Foundation is my favorite book series of all time, so I'm iffy on the idea of anyone else doing it. But I would love to see Asimov cover Hitchhiker's Guide.
I did. I stopped short of finishing it. I just have the party. It was fun, but a bit silly in the writing ;)
I also bought the omega and the leviathan. I have to do an N7 mission right this second, but I think I'm gonna do omega right after. I'm not doing anything else today so I gave time to play :)
Oh yeah it is absolute fan service. Lol. But as a fan, i was more than ok with it. Omega is pretty good too. Leviathan was just ok to me, but i didnt play it my first run through so i had already kind of spoiled it for myself.
FemShep should always be played renegade mode. She's a powerbitch through and through. Gets shit done and doesn't fuck around. Unless she's literally fucking around. Cuz she's in control of her sexuality.
In my opinion, Mass Effect 3 is the best entry in the series, if you can muster the willpower to turn off the game five minutes from the end and imagine your own ending.
Mass Effect's problem is there is a whole lot of confusion and mixed messages leading up to the ending. Not bad ideas but the ending of the game was not the place to put them. Still a great series though.
hutxhy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:12:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't consider the extended foundation books as canon. The trilogy is it! It's all there is, I tell ya!
The original trilogy is the best, but the extended books (both the sequels and the prequels) are also very good so I'm more than happy to include them.
hutxhy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The endings are mediocre in my opinion. Asimov didn't even want to write them. I think as another, unrelated story, they'd be good, but not as part of Foundation.
I agree with the endings of the sequels being mediocre, but the journey throughout the books is outstanding and I found myself even more invested than in the original trilogy at times (especially during Foundation and Earth).
On the other hand, Forward the Foundation had an incredible ending in my opinion, especially the last line in the Encyclopaedia Galactica.
hutxhy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah they were more involved, due to the continuation of the character arc. The original trilogy went through a lot of characters that ended up being dead and occasionally referred to.
The Encyclopaedia Galactica exists in both Foundation and Hitchhikers.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 03:04:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've said it elsewhere in this thread, but I don't think you can really "cover" authors like Adams or Pratchett, since they're already spinning on such fundamental features of their respective genres. It would be like someone trying to make a "parody" out of a Mel Brooks movie.
But there's still a basic plot structure in Adams' and Mel Brooks stories that another author could put their own twist on. Take for example, George Lucas doing his own 'cover' of the movie Space Balls.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:45:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that would be George Lucas covering Mel Brooks covering George Lucas. It would basically be a Star Wars remix, with perhaps an extra joke or two. Like translating English into Spanish into English: things might be a little different, but the underlying meaning is the same.
I just wrote out what it'd be like for Douglas Adams to cover The Last Question, it's pretty interesting to read.
"The two men sat, playing checkers and drinking, much to the disapproval of their respective spouses and children. That is, the ones who still had their spouses and children. Many had been lost in a weaponized use of Vogon poetry against Earth 24.5 c, edition 3, where they were forced to migrate after the heat death of their past 25.5 universes.
What happened to the one missing universe, the one vacant between "24.5", and "25.5"? We don't know. Once again, it was likely the result of the previous attempt to weaponize Vogon poetry.
The two men were tasked with guarding an advanced supercomputer, one the on-board scientists were all too happy to use. Likely for the purpose of viewing Betelguesian reproduction, which had proven all too popular in the galaxy net. How'd they convinced the world government to fund what came out to be a giant spank bank machine for their think tank? The world will never know.
Now back to the two men, casting off their problems with inebriation and board games, like a certain species of lizard discards clothing.
"Hey? You know that big machine we're supposed to be guarding?"
hic
"Yeah. Apparently you can talk to it and stuff, we should try it."
Out of the blue, what arose is as likely as the possibility as a seizure-driven monkey on a keyboard bashing out Beethoven's Third Symphony, but backwards, recomposed into a popular song in 21st century humor known as "All Star", by a famed electro-blues-funk duo known by the name of "Smash Mouth".
One of the men asked "Is there a way to outlive the universe, and bring it back to existence?"
I could tell you the answer, dear reader, but if I were to do so then this story wouldn't be this much fun.
I would suggest to you, Enders Game, Speaker for the dead, Xenocide, and children of the mind.
Also if you like technical sci-fiโ, anything sci-fi by Stephen Baxter. He explains much of the technology with real theories (not all proven) from physics. Half the time I'll read something and go "that's a real theory!?" and look it up on Wikipedia.
Yes I believe so. One of my favorite books is manifold: space. But he has a bunch of connected books within the xelee sequence. The books span billions of years being loosely connected.
I liked timelike Infinity. And also vacuum diagrams. The latter is a bunch of short storiesโ from the xeelee sequence that doesn't spoil anything. It's a good book to see if you'd like the others. The wiki link above tell you a suggested readinding order but you can read them in any order. Although there are three books that are a part 1, 2, 3. I'm not sure if you should read them one after another.
Sinai ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 11:23:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The shocking thing is that Das Kapital would actually seem less childish. Marx could go on for pages sniping at the giants whose shoulders he stood upon.
Rand might spring a 30-page diatribe on you out of the blue, but at least she wouldn't literally name names and talk about how everybody is the wrongest sort of wrong.
[deleted] ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 12:58:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that's literally the point of philosophy though
Sinai ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No philosopher I read ever was as childish about it as Marx.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 22:48:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand? Really?
Sinai ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, really. I read Das Kapital cover to cover and it was ridiculous.
I dont think there's anything wrong with considering her a philosopher, but I see your point. Above all else, she's an author of primarily fiction who puts her opinions about government in her books more than she is a thinker that conjures up any truly original philosophy.
Now I'm wondering deeply what Rand's stance on the tree would have been. The tree gives freely and of its own free will, so it probably fits within her core principles. The brutality of the writing would be interesting, though.
Yeah, it would probably be the same story until the end where she has no sympathy for the tree. It died because it could not defend itself, that's it's own fault. It should not have given before it made sure it had enough.
"The man approached with the ax, a figure of strength unrestrained and exuberant. While the tree awaited the bite of the blade, she shivered in the wind, imagining what it might feel like to be chipped away by the man who had been the boy she'd loved. He, she knew, was worthy of her fruit, her branches, her all."
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 446 points ยท Posted at 03:04:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations on mindfucking me.
PlayMp1 ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 06:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real. Orwell was a socialist, so I have no idea what would happen there. Probably much terser, more readable writing, that's for sure. I love Orwell's plain, no-frills style.
Diggsi ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 12:15:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He really wasn't called to be a novelist. The place where he really shone was as an essayist.
And they both rely on widespread public fear of the other, even though too much power given to industry is just as dangerous as too much power given to government.
It's like the ending of Animal Farm. The more you look between the pigs and the men they overthrew, the less of a difference there seems to be.
PlayMp1 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:12:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Socialism doesn't want more power given to the government, it wants the means of production to be owned by the workers. Orwell himself would tell you that. He was literally there to see the best example of actual socialism in action in anarchist Catalonia.
See this is what always trips me up. (Excuse me if I accidentally make incorrect conflations when talking about socialism, it's been a while since I read Marx) Yes, socialism is an economic system not a political system, but so often those in favor seem to think you need a monolithic state in order to insure worker control of 'means of production' or merely assume that state control is citizen control. (i.e. State is made up of citizens and ostensibly acts in accordance with their will, thus citizens are the state). How do you get means of production into the hands of workers without some powerful entity forcing private enterprise into line?
On the other hand, capitalism in its purest form is a system of individual rights in which people are entitled to their own property. Locke's Two Treatises on Government codifys this view, showing that capitalism considers property and thus the fruits of labor (as property) as an extension of self.
From this sort of definition, I see no reason that workers cannot themselves some sort of enterprise communally (i.e. a business) within the framework of a capitalistic system. An example from our very own 'capitalistic' (there is no true capitalistic society in the world, it seems that in practice governments exist on some continuum from full pure capitalism to pure state control of enterprise but it's good enough)
tangent here: as I'm sure many of you have heard, if you go far enough right and left, you end up in the same place (fascist and communist governments seem to function in similar ways). In fact, Id assert that if you go far enough right towards right anarchism (anarcho-capitalism, anarcho-fascism, etc.) or left towards leftist anarchism (anarchy-socialism, anarcho-syndicalism, etc.) you probably reach the same place again (any thoughts?)
would serve to illustrate my point. Let's say you start a company. (As far as I know) There is nothing to stop you from paying all your employees in equity. In fact, most startups pay most early employees at least part in equity.
So worker control of enterprise in a 'capitalistic' system is not necessarily a contradiction. However, I'm sure someone will make the point that this can't play out in reality as capitalism inevitably concentrates money at the top. To counter this, I make the argument that it is a function of most human societies to funnel resources towards elites. (I am not a professional historian or anthropologist, so take this with a grain of salt) for example prehistoric society has a warrior chief or religious elites at its head, feudalism has kings and barons, the agricultural antebellum south (notable in that in contrast to the north, it is not a capitalistic system- slave labor and capitalism are a huge contradiction in that capitalism is most accurately defined on the individual worker level as wage labor) had the plantation elite, and today we have huge corporations and their ceos. (Technology and the abstraction of money (think of the agreements on debt mega banks use as credit with each other and such) certainly extends their reach, but I think that's a different point) in the case of the current situation in the us, the big business and big brother connection is what gives corporations power and their influence on government is essentially unregulatable(is this a word?))
In the case of US 'capitalism' we really see government falling in bed with big buisness in the late 70s and beyond following the democrats control during the "great consensus" period after WW2, were republicans took advantage of new ways of leveraging campaign financing to become the party of business (the democrats got in on too don't worry, they're all corrupt) and finally gain control (at times) for the first time in decades in practice this refers to the unfair monetary policy of the Fed, handouts, tax cuts etc. toward huge contributors
Yeah, why should socialists argue that their system does not necessitate, and hence comprise of, a strong central government to keep the market in check? If the change can happen voluntarily, then do it without changing government. /r/Anarcho_Capitalism
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:51:21 on August 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anarcho capitalism is just all the bad bits of capitalism with a bit of 'but what if the child consents' sprinkled on top.
It's a shame more people can't see this, because it's a very well thought-out argument.
And I completely agree with your angent about far left and right extremes being similar. In fact, I'd argue that equal opposites are alway equal evils, and that only by creating as equal a balance of corporate and federal interests as possible can we protect the interest of the people as a whole.
I'll throw another voice behind you. None of this is even ideological. It's just a factual account of Orwell's ideals and what socialist ideology is fundamentally about.
PlayMp1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:58:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, people don't like to hear that the conception of socialism they've had since middle school is wrong I guess. Not my fault the USSR was a pile of shit state capitalist country.
The service workers would own the business they're running. We already have these: they're called partnerships and they're frequently used for professional organizations like law firms or medical practices.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:12:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course you're getting downvoted because people don't like when the truth goes against their preconceived antisocialist worldview.
I get the joke, but I'm honestly just amazed she cranked out a book that long in her second language. If you told me to write a giant political novel in my second language I'd run away as fast as I could.
that is an interesting point. Both George Orwell and Ayn Rand were born outside the anglo-sphere and grew up speaking a different language (though orwell also spoke english from the start), which could explain why both of them have distinctive writing styles.
While I pondered, in detention
Suffering for my dissension
Wond'ring if my hand could write another broken law
When suddenly, there came a knocking
Breaking silence, ever shocking
The classroom door was now unlocking, like a waiting monster's maw
"What if toilets" my mind wondered, "Were monsters with seat maws?"
A comic on that I will draw.
Suddenly, in burst the teacher
Eyes flaring like a brimstone preacher
Except that I did notice he had one apparent flaw
His shirt was gone and out of sight
His pants and shoes had faced his might
He was almost as naked as when born to dad and ma
'Cept for a cape and skivvies, he stood bare 'fore us in awe
Quoth the captain, 'TRA-LA-LAA!'
[deleted] ยท 1019 points ยท Posted at 12:27:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Despite being economically handicapped, writers can sometimes be good at what they do rather than just using it as a mask for otherwise unjustifiable alcoholism.
Fenrils ยท 161 points ยท Posted at 19:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're really good at the alcoholism thing though, don't forget that.
I'm not sure if I hope that this is your profession and you're making boatloads of money, or if it's just a thing that you do on the side and just enjoy the hell out of it...
You know what? It seems that just about any time a redittor is proclaiming his or her "love" or "respect"... or even hatred of Poe and/or his works that same redditor misspells the name.
I understand when this happens if a non-fan of Poe is writing the name, but in any context where praise or admiration (or even dislike) is being rendered it is simply inexcusable.
You're right. The world won't end if Edgar Allan Poe's name is misspelled. But don't you think that people could be just a bit more attentive?
OP: You need to get some of these big name authors on board to do these for charity
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3110 points ยท Posted at 02:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, Christ- that's brilliant. Some kind of literacy push. I'll wait until the discussion rounds out some more, see what kind of things people are fiending for, and then if try and take a step forward with it.
nah they probably only hired him a year or two ago, and he's only just started writing now. Valve says they'll start programming the moment he's finished his first draft.
I know, I was continuing the joke by saying that after all these years they've only just hired someone to write the story. and they picked a notoriously slow writer, and nothing will be done to further production of the game in any department till he's done. Hence no sign of the game for a long time coming
You should check out Neil Gaiman's A Study in Emerald. It's more of an homage but it's basically him writing a sherlock holmes story in a Lovecraft style, very good short story.
They could probably do it the way musicians do, which I assume means getting permission from the original author (and their publisher or other copyright holder).
I know for a fact a lot of authors hang out on /r/fantasy so whole it wouldn't cover all of these suggestions, I bet you'd find a few willing to do it for fun there.
it would be a really big ask, considering most of these greats would have several of their own stories that they've been trying to develop properly for years, and how long most of them take to produce a work
sirgog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:00:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to get this off the ground as a charity thing, I'd ping Brandon Sanderson, who is active on Reddit a lot (hi, /u/mistborn !)
He is exactly the sort of person that would consider 'covering' a short story for charity and I could imagine him persuading other authors to do so.
Plus, who wouldn't want to see him do a literary 'cover 'of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter?
You know, I've had ideas like this in the past--then the whole Pride and Prejudice and Zombies thing happened, and there were HUGE numbers of things like this flooding bookshelves. I think everyone got bored of the idea very quickly, and I discarded any plans for anything similar.
Dont worry, BuzzFeed will take care of that for you tomorrow and take all the credit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like you need to reach out to Chuck. He's got some books to write
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:55:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Oxford book of Parodies is a bit like this, except they are not by the authors themselves. Some of my favourites:
Winnie the Pooh by Ernest Hemmingway
"Pooh got up and he went out into the snow and he went to see Piglet. Piglet had been one of the great ones, once. Piglet had been one of the poujadas, one of the endarillos, one of the nogales. He had been one of the greatest nogales there had ever been, but he was not one of the greatest nogales any more."
Little Jack Horner by Anthony Powell
"Horner had got himself established as far as possible from the centre of the room"
Irving Welsh's sermon on the mount
โThe crowd wants nosh, man. And so do I. Philip patted his belly.
Jesus snorted. โYou donโt look like you needed any.
โThey can fuck off and buy their own, I said.
โThereโs no shops here, said Andrew. โSoon theyโll faint.
โBugger that, said Jesus. โLetโs see what weโve got.
Andrew went round with a basket.
โThatโs pathetic, I said. โTwo fishes and five loaves? Thatโs IT?
โSEVEN loaves, DICKHEAD.
โYou an IDIOT, or what? Youโve got five there!
โShut the FUCK UP, said Jesus. He waved his hand over the basket.
โHocus . . . Pocus . . .
And then there's GK Chesterton (the real one) doing Old King Cole in the style of 5 or 6 different poets
It doesn't work (at least as full novels) because of the work involved. It's a lot easier to learn a song and make a few tweaks than it is to write a whole new novel with the same story as an old novel.
That said, this was basically Shakespeare's whole shtick.
Children's books and short stories would be a lot easier for authors to do pro bono because of the shorter time commitments. Covers of accompanying illustrations could be really neat, too.
At the very least, short story excerpts of famous novels since a novel takes so long to right. musicians cover songs, not entire albums, and a novel is no small task.
ArconC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If they turn out mostly short stories then put them in a collection an audiobook version would be awesome
I wonder if /u/thesoundandthefury would be interested in doing a cover of The Sound and the Fury. Or, since novels take a long time, a short story such as Hills like White Elephants.
I'm just going to go out there and say this. If you want something like this done, probably best to stay in your lane. I get that you can ride the internet stardom to a degree, but I don't think because you had a shower thought that that means you're the best suited person to go round up famous celebrities and line up charities.
JJRicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:24 on June 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, what's up now?
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:37 on June 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I passed the ball to another redditor with some connections in the publishing industry- project was too big for me. Hopefully they'll be able to pull something together.
This really is a good idea. I think it would be feasible financially too. Most classic novels are in public domain. If I am understand public domain correctly, there would be nothing stopping anyone from doing this.
eSHODAN ยท 15746 points ยท Posted at 02:49:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The old "I read it for the articles" quip is actually not that hard to believe. Some of the articles that I have read in playboy have been top notch.
Khatib ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 10:22:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always did, but I'm only 35. By the time I got a Playboy sub in college, free porn online was everywhere. No need to pay for it. I paid for the articles and the interviews.
Even before internet, there were plenty of raunchier magazines without pretense. Playboy sold, well, the playboy image. Even their explicit photos were coy in a demure way.
I don't know if this is a fake memory or something, but I swear there was a Dahl story I read when I was like 8 about a group of bullies who shoot and kill a swan, and then try to kill a boy who climbs a tree with the dead swan or something and who ends up flying away using its dead wings or whatever
Oswald Hendryks Cornelius, an extremely attractive and wealthy bounder, was the greatest fornicator of his time. In this installment of his scorchingly frank memoirs, Uncle Oswald recounts his discovery of the sexually invigorating properties of the Sudanese Blister Beetle, and his cunning plan to steal what men are most willing to give away. Oswald and his partner in crime, the seductive and beautiful Yasmin Howcomely, travel all over Europe to retrieve the sperm of powerful, rich and artistic men.
They freeze the sperm with the plan of selling it to rich women who wish to create children using the genes of the rich and intelligent.
I just read Pig, and... I'm kind of disappointed? There was a lot of information that never really amounted to anything, like the confusingly elaborate story about the parents and the strange bank man. The ending was absurdly simple/boring and half-way gory in my opinion. Can someone explain to me the appeal for them?
I believe the appeal comes from all the build up with a sympathetic protagonist only for it to come to an abrupt and shocking (if really obvious as soon as he left for the butcher's) ending.
That's my guess at least. Compared to a lot of Roald Dahl's other horror stuff this was pretty mediocre. Mostly for the reasons you described. I'd assume this is one of his earlier works, because his writings is a lot more focused in collections like Skin.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:48:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is awesome! Thank you so much for sharing this, I just downloaded it. Can't wait to read!
I believe the protagonist was Roald Dahl himself, who crashed his Gloster Gladiator in the North African Desert around Egypt during his time as WW2 Pilot. He had those dreams in a semi-conscious state after dragging himself on the wreckage of his plane. It was included in the second volume of his Auto-Biography. Flying Solo i believe its called. I read it a few times when i was younger.
It's my personal favorite short story of all time. Is Naivety and joy is better than pain and understanding? It's one of his early works. Strongly suggest googling. Also has one of the strongest last lines of any short story.
Granted it's been a little while but there were a few elements to it that I found unsettling. I found the way it was written gave it an over all feeling of confusion and disassociation, especially after the crash. In a surreal daze he describes the plane falling apart around him as fuel begins leaking into the cockpit, eventually catching fire. He realizes he's been injured but he isn't sure how bad, there's blood dripping from his face but when he touches it it is warm and sticky and his features don't feel familiar or correct. As the flames begin to lick his legs he blearily realizes he must get out of the plane. All this is told to us in the unnaturally calm manner of a narrator who has undergone severe trauma.
The general gist of the story is not supposed to be scary as far as I'm aware, but I get extremely anxious reading it.
He's written several extremely unsettling short stories. They're awesome and full of great ideas and some of those ideas ended up in his childrens books.
... do you dislike ketchup? The sharp acidic bite of a good ketchup can add a lot to food. Overcooking steak will ruin it, and ketchup might actually help.
