact opposite, sometimes I'll say things like "Hi friend!" To completely random strangers...
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:08:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An old school group found me on social media and added me.
I changed phone numbers.
#deadinside
DSV686 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the same thing. And I live a 15 hour drive from where I went to school
ProjectShadow316 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I see someone I know and it's been a few years, I just ignore them.
They may not be bad people...I just dislike them for no real reason. And yes, I'm fun at parties.
4Eights ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I avoid people like that too or I just continue past and don't acknowledge that they know me or I know them. I'm not a very likeable person and I was even worse when I was younger. I don't want to engage someone who definitely doesn't like me for one reason or another. Why force them into some awkward conversation where they're going to ask things about me that they don't care about or want to know at all.
It's just easier to skip that all together and keep walking. It's even easier if I have my headphones with me. I usually just keep them in while I'm at work or at the store so people just assume I'm listening to music even though I'm not.
ireter294 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just reminded me that I'm pretty sure a kid at my college was one of my friends back in middle school that I lost contact with and I haven't talked to him.
Thompy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same except I'm not awkward, I just can't be fucked to have a pretend conversation of catch-up about people I don't care about.
Matt2486 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of do this. At the gym, grocery store, wherever. It's not that i'm feeling awkward, even though i kind of am. It's truly because i'm always feeling too lazy to do small talk. If i really want to talk to someone it's a breeze. If it's just an everyday oh hey, i'll just avoid them altogether. And if it's the gym i've gotten to the point where when i walk by them i'll have my headphones in and just fist bump them and wink or nod. Fuck it.
Celesticalking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not talk to them? I mean I'm awkward too allot and personally I really wish I can see some of my highschool friends again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too , me too .
jellogoodbye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't terrible. I worked retail in my hometown while attending university. One girl I knew from a few HS classes and several mutual friends stood directly behind her mother once she realized I was their cashier to avoid talking to me.
We were adults. I was wearing a nametag. It was a bra purchase, but that's my job and I obviously wear them too. Literally no reason to hide.
shitposting1667 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I do this to, just not with old acquaintances..... with anybody I know. It's to awkward to risk them seeing me if we're walking in the same direction.
paigezero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that with a old manager, I spotted him walking towards me from a good 300 meters away, hoped he hadn't noticed me so crossed to avoid walking past, he had noticed so crossed too just to walk past and say hi. :s
ledaclone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. Walked into the store the other day and spotted an old friend from high school. Instantly turned down an aisle then back up the next and out the door trying to pretend they just didnโt have what I was looking for.
Darthok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretend I don't know them unless they say something to me first. I won't go out of my way to avoid them though.
42boiledcabbages ยท 829 points ยท Posted at 18:09:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a dinner party where I knew nobody and took seconds because I finished eating first and didn't know where to leave the plate.
rebelrob73 ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 23:08:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My strategy is to eat as slow as possible and then when one person finishes I go at it
[deleted] ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 19:14:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that too, but it usually turns into taking 4ths and 5ths because everyone else takes so long
BestFriendHasLeprosy ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:15:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just throw the entire plate in the trash.
iEpidemics ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:11:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm too self-conscious for that, I'm always the last to finish in social eating. But first to finish alone... Err wait, I mean I turn into Smeagle and food is "My Precious" or rather I turn into Precious and eat away my emotions. I'll take a baby fawn hostage in a full nelson before someone gets me to eat seconds publicly.
Wakkajabba ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:27:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just... Wait until everyone is done and gathers up the plates.
quixoticsnake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:55:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time actually
AmNotSatan ยท 220 points ยท Posted at 19:31:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might get buried, but when I was 13 I went to spend a week at my Grandmother's house out in the sticks.
She casually mentioned that her plumbing wasn't working well, so to not flush toilet paper. Somehow that meant to me that I couldn't poop in her house.
I ended up staying for 9 days, and on the way back my mom stopped at a gas station and I told her I needed to go to the bathroom, at which point I unleashed the 9 day kraken that had been gestating inside of me.
I was locked in that public toilet pooping for over an hour while my family sat outside in the car wondering what the hell had happened to me.
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:24:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9 days!? Is that even healthy?
AmNotSatan ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 07:36:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but I lived to tell the tale.
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:24:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9 days!? Is that even healthy?
AmNotSatan ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 07:36:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really didn't die from it.
suicidedaydream ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:01:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs good you didnโt and lived to tell the tale
AmNotSatan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:51:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You and me both, buddy.
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:24:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9 days!? Is that even healthy?
AmNotSatan ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 07:36:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but I survived.
shadowfires21 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 10:15:01 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that you replied to all three is hilarious
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:47:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you replying to the same guy three times lol
AmNotSatan ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 11:47:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was pooping and didn't have anything better to do.
damnedflamingo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:44:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
for how long?
AmNotSatan ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:07:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't an hour, and I didn't die that time, either.
suicidedaydream ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:01:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some say he even lived to tell the tale
nabines ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 14:38:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9 days!? Is that even healthy?
AmNotSatan ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:06:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, it is not, but you can survive it.
SageistSage ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:43:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatโd they say when you returned
AmNotSatan ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 07:35:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They wanted to know what happened, I told them, and they spent the next hour of the ride home making fun of me for not pooping for 9 days and taking so long.
SageistSage ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:32:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rip
AmNotSatan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:50:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. I hope this isn't the story they tell at my funeral.
SageistSage ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:59:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At your funeral, your Mum comes to speak up.
โI loved Jason, but I mostly remember him for that one time he went to his Grandmaโs House and hadnโt shat for 9 days straight. On the way home we stopped at a gas station while he let loose thunder and lightning for an hour.
AmNotSatan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:27:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fm(death)
[deleted] ยท 13573 points ยท Posted at 16:13:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In French class in highschool everyone was talking over the teacher and she just couldn't get control over the classroom and she was getting increasingly frustrated and so was I. Just a whole room full of swirling talk and stuff. I wanted to tell everyone to quiet down but for some reason it got fucked up inside my brain and I barked like a dog.
Or, sort of like a dog? Just a deep guttural noise. Everyone stared at me. The teacher asked if I was okay. I was so embarrassed. Bonus points: I did this on two occasions. I don't know what's wrong with me.
EDIT: Paul is Paul Hollywood, his gaze haunts me from far away whenever I'm baking at home, since people keep mentioning it
bazoid ยท 4284 points ยท Posted at 17:49:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dear. This reminds me of an incident when I was about 8. My brother and I used to play all kinds of stupid pretend games, and at the time, we had this game where I would pretend to be a puppy. I got home from school one day and heard my brother talking to someone in his room. I thought I recognized the other person's voice as our babysitter, who was also in on the games. So I bounded into his room on all fours, barking and panting...only to see that he was actually talking to one of his friends, a boy I'd never met before. (At that age, girl's and boy's voices sounded pretty similar.)
My brother and his friend just stared at me for a moment. Then my brother said, "Yup...that's my sister." I backed out of the room and went to hide somewhere in embarrassment.
Oliver_Kl0z0v ยท 1676 points ยท Posted at 18:22:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This hurt to read
[deleted] ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 21:16:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was ruff.
TheWolfBuddy ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 21:51:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck off that was worse
[deleted] ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 21:53:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woof, tough thread.
TheWolfBuddy ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 22:02:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit
1RedReddit ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:57:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant username.
EldeederSFW ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:12:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently you have a pretty high standard for 8 year olds.
KennyFulgencio ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:05:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck, I missed that part, I thought she was in her teens
MySkinIsFallingOff ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:56:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should get your eyes checked. Maybe you need glasses?
KennyFulgencio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:05:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this whole comment section is making me sick to my stomach :/
Harrythehobbit ยท 489 points ยท Posted at 18:22:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's one way to introduce yourself.
TheyAreSoAwful ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 21:29:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a guy who was in a community theater production of the Pirates of Penzance. Going out to dinner in a fancy restaurant, he spots a guy at another table who he thinks is one of his fellow cast members. So he swaggers up to the guy from behind, puts his arm around the guy's shoulder and shouts, "Ahoy, Matey! Aargh!" The shocked man and his entire table of table friends looked at him all shocked and scared and that's when he realizes it's not the guy.
kaenneth ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:25:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet it wasn't even September 19th.
Hawkings_WheelChair ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:26:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel it's not as bad since you were only kids. Still the funniest story I read in here
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:16:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Hawkings_WheelChair ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:12:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.... damn it.
LawnyJ ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 20:27:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have a friend whose sister would hiss at me like a cat when I got near her
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:27:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what the fuck lmao
Bluechis ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:04:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister and I have done that since we were teens (we are adults), and my six year old niece picked up on it. It's awesome. Best part is my niece's mom is our other sister, who has always thought we were nut jobs for hissing.
ApolloSt ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 21:41:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to imagine you just whined and walked away to hide while on all fours.
bazoid ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:53:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tail tucked between my legs.
quagsnavely ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:05:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please, dear god, tell me you backed out on all fours as well. And perhaps threw in an embarrassed wimper to really set it off.
Skah_Waya ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:35:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a little sister that would do that (be a puppy). While itโs awkward at the wrong time, itโs till a fond memory that I have :) I love my baby sis!
MarleyL4 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:18:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:27:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:10:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:49:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read this before
bazoid ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 19:31:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha...I do think I posted it to Reddit before, a while back.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:16:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bazoid ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:57:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. He did get married recently though, to his high school sweetheart! They're adorable!
BeautifulRock ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:22:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm loving this story. I can't stop laughing at the imagine if you crawling into the room like that.
TheHateCamel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:49:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should have just stayed in character, to be honest. Don't let them assume your species
Ladsworld- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:58:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/furry_irl
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:35:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have an awkward hug of solidarity, fellow awkward human.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:14:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats actually hilarious, do they remember that? I think that's kinda common though, I did that.. I'm pretty sure I was younger than 8 tho
bazoid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:20:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if they remember - I never had the guts to ask. Also now that I'm thinking about it, I was probably even older than 8, because my brother couldn't have met this particular friend until he was at least 12 and he's only two years older than me...shit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its ok I lied, I was definitely older than 8 too
Swegh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:54:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining you backing out still on all fours
Krono5_8666V8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, I just got the sympathetic-anxiety-sweats.
HeartOChaos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:05:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I could, I would gild you
lil_cum_dumpling ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:12:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that was the moment your brother's friend realized he was into pet play.
Kootsiak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I felt so much embarrassment for you, but also can't stop laughing from the mental image of that scene. I wish you nothing but the best in all future endeavours.
eruner11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:41:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear I've read this before
bazoid ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:49:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure I posted it to a different askreddit thread a while back!
ProxyReBorn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:51:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me you also backed out on all fours.
DeemDNB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:10:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me you backed out still on all fours.
Quackenstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so sorry but that's spectacular!
The only way it could be better is if you ended with, "That friend and I have been married for 15 wonderful years."
SuperciliousSnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god THIS is the worst story in the thread.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol
Elhaym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister pretended to be a dog for like a whole year. She even licked a few of my friends. So, it could have been worse.
lolliedarko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
okay but did you stand up or did you back away still on all fours
vfheidee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never actually laughed so hard at anything I've ever read on here, wow
flashLotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve read this before. Nice try tho.
bazoid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, it was my post :)
roaf66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't the babysitter have a different voice than your brother? They probably aren't the same age
bazoid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mistook the friend for my babysitter. 12-year-old boy sounds not so different from 18-year-old girl sometimes. Also, they had the door closed or mostly closed so the sound was pretty muffled.
roaf66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool cool
taekwondogirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am holding in laughter to not wake my fiance up, and it sounds like air squealing out of a balloon very slowly.
chipstastegood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's hilarious. especially your brother's deadpan reaction
violettheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You shouldn't feel too bad. I work with kids ranging from 4 to 12 and you'd be shocked at how many kids just randomly break out into animal character. Last week we had a boy pretend to be a gorilla for a few days, complete with the snarling and chest beating. He managed to organize a game of "gorillas vs poachers" though, which was kinda cool until it got violent.
pickstar97a ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is your older brothers name Tyler?
Heysuckmybatarang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man. My parents had these friends and their kids were around my age. One younger and one older. The older girl was always really nice to me and would offer to take me out wherever she went. I was young, like 7 maybe. And she had to be closer to 14. So I was always excited to hangout with her. One day we were walking around her neighborhood and from the distance she sees a girl from her school and tells me how she doesn't like her. My only response was, "oh I'm sorry. Want me to bark at her?" Like.. what. Who says that. She replied with an awkward "no" and never really took me anywhere with her after that.
BullshitSloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did you back out of the room on all fours..?
Hawkings_WheelChair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel it's not as bad since you were only kids. Still the funniest story I read in here
sirius_gray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had such extreme social anxiety as a child that the only way I'd interact with a stranger was to pretend to be a dog or cat in their presence. Never broke character, ugh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny. Me and my siblings used to pretend we were animals too. Horses I think.
lilpenguin1028 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will you marry me? Cuz that is hilarious and I would like to know more.
mEYEndfulTrading ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:47:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao
SkitTrick ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I replied to the wrong comment
DeepRoot ยท 2066 points ยท Posted at 16:18:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It's not stupid if it works."
[deleted] ยท 1395 points ยท Posted at 16:18:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I... I don't know, in this case
FabulousLlama ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:42:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please post this noise and edit it into your post
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?
Quackenstein ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:47:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What can they say? It's their fetish. At least they said "please".
LibrarianLibertarian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:11:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it paul? Was paul haunting you again? Are you the ghost of Jesus?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:26:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, Paul is Paul Hollywood, whose gaze haunts me from afar whenever I bake
DeepRoot ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:17:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It worked b/c if they were staring, then they weren't talking... lol!
Nomulite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:02:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well it worked, but it had side effects that other methods wouldn't have had, so.
Mejari ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
grrrrrr
CallidusTaco ยท 218 points ยท Posted at 17:30:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I feel like if the goal is to get a room quiet then a commanding, out of nowhere bark that gets everyone's attention is working better than any words would.
-1plus1plus2plus1- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:23:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok but what if the bark didn't work and people just continued on like nothing happened? I think that might trigger my anxiety more actually. Oh God I just barked! Oh God no one stopped! Now I'm the weirdo who barked and they're all talking about it!
frolicking_elephants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:34:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like Hillary Clinton
Z4KJ0N3S ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:55:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, it's still really stupid, it just happened to work.
Asherahs_Daughter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:31:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a teacher, and I intentionally stand in the spot where the mic gets horrifying feedback squeals when my class won't quiet down. Pure evil, but damn does it work
Zuazzer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:44:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If more people had that mindset I probably wouldn't be considered so weird...
zombieregime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:14:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If its stupid and it works, its still stupid but at least it works.
Lola_got_a_Lazerface ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:09:14 on October 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
have you considered having original thoughts
DeepRoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:54 on October 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"There aren't anymore original thoughts." - Hollywood, CA
Ann_Slanders ยท 544 points ยท Posted at 17:53:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am cracking up here trying to imagine what kind of sound it was. Holy shit that's hilarious.
SailedBasilisk ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:30:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine it a bit like this.
pokexchespin ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:31:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know you mean the bark but a part of me imagines OP just rapping the entire song in the middle of an out of control French class and itโs amazing
NO_TOUCHING__lol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DMX comes to mind
djxyz0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably like a human dog
HonorUndRespect ยท 451 points ยท Posted at 17:42:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's ruff, bro.
SortedN2Slytherin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:14:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give her time, she'll heal.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:32:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i think that is paw on your part I personally thought it was an interesting tail to be honest.
TheBrownFlavor ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 20:13:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.. lol
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 20:24:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look, I said I don't know what's wrong with me
SpartanMartian ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:47:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god this is barely related but I rmbr in high school spanish class everyone was talking, the teacher was walking through rows and collecting homework. It was pretty loud but she wasn't trying to get everyone to calm down or anything. I figured I could fart and get away with it (I had been holding in this bad boy for 30 minutes). So I lean forward, try to let it slowly leak out, but the pressure was too much. A fucking trumpet blast. Cue the silence and stares, and everybody is looking at me. I pretend like I have no idea what is going on for one second, and when I turn around my teacher is also staring at me with everyone else, except her jaw is literally dropped as far as it can go. I say "OH I didn't fart, that was just my foot kicking the leg of the desk!"
So I proceed to kick the leg of the desk, AND THE DESK HAS MY FUCKING BACK. It made a similar noise and I have never had somebody look out for me like that so shoutout high school desk, you were a day 1 bro!!!
P.S. love this thread
FriedMudd ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 16:29:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had the same experience in my high school French class, the teacher cried often and only lasted one year.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:34:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same experience in my French class. The teacher lasted one year. Where did you go to school? Uh... Ou es tu allez l'ecole? God, I'm sorry, French teacher.
TristanTheViking ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:06:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where are you Go! the school?
Stockilleur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Une รฉcole avec des รฉlรจves trรจs sympathiques apparement.
FriedMudd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:40:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Small town in Michigan, also I unfortunately remember almost no French from it. I remember un feuille de papier cause it sounds a lot cooler than a piece of paper :)
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:47:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, not bad. Canada for me. I didn't remember feuille at all. I got 85% on my final oral exam with zero studying, but I remember only about 25 words.
FriedMudd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:52:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well hello neighbor! I love your country, I go to Toronto every chance I can, Windsor is more often though since it's only an hour and a half away. Where aboots in Canada are you from? :P
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in Toronto for 13 years, now in the States. Windsor is probably a safer bet, as I hear from reliable sources that Toronto isn't what it used to be. Michigan's always fun, though. I even like Detroit, lol.
caulfieldrunner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't be my small town in Michigan. They only teach Spanish around here, which is fucking stupid because we're like 200 miles from Canada.
FriedMudd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:03:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was upset that my school didn't offer Spanish cause it seemed like it would be more useful. Fast forward 6 years, working in kitchens the whole time, I know vastly more Spanish now than french.
FriedMudd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But out of curiosity what small town in MI you from? I'm from Byron it's about 25 miles or so SW of Flint
caulfieldrunner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlevoix. About an hour north of Traverse.
11LbsofTacoBell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LFHS?
MerelyFluidPrejudice ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:30:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you should have stopped barking at her
Andromedium ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this a thing? I remember both my spanish teacher and the substitute crying at different points in highschool
ForgetfulDoryFish ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:44:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paul haunts me too. This week I made a loaf of lemon bread and when I pulled it out of the oven and saw that the top had split I was just like "Paul and Mary would be disappointed."
gingerjewess ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:47:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mel and Sue don't care, they want to know where the booze is.
jaybuck34 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:01:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This shit worked for my basketball team one time, 3 seconds on the clock and my coach had seen this play from another team. In bound the ball under our basketball, kid on the farther side from the ball gets on all 4's and starts barking like a dog, other team obviously distracted and we get the ball in bounds with basically an uncontested layup for the game winner.
dieterschaumer ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:03:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh I do this as an adult. Not literally bark like a dog, but when people are just going "rabble rabble rabble" I make a sound roughly transcribed as raragagagagara and point to indicate who should speak first. After they are done, I look at who should speak next in reply.
It is blunt but surprisingly effective at restarting things to a more productive level.
I work in a clinic.
farmtownsuit ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:39:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar situation happened to me in HS except instead of me losing my shit it was the Spanish teacher. I think she was a second year teacher at the time. Completely broke down into tears and left the classroom. I think someone from the office came in a few minutes later and just kinda hung out until the teacher came back.
I sort of felt bad for her, but it wasn't like the class was any more out of control than normal for high school, this person just wasn't cut out for it. I saw that she's doing photography now and I'm happy that she got out of teaching for both hers and her potential students' sake.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:44:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This teacher I was talking about had a number of situations like this happen. One time she was showing some lovely vacation photos and this troublemaker in our class said "nice double chin" and she left the room to the bathroom to cry for like 20 minutes of class it was a whole thing.
farmtownsuit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:32:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus. Fuck that kid, but also that's another teacher who really should be doing something else. That kid was an asshole and should be punished, but you can't have teachers leaving the room to cry on a regular basis.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:42:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, this chick also got suspended for slapping a (different) teacher or something like that so I'm inclined to say no teacher was prepared to deal with her
spectre73 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:53:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
8th grade science class. I had an annoying tickle in my throat. I tried clearing my throat, didn't work. I finally made a cross between a long wheeze and a throaty cough. I got the same reaction as you.
PM_ME_OR_PM_ME ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:45:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What reminds me of a time in fourth grade when, for some reason, "jinxing" people was popular, as in calling out "jinx" when two people said the same thing at the same time.
I remember our class was in a long row of desks with the teacher sitting at the head and I was I think a seat or two away from her. She went to all ask a student a question when they both went "what..."
"JINX!"
I screamed. Everyone just freaking stared at me for like ten seconds. Then the teacher scolded me for yelling. I was so embarrassed.
D4ri4n117 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:22:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school I would poke my head in random classrooms and meow. I always got a meow back.
emaciated_pecan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:35:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never underestimate the effectiveness of the Rick Ross grunt
trondonopoles ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:16:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like a r/4chan greentext
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 22:23:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
>be me
>french class won't shut up
>gotta tell 'em to respect le professeur
>open my mouth to say so
>all that comes out is barking
>everyone stares
>teach asks if i'm bien
>je ne pas bien
>soudainement, le spaghetti commenรงa ร tomber de ma poches
Quazifuji ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:38:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was once an argument between a student and the teacher in one of my classes that ended when the student responded to the teacher's latest claim with an impressively accurate wookie noise. She just had no response to that.
bawlzes ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:28:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't Reddit Silver banned on Ask Reddit, cause if it wasn't this post would be a great opportunity.
BCMM ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:46:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All bots are banned here :(
Bagelmaster8 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:32:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES, ONLY HUMANS ON THIS FINE SUB, HAHAHA
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 20:45:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES, ONLY
MEAT SACKSREAL HUMANS ARE FOUND HERE.01001001 00100000 01010111 01001001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01010101 01010011 01000101 00100000 01011001 01001111 01010101 01010010 00100000 01000010 01001100 01001111 01001111 01000100 00100000 01010100 01001111 00100000 01001100 01010101 01000010 01010010 01001001 01000011 01000001 01010100 01000101 00100000 01001101 01011001 00100000 01001010 01001111 01001001 01001110 01010100 01010011 00101100 00100000 01001101 01000101 01000001 01010100 00100000 01010011 01000001 01000011 01001011 01010011 00101110
my_hat_stinks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:19:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a bot banned from here despite it never posting here because I used that account to respond to someone who asked a question specifically about that bot. It's absurd.
farmtownsuit ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:40:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing stop you from posting the jpg the bot would post.
bat4600 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:03:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something Tina Belcher would do
snorkel42 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:47:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! This is very similar to how I got my nickname!
I had first period Spanish class my freshman year and it was rather terrible. The teacher was horrible and the students were completely uninterested. Well one day our teacher is delivering this brutally long lecture to the whole class about how we are all lazy and will never accomplish anything, and for reasons that I to this day cannot explain I stood up and announced to the class โIโm a snorkel.โ And sat down.
Stunned silence... Teacherโs mouth hanging open... And then 30 seconds later she moved on and began teaching the dayโs lesson.
My nickname has been snorkel ever since.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:25:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying at my desk right now
I can't breath....I can not breath
bg-j38 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:40:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a big work meeting we had in a huge open space at my old company. Some big announcement was made and everyone started cheering. Suddenly this guy I'm friends with starts screaming like a fucking excited chimpanzee. It was amazing.
Ihavenootheroptions ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a concert once, and the band manager was trying to shush people so he could make some announcement. After minutes of seeing him fail at quieting people, I shouted โshut up!โ While breathing in instead of breathing out.
It makes my voice a lot deeper and like 3 times as loud. Every single person in the venue stopped and stared at me which allowed the guy to speak.
peensandrice ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:37:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well what do you expect? You barked in German.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
DontFeedtheYaoGuai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:43:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I hardly ever talked to people, much less in the hallways. Well this guy I got to know said hi to me one day as I'm zoning out walking to my next class and I just kinda looked at him startled and make this abrupt, surprised sound that definitely sounded like a small dog barking. I was so taken aback that anyone would say hi to me, I couldn't process a simple greeting.
He just kinda laughed nervously and walked away.
Lizzle372 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:49:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please dear lord tell me about the other occasion
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:54:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's, unfortunately, the exact same situation, in the same class, with the same teacher, but on a different day. I think everyone probably thought I had some kind of undiagnosed mental condition. I probably do.
TheOccultSasquatch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:52:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first part of this reminds me of my Year 7 English teacher, she had no control over the class and one day she snapped and yelled "WELCOME TO MISS BITCH!!". For two weeks of lessons we had to sit and do test papers in complete silence, anyone who even whispered would get sent out. She moved to a different high school that year.
ilovemallory ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:52:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
don't worry. you're not alone
IAmSpinda ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:11:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
insert "are you a closet furry" question here
ASKABOUTMYORCHESTRA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe that was the spirit of Paul coming to the surface?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:08:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mm, no, Paul is Paul Hollywood, whose gaze haunts me from afar every time I bake
stabbyrum ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:44:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Your bread is underbaked and over worked!" ooooOOOOOooooOOoOoOoo
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:47:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*wakes up in a cold sweat*
525600Pepes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:31:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get any solid advice from Coach Finstock?
Adawesome_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:06:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is the paul that haunts you a dog? Maybe that's why.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:06:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's Paul Hollywood, his gaze haunts my baking from afar.
KingPhine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:46:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good boy!
riotcowkingofdeimos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Le woof?
TheGreatDay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one kinda hurt to read. It was akin to a Scotts tots pain.
sweetcuppingcakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of this "christian standup comic" who came to our church once when I was a kid.
He told a story about cheating on tests in school, how he'd make a different "sneeze" or "cough" sound if the answer was A, B, or C or whatever. Then his friends would know the answers and everyone would pass the test.
Then, of course, once of the last answers was "All of the above", so he had to make every noise at once.
He probably stole it from a joke book or something
Tiekyl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:55:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was standing in a circle at band camp waiting to be called to attention and, when the drum major was about to say "Band, attention go!" I accidently said it aloud with her. :(
I also was trying to read with every vowel being a hard vowel and started chanting it out loud in the middle of class. Not my best moment.
BlackHound1941 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were possesed by deathgrind
iEpidemics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this but not animal noises. My brain works faster than my mouth and so I'll want to say "well that's nice, have any plans for the holidays?" (Then proceed to think about the holidays myself) and it actually comes out as gibberish or I'll stutter even though I don't have a stuttering issues. So something like "well, well, well that's plans for holidays?" And pretend like nothing happened.
coolranchdoritoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this YOU??
CatFoibles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar in kindergarten and I yelled shush very loudly. Every kid stopped talking to look at me. Granted, we were all young so I'm sure I'm one of the few who remember it happening.
TheLarryMullenBand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious. I can't stop laughing.
sidney_crago ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found DMX
hoo321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol im laughing reading this for some reason haha
xXxCuckMasterXxX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because its funny
CloaknPoke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bark whenever I like and people don't look anymore. It's just normal
MisterDarcyType ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is exactly how DMX would have handled the situation. I fail to see the problem.
pole_fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DMX
Dilly-day-dreamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell me about paul
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paul is Paul Hollywood. His judgmental glare haunts me from afar every time I bake at home.
jsulliv1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a student (college) who does this all the time. Also barks greetings to his friends. Also gave a presentation on how to bark. Everyone loves him. So, you aren't alone, and maybe it wasn't as bad as you think. You likely made everyone feel happier!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember the looks. I... I don't think that's what was happening.
sideofsunny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, read this whole thread and this is by far the BEST answer.
hylianelf ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:03:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the one that pushed me into tears
xXxCuckMasterXxX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have aspergers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh, probably
xXxCuckMasterXxX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:16:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be clear i wasnt trying to be derogatory, just shooting from the hip based on personal experience.
Longboarder358 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this
ArgonGryphon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Segura does it too
Soup44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it was Paul trying to speak for himself?
Truan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"you tell me, teach. I'm the one who has to get the class' attention, for you"
cosmicButterfly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking crying lmaooooooo
wordnerd76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I blame OP for the awkwardness of a snort laugh on a very crowded bus. Thanks!
Knapperx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/furry_irl
UnfaithfulFunctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you only did it once it would be super weird, but since you did it twice itโs basically art
Endulos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just cringed so hard I got whiplash.
vee-cee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teacher's pet
stillbatting1000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who frequently โmeowsโ like a cat. โMeoooow...โ Heโs a grown man. Who I think may be autistic.
Mrnoone696 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a green text written in a different format.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:46:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody else said that, so I did this.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/whats_the_dumbest_thing_youve_ever_done_solely/doabuxx/
Mrnoone696 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And three more people probably will before this thread is completely dead.
RustyCatalyst ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude.. my poor French teacher had 31 very rowdy students. They made her cry several times. She no longer teaches.
GamerOfLegends3008 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry bro, but that's hilarious xD.
Oxcart_STL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to know if you're male or female so I can repay this in my head correctly
Renegade_General ยท 7574 points ยท Posted at 16:01:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking in the hallway in middle school and dropped my binder as cool kids the grade below me were walking by. Instead of just picking it up I decided it would be cooler to "barely even care" and kick my binder across the hall, towards the classroom I was going in. It instead spread it's contents everywhere.
microwavingpeeps ยท 8397 points ยท Posted at 16:34:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool kids in the grade below? Extra cringe.
CallidusTaco ยท 2133 points ยท Posted at 18:00:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like icing on the cake to the image of casually kicking your shit all over a hallway in middle school
Renegade_General ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 18:47:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What can I say, I was a cool kid.
throwaway09476323 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am howling!
Mstinos ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:37:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Barking?
HitByStick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it is kinda badass.
Renegade_General ยท 1128 points ยท Posted at 18:35:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to show that 8th grade coolness to the "cool" seventh graders. It felt important at the time.
NotaSport ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:19:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like to think the following year it became "a thing" to drop your stuff and kick it into the next class room.
[deleted] ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 22:10:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I...I don't think you know how this whole "cool" thing works. As evidenced by your original post.
WhiteHairedWidow ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:29:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey I'm cool as sneakers
JanJonDijonMustard ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:29:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
should... should we tell him?
Maudesquad ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:28:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I vaguely remember someone doing this, but couldn't have been you because we were in high school.
Clashin_Creepers ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:50:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How does it work? I feel like I went through middle School without being presented with a formal definition. When did they hand out the memos?
Julian_rc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:08:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am cringing for you right now m8 so you don't have too
Kaligraphic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See, the dominant move would have been to pick up the binder normally and totally dismiss the lower grades' very concept of cool.
"Oh, you think that's what cool is? I remember thinking that, back in the day. So cute..."
pervysage69 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:07:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't even catch that. My brain autocorrected to older kids
MuppetHolocaust ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:13:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"When you dorks get to my grade, you'll see how cool this is."
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:58:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha im dying
Mrnoone696 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:17:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there are no cool kids in the grades below yours. Everyone knows that.
Tesseract14 ยท 365 points ยท Posted at 18:38:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this is the funniest thing I've read in a while. Thank you for this image
Renegade_General ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:46:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:)
94358132568746582 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm just imagining the attempt at the nonchalant kick and the binder just goes spinning with everything flying out.
ClearTheCache ยท 860 points ยท Posted at 18:05:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And all your edgy drawings fly out across the hallway
Renegade_General ยท 424 points ยท Posted at 18:37:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean? My drawings of my least favorite teacher being killed were totally cool man.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:37:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:20:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least she looked cool riding into the burning building!
vagadrew ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:49:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was riding into a burning orphanage to save the children!
NotMyThrowawayNope ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:32:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But why not just lie and say she's riding out of the building in style?
arnber420 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:28:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually had a drawing of my least favorite teacher being killed in my binder and dropped it one day, teacher found it and I got suspended for a week. Middle school edginess amirite?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:38:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I drew pictures of a bully in class getting her head chopped off and got sent to the counselor :(
Suburbanslim ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 19:41:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just like drawing dicks
SpeckleLippedTrout ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 20:53:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nooooo my fan girl sasuke anime drawings noooooo
sidney_crago ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:30:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brian the hedgehog noooi
BreezyWrigley ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:14:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
better than weird erotic drawings.
ASKABOUTMYORCHESTRA ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:03:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the spaghetti comes spilling out.
jcb088 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:29:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or better yet, drawings of dicks.
-fno-stack-protector ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:39:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
anime girls and hammers and sickles
ATL28-NE3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:02:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody in here acting like they didn't have at least 50 variations of the Stussy S
Jarl_Walnut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to google that, didn't know there was a name for those! My version would just be an endless chain working its way across the pages.
ATL28-NE3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always turned em into cars because...well no real reason
suchbsman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time a classmate dropped his binder and all of his sexy anime babe drawings went everywhere
Julian_rc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're all of dicks
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:54:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine if it was the Superbad kid.
[deleted] ยท 339 points ยท Posted at 16:33:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did they think you were cool?
Renegade_General ยท 1006 points ยท Posted at 18:36:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, they showed this by laughing at me.
MechanicalTurkish ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 19:19:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were surely laughing with you.
BreezyWrigley ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:14:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nailed it.
riotcowkingofdeimos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, honey they're just jealous of you...
TheOrangeShyGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean laughing WITH you rigjt?
AntTheMighty ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 16:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. Picking up one thing quickly turned to picking up several.
Renegade_General ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 18:45:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good thing I didn't keep kicking.
ASKABOUTMYORCHESTRA ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:04:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining a Russian nesting dolls scenario, where each time you kick something, it scatters into even more smaller pieces.
AustinTransmog ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 20:40:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What they saw:
An angry-looking 8th grader slams his notebook to the ground, then kicks it, sending papers flying everywhere.
Brice6911 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:26:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you were that kid.
milkfree ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:40:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish you would have said aloud, โbarely even care.โ
ericpeterson80 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:07:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This had me crying from laughter. Thank you.
Introvert8063 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:03:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats when its time to double down. Step on it as you walk past and leave it for the poor janitor.
DaveByTheRiver ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:21:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is such gold.
skdanielle16 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:35:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cannot stop laughing. Thank you. Comment SAVED.
15dreadnought ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:16:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: it was a binder full of hentai
The-Leprechaun ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:12:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really know why, but this one brought me to laughter tears. Thank you.
hoo321 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:34:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol this is hilarious
yaddayaddayadda88 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:01:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So they saw all your drawings of monster, veiny penises?
Rhuey13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:44:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to do this all the time with books and notebooks. Nothing ever flew out though. Teachers said I was being disrespectful which I really enjoyed. And people thought I was cool so I guessed it worked
FancyArtichoke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school I thought I would look cooler if I jumped off the stage after drama class instead of using the stairs. Ended up looking my footing as I went to jump and face planting. Then decided it was cooler if I acted like it didn't faze me and jumped right back up, only to collapse again as I realized I had broken a rib.
plzPMmeURpet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:51 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have to pee so bad but I'm too lazy to get out of my comfy bed and this comment just caused a little pee to escape from laughing so hard. Thank you.
Celesticalking ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably looked like the world's biggest idiot gathering everything that fell ๐๐๐๐
ilinamorato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:37:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, there is no cool way to bend over and pick something up off the floor.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought you were dropping a book on kids froma stairwell.
CabbagePastrami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:32:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me you just laughed at the contents spilling everywhere and just walked all over them with a "ha ha fuck you contents of my binder for the class I'm going to" kind of smile on your face.
MoonPoolActual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend would put his phone down and kick it down the halls.
that_snarky_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a combo middle/high school and I'm dying laughing rn because these are the things that matter to preteens
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done basically this exact thing before.....
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you Jerry Smith?
RenegadeCookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing in high school except I was the freshman and wanted to show the older kids I was cool. I was also that awkward kid with the humongous binder that held like 5 subjects. There were a lot of papers to pick up.
livemau5 ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 17:40:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its*. The only time you use "it's" is to say "it is".
WikiWantsYourPics ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:20:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, so many downvotes. Don't worry, grammar fascism is a toss-up. One day you'll get -30 for pointing out a mistake, the next you'll get +100.
livemau5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:02:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a complete hit or miss.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I was a gr 12 in highschool the gr 8 and 9 were bigger and taller then us (most of the gr12 and 11), some of them were quite rambunctious we avoided them.
97Ladybug ยท 432 points ยท Posted at 19:45:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accidentally took the plastic tube home from the bank drive through, I don't know why but I couldn't bring my self to take it back even though it would've been funny and not embarrassing at all. A couple days later the bank called and asked if I had the tube. I said no of course. They totally knew it was me because of the cameras. Never gone to that branch again
rgdenis ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 00:29:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao. idk why this is the fucking funniest I've read so far. You sad human.
mandabananaba ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 02:58:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got change for my store for the first time, and the teller set a bunch of small bills and a metal tray of dime rolls on the counter for me. Then someone needed her so she told me have a nice day, and walked away. I put the whole thing in my bank bag and got heavily ridiculed at work for stealing a bank tray. I took it back like two weeks later, just nonchalantly placed it on the counter.
RaChernobyl ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 13:26:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My father once put a bunch of rolls of change (along with quite a bit of paper cash) in one of those tubes to deposit in his bank. The minute the suction started and the tube was barely moving he realized his mistake. It got stuck in the first bend of the tube and they had to call a repairman to come get it out. My dad had to wait for the whole process to make sure it got deposited as the bank isn't responsible for the money until they've physically touched it. So at least you didn't shut down lane 3 of the drive thru at the bank for 3 hours on a Friday while awkwardly having to wait for the repair man.
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:13:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you still have it??
97Ladybug ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:14:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, threw it away to get rid of the evidence
ledaclone ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:06:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol when I was little my aunt told me this story about this guy she knew who accidentally left with a bank tube and she said the cops were at this dudeโs house waiting for him when he got home and they arrested him for stealing government property.
97Ladybug ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:10:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow I got off lucky then!
ledaclone ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 16:11:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah Iโm pretty sure sheโs full of shit ๐
mlg2433 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:42:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might be my favorite haha
blatantdisregard ยท 601 points ยท Posted at 22:04:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late but here we go. This was back when I first started dating my girlfriend, now wife of 18 years. We were probably 17 at the time. We were at my parent's house, nobody else home, chilling in my room when I got that old familiar rumble in my gut letting me know it was time to take a shit. The problem, at least in my mind, was that the only bathroom was right across the hall from my bedroom. I thought there is no way I can let her hear me ripping ass, let alone smell the funk that was sure to follow. So I said, "Hey, I'm thirsty. I'm going to run down to the kitchen and grab something to drink. I'll be right back." I booked it downstairs, whipped out the trash can in the kitchen, pulled down my pants, and commenced to take the quickest shit of my life. I wiped my ass with a few napkins, dropped them in and then hauled the bag out to the dumpster. Ran back in the house thinking my plan worked, and there she was, waiting for me in the kitchen, along with the foulest shit smell you could imagine. Thinking quickly I said, "Can you smell that? The dog pooped on the floor so I ran it out to the dumpster." She said, "Yeah, what's wrong with him? It smells like human shit!" I was like, "I know! Let's get out of here," grabbed a pop from the fridge, and went back upstairs. Still haven't told her to this day.
InkyGrrrl ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 02:07:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
smooth as fuck though, honestly.
CabbagePastrami ยท 200 points ยท Posted at 02:51:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeh because it worked. Imagine if she went down a moment earlier and caught him shitting in the kitchen trash can.
Not sure if they'd have ended up married 18years.
One of those butterfly effect things I guess...
SprungMS ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 19:14:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Killing a butterfly, shitting in the kitchen.. yeah, sounds about right.
KidInCorner ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 02:17:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
she probably knows
CabbagePastrami ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:49:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just can't be real....I mean what the fuck?
Skipzilla_killa ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:45:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most definitely knows lmao
oculus_1 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:27:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should tell her then give us the details on how she responded
UpwardOfBlessings ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:29:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But did you even have a dog...
suchbsman ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 08:57:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now you gotta tell her and update us with her response
LucysFakeTits ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:02:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should tell her!
ProjectGRIFFIN ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:46:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We didnt have a dog...
llambie42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:45:51 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you win!
aarondoyle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:08:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's time to tell her, just so you can tell us her reaction.
Do it... for science!
joder_ ยท 202 points ยท Posted at 20:13:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a neighbors house making friends with the people who had just moved in, when I suddenly felt the call of nature deep in my belly. So I had two options, I could either make this fact known, and use the facility like a person, or I could initiate a game of hide and seek, and while my friend hid, I could pinch a loaf in the corner of his backyard.
Apparently I took too long, because he stopped hiding, came and found me, and immediately told his parents.
The best part is, I could have walked to my house, it was in the culdesac across the street.
Also, anytime I had to cross the road as a kid, if there was a car in view that would have to stop for me, I would pretend like I didn't need to cross and keep walking. One day I was walking after school let out and the cars just kept coming, so I kept walking. Walked all the way around the entire neighborhood twice before I could cross the street without inconveniencing random drivers. I even waved them on if they looked like they would stop for me.
bryanofeaston ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 01:59:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this having no idea the perspective was that of a child until after the entire first paragraph. Much funnier with adult characters!
frolicking_elephants ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:58:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What'd his parents do?
joder_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:15:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They called my parents, and I got to enjoy that wonderful feeling of soul sucking dread that you can only experience when you're on your way to be punished by your parents, and you have no idea how they'll react.
In actuality all they made me do was apologize, go pick it up with the dog poop shovel, and explain to me why it's frowned upon to poop in other people's yards. It worked, haven't done it since. I was only 9 or 10 at the time, for reference.
graciesea98 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:44:42 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh lol i still do the cross walk thing.
AwwItThinksItsPeople ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:49:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking love this so much Omg thanks for sharing your pain
chickenwingsandrice ยท 403 points ยท Posted at 19:37:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once smoking in my garden and heard my front door open, now knowing no one was supposed to be home i immediately thought the worst: "oh no, a burgler." Because of my stupid paranoia instead of going in and seeing who it was like a normal person i decided to climb up to my bedroom window. I climbed up the fence (breaking it as i did so) and scrambled up the window ledge and peered in my room to see my brother furiously jacking off in our shared bedroom. He glanced up at me and shouted " Oi, what the fuck are you doing?" I just let myself drop from sheer embaressment and stupidity (luckily not hurting myself too badly except from a twisted ankle).
myps3brokeYo ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 08:20:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahhahaha, you can't make this shot up... this thread is golden, I hope someone takes all these stories and makes a movie out of it
bindzzz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:36:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dead from laughter
Mstinos ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:16:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is my favorite.
Bob_The_Mexican ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:18:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best story on this thread
chickenwingsandrice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:17:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, im glad reddit is anonymous so i have somewhere to post it lol
Bob_The_Mexican ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:18:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best story on this thread
Dwashelle ยท 2884 points ยท Posted at 18:25:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now's my time to shine.
I confined myself to my room for 3/4 days to avoid talking to relatives I had never met before; they were visiting and staying in the house. I drank water from the bathroom tap and snuck downstairs to get food when they were gone out for the day. They flew back to the US without having met me.
RickSanchezislord ยท 524 points ยท Posted at 19:35:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder what the thought when they didn't see you the entire time.
Pizzacrusher ยท 436 points ยท Posted at 20:14:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dwashelle is being a weirdo teen... hopefully snaps out of it soon."
Dwashelle ยท 352 points ยท Posted at 21:22:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part is that I'm 25.
lifesmaash ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 21:45:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's okay I did this just this past summer, and I am 30. And I live with my mom and step-dad. And my room is like right in the middle of the house and guest room. And there were about 20 people staying at the house, in the living room, all over. And I had to give up my room so I was staying in my daughter's room.
xTheConvicted ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 22:27:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You alright buddy?
elmerjstud ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 22:34:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
considering his username is life smaaash, probably not alright.
lifesmaash ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 22:44:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya.. ๐
elmerjstud ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 22:51:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
for what it's worth, i'm glad you're still around and i hope you continue to focus on your music career.
lifesmaash ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 22:53:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Random compliments on reddit are worth quite a bit. Thanks stranger.
elmerjstud ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:54:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should upload some of your music on reddit, might catch on
lifesmaash ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:56:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks I have posted it in a mental health sub I frequent but maybe I will post it elsewhere. It's just very rough and needs proper care to make it marketable i think
gus_ix ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:22:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hope everything works out for you man
lifesmaash ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:45:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relatively
330393606 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 13:50:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not mature enough to have your own place or talk to people you don't know, but mature enough to have a child.
At least your child's grandparents are there to help raise him/her.
lifesmaash ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 13:51:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you this helps with my crippling mental illneas very much.
Fat_Chip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:46:42 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't listen to them!
lifesmaash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:16 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐คโ๏ธ
Luciditi89 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:04:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
28 would do this
ddrddrddrddr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:10:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Double teen twice as awkward.
Pizzacrusher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:04:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
25 is still soo young. you'll realize in like 20 years. all good :)
MaDanklolz ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:39:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My relatives would have come up and said hi. I would have said hi back and stared at them to assert my dominance on the bedroom territory.
CabbagePastrami ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:14:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was such a hilarious image I can't stop laughing....
MaDanklolz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:47:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs standard occurance when step dads son comes over with his mother and grandmother every 2 weeks.
buttaholic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What's that noise coming from upstairs?"
fingerandtoe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:59:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โJust dashwelle and his body pillow.โ
JasmineC91 ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 23:26:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I don't exist"
CursedCatLady ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:18:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unexpectedhogwarts
Princess_Queen ยท 97 points ยท Posted at 23:30:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me, my mom had a co-worker staying over for a couple of weeks, and I didn't make eye contact with him for days until he made a Breaking Bad reference inaccurately and I corrected him.
Dwashelle ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:41:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god thats amazing!
Tommy_C ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:09:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was it?
Princess_Queen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:27:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I can't remember. I talk about Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad all the time
HolyNipplesOfChrist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:50:37 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're minerals marie! I will not accept any boxes with damage!
lemonfluff ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:50:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have made a great Harry Potter.
SuccinctSavage ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:22:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're ever in this situation again, going to a Barnes and Noble or other bookstore and reading all day is a good option. Then they won't think you're weird and that you have a social life.
SheiraTiireine ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:25:51 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then you might accidentally pass them on your way in or out of the house.
sunnycmg ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 20:50:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck im kinda impressed
iEpidemics ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:51:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally me... Except people will just come into my room to say hello and try to talk. It would probably be easier watching porn and having them walk in and say what the fuck than to awkwardly try to care when I don't at all. I've starved myself to avoid human contact, it's still worth it imo.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:54:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this with my roommates...
BeThatAsItJune ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:39:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can always tell a Milford man.
PrincessPikapoo ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:29:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have so pulled this kind of stunt if my parents wouldn't have just busted into my room with relatives in tow, forcing them to meet me!
Adamsoski ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:56:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this probably at least one day every week or so to avoid my housemates. And I like my housemates.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:30:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Children should be neither seen, nor heard.
kaylashalayla ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:18:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not joking I do this about 50% of the week because I rent a room from a family from my church who I didn't know before moving in. Lol I feel bad because I don't want them to think I hate them, but I just really loathe small talk
MrPokinatcha ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:43:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck I did the same!!!! One day when I was like 17 I woke up at 10 am, and heard that a bunch of out of town relativesy were already in the living room. The worst part is that in my house there is no way to go to the bathroom and/or kitchen without being noticed... So by the time they left I almost peed and shat myself. And obviously starving and as thirsty as a man stranded in the desert...
Since that day I keep a bunch of water bottles (full and empty) in my room. Just in case.
avacatt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:39:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
done this a million times and still do. I should just start stocking up on food at this point.
zangor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:36:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stocking up on food is a good method. I go to the supermarket once every 2 weeks or so to get sale items like granola bars with chocolate on the bottom and welchs fruit snacks. It's a pathetic diet - but I barely eat and utilize my bench press so it evens out sort of.
NotTheKindOfGirl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:43:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My aunt and cousin visited from interstate earlier this year, and had to crash at mine. I was so uncomfortable that I went to bed at 7.30PM cos I was tired, just to avoid awkward relative convos. However, I was sleeping on the couch and letting them have my room, so basically I forced them into the confinement of my bedroom for 12 hours.
Next time they came to visit, they stayed in a hotel.
albinocobra ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:59:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this everytime relatives come over
jay_wonderland ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:29:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait- weren't they wondering where you were and wanted to meet you?
Dwashelle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:24:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure they were!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:07:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my aunt and uncle were visiting for two days and I stayed in my room the entire time just smoking weed and sleeping and I didn't eat. The social anxiety is too real
renekbob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O do this but not as hardcore as you.
utried_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck lmao sounds like something I would have done if my parents didnโt always force me to help โentertainโ.
nonegotiation ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:37:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has done this.
I still feel like a dick sometimes about it.
Dwashelle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:23:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I honestly thought I was the only one who did this.
FuriousDee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:19:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm almost 30 and still avoid relatives. It is what it is.
RoxasOfKeys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too relatable.
suchbsman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:45:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the same with certain relatives when they visit for the day, though I have met them before.
averywetfrog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:43:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this anytime there is company.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to sneak around at home to avoid anyone that I could hear visiting, and on more than one occasion I was caught half-crouched slinking down the hallway on tiptoe. Just had to act like I was walking normal, or sometimes remain in that stance and then keep walking like it, and just say I'm sick if it comes up.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:32:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sister used to be really bad at this. Whenever my parents had visitors (they were always in the kitchen) my sister would sneak into her room and not come out till they went away. I often had to get her food. Meanwhile I had zero qualms and would often cook in the background while my parents were discussing work or other stuff with people I had never met before.
Giraffeguin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this to relatives I had met before but didn't want to chat with. It felt more like an intrusion because I didn't ask for them to come over. Never have to encounter this again now that I live alone and I don't have to worry about other people inviting guests.
kiwifulla64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHAT THE FUCK LOL HAHAHA
lirrsucks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could see myself happily doing that also.
Empole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this whenever we have guests in the house. I'm 19
bmhadoken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bet you'll never say that again!
frizzaks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you live in Norway?
Waddahal ยท 4228 points ยท Posted at 17:35:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time staying at long distance gfs, didn't want her to know I pooped so I held it from friday morning until monday night. Blocked up for days.
coolghoul_ ยท 2149 points ยท Posted at 19:51:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still cringe thinking about stuff like this too. A couple of years ago I was renting a room which had an ensuite and a boyfriend I had came round to stay for the first time. I had to go poop so afterwards I put loads of toilet cleaner down the toilet to hide the smell after and came in and casually told him how I clean the toilet every night before bed and so that's why I was so long in the bathroom...he just gave me this look like '...okay...'
2ii2ky ยท 207 points ยท Posted at 22:51:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Casual excuses as to what took me so long in the bathroom are my forte
MadGeekling ยท 305 points ยท Posted at 23:14:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's horrible is when they actually ask you, "Hey are you okay in there?" when you're taking too long.
Like, wtf people? If someone is taking a while in the bathroom, you fucking know why! Also, do you want an honest answer to that?
"No. My asshole is like Mt. St. Helens right now. It's like a god damn biblical disaster in here and I'm questioning the very meaning of life. My anus is bleeding and I feel like I am shitting actual ghost peppers. No, I'm not okay, Sheryl!"
FogInTheDog ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 23:17:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom does this and yes, she does want to know the details of your diarrhea.
amanko13 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 23:22:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know the feels. At this point, I may as well just take a picture everyday and put it up on the fridge.
Dammit_Jessie ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 23:40:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know there is an instinctual reason why mothers have an affinity for poop, they can tell if you're sick or if something is wrong with your diet by the looks of your poop. Back when we were cavemen, the mothers of the tribe were in charge of collecting everyones poop each day to analyze and sort. The healthiest poops went into one pile and the diareah and the likes were baked into baked goods so that their husband and children could reabsorb the remaining nutrients.
Wess_Mantooth_ ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 23:46:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damnit Jessie
amanko13 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:45:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the more you know... though still, I'd prefer it if no one knocked on the door whilst I'm having a poo. That's me time. Also, asking "what are you doing?" when you're having a poo is the most frustrating question. I'm in the toilet, it doesn't matter if I'm having a fucking rave! what I'm doing in there is none of your Goddamn business!
idiomaddict ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:19:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...so you didn't finish reading?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:12:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt know enough about this to say itโs right or wrong...
ItchyFiberglass ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:46:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...are you a anthropologist or something?
ECJ1994 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:46:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
letsturnipthebeet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:04:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What
Angsty_Potatos ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:19:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mine too. But shes a nurse so its expected. She asks my friends and my SO about their poop too. Its awesome/s
MadGeekling ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:29:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should tell her it came out and formed the number 666 in the toilet water.
sexualcatperson ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 01:05:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband has occasionally fallen asleep on the toilet. I double check occasionally to make sure he is awake.
ashadowwolf ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 00:04:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because you could be dead or something. I mean if sounds are coming from the bathroom then yeah you're probably fine but if it's dead silent for 10 mins maybe you went down like Tywin Lannister.
Also some people need things like tp but don't like calling for help from the bathroom and getting everyone's attention or maybe they blocked the toilet and freaked out or there was a spider in there, who knows
mattleo ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:09:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess there will be only 7 planets after your done because it sounds like uranus is getting destroyed
thisoneplease ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:19:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I assume that they're pooping, but I check anyway to make sure they didn't faint or something.
ChaiHai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, once the bf passed out drunk in there. I honestly just thought he went into the computer room after x amount of time and continued happily away on my tablet.
Then when I finally needed to go, I had to pound on the door for five minutes to get him to wake up.
Kellraiser ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 00:03:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My version of this is batshit insane paranoia about taking too long in the bathroom when I am NOT pooping.
In high school, I had friends who would ask to go to the bathroom and then go wander the halls...never could I ever, because someone might say "Kellraiser's been gone a long time, maybe she had a stomachache" which is clearly the most embarrassing thing anyone could ever say in the history of the universe.
Oh, and, if I actually do find myself required to poop in public, I will lie and say I'm going somewhere else that reasonably requires more time.
Celiac_Sally ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 00:17:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too. Or I'll say I'm going to the bathroom, but then on my way back maybe I got caught in a conversion I couldn't escape. Or perhaps I needed a drink. I'll find an excuse.
flubba86 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 23:19:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my wife is taking 25+ minutes in the toilet, I start shouting out things like "Do you need some help? Have you fallen in? Do you need me to assemble a rescue party? Are you ready to come out yet? Should I send in the rescue party?"
HadHerses ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:21:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"'Ave you gone down the plug hole?" was a fave in my house, no matter the reason you were in the bathroom
wheels_andthelegman ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:04:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like how well you thought this out. Not only do you not poop, but you are also amazingly clean. That seems like a double win story
utried_ ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:03:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
En suite bathrooms are the fucking worst. Especially since you can basically hear everything from the bed.
m_c_clap_yo_handz ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:17:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't stop laughing at this, it's so ridiculous and definitely something I could see myself doing.
mbz321 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:43:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too those in a similar situation, buy a bottle of poo-Porri, or a knockoff, or make your own. It's really a life-changer.
Handsome_Jackalope ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:32:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like more people on Reddit need to invest in a toilet deodorizer. Eg. Just A Drop
Sofa_King_Cold ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:10:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poopourri, I love that stuff.
white_android ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:09:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I missed" is a perfectly acceptable answer. At least it was for that kid in daddy daycare.
Yossi25 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, everytime I take a big shit. For the next hour afterwards, I have loud farts. It's like the turds release, so now the gas later wants to come out.
Unsure if that happens to you, but holding those fuckers in while my bf / gf is spooning me is super hard.
D3aek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was like this until I went to university. Now i'm just like "I gotta go take a shit. Might be a while."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is embarrassing to poop when you're with someone for the first time. I remember a very long time ago feeling embarrassed when my not-yet husband visited me and my family for the first time and I brushed my teeth within hearing distance of him. I was an awkward person back then.
luzzy91 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 23:14:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
rebelspyder ยท 1726 points ยท Posted at 18:59:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think she ever found out your smelly secret; that you poop?
Waddahal ยท 1602 points ยท Posted at 19:01:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We've bought a house together now and complains I spend too much time pooping! No prize for guessing where I was when I wrote this
FarmTaco ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 21:29:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tool shed?
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 21:45:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs where I shit
sonrad10 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:52:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there any better place?
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:01:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In/on a chest?
sonrad10 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:02:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...of drawers?
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:15:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry... consenting chest*
realbutter ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:08:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always ask my drawers before I poop in them
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mother raised you well.
I like to think I played a part in that.
spluge96 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:49:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rare find to be given consent to poop in an open chest.
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:29:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop buying IKEA
jrhoffa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:23:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't poop in the tool shed.
PinkDalek ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:25:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*stool shed
adunazon ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:25:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably less, but the post timestamps suggest you may have been shitting for over an hour.
MY MAN!
DilatedTeachers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slow down!
SailedBasilisk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In bed?
CMDR-SephickLeandros ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Niagra falls!? You're not in Niagra falls are you?...
Chili_Maggot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:47:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then I won't do it
PM_THAT_SWEET_ASS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:14:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm assuming you were having your morning coffee when you wrote that.
Mank_Deme ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:51:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom complains I spend too much time pooping, little does she know I'm beating my meat harder than /u/rogersimon10 was beat with jumper cables.
Recrewt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit that was evil. I feel bad for laughing.
spaz_marine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:04:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the kitchen sink shitting?
BaconComposter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have kids, it's the only time you'll get to yourself.
Big_D_Squirrels ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Balls deep?
Fiocoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit?
cstone1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That semi-colon.
DarthBaio ยท 216 points ยท Posted at 19:56:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would have been amazing if she'd dumped you, and her reason was that she thought there was something wrong with you because you never pooped.
Waddahal ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 20:57:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dumped for not dumping, what a thought.
AMasonJar ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:38:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look at that freak, he doesn't take shits
gasgiant405 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:28:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/redditwritesseinfeld
Rosie1991 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:36:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did a 3 day two night backpacking trip with my older brother and niece and nephew (who are just a couple years younger than me ) My niece was probably like 15 at the time and she held her poop the whole time to avoid pooping in a hole in the ground lol...she was sooooo miserable on the hike back and was in the bathroom for a while when we got back to civilization
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:57:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm 100% convinced this is what would happen if I try to get my boyfriend to go camping with me. Heโs a bit of a diva and needs a toilet to poop. Just dig a hole and bury it like a real man!
egyptianhitler ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:00:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
b-but.. everyone poops.. even the caterpillars
TenTornadoes ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:31:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially the caterpillars.
dumbledorethegrey ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Short story time. Earlier this year, my state had an invasion of gypsy moth caterpillars. These fuckers were everywhere at my aunt and uncle's house, so much so that you were constantly in danger of having multiple crawling/falling on you. Defoliating trees, the works.
They have a patio which had what looked like lots of dirt on it. Nope. Caterpillar poop.
featheredfelon ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:56:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When early on in dating my husband, he lived across the street from the college we were attending. To avoid doing a #2 at his apartment I would make excuses to go on campus (going for a walk, buying coffee, studying) and I'd use the single-stall toilets there instead.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:45:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to spend weekends at this lass' university dorm who I was seeing back in the day and she basically just had a tiny bedroom with an adjoining bathroom... I was too embarrassed to go for a shite with her within earshot, even though she wasn't uptight or weird about anything like that.
Every weekend for over a year I pretended I liked to go for walks by myself just so I could go to a nearby pub and take a shit.
slanid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:17:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this with my husband, that I live with. Oh I'm just gonna run to the grocery store real quick at 9:30pm for nothing in particular.
dadorkknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:32 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With your husband? Why?
numberninemac ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:09:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I did this, except I went camping with my roommate and her fiancรฉ. I wanted to poop, but I thought about it and realized that a. I wouldnโt know what to do with the used toilet paper, b. I wouldnโt know what to do with the poop, and c. they brought their own wet-wipes, and I didnโt know if I was allowed to use them.
I could have just asked, and everything would have been fine, but I just didnโt poop that whole weekend. When I came home, I got there before they did and, I dropped a deuce the size of Texas. No Iโll effects, though I did feel surprisingly refreshed after I finally pooped.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:13:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
kthebakerman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:27:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If my bf shit on my house he'd be my ex, too.
LordFluffles ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:23:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before you head home she's like "You have to go to the toilet first? It's a long drive."
"Nah I don't...do that."
Vince__clortho ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:39:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had the opposite happen! I visited my Argentine gf (I'm from the states) near Bs As and gave exactly zero fucks about pooping and being a pooper. Until I got a couple days worth of Argentine food in me. My system was NOT a fan. I didn't shit for a week and a half. My stomach hurt so bad that I had to have my then girlfriends mom make me some home remedy of like warm prunes and some kind of juice. Didn't work. Had to have my gf translate my request for help because my Spanish was garbage back then. I love Argentina but man that was a tough week and a half.
Thobalt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:50:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm currently far from home and am squeaking out little rabbit poop nuggets when I get the chance and movement. I'm a little tempted to spend one night getting smashed so I can have one of those bowel cleansing hangover shits to be rid of it all.
Heart of civilization, complete diet, enough curry to define a meal or three, and still it's a struggle.
'course, you prolly didn't really want to know any of this, but I'm on the John now and it's slow going. Suffer as I do.
Vince__clortho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wherever you're flying back to, change it to Miami. I got stuck in Miami on my way home and the airline gave me a night in a hotel and a room service voucher. Literally less than 20 minutes after my meal I was a fucking upside down volcano. But you prolly didn't wanna know any of that.
CalcBros ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I first got together with my wife, she told me that she never pooped because ladies didn't poop. We got married and I still never saw her poop and she'd say there was a reason I didn't have proof...because she didn't poop.
I'd get home from work and if she wasn't in the living room, I'd run towards the bathroom to catch her...but somehow always missed her. It wasn't until a couple years into marriage that I caught her and that was an awesome day.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:22:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was sleeping over at my girlfriend's house - I think we were 16 or 17. Her parents weren't supposed to come home, but they did.
So I hid in her room, in her closet while her dad came to talk to her. I stayed in there while they all had dinner together, then we fucked on the sly and I examined my options.
I couldn't leave because her room was in the back of the fucking apartment, and to get to the front door I'd need to walk by the living room where her parents were watching TV.
This was one of those old-style Parisian apartments that are all open everywhere to let the light in. Nowhere to hide.
So I was like, whelp I guess I'm sleeping over, or at least I gotta wait till her parents go to sleep and then sneak out without waking them.
Problem is, I start to get this pressing urge to shit. I can't hold it in.
The bathroom didn't have a toilet, just a bathtub and sink. There was a separate toilet room (another feature of those old Parisian apartments), but to reach it I'd also have to walk by the living room where her parents were.
So I told my girlfriend, "if you love me you'll go watch TV with your parents and never ask me what happened during the next 10 minutes."
I snuck out to the only room I could reach without revealing my presence: the kitchen. I grabbed a saucepan and I took a huge shit in it, and then I threw it (the shit) out the window of my girlfriend's room, and quickly rinced the saucepan.
She comes back and all's well, we have a good talk and then her dad knocks on the door so I hide again.
Apparently, he saw something weird going on from the living room window and wanted to check something. So he opens the bedroom window and whaddayaknow, my turd had gotten caught on the roof tiles and was just lying there, staring the old man in the face.
They never solved the mystery of the unknown roof-shitter, but I could never again relax my anus in the presence of that girl and we eventually broke up.
Matt2486 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:28:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time i pooped at my ex-gf's apartment i told her, "i uh....i need to go...do my taxes. I'll be back."
From there on out, anytime i'd go to the bathroom. "Doing your taxes?"
You're damn right i was.
justhere4thiss ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:19:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol reminds me of when a old bf of mine I guess didnt want me to know he farted early on in the relationship. One day I left the room and 30 seconds later I heard a loud fart come from his room. I should have been the nice girlfriend and pretended I didnโt hear, but instead i bursted out laughing and said I heard that.
pimpnastie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:31:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it's not me but... my sister... clogged her boyfriends toilet in his new apartment. He didn't have a plunger. She used her hands to scoop the poop out of the way to let it drain. She told me to never tell anyone. Eh.
__worldpeace ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:01:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My best friend is so weird about pooping. She used to date this guy for about 2-3 years in college. When she stayed at his house (very often), she would go to the gas station down the street just to poop.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend shamelessly farted in front of me the second time we ever hung out.
CirceHorizonWalker ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:39:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait....you are a guy, yes? I thought only girls held in farts and poop to pull the wool over their bfs eyes that only sugar and spice ever came out of us. Of course when you come from my family that had regular burping and farting contests at the kitchen table; as well as stories of totally grossing people out and making them gag on your farts, well....I am not shy about that. Except in my D&D group. Omg itโs all guys except me and thatโs the way I like it and they never burp or fart.....I mean...come on...I guess itโs gonna be me โrole playingโ my cleric have some rotten egg farts or something.
sheikd ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:48:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend stayed with my family on our vacation and I didn't poop for like 5 days because of it. I finally just was like "I GOTTA SHAVE SO I'M GONNA BE AWHILE IN THE SHOWER BYE"
I feel like an important note is that we had been dating for 5 months and we were both 18 so it's not like we're 24 year olds in a long term relationship
skiier862 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:50:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when I went camping with my girlfriend. I drank a massive amount of beer and liquor so the next morning I had to make multiple liquid diarrhea runs to the bathroom. Well she decided to go with me one of the times. And conveniently the janitor was in the men's room cleaning the bathroom. So he says "if you two know each other, you can both just go into the ladies room". She picked the stall next to me. Took much effort to explode that hot liquid shit out of my ass in the least violent way.
Caillend ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:07:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents have this awesome story about farting. First time she stayed over...he held it in until late at night...he was probably real awkward at that point...
So my mom asks him, what it is. He explained that he was too embarrassed. A second later my mom let out a good one...so did my dad and they are still married after 35 years.
They will know anyway.
4O4N0TF0UND ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:54:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a good idea. The first time I came over to his place, I clogged my future husband's toilet. He didn't have a plunger.
Now he owns a plunger. It's important, folks!
Ihavegoodworkethic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:56:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once didn't shit for 2 weeks at basic training
TuckerSwag420 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:56:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try holding it for an entire week because you are strong af
DrHaggans ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:57:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my camp in 7th grade we were in a canoeing trip staying on sandbars and I donโt think I pooped at one point for like 4 or 5 days
SloppySynapses ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:45:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear I'm the only person who would shit their pants after 3 hours of not being able to shit. how do you hold it in?
Knew_Religion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:13:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, I went out to lunch with my GF and her dad. When we got back to their house I had to shit so bad, but their house was tiny. Like 1000sq ft or fewer. So I thought up my best excuse to leave for a few minutes, "I need to go change my pants." I drove about a mile away, pulled over and shit in the woods.
Shloppins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have went for a coffee drive..
finallyinfinite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:08:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this as a kid, but only because I clogged the toilet almost every time and I hated it. Hated having to plunge it. I would hold it until I couldn't anymore, which, in hind sight, contributed to the vicious cycle.
Hrynkat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:23:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I try to prevent this sort of thing by making a poop joke as soon as possible, like if they obviously just pee for 3 seconds I say "have a nice poop?" I feel like it breaks the tension via the humor train and makes everyone feel a bit more comfortable?
DrPilkington ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this.
I'm 38.
abrokensheep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I'm in a new place my anus just dries up for like three days. Also when I was little I regularly went like 4 or 5 without pooping, then released a nuclear shit-rock and clogged the toilet without fail.
R3d_Kamel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My brother used to do this kind of stuff with his exes. Never understood it. Now he's married to a woman who also poops so it's all good
ChivalrousBasterd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was still just dating my wife, I was staying with her at her parents once. The bathroom was in the main hallway between the bedrooms and the living room. Lots of back and forth traffic. I discovered it's easier to turn on the fan (if you're lucky enough to have one) and turn on the shower for the morning poop. Poop quick, shower quick, then you're in there for medium-ish time and the smell manages to clear out by the time you're done. No one was the wiser.
kaleidoscopic_prism ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my ex?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:38:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to skate camp in middles school, didn't shit for the whole week I was there.
Kriddel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I did that for the first few months of dating my boyfriend. Glad that phase is over.
Nightrabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a boyfriend who did this for three years straight.
CheziktheStrong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, you people give me nightmares.
Papariko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fact that you have a choice makes you a super hero in my eyes.
Pollux319 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went on a snowboarding trip with a bf and his friends and I would strategically plan how I would poop without them knowing. I had always made up excuses to go down to the lobby so I could use the restroom there.
Vitpat8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can top this hard. When I was around 12 I went to some camp a super large church my parents went there was doing. They basically forced me to go but I didnโt care too much. But they crowded like 12 kids into each room which only had one bathroom, with no lock, that had a sign on it saying it clogs easily. The first day the kids I got stuck with were opening the door on other kids and making stupid jokes. Not knowing any of them, I was immediately super hesitant on interacting with any of them, so I kept to myself and was glad I did, but now I was way to shy to use the bathroom. I thought about doing it in the middle of the night but the beds were creaky and I was on top of one the bunk beds, so in my head I risked waking everybody up. Because of this, I held in having to crap for the 5 days camp lasted. At the end we were waiting for the bus to come and it was already like an hour and a half late, so I decided to look for a bathroom with no one around. Well while I was looking the bus finally came and they had to come find me, so I ended up having to get on the bus and get a seat with everybody staring at me. Thankfully they played some movie to keep me occupied. To this day I have no idea how I went that long without at least crapping my pants.
lutrewan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First night staying at my new gfs place, I had to poop real bad. Ended up clogging the toilet. We had to go out to buy a plunger. I think being backed up for days would have been preferable.
Sigilus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like that would warrant a visit to the ER or some shit for holding it in for that long
WTFisJayRad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in Elementary school, I absolutely hated public bathrooms and would never trust sitting on the toilets and so every time that I had to poop, I would hold it in until I got home. I did this several times and got increasingly blocked up and ended up holding in my load for 14 days straight.
ThreepwoodMac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once told my new boyfriend I had to get something from the store, and then left his house just to poop in a nearby cafรฉ.
Rikolas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mannn, I learnt to do things like "hey, check out this 50 second youtube clip real quick, I'll just go pee" and leg it into the bathroom, force that shit out, hope to god it's a quick 2 wiper". Flush. Wash hands at speed of light. Dry. Then re enter and hope they have only just finished the clip.
Secretlysidhe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend admitted to doing this! He only came over on the weekends, but wouldn't poop. He'd apparently wait until he got home on Sunday night and spend all evening in the bathroom. So much so, it became a joke between him and his sister.
Bamb0oM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My ex-girlfriend used to go and "get us some coffee". She would just go across the street and do it at Costa Coffee or Starbucks. I on the other hand I would just go occasionally into the other room to fart. For pooping I would try and do whatever I could in a few milliseconds when I entered the toilet to not make any noise or smell the WC. Oh fun times, I miss her.
0_NvMi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha I did this whenever I stayed at my gf parents until I had a dodgy stomach , all good , finished the business 2am or something and my phone decides to belt out spice girls stop right now waking the whole house up, franticly trying to turn the stupid Facebook video off...emma why does your boyfriend like spice girls so much, hes 27 :-(
MrRieper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:27:33 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the same thing when I visit my grandfather's, although that's just because his toilet's needed fixing for about a decade.
argregg390 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:33 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in that awkward stage with my current interest. He's more comfortable pooping at my apartment while we're together than I am.
joeimay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:04 on October 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is where poo pourri comes in to save the day. I did this for a year though every time I'd visit my boyfriend at his house (still lived with his parents) I physically couldn't poo.... got to a point where my body wouldn't even feel the need to poo... until I was 5 mins from my house. Then the stomach pains would set in and I'd go hot and cold all over. Happy to say I've gotten over that now and can go anytime... with the introduction of poo pourri that is
MusicTravelWild ยท 7373 points ยท Posted at 18:03:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is embarassing, but the best stories usually are.....
My first week as a freshman at a Catholic highschool.. It is all so new to me. I had to adhere to a dress code which ment pastel button down shirt, khaki pants, belt, tucked in, tie, blazer, etc.... I am sitting in math class zoning out and thinking about cute girls in my grade when I hear my name called. "Would you like to do this proof on the board?" ...Like I had a fucking choice. Normally this is a non issue but I look down after snapping out of my daydream and notice I have a massive erection. Now as a newcomer to Catholic school education, I had yet to learn the classic waistband tuck technique, so in an effort to buy time, I reluctantly started moving at absolute half of a half of a snail's pace. Now another unfortunate side effect of being in the first week of freshman year, no one knows anyone.SO everyone is looking at each other like "who the fuck is this weird turtle guy?". I am not exaggerating when I say it took a full 45 seconds for me to fully stand up from my desk in the second row. I proceed to hunchback towards the blackboard bent over enough to hide the tent I was pitching from my bitchof a teacher and the entire class. I painstakingly work my way through the proof and thinking what is more of a boner killer than algebra, hoped that it would have gone away but alas no...it was still flying at full staff. So I bend over even lower like a 90 year old geriatric with chronic back problems and waddle my way to my desk and stupidly put too much force on the top of the top heavy desk when I get to it, consequently toppling the desk and myself over and falling to the ground. the whole class laughs at this weirdo with a massive boner on the ground under a desk. It would have actually have been less awkward for me to say "Teacher I have a massive erection right now there is no way in fuck I am standing up to do that problem".
TL:DR Got called up in Math class to do a problem on the board while trying to hide a massive random boner
Edit: Holy pancakes I got gold for this...thank you mysterious benefactor!!!
dabenben ยท 2191 points ยท Posted at 18:53:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is too much for me oh Jesus
525600Pepes ยท 137 points ยท Posted at 20:44:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm almost sweating from laughing so hard.
sassy_turtle ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 22:54:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the funniest fcking thing I've read in a while. I'm cringing, laughing and crying
AtTheRink ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 00:38:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah this is one of the few times Iโve aduibly laughed at a thread. Probably cause we all relate too well
bryanofeaston ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 01:21:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this thread I have found my people. I wish we could all meet up together. It would be so very awkward.
SnakeFooley ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 23:10:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sitting at a bar by myself currently, laughing so hard people are looking, and the bartenders don't know what to think.
Jedeo ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:21:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha my fucking sides XD
Spiekie ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:02:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god yes
king_of_da_burgerz ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 00:28:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very aggressively blowing air from my nose at this thread.
Blebonick ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:20:45 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on a packed train crying with laughter
RudeCats ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:41:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I keep dropping my phone on myself in bed cause my arms just go weak with laughter
TalisFletcher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:55:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laughing 100 times burns as many calories as 10min on an exercise bicycle.
No_Velociraptors_Plz ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:34:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus was nowhere to be found at that point.
fixxmyygrammarr ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 22:32:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Between this and the girl who kicked her binder contents everywhere, I'm in fucking tears.
nb00288 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:21:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the hardest Iโve laughed reading a thread in about a year. Holy shit Iโm dying on a packed train.
FertileForefinger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:53:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't stop
helpagirlout101 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:02:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My ribs are hurting from laughing so much
misterygames529 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:52:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have been banned from our Christian Minecraft server
TGrady902 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:32:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one for the history books right here. I've never laughed this much reading Reddit.
Protistas ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those elipses are too much for me Jesus....
dichnasty69 ยท 1180 points ยท Posted at 19:54:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm at work right now and this had me laughing so hard that I to do something to take my mind off of it. The only thing I could think of that would work was to make myself sad, so I paid my electric bill. It didn't work... I'm still laughing.
CaptainUnusual ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 21:15:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can pay some of mine, too, if you think that might help.
Ladycrawforde ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 21:27:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love the moments when I'm at work on the customer service desk and I have to close the window and walk away from the desk to calm my maniacal, silent laughter.
MeInMyMind ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:59:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to contain my laughter once in the office, but it came out between pursed lips. My boss thought I was crying.
To be fair, who wouldn't laugh at the question: "Who would win? 1 billion armored tigers, or the Sun?"
izPanda ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:30:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
swans can be gay too
GaySwansMakeMeCry ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 23:31:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
เฒฅ๏นเฒฅ
CabbagePastrami ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:51:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck?
I'm scrolling up to see if izpanda saw ur name earlier but it really looks like there's a username for every comment however random.
FreeWilley ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:58:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually a reference from an adorable video that made the rounds a while ago!
AlwaysSupport ยท 121 points ยท Posted at 21:42:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teacher: "MusicTravelWild, would you like to do this proof on the board?"
MusicTravelWild: "Oh, God, I'd love to!"
MusicTravelWild jumps up and runs to the board with a massive erection. Teacher never again asks him to do a proof on the board.
lifesmaash ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 21:40:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me often in middle school but the worst time was freshman year of hs at a house party my hs senior sister and i threw. I was in the bathroom with a girl hugging (literally just hugging) and we could hear a bunch of my stupid friends outside the door giggling and shit so of course she opens the door and i proceed to get down on all four and crawl out of the bathroom into a group of 15 or so asshole highschoolers. At my own party.
The dumbest part is it was not an awkward time for an erection.
Mooide ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 20:25:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was a fucking hilarious read.
Picard2331 ยท 418 points ยท Posted at 19:50:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh don't you worry, I have something like this First day of the advanced math class I got put in for the grade above me, super nervous and was wearing basketball shorts....had a massive hard on and the teacher called me up to the desk. Did I try to hide it and be sneaky? No I fucking JOGGED TO THE DESK, dick a swingin while everyone laughed. Kill me now. There was also the time in gym where a buddy of mine went to pants me but got the underwear too, ended up flashing like 6 cute girls. He was probably more embarrassed than I was (I'm quite proud of my junk).
MusicTravelWild ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 20:01:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
atleast you owned it...I tried and failed to be discreet... I am proud of my junk though!
BrainWrex ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 21:20:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some kid i knew in Highschool spiked this one other kids drink with a viagra pill right before gym class. Dude had to sit in the corner the whole class trying to hide a raging boner while all of us already knew what was going on. Funny
boltzman111 ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 22:34:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super dangerous for anyone with heart problems.
BrainWrex ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:04:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TRUE, but highschool kids dont think of those kinds of things lol
LoveisaNewfie ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:50:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A guy I went to high school with purposely took viagra at the beginning of the day, while wearing sweatpants, so he could purposely walk around with a super obvious boner.
ronswansun ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:43:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok that first one is a power move for sure
JaxxedUp ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:02:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fucking sitting in a parking lot, windows down, stifling chortles over this shit as people walk to their cars. Too good!
Hokie23aa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:59:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Helicopter dick, literally.
TatteredUser1138 ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 21:01:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar happened to a friend of mine in 6th grade, but itโs far worse.
Presentation day for a project weโd spent a week on. My friend, weโll call him max, was soon to go up. He had a raging erection that wouldnโt go away. Even worse, he was in very loose pants and the desk of the girl heโd like for a year and a half was right in front of where he was going to be standing.
He didnโt know what to do, he was talking to our other friend trying to figure it out and giving me nervous looks. Our friend used some creative hand signals to describe what was happening. Wouldnโt go away, and he didnโt have time to cover it up or go deal with it.
With the group going during this nearing the end, he remembered something his oldest brother once told him, that max didnโt know was a joke. His brother had said that bending your penis would make an erection go away. He was still very concerned though, as thatโs not a natural feeling.
He looked at our friend, then looked at me. To this day, I have never seen such a look of fear and concern in anotherโs eyes. He reached down and started to bend it... and it snapped. He broke his own dick.
A stifled whimper escaped him, confusing some of the other students. He sat there, holding back tears, as our teacher called him and out friend up for the presentation. Everything heโd prepared was forgotten, and he could barely talk. But they got through it. Didnโt get a good grade, but they got through it.
He pissed blood for a bit and had to get it checked out. Itโs fine now, though it is still bent a little bit.
TL;DR: buddy broke his dick trying to make an erection go away
fartsAndEggs ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 23:28:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How often do you see this dudes dick to know it's still bent to this day?
TatteredUser1138 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:24:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heโs one of my best friends, and the story is still told every now and then. Details like that are shared
superfatwombat ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 22:24:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear god.
CabbagePastrami ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:58:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet Jesus I can't go on any further in this thread I think I'll have a heart attack
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:44:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. This canโt be real. Nope.
TatteredUser1138 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:24:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs very real
Ulti ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:45:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fucking NO!
Pozla ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:26:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg
djairy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:19:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was flexing a big muscle group to make it go away not known yet!?
CoffeeNut98 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:50:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait you can do that?!
I usually just thought about math or something since all that work in the big head tends to drain the blood out of the little one ;)
scottyis_blunt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always think of my exes parents. Works perfectly to get me out of any good mood.
TatteredUser1138 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:24:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope
sprywonderdog ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 21:24:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to resist the urge to laugh out loud so hard in the middle of my 100 person philosophy lecture, good fucking shit
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 22:21:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading stuff like this makes me really feel for guys in school. Unexpected boners are like the female version of periods leaking.
MusicTravelWild ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 22:28:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
honestly dont feel too bad I think women have it worse for sure
BigBlackDonovan69 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:35:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's less frequent but more intense
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:56:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In other situationals for sure, but in high school ive definitely seen way more guys get ridiculously embarassed than girls.
MusicTravelWild ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:08:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it is funny to get embarrassed by things that happen to every person when you think about it...but all you can think about while it is happening is "my life is over"
KennyFulgencio ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
imagine if the way to hide period leakage involved (somehow) twisting your uterus closed... but you twisted too hard and it tore completely off of the vagina
CabbagePastrami ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:59:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeh I'd rather not imagine that but thanks anyway...
abigurl1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of when a friend of mine back in high school decided to wear this โsuper cuteโ outfit (including a white skirt) on a day she thought she might get her period. She didnโt end up getting it that day, but boy did she freak out when another girl whoโd overheard joked that something was dripping down her leg!
Whirlyburdd ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 20:34:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. Thank you so much for that. Well done.
MusicTravelWild ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 20:55:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my pleasure! what is the point of being awkward if you cant laugh about it right??
[deleted] ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 21:31:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MusicTravelWild ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 22:01:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
your teacher is a bro and a half...that sounds like my nightmare I already hate giving presentations as it is.
Anon66087 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:56:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:01:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JUST HOLD YOUR BREATH MATE! or if the situation calls for it.....go for the seppuku nut punch.
bosox9 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 19:51:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG this was hilarious.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:26:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
bzztmachine ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:15:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So far I've laughed out loud around 3 times on reddit stories but this made me cry laughing
chrisslypuff ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 20:11:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was so vivid. I feel like I was there.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:28:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost choked on my own saliva laughing at this.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:06:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao
aliensporebomb ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:36:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God! This is HYSTERICAL! You should have someone re-enact it for a comedy sketch, brilliant!
MusicTravelWild ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:41:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to be a comedy writer...I wouldn't have to be talented or creative even just painfully recall the cringe
greenpuddles ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:54:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm wheezing at work. Thank you.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:03:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this made me laugh soo hard thank you
couchpotatoamerican ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:20:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg I needed this laugh. I have literal tears in my eyes!
RoundishSquares ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:49:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was literally howling at my computer screen and was asked to read what was so funny out loud to my colleagues.
I couldn't even say two words at a time without laughing to myself and having tears stream down my face.
All they said at the end was "haha, good joke." "Wait. That actually happened to someone?!?!?!".
sworththebold ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:29:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh this happened to me! I was doing the classroom portion of military flight school, and for that first week or two we had to wear a uniform that consisted of khaki pants and a tucked in shirt. The classes were last night interesting, so I was fighting sleep the whole time.
When it came time for a break, I stood up and turned around and noticed two relatively attractive female flight school students seated behind me. Oddly enough, they were both looking at my crotch (yes, there are attractive girls in the military). I looked down to see that I had a full erection clearly outlined against the tight fabric of my khakis. Mortified, I quickly turned and walked out of the classroom, folding my hands in front of my body in an effort to hide my shame.
I was of course too embarrassed to talk to either of them for pretty much the duration of the class. Which was silly, because after the break one of the girls smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. Still embarrassed, I mumbled pleasantry and turned back to my work. Thinking back on it, I guess maybe she liked what she saw?
Beekerboogirl ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:34:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Weird turtle guy." I can't stop laughing
Spritesopink ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:22:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck man I think this must be a rite of passage for any male living through high school.
itsmccurvy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:25:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The imagery in this is absolutely hilarious. ๐น
victormoses ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:20:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funniest thing I have read in a long time, god damn.
Squirrleyd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:48:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hilarious, but I never understand when people don't know the waistband tuck. I never had to learn it, as long as I remember when I got an erection I would put it in my waistband, like some prepubescent instinct
MusicTravelWild ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:53:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha I had no idea...before I could just cover it with a baggy shirt or sweatshirt or something...but when you are neatly tucked in with khakis on and a belt, there is no stopping it..."schoolboy tuck" is a lifesaver though
Abstracted_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:43:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm laughing so hard picturing this.
Gymbawbi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:23:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey you know what's funny? walking like a gorilla
GauchoLyfe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:43:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading this in lecture and cannot stop laughing. What a great story.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:22:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think all dudes have been there my man, especially us in Catholic schools - the girls all had to wear skirts and of course most of them are pulled up to the size of a belt.
I did the same as you once but without falling through my desk. Figured out the ol' waistband technique pretty quickly. There's also the hand in the pocket (holding the boner) and the cut a hole in your pocket so it's held on place (or you can play with it, whatever).
strengthof10interns ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 15:58:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a buddy in HS who thought he was a genius with the whole waistband flip up. That was until they were going over directions in French class and kids had to go up in front of the class and the teacher would say right, left, up, and down in french and you had to point in the correct direction.
So he's in class, rockin' a stiffy, and knows he is about to get called. He pulls the ol waistband trick and walks to the front of the class, cool as a cucumber. It's going really well until the teacher said up, and being a bit of a class clown, my buddy uses both hands, raises his arms and points straight up.
He didn't realize how short his shirt fell that day so when he did this , it rose to about belly button height clearly exposing the tip for the whole class to see. There was some gasping, whispering, and eventually my friend sat back down wanting to kill himself.
AlmightyStarfire ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahahahaja that's fricking himatious and totally something I can see myself doing1
carverthekid ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:00:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is fucking hilarious but this is just it
mEYEndfulTrading ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:56:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmfao! awesome ty for making me laugh
hoo321 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:37:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
im crying at this! freaking hilarious!
Schwiliinker ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:39:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has def happened to me during a presentation and I just held my boner in my pocket with my left hand and had to keep it there for 10+ minutes. It was noticeable and I had to make obvious efforts to keep it in place. Due to attractive girls in the proximity it didn't calm down the entire time
Most_Juan_Ted ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:27:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally pissed myself
MissChandlerBong ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:32:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the funniest fucking thing ive read in a looong time. I am crying. Thank you
MirandaD123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:24:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THIS is the best one. I almost cried reading this.
ERR0RR ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:50:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been reading this thread for far too long and I have no idea how I'm still finding things that make me laugh so hard I cry. Maybe this one resonates too much.
DREBIN365 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:16:51 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have my family wondering why I'm laughing so incredibly hard in the bathroom right now
FeatheredSun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:36:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's even worse is that, at the end, no one actually could see your erection.
Leafy81 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:40:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High school was awful for me because of the normal self conscious mind fuckery that most kids that age have plus bad social anxiety. But I am so thankful that I never had to worry about hiding an awkward random boner.
On a side note, is awkward spelled correctly? It just looks weird.
MusicTravelWild ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:45:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking the same thing hahaha...I was like "there cant possible be two w's that would just be.......awkward.
Leafy81 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:00:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I looked it up and I'm still not convinced that its spelled like that.
tacoguy1234 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:55:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last sentence omfg hahahahahahaha. Good story.
PM_ME_GAY_FURRY ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:11:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO
Mamamia520 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:25:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was just beautifully written hahah dying!
philfix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:45:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess that was a bonerfactor, not a benefactor!!
AnthonyDidge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I snorted when I got to the desk part.
lucy_the_ewok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:02:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm sorry for laughing so hard. Haha!
bzztmachine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm at work and I'm tearing up holding my laughter. Thank you for this
Secret4gentMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:24:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm dying of laughter in the teacher's staff room after reading this.
The-false-being26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:37:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy hell I am dying of laughter p.
lirrsucks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Thank you and your random boner in your math class.
TheJackFroster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck me. Please tell me you left that school immediately.
MusicTravelWild ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:07:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was there all four years
TheJackFroster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did people always bring it back up? My god that teacher must tell that horror story to students to this day.
MusicTravelWild ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:23:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope they dont hahha.. No one ever mentioned it to me again surprisingly but maybe they just felt bad for "turtle kid with a boner"
throwawaylolna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:27:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mysterious bonerfactor!!!
ftfy
Jac0b777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:13 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, you win, I'm crying from laughter imagining what was happening. I'm saving this.
The way you wrote it was fantastic, so visual.
Swindleys ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:20 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Tears in my eyes at work, have to hide laughter from my colleagues!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:35:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to wear khakis every day in middle school and high school too.
To make things worse, my 9th grade home room teacher was a fucking dime piece with the juiciest apple bottom ass.
Fuck Khaki pants.
MusicTravelWild ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:59:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The worst part is having to be tucked in at all times...aint no hiding anything !!
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's been awhile since someone got me to snort from laughter and grasp for air... Holy shit it's relatable too. Everyone's been there. Except I always wore sweatpants so it was worse. There was one time I was in Math class and was sleeping, got called down to the Nurse's for a colorblind test. (It was 9th grade and I was in a 10th grade math class wearing cargo shorts with a belt) only I didn't have a boner, just my belt was too long for me and I didn't tuck it in so underneath my sweatshirt was my belt simulating a boner. I get up and boldly walk out and don't notice until half way down to the nurse's office. I came back to class with it fixed and sophmore girls with smiles fixated on me. All in all not a bad experience.
Oxynou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this is my worst nightmare
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but was it truly massive? Do you use that word to describe it in normal polite conversation about your member? I feel like there may be a chance that a truly massive rod would have given the confidence to wave that flagpole freely. Massive.
MusicTravelWild ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when do I have polite normal conversations about my member?
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I assume at fancy dinner parties or in a quiet theater. As one does. Mine is somewhat less than massive and not spoken of in such places or with such adjectives. This is fun.
MusicTravelWild ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh yes quiet theaters....the perfect opportunity to tell everyone I have a massive pants missile!
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fine. Corner Bodegas on a stop for smokes? Runway fashion shows? During mass in a seemingly Unitarian church, but for some reason has hunting trophies and pictures of fish on every surface? Shaking off the last droplet while staring deeply into the eyes of the "man " at the next urinal who sounds less like a horse and more like a hummingbird relieving itself. Polite conversation can be had anywhere about penis size.
MusicTravelWild ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:10:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have heard it is one of, if not the most polite topics one can have. The queen of England often greets foreign dignitaries with "Hows the old horse-cock doing these days?"
spluge96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also I believe "massive baloney pony" is becoming the preferred nomenclature.
MusicTravelWild ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a small bedside calendar with the "word-of-the-day" except all of the words refer to unique ways to rename your "unholy wizard staff"
erco29 ยท 16392 points ยท Posted at 16:37:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really bad at conversations with strangers when I can't hear them well.
Person: "Where's the washroom?"
Me: "Pardon?"
Person: "Where's the washroom?"
Me: "Haha yeah"
Person: "No No, do you know where the washroom is?"
Me: "Oh haha"
Person: "Nevermind..."
DreddMau5 ยท 5650 points ยท Posted at 17:38:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate myself every time.
twospooky ยท 2138 points ยท Posted at 19:14:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ftfy
REVOofRustler ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 20:04:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every of the time
TheSavior666 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 20:24:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/me_irl
StarKing15 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:39:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too thanks
[deleted] ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 22:20:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NarcosNeedSleep ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:17:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always been really impressed with your talent for coming up with poems, but I also wanted to tell you what a wonderful person you are. You really add so much to so many parts of Reddit. Thanks for being fantastic. โค๏ธ
Delinquent_ ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:52:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which account was it? Gone now
twospooky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He wrote some poem about it getting better.
NarcosNeedSleep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poem for your spring. I can't remember how the username is stylized though.
gonzo46and2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:12:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has to be one of my favorites. Short and sweet.
twospooky ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:20:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, thanks I'm cured. I know you're just trying to be nice.
Gabbster19 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:30:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a wholesome one. I dig it.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:52:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/meirl
thelonelywolf17 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've hated myself my whole life
chalupa_bat-man ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:13:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too thanks
MarilynMonroeVWade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IHMS&WtD
iEpidemics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:07:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy lifes.
telegetoutmyway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:10:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh haha!
Quarterpound0 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:32:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that, fuck you.
Barrsto ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:19:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that fuck you
kakawaka1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:11:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God, thanks for reminding me of this feeling. I didn't want to sleep tonight anyway
theTIDEisRISING ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:14:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've mastered the ole 'throw my hands up in the air and look up' every time I do this too
white_android ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just take a second to think about what they might have said squint your eyes and be like "I just don't know what the fuck you're saying"
charzard14 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:25:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pardon?
The_Immoral_God ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:56:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yeah
mr_kindface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:08:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me too thanks
ShortBusBully ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about when you try and play it off like you heard the last bit of what they said, then they do that awkward stare at you as if they were expecting a more accurate response than you gave. Like fuck I've already dug myself this deep, would walking away be okay...
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hello
darknessself loathing my old friendmeelg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cri evrytiem
BullGooseLooney904 ยท 1608 points ยท Posted at 17:39:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I call that the ole "smile, laugh, and nod" reaction. Definitely a go-to move when you can't hear what someone's saying.
AlexOverby ยท 1336 points ยท Posted at 20:00:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"My wife left me, my kids hate me, my dog ran away, and my house is being foreclosed."
smiles, laughs, nods
hyper_vigilant ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 20:09:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly deaf in right ear with tinnitus, have done this several times. Not fun.
Capn_Barboza ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:29:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at least you have an excuse I often times just trail off in thoughts while people are talking to me.
Sataris ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:38:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have some unfortunate friends
hyper_vigilant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If only you knew
Red_Otaku ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:37:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strangers tell you this kinda shit?
RX_queen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:32:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like you haven't been a cashier.... i hear things like this on the daily
hyper_vigilant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I try to be friendly, sometimes it backfires.
NetherNarwhal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not relevant user name
Drakillya ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:03:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone told me something something dog and she looked sad I said "aww that's rough" and then realized she said her dog had died that day and I fucking responded with a pun. That's ruff. Ughhh
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:19:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
PrettyOddWoman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:51:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whatever dude, why is she confiding in a random stranger about that anyways? Especially somewhere where you have to scream to be heard and that barely works.
therealtechnird ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:08:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a country song?
Super_Pan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:33:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just play the record backwards and you get all your stuff back
Michaiahjoy22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:04:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also the go to when your a bartender and you don't wanna talk to a regular for 2 hours lol
3PinkPotatoes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and then the next thing you know you are wearing an awful pirate shirt on national television...
GameOnDevin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha that's awesome.
BakulaSelleck92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Haha I know right?"
Naganofagano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actual did this to a customer when he told me his house was broken into and shit got stolen. He was a mumbler and I just said "oh that's nice". A little more into I realised what he was talking about and I just said I thought he said something else.
LuvMeTendieLuvMeTrue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quietly speaking coworker reading the news: "there's been a mass shooting in Belgium"
Me: "Nice!" and a big grin
True story ._.
briNo64 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:10:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This doesn't always work. When I was a cashier, I asked a man to repeat himself 3 times. After the third time he said it again and chuckled a bit. I still didn't hear him so I smiled, nodded, and chuckled a bit myself. He gave me the meanest look and said "What is so funny?" Didn't make eye contact for the rest of the transaction
BullGooseLooney904 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:18:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, it definitely doesn't always work. In fact, I'd wager that if rarely, if ever, works. Can't help but do it though.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:29:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Costumer: Can I have a beer, please?
Me: sorry what?
Costumer: Can I have a beer?
Me: A dish?
Costumer: A beer, a beer!!!
Me: Oh yeah sure. In my mind: What the fuck did he say?
z500 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:23:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, yeah, totally dude.
craychel ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:00:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be a cashier at a grocery store and did this "smile, laugh, nod" method after someone said something I didn't understand. He stood there and replied, "you didn't hear what I just said, did you?" I admitted I had not. He then said much more clearly, "I said I'm buying all of this food for a funeral, my Dad just passed away." That's the last time I used that method.
BullGooseLooney904 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:27:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one said it wasnโt risky.
Tf2idlingftw ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:11:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair if someone can't recognize that they just received the smile and nod reaction its equally their bad.
MrLKK ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:46:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also a go-to move when someone's on an insane rant that you don't agree with, but don't care enough to get into an argument. Bonus points for being passive aggressive, "Yeah. Sure, right. I mean, obviously."
PrettyOddWoman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:54:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me when people at work are talking shit about other people (mean), about drama, or their personal lives. Like nope... don't care enough
rinestonecowbitch ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:11:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the worst is when the person talking to you realizes you cant hear them and instead of going with it, they kind of do this look where they roll their eyes and look annoyed
PrettyOddWoman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:52:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? Stop mumbling !! Speak up ! And/ or don't get mad if somebody has hearing problems
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:54:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The guy Iโm training at work talks so quietly and we work in a manufacturing area that requires earplugs. I can only say โwhat?โ so many times a day before I give up and use your method.
tempinator ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:59:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, to be fair it works most of the time. Usually you can tell from their inflection if itโs a question, even if you canโt understand what theyโre saying, and if it isnโt then โsmile and nodโ is a pretty safe bet.
Dawwe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:19:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I know them well my go-to move (when I've given up) is to smile, look them dead in the eye just long enough that it's slightly uncomfortable and then flat out say "I don't have the slightest clue what you just said".
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happened to me with a new co-worker.
Her: some mumbled words
Me: Hahaha yeah
Her: What's funny about me being gay?!?!
Macktologist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you realize they are waiting for feedback and you just got nailed.
donkey_tits ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:06:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy popsicles, people! Just say "could you repeat that?" or "come again?" Its monumentally less awkward. Nobody is going to judge you for not hearing.
SherpaLali ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:13:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have very bad hearing and people do get mad at having to repeat themselves many times. It's usually easier to pretend you heard after a few tries.
PrettyOddWoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do judge and get angry/ annoyed easily for this, especially after being asked to repeat multiple times. Mostly because their dumbass don't even try to change the volume or inflection or anything at all
methAndgatorade ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking hate this.
Just say "I have no idea what you're saying"
dillhen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might be in the wrong thread then
methAndgatorade ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm here because I've asked too many soft-speaking pussies to speak the fuck up so I can understand the words they're shitting of their mouths.
[deleted] ยท 1318 points ยท Posted at 18:07:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Farado ยท 312 points ยท Posted at 18:59:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This kind of thing happens to me too. Usually when Iโm not expecting someone to start talking (e. g. long car ride for work). I miss the start of their first sentence.
On the other end, I speak quietly and often have to be asked to repeat myself. I have gotten the habit of beginning the repeat with, โI said,โ because I know that would help me by โprimingโ my brain for the meaningful words.
[deleted] ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 22:06:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate it when I miss the start of a sentence, and then when I ask the person just repeats the second half. No no, that was the bit I heard!
Forgot-My-Name_again ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 22:52:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Did you hear about the baby elephant that was just born at the zoo?"
"What did you say?"
"The ZOO!"
Right, that is totally helpful, and the important information from your original sentence. :/
Babyrabievaccine ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:16:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband does this.
evilheartemote ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 21:50:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, in elementary school I had a teacher who would straight up yell at me when I added "I said" to the start of a sentence, because she thought I was trying to be sassy.
I wasn't. I was just a very quiet child who also talked very quickly and mumbled (I still do that now, as an adult). Mrs. M, you were a bitch.
Farado ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:28:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, thatโs a worry of mine concerning this habit. I donโt seem to have offended anyone yet, though. ๐ค
Forgot-My-Name_again ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:50:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is wrong with prefacing it with "I said"? It certainly helps me understand you mumblers.
kinetic-passion ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:39:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar experience once in 2nd grade when I happened to have to clear my throat prior to saying something.
The teacher didn't yell at me though, she laughed and said I was being sassy.
I was hurt and confused because I had no idea what that meant / what she was accusing me of doing.
nikooo777 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 22:38:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I speak 5 different languages and one problem i have is "selecting" the right language to listen.
I don't know how to explain it, but if I'm expecting you to speak english and you speak italian I'll have to ask you to repeat because my brain simply won't register. Some friends laugh at me when that happens
awildketchupappeared ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:13:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happens to me a lot at work too. Instead of language, it's terminology. So if someone asks for some product we don't have and I don't expect the question, I usually have to ask my customer to repeat it, as my brain won't register it.
Lanoir97 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I asked for tomorrow off early and asked if I needed to come in early to make up for it. I don't know what he said because the printer went off so I'm just going to show up early and say I got confused if I'm wrong.
oreganopepper ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:58:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me?
Not_Disco_Spider ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:25:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you both Foghorn Leghorn?
doctorfunkerton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:17:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said, i said thats the first thing i thought of too.
lolyidid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this in the mornings. Where my roommate will be trying to talk to me for a while and I just don't register anything he is saying.
Man_gled_dicks ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 21:53:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get people who speak softly. It's just something I honestly can't get my head around.
schnellermeister ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:08:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's interesting, because I have to admit, I don't always get people who talk so loudly (unless maybe they have some hearing loss). I'm standing right here...you don't have to project your voice that much.
I tend to talk quieter because I'm pretty aware of my surroundings and can usually tell when people are listening in.
Marafon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking as someone with significant hearing loss and tinnitus I always feel super guilty when I "yell" at people and I always feel like an ass when I talk to someone who is soft spoken and I can't hear a word they say and I have to ask them to say it again over and over. It's no one's fault but I always feel like I'm making that person feel bad and usually just smile and laugh after the third time. People probably think I'm an idiot.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:42:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel your pain. I have hearing loss in my right ear from an infection I got as a young teen plus I have horrible tinnitus because of it. I know I talk loudly and try to remind myself of it. Not easy.
Man_gled_dicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, yeah. Ideally you want to be somewhere in the middle.
I wasn't insulting you or anything, though. I don't get all the hate I got.
lollipop_ducky_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:18:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, people who suddenly talk to me unexpectedly at a normal voice when we are at a pretty noisy restaurant.. I asked my friend to repeat his statement 5 times and still didn't get what he said ._.
Forgot-My-Name_again ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 22:53:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, as someone who struggles to hear peoples voices, you are the kind of person I hate talking to. Especially when asking them (not you specifically, but just soft spoken people in general) to speak up results in them sheepishly repeating themselves in an even softer voice.
Nomulite ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:01:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, because that's what people with soft-spoken, socially anxious people need. ANOTHER reason to think people hate when they talk.
Forgot-My-Name_again ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 00:15:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When they talk? No. When they mumble, YES!
PrettyOddWoman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:22:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You already said it's your issue / struggle to pick out people's voices? Don't act bitter towards others because of your malfunction
inconsonance ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:17:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom (who I love, and who does not have social anxiety) tends to just respond at the exact same volume with the statement reworded. It takes leaning in ridiculously close and saying, "WHAT?" for her to speak up. I love you, Mama, but for fuck's sake.
PrettyOddWoman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:22:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least she tries to reword it. Most people say the same thing, same volume, same inflection.
Waffles-McGee ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 19:35:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this too. My hearing is fine, but I struggle to process what I hear- especially on the phone, if there is a lot of ambient noise, or even certain tones
somewhatstaid ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:02:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I quit using phones years ago. I might as well be calling a dial up modem for all the good I get out of it. Not to mention the social anxiety the incomprehension triggers...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:43:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you don't even use a cell phone either? Yes I am aware that it's a phone but you know what I mean I hope.
somewhatstaid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's just for texts and internet, I don't call and I don't answer calls.
Fallbback ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 19:20:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Audio processing disorder, I've got it too.
dantestaco ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 19:47:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I have this, but I'd never been able to put a name to it. Thank you. Now I have something to google besides "I can hear perfectly fine but it sounds like people are speaking nonsense." Never got anything worthwhile out of that...
Bigbergice ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:50:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got relevant results by googling "can't understand people say"
Clashin_Creepers ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:24:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I probably have this. I can't watch movies or tv without captions, I look at people's lips when they talk, and I say "what?" far too often.
And dont get me started on phone calls
Fallbback ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate being on the phone and for movies/tv if I can help it I use subtitles
ThatGodCat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:24:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck saaame about the subtitles. And so many people throw a shitfit when you ask for them to put subtitles on when you're watching Netflix or something, it's why I hate watching movies with people. I also have to look at someone's mouth when they speak to process what they're saying sometimes which feels awkward when it's just a casual conversation and they're looking off somewhere and you basically have to stare at them to understand what they're saying.
maryjewannas ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:46:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting... I've always been hearing impaired and wear hearing aids but relate to all this. So you're not hearing impaired, it's just processing issues?
Clashin_Creepers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:26:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, my ears are fine. I just have a lot of trouble telling what people are saying. I'm not saying that I have an auditory processing disorder, since I've never had a doctor look into it or something, but that's certainly the sort of experience I'm having
Fallbback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:39 on October 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, its interesting you say that. After I described all of this to a doctor, she said "Those are normally issues that people with hearing aids have."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have Roku you can use the earbuds.
indianjones564 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:46:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this the same as Wernicke's (receptive) Aphasia? It's something I've read about while studying for the MCAT, but it could be a different disorder.
Fallbback ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:56:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its possible
beltleatherbelt ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:37:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I doubt it
wucslogin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:35:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
maybe
kneading_hiccups ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:29:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah
_miles_to_go_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the OP is describing isn't the same thing as Wernicke's aphasia. Wernicke's is a "fluent aphasia" -- i.e, patients with the condition speak normally, but are unable to comprehend language, whether written or spoken (contrast this with Broca's aphasia, which is an "expressive" aphasia -- patients understand what's being said to them, but are unable to express themselves, so their speech is very broken and is characterized by stop-starts.)
Although Wernicke's aphasia does involve the inability to comprehend speech, what sets it apart from the phenomenon OP is describing is that in Wernicke's aphasia, often both written and spoken speech comprehension are impaired. Additionally, patients with Wernicke's speak fluently and their speech sounds normal, but the actual content of their speech nonsensical and meaningless. This video of a man with Wernicke's aphasia is a good example.
What the OP is describing sounds more like a sensorineural hearing deficit and/or auditory processing disorder. If I had to guess, it sounds kind of like King-Kopetzky syndrome, which is characterized by difficulties understanding speech -- particularly over background noise -- despite normal hearing function per audiometry.
Source: I'm a second-year medical student.
indianjones564 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:30:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I ended up looking it up later and found this out. Aphasia was the first thing that came to mind and seemed like a similar condition. The video was an interesting watch, so thanks for the info!
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:01:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Fallbback ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:03:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning disorder (a high functioning form of autism) they diagnosed me with that as well.
I experience exactly what you're describing.
Spinolio ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 21:56:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What kills me is when somebody says something unintelligible, you ask them to repeat themselves, and they say exactly the same thing at exactly the same volume and cadence, making it just as impossible to understand as the first time they said it.
I didn't say I wasn't listening, MF'er... I said I didn't understand you.
ThatGodCat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:28:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best strategy for this is to just straight up say, hey sorry I have some issues with hearing, could you speak up a little? Doesn't matter whether or not you do have issues, it tells them that they need to be more clear and doesn't make it sound like you're saying they don't know how to use their mouths right. Which they don't.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sometimes say, "I'm sorry. I'm a little hard of hearing. Would you mind repeating that please?"
Spinolio ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why enable them? "Speak clearly, motherfucker! I don't have time for your mumbling..."
ThatGodCat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because if they're mumbling because they're shy, have anxiety, or have a speech impediment you making them feel like shit isn't gonna help anyone.
Spinolio ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't fix their problems. I can fix not being able to understand their attempt at communication. Pause a moment, gather your thoughts, and speak comprehensibly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Write it down on paper!!!
meellodi ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 19:41:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa reading this and another comment made me know that I'm not alone. My mum always said that it's not that there's something wrong with me, just that I should be more attentive.
But no matter what I still can't hear other people properly. I can't even talk to anyone on the phone because it's just a bunch of buzz to me.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:46:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was always accused of not listening. I try to listen but my brain just doesn't get it sometimes.
jfitz1431 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:38:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was just me who has this problem! I even struggle with it while watching movies or tv. I hear sounds coming out of the actors mouths... but sometimes I can't distinguish what the words are. It's mildly annoying in those instances, and really embarrassing when it happens with strangers.
FTorrez81 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:17:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! My mom has a problem with me turning up the TV too loud, when she can hear it perfectly fine on low. Itโs always difficult to explain that I too can hear it fine on low volume, I just canโt understand what the actors are saying.
grapesforducks ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:28:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I prefer to turn on the subtitles while watching TV, that way I can better understand what it's being said, and my bf doesn't have to be blasted with volume or be forced to listen to whatever I'm watching from across the house
eaoue ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:55:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohh I have this too! It's actually starting to make me a bit anxious because it feels like something is wrong with me and my ability to process sensory input in general... It only happens once in a while though, and only with specific 'triggers'. Like, a certain type of flatness or monotony in a voice that is often found in audiobooks, tape recordings, and some Professors' lecturing styles - they make it so that I just completely lose my ability to understand the meaning of the sentences, as if I can only hear one word at a time and never in connection to the surrounding words. I also find it immensely difficult to get directions orally, I cannot spell words out loud in English (I can in my first language though), and struggle with associating words relating to time directly with their meanings (so that if you were to say 'next month', or 'in November', I'll always need to take a moment to mentally think through what month and time period we're in at the moment before assigning value/meaning to the phrase 'next month').
The last bit is a slightly different issue, maybe? I feel like I generally struggle with interpreting sensory input if I'm not able to take my time processing. Also very bad at recognising faces and places and understand spatiality on an abstract level (such as mentally translating an area into a map)....
sorry to unload all of this on you, it's just that I'm struggling with figuring myself out these days, and no one really seems to be taking it seriously. This auditory thing has been one of the biggest mysteries, and I'm happy to see that I'm not alone (though I'm sorry for you having to deal with the same issue).
CorruptedRainbow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:21:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading through all these responses is making me feel like we should start a club. Or join a club. It probably already exists. It's only thanks to these comments that I now know this is a thing that I likely have. I just thought I wasn't paying enough attention all this time
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am imagining a room full of people like us trying to understand what the hell the other people are saying. All we can hear is, "WHAT????"
CorruptedRainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha me too! Though at least we'll all understand why the other person isn't understanding!
eaoue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:29:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha it's the power of Internet, isn't it. Suddenly, we have this way to air out all the strange things going on with our minds and bodies to test whether it's normal or not, and if not, whether we're alone in our abnormalities! :)
CorruptedRainbow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's my favourite thing. I feel so much less alone knowing I'm not the only one!
Astronopolis ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 19:10:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this happens alot to me, I'll hear the sounds but they wont register as coherent words, I dont know if its a learning disability or selective hearing or what.
empress_p ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:22:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Family calls me a space case for this. Unless I concentrate very hard on the conversation, I won't be able to understand what someone says until about 30 seconds after they've said it. UNFORTUNATELY the part of my brain that handles talking is already responding. :|
Weirdly this doesn't happen when watching TV.
q25t ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:38:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looking through this whole comment chain I think TV has the advantage of being primarily focused on people's faces and knowing when people are likely to speak and when they do speak, they're going to do so clearly and without noises in the background that should be distracting.
ParallelMusic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:15 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. This whole thread of the comments describes me perfectly. I'm fine when it comes to watching movies and most phone calls (as long as the person speaks clearly) because I'm concentrating and mentally prepared to focus on what the person is saying.
But when someone starts talking to me without me expecting it I often completely miss all of it. And then my brain is trying to process what they've just said but I can't just sit there and not say anything, so I end up going "what?".
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:06:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone Google this pls and tag me
eyeoxe ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:01:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
central auditory processing disorder
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:03:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh great
WhatBringsMeHere ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:37:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called sensorineural hearing loss and it's a bitch. My brain struggles to "decode" certain sounds/words so I heard you say something without a problem, but What you said is an entirely different matter.
Paying full attention, I hear "I something something heavy" Me: "you don't look heavy!" Friend: "I said I Walk heavy"
SneezingWeezle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:46:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel this, I had a conversation with a co-worker and only picked up certain things and couldn't really understand what he said until I started thinking about it 5 min later and remember hearing gay vibe and something to do with being straight. And I'm not sure if he was saying he was gay and or if he was asking if I was gay and I don't want to ask him about it cause it's been like 3 days. And it would be a weird conversation
Amarabea ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:29:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me a lot. Sometimes I'll say "excuse me?" Really just to give me time to process what was said. My husband is just now getting to the point where he understands and will quietly explain what someone said if I look lost. I explain it to people like when you have a broken speaker and get the buzzing noise just with certain sounds. Some voices and sounds just don't register right.
TK-427 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:48:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for understanding. My wife chooses to just believe I'm constantly ignoring her.
Starsinge ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:06:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have the same issue, I hate that I have hearing/processing problems and have been tested for hearing loss but I'm not bad enough for them to do anything for it so I just sort of try to brush the spiteful comments from co-workers off. The worst part of the harassment is the main cause of the comments, she has a son and the father that both have hearing problems and required surgery and hearing aids for it but heaven forbid I have a problem too.. :\
Caleus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:50:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit im the same way, I think. My hearing is fine but I have trouble understanding when people are talking to me. Its also extremely difficult to understand the lyrics in music. Does anyone know if theres a name or explanation for this?
RubyRed445 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:07:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG lyrics are the worst.
TK-427 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:52:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lyrics are awful. I hear syllables but have to try and piece them into words like a word jumble puzzle. In songs I can make out the lyrics, they only register as words... only when I have the words memorized can I actually process meaning behind them.
For the most part I just listen to the music itself and forget about the lyrics
DeadNotSleeping1010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been struggling with this for years and always thought I was losing my mind since no one I talked to ever had this problem. Especially song lyrics, when the words can be stretched out to the point I can't recognize them.
When I was younger I would listen to songs without ever knowing the lyrics - but I would remember the kind of sounds that were made. As an adult I can repeat the sounds in my head and guess the words... anyway, my point is thank you for sharing and letting me know I'm not crazy.
thechairinfront ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:44:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, I always wondered what was wrong with my hearing. I can hear a noise in a quiet room but it's so damn hard to understand people talking. I've resorted to lip reading most times.
Boatkicker ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:46:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do not have a diagnosis but that sounds unbelievably similar to me. My hearing is FAR above average. But my ability to make sense of the sounds coming out of your mouth.... not so much. I have a hard time having conversations. I don't know what the words to any of my favorite songs are until I look them up. I rely on subtitles when watching movies/TV. All my friends are really into podcasts, and apparently some of them are things I would "really be into" but they are goddamn impossible.
How does one actually find out if they have this disorder, and is there any sort of treatment, therapy or something that I could do to improve on it. (basically, is there even a reason I might want to get this diagnosed)
spacecadetbutts ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:21:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayyy do you have an APD? I have that and it suuuucks. People think I'm an idiot or ignoring them.
Mezziah187 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:39:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've lost 50% of my hearing - about half in both ears, so I don't have a "good side". Context is everything. If you say something to me out of context, I'll be absolutely lost. If it's said in context, I can usually surmise what word was said by what little of it I actually heard. It works ... some of the time? I don't know. I'm sure there are plenty of people who think I'm dumb or rude. Nope, just awkward and very hard of hearing.
RubyRed445 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:08:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like you hear someone speaking English, but suddenly you don't speak English at all.
_ser_kay_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which makes it extra fun when you're living in an area that does not, in fact, have English as the main language. Most people just assume I'm another stupid Anglo who hasn't bothered to learn French, even though I'm a freaking translator. I just... don't process the words sometimes.
Alcoraiden ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:23:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait. Hold the phone. IT HAS A NAME?! I've had problems with this my whole life!
Ronny-the-Rat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could be ADD. Same thing happens to me
SpectralTesla ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me all the time, too! The words just literally don't sound like English, especially if the person has an odd cadence to the way they speak. I just eventually settled on "Sorry, I'm having a hard time processing what you're saying" and people look at me like I'm an alien, but at least they seem to repeat whatever they are saying more slowly/carefully, and that solves the problem.
crazymissyd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am 33 years old and was just diagnosed with this. I went to an audiologist because I thought I was going deaf.
Oddworld- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you ever realize what someone said while they're in the middle of repeating themselves?
sunnyswindler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nate is that you? Dwight's loyal aid, who "doesn't technically have a hearing problem"
TastyPancakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any excuse. I just sit there, lost in reddit while my girlfriend is talking to me and I'm making appropriate noises but not really hearing what she's saying. Then at some point I realize that I'm not following the conversation and turn around and say "what?". Needless to say she is not amused by this.
dichiejr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
same diagnosis!!! ๐๐ haha same diagnosis
jay_wonderland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me all the time, I didn't know it was a thing! Frustrating as hell though
mylivingeulogy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have the same exact issue... People talking too quietly and sometimes too loudly I can catch a word here or there but usually it might as well be giberish.
TK-427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same way. In a busy environment its impossible for me to focus on one sound and ignore the rest. I hear the words... but I hear ALL the words, so it all just gets pushed to static. It makes it very hard to be social at busy bars and usually resulted in me just drinking alone at the bar.
Ruth_Gordon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fellow auditory processing disorder-er. I'll just wave since we won't be able to understand each other.
wickedsweetcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had this issue for years, never heard of APD until your comment. Thanks! Something to look into.
LupusFemme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happens to me too! I also have tinnitus on top of that. If its too loud somewhere, I wonโt understand anything you say so me.
hearinghands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Random, but would sign language do the same thing, or no, it's just language you take in through your ears?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:16:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
hearinghands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool, I assumed that would be the case since it's called auditory processing disorder, but I figured I'd check anyways. Do your friends/family use sign, or can you get by enough on sound that they don't?
DavidRandom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I seem to have this problem, but only when I'm on the phone. I'm constantly asking the person on the other end to repeat themselves. It's not that I can't hear them, their words are coming through loud and clear, I just can't seem to process what they're saying half the time.
Max_Thunder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you get that diagnosed by any hearing specialist, or do you need a doctor or something?
I think I have it; I particularly hate talking on the phone and large meetings where some people mumble and don't properly talk in the mike. However I think it's also that I don't hear as well as I could, because for instance if I watch movie at a theater instead of at home, I don't need the subtitles to hear what is said, because the sound is louder and clearer.
People have all kinds of accents and ways of speaking, whereas when something is written, it is crystal clear. I get frustrated by all this.
Automaticantt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well thank you l, now I know what I have. I've gone 25 years wondering why I hear so shit, but always do great on the hearing test.
Also didn't want to ask anybody because I thought I was the only one, and I didn't want to deal with trying to explain myself and sound like a weirdo and embaress myself in the process.
FelicityLennox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, maybe this is what happens to me. Sometimes I just cannot process words. It's absolutely ridiculous and happens at the weirdest moments. I'll be at the grocery store and the clerk is potentially asking me about my day and I just- "I'm sorry, what did you say?" I usually let it go twice and then if it's the third time I give it up and just nod or smile. Sometimes when they actually need something from me it's even worse because I have to have them say it three or four times and everyone's sick of it. It's especially bad with directions. I'll confuse left with right and fuck everything up.
Is this legitimately a thing?
Lovetofrolic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. I might have this, too. You described that so well. I just started a job and a supervisor has had to repeat himself 3 or 4 times on multiple occasions because I can't understand what he's saying and he's saying it perfectly fine. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm an idiot. Now I'm sad again...
glittermerkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just spent almost an hour reading about this and oh my god. I feel so much better. I'm not crazy.
lobchob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I have Auditory Processing Disorder! I had no idea that it was a thing until I just researched it! 23 years of misunderstanding people and being socially awkward just to find out what it is! Thanks man
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is very interesting and I had no idea there was a name for it. I too have this disorder. My adult son and I used to get into arguments a lot because I misheard him. It happened a lot. He thought I was being stupid and many times he actually said there was something mentally wrong with me. I simply didn't actually hear what he was saying. I heard him talking and I thought I heard what he said but I actually didn't. I just read this: "May process thoughts and ideas slowly and have difficulty explaining them." This is one reason why my son and I had a communication breakdown so often. Because I misheard things my son said, it took me longer to process what he had said to me and he would get impatient and accuse me of not listening. Not only that, when you mishear something, your brain of course isn't going to figure out exactly what had been said so everything turns to shit. Communication is fruitless. I have also noticed that when someone talks fast it takes me a while to figure out what they are saying. Having this disorder is very frustrating.
I also have hearing loss in my right ear from an infection I got as a teenager. This makes things a lot more difficult for me.
ScreamingGordita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, fuck. I should get this checked out.
A lot of people get annoyed when I reply with "what?" Before answering since I clearly heard them and now I think i know why.
Mike-Oxenfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB7N4hcvjm0
seanithanegan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I have this. Thanks for the info.
Giraffeguin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm hard of hearing and this is exactly how I have a hard time with conversations. It's not usually the volume that gives me difficulty but the process. Probably related though in that I don't hear certain sounds so it sounds mumbled to me but clearer to someone else then I have difficulty processing what I heard.
I am terrible at group conversations (and thus I'm not socially inclined) since I spend most of the conversation trying to piece what was being said. When I realize what was said and have a response the subject has long passed and it'd be awkward to interject so I tend to just be silent and then people wonder why I have nothing to add. I try to explain but oh well. Also I've been told I don't say pizza correctly. When I ask them to repeat how it's supposed to sound it sounds exactly how I think I'm saying it so guess that's another side effect...
Babyrabievaccine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:43 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you get diagnosed.
mdds2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:37 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might have something like this. For me it's like my hearing focuses on the wrong thing, like a camera focusing on the background but the subject is all fuzzy. And just forget having things read aloud to me. I won't pick up anything at all from that. My kids get mad when they read me a question from their homework 4 times and I can't give a proper answer. They say I don't pay attention to them :(
Funny_People ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:00 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God, this disorder explains so much!! Like I can hear that noise is coming out of your mouth but when I say I didn't hear I mean I couldn't distinguish those words enough to understand what you're saying!
DadmomAngrypants ยท 118 points ยท Posted at 19:43:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/iRuuNPHgkzs
robclarkson ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:54:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice, beat me to it :)
DrBob666 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 20:15:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ProZD?
bawlzes ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 17:30:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a cousin who was paralyzed from the neck down due to a car crash. I can't always understand her perfectly clear, so sometimes I have to say "mhm" or "Yeah" because I feel bad if I have to keep asking her what she said.
EDIT: A lot of people are apparently calling me out, so I just want to say that A. I have Asperger's Syndrome and I'm not good at socializing in general, and B. I have anxiety.
Trenchft ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:16:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like stutterers or anyone with a difficulty speaking, they'd prefer you ask them to say it again and be clearly understood then you just shine them on. They can tell if you understood or not.
waltermittyslife ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:26:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your cousin knows. It's not always a good thing to do because doing so at the wrong time just shows them that you don't care enough about what they're saying.
bawlzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that I don't care. But I can understand where you're coming from. I suck at socializing in general.
greenpuddles ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 21:35:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a kind person :)
waltermittyslife ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:27:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why? Because OP, out of the kindness of his/her heart, takes the time to pretend to understand a paralyzed person?
I find these kinds of comments incredibly patronizing. Disabled people are people, too. Talking to a disabled person doesn't make you "kind".
honkhonkbeepbeeep ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:43:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. And people with disabilities would actually prefer that you ask them to repeat themselves rather than pretend to understand.
waltermittyslife ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:45:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a hard-of-hearing person, I agree wholeheartedly. Nothing pisses me off more than when people pretend to understand me. And I always, always ask others to repeat themselves.
greenpuddles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:19 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment has been on my head for days.
So after thinking about it I'll say I'm sorry, I saw someone who is doing what I thought was kind thing when another is going through a tough time.
I was thinking of all the times I can't hear people that well and awkwardly force them to repeat themselves a bunch of times and if it would be better to pretend I understood.
I see how it is patronizing and will think before making a comment like this again. Thank you for taking the time to teach me.
bawlzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh I don't know about that. I honestly don't consider myself a very good person, and it's not exactly the right thing to do.
I guess thank you for saying that, but I'm not, really.
justinlaite ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 22:36:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patronizing and insulting. Fuck you for doing that.
Emperorerror ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:36:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said this to the idiot above you and I'll say it to you:
Jesus Christ dude calm down. OP was saying it because he felt bad having to ask over and over, not because thinks he is better than her or something. It's because he doesn't think he's better that he doesn't want to ask her to repeat herself, it's out of respect.
Frankly, you need to get your anger and social comprehension under control.
Husky127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, insult him, surely that will inspire change
bawlzes ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:53:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck is it patronizing and insulting? I don't speak to her in a weird tone, I just feel bad when I have to repeat things. I'm also autistic and I generally have trouble socially in general. So honestly you can go fuck yourself, cause you don't fucking know shit about me, cunt.
justinlaite ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:34:31 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
Cakeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that was patronising* and insulting
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 22:51:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This doesn't make you a cutesy oops-I'm-so-awkward-lol person. You're just a patronizing asshole. Your cousin probably hates you.
Emperorerror ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:35:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ dude calm down. OP was saying it because he felt bad having to ask over and over, not because thinks he is better than her or something. It's because he doesn't think he's better that he doesn't want to ask her to repeat herself, it's out of respect.
Frankly, you need to get your anger and social comprehension under control.
bawlzes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:55:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I'm a "cutesy oops i'm so awkward" person. I just fucking feel bad when I ask her to repeat something. You'd do the fucking same if you were in that situation. I also have Asperger's syndrome and have social problems in general.
You can go fuck yourself, don't fucking assume shit about me, dickhead.
JosefTheFritzl ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:55:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you a ghost writer for Will Smith's rap career?
dieterschaumer ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:55:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRuuNPHgkzs
illustrated
UndeadBread ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:52:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought I had bad hearing, but I've come to realize that my hearing is actually pretty decent. The problem is that I sometimes have trouble understanding what people are saying. Like, I can hear the voice just fine, but it will sound like mumbling. It's not a constant issue, but it happens often enough to be an annoyance. If there is a lot of noise going on, it gets pretty bad. I assume I have Auditory Processing Disorder, but I've never bothered to get tested because it's not something that has a significant impact on my life and it's not like there's a cure for it anyway.
williamd83 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:33:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel even worse if someone else present hears and politely responds to the mumbler for me, as if I'm playing deaf.
fyi it helps me if I try visualizing the mumbling in written phrases, like subtitles. Sometimes what is easily lost aurally can be pieced together in imagined text.
strangebabydog ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:28:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recall back to a dentis appointment in the army: Doctor: "well good morning ssm aall jh den tdy" Me: "Say again, sir?" Doctor: "i said ssmmm chan all chkp tdy" Me realizing its probably nothing so i shouldnt ask him to repeat it again: "eehh hahaha." Doctor: "...thats funny to you?" Me: "oh... no i didnt want to ask again so i just decided to go hehehehhh..." Doctor: "Ah. I said, my name is Captain Chen and I'll be performing your checkup today."
So basically he introduced himself as an officer and i said HA LOL. At his face.
jewmaz ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:29:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Canadian, eh?
erco29 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:00:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah eh
zipel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:26:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pardon?
The_Mighty_Jericha ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:09:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not great at hearing, but I usually get by. What I disliked is when someone is mumbling after every time you say repeat it pardon and then they get mad at you as if you are automatically required to hear their inaudible gibberish. Speak at a decent level, I feel rude having to ask a million times what you're saying.
Korawri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:37:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously speak u people. Also when they mumble something from across the room and you walk towards them asking them to repeat themselves, but they just get quieter because now you're closer.
kreein ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ProZD?
XcuzMe ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:25:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does something for someone Them: Thanks! Me: Thanks!
Someone does something for me Them: You're welcome Me: You're welcome
Beerfarts69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โHappy birthday!โ โThanks, you too!โ
pongo49 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:17:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have very poor hearing. This happens to me all the time. I think my brother mumbles or talks quietly just to mess with me.
mc_kitfox ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:57:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As far as I can tell I have great hearing, but sometimes I wish I was at least partially deaf so I'd at least have an excuse when I ask people to repeat themselves. :(
pongo49 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:39:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
According to my doctor I have great hearing. Maybe it's a focusing issue.
zjohns81 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:16:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a grocery store and was collecting the carts outside when I saw an old coworker who I've worked with while substituting at a different grocery store. I wasn't really interested in talking to him, but I was too polite to just let him know that I can't talk at the moment.
So at the end of him talking, my go-to response was, "Oh well that's really good.." He looked at me with daggers and said, "No, it's not really good, I can't do anything because I just got out of the hospital after having heart surgery, my heart is failing!" "Oh, yea sorry I wasn't paying attention."
I was embarrassed, he was angry.
Wanna get away?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:57:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CorruptedRainbow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too. I feel like my brain needs extra time to process the information. Would be nice if I could work out a way to do it without seeming like an idiot
astrangeone88 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:32:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have trouble hearing higher pitched voices and if there's a lot of background noise. I was at the hospital this morning, and for the life of me, couldn't hear the receptionist/nurse.
Fuck that shit in the ear.
Korawri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:42:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I listen to the police scanner sometimes and I had come to realize very early on that i could never be a cop. 40% of the time it doesn't even sound like words.
Ironcl4d ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:37:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stare off into the distance for a few seconds
Slowly turn my head toward them
"I drive."
enrodude ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:39:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend is somewhat deaf. He has a hidden hearing aid so its not apparent for people and the hearing aid doesn't always help him hear. Sometimes He will do things like that when he doesn't understand you or cant read your lips.
Person: Can I see your ID?
Him: Yep! (starts ignoring him and walks away)
Me: (holding him back) No. dude. he. wants. to. see. your. ID...
Him: Oh ok! (Turns around and walks away some more...)
Pizzacrusher ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:43:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like your friend already :)
Buwaro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:00:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this. Now I just tell people to speak up because I'm deaf.
I have sensorineural hearing loss from working with F16s while I was in the Air Force. I can still hear noises and tones just fine, but if there is background noise I have to be looking at you and concentrating on the conversation to understand you.
Don't ever ask me the lyrics to a song.
PyroZach ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:39:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this, usually just going with the chuckle and "yeah" hoping it wasn't sad or a question. Once from a long time ago sticks out.
Person: "howarja" (what I heard at least)
me: "What?"
Person: "howl argue?"
Me: "Sorry once more"
Person: "Howd jar doo?"
Me: "oh, I uh, don't know"
Person: "you don't know how old you are???"
Also I often miss the first couple words, or at least don't process them right away and ask "what" then it clicks and I have the answer when they're two words into the sentence(for the second time).
PM_ME_OR_PM_ME ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:57:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After I had enlisted in the Army National Guard I happened to be at the fast food place next to the recruiting station in uniform with my little brother.
I get to the end of the ordering and the cashier is like, "youwnnmaltradiscka?"
I'm like, "I'm sorry?"
"you wannmaltryadiscka?"
"Uh, I can't.. You..."
"you want maltryadiscka???"
I give up and shrug my shoulders and say, "DUNNO WHAT THAT IS."
When we walk away from the counter, my brother's laughing asking "why didn't you take it?"
"Take what?"
"The military discount."
iEpidemics ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:05:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, they're clearly speaking English but the way they're pronouncing the word sounds like gibberish.
Them: "Do you have ground pork?" (Me interpreting it as "do you have round fork?")
Me: "uhh no we don't have round forks..."
Them: "no not round forks, ground pork!" (It sounds like "ground pork" this time but my brains in meltdown mode and I forget what ground pork is.)
Me: "uhh no we don't have ground pork..."
Them: (10 minutes later with ground pork) "this is ground pork"
Me: "ohhhhh..." (Awkward silence)
mgill404 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:40:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am also blessed with the inability to hear someone after they've repeated something several times. I have finally realized telling them about my bad hearing will get them to speak louder.
illtemperedklavier ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:59:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have that so often, it's like my brain just doesn't engage until later.
lutgholein ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:58:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mission accomplished!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:26:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Story of my life
BobADemon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this and to prevent awkwardness I just tell the person that I am partially deaf so they speak up.
cupcakesANDmuffins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:29:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha this is so funny. Happens to me everytime
xBlakcat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ann Perkins?
Lost_in_costco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just always say "My Man!"
-Cosmocrat- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THIS!
I work in retail and there are so many people who mumble or has a speech impediment and they are trying to talk to me and I end up doing this too many times!
HazelGhost ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this constantly. I'm convinced that I've developed a reputation for being deaf, or tuning people out.
Twas_All_A_Dream ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yea I hate asking strangers "What?" more than twice. I shudder at the thought of a conversation going like this. Them: "blah blah blah" Me: What? Them: "blah blah blah" Me: What? Them: I said "blah blah blah" Me: I'm sorry, what? five hours later Them: "Blah. Blah. Blah." Me: Wait, what?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This rings painfully true with me, you've made me remember all the times I've done this now. I feel uncomfortable.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:22:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've found the best way around this is to repeat what you thought you heard with a question mark at the end. Lets them know you're not sure if you heard them right and better than repeated 'what's
samdajellybeenie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just say "Speak up please, I'm hard of hearing." No one can tell that I can hear perfectly, it's the perfect solution.
DootMasterFlex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My fucking job. I have to talk to people quite frequently, and for some reason, I work in an industry where every customer only makes phone calls when they are driving 100 km/h with their windows open, and blaring music. I can never understand a single thing they're saying and many times I just do that awkward laugh or say okay. Hasn't bit me in the ass yet, but I'm sure it will soon.
ilovemallory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:56:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
person: "what did the lecturer say five minutes ago?"
me: laughs "yeah I agree"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always process what they said a little bit slower, and then it processes and I respond.
"Hey where is the bathroom"
"Pardon - oh its over there"
confusing as fuck
CakiePamy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:57:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to pick up my meds and the pharmacist was doing small talk. When I'm looking at the person talking to me, I can't hear very well. And he lift the pills to give them to me as I was just zoning out and said something that sounded like a question. I looked at him and said "No thank you" he looked at me funny and said "you guys aren't doing anything fun today?" My husband started laughing at me. I looked pretty dumb, we had a good laugh afterwards.
quavex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm literally half deaf and have had way more interactions like this than I'd care to admit.
MusicTravelWild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5xrkNeO2QI
sorry reminded me of this hahaha
themagiccapybara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:15:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's me AF.
Gabbergeddez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate myself whilst reading this, brought back too many moments. I was born with a collapsed ear drum. I can hear sound but it's muffled and hard to differentiate words.
gabriot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:29:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has gotten me into trouble before
Stalinwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate the people who think it's efficient to speak at low volume beside loud machinery, or near loud machinery and at least thirty feet away from me.
"wuhbuhbuhwuhuh."
Fuck you, dude.
ryguy28896 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me at any sort of social gathering. I have noticeable hearing loss, and when there's other sounds going on, holy shit.
So instead of asking "What?" every time and risk pissing someone off, this is what happens.
Niiin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never laughed so hysterically to such a timid post
i_izzie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a customer that has a pretty multicultural office and a crappy speakerphone. So many different accents all shouting across a desk into that crappy speakerphone.
oldmanjenkins44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:31:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Story of my life.
macphile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:35:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lose people all the time. "Where's X building?" I stare at them, dumbfounded. Finally, I manage, "Um, well, if you keep walking down here and turn right..." Of course, the building is literally right next to us. And I work in it.
Guaranteed, if I tell them to go right, as soon as they walk away, I realize it's left. Or vice versa.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You better be the guy who made the video.
Something5555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:41:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha
CZILLROY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I decided a while ago that I don't care how awkward it is to ask someone to repeat themselves a dozen times, because its a much better option than saying "haha yeah" and being completely wrong.
avantgardeaclue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fear of this hapening is enough to keep me out of public.
flylikegaruda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol!
thelonelywolf17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work food service and I had a customer with broken English and every time he said something I said"can you repeat that again?" After the 4th time he slammed on the counter and started yelling and my boss got involved lol
WestboundSign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just shrug, shake my head, smile and say "Sorry, no idea" (what you're saying)
giver_of_the_snark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too thanks
nightlyraider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i grew up with speech problems and have difficulty hearing people if there is background noises. like unless i am staring at you while you speak to me, i will probably not hear what you are saying.
it is great working in a loud kitchen and just ignoring anything i didn't make direct eye contact with.
ideletedmylastacc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm deaf in one ear. This is too relatable.
urmykaleidoscopeeyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Washroom ... are you Canadian?
ZaMiLoD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I meet my (now) mother-in-law it took 5-6 tries before I actually heard her saying "do you want a cup of tea, love?" My husband had to spell it out for me. I still get palpitations just thinking about it.
My only defence is that I'm not a native speaker and she has a fairly heavy northern English accent.
197326485 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a place where hearing protection is mandatory and there's a lot of background noise. I use very good ear plugs. Other people do not. This happens constantly.
voppp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an American, "washroom" would make it even more complicated.
TimoCT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I try to make the best out of these situations by coming up with something funny or very random that sounds as closely as what I heard.
If the situation doesn't allow it I'll ask to repeat, then ask to speak louder and finally give up and say that I don't know. It either fails and prompts the speaker to sort of repeat while staring at me in a weirded out kind of way or gets me out of the loop.
swordclash117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a person who wears a cochlear implant, I can relate to this greatly.
just_another_unicole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in an area where about 70% of my customers are immigrants. So naturally the language barrier is sometimes so bad that I have a hard time understanding what they need, and they have an equally hard time trying to get it across. More than once, while in a phone conversation with such folks, I've definitely pretended that the line wasn't good and I couldn't hear them well, just so I could go grab the one employee who speaks their language... it's very embarrassing... they definitely know it's not because of their phone.
TheAlmightyNivs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a concert last weekend, 6 am and really fucked up.
I responded "fuck ya" to a dude 4 times before I heard him say "Dude, what the fuck is your name?" and still thought it would be a good idea to keep the conversation going. I shudder with cringe when I think about the rest of it.
Forgot-My-Name_again ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the same way, but rather than look dumb I have gotten rude instead.
Person: "Where's the washroom?"
Me: "Pardon?"
Person: "Where's the washroom?"
Me: "Repeating yourself isn't helpful if you mumble."
Person: "... Nevermind."
LibrarianLibertarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My name is dang.
Lanoir97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was helping a customer get their items loaded up the other day and I heard him say something as I got close to his truck and I had just assumed that he said something like "Hey, how're you doing" because that's kinda what it sounded like and everyone says. I said "Pretty good, how about you" and he turns around and gives me the weirdest look. I guess he was asking the guy in the passenger seat to come help and said "Hey John". Most awkward thing I've had happen to me in the 3 months I've worked there.
DatBowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even with people I know, if I'm in a loud place I can barely make out a word most of the time. Which is weird because I'm really good at hearing details in music.
Arkani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that at the beginning but I soon realized by the tone if they were asking a question. If they were I just say it first time "Sorry can you repeat?" and if I didn't hear them a second time I say "I am very sorry but I couldn't hear you because "the reason", can you speak a little louder?". It always works now. People when asking questions are unexpectedly really reasonable if you provide the cause why did you not hear them. It's not even bad if you say "I am sorry I don't hear you if you speak so softly, can you speak a little louder please?" They will understand.
Hayden_P ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone with hearing loss this is so relatable๐ญ
Frostblazer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm about 90% sure you took that from that ProZD sketch.
rishi_sambora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can relate to this the most
BeautifulRock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A good tip in these situations is to repeat the words you did hear. That way they only need to repeat the part that you didn't hear.
LOAARR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much this exact exchange is a ProZD video.
thechairinfront ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this so much. I've been with my husband 12 fucking years and he still mumbles at me or talks to me while walking away. Than for the first year I knew my father in law I just smiled and laughed every time he spoke because I couldn't understand a damn word he said.