And when it comes to steak, I order mine blue rare... and not with ketchup or A1.
I've always loved the premise of the book, but I've also always felt ostracized from the novel due to the sometimes incoherent writing. I understand completely what Golding was trying to accomplish with the writing style, and I fully appreciate it, but I felt that while the novel had depth and was ridden with commentary, I just didn't enjoy reading it as much as I wanted to.
With that in mind, I absolutely love the idea another author trying their hand at the concept. I'm even working on a staged adaptation of LoTF, because I feel an unsettling and disturbing stage play of the story would be a fun medium to experiment with!
This is brilliant. Someone who is regularly referred to as "moneybags," non-ironically by their friends should give you gold. In my opinion, you earned it.
Have you read The Witches? I watched the movie in 3rd grade and it was fucked up, Dahl didn't like the film because it actually had too happy of an ending that was changed from the book. Well in the book it's a bit more bittersweet I suppose.
It's great! Don't let any spoilers get in your head, a teacher in my school would spoil the story with her worksheets ahead of time and it's a fantastic story to experience for the first time.
If you know the knowful of you sir and the enemy, sir, you will win every big boom battle. If you, sir, know yourself, sir, but not the enemy sir, you will win big boom battle and they will win one big bang battle. If you, sir, don't know you sir or the enemt sir, you will lose, sir, every big boom battle with the enemt sir.
That which is dead for millenia tends to stay dead; only by unholy machinations of a macabre nature could something be resurrected beyond its time. It was in this way that John Hammond, entrepreneur, dabbler in necromancy, and generally respected man in society sought to play with life and death for personal gain.
But that which sleeps beneath the earth yearns only to be surrounded by death.
Unfortunately I'm just very familiar with Lovecraft, not really Jurassic Park (I saw the movie some several years ago). Someday soon I'll get to reading it, and with this response I'd like to put together a short story!
And a dash of racism.
Do not forget to call mix race people mongrels!
QuinZ33 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 11:49:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an ongoing struggle for me. I really enjoy Lovecraft's works, but every time I run into those references, I just cringe and it takes me out of the story.
I just tell myself that it was more acceptable back when he wrote these, even though I know that there were A LOT of people that didn't feel that way even then.
if it makes it any better, he was genuinely pretty remorseful about it in the end of his life
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair even in his time he was pretty racist. He hated everyone. I think he just hated people in general, other than people who were very similar to him. Even in terms of intellect.
Irrah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's still not within Lovecraft's cosmic pessimism. Derived as it was from Darwinism ultimately, mostly everything within Lovecraft's works is natural. The only things that aren't are a few ghosts, some magic, and perhaps the Dreamworlds.
[Yo it's done from my phone, sorry for the faily formatting]
I am Edward Blake, professor at the Miskatonic University, and witness of the most horrifying events. As I think back on them, I realise, more and more, that my colleagues and I should have heeded all the warnings we had been given. Yet, we let our own curiosity, our thirst for knowledge, blind us against our own, better judgement. The events I lived are still too fresh, and putting words on them would be too difficult. It is the reason why I decided to share one of our most complete warning, all the while regretting deeply that we had not followed it. I wish to do so, so no one - I hope - will repeat our own mistake.
I am writing this against my very own judgement, yet took it as a duty to talk about the events that will follow, as men of science recently showed a renewed interest in them, in spite of all my warnings. The documents I will provide with this text, photographs and ink drawings, will probably be jeered at as obvious impostures, while their strangeness will remain a mystery even to the most qualified experts.
It started three years ago, with the strangest sights being repeatedly notified by locals living at the border of the still fairly unexplored forest of Sarkandia. These very sightseeings had not been immediately brought to the attention of the international scientific community, as these witnesses were by large and wide considered retarded, and still holding a backward way of living. Strange rumours were told about them, about the occasional disappearance in the forest that would border their shanty settlement, how they would always keep to themselves, and how sometimes, the strangest chants coming from their village could be vaguely heard across the valley.
Even before I was made aware of the numerous sights of these people, their peculiar ways had piqued my interest, for I am an anthropologist, and my work as such is fueled by a personal curiosity about ways alien to my own. It is with that fact in mind that, during my first researches, and my first attempt at reaching this isolated settlement, I was warned by the local authorities of the strange sights. The men didn't seem to put a lot of thought or belief in these notifications, and recorded them on the sole basis that it was their work, and would make a form of entertainment and private amusement for them. Still, it didn't discouraged me - on the contrary, it pressed me to contact my fellow researchers, and to organise a small expedition in the forest of Sarkandia. Even if we weren't to find anything related to the sights, the expedition could very well lead to the expansion of our own knowledge of the world, as well as bring a seemingly more advanced way of living to those poor souls.
As the months passed, I managed to plead for my case, and was granted enough funds for a rather informal expedition, and it is eight months after my first travel that I could go back there, to the deep forest of Sarkandia. Among my colleagues, the most esteemed Prof. John F. Byrne, head of anthropology and whose speciality was the Amazonian tribes, was selected to lead the expedition, and I was to be his assistant. The travel to the village happened without any incident, and we had decided to ignore the banters and occasional odd looks of the authorities as they drove us as far as they could. Their curious reluctance to get close to the village should have alerted us, as even if they didn't seem to fear its inhabitants, the place itself seemed to make them uncomfortable enough to show signs of what we took for simple superstition. If only we had given it more credit, instead of being blinded by our pretention, maybe the events would have been much different.
As we made our way to the village, following an obviously used trail that marked the only path possible, lest one could be lost in a forest that seemed thicker at each step, yet had a certain charm to it, we noticed strange plants unknown to us, that seemed from another time, an older time. Then, the first houses, more like distorted cabins, appeared, and we found ourselves struck by the queer appearance of both the place and its inhabitants. The houses were organised in three circles, around a space that looked like it was the main place, where the entire village would assemble in times of celebration. In the middle of it, an incredibly high wooden totem had been erected and, despite the effect of the weather on the wood, its decorations could still be clearly visible - patterns we then couldn't fathom, made of many points and effects of reptilian scales, in a suprisingly elaborated fashion. And then there was the inhabitants, short and swarthy people, with a thick waist and a head fully shaved, saved for a small braid dyed in red that would tumble down their back. They had a strangely thick and elongated nose, eyes that seemed too small, and queerest of all, their front teeth filed to look like fangs. Even though they seemed isolated, they could speak the current language of their country, and some signs indicated us that while they were fairly isolated, they would occasionally leave their settlement - the contacts made recently with the authorities were a fine example of that. Yet, we had guessed a certain wariness from both parties, and these contacts did not feel that frequent.
These people treated us decently, but with a similar, silent suspicion. We stayed in their village for two weeks, trying to gather as much informations as possible. One evening during which I could not, for reasons that still escape me, find sleep, I noticed a shadow entering the deep forest. One could say, it is when this horror really started, and it was this single mistake that led us all to the current state of affairs. My curiosity was then still led by a certain common sense, and I decided to not follow and venture in the forest. Yet, I waited all night long, after I had sneaked behind the houses to get closer to it, to observe and listen. At first, there was nothing but the leaves rustling in the gentle nocturnal breeze, and the usual sounds of the forest. Then, something more was slowly added to it. It dawns on me now that it had most likely been happening right from the start, but noticed it only when it became more pronounced, once my senses and mind had already gotten used to it. What I had taken for a simple vegetal rustling was hiding soft growls, with the rhythm of a chant that was entirely foreign to my ears, yet had a strange beauty to it. It was only when the song of the first bird, announcing that dawn had come, that I came back to my senses, and realised that not only I had spent the entire night awake, but that I also had completely lost track of time. Yet, this curious discovery pushed me to immediately make a report to Prof. Byrne.
At that time, I was being solely led by my own intellectual hunger, which proved itself fairly contagious. Prof. Byrne and I chose to keep this discovery to ourselves for the moment, and keep observing the population. Yet, we had decided to take turns to watch, every night, if another of the villagers would head in the forest, as we had in mind to follow and discover what manner of what seemed as an exotic and mysterious ritual was being hidden from us. And ten days later, the occasion of following appeared to us again. Tailing the sneaking shadow proved difficult, and we had to put all our attention in a quantity of parameters - paying attention to where we'd step, to the many plants that could be in our path, to keep a reasonable distance as to not get caught, but not lost either.
Thinking back on it, this tailing seemed awfully suspicious - as if it had been done on purpose. Yet, in our quest for knowledge, we had purely and simply ignored all form of common sense and caution, to the profit of science. Now, the reader of this report may wonder how we managed to tail this person, in the middle of the night and in a thick, tropical forest. Well, it didn't strike us at first, but it felt like the forest was glowing, in a gloomy green light, as if it was guiding us, pushing us to follow and go further. Focused as we were on properly tailing the inhabitant of the village, we simply hadn't paid attention - another mistake. The villager came to an abrupt stop in a clearing of a shape too circular to be natural. In the middle of it, a totem like the twin of the one placed at the center of the village could be seen, though in the faint, green glow, it seemed much more ancient and threatening. As we can to a stop, and hid behind a wild bush high enough to offer the appropriate protection, we saw the villager circle around the tall, wooden pole, in a rhythm that seemed to slowly accelerate. Strange inflections, all in growls and rumbles, came from the dancer, and felt to us like a forgotten chant, coming from somewhere, deep down the earth, giving us a feeling of dread that I, for some reasons, associated since then to what the entrance to Hell would feel like. And as the dancer seemingly entered into a state of trance, we witness an incredibly unsettling spectacle: filed teeth pierced the skin and reaching the flesh, blood splattering the totem pole at random, as the queer dance kept going - until the dancer collapsed brutally on the moss-covered floor, and started convulsing violently. That is when we saw it, the strange, faint green light enveloping the entire scene in an eerie glow as the nails grew thicker, and the skin became scales, starting where the skin had been pierced. Then the legs changed in a manner that still makes me sick. In a cracking noise like an ill omen, the articulations broke and reversed themselves, the legs started to look less human, and more beastly - and the entire body followed in a sickening show, that was accentuated by the sudden stench that filled our nose and lungs. Our common sense would have then told us to run, to go back to the village, but we were transfixed, until the body stopped moving, and looked like a strange mix of reptile and human characteristics.
As we made a move to go back, thinking the body as limp as it was dead, its eyes brutally opened - two glowing green orbs, and a double row of teeth like a distorted smile -, looking at us. That is when, finally, Prof. Byrne and I seemed to get back to our senses. Yet, it was already too late, as a rustling to loud to be caused by the wind could be heard, green orbs floating in the shadows. As we got back up, the professor's legs, numbed by the prolonged squat, failed him, and his left knee hit a thick root in an awkward angle. The noise caused by this accidental fall was immediately followed by a loud, rumbling growl, and everything that happened afterwards is still a vivid yet distant memory. I picked the professor up, and tried to run with him, to head back to the village. But heavy steps could be felt behind us, getting closer and closer, with the slow rhythm of a being certain that it could effortlessly catch its prey. No matter how fast I could go, it was easily catching up, and it took only a crooked root making us fall for panic to take over any form of organised thought. All in scales, filed teeth and muscular limbs that felt like they had been human once, the creature's shadow loomed and enveloped us. I got back up and took to a run like never before, guided by my own instinct, by a fear that ran far deeper than anything I could have felt until now. I found myself deaf to the screamed pleads of Prof. Byrne, only concerned by the primal instinct of getting to a safe place.
Remembering that fateful night is enough to make me lose all form of appetite and sleep. Guilt is present, haunting me on a daily basis, as I see the looming shadow of the reptilian creature in every dark corner, and find myself unable to get out at night, or even stay in a dark room without entering in a deep state of absolute fear. That very night, I ran and ran, past the village that I somehow had managed to reach, then on the path that led outside this sordid forest, promising myself to not look back, and never approaching this damn, forgotten place again.
And so it is my humble warning, to any body who would be mad enough to meddle in the strange affairs of the inhabitants of the Sarkandian forest, for this place is less human than it seems - and I have witnessed it directly.
I am Edward Blake, from the Miskatonic University. I decided to put down the terrible, yet unknown, incident of the forest of Sarkandia. And as I write this testimony, and observe yet again the strange drawings of creatures that seem out of an ancient, forgotten age, I feel more and more that it would be safer for everybody to leave the forest of Sarkandia alone, as some things are better kept in the dark.
Jushak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:22:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm think that is called The Cave. There is actually an audiovisual version of the story for android available for free, which was pretty interesting. It was better experience than I expected.
That really wouldn't be too hard to be honest. Basically the only difference is that the dinosaurs wouldn't be the problem, but the growing paranoia about the dinosaurs would be the downfall.
It ends right before the T-Rex gobbles down its first victim and the whole novella is the buildup of that "tall looming, organic creature behind the broken fence"
Eh, I mean, I'm sure it'd be terrifying and awesome but there'd be a few awkward scenes in there where he writes about how black people are less evolved than white people and horribly racist stuff like that.
Maybe stick to some of the later Lovecraftian Mythos writers
He wouldn't get to the animal sex, he'd get stuck writing about food.
zopiac ยท 1538 points ยท Posted at 06:42:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given how much I remember Strawberry Cordial and candied chestnuts about as much as I remember actual plot lines... I shudder to think about how many pages chapters George would cover with table spreads.
In middle school, I did a book report/show and tell presentation in English on The Long Patrol, and my mom helped me bake chocolate and blueberry scones. I'm pretty sure people were laughing at me, but they shut up pretty quickly when they ate the scones.
They boiled rats alive with porridge once, so that was a thing.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So is Miso soup essentially Rice porridge? Because miso and Sushi is excellent, except raw squid, no thanks. I don't think Rat would be good, esp without the giblets removed
Apparently they made a cartoon about it at some point as I learned from one of my cousins kids, then I made a feast joke and he didn't get it which makes me think they didn't stay true to the material.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. The show has the prayer to the fish meal pretty much verbatim.
Brian Jacques narrated most of the audiobooks, and his son plays a lot of the characters too. Actually, I DEFINITELY recommend the audiobooks if you're feeling reminicisent. They bring the story to life just brilliantly. They're not just about someone narrating a book; there are different voice actors, they sing the songs (!!) and I didn't feel like it spoiled or changed my rememberance or interpretation of the stories; if anything, they increased my love of them because many years later, they painted my memories with a more vivid brush. If you're a fan, please download them!
Just so you know, Brian Jaques wrote those food scenes so detailed so that blind kids who were reading the books (through braille or audio book) could get the same amount out of it as non disabled kids, because it focused on tastes and smells and so on.
So the main reason for Jaques and his food obsession is that he loved to help the most vulnerable in society and he was a great man, but now we just make fun of him and he's a meme
Brian Jaques is one of if not the best thing out of Liverpool since the Beatles
That's not the only reason, although it is one reason.
Brian Jacques said in interviews that war rationing was extremely tight when he was a child. He used to be so hungry that he would just read cookbooks for hours and imagine all of the nice food. That's why his novels go to great lengths describing how good all the food is.
Food descriptions are where Brian Jaqques and GRRM are practically the same person. I don't think GRRM's Redwall feasts would be significantly different.
I don't think GRRM would focus on the food that much, the only time I remember him talking at length about food is to make a contrast between the starving masses in kings landing and the upper class of lords. The reason redwell is so focused is much different.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:35:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why did they talk so much about food? i champed like 10 of those books between the ages of 10 to 13 and never really thought about how much they talked about it till people mentioned it recently
Is it me, or is there not even that much sex in the Asoiaf books? I'm halfway through the fourth one and judging by the way everybody's been raving about the sex, they seem fairly tame to me. But I agree, don't get the guy started on food... Also every character seems to have about three stomachs or something given as they consume like, four course meals by the boatload.
fre3k ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 06:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every furry's favorite new book.
Sobsz ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 06:49:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what you'd think but fan fiction is categorized by het (straight), slash (gay), or gen (no sex/romance)
Sobsz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You shouldn't be surprised, there's slash fiction of literally everything. I once Googled dirty material featuring a probably-not-adult dragon character from a cartoon you probably haven't heard of and it turned up 113k results. Granted, that's about 10 results in Google speak, but still.
Apparently the audiobooks are narrated by Jacques and the characters are a whole cast of voice actors including his son!
FameDV ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:07:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yessss. They're great! I didn't have the attention span as a kid for reading but I listened to those audiobooks countless times. Honestly it ruined audiobooks for me; if it isn't read by the actual author, with a full cast, what's the point?
(I'm joking of course. I know audiobooks can be great with just one narrator.) but man, it was especially useful, as a kid, to hear the accents of all the characters. I don't think i'd've been able to figure out what they sounded like just in my head.
If you're still into audiobooks (god knows I couldn't get through life without them), check out the recording of the His Dark Materials trilogy. It's narrated by Philip Pullman and a full cast and is awesome.
Yea, it's also appropriately sized for mice. eg - Badgers are Tarrasque esque super creatures that take entire armies to engage. As opposed to Redwall where they are Anthropomorphized into a more reasonable size.
There's also Armello, an excellent digital board game that can in fact perhaps be best described as "Redwall meets Game of Thrones." Four adventurers fighting to take the throne of the corrupt and dying king.
They still are! There's a forum for the Redwall series, and there's a Soma Games outreach account. They hosted an FAQ about the game on April 18. So at least it seems like it's still being worked on. Dunno if it'll be finished anytime soon, but it's a WIP.
I'm not going to link it because that forum is a delightful and innocent place and I don't wanna accidentally send waves of redditors at it. But a quick google search should bring it up.
They did offer an explanation as to why it's been taking so long, though:
One thing we have to speak to fairly often is Brian's well known comments that there would never be ANY Redwall video game. Many people suspect that once he passed away things change and nobody is respecting his wishes but that isn't the case. Mr. Jacques was fully part of the original contract deal that started this project. Basically video game technology had evolved a great degree between the mid nineties and the double-oughts and he became comfortable that a game COULD finally capture the heart of his stories. As an odd twist of fate our original partner on this deal was just a few days from flying to Liverpool to sign his deal when Mr. Jacques suddenly passed away. Needless to say, that DID throw a lot of dust in the air that had to settle out but the bottom line was that he was on-board before he passed and we've continued to work with the Jacque's family to make sure this game stays true to the spirit of Redwall.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's more stealth with rpg elements but Ghost of a Tale is pretty sweet.
The first time I read that when his lady love got thrown against a wall and died I reread that section like 15 times because my little child brain Could. Not. Compute. What was happening.
I was just reading through his bio... lots of fascinating stuff in there that I never knew:
At age ten, assigned to write an animal story, he wrote about a bird that cleaned a crocodile's teeth. His teacher could not believe that a ten-year-old wrote it, and caned the boy for refusing to admit copying the story.[1] He had always loved to write, but only then did he realize the extent of his abilities. He attended St John's School until age fifteen, when he left school (as was usual at the time) and set out to find adventure as a merchant sailor. His book Redwall was written for his "special friends",[1] the children of the Royal Wavertree School for the Blind, whom he first met while working as a milkman. He began to spend time with the children, reading books to them. However, he became dissatisfied with the state of children's literature, with too much adolescent angst and not enough magic,[citation needed] and eventually began to write stories for them. He is known for the very descriptive style of his novels, which emphasize sound, smell, taste, gravity, balance, temperature, touch, and kinesthetics, not just visual sensations. His work gained acclaim when Alan Durband, his former English teacher (who also taught Paul McCartney and George Harrison), showed it to his (Durband's) own publisher without telling Jacques.[1] Durband told his publishers: "This is the finest children's tale I've ever read, and you'd be foolish not to publish it". Soon after, Jacques was summoned to London to meet with the publishers, who gave him a contract to write the next five books in the series.
His books were some of the first that really gave me the feeling that the world was real because he described not just a visual of the world, but smells, textures, and taste. I love his books!
Wow that's fascinating. Thanks for sharing. I'm totally making a trip to the library tomorrow to rent Redwall again. It's been nearly 20 years since I have read it
The Watch as literal crows. Ooh, that'd be cool. And Jon as a wolf (were they ever in Redwall?) joining the crows, always feeling outcast due to his species.
Then again that makes no sense, only crows can't be sentenced to the Wall. The Watch would then be their normal mix, with messenger crows being exactly the same, only sentient and able to speak their messages. Dude, I want this.
Because they are the largest animals naturally found in the UK iirc. Brian Jacques based the entire ecology of Redwall on the UK, which is why you don't see lots of animals you might have expected to see. It was odd for me as someone from the USA to not see some "common" animals as a kid.
I don't think he could find a way to work them into the plot. I remember it being mentioned before. All the other animals are UK animals with some exceptions for "exotic" creatures that were either imported or related to some of the places they visit, like the Monitor Lizards in Pearls of Lutra.
Those animals were usually one offs for either a single story, or individuals that arrived from far away and were the only one of their kind.
Fuck yes, out of all '24 million copies sold worldwide', this is the first I've heard in years of anyone else reading that series. Asmodeus was a stone cold badass.
Absolutely. Honestly some of the character deaths in Jacques' books are right up there on the shocking violence or onion cutting scale. Some of the villain deaths are downright gross and some of the heroic deaths still get me choked up to this day.
probably yeah. Imagine the troll scene in first book. Someone would surely be on the toilet and in the tower, some unlucky kids and elder students trying to take him out who didnยดt make it.
in Second year some kids might start to disappear at night due to Basiliskยดs feeding and some would become statues and some would be frozen cause they did not see the snake directly. Also some Harryยดs and Ronยดs friends would go with them to Aragog where baby spiders would eat them or at least catch them as in the Hobbit movies.
Third year would be really crazy. Some deaths by Dementors and too much time travel stuff which would be connected to first and last book.
Fourth year with the Tournament would be also a mess, bloodbath Tournament it would be nicknamed and only a few would survive. And there would be a much more dueling as well. Even among kids who would be bullied in the dormatories and sometimes fought on the halls.
Fifth year is a year where Voldemort got back, Order was established and there are secret things happening.
Sixth year is mostly about Voldyยดs past and then great fight in the end with Dumbledore being killed and beheaded and thrown from the tower. His head they would carry as a price.
Year seven, big hunt for the trio also some paradox from year three will turn out and shake the things up.
Also horcruxes would be hinted in like.. chapter one of book one.
Xisuthrus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:07 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be way more emphasis on the Pureblood families and their marriage habits.
For pure ridiculousness, I'd kill to see how Jane Austen would tackle something like 50 Shades of Grey
[deleted] ยท 465 points ยท Posted at 03:27:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As much as it pains me to say it, I don't think that's such a far stretch.
Mr. Grey flashed me the whip handle from the belt of his uniform and grinned. "Won't you join me in the gaming room, Ms. Steele?
The nerve! "Heavens, no. That would be terribly improprietous, Mr. Grey, and I intend to maintain my ladyhood."
"Very well, my lady. I shall call on you again, when you are feeling less proprietous and more inclined to adventure," Mr Grey smirked, sending a flush through my cheeks!
I would feel no such thing! Why must Mr. Grey infuriate and excite me so?
ratsta ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 04:32:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure there'd also be entire chapters of the Steele girls sitting around gossiping/bitching about various suitors as well.
[deleted] ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 03:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This somehow sounds more interesting than anything that I've heard about Jane Austen or 50 Shades of Grey.
I still want to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Anfrax ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:33:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't tolerate Pride and Prejudice, so I naively went into this book thinking it would be much more palatable. But, no luck--I couldn't tolerate Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, either. Significant parts of the book remain intact, or only cosmetically different: there's still a lot of gossip, etiquette, and relationship drama that bored me. If you enjoy that sort of writing, you'll likely be fine with either version. If you didn't like the original, however, then the addition of zombies and ninja backstories to the plot won't actually do all that much to enhance the base content. I myself found that I was mildly amused by these sections, but bored to tears by the rest. I was about a third of the way through P&P&Z when I asked myself why I was pretending I wouldn't rather be reading a Max Brooks novel, like World War Z. Then I went and read World War Z and had a generally more enjoyable experience.
Watch the film with Lily James and Sam Riley, it's pure gold. I love Pride and Prejudice and I was sceptical, but it just works. Also check out the Lizzie Bennet Diaries if you fancy a more palatable/relatable version of the original novel
Corund ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune is in want of a hand on his cock.
My AP English class got in trouble because we all admitted to just reading the spark notes instead of the actual book for Jane Eyre, since none of us could stay interested enough to get past the third chapter. Even the prim and proper, everything according to the rules girl gave up on it.
Oohhh! That's a great idea! I've been getting into audible recently bc I get so motion sick if I try to read on public transit, so I'll add that to my list. Thanks!
good one. and actually speaking of jฤฑst for fun 50 shades of grey is the perfect cover book i guess. flaubert, balzac or even tolstoy. name it. ridiculousness ensues
I mean I have, but covers are suppose to obey the laws of time, imo
[deleted] ยท 3514 points ยท Posted at 03:19:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tao Te Ching - George carlin
"Knowing who is a fucking moron is intelligence;
knowing that you aren't a fucking moron is true wisdom."
"Those who know how life works do not speak. Those who speak are often corn-hole eating mouth breathers that deserve to be tossed into a volcano."
"A man with outward courage dares to die like a fucking idiot; a man with inner courage dares to live and watch that arrogant asshole get blown to smithereens.โ
"The wise man is one who knows that he still has to wipe his own ass like everyone else.โ
"I can look North, West, South, and East and do nothing cause I don't fucking care where I am."
"Be careful around a river in the winter, by keeping your ass warm inside your house."
"Motivation is the cause of people's mischiefs. It's the motivated people that are ones causing all the problems. Look at lazy and unmotivated people and tell me what trouble they cause."
"If you know where your bed is you have half your day planned already."
Motivation is. Sans "show me a guy who is laying around watching game shows and stroking his penis and I'll show you a guy who isn't causing any fucking problems"
dbrank ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:01:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's very close to this, one of my favorite bits by him
"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, you will be beaten with heavy clubs and left bleeding in the moonlight."
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 08:25:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude yes.
I once found a gangster Tao te Ching online, it was dope
Do you know where I could find this gangster Tao te Ching? I googled it without success.
laxt ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:07:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As sacrilege it might be for me to suggest this (and I only do so out of jest), Sun Tzu's "Art of War" is heavily influenced by Taoism and is written in much of the same manner as the Tao Te Ching.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I guess "gangster" isn't he right word - it was a vague memory from well over a year ago. Anyway I'm pretty sure this is it http://www.beatrice.com/TAO.pdf
It's just "loose" I would say
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:08:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last one made me realize that mitch hedburg doing zen koans would be hilarious.
Jushak ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 09:39:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"There two things in life: stuff and shit. Your shit is stuff, other people's stuff is shit. True path to enlightenment is to never take shit from people and making sure your stuff doesn't go to shit.
Edit: In the off-chance that there are actually people who haven't seen it, here's the inspiration.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:49:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he enjoyed it. It made him happy to interpret such things.
eimat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:56:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh - that's what we should call a new subreddit. (Or something that means that.) 'Carlin's Wisdom from Beyond' , or 'Carlin's words from the grave' or something like that. Anyone here do a passable Carlin imitation?
Well, if you look at my username, you'll see that I'm a cynical bastard, so I'm in. Do it!
laxt ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well pretty much everything he said still applies today. But I think I see what you're saying; how he would react to the clusterfuck from the 2016 election and the aftermath that we're dealing with now. Including the Russian stuff. He'd have plenty to work with.
MRSN4P ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:17:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is a Kevin Smith movie that should be made.
What are you talking about, he was an exemplary journalist. He may not have been your typical article in a newspaper sort of guy, but his coverage of many events are incredibly in depth.
He provides a perspective through a lens that most of us don't get to experience, but can relate to. His analysis is also incredibly spot on, with things like his wave speech and his piece on 9/11 are not only insightful, but also borderline prophetic.
Frank Mankiewicz, McGovernโs campaign manager, would often say in later years that the book, despite its embellishments, represented โthe least factual, most accurate accountโ of the election.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:48:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only thing I've read by Thompson is his article about the Kentucky Derby. Apparently he made up a lot of it, which doesn't seem like good journalism. It is entertaining though.
I think if he was around today he would get shit for doing stuff like that. I can't speak to him as a journalist as a whole though, so I won't.
He lived next door to a friend of mine's aunt. He would get all annoyed and put his lights out. With a pistol. Then he would appear on her doorstep, drunk, with said pistol to talk about anything. He was interesting. He also had a flamethrower on his back deck. For reasons.
He was a great journalist. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 72' is one of the best political books of all time. It's still taught in universities around the US as an example of the 1960's political turmoil. There is more truth in that book then anything else you will read about the 68-72 Presidential campaigns.
Marenum ยท 1028 points ยท Posted at 04:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much anything by Thompson. I'd love to hear his Harry Potter. "We were somewhere near Hogwarts on the edge of the enchanted forest when the drugs began to take hold."
[deleted] ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 07:33:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โWe had two bags of Chocolate Frogs, seventy-five Fizzing Whizzbees, five packs of Cockroach Cluster, a salt-shaker half-full of Glacial Snow Flakes, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored Puking Pastilles, Pumpkin Pasties, Nosebleed Nougats, Acid Pops โฆand also a quart of firewhiskey, a quart of mulled mead, a case of butterbeer, a pint of raw gigglewater, and two dozen Sugar Quills.
Not that we needed all that for our trip into the Forbidden Forest, but once you get locked into a serious sweets collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.โ
Marenum ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:01:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's perfect. Man, maybe we should just fan-fic this thing.
There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a wizard in the depths of a gigglewater binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
Toromak ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 06:23:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would probably be a long, meandering political piece told in a first person style, as a student from hogwarts who is sick and tired of all the bullshit teachers and politicians within the ministry, while also trying to get as wild as possible on experimental spells that nearly kill him and everyone around him every time. Some of it may be fictional, but some of it may actually contain a few nuggets of raw truth, laid out in a fashion that horrifies us all.
In my headcanon, Gonzo is Hunter S. Thompson, and Gonzo's species reproduces asexually through distribution of hallucinogenic mutagens to unsuspecting sapient species.
Holden tries to get away from everything for a day, but somehow ends up stranded in NYC on a week-long psychedelic drug binge where he comes to the realization that being a phony is part of the inescapable nature of growing up
I think the depressed part is why so many think he is so dislikable. Because of his depression he feels like nothing matters and nothing feels genuine to him. I read it not long after getting out of a depression and could immediately identify the feelings.
andero ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:40:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might like "Less Than Zero" by Bret Easton Ellis.
B0h1c4 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:50:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to say 'Catcher in the Rye', but I didn't have a particular author in mind. Hunter S Thompson would be awesome!
My original thinking though was to have a younger author with a more modern twist on the same story. I feel like the lives of today's youths are so much different than to they were back then. It might be interesting to see a modern twist on it.
I'm not sure which of Thompson's works you're referencing, but if the only thing you got from it was him patting himself on the back for you doing drugs, then I feel confident saying:
For context - Pynchon's seminal novel includes a scene where a woman erotically defecates in the mouth of her Nazi lover. At least, I think that's what happened, I left that novel more confused that when I started.
The lover mentioned above is actually a British brigadier who's being "rewarded" with extreme BDSM to keep him compliant by a deranged scientist conducting ethically dubious wartime experiments with government funding.
The novel also includes long hallucinations, a detailed description of a massive orgy, Nazi threesomes themed around Hansel and Gretel which involve a man in drag wearing a plastic vagina covered in razors, secret messages from the government which can only be revealed by ejaculating on them, a porn actress going around murdering children, a psychic woman imagining a lesbian elephant sixty-nine (???), someone being drowned in a bathtub of semolina pudding, castration, seances, an octopus trained to kill people, and a man who's tasked by the government to go into people's imaginations and deal with their psychological hang ups. I'm sure I'm missing some stuff.
Oh, and the plot of the novel also revolves around a man who goes around having sex with European women and every time he does, a V2 rocket obliterates the site within a week. This man is then hunted by the Allied powers after the war is over.
This would be Gravity 's Rainbow. But be warned, it's not an easy read. It sits on my shelf half finished. Though after that wonderful summary above, maybe I'll start from the beginning and give it another try.
That happened to me. On my second attempt I thoroughly enjoyed it and completed it, moved on to his other books. Mind you I was probably 21 when I first tried.
I was not in the right mindset. I feel his books require all of your attention I was in the mood for something lighter, I'll pick it up again at some point.
Easily the most wonderfully confusing book I've ever read.
nzabran ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 06:51:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pynchon is dense as fuck. He does more with fewer words than anyone since Hemmingway. Giving a contrived emotionally heavy novel to an author who obliterates sentimentality with absurd depth would be an exercise to behold.
I haven't read a single word of Pynchon so I don't know if this applies to him but there are a few hack writers out there that try to pass off obfuscating and convoluted language as deep and meaningful.
No, you're not too smart for your readers you just suck at communicating.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. You know when you're a smartarse 5th year and you think you know it all so you stick the longest words you can find into everything you write just to show your English teacher how much you know? It's like that, only worse because you're old enough to know better.
Or, bear with me here, maybe it could also be interpreted as "I don't know if it truly applies to this specific writer but it's definitely a problem with some writers so it sounds plausible".
Whatever happened to just making conversation with a related comment?
I couldn't know if it is true I admit it is confusing specially when English is not your first language, I know I enjoyed PTA's adaptation of Inherent Vice a lot.
If you go around telling everyone the author is shit every time you don't understand the reading maretial, maybe stick to simpler books. Pynchon is not that hard to understand, and there are plenty of resources to help you if you still don't get what you're reading.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's nothing to understand. It's word salad. It reads like it was written by a stroke victim.
Word salad? Nah, I think it's just much closer to poetry than most lit I've read. Someone compared it to spoken word which I thought was interesting. I just finished GR yesterday and I understood about 30% of it, but I don't think that's because the other 70% was unintelligible gibberish.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:41 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good point actually; maybe it's more readable if you read it aloud.
The Neapolitan sun washes out all colors: the bistro awnings, the pastel of the Vespas wiggling through the crowd, the old men's four-color tabloids. Liz "Coyote" Gilbert is reclining on an iron bistro chair, drooling with hunger. Her unshaded legs are whiter than anything the piazza has seen since the days of the Greeks, their doped-up Oracle's prophecy of an undreamt-of albedo come to fruition in a blinding meter between skirt and sandal.ย
She's jettisoned anything that could keep her from this moment. Husband, family, possessions cast aside in a rush along her inevitable trajectory. But, what's this? Coyote whips up her nose, suddenly alert. The scent of anchovy wafts into the crowd, sending Ms. Gilbert into a feigned swoon.ย
Three waiters approach, struggling to carry the largest pizza Coyote's ever seen. The wrought iron table can barely hold its weight; seagulls start to gather. The pizza is adorned with octopus, sausage of unknown origin, anchovies (some of whom are so fresh they are still struggling against the cheese), mounds of gorgonzola, a thousand-year egg direct from the orient, clams of dubious vintage, and, as a concession to Ms. Gilbert's nationality, great discs of pepperoni exuding grease and gleaming in the sun.ย
The trickle of drool from Coyote's mouth has become a stream. Her legs are trembling and she gazes into the pie with a look uncomfortably like lust. There is no room in her for anything but the approaching communion. She reaches and bends her body towards the pizza and -- whoops! -- tumbles head first into the cheese.ย
She easily pierces through the mozzarella, thick strings trailing from her limbs. Octopuses sink with her into the crimson sauce; reinvigorated anchovies wander about. Panicked, Coyote flails, sinking crustward and inhaling a great gulp of sauce. She's shocked to find that she can breathe. Is this some kind of Pizza-yoga?
Settling on the crust, Coyote spots a huge circle of pepperoni, myriad flecks of fat and spices patterning its face. Crossing her legs, she contemplates each one, losing all thought in the grease and the flesh. The world ceases to be; all becomes Liz. Anchovies, octopuses, and clams gather to witness the consummation of Liz Gilbert's romance with herself.
Just then, the crust starts to rise, a few bits of meat attaching themselves to the tumescence. Are those... legs? A sausage makes its way to the nascent body as Liz starts to eye with naked hunger what's looking more and more like a man. The dough of his body has become well defined bicep and deltoid; there's definitely some transubstantion going on here. Comedite hoc est corpus meum, don't mind if I do.
When the golem is finished, fine mozzarella hair framing his perfect features, Coyote can no longer restrain herself. She embraces him, nibbling at his ears, his throat, his cheek. Sauce racing through his veins, he throws his arms around her as her mouth and teeth explore his body. She shudders as he enters her; biting down on his shoulder, Coyote's never felt so full.ย
She can't stop herself; she devours spiced flesh and crusty bones alike, until with one last kiss her love is a delicious memory. Left in the crust below is a gap through which the sauce is slowly leaking. Freedom! Coyote wiggles her way out into the Naples afternoon, cheesy and sauce-sodden, but serene with satiety.
Bababadalgharaghtak(well and didn't you know the Kenosha kid) amminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntro(those days at Peenemรผnde)varrhounawnskawntoo(seeing Bianca once again and Slothrop just can't-)hoohoordenenthurnuk!
Eat: a journey of one man trying to find a mystical dish whose name begins with a V.
Pray: a journey of one man wishing his predilection for sex and rockets would go away!
Love: I'm not really sure that Pynchon understands love, but...: a woman named Rachel falls in love with her car, but when a fat young guy named Benny shows up, who will she pick? Find out!
spingus ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 07:41:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon
whoa, I had never heard of him before but after visiting his wiki page I feel he is my literary spirit animal and i must go forth and read his novels!
Yes! The shorter books are really cool in their own ways. Also, just keep going. There can be a lot of characters and names, but don't freak out if you don't feel like you're following everything 100%. The Crying of Lot 49 has something like a plot and Vineland has a decent about of 'pop culture' - at some point I started thinking of it as a crazy made-for-TV-special .
(But the long stuff like Gravity's Rainbow? Amazing, but they seriously screw with my head when I read them.)
That's funny, I was immediately thinking that Gravity's Rainbow should have been covered by someone of a supremely different style, like Italo Calvino or Shirley Jackson, or if you wanted it to be distressing and sad a lesser-known author like Lucia Berlin -- you know, someone famous for brevity and sharp editing.
I personally wouldn't want to read Pynchon novels done by anyone else. His style is so intertwined with the substance of his novels that I can't imagine reading it any other way. But Borges doing Pynchon would be pretty great
dvegas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:35:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Borges explicitly said he would never write a long piece of fiction, and didn't understand authors who did
Who says Borges couldn't fit Gravity's Rainbow into ten pages or less?
DrKemer ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:19:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a five-page essay about a writer, Ruggles Pynchon, who has written an excessively long novel about erections, bananas and perverse industrial conglomerates that conspire to keep the world erect and bananas. The essay describes how Ruggles, while having some background in aerodynamics, is separated from the War and V2s by a half-generation, temporally and culturally just slightly out of phase with the surreality he wishes to convey. Thus his novel is more about his murky subconscious, a wild world of Cabaret and erect fruits. It is suggested the subconscious story he drags out of the nethers of his head and puts on graph paper was actually dictated to him as a young boy by a radical young book-publishing genius working for a mysterious subdivision of one of the great publishing houses that did business on both sides of the War.
Travelling down the AH1 towards Calcutta at around a hundred miles per hour, or a hundred and sixty kilometers per hour in this country, is a Chevy Nova littered with scratches from decades of long use by a salesman deceased some few years ago. On the sides of the freeway there were hundreds of worshipers making their annual pilgrimage to the nearby holy site. Around their necks hung strings of a hundred and eight beads, named japa malas.
This particular group of Hindus was lead by a skinny yogi suffering from acute anorexia as much as any religious fervor. From time to time those followers holding the beads and moving their lips in silence would flick to the next one, their eyes stuck in the back of their heads in a bout of religious concentration. This was in 2005, though except for the freeway it could have been a scene from almost any time in the past several thousand years. Travelers from Europe had seen the same scene centuries earlier and had decided to bring the idea of beads all the way back to their homeland, though they called it the rosary.
It needs to alternate between light, readable prose sprinkled with heavy references to some specific area of knowledge (rocket engineering, 1920s culture, the geography of Zurich, etc) and beautiful but dense, challenging prose.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:37:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It also could've introduced at least 40 or so characters in those two paragraphs.
Tesrab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. That's solid. I was just thinking about the scene from V. Where Sketches buddy finds his sister after she gangbanged that gang and he just walks in there and closes the door because you know he's about to kill her.