Kegter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to manage for my highschool basketball team. I was waiting for a game to begin when one of my coaches asked me something but i didnt hear so i replied "haha yea". He stared at me for a bit with an odd look on his face before asking the other manager for a ball pump so he could fill the basketball and get the game started. I felt so freaking dumb.
humblest_butt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who is hard of hearing due to being deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other, this is a regular occurrence for me and still a nightmare every time.
makenzie71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel any better, in my own experience my level of care has gotten way less. 10 years ago Iโd do the laugh and nod bit. Today Iโll tell people either speak up or ask someone else. Maybe youโll grow out of it, too.
Ihaveopinionstoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm hard of hearing...like profoundly deaf.
I can read lips like a champ but sometimes I'm off my game, and instead of pointing to my hearing aids hearing them say Oh i'm so sorry or give me their life story of how they have a deaf cousin or try to do some sign language (happens...every...time) I would try to get what they're saying and go with it.
Its exactly like the way you said it lol....just worse b/c they're now mad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How are you able to tell this story if you didn't know what he said?
StarFox- ยท 1909 points ยท Posted at 18:51:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Living in a house with two bathrooms, but one belonged to my roommate who wasn't home at the time. The shared bathroom was broken and I had to take a shit. I didn't want to risk getting caught shitting in my roommate's bathroom even though I know he would have been cool with it. Instead I got a cardboard box, lined it with a plastic bag and shat in that. I threw it in the dump out back and never told anyone.
getmepuutahereplz ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 00:46:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Getting caught with a cardboard box would be far more embarrassing than the other bathroom, no?
sharkattackmiami ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:20:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
blame it on a cat
Oilosity12356 ยท 225 points ยท Posted at 22:32:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh
Cutting_The_Cats ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 00:52:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruhhhhhh
Bewbswithchezzz ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 01:31:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
do you realize that you literally made a litter box. HAHA HOLY SHIT.
nostalico ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 22:47:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao what
EmEffBee ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 01:36:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I had to crap real bad so I did so in a bag. I went to fling the bag ontop of a roof so windmilled it a couple of times to boost it's velocity, and let go. It went straight up in the air like 30 feet, came plummeting back down and hit the ground with a resounding SLAP. Somehow, the bag didn't rupture from the impact! I was grateful for that and the second toss was more successful.
fingerandtoe ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:29:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why on a roof?
EmEffBee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:47:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cause it was the best place to get rid of a big bag of crap at the time. It was a flat roof
aarondoyle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:12:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't have a bin?
Big_TX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is the best one so far
iEpidemics ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:15:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, I'm afraid someone would find the evidence. I'd hold that shit in (literally) or at least take that bag and cardboard box across the state border while wearing a trench coat and shades. As if anyone who's dumpster diving is going to know it's my shit and even if they did, they're dumpster diving. Still wouldn't risk it.
fraud_imposter ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 00:38:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please don't be my roommate wth dude just use their bathroom lmao
mhbluemike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? I'm missing something here.
Ennui92 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:34:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a shower, poop in your hand and throw it in wc. Just be careful not to miss, I hate it when that happens. edit:words
3original5me ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 00:45:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're in the shower just waffle stomp it
ganlet20 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:31:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And smear it all over to assert your dominance.
S4B0T ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what
Thumperkat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now you have told everyone
vikinghooker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:39:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a really good roommate. To your detriment, but still!
bluehelicopter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:20:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You threw your dump in the dump
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:31:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Were you afraid they would catch you in the bathroom mid shit and not let you do that Starfox?
Naturious ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:32:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that is actually an idea I might use one day..
StarFox- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:25:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you are ever in a pinch.
Concept_Art ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:46:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hopefully not in the recycling bin.
StarFox- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:25:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nooo. Just a normal trash bin.
negroflaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
damn your a good roomate!
I_love_pillows ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:29:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ew
Beachinbeauty ยท 2471 points ยท Posted at 18:21:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the weirdest shit due to my social anxiety. I could write a book about this. Some examples:
Completely leave a parking lot because I parked bad and someone saw me.
Drive far out of my way to avoid stores and establishments where I will know anyone.
Sleep in my car because I'm too afraid to wake anyone up by knocking on the door.
Etc.
SailedBasilisk ยท 150 points ยท Posted at 22:36:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever missed a class or a meeting just because you didn't want people to see you coming in late? Because I failed a class by doing that.
Pickled_Wizard ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 00:21:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My rule is that if I'm later than 5 minutes, I'm not going.
fingerandtoe ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 13:20:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember skipping so many 8am classes because of that. Felt a little guilty but it was so nice to fall back asleep.
ASoupDuck ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:32:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago I stopped attending my Mandarin 1 class because I missed a bunch of classes due to my fear of "disrupting" class with my lateness and then fell behind in class cause I was missing so much and so even when i got to class on time, I eventually felt too much shame to show my dumb face in class cause everyone would hear how little mandarin I knew.
This was a year long class that I stopped attending in January. I didn't write the second midterm, or the final, or hand in any homework or assignments for the rest of the year. I had resigned myself to failing this 9 credit class and considered dropping out to avoid the shame of academic probation or getting kicked out for trashing my gpa in the first year.
Somehow, perhaps via divine intervention, I got a C+ in that class. I have no idea how since I did less than half the work, but I took it as a sign to stay in school.
I did, later, actually fail 2 classes but I took one as pass/fail at least.
KennyFulgencio ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:17:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh buddy. I can't say we've all been there. But I've been there. And this thread has evidence of others. We're not alone.
Oh, and I can tell you how you got a C+, because I've been there as well. Everyone else in the class was quietly nearly failing, either because the material is so hard, the teacher is so bad, or the students are all a mess. When that's the case and the teacher grades on a curve, things like your C+ happen. (I got a D, but still, there was no way I should have passed, with as much of the course as I simply stopped showing up for.)
Beachinbeauty ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 22:59:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. I have thought about it but my fear of my mother beating my ass outweighed my anxiety in that respect lol ๐
VerneAsimov ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 19:48:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First one happened to me today at my job. Where I'm legally allowed to park anywhere unless it's really stupid. I parked in a tiny Starbucks parking lot to do some work but I parked so bad I just left the area and parked somewhere else.
Leafy81 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:11:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm curious as to what job allows you to park wherever.
VerneAsimov ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 00:30:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in public works with sewers. I'm (mostly) allowed to park wherever because manholes are sometimes in the middle of streets, in people's yards, etc.
Leafy81 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:58:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never would have guessed that one.
LlamaLlamaPingPong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My guess is cop?
Sproded ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:30:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whatโs the difference between legally allowed for you to park and legally allowed for the general population to park?
VerneAsimov ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:34:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can park in the middle of busy roads whenever I want. Like, literally anywhere on the road including intersections. I can drive the wrong way down one way roads (with good reason of course). I can block entire roads off temporarily. A couple examples.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:39:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What sort of exceptions fall under that?
VerneAsimov ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:49:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I don't think anyone has gotten in trouble for bad parking. You gotta really try to mess this up. Like parking on a railroad, taking up like 3 lanes for no real reason (if you need to take that much up, you need traffic signs and shit), blocking off access to parking lots or stuff without a reason... Parking in front of firehouse driveways lol.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:57:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So if a cop sees your car parked in a place that regular people wouldn't be allowed to park, how would (s)he know not to ticket you? Is there a sign on your car or something that lets cops know that you're allowed to park there?
55thParallel ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:59:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo heโs probably driving like a big ole pubic works truck
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:00:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha i'm a fucking idiot
burkinmadd ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:44:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
55thParallel ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 16:57:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm not fixing it.
RonaldTheGiraffe ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:48:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stopping on a highway, in the middle of the road, to eat a picnic of tuna sandwiches and Waldorf salad and then taking a shit right in the picnic basket
klye7952 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 20:31:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read that book.
Beachinbeauty ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 21:13:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll write it just for you.
klye7952 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 21:18:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever suggested doing for me.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:04:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
klye7952 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:06:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gosh, that was _unExpected. ha... hahaha... See what I did there?
E72M ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:35:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
crickets
jayhawk8808 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha that cracked me up.
klye7952 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:05:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank goodness. For a minute there, I thought I was only funny to crickets. lol
Beachinbeauty ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:22:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a nice lady :)
klye7952 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:31:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow. That's my favorite kind of lady. lol
iamnas ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:44:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I watch you guys have awkward sex?
klye7952 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:20:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be... awkward...
Neologic29 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 21:17:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, this is me. There is a little alcove that has mailboxes for all the employees in the building I work at. It's right across from the lobby elevators. If I'm about to have to awkwardly share an elevator ride, I will pretend I'm checking my mail box and just wait in that alcove for them to catch their elevator.
Beachinbeauty ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:18:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this at hotels lmao! Pretend I'm checking out some artwork or checking a text or forgot something outside.
framesftw ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:03:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My college has two sides separated by a large bridge over a road. I have like 10 mins to get to another class so it's never an issue. WELL, one day there were a group of people from my high school all talking together in the middle of the bridge. Not wanting awkward small talk with people who I'm really not invested in, I take the elevator down to the ground floor, walk about 1/4 mile to the crosswalk for the road, cross the road, walk ALL THE WAY to the other side of campus. I was late by 15 mins to my class and spent the entire lecture wondering why the fuck I'm like this.
Beachinbeauty ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:22:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done similar to avoid socializing.
mudbutt20 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saddleback?
Horcza ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:16:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't you have keys?
Beachinbeauty ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:55:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm staying with relatives temporarily for two more weeks. It sucks but like none of them use a house key because there's almost always someone home, so they don't know where the lone house key is. Someone in the home is rather spiteful and "forgets" I'm coming home and locks me out at night.
ferrouswolf2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:04:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then screw whoever is being spiteful and knock!
InkyGrrrl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:16:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was visiting my hometown and went to hang out with a friend. Yada yada yada, I ended up getting out of his house and going back to where I was staying at my brother/cousin's shared place around 2am. The house is NEVER LOCKED during the day, but my brother had locked on his way out for his overnight shift, forgetting that I wasn't back yet and didn't have a key. I didn't want to wake up my cousin so I ended up going to Denny's until my brother had his meal break. Think I ended up being able to go to bed around 5:30.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Beachinbeauty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:43:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but their windows are kinda high off the ground. They don't pull that shit every night, but I can't go hang out with anyone after my second job because if it gets to a certain time they will. It completely inhibits my life but I'm about to move out.
sofudgeaswell ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:19:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you. Iโm scrolling through this thread noticing how most of these Iโve done or could see myself doing.
Iโve done the first, the other 2 I can say Iโm too lazy to do and I canโt sleep in my car, itโs too small for me lol. Just know you arenโt alone and we can all have funny stories for our friends and family later!!
wtfrara ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:38:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Credit card rejected at a gas pump so I just left.
Beachinbeauty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:41:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaallllllll the time omg ๐
InkyGrrrl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:11:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will drive hilarious distances to avoid parallel parking. The smart thing to do would be set up some garbage cans by my house and just practice, but I'm 25 so I would feel so dumb doing it- like, I've had my license for 7 years already, why don't I have this down?
dark_raccoon2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:15:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DAE hate it when staff at regular establishments get too familiar with you and ask about your kids, work, etc. makes me change establishments. Iโm running out of them now so am considering moving cities.
ASoupDuck ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:36:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started going to the far grocery store cause I felt like the cashiers at the close one were starting to recognize me. For some reason I don't like this. I experienced true joy when they installed the self-check out machines recently. Then I felt bad cause some of the employees that may have recognized me had to find new jobs.
dark_raccoon2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You feel my pain!! Yeah I prefer self-check outs too! But ur right, โtis a double-edged sword!
lemonfluff ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:50:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like your anxiety is severely effecting your life and is getting out of hand. As someone who's been there, maybe it's time to take action (if you're not already)? One thing that helped me was realising that nobody takes you as seriously as you take yourself. Like how much do I care if a stranger parks badly and corrects it, or even if they fell over, I'd think it was funny for two seconds and move on. They might think about it for weeks! Nobody cares as much as you do :)
Beachinbeauty ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:20:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've lived with anxiety for 28 years so it's just kind of a part of me, like having brown hair. I don't really put much stock in the social or general anxiety because I have been through much, much worse. Was agoraphobic for nearly three years and still suffer from occasional panic attacks. Would rather drive my car to the Moon for my perceived bad parking than endure another panic attack lol!
The panic attacks (not relevant to my social or general anxiety) were a huge monster in my life and were terrifying, rather than a mere nuisance. So, I guess I just don't feel like the other stuff is that big of a deal.
lemonfluff ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:15:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Panic attacks are absolutely horrible. I'm glad you don't get them anymore. Do you mind me asking how they stopped?
tigerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried this new found 'no one cares what you do' therapy at my best friends birthday party a couple months ago. When I decided I was done socializing I just sat in a chair in the corner and stared at people. I was pretty content, but I guess I creeped a lot of people out. Forward to another party last month, after i had my fill of bullshit chat I just went into their basement and watched star wars until everyone had left.
lemonfluff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:04 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like it's working :)
dvinv ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:46:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guilty of every single one of these. First two happen a few times a week.
jay_wonderland ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:22:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus I can't stop laughing because I can relate. What else do you do?
Beachinbeauty ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:09:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All kinds of stuff, man. I'm a weird chick. Like, I'll drive the long way around stuff to avoid certain intersections and exits because I'm nervous about taking too long to turn out of difficult places.
I watch my phone ring and as soon as it stops, I Google the number if I didn't recognize it.
There was this really social cashier at my old Walmart and if I saw him working I'd go stand in another line 20 deep just to escape him.
ano1batman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:47:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this when I smoked weed. I hated the thought of having to talk to my family so id just crash in my car. I kept two blankets in my car just for this because it got really fucking cold in the winter.
HappyDopamine ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:53:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done all three of these. The middle one is my status quo. I grew up in a small town where my whole family would drive a town or two away to avoid people, and we regularly ate takeout or fast food in the car in a dark, far corner of the parking lot to both avoid going in and avoid being seen in this state of avoidance, etc.
Beachinbeauty ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:23:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely developed this behavior from my mother, which I realized is not normal. She was humiliated with herself after gaining a ton of weight, so we ate out in a town 45 mins away. I have no reason to be ashamed of myself, so idk why I do it. I learned a lot of my anxiety from her. It sucks.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:38:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve done the parking one
1RedReddit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:18:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of want to do that last one because I've never done it before and it sounds like an experience.
Beachinbeauty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:21:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally only did it once. Was like camping lol!
dabriela ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:25:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
somehow this has given me confidence... thank you
iEpidemics ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:28:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god that second one is me. Quarter of a gas tank to get to a Target nowhere near me and I still manage to see someone I know and internally I go "Fuck" and pretend I don't see them.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:37:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't parallel park at all if someone is waiting behind me. I make a few attempts before giving up and driving off, everytime. In general if there are people watching me I instantly become worse at parking but if someone is waiting on me I forget how to do it entirely.
FrankiePancakes ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:45:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please get help for this, if you haven't already.
Beachinbeauty ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:13:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol there are far, far worse things in life. I love my life and am just largely used to this by now, at 28 years old. I majored in Psychology and learned therapeutic techniques and have a come long way as a person, so I just take it in stride.
hockeychick44 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:30:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you did get help then!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:27:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's how you handle these things. Learn how not to care. I suffer from anxiety too and I've taught myself not to care about a lot of things. The most important thing is, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. This is probably the toughest thing a person with social anxiety can get over.
colonelmerkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw :(
trinitythetuck1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so happy to hear someone else is awkward enough to leave after being witnessed parking terribly.
Soundtravels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hear you on shopping out of town to avoid people
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god this is going to be me...
ninakarenina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OH GOD. That parking thing is too real. I parked really bad at the grocery store the other day. There were people around and I was too embarrassed to re-park my car so I pulled out and parked in the literal farthest spot from the store where nobody could see me.
I also park HORRIBLY at work every morning so I try and get there about ten minutes before everyone else so I have time to re-park without looking like a fucking idiot who canโt drive. (Which I am)
Beachinbeauty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's to a fellow bad parker!
WitNicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao the first one had me dying
averym88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i did something similar with pulling into a gas station. i pulled in once and thought that i had pulled into the wrong side so i did this elaborate, terrible back-in job to the gas pump with many people waiting only to find out that I was originally on the right side. i got back in my car and just drove away.
Beachinbeauty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have also done something kinda like that, except I pulled up the wrong side, got an attitude and whipped to another pump only to somehow still have pulled in on the wrong side. I gave up and left.
PlatinumOmega ยท 186 points ยท Posted at 22:01:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First day of high school there was a really cute girl in my homeroom. I wanted to introduce myself, but I didn't want to look obvious... so I introduced myself to everyone in the classroom... one person at a time.
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 03:11:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol That's like...reverse social anxiety
PlatinumOmega ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:20:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And their faces created actual social anxiety.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:53:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading this caused me to retroactively cringe.
PlatinumOmega ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cringed while typing it.
tullingpim ยท 18555 points ยท Posted at 18:29:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrote out a long response to this post, then deleted it cause I felt stupid.
RickSanchezislord ยท 3153 points ยท Posted at 19:36:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this so so often.
Boing_Boing ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 21:10:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"aaaaah fuck...is it really worth it?"
MexicanMouthwash ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 22:57:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually go to press reply, then think "Someone's gonna reply to me and I'm gonna have to reply back to them, and that's waaaay too much effort."
EDIT: Fuck all of you that are replying to me. Leave me alone.
spaz_marine ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 23:17:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thoughts exactly.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:37:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
spaz_marine ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:01:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NNOOOOOOOOO, other then that I'm fine
KRTxBallistic ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:38:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rarely ever reply to people that comment on my posts, even when I'm suppose to.
scarletemoji ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:47:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or I get nervous that the replies will be mean.
Anshin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:31:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw fuck who'd I piss off this time
MexicanMouthwash ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:11:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You piece of shit! Go get a life you scumbag!! /S
oculus_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So ya know sports am I right?
Siphyre ยท 380 points ยท Posted at 21:12:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it because I realize that 90 % of reddit disagrees with my viewpoint and I will get a lot of flak despite me being pretty sure that they are just stupid.
Edit: Had to be one person...
addictwithnopen ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 21:41:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt have the filter for this... made a joke on r/unethicallifeprotips, got yelled at by some idiot, and then when I tried to explain that I was kidding I got downvoted into the seventh circle of hell
The joke was literally just me saying in response to a comment about how that ULPT was illegal, โwell, it is called unethical life pro tips for a reasonโ
MediocreTroll ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 22:06:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt wanna look like a stalker but you got pretty juicy 28 karma outta that joke
addictwithnopen ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:08:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang... Iโm internet famous
(And really?? Last time I checked I was definitely in negatives)
Zaquarius_Alfonzo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:27:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah usually after you explain yourself people start changing their votes
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh
Never thought about that
Zaquarius_Alfonzo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:11:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah Reddit can be alright sometimes
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/wholesomereddit is great
Edit: and r/wholesomememes
Zaquarius_Alfonzo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:20:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah /r/wholesomememes is great
JackedPirate ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:39:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/karmacourt
detective_bookman ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:17:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BUSTED!
Literally_A_Shill ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And I don't see where he got yelled at.
slanid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:49:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got downvoted and called names because this guy was saying he was gay because it was mysterious and something he "couldn't have" and all I said was "the grass is always greener lol". Got called homophobe, told people can't choose being gay, all this stuff. Because of a joke.
addictwithnopen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:50:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs the problem with text posts... canโt always read tone :(
Danbobway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear I saw that comment are you skalting me?
addictwithnopen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I skalting you?
3jt ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:27:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, weโre not just stupid, weโre also angry!
mattmonkey24 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:09:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once upon a time, the downvote was meant for content that does not contribute to discussion. Now it is for things you don't agree with.
Personally, I post some things knowing I'll get downvoted but do it anyways to give voice to that other viewpoint. The echo chamber of reddit is quite dangerous
Combocore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just start your post with "this will probably get downvoted but" and people will agree with you
Katsy13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get downvoted but I don't agree with you.
TwoLastNamesGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:51:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. Maybe if just posted our unpopular opinions, everyone else would too! And then the hivemind would die!
...who am I kidding
mesopotamius ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:14:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's definitely everyone else that's stupid
MrAndersson ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:35:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your dedication for proving him right is truly endearing! Oh, and by the way, I think this "." is yours! I found it fluttering aimlessly through the ether, looking lost.
:)
everred ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:54:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
one missed period and your whole life is ruined
MrAndersson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I was certain that was either a common joke, saying, quote, or something like that, but I can't find anything, at least not in English?
In any case I felt it was a clever turn of words, and thanks for the laugh! It was very welcome.
When I read your comment I immediately, in a split second, imagined a very stern teacher trying to emphasise the value of punctuation by a serious and moralizing story, oblivious of the inadvertent joke. Imagination is a funny thing :)
zekneegrows ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This.. actually has some relevance.
mesopotamius ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:40:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I also missed a comma after "Yeah". My lack of end-stop punctuation was intentional, though, as short messages without periods are often perceived as less harsh by the recipient, and generally convey a more casual tone.
TheEliteBrit ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:14:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yeah, I hate it when people end their comments (online, in casual convo) with full-stops, it comes off as if that person is really serious and/or an arsehole. I rarely end my comments with a full-stop unless I'm arguing with someone. Never seen anyone talk about it before so this made me really happy for some silly reason
bmacisaac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
can't tell if you're being serious or sarcastic
Not using a full-stop there felt really weird.
MrAndersson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It felt weird, but doesn't always. I guess it's got something to with the momentum of the sentence. If the momentum fizzles before the end, the missing full stop isn't missed as much in it's role as stop to the sentence after it ended.
I almost always get so silly with all the words whenever I try to write anything, they really are funny little buggers!
TheEliteBrit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being serious, and yeah it's weird that you didn't use a full-stop there as it was only the end of a sentence and not the end of a comment. The fact it was followed up with another a sentence that did end with one just makes the whole comment look like a punctuation abortion
bmacisaac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yer wots weird, m8
snookert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:21:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right.
HeirError ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HEY! Frick you, buddy. You're wrong!
Littlemouse0812 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weโve all been there. Weโre all socially awkward in some way, probably why weโre on Reddit. Those top comments make everything look so effortless....
LibrarianLibertarian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:09:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it because half way during the post I realize there is hardly anything in it for me. Reddit does not pay very well.
revengebanana247 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yeah 90% are stupid. Thank God we're in the 10%... I'm not stupid, right?
Truan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have some conviction, ya pansy
PsychologicallyFat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done that plenty of times
PMacLCA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had conversations with someone where we disagree - respectfully - and somehow both of us ended up downvoted. I think people get some sort of cathartic pleasure out of trying to make others feel bad online lmao.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This right here. I donโt have the energy to stand against the incoming tide of stupid on Reddit sometimes.
lifelongfreshman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Post it anyway! But then abuse that little button below each post that says, 'disable inbox replies'. It's what I do.
SIGMA920 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bah fuck that, say what you what to say and ignore the downvotes. That is just a way of making people feel happy.
TheHateCamel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best thing you can do is be yourself
FUCK ANYBODY WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT
(literally or figuratively)
Mr-Marshmallow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs stupid.
scoobyduped ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:59:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Usually if I get a response all the way finished I'll post it, but I'll often formulate a response in my head, get a couple sentences into typing it, then decide it's stupid and/or not worth the effort.
SpannerShambler ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:40:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of my deleted posts stem from โnobody needs to know that about me. Emotions are to be contained, not shared.โ Super healthy attitude.
NeonNick_WH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, so true
p1-o2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn though, it's true.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:37:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I often write out long posts, about to press submit, then realise that i misinterpreted their comment. Oops.
botcomking ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:12:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This post only began a couple hours ago though so how have you been doing it so often.
IWatchGifsForWayToo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:59:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually just write it out in my mind. Repeat it over and over again with little variations to make it the perfect post, and then never type any of it out.
Paffmassa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:22:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I
DaysforDays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. We should form a club.
RuineBabines ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:20:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the other hand, there are lots of people who won't second guess or re-read themselves.
breachgnome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:30:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do that all the time when I'm looking at top-posts. I'll start typing and then realize the post and/or comment is weeks or months old.
Sleezaya ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And me.
NICKisICE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For me it's usually "I have something meaningful to add to this discussion but people online are dumb and it's not worth getting involved" so I just delete what I typed and look at something where thoughts don't get you criticized.
Adnan_Targaryen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this but then stopped. Like, you can actually see where I stopped doing that in this graph
Sullan08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just over explain a lot by nature over text so i can seem way more into a conversation or topic when i really don't care that much. So now if i notice it dragging on too long I'll just delete it.
ken__adams ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 20:43:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so so ?
nickwashere ยท 298 points ยท Posted at 21:46:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
types for 5 seconds
"Nevermind. Reddit won't give a shit."
LeKrizz ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 22:03:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaand you got gold for explaining why you don't write comments. Achievement unlocked.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:37:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People give out gold for the stupidest things. I got gold on my first day with this account for simply saying "Please gild". Try it.
ubisoftsphantom ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:43:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please glid
makegr666 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:02:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, now you look ridiculous.
I've been gilded, apart from the yellow comments that mark new comments in an already seen thread, there's not a lot of benefits for it.
thekingofthenerf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:43:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plz gild. See, didn't work
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:45:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot to mention, you need to will the gild. Watch this:
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:45:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please gild.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:12:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
in the actual spirit of reddit, have a gif
Shpleh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone just trying tonget gold in this thread, but it's just one of the countless ones where noone actually gets any. I think those people just gild themselves anyway
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It works about 25-33% of the time for me and I've never wasted money gilding myself.
Shpleh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it. I was just trying to get gold anyway lel
Ennui92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:26:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please Gild. See, this one worked!
Edit: Ha! No edit!
anotherkeebler ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:52:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like
Obtainer_of_Goods ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:20:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always write out a long explanations of why the comment iโm replying to is wrong... then i just delete it because I realize that everyone will probably disagree with me anyway and I donโt want to waste my time rewriting and Iโve already stopped caring.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:48:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the thought of having to deal with conflict and people disagreeing to my disagreeing is just anxiety inducing.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:13:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the disable inbox replies option is a godsend
i literally click it for every post i make
threads where i have a reply to someone posting a reply to my post is me actually viewing that thread again later and posting a reply... never from my inbox
Squillem ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:07:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
types for 5 minutes "Nevermind. Reddit won't give a shit."
DarkSoulsExcedere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't even... fk why do I even try.
funkyb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, hey buddy...thanks for not making me read those comments. I appreciate the time savings.
Ovenproofcorgi ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 21:32:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this because I don't want to have arguments with people over differentiating opinions.
catrain ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:59:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I strongly relate to this. I live a miserable life, I don't want to waste what little peaceful time I have being insulted or arguing over different opinions.
AngryWizard ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:22:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You took the words right out of my brain. Often I will write out a response - my thoughts, opinion, maybe put someone in their place that is being unkind - but 80% of the time I'll hit cancel before submitting. I often feel better having just written it out, but I'm not in a place in my life where I have the fortitude for arguments.
somewhatstaid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A number of times work has intruded when I was about to hit submit, and when I came back 20 minutes later I would read my comment and identify some bad assumption I made about the other person that really triggered me. Now I do it on purpose and usually just delete the reply.
honkhonkbeepbeeep ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:32:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I do this too. I'm about to correct something related to my specialty in my field and then I'm like, you know, in this context, I'm just going to have a dozen people with no knowledge of this issue call me an idiot or a tumblr user for not accepting the mainstream misconception, and no one's going to learn from it anyway, so I'll just delete this and let them have their 45 seconds of fame with their comment that most people think is insightful.
MuppetHolocaust ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:09:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, YOU shut up!
Macktologist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you still get it off your chest by typing it out.
evilheartemote ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:47:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really wordy so I do it all the time. No one wants to read my rambling story that doesn't even have a proper conclusion.
AngryWizard ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:24:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you'd fit right in on r/pointlessstories?
Taukstofish ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:09:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, expect it was with comments to other people's responses, at least 12 of them...
whitepupper ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:31:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's about 90% of the things I type on here.
djm19 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:02:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time. I can't help myself. I'll make these long posts with links and all that jazz, then delete it because who cares and I consider myself spent on the issue and don't want to feel the need to comment any more so better stop while I am ahead.
JasmineC91 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:00:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe this is the start of a subreddit where people can confidently share their deleted posts in a safe zone. I deleted this twice but in the spirit of fearless honesty... I wonder how many great comments will never be seen because of shy.
GirlWhoWrites2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:49:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this regularly on Twitter. I'll start responding to a tweet and think to myself "You've been responding to them too much lately. Quit being a creeper" and I'll delete it. :/
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:53:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one hits close to home
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:10:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MyFriendPalinopsia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. And when I do get a notification, I don't look at it just in case it's someone telling me I'm wrong.
AlyshaUchiha ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meeeeeee
I literally posted this then looked at it and thought ew and deleted it. So now Iโm reposting it, and keeping it up, cause I realised it actually is me.
FlamingArmor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
genious
g00niebird ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:24:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i usually do this but not because i feel stupid, but because i dont want to go back and correct all the spelling and punctuation mistakes that i have made due to my gigantic thumbs hitting 'n' instead of the space bar on my fucking phone all the time
Sports_music ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:28:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this a lot, like at least once day. I have a bad habit of shit posting when I'm high, so the cancel button is sometimes my savior.
AyekerambA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Type out a long, thoughtful response then decide against it because you don't feel like arguing with idiots who have 0 reading comprehension skills or just skimmed.
jelvinjs7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, Iโve spent like a half-hour writing a post on Reddit, only to delete because i felt it was stupid and no one cared and there was no point.Uh, same.
dvntwnsnd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was writing about that time I went to the convenience store, asked the cashier something and I don't know why, for some reason she puts a pack of cigarettes alongside the items I was buying, instead of telling her, I went along and paid for it, and I don't even smoke.
Then I deleted it, this thread have almost 3,000 comments so no one's gonna read it anyway.
LemmeTakeAperture ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:38:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Whenever you delete a post like this, copy or cut it instead of just deleting it. That way, if you change your mind a few minutes later you have it saved.
ffejeroni ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:38:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally every day.
strangetrip666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I don't have a Reddit presence.
msuspartan14695 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It helps to realize everyone else is in pretty much that same position
UnfaithfulFunctor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that just now because I thought I had a funny reply, but as soon as I started typing I realized it was stupid
robustability ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:27:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't anything to be ashamed of. Write out a long ass post, realize it will be poorly received and stress you out for no reason, delete and go do something worthwhile with your time.
Jckruz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, this is the dumbest thing thread. Not the dumbest thing you do about 12 times per day...I wanted to delete this comment but I realized the irony in that.
I want to delete it again, becauase I am always too afraid to try to use the word Irony...
Jade_Pornsurge ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:40:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well that post is still pretty stupid.
sorry^
ShemhazaiX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was the only one...
Walnut156 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this just because I know I'll get a response and don't feel like reading a response
ZeppelinArmada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More people should do this.
brbrmensch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how many tries did this one require?
supersonicfan169 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too thanks
OlySamRock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah same
slimrngesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so meta
boombox4901 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And look how that worked out!!
TheHateCamel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't actually a bad thing. Can you imagine if everyone stopped to reflect on their posts before hitting 'save'? Reddit would probably actually be full of pleasantness
CHAINMAILLEKID ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well its not like this is the Internet where something you say can stick around for years and years or anything.
ilovemallory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nothing you ever do is stupid. everything you do is worthwhile. all of life is full of happy little mistakes
Nitroapes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The most relatable comment here
skyystalkerr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Story of my Reddit life.
Deto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I do this when I know people are going to argue with me and I just don't feel like having to defend myself all day.
mikipast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ironic, he could save others from deletinf responses but not himself
jeeawnuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To the top you go.
whatthatboydoing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of my replies on any social media and Reddit fall into this category.
Coltand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/toomeirlformeirl
StannBrunkelfort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you got 4.5k. Not too shabby!
SetPhasersToStun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me?
akua420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the damn time. Internet strangers can really hurt my feelings
valiumandbeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better than posting it, going to bed hours later, can't sleep because of who knows, comment comes into my head, oh shoot better go delete that.
Squillem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I do this more than actually posting.
ruinyourjokes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you please post??
chi22ko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! Was gonna do that, now I don't have to!
purefire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wish more people would do this.
Sah_Kendov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My god. This is probably quite common haha
mrduck123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
literally me every day...
CAPSEnthusiast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems to have worked out
bored_cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cruxion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder how many wrote responses, but instead of shortening or rewriting them, just never posted?
viscence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not dumb. Sometimes you have to develop an idea fully to realise it doesn't have merit, or at least as much merit as you initially thought.
alreadytakeniguess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:52:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR.......
๐๏ธ ilalmtae ยท 3309 points ยท Posted at 15:45:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I accidentally got on the bus going in the opposite direction from where I wanted to go, and instead of getting off at the first stop after I realized this, or the next 20 stops, I rode the entire route. Just because I didn't want anyone to know what I did (not that they would have anyways).
[deleted] ยท 1131 points ยท Posted at 16:08:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once, but I thought that the bus would loop on its route, or double back. It did neither; it reached a station and the driver got off, and the bus was ready to be retired for the night. Goddamnit.
tomerz99 ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 21:18:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I feel the pain. Our university has a bunch of the same green busses for all of its different routes, but I only ever see one or two. Decided I didn't need to check the number when I hopped on one during the summer and that shit took me like 40 minutes away to a mall, and the whole way there I was just debating on whether I should tell the driver it was an accident or just hope he stopped soon. The kicker?
I was literally the only one on the bus.
OP_deliveries ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 22:22:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wild guess... York University to Square One on the GO bus??
Baconnocabbacon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:55:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I deadass started thinking of York and GO buses
tomerz99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:13 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly not, WVU and the Mountain Line buses.
BradC ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:12:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't make me tap the sign.
DaughterEarth ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:47:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same and bus service was done for the night. Some random person gave me a ride home and I'm lucky they were actually being nice
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:39:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow that could have ended badly
DWillows ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
believe it or not, most people that pick up hitchhikers aren't going to try and kidnap you.
just like most hitchhikers aren't going to try and stab you and steal your car.
ferrettt55 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:51:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this on a bus that was supposed to loop. Didn't want to wait for the bus coming the direction I wanted to go, so I hopped on the one that loops around. The driver got to the furthest point from where I wanted to go and said they weren't going back that way and I had to get off. Walked a mile in the rain...
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:40:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. Bus looped on the route, I knew it. Then the one time I missed my stop and decided to ride the loop, nope, they were stopping services that day for some reason. Ugh.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:57:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it makes you feel better...
I was stationed in S Korea. My buddy and me snuck off base and took the train to Seoul. We did not speak Korean. Most announcements on the train are in English and Korean, but one was just in Korean.
Soon after that announcement, the car empties out. We go on our way, and then stop in a really dark place underground that's obviously not a subway stop. The doors do not open.
So here we are, two soldiers fresh in the country with about five words together in the native language, freaking out in a train car underground in the pitch black. Can't call anyone we know and ask what's going on, cause we're supposed to be 20 miles to the north.
A lady comes in with a cleaning cart and stares at us for a good minute, then says something in Korean. We stare back at her, saying nothing. Both of us had just blanked out completely. Finally, she leaves and some dude comes in a really official uniform and tells us in super broken English that we were supposed to get off at the last place.
The train was done for the night, and no more would be running for four hours. As non-employees, we couldn't get off and leave through their service station. So, they cleaned the entire interior of the train with us on it. Then, drove the train to a new stop and opened several security gates just so we could get off.
soccerskyman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:37:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once. Never again.
c0mplexx ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:38:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happend to me this summer at The Netherlands tho at a train, somewhat fell asleep and the security guards were knocking on the windows for a while so I would get out. With it being the first time of me trying to actually go by myself outside of my home country the amount of anxiety I had was pretty insane
ZaMiLoD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:43:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that and looped around the wrong way (took an hour).. I try to avoid busses...
wuulala ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:07:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I once thought the same. Can't be arsed to cross the street to take the bus from the correct side of the street so I took it from the wrong side, thinking that it'll loop back eventually which I don't mind waiting for since I'm new to the city.
Ended up at the last stop at the next town where the bus goes to rest.
runoverbyahypetrain ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:07:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this a couple weeks ago, I had to awkwardly ask the driver for a transfer while he was getting off because I didn't have the change for another fare. Took almost two hours to get home when getting on the correct bus would've taken 5 minutes
Superkell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this my first time taking public transportation because I wanted to see what the route was and didn't realize it was retiring. It ended in the next town over and I walked 2 hours back instead of calling an Uber because I had never done that before and felt embarrassed.
andromeda154 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:57:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might be my son....I had to drive 30 minutes out of my way at peak hour to rescue him and he missed football practice. I told his coach why he he wasn't there; he gave him shit about it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:22:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too! Happened to me this summer in Amsterdam while riding the tram.
Pjabs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooooh I did this too.... except it was in Toronto... the bus took me from my city to Toronto as a 14 year old I was scared shitless
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, I did it in Toronto, when I was 14.
sivdoremi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha this happened to me in Japan, I thought it would loop but it didn't. The bus driver is really nice & didn't need us to pay for it.
HMCetc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what happened? Did you get told to get off or did you realise this after sitting on the vacant bus for half an hour?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was told to get off, and not politely. I had my rollerblades in my backpack, so I skated about half-way home, and got onto the subway when my patience ran out.
HMCetc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a shit day. Totally a situation I'd get myself into too.
ABirdCalledSeagull ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:53:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me, but in Ecuador, at night, and the route finished in a village of 50 people.
PM-ME-LPTs ยท 466 points ยท Posted at 15:46:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sounds like something i'd do. I'm crying
avanttard ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 16:00:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You okay?
MagentaWeeb ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 20:05:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is anyone?
-XP- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:23:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not really
JediOfTheShire ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:51:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They desperately need more LPTs
nutsaur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:13:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're crying too.
Bleach-Free ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They'll come around.
zombiegamer101 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:46:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi Crying. I'm zombiegamer101
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did it and the bus was the only one and driver had a dinner break.
naturemom ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 17:44:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I get on a random bus and ride the whole route just because I want to see where it takes me.
But I've done the thing where I pull the cord too soon and get off early and walk instead of telling the bus driver to wait a few more stops.
vensmith93 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:56:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was one time where I got on the bus to go across town, but instead of pulling the cord at my normal stop, I accidentally leaned on the cord about 2-3 stops after I got on (The seat I was on was in the back and the cord was more eye level than above head level)
I got off the bus and walked the rest of the way
somecow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:03:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt ride the bus often enough to know that theyโve added or removed stops, so I do this shit every time. I had to walk a mile once just because iโm a fucking space cadet.
bizitmap ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:14:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know a dude who did this with a car.
He was asked by his boss to drop off a vehicle at another office branch, and catch public transit back. It's only a few miles away. He gets on the freeway heading eastward when he should be going west. He figures it out after 20 minutes, but rather than yknow just turn around.... he panics over how dumb he's going to look in front of his boss and keeps driving for two hours. This is decades before cell phones, so when the boss people notice he's missing they have no way to contact him until he calls from a gas station.
Throwaway5466543 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:25:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this fairly late at night once and the only other people on the bus were 2 teenage kids. once I'd clocked that we were not going in the direction I'd expected one of the kids pipes up and asks the driver where he's going.. then realises his error and asks if they could stay on til it came back round the route. The driver started chewing them out about not paying attention and wasting his time.. I sat there listening to the whole thing pretending I hadn't done the exact same thing
batmanpyjamas ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:29:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once! I had just got off work at a somewhat new job and I had a few different bus route options to get home. It took almost an hour to go around. The worst part was when I got back to the stop by my work, a co-worker got on and asked me why I was there....
TristanTheViking ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:01:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a bus that had two stops near my school, one at the bottom of a hill and one at the top right next to the school. I naturally assumed that the route would be for the bus to go from the bottom to the top pretty quickly, since the bus went from the top to bottom in about thirty seconds.
Turns out the total bus route to get to the top of the hill went through three different neighbourhoods, a few miles of highway, took about two hours in all.
Kathwino ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:07:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this exact same thing.
Also I once got on the train on the wrong side of the track so it took me the wrong way. The instructor said I could just stay on the train until it looped back around but instead I got off at the next stop which was some tiny unknown village and went to the pub until the train came back.
soldemon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:46:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how would they know? just get off on the next station and don't say anything.
Runandwin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I'm confused about this too. If you get on the bus going the other direction and you simply get off on the next stop, wouldn't people just assume that that is your stop?
Mannion1 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 16:07:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My cousin moved to live with my immediate family from greece to london.
One day she was coming home on the bus in the winter and it was dark so she missed the stop. When she looked around she was in an area which is a known for being a little rougher. Not knowing where she was, she sunk into her seat and stayed on the bus for the next 2 hours till it terminated and called my dad to come and collect her. So obviously they asked her 'why didn't you just get off the bus earlier?' Her exact response was "i don't know there were a lot of black and Indian people, it was scary". Now she had only recently moved and clearly wasn't uses to living somewhere multicultural so damn apparently casual racism stops people getting off of a bus?
TributeToStupidity ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 16:57:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Chicago, there are absolutely places on the south side I wouldn't want to get off a bus at. It's demonstrably dangerous to do so. It's not racist to be realistic about the dangers of certain neighborhoods.
silversatire ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:06:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? Get off accidentally in Bucktown and the next thing you know you're wearing designer khakis and a polo on your way to a blacklight yoga session carrying a extra skinny latte, no whip, discussing the intricacies of organic buckwheat with your new best friend, wondering how you got there and why.
Not on the south side though. In some neighborhoods they really will fuck you up.
Cereborn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to a friend of a friend of mine. Scary shit.
JellyKapowski ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:35:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are some parts of the city that you just don't go to, public transit or driving. It's annoying when Google gives you the three fastest ways to get somewhere but they're all hood route.
optigrabz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:23:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs a whole fact. Google should have skull and crossbones sections on maps to help us avoid dangerous areas.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there's a massive difference between being scared to get off a bus because there's black and indian people there and getting dropped off in Englewood...
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 16:09:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Casual racism stops many people from driving through some areas, so it would likely stop them from being in those areas on foot.
Deckapuss ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 16:21:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I do this, I'll make an adventure out of it. Visit that town, say hi to one or two people, and suddenly it's an exciting trip.
DothrakAndRoll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you live in Europe?
Deckapuss ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 17:44:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, East Africa
Cereborn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would you say to a white North American to make them less scared of going to East Africa?
SinkTube ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"you probably wont get ebola"?
Deckapuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:20 on October 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, sorry I couldn't reply sooner.
Tbh, East Africa is only as dangerous as the news you watch. The rule of thumb is to visit a while after elections or before. You could visit for more than a month and not run out of sites to see or things to do.
Most countries a pretty small so you could visit a ton of places within a day or two of driving. My work involves routine visits to sites around Africa so I could give you tips on places to see.
Lastly, everything's cheap as fuck so 1000$ can easily cover a family 3 day weekend to almost anywhere.
The2kman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:44:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arthur, that you?
Turnbills ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:48:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I did almost the exact same thing and replied to the top comment bus story!
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/whats_the_dumbest_thing_youve_ever_done_solely/doa38y1/
525600Pepes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not just circle the globe at that point?
Llebanna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:15:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this my first week of being a freshman in college.
DONT-pm-me-ur-boobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking did this once.
Two bus routes goes through this same road I was at. One of them pretty just goes straight and the other takes a turn at another major road. Rode the former when i wanted the latter.
And so that i don't the same mistake again, at the end of the route, i just decided to walk back a mile and half to nearest correct bus stop.
demize95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this regularly, on purpose, because only one bus ran on that route so it made more sense to get on and let it loop around than to wait for it to loop around and get on.
StepDADoDRAGONS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once and had a great time talking to the bus driver. I guess thatโs not awkward tho bc I simply realized itโd be faster to stay on for the long haul. He would have picked me up on the way back.
shortstaxx713 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me once to. Only I was an 18 yr old girl and got dropped off in a chicago hood all by myself. Not a fun experience.
ZontaferGunnar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally just got done doing this. The ride was nice though.
AnotherLameUserName ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me but at the train station. My then boyfriend dropped me off at the station for me to get to class. I didn't make it to class.
Pykra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats what I did but luckily the train drives in a circle
Broke-n-Tokin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this exact same thing in college. Once the bus returned to where I got on, the bus driver gave me shit for taking the wrong route.
walkthroughthefire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once too. Went way out to the edge of town and I was the only person left on the bus. When we got to the last stop before the bus turns around, the driver asked me if I was getting off and I had to confess my shame. I was stuck on that bus for a good two and a half hours.
-VelvetBat- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this in Las Vegas after a late night show. A friend and I assumed the bus would loop around and go the direction of our hotel. Instead, after driving so far out of the city it was pitch black desert, the bus pulled into the terminal for the night. Thank goodness there was one more going back into the city. A ten minute ride turned into a three hour ride, and we finally got to our hotel at about three in the morning. Would not recommend.
MotherFuckingCupcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's kinda like when you are walking down the street and realize you forgot something. So you make a big show of checking your phone or making a face that clearly denotes, "Oh silly forgetful me!" Because just turning around with no warning would be weird. Even if you don't know any of the people around you.
samtherat6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just pretend that I've gotten a very important phone call, and have to leave, now.
cole2buhler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this once but I had cut class to get home a little early, by the time the route was done they picked one of my classmates
theoknem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this on the train once, thinking that I would catch another train back when the route finishes, but apparently it was the last one of the day
t_a_6847646847646476 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done the same thing before. It was on a route I was unfamiliar with, so I didn't even realize that it was going the wrong way until it took me to another city.
kaylashalayla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of reminds of of when Ross (from friends) accidentally took the bus to Canada or something crazy like that, just in hopes of talking to the girl next to him who was asleep the whole time, and when she woke up it was her stop to get off and she said, "aren't you gonna get off?" LOL
Squidbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I usually sleep on the bus, and I've never missed my stop because of it. But one time we were pulling up to a transfer station that's halfway through the route, and I had just woken up, still in that half asleep mindset
So I was riding bus 1, and I see another bus 1 pulling out of the station as we were pulling in. Me, in all my sleepy brilliance, thought "hey I can just get off here and catch that one before it leaves, that'll save me like 10 minutes". And I do exactly that, I get off the bus and sprint across the street to catch the other one before the light changes, and I make it
Then as I stand there on the new bus, still waking up but very proud of myself, I realize this bus is going the wrong way. I rode it for a few stops and then got off so that nobody would think I was a fucking idiot that just got on the wrong bus. I ended up having to wait for the next correct bus, actually wasted about 30 minutes
HMCetc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me too. I actually thought I'd gotten the wrong bus altogether so I got off (the bus was at the end of the route), checked the timetable and realised my error and got back on. Thankfully, after explaining to the driver I went the wrong way he just let me back on and I didn't have to pay 2 fares, but he did tell me I had to wait 10 minutes before we set off again. He was nice.
littlebirdmgc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:38:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
iโve done this! i was two and a half hours late getting home!
DWillows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh hey, are you me? I just posted about doing this elsewhere in the thread.
it Added two hours to my trip!
ShaidarHaran2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that once, but because the bus had the wrong sign on, and I assumed when it wasn't going my way that there was some sort of detour. Ended up at the opposite end terminal, had to ride the same bus back.
Gravediggersbiscuitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:25 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
youd have to be a silly willy to do this u/stansburywhore
DothrakAndRoll ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How old are you? This sounds like something I would absolutely do when I was younger.
goldbricker83 ยท -29 points ยท Posted at 15:47:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's pretty dumb indeed, no one would have noticed or cared. I think you may be a narcissist if you honestly think random strangers are that focused on you.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:07:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or social anxiety..
vhantas ยท 2146 points ยท Posted at 17:33:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I, for some reason, was too lazy to get up and pee (upon waking up in the middle of the night). Though the bathroom was only a few doors over- everyone was asleep and would possibly know I was peeing due to the quiet of the night. There was an obvious solution.
I consciously pissed myself right there.
Defiantly, and with a determined expression, deciding I would deal in the morning. Thus, thoroughly soaking the bed.
I then attempted to go back to sleep. Realizing my mistake, I can't sleep like this, I went and told my parents I pissed myself in my sleep and asked them to change the sheets. They did, but then to make it seem less weird, I acted as if this was a very common occurrence. It wasn't.
I had to wear huggies/night diapers at the age of 10, every night from then on, and especially to sleepovers (peeing in someone else's bed would theoretically be worse).
All because I could not look my mom in the eyes and say I pissed myself on purpose, with forethought. This was 5th grade.
egyptianhitler ยท 921 points ยท Posted at 18:59:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pissed myself at a sleepover in the 5th grade. We all shared a bed (about 4 10 year olds in a king sized) and no one said anything so I assumed no one noticed. Shit still haunts me to this day.
Blazing_blue_burrito ยท 841 points ยท Posted at 19:55:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Each person probably thought that they were the ones who pissed themselves
egyptianhitler ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 19:56:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NO WONDER NO ONE SAID ANYTHING
greenpuddles ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:00:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure it was you?
egyptianhitler ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 22:00:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pretty sure
E72M ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:42:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry you did nothing wrong
jd_ekans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:54:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't said enough
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:49:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry you did nothing wrong
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:46:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
plot twist: OP wasn't even the one who did it
probablymic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:21:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They probably did.
redbookbluebook ยท 297 points ยท Posted at 19:30:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Them's some real friends
zabuu ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:01:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They all chipped in, really.
fedo_cheese ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:39:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plot twist: They put your hand in a cup of warm water and then when it actually worked they freaked and didn't know what to do. Right then and there they made a pact to never talk about it again, and none of them have to this day.
egyptianhitler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
makes sense
NotTheKindOfGirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:47:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wet the bed at a weekend sleepover. I wet it on the Friday night, didn't tell anybody. On the Saturday night another girl wanted to trade beds (my bed was prime position in the middle). I agreed.
She didn't say anything.
Didn't know if she kept quiet because she was a good friend, or if she didn't notice at first and then maybe thought it was her.
egyptianhitler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow thats deep. also 4 beds at a sleepover what?? was it sleeping bags or something??
lemonfluff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:46:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is hilarious.
egyptianhitler ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:50:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
glad to know 10 year old me pissing the bed with 3 other kids is hilarious
lemonfluff ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:53:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, this is a funny story. It's a funny thread!
egyptianhitler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hell yeah man
bossdogs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago two of my buddies shared a bed super drunk, woke up covered in piss. To this day the slightest mention has them hurling accusations about who did it
Oliver_Kl0z0v ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 18:49:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow just wow
MissFordhamRoad ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:12:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I completely pissed myself while I was sleeping and I was like fourteen. Never happened before, never happened again. I told my dad and he was like โweird but okayโ
NotMyThrowawayNope ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same deal with me around the same age. Ever since then I have this phobia of it happening again.
Arcturus043 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:57:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a weak bladder until I was about 15, so this was a common occurrence for me. Thankfully this is no longer the case; I would often force myself to refrain from drinking any liquid past 6pm and sleep thirsty as hell, so I couldn't sleep anyway. Funnily enough, this also resulted in a awkward moment where on a school trip when I was 12, I brought pyjama pants in my suitcase since we were staying in a chateau over a week. My best friends were in the same room as me and I had to guard my suitcase with my life lest they find the pants. I missed out on hot chocolate a lot, since we'd all get some every night before sleeping. The last night I just drank loads and ended up staying awake all night to avoid any "accidents" >_<
FastTurtleFour ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:03:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet Jesus
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:01:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i got a bad infection 2 yrs ago, i was so scared of peeing because i didnt want my parents to think i was staying up late
elyisgreat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:18:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When did it stop?
vhantas ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:25:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just stopped wearing after a long few months and never mentioned it again. Still enough to scar a brother.
Grenyn ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:32:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once woke up super sleepdrunk, like reality was barely registering.
I knew I had to pee and that peeing in my bed was a bad idea but I didn't want to get up and decided to just pee and deal with it later just like you.
I think I did go back to sleep though.
Log-Lady ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:31:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didnโt you just change the sheets yourself?
vhantas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:35:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were in the attic.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Log-Lady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thatโs around the age my mom taught me how to do laundry. Pretty sure she did the normal sheet changes herself but the sheets were just in the closet. If I peed the bed and didnโt want anyone to know I would have just gotten them and changed it myself.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Log-Lady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah at that age I certainly wouldnโt have been up doing laundry in the middle of the night, maybe just changed the sheets on the bed and she would have found out in the morning anyway when she saw the dirty sheets
dI--__--Ib ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:00:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Daniel?
Kinax3 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:16:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my brother?
vhantas ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:28:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe but wouldn't admit if I was. Good luck.
RustyCraftKnife ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:45:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hey, its u, my brother
Eleanorgotaway ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:56:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been my favourite. Just hilarious.
HeartOChaos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did a similar thing. Recently, (I'm a teen) I was too lazy to pee in the bathroom after waking up. I thought it was the middle of the night. I opened the window, and pissed out of it, before my brother came in and told me to take the dog out. It was actually early in the morning. Not only did my parents chew me out, but my elderly neighbor was feeding her horses 200 yards away. (We live in the countryside.)
cpt_pancreas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:20:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you just not open your eyes or something?
HeartOChaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We wake up around six, so it was still kind of dark
mewcherrymew7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in the fifth grade we had a field day where we would stay outside at a park and play games. There was an old building that was rumored to be haunted where we were supposed to go to use the bathroom. We had to have partners go with us but no one wanted to go with the weird girl so I had to go with a coach. She didn't even go in the building with me she just waited by the door outside. I walked through the door down the hall around the corner and stood there for a few minutes faking like I went because I was terrified of being in that building alone. To relieve myself I waited until we had a water activity and just let it all come out. I couldn't get all of it out because it was timed but the slight relief was still there. When I was getting back into line a boy berated me and told me he knew that I peed myself. He got other students to chant with him that I peed myself then screamed at my face "YOU'RE PEEING RIGHT NOW!"....I then could feel myself releasing hot urine down my leg. I suppose out of the anxiety of the situation I lost control of my bladder and released the rest of my held in urine in that moment.
Also, I did the exact same thing you did in your story when I was 15 years old. The regret was instantaneous. Fun times being a pile of cringe.
Two-Tu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:40:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shiiiet.
I had a friend sleeping over at my place. The bathroom was literally 4 metres away but that dude decided to piss into the blanket (which we provided him and which we also would normally use to cover our couch in the living room) instead of going to the bathroom. Of course, he didn't tell anyone. The next day, he left and the blanket was put back on the couch. I was sitting there, watching tv when I noticed the smell of urine. I tracked the source of the smell back to the blanket and thought, 'hold on, that's the blanket we gave my friend!'. So I asked him openly if he'd pissed into the blanket and he admitted it. As far as I remember, he was either too lazy or just too shy to use the bathroom nextdoor in the middle of the night. He didn't really want talk about it. Must have been super awkward for him and so I let him pass with it.
We are still really good friends, tho xD
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:11:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at least you weren't outed wearing boner-hiding apparatus
bbtvvz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:17:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You win this thread, hands down. I love your commitment to the story.
seeingeyegod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and that;s how you ended up with a weird fetish.
grilledcakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:17:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to school with a guy who rather than wake his parents and sister up when he had to pee in the middle of the night kept a stockpile of empty two liter soda bottles under his bed to pee in. He's wait until three of them were full and his family was out to go throw them away in the outside trash.
pitathegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My husband had this same guy for a roommate!
GrandmaPoopCorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LMAO this one wins in my book
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:15 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've pissed the bed in adulthood once. Never before and never again. Fuck if I know why. Never had a problem as a kid, was diaper free at age 2. So like, I don't think admitting it just happened once is any worse than a repeated event.
Lunchboxers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:25 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend when I was younger who had to wear huggies for that very reason, peter?
[deleted] ยท 156 points ยท Posted at 19:12:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sprained my ankle last weekend and continued hiking on it because I didn't want any of the people I overtook to overtake me again and see that I hurt myself while being extraโข
My ankle is still swollen to the size of a baseball.
dabriela ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:54:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what were you doing that was extra?
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:11:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Running up a crowded mountain trail and jumping from rock to rock. I realize it looks super autistic, but it's really fun to do. But I couldn't let people know that I'd fallen victim to the obvious, inevitable outcome of what I was doing.
Lightningseeds ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your verbage is so trendy
FocsBLAC ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:37:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Overtaking them
chr1531n3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:14 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So funny!
fillydelphia ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 22:00:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, gosh. So one of the few vacations I've been on, we went to this little beach town. We went in all the little shops including a jewelry shop. I don't even like jewelry, what was I doing there!!!!?? I don't know. Anyways, I'm looking at these earrings (didn't even like them) & one of the ladies working asked if I wanted to look at them. I didn't. My mind said no but my mouth said yes. Wtf. So she gets them out and she's like "oh, wow! They'd look great on you!" I'm flattered by this. "Oh, really?" I ask. "How much are they?" "Let me see" she says "oh, they're only seven fifty! Would you like me to bag them up for you?" No, I don't like jewelry says my brain, "yes, of course!" Says my mouth. So she's bagging them up, another lady behind her, she says the amount again so I whip out a $10 out of my purse, Slam it on the counter, Hell, I might even tip her the change. She again says "seven fifty" staring at me & I'm staring at her, confused. How is $10 not covering this? Some weird tax or something, so I slowly, looking awkward as fuck at her pull out a fifty........ as she looks at me, eyebrows raised, smirk on her fucking face, " seven HUNDRED fifty"
My jaw drops.
Embarrassed hick in this fucking jewelry shop. Where I don't even belong. Get me out of here. I say, "oh, never mind then" & RAN. THE. FUCK. AWAY.
Ugh.
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 04:47:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In retrospect, I'd have said "for THESE?!" and faked scoffed back. At the time I would have done exactly what you did.
PrinceOfCups13 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 07:58:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'll not pay more than five dollars apiece for these tacky baubles madame
FauxGingerSnapped ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 20:42:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only the cost of my monthly rent...
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 2993 points ยท Posted at 18:13:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strap in, boys.
First time I made out with my first girlfriend. Had never kissed anyone before. We were on the couch dry humping, and I started thinking of anything I could to stifle my boner. She starts going at it harder, and I still stay soft. Against my will. By thinking about the Pythagorean theorem or some dumb shit.
She finally leaves and then tries to break up with me because she thought I just wasn't attracted to her. I was so confused and said I def was and she asked why I didn't get hard then. I literally blurted out "wait, girls like it when you get hard?" OH GOD WHY?!
She said "ummm... duh?" and I turned red. Luckily I somehow was quick enough on my feet to say "Ohhhh, the last girl I made out with (who didn't exist) was creeped out by boners so I tried to not get hard as I assumed all women thought it was gross."
She bought it. But what the hell was I doing?!
Shotgun_Sniper ยท 1978 points ยท Posted at 20:02:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was possibly the best recovery you could have made in that situation.
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:45:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Failed attempt:
"ohhh, i hadn't taken off my boner hiding apparatus"
AmazingPenis574 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 21:44:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Second Wind
WastingTimeIGuess ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:39:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this thread - that is damm smooth.
MaDanklolz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:40:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better would have been a boner to show her.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was pretty decent.
TheMoogy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:14:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could probably have done it without talking about presenting exes with his boner.
snorlz ยท 440 points ยท Posted at 22:01:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
im more impressed that as a horny teenager you were able to prevent a boner through sheer will
[deleted] ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 00:10:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Jmc_da_boss ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:49:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the power of awkwardness
Fluffy_Potato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:37:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why are you always bored?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:10:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Fluffy_Potato ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:26:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is choosing a dvd for tonight
_DeletedUser_ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:26:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously! When I was a teenager I could have gotten a boner at my grandma's funeral.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know! I'm 33 and still get one when I get hit with the wind right.
Revenger109 ยท 656 points ยท Posted at 20:27:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speech-100
Merlord ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:29:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rolling a natural 20 on a charisma check
Haruhi_Fujioka ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:05:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Restoration: 100
Interteen ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 22:11:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP's recovery was like jumping out of a plane into a fucking haystack.
wuulala ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:43:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The assassin creed kind you mean
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:11:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best description of all time. Kudos
Eggerslolol ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 21:37:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first kiss with my first girlfriend we were stood up and in order to avoid her feeling my growing member I tried to manoeuvre my hips away while still doing the kiss and we ended up nearly tripping over my desk as I wheeled us both awkwardly sideways.
Scylene ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:49:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm dying
Iโm picturing like a full cartwheel
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:15:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. Teen boys and their boners, amiright?
Eggerslolol ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:17:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
u r rite
lemonfluff ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 22:45:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, it must suck being a man. I get bored at work I can think about anything and no one will ever know. You guys, have to focus on Pythagorean.
MrPokinatcha ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:52:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still better than bleeding out of your genitals once a month :)
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:11:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BonerStifling2 + IncreasedDryHumping2 = Awkwardness2
lemonfluff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:27:46 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahah
= the square route of sex
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 01:46:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To last longer in bed I think about how satisfying it would be to build a barn. Like by hand, I live in the city, I have no where to build a barn, I once got into a fight with an ex cause I got soft cause I was thinking more about the barn than her. Some days I think I would make a kick ass barn builder.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:04:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing. I have a feeling I'm going to picture barns next time I have sex.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:07:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't just picture barns! Put excessive thought into the process of building one! Like the Amish would! Don't spend too much time worrying about the hayloft though cause I have found that leads to the idea of sex in a hayloft and can hurt the cause.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:16:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But what does it say about me if I cum immediately when I picture building the barn?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:19:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You may be Amish?
[deleted] ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 22:02:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:13:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was not easy, and required a zen-like state.
I couldn't do it now either. My guess is since I didn't know how wonderful vagina was yet, I was able to refrain.
Working_Lurking ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 23:30:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solid title for your debut album.
brandonsh ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 01:16:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure it's already the title of a Fall Out Boy song.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:09:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit man... that sounds just like an early 2000's emo album.
Tou-fucking-che
Picard2331 ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 20:03:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh don't worry, first time I made out with my first girlfriend I did the giant gaping maw make out style and everyone was horrified and she started laughing lol Gotta start somewhere!
[deleted] ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 22:01:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone?? Why did you have an audience?
riotcowkingofdeimos ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:35:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy confidences.
gigastack ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 19:41:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, good recovery at least.
FISTED_BY_CHRIST ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 23:31:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A+ recovery right there. I remember first time I ever made out with a girl my dick could have cut diamonds
YoungHotStalin69 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 21:30:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you may have saved me a lot of trouble if I ever have a girlfriend in the future.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:58:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you never get hard they'll never know your dick is small.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:03:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining the gif meme of the black dude tapping his finger against his head.
redditingatwork31 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:47:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL, that was a nice save, man.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:15:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The human mind (before having sex) is a magical thing.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:35:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know the story of Pentecost where God himself grants the Apostles the ability to speak in all tongues? Yeah you got a smidge of that then.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahaha fucking losing it over here.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome!
dispatch134711 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:49:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, which way are we trying to go again??
linwail ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But.. Why would you think that?!
Engastrimyth ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:20:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some girls really don't like them. The last girlfriend I had would physically move away when she noticed.
linwail ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:25:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not trying to sound rude but is she a lesbian?
Engastrimyth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:34:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao no, just awkward. I was her first boyfriend. She was also an adopted only child by older parents. We were seniors in high school and had been dating a couple years.
bluejadedemon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:07:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oof poor girl. Hopefully she'll get used to them haha!
Engastrimyth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:54:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehh I wouldn't necessarily say that. I would consider myself kind of conservative when it comes to that kind of stuff, so I didn't mind. It was kind of cute even. Not to mention I am kind of awkward myself.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:14:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cuz I was a virgin 17 year old kid with no concept of how women think.
Also, I think it may be related to the fact that if someone popped a woody in class, they got teased relentlessly. I guess I assumed boners = what a loser?
IDK I'm retarded.
notmebutjim ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dry humping trying your best to not be hard hahahaha thats like milking a cow while having the lid of your bucket on.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:33:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude have you seen the other's replies? You're like a smooth God in comparison
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:47 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently so
DWillows ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:58:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
meanwhile, I had the opposite problem. Making out with my first girlfriend hard as steel and dry humping on the couch was too good. Things ALMOST ended quite awkwardly, considering I had an hour walk home shortly afterwords.
At one point, there was only a one thrust difference between us enjoying ourselves and an awkward explanation from me with her on top of my lap. Thankfully she chose that exact moment to swap up positions.
Colonelantlers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds wayy too similar to some of my first experiences with my high school date
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you me?
Colonelantlers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont want to make any assumptions, but..
suchbsman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:47:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy has game, and probably fucks too
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:06:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy USED to fuck, now he's married. So he still fucks, but just the one person.
...
... FOR NOW
TheTitanOfWar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not awkward, thats the recovery of a lifetime.
Swordopolis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy clearly came here to brag about his 10/10 recovery
MrGoatOnABoat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus in high school I used to get ragers just from hugging my girlfriend from behind, cannot relate to this. Nice save though.
TerpsMakeMeDrink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was not easy to stay soft.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let this be recorded in history as a master recovery.
Buerdax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In case I'll ever get a girlfriend, it will probably just be like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude have you seen the other's replies? You're like a smooth God in comparison
Grenyn ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck people whose first thought is to break up though.
Edit: downvotes, really? Is it not better to talk if you have an issue? Are impulsive decisions like breaking up over the smallest thing happening the way to go?
Working_Lurking ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 23:31:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I like my 14 year olds to be wise and make nuanced, well considered decisions.
Grenyn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was never mentioned that they are 14 in the story.
AramisNight ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 01:26:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who doesn't? I mean if they only have 4 years to adulthood and they still can't manage that, then they are either developmentally challenged or their parents and teachers have been failing them for the last 14 years and wasting the kids time.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:47:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know at 14, that's most people's first experience with the opposite sex in an intimate setting, right?
AramisNight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:40 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aside from not being one, how does that relate to making wise and nuanced decisions.
oreotiger ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:15:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
they are not "4 years out from adulthood", they are having their first romantic encounters and are over a decade out from having a fully-baked brain.
AramisNight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:44 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When did having sex or a less fully developed brain mean that they cannot make wise or nuanced decisions?
flipping_birds ยท -12 points ยท Posted at 21:18:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect awkward/awesome penguin material if you could fit that story onto a meme.
iEpidemics ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 01:31:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll get boners at work and women will go with it and be flirty and then I kill the vibe by going into "serious mode" as if I don't have a boner... Probably not wise to get aroused at work but no one's brought it up to me in the 3 years I've been there. Even seen the camera angles from my bosses desk, then again the cameras are only checked when something goes missing.
Fishingislife45 ยท 1421 points ยท Posted at 16:37:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally happened yesterday evening. My girlfriends mom made hamburgers and after the first bite I realized it was raw. I proceeded to eat 2/3 of the burger waiting on my girlfriend to take a bite out hers so she could tell her mom they were raw.
[deleted] ยท 253 points ยท Posted at 17:57:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Food poisoning for you!
[deleted] ยท -48 points ยท Posted at 22:11:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FlyingRainbowLlama ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 22:16:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not with hamburgers since it's ground. Theoretically ground is also way worse since it probably came from many cows = higher risk of disease.
But I eat raw beef tartar often, and so does everyone else in my family and no one's ever had food poisoning. As long as you find a good butcher who makes sure not to get e.coli from the intestines, then you're probably good. EDIT: I wrote this for the another comment but I ended up deleting it since it was a bit irrelevant for his comment: raw beef is not necessarily gonna make you sick, but tell your butcher/professional you're eating beef tatar, and ask him if they prepare it to standard. Get recommendations and tips from them (they probably also taste the sausage mix since it's fresh pork meat, so they know when it's good to eat and when it's not) Ofc it comes with a risk - from the beef and the egg yolk, but it is so worth it to get the more expensive stuff, for your health's sake! Stay safe! But your situation might differ from mine. Where you live it might not be safe to eat raw meat, but where I live both raw meat and eggs are completely safe for consumption due to certain farming practices over the last 20 years.
Edit 2: the commenter above wasn't exactly wrong. He was just confusing ground meat with a steak. In theory a nice, seared steak WILL be safe to eat even if the inside is still frozen. There's a city in the US known for their method of cooking steak which is called the [city name] searing or something, where they just sear the outsides and eat the steak otherwise raw! Though there are exceptions, but you'd probably have gotten sick from a bad steak unless you cooked it to well-done - but don't quote me on that. I'm not a doctor or vet or anything like that so I'm just speaking from experience and such.
not_alot ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 23:35:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to say I appreciate your expansive knowledge of burgers. It always fascinates me when people talk about things they know intimately. I'd love to learn about it more when I can afford to pay a local butcher.
Or afford to buy food.
mrbibs350 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:08:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You only wanna flip burgers twice. I don't know why, I just know you do.
Burgers are like trigonometry to me. I know how to use a cosine, even though I have no fucking clue what it is.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:10:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was told it was because if you keep flipping it, it'll make it drier. I don't normally cook though so, don't quote me.
mcmb211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put on grill, cook halfway, flip once, cook the other side. Add cheese and devour. I usually do 6-8 minutes each side depending on how big I made the burgers. I'm not great at it, but you can use your spatula to press on the burger and see how done it is. More squishy = less done. For steak I use the thumb meat test.
If you keep flipping it the patty is losing heat and it won't penetrate the center, just keep cooking the outermost layer and turning it to burger jerky.
FlyingRainbowLlama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! Heard that too! Get a thermometer too, so you know exactly how to cook it. You don't need the best of quality for a hamburger, but then you want to responsibly cook it.
Also remember the aftee-cooking. You might be aiming at a feeling and then only leave it on the cutting board for a few minutes and then be disappointed when you dig into your burger and find that the meat is almost a hockey puck!
FlyingRainbowLlama ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:24:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not an expert at all though! I just grew up with home cooking class during a raw meat&eggs epidemic and my teacher's teachings of doomsday and imminent danger if we even as much as dared look at raw meat, kind of ruined my view on food.
Then my grandma recently took me out for her favorite and I tried beef tatar which is raw meat and raw eggs! It was delicious and I decided to look it up a bit - watching some YouTube videos, looking at how masterchefs cook and I kind of realized that good quality raw beef isn't as dangerous as I was led to believe. From what I can gather the only real danger in the richer parts of the world, is if the butcher accidentally punctures the intestines so you get the risk of e.coli. But even then you shouldn't rush into raw beef or pork or poultry - our stomachs are barely even made for cooked meat and you could very well get sick just from eating a completely new thing.
But again, not an expert and only talking out of my own experience and what I'd feel safe eating. Your region is probably different and your butcher is educated enough to know exactly what to do and if it's even safe to eat tatar where you live. And if you want to eat at a restaurant: treat it like sushi or raw oysters (not exactly the same in terms of bacteria but these spoil very easily). You wouldn't eat that at a random grill, right? You'd find a nice place. Do the same for this and don't be afraid to ask questions.
yoyomangi ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 22:14:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not with burgers, cause what was the surface gets all mixed up inside it in the process of becoming a burger, so you have to cook it all the way through.
LuckyDane ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 22:15:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh, didn't think of that, good point
KypDurron ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:56:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe in theory this is true with cuts of meat, but not with ground beef.
Ground meat is, like the name suggests, ground up, and in the process bacteria can get al throughout the meat, not just on the surface.
That's why a lot of restaurants will allow you to order rare and very rare steaks, but burgers have to be cooked more fully.
trey3rd ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:30:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing with burgers is that they're made with ground beef, which makes the surface get mixed in throughout all of it.
klye7952 ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 20:34:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've eaten raw burgers before. But I also like them rare. What happened when your girlfriend bit into hers?
Fishingislife45 ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 23:40:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She told her mom it was raw and then freaked out that I had already ate so much of mine....I tried to play it off that it wasn't that bad but they knew I was lying.
buttaholic ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:19:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It's so good that I'll finish the rest right now!!"
TheSinningRobot ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:06:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many questions. Like isnt the more of tue burger you eat the more awkward it is? Why not eat slowly so you didn't have to eat so much before your girlfriend ate hers
bed_42 ยท -19 points ยท Posted at 04:54:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand that second sentence at all.
[deleted] ยท -62 points ยท Posted at 23:53:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Brokecubanchris ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 00:08:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like you're kind of being a dick, but maybe I'm seeing your comment a certain way.
Clarityy ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:20:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the CORRECT way
shotpaintballer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:20:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, are you questioning him bro?
Brokecubanchris ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 00:23:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro I'm questioning him hard, but also giving him benefit of the doubt. I thought it'd be the more bro-ppropriate thing to do
shotpaintballer ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:40:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro you're probably right bro.
ddrddrddrddr ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:08:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She realized her boyfriend must be an idiot who doesnโt know when a burger is raw.
Elcatro ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:53:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably doesn't even know what a potato is.
intergalactic-title ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 22:48:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got chicken at a restaurant that wasnโt cooked all the way. Ate most of it and ended up convincing my date that we should walk around Barnes & Noble for a bit. I told him I needed to pee real fast and Iโd find him and proceeded to have violent diarrhea in the bathroom. Then I looked very interested in whatever was directly outside the bathroom when he found me so he wouldnโt think Iโd been in the bathroom the whole time.
acsull ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 03:51:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Noble. And I'm sorry I told everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now"
that_snarky_one ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:04:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got salmonella poisoning in high school and almost died. You're very lucky.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 09:23:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:-(
lightsouler ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:16:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to my exs for dinner once, and her step mom made burgers. Everyone in that family liked their meat well-done, and I like my burger to not taste like leather. So when she gave me my burger it was, of course, raw. Ate the whole thing. Shat my brains out the next day
TrippyJesus ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:17:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to me once with a steak on my auntโs house. Halfway through she said โoh no we really need to put that one on the grill longerโ.
I just said โno itโs fine I like it like thisโ as I chewed on bloody, nearly-raw fat.
sirtophat ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 22:32:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steak is supposed to be red inside
Lolwhatisfire ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 23:44:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But still cooked.
sirtophat ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 00:05:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well yeah if you're a casual
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:31:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want a whole live cow brought to my table! I'll carve off what I want and ride the rest home!
jd_ekans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But not 'cooked' cooked
TrippyJesus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:20 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I order my steaks medium rare or medium, but this was more like seared. It had a ton of raw fat still.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:07:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol I can relate with this one
chrisannunzio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:19:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When this happens I think to myself... W.W.G.R.D?
What Would Gordon Ramsay Do?
filemeaway ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:18:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT'S RAW!
teh_maxh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put his hands on either side of your head and ask what you are?
Skipzilla_killa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An idiot sandwich!
drbaker87 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 17:59:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude...you could have had food poisoning. People have become paraplegics or died because of raw meat.
CaptainUnusual ยท 221 points ยท Posted at 21:23:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But at least they didn't have to tell someone they cooked something improperly.
thatgermanperson ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:59:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should try Mettbrรถtchen. It's delicious and I never heard of anyone getting sick of it.
mcmb211 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:35:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think there was an r/shittyfoodporn pic about this the other day, but apparently it's called Cannibal Sandwiches in Wisconsin? Minnesota? Somewhere.
thatgermanperson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Mettigel ('ground pork hedgehog') would definitely qualify for that subreddit.
mcmb211 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's both the cutest and grossest thing I've seen today, and I have kids and puppy.
doveinabottle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wisconsin for sure. Someone from Minnesota can chime it's called a cannibal sandwich there too.
Frugalfoodie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:20:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt remember much of my high school German, but Iโm guessing that translates to โmeat on breadโ
thatgermanperson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much, yeah. Mett is ground pork. Maybe add a little bit of spices to it. Put it on a well buttered roll and top it off with a few pieces of onion.
This is my personal favorite when looking for a snack at a bakery or shops that offer rolls with toppings.
tenjuu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:40:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've eaten plenty of raw stuff, mostly out of either desperation or drunkeness. Chicken, pork, ground beef. I always order my steaks blue if the restaurant I am at will serve them that way. Have yet to get the slightest bit sick from anything. Maybe I have an iron stomach, or just been lucky.
OrginalCanadian ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:39:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
steaks are fine because the meat is inside and beef rarely has bacteria inside that can cause damage.
Chicken has bacteria though. And pork has parasites.
Ground beef is essentially mixing all the bacteria from the outside of the meat to the inside.
ToxicDuck867 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:05:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone else may have mentioned this, but you can do raw ground beef as long as you fresh grind it and use it before bacteria can start growing. It's just as safe as eating a medium rare steak.
What I'm going to say below is riskier, but I think it's worth mentioning if you're able to properly source your meat.
If you have good quality pork you can undercook it a tiny bit, the risk of parasites in todays farming industry is quite rare. The risk is trichinellosis but it's only really an issue when the animals are being fed random scraps and such, so if the pig your consuming was raised on a regulated diet the risk is super low.
Killedkarma ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:09:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only from shitty factory farmed meat or due to improper food handling, here in Japan people eat raw liver, horse, fish (obviously), eggs and even RAW FUCKING CHICKEN!
I can't get over my programmed fear of raw chicken but I want to try it at least once, it looks disgusting though...
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 18:21:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat Raw Meat = Blood Drool
FISTED_BY_CHRIST ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:29:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit you just reminded me of something. One time when I was like 10 I was eating dinner at my friends house and his mom made steak. It was cooked so well done (my parents always made it medium rare) and chewy that it took me like 3 whole minutes to chew up each bite. Everyone else finished eating way before me and I slowly and painfully finished every bite on my plate with them all watching asking if anything was wrong.
DirtySoapFlakes ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:38:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a similar one too! My family were pretty poor when I was growing up so my auntie often fed us - either round at her house or by bringing fresh fruit and tupperwares of stews, soups, curries and rice for the freezer (she's a saint). Her family are jamaican and we're (white) English so occasionally when we were round she'd cook something she hadn't made for us before and I wouldn't really know what it was. This one day, she made this chicken dish I'd not had before, and for some reason I got confused and didn't want to seem rude by leaving any of it, so I crunched my way through this big piece of cartilage and a bit of bone. At the end, everyone was sat there with pieces of bone and cartilage on their plates like normal human beings who know how to eat food meanwhile mine was suspiciously empty. I'm still cringing now but I bet she found it funny. A few years later, one of my little brothers was really into eating chicken spines (Lord knows why) so in my head I always tell myself "it's ok, some people just like eating chicken bones..."
Caramelthedog ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:28:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriends mum cooks steak like this. Thankfully boyfriend is willing to cook my steak for to a non tortured degree.
1deafvet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:43:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why you need to carry a McDonalds cup with you at all times.
vegan_butt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:47:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did exactly this one time with soup. It had already gone bad. So I waited for my boyfriend to try it and say something. SO's mom and grandma ask me "why didn't you say something?". I just awkwardly answer "i didn't notice" and got weird looks from all the family.
the6crimson6fucker6 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:48:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's normal everyday food in germany. We call it "Hackbrรถtchen", and it's one of the most delicious things on this planet.
thatgermanperson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn you, my mouth is watering now.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! Cannibal Sandwiches!
QweenieDog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this at a boyfriends house when I was 16
DrHaggans ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like not cooked at all raw? She forgot to put the on the grill or stove?
TheArtofDoingScience ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:45:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raw hamburgers are my personal nightmare. At every BBQ I will ask the guy running the grill to cook mine extra dark because I guess seeing pink meat gives me an anxiety attack.
The worst is when I'm at a small gathering where they aren't cooking burgers en masse and mine turns out raw (the only one that is raw, mind you, because I just attract that kind of torture), and I don't know what to do because I can't eat it, but also I can't tell the cook, "Hey this burger is raw," but also people will wonder what's going on if I just leave it on my plate, but also there aren't enough to just cook another one . . .
Let's just say that most of the BBQs I go to now are ones I host myself.
iEpidemics ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:47:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little did you know, her mom did that on purpose to see if you'd call her out on it. Now she's going to make everything raw for you...
That sounds sexual, but fuck it.
Fishingislife45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:11:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Butt fuck it?
pd_mech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this with turkey dinner on Thanksgiving one year. Luckily I didnโt get really sick. I even went as far as saying it was delicious and juicy.
MoonPoolActual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you're not dead yet?
notmebutjim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gordan Ramsey would never
AddictiveSombrero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You probably shouldn't eat raw meat, you know.
slunch ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean raw or do you mean not burnt to a crisp?
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like rare burgers...
verybadmilkshake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My gf decided to prank me by giving me a dog cookie that looked like regular cookies and I ate the whole nasty thing not wanting to tell her she was a terrible cook.
RNGPriest ยท -28 points ยท Posted at 19:50:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best part of homemade burgers is licking your fingers after mixing and shaping the patty... Which makes it awkward that I still fry them like everyone else, even though I prefer them raw...
FarmTaco ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 21:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What...
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 21:41:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how are you not dead yet
RNGPriest ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:47:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I die a little bit inside every time I cook a burger, so just give it enough time I guess ยฏ\(ใ)/ยฏ
thatgermanperson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:02:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's wrong with your meat?
____GHOSTPOOL____ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:06:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
> not just taking a bite out of the cow itself
Its like you don't even enjoy your food.
sunnycmg ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...did she?
[deleted] ยท 977 points ยท Posted at 18:02:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so ridiculous. I used to get bronchitis every fall, and when I had it my junior year of high school I would launch into the most embarrassing, disgusting, longest-lasting, disruptive coughing fits around the same time every day in my psychology class, right in the middle of my (super intimidating) teacher's lecture. The teacher would look over and raise her eyebrows at me and make comments like, "Alright, are you dying over there?" I always had a bottle of water and cough drops with me, so I would start by taking a few sips and popping a Halls to see if it would help, and it rarely did...at least not for long. And because I had terrible body image/confidence issues back then, the last thing I wanted to do was rush out of the room to the hall or bathroom, hacking my head off, so that everyone would stare at me. To prevent having to do that and to stop drawing so much attention to myself during coughing fits in class, I would do dumb shit like hold my breath, clamp my hands over my mouth as hard as I could, and hold phlegm in my mouth until class was over. I was such a basketcase. I mean...I still am, I just display it in different ways now.
ally-saurus ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 23:46:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, the church that my family went to gave all the Sunday School students their own Bible with their name embossed on the cover, at the completion of their third grade year. It was the best because it was SO FANCY and my sisters and I would use it as a prop for any game where we needed an official-looking book, but so far my older sister was the only one to get one so she had a monopoly on Fancy Book props in our house. I was psyched to get my own and not need to rely on her anymore. We were, in case you can't tell, not a religious family at all; my parents took us to church largely because, and this is actually direct from my mom, "We wanted you to know all that bullshit already so that if you ever go through a tough time as an adult, no one sucks you into some dumb cult by telling you Jesus loves you know matter what."
So they would do this fancy little ceremony when they gave the Bibles to the students. idk, I guess that since we didn't get any cool Catholic rituals or whatever, my church just made their own. All the graduating third-graders would get up in front of the church and the pastor would go down the line saying a few kind words about each student and things he hoped for them in the future, etc. I was the last one in the line of kids so I was just chilling up there in front of the congregation. Suddenly I got that awful dry patch in my throat. You know the one. You just know it's going to turn into a huge awful coughing fit. You try to swallow a lot, to like re-hydrate it or some shit, but no. Once it's there, you're fucked.
So the pastor is on, like, kid #2 and I start swallowing as though my life depends on it. I just cannot bear the idea of having a huge endless coughing fit (they are always endless, aren't they) in front of the whole congregation. It doesn't help so I start holding my breath, because, you know, THAT'LL help. A few seconds later the coughs start convulsing out of me but I'm still trying to suffocate them by suffocating myself, and also drown them in swallows, so as they burst forth they bring tears to my eyes. A few moments later, tears are full-on streaming down my face while I shudder with cough convulsions. But, you know, no ACTUAL coughing, so 8-year old me feels like I'm still winning this fight.
Finally the pastor gets to me and I cannot even see him through all the tears in my eyes. He says a few nice things about me and I choke back sobs. He hands me my embossed fancy Bible and I'm like "WINNING, I DID IT AND NO ONE SAW ME COUGH!!!"
Then after the service all these religious old people in the congregation kept coming up to my parents and telling them how touched they were by the extent to which I was overcome by emotion, simply to have a Bible of my own. They all thought I was sobbing with, like, religious devotion or gratitude or something. My parents, who had not had a chance to talk to me yet, were equally mystified because they knew I was a savage little heathen and they could not understand why I had been moved to tears by the gift of a Bible. My mom asked me in the car and I fessed up and she was like, "Oh thank god."
TruckerPete ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:19:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope more people read this comment. :)
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:42:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god this is such a good story. My family joined a Presbyterian church after moving from Wyoming to Mississippi because, as my dad best explained it to my husband (who grew up in the South), "Out West, you go to bars to meet people who will do favors for you. In the South, you go to church." But yeah, because Presbyterianism is like Catholic-lite or some shit, there were a ton of made up rituals like "confirmation" and "stewardship month" which never made any sense to me. All I knew was that the food was really fucking good, and we got fun fancy gifts like embossed Bibles too.
airportluvr416 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:18:56 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
as a Presbyterian. Can confirm. Also, in the PC(USA), we get real liberal, so it's a good place to occasionally land and discuss politics and real life things and find people to fix your house
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:20 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So true! Our church is PC(USA) and has members that frown at the much more conservative PCAs hahaha. Also, yeah if you need anything from a pool installed to a lawyer, or a doctor who makes house calls, they will hook you UP! And probably throw in a mighty fine casserole, too.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:11:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn, this was downright hilarious.
AwwItThinksItsPeople ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 16:36:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This needs WAY more people to read it. Fuckin hysterical
Lexivy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:57:16 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ffs, your parents sound awesome.
quixoticsnake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐คฃ๐๐คฃ๐
[deleted] ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 20:42:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this when I had a really bad cough one year in high school. I was so self conscious of how long I coughed for, I would hold my breath and cough inside to the point where I couldnโt hold it anymore, and it would come spluttering out of me... worse than if I had just coughed it all out at once. Ugh.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:28:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh...it's the worst :(
Silkkiuikku ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 20:54:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your teacher was shit. What kind of a person makes fun of a sick kid?
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 21:27:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh she was a total witch. She retired after that school year, and I later heard a rumor it was because my graduating class (2008) stressed her out really bad and drove her crazy so...revenge?
underpantsbandit ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:45:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhhh yes my entire HS career. I had asthma and it took the form of getting these insanely intense, cough all your air out, maybe puke, agonizing coughing fits for months after getting a cold. Months.
So many uncomfortable moments in class as I choked on my own lungs, gagged and generally disgusted everyone. My history teacher would literally pelt me with cough drops, he would get so fed up with my coughing fits he would aim and fire and bounce them off me. Like those things would help!
It amazes me not once did I have one person say, hey, thatโs not normal. Maybe go to a doctor? Itโs not like I could have- health insurance=impossibile luxury and my mom was dead set against government assistance
I did once have a teacher in 5th grade tell me I was a disgusting child for not covering my mouth while coughing (while I was alone and outdoors, and I was so out of air I had tunnel vision at that particular moment.)
RaqMountainMama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing, but actually did see the Dr. My asthma was bad, it was the 70's/80's and meds sucked. Every fall I'd get bronchitis then pneumonia from being all phlegmy for months on end. Anyway, my first semester of college one professor stated on the first day of classes that if we were sick, not to step foot in her room and don't visit her office. Wait until we were healthy. I was sick by week 3, didn't return to her class all semester because the asthma had kicked it up a notch and I was coughing all the time. Didn't drop the class, didn't talk to her, just was out sick all semester. Failed the class, of course. I have since come to my senses, found the cause of my ridiculous asthma - celiac disease - and am healthy now. But 18 year old me was a complete idiot.
therakel749 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:06:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I swear I used to get awkward brain induced coughing fits during tests. It's the worst! It's so quiet, you can't leave, digging around your bag for cough drops looks sketchy. I would just sit there taking tiny little sips of water while turning red because I was trying not to cough.
ferrettt55 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:27:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once had a pretty bad cold in class. Crazy runny nose. Instead of getting up and going to the bathroom to blow my nose, I just collected the snot that dripped into my hand, hoping I wouldn't need to use that hand for anything. When class ending, I calmly packed all my things using my one free hand and made it to the bathroom to thoroughly wash my hands. It was awful...
Someshitidontknow ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar cold the first time I took the SATs, and I had ONE tissue in my pocket. So I would continuously squeeze my nose into it (but heaven forbid I actually BLOW my nose and draw attention to myself) and then wring out this dripping tissue into my pocket. My whole pocket was soaked with post nasal drip by the end of the test.
ferrettt55 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:01:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gross... So, how'd you score?
Someshitidontknow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:11:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it was back in the 2-section SAT days. i think i got a 1280 when sick, so i took them again and got a 1440.
fakeymcredditsmith ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:10:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of that time I sneezed in shop class. It took me by surprise but thank god I got my hand up to my nose because it was snot. Everywhere. I just sat there with my hand over my face panicking but not wanting to walk my snotty face across the room to get a tissue. The shop teacher noticed and calmly handed me the box of Kleenex without even missing a beat in his lecture. 20+ years later and itโs still memorable. I bet it would have been just as memorable if he had pointed it out or everyone noticed and laughed, but itโs a good memory instead.
You never know when a kind gesture will be memorable.
Seviten ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:33:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some of the worst memories I have of my high school career are from taking AP exams because of something like this lol... I was always worried about my academic performance and everything, so stress plus general bad health had me coughing away during testing week.
We were shuffled into an entirely different building to test and the size/acoustics of the room were just unreal compared to the dinky little classrooms we normally had. I had to cough so fuckin badly though... Like I coughed a couple times to "scratch" the itch at the back of my throat thinking it would go away but nothing helped and it became clear the sound was reverberating throughout the entire fucking building. Neither cough drop nor measured breathing could save my ass from breaking up the impossible, pencil-tapping quiet. I suffered so much that day; the sheer effort of trying to not cough had an absolute torrent of tears in my eyes which led to a snotty nose. It was either look like I was crying because I wasn't shit at whatever subject I was taking the exam for ( aaand have 0 way to really deal with it) or be the loud ass distraction lmao.
MissKUMAbear ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:55:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ended up missing almost a month of school because of that. I was coughing super bad in Spanish and my table started saying I was faking it. It eventually spread to the rest of the class and I couldn't bring myself to go to school anymore because the only thing worse then being really sick is being really sick and no one believing you.
SquidRuby ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:05:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt know why, but I read this as you coughing in a Spanish dialect and itโs now my favourite thing
gitbek007 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:55:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvote for the story and the username. Matilda was my favorite movie growing up
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YESSSS MINE TOO!
kaylashalayla ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:20:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my life story when it comes to being sick. I was never made to cough like a normal person. My family has always made fun of me for how loud and obnoxious I cough. I can't help it haha
avacatt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
reminds me of when i would squeeze the hell out of my stomach muscles so it wouldnt growl or drink a fuckton of water at once
frontally ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did this in a math test once! The teacher was scary so I just held my coughs in, ended up with a streaming nose and eyes and just feeling utterly sick... at least nobody saw me cough!
Zelaxis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:31:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this too, to the point where I have tears streaming down my face in the middle of class.
iEpidemics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:04:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that, held the phlegm in my mouth for the entire period... Couldn't even ask to use the bathroom because the saliva would mix and I don't want to accidentally swallow the phlegm so I'd have a fucking gallon of water just accumulating in my mouth as I'm trying not to leak and breath through my clogged nose... Resorted to having a water bottle with fountain water half way filled up, pretend to take a swig as I spit into the bottle. Always had to hide the bottle. Luckily I went to a school where having your bag with you was okay.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would totally do the same thing, with the whole spitting into the bottle business. Ugh.
InboxMeYourSpacePics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get really bad coughs with crazy coughing fits so I do this all the time in class...and I'm in grad school...
Someshitidontknow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah this describes me in college too though
spermface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 29 with COPD and this is my life.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so sorry :(
wishlesssleep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like me. To top it all off I started getting random nosebleeds after I got my wisdom teeth taken out and my coughing fits started triggering them. Luckily people just started feeling bad for me instead of the scowls
madi_lol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely still do this in college.
lov3_lace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh I used to get really bad coughing fits in school too, especially during tests when it was super quiet. I'd try to hold it in and my eyes would start watering uncontrollably and everyone thought I was crying. I love that now I'm an adult and if I need to excuse myself to hack up a lung in the bathroom, I don't have to ask permission.
[deleted] ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 18:48:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dabriela ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:51:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow this sounds exactly like something I would do as a senior in college lol
bor__20 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:38:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i literally did this exact same thing every other day for my last two years of high school
18thcenturyPolecat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:08:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ
xxxIncoxxx ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:16:21 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a two and half hour gap in between college classes my freshman year and instead of trying to make friends , hanging out in one of the numerous courtyards , the library , the commons , etc... I would just go and sit in my car for the 2.5 hours . If anyone walked by , I would quickly grab a notebook and pretend I was doing homework , so they wouldnโt think I was a freak . Lol good times .
Reorientflame ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:56:14 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh same, sometimes that step of befriending people is just way too tiring
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:34 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like you were better off...
kittyypryde ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 20:24:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once ran to catch a bus that had started moving off. Driver saw me and stopped, but my brain kinda freaked out and I awkwardly/'coolly' strolled right past him, sat down, avoided eye contact, and pretended that I didn't want to board. Was late to school that day. I really was a dumb kid.
Lightningseeds ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:08:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I've done this. In college. Pretty sure I saw that the bus was pretty full and I changed my mind about cramming awkwardly on in front of them. Of course, this was better.
friendforhire ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 23:29:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ok iโm late to the party but iโll share anyway...
So back when i was working at dunkinโ donuts (right before motherโs day) this regular came in just like every other day... Weโd never really talk or anything it was usually all business when she came in. So I hand her her drink and I coulda swore she asked me "do you work tomorrow?" So I was like "yup!" And then she goes " OH! Happy Mother's Day!" And then I realized she asked me if I was a mother and now I had to roll with it because my stupid instincts told me to say "Thank you..." So now I'm panicking in my head but I tell myself, this lady doesn't know anyone I know and this was basically the only conversation we've ever had so maybe it'll be ok and it will never come up again... Then she walks passed me to leave and she goes "Boy or girl?" And in my head I'm like OH GOD NO!!!!!! But my mouth took action to weirdly and very creepily say "girl..." And my brain went "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING???" At this point I haven't made eye contact in like a minute and the lady wasn't satisfied with the level of emotional damage she's done and goes "Awww! How old?" And I want to cry at this point and I manage to get out "4?" Which was apparently all my brain could do before it shut down and I just stopped saying things and looked at the floor until I guess she got weirded out and left. And that's why I'm the most awkward person alive.
maraveelous ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 02:33:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, my boss did the same thing with an auditor, he wanted to make conversation so he said he had twins. Now everytime (about twice a year) the auditor comes he has to keep the charade up. I keep telling him to tell the guy they died in a car accident.
HeightPrivilege ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:43:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually a good plan, he'll never bring it up again.
jinantonyx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:17:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was training some new people at work once, and the week after training ended, I ran into one of my trainees in the breakroom. We chatted for a minute, and then he asked, "So, how's your divorce going?" And I did the stupid automatic reaction polite chit chat and said, "Oh, fine."
I have no idea what he was talking about. I wasn't married, and further...there were only a few women working there at all, and as far as I knew, none of them were getting divorced. Only one was married, and she's still married, so...who did he think I was?
rootbeer4 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:10:54 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for this awkward story as I sit awkwardly waiting for an appointment. Seriously, it made me feel so much better.
jewmaz ยท 1154 points ยท Posted at 18:10:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but a girl I went to HS with. She was in a group of friends meeting a couple of one of the friend's friends. When one of the guys introduced himself and asked her name, she panicked and responded with "oh you don't want to know". The guy just stared at her like she was crazy.
Legend017 ยท 203 points ยท Posted at 19:18:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was you, wasn't it?
jewmaz ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 20:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surprisingly not! I can be awkward around the opposite sex but not THAT awkward
truthtruthlie ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 23:12:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a very unusual name, and it's at the point where if I'm confident I'll never see the person again, I'll give out a much more common name that could feasibly be shortened from my full name. One time someone asked me my name, and I gave the fake, and he said "oh, but someone else said it was >full name<?" and it was... awkward
Leafy81 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:57:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an unusual name as well and to save time at places like Starbucks or a fast food place, I give a random name. I'm always afraid that I'll get called out for giving a fake name.
truthtruthlie ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:01:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I often give the fake name at Starbucks and then zone out and realize my drink has been sitting there for too long. Or, the short, SUPER common name still gets mispronounced, which really makes me believe they do it all on purpose.
who-knows-it ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:36:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems super easy to say "well that's what I go by sometimes since (real name) is a bit of a mouthful/hard to say/unusual."
truthtruthlie ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty much what ended up happening, but it was still pretty awkward. Did you miss the theme of the thread?
who-knows-it ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:42:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. It just doesn't seem that awkward to give someone a feasibly shortened version of your name even if they question it. Especially when you follow up with a very feasible explanation. But, I wasn't there I guess...
jewmaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:13:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She has a very normal name though. At first I thought she panicked and couldn't handle a guy talking to her, but she's had boyfriends so I'm really not sure what was happening there.
Reorientflame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:49:23 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean... In that case, you could be like "well then why'd you ask?". You know, deflect the awkward.
For real though, I find that if I have a premade thing I have to do like this, it's just easier to come up with premade lies to make explanations easier
SunshineAllTheTime ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 22:59:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh! I did something similar one time. I was talking this older guy (who was too old to be interested in me, but I thought he was super cute) and he said that his birthday was at the end of January. Then he asked when my birthday was and for whatever reason, I decided to lie. So I said mine was at the end of January too! He asked what day, and my brilliant response was "The 21st? I don't remember" and of course then I was the weird girl who couldn't remember her own birthday.
VividTarantula ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:24:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was meeting my roommates boyfriend for the first time
Him: "Hi I'm [blank]" Me: "I know" Him: "so what's your name?" Me: "don't worry about it"
.... so akward. I don't know why I said it but he was just confused
iamnas ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:38:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is my favourite story
Julian_rc ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:00:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the old "posting this for a friend" disguise
luckyducklinggg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:43:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cried reading this from laughing so hard!
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too real. Except I'm the guy and it's always a girl I find attractive. I normally get a good response out of it like a giggle and smile but I literally shut down once I realize what I say.
damionlai97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inb4 Jugemu Jugemu, Gokou no Surikire, Kaijarisuigyo no, Suigyoumatsu Unraimatsu Fuuraimatsu, Kuunerutokoro ni Sumutokoro, Yaburakouji no Burakouji, Paipopaipo Paipo no Shuuringan, Shuuringan no Gurindai, Gurindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokona no, Choukyuumei no Chousuke.
luckyducklinggg ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:44:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cried reading this from laughing so hard!
[deleted] ยท 483 points ยท Posted at 16:39:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
xllcyllx ยท 181 points ยท Posted at 18:21:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easily preventable if you just never date anyone
zuko94 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:21:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or just never go anywhere
Ix_KyLe_xP ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:27:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys can stop with my life story now
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:01:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real LPT is always in the comments
concealed_cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's some strategic thinking right there.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:10:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just sending a message
Automaticantt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I one time saw a girl knew from high school (We were actually really good friends) at a Kohls. We had lost touch and I was with people so when she waved at me from behind her register, I gave her the look of who are you and pretended I was the wrong person. When I'm in that area I always hope I see her again to say I'm sorry. Also probably about 3-4 years ago that happened
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this really speaks to me
0_NvMi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:44:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha did this in greggs, put my sandwich down and bolted, sadly she saw me...
wibbswobbs ยท 473 points ยท Posted at 21:28:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freshman year of college I somehow became friends with a cute senior that I wanted to impress. He and I were hanging out one night and he asked me if I smoked pot. I wanted him to think I was cool so naturally I said 'of course, love the stuff' (had never smoked pot in my life. big mistake). We then go to the apartment of 4 other seniors who I had never met and they start packing a bong...they tell me since I was new to the group that I could have greens! I had no idea what I was doing so I just tried to copy what I had seen in movies. Well I end up lighting the entire bowl and taking the biggest rip. It hits me so hard that I end up blowing all of the weed out of the bowl, almost drop the bong, and start coughing on the ground like my lungs are going to explode for at least 10mins. They are all asking me if I'm alright and I just continue to die on the floor. I ended up getting super baked and just sitting in silence for about 2 hours. Super awkward. Super embarrassed. Everyone was pissed I blew the weed out and wasted it. Never got invited over there again.
friendsareshit ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 02:11:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have seen this happen before. Some guy came over to my buddy's house and wanted to smoke with us so we were like yeah sure, hand over the pipe and he just ROASTS the whole thing, moving the lighter around in a circle for a solid 10 seconds, just fucking kills the entire bowl. Then goes into a spazzing coughing fit and just kinda staggers out the door, never to be seen again. We were pissed.
HAAAGAY ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:44:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait where do you guys live that people dont pack their own bowls and clear them? Iv smoked for like 5 years and have NEVER shared a bowl????
Sinsista ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:44:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am also confused, I'm not even a regular smoker and have always packed my own cone and smoked it all in one go?
lunchdate211 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With good friends we share bowls at uni getting in groups being with new people we pack our own bowls.
HAAAGAY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But do you just burn part? Thats the part im confused about
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:38:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HAAAGAY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:09:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see makes sense i geuss, but here people who have less tolerence just pack their own smaller bowls and regular smoker pack bigger ones and just pass the bong along
friendsareshit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:41:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're either A) smoking out of really tiny pipes B) smoking shitty weed or C) have an incredibly high tolerance. We always shared bowls, about 2-3 hits each. Just burn a little bit at a time, don't roast the whole thing.
HAAAGAY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:06:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its c, i am a daily smoker who lives in canada with dispensaries all around me i just have never heard of it, even in highschool everyone cleared their own bowls including rimmers.
Convoluted_Camel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here a cone would be like 1cc or less and Its not normal tto share.
Convoluted_Camel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:30:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here a cone would be like 1cc or less and Its not normal tto share.
dementiaseven ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:39:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yikes
ratsnax ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:31:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A really similar thing happened to me freshman year of college. I was also acting like I had smoked before and for some reason blew into it instead of inhaling. So bong water splashed out and got everywhere! It was so embarrassing and my face is red now just remembering this!
baeblades ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:35:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry! We've all been there!
zangor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:54:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't know something about drugs I just ask for help. And then help others.
wibbswobbs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, that's the lesson I learned that night.
istheresugarinsyrup ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:32:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I smoked from a bong I thought your mouth went around the opening. It's been 22 years and I still cringe.
baeblades ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:32:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao that's too much! For the longest time I never used a grinder and didn't break up the weed so it was just solid nugs in the bowl. We would roast the top half and turn the nug over for a fresh bowl!
wibbswobbs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:20:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depending on the size of the bong this could have been impressive haha
Justine772 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:04:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LPT: Stoners are actually usually pretty nice and will gladly show you how to use a bong (or a pipe, if a bong ends up too intimidating for you)
wibbswobbs ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:25:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this now! I went on to be a big stoner after this. At the time I just wanted to fit in. Needless to say the next time I smoked I asked to be hand held through the process haha
baeblades ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:29:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yehaha your story reminded me of starting out smoking with my own friends. We called that "spitting the bong" when you would blow out out the water or weed, usually because someone made you laugh while you were hitting the piece. ah good times
notmebutjim ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green horn gets greens... Enjoy not moving for a while and feeling extremely tingly all over, everywhere.
Danbobway ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:22:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol I had this almost exact same situation except I'm the guy in the story and the girl just freaked out in the middle of smoking and went and sat in my room for like an hour then made me drive her around to parks lmao
wibbswobbs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:21:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any park in particular? lol
Danbobway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:36:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nahp just random parks lol
bacon_and_eggs ยท 255 points ยท Posted at 18:29:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school, I decided to try and seem more like a normal person, so when there was a new stage play announced, I decided I'd try and be in it since popular people usually did that. Anyone that wanted to be in it had to gather in the cafeteria and watch the movie before hand, to see what the play was about and who the characters were. During the movie, I farted. Like, pretty loud. We were all sitting on the floor close to each other. Everyone in front of me turned around. I smirked and did to, to pretend like I was looking for the person too. Pretty sure everyone knew it was me though. After that I never went back.
TheOccultSasquatch ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 23:28:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was 9 i farted in mosque class, out of sheer embarrassment i immediately pointed to the nearest person and said it was him. Except he was sat right next to the teacher. I was sent to the bathroom to wash myself, cause you know, god hates farts. Im not religious anymore, cause farts.
andretosatti ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:47:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, farts were the least of your problems
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:05:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if Jesus got crucified for ripping a fat one? Like a reeeeeal fat one.
comeaboutthecroutons ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:04:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing in about grade 3. I think it worked, but I could be wrong
truthtruthlie ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:20:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you mean they didn't interrupt the class to start screaming "ew!" and move away from you as fast as humanly possible? I wish I'd gone to your school.
WarmTaffy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:20:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was the play/movie? I just want to be more immersed in this story.
Dan_christ ยท 556 points ยท Posted at 18:47:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve stopped doing this since because of this story, but I used to hock loogies outside. Usually on the grass but sometimes in the street if there wasnโt any around.
One time I was walking down the sidewalk when I went to spit- and saw a girl walking past me from behind as I turned my head. I had already started the action of spitting while I turned my head so at the last millisecond I redirected the hockers trajectory away from the girl and directly into my hand. This all happened over the course of half a second.
I made eye contact with her and was about to say something when she scowled and said โwhat the fuck is wrong with youโ and continued to walk away. So yeah, I donโt spit anymore.
Bumpy_Waterslide ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:51:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That phrase from a girl is utterly impossible to come back from. You can't say anything to make it better. You will only trip up and make it worse. You are better off just yelling "YOU!" and running away like a mad man.
picklerick232 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:02:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to hear that phrase from my mother a lot.
nb00288 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 00:44:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar except I actually did spit on the girls leg. Was truly embarrassing yet I somehow survived.
llambie42 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:53:44 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good for you. It is disgusting stepping in someone's big blob of spit and snot.
AngelWyath ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:13:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an aversion to that. The deep, snot drawing sound makes me almost puke. The consistency makes me puke to think about. If I'm sick and I know a good vomit will help I think about my mom's story. She told me that she went to drink off a fast food soda cup she thought was her's. She takes a long, deep drink on the straw and sucked a thick loogy through the straw. It was someone else's drink that was finished and spit in the cup. The thought gags me as I type and it's my go-to for puking.
Certified_Dumbass ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:16:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just reading that almost made me power-puke all over my desk
PuppleKao ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:18 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got to that point and stopped reading it. I knew what was coming...
Draganbenderisgreat ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:23:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was walking to class once, had a dip in so I would turn and spit every so often. This chick was trying to pass me right as I was spitting without me knowing. Spit right on her. Tried to apologize but she just booked it right after lol.
CandidKatydid ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:12:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I was almost that girl. It barely missed me but caught me off guard so I panicked and apologized for walking there...on the sidewalk. He still apologized.
DeathbatMaggot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:05:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I thought I was the only one...what do you even say? I dip and even I think it's gross. You spit your tobacco juice infused spit onto somebody. So awkward.
And the amount of times I've gone to spit in front of me and spit on myself right as I'm walking by somebody. It's amazing it took me so long to figure out to spit to the side.
bobmyboy ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a jerk. I would have just laughed and asked why you did that.
E: Got rid of bitch because I feel bad calling a girl a bitch. It just feels wrong.
heysarahsarah ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 18:24:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She's the bitch, really? This guy was walking around spitting snot rockets in public.
bobmyboy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:04:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was kind of bitchy. What would you have done? I just try not to assume the worst of people.
heysarahsarah ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:20:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If someone almost spit a loogie on me, I wouldn't say 'what the fuck is wrong with you,' but I'd probably side-eye them a little bit.
Idk man I just think spitting in public is gross in general, especially when snot is involved.
HubbaMaBubba ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:38:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From her perspective he just randomly spit in is hand.
bobmyboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:26:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel bad for saying she was a bitch. But didn't he say he spit in his hand last second? I personally would have just been like "Why'd you spit in your hand?" and laughed. Not have been like "What the fuck?" It's just kind of aggressive. And I know thats rich coming from the guy that said she was a bitch, so I'm sorry for saying that.
heysarahsarah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's all good. :) I understand where you're coming from.
bobmyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:41:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still feel bad haha. Thanks for understanding.
AClassyPenguin ยท 125 points ยท Posted at 20:23:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spent 4 days and 3 nights in a friend's condo "showering" by slav squatting in front of the faucet and palming water onto me because I couldn't figure out the shower and I was too embarrassed to ask how.
Macdaddy4prez ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:21:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted for "slav squatting"
littlebear406 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:30 on February 23, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
Happened to me too on those dumb showers that make you pull down on the faucet, couldn't figure it out for the life of me so i just kneeled there, washing myself.
Emajine01 ยท 245 points ยท Posted at 20:43:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a two-fer
Was at an all girl's sleepover once in 2nd grade. Was mostly popular girls but I was friends with the hostess . We were all in the basement throwing back & forth a big rubber ball. My turn. Instead of just tossing it to another girl I BOUNCE it as hard as I can. It bounces straight up to the ceiling and explodes the lightbulb. Everyone screams. Her Mom had to come down with a flashlight and shine us all to safety. I cried because I messed up her house. No one wanted to sleep next to me in their sleeping bag so I had to find a spot in the hostess's bedroom while her and the other girls cut up all night in the living room. Next morning we were all outside playing. New day. Can redeem myself for cool points. I got her kid sisters' bike out being like hey watch me. The bike still had its training wheels. They lived on a hill. I started riding it down. Stupid bike was too small for me & started going really fast downhill. It got away from me & I slid backwards so that my vagina was riding the back tire. I was screaming HELP ME and crying. No redemption. I was never popular. I blame it on this.
dayzee_girl ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 00:29:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one made me laugh the most. Thank you for the awkwardness.
astute_potato ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, Iโve been laughing out loud at a lot of these but this one is the best
kabes ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:52:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a time when I was in 4th grade at my friend's birthday party. She was having a campout at her grandparents' house. We were all in the tent and someone farted (wasn't me, yet all of them blamed it on me) and they all refused to sleep next to me in the tent and made me feel horrible about it. I ended up going inside and sleeping inside her grandparents' house and crying myself to sleep. I have no idea why I stayed friends with the host of this party until high school; she was a horrible friend to me.
PrinceOfCups13 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:54:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
kids are cruel little fuckers
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:14:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit lol
myskara ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 13:17:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am legit crying from laughing at this
sunshine98765 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:08:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not supposed to be laughing this hard at work.
TungstenLittledog ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:13:58 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sleeping bag part made me laugh but then want to cry a little too. Sorry they were mean like that. Once at a sleepover our sleeping bags were all set up but I walked away to the bathroom. When I came back, a girl had moved my sleeping bag across the room away from everyone. Traumatized me. But then again she was probably mad that I didn't care about her dance routine that she was demonstrating earlier in the kitchen. I feel bad about that too.
Wakkajabba ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:53:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey at least your childhood embarassment made me laugh
LegendOfMallard ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:53:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was riding on the pegs of my brother's mountain bike, and I rode the back tire in a very similar fashion. I feel your pain. :(
llambie42 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:02:30 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel for ya....
LegendOfMallard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:54:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was riding on the pegs of my brother's mountain bike, and I rode the back tire in a very similar fashion. I feel your pain. :(
pattyhasfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:50 on January 16, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
oh god. i just choked trying to silence my laughter.
KiraDidNothingWrong_ ยท 350 points ยท Posted at 19:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got the metro once while going to college and it was quite full so i had to stay in front of the door. When i tried to get off at my stop i grabbed my bag which i had put down between my legs but it was stuck, the door had closed on that plastic thing thats lets you adjust the length of the straps. You see i got on at the buisiest station in the center of town, its the only place where both doors open and of course for the rest of my route only the door opposite me was opening.
I tried pulling at hard as i could without making it obivous my bag was stuck but it wouldn't move, i heard the strap rip a bit so i stopped. Instead of asking for help or asking for a pair of scissors or something i just stayed there cursing in my head. I couldn't leave my bag because it has my work and my laptop in it. The metro was pretty much empty by the last stop, thankfully, and the last man to get off saw i was still standing there and asked
"Are you not getting off? Its the last stop"
"Nah i'm good"
So i ended up going to the metros garage thing, it parked beside the other trains and the lights went off. After about 5 minutes i started getting a bit worried, and of course i had not network signal, there was an emergency button but i didn't want to press it, and i doubt there was any power anyway. I was thinking about breaking the glass with the small hammer things when the lights came back on and i ended up going back to way i came. Everyone was looking at me so weird, wondering how I managed to get on before the first stop. Anyway i got my bag back and got to college about an hour and a half late.
I already had a reputation of being late, so of course no one believed me, even though i showed them my ripped bag.
Chuuno ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:45:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We still don't believe you.
KiraDidNothingWrong_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:30:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats too bad.
I can show you my ripped bag but that doesnt really prove anything.
andretosatti ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:01:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuuuuuck
Sharkbyte12 ยท 340 points ยท Posted at 18:15:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't find my homeroom in 9th grade. Hid in the bathroom instead and never asked anyone. Never did go to that homeroom
bresuschrist_ ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 19:10:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I did this too in 8th grade because I was late to class and they had gone to the computer lab. I didn't know that so I hid in the bathroom instead of wandering around looking for my class.
Zingshidu ยท 134 points ยท Posted at 22:01:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For the entire year?!
Ladyingreypajamas ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:02:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my high school, we only went to our homeroom on the first day of a new semester to get our schedules. We were only in there for about 45 minutes twice a year. The rest of the year, we'd just go to our first class. Maybe his was similar?
Gugmuck ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:55:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I met up with some good friends from my previous year of school, during the first day. Ended up skipping my forensics class (grade 11) to hang out. It got out of hand, and after a week or two of doing this, I didn't want to be 'that guy' and simply avoided the class that semester.
Found out later that the class was amazing and most of it involved watching CSI and visiting police stations.
Even better, we were hanging out on a bench ten feet from the door to the class. Every day, during said class. Even said hi to the teacher on her way in.
Still not sure if she knew who I was, but somehow at the end of the year I had a 50% in the class..
CabbagePastrami ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:37:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeh this is what I'm wondering... I mean wtf if that's he case.
Sharkbyte12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:25:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I just never went to homeroom. I think we only ever had to on the first day of each quarter
Salty_Sea07 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:17 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that too. I couldn't find the band room because the entrance was on the opposite side of the building that the room number was on. I was so confused that I just sat outside of the building until next period. There were other people who were equally confused and awkward. I ended up dropping the class and claiming that I didn't want to play band anymore, which really disappointed the teacher and my parents (and myself since I actually really enjoyed playing,) but I had to act like I did it on purpose because everyone else was already in class for the week and had introduced themselves and made friends.
Fuck. I had totally forgotten about that happening.
JustHereForTheSalmon ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 20:32:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a date with a girl. Wasn't a great date, or a bad one, just one of those dates where you realize that there's nothing there and you're just sharing a meal with an acquaintance.
At the end of the night we say goodbye and get into our respective cars. I try to start my car but it won't start. Battery dead. I see her start her car. I think about getting out and asking for a boost but began an analysis paralysis loop of asking for a favor from someone I had no intention of ever seeing again, but instead I wave goodbye to get a wave back and she leaves.
I'm new in this town but I know there's an auto parts store just down the street so I figure I'd pop in and get a battery (on an aside, I knew it was the battery from a few weak starts over the prior few days, I just figured it could wait until the weekend). What I didn't appreciate, being new in town, is that "just down the street" in my head was much closer than it was in reality. I spent the next 30 minutes walking to the auto parts store.
Plus 45 minutes walking back. The battery was so heavy I had to take breaks on the way back.
tldr; car needed a boost after a date, preferred lugging a 15 pound battery by hand for about a mile over asking for a jump.
strippersandpepsi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:04:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Car batteries aren't fun to carry for any length of time. The plastic carrying strap starts cutting into my palm and my whole shoulder starts to ache, then switching hands just makes you feel unbalanced. And I think 15 lbs might be little light on the estimate, unless you had some weird battery.
JustHereForTheSalmon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:37:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just for fun I punched in my old car info from back then and you're right. Way off. 35-DLG is roughly 38 pounds! D:
ZenaMarie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:24:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"analysis paralysis" brilliant
scotems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:31 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean.. That is a term, specifically for exactly this.
ZenaMarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:31 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I'd never seen it before and thought it was neato.
Salty_Sea07 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:16 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is a perfectly natural reaction that most reasonable people would have concluded as well.
magnum_hunter ยท 112 points ยท Posted at 22:47:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This summer I was in a small town in Italy. I have famkly there and for dinner one day my aunt makes fries. Now me having lived in Spain I ask her if I could get some "ajoaceite"(some sauce, garlic and vegetable oil, probably some eggs). Anyway I go to the supermarket and try to explain to the cashier in english what I wanted, she shows me a jar of mayonnaise and I just awkwardly say thanks and buy that. I probably spent like 5 minutes trying to explain it to her so I wanted to get out of there but couldn't not buy something, had to be courteous and not feel like wasting her time.
Also this is the second time I write this reply, first time I deleted it cause I tought it was stupid. Now I'll just post and whatever, at least I practice my english.
michaelnpdx ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:51:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it sounds to me like you were asking for mayonnaise also! What sauce were you looking for?
Edited to add: Maybe like a fry sauce? it's a mixture of ketchup and mayonnaise around here.
magnum_hunter ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:57:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aioli
That is what I was looking for. It looks like mayo but it's not the same thing. Also, not everyone uses eggs so yeah. Honestly, I should have just made it myself at home; garlic and olive oil is kinda simple.I just wasn't sure about the egg part, should I add or not, how to prepare, etc.
exhausted_platypus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:22:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was the first thing that came to mind with what you posted. It's tasty stuff.
MusicTravelWild ยท 491 points ยท Posted at 20:10:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry for doing multiple but I am a really awkward person...
Ok this one happened like last week. I am walking into the Safeway to buy groceries and I am a little blazed. This random lady in a minivan yells out to me "Hey sir excuse me do you have a bottle opener?" as she holds up a glass sprite bottle. I had one on my key chain but forgot about it, not that it mattered because I wanted to show off. So I take the bottle from her and walk over to a cement base for a lightpole in the parking lot and try to do the pop the cap off with a slick well placed firm tap of the hand. Instead I broke the bottle and got glass in my hand and blood in the soda. I walk over to her with my proverbial tail between my legs and hand it back to her shamefully (which also doesnt make any sense what the fuck is she gonna do with a bloody blood and glass filled sprite?). Luckily she was really nice and we had a laugh about it and I offered to go buy her a new one but she declined and drove away. I then proceeded to grocery shop with a bloody hand and all of my shame.
TL:DR I am a dipshit
CabbagePastrami ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:27:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I almost fell of my chair laughing that was so hilarious...
And well written...ha ha the fact you handed it back and she just drove away with it ha ha ha....
Man that was brilliant...
fuzzypyrocat ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:26:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read โbloody bloodโ for a full 5 minutes before I realized what you meant
LeopoldTheSnail ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:35:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did something similar recently. Trying to open a beer, and my friend swore they had a bottle opener "around here somewhere" but I tried to open it by hand and broke the rim of the bottle off with the lid, promptly impaling my little finger. Great scar with a very embarrassing story.
koumpounophobic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:39:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please keep posting your awkward moments. I have been unbelievably entertained by them.
MusicTravelWild ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:00:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there is way too many...I would honestly love to because it makes good practice storytelling but I need to think of specific ones
Slaisa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:16:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cant you open it with your teeth like the rest of us cool kids?
MusicTravelWild ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:18:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes but I didnt want to slobber on the sprite bottle of a stranger
Slaisa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good point. And now i will look back at all the times i opened bottles for people i barely knew with my teeth and shudder.
MusicTravelWild ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha ..I would do it at parties and not think anything of it because people at parties share blunts and drinks all the time. I could have used my lighter to but hindsight is 20/20
quixoticsnake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your stories are excellent
MusicTravelWild ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:25:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! your name reminds me of one of my favorite RHCP songs so you are excellent as well
dark_raccoon2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:35:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Safeway!? Are u a Melburnian?
MusicTravelWild ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:40:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no haha it is a grocery store chain in the US
dark_raccoon2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whaaa? Ok weird, Woolworths is called Safeway in Melbourne too
littlebirdmgc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes! when i moved from brisbane to melbourne and someone said safeway, i looked at them like the were speaking another language bc i didnโt know what they meant!!
and when i moved from perth to brisbane, omg. i had no clue what aldi was and that was just an awful experience bc any time someone said something about aldi i just pretended to know what it was....
andretosatti ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 01:02:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you deserved that one
MusicTravelWild ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:15:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most definitely
sydster89 ยท 967 points ยท Posted at 16:47:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time a food order is incorrect I just eat it. Or if I really can't eat it I will just push the food around on the plate to make it look like I did.
I also always get a box for the leftovers if the server asks because I don't want them to think I didn't like it. I never eat leftovers.
[deleted] ยท 310 points ยท Posted at 17:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pushing food around the plate so it looks like you ate it. This is a tactic that I have used many times. I will say however that I was once โcaughtโ when someone saw right through that trick and asked me if something was wrong with the dish
EgyptiaElla ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 20:36:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have an aunt who always wants to feed me when I see her. Her food is terrible. I always have to use that trick when I see her and just eat little bits that I can tolerate so it looks like I made a dent. I hope she never catches on. Last time I saw her I was like "oh we're really craving pizza" so she would just pick one up and then the next morning I was like "oh we're going to go do breakfast with {other aunt}". Nope. She had already made breakfast casserole. It was atrocious. She saw I didn't eat much and mentioned that I must not be a breakfast person which of course I agreed with.
I'm so glad my mom was always a good cook.
TheButtholer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:20:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, that's so sad but cute at the same time.
EgyptiaElla ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:38:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your username dude. Haha. Nailed it.
peace-and-bong-life ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:35:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a former anorectic, I too have used this tactic many times... often in conjunction with other, slightly more bizarre tactics. I used to do weird shit like wear long sleeves and stuff food in them so nobody knew I hadn't eaten it. Walking to the bathroom with sleeves full of pasta is... not the best feeling in the world.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang thatโs some next level shit, hope youโre doing better
kipumab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something something moms spaghetti
sydster89 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:26:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The horror! What did you say?
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 17:29:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I donโt remember, I think I just said โI didnโt like itโ lmao
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:59:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I did this food trick a lot when I was young, but I was also caught. I would try to hide some of the food (i.e trying to hide rice under beef) but it was so easy to see...
Needless to say, I was caught lot of times doing this by several family members. I was young though.
pardike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God someone calling me out for that would be a nightmare.
euripidez ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:22:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the classic maybe if I pile a bunch of napkins into a giant food and napkin mountain it will look like I enjoyed it
sydster89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:45:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL Exactly.
tallish_jew ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:35:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a restaurant. We know you didn't eat it.
sydster89 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:40:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck.
Lemons-are-lovely ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:18:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Iโd read this last week, I would have probably laughed at you. However, this weekend I ended up at some pretentious over priced Italian place for lunch.
My only defence is that the menu was confusing, it probably isnโt.
However I thought I was ordering a nut and herb crumble. The plate turns up and it is a nut and herb crumble but with avocado on fancy Italian toast, with the nut herb thing sporadically thrown on top. I even had the guts to complain to the waiter that it wasnโt what I ordered, but he pointed out to the idiot (me) that it was what I ordered, just canโt read their menu
I hate avocado.
I spent a good 20minutes pushing that crushed avocado around the plate hoping it went away. Probably would have stuffed some in my pockets if they were big enough.
I am never going back
sydster89 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:20:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate avocados too. This reminds me of when Mr. Bean ordered steak tartare.
Edit spelling
CaptainUnusual ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:22:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my wife? She does this literally every time there's something wrong with a meal. She did it when she found two shards of glass in her pasta. She did it when she was given a chicken breast that was still raw inside. She even refused to say anything when they forgot to bring any part of her meal other than the one egg she added on. It's super uncomfortable for me because I have to sit there trying to enjoy my meal while she's just hoping she didn't swallow broken glass.
sydster89 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:37:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't believe I am your wife. I will say that one time a ordered a milkshake and the part of the machine that goes down into the cup to mix it up (I guess? Is there a word for that?) literally shattered into my cup and they brought it to me with the whole thing sticking out. I very very politely spooned out a large piece of it and just kind of looked at the server going "uhhhmm." He felt awful, I got a new shake. No big deal. But anything less than that and I won't say a damn word. I probably would have said something about the glass in the pasta. Have you asked if your wife wants you to be the one to say something? If she's anything like me she'd absolutely forbid you to, so I'm assuming that's why you didn't say anything either. Just curious if she is that way too I guess! Will she let you say something if something is wrong with your food?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:04:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The leftover box is a great idea. Like seriously, goddamn that's some next level shit.
sydster89 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:10:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this is what I'm remembered for.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:21:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'll use it in the future
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:38:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever get the wrong order at the drive through and instead of going back you just eat it?
sydster89 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:39:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only every single time, my friend. Every. Single. Time.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:43:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once got a fish sandwich instead of a burger at McDonalds and instead of going back I just went a different McDonalds and bought another burger. Good thing they are as prevalent as Starbucks
sydster89 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:47:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That made me laugh! I've done very similar things. One time I forgot my wallet at home, went to Wendy's and instead of going back to that one once I'd retrieved my wallet, I went to the one across town.
Edit wording
PocketQuadsOnly ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:46:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was staying at this family owned hotel in Spain a couple months ago. For dinner, they didn't let you choose what you wanted, but instead just told you what they will bring you and then brought it. It was really really good, and because it wasn't my own choice, I ate a lot of awesome new stuff that I would've never ordered myself.
But one evening, the waiter brought us some sort of mushroom - squid - soup thingy, and it looks pretty awful. I'm already thinking "oh well, that doesn't look like something I'll eat". Well, and then this guy starts to tell me how this is a recipe from his grandmother and that they've passed it on through the generations.
So once he left, the only thing im thinking is "please don't be horrible, please don't be horrible, please don't be horrible". Well, guess what: It tasted like someone got a lot of shoe soles, cut up a squid and then cooked it for 3 hours straight.
So there I am, desperately trying to think of a way to not let him notice that I didn't eat more than one bite of the thing that was clearly a very special dish to him. I tried to push it around like you described, but rearranging a soup that I've eaten maybe 5% of won't really make it seem less un-eaten. I ended up somehow trying to actively hide the top of the bowl from him when he came back. Didn't work.
sydster89 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:49:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man! How unfortunate that it was soup which as you said, is the exception to the brilliant idea of pushing the food around. What was his reaction?
sarahhopefully ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:34:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I met up with an ex boyfriend and we got bubble tea which I hadn't had before. I got honey flavor and didn't like it so I only drank half. The little lady who owned the shop kept coming up and asking of something was wrong with it and offering to replace it. I kept refusing because it's not her fault I chose something I didn't like. It made an already awkward meeting with an ex so much more awkward.
LordPizzaParty ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:50:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who apologizes profusely to the server if he doesn't finish his whole meal. He insists that he really liked and offers some excuse why he couldn't finish.
sydster89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dear, it's a bit much but I can relate. I usually just try like heck to avoid that whole conversation when I didn't like it.
Timett_son_of_Timett ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:36:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, for lunch today I ordered #45. Got #35... it was kinda nasty but I wolfed it anyway because I was very hungry and am socially inept.
iEpidemics ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:00:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not a picky eater and I haven't had something so bad that I will not eat it (yet). I won't tell them even if I payed for something more. Like I'll get a Large meal from fast food and they give me someone else's order with like no lettuce or tomato and I'm like well shit, whoever ordered this is gonna be pissed as I proceed to eat it. It balances itself out, sometimes they give me more food or I find out I like the mysterious food I got that I didn't order. Never happens at sit-down restaurants... But I'm always served first and the waiter/waitress always smiles at me. No one ever asks "so who had the Basic Bitch Burger with the Lightbulb Cooked Fries?" Unless it's the busboy/gal who was just told to help out.
king44 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:01:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an awkward introvert so I sympathize with the sentiment. However, in my time serving I've found people who don't tell me I brought them the wrong thing to be incredibly frustrating. I know people just try to be nice, or are awkward about the interaction, but not telling a server results in eating someone else's meal, and if that someone else says "Hey, this isn't what I ordered." when we bring them your food, we have to then go admit our mistake to the kitchen and get them to remake the food that you didn't eat. This is a terrible and awkward experience I have been through before. Please tell your server if they bring you the wrong food. You'll be doing your server a favor.
sydster89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a great point I had not considered before! Thank you for the insight.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like wasting food, so unless it has mushrooms (they give me blindness migraines) I'll eat it
Rae_the_Wrackspurt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:58:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leaving a restaurant right now. I literally just did this. I end up tossing the left over box as soon as they can't see me anymore.
sylvester_0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to read through all the replies to make sure this wasn't here, but... Just say something. I've been a waiter/server before and it's no big deal to get the meal corrected. Stuff gets messed up all the time, the staff won't take it personally.
capt_beyond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this at the drive thru all the time. I always ask for my drink with no ice. I can always tell as soon as they hand it to me if they put ice in it, but I never say anything
PRMan99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We usually ask for leftover boxes but we end up eating it about 90% of the time.
VladimirVeins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a restaurant and ordered a main dish and a side. They forgot the side. Instead of telling them, I went to a different restaurant and got a different side that didn't even go well with my main dish.
sierra-tinuviel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a server I find the box bit hilarious
Dobey2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone involved with restaurants, this makes me uncomfortable haha
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love doing this.
ferrettt55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to some small bagel shop in a city I was visiting. Ordered something, and the cashier asked if I wanted anything else. I said no, and she rung me up. Afterwards, I realized I wasn't getting a drink. (Maybe it's me, but most places will specifically ask if you want a drink.) So I ate my meal with no drink.
delmar42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple of weeks ago, I had a burger where the cheese wasn't melted. The slice of cheese was cold and just sort of sitting on the meat. The server offered to have it fixed, and I agreed. It came back with the cheese melted, and tasted just fine. I spent most of the rest of the evening at home trying not to vomit because of how my stomach felt. I don't know if I pissed off the cook and he/she did something to my food or not. Seriously, who puts a cold slice of cheese on a burger and serves it that way?
InstagramLincoln ยท 810 points ยท Posted at 16:16:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I see my neighbors outside when I get home, I just sit in my car until they're gone.
bizitmap ยท 336 points ยท Posted at 19:25:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too, a neighbor noticed me waiting in the car repeatedly and asked "are you mad at me? :("
She was legit so sad, she's apparently even more socially awkward than I and has self-esteem problems so she assumed she did something wrong (to me, the guy she's never even spoken with before this) and was beating herself up over it.
[deleted] ยท 293 points ยท Posted at 20:08:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it crazy that other people can feel the same things we feel?
1RedReddit ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:32:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't believe it tbh
wolves_hunt_in_packs ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:47:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
crawwlinggg in my skinnnn
wibbswobbs ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 20:58:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's so sad. I hope you talked to her more after that lol
copacet ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 23:40:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would just be like "Oh, no, I like listening to NPR on the way home and sometimes the story is interesting enough that I wait for it to finish."
bizitmap ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:41:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's basically the story I gave, swapped for "I was finishing a thought and wanted to type out an email" since I was clearly on my phone the entire time
I mean I was on reddit but I'm grown looking enough that ~arguably~ I could have a business phone
rebelrob73 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:11:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you explain yourself?
Cyno01 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 23:41:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you guys bang, or what?
the_new_throwaway13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:48:09 on October 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, thats sad but Im glad she confronted the situation. Its crazy that we always think we are being awkward, when the other person usually thinks the same thing about themselves
littlebear406 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:17 on February 23, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
I will even put my phone up to my ear and mimic talking so they won't feel bad. They're smokers so they're always outside, i just don't wanna talk!
oCh4v3zo ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 20:17:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you my neighbor? Cus you look weird doing it cus I can clearly see you and just wonder why you're sitting in your car so I stay out to see if you get out. Also you wash your car at midnight which is also weird.
ferrettt55 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:16:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretty much won't do anything outside if there are other people out there that might see me.
PrancingPony88 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:08:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost always pretend to be on the phone when walking into my building to avoid making small talk with my neighbors. Also if I hear them in the hall Iโll wait til itโs quiet to dart out the door. Sometimes my plan backfires because theyโre quietly sorting mail in the hall and I come barreling out of my apartment, startling them in the process.
twistsouth ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:34:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm so relieved that Iโm not the only one that is deathly afraid of communicating with my neighbors lol. I feel like such a twat because when eventually I actually have to speak to them, they finish the conversation with like a really patronizing โit was nice to see you againโ like Iโve been on a 4 year sabbatical and just returned...
whatifimnot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:58:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love being outside and I hate small talk. Suburbs are the absolute worst. Like, I will only live in an urban area where you can't possibly know all your neighbors, or move back to a rural area where you can't even see your neighbors. Fuck that noise.
Okapi_MyKapi ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 20:16:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the exact same thing. And I know the dude on a semi-personal level. There've been too many times where I've pulled into my spot, gathered my purse, computer bag, lunch bag, and cell phone, only to have him pull into the garage right behind me. So naturally, I pretend to be on my phone while three different bags and sometimes groceries are strapped to me in the driver's seat. Yup - SO natural.
Rosie1991 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:04:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm getting anxious about how many of these comments i relate too
hellogoawaynow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:24:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Normally Iโm the awkward one, but my new duplex neighbor and I made eye contact when I got home so she looked in her bag, made a confused expression, and walked right back into her house as she was very obviously trying to leave. If weโre being perfectly honest, I was glad I didnโt have to meet her for real.
Ovenproofcorgi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:44:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretend to be on the phone...
fiveSE7EN ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:16:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you get a call while pretending
whatifimnot ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:59:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hang on, I've got another call coming in"
Only works if you're smooth and keep your phone on silent. So, never.
linwail ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:55:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are killing me
Torolottie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:00:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this too but that's because my neighbors are hella weird. I have the lady next door who worked with me for about a month likes to walk her dog in a stroller and make small talk about people at work. Then there is the chubby man lady who likes to engage in small talk and overshare. And then the foreign lady across the way who makes her whole family park in the street so she can sit in her garage on the couch and scream obscenities at people on the phone.
JordanSchor ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 19:01:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Realized I was walking the wrong way to class in high school. Instead of just turning around, I went for a 10 minute detour around to class. Was late.
JestersDoor ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:32:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still do this every time I have to get somewhere on time. Why is turning around in public so hard to do?
UniqueUsernme ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not all the time, but I somewhat do this too, but only because I first did the opposite. My first few days in high school, I realized I was going to the wrong hallway for my classroom and made a quick 180. A few girls, now behind me, laughed and talked to each other about me as if I was repelled by their presence. Being a freshman in High school, I personally felt embarrassed. Since then, I am more likely to try to look natural and pause for a bit, before I turn a 180 in a similar situation.
thenullroot ยท 1254 points ยท Posted at 18:02:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have stood with my junk out in front a urinal for long periods of time until everyone else has left the bathroom. Then I can release a biblical flood of pent up liquid before anyone can come in.1
[deleted] ยท 524 points ยท Posted at 19:49:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that with people standing behind me, but I pretended like I was done and left the bathroom. It sucks but that's anxiety for you.
ferrettt55 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 22:06:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done that more times than I can count.
Several times, the bathroom has been really packed. Waiting for a stall to open up, but urinals keep opening and people waiting behind me get antsy, so I just fake using a urinal and walk out with regret.
zuccah ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 23:20:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually called Paruresis. There's several ways to deal with it, focusing on other things is one method (the multiplication table that someone mentioned), another method is to hold your breath (the carbon dioxide builds up in your muscles and forcibly makes you relax and urinate). Other ways of dealing with it are forms of therapy.
CabbagePastrami ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:19:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just imagined some dude standing at a urinal holding his breath too long and toppling over, passed out on the bathroom floor.
zuccah ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:37:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thereโs a famous reddit story about exactly this.
DilatedTeachers ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:39:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't leave me hanging
ferrettt55 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:13:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it's not a crippling issue, and it's actually getting better on its own as I start to care less about what people think. Pretty sure I'll be fine. Thanks, though.
Mattzorry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:38:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always count backwards from 100 by 7s. Got a flow going in no time
cubitoaequet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're supposed to start at 1000, Kaneki
capitoloftexas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:01:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just asking myself what this is called. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction!
ParryGallister ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:48:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aye the shy-pisser disease. I find the easiest way is just to find something on the wall to stare at and count (in your own head), works a charm for me after the count of three or so.
mdds2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:21:35 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a word if you are only shy about it when you have to leave a urine sample? Pre-employment drug tests are the worst for me. It doesn't matter how much water I drink beforehand, how relaxed I try to be and there is no sink in the room to run water which helps me a little bit in doctors offices. It is super embarrassing for the nurse to come check on you and you have to explain that you are ok, and yes you do need to pee, but just can't seem to bring yourself to pee in the damn cup.
Dijitized ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:31:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I replied to thenullroot with this:
1RedReddit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:01:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm going to try this next time I'm in a public toilet.
CabbagePastrami ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:20:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be careful. If you're absent minded let alone have ADHD you may end up not letting go of the thought and wind up standing there with your dick out long after your done peeing.
Dijitized ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to know if it works for others. It really does work amazingly well for me. I've had anxiety forever especially at urinals.
amanko13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:25:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh good. Trying to sing the national anthem in my head just stopped working.
sovereign666 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:38:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try taking a knee. That usually works for me.
Wattmillis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:30:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A true pro at life in this situation would loudly proclaim they had to shit and go to or wait for a stall
sagaciousbadger ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:37:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg Iโm not the only one that does this LMAO it frustrates me to no end. I just stand there thinking cmon man you can do it! But nothing ever happens so I just pretend I went and wash my hands and hate myself LOL
zuccah ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:20:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually called Paruresis. There's several ways to deal with it, focusing on other things is one method (the multiplication table that someone mentioned), another method is to hold your breath (the carbon dioxide builds up in your muscles and forcibly makes you relax and urinate). Other ways of dealing with it are forms of therapy.
Tonikupe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:54:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always feel horrible still cus i imagine they didnt hear a piss stream and know exactly thw shameful thing I just did
sagaciousbadger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:50:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ me every damn time! Lol
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:56:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
twistsouth ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:06:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have to say if that happened to me Iโd probably just go drown myself in the sink. Thereโs no coming back from shitting yourself at a urinal.
CabbagePastrami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are there better places to shit yourself in public?
pandaclaw_ ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 20:43:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't even have anxiety, I'm just that awkward.
mEYEndfulTrading ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not awkward and don't have anxiety and this happens to me a lot too... sometimes i just piss in the stall with the door open
beetman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We know you didn't go. We all know.
Dijitized ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:30:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I replied to thenullroot with this:
ADanceWithYolos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the fucking time. I'll wash my hands then head to a different bathroom or sneak into a stall.
sovereign666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have definitely done this
BeardyMcFlannel7575 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens to me periodically. Sometimes I can piss, other times I cant. I ALWAYS avoid shitting in public tho.
BenfoSherman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this issue for four years and it stopped about two years ago.....I have no idea why.
D3aek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Happens to me every time i try to use a urinal. Super annoying because I don't even have anxiety really, but I can't de-clench to pee when people are around.
imforit ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 18:53:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a form of stage fright, a lot of people have it.
Turnbills ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 20:11:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It sucks ass
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 22:42:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty dumb that we have urinals in the first place though.
Turnbills ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:53:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean theyre pretty efficient in terms of water usage, and quick to use as long as nobody is around or I'm sufficiently drunk lol
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:54:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is true, it would be nice if they at least had some more privacy though.
snowboardMT ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:56:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Urinals without the little divider walls are the worst.
capitoloftexas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:03:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt even attempt to use those, I will gladly go into a stall.
ICantThinkOfNameHelp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It sucks dick that when sucked releases a biblical flood of pent up liquid.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:48:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just use a stall. I cannot fucking take a piss at a urinal. I can't even shit if I need to at a public toilet if anyone is in the washroom too
thenullroot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:16:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know right? The stage fright is real.
pflashan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 22:50:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Many of the other replies here I've thought, "whew, glad that's not me." Then I found yours. This is a total psychological hangup for me. If the bathroom is packed, and there isn't a stall open, I'm in trouble.
thenullroot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:51:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad to meet brother!
pflashan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:02:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strangely, or maybe not so strangely, knowing I'm not alone makes it more tolerable.
thenullroot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:05:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If only we could pee in the same bathroom together.
DrowningBronco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:02:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Airport in Japan had people standing in a line beside the urinals. No privacy walls either. Not cool, not cool.
lemonfluff ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:55:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They did a very unethical but cool experiment on social awkwardness when peeing in the 70s(?) Basically some guy with a notepad, stopwatch and recorder hid in the stall and recorded how long it took men to pee. Another confederate would stand either 3,2 or 1 urinals away. Men take longer to pee when you stand closer, because of anxiety.
https://www.ua-magazine.com/ten-unusual-experiment-in-the-name-of-science-the-urinal-terrorists/#.Wd_ypGhSzIU
thenullroot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:05:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've heard of this! I wonder how awkward and sleepy it must have been for the recorder of shits and piss.
lemonfluff ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:16:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was at a university and all I can imagine is two college students deciding this would be a great idea, and the guy int the stall trying really hard not to laugh as he records this strangers piss hitting the urinal.
Bananabuster15 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:48:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2
thenullroot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:55:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:36:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4!
GGme ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:41:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
5?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:43:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
6~
sardinez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:39:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DUDE.
nice
Dijitized ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I too have done this. I read in a LPT that if you do multiplication tables while you stand there with your junk out, you will be able to pee. Now I don't have performance anxiety at the urinal. Do multiplications that are difficult for you to really work that part of your brain. The harder the math the easier the flow. I really hope that this works for you.
marshal_mellow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:36:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw this tip on reddit years ago. A side effect is you get really good at doing math in your head.
Logan-The-Huge ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:05:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Work through a math problem in your head. Something easy but just enough to get you thinking and you'll pee right away
thenullroot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have to try that!
jewelmoo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:08:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god I'm so glad I'm not a guy
thenullroot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:44:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has its ups and downs!
Rhinofreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:29 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pun intended?
OMFGSteve ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:27:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next time this happens, do mental math while you're standing there. 7+3, 8 x 4. Stuff like that, will start getting your brain off the fact you have to pee with people waiting and you'll hit the ground running, just keep doing math.
Mallus_Diplo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I piss in a stall when theyโre available.
Clashin_Creepers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:53:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're just giving Noah time to build the ark
ilovemallory ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:00:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I envy people who can urinate in the presence of others. For me, it's either a case of payment in installments or delayed payment
zuccah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually called Paruresis. There's several ways to deal with it, focusing on other things is one method (the multiplication table that someone mentioned), another method is to hold your breath (the carbon dioxide builds up in your muscles and forcibly makes you relax and urinate). Other ways of dealing with it are forms of therapy.
roflpwntnoob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:50:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/KkHL2qRM_mg
thenullroot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg yes
Earlygravelionsp3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Army drug tests were miserable for me. Usually lasted until the night(started at 5-6 am) with me unable to pee until I was in a ton of pain from an over filled bladder. I always felt so bad because I basically wasted someone else's entire day.
Chokmahh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I'm going pee at a urinal and a teacher comes in I freeze. I can not piss. I stand there awkwardly trying to push my pee out until the teacher leaves
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
thenullroot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:30:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly!
theGarrick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:32:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have this problem, then I joined the Navy after high school. Within an hour of arriving at boot camp everyone has to do a urinalysis. This isn't like one a civilian would have to do in private stall, someone has to observe the urine leaving your body and entering the cup to ensure it hasn't been tampered with. To do this they line up about fifty dudes a few feet back from the urinals then they station guys at either end of the line who squat down and have to watch everyone pee in the cup. After a few times of some guy staring at my junk while I was trying pee I was cured.
thenullroot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:42:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually tried this method with my partner! I had her come into the bathroom while I pee, I think it's helping a bit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sometimes notice the dude next to me is having trouble, so to make him feel better I'll finish and place a hand on his shoulder and tell him to take his time, we are all rooting for him, and him and his little buddy just need to relax.
thenullroot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:57:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol that sounds really reassuring in writing, and terrifying in person.
cynicaluser- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:13:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've developed a habit where I don't like peeing in public restrooms if there is someone there. I either have to be in a stall or I'm using a urinal, there can't be anyone there. There's been so many times where I have to pee really bad but my dumb ass decides to wait.
floppyfolds ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:19:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I thought I was the only one who freaked out like this.
iEpidemics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this... Took baby steps to make it obvious I was peeing by trying to have a loud stream. Learned that urinals and toilets were made to lessen the sound and reduce splashback and that by trying to sound like I was a tough pee-er? I practically pissed all over my shoes/pants, sometimes shirt depending on the height of the urinal and the angle I sprayed at. Now I'm at the point where I just try to make the guy next to me as uncomfortable as possible. It's fun. Sometimes all it takes is clearing your throat or grunting to scare them and make em stop peeing or jump. 10/10 try it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have also started standing back farther from them, use to go really close and get piss raining down on my shoes. But yeah, feels great to have a really strong stream going when another guy is in the urinal next to you, it's like a sense of dominance to hear their trickle.
suchbsman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the ol' shy bladder, been there before. Sometimes just thinking of something else or doing simple math in your mind can help.
josephblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I always go to the stalls. It takes too much time and makes me look like a perv, standing there not actually peeing. In the stalls noone can see me and my anxiety can't kick in
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:52:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I don't here a plop from a guy in a stall I'll call him out when he leaves. I also will check under it to make sure he is sitting.
josephblade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:41:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call him out.... on what? Using the restroom?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Using it wrong.
josephblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol you should get a toilet inspector badge. And maybe get a hobby.
astonesthrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2.
robobreasts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, "Bashful Bladder Syndrome." The LPT I discovered through reddit is to do math in your head.
Try doing powers-of-two, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, and so on. You end up concentrating on that instead of your anxiety and makes the pee flow.
llambie42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:21 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never understood how guys can all pee together.
Guses ยท 659 points ยท Posted at 20:10:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a timeshare now.
dabriela ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 23:38:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yikes
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:04:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have gotten two, that way you can vacation for free!
mandabananaba ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:10:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta double down so you don't get got.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:12:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I donโt get got.
I get.
mandabananaba ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:34:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A timeshare AND a pyramid scheme; we're diversifying our portfolio!
BlackLiteNinja8 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:27:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, same. I went to Vegas this summer, and they told me I could get free breakfast if I went over to this other hotel. So I went. The guy that was guiding me through the facility was really cool and very attractive. I now own a timeshare. Fuck me.
Licensedpterodactyl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:48:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody from this thread is ripe pickin's for them, they just got to you first.
I'm so, so sorry.
DerekB52 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:44:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This ended up being like 10 minutes of scrolling down for me. It's the last comment I'm reading on this thread. And it was so worth it. I laughed so hard.
Guses ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:54:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad you liked it.
Can I interest you in accepting my timeshare, free of charge?
DerekB52 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:17:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a little bit of social anxiety(after reading this thread I have less than I thought), but I have enough confidence to say no. Go sell it to Mac or Dennis.
auben2k2 ยท 509 points ยท Posted at 20:09:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around the time I first got my license, I locked my keys in the car and called Pick-a-lock. I googled their number and chose the first link. Not realizing it was an advertisement for a different company I had called and placed a service call to get a technician to come out and unlock my car for me. About 20 minutes later an Indian man rolls up in a beat up van and spots my car, a 95 3000gt sl. He comes up, starts talking to me. I can barely understand him, he has a very thick accent. I hear him say $120 to unlcok my car and I immediately denied, because the company I meant to call was going to charge $50. I asked him exactly what he was gonna do to unlock my car and he demonstrates by unlocking my car without asking. He then proceeds to attempt to charge me and I am too awkward/young to deny. I told him I only had my debit card, which was true and on this other company's website it stated they accepted all kinds of credit cards. He said "No, only cash." He then suggested he follows me to the closest ATM so I could get cash out. I said "Sure, follow me." I got into my car slowly pulled out of the parking lot i was in. He was following me, I then proceeded to immediately and unexpectedly change lanes and take off and proceeding to get onto the highway. At this point I was trying to lose him, I am not sure what went through my mind to do this, but I did. I'm flying down the interstate now at about 80mph in a 55. I see him back there in my rear view mirror keeping a visual on me. I take the first exit I could, then get back onto the interstate trying to lose him. I came to a round about and drove through it about 3 times, he kept following me. Eventually I proceeded to get back onto the highway and he sped up, at this point we were both going around 90mph. He was getting aggressive now. He was all over the road trying to get me to stop, pulling in front of me, slamming on his breaks. Cutting other people off. It then hit me that this was seriously stupid and dangerous to everyone around us. I pulled off to the shoulder and stopped my car, he did the same but he was stopped on the interstate. Another vehicle pulled over and stopped and proceeded to yell at the Indian man "You almost killed my son and I." The Indian man, got out of his car with an empty glass beer bottle about to use it as a weapon, proceeds to hit my car with it. I'm backing away from the dude and my car. Everyone is yelling the Indian dude then reaches into my car, grabbing my phone and running to his car. He starts to take off I then run up and punch him in the face from outside his car, his windows were down. I reach for my phone but he speeds off and I fall to the ground almost getting hit by him. The other bystanders ask me if I'm okay and what the hell was going. I say he tried to steal my car earlier and that he just took off with my phone. The end. Real story. Stupidest and most reckless thing I have ever done. Ashamed til this day.
spacedoutinspace ยท 231 points ยท Posted at 23:02:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story escalated to such a degree i was expecting a murder
beartiger3 ยท 218 points ยท Posted at 21:03:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck
DuckSmash ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems odd they both had their windows down after driving that fast...
auben2k2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:12:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I always drive with my windows and sun roof open. Especially on the highway. Wind feels great.
CabbagePastrami ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:43:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I don't give a full if it's true or not it was the greatest funniest shit I've ever read can't stop laughing ha ha ha
auben2k2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:21:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100% true. I hate driving on that road, brings the memories back.
CabbagePastrami ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:09:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I swear that has to be the craziest shit ever.
I mean after you chose to jet from the guy, I thought "ha ha that's hilarious, the guy's gonna go home and find the locksmith waiting at his house!"
I mean wtf was with the guy turning it into some fast and furious shit? He had your address and details... why turn it into some action movie shit?
So point is don't feel bad or ashamed. You just made a real dumb move in an intimidating situation. You even told the guy you didn't want the service and he did it anyway and demanded the cash.
Anyway really hope you can just reframe it as what it is: hilarious fucking story and luckily didn't wind up getting you killed.
Crazy shit man, it happens.
auben2k2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:06:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great response, but he didn't have my address or anything. I wasn't home when I placed the service call. I was out getting coffee or something and locked my keys in the car in the process. But yeah, I've definitely learned from it and it is a hilarious story lol
staplesz ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 23:02:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:47:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:50:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
Living-Ghost ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 22:36:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One hell of an adventure.
auben2k2 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 15:35:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part 2: Getting my phone back. This is when this story gets real stupid. So immediately after this whole ordeal happened I was only about 5 minutes from my dad's house. I drove over there went inside and told him my phone was stolen. I told him that what happened was that I locked my keys in my car and a fraud company showed up and I refused to pay so the dude stole my phone. My dad flipped shit, tried to get the cops involved and I just said no to the cops. So my dad said we will call the company again and see if we could get the same dude to come out, but this time to my dads house. My dad pulled out his guns, just two 9mm pistols, like he was ready to shoot this guy. I thought that was overreacting. But anyways, my dad also got my brother involved. My brother was waiting in his car up the street waiting for this dude to pull into our driveway and he was going to pull in behind him to block his exit. So we are all posted waiting for this dude to show up. After about 30 minutes of waiting, I come out and explain to my dad the real story. He gives me the whole father line, "you know you dont have to lie to me, you can tell me anything and i'll help you get through whatever."So at this point my dad understands that I first tried to steal from him, but he ended up stealing from me. Eventually someone does show up, it's a different guy though. This time two indian dudes in a white work van. My dad goes out after confirming with me that it isn't the same man. He speaks with the two guys, they seem understanding and they said that they will get my phone back and the other dude will be fired. A few hours later they show back up at my dads house with my phone. They agreed to give the phone back if we paid the $85 fee for getting my car unlocked earlier that day, so we did. In the end the initial indian man trying to unlock my car was, in ways, trying to scam me. Trying to charge me $120, rather than the $85 fee the company has posted(words of the other indian dudes). He also tried to say they didn't accept credit cards. The other indian dudes both said that they do accept credit cards and that the tech that unlocked my car was trying to pocket my money.... So thats the whole story, the second part(getting my phone back) is a bit summed up. Hope you enjoyed the story of the most stupid action of my life. LOL Need teach kids how to react under pressure.
TomasNavarro ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:28:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recently saw a video that pointed out how easy it is to manipulate google to get your ad at the top, pushing out real ads, stuff like that. The guy used it to put a fake phone number for the Secret Service, so he got all their calls instead.
Anyway, one of the specific examples he gets, was someone putting up an ad for a locksmiths, saying they'd unlock your car for like $20. Then turning up, doing it, and using intimidation to make sure you pay them the $300 they were asking for or similar, even going as far as taking you to an ATM to make sure they get the money.
Was weird that I saw that video like 2 days ago, then read this today
Oilosity12356 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:38:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf lol
staplesz ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:02:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:48:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:49:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
carverthekid ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:40:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YOU'RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE, SON
staplesz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:02:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:47:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:49:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
staplesz ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:02:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 23:47:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:48:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
staplesz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:02:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:48:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:49:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
andretosatti ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:54:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna make a movie of it
auben2k2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:10:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Baby driver prequel
redditaccount292929 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:15:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were in a 3000gt and some Indian guy in a van kept up?
I am so disappointed in you.
auben2k2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was very disappointed in myself lol But I did have an SL it wasn't twin turbo or stick lol Just a v6 and an automatic
1_In_70000000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:58:31 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I was about to comment about that match-up, I have been chased in my car twice now. I drive a 1991 Firebird.. it's 3500lbs and only has 145~ HP. The first car was a van and the other was a newish golf GTI (much faster and more agile than my car) both times I got away in just a few moves... An easy good way to do it is to speed up for a bit and wait for them to get beside you, keep them beside you! Wait until you have a side street and SLAM on the breaks and dip down the side street. You will be going too fast for them to follow if you did it right then it's just a matter of hiding.
auben2k2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:05:23 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah, know that now lol I cracked under pressure and had no idea what to do.
redditaccount292929 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:39:28 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha my Chevy sonic with 138hp and front wheel drive(manual though) was usually faster than my friend's G37 in that they won't push it. In a straight line they'd take me in the rare occurrence they'd actually get on the gas but when there are any corners I'd be yelling at them over the phone to speed it up, and in many cases straight overtake them.
With the use of my ebrake I was able to closely match my friend's Mustang following him sliding around corners.
In the end though I took it to the limit and paid for it. It being an economy hatchback that never wanted to slip it's tail end without heavy braking or the ebrake I took everything faster and faster and ironically, I knew my limits on the obviously sharp turns, didn't have a problem with them. What got me was a long gentler curve.
I put no thought into it, I took far sharper turns before and had gassed it on slight curves, so this was nothing new. I didnt even consider it being wet. I dropped into third and gave it decent throttle, I'm going around the curve, I'm going around the curve, and there it is, the understeer, I'm going straight off the curve towards pitch blackness, which looking at in the daytime, was a drop and many trees.
I slammed on the brakes causing me to fishtail, I exit the corner still flying, I'm facing a fence, countersteer to the left and before I can bring it back to the right I'm on grass, I must have jumped a ditch because there were deep ones separating the lawns from the road. No sooner do I see a mailbox in front of me my airbags have gone off and the passenger side windows are smashed. I coasted through around three large lawns to a stop. Looking at my marks in the grass I've missed an electrical pole by around 10 feet to the left and came to rest maybe 20 feet from a large bolder. The cop looked at the stump of the mailbox i hit and said "i think the rest of it disintegrated."
That happened on Tuesday, my car is totaled. I'm 16, whenever I might get another car the insurance is going to be through the roof.
I just typed like a whole book haha, sorry. I was kinda getting this out and thought it would be something interesting to share.
MrRieper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:32 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, luckily you're okay.
1_In_70000000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:54 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa that was a rollercoaster, I'm glad your okay.
I'm the total opposite, I know the fastest I can take curves in my car but I still have no clue how tight I can corner it, a few times in the rain I've tried some power slides and I know I'm not good enough yet, my back end is so light I just do a total 180. I don't have the money for keeping up the car if I drive it hard so I'll just have to wait.
BrickTop94 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get your phone back?
auben2k2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but that is another whole story
frolicking_elephants ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:52:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I demand it be told.
auben2k2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
done and typed up. Look at comments of the story.
bnkv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit im dying right now
staplesz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:02:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:47:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:48:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
staplesz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:48:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:48:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
marcusaurelion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was a ride from start to finish
panther616 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:15:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/thathappened
staplesz ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:48:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:48:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
staplesz ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:48:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:48:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
staplesz ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that was exciting to read
ubiquitousbox ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:48:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:48:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
sunshine98765 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:04:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karma will catch you sooner or later
reddski ยท 492 points ยท Posted at 19:48:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was eating an apple in the window seat on a flight to San Diego and I didn't want to bother the guys sitting next to me when I reached over to throw the core away so I ate the entire thing, seeds and all. :)
dwellronthethreshold ยท 231 points ยท Posted at 22:33:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just imagining them seeing you do this and thinking to themselves "What the heck is wrong with that guy?"
totheskylark ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 22:44:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I'm gonna need some statistics on how many people eat apple cores vs how many don't.
thedeepandlovelydark ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:48:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I legit eat everything but the stem. Idk why I started doing this, but I cannot stop.
R0K3TC4T ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
same
eleventytwelv ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine eats the entire apple, top down. I guess he heard you don't feel the core as much that way
LetsStartARi0t ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:30:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A former coworker used to do that on purpose because she liked it.
She ate her apple from the top down after removing the stem because "If you eat it this way the core disappears". We had trash bins at every cubicle and I saw her do it a few times before she left the company.
jinantonyx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:19:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A guy I work with did that once, mostly to freak out some of our other coworkers. After that, I convinced him to eat a kiwi like an apple, skin and all, to further freak them out.
myps3brokeYo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:23:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually know someone who would eat kiwi with a skin... at that time I always peeled skins off of kiwi.. and thought I was weird for peeling the skin
NukeRiskGuy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:33:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apple seeds contain cyanide. You would have to eat about 200 seeds to get a lethal dose, but the seeds can make you sick.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:54:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know so many people who eat the core the people beside you probably didn't even flinch.
extreme_douchebag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf (wo)man, those seeds have cyanide!
jinantonyx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a hilarious scene in a Donald Westlake book where two groups of people are each told that the other group are dangerous criminals.
One guy is so nervous, while he's eating chicken wings, he accidentally chews the bones.
Across the restaurant, the other people are seriously freaked out, because this dangerous guy is staring at them and eating chicken bones.
They were probably terrified of you.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:23:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this. But just because it all tastes fine. I actually like the seed taste but always get nervous about the miniscule amounts of arsenic.
NikteSa ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 17:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walking many -unecessary- blocks just to avoid passing in front of gathered people on the sidewalk
samdajellybeenie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do this, but I decided a while ago that it's just not worth the embarrassment of going the long way. Just say "excuse me." Or play it off like you're photobombing or something.
NikteSa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:34:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do it because i feel stared at, and see it positively as a workout
rebelrob73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think photobombing is worse than just saying excuse me
Blowinfree ยท 178 points ยท Posted at 21:51:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was watching my friends band at a bar in mpls. He gave me a shout out and told me to give him a count into the start of the next song. Everyone in the bar is now staring at me so I froze... Instead of yelling 1,2 1,2,3 I gave them a 3,2,1 finger count with my hand raised in the air while completely silent. The looks on my buddy's faces was of pure confusion and disappointment. Social anxiety at its finest!
RaChernobyl ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:30:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I was at that show. Red Sea?
Blowinfree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:22:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was Sherbetty. This was probably 6 or so years ago.
krouell ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:44:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk why but this one killed me
ZenithGamer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:40:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great, I just woke up my sleeping wife with my laughter.
jimmyneutron555 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funniest one yet
AageCrow ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 23:10:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Always getting the wrong food...
So, I have a pretty acute fear of people. Like, severely. To the point that I can't confront anyone I don't know well, and by confront I really mean correct when they miss hear me... As a result, when ever I order food in person, if someone miss hears me I just let them order whatever they thought it was they heard.
I worked I a mall for two years straight, nightmare fuel but money was needed. So on my breaks I would go to this subshop that was in the court. It was new to the mall when I first started going there which meant not many people were going there. Perfect. I go there, get up to the counter and try to order a Philly cheesestake. The very polite lady at the register asked, "Chicken Philly?" And my weird comply-or-die complex kicked in and I immediately just said, "yep!" Despite my brain screaming, "No! Not the chicken!" She then asked what I wanted on it but I was still battling the fact that I just signed my sandwiches death warrant and all I could squeak out was, "mushroom." Literally no other toppings. She asked if that was all, my brain screamed more, and I agreed the order was placed.
For all of those two years, I kept eating that same sandwich I never wanted because I never got the courage to correct her every time I made an order. And after the first several months, all of the employees there got to recognizing me to the point that, if they saw me in line they'd auto put my order in and have it ready for me immediately so I could leave as quick as possible, because these sweet people realized I was stupid uncomfortable in crowds and they got popular real quick. They'd always say something like, "hang in there!" And I would just graciously nod and make my way to a secluded spot to eat my daily disappointment sandwich. I guess I can't complain much, it was really good and sometimes they'd add something a little different like cheese fries cause I was a loyal regular.
But then I stopped working there and they didn't see me for three years, when I got laid off from that job I ended up going back to work at the mall. My first time back in three years, that first cashier is still there. She recognized me immediately - immediately recognized me and as she put in my order she shouted back to the cook and manager, "she's back." And now the cycle continues...again... My husband gets a kick out of it every time we go together. He can't help but burst into laughter knowing full well that they'll ask him what he wants but will just go ahead and auto order my chicken Philly with mushroom...
UnfamiliarMeme ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:01:45 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I think this story is so sweet, and glad you still liked the sandwich hahaha
AageCrow ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 11:43:11 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The subs are so good, I think I probably would have liked anything on their menu. It's only a shame that I'll only ever eat the one sandwich. Lol
SuaveUchiha ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:28:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wholesome AF ๐ญ
AageCrow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:50:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could say that this is the only instance this has happened but it's not... Happens at almost every restaurant I go to...
brickwall5 ยท 164 points ยท Posted at 19:39:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey just wanted to shout out all y'all and say thanks for making me feel better :)
notevengonnatryffs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:40:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, you're not the only one :p
whatifimnot ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:09:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been solid laughs at the end of a bad day for me. I like reddit for many things, but I think this is the very best redditing ever.
jimmyneutron555 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:58:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. Some real genuine laughs
DilatedTeachers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah what the fuck is going here?
bbtvvz ยท 84 points ยท Posted at 22:27:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, just today my roommate asked me to make her dinner because she wouldn't be home until after eight. So I said sure, I'll make enough for the two of us. I postponed my dinner so we could eat together. When she got home we chatted for a bit while I was hanging my laundry, then she took some food into her room. Totally understandable after a stressful day. So I went to get my food from the pan after I was done with the laundry, and she had taken the entire meal I had prepared.
Naturally, I was too awkward to go ask her to relinquish my share and I just quietly went to bed hungry. Cause that's just the most reasonable solution.
pnutbutterjellyfine ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 02:34:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now your roommate is figuring out how to throw away a bunch of food from her bedroom because she doesn't want to seem rude and not eat all the meal you prepared for her.
mrstry ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 01:28:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just had a baby last October. When you're six weeks postpartum, you go see your OB for a check-up to make sure everything is healing ok and etc. On the day of the appointment, I leave the baby home with my husband and go to the doctor.
The nurse comes in and does the normal blood pressure check, etc. She casually mentions that they have a student working with the doctor today, and would I mind if the student helps during my exam? I allow the student because I'm a huge fan of helping people learn.
So the student walks in. To my chagrin, it's one of the "cool girls" from middle school, let's call her Mary. We had been pretty good friends, both of us went through some tough shit with self-harm, teenage angst/depression, etc before I was suddenly and bitterly ousted from the "cool" group by mid-seventh grade.
After entering the room, Mary says hello, and by the look in her eyes, she totally recognizes me but pretends not to. Of course I'm socially awkward and just pretend that I don't know who she is either.
She asks some awkward questions about my bleeding, my netherbits, etc. I answer candidly and too loudly. She leaves. I heave a sigh of relief.
5 minutes later, my doc walks in with Mary again. FUCK. My doc asks me some questions, which I, again, answer too loudly. Doc looks at Mary and says, "you can do the check".
Before I know it, and because I'm too awkward to say anything, my middle school frenemy Mary has three fingers up my childbirth-destroyed vagina. She had mercy on both of us and made it quick. I wanted to die. She wanted to die.
We finished up the appointment and before she walked out of the room, she said quietly "nice seeing you" or something just as cringeworthy.
I haven't seen her since.
Depressed_moose ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:25:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had something similar happen, except it turns out the person in charge of putting iuds in was my neighbor. Continued to live near then for the next 2 years, knowing he'd seen way more of my internal workings than pretty much anyone.
Salty_Sea07 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:45:36 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hoooooooly shit that's awkward
poorexcuses ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:28:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn. I did that too, but realized only too late that since my doctor and the student were both male, the nurse had to come in for safety I guess so there were three people just standing their looking at my cooch.
Salty_Sea07 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:46:24 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats! Also, that's something she's going to have to get used to, so it was def a learning experience for her too.
researchit35 ยท 165 points ยท Posted at 22:01:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get scared that my roommates will bust into my room and drag me to social events. So I sometimes lay under my bed til they leave.
blueisthenewblack ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 00:21:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if they bust in and find you under the bed?
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:49:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And bring the social event to him!
researchit35 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:02:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was well hidden, but that would've made things very strange!
blueisthenewblack ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:48:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose you could just tell them you were looking for something haha
lagelthrow ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 22:32:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting in an elevator. There was someone else in it as well. It was quite a small elevator. Carpeted floor... I was chewing gum. Tried to blow a bubble. Instead, I just spit my gum onto the floor. So instead of doing something, ANYTHING, normal, I bent down, picked it up, and just shoved it straight into my pocket. Just right in there.
MrRieper ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:00:34 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly thought you were going to say you put it back in your mouth.
lagelthrow ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:47:20 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that would have been GROSSER for the man in the elevator with me, but at least wouldn't have led me to a pocket full of gum...
ihctuhcz ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 22:35:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm a 24 year old young professional. Once I was buying groceries and swiped my credit card in one of those machines where you have to insert the chip instead. I swiped the card a couple times before the cashier pointed out I needed to insert the card instead of swipe. Silly me... But to lighten the mood, I said in a extremely sarcastic voice to the cashier โSorry, itโs the first time Iโve ever bought groceries.โ The look and shock that came over her face was priceless. She then looked at me and said โDonโt worry!! It gets easier I promise!!โ And then proceeds to explain to me about how to properly grocery shop and check out over the next 5-10 min with other customers in line behind me who now also perceived me as some half wit who had never grocery shopped before in his 24 years of life. I just didnโt have the heart to tell her that I wasnโt being serious, as it seemed like she really thought she was making an impact on me by explaining all this.
OakTea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:57:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are the chips not common where you live?
Guestwhos ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:22:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just got the chip card not 5 months ago, it took many swipes to figure it out.
Now that I'm use to chip cards, I realize that they are pieces of shit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:37:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lightningseeds ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:03:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does it have anything to do with monopolized and throttled internet service?
Guestwhos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:42:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to move to Canada solely for that reason, lol.
Some stores I goto take 10 or more seconds, the same ones I use to swipe and have it printing a receipt before my card was back in my wallet.
falco_iii ยท 278 points ยท Posted at 22:12:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tl;dr I sat with my finger on a PC power button because I was an awkward idiot.
I was an IT intern and was learning from my boss. He said "We are going to hard reboot..."
and I immediately pushed in the power button on his desktop
"... this other system"
I froze, realizing that his PC would only shutdown when the button was released and my finger was the only thing stopping it. Boss was remote connecting to another computer to reboot it and he did not notice my finger was on the button of his PC. Not wanting to shutdown my boss' computer for no reason in front of him, I sat there, learning stuff from him for what felt like an eternity, all the while with my finger on the button. I kept asking questions, getting him to show me stuff I already knew, stuff i would never use, anything... Over an hour later, he mentioned he needed to get to work on ProjectX, and I should get to my desk and start doing the things he showed me. My frantic brain came up with the great story "Hey forgot to mention the ProjectX Manager wants you to swing by the conference room, there are questions the team had, not sure if the meeting is still going on."
He got up and walked to the conference room. When he came back, I was dutifully working at my own desk and his PC was mysteriously rebooting.
Donna_Freaking_Noble ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:15:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my goodness, I can't breathe.
longbowapache64 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:27:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But if you hold the power button down, doesn't it shut down after five seconds?
Rabbyk ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:04:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most desktops have (had? I'm getting old) mechanical switches that don't cycle power until they're released.
Mipper ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:33:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you can turn that off, but why would you have shutdown on single press and no force shutdown on hold... Suspicious.
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:16:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funniest thread Ive read so far, I cant imagine holding the power button for an hour without him noticing
Jufilup ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:49:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant
[deleted] ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 22:04:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rootbeer4 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:13:59 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like the obvious solution, like going home, just never occurs to someone in these situations. I love your story about seniors pranking freshmen, it sounds plausible!
georgecantstandyaaa ยท 141 points ยท Posted at 18:53:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is not the dumbest โฆ just awkward. This one time I was walking home alone, drunk around 3am down a long secluded road. A car drove by and instead of being normal and walking on the sidewalk I was paranoid and ducked into the ditch and hid behind some shrubs (not well hidden at all). After the car drove by I see a guy walking past me and noticing me trying to hide. He asked what I was doing. It turned out to be a guy I had just met a few weeks prior.
MasterEzioAuditore ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:06:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something similar happened to me. I was walking drunk as fuck away from a party up a dirt road to the regular road where we were getting picked up. I saw people walking towards the party and for some reason I fuckin panicked and jumped into the bushes and put my head down and hid until long after they passed by.
georgecantstandyaaa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:56:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha that's almost identical to my story, crazy! We are weird i guess.
culdesaccolony ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 19:32:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was around 6 years old, and playing at a friend's house. Had to use the bathroom, turned out to be a #2 - no toilet paper. Sensible thing would be to call and ask for a roll in, right? Nope. I walked my shit-smeared ass home, wiped, and came back 10 minutes later.
What the fuck.
lvsixaxisvl ยท 130 points ยท Posted at 17:24:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On one of my first days of college I walked a different way to avoid walking in the same direction of my lab partners / classmates I just met after saying goodbye to them, and got lost.
TheJesseClark ยท 182 points ยท Posted at 18:04:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of an old Kevin James standup joke where he talks about pretending the hotel basement is where you intended to go so you don't have to admit to the other elevator passengers that you walked off at the wrong floor. Even though they know.
sk1nnyjeans ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:14:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Kevin James did stand-up
littlezims ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:38:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually a decent special. I was expecting a shit special and it was actually one of my favorites 11 or so years ago.
desbot5000 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:09:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bit about the phone number rhythm always gets me
mortal_rombat17 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:10:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the bits from that special that made it's way into King of Queens too.
astute_potato ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:08:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BUM BUM BUM. BUM BUM. BUM BUM.
astute_potato ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:09:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs fine, I wanted the basement!
treydayallday ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 23:48:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just started working as an IT Manager and my entire team is made up of Indian's working here on Green Cards with very thick accents. I was approached in my cube by a new team member who asked me a question. Twice I asked him to repeat himself and at this point I panicked not understanding him the second time. Instead of asking again I acted like something alarming had occurred in an email that required my immediate attention. I told him I was simply too busy right now and to email me with his question and I'd get to it. Minutes later I get an email that says "how was your lunch?"
forestine ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhhhh noooooooooo
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:02:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I audibly gasped. Oh nooooo I can't believe he sent the email
FauxGingerSnapped ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:47:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cried out NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
BlumBlumShub ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:30:14 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D:
FYI you don't need an apostrophe for "Indians". It's just a plural.
OddSockOut ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 20:26:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My school ID broke about 8 months ago in college because it snapped in half so I couldnโt open any doors or go anywhere but I didnโt know where there security office was to get a replacement so I just followed people through doors and hoped for the best for 8 months straight. Friend finally made me replace it today after being tired of me stealing his ID and holding my hand all the way to the office because Iโm a Neanderthal.
valkea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:20:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww I'm glad your friend helped! I totally get it, you're not a Neanderthal
hermionejean1 ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 23:56:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college one year, I lived in a house with 3 other people. My boyfriend borrowed my car one night to haul some stuff and I stayed home. I was home alone, relaxing in my room with the lights off, but I had the door open.
One of my roommates arrived home and as there were no other cars at the house, assumed he was home alone. He hopped in the shower, came out, and walked into the kitchen with just his towel on and another towel on his head with his hair wrapped in it. My room was right by the kitchen, so I saw him go past. He then proceeded to blast โI Wanna Dance With Somebodyโ and sing at the top of his lungs.
Instead of letting him know I was there and heard the whole thing, I waited for him to finish, grabbed my keys, quietly climbed out my window, and went around the front of the house so as to look like I was just arriving home.
TheFictionalMe ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:29:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had that been me, just know that I would have truly appreciated the effort.
[deleted] ยท 223 points ยท Posted at 19:26:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dwellronthethreshold ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 22:43:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:( This is literally what I'm terrified of- accidentally hitting someone/thing with my car. At least the mom realized it wasn't your fault and didn't get angry. I also get really awkward when I'm embarrassed and it has caused me to smile/laugh when I definitely shouldn't so I understand that response.
tigerpouncepurr ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:56:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โ...and that, children, is why we donโt run into the street.โ
frolicking_elephants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:54:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who were you trying to reply to?
dwellronthethreshold ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the comment I replied to was deleted. Someone wrote a story about a dog running at the side of the car and they accidentally hit it.
Quarterpound0 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:53:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn, dude.
nostalico ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:05:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit... That sounds like a nightmare
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:43:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That reminds me a lot of a quote from a book.
Catman360 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sauce please
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:46:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anna Karrenina by Leo Tolstoy.
Arshia42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christ... sorry you had to go through all that
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:41:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MistyWindy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:59:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's weird how people have different reactions to things. I didn't find this story funny at all; it made me feel really sad for the dog and OP. :(
CabbagePastrami ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:35:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeh wtf!?
Shit was depressing...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:54:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CabbagePastrami ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That really put it into context. Hell come to think of it when he mentioned the dog licking the blood off the rim I think I kinda half laughed before thinking shit I hope his dog's not going to suddenly die too...
I see what you mean. Especially in he context of the thread...whole thing just seemed absurd. And the smiling while explaining...shit I can't believe I'm laughing at it now...(sorry OP)
[deleted] ยท 115 points ยท Posted at 19:14:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Relax007 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:37:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel you. I once spent 4 and a half hours at a major chain waiting for an oil change because they forgot me and I was too embarrassed to ask what was taking so long.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:30 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like you should have had a parent there.
MrTopHatMan90 ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 18:54:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I make up random song names and find obscure genre's just so people don't know what music I listen to. all the songs on my phone have been renamed to something else (rolling girl is now falling grill)
CheerfulMystery ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 23:04:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
soo, what kind of music do you listen to?
MrTopHatMan90 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:09:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Internal screaming
m_jansen ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 23:12:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I totally love that band!
OakTea ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:47:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But why?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:32:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no shame in listening to Hatsune Miku
MrTopHatMan90 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:43:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firstly nice catch, secondly it's not something I want people to know about although all the songs are mostly covers (think this one was by judy) so they're mostly English, it's irrational but I just get easily embarased
parcequenicole ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:08:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God that sounds like a lot of effort
MrTopHatMan90 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:11:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you start out early it isn't so bad
BlumBlumShub ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:33:23 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FYI "genres" doesn't need an apostrophe.
onefortysevenone ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 21:23:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the thread. Posted this before too, but anyway.
A few years ago me and my wife moved in to her parents place to save some money, so we were adjusting to living with parents again, it was strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up one morning and it felt like the world was about to fall out of my butthole, I went to open the bedroom door and could hear my father in law getting ready to head out for work. I'm panicking thinking fuck, I know this is gonna be bad, I'm not gonna go take this mega dump so early on into our time living here, I need to devise a plan.
I stayed in the bedroom, emptied out the little bin we had in the corner, and shit into the bag that was placed in there, I wipe my butt with some tissues that happened to be on the side, stand up and tie a knot in the bag.
Now I'm getting ready for work with this bag of shit by my feet, my next stage is to get rid of this thing, I can't do it in any of the bins here, think fuck it I'll take it out and find the nearest one I can see, I even question putting this bag of shit in a neighbours place if nobody sees.
I walked 15 minutes to work with a bag of my own crap in my hoody pocket until I could find a public bin to throw it in.
TLDR - I shit in a bag and carried it work.
parcequenicole ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:26:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where was your wife while you pooped?
ladygrey_ ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 21:24:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At age 12, I had already been vegetarian for 2 years. I went to a classmateโs house to work on a science project and stayed over for dinner, which was steak and homemade coleslaw. My friendโs dad laughed, saying his wife only went all out with steak when someone was over. Instead of just saying I was vegetarian, I ate a bunch of steak, felt too awkward to say no when asked if I wanted seconds, and proceeded to have the shits for the next 2 days because my body didnโt know wtf to do with all that meat after not eating any for so long
throwbackfinder ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 01:23:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Formatting and poor grammar, apologies in advance.
My father was camping with his gfโs 2 children and their border collie 100 miles away. I was invited but told them I wouldnโt know if I could make it. So on the Saturday, I decide. Fuck it.
Iโll show up unannounced. I pack my stuff but I leave seriously late. Itโs estimated Iโll make it at midnight, at this rate I still think Iโll make it. The plan is Iโll arrive at the site, drive in and pitch up and just appear. What have I got to lose?
Iโm on the motorway, itโs just me and trucks heading for the port. Iโm hard charging through it and suddenly there is a sign. Road closure.
They closed the fucking motorway.
Iโm thinking...โshit..I wonโt make it till 2amโ. I think about it, I pull over, I stare at the ridiculously long lines of traffic (this is at midnight during a holiday season). Thereโs an alternative route shown so I take it. I continue my out of character journey to the site. The cool, thing is - Iโve stayed there before. I remember it like the back of my hand. Apart from one key difference. I arrive at the gate and is a keypad. A fucking keypad. Thereโs no way to get my car in.
โNot todayโ
So I park up outside someoneโs house. I check for signs, restrictions and any other possible reason that my car will disappear from the middle of nowhere.
I decide I need to scout the site. They donโt know Iโm not coming, I also donโt know if they bothered to go! So, with a head torch, a mask, gloves and kitted out like itโs splinter cell, I climb over the fence. Itโs dark, the only areas are the 24hr toilets which are illuminated like the damn Luxor, but with added mosquitoes. I walk down the paved paths, between caravans, motorhomes and tents. Itโs dead quiet. I make it to the deep end of the site. Imagine 4 or 5 fields, connected like Tetris pieces, with a hedge boardering each. You can only access the interior of these square fields by car width gaps.
I spot campfires, people drinking, I pass people going for their late night piss. Many are still awake, burning the midnight oil, laughing, joking, slinging back beers and lit by warming fires. Itโs cosy.
But deep in a corner to my surprise, I see my dads car, and the two tents. Itโs dark, no fires, no torches no laughter. They are all asleep.
I stand there. (Just imagine a figure, standing in the middle of the field, no-one can you as their eyes are focused on their fires)I just look at everyone else having fun, still eating food and making the most of what seemed like a great evening and then I just see a dark corner where they arenโt involved, arenโt talking about ridiculous theories or stories, no fire, no dog no beers.
I think,
โReally... Should I really ring his phone or wake them up to say Ta dahโ
But the bravado, courage and spontaneous motion towards a goal suddenly erases itself. the stealth-like entry, the possibility of a very awkward conversation, onlookers disturbed by a random person with a torch suddenly accessing a tent or slowly raising their voice or startling dog. Fears, and possible misconceptions about my presence suddenly rush in.
I take a few steps back and walk away, passing all the other campers. (Bear in mind itโs pitch black)
I hop the fence, get in my car and just sit there. โHow would have I explained my sudden appearence? I havenโt seen them for a year?โ
I drive down to the sea, a town away and just throw pebbles into the waves. I get back in my car and go home.
I drove over 200 miles in one evening to only realise to myself how weird and awkward the conversation it would be turning up, unconfirmed, into a secure campsite โheyyyyโ
I have never told him. Probably never will. I think if he knew he could have had had a slightly better weekend or something from me just turning up, I think it would just demolish any trust. Thatโs how I see it. Heโs not with the gf now or the dog. I think bringing it up would just be another knife twist.
stillill_ ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:28:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story actually makes me feel a bit sad.
TatteredUser1138 ยท 444 points ยท Posted at 16:16:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I played a major character in a school adaptation of Shakespeareโs Caesar. When asked if I wanted he role, I said no, but they heard yes. Instead of correcting, I went with it. Didnโt do well. Also, the character was stereotypically black, and I am painfully white
[deleted] ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 21:11:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure when Borat girl approached you the next day your shame was forgotten.
riotcowkingofdeimos ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:42:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meta, hah! wait, what if they did meet...
Bawbagula ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:22:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F E T A
RequiemStorm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mmmm
imforit ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 18:44:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
White Othello. Well done, school.
Turnbills ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 20:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair it'd be shitty of them to just be like - Hey (black kids in the class) which one of you is going to be Othello, I'm not giving the part to a whitey - too. I'm glad I don't have to navigate those waters though
carverthekid ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 23:30:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it to someone who can actually play the part though. Everyone's so fucking scared of being racist it's crazy now.
KypDurron ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:58:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Othello isn't a character in Julius Caesar. He's in Othello.
Also, Julius Caesar is not in Othello.
imforit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:19:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow I totally missed that word. I'll blame the bumpy train.
edit: and to the 72 other folk who upvoted me, learn to read, ya cretins!
Cereborn ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:13:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have so many questions.
What kind of adaptation was this with a "stereotypically black" character?
Why were they going around just asking random students to take roles, instead of having auditions? Did you go to such a tiny school that everyone had to be in the play?
TatteredUser1138 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:19:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was modernized adaptation, and the character was written by a bunch of white kids in a mostly white school. Lots of slang and stereotypical vernacular. And it was just our English class doing it, everyone had a role. We did the play after reading it, but while reading it we did small skits based on the 5 acts. I did a monologue in one of those, and they thought Iโd be good at it again. I wasnโt.
blandrice123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:51:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Othello-no
chiron42 ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 18:33:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way do I believe this. You're too uncomfortable to say no, but you're not uncomfortable enough to play out a entire character in front of multiple people, as opposed to the one or two who asked you if you wanted the role.
TatteredUser1138 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 18:36:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in no way comfortable with it. Forgot lines, left out an entire section of a monologue, and overall bombed. That whole play was a mess
penguinofdoom16 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:19:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like a nightmare I had last night.
chiron42 ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 18:37:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That certainly sounds better then saying no. You could've burped and shouted no by accident and it'd still be less embarrasing.
Pizzacrusher ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 19:49:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
walked out of Subway, forgetting my sandwich on the counter since my mind was busy.
was too embarrassed/awkward to go back and get it.
heysarahsarah ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:46:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same thing at Jimmy John's, but I went back and got my sandwich. No one really seemed to notice or care.
_Dia_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:09:03 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd never gone into a subway before and my very impatient dad took me. I had all these options. I had no idea what I wanted. I was so overwhelmed. I went on autopilot and it turned into "Let them decide for me." And let me tell you something, I've gone into subways since then with patient people and I've never been able to order something as good as the first time.
Mr3Stacks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are hilarious!!! I laughed way too hard at this. I can just imagine your delicious freshly made sandwich sitting on the counter๐๐๐
-What_it_isnt- ยท 104 points ยท Posted at 23:15:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I'm in a company training seminar on some new system. It's been a few days, with a few days left to go, and everyone is a bit fatigued. At some point, the instructor demonstrated a function of the software we were learning, and then asked me, specifically, whether I knew the answer to a question someone else asked about it. I had some idea of the answer, but was suddenly unable to articulate it. Instead, and to this day I have no idea why, I answered:
"Rie ron't row, Raggy" like Scooby Doo answering a question from Shaggy. A grown ass man answering like a talking cartoon dog.
Oh god, the cringe.
Kbit2 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 23:37:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I keep coming back to this and laughing. Have you ever spontaneously Scooby Doo'd before?
-What_it_isnt- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:02:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad you laughed! I've maybe done it once or twice screwing around with buddies, but not enough to, you know, become a habit or anything. God, what an awful memory, and now I've shared it with all of the fine folks of Reddit.
Mr3Stacks ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:36:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I choked on my food reading this. Im literally in tears! This is the funniest most awkward thing ive ever read. Continue being awesome.
mewme-mow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:29:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the greatest thing ever. How did the instructor react?
-What_it_isnt- ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:26:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep in mind I was seated at the front of the room, and to respond to the instructor I had to turn around, and thus the entire room witnessed my idiocy. My instructor's face was kind of brief 'storm of emotion' - but what she settled on was a kind of horrified embarrassment, the look I imagine one must get if their pet just took a dump on a guest's bedspread. She was literally stunned for a minute, getting redder and redder, until she just moved on with the lesson. I could see the same horrified embarrassment on the ENTIRE class.
DilatedTeachers ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:51:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chris??
-What_it_isnt- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:27:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No - but now I gotta hear your story.
DilatedTeachers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:41:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah no, not a story. Just a sweet friend who I remember saying "ri rove roo" in a scooby voice quite alot :) he's goofy but great
tkzant ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 20:12:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dropped a fork on the ground in the student center at my college so I went to the bathroom to wash it off. There was someone at the sink when I got in and for some reason I was afraid of someone seeing me washing off a fork so I hid in the stall until they left and then washed my fork.
Scythe95 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 22:55:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm waiting for that story about the guy who pretended he didn't knew what a potato was
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:25:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/
Scythe95 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:42:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glorious.
๐๏ธ ilalmtae ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:04:22 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it! Beyond buried now though haha
PeterMus ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 22:59:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I've learned from this thread: I'm not alone.
emlilly316 ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 20:31:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to frequent a Starbucks that was right next door to an AT&T wireless store on the strip in the shopping center. Playing on my phone and not paying attention, I accidentally walk into the AT&T store. Immediately realizing what I've done, I make eye contact with the guy behind the desk in the completely empty store, who I'm sure noticed my look of confusion. Rather than just walking out, I confidently walk closer to him and ask "Hey quick question - When does the new iPhone come out?" Baffled by my stupid question, he replies "I don't know, probably at least another 6-8 months?" I accept his answer with fake disappointment, thank him, and leave. I'm an Android user by the way....
bacon_and_eggs ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 18:33:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another one. After little league baseball practice, I got a snickers from a vending machine. My friends dad was picking us up. Got in the back seat of the car while eating the snickers still. As soon as we left, I accidentally dropped it and it rolled under the car seat. Neither of them saw it happen, and it was pretty dark. I was trying to pick it up but I couldn't find it, so I just left it rather than say anything. Cant imagine the kind of mess that made.
parcequenicole ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:12:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no. Nothingโs coming between me and my snickers.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:46:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As parent with a small child, no worries. I clean out the back of my car and I find messes so far gone they're practically an Iron Age civilization at this point.
I_AM_THE_REAL_GOD ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 18:52:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the rehearsal for an event. There was dancing involved, I didn't want to dance but I had to be there. When I got there I just sat down, waiting for rehearsal to start. I continued to sit. Maybe I'll start when someone tells me to join. Nobody tells me to join. So I have spent maybe 10 minutes just sitting there, watching the others practice the dance moves. It's too awkward to join now. I have committed to sitting. I can't just join in like I wasn't sitting there for 10 minutes. And so I did, sit there, watching for the entire rehearsal. An entire hour. What the fuck was I doing?
janetnotjackson ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahahaha oh man. what kind of event were you/they rehearsing for?
I_AM_THE_REAL_GOD ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:15:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was for a performance in a big public event. But just a short performance and the spectators were far away so it didn't matter that much.
TheLetterSeven ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 22:40:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone said "have a nice day" to me yesterday. I responded "you have one!"
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:26:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not even bad
carverthekid ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:47:05 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Don't tell me what to do"
geranium_kiss ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 19:40:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In kindergarten I was always too shy to ask to use the bathroom so I just shat myself during nap time instead.
qwerty-yourself ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:21:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kids are definitely #1 at reacting to a normal situation in a completely absurd manner. I remember once taking a decorative sucker from the main office when I was five, thinking it was free candy. When they asked me to give it back I panicked and made up some story about how I had one exactly like it from Easter still in my backpack (it was February at the time). Six adults ended up interrogating me, knowing full well I was lying, and eventually called my parents. I stuck with the lie the whole time. I was too embarrassed to just say I thought I could have one. In my defense though, who puts candy in an elementary school office and then gets mad at a kid for taking some?
geranium_kiss ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:53:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha yeah, I have a similar story from when I was five and my teacher told me I could take some candy from the fridge. The fridge had been forbidden to us kids till that point so I was too terrified to open it by myself. But I really wanted that candy so I burst out crying and when asked what was wrong, I told the teacher my leg hurt, so they called my mother to leave work and send me home.
It's even more absurd that six adults would interrogate you like that over something so trivial though.
tvanluyk29 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like it was a regular thing? Lol
geranium_kiss ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:45:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it seemed they always had a spare change of pants ready for me.
tvanluyk29 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:51:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol that's great. Good times
ShotgunSellingSloth ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 19:35:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went into the local gym to see how much a membership would be, there was a $200 fee you paid up front then so much every month.
I thought to myself "holy hell that is expensive and I can't really afford that right now" Well thanks to my severe anxiety I agreed to pay when he said will that be cash or charge?
I canceled my debit card a couple days later and every time the gym called me I didn't answer..... I never even went once.
_Hempsey ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 19:56:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need to go back and take care of that... I did the same thing and if you signed a contract then you owe them money, even if you never went. I went through the exact same situation minus the awkwardness and plus I went twice. Sooner or later they'll just have an insurance company collect you debt and then you own the insurance company. If you don't pay this affects your Credit score and stuff. Seriously, don't wait. Take care of it.
CherrySlurpee ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 22:02:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a short order cook for a few weeks. It was set up so customers could see you cook behind the glass and stuff, and a lot of the guys got fancy by flipping spatulas and putting on a little show.
Well I tried flipping a burger once and it landed in a puddle of grease. Burnt my arms and i dropped thr spatula on the floor. I went to wash up, walked off thr job and never came back.
[deleted] ยท 386 points ยท Posted at 18:06:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
StrokingPiston ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 19:27:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Press F to pay respects.
gigastack ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 19:41:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F...uck.
decarlosplayer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:14:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
LeegOfDota ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
Mountaindrewsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
pukotoshana_murkals ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 21:38:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On your deadbed this will be the thing you will be thinking about.
KypDurron ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:01:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deadbed?
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:50:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deadbed.
pukotoshana_murkals ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:26:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have my dumb moments too. Especially when writing in my fourth language at 1 a. m. :(
JanJonDijonMustard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be honest I think saying "I am writing in my fourth language" is enough of an excuse to justify the mistake. I'm curious, what other languages do you know?
pukotoshana_murkals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lithuanian (native), Russian and Polish. To be fair, I probably should count the latter as half of the language cause I can understand and read, but would not be able to hold a fluent conversation and write :( Still hoping to fix that and also learn one of the scandinavian languages.
JanJonDijonMustard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's really cool. I've always been fascinated by language. I have a basic knowledge of three but only speak english fluently. I'm always impressed by people like you. I had a professor in highschool who spoke 8 different languages.
linwail ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:00:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smooth
ti_ni-po_ni ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:09:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my condolences, holy moly
-theuser- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:40:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rest in peace.
Triedant-truth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:18:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similar thing happened to me. 2 freshman girls were in my room and said they wanted to stay over. They both try to squeeze into bed with me. Only it was in college and my bed was a twin XL... so we really couldn't all fit. I ended up sleeping on the couch that night.
The next day I bought a California King mattress and found a second Twin XL bed frame to push together with the other one. You could sleep 5 people on that thing if you wanted.
1deafvet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But never had the opportunity again? (threesome or foursome)...
Ulti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F
baitshopboy ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 21:28:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a community college and at the start of the second semester I was 5 minutes late to class so rather be the guy that's late I decided to quit school all together.
krouell ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:48:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My life in a nutshell
sunshine98765 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:10:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That escalated quickly
madmaxine ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 20:04:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my son was 4, he was playing on the playground by himself. When he saw an older kid walk by in the distance he got really excited and called out to this kid, "I love you!"
If he's anything like me, there are many more moments like this in his future.
cirelakotna ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:49:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's so sweet :')
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:28:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
W H O L E S O M E
looklistencreate ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 18:45:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TSA told me I couldn't bring my water bottle on the plane. I threw it out. She said I could have just dumped it. I didn't want to ask whether it was OK to dump liquids in the trash.
poorexcuses ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She probably meant you could have dumped it and filled it at a water fountain inside. But yeah that's a lot of pressure. I ended up checking an extra bag because I wanted to keep my accidental weapon I brought.
Xulik ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:12:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hold my breath as long as I can while taking a leak or washing hands. The thought of inhaling someone's butt smells deep into my lungs is very unsettling.
badashly ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:39:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From what I remember but am too lazy to Google, we smell things because super tiny particles of the item are actually making their way into your nose....so it's really small pieces of someone else's shit you're inhaling, which, as a germaphobe, is seriously not ok with me lol.
SpartanJack17 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:59:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it helps it's not literally bits of shit, it's just mixtures of common gasses that shit emits. There's no way for germs or anything to be carried by gas molecules.
clutchheimer ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 19:35:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little my mom used to drop me off at my aunt and uncles house because they would watch me while she would work. It was very early in the morning, so I would go sleep on their porch because I was afraid to wake them up. Every day they would open the door a few minutes after I had been there and ask why I didn't knock, then explain that they are awake at that hour. And yet...I didn't want to wake them, so I slept on their porch.
AlyshaUchiha ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 22:00:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This post has what seems like the nicest people in the world in it, why have I never met people like you guys lol
bryondouglas ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 01:23:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because we waited another 30 minutes for the next bus to avoid you
ChaoticMay ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 23:06:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, one of my mom's friends offered me a banana. I got really hungry immediately after saying no. I was too shy and awkward to tell her I changed my mind, so I just stared at the bananas until she asked me if I wanted one again. I was about 8. It's been 15 years and I'm still embarrassed.
irememberthepotatoho ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 00:12:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one would dance with me at Prom. What do I do? I dance anyway, awkwardly with my two friends who were slow dancing. Imagine 3 people slow dancing in a triangle, only the 3rd person has their arms placed awkwardly around the other two.
I still cringe thinking about that night.
carverthekid ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:44:28 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That just hurts
sbreebee ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 00:13:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In grade 6 I had put Elmers white glue on my palm to let it dry so I could peel it off, but I put it on too thick and it wasn't drying. What I should have done is gone to the washroom and wiped and washed my hands What I did instead was eat it. I turned my back so no one could see me and I totally licked it off of my hand.
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:32:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not toxic so you got that going for you
[deleted] ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 15:45:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, walked home instead of taking the bus.
cdsbigsby ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 16:05:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really depends on how long of a walk
[deleted] ยท 70 points ยท Posted at 16:06:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Four miles, including hills and some rough terrain.
AntTheMighty ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 16:28:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uphill both ways?
[deleted] ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 16:30:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, yes, and I have used it on my children.
pukotoshana_murkals ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:37:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like fun. I am serious (and I love walking).
cdsbigsby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok yeah that fits this thread then, damn. Like once or every day?
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 16:13:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every day for about 1.5 years, both ways, in all weather. The positive side was that I learned that I enjoyed the peaceful solitude of walking in snow at night, with appropriate clothing. Then I made some friends and they started walking with me sometimes. It was fun.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:06:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once hung off the back of my friends truck for a ride home because it was preferable to having to sit next to a girl when I was 15
junkevin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 18:02:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I did the same thing but for about 2 miles. My bus was absolutely terrible. Had some of the most vile, trashy white kids I've ever met to this day.
alittletoohazy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:41:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do that in high school! It was different though because I got out of school early (at 12) and the buses didn't run until 3, I could walk home in about 2-2 and a half hours (6 mile walk) so I figured it was better than taking the bus even though I was about dead once I got to the entrance to my neighborhood.
Fakename11235 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why'd you get out of school so early?
alittletoohazy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to an alternative school where we could work at our own pace and we did all our work on our computers, I worked ahead and had finished all but 2 classes so I just had to be there until 12 unless I wanted to wait at the school until the bus ran.
smol--cat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:39:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We werenโt allowed to do that in middle school. Theyโd suspend you if you got caught cause I guess they didnโt wanna be held reliable if you got hit by a car.
StrokingPiston ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did that a few weeks ago. Only one seat left on the bus that was beside another person, so I walked 5~6 miles home.
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 20:40:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back after I graduated high school my parent were pressuring me to get a job, but I was so terrified of talking to people that I just drove to a quiet part of town and stayed in my car, 8 hours a day for three months.
I would make up almost success stories. And mostly blame the economy. Sad.
18thcenturyPolecat ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:54:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude that is way beyond sad. That is disturbing and nearly pathological. Are you ok now?
Antic_Disposition ยท 63 points ยท Posted at 20:33:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend hopped on a bus once and asked if it went to a certain station. The bus driver gave her a weird look and said it was just around the corner but to hop on anyway. My friend was so embarrassed, when she got off at her stop she pretended to have a bum leg and limped the 100m to the station in case the bus driver could see her.
insanetwit ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 21:24:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to call a new friend of mine, but I forgot what street he lived on. (I was looking up his number in the phone book)
So, I walked to his house, got the address, and WALKED BACK HOME to call him.
iTheftAuto ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:31:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. This is the best one iโve read.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:45:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
insanetwit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:01:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I didn't stand right in front of his house...
qu1et1 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 21:56:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hire people to make phone calls for me
sunshine98765 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:41:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh??
rootbeer4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:08:56 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty genius actually.
InkyGrrrl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FancyHands? (the company)
qu1et1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:41:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope. Please.Do
LaskaBear ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 21:57:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was fixing my bra, when my boss's boss turned a corner and was right in front of me. Do I just put my hand down like a normal person? Of course not. I start pretend scratching the shit out my boob and neck like a crackhead because somehow that's let's embarssing then just adjusting? I still avoid him.
Zingshidu ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 21:59:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At college orientation I went to the bathroom and ended up getting a few drops of pee on my pants when I was shaking. Mortified that I would start school off known as the kid who pissed himself I went to the sink and splashed a shit load of water on my pants and shoes so people would think I just spilled water on myself.
hrtlssromantic ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:25:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did this recently at a work meeting. Oh man. They totally knew...
Spaghetti_Bender8873 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:06:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Story of my life
GrunoMars ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 22:46:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I called the bank on my girlfriend's behalf to clear a few things up that she didn't understand. I misspoke and said that I had a few questions about my account. Like a normal person, I could have told the rep I don't have an account through them and I'm calling for my girlfriend. Instead, I proceeded to give my name and social security number. The rep starts saying something appears wrong and keeps asking me to repeat my info which I do. Fearing if I hang up, then they'll use my info to find me. So I finally decide to tell the rep I'll just visit a branch to clear this matter up and they're saying no we can handle this over the phone. I respond I really have to go to an important meeting. The rep wishes me the best and a good day; I hang up. My girlfriend is just staring at me accross the couch in disbelief.
Torghira ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 23:08:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being first gen Asian, Iโm bilingual in Vietnamese and English. Well passable in Vietnamese. Anyways I sometimes speak Vietnamese and pretend I donโt speak English so I donโt have to deal with shit like creepy people
Kayakyaker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:48:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's my most awkward moment of the day...I have no idea what you mean by first gen Asian. Like your parents are both Scottish and somehow they had an Asian kid?
Torghira ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:08:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. My parents were born in Vietnam. Moved here after the war in 1975. They met in college had me in America. First generation of my family to be born in America
envirolution ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 23:13:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I was home alone on the family computer and wearing a mud mask. I heard someone come into the house but the footsteps didn't sound like any of my family members' and I didn't want any robbers to see me in my mud mask. So naturally I hid under the small desk. The footsteps continued to get closer until they were right above me...and then the person sat down. It was my older brother's best friend who came over to use our computer. He peered under the table after his knees hit me. I got up, said, "uhh hey" and then walked away without explaining myself whatsoever. He is still a close family friend and neither of us has ever brought it up.
FancyArtichoke ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 00:29:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I regularly leave the house through my bedroom window so I won't have to interact with my roommates on the way out.
CemeteryCat17 ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 19:50:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
~sigh~ mines pretty gross........ when my anxiety kicks up..it KICKS UP.
When I was 16, I had started dating my then boyfriend, first boyfriend ever. Exciting right? - he brings me over to his friend's house for a cookout/hangout. Ok cool! I got a chance to meet all of his other friends and the day was going great.
I then had to use the bathroom. I excuse myself and unfortunately had a take a dump. Did my business, go to flush and nothing. Toilet is not flushing. I panic. I tried everything with the very little plumber knowledge I had to fix it. Not wanting to embarrass myself and have either my boyfriend or his friends come in and take a look and see what the problem is.. I found an empty to go cup in the trashcan..scoop up my... waste... and throw that cup away outside in the street trashcan...all because I didn't want them to think I broke/clogged the toilet.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 21:56:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Max_Trollbot_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:43:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rule #1: ALWAYS check for adequate toilet paper.
Rule 2: TEST FLUSH. Every single time.
twistsouth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:49:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rule #0: Shit before you leave your house.
Brad543 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:01:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait how did you get outside with your poo cup? Climb out the window?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:15:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a surprising amount of females digging poop out of toilets with cups in this thread.
suicideprince97 ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 18:28:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i Turn the sink water on when i take a shit because I'm self conscious about farting to loud and my poop hitting the water and somebody hearing me. But when im alone stall or home i let er rip for sure
Pizzacrusher ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:12:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's just polite man. or flush during the noisy parts.
suicideprince97 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:14:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody here understands. i usually either hold the handle when i do as long as possible for maximum noise reduction.
lizerpetty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:14:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a book you should read, it's called "Everybody Poops". Real page turner.
suicideprince97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but i have bad anxiety so i think that if they hear it they'll talk shit, tho i know they won't. so i do it. i also pee on the rim instead of water, that's just cause i don't like loud noise.
lizerpetty ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:21:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, here's how talking shit about shit would go; "Dude, Suicideprince97 just took a shit, and it went in the toilet, and I herd it"
"Dude why are you listening to Suicideprince97 taking a shit?" "That's fucking weird man."
andretosatti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
besides you can use it to wipe your ass when there's no toilet paper in your friend's bathroom
CongratsGuy ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 22:50:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family went to a mountain cafe when I was 8. The waitress asked how I wanted my eggs and I said medium rare. MEDIUM RARE. I literally can't order eggs around my cousins anymore because all I get is Hey Congrats how do you want your eggs ?medium rare? Well done? Hey help us marinate the eggs we're grilling some tbone eggs tomorrow. Smh
Depressed_moose ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:35:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a breakfast place and when asked how he'd like his eggs cooked this customer said "dippy" wile gesturing like he was dipping something. Everyone thought this was normal except me.
ThisIsTheRealFopa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:09:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i just laughed out so fucking loud in class fuck you
Amyleia ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 20:16:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude my boyfriend's roommates were out in the living room but I didn't want to have to say hi when I left so I crawled out his window to leave. Several times.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:21:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's kinda cute tbh.
8to5pleb ยท 133 points ยท Posted at 18:53:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be me, at the gf's house after coming home from dinner eating Korean BBQ. Idk why but 6/10 times the kbbq will blow my bootyhole to kingdom come. And this was one of those moments.
When I feel that slight rumble in my stomach followed by the sound signalling my doom, I literally have moments to get to the bathroom before all hell breaks loose from my asshole.
So I feel this rumble and the next thing I can think of is to run to the bathroom but as I recall, the bathroom ventilation fan in there is the quiet one that makes almost no noise. So if I was to let loose in there, the whole house would hear my anus blowing apart.
To make matters worse, her parents were also at the house, and my relationship with the gf at that time was still quite young. Not to the point where we could fart in front of each other, or let alone talk about our booty business on the throne.
This caused me to panic even worse and I ended up coming up with the worst excuse to step out of the house for a bit by telling her I needed to drop off something at a friend's house.
So by the time I tell her this my face is sweating bullets as I turn pale from keeping my cheeks clenched tightly. I run outside the house not even bothering to listen to what she said as I got into the car and drove off to the nearest fast food restaurant for their bathroom.
Luckily there was a McDs across the street and I ran inside hoping for the bathroom to be open. By this time my ass is sweating so hard I don't even know if it's my shit leaking out or just the sheer amount of sweat accumulating between my cheeks. And as I walk inside I see the fucking sign saying "out of order". GG. My asshole was doomed.
As I gave up all hope I walked outside to see a park with some dimly lit area that was full of bushes. This was it. I had to do it. My cheeks were so soaked and my stomach was in so much pain I didn't care anymore.
I waddled behind the bush and I just let that shit flow like there's no tomorrow. Dear god I'm glad this didn't happen at the house because it smelled like something was dead inside my asshole for years.
And obviously I didn't have anything to wipe my ass with so I pulled my pants up in shame and walked back to my car. At this point there's no way I'm going back to the gf's house with my asshole covered in the blast of shit I just let out so I ended up driving home. (I lived about 2 hours away at that time).
I gotta say that was one of the most dumbest things I've done when I could've just told the family about the bathroom situation before I went in.
TL;DR: had the squirts after eating kbbq with gf, too shy to go to bathroom in her house so ended up shitting in a bush at a park
Honeeblood ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:14:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what did you tell her after you disappeared? How long did you guys last?
8to5pleb ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:18:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told her something urgent came up so I had to go home. Needless to say she wasn't pleased and she got very upset.
I think I ended up confessing a few months later. She thought I was retarded for shitting in public.
I think the whole relationship lasted like a year lol
Edit: spelling
gryphonleather ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:15:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has me laughing so hard that I'm literally crying and my coworkers are concerned
RoundishSquares ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:05:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could handle the other posts - THIS though? Lawd, this has me fucking dying of laughter.
I honestly became more and more anxious the entire way and was saying "noooo", "oh he didn't" out loud through tears.
I'm done, this is fucking gold.
-sflx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:08:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha if you ever run out of toilet paper, use your sock instead
Arshia42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're a wonderful story teller. This was one of my favourites.
CAPSLOCKGG ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 18:25:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked to the hospital with a broken arm because I wanted people to quit asking if I was okay.
Purplenintendo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG the pain! Dude! Are you OK now??
CAPSLOCKGG ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, my arm is still broken but aside from that I'm alright. It was only about a 15 minute walk so it would've taken just as long to wait for somebody. Overall, 2/10 experience because they didn't give me a sticker even though I asked. Would catch myself after falling off my bike so I don't break my face again.
MondaysChild85 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 20:38:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent 2k on sofas I really didnโt like that much because I felt too awkward to say no. The sales woman wasnโt aggressively pushy.... but just pushy enough.
For the last 4 months Iโve been trying to sell them on... seemingly Iโm not a pushy enough seller myself.
Oilosity12356 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:40:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf you're the reason they act like that lol
MondaysChild85 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:42:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I literally canโt even argue with that.... if it makes you feel any better my bf has now banned me from going to any furniture store, so thatโs one less socially awkward sofa buyer off the street
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 22:00:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First date with my high school crush. I fell because my heel got caught up in a crack on the side walk and I pretended I had fainted. True story.
wosaka ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 22:24:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I went to a grocery store to buy frozen turkey breasts but I could not find them. I have spent hour and a half looking for them instead of asking the salesman where the breasts are like a normal person would.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:27:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHERE ARE THE BREASTS?!?!
EU_Ase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy knows his frozen turkey breasts
bota_lover ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:15:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow........sounds like me. I do stupid stuff like this all the time and not even be high. Im an idiot sometimes. Lol
TheMasterSailor ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 22:35:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting on a bus in Germany and I didn't realize that there was an "enter" and "exit" side of the door with a barrier in between. I accidentally entered on the "exit" side, which had a one way gate at the end of it. I was trapped with the bus driver staring at me, not looking impressed. Instead of getting off the bus, getting back on through the "enter" side, and trying to use my terrible German skills to explain the situation, I squeezed through the gate. All the while, the bus driver stared at me, not blinking once.
This is why we don't use public transportation in America.
Toothshot123 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 23:29:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So my front tooth broke off earlier.this year. I don't have the money to.fix.it.so I ordered these plastic- ish beads off eBay that you can dunk in hot water and make a "tooth" that will fill the gap reasonably well. So I don't look completely like the white trash that I am.
Anyways I usually take it.out while I.eat cause it wants to fall.out and yeah I have swallowed a couple of them. I usually place it in my pocket for safe keeping but I left it on my food tray and it fell into the bottom of a full trash can at a chicken joint. It feels just like after you KNOW that you locked your keys in the car. Doom!
So now instead of going to work without a front tooth, I pull the whole can liner out( one of those huge bags prolly 30 gallon ones)and take it with me. The look on people's face was classic. I spent 20 min in a parking lot digging through chicken bones to find this tooth before work. Shame is a weird thing.
captcodder ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:55:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you say, 'white trash that I am'..Are you saying that in a sad way? Because it makes me sad for you to say that.
Toothshot123 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:59:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate the concern but it wasn't really meant in a sad way. Do I wish things were different on that front? Sure. We're just poor people since as far back as anyone can remember. "White Trash" may be a little harsh for what I am, but we just had to pawn some truck tires to bury my aunt last month so...But real talk...Thanks.
captcodder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:38 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so sorry about your aunt. You are a good and resourceful relative. I am a senior strategist for a major financial institution. Not poor; a modestly successful woman. You pawning those tires beats the shit out of what I do every day. You are my hero.
Toothshot123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:51:27 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate the sentiment if this isn't a troll. ๐ One can never be too sure these days. Reddit has a way of breaking your heart sometimes.
I call us the people of the rented houses because we just kinda live till we die never accumulating enough to put down roots. I guess we're like moss in that way. We've called Texas home since the 1800's but we seek no land nor title. Recent medical/funeral costs have drained us completely for this generation. My aunt that I spoke of missed a payment on her life insurance so that fucked us. we woulda paid it if we only knew. No record of criminal activity except my great grandmother's sister blew her husband's back out through a rocking chair and did some time. God knows what happened there.
captcodder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:27 on October 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am not sure what trolls are, except I think I may have a vague reference to people who pretend to be someone they are not. Well, most of us do that everyday; but not me on here. Can't say that for my real life. I always think one day it will be discovered I am a phoney...a fake...and they are revering a false idol.
Can I ask something, without sounding like an asshat? You are well~ written and articulate. Are you perpetuating a self fulfilling prophecy of the renters by not breaking the cycle? I hope that doesn't sound preachy; not my intention at all. And definitely don't want to sound like a hallmark poster, but you can be anything you want to be. Or is that easier said than done? But, with that said, I suspect I like you just the way you are.
Toothshot123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:25 on October 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well first let me say you didn't sound preachy at all and I appreciate your candor honesty. It's good to hear from ya again I hope you're doing well. I think we all need to be someone else sometimes out of sheer necessity. Don't feel bad for that. In fact I struggle not to feel like an imposter most days. However, "trolls" tend to take this to a new level where they seek to cause pain and embarrassment for the sole purpose of self-aggrandisement.
On the self fulfilling prophecy front, I think you hit the nail on the head. When you find yourself in a hole sometimes it's hard to find a reason not to keep digging because that is what you know. And you are already holding the shovel. Calamity and misfortune become a new familiar normal. Dad went out for smokes real quick when I was 10 but he smoked a rare brand apparently cause he's still lookin'. Mama did what she could but things went from mayhem to all out bedlam. But that's no excuse and I know it. As you can see I have a flare for the dramatic on occasion.
I'm the only one in the family that is college educated(only a few made it to high school) and I just knew I could pull us out. But "destiny" would find the plans to the deathstar. '.
Let's just say the accent they left me with evokes some rather undesirable results.๐จ Welp it's getting close to the first haha. ๐ Peace.
Toothshot123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:44:23 on October 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey just wanted to tell you that it was nice talking with you before I forget the password to this acct. Your words did help and your time wasn't wasted. I don't get to talk it out with many people these days. Thank you stranger. -Townes
captcodder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:00 on November 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have thought a lot about our brief conversations. I thought about this "trolling", and was fearful I was on the receiving end. Honestly, I am an enjenou in this world. I only landed here because someone told me this site was am interesting read. I always want to talk to you though.
EpicKid2212 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 00:19:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what to call my girlfriend's parents because "Mr" and "Mrs" is too formal especially after being with her for 5 years, but calling them by their names also feels weird so I've avoided calling them anything for 5 whole fucking years.
OlafForkbeard ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:54:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yoooo.... How ya doin?
Yea, Yea, well your husband told me that...
SuaveUchiha ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:31:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello mother of my betrothed!
sailorsedna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:37:45 on October 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a late reply but my husband doesnโt call my parents anything.. when he wants to get their attention or speak to them he just says โheyโ
SB472 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:00:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live about a mile from where I work. I walk to and from work about 95% of the time, unless I'm running late. Well one day last summer I ran into this problem so I drove downtown and found a parking garage a block from my building. Later that day I made the mistake of bringing up the fact that I "walk to work daily" to an older co-worker who insisted in a grandmotherly way that she drive me home since it was nearly 100ยฐ out. She was really insistent and I eventually just said okay, not wanting to look like I lied about my usual walking. So she drops me off, I walk all the way back to the parking garage, and I drive home again.
idiomaddict ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 01:37:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't hit it off with my new coworkers and didn't know what to do at lunch my first day, so I told everyone I didn't eat lunch as a rule.
It's been years since I had lunch during the week.
[deleted] ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 17:04:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
12thr33 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 20:06:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's scary how much sense this makes. Who the fuck says "good afternoon"? You made the right decision.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:39:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good afternoon sounds too antiquated, and good evening sounds too vampiric.
itsableeder ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:46:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's interesting. I'm in the UK and I hear "good afternoon" and "good evening" quite regularly. I've never thought anything of it.
SuccinctSavage ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:52:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a native Californian. I say all 3. "Gooood morning/afternoon!" In a cheesy milkman kind of way, or "Evenin' " in a U.S. southern politeness kind of way and a cheeky smile. I think "Good afternoon" could easily sound like you're about to issue someone a subpoena, and "Good evening" could easily make it sound like you're going to suck someone's blood. Too many years in sales with too many fake-ass greetings has given me a lot of practice, but I think with some tact it's not too bad. You U.K. people have it easy because people expect politeness from you.
badashly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:01:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In canada the "good" gets dropped a lot and it's just "afternoon!"
Then it's "have a good night" instead of good evening :)
rebelrob73 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:42:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing in the US, we just say morning
aquamarinerock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:16:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're extremely interchangeable in the us, i wouldn't say we just say morning
Dirkdiggla1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:31:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only say morning and only say night.. Might be a north east thing. We shorten everythin
aquamarinerock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm from MA and lived here my whole life and can say while that's true, I've heard a ton of good mornings and good afternoons lol
SuaveUchiha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao @ "vampiric"
rootbeer4 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:11:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I force myself to say good morning and good afternoon at work when I am in the hallways. I try to hide out in my office from 11:30 am to 12:30 pm because it is too stressful to be aware of the greeting time change. I also only have those 2 greetings wired in my brain so it gets really weird when I work late and I'm wishing everyone a good afternoon at 6 pm.
paratroop82504 ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 20:15:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a cop and someone would ask me for directions tosome place I've never heard of, I would just make up directions like "go down three blocks, and make a left travel down that road for 6 or so miles and it will be on your left" and then drive away as soon as they left instead of tell them I had no idea what they were talking about.
dwellronthethreshold ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:26:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does this have anything to do with why you were a cop (I'm assuming you aren't anymore based on your use of the past tense)?
paratroop82504 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:36:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah past tense.
KennyFulgencio ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:19:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do exactly the same thing. When I've described it to people, they would laugh and think it was ridiculous and nobody ever said they did it too. I'm so gratified to know that even a cop has had this character trait and handled it the same way.
winch25 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:42:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm with my wife and somebody asks me for directions to a place I don't know, I just make it up so I don't look like I don't know.
blandpizza ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 18:58:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโd walk around a whole block instead of going a way that literally takes 30 seconds because I didnโt want to pass by this person and say hi to them. I did this on a daily basis.
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:04:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody else here done the old 'pretend-to-be-on-mobile'?
Tsurikomigoshi ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 22:11:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Swipes home screen left and right aimlessly
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:12:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pretend to be on the phone every single time I walk out of my house and pass by people, not even in an "I'm doing this because I'm afraid of strangers" way, but just because it became a habit.
I also fake a british accent while pretending to be on the phone.
dudebuttspanker ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 23:09:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is far from the dumbest thing, but it's the first thing that came to mind.
I was getting a drink at a bar and I crumpled up a paper napkin. The bartender extended his hand and I shook it politely. He then indicated that he was trying to take the napkin from me.
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 22:07:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was a friend of mine, and I feel like I should add that he is now a well-adjusted, social member of society.
He was waiting at the bus stop to head home after school, when two girls (whom we are now friends with and love to tell this story) walk up to him and start a causal conversation.
Being the shy Sophomore he was, my buddy immediately began looking for an out. He found it when they offered him some peanut M&Ms. He took a handful, ate one, looked down at his hand in horror and yelled, "Are these peanut M&Ms?! I'M ALLERGIC!" And ran off the bus to wait for the next one.
fucknugget42 ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 17:40:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm traveling by bus and I press the stop button accidentally and no one walks out, I just walk out and accept my fate. Happens especially while on vacation.
TheOccultSasquatch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:46:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this in reverse kinda. Me and my mum are on the way home from town. We're approaching our stop and she tells me to press the stop button, me being me, im too embarrassed to press the button on a bus full of people. It stops anyway for people to get on but as we walk off she loudly lets me know what a stupid idiot i am...among other things.
that_can_eh_dian_guy ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:50:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if this qualifies as dumb or just more socially awkward, but when I was younger, around 4-5, I went to an all inclusive resort in mexico with my parents. As most of them do, this resort had a kids camp sort of thing that my parents dropped me off for a few hours so they could enjoy the resort also (I'll pretend I don't know what they were using that time for).
This wasn't a large resort and so it turned out that I was the only child there at the time and so it was basically just me and this (so I'm told) knockout of an Argentinian woman. Over the course of my time there we spent quite a few hours together. So when we were leaving she found my parents and I and gave me a small gift as a kind gesture to remember her, and all she asked in return was a kiss on the cheek.
Now me being a 4-5 year old with the social awkwardness of one, thought kissing a girl on the cheek was just moving way too fast in the relationship. So instead I had the stellar idea to lick her cheek like a dog. Of course this was right in the main lobby so all of the guests checking in and out saw.
Unfortunately I've since lost her gift and can't remember her apparent incredible hotness, yet the memory of my sheer awkwardness lives on.
nun_atoll ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:28:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's perfectly reasonable kid logic.
LoveIsRage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:07:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Licking is the new kissing ๐
kmlaser84 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 23:27:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in college reading in a community center when a friendly girl walked up and told me how she loved that book, but "oh, I'm sure you could care less!"
Without even looking up I corrected her saying "couldn't care less" in a dull monotone... she just shrunk saying "oh..." and proceeded to sit down next to me.
We sat there in silence for like 30 minutes...
Ronmfer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:14:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not awkward at all. That is proper English. She should feel awkward about that exchange.
ZenaMarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:02 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also she interrupted someone while they were reading. Super awkward.
CosmoPeter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:10 on December 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like you a socially awkward but also a douche
apostrophie ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 00:14:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat on a knife at work* and instead of fessing up, I jammed a bunch of napkins down my pants, and sat down until it was time to go home (like 4 hours). The cut was so big and deep that I required 3 stitches and a tetanus shot. I'm a fucking idiot.
I brought the knife to cut up a tomato for my salad, put the knife in my bag and sat on my bag.
SuaveUchiha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:07:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cringiest one so far... wtf dude(tte)
apostrophie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:05:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a lady. It was terrible. Again, I'm an idiot.
knockuponcosmicgates ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 19:57:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12, I was on a church trip to go tubing down a local river. My father had a van, so he volunteered to be one of the drivers for the trip. I was sitting in the front passenger seat alone in the van waiting for everyone else to come outside to load up to take the trip, and so naturally I began playing with the cigarette lighter built into the dash. I began to wonder what would happen if after pushing it, I forced it to not pop out after 15 seconds like it normally does when the coil was hot enough. I held it in for at least two minutes, then pulled it out. When I inspected the coil, it wasn't glowing red. I thought that maybe I had broken it and it had failed to heat up, so I tested this by touching it with the tip of my finger. Big mistake. As it turns out, it was white hot. It hurt worse than anything I've ever experienced. But instead of telling anyone that I was injured, I just went through the entire trip trying my hardest to act normal, all the while being in intense pain.
little_fire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:32:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this exact same thing in my friend's dad's car as a kid!
LifeisRolledEyeEmoji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:31:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done it! Like 8th grade, Dad left me in car while ran into bank. Curious me, push in the car lighter--and see it's not bright red when it pops out. Assuming it's broken I feel need to stick my finger in it to be sure. Not broken. Not at all.
BorisJenkins ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 16:52:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smiled and said good morning to the Walmart greeter at 8pm.
That's probably the least awkward thing really- I blocked the rest out.
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 20:34:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A movie theater employee said good morning to me and my friend at 8 pm and she sounded serious and we just laughed it off
_101011111 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 21:57:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Theater Employee: Here's your receipt, enjoy the movie!
Me: You too!
jakiblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh god, i've actually done that.
pooky17 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:26:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was first dating my current husband, we went to a store to look for Christmas presents for kids in our families. It was the beginning of our relationship, so I was really nervous to be around him still and had those butterflies in my stomach that only wine gives me now. Anyway, we were in the toy section and there was a giant display of footballs.
He grabbed one and said 'quick, catch!' And a normal person would have reacted quickly and caught the football. Me? I ducked. And the football went flying past my head.
This was the first most awkward thing I've ever done in our relationship.
SquidRuby ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:55:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude I do this every time, or I fucking run away
spectre73 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:45:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go to get the mail. See the mailman is at the neighbor's box. Pretend I forgot something in the house so I don't stand there waiting or (shudder) take the mail from him or her.
LifeisRolledEyeEmoji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My next door neighbor and I leave our apartments at around the same time every morning. Sometimes right as I walk out and am locking my door, he walks out too. Rather than face the awkward small talk as we walk to the parking lot, I promptly unlock my door and go back in- pretending with feigned frustration I forgot something. Done this on a few occasions. Hoping he just buys the charade and thinks I'm really forgetful....
spectre73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I hear voices in the hall outside my apartment I'll often wait until it's "all clear" before leaving. When I had an apartment with an outside entrance I would look out the peephole before leaving.
FreckledViking ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:25:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve never laughed so hard from a thread before LMAO.
azhteak ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:40:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 9-10 years, we moved from this gigantic house to a small apartment in the same city. One day I was playing with a friend at their house, and when we were done, and I had to go home, they offered to drive me home, but i had just moved and my friend parents, didn't know. So they just dropped me off at my old house and I felt awkward so i just walked home, and my parents were really worried because i was suppose to be home much sooner.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 01:26:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In England during an interview they usually offer you tea with milk and with or without sugar. I take my tea with sugar.
So while interviewing I've been sipping on my tea and about the third time I reached for my tea it tasted weird. There was no sugar in it. I could not wrap my head around it. Then I realised I picked up my interviewer's tea. I casually put it back front of her like nothing happened....
ThorinTokingShield ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:28:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bought two stamps at the post office because I thought It'd be weird to just buy one
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:28:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saves you a trip the next time you only need one stamp ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
glich159 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:03:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said goodbye to my friends after a movie and one of them (who was a friend of a friend) coincidentally parked at the same parking garage as I did. Instead of talking to him, I called my dad and talked about how to cook steak til I got inside my car
fateofmorality ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:58:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 11 I really wanted to kiss this girl in my class. I watched a movie and there was a kissing scene. AHA! I'll just star in a movie.
But wait, it has to be this specific girl. I know, I'll write a script and get it picked up with me as the star.
I literally thought writing a Hollywood screenplay, selling it to a producer, and having them cast me and girl as the two parts who kiss was easier than just talking with her.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 00:46:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has perhaps been the best thread I have ever read on Reddit. Dying of laughter.
hylianelf ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:56:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. I am like out-loud laughing verging on tears. Like holy shit, I've done so many of these.
ziamal ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:59:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same, as a dumb awkward loser, I can relate.
jimmyjazz2000 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 01:18:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife's favorite pre-teen memory: she had a crush on her older sister's cool boyfriend, and would invent goofy "look at me" ways to enter the living room when he was there. He's over one day, and she decides she's going to take ballet leaps into the room. But it turns out she has lots of gas, and the force of each leap as she lands is squeezing out an audible fart. She's about two fart leaps in when she realizes what's happening. But by then she's in the room and has their FULL attention. So she just keeps leaping past them, through the living room and out the other door, farting with each leap. She was MORTIFIED. And still is.
Shox2711 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:31:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 15-16, my parents had friends over. At this time my bedroom was down stairs meaning the second I walk out of my bedroom, everyone would see me and I would be obligated to speak to them. I was bursting for a piss but the thought of having to converse with people was even worse. I climbed out the window, peed in the garden and jumped back in unnoticed.
Worth it.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:45:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
CptNavarre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:27:37 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God. How did you explain that?
Wafflehaunter ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 21:37:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went over to Germany for an exchange thing when I was 16 and got myself stuck in the family's basement while totally undressed. Basically I was staying in a room that was on the basement level that had a bathroom attached to it. I had to get up very early the next morning so I decided to take a shower at around 11pm that night to save time. I got undressed and was about to get in the shower when I noticed that the towel I had was very small. I could've just put up with a smaller towel but for some reason I felt I needed a bigger one. The proper basement/laundry room was on the same level so I decided "fuck it" I'll just run down quickly and get the bigger towel. So I went striding down without putting on any clothes (since I thought I'd be so quick) and went into the laundry without doing anything to keep the door from closing and locking behind me...So there I was, stuck in a cold and dark concrete room without any clothes on. After a few minutes of panicking and thinking how I was going to get out/ explain this I luckily I found a towel and was able to open the cellar doors that opened up to ground level outside the house. So now at least I'm covered by a towel but I'm outside and it's night and it's freezing cold. Ended up having to ring the doorbell and wait for my super cute exchange partner to open the door. She went from very confused to straight up laughing at me. I went as fast as I could past her and the rest of the family back down stairs to my room. They asked me about what happened the next morning and all I could do was mumble something about the "small towel and the door locking".
Crabbyappletonn ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:37:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really stoned and then smoked a cig in my friend's dad's workshop where everyone was hanging out. Too high to ask where an ashtray was so I put the cig out by crushing it in my hand and proceeding to just hold it. This was, of course, in the middle of conversation with someone.
OlafForkbeard ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:48:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dominance established. Will steer clear of Crabbyappletonn.
Ecjg2010 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 22:42:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paid cash for gas and drove off before pumping said gas. Twice. Same place. Never went back and pumped the gas. Either time. Sigh
merr_99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be me. Get gas at 8 PM on a Friday, 'cause I'm lame
Pump doesn't take my card, but doesn't decline it explicitly
Go inside, cashier is some ancient old man with a beard facing away from me
Ahem
No response
AHEM. EXCUSE ME.
Nada.
Wave arms in increasingly flagellating fashion HELLO?
Totally ignored.
Another guy comes in, this guy now magically pays attention.
Guy finishes his business, I now have his attention.
"The pump didn't take my card."
HUH?
THE PUMP DIDN'T TAKE MY CARD
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
At this point the guy is trolling me, I am at least as loud as the other guy.
THE. PUMP. DIDN'T. TAKE. MY. CARD.
You got the wrong zip code.
I'M. SURE. IT'S RIGHT. TRIED. 3. TIMES.
You got the wrong zip code.
Walk out, try another pump to no success. Leave and go to another gas station. Never show my face on a Friday night at that particular gas station.
Stanley_the_Manley ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 23:31:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was terrified of public speaking in college. I ended up dropping a course just to avoid having to present an essay in front of the entire class.
OlafForkbeard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:43:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally did this a few weeks ago.
SnapperMaster ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 00:51:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was using a restroom in a public place. There were 3 stalls and I chose the one with no toilet paper left. Of course I realized this after I dropped my dookies.
Convinced nobody would come in right then, I decided to make a run for it. Pants around my ankles, I waddled over to the next stall down. Right in the middle of this stall transition the bathroom door opens and my bare ass full of poop is the first thing this poor guy sees. I book it into the stall and proceed to sit and wait 10 minutes until I knew the coast was clear.
I still cringe about it to this day.
im-a-teeny-teapot ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:10:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got married.
Here's the story. I was 18 years old and had never dated a guy or kissed or well... Anything. I met a guy at this clubhouse in town and we played pool and flirted and later that night he called me and when we were talking he was like "do you wanna get married?"
I assumed he was joking so I went "haha yeah". The next day my friends were like "you're marrying xyz" and I was like... No? But word was spreading fast. We hadn't even been on a date! It was a super small town and I was just like welllllllllll what now?
Well. We went on a few dates and then I married him because I didn't know how to be like "nah dude". He was 32. Turns out he had schizophrenia. We actually stayed married almost 5 years and had a kid together. We only got divorced because he got really sick with his illness and became dangerous. He's better now and we are good friends but I'm married to someone else.
stillill_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:04:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, this story blew my mind.
im-a-teeny-teapot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:04:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it was a really weird thing I did. I still am horrible about saying no to anything and I get roped into so much just because saying no makes me so uncomfortable. My workload is tremendous haha. Like sure I'll do yet another project and committee.
HitchikersPie ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 16:13:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went on a 30 minute loop of the underground rather than take the opposite direction after a missed stop.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:55:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HitchikersPie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:47:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes :'(
Indicud2 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 17:36:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really had to poop and I was down the street from my house. I was squeezing the cheeks hoping I could make it. I'm walking really slow and I see 2 people going into their house and I pretended to pick up a newspaper like I was in front of my house so they wouldnt notuce me walkimg slow and then all hell broke loose and I had the biggest adrenaline rush to run home without stooping.
All bc I hated public restrooms.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 20:17:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stooping = stopping and pooping?
Indicud2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:18:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*stopping
Iceflame2001 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 19:10:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 7 years old, I was at church and they made me try coconut (I don't remember what it was for). I didn't like it at all. But instead of spitting it out, I keep it in the pouch of my cheek for the next hour. There was a trash can five feet away from where I was sitting...
hey-look-over-there ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:13:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least you didn't fuck it and throw it under your bed.
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A+
Beastman33 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 19:33:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked construction with a lot of hispanic people, being one of the only white boys i tried to learn Spanish. One day after work i tried to tell a group of the guys "Bye, have a good weekend boys" everyone laughed at me and I was told that I actually said "Bye, I hope you all have boys"..... Never again did i try. I was just the dumb white guy after that.
smorest ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:41:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have just told them it is a typical American blessing. โMay you have many sons.โ
juniperbreexe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adios, yo espero que ustedes tengas chicos?
DaddyKasper ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 20:23:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to stay behind at school for not doing work in class.
The teacher walked away and came back 10 minutes later, by this time I had already completed the work, and she said, "Carry on doing your work, I'll dismiss you when I come back if you finish." I didn't tell her that I had already finished because of my god damn anxiety.
She was gone for over an hour before I could leave.
chedzoa ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 21:18:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was sleeping over at my cousins house. It was about 3 in the morning and I really had to pee. I was in the guest room & the living room was right outside the guest room. The bathroom was literally right next to my bedroom but Iโm laying in bed debating if I should go to the bathroom or not or hold it in because my cousin had a habit of staying up super late playing video games & I knew he was out there. For some reason I was embarrassed.
I proceeded to open the bedroom door as quietly as possible & instead of WALKING like a normal person I crawled to the bathroom in hopes he wouldnโt see me considering it was dark (pretty sure he did) I than thought โoh no heโs gonna hear me peeingโ โfuck it Iโll hold it inโ I crawled back the short distance to my bedroom & laid back down. I knew I wouldnโt be able to hold it for the rest of the night. So all fucks lost, I peed the bed, on purpose. I was 12-13 at the time & in the morning I had to explain that it was an โaccidentโ
scotems ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:29 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the flying fuck?
scifibum ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 22:58:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pushed a motel mattress containing friendly girls off the bed frame in a bid for comic relief.
I was painfully shy as a teenager, and starved for touch. I was afraid of girls and couldn't talk to them for more than a few seconds at at ime.
We were on a school band trip that involved staying overnight at a motel. I think we were 4 to a room, segregated by gender of course. But early in the evening we had down time and some girls came to our room to watch a movie with us. The boys sat on the floor, using the beds as backrests, and the girls were on the beds. These girls were being a bit flirtatious and started braiding my friend's hair. It wasn't long hair so it took some time and patience. It became clear that I would get braided next.
Now, part of me really wanted to enjoy the attention. But I was so shy, so afraid that they would find my hair or scalp gross, and being touched was such an unfamiliar thing, that I apparently couldn't just sit and let it happen. In a panic, I decided to vault over to the side of the bed and push the mattress with my feet. I suppose in my head it was funny? Haha we are now having a bounce? Let's just say I hadn't thought it through all the way.
So in my urgency to achieve some kind of playful exit from the hair braiding, I bolted away from their hands and violently shoved the mattress with my feet. Understandably, they were freaked out. My male friends in the room started yelling "what the heck, scifibum". I apologized, but the damage was done, and as you have probably guessed, nobody touched me for the rest of high school. OK, that's an exaggeration. But those particular girls certainly steered clear after that.
SandyXXIV ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:12:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember whipping my phone out and pretending to take a fake phone call, then spinning around to another direction so the strangers on the street wouldn't know that I'd simply taken the wrong turn on the road and would be fooled by my 'friend's' sudden change of plan.
Sigh.
ishook ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 00:58:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coworker had some Sunflower seeds he was sharing so I took a few and popped them in my mouth. He looked at me funny and told me I had to take the shell off first. I told him I prefer them this way. It was like eating a book.
OlafForkbeard ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:45:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not uncommon to suck on them first, until the shell is weak, and then crack it open with your teeth, chew, and then spit FYI.
gosugenji ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:03:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a bar after a long day of work and nonchalantly ordered a vodka and coke. I meant to say jack and coke, but I didn't want to admit fault so I rolled with it.
chick_fil_a_daddy ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:22:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never post but ugh cringing just thinking about this...my two co-workers invited me out to get food with them after we finished our shift, and at first I said yes! But during my shift it dawned on me that I don't really know them THAT well, and anxiety started to make me question if this was a pity invite.
Sooooo, ten minutes before we are about to leave I get my friend to call me and have a pretend conversation about her being there and make up an elaborate lie of how we haven't seen each other in weeks...I could have just told them I'd changed my mind and was tired :'C
Pizzacrusher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:19:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
maybe they wanted to get to know you a little better??
chick_fil_a_daddy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:53:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know! I totally overthought the whole thing...
TheKeywork66 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 19:21:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope I'm not the only one who does this. When I go to cross the street and there are a few cars slowly rolling by, sometimes they will stop for me when it looks like I am waiting to cross. To avoid interrupting them and that obligatory hand wave I just walk the opposite direction until all of the cars are gone. I've been about to cross only to turn 90 degrees and the persons who's time I'm "saving" watches in confusion but eventually goes along their way.
LifeisRolledEyeEmoji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:23:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, you're not the only one. I also absolutely can NEVER cross at a walk light. WAY to much pressure and attention on me. Seriously, all these cars stopping at the light with nothing to focus on but me crossing the street? I can barely even order a pizza on the phone...
gustyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:08 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do things like this at crosswalks. They give me so much anxiety. I go to extreme lengths to not have to use them.
Interestingly enough I found out fear of crosswalks is common in autistic people like myself.
Xtinguish ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:14:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to the beach and found some kids about my age (15ish) one girl and one guy. At one point while we were in the water a wave came and displaced half her bikini so her boob was all the way out. I noticed immediately but didn't want her to think I was staring at her tit so I just ignored the problem. What was probably a full 30 seconds later of us talking the other guy came back from wherever he was (I think he tried to body surf) and told her.
I have no idea if she knew I knew afterwards and was just perving or if she thought I didn't notice. But I did, immediately and just felt awkward telling her.
apostrophie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:21:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is fucking hilarious!
SuaveUchiha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost as funny as stabbing yourself and not telling anyone for hours
apostrophie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahaha. I know. :(
Iceicemickey ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:13:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As I was walking out of a gas station, I tried to tell the cashier "Have a good night!"
What I actually said was "Have a good idea!"
I died inside and promptly walked out.
friendsareshit ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 01:33:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this will be buried but never in a million years did I imagine there would be a reddit thread fit for me to tell this story.
At a party, slept in the car because there wasn't enough room in the house. Woke up having to pee, like the worst "oh my god my bladder is going to explode" feeling I've ever had. The normal person thing to do would have been get out of the car, go into the house, use the bathroom, and come back, right? Yeah, I am not a normal person. I had a bucket in the car (I'm a girl so I couldn't just pee in a bottle or something) and some paper towels... So I got in the passenger seat, sat on the bucket, did my thing, rolled the window down, dumped it out the window, dried the inside of the bucket with the paper towels, threw them out the window, rolled the window back up and went back to sleep. Not my proudest moment, but I didn't know the people in the house very well and the thought of going in there made me too anxious....
poorexcuses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:48:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really sure this is a nightmare I've had.
pikldbeatz ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:11:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12 I got my first babysitting job at a house at the end of my street. It went well but I fell asleep by the end of the night. When the parents came home, I was super disoriented. The dad offered to drive me (even though it was only about 12 houses away). I pointed and said "it's that one", then got out of the car and opened my front door. Only, I immediately heard loud male voices (my mom was a single mom - no men at my house).
I suddenly realized I was two doors down from my house. I turned and saw the dad watching to be sure I got in ok. Rather than let him know I'd made a mistake and just go to my actual house, I entered the wrong house quietly and closed the door.
The men were drinking and playing cards just out of sight of the door. I stood as still as a statue for what felt like an hour but was only a couple of minutes. I needed to wait for the dad to drive back and go in his house. Finally I quietly opened the door and stepped outside. Closed it quietly and ran like mad to my house! I didn't tell anyone for a very long time.
JenniferM_Broderick ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:14:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the middle of a board game, I stood up to get another beer (a few feet from the game table) but had to remove the gallon of milk from the fridge to get the beer. I picked up the jug, and matched eyes with a non-high friend of mine, for some reason thought I'd make him laugh by pretending to pour the milk on my head. The cap was not on the jug properly. My friend watch as stoned-me took a gallon of milk and poured it on my head. Everyone was just as confused as I was as there was no rhyme or reason for any of it. My explanation for why it happened wasn't very valid.
WaffleCat111 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:15:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I canโt stop laughing at the mental image this is giving me. Itโs just so absurd I love it lol! Hopefully the ENTIRE gallon didnโt pour out!
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:53:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
gustyo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:34:12 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be easier to just buy it normally.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 22:40:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
tampabound ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:43:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me lol
kaylaicecube ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 16:42:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said, "to go" at CREAMISTRY when they asked for my name...
harland328 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:15:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sometimes say โto goโ in the drive thru
LifeisRolledEyeEmoji ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:04:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm distracted sometimes and forget to place my order at the drive through. End up at the window; no order has been placed. It's weird.
samdajellybeenie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god are you me? Holy shit I'm laughing so hard. You ARE me.
MissaFrog ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 19:00:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine and I sat in the bathroom for 5 minutes waiting for the each other to leave so we could poo. We realized it was each other, had an awkward laugh, but neither one of us used the bathroom.
DSV686 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:34:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an ongoing thing.
I need to pee at 8:30 in the morning. It doesn't matter if I wake up at 5 or 10 I need to pee at 8:30.
I have a 45 minute commute on public transit and start at 9.
I come to work 45 minutes early for the sole purpose of peeing in the company toilets because I am too ashamed to ask the 7-11 for the key to their toilet every morning and arrive at a normal time. So I'm at work at 8:12 every day and sit around for 48 minutes simply so I can pee without asking for the key to the bathroom at the 7-11
1morepl8 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro. Just be normal and get a piss jug.
MadGeekling ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 23:21:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my first year in graduate school. I wanted to make sure all of the professors knew me and I had a good rep as you do as a grad student. First impressions are important. I was walking down the hall and saw a prof and wanted to say "Hi."
This is at Texas A&M, so it's normal to say "Howdy" there. Not my brain though. My brain was like, "Say Howdy, nah maybe not just say Hi!" What came out was: "HOW!" The professor said "Um..hi.." with a smirk and I immediately decided to go hide in a restroom stall.
Edit: typo
LogicalComa ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:12:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in an apartment building and I had a really cute neighbor. I was in the Delayed Entry Program while trying to join the military and the wait time was approximately a year. So for about half of that time I would pretty much stay home all day and play video games. I would see a cute neighbor girl (Senior in high school only 1 year younger than me) walk on by my main front windows on her way home. There was no way I'd actually ever talk to her first so I just played Xbox around the time she'd get off and play loud music. She looked through my open blinds right at me and I quickly looked back at the TV. DAMMIT! I missed my chance, again! Well, one day, she walks by with a female friend and as they're passing by, she stops, walks back to the front of my apartment, and rings the doorbell. I never thought it would work so that's about where my plan ended. We ended up getting together and she was the most amazing girl.
sweatybronson ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:14:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a play - Hamlet - in London, at a fancy theater. My feet were very very sweaty. Like, unbearably so. I felt too awkward to leave the theatre and go wash them in the bathroom.
So I just took my shoes off and put my stinky as fuck bare feet out over the railing.
People around me (like, three rows back) were covering their faces with their shirts to try to escape the stink.
I was paralyzed with awkward, just waiting and hoping for intermission. It's fucking Hamlet - took like 2 hours.
At intermission, I went to the bathroom, washed and dried off my feet, like I should have done 2 hours earlier. (or just kept my fucking shoes on. Awkward has reasons which reason can not understand).
It was with a study-abroad class. I didn't have many friends after that.
Billy_Wildhair ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:43:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too awkward too excuse yourself but not too awkward to get your feet out?!
sweatybronson ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:15:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently.
Or so awkward that I didn't realize how awkward getting my feet out would be until it was too late and then I was too paralyzed with the awkwardness to correct the awkward?
I really can't explain it
apostrophie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:17:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god.
sweatybronson ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:33:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. Whenever I think my glory days are behind me, I remember this moment, and I realize I wasn't so glorious back then... And I still cringe when I think about it.
Mastersheep8 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 09:55:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time meeting my girlfriends grandparents, who were gardeners. They make us Lasagne with salad from their own garden. I start eating my lasagne and picking at the salad, when I notice a fucking HUGE spider in between the salad leaves. Now instead of informing her grandparents, I EAT MY ENTIRE MEAL, until there is only a spider left on my plate.
My girlfriend โomg thereโs a spider!!!โ
Me โyeah I knowโ
ashrae9 ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 17:42:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 14. I was dating this guy, let's call him Jason. We were in the 9th grade. This is hands down the most awkward situation I have ever been in. I am 26 now and still do awkward shit but I will never forget that feeling of this awkward moment.
Jason and I were tight since basically the first week that year, bonding over Harry Potter and music taste. We hung out every day during lunch and after school. We eventually decided to date. Long story short, it ended after a couple months. There wasn't any romantic chemistry at all and we had never even kissed (he's gay, go figure! I'm bisexual and didn't find out til years later. I still have no gay-dar.) We stayed good friends, it was super innocent.
We had this mutual friend, Cameron. He was so cute. Started dating him a few weeks after Jason and I broke up but it wasn't a huge deal. Jason and Cameron were best friends, though, so there's that to keep in mind here. Cameron and I were together for maybe a week, and a group of us all went to the local fair together. (You know, going on questionably safe rides, eating sodium overdose foods and pure sugar all day in the 35ยฐ heat, that kind of shit.) There was a concert at this fair -- Theory of a Deadman. Oh yeah, 2005-2006 they were super cool then. We were all hanging out as friends, really -- but I was hoping Cameron would like me back.
So we get to the grassy area where they held the concert and we're all standing together in the crowd. My two girl friends and one of their boyfriends are in front of us and Jason, Cameron and I are standing together somewhat behind them, me in the middle. So yeah, here we are, standing in a huge crowd singing along to the music and having a great time when I feel Cameron, bump against my right shoulder and grab my hand. Aww. My heart fluttered. I was so excited that the feelings were reciprocated.
Halfway into the chorus of "Santa Monica," however, something happened. Jason grabbed my left hand and squeezed it. Oh god. What. No. What is happening!? Get me out of this scenario!
What did I do, you ask? Let go of a hand? Both hands? OH GOD. NOPE. I'll tell ya what I did. I held both hands for the rest of the concert. Yep. It was awful. My heart felt like it was going to sink through my body and out my asshole. I was terrified someone would notice or one of them would notice the other, also holding my hand!?!?! NO. No no no. I was so nervous the remainder of the concert which was about 3 more songs. I couldn't enjoy any of it. I could hear my heartbeat in my eardrums every so often when one of them would move or turn their head towards me. Finally the last song ended, the band says thanks to our tiny ass fuck city, and the crowd starts tapering. Fuck. Just as Jason starts to face me and talk to me, I pretended to see someone else I know behind him, calling a random name out to no one in particular as I yanked both hands free. I cut through the crowd and ran off. I kept running until I got out of the little grassy area, through the rides and porta-potties, and out into the parking lot. I had never run like that in my life. I felt like Forrest Gump when those bullies chased him and his brace flies off.
I then got on the bus and went home. This was before the days of cell phones so later, when Jason came over to the house to check on me I begged my mother to tell him I wasn't home. I still have no idea if the two of them ever discussed that event because I never spoke to either of them again.
The end.
TL;DR - A strange series of events led to me holding two dudes' hands at once at a concert at the local fair. Was too awkward to do anything but freeze. I then ran full speed to the nearest bus stop with no explanation and went home. I was 14.
imforit ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:52:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two paragraphs in, I thought this was going to turn into the plot of Ferris Beuller
ashrae9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:10:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bahaha amazing. I wish it were. The musical number would've vastly improved that experience.
imforit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:51:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
who doesn't want to spontaneously star in a parade?
GenesisOfAlexandria ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 20:01:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I wouldโve done is just raise both my hands in the air super obvious and friendly like and make the guys holding your hands feel awkward for thinking that they were having a romantic moment.
Edit: Engrish.
linwail ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuuuuuck
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who the fuck is James?!
ashrae9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:10:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fake name. Woops. Jason was what I was going for.
whatglasses5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me laugh so hard I'm crying
tdt0005 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm confused. You're 26 and have been dating the same guy for 10 years. But you years (I assume you were 14/15 in 9th grade) found out you were bi. There is a story somewhere.
ashrae9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:34:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We've been together since I was 16. And yep, bisexual. There's not really a story there.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ashrae9 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:48:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely. That's sort of the point. Lots of suspense for a really awkward moment because that's how it all felt to me. Very drawn out and dramatic lol.
epidemica ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:21:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone who works in our shipping department calls me the wrong name and has been calling me that for over 7 years.
I responded to it once when I first met him because he was actually talking to someone else behind me and I didn't want to look strange so I claimed to have the same name and that it was a coincidence.
kingcoyote ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:25:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but my wife's ex boyfriend once saw a huge line outside of Target and decided to get in the line because it had to be something great, right?
He gets to the front and it's the line to buy a Wii. He doesn't want a Wii. He doesn't play games. He doesn't even really have the money for a Wii right then. But what else was he going to do? Stand in like for 2 hours and then just walk off like a jackass at the front? People would stare and judge.
WhiteScumbag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is dedication!
ericoisla ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 22:55:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was exiting a store when I was stopped by an old man who needed help going home with some boxes. My home was the other way, instead of saying that I was going the other way I told him my house was on is way. I help him and I was too embarrassed to go back to my house the same way so I keep going a block and turn to go for the backstreet so he can't see me. Sry for my awful English I really want to share that story .
Karyoplasma ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:10:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I go to university by train and I have a ~30 minute wait between arriving at the train station and departure, so I decided to get something to eat. I stroll down the shopping street and find a Chinese takeaway. I order some noodles and watch him packing up my order in a bag and I can clearly see that he forgets to include a plastic fork, but I don't say a word. I pay and leave the store without the plastic fork, because I have a master plan.
I seek out the nearest McDonalds because chances are that there are plastic forks for days, but much to my dismay, there were none on the counter. I queued up to ask for one and just before it was my turn, I get cold feet and leave, remaining forkless.
At this point I am considering just eating at home, but I still have a little fight left in me. I make a trip to the kebab guy and I see plastic forks on the counter from afar. "Nice, just sneak by and grab one" my brain commands. Alright, let's do this. I walk up to the counter, but I am the only guy there, so the lady behind it instantly asks for my order. I don't want to appear like a panhandler and just ask for a fork, so I order some fries:
"Big or small?"
"Uhm... big."
"With sauce?" (costs extra)
"Yeah, why not."
I pay, snag a plastic fork and leave with that burning feeling of failure in my chest. In addition to this, I am not hungry enough to eat both meals I got, so I go to the next homeless dude and beg that he takes the fries. He graciously accepts. I hand over the fries, say "I'm gonna need that fork for my noodles tho, sorry." and leave. I catch my train and eat the noodles in shame, thinking about what just happened and unable to find a solution that would have prevented this ridiculous goose chase after a 1 cent plastic fork.
Killaxxbee ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 00:13:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretended I was doing coke in a toilet cubicle in a club when I was actually having a poo
sinabimo ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:15:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super late but my SO just told me this and I'm in tears:
"I was at a social luncheon for a school I was about to attend. They had a buffet style and were serving whole, unpeeled shrimp. Immediately I pack only those on my plate, as nothing else looked good. As I'm talking to a group of other students, with the plate in one hand, I go to grab a shrimp to munch on. Realizing too late that the shrimp was unpeeled, I didn't want to look weird peeling shrimp in front of these people I was trying to get to know. So I just started eating the shrimp, peel and all. The guy who was talking in our group stopped mid-sentence and just stared at me. Everyone dispersed shortly after and I lost my appetite."
TubofTitaniumWhite ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 01:16:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my parents asked my girlfriend where her parents are from (back in the homeland) she gave the wrong city by accident. My parents always ask her about how things are there and she's kept up the lie for three years now since I think it's too late to change it.
butterflyy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:47:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well this might not be the dumbest thing ever but today I got to my desk after a late meeting and tried to log in to my computer. I kept inputting my password which didnโt work and I got locked out. Five minutes later I realized that caps lock was on. I sit next to one of the most handsome guys in our building so I was way too embarrassed to call IT to unlock my account since he would hear the whole conversation. I just sat at my desk pretending I was reading a manual until I could head home. I donโt know why I leave my house sometimes.
blackoutboy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:35:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't figure out how to get my friends shower to switch to the showerhead. Ended up on all fours trying to stick my body under the faucet. Went to turn it off and accidentally switched it to the shower. It was a little nub on the inside of the bath faucet.
XMenOrangesTangerine ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:48:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I was too awkward to get a haircut at a barber, so I just gave myself a buzzcut whenever my hair got far too long.
I didn't get a good haircut until I was 18.
Even now I have to work up the courage to walk into the barbers. Last time I went I walked past the door like 5 times before finally walking inside.
kayakladybug ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:06:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I flew to Germany from Canada I was too socially awkward to ask the guy sitting beside me to move, so I didn't go pee for the entire nine hour flight. There were no consequence other than having to pee really bad, but I'm pretty sure you can do actual damage doing that
rodders0223 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:16:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I would catch the bus as a kid, when it came to my stop I would always wait for someone else to stand up first before I got off. I didn't want to get up too early and stand there like a noob and I didn't want to be the only person standing up and have everyone staring at me.
So if nobody got up at my stop well guess I am going to the next stop where someone hopefully does get up. Sometimes the stop before mine if someone got up I would just get off there. Just to be definitely close to where I needed to be. "Yep, this is my stop. I am normal like you folk. Yep, this is fine."
safetyfirstlovelyboy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:11:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 19 and finishing a college art assignment. It was a cube with different pictures of me Iโd drawn as different dictatorsโ mug shots. I had just finished it in my den which is adjacent to the garage. All I needed to do was put a matte finish on it. So I put the cube on the top of my parents car and proceed to spray the it. When I removed it I noticed that there was a perfect matte outline of a square left on the roof of the car. To hide the evidence I just sprayed in the middle so it was just a mysterious matte patch of paint on the polished blue roof of the car. When they sold the car years later they had no idea what it was. The car dealer told them it was probably caused by bat poo.
Nebuerdex ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:32:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yesterday i went out looking for something to eat, after walking for about thirty seconds i decided i wanted to go somewhere else, instead of turning around on the spot i walked 10 minutes around the block back to where i started. Because i didn't want to walk past the same cafes fall of people who just saw me going the other direction a few seconds ago like some maniac
tatertott22 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 17:35:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always piss in the stalls now. Idk why i just can't go at urinals anymore.
GenesisOfAlexandria ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:02:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve always done that.
pukotoshana_murkals ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:34:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are not alone.
blade55555 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:36:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tell myself to do this when I go into a bathroom and do half the time. Most of the time it's fine, until some guy walks in and stands next to me. Then I stand there awkwardly, act like I peed and leave the bathroom.
Then I tell myself I will never use the urinal encase it happens again. I don't learn...
TheOccultSasquatch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:54:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im a urinal virgin. Im also a virgin, don't think they're related.
MrRieper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:09 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same.
VikyN ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 18:40:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I circled around the neighborhood, pretending that I arrived later when going to my crush's house instead of waiting for him in front of his house. I don't even know why I did it lol
Spudmeister2 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 19:07:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked nearly 9 hours in the rain because I was too timid to take the bus. Amusingly enough, I was going somewhere to get a ride to somewhere even further away.
Social anxiety is a bitch.
SammyClumpy ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 19:17:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a fast walker and when I realize I'm going the wrong direction I cross the road and go in the direction I need to avoid seeing all the people I just passed.
rrw0312 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 21:43:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of just being a normal person going to a bar by herself, I took a small notepad from the back of my car and a pen, and pretended to be an initial reviewer for Our state magazine, and just kindly told people I was sitting back taking notes for my editor on "the modern revival of bluegrass" to see if he was interested in turning it into a story. Nope didn't want to interview anyone, just having a beer and taking notes.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:56:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like something I would do.
Heresomeland ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 22:39:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom dropped me off at college on my first day because my car was in the shop. I didn't realize I left my phone and wallet in the passenger door until I went to call her to pick me up.
Instead of asking to use a phone from the thousands of other students surrounding me, I walked 7 miles home with all of my textbooks in 90 degree weather.
taycoug ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 22:50:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've ended up on a fake phone call for 15 minutes because I pretended to answer my phone to avoid saying hi to someone on campus.
TyGeezyWeezy ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 22:51:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro. Fake phone calls is my go to move when I feel awkward around a group of people. I will literally have a whole conversation by myself.
LoveIsRage ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:08:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've nearly bring myself to do this in awkward situations but my dignity surpasses this urge, one day it'll happen Ik that
nun_atoll ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:30:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have done this on multiple occasions to squeak through awkward situations. It always works, and I've had some fascinating conversations with myself.
ChubbyOprah ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:14:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a first date I nervously chugged my 16 oz coffee in about a minute and a half. Then, in order to not arouse suspicion I spent the next two hours pretending to sip from an empty coffee cup.
Yellowslimjim ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:00:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I broke my arm freshman year of high school and when it came time to get the cast off the nurse came out with one of those cast-cutting saw things. She began cutting but was going wayyyy too deep and was actually cutting my arm. I was to awkward to say anything so I just sat there and let her cut up literally the whole length of my arm. When the cast finally came off I was bleeding and the nurse was confused as to why I didnt say anything.... Social awkwardness at its finest!
hiploser ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:14:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my mom is really socially awkward. Actually, I am too but this story is about her.
We went to Five Guys to get some burgers. We each get our orders and while I'm eating I notice she's taking really small bites and doesn't look like she's enjoying her food that much. I ask her if there's anything wrong with her burger and she just says "...its okay."
I grab it and take a look and the burger is pinker than pink on the inside. Almost red. I tell her to just take it back to the people at the counter and she insists that it's ok and she'll just eat it. So I'm like "um, no" and take it up for her. The people at the counter take one look at this basically raw burger and go "Oh my god! I'm so sorry we'll get you a new one".
So that's the story about how my mom risked getting bad food poisoning because she was too awkward to tell anyone her burger wasn't cooked through.
wackotaco ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:18:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first time drinking at a club, was about 16 years old (club was in Mexico so $20 all you can drink) and a dude asks to borrow my cigarette to light his. Me, being new to drinking and smoking, held mine in my mouth and leaned in instead of handing it to him. It still gives me shudders thinking about it. 16 year old me was dumb.
johntf ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 21:24:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If people working in shops I frequent start to recognise me as a regular, and acknowledge that in any way, I can never go to that shop again.
I now get my groceries in China
Surreal_J ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 22:56:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People as awkward as me... I..I've found my people... I'm finally home.ใฝ(ใโใ)ใ
sminnyc ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:30:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any time I get off a train too early, I don't go back in- I walk like I'm leaving the station and then go back when I hear the next train pulling in and get in that one. I know it's ridiculous and I know no one cares, BUT I DO
edit: cannot spell
A_Tame_Sketch ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:55:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend 2 hours walking home on the hottest day of the summer or ask coworker for a ride home who lives near me.
I took off half my clothes by the time i got home.
JustinTBSmash ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:14:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so late to this but I need to post it. First day of highschool, I just moved to Pennsylvania from New York. I am such a nervous and shy boy. I went to a very small school. You couldn't get lost if you tried. This highschool was giant. Could easily hold multiples of my old school. Well the day is cruising and I am making my way to my classes. However one class (I think History) was on the other side of the building. I get so turned around and lost, the bell rings so now I am late. Instead of asking anyone for help. I hide in the bathroom read the school map and camp out till my class starts. I just skipped that class and said fuck it I'll find it tomorrow.
K-Zoro ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:04:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I'm a little late but o have one. I'm in the 4th grade, pretty young. I have a crush on my classmate, she's a Chinese immigrant, as were many of my classmates in that neighborhood. I want to do something about my romantic feelings. Just watched Alladin for the 10th time and I got an idea. Next day at end of school day, I approach my crush,
Me: hi Christine, umm, do you know the alladin movie?
Girl: yeah?
Me: oh cool. I can sing the song you know.
I start to sing A Whole New World in its entirety with direct eye contact. I can see she is terribly uncomfortable and so am I, but I already started so o have to follow thru and sing the whole song.
After minutes of awkwardness, I finish the song. She says thanks and runs away. She never spoke to me again. Crimgiest moment of my life.
king_of_da_burgerz ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:11:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a rave themed homecoming "dance" in highschool and everyone was in a giant crowd jumping up and down to the beat of the music, all except for me. For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to join in and jump up and down with them so I went to the bathroom and called my mom to pick me up only 20 minutes after the dance started. The car ride home was mostly silent.
Garsithor ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 00:14:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took a year and a half off from college because I didn't want to talk to my advisor.
apostrophie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:16:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I've definitely postponed advisor conversations until the last minute.
Garsithor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:24:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It also didn't help that I had missed a couple of classes due to an illness, and then I didn't want to explain that to my classmates and teachers so I stopped going to classes which i had decent grades in.
young_zach ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 01:00:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into class late. A movie was being projected up front and I didnโt want to walk in front of the screen and block peopleโs view for 1.2 seconds, so I walked to the side and loudly climbed over empty desks, tripping a long the way, to get to my normal seat.
melancholygal ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:36:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was a kid I got lost and I found an elder couple, and instead of asking them to help me find my mom, I ask them to adopt me. I still remember the shock in their faces and my mom running toward me and my new parents.
Costner_Facts ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:47:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew someone at work was getting in trouble (maybe fired?) when they went into the owner's office and shut the door. So, when I heard them opening the door to leave, I ran into the closest office and shut the door to avoid any sort of conversation. It was the new guy's office and he thought I was crazy for the rest of the time he worked there :(
ElonMusk0fficial ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:05:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
please tell me the new guy was the guy getting fired.
Costner_Facts ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:09:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, that would have been even worse!
RiptideAC ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 16:58:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stayed locked in a bathroom stall for half an hour cause I realized I accidentally walked into the womens bathroom and didnt want to be seen by anyone
CommodoreWally ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:07:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Been there my dude. ๐
mmononymouss ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 17:08:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put on an incredibly obnoxious fussy old man from Brooklyn accent anytime I had to ask for information over the phone and texting wasn't an option. I hate talking on the phone lol
ratbrainfliesplane ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 22:56:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End of a date in early highschool. Was time for a kiss at end of night. I moved in, chickened out, decided to high five her instead but accidentally highfived her face (not hard but my hand definitely touched her face).
Her response " god you're retarded. Goodnight.".
witchywater11 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:02:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the wrong bus. So instead of riding it back to the starting point, I got off the last stop and tried to walk back to where I parked my car. I then discovered that to reach the parking lot, I would have to cross a busy road with no crosswalk and then cross train tracks. So I went back to the stop and rode back to get on the right bus.
Overall it took 1 and a half hours longer than it should have for me to get home.
badashly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You had to take a bus to get back to your car? Parking must be terrible ๐จ
witchywater11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:09:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I go to university but I don't live on campus. My school has a fleet of buses going around town on different routes and on the first day, I parked in a lot that was within walking distance of the campus but no bus stops were close to it. So I got on the wrong bus on my first day because the number of the route was close to the one that would have taken me closer to the lot.
After that, I learned to just park in the lot where the bus goes through. So much easier.
L3enjamn ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:47:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the wrong ski lift and rode it to the top of the mountain. Instead of riding it back down I learned how to snowboard by face planting back down the mountain.
michaelnpdx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done this, only it was my tailbone.
Ready_breck123 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 23:15:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time i went over to my friends house, i was about 4 was quite shy, so as we are eating i didn't refuse anything i was offered, which meant i ended up eating 13 sausages in one sitting, this led to his parents thinking i loved sausages and for years whenever i went over to eat at their house i was served sausages.
er1252 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:05:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a summer camp and told people my name was Demetri because my real name is long, and folks kept mispronouncing it. Seemingly overnight I went from unpopular and insecure to gregarious and confident with the new Demetri persona. This went on for weeks and things were great. This was until my mom came to pick me up from camp one day and asked for me. They looked through their records and told her that that child (real me) had not signed in since the first week of camp. She was outraged and caused a scene that ended with her pointing me out and shouting "That's him rights there! That's Er1252!"
Things were getting heated and I finally had to reveal myself. The look of shame and disgust on the faces of my counselors and camp mates was tough to stomach. They were in disbelief as to why I would lie. After that, I was relegated to my old, insecure ways and became a loser again.
TL;DR I lied about my name at summer camp for a month and people found out. Almost got my mom in trouble. Embarrassed myself.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 00:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:33:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hoo boy! Is this your neighbor? https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/75xto0/comment/do9zobr
caktexas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, thatโs what I was attempting to respond to, though. Reddit fail.
AtomicPanda2033 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:14:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I left my laptop charger in class one time, so I came back a few hours later to the school building only find there was new class going on. Instead of me interrupting the class and having that awkward moment of other students staring at me while I make my way to get my charger, I just waited two hours outside by the hallway waiting for the class to finish.
apostrophie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:23:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've definitely done this one before!
clearkryptonite ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 00:17:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm in work and I can't remember if I've seen this person for the morning already, I tell them good morning again. Sometimes I end up telling the same person good morning many many times so I won't be seen as impolite.
Kylo-Wen ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:09:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting chicken and potato wedges at the local grocery store. I asked the guy for potato wedges, and he starts to put them in a bag and says "tell me when it's enough" but I didn't hear him. In the end, I have like all of the potato wedges in a giant bag, and the dude looks at me funny and says "is this good for you?" I was so confused, but my friends and the people in line got a real kick out of it. Instead of saying that's way too much, I took the giant bag of wedges and walked away.
SoundIsNotNoise ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:06:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a great, great one for this. Maybe someone out there can learn something from my story.
I was in graduate school and was one half of the sound team on a big (film) production the entire (extremely competitive-to-get-into) class was involved in making. It was a big deal.
Well into the post production phase, we were to give a presentation in front of pretty much everyone - the entire 100+ student class plus some fairly high-ranking faculty. Who were mentoring us, and eagerly looking forward to seeing the trees of their efforts bear fruit that day.
Well, I woke up a bit late that morning to the tune of about 20 minutes. I immediately went full-tilt super panic mode, scrambled to get my ass down to the school as quickly as possible, finally showing up about 40 minutes late for class...
...and I just couldn't bring myself to open the door to the big theater classroom where I knew all eyes would be upon me, silently judging me for being so late. Like an idiot, I sat there, completely overwhelmed by fear and the feeling of sinking ineptitude, wanting desperately to open the door but scared to death of what awaited inside.
It wasn't until a full hour later that someone else walked by and opened the door...to a completely empty classroom. I had the entire day wrong. I was a full 22.5 hours early.
Two things never happened after that day. I was never late to anything important ever again (this is true), and I always, always, always immediately own a fuckup. It's just easier.
Lost-Arrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just about the best way to learn to valuable life lessons!
JAugustus ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 19:37:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rode my bicycle (don't own a car) several miles across town to make a dentist appointment in person at the office rather than do it over the phone because I fucking hate talking over the phone.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 19:32:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fell asleep on the school bus, when I woke up I looked outside and thought 'shit, it's my stop like now'. Go down, still a bit dazed. The doors open and suddenly I realise I am at least half an hour away from home with a dead phone... But rather than just saying what had happened, and face the laughter of the bus, I just got off and walked home.
Atomsk7991 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 20:35:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember in high school accidentally passing my classroom door, and instead of just turning around and saving time. I walked all the way around the building and ended up being late by the time I got back around.
BeastRunner22 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:10:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a gym and whenever I check people in and give them a towel, I say to them "Have a good workout."
I would say 3 out of 5 people reply back with "Thanks you too."
Cracks me up every time.
KaraWolf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:40:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. I say it all the god damn time. I swear its officially a preprogrammed response. Gym, waiter, bus driver grocery clerk. Doesn't matter "thanks you too!" Working on it though by reprogramming with have a nice day. Another one I've found is : Can I help you with anything? "Yes"leaves
BeastRunner22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the movie theater ticket employee who says "Enjoy your movie" and then reply with "You too".
LMAO thats my favorite one.
KaraWolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:27:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooo yup!
Depressed_moose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:07:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was a waitress I would say "enjoy your food!" And frequently got a "you too!" From people. Generally I said, super upbeat, "will do!" And walked off while they realized wha they said haha.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 00:15:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm really bad at small talk. I was going to work out with a buddy I didnโt know very well, and he asks me what workout I wanted to do. Not knowing what to say (we were at his house), and knowing full well it doesnโt work this way, I blurted out, โI donโt know, whatever is going to help my golf game this weekend.โ He looked at me with a totally straight face and goes, โWell, I donโt think youโll build muscle mass that fast. But we can do arms if you want.โ
Arms. I should have just said arms.
LethallyBlond3 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:01:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh... this will probably get buried, but I have the best/worst story.
When I was 14 I was flying by myself from Hawaii to the east coast of the mainland to see family. I was seated in the window seat and a large, middle aged man was sitting in the aisle seat. It was a long flight and he fell asleep. Well, in my excitement to be flying, I'd been loading up on sodas while I waited for boarding and several during the flight. So, basically, I had to pee super bad. But this man was sleeping really hard. I tried coughing, shifting around in my seat, but nothing woke him up. Obviously I wasn't going to tap his shoulder and ask him to let me up.
So (I'm cringing so hard right now), I braced one hand on the headrest in front of us and one hand on his headrest and tried to sneakily hoist myself over his lap. But, of course, that was harder than I thought and the movement woke him up.
There I am, like a pretend gymnast on the parallel bars, with my legs sticking out in front of me into the aisle, my butt dangling directly over his lap, and my face and boobs each about 6 inches from his face, and -omg- his eyes opened. I was horrified. Even worse, I was still stuck dangling there. So, while he stared at me in shock, I swung myself back and then thrust my hips as hard as I could and tumbled into the aisle. The poor man was probably mortified with how close my butt was to his lap and my boobs were to his face.
I'm pretty sure I stayed in the bathroom for like an hour playing solitaire on my iPod nano to avoid facing my shame. You can imagine how awkward it was when I finally emerged and had to sit next to him for a few more hours... out of all the awkward moments in my life, this is probably the only story I've never told anyone!! I'm 25 and I still hate being stuck in a window seat because I'm so afraid the person in the aisle seat will fall asleep.
HollDollHutt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:11:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve done this exact thing when I was 19 flying from New Orleans and I think a part of me died that day.
LethallyBlond3 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:31:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so glad I'm not the only one who has done this!! I agree, part of me died, too. I legitimately haven't even told my husband this story because it's so embarrassing.
Youngphycouant ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:25:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I Write out long responses but feel too awkward to share them and give up.
OlafForkbeard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that's a sign of being awkward, I think that is more of a sign of you wanting to make sure how you come across is as you prefer.
I do it pretty often.
Humans have an identity they sell, and an identity that is who they are, and they will try their hardest to sell you long before ever showing you the original.
hobosapien24 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:33:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I had a friend stay over and we both slept in my bed. I peed the bed and it soaked her too. She woke up in the morning and thought it was her that wet the bed. I never told her it was me and we're still friends to this day.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:36:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school I sat in the wrong class and noticed it quite quickly, but instead of stating that I was in the wrong class, I got up and said "I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE" and busted out. I have no idea, some kind of teenage double-bluff I guess. A guy I know who was in the class still laughs about it.
e: He also usually tells that the teacher was very, VERY confused about it afterwards. Poor teacher.
slutforfamousamos ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:03:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to open up my bag of potato chips, but I was in a library studying and didnโt want to disrupt the handful of people who were in there too. I developed my battle plan; opening the bag as slow as possible would keep the noisiness of its crumpling and tearing down.
Needless to say, it did not work. Not only was the opening of said bag as loud as it would have been if I had just opened it at normal speed, but it was also dragged out - for a solid FOUR MINUTES.
I looked around, noticing a small audience of heads turned towards me to see what had happened. I realized my mistake, but I wasnโt finished yet.
My next objective was to eat the potato chips with minimal crunching. I figured that just because my tactic of slowing down hadnโt worked with opening the bag didnโt mean that it would fail me in chewing potato chips.
I slowly pulled a chip out of the bag, creating another disruptive crinkling noise. Then, I placed the chip in my mouth and chewed slowly: ...... CRUUUUUNNNNNNCH.... ... ........... CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNCHHHHHH.... ...... ........... CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNCH.
Tension filled the air around me.
This plan had failed me too! I then figured I could just let the chips melt in my mouth, but before I could put this plan into action, a librarian came up behind me.
โNo eating in this library,โ the sudden female voice spoke behind me. I shrieked (I am a very jumpy individual), picked up my study materials, and left, forgetting to grab the bag of chips in the process.
Side note: My phone kept trying to change โchipsโ to โchildbearingโ and I have never been more confused.
Edit: Minor spelling error
xllcyllx ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 18:08:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew I was being hit on by the pizza delivery girl, but at the same time knew I was too dumb to know the "right" thing to do, so I let her go. I hope she doesn't think it was her, cuz she was cute, I'm just retarded
Pizzacrusher ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 20:23:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like while she was delivering? or were you both working at the same pizza place?
xllcyllx ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:10:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was delivering
discofunkyourself ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 21:50:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She wanted that tip, bro
Pizzacrusher ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:03:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
^ I think Disco is on to something ;)
IwantpuppyPMs ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:54:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Part of why I'm still single. I have NO idea how to flirt. I think I've gotten maybe a little better, but for the most part if I like someone I usually talk to everyone around them and just sort of...ignore them? Maybe say one or two sentences to the person of no consequence. Or say something stupid. I think I've always been this way, and somehow it was more charming when I was a teenager. Now that I'm in my early 30's and a single parent, it's probably just awkward and sad.
KilfordBrimley ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:26:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time while studying abroad I missed the last train back to my host family's house. Rather than call or text them at this hour to try and explain what happened and what I need, and too poor to afford a cab, let alone explain where I need to go, I decided to just walk home.
The route's only like 20 minutes by train, and it's a pretty straight shot out the window, so, it's probably fine.
Turns out what's straight for a train is NOT straight for a human, and further, walking along the tracks isn't allowed in Japan. Google says that if I knew the way it should've taken about 2.5 hours to walk it, but I don't know the way, and don't have Google on my phone (on account of it being 2004).
About 7 hours later I've arrived home as the sun's going up, and my shoe's blown out, and I could sleep for days but only have a few hours before I gotta be right back to school.
Slydruid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:59:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in elementary school I used the sink as the urinal. It was a big half circle with a foot rail around the bottom to turn it on. I had never seen one before and when I walked into the bathroom I thought โthatโs weird that they put the urinal RIGHT in front of the doorโ.
lifesok ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:21:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I asked a guy out I was 22. I sat in my car 20 minutes practicing what I was going to say. I walk in and start up a conversation then cooly say "hey, do you think you would want to get coffee sometime?" He said he was married but thanks anyways. I burst into tears and ran out, I also never went into that store again.
SjettepetJR ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:56:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waited for a train for 30 minutes, just too realise I was standing on the wrong side of the station. Instead of just walking over 3 meters to the other side. I decided to go to the kiosk upstairs, get some food, and return 3 minutes later. So I was sure people wouldn't recognize me.
I was pretty baked.
LordDrewpicus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:58:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess for some reason one time my little brother took a dump in the shower, not even down the drain or anything. We were like 6 and 8 so we got in to shower together, when he "noticed" that there was a turd in the corner. I wasn't terribly grossed out, I'd just stand under the water away from that corner, but our dad came in and was really disgusted. He asked who did it and neither of us owned up, so he said that we wouldn't get dinner until one of us confessed.
I owned up to it because I was hungry and now my family jokes about it all the time. Nobody but me and my brother know it was actually him
ShannonSays ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:04:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tldr - First ever college class, went to wrong class, announced my error, and then proceeded to stay until the end.
I went to the right classroom, but at the wrong time. I was a little nervous anyway so I leaned over and asked the person to my left in this was, in fact, [course] and he said yes, so that put me at ease. It was the right course, but then the professor walked in and was a woman instead of a man, but I thought "maybe she's just filling in for the day". But nope, the syllabus came around and her name was on it. So now I'm freaking out, and it's time to get to know everyone (my favourite -_- ).When everyone was introducing ourselves, my "interesting fact" was that I was pretty positive that I was in the wrong class, and then I just sat there and stayed there for the full hour.
lunaanna0305 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 23:24:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I started a new job with a ton of other new employees our training class did an ice breaker called Two Truths, One Lie. As you can guess, we had to tell two true things and one lie and the group had to guess what the lie was. When it was my turn I completely blanked and ended up telling three lies. My coworkers even kept mentioning them to me. It was months later that I finally caved and told them the truth.
BarefootBison ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:08:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to walk miles home from school every day back in middle school, even though there was a bus that went right into my neighborhood. I was always nervous about talking to people or even worse, getting on the wrong bus. If I had ever gotten on the wrong bus I probably would have just stayed on it cause I wouldn't wanna tell the bus driver to let me out.
briseiis ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:00:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was peeing in a bathroom stall when an elderly women began rattling the door, trying to open my stall. Instead of saying "in here!", I continued to quietly sit on the toilet, hoping she would leave after figuring out someone was in there. Turns out this lady would not quit, for the next 5 minutes she continued to violently shake the stall door, probably thinking it was jammed. I still did not say anything..at this point it was too late and it would've been weird to speak out now. Even after I finished peeing ,this woman was STILL trying to open the door, I sat on the toilet for what seemed like a year waiting for her to give up. On her final attempt to open the stall she used the last of her strength and ended up pulling the stall door so hard (using her feet from under the stall), she broke the lock. The door swung open and revealed me. The worst part is once we made eye contact I just said "sorry."
Fallthrough ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:12:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this applies.
The girl I had a massive crush on lived in the same building as me, but I could not summon the courage to talk to her or even be within 20 feet of her without a sudden bout of mushmouth. One day I was cooking KD as a midnight snack, but had no milk. I don't know about the rest of you but I can't make KD without milk. I was far too lazy to put on real clothes, and the corner store was literally on the corner of my street, about 10 meters from my complex door. I was wearing TMNT boxers, and a t-shirt. I figured no one was up at this time and those that were would not care. I dashed to the local Macs, grabbed my bag of milk, and dashed back, only to my horror to see my crush in the lobby of the building by her lonesome. I could not let her see me like this and the back entrance hallway led to stairs that were within eye shot of the lobby. I waited by the doors hoping she would eventually enter the elevator and go to her room. But she didn't. To this day I don't know what the fuck she was doing, but I felt this intense anger that she couldn't be doing it somewhere else. Outside it seemed like an hour had passed. It was cold and I was at risk of having my peepee freeze and break off. In a sudden flash of brilliance I remembered there was a fire escape on the side of the building. The counterbalance ladder was quite a bit out of reach, but my years of watching parkour videos on Youtube had embolden me. I took a running start and kicked off the wall and took hold of the first rung. Unfortunately it was early October and a nice coating of dew had deposited itself on said rung. My hands slipped, and my feet, from the momentum, kicked up over my torso, and I landed head first on the pavement knocking myself out. I was found the next morning with my peepee hanging out.
adamschaub ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:34:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but my girlfriend.
Shopping for a Christmas gift for me, she goes to Macy's. Picks up a shoe from a display to look at it when a sales rep walks up and asks her what size she needs. Impulsively tells the rep my shoe size, even though she doesn't want the shoe she's currently holding. When the rep comes back with the shoe, gf is too embarrassed that she didn't stop the rep from going to get it that she buys the shoes she didn't want.
She went back to Macy's the next day to return them. The same sales rep processed the return.
Crakkerz79 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:43:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you thread for making me remember this horror story.
I was in university at the time and working the evening shifts at a Subway. I really enjoyed the job and chatting / ragging on customers. I was one of those types of employees that you remember serving you and go back to for the enjoyment.