I am eating of the love pray what is pray prey? no pray that is correct weird how they sound the same but are different but the love tastes good when I eat it is that a butterfly on that cake do they make the cake dirty like a fly does? Anyway, I think I'll ask this of the woman sitting next to me who I think smells like that chemical they added to the hash I had when I was younger and traveling in Amserdam I wonder what that was do you think she knows?
Hemingway covering Paris Hilton's Confession of an Heiress
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2227 points ยท Posted at 01:25:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's my crack at the first few of paragraphs from the first chapter, using the Hemingway App (doesn't edit for you, just makes suggestions about omitting adverbs, passive voice, lengthy sentences, etc.).
Chapter One: How to be an Heiress
A lot of people seem to have the wrong idea about me. In fact, pretty much everything I read about myself is ridiculous. Newspapers write that I'm spoiled. All I do is dance on tabletops and party with my friends. They think I became famous because I was born into a rich, well-known family, and everything has come as such to me. They like to think everything they read about me in the tabloids is true. Well, you can't always believe what you read. I've decided to give you a sneak peek into my life -- so you can know the real me.
I haven't bothered to correct what's written about me. Gossips believe whatever they want anyway. The people I care about know the real me. I'm happy with who I am. What difference does gossip make?
That's the bottom line for me. The printed stuff about me over the last few years is amusing and makes me laugh. I've decided to let the world know: Okay, I get it. Everyone can have fun with my image because I have fun with it too. My friends know I like my lifestyle, but I don't take it -- or my media image -- seriously. I take my family seriously. I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don't take myself seriously.
Silidon ยท 2570 points ยท Posted at 03:00:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two things; one, just realized that Holden Caulfield is just the shitty little love child of Hemingway and Paris Hilton. Two, the sentence "I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously" is phenomenal.
2rio2 ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 05:03:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holden Caulfield is just evidence that every new generation of teenager in the history of mankind has been shitty in the same basic way.
HGF88 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 08:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember in high school they forced us to read Catcher In the Rye and I failed that test because I hated him so much I couldn't even read that book.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would recommend reading it all the way through.
bowazon ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 13:34:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good lord. NO. Holden Caulfield was mentally ill. He went into a tailspin because his brother died. He performed badly in school then his parents sent to horrible boarding schools where bullying was so bad one of his classmates jumped off the dorm and killed himself. His first love was being molested by her stepfather. He didn't trust anyone because he had communication problems, and the one adult he came close to trusting in the book was an old teacher who appeared to make a pass at him. The only advice that anyone would give him was to apply himself, which is sadly the same "get up off the mat" approach that most people think is the solution to depression and mental illness. Saying he was just a privileged teenager who was acting out while ignoring everything else that happened in the book is doing a real injustice to the work.
Dude was institutionalized at the end. He had serious issues with depression, PTSD, and his own adulthood. I'm not about to claim he's some hero, but read to the end before you judge.
just realized that Holden Caulfield is just the shitty little love child of Hemingway and Paris Hilton.
My God...that may be the most perfect way to describe Holden ever. That /r/verysmart outlook on life that comes from having lived so privileged a life that you actually start to believe your own brand of bullshit as being the only "truth," ร la Jaden Smith.
dpmull ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 07:21:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a realization about some such people recently. I have a young coworker who is actually smart, but he is also an r/verysmart type in some views and attitudes he has. The best way I can describe it is that he can truly be funny and quite clever, but he has actually said things like "I just think about these things on a different level than most people are able to." He is from.a wealthy family and made average grades at a top 20 school. He simply thinks he's a genius because he's always been in that bubble and it's been constantly reinforced. Like the stereotype, he can't get a woman to go on more than one or maybe two dates with him, which is telling for a 24 year old with his background and salary (at his age). He's actually pretty handsome when he pays attention to his appearance. But he's just so annoying. The things he complains about are ridiculous. He complains constantly about the extreme pressure he's put under at work. His job is easier than mine, and mine is damn near stress-free. I had to hear the other day about his coffee drink having an "incorrect amount of ice" in it - for 2 hours. The only time I ever shut him down is when he starts to say derogatory things about women.
One day he got a call informing him that his turtle had died, and he was simply apoplectic. He broke a keyboard and I literally had to bear hug him and hold him to get him to stop. He was screaming and sobbing for a while. He was going on so much that others assumed his mom, or maybe his brother, had died.
He just went on and on. I honestly wanted to grab him and scream in his face, "You don't have any real problems or responsibilities; you've never had to deal wih tragedy or real stress. When I was your age I was in Afghanistan jumping out of planes and getting shot at by the fucking Taliban!"
But then it hit me that that turtle dying is the most adversity he's ever known. I would be yelling at someone having the hardest time in his life.
And I thought about how. a couple of weeks back my wife found out that she's pregnant, and I"m so excited I have a hard time maintaining my composure. We're at the point in our lives we agreed we should reach before thinking about children. And I realized that I hope my kid can have such an awesome life that the most tragic event they face in a quarter of a century is a turtle dying.
I felt differently after that. He can still be annoying but honestly it should be our goal as a society and culture to create such a high standard that trivialities are our biggest worries.
jralha ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 08:47:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You did good not throwing it in his face about the turtle.
I don't know how much you care about the guy, don't know if you consider him a friend or if he's just a dude from work, but if you do, I'd try to talk to him in a non confrontational way (hard to do, I know) about it.
Awww... The fact that you're already thinking like this tells me you'll be a good daddy! Just remember it when your toddler is in tantrum mode because the supply cup is the wrong color.
Damn that comment really took a turn there. Thanks for the story.
Congrats on your kid!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:12:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I think you did the right thing by not confronting him about the turtle, but adversity and challenge is part of life. If we're not experiencing that as a society, then we're not pushing hard enough into new territories. Even if one day Earth is a utopia there's still going to be people risking their lives to explore space a la Star Trek. And to bring it back down to your coworker, he may not have experienced real hardship yet, but one day he will. An immediate family member will die or he'll go through a significant breakup. It's part of human existence, no one can avoid it.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:33:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The goal you're talking about there, making life super easy and safe for everyone, is noble. But I think it's misled. Sheltered upbringings create weak people who snap under pressure or stress, and if shit ever goes wrong in that utopia you built for them out of the goodness of your heart, they're fucked. Doubly so since they'll be ripe for being conquered by a less weak and sheltered group that has endured hardship, scarcity, and fear.
I know this gets thrown around on reddit way too much, but that guy really does sound like he's got high-functioning autism. Mostly the adherence to strict ideas about how even minor things "should be", and the extreme, uncontrolled emotion.
I was curious about the original too. It's pretty similar, but the "Hemingway" version is definitely a bit gruffer and more masculine (as intended):
A lot of people seem to have the wrong idea about me. In fact, pretty much everything I read about myself is totally ridiculous. Newspapers and magazines write that I'm spoiled and privileged, and that all I do is dance on tabletops and party with my friends. They think I instantly became famous because I was born into a rich, well-known family, and everything has come so easily to me. They like to think everything they read about me in the tabloids is true. Well, you can't always believe what you read, right? So I've finally decided to give you a sneak peek into my very hyped life โ so you can know the real me.
I haven't bothered to correct what's been written about me so far because, well, gossips believe whatever they want anyway. The people I care about know the real me. If I'm happy with who I am, what difference does it make?
And that's the bottom line for me. While the stuff printed about me over the last few years is amusing and makes me laugh, I've finally decided to let the world know: Okay, I get it. Everyone can have fun with my image because I like to have fun with it too. My friends know that while I like my lifestyle, I don't take it โ or my media image โ all that seriously. I do take my family seriously. I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don't take myself all that seriously.
It was probably just her rambling on about her own image in a smoke-filled room with a writer furiously typing away at the gist, then editing it more later to sound like her.
Paris isn't exactly the way she was on the reality show, anyway. People take entertainment too seriously instead of realizing that it is, in fact, entertainment and not real life.
Isn't it weird to think of Donald Trump as like, your dad's mate. Uncle Donald. Comes over and ruffles your hair, gives you a Cartier necklace or whatever for your birthday, your families vacation in Nice together, flown by private jets. I'm trying to imagine all these glitterati kids' lives and really, it is something completely removed from our realities isn't it
Wow, I must have totally misheard her - i thought she just said "I've known him all my life.", left it at that and then they went on to a different question, sorry!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:43:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That app had a stroke on me
Fu f f fu fu fuck fu ff f fuck y fuck yo fu f f fuck you
Another line said today is bal l to t today is t to bal b the day
5/7 best app ever
People have the wrong idea. Newspapers write that I'm spoiled. They write that I dance on tabletops, party with friends, and became famous because I was born rich. Tabloids aren't true, you can't believe what you read.
Have insight: I can't correct misconceptions believed by gossipers, and the people I care about know me. What difference does gossip make?
My press from the last few years makes me laugh. To the World: I get it. Have fun with my image, I enjoy it too. I take family, my dog, and my work seriously. I don't take my lifestyle or media image seriously.
Edit: by the way, what's the original source quote here?
I like it. Well, except for the last bit of the last paragraph, where you smothered the cadence. I think this works better:
And there's the bottom line. My press over the last few years makes me laugh, To the world: I get it. Have fun with my image, because I do too. I am serious about my family, serious about my dog, and serious about my work. I don't take myself seriously.
No I wanted to know what the actual text is versus the first round of edits, so I could then compare my second round of edits. Someone else posted them, so question answered.
sky_k ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:18:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like, listen, "Old Man" and "Sun Also Rises" are fine
conceptually
But he's not a novelist, he's a journalist - according to himself. That means he doesn't know how to write anything except dry character studies and loose 'realism' plots that are a lot more complex than he presents them to be and, because of that, are completely unimpactful unless you WANT to study them
OK, that's what I thought. I've always preferred his short stories anyway because he knows how to really watch people and convey meaning and detail through small, subtle elements. That doesn't come through so well in a novel - at least, it's not very readable. But I'll defend "Hills Like White Elephants" to...hmm, maybe not the death, but you get my point.
As for how writers define themselves - he called himself a journalist because for some time, that was what he did to pay the bills. Sure, his training was as a journalist, but it's not an RPG where choosing one character class precludes all others.
Never heard of it, will read it, but I doubt he's going to join the legion of 'great English writers' anytime soon except in the eyes of high-school lit teachers
edit: read it, absolute fucking garbage. "revolutionary" my shapely ass
Uh..I don't know how to break it to you, but he's a fixture in English and literature classes even at graduate level, and this shows no signs of changing anytime soon. Plenty of serious academics consider him to be one of the foundational writers of modern American literature. You can't bump someone out of the canon because their writing style doesn't do it for you. Like him or no, he's historically and culturally significant.
You keep acting like "good" writing is an objective category; it's really not.
What the fuck are you talking about? You're bandying around bullshit terminology and loose strawman arguments like you really, really wanna disagree with me, you fuckin contrarian
I don't care whether he's in the canon, he fucking sucks
I don't care how many serious academics consider him to be a 'foundational' writer of modern American literature, he fucking sucks, and more importantly, those same people will easily admit his writing itself isn't that good, because he sucks
When the fuck did I say 'bump him out of the canon?' I thought you were a reader. Try reading.
His writing style doesn't just 'not do it for me.' It's genuinely bad. It completely lacks anything that makes writing good, and the 'iceberg theory' is bullshit. It was an EXPERIMENT. MODERNISM. Dumbshit.
Yeah, he's historically and culturally significant. And now he's dead, everything he did is completely pointless and worthless, he never said anything important, and we only read him for the same reason we read Benjamin Franklin - historical and cultural purposes.
Ben Franklin, to put it bluntly, was a better writer
bonus: "wah wah wah muh subjectivism I can like shitty things all I want because good isn't real"
Your opinions are not fact! Your arbitrary and frankly bizarre hate of one specific writer changes nothing. Why you're so upset about my defending him, I can't understand, but this is some serious r/badliterarystudies gold, which is much appreciated. The bit about how his being dead automatically renders him insignificant is a particular high point.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, posting a thread I've been participating in is not exactly kosher, so...no?
Dude, chill, maybe take a nap or something. You're taking this way too seriously. Personal insults are unnecessary - I think I've been pretty civil here, moreso than you really warrant at this point
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo, ask anyone who loves literature whether Hemingway is a good writer
He's a good author in that his plots are intricate and layered with incredibly intelligent meaning, but he is one of the worst writers I have ever had the displeasure of reading
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:05:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a moment I forgot about my comment and thought someone was just randomly sending me softcore erotica.
Atimo3 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:28:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about, and as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused. "Go on", Rebecca said softly, "Touch me." Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips... It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves tall and mighty all around her, with...
I mean, I like Hemingway, but it's pretty telling that the only time he wrote a halfway decent female character (Lady Brett Ashley <3) was when he wrote a woman whose behavior is somewhat masculine (compared to his other characters) and in a novel where the main character is impotent. Think about it.
Bit of historical trivia: The woman seated next to Hemingway in this picture is Mary Duff Stirling, Lady Twysden, better known as the real-life inspiration for Brett.
I find "strong female character" to be a bit of an overused phrase, but I like that the novel concludes with a friendly relationship between equals, and I think that was pretty significant for the time.
Hills is such a great story for teaching you how to write, too. So many people start out thinking they need all this extraneous detail, and here's Hemingway stripping it all out.
Eh A Dolls House was written what 40 years beforehand? The main character looking at a broken traffic cone (who doesn't love a good phallus joke?) even at the end I think shows that in his eyes, sex is one of the most, if not only, important things to have with a woman.
And it doesn't seem (in my very admittedly poor remembering of the book) that her relationship with the Spanish bullfighter does much to elevate her position above (and excuse my language) cum dumpster.
I don't personally write but I could imagine Hills being a perfect example of good writing for someone who does.
I read Sun in a class focusing on the evolution of gender dynamics in American literature, which changed my view of it quite a bit. Earlier American literature basically offered two roles for women: saintly virgin (then wife and mother) or fallen whore. No room for nuance when you've got moralizing to do! Writers like Hawthorne started complicating this by encouraging sympathy for a character who readers would've seen as "fallen," but I do find it significant that Brett is a character who makes her own (bad) decisions without being immediately and eternally condemned for them. Look at earlier stuff - Stephen Crane's Maggie, A Girl of the Streets, Edith Wharton's House of Mirth - and you can see that women rarely survive bad relationship choices. Even the most progressive works like Theodore Dreiser's Sister Carrie leave their female protagonists in a state of flux. I give Hemingway a lot of credit (possibly too much, tbh) for not offing her.
Comments like yours are the reason I love Reddit.
Upvoted, saved and thank you. You changed my view.
Speaking of Edith, I mean even Ethan Frome got destroyed for bad decisions. And he's a man! I suppose I was simply having a difficult time not projecting my 21st century expectations onto 20th century viewpoints.
Damn. Thank you, that's the nicest thing I've heard all day :) I guess my literature degree is good for something, haha! It's been lovely talking with you.
When your cat tells you to go to sleep, you listen.
onemm ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disaster?! Chill. He's one of the greatest writers of all time.
What about Maria and Pilar from For Whom the Bell Tolls? You have to admit that Pilar at the very least was a great female character written by Hemingway.
pfohl ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always use For Whom The Bell Tolls as example of how bad he was with female characters. The only two women exist to cook. The younger is bland and seems to just be an object for the protagonist. The older complains.
onemm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:57:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only two women exist to cook. The younger is bland and seems to just be an object for the protagonist. The older complains.
The thing Hemingway probably is most famous for is his 'iceberg theory'; a style of writing where a majority of the stuff isn't talked about and the underlying themes are 'under the surface' the same way a large part of icebergs are under the water. That goes for both male and female characters.
I'd agree with you that Maria can be a bit bland at times. She was the romantic interest of the main character but she wasn't just 'an object'. They were in love, homes. She was the youngest character, so she was naive despite what she went through and came off as childish because she was basically a child. I believe she was only 17(?) when the war starts and so she's written as a young girl who doesn't quite understand what's going on. Her parents are killed in front of her and she's raped by multiple enemy soldiers despite not being personally affiliated with any political party. She's got PTSD and she's a bit of a dreamer later on. The moment where she's comforting Joaquin when he starts to openly sob about his family all dying is probably the most touching scene in the book.
Pilar is the leader of a guerilla unit. She's one of the most badass characters in a book full of badass characters. I wouldn't say she complains, I'd say she puts people in their place. She can overdo it but I think that happened once and she apologized afterwards. There's too much to say about the character of Pilar and I feel like if you read the book and still didn't appreciate her as a character, then there's nothing I can say to convince you.
Sorry if this rant came off as aggressive, it's just that it's probably my favorite book of all time and I don't think it deserves the criticism you're giving it. But.. to each their own. There's plenty of popular books/movies/TV shows that I don't like either
I haven't read For Whom The Bell Tolls in ages, might be time to revisit. The last Hemingway novel I read was A Farewell to Arms, and I found Catherine to be a less than convincing character. As I've said elsewhere - don't get me wrong, I like his writing. I just think that he (much like many of his contemporaries) couldn't write a female POV to save his life. Emphasis on point of view.
If I want terse sentences, brutal narratives, and interesting women, I'd rather read James Tiptree, who's basically the female version of Hemingway anyway.
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last Hemingway novel I read was A Farewell to Arms, and I found Catherine to be a less than convincing character.
Completely agree. To be fair, that book was based on his brief romance with a real nurse from his time in WWI who ended up ignoring him/his letters when he moved back to the States after the war and he was pretty bitter about it. I will not deny that the dude was a sexist/racist/all around douche if we're comparing him to modern standards. I could say that he was 'a product of his time' but that always seemed like a bullshit excuse to me. He's undeniably a great writer though (in my and many other's opinions).
I'd definitely recommend giving For Whom the Bell Tolls another shot. Not sure how much you remember but Pilar is the basically the acting commander of a guerilla group and she's definitely got some 'masculine traits'; much more so than Brett Ashley. But she's a powerful woman and to be in that position at that time you probably had to be like that. Although.. she never once came across as 'masculine' or 'manly' to me, but I'm a guy so maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I'll definitely give Tiprtee a read. Any suggestions for where to start?
I appreciate that you're not going for the usual copout of "product of his time." It's certainly a factor in his writing, but I find it a bit insulting towards writers to imply that they can't help what they write.
All right, I'm sold. Adding it to my summer reading list.
All of Tiptree's best works are short stories. I'd recommend "The Screwfly Solution" for something genuinely horrifying, "The Last Flight of Dr. Ain" for weird eco-mystery, or "The Girl Who Was Plugged In" for awesome proto-cyberpunk.
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:44:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All right, I'm sold. Adding it to my summer reading list.
Awesome. Do me a huge favor though and just remember to keep an open mind. As you said, "product of his time" is cliche and a copout but there's a sliver of truth to it. Just look at Shakespeare who many literature experts consider to be the greatest writer of all time. He wrote "The Taming of the Shrew" which according to wikipedia:
The main plot depicts the courtship of Petruchio and Katherina, the headstrong, obdurate shrew. Initially, Katherina is an unwilling participant in the relationship; however, Petruchio "tames" her with various psychological torments, such as keeping her from eating and drinking, until she becomes a desirable, compliant, and obedient bride.
Imagine someone writing that today? I know it's a copout but it really was a different era. If you're gonna give it another chance, you might as well enjoy it. And the only way you're going to enjoy it is if you can ignore blatantly offensive stuff that probably wasn't offensive back then. Sorry for the rant.
I'd recommend "The Screwfly Solution" for something genuinely horrifying, "The Last Flight of Dr. Ain" for weird eco-mystery, or "The Girl Who Was Plugged In"
I just put them on my list, thanks for the recommendations. Even though For Whom the Bell Tolls is probably my favorite book of all time, I'd love to hear any other suggestions for female authors if you have them. Two of my top 5 favorite books were written by women and I probably don't read enough of them.
I'm a literature grad student, if I didn't keep context in mind they'd boot me out :) Don't apologize for the rant, that's the sort of thing that I wish was pinned on r/literature. Context matters! Someday I'm gonna organize the world's lamest protest and walk around waving a little sign that says "No text without context."
I love that you're asking this question, always makes me happy to shill recommend some of my favorite writers. Can't go wrong with Margaret Atwood or Ursula Le Guin, they're two writers I will always recommend. As for others...hmm, depends on what you're interested in. I tend to read a lot of sf so many of my favorites fall in that area - Octavia Butler, C.L. Moore, Joanna Russ, and Sheri S. Tepper in particular. Among classic writers, Edith Wharton, Willa Cather, and Charlotte Perkins Gilman. In contemporary fiction, Toni Morrison, Joyce Carol Oates, and Maxine Hong Kingston. Honestly this is something I could go on about at length, but I'll stop here before I accidentally write an essay.
onemm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:59 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a literature grad student,
Well now I feel like a fucking idiot bringing up "literary experts" and Shakespeare. I have very little formal education in literature. I took two American Lit classes and a World Lit class in college but that's really it. Most of the stuff I act like I know comes from being a voracious reader my whole life, so I apologize if I came off like a know-it-all considering how much more qualified you are to speak on these things..
a little sign that says "No text without context."
Lol that's great
Can't go wrong with Margaret Atwood...
I actually bought The Handmaid's Tale about a year ago but still haven't gotten to it yet (for every book I read, two more seem to be added to my list). I'll definitely move it up on my list. Also, while I'm not a huge sci-fi fan (as in, I don't go out of my way to read sci-fi but also don't avoid it), I read every genre as long as the books are good. Again, thanks for the recommendations
BRG820 ยท 2316 points ยท Posted at 01:46:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. "Piggy lobs a frag grenade into the hut and runs off. As he hears the explosion, Jack appears before him and says 'Thanks' and tosses Piggy his glasses, and that's when he knew he fragged Ralph's hut."
Piggy firmly tugged on the ring of the M67 fragmentation grenade. Replacing the M26 used in the Korean War and the outset of combat in Vietnam, the M67 contains nearly a half pound of Composition B. The detonation velocity of over 8,000 meters per second coupled with the razor sharp shrapnel ranging in size from grains of rice to fingernail makes it an entirely lethal weapon in the hands of anyone who can hurl it.
Having already removed the spoon safety during his pre-mission preparation, he released his grip on the spoon to hear an all familiar "ting". The grenade was live. He had roughly 4 seconds before detonation. He tossed it underhand into the darkened hut. There was no "cooking off", popularized by movies, tv, and video games. Like silent "thwips" of suppressors and the constant re-racking of bolts, Hollywood needed to dramatize the mundane action of prepping a grenade. As if the violent twisted metal flakes perforating anyone within 30 meters of the blast area wasn't dramatic enough. Piggy hadn't the luxury to continue to dwell on it. He knelt down behind the makeshift cover of the stone pile until he heard the familiar thud of the lethal explosion. There was no fireball. Another Hollywood trope he failed to comprehend. Only smoke and the acrid smell of detonation.
Ralph lay in a pool of ever expanding blood. He clutched his throat as blood pulsed from a severed artery. His eyes were closed and a small section of his ear hung on by a single flap of skin. Piggy walked to him to see him writhe in agony.
"It won't be long now" he muttered to him self. "Die with some dignity."
Ralph's convulsions slowed as his grip on his neck weakened. Piggy took a step back to avoid the blood annexing the dirty planked floor. He never liked watching people die, but after the situation in Tunisia and the jumblefucked Operation Mantis Topaz, he was going to verify every kill.
Norwegr ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 08:48:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess I should read some Tom Clancy, that was a delight to read.
lshiva ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 09:33:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stick to the stuff he actually wrote. After a while he got famous enough that he began "collaborating" with other authors. They write the books, using his characters and world building, and Clancy puts his name in big letters on the front of the book. The quality suffered immensely. Try Red Storm Rising to start. It's a stand alone work about war between NATO and the USSR set mostly in the north Atlantic and Europe.
Seconded for Red Storm Rising. It's his second book after Hunt for Red October. I don't think he'd really planned on making Jack Ryan a franchise at the time. I think he was just writing books.
Anyway, Red Storm Rising is a fantastic look at what modern day WWIII would look like using conventional Cold War weapons.
I read this when I was in the Navy. No spoilers, but IIRC, the ship I was on was in the book at one point.
Red Storm Rising was fantastic. To add to what u/TheDudeNeverBowls said, I'd recommend reading everything in the Jack Ryan series written between The Hunt For Red October and the Bear and the Dragon (can't remember how Teeth of the Tiger was tbh). Everything after that isn't as well liked.
Oh, and Rainbow Six is one of my all-time favorites, that's technically a spinoff of the series. You can probably read that without having read the rest of the series, but there'll be some familiar characters if you have.
Source: Really good books ร Clancy's wordiness = like a million AR points back in middle school.
Haha yeah, it's a nationwide thing but not every school district does it. There's no way one school could write millions of questions for thousands of books
I thought I remembered reading somewhere that RSR was actually the first book he wrote, but HFRO was the first one he sold, and since that became a mega-hit, he was able to get RSR published.
They write the books, using his characters and world building, and Clancy puts his name in big letters on the front of the book
"The Patterson Jackpot" by Tom Clancy and James Patterson
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red Storm Rising was actually a collaboration as well, with Larry Bond, an ex-naval officer and the developer of the Harpoon military gaming system. The book stands up, even today, if read as the story of an alternate history third world war. I have to say that I liked Larry Bond's books a lot more than Clancy's novels, and I feel that Larry Bond's contribution to Red Storm Rising made it the novel it is.
After Red Storm Rising. Patriot Games followed by No Remorse. Then any order you wish, but you kind of need Clark to be a mysterious figure in Patriot Games.
Operation Mantis Topaz. All the pointless detail and nonsense code names and "You think this is what an explosion is, but let me educate you on the reality". Fucking spot-on Clancy.
"Piggy lobs an M67 fragmentation grenade loaded with 0.4 pounds of high explosive Composition B into the hut and runs off. As he hears the explosion touched off by the M67's 4-second pyrotechnic delay fuze, Jack Ryan Shadow Agent appears before him..."
BRG820 ยท 112 points ยท Posted at 03:19:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right. I will do better next time.
Sbf347 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:45:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also missing the word Niggardly. The only time I have ever heard or read that word used is in Tom Clancy books.
Also needs to mention how extravagantly amazing and totally awesome Jack Ryan is. "Jack Ryan Shadow Agent appears before him...Piggy already knows Jack by reputation. Jack is fluent in seven languages, is a master marksman, double-black belt in ten martial arts, and is also an accomplished sous-chef at a local five-star restaurant. Jack begins hacking into the mainframe using a special coding language he wrote himself..."
Dude in the early books the thing that made jack appealing is that he was just your average, patriotic American citizen. I mean yeah he was smart, had money, and was basically the personification of the American Dream, but he felt real in a very relatable way.
It lasted until he became president, I think.
Even then Executive Orders and Bear and the Dragon did a good job of "He's an average bloke in the top job, trying his best."
It's the ones about his son that are truly awful, though, imo.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, as far as I am concerned, The Bear and the Dragon was the last Tom Clancy book.
Shying away from the Everyman is part of what made the Affleck and Pine outings as Jack Ryan so blah. Harrison and Baldwin played green desk jockies and middle aged/injured/professor/analysts, Affleck and Pime seemed to be Have the latent abilities of Jason Bourne, Pine especially.
Yeah that's pretty much my sentiment as well. I totally agree with you though on how he really did not want to be president and felt totally underqualified in the position, but stepped up and did his best.
Jack wasn't the vaunted badass of the novels (he did do so heroic shit but that wasn't really his focus) the one more suited to your comparison would be John Clark.
It has to be more than just technical details. It needs to be impossible. I remember in the first Rainbow Six novel, the sniper shoots at the wheel of a Jeep. The bullet is somehow able to ricochet off the wheel well and subsequently penetrate an engine block.
I could be wrong, but I'm almost positive that doesn't happen in Rainbow Six.
Edit: Okay I searched for it and found what you were talking about.
The heavy bullet ripped through the fender as though it were a sheet of newspaper, then slammed into the iron block of the engine. It penetrated one cylinder, causing the Piston to jam...
So yeah. I don't think that's too unrealistic for a .50 Cal.
More like eco-terrorists, they bio engineer Ebola so the organism isn't so fragile and can exist for prolonged periods outside of a host. They try to kill everyone on the planet with it (except for their chosen few) and "reset" the world.
It's been a long time since I've read it, but it's something along the lines of they genetically engineer ebola to be able to be spread by air (after a failed ebola attack by someone else in the previous book, iirc) in an attempt to get rid of a ton of people, letting the environment thrive.
Its the pointless technical details I appreciate, in books.
I like to google them to get an exact picture in my head and the more detailed, the better IMO
Googled Mark Greaney and got: Mark Greaney is an American novelist, best known as Tom Clancy's collaborator on his final three books, and for continuing the Jack Ryan character and "Tom Clancy Universe" following Clancy's death from 2013 to 2016. Wikipedia
Much in the same way that there will be loads of James Patterson books long after he's gone, Tom Clancy has already pushed most of the hard work of the writing onto Mark Greaney. I'm still going to follow the Jack Ryan series because I like the characters and the way Mark has taken everything so far.
I think with the "Tom Clancy's" brand it has pretty much become Tom Clancy approving or coming up with ideas and then sending a studio off to work on it and probably approving the final project and helping approve the development.
It sucks that Tom is gone but at least we'll have droves of his style of plots and such for years to come.
You forgot the type of grenade, model, and country of origin, plus the building material of the hut, plus a description of what the grenade will do to various materials and the human body, citing at least one time that the grenade has been used before in combat and recounting the events of aforementioned previous use, then having Piggy captured and tortured, again with gruesome detail, before Jack arrives, kills everyone who isn't Piggy in the room, frees Piggy and talks Piggy into answering some questions as they run, then shoots Piggy in the back and dumps his body onto the rocks below.
Straker Barlow is such a stone cold badass in that book. When the priest tries to get at him with his holy symbol and he's just like...nah, bruh, you ain't hard. and the light just dies down and withers away and the priest gets eaten
Oh shit, he does?? I always wondered what happened to him. I've read a number of Stephen King books, but can't recall that character showing up again. Do you know of any offhand?
One does not simply dive in to the Dark Tower. But in all seriousness, it's an awesome series, just don't expect Father Callahan right away, it's like book 5 before he shows up.
On the plus side, if you feel like you could use some more social interaction, reading fiction will actually make things a bit easier as it can actually improve your social skills since the different POV trains your empathy and perception.
You're welcome :) I see - glad to hear that.
And it's not like you're obliged to meet a certain ratio of social interaction, let alone keep up a minimum of acquantances. The most lonely people are usually those with several hundreds of facebook 'friends', but none of them being close and truly personal.
And i feel the need to warn yku that i tried seven times to get past the first book. As a stephen king fan- read all more than once and own the collection)it was very difficult ... however, once I made it through the first one- it was so worth it. First is very different than most if his writing - hang on through it.. it's great backstory for a phenomenal series.
Do it as fast as you can and prep for what is making out to be the best damn Stephen King film series/tv series. I have heard literally nothing but good things out of insiders on the in-progress Dark Tower film/tv show.
The Little Sisters of Eluria (short story), Everything's Eventual (short story), The Talisman (novel), The Eyes of the Dragon (novel), Black House (novel), Hearts in Atlantis (novel). All are major DT tie-ins that give you an idea of what Roland's world and the people working against him are like. 'Salem's Lot (novel) is also a necessity, as it introduces an integral DT character.
IT is a good one and ties into DT. I also suggest The Shining, Doctor Sleep, Insomnia, The Mist, The Stand, and 11/22/63, if you're looking to give yourself a solid Stephen King background that will ease you into the 8 book magnum opus that is The Dark Tower.
Wait what have you heard? I thought latest news was that the show is up in the air right now (will depend on how well the movie does) and the movie is out in 3 months with the first trailer only just having been rated. I know I sound pessimistic but it's not a great set of news.
Barlow didn't eat him. He forced Callahan to drink his blood instead in order to taint him which caused his church to reject him. His story after that was revealed in Wolves of the Calla (Dark Tower) and it's an extensive one to say the least.
One thing I loved in particular was how "realistic" the book is. Many horror novels fall short when the supernatural is introduced too easily, too comfortably. If you want an example of how it's done wrong, read over some stories on /r/nosleep that jump straight into monsters and demons terrorizing the characters.
Salem's Lot takes its time, it eases you into the narrative world in a way that makes you truly concerned for your own safety because the story feels like it's happening in the real world. There's no need for you to suspend your disbelief because the characters themselves transition from skepticism to belief so organically that you can't help but be pulled along with them.
Of course, tastes vary and I'm sure someone will comment below about how the book is trash, but I recommend it 100%.
I think that's true of Stephen King novels in general. The supernatural is introduced in such a way that it feels like it is happening to real people, in the real world. That's why his books get to so many people.
Bag of Bones was actually the last King book I read. I think he deliberately tried to write in a different style with that book, didn't he? It definitely felt different than his other books. His most disappointing for me, by far, was Lisey's Story.
The first half is very slow and all just introducing characters and a little vamp stuff. The second half is using what you learned in the first half to create some amazing horror.
False_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sold.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Salems Lot and Twilight came out, I was heck yea more vampires. Was very disappointed. On the bright side I had a MILF lend me all her Sookie Stackhouse novels, wounded if that was some kind of hint.
Man, my wife and I love King. Even have a whole bookcase for just him. We have almost every book in hardback, but holy crap do I hate Salem's Lot. I know he went through a period he doesn't remember, but this book is like it was written by someone completely different. So slow and boring, I have yet to finish it.
The pacing isn't for everyone, especially if you enjoy faster paced books or horror that "jumps in" faster.
If you've gotten through the first escape sceneSPOILER and you still don't like the book, I'd say it's not the book for you. If you haven't, please give it a chance. It's a really interesting book.
[deleted] ยท 978 points ยท Posted at 02:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is what the story should have been. It has all the potential to be really dark and gritty, but it decided to focus on a love triangle instead of the interesting stuff.
Sure. But then it wouldn't have made a billion dollars with teenage girls and bored wistful mothers. I think you mean that's what you'd like the story to have been. Should is kind of a weird word in the context.
Why didn't a series aimed at teenage girls cater to ME!
Edit: Seriously though, most writers write with a certain demographic in mind. Not everything is for the college age redditor and there's nothing wrong with that.
The answer to pretty much every issue with Twilight. I mean, I don't care for it at all but it's not for me and is not an existential threat to me or my loved ones, and it's not funny anymore to pretend like it is.
Twilight bashing is such a low effort stawman that I have never met a Twilight fan half as obnoxious as the average hater.
I was a teenage girl when that series started. It did not appeal to me. I had to be forced to pick it back up and finish the first book. Though, I did read them all so I would have a basis for my dislike. I dislike when people say "I hate X" then go on to tell you they haven't read X because it looks stupid.
gnbman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:26:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a difference between suiting a certain demographic and being objectively low-quality.
True, but I think that a love triangle involving a vampire and a werewolf should still be well written. Like, you can go after your demographics while still having some semblance of effort.
It's written fine. I read all of them a decade ago when I was in high school and I actually enjoyed them. Really easy to follow, pretty much read them cover to cover in one sitting. I've read a bunch of young adult novels and the Twilight series is middle of the pack in terms of writing.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:38:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
after some of the YA I've read with similar themes of paranormal romance and/or love triangles (Infernal Devices and the Gemma Doyle cycle come to mind), I'd put Twilight on the lower end of middle-of-the-pack. I really liked the first two books when I read them, but after reading other YA paranormal romance I realized that they weren't really anything special. For me, middle-of-the-pack would be something like The Hunger Games or The Mortal Instruments - entertaining, readable, but not mind-blowing the way the other two trilogies I mentioned were.
then again, I have an established "thing" for Victorian London and steampunk, so that might be part of the deal.
The Mortal Instruments and Twilight are on the same level in my opinion. Both being a bit above The Maze Runner and Hunger Games series. Both of those have the same structure for me, first book was pretty good, second book is good, last book it all went to shit.
Exactly. Teenage girls want to fantasize about the hot boy who gets how wonderful she is, and for hot boys to fight over her. Meyer will never win a Pulitzer, but she accomplished her goal and made an ungodly amount of money doing so.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:52:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I can't imagine the books were even a cash grab. Meyer had a story she wanted to tell. No one writes books to get rich.
(if you don't get the reference Google the phrase, you're in for a treat)
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:27:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The problem with Twilight isn't that it speaks to teenage girls but rather that it forces its message with wooden caricatures, loose plot structure, and worst of all, bad grammar and style.
It's great that she made money based off a book that she probably didn't mean to be popular. I hold nothing against Stephanie Meyer, besides personally thinking she's just a bad author. What I do get annoyed by is that it feels like people are excusing the book's flaws and fawning over the "romantic" characters and "engaging" plot. There are some real issues with Twilight that boil down to basic misuse of the English language, and still it somehow managed to impress a huge portion of the teenage girl audience.
Aww shit, here we go again. If the target audience wants to read it, talks like the characters talk (or understands it) and finds it worthy then congratulations.
Aeikon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is true. She originally wrote it in her diary, in bits and peaces, a personal fairy tell she can go back to when she wants. A nosy friend read it and told her to complete and publish it.
I dunno...I think you can still feasibly fit a love triangle into an urban pseudo-fantasy setting and not have it drain everything else. Just...make it a natural extension of the characters.
That's the key. The characters should have a romance, not the romance some characters
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:32:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. Twilight is not subtle in the least and if a book was like a movie it would have the equivalent of subtitles on the screen the entire time saying "THIS IS A LOVE STORY. BELLA IS SUCH A LONER. EDWARD IS SO COOL."
All of the characters have informed characteristics and the romance is so forced (and don't even get me started on the Jacob vs Edward thing). Subtlety is all I ask for. It shouldn't feel like I'm reading a $.99 clearance bin pulp romance novel.
I guess what I'm saying is there just wasn't anything revolutionary about Twilight. It was written with the same grace and polish as any random, generic romance novel kept in boxes locked away in the bookstore's storeroom. Yet somehow it stood out and why that was, I simply cannot explain.
A lot of people don't care for subtlety in books like that. Sometimes people just want a story they can pick up, read through in a sitting, immerse themselves in some fantasy world, and not feel like they've missed something at the end. Twilight is just an easy read with a decent story.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not saying the meaning has to be hidden behind a ton of text and obscure references. I just mean that the book goes THIS IS A ROMANCE THIS IS A ROMANCE BELLA IS SO GREAT LOOK AT HER.
Like, OK, if you don't want to use subtlety as a word to describe what I'm looking for, maybe tact? Wit? Something that isn't so blatantly obvious.
THIS IS A ROMANCE THIS IS A ROMANCE BELLA IS SO GREAT LOOK AT HER.
The main point of the story is the romance, and as someone who read all the books, in my opinion it isn't overly forceful with that romance as a lot of people are making it seem. I don't know, I liked it.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:40:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Rokusi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:34:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should check out Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. There's even literal throat-ripping.
...Hm, but at the same time the vampires do also sparkle at times. Eeeevil sparkling, but sparkling nonetheless.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:49:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely one for Japan. Watching it, you'll see a lot of anime cliches and tropes in much the same way Seinfeld is full of things you've seen a million times in other sitcoms. Because both invented these tropes.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if the market is even there for classic, monstrous vampires anymore.
There's always a market for any idea, just so long as it's not forced and cliche. I'm pretty sure you could market an engaging vampire thriller in some way.
There was a fanfic (I know, I know) a few years ago, called "Luminosity" that did a decent job of removing a lot of the stupid from Twilight. They added a few characters, mostly later on, that had some different special abilities, but the only major change was that Bella was no longer stupid.
If you've nothing better to do, it's an interesting read.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. Right. For what it was meant to be, it hit the mark - I think the trouble I have with it (and why I thought "should") is that it's set in a naturally dark and gritty universe. It's just hard to open up a world with warring monsters, violence, and death, and end up glossing over a lot of that for the sake of a fluffy romance. But that's the case with a lot of YA fiction, which I know has to be that way in order to appeal to younger readers looking for darker themes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every part of life revolves around just making life really difficult for teenage girls. Even stuff for them just leaves them with terrible expectations.
but it decided to focus on a love triangle instead of the interesting stuff.
To be fair, vampire mythology has been done to death in many other series. The idea that a teenage girl would care more about her love life in the midst of a great inter-species conflict is a fun idea, I just think it was executed in the most shallow and boring way possible.
Same thing with the sparkly skin. The idea that vampires avoid sunlight for some reason other than it hurts them is a pretty cool idea. I wouldn't have gone with glittering diamond skin, but it's still a fun thought. Every other story I've read either has vampires hurt by the sun, or it doesn't affect them at all.