This also made me a bit of a flirt.
Over the course of several months I got pretty friendly with this cute girl. She let slip that she had a boyfriend, but still proceeded to flirt. Many visits later she comes in sad. I take my break with her and find out they broke up.
I'm a nice guy, so I don't pounce immediately. I let her know that if ever she needed to talk or hang out with somebody to take her mind off it, she knew where to get a hold of me. The smile I got said that she would be taking me up on that.
Shortly after I decide to go skiing with friends at one of our local hills (living in Vancouver). The only way to the top is via gondola, and being a tourist trap it could be pricy. Me being a poor student figured I'd save $10 by saying I'm a student (high school).
Get to the gate, and it's her!
Her face lights up at the surprise and laughs at the role reversal. A brief chat (people waiting) and I tell her the fare I want. I was nervous at this point because I've never been the most confident with girls (ever in the friend zone), but figured what the hell, eh?
I ask her if she'd like to go out. Grab a dinner or coffee.
Her eyes drop.
"I'd like to, but... I think I'm a bit too old for you."
I ask her how old she is and she replies 22. No problem I think. I'm 23! And then I remember my clever ruse to save $10. Oh god! She thinks I'm 16 years old.
Rather than confess my idiotic plan and tell her my real age, I reply a weak "Oh...okay..." and walk-of-shame my way to the gondola. Our eyes meet one last time and we sadly wave goodbye.
I never saw her again.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:47:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
valkea ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:47:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shiiit. I hope you eventually got to sleep with Kelly!
e3crazyb ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 01:01:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a college halloween party at this frat house, and at around midnight i got way too drunk and puked off the porch in the front yard in front of a bunch of people. Embarrassed as ever i went to leave out the back door still feeling schwasted and when i got to the back porch there were people everywhere on the porch and stairs and instead of asking people to move i decided to jump the railing, i caught my foot on it as i went to jump over and landed face first on the ground in front of about 40 college kids. I just screamed WHOOOOOOO!!!! and walked away.....
half-blonde-princess ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 19:17:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't remember the word "Prosecco" to ask for assistance finding 'bubbly wine', and couldn't find any in the wine shop. I didn't want it to look like I was casing the joint, so to act like I was confident in my choices I bought a $30 bottle of Merlot (I don't like Merlot) and I've never gone back to that shop.
HydratedCake ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:14:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was one time when I started my period at community college and instead of just asking a fellow classmate if I could bum a tampon, I walked a mile to a grocery store to buy a box.
thathappyhippie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:18:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because my brain hates me, I have a weird fear of making phone calls. I screwed up on my car insurance and owed $500+ unless I did something like send in my past grades to get a discount. Instead of being a normal human being and calling the school to send over the transcripts, I found a way to send them by ordering them online from the school board in that county.
Apparently they never got my transcripts and now I have to call and do all of this again. I wasted $8 and cried a lot to have it all wasted. Life is gr8.
Stabfist_Frankenkill ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:27:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had some social anxiety issues.
Once, shortly after moving into my first house with some friends-of-friends as roommates, I was pretty hungry and could hear people talking and laughing in the livingroom. Rather than face walking out there and saying hi, grabbing some of my food from the kitchen, and going back to my room, I climbed out the window and walked 2 miles to the nearest gas station and bought a sandwich.
Shortly thereafter, I got a mini-fridge for my room. Problem "solved."
rootbeer4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:51:25 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really want a mini fridge and microwave for my desk at work to minimize my interactions with others.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:35:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom used to have friends over for book group when I was 11-12 and I mostly hid in my room while they were there (I guess I was awkward enough as it is). If I wanted anything from the kitchen I had to pass through the room they were all sitting in. To avoid acknowledging anyone, I would sprint from my room on the 2nd floor straight to the kitchen cabinet and then all the way back, assuming they just wouldnโt notice, but of course, they did since they had eyes and ears.
Hailstorm_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:36:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into the gym to run around the indoor track. I saw a guy that I just started dating playing basketball on the courts that sit in the middle of the track.
Instead of being normal and doing my workout, I was too concerned with looking like a loser while I run. I left the gym and walked 20 minutes to the other gym on campus.
thortastic ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:39:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school my crush asked me out and I literally thought he was joking so I kind of weirdly laughed it off and was like โhaha yeah suuuuuure.โ He looked really confused and kinda half laughed it off and walked away and then and only then did I realize what I had just done and I totally donโt lay awake at night cursing myself and my stupidity and social ineptitude
AgroTGB ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:54:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Showed up 5 minutes too later for class, went back home to avoid 10 seconds of embarrassment.
DearGodItHurts ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:57:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Year Eight, I had an Art teacher who kept calling me Daniel... my name doesn't even begin with D and there was no Daniel in my class, but this woman kept calling me Daniel (she sent a bit of paper round for us to sign and then she'd fill it in on a computer while we painted). I was too worried about embarrassing her to correct her so for 2 years I was called Daniel. I'm in 6th Form now and even when she sees me she calls me Daniel and it's just gone on too long to correct her now without it being so soul-crushingly awkward
widowmaker467 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:07:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Professional rock climber Alex Honnold started free soloing ( climbing without a rope, harness, or safety gear) because he was too socially awkward to ask people to belay him
sphereofcarbon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:13:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i have social anxiety and in a store, i will spend hours wandering around to avoid asking a worker
then there are the times where it hit me... this store doesnt have it so down goes hours of my life
violetscreams ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:13:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably too late, but after I started a new job I always went to take my break at the same cafรฉ since I didn't know anything else around so after a while the staff recognized me. One day the barista gave me a free coffee and I never went back after that. Free coffee is great and that was super nice of him but it didn't outweigh the horror of having to make small talk from then on.
Wildfireee ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:29:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During second year of University for my Media Arts degree, I accidentally walked into the wrong lecture theatre which was for a third year psychology class. I awkwardly sat through the whole thing and looked up the lecture notes for the one I was meant to attend later on.
GritCityBrewer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:40:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my first day of 7th Grade. During those days, the junior high schools were 7th-9th. To acclimate kids to junior high, 7th graders started school several days before the older kids. I was registered for mostly 8th grade level classes and so when I arrived to most of my classrooms, the doors were locked and no class in session. Rather than report to the office to figure things out, I wandered the halls aimlessly for days until the 8th/9th graders reported to school.
onepointwentyone ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:43:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Started dating a gal who lived in a studio apartment. One night my bowels were filled with turmoil and I didn't want to release hell with her right outside the bathroom. Walked a mile or two to the train station because nothing was open that had a toilet. The train station stalls cost money to get into (I'm guessing so the junkies can't get in?), and all I had was bills. So then I had to explain to the florist at the train station why I needed change. Best shit of my life.
BenTheNub ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:50:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once accidentally walked into an IHOP, next door to Culver's (where I really wanted to eat). I had my head down, looking at my phone between assignments at work, so I wasn't really paying attention. I walk in and the lady asks "how many?" I freeze, realizing I'm not in Culver's.
I sat alone in IHOP eating chicken fingers because it was too awkward to tell her I walked into the wrong restaurant.
Trillianishnessss ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:28:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many to choose from...
Spent a night on a picnic table to avoid inconveniencing anyone.
Waited enormous lengths of time for people who are extremely late and not mentioning it or pretending I just arrived as well.
Walking till my feet bled to do a favour.
Worst of all, I'll be single forever because I can't tell compliments from flirts so I basically ignore both and keep my head down....
BeerNcheesePlz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:29:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was driving back from the beach with my first serious boyfriend and his friend. I had to pee for 4 hours straight but was too embarrassed to ask them to pull over. Every single rest stop sign I saw I would try to pep myself up to ask, never happened. I don't know why I was so embarrassed, he had peed in a porta potty right before we got in the car. That was a long, painful ride.
Twwoo39 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:32:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a high rise and several of us leave around the same time (itโs not shift work so we can leave whenever). If I approach the elevator and someone is already there, theyโll ask โare ya headed out?โ Iโm like, nope pretty soon, just going to grab (office supplies). This has happened multiple times on the same day. I do have plenty of pens, paper clips, staples, and notepads at my desk, just in case anyoneโs wondering!
DJMu3L ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:52:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took a shit in my friends garden because I was too awkward to wait for our parents to get home
(I was like 7)
KingMelray ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:22:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in my early 20s and something like this is probably in my future.
SuaveUchiha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:41:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too awkward to wait? That doesn't even make sense lmao
Pvt-Shovel ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:53:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw an old friend from middle school at the train station. He was on the other side of the tracks and I didn't want to yell across to say wuddup and he didn't want to do it either so we ended up catching eye contact multiple times and idk it doesn't seem bad but I still remember it years later.
The_Blog ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:57:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my first day in 5th grade in a new school I walked to my classroom and noticed they had these weired door handles in the corridors leading to the complex. I didn't know how to open them and the door won't budge. I started panicking and running around the campus looking for another way. However all doors had this weird new handle thing.
So instead of asking someone I awkwardly waited around the corner till someone came by and opened it. Then I came around the corner and tried acting natural (aka sweaty and with a panicked look on my face) and move through with them, thanking them for holding the door open. Though when I tried to say something my throat was so dry I didn't get a word out and I just started coughing. The teacher who helped me through became really concerned with my health. That I got Asthma and no inhaler. Once I recovered I thankfully declined and moved on to my classroom.
When I finally got to my classroom I was 30 minutes late and nobody believed me. Btw. in the end you just needed to pull the door, I had pushed it the whole time. ._.
_eclair ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:00:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was playing on the monkey bars at school when I fell and landed on my wrist. I was about 8 years old and I remember it being excruciating painful. Turns out I broke my wrist. A teacher saw me holding my arm and visibly upset and asked if I was okay. My friend was with me too and for some reason I told the teacher we were acting. She walked off and I went the whole day not being able to move my wrist/hand. As soon as my mom picked me up from school I told her and she was like โwhat the hell is wrong with youโ and drove me to the ER.
James19709 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:15:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody waved goodbye to me and I waved with both hands. I'm still embarrassed.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:28:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a current one. I have my own office but my office bathroom is shared with my coworker whose office is next to mine. I love my in-office bathroom but I never use it because I'm super paranoid that my coworker can hear me pee. So, instead, I go all the way down to the first floor (from the sixth floor) to use this tiny bathroom that nobody ever uses. At least then I know that my coworker can't hear me pee and that students won't come into the bathroom and hear me pee.
Xalgenos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me so much of that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshal has anxiety about pooping at his work
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:46:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Legend017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've awoken in stairwells in dorms on the opposite side of campus from where I remembered being. College was fun.
Kimchismo ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 21:43:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll have answers for you right before I go to sleep.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:29:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm at the shops, if there are any people in the aisle, you can bet your ass I'm not going on that aisle
austrianwolf ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:55:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just this morning, in the parking garage. I pretended there was something wrong with my steering wheel cause I parked crooked and there were people coming in for work all around me. I waited till it was empty and re-parked my car.
valaistunut ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:05:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During the first night of my compulsory military service (Finnish) I was really anxious and was determined to get a good night of sleep; therefore I resorted to wearig earplugs to make sure I wouldn't hear any disturbing noise.
However, being too excited, I pushed the earplug (foam type) through the "bottleneck" of my ear so that it got actually stuck there... without hope of getting it out by hand
So, the normal guy would have shrugged it off and gone to the nurse in the morning so the plug could be removed with pincers or something. But it was the first day and I did not want to get reputation as the awkward guy of our platoon.
I spent the night panicking and trying to get it out of my ear tunnel without waking the others. Fortunately, after about 6 hours of scooping with my foot locker key I managed to remove it. By this point it was 4 am, and staying up coupled with slight panicking had taken their toll. Needless to say, with only 2 hours of sleep I was the least aware and most clumsy person during our platoon's first ever drill session...
Yruama ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to fill my car with gas, but when I chose the wrong gas pistol, I put it back to choose the right one. The problem is that when you put it back you have to put your credit card again in the card reader to start the process again. But I didn't know that. So when I took the right gas pistol nothing came out of it. Since someone was waiting in the queue to fill it's car and that I didn't want him to see me struggle, I basically pretended I was filling my car for some time and then drove away, without having filled my car.
baftap ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:47:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was really young (like 5 or 6) my mum said I could have one sweet before doing homework. I was so excited that I accidentally ate the wrapper and put the sweet in the bin. I didn't want to let her win, so I kept chewing.
irritatingRub ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:52:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my teachers had a good one. Staying abroad in Germany, he arrived home late from a night of heavy drinking and found the door to his host house locked. Not wanting to wake them up, he simply went to sleep on the cold, concrete garage floor...In the middle of German winter. Apparently when they found him in the morning he was cold, blue, and shivering.
curious3101 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 22:05:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was students coughing in an exam to distract each other and I actually needed to cough. Instead of looking like I was joining in, I did the most over the top cough/gag ever and everyone just turned round and stared at me and the exam officer came and stood right by me
BlackICEE32oz ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:43:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, my card wasn't working at a drive-thru. I told the lady that I needed to go get cash and then I drove off. Then I came back with the cash.
TyGeezyWeezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iv done this but it was because I didn't have any cash so I drove off and never returned lol. Told the lady I would be right back
BlackICEE32oz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:25:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's usually standard operating procedure for that sort of thing, but I had to prove to this lady that I wasn't lying.
TyGeezyWeezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmaooo
Drediat ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:58:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I locked myself outside of my school's environmental science building and inside it's garden. Instead of knocking on the door and asking the people 10ft away to let me back in, I waited an hour so people would forget I was out there and climbed the fence to get out.
evancfc ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:31:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is long past prime-time but this describes my life so much that I have to share at least one moment.
It's dumb, but I'm really bad at buying things that I feel like the person register might judge me for. I know that a lot of them don't even notice, but it's just a thing of mine.
So one day a couple years ago, when I played RuneScape a lot, I go to buy a RuneScape card at a pharmacy store (not something I did often, only one time before that). I wasn't really into the idea of people knowing that I played RS, so I thought in my head "If they ask about it, I'm going to say I'm buying it for my cousin." This was strongly reaffirmed when I saw that the girl at the cash register was pretty cute.
I give the card to her to ring up, hoping to everything that she doesn't say anything about it. Sure enough, she was a friendly person and says "Is this a game you play online or something?" Fuck. I didn't think she would actually say anything about it, so I was caught off guard and my lie of 'buying it for my cousin' came out super awkwardly and therefore unconvincingly. She asked me yet another question after that, and I felt so uncomfortable still lying about it that I stumbled hard over my response. To top the awkwardness off, I said "see ya later" as I was walking away, probably leaving her to think what I meant by "later."
I could've avoided all of this by just owning the fact that I played it.
-theuser- ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:37:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've told this before I think, but I was on holiday in Paris a few years back. No breakfast at the hotel, but there was an amazing little patisserie next door. The first two days I got some amazing pain au chocolat.
For some reason, going there three days in a row seemed...unreasonable/unacceptable to me, because the staff would notice and maybe talk shit to me/about me. So on the third day, I instead dragged my poor girlfriend off in another direction thinking we would find something else. But nope, it was a Sunday, and nothing was open. So for a few incredibly fraught hours we walked around getting increasingly hangry.
At one point we found a Hungarian restaurant, but they weren't really open yet and there was no breakfast food on there. Paid 15 euro for two cups of orange juice then made some lame excuse and resumed our trek.
After goodness-knows how long we did find somewhere selling baguettes, but the day was pretty much fuckin' ruined. All because I thought a baker would somehow judge us for going three days in a row.
into-thesky ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:45:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the gym, dude changing in front of my locker so I pretended to look in other lockers while I waited for him to change and leave. He took a very long time and I ended up looking in all the lockers, he asked if I was trying to find something and I said my bag is missing. Couldn't get my bag for 10 minutes so I sat on my iPod (old non working iPhone) And pretended to ask my friend if he moved it.
I'm real awkward
werekitty93 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 23:55:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, I was on an RP website and pretended I was English thinking "there's no way I'll ever see these people in person, so what's the harm?" Several years pass and now I have a best friend and bf on this site, both who think I'm English. I wrote each a letter to reveal my lie and that I had let it go on so long because I felt like it would've been too awkward to admit sooner.
We're still friends and he's my fiancรฉ now.
Mhostly_Ghostly ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:04:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a first year in college changing in my room when I heard one of my roommates use her keycard to start coming in. It didn't even occur to me that I could warn her I was naked so I just jumped into our closet.
It was a tiny closet with no light and I couldn't get dressed without making noise so I just tried to wait it out but apparently she had brought friends!!! So I began my extremely unwanted naked eavesdrop mission. They were chatting for a while until they decided to get dinner and I thought I had earned my freedom.
THEN I hear "lemme just grab my coat" as she starts walking towards the closet [INSERT PANIC] & I basically bang my hand against the door and go "I'm uh... in here" which of course meant that everyone stopped talking and left the room and never brought it up to me again.
The worst part is that she would probably never even believe the truth if I told her because we had a very nude friendly room and had all seen each other naked. My only excuse is that I'm just very prone to panic.
hagamablabla ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:04:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, there was an English class that required us to get a normal textbook and a workbook of problems. I forgot to get a workbook at the beginning of the year, but by the time I realized it was already halfway through the semester. I chose to just fail every assignment from that workbook instead of just admitting I hadn't picked it up, and the teacher never questioned it.
Fiddle_Stix69 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:08:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A regular customer held out her hand for her change. I shook it and said "Hi I'm Fiddle_Stix69."
Everytime she came in after that, I had to get busy cleaning something so someone else would serve her.
stargayzer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:14:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let my nose run without wiping it.
I'm on my stomach getting acupuncture, and not able to move my arms because of the pins, and my nose starts running... through the face hole of the massage table onto the floor. Only my snot is just perfectly viscous enough that it just slowly, slowly stretches and doesn't even hit the floor. It's just hanging there. I'm paralyzed with fear.
The acupuncturist comes back into the room to ask if everything is ok, but doesn't see my problem. I just can't find the words - it's too involved (if I ask for a tissue, how will I even use it? Will she have to wipe it for me... etc.) it's too much. So I ignore it and try to lie there and block it out, even though I'm getting so uncomfortable and want to wipe my nose so bad.
Finally acupuncturist comes back again, notices and I'm mortified. She put a tissue in my hand and rearranged my arm so I could wipe the now like foot-long snot trail hanging from my face.
hoogar33 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:17:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to take a 3 hour train ride. It was late November or early December, not sure exactly. Now, the thing with trains that I take is they are really old, yet they are really, really warm during the cold months. A bit too warm, as I usually sweat while wearing short sleeves. Anyway, I got on the train, and entered a crowded wagon, so I kept walking, hoping I would find a less crowded one. Not only did I find a nearly empty wagon, but it was also cold. "Sweet!", I thought to myself, "No people and no sweating! Yay! Must be this empty because the heating probably died here". I sat there, and the conductor came soon to check the tickets. After checking some people's tickets, they all left the wagon, except for one guy. So the conductor finally comes to me and asks me for my ticket. I hand it to him and he tells me to move to a different wagon as the heating is out on this one. "Don't worry", I said, "I like it here, I'm good." and then he left.
All this happened barely 15 minutes in. The only other guy who stayed on the cold wagon got off the train soon and I was left alone in that huge ass freezing metal coffin on rails. 30 minutes into my 3 hour ride, I realized "Fuck, it really is cold in here. Maybe I should go to a wagon with heating..." And then I remembered I told the conductor I liked it there, so my dumb ass somehow came to a conclusion that nearly getting frostbite was better than moving to a warmer wagon just because of what I said to the conductor.
I can be such a fucking idiot at times.
tl;dr: I was freezing my ass off for 3 hours because I didn't want to move to a warmer spot, just because I told the conductor I liked the cold.
literheature ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 00:18:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a sleepover when I was 14/15 and got my period. I was wearing white jeans, and since it only seeped through a little, no one could tell if I just pressed my legs together. Luckily, I had a pair of bright pink booty shorts that I had brought to sleep in, so I just changed into those as fast as I could. When everyone was asleep, I snuck out into the laundry room with my jeans and gave it a good wash. I then proceeded to hang them out to dry with the existing clothes on the clothesline, thinking it wouldn't be that suss. In the morning, I went out to collect my jeans and all the clothes had been taken down by my friend's dad. I was too embarrassed to ask for my jeans back or tell my friend I had gotten my period, so I ate breakfast with my friend's family, thanked her parents, and took a one hour train trip back home all in fucking neon pink booty shorts.
Capt_Gingerbeard ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:22:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I held a fart for 6 hours while hanging out with a girl I had a crush on. When she left, I pushed it all out at once and shit my pants.
hellish-relish ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:24:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For an entire semester I let an ENTIRE lecture hall class call me Colleen. My name is Erin. One girl misheard me in day one, introduced me as that name to her group of friends. And so my life as Colleen began.
Mandala_Eyes ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:24:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My landlord lives right next to us. He called my wife the wrong name and we never corrected him... It's been about two years now and we talk every day.
Miamicanes460 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:24:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in second grade, my desk had no chair at it. Instead of being a normal human, I decided to fake sit on air as if there was an actual chair beneath me.
SmarterAdult ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:24:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was sick and had that cough where you need to cough every 5 min. I had coughed so much in my math class I decided I should stop annoying everyone and try to hold it in... 15 min later I had to cough sooo badly but kept holding it in. Then a sneeze started coming on while I was choking on my cough. I coughed and sneezed at the EXACT same time. (No, not one after the other.) It was such a strange and terrible feeling, like my head was exploding. The lecture stopped and the class went silent, a few kids asked me if I was "ok". I was not. I have no idea what sound I made but it did not sound like a sneeze or a cough but more like a pig being slaughtered. I was mortified and coughed regularly again after that.... High school sucked
khendar ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:00:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought a $3 tackle box from the hardware store. On the way out to the car I noticed that the latch was broken and wouldn't stay closed. Used that broken box for years because I didn't want to have to deal with going back in to exchange it .
I'm better now.
t_rex_pushups ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:03:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our next door neighbors installed a backyard floodlight that shines across their yard and right at our bedroom window. At first I thought of asking them to adjust the angle like a normal person but it's been 7 years and we just keep the blind closed.
RamenTheory ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:03:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I went into Pet CO. just to use the bathroom and when I was leaving the automatic doors weren't opening. I backed up, walked forward, hopped a little, and they still weren't opening. So I stepped to the side and took my phone out (and tried to look busy on it even though I was just playing 2048) and waited until somebody else tried to leave the store so I could see what they would do. I stood there for like 8 minutes until finally a pair of people who had just finished checking out walked through the automatic doors adjacent to the ones I was trying to use.
theyoyoha ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:04:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
after accidentally taking a shit in a broken toilet, i spent 4 hours at a dinner party meticulously guarding the door before eventually lifting the turd out of the toilet (onto a bed of toilet paper) with some fireplace tools i found in an adjacent room, then stuffing it deep into a trashcan in the kitchen.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:05:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
brendadickson ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:08:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow, what terrible people.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:18:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that probably means she just didn't want you there to begin with. That's horrible that they didn't even let you come back inside to wait for your mother.
Minnowmitly ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:09:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went through 5th-12th grade never eating hot lunch. I forgot my PIN number in 5th grade, so that was the first year. 6th grade rolls around I relearn my pin # but was too full of anxiety to go through the line, I didn't want to fuck up when everyone else already had a year of experience. Every year it got worse, to the point where I didn't even realize there was a problem.
Quick1711 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:12:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I ever walked up to a band after a club show I was extremely awkward and tripped over my words and said to this up and coming band
"You need to come back when you're better"
I meant "bigger" but the words were out there. The band gave me the look of utter disgust and the lead singer looked pissed.
I tried to retract but it wasn't happening and I walked away feeling really embarassed.
The band? Limp Bizkit.
In hindsight it was possibly the coolest thing I ever did.
bkr4f ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:12:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was too embarrassed to correct someone when they introduced me to a group as a visitor from Scotland and spent the next 2 years switching on a fake accent when I encountered any of the people in clubs.
ThePrevailer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:13:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awkward 19 year old me got asked out by hot 30 year old barrista way back in the day. She took me to a movie and dinner at a bar then invited me back to her place.
You can guess what happened next ;)
That's right. I made awkward, totally oblivious conversation for ten minutes before "welp, I better get going"ing my way home.
Poor girl. She had to have been so confused.
ArcKade ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:23:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been with my wife for 5 years, been married for two. I've never once called her parents by their name. Or mom or dad. Or anything.
manderdander ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:32:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a law firm that had office space shared with a much larger firm. The office was on the fourth floor. Whenever anyone was waiting for the elevator, I would take the stairs. Sometimes I would run up to see if I could beat the elevator (stupid, I know).
One day the partner of the larger firm is waiting for the elevator with a group of people, so I take the stairs. I ran as fast as I could to see if I could beat the elevator, I didn't and he is walking in right in front of me. I am hoping that he doesn't notice me because I am out of breath, and I imagine a little red. We enter the reception area and the receptionist greets both of us, he turns, "You got up here really fast, did you run!?" My reply (obviously out of breath), "No, I walked." Then I proceeded to awkwardly walk passed him and the receptionist without saying another word. Felt really dumb, just happy he wasn't my boss.
thecanadianjen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:52:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was finally meeting my other halfs friends for the first time. This is his best friend in the whole world and another close friend. I've worked myself up and am so nervous I can't really think straight. All I keep thinking is I need to make a good impression because I love my then boyfriend.
His friend comes up and smiles and says his name and asks how I am liking the UK. I turn bright red and blurt out "I'm so awkward". I straight up shouted this at him. It was mortifying and I don't know why those words came out. I didn't say anything else for like an hour after that.
Luckily the friends found it endearing and not thinking I'm a complete weirdo.
layoxx ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:57:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In an elementary school assembly I tied my shoelaces to the opposite shoe, essentially tying my feet together, because I was bored. I tied the knots too tight and spent several minutes panicking and trying to untie my shoelaces before the end of the assembly.
I didn't.
Since I was very quiet and well behaved (read: freaking out) I got called on to fetch something from the classroom for the rest of the classes. I have no idea how I faked being able to walk normally out of the cafeteria, or if the teacher was just mean and wanted to laugh at a kid that couldn't walk right (probably). I got out of the cafeteria and then couldn't make it to the classroom because my fucking feet were tied together. So I hid in a nearby bathroom. I didn't know how to admit to a teacher that I had tied my feet together and for all I knew I was trapped that way from then on.
I refused to come out of the bathroom because I was too scared of being found out (what). A teacher found me, started yelling at me for ditching my responsibility of getting whatever it was from the class, but couldn't get me out of the bathroom. I figured, getting in trouble for being bad was better than telling an adult I had fucking tied my feet together
They called my mom, who assumed I was acting out because she was divorcing my father, and not that I had tied my feet together. She made me go to therapy to work through my feelings about the divorce.
I had forgotten all about all of it until a few months ago when my mom and I were talking about the whole divorce and how it affected my childhood. She reminded me of all of it, and asked about what set off the whole freakout.
At 30 years old I still could not tell my mother that I had simply tied my fucking feet together
shaggymule ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:37:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story by Douglas Adams is possibly the best example of British awkwardness I have ever heard:
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person is me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. Iโd gotten the time of the train wrong. I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table. I want you to picture the scene. Itโs very important that you get this very clear in your mind. Hereโs the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. Thereโs a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase. It didnโt look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it. Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. Thereโs nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies. You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you knowโฆ But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do aclue in the newspaper, couldnโt do anything, and thought, What am I going to do?
In the end I thought Nothing for it, Iโll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, That settled him. But it hadnโt because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie. Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. โExcuse me, I couldnโt help but noticeโฆโ I mean, it doesnโt really work.
We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away. Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and st back.
A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies. The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy whoโs had the same exact story, only he doesnโt have the punch line.
dogchow01 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:40:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a shopping mall by myself. In front of an electronic store, a person's back was facing me. I recognized it as a good friend. So I tapped him on the shoulder and said 'hi!'.
The guy turned around. It was not my friend. I was going to apologize, but the guy proceeded to say 'hey, what a coincidence!'.
I was surprised. But the guy started to look a little familiar. Maybe he was indeed someone from work or somewhere. So I proceeded to say 'yeah' and went into a small talk, shoot the shit routine, while trying to frantically recall who this guy was!
I think a few minutes in, we both realized we didn't know each other. We both looked visibly confused, but politely continued on with our meaningless small talk. The moment of revealing our own mistake and apologizing has long passed. We were forced to carry on our awkward conversation with each other for what seemed like eternity.
Finally, there was a long pause. And we said, 'nice seeing you!' and 'hope to see you around sometime!'. And we parted ways never to see each other again.
Lihai ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:15:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a local Jamaican restaurant and the lady behind the counter thought I was her masseuse. She started telling me about a recent surgery. I was confused and so just played along and nodded. The next time I went in she started talking about her back again and said she was going to make an appointment with me soon. Her co worker then asked if I was a masseuse and I said yes because the lady was listening and nodding and it would have been awkward to say "actually, I'm not." The lady asked if she could call my office and make an appointment. I nodded, grabbed my food and ran away. I can never eat there again.
coolerdog ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:39:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was in the bathroom at school and this girl comes in and she's sort of sniffling. I figure, ok, you know, she's probably having a rough day. I'll give her some privacy and wait until she leaves before I come out of the stall. I didn't like the class I was missing anyway. So I wait for five minutes, and then she calls her mom on the phone. And she pours her fucking heart out about how she can't handle this anymore, and the phone is loud enough for me to hear her mom, and they start to argue. I have now been in the bathroom for fifteen minutes, and she's been in there for ten. I give it another five minutes, hoping it'll wind down, because now it's been too long and I know the girl would be mortified if I just walk out of the stall after 10 minutes of accidentally eavesdropping on her emotional breakdown. After 5 more minutes, she ends the phone call, and five minutes after that her friend comes in. "Is there anyone else in here?" "I don't think so, I've been in here a while and no one's come in." So she pours her heart out to her friend. It's been 25 minutes. I text my friend to come in and use the bathroom, hoping they'll leave if someone comes in. They don't. My brave friend and I sit next to each other in two adjacent stalls texting each other silently trying to figure out what to do, because these girls somehow think that now that my friend is in the stall, she can't hear them, so they started up again. Finally my friend says "fuck it" and we both exit the stalls and wash our hands and leave and I desperately hope they didn't notice that one more left than came in. TL;DR I spent nearly 45 minutes sitting with my bare ass on a school toilet while a girl had an emotional breakdown in a public bathroom and I couldn't leave because I tried to give her space and accidentally eavesdropped on her various conversations about her problems, and the longer I stayed the more fucked up it would be for me to just get up and leave, because she didn't know I was there in the first place.
Nglhubbrich ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:50:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We were doing renos in our house and we bought a bunch of stuff from both lowes and Home Depot one morning. One of the things was a sink from Home Depot that didn't end up fitting so later that day I went to take it back. Being the absent minded dipshit I am, I took it back to lowes. I set it down at customer service and tell the nice lady that I would like to return the sink and start looking in my wallet for the receipt. She's looking at the box and says "are you sure you bought this here? We don't carry this brand." I assure her that yes I bought it there earlier that day as I'm still looking for the receipt. I don't know if maybe it had happened before or she just knew which sinks were sold where but she knew exactly what had happened, but she was cool and was trying to subtly hint to me that I probably bought it somewhere else. I remember thinking to myself "wow, I'm not a complete moron. I think I know where I bought a friggen sin-" I see the receipt in my wallet with a big "Home Depot" logo on it. Jesus. Christ. What do I do now!?!? So I look down at the sink and trying to act surprised I go "oh wait, shit this is the wrong sink! I must've grabbed the wrong one on my way out of the house" awkward chuckle "I'll be right back" utterly embarrassed and wanted to redeem myself so I hatched a plan. I promptly drive across the city to another lowes, buy a sink, drive back to original lowes and head to customer service. Put the sink down hand her the receipt. She smiles and makes some joke like "brought the right one this time?" And I'm thinking my plan is foolproof so I just play along. She does her thing, gets me to sign, she doesn't really say much else and I'm feeling pretty good like I just pulled a fast one on this lady and she totally bought it!!! I'm laughing all the way back to my truck and I get in and look down at the receipt. She wrote thanks and a smiley face...RIGHT BESIDE THE TIME OF THE TRANSACTION!!! In my embarrassment riddled brain I never even thought about the time being on the receipt and she probably seen that shit right off the hop! She knew exactly what I had done.
I have not been back to that lowes even though it's only 5 mins from my house and the other one is on the other side of the city.
I_Miss_Lex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:50:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad sent me to the store to get a new dog collar once. So I did but it turned out to be the wrong size (too small), he asked me to take it back and get a bigger sized one, too anxious to ask the store keeper for an exchange, I threw it in the trash on the way there and bought another with my own money. I needed help!
JoJoPanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:50:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
massivebumwizard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:27:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely the only solution that makes sense.
AgenteMiguelito ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 14:24:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once tried to hold a door open for a lady but it was an automatic sliding door. Unfortunately I had already started to reach to hold the door open when it slid away, so rather than laughing it off and carrying on with my life unhaunted by my own awkwardness, I instead stood in the entrance holding open an invisible door and gestured her to walk past me. She did, after taking a long, hard look at my face, presumably in case she needed to describe it to the police later.
RenegadeCookie ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:39:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My very first job out of college was in the IT department at a local bank. It wasn't just help desk, it was real infrastructure stuff, so I was pretty excited. I wanted to make a good first day impression with my manager and coworkers. Naturally, day one, hour one, I felt the need to take a shit. I don't know what I ate that morning, but I could tell it was a nasty one. My manager was in the middle of explaining some of the infrastructure to me, and I didn't want to miss it, so I held it since he seemed to be wrapping up. I was right, but at that point, he said we were going into a security presentation he was giving for the next hour or so. Instead of doing the normal thing and saying, "Ok, I just need to go to the restroom first," I said, "Ok, sounds good!" I followed him a small conference room where a dozen other people were and sat in anal pain for the next hour holding back what I could feel was a deluge of wet gassy ass-blast, hoping I wasn't sweating too obviously.
As a bonus, since I was the new guy, I got to introduce myself to the whole table of like 15 people while I held the dam clamped shut.
tacosarefuckingfake ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:56:25 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first year in high school I was in Spanish class and my teacher asked me to go next door and get some blank workbooks. I left the room and realised there was a class in session in the room I was supposed to go in. So me being an awkward fuck just kinda stood outside my door for a few seconds before coming back in and saying they didnโt have any. This would have been alright except for the fact that our classroom door has a fucking window and he watched the whole thing and made me go back and actually get some.
BockerLoz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:56:38 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I physically cringed
Rhinofreak ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:21:13 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god! It hurts!
gigastack ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 19:38:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make a wrong turn when I'm a half-block from my destination. Immediately realize it. Instead of doing a 180, I instead walk to the end of the block, make a right, end of that block, make a right, end of that block, make a right, end of that block, make the correct left I should have made originally.
This was not a one time thing. I probably did it dozens of times as a teenager until I outgrew it.
Sithlord4 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 18:49:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a girl at my job I was crushing on really hard, the super adorable girl next door type. I was running up to the employee bathroom and the way it's set up is when you get to the top of the stairs you go right and from there straight ahead for the men, right again for the ladies. I saw her coming out from the corner of my eye and just walked to the urinal before I got there she called out to me. I looked at her like a deer in the headlights and started acting like I had just been possessed. From the noises and going as far as to get on the floor and twitch around. We both laughed our asses off and went on our merry way afterwards. No matter how old you get, lethal amounts of adorable will make you do very stupid things.
SpeckleLippedTrout ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:16:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. So when I was 14 in my freshman year of high school, a guy asked me to be his girlfriend. Now I was young and innocent so that basically Meant just holding hands and sitting together at lunch. He invited me over to meet his family about a week in, and his mom was very excited to make me lasagne. Now I HATE lasagne. I could have said that and avoided everything, since he had told me a day in advance. But I wanted his mom to like me, so I said nothing. Fast forward to dinner, where a steaming hot pile of lasagne sits in front of me as I visibly gag. I continue gagging and choking the slice down, like to the point where there are tears in my eyes. I am crying because I hate lasagne. I just tell his Mom I have an allergy to dogs and that the lasagne is delicious. It was horrible
We broke up a week later, but we are still quite Close several years later, and all of our friends still give me shit about the lasagne.
badashly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"A steaming hot pile of lasagna" ๐๐๐๐
noonetovotenoon ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:31:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed an exam and really screwed my overall grade because I didn't have the balls to tell the garage they were taking too damn long for a simple oil change. This will haunt me forever.
chazzapompey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:31:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sat through a 2 hour lecture on HIV because I was too awkward to ask whether I had the right class for film studies
rdong ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:42:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I moved in at the same time another person was moving in. We greeted each other and had a short, nice conversation. However, my new neighbor remembered my name the first time around and I completely forgot hers.
Its been 2 months now and I try to avoid her because I don't know her name but when my neighbor sees me, she calls my by name.
NotTodaySatan1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:50:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really short, and in college I used to take the shuttle from my apartment to campus. One day I was the only one on the bus, the driver didn't see me immediately where I was sitting, so he pulled over for a smoke. I didn't know what to say, and honestly didn't care, so I was just like okay I'll just wait til he's done. He noticed me about half way through his cig, put it out, and finished his route. Neither of us said a word to each other about it.
ForUsForThem ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:15:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take the wrong exit on the highway because I got in that lane accidently and too ashamed to move back in case the people behind me mutter "idiot" under their breaths
historyinthe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:18:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a girl's apartment and her parents came home. She told me that her Dad was picking her up, and that he would kill me if he saw me. So I proceeded to hide in her bathroom, on the floor, of her bathtub. 30 minutes later, I still can hear people outside the bathroom, and I'm just praying no one walks in, since it would now be even more awkward, especially if the girl had gone and couldn't explain to her family why I was there. I waited for over 5 hours it seemed, just lying on the bathtub floor. When I eventually came out, the apartment was empty, and it was dark outside. It took me 2 hours to get home, and it was 2am, all the streets were deserted. Normally I would have been afraid since I was younger, but I celebrated my luck the whole way home. I knew it could have been much much worse.
ancientpulsar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:28:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didnโt close the cafe for an hour because a couple of people in the corner where having a conversation.
fluffythegreat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:35:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost got into a gay relationship when someone slid into my DMs and started hitting on me. We talked for two days before I finally got the courage to tell him Iโm not into men.
Also I felt like a jerk even though he seemed okay after I told him.
CZILLROY ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:37:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived with people I didn't know very well and I skipped work and stayed home. I was sitting in my room and I heard my roommates say "where's czillroy, his shoes are here" and the other roommate says "I heard him leave today, so he probably has other shoes" so I just laid in bed all day and quietly watched movies on my phone. I didn't eat all day and I peed in a bottle in my room and in hindsight I have no idea why I didn't just act normal.
fostekka ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:42:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forgot to do something for a client at work , then went on holiday. Then when I got home, remembered, told him I'd done it, then realised my partner had shredded the paperwork required, but couldn't ask for it again as said that I'd done it so not to look incompetent. Ignored the client out of awkwardness and telling the truth. Company lost the client. No one knows what really happened, I just told my colleagues and the board that he'd been given a better deal and we couldn't compete. Still freak out about it daily.
lifesmaash ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:50:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waiting for my to-go order in a crowded taco shop and they skipped my number and called like the next 25-30 orders over the next half hour. I left without my $10 food.
Rhuey13 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:04:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah I can finally distribute a story to one of these threads. So last summer my band was playing a gig at a local club. It's a decent sized place on the edge of a shitty part of town. My girlfriend told me she wanted to come to the show. I warned her it would be a lot of weird metalheads and shitty moshers but she still wanted to come. Now it's the day of the show. She told me she was on her way so I knew she was coming. The set starts and a couldn't see her. After we were done and I loaded up my gear, I grab my phone and see missed calls from her. Turns out she had so much social anxiety that she couldn't go in by herself. There were people there she knew but didn't want to ask someone to walk her in so she just sat in her car and cried
FencingFemmeFatale ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:06:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took the time to google what isle in a store Iโd find something I was looking for, instead of asking one of the employees like a normal person.
miette010 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait...you can do that? I may be able to shop less awkwardly now.
FencingFemmeFatale ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:22:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For certain stores, yes. My google search took me to the online target store and itโll tell you what isle has certain items. Only works for in-store items though.
hipplofearth ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:07:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In highschool, I took a bus ride two hours long (from my house) to this girl who I was interested in. I spent a good half hour with her and her friends at her school and said goodbye. Being the idiot that I was (still am), I thought I had two bus tickets with me. I didn't. I didnt have any money, or debit card with me either. I was too embarrassed to go back and ask for fare so I did what any crazy kid would do. I walked 5+ hours home. Heh.
TheStayHomeDad ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:56:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On our first date (lucky lady is now my wife of 10 years!). At the end of the date, I shook her hand and then said bye while turning around and walking to car to go home.
Deadrademon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:58:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would walk to the next aisle over if the aisle I wanted was packed, (2+ people), instead of asking to go through.
Bozwelox ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:00:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger and would hang out at a friend's house, I'd be too embarrassed to ask for a glass of water so I would instead go to the restroom and drink from the faucet.
tentacleyarn ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:02:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, my older sister had a pet parakeet, and kept it in our shared bathroom. I was maybe 10 years old, and kind of afraid of the bird. The door was closed because she would let it roam free from it's cage in the bathroom. At night, I'd be too afraid to use the bathroom to pee, and too scared to go all the way to the downstairs bathroom in the dark. Because we had an alarm system, sometimes the stair sensors would be on and if I went down the alarm would go off, waking my parents. The third bathroom was in my parent's room, and their door was always closed. So, I would grab a towel, fold it up, and pee on that. And keep it in my closet.
BarkDog3 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:02:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a Montessori school for preschool and kindergarten and out of the four bathroom stalls in the classroom only one had a door. (I don't know why, weird Montessori stuff) I was worried about pooping in the doorless stalls (and admittedly the one with the door as well) and since you can do essentially whatever you want in Montessori classes, including just sitting down, I would sit on a bench, poop in my pants, and then just wait there the rest of the day until my mom picked me up. This happened pretty regularly. For three years...
teteliotai ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:06:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I drove to a second Taco Bell because I forgot to order something and didn't want to risk going back through the drive through or risk the drive through worker seeing me in the restaurant again.
robbiegreen ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:15:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It started on my first day of middle school. I was starting 5th grade and was a bus rider. I was a shy, awkward and quiet kid (still am as an adult) and was terrified of riding a new bus with new people. I get picked up and step on the bus and was overcome with an absurd amount of anxiety about where I was going to sit (I still get this on airplanes).
So I'm walking down the aisle trying not to make eye contact with anyone and not trip over myself. I spot a seat or 2 that are open, but have someone sitting in them. I decide to keep my options open and continue to the back looking for a completely empty seat. I get all the way to the back and realise I have to turn back now. At this point the bus is driving down the road, I'm wanting to throw up from anxiety and feel like I will look dumb for walking all the way back up to one of the open seats.
So from there I lay my backpack down and sit on the floor at the very back of the bus behind the last row of seats close to the fire exit door. This continued for another month or 2 and not a single person seemed to notice. Until one day the kids in the back row made some dumb joke that made me laugh. They got quiet and my heart dropped. Then four 8th grade kids looked behind the seats to see me sitting in the floor and then they ask me what I'm doing there.
After that moment, I started actually sitting on the bus like a normal kid because I didn't want to get questioned more by the 8th graders.
rajolev ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:15:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Held back a cough in 5th grade class, I guess I was super red too, teacher looked at me and asked if I was okay and as soon as I tried to talk just a huge coughing fit. Could of given an ah-hem but instead made myself into a lobster and teacher put the classes attention on me there for a minuet so everyone heard and saw my lobster ass hacking up a lung
FEmaleironman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:16:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a deli and ordered a warm chicken baguette then was presented at the till with 2 cooked whole chickens. Instead of correcting the mistake paid for both chickens and had to go buy a sandwich elseware.
drunkweed ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:17:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you're in a public restroom stall and there's someone in the stall next door to you they always seem to want to finish up and walk out the same exact time as you. I've literally sat back down and waited for them to leave.
mc_mackdaddy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:36:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got these shoes at a yard sale and they were really dusty and dirty so I needed to wash them. Ran them through the sink with soap (they were just canvas vans so I thought it was fine) and decided the best way to dry them was to hang them from the ceiling in the bathroom using a coat hanger and tying the laces together so they went through the flat of the hanger. Then, have a candle underneath and a fan blowing on them thinking the heat plus the air blowing would dry them off faster. I called my mom to ask for a lighter and once I explained my pure genius plan she called me an idiot and told me to throw them in the drying machine. I was 16.
DebateJockey ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:37:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school I was, at least I feel I was, above normal levels of cringe. I was also interested in girls like some young boys that age. After I got over my crush on Sarah (or maybe Olivia?) I started crushing hard on the new girl, pretty round face and long brown hair. Lucky for me it was really close to Valentineโs Day so when the day came I brought myself to ask her to be my Valentine during art class. She declined my offer and, due to a couple days of pressure with anxiety over the situation building up, my body just released that anxiety suddenly jutting my leg out and hitting the chair next to me. Realizing that it just looked like I kicked the chair out of anger, I remember attempting an apology and scuttling away after letting out a small โoww.โ Talking to girls was still difficult for years to come. I try to forget those years, too much for me to handle.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:00:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok. This happened a decade ago and Iโm still disgusted with myself thinking about it. I have mild social anxiety, but Iโm always trying to battle through it (drug free).
I once was invited to a shindig at a friendโs house, but I was not opening up well. I just wanted to hide. Having a job to keep me busy helps so I volunteered to wash dishes after the dinner. I cleaned the whole kitchen. Then sorted the pantry. I was sweeping the mud room before I realized I really needed to learn when to say when. I said goodbye to my friend and ran away. I am not normal.
__under_score__ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:05:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was chilling in my car at an intersection when I saw a dude in the car behind me looking directly at me. I get slightly uncomfortable when people just flat out stare at me like that so I just act busy. I tried to check to see if the light turned green because the van in front of me was barely blocking it. I moved my head to the left and hit it hard on the glass. I just see the dude behind me burst out laughing. needless to say I got away from that car after that intersection.
cbearmcsnuggles ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:11:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate once set the child lock on the cable box (to require a password during certain hours) because he was too awkward to tell the rest of us how much it annoyed him when we watched TV early in the morning, and ask us to stop like a normal person.
Kodaco ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:13:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate a meal at a Mexican restaurant when all I wanted was to use the bathroom.
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it good?
Kodaco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it was pretty good. The queso was especially on point.
Colorblocked ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:15:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first moved out of my parent's house, I didn't know how to cook. I had my boyfriend over and offered to make a cheese omelet. I did not realize cheese came wrapped in plastic so when the plastic started to turn green and melt along with the cheese in the omelet pan, I scraped it to one side. I served him the "non-green" eggs and I ate the green ones.
Kraymur ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:24:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in line at a grocery store with my mom when I was younger, and she had forgotten something and did the best thing she thought of to do at the time, leave me in line with the groceries and no money to go trudging through the store looking for whatever item she had forgotten. The other people get finished and i'm just standing there with a middle aged woman who looks like she's about to eat me because i'm holding up the line, 5 minutes pass and I walked out of the store.
DarthMaltBalls ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:30:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend came to my house with his mom driving to pick me up and take me to have a sleep over at his house. When I went to put my bag in the trunk I found out pretty soon that the hydraulics on the trunk were broken, so as I leaned in the trunk came down full weight on my head. As it happened they yelled from inside the car "watch out for the trunk". Well I hopped in pretending I wasn't in pain when they asked if it hit me, considering the thud was probably audible from inside the car. Well we drove for about 30 minutes before my friend turned around and looked at me to see that my forehead was bleeding down my shirt. I did my best to hide it but it was a pretty deep cut. We spent the next hour cleaning it up and I had to pretend I was a superhuman who didn't feel pain instead of admitting I got cracked by the latch of a trunk. Good times
zombiefatcher ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:31:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend's mom started yelling about all of his friends eating their food. I knew she wasn't referring to me, but I happened to have been in their kitchen and just made 2 hot dogs. I heard her coming, so my reaction was to put 2 hot dogs in my pockets and run out of the kitchen. She didn't see me thank god, but that was probably the strangest way I've ever reacted to something.
flowkitty ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:33:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is pretty embarrassing but here goes.
I used to live with my ex boyfriend and his dad (who acted like a 20 year old frat boy). They would have poker night every Thursday in the dining room right outside my room, and I hated it because it was a bunch of dirty old men who would harass me and hit on me if I walked out there.
I drink a ton of water and have to pee constantly, so I would literally pee in a bucket in my room to avoid them, and then dump the bucket in the toilet at the end of the night when they left.
Honestly, it was worth it. No regrets.
Wurps ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:01:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
name checks out
kyhle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:44:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once forgot where the exit was in a restaurant bathroom, so I accidentally walked - very confidently - into another stall after washing my hands, realizing a little too late and had already managed to close the door behind me. There was a pretty long line outside (this was the ladies room after all), so I just pretended to having to use the bathroom again, just standing very still and eventually flushing. Felt too embarassed too leave until I felt sure that everybody who had noticed (and loudly commented to their friends) what had just happened had left or gone into their own stalls. Ran out. Still haven't gotten over it 4 years later.
Throvv-Away ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:47:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the elementary school I went to, we had a program where some kids could choose to stay in school after regular classes if both of their parents were working. Most of my class participated in this program, but I didn't as I had a stay-at-home mother. The children who did went to a second lunch a few minutes after school released for everyone else, and they walked through the corridor where the wardrobe rooms were (we stored winter shoes and coats there).
For some reason, I was too embarrassed to change in front of my classmates (even though all I had to do was change my shoes and put on a coat), so I had to avoid them somehow while they walked to the lunchroom. I could go to the other end of the corridor past the cafeteria, but then I'd have to walk by the security guard who was always sitting there, which was also awkward, so I instead chose to hide under the stairs. My class would go down these so it was always terrifying to consider the possibility of someone looking behind the stairs while I'm crouching there; thankfully that never happened for the months I spent doing it until my mother signed me up for the program too.
leera07 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:51:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran a 12 mile race in September. My car was parked 4 miles from the finish line, but there was a water taxi free for participants and one of the stops was right near where my car was parked. I couldnโt find where the water taxi stop was, and instead of just asking someone I walked four more miles in the pouring rain.
NattyBroh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:53:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...Baltimore?
leera07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep :)
NattyBroh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:21:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha my coworker ran in that - the weather that day was nasty!
throwaway515161161 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:51:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We were carving stuff into linoleum for art class. I slipped and sliced right into my hand. Fingers bleed a lot, even if the cut isn't super severe, so my arm was dripping in the time it took me to realize what had happened. What does a normal person do? Go to the nurse! Somebody will see the blood and realize I had a valid reason for leaving.
Not me, though. I went to ask the teacher for a pass (this was middle school), but she was talking to somebody. So I waited. After a few seconds, I realized this was probably bad so I sort of mumbled "excuse me..." , which thankfully got her to turn around.
CrimsonEmber ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:53:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me and girlfriend just got together after several months of having feelings for each other but weโre too blind to see it in each other, after a conversation where she wanted to know who this girl I was reluctant to talk about was and wouldnโt take no for an answer I finally told her it was her I had feelings for. She said โwell why donโt you ask me out?โ So I did and after a day of being in cloud nine I faced timed her. This is when I started to fall apart It didnโt feel real and I just started stumbling my words and the first compliment I ever gave my girlfriend was โn-n-nice faceโ
BaronVonFish ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:58:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say my name....I was at a stand up comedy thing and the lady asked me for my name and I was super awkward so I just shrugged my shoulders...I was ridiculed for not knowing my own name.
mafangaf ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:00:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking down the road and then saw my classmates from afar. My introvert ass thought of ways on how to avoid interacting with them. We're on the same side of the road so I decided to cross the road so I would be on the other side and wouldn't be seen. I was dumb enough not to remove my earphones. I ended up making a scene because I was very close to getting hit by a fast fucking car and the driver blared his horn like shit.
thedeathberry1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:01:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I let one of my high school teachers pronounce my name wrong for the entirety of high school because I didnโt correct him the first time. He realized he was saying it wrong in the last month of my senior year.
ghostaly ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:01:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A girl with downs syndrome on my grade school bus once started putting my hair in her mouth when I was seated next to her, but I pretended to like it so I wouldn't devastate her with a bad reaction.
Tirestoressmellfunny ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:01:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I went to the gas station because I was on empty. I asked the cashier for $30 of gas then I went back to the pump and settled in for a $30 gas extravaganza. At $14 the gas stopped coming out and I told the cashier what had happened. She said "Oh ok, just put the pump back on the hanger." I went back, put the pump back and tried again, nothing. I went back to the window and said "All set?" Expecting her to say she had turned the pump back on and she said "Um, no ....don't you want your change?"
I assumed she meant put it back on the hanger and restart. She assumed $14 filled the tank (I wish). I got flustered and just said "Oh, silly me, thanks." And promptly drove down the street to another station to finish filling my tank.
astroxo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:02:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was at a friendโs house and her dad bought a bunch of bagels for breakfast. I had never eaten one...but I was too awkward to just admit that so instead of cutting the bagel in half, I put cream cheese on the top of a whole, uncut bagel.
Her dad looked at me like I was an alien. He informed me that I could cut it in half if I wanted. Having too much pride for a girl of 9, I informed him that it was, โjust how I eat bagelsโ.
I think about that every time I eat one.
kpeebo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:04:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was part of a French exchange program in high school. As a gift I brought them this cute snow globe topped wine stopper with the Empire State Building inside. Later from the living room I could see the cat start to paw at it on the dining room table but no one else noticed. I had a feeling he was going to knock it off the table and break it, but I was too shy/a little unsure of the language to say "Hey, the cat" or whatever and watched my gift get destroyed...
SullenArtist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:08:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking down the sidewalk on my college campus and someone stopped at a crosswalk because they thought I was taking the crosswalk. Instead of waving them on, I crossed the street, walked on that side until their car was out of sight, and then crossed a different crosswalk back to the side I needed to be on.
carbslut ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:12:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, my sister was constantly being written up in the paper for thing she was good at.
One of my teachers thought the articles were about me and complimented me constantly.
I pretended it was me, and that I had a different first name, for the whole year.
Youngmanandthelake ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked into a Verizon store that had a guy I don't really like from work. He saw me, sort of ignored me, recognized I saw him. I decided to get the fuck out. As I walked past he said "hi" and I said "Yep, see you later." Promptly walked out door.
JobboBobbo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:24:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dropped out of college because I had too much anxiety to go to class after missing a week.
theycallmehokie ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:26:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school we were carpooling to a basketball game and I was in behind the driver's seat. I wasn't really friends with them and I didn't have anything to say so I started doing my homework knowing if get carsick. So I keep doing math problems until I am horribly sick but I just sit there hoping it will pass, trying to look out the window.
The girl in the front seat looks at me and tells her dad I look sick. I was like, "no, no. I'm fine." He pulled over and before I could get out of the truck, I puked out the window all over the side of the truck. The other half of my team thought we were pulling over to follow them or something so they waved out the window and watched me puke too.
I knowingly got carsick to avoid social interaction.
jackie_blue_5 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10, I received a phone call on our familyโs landline. The lady asked to talk to Jackie, which is my name, so I stayed on the line. She started asking about the family, the kids, etc., so I assumed it was a grandmother. When she asked how work was going, I realized she had the wrong number (since I was a kid), but was too uncomfortable to say anything, so I remained on the phone for a good 20 minutes answering all her questions with fake answers, too scared to tell her she had the wrong number. She started telling me that I sounded weird and asked if I had a cold, so I quickly said I did, so she said sheโd let me go to get some rest. I have no idea who this person was.
PM_ME_GAY_FURRY ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:26:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow I have a really bad one, and my username will check out. I'm so ashamed of this to this day but here it goes:
So I was at a monastery to borrow their library to study (long story why). I needed one of the monks there to come type in the wifi password on my laptop. Now windows did this thing on my laptop where if I accidentally slid my fingers on the trackpad in a certain way it would open the photo viewer app with the last thing I had open on it, so of course when I'm clicking the wifi setup thing I accidentally slid open my photos app, and there in fullscreen glory are 2 fox boys 69ing each other. I guess the normal thing would have been to close it, laugh, and move on, but what I did was I stared in shock for a solid 2 seconds, slowly closed my laptop, and then just rested my head in shame not saying a word. The monk was trying to play it cool and wanted to finish helping me but all I did was ignore him like I was dead until he finally gave up, patted me on the back in pity and walked out. The minute of him trying to get me to just let him continue with typing in the wifi passwrod while I pretended I was dead or whatever was the most awkward moment of my life.
I stayed in that library frozen like that for another 30 minutes or so until I was brave enough to walk out. I was so paranoid I would run into him again on my way out but I didn't thankfully.
MasterRebex ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:27:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I flew to Florida for a spring break trip with some acquaintances (thought a good friend was going to join, but he didnโt). I felt so awkward I didnโt want to stay and try to enjoy myself, so I told them I had a โfamily emergencyโ and went home early - via Greyhound bus. 36 hour bus ride of regret and shame.
chad_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:30:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the dumbest ever by far, but I went outside my apartment to smoke today and was just stepping out when this gorgeous girl that is a barista where I get coffee most mornings was walking past my front door. I'm awkward when I'm ready to see people and worse when I'm surprised. She recognized me, and said, "hi! How are you doing?!". I replied, "great! You too!" and tripped on a brick I had specifically left by my door in case I want to prop it open. Then I stumbled a few steps and caught the telephone pole and did a sort of "Singing in the Rain" Fred Astaire type move while swinging around the pole. sigh At least I didn't faceplant in the road.
lazlounderhill ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:32:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you're asking me to know what the "normal" thing is?
MediciReborn ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:33:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On our campus transit I stood up one stop too early and instead of just sitting back down, I got off and took the extra 10minutes walking to class. I think it was mix of not trying to be awkward/pride.
hab1b ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:53:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a BBQ I tore the sleeve off my own shirt to wipe my ass because there was no toilet paper in the bathroom at the house, and I was too embarrassed to yell for help. Then I tried to flush my sleeve down the toilet. Then the toilet got clogged. So I just bounced.
A few days later my friend asked where I went and I told him I didn't feel good so I left. And then he told me how some asshole clogged the toilet. HILARIOUS... years later.
LazySkeptic ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:55:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in high school I was taking a dump. Kid walked in and being embarrassed I tried to be as silent as possible. Problem was, after a minute I farted just a little bit. The guy started giggling which made me start to giggle, which made me fart more. With each laugh I farted a little more. So imagine someone laughing in time with a "thpbp-thpbp-thpbp". Fucking hilarious.
chutchens08 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:50:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In undergrad I walked in to use the bathroom outside of one of my classrooms. Without looking, I busted into the stall, quickly turning around to lock the door behind me. That's when I heard my professor (who was pooping) go, "Woaahhh!!" from inside the stall that I had just entered. By the time I realized it, my pants were about 15% off, and I was about to sit in his lap (I'm a very efficient pooper).
I'm not sure what I could have done normally, but there has to be something.
OlafForkbeard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An unlocked door is merely an invitation. - Probably a fortune cookie
FLtoChicago ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:13:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at a restaurant with my dad and brother. Waiter complimented me on everything I ordered from my drink to my appetizer to the main course. When he stuck his hand out to retrieve my menu, I shook his hand thinking he wanted to shake it for the great meal I ordered. He responded with โno I just need your menu.โ
I later saw him re-enacting the incident to his other waiter buddies in the back.
cool12y ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 16:45:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a class, my teacher was distributing sheets. I didn't get one. Raised my hand, he didn't hear. Spoke out, couldn't hear. People were laughing. Too socially awkward to ask him, so decided to just click a picture of my friends worksheet.
Got scolded for "forgetting" my worksheet the next class.
MyCommentingAcccount ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
huh, I've never heard anyone say it that way before. Mind telling me what country you're from?
cool12y ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:10:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
India. Wait, that isn't the normal wY to say it?
blendy_stick ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 16:47:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got myself a life insurance from a telemarketer just because I couldn't bring myself to say No. I should have done more research before getting one because what I got was a very mediocre product.
papnvleis ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:21:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once accidentally hung up on a telemarketer, felt so bad, I smsed to apologise.
badashly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to sell credit cards over the phone like 12 years ago when not everyone had a cell phone....it's definitely ok to hang up on us ๐ we not only expect it - but deserve it.
Pizzacrusher ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:38:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I think people like you is why telemarketers exist.
A-HuangSteakSauce ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:26:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother told me once that when I was 3 years old, my potty lid was closed, and instead of me lifting it, I shit my pants. The point is, Iโm not the type of person whoโll disrupt things just so I can shit comfortably.
AlphaBish101015 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 21:02:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't funny at all, but I let a guy rub himself against me on a very packed bus for ten minutes when I was 16 and in another country. I felt violated and I was scared and didn't know his language and didn't feel like I was allowed to say anything.
I almost didn't comment because I didn't want to be a buzz kill, but I really wish someone would have told me that everyone always has the right to get out of that situation. Shove through people to move away. Kick him in the crotch. Tell him to quit (even if he didn't know English, he would have understood my tone). Find a woman that seems strong and compassionate and stand next to her.
Just do something to tell the world and yourself that you are worth being respected.
EmotionalRangeOfTsp ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:49:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My new boss asked me for a rundown. I had no idea what a rundown was. I spent my whole day trying to acting like I knew what I was doing while trying to figure out what the hell a rundown is... None of my coworkers knew what it was either. Eventually I threw something together to turn in to him, which he told me to fax to my distribution list. Didn't know what a distribution list was either. I faxed it to my dad instead.
Meganomaly ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:20:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP says: "Cringe?" You say: "Office."
stillill_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok Jim
The_Jellyfish23 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:55:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've walked around the block multiple times to avoid crossing the street when cars are there.
ViciMorningstar ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 21:06:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at some friends party once didn't know anyone can't find friend I know so I just stand awkwardly in the kitchen. Girl precedes to come up and all like omg girl haven't seen you in forever how are you hugs bla blah.. I have no clue who she is but being a weirdo I just nod smile and go along with it.. for 2 hours I pretend I know this person... at the end of it she comes out and tells me she didn't really know me she was just creeped out by guys she didn't know and needed to escape and decided to pretend she knew me to get away ( I was a creepy goth in high school so most people didn't bother me assuming id stab them or sacrifice them to Satan or something).. it's been like 15 years still friends with her..
misterwhite999 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:51:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to an auto parts store in the morning. A couple hours later I realized I needed a couple more things, so I went to a different store that was further away.
olivescience ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:47:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I almost run into somebody with my cart at the grocery store I turn around completely and start walking purposefully the other way if I canโt wait and let them pass because of the positioning of our carts.
I went around the entire Whole Foods 3 times today because it was so busy. I had never been there before so I didnโt mind, but sometimes I have to draw a line.
BelleHades ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:01:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My situation was kinda similar as u/badass_panda , but instead of an office building, I work at fast food. I needed to throw away a bucket of burger grease and get an empty one, both in the delivery garage. Naturally I forgot that the door auto locks, and my choice was to either knock on it for eternity until someone answered, or go through the emergency exit and set off the alarm.
I knocked for like 10 minutes before someone came.
Then a few months later, it happened again. And again a few months after that. Final time, I simply took the risk and set off the emergency exit alarm. Naturally the managers lectured me. This all happened during my 3rd and 4th years (Im in my 5th year now).
Now I avoid the garage at all costs, because I'm too dense headed to remember the door locks behind me.
nahjay3 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:05:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Itโs not too dumb but whenever someone is in the way of something like in a hallway instead of asking if i can get through Iโll find another route. For example, through middle school, most of the classroom had tables in rows and thats where people would sit. Instead of asking to scooch between someone and to turn something in, Iโd find a path with the least confrontations. It may be inefficient, but... well thatโs it really itโs just inefficient.
pokexchespin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:38:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I attempted to make a TIFU about it but no one even checked it out. So I was in first period, first day of high school, when I knocked my pencil off my desk. Now this is the first not normal thing. Instead of letting it fall to the ground and getting it from there, I decided to slam my hand on it to keep it on the chair. However, instead of landing on its side, it landed on its eraser, so I got stabbed by it. Then, after, instead of saying I needed to go to the nurseโs office, I raised my other hand and waited about a minute for my teacher to call on me. I got made fun of for that one all year
bitchkeepsbitchin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:41:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is SO gross I can't believe I'm writing this. Was at a band house. Everyone had their cool card. Had to take a massive dump and clogged the toilet. Put my hand in and squashed that shit up so it would flush rather than telling the cool kids I needed a plunger.
aarmadale ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:12:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
walked into a little home improvement store dead set on finding a sink attachment thing ask the employee to help me find a part, take one look at it and confident as can be say "no thats not what i need" employee said "yeah this should be exactly what you need" realizing i was wrong instead of admitting my mistake and apologizing like a normal human i said to him "uhhhhh i forgot something out in my car real quick ill be right back" kinda fastwalked out to my car and i havent been back since out of fear someone would recognize me
troglodata ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:14:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a train, waiting to depart the station to get home. Looking at about a 40 minute ride to get to my town. Guy with whom I'm acquainted boards, stands next to me. I have a teensy bit of a crush on guy (read: gigantic, awkwardness-inducing crush) so I immediately panic at the thought of making polite conversation with him for 40 minutes (read: approximately forever) so I mumble something about forgetting a bag and dash off the train to hide in the bathroom until the next train arrives.
jim_br ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:17:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New Yorkโs Penn Station is being repainted a different color a few years ago. I get on a train home, knowing I have to transfer at Jamaica Station and fall into a deep sleep. The door closing bells go off, waking me up. Not recognizing what I see out the window, I sprint through a few people in the aisle to the closing doors and grab them from closing. The conductor reopens the doors and I step onto the platform - still in Penn Station but in new colors. I was so embarrassed I strolled to the next car and slipped in before the doors closed.
Today, Iโd just call myself out and walk back to my seat.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:30:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't have tissues in class and I thought if you just kept breathing in through your nose when you're sick it'd keep everything in; worked great for an hour (apart from the noise), until it didn't and I sneezed so hard I snotted up both hands and then some. I'd like to say this was elementary school but it wasnt
willmaster123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:31:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a really awkward teenager and I just emigrated from Russia and barely knew english. I was over a girls house to (hopefully) lose my virginity, but instead I had to use the bathroom really badly. Took a shit, clogged her toilet.
Not only did I not know how to tell her in english what happened, but I was embarrassed, obviously.
So instead, with my bare hands, I tried taking my poop out of the toilet and throwing it out of the window. I did that, except the girls dad and brother were outside of the house, and all they saw was some random kid, shirtless, throwing poop out of their 2nd story bathroom window onto the floor.
I didn't even talk to them, I just saw them staring at me like "what the fuck??". I made out with the girl a tiny bit more, but I used a bullshit excuse and left as soon as possible before the brother or dad could come up and say something to me.
HardlineZizekian ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:32:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I need to know is: is EVERYONE awkward and anxious like me? Or are all the anxious awkward people here because of the subject matter?
It seems to me people IRL rarely seem as anxious as I do.
Probably_Boat ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:55:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never told anyone this. My perceived awkwardness almost killed someone, and myself. My girlfriend's brother owned a towing business so I'd hang out at the garage sometimes. One day a driver asked me to come along on a 6 hour job to keep him company. I agreed to go. The trip was uneventful until we were returning. During a very boring stretch of highway, I noticed the truck veering to the left. I looked at the driver, wondering if he'd fallen asleep, but I wasn't sure. We went further and further onto the other side of the highway, I was so afraid to speak up and risk saying something stupid that I said nothing. Thankfully, he has just dozed off and woke up before we went off the road or hit another vehicle. He woke with a scream, we were fully in the oncoming lanes, and still my stupid ass said nothing! Wtf! I pretended that I'd fallen asleep and didn't notice anything had happened.
FearsomeX23 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:18:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All this cringe reading these comments. Yikes lol but we've all had our moments like this at least a few times. Instead of talking to this girl after school, I would purposely trip and she would laugh at me. Like you're so clumsy and instead of putting the moves on her I did that lol
Clintbeastwood1776 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:23:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 2nd grade, I was sitting in computer class (93?), having to take a huge shit. Go to the bathroom and drop the mother of all loads. 3 kids peak their heads under the stall, while pointing and laughing at me. Idk what to do, so I awkwardly pulled my pants up and walked back to class. As I sit down, I guess a southerly breeze brushed across my teachers nose, prompting her to ask if someone had shit themselves while staring at me. I just shook my head no and proceeded playing Oregon trail or math munchers. I walked home with a dry caked, shit covered asa. It's not over yet.. I hop in the shower and try to figure out a way to hide my shit covered underwear. Being a 2nd grader, the only thing I could come up with was to climb to the top of the tree in the backyard and hide my underwear in the top branches. Too bad it was fucking November and there were no leaves.. Dad noticed shit stained whitey tighties blowing around the tree 2 days later. He knew it was me, due to the fact my teacher called letting my parents know I may have shit myself in class.
codyrfm08 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:38:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not the dumbest, because as an awkward person this kind of thing happens to me regularly, but the first to come to mind:
I once went inside a Hardeeโs to avoid the line in the drive thru, and ordered my food specifically to go. I waited five or so minutes for my food, and they finally came out with it on a tray, clearly set up for dine in.
Instead of alerting someone that I had ordered my food to go and would be needing a bag, I stood there for a brief moment in a state of mild anxiety, grabbed the tray, and went to the far corner of the restaurant, where I sat down, ate my meal, and then left.
TL;DR: Ordered food to go, got it for dine in, too awkward to correct the situation, dined in anyway.
THE_LANDLAWD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I weren't poor, this would be gilded.
justreethings ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:59:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During my senior year of high school, I went on a date with this guy I really liked. At the end of the night, he drove me home and walked me to my front door. We hugged, but I must've looked out of it or something because he said, "Be more enthusiastic." Instead of laughing or saying goodnight, I blurted out "I love you." He gave me a very uncomfortable look and ran back to his car.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into my college English class 10 minutes late, didn't recognize anybody, and walked out saying "oh sorry I'm in the wrong class". It was my 3rd month of that class. Everybody knew.
heyimnewhur ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:24:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was late to my SAT prep academy once and the principal spread his arms out. Confused I slowly put my arms around him to give him a hug. But it turned out he was blocking the entryway to the classroom that was down the hall behind him because i was late
So me (female, 16 years old at the time) just gave my 50 something old male principal a hug.
susieq0245 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:03:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in middle school and was sleeping over at a friend's house. We were notorious for staying up all night watching movies and talking, as middle school girls will do during sleepovers.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I had to go to the bathroom. My friend lived in an older house where the doors tended to stick and the doorknobs were really old and had some kind of complicated (for a 12 year old) locking mechanism. Honestly to this day, I don't understand how that sh*t worked.
So I go in, shimmy the door shut and try to lock it, and the knob made just the slightest of weird noises, like something happened in there that shouldn't have. Cue panic; frantic grasping, pulling, twisting, etc. Can't get the thing open again. I start loud-whispering through the door to try and get my friend's attention and she tries to walk me through unlocking it. Still won't open.
She proceeds to wake up the entire house to free me from my tile prison (all three sisters and both her parents). Dad can't get it open so they have the brilliant idea to go outside and come through the window. I unlock the window and while they are getting the ladder and the tools, I realize "oh my God, I still have to pee."
So, assuming I have plenty of time to pop a squat and piss like a race horse before they find a ladder and get through the window, I sit down and start to relieve my now over-full bladder. Not two seconds in, her dad's head pops in the window and scares the bejeezus out of me. I'm embarrassed, he's embarrassed, everyone outside is laughing while I try to explain that I hadn't actually GONE yet when I realized I was locked in. He pulls his head back outside so I can finish up and eventually I get freed from the bathroom (they had to take the knob off the door!)
Easily one of my more embarrassing memories ๐
Ginger_Biscuits ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:50:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have got off the tube (subway) at the end of a date because conversation dried up and I wanted to leave it on a good note. โThis is my stop, lovely to meet you, had loads of fun, we must do this again,...โ etc. and then got on the next one to continue the journey to my actual destination - rather happy with myself.
Got there and left the station... There she is, the same girl standing outside having a cigarette and talking on the phone. Our eyes met, I waved, she looked confused, I kept walking... and that was that.
massivebumwizard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this, but with colleagues. I like them well enough, I just don't like doing the awkward small talk on the tube thing. I'd rather just listen to music and zone out.
If I ever leave the office at the same time as other people and we start walking to the same station, I make out that I need to go in a different direction. Then I just wait (out of site somewhere) until they're gone and continue my journey.
Twice, TWICE, I've walked onto the same tube as the colleagues I've just ditched...
KingOfTheGutter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:48:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late but whatever.
Was playing WoW when I was 14. I used to binge play it, so I often would take an entire 2 liter of soda or bottle of juice up to my desk and drink it throughout my play session.
I chose a bottle of apple juice on this day.
Iโm playing for a few hours and had drank the entire bottle. Shortly after I had to pee so bad. I was too fucking dumb to walk 5 feet to the bathroom which was literally next to my bedroom, so I pissed in the Apple juice bottle.
I fell asleep and went to school the next day.
That evening when my dad comes home from work, I hear him SCREAMING downstairs.
My mom cleaned my room that morning and found the bottle.
She thought it was full of apple juice.
She put it back in the fridge.
My dad drank it.
Iโve never cringed through my skull so hard before. I felt like such a loser.
TLDR; whatever still drank piss.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Screaming of laughter or anger?
KingOfTheGutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was not pleased lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha. Sounds great. What did they do to you?
KingOfTheGutter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahah nothing. My dad and I werenโt speaking at the time. (Stupid teenager angst) so that made it even worse hahaha.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uuf you were lucky.
texmexcoconut ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:05:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was and am an awkward person. I was super straight edge growing up. It took me forever to curse and I wouldn't drink underage. Can you tell I'm real fun at parties? So I never got invited.
My best friend was super popular and hilarious. She took me to an upperclassman party for the football team. They had a keg. And I was sitting there drinking Orange Fanta. I finished it quickly because I didn't know anyone. First, I kept "drinking" after it was gone to keep my hangs busy. I got called out and said I just wanted to hang onto it. The Varsity boys laughed and left. My friend asks what I'm doing.
I inform her that the cops have my finger prints and they could match me to the party if they searched the can.
The party got busted and we ran for it. My mom asked what was up with the soda can. And my friend told her. They both laughed at me. My friend just stood in my wedding and has never let me live it down.
I should have just tossed the can. But I'm a dork.
fezzesarecool69 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:09:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is literally happening right now. I'm in a public bathroom. When I poop I use those paper liner things if available. As I was pulling it out, someone came in to use the stall next to me, and I panicked and sat down on the toilet, seat down and pants up. He was here for like ten minutes and I just waited for him to leave because it's too awkward for me to get up and pull my pants down and actually use the toilet. Now I'm pretty sure a field trip is here or something because like 15 middle school kids are lined up to pee. Send help.
11_RMA ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:24:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this thread
CeruleanTresses ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 23:48:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was staying at this super cheap airbnb which was basically me and two of my friends sleeping on the floor of this dude's studio apartment. I didn't think to bring a blanket or pillow, and I was too awkward to ask for one, so I just laid on the floor. A couple of hours later I was freezing cold and slowly going insane, but it would have been even more awkward to wake someone up and ask for a blanket at that point. So I went into the guy's bathroom, laid down on a rug in front of the toilet, and pulled a towel over myself. That was pretty much my rock bottom.
Banannabellegg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:55:00 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After a purchase, the cashier goes to hand me my change with a closed fist. I "fist-bumped" him.
MrRieper ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:42:23 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was eleven or twelve, I had a friend who I'd talk to during lunch time. Don't remember for the life of me what we talked about, just random stuff. Anyway one time I'm talking with her, and I get a great (not) idea for a joke - pretend to tip my bottle of orange juice over her head. Only it turns out the lid wasn't quite as tightly closed as I thought, so I ended up dumping about a quarter of a bottle of orange juice over her head. Me being a nice polite gentleman, I apologise and offer to get a paper towel - oh wait no I don't, instead I panic and run away.
Oh, did I tell you that she was sometimes on crutches due to a bad foot so she couldn't exactly catch up with me that well?
kristalina07 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:58:13 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked in customer service, at a door position, greeting customers, etc. Went to say "Have a good day!" but halfway through decided to say "Have a good one" and just yelled "HAVE A GAY"
imfinallyreallyhappy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:36:11 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting so I can find my way back bc this is by far my favorite post. Y'all are hilarious
devonadv ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 19:21:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to career services at my college a few days ago, got to the front desk and instantly forgot how to speak and what I was there for. "Uh.. major... I need help with my major?" The receptionist told me I needed to make an appointment and offered to help me make one, but I panicked and said no thank you. Still have not made that appointment.
michaelnpdx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:43:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had scheduled a day before Christmas break from work off, and actually had an interview and had accepted the position starting in January. I went to one of the satellite offices to tell my friends about my interview when suddenly one of them announces that the boss was parking her car up front....
I have this issue with keeping secrets from people, feeling like they're going to somehow know. So my reaction was to leave out the front door and run upstairs to the 2nd, and top floor, wait until she went into the office and sneak past the tiny window that looked out into the hallway. The plan worked flawlessly until I actually got outside and saw my boss unloading gifts from her car. Apparently she had to make more than one trip from the office to the car to get them all in... "Oh, hey! Nobody told me you were here! Can you help me with these bags?" So there I am stumbling through some story that I just came out to say Merry Christmas to everyone and hope she doesn't dig for more info, like for instance, why are you wearing a suit? Or Why are you leaving before going into the office?
I helped her haul things in, and got my gift bag. My ex coworkers played it cool and we all had hot cocoa and an orgy. It was great.
TL;DR: used evasive maneuvers unsuccessfully creating an even more awkward situation... Also, there was no orgy. it just sounded better.
Ish_N_Chips ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:17:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 4th grade I would stay at the after school program called KOC. They placed us in different room based on grades, 4th and 5th in one room, etc. Well the restroom was in the 2nd and 3rd grade room and I had to take a dump. Iโm already on edge cuz the restroom doesnโt have a lock and itโs unisex so itโs only meant for one person at a time. Well towards the end the toilet was filled with just toilet paper with skid marks. I went to flush the toilet and it clogged. Fuck. There was no plunger in there so instead of asking one of the counselors to help me out I decided the best course of action to take would be to make a flushing noise. So I made one, then decided it wasnโt loud enough so I made another, then decided that didnโt sound enough like a flush, I ended make a total of about 5 toilet flushing noises then decided to walk out. Right when I walked out there was a group of kids sitting at a table and they asked me โWhy were you making toilet noises?โ I just kept on walking.
Laowaii87 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:47:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live my entire goddamn life
ghighi_ftw ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:55:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not sure this qualifies, but I once had a huge crush for a temp worker in my office. She was (Probably still is) the nicest person alive and a cute girl being genuinely nice to me is all it took. Anyway I'm socially inept so on a few occasion she went out with co workers and i wasn't invited (all very nice people, they would have invited me if they thought there was any chance I would join. there wasn't). She ended up being a bit too close to a co worker than I liked and I was mad with jealousy. Her mission came to an end and on the last day I couldn't deal with the jealousy and the idea of saying goodbye to her. so I did the only logical thing and locked myself in the server room until such time as she left.
TheSlugClub ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:59:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get confused by how many kisses to give on the cheek while greeting people in different countries as we don't kiss at all in my own country. So when in Holland I was going for two while the dutch person were going for one, which resulted in me brainfarting and holding my face against the other persons face for (what felt like) an eternaty.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:56:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, a few times I was talking to my friends in the halls, I ended up going too far from where I was supposed to go to class, and they went to their class. So I didn't want to be awkward and just turn around, so I just walked around the school in a loop so people wouldn't think I was weird.
jake0fblad3s ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:13:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A girl I work with is a fitness model, known in town for her beauty. Naturally for secret santa I end up with her name and have no idea what to do. Went with a gift card for a massage and some massage oil. Accidentally grabbed the lube off the shelf though and only noticed when I gave it in front of the company.
squirt92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your company does not know the rules of secret Santa.
meowshark_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:29:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate lunch in the bathroom every day of 8th grade year because I was literally to scared of trying to talk to someone, or worse, eating by myself in front of everyone
The_Greek_God_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:15:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 11 I was too scared to take a shit in my friends house. I decided that I would do it in the dirt road behind the house while we were playing hide n seek. I didn't realize that I would have to piss too and inevitably pissed all over my shorts. Not only did I smell like piss the rest of the sleep over, but I forgot that I would need toilet paper after I was finished :/
gortwogg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:22:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just happened last week and the shame still runs deep. I ended up fumbling in my jacket pocket and dropped a banana on the ground in a men's rest room. The guy washing his hands had just turned around so we both immediately looked down at the fruit. Not knowing what else to do I nudged it towards him with my foot and muttered "you wanna eat that?" He promptly left, I picked up the likely urine tainted source of potassium and threw it out. Washed my hands without looking myself in the eyes, and vowed never to use that rest room again.
RictusErectus626 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:22:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend and I had plans to go see a new movie. We'd both read and loved the book and were psyched to see it on opening night. We bought tickets in advance, drove to the theater and unknowingly parked right next to a car full of old high school acquaintances. It was two couples. They saw us and got out of their car and we were forced to engage in horrible small talk. Of course they're going to the same movie. After what felt like an eternity they said "see ya in there" and walked in. My friend and I looked at each other and pulled out of the spot and drove home. Saw the movie 5 months later on demand.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:28:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived at home during college, and a professor from that college moved in next door. I felt like I was too old to be calling neighbors Mr. _____ by that age, and since he taught at my college, it would have been Dr.______. Also, he had a weird first name that I wasn't comfortable calling him because it sounded like a name someone would give their dog. So for years when he would say, "Hi Flip3206," I would just say "Hi," and not address him by name at all.
WhaChaChaKing ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:28:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost choked to death because I was too embarrassed to let my family know I was choking on a marble that my parents kept telling me not to put in my mouth. I just calmly left the room and proceeded to cough like crazy in an attempt to dislodge it.
smorest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just took a CPR class and the instructor said a lot of people die because they are too embarrassed to get help while choking. They go into a bathroom or something to try to get the object out in private and donโt make it.
WhaChaChaKing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I was lucky I was able to breathe through my nose while it was stuck in there.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once ate at a taco bell because I had started talking to a guy with a dog. 3 blocks later he was still walking in my direction and I was starting to panic because I was running out of things to say and didn't want to talk to him anymore but I couldn't just stop while we were walking alongside eachother. At a stoplight I abruptly said "This is me, take care!".
I did go in and eat tacos, because I mean Taco Bell. But I wasn't hungry and it's not where I was going.
mrdeathguy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:41:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went on a camping trip with my Boy Scout troop in mid November and accidentally left my sleeping bag and tent in the car. It was late into the night before I realized and everyone was already asleep. Instead of waking up one of the scout leaders, I slept (or tried to) on a cot in below 30 weather. It got so cold, I put socks over my hands. Coldest night of my life.
mentalvisualisation ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:46:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at the good ol' 99 once with my husband. We were engrossed in a conversation when the waitress went to take my plate. For whatever reason, instead of handing my plate over, my dumb brain intervened and I shook the woman's hand.
She was horrified. I was horrified. My husband was like "wtf?" I tried to make a joke but made it worse. She avoided our table like the plague from that point on.
topexy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:52:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most relatable askreddit I've seen in a while. Glad to know others are as painfully awkward as me.. I'm surprised I didn't delete this comment
sheNANAgens ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:00:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5, I was staying with my aunt and uncle who were taking me to an amusement park. My aunt asked me to go upstairs and see if my uncle was ready to leave. I marched up the stairs yelling, Uncle Ed! Uncle Eeeeeed! As soon as I got to the top step, he opened the bathroom door completely naked. Our eyes locked. I saw the look of horror. I continued down the hall yelling Uncle Ed! as though I hadn't seen him. I went back downstairs and told my aunt I couldn't find him. 40 years later I'm still scarred.
Night_Blakey ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:34:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boss did a round of drinks, I asked for some bourbon. He came back with a tall glass of straight bourbon (about 8 shots of Jack Daniels I believe). He got upset I had ordered something so expensive, I told him about his mistake but he was really insistent I drink it.
I sculled it... hoping that drinking a few cokes afterwards would kinda even it out. But having what was 10 standard drinks in about 5 mins was a mistake.
nomadic_stalwart ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:37:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but I was with my cousin at a restaurant when he ordered a basket of wings. The waiter asked him what he'd like for his side. My cousin says ranch. Waiter says okay but what about his side. My cousin insistently says ranch, not understanding. Waiter doesn't know what to say. I tell my cousin, like fries or okra. My cousin realizes and orders his side.
The waiter holds out his hand to take his menu and my cousin grabs his hand and shakes it. The waiter seemed to have died of awkwardness but I couldn't help but laugh at the whole ordeal. My cousin apologized to the waiter but I've never let him live it down.
thumperzz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:38:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was young at the time this happened but old enough to know better. Like 10? I was eating some white chocolate covered pretzels and playing on a chalkboard in the living room with my family. Grandma, uncles aunts etc. I got confused and took a bite out of the chalk instead of the pretzel...instead of spitting it out. I crunched that sucker up and swallowed....i was really thirsty after that.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:51:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically I was born, then it was just too awkward to course correct so I've been living a disaster of a dumpster fire of a life for 30 years.
hotbacon18 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:52:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a senior in high school and had stomach pain for about a week. I complained about it some at home, but thought it was gas and didn't ask to go to the doctor. While in school on Veterans day, it got REALLY bad...like doubled over bad. Rather than go to the nurse, like a normal human, I ask a friend for a quarter so I can call my mom to get her to call the office for an early dismissal. She agreed, but says I have to walk home (about 1 mile). After an hour or so I make it home, pale as a ghost and looking a little ragged from pain. Mom realizes this might be an issue and we go to the doc...not the er, because I'm trying to play it cool. Several hours later I'm in emergency surgery for a burst appendix, with another surgery a week later due to sepsis...all because I wouldn't go to the nurse and didn't want my mom to know I was in major pain.
Keyboard_Warrior805 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:56:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This post is a gold mine lmao
henrykdaking ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:14:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i was invited to an event in a part of town where it's hard to find a parking space, after ten minutes of looking i simply drive away and go home. It has become a regular thing to just miss things because i can't park.
dannyboyk ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:23:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I accidentally mistook a total stranger for a friend and started giving him a shoulder rub. He looked at me like I was crazy, and rather than explain my mistake, I panicked and started to act like I was mentally challenged. Unfortunately he bought it and tried helping me do various tasks. Now trapped, I had to continue acting the part until I finally just ran away....
utahrd37 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?! How did you pretend to be mentally challenged? What tasks did he try to help you do?
dannyboyk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was playing an arcade game when I started massaging his shoulders. When he turn around, and glared at me, I contorted my hands and face and smiled at him goofily. He then looked at me apologetically and paid for a game for me and helped guide the controls. I kept trying to get a game over so I could leave but he kept guiding my controls back on course. It was a painful 3 minutes.
esangelz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:24:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a job interview I was given a glass of water with ice. As I drank they asked me a question and an ice cube was in my mouth. I swallowed the ice cube whole instead of crushing it because I didnโt want to make noise. It hurt.
ihavesomanyfeelings ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:29:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a class with this guy and we would hang out and smoke sometimes, and I always forgot his name. I would realize that I forgot it, and try to think of a slick way to get him to tell me. I had heard of a trick (thanks internet), just ask them how to spell their name and boom, there it is. He said, โUm, J-o-h-n. You know, like John.โ Not slick at all, I was like, โOh, interesting, you know some people spell it J-o-n, hahaha (slowly dying inside).โ
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, that works. My mom teaches a kid named Gian, pronounced like regular John/Jon and honestly, how would you ever know if you didn't ask?
_ROEG ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:28:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably going to be buried cos Iโm late Yaknow. Basically I was 6-7 years old and round my friends house. Iโm that type of guy that gets reaaaaaaally awkward when I need to poo round someone elseโs house and so I decided it would be best to hold this poo in. Lo and behold, my poop storage was getting rather full and boy did I need to go. So yea I shat myself, it dried (I was wearing shorts too, and miraculously it didnโt drip out) and was itchy as hell. Anyway me and my friend go back inside about an hour later of it drying and all I hear is his dad come into the room asking why the house smelled like dog shit, so this mother fucker gets on his hand and knees and starts going round smelling everything until he gets to me, looks me dead in the eye and goes โhave you shit yourself?!โ I sheepishly nodded and ended up having a bath, Iโve no idea how my friend managed to keep it to himself because I never heard of it again....worst thing that ever happened to me.
ApollyonDS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:59:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I visited my best friend's house for the first time. I had go poop, but I was too shy to ask where the toilet was. So I let it out in my pants... Asked my mom if we can go, so no one would notice. She eventually noticed the smell when driving us home.
Cadams06 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:45:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a counselor at a methadone clinic. A cop returned one of our clients in handcuffs to get her dose before she went to jail. She was sitting in a chair crying while the nurse prepared her medication. The cop began asking me personal questions about my own experience with drug use in front of my coworkers. During an awkward silence, I bent down and kissed the client on the head. There were gasps.
jordaninthe90s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao I used to be a nurse at a methadone clinic and if I saw that I would have died!
NOTkristenstewart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:58:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a night out with a friend dancing and drinking. Now my friend is a bit of a slut and decided she wanted some D so asked me to be her wingman. Whatevs Iโm a girl this should be easy. She picks a guy and I go talk to his friend. Heโs pretty cool, buys me a drink and seems quite funny. I did say to him Iโm only being the wingman cause my friend wants to dick your buddy. He laughs and is like thatโs fine Iโm only wing manning too.
A little time passes, Iโm still being a best bro wingman but I canโt find my friend anywhere. We have a quick look round the club and canโt find them. So Iโm like right weโll, theyโve gone so.. intending to say โso thanks for the drinks but Iโm offโ but before I could finish my sentence heโs like โguess itโs just you and me then!!!โ
My throat dries up and Iโm like โErrrr cool I just err... need to go to the bathroomโ thinking I could just shrug him off in there but then heโs like โthatโs fine no worries I will wait RIGHT HERE (opposite the door) for you. I wonโt leave you alone donโt worry!โ
So I spent an hour and a half sat on a toilet calling a different friend who was in bed to get up, get dressed and get to the club and I had to wait there until New friend called me from the other side of the bathroom door to let me know the coast was clear.
hbabygirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:11:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This actually just happened the other day. I was at Walgreens picking up my prescription and I saw this guy shopping around who looked familiar and quickly realized it was my uncle. My first instinct was to look at the floor and pretend I didnโt see him.
I thought I made it out unseen, but he texted my mom later: โI just saw Hbabygirl at Walgreens, but she pretended she didnโt see me, so I just left her alone.โ
I feel bad :(
Rikolas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:42:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can answer on behalf of my friend.
When we were kids, younger than 10, he was round my house and shit himself. He knew where the toilet was, but I think I remember he had some issue with being too nervous to go without asking? (like school brain washed him?) and too nervous to ask, so didn't.
Anyway - I could smell him, he smelt like shit. He eventually went to the bathroom and was acting fine afterwards, and no longer smelt like shit.
Years later my mum is fitting a new carpet into the bathroom and underneath the carpet round the back of the toilet are some shit stained underwear stashed away that had his name tag on them ...
Schaabalahba ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:44:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...here we go! I worked overseas for about a year and a half and completely shut down any personal or romantic life. Completely absorbed myself in my job. I moved back to America and still hadn't thought much about living normal again. While on a work trip, one of my superiors pointed out that I'm a young man in my prime and should be on Tinder spreading my wild oats. I begrudgingly went to swiping. Got a match with a young lady that I thought was drop dead gorgeous. Of course, I haven't really initiated a conversation with romantic intentions in over a year, so I decide I can't message her because she's intimidating and beautiful. Shockingly she messages me first! And it turned out she was such a sweet person. We hit it off and I find out she's my dream girl. Tatted, pierced, friendly, liked poker, liked anime, liked video games, shared the same top three movies, cinematography major, she was perfect! Everything I want in a girl and more. Fast-forward a few weeks. I tell her I'd like to make the hour and a half drive to come visit her. I make the drive and she ended up flaking without even meeting me. Was completely understanding told her "Hey, you have your own life and you shouldn't put it on pause for some loser you met over Tinder." I thought this got me a lot of brownie points. Self-esteem a little downtrodden I somewhat decide to let her go. Fast-forward a couple of weeks, tell her that I'd be down to try and see her again. She agrees and I floor it down the interstate to meet her. I didn't end up getting there until something like 11:30 PM. We can't go anywhere or do anything because everything is closed. She says that she'd invite me up to her room for Netflix and Chill, but her roommate just went to sleep so we couldn't. We make the decision to sit outside her dorm building a just chat. I thought it went really well. At about 3 AM, she says that she had class in the morning and needed to get to bed. So I walk with her toward an even junction between my car and her dorm room. I say "Whelp, I guess you should probably get to bed since you have class and everything." But she kept the conversation going. It struck me as odd. I eventually realized she was waiting for me to make a move. I thought, "Bro! Bro! You should totally lay a kiss on her!" "No you idiot! You've known her for a couple of hours it'd be too much!" "Okay, hug her?" "Naw, you wuss that'd be way too weak!" "Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! Fuck!" I panic and grab her very aggressively by wrist. Raise her arm high in the air and shout "Good Night High Five!" and proceed to give her the dweebiest high five ever. With a look of disbelief she looks at me goes, "Seriously?" I respond, "Yup :l" "Maybe you'll let me see you again after I come back from my next work trip? It was nice meeting you BYE!" and proceed to speed walk toward my car. She lets out another "SERIOUSLY?!" I stop hesitate and think to myself "You fool! She's giving you an opportunity to turn around and fix it!" I shout back to her "I'm sorry! I really liked meeting you! Good night!" I get home and go to sleep hoping for the best. I text her in the morning apologizing for being a nerdy loser. No response. I put it out of my head and finish my work trip. I text her again. "Sorry, I'm seeing someone else."...FUCK!
tl;dr met the girl of my dreams and instead of laying a big ol' smooch on her I high five her and ruin any chance I have getting with probably any woman ever
massivebumwizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:50:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That story is painful to read because you had two...TWO...huge opportunities to fix it.
Thanks for sharing though; we've all been there.
Ugniusz09 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:33:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my dad's we have a porch near the house. Since we don't have a toilet inside, we piss outside. When my dad and his friends are hanging out in the porch I'm too embarrassed to go out the front door to take a piss. So I just climb out the window and walk all the way around metal gear solid style and take the piss.... Then climb back through the window and pretend nothing ever happened.
Tsundere_Mailbox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:36:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See that's the thing, You thought no one saw you. Let me tell you how wrong you are though. I was there, I saw you take that piss. You thought you were so good and got away with it, but you were wrong, I saw it all. You can't hide it from me. You think you can post that shit here on reddit and get some sweet karma? Think again buddy, I'm here to expose you.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:35:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TobyChimp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing hahah
I was getting nervous reading through this! I thought it was going to end with you taking a swig of water and then choking on the gum D:
This was a much happier, albeit still very embarrassing story!
massivebumwizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah, did you just use a bracket within a bracket? This is some Inception shit!
MrPokinatcha ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:47:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 12. My sister (17) had an exchange student from France at home. She stayed at her room. The door to her room and mine were directly in front of each other, and we shared a bathroom. I still managed to never actually meet her, not even once! Not one word... nothing! for 3 whole fucking weeks she stayed at my house.
THe worst part was that one day, my mom asked me to get in the car. I got in and then the french grol got in... We were going to drop her off to the airport. I couldn't do nything... so I just said "Hi" And rode silently for one hour to the airport sitting right next to her.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:14:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ben3dictus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get this up just for the word "pee pee pants"
StaleRomantic ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:46:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fail my math class because I couldn't find the class on the first day and I didn't wanna go in late but I didn't want to be the girl no one knew because I wasn't there the first day so I never went to class.
Social anxiety sucks.
Nuudelikeitto ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:54:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wanted to post the confused Travolta gif meme in a Facebook thread and didn't find anything that had a neutral background. Then I found this one with a red curtain and a zigzag flooring and posted it.
Suddenly, a guy I liked commented "TWIN PEAKSโก" on it. I was confused, googled it and was like "Shit. It was a reference." yet he seemed so enthusiastic about it that I couldn't tell him that it was a mistake.
So I quickly check our local library's website and searched if they had the show in there. It was gone. Reserved it immediately. I would see that guy at a party in a week and was scared he'd try to talk to me about Twin Peaks.
Time passes, the party comes and he asks about Twin Peaks. I try to explain that I've tried to look for it but it hasn't been available at the library in a long time. Suddenly, he actually tells me that he has the first two seasons and he could give them to me for some time.
And before you know it, I was watching Twin Peaks and had something to talk about to him and the show became my favourite series I've ever seen. Even more time passes and we find out we are both interested in each other and nowadays we're dating.
So, YAY AWKWARDNESS.
2themax9 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:07:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time i yawned and burped at the same time and didnt know what to do, i didnt want people to think i was wierd, so i pretended i started to choke and let out a spree of coughs.
taylorballer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:13:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During my Freshman year of college, the dorms were set up with communal bathrooms. I was way too anxious to poop knowing at any time, one or more of the 22 girls I shared this bathroom with could walk in. So once a day I went to the gym across campus because the girls locker room in the basement was almost always empty. I lost like 50 pounds that year thanks to that gym lol
hanafrufru ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:18:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had friends over to hang out but I had only invited a couple of them and they had thought they could bring whoever so a small get together turned into a mini party and at one point, being my usual introverted self, I was too tired and lazy and didn't want to kick people out so I just went upstairs and went to sleep after telling them I was going to use the restroom. Apparently they were looking for me and stayed like an extra hour but it didn't cross their minds to check my room. I regret nothing.
WalrusExtraordinaire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:36:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was buying a game at a midnight release, and when I got to the counter the clerk asked me for my phone number. I rattled off the first six and then blanked on what the last four digits of my own god damn phone number were. Instead of admitting my tiredness and forgetfulness, I improvised the last four. He typed it in and of course nothing came up, so he asked for my name. He searched again and said "I have you hear under ###-###-correct-last-four-digits." I passed on a second chance to admit my mistake and instead replied "Oh, that's my OLD number, the new one is the one I just told you."
The worst part is that I had to repeat this process the next time I went in to have them change it back to my correct number. Probably the most unnecessary and awkward deception I've ever had to pull.
Xalgenos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:38:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But now if you ever call that store, the number won't match with the one on file and you'll either have to admit your ruse or never call the store ever.
Im so sorry
WalrusExtraordinaire ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:46:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It should though, because I did the process in reverse the next time I went in to correct the number.
mustangdave84 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:19:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had just finished law school and started working at a law firm. They had just set up my office phone. Feeling proud of having my office phone showing my name, i decided to call myself using my cell phone. Right as my office phone starts ringing (from the call i made on my cell phone) one of the partners of the firm walks in to my office to talk to me. He tells me to go ahead and answer the call as he stands at my door waiting.
I proceed to answer my own call, have a pretend conversation with myself and then say goodbye.
PrincessHairyLegs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:54:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a boy in 4th grade and itโs Valentineโs Day. I wanted to give him a love heart lollipop but I was far too embarrassed so my Mum suggested that I bring a whole bag of them and give them out to all my classmates. Great idea! Valentineโs Day comes and Iโm on the playground handing out these lollipops. Everything is lining up perfectly - my crush even walks over and asks if he can have one - but I got overwhelmed with the idea that heโd know that I liked him so I said nooo! in the most offended way possible and proceeded to handout lollipops to the rest of my peers..
HurricaneHenry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a huge packed theatre with my then gf at the premiere of Prince of Persia. Just before the movie started a movie presenter came in and explained how we could win a prize if we answered a question correctly, but the answer was not to be shouted out. Instead we should raise a hand and he would pick the winner. He then asks the theatre whoโs playing the male lead in Prince of Persia. Immediately I blurt out the answer in a dead-silent saloon like the bully in the back of a classroom finally knowing the real answer to a question. I could feel the gaze of hundreds of people penetrating me from all angles. The employee condescendingly points out my mistake but throws me the shitty prize anyway. Instead of recognizing my wrongdoing and apologizing I nonchalantly pass along the prize to my gf without looking at her, saying โHere, take thisโ.
FluffyCheeseCat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:32 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rather than ask my manager what happened to an employee who out of no where was removed from the schedule and phone list, I asked him "Did Name die?"
StBernard_Love ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:18:11 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 my family and I were staying at the home of friends who lived at a beach town. I went number 2 in their toilet, only to find the toilet wouldn't flush. My Mom was out with their Mom, and I was too shy to ask for help, so after a long, long, time I had this brainwave: lift the lid off the back of the toilet and place the turds into the toilet tank. That was decades ago, and I have often wondered since, how long it took for someone to open the tank and find the poop.
must_be_laggin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:31:10 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a goodwill when I saw one of my old coworkers that was really my bestfriend at work. We could talk for hours! I hadnโt seen him in like 3 months so I thought it would be awkward, so I just hid behind a clothes rack, and got my girlfriend to tell me when he was gone.
blue_jayy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:40:22 on October 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did an interview for university applications once and was so nervous and awkward that I knocked a plant over when I was entering the room. I immediately dropped to the ground and tried to clean the mess up while one of the interviewers tried to stop me so that we can get on with the interview. Then later, in response to the common "why do you want to come to the university" question, I froze and despite all the reading up about the university I did the night before, said "oh, because it looked like a castle". I cringed and the interviewers laughed awkwardly and said "like in Harry Potter?" By then I was just so embarrassed that I agreed even though I didn't think of Hogwarts at all. Got to be thankful to them for trying to save me from crashing and burning though..
heymylittlefishies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:05:14 on November 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you get in?? Lol
blue_jayy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:19 on November 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I did! Currently 4th year in the school :D
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:01:55 on November 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
blue_jayy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:09:52 on November 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, but every school needs their awkward klutz. You can't deprive them that :P
nokiddingg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:42:12 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a brisk fall hike in a public wooded area. My asshole was itchy (these things happen) and was rounding a bend in the path thinking this would be my opportunity to give it scratch since I was semi-regularly passing people and hadn't had sufficient privacy for what felt like forever to get a little relief. I look behind me and up ahead and there was no one. It took several seconds to remove my glove, lift my long coat up, get my hand between layers of thermal underwear and pants when I got the distinct feeling there was someone coming up the path behind me. I turned around and sure enough there was someone within seeing-distance of my shame, who had caught me with my hand down my pants. Without much recourse I simply ran away. I ran down the path ahead of us and eventually up into some smaller paths into the woods. I didn't outrun my shame, though...
nrbrown95 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:21:09 on October 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a job interview when I was 16 at a โproper trendyโ clothes shop. I had a super bad ear infection and could only hear out of one ear at the time, but I didnโt want to admit I had an ear infection because I thought Iโd seem gross and not a viable potential employee. (Because how dare I get poorly? Right?)
So instead of simply saying โsorry could you speak up? I have an ear infection.โ I decided to Google what bands were playing in our city the night before, turns out The Vaccines had played so I told my interviewer that I couldnโt hear too well because Iโd been stood next to the speakers at a gig the night before.
He then asked me โwhat gig?โ and I told him that Iโd been to see The Vaccines and when he replied โoh awesome! What venue was it at?โ I absolutely panicked as I hadnโt researched that part of my lie, and I couldnโt just make up the venue incase he later googled the gig or knew someone who had actually attended it, and so would catch me in my lie, so I went on to ramble โTHE ACADEMY? MAYBE? MAYBE THE RITZ? COULDโVE BEEN SOUND CONTROL?? HAHA I DONT KNOW I WAS SO DRUNKโ
Needless to say I didnโt get the job as I lied out my arse, and dropped a โI was drunk even though Iโm two years under the legal age and Iโm probably hungover right nowโ bomb despite the fact I JUST HAD AN EAR INFECTION.
highforawhiteguy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:38:01 on November 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the 3rd day of grade 12 I was late and pretty much sprinted into my film and video class, I sat down only to realize 5 minutes later that this was not my class as I recognized none of these people, instead of leaving I stayed for the whole hour and actually completed a few pieces of homework, even had the teacher come up to me and ask me if I was new to this class, I reassured him I was.
[deleted] ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 15:57:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh, I bet this thread will get to the front page.
-notJohnThough- ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 16:23:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have an upvote, so people on front page can see your comment
mcduk1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:14:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seen
donkey_tits ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:11:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your comment disgusts me
HovercraftFullofBees ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:59:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the 6th grade I made a kid hate me because I thought he was cute so I wanted to talk to him. But all I could talk about was my cat. He was not fond of me as a person.
philbofa ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:01:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The apartment I live in is in front of a really big road and it's nearly impossible to make a left turn out of as there are no stop lights. So one day a girl I was dating came over and we made plans to go to Red Lobster, where I would have to make a left turn to get there. Well, as I'm waiting, two cars pull up behind me waiting to make a left turn and I get nervous because I keep imagining them saying "Fuck he could've turned already." So I switch my blinker to the right, make a right turn and go to a gas station, pretend to fill up my full tank for two minutes, use the stoplight at THAT intersection to make a left back on to the road, and proceed to Red Lobster a half hour late. I think deep down she knew but just didn't say anything.
ddongkkopokbal ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:08:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened two years just after my first year of university. I had a small HP blue netbook that I'd had for maybe a year or so, still in sound working order. I happened to spill red wine all over the keyboard one night while drunk. I quickly soaked it all up with kitchen towels, then just continued whatever I was doing. Went to sleep, laptop was dead in the morning. Took the laptop to a local repair place, collected my receipt, the guy said come back for it in like 3 days after we've taken a look and given it a diagnostic.
I never went back. Seriously, just left my laptop in the shop lol. In all fairness, it was probably completely fucked anyway. Ended up buying a much more expensive Toshiba a few weeks later.
krysterra ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 22:20:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 6 I went to a sleep over where I was the only guest, and I accidentally wet the bed (that I was sharing with the host) during the night. The next day she blamed her little dog and punished it for peeing on her bed. I still feel guilty to the little dog.
SangfroidSlackJester ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 17:28:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enraging the parents of my girlfriend by pretending not to know what a potato is.
eleventytwelv ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:40:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make your own reply, don't rely on others.
_PixelZ_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:31:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Staying in an elevator and missing my floor because the guys at the front looked intimidating
33whitten ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:13:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are 4+ people that are..."enemies" of mine that live in my apartment complex at my university. One of which lives right across from me. I've had long hair most of my life...I hadn't gotten a haircut in years. I got my hair cut SUPER SHORT so they wouldn't recognize me instead of confronting them...
ohhfasho ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:42:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 28 and went to the dentist for the first time in 15 years. Already dreading the small talk, the dentist asked what I do for a living. I told him I was in dental school. I am not in dental school. My friend applied to dental school once, years ago and that's how I came up with the answer. I then scrambled and fumbled my words like a fucken idiot and tried explaining to him that I'm not actually in dental school but my friend applied once and I just got confused at his question. I felt the need to clear it up with him incase he asked me real dental questions I could not answer. The next hour was stupid awkward.
trillex ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 00:05:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young, a friend of mine asked if he could borrow a game he'd been really looking forward to playing. This was during the summer vacation, so I couldn't just bring it to school.
I figured we'd play it together and hang out so my mother dropped me off at his place, some 5 km away. Knocked on his door, his mom answered and I asked if he was home. She simply pointed to his door and left me in the entry hall.
So, awkwardly, I had to go up and knock on his door and it just felt weird, interrupting someone in their own room for some reason. He opened the door, saw me and simply asked what I was doing there.
I didn't know how to answer such a simple question so I hand him the game. He lights up, says thanks and closes the door again.
I stood there for what felt like forever, wishing I was everywhere else, stuck between a friend I hadn't visited alone before and a mother I barely knew who seemed to despise me. I finally found some courage and knocked on his door again. He opened again and I quickly said my mother have driven off, probably figuring I was staying here for a while. Gave her the blame with an awkward laugh to try to save face.
He just said "Oh." and kept the door open as he sat back at his computer, installing the game. I stood behind him and he asked me if I had been standing out there for 5 minutes. I said no, face red but he didn't seem to notice it.
I saw him play for a good 30 minutes with not a word said. I felt like the biggest, most awkward burden in the world.
After what felt like an eternity, I figured he hated me being there so I went out of his room, him barely noticing and hid beneath the staircase, leading up to his room. Most likely thinking if I was hidden, no one would think of me and I'd not be a burden. I sat there for a long time until he decided to go find me. He called but I said nothing, trying to hold my breath.
He eventually found me and with a laugh, he asked what the hell I was doing under there. I shrugged, came out and watched him play some more.
Now, I really wanted to call my mother to pick me up, but I dared not say a word, didn't want to be a burden, so I never asked for a phone. Instead I decided to go out of his room again, not saying a word, almost sneaking.
I figured I'd just wait the 3 hours until my mother picks me up outside his house, but didn't want it to seem that I had left because he wasn't paying attention to me.
So I left my shoes and jacket inside and went out into the rain. I leaned against the door, just waiting and looking for my mother's car in the distance.
Suddenly the door opened and I fell backwards hard, smashing the back of my head.
I started wailing and it wouldn't stop, the pain, the shock, the awkwardness of the entire situation just bubbled over and I wept. His mother came out, scooped me up in her arms and planted me in their couch and gave me a soda as the crying just became sobs. She examined me gently, motherly but nothing to see. My friend was nowhere to be seen, probably playing in his room.
His mother called mine and she picked me up quickly after. I have never told anyone this.
Fuck feeling like a burden and not knowing how to act normal.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:11:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God that friend was a huge dick, I'm sorry that happened to you.
jasonabele ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:14:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time at Chipotle, they put hot sauce on the burrito when I specifically asked them not to. Instead of confronting them and asking them to fix it, which they would have absolutely done, I threw it in the trash and got back in line.
apostrophie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:19:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I have definitely done.
DiaDeLosMuertos ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:27:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. Fuck Chipotle. You ask them to drain the bean broth and they barely take out any and soak the tortilla in wet beans. You say you just want a little sour cream and they gob that shit on there. You ask for quesorito style and they look at you like you're an alien. Any what's up with that nasty fire salsa anyway? They can Chipotle in hell.
magsterchief ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:47:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently getting a pedicure in a terrible color because I can't bring myself to ask her to start over with something new.
Bedheadredhead30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, I once got like $50 worth of extra shit (lityle designs and like gel or something?) That I had no intention of getting just because I couldn't understand the nail techs questions through her super thick accent. They looked horrible but I was in to deep to tell her to stop.
ManMan36 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember writing lowercase es twice as big so that I wouldn't have to go between the lines on kindergarten line paper
RitzyVagabond ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:03:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a Walmart in an area I was NOT familiar with. My phone had also died while I was in the store. I used my phone's GPS to get to the Walmart and was planning to use it on the way back, too. However, now without a charger, I couldn't use my phone. The mobile chargers they sold were waaay too expensive compared to what I could buy on Amazon.
So instead of spending the extra money at the time in a situation where I actually needed a mobile charger, I decided to use one of the laptops there to look up directions. So I look up the directions and think, "Okay, I should be fine, I just have to make sure I remember when to turn left and when to turn right, then I'm on the main highway"
So, now having the directions fresh in my head, I doubt myself and ask the next Walmart associate I see for directions. I tell him where I want to go, he confuses me with his directions, and for whatever reason I pretend that I understood and thanked him for help.
I got lost for at least an hour, couldn't see well, it was dark outside and the oncoming headlights were blinding because of the smudges on the windshield. I ended up running into someone's trash can. I did not stop to check to pick it up or check for damage because of panic / embarrassment / fear. I know that people saw what I did. I felt so horrible and ashamed of myself for multiple reasons as I should have, I was having a bad day and let my emotions / awkwardness control my actions.
Oilosity12356 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Protip:buy those ripoff chargers then return em after your Amazon order comes.
RitzyVagabond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would have been a good idea, didn't think of it. I was just outraged at the lack of selection and poor prices that Walmart had so I decided against it, but yeah if I ever find myself in a similar situation (unlikely) that's what I'll do.
DandoFabulous ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:14:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a wee in a bush on campus, turned out it was a hotspot for smoking weed. Figure I'd crouch until a group of guys finished their joint. They smoked three joints and I couldn't feel my legs because it had been too long for me to come forward and explain myself.
babelincoln27 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:28:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very sweaty. The guy I'm currently dating is also very sweaty. I'm a p normal weight and shape, just....sweaty. I have many a time arrived maaaaany minutes early to dates or meetings so as not to get there sweaty, then hung around wherever was nearby.
ScaryLittleLamb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:39:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got an email from our college's radio station talking about a meeting about new people. And since I was one of the station's newscasters, I went, figuring that it pertained to me since I was still a first year. Nope. It was an interest meeting, and I felt too awkward to leave. So I listen to all the upperclassmen I already know give the same spiel I've already heard, tour the department I'm already in, and just kind of stayed quietly in the back.
The kicker was that it was the first time I met our faculty advisor; he never came to our other meetings, but he was there and he just kept pushing me to talk to everyone else and ask questions. One of the upperclassmen broke the news about me after. Turns out I was one of his favorite newscasters....
MattyJRobs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:39:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was having horrible stomach cramps one day. My boss was giving me one of these long-ass "you're an idiot and I'm going to read you a thesis I wrote about it" lectures. Instead of saying, "Hey, excuse me for one second because I'm not feeling well" I totally sharted.
I still work for him.
baref00t ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:49:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was in junior high i was sleeping over at my friends place and i woke up and really had to piss. Unfortunately for my younger, more awkward self his parents were up and about and i really didnt want to have to interact with them. Luckily for me he had a sink in his room. That goes down till this day as the most tense and stealthy piss ive ever taken.
NaahFam98 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:16:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 of my roommates are in a couple and one day they started arguing. It went on for a very long time. So rather than go to the bathroom and risk seeing them, I decided to try pee out the window. Well I was a little bit too short to clear the window and ended up wiping pee off my window sill for quite a while.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:17:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always do stuff myself, even if i have no clue. Because i never ask for help.
KewCrew ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:18:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was invited to a party in high school where I knew like 2 people. I was extremely awkward and didn't talk to anybody. I was too afraid to leave and make a scene so I sat by myself on the couch with a dead phone until everyone left
Skay_4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:30:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was out with by boss at the time and a coworker, we went to a drive through to get some burgers and he insisted on buying me 2 massive burgers. I couldnโt even finish one. Instead of carrying the bag up and throwing them away at his place, I was too scared to let him know I wasted his money so I stuffed them in my coat pockets and acted like I ate them. I saw him glance at the pocket bulge a couple times...he knew.
JimTheFishxd4 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:33:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend invited me to a party but he was the only one that was going to be there that I really knew/liked.
The party would have usually been a little over 2 hours away, and I planned on going after work.
Buy that day I was at a training about an hour closer to the party, but I decided to drive down right after anyway figuring the traffic at 4:00 on a Thursday outside of New Brunswick would hold me up till 6:00.
So I get there at 5:00 and instead of just going in like a normal person I drove to a diner and sat in the parking lot listening to podcasts for an hour, then I found out my friend was gonna be late so I ended up just driving around Ocean County for about an hour, got gas, and went the party.
PM_ME_YOUR_HEIGHTS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:35:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on my way to work. When it was time to get off, I felt too awkward to tell the driver that I couldn't find my phone. I got off and hoped that I had it in my jacket or bag somewhere, but I didn't.
Never got my phone back T_T
duermando ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:42:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 11, I forgot three tennis rackets belonging to my parents at a friend of a friend's house. Didn't wanna go back and get them because I didn't know the guy well enough and was too shy. I'm 30 now and still haven't ask for them back. Parents also forgot about them.
nintrader ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:44:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm trying to go somewhere and I feel like I've been walking behind the same person for a while, I just go a different route because I don't want them to think I'm stalking htem.
AckmanDESU ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:52:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plenty of times Iโve waited in line like 10 minutes to use the toilet in some random place because the I canโt use the ones hanging on the wall. Iโm just standing there watching like 20 people come in, look at me like are you gonna take that spot or...? And Iโm just staring at the toilet door, only to pee for 20 seconds while holding my breath because some dude took a giant shit for half an hour.
Sometimes when I do this while drunk Iโm really not sure how long it takes but it feels like my friends have aged by the time I come back.
mike6452 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:59:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend backed into my neighbors car. He told me he did it. They came over later that day asked if i knew when they caught me outside. I said no bit ill go ask my parents. After about 10 mins I went back outside and fessed up and blamed it on social awkwardness
LordOfLimerick ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:59:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I see someone using a urinal in the bathroom, I use a stall so I don't have to pee next to them. If the stalls are full, I awkwardly walk to the sink, wash my hands, then leave.
Red-Tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm with you on this one.
I'm down for having just stalls in public bathrooms and abolishing urinals.
I_am_a_Sad_Fish ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:05:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a difficult time sending food back to the kitchen (partially because I'm awkward, partially because I've worked in kitchens and don't want to be a pain in the ass).
I ordered a personal size pizza that ended up being way spicier than I had anticipated, so proceeded to power through the pain and eat the entire thing because I didn't want to talk to the wait staff and have them see how much of a wimp I was.
MoonsHugger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:19:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got blond hair because I couldn't insist on what I wanted when the hair dresser said it wouln't fit me and that he knows better
annairachelle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:24:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this topic. Makes me feel like I'm not alone.
Jeanneisgreat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:29:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rode the elevator up to the 5th floor and then walked two floors down to my actual floor because I didnโt want to be that person the elevator.
Sickemothickid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:33:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my second day in junior high and I had just moved to a different state. I was late to history class and wasnt 100% sure the class I was heading into was mine so I walked past it. Upon confirming that it was I didn't want to be that new guy that arrived late so I went to the bathroom and stayed in a stall until class was over...
meganpv ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:35:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked into restaurant, go up to counter. Waiting politely for woman to ask "what can I get you?" Or something along the lines of that. She never does. I give up and leave
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:42:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was a kid (around 5 or 7), my cousin was visiting with my brother and I was very shy around extended family. I had to use the bathroom and his room was right next to the bathroom. For some reason, I just could not handle the thought of them hearing me pee. So I pissed right there on the couch. Fully clothed.
sensibleusername69 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:54:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my first year of uni, I was 10 minutes late to my first class. I turned around and went home because I was too awkward to walk in late. I didn't turn up the next week because I'd missed the first one and was too shy to be the new kid when everyone already knew each other. Repeat for 7 weeks.
RolliePollieMassacre ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Erection time. So I was like 12 years old in a middle school gym class while the teacher took role. We were sitting in rows outside and the girl in front of had some boobies and I was fornicating her mentally. Well I got a solid erection going when it was time for us to get up and run laps, having an erection I had to stay seated while everyone else left. Everyone knew.
Spaghetti_Bender8873 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:07:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude it ALWAYS happened in gym class! WHY?
RolliePollieMassacre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because girls in shorts
avenp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, at my last job, I forgot the combination to my locker and instead of informing someone I locked my work laptop in a locker I took my lunch break to buy a lock cutter and cut the lock off.
zonnebloemetje ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:58:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Taking a shitload of clothes into the dressing room, so it doesn't look weird that I need 20 minutes to decide if I want to buy one specific clothing item.
Crimsai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:59:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guy at the counter told me to tap my card on the scanner. I did this without thinking about how I don't have a contactless card. I had to just keep going with it and leave without my stuff cause I was too nervous just to admit what had happened.
Agent8923 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:00:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have bad anxiety, it was my first time getting the bus in a new city and you can just tell the driver where you're going and he'll tell you the correct amount but me being me freaked out and ended up paying ยฃ8 for a weekly ticket when it'd have cost me ยฃ1 to get to where I needed to go.
I_had_lasagna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, in the waiting room at my (then) new therapist'sโ office (it was a shared office with no receptionist) one of the other therapists popped her head out the door, and upon seeing me there, she asked who I was waiting for. I, of course, immediately blanked on the name of my therapist, and in an instant moment of awkward panic I feigned a coughing fit while I tried to remember the name. I thoroughly startled the lady to the point she thought I was choking and offered me a glass of water.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:03:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got up and walked out of the room during 2012 presidential debate because I was uncomfortable that the candidates kept interrupting each other.
GentlemanMax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:06:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get a free lunch at work but I'm not sure how much the allowance is and I made a mistake once and the cashier pulled me up on it. I have eaten elsewhere and paid for my lunch for 4 years now.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:08:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was too nervous to wake up my mother from her nap by going into her room and saying "hey mom, wake up" so I went on a walk to the store, and this was in the winter so it was really dark outside and I called her from the store.
Procrastinatius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought severely overpriced items from stores (think phone charger from a gas station) because Iโm too embarrassed to say something once itโs been rang up.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:54:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm walking home and about to cross a street and a car rolls up, I just turn down the other block instead of crossing the street because I don't want them to have to stop for me
LoveIsRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same!
nun_atoll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is me, every time.
TheMaviene ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:56:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of staying inside the lobby of a theatre before a show and being social I went outside and called a friend and had a nervous breakdown about how nice the house manager was.
chief_justice22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:57:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on the high school golf team. We were out of town playing a tournament and I had the bubble guts. We were about to tee off on the next hole when I suddenly get the urge to drop a duce. The nearest port-a-potty was two holes away. So instead of trying to hold it, or going to the normal bathroom, I purposely hit my drive into the woods. I hit it deep enough in the woods that I went to search for my ball and dropped my pants then grabbed a tree and proceed to drop my guts out of my b hole. But then I didnโt have anything to wipe with, so I had the brilliant idea of wiping with my boxers and stuffing them deep in my golf bag. Eventually when I got to the port-a-potty I rushed in and ditched the boxers down the hole and finished the rest of the clean up with some TP. I proceeded to free ball it the rest of the tournament and had a great round after that. Such great memories.
sugarplum1711 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:00:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In highschool I attented this event at a mall, a local celebrity was going to perform and there was a lot of people. The host had the audience play a game of Bring Me before said celebrity shows up, something like an ice breaker. Whatever.
Host said to bring her a school ID. Without really thinking, I sprinted upfront, my school ID in hand, and I was on stage with a mic shoved to my face.
"Oh wow, you're from (school name)" says the host. I happened to be from a well-known private school. "So how's the quality of the education there?".
"Uhhh, not that good?"
It was a great school but awkward me just realized I was on stage getting judged by the entire audience.
Lerxtwood ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:09:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peed in the bushes behind a german gas station because I didn't have any Euros to tip the bathroom attendant. I hadn't exchanged any money yet, so all I had was dollars. I had hauled ass out of the airport in my cheap Citroen rental, just wanting to get out! The thought that the attendant probably would have been cool with a couple of greenbacks didn't enter my jetlagged brain once.
bgpawesome ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:16:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waited inside the bathroom stall at work for everyone to leave before washing my hands because I wasn't feeling social enough to have a conversation.
DankBrotatoChip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:25:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sooooo... I work at a scout camp in the summers, and we do some firewood collecting and brush clearing every now and then. Because the hatchets, saws, and clippers were all extremely dull, I bought myself a machete. It was an amazing, work saving, effective tool that I love (and still use). Until I hit my knee with it. I cut into the actual joint of my knee, and nicked my tibia. Not a small injury. I spent several seconds trying to figure out how to call for help, and instead of screaming or yelling, I kinda just said, "Uhhh... I need to go to, um, first aid." Fortunately, someone was close enough to hear me. That person happened to be one of the female staff members, who was visiting from another country. She had a more appropriate reaction, and ran off screaming to get help. Meanwhile, I tried to walk down the hill I was standing on, on my now injured leg. I proceeded to casually joke with everyone giving me first aid, and as they carried me off, I yelled "Keep up the good work!" They all laughed, and they still tease me about it.
Phoeptar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:48:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I followed an employee around Home Depot for half an hour as he showed me everything they sold in relation to home lighting, in multiple departments across the store, all because I initially asked about LED strips for a lightsaber I was making for a cosplay. All because when he asked what it was for I said ... my kitchen?
lotekjeromuco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:04:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was trying real hard for four years not to show any signs of obsession with one guy in our class, but instead what other girls do, I suppose, flirt and work on their appearance, I was transforming myself into him. I would laugh in a way he laughs, and that was pretty odd because sometimes he would push drink, like Cola or something through his nose. It would sound like pig's squeel. One special time I had a flu, they were making jokes and laughing all together and I was sitting alone in my corner as usual (introvert), and heard all that and it was so funny I could not stop myself and pushed my
nasal secretgreen mucus through nose. Luckily, I was totally invisible for everybody so I just wiped it.BadassGateway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nasal secret ?
lotekjeromuco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do you call that green mucus from nose?
BadassGateway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:48:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So your nasal glands secrete secrets, cool !
lotekjeromuco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would not know. So how do you say this correctly!!?
BadassGateway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its not wrong , just odd and a bit funny. :)
rainbow-notso-bright ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:14:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People are usually confused whether to call me by my first or middle name, so whenever people ask I kinda stutter for a bit then say "whichever is good for you"...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk an extra 6 blocks to turn around because i didn't want people to think i was lost
KoolaidAndClorox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:17:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wrecked my car shortly after highschool and have had to ride around on a crappy bike since. I was on the way to my friends house to light up, and I saw someone I used to go to school with driving on the road next to me. I had to cross the road but since she was there, I chose not to and ended up taking a turn I didn't need to and rode in a circle to come back and cross at the same crosswalk so she wouldn't have a reason to notice me.
neraf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People couldn't pronounce my name so I changed it
edallsant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:21:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent arond 98% of my break time at high school inside of a bathroom thinking about online games and how much I wanted to end my life. One day the janitor started camping outside of the bathroom and I was so pissed because I thought that because of some horny teenagers I was forced to interact with people... It wasn't because of them...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:28:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Enjoy your meal, Sir"
"Y-You too"
Gotmilk5 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:31:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my friends was new to the uni we go to and she got onto the wrong bus to her dorm and rode it a whole loop for two hours downtown and back to where she started.
DeciduousTree ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:43:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy who was in my orientation class at work asked me out and I said no, for some reason I felt really embarrassed about it and didn't want to see him at all again. We worked in different departments so it was rare we'd have a run-in. But one day I was walking down the hall in the hospital we worked at and saw him approaching, so I turned immediately right and walked into the open elevator that happened to be there. I rode it up to the 5th floor, then realized if I rode right back down he might be there waiting to come up, so I got off and awkwardly hung around the nursing station for a few minutes before wandering off to a stairwell at the opposite end of the floor. When I got downstairs I took a super roundabout way back to my office and luckily didn't see him anywhere!
gorillasama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:43:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At graduation one of my friends said congrats but he was at another row and the line was moving fast so I quickly said thanks and nothing else. I probably should have congratulated him too.
Also this I'd not exactly on topic but this also happened because I suck at communication. My mom was texting me in another language and I was talking to my friend about food. She said "cheddar cheese doesn't taste good" me being a cheese lover, I said "you don't taste good." Then I realized what I said in front of a whole bunch of classmates that were all listening to us.
caztk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:44:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my parents were repairing the upstairs toilet, so it didn't flush but being the household idiot I forgot this. In my defence I was in the middle of hearing my friend rant over the phone, of course I took a shit and not wanting to be yelled at by my parents I fucking scooped the shit out and CARRIED it over to the next bathroom instead of telling them.
it was fucking disgusting.
milliondollarbaby1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:44:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate being late for things, so much so that I normally show up like 15 minutes early. I made a doctors appointment recently for 8:00am. I showed up at 7:30 because I overestimated traffic. They weren't open yet. The office is located in a hospital, so I just went and sat in the bathroom down the hall from the office. It was a 1 person bathroom, people came and knocked and I was too embarrassed to say anything or to leave because I had been in there for too long at this point and the office wouldn't open until 8. I guess someone went and got a janitor because they thought no one was in there and the door was just locked. The janitor knocked I thought it was just another person, so I didn't say anything, they unlocked the door and I'm just sitting on the toilet, pants up. They looked super embarrassed, I turned beet red and instead of saying anything started to pretend using sign language to make up for the fact that I hadn't said anything to anyone who knocked for the past 20 minutes. I then left the bathroom and had to go stand in front of the neurology office door for another 10 minutes until they opened. Next time I will just sit in my car.
TotalFreedom420 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:53:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not Pee.
I'm standing at the urinal, and look around to make sure no one is going to stab me, before I unzip to piss. Coworker decides to come in at that moment, and out of all the urinals and toilets, decides to take a stand on the one directly next to me. I pretend to finish pissing, even though I never started, wash my hands, and leave. Idk what it is, but you can't come up behind me, stand quietly next to me with your dick in your hand, and then expect me to be cool about it.
ForkLiftBoi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:58:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was meeting with a high up at my company, maybe 0.1% of people are as high up as him. It was a mentor meeting and I'm only 21. So it was a pretty big deal for me to meet with him. My facility is 1,000,000 ft2 . After we were done he goes "Well it was nice meeting with you." He thought I had to go a perpendicular direction as him. Naturally, I walked around the whole building to get to my desk.
Anydayn0w ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:59:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went the wrong direction coming out of the subway in NYC. Instead of turning around, I decided to walk uptown a block then make a left heading east and then make another left heading downtown (the direction I should've travelled in the 1st place). So I get to my 1st left and the street is closed, so I had to walk another block. I went to the next street and made my turn. Get to my 2nd left and there isn't a street there, so I had to walk another block. All told I walked 8 NYC blocks out of the way to avoid simply turning around and walking in the opposite direction.
DiamondPickle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:00:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck this thread is going to kill me from laughter..
letienphat1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:02:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
introduce myself with my last name cuz my real first name is Phat and i cant just go im Phat nice to meet you.
TheGapper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:04:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was messing around with a ouiji board with friends one night and I tried to get a laugh by pretending to get possessed and fall over all catatonic. Didn't get any laughs and I let it go on far, far too long.
SkyWalkerOG16 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:12:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 7 years old I spent the night at a friends house and ended up wetting the bed. I was way to embarrassed to say anything, so I just slept in my piss until the morning. I lived across the street and left as early as I could without my friend waking up. His mom found the wet sheets and called my mom. He made fun of me for a very long time
Zoey2070 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:13:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was so afraid of having to go to the office in middle/high school that i made sure i was never EVER late/absent so i wouldn't have to talk to the secretaries.
Mirmalade12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a pet store and this girl came in and I was helping her pick out dog food. She was a little quirky. If I moved one way she would move the same way. A close talker. So we get up to the register and I'm ringing her out and we're talking and she says thank you for helping me and reaches her hand out as someone would to shake hands. So I shake her hand. Turns out she was reaching for the receipt in my other hand. My face had never gotten so hot in my life. She went along with it but I was mortified the rest of the day!
medicated_parrot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:14:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In grade school I enrolled in a fun summer class on how to cook simple recipes. One day I arrived what I though was on time but no one was there. I walked the halls looking for people. Then I heard footsteps and instead of asking what happened, I hid behind the corner and waiting for the janitor to pass. It happened again as I was walking around, but got caught by the teacher teaching the class. She asked why I was hiding, and I denied it, even though she caught me hiding.
medicff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before my wife and I started dating we were, and still are, best friends. I would ditch the girl I was going out with to hang out with her. We met more or less through our parents. Her dad was a captain of their volunteer fire dept while my dad and I were instructors with our fire dept. So her dad has and always will be in a position of respect.
So where I messed up. Our scout group was camping near their place for the weekend. I donโt poo at scout camp since it was winter and hell no.
I went to my wifeโs parentโs place, where she lived at that time. We were hanging out and all that when I felt the grumbles. By this time I would have been home if I didnโt stop in to say hi. So I went to their bathroom which was just off the hallway right by the kitchen.
I D E S T R O Y E D that toilet. Three days worth of food that had been brewing. After about 30 mins. I came out and was too awkward to turn the loud fan on. So I just closed the door. 15 mins. later my BIL went in there. The smell hit him at the doorway and he just looks at me and goes โWhat. The. Hell. Did you do in here??โ
xthickbrownroundx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:19:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forced myself to eat seafood when I didn't like it because my ex boyfriends family made some for my birthday dinner. I didn't know that's what we were having until after I got there. It was gross.
Mythologicalcats ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:21:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I drive a good mile or more after making a wrong turn, just because I feel too awkward to pull into a driveway and turn aroundread
OhGodDammitPope ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:23:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cute clerk at 7-11 held out her fist at me after I paid and I fist bumped her. It took me a minute to realise she was trying to give me my change.
clipset909714 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:23:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the 5th grade I was a fat mess. Throughout my whole childhood I was overweight. So for PE class one day we were doing some kinda fitness challenge and we had to do some kind of exercises in groups of ten or so while the other kids watched. I was always getting bullied, hit, called names, just because I was overweight. I was TERRIFIED of doing any kind of exercises in front of anyone because I knew thereโd be all kinds of laughs and remarks. It wasnโt in my head, Iโd get brutally roasted in front of everyone if I participated in PE that day. So whatโd I do? The only thing I could do to get me out of school...I got myself sick. I took a handful of Tylenol, I honestly donโt remember how many, but I took enough that I knew Iโd be sick as a dog the next day. Sure enough I was. I was dry heaving, had the sweats...it was a horrible day. But it beat having to go to school and do PE.
blackbeardpepe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:24:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. 8th grade. Some students including me were changing desks. I ended sitting where a girl just got up from. I saw her long hair on the chair. Instead of brushing the hair away or not caring and sitting anyway, I loudly said, โ oh my god, whos hair is this?โ The girl was sitting behind me, she looked up and said, โare you afraid of hair?โ
Everyone started laughing, including the old teacher. He came up to the front of the class and asked me if I was going to be ok sitting in the chair. Everyone was laughing at me. I had no excuse for why I said that. I sat down.
sultanpeppah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:26:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once kept multiple full bags of garbage inside my closet because I didn't want anybody to see me walking out of my room with them.
mrakus2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:27:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose this isn't too bad but a few days ago I tripped and fell into a patio chair on my front porch. My neighbor who was on his porch a few feet away (rowhomes) witnessed the whole thing and asked if I was okay. To which I replied, "Yeah, sorry about that" as I limped away. Lololol
TomakaTom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:29:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed a lecture due to flu which meant I missed the group mate picking stage for our assignment. Never had the balls to ask to join anyone's group so attempted the work of 4 people on my own. Failed the module and had to redo a year at uni, costing an additional ยฃ9000 ๐
Rummy9 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:32:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered takeout from a place that had been open for about 3 years, but it had been 4 or 5 months from when I had last ordered it. I showed up to pick it up and the decor was different and my food wasn't ready yet. I picked up a menu and everything was like 3x more expensive as it used to be. You used to be able to get the lunch Hibachi Chicken for $6.25, but now its over $17 and their website still had the old menu. I peaced out and left when the front desk guy went into the back to get my food.
Lilythechihuahua ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:33:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never correct someone when they say my name wrong. I just go with it until they figure it out and apologize for the mistake. But I tell them it's no big deal.
RipleyAugust ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:34:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend slammed her car door on my hand which luckily got trapped in the weather sealing so it wasn't too painful. I didn't want her to feel bad or awkward for hurting me so I pulled my fingers out of the door while it was still closed instead of telling her to open it.
hypnotizedwhirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:37:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a classmate's birthday party when I was a kid, and was incredibly nervous because I didn't know anyone there except my classmate. When it came time to eat, I was afraid to eat food that strangers had cooked. Everyone kept trying to get me to eat and I wouldn't. My mom didn't feed me before the party because she figured I would eat there. I was so hungry that I started to feel sick. Ended up calling my mom to pick me up early from the party just so I could eat.
I've had a lot of socially awkward moments at parties, but this one is by far the dumbest.
pm_me_wienerdogpix ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:45:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm a regular at a nail salon and I book my appointments under the name โPriscillaโ.
The owner always greets super enthusiastically as Priscilla and I am too ridiculous to correct her.
Sheโs been that way since my second visit. They remember my kid, details about my work and family, my favorite colors, but not my actual name.
128Gigabytes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:48:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure you meant accidentally doing awkward things but I'm gonna share this anyway
Where I used to work people always gave me shit because I would put hot sauce on most things I ate and it was really annoying
Well one day the managers brought cupcakes for everyone to celebrate an older workers anniversary of being with the company.
People were making jokes saying I was going to put hot sauce on my cupcake, so I slowly reached into my backpack, got my hot sauce, and drowned my cupcake in it while looking them in the eyes as the room fell silent, and slowly ate my cupcake. First bite I realized how horrible of an idea it was, but I had to keep going because it was too late to stop.
No one ever mentioned me eating hot sauce the rest of the time I worked there.
Account_Attempt_8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:51:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my first week at a computer shop as a technician I was working past close with only the owner in the building trying to get caught up on an order. She was in a separate office away from my work area.
When I had processed all the remaining systems I went to ask what to do next. She wasn't there. I checked the building. No one. Doors locked. Alarm on.
I had no contact information for anyone except office numbers and didn't really know any of the employees yet. I waited an hour trying to busy myself hoping someone would return. No one...
So I called the cops and proceeded to explain the situation. They ask if I work there. Well yes...but i didnt know anobody's name and did not have a uniform or anything that would make you think I worked there.
The cops get ahold of the operations manager who calls someone close by with keys. Two minutes later the owner shows up and walks in. I said I didn't know where she went and didn't know what to do next. She said she had just gone for food, thought I'd take longer and if I was done I could leave.
At this point I thought she was the one they called and she was aware of what had happened. Nope. The operations manager got a good laugh after another employee showed up to let me out and then explained what had happened to the owner once I had already left....whoops
TheJackFroster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:05:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was about 12 when me, my sister, mum, dad, gran, granddad, aunt, uncle, other uncle, other aunt and 3 cousins went out for a meal at some restaurant. I ordered a burger and chips. It arrived. I then removed the top bun, grabbed the salt shaker and accidently poured a patty sized layer of salt all over it. No one saw this happen, so I did the only thing I could to ensure that no one ever knew that I made such a mistake. Quickly slammed the bun down and ate the whole thing as fast as I could. I honestly felt like my heart was about to stop afterwards, it was like I had dunked the whole thing in sea water.
cokoneot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:10:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone asked me what my name was and I wanted them to guess, except I never said "Guess" so I just stood there like a dumbass with a smirk on my face until someone had to answer for me.
LordForthwright ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:14:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was young and at a truck stop. I used the facilities and to my horror the toilet began to overflow. Instead of going for help I freaked the fuck out and plunged my arm up to my elbow and pulled out the clog. It drained but I was mortified at what I had done. I scaled myself in hot water afterwards in the sink.
soliterica ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:17:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a really picky eater when I was little-- so when I was in first grade, I ate these two popcorn chickens and I hated them. I was too timid and anxious to spit them out, so I just puffed my cheeks out like a chipmunk for the rest of the day and never talked to anyone. I finally spit them out when I got home.
mdisred2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is cute.
RCatMac ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:20:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't eat lunch for the first three weeks at a new job because I didn't want to ask anyone where the cafeteria was.
Madmiller13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:28:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asked a worker in a pet/farming supply store where I could find Hot Shots, looking for the warming packs to put inside my boots. She led me to a locked cabinet containing cattle prods. Instead of explaining that there had been a misunderstanding, I pretended to be looking for cattle prods and tried desperately to get into the character of a cow farmer as she asked me questions about what voltage I was wanting and what type of cattle I had.