The premise -and even the worldbuilding- had so much potential, but it wasn't very well executed in the end.
As a 25 year old dude who's embarrassed to admit I kind of enjoyed aspects of Twilight - both books and films - I'm glad you mentioned the world building. Say what you will about Meyer's writing. The dialogue isn't great, the plot elements aren't great, etc etc. But one thing she nailed was building the world Bella lived in - a small town in the Pacific Northwest. She did a good job making you feel like you were in Forks, I think. I really loved the setting.
Haha, same thing here, buddy. 25 dude that only praises it on the internet.
easy506 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:09:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
33 year old male that read the series but refuses to admit it to people in person...
I like the world building and backstory, and it definitely was a "page turner". My issue with the story was 1. The vampires needed tweeking, 2. I wanted Bella rewritten as a stronger character.
There are some aesthetic changes I would have made to the vampires, notably the sparkling thing. I am not adverse to vampires walking in sunlight, but I feel like a better explanation was needed.
Bella is sort of infuriating. She is honestly a sort of dangerous role model for young girls and the overall plot teaches a dangerous lesson: Your first love is the only one that will ever matter. If it doesn't pan out, don't try to get over it, just shut down your entire life until the situation works itself out because nothing else in your existence will ever matter. Also, friendzoning some poor sap will help you through the lean times.
Her lack of free will bugged the piss out of me too, given that Edward was such a control freak. There were several instances where Bella really needed to dig in and put her foot down but she always ended up doing what he wanted cuz his eyes were smoldering or whatever the fuck. This is also not a cool thing to teach a 14 year old in the throes of puberty's hormone binge.
My only other gripes are small ones. Jacob's story resolved a little too perfectly (infant girlfriend weirdness aside). And not resolving the thing with the Volturi in any kind of satisfying way was really annoying too. The full-on Vampire Braveheart shit from the movie should have been the ending.
Alright, all done emasculating myself. Gonna blast heavy metal and drive to work really aggressively now.
24 year old male here that read and enjoyed them as well, the only person that knows I've read them is my high school librarian.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with you about that. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and there's something a little magical about the opening to the series. I'm not a fan of the series itself, but I have gone back to re-read the first bit of book one, because I like that she can take me home in a way.
So thank you for pointing that out. Despite what I said above, I agree that there are good things going on (and I should have been more careful with my wording - she wrote for a different demographic, and she made that work) I just wish the rest of it could have risen to the occasion a bit.
If I remember right, Stephanie Meyer got the idea for Twilight from a dream she had where a vampire was telling a woman how hard it was to love her so much when he felt constantly compelled to drink her blood.
The tortured-vampire-love-story idea and related concepts have totally been done before, notably by Buffy. However I think this core idea of a man fighting his inner urges for the sake of a woman he loves is compelling enough and was at the core of enough of Twilight that this accessible incarnation really spoke to "the masses."
This is especially true for teenage girls who, consciously or not, I think recognize the metaphor where it comes to male figures in their lives. Men can offer comforting protection, but their relative strength and power is also frightening. Men's sexuality can offer romance and exciting expressions of love, but it also lies behind the underlying ever-present threat of sexual assault that pubescent girls are only just beginning to be aware of. Louis C.K. puts it well.
So while Twilight might not be "good" in a literary sense (I haven't read it and don't intend to), it definitely provoked something in the public consciousness in a way that most authors and artists only dream of doing.
Yes... but it's also soft core romanterotica for teenage girls - it evokes that aching teen longing for love, approval, touch so well and stirs the same feelings in its most ardent fans.
Ok, at one point, Edward is holding Bella in a tent to keep her warm and then Jacob comes in and has to take off his shirt bc duh werewolves are like walking space heaters. So here's Bella, sandwiched btw two guys who want to do her and be her boyfriend forever and save her from the vamps trying to kill her.
Srsly.
I don't think it hasn't much to do with men being scary, though there are "dangerous" men in the book. It sells the fantasy of a White Knight who will save you, love you, watch over you, and want to do you but will restrain himself in order to marry you. He also stays young forever and has superpowers, both of which he will grant you. Hell, Jacob basically devotes himself to Bella's daughter as soon as he sees her after she's born. That girl will never have a shitty date in her life.
I think its message is a little sketchy bc its unrealistic to think that kind of devotion is real or even healthy (get your milady's outta here!) and I had to comment bc I'd hate to see Twilight get more credit than it deserves. What it tells young women is that a man who feels really intensely towards you - even in an unhealthy way - is probably just really into you and wants to be with you forever and you can totally trust him bc all your dreams will come true.
Honestly most of the supporting characters are at least a little interesting, Meyer just picked the three boringest people in the book to be the main characters.
Bella is specifically written as an audience surrogate - a protagonist not given many personal traits except vague and/or common ones to their demographic group (eg a teenager who feels unattractive for no particular reason) in order for the intended audience to relate to the character by filling in the gaps with their own traits and experiences. This makes Bella come across as generic and boring to many people, especially people outside Twilight's intended audience, but also is one of the reasons why the series was so popular with the intended audience (teenage girls).
Except without the romance stuff, the rest of the story is either generic vampire crap or absurdly outside the scope of what a vampire story should be.
The werewolves having a telepathic chatroom was kinda neat, and it made sense given that wolves are all about the pack, but other than that I can't think of anything about the supernatural parts of those books that was actually interesting.
Why are the vampires basically fucking X-Men? Each one has their own unique super power to the point there's one at the end that's literally bending elements like the god damn Avatar.
They're already immortal, nigh indestructible, super fast, super strong, ludicrously heightened senses, what the hell else do you need to be able to kill your human prey??
Why are the vampires basically fucking X-Men? Each one has their own unique super power to the point there's one at the end that's literally bending elements like the god damn Avatar.
That's actually not correct. Some vampires have special unique powers, but most don't. Bella just happens to get involved with a 'family' (the Cullens are not biologically related) where two of the members have special abilities, and events lead her to meet the Volturi, the unofficial rulers of the vampire world who choose vampires with special abilites to join their ranks.
Why are the vampires basically fucking X-Men? Each one has their own unique super power to the point there's one at the end that's literally bending elements like the god damn Avatar.
isnt that more common to vampires? its a thing in the anne rice vampires. though twilight vampires are stupifly powerful for the story theyre in.
idk maybe while vampires subsisted on regular humans, they were a eugenics experiment in order to fight some other crazy cthulhu type shit
maybe theyre psykers or something and are going to culminate in a godlike being to bring humanity into its next phase of evolution and lead them across the galaxy
I've read it as a teen romance and I liked it, actually. I think the problem here is people wanting a dark fantasy story, when the intentions of the author was to write a teen romance. My opinion comes from the fact that I've read tons of teen romance and sci-fi/fantasy/horror stories, I'm a fan of both (what can I do, teen drama is my guilty pleasure...) and I've recognized the structure and features of the first, but nothing of the second. I don't think Meyer is a bad writer, I think she's misunderstood and read by the wrong base.
Might be interesting to you, but you aren't the demographic for a reason. I'm not saying those books are good but some people like to read about romance.
This is pretty much how I feel about Twilight. There's actually some pretty good backstories to most of the vampires, and lore to the vampires and werewolves in general, but the stupid love triangle and teenage angst kind of ruins it all.
I tried to force myself through the first book just to see what all the fuss was about but the writing was absolutely insufferable, which is a shame. Aside from the vampires sparkling I thought there were some interesting ideas there, like people being turned via a vampire venom and various people having special abilities that are amplified when turned. That could have made a really cool action series about vampires, but instead it turned into some bitch whining for three books about how her boyfriend was hot but somehow everything was also terrible?
True. Also, some of the back stories of the other family members where much more interesting than anything that had to do with the three main characters, expanding on those a bit more would have made the book much better.
It has all the potential to be really dark and gritty
What potential was that? The vampires sparkled in sunlight, and the main ones didn't drink human blood. Most of the main vampire group go to fucking high school during the day despite the fact that they were all definitely old enough to be/act like mature adults when they were bitten. The later books add some extra vampire shit which is a little more typical, but there's still nothing particularly dark or gritty. At least no more dark and gritty than any other vampire story.
The biggest waisted potential of twilight is not following the story of the Cohen's father. His back story had so incredible potential has a young adult fiction, especially one aimed at teenage boys.
Many if not most vampires in Twilight had really interesting backgrounds. Not gonna lie, if Meyer released those as new novels I'd probably pick them up and feel some teenage nostalgia.
Jasper was cool, too. But Meyer kinda released something similar with that 3.5 book about the vampire army you see in the Twilight series.
There are rumors that a boy at school is a 400-year old vampire. They all laugh about it, but then Bella finds out that the boy she's dating is actually the vampire.
After an initial period of shock and denial, Bella decides that it might actually be kind of cool to live as a vampire, and that she's willing to let Edward bite her... but he tells her that he could never subject anyone else to that kind of curse. So, he decapitates her before cannibalizing her body and drinking her blood.
What a jerk.
yenwood ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:27:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edward's family were "vegetarians". They only drank the blood of animals and swore to not hurt humans.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 08:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh so they annoyed all the other vampires with their vegan shit...
I would love to read a book through the eyes of Charlie trying to manage the creepy goings on of a sleepy coastal town, racial tension between whites and the tribe, mysterious killings, and his moody teenage daughter moving to town because of his flighty ex-wife's shenanigans.
I disagree. I want Twilight to stay just as it is, but have Stephen King write the sequels. Let it start off as a love story between a thousand year old undead being and a 16 year old girl, then start to get creepy.
yenwood ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:29:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, because the 114* year old undead being WATCHING HER SLEEP wasn't creepy at all.
What I want is Twilight, by John Ringo John Scalzi.
Where it turns out the 'Vampires' are actually nanotech-enhanced supersoldiers, designed to infiltrate and destroy unknowing colony worlds before building spaceships and expanding their infestation. Why else don't they have to breathe, except adaptation for space combat? Why else does their skin only refract under high intensity light, except for laser armor? The thirst for blood drives them to infect and attack their own kind and constantly pushes them towards battle without needing to give up valuable tactical information.
'Werewolves' are actually the work of a rival faction, a neuro-plague spread through mental N-space, and using forced mating procedures once infected(imprintation) to expand N-Space compatible genomes throughout the population before joining the collective and going to war against the Nano-Lords.
These tactics have worked on a million worlds, but on Earth, they ran into a problem; Humans have 'talents' never seen before, talents that give the vampires powers and the will to resist and control the initial vampire population explosion, and talents that allowed the werewolves to reform the neuroplague into something in accordance with their beliefs in the spirit world.
Now, the date is 2263, and the Volturi Vampire Lords and the Werewolf Protectorate, under the Quileute High Council, have allied to build the first in a new generation of warships; warships designed to enter them as a third faction in the galactic war that has gone on for uncounted millennia.
The battle for humanity's future in the stars has begun.
...Which is like this only with 3 identical Tom Clancy characters who have a boner for hardware stats and have lost their families and have nothing to lose, an irrelevant author self-insert about being self-sufficient in the woods, and the plot twist only happening in like the last two chapters while we're left starving for more about the aliens who are significantly more fun than all of the humans.
Or wait... someone should write some erotic fanfiction about Twilight characters... they could probably publish it with some slightly altered names and eventually depart from the vampire shit and make MILLIONS.
For people interested in Twilight covers, there is one. Not Stephen King style - rationality style. Peculiar style, as it's told from a peculiar viewpoint.
No biggie, just pointing out both Twilight and and The Vampire Diaries are both based around the love triangle trope, but Twilight is not a cover of The Vampire Diaries.
It would start out with the same angsty love story bullshit. Then at about page 80 Pennywise, Flagg or Barlow would show up and eviscerate the whole fucking town. Metrosexual vampires and all...
Highly recommended. With one small update: Satan chewing on Judas, Hitler, and Rupert Murdoch.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, stealing money is terrible and all, but I really don't think that is on par with betraying and killing the son of god (if you believe in that) or you know, the whole Hitler situation.
I guess I feel Hitler is a worthy addition. But Murdoch is just a criminal. 100 years from now, some random vr redditor will spout some bs about the 7th level of Hell and Hitler will still be there, will Murdoch?
Think about all the shit in the world right now, the possible end of democracy, end of the EU, brexit, Trump starting a nuclear war, Etc. All because Rupert Murdoch wanted to profit from the destruction of the world. You literally have the White House, Senate and Congress controlled by people who don't believe in science. And this is accepted as normal in the most powerful country in the world. Who is responsible for this? It could get a lot worse. We could be good headed back towards the 8th century...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:54 on July 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry Murdoch is not responsible for all of this. Even if it is as bleak as you write.
If I had to boil it down to a single man Hitler, Goebbels, Goring are good candidates. Gavrilo Princip, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald all seem to have started or allowed to end important world events.
Even the 'good guys' take a lot of heat for parts of how it has all turned out. Truman, Mark Sykes/Francois Picot, Reagan all made decisions that fundamentally changed regions of the world if not the entire thing.
Other times it was folks like Nixon, Bush 2 or Merkel who through incompetence or naivety have allowed things to happen that threatened everything.
Hell even Marx/Engels, Adam Smith, John Locke could all be blamed for this.
The forces that pull at all 7 billion of us to act as we do are so much bigger than any man can control. In the short term, sure. but the externalities involved in any man made effort are unfathomable prior to execution.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, he went to hell for being too wishy-washy. He was threatened by a demon for his making up a religion when he claimed he didn't belong in a particular place.
An updated Inferno would be pretty cool. Dante used actual notables for the suffering souls he encountered, it might be neat to see fatty arbuckle or Kurt cobain talk to Dante.
Expect some great build up as we get a terrifying tour through hell, with an ultimately disappointing climax when we finally meet Lucifer in the depths of the iciest parts of hell.
It's the Stephen King way!
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a simple universal law. People always expect to use a holiday in the sun as an opportunity to read those books theyโve always meant to read, but an alchemical combination of sun, quartz crystals and coconut oil will somehow metamorphose any improving book into a rather thicker one with a name containing at least one Greek word or letter (The Gamma Imperative, The Delta Season, The Alpha Project and, in the more extreme cases, even The Mu Kau Pi Caper). Sometimes a hammer and sickle turn up on the cover. This is probably caused by sunspot activity, since they are invariably the wrong way around.
Mikey_B ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this from Discworld? I've never heard it but it's fantastic.
To be fair I have not read too many anglophone authors... so these universes just seemed to fit together well enough. But a Pratchett version of a Clancy? Sounds not like something old Terry would've enjoyed writing. not enough fantasy and ridiculousness involved...
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 00:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like it would have gotten really interesting if he were confined by the world of Clancy. I feel like he'd manage to pull the literary equivalent of a MacGuyver invention- using strange combination of mundane world shit to make something truly unusual. I think it would have really challenged him to write in the mundane world, and I think he would have risen to the challenge.
He did both in and outside of his Discworld universe.
The Science of Discworld and its 3 sequels are the Wizards using Hex to simulate a world without magic which is named "Roundworld" aka Earth, it also takes a look at our own history and the like. The series is combination of textbook and the hilarious incompetence of the Wizards and Wizzard.
Outside of the Discworld universe he wrote a few other series. The Long Earth takes place in a universe where people can use a cheap device to travel through parallel Earths which can differ quite substantially from one dimension to the next. Its quite a good read with 5 books in the series. The Nome or Bromeliad Trilogy is a series where a tribe of tiny people suddenly learn where they came from and begin a journey to return home. Its a fun and easy read about a race very similar to Nac Mac Feegles in some ways work together and try to travel across modernish Earth. The first book starts with a tribe of 'outside' Nomes hitching a ride on a truck to a department store where they meet a tribe of 'inside' Nomes who don't believe in the 'outside' because the store has "All Things Under One Roof." Then theres the Johnny Maxwell Trilogy which is about a boy, Johnny an his friends hanging out and being put in situations which involve video game aliens, ghosts, and a time-traveling bag lady as well as wonderful subplots including bombs, video game development, and protecting important cultural locations from becoming cubicles.
Also this list isn't comprehensive by any means, there's quite a few one-off novels and collaborations that Terry worked on.
TL;DR: Terry Pratchett wrote a lot of books and they are very good.
Reading Dodger reminded me of how badly I struggled with The Wee Free Men the first time I read it. For a while when I was first reading him I would have to read the book two or three times to get it all.
Heck, just for the sake of completeness he also wrote a couple of planet hopping sci-fi novels. Dark Side of The Sun and Strata. Strata was a kind of sci-fi precursor to the Discworld novels
I've always thought of Equal Rites as a kind of gender flipped Harry Potter. The books are more dissimilar than they are similar but the similarities are still there.
armcie ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 09:36:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recall Terry telling a story from a signing. Someone brought a book to him and said "look. I've worked it out. Ponder Stibbons, glasses, awkward boy who goes to a magical school. This is based on Harry Potter isn't it?" Terry turned to the front of the book and pointed out the 1992 publishing date.
Equal Rites was also written a decade before Potter.
I, of course, used a time machine to "get the idea" of Unseen University from Hogwarts; I don't know what Paul [Kidby, the illustrator] used in this case. Obviously he must have used something.
โ Terry Pratchett, on the similarities between Discworld and Harry Potter
I love Harry Potter as much as the next guy (in 5th grade I just read the series over and over again, because I was convinced it was impossible for any other books to be better), but it's really derivative, and the world is riddled with plot holes. Basically it's the classic "boarding school" genre of books (which Americans are unfamiliar with, probably making HP seem more original) plus magic, with some Nazis thrown in.
What book does Ponder Stibbons show up in? I'm only up to Wyrd sisters so far.
And I apologize I should have been clearer. I know it very definitely was not a response to Harry Potter, there are just enough surface level similarities to have fun with.
armcie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He first crops up in Moving Pictures, but takes a large roll in later books. And he isn't very Potteresque at all to be honest, beyond a slight similarity in appearence
I view the Discworld series as four main sub-series with a few outliers tossed in:
The Wizards sub-series (The Last Continent, Equal Rites, Hogfather, Sourcery, etc.)
The Witches sub-series (Equal Rites, Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies, Carpe Jugulum, Maskerade, the Tiffany Aching books)
The Watch sub-series (Thud, Men At Arms, Night Watch, Guards! Guards!, etc.)
Death subseries (Hogfather, Mort, Reaper Man, Soul Music).
Some of them cross over (Hogfather and Soul Music are Death + Wizards for instance) but that's how I see it. And the random outliers include Small Gods, Eric, Pyramids, The Truth, Going Postal, etc.
squigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get that a lot. Terry Pratchett deals almost exclusively in archetypes and stereotypes. You'll see similarities in all sorts of works.
I feel like Tiffany Aching might be Pratchett's ideological response to Harry Potter. Pratchett loves his witches. They go on these huge adventures, but their magic is practical. Their greatest strengths are their intelligence and pragmatism - thwir willingness to be honest and do the unpleasant work that needs to be done, but everyone looks down on.
[deleted] ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 03:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the Tiffany Aching books are basically Pratchett's version of a young coming-of-age series in a fantasy setting. Tiffany even becomes a witch... even if her "school" is just the relatively down-to-Earth rural area of the Discworld.
In terms of actual lessons and perspective, not just a series of setpieces and mysteries, the Aching series runs circles around Harry Potter.
"If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."
Study for your exams, Harry! Being the chosen one isn't enough!
I was thinking this, but then decided that Neil Gaiman might do a better job of Harry Potter. And that's despite the fact that Terry Pratchett is my favourite author, as you can probably tell from my username.
Actually I think you're right, because instead of being The Boy Who Survived he was The Boy Who Was A Source Of Magic Flowing Into The World Around Him.
I seem to distinctly recall Rincewind saying "You can't just point and something and go 'Boom!' " and then blowing something up.
I feel Terry Pratchett couldn't do that. He is all about world building while Harry Potter is about the opposite approach to writing, make stuff up as you go along, without much care for consistency in the larger world.
Ah, you thought I meant Equal Rites played with Harry Potters premise, but I meant the premise of a student of a wizard school.
But that's about it for similarities, I think. I should read it again, but I think I lent it to someone, because I can't find it. Oh well, it's not the first book of his I have to rebuy.
It doesn't need to be their job to educate, but it is their job to actually represent things decently. I don't expect every book set in medieval times to educate on the irrigation and feudal systems of the day, but I also expect them to include knights and peasants rather than tanks and laser weapons.
BDSM is a real thing that exists, and as such it takes only a little research to understand it. And if your entire book revolves around BDSM as a core theme, then it's your job to make sure what you're writing is correct and not a bunch of utter bullshit.
I would also probably argue that it is every writer's job to write ethically. By that I mean I feel it is irresponsible for a writer to release a book which perpetuates already harmful norms in our society. Since people read these books and are informed by them in their own lives, even if subconsciously, I've always believed that an author should follow the doctor's addage of "do no harm". That's not to say that every piece of fiction needs to be a complex and well-written commentary on the societal issues we face, but only that it shouldn't romanticize harmful values which we are working hard as a society to change. Perhaps that's just me though, idk.
I agree to some degree, but not fully. My main thoughts are how few books/movies/etc. we'd have if we had healthy, functioning relationships between all characters.
Take the Joker and Harlequin, for example. I've rarely seen people up in arms about their fucked up relationship. A lot of Christian's traits are actually pretty common, especially in YA romance. Without delving into personal opinions, I notice people aren't nearly as hostile towards equally (if not more) harmful books (particularly YA romance that portray watches-you-while-you-sleep-without-consent vampires as sweet and romantic.)
Another example. The game Counter Strike, a multiplayer FPS where you either play as a terrorist or defend against them. You could say the option to play as a terrorist is promoting terrorism. My ultimate question is, what's the difference here? To what extent is an author responsible for their books, movies, games, etc?
To the extent that the Joker is not a character which is depicted as desirable. Neither is Batman, really. From my understanding, some rather nasty things happen to him because he is sort of an anti-hero. But I could be wrong there, I don't quite remember. Either way, in terms of the Joker, since he is considered a "bad guy" the attributes given to him are more in the name of admonishment than anything, I would argue. Not to mention the fact that the Joker always fails, ultimately.
True, and neither is Harlequin. It still goes to show, though, that people will idolize something weather it's shown as a good or bad thing :/ I've seen a lot of couples on FB post Harlequin/Joker pics with captions about relationship goals or something. I've never been big into comic books, but my boyfriend is, and told me a bit about how messed up and unstable their relationship is.
Did she ever claim that her book was meant to represent all BDSM? It's pretty clear that Christian Grey has some serious issues, was molested by someone into BDSM, and turned to BDSM to deal with his control problems. It's not like that never happens. Not every person into BDSM is a perfectly mentally healthy individual. I keep seeing people frustrated that those books made BDSM look bad, which I get, but... it's not like it's completely bullshit that screwed up people exist who aren't the poster children of BDSM.
Pretty true, actually. I've met plenty of people who use BDSM as an excuse for abuse. I once had a "Dom" tell me consent was something you can take from someone if they refuse to give it.
That's some people's fucked up idea of consent. I see it pretty often, actually. I sometimes hang out on Omegle on the cam side with some BDSM tags. Guys are downright fucked on there, they have no concept of consent and think because they're the Dom, it's an excuse to get everything they want and not have to care about the person they're playing with. My only comforting thoughts are 1) They may just be assholes online 2) They're on Omegle. They're probably not getting any real action anyway.
Goddamn, I hope they aren't. Stuff like that makes me wonder why anyone gives a damn about 50 Shades at all. You should be worried about actual people who are abusing the system in real life. Christian Grey may be a fucked up person who got into it for the wrong reasons, but at least he's super obsessed with consent.
No, you're completely and objectively wrong in every way imaginable. BDSM is not a codified thing that you can tell someone they're doing wrong. Sadomasochist sex has existed for millennia, long before black leather was around. A small subgroup of weirdos trying to fit in with each other don't get to hijack and entire form of sexuality and tell others that they're doing it wrong.
A couple engaging in spanking during/prior to sex? That's SM. They don't need to have read a book, visited a sex shop, or joined and online group to "do it properly", because there's no such thing as "doing it properly". There are no codified rules.
I acknowledge and respect your point, but I politely disagree. I'll present my counter arguments and would love to hear you perspective.
Your comment about representing things decently... that can be interpreted in a lot of ways, so I'l address two points. The first, representing things "morally right". In which case we could never have books that involve any aspects of abuse, or characters who make bad decisions. The second, I'll assume you mean accurately, referring to how differently Christian practices BDSM compared to any decent Dom. I'm curious why you think it's not accurate, just because it's breaking so many of BDSM's core rules. There are people in the community who are WORSE than Christian. I've met them. They're terrifyingly real. 50 Shades may not be the proper, safe, and healthy way to practice BDSM, but it's not that unrealistic.
I would not like it in my mouth, I would not like it further south. I would not like it in my box, I would not like it with more cocks. I would not like it up my ass, I would not like the moaning gasps.
I read it because I started to think I was believing misconceptions about it. I was. For example you see the claim everywhere that he ignored the safe word at one point and kept going, but she used the safe word one time in all three of those books and he immediately stopped and begged her forgiveness
I own all three, picked them up for $2 each secondhand, never read them. I always figured I'd get people to read them drunk as a party game and record it.
squigs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:25:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are amusingly bad if you enjoy that sort of thing (i.e. bad writing). My gf read me some. She read the "Oh my"s in a George Takei voice.
Just replace green eggs and ham with sex, and it writes itself.
Would you could you on a boat?
Would you could you with a goat?
Dor333 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:21:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually think that 50 shades, or something similar, could be moderately well done. I read a few pages and writing is horrible.... the book would have improved with a better editor lol.
My vote 50 shades of Grey by Anne Rice.
inio ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:43:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh, writing as A. N. Roquelaure obviously. She could even work the vampirism back in, since it did start as a Twilight fanfic after all.
She had a really good editor, the problem was that the editor wasn't allowed to do her job because the publisher didn't want to lose the fan base that was already there.
I think the best person to tackle 50 shades would be Jane Austen. So little happens as it is, but if you had her elegantly sarcastic tone narrating the main character's inner world (making her more interesting while we're at it), it would be way more interesting. It would also provide a neat satyrical look at today's society, what with everyone Anastasia interacts with.
Really, imo, 50 Shades is Pride & Prejudice set in today's world with the character studies cut out - and that's the part that makes P&P so good in the first place.
Dor333 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:20:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe, but personally I wish this would be a thing so I was trying to think of living authors lol.
Well, before I found your rendition, I ran into this highly upvoted comment:
Can we stop calling scandals -gates? Can't you just say "The iPhone Bending Scandal." There was one gate. It was watergate. Because that's the name of the place it happened in.
I thought I was the only one getting sick and tired of it. Nowadays when something is a -gate, I stop taking it seriously right away because apparently it needs to reference a presidency-ending scandal to seem relevant.
Thank you for saying it and making me feel like less of a complainer.
There's no turning back, said the man dressed in black.
Friends you will find, in all different kinds, one is a lady with two sets of minds. One likes the smack and to fly as a kite, am I right? All of your friends will make you humbler, even the eenie-weenie billybumbler.
Most precious of all is a child, sweet and dear. None of the above will cover in fear, as the tower draws near, it's almost right here!
But Roland Deschain, it will all be in vain. The love and the fights and the long days and nights. Alone you will be, though the tower you'll see. All out of gist, and fire and steam, it was true as they said.. All, things, serve the beam.
lurgi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:48:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reference to an old BBC radio comedy show called "The Goon Show". "Lurgi Strikes Britain" was one of their better known episodes, featuring a fictional disease called "lurgi" which causes people to shriek "Yakaboo!" and was invented as part of a scheme to sell musical instruments.
In this post, author, /u/ketryne presents a Suessian interpretation of the classic Stephen King novel "The Shining." His key point is to demonstrate that the whimsical non-coherence of Dr. Suess aligns with the non-coherant insanity of "The Shining's" antagonist, Jack, as he embraces the darkness of the Overlook Hotel. In this way, /u/ketryne's post rejects the duality of man and how he chooses to accept the unpredictability of life and potential possession by demonic forces. While one would assume a Suessian narrator would overcome such forces with colorful illustrations and zany rhymes it soon becomes apparent that this will not be the case.
In the first stanza the author very rationally sets the scene for the rest of the poem. The only exception is the term "glook" which hints at the Suessian journey the reader is about to embark on. However, the lack of rhyme or meter sets the tone that something is slightly off with the narrator.
The second stanza continues to toy with the reader, implying that the unreliable narrator sees "it." The final line of the poem hits the reader like Chris Brown after a night of drinking, as the reader realizes that the narrator has been overtaken by the darkness. This leads the reader to the poem's final conclusion, that there is nothing holding society together except a thin veil of sanity and that the only duality which man has is which insanity he will feed.
ketryne ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:17:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So this is what people do with English degrees...
But all jokes aside, this is the best literary analysis I have ever seen!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:10:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure how much Seuss you have read, but he rarely conforms to meter, so you actually hit that rather spot on.
He's famous for his invented, nonsensical words, though. If you were asking for recommendations on improvement, I'd suggest sprinkling in a few more. ("Glook" was excellent!) You aren't, though, so I won't suggest it.
Source: read the entire Seuss library an obscene number of times. (Tonight was Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?, Oh! The Places You'll Go!, and The King's Stilts.)
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 211 points ยท Posted at 01:27:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They thought that he died/
they thought that he froze/
but the truth! Only a little dog named Max/
really knows!
Way up in the mountains, a haunted hotel
Shows Jack and his family the gateway to Hell
EDIT: I just realized that this only works if you read "family" as having only two syllables. "Fam-lee". Clearly I'm a yank who has corrupted the Queen's English.
This is horrid iambic pentameter, but more importantly, Suess wrote primarily in anapestic tetrameter, which the post you replied to pulled off quite well. In fact, I don't think any of Suess' published works are in iambic pentameter.
All I did was put it into iambic pentameter. I didn't claim Suess used it, nor criticize the post in anapestic tetrameter. I was just having a bit of fun morphing the sentence.
Ok... you seem like you have trouble reading context. This was a thread of people rewriting a story to sound like Seuss. Then people corrected some of the attempts with better attempts. You chimed in with what, in that context, sounded like you were trying to further improve the rhymes with added correction, since you gave no indication as to why else you would rewrite the lines. If this had been a thread of people having fun with randomly morphing a sentence, your comment would've made sense as is. In this context though you needed to explain that. If you don't believe me just look at the votes we received. People clearly understood your comment the same way I did.
I'm only belligerent when people correct a perfectly good Seuss impression with a piss poor impression.
And just to clarify, your iambic writing doesn't scan. Up in the mountains is most naturally said with a stressed, unstressed, unstressed, stressed pattern. You don't emphasize the "in."
I'd rather read "The Cat in the Hat" covered by Stephen King. It could become some twisted version of "The Shining" crossed with his "Cat's Eye" (dang, I loved that story and movie as a kid...)
Probably the same reason that when some show uses the 'Ring around the Rosie' child song in a very slow tempo, it's very... disturbing.
Combines something we associate with kids, thus safe and friendly, with something that we regard as off putting or creepy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ring Around the Rosie is about the plague, it's fckn creepy anyhow...
True, but it's still, somehow, a child's song. (I guess I forgot the english version was that creepy. The spanish one has no mention of bad stuff or death, even hinted)
thudly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:25:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Rum, Blue Rum, Yellow Rum, Red Rum!
If you don't watch out, you're gonna get some!
bmcmb ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:07:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every Jack who lived in the hotel liked drinking a lot,
But there was no Jack to drink in the hotel there was NOT,
All work and no play,
All snow and no sleigh,
Sober, mad, sad, and no joy,
Makes jack a dull boy
I admittedly haven't read much McCarthy. With O'Connor, I think that her version of "morbid" is more "tragic" than Faulkner's, while Faulkner's take on death seems a lot more inevitable and as such is less heartrending but also more unsettling at the same time
McCarthy fucks with your mind. Outer Dark is pretty morbid. The Road still gives me nightmares. He can't even be placed into the likeness of Faulkner. They're both gothic, sure, but Faulkner is more Country Noir and McCarthy is like... his own thing.
Came to mention this. I'd put O'Connor and Faulkner as comparable authors of Country Noir, and love both. I think O'Connor delivers better, but I prefer Faulkner's prose.
McCarthy goes for the kill. The Road and No Country still got me fucked up.
you burned down a barn? do you also identify with Abner Snopes?
fks_gvn ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He burned down the barn because the mother he loved was putrefying for nine days in that goddamn casket, and everyone else was just dicking around letting it happen. It wasn't fair to the farmer, but don't pretend he's insane. He was trapped between a clean end to that disaster of a trip and destroying another man's property.
"If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of the Wall and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would wait for the Others who make wights out of men; and I would make a wight of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at The Old Gods"
this is far and away the coolest clip of writing i've come across on reddit in a long while, probably ever. the marriage of the tones works so well for the topic you chose. To contrast my own ineloquent self, Fucking A dude.
maxjets ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 05:43:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my own ineloquent self, Fucking A dude.
He doesn't mind you redditing during sex?
wirer ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:46:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only problem with this is the use of semicolons.
v64 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The original quote from Cat's Cradle used semicolons:
โIf I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of Mount McCabe and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would take from the ground some of the blue-white poison that makes statues of men; and I would make a statue of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at You Know Who.โ
You could make the argument that any writer worth anything will know - and you can be damn sure that Vonnegut realized this - that the art of writing is in constant evolution, and that the meaning of a semicolon as such is subject to change.
You could, in short, make the argument that the use of the semicolon is a natural contemporary device in any modern iteration of his style.
I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are you alluding to what I wrote or the OPs pastiche of Vonnegut? I can't find his original post because Reddit's thread system sucks, but I guess it's not really that important either way.
Cat's Cradle seems way too depressing from what I've heard. It doesn't really help that I had the ending spoiled by the Recruit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:18 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't really find it to be a depressing book at all, and it's definitely a book that can still be enjoyed even if you know the ending (I'm currently rereading it!), so if you're interested you should really check it out
Upvote for the Sirens idea. I can't imagine anyone doing it more justice. Although, thinking about it, Gondry, Linklater, the Coens or even Lynch would all be interesting. Screenplay by Kaufman, obvs.
trj820 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that Sirens could be done. It relies too much on Unk's identity, and there's very little speech on Mercury.
That part would certainly be tricky. A good screenwriter could dream up ways around it though, I'm sure. (I was going to point to a recent-ish sci-fi adaptation as a case in point, but saying which might be considered a spoiler.)
Wes Anderson for Rosewater is spot on. The affluent family drama, the depression, the quirky characters, and the fire departments- imagine the uniforms!
7 novels and 350 named-character deaths later, we learn that the culminating purpose behind every event in the series was that Bran would pick up a piece of metal and carry it somewhere else.
I'm 31 and I found a bunch of my old books cleaning out my mom's garage last year and ended up reading the whole series (I had quit like 2/3 of the way through when I was in middle school) in like a month, they were still pretty exciting as nominal sci-fi and I could get through two books in an afternoon if I was so inclined.
They struggle against the yergs and find futility at every turn. Book 4 ends mid sentence as Tobias is being confronted by Ax. Its difficult to understand him, but what he said
lol I remember also being in middle school at the time and realizing at my age, there was not fucking way these kids could pull off what they were doing. Seemed like they were in their mid-twenties at least
Yeah I meant "near the end" to be after they lost their secret identities and actually had to fight a guerrilla war from hiding.
I feel silly now, I'm rereading the series at the moment and just read 37 about a month ago. Just completely forgot they pulled the jet stunt. Of course it happened the one time Jake was AWOL and Rachel took over the team.
I never saw past that episode where he got stuck, did he ever get un-stuck? Also, what happened to the alien dude who was an amalgamation of everybody?
The rest of us, in a thread about books being redone in the style of another bookinator, are discussing the books. I don't recall how far the show got, only that I saw every episode and was filled with disappointment.
In the books, it is revealed that basically a Dumbledore kind of figure and and more vicious, domineering, unconcerned-with-the-entire-concept-of-creatovity-or-love-or-happiness kind of figure are playing galactic chess and our eponymous heroes are the pieces (particularly Cassie). One of these creatures spends some game resources to present himself to the animorphs and do these things.
I think to call the Ellimist a Dumbledore character is inadequate. He's closer to a mysterious deity, a little unconcerned with the nitty gritty, more of a big-picture fellow.
The Ellimist (pragmatic and concerned, but not necessarily benevolent) and Krayak (dominant) decide that open war between them destroys swaths of worlds and species, and so decide that their conflict must be done only through proxy actors. I remember a line like "there would be rules, limitations."
His resolution was The Ellimist giving him morphy powers again, except now a red-tailed hawk was his base form instead of his human teenager body. And he lives with Ax.
If I'm remembering he was also somehow granted the ability to absorb his own former body's DNA so he had his human form as a morph. So he could have become a human again permanently, but at the cost of his powers.
The Ellimist, existing outside of time, was able to send Tobias back in time when he gave him his powers back. He sent him back to before the start of the first book and had him acquire his own DNA from himself.
There is one scene in a (possible) future where he absorbed the DNA of an Andalite and got stuck in that morph because the hawk body doesn't live near as long as human or Andalite did. Idk if that was the actual future, or just some variation of a future when they time traveled, lol.
Sadly not, but I do remember it as it struck me as something I had never thought about. It was a significantly post-war future (which makes me think it wasn't the "real" one), and I think he had morphed into Ax.
I can't look for it either because I left my complete collection of books at home when I moved out some 11 years ago, like a FOOL! And my mother donated them to a school. So if you know where I can get the whole lot on ebooks I would be most appreciative. (I've clearly been reading samples people have written up and now I'm writing all weird.)
If you want to be more exact,he dreams that he is face to face with his past self(as in the day before he met and co met Ax) and touches him to get back his body
They defeated the alien invasion of Earth, shattered the Yerk Empire forever, and catapulted Earth onto the galactic stage with their new Andalite allies at the cost of single battalion of the army and Rachel.
CGA001 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:35:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Having a loving family, where everyone depends on you and you love being able to provide for them, and then you transform and they hate you, leaving you to literally die of a broken heart and abuse.
Goddamn that book fucked me up, I still think about it and it's been years since I read it.
It really speaks to how unsubstantial some relationships are. When people only care because they get something in return. A sad world we live in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:53 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
um i clearly read this book when i was too young because i did not get any of that out of it
CGA001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:38 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure you're talking about the same book? Because that's how the book ends. There isn't really any other way to interpret it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:13 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like i said, i was far too young. i was a little tiny teenager who had no idea what familial responsibilities were, what it is like to provide for others, any of that. so i didn't read any of the deep stuff
The Andalite Chronicles was AMAZING. The whole ending with the guy seeing the life he could have had and sacrificing it to save his people was legitimately touching for an Animorphs book
That exact point in the story is my first memory of a book truly stirring my emotions.
I'm sure through school and such I'd been exposed to writing that had deep emotional content, but nothing really made a connection until that. And I was immediately conscious of the difference as I was still in the moment, sitting there on the floor of my bedroom, amazed that a book could be generating that tightness in my throat.
They definitely hold up the most, and I say that as someone who thinks that most of the series in general is at least worth rereading at least once as an adult.
I remember the D-Day one. Hitler is a Jeep driver or whatever for the Germans in some weird alternate history where the Nazis weren't evil and one of the kids kill him even though he is innocent.
lkc159 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chaos time butterflies.
I think that's megamorphs 3 or 4. The time matrix one
Megamorphs 1 was the dust monster
Megamorphs 2 was the dinosaur one
Megamorphs 3 I don't remember
The 4th one was definitely time travel. I remember when they fought while the battle of Trafalgar was happening.
Ohhhh Megamorphs. I forgot about those. I don't think I read this one specifically. Those were weird. I think Cassie had someone call her a rather racist term in one. And... that's all I remember.
I still have mine and started re-reading them. I realize I have a 14 year old niece and a 12 year old nephew... To imagine them going through that!? oh man... its definitely a different read.
None of those things sound out of place for Animorphs. For a kid's series, it managed to get away with a lot of depressing things and super disturbing imagery.
I'm not sure a faithful adaptation of any sort of visual media would fly, while still letting it keep a late elementary, early middle school focus like the books were originally aimed for.
Yeah the TV series was pretty weak for that reason. I guess that whole "children or animals" idiom goes double for putting kids in the same room as wolves and tigers.