LiquidLady11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:37:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Third grade, was taking a test or something. I was done before anyone else and usually waited until someone else finished first to see where to put the tests, (I had trouble hearing as a young girl) but this time I thought, fuck it. I assumed she was going to collect the tests at her desk anyway. So I went up to the teacher with my test in hand and asked her if she was taking them at her desk. She responded "on the floor." So I looked at her confused and she watched me. Then I bent down and put my paper on the floor. "ON THE FLOOR!" She yelled back at me, everyone was staring at us now. "...this is the floor?" I responded. She sighed like I was an idiot. "On the floor next to my big chair" which was on the other side of the room. Fuck you Ms Maple you knew what you were doing. You should have been more fucking specific. I'm a much better teacher than you'll ever dream to be. I don't know if this exactly fits the question I just wanted to get it off my chest
atooch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:38:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember in high school all my friends were really slow, so before/ after school I would always be waiting for them. Rather then awkwardly standing there, I would walk around the school so it looked like I was doing something
Beebrains ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:44:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first started working at this company, I had to ask this older coworker a question. He was working on a machine as I walked up, so not to bother him I stood in the corner of his eye and didn't say anything. He either must have thought I was weird, or was interested in watching him work, or maybe actually he really didn't see me (not sure how), but I stood there for maybe ten minutes just not saying anything and looking at the back of his head.
He finally turned around and looked at me, but in my embarrassed mind he had been purposefully been ignoring me until he couldn't any longer, so I put my finger up to my ear like I was talking on a Bluetooth headset and said, OK THANKS, LOVE YOU TOO, BYE, and walked away without asking my question.
Didn't realize until later that if he did indeed actually notice me and was ignoring me, he clearly would have heard me talking on the phone if I was actually on the phone. Oh and I also cost the company quite a bit of money on a mistake that would not have happened had I asked him the question.
backstagebetty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:44:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a conversation with someone I hadnโt seen in a long time at a party and she was catching me up on her kids and work and I peed my pants vs excusing myself. I just could not interrupt to excuse myself... kinda forgot about that. Thanks Reddit. Thanks a lot.
tankmankels ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:45:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife and I have reversed names. As in, her name is commonly used as a guys name, and mine is commonly used as a girls name. On our honeymoon we went on a 7 day cruise. The first night we went to dinner and our waitress called her my name and me her name. We didn't correct her because who cares, we're used to it. Well little did we know that she would be our waitress for the entirety of our trip. And to make things worse, there was another waiter that somehow knew the names in the right order and he would come over and ask us if we were needed anything right as she was approaching the table. Never been so nervous about someone calling me by my own name in all my life.
Historic_LFK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:49:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first got my Samsung Galaxy S3, I didn't know how to answer calls. I would tap the accept icon, and if I tapped it hard, sometimes it would answer the phone (because tapping it inadvertently dragged the accept icon far enough to the right to answer it). So for really important calls, I would tap it really hard.
Finally, I used my smartphone to do the smart thing and google how to answer it - oh - you slide the icon.
I still have that S3, because you know, once you figure something out and get used to it, and you know, technology...always changing...
Same_flame ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:55:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: What is wrong with you people?!?!
audersaur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:00:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two years ago when I moved into my current apartment, I went to the store to get groceries and all of the things that I didnโt have, since I had been living with my sister prior to that. I had a full cart, and racked up roughly $250 worth of stuff... My card was declined. There was money in the account, but my card was declined. Most people would call the bank at that point. Me? I looked the cashier right in the eye and just walked out of the store. I now rarely go to that store, and only use self checkout.
I also work at Starbucks, so Iโm regularly taking peopleโs names. I always ask them how to spell their name. My name tag doesnโt say my real name, as I had an issue in the past with a customer from another job essentially stalking me on social media. The way I figure, if they donโt know my name, they canโt find me. I was joking with someone today about people being particular about their names, and mentioned that my name (Audrey) gets misspelled a lot for some reason. The customer looks down at my name tag (Maud), back at me, then back to my name tag. If I wasnโt so awkward I would have explained that it wasnโt my real name, but instead I remained silent. He looked puzzled and walks away without another word.
trashsepticeye ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:01:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the 8th grade, I couldn't open my locker. I tried the combination a bunch of times, and even had my friends do it too. But it wouldn't open. Instead of going to the office or talking with a maintenance person, I shared my locker with my friend for the whole year.
Near the end of the school year, my family was going to move. So on my last day of school, I had to go to my locker with someone from the office who would "help me clean out my locker." They had a checklist paper with my locker combo and they told me to open it. And it opened. On the first try. On my last day. That was the first and last time I ever opened that locker. And when it opened they were like "Oh you already cleaned it out, you could have told me that and we could have checked it off already."
cyranothe2nd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:01:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Practice saying hello to my co-workers so many times in my head that I begin to think I say hi too much and so don't say hi at all.
FloppyCatnip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my girlfriend were at a high school football game, we saw my ex and her friend approaching us, my girlfriend wanted to turn and walk around them while I just wanted to walk past them and ignore them. We both try to execute our plans and she bounces off of me twice and we both stumble and trip past them.
penguinpower2835 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:04:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once when my grandparents were driving me the hour and a half from their house to mine, I decided to pull the car door handle while on the freeway. Don't ask why, my six year old brain wasn't very good at processing ideas. So the door just slightly pops open for a second, and I pull it shut real quick. However, it didn't close hard enough to actually latch, and if I didn't hold it, it would re-open. Not wanting to let them know I'm a total idiot, I held the door halfway closed for about an hour on the freeway. No one ever knew.
DerWyrm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:05:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was reaaally shy as a kid. I jumped off a tall mat inside a tumble gym and broke my arm. I told my mom my arm really hurt, and a stranger next to her overhead and said he was a paramedic. He took a look and was squeezing around my arm asking me if it hurt but I was too shy to say yes, so he said I'll be fine. An hour later as we walked out, I started crying to my mom.
RNA2015 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a guy that was a night stocker and I worked in a bar so it was on my way home. For some reason every time I was at that stire when he was he was always on the peanut butter aisle... my roommate finally asked me why we had like 5 different kinds of peanut butter before pausing closing his eyes and saying "the Peanut butter guy is hot isn't he." I said yes and the roommate just shook his head. He knows me so well.
Tananar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not ever but recently... I went to get take out and when I got to the place, I went all the way down to the edge of the parking lot, to realize that I couldn't get out. Not enough room to turn around, and no spots I could pull into to turn around. So now I'm basically parallel parked between two cars, but neither of them would be able to get out. Nobody is around outside, so I start doing what ended up being about a ten-point turn. Then some people come out. Okay whatever, I'll just wait for them to leave before I keep trying to get out. Then the people walk to one of the cars I'm blocking. I don't really have a great view behind me and I had just gotten the car a couple weeks prior so I ever so slowly back up, inching toward them. Stop probably a foot and a half shorter than I could've, go forward, repeat.
Well that was embarrassing. Maybe I'll just drive around the neighborhood for a bit and then go back. I have the most average car in America, a ten year old tan Camry, so they'll just think it was someone else. Now on my way to drive around, I miss the turn I wanted and now I have to go through several roundabouts to just kill time. Crap, I'm in the wrong lane. I'll roll with it. Eventually I'll be able to get in the correct lane. Yeah that didn't work, so eventually I take an exit and realize I have no idea where I am. It's kinda a sketchy area so I decide not to stop until I'm in a little nicer of an area.
At this point I'm in a different city, lost, and hungry. Eventually after a series of arbitrary turns I find a road name I know. Get on there and figure out where I am.
And that's how you turn a drive literally down the road from a 5 minute thing to over an hour.
I didn't get the burrito.
skymeetsthesea ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first day of college ever I woke up 20 minutes late and ended up being about a half hour late to my very first class. I rushed in and sat down in a class of 7 students. It didn't seem right but I didn't think twice about it, I was just embarrassed about being late. About 5 minutes in I realize the word "Finance" is written on the board. Then it hit me that I wasn't in Marketing. I was too awkward to leave so I just sat there until the professor did an ice breaker. He wanted to know our names, major, year, and a fun fact. Most of the people went and when it got to me I said "Hi, I'm skymeetsthesea, my major is International Business, I'm a freshman, and my fun fact is that I'm in the wrong class". Everyone's jaw dropped and I walked out and if that wasn't bad enough, I told the professor "this looks like a cool class, hope I can take it one day!" And then went to my correct class. 45 minutes late.
justhere4thiss ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:26:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of using boyfriends bathrooms I use to make a excuse to leave and go home if I had to use the bathroom for any reason. Luckily I have grown out of that.
jcb6939 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is easily the funniest askreddit thread I've ever been in. I mean most good threads have a few good stories, but all of these are actual laugh out funny
Mechanus_Incarnate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:48:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently in my 4th year at university, my discipline has only 14 people, and 12 of us have been classmates for the whole 4 years. I know the names of 3 of my classmates.
DancesWithTurtles13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:55:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My doctor went to open the door for me. Thought he was going in for a hug. Proceeded to hug him.
Kamikazemandias ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:08:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't all know, a lady's first and early periods can be brown instead of red. I got my first period in school and ran to the bathroom. My pants were stained brown and I had no spare and this is before cellphones.
I clean up the best I can, and as I'm walking to the office to ask to call my grandma, a guy friend saw me and noticed my pants. I was too afraid to admit to my period so I told him I shit my pants.
Oniknight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:09:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot someoneโs name after they first introduced themselves and then we ended up having to work together in a group project or something. So I ended up doing verbal gymnastics to avoid using their name instead of just fessing up to not knowing.
buttflu4eva ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:19:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once got on a bus thinking it was gonna take me home, but it actually took me in a big loop going the opposite direction. Eventually it stopped again at the terminal i got on at. I had a hunch that the route was going to take me the right way after this stop, but i just got off and decided to walk home because it would seem awkward if i stayed on. The real kicker is the bus passed me like 5 minutes later on my walk home
skaspid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:27:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if this counts, but I don't dance at all. This has led to me turning down multiple opportunities to dance throughout my life. One time, this girl approaches me and asks "do you want to dance?" as I'm standing against the railing of a club. My friends had abandoned me so I was just biding my time til we could leave. Not knowing what to do, I just said "I don't dance, okay?" to which she looked very confused and walked away with a look like someone sprinkled cardamom on her chocolate brownie.
On another occasion, a girlfriend in highschool dragged me to her friend's sweet 16 which of course was in a dance hall. At first she thought that I was kidding when I told her that I wouldn't dance with her, but became progressively upset once she realized I was telling the truth. She ended up dancing with a few other people, which I was fine with because I didn't want to dance and because I didn't think I was going to ride with her into the sunset or anything. Still, she was fuming by the end of the night because the truth that I told her turned out to be, get this, true.
The last example I'll share was only a few years ago at a friend's birthday party. It wasn't a dry occasion, so many people were brimming with enthusiasm. I had just gotten off a late shift at the cafe where I work, so while I was looking forward to a drink I wasn't sloshed like everyone else. Plus, I can hold my own in this regard so I knew I wouldn't be getting drunk (it was already midnight my the time I got there). Needless to say, the music was loud and the tipsies were dancing. This beautiful girl grabs each of my hands and starts pulling me into an open area with a hypnotic, gyrating motion which would draw in any sane man looking for that night cap of all night caps. Instead of going with this siren, I pull my hands away and proclaim "I'm sorry, I can't. I have a girlfriend," and when she pressed that it was only dancing, I doubled down with "She wouldn't like it. She's Christian." Well, this stopped the invitation and all further invitations for the night. I stood against the wall with a beer, no girlfriend (not even for the night), and no dreadful prospects of dancing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:46:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted a quiet place on campus to read Matilda, so I went into the women's centre. A few minutes later a group of women sat down around me, apologized to me for being late, offered me a doughnut, and started a meeting. I thought it would be rude if I got up and left so I ended up missing my next class as I just sat there quietly.
Serdaigle15 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:57:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to the bathroom, and I heard someone else coming in. I was just peeing but I for some reason I stayed silent. This person peed, then turn off the light and left.
Oh and I was in a wedding dress because it was my wedding.
Janewaycoffeeblack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:12:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was getting out of my crushes car and my jeans gapped at the back a little bit. I didn't want him to see my butt crack, so I tried to get out of the car butt first. I lost my balance and whilst crashing to the ground cried "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!"
He just stared at me, mouth gaping at my idiocy.
The worst part is that the jeans gap I was desperate to hide acted like a little shovel when I hit the ground and scooped a bunch of dirt and gravel into my butt crack and underwear.
Dragon--Aerie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:32:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretended to want to be my (now) SIL's friend so I could meet her (supposedly) hot brother. For, like, 3 years. We'd have awkward meetings where I would pretend to be into the same music and clothes and shit but I literally couldn't have given less of a fuck.
My shittiness probably had some karmic effect because I didn't get to actually meet or even SEE her brother for years because he was a super serious loner and ditched his fam a lot. They finally convinced him to come to this cook-out I was going to be at and I have never fallen so hard, dude.
So....I guess my years of pretending to be into his sister's weird BS because I was too fucking awkward to just outright say "hey, I want to meet your bro because I think he might be my future baby daddy" actually paid off.
I married him btw. And had his babies.
berniemax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Question is, did you tell her?
Dragon--Aerie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God no. She has fibro, which I was unaware of, and has to deal with all of the weird mental shit that comes with it. I'd never tell her for fear of hurting her feelings but I think, on some level, she kinda knew. I think she realized we didn't have anything in common either plus she was a great deal older than me.
Bedheadredhead30 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:25:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, another one.... I was babysitting for three kids and we were all out front, riding bikes (I was watching) trying to be silly, I "stole" one of the kids bikes, hopped on and tried to ride it. When I went to give it back to him I noticed the seat was wet. To my horror, I realized I had bled through my tampon and shorts and on to his bike. I desperately tried wiping it up while also trying to hide the stain on my shorts. I ran in the house, grasped a pair of the moms shorts and went to the bathroom to clean up. I was using wet toilet paper since I didn't want to stain a towel, and everytime I finished with a piece, I threw it in the toilet . I had my shorts pulled up and was about to flush when one of the kids came barging in. He saw all the blood and starting screaming for his brother and sister "bedheadredhead is bleeding, she's dying" I didn't want to have a period talk with a 5 year old boy so I awkwardly wrapped my old bloody shorts around my foot a d told him the blood was from me stepping on glass. He was still convinced I was dying because he snuck of to call his dad to come home because I was "hurt bad"
When the dad got home, I kept up the glass story because I was to embarrassed to tell him what really happened. I went so far as to transfer some blood to gauze which I wrapped my foot in so he wouldn't be suspicious of why I bled so much from a nonexistent injury.
seeyagoodbye ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:46:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a 16 year old female accidentally walked into full male bathroom. Awkward self decided to play it off and act like I was looking for a lost child. Yelled "Timmy Timmy" and looked under the stalls for little kid feet. Laughed and said oh can't find Timmy and walked out.
azevedro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is quite good
CartoonElixir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:53:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my girlfriend, only a few days ago, we went to mcdonalds she was driving and ordered through the drive through. After ordering and approaching the pick up window we received the first half of our order, the employee then told us "I just have to get the rest of your order" my girlfriend mistakenly thought he had told her to park and they will bring the order to her so she started to drive away, the employee then recited "I'm getting the rest of your order" she responded "yeah thanks" smiled, waved and drove off.
We parked I told her she misheard him and I walked in and collected the rest of our meal. She was very embarrassed but we laughed and enjoyed our meal.
thewanderingdreamer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once at the airport for a helicopter flying class. The instructor came over, said something (which I couldn't hear over the noise) and stuck out his hand. I promptly gave him my empty drink bottle to throw in the trash. A moment later I realised he wanted to shake my hand and apologized.
Daemonblackfyre0 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:30:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A pretty girl in my office wished me a happy birthday and I responded "you too"
Manwellrogeres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:35:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, I went to the toilet in work. I have a pretty good schedule going at the moment, I get to work at quarter to 8, eat some cornflakes, do a bit of work until half 9 then take a trip to the bathroom. I Like to take my time, catch up on messages/facebook etc and normally take around 15-20 minutes. Well, on this occasion, I finish what I'm doing, thought I've been gone long enough and better go back to work. I reach for the toilet paper and obviously with my luck, the one time I didn't check, the roll was completely empty.
I now start worrying. I run through all the possible ways I can get out of this. What can I do now. I have nothing with me at all so the best bet is to run out and simply jump into the next cubicle. Nobody's here now and the toilet is usually pretty quiet anyway so I'll just run into the next one and there's no harm done.
As if by some miracle, right on cue, the cleaner comes in. Now, you may be thinking to yourself - this is where the story ends, u/manwellrogeres asks the cleaner for a bit of roll, wipes the derriere and continues with his day. Alas my dear friends, I decided to go for the next logical choice and wait this thing out. The cleaner won't be long and I'll just hop out into the next stall then. I'm too embarrassed to let any human being know what situation I've found myself in.
I sit there for just over another 10 minutes, cleaner still doing his business, now been sat in the toilet for about half an hour. I'm getting a bit worried, coworkers might think I've just quit. I sit and I wait, frantically looking at my watch, looking at the seconds tick away. I'm going to be in shit for being gone so long. What excuse do I use? Well anyone notice? That's not my main concern right now. Attending to the spread currently latched in my ass hair is what's important. another 5 minutes goes by, cleaner starts cleaning the cubicles one by one. Shit he's going to try and get into mine and realise I'm in here. Knock Knock Knock........ "Is somebody in here?". "Sorry,yep, I'm in here" cleaner continues his business.
Cleaner obviously now knows I've been in here for at least 15 minutes (I've now been in 45 minutes). Now I'm sweating. I've come way too far now. There's no going back. I can't ask him for any roll now, that's embarrassing, I'm past the point of return. He's cleaned the cubicles, he'll leave soon?!
Another 10 minutes goes by and finally things quieten down. I've now been in the toilet for around 55 minutes. Sweat dripping from my head from anxiety. I turn the camera on my phone on and stick it under the little gap at the bottom of the door. Bathrooms all clear. Right, this is it. Time to move. I pull my pants up to just above my knees and do a curious squat and unlock the door then step out of the cubicle, hope glimmering on the horizon.
Well, looks like we're just two peas in the pod as it turns out he must have been waiting for me to finish to continue. There's Mr.Cleaner man stood at the door. Looking right at me in the eyes. I whimper, almost on the verge of tears. Cock in hand.
"I'm so sorry. There's no toilet paper in there".
Man looks like he's about to cry too. Why did I put him in this situation. "You should have just asked me to pass you some under". "I know I reply," bolting into the second cubicle.
After a full hour, I finally wipe the crust from my crack. Flush the evidence and come out to wash my hands. Cleaner stood next to me in shock. He's looking at me. I can feel him staring me down. I can't look him in the eyes and I just power walk straight out of there and back to my desk.
Obviously as soon as I return. Everyone's looking at me. "Thought you'd just gone home, where have you been?!?!"
I can't think of any better excuse and lost most of my dignity anyway so thought fuck it and I tell them the tale. Everyone bursts into laughter, I take it on the chin and continue working.
I've now monitored the cleaning schedule and don't go in that toilet from 9:30-10:30 and actually opt to use the toilet on the other side of the building all together.
I've not seen the cleaner since.
Was the whole fiasco my fault? Oh entirely. Did I deserve it? Most probably yeah.
shadowxrage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:14:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A girl once came up to me with her friend and told me that she liked me .I being a non awkward guy (sarcasm here ) played it off like she just told me a joke and i never met her after that.She was being really shy and it was noticable that her friend was the one who made her do it
RobsterJam ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:21:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had just finished eating lunch with my girlfriend and her best friend at a Cheesecake Factory that shares it's parking lot with a Target and a mall. They were going to go in the mall to shop and I just wanted to go home and poop in peace, so I left for my car.
The parking lot was rediculously packed and I noticed I was being slowly followed by a car that wanted to take my parking spot as soon as I walked outside.
My car was right in front of the restaurant but for some reason I freaked out/panicked and proceeded to walk to the entire opposite side of the parking lot in the hopes that they would stop following me. When I looked back and saw they were still behind me, I walked to and sat down at the bus stop to try and play it off, shaking my head at myself the entire time... Ugh
They finally kept driving and I sat at the bus stop for 15-20 minutes waiting just to be sure there wasn't any chance they could possibly see me walking back to my car after having led them around the parking lot.
massivebumwizard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:27:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The dumbest thing I've ever done was absolutely through politeness.
It was a couple of years ago, and I was in Aberdeen (Scotland) for a business meeting. I was flying in from London and back again on the same day. The meeting started at 10am and was over by 10:30am, but the next flight back to London wasn't until about 5pm. So I had over 6 hours to spend in a City which, without being rude, is pretty fucking boring.
There's a big shopping mall in the City centre where I thought I could kill some time by doing some Christmas shopping. I was wandering around and I was approached by one of those cosmetic sales women who had set up a booth in the middle of the mall. She stopped me and asked if I had a couple of minutes and I responded that I literally had nothing but time. She was very attractive and I was bored so I thought I could just talk to her for 10 minutes and then go and get some lunch.
She starts doing these demonstrations of different moisturizers and scrubs on my hands and, not going to lie, it felt very good. I stayed for a little while because, as I said, she was pretty and I was enjoying getting pampered. I was also getting a good look down her top, so I was in no hurry.
After about 15 minutes, I decided it was time to leave but I felt extremely awkward about taking up this girl's time and then leaving with nothing so I thought I'd just buy the cheapest thing and get out of there. The thing is, the cheapest thing was ยฃ40. For a tiny little bottle of cream. I was shocked, but didn't want to kill the vibe so I said I'd buy it. But then she started bamboozling me with offers and "freebies" that she would throw in if I sent over a certain amount. I'd be lying if I said I remembered the exact details, but panicking I just agreed to everything she said. I handed over my card and it was about ยฃ120 in total. For a couple of moisturizers and some body scrub.
Walking away, I felt like an absolute fool but I consoled myself with the fact that I could at least use these as Christmas gifts for my girlfriend and sister (not the same person) so it wasn't a total waste of money.
But, arriving at the airport, I was told my customs that (obviously) I had too much liquid to carry on to the plane. The choice was to pay a further ยฃ40 to check the bag in OR to throw them away at the airport. I opted for the latter. In fact, I said to the girl at customs that she could keep the products if she wanted. I was too tired and frustrated to care at that point.
So I literally paid ยฃ120 for nothing, all because I was enchanted by a pretty girl and was too awkward to just say no.
Billy_Wildhair ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:37:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, I love this thread. Feeling so happy I've never done anything as bad as these.
finallyAreddit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:39:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened years ago but still pops into my mind occasionally. I was walking home from school (wearing my school uniform) and a car stopped on the road next to where I was walking and the driver asked me something but I didnโt hear the question properly.
I heard the start of the sentence; โHow do I get to..โ but I didnโt hear the rest. I asked him to repeat the question three times and just couldnโt hear properly so I said โsorry, I donโt knowโ and carried on walking. I kept replaying the question in my head until I realised he was asking how to get to the school I just came from.. my uniform said the name of the school on it.
JeMappelleHyun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:51:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stood up for a handshake, person says I can sit, awkwardly stretches legs because I have no fucking idea why.
Cadams06 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:07:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a blind date at a rock concert with a hot guy. I was on a medication that made me have extreme flatulence. Every so often I would get up and run through the crowd and let out the saved up very LOUD farts. I was having an exceptional number of farts, maybe 10 loud ones when I looked back and he was right behind me the whole time.
Hamsternoir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:21:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to this party but I met a girl at a party while at university, we got on well and I walked her back to her halls. She invited me in for coffee. Being a bit drunk, not taking the hint and being a complete and utter dumb arse I said "no thanks see you around and have a nice life" I meant well but it just didn't come across that way.
It still haunts me nearly 20 years later as I took her on a date the following week and we ended up getting married. She brings it up now and then.
crcondes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:27 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yikes
Sounds like she is having a nice life though if you've been together 20 years ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
Hamsternoir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:36 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, being married to me is probably quite a traumatic experience.
Seriously there's been some tough times but we get through them together and the kids are mostly good.
fiftypercentcyborg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:03:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party. My algebra teacher handed out books, but gave me the wrong one so I sat during the first 20 minutes of class acting like I was doing something until he noticed and gave me the right one.
midirfulton ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:08:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work security in a large office building and a significant amount of my time was spent unlocking doors for people who forgot their keys / needed access / etc.
It didn't take me long to realize that about 20% of the time, the door they wanted open was already unlocked. All you had to do was turn the handle and open it.
Sooo I turned it into a game... I would always try and open the door first. If it turned out to be unlocked, I would just hold it open and really overtly be like after you, anything else I can do for you?
Most people would get embarrassed or kinda pissed. Esspecially, since most of time it took me 20+ minutes to respond to unlock a door (wasnt in a hurry to interupt my reddit time).
Tldr: Made people wait 20+ minutes to have a unlocked door held open by me because they never thought to try the door before calling security to have it unlocked.
tacodepollo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:15:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever press the wrong button the elevator? Welp, looks like I'm taking the stairs from here.
TheFire_Eagle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:39:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I get off of the elevator on the wrong floor at work, rather than getting back on and going to the appropriate floor in front of others and admit I exited prematurely, I confidently stroll off as if it was my intended destination and take the stairs.
nanoH2O ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:34:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean pick a day. Just this weekend I was with my parents and ran into a co worker in a shopping area. Said hello, short talk, and then upon byes I realized they were walking to the same parking garage as us. My dad starts to head that direction and I say "hold up, we're going this way actually, to get some ice cream." Half way to the ice cream shop, I stop and say "you know what, I don't want any ice cream after all, let's head out." Crisis averted.
Vaginabutterflies ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:53:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was like 13 years old and had extreme social anxiety when dealing with people I hadn't met more than several times. I was in line at some movie theater with two friends waiting to get popcorn. I kept asking one of them to order for me. Well time comes for me to order, the guy behind counter asks me what I'd like. I just stand there staring for what felt like an eternity before I tried to talk, all that came out was, "Uhhh, fsdgh" (Or some random weird mouth noise that accidentally came out) I could feel my face turn beet red and I just walked off while my two friends laughed. I didn't have any popcorn or soda for the duration of that film.
Sure hope someone reads that, cause I find it fucking hilarious. (I don't really have social anxiety like that anymore, only when I'm in a giant crowd and attention goes onto me do I get a little off, but I can talk through it now where I make myself more comfortable by powering on through and just realizing no one is judging me the way I judge myself in those situations unless I do some dumb ass embarassing shit like that again.)
Un_controllably ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you get over your social anxiety? Or did it go away as you grew up?
Vaginabutterflies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:55 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The main catalyst to me getting over it was when I was in the United States Marine Corps boot camp. Being in all kinds of uncomfortable social situations and consistently being in social settings I would have otherwise avoided definitely helped. From my experiences, and I admit this may not work for everyone, putting yourself into the situations that give you bad anxiety seems to help immensely to getting over the social anxiety.
If that doesn't make sense and you would like me to elaborate more, just let me know. I'm struggling through some nasty hiccups that keep giving me terrible heartburn and I think I may even vomit so I'm not sure if I put my thoughts out in an intelligible format.
eastcoastHan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:13:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I were walking through the mall and were walking by one of those kiosks that sell hand lotion and basically harass you because they want you to try it. I sort of put my head down ready to charge and ignore when I hear the guy go "Would you ladies like to try some hand lotion today?"
My friend looks at her hands, shoves them in her coat pockets and goes "Sorry, I don't have any hands."
GourmetCoffee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:17:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dumbest is hard, when it comes to girls I shut down.
In 6th grade I saw a girl I was crushing on outside school, she said "Hi" to me very nicely and I gave her this really cold, burdened wave for some reason. She never said anything to me again.
On my second online date she took me back to her place two nights in a row and we just watched TV and talked because I was too intimidated to make a move. We didn't talk again after.
One time outside a bar we met some girls, one went to shake my hand and gave me the most awkward, dead-fish hand shake, like her palm was straight at the ground. I didn't know what to do with it so I froze and couldn't speak.
peanutbuter_smoothie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:23:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At our local Blockbuster, I put in a request to be called when WCW Nitro on PlayStation was available. When I received the call that the game was available, my dad drove me to the store and waited in the car. I walk in and can actually see WCW Nitro on the shelf behind the counter. I confidently said "Hi, I'm here to pick up the game." The super nice guy runs over to New Releases and brings back The Game on VHS, starring Michael Douglas.
I didn't say anything and ended up going home without WCW Nitro and renting The Game, which was actually pretty good.
Well_thatwas_random ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:35:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of sneezing and just covering my mouth in a lecture of 800 college kids I tried to hold it in and instead just made a loud fart noise with my lips.
To this day I have trouble letting sneezes go in rooms of people.
cornsack23 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:44:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in England and my best friend went to an American junior school (school for American expats) because his mum worked there and got him in for free.
Day 1 and he hears the other kids talking in an American accent so copies them. Ends up keeping this up for the whole 4 years, even talking to his mum in an American accent at home when he had friends over to play.
lovecraft112 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:46:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a guy on my rowing team, and we both biked home, going in the same direction for about 2km, after which we'd split and go our separate ways. Well I was trying to catch up to him one day after he went his way towards his house and I never caught up... Until I came out of the woods and saw him going into his house. He made eye contact. I went with it, decided to pretend that that was the way I was going home that day... I got close to his house and he said "did you follow me home?"
Yeah I just shook my head, stuttered out a few words like no, home, this way and biked away as fast as I could go. Still haunts me.
eggyveggy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:03:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In elementary school, we were given cards with three options: Band, orchestra, or general music. These were options for which class to take in middle school. I chose general music and that was that. Well on the first day of middle school, I was given my schedule, and went to the classes and went to my music classroom. The teacher said "Welcome everyone to Band class! He aked each student which instrument they played, and I started to panic. I thought of a quick instrument and said "I play the drums!" and that's the story of how I was in band for 3 years.
exactaperfecta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:13:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college, I went to a Halloween house party and got super drunk. There was a ton of people hanging out on the front porch as I was leaving the house, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. All of these people rushed over and instead of getting up and telling everyone I was OK, I somehow felt it would be less embarrassing if I was experiencing some serious medical event vs. just being so drunk that I couldn't walk. So, I just lied there and kept my eyes closed while they kept shaking me and trying to get me to wake up. I did this for like, over 5 minutes while they were confirming I was still breathing until they I heard people mentioning 911 and I got up and walked off.
alissen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:39:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I went grocery shopping and the cashier scanned all of my items, but then proceeded to scan the next person's items as well. I was so shy that I didn't find the courage to say that I needed to pay for mine, so I took all of my stuff, put it in the bag and ran away.
I am not proud.
Spndoc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:03:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Highschool me got embarrassed easily;
went to go get pizza with my mom. We took the leftovers to go in a pizza box and for some reason I thought carrying the box flat looked really stupid and I got embarrassed. So I took it from her and carried it vertically under my arm (and thought somehow that looked less weird).
FreedomMoon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:42:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm at McDonalds I want only 1 cheeseburger and small fries, but because I think they will judge me for buying it, as I'm chubby, I order 3 cheeseburgers and 3 small fries just so they know I'm eating with my friends even though I don't. It's more fun to be unhealthy with more people rather than yourself.
jigglyhuevos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:43:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I moved a lot as a kid due to my parents struggling to make ends meet when I was younger. I was the new student again at another elementary school. I was in 5th grade and I was usually good at making friends but all the moving took its toll on me. Instead socializing with the kids in my table, I would sit towards the end and make hand gestures across the cafeteria to make it look like I was part of a conversation somewhere else. I did this a lot and the classmates never brought it up to me.
AreosAster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:21:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was a first-year math undergrad, I accidentally walked into some advanced course (Fourier series or something), and noticed quite quickly that I'm in the wrong place. So did the other students, as it was a very small class and they probably all knew each other. I was also the only girl.
I was too embarrassed to leave, so I just stayed for the class.
AreosAster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:42:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone had already told a similar story, but it reminded me of mine:
We had a swimming class in 6th grade, but back then I couldn't swim at all. I was the only kid my age I knew, who still needed swimming floats.
On the first lesson we were supposed to be divided into 4 groups: those who couldn't swim at all (and would practice with swimming floats), those who could float but didn't know any swimming techniques, those who could swim in breaststroke on a basic level, and finally those who practiced some swimming.
In order to divide us into groups, the teacher let each kid swim for a few meters to see how they are doing (unless they said they couldn't).
I was very embarrassed, as I was sure I would be the only kid in the first group, so I decided to pretend like I knew how to swim. I thought, how hard could it be, I'd just copy the breaststroke movements, and raise my head for breathing a couple of times. The water was shallow, so I knew I wouldn't drown.
So when my turn came, I pretended to swim. Apparently it worked, and I was placed in the third group. Several years later I joined a swimming team, and several years after that I won my country's junior swimming championship.
raddudefourtwenty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:06:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into my class one day and my desk was missing, so instead of taking someones seat, in an already full class, I just walked out and went home, havent been back since.
TikaPants ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:21:29 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope instead of being judged for how gross I am, yall will understand how awkward I felt and won't banish me for this so here goes:
I was 18 and dating my first real boyfriend who was cool and all that stuff. He lived with his folks still but he had a basically inclusive apartment in his bedroom-- en suite bathroom and a tiny half kitchen. Everytime I had to pee, he could hear me, so I kinda peed on my finger bc it made the tinkle sound silent. Why, god, why did I care? I thought for sure my peeing noise would break us up. I know what you're thinking, I never pooped in the ES BR, I waited till I got home. My poor bowels. In fact, all my girlfriends and I had code speak for "lets go poop at 7-11", it was, "I want a Slurpee." Then a gaggle of high school age girls would drive to the Sev to poop to save us the embarrassment of our guys knowing.
What was wrong with us?!
Let the judging commence...
Edit: my phone is a POS.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:49:18 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's a story. I WAS 30 and went away with a guy for the weekend. I held it the whole weekend. We worked together and on Monday I came to work and said my stomach was hurting. Totally straight faced he goes: well yeah, you didn't shit for three days.
confinedkitty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:05 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a concert with a boy that I liked. He really liked the band and I was pretending to to impress him, though I had hardly every listened to them. It was a crazy dance floor and I lost him. After what felt like a couple hours the lights came on and I thought the concert ended so I made my way out of the hall and to our predestined meeting place. Once outside I realize the concert wasn't over, they were just switching bands. The main band we had come to seen hadn't even started yet. I wasn't allowed back into the hall so I waited outside for the next couple hours in the snow in my t-shirt. When I finally did meet back up with him I was so embarrassed I lied and said a staff member had kicked me out cuz I went to a bathroom passed the no re-entry point. I maintain that lie to this day. Hahaha uhh.
sumpteric ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:23:26 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was taking clarinet lessons in 4th grade. My brother would get sax lessons from the same teacher for an hour following my clarinet lessons. I would sit in the living room during the lesson. I was too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom. It got to the point where I peed my pants, like couldnt stop until my pants were pretty soaked. I ended up asking to go to the bathroom anyways, and when I did, I splashed water on the rest of my pants so they were all the same color- I hoped he woudlnt notice this way.
Rezient ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:01:38 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was about 14, I saw a really cute pug sticking its head out a window. I really wanted to pet it but was too scared to go ask the owner, so I just went up to it to pet it. It started barking angrily... the owner came into the room... we locked eyes... I ran so fucking hard for absolutely no reason. Looking back now I probably made myself look FAR more suspicious than i intended...
queenkittenlips ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:39:36 on October 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the bathroom and my older brother came into the house and sat at the kitchen table with a few of his cute friends. I didn't want to leave the bathroom and have them think I was pooping. Not sure why I thought they would think that. So instead I opened the door a sliver and hid under the sink....for like an hour... listening to their conversation. After they finished talking and I heard them leave the room I left the bathroom and walked up the stairs and I heard one of them tell my brother I was in the bathroom the whole time.
nrbrown95 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:27:51 on October 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but a girl turned up at the bar I used to work for claiming she was here for a shift and Iโd never seen her before so asked management if we had a trial shift that night and he was like โI donโt know anything about it, but maybe someone just forgot to tell meโ.
I showed her to the office to put her bag & whatnot away, and she was like โseeing as Iโm early, can I just nip for a cigarette?โ So I was like โyeah sureโ and she just never came back.
I went to the bar next door for a drink when my shift finished and sure enough she was stood behind the bar, serving. She looked absolutely mortified when she saw me and I laughed and was like โso about that shift...โ and she explained she had already had a couple of shifts at the bar next door but accidentally walked into our bar and was too awkward to say what sheโd done so just played along until she could run out โfor a cigaretteโ and go back to the bar she was meant to be working at.
Pretty sure she didnโt even get past her trial period, but at least she gave it her all.
RhinoVanHorn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:46:29 on November 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a cat when I grew up and would meow to her every once in a while and sheโs sometimes respond. When I moved out of my parentโs house, the cat stayed with my parents, but I just couldnโt get rid of that meowing habit. Especially when I was alone. So when my new flat mate first came to our apartment to look at the room, she heard me meowing from the hallway. I was really embarrassed about it, so I just told her we had a cat. She ended up renting the room for a year and thought we had a cat for almost the first half of that...
aron925 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:20:13 on November 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the beginning of the semester I didn't have my class schedule memorized (but naively thought I had it down). So I went to the room expecting a lecture for my Power & Politics class and immediately realized I was in the wrong class. I had entered a lecture on Chinese theater in the 17th century and even filled out a pop quiz with my name on it because I felt too awkward to leave (I also was towards the front and surrounded by wall on one side so I would have had to disrupt like 10 people to get out). The prof then emailed me and asked why my name appeared on the quiz and I had to embarrassingly explain lol.
Sammy_333 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:31:27 on November 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a pizza place. When I was 2 weeks in a pizza fell out of the oven and I caught it with my bare fore-arms. I carried the pizza to our cut table and set it down. I had 3ed degree burns along my fore arms. But my boss looked busy so I went back to work and finished my 3 hour shift.
Dresslerj1 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 18:15:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost let my little jack terrier get mangled by two gargantuan Pit-bulls because I was afraid if I crossed the street the owner would think I was profiling his dogs as violent.
Well, they were violent. Thank god I scooped up Nina right as they charged her, pulling the owner with them. "Oh I'm so sorry" he said "they never do this"
Thanks! I can imagine if they did maul us to near death at least I'd know that they don't normally do that.
Nemesis_of_time ยท -14 points ยท Posted at 20:47:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any dog under 30 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.
badashly ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 23:23:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does that include pussies such as yourself
nick718 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 23:32:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reference to parks and rec.
but bad timing
Nemesis_of_time ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but I also kinda believe it
Nemesis_of_time ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How's about you go eat a big ol' bowl a dicks?
iveyrock ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:01:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kicked someone in the ankle while trying to arrange a play date for my daughter, and being socially awkward, didn't even acknowledge that it had happened, I just kept talking...
They did not accept the play date invitation.
smeaglelovesmaster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:47:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got married.
Black_Pants ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:00:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking from one building to another in my school and happened to be a few feet behind a blind guy. It had been raining so the ground was slippery and I saw him stumbling and about to fall. I immediately wanted to reach out and help him from falling on his face, but I also didn't want to fuck it up and accidentally push him even harder, so I just let him fall. I kept walking like nothing happened while I hear nearby girls run to him and ask him "omg are you alright?". As I round the corner of a nearby building out of sight I laugh like a madman at the absurdity of the situation and my regretful choice.
He was unharmed.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:17:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm new to weight lifting. A few weeks ago I couldn't figure out how to adjust a machine, and i really wanted to workout using it that day. I didn't want to look like an idiot and mess with it forever or ask, so I skipped my workout that day.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 00:11:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally sprinted away from a girl after talking to her because I didn't know what else to do and she was pretty. I was 12 and had to sprint an entire block to get out of her field of view.
medievalmystery ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:15:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me reading the title: wtf does that even mean?
Me reading the thread: oh. Oh no. Oh god
-staori- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:51:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my cousin visited, I was super nervous because I hadn't seen him in years (I have bad social anxiety) The day he did arrive I had woken up late, dying on the loo. I was worried about bumping into him on the way there so I peed in a bowl I found in my room.
Woodyfixthis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:30:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once shit my pants (just a little bit) because all of my room mates were in the kitchen that the bathroom is connected to. Social anxiety is a bitch...
Zombietarts ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 20:48:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My ex gf clogged the toilet from taking a duece. It was at the beginning of the relationship so she was insanely embarrassed and the plunger happened to be in another bathroom. Instead of calling me for help, she unplugged it...with her hand. Poop...with her hand.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:26:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Zombietarts ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:31:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐ that's fair.
Klowd19 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:52:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If the only parking spots around where I'm trying to go require parallel parking, I will go out of my way to find a spot that doesn't. Even if that means having to walk a mile.
TheRaith ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 00:11:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll get overexcited when I'm talking and end up saying something, but I'll say it wrong. Like I'll use the wrong big word, immediately recognize that I used the wrong word, but I won't say anything because I don't want to appear wrong. So I've actually had discussions where I used the wrong word just because I'm not thinking before I speak, saying perplexed instead of perpetuated, ostentation instead of obligation, ubiquitous instead of unanimous. Shit like that. While I'm acting as if nothing is wrong, internally I'm just dieing inside of shame.
angry-bumblebee ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:08:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dated a best friend who liked me because I was a scared 13 year old who didnt know how to say no to people and was too awkward to reject that friend.
Said friend ended up raping me several months later, likely harboring a lot of resentment from that. I can't say I don't understand. I still have a lot of self blame about that.
Pretty dumb, huh?
RitzyVagabond ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:22:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That escalated pretty quickly after the first paragraph
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:03:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck a thirteen year old raped you?
angry-bumblebee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thirteen, friend was 14 when we dated. Friend was 15 when friend raped me. It was several months later.
Anyway the morale of the story is don't date people because you're too awkward to say "sorry buddy, you just don't jingle my bells".
Ultrimanius ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 23:43:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
epic
astrangeone88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:46:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0) My friend and I, in university. This was before smartphones were common. It's a small town university (some people walk to "main street" to the university), but most people drive. We were headed to a shopping mall on a weird bus route, and we ended up missing our stop. We got off, and wandered around, and eventually got hungry and found an Korean restaurant. We go in, and go eat and upon coming out of another entrance, realize that we were about two streets away from the "main street" strip and within walking distance of the bus stop. We both speak great English and we could have at any point asked the bus driver for directions, but both of us have social anxiety...so yeah...
1) Last winter, my dad and I found a tire specialist selling tires for cheap. We drive out two hours to get there. I'm on my period (I clot heavily and I bleed like the prank Carrie got hit with). I had a few extra pads in my purse, and I feel the mother of all clots coming while I'm in the car. I can't hold it, and when I get out of the car, I feel it slosh out of me, along with a huge amount of blood. It instantly decimates my pad on contact, and I'm left waddling for 15 minutes in cooling blood and being extremely uncomfortable. We get to the mechanic's place, and the public washroom looks like something out of Trainspotting with grease everywhere, and is tiny sized. I decide to wait it out (because I will destroy the bathroom), and ended up spending 1 hour in a failing pad with a sweatshirt around my waist, while the guy's changed our tires. After literally standing around for 1 hour, I'm cold and miserable with blood still pouring out of me, and I finally ask my dad to drive me to the nearest mall. I deal with the pad situation when I get there, but my pants are in need of a good wash AND I was plastered in my own blood. I could have asked about the nearest coffee shop to decimate their bathroom...but I didn't...
Jorden99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:08:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in High School (probably year 8), my mum wanted me to post a letter on the way there in the morning. For some reason I felt embarrassed about holding it (to this day I can't remember why, it seems dumb to say now), so I hid it under my blazer on the way. I was crossing the road, running slightly as there was traffic, when I dropped the letter in the road. I made it to the other side, but I had to go back because not was an important letter. I did so, which made me look like a twat picking it up with the same traffic around me. A lot of other school kids were around as there was a shop nearby. Didn't hear anything about it, but I must have got some weird looks off people that day.
Idk how I've made it to this point in my life.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:35:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was at work and it was just me and the head manager working. i went on break and realized i didnโt have a fork to eat my ramen with so i just grabbed the dunkin straw out of my iced coffee and used that. the scary head manager came in and said โyou know you could use my fork just wash it when youโre done...โ and of course i was like โno iโm okay thank youโ continues to struggle using only a straw as a utensil for noodles
trick_12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:42:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I went into the restroom to go #1 and there was a guy at one of the two urinals, who was around 6'6" or so (really tall). Instead of going to the urinal next to him, which he could clearly see completely over (only if he looked of course), I went into the stall and "pretended" to take a crap and just sat there for about 5 minutes.
Pizzacrusher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pee in the stalls too. when people ask me why I say I I save up all my farting for when I pee, and figure they probably dont want to breathe the air coming out of my asshole, so I do it as a courtesy...
PhoenixRising625 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:47:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few weeks after our first child was born my husband and I were invited to a wedding. I didnโt want to go (Baby was only 8 weeks old) but it was an old coworker friend of my husband so we went. At the reception husband proceeded to get very drunk and basically abandoned me at our table to talk warhammering with the groom and his other old work buddies. I got pissed and almost left the wedding with him. I had offered to drive since I was nursing so I had only had one beer. So I left. I walked all the way to our car and got in. Except it wasnโt our car. It was someoneโs car. I was so embarrassed even though no one saw me do this. Sat there in a strangerโs car for ten minutes crying. Went back to the wedding and basically dragged my husband back to the correct car this time.
Edit a word
Fallapples ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:00:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went to the dentist, and everything was going well until the seasoned doctor came in to give me a cleaning with the dental scaler (scraping tool). My gums were sensitive at the time, and when she started scraping under them, it felt as though she was attempting to shove the tool completely under, while scraping side to side. I was convinced she was purposefully torturing me it hurt so bad. I just took it, tensing my body and clenching my fists, remaining silent until she was done. I was amazed that she didnt notice the anguish I was in throughout. I then proceeded to thank her, and walked out.
Oilosity12356 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:53:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes I hate this as well
j_mann7575 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:00:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gave my friend a wrong turn on the freeway and instead of telling him i messed up navigating I let him keep driving in the wrong direction for 30 minutes.
Sarpk7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:05:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gone to a picnic with friends I donโt really know and I didnโt said anything and eat anything for a day and I wanted to go and her family drived me that was so fucking wrong
Scarecrow119 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:12:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my way home from work there was some road works being done so the busses had been diverted. I couldn't be bothered to walk to a stop where i could get my bus so i decided to just get on a bus that took me out of the town centre and would get on my bus further out. The bus i got on went in the wrong direction around town and came to the same spot. I just got a taxi home after that. it took me twice as long to get home as it normally would.
Colonelmundy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:15:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i hid a friends broken laptop for a solid 3 years. he forgot about it and i think he forgot he ever had it. its actually really creepy because his parents live with him and that was handed down from his mother to him. but regardless it was still awkward
MissGingerPeach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:16:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
allowed the gal who stamped our lunch cards in primary school to address me by the wrong name for the entirety of my time there. too shy to correct an adult. thankfully, I grew out of that ;)
aztecchocolate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:17:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a stutter which is usually fine but can get me into some uncomfortable places.
At my used-to-be-local chinese place you get a free soda with any order of $25 or more. I can usually tell if I'm gonna have trouble with a word (usually plosive sounds), so instead of asking for a diet whatever, I got regular ginger ale because I thought I could say the whole thing.
Stuttered anyway. Much shame was had by me.
Ginger288 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was driving in a car with my boss and she proceeds to make a left turn on a green arrow as a car going straight is heading right towards us. i believe she was assuming they were turning left the other way. I saw the car and knew he was heading straight and made that awkward squeal/pumped the imaginary break as the car barley missed the back end of her vehicle. I don't know why I didn't alert her or scream or bring attention to the situation like a normal fucking person that doesn't want to die?
Squaghetti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dropped my pen under someoneโs desk at school. I didnโt pick it up and just took out another pen.
Then, at the end of the period, I asked them if that was their own and if not, if they could get it for me... rip.
Back_to_you_Perch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:40:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My knee cap dislocated in class and I fell to the ground; everyone went silent and we had a substitute who freaked out and called for a hall monitor person to get me a wheel chair. I could walk fine but everyone was staring at me so I just let the put me in the wheelchair which was extremely embarrassing. Also my phone screen shattered.
RIPN1995 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:43:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought a ticket to see Jobs 2 years ago.
The screen got mixed up and I saw Hunger Games Mockingjay Part 1- i'd already seen it before.
For the life of me I don't know why I stayed and didn't mention the mix up to the staff....
SillyGayBoy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:46:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in third grade we were supposed to bring frisbees and stuff to play with. If we forgot, no big deal, others had some.
Well I didn't bring any and I didn't want to ask anyone and I freaked out and just hid places.
The substitute found me and yelled at me and I cried. I ditched the last period just because I was too scared to face it.
To be fair I hate when teachers make us talk for group things, but this time my reaction to it was... odd.
Mirmlot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: /r/tifu material that should be on its own thread.
bl0bfish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:57:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of asking someone how the coffee maker worked, I filled the coffee pot with water and poured it into the coffee maker. I then decided to hit the button to start the coffee maker unknown to me that the coffee maker had a water source. I come back five minutes later to people eating lunch with coffee spilling all over the floor.
rigolith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:22:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Avoid taking specific routes on the road that have a high chance of me bumping into an old friend or someone I know.
doc_moses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:51:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time i fingered a chick, i stuck my hand down her skirt.......instead of sticking my hand up her skirt.......smh
TinyHandsJim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Insert autobiography....
edubalub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:16:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 15 and worked at a dog kennel...I was too nervous to ask for water so I filled a clean water bowl and drank from it....
treyt42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:20:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOL back when i was inexperienced and had to cold call people at my job, I would call them on my cell from an unknown number and then call them from my desk one second later, so I could be sure to get voicemail from my desk phone and hang up when they answered my cell.
Ganjisseur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:31:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in college more or less staying with my fwb in her single room of a 6-room unit; all female.
We had hit a rough patch and one day while she was out at work I forgot one of the suite mates left her key in her room and would need to be let in at some point. Being absent-minded as I was, I started to lay back on the bed in my fwbโs room and go to town on myself.
It isnโt long before I hear a knock at the window and see the suitemate pointing at the door with an embarrassed look on her face. Iโm mortified as I walk out of the suite, down the hall to the door to let her in.
We exchange awkward smiles, and I walk down the hall with my head down.
To my surprise, she doesnโt walk into her room but follows me into my fwbโs room, sits down next to me on the bed, and puts her hand on my thigh.
I freeze up and donโt say a word until she gets frustrated/embarrassed and leaves.
I donโt think Iโll ever live it down.
TL;DR: Tall, sexy college girl saw me jacking off, walked into my room afterwards hoping to help, and I was too insecure to take advantage.
kragbar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:34:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to catch a bus to my workplace and there was a couple of dudes who'd get on the same bus. One of the guys thought I worked with him, at a factory around the corner, which I did not. I some how ended up playing along and pretending I did work with him. This went on for a few weeks - I'd get to the bus stop, on my way to work, he'd be there, after just finishing a shift at the factory, he thought I worked at....with him... He'd go on and on about who's an absolute cunt....who needs to be sacked...why he never see's me....etc.... Last day I bumped into him....he fell asleep on the bus as we're passing through town....some young kids and I mean young, like 7/8, started throwing pieces of paper at him...he's fast asleep at this time...but then one fateful piece of paper landed on his bald head....he awoke from his slumber in a blind rage and beat the fucking shit out of said kids.... baring in mind he must've been well in his 40's.
Never saw him again after that. Awkward situation resolved.
jonasvagn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So this was not me, but my dad.
We were in Italia, we are from Denmark, a waiter explained the menu of a restaurant to us, we did not know a single word of Italian, and suddenly my dad just says "spaghetti" out of nowhere, with an Italian accent, he sounded like Mario.
Peter_See ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just yesterday I had to get a seat in a lecture hall after coming in a few minutes late (University), not wanting to have to bother people to let me though the isle, I decided to jump into a seat from the top of the hall. nearly fell over and smacked my face on the next row of seats. Awkwardly sat in the chair I landed in pretending like I meant to do that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LoveIsRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like something I would do man lol It happens
Maximus125 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of walking over to people during lunch to sit near them, I just sit at a table by myself and hope people will need some place to sit and sit next to me.
It's worked a few times.
o98zx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:05:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate a bowl of raspierries and salt(i thougth it was sugar) it was to alward to change, and this was with family of all things
Keith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:10:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was walking towards the exit doors in a grocery store next to a friend. Someone started walking in right then and there wasn't going to be enough room for the three of us to be next to each other to get through the doors at the rate we were all walking. So I kind of did a loop to the right and maybe a pirouette(?) to meet back up and exit the door after my friend. Was more awesome than dumb, but I guess the normal thing to do would have been to just slow way down for a few steps.
(Great thread btw.)
CounterSkil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've screwed up my whole life being awkward lol
koneko612 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:13:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not asking someone an actual question, just stalking them online
whatthatboydoing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:17:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does every day of my life count for this..?
running_uphill ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:38:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have never laughed as much at a thread as I did at this one. Good job OP.
iKyNeverEnds ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:38:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in my last year of highschool, I had freshly moved to a new place and missed out on the first few days of school. Me being the awkward kid I was, decided not to take the bus because I'd feel awkward... so for the whole year, summer to spring, I didnt take the bus once because of that small decision. Good time.
lardmanpo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:41:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moved states when I was fifteen, and tried to go trick or treating with a group of fresh new friends for the first time. Didn't bring a bag for some reason, so just ended up following a group of kids around while they trick or treated for candy and I looked like an awkward kid who'd never heard of the concept before. I'm sure someone probably offered to help me find a bag or something but I was already in too deep and just claimed I didn't want to so as to avoid any further confrontation about it. Played it super cool. Ended up marrying one of those kids, so that's cool I guess.
T_Peg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Reddit is full of sad sad people...
Buckcheeks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was sometime the week of Halloween and I went with a buddy to Target, dressed as Waldo.
I donโt know if you guys have ever seen a Waldo out and about, but it gets a tonnnn of attention and comments.
The most awkward one was when we passed these two black chicks, and one says to me, โWhat it do, Waldo?โ
Me being a dorky white kid back then(now Iโm a cool black guy), awkwardly paused and the only thing I could think to say was, โI dunno.โ
Iโm not sure if I didnโt know what โwhat it doโ meant back then, or if Iโm just awkward...but that was my response.
Cromulus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Besides your mom?
Pensive_Kitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:17:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god so many. I call them my โSeinfeld adventuresโ.
So once I told a client that cabbage was supposed to be quite healthy, and also, randomly, that I havenโt seen parsnips in this country, while eating them quite often in the UK.
Next time I saw her, she proudly gave me some cabbage and some parsnips, which she bought that morning at a fancy farmerโs market. โOh, thank you, thatโs lovely,โ I said.
Next week, more cabbage, more parsnips. โHuh, um, wow, yeah, thank you...โ Next week, cabbage, parsnips, carrots, tomatoes. โOk, this is lovely, but you really donโt have toโ... โNONSENSE!โ She hollers. Next week she was pulling a little food cart thing behind her, since she upped it to broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, cilantro, grapes, celery, plums, kale, four types of radicchio, parsley, persimmons, savoy cabbage... If I tried to protest, she waved me away. If it helps to imagine it, she looks exactly like Cruella De Vil.
Every week, for almost a year now, I go to her place, dragging an empty suitcase on wheels, like and idiot, then place all the things she bought me, from her shopping cart, into my suitcase, and then drag my suitcase back home, unpack this mountain of food onto my table, and then stare at it. I canโt eat all that. I canโt even fit it in my fridge. Nothing I can do about it, NOTHING. This is me, for the rest of my life now.
Another story: when I was in vet school, I had a FAKE ring in my ear. At a place thatโs sort of unusual for an earring, higher up, at one of the cartilaginous bends. A cool girl in my class approached me and exclaimed โI had no idea you could pierce that, you are SO COOL, I love it, how amazing!!!โ So I said something like โoh hahaah no yes wait no haaaaauuuugh ehโ. I mean, I have no idea why I was so star struck, Iโm not a lesbian, but she had awesome dreads, and was the most famous lesbian in our year, and I loved her tattoos. So I said what I said. A few weeks later, she comes over to me all proud โLooook! I got it pierced too! The piercer was so difficult to convince, he was all like thatโs not a usual spot for an ear piercing, but I told him you had it pierced there, so to just do it!โ Yeah, I froze. Sooooooo, needless to say, I spent the next few years making sure I have that damn fake earring on every freakinโ day, in case she saw that there was no hole there. Luckily for me, her piercing healed nicely, and I might even have become the start of a new trend. I sorta never wanna see her again though. Totally lost that fake earring.
Not mine, but a friend: She works in a tiny office with just one other person in the tiny office, a boss from a different country, and neither speaks the otherโs language, so they try to communicate in broken English. She uses the work computer, which is all in Chinese, and she doesnโt speak a word of Chinese, so spends most of the day staring at a dictionary.
So one day when her boss was away on a work trip, she decided it would be a great idea to borrow the office vacuum cleaner for her flat, since she was in the process of buying a new vacuum cleaner, her old one died. She left it at her flat a day or two after her boss was back already. Her boss was always a bit suspicious of her, not that she deserved it, she never stole even a pencil. However, she did not know how to approach the subject of โI borrowed the vacuum cleanerโ. A few days later a brand new vacuum cleaner appears in the office. The boss says nothing. Stares at her. She says nothing. They work in silence for a few days. My friend then brings back the original vacuum cleaner, and now there are two vacuum cleaners next to each other, in this tiny office, where two people who donโt understand each other sit and sorta stare at each other. The subject was never touched upon. She still didnโt buy her own vacuum cleaner, but occasionally takes home the new one her boss bought, since itโs better than the old one. Still no one talks about it.
zeldaholic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Staying with family so I was in the guest room. They had just kindly washed the bedding for me but it was still wet. Instead of putting in the dryer or asking for dry stuff I slept with a couple of my sweaters as blankets and air dried the wet bedding on the floor.
Bleiserman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:25:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once realized that i picked the wrong bus in a new place i came for Uni, after realizing thst there i took the wrong bus i was too ashamed of coming off the bus and take another one, so i sat down for like 2 hours till the bus stopped where i was picked. Then i took the right bus and managed to get home.
aeris311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I'll revise and truncate what I want to say so much in my brain before saying it that I end up saying something completely different. Ie:
I'm in a wheelchair, wanted to ask Mom to pick something up for me, mom had been limping about all day with a pinched nerve in her back.
What could have been word vomit of 'hey I feel bad about this and I know your back hurts but there's this thing I need help picking up off the floor do you hurt too much to be able to bend over to pick the thing up?' turned into: Me - 'can you bend over?' Mom - 'WHAT????'
fleaona ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:56:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat through an hour and a half of a business class, because I walked in the back door of the wrong room, instead of the front door of my Cultural Anthropology class. The hallway was long and blank with lots of doors. The classes were all identical and I was the first one there. I should have just got up and left right away, but I sat at the far side of the class against the wall, directly in front of the professor (we had 'guest lecturers' occasionally so I thought nothing of it being the wrong person). I left when he told us to break into groups to work on something. Oops. Also, my real class was only 50 minutes. What a waste of time. This was about 2 months into the semester too..
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didnt want to go through two groups of talking people so i tried to slide between these pillars and got stuck, swear i had it
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am the epitome of a guy who does the dumbest sht because hes too awkward to do the normal thing. I'll list a couple:
I take the long/less traveled routes around my school or any place if it means less human interaction with attractive female girls
I eat my lunch in my car and chill in there alone to avoid contact with other people, even if its 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside.
I take very small, polite bites of whatever food I'm eating with my body positioned in an uptight position if I'm eating with anyone that isn't a family member. Then I take my napkin and lightly clean my lips after every few bites.
-I find any and every reason possible not to leave my home, even if it means I don't eat for that day, just to avoid being seen by other people.
-When guests are over at my parents' house, I hide in in the furthest room and lock it. I don't talk and i position myself in the area furthest from the door so the sound of my movements don't reach the outside of the door.
-I did everything imaginable that was stupid in junior high and high school because I didn't want anyone to see me.
e3crazyb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any particular reason?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm, its hard to say. Maybe I don't care to see other people. I know for sure, I don't like attracting attention towards myself. I guess I do somewhat prefer seclusion. I've traveled alot by myself.
TheNTMRE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:19:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once there was this really cute girl in my school, but I was new at the time and really shy. So instead of talking to her I danced on a pole singing Pour Some Sugar On Me to get her attention. But hey, it worked.
Achruss ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:23:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last 22 years of my life
syscallgrl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:24:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I lived in Boston, I was too awkward to push the button on the bus to say when I needed to get off. I would ride, sometimes for miles, until someone else pushed the button. I would then just walk back to the place I was trying to go and be very late.
I could go on and on about all the stupid things I have done due to social awkwardness.
If you want hilarious answers, watch "Very British Problems."
limelight022 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm taking a shit and someone uses the stall next to me and also takes a shit I will wait until they are done and leave because I don't want people to hear all the noise and splooshing in the toilet.
bronabas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:27:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a foreign exchange student in Germany, and I had my own bathroom on the top floor. One morning I was about to take a shower, so I was naked, but needed to take a piss first. As I was pissing, I sneezed so hard that I shat on the rug in front of the toilet. I had only been with the host family a week or two, so I was pretty horrified. I tried to clean it up as much as possible, but there was a stain. So, I moved the rug into the corner and set the waste basket over the stain. About 6 months later my host mother found it and asked what happened. Before I could answer she asked โdid you spill some medicine?โ Of course I said yes and moved on. She threw it in the wash and it came out, but I yeah... I still wonder if she somehow knew what happened.
Pollux319 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:29:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I realized I've walked the wrong way or passed where I was supposed to go I can't just turn around and proceed in the right direction. I have to either cross a street, enter a building, take a fake phone call, etc .. anything to make it seem like I did it on purpose
syndreamer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to go poop really bad and I really hated public bathrooms at the university, but had no choice. Went into one and sat down. Suddenly, two students came in and I got nervous, so I pinched my butt off right as the head of poop was peeking out and escaped the bathroom to go find another empty one. The other men's bathroom on the next floor was locked and I really had to go so I winged it and went into the girl's bathroom. Was too much in a rush to check if anyone was in any stall next to me and just let out a torrent of shit along with a loud manly sigh of relief.
Unfortunately, a girl who was in the 3rd stall over heard it and realized that there was a man in the woman's bathroom and she left to contact security because Oh No a man is in the girl's bathroom taking a shit...Got a warning not to do that again, but the public embarassment was punishment enough.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that dumb, but I had arrived late to class and realized I had a quiz on a scantron. So instead of asking anyone in my class if they had a pencil and scantron I could use, I literally sprinted to my truck and grabbed all my shit. Probably wouldโve been a lot easier to just ask a classmate.
meat_tunnel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:34:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I went on a road trip with a friend and her family. We were driving out in the middle of nowhere and i had to poop. Instead of asking if we could stop so i could drop trou on the side of the road, I pooped my pants.
Lanmobile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:36:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 10-11 I went on a camping trip with my uncle and cousins. When we arrived I really needed to take a shit so I asked my cousins where the bathroom was. They told me there is no bathroom, use the trees. Welp, okay. So I went what I thought was a reasonable distance away from the camp site, squatted and took a shit. I then wiped with some leaves that had fallen on the ground. I came back and a few minutes later my uncle asks, "Why do I smell shit?" I'm super embarrassed and don't say anything at first, but they quickly work out it was me. They all start laughing and then my cousin said he was joking and I should've said that I needed to shit. I still find this embarrassing to this day.
porcelainvacation ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:36:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the train going the wrong direction, so I just rode the same train to the end of the line and back. It took 2 hours.
Givemeallthecabbages ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:44:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was goofing around--call it showing off--at a work function by pretending to have a karate fight with a younger employee. We were walking out the door at the end of dinner and he waved and ran, so I started to run after him. Instead I tripped, and since we were doing the fake martial arts, I did a forward roll. Snapped the tendon connecting my collar bone, but because other people were watching, I hopped up and bowed like I'd made an amazing save. Then I drove myself painfully and awkwardly to the emergency room.
Reap_SilentDevil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:45:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hit my head into brick walls simply to drive people away because I just hated dealing with people or being watched.
katedojo7606 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:48:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said hi and introduced myself to an ex's wife at Trader Joe's (only knew her from my own Facebook stalking ๐ณ). She did not know me, at all. I had just moved back to my hometown and was totally weirded out by seeing her. When I realized I had literally no reason to say anything at all to her, I mumbled something about how I was an old friend of his from college. I proceeded to get on with my shopping after that but the encounter still haunts me today. W.T.F.
Vincent55 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't laughed this much in one thread before.
ihatenewaccts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:08:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school, I sometimes went to daycare after school instead of my house because my parents weren't home and my older brother had wrestling practice. The daycare bus stop was 2 stops after my house. My house was on the side of the bus where you get off. No street crossing. The daycare was on the other side.
I was like maybe 6-8 at the time. I can't remember exactly what age. I wasn't very good at being in charge of remembering anything. So this particular day I was supposed to get off the bus at day care because my brother had wrestling practice. I was zoning out or day dreaming or on auto pilot in some way. I don't really remember the bus ride. I remember the bus stopping and my brain going okay get off.
Then I got off and my brain clicked and went "you are supposed to go to day care today" so I crossed the street. This is when I realize my error. I got off at the wrong stop and now crossed the street and the bus had already started closing its door, so it's definitely going to start driving forward.
Okay I'll go behind the bus then since I have to cross the street again and it is driving away.
I walk to the back of the bus and oh great there is a car there and it is ass raping the bus.
So what do you do now ? What does any normal person do now ?
I went under the bus. I bent down, crawled under, and rolled to the other side. Then I got up and I don't really remember the rest. I knew what I did was the dumb thing to do. I have no idea why I chose to do that.
I remember getting in trouble for it and both of my parents asked me why over and over again. I was like I literally don't know.
I used to be SUPER embarrassed by this and my parents would bring it up all the time. I hated it. I completely forgot about it for a while there until just now, so thanks for that.
danglingparticiples ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I used to save up my saliva for a long time until my mouth was full of it. One day at school, I was tying my boots in preparation for going home with mouth full of said saliva. I was sitting on a linoleum floor and tried to slip out a silent fart. Instead, I absolutely tore ass and everyone in my class turned to look at me with wide eyes. I couldn't say anything since my mouth was so full of spit so I just grunted as I pointed at my boot and dragged it across the floor, trying to convey the message it was my boot that made the noise, not my ass. Eventually everyone just slowly turned away, probably because they had no idea what the fuck was wrong with me.
gfillipow95 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When a substitute teacher would call my name theyโd usually say it wrong, but Iโd just be like โyup thatโs meโ
Nathan_Arizona_Jr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How I have been pronouncing General Tso's Chicken, my entire life
50aneigth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a support group for this?
assburgers98 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:16:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is still on going for me. I'm the manager at a local pizzeria and every Monday we get a delivery from one of our vendors and it's always the same driver that makes the delivery. About 6 months after I started working there I realized he was calling me Max but my name is Matt. I was too awkward to correct him since it had already been going on for half a year. It has now been almost 4 years and he still calls me Max and now every Monday all of the employees will also call me Max when he shows up. I'm dreading the day that he finally realizes that Max isn't my name and he calls me on the fact that I never corrected him.
Irreleverent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:24:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm step into a conversation with a cute girl and was following along there was a very brief pause, and I felt like I wanted to acknowledge said cute girl in some way but I know my window is brief. So here I am, in the middle of a four-person conversation, making direct eye contact and just saying, "Hey."
I noped the fuck out right after that, as the depth of my idiocy hit me.
aptharsia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:25:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At church once, had to stand in front of everyone with a group of people. Everyone had to come up front to shake our hands. This 80 year old man walks by me and I whisper in his ear "I love you", never saw the man before in my life and no clue why that came out of my mouth. I was 14 btw.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago in middle School I came in, my friends were all in a circle, I walk into the circle, but can't really get in, I'm more on the very outside and everyone's talking except for me, I was very short and quickly realized this was awkward and went to the bathroom for like 10 minutes hoping class would've started, I walk out and they're all still there, I walk over and one of my more friend of a friends says "where were you for so long?" And I go "oh I was in the bathroom", there an awkward silence for like 6 seconds and I freak out and go "I have to go to the bathroom" and speed walk away
Orut-9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Election Day last year I heard there was a bus that was taking people to vote since it was off campus. Now, I never used the bus before, so this was all new to me. I got on the bus that I thought was going to the polls and ended up just awkwardly riding around campus for almost an hour. Eventually the bus driver noticed that I wasn't getting off and was starting to give me some weird looks so I got off at some random stop and had to walk for about 15 minutes back to the bus stop.
This time I got on a different bus, but I was wrong again, and ended up getting off at the same stop I got on.
Eventually I decided I was gonna walk and walked for a solid 10 minutes before I realized that there were two places to vote and I was going to the wrong one.
Finally after about 45 minutes of walking I made it and was able to vote.
All in all it was about 2 hours just to get there, plus like a half hour wait and then a 20 minute walk back to my dorm room, all because I didn't ask anyone which bus I had to ride. Hell, my candidate didn't even win so it was basically all for nothing
delarivabacktake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:34:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was leaving dragonboat practice at the same time as my coach, and as we exited the parking lot I realized that we were both going to be stopped at an upcoming intersection. I really wanted to avoid the awkward situation of either having to acknowledge a person I had just parted ways with, or the even more awkward situation of purposefully ignoring someone at a red light for a whole minute. So I accelerated on the yellow, and blew threw the intersection. There was a red a light camera. I had to pay a $320 fine.
slothywaffle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't pee for a few days. At a retreat. Couldn't figure out when everyone was going cuz we had so many activities and I didn't want to be the weirdo that got up in the middle of something.
Comma-D ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:42:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate my salad with a spoon because I felt too awkward to get back up for a fork once I had sat down to eat.
asspaint ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever go to take a poo in a public bathroom but thereโs someone in a stall already so you just wash your hands and walk out? Yeah me too.
born2stab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the first day of the semester and I walked into what I thought was my class. The lecture had already started, which I thought was weird, because I had purposely arrived 5 minutes early. Professor is going on about the syllabus and and such when I realized I was in the wrong class... my class was in the same room but an hour later. So instead of getting up and walking out or saying "sorry wrong class" I just sat there for 30 more minutes until the professor went around the classroom and did the whole introduce yourself" thing. She got to me and I was just like "hi my name is born2stab and turns out I'm in the wrong class" and left. It was the worst. Then I had to have her as a professor half an hour later for my correct class.
AirmansGirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:59:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a peppermint in my mouth at a sorority recruitment, didnโt know what to do with it so I put it in my hand. One of the girls then shook that hand and got the sticky candy all on her palm...
moondizzlepie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I started dating my SO, I would go pee outside because the bathroom was connected to my bedroom and didn't have a fan. I didn't want her to hear me toot when I peed. I always told her I was checking to make sure the doors were all locked.
wolf1799 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 10 and staying over at my aunts house, I woke up and immediately needed to take a shit. But there were only two bathrooms in the house, one in the hallway outside my room and one in my aunts room. Long story short someone was in the hallway bathroom and I was too awkward to go to my aunts room, so I just shit in my pants.
CentrifugalCat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once while in college I was too lazy to take the flight of stairs up to the second floor. Worried someone would see me on the elevator and judge me for my laziness, I faked a limp into the elevator and out.
le_un_le_seul ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I should use a throwaway because some friends know my reddit account? Whatever.
Asked a cousin to tell a girl I had a crush on that I liked her.
I didn't hear anything from her since.
ReadInBothTenses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my first lunch with new coworkers. I was eating my sandwich in the lunch room, lots of people were there. Someone asked me a question and for some reason I didn't wait to chew and swallow, thinking it would be impolite to make them all wait for a reply directed at me. I must have inhaled a bread crumb the moment I began speaking but guess what, I had to finish what I started right? So I spoke and coughed at every other syllable. Clearly choking on some toasty bread and lettuce. One person left haha It was weird. I'm not normally that weird. Cringe for sure. I hate you all for reminding me of this.
thedrainpage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: gold is being mined, and theses veins run deep
BrendaFromHR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a first date, I ate an entire fortune cookie whole, then had to pull the half chewed soggy paper out of my mouth.
monsterzinc6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in HS, I was in the car with my best friend and her parents, with her dad driving. At one point, we were coming off a ramp and he thought it was a one way and was driving on the wrong side of the road. Best friend and her mom were both looking out the window or distracted by something and her dad was looking at directions on his phone and there was another car (still pretty far but) coming straight at us. I didn't want to tell him he was driving wrong so I decided I would wait until the last possible second before alerting him or hoping the other car would honk. Eventually, my mom's best friend looked up and screamed and he swerved just as the other car noticed and started honking. I almost let us all die. Best part is I awkwardly looked around the car just trying to telepathically get somebody to look up.
jeikiddie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mom called me when I was at school asking if I would come home for the dinner. I insisted on telling her not to make me any meal since I would hangout with a friend that night. Then my friend cancelled the date. I was too afraid to let my mom know so I went around alone in the rain and then went home without eating anything. My stomach (and body) was suffering a lot later that night lol
Corvus_Tristis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around the age boys and girls discover each other, my friends kept asking me if I had a crush or who I thought was cute, and I didn't know how to tell them I had none and thought none of the boys were cute. (Probably because I'm very gay, but I didn't know it then.) So instead of admitting to my friends I didn't have those feelings and risk them thinking I was odd, I pretended to have crushes on multiple boys and then proceeded to tell those boys just to prove it. Every once in a while my brain reminds me of this embarrassment and I have to sit down to process how dumb I was as a kid.
OpulentAvocado ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a sophomore in college I somehow managed to land a internship within one of the departments on campus despite (at the time) being a perpetually-zoned, extremely awkward ball of social anxiety. One of the biggest perks of the internship was the chance to attend a large conference in the middle of the year for an entire week.The professor who ran the whole thing was a mentor to many, but she took absolutely no shit and would regularly rip her students a new one one if she felt they deserved it. She was just a powerhouse and super intimidating to be around if you weren't an extrovert. I adored her, but was also pretty frightened by her. One day all of the student interns had to attend a meeting to discuss the upcoming conference. I was always afraid of being late, so I arrived super early and quickly grabbed a seat. People started coming in a few minutes later, and the professor ended up sitting right next to me. The meeting was pretty serious as we were discussing travel costs, hotel stays, etc. I could hardly pay attention because I was so anxious, and at one point the professor turns towards me and assigns me a task. As she's talking, a sudden rain of spit flies from her mouth and lands all over my nose, upper lip, and chin. I was mortified. I truly thought that if I wiped my face it would be interpreted as deliberately embarrassing her, and then everyone would know she kind of showered me (no one seemed to notice it happened. Heck, I'm not even sure she did.) Irrational, sophomore me did not want to be ripped to shreds. So I sat there for another 45 minutes while her spit slowly dried onto my face. 25 of those minutes was spent with her talking directly at me about my new task while I attempted to take notes with a shaky hand. I was so drained after the meeting that I went to my dorm, washed my face, and went to sleep in the middle of the day haha
desbot5000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:49:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was hustling across this little hilly, grassy quad at school and rolled my ankle in a hole and biffed it, and instantly laid down and opened my binder and pretended to read until the last of the witnesses cleared out
underthestars777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:04:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is oddly adorable! How old were you when this occurred?
desbot5000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around 19 or 20; I have zero logic the moment I become frazzled
I went to another school where I could NOT comprehend the parking lots/roads and, on my first day, ended up driving on a sidewalk; couldnโt find an outlet, started panicking...then students start exiting classrooms onto said sidewalk, so I threw it in reverse, hauled ass back home, and had my roommate drive me back and drop me off in a different vehicle
OriginDarkArrow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had been working at a supermarket (my first job) for a couple of months and was grabbing some drinks from the storeroom to fill the shelf. The boss must not have heard me in there and locked the 4m tall gate on me. I heard him leaving as I stood there in silence, watching leave to go back to the store. I spent a good amount of the next 20 minutes attempting to scale the pallets of drinks along the wall to climb back over the gate and continue my work in another section.
QuickMcRunfast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Making out.
I asked.
Twice.
BastRelief ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So a friend didn't want to poop at a lady's house that he had just hooked up with. He found an empty gallon bucket in her garage, pooped in there and then hid it.
He stopped seeing her before finding out if she ever discovered the poop bucket.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
joliesmomma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dearest Mother and Father,
How was your day today? I have decided that I shall go to my friend's house today after school. I'm in high school now and I think it's time I branch other into the world on my own. I'm becoming a young adult and need my independence. Please understand where I am coming from when I say this. It's not you, it's me. I will love you both always. I will be home in time for dinner.
Yours truly, kathy_007"
cookerlv ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I signed up for driving practice, and the lady mispronounced my name, but I was too awkward to correct her, so I sat in a car for 4 hours over two days with my name being mispronounced multiple times.
joliesmomma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least they got your name right. My name is Hillary but i guess the way I say it, I always get called Lori for some reason. While I'm at work. Wearing a name tag that says Hillary.
PikpikTurnip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I was convinced plungers were incapable of living up to their namesake. I was probably just using them wrong, but my track record was almost entirely comprised of failed attamots, and so I assumed they were nothing more than a waste of time and effort. As a result, if I clogged a toilet, it often stayed clogged. Because of this, I always tried to use as little toilet paper or few wipes as possible, to avoid the from becoming blocked.
Well, fast forward to me one day at a friend's house, and I had to take a shit. I didn't like pooping in other people's homes (I found and do admittedly still find it embarrassing), but I couldn't hold it this time, so off I went to sit on the porcelain throne.
The deed was done easily enough, but my fears were realized when I saw the water level start rising as I flushed. Panicking at the thought of my blunder being discovered, and sure of the plunger's impotency, I racked my brain for a solution. "Aha!" I thought. "I'll use a stick! I'll force the refuse down the hole!"
Sure of my plans, I made my way outside, and looked for a suitable stick. I don't recall how the search went (this is where things get fuzzy) but I eventually found a stick, and retreated inside to attempt to slay my foe.
Unfortunately, the feces proved too mighty a foe for my wimpy wood. The stick was practically useless. It could pierce the pie, but was powerless to dislodge it.
At this point, I can't recall if I admitted defeat and trudged to my friend's parents with my tail between my legs or if I, in indignant defiance, simply flushed the toilet once more, under the illusion that repeating the futile act with more fury would force the matter down the hole. I think it may have been the latter.
To my utter dismay, the water simply rose even higher, and, in a most anticlimactic manner, flowed over the top of the toilet. It was at this juncture that I believe I finally conceded to my fecal frienemy, and ran to my friend's parents with what I can only imagine was a look of pure horror upon my face and a hurried voice.
The rest is in pieces. I remember my friend's mother being upset and asking what I did, and I've never forgotten her shortly after exclaiming how I had gotten "shit-water" on her floor. I've not been so embarrassed as that day since. Or if I have, my mind has chosen to be merciful to me and grant me blissful release from the burden of those memories.
BrownPaperSails ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In grade 2 i wasnโt listening in class and the teacher called me on it and I told her that I was going deaf and needed tubes in my ears. I pretended to be semi deaf for over a month until I told her I got the tubes put in.
TimeSmash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forgot a person's name in my class and saved their last name in my phone for the whole semester. I think the 3rd to last class I learned her name
atealltheoreos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a very picky eater, but if the waiter messes up my order, I may eat it anyways to avoid having to say anything.
One time I ate pizza that had bacon bits in it even though I never eat pork. I was sick the rest of the day.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:40:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a good thing you're only half vampire.
MissDildoBaggins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was wandering around Osaka Castle park and an old man asked me where I was heading in very broken English. For some reason I said Kyoto so I let him walk me 30 minutes to the train line and into the gates. I then hid behind the corner for 10 min before running 30 minutes back to my apartment in Osaka ๐ค
imyurhuckleburry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:17:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During an interview to be a big sister for the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization the guy asked me if I believed in corporal punishment. I was pretty nervous because he was acting so serious in the interview that I confused it with capital punishment so I said, "yeah, I guess if they murdered someone and it was particularly cold blooded or something." I realized my mistake pretty quick and felt so awkward that instead of admitting my mistake I just rolled with it like "I'll spank some kid if they're a murderer!" Surprisingly, I passed and was a big sister for a couple of years to a cute little girl.
agoofyhuman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked miles in the wrong direction to avoid a 4 way traffic intersection where my bus would have been. I was afraid the people in the cars would see me. In my defense, I had a difficult upbringing.
Iloveteatoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One day I drove past a house with tons of toys lined up in the yard. I was excited about this great yard sale, and had my 3 year old with me AND cash. Pull all the way up in the driveway, right next to the house to accommodate all the others bound to stop by this awesome sale. Picked up a few toys, but couldn't find any prices. Then I looked around- there was no yard sale sign. And it was a Wednesday at 2:00. It wasn't a yard sale! I dragged my daughter away screaming, and couldn't pull out of that driveway fast enough.
ScottishStarLord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to get the same train home from work everyday, one day I see a guy from high school that I kind of spoke to but not really, anyway, he come up to me and we start talking and then I realise we're getting the same train, I make it through the journey just and think that was nice. Next day I get straight on the train and I'm chilling, the guy then walks by the window and sees me comes in and sits next to me and we run out of conversation in two mins then have the most awkward 10 minute train ride. From then on I waited outside the station to see where he got on to avoid all future contact.
NikolasDown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:14:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know someone who pooped in a trashcan in a public bathroom because they didn't want other people to hear the splash when it hit the water. I still don't understand this one.
raechuuu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:59:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I thought of a worse one! (Second comment on this thread)
I am a female. When I was around 8 or 9 I went to a church that was being held in a public high school. Being so young, this place was huge and very confusing to me. I'm wandering around, searching for the bathroom, lost and in desperate need to relieve myself.
Now somewhat near the restrooms that I finally find is the boys youth group, sitting in a circle, praying or some shit. Anyways I rush into the restroom and immediately realize my mistake. Ihave just wandered into the men's room. It was empty, thank God, but I could tell by the urinals clearly. I am about to head back out and correct my mistake but I can hear the 20+ teenage boys all collectively laughing at me. So I just stand in the men's room, too afraid to leave.
After what felt like forever, but was probably about a minute, the youth leader, realizing I'm not going to come out, walks in and says something along the lines of, "sweetie, you know this is the men's room" I just nod, with a face full of tears and follow him out...
Yeah that was pretty tramautizing for me for a long time. Hahaha
tldr; 9 year old little girl me accidentally walks into men's room. Group of teenage boys are outside. I'm too awkward to walk back out because I can hear them laughing at me. Just stayed there until someone came in to get me.
murse_curse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:21:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend had pony rides at one of his birthday parties growing up. I was in line for a ride when the pony came to a stop on my foot, just as the pony ride guy went on break. Instead of saying "ow" or "help" I just bit my lip and teared up until I could get the pony to move.
bindzzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:25:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During school holidays in grade 9, a boy from a grade 10 me asked me to be his girlfriend over the phone. I said yesโfeeling the pressureโthen regretted it the second we got off the phone. THE NEXT DAY, instead of telling him the truth that I had a change of heart, I lied and told him that I cheated on him and that he should break up with me... thinking that itโd make him feel better to make him think that he dodged a bullet early on, and that betrayal would be an easier blow for him to cop than rejection. What I didnโt consider (other than his feelings) was how this would go down with his friends. He was pretty popular so I had 10-20 people from school post on my Facebook wall about how terrible of a person I was. I was so embarrassed that I changed schools (back to the all-girls boarding/day school I had left earlier that year).
Once we began to talk a year later, to cover up my first lie I said that I was blackmailed into telling him I cheated on him. BLACKMAILED. As if that happens in real life. He ended up forgiving me and took me on a date to see Transformers then to McDonaldโs afterwards.
Itโs little to no surprise that we didnโt work out, especially once he tried to make out with me as I fought tears while Bumblebee died. It still haunts me to think about what lengths I went to, to avoid dating a guy who wasnโt even that bad of a dude. Glad to say this chain of events terrified me into telling people the truth, regardless of whether or not it might hurt their feelings. Also that betrayal is a lot more hurtful than someone not being attracted to you.
cough so... uh... is someone going to cleanse me of my sins now? Jesus? Buddha? God?
nickrizzo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:33:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 17 I had recently got my license. I went to the gas station and paid for twenty dollars of gas, but I forgot to check which pump I was on so the clerk looked out the window and asked if it was the black one. I drove a black focus so I said yeah and walked to the pump. But somehow the guy ignored my car and only saw the other car that just pulled up, that also happen to be black and put the gas on his pump. I was too shy to go back in and say something so I just left and went to the next gas station I saw. At least I paid for someone's gas I guess...
bindzzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:40:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve deactivated my Facebook account on my birthday in case only one or two people say Happy Birthday to me and I look like a loser. This makes me look like even more of a loser when people go to say Happy Birthday to me and Iโve virtually disappeared.
garysnailz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:44:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was swimming in my family's pool when i had to shit really bad. Not wanting to get their wood floor wet, and didn't have enough time to dry off.. I shat in their side yard which was cement. Uncle noticed and i blamed it on the dog, but he knew that was a pile of human poo...
HeroShitInc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:54:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I was at the mechanic shop picking up my wifeโs car that her dad, my father in-law, had paid for to get fixed. Her parents have used this same mechanic for years so now I canโt go back there because Iโm awkward. While waiting in the lobby the mechanic says something like โOk, itโs all finished and it looks like itโs all ready been paid for by your dad.โMe:โWell heโs my STEP-dad.โ..........in my head โWhy did you say step-dad? Heโs not your step dad heโs your father in law youโve never had a step-dad.....too late now as far as these guys know heโs my step dad and Iโm a little bitter about it and refuse to call him dad.
kay2zee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:00:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in my third year of university, and this was my first class back after break. I was already a little late so I hurried in and took my seat. It was only after 20 minutes of the tutor going through the subject admin that I realised I was in the wrong class. Awkward me thought it best to just sit through the rest of the hour long class, instead of upping and leaving. Making minimal interaction with others and the tutor, hoping that I'd never see them again.
PS: If it makes it any better, it was a second year subject, so I pulled up my old notes on my laptop and followed through with the class.
ConVito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:34:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a group project back in high school. We did it at the house of one of the group members. I was the first one there, so it was just me and the other guy.
I went to the bathroom and just sat in there for an hour until the others finally showed up.
n3k1d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:45:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, so I'm in second grade, and my teacher, Ms. Johnson, is this really sweet old lady. It's the end of the day, the bell's about to ring, and us kids are playing around. I'm standing with my pals and Ms Johnson is giving out hugs as we are about to leave. My back is to the teacher. She approaches me and my pals and gives me a hug. From my perspective an arm entered my field of vision from behind, then she began to hug, and it startled me. A fucking HEFTY amount of drool just drops from my startled mouth onto her arm. Like a half fucking cup of drool. The moment seems to stretch out. I'm embarrassed that I've drooled all over the teacher and I'm sure she's fairly disgusted to have an armload of drool. So instead of apologizing, or offering to grab a Kleenex, I get too embarrassed and flounder, I shove my fucking face down onto the drool arm, and wipe it off with my cheek.
borris14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:47:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a really fancy Bat Mitzvah when I was ~11-12, and I did 3 unthinkable things.
1) I was eating at a table where it was just me and around 5 girls I knew from school. They all went to the bathroom together, and told me to watch their purses. I felt weird doing nothing at an empty table at a big party. So instead of just doing nothing, I decided to look through all their purses for the heck of it. When the girls got back and saw me snooping, I got a good yelling. Luckily, they were my friends, but still.
2) We played a massive game of musical chairs. Like, 30 kids big. Well, I got a little too competitive. In the very 1st round, I was scrambling to get a chair, and I managed to be the last one to get a seat. But it turns out the person I edged out was the girl whose Bat Mitzvah it was. So I had an entire party of parents, relatives, and kids looking at me in silence because I'd taken the last seat from the Bat Mitzvah girl. I decided to relinquish the seat and give it to her because it was her party, and I just walked away.
3) My mom had agreed to give my friend a ride home after the party, so I was supposed to tell my friend when we were leaving. Problem was, this friend was a girl I had a crush on at the time. When it came time to leave, I saw the girl at a table talking with a bunch of cool-looking people I didn't know. I didnt want to bother her, so I just left without her. I told my mom that my friend had already left the party. When i saw her in school, she said she did get a ride from someone else eventually, but she was looking forward to leaving with me and was waiting for me to come get her. Oh what could have been...
Hslavecat6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I crossed a street instead of walking past a group of teenagers
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:00:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was bench pressing a weight that was too heavy for me in the gym and I was struggling. A girl saw me struggle. So I put the weight back, admitted defeat and left the gym rather than just pick a lower weight.
hotdog_relish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:01:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I have to turn left onto a semi-busy street with no stop sign/light, and if there are any cars behind me, I will just turn right and do a series of turns on other streets to get going in the direction I need... rather than risk the car behind me getting mad because they have to wait.
seanbear ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:06:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking my dog down my street when I heard someone call out my name. I had headphones in so I thought I misheard and then I just carried on walking. Then they called my name again - and then again - and again, but including my last name, so it was 100% me they were calling and not someone else.
I didnโt turn back to look.
I just pretended to not hear them. I never did find out who it was.
cooperal_coc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The memory of this really vague but I'll try to recount it as good as possible. So when I was about six years old I was over at a friends house for the night. At some time in the night I felt the sudden urge to take a huge shit. (at least for a six-year old it felt like a huge one) But I was too scared to run past anyone that might still be up so I pretty much just stood around waiting for my courage to build up and go. Well seems like it never build up because the next thing I remember is a giant turd on the ground just infront of the stairs.
Austin_Bowers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:36:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked in a kitchen and one of the waitresses ended up cutting her finger on a knife. I got a plaster out of the first aid box for her and she held her hand out to take the plaster.
Instead I took the hand that was bleeding and started to put the plaster on for her, only realising half way through doing this that she wanted me to give her the plaster and not put it on for her but I was already committed at this point. She was just like 'ummm.....thanks?' and walked off.
Secretlysidhe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:48:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend and I were still in the awkward, early dating stage when he offered to make a seafood dish for dinner one night. Being sweet, he offered me a piece of shrimp and I ate it... only to discover it tasted really bad. Like something wasn't right. He asked me, "how's it taste?" And I nodded, told him it was delicious because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
He added the shrimp to the pasta and stirred, and we sit down to eat. I ate several bad shrimp before he asked me if I thought the shrimp tasted funny.
I was so relieved he noticed, but now our dinner was ruined. Because I didn't speak up.
LittleEngineThatPoos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:52:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college when it came time for break in between classes I felt it was too weird to eat outside on a bench as everyone walked by and wasn't sure if i could eat in a lobby. When I didn't bring food I also didn't go back to my car so I would buy food and go eat my meal in the bathroom
I kept my pants down to make it look like I was taking a shit and stopped eating as people came in... I didn't want to seem like a loner. I now see how weird that is.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:13:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was one of those kids who would come up with a crossword that fit the blanks but only in my own mind would it fit the definition.
On the first day of sixth grade I had braided my long hair for my bath the night before and the next morning I woke up late for the bus. I took my hair out of the old braids and ended up with wild locks because they had set all night in the wet braids. I did not have time to re-braid the mess so I just went to school that way.
In the hall a girl I had never met looked at my hair funny and asked me if it was natural. For me the word fit because my hair had gotten that way by accident, not intentionally, so I said yes. She said oh that can't be natural.
While proceeding to my classroom I realized what she really meant, but by then I was trapped in my first answer. What could I say, oh I thought you meant accidental? So, at lunch the same girl comes up to me with her friend. Her friend asks me if that's my natural hair, so I say yes. She just screws up her nose at me and they saunter off.
So that night and every night for two months, to keep up appearances, I slept in wet braids and took them out in the morning and went to school with straight roots, kinky locks, and straight ends.
I finally could no longer stand my charade, so on a weekend I snuck into my mom's bathroom with the three way mirrors and scissors and chopped off my braids at the ear.
When I walked into the kitchen, my mom screamed her head off and ranted at me for like ten minutes. I could not bring myself to tell her why I had done this.
She ordered me to go back to the mirrors and try to even it up. She would not help me probably because she was too heartbroken about my long flaxen braids. And then i realized that maybe the girl who asked me if my hair was natural was talking about the color and not the kinks.
When I went to school the following Monday all the girls could not keep their hands out of my cute bob and all was right with the world again. This was back in 1972.
Redditortyp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:14:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
um... oof ouchie owie..
Tydus93 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:29:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread just gave me so much anxiety for all the future cringe worthy stuff I'll inevitably do.
SuDDeNHangOver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:30:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus christ reddit is socially retarded.
LeviathanX000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It gets more fun when you try to interact with people after you've practically become a bloodthirsty monster!
Cerebelly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:37:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New waitress job. I went to pour a man a glass of water and I spilled a bunch of water on the table, instead of cleaning it up, I avoided that table as long as I could. I don't know why. When I finally got the courage to fix my mistake, they were just getting up to leave
JesseAye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to IHOP with my SO a couple of months ago. A couple moments after being seated, the waiter comes up to our table, and says "Hi". That's it. Me, naturally being awkward, freaked out, and said "How are you?" It was so awkward, me and my SO could barely contain our laughter until after he walked away with our order for appetizers.
Sylbinor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is much easier to do in my native tongue, but I managed to speak without directely refering to him to the father of a friend of mine for years. I would use only sentences that did not state openly the subject when talking to him, because it was too akward for me to do that.
In my mother tongue impersonal constructions are relatively common so this was perfectly doable with a little bit of effort.
Cerebelly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. Once when I was 11ish I took a dump at a friends house but it wouldn't flush... so I just left it there.. friends parents come home and smell the poop right away. They blamed it on my friends little sister who was about 7.
Edit: I got another one. In my freshman year of college I joined a poetry club. One day we read a poem and took turns saying what we thought of it. They asked me what I thought I didn't say a single word. The whole room was quiet as everyone stared, waiting.
Edit2: I got more. I somehow didn't get the memo about a take home test in my theater class of 300 people. You were supposed to complete the test online. It was a final exam. I somehow didn't know about it until after it was due. Instead of asking the teacher for an extension, I quietly took a failing grade on my final.
diesdramaticallyDUH ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my freshman year of High School I had a boring, easy, forgettable computer class in 3rd period and normal P.E. in 4th period. Somehow I got the two periods mixed up and ended up going to 3rd period P.E. Realized after about 3 minutes. Had to take a 84 minute P.E. class. Even worse, it was the "Advanced" football/basketball athletes P.E. class. Most tiring 84 minutes of my life.
metaknight95 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:07:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was heading to a French lecture one day, and I tripped and fell halfway in the doorway and everybody stopped talking to look at me. I had no idea what to do so I simply turned around and went home all while saying "uhhh....."
hawkers89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:18:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just happened today. I'm going away on a fishing trip with my friends and us passengers were having a few beers while we drove out to our accommodation. Two of my friends said stop the car we need to pee and at this time I was busting too but instead of going I just held it in cause I didnt want to pee on the side of the road with them.
After we got back on the road they stopped again because they wanted to take a photo with a sign. I said I'd go pee first and cause I was busting it was one of the longest I've ever done. They yelled at me to hurry up and I almost peed on myself trying to pee faster.
depressionxanxiety ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Constantly flushing the toilet bowl so that people who enter the bathroom wouldn't hear my shit hitting the toilet bowl floor.
SmittyBunz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my first day of college, I arrived early to my first class and sat in the front row of the classroom, which was an amphitheater-style room. (I was a huge nerd.) About 10 minutes into the lecture, I got a horrible bloody nose. I had no tissues or anything, and didn't know what to do, so I just put my face in my hand, pinched my nose, and stared at the desk for the next hour and a half. I still cringe thinking about it!
brycnut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a freshman in college I got invited to a party at my friend's girlfriend's house. As soon as we get there, he sneaks away (to go bang her I presume). So I just stand there awkwardly and start pounding beers. Well this in turn leads to me having to pee really bad every 15 minutes. But instead of just using the bathroom in the house I decide I should pee outside in the bushes. And everytime I do I hear angry knocking on the window. This happens several times over the next hour. As I am approaching the kitchen door for yet another outdoor piss, the door swings open very quickly. Three cops are standing there. So I panick and instead of being normal and just walking away, I stand in the open doorway and salute them. They stood there very confused for 10 seconds then pushed me aside and shut down the party. I later learned that the cops were called "because some asshole kept peeing outside on the neighbor's house instead of just using the bathroom".
steinb11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:57:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a movie with my friend. Movie ended, I went to the restroom. I closed the stall door and began doing whatever you do in a bathroom stall. He walks in the bathroom during and we are talking. Now, we are big Family Guy fans and will have entire conversations in Family Guy quotes. Anyway he walks in and starts talking to me and I yell out a stewie quote (in a stewie voice) from the stall "OUCH I POPPED A DAMN BLOOD VESSEL!"
He bursts out laughing and I hear someone slam the bathroom door. Turns out there was a small child I did not know was in the in bathroom, and when I yelled the kid got petrified and ran out of the bathroom. Walking out and seeing the kid looking terrified holding onto his mother was a very uncomfortable moment for me.
cyndasaur2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I jumped over a canal to avoid 2 people at the end of the road.
Ginger_Biscuits ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:02:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really hits home when youโre just standing outside a shop waiting for enough time to go by to continue with your journey
Fuck_Tags ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:22:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.
joshg_yz250 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is a normal thing????????????????
ComboCosmo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good thread
squid_plague ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:08:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was doing an interview and they purposely put the chair at the end of the room. They told me I could sit so I looked behind me and slowly dragged the chair to sit down. All the interviewers were trying so hard to laugh. I didn't see the chair that was pushed into the table at the end of it. I dragged that chair for nothing.
diseeease ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, I work the nightshift in a IT service desk. Nightshift is just a monitoring shift and I'm alone in the office.
An hour before my replacement arrives, I need to take a dump. So I do my business, wipe and flush... except the toilet is just filling up. I panick a bit, wait for it to recede a bit and try to flush again. No dice. I figure I might need to wait a little longer for things to just loosen up naturally until the water can flow again.
Half an hour later, I try flushing again. Same result. Now I really start to panic.
Now, I could have just done the reasonable thing, hung a "Out of Order!" sign on the door and send off an email to facility management.
But no, having to tell my replacement that I clogged the toilet with a massive turd and too much paper would be embarassing.
So I start searching the office for tools. I find a metal coat hanger and some trash bags.
I twist it into a hook, roll up my sleeves and get to work removing my business from the toilet. I dump everything in the trash bag. Finally, I hear a sudden 'Squelsh... Fluuuuussssssshhhh' and the water goes down!!! Elation! I stuff the twisted coat hanger into the trash bag, stuff the bag into another trash bag and stuff it as deep as I can into the trash can. Proceed to wash myself and get out of the toilet room just as my replacement gets into the office.
spoookyvision ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:52:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dunno if this fits but was on a double date with my girlfriend, my best friend, and his girlfriend at the Mexican place down the street. Server comes up to our table to get our order and all of a sudden I can't understand any English. Just started between the server and my girlfriend with the wildest look of confusion on my face. Eventually just blurted out a number. Ended up with 2 delicious tacos and gave her a 75% tip cause I was so embarrassed.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol happens to me all the time, except the other way around, just randomly forget every last Spanish word and just sit there ehhhh.... Lol being bilingual is hard sometimes
ZiggySTRDST ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:22:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretending to be asleep on an airplane because I donโt want to have to ask the stewardess what other snacks they have after I see them passing out pretzels and knowing I really donโt want pretzels.
strengthof10interns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay have throw my hat in.
I was in middle school probably in like 2001 in a rural-ish area of New Hampshire, in 7th grade. I was already devastatingly unpopular and was frequently called 'gay' and was picked on for being an overly confident good student who didn't know it wasn't cool to raise your hand in class every time even though you knew the answer to every question. Add on some gap teeth, baby fat, tucked-in shirts, and an unashamed love of plays, musicals, and museums and you are starting to get an idea of how miserable my situation was.
So here I am in homeroom one Thursday morning. My homeroom happened to be one of the art rooms so everyone is sitting on stools around the tables reading or doing work. Some kids had been acting up and the teacher enforced 15 minutes of silence. About 5 minutes in, I feel a sneeze coming on. I didn't want to unleash it into my arm or the air, so I tried to hold it in.
The sneeze came. I went to hold it in. Tensed my body and at the perfect moment, I farted.
It must have been the angle I was sitting on the stool or something because it was the crispest sounding fart you could imagine. It was short but it was loud and bright and clear.
Instantly a handful of kids started laughing while the rest of the class just stared at me with wondering eyes. I panicked and started looking around the room with a "where did that come from" kind of look, but it was hopeless. Even if the cute girl sitting at my table had done the same thing, I would have gotten the blame by virtue of my weirdo status.
So I spent the next 10 minutes trying to slide my stool around underneath me trying to get it to make a similar sound so I might be able to pass the blame to an inanimate object. This just drew more attention to me and the laughter continued.
Thankfully my family moved soon after and I switched schools.
zaja_bf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the holiday season. My company had this Christmas Party with tons of beers and it was so much fun.
HR said it's time to go home so we finished the last couple of boxes of beers before leaving.
It was late but holiday traffic was pretty bad so i make sure i peed before leaving the office.
One of the developer invited me for a ride going home coz her family will pick her up and we live close to each other.
I said sure! Holiday traffic was crazy! We were in the middle of the highway when all of a sudden i felt the strong urge to pee.
I told my self i can hold this i am sure of it!
15 mins later and we have not moved a mile at all and i was getting so uncomfortable.
I whispered to my friend to drop me off coz i needed to pee so bad that i dont care if it's in the middle of nowhere.
She was laughing and all i care about was i had to do it now or their car will smell something else.
All of sudden she started talking to her uncle and step mom about it and they started laughing!!!
To my surprised, a couple of minutes later her uncle handed me an empty bottle. He said "this always happen on our road trip so we always keep an empty bottle for emergency"!!!
I just wanted to disappear at that moment. I wanted to get out of the car and say fuck it with this traffic i am sure i can pee somewhere right before our car starts moving again!
Her and her step mom encouraged me and told me don't be shy!!! it's pretty normal!
I can't hold it anymore. I was sitting beside my friend. Thank goodness there's a cardboard at the back sit of their car. So i told her with dignity and respect to please turn around as i am gonna do it.
So i did! I peed in the bottle while they were laughing at me. And it's the most amazing feeling and the most embarrassing moment of my life all the same time.
ayoitsurboi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:11:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently, In an interview I asked where the bathroom was. The guy interviewing me pointed me down the hall and to the right. As I followed his instruction... No bathroom anywhere. Either he said the wrong thing or I'm an idiot and just couldn't find it. Instead of going back and asking him to clarify I pretended I found fine and proceeded to interview with a full bladder for 3 more hours.
templarcole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:12:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school I used to do this 'Teen Youth Leader Club,' in which you'd sit and discuss how to make the community a better place. I was one of three girls and the only thirteen year old, so I didn't have that many friends. The meetings would start at 4, but I'd get out of school at 4:15, so I'd always be late, which made me uncomfortable because everyone would stare at me as I'd sit down. I got tired of it and eventually I started to hide in the bathroom stall for the remaining duration of the meetings. I'm 17. My mom still doesn't know.
c-go ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a restaurant waiting for my burger and they were taking their time. So I noticed the waiter was looking a bit confused, looking for the receiving customer, while my alleged burger was sitting on the kitchen counter. I tried to get his attention by staring at him but apparently he didn't notice me. At least I think so because when another guy ordered a different burger he let him have mine as compensation because they ran out of meat that day and my burger was the last one made. So instead of speaking up then I just sat there for 10 more minutes before reminding him that I didn't get my order yet.
im_at_work_ugh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:32:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at an ATM and it was giving me problems and someone pulled up behind me, I was embarrassed it was taking me so long so I cancelled my transaction and went around the bank to let them go ahead of me, I did this 5 times.
Vexorg88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:39:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a server at a restaurant in Colorado and realized, upon arriving for my shift, that I had forgotten my work shoes. Instead of just walking in and telling my manager, I decided to leave and and never come back.
Given turnover in the service industry, I could also have ended there, but instead I got my friend to call the manager, pretending to be a doctor at University of Utah Medical Center. He said I'd been in a motorcycle accident and would be laid up for quite some time. He suggested gently that they could probably "let me go". The manager said, that legally she could not do that. Several weeks later, on fabricated U of U letterhead I mailed in a resignation along with my apron via my friend who lived in Salt Lake City (to get the postmark right).
The audio for that first phone call was recorded and the genuine concern in the voice of my manager makes me feel (even 15 years later) like a gigantic jerk.
teksti-tv666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:42:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to really enjoy scaring my sister when we were teenagers. I came home from school one day and I could hear her in the living room watching tv so I tucked my trousers in my socks and wet my hair so it was flat to my face, cleared my throat and burst into the room and let out the loudest, gayest high pitch scream I could do. My sister was Sat there with one of her friends who looked at me like I was the most disgusting human in the world. Now I should have ran upstairs and locked myself in my room but instead I went back into the kitchen and that's where I stayed for the next 4 hours. I cleaned the entire kitchen, mopped the floor, done the dishes, made my mum a cup of tea for when she got home. These were the days of no mobile phones so I had fuck all to do but tidy. My sister never mentioned it but I knew what I'd done. I'm actually friends with tanya on Facebook and we speak now and then but it's never been mentioned.
Abscritical ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:10:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was waving to a friend trying to get his attention he was unfazed , instead of putting my hand down i started communicating through hand signs and was moving my lips inaudibly pretending to talk to someone behind him, there was a wall behind him lol.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:21:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
maybe a year after high school, I saw two "buddies" I graduated with at our town's gas station.
I was getting a newspaper for my dad, they were both chatting up a storm (one of them worked at the gas station). we made eye contact for a few seconds, I looked away and held the newspaper up and to cover my face.
I was high and didn't feel like "catching up" but I couldn't stop laughing because of how stupid I was.
AllergicToPoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:02:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At work this week, somebody had turned out a real pile of manure that was leaking its stench out into the hallway. I had to pee so I tried to get in an out quick, save for people thinking I was the source of the foul stink. Now, I can't pee at urinals. I hate it. Has to be the cubicle every time.
I go into a cubicle, unfortunately it's the same cubicle some beefer has just blown his brown load into, so I'm already having trouble with the smell and breathing etc. I pee quickly, but as I zip up, I hear someone enter.
For the next 5 minutes a steady stream of lunchers are in and out consecutively. I hear audible grunts of "Eugh" at the stench that I'm breathing in heavily. I can't stand to go out of the cubicle and be branded the foul beast, so I huddle into the corner of the cubicle awkwardly contorted in a painful position, S I'm tall and worry about somebody seeing my shadow or head and knowing I'm hiding.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my best friend. Middle school, feeling ill but mom makes him go anyway. Vomit sorta feels come up right as they're pulling into the drop off zone. Mom rolls down the window and tells him to vomit out it. Looks out, sees school bus full of kids in plain view, turns back and decides to vomit all over the dashboard instead.
buffy120 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on a houseboat trip at a lake with my family and some friends, and it was extremely hot. We were all sunburnt to various degrees, but my sister's friend and I probably had it the worst so we were putting aloe on. After I finished putting mine on, she asked me if I could put some on her back, and of course, I said yes. We had both aloe bottles that you could squeeze and that had dispensers at the top. For some reason, I thought this particular one was a squeeze container while it was actually a dispenser. I squeezed that damn bottle as hard as I could but, of course, nothing came out. That's not even the worst part though. She asked for the bottle and then she started putting it on her own back, while I was right there. She put the aloe on herself! Remembering this makes me feel so dissapointed in myself then. This was partially due to dehydration and a long day, but it still felt bad.
_Justwant2behappy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:04 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was so shy and scared of my teacher in elementary therefore, everyday at the end of the day I would piss myself instead of raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom because I was afraid she was say no.
Dragen4453 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:56:26 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a small concert, in the front row. At some point the lead singer points his beer to me. Thinking he offered a beer, i took it. He told the audience that he was hoping put our glasses together. I gave it back. I moved further back in the crowd.
PostmdnLifeIsRubbish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:52:14 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 7, one of my teeth fell out around the time that school ended, at 3:30. For some reason, on this particular day I was being collected from school by my pastor's wife, who was taking care of me until mum came to pick me up at 5. I didn't really know this woman and I was feeling pretty anxious about telling her that my tooth had fallen out...
So, like a boss, I carried that tooth in my cheek until mum came to pick me up, and on the way home my tooth "fell out" and mum could take care of the situation
Whimsicalescapes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:28:17 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pissed myself on the playground because I was too afraid to ask the teacher to use the bathroom. I was 11. Social anxiety is a bitch.
reubenita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:45:17 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could write a damn book on all the awkward and questionable decisions I made back in high school. I was meeting with one of my advisors for Moot Court when I reached in my bag and realized that a pen busted.
We were meeting in an actual courthouse and I didn't know where the bathroom was. Rather than just ask where it was, I attempted to wipe off my hands with pieces of paper in my bag. He eventually noticed what I was doing and asked if I wanted to wash my hands in the bathroom.
Not only was I able to get some of the ink off, I also got to check out my sick new paper cuts.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:18:12 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During my Freshman year of college, I went into the wrong classroom and realized just before the lecture that I was in the wrong class. It was fluid dynamics which was several years off at the time but I stayed and tried to fit in. Just when I thought I had made it, they started handing out a quiz.
Reorientflame ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:23 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During parties, when no one would come talk to me and I was feeling awkward and left out, I'd pull out my phone and pretend to be helping someone with a project, or having a serious conversation.
... These conversations actually got really in depth. I kinda created a whole person who was in some deep shit and had a continuing story line and all.
I speak in the past tense, which is to say that I still do this, I just used to as well
duhw1nn1ng35 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:17 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recently went and bought something at the gas station and then when I got back in the car realized I forgot something, so instead of going back in and buying what I forgot, I drove across the street to the other gas station so I wouldn't have to look stupid going back up to the register.
BobbeySacamano ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:43:40 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8, I was with my mom at one of her friend's house but she was just dropping off something so I said that I would wait in the car. Instant need to take a pee strikes but I'm too stupid to go in and ask to use the bathroom so instead I thought that I would probably make it until we get home. I didn't. I peed my pants (being 8 that's awkward enough) and I had to go knock on the door, tell them that I peed my pants and then borrow a towel to sit on for the ride home. It was terrible, they laughed at me.
KuroHarvey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:19:42 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was sleeping with a friend in a twin bed, and I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. When I came back my friend was rolled over onto his stomach and taking up the whole bed. I didn't want to wake him up so I just went back into the bathroom, walked into one of the carpeted closets and slept on the floor in there. I didn't wanna come out and go into the living room because he might be awake and realize I was just sleeping in the bathroom, so I ended up staying there for an hour or two after he was up until he came and checked on me.
abkid ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:23 on November 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forgot to press my floor on the elevator so just travelled with everyone to the very last floor and came back down.
cmsco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:14 on November 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was at my best friends house and his mom gave me a plate of tomato spaghetti( which I didn't like however said I did like). So I took a huge forkful for some reason and couldn't finish it as it was horrible. I said to my friend that I needed the toilet and made my way to the toilet passing him mom whilst I had bits of tomato spaghetti dangling out of my mouth, it was extremely awkward you should have seen the look on her face! I went into the bathroom and emptied my mouth full of pasta into the toilet and tried to flush it. Only problem was it wouldn't flush for some reason, so I called my mom to pick me up and told my friend that I needed to go home asap to take care of my "sick dog". I left his house rapidly leaving unflushed spaghetti in his toilet...
Sorry
AkyRhO ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:45:05 on November 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both happened the same day.
The day my mother died, I was heading downtown to the funeral parlor to make arrangements for the funeral. My grandfather was driving the car and as we arrive nearby, I notice an empty parking spot and point it to my grandfather. Sure I saw the guy standing next to it but I didn't think much of it. As I walked out the car the guy head over me saying "I was keeping that spot for someone", and since I was a little bit of my mind I looked him dead in the eyes and said "you'll get over it, it's not like your dead or something" and walked out. To this day I still feel bad thinking about it.
Later that day, I went shopping with my then girlfriend (now wife) to buy a new suit. I walked through the store and an employee come to me asking if I need some help. I turned my head the other way and just said "I'm not ready for this" while leaving. The poor lady was puzzled and my gf excused me and ran over to find me.
lefthandedrightbrain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:08:49 on January 10, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
i was a few blocks off opposite the direction of my dentist office (got out the wrong side of the train station) and instead of just turning around I k e p t walking in the wrong direction, worried someone behind me would catch my mistake and laugh
NAE_BAD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:11:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I flew from Berlin to JFK. I remember reading to meet a mate at Penn station, New York City. Well guess what? There's a Penn station in Newark, New Jersey.
I'm not German btw, but when I heard the announcement I just assumed it was some fucking sitcom accent. Like "EY U WALKIN OUTTA DA TRAIN NOW AND ITS NEWARK, NEWYARK, ENJOI!"
I left the station and saw no city recognizable as NYC and nobody would answer my goddamn question where NYC was or where the hell I was.
not_who_you_thinkiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody wants to get stuck in New Jersey, much less Newark
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:49:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried.
I once went to the wrong class, only I was too embarrassed to admit it was the wrong class. So I stayed for the whole thing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:25:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saw my old teacher in the grocery store, did 180 and walked out. Drove to another store to do my shopping. I also regularly hold on to small pieces of trash (like candy wrappers etc) if I don't see the trash can or it's placed unconveniently. I just put the trash in my pocket and throw it out when I get home.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:05:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for not littering
not_who_you_thinkiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:48:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just called being responsibly lazy
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:38:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I delete my reddit account every 4-6 months. There's so many of you with wrong opinions on here and I only have so much time to correct them, eventually it starts to cut into time i need for school/work.
I'm told some people just close the tab. I've tried that, it doesn't work.
TheycallmeMrMike ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:48:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Told my wife's friends I was a Hillary supporter...
TyGeezyWeezy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:56:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife thinks i voted for Hillary.
jurvekthebosmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I... Bought... The wrong... Fucking... Type... Of... Dip... At... Auntie Anne's...
So I just... Fucking ate my salty ass pretzel with caramel...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked around the entire building instead of taking a left by my desk because the cute new girl also took a left and we would have taken it at the same time and I'd have to figure out how to awkwardly change my pace so we weren't walking right next to eachother.
SanKazue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being me
Humiliatingmyself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to PAX for the first time ever last September. Now I know what you're thinking "like I care so has everyone"
Believe it or not this was super hard for me though. I'm not an outgoing person, I have a teeny friend group, live in my teeny town hours from Seattle, I don't have gamer friends in real life, and very few online. I knew I was going to a massive event alone when I bought the tickets but decided "fuck it I'll challenge myself to go out and try new things anyway!" the results were.. mixed.
i had no idea where anything was, even with the map, I got lost like 5 hundred times. I didn't have a bag because it wasn't until I spent a few hours walking around toting the giant map and booklet thing and purse I realized "oh that's why everyone has one". At no point did I ever once play any if the games, just hung around and watched people I didn't know play them. Besides at the arcade hallway place thing. Only because no one was standing in line to play jungle Jane or Popeye.
I stood in the "walking zone" got told to sit over there, stood up, then got told again that where I was standing this time was also the walking zone. U until this point I'd never heard the term in my life. My towns events are like "pancake breakfast" and " Adele tap dancing" and like a handful of people show up.
At one point I walked into a booth/room full of giant grey pcs with just a few people sitting around playing them, like two to a pc and was like "oh maybe they show people how to play games in here or something" until a guy walked up to me and asked if he could speak to my media supervisor.
It was then that I realized this was a youtuber/twitch steamer booth.
I died a little inside. I think I actually gasped out loud and said "omg I'm so sorry I had no idea I wasn't supposed to be here" and the guy just like, stared at me smiling until I basically speed walked away.
At the end of it I was going to see a presentation about writing in games, but couldn't figure out where the theatres were. I was so embarrassed to ask if they were outside the building or not, instead I called my friends to meet me (they went with me to Seattle but not the convention) and never came back.
I think I was there for like 2 hours.
BitMastaWin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kudos for going alone and still trying to have fun though
Humiliatingmyself ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:36:52 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and sorry about the first reply i didn't read it and thought it was a reply to something else. awkward. Thanks :) it was fun seeing the games and i did get to talk to a few people.
fresh_scents ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy, pardon, excuse me, purchasing stiff narrow dress shoes. Without heels. Black.
anasabbas9009 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have stayed in wash room for 20 minutes just to complete my snow bros final level and I can't wait to complete it.
ItsCl0udy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't want to be known as the guy that got stuck in the elevator, so when the repairman and RA's showed up I decided to give them a fake name. Worked and I got away with it but man could I have gotten into some shit if they knew
MisterMeatball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like how the first response to every comment about a dumb thing someone did (in the "What's the dumbest thing you did?" thread) is saying how dumb it was. Well, no shit.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Pizzacrusher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
maybe there was a group wager on what your response would be...?
abigfatnothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today someone accidentally broke one of my pictures frame. She didn't see it but she somehow knew. She asked if broke and I said no. I didn't want her to feel guilty. I bought a new one later. Cost me 15 euros.
plurkitty94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clogged the toilet first time I visited my ex's parents. Proceeded to mop up the disaster with all of the toilet paper, and then the towels when it ran out. I'm 95% sure they noticed but didn't say anything.
I_fix_aeroplanes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The answer to the question is everything.
meinheinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:07:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks reddit, for making me feel like far less of a pathetic loser.
carlosdainsane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The list is endless.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:16:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a walk alone in my neighborhood when I finally decided to go back home I crossed the street and turned around and crossed back to walk back home instead of just turning around to walk back. I need help lol.
Flippytootsaloot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said hi to someone and sat there for a minute and then walked off
nahidav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked the wrong direction. Did not want to turn around instead I walked a completely different route that was 3 km longer. I still do this whenever I get lost
MTknowsit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
99% of life.
5looshie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:56:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll remember a good one a few days from now.
Eggs1996 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to my state's Youth and Government convention/summit with all my friends and we ate some firecrackers (marijuana edibles). We were at a big dinner with all the other schools from the state where each school had a circular table. I was uncomfortably high and looked up from my phone to see that all my friends are gone from the table, and I was left with the two teachers and a group of other kids I didn't really want to talk to. So I get up hoping to find my friends. I see my friends (so I think), and they're standing all in a row leaning over the balcony with their backs to me (Ocean's 11 fountain scene style). I thought "this would be a cool picture" so I snap a picture of them on my phone. Next I walk up behind them and begin to say "you guys looked awesome standing there so I took this picture", but the people who turned around were NOT my friends. Not even from the same school. I just turned around and went back to my table. A mortifying experience made worse because I was stoned.
simpleman888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:02:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was walking around the White House in DC. Wanted to get past it but there was a line and for some reason my brain told me I needed to get in line in order to go around the White House. For perspective this was a line of high schoolers and I was a college freshman who is short so I fit right in. Wasn't until some woman was walking through the line and told me I needed to throw my drink away cause it wasn't allowed that I realized this in fact was a line to likely go inside the White House. I quickly walked away from that line and hoped no one followed me or asked questions.
isdlt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Years ago (1983?) I was invited to a girl's house for church. I overslept and arrived quite a bit later. I explained why I was late and as we sat around the living room. Every now and then the mom would say "Well, we should get ready to go". After about an hour...it hit me: I wasn't invited to this church service. I excused my self to the bathroom, calmly moved all the stuff from the window and jumped to my freedom. Ran to my car and got the hell outta there!
mezmezmez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a girl I knew from high school (it would be at least 7 years since we've since each other) when I was at work one day. She came up and said "Hey, mezmezmez!" I remembered her, but for some reason didn't say anything, so she said "Haha, don't remember me?" Instead of just saying "haha oh yeah of course, what's up" I said "My name isn't mezmezmez, it's Jess." And just pretended to have no idea who she was. I was new to the job so I didn't have a nametag yet, but I suspect she knew I was lying anyway.
illyay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in class with another person and we ended up in a group project. She would always say my name wrong and I never corrected her. It was completely wrong.
But it felt so weird to correct her this far into us knowing each other because I should've done it earlier. And so for the entire quarter she called me the wrong name. And then I'd run into her around school later and she'd say, "Oh hi EEELAAAAYAY".
Space_Shep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watched in silence as someone put cheese and sour cream on my burrito.
I'm vegan.
xcapten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After my first year at college, a bunch of people from my high school had a little shindig during the summer. I got there before my friends did, so instead of doing the normal thing and catching up with old acquaintances (who invited me), I hid outside behind some cars until my friends arrived.
jimbob6886 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:19:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When trying to find a new classroom on campus, I realized I was going the wrong way. Instead of just turning around, i proceeded to walk until I found a bathroom/study area/somewhere I could pretend I was going, stay there for a few minutes, and leave back the way I came once I knew anyone that had seen me arrive there was gone.
I do this pretty much every semester
Yruama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to fill my car with gas, but when I chose the wrong gas pistol, I put it back to choose the right one. The problem is that when you put it back you have to put your credit card again in the card reader to start the process again. But I didn't know that. So when I took the right gas pistol nothing came out of it. Since someone was waiting in the queue to fill it's car and that I didn't want him to see me struggle, I basically pretended I was filling my car for some time and then drove away, without having filled my car.
mosotaiyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:27:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was young... like maybe 8 yrs old or maybe younger... I had daycare and they always used to give us sliced banana off the peel... I hated banana's and I hid them in my pockets rather than eat them or tell them I didn't want to eat them. I remember my mom asking me why there was squishy banana in my pockets when she did the laundry.
BombsOverAgrabah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:30:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I order online from big box stores pretty frequently and sometimes have the option to have my items shipped to a nearby store for free. I never do this but one time I decided "what the hell?" and save ~$8 in shipping fees by having it shipped to the store instead of my home.
After wandering around this store for what felt like hours (too awkward to ask an associate where Guest Services was) I finally find the desk and discovered the lady working it was someone I went to high school with. We were cordial but by no means friends. Rather than risk small talk I took a hard right to avoid eye contact, browsed the kid's shoe section for a while, and nope'd out of there without my package.
The shame on the drive home and back to the store the next day still haunt me. I only ship to my home now.
so_pitted_dude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of asking for the dipping sauce I requested, since there was line up I just went and ate the sauce I despise.
Njagos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did so many stupid things, but I don't remember right now.
Ask me again when it's 3 AM and I'm trying to sleel.
then I remember
Ninja Edit 1:
I remember one small thing. I was walking home alone at 2 AM. One guy was behind me, nobody else.
I was a little bit nervous, and instead of just ignoring or watching him I tried to do some small talk.
"Hey how are you doing?"
"Uhm, okay I guess. I fell asleep at the bus stop, missed the bus and now I have to walk home."
"haha that sucks"
Instead of avoiding a weird Situation I forced myself into one. But the dude was pretty chill about it.
meghan1728 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
once at chipotle, they misheard me and put lettuce in my burrito bowl. i dont like lettuce. having worked in foodservice, i start panicking because i dont want to be That Annoying Customerโข. i also hate wasting food. so, my awkward, panicking ass is freaking out internally, and the guy just decides to start individually picking lettuce out of my bowl. he does this for about thirty seconds, and then the poor guy is like "do you just want a new bowl?" and im like "YES PLEASE" not...not my brightest moment
blade55555 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck this was a long time ago. I have others but this one always sticks out vividly. I was at my friends house and had a couple of other friends there. His mom made amazing chocolate chip cookies, but I had arrived late and they were already eating some.
There were a ton on the sheet still in the kitchen. Thing was that she had a set limit you could have and she didn't like it when people just took things. So I would have to ask for some. Should be easy right? Nah that's too scary for me, so I wait until she walks away and take a couple of cookies and eat them.
She notices, asks who it was and I had to admit it was me. To make it more awkward she tells me I either need to tell my parents or she can tell them that I stole. I said I'll do it. Lied to her that I did the next day when she asked and somehow believed me.
Sooo awkward and I have had plenty of other weird ones that I can't remember right now.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's kind of messed up that she gets mad at you for having cookies when you got there late anyway and everyone else was having them.
AdolfTickler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Abandoned a dozen eggs at the counter of a gas station (when I realized they were almost $4.00) by saying โIโll be right back I have a quarter in the carโ and leaving.
AlyshaUchiha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol this post describes me in a sentence.
So many times Iโve missed appointments, missed my bus, been late to work, missed my train, wouldnโt go into a food store or a kfc or whatever so I didnโt eat, all because thereโs guys standing along the way or outside the place Iโm going to who I can see want to talk to me and are either calling me or shouting for me to come over or making comments.
I hate it, I avoid them at all costs. I used to wear a massive jacket with a big furry hood in scorching heat in the middle of the summer when I was going places to avoid them. Didnโt work at all, I almost fainted a few times and people must have thought I was bat shit crazy.
And just to be clear itโs not all guys I donโt have some like phobia lol I just avoid the ones who are trying to talk to me.
slapzgiving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:53:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, time to relive this fun little party.
At a friends house in my mid teen years for a day party. It was someone's birthday or something...whatever. So, during the party I feel the tummy rumbles and got to make a poopy. The closest bathroom is on the first floor, just a toilet and sink pretty much. I go in and just unload like a chipotle burrito size monster in this thing and of course what happens...it does NOT FLUSH! 4 flushes in and nothing, and by this point I've been in there a while and people are starting to walk by to use the toilet because it's like THE bathroom. I start turning beat ass red and squeak out "just a minute...". Now I had a very simple option at this point, little gross but easy. Just grab toilet paper around your hands and break up the turd, flush and get the fuck out. Knowing that...this is what I did. So I'm panicking and in my mind I have an epiphany: "I'll just wrap the turd up in toilet paper, put it in my pocket, go outside (WHERE EVERYBODY FUCKING IS!), wait until no one is looking and throw that demon into another yard." And my friends, that is the EXACTLY what I did. AT 4 IN THE AFTERNOON! AT A PARTY! IN 80 DEGREE WEATHER! I don't know if anyone saw or noticed, but I remember being very coy and keeping a firm grip on that sucker in my pocket until I could launch that thing. Good god...someone had to have noticed...ugh...
audreypost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, in around 2nd grade, I peed myself in class because I was too nervous to interrupt the lesson and ask to use the restroom.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a baseball game my cousin was playing in. A teach of mine saw me and said "Hi, ZaBlanc! What are you doing here?"
I was young and awkward and didn't have my family names to straight and responded, "I'm here to see my aunt's son play baseball."
EDIT: I literally typed nephew and realized I meant cousin. Jesus.
mckili026 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call a girl an onion because I'm too much of a pussy to ask her out
berzerkfury365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purposely letting other people go first in an elevator.
People think it's me just being nice and polite, when in reality I just want to ride the elevator alone To me it's a win-win situation.
Brsijraz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:55:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Used to army craw around my 7th grade science class so that the teacher wouldn't know I was going to my friends tables
Bonky_JoJo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took a dump in a paper bag ... in my room, cause my roommate was in the shower and I didn't feel like asking him to get out. We now have a "code brown" rule in the house.
trulymadlybigly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let my friends bathroom flood instead of admit that Iโd clogged the her toilet. Pretty sure they knew it was me.
Zerohazrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:58:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something I do often. I'll be at work dustmopping and I'll walk by someone in an aisle and say excuse me. Then I'll go down the next aisle over. And the people I just went by will be there in that next aisle. So I'll just skip that aisle so I don't have to walk by them and say excuse me again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During a two week trip to my friend's house with his grandparents, I didn't want to ask them to wash my clothes so I ended up bringing two weeks worth of clothes with me.
the_grAyLIEN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did not shake the hand, ask for autograph, or ask for a pic with two of my absolute idols when walking right past them on separate occasions (!)... just weirdly said โhiโ... โcause Iโm a weirdo.
Spaghetti_Bender8873 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:05:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think they're ok with just a hello sometimes.
LeTmEsLeEpPlEaSe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 6th grade my school didnโt care that their was a snowstorm and made us come into school. So, I went onto my school bus to go home and realized I had art club. I ran off the bus, but tripped so everyone noticed I was leaving. So, I run to the art room, nobodies there. No art club that day. I couldnโt walk on the bus and explain myself, too awkward. I hid in the bathrooms until the busses left and thatโs when I started to panic. Because 1. My parents worked late so I couldnโt have them leave work to get me 2. My school was weirdly strict and youโd get in trouble if you stayed after for nothing. 3. Thereโs a huge snowstorm, like blizzard conditions. So I decided to walk home.
I got hypothermia because I was too awkward to go back on the bus.
hafetysazard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a former coworker tell me this story that I think fits.
He was at a gathering of his girlfriend's family, and she has a large family, so needless to say the place was packed. He grabbed some shrimp from an hors d'oeuvres tray. Anyways, he was stuck on the opposite side of the room from the nearest trash can, and he was way too nervous about having to navigate through the crowd of his girlfriend's family, plus he was getting really anxious about having to hold onto these shrimp tails. So he decides to turn around, hoping nobody would notice, and starts painfully eating the shrimp tails until they were all gone.
One her cousins noticed him doing that, and from now on makes a joke about it at every family gathering.
the_happy_otter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:03:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was chatting in a bar with a manager from a different department in my job. She brought up the conversation that they would be hiring soon and that I should go for the promotion to work with her. I panicked and thought a few things. 1, play it cool 2, if she's serious she'll say this when we're not having drinks and 3. Be light hearted. So in my panicked state my mind jumped to the only possible reply. FUCK NO! Followed by turning to talk to someone else.
possumking420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My sophomore year of high school, my older boyfriend, who went to the rival high school, took me to prom there with a bunch of his cool older friends I didn't know. I had a great time that night, no catastrophes, until after the dance, when went to an afterparty-- my first high school party. I was trying so hard to keep the horrible socially awkward demon that lives inside me contained.
Now, for a little backstory, I'm trans, and at the time was still halfway closeted. I never knew who I should go by my birthname with and who I should use my preferred name with. That particular night, I was using a little of both with the people I was meeting.
While I was at a table getting food, a very attractive girl came up to me and said in the most cheerful and normal tone, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I got your name!" "Oh, I'm-" I turned to look at her. I had waited a moment too long to answer. Now it would be weird if I said anything at all. I held eye contact in silence for a good 40 fucking seconds as she stared at me with growing concern, before whispering, "I'm sorry" and walking to the other end of the party.
It still haunts me to this day. I'm 20. It'll probably haunt me for the rest of my life.
Entheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Alright?" "Nothing much. You?"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:12:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Happy Birthday" "You too!"
Entheist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The classic... "Enjoy the film!" "You too!" To the cashier.
Gavinlw11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:05:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buy 4 nutrition bars individually for 1.19 each, using a total of 8 1$ bills. All because I didn't want to ask for quarters to do laundry. I don't even remotely like the bars I got.
timethrow95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got asked in a Job interview, how my friends would describe me, I have no friends and under the pressure could not think how to describe it or what they wanted, so just said, I dont have any friends. The interviewer was visibly stumped and moved on. Did not get the Job :(
mantenner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:06:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to the gym for 4 months every single day (no rest days) because I liked a girl that went there, until she spoke to me saying that she sees me here all the time, because I was too awkward to say hi to her the first time I saw her.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm English and live in America so for the last six years basically everything
madeyarage ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody cares.
Care_esq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in like 5th grade, I was outside looking for my younger brother and I thought I saw him some distance away on the playground. So as I got closer I realized it wasnโt him and Iโd been calling his name and yelling out to him to come home as if it were him. Instead there was a small group of kids just staring at me like Iโm an idiot. So instead of just saying โSorry, I thought you were someone else,โ I pretended Iโd been yelling past them at someone and I said, โHe ran away and I didnโt see where he went.โ Then I ran away.
Gerbilguy46 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 10 I went over to my next door neighbors house for a sleepover birthday party. I was the last one to fall asleep and needed to puss real bad before going to bed. The only bathroom was right next to his parents bedroom and I was too scared to go since I thought if I flushed it would wake them up, so I pissed myself. In hindsight I could have just pissed and not flushed, would have been gross but I also wouldn't have pissed myself.
ikilledtupac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to pretend to like Star Wars to get a job at sandwich shop in the mall.
Jkhahuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh look its a post about my entire life...
OutdoorFreshScent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bought a car two years ago. After a few months the bank stopped sending me bills/statements, and I just continued to send them checks, rather than calling and asking where my statements were (having to call people makes me want to vomit with anxiety). Everything was going fine until I forgot to make my car payment last month. Now this month I get to make two payments! All could have been avoided if I had just called in the first place :(
Elle3786 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked up 5 flights of stairs to a calc class every day for a semester, because elevators induce small talk.
YoungSmile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:09:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used go to ping pong when i was little. And one day i was practicing with a girl smaller than me. As we were playing I couldnโt hold it in anymore and peed my shorts. I was so embarrassed i bent my knees a little as if just played with a different stance. After that i went to put on my jeans over my shorts. My coach asked me why the fuck i was wearing jeans. I told him i felt more comfortable that way. Never went back there. I can laugh about it now tho.
Yodelgoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was taking a college music theory class and there was a big test coming up. I had actually done a good bit of studying so I felt fairly confident. I show up to class and grab a copy of the test and sit down. Something feels weird though. I look around and I don't recognize a single person in the room. And then it hits me. I mixed up the time of the class and I'm taking a test for the class ahead of me. I was far too embarrassed to just go to the teacher and say "Whoops I'm early" so I take the test to the best of my ability and hand it in to the teacher who looks at me like I'm a moron and says "Well, I don't expect you'll do very well on this".
Firaga1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In first grade I was coloring next to this girl. I accidentally dropped my colored pencil and it landed on her seat between her legs. I turned bright red and my brow started sweating. I felt so socially paralyzed that I couldn't utter a single word. My strategy instead was to slowly reach between this girls legs to get my pencil back. She just kinda looked at me afterward like "wtf" but I went back to coloring madly, hoping I'd cease existing.
Sanhael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked by my crush's house every day when I was in high school. She lived 3-4 miles away. Plus side: got into shape.
Kaizival ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college. Although this habit is getting better, I started the year by listening for my roommate whenever I wanted to go into our shared room. If I thought I heard a noise, I'd go outside the dorm and look in our window to see if I could see any light from the window. If it was on, I'd just go fuck off for an hour and then come back hoping he was asleep.
Fucks sake, me!
ghastlyactions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Taken an elevator up when I needed to go down, because I hit the wrong button and people were looking at me. So I get in... and every floor has been hit. I'm getting off this elevator with someone. So I wait till the top floor, the guy gets out and looks at me, and I just shake my head and let the door close.
BareBonesEnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I am picking up items from the grocery store; I hate when the cashier wants to comment on what I'm buying. It always makes me feel so awkward. Even if they don't say anything I still am urged to come up with an excuse and lie for what I am buying. I always say something like "Ya hopefully I got everything my wife wanted" or "My wife wanted me to get her these chips and drinks" or something.
I would say this even when I wasn't married, because I was way too awkward just to tell the cashier I was buying a bunch of cookies because I wanted them. haha
mfrieler324 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was riding the train home and bumped into a mutual friend. As we were riding along, I realized I was at my stop but the doors were already open and it would have required me to run out of the doors and cause a scene. The next stop was 15 minutes away so I just played it off like I lived in that area but my acquaintance did too, so I didn't get off there either. I made up another lie that I was actually going to the next stop to visit a friend, which was another 15 minutes away. I didn't want to get off with that person because I would have had to fake leave the station and then come back. My 20 minute/$6 commute turned into 3 hours/$20 because the next station had severe service delays. Woop!
anewgard41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:12:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
got the wrong order at a food court, didn't ask for a new order because I didn't want to be a bother ยฏ_(ใ)_/ยฏ.
Brobot10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once had food poisoning while staying at a friends house when I was 12 years old. Didn't want to disturbed the parents by waking them up to tell them I was sick at 1 AM. So I slept on the bathroom floor with the door locked and fan on so no one would hear me getting sick.
Finally got out around 9:30 in the morning and they were all watching tv in the living room and thought I was already gone. They saw how pale I was and called my parents to come get me.
grifxdonut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The way I talk to girls
MagicpotterFirstHit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 6-7 I was sleeping in a tent when I woke up at 5-6 am, because you know, I needed to go to the bathroom. But of course, there was no bathroom. I was so scared about getting out from the tent that I was awake for near 30 minutes until I finally peed in my pants. Lmao
jmvane375 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely I'm not the only one here to do this. Went out on a first date with a gorgeous girl that I had a massive crush for a long time. Did everything right (kinda?), bought her a rose, opened all the doors, paid all the stuff, made her laugh consistently. All of this was amazing because I was losing my mind with nerves. At the end of the awesome date, I walked her to her front and progressively got more and more nervous. I then thanked her for a good night and gave her a hearty hand shake and booked out of there. I was so embarrassed that was never able to recover from it with her as I just kept sabotaging myself further and further with her. IDIOT!!!
ferrettt55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will go far out of my way when driving to avoid turning left across busy roads because I don't want someone to come up behind me and get frustrated that I'm taking so long. I have a hard time judging distance and whether or not I can make a turn, so I wait for large gaps where I'm sure I can make it.
Rohri_Calhoun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got into a relationship because I was ambushed with a kiss and couldn't find the strength to say I thought we were going out for coffee not "coffee"
frediburgers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once outside of a friend's house and I really needed to shit. But I thought it would be too weird to just show up to his house for the first time ever and go straight to his bathroom. So I shit in the woods close to his house and wiped my ass with leaves.
PocketAssassin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pulled up to the gas station. Paid for my gas, couldn't figure out how the pump worked and ended up only pumping $.01 worth of gas. I ended up driving away with an almost completely empty tank.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lock my self out so I tore the window screen off my room because I didnโt want to ask for the spare key.
FinallyGotReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Die of organ failure because going to the doctor triggers such an intense social anxiety I canโt even describe it.
rrsn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went up to my professor after class to ask her a question. She asked what my question was. I blanked out temporarily. Instead of going, "oh, I forgot, actually, answer someone else's question first while I try to remember" or something like that, I looked her in the eyes, opened my mouth, and walked out of class. Then I dropped the class to avoid ever seeing her again.
rebel_wo_a_clause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate when parents / kids have the same name.
Back before cell phones rememberthat?, you'd have to call your friends' house and ask to speak to them. So I asked to speak to him, but his dad got put on the phone. Instead of correcting the mistake I made awkward small talk for a few minutes. "Hey, just...checkin' up on ya....seein' how you're doin'..."
byproduct0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have issues with starting a shit in a public bathroom if anyone is already in another stall taking a shit. So one day at work, when I had to take a shit, I went to the bathroom. Someone there. Up to 3rd floor. Someone there. Down to 1st floor, Someone there. Back to 2nd floor, Someone new there. This went on for about 45 minutes until finally I found an empty bathroom. Thankfully my boss never noticed how long I was gone.
ssup3rm4n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:18:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time getting out late from a new job. You need to walk through these doors that will lock after hours. To get in you need a badge, to get out you need to press the button that says "for emergency exit only".
Well it wasn't an emergency so I decided to find a different exit that wasn't locked. I ended up following the exit signs that hang from the ceiling. They all pointed towards a back door that lead me through the back end and through a few corridors. It then took me down some stairs and I ended up in the shipping and receiving docking station that had its gates closed. I went back up but the doors locked behind me and the badge didn't work for this part of the building.
I kept walking and walking until I found an emergency door and at that point, I didn't care much, since I felt I was in an emergency for being stuck in the building and decided to go through it. I ended up a few blocks away from where I parked.
The next day I also came out late and as I headed towards the similar exit. I decided to wait and pretend I was on the phone. I then saw someone leave by pushing the "emergency" exit button.
I could have saved myself trouble and time if I had just went back and asked the security desk for help.
voiderror404 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was looking at my crushes fb posts and I was reading a status. I accidentally liked one of his comments and I got so scared that I deactivated my fb for a few days. (This status was from like 3 of 4 months ago)
clemens014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who here has faked a phone call in public to pretend you WEREN'T walking the wrong way, cause this guy has.
KaraWolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like doing about faces "on a dime" when I find myself doing this. Ocassionally I end up doing them 2-3 times in the span of 10 feet because Im an idiot who forgot either what time it is or what day it is. I kind of hope it gives /someone/ a laugh. Even if I feel like an idiot.
MelkorLoL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a bit late but back in high school my dad was driving me to school and about 30 seconds into the journey I realised it was an Inset day (basically you get the day off), instead of bringing it up I decided to wait until I was dropped off at school and took the 1 hour walk back.
slelham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was sitting in a meeting with 15 other people and for some reason I took the cap off my Starbucks and forgot to put it on. I got excited and totally knocked the cup of coffee and it all went on my pants and shirt. I just continued as if nothing happened. They definitely noticed
wats_up_doc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:19:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a first year med student shadowing in the ER and my attending offered me some sunflower seeds. I eagerly threw back a huge handful before realizing they weren't shelled. I had no idea how to sort the shells and nuts so I just chewed and chewed until I realized nothing was getting better. I couldn't find a trash can and was too embarrassed to speak, so I gulped down a mouthful of shells. My throat itched for 2 days.
thrustingreatbacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After school, i had a bus pass to drop me off at the library. When we arrived, the driver informed me that the library is closed today and if I wanted to go home instead. Me, not knowing it was closed and caught off gaurd, said "no, my mom's picking me up" which was a lie. She said ok, i got off, and walked to the complete other side of town almost all the way back to school to go to my friends house, while carrying the poster board we were supposed to do a project on in the library. It was an almost 2 hour walk. When I got there, we watched stupid YouTube videos all night and when my mom picked me up, i ended doing the entire project all by myself that night because it was due tomorrow. I tried to get my friends to start it at their house, but they kept avoiding it.
College: took a class I didn't need becaue I felt too awkward to leave the class. Env. Sci. Teacher says :This is not a lab elective, if you need a science lab, this isn't the class you want" I needed a science lab. That wasn't the class I wanted. I stayed for the whole semester anyway.
lsdeverywhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:20:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my best friend pretended to fish for two hours after losing his reel on the first cast because he didn't want to walk past a load of Portuguese fishermen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My entire life.
nobodywon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 12 or 13 (?) my dad and step-mom started a new church. Step-mom had me go with all the other kids when they made the call for them to go to "children's church".. turns out the age cut off was much younger than my step-mom thought. I was too embarrassed to admit my age to the teacher and have to walk back into the main part of the church with everyone watching me, so I stayed.
We were all outside playing when everyone came out after services were over and several kids from my school got to witness me playing red-rover with all the little kids and therefore knew I had been in children's church the whole time. I still think that was better than the walk of shame I would have had to do if I had admitted to the teacher that I wasn't supposed to be there lol
foxdont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A guy asked for my snapchat and I told him I didnt have a phone while it was in my hand. I still feel bad about it.
Aldosaur2a8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My Mom, brother, and I went to a Burger King one day when my brother and I were pre-teens (maybe 7-8). My mother didn't speak English so she made my brother, who's older than me, order for us. He ordered burgers, fries, and drinks all separately rather than order the meals.
Cashier asked him if he wanted to do the meals instead.
My brother said no in the most awkward way.
:/
TonyDanzer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the game, but I'm currently in a rush to get home and managed to make it to the bus platform just in time to catch an earlier bus than I thought I would make.
Then I saw a girl I used to know from a dance studio I no longer dance at, panicked, and left the bus platform. Walked around the block a couple of times until I was sure that bus was gone, then came back to the bus station to catch the later bus.
I'm going to be late. I wouldn't have been if I had taken the first bus.
KingWool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Long distance girlfriend was In town and was staying with me for a month, everytime I had to go No. 2 I would go to the gas station at the corner. Usually before she woke up in the morning or when she fell asleep at night.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, when you stand at the urinal and suddenly you can not pee? But you really really had to go just 30s ago?
Well, i just pretend to finish up, then I leave the bathroom and search another one.
HookahLuka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to stay at my best friends house when I was about 9 and I would have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Whenever I stepped out of his room where his cats roamed they would just stare at me. I was (am) scared shirtless of cats. I took the alternative route and laid back in bed and peed my pants 3 or 4 different times and blamed it on sleep bed wetting.
psirhcillius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was invited to a fund raiser for a soccer club. It was in the next town over, roughly a 20 minute drive away, and I got a ride with someone (which, after this experience, is something I don't do anymore). It was fancy dress, women in elegant gowns and men in tailored suits. It was country-posh.
I really was not feeling sociable at all this day, but I'd paid for my plate and had a funeral suit in the closet so I thought why the fuck not. The food was an unremarkable selection of chicken-this and beet-that. After dinner I went outside to smell some cigarettes because of course I've quit smoking. Idly standing around people chatting while actively trying to get some second-hand smoke was pushing my awkwardness pretty high so I went for a walk around the club. Like, literally around the outside of the building. It was a really clear night and quite relaxing. I didn't want to go back in, but I didn't want to burden my ride with feeling like they had to leave early. I thought about calling a cab, but I was so set on not talking to anyone that even a taxi sounded like too much work. So I just left, and started walking the 20km (12 or so miles) home, in the dark, in my funeral suit.
a_marie95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm literally planning to play up a cold and call in sick next month so I don't have to ask for a Friday off within my first three months of my job even though this company is amazing and there's like a 5% chance of it being a problem.
Reason being my last job was terrible and they treated me terrible and I have anxiety from it still that everything I do is wrong. :)
terifficwhistler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the dentists office after having my braces adjusted. I sat there in the waiting area for my mom to pick me up. There was a girl waiting for her appointment. I stepped outside to see if mom was there yet. She wasn't, so I sat outside in January for probably half an hour because I was too embarrassed to just go back in and wait.
afterlex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate crappy hot dogs at a shitty convenienceย store. We then headed out of town to a rave. Arrived to said party, did some drugs. When to an afterparty, did a little bit more drugs. When to bathroom to piss, toilet overflooded. Danced. Hot dogs wanted to exit. I wanted to party. Hot dogs won.
RhapsodyW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in college, had to give a presentation in front of a big class. One of the requirements were to dress 'business casual' & at the time, I wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Ended up being wayyyyy too professional/fancy, compared to everyone else. So when it was my turn (as if I wasn't already nervous & persperakting) I just kept my wonder coat zipped all the way up on the entire presentation. Was probably dripping sweat by the end of my presentation. At the time I thought it was better to wear a winter coat than to be slightly embarrassed about over dressing...
rieri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tried to bounce my car out of an awkward parking spot with a friend because we didn't want to ask the company owner to move his. We eventually had to do that anyway.
DanLePro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a light about to make a left when I saw an old man crossing the street with a walker. He was going soooo slow that I merged back into the lane and re routed. Was late 10 minutes for work lol
spongebobwilson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where's the guy who gave his deceased friends mother a bro handshake at the funeral?
Krafty989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 11, I visited my cousin for his birthday because we were extremely close and didn't see each other much. The first morning there, his step dad came out during breakfast time and asked if I wanted any cereal. I've always been extremely picky and particular with my food, so when I visited people, this was always difficult.
I saw they had Fruit Loops and asked for those, my cousins followed in asking for Fruit Loops, but they only had one bowl's worth. Their step dad gave the bowl to me because I was the guest. Then he poured milk in the bowl.
I don't eat cereal with milk. Instead of giving it to one of my cousins that actually would've ate it, I just swirled my spoon around until everyone left the table and threw the cereal away.
StillChasingMusic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once during one of my later years at secondary school I walked in to my science lesson and took my usual seat at the front of the class. It was in an awkward position, the sole seat at a table facing sideways rather than forward like all the others. I preferred to sit alone so I was fine with it.
About 2 minutes in to the lesson I looked up and realised that I didn't recognise a single face at any of the other tables. Checked my timetable and found that actually my double period of science was after the morning break, not before.
I had four periods of science that day.
cluebrayon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once on a train I kept 17 orange pips in my mouth for the whole 22 minute journey because I didnโt want to spit them out in public.
Unreal_Banana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is me
JohnLoomas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pissed myself at 10 years old because my friendโs cat was blocking the only bathroom and wouldnโt move. That was a mean cat.
trentdowdell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in tenth grade I had to sharpen my pencil. The girl I had a crush on was directly next to it so instead of using the normal sharpener I used the old pencil sharpener that was hidden in the back. The teacher asked "what are you doing?" I said sharpening my pencil to only find out it didn't work... Everyone was staring and laughing fml
just-dont-it ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once at Baskin Robins I asked to taste a flavor, but instead of the flavor I asked for the guy put a scoop of a different flavor that had almonds in it. I'm allergic to almonds. But instead of telling him this I ate the ice cream and spit it out onto the floor and said "man that flavor sucks"
Lt_Dickballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drop out of school, everyone would line up before class started and I would have a mini panic attack when I saw it and end up waiting in the bathroom or just going home... ended up flunking out and never went back
blueriver343 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking around a tj Maxx a long time ago, just looking at the seasonal decorations. I start meandering over to the cosmetics area, and take a look at what they had. I noticed that there were those little magnetic bar sticker things that make the machine beep when you leave without paying (or even when you do pay). These things give me extreme anxiety, because they always go off no matter what you do.
Suddenly I remember that I had recently bought a foundation that had one of those stickers on it, and it was in my purse. I started thinking that it would go off when I left, and then the store people would think I was stealing something and my anxiety couldn't bear that thought.
So, I stealthily reach in my purse and remove that sticker from my foundation and start looking for somewhere to put it. Of course there wasn't any trash cans, and I'm not about to litter or anything, so I'm looking around in an anxiety fueled desperation when I finally see a trash can.... Right in between the things that beep when you take the stickers through.
The normal thing to do would be not give a fuck, I'm not stealing shit. Instead, I toss that sticker in the trash and it sets off the beeping to my great horror and I look over at the cashier who's giving me this look like 'i know what you're doing, sneak thief'. I bailed out of there so fast in a tornado of embarrassment and shame and I knew I couldn't go back there ever again.
It's been ten years and I've never gone back.
Tl;Dr: didn't want to look like a thief, made myself look like a thief.
Babayaga20000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We had driven out to a Mennonite establishment somewhere near Salmon Arm, BC. The owner is quite a talker and really good at selling his products and he talks me into buying a big bag of sausages since he would also throw in a free bottle of honey mustard.
As im paying the cute cashier girl asks me if I would like some fresh smoked beef jerky. I say why not, it sounds great and how expensive could it be?
A little 200 gram bag of jerky was nearly $35, combined with the sausages gave me a total of ###$70!
I was shocked at the total but too awkward to say anything so I bought it all...
The jerky was shit too
Spazznax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably turning in a blank midterm in middle school because my pencil broke on the first question in a silent classroom. The sharpener was on the teacher's desk and you had to walk up in front of the class and basically look him in the eyes while you did it.
Chrenen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:28:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked the box office at a improv theatre in LA with a strict no late seating policy. Well after the show started- I realized I hadn't shut the box office window with it's crappy little drape. THEN HE ARRIVED. I hear someone pulling at the doors, then knocking, then pulling some more- then he started yelling. I realized I did not want to deal with this man IN THE LEAST. So right as he turns towards the window I slink down under my desk. Luckily, he only thought he saw something. But that didn't stop him from yelling and banging on our window. For 10 minutes I waited him out before I army crawled behind another desk. Then another 15 minutes. He kept leaving and coming back trying to bait me in exposing my position. After some time he got fed up and left, and about 5 minutes later the show ended. I don't regret any of it.
Seethist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid, I went into the ladies room by accident and while in the stall, I heard women talking. I stayed in there for about an hour and missed class until I was certain nobody was around.
ilikecatpicturestoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to the party here, but this happened when I first went home with my now husband to meet his parents. I went to take a shower and his mom explained to me that they have one of those tankless water heaters and sometimes it shuts off so if that happens, to just yell real loud from the shower so they can turn it back on for me. So thinking that i can surely figure this damn shower out, I go in turn it on, get undressed and check the temp....cold. I turn it all the way up and wait a few minutes, still ice cold. Its now been a little while, and i'm too awkward/embarrassed to be naked and yelling at my boyfriends parents that I just suck it up and take the coldest shower of my life.
thatoldguy37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I worked in my parents bakery as an assistant, I was putting away a glass jar of cherries. Only to drop the cold slippery jar half way to the fridge and the baker(my dad) just laughed while I cleaned up the mess. Later that day when the manager( my very impatient mom) was looking for the cherries, rather than admit that I had broken the jar, I helped her look for the jar for a good half-hour before she eventually gave up and assumed someone had taken it home. Later that day after I had left the baker told her that I had broken the jar. She wasn't angry that I broke it she was angry that I have to look for it rather than admit my mistake.
Whotefuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a habit of running away and hide when people I don't want to talk to comes walking towards me. Those people would be ex's or just someone from my past. Anything is better than awkward silence/small talk.
CrunchyNutMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My freshman year of college, I walked into a senior level class. When I realized I was in the wrong class, I didn't want all the upperclassmen to think I was some dorky freshman, so I sat there for a solid ten minutes before the person next to me asked what my senior design project was. I panicked, said overtly loudly "I have to go to the bathroom," stood up and walked out.
Stannis_Darsh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When we were kids, one of my friends took a shit and used a towel to wipe since we didnโt have any toilet paper. Then he hid it my brotherโs dresser, which my brother discovered months later.
InsaneMcFries ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just the other week I reversed into a gutter in a parking lot because I thought there was a gap into another row and my mudflap came off. Someone was on their phone nearby outside their car and I awkwardly gave a clumsy wave to them. As I started to drive I saw the mudflap piece on the ground and pretended not to see it and drove off really fast.
MeGhosta1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go into a convenience store and buy something that I didn't want to buy so I don't just walk around the store and leave
1RedReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
U U C
U = urinal
C = cubical
Less than a quarter of a metre between the urinals/cubical.
A person was using the leftmost urinal, and someone was in the cubical. Rather than be a normal human being and use the free urinal in the middle of the 3 toilet stations, I washed my hands so that it didn't look like I was in the toilet for no reason.
As I was drying my hands and leaving, the bloke using the left urinal stopped and went to also wash his hands, looking at me in the process.
I went to the toilets in another part of the building, but they were out of order, so I went back to the original toilets.
As I was approaching the original toilets, the bloke using the left urinal had left and started walking in my direct/the way I came.
He gave me the strangest "what the fuck are you doing" look I've ever gotten.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Held my urine in until I passed out in 6th grade, still was under the school of thought that I had to wait for a quiet moment and ask. So anyways, don't have that dress anymore.
Hope_Burns_Bright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was working the opening shift at a grocery store. My manager was the only other one in the kitchen. He sent me to the deli, so I in my infinite wisdom deduced that the fastest way was squeezing past the rack of food that was next to us. It was a good seven seconds of me trying to finagle past it, I had committed to this endeavor.
He looks at me after the wonderful display and he's like "You...know you could have just walked around the other side of the kitchen...right?". I scurry away.
Sorry Mike, I'm the patron saint of awkwardness at six in the morning. I'm so sorry
Isthisgoodenoughyet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pissed myself at my babysitters when I was like 7 and didn't know what to do so I just waited until my mom came to get me, babysitters son had a girl over and she was like what the hell is that smell, I acted like nothing happened.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
construction workers were standing in a circle talking and i had to walk by them to get back to work, i didnt want to so I just walked back and walked around my entire building and went in the door right on the other side of them
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was one meeting friends at a bar, i arrived first and thought I would look cool and independent if i bought a drink and sat on my own waiting. I have a weird smile when i feel awkward and I couldn't wipe this smile off my face, so after five minutes of struggling with a weird smile and making uncomfortable eye contact with other customers it all became too much for me so i left. I went and waited outside another bar and told my friends to meet me there.
iamnas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a house party I had sex with a girl that I had liked for a while. The party was at her house. She went to the bathroom. As I lay in her bed naked, I sharted. Lifting the covers, I saw the little stain that I had left on her sheets. I panicked and realised that I had to cover it up some how. I got a bit of ash from an ashtray and tried to rub that in. It sort of worked but not fully and in my stoned brain it didnโt look believable. So I put on my boots and tried to rub the ash in by walking on it. She walked in on me stood on her bed naked in just my boots
cncguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went into a pet store to find a small terrarium for a project I was working on. They didn't have any but I had been in the store for 15 minutes at that point looking. I didn't want them to think I was stealing so I bought a small can of fish food. I don't own a fish, and three years later the can is still sitting on my shelf.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent an entire holidays in my hotel room because I was too afraid to go outside :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Talking to a girl in the hallway before class. She starts laughing, snorts, and blows a HUGE snot out of her nose and onto my shirt. She looked like she wanted to die, so I did the best I could to make her feel better. I said, "Happens all the time." I guess the normal thing to do would have been to laugh and wipe it off but really? People blow snots on me all the time?
WW-OCD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When shopping if I arrive at the checkout counter even remotely close to the same time as another person, I will pretend I just thought of another item I needed to get and roam around the aisles until they are done checking out.
TheMegaBenson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vote for Hillary Clinton because fuck this monstrosity in the White House
ShiraCheshire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but my mom. She told me this when I was worried about being too shy and awkward all the time.
She was watching a drive-in movie with a friend and the friend's parents. About halfway through someone got up for some reason. When they came back and closed the door, my mom's hand slipped and her finger got closed in the door.
She didn't say anything. She sat that way for the rest of the movie because she was too shy to tell anyone what had happened.
NanjoQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this will be buried but this is so relevant to me because I was a dumbass last month. A food place on campus has you order at a kiosk, get a number, get your order, and then pay at the registers. Well I got my number for my chicken tenders and fries and was waiting and using my phone. My number was called, I knew it was my number, except for some reason I didn't immediately go up and get the food. So I just stood there, still on my phone for a while then after I had made peace with not getting my chicken tenders, I went to the regular dining hall.
AltDelete ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL redditors just sit in bathrooms all day and avoid other people
RandomThrowAway4629 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my freshman year of high school, my geography teacher was trying to teach us about the American road system, and asked if anyone in the class had a home address that was nothing but numbers and directions. I did, and raised my hand, but apparently he wanted to show how you could locate someones house like this and began drawing a map to my house on the board. For some reason the post 9-11 stranger danger part of my brain decided the exact location of my shitty old house was classified information for a bunch of innocent high schoolers, so when the teacher asked for the second half of my address I told him I didn't know it. Now, this was my first year in this public school system after having gone to private schools previously, so I tried to play it off as we had just moved into the area, and I hadn't been bothered to completely memorize the thing. That wouldn't have been so bad, except my older brother had actually started a year before, and knew the teacher from having taking the same class. The teacher proceeded to call me out on being a high school student who didn't even know his own home address. I can't remember how it ended, either I "found" my address printed on some of my stuff or if I just suddenly "remembered" it, but I do remember that the map to my house ended up getting drawn on the board anyway, and I looked like a giant dumbass.
Good_shot_Janson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Outdoor school in 5th grade. When it was lights out, I discovered that my canteen had leaked all over my sleeping bag and bunk mattress. I couldn't even use my towel as a sheet as it was soaked too.
Instead of telling the counselor, I slept on just the hard bunk, shivering all night. Longest. Night. Ever.
Mezolithic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I got on the wrong bus but rather than get out at the next stop I waited till it got to the same stop, got out and just walked instead.
AngelsHero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once found a wedding ring, and I knew whose it was, but I couldn't bring myself to knock on the door and tell them I found it.. I rang their doorbell Left it on the doorstep and ran away
way2lazy2care ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had temporary roommates for the summer. They called me the wrong name when we met, and I didn't correct them in an amount of time I considered normal. I let them call me the wrong name all summer.
chachinstock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a dump at school and right when I was going to flush and leave someone walked in. I sat in the stall waiting for them to go in their stall or leave. Well this chick wound up sobbing at the sink for a good 20 minutes, thinking she was alone. I sat there waiting in my shit smelling stall and missed the test I was supposed to take, dropping my grade by a letter.
MyLifeIsUnpopular ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:38:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
reading this thread reminded me of what i did in college, its not bad but it does file under awkward
when i was in college i opened the door to walk into my next class. i should mention, for the campus, this is a big classroom and could hold over 100 students easily. so when i opened the door, i realized that the prior class had gone over their normal time and was still going. the professor and the class jut stopped in their tracks and stared at me. this was at the very front so everyone could see me. a normal person would have closed the door and wait until class ended. what i did was walk into class and walk up about 2 dozen stairs to the very back row as they stared at me. i sat in between two people ive never seen in a class ive never been in and began to unpack like everything was normal
luckily the class only lasted for about 5 more minutes until everyone left but i still cringe thinking about it
LadyBugPuppy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spent the night at my aunt's. Apparently she really likes AC because I was freezing. I couldn't bring myself to ask for a blanket, so I piled all the clothes and towels I could find in the bedroom on top of the bed to try to sleep.
onethomashall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Left a splinter in my thumb, when I was 10, for nearly a month because I have lost my parents tweezers and didn't want them to know.
I got infected and eventually had to be cut out by a doctor.
Grolschisgood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once scanned a can of beans twice so i paid twice as much rather than getting the checkout chick superviser person to cancel it.
My_Ex_Got_Fat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to buy a 10 pack of juicy fruit a day before school and would sell or give out enough to cover my pack for the next day, well sometimes I'd play a game to see how many pieces I could chew before the teacher noticed, got 6 packs deep in Spanish class one day was about the size of a giant jawbreaker. Well the teacher eventually noticed and asked me wtf was in my mouth and reflexively for some reason I said paper and we were working with construction paper that day and my happened to be yellow, she tells me to spit it out.
I go to the trash can to comply spit it out, well the trash was pretty empty so it made a loud thunk, and everyone was like wtf. Got the weirdest looks from the people who didn't know it was gum after that.
grandwubby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laid down on a living room floor for two hours pretending to be asleep because I didnโt want to talk to a family friend who came over my house unannounced
potatosplease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rolled over one of those parking lot cement blocks...instead of reversing when I hit it I floored it because I wasn't thinking right from the embarrassment.
E72M ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too many things... I am such an awkward person that I do stupid things so often I try not to remember them
ObsoleteSalmon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went into Physio for my shoulder. Physiotherapist started working on the wrong one and I didn't want to embarrass her because I thought she was hot. Proceeded to have the wrong shoulder worked on for an hour while also doing the strength excersizes for the wrong shoulder. I felt at that point I had to commit. I didn't go back again.
The worst part is I'm pretty sure at one point we both knew it was the wrong shoulder, but chose to remain quiet.
AMultitudeofPandas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fifth grade I was trying to adjust my pants and instead made an idiot out of myself. All of my clothes were ill-fitting and came from walmart, because we were poor and constantly buying things I would "grow into" so they would last longer (some of which are still too big, and I am an adult). So I was constantly pulling up my pants or pulling down the legs when they wrinkled up and got stuck in their own excess fabric. Well I'm standing around in the crowded gym waiting to be sent to my classroom (they never let kids below 9th grade just walk around the school, everyone had to wait in designated lines in the gym) and I had to fix my pants. I figured out that if I kicked/shuffled my leg a certain way, they would fall back into place and I didn't have to pull on them. Now, no one else had to adjust their clothes as much as I did, and so I didn't want to pull on them, and so I decided the kicking/shuffling was better and less noticeable.
Cue me standing there for five minutes straight, shifting my weight between my feet every few seconds, and waving my non-support leg around like a dog with fleas. I got some weird looks, and thought I'd set myself on fire because my face was burning so hard after another kid asked me what I was doing (with that face children use when addressing a crazy person)
rolloverrover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I run into someone at the store, I'll go way out of my way to avoid them after we say goodbye.
bonham_22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at a high up boutique property development company in the west end of London. On my first day they said it was customary to take new staff out for a "welcome" meal at this swanky restaurant in Barkly Square. We got there and I didn't know what anything was on the menu and there was no description given on the menu (I assume they thought everyone would know what these foods were!) I ordered something which turned out to be fried squid. As a vegetarian this was an absolute nightmare but I was too awkward to admit that I had made a mistake and ate my dead animal I later went home and cried about it, but looking back on it now it's kinda stupid I didn't just say!
badleeroybrowne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time when i was in a coffee shop in Amsterdam after smoking a lot of weed I stood up to walk out, as I stood my head smashed into a giant candle that was hanging from the wall above my head. Hot wax from the candle spilled out all over my head/hair/hoodie and everyone in the coffee shop turned to see what was happening. I was so shocked and stunned I didnt know how to react, a group of people sitting close by and the vendor behind the till all stood up and approached me to help, the only response I could think was to refuse everyones help and leave as quickly as possible out of embarrasment. I then had to walk miles through Amsterdam City centre back to my hotel with wax all in my hair and on my face.
Crow_Solo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nerdy, 1st grade me had a crush on a girl in my class. Instead of trying to talk to her or being her friends or throwing rocks at her or something, I would make sure i was behind her in lunch line and chew her hair when no one was looking... Kill me
AndthereisPeter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:43:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went on a hike yesterday, I didn't want to get past or talk to the people behind me so I started to jog. 2 miles later, I was complete exhausted and drenched in sweat, but they finally went down a different path.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked into the bathroom (one urinal and one stall) to pee at the urinal. There was someone pooping so I coughed to announce myself just as I always do so he would wait until I left before coming out like a decent human.
Yet, even though I coughed, he comes out while I'm peeing. Not only that but he doesn't even try to rush by me while my back is turned so that I don't see who was pooping . He goes right to the sink and starts washing his hands. He doesn't give a fuck that I know that he pooped! So crazy.
I had already flushed and was turning right before he first opened the stall and then I just turned back real quick when he opened it to pretend I was still peeing. Meanwhile, a second guy walks in to use the bathroom and waits right behind me while I'm fully zipped up and pretending to pee.
So I turn around and walk off to let him use the urinal and he very makes a sigh sound and flushes (thinking I didn't flush). The fucking Chinese dude is washing his glasses in the sink. There's no way I can just walk out without washing my hands so I have to wash my hands right next to him and then I finally escape. fortunately I didn't have to see the guy who thinks I didn't flush again but it's not a huge school so idk.
Repulsia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't poop for 9 days cos I was staying at my boyfriend's house.
somespedteacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in a McDonalds drive thru and I had paid at the first window and was waiting for my food at the second window. I was looking in the glove compartment for something and somehow let my foot off the brake and my car drifted forward into the bushes. Instead of driving back I just left without my food :-/
room-to-breathe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peed into a bathroom vanity
eqleriq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
talking to people via the internet
Berzuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was around 9 or 10 me and my dad went to a friend of our's house that we used to fish at to watch some RC boat racing and to fish. My dad was also helping her out by doing some work on a building in front of her house. She lived along a lake that was behind her house so that's where i was just chilling. I was alone and really needed to pee but i didn't want to go get my dad because he was so far away and maybe they'd think i'm weird (my 10 year old anxious mind at work) I also didn't want to go ask the lady to use her bathroom because that too was OBVIOUSLY weird. So after i don't know how long i just end up peeing myself. Not a little drizzle, full on pee all over my pants and in my shoe. I didn't know what to do so i just stood there on the dock. I was debating just jumping into the water so it would just seem like i fell because that was clearly easier than just asking to go to the bathroom. Eventually my dad came by and i don't remember how he figured it out or what his reaction was but he just tied my jacket around my waist and walked me out. He didn't say anything about it to the lady as far as i know but we never went back there again.
HeOfLittleMind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid a friend down the street invited me over to their house over the phone, but when I got there their front door was already open and I wasn't sure if I should just walk in or ring the doorbell and stand there like a dumbass until I was invited in, so instead I turned around, went home, and told my mom it was because I had a stomach ache.
Frodo_Bomb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time at a sleepaway summer camp in the city (pre-college art school), I tried to impress my new friend group and the girl I had a crush on by jumping down a flight of stairs. My stunt was going well until my toes nicked the last step and my whole foot hyperextended wayyyy farther back than a foot should, as if it had done a 180 spinโaccompanied by a loud, audible crunch as it snapped back into place.
It hurt like hell and I definitely should've gotten medical attention immediately, but no, being the self-conscious teenager I was, I played it off cool and said I was fine and pretended I wasn't limping in excruciating pain the whole walk back through the city. The last thing I wanted was to spend the next two weeks at camp as that guywith the cast and crutches because he broke his foot by thinking with his penis.
I didn' tell any counselors for fear that they'd force me to go to the emergency room for an x-ray and appropriate treatment. Ignorance is bliss, right? I guess at the time, I figured that the pain of embarrassment outweighed the pain I physically felt in my ankle, which by now had swelled to the size of a grapefruit, though was closer in color to a plum. It got the point where I couldn't fit my foot in my shoes anymore, at least not without immense pain or cutting off circulation. My solution? Wear flipflops for the rest of camp, and hop around on my good foot if I needed to move faster than a sluggish hobble.
With open-toed shoes, however, everyone else was able to pick up on the swollen, greenish-blue bruising that overtook my ankle as well as the dark purple hue a few of my toes had started to turn, and friends and counselors alike expressed their concerns for my foot's wellbeing. "It feels fine, don't worry about it," I lied to them, though I still accepted the icepacks they offered me.
The duet of clicking and slushing noises my foot made when I tried to move it within its limited range-of-motion was a constant reminder that I was being a total idiot for neglecting it. The instant my parents came to pick me up at the end of camp, I suggested we take a quick pitstop at the nearest x-ray machine. To my surprise, my foot was, in fact, not broken, but severely "contused" (fancy way of saying the bone was bruised). Was it pure luck or did drinking all that milk through adolescence really pay off? One thing's for sure, I make sure to thank mr skeltal every day for good calcium and strong bones.
Clegane_BowlXXI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My freshman roommateโs girlfriend was in a sorority and I got to know them pretty well. The next year one of them is turning 21 so we all go to her house to wish her a happy birthday and drink and what not. Lemme tell you about this girl. Letโs call her Jessica. Jessica is really Fucking tall. Probably around 6โ2โ or 3โ and tonight she was in heels and was at about 6โ5โ. I can get nervous at Party so as Iโm walking to the keg to get beer we cross paths and instead of saying something normal like โhappy birthday!!!!!โ all that I said was โjessica.... youโre so yโall!!!โ And walked away.
SevenAImighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You: โGood morningโ Me: โGood, thanks!โ
gnarlin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:45:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything I have ever done has been awkward and stupid.
queenbeeemalee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went behind a counter at a long john silvers when I was prb 10. To get a drink refill. I was too shy to ask plus I saw another person doing it
kingsillypants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:46:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This hot but somewhat crazy girl had been wanting to bang for sometime but I always had a girlfriend. Then me and the ex break up, I'm in town, drunkenly dancing away, throw caution to the wind, and go home to my place with said hot but crazy chick especially since it was Iceland and super cold and I was lonely but I didn't wan't her staying all day at my place. So, I start dropping hints before the crazy sexy time, about how I have to get up early for my morning run and to go train. Sheยดs like yup , uh huh, okay. Which I thought she meant she'd bounce before I had to head out. Nope. 6am roles around, and I start getting cold weather gear on to go out and jog, and sheยดs like "I'm just gonna nap" and Iยดm like fuck, well I have to commit to it now. So I go for a couple of miles run, in the subzero temperatures of freezing Reykjavรญk because I was too much of a pussy to ask her to leave. And yes, she was still there when I got back.
Lizzybutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently got my very first STD check done at this private online hospital. Said the price was like ยฃ80 and because I had just done stuff with a guy and was going to do it with another I wanted to find out right away wether I had anything or not. The doctor did all the tests, then said its ยฃ200. I was floored at the difference in price and since it was all done I didnt know what to do so I just paid the price and left like its what I meant to do. Ate nothing but beans for the rest of that month...
TL;DR Paid for a ยฃ200 STD check because I didnt want to seem cheap
DvaOnline_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:47:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tl;Dr I accidentally created some toxic gas because I was too scared to ask to use another bathroom.
I was getting ready for work one morning and I had to pee REALLY REALLY badly. I share a bathroom with 1 other person who was taking a shower at the time and I was too scared to use my other roommates' bathroom since we're pretty strict on having our own stuff/spaces. I couldn't hold it in any longer so I decided to pee in a bucket I had in my room from mopping the night before. Big mistake, I forgot it was bleach and water. After a couple seconds of peeing i felt a warm sensation and looked down and smelled the most toxic gas mixture from the pee and bleach. Had to air out my entire room all day and felt sick all morning. It smelled like someone lit a butthole on fire
shouldvestayedalurkr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peeโd in the hallway leading to the bathroom in 1st grade because someone else was in there and I was awkward. Had to clean it up while so many kids walked by.
miabelo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've done so many awkward things that it all just blends into one, but my boyfriend did this - I was with him when he was trying to sell an amp to a guy who'd been trying it out for about half an hour and then talking my boyfriend's ear off for another half an hour. As we were all leaving the rehearsal studio where we'd met the guy, he was super friendly and asking us what direction we were headed in and maybe we could all walk together and my boyfriend was like 'oh no we're going the complete opposite way, have a good night though'. So off we walked in the opposite direction of home until we could loop back just so he wouldn't have to talk to the guy for 5 more minutes. ๐
cousinskeeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Small talk makes me anxious. When random convenience store/gas station workers at places I frequent begin to recognize me and start engaging me in conversation every time I come in, I stop going.
Black_Wolves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pulled the Noah's Street Move once... This is from the movie The Notebook. I was after this girl, we were walking in the city and didn't know what to do to keep the conversation going since it was turning backward. I did the same as Noah did... Got myself on to the middle of the street (an avenue), laid there and asked her to join me "because YOLO". Then I noticed a car coming really fast and had to stand up as quick as I could. Thank God, nothing happened to me. She stayed on the sidewalk looking at me like if I was an idiot. I was.
Lolwhatisfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 16 I worked at a fast food place that also had a small grocery inside; Braumโs, for those who know/have them in your state. So the first time I was allowed to work the grocery area, unbeknownst to me there was a special going on: if the item had a pink sticker on it, it was a dollar off the listed price. No one told or showed me how to configure this in the register...so when people paid with cash and had dollar-off items, I rang them up as normal and then handed them back a dollar for each special item.
This worked well until someone wanted to pay with a credit card and had like ten stickered items. That person was quite glad to receive $10 cash along with their groceries. In my defense, that register had a โcall managerโ button, which I pressed to no response.
TwoTired-likeAbike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a little late, but high school freshman me thought he could handle the devils lettuce before school, showed up 10 minutes after the morning bell had rang and decided to go sit on the high chair in the men's bathroom for 2 hours with my feet out of view.
LordDrewpicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A girl in my class threw an end of elementary school party at the end of fifth grade at her house, and everyone was there. They had those inflatable slide things, bouncy castles, cookies, lemonade, Gatorade, all that good stuff. I really had to take a dump so I asked to use their bathroom inside, and her mom showed me where it was. I clogged their toilet and was so embarrassed that even after like 10 bottles of Gatorade, I didn't want to have to use their bathroom again but I didn't want to leave the party because the entire grade was there. I peed my pants in my mom's van the second I climbed inside.
SpliffinJah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I robbed a pharmacy for crab shampoo, whole thing went down poorly..
BigSkeeza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pull out
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:49:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
GiraffePolka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did the same fucking thing when I was 17. Got it covered up later though.
Keepyourlawsoffmylab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me.
s_rye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This whole thread is me IRL
casemount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:50:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Normally, my response to "How are you?" is: "Good, you?" or "Good, yourself?"
One day muscle memory fucks up, and in the same tone, I go "You, good?" I walked past that person fast enough that they may not have noticed.
Grenyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have pretty much dropped out of school and become a hermit due to my anxiety. I just let it win.
In all seriousness, it is exhausting and I always thought it would get better, but it never did. Even so, there are many situations detailed in this thread that I have also been in yet I never made them awkward.
But I guess I'd rather lose the battles with anxiety than I'd lose the war with it. And that's what happened.
conh0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost got trapped inside a store because the dependants were talking to each other and didn't notice I had gotten in. I was a small kid and it was time to close already.
ChildOfTheSoul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haven't gotten my braces off after six years of not going to the orthodontist because I feel like it would be too awkward to tell a new orthodontist that I hated my old one.
scylk2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wtf ? How has it not ruined your teeths ?
ChildOfTheSoul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good dental hygiene and the brackets are just glued on. I've heard of people fucking their teeth up by removing them on their own but never of people keeping them on and having their teeth ruined, idk though.
scylk2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but do you still have the wire between the brackets ? Cause the whole purpose of these things is to apply mechanical force to you teeth to move them in the right place, so I would assume if you keep them to long it could keep moving in a wrong way ?
Also I can't understand how you don't want to get rid of them, I mean I was so glad when I was done with this. You could just go to a new orthodontist and said you were too busy or abroad or any vague shit like that, they won't question it
nun_atoll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if you do ever manage to get the braces off, you'll either need no retainer, or the most retainer to ever retain.
nanna_mouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:53:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a convenience store next to my dorm in college that had the rack of plastic bags sitting within easy reach of both the customer and the cashier. I lived next door to the place for three years and never knew whether or not I was supposed to bag my own stuff and was too scared to ask, so naturally I bought an oversized shoulder bag with a big peace sign on it and made awkward small talk about the environment while stuffing my purchases into my messenger bag to "avoid using plastic bags".
harshbaseball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blinker went out in my vehicle and for the three weeks that I drove without fixing it I would just keep on driving straight a 4 way stops to not be the asshole that turned without signaling. Took me forever to get to some places because of having to back track.
kJer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
approached and went up an escalator backwards to avoid eye contact with my ex
LoveIsRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao oh god
abbylouwhoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This entire thread is too meirl for meirl.
ElectricMonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:55:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the thread I was born to answer.
So, to provide context to this story: I was in 8th grade and was in German class. I usually showed up pretty early to the class, to the point where I'd just sit outside of the class waiting for the previous one to get out, and usually I was the first one. And the day this happened was the same.
Now because this was in 8th grade, I was in my full-on awkward phase, and was always tired because school started early, I went to bed late, and all of that plus being a tween is a great combination for failure.
So I showed up at the door, and I'm really fucking tired. Like, "having just ran a marathon and done the hardest workout of your life just after finishing an all-nighter streak" kinda tired. The next class gets out, and it's just me and this girl waiting to go in.
When everybody gets out, the entire classroom is empty, as usual. I walk in and the girl that's there says something to me, about my seat I think. I have no idea what the fuck she asked anymore since I've tried really hard to forget about it, but I responded with a groan. It was like such a normal question, too, and I emit a fucking caveman "ugh" as a response.
Every day I saw her in high school, I would cringe so hard. Like, who the fuck responds with "ugh" like that. But anyways, I took a class with her Senior year and we actually got pretty tight and I asked her if she remembered anything from that day and she was like "what? No way! Did you actually do that? I don't remember it at all!" and I was so relieved.
Gibsonfan159 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stayed over at a friends house once when I was a teenager and couldn't figure out how to turn their fancy shower on the next morning. Being too embarrassed to ask, I just let the water run from the bottom faucet and splashed some water around for a few minutes and skipped the shower. It was worth it to avoid asking.
SimmerDownandPukkaUp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:56:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freshman year of high school I sat down in the cafeteria for a sort of welcome freshman student meeting and happened to have sat down with my foot directly underneath the metal leg of the chair. Rather than awkwardly lifting up the chair and moving it I just didn't move. This resulted in me stupidly scooting the chair further in and ripping off my pinkie toe nail. It hurt so bad that I finally decided to tell my homeroom teacher and I got carried out of the cafeteria by the dean that was also the football coach.
Mechanical-one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to my ex wifes thanksgiving last year because her mom wanted to know if i wanted to come.
I was miserable the entire time and just desperately wanted to leave but its in another city and my only ride home was my ex wife.
PM_ME_YOUR_BEE_SYRUP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:45 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got my car stuck on the roof of a parking garage because I was too awkward to go out the entrance because I didn't want someone to think I was trying not to pay for parking.
I felt my cargo box scrape on the clearance sign and figured there was a way to turn around, but the only way I could go without hitting the roof was up. I got to the top floor and the down ramp was shorter than the up ramp. I ended up calling the number on the pay station. The person on the phone told me to drive out the entrance or deflate my tires some if I was only an inch or two short.
splundge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:58:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me, a grubby 4th year school boy
sister and her cool friends (two years above me) were sitting at the bus stop
As I walk up introduce myself, my brain says: there's two ways to introduce yourself.
1) Hi. I'm Sarah's brother
2) Hi Sarah is my Sister
Get nervous. Brain goes full ham. Unknowingly blurt out "HI IM SARAHS SISTER"
5 minutes into the conversation one of them says "so wait, you're a girl"
realise what I've said. "what. no. I'm a boy".
They all laugh
Face goes red
9 year old me walks away silently. dead inside.
oreolover43 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh God, I could write a book answering this. For one thing, I broke a pair of sunglasses by absentmindedly mangling them because my dad made me order my own ice cream.
JimboyXL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asking for a beer inside a Chipotle? I always get weird looks when I order a beer at Chipotle...
uldrenek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I started grad school one of my classmates called me by the wrong name (he had the first letter correct at least) when we were passing each other in the hall during the first week of classes and I didn't get a chance to correct him. This happened 2-3 more times in passing and it got to the point that I didn't know how to bring it up. He even introduced me to his wife by the wrong name a social gathering and I didn't have the heart to correct him. About two months into the semester I raised my hand to ask a question and the Prof pointed at me and said something along the lines of "Sorry, can you remind me of your name?" I told the prof my name and asked my question. Said classmate was sitting right next to me.
amanko13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:59:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Going on the tube and taking a train in the wrong direction because somebody I was acquainted to was in the train, so I went a few stops further than I needed to before I corrected my journey.
Also, sat in the wrong lecture for the whole time cause I didn't want to just walk out... the lecturer even asked at the end "everyone here was supposed to be in this lecture, right?" as everybody was walking out. No one bothered to look up at him or reply after he asked, and he didn't give me eye contact, but he was clearly alluding to my presence.
Edit: Oh I thought of another. I was at the front of history class and had to circle the word that I found during a word search (fuck knows why we were doing a word search in history class). Well, this was an electronic board. So I circled it and then my friend who was sitting at the front whispered an insult at me, so my brain thought it was okay to write "your mum" on the board. While the teacher was watching. And it was an electronic board so I couldn't erase it, so I just tried to cross it out. Got sent out of the class, got detention, and felt retarded.
hydroawesome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar situation when I started a new high school. The teacher asked if I should be in the class and I insisted it was on my schedule.
115_zombie_slayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im not sure if this counts but my junior year of highschool i didnt want to take any speech classes that i ended up joining a radio station instead. While i didnt want to talk to a group of like 20 people i broadcasted my voice around my town and then some
Churromang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was this girl I was seeing and one day I was over at her house when her ex-showed up. I didn't realized it was her ex at first since she just went to get the door and left me in her room, but, after a while I felt like she'd been gone for a long time so I went to go see what was up. I walked around the corner and saw them making out, but, rather than confront them or even just leave like a normal person, I ended up going back into the room. I sat there doing whatever on my phone for like, maybe an hour or two before finally deciding to leave out the back way.
DefinitelyRussian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing, just act as you wish, no one is stopping you
ZaMiLoD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rented a top floor room in a random family's house whilst studying. The bathroom was on the ground floor. One day the mother and teen daughter had a fight right on the stairs leading down. They were really having a proper go at each other and was at it for way over an hour. I desperately needed a piss but just could not bring myself to squeeze past the shouting women. So I pissed in a fruit bowl, wiped with a t-shirt and didn't sneak out of my room until they were asleep.
DrunkBigFoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I vacuumed our entire business on my first day with the vaccuum standing upright. I couldn't figure out how to get it to go down and I didn't want to ask
Cock-a-la-mode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I liked this chick so much in junior high. I would talk to her and she'd be really nice to me even if I wasn't super close. One day she goes in for a hug and I like the mad man I am intercept one of her hands and give her a firm handshake. I know she just have been swooning from that. Needless to say after 15 seconds I felt the utter regret as she was way taller than me so I'd be the perfect height.
JaxDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:02:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My junior year I went to prom with a sophomore girl who I had a huge crush on. We went with a group of my friends she didn't know. We got to the prom at 8 and stayed till midnight. As soon as we got there she ditched me to go hang out with her friends, and I sat there awkwardly by myself in the corner the entire time wanting to die. It got worse as friends would come up to me and ask if everything was ok during the night. I don't know why I didn't just get up and have fun, I was such an awkward tool who was bummed that his crush left him. I got to slow dance with her once at the end of the night. Afterwards she asked to be dropped off at Carl's Jr where her friends picked her up, and I drove home. I wasted hundreds of dollars of my parents money for the most awkward night of my life.
2 years later I was graduated, and I took the same girl to her senior prom. I managed to dance a lot that prom, but the after party she ditched me again and I sat in the house's dining room and got obliterated drunk off keg beer and drove home. I was so desperate to get laid by her, and I never even got a hug.
PoisnBGood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So this one time I saw my friend when I was in the College library. I am on the floor above which overlooks the computer area. I start waving like crazy to get his attention because I can't yell down because it's a library. He looks up and stares at me and to my absolute horror, it wasn't him... I ducked down behind the half way, super embarrassed.
Then a few days later. I see my friend again, this time walking up a hill to class in front of me, but because of the mistake I made earlier I didn't dare to get his attention, afraid that it might be the same guy I had waved to like a maniac before. This went on for about 10 minutes until he dropped some papers. I instinctively went to go pick them up and he turned around. I hand him the papers and look him dead in the eye, and just pretended I didn't know him. He's super confused and just keeps walking. I trail behind him for another 10 minutes.
Later that day, we were in the same social group and he asks me if I picked up his papers for him earlier that day. I had to tell him the whole story about why I was such a failure at being a normal human being. He couldn't stop laughing at me for a week.
Browntown_07 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time back in high school I was walking home from school when some tough looking kids were walking towards/by me. I was starring at one kid and he said to me "HEY WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" and without thinking I blurted out "your pants".
I was not looking at his pants. Nothing was special about his pants. I have no idea why I said it.
Good news is they were so confused by my response that they I walked by without issue...
SumAHole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger me and my buddy used to smoke pot together. He was good at hiding it, i wasnโt. He can turn it off like a switch and talk and act sober. As for me I would be there with a duhhh face. We were ALWAYS stoned all the time! Well his mom would come in and out the room and bring us sandwiches and stuff. she was always so nice. But I noticed that she spoke to me like I was a toddler. So I ask my friend about it and he replied (bro when you smoke u look so spaced out and the shit you say is so stupid and my mom kept askin me whatโs wrong with you so I literally had to tell my mom your retarded.) Soooo I just went with it. For many years I had to play retarded when I was sober.
DicklessDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:03:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The buses where I live have numbers that are hard to see and poor scheduling. So I often end up waving down the wrong bus. I always just end up just getting on that bus then getting off after 1-2 stops so I can catch my correct bus.
im_a_hex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I joined a band for three weeks and decided it wasnโt really for me, I was too awkward to tell them I wanted to leave so I blocked all their numbers and blocked them on all social media
AlohoMoria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder where is "I-don't-know-potatoes" guy.
cr0ybot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just dropped my wife off for a haircut and walked into a coffee shop nearby. As I ordered my coffee I realized they were closing in a half hour, so I took the coffee to-go. I have been standing outside against a wall browsing Reddit and sipping at an empty cup for at least 15 minutes now because there is nowhere to sit and I assume that leaning against a wall sipping coffee is less creepy than just leaning against a wall...
clive_bigsby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever Iโm about to leave a store and I see someone posted up near the door selling or soliciting something Iโll pretend to take a phone call and talk on the phone until Iโm past them just because I donโt want to say โno thanks, Iโm not interested.โ
Trex252 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:24:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same
khandragonim2b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waited outside in a blizzard for 2 hours waiting my ride showed up and didn't wanna go back inside because I had just bombed a job interview.
Sauceman87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last night, my keyboard stopped working at home. I have a spare that I don't really like in my closet 10 feet away. Instead, I emailed myself the word "keyboard" from my phone, so I could use my mouse to copy and paste it into Amazon and buy a new one real quick. I'm pretty content not using my keyboard at home for a day or two while I wait.
C0wabungaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before I knew I was slightly autistic I had a long period where for some reason I didn't dare to name the titles of things.
So there were a few years, when I was a teenager and just really getting into movies, where whenever I wanted to watch a movie on the TV I'd oddly communicate to my parents through vague descriptions, gestures and noises what I wanted to see because for some reason it was too awkward to actually name what I wanted to see. That's still of the biggest mysteries of my childhood to me.
KampW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was packing up my dorm room the morning of graduation day. I fell off the step stool and broke my foot. So I IMed my Resident Advisor asking if she could bring me some ice. I then waited 3 hours for my family to get into town instead of asking for help.
mothfukle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a kid I was super embarrassed to walk past the window on the porch of my friends house when I was going over there. For some reason I didn't want them to see me coming.
I would belly crawl under the window, then get up and knock on the door.
altimax98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We were camping and it was my first time going to the bathroom in a travel trailers bathroom. If you have ever gone in a travel trailer you will know that to save water, these aren't your normal toilet.
Cue the most massive smelliest log I have ever laid due to some massive camping food stomach troubles, like it was still touching me when it hit the plunger and started to roll up like a snake.
When I was done with my deed I turn to flush, however there is just about zero water to help wash it down. Queue me trying to force it down with toilet paper which just made matters worse.
In my preteen wisdom I decided to cut my losses and leave. I went out and closed the door since it was a cramped trailer but now all my friends that were outside were now inside playing a game on the floor, along with my crush at the time. Unable to vacate the trailer I had to sit and play with them until the unbearable smell crept out and disgusted everyone.
Everyone knew it was me and I was like 10 at the time. Needless to say I never went camping with that family again. To this day I shutter when I think about taking a dump in a camper.
DianiTheOtter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school. I would always walk past this kids house. One day they asked if I wanted to play, I ran away. They chased me trying to get me to come back
Wildvet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ordering food at a restaurant. Saying the wrong order and rolling with it because I'm too awkward to correct myself.
hombrejose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:44 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stand behind someone in a urinal because I didnt want to pee in the free urinal between them
Trex252 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was proper etiquette, damn TIL
oorighty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I made a friend at school and she lived about a 30 minute walk away (this was before parents drove you everywhere you wanted to go).
Anyways afraid I would get lost my mother suggested we meet halfway, outside the movie theater.
The girl turned up with her brothers and her big brother was annoyed that I didn't bring money. I didn't tell him I had intended to visit their home for a play date and let him pay for my ticket.
Monday at school her brother came over and loudly made fun of me for inviting his sister to the movies and expecting others to pay for me.
linzfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just the day before yesterday, I was without my car and staying at an airbnb. I needed to go to the grocery store. My 8 year old and i started walking. The airbnb owner coincidentally called me to offer a ride to the store since she knew I didn't have a car. Rather than gratefully accept her offer, I said "no, we'll be ok, it's only a 10 min walk." She told me to call her if I bought a lot of things and changed my mind. I already knew I was buying laundry detergent and a bag of ice plus whatever else.
My little kid and I did the walk home, carrying the groceries in the Orlando heat. Even the kid kept saying "Mom, why didn't we just get a ride from that lady?" I have issues.
schudermcgavin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I forget something while I'm walking I cannot turn around in public. I'll like walk into a store I don't know and buy something I don't need so that my actions seem deliberate.
glove-lover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10-11 years old we lived in a house with a horse trail behind our yard, and a bike path just beyond. A thin strip of woods separated our yard and the trails, but there were paths through the trees. My brother and I would play in those woods and on those trails.
One day a man on a horse rides by on the trail as my brother and I emerge from the woods and he says,"howdy". For some reason my head immediately thought of cowboys and Indians because of the horse and his cowboy like "howdy". So naturally I wave my hand in a big motion and say "HOW" and nothing else.
I have another where I made a guy fall over on a motorcycle once.
pepesylvia69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents scheduled an appointment for a pest control guy to spray our house without notifying me. He showed up in the driveway and to avoid confrontation of any kind, I snuck out the back door, hopped the fence into the neighbors yard, and just walked away from my house until he was gone
Redpeanut4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 7 years old and was playing hide and seek, while hiding under a bed sheet with a girl I had a crush on I kissed her but tried to play it off like I thought she was my sister rather than just telling her I liked her.
twoton12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:08:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of just asking a girl out I wrote a cringeโ song.
spotlight675 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First night my newly minted GF stayed over. Went out and had Mexican food for dinner. I held in every single fart, the entire night. Extremely high pressure ones. Ended up with a hemorrhoid the next morning. Had no idea that was even possible, but it is.
dbyrne7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:09:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We were taking a test freshman year in HS. I was a very shy kid back then so I wouldnโt do something big to disrupt the class. So instead of coughing like a normal person to clear my throat, it felt like something got stuck in my throat and i just started choking. FYI choking is loader and draws more attention to you than a cough.
thudly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 10 or so, I had a crush on this girl from school. I was too shy to say anything to her. Then one night there was this category five Canadian blizzard in our town. I went out and trudged through it in nearly waist-deep snow, just to go stand in front of her house. I didn't knock on the door or peek in any windows or anything. I just stood in front of her house for a while, across the street no less. It just felt nice to be relatively near her, and I knew because there was a blizzard, nobody would notice me standing out there.
Stuff like that was considered weirdly romantic back in the day. I should have held up a boom box or something.
cotsy93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once allowed a rescue helicopter to be called on the side of a mountain because I was too embarrassed to admit I wasn't injured and just afraid to go down the slope by myself after I fell behind my group. It was more than 10 years ago and I still hear about it. Often.
scylk2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:15:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deserved. It could have cost someone else life, just for the sake of your pride
3rdiJedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do the zoolander 360 to turn left
scarsouvenir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first started driving, I ordered at a drive thru and was really nervous.
So, I said, "Can I have a medium drink... and can I have a Diet Coke... as that?" lmao. I also used to drop my credit card when handing it through the drive thru window at least 50% of the time for the first few months of driving.
iSmellUnforgivable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I had my first retail job at 16, my manager asked me to go to the post office and mail a package. He gave me $10. I had never mailed a package before and was too anxious to just ask either my boss or the post office clerk the procedure, so I went to the stamp machine and got $10 worth of stamps. I covered the box with stamps and jammed the package in a mailbox outside the post office. I was eventually found out and it was embarrassing. Boss laughed it off and was cool about it though.
ChilledIceTree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My time to shine! Back in middle school, I had glasses I only had to wear for class. On this day we were all filing out if class after the teacher for choir practice. On my way out, I realise, shit, I'm still wearing my glasses. And without saying anything, I walk back to my desk to put away my glasses. And as I turn around, my teacher closes the door behind her, trapping me. I was too awkward to shout out that I was still in the class, so I spent the next hour sitting at my desk in silence.
MossbawnMagi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had pretty bad eyesight in highschool, never went to get glasses or contacts. This wasn't really an issue in everyday life but in low light situations it was super bad.
There were these county wide dances that used to get put on every week, so people from all different highschools would be there. I would think i recognized someone i knew and reach out and tap there shoulder or something of the sort, only to realize they were strangers shortly after committing the act. So i'd slink away all creepily back into the crowd haha
Secret4gentMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started a new job and kept the security door ajar while going for a cigarette, knowing that it would lock behind me if I closed it.
Level-wide alarm went off. It was my first day.
FenixSword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I see Girl Scouts selling cookies in front of any store I get a little panic attack, because I really don't want to be approached and say no to them. So when I am leaving and it is about time to be approached by the little girls, I wait inside the store at the exit for another shopper who's leaving. Then, as they walk out, I fall in beside them on the side the girl scouts are not on so they would be approached by them and not me.
I don't know why I do this, especially since I am usually fairly outgoing.
CobraStrike4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many times while walking out of work down this super long hallway, I have diverted to some elevators instead, take them down to the basement, and use a convoluted path underground just to get to the parking garage and go back up a floor. Why? Because I see someone in the hall walking slow as fuck, and I don't want to end up walking directly on their ass or pass them awkwardly, because apparently my normal walking speed is on par with an olympic sprinter.
Sometimes I do stay in the hallway, but the pain of forcing myself to walk at a toddlers pace right behind them is just too much to bear.
bbtvvz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My optometrist introduced herself to me as "the name is Bradley", and since she was kind of androgynous looking I assumed she was trans or maybe just an effeminate cis guy and that was her/his first name. Nice to be on a first name basis when doing business, right? So I gave her my first name and carried on. Only when time came to fill out the order did I realize that she thought we were on a last name basis. I don't know what's more awkward, my name being so weird that it must be a last name, or my assumption of familiarity, or my assumption that she was a guy, or the look we exchanged when she realized I had been misgendering her for the past hour. She took it in stride, but I still cringe looking back at it and I wonder if that was a blow to her self-esteem.
Duke_Cockhold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Date my girlfriend for literally almost 3 years now
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a thing for a girl in another city where she was a university student. I'd offer to help with her homework or go cook her and her room mates dinner sometimes. One day I went down to help her prepare for a oresentatiin, and a few minutes after I got there I had to take a huge leak. But with her and her room mates rooms were right against the bathroom and the walls were very thin, and I really didn't want her to hear me pee. Because ykniw, stupid.
So I said I had to get something from my car and went out there, found an empty water bottle and filled the bottle while I sat in my car, then went back inside
Sigh.
smuffleupagus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to like this guy in high school, and he was friends with my best friend and his locker was next to hers. I would stand there and talk to her, while he was standing there and talking to her, but 90% of the time I wouldn't talk directly to him and he wouldn't talk directly to me. It was like she was having separate conversations with each of us about the same topic.
He was probably gay. "Probably gay" was my type back then.
Legit_shane7185 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically I was not exactly planning on talking to this girl I like and all the sudden my younger sister calls her over and my fucking heart just stops. I'm trying to think of shit to say and by the time she's standing right in front of me and initiates the conversation, I'm looking straight at the ground and I say "uh... yeah". There was like 15 seconds of complete silence afterwards that felt like an eternity. I walked away and wanted to just stop existing.
Vanck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sell swimming pools. Customer bought a pool and it turned green almost immediately upon filling it. I drove to his house to add some chemicals to clean it up. Locked my keys and my phone in my truck. Instead of asking the customer if I could use his phone I broke my window, unlocked the truck, and left.
Damaxan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg yes finally an opportunity to tell this story!
When I was 11 I went to overnight summer camp for the very first time. I was really excited but super anxious to meet everyone and was nervous about making friends. Well, during the "meet and greet" we had to gather in the dining hall to eat lunch with our assigned cabin. I helped myself to a salad with a heavy dose of what I THOUGHT was honey mustard dressing, but when I sat at my cabin's table they all immediately started commenting on how gross and weird it was that I liked mustard on my salad....as in, French's yellow mustard. Looking back I am not sure what I was thinking, it was in one of those yellow squeeze bottles that are pretty much exclusively used for yellow mustard.
Anyway, I was mortified and did not want to admit to all of my future cabin-mates that I accidently put yellow mustard on my salad thinking it was honey mustard dressing, so I just told them that yes, I happened to love yellow mustard on my salad.
The worst part was that I detest yellow mustard with a burning passion. Just the thought of it makes me feel nauseated, even to this day. Still, I forced myself to eat the whole salad to keep up appearances.
Maybe not dumb, per se, but definitely awkward.
AThousandMinusSeven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once while still living with my parents, I woke up at 3 pm and realised the noises I heard in the bathroom were from a plumber who had probably been there for hours. Being an awkward introvert, I decided to wait for him to leave rather than getting out of my room, in fear of both having to interact with another human being and them realising I had been there all along, sleeping. Up until the point where I really, really needed to pee, so I dressed, got out from the window - we lived on the first floor - and came in from the front door as if I just came back from school.
Mission success, though my father was really confused.
Good times.
leveraged_my_house ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I rent out a room in my house and im renovating my bathroom. One day I was really high and had to poop but I normally use my works bathroom because I dont like to intrude or ask if I can use theirs so I pooped in this tube thing I had in my room that a piece of mail had come in.
I was going to just throw it out in a random neighbors trashcan but then i realized it had my address on it and i was scared someone would find it so i drove all around town looking for some place to throw the poop filled tube that I had in my car.
That was fucking stressful
Graie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once attempted to steal a chandelier after being asked to leave a party, and I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
No but really, I was so close to getting it ... Like turn the thing sideways and pull close ... A bit too drunk for that clarity tho.
Also not my finest moment, a story I hear more often than I'd like ... And I rarely admit to it being me, no matter how funny they think it is ...
Jovokna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once ordered a full pizza for myself at a restaurant. We were eating with friends and their friends. I did not know the other friends. We sat in a booth. I was on the inside. There was no room on the table for my full pizza. I had to ask the people I do not know to pass me every slice of pizza.
TheCajanator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:15:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at my friends house and my lift home was nearly there. The front and back doors were also locked so I climbed out of the window instead of waking them up.
The worst part was I met his mother at the shop waiting to be picked up and had to explain that I climbed out of the window...
Brad_Chanderson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's 2004, I'm 15, and it's time for my first job. My dad, who we'll call Shawn, was friends with the GM of our local Toyota dealer. He got me, Roderick, a gig for the summer as the lot-boy. I spent that summer driving a 5-speed Toyota T100, towing a trailer with a pressure washer and water tank, spraying down cars on the lot. On a rainy day, I'd help the detailers out however I could.
Great job, I actually went back to that same dealer as a mechanic years later. Left when the money wasn't worth the stress. No hard feelings.
Back to 2004. It's my first ever day of work. I show up 15 minutes early Monday morning, and report to the used car manager, my "big boss." He shakes my hand and says, "Happy to meet you, Shawn! Let's go talk to Pete, he's gonna be your supervisor."
Wait. What? I'm Roderick, not Shawn.... Whatever this is scary as fuck, I'll just say nothing. Obviously just a miscommunication from GM to UCM about the name of the new minimum wage summer hire. No big deal. Not to my dumb ass.
He introduces me to all of my coworkers as Shawn, I ride that out for a day or two, quick on my feet, halfway impressed that I'm pulling this off! I start to tell everyone my nickname is Roderick, they should call me that.
2 weeks go by, and my first paycheck gets cut. To Roderick. UCM hands it to me and says, "I thought your name was Shawn?"
Fuck. I uttered something like, "Shawn's my dad, I'm Roderick. Sorry for the confusion." and scuttled away awkwardly.
Same man sold me a car 10 years later, and we all laughed our asses off over the whole thing.
imanutterbutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I went to go buy some stuff and the cashier was really cute. Finished paying for my things and she asked if I needed help with anything else. I said, โyou tooโ and kept walking. I want to kill myself.
APsWhoopinRoom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I locked myself out of my dorm room. I had already gone to the front desk earlier that day for the same issue, so I was too embarrassed to go down there again. My solution? Camp out on the shitter and play games on my phone until my roommate got back 2 hours later.
salty_taro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, my mum worked at an art gallery in town. She asked me to meet her there when I finished school one day, so I walked down town looking for the art gallery (I was pretty sure I knew where it was). I had no idea there were two art galleries in town, so when I didnโt see my mum when I walked through the doors, I figured she was out back or something so I just casually looked around for a few minutes.
One of the staff eventually approached me and, being too embarrassed to say I was looking for my mum, I told her I was interested in calligraphy (I didnโt have the slightest clue what brought that on). The nice old lady spent 20 minutes showing me all the different pens and papers and asked me if I would like to test them out and all that. Eventually I decided I was at the wrong place and politely said โIโll think about itโ and walked out.
TSKDeCiBel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was too embarrassed to actually dance with or approach my prom date (her friend asked her for me if she wanted to go), so I literally stayed in the bathroom my entire prom waiting to work up the courage to actually go interact with her.
Finally worked up the courage during the last 1/2 of the last song of the night.
It was awkward. I think I barely said 2 words to her the entire night.
iiitsbacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a local chain restaurant in my area. The one in my town doesn't have a drive through but the one 45 min away does....so I always make the long drive when I want it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 17, a girl asked me for a ride home and invited me over her house to eat after school. She was my friend, and rumors were that her and her friends found me attractive, so I was certain she wanted to hookup.
Problem was that I was a virgin and had only kissed one girl if I recall correctly. So, she goes into her pantry and asks me what I want. I say "I don't care". She stuck her hands in her sweatpants and started playing with the little string thingy that tightens them up, and started toying around with her elastic band awkwardly, so I thought she was horny.
I was too awkward to lean in for a kiss, and after years of watching porn, I thought "why the hell not", and while she was looking in the opposite direction, I pulled down my pants.
She turned around to look at me, and she saw that I had my pants down, and her eyes opened wide, like she was surprised/nervous/anxious at the same time. I looked at her and said "sooooo" while darting my eyes left and right, and then I'm pretty sure I blacked out from embarrassment while she escorted me to my car.
Lol.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QpdpUz7Oi0
Hi..... fuck.... whatever taste my golden shotgun
stephburn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:17:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 12 and spent the night at a friend's house. Had a crush on his cousin who lived with him. Went to the restroom, realized he had no TP, rushed to her bathroom, and could not undo my belt.
By the time I did, my shit bombs littered her rug.
Instead of telling her what happened, I threw the rug in the washing machine (poop and all) on heavy duty thinking the God of this virtual universe would cleanse the rug recognizing the desperate pun as a prayer to resolve a shitty situation.
It did not.
But I was home by the time they found out saving me the shame of seeing her disgusted face. Out of sight, out of mind!
Crowzur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleeping naked, didn't want to get dressed and go out past the people in the next room. Decided to pee out my window. I'm on the ground floor.
mancura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once asked a girl if she had a phone instead of asking for her phone number.
smash__lampjaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have crippling social anxiety (seriously, my psychologist has admitted it's one of the most intense cases he's dealt with) so I'm full of these. The first one that comes to mind is that I'm too anxious about going into the laundry room of my building because I don't want to run into people, so on laundry day I set my alarm for 2am, get up, start laundry, go back to sleep for an hour, throw it into the dryer, and it's all done before anyone gets up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Laur3Markkan3n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 15, I was watching tv with my older sister and someone rang the doorbell. I looked outside from the couch and saw an older couple holding flyers. I get up to get the door and make eye contact with the lady, but my sister (who didn't know they saw me) told me to hide because she thought they were jehovahs witnesses. So I sit back down, awkwardly staring at this lady. She stares back at me and eventually sets the flier on our doorstep. They leave and I go look at the flier. It's for a fucking neighborhood block party meant to meet everyone because they were new to the neighborhood. I just about died.
YIFF_MY_FOX_ASS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doing cycling proficiency in primary school, really needed to pee and didn't want to ask where I could go. Stood at the back of the group and casually pissed myself.
RizzleP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:06 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once wiped my arse with wall paper because I was too afraid to shout for someone to bring me some paper.
Then there's pissing in a bottle and it over flowing because I didn't want to walk across the living room when one of my flatmate had guests.
Dogs_in_Sweaters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I leave work at the exact same time everyday. That way, when I pick up my child from after school care, I don't see one single parent that I know, thus avoiding chit chat and the occasional, "We should have a play date, come over for coffee, etc. " If I see one of the friendlies in the parking lot, I do a few laps around the neighborhood until they leave. PTA="Parents To Avoid"
TheVerjan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've shoplifted food a few times in the past when I was broke and hungry. I would always keep a couple bucks to buy at least one thing, or had the "oops I left my wallet in the car and forgot to put this back" excuse in my pocket, but I would mostly always end up grabbing a bunch of random items, putting the one or two things I actually wanted in my tiny purse, and then going out of my way to let a cashier know that "these are my items, I have to grab money but I'll be right back" and then walking out. Instead of just taking the beans or lunchable and shoplifting them like a normal piece of shit.
sammalexx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was getting my first ear piercings, the girl was drawing dots to represent the placement of the piercings. She had me check in the mirror and I noticed they were uneven. I felt so awkward and instead of telling her, I told her they looked fine. I didn't want her to have to redraw them, God that was stupid.
Wenteltrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just yestarday i took the longest route to my seat, so i disturbed, bumped aside and just annoyed a fuckton of people at the cafetaria JUST to avoid having social contact with my cousin (there's not even bad blood between us!).
LolTacoBell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I take weird driving routes , this has resulted in me talking multiple, maybe over even a dozen turns deeper into a route that 1 high risk turn area would accomplish, just to avoid a high-risk turn area. People thing I drive weird, but I'm not fucking dead so I'm happy.
fairak17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a one night stand, left my keys in the bedroom after walking out. Rather then call and walker her up I decided to jump from the stairs/landing to the apartments patio and walk in through there. Apartment was on second floor, it was 8am, sorry neighbors.
wolfalong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on vacation staying at a motel. There was a girl staying there that i thought looked absolutely gorgeous. We exchanged greetings in passing by in the evening. Then, the next morning when i couldn't sleep at five a.m. the next morning i went for a walk. I saw her standing by herself, admiring the beautiful sunrise over the lake, not another soul in sight. You couldn't get a more romantic setting if you tried. And then dumbass me thought "let's not room the moment for her, let's leave her alone." It's been 2 years, 1 month and 14 days, and I still beat myself up over it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretended to answer the phone and walked away from a party.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went down the escalator to the wrong platform for the subway and instead of walking to the up escalator, I decided to run up the down escalator. I kept falling and hurting myself but ran all the way up them and people were watching. I ended up walking to the next subway station so I wouldn't have to face the witnesses and my shins were bruised and bloody.
slipperydevil666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was in band in high school. Had a huge crush on this girl. I decided to get her attention I would fall with the crash cymbals in my hand in front of everyone. I told people after I did it on purpose but they didn't believe me.
killertapir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A girl from where I work has a second job at a supermarket that I use quite frequently.
She's usually on the self checkout machines. I would prefer to use them but I don't want to risk having to acknoledge her. And oh god, what if there's a mistake and I have to call for assistance? And she judges me for what I'm buying? I guess I'd have to find a new job. Or move out of the city. Fuck it, I'll emigrate.
I've tried using the normal check outs staffed by people, but I still have to walk thrrough her area to leave the store. I can't avoid looking at her every single time.
So now I think I'm avoiding an entire shop during certain times when I think she's working there. I'm a shit person.
nerdworf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate wheat spaghetti with no sauce at a girlfriends house in highschool because i was to awkward to go get sauce. And when they asked if I wanted sauce i was to awkward to say yes. So, just told them thats how i liked it.
briggsemily15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My moms friend was tutoring me and she called me by my sisters name for months. I felt too awkward to correct her. The only reason she ever found out I was the โother daughterโ is because she saw my name on one of the papers we were going over.
Peter2025 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NOTHING.
Kawaii_Hawaii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:16 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a dentists appointment they told my mom it would take about half an hour so she dropped me off to go shopping or something. After the appointment I saw that 25 minutes had passed so I went outside to wait for her. I didn't have a phone at the time. After like 10 minutes I felt it would be super weird to just go back into the dentists lobby. I sat in the hot Las Vegas summer desert for like 3 hours with no water just standing next to a corner of the building. Let me iterate that the lobby had a water cooler and air conditioning. After her shift, the receptionist left the building humming and skipping and I scared the shit out of her by just being there looking creepy seemingly like I had waited for her shift to be over or something :/
Shaibelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I liked this guy in my friend group. One night we were at a McDonalds and we're both getting our soda and he glanced at my shoes and said, "Those are some nice boots."
I, a dumbfounded idiot, answered back, "Well...that's a nice face you have. It would be a shame if something happened to it."
He stared at me for a minute. Shook his head. And then he left me standing there with my awkward self to eat my fries.
bulmeurt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This'll be buried but here goes: Was 16, at a party with a bunch of 'cool' people, almost od'ed snorting amphetamine (first time, all did it). Felt really bad and eventually puked white foam down the inside of my sweater because it was too embarrassing to tell that I felt sick. Went pale/blue, someone noticed and called me out on it, everybody laughed of the fun smurf. Sat in the same position for hours trying not to die and finally got a little better as the drugs wore off. Party ended and I could finally get outta there, almost unnoticed...
Being an adult now and a Mom to teens, this scares the shit out of me.
Edit: TL;DR: Could have died because I was too embarrased to tell anyone how sick the drugs made me.
zeidler1980 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm totally childless, never want or wanted children.
Iโd gone into the supermarket to do some shopping for my dad, heโd added to the list, 800g of ham (he really liked ham) when I was going through the checkout, an overly chatty check out guy was scanning the ham and commenting on the large amount Iโd purchased, saying โyou must have a big family; how many children do you have?โ (Which is a very weird question) I just blurted out that Iโd got three...children. I think Iโd got three boys and I was always rushed off my feet with the little blighters - this was the silliest conversation Iโd had with someone, I donโt know why I didnโt just say โno, my dad loves ham, Iโm actually baron.โ People donโt like hearing shit like that though.
xo_tx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was visiting a friendโs house for a weekend. While I was there, I got my period. Instead of telling my friend so I could go to the grocery store to get pads (what I used at the time), I just kept taking tampons from under the bathroom sink. I had never used tampons before that weekend.
bitchnwasabi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:15 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have, on 3 separate occasions, paid out of pocket for toner/ink for the store I manage because I couldn't tell the representative no. I have 3 years worth of toner stockpiled in my office.
Megundi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a very shy my whole life. In grade 11 drama class, I finished our little improv exercise (couldn't wait to finish) and instead of walking off to the side, I awkwardly hopped up to sit on a stack of about 20 thin blue gym mats and they all slid out one by one reducing the height of the pile until I was seated on the ground. It's still talked about 18 years later. Still embarassed.
Snoopyluvgrl101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:39 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um, everything?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasnโt me, but in my class last week a kid opened his soda and it exploded all over him. Instead of going to get paper towels or something he set his sweatshirt over his lap to try and cover up his soaked pants.
THE1NONLY1-1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: A LOT of people are so socially anxious that it impedes on their life.
If you honestly cannot deal with others, to the point of it affecting you so much you do things differently than normal, then this is the point where you reach out for help.
GiraffePolka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm too socially anxious to reach out for help :(
THE1NONLY1-1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are online communities for like-minded individuals, or anonymous chat lines you can call or text.
mudgts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a girlfriends house way out in the country. It was an old farmhouse and had creaky floorboards. I was sleeping in the guest room and her parents were super religious. I really had to take a piss late at night and didnโt want them to think that I was going to the GFs room for a quickie. So I opened up the window and pissed out into the roof below.
skidknee1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I walked an extra half mile home, because I didn't want to get on an (admittedly small) bus with someone from work that I'd already said goodbye to three times ... That was just today.
littlebecci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know who I was supposed to pass the joint to so I just held onto it until the third guy left the room
littlebecci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not the actual dumbest, but the first that comes to mind
-theuser- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my first times working in court. I was too awkward to walk out of the court in front of the judge mid-trial so I took the closest exit. Which led to the cells.
So then I fuckin' booked it out of a series of emergency exits and off into the night. Thankfully I never had to work that particular court again.
CRUSHING-ANXIETY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party and on mobile but I'll chime in.
I went to get gas in my car. Pull up to the wrong side of the pump and didn't notice until I was about to key in my credit card. I then immediately sat in the driver seat and browsed Reddit on my phone for five minutes.
Then I drove to a gas station 3 miles away that I've never been to, to get gas.
xieder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few times I got off a crowded train at the wrong stop because I had my earpiece plugged in and couldn't hear the announcement. I pretended it was the right stop and went on the train again after walking a few doors down
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this might be somewhat common but I absolutely will not poop with anyone else in the bathroom. I go way too long without pooping.
casperthefriendlycat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While visiting Amsterdam for the first time I was outside of the main train station walking while staring at the canals. My friend who was walking behind me yelled my name and I turned to her only to see that she was pointing in front of me. I turned and found I was about one foot from a blind man who was moving toward me. Rather than step aside like a normal person, I froze and screamed bloody murder. The blind man now becoming aware of a person directly in front of him also screamed. He then yelled back โHavenโt you ever seen a blind man before!?!โ I feel bad about this at least once a day.
blood_sweat_and_ears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:01 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, I actually just made an account for this but... eh.
So I was in elementary school, and in this certain school, when it was your birthday, you would come up to the office and ask one of the secretaries for a birthday pencil. I know, stupid, but I was so hyped. I walked into that place with my head held up high, wearing a cute pink dress, and I continued towards the lady who worked in the office. I said, "Can I get a birthday pencil?" She replied. "Of course. and Happy birthday, dear." And me being the stupid child I was (and may still be), I said, "You too." You too. YOU TOO. YOOOOU TOOOO!! I knew damn well that I effed up, and awkwardly waited for her to give me the pencil. I walked away, and accidentally pulled a push door. Jokes on everyone though, 'cause I got a Barbie dream house later on that day...
Every time I think about this, it stings.
hinakura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm scared of answering the phone and I try to avoid it as much as I can. There was this time I was the only one at my office and the phone was sounding over and over. Maybe it was one of the suppliers we work with, they call us all the time.
But I'm too scared of not listening correctly (I have this problem) and fucking up since I'm prone to stammering. So I went to hide to the bathroom and a co-worker who was there went to answer the phone and I stared at them for a long time. Oh god it was too awkward for me. I hit myself with the door and hid in the bathroom for a long time with my earphones on.
Cereborn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got pulled into a Maid Cafรฉ in Akihabara. And it wasn't one of those cute Maid Cafรฉs that you might remember from watching Steins;Gate. No, it was depressing as shit.
One of the girls pamphleted me on the sidewalk and I feigned interest. But she latched on and wanted to take me there immediately. She seemed so desperate and I wasn't sure how to say no, so I allowed her to lead me three blocks, down a back alley, into a sketchy building and 7 floors up in the most terrifying elevator I have ever seen (every surface of the interior was covered in pink carpet).
I am brought inside, and it's this dingy place with a few rough looking maids and exactly one other customer. I sit down at a table and end up ordering this stupidly expensive "dessert" that was a cheap pancake with a scoop of ice cream and a bunny crudely designed on it with chocolate syrup.
Then she asked me who I wanted my picture taken with, and showed me three headshots that looked nothing like any of the girls actually working in there. I still felt too awkward to leave, so I pointed to one. But then when that girl came over and wanted to bring me onto the stage to take a picture, I realized I could go no further.
I ended up leaving 3,000 yen and just GTFO'd. I walked down a rickety fire escape staircase so I wouldn't have to go in the elevator again.
BlarghCharged ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in a flat with strangers and everything was shared frim the toilet to the kitchen. Since it makes me uncomfortable to bump into them while cooking (I hate cooking when there are other people around I'm not fond of), I used the water heater in my room to boil eggs instead of doing it properly in the kitchen.
wizkidtim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a child I hated chicken. I was staying the night at my cousin's house and my aunt served chicken for dinner.
I ended up with a piece of chicken in my mouth that I just didn't want to swallow.
Instead of spitting it out, I kept it in my mouth for the whole night and into the next day until someone asked me what was in my mouth and why I didn't spit it out. I didn't even have an answer
stumbleandgrumble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school YMCA summer camp one of the camp councilors brought us all to a local falafel/gyro stand. I was a bratty kid and really didnโt want to try the falafel cause I didnโt know what it was, but they finally got me to take a bite. It was the best thing I had ever ate! But, because I made such a stink about not wanting it, instead of admitting it was amazing, I acted grossed out and didnโt eat falafel for another probably 13 years. I told my husband this story, and now every time I donโt like a new food he accuses me of โfalafelingโ.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late here but in 6th grade I was socially awkward and I liked a girl so I decided what better way to get her to talk to me than tell her that some guy was bullying me and have her tell him off. Thankfully she actually did and we laughed about it. Sadly being socially awkward and stupid I never pursued any further and nothing came of it. I still cringe at that to this day.
IAmNeeeeewwwww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a Halloween party in college and this one absolutely gorgeous model/theatre girl from my dorm was there. She was the shy and quiet type, but pleasant to have small talk with. Some people misinterpreted her reserved personality as her being snooty and stuck-up.
She was there dressed up in a Korean high school uniform (how she got one, I had no fucking clue). And as awkward as it was to see a non-Asian girl dress up "Asian" (She was Lebanese), she looked STUNNING.
Turns out, she was some closet Asia-phile.
Anyways, she immediately walked up to me, started grinding on me, and whispered in my ear, "You would have made all my dreams come true if you came as Tuxedo Mask tonight."
It was obvious she had already had a tequila shot or two and was acting on some deeply buried thoughts, but she began kissing me, tongue and all. I just froze up because I had never had a girl be THAT forward with me in my life, but I proceeded to back away.
It only got worse when she started crying and saying "Do you think I'm ugly or something?" And her friends intervened and began blaming me for her bizarre behavior.
Not knowing how awkward I could be, I proceeded to back away faster until I go out the door. I then began power-walking until I got a block away, at which point I began sprinting until I got to a Kebab joint (si was kind of drunk and I needed some food).
From that moment, I was just too embarrassed to explain myself even when her friends shot me dirty looks every time I walked.
C2H5OH-son ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in this year in college I passed by this kid who I sort of knew and I said hi to him but he didn't notice so I stopped and said his name a few more times to avoid making it look like I just said hi to nobody and he heard and turned around and asked what. So I responded with "oh I said hi to you earlier and you didn't notice so I repeated your name so it wouldn't look like I just awkwardly said hi to nobody" he just kind of said oh and walked off...
Schwiliinker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I walk past someone I know but maybe not that well I wait to see if they greet me first to see if they will actually do it if I don't. So if someone does then I know I didn't "pressure" them to do it. But if they don't at all, I get kind of annoyed and start wondering what would have happened if I had said hi immediately. At that point I start convincing myself we both did and thought the exact same thing which led us to mutually ignore each other even though we ended up doing it because we cared to some extent about that other person's reaction to us....
Also if I run into a hot girl I vaguely know, sometimes my subconscious reaction is to nod my head in an exaggerated way which results in mostly confused looks
RogerScmoger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:29:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in the day at work, in the breakroom, someone asked if anyone was sitting in the chair next to me. I said Abraham Lincoln. Rather than saying no, go ahead...
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how there's a lot of pooping insecurities. Here's what I've learned from personal experience, if you know someone based on the smell of their poop it means you're close. Whether or not that's a good thing is up to you.
dopemafia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best thread I've ever read
Haatshepsuut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:30:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes, when I need to type into the computer a customer's name or street address for some insignificant return, and I can't hear them, I'll ask them to repeat it, but I'll only ask once. If I still can't hear them or they decide to mumble it on purpose, I write down whatever it sounded like. Bonus points: I'm foreign, English isn't my first language.
Security checks the returns every evening. I'm pretty sure they get a few good giggles out of it.
Umbrielian96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered food at a taco bell once and they just never brought out the food, so I sat at the table for an hour and never got my food. So I just got up and left, wasted like $7 but hey at least I wasn't awkward about it !
megalodon7944 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the dumbest, but it happens pretty often. Whenever I walk to school alone, if there's a car waiting when I'm about to cross, I decide not to cross and take a slightly longer route because I'm not good at crossing roads
reversechinlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got on right bus at wrong city centre stop. So instead of getting off at the next stop and walking 5 mins back into city centre to go stand at the right stop, I spent next three hours on said bus.
Despite my wives increasingly exasperated whatsapp messages telling me to get off and she would drive to pick me up, I sat there too proud to admit to strangers that I was wrong.
But at least I got half way through the Springsteen biography. Apart from the hard seats, it was nice actually to be disconnected from just about everything, apart from the ball and chain.
quadaryethos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:32:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was traveling once. I needed to go to the bathroom really badly when I got to the airport (I drank a lot of water beforehand). I didn't want to go into the airport bathroom because those things are horrible and usually filled up with people waiting. I don't appreciate waiting around in a bathroom with a bunch of strangers so I decided to wait until I was on the plane.
Turns out I dislike airplane bathrooms even less since through the entire 13 hour flight I just couldn't bring myself to get up and go to that bathroom, the thought of it overwrote my bladders impulses. Then when I got to my destination and my relatives picked me up. I didn't tell them that I was in horrible amounts of pain from not going for so long, because I was afraid they would rebuke me for making such a stupid decision.
So about an hour later when we arrived at the house i was in agony, trying to walk normally so as to not let on, and suffering from jet lag since I'd been awake that entire time.
Now I don't drink for at least 12 hours before going on flights.
nostalgiajunki3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm leaving a boba shop and was reading this thread while I waited for my order. So, while I was waiting I grabbed my straws in anticipation of my milk tea. When the girl brought me my order she put a couple of straws into the bag so I just awkwardly set the straws down on the counter, grabbed the bag and left.
robotmovies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to Chipotle for lunch and had to use the bathroom, so I quickly went before I ordered food. When I came out of the bathroom one of my coworkers was in line. I didnโt feel like talking to him so I left and drove to another Chipotle to eat.
makoto20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My anxiety really peaked in high school. Instead of eating my bag lunch in the very loud, very crowded cafeteria i would eat in the empty band room. Also in the basement or in a stall in a bathroom.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:36 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
crampedstyl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the single occupancy men's bathroom at my work, I went in there to wipe my ass. This was a pure sweaty ass cleanup job, I didn't go in there with the need to actually use the bathroom.
Anyways, while wiping, I must have struck a nerve that directly connects to my bladder, because I suddenly needed to piss. So I drop my stank tissues in the toilet but then think to myself, pissing in the pot is weird, I'll use the urinal. So I do. But once I'm done pissing I now realize I have used both toilets available and now I must flush both.
But flushing two toilets is weird for one guy in a single occupancy bathroom, and what if someone is outside and hears me flush both? So the genius that I am decides to flush both toilets simultaneously.
Now, I think it should be noted here, that when you flush a toilet at my work, there is a pipe that goes through the warehouse by the ceiling that shakes when that flush is made. I dont know why. Im not sure if its the water line supplying the toilets, or if its a stinkpipe or what. But anyhow, by flushing both toilets at the same time, I made that pipe rock. I made that pipe rock so hard that it started banging the metal rafters. It started banging the metal rafters so hard, it created this horrible clanging sound that everyone in the store could hear.
I washed my hands and exited the bathroom and the employees in the warehouse were just staring at me, staring through my soul. They knew what I did. They don't know why I did it, but they knew what I did. It was weird.
PjsandPi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a little kid, probably around 7, my friend's mom invited me to go to the lake with them. We were having a great time but I got the urge to poop. I didn't know where the bathroom was and was too embarrassed to ask, so I was swimming around and just let the poop happen. Problem is, it keeps bobbing up to the surface. I grab it and go as discreetly as I can to the shallow part and bury the turd in the sand. Looking back, they had to have noticed what I was doing and figured it was best to not say anything. Then a couple of days later, I hear all these bald eagles are dying at that lake and they can't figure out why. I got horrible anxiety for months thinking my shit killed all those eagles.
bbtvvz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had this "friend" in high school who was really clingy and awkward and generally unlikable, but I was nice to him because I was good friends with his older sister and he somehow latched on to me. He had this habit of following me to my car after class and talking endlessly, thereby preventing me from going home for like half an hour every damn day.
I tried hanging back in class, hoping he would leave, but he'd just wait in the hallway. So I changed my tactics to running to the girl's bathrooms as quickly as possible, hoping to shake him off. He caught on to my new bladder habits and started waiting in front of the bathrooms instead. This is getting ridiculous, right? So my natural response was to camp out in a stall for 15 minutes or so, waiting for him to leave.
And because that's not awkward enough, one day I snuck out while he had his back turned, went up a flight of stairs, around the building, down two flights of stairs on the other side, and out the back door. Then I ducked behind bushes all the way to my car, scared he would run into me and ask where I'd been.
Ghollywhopper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a party and didn't know anyone. So I went outside and had a very long fake argument with my very fake girlfriend and left
zephyrosity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 4th grade, I missed my stop on the schoolbus. So naturally, instead of telling the bus driver, I just sat there for their ENTIRE route (which took a very long time). The entire time my anxiety was growing and by the end of it I was the only one on the bus and in tears so I think awkwardly blubbered to the bus driver call my mom and take me back. Remembering this is causing me so much pain.
aly666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took the SATโs a year late out of procrastination and fear & ended up taking the SAT subject test instead of the general SAT test. I took it at a school that Iโve never been to before and couldnโt find the classroom. At that time I was (and still am) extremely shy and awkward. The test was starting as I was looking for the room and was sent to the nearest classroom. I didnโt know that it was the room for the subject test up until the proctor handed us the booklets. I was too shy to speak up & ended up taking the test but didnโt do so great. I ended up having to re-register for the SATโs again three months later when I was 3 months away from graduating.
LAgirlfornow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:34:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have crazy social anxiety. At my first internship, I used to work from 10 am to 6 pm. I hesitated going to the loo because I had to cross everyone in office to go. I thought me walking by would grab their attention. It was an open office with no cubicles. Instead I decided to hold it in till I got home. I did this for a month until I mustered up the courage to go one day. After I came out of the loo, one of the coworkers said โthis is the first time I have seen you use the looโ and everyoneโs attention turned towards me and they all agreed in unison.
gitrektlol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At work. Grab my cup to get some water. Someone goes to the water cooler while I'm walking to it. I throw my cup into the garbage and walk back to my area. I laughed at myself so hard for that one. this happened a week ago
gooodsquishy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my first placement as a student nurse in a busy hospital ward, super nervous to begin with. I really needed to use the bathroom but was too shy to let my nurse that I was shadowing know. So in my panic I decided to use the bathroom in one of the empty bedrooms. But to my horror I couldnโt unlock the door. There was no signal of my phone to let one of colleague know I was locked in and quietly set me free. So in my panicked state I decided to pull alarm (the red cord used if a patient slipped/fall) which sent out a very loud alarm throughout the ward and caused a stampede of healthcare professionals to come to my rescue. Let me tell you they were not impressed, not a good first impression....
randomusernamehere2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:18 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In class one day I had a hair in my mouth (partially) and made a few casual attempts to find it. I couldn't. I figured I'd made enough casual attempts before it would be weird and I didn't want to go digging around my mouth for it in public, so I sucked the rest of the hair into my mouth like a piece of spaghetti and waited an hour and a half before I could leave and get it outta there.
hermionejean1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family and I were staying in a bed and breakfast, and I had a friend who lived in the area who I was planning to meet up with. I told my family goodbye, and walked down into the lobby. My friend texted me that he was running 15 minutes late, so I sat down in a chair in the lobby to pass some time.
10 minutes later, I hear my brotherโs and Dadโs voices coming down the stairs. Instead of being normal and explaining to them that my friend was running late, I went full awkward mode and did the only logical thing: I hid in a maintenance closet in the lobby until their voices faded away.
Yeah, I donโt get it either.
manonhorse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:35:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First job I had was a temp job that lasted about two months. My boss misheard me when he asked me my name and kept calling me by the wrong name. Rather than correct him I let him call me that for the time I was there.
boilertau13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:08 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one's easy. When I was younger, the UPS man came to the door but I wanted to avoid having to talk to him so I didn't answer. I realized he might be able to see me so I tried to hide so it wouldn't be so obvious and decided to lay under the kitchen table. Our kitchen backs up to the patio and has French doors, and he decided to drop the package off around the back because nobody answered the door. We made eye contact and I've never felt dumber and more awkward than that.
Rococo_Modern_Life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asked to use the bathroom, locked the door, and wriggled out the second-story window. Slid down a tree trunk like a drunk ninja-fireman (awesome!) and fled into the night.
Girl I met at the plasma donation center invited me to an "after party" at her place. She was...not my type...and when I realized there was nobody else in the apartment, I just hit EJECT.
Snypist1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I needed to speak to my professor and I was 20 minutes late to his class. Instead of walking in and risk being called out by my professor, I stood outside my classroom until the class ended and then walked in while people were wearing backpacks and shuffling around.
FickleFishy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost give myself to Jesus.
I was in the 8th grade and just started school in a small town and a state I'd never been to before. I wasn't very good at making friends, so I somewhat awkwardly only hung out with a girl I had just about every class with. She was extremely Christian. She wasn't necessarily obnoxious about it, but she always talked about the stuff she did at church. When I asked to hang out after school, she had a church thing going on. I was raised a Unitarian Universalist, so I was pretty open to hearing other people talking about their religion and was very accepting.
Her church was putting on this play, and she was actually going to be in it. She invited a lot of her friends, including me. Since I was new in town, I thought I might as well go and see if I can meet anyone else. My step-dad dropped me off and I went in alone. It was the last night this play was supposed to be showing. She told me how none of her other friends showed up and that I was the only one. That was a little nerve wracking, but I digress. We talked and then she left. I sat and watched the entire play.
It wasn't bad. It was actually pretty good from what I remember. It was a very drawn out play with every scene in a different scenario. In each scene someone or some people died and based on what they did in the previous life they went to heaven or hell. If they went to hell, it was honestly pretty intense. I can see why some people are so dedicated to the religion now.
At the end the girl ran over to me, and this priest(?) starts talking all this stuff about Christianity and saving the soul and all that stuff. The girl is sitting next to me and listening with me. Since I was a Unitarian kid, I tried to be respectful and I closed my eyes and prayed when the guy asked. I wasn't really listening though, and I just heard "yadda yadda yadda stand up." So I stood up.
Turns out that "yadda yadda yadda" was "If you'd like to give yourself to Jesus, stand up." Apparently they were having some sort of indictment into the church right after this play. Very quickly, I realized my mistake. I went to sit back down, but too late. The girl had opened her eyes and realized I was standing. She urged me to go down to the front with the others, but I managed to refuse and stay where I was.
While I waited for my ride, she ran up to me talking about how I needed to read the Bible and she could loan me one and all this other stuff. Was saying no, but she kept digging. Eventually had to tell her I was just trying to be nice and respectful. That one really blew up in my face. I don't think we were really good friends after that anymore.
Thatdamnalex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll post this on behalf of my friend. He has a name that's common but ends with a different letter. As an example his name would be Alec instead of Alex. So I've heard him give his name at Starbucks and instead of using his actual name I.e. Alec he gives them the common name I.e. Alex. I confronted him about it and he was like "it's just easier" but that's not your fucking name Jarrett
Sr-suave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you text or call and I don't have your number I will pretend to know who it is until I can figure it out. To this day I have numerous conversations that have gone on for months with still no clue.
shesprettypeculiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not THE dumbest but last week I couldn't figure out how to use 1 gas station so I drove way further away to another gas station with 5 miles left in my tank. Part of it was also to avoid having to go inside and speak to a clerk.
Doinkmckenzie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:38:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fell off my roof trying to see the cute new girl next door as they were moving stuff out of their moving truck. She saw me, I panicked, and I feel 10 feet onto soft dirt and grass.
LarsLack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was sitting outside of school waiting for my bus, then a group of people who were all apparently friends started sitting around me, waiting to take the bus. They started talking, forming a circle surrounding me, I stood in the middle of the conversation for a good 30 minutes until one of the girls asked me who I was. By then I had already missed my bus twice but I thought it would be too awkward to ask them to move so...
Sorry for the format, Iโm on mobile. Also not a native speaker.
the_nerdy_midget ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a friend who I am wayyy too close with. One day we were driving along, talking about how boys seem to decide they need to poop and then must be on the loo ASAP where as girls can decide they need to poo and then hold it for a week whilst they decide which Loo is cleanest. As we are discussing this she pipes up with โI bet we(girls) could just poop on command!โ I thought that was rather funny and heartily agreed so she PULLS OVER at the next public toilet we come across. Now I am VERY close with this girl, sheโs one of my best friends, I can tell her ANYTHING. But my social anxiety fired up and next thing you know I sitting on a less than sanitary public toilet pooping with my best friend two stalls over.
Now this particular public toilet had three stalls, when we got there they were all empty and we chose the two on ether end. Remembering that we were, in fact, alone, we were giggling like lunatics and discussing how weird this was etc etc.
Come to a few minutes later and we are washing our hands laughing hysterically and we hear a flush.
Someone had COME IN and was sitting on the loo between us and we HADNโT NOTICED! At this point my social anxiety is like โoh helllll no.โ And I, wet hands dripping everywhere, turn on the spot to look at the poor woman, grin awkwardly, wave, and say โoh hi, sorry, just poopingโ
TL;DR Spontaneously popped with my beat friend, was too awkward to say no, told a little old lady we were pooping to explain our behaviour.
antihero19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:39:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got up to give my seat on the train to a pregnant lady, turned out she was not pregnant so I walked off the train instead.
LittleTartanBurrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me and my boyfriend live together and the first time his friend came to stay I was too awkward to pee/poop as they were playing games in the spare room which is right next to the toilet and I didn't want his friend to hear me. So instead I squatted, pissed and shit in a tupperware box, put on the lid and preceeded to dispose of it in the outside wheelie bin. He still doesn't know.
Crimson_Tango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few years ago I was in the college campus book store, I don't remember exactly who I needed to speak to over the phone or why but when the cashier made the call for me and handed me the phone I put my ear to it instead of just taking the damn phone. Now I'm on the toilet reliving that moment.
MechanoidWarhead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I jumped from the main deck of a cruise liner on to the dock.
I was nine or ten at time, and was EXTREMELY shy. What happened was there was a crowd of people on the main deck heading for the ramp to disembark, and I kept getting shoved to the "outside" of the crowd. There was this gap beside the ramp or whatever they call it that led down to the dock, and the crowd kept shoving me toward it. Eventually, I looked over the edge, figured I was going to fall anyways, and just went for it. One of the boat people--an officer I think, because he had epaulets--was already on the dock and I landed RIGHT beside him with the loudest thud you had ever heard. MAN did he chew me out until I stammered something along the lines of, "They were pushing" and pointed up at the boat. He looked up, called over some other guy to stay with me until my mom came down the ramp, and then bolted off to yell at someone else in a white uniform.
I have no idea how I didn't sprain anything, let alone break my ankles. It was a solid storey-and-a-half drop to the dock. Felt like someone took a paddle to my feet though.
mypasswordiskappa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was exploring the roof of my apartment building, which had a nice view, firepits etc. Walk past some people through a room and a door expecting it to come out next to the elevator. Turns out it went to the stairs. Click. Door locks behind me. Rather than knock to get the people in the room to open it, I just walked down 26 flights of stairs.
idreamofpizzza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At work, I have one big and one small computer monitor. One day over lunch I had the genius idea to rearrange my cube (I.e. unplug all monitor cables, move monitors, replug cables). At first everything went smoothly, but then I ran into trouble trying to fit my blue adapter cable back into my main big monitor. I struggled with the cable for around 30min before deciding I should take a break to โcalm downโ.
I have a habit of staring off into space when I get stressed. My boyfriend calls it โChristina.exe has stopped working.โ So of course, thatโs what I did in that moment. I just sat there, staring blankly ahead at the back of both of my computer monitors. (I flipped them around to replug.)
No less than 5min into my stare-down, the VP of my department walks past my cube, stops to get a double take, walks back to me and asks, โShouldnโt those be facing the other way?โ
I was so embarrassed - all I could say in response was, โI do this when Iโm stressed.โ
Lilythechihuahua ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was driving back home from the store and I was just about to turn into my driveway when a car was right up my ass waiting for me to turn. I don't usually use my blinker when turning because no one is usually behind me because it's a small street.
Instead of continuing to turn I punched it down the street and keep driving down town. Ended up back at home 10 minutes later.
astronaught1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stayed the night at my friends house and when I woke up in the morning, he was gone to work. I went to take a shit before I began the walk home, and post-poop, I realised there was no toilet paper. His 2 housemates were home and I could have shouted to them to bring me some, but they're both hot girls so I just wiped my ass with my sock and stuffed it into the bottom of the trashcan
Super_SATA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my high school, during lunch, students could sit and eat lunch in any classroom of their choosing, provided that there was a teacher present. However, during the first three or four weeks, this didn't apply, owing to how the faculty would say shit like "you guys have to earn this special privilege first!" every single year. So all students had to sit in the cafeteria. The cafeteria wasn't big enough to accommodate all students, so lunch was split into three 30 minute periods for each third of the students.
During lunch for the first few weeks of my senior year, I had practically nowhere to sit. My previous class was quite far from the cafeteria, so naturally I missed out on good seats. There were a tiny handful of seats that were open, but I didn't want to eat lunch next to random strangers.
So what did I do? I packed my things, and ate my lunch inside of the bathroom. I won't indulge you with details; for any question you may have about the exact circumstances, you may as well just assume the most awkward answer, and this will be the most accurate description of what happened. It was horrible.
This was a well-off, brand new school building as well. The only reason this had to happen was because apparently we are too retarded to sit in classrooms. (what???)
ShanGos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hairdresser said โwonโt be longโ and I said โwonโt be longโ back to her. Have no idea why!
jugglingjellybeans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:41:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush of on a girl in the 1st grade and I was extremely shy and embarrassed about it. I thought Iโd be ridiculed if I told anyone how I felt or what I wanted to do, which was make her a valentines card with colored construction paper. I didnโt know how to get the materials myself without telling my teacher or my mom, and for some reason I was sure Iโd get in trouble for liking this girl. Anyway, I remember paying careful attention to where my teacher put the colored construction paper after a class project. I think I either snuck back into the classroom during lunch or after school and was digging through the file cabinet when the teacher walked in and caught me asking what I was doing. I was doubly embarrassed and ashamed to admit what I was doing and now being caught โbreaking into class to steal paperโ. Actually Now that I think about it , I was probably trying to get some Elmerโs glue, cotton balls, and glitter to make a sick ass valentine card. Maybe I would have gotten away with it if Iโd just stuck to the original plan for just the paper. Anyway I think she kind of laughed but also scolded me for trying to take stuff without asking. I gave up on the valentine card cause it was such an ordeal and Iโve been an awkward dude ever since.
magswrites ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college, I lived in a one-story duplex with eight units. There were four on one side and four in the other, and the front doors no windows all faced each other. The residents would all gather in the courtyard in between the buildings and chat in the evenings. I used to sit on the floor and army crawl from room to room to avoid being seen and possibly having to come out and talk.
Could have just closed the blinds.
CrazedCollie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anxiety definitely leads you to places. If I have to pick between learning a new mode/system of public transport in a new city, or walking five kilometers with my bags, I'll choose the latter scary often.
InokiNess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 5 years old and my mom brought me to church with her back in my home town in Romania, I really had to go to shit but i didnโt know where the bathro was, and i couldnโt ask my mother because I shouldnโt disturb her in the Lordโs house (she was very strict about that) so i just stood there, shitting my pants, and when the smell got around and people were wondering where it came from i just ran out and kept running until i reached my grandmaโs house where she washed my clothes while I ate ice cream. I became an atheist to avoid ever having to step inside that church again.
sugarcookiebee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was doing incline benches at the gym when I became too weak to get the bar up. I didn't want to be judged for not being able to bench 55 lbs so I just sat there with this bar crushing my chest hoping no one else would notice. I could see my boyfriend across the weight area from me talking to someone I didn't know, so to get his attention I kept going psst at various volumes until he could come help me.
Shinigamiq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:42:59 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 17 and was dating two girls at the same period. One case was going better than the other. So it reached a point when i had to make a choice. After a concert with the girl i didn't like as much, i would tell her that it couldn't work. For some reason though, the moment of the reveal, my honest self kicked in so strongly and i had an "honesty is the best policy" moment that i still regret. Instead of coming up with a painless way to end it, I said: "Ummmm.. i'm also dating another girl and i think i prefer to continue with her". She took it calmly at the time but later I found out that she despised me. Well deserved, if you ask me
moralityisaspook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was in an antique shop, when I suddenly felt the urge to poop. In my hurry to find the restroom, I failed to notice a sign saying "Restroom out of order." While I was on the toilet relieving myself, the owner of the store yelled into the bathroom not to flush it. Having already completed the deed, instead of confessing to the owner my mistake, I picked up my log from the toilet, threw it into the bathroom trash can, and hustled out of the store as quickly as possible. Still haven't been back
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 5th grade i was staying after class with my best friend and he spilled his guts out about a chick in our class. I started making jokes at him while walking backwards. Flipped over a desk and it fell on top of me.
So there i am layng on the ground with a bleeding arm and a desk (the kind with chairs attached, upside down on top of me) As this happens my crush walks in.
I didnt know what to do so i just shouted "man its awesome being able to use the desks however we want when the teachers gone!" While holding back tears. She just looks at him. Looks at me. And walks back outside and doesnt come back til the next day. I ran into her like 6 years later and she had no idea who i was.
Thats when i realized im the main character of my own anime.
RBF_level_expert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started a new job this week at a large hospital. The first day when I went to leave I went down the wrong stairs and came out on the wrong side of the building. I needed to get to the other side to catch the bus to the parking lot but was too embarrassed to just go back the way I came so I walked like half a mile around the building and a construction zone to the bus stop.
Ponimama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:57 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today, while on the phone with tech support, I let my house fill up with smoke instead of asking them to hold on while I opened the damper on the woodstove.
asoep44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was out of town being a tourist in a place with a street car. Coming from a place with no public transportation I had to ride. I stepped on and noticed no matter what I'd have to sit next to someone so I decided I would stand and hold on to one of the poles, because it can't go that fast can it?
It can and with me barely gripping the pole as soon as we rounded a corner I slammed into the wall of the car in front of a ton of strangers.
InitiateSnuSnu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in the 4th grade I went to see a movie with my best friend and her mom. When we got out, her mom went to the bathroom, but my best friend said she didn't need to go, so for some reason I said I didn't either, even though I had to piss like a tomcat. Afterwards we went to the bookstore, which didn't have a restroom, so I sat in a chair pretending to read, squirming uncomfortably for a half hour until it happened: I pissed my pants.
I untucked my shirt and pulled it down over my butt in an unsuccessful attempt to hide the evidence, but we rode home with the windows down in thirty degree weather and I was never invited out with them again.
excellentGrammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:44:49 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Threads like this remind how many people are probably on the spectrum and don't know it.
iEpidemics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes when I get ahead of myself when talking to someone I'll stutter or just say some gibberish. Some people look at me like I have an illness and others give the "huh?" Face. I don't own up to talking gibberish or stuttering and make them think they're bat shit crazy. Works better if you already know them.
SolsKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Social anxiety (me too)
basepair86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I lost track of time and got locked in the zoo once. Thankfully we were both small enough to squeeze through the gate rather than trying to find an employee and getting yelled at.
TheOriginalPenis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive had fake phone conversations more times than i can count.
stupidugly1889 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drove all the way back home to get a quarter at aldi (for the cart) because I couldn't find the courage to ask someone if they could exchange two dimes and a nickel for one.
hermitofkashmir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 8, I rode my razor scooter down the really steep hill in my neighborhood. I realized I couldn't press the break because I was barefoot and it would burn my heel, so instead, I just...jumped off. Going like 30+ miles an hour. Just got a little scraped up.
Years later, I would realize I could have just turned down another street to slow down naturally but I was 8 and what the fuck are physics when you're 8?
JRthePUMP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:45:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do the normal thing
Asunder_santa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one time when I was 10, I went fishing with some cousins and my uncle. While we were out in the lake on a raft/boat thing, I had to pee really bad but refused to just pee over the boat because there were other fishing there on the lake too. It eventually became too much for me to bear so I rushed to the side of the thing and before I could get my wee out, I pissรฉ myself. I cringe everytime I think about it.
Hank-Grizzly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in Scouts, we were playing man hunt in a woods at night. I found a really good hiding spot near the base we were supposed to get to, and I was waiting for the people hunting us to leave so I could run for it.
As I was waiting, two of the people hunting got bored, sat near me and started chatting.
I thought they wouldn't be too long, so I just stayed hidden, and then it got well beyond the point where it would have been awkward to reveal myself, so i stayed there for ages.
After they left, I went back and fond they had started a new game without me :-/
romhaja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a girl house at the age of 6 or something like that, dad dropped me at the door and I knocked, no one heard and I was too shy to ring the bell so I walked to a big street near and pointed that I need a ride something I just learnt about the other day.
Luckily I got a ride by a nice guy and not a pedo and had a long talk with him and my parents.
flying_fuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:42 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your mum
FearLeadsToAnger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I quit my first proper job between College and University I kept getting dressed and leaving the house at the same time for a week or so until I was brave enough to tell my ma..
Just kinda chilled in town, walked along the beach. Stupid, but I had a history of giving/fucking up at the time and I wasn't ready to deal with that.
mrstealyourbic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was eating some deep fried shrimp tapas with my girlfriend and their uncles who I just met. I put the shrimp in my mouth and didn't realize the tail was still on it. Though it was too late to fish it out so I just swallowed the entire thing.
Funny thing is there was only 4 shrimp and my girlfriend made a comment to me afterwards about the missing shrimp tail.
YouPetroleumJelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During my math exam, my instructor asked me "hey do I need to close the blinds? Is the sun bothering you?".. at the time, I was sitting in a position where it didn't bother me, so I told him it wasn't a problem.
Then, after I got the exam and put my head down while I began to work on it, I realized the sun was shining directly into my eye. I spent the duration of the period turning my head into different unnatural positions to avoid the sun instead of just asking him to close the blinds.
Lilythechihuahua ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:46:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, one day when the bell rang, I was still in the bathroom on the toilet. I was so embarrassed to be late to class and say it was because I was in the bathroom, so I stayed in the bathroom the entire period.
Another time there was a fire drill and when we went to stand outside I didn't see any friends and I didn't want to stand alone so I snuck away and walked all the way home.
bbtvvz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have so many stories!
When I was 19, I was commuting by train. Public transport is good here, so it was very convenient and cheap. But after a few weeks, the constant small talk with classmates was starting to really grind my gears. Like, I didn't give a fuck about these people, and they felt likewise. But once you pop the small talk cherry with your fellow commuters, there is no going back. You have this constant expectation to be having a conversation, and silence is now of the awkward variety.
A normal person might explain that they are just not a morning person, or have a mature talk about how they don't want to chinwag all the time, sneakily sit at the other end of the train, or, as a last resort, pointedly put on headphones.
I bought a car.
Aikistan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a severe aversion to women until I was in my late 20's to the point that I'd cross the street whenever one was approaching me on the sidewalk. One time, I forgot to look and stepped in front of the campus bus. Thankfully the driver was paying attention and stopped.
Theprocastinator213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:37 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was interested in this girl and I wanted to get her number (high school) and I didnโt know what to do since this was 3 months after she rejected me for the first time.
Then one day I was in a group conversation with her (getting out of class cuz it was boring) and she mentioned she was great at biology. I wasnโt really bad at it but I wasnโt great at it, and I wanted her number.
So being a socially awkward person that I am, I said ; โmy science exam is coming up and I could use some help with biologyโ. Those got her attention and she asked โwhat do you hep with?โ. Now most people would say something that would make sense. I how ever, said this; โeverything.โ She replied with โlike what?โ Most people would make something up to get out of this, I said, โeverythingโ.
Then she stopped talking to me, Iโm still embarrassed from asking her out and having awkward conversations. To this day, the interaction Iโve had with her is holding the door for her, which I couldโve done 3 more times to get a good chance of talking to her but I thought, โrun up the stairs, physics class is waiting. She might have her hands full and that could be a good excuse for you to wait for her by the door so you can talk to her, but nahโ
luigi1406 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We were trying to park (with friends in high school) when a lady was walking to her car. The guy driving is antisocial and proceeds to roll down the window to ask this lady a question. First thing that comes out of his mouth is "Hey lady" we all died laughing and he got so embarrassed he just kept on driving when the lady turned around to talk to him.
will_berttttt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was at a campsite in Tahoe using the bathroom facility. I was washing my hands before I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I went to the paper towels to dry my hands,(which were right next to the door) and a man came it and held the door open politely because he thought i was leaving. I didn't know what to do so I just left, walked around for five minutes, and came back to finish washing and brushing.
poepstorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have walked miles and miles because I'm too pussy to turn back when I realise I'm lost. I just march on, often twice as determined as before, looking to make three left or right turns somewhere..
aspophilia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dated a guy for 6 months starting the summer after high school because he had been into me (he called it love but I feel weird saying that) since freshman year. Everyone said I should give him a chance, so I did and immediately knew it was a mistake. No chemistry. I wasnโt attracted to him. When I broke it off because I just couldnโt deal anymore it pissed his friends off and a couple of mine.
I couldnโt figure out what to do in that situation. I wanted to give it a genuine chance, but I just couldnโt feel that way for him despite how much I cared about him as a friend.
He still tells mutual friends that I was โthe one that got awayโ. He even married (and later divorced) someone with my name. I tried to convince myself it was a coincidence but his best friend told me otherwise.
Most awkward relationship of my life.
SecretPerson1234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a huge crush on this girl I worked with but we worked in different departments. We would occasionally see each other and chat briefly and she seemed to almost go out of her way to talk to me. Normally you would try toget her number and see each other outside of work but not socially awkward me. Instead I hinted to a few people in her department that I liked her, thinking that they would tell her and that she would then ask me to hang out. Well I'm pretty sure they told her but I dont believe the rest played out as anticipated. I probably would have gotten to see her out of work, had I just used my balls. Sigh. Now it's clearly out of the question and the reason it's clear is too embarrassing to share even on a throwaway. I can talk to strangers all day, even hot girls. But if I actually have a crush on her beyond my dick, forget about it. I'm a kid.
_SnesGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:19 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the dumbest but I'm drunk and this happened last week.
The truck stop near my job has a cigar room and they sometimes sell the empty cigar boxes for $3. They make great project boxes. Building a custom blue tooth speaker into one right now actually.
Anyway, instead of asking the cashier who I know, I walked several laps through all the isles looking for 15 minutes then left empty handed.
Spokenbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The tattoos are fake
SnellyT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't eaten a cooked meal for over a week because I'm too scared to talk to my new roommates since I started university.
jordelo20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my job the doors leading outside are always locked but there is a sensor that detects when someone is close to the door (from the inside) and opens. Well as it happens the sensor doesn't always work properly and you go to push on the door for it to not open. Just two days ago I was walking out to go home for the day and I go to push on the door. It doesn't open and I end up walking into the door. There is a group of people behind me who see this happen. Instead of me just pushing the button that would unlock the door I just laugh and say to those people that I couldn't hit the button because my hands were full! .......There was nothing in my hands.
Madmeerkat55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tf is wrong with yall
UnicornToots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it's a holiday and I want to know if a restaurant is open, I call just to see if someone picks up the phone. Then I hang up.
tehzephyrsong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tbf there's not really a non-awkward direction to go from there.
"are you open?"
"....no, I just live here"
CobaltB1u3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was about a month into dating my current girlfriend. Dinner and movie night at her place. Stomach started gurgling. Her bathroom wasn't far from the living room where we were sitting. I knew the pipes were soon to be on borrowed time. Clenched back another 2 hours of farts, fluid, and made quip after quip on behalf of my talking tummy. Finally told her I needed to go buy some Tums. To be honest I wasn't even sure if Tums were useful in this situation. Just needed something to get me away from her poorly placed potty.
It was 11 o'clock at night. The Walmart down the street was the only store open. Parked and beelined for the bathrooms at the back only to find the janitor had roped off the men's room for cleaning. Thought briefly about desecrating one of the women's stalls just so I wouldnt wind up soiling myself among the late night Wallmartians. Wound up pacing awkwardly around the isles and rounding back every few minutes to check the men's room until it was cleared. Rushed in, made a variety of unholy noises. Washed up, bought a bottle of Tums and drove back to finish our movie.
Told her this story a couple years later. Hilarity ensued.
Mattushki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:25 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10 or so my family and I were staying at my relatives' place in Minneapolis. I was too nervous to take a shit there because there was no lock on the door. Ended up having to go to the hospital because my intestines were clogged or some shit
lousypompano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:32 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a huge spider in my church's shed and I couldn't get up the nerve to ride the lawnmower out past it. But I worked up my nerve to kick and smash it. Nearly the bravest thing I'd done in my life up till then. But the monster spider jumped my sidekick and i bellowed and ran out of the shed. To my surprise and embarrassment I spotted two old church guys down by the picnic table. I was too scared to go back in the shed and face the spider and I also had to account for my maniacal shout. So using the slight pain in my foot where I'd kicked the wall I hobbled over to the guys and explained that I'd twisted my ankle back there bad and I'd have to cut the church lawn another time.
blackcat- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:56 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time high in public. Went into a gas station with my best friend to pee, I left before he did(am female) so had no idea if heโd come out or not so I decided to wait a second and ended up studying bottles of oil for close to ten minutes. Instead of walking to the door to look in the car or.. as itโs dawning on me now, to text the driver who was still in the car, I stood almost dead still at the oil and antifreeze. Him walking out of the bathroom was an amazing feeling.
Pretty sure I didnโt even touch the bottles, just stared at them. Boy I was at an {11].
MidYouthCrisis96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:10 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I signed up for a monthly dog food box subscription from an overly pushy saleswoman I was too awkward to say no to.. I don't own a dog.
halfeclipsed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late but oh well. I was staying on a friend's couch after a night of drinking. I wake up at like 6am to a wet couch. Thinking I spilled a beer or something I start looking around for an empty can somewhere. Nothing. Then I realized I drunk pissed on myself. So I took my boxers off, threw them away, put on basketball shorts, flipped the couch cushion and dipped out of there at 630 am not saying a word to anyone because I was too embarrassed. Nobody ever said a word.
ShawshankException ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:51:26 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went on a coffee date recently. Now I'm super awkward with ordering from places I've never been to before, so when I got my coffee I couldn't find the table with the cream and sugar. So I sat there for an hour drinking black coffee.
womper9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was shy as a kid and had roller blades on (we played hockey) I was watching my brother's hockey game. I was going to go to the arcade but at the time we were sitting on bleachers and I didn't want to temporarily be sitting next to a girl so I skipped down each step (where you'd be sitting) ON THE BLADES, my neck should have ended up in 17 pieces, this is how I almost killed myself at 11 or 12 years of age.
annaliseilheia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:11 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was studying abroad and had a month off from school mid-year. I didn't want to explain to my host mom why I didn't have class and why I wasn't travelling, so I left the apartment everyday for a few hours. One day I didn't want to leave the apartment so I HID UNDER THE BED until she left to run errands. She even came in my room at one point to tidy up! She made the bed! How was I going to explain myself if she found me?? But thankfully she didn't and I had the place to myself for the rest of the day!
slyboner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:17 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a friend's house when I was 13 or so and we were eating dinner with his family.
His mum had cooked a delicious lasagne and we were all tucking in.
I noticed I had a hair in my mouth and discretely took it out, without anyone noticing (at least I think).
I carried on eating, and realised soon after that there were heaps of eyelashes in my lasagne, but I was too far gone to mention it at this point so I just ate the whole plate of lasagne with the eyelashes.
crcondes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:54 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck
Did they all just fall off the mom's face en masse while she was cooking?
cole93747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About my buddy, not me.
He had just gotten his drink after ordering food, and when the lady set his tray of food on the counter, she said, "Thank you!"
Poor bastard immediately grabbed his food and instinctively said, "You're welcome!" I saw him do a quick 180 and make that face that everybody makes of just "What the fuck was that, me?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freshman year of high school I flunked Spanish 1 because I was too scared to do the oral presentations
Hunterownedu2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At boot camp a girl next to me ate scrambled eggs with her hands because she was too scared to get a fork.
winterrobin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in kindergarten, another kid accidentally pushed me against the wall and for some reason the was a sharp pin sticking out of the bulletin board there. The pin stabbed my ear, which then started to bleed everywhere. I didn't want the teacher to worry or the other kid to feel bad so I just tried to keep the other side of my face toward her for the rest of the day, while the other side had blood all over it. I don't think it was long before she noticed, which I found even more embarrassing than if I had told her in the first place.
My awkwardness started early I guess. :/
TimelyBarren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:02 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Met a friend of a friend one night while our friend group was on the town. I liked her and was trying to smooth talk her. She asked if I was gay for some reason and instead of being a normal human being and saying no, I said yes. The rest of the night she was asking me questions about how it is being gay and I was improvising about rights and shit like that. She gave me her number that night but ended up trying to hook me up with another one of her gay friends. Oh also my friends thought I came out that night and they thought I was gay for the longest time
shadowarc72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My time to shine!
Last week I almost rode the bus around a loop because it was crowded and I didn't want to push passed everyone.
Going all the way around a building because I knew my professor sometimes came out the closest door and I didn't want to accidentally run into him.
Drove a friend of mine 60 minutes round trip so he could visit his girlfriend.
Stayed up way to late because I didn't want to tell everyone no.
I've done a lot of dumb stuff but now I'm working on it. Counseling is great.
spookbroodje ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:30 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While on my internship we had a personal keycard to move through every door. And I mean every door. From the laboratory to the cafeteria i had to pass 5 doors, but they needed no cardswipe on the way there. So after eating my lunch (My lunch started later due to my research and writing down my results) I headed back towards the lab. Before I left I noticed that I was the only person still eating. So walking to the first door I wanted to grab the keycard and then I noticed it was on my labcoat. So instead of pressing the Help button on the door I went to the toilets and did as if I was washing my hands. 10minutes later a guy from management walked into the toilet area, and so I waited for him to finish and wash his hands so that I could follow him towards the lab (only 3 of the 5 doors) then I got stuck again. Which made me kinda panic cause now I only had the coathangers for our normal clothes. So again instead of calling for help, I went and did as if my shoe got untied and noticed a coworker passing from the front desk (a full area behind me). So i finished 'tying my shoe' and walked withthe coworker back to the lab.
And then everyone was watching at me when I entered and instead of telling I forgot my keycard I told that i started my break 15minutes later.
sunnydot12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't want to ruin a concert and by trying so hard not to ruin it, I inherently ruined it.
So, it was my fault we were already 2 hours late to "The Art of Rap" featuring the WuTang, Ice T, all the oldies but goldie's and I felt bad and didn't want my best friend to miss a single second (because this is her dream to listen to the legends live) and we stood in the middle of the crowd, far far far away from any concession stands.
I am very tiny and malnourished in the first place and rarely go outside, so after only 30 minutes I can feel myself get very light headed. My vision starts fading in and out. I think "it's okay, I can still hear though, it's just the heat, just stand completely still and breathe" I should have, but I really didn't want to even say the normal "oh let's grab some water" because that would take atleast 30 minutes to even get out of the crowd then 30 minutes to wait in line, get water and get back in. So here I am, half-seeing shit, fully hearing and that's when my hearing ceases and I only hear high pitched ringing and nothing else. I turn to her finally but before I can even say anything everything goes black and I feel myself hit the gravel below.
So the amberlamps came and I inherently ruined the concert for us by trying not to ruin it in the first place :/
Drink water, guys.
Minihitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My buddy and I got picked up by his mom from the airport after a trip to Portland. She smokes and asked If I minded if she had one in the car. I hate cigarette smoke so naturally I said I didn't mind. She smoked the whole hour ride back.
Edit: grammar
CommenMistakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:43 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I got blood noses a lot, I bought a box of tampons and put them up there to stop the flow, my teacher called my mother and told her to have a talk.
msut77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked into an olive garden meant to go to restaurant next door and ate there
baconj22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:54:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I'm on an elevator by myself in a tall building and the elevator stops so someone can get on, instead of just going with them in the elevator down to my destination I get out and walk the stairs the rest of the way.
This is extremely awkward of me to do now that I think about it.
CorpralDurrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:03 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once let my assistant manager call me 'Dick' for 2 years because I thought he repeated my actual name (Nik) during introductions and was too embarrassed to correct him the following day, and every weekday for 2 years and 3 months. Once I finally corrected him, he told me that he knew, and was just fucking with me the whole time. Honestly, I still doubt this... he never struck me as someone who would be /that/ dedicated to a joke.
Munchiezzx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My life
Ribbons1223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:34 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager I wasn't very into sex or dating. I would tend to get way too overwhelmed with what I thought guys expected of me at that age and I would break up with them after a week or less. They got very upset about it. Granted, none of them proved to want to take it easy and move into that kind of thing slowly.
Anyway, since I was clueless about all of it, when a guy did take me downtown and decided to try and make out with me in an alley in the middle of winter, I let it happen instead of saying no when I was uncomfortable. I also made small moaning sounds as we made out because I thought that was what I was supposed to be doing and he had to stop and ask me wtf. I was super embarrassed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stole condoms so I don't have to check out with them.
the1liner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:40 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forgot my house key. So I slept in my car in my drive way because I didn't want to ring the doorbell and wake anyone.
Skrimiche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never corrected anyone when they were pronouncing my name wrong. It's been like this for as long as I can remember.
yupinmyfrenchbraid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:55:53 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a horrible sense of direction, I get lost even in my home town. Usually if I walk in the wrong direction I'll pretend to get a phone call, answer it and say something like "ohhh, we're meeting there now? OK, be there soon!". I doubt anyone is even paying attention to me but it helps me feel less stupid.
Google maps always seems to disorientate me at the start so once I get going I usually end up making it to the correct destination.
The420dwarf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:13 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I changed in gym class I took one shirt off from under the other one. I didn't want the other boys to see my fat boy boobs. After a while I got over it.
Quicksi1verLoL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:20 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in college I would skip class if I was ever late, even barely late, like 1 or 2 minutes. I struggled with social anxiety, and the feeling of walking late into a class was often too overbearing. I would literally drive 15 minutes to class, walk up to the door, check my phone to see I was 2 min late, and decide to drive back home.
Pvt-Shovel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes when I'm ringing out a customer they will forget to put an item on the counter to scan. Sometimes I don't have the courage to tell them they forgot it in the cart so then they end up stealing because I was too much of a bitch to say something
Skyboy91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on an elevator and wasnโt paying attention (I was on my phone). I got off at the wrong floor with someone who knew I actually worked 1 floor up. I couldnโt let it be known that I got off at the wrong floor like a dumb dumb, so I continued to walk along this incorrect hallway (which was very long) until I was out of that personโs sight and then I went back to the elevator and went upstairs. I logged into my work station like 5 minutes late that day.
ImPretendingToCare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:23 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So when i was in 9th grade my teacher had us do an assignment (i literally have no clue what it was about) all i know is i was writing about Micheal Jordan
.... In the beginning i wrote "Michael Jordan wanted to be a baseball player but it didnt work out" (or something like that) because i remember watching some sort of biography saying that really early on he was most interested in playing baseball then eventually he got interested in basketball (forgive me if this is not true im just going off what i saw)
Then like just after i wrote that the teacher came around to check how i was doing so she started reading it ... and she was like "oh honey, he wasnt interested in baseball its Basketball" ... and at that time i was supeerrrrrr mega shy and super socially awkward like anything that i could do to avoid any extra talking id do .. so i played along as dumb and said "ohhh ok" ...
She prob looks back to that day as the dumbest thing a student has ever said.
eljefino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:27 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was passing a car that was just driving like a total dub and I had to show him... so I missed my exit, knowing there was another exit a mile further up.
Didn't want to abort my passing maneuver and lamely negotiate a hole in the slow lane.
lfantine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:57:48 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know which hole on my watchband to use so I tightened it as tight as it could go and left it on even through showers until it kind of started to smell and the skin got shiny and pink where the bezel was constantly against my skin. Smelled kind of like when you haven't worn an earring for a long time and squeeze your earlobe and secretly smell it after checking to see if anyone is looking. Waterproof Casio calculator watch, 6th grade. Private school, eleven kids in my grade.
Nobody liked me.
foggynotion__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:54 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a boy in the 3rd grade, but not knowing how to talk to him I devised a fool-proof plan to woo him.
I decided to give him a gift, but being poor as fuck led me to dig through old toys and eventually I found an old toy ambulance and a squishy ball to put inside for good measure.
The next day in class, without saying a word, I gave the toy to him then focused on my school work. Five minutes later, I looked up to see some confused kid three desks down carefully observing the toy, then he passed it to the next kid, and then so on.
He thought it was show and tell day.
roskov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:51 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was new to my job and a coworker was explaining how to look up certain search terms to bring up consultants. I asked a question about unmatched names and he showed me some alternate ways they can be entered, like if someone gets married or changes their name.
He begins to tell me a story about how frustrating it was for him that one of his consultants had their name legally changed because they are trans. No one knows it at this current job, but I am trans and so I had to stand there awkwardly while he told me what a huge hassle it was for him because I felt too awkward to tell him.
An extra note is we were two of the three people in the office because it was during Irma so I was sort of stuck with him ranting until he was done. Thankfully itโs never come up again, but I feel I should have spoken up instead of staying quiet.
Chillbro_Yolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:52 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, I grew up on 4chan and the internet in general all through my teen years. Did the whole online dating thing forever,so bad. This one girl I met on /r9k/ was artistic, nerdy, a channer and super horny all the time, so we were basically solemates, lol. She lived in Pennsylvania and I'm in Michigan, so road trips and plane rides aplenty.
Turned out she was hardcore bipolar, and after a while it started to get real bad. 38 missed calls in the span of 2 hours kinda shit, but I was going to go visit her in a few days and so I just thought I'd do the manly thing and break up w her in person bc ending an online relationship thru a text was a 'beta' thing to do (actually that whole beta meme started after I had stopped frequenting the place, but whatever. I don't remember what my thought process was at the time).
So I get there, it's awesome, we're having fun but I already know I'm going to end it. I'm there for like, 3 days and we're staying at her dad's house, banging like crazy in the basement. Her two sisters, her brother, her dad and stepmother are there and, the night before my flight the next morning, I sit her down and tell her it's over... I can't do it anymore.
Ugh so dumb.
Starts screaming, crying, tries to strangle herself w a lamp cord nearby (I almost started laughing at that, like cmon girl) and I'm freaking out. Finally calm her down and we end up banging again ("I mean you're still here, so you might as well fuck me one more time").
She turns off my alarm so I don't wake up on time for my flight the next morning, miss it, and then spend the whole rest of the day getting the death glare from her father, we're driving around in rural PA and she has a breakdown, pulls over and tells me to get out, and then I'M freaking out bc I'm several states away from home, in the middle of nowhere.there was no way I was getting out of that car.
Had to buy another flight back home and everything worked out, but damn what was I thinking.
Don't worry, I still haven't learned better and am awkward af. But I haven't talked to girls on 4chan or visited the place in several years, which I think is a plus?
davidbklyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't an acute, one-time awkward thing, but a chronic one. In high school lunch, of course. I wasn't a cool kid, I was a skater with aspirations of popularity. I fancied I was edgy but had some crossover appeal. None of my actual friends shared my lunch period, but there were some trendy kids (our name for them back then) who did. They were mostly girls (I'm not) and one of them was pretty sexy. I only knew them a little bit, not well at all, but since I was at a loss otherwise, I thought I'd eat lunch with them.
Thing was, I really knew them even less than I thought. I was awkward anyway (so much for that crossover appeal), and quickly realized I had next to nothing to say during lunch. I would just sit there mostly quietly, probably trying to laughing along at their stories but contributing nothing, just eating my shitty cafeteria food, a ball of intimidated teenager. But I stayed there and at ate their table for pretty much the entire year. It was a daily, 40-minute-long endurance test of awkward trying-to-fit in, up close and intimate. I'm actually sorry I put them through it.
theoknem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally did a flip when my friend asked me to once. He's like "OH SHIT QUICK DO A FLIP" and i literally tried, no idea why but i ended up on my back and feeling like my skull had spikes pressing out of it.
ruok4a69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was having an interview for a pretty sweet job at a large (Big Ten) university in the upper IT department. Breezed through a few stages and some other guys were brought in and we talked some more. I know I was doing really well when someone shot out a question I really should have had a great answer for.
Normally, Iโm the type that even if I donโt knownexactly what youโre talking about, I have enough related knowledge that I can bullshit a decent answer and satisfy you that either I know the material or can learn it easily. This time I just drew a total blank and, for one of the few times in my life, froze completely.
The only thing I could eventually say after some awkward staring was โsorry, for some reason my mind is drawing a total blank on this. I should know, but I have no ideaโ. Not โsorry Iโm not sure I understand, can you repeat that (while I stall)โ or anything else normal and useful. And thatโs how I didnโt get the job Iโd been working toward for over a decade.
iceagehero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a job interview:
"So richard, what do you like to go by; Rick, Ricky, Rich, (with a joking inflection) Dick"
Me: "It's Cock, actually"
He stared at me blankly for a minute then continued the interview.
I did get the job though...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The number of times I'll walk out of a shop empty handed is staggering. It'll be one of 2 situations:
Either no one approaches me when I clearly need help and can't find the thing I'm after OR they ask me straight away as I walk into the store if they can help me to which I instinctively say "no" without really thinking about whether or not that's the case and then proceed to be too awkward to go back for help anyway.
God bless e-commerce
Emilitalokita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a bar with a few friends, not completely wasted but a few drinks in. We heard there was a band upstairs, so we decided to finish our drinks and go upstairs to check out the music. There was a security guard at the top, holding one of those metal detector wands, and he held his arms out at me... presumably so that I would copy and hold my own arms out to the side so that he could wand me before going in. However, I am overly friendly and enthusiastic when intoxicated, so I thought that he was holding out his arms to hug me, and I basically tackled him in a big bear hug. Heโs a bigger dude, about 6โ something and Iโm a smaller girl, for context. He looked alarmed and told me he didnโt want a hug.
Yikes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost broke my foot in primary school but instead of telling the teacher so I could go home I just played it cool and limped around for the rest of the day. Didn't even tell my mum until she asked why I was limping.
Cignul9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate the entire soybean pod of edamame on the first date with my wife, because I'd never had it before and didn't want to ask. She married me anyway, it's a win.
aquilianranger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in college I worked for this eccentric guy who had a family farm. He would come in while I was working, and he would bitch, every day about the guys he had hired to do work on his house. Every day he would come in and bitch about this guy who came in to use his bathroom, and stink up the whole house. I started to feel as if he was telling me that he didn't feel comfortable with me using his bathroom. So one day I really needed to piss, but I didn't want to take the long walk across the farm to his house to piss, when he clearly didn't want me in there, but there wasn't a tree or anything nearby I could hide behind. So I took an empty bottle and I peed into it. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I hid it behind a cabinet in the wall. I did that a number of times. I peed in a bottle and hid it in that barn. I think there may have been half a dozen bottles of piss in there before I quit. (He owed me for about six months of work that he couldn't or wouldn't pay me for) I wonder sometimes if he found them and what the fuck he thought was going on.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in college I was waiting on campus for the bus to go to another building (it was a really big campus). A friend drove by, saw me waiting and offered me a ride. So I said, โSure!โ
We were chatting in the car then I realized he was driving me to my apartment, not the building I needed to go to for my next class. Instead of saying something, I rode all the way to my apartment, said thanks to him and started walking toward my place until he drove away, then turned right back around and walked to the bus stop to wait for the bus to take me back to campus.
Pvt-Shovel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also back in kindergarten they put me on the computer to play games. They told me to "not get up" so I literally took what they said as "don't move for any reason no matter what or you'll get in trouble"so I'm playing on the computer and shit,my 5 year old bladder couldn't hold much and I had to take a wee. But I was too scared to go to the bathroom in fear I'd get in trouble. Ended up pissing myself right there, also ended up crying and left school early with my piss pants
Grimmanomaly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first day of Kindergarten I had a similar experience. We went outside for recess and I was told we werenโt aloud to go inside during but I had to take a shit. So I found a hole out on the black top, dropped my pants, and filled that hole! I got in trouble... but in my defense I was raised in the forest when I was a kid, so I could go pretty much anywhere I wanted to whenever I wanted to...
Pvt-Shovel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:32:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha glad I'm not alone in embarrassing kindergarten stories
DetectiveCactus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 I didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom(our classrooms all had one individual bathroom) because I didn't know if anyone was in there and I didn't want to knock cause, Idk shy I guess. I ended up getting up like 20 minutes later when I was ready to explode. Walked in, pissed myself instantly. Luckily that toilet often overflowed cause our school had shitty plumbing so I played it off like I flushed when my pants were down and they got wet from that. 8 year olds were dumb enough to buy it.
Stronglike8ull2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was probably 12 and spending the night at a good friends house. Everything was going normally like any other time I had been there. Except that the next morning when I woke up I absolutely without a doubt realized I pissed the bed. Weโre not talking like. Just a little wetness in my underwear, no, there was piss covering about half of the bed.
Instead of being normal and confessing what happened, I was so embarrassed that I just sat in my own piss. I sat like this for probably 3 hours until my mom finally came and got me and I bolted out the door. My friend even sat on the bed with me for a good 30 minutes while we were playing games. To this day about 7 years later, I never heard from him or his family about how I fucking pissed all over their bed
WirtThePegLeggedBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mid 90's, I'm about 10 years old, walked into a Blockbuster to see what new games and movies they had in stock. After being in the store for a few minutes, I realized I was unable to rent anything without my mom's Blockbuster card. But I was afraid of just walking straight out of the store because, I don't know, I thought they might assume I stole something. So before I left, I purchased a packet of peanuts, the ones that have been on the little rack next to the register for about a century.
viatone22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uh everything about my life is awkward
ididntmeanto_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when I was younger my friend and I made cake mix to eat (funfetti is so good before itโs cooked). So we are eating the cake mix and she had to use the bathroom. I was getting full and felt awkward telling her so I tipped over the huge bowl of cake mix upside down and when she came back down, all i said was โI donโt know how this happenedโ.
Still yet to admit it to her and sheโs my best friend of about 15 years.
NoWaitITakeThatBack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was visiting family a few years ago, and most of them don't know English. Well, I was sitting down in the driveway petting my auntie's new Rottweiler, his name was Tyson. Huge sweetheart. Her Chihuahua then comes over and plops on my lap, and I guess he didn't take too kindly to the fact that I was playing with the rott. And it being a Chihuahua, they think they're big dogs, and started growling. They got into a fight right on my lap, and that of course drew everyone's attention. They stopped almost immediately, but it wasn't until about a minute later that I realize that my hand was torn up, I assume from Tyson.
I was too awkward to interrupt them since I didn't understand them, so I just held up my hand and waited for someone to notice. It took about 5 minutes for someone to see and call an ambulance
ocarina_21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to McDonald's and they gave it to me to eat in instead of go so rather than asking for a bag I just started putting burgers in my pocket.
thereticent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 5th grade I asked a girl what she would say if I were to ask her out.
koavf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.................well?!
thereticent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, "No, I have a boyfriend." Glad I checked before asking...whew
koavf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, update tho. Did you end up meeting the love of your life who is a funny, kind, generous, brilliant, dedicated woman that has given you two sons???
Cdk926 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:03:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10 years old I went to visit with family members who I didn't know very well. I walked by the kitchen stove and sitting on top was a large pot filled with what looked like cooked pinto beans. Since no one was around, I reached in to scoop some up with my bare hands rather than getting a spoon like a civilized person. Right after I put it in my mouth, I started to chew as someone walked in the room, and I immediately realized it was actually dog food. The family had two large dogs and the big pot was the dog bowl that they had yet to carry outside. I silently went to the restroom to spit it out in the toilet. Never told anyone in the family out of embarrassment.
UndeadBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was staying at a friend's place and shortly after I woke up, his roommate came home for lunch. I spent an hour pretending to still be asleep because I didn't want to introduce myself without my friend there.
lizerpetty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do NOT litter, however when I was driving to school with my older brother, he handed me a fast food cup and said "Throw this out the window" I said "no that's littering and it's wrong" his response "throw it out the window or I'll punch you in the face" (this was a realistic threat) So, me not knowing how to litter properly, throws it out the window as fast as possible. We happened to be at a stop sign, and the person behind us honks...a lot. (Which is totally understandable). Which makes me feel even worse. So then my brother smacks me on the back of the head and punches me in the thigh and calls me an idiot. My response: "I don't litter, and I don't know how to." 20 years ago and I still feel bad about it.
TL;DR I can't litter properly.
syrvyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I diarrhea shitted out of a tree on a golf course and had to attempt to wipe clean with silk boxers...
I can't poop or fart anywhere near women and I was sharing a hotel room with a female.
a_burdie_from_hell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:04:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Using the nurses toilet at school because I hated using the public toilet. However, this worked against me one day, as the nurse wasn't there, so I went in and used it anyways, and then she came back to her office and I felt awkward so I decided to hide in there until she left again. However, she never did leave, so when I ultamatly had to leave first, she just stared at me like "wtf where did you come from?"
WaltorDaquan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely everything.
easternlf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school i forgot to turn at a staircase and instead of turning around i went all the way around the school
dogler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bartended in my hometown for years and would constantly pretend to not know/recognize people I grew up with/went to high school with. I hate making small talk. Canโt believe I lasted in that job as long as I did haha.
largeangryredletters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:05:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 10 my mom sent me to a catholic summer camp. I am not catholic. I took communion because everyone else was getting up and lining up. I am pretty sure I took it out of the dudes hand and popped it in my mouth like a mint.
elefantejack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when i was 7 a friend lied to everyone saying that i liked this girl. i never said it was a lie and until i was 12 everyone thought i liked her. i never even talked to her.
twiztedterry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Met this girl at work ages ago, we were in the same training class. Anyway, she was SUPER forward with her advances, putting her hand on my thigh, putting her arm around me, laying her head on my shoulder, etc.
Me, being an awkward 18 year old, was entirely out of my comfort zone with this level of unexpected affection, just sat there and tried to pretend it wasn't happening, this continued for the entire duration of the 3-week training class.
That was 13 years ago.. we're married now..
darlas12four ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:06:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I was into horse riding. One day, as we were all leading the horses back to their stables after the lesson, my horse stood on my foot. We then stopped for some reason or another .My socially inept ass let this horse stand on my foot for around 2 minutes until we started walking again. All because I was too awkward to speak to the instructor and let her know. I can't even tell you why.
Edit: Bonus story... must've been round about the same time, also at this riding centre, it so happens. I was waiting in the reception for my mum to pick me up. I needed a piss so fucking badly, but I was too scared to ask one of the adults where the toilet was. So as I was sitting on the sofa, I just couldn't hold it anymore. And I pissed myself, on the sofa. Saw a bottle of water on the floor and picked it up and opened the cap a bit, y'know, so it looked like it had spilled. Sat in the car all the way home soaked in urine.
wow_suchuser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went to church and went to confession. For some reason the priest was directly across from me instead of the little booth. He started talking and explained the procedure then holds out his hand towards me (palm up like when you give someone something). I think "oh shit what do I do now? I can't leave him hanging" So naturally I decided he wanted to hold my hand. I place my hand on his. He says no and that it was time to tell him my sins. I then tell him about all the terrible things I did. Twenty years later I still cringe.
billyfreddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if i buy something at a store, and for whatever reason, if i forgot something or whatever, i'll drive out of my way to go to a different one even though there's several stores around my home within 5 minutes of driving. i'll drive a half-hour away to a different wal-mart just so i don't have to go to the same one twice in one day, even when there's one very close to me.
TotalMushroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking home from my class on sunday when I saw my friend's mum. We did the usual small talk and then went separate ways. I still had to get another item and so did she so instead of making awkward eye contact and smiling again I paif for all my stuff as quickly as possible, ran out of the shop and walked another 2 miles to another different shop to get the other 1 item.
1144you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 6 at my best friends house, and we had bagels for breakfast and I didnโt enjoy the bagel so instead of being rude and putting it in the trash, I put the bagel on the window ceil and I closed the curtains so it was hidden. 10 years later that is still one of our many inside jokes.
GookuMunich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took the bus for the first time to go downtown to eat with some classmates. I sat down in a seat that commemorated Rosa Parks before I saw that the first person in our group sat in an empty seat further back.
Wanting to sit with that person, I got up and moved back to their seat while awkwardly cutting off a random person. I did not want to be a jerk so I said an awkward joke of, "Oh, a Rosa Parks seat? I am not worthy as a man!"
Next thing I know, five angry black ladies start questioning me, interogating about what I was implying with my dumb and awkward joke.
Needless to say, totally nailed my first time using the public transportation system and I definitely didn't get cursed off the bus!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:08:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the first day of classes last fall semester, the power went in out in one of the buildings I had a class in so they quickly sent out a revised meeting schedule for all the classes. I completely misread it and entered the wrong class room. I had an economics course and turns out I was sitting in a middle eastern politics class. The professor started doing ice breakers asking everyone their name, major, etc. And when it was on me I made up a whole story about how I was thinking about switching majors. The professor reached out to me after the class too.
TerranKing91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so with a bit of context, it was at my first job as a student, i was maybe 19 and after a full year the job was really boring for me so i was late quite a lot. So one day my boss got really angry and screamed at me (the only time) that i needed to be on point from now on or he would tell my school and take some of my salary out. So needless to say i was scared and i decided to be right on time. Well as you can guess not even one week later i got Really late (like 50min) and i thought that was it, i was about to get fired. So i decided to do the best thing to save my ass and i called the company and told another collegue (we were 4 working there) that i was late because my (dadโs) car broke down and i had to take the bus (the bus took 1h and car 10 min). That way i totally justified why i was late knowing the bus travel took exatcly the time i was late for, and i took the car anyway. So the company was situated in a big area with a lots of others company, and in the middle a restaurant for the employee. Soni parked on another company parking and acted like i ran from the bus stop to get there asap. Everything was fine until lunch, we were all walking after a good meal towards the office and a collegue asked if we could take the other path to get there, the boss was like whatever its the same and at this moment i noticed why, he probable saw my car and boy i was right, we passed my car which was parked right on the side and i heard the two collegues behind me say like ยซย wtf its exactly his car dudeย ยป thinking i didnt heard. So in the afternoon they both went to the toilet one after the other and im pretty sure they went to check if it was actually my car, each of them smilling when they came back. I cringed so hard at that moment but im glad they actually never confronted me directly.
Slid61 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few months ago I hit it off with a girl on tinder. Since she was traveling I invited her to stay at my place for a night, with the obvious implications. When we finally met she was... not as attractive as I thought she was, either physically or personality-wise. Rather than saying I didn't want to sleep with her we ended up eating some pot brownies and I pretended I was too high to do anything. When we left I never talked to her again. Definitely not the right thing to do.
SixtyWattSunburn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time a while back when I was with my first GF, I had never hugged a girl before. We were waiting for our cars outside of school and we were trying to get used to the whole BF and GF thing, so we tried hugging. My car was right in front of me and I didnโt want my grandma to see me do it. So, I tried to go in for a quick shoulder hug, but I accidentally dug my fingers into her shoulder blade and hurt her. She laughed it off, but didnโt let the topic drop for a week.
joshthor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
online dating?
PC__LOAD__LETTER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walk 18 floors down to the street every day after work because I don't want to deal with people in the elevator.
belbo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:10:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 I went with my parents to a family to adopt a puppy. When I was wandering around in their house, I came into the kitchen and two kids, some cool boys a few years older than me, were hanging out there. When I entered the kitchen a boy asked me something but I didnt hear it well. I said "what?", but didnt hear it again. He repeated the question for like five times but I just could not hear what he said. I was so embarrased that I just guessed he asked my street name (lol, why...), and told him my street name and number. They stared at me with a really strange face and he said "sorry???", I repeated my street name and this went on for several times. After that, there was a really long awkward silence and the boy said to the other "ive never heard such a weird name for a dog". Suddenly I understood what he asked but didnt dare to say. I just pretended we named the dog like my street name and number.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had an eye doctor appointment to check my eyeglasses and contact lens prescription. About 8 minutes in I realize I never took my contacts out and he was doing my examination with them in. I assume he's the doc and can tell that, so whatever. Fast forward to a week later when my glasses come in, I go to the office to try them on and kinda realize what's happened. Keep my contacts in as I try the glasses on and wow, best vision I've ever had! Didn't say anything, just left with my new (very hip, might I add) glasses.
10/10 awkward in my head experience, could see individual blades of grass, still wear glasses daily with contacts in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:11:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was in my third year of school, I was put into a fourth year maths class (I have no clue why, I suck at maths.) I had never heard of the teacher that took that class before, and I was too scared to go into a class a year above my level, so for the first half of the year I hid behind a tree for the maths hour, and then returned to my normal class. It was rather boring so eventually I decided to show up, and amazingly nobody ever questioned it.
olpdragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:12:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont know my dentists name. Well, the bane of the dental hygienist lady that works on my teeth before the head dentist does a quick check up after. I've been going to that place for years, and I don't know any of the staffs names, and they like to make somewhat personal conversation with me because I've been going there for several years. It is fsr to late to ask anyone their names again.
cerulean-fantasy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:13:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally just ask the teacher if I could go use the bathroom.
She was reading the novel we were working on out loud, so everyone was just reading along/listening intently. Mind you, she was at a good part in the book... but I really had to go and I couldn't wait any longer. I raised my hand and shook it a little bit to get her attention faster... she said yes, and I hurriedly jump out of my seat, knocking over some of my pencils on my desk, and promptly left.
Everyone looked at me like there was something seriously wrong with me. Even worse, the teacher came looking for me after I was in the washroom for over 10 minutes and made her worry. I feel so much cringe looking back on it now.
knomechompski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I boycotted going to the toilet for an hour because it meant I'd have to go past the man replacing the door to the laundry.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have another one from my father, When he was a kid he was getting ready to take the bus to school but he had to use the bathroom. He felt too awkward to go back in the house and miss the bus because he'd have to have his mother or father drive him to school so he gets on the bus and... he poops his pants, He sits there the whole trip to school without saying anything and ends up having to be sent home when he gets to school.
Kelwarin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:17:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had never seen a rotating door until I was 20. Was going into a building with my dad that had a revolving door and followed him into one of the wedges. Immediately realized the mistake but it was too late and had to awkwardly shuffle forward. He just gave me the "what the fuck was that" look followed by a look that I can only imagine was immense disappointment in his failure of a son.
Madmagican- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:18:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make consistent eye contact (+awkward smile that comes with it) hoping my crush would make the first move.
Did that for a whole semester and she never gave it a second thought.
Jiimmayx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well idk if this counts but today I went to get in the elevator (had to go up 9 floors), but upon the doors opening and it being completely empty, I noticed someone let a dank fart rip. As there are usually a bunch of people waiting for the elevator on floor 9, I chose to take the stairs to avoid being blamed for the narsty fart.
sovereign666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In junior high I had a crush on a girl. Instead of talking to her I got on her bus. Asked a special ed kid on the bus where she lived because I knew he would tell me. I already knew rhe neighborhood, just needed the house. Came back another day on my scooter and sat across her street working up the courage to ask her out. That took 4 hours. I sat there for 4 hours. In this time her sibling came outside, they fought, she asked me 3 or 4 times over the course of the 4 hours if I was waiting for someone or lost.
Then I asked her if she wanted to date. I didn't cross the street mind you, I yelled it while sitting on the curb across the street. Ya I got teased for that one for damn sure. Sucked we went to the same high school. Thinking on it, I think that interaction was what pushed me to hate preppy kids and rebel as a goth. Good times.
sarasmilin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know about EVER but an older lady was staring at me in the gym locker room last week, like wouldn't break eye contact, so I tried to switch bras in the most discreet fashion... which actually probably looked like a mess and guaranteed she saw boob for at least 500% longer than had I just not been obnoxious.
DixonYamouf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got invited to a Bonfire by a girl I liked, packed a bunch of shit expecting to camp because it was late and I expected everybody to be drunk. Show up to the bonfire, it's packed, tons of people, smoking weed, drinking, there was a DJ with a truck too. The girl I wanted ends up spending the night with some other guy, I couldn't find a friend to ride home with, so I end up sleeping in a sleeping bag next to the fire. Wake up and nobody is left but me, her and her guy, and her best friend and her guy. So i'm the odd one out, who stood around awkward for hours and then an awkward silent car ride home feeling unwanted. Good times
Bumitis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered a pineapple pizza
coffee-mountains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:19:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went out to lunch with co-workers because we got a new member to our team and it was her first day. I ordered chicken skewers and got to one piece I knew immediately was very very raw. I was an intern and only started a few weeks prior and didn't want to spit it out in front of my boss and our director so I ate it.
5heepdawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:20:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Called it Tai Chi(not even sure if spelling was right), basically meant I'd jump onto the floor/lawn/ground and flail around. People loved it, probably because I looked stupid. Fuck adolescent life, however I don't regret it.
SEE:Magikarp
shfiven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have to plug my ears and close my eyes to pee in public restrooms. This happened until I was like 35. I couldn't even use a public bathroom until after I graduated from college. Before that I would not eat or drink a single thing all day until I got home from school because I would have preferred to pee my pants that use the bathroom at school.
heraclitus33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing. Im dope as fuck. Always have been. Except for that wave to a cute RA who was waving to someone behind me...
masbtyb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kjd
mattmorph2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened the other week, I went out to a club with a few friends and we got split up so there was only 3 of us. We all go to the bar to get a drink, bare in mind it was about 2:30 at this point and we were at the โshotsโ stage of the night. So we go to get tequila shots, but I stayed a little back while the other two got the drinks in.
While I was standing alone, this girl comes up to me and starts dancing with me, so I ask if she wants a shot as well to which she says yes. So I give the friend my debit card and ask for 4 tequila shots. We do them and this girl and I carry on dancing/ grinding on me/ kissing for an hour or so more. During this time she ends up buying me about 6 more tequila shots (which is very rare for a girl to buy for a guy).
We were in an RnB room, so a Rihanna song comes on so we both start singing. Then, as we are both completely drunk, she comes up and whispers in my ear โI have a really bad reputationโ in a very seductive way. Now, sheโs made it clear sheโs interested and the normal thing to do was take this girl home. However, being the awkward person I am, I decided to shout, in the middle of the club โoh no, thatโs not goodโ. Safe to say she wasnโt too impressed and was very confused. Once realising what I had just done, and blown my opportunity completely, I left to go find my friends again
EatYourCheckers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my new job, we get badges that let us into the building. But they don't get activated until your 90 days probation is up. So, to get in the building, I have to buzz in, which i know makes a loud sound for the admin assistant to unlock the door with a button at her desk.
So now, and for the next 2 months, anytime I forget something in my car, I just go without because I don't want to go out to my car repeatedly. Will people really care that I went to my car once or twice during the day? Will people talk about it? Is pressing the open button really that hard for Marie? Probably not, but still I sit there, cold without my jacket, thirsty without my water, or wishing I had remembered to bring my health insurance enrollment form in today...
Cockrocker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'm so late to this but i have a good one, probably a few really.
I was coming home from coffee with my mate and his wife and I stopped to get some fuel about 3 blocks from my house. My across the road neighbour was there and we made small talk, all that we were capable of. We both left together for home and I didn't want to have to think of more to say when we got out, so I just pulled over and made a quick call to my brother, we had some stuff to talk about anyhow. So i'm talking to him and I didn't think about it but I was on the dodgy "streetwalker" area of my town and while i'm talking my neighbour goes by, this one regular girl from there (lets just call her a veteran) opens my door and gets in my car. So my nieghbour saw me pick up a prostitute.
Later my mate who I was having coffee with rang me and told me that he had seem me too and "WTF were you doing!!" He and his wife have never let me live it down (and I haven't spoken to the neighbour since).
Oiman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a new highschool as a kid, mid-schoolyear. The arts teacher wanted to know my name. She didnโt understand me the first time, asked me again, I said it again, then she said โAah, <incorrect name>, welcome!โ
Instead of me correcting her like a normal person, another kid had to do it halfway through the class.
Thatbul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got stranded in the city when I lost my car keys. I walked down to the train station and had no idea what to do. So instead of asking someone for help I walked back up the stairs and paid a cab $90 to drive me home.
fullfaceneckbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R koo zm. Offed iickiddii oi office iocij .uk .uk ooh u. ๐ I u 888 o>^
Improvis2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My high school was really big. As in the building was an eighth of a mile across and square. I really had to pee, and of course if I go right after class I have to deal with stage fright. Normally I can overcome it after half a minute, but for some reason it just wasn't working out, even though I really had to go. I was probably standing at that urinal for two minutes trying to get over myself as dudes grunted out a piss next to me and left. I ended up walking an eighth of a block and up two flights of stairs to get up to the third floor once everyone was in class and take a leak.
OccamsRaiser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in second grade, I had never peed at a urinal. I knew that cool, confident kids had no problem peeing at the urinal, but I'd never done it. I rarely used the bathroom in school, but when I did, I went into the stall and peed there.
One day I went into the bathroom and there were some older kids in there already. I was horrified to picture a scenario where I went into a stall and they saw my pants around my ankles through the bottom of the stall and declared "HA! This kid is too scared to use a urinal!"
So, I went to the urinal. And I pulled down my pants and underwear. And peed with my bare ass in front of them.
Because that was the less embarrassing scenario.
dopadelic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:23:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Former labmate offered to pass my resume around at a new company he was at. I noticed the job description asked for a specific software skill that I didn't have. I got too awkward to ask him about it and just didn't reply. It's been 7 months later and I still don't have a job. He got frustrated with my stupidity and unfriended me on facebook.
el_grort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at a writing course and the guy running it was terrible for names. Got round to me and tried to guess my name, called me Joseph or something. I said "wrong", he heard Ron and that's how I ended up being mistaken for some Rowling character for the rest of the course because I was too afraid of trying to correct the guy again.
wonderwallace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:24:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello world! Made an account just for this question. This year I graduated from college, and was flown down to LA for an interview with a great company. I had a return offer from the company I was working part time during the semester for, but hoped to find a new job to better suit my career goals. Everything went smoothly those few days, but on my flight back, in baggage claim, I saw my current boss. Why was he in LA? Did work bring him down here? Needless to say, I ducked and covered. I followed him to see which gate he was going to, and of course it was my flight back north. I hadn't told him of my interview with this new company, and to avoid sitting next to him on the plane and explaining why on earth I was in LA, I intentionally missed my flight. Keep in mind, the other company paid for this flight. Luckily, I was able to pretend I just missed boarding, and the man at the desk let me on a flight an hour after. I haven't told anyone this, and know it's quite dumb, but I was too fearful to hurt his feelings and did not want to lie to him. Ended up getting the new job, so it all worked out in the end. I still scold myself for how unnecessary that was.
JG_Oh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cashier forgot to give me a drink with my combo and I was too awkward to ask for it. He remembered a lil later and asked me "Hey you want a drink?" but I said no because I had to pretend I never wanted it in the first place. Still thirsty for that drink to this day.
Edit: Just remembered that he even asked me again "Are you sure?" and I said "Yeah I'm good"
noodlesandpizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walking home from school age 12, I had to cross a really busy road. I waited like five minutes for a car to stop and let me pass, but when it did I felt bad that I made them stop. So I would back away from the road and endure the dirty look as they sped off. It wasn't a one-time thing either.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another gentleman and I were looking to pass through the same doorway at the same time. We had the old Canadian stand off of saying โafter youโ, โno, after YOU!โ He held out his hand to gesture for me to go first. I panicked. I grabbed his hand and shook it.
EndOfNothing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeAEiSSDPNA
DownWitBOP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For my senior year at a new school, instead of having to deal with "me: is this seat free? Them : rolls eyes, loudly sighs and scoots over " everyday, I opted to sit on the little hump by the bus driver, generally waiting to be the last one on so I could hurry up and look at my feet to hide my face
DeafeningGiraffes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:26:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once parked outside of a store and waited for over an hour to go in to avoid a run-in with a former co-worker. I quit in a pretty god awful way and did not want to have to talk to anyone who worked there about it.
the_deepest_toot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was younger I was the least confident, most anxious being ever. During my English classes in grade school, we would usually take turns reading from the textbook and one afternoon it was my turn.
With a racing heart and shortness of breath I stuttered my way through the first couple sentences before I told the teacher I couldn't continue because I forgot my glasses and I couldn't see the words. I didn't even wear glasses at the time.
AmayaNakashime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My 11th grade English teacher called me by the wrong name for the entire school year. She found out that wasn't my name the last week of school. She was shocked, "Why didn't you tell me that wasn't your name?!" Me: "Everything in my life is screwed up, might as well let my name be screwed up as well."
ubiquitous_gibbon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk around a whole building complex because I didn't want to be awkward and turn around and look lost.
jjbutts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 13. My Latin teacher was super hot. She was also the girl's soccer coach and had one of those great soccer girl butts. One day she was writing on the board and her shirt lifted up and I could see that she was wearing thong underwear. I got one of those raging 13 year old boners that just wouldn't go away. Class ended and everyone grabbed their stuff and left the room.... Except me. I couldn't stand up. My teacher came over and asked what I was doing.
"uhhh... I don't know. I'm tired."
She grabbed my arm and said, "jjbutts, you have to leave now." she tugged on my arm to get me out of my desk. I didn't know what to do, so I pretended that I pulled my back out and couldn't stand erect (pun not indented, but noticed). So I walked out of the class bent over at the waist, boner still in full effect. I spent the next three days pretending to be unable to stand up straight. To really sell it, each day I stood just a little bit taller, like my back was getting better, but still wasn't 100%. Now, 25 years later, I'd love to know what she knew and didn't. Ms. Handler... If you're out there, call me.
allothernamestaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told her what time it was
la_chouette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:27:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I lost a spelling bee on purpose because I didn't want to be awarded the medal on stage in front of everyone.
Middle school was fun.
mdcandidate2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I met a cute girl during my college orientation but was too shy to ask her out. But then I found out she was majoring in biology for pre med. The day after, I changed my undecided major to biology for pre med. Suffice to say, she didn't go through with it and got a BF (not me) the rest is history.
LilPad93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ate the rawest bloodiest hamburger I've ever seen in my life because I didn't want to say anything and everyone else was eating theirs
crantellium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I grew up in the Bible Belt where itโs pretty much assumed youโre a Christian. There are lots of spontaneous prayers so Iโve done a lot of stupid things to avoid having to pray out loud. I played basketball and the team sat in a circle to hold hands and pray. Each person prayed and it was getting closer and closer to my turn. My heart was pounding and I suddenly jumped up and said I heard my mom calling. They did that circle prayer every game and every game I had to think of some excuse so I wouldnโt have to pray. It became pretty obvious to everyone that I was a heathen.
On time, I was in some group and got called on to pray. I rambled on and on and on because I didnโt know when or how to stop the prayer. โDear Heavenly Father, thank You for gathering us here today. Thank you for all your blessings and for watching over us and keeping us all safe....โ blah blah blah for five minutes. I kept piecing together all these holy meaningless prayer fragments and it was a mess. Finally, I heard nervous laughter and ended it with an abrupt Amen, opening my eyes with my face bright red to see everyone smirking at me.
Beekerboogirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I went ice skating with a group of friends. I was like 14 and a group of cool guys from school were at the rink too so naturally when I fell and slammed the back of my head on the ice I pretended I was fine even though I couldn't see or hear so very good for the remainder of the excursion. Told my mom when she came to pick me up-a trip to the ER confirmed that I had a massive concussion that required follow up for months afterwards.
Also I pretend to be on my phone like, every time I think I might have to interact with strangers in public. But I'm not good at it. My fake conversations consist of loudly saying "REALLY? OH MAN! NO WAY! HA HA HA!" Aaaand repeat.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 15 a friend and I realised that we lived in the same area and decided to walk home from school together. We were deep in conversation as we approached my house but instead of stopping or interrupting the conversation to say that this was my house, we continued walking for another 5 or more minutes until we got to my friends house. My friend then went into her house and I turned around when she could no longer see me and walk back the way we came to go home. After that day I was too awkward to admit to her that I walked past my house because I was too shy to interrupt the conversation to say this was my house.
Tl;dr I was too awkward to interrupt the conversation upon arriving at my house so I walked an extra 10 minutes every day to get home.
GiraffePolka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In english class the teacher called on me to read out loud. I wanted to get through the paragraph as quickly as possible because I hated reading out loud. So I read super fast and didn't take any breaths until my voice got higher and higher and I gasped loudly for air. Everyone turned and stared at me and the teacher looked like he was about to die laughing.
GustingWind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a cashier working at Panera with an Overwatch pin on her hat and I told her I liked the pin.
She asked me if I played and I said โsรญ.โ
Sร
She was a ginger. I donโt know why I did that.
Townpoets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on the preachers daughter when i was growing up. I wanted to seem cool when he was going to come and hang out with our family i ran and got a ice cream cup out of the freezer before i answered the door. Me not knowing i had accidentally got the dog ice cream treat instead. I just took a few bites and tried to pretend i did not make a awkward mistake. After I assume he saw the look on my face he said, u/townpoets. Ummmm are you eating dog ice cream? I was like what?!? No! And ran away with embarassment. The ice cream container said Dog Ice Cream Treat on it. I never noticed
_voidz_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:30:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 7th grade, I needed to take a shit at school so I decided to go at lunch break. Two other guys came in to the bathroom who were in my year. I knew they were the kids of our year who sold food in the bathroom at break because I recognized their voices.
I took longer on the toilet than expected due to reasons unknown to me until this day but I knew there were other people still in the bathroom who could have been the guys from my year that came in to sell food. Since I was too embarrassed to come out and explain why I was in the toilet for 20 minutes, I spent my whole lunch break locked inside of the toilet cubicle.
At the end of lunch break, when I thought it was safe to leave, I emerge from the toilet cubicle and see the two boys who came in at the beginning, both staring right at me.
honncmskfm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have very curly hair and I straightened it during finals week in HS. The schedule was altered for finals and in the middle of class my teacher asked me if I was in the wrong class - about 4 times! In my mind, I was questioning if I was in the right class or if I was in a nightmare but I couldn't say anything. Luckily this kid next to me spoke up and told the teacher I had been there every day. The teacher gave up and sat down with a confused look on his face.
TheWeasel747 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:31:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a concert and the opening band was playing some classic rock, and the lead singer noticed how into the music I was and gave me a signed CD. Later drunk me was buying a drink, when I reached for some Money the CD was in the way so I just tossed it in the trash.....the singer was right next to me.....
NoHaxJustNoob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had an appointment with the dentist, no biggie, the appointment is ~3:30pm and school ended 2pm, after school I have to walk ~3 Minutes to get there... instead of going in and sitting in the waiting room, I stand outside on the parking lot on a rather warm day in my winter coat... best thing is I go in at ~2:40 and after 5 minutes they tell me I could get my stuff done - if a parent of me was there since it was about me getting braces and they couldn't do anything without a signature from my parents... they asked me 4 times in these 50 minutes if my mom had come yet... really awkward...
societysarmpit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so embarrassing but itโs a testament to my awkwardness as a youngster. In the 3rd grade, I asked to go to bathroom bc I had to pee, and when I got to the closest bathroom it was crowded with students and I was too awkward/embarrassed/something to pee so I went back to the classroom, thinking Iโd already been gone for suspiciously long, so still having to pee, I go back and for whatever reason there was a taboo (maybe in my head) about asking to go to the restroom AGAIN, so I did the only logical thing in my elementary school mind and pissed in my jean shorts. Tried to keep it under wraps obviously, but I was caught pretty much immediately. Stood up in front of the class, with dripping wet Phat Pharms jeans shorts, and the โhot girlโ I had a crush on gave me the look of โI didnโt know you were disgusting before but I had my suspicions and now I know...โ
TLDR pissed my pants in elementary school bc awkward.
qwerty12qwerty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:32:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before freshman Orientation for college, we had to select our major online so during orientation we could meet our advisors.
I had wanted to be an Aerospace Engineer for a few years, and selected it online a month in advance. A few weeks later I was clicking other majors to see how the course loads compared, remembering to change it back a few days before orientation.
Show up to orientation, my intro/where to go today packet was pre printed a week in advance. It said "College of Science - Computer Science". The sign in lady said I would have to speak to my CS advisor to have her change my major in the system.
There were maybe 6 CS freshmen that showed up to out reporting room. The last seemed so sad there was so few of us I couldn't break the news.
Graduated last year, have been working in the Software Engineering field for about 18 months now loving every minute of it.
pushkar3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tried to summit Mt. Williamson after a stormy night which brought a lot of snow.
Qubesta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got called Sam at work for 6 months because by the time I realised it was me they were referring to It felt too late to correct them My name is nothing along the lines of Sam
roborabbit_mama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My parents liked to pick my outfits for school photos... otherwise they would have been terrible, I have bad tastes. Anyway, one time in middle school as the teacher was calling roll, she'd look at check off a name, no need to call "here." Well, this time a few students were like "wait, who's the new girl tho?" Out loud. To the teacher. Because she didn't introduce the new student. Me. I'd been there everyday, not a new student. fml.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, my wife. We were climbing Mt. Tallac near Lake Tahoe, and had not seen anyone else all day. The trail is still snowed in and we take a break in the sun to eat lunch. We see a couple below us climbing up a steep section we had just finished. I call out to cheer them on. My wife on the other hand says โKatie?! Is that you?!โ To these random people who were definitely not Katie. We live in Michigan. Katie lives in Michigan. Not sure why she thought this person was Katie. I just stared at her as the couple awkwardly hiked past us.
HalNicci ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm always awkward about what to call people. Like I don't think I have called my mil by a name or anything in the time I've been together with my fiance. And I'm in way too deep to ask now. Like we see each other regularly.
cyclone_madge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:33:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live in a house where my bedroom was right off the kitchen. One afternoon I was in my room with the door closed, and one of my roommate's friends came over. He was having some sort of personal crisis, so my roommate cracked open a couple of beers and they sat down at the kitchen table and talked about it. Eventually it became clear that they weren't going to go out or move to the living room or something, but by that time I'd been sitting there quietly, on the other side of a paper-thin wall, for the better part of an hour. I didn't want them to know I was there in case they thought I'd been eavesdropping (I'd actually put my headphones on to drown them out), so I just stayed there, getting hungrier and hungrier, as they drank beer and talked. I even silenced my phone so it wouldn't give me away, and when my boyfriend called I texted him back that I couldn't talk and we ended up chatting via text messages that night instead. I ended up being stuck in my bedroom for almost five hours before they finally went out to walk the dog, and then I came out of my room and pretended I'd just gotten home. It was pretty ridiculous. But I'd probably do the same thing if it happened again.
awkwardbabyseal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first time visiting Disneyland was as a young adult. My friend's in laws treated us all to a day at the park, and as I was going through the turnstile, I looked at my friend excited and said, "I'm excited to finally visit Disneyland!" (I'd been to other theme parks, so it's not like it was a totally new experience.)
I get through the turnstile, and a park employee about my age approached me with a clipboard and excited greeted me asking, "Hi! Is this your first time visiting Disneyland?!" I turned around quick to find my friend, couldn't see her, and started stammering, "Uh... Uhh... Ahhhhh...." saw my friend and literally just ran to her.
She burst out laughing at my exchange with the canvasser. Yes, I was so caught off guard by his normal question and peppy demeanor that I forgot how words worked, and my anxiety took over.
kalexis12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was shopping with my boyfriend and I found a shirt I liked, so I went to go check out, while checking out the cashier asked me a question, and I had no idea what she asked, so I politely asked her to repeat herself...she repeated the question and I still couldnโt understand it. I just froze and looked at her dead in her face while she repeated the question a few more times. She kept asking, but at that point I was too anxious and had stopped listening and just gave her a dead stare until my boyfriend answered for me.
phenli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work at a lab and for some reason, I'm deathly afraid of the head of HR. I was coming back from the bathroom and noticed she entered the lab (saw her thru the door window) and I panicked and ran to the warm room just a ways down the hall. We have warm and cold rooms to keep our plates or cells etc. at a temp they like. The warm room is 37 degC about 99 degF. I stayed in there for 10-15 min waiting for her to leave while I was sweating like a pig. It was cold that day too and so I was dressed pretty thick and that didn't help. Turns out it wasn't even her. Lol kill me
nottnormal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:34:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always sit in the very first seat behind the bus driver because i get to nervous to walk by everyone and one morning once we got to school he opened the doors for us to get off and i stood up to get off and the whole bus stood up too but i had a panic attack and quickly sat back down and so did everyone else so nobody got off the bus until the driver was like โwhat the hell are you guys doingโ then i got up and practically ran to hide in the bathroom
lovesavestheday82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:35:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a job at Pizza Hut because I had the hots for the assistant manager. Asking him out was too simple; I had to take a crappy job and flirt with him for months.
Kootsiak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once walked into the air conditioner sticking out of the side of a convenience store. I hit it right on the corner of my head, making a huge bang and busting my head open with a streak of blood running down my forehead. I walked into the store to buy some smokes, the cashier asked me if I hit my head on the air conditioner and being too awkward to admit it, I tried to say that the blood on my head was from something else.
I'm normally good with admitting I'm a supreme idiot, but every once in a while, I will jump through hoops to pretend I'm normal at the worst times.
UsernamesR_Pointless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gave $20 to a โMonkโ wandering around pier 39 because I was too awkward to say no and walk away.
plantlady46 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school, I would walk over to the high school to get a ride home (my dad was a high school shop teacher). Naturally, high schoolers were terrifying. Once my dad walked me to the bathroom and waited for me outside in the hall. While I was in the stall, a gang of terrifying high school girls came in. I was too scared to come out while they were there so I waited....but there was always someone else in there so I just stayed in the stall until my dad had to send someone in to get me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to shake hands with a cripple who had a shriveled hand. Instead of doing the logical thing of fist bumping, I clasped his perma-fist with my two hands like I was mourning for him or something.
Oh yea, the guy was a Chase executive and worth a couple dozen of billions. NBD.
Also his son in law was my boss. Totes didn't embarrass myself. I'm cool. No bad.
ElucidatedBrethren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in my late teens/early twenties I was in the passenger seat of my friend's car one night and we were ordering food at a drive thru. We could see the cashier up ahead, and she could see us. My friend and I were stunned at how cute she was, and were talking about it. Well, when we drove up to pay and get our order, another girl had taken over (much to our disappointment). But suddenly the new girl, as she handed us our food, leaned down and pointed at the cute girl and said to me "That girl there is in LOVE with you." I am not exaggerating this next part: I completely lost track of where I was, and the next thing I remember my friend and I were parked in some nearby parking lot. My friend was livid. "Hey, I said, "what did I say to that girl?" I honestly had no idea (I was also stone-cold sober, I might add). My buddy looked at me and replied, with disgust, "You said, "Great! Thanks!"" I was too humiliated to go back.
prettybakedcupcake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went on a date with my bf at the time many years ago to a concert. Proceeded to get wasted on Red Bull and vodkas. Went home with dude and barfed liquid all up in his bed while he was right next to me (empty stomach and that mix was a bad choice anyway). Continued barfing AS IF HE WASNT THERE AND WOULD NOT NOTICE. He asked if I was okay and I said I was because I was too embarrassed to admit what I had just done and wanted to be a โbadass chickโ that could โhandle her booze.โ I then proceeded to turn the pillow over and go to sleep instead of admitting what I just did....magically was laying in clean sheets the next day. Oi vey.
buttermybreadwbutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:36:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accepted Jesus in front of my youth group and let people pray for me, even one on one for a while.
I misheard the person talking and stood up when I heard โstand upโ and I just went with it. For a couple hours.
nicholasyepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is probably the best AskReddit post I have ever seen. My life is a combination of every single one of these things.
gripnippler000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a teenager I had a crush on my best friends neighbor. Stayed over one night with my best friend and we see my crush outside. We were supposed to be in for the night but we snuck out. Didn't put shoes on first and when I got to the sidewalk I stepped on a cigarette butt that someone had just thrown out of their car and had landed on the walk way. I didn't want to embarrass myself by jumping around like an idiot so I just stood there until it went out and tried to keep up conversation while a hole was being burned into my foot.
Gustavius040210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome moment: went to study at a cafe in my hometown. As I was sitting a the bar, a very attractive girl sat next to me. I think she was a year older than me, so I knew of her. We had a lomg conversation, and I was so proud that I didn't make it weird by reading in and asking for her number.
Next day awkward: I was waiting for a book or something at the community college library. She saw me from like 30 feet away, came over, stood in my line of sight and smiled while making eye contact.
I forgot her name, got embarrassed by my shit short term memory, and pretended I didn't notice her.
LambeauLeapt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On choir tour, a male friend and I (I am a girl) ha led this flirtationship wherein I would be standing somewhere and he would sneak up on me and smack my ass. Then I'd catch him somewhere and smack his ass. Fast forward to choir tour at Sea World in San Diego: I see him standing w someone else, watching a presentation on something, so I get extra daring and go up, smack his ass, then grab ahold of one of his cheeks and give it a good pinch and then linked arms w him, all the while laughing hysterically. Only... I look up at his face & it is a complete stranger, who is standing w a lady who is presumably his wife. My face turned 50 shades of red, I stammered unintelligibly, and then finally just ran away. The worst part was as I was fleeing, I see my friend Paul, who had witnessed the entire embarrassment and was rolling in laughter. I still get embarrassed thinking about it.
Kahing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I and a cute girl match on Tinder. SHE INITIATED. She messaged me. I didn't respond.
Yeah, that actually happened.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today at work a guy hit me in the head with a 10 foot piece of conduit. When he felt he hit something, he turned around to see what he hit. I avoided eye contact and continued working just to avoid the awkward โsorryโ and โoh itโs okay!โ Hard hats work.
Wolf_On_Web_Street ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool, I had a massive lump on my forehand due to cystic acne, I asked my parents if I could stay home sick, but this thing wasnโt going away anytime soon and they knew I would have to stay home for a week. I mean it was a knot, probably the size of a Golf ball. Needless to say I go to school trying to avoid eye contact. Everyone started being very concerned. After the first person asked how I hit my head, I started to create a story that kept evolving all day.
The first story story that I thought of was, that I had reached down to the floor to get something and hit my head on a counter top. I then added situations and dialogue around it. Like my mom had just mopped the floors and then I slipped while picking said object off the floor, then hit my head. At the end of the day, I felt like everyone thought it was hilarious that I had hit my head in such a stupid way, but I always had the feeling they never bought it.
TLDR; cystic acne is awful. Especially on your face.
xxxsas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wore a wool coat in a hot room because I was sitting too close to other people to remove my coat. People even asked why I wasnโt taking it off and I lied and said I was cold. I almost died.
vicissitudesben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Started smoking cigarettes because I was too chicken to not follow the crowd (when I was 15)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
jacksawild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not dumb or awkward. British.
hiimkristina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school I would get to school in the morning and I would have no one to sit with so instead I would walk around school pretending to look for someone and shaking my head like "where did that friend of mine get to?!"
Nova-Prospekt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:40:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 friends and I wanted to go to the beach, but we couldnt drive yet so we were going to skateboard there. Unfortunately, I have terrible balance and cant skate very well. My friend offered his bike for me to ride, but I declined it for some reason and decided to go on foot. I had to maintain something between a brisk walk and a light jog to keep up with them the entire 20 minute journey to the beach. There was a point on the way back where they were going downhill and I had to do a full-on sprint to catch up with them
ann102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was raised to use formal titles to anyone older than me. Mr., Ms., Dr., etc. but it felt odd with my boyfriend so I avoided calling them anything. Awkward at first, then it turned into a personal challenge. Only started using their names this year....27 years later. Have to admit, I am sorry to have lost the game. I think they are too.
WickedRiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I held on to the wrapping paper my gift came in at a Christmas party for about three hours. There was a baby gate that I already had trouble opening between me and the kitchen trash, so I didnโt take the chance again. And yes, I did check the bathroom for a trash can and there wasnโt one.
Rodentlove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our high school had "HERO" passes. You got one if you were tardy coming to school. You had to go up to the teacher and show it to them, but unfortunately the lines to get a HERO pass were so long that by the time you got one, class had already been going for almost 20 minutes.
So one day I'm drinking coffee on the way to school, only for me to realize the lid isn't all the way on, and I spill it all over myself. I have to go back and change, and by the time I get to school, the late bell rings when I'm about 20 seconds into my walk to class. Meaning I was on campus already but not in class yet.
Sure enough, the campus supervisors stopped us and made us get in a lime to show our ID for a HERO pass. By the time I finally got mine, 15 minutes had passed and now instead of being 50 seconds late I was 15 minutes late. Also, I had my field hockey stick and bag with me to drop off, but the campus supervisors said I couldn't drop it off now because I was late.
Well, I was too embarrassed to go to class 15 minutes late and stop the class to show the teacher I had a HERO pass and get her to sign it, especially when I was lugging around all my gear. So I headed off into the direction of the classroom but then snuck into a bathroom and proceeded to sit there for the rest of the period. I tensed up when anyone came in, sure that it was the campus supervisor about to bust me, figuring out that I hadn't gone to class. By the time the period was over, my legs were going numb from the toilet seat and because I had put all my gear on my lap so someone couldn't look under the stall and see that I had my gear and figure me out.
Honestly, the hero passes were a terrible system. Treat us like prisoners and embarass us for being 30 seconds late, yep, that'll encourage people to come to school tardy instead of just missing a whole period! /s
skullkid94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I rode the bus like 4 stops past where I wanted to get off because I was the last person on the bus and I guess the driver thought it was empty. Instead of saying something I just coughed loudly. After he realized I was there he pulled over, I thanked him for the ride, and then got an uber to work.
vasnormandee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:41:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My little sister was friends with C and J down the street, and I wanted to hang out with them too but was never invited and was too afraid to ask to join them. I kept coming up with reasons to go "pick up" my sister when it was time to go home, and would linger for conversation before we left. It eventually worked and we were friends for about eight years.
wave33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get really awkward when I don't hear someone well. I was sleeping at this guy's and he asked me if I had some of the pillow. My brain assumed he asked if I was good or comfortable, so I said yeah. He then proceeds to call me out when he notices, "No you don't... Why would you say you do?" My recovery was, "I don't like pillows."
It only got worse. He asked why didn't I just say that, and I said, "Oh um. My hair is big and soft (I do have quite a lot of curly hair) so I didn't even realize."
Had to pretend I didn't want the pillow to fall asleep then and deal with the weird look he gave me.
Kedali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a freshman in high school my mom bought the yearbook for me, but when it came time to go pick mine up, the idea of going and talking to strangers and interacting was too much for me so I just never got my yearbook.
MollyTheDestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was friends with a girl in junior high for three months before I figured out what her name was. We hung out, ate lunch together, sat together all the time- were were stinking close. By the time we started to develop a legit friendship I didn't have the ladyballs to ask what her name was. I eventually found out what it was by having to hand papers back in class and figured it out by process of elimination.
Jeff-Van-Gundy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno who this was more awkward for. A couple weeks ago, I ran into 2 guys i went to middle schoo/high school with while I was out bowling with my cousins. I was bowling next to them for a few frames before they asked if it was me and if I remembered them. They weren't popular kids, i used to make fun of one of them here and there, I didn't recognize that one cuz he went from being 275 to being in good shape and having a big beard. I mentioned how i miss high school and he said, high school sucked everyone was an asshole. I thought about saying, "hey man, im sorry if i was ever a dick to you, i was an asshole back then and i've realized what i thought were harmless jokes back then were actually hurtful." Instead, i decided to stuff those emotions down with alcohol and offered to buy them a round (i was gunna grab a beer for me and my cuz anyway). The guy with the beard offered to buy me one instead, i tried to decline but he came with me anyway. So I ordered 2 beers and he insisted on paying, and took one of the beers. I finished mine and looked over at him and he barely touched his beer. I felt like I bullied him all over again (into paying for my drink and making him drink something he didn't want). We exchanged numbers so I really should hit him up and buy him a drink but I have no idea how to offer since we really never hung out back in the day and don't have anything in common. I haven't been bowling since in the off chance I will see them again
Mr_FoFu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spend two hours wandering around the grocery store looking for chicken salad because I was too awkward to ask for help
lrtrumbull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was staying the night at a friend's house during winter. He ended up falling asleep before me. We hadn't established sleeping arrangements for that night. The normal thing would have been to wake him up and ask for a spare blanket and pillow so I could sleep on a couch. Instead I slept on the floor at the foot of his bed, curled up in a ball with my winter jacket as a blanket.
darlingiknow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school during the winter time I used to hold my breath from my car all the way to the front door because I didnโt want people to think I breathed too much since you could see my breath in the cold.
polokiddprince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to live on a boat and the bathroom on the boat didn't work, so you would have to get up and walk 5 minutes anytime you had to shit or piss (and I felt bad about pissing in the ocean) so one day I had this chick sleeping next to me and it's like 6am and freezing cold outside and I had to piss really badly but didn't feel like getting up so I pissed where I was. I didn't realize how much piss I had in me though, minutes after the deed was done I was like "oh shit I hope this doesn't spread to her side of the bed" I hopped up fast & quietly to change and throw my piss stained boxers into the ocean then grabbed an extra blanket to throw over the wet spot then I start putting my weight on it so it would soak up the piss faster. She woke up 30 minutes later and I refused to move from that spot.
samtherat6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I was staying overnight at a friends house, and I accidentally broke the towel rod in the bathroom. Instead of telling my friend, I popped the lens out of my glasses and told them that I accidentally broke my glasses and need to borrow their screwdriver set and I just fixed the towel rod (and my glasses).
eatanelephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walking to the showers at a campground on a family vacation I passed by a campsite full of cute, older guys. They said hi and I blushed and walked faster. When I was done with my shower I realized I forgot new underwear, oh well. On my walk back I see my underwear lying in the road in front of the guys campsite. As I approach one of the guys says, โI think you dropped something there.โ I awkwardly replied, โOh, those arenโt mine...but Iโll take them anyways!โ and ran off with them. BECAUSE THATS SO MUCH BETTER.
TheDankMemes12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:43:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in elementary school, I went over to a friend's house and for some reason he wanted me to eat this awful beef jerky. When we were playing Xbox, I quickly jammed it into the couch because I didn't want to ask where the trash can was.
am_hungarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When a girl is glancing at me more than once i sometimes get off the public transport when she does or stay until she stays in hopes of some chat or flirt. It always ends up with me staring at her butt while she walks ahead of me and im being late from everywhere
Saint_Fuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my first day at a new job. I work in a restaurant inside a casino and I didn't know my way around and got very lost. I went through a service door that led to and outdoor area that was also a dead end and the door locked behind me. I stood out there for twenty minutes hoping someone would come out there for a smoke because there were cigarette butts all over the ground. When someone finally came out it was the food and beverage director ( he was my bosses bosses boss). He asked me if I was on a smoke break and I panicked and said yeah. He offered me one and I couldn't come clean and be caught in a lie so I just smoked the cigarette. I'd never smoked one in my life. It was horrible.
timMANthy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once walked into the wrong lecture hall and only after filling out the entire scantron form and looking at the first few problems, realized I was taking the wrong econ test. I was so embarrassed and nervous that I just tried my hardest for the entire test and turned it in afterwards.
The professor emailed me a few days later asking why I took that test and after explaining that I was basically just an idiot, I never heard from him again. Hope he got a good laugh out of it.
lucidcheesedream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went over to my friend's house after she had an appendectomy. I spilled sprite on the floor but instead of telling her or asking where I could get a towel, I soaked up the sprite with my sock.
groupieluv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
was at a party the summer going into senior year. went out to my friends car a drunk called another friend of mine. didnโt realize the party was dead and everyone went to sleep. didnโt want to wake up the host to let me in so i slept in my friends car (it was cold that night) and fucked up my back.
BadgerReddit420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm allergic to cats. My girlfriend had several. During sex I got a nosebleed and started dripping and she didn't say anything so I kept going. Eventually she turned on the lamp beside us and we sat awkwardly until I got up and went to the bathroom. She broke up with me.
Wolfgang7990 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool my girlfriend wanted Need for Speed: Underground 2 so I decided to go buy it from Gamestop for her birthday present. I spent half an hour searching for it and finally found it at the bottom of a "used" bin. I was so stoked that I went home to wrap it up only to discover it was a PS2 game and not for Xbox. I was too embarassed to return it and it collected dust in my closet for years. I ended up getting her a lotion and shampoo basket from Bath and Body works. I was fucking broke that summer.
closetofar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:44:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I was walking a new student to the library to get his computer, and I said hi to everyone I could even the kids I didn't know the names, so I said " hey Ricardo, Stacy how you doing, Alex what's up"
xo_stargirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a very obvious crush on this guy and we spent an entire summer hanging out almost all day every day. still, I was too awkward to directly tell him that I liked him. then I was too awkward to ask him why he stopped texting me or wanting to hang out. a few weeks later I FINALLY muster up the courage to be a normal human and directly be like "hey dude, I like you" and apparently he had already decided WEEKS EARLIER that we wouldn't work out and also decided not to let me know.
LettuceWouldntFit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I canโt think of anything I personally did at, the moment I KNOW thereโs something.
Not me but when I was taking Driverโs Ed in high school, I sat beside this boy who I had a huge crush on. The training was like two or three weeks long, after school for a few hours. This boy and I would wait after training together for our parents to come get us, so once he went to check if his parents were there and I assumed he was leaving so I said โBye -name- , see you tomorrow!โ And he paused for a second and was like โBye LettuceWouldntFit!!โ And went outside.
It was early winter so it wasnโt terribly cold but it was still cold. My dad got there like ten minutes later, I went outside just as dudeโs parents pulled up and I see him trek through the snow by some treeโs to go to his parents car without looking at me. I felt really bad.
Tl;dr - not me but a boy I liked waited in the cold because I said Bye to him prematurely.
sexaddic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let a drunk dude give me a bj at a party
Larzar123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:45:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was born with a stammer and it's lead to some pretty awkward moments. One time I was trying to tell a girl I liked her. I'm awkward and shy anyway but when I tried to tell her I stammered and stumbled all over my words so she didn't understand a word I said. When she asked me to repeat it I just said "I really like toilets" apparently one part of my brain wanted to confess again while the other wanted to abort and ask something weird to get away. Sadly both responses mixed together into a weird and awkward mess. So I had stopped her on the walk home from school and told her about my apparent love for toilets. Fml.
brahbarian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in 7th grade first day of class everyone sat in single seat desks. I didn't know anyone in that class so I kept to myself. A few weeks in the teacher had arranged the room and instead of single seat desks he had long tables where we could sit in groups. A few days later a few single seat desks that the teacher had moved out were moved back for space else where. The teacher said we could move back to the single seat desk or just stay in our group setting. I thought a few people would move..... Nope. Just I. I stood up all by myself in front of the class and moved to a single desk whilst everyone else stayed at the group arrangement. I'm sure I was very red. I felt the heat coming off my back in embarrassment.
jonysc1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My in laws live-in a farm, one day we arrived at their house as a surprise (it's a 10 hour drive) early in the morning , my wife went straight to bed and I was dying to take dump so went straight to the first bathroom I could find.
Their house has a weird layout, the bathrooms are far from the bedrooms, and the house is mostly empty for 11 months so they only use one bathroom, and it was not the one I was doing my business, so the TP roll had just a tiny bit of paper on it.
So with my wife in the land of dreams and both my in laws roaming around the house I was not about to call out for help, I thought about sacrificing some non critical pieces of clothing to the poop God but I'm 100 sure they would notice a poop stained boxers or socks in the can (South American here)
So I used my creativity and macgeyvered some tp from what was available , I took the roll dismantled it, peeled the cardboardy looking paper and used that,
But it wasn't enought so I procured a sealed box of soap, those that come in a square box wrapped in some silky paper stuff, I took the box and dismantled it. The box wouldn't peel like the roll so I used the hard cardboard to further help the cleaning process and finished with the soft paper that wrapped the soap for a surprisingly soft and perfumed finale
My asshole never felt so many different sensations in a day
disenchanted_youth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lied to my coworkers about my age for a whole year.
ExcessiveSock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in line to get some food with my aunt after my sisterโs ceremony for Spanish honors society. I was wearing a jacket that had its right pocket open, so stuff would fall right through.
As Iโm awkwardly trying to get some food I notice my food dropped my phone that was in that pocket. My aunt realizes, but I donโt want to go back because of the line of people behind me. She started getting annoyed by how stupid I was being for not going back and picking up my phone, but I really insisted on not getting t because my crush was a few feet behind me and I didnโt want to bend down and look for my phone for wherever it was. In the end, the phone was only a few feet away from where I was haha
Wallfullawafulls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm an amateur driveway mechanic. When I my first oil change on my car by myself, I was terrified to buy the filter. I thought that I wouldn't know answers to questions they had or would judge me for not knowing as much as other customers about cars. Turns out they were very helpful and patient with me and I got over it very quick.
Sgt_Grumble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a school, and the other teachers and I all went out to lunch after a professional development. There was a bowl of edamame. I thought they were sugar snap peas so I was trying to eat them with shells on. I succeeded...but it was disgusting. I realized my mistake after a few edamames....but I was too awkward to stop eating them like that because I didn't want to admit my mistake.
al-why ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is something I still do to this day. If I'm at a restaurant and someone with me or even around me orders something, I, for some reason, absolutely MUST order something different. I take an extra five minutes looking at menus than everyone else because I have to have fifty backup orders in case everything else is taken. All of this would probably be solved if I would just order first.
hgoel0974 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite thing about this is that so many of us are so awkward, but I have yet to see another person do the second awkward stuff.
_greatqueenrat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school, I was extremely shy. So shy, that one day at lunch when I forgot a spoon, I made one out of the foil that had been used to wrap something else in order to avoid getting up and walking to the lunch line and risk people seeing me and think I was cutting in line.
Arithik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I moved to a new school and it was in the middle of the semester or whatever. When it came time for gym class, I just went to the bathroom during that time. I showed up once the first day, but I was so shy, and no teacher was around so I said screw it. The whole year, when it came that time, right to the bathroom. It was odd, too. The teacher that ran gym also taught my Science class. It turned out alright, I got an A for gym.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:47:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was in a public bathroom for some reason it got crowded and there was a line behind me waiting to get paper towels. The pressure was too much for me so I rolled out some paper towels and left without using them.
HotwheelzFFX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First day in the cafeteria as a freshman in college. I was holding a whole tray of lunch and beverage in one hand while trying to open a bread drawer located low below my knees. Spilled the whole tray in the bread drawer. Just closed it and left.
vVvMaze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but I had a friend visit me once and she took a shower while I was out and realized she didn't have a towel. So instead of asking me where a towel was, she just stood naked in the bathroom until she air dried.
Incongruent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Arrive at party that looks to have many good friends and seems like a good time.
2) 15 minutes in, I sense an imminent poop.
3) Leave party, saying nothing to anyone.
kendra4444 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:48:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I lost my first tooth in kindergarten I hid it in my sock all day rather than tell the teacher
RamenTheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a grade-wide social gathering in high school at a house I'd never been to, and before I went up to the door, I texted my mom to ask her if it's normal to knock on the door or just go in
I_am_Master_Cmander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In grade one all the toilets were taken and so were the urinals and I didnโt wanna be excluded from the class pee so I peed right into a garbage can.
Had detention for a week
magnummentula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
16 year old me went with a couple of friend and my girlfriend at the time to a no name underground screamo concert which was not my scene but I went regardless. Part way through the second bands set the lead singer sees me standing there 6 feet tall and motionless infront of the mosh, right next to the stage. So in an effort to try and get me amped or something, he grabs my shirt and screeches whatever lyrics in to my face. Our faces were inches away from each other and the mic even closer, so my inner 4 year old too over and so I blew a raspberry in the mic and his face. Apparently my friend, who was in the bathroom during this experience, though someone had gently farted into the microphone.
tek314159 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the end of summer right before middle school, we had a school camping trip including a dip in a lake. Teachers say anyone who canโt swim has to wear a life jacket. I canโt swim, so I grab a vest and do some floating around. For some unknown reason, the girl I have a crush on and some other kids I donโt know that well wander over and ask, in some level of disbelief, if I canโt swim. I answer awkwardly, โof course I do, itโs just relaxing to float.โ
The next week, first day of PE, the teachers ask all students who canโt swim to step forward so they can get swimming lessons separately. Bad luck, I have PE with my crush. Remembering what Iโd said at the lake, I donโt step forward to protect the lie. Somehow, amazingly, I manage to get through PE that year while โforgettingโ my swim suit whenever we have aquatics and still pass the course. Downside is I didnโt learn to swim for several more years after that.
thekeyboardhero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At work I got on the elevator to take my bike up to my office. Forgot to press the button for my floor. So when we passed my floor and stopped at another floor, I just got out and carried my bike all the way down the staircase to my office to avoid having to wait inside the elevator with other people while it went all the way up and back down
DilbertDaBomba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told a girl I like her.
She didn't immediately respond with a Yes.
I (being in middle school) panicked.
Told her it was a prank.
And she didn't talk to me for the remainder of that year.
RazzleDazzleBerryJam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was looking through my camera role to show some vacation pictures, and the split second before I switched from camera roll to the album I was looking for, the guy behind me saw my nudes and freaked out. The normal thing probably would've been to just ignore that it happened but he had dated a friend of mine who showed me some pictures of him. I tried to make him feel less weird about it and the first I said was "it's okay, now we're even cause I've seen your penis" Was not the right thing to say...
r3kRu1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Skipped lunch in high school because i cannot eat alone with other people in the same room
stuckonadyingplanet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a dumb kid my cousin closed a car door on my hand. Instead of saying something I calmly climbed out of the window which luckily was down, and opened the door from the outside releasing my crushed hand. I held back tears the entire time, I have no idea why or how I did that.
SleevelessArmpit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When someone is talking to you because he knows who you are and you're just sitting there trying to remember his/her name. And you're just saying yes awkwardly laughing etc
tarceth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college I was running late to class, so I threw on some clothes and swished an excessive mouthwash as I ran out the door and down the sidewalk. A car pulled over beside me, rolled down the window, and some parents of a potential student asked me which way to the such-and-such building, which happened to be on the other side of campus. Instead of spitting the mouthwash out and excusing myself for being a normal college student, I swallowed it and gave them directions. This was a poor choice on my part, especially not having eaten that morning...
SpooksTheWombat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day I ended a conversation with a friend with "I ate a burrito for lunch earlier and I really have to go to the bathroom" instead of just saying that I had to go, because I didn't want her to think I wasn't interested in her explanation on baking bread and all of the kitchenware that she just bought. She pointed it out too, "you could've just said that you had to go hahaha.."
I'm 20 pls send help.
Sterngirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hid in the closet while maintenance men were in my apartment.
whose_got_the_stuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8 I forgot I had a soccer practice after school so I didn't tell my mom she needed to pick me up, but I decided to go anyway. I didn't have a phone back then so to call her meant I would have to explain what happened to my coach. Instead of doing that, after practice was over I just waved to my coach I was leaving and tried to walk 12 miles back to my house. I didn't even make a mile before my mom had heard and drove in to find me walking along the side of the road.
marsden7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm taking a dump and someone knocks on the stall, I lean forward as much as I can and sumo-shuffle towards the door so I can knock instead of grunting or talking or whatever.
ModKate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to feel embarrassed when I ate anyone else's food. So I had a sleep over when j was like 10 and didn't eat anything the whole team. Except the one time there were dinosaur shapes nuggets and I snuck them into the tree house and ate them there.
reachingforthestarss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at my friend's house and her mom was about to drop me back home. My friend had just given me some weird gum she got during her visit to Japan. I sat in the car and put it in my mouth and it immediately melted and started sticking to my mouth. It tasted disgusting. Instead of asking my friend's mom to run back home and spit it out, I took it out of my mouth and figured I'd just hold it in my hand the entire time. Unlike regular gum, this gum was a sticky mf. Before I knew it, both of my hands were covered with gum that refused to come off. My friend's mom asks us to buckle up before she started driving and I awkwardly grabbed the seatbelt, trying to prevent the gum from sticking to it and ruining their car. I couldn't actually buckle it in all the way because of the gum being literally everywhere oh my hands so I held the belt by my side the entire drive with only the tips of two of my fingers pretending it was on so I don't get yelled at by my friend's mom or ruin her car.
jimjim1992 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in middle school my friend was grounded, so no friends over, but his mom didn't normally get home until 6. So we were illegally hanging out and his mom comes home early, so naturally I hide in the closet and my friend says he'll try to distract her so I can leave. About 15 minutes go by and I hear his mom come into the room, cleaning or something. She opens the door to the closet, screams, then realizes it's me and just tells me to go home. Queue awkward walk away.
Halseyhaus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For the first three and half years of my fiancรฉ and iโs relationship I managed to somehow avoid addressing his parents directly, because they never told me how they prefer to be addressed, there were definitely a few awkward moments and I could have totally handled that better.
fhuckatron5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I clogged a toilet at a friend of a friendโs house. They were kindly letting us spend the night on a cycling backpacking trip. I looked everywhere for the plunger. (We stayed in their basement) I still couldnโt find it. I then proceeded to do the unspeakable and put my arm way up into the toilet to loosen up the turds. It kinda worked but my arm smelled like shit for the remainder for the trip. Good times
Arc_Nexus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally yesterday, wanted to go into the shared kitchen at my work to retrieve my food from the microwave, saw someone else through the slightly translucent door and instead went to the bathroom, because I couldn't go back to my office or it'd look weird when I came back without my food. I waited in there listening for the kitchen door for about 3 minutes before it clicked that they could be waiting for the person to collect their food from the microwave as it was finished. Finally I just decided to go in, when exactly as I open the door, they come out, and we both opened the door at the same time.
In short, tried to avoid a slightly awkward kitchen meeting, instead found myself in a significantly more awkward kitchen scuffle.
For clarification, the kitchen is about 2 people large.
debbieJohnson3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say Whaaaat...??
ImmyMirk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buried but, here goes. Fancied girl A, so naturally bought a v.day card and rose for girl B, so people wouldn't know i liked girl A.
StarryeyedFTM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was travelling to Germany for the first time. I flew into Frankfurt and had to take the train to Bochum. The loudspeaker said "next stop, Bochum" and an elderly couple got up and walked over to the door and so I followed suit. The door opened and the elderly couple didn't move and so I just stood there and the doors closed.I guess they were getting themselves ready for the stop after Bochum but I was too nervous to say "excuse me" so I had to get off at the next stop and explain I messed up in a English and they put me back on another train. This could have gone so badly as I was meeting someone in Germany and had no phone number cause I was young and dumb.
littlexbones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:55:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a water park with my 3 friends and 1 of their mom. When we were leaving, everyone else had already gotten in and i was laying my towel down in my seat to not get it soaked. She didbt realize and started to drive away and ran over my toes. The problem was, she stopped the car when she realized i wasn't in yet, but stopped so the car was on my foot. It didnt hurt too much, but i was stuck. Everyone was laughing and talking for a bit with each other and making fun if the mom. I was too shy to say anything. Then they all looked at me and asked why I hadnt gotten in yet. I just kinda looked down and went, "I cant get in, my foot is under the car tire"
Cue my frinds mom hystsrically crying as she backs up off my foot and they drive me to the emergecy room. Bruised my foot but otherwise A-Okay. My friends still get pissed when they ask why I didnt say anything. I just felt bad her mom had to drive me to the hospital tbh.
brookelovesunicorns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I let someone call me Becca, because I was too awkward to correct her and tell her that my name was Brooke. My sister ended up correcting her for me
everyone_is_blue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Held my pee for 10 hours during a flight, cause I had a window seat and the people seating in the next two seats fell asleep as soon as we took off. Regret not taking the opportunity during meal time..
everyone_is_blue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Held my pee for 10 hours during a flight, cause I had a window seat and the people seating in the next two seats fell asleep as soon as we took off. Regret not taking the opportunity during meal time..
Rhy_s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in my first grade of school lots of kids were asking to go to the bathroom so the teacher set the rule that no one else it to go to the toilet unless they were really busting. Me being the shy person I am and not wanting to be that kid who was really busting, was too scared to tell the teacher and the whole class that I was really busting, so I decided to pee my pants.
nsweezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time i was shipping a package, I was specifically told by my father to get insurance for a $50 value enclosed in the package. I walked in and asked for normal shipping and no insurance because I didnโt want the UPS people to ask about what was in the box. The next week we found out it was lost in shipping and we didnโt get money back because it wasnโt insured.
whoevendidthat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:57:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grade 1 or so. Walking down the hallway at school when my first crush starts walking down the other end of the hallway in my direction. The only people in the hallway were us and two teachers that were having a conversation on the left side of the hallway. I don't know why but I panicked and swerved wide to avoid pretty girl and walked right in between the two teachers, who were standing pretty close to each other, and I basically shoulder-checked both of them. Got in trouble for that one.
arynspacemuseum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I broke my arm / had stitches in 4th grade but was too shy/ embarrassed / nervous to tell my classmates and teachers, so I wore a sweatshirt every day and kept it a secret. I did PE every day and just awkwardly avoided using both arms. We were playing tunnel tag one day (like freeze tag but when you are tagged you are frozen and someone has to crawl under your legs to unfreeze you). I was pretty fast, and one of the only people not frozen. Everyone kept calling my name to unfreeze them and I would pretend like I didn't hear and keep running around because I couldn't crawl. I remember making eye contact with someone and just looking away. Everyone was so confused. I was also the shy girl so it just solidified that
Note, I had super relaxed parents who didn't think to write me a note
_CTHULHU__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a gas pump on the correct side of my car, second guessed myself then went to a pump on the other side. Got out, realized my mistake and drove home to try and save face.
conkellz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was talking to a girl at a music festival, I asked he name and she almost threw up. I immediately said "hello, barf noise" My friend still gives me shit about it.
Beginners963 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh ... i went to the bathroom stall during my lunch period because i didn't want to sit in a big hall filled with people and that was an unusual, new thing for me at that time. When someone came in i just played a fart noise with my phone but only after they noticed me.
I did this for the first half of my stay in the U.S.A. ...
Hutchmonton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TL;DR - Immigrant here, never used a whipped cream canister; threw a thanksgiving party and waited ten minutes watching everyone use it to figure it out, couldn't, looked like an idiot, tried to pretend I didn't want it anyways.
So a little background - I immigrated to Canada quite a few years ago, and my family is originally from a south asian country. I lived in 5 different countries before moving here, but somehow never used a can of whipped cream before a Thanksgiving party that my (then) girlfriend and I had at our place. So it's time for dessert (pumpkin pie) and everyone is using the whipped cream canister and getting beautiful piles of whipped goodness on their pie, while I'm standing in a corner watching them, trying to figure out how the hell they operate the canister, not wanting to ask for fear of looking like an idiot. Finally it gets to a point where I can't delay it any further so I go for it, only to be dumbfounded by the lack of a button to press, so I try to pretend that I didn't want it anyways, but just end up looking like an idiot as I waited ten minutes to get the damned whipped cream in the first place.
My girlfriend (now wife) is from here and was unaware that I had never used a whipped cream can before, and finds this story hilarious.
LTailsL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Purchased a large amount of sandwiches by accident and became temporarily Reddit famous before soiling my fame in a blaze of shit posts/edits.
FxckinUndead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to be in a boot camp/cadet program. We slept outside in sleeping bags and in the middle of the night I wake up with an urge to use the restroom. Not wanting to wake up the officer or the other kids, I peed in the sleeping bag and layed in my own piss until the morning when they had to hose me down.
Mistersunnyd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:01:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I shit myself
JustadudefromHI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ran for President as a joke to sell books and start a media network and they elected me.
O5Beta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've sat in a stall for over 20 Mins because I didn't want to rip ass in front of the guy in the other stall. Ive also flushed the toilet 5+ times so I can rip ass with the sound of the toilet flushing. Its a good tip lol
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I refused to wear a jacket in the cold because I had just bought the jacket and didn't want to wear it out in the open because I hadn't seen if it fit me well at home yet and didn't want to risk looking dumb.
I didn't leave my apartment for 6 months( then left without a word because I was scared of talking to my roommates about important things and going outside for job interviews. I do go out once a week or so for shopping but it was always the same store. It didn't help that I was basically alone in a new city but ughh.
Tittysprinkle97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got in an elevator with a girl a couple weeks ago and she had headphones in, so I thought she was listening to music. She doesn't look at me and says "have a good day" as she's getting off the elevator as I then realize she's on the phone with someone, but that wasn't enough time for me to try to say "you too" which came out as me saying "yih"
KellyJTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in third grade I had to take a leak really badly. The class was almost over so I decided to hold it in. After a while I couldn't hold it in so I just asked the teacher if I could go. I had just closed the classroom door and instantly peed myself and a kid I knew saw me and told me to tell the teacher. I didn't and instead waited until I got home soaked in piss.
Sukhdev_92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My driving instructor pronounces my name wrong. Both my sisters and my brother have tried subtlety correcting him. This didn't work and he still calls me suckdev every time I run into him. I've just accepted it now.
Snuffleysnoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:03:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sat in my room for 50 minutes with a face mask on because I was too awkward to go to the bathroom and wash it off because I might have been seen by my housemates.
anonymoose532 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spanish class in high school. I wasn't paying attention and I was/am horrible at Spanish. The teacher asked a question in Spanish and we were to go around the classroom and answer in Spanish. The question was something along the lines of "Are you going to Homecoming this weekend, and are you bringing a date?" I thought the question was something like "What are you doing this weekend?" Well that weekend was my younger sister's Bat Mitzvah! So I answered something along the lines of doing something with my sister and family. The entire class started giving me strange looks, but I just went with it and talked about my sister and family. After the question passed on to the next person, one of my friends whispered to me "you are taking your sister and family with you to Homecoming?" .......oops
muffiniecake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm a twin and more than a few times, Iโm ashamed to admit, I was called by my sisterโs name and just didnโt correct them because they had already started in on whatever they were going to say and it just felt like too awkward to correct them after a certain amount of hesitation. I would nod and smile and go along with it and just pretend to be her. She does the same thing sometimes. Weโre a mess
frickfracksnack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason as a kid I mixed up left and right a lot. I was getting a ride home from my friend's mom and she asked "right or left" and I said left instead of right. Obviously I couldn't admit the mistake like a normal person, and proceeded to make up a bunch of random directions, growing more and more anxious with each turn, until I picked a house at random and got out. She talked a lot about how nice the area was and how it must be nice to live there, etc, etc. The house ended up being further away than my friend's house was to my own, and I walked the whole distance.
This ended up compounding because I then started to avoid that friend after school, for fear of my lie being exposed.
NicoNicoPink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If anyone ever sees me doing something weird/dumb, I continue doing it as they watch so they think it was on purpose
Edubs42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I'm not awkward, just a nerd
MrBulldops1738 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:06:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Left my coat at at party cause I had already said "Goodbye" to everyone and didn't want to do it again. It was winter.
ThuperThlayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watching Reckful and Soda do their IRL stream in Japan. You get a lot of examples :P
Syncite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walk back home from school because I get anxious or something to take the truck back home filled with kids I am not familiar with. It was a 1-2 hour walk in a country of permanent summer weather and I'd rather do that than talk to people I guess.
pen_pineapple23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once knew a guy who couldnโt poop unless if he was completely naked. So one time when he was at work, the power went out and he had to poop. so he went into the dark warehouse at his work, stripped down and shit in a cardboard box and then proceeded to carry the box around all day until he could properly dispose of it.
anonymous-horror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to work at Arby's. I was fetching the cookies and turnovers from the walk-in freezer, and the door shut. This was normal. Well, when I went to open the door from inside with the little button thing, the door was stuck. Instead of kicking it, knocking, or shouting for my shift manager, I decided to just sit there thinking that maybe someone would come looking or come get something from the freezer. It was five whole minutes before I called the store and pathetically asked for someone to let me out of the freezer.
artetak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got stuck in a dressing room at Target.
Climbed out from under the stall and very quickly left.
Mat_the_Duck_Lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jumped through a second story window onto an outside roof because I was drunk as piss and mad that everyone in front of me were too chicken to climb out. Turned out fine, except I tore open an old scar on my leg and bled a little. I then helped everyone else out.
Also, insisting I walk home at 4 am in the middle of the night, when I lived across town which was 4 miles because I didnโt want to inconvenience anyone by crashing at their place or having a sober person have to drive me. I do this one a lot.
Colt45and2BigBags ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before I worked at my job, there was apparently a guy who looked like me but with dreads. All the old ladyโs that come through here think that Iโm the guy.
They usually start conversation with me and by the time I realize theyโre mistaking me for him I just go along with it and tell them I had to cut the dreads.
So from time to time I have to pretend Iโm some guy Iโve never met because Iโm in too deep to turn back.
ViragoLunatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 5, I was playing in a pool with my siblings while my grandma watched us. At some point, I really had to go to the bathroom, but I was too awkward to ask my grandma. I shit myself in a hotel pool. It probably was closed for a whole day or two after that, but my parents didn't stick around to find out and we switched hotels.
asterinyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:09:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back when I was in school, I didn't eat the whole day, so there was a lot of gas in my stomach that I needed to fart out. In between classes, I felt the urge to take a shit, so as soon as I sat on the toilet seat, I released it.
Not just my poo, my anus let out a 15 second, musically screaming beat boxing train of poo and air. I tried so hard keep it soft because there were these two girls outside and they sounded like my classmates, but they were gossiping and heard the noise, which led them to openly talk about it too. Mortified, I didn't get out until they left, but girls can take forever when they're gossiping in the toilet.
Prometheus_brawlstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:10:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Girl sent a note asking me out. Promptly ripped it up and pretend like I never got it.
TheNamesRolanQuarn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boss called me into her office, of course, when I heard she was looking for me I got nervous as fuck. "What did I do?", I repeated constantly.
Anyway, went to her office, no big deal, she just wanted to chat about work related stuff.
For some reason though, I was still nervous as fuck and when I got up to leave I put out my hand for her to shake hers and said "nice to meet you".
She looked at me like I had ten heads, a suuuuuper long awkward silence ensued, then she said "OK, that's all".
For that whole week I couldn't stop replaying it over and over in my head. "Nice to meet you". Good jaysus.
KrackerJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once got all muddy while paying in the yard of a friends house when I was nine. My friends step mom wanted me to take a shower before I went home so my mom wouldn't be mad at her. She walked me into the bathroom with a fresh towel showed me where the soap was and all that and walked out. I felt so awkward about the idea of showering at a friends house that I just snuck out and walked home.
TheNihil048 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I set a record every time I engage in social interaction.
qwerty-yourself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:12:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please no one judge me for this.
I was 12 and my dad and I were bringing groceries back for my grandpa who had early Alzheimers. My dad hands me the bag of ice and tells me to put it in the freezer downstairs. The freezer is really old, 70s maybe. The freezer was covered by snow and ice shit and the bag of ice wouldn't fit. I naturally went completely braindead and put the ice in the fridge instead. A few hours later, my whole family is gathered downstairs, standing over a massive puddle of water, the old family fridge totally destroyed. They ask what happened and I say the worst thing of my life.
"It was probably grandpa. I asked him to do it and he must have had an episode."
So much shame. Why didn't I just say it was me instead of throwing my poor grandpa with brain deterioration under the bus?
qwerty-yourself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happened again, too. I accidentally put these weird cloth placemats on the table instead of napkins. My uncle asks who set the table, joking about how they fucked up the napkins. Embarrassed, I said my grandad did it. Throughout the whole dinner, my uncle quietly cracked jokes with me, saying the napkins "kept wagons covered on the Oregon trail" and things like that, thinking I was in on the joke. I just sat there and took it, stewing in guilt as my uncle essentially humiliated me without knowing.
my_nameis_kim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once ordered a chocolate ice cream cone from the ice cream truck guy and he was on the phone and he gave me a vanilla cone and when I opened my mouth to say that isnโt what I want because I donโt like vanilla, I said thank you and ate it
the_tupacolypse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Poop
DepecheALaMode ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OOH i got one that happened yesterday! I was doing laundry in my apartment which is the floor below me. On my way back up, I decided to take the stairs because the elevators take forever. What I didn't know, is that the doors are all locked from the outside, except the first floor(im on the 19th). So I'm now trapped in the stairwell and since I have a cold I'm not in the mood to walk 19 flights of stairs. I see a girl come out of her room but was stupidly too awkward to knock and have her let me in. I, instead, waited about 20 mins, missing my only chance before my buddy came up to open it for me
Stumpedmytoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked 15 miles instead of hitchhiking
Viscousmilk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:14:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A few weeks ago I started getting off the after school bus at a different stop so I could get home faster, turns out I have a shitty sense of direction/distance so it actually takes a minute or two longer than getting off at my actual stop. Rather than accept I made the mistake that one time, I continue to get off at the wrong stop and speed-walk to my house before my bus can pass me because I feel too damn awkward to admit to my mistake and just get off at the right stop :)
Narwhalballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason, when I spent the night with a girl after watching movies together, I thought that that I should leave my jeans on and go right to sleep. In my defense, I may have been drinking, and we have now been married for 10 years. She also still makes fun of me.
meagan724 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sat smiling silently on a 12 hour flight while a nice Dutch couple sat next to me talking and laughing nonstop. It should be noted I am blonde haired blue eyed American and do not speak a word of Dutch, but I had no Idea what to say or do besides nod occasionally which only seemed to encourage them more.
doctor-gongora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mispronounced a word, instead of ignoring it like a logical person I proceeded to somehow mix said word with all the other words in my sentence. Girl I was talking to thought I was having a stroke
AMultitudeofPandas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:16:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Already posted but just remembered another, worse one. When I was young (like 5/6 years old) I had a friend that lived waaaay out in the boondocks and I always got nervous when I spent the night because it was really far from home (once we watched movies on the drive back when those dvd players that are on the back of the seat were a new thing, we watched the entire Aquamarine movie with time left over), and also the mom was pretty strict. Not like "what are you doing" every 5 seconds strict, but like "I told you to play outside, come inside this house one more goddamn time and I'll beat your ass" strict.
When she told us to go to bed, it meant we could not leave that room for the rest of the night, for any reason. If we were quite enough we could do what we wanted, but one time we broke a table and man was that a loud speech we got. This particular time, I had to pee really, really bad. I was far to old for accidents at this point, but I was about to have one. My friend and I conferred, and decided it would not be a good idea to leave her bedroom and go to the actual bathroom, despite it being directly across the hallway from her bedroom. So I peed in the trashcan. And the next morning when it got thrown away, the bag was leaking. We did not tell her what happened.
Sketch_Study ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me an underclassman goes to do a football workout over break like we're supposed to. I went earlier then my friends just to get it over with. I put my phone in the corner and workout. Halfway through seniors come in and for some reason pick up my phone. I instantly knew what was happening. "Is this yours?" Ahhhhh no. They spent a good minute laughing at my wallpaper of a chicken nugget shaped perfectly like a revolver. Instead of owning my lie, I spent an extra 30 minutes to an hour destroying my muscles waiting for them to leave.
Vhyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not mine, but where's that classic greentext about the guy who didn't want to get caught for driving drunk when he was pulled over, so he stabbed himself with his own knife instead.
Kyle918 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever did that thing where you and someone going towards you in a hallway keep moving the same way trying to get past each other? I did that crossing the road but instead of another person it was a FedEx truck.
Kapuman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend told me that she got approved to have an emotional support dog in her dorm room, and without thinking I blurted out "Cool, what do you need it for?"
The_lords_true_bubba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve committed to having a glass of orange squash with a spoon of coffee in it by mistake at work on a break. I worked on the checkouts and in the staff room being dosey I automatically put coffee in with it.
Most people wouldโve owned up to the mistake and got another, however my retarded brain led me to thinking people would judge me for the mistake thereby making just drinking the horrid concoction a better alternative. No one saw, however it wasnโt a pleasant blend.
theb1g ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife is West Indian and said throw down the laundry. Meaning take it downstairs from our second floor apartment for her to pick up. She waits about ten minutes before coming upstairs to see some trying to get a 60lbs laundry bag out of the window.
limelight022 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around '91 or so my aunt/uncle/cousins were visiting. I invited one of my cousins to play double dragon at the local Great Scott. It was a short trip, less than 5 minutes. I had two bikes so we both rode over there. Right as we got to the front of the building my cousin was behind me and said "check this out!"... He was looking at me and wasn't paying attention to the handicapped sign and ran right into it. He hit this thing hard, folks. It made a loud banging sound and then the sign kept wobbling back and forth. He starting crying and screaming so I quickly rode back to the house to let my parents know. I get back to the house and they are all on the back patio having a conversation, so I let them talk for a few minutes and my mom said, "you look concerned, is everything OK?". I simply replied, "No... Ryan hit a handicapped sign riding over and he's hurt really bad. He's on the ground crying and screaming." A blank stare from my dad, mom, aunt and uncle for a second then they all get up and go help him. Later on my parents asked me why I waited to say anything and I just simply said I didn't want to interrupt them talking.
like_a_horse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pregame and go out to a party with my friends only to leave almost immediately after arriving because otherwise I just kind of stand around awkwardly
Naganofagano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:19:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my brother. He has his regional managers and other bosses on his fb. One day he writes a status that he's won some huge jackpot at the casino (it was a joke, never happened) but the managers are replying saying "wow! Lucky, congrats" etc. Brothers too awkward to admit to them it was a lie so he begs my sister to reply on his status saying that she "hacked his fb and wrote it." She refuses. So he writes another status himself saying that his fb was hacked by his sister and she tricked people into thinking he'd won money. He's like 32.
deafblindmute ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One night I was coming home late from soccer practice or some such thing and I hopped on the bus from the subway to my house. I promptly fell asleep. I woke up bleary eyed and confused, and I didn't recognize where I was. Instinctively, I pulled the cord to call for a stop so that I wouldn't have too far to walk back to my house. It was at this moment that I realized the bus hadn't even gotten one block away from the subway station. Too embarrassed to talk to the bus driver and explain, I just got off the bus as if I had only wanted to ride half a block and then walked the 40 minute walk home.
Additional thought that I only just realized all of these years later: it would have been faster for me to walk back to the subway, wait for the next bus, and ride home, but I didn't even think to do that either.
nitro149 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I go back home for holidays people confuse me as one of my two brothers. I will carry on a conversation because I feel awkward telling them I'm not the person who they think I am.
loptthetreacherous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had one piece of chewing gum left and a complete stranger came up to me and asked me if he could have one . . . naturally I gave him the last one.
samylam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A little late here, but when I was ~10 my grandfather was in town and sleeping on the couch in the living room. I needed to pee, but didn't want to wake him up, so instead, I peed into a bin full of toys. Commence two weeks of cleaning the bin whenever my parents weren't home to get rid of the smell so they wouldn't find out.
therealslomsheedy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last week I walked passed an old university friend who I haven't seen in about 10 years. Instead of stopping and catching up I just awkwardly pretended to look like I was in a hurry and yelled "I have things to do, catch up soon!" Again, haven't seen her in 10 years.
Also yesterday I took a 30minute detour home from work so I didn't have to stop at the traffic lights next to my co-worker. I'm actually really good friends with them too.
fox-eyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a girl scout when I was in elementary school. The first time we went legit camping there was a latrine that we had to use. I had never used one before and it scared the daylight out of me. The hole freaked and grossed me out, I was afraid of spiders and bugs that could be hiding in there, and it was even freakier at night. Well, I don't remember how long it had been, must've been just the first whole day, I straight up avoided using the bathroom. We had finished dinner and everyone was in line for the latrine and I kept moving to the back of the line. Eventually everyone went and left and I was too freaked out to go in. I pissed my pants standing right in front of the latrine. My leader was so mad at me.
TangToTheMoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:22:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 7 I was with my family, picking up one of my grandmother's friends from the airport. She had these really weird bags, it had some strap like a bungee cord, and occasionally it would slip and pinch your hand. I got pinched by my bag a few times, we'd have to stop and she'd have to rearrange these straps. It seemed like such a big hassle, my mom would huff and complain, I stopped saying anything. My fingers were getting the life squeezed out of them. We finally get to the car, this lady sees what my fingers looked like and figured out what was up. She freed my fingers, winked, and slipped a $10 in my pocket. My older brother got a $5, so it was obviously worth it.
DanielCampos411 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a store getting groceries. I noticed the cashier was a childhood friend that would hang out with me and my siblings all the time. I didn't feel like saying hi or catching up, plus it might've been awkward so I acted like I "forgot" something and got another loaf of bread and went to another line.
cannotstandtherock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to a coworkers house for a party he was having for his 1 year old daughter. This was the first time Iโve ever been to his house or met any of his family. When I got there his grandmother started crying and saying David! David! I said yeah because my name is David ( keep in mind Iโve never met her) well my co worker failed to tell me his brother is named David and looked almost exactly like me. The family hadnโt seen him or heard much from him Since he moved to Colorado 5 years ago. So i acted like David her favorite grandson for about 3 hours. She was so happy.
NinjatheClick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:23:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
REALLY had to pee at a baseball game as a kid. We were winning so the coach put a noob on the pitcher's mound. He didn't just walk everybody, they got full counts, too. It took forever. I was waiting for the inning to change because I thought if I called a timeout everyone would see me run to the bushes. Instead, a kid hit a pop-fly ball, and in the excitement I lost my Bruce Wayne-ish willpower to hold it, and started peeing like crazy in my pants by second base. I screamed time out and ran to my mom. "Take me home!" The coach came by "What's wrong?" I burned a hole into the back of my mom's head with my laser eyes. "Take me home... I need to change..." I heard parents laughing as we left and was sure they saw the stream that went though my baseball pants AND underwear and was openly streaming onto the field. Somehow, though, nobody ever mentioned it. Coach thought I hurt myself or something, probably until he smelled it.
Gyarydos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explaining why it took slightly longer for me to answer the phone
San_Ra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firstly im a guy. Hugged a guy whom I hadn't seen in years and wasn't a good friend with to start with. Most awkward not even bro hug. Cuz well who shakes hands
brinkofchaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just spent $8 on fancy cheese just because I got into a conversation with a worker there. Went back later to return it and got the store brand.
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to a wedding social on the other end of town when I damn well should have known I wouldn't know a single solitary soul. Then tried to get a cab home...on New Year's Eve.
Yes, it took fucking forever. You bet your ass I felt like an awkward moron the whole time.
thecars1979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will refuse to be the first person to leave the break room because I'll assume they will start talking about me.
EthanEnglish_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So between the ages of 16 and 18 I dated this girl. The entire time we were together all her friends thought I was the coolest turd in the bowl. It got to the point where her older sister who was mid 20s (whom I had a secret crush on... Or I just wanted to do dirty things to her) would invite us to her friends house parties. Well on a big college football night there was a good number of people there. Various ages between 17-30 (don't ask) and we were in the kitchen playing ride the bus and asshole. Hottest chick the house kept giving me blatant looks from across the table, as my gf wasn't sitting right next to me. My move was to drink the girls beer thinking she would get pissed and leave me alone. This was not successful as a week later my gfs best friend invited me to a party as it was my birthday. Same chick is at the party, dancing on the table drunk, sees me say happy birthday and whips her tits out and puts the beer she was drinking between them and says, "try and take this one." Again as if my gf wasn't right there. Fast forward some years. GF and I long apart. Hot chick says it's her b-day and wanted to hang out with me. I roll her way we get drinks, very chill platonic hangout. I drop her off, but I see her ex outside. I had known he put hands on her in the past. I drive off. Then my Captain Dumbass powers kick in, and I loop around the block and drive by again doing like 40 in the 25.... It felt cool for like .5 seconds... Then I immediately wanted to be invisible for the rest of eternity.
00shadow_walker00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:28:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I watch porn because I am way to awkward to meet a real woman.
iTheOwl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I Took the elevator from the basement (1st?) to the 9th floor because I didnโt want to be judged for taking it one level, and I waited too long to pick a closer floor, so I went all the way up to the 9th, pretended to leave like everyone else and caught the elevator back down. I take the stairs now lol.
skeet8509 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 3rd grade, my class and I were about to take a test. My teacher announced that once the test started, we couldnโt leave the room. I had to pee but I decided I could wait.
When I got the test, I sat there for 10 minutes squirming with my legs clinched shut. I couldnโt even focus on the test. Instead of asking to go to the bathroom, I let it all out. I pissed myself in my seat. Raised my hand, told my teacher what happened and got sent down to the office. I still remember that pool of urine that was in my seat afterwards.
mandielou32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in 6th grade, I spent the night at my โboyfriendโsโ house. He had three younger sisters, and one had their own room. His mother told me I could sleep in her room for the night. I slept on the floor because I thought his sister was still in bed and I didnโt want to sleep in the bed with her. I found our early the next morning that she wasnโt even in the bedroom and that I had slept on the floor for no reason.
BCA1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on the jungle gym in elementary school and didn't see some kid swinging on the bars. He ended up swinging into my stomach with enough force to send me flying off the damned thing.
I hit my head pretty hard on the ground right when I realized that the kick I took to the abdomen ended up sending a torrent of leaky shit down my legs.
So there I was, in the schoolyard, unconscious and covered in shit.
misterpoopybutthole5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just yesterday - took my dog to the park to go for a walk. There is an older woman with her dog getting out of their car at the same time; dogs sniff butts, we do the "blah blah how old/what breed is your dog" bullshit. We notice both dogs are eating something from the ground so we rush over to stop them. She pulls a burger wrapper from her dog, I assume my dog had something similar, so I pry open his mouth and scoop out what he had. It was a golf-ball sized piece of soft shit, and it was now on my hand.
I didn't want to be all like "GROSS I HAVE FUCKING SHIT ON MY HAND" and get right back in my car and leave... so I was just like "welp have a good day!" and then walked my dog into the park, with a poopy hand.
jinglejangz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told a potential room mate (to whom I had already paid a $300 deposit) that I was pregnant and "things are just so in the air right now," just to avoid explaining that I hadn't researched the neighborhood well enough beforehand. Edited to include that I then let them keep the deposit.
Grandy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:33:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gave money to a scam artist who was obviously scamming me but I didn't want to cause a scene.
InboxZero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a similar thing happen to me with someone I thought was my friend. I wanted to be friends with him so I never called him out but Iโm positive he scammed me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
everything in this thread. ive done it all. except the pooping in a box one, what's wrong with you dude
StylishKoji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My best friend once asked a girl out on Kahoot ( basically a quiz game for kids ) in 6th grade. That girl is still friends with us. Yes he was dumb and desperate.
Destroyer_Bravo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked into Spanish class, this kid and I grab the same desk.
We just stare at each other for a solid minute before I mutter "whatever" under my breath and let it go just before this girl in my class assigned study group breaks out in laughter (over that)
sarahstrangeartist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:35:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got dressed and left for work where I wear a uniform, only to realise I wasn't working that day before I got there. Instead of going home, I wandered around aimlessly for a bit. Saw my supervisor, who already thought I was weird, and the next day I go into work and get asked "[supervisor] saw you yesterday in your uniform" and I should've made a joke and said I forgot I wasn't working but instead I started talking gibberish and walked away.
dyl_pykle08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 12 I was playing with my friend and his younger cousin. I forgot exactly what we were doing because my mind probably repressed it but I was on the ground pretending to be knocked out n she had the get back to me n I slightly rolled towards her. She stepped n tripped backwards then hit a vertebra on the corner of a hard piece of wood furniture. She then started crying pretty hard cuz I'm sure that hurt like a sum bitch. I panicked so hard I jus continued to act like I was knocked out n after about 20 long seconds my friend softly said 'dude, what are you doing?' So I jumped up real quick n passively watched, not saying a word, wishing I was dead, while him n his sister tended to her. I still feel the feels from that moment when I think about it.
Ghostyboii2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wrote a letter to a guy with drawings and stuff saying I liked him instead of just talking to him , the letter came across creepy cause I'm socially awkward.
Triivii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got my hand caught in a sliding glass door between the glass wall and the door being open. My family had already made their way back to the car and didn't notice but I was stuck in the sensor area so the door wouldn't close and let me out. Hurt like crazy and I was only 12 so when a couple walked out past me I was too embarrassed so I acted normal like nothing was wrong and I was just leaning against the glass wall instead of asking for help and stayed stuck for another 5 minutes before it finally closed.
MadamRadar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In high school, I put my hands between my legs, basically cupping my vag, and peed on them because I thought my extremely long and forceful pee was being too loud (and, of course, as awkward-logic dictates: hands will buffer the sound somehow!). I had been holding my pee all day and it was getting painful, so I had to go full force mostly. I only did the hand thing because I the only other girl who was in the bathroom with me (saw her on my way into my stall) was this girl I secretly idolized and I had no clue how long she was going to be in there. I tried to wait it out with my pee-hands in my stall but she was damn near setting up camp in there. I had to get back to class so I dried my hands with toilet paper as best I could, got my stuff, exited the stall, washed my hands, made an awkward smile/nod/nervous laugh, and went back to class.
jim_deneke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 11 when my family visited relatives on a holiday and I was wearing my school t-shirt (not the uniform, a t-shirt that just had our class year on it) and someone spilled purple jelly on it and instead of saying 'you stained my shirt!' I shouted 'you stained my $16 t-shirt!' like it was a fancy garment. No one gave a shit. It was the most expensive shirt I owned though.
netflixismyqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:36:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I was at a friend's house and felt too awkward to ask for a drink of water, so I asked to use the bathroom and drank out of the sink.
Oneforthatpurple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found a lost dog, gave it to some random lady who said it was hers. See an elderly lady and a large man walking around calling for a dog. Felt real bad so told them where I brought it. The lady there said she didnt have it. It was now on the other side of town. Got into a car with large man and elderly woman. Realize large man is extremely drunk. We somehow make it to the worst part of town. Def shootings there all the time. Can't find the damn house. Somehow find the right house after an hour. Find the dog. They gave me a ride home and invited me to a barbecue. It was a good barbecue. Never spoke to them again.
pkaJIMMBOI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So in 7th grade, I had some chronic ass social anxiety. I know you've probably heard that a lot, but trust me, mine was the worst. Anytime somebody tried to talk to me. I'd stop what I was doing, freeze, and just wait until they go away, like a bug or lizard or something thinking you won't notice them if they don't move. I was kinda just known as 'that kid' for it. Every now and then I'd be lucky enough that somebody would come up to me like "Hey, I get that you're lonely so you wanna talk?" and while I obviously would've probably liked a friend at the time, that usually didn't stop me from going reptile defense mechanism like I always did. One time though, this really cute girl asked me, and I decided I was actually gonna do something this time and use words and stuff. I did use words. Not really sentences, but a couple words here and there. She eventually gave up and left me alone.
Eesh. Glad I'm not like that anymore
TotallyDanza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My entire existence is this.
OpossumBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asked a girl out using 100+ dollar concert tickets because I didnโt think she would say yes if I did it the normal way. She said no to that, too. Freshman year.
yankin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well....today had a recent one. Wanted to watch the old Bladerunner, went to the movie rental place, twas my first time there. Looked hard for 20 mins but the ordering system there was shit. I kept trying to build myself up to ask the lady if they had it (extra difficult for me since I don't speak the language here well) but in the end walked out with nothing but my shame.
Told my flatmate the movie wasn't there and he said, "I can't believe it, did you ask them?"
And I was all "Of course I did bro!" :(
GMR315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only thing I could think to say when going through the receiving line at a funeral for a friends family member was "He looks good".
lovesickpirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that awkward. Iโm pretty sure Iโve heard people say that before. You did the right thing GMR315.
GMR315 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I felt very awkward saying it. I couldn't think of anything else to say to all those sad people and that was the first thing that popped into my head.
endorstoi8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In sixth grade I decided to join track and field. The first practice, they split us up into two groups and I chose one randomly. We began running... And running and running, all around our school's perimeter. It was then that I realized I had picked the long distance group instead of short distance, but instead of switching I kept running and endured the absolute torture. I didn't want to do long distance for the rest of the season, but I also didn't want to admit to someone that I had chosen the wrong group, so I just never went to a practice again.
bigpapi46 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โข Say sorry for literally nothing like eight times in a row โข Be to awkward to wave to people I know/say hi in public so itโs just me awkwardly fidgeting around, glancing at them .โข Get nervous for no reason
Those were my three bullet points
ndiehl84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first job was at McDonalds and I was 17. Day one, the manager came up to me and asked if I was a minor... I looked very puzzled because clearly I was working at McDonalds, not down in a mine; so I said no I wasn't a miner. I went a week without a longer break because of it. I still get made fun of to this day by my family.
PittsburghChris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My pants keep falling down so my wife shamed me into wearing a belt, and I did. Sinched it up real tight. That night, I went to a PTA meeting to speak and my zipper had been down the whole time. With my belt on tight, it only served to highlight the exposure : (
manEvery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:40:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rape
qwertoss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A friend of mine once took an exam for a subject he wasn't enrolled in because he sat down in the wrong lecture room. He made up a fake name, student ID and everything!
earthbound_misfit42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In kindergarten I ate black paint after I got it on my hand I was distracted by a classmate when my attention was drawn back to my hand, I all of a sudden mistaken it for chocolate syrup and licked it off my hand. Immediate regret ensued but for some reason I still swallowed it.
jarmstrong413 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my teachers called me by my real name and not the nickname I suggested at the beginning of the year. I wrote my nickname on all my tests and quizzes and assignments but he still called me by my real name. I never corrected him.
toomuchH8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some friends of mine told a girl I made a perverse comment about her which wasnโt true. She confronted me about it in front of many. I was so embarrassed from all the laughter that I couldnโt say anything. I should of just told Her it wasnโt true, smh :/
tyresk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school at a soccer tournament. My parents werenโt able to bring me so I rode with a friend. After the games everyoneโs in the car and Iโm standing about to get in the car with the door open and cleats still on. The car moves forward about 6 inches and right into my foot. Hurt like hell but I was a tough middle schooler, I wasnโt going to yell. I stood there for 10 seconds before I said, โumm the car is on my footโ. โWhat???โ โThe car... itโs on my foot.โ โOh shit!โ His mom reversed and I got in the car, tears of pain welling up but I wasnโt going to cry.
I rushed to take my cleat off so as to not have to cut it off from swelling. My foot was already bruised all along the side in strange dark line. Luckily it wasnโt broken though. Still couldnโt play for a few weeks. Only took a few games on the bench to realize I should have screamed bloody murder.
JBjEnNiNgS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was in the hockey dressing room before a game. People got made fun of (or at least I thought they did) if you were wearing tighty-whities. I always wore boxers to hockey... But not this day. Rather than show everyone my tiny underwear, i wore my jeans under my hockey equipment and got made fun of anyways for being weird. No regrets.
redtrucktt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lived in an upstairs apartment. Half ass knew the guy that lived downstairs. Friend of a friend type deal. Came home on my lunch break to take an epic shit. First round of pushing and the splashdown was loud. Loud enough he heard and asked loudly "you alright up there?" Never again in the next year of living there did I turn 2 without the bathtub running to drown out any noise.
free112701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i must say, this thread is much better than looking at politics, thanks alot. Almost wet myself a bunch of times :-)
SovereignsUnknown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shoutout to /r/bigdickproblems
me and my girlfriend use birth control as our only method of birth control because i am too socially awkward to buy large sized condoms. i just feel like people will judge me for trying to "impress some girl" when really i just don't want to suffer through uncomfortably tight condoms and an increased risk of breakage. thankfully i'm in a committed, long term monogamous relationship but if i were ever to become single i will probably have to face my fear
you-farted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a friend sleep with a guy once because "he brought wine, and she didn't want to hurt his feelings."
Bitches_Love_Hossa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:43:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was playing little league, there was one game I was playing left field. This half inning was taking particularly long (pitcher was having trouble throwing strikes, a common thing at this age) and I really had to piss. I was at the point where I couldn't hold it anymore, I had to go. However, we only had 8 kids on our team show up to this game (you're allowed to play with only 8, you would have only 2 outfielders), so I knew I couldn't ask for a sub. If I asked for time to go use the bathroom, I knew the game would have to stop until I got back. That sounded embarrassing, but apparently pissing myself sounded less embarrassing at the time. So I just let it all go, hoping my baggy, dark gray baseball pants would hide it well enough. Well, it seemed like it worked, no one said anything if they did notice. My buddy who was on the team even asked if I wanted to come over when the game finished. Yeah, think I'm gonna go change first.
fattyspecial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in this pizza place where you take a big number and then give it back to them when they give you your to-go order.
My number gets called and the guy brings my pizza over in one hand and has the other extended. I gave him a handshake instead of giving him the number back and then I realize and we just share this awkward look and then we both started laughing.
I ended by saying "I actually usually like to get a big hug when I pick up my pizza but a handshake will do."
thegoathasspoken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in kindergarten at the time and really had to pee, but was too shy to ask my teacher if I could use the restroom. I couldnโt hold it and eventually peed on myself. Still too shy and now embarrassed to let my teacher know, I quietly got out of my seat, got some paper towels, went back to my seat, and sat on them. Yeah...she ended up smelling me out and telling my mom.
viviennecase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I became Clair. You see, it was a normal day, I went and got my nails done. I sat down in the chair and lady had to of thought I was someone else as she said " It's been a while since you got your nails done, Clair. How are you?!?" In a shrill voice. I just froze and couldn't say anything. I told her I was good, how has she been doing? She says oh you know. No, lady, I do not.
She asks how the daycare is and at this point I'm just like oh god. So I tell her I got a new job and everything. The lady asks about some girl who we apparently mutually know and i just reply that I don't know, maybe the local college. She asks why I don't work with my dad. I'm like fuck, my dad died seven years ago in November so I'm like uhhhhhhhhhh. It's hard working with family members sometimes.
So I sat there, for a full hour and a half being Clair. She kept asking questions and for some reason I just couldn't say the words I'm not Clair.
But hey, she gave me a 20% discount, so at least I got that going for me.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sat down to poop at work and I thought my manager was in the stall next to me.. I didn't want to let the brown dragon roar with upper management right next to me. Nope. Instead I sat quietly hoping he'd leave soon, he didn't. Instead I shamefully drew some toilet paper, wiped my unused arsehole to make it sound like I was done and went one floor up where I had a glorious and private bowel movement.
fudgyvmp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Prone
Veloci_Granger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:44:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was set up on a date by a mutual friend. Date called me in the morning and the convo was going fine, my roommate was giving me thumbs up and all was well. Then the guy said, "My plan was to take you our on a hike, so make sure you wear something comfortable." I panicked and shouted, "OH THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE I HAVE MANY PAIRS OF SHORTS!"
To this day I have no idea why I would say that and I still laugh thinking about it. Awkward.
Lordcrimsonfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bit of backstory, my uncle once dated a girl, nice girl, cute girl, bit of an oddball but got along with his son and the rest of the family, so he of course does what any good man does, dumps her for her fat sister. Fast forward a bit, my uncle and soon to be step-aunt are happy with a new baby and visiting my family, I think I was about 16 years old at this point. One more important thing to point out is I have aspergers syndrome, so I am severely awkward, even among my family. All that together we come to a singular moment, we're all just relaxing in the pool, having a nice time, I'm entirely unprovoked and just blurt out to my uncles soon to be wife
"DIDN'T JOHNNY DATE YOUR SISTER!?"
Like some tourettes ridden spas, to which she just responded with a simple "yeah". Granted she handled it a lot better than my now very displeased mother, I mean she was really not happy with that. I of course wasn't weirded out or realized it was awkward since I'm socially disabled but after it was explained to me it of course made me feel awful.
BigMeducine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a comedy show and after the main comedian was done, I went to the bathroom and he happened to be in there washing his hands. We looked at eachother and I said "good set man you were really funny". He said "thanks". Instead of leaving it there, I said "good career choice". He stopped washing his hands and just looked at me until I walked away.
Taylor6534 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:46:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my whole life
Enkixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if this counts because I was very young but on the first day of kindergarten, I thought I needed to put all the toys away before I could go to the bathroom and I peed myself trying to hold it and put them all away.
Much later, in a similar but worse situation, I was on my way back to my dorm from working at UPS and needed to go number 2. There weren't any bathrooms anywhere near the parking lot I was in. I tried to just go on the ground as a last resort and somehow still messed that up. After getting back to my room, I threw the pants away instead of dealing with them.
Banana-balls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:47:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awkward for him not me, maybe both - im a fan in small music venue with an independent US touring punk bank. Im at the front as its not really crowded and wearing another band's shirt. In the middle of a song the guitarist bends over, reaches down, and jams pretty hard his 4 fingers into my throat. Im like wtf as i was just standing politely where you are supposed to stand. I throw my hands up like cops are shouting at me and he has to yell to me as he points at my chest "i like your shirt". All while everyone else keeps playing. I imagine he was trying to tap me on the shoulder but thats still awkward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:48:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a lot, but after reading through comments the most awkward thing the last decade: fiancรฉ and I had dated for a few months. We were long distance at the time and he came to stay with me for a week. Kiddo and I lived in a tiny apartment in my dad's basement, consisting of three rooms; bedroom I shared with kiddo, living room and open kitchen solution, and a very echo-y bathroom. Day 4 of his stay I was so desperate for a poop that I made an excuse for going upstairs to dad's. Dad is all confused at me hurrying in, yelling "I need to use the toilet!" and legging up the stairs. When I came down I asked if I could borrow his coffee machine so I would have a legit excuse for being upstairs. Until we moved out dad would some times come down and borrow it back, but he returned it. Still got that coffee machine too (got dad a new one).
Dr_Tentacle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got a doctorate.
sheNANAgens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see this one guy at a weekly music event I attend. I always say hello to him and ask how's it going. We have nothing in common and aren't friends but just do the mannerly weekly greetings. Last week I saw him and was waiting for the greeting, but it was like that weird half second that you're not sure if you're looking at each other but it was too late. My arm reacted, went straight out like some goofy Hilter salute but then started flailing as if swatting a gnat. I saw him tonight and he purposely ignored me. Wtf is wrong with my limbs.
prizzapocket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bought two dozen donuts because i wanted the donut lady to think i had friends at home
Floatzel404 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I seen a girl that I thought was really cute at an amusement park called kings island. Instead of going up to her and asking if she wanted to ride a few roller coasters I convinced my friend that the girl she was walking around with was cute and his type so I could have a chance to talk to her. He eventually believed me so I started up a awkward conversation with the girl. Like an hour later of awkward small talk I'm about to get on a roller coaster and invite her to sit next to me, instead her friend thinks I was talking to her so I sat there awkwardly next to a random girl for 5 minutes.
I did get the girl I liked number though so it was not to bad
AppaDucky79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:50:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About 15 years ago I visited London and was about the ride the Tube for the first time.
I was so nervous about putting the ticket into the machine incorrectly that I walked up to the entrance barrier, realized I wasn't 100% sure which way to insert the ticket (had I stopped for two seconds, it was painfully clear) and turned around and went back to the building I was staying at.
I didn't want to hold anybody up by putting the card in wrong and I didn't want to bother anyone had I needed to ask for help.
I went back the next day and went through with no problem at all.
earthbuilderman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time I feel the awkward moment coming in a conversation I simply say, โWell alright thatโs enough.โ and walk away.
EDIT: Also, has anyone noticed the amount of run on sentences, half thoughts and conflicting flows of the comments. Itโs perfect for this post.
JerrySpringer14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has anyone ever met someone at a party or other social event where it's acceptable to be drunk by the time more people are showing up? Then when you see that person sober they start talking to you and you have no clue what there name is, but you remember seeing them before and remember them telling you their name. I've had that happen several times, and I'm awkwardly good with names when I'm sober, but I can't remember any name said to me after I'm drunk.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:51:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one is going to see this but my mom tells me as a young kid I used to stand in the backyard screaming "Someone play with me!"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it. Sounds like something I would have done.
FabioRodriquez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I donโt know if youโd consider this awkward but I was dating this girl. I was with her for five years & every Easter, weโd go to her Grandparents home. Her Grandma would call me by my name. However, her Grandpa would call me by a similar sounding name. I never had the heart to correct him, despite his wife calling me the right name in front of him. One time though, as her, I & her father were walking out, he said goodbye. Well, he actually called me by my REAL name! It doesnโt end there, he immediately said sorry, corrected himself to the wrong name heโd been calling me all those times & seemed pretty damn ashamed of himself. Again, never corrected him & actually started to play along.
He died calling me the wrong name. I never once corrected him & I donโt know if that makes me a bad person.
Orangy1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I joined choir today because I went to the room to hang out with my friend. The teacher called me out for just hanging about and asked me to sing with everyone, handed me the sheet, lead me to baritone section, and I was too embarrassed to not go along with it.
It was fun and I signed up at the end of it. Yay new schools and blindly following friends around!
dirtypleb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:52:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I waited outside a movie theater for the entire movie. Me and a group of friends wanted to see a movie and I was broke at the time I went thinking 10$ was enough to see it. When they asked for 10 and tax I was like okay I'm just going to sit outside the movie theater for like two hours instead of ask for like 26 cents or however much it was.
NotOwlery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was around 7, I called my best friend to ask to come over. His mother answered, and I suppose my, "Hi, it's notowlery" sounded like "Hi, is it notowlery?". She said no, so I thanked her and promptly hung up. I ended up calling back again later, and it was never mentioned. I still wonder why she thought some random 7yo was calling her house
oceanblu3hair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ADD combined with poor hearing makes me say yes or no to not yes or no questions a lot
rgolden4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in Belgium a few years back... The menu was multi-lingual but I decided to try to place my order based on the description in French. When I ordered the 'andoulette', I didn't expect to be served a mass of fresh smelling pig intestines wrapped in this thin, slimy sausage sack... The restaurant seemed like a nicer, traditional place where they took pride in their cuisine, but there was no way I was going to be able to eat this. I first tried to pass it off onto my travel buddy who was face deep in a more appropriate dish. Second, I considered taking it to the restrooms and either flushing it down the toilet or throwing it in the restroom trash; but (with how awfully potent it was) for sure the restaurant staff would find it there... I was left with one option and that was to pay, wrap this sopping whale dick into a napkin, stuff it into my daypack, and toss it in some back alley a few blocks away... And by me, I mean I was so embarrassed that I had actually talked my friend into doing all of this for me... As my friend was pulling out the goods, the smell of the andoulette had putrefied further so much so that he began dry heaving. As he gagged, we still carefully searched for the perfect disposal spot. He finds a spot, boomerangs it out of sight, and I made way into the first bar I found... Certainly better ways to celebrate your 27th birthday, right?
TL;DR Read the menu in French, ordered an atrocious entree, snuck it out of a restaurant, and ditched it in an alley.
Rechtangles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:53:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once taking a calculus exam with my regular old #2 pencil and then the tip snapped. Instead of asking the teacher if I could borrow one from someone, I found a piece of lead on the ground from a mechanical pencil (less than two centimeters if I had to guess) and finished my exam using that.
Curedmeatncheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot my windbreaker at my college computer lab. Flash forward a couple of days, and low and behold, it was still there, right where I left it. This day I was stoned though, so I freaked myself out that someone would think I was stealing MY windbreaker. So I left it there, to never be seen again.
PmMe_Your_Perky_Nips ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:54:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just about everything sexual I did with my first girlfriend was dumb. The two biggest dumb things would have to be having unprotected sex and using petroleum jelly as lube. Finishing myself off with the jelly as lube resulted in a fiction burn like injury that put me out of commission for a little over a week.
taciturnextrovert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was this mini-skit group activity we did for a Language Arts class in high school. We were reading The Odyssey at that time and I was the only dude in my group. So for fun during the rehearsal, I jokingly said "Herpes, save me" instead of "Hermes, save me". I got a good response from the chicks. So, thinking it was a brilliant joke, I said that in front of the class in the actual mini-skit. The teacher then asked me in front of the class whether I knew what Herpes was. Not willing to admit to her that I said this jokingly, I said no.
That spread quickly in the school. Yep.
Nyx-Erebus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at a mall and really had to piss. Went to the bathroom but the only urinals available where right beside ones being used. Stall it is then. Headed over to the very last stall. Couldn't see that anyone was in it, so went to open the door. The door was unlocked but a guy was inside and he pushed the door shut. I walked out of the bathroom as quickly as possible and just held it in for an hour and a half until I got home.
_brodenheim_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was riding in my older brother's friend's car behind the driver's seat. He had his window down and it was getting too cold for me. Rather than asking him to put up his window, I for some reason thought I'd be able to reach the switch from the backseat and close the window undetected. He of course immediately noticed an arm slowly reaching past him and asked wtf I was doing...
verytallfemale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super late to the party, but today I climbed three flights of stairs to go to the bathroom just to avoid awkwardly walking past the security guard at the front desk. I always feel weird and like I should say hi every time.
free112701 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wet the bed til i was 12. Once I did it while sleeping in an adult cousins bed. The next day my wonderful younger sister switched underwear with me and took the blame. She was 9 and knew what she was doing. I need to call her tomorrow. My cousin may have been more pissed than the bed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a ride-or-die kind of sister. I send her my regards.
HitByStick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On evening while strolling along the beach looking for fire wood after a hard days hike I happened to stumped across a couple just in the treeline. The guy had just finished taking of his pants. There we stood the three of us in the middle of nowhere gaping at each other. I didn't know what to say, I found it so startling that people were there, and I was imaging them wondering who's this random weirdo sneaking around creeping on people. So I just turned around and walked away. They ended up camping there, the site next to mine and we'd see each other on the beach that night and the next morning but never a word was spoke there was just this heavy awkwardness that hung like mist.
buoren0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Off of a dating website, she didn't have any pictures and had described herself as attractive. I went over with the idea of snuggling (no sex!) ... and when she opened the door, she asked "is it okay?"
It was clear to me she had lied about her age, and instead of being a few years older than me, she was something closer to 15 years older. Attractive for 50s but still not okay.
Instead of saying "no, it's not okay," I went in, we hung out, and I just had the most cringeworthy experience.
We did end up snuggling, and she started getting handsy, whispering in my ear that "I know you said no sex, but if you wanna change your mind..."
I made some lame excuse about being tired.
When I left in the morning I felt like crap from the whole experience, and comparing notes with female friends they tell me that's exactly what it feels like when a guy is pressuring for sex.
Bobloblawlawblog79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in the middle of a one-night stand when all of a sudden I felt a ton of warm water wash over my abdomen. The guy just started apologizing a ton. I pretended that I thought he just came on me and we went to sleep. I slept in his bed while soaking wet because I didn't want to say anything. I then walk of shamed home the next morning still damp. I'm sad to say that isn't my most embarrassing sex moment.
rylo151 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i went to a new high school I accidently got on the wrong bus, this was a country town bus which took me nearly 2 hours out of town, I was too awkward to say anything so I hid in the back of the bus and climbed out a window later that afternoon at what must have been the bus drivers house I guess.
I had no idea where I was and ended up having to go to the police station to call my mum to come pick me up from there.
Comkool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife told her grandma that I love macaroni, which I do, but not her grandma's version.
For the last 6 years or so her grandma makes a literal fuck ton of macaroni for me when I visit and i eat it every time because I cant tell her I dont like it.
tharvey11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little I checked a book out from the school library, and even though I had returned it, the said I never did.
So I went and found it one the shelf, and instead of just taking it to the front desk to show them their mistake, I stole it, crafted a story about how it had been misplaced but just now found it, and then took it back the next day.
germanalen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lost my earphones at university and the next day I saw similar ones in my professor's office. Instead of reasoning that he would've given them to lost&found I asked him if the earphones are his. He told me that they were his wife's. Instead of saying ok I decided to explain the reason behind the weird question and told that I lost similar ones. I exited his office and said thank you.
Induced_Pandemic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on a date instead of staying home. Alone.
Municho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโve taken the long way to class in the hallway because I forgot to make a turn, but itโs too awkward to turn around and look like an idiot.
tomato_bisc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my freshman year of high school, we had to play an ice-breaker type of game where you lay out these cards facedown on a table and had to match the same ones by flipping them over. We did this in groups of twos, taking turns to see who could get the most matched cards (like a memory game).
I got paired with a girl who I thought was really attractive, and wasn't good at talking to people at the time. Now before we started playing, I didn't know you took turns each time you flip the cards - I ended up thinking who ever completes the game in the least amount of flips wins. So without realizing this, she sat there and watched me play the whole game by myself and didn't say a word. It was equally as awkward after she had told me about taking turns.
daspip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at Pax one year and we had a great time. Near the end of the event I was in the lobby and Will Weaton came out of the elevator wearing a cape while talking to his wife. I wanted to leave him be, but I also wanted let him know I am a fan. So I walked up, said I was a fan and held my hand out to shake his hand. What I didn't see was that his hands where full of bags, so he shows me by jokingly putting out his elbow.
I grabbed his elbow...and shook it...like it was a hand...
I hope he has since forgotten this.
blazednconfused86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I'm in a place where there are hookers on the street (ie vegas, reno) I like to try and negotiate with them basically wasting their time, and mine because I don't actually purchase them. So I had this going with a hooker for a while, here come my friends thinking I'm really try to purchase her. Long story short we are walking to the elevator, and instead of saying no, she got on the elevator and right before the doors closed I hopped off, and she couldn't get off.
Spoiler alert - When I got to my floor, there she was fml.
efase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It might be too late to post this, but whatever. One time I went with my friend and his parents to the cinema to watch Kangaroo Jack. I was like a 6 year-old and found it to be the funniest shit ever. So funny in fact that I peed my pants in that camel farting scene mid-theater. I was mortified. I "pretended" to drop my ICEE on my self and passed the pee off as that. The parents were really nice about it and were even trying to buy me some new shorts at the nearby mall. I was mortified and kept telling them I was ok.
I still wonder if they actually knew I pissed my pants.
IsomDart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Public bathroom with two urinals right next to each other. I was probably about 13 and some older guy walked in right after me. For some reason I just could not pee with him right there next to me. Neither could he apparently. We both stood there for a couple minutes in total silence until I couldn't take it anymore and just bursted out laughing hysterically and ran out of the bathroom
snesdreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to the movies with a girl and she drove me. When she dropped me off, I realized I didn't have my keys. This was like 11:00, but I assured her my mom would let me in. She was like "do you want me to wait with you?" but I was so awkward because I liked this girl and also I was embarrassed that I didn't have my license, so I said no. I ended up waiting until 2:00 AM for my mom to let me in, all because I was too embarrassed to let this cute girl wait outside my house with me.
IgTheDinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thankfully this was more of a secretly awkward thing but: I had recently gotten a hint that this girl I sat next to may have liked me through an awkward flirting experience (I'm like a brick wall so it took me hours to even figure out she was flirting with me)
Anyways, I try to offer her some gum a few days later when I have it, and this fact has just messed up any social skills I had with her. For some reason, I decided it would be too weird to just GIVE her some gum, so I pretended I got some out for myself and offered her some. Y'know, cause I had it out. I panic. I already HAD gum in my mouth. Then, instead of just adding to my current wad, I decide to swallow it. Crushes are weird.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every single thing I've ever done, up to and including this post.
ShyKat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I was only five or six when this happened.
I rode my bike down the street to my friends house and we were in the backyard playing. They had a big swing set and for whatever reason, the sister and I were just pushing a swing back and forth with nobody on it.
It wasn't a regular swing, it had hard seats and could seat two people facing each other. So we are pushing it back and forth and I guess she pushed a little too hard cause it hit me in the nose.
All I remember thinking was that hurts but I'm not gonna cry because I was older than the two kids and I wanted to be tough. Then the sister said 'you have something on your lip'. I touched my lip and my fingers came back bloody - great, I have a nosebleed.
So I was like oh it's cool I'm just gonna go home and patch myself up, whatever. But I didn't want her parents to find out because I thought I was in trouble.
So I super ninja snuck through their house from the back door to the front door where my bike was. Completely avoiding potential care from the adults. They never saw me. I walked my bike home and as soon as my mom saw me I started crying like the little kid I was.
About a year later they moved away and gave me the swing set, which was suitable since I gave my blood to that damn thing.
TL;DR: Got a bloody nose, ninja snuck through a house so the parents wouldn't see.
lewner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool the cool kids used to hang out sitting on the stairs. On my way out from class and had to go down said stairs but a bunch of girls were sitting there on their phones, so instead of saying "excuse me" and walking by them I decided to jump over them (thought maybe I'd get some cool points or something idk). Ended up jump kicking one of the phones and when I "landed" I just stared at them before running away. I was 16.
GoTomArrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I drove 10 miles on a bike to "accidentally drive by" the house of a girl I had a crush on. Worse, it turns out it was actually her boyfriend's house, who also was the one who opened the door.
marjerbar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ran into a girl I didn't like working at a clothes store. Reason I don't like her, she laughed at me on my first day of kindergarten cuz I fell down and scraped my knee. Just never liked her after that. She was always a bully to me for no reason. Anyways, she was my cashier at the store. She asked me, "Are you Maribel?" I denied it. She kept asking me if I was sure, looked me in the eyes a bunch of times like I was crazy and I just kept on denying it. I knew she knew I was lying and was just being weird but I just really didn't want to have small talk with her.
Arky200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Missed this guys hand when trying to handshake
Firebelias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I had a fight and didn't talk for months although we still were classmates so we almost met everyday but didn't talk....after several months we decided to say "Fuck it" and be friends again and we both agreed. On the same day when we were walking home from the school with a couple of other friends, one of them was slapping me on my head for no reason and without turning I slapped the crap out of him but when I turned I found out I had slapped my friend I just "made friends with" lol We're still friends tho.
grandmasholidayroast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We had a temporary bus driver my freshman year of high school. She didn't know where any of us lived so we had to direct her where to go. On the first day she asked me where to drop me off and I pointed to my house. She mistakenly thought I pointed to a house 2 over from mine and drops me off there. She asked if this was the right one, and in my awkward shame I nodded, smiled, said thank you and got off the bus at the strangers house. Now, a single event happening like this was fine but the next afterboon when I loaded onto the bus (I got a ride in the morning, used the bus in the afternoon only) she was there again. She stayed for about a month and I never corrected her.
muddywaterz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in between classes I went to the bathroom and a guy that was in my Pre-Chemistry was standing at the urinal but I am kind of pee shy so I decided to awkwardly stand behind him silently. He knew I was there which was worse.
Edit: grammar
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I felt nauseous while running during gym class I and threw up into my hand. I didn't know what to do and didn't want anyone to know. Instead of cleaning it up I put my hand into my pocket and put the barf in there. Unfortunately a classmate saw me do it and I denied it when she pointed it out to my teacher. I tried to clean up later on but still smelled like puke.
Koala_T_User ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took communion at a catholic wedding because I didn't know the gesture to tell the priest no. I am in no ways catholic or Christian
I took communion by shoving one hand forward, firmly faced up. It did not look kind in hindsight. There were gasps
catlova12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:01:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
told a kid i had a spanish project & he had to leave my apartment & ran into him 10 mins later as i was walking into a pizza place lol
sad85XD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My fiance can't handle attractive women talking to her. At the gym an 11/10 walks up to her and tells her she likes her gem pendant necklace. To which she responded "NECKSTONES............ ITS NOT HEAVY THOUGH ........... OKAYTHANKSBYE!!" She then runs, and I mean ruuuunnnss, away.
GoTomArrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a crush on a girl and wrote her love poems by mail. Signed them with an email address. She actually replied, lol. I oddly enjoyed the two weeks between her actually writing back and her finding out it was me who wrote it. :P
NicksStick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my younger years I once came during foreplay (WAY early) she couldn't see it underneath the covers. Once we moved and she saw the giant sticky pile of shame, the best I could think to say is "That's not mine" I still want to curl in a ball and die every time I think of it.
livtreanor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:02:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late for this post but oh well. When I was 6 years old I went over to my friends house and we ended up playing with toys and what not. Anyways during that time in my life I really really hated going to the bathroom so I would hold it in as long as long possible which of course led to A LOT of accidents. Well this time I was having so much fun that I thought I could hold in my pee but over time the pressure was too much and I just peed right there in the carpet. Instead of telling my friend and her mom I sat there for HOURS periodically checking the carpet to see if it was dry yet. The worst part was my friend wanted to do other things but I acted like I was just super interested in the toys, she would go play outside and walk back in and check on me, or her mom would come in and ask if I wanted lunch and I just sat there playing with the toys.
I don't think I got invited back...
DerpDoggo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked up 5 flights of stairs to class instead of going into an elevator full of my classmates.
CounterStrokeVictim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:03:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally did this an hour and a half ago. Had a guest speaker who was a paralympian. She had lost an arm due to a flesh eating bacteria. I was asked to introduce her to about 200 people with very short notice so I was nervous. I decided to go up to her with a lot of people, said hey and went to shake her right hand and waited..... My friends mae sure I didn't forget that moment
mikejones0771 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:04:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 10 years old I had a friend over to my house. We were playing a board game and he said he didn't feel very good. He fell asleep on the couch and I just sat there, in silence, for 5 hours. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents and didn't want to wake him up. Also didn't want to make a move in the game because that would be cheating. Just sat there. 5 hours.
Parents came and he woke up, acted like nothing happened and he left. Never spoke a word of it to this day.
bennygani ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in middle school I was going to use the bathroom but all the high schoolers were in there, so I went into the staff bathroom and did my business.
Kemfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ordered a smoothie from Panera bread once and when my order was ready they mistook me for a girl and said "Hey ma'am, your smoothienis ready. Ma'am, it's ready." And I got confused cause they were looking right at me and I just walked away without grabbing my smoothie. I had to wait for my fiance to getbout of the bathroom so he could grab it.
jedi_master87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 8, I went to my friend's bday party at a McDonalds Playplace. You know: ball pit, tunnels, and slides. Well I had to poop really bad but I was too embarrassed to ask my friend's mom to take me to the bathroom... I was a shy kid. Well I pooped my pants and turds fell out inside all those tunnels. The entire Playplace smelled horrendous and the bday party was cut short...
SaveTheColorsKEC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So. I was at a little bakery with my mom. We had a question about a menu item, but neither could convince the other to suck it up and actually speak to the employees. We decided it was better to look up their phone number then call them to ask for clarification. While we were INSIDE the restaurant at a table 15 feet away. XD Good times.
TigrisVenator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back during my senior year of high school, my girl invited me to go swimming with her and her younger sister and the sisters boyfriend at some fancy club place (we snuck in). Well I said yes because why not right? (I'm a shitty swimmer). So her and her sis and the other dude get in and I being a dummy decide to jump right in not looking at the depth markers, my dumb ass sunk right down into the deep end 10ft or something. Instant panic, I doggy paddle struggle to breach, leg cramps up and I manage to get my hands on the bouy strings?
My girls looking at me the lifeguard is asking if I'm ok and I just nod like the dummy I am and shimmy towards my girl who was over in the shallow end...
gruffgorilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is gonna get buried but I have a good one. When I was in middle school we went on a trip to DC over spring break. I had to shit really bad and there was a bathroom in the back of the bus but all the hot girls were in the back and I didnt want them to know I was shitting so I decided to just wait until we got to the hotel. I didn't make it.
Jeepanator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was working on a project and stopped by my classmates apartment to discuss and work on it. He lived in a super nice condo and I went to text my girlfriend how nice it was and I accidentally texted the classmate. He was in the bathroom or something and left his phone on their coffee table so I went into his phone and deleted the text. He had the exact same phone as I did so I had a pretty good idea on how to delete it fairly quickly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stay with my ex for way too long.
browneyedgirl1683 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm crap at remembering peopleโs names. I have literally gone months without knowing the names of the parents at my daughterโs school. Iโm just too embarrassed to ask. I just carry on without asking until I find someone who can tell me who everyone is without judging me.
madi_lol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in second grade, I went to a sleepover with my best friend, whose older brother I had a crush on. We were watching a movie that night and I didnโt know where their bathroom was and was too afraid to ask. So I shit my pants. My friend even complained about the smell and blamed her brother for farting.
I found out later that night where the bathroom was, and snuck away in the middle of the night to wrap my underwear in toilet paper. Woke up the next morning and called my mom to pick me up early.
theisolated2ndlaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at one of my first sleepovers when I was about 8, and the girl's house had those child gates on the staircase. The bathroom was upstairs, I needed to pee really badly and I didn't know how to open the gate so I just peed in my sleeping bag. It was obvious that I did it and I could've easily climbed over the gate.
idratherbesnoozing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid (12) I went with my best friends family to a haunted hayride. As we were leaving an older couple walked up to me...opened my mouth and was pushing my lips up to check out my gums. Instead of running away or asking what are you doing? Eventually they said something about me looking anemic.
french_champagne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:08:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I left a social gathering early to go to another meet up, that all members present were going to. I left early so i wouldn't have to be following anyone or drive another person to the place. Due to my ineptitude, i ended up totaling my car because I got lost potholes and Priuses don't mix.
Nyx-Erebus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was in first grade and I really wasn't feeling well. I really needed to go to the bathroom but we weren't allowed to leave class without permission. So my class is going to sit on the floor around my teacher for story time and I'm standing there going "Miss! Miss! Miss S!" Trying to get her attention. She told me to sit down and not interrupt and I just turn around and hurl all over the floor.
Savage1546 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was like 7 I slipped on the blacktop at school and passed out, for like a good 3 minutes. Instead of telling the nurse what happened I sat there for like 10 minutes, said nothing and was sent back to class.
Something happened and the teacher that brought me in to the clinic didnโt tell them what happened outside.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:09:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was this guy i knew, he was a friend of a friend of mine whom i had hanged out with a couple times. He was a pretty shady annoying criminal type of guy in his twenties, but he was always nice to me.(Note: I was an awkward 15 year old.)
So one day we were all hanging out and for some reason he asks me for โฌ10. Dont know if it was meant like a joke, but i didnt want to give it to him.
Without answering or saying anything at all I just turned around and walked home.
NotSpicyEnough ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So my parents were pretty strict when I was a kid and we didn't really talk to any of our neighbours.
Anyways so I kick the ball a little too hard and it goes over the fence I to our neighbours backyard and I'm too awkward to go and ask them if I could have it back. So I decided to jump the back fence and quickly get it. And quick in and out job, easy....yeh no.
As soon as I jumped the fence this crazy as fk chihuahua starts bolting for me, and I chose flight, so withiut thinking I bolt for the trampoline and just stand there while this chihuahua is circling around the trampoline trying to get to me. I eventually sit down and try to plan a way out, I mean I can probably get to the fence in time but if I did that, then I would have to say goodbye to my ball and this trip would be in vain.
After maybe 10min, I've surrendered to my fate. And to make matters worse, someone came out to check what the commotion was about.
Then to add a stab to my already beating heart...it turned out to be my crush's house...
The awkwardness was so fucking strangling, I'm pretty sure I forgot to breathe. The exchange went something like this:
"[NotSpicyEnough] what are you doing??"
"um...uh...m-my ball"
She just laughed, grabbed it and threw it over the fence (the ball not her dog, unfortunately). We talked for a bit, she was enthusiastic about us being neighbors, I was laughing and talking in broken sentences.
The next day I took my ball to Show&Tell and we told everyone our story.
We stayed friends but I moved to a different city at the start of highschool. So we lost contact.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was at the gym yesterday morning, a guy that frequents the gym in the morning like my self was using the flat bench but very happily said after seeing me look around for a bench โyou need this one? itโs all yours man, go for it.โ Right before he said this I spotted the bench I prefer because it can be a flat or incline bench and my next exercise is done on an incline. Rather than be a jerk and ignore his kind gesture, I just kind of stood there for like 10 minutes like I was resting and then grabbed the bench I prefer. I heard him say something through my headphones but not sure what. Poor guy, I just really needed the other bench!
chr1531n3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This wasnโt me but itโs brutal and I was there! Day out on the water drinking in my friendโs dadโs fishing boat with a half dozen or so other teens. One of the boys went below to use the bathroom. I donโt remember his being gone, only remember a pair of tighty whiteys with fresh poop being flung out the window, got stuck and hung up on one of the fishing poles that was on out the side of the boat. He was so horrified he couldnโt speak hahah. I think if we had been within sight of shore he would have jumped overboard and swam for it.... good times....
OloShrodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My boyfriend and I were in Montreal and he speaks fluent French but is too socially awkward to engage in conversation so I was forced to and everywhere we went I was the dumb American who couldnโt speak French and would just stare and nod along to everything the server or shop attendant would say until they realized I spoke zero French. We were there for 2 weeks...
DickMcLongCock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:11:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time while I was working as a delivery driver I was at a red light with my windows down when a car with out of state plates pulled up next to me. The lady driving looked really confused and asked me if I could tell her how to get to a specific street.
I knew right where it was and started telling her, but I mixed up the first 2 turns I told her to take, instead of telling her I messed up and starting over (like a normal person) I proceeded to give her even more wrong directions.
RockmeChakaKhan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
End of college, job hunt time, career office tells me to sign up for any interview from prospective employers on the wall as a "practice interview" before I do the "real" interviews with firms I wanted. Practice interview folks loved me. I was totally not interested, but too awkward to say no. Lead to an awesome career!
sminchdawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know a girl and she hates when people hears her peeing and she really had to pee one day when she was a couple dates in with this guy. She was at his house and instead of just peeing and staying. she ended up making an excuse to have to go home so she could pee. She eventually told him and now she has him turn up the music and she turns the faucet on everytime.
KazRyder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last year when I was a sophomore I was sitting next to this girl and I wanted to take my sweater off. The thing is I didn't want to show my stomach or anything, what I did was pull my arms entirely into the sweater and pushed it off from the inside. It was like I was hiding my entire upper body inside.
xxxIncoxxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a spoon from my friends house because his dad was loading the dishwasher and I didnโt want to be awkward and add another spoon into it .
argusromblei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:13:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't the biggest fan of chocolate as a kid so every time someone gave me one I was too awkward to say I didn't like it, and held candy that melted in my hand for like an hour
jhoosteen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drove into a gas station, drove all the way around twice looking for a pump, found one but realized I had just pulled in with the gas cap on the wrong side (my car has it on the right and my wifeโs has it on the left). I then proceeded to drive all the way across town to fill up because I was too embarrassed to pull back in the right way.
nocaller-ID ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:14:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was waiting to get a take-away coffee, when the man in front of me ordered a latte using the name Gabi. I started to panic because I wanted a latte too and my name is Gabby - but I didn't want anyone to be confused by the two orders - so I thought, this is simple, I'll use a fake name for my order. I used the name Kate, and was so relieved that I'd thought of the best solution, that when they called "latte for Gabi" I blissfully went to take the coffee... much to the confusion of everyone who had just heard me say my name was Kate. I then had to carry a coffee that clearly said "Kate" with me into work, which made me so embarrassed that I just threw the coffee out.
TooAnonToQuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once called a radio station to request a song. When they answered I totally blanked on what it was, and I was too awkward to figure out literally anything else to say. After a very long pause I eventually remembered the artist and they named some common songs and I just went with one. Went they played it they said it was for their "special friend."
Mojave702 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:16:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about seven or eight years old I was staying at my cousins house for a sleepover. They only had one bathroom in the hallway and I was afraid if I used it in the middle of the night I would wake everyone else up b/c they all slept w/ their bedroom doors open. I tried to hold the pee in, but it all eventually came out in the bed. In the morning my aunt asked me if I peed in the bed and I tried to lie and tell her it was sweat. I'm pretty sure she knew the difference.
Tripolite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Iโm in the 7th grade sitting through my unit test in math, with PE next period. Teacher WILL NOT let anyone leave until after the test. I have been holding in a huge piss for an hour, and HAVE TO GO. As SOON as the test is over, i bolt to the bathroom, only to discover a massive urine stain already on my blue jeans. Now instead of changing into my PE clothes and just tell everyone that i had no time to dress out in PE, i decide to go with the most obvious, reasonable decision. I soak my blue jeans in water to match the urine stain, ring them out, and walk back to class, to avoid any suspicion.
Blitzcrank_main_oya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:19:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grade 4'ish, stole the number my crush from another guy (whom I suspected to like her too) by pretending to "borrow" his phone.
Was happy that I was able to get her number but had no way to explain how I got it. So I pretended I was entering this t.v show contest by sending a "code" text message for a chance to win with my name on it. She replied "Hey it's me ______".
Texted her more after that like normal, but one day, I bullied her so much (I realized I did it to get her attention) that she ended up crying. Said sorry to her and never talked to her for the next 7 years before moving overseas.
She's doing well now with someone she loves who also loves her.
tastelikchiken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:20:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 6th grade I was "dating" this girl for about a week. I get to school on Monday and turns out it's her birthday. I didn't get her anything because I barely even knew this girl and had no idea it was her birthday. So naturally I broke up with her. I have horrible timing.
Mkorpal333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 10 or so, Christmas Eve, I got food poisoning. I didn't want to ruin the surprise by walking past the tree to go to the bathroom. So, I sat there in my bed at midnight and just puked into my dirty clothes hamper. And then puked onto the floor. And then just gave up and puked onto my bed. Sat there covered in puke for the next 6 hours, too afraid to leave my room and see a new bike I got.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One day me and my parents were visiting some of their friends. I was chilling in the kitchen where the woman was cooking something. I was sitting in the kitchen because I didnt want to sit with the grown ups, but they had no children my age.
The woman came back in the kitchen to see if the food was done and asked me if I was hungry, since I was sitting alone in the kitchen.
I wasnt hungry but said yes because I was awkward. Then she proceeds to give me a plate of something I 100% know I am allergic to. My dumbass cleared the whole plate, because I didnt want to seem rude.
Parents had to rush me to the hospital and everything.
chalter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pooped in a corn maze once as a 14 year old because I was pretty deep into it with a group of friends and I thought leaving would be lame so I told them I was going to go check out an area by myself and report back to everyone if seemed promising or not. When I couldn't hear them anymore I forged deep into a thick cluster of corn stocks until I couldn't see a path and did my business. I felt so guilty just leaving it there and so ashamed that I couldn't just be a normal person and say I had to go use a restroom.
sminchdawg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a pizza place that is 30 feet away from my house in the town I live in and they have a takeout window. When I call and place an order instead of just walking over, I walk 50 feet away in the opposite direction to get into my car and then drive back to go through to the takeout window.
PM_ME_UR_FLOWERS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:22:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The guy I liked asked me to the school dance. I knew there was zero chance my parents would let me go, plus I was terrified that people would make fun of him because I was the kid everybody bullied and then he'd hate me, so I acted like I hated him and didn't want anything to do with him.
jes248 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was so shy and awkward as a kid. I was afraid to get up in class to get a tissue across cross the room, and even more afraid to actually blow my nose. so I sniffled and used my sleeves.
My dad took me on a long weekend trip when I was 13 to visit his cousin (also male) I got my period and was too afraid and embarrassed to say something so I used wads of TP for four days.
I've also stayed in SO MANY "conversations" with people who monopolize the conversation because I'm afraid I'm offending them if I cut them short and I don't know how to get away. People say I'm patient- no I'm not, just awkward.
Astronaut_Aus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, might be too late, but this just happened yesterday and boy was it dumb.
I live on the middle floor of a three story apartment with neighbors above me and below me. I was just about to eat dinner when I got a phone call from my neighbor above me. I ignored it, texted her, and lied saying I was still at work. She responds she's locked out. Now I feel like an asshole. So I explain to my roommate why he has to be the one to go downstairs and let her in. He rolls his eyes at my anti-social nature and heads out the door to save the day.
A few seconds pass and I hear them walking up the stairs. My roommate loudly proclaims "Sure! You can WALK THROUGH MY APARTMENT to get to the back stairs."
I freeze. That's a cue. The front door handle shakes and I dive into my room. The door swings open as I press my body tight against the wall of my dimly lit bedroom while my neighbor stands just on the other side of the wall. She studies the living room for what felt like minutes while my roommate tried to hustle her through the apartment. It felt like I was hiding from a horror movie villain. She walked through the rest of the apartment none the wiser and I could return to eating my dinner and surprising my adrenaline high.
TL;DR I told my neighbor I wasn't home and she ended up walking into my apartment while I was eating dinner.
guppykang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at a career fair, and accidentally got into a conversation/pitch for the DOD. After they gave me back my resume saying they donโt hire software engineers, I saw he actual table I wanted to go to right next to them. Instead of awkwardly shifting to the next table, I made a loop all the way the opposite direction and made it back to the other table.
Dickshetler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:26:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had so many awkward experiences in my life that around halfway through high school I just stopped feeling awkward even when I obviously should and other people obviously are. the good side is I never feel awkward, but it doesn't help when I don't realise it and make it more awkward. it helps a lot to just own it with a smile
ace1oak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a beautiful customer come in today, as she was leaving she said "Thank you so much!" and i said "you too!"
RJANO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, one time freshman year of high school, after a football game, I was walking to the parking lot where my dad was waiting for me to bring me home. While walking, two of the popular girls of my grade said "hi (my name)" then, as they were waiting for an answer, I proceeded to look away, keep walking and smile a little bit like (wtf did they just say to me, mind you I did know what they said). I know now that I should've just been like "hey, what's up?" But yeah, they never talked to me again.
Edit: Obviously I'm very late to this, I already know, so chill.
Nootzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So at my high school everyday the janitor would make it 4 chairs per table, so people would move chairs around a lot. Every year the freshman drag it not pick it up, which creates a horrible screeching. One did it right in front of me so I just looked at him and clapped. I kept going for 5 seconds, but at this point I just had to keep going, it would have been wierd because no one joined in. So I just stared at this poor kid and clapped for like a minute and a half; alone.
xfoolishx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During Spanish Class in my Sophomore year of highschool I had a pen blow up in my mouth. I was nervously biting on it in the back of class because we had a test that day and I still didn't know a lick of Spanish to save my life. (Still dont) When it happened I just pretended like nothing happened because I had no idea what to do. I then preceded to sit there for 30 minutes with ink on my tongue. Eventually It was my turn to go in front and take my test. (Verbal) so I just got my friends attention, showed him, and preceded to just try and walk out of the classroom. She stopped me right away and I just showed her my tongue and ran to the bathroom. God was that embarrassing
zombehbrainz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:30:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When my SO and I first started dating (long distance) I got us plane tickets to visit my family in Ga. I was going to fly to him first and then we would fly together from there the next day. He ended up having to work out of town the night I was supposed to be flying in and I would have had to be picked up at the airport by his brotber and hang out with him, when I had only met him once before. I felt so weird about it I decided to change my flight to just meet my SO in ATL, but I couldn't just change my flight. I had to buy a whole new ticket. I ended up throwing away over $600 because I didn't want to have an awkward time with his brother.
Oh man, how stupid.
TLDR: I paid over $600 to reschedule my flight to avoid awkward social interaction.
fishbowl14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I peed on a tennis court. I was 7 or 8, and had asked the instructor for permission and he had said said there were only 10 minutes left to class, so I should wait if it wasnโt urgent. Of course, I was too shy to say it was kinda urgent, and then someone made a joke. An uncontrollable laughter and fountain ensued.
Everyone was mortified (especially my mom)
capitanbastos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At a big sporting event, when I was 7-8, I was too embarrassed to ask for directions to the bathroom. I was sitting next to two really nice guys who let me have their popcorn. I put my jacket on my lap and peed in the popcorn bowl. I almost got away with it, but I tripped when I was sneaking over to the trash can and popcorn and pee...
whatsdup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was invited to a friends house for thanksgiving dinner. So there was limited seating and I had just filled my plate with food when I realized I really had to pee. Instead of finding a spot on one of the tables to put my plate down, I brought my plate into the bathroom like it was no big deal. I did my business and washed my hands before opening the bathroom door with a plate full of turkey and mashed potatoes to my friends aunt looking at me like I had three heads and asked if I was eating in the bathroom.
blaqstarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:35:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nomad_Kevin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stayed up until around 8:00am drinking and sampling party favors at a friend's apartment. His place was just 10 floors below mine, so I stumbled to the elevator in an attempt to make it to my safe and secure bed. While waiting for the elevator to reach me, I passed out and missed it. So I hit the button again. Again I dozed off before I could get on. After a few tries I finally made it on to the elevator, and hit the button for the 14th floor.... then I passed out again. When I woke up the elevator was around the 5th floor and going down "to pick up sober people!". I panicked and got off around the third floor, and then took the stairs to avoid running into people. Then I passed out again. I kept checking the elevator to see if it was idle (which would probably mean empty) as I crawled my way up the stairs. Eventually I made it home, but it was a lot of time and effort to ninja up 10 floors in my condition.
TLDR: I turned a 10 level elevator ride into a two hour journey in order to avoid the judgement of neighbors.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Park far, far away and walk because I get anxious about parking in busy carparks. At least I enjoy the walk but I have been known to leave the parking lot if there's other people around, watching me park.
arent_they_all ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this bartender was cute, so I'd go to that bar just about everyday to see her. Never asked her out if anything, just got drunk. Did have intentions to, it never could bring myself to do it.
a_bear411 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:39:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When people pass offensive judgements on me in my face in a different language thinking I don't understand but I do..so I just go along with it and pretend i don't know
jascri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At work, if i dont bring food ill take a lunch break about a half hour to an hour after everyone else so i dont run into any coworkers anywhere. I also usually just eat my desk so i dont have to make small talk in the break room.
Gildedsapphire7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was talking about how snake genitals worked with a friend but when my crush came I didn't stop and talked about snake cloacas for 30 minutes
youthetom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
really needed new underwear, cause all my shit was really old and starting to get holes etc.
go to the store, go to undies section, feel really awkward and leave. I don't come back for a month because I was scared it would look like I was a creep on the security cameras or something.
Once I left the RMV when my number was literally next because I got really nervous about talking to the clerk and left. Literally waited 2.5 hours, and then left because I didn't want to talk to people.
Michaelm3911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh yeah? Everyone deserves to know the trial I faced and how relieved I am to shooy it out.
SuddenTerrible_Haiku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked up 7 flights of stairs because I'd spilled mustard on my blouse and couldn't stand for anyone to see me on my way to my hotel room
ktpmama123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was weird to do the usual thing
cockinstien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I locked my keys in my car and I couldn't pull the window open enough to get in and had no tools. So I try to break into my dads house since he wasn't there. The keys to the house were locked in too. I tried for a while then the door open and I was like Yes! Then next thing I see is my dad's gun in my face! I thought he wasn't there but he was after he saw it was me and I was like dad it's me! He was saying I'm so sorry I thought you were a burglar! I never tried to break into a house again! This was before cell phones were really huge I didn't have one.
Bravegrohl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:47:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wore jackets in high school in 40 degree heat because I was self conscious about my weight
sparty_postgrad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but one of my best friends. We were at an 80s aspen themed party in college and she was wearing this hot pink bodysuit/ long pant leotard thing. She proceeds to hook up with a boy. Realizing she's in unfamiliar territory, he goes the bathroom, she doesn't know where the bathroom is and doesn't want to wander the house, she finds a zip lock bag, squats over a trash can and chucks it out of the third floor window all before he came back.
bantybirdbum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Avoided eye contact with a dude at school that had a crush on me for weeks because I'm gay and was too much of a pussy to tell him.
megafart_XDDD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Put my binder into my bag and took it back out about 5 times so I could make time to walk with my crush
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Recently my boss who doesn't speak English as her native language asked me if an exclamation point is called an "explanation point", and since I thought she said exclamation I said yes. So I guess she now thinks they're called explanation points.
smithluther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I opened my mouth and tried to answer a question from the one I want to have a date when I was drinking water and didn't swallow it.You could image what happend then.It's so embarrassed.I don't even want to think it anymore.It's so strange,you just forget what you are doing that moment.
sweetheart_killer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walking in the hallway once, about sixth grade, and saw these two girls on the other side of the hallway. For some fucking reason my idiot brain immediately thought: "You should impress them by flipping your binder while still walking." So I did. And I broke my finger and pretended like my finger wasn't ballooning and turning green for the rest of the day.
rolo130 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to prom with a girl, longtime friend, who asked me last minute and had everything already arranged on her end. This was my first date, such as it was. We went, we had an adorably awkward and awesome time, then went to her house so she could change for the school sponsored after party. It was pushing midnight, and when we got to her house, I told her to go on ahead and changed in my car. Smooth.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not an hour ago, my boss came over and was like: 'Arent you supposed to be heading out on your lunch break?' I've been eating in the office for like three weeks now as it controls my diet better and my willpower is like a wet paper towel. But for some reason I took his words as: 'I don't want you in here' and I instead legged it into the city, where I promptly panicked where to go and ended up eating crappy fast food in order to get back in time. Good job, me.
Fan4t1k ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other day at work I had a client and I was making small talk. He's Canadian visiting the states for the fall/winter. I start asking general questions "how are you/ how's everything going". He told me everything is kind of crazy because his 52 year old son was in a bad motorcycle accident and they had to amputate his leg.
Without thinking I just said "oh is he okay"?
MTLRGST_II ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college, I hated being late to class. As a professional, I hate being late to meetings. On several occasions, when I've seen that I'm going to be late to a class or meeting, I just don't show up.
Justicarnage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Online dating...
hangs head in shame
Pollo_Jack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Called a woman a cunt because I tried to be aware of her gender and not call her a dick.
Lunar2K0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw a story on my Snapchat that one of my friends had their car break down like 2 minutes away from me. I grabbed my buddy and we went to go torment her about it and we pulled up to the sight behind someone else's car. We couldn't actually see who was there except for a part of the girl we were trying annoy (and help of course) and we started honking and hollering and making a giant scene when out comes her dad and mom yelling at is to go around and that we were making traffic. instead of explaining ourselves, we just rolled up our windows and drove away as fast as possible. She was very angry with us.
charlye6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About a year ago, I had a co-worker that seemed to be into me. Sure enough, one day she asked me if I "wanted to hang out after work sometime." I read into too much and I didn't really understand what she meant at the same time. Being my awqward self I said "Uh, when?" A customer then came up to her for help and I just slowly walked away. My girlfriend was pissed when I told her.
Nomenius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything involving my crush, literally anything
00Siven ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I lived in a apartment, and sometimes when I came home from wherever I might sometimes see another person go to the same building, but since I'm so shy and I don't want any awkward situations I just walk past and hope the person doesn't recognise me. Sometimes I would just walk around the building a couple times hoping the people had already left and just gone gone inside
highclasschigga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was pooping in school cause I had diarrhoea I farted and the seniors outside heard and started laughing. I tried to stay in the toilet as long as possible but when I thought theyโd left they were still outside. I washed my hands which felt like the longest few seconds of my life.
Imcpherson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did a volleyball camp for my school during the summer. At the beginning of each day, they would let us mess around and do whatever we wanted for about 15 minutes. Me being the awkward kid i was back then, didn't have any friends to talk to, so i would just sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes, because it's better than standing there awkwardly by yourself while everyone else is doing stuff. When anyone came into the bathroom i had to hide, so that there wouldn't be a really awkward conversation about why i'm sitting in the bathroom by myself.
trashsepticeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool, during our lunch break, my friend and I were talking at the stairwell. In our school, we don't have bells/alarms that ring to indicate next period or lunch or end of the school day, because each grade has a different schedule and different break schedules. So we were just talking for nearly the whole break and we didn't even realize the time. And when we did, we tried to sneak past the other classrooms (ducking our heads below the classroom doors so no one would see us), and we went straight to the bathroom.
We were so scared to come in late to our class because our teacher for that period is kind of strict on tardiness. So we just stayed in the bathroom thinking of an excuse as to why we were late.
Prior to this day, I had sprained my ankle and it was almost back to normal. But when we were in the bathroom thinking of an excuse, we thought it would be a good excuse to say I just got back from the nurse's office. I was seriously so close to breaking some bones.
But then (thank God) one of our classmates came into the bathroom and we were able to ask her what they were doing. And she was like "We're not even doing anything. He didn't even take attendance. You can just walk in and he won't notice." We were still so nervous, so we walked into the classroom, trying to hide behind our classmate. Our teacher was just sitting at his desk, occasionally looking up to talk to a student who came up to him. Everyone was just doing their own thing, talking amongst themselves. Literally no one noticed that we were late.
We were nervous over nothing. I was about to break my ankle over nothing.
Edit: When we were thinking of using the nurse as an excuse, I was thinking of breaking my ankle while my friend was thinking of faking an asthma attack. We of course needed a nurse's slip to show to our teacher in order to be excused for being late. And we needed a real health problem to be able to obtain that excuse slip, which is why we risked our own health.
Hackerdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was once at some friends house, coding. Ay some point I had to take a shit. Went, took care of my business fast and back to the table as nobody had to know. Smooth.
Then, about 3min later, her hot sister passed by, clearly going to the bathroom. I said "hey, you'd want to wait a while before going in there!"
She laughed awkwardly, turned around, went to her bedroom and didn't go outside for about 4 more hours I was there.
FeedTheBirds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm a pedestrian and I get to the curb at the same time as a car at a stop sign or a light that is about to turn right, but (supposedly) yielding to me - I immediately feign looking at my phone, or watch, or someone in the distance so that the car turns and then I cross the street like a normal person.
Also, I'm hard of hearing and when I went to get my tire pressure checked the guy asked me a question, but i didn't hear him over the sound of the garage. Instead of asking him to repeat it, I leaned into my car and pretended to be oblivious and look for something until he asked me again.
aliferevisited ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking home from school on a busy street and a vicious dog ran towards me. I could see his anger and instead of me running where all my classmates would surely see me and tease me the next day. I let the vicious dog bite me and rip my sleeve as I nervously tried to laugh and pet him โsaying hey butch!โ as if we were old friends. Thank God his owner found him and called his name because Iโm sure I wouldve let him kill me.
zenoOfCitium42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that dumb but i drink coffee black because i didn't know the acceptable amount of cream and sugar to put in coffee as a teenager
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes I walk the 20 flights of stairs out of my office to avoid having to avoid having to share an elevator and make conversation with colleagues. I'm not an introvert or anything, just can't be bothered at times.
zobozzyes2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I paid rent late, even though I had the money, because my "cool" landlord was on vacation and I didn't want to pay my rent to his mean wife.
SirAlaska ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had one of those clunky old-school Gameboys with the cartridge and I was playing an old Spider-Man game on an after school program trip. I left the Gameboy on the bus under the seat. When I got back on, the other black kids on the bus found it and were laughing about it being old and it being a Spider-Man game (I was about 15 at the time) so when one of them asked me whether it was mine or not, I just said no. When I got home, I told my two brothers someone had stolen it and while the bus was empty. That was a cool-ass Spider-Man game. :(
itsoscilatingagain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was super shy kid in high school, and colorblind. Struggled in art class with project involving hues, tones, tints etc. Teacher kept having to re-explain things to me, but for some reason I wouldn't say I was colorblind. I was just like, "Oh, I get it now!" Still lost...
atonementfish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was crossing a busy double lane street. Well I was about to cross, and this older woman thought I was middle eastern, I'm metis. So she starts talking to me in what I assume is Arabic. I think she wanted me to help her across the street she was obviously very slow moving. We get about halfway and all these cars are honking and are like wtf!? But I couldn't bail on her yet. I plowed through probably the most embarrassing moment of that year. We got to the other side and I think she thanked me, she looked kinda pissed off.
RealTrev16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in high school, I sneezed into my hand and a lot of mucus came out. Onto my hand. The class was completely silent and still, and I didn't want to draw any extra attention to myself by getting up for a tissue, so I sat through the entire test and rest of that class period with a hand full of snot. I just sat there. Holding it. And when it was time to get up, I was still so paranoid that someone knew, that I walked right past the tissues on the way out the door and proceeded to jam my snotty hand into my pocket.
frozen_food_section ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend was really nervous in Walmart one time so she forgot her pin number. She kept going to different cashiers (on different levels, so no one would think she was stealing) hoping she would remember it after a few tries lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Today I walked my dog, then cruised through a happy hour event to see if it was worth attending. It wasn't, but instead of just saying I had to get back to work, I told people I had to walk my dog, so I took her out, not five minutes after she had just peed, and took her all the way to the park and back, knowing she wasn't going to go again, just in case anyone was paying attention to how long we were gone.
justtoupvote_thingsI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Started new job at courier company. It was at the end of a little cul de sac in an industrial area - no freaking parking ANYWHERE! So already 5 mins late, I pull into the company carpark (which I had been prewarned was full and probably wouldn't have a park for me!)
There's one park at the very end next to the dumpsters and HUGE stacks of pallets. It's a tight spot, usually would of noped. But it's a dead end carpark with a 20point turn to get out and I'm already 10 mins late by this point. Also it's Hub time: All the drivers are back in swapping freight. They're watching me pull in with great interest (as ya do when someone new is starting) So fuck it. I'm too awkward to do the turn with everyone watching.
I ease my car in, by ease I mean SCRAPE it along the car beside it. Nestled in niiiiiice and tight. I also knock over the sky high tower of pallets all over my peice of shit car.
So I'm parked. But I can't get out coz; pallets on one side. and I'm actually scraped (or merged with?) the car beside me. So I do the classy thing and climb out the boot.
Weirdly enough, even though EVERYONE saw it. it was never mentioned to my face. I was shitting myself about it for weeks because it turned out: the car I rubbed mine all over was the big bosses! opps
prime_pineapple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I heard this on the radio today
StraferBow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In college, I had a crush on this girl I knew who always spent time in the library, she would move locations within the library, so I use to show up to the library and take a walk around hoping I'd run into her. When I finally saw her, I'd tell her "wow let me study with you." When I had to actually study, I'd study with her, when I didn't I'd just sit across and watch a movie.
bioballetbaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work in a pharmacy that's in a grocery store. Almost everyday, I say bye to everyone I'm working with and then realize that we're about to walk in the same direction to leave. There have been so many times that I've pretended that I have groceries to buy, so I end up walking around the store aimlessly for a few minutes instead of just saying "oh looks like we're walking the same way." I have no idea why I do it.
Vi3GameHkr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before I got glasses but after my eyesight got bad, I would intentionally always focus intently straight ahead or something when there were people who I couldn't see well enough to recognize around so there was a plausible explanation for me not noticing them waving at me, or for me not recognizing them.
cheeringcharlie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to leave my PE class to grab something from my locker. When I came back the gym was empty and I couldn't remember what classroom they said they were going to be in.
I wandered around in complete panic peering in classroom windows to try and find them. No luck. So I went to the front office and told them I was sick and I needed to go home immediately rather than confess I didn't remember where my class was.
I must have looked as stricken as I felt because they called my mother without asking questions.
Colonel_Janus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time in spanish class in high school, the bell rang and it was time to leave. I stood up super quickly to head out but when I whipped around, my backpack strap flung out and smacked some girl in the face and she started crying. It took me a couple seconds to realize what had happened and her friend was consoling her as they both watched me leave. My social anxiety was so god awful at that point that I just nope'd right out of there. Still kinda feel bad lol
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A couple years back I was going to a shady after-hours club with this DJ friend of mine. He walked down the stairs ahead of me and was shaking hands like only cool black people can, and greeting all the people who worked there as he knew them. This massive black guy stands in front of my with his arms out so I give me a hug and say whats up only for him to go "no, I'm searching you bro". He was security and was gesturing for me to stretch my arms out for a body search FML
NTJ2014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought food and ate at a Subway restaurant alone on my lunch break. Tried to leave but the double doors wouldn't open. Tried both doors multiple times. It was lunch time, i knew they werent closed or anything. I didnt want to ask an employee for help because I would look like an idiot. Got embarrassed and sat down. Waited 5 minutes until the next customer was leaving, they opened the door no problem and I hurried up behind them and followed them through the door.
Ac3918 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On my first ever meet the parents I forgot how to use utensils. During dinner I took a fork and knife and began cutting the piece of bread into small chunks to eat while everyone else gave me a weird look, picked up their slice of bread (using their hands), and chowed away.
Marrinz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in my single digits, I was at baseball practice playing outfield and had to pee. I was too nervous to leave the field to go pee so I just peed my pants. When people asked what the wet spot was, I told them i fell in a puddle. There wasn't any water anywhere...
southasianqueen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my new school I planned on microwaving the fresh-out-of-fridge ravioli my mom packed for me at lunch. Me, with no self-esteem couldn't work up the courage to go up to the microwave in the middle of the cafeteria and warm up my food. Instead, I instantly open it up and it eat the cold ravioli. All of it. Apparently I couldn't just sit there and do nothing, so I ate cold food.
GarrisonFjord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought a house for a parking spot.
Arogyth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at my job pretty late, and a new girl was there too, working on a different part of the same project. (For context, we are both engineers.) In previous conversations with her, she seemed pretty cool, and I wouldn't have minded hanging out with her some more outside of work. For some reason, I choked and instead of coming up with some sort of event or thing to do, I asked her if she wanted my number. Then I realized it sounded like I was trying to pick her up, which I wasn't. When I realized that, I back pedaled, and tried to give a good reason for it. I think it was something along the lines of "You know, since you're new here, and I don't really have any friends either."
From there, I just kept digging the hole. We still ended up exchanging numbers, but we never hung out. I moved to a different job a few months later.
mudkipqt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fourth grade my family moved to a different neighborhood in the same city. Me and my childhood best friend who still lived in my old neighborhood coordinated a play date. My parents mom drops me off and leaves. I forget exactly what I did next, but found out he wasn't home from his brother who was leaving. Instead of going inside like it was my house, like I did for years prior to moving, and asking his mom where he was, I spent what seemed like an eternity in his driveway trying not to be seen.
Eventually he comes out of the woods; there was a trail to another close by neighborhood. And said he was at another friends house cuz he thought I was coming later. We played catch for 20 minutes and my mom came and brought me home.
Bogefiend123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doi
jimbolimbo369 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it was the first day of my internship with a pretty big film director. The director came in, and was carrying some film props. A friend of mine there introduced me, and because he was carrying things, extended his elbow to me instead of his hand. So I shoot his elbow. I think he wanted me to do something more akin to a fist bump. It was super awkward, and it still hurts to think about haha.
dorfmcpumpkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked for subway for like two weeks when I was 14, got my dumb ass locked in the walk in freezer for about 5 minutes before the other person on shift was like 'where the hell is this kid' and eventually found me. This concluded my two week career making sandwiches
BunnyFoo-Foo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm English Canadian and my in laws are European.
They would great me with the double kiss cheek thing. I'm pretty uncoordinated and kissed the wrong side of the face first and accidentally kissed my father in law on the lips. I have also kissed his ear. I gave up the kissing and now I just give him hugs which is awkward for him. He kind of stands there frozen.
JellybeanEyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New job. Couldn't remember how to do a specific thing that I had learned to do way back in college. Hid in the bathroom stall with Bluetooth headphones and watched instructional videos on my phone
BenfoSherman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 6 or 7 I had to go to a meeting with my mom at a corporate office. I sat down on the leather couch at reception and played my gameboy. I had been having to go to the restroom for about three hours before we went to the meeting, but for some reason never went. So I just sat on the leather couch and shit in my sweatpants and sat there like nothing happened for about an hour. When the meeting got out and everyone excited the room they all start gagging and covering there nose. Everyone ran to the elevator and my mom grabbed my hand and ran with them to the elevator. I moved to a corner so no one could see the back of my pants. They are start talking about how horrible it smelled and one lady said that it was probably new manure in the plants......In the car my mom said that she should still smell it.....We got home and I took of my pants and superman underware and threw it away.....I have never told anyone.
Wolfpack3451 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In first grade we had reading time and we would all huddle around the teacher while she read the story. Well I was extremely shy and I had to use the restroom. Instead of raising my hand and asking to use the restroom I just shit my pants right there during story time lol. They ended up calling my parents and sending me home haha.
royaalflush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretending to talk on the phone when you're trying to avoid talking to someone.. "Ah yes, how rude of her to speak like that.. yeah no I'm free tonight... Tony said I'll need to wash the car tomorrow.."
sweetmotherofodin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate going in for handshakes. Last night this guy tried to shake my hand and I used the wrong hand and it ended up being like...a hand holding thing for a second. So I was like โhaha awkward handshakeโ and backed away from the conversation.
olandgren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Job interview with a several high-up folks at a team I really respected. They decided to do the lunch thing and took me to sushi. I'd never eaten an edamame before (lol midwestern boy). Nervous as hell, saw a green thing that looked like a snap pea, popped it in my mouth whole. Didn't repeat the mistake but you better believe I swallowed that rather than admitting that I'd messed up badly.
They hired me anyways.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody does this. It's okay.
kryptos19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I continue to cover the built-in videocam lens on my workphone with a sticky note (out of paranoia) even though there is a physical feature on the phone that allows you to slide a piece of plastic over the lens.
Psychotic_Jester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was never very athletic in HS, and usually stood back during sports events.
One day during a basket ball I was doing my usual standing around near the wall when the ball ended up heading in my direction and I caught it. In an akward pre-teen panic I randomly threw the ball back toward the court......right into some girls face.
Girl smacked me, and a nearby teacher who saw the whole thing told me I deserved it.
-___-
Oniknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot someoneโs name after they first introduced themselves and then we ended up having to work together in a group project or something. So I ended up doing verbal gymnastics to avoid using their name instead of just fessing up to not knowing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked 200 blocks to work cause I was too scared to jump the turnstile.
joliesmomma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened years ago. There was this guy (MB guy) who worked in a grocery store. Before I ever saw him, I used to dream about him every now and then. Then when I did see him for the first time, our eyes locked. And not in the romantic movie scene kind of way. The "I can't break eye contact because I dream about you" kind of way. I have no idea why he didn't break eye contact. Anyway, so every day I'd go in there, we always stared at each other. It used to make my heart beat like crazy (no idea why), I couldn't speak around him.... It sounds corny, but it isn't what you think. I swear. So, I'm always trying to help people out, give them rides if I see they walk regularly, help them with groceries, need a hand moving furniture I'm the gal to call. Well, a few months or years go by, I can't remember which one and I was heading to my parents house and saw MB Guy walking. At this point, I had a dream about him at least four times a week. Nothing perverted or anything, just mundane shit like getting something to eat at a fast food joint, watching TV, going to the state fair. Anything and everything of normal day life. Never together in my dreams, always independently but it was driving me insane. Anyway, so I see him walking and stop to see if he needs a ride. I do it for everyone else, why should he be the exception? He says no. So instead saying okay and driving away (this is the dumb part) I blurt out "I dream about you almost every night and I don't know why but it's driving me insane". He just kind of stares at me...... I was mortified. I wanted to die right there on the fucking spot. So I got back in my car and left. Just fucking high tailed it out of there. Well I keep going to the store that he works at but always avoid him and always avoid eye contact after that encounter. I could still feel him staring at me. Anyway, a few months go by and I don't see him. Finally I'm thinking "great! I don't have to feel embarrassed anymore". Well, no. I was wrong. He switched to the meat department. Then another store in another city, then back to my grocery store all in about a year. So once again the intense eye staring contest starts back up. After a few years, I'm less awkward around him. I'm hoping that he forgets all about it. And I end up getting a job in the same grocery store. Man, that was awkward at first. We were in different departments. Well after a year of working there, I moved to produce and he still worked in the meat department. I've been in produce for a year and during the hurricane, they needed help back in meat so they asked me if I could help out. I said I would do what I could. Two days of intense meat wrapping, no awkwardness, we both had a job to do and I loved working back there because of the chaos. I had already been offered a position back there a couple of times but I didn't think I could do it because of him. Also, I'd never had a real conversation with him because..... Well awkward. Anyway, so after the two days, my store manager tells me if I wanna switch departments, he'll let me. I mention it to MB guy and he turns to me and says "Joliesmomma, all it takes is common sense to work back here. You're quick on your feet, you've already accomplished more work in the two days that you've been back here than our new hire has in three weeks. If you DON'T move back here, I'll be mad because you can do this and we need good help back here." So now I'm on the track to moving completely to the meat department. Also, it's no longer awkward between us, and neither one of us has ever mentioned The Encounter.
TL;DR I accidentally stalked a guy who worked in a grocery store, said"I dream about you almost every night" and now we work side by side.
Edit for errors
sunshine98765 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carry litter\waste in my backpack (of course wrapped and sealed) because i was too embarrassed to throw it in the trash at home or office.
openequalsheavier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Delivered a package to an office on the 13th floor of a building. I already felt like people were staring at me. Therefore, when I went through the wrong door, into the stairwell, and the door I went through LOCKED.....I didnโt attempt to knock for them to let me back in, I just walked down the stairs to the bottom in hopes that I would find a way back to where I was parked. Luckily the bottom floor connected to the garage off the stairs.
dtyler86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was at sleep away camp, only for a week though, I held my shit for a whole week because there were girls I liked and was terrified after other boys publicly bullied others when they shit. I never noticed my friends shitting so held it in. That and the toilets were absolutely disgusting.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got into a relationship because breaking it off would be too awkward
shindo_hitman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quite late to the party but i'll give my story anyway.
I was walking to go get some lunch and realised i left my wallet back at my desk. Instead of just turning back, i thought it would be weird to just turn around on the spot and head back in the same direction. I pulled out my phone and loudly pretended to have a conversation about why i'm needed to go back to the office... i didn't get lunch that day.
anxietybecomesher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peed the bed while drunk at a crush's house and claimed I spilt a glass of water in the middle of the night. He believed me and did not change his sheets for weeks. I finally told him months later and he had no clue what I was talking about.
raliviason ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was meant to be at a theatre to run sound effects for a show at 7:30pm. After missing the bus into town, I thought, "No problem, I'll just walk. It's not that far, right?" So after hanging out in town with my friend for about an hour, I end up back at the bus stop. Bus was meant to show up at 6:37pm.... it never showed up. As 6:37pm turned into 6:40 and then 6:45, I texted the man I was working for, and told him that I'd missed the bus. Instead of accepting his offer of a ride back to the theatre, my dumb ass decided to walk the way back to the theatre. Took me half an hour and was cold as all hell outside (middle of winter), but I got there in plenty of time to get ready.
crackiehatesfeet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't carry a tune in a bucket. So I usually stay out of it during family sing a longs (yup a real thing in our family). But I LOVE to sing, so eventually I bust out my tone deaf, single note version of Bad World cause I can't help myself. Everyone suffers in the end.
Dasvidaniya_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
During the summer before 7th grade, I got new neighbours. I lived in the boonies and it was rare to have neighbours with kids, let alone my and my sister's age. These new neighbours had daughters both of our ages.
One day we saw them outside, so my sister and I went outside and started playing catch, and were quietly whispering "you go say hi!" "No! You go say hi!". Finally I got a brilliant idea to "accidentally" over throw the ball. I miscalculated. I pegged their dad in the head with the ball. I hadn't seen him kneeling in the garden... Ooops.
Something I do now, that I've actually been talking to my CBT counsellor about - if I see someone I was friends with before my debilitating anxiety took over my life - I hide behind my SO who is 6.5 feet tall. At 5 feet tall, it makes it easy for me to hide and dash into a different stores to get away. One day I will work up the courage to say hi to people in person again. One day.
m50d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Checked into a hotel in China and was pretty stressed from my flight. Saw in the directory that they had a spa on the third floor that did massages and that sounded like a good idea, went down and said I'd like one, they asked for my room number and told me 10 minutes. In my jetlagged state I'm like ok that's a bit weird but whatever. So the girl comes in and massages me a bit and then pulls out a condom and at that point I'm just too awkward and British particularly with the language barrier to say this wasn't actually what I was after. So I just roll with it and try to get it over with so I can get some sleep.
joliesmomma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, did you sleep any better at least?
m50d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I slept pretty well but maybe I would've done so anyway.
BurningValkyrie19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first day of my first job at Burger King, I went to go get some stuff out of the freezer. The door closed behind me and it didn't have a handle on the inside.
I just stood there with a box of frozen burgers in my arms thinking, "Well, guess I'm gonna die in the freezer on my first day." My manager opened the door and looked at me super confused.
"Uhh, what's going on?"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that I totally brain farted and didn't think to just push the door open.
SARS11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got off the train the wrong stop. Was too embarassed to get back on so I waited for the next train. I was late for school
loveymcfearsome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I accidentally bought 54 beers instead of 30. I left the 24 pack in my cart and forgot to take it out. Was too embarrassed to tell the cashier that I didn't want the 24 pack.
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the opposite of a problem, unless you were strapped for cash.
TheSmallTesticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got too close to the counter at a fast food store when I wasn't hungry and so ended up catching the attention of the attendant and being too awkward to say I didn't want anything, I just bought the cheapest thing on the menu
Megzor06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 6th grade I went to my first after-school club (I can't remember what it was) with snacks and soda, and I had to pee really badly. During school, we had to raise our hands and ask the teacher for permission to leave the room during class to go to the bathroom, and since I was new to middle school, I assumed that I had to ask permission to leave the classroom after school, too. (Turns out I was wrong). So instead of asking one of the adults in the room if I could go to the bathroom (which wasn't even necessary), I decide to pee my pants while sitting in a chair, at a table with a few friends, because I was so fucking awkward and anxious being in a new place. As soon as I was almost done peeing in my chair, I took my sprite and pretended to spill it on my pants, attempting to cover my pee stains and the puddle on the floor. Amazingly enough, everyone believed me and couldn't smell my pee (or maybe they just felt bad for me and didn't mention anything?) and one of the adults in the room took me to the bathroom and helped me dry my pants with the hand dryer. I never went back to that after school club.
G-Money93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once sat by the dinner table eating with some relatives I rarely see. One of them says something I didnt hear, so to not be awkward I just laughed and then ate some more. Then I noticed everyone watching me and Im like "Wait, what did you say again?". Turnes out he asked me a direct question and I was to awkward to ask him repeat it and just pretended to hear what he said.
EnergicoOnFire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Left the gym after getting on an elliptical and it not working after a few strides. Too awkward to ask for help.
crazy_pickle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 6 I burn one of my fingertips with auto cigarette lighter, like hardcore burn, even 21 year later I don't feel much with this finger. And I was so shy, I cried silently even without sobbing, just tears rolled from eyes, but didn't say anything until someone noticed.
mjmccurley94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a few hours ago, my husband and I walked out to the car and I realized it was raining so I said, โOoh, itโs sprinkle dinkles out.โ And I said it loud. To my surprise, we had a new neighbor sitting on the porch who said, โHey neighbor.โ He was an older man. We greeted him back and got in the car.
itsjesssa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This maybe doesn't count because the normal thing would have been to not say anything but: I had a terrible cold and went to buy Sudafed. The lady ringing me up also had a cold so we were talking about medicine and she asked did Sudafed make you sleepy. Instead of being a normal human, I said "No! Its the same stuff they put in METH!" I could hear the word "meth" echoing back into my brain for days afterwards. What the fuck is wrong with me.
yarrowsparrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sophomore lockers in my high school were placed on the lower level of the school, simply because my private school was underfunded and crowded due to budget cuts and inability to upgrade the building. The stairs I ahd to walk down every day to get my stuff for each class was like a death trap; everyday, somebody fell down it, and even if there was an elevator, nobody was allowed to use it.
It was the beginning of the year, a day before fall break, when I basically tossed myself down the stairs. While all my stuff stayed in my hands, I ended up breaking my fibula on the way down. I didn't feel it though, mostly because I was so embarrassed and shocked that my heart decided to toss some adrenaline in my system. I did not say anything to anybody who tried to help me up and instead kept my eyes down as I struggled up and tried to walk.
My notebook fell to the ground, and in my scramble to pick it up again, now even more embarrassed, I leaned heavily to my left, the leg my fibula had broken in. I crumbled and now suddenly realized, 'wow, my leg really does not feel great'. Now I was crying, and my cheeks were red and everybody was staring.
Later that day, I hit myself in the eye while trying to get a piece of gum from one of those aluminum packages. It was a pretty awesome day for me.
aladinn53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i painted my cat yellow. :)
PiratessUnluck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let the warranty on my laptop go by without getting it fixed because I was too terrified of calling the support line.
daisysatellites ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was with my boyfriend of the time and we were grabbing McDonald's for breakfast. We were paying separately so I was waiting behind him and for some reason the people who came in after us didn't understand I was in line. I had 3 people cut in front of me because I didn't want to say anything. After I finally ordered one of the people who had cut me saw me ordering and ran up to me and started apologizing profusely. It was incredibly uncomfortable and not to mention my boyfriend got mad at me for not saying anything.
Wyannor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Note : I live in a country where we have two words for 'you' (the polite/respectful one, and the casual one). So a few years ago I had an internship in a cultural organization. Everyone was quite friendly and I had been told I could address my co-workers casually. But I could never bring myself to use the 'casual you' when speaking to my boss. So during six months I rephrased every sentence I told him so there wouldn't be any 'you' in it. It actually worked.
Aciddro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came out of the store to see another car parked next to mine. This was back in high school and it was a girl I had known for a while but never really talked to. She said hello and complimented my hair. Then I told her she had a nice smile and left
onisshi1807 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'm late to the party, but i hope you can get a kick out of my awkwardness.
I spent the summer with my SO in Japan this year. While he was at work I was basically left to my own devices in our apartment (I was doing a research paper at the time).
After the first week I had urine trouble and I thought, "No biggie, I'll just buy me some cranberry juice." The thing was, my suburby area had no cranberry juice for sale, not in the supermarkets or anything. As a last resort I tried asking at the fruit-shop right next to our apartment.
Surprise surprise, there was no cranberry juice. The nice lady (in her 50s or 60s) had never even heard of cranberries. She tried to sell me other types of juice, but of course, I didn't want any. But she was really nice about it, so I didn't want to be like, 'kthxbai' and walk out of there.
Now instead of politely thanking her and leaving the store, I decided to make up a story about why it absolutely HAD to be cranberry juice and not any other juice. And of course I was too awkward to tell her I had urine trouble so I needed cranberry juice.
My dumbass brain's solution was to tell her that 'someone in my family is ill, and he needs cranberry juice.' I thought I was brilliant. I had avoided the gross issue of urine, and now she could leave me alone!
But the nice lady was too nice. She looked genuinely concerned. "I'm going to the fruit wholesale market later today, maybe I could ask around for you?"
Fuck.
"Nononono I couldn't trouble you for that, I'll just look for it somewhere else..."
"It's no trouble at all! After all, you must be worried about your family, right?"
FUCKFUCKFUKFUKFUKFUK
"It's ok... it's just... uh... I'll order it online and uh.... it's not very urgent.... Thanks!" And I hurry out of there.
I'm never making up a last minute lie ever again. It's all carefully articulated lies from here on out.
groovysloth28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I started going through puberty, I wasn't really quite sure how to tell my mom that stuff was happening so she could buy me razors and pads and everything. But I knew the normal things to expect because she had taught me about it, and I'd started sex ed in school. So when i started growing armpit hair, I spent maybe a week and a half trying to figure out how to broach the subject with her. Then finally one day I walked into a room where I knew she was, pretended I didn't know she was around, lifted up my arm and said "oh wow!" She immediately was like "Oh my goodness sweetie! Blah blah blah" and helped me with it like the normal, accepting woman that she is, and I was just relieved that I'd gotten it over with.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being a pushover and letting others walk all over me.
The sad thing is this happens all the time because many people are feel awkward and have trouble saying no / establishing healthy boundaries.
UrtearinmeapartLisa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 13 I was at a pizza place, and I was ordering some pizza. I didn't have enough money (about five dollars short), so rather than go out and get some money from my mom when she was in her car, I decided to try to take money from the tip jar right by the cashier register. I sort of knew that tips were for the workers, but being the dumb kid I was, I thought it was for the workers to give customers more money if they didn't have enough. Well, after the cash register gave a disgusted face, and the cook said "Dude, what the hell? That's the tip jar!" I realized I was doing something wrong, but yet again, didn't know what it was. Those were the days where I only had book-smarts but only book-smarts, so now at least I am not supposed to take money out of a tip jar if I didn't have enough cash.
MobileBrowns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hit a home run in high school gym whiffle ball, ran backwards to 3rd base and then forward to home plate. ugghghghghggg
Evanort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a man (I'd say 40yo) who lived down my street, next to a store to which I go at least two times a day. He would be out in front of his house all day and he'd always greet me and make small talk every time I walked by, except he sucked at small talk, always revealed a bit too much info about his life and could keep talking for over half an hour if no one stopped him. It got to the point where my family got mad at me because I took 20ish minutes to go to the store, which is no more than a minute's walk from my house, so instead of facing this man I would circle around my entire block and enter/exit the store through the back door.
He moved out a couple of weeks ago and it took me days to find out because I kept sticking to the alternative route to the store. I ran into him this week (he came to visit a friend of his) and, now gladly, sat down with him for a while and we had a little talk about why he moved out and other stuff. I know every detail of this man's marriage, divorce, new girlfriend, sad breakup, reconciliation, subsequent breakup and current possible reconciliation with his old wife but I still can't bring myself to ask his name.
_Bazuzu_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was having sex with my girlfriend, the phone rang. She was frightened and her bud clamped my rod. After that, all actions were very awkward. I had to wear it on his hands. In the kitchen for martini and in the bathroom for a warm shower. After 20 minutes, she relaxed and I was free.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:55 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was on a work trip far away from home and stopped at a service station. the clerk had such a .. let's call it a rural accent that I couldn't understand a word they were saying. after several times of me going like 'sorry, what?' she came to the conclusion that I was hard of hearing and spoke real loud and used simple words. well, that got the message across, but not why she had assumed.
ryo5210 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool, this girl that I had a crushed on and recently confessed to via a letter approached me (*we do not know each others) and asked to borrow the magazine that I was reading. I was so shy and doesn't know how to respond so I just sprint away as fast as I could. That was 11 years ago and she's now married to someone else.
Dank-Man420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me, but my Mum told me when she was younger she really needed to shit while at her boyfriends house but way too embarrassed cos they'd only just started dating. So she shat in his Dads work briefcase and then left.
She cut all ties and never talked to him again
SageRiBardan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was working at the local library as a teenager, the cute slightly older teenage girl who worked there asked me something and I didn't hear her. I said I didn't hear her, then she repeated herself and I still didn't catch it so I said "Oh! I don't do that!" She walked away rather abruptly but I didn't know why...
Turns out she was asking me out, I didn't know that until she overheard me a couple weeks later talking about the new girl I'd met.
jwor024 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately /fortunately not me, but a friend. My mate would've been maybe 15 when this happened. He was in the car with his mum checking out the local 'talent'. A particularly fine lass walked past the car, and my friend started thinking nice thoughts about him and this girl he would never speak to or likely never see again. Now, during those awkward years all lads (I think) have a mate obsessed with pornography and masturbating, this was said mate. Any hoo. He let his thoughts and daydreams get the better of him and developed a raging boner, which he was able to conceal in the sitting position he was in in the passenger seat. No worries, it would settle.
His mum suddenly pulled over on a busy street, handed him some mail and asked him to pop it in the mail box, perhaps 3-4 steps out of the car.
My friend panicked and said no he wouldn't get out and put the mail in the mail box. Much arguing ensued, with his mum getting increasingly angrier. The car was double parked, there were cars behind them waiting to continue their journeys. It was turning into a scene.
My friend 'stood firm' and refused to wilt to his mums request. She angrily drove off to find a park and he was able to get control of his member.
Friend's erection made it too awkward for him to take 3 steps to deliver mail. Royally wound up mum.
CDRNY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too many awkward moments for me to list on here.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I opened my car door for a girl then closed it. Then I said "oh, wait" out loud, fished out my keys that I had put away after the initial unlocking, then I locked her in.
dave_f_b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I full shat my pants in my bedroom because my housemate was using the shower next to the toilet, and I don't like shitting near people. Twice.
notmebutjim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For Christmas when I was 9 I got a knife. Before opening it my parents gave me a rather long talk about how dangerous they are and if I cut myself they will take it away. To which I assured them im smart and understand how to not cut myself. Not 5 minutes later im trying to open a plastic package, one of those dumb hard plastic ones, and the knife slips and slices right into the meat of my palm. Pretty big cut, I felt really stupid. I just put my snow mittens on and put pressure on the cut for a long time.
Nottheknees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At college we have cleaners who three times a week change the bin in our rooms. Everytime they knock before coming in I quickly run into my closet because I'm too awkward to say hello
The_Spicy_Memes_Chef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I showed up later than usual to a college class, and it was the day of our first exam for that semester. Most of the class had already filed in and when I entered, lots of people were standing around...
...Nothing wrong there...
...it was A pretty normal occurence, as students were always chatting and walking around the room before class started, so I just assumed they were socializing.
I proceed to take a seat at a desk, and start busting out the pencils, notes (we were allowed to use one page for formula referencing - t'was a stats course), calculator, scratch paper, etc etc etc.
And then I notice something.
The professor has been walking in between the tables and taking every other chair and placing it on opposite side of table so that everyone was diagonal from their neighbors and couldn't see any tests to their immediate left or right.
And everyone was standing while he arranged the chairs as such. He must have announced this before I arrived. Because I do a quick glimpse behind me and realize I'm the only fucking person sitting. I wasn't expecting this exam ritual of his - it was the first exam of semester like I said, so this shit caught me off guard.
Now, a normal person would just say "oh woops" cue laughter from a few peers followed by lighthearted joke from professor and then stand up and wait on the side with everyone else until he was done.
But as an autistic cringelord, I opted for a different page of the playbook. I remained seated and started looking through my notes as if I was unaware of my mistake still. The professor is approaching my end of the table (long stretch tables, like ~16 people to a row...For visualization purposes).
The professor reaches me. The chair 2 places to my left was placed across the table. Therefore, The chair directly next to me on my left remained where it's at - remember, diagonal pattern.
Yep. The chair i'm in needs to go across the table. I continue looking through notes like I'm unaware of the 50 pairs of eyes staring at me. I've already committed to this play when I first sat down, and I'm not about to change the game plan now. I'm ridin' this thing to the end.
There's silence as the professor realizes he needs to move my chair and I'm seated and seemingly unaware of whats going on. For some reason, the professor says nothing. Not one word.
Instead, he places the chair left of me, across the table...
...and then works his way all the way back down to the end of the table, pulling chairs from across the table, and placing other ones back over the table, essentially reconfiguring the seating pattern to accomodate my position at the table. He had to shift everything one over, to keep the diagonal seating arrangement without having to move my seat.
I can hear snickering and confusion and whispers as the class is watching this 60 year old professor re-do his physical efforts because I'm awkwardly frozen facedown into my notes, waiting for the searing hot awkward moment to finally end but dear god, minutes turn to eras, and I keep thinking "why the fuck didn't i stand up and move?? Well too late now, it'll just be weird now if i did it."
Anyway...failed the exam, failed the course, attempted a 2nd time, withdrew course before imminent failure, dropped out of college with 114 credits of 120 needed for sociology BA. 3 credits would come from that stats course (mandatory course), and the remaining 3 from senior project/practicum (stats completion is prerequisite, so cant even register for this yet).
Sociology program is completed, all other grad reqs completed, straight A's on several previous semesters, aced calculus and trig in high school, aced college algebra req, never was too weak in math, but then....stats.
I just cannot grasp it. Hours of tutoring, one-on-one with instructor, study group with peers...but no. My mind just....there's nothing there. I've suffered through classes I lacked interest in and could still manage to learn the material, but stats...I just don't know why, but my head turns off. I check out.
All that work in college, and nothing to show for it. Cuz muh stats, and not normal stats like mean/med/mode and percentages, decimals, fractions, probability outcome, etc.
No, this HASSSSS to be social statistics. whatever the fuck that is.
Okay I'm rambling. Long story short, I'm now a meth-addicted security guard. All the finals weeks. All the tuition. The studying. The labs. The essays.
And no degree for me. EDUCATION IS SO IMPORTANT GUISE.
Psh. Anyway, that's my weird moment or whatever. Fuck stats.
xsyruhp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually have a good story for this one. Back in elementary school I was trying to prank my locker mate by hiding in the locker and scaring him once he came to school. Unfortunately, he didn't show up that day and I couldn't manage to get out on my own so I started screaming and banging the locker. Someone from the office found me and I blamed a 4th grader I knew only by name, saying he pushed me into the locker and ran away.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
OurLadyOfTheChickens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe that was the blessing he needed to be placed in housing
KittyWingsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time I took pizza from the shared break room at work. We had been having meetings every night for a new system but the managers had their meetings during the day. I thought it was left over from the previous night and grabbed a slice. As I heated it up a lady I didnโt recognize (and I assumed was a manager from one of our other offices) gave me a dirty look. In that moment I thought I had stolen the pizza that had been catered that morning for lunch. I didnโt want to be seen eating it so I literally ate the pizza in a stairwell.
aaleon0823 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was super awkward in middle school. One time my 6th grade teacher called me out to the hallway to praise me on my professionalism in a group project the day before. As she turned to look back into the classroom, I thought she was turning her face as a signal that she wanted me to kiss her cheek so I did. She just looks at me and says "thank you". Realized after I walked back in the class that she was in fact not wanting a kiss on the cheek.
nxcrosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was lining up to pay for groceries and was halfway to the counter when i realized I was in the priority lane for people with disabilities and there were actually some behind me. So I limped the rest of the way to the cashier instead of switching lanes.
John_Miles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People who organised a big council Party that my wife worked at announced, at the end, that the remainder of the food could be doggy bagged if people wanted some.
To my wife's horror, drunken me waltzed over to an untouched 24" by 8" high black forest gateaux, picked it up, and walked out of the building beside her with it.
Her complete embarrassment was compounded when, half way down the stone steps outside the building, I tripped and dropped the gateaux.
To a resounding 'whoopsey', I walked around the 10 foot long smear of cake on the pavement, grabbed my wife by the arm, and walked her around the cake and away; as any perfect gentleman would.
Mightypeter3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been getting guitar lessons since March from a really awesome teacher whose taught me a lot! But I never asked his name so at this point I have no idea what his name is
kerbotron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on a guy at my high school. We were talking one day after school and it came out he liked me too. I was horrified at the prospect of an impending date, because I was insanely shy and scared of boys at this time in my life. The next day when I saw him coming through a crowd, across the cafeteria, to square away the details of our date, I decided to HIDE UNDER A TABLE until he left! Why I thought that was a good idea, Iโll never know.
widermind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably me as a little kid peeing in my pants since i was too shy to ask to go to the restroom.
T680 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a kid I went to watch a show where the slope of the audience (you know how each row is on a higher level so everyone can see?) was the steepest I'd ever seen. The top of one chair ended at the foot level of another. So naturally I rested my feet on the top of the seat in front of me. Enter lady who sits on the row in front of me and nonchalantly rests her arm on the empty seat next to her. Right on my feet. For most of the hour long show I couldn't concentrate on the show and only on her arm on my feet and how to get it off. Eventually I just sucked it up and shifted my legs off the seat. I can't imagine what she thought had happened but it wouldn't have been good because she proceeds to propel herself off the seat, electric shock style.
bonerubber22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in third grade, I accidentally walked into the guyโs bathroom and there was another kid in there who had just finished using the bathroom. Instead of backing out I said hi to him :/
Ardub23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a GameStop near me that I don't know how to drive to. Like, I know where it is, and I could tell you at any time what direction it's in and how far, but when I'm actually on the roads they all go in the wrong direction. I'm pretty sure that being physically inside an automobile causes the geography to warp and prevent me from reaching it. Every single other building in the area exists within normal Euclidian space, but this GameStop is encompassed by wormholes whenever I'm driving. So instead I park in a different parking lot and walk about a block, every time.
jakeollinge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but witnessed it first hand.
Was at an event at a swanky rooftop having a conversation with two of my buddies (we'll call them R and C). Theres this really tall dude who's been swanning 'round the bar all night acting like a bit of a twat because he "promoted the event" walks past us.
R says to C: "Who is that guy?"
To which C replies: "Ah I met him before, he's a douche bag."
As it turns out, the promoter guy was in ear shot, so he turns round and says "I agree..".
At this point C panics, he doesn't know where to look, this guy has a solid foot of height on him. So, in his blind panic of the social faux pas he's just made, C reaches out with his index finger and touches this guys nipple whilst simultaneously saying "Nipplllleeeee!" With an upwards inflection.
Tall guy was dumbfounded, everyone else went back to their respective conversations and the whole thing was forgotten until the next morning.
Best awkward panic reaction I have ever seen.
reusablethrowaway- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I attended the wrong gym class for a week. It was a giant school with multiple gyms and several PE sections going on at once, but our schedules only had "GYM" listed for the room, so I didn't know where to go. The teacher's name was listed, but I didn't know what he looked like. So on the first day of class, I found a male teacher and some people in my grade I knew and thought, "This must be the right class." Then he called attendance and my name wasn't on there. Whoops. I was too embarrassed to ask where my class was supposed to be and didn't want to admit to friends in the class that I had gone to their class by mistake, so I just kept attending.
Eventually, I got called to the attendance office because I had been marked absent for gym every day for that week. I shamefully admitted what had been going on, and they cleared me (which was a big relief). I think I lied and told my friends I had been moved to even out the class sizes or something. Who knows if they believed me.
BatmansBumBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is filled with anxiety and zero confidence
BloodAtonement ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tried to drink a handle of rum instead of playing it cool and having one beer.
little_fire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went to upgrade my iphone recently but they didn't have the colour I wanted, so they told me to go to their other store in the same mall and see if they had one there (they couldn't call across and check because one was privately owned). I left to find the other store but got horribly lost because I have a shit sense of direction, and thought I was walking up to the other store when the same staff member came walking out for their break and spotted me, saying "Oh, they didn't have any? No worries, I've put the last phone on hold for you, just go in and grab it". I'd basically done a giant loop and come back to the same store from a different angle, thinking I'd made it to the second store. It was too embarrassed to explain that I'm an idiot so I just bought the phone in the colour I didn't want.
Hitlerov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First month of college they had a red rose sale for sweetest day in the cafeteria in my dorm. There was a girl I was infatuated with. You could have the flower delivered to the person's dorm. Instead of just filling out the little "from" card, I autistically wrote a long stupid note and asked the girls running the sales table to deliver it to her along with the flower. I don't know what the hell I was thinking and still cringe hard at the thought of what happened next.
Turns out that the girls running the sale were her best friends and immediately opened the note and started laughing as I glanced over in horror. I ended up having a few classes with the girl and couldn't even work up the nerve to speak to her. A few months later, my friends and I (along with the rest of the physics class) were working on some difficult computer lab homework. After a particularly brilliant breakthrough on one of the hard problems, I was feeling pretty good. I look up and dreamgirl walks right up to me and says "Oh my god, you got #17 correct? Please help me! How did you figure it out??"
My response?
"...."
and then in my head I'm screaming "say something! Say something cool! Okay say something about the answer! How did you get it? Just show her your work....come on man! What the fuck SAY A WORD!!! JUST SAY SOME FUCKING WORDS!!!!"
"..."
She looks really puzzled as I stand there trying to make any sort of sound come out. My buddy jumps in and says "here, we worked it out like this..." and starts showing her.
Everybody in the computer lab witnessed my frozen weirdness.
I can't even think about it without cringing.
The worst part is that almost all of those people know me as a jovial, outgoing goofball. I still ask myself why it happened and what about this girl made me turn into a retarded mute. Maybe I was supposed to end up with her? I guess I'll never know.
PPPAdvertisingBot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to go the menโs restroom at a store, think itโs locked because I pull and itโs a push door (or vice versa, I donโt remember). I think they must be single occupancy rooms so I just go into the womanโs. Itโs not but I really need to pee so I just go in the first stall. I start peeing but then someone else comes in. I finish up then make a quick escape while they are in the other stall. Someone outside gives me a strange look as a I walk out.
I was extremely tired at this time and it was a riveting experience that I hope to never repeat. No idea why I didnโt try both push/pull on the menโs door.
Rachelyse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We just finished dinner at my inlaws' and my stomach was gurgling hardcore. I needed to poop but no way was I blowing up their bathroom. So we leave and I tell my husband we need to stop at the grocery store so I can rush to the bathroom. I'm speed-walking up to the ladies room when another lady walks in first. Damn! I pace around for a minute then walk in. Only 2 stalls. Awesome -_- I get in my stall and pretend to do other things to buy time. Crinkle the toilet seat cover, start unrolling tp, fiddle with my purse... not working. She's taking her sweet time on the John and not leaving me to do my business. We both sit there, neither one going to the bathroom for 5 minutes. I finally give up and leave, telling my husband to drive home fast. Why can't I just have explosive diarrhea next to someone I don't know in another stall?!?!
farineziq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once was invited to eat chinese fondue with my friend's family. There were a few different kinds of meat we would cook in the broth, including chicken. One time, I didn't wait long enough for my chicken piece to cook and when I put it in my mouth, it was very rough and clearly still undercooked but I was too embarrassed to spit it out. I politely ate raw chicken.
edugcj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened to two trainees of my company.
I am an accountant and I had a meeting with this client, a huge italian company with a branch in Brazil (3k+ employees here in Brazil), the meeting was with the president, vp, controller, directors, etc and I was going with my partner. When we arrived there, the secretary said "the meeting has already begun", as we enter the meeting room, we saw two trainees from our company sitting at the table, visibly very nervous and sweating, then I asked them what they were doing...
Happened that they were sent earlier by another departament to get some files but the company staff thought they had been sent to the meeting.
Instead of saying that they were there just to get files, they were so nervous about entering in the meeting room with the board that they did not say anything, just sat there for about 20 minutes!
When they explained what was happening, everyone laughed a lot! The trainees blushed and left the meeting room ashamed. This happened a few years ago, but I always laugh a lot when I remember.
berniemax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if this was more awkward for me or the other person. My friend was going to pick me up in his van and he said he was on his way. He is usually close by so it takes him like 5 minutes to get to my house. I saw a van and assumed he arrived and that he just went to the liquor store next to my house. I vaguely remembered seeing his wife before, but I wasn't sure. So being the awkward person that I am, I hop in the back of the van without saying hello and sat there for like 2, 3 minutes. I was just thinking in my head why she was tagging along. Next thing you know, I see him pulling up to my driveway. I tell the lady, wait, you're not with so and so? I just rushed out of there lol.
Jizzy_Gillespie92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High school in year 7, hot girl that was into me called me over to her and her group of friends on the last day of the semester and said she was moving schools and asked for my number.. me being the shy, socially awkward person I was, laughed and then left to head home.
whywhywhy
ChubbyWubawoos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a crush on this girl whom I tried becoming friends with by... asking about her classes... every time I ran into her because I'm too weird to talk about normal things.
jrm2007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got one that has been bothering me for a while:
A much older relative thought he had to move his car to let someone else get out of the driveway. Then I was told to go tell him it was not necessary. By the time I got there, I saw him crawling over the back seat because the driver's side door was blocked and he was almost upside down. I did not say anything because I did not want him to know I had seen him that way. I think he ended up moving the car for nothing.
interbission2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I used to catch the train every day to school, I often wouldn't get time to eat much before leaving. For an easy snack on the go, I'd bring chopped up carrot sticks and eat them on the train.
One day I dropped a carrot stick on the floor of the train and it landed directly between a teenage boy's legs.
I had no idea what to do. Did I bend down to pick it up, risking head butting the boy in the crotch from the swaying train? Did I ask him to pick up my gross half eaten carrot? I couldn't just leave it because he saw definitely me drop it. I was too awkward and embarrassed to think of a solution, so I just turned to my friend and laughed hysterically until I felt a tap on my shoulder.
The boy just handed it to me and without saying a word.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one time for 47 years
Kekekiwi804 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upon arriving to a little lake with my friend and her really cool chill dad I realized I needed to pee bad. But you didnโt even have to explain to young me that this wasnโt going to happen in the 1.5min I had left before I emptied my bladder. We had waited all day to go and walked for 34min. Also I was scared to tell her cool dad to please take me pee, thatโs not cool, and heโs the coolest. So thereโs no restroom in sight....... so what do I do????? Pee. Right fucking there in the lake, and thatโs perfect, better than the pool right?.... WRONG!!!!!! When we left and went to McDonalds next I reeked of piss so bad I felt ashamed. Everybody could smell the shame on me a mile away.
twehz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but my father's friend. This story kills my sides every time I hear it.
He was meeting his parents in law for the first time. They were having dinner at her parents house. During dinner he felt the need to take a shit. He asked her parents where the toilet was and they pointed at a door just a couple of meters away. He thought to himself I have to be quiet so they don't notice, just a quick in and out.
The bathroom wasn't spacious and there wasn't any lock, just a keyhole. The sink could be reached from the porcelain throne.
As he stepped into the bathroom and came up with brilliant idea to take a square of toilet paper in his hand and let his asshole gently lay it on the sheet. This was to minimize the splashing sound. He leans on the sink as he proceedes to squeeze it out. His hand slips on the porcelain sink and experiences weightlessness for a brief moment before he slams onto the bathroom floor. She and her parents came storming in to see if he was okay. But all they saw was a grown man holding his turd on the bathroom floor.
cydalhoutx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
En route to a college accounting class, I saw I had about 15 mins til my class started. The halls were empty and it was nice casually walking to class. I figured by the time I get to class it would of started. In my own thoughts nothing was out of the ordinary and so I went into my class and went to my seat. My seat was the furthest away as possible and I had to walk towards the teacher and cross every row and then back down the last row. Basically I did a U in the class. The teacher just stared at me but I at this point thought I was very late because of the look on his face. A few mins in and the class ends and that's when I realized I walked faster than I thought and walked into the class before mine in the most noticable way possible. Ugh
Bedheadredhead30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got my period in the middle of the night while sleeping over at a new boyfriends apartment. He left for work in the morning and I stayed in bed, woke up a few hours later to the sheets absolutely covered in blood. I looked around for a washer/dryer but found none so I decided I'd wash the sheets in the bathtub then hang them to dry until he got home that night. Ten minutes after starting the process I get a text saying he got called off at work and would be coming home early. I was to embarrassed to tell him what happened so I just put the sheets back on the bed soaking wet, covered it with the comforter and left. He asked me about it the next day so I just pretended I knew nothing about it and never spoke of it again.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, at least buy him a new one!
Bedheadredhead30 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:49 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I thought about doing that, also thought about taking it to a laundromat but then I remembered I didn't have any way of getting back in to his apartment to replace the sheets since I didn't have a key.
If you meant I should have bought him new sheets after the fact, you are right but then I'd have had to admit I was the wet sheet culprit all along!
Pigeon_Lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:38 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I was going to ask this girl out, back in the days of sophomore year of high school. She was a lass I was very interested in, and so I had been working up the courage to ask her out, running things I would say over and over again in my mind. I finally go to ask her to a movie and coffee afterwards. I choke the words out, having lost all of my preparation in the heat of the moment. So, what do I do? I go to leave the room after a short, curt 'Alrighty.'
The dumb part was, I didn't turn the doorknob to leave the room. I walked straight into the door. Solid oak doors, too. After that, I turn to the girl, nod, and then successfully walk out of the door, into the teacher who was carrying textbooks. Not a pleasant experience.
meekmillan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 11th grade I was at lunch when my friend said I dropped my phone. I thank him and pick it up and lunch ends. We go to the bathroom together (strictly business, not pleasure) and I pull my phone out and realize that this isn't my lock screen. We both realize that I picked up the phone belonging to the guy next to me. Instead of giving it back like a human and explaining what happened I just kept it and hoped he'd never realize and I'd slip it into his locker, bag, etc. later that day a group of his friends confronted me and proceeded to harass me and demand for the phone as I silently handed it over and never spoke to them again. we had multiple classes together and played on the same baseball team.
R34CTz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I asked a girl to be my girlfriend by asking her if she likes chicken. I don't know why or how it worked but it did. I still look back at that day and cringe.
srentiln ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:43 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Back in grade school, I had teachers thinking I was two different people, based on how they did their role call. I've always gone by my middle name because my dad has the same first name (thankfully, I'm not a jr.), so when teachers would ask us our names, I gave them my middle name and last name. However, because of how documents are done, the ones that just called out our names from the school's official lists knew me by my first name and often didn't even think of the possibility of a middle name. This happened for years until a teacher decides to tell me about their interesting conversation with my past teachers at the school where they didn't even realise they were all talking about the same person...
metroplex126 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At my high school when you go into the lunch line, there are panes of glass that separate the lunch line from the rest of the cafeteria. That day, I decided to look at the food the cafeteria was serving . I didnโt realize there was a person ordering food in front of me behind the glass, and they started laughing because they thought I was staring at them. Instead of going in the lunch line and explaining what I was doing, I walked off and waited for 15 minutes and came back to get my food after making sure they were gone.
EsrailCazar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I apparently had one of those crushes where you clam up and don't know what you are even doing when s/he gives you attention, it happened when he stopped by my deli and ordered food and I was so shy I couldn't even look up at him until I handed him his order and said bye. This was all made worse because I was and still am in a relationship and so many things were racing through my mind then that I just shut up and hoped my face wasn't red.
OOH, another one! I was seeing my future husband and after a couple of hours of sex I really needed to pee but the bathrooms were taken up...so I grabbed one of those large gas station cups he had laying around and nearly filled it while we sat on the edge of the bed in silence. He didn't flip out, he just made a comment about how weird it was and we now laugh at it.
pandademics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Swallowed toothpaste at a slumber party because the other girl was hogging the sink
RanLesom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pretended that I speak on the phone when I did not want to talk to anyone
coffeebeanbaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time my mom had a lady come over to clean our house, and I didn't know about it, so when she got there I hid behind the dining room table (which was VERY obvious bc of my house structure). I hid there for at least half an hour before my mom distracted her long enough for me to scurry away.
Draz825 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After college, I got hired for a job at a DVD Duplicator/Riding Train company. No, I have no idea why they did both of them. Anyway, the Secretary at the front desk was incredibly beautiful. The first day I walked in, I saw her and awkwardly tripped on the entry carpet. She didn't notice, thankfully. Second day, I did the same thing again. Third day, I told myself there is absolutely no way this is going to happen again... After tripping on the carpet a third time in a row, I decided to take the side stairs and bypass the main lobby. And every day after that until I got a new job.
Ikhlas37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last night, got in the lift pressed floor 10, it didnโt light up but the button lights are a bit faulty. It didnโt stop at ten, the group in the lift saw me press ten but in my head it was far less awkward to press 20 (they were going to 19 and embrace it.
I got off at 20, and the lift to go down had just opened and i saw someone going in (and they saw me) so i waited on floor 20 for 5 mins waiting for the next lift to take me back to floor 10.
seegodada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My family was very religious and they expected me and all my cousins to be at church every Sunday. They didnโt know I never went and I would always sneak off to my cousins house. My cousins house is a two story house with an upstairs patio thingy outside, donโt know what theyโre called.
One Sunday, one of my uncles, who is a reverend, decides to make a stop at my cousins house during church time. Most definitely to mess with me. I drop nuts as soon as I hear him talking to my older cousins downstairs. He kept dropping hints that he knew I was hiding out upstairs, talking loud enough for me to hear.
Instead of being normal and going downstairs I decide to sneak out and climb down the side of my cousins house from the upstairs patio thingy.
I felt like Spider-Man but I know I looked really weird sneaking out of my own families house.
amdnivram ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had a job interview that just gave me signs to run away at every turn but I was offered the job at the end and didn't know how to say no. I work there now and hate every shift...
BatteredRose92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My ex, the first guy I ever lived with, I refused to go #2 for two weeks. I wouldn't even fart. I was scared he would know. At the end of the two weeks I was crying in pain and decided to tell him. He laughed at me and farted. So naturally, we just has gas wars the 2 1/2 years we lasted.
Oddworld- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a detour when walking to a friend's house to avoid a lollypop man. The detour took an extra 20 minutes and I got lost but goddammit I won't let someone tell me when and where to cross a road!
tsoleary39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me: hello "friends dad", how are you? Friends dad: yes good, yourself? Me: yes I am well; and you?
Klim_Bazhenov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spilled hot coffee all over myself by checking the time on my wrist watch
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let bad romantic relationships for on far too long to avoid the unpleasantness of a breakup.
wanker7171 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya I'm too ashamed to join this one
Guestwhos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late but I'll contribute.
Long time ago, I went to best buy to buy some ram, nerve racking as that was. The employee grabbed some and handed it to me, I saw it was the wrong kind... I bought it anyway because I didn't want to say anything.
Went to a different best buy to return it and a get the right kind.
Yep. Not sure how I wound up turning into nearly opposite of that now.
gahdamimflyaf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around 5 years ago when I use to go to church, every year all the churches that were linked to our church would hold a retreat in Korea for a few weeks. During those weeks, the students had to follow a schedule that started at 5am so essentially we would all be pretty tired to start the day. We were staying at this building with about 6-7 floor so there were elevators. There was one elevator that wasn't meant to ride on but one of those elevators that was meant to transport like machinery and heavy materials but this elevator was no longer functioning. Perfect. Everyday me and 3 of my friends, when we had to wake up and go to prayer meeting or whatever would sneak in to the elevator w our sleeping bags and squish in the elevator to get some extra sleep. Well one day we woke up and decided to sneak back and wash as if nothing happened like usual. We open the elevator doors and we see a huge circle of pastors having a meeting right in front of the elevator. Omg it was so awkward and scary. But imagine from the pastors eyes seeing 4 kids who look like they just woke up carrying sleeping bags coming out of an elevator that wasn't even functioning walk out when they should be in a prayer meeting. We literally walked with our heads down so scared but the pastors didn't say ANYTHING lmao. I imagine they were all the like "what...the...fuck.." that they didn't know what to say. Still cracks me up how awkward it was.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was intimidated such that I felt that peeing my pants was a good solution in junior high. Photography class. In the dark room. Need to pee. Photos about a half an hour from finished in the chemicals. Teacher is arrogant bald angry guy. Remember teacher saying never ever to leave darkroom. Try to respect his instruction. Problem. Must piss. Open the spinning darkroom door. Take a couple of tiptoe steps. "Purgatory_Dog! Get back in there immediately!" Everyone in class now staring at me. Don't want to say I have to pee in front of entire class. Go back in. Desperately rack brain for solution. Check drains in floor. Can't see them in the dark red light. Consider pissing in the sinks. Would have to climb up on several large instruments and pee off of it directly into the drain. 20 minutes go by. I'm about to piss myself. Think-- "What if I just fuckingpissed myself on purpose? It's going to happen anyway. I can't climb up there ffs." Relax and piss my pants. Long piss. Think-- "Ok now what?" Needs to evaporate. Develop pictures perfectly while fanning crotch and thighs. Someone comes in and asks if I'm almost done. I say yeah, hang the prints, and exit with negatives. My plan-- hunch over; pull bottom of t-shirt over knees; walk like this until dry. I did it. People noticed but thought I was just being weird as usual (known as class clown). Ride out the class. Go to bathroom after class. Furiously squeeze pants crotch with paper towels in stall. Still wet. Resume t-shirt ploy. Lunch. Get some laughs for the t-shirt walk. Then after the next class, pants are motherfucking dry. No one knew a god damn thing. I was so proud. I pissed my pants on purpose to avoid grumpy teacher and embarassment, and got away with it. Next day I bragged about how I pissed my pants the day before and no one knew. Mixed reactions, mostly confused.
anthropost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[middle school; aged 12]It's a bit weird. The "normal thing" would have been to ask her out and deal with whatever happened. What I did was communicate that I liked her through friends and social media (AIM). When she did not respond or reciprocate, I made strange faces at her (clearly communicating that I was displeased with her choice in the most autistic way)....it didn't end up well. I was ostracized and bullied all of my middle school and high school years.
tenderwarrior77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first full time job at 16 was in a small wholesale business. My role was the storeman, so I spent all my time in the warehouse, only going into the office rarely. I knew that there was a kitchette out the back of the office, but as I was very shy I never used it, as this would have meant making eye contact and awkward conversation with the cute receptionist. Had I been out the back more, I would have noticed that off to the side of the kitchenette we had TOILETS! For the first 6 months or so, I had been doing Number 1's in an empty drink bottle, and Number 2's in my lunch break at a gas station a mile up the road... It would be obvious to most that a small business would have toilet facilities, but not I...
This doesnt really fit but another thing I was always perplexed at was how people who I knew KNEW my last name. I of course knew their full names, but for some reason never thought they would know mine, which made me feel equally suspicious and amazed!
jackson_doplan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was like 12 at the time. This girl i found attractive asked me for a hug and i kinda just raised my arms (straight up) above my head and held them there while walking into her. Yeah i was an awkward child.
Daemonblackfyre0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laughs in anxiety
Lisaista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Our kitchen at our office is small so it's awkward to not greet someone especially if you're the only one it in. I also know our kitchen coffee maker takes about two minutes to brew depending on which type you choose, so if I see someone standing alone waiting for their coffee as I'm walking to the kitchen, I'll veer off to the bathroom wait for a minute then go back to avoid making small talk.
jacavo7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a friend's house and they had these sticks for lighting candles in a little holder for them, and I was playing with them and accidentally broke the sticks, so instead of just saying that I accidentally broke it and apologizing, I said I had to leave right away, hid what I broke, and left.
boulzar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking with my friend once. He kept looking at his phone and there was this girl waving at us. I went ahead to make a really confused face as i did not recognize her but waved back anyway(she looked real good). It wasnt until we walked up to her(she was kinda far) that my friend looked up and told me he knew her. I awkwardly stood there as they had a chat.
Rich-P ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:21 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went to visit my sister when I was about 10 years old. Her block of studio apartments had a communal toilet that was down a couple of flights of stairs. I woke up in the night needing a wee. I decided that, rather than walk down the stairs and potentially wake anyone up, I would go in my sisters flat. I had the choice of a small shower in the corner of the room or a bin. My mother and sister both awoke to the sound of me pissing into the bin. Iโll never forget the shame of seeing my sister carrying a bin bag full of piss outside the next morning. Why I didnโt choose the shower Iโll never know.
SercaN035 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like helping people in need if or whenever I can. There is a feeling a reflex action within me that I cannot control when the help needed could be given by me. So in one of those situations I directly asked in English to a woman if she needed help to get to where she wants in the elevator of an airport and tried to reach her with different words but still in English until the doors opened and her husband walked in and they greeted themselves in my mother tongue.
Her "mental" saying looks on me still haunts me.
inesperfectdrug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was starting to date my SO at 17, I was crazy awkward with his mom and stepdad. We lIved in different towns, so every weekend I went over to meet him at his house. Upon arrival, he informs me that his grandmother (his mothers mom), had passed away that morning, but he also told me to not say anything to his mom about it. So... We get to his house and his mom is just leaving to go make the arrangements for the funeral; she is surprised to see me and exclaims "Ines, you're here today?" To which I answer "of course! I'm your surprise of the day" .... We're still dating (10 years have gone by) and I REALLY hope she doesn't remember this disaster of a conversation...!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last time I had roommates, I didn't know 1 of the 2 of their names until 6 months after moving in.
Story: I toured the place after searching on Craigslist for roommates and met with one guy, who introduced himself as X (his name is not important.) The apartment looked good and the price was fair, so I asked him if anybody else had been touring through. He told me "some guy named Mohammed came through but we couldn't have that." The guy I was talking with was Arabic, so I didn't quite know what to think, but my instinct was to think that it had to be racism or anti-muslim or something. I didn't really question him on it, and in the end the deal was very good, so I moved in despite my reservations about the roommate being a bigot. It was a month-to-month deal so I knew I had a way out, if it was really that bad.
Then I met roommate #2, who was also Arabic, but I didn't catch his name. I was too awkward to just be like "yo didn't catch your name" and so for 6 goddamned months, whenever talking to this guy, it was "Hey" instead of "Hey ___".
Turns out roommate 2's name is Mohammed, and they didn't want the confusion of having to communicate/differentiate between Mohammed #1 and Mohammed #2 in the same apartment.
Anal_Apple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once blacked out and woke up at a friend's house. She let me sleep on her bed while she slept on the living room couch. I woke in the middle of the night and felt bad when I realized the situation. So I woke her up and told her to just sleep in her room instead, and that I'd take the couch. A couple minutes later she comes back out and asks, "...why is my bed wet...?" I fucking pissed the bed and didn't even notice. I told her I accidentally spilled water and just left as fast as I could. I still think about her at times, but fuck I can never face her again.
TheAngryBrian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:59 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to do janitorial work in an office building and hated that this one security guard would always try to say hi to me every time I passed by their post. It got to the point that I devised numerous ways to avoid contact with her. All because I couldn't just smile and wave.
xiaolongbao1114 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time when I was going to the church, I saw someone I knew from the church walking in front of me. She was also heading to the church which I was going to. Her walking pace was slower than me, which meant that I would catch up to her before arriving to the church. I didn't want to walk with her because I didn't have anything to talk with her (I wasn't close with her) and also didn't want to walk past her because it would make me looked rude. So I stopped in the nearby convenient store for some time until she was far enough, then I continued walking.
ZanyDelaney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Melbourne where trams are really common. For ages (might have been months) after I regularly started catching trams, I'd never pull the cord to signal the driver the stop at the next stop. I'd hope someone else would. If they didn't I'd ride past the stop until someone pulled the cord.
Chillacube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:59:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party so this will probably go unseen, but:
When I was 12 years old I watched an american football practice to decide if I want to join.
On the way back home, I needed to get out at a specific spot so I could get my tram.
The name of that stop changed, so I didn't notice that I passed it, and was too awkward to ask the driver when I should get out, so I sat in that bus for 90 minutes before taking the bus back, sitting in there for another 75 minutes where I finally got picked up by my mother.
nothing_to_feel_here ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High school rugby try outs. I misread the time and went to the junior try out (was a senior at the time). Destroyed about 3 or 4 kids when they started complaining I was too old.
Ended up not making the senior team anyway.
krakatoa619 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sit beside my boss in bus, when others seat is available and empty! Gosh, what an awkward ride.
johndoe800604 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We use to take smoke breaks in the back yard of the place I worked at. This girl invited me to go smoke, and I followed her out. She was already at the outside door, and when I came out through the first door I saw her and for some reason ran toward her and pretended to jump and knee her like in a movie or something. I kneed her on the groin and she fell on the floor. We both pretended it didn't happen and walked outside.
MexicanJeebus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once when I was about 16 i was looking to get my first job at a pizza shop that one of my dad's acquaintances managed. His name is Ray. My name is Jake. Well I called Ray's cell phone and left the following message..." Hi Jake, this is Ray-" I immediately hung up and hated myself more than I ever have in my life. I didn't get the job.
JamesandtheGiantAss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This boy I liked came to see me and I had heard through friends that he liked me too and was going to ask me out. I was super excited, but got so nervous that I pretended I needed to go into the house to get something. Instead I ran out the back door and climbed up into a tree and hid. A 14 year old human, hiding in a tree to avoid talking to a boy she liked.
slimkt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I quit smoking, I had gone from buying a pack a day to cold turkey without cigs for almost a year. One day, I got a promotional coupon for a free e-cig and since I still occasionally got cravings, I decided Iโd hit up the same gas station I used to buy my smokes at and grab one. The cashier handed me my e-cig but then the manager behind me recognized me and expressed surprise at how long itโd been. Instead of just telling them I quit smoking (as sheโs passing me an e-cigarette, mind you) I decided it was easier to just lie and say I moved for school and was just back in town for the weekend. They trapped me in small talk over my rapidly-growing elaborate lie and I had to full on commit. Somehow it got to the point, I told her I was just visiting family before leaving to study abroad. I quickly found myself addicted to nicotine once again and would find myself heading to the gas station before remembering my lie and that I could never go back for fear of being found out.
gillitvblog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the middle of a board game, I stood up to get another beer (a few feet from the game table) but had to remove the gallon of milk from the fridge to get the beer. I picked up the jug, and matched eyes with a non-high friend of mine, for some reason thought I'd make him laugh by pretending to pour the milk on my head. The cap was not on the jug properly. My friend watch as stoned-me took a gallon of milk and poured it on my head. Everyone was just as confused as I was as there was no rhyme or reason for any of it. My explanation for why it happened wasn't very valid.
the_dogeranger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a girl to whip my back with a towel cause I was too embarassed that I forgot my towel and knew that noone would share their's if I asked.
Njordir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 10th grade we were on this weeklong activity-camp and did some rafting and shit, everything was cool beans.
This were in rural Norway, far from everything, so the food was meant to last and stay edible for a longer time period, but there was something about this food that made my stomach act funny.
Two days in, were going rafting in a group of maybe 7-8 classmates and my stomach has had enough of this processed, weird tasting food. So there I stand, fully geared in wetsuit and protective equipment, and we're next up. I really need to go.
Instead of asking for a quick bathroom break, i climb into the boat, and the first wave or whatever, I soil myself in this horrendous, liquid death. It seeps out through the wetsuit and into the boat.
So there we are, me and 7 other classmates, rafting in a shitfilled boat.
I never understood why I didn't ask.
sharon-carter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doot'ed my Octopus transport card to enter the station. Lady in front of me somehow manages to push the turning gate twice, so she pushed once for her card and once for mine. I can't get in because my card wouldn't open a gate at the same station if I hadn't gotten off at another one. (To prevent a bunch of people using the same card, I suppose? idk)
Instead of going to Customer Service Center to ask them to reverse it, I bought a ticket with coins.
I used the ticket to enter the station. But at the station I got off at, I used my Octopus card. So now I have a ticket for collecting. Keep in mind that in Hong Kong the tickets are glossy, hard, waterproof plastic that's brightly colored and they're swallowed by the machine when you leave, and are reused. Not a black and white one use only piece of paper. They look like souvenirs- google them. I felt pretty guilty to have it.
Doesn't seem so stupid, but I could have saved something like $15 HKD if I wasn't so scared of talking to people
TheLastSparten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I locked myself out on the balcony in my first week at university. I had a phone on me so I could have called someone in the house to come and let me in, or failing that I could have knocked on the windows until someone noticed. Instead I decided I'd climb over the fence and climb down to my the ground since it was one storey up, and walk round to the front door and let myself in normally.
What actually happened was I lowered myself a couple feet down the 10 foot drop, landed on my back and cracked a few ribs which was hell until they healed around Christmas, 3-4 months later.
whistlingbudgie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:48 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a good friend I met through an online roleplay community. Her character was male, so for the longest time, I thought she was a guy, too. She initially didn't bother correcting me because, hey, it's just roleplay, and we weren't going to become IRL friends. Except we did, and we got really close, around when I helped "him" come to terms with "his" sexuality when "he" got a boyfriend. This culminated in me inviting "him" to my wedding.
My friend decided the situation had gone on too long and there was no way to recover, and kept coming up with cover-ups (couldn't share photos because of work, didn't have a working webcam/mic, etc. etc.) to avoid having to tell me I'd made a mistake. She pretended to be a gay man for a year and a half because it was less awkward than admitting the mix-up. It only came out when she finally decided she couldn't miss my wedding over this whole shenanigannery and just fessed up to it.
kerbalspaceanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was meeting (my now ex) girlfriend's new friend. I should preface this by saying attractive women make me unbelievably nervous.
So anyway I walk into this pub not expecting this literal supermodel to be sitting with my gf. As soon as I see her, I'm like oh fuck, so I dip into the bathroom to wait a while and get my shit together before going out there.
Obviously they noticed.
BanzuKun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:44 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i shit my pants at work and sit around females, i went home with a "headache". I am 20 years old.
Aberrantkenosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in highschool we were doing a group presentation based on the movie Crash, In the presentation I was playing a character who's name I forget that was arrested while getting road head.
When I went to say "fellatio" a mixture of flubbing, dylexia, and just plain not knowing how to say the word I said "fetailio". People laughed, but I thought at first it was just out of immaturity for saying a "naughty" word so I told them to "laugh it up" and then minutes later said it the same way again with a little more dramatic of a tone, mocking them for laughing.
Immediately after saying it a second time I realized I had said it wrong twice and people were laughing because I didn't know how to fucking say fellatio.
nigherfgt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I had an interview for a marketing internship that I somehow forgot the name of. When I showed up to the address I realized that the building had multiple marketing firms. When the lady asked me which firm I was interviewing for I panicked and left.
raechuuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:18 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This surely isn't the dumbest, but it happened only last week, so it's fresh in my mind.
I was at school waiting for class to start but we were going to be in a different room for the day and I wasn't sure which one. I decide to walk by my teachers office so I can ask him, but I get to it and it's closed and the light seems to be off. I was told he was in there but I'm awkward so I didn't knock. Then, despite the halls being completely empty, I didn't want to look like I walked over there for no reason. So instead of turning around, I just continued to walk straight past his office and had to make a loop through the entire building to get back to my starting point.
tldr; it's not an interesting story. I'm just awkward. Don't even bother.
papercup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I arrived at my exam for uni, final of the year... atm my future depended on it. Unfortunately I turned up late and looking through the window I could see that everyone was seated with the adjudicator explaining the exam. It occurred to me that I would have to walk past her on my way in and 150 other students would be watching me.
I turned around and left.
CosmicLightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stalked my crush as i was chicken sh@t in highschool. Went further as my friend pushed me, than stupid me txted and talked w/ her without her knowing who it was while i was in college. I stopped after that, never talked w/ here again and told myself at least she's happy.
runningonplenty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on the grad committee in middle school and decided to raise money by hosting a pizza lunch (there was no cafeteria). I distributed order forms a week before but unfortunately, only two students placed orders out of the whole school. Instead of cancelling it, I for some reason just stayed home the day the lunch was supposed to take place. Turns out a bunch of students and teachers didn't place orders but were planning on buying slices the day-of. A lot of people didn't have lunch that day.
thatonedude1414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:37 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was a kid, like 9 years old, i went one a ski trip in with my friend. I got car sick in his dads car but didnt want to tell them to stop or throw up in the car. So i threw up in the sleeve of my ski jacket.
Then i had to hold my arm up for the the next two ours of the trip so it wouldnt spill.
It ended up drying up and i skied with it in my sleeve for the entire day. And kept my jacket on on the way back home and almost had a heat stroke. My dad laughed his ass off when i got home and told him.
birkes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:54:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one time, when I was about 11 years old, my school class was on a school trip. There was this super annoying guy, who wouldn't shut up, so I wanted to be cool and tell him off. Instead, what I ended up saying was something along the lines of "come fuck me in the ass". He looked at me in disgust and said "no, thank you". Everybody laughed. The bus trip had just started.
vyvyan86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My hearingโs not the best, so I have a hard time hearing deeper voices over a hum, like the motor of a car, and it gets awkward having to ask people to repeat themselves over 3 times. So if I canโt make out what theyโre saying, I just nod and smile, which more often than not makes it even more awkward.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not me but a friend.
She was walking down the street and someone approached her to hand a bible or something. She said she didn't want it but they insisted, so she told them she already had one. They then said "well take one for a friend!"
At which point she yelled "I don't have any friends!!" And quickly walked away.
femmeFartale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... my entire life...?
entertainmefish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread was the best. Thank you for the random laughs at 4 am.
smokingoutmywindow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever relatives come over I am usually in my room. As I hear them enter I realize I will eventually have to go downstairs to greet them. Feeling akward I procrastinate till someone asks..."where's your son"? Then my parents would know he has to come down now, so they would have to yell my name. I yell back "I'm coming down." By this time I'm panicking and stall till dinner time... bring up the courage, go down and say hello to everyone. Avoid small talk at all costs. Grab my food and scadadle. I'm 24 and still happens to this day. Found some solutions but still the anxiety is maxed out for the day
tauslb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:10 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm way too late for this to be seen but yesterday I tapped the phone icon in Carplay by accident and siri asked "who would you like to call?" and I thought it would be rude to say no one, so I asked her to call my dad and then i hung up.
F_Kyo777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was around 21 and took this job interview as a bartender during summer break. Wanted to look professional, so i came in shirt and elegant clothes. Worth to remember, it was extremely hot that day. When I came in to the interview room, it turned out, that it was a very small room with like 5People inside. My anxiety kicked in and lack of space got me extremely nervous and they all seemed to know each other. So we talked a little and i got a basic job agreement, where you need to put your data. Since im sweating like hell and if you add hot day and me being nervous it made me extremely sweaty. I saw some stains on my shirt already and couldnt focus properly on talking and filling in the agreement. So few drops fell from my forehead on agreement, which was awfully embarassing for me. I knew i cant gave it back like this, so i asked politely for another one. Guy asked me, have i mispelled my surname with a laugh on it. I smiled back and carefully filled the second one, get the Job and get the fuck of there to get some air. Felt relieved instantly and good that i handle the situation and memory of it still remains with me ;)
Elcatro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A colleague offered to drive me to a shop after work because she was going in that direction and we were leaving at the same time, instead of just accepting her kind offer I freaked out and tried to make excuses as to why I couldn't accept it, my excuses were all really flimsy and she shot them all down.
This happened like 2 years ago and it haunts me to this day, we still work together and part of me whenever I see her wants to apologise for being a pillock.
ChabowJackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:41:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was at my SO place when some maintenance guys ringed the doorbell. They had an appointment later that day, but figured it would be wise to appear 5 hours earlier. I was still in bed and grumpy. Therefore I said "fuck it. I am staying in bed even if they see me." Uppon hearing them as they enter the oneroomappartement I regret my decision. They should not see me in bed- but I was sill naked so I pulled the blanket over myself and hid as a pile of cloth. Minutes pass, it was getting hot under the blanket and my air supplies were dropping. I would have died there rather than showing myself. After 10 minutes or so I finally embraced fresh air again.
Elmopri3st ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can answer this one but am a little late to the party.
I always make fun of a friends mom in his presence, because we tend to be in our puberty around each other. Never met his mom, but always making fun of her, like banging her etc. the usual stuff.
One time his parents visit him and a mutual friend (let's call him Finn) and I visit him to help him move.
However we enter the room and Finn enters first. He goes to the mom and introduces him as: โHi I am Finn, nice to meet you.โ
Then it is my turn and I meet the woman I always fantasy- bang. I go up to her and lo and behold say: โHi i'm Finn. Nice to meet you.โ
I swear to god. The whole room froze and everyone laughed at me for 2 straight minutes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hit the brakes and swerved to the shoulder because I was too scared to overtake a truck on a rural road. I could easily have ended up with an accident or endangered others. Super-stupid.
Unfortunately, even though I've had my license for well over 20 years now, I'm still a very inexperienced and insecure driver. I'd probably not do that stupid thing again, but I avoid driving whenever possible.
itscliche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iโm a pretty comfortable driver, but anxiety can creep up on anyone, especially when youโre on a highway. My best tip is to just slow it down by 5-10km (given youโre able to with the flow of traffic), and increase the distance between you and the drive in front of you. Lightly tapping your brakes can also send a signal to the driver behind you to give you more space, too. Only overtake when you have a clear shot to do so, and if youโre not ready, just give it another couple minutes until you do have a totally clear path. No big deal, youโll still get to your destination, and safely too!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been prepping for an exam at an institute's library since a few weeks. The two girls who work there are good friends, and are often busy planning events, etc. that happen at the attached auditorium. Yesterday we were goofing around doing exaggerated dances and stuff ( no one else was there!) and suddenly this professor walks in on my friend hopping on one leg, and me doing some form of the chicken dance. My friends just laughed and said hello to him. He was quite pleasant and started rattling off at us in fluent German, and even though I can speak well enough, I turned the most approximate shade of purple a face can get, slowly picked up my books, mumbled a 'see you guys tomorrow', and fucked off from there. I couldn't bring myself to go today, either.
Omerbaig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha, i have got a list of stuff
Ginger_Biscuits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was feeling super lazy and got the bus one stop because it was there as I was walking past. It was kind of late so turned out that it was only me on the bus.
Figuring that the driver would know it was me that requested the stop and judge my laziness - I rode the bus three stops and walked back two.
PattiLain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in China, but I can't speak Chinese. I can't transfer out of one of my bank accounts, and I can't connect it to any online payment platforms. So, to avoid the awkwardness of asking a Chinese friend, or trying to communicate with the teller via a translation app, I manually transfer money from one account to another at an ATM. I still do this. I did this just now.
vickiemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just got my license and was driving my mom around for errands that day. She has always been generally condescending of whatever I do, so it was natural for her to be overly critical of my driving. For our last stop she wanted to go to the bank which was a few blocks away from a mall. We were talking about random stuff I completely forgot about now but for some reason, I took an early turn and parked at the mall was. So my Mom goes, "Honey, the bank's not for another few blocks. Did you forget again?" I didn't want to admit I was stupid so I just said I needed to pick up stuff for myself too. So I parked the car, went inside the mall, spent a good 15 minutes trying to figure out what to tell her when I get back. I didn't even buy anything.
HereComesDragonair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:07 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was waiting for the bus when I met someone from school. He told me where he was headed and we had a little chat.
That was it. A little chat. Because after 1 minute we ran out of things to talk about. He always answered my questions with one word and he kept making eye contact as if he was hoping for me to keep the conversation alive.
At some point the bus came and we both got inside and the awkward smalltalk continued. In my head I remembered where he said he was headed and I realized that we not only had a 10 min bus tour ahead of us, but also would we need to take the same walking route for an additional 15 minutes.
Luckily I hadnโt so far told him what my destination was and at one point I felt like I couldnโt bear the awkwardness anymore (He kept staring at me and I kept asking typical smalltalk questions that he would always answer with one word)
So I just said I had to leave at this station and got off the bus 3 stations early and had to walk for half an hour instead of a quarter.
BadAssKnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was on the phone and walking at the same time, I saw 2 guys walk and felt like one of the guys was a friend of mine and I waved very enthusiastically while walking towards them and as I neared, I realized that I knew neither and then while within the ear shot, I kept waving and tried to convert it into a weird exercise thing which made it seem as if I was crazy.
nastymcoutplay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once I was walking and I heard someone say "hey nice dog" so I looked at them and shouted "oh hey thanks" then saw they were talking to their neighbor. I took a mile detour on the way back just to avoid them
Yimi9876 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to a graduation party and I showed up really early, like an hour early. So i show up and the older sister of the girl who was hosting was outside bringing some things in. Since she vaguely knew me i thought i should go out and help. She was having trouble with some of the bottles and boxes of party supplies so i helped her and followed her inside. I then proceeded stand in the there living room waiting for people to arrive. This, along with the really awkward and confused stares from the hosts relatives (who didn't say hi or anything they just paused what they were doing for a second, looked at me, then continued) got the better of me so i went back outside and pretended to get something out of my car for about 30 minutes before just straight up hiding in the back waiting for my friends to arrive. And when they did arrive, I discretely emerged from the car and walked in the front door behind them, like nothing every happen.
TLDR: I went to a party, stood in the living room while people stared at me, the went and waited in my car.
MrYurihi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once went around in a revolving door 5 times because each time someone went in and I am to socially awkward to tell them to stop
StardustCruzader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reads like /r/Swedishproblems but translated, good to know it's not us that act awkward..
LittleEngineThatPoos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:12 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just realized I had another awkward story.
Cue moving to a new state and I'm looking for a job because I just wanted to get away from where I used to live. I start applying for temporary positions from agencies in hopes that I can get some kind of job.
I get a call to fill out an application and drive to the city, the place looks sketchy AF but I go in and start to fill out an application anyways. Halfway through I stop filling it out because I don't trust the place anymore.
Instead of telling the receptionist I don't trust this place and want to leave, I fake a call and say I have to go and try to take the application with me. The lady gives me some bs about how the application is their property and I can't leave without it.
She calls me a druggie because she said I probably got to the drug test portion of it and realized I wouldn't pass a drug test. She says this happens a lot with "you drug addicts".
I quickly tear up the application and try to shove it in the protected recycling bin but she stops me. She then tells me to get out and that she's going to use my SSN to blacklist me on their agency.
... I never did drugs and just didn't trust the sketchy place
awkwardtalkward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walked around for 30 minutes in the rain on several occasions because I arrived early to class and thought it'd be awkward if I waited outside the room so early.
ders95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was an intern having a business lunch with just my boss. As we were sitting face to face, I noticed my last chicken teriyaki piece had a large bone in it. Rather than spit it out in a napkin right in front of him... I swallowed the entire bone.
LittleEngineThatPoos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:26 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just realized I have even more sad things to add... Wow I'm awkward
I went out with some friends... One who reddits so I need to leave out details.
Anyways they wanted to ride bikes so I let them believe I can ride a bike up until that point but tried to drop subtle hints I can't.. I never learned because of complicated family stuff
When we got to the bikes I had to essentially embarrass myself trying to ride and say I forgot how to ride a bike and that we would have to walk
Fo11owthewhiterabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arrived late for my first class at university. Was too embarrassed to go in so I just went to the pub. Same thing happened the week after.
I decided to never attend that class because of embarrassment and failed it.
Viorager ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:32 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got this but I'm late to the party.
This is probably 15 years ago in my early twenties. I'm like that shitbreak dude who can't shit in front of people. Anyways I had a live in girlfriend so I wouldn't shit at home. I would either sneak off to a store, portapotty, or friends house.
One morning I had to shot so bad I was about to blow. It was snowing out and I loved in an apartment complex. I ran out of the house saying I forgot something in my truck, ran as fast as I could too. I didn't make it very far, so I dropped trough and unleashed.
I was on the side of a huge Hill in the open, snow everywhere. I had nothing to wipe with so I used my sweatshirt. I left it there, to come get later with a garbage bag.
Anyway we went to walk the dogs a couple days later and there is my shut covered shirt right out in the open. Girlfriend says isn't that your shirt, which I instantly replied "can't be because mine is in my truck". Then we laughed at the person who took a shit on the side of a giant Hill in a snow storm.
IncompleteGuyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at this friend's house and meeting his mother first time. she gave me and my other 3 friends juice to drink but she forgot the ice. So she bought the ice , you know the plastic wrapped colourful ice cubes which doesn't melt in your drink and just make it colder. I took the ice cube and put it in my mouth and she said to me it's not for eating. we stared in each other's eyes for long 10 seconds, then i spit the cube out and gave it in her hand. and all of his family was looking at me. oh man that was so awkward.
McFagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:29 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I had been at my friend's house getting high and was bussing back to my place. Since my university is between his house and mine and is the main bus transfer point of our city, I decided I'd stop at the campus pub and have a couple drinks and maybe a burger or something before bussing home.
So I went in and sat up at the bar, took out my laptop and waited for someone to take my order, the same way I'd done a million times before. They weren't empty, but they also weren't busy. Everyone else at the bar or dining room was getting served.
But after a few minutes, nobody had taken my order or even acknowledged me. So I figured "Oh, maybe because I'm on my laptop they think I'm just using this space to work on homework or something". So I put away the laptop and continued sitting at the bar. Still, nobody acknowledged my presence.
Now, I really wanted to order a drink, but the weirdness of the whole situation and the fact that I was still somewhat high made this difficult. I couldn't think of a way to draw a bartender's attention to me and my drinkless state without coming off as a dick, so I just sat there awkwardly and watched TV. After a few more minutes of this I was getting really fed up, so I ended up staring at every bartender that walked past in hopes that we would make eye contact and I would get a "Oh, hey, didn't see you sitting there. Want a drink?" but again, it was like I was a ghost. After sitting there for a total of probably 20-30 minutes I was almost at the point where I was gonna make a huge scene just to make sure I hadn't suddenly turned invisible, but decided fuck it, they clearly don't want my money. I walked out in a huff, my buzz killed and my day ruined. Still by far one of the most surreal experiences of my life.
0_NvMi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:08 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate the whole of my GF's(at the times) mother salmon, not knowing you were suppose to remove the bones. Worse meal ever...
otakarg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The dumbest thing I've done because of my awkwardness is I started smoking. So now when I stand outside minding my own business and having a smoke no one thinks and most importantly I don't think I'm awkward
HollowAraman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smoked a roll of newspaper
GwEYT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happened yesterday. I was in the parking lot of a store and my teacher came and parked next to me in her Honda Accord. She didnโt notice me when she parked. I sat there waiting for her to come out so I could โflexโ because I was a 17 year old driving a Porsche GT3. When she came out, I went to drive off and didnโt realize, the car was out of gas.
Biff_Tannen82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a roller skating rink and had to poop. Rather than poop in the public bathroom I walked a mile to the nearest gas station that had a single bathroom. My girlfriend was wondering where I went and I had no explanation to offer her.
mitchk44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked as an auditor a couple of years a go. On the first day I was making coffee and for some reason poured the kettle with my left hand, the client noticed and said "Oh, you're left handed too". Rather than stating that I was right handed, I said yeah I am. Had to use my left hand in front of the client consistently for the rest of the week. So awkward.
brownbagginit13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive sat for half an hour waiting for someone to ask if i need a box
xyifer12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was little, I was supposed to learn a memorize the lyrics of a song because every class member was to sing it on stage for some Christmas event. For some reason, I never memorized them.
At first I tried miming, but eventually just stood there looking at people waiting for it to end.
wensdayaddamsflower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last summer i was in a camp, and there was a boy, handsome and kind and younger than me, but with just one year. First day, i started talking with him, and than the teacher said to me: Hey, don't now want to get a boyfriend. I was embarrased, and said that i just triing to talk, cuz i like older boys
4lly89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friend and I visited a different churchโs youth group in middle school with this guy we liked and at the beginning the youth leader noticed we were new and asked us to stand up and introduce ourselves. My friend was pretty outgoing, but I was horribly shy so when they all looked at me first, I sat in silence, refusing to answer. I thought if I ignored them theyโd move on without making me answer. After they asked again a couple times I finally told them I didnโt have a name. My friend backed me up and pretended she didnโt have one either until the other kids started yelling at us to introduce ourselves so they could move on.
Bombadonk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the bus and someone from work got on and sat next to me. I didn't want to chat so lied and said I was at my stop on got off. Stood at the stop and got on another one behind which proceeded to overtake the first one and she saw me go past.
marfholop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was 23 when i drove a company car as an appentrice in a well known media agency in northern germany after getting my drivers license just a week before. i had to fetch the letters from the post office just a couple blocks away from my company and i was really nervous because of the city traffic and the huge complicating streets i had to take. i wasnt used to drive with a manual diesel vehicle which didnt really lower the pressure on me.
so i drove on about a few blocks when a red light appears and i stopped. i was the first in the line and as the lights turned green i moved a couple inches and the engine went off. the cars in my back start honking. i removed the first gear, went back to neutral and back again to fucking fix the damn car which felt like years. everytime i did this and tried to move it only went a few steps and went off again.
now i stand in the middle of the biggest crossing of the city and move like a moron with an expensive car hopping 2 inches in 10 seconds like itโs my fucking way of driving look at me. the people were so mad, they threw middlefingers and swear words at me and honked my ears off while i was close to crying.
i turned the warning lights on and removed the keys. i was so fucking done i called the police (why the hell) to get a wrecking service to get me off the street.
as i waited, still in the middle of the crossing, i decided to give it one more try. so i turned on the engine, put in the first gear and drove away.
turns out i was in the 3rd gear all the time and messed up putting in the first. i didnโt wait for the wrecking service cause i was way too embarrassed and acted as if nothing happened. gave back the keys to my supervisor as i arrived and blamed the traffic when he asked me why it took so long for me to get the mail.
chickenfingerz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao this is a good one
skittlecakez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:52:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to play the French horn in secondary school, I was probably around 14 at the time (way too old to be excusable). I turned up late to my lesson and I really needed the toilet, but instead of asking to go to the loo before we started I instead chose to hold it. Long story short I pissed myself infront of this guy in the middle if school and stank of pee for the rest of the day. Its one of those memories that sneaks up on me and ruins my day when I least expect it.
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God this post belongs in r/socialanxiety so much..
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When browsing things at the store, I would ask if they have a certain thing. They would go fish it out for me and tell me it's price. When it's super fucking expensive and I don't really want it anymore, instead of declining, I would buy it anyway as I was embarrassed for being cheap and I didn't want their efforts for bringing the item to me go to waste.
yes172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I turned down a date from my summer camp crush because I was nervous and too awkward to just โwait I meant yes.โ I face palm every time I remember
Bronaldo9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:06 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sent a Christmas card to my next door neighbours, I wrote the wifeโs name as Susan, it wasnโt until we received a reply that we found out her name was Karen... We never addressed it, ever.
KenLinx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay I've already made a comment on this post already, but this is happening to me right as I'm typing this.
I'm in school and I want to take a heavy shit but I don't want anyone to be in the same bathroom as me. I went to every single fucking bathroom in the school, hoping one of them would be empty. I walked around so much that I no longer needed to take a shit.
Greigebaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't even pee if someone else in in the restroom at the same time. If I walk in and I see one of the stalls shut my bladder just locks up with a Bitch you thought!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I walked around for a good 2 hours looking for my friend's house in a city I didn't know, because I was too awkward to ask if I could charge my phone in a bar so I could look up how to get there.
I also was too scared to ask strangers, I finally did after 2 hours. But instead of asking someone on the street I walked into a pharmacy. Why? Because I was thinking: he's doing his job, he should help all his clients as good as possible.
I hate myself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:57 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hung out with a girl after work one summer, took a walk in the park, etc.
After a few hours of alone time, we sat in the middle of a really vast field at the core of the park, talked, got closer, talked, got closer-- we basically did that for five whole minutes before coming face to face.
She had that look in her eyes and I knew what I had to do, so instead of just, y'know, moving in for the kiss, I got REALLY close and asked, "C... Can I kiss you now?" like the sly devil I was.
I wanted to stick my head in the ground and die because I was 100% sure that would be the last time she would talk to me let alone touch me. Lo and behold she's my fiancee. She did this to herself.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was walking home from the library really late at night, and there was a woman some 20 metres in front of me, coming back from what I presume was a night club or a party. I crossed the street and continued walking at a fairly fast pace as I just wanted to get home. By the time I was across from my house, I crossed back and noticed I was walking almost perpendicular to her. She saw me approach, and started awkwardly sprinting down the pavement in a panic. I quickly opened the door and ran up to my flat. Felt very awkward about the whole thing afterwards
MsZbornaksRoomie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First day of my senior year of high school, I stopped for gas and unknowingly pulled away with the nozzle still in my tank. When I pulled up to my friend's house to pick him up, he said "Did you know you still have the gas nozzle in your tank?
I didn't want to admit I had done something so stupid, so I smiled and said "Of course! You wanna just throw it in my backseat though?"
Worst parts: -The fumes when I got back into my car after a hot, fall school day. -I worked at that gas station and had to return the nozzle when I reported to work that day after school.
OlcanRaider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:20 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a kid, like 8 or less. I was messing around with the son of my nanny who was back from the army. He told me some bird names (not very dirty I was 8 of course) and it made me laugh... Especially one.... "fat sow" "grosse truie" in my language, basically meaning "fat bih". I was very excited, because of the jokes and all and then, friends of my nanny arrived to dine with them... So I went to say hello, the husband and the wife...when I arrived in front of the wife I said "salut grosse truie" (hello fat bih) like it was the normal thing to say... After that followed a long silence... And the silent death of any joy in my heart...
ArtermisMoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This whole thread makes me feel so much better about my incredibly awkward life...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took communion during mass.
I'm an Atheist.
Nby36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pissed in a sink when I was a kid because I didn't want everyone hearing me piss in the toilet
Quazarrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had just finished eating out at Dennyโs with some friends and the waiter comes back over to me with his fist out. I reacted with a fist bump and said โthanks again manโ. Immediately felt like an ass because he didnโt say anything, kept his fist closed and said โNo..no this is your changeโ.
hamjamham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:30 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went back to a girls house after a night out and managed to drop a whole roll of toilet paper into the toilet. It was soaked. I didn't know what to do so I just put it back at the bottom of the stack and said nothing.
Szentinal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god so a couple days ago I was walking around at my college campus with my brother which also has a few homeless people every once in a while. This woman approached me (obviously not a student) and asked if she could have any money for McDonald's . I was so reactive and not thinking at all that I took out my wallet...and gave her my last FIVE DOLLARS in cash. To make it worse my brother gave her another dollar....shortly after we saw her in the same spot asking more people for money, so we knew that she wasn't in it for food. I felt so stupid and naive.
Now I know just to say "I don't carry cash sorry" or "no sorry"
eskaywan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:39:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This will probably get buried but here goes.
I'm one of those guys that cant pee if there's someone close o even inside the same bathroom as me, my life consists of awkwardly waiting with my junk out in the urinal until the entire bathroom is cleared, only then! I can relieve myself.
So anyways, I work in an office building with one bathroom per floor (its 5 floors total), so If I go in the bathroom and there's someone already there, I just gtfo and walk up or down the stairs until I find an empty bathroom, after I get in I close the door AND LOCK IT every time. It doesn't matter what number I'm gonna do... the way is shut...it was closed by him who is pooping/peeing, and the pooper/pee-er keeps it.
I feel sorry for my innocent "victims" while I'm in there. Sometimes I can hear them, while I'm sitting down in there.
I can hear the door trying to be opened but its locked followed by the victim saying loudly and angrily "Oh this is private bathroom now!" then they walk/storm away.
Then the waiting game begins after I'm done, I wait until its absolutely quiet outside until I know its clear, only then will I escape/flee the scene of my crime.
EDIT: Forgot a word.
RandyFord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:19 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda late so this is gonna be buried but...
I was on vacation in Santorini and went out to get some food. While I was waiting, I had to use the bathroom so I head downstairs through their storage room into the single-occupant lavatory. Do my thing, finish up, go to open the door and... The knob fell off from the outside. So here I am, stuck, contemplating whether or not I'll be spending my last days trapped in the shitter. But then I remember, my cell phone! I can call the restaurant and in broken Greek tell them that I'm stuck. But after reconsideration, I figured the better thing to do would be to body slam the door down and walk out ASAP without getting my food.
I was worried that somehow the authorities would come after me for vandalism and destruction of private property so I didn't renew my hotel stay, but rather booked a ferry to Crete and spent the rest of my vacation there.
YourAmishNeighbor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:45 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was 7, during class, I was thirsty but couldnt reach for the watter bottle over the table, so I started crying until a teacher helped me.
deltora ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
aaaw yeah, my time to shine.
okay so I was volunteering at a work weekend at a camp in the American boundary waters, for those of you not from America, or more specifically the American Midwest, it's like the super Scandinavian part of the US.
anywho, on this work weekend they have projects to get down to prep the camp foe the changing season. one project was building a woodshed, now I don't know my way around power tools, but I'm strong, and most of the other people there were middle aged "Jack of all trades" types, so I trow in with them because I figure I can be there pack horse. oops. first thing that happens when I step on the site is someone puts a power saw in my hands and tells me to go trim off 2 inches on some boards. this was not my plan but A-okay my friend, I'm no craftsman but I do know how to measure 2 inches.
and this kept happening, I was given different saws, never asked if I knew how to use them, and sent to do little tasks. until...
they needed an angle cut to match an already cut piece built into the roof. so.. being someone who has no idea how to figure that out, and I'm now in way too deep to ask since they were acting like thing was a basic thing to know, I do the only thing I can think of.. I take the long road. first I estimate the angle conservatively, then test it, and it needs a bit more off, so, 1 degree at a time, I shave that beam, over and over and over and over and over and over and over checking it each time, until I found the angle. everyone was busy with their own aspects of the project so I went unnoticed.
TL
HunterWindmill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:53:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once in high school I was doing physical education, but I could barely move because I had strained a muscle in my back the previous week. Eventually I asked a teacher whether I could go and get a painkiller from reception. They said yes and I went and asked for one.
The receptionist gave me some pill in a small container (I didn't really notice what because I was distracted by the pain) and warned me about how bad it tasted. I thanked her, and then it dawned on me that I had no water to wash it down with like I always did at home, so U just put it in my mouth and tried to swallow it (it didn't got well.) She came back about 30 seconds later, pointed at the container she gave me and said: "You were meant to get some water!"
I then realised she had given me the pill in a small paper cup, and that there was a water fountain about 30 seconds walk away. I tried to play it off as if that's how I always took them.
God that was so dumb...
TheLargadeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:51 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was maybe 17 or 18 and went to buy condoms at a gas station late at night. It was maybe 1 or 2am. I didn't want to just grab the condoms and go because I was embarrassed about it so I went to the bathroom first. (Not sure why that made it feel less weird). I piss, reach down to flush the toilet and my car keys fall out of my pocket and go straight down the flushing toilet. I was stuck at the gas station for like an hour talking to cashier while waiting for my brother to bring me a spare key. At some point during that conversation I had to awkwardly buy condoms.
infantanniolation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:34 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First party at my highschool a girl told me that one of the other girls would like to hook up. But that had never happend before so i just stood there like an idiot saying "cool"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn I'm way late to this thread. One time in middle school I was at a friend's house and I took an absolutely MASSIVE dump. Like, this thing filled up the toilet and thoroughly covered the hole. It looked like a swirled soft serve of chocolate ice cream. My dad had arrived to pick me up and they were standing right outside the door because it was right by the front door. I didn't know what to do because this thing was not even trying to go down the damn toilet. They didn't have a plunger or anything in the room. I was in a panic so I just wiped my ass, put on my pants, and walked out like nothing had happened. I asked my friend to help me look for something upstairs, told him I just annihilated his toilet, then went back downstairs and left with my dad.
He texted me later saying his dad poured some major chemicals on my monster deuce and was laughing his ass off at the whole thing.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was a freshman in college I lived in the dorms. My roommate dropped out so I lived alone for the second part of the semester. I was kind of a loner and had social anxiety so I didn't want people on my floor to know I was in there just hanging out alone... so I would pee in my trash can rather than walking down the hallway to the bathroom and just take it out the next day when no one was around. Yikes.
mtkld ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:12:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I worked at a theme park once and there was a tram service that transported the employees behind the scenes. I was running really late that day and for some reason the tram did a fast rolling stop at my stop. Even though itโs supposed to stop at every stop. Tram driver didnโt even ask if anyone was getting off. I was already standing up as it started to accelerate so I just jump off and rolled. I couldnโt see the tram anymore, but I could hear people yelling. Tram never stopped. I had some gnarly scraps and bruises. I was too embarrassed to tell first aid or my coworkers that I jumped off the tram so I told them I all tripped. At first anyway. Then I started making up unbelievable stories about what happened. I told one guy I fell into a meat grinder at my other job. 3 years later he asked me where I worked that had a meat grinder that big.
I also mixed in the truth with the lies, but everyone just thought that was a lie too. Theme parks are big I didnโt know anyone who was one the tram so I was never outted. To this day my friends say when I fall the ground opens up and tries to devour me.
jat388 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 6th grade I used to hang out a friends house pretty often, maybe once a week. I would always ride my bike there and back. One day I left their house but forgot my helmet. Being so young I was terrified of getting in trouble because wearing a helmet is the law for minors. I was so embarrassed that I had to go back to their door, I was too afraid to knock and admit my mistake. I thought it would be better to just open the door and grab my helmet.
Unfortunately, him and his whole family were sitting in the living room right next to the front door staring at me as I walked in. His dad said "well, my whole family is sitting on the couch and someone opened my door. You are lucky I didn't have my weapons near me." Wow I was terrified, awkward and embarrassed all at once.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:41 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was the day of college orientation & everybody got a booklet with a checklist in it for attending each event, if you attended every event you had a chance to win an iPad, a t-shirt & something else. At the end of each event, you would go to your group leader & he would check it off if you were there. I didn't catch the memo at first & I was the only one who didn't pull their booklet out at the end of each event. When the group leader said "ok, pull out your booklets", I would just sit back & wait until he signed everybody else's & then walk out last. At the last event, I finally found the booklet in my college bag & I asked the leader to check it off, he ended up checking all the events for me & it was awkward. Nobody clearly stated "grab the white booklet with the title "..." from your college bag in your college folder, inside of the college binder.
whatthehellman2017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:27 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While reading this in a bathroom stall at work, another officer in the stall beside me heard me laughing. I'm a rookie and a fairly young CO at a jail. I didn't want him to think it was me, so I began randomly making old man grunts and noises to throw him off so he would think it was another officer. We've been sitting in here for half an hour and neither of us have moved yet and I'm too afraid to leave in case he realizes it's me through the spaces around the stall door. I'm supposed to be finishing my break soon and I'll probably be late returning to my unit. The jail cannot resume normal operation until all posts are filled with their assigned officers, which means the entire jail containing hundreds of inmates will be delayed unlocking cells because of me.
volengr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first went to my local paintball field for this first 2 years they called me jake.
My names jack.
missasia7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:56 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time, when I was a senior in high, my boyfriend had come over. We had went to go get some lunch from Wendy's and decided to bring it back to my house for lunch. I get half way though my spicy chicken nuggets and feel the familiar rumbling of my tummy. I'm talking, feeling liquid leave my body involuntarily. I didn't want him to know that I had to shit, so I politely excuse myself and go to the bathroom in my parents' room. My mom happened to be home, so she tries to keep him entertained while my colon falls out of my body. After about 10 minutes of it happening nonstop, I call my mom on her cell phone and tell her to come to the bathroom. So, she gets back there, I'm still shitting. He's up front getting suspicious. So, I tell my mom to just tell him that I threw up. Like that is any better. So, she goes to tell him that I threw up. Eventually my body calms down, I clean myself up and I go back into the living room, slightly sweaty and continue where we left off. Even us ladies have our moments where our bodies have betrayed us.
Mydongnotstraight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:36 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so i have a hole in my pocket and dropped some change in there. as i walk, the coins drop past my shoes and on the floor. now if i want to deal with this situation like a normal person, id shake those mofos out all at once and just collect them off the floor. But being a socially awkward guy with anxiety issues, i instead adopt a walk that is minimally disruptive to the coins that have made a home at the bottom of my trouser leg. So im in starbucks and on the way to the till, the person behind me sees 3 coins, one after the other, drop out of my trousers, not sure what he thought about that.
Tobycause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:57:17 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate having awkward subway/bus rides with people I work with when we both bump into eachother in the morning on our way in. In turn everytime I would see someone I work with I would simply skip that bus or subway. After ending up late nearly everyday for the past 2 months, needless to say, Ive been let go.
sprockana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:35 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Went out with a few friends, but I didn't know that they were heading to a swimming pool and I didn't bring my trunks. I ended up just sitting poolside taking care of their stuff. Since I was alone, I didn't have much to do so most of the time I was doing absolutely nothing, which I was fine with. But when my friends came over, I didn't want them to feel bad for me, so for some reason, I figured that taking a phone call would be the solution. I dialled the voicemail number and pretended to be having a conversation with someone, even saying stuff like 'oh yeah', 'yeah you're right' and fake-laughing, all in response to a robotic voice telling me I have no messages.
slee4914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the 5th grade, I was in the classroom taking a spelling test. I really needed to use the bathroom but someone asked right before me. The teacher was visibly pissed off and told the student to hurry up, as we'd all have to wait for him.
Afraid to face the wrath of this mean teacher, I sat in my seat, classmates on both sides, wriggling and bouncing in my seat. The spelling test went on for way too long.
After what felt like hours, I just couldn't hold it any longer and was delirious from needing to go. I slowly let it out. Turns out I had way more pee inside than I was expecting. The pee started spilling off the sides of the chair and a clear dripping sound could be heard hitting the linoleum for a solid 15 seconds.
No one ever said anything that day, besides for a confused boy saying it smelled weird in the classroom. I still wonder if everyone was just trying to save me from embarrassment.
stutw1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:06:39 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once at a friend party, i got smashed by drinking a whole bottle of kraken. didn't want to sleep there with other people so i instead remotely unlocked my car left my keys in the appartment and ran to my car before it lock itself.
The reason i left my keys inside is that, if the police catches you innebriated in your car and you have access to your keys, either be in the trunk or the glovebox you're fucked.
Morning come by, middle of the summer the car is now a sauna. Woke up, have to puke. Now here is the other thing, my keys are in the appartement, if i open my door the alarm will go off and i will wake up the whole neighborhood.
Being stuck in the car and didn't want to wake tons of poeple on saturday morning i proceed to puke on the passenger side on the floormat.
Not only i had the endure the heat and the stench of my puke but my bladder was about to explose!
It was 9 a.m, i frantically tried to call text the people inside so they could unlock my car. In the end, no answer so i took this other half empty bottle of kraken that was laying behind my seat and i pissed in it.
Eventually after all of this i managed to get in touch with someone inside and got my car unlocked.
TLDRGot drunk on kraken, got stuck in my car with puke because i didn't want to bother the host by sleeping there.
SaltLich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:11:46 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got on the wrong bus. Instead of the one that goes to the local shopping center, I got on the one that goes between my college's two campuses. I realized I was on the wrong bus as they were at the last stop on my campus and it announced the next stop would be on the other campus.
Instead of getting off and going to wait for the right bus like a normal person, I sat on that bus until it looped back around to my campus again. It takes about 30 minutes to get between campuses, and the bus had already stopped for 10 minutes for the driver to use the restroom. Then when it got to the other campus it stopped for another 20 minutes while they changed drivers.
I wasted almost two hours of my life on a bus I had no need to take and got a little motion sick because I was too embarrassed to show that I hadn't read the destination on the front of the bus before getting on.
proxypaladin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:38:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, on the first day of tech class I went in and sat down. Lesson started and I realised that I was in metalworking instead of woodworking. I stayed for the whole lesson and at the end the teacher told me I was in the wrong class.
I was so awkward that instead of going to woodworking the next day I made my mum (who was in charge of class timetabling and shit) swap my enrolment to metalworking.
I hated metalwork.
meet-meinmontauk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:09 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too many to name, but on days when I've been too lazy to walk and where I'm going isn't quite far enough to warrant taking a cab, I've gone further down to a 'respectable' distance and then faked a reason to need to go back to where I originally intended to go all along. I'm not proud..
loafuscrambuckle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:52:31 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was at a friends house and his mom was under the impression that I could cook. (I have no clue why) she asked me to help cook some fish for dinner and instead of just saying I could cook I made up an excuse as to why I had to go home and drove home.
Abscritical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:18:24 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dragging chairs in and out from their desks althrough school life ruined my first impression at university, so i was running late the first day of my uni and everyone is already seated, so i barge in between the row of seats not realizing they were the open handle style seats(you lift up the wooden panel,sit then put it back down)i stood there for 10/20seconds awkwardly, dazzled not knowing what to do, my dumbass thought something is wrong with the seat and i pull it back with all my might get in front of it and pull it back aligning it with the row instead of walking in between rows and behind the seat i should've walked in front of the row....everyone laughed for 5 min straight (i wanted to kill myself) This was 10 years ago and i still die a little inside thinking about it
FreedomMoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:02 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I needed to buy Coca Cola for my whiskey coctail drink, I was too embarrassed for others to see that I'm buying something unhealthy so I would also buy brocolli, some lettuce and water just so it looks less unhealthy even though I wouldn't eat that later.
somanydimensions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:53 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a child my family and I were visiting an uncle that I rarely saw. They had a very tiny house with one bathroom that had slats on the door so you could hear things through it. For some reason I was too embarrassed to poop there. I never went during the trip. I ended up super constipated and had to take laxatives and eat Metamucil fiber bars for like 3 days.
RDKibara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:28 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For my last year in college, we pick one of four catergories to possibly focus on for the whole year, and would be split into classes in that way. The split off was done very informally after the first meeting " This group here if you want to focus on viz dev, this one for digital modeling, etc."
I didn't know anyone in the digital modeling class, and at the last second decided to go with the larger group of viz dev students only because I had friends there. In the end I never saw those friends because of the workload given to us, and because of the size of the class I ended up floundering through that year because of my anxiety to ask for help.
If I had taken the 3D class, I would have been 1 out of 12 students, and would have actually enjoyed the final year and improved on skills that I am learning on my own after college since it overlaps with my work now.
ladyoffate13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In 6th grade, I was visiting the house of a friend, whose family had taken in some stray kittens. She mentioned at one point that the kittens were still being house trained and still had occasional accidents. We were watching TV in her living room, when I accidentally spilled a small cup of water while she was out of the room. When she came back and asked about the puddle on the carpet, I panicked for some reason and blamed one of the kittens.
To this day, I figure she probably didnโt buy it, seeing as how A) the puddle was cold and B) didnโt reek of cat urine.
DiddyMao20XX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:22 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sat in an empty office for 9 hours writing automated testing scripts because a crushing wave of social anxiety convinced me that I had no business attending a company sponsored team event.
coconutcoffee9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:28:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
when i was in elementary school, the bus used to stop right in front of my house--like literally right next to the driveway. I would always get ready, open the door, and see the bus approaching my driveway. but i never went if it was this close to coming--i was too embarrassed to run to make the bus and scared that the bus driver would make fun of me for running (which he'd done a few times before) so i'd stand at the door and wait till he passed, and then tell my mom i needed a ride to school because i missed the bus.
lesourire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:18:40 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But, do you always eat with others?
nexusofthoughts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once tried drinking tea with a straw.
Lost my taste buds for the next 2 days till my tongue recovered.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:10:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House sitting for a friend this weekend, his wife and him we're packing up last night to leave early this morning. Woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee but the bathroom was down the hall and they were in the middle of the hallway viciously arguing quietly. Didn't want to walk out there into the middle of something, didn't want them knowing I was awake either. Luckily I found a small trash can with a plastic bag liner inside. I peed as slowly and as quietly as possible into the trash can, which is like the worst feeling ever when your bladder's at max capacity.
Maximumspark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:21:04 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In drama class in high school everyone had a bit of free time in between rehearsals, I was just staring in to space day dreaming and a friend of mine came to sit with me (laid in front of me infact). She then saw I was focused and thought I was staring down her shirt. When she asked me if I was instead of telling her I was day dreaming I panicked, got the class together and held an impromptu improv session to avoid the conversation.
Def0rmed-Parsnip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:30 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When i was in high school i had a crush on this boy, let's call him cake. So I was out with my best friend at the time and we went to a small park, we both saw said cak , he said hi and rather than start up a conversation we both panicked, running right past him to a bush that was RIGHT next to the park, (he had obviously seen us and was gobsmacked but we were hoping he didn't) and it was just our luck; cake and his friends, there was about 5 of them, all started fooling around on that park while my friend and I were stuck sat in this bush trying to be quiet. We both thought we'd probably have to survive there and we were both hungry so like smart people would, we started eating berries that we didn't know were poisonous or not. We were sat wondering what the hell to do for about 2 hours before we had to think of a plan-we had a certain time to be home- so we were worrying about our situation and both had cramp from being squashed into the same position for hours. Eventually we had to leave so we both stood up and legged it up the hill where cake and his friends looked shocked about two girls running out of a bush (one of them had seen us hiding beforehand and said there are two girls hiding in that bush like weirdos) and cake had shouted my name but we kept on running. None of them have ever mentioned it since and neither has cake, I just hope no one remembers this ordeal.
must_be_laggin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:22 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was meeting a girlfriends friend for the first time, knew her name, then introduced myself as her. Then didnโt correct myself and sat in the awkwardness. Apparently she is just as awkward as me and it made it that much more awkward.
loserpanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:12 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When somebody walks into the bathroom while I'm pooping I hold my explosive shits until they leave the bathroom, even if it's 20 minutes. Even if they're also shitting and doing the same thing I don't budge.
C0105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:32 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive three tales of woe to tell
My first is when i was in a car getting a lift home from training by some people, and i realise the door of the car isnt shut properly. So without saying anything i try hold it shut until they noticed it was open and told me to close it
I once was getting a lift home and the people giving me a lift drove past my road and i didnt tell them until a few miles later where i said, i thought you were going to your house first.
In school a girl was going to put this other lads bag in the bin and she accidentally put mine in the bin.
mariofan366 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:24 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My college professor forgot to print the take home quiz like he normally does so he told us to go to his office to get one. I went during his hours and he was talking to someone (a different class) and i didn't want to interrupt so I waited outside. After a few minutes they weren't done so I left and came back later. He still was talking to the same girl. I waited outside for a few more minutes and he still talked to her so I just went home and didn't do the quiz.
janesbiotch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:32 on October 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For like ever I have been in love with the same boy my whole life. One day we were in History Class and he turns around and says hey do you have a cigarette? I told him i was freshly out, everyday after that I had a cigarette because he thought I smoked and i didn't wanna tell him I didn't. We became even closer because we started going for that smoke after history class and i never told him i didn't smoke. OH I probably should mention I've only got like one lung
wOuTeR_do2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:49 on December 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-be me -be 15 years old -at dentist waiting room, without parents -8/10 sitting next to me, old man in front of me -looking at memes -one meme funny as hell -lol lmao XD -trying hard not to laugh -8/10 and old man looking at me -fuck -act like I have to sneeze -shittiest fake sneeze ever -awkward as fuck
qwerty08744 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:44 on February 4, 2018 ยท (Permalink)
You could have told us buddy.. oh well we've got a great new member and just released an ep. All the best..
C4RL1NG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:07 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fallen back asleep instead of living the rest of the day.
kmoneyrecords ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A huge number of people at the college I went to would go to the beach at the end of the year - my first year there I was late-nighting with two of my friends along with two girls we met that night sitting in a hot tub. Maybe 3/4 in the morning, everything was going good, and then one of the girls' very big, and very present titty pops out of her bikini, and her and her friend are side-by-side and very drunk so neither of them see it.
I am a sweet summer freshman at this point, and I am just completely baffled by what to do in this situation, my brain was frantically ruffling through all my filing cabinets for "accidental titty etiquette" to completely no avail - full red alert.
Seconds turn to minutes and she's still just very excitedly talking about stuff, booby undulating with the jacuzzi jets, and the whole time I'm awkwardly rubbing my face and eyes to, I donno, shield my eyes from the titty I felt like I shouldn't have been seeing. I keep turning to my two friends, who were seniors at the time and I was hoping that they would take the lead and do something about it, but one of them is just full on good-guy boy scout - looking the girl straight in the eyes and continuing conversation, the other one isn't saying anything and just staring straight at her chest, clearly as shocked and confounded as I. Maybe 5-10 minutes later, her friend sees it and "discreetly" tells her and both of them think it literally just happened and our dumb asses didn't see anything.
tl;dr - saw a titty I shouldn't have seen, was unable to get the words "hey...your titty" out for the life of me.
AngryYoungAndPoor_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:55 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a few: -On my second "date" with my first gf, things were going meh. I had brought a friend of mine and she brought her two best friends, and since I am a very quiet kinda person, they were doing all the talking and I was just like sitting there and making small comments, I was really nervous and the fact that my gf was sitting on my lap made it a bit worse. Anyway I had gone through the entire date without saying much and just being there... at some point her friends and my friend left us alone for a while and then she tried to kiss me on the lips... I had never kissed anyone before so of course I fucking turned my face away, I felt so ashamed and stupid at that moment lmao. Good thing is that just after that happened I got a phone call from the person that was gonna pick me up, "hey I am outside" thanks jesus. I hated myself for that for like a week. TL;DR: I awkwardly ruined my could-be very first kiss.
-On my first time meeting my second gf irl, her older sister was there with her girlfriend because they wanted to meet me and because my gf's parents had no idea that she was dating someone and they would go mad if they found out so the only way we could see each other was if we met when she was with her sister. We met in one of these places where you sit and eat ice cream (no idea how you call them in English), I introduced myself and they ordered a big ice cream for all of us but me being the shy fuck that I always am refused to eat even though I really wanted to eat ice cream. Anyway we my gf wanted me to talk with them about how we can meet to spend time together and stuff like that, and the first thing I said to her sister was "well, you know me and your sister are in a relationship" to which she responded "no" in a sarcastic voice, that shit only made me more nervous and all I did was laugh awkwardly and proceeded talking. Also a bit later on she asked me how old I was and I said "uhhh 13... No wait! 14" (my birthday was just a couple weeks before that) kill me. TL;DR: Acted a bit awkward while meeting my second gf's sister.
aimee2801 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:21 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ate a prawn with a bit of the shell on cos spitting it out was obviously worse /s
dratonius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:58 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I was supposed to go to a female friend's house for the first time (who's actually very close to me) but since my parents are very conservative I told them I'm going for a movie with my friends and the tickets are already booked so they can't say no. Next day when I'm supposed to go, I get super anxious thinking it'd be awkward, cancel on her, but still had to go out because of the 'movie. Now I'm out with no one to go to or no where to go with very minimal cash for around 4 hours. That day sucked.
AdobeShinobi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm the guy who drove off with a drink on top of my car... Heard it fall...and proceeded to step on the gas and gtfo I was so embarrassed lmao
not_who_you_thinkiam ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:36:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh that was you??? Wow, nice to meet you
ButtPimpleScars ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:16:50 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was when I was like 13. I went to a friend's birthday party and had a blast but upon walking home, I got lost in that suburban maze for over 2 hours. My poop flip phone also died so I had no way of calling for help. Somehow I made my way back to his house and was ringing the door bell but his dad who was in clear view of that glass door wouldn't get up so I assumed the bell wasn't working. Being too scared and awkward, instead of knocking, I attempted the death maze again. After another hour of being lost, I actually just asked random teenagers who were smoking(super bad idea I know) who actually gave me directions out of this death trap.
not_who_you_thinkiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:37:42 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, smoking is a pretty bad idea no matter what age you are
txslindsey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I feel awkward I fake talk on my phone. People probably think I'm really popular or important, I fake talk a lot.
Verlante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:27:00 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didnโt know it at the time but a girl I knew was sexually assaulted. So when I was with her and a group of friends I made a nazi joke in front of them.
โWhy canโt nazis Date Jewish girls?โ
โYa canโt rape ashesโ
That was a bad joke that came after an anti feminists conversation where the girl also heard how I thought they were man hating cultists.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:13 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So a few months ago we got a new roommate at my apartment. Quiet Asian kid, speaks very softly. I have no idea what his name is because I couldn't hear him the first time he told me. I also have no plans of actually learning his name.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:55:14 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I go to the grocery store looking for one specific item and they don't have it I'll buy something anyway because I'm afraid they'll think I'm up to something shady if I don't.
suckmytoes27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:54 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was about 7 or 8 I went for a sleep over at my cousins house sheโs old has no kids at the time but is like a second mom. So I get in the car and I close the door mind you the car they had was kind of a junker so weโre driving and I hear what sounds like wind coming though the car door me being scared thinking I didnโt close the door properly I wound up holding the damn door shut till I didnโt hear the noise. It was a 45 min drive with stops in between. Anyway turns out the window was cracked a little.
Nice_try_Dudley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:58 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like potatoes should, somehow, be mentioned here.
ascot69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:39 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pushed a 140lb box up 15 steps and assembled it into a kitchen nook + table by myself.
Kaimorel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:04 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was 14 went to friend's house to stay the night he had a really fucking creepy dad, they made corn on the cob with steak I had not eaten the other day or that day so I was starving and did not ask for seconds
tl:dr I had eaten the actual cob of the corn and was promptly treated like my entire family was poor and they felt bad for me...
Ironic part my parents made 80-90k more than them a year and when my friend told them they we were not infact poor they did not let me come back over because I am weird to them.
RoboNinjaPirate ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:00:41 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to doublecheck the subreddit, because I subscribe to /r/social skills and /r/aspergers and that title would be right at home in both :)
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 22:21:28 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay so this happened only like a couple of hours ago
So me and my crush were sitting next to eachother on a bench next to a lake and her friend said "awww you two should go out" and then walked away so I said "well do you want to?" "I don't know". And then we just sat there for a couple of seconds. Normal people would have done something romantic. But she said "well that was kinda awkward because <her friend> is sitting right behind us" so I said "ya okay this is awkward"
gentleman_caller ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:18:16 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't feel like there's any resolution here
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:19:50 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk the whole thing was just awkward as hell
mcgrgn ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 23:37:05 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the hell is wrong with you people? Jesus Christ.
Photog77 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:04 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told my girlfriend's parents I didn't know what a potato was.
Volstandig_Quincy ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:56:52 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
vote trump
carzh ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:51 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
p uuapp
mEYEndfulTrading ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:08:00 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
was sleeping over a friend's house in 5th grade with a couple other friends. they were all in the "popular group" so I guess I was at the time too.
was the only kid that wore regular underwear (tighty whities) while everybody else was cool and wearing boxers.
somehow managed to leave a pair of my tight whites on his floor with shit stains in them.
the next week in school he confronted me about it and I denied they were mine. I guess the normal thing would be to own it?
him and the other kids shit on me (no pun intended) for it, and it didn't take long for me to not be a part of the cool kids anymore. never really rebounded from that and wasn't a part of the popular group for the rest of my time in school. was actually an outcast all through high school and it really started in 6th grade.
had a rough time growing up, (also grew up without a biological father) but I'm probably just as/more successful than all of them now. I also live across country from where I grew up while most people have stayed in that area their whole lives (2007 hs graduate)
ClimbingTheWalls697 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:11:46 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Accept someone wasn't interested in me and if they were it wasn't enough to matter
Aubin_G ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:12:35 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mum sent me to buy a cake for my dad's birthday . The guy was mumbling so I just answered yes until he gave me a cake. Ended up getting the wrong cake for my dad. Was still good though
eastcoastfitmama ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:30:29 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yesterday I had a clock in my shopping basket that I wanted to price check. Forgot to check the price until I was in the checkout. Too awkward to ask for the price or to just leave it there. Bought the clock. It was $29. Way too much for a clock.
danielboxin ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:36:31 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! That's relevant. Happened on Monday. I was in a science fiction and fantasy convention and I wanted a coke, so I bought one in the local store. I bought a glass bottle because those taste fresher but I forgot to ask the cashier to open it for me. So.. thus began the quest to find a bottle opener in a place with weapons and cosplay, just because I was too awkward to go back and ask her to open it for me.
I searched for 30 minutes until I found the only bottle opener in that convention. No joke, I've been to every single store and that was the only one I could find.
So now I am the very ashamed owner of.. A bottle opener... fidget spinner...
Prints-Charming ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 01:01:11 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sell hmny
Gas-Burner ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:04:15 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party but A few months ago. I Walk in the bar towards my Friends, a few girls I know Just a Little and the girl I fancy ..alot.
I give my male friends a firm handshake. I give my female Friends a hug. I give the girls I barrely know a one armed hug/3 kisses.
Then there is the girl I fancy, I thought: "it would be weird to do one of these thinks to her, she would probably Think something like wow dude! To much"
So the idiote I am gave her a cringey smile. A FUCKING BROKEN SMILE!
I am 24 by the way..
MNSKHAN ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:22:23 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except we'd been friends for 12+ years, and together for 5
MNSKHAN ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:27:25 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except we'd been friends for 12+ years, and together for 5
Piromaneiak ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:38:33 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would text my girlfriend saying I loved her...
She would then respond with "Dude, we're in a fucking Skype call. JUST SAY IT PUSSY!"
We've been together almost a year and I still do this.
Levvy3 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:12:01 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I was in high school, I had a huge multitude on a girl who worked at the airing thru of my bank. I would go to a distinctive branch, withdraw some cash and then pledge it at her branchest drive thru in hopes she was working. It wasn't until much later that I completed she could more than likely see I had made a withdrawal for the exact amount I was depositing just minutes before.
TheJenniMae ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 15:28:03 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I refuse to pump my own gas. Ive been forced to do so twice since Iโve been driving, about 15 years. Iโve recently moved 35 mins or so from my momโs house to my boyfriendโs. There used to be a full service station down the road from here, itโs closed now. So, I now drive out of my way down to my old neighborhood at least 1ce a week (yay Yaris gas mileage) to fill my tank. โฝ๏ธ
rAlexanderAcosta ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:09 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Talk to women.
Sarpk7 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:33 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dropped out of university after first week cuz of homesickness and the dorm was absolute shit but I was right about the dorm
Sarpk7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:09:37 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why downvote you cunts
love_gman820 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:38 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took the wrong bus home and was at the last stop when i told the driver that i was supposed to take the bus to the park near my house. She dropped me off at the park and asked which one was my house and said "thanks I'm good here. Bye!" and ran towards my house at light speed. Then i cried in my bed and never road the bus again :/
robodragoman ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:47 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Once, my crush fell asleep on my shoulder during a church event (the circumstances surrounding this were a bit boring) and she was holding a pencil. It started to dig into my stomach. I didn't have the heart to wake her up and ask to move or move her hand(because Heaven forbid) and so yeah, long story short, I have a piece of led permanently lodged inside of me. Fun stuff.
BeautifulRock ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:14 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm loving this story. I just can't stop laugh at that scene.
YetAnotherMind ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:47 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I heard about a guy who pretended that he didnt kkow what a potato was in front of his girlfriends parents to make a joke, but then when things got too awkward he stuck with it for some reason and it just got worse and worse.
Maxwe4 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 19:43:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Posted on reddit.
floatingwithobrien ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:24 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHEN I WAS LIKE FOUR I WAS AT DAYCARE AND I WAS TOO SHY TO ASK TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO I PEED UNDER THE PLAY CASTLE. WHY DID I THINK THAT WOULD BE OKAY.
not_who_you_thinkiam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:05 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHY ARE WE YELLING?!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:04 on October 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IM NOT SCREAMING. YOU ARE
staccz ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 18:36:22 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wut