R_M80 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have books to read now. I picked a couple back up recently and they hold up astonishingly well. The quality varies, but because they're short you can just skim through the mediocre ones for relevant plot points. Don't ignore the side "chronicle" stories, they're some of the best.
Having read it semi-recently I disagree. It has the veneer of deepness, and brings up some interesting ideas and concepts, like Father and Cryak, but it ultimately doesn't really do anything with them. Crayak and Ellimist's Q-like powers might as well be a goddamned cameo for how little screen time they get.
I love that series. It's squarely aimed at and super accessible to children with lots of slice-of-life and silly humor, but it's also about the horrors of war, reconciling morality with necessity, and how far you'd go to save yourself, your loved ones, or your species. It's completely bonkers and often astonishingly dark.
In one of the books one of the main characters get shot in the head with a bullet and dies. This is a series with lasers and shit, by the way. They can heal any wound by morphing, but it turns out that if they're missing a good deal of brain matter they can't morph. Who knew?
Megamorphs 3. 1 was just a standalone story about them getting hunted by some dust monster alien, and 2 was about them going back in time to the dinosaur era.
another one where a guy morphs into a fly during D-Day
What.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:58:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They also witness George Washington getting assassinated by an alien, and one of the main characters accidentally kills Adolf Hitler with his wrist claws.
I'm pretty sure I didn't read those. I'd like to think I'd remember that.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D-Day, Washington and Hitler are all in Elfangor's Secret, the third Megamorphs book. It takes place around the time of the 30th main book, so it is quite possible you stopped reading before then.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:06:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Completely serious. They're following a time traveling bad guy messing with human history. In the Hitler bit, Hitler isn't even the leader of Germany - alternate events have reduced his role to a truck driver in the German army.
They steal Geroge Washington's boots right before he crossed the Delaware. They needed some boots, so why not?
Also there's a scene where they're in the past and the black main character gets called the N-word, so she morphs into a polar bear and holds the guy's head between her jaws and asks him if that's white enough for him.
Oh yea. They also go see Henry V at Agincourt, and watch Washington get killed crossing the Delaware.
It was a weird one.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:26:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's also the one where none of them can die (after a sacrifice) and Rachel goes a little bit more crazy than usual after getting killed several times.
Rachel morphs a starfish and is cut up. She passes out morphing back and it turns out that both pieces morphed back leading to two Rachels and some hell of a split personality. One was all of her recklessness, courage, and straight up ruthlessness. The other was timid, insecure, and cautious.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:28:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're the 10 foot tall herbivore green and purple dinosaur ones. The Hork-Bajir Chronicles went into how they use their massive claws to cut the bark off trees and eat it, up until the Yeerks conquered them.
I can't believe I remember this? But that book was the one Animorphs book I kept into my teens.
There was a passage in one of the books about how the really smart ones of their races (called seers I think?) was realizing a concept for the first time and tried to explain it to the rest of her species which weren't as intelligent. Her grasp of the topic was one of the best descriptions of a eureka moment and I think about it whenever I finally understand or get someone else to understand something
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:54 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That book was so amazing. It turned Hork-Bajir from "goofy looking aliens" to fully-realized species with a complex world and backstory. Goddamn, JK really knew how to write aliens.
I discovered the series in 3rd grade, and up until the series ended, I probably spent more time reading and re-reading them than I did on schoolwork and studying. I might not be able to quote the books chapter and verse anymore, but I still remember them pretty well.
The Taxons were giant bug-like aliens with lots of pointy little legs and arms with pincers, so closer to centipedes rather than slugs. They were notable for being pretty much the only species that were nearly all voluntary Controllers. The reason for that is that they are barely able to control their appetites, but with a Yeerk in control, they aren't compelled to eat everything in sight.
Oh damn. I completely forgot about the Maro's parents arc. The way his Dad collapsed after his Mom's death and then in book 5 he finds his reason to fight. That was so good!
I read through all of them once, then 1-37 a few times because those were the copies I owned. I've almost completely forgotten about anything from 38 to the finale. What was the plot of the Marco becoming the bee one?
Spoilers, obviously, but Marco fucks up, and now the Yeerks want to kill Marco's dad. He tells his dad everything, and then he goes and rescues his mom, who is Visser One. In the end, they frees her, and Marco's parents go live with the Hork Bajir
Edit: my bad, I was thinking of the one where he becomes an ant. The bee one has to do with them finding another andellite living on earth or something. Either way, the one with the ant cover, book 45, is my favorite
I was wondering when they started moving to the Hork-Bajir (who I always called hook-bajar in my head for some reason) free colony. Thanks for the reminder.
I was always mad they wouldn't fight until that one time Erik had his programming disabled and he did. That shit was ferocious. Then I was glad they were peaceful.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:55 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh, I haven't cracked open one of those books in a decade and a half at least and I sure as shit remember that part. I believe she was a bear at the time.
Also I thought it was way later in the series, but w/e
In the books, the middle school misfits take a shortcut through a construction site, and witness the crash of an alien ship. He tells them about the threat from another alien race of parasites that want to use humans as meat mechs. Then he gives them the power to transform into animals (or aliens) after touching them only once. Adventures in infrastructure terrorism ensue.
I don't recall her initial design for the good guy aliens but they came across as copyright infringing (greys or green Martians or some shit) so she made them ludicrously off the wall instead.
Underneath the zany saturday-morning cartoon exterior the series is actually a story about war and what it does to children growing up in it.
It's a lot darker and a lot more philosophical than it gets credit for and it does in a very subtle way it's not preachy at all, it just kind of lays out this deepening sea of moral ambiguity
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me either. the only thing i'm coming up with is, if you are 12 and you squint really hard, the second-to-last image before she becomes a starfish, she looks naked
Honestly I'm not entirely sure but anecdotally I find that if someone posts an image of an Animorphs cover it's that one more often than you would expect on a purely statistical level.
The story's definitely one of the weird ones though-- one of the main characters morphs a starfish and then gets cut in half by accident, and in demorphing each one only has part of her personality and abilities-- one has her aggression and ability to make decisions but no long-term memory or ability to plan, and the other has her kindness and strategic abilities but is otherwise vapid and passive.
I was disappointed to hear that at first, but after a while of thinking about it, it's really not as bad as it sounds. Those books were pretty standard fare to begin with, the appeal was in the premise and the overall direction, which she handled. And ultimately, it's not that different from a show runner having staff writers on a tv show, which we all pretty readily accept.
Ah, rather she provided extremely detailed notes for the final arc, so her hand in the narrative is stronger than in the other ghostwritten books, is I believe what I was thinking.
If you think she wrote 25, I don't know what to say. Wasn't that the one where they're being chased through the tundra by jelly eyed hammerhead creatures, and in the end Marco (PoV character this one) takes a shower on max temp until the water goes cold?
He gives a plot synopsis and analysis of every book. His style gets better and better as time goes on--the first few are kinda weird, he was still finding his voice. But he is clearly passionate about the novels. I love animorphs and I loved listening to his series. Any ani-fan should give him a shot
It takes like an hour to get through each book if you read for one hour a day you'd be done in a couple months. Space that out every few years that's pretty much nothing
I read them since I was a kid and I also own all of them. They are not that long and I am a very fast reader so I guess I can finish them all in a week or more.
Hey thanks for that, I actually never got around to reading, I think, the last two books? I know the gist of what went on, but it'll be good to hear it all laid out properly.
I listen to him on long drives, it's a great series.
Visser Three is there. Visser Three is always there.
scleep ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:50:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did you ever read the spin-off book about some alien who travels through space and lives multiple lives. I remember it was connected to the animorphs universe. That shit wrecked my ten year old mind, but in the good way
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:55:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's also not the only one. I think. I know his origin book had him competing with another guy of his "species" and he failed to enlighten the cloudy planet aliens.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:04:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
noossab ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hork Bajir Chronicles was one of my favorite out of the whole series. I barely remember what happened, some sort of uprising story I think. And the mist was super creepy. Good stuff.
pku31 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:03:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An uprising story, with the uprisers stuck between a species that wants to enslave them and one that wants to genocide them, with the enslavers winning in the end, enslaving the entire species.
I always admired how Applegate didn't tone down the darkness just because it was a kids' book.
Definitely my favorite, and the Visser one after that. Also, those two had the best covers.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:23:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They played an evolution simulation game, where the goal? Or part of the fun, I guess, was to make the smallest possible change with the greatest effects. He's "competing" or playing with his friend and he clears a patch of sky so that they can see the stars. He's hoping that will coax to the stars, he's waiting for them to evolve and they're growing more technologically advanced and then they get completely wiped out by his friend's species. What his friend had done with his species was bump up their reproductive rate a tiny bit. What ends up happening is his species takes on a very warlike culture and eventually start to run out of resources on their planet so they learn to travel across planets and basically start pillaging everything.
I thought he was part of a species that was one if the first to be sentient in the universe. They essentially lived forever. Then one day something killed off his species and he was the lone survivor. For billions of years he's roamed around as some sort of god with near infinite powers until he runs into Cryak which is something (machine? Another survivor from an early species? Something like that.) that has roughly equivalent power. But while the Ellimist was trying to help species around and promote peace, Cryak was trying to find the most fit species to dominate the galaxy. They got in some sort of battle that destroyed a great deal of the universe before deciding to play a chess match in which they guided species to go head to head against each other instead. The battle on earth between Humans vs Yeerks was just one small part of this billions of years or so battle.
That is correct. Cryak is the red eye. Cryak is also the thing Jake sees just as the yeerk that infested him dies, the one that created the howlers to kill off those symbiotic species, and rescued David the rouge animporph from his rat island. Cryak tried messing with Jake at first but then switched to making Rachel turn because she was clearly more aggressive/reckless.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:26 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And wasn't there a subplot in which the Ellimist goes to a planet covered by an ocean that turns out to be the mind of a vast consciousness that has absorbed the memories and personalities of every alien it has ever encountered, and the Ellimist becomes part of that vast overmind?
I still have that book, it's a great one. The concept of the game at the beginning his race played before they died out was amazing. Two players go head to head by choosing one species each on a given planet. Each player can make one alteration to the environment of the planet in order to set their species up for success. Either one species goes extinct naturally or the other one kills them. I always thought that would make for an amazing game, albeit a bit horrifying.
I reread that book recently as an adult annnnd it's pretty fucking good, to be honest. Much better, and more imaginative, than a lot of super serious sci fi
I haven't re-read them since the mid-2000s so I can't speak to the prose, but the stories themselves are pretty great throughout. The ending of the dinosaur Megamorphs where Tobias commits genocide to return to the present and preserve the timeline has stayed with me since I read it, that shit was dark for me as a kid.
pku31 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:06:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hork-bajir chronicles, and the ellimist chronicles both have genocide in them, and the Andalite chronicles has Elfangor dealing with a commander who wants to commit war crimes, turn against him, and that have that spectacularly backfire when Visser Three infests said commander. Those books were dark.
However, everything she was setting up in the first few books didn't stay consistent at all, especially when it came to how Yeerks interacted with one another.
No problem. I've kind of made it my mission to spread this link as much as possible. Official Animorphs ebooks simply don't exist, which is a damn shame.
Ohhh! That's right, isn't that the group she often thanks I'm her acknowledgements? There's also the raptor one that helped her get Tobias' character... I'll do some research when I get back to my half collection
Will you give me a series synopsis? I read a couple as a kid and always wondered how the series went, but I didn't have the time or energy to read them all
Dude, that wasn't implied, I'm pretty sure the only reason he survived is because one of the others threw a baseball at the skylight and busted it so Tobias would fly into the sky instead of into glass.
I only hedged because he never mentions wanting to die or the like. He's basically having a panic attack at the time.
jwasko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're kinda right. I'd probably take the whole scene as suicide-ish although it's presented as "I'm trapped in a bad dream I'm desperate to wake up." Early on he's flying towards doors and walls thinking:
But I wasn't going to stop. I wasn't going to slow down. I was just going to end this right
now. I would hit the glass at full speed and maybe that would awaken me from this
nightmare.[...]I didn't care. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to wake up.
In the end it's a little less intention, more acceptance of an imminent death:
The hawk in my head wanted the sky. It knew safety was up in the high blue. The hawk
powered straight up. Straight up at the glass that he didn't understand. The glass that would
be like a brick wall.
But I couldn't fight it anymore.
And this is all triggered because he killed and ate a rat for the first time!
jwasko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was Marco that through the baseball, yeah. Reread that a few months ago.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The main characters trap another person in the body of a rat, then abandon him on an island to die.
Hey now, there were a lot of other rats on the island, so they surmised that he would 'comfortably' live out the rest of his natural rat lifespan.
Yeah, not buying it. Five teenagers watched an alien ship land and were informed that not only was their world under attack, the opposing force consisted of them and whatever animals they could manage to touch, good luck and have fun.... and they managed to not lose it.
David was dealt an extremely shit hand, yes, but instead of nutting up and fighting the good fight like the rest of them he decided to rob, stalk, and otherwise perform shitty acts.
It's a more rational version of the story. A lot of the plot holes in the original series are either explained in terms of things that actually make sense, or the characters decide to do something else that is a better choice overall. They're also more creative with how they choose to use their powers, and I don't want to give any spoilers, but they do come up with some pretty clever ways to fight the Yeerks. One of the other major changes is that making bad decisions has real consequences, as opposed to the original format of the series where they have episode-of-the-week plots that don't affect anything long term. On the whole, if you're looking for something that keeps the ideas behind the original series without losing the good memories of the originals like you might if you reread the originals, I think this fanfic is pretty great.
at what page does the sex starts? I didnt knew there was fan fiction with so many pages... At that point just make your own book
RscMrF ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:09:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would defeat the entire purpose of writing a fan fiction. People do it because they love and feel a strong connection to the source material. It's about expanding the "world" of whatever fiction you are writing for.
At least that is what I assume. I have never read any or wrote any, but I can imagine the urge, having read many book series or watched shows or movies that ended with me still wanting more.
Partially copy-pasted from another comment I wrote:
It's actually neither. The author of the fanfic is retelling the original story in a more rational way, so a lot of the plot holes in the original series are either explained in terms of things that actually make sense, or the characters decide to do something else that is a better choice overall. They're also more creative with how they choose to use their powers, and I don't want to give any spoilers, but they do come up with some pretty clever ways to fight the Yeerks. One of the other major changes is that making bad decisions has real consequences, as opposed to the original format of the series where they have episode-of-the-week plots that don't affect anything long term. On the whole, if you're looking for something that keeps the ideas behind the original series without losing the good memories of the originals like you might if you reread the originals, I think this fanfic is pretty great.
Wow, that sounds fascinating! Could you give me an example of a corrected plot hole? I assume it goes beyond stuff like Tobias being able to thought speak in The Invasion.
The fic tends to change entire swaths of the story rather than patching specific holes, and those changes come about because of characters making better kinds of decisions. What makes things interesting is those changes apply just as well to Visser 3 and the invasion force as it does to the Animorphs themselves. The Yeerks don't just completely ignore the fact that a zoo is the perfect place for a morph-capable insurgency to pick up exotic and deadly forms, for example.
Sure! In the original series, the Animorphs are (if I remember right) shown to be capable of using thought-speech while morphed as other humans, but they almost never take advantage of it. In the fanfic, they use it to talk securely. They can have one conversation using their voices in front of people they don't trust while appearing to be normal humans going about their lives, but talk to each other using thought-speech without having to worry about anyone listening in.
Ah, that's the one I was talking about too. IMO that's more of a retcon than an actual plot hole (she decided in the second book that thought speak would be restricted to when they were morphed, and kept it consistent throughout the rest of the series), but still, it's an interesting decision.
Yeah, there are definitely a few retcons to keep things interesting (like in this case some slight changes to the morphing rules), but I think on the whole the changes make things more interesting. A lot of the fun part of the fanfic for me is reading about how the characters experiment with new ways to use the powers and try to figure out their limitations. The way of using the power as I described it should still be within canon limits (say Jake morphs Marco and vice versa, then they pretend to be each other while also thought-speaking to each other), and it's not 100% how it's used in the fanfic, but I think it's worth reading to see how it ends up getting applied.
Yes, Remnants was so awesome. It's been a very long time and I never finished the series, but the image of waking up on a space ship and seeing your parents reduced to Swiss cheese by worms has been fried into my brain. It would be perfect for a SYFY TV series.
Try to read that one in grade school I made it as far as the dolphin worm and then I had to stop.
Then sometime later, when I was probably 17 I read them all, amazing series.
That part where they all lived in their little houses on the island with mother giving them pretty much anything they wanted still haunts me. I remember Othello in senior year literature being much more interesting because of those books, since I had a notion of what to expect from a certain character.
Have you read the Metamorphosis? All it needs is holo cover of a guy turning into a cockroach through the weirdest stages possible and it would be the adultest of animorphs.
Nah, I feel they hold up pretty well. A bit dated at this point in cultural references, but the core (characters & issues) are fine. The one thing that will surprise you is how short they are; you can read through them really fast.
In which sense? Not sure if you're talking about the backstory of the species, which is really just incredibly well-done (as is the Yeerks, to be honest). There's actual depth to even the worst of the antagonists, which is really great at selling the overall gray area of the series where nothing is clear cut.
I basically mean backstory yeah. I always liked how as the series progressed the Hork-Bajir went from being the Koopa Troopas of the Yeerk army to being these really fleshed out characters that you feel sorry for and start to root for by the end of the series.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:33:40 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She is so amazingly good at writing aliens in general. A lot of them, by her own admission, started out as weird random visualizations and then became more fully-fleshed out. She's so good at balancing humor and seriousness, too -- eg, the Skrit Na riff off the "flying saucer" imagery of pop culture aliens
I was smack dab in the age range for all of the books when they came out so I think I own all of them. Even the two Choose Your Own Adventure books that I think even as a child I recognized as being not very good.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:50:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg the member berries just hit me. I had the one with the animorph who went evil and I think I died more times than I made it through. I wish I kept those darn books
There's always room to improve the collection :) If you want to go really deep, there's the different, non-glossy covers for the first like 5 books or so that are the first print run of the series.
Im not even sure if they still sold them when I was in elementary/middle school.
I'm a lot younger than the original demographic. I would look at the contests at the end of he books, get excited, then sadly realize that they ended the year I was born.
I already have a site for this bookmarked. I'm just better with paper books, because there are fewer distractions. Even then, I've been having a hard time keeping up with the reading I've wanted to. Besides, there are some series I want to finish before I get back to that. I don't like starting something when I haven't finished what I'm working on. Well, I do, but I'm trying not to so I could actually finish stuff.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:29:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The language itself can be dated, and the pacing is clearly YA, but the plot, characters, themes, etc. hold up shockingly well. There's a full set of ebooks out there if you google around.
I was really surprised by how well the PTSD themes were handled and how genuinely upsetting and despairing the depiction of infestation was. There's a much stronger horror vibe than I remembered and a lot more misery. The character arcs are well-executed too, everyone gets a trajectory through the series that progresses in a believable way. The high points are when you get books and chapters from the POV of the infested and look at the moral justifications for their parasitism and the war.
I was also surprised at the amount of really morbid stuff that's in there for a YA series. At one point the Yeerks force two humans to fuck against their will, they get annoyed at the brains of drug addicts and let them die, there's at least one explicit suicide attempt, humans held captive in breeding facilities, the disabled kids getting cooked alive, jamming thousands of humans into train cars headed for camps as Cassie talks about a second Holocaust... I didn't remember any of that.
The weak part is the stagnant portion between the original author leaving and the ending arc beginning, and the mediocre villain. Visser Three repeatedly attacking and retreating to attack another day is really cheesy, and they don't do much to make him three-dimensional. The characters at several points say that killing him would be futile because he'd just be replaced by another officer; it would've been interesting to see that actually happen.
Yeah, the quality (and especially rereadabiliaty) varies in the middle. The 20s, plus a few books on either side, are the high point in my opinion, then the 30s and early 40s are a bit of a slump with a few higher points. Once you hit 45, the endgame starts and things go to hell in all the best ways.
Yeah, for sure. There's a solid build-up and beginning, then the series treads water for ~15 books, but the final 4 or 5 books tell a really great final arc.
It's in the book "Visser", which tells the story of the first Yeerk on Earth, her exploration of the world, and her attempt to persuade her species to invade it -- and eventually, her infestation of Marco's mother and ascent to basically head of the armed forces. It has a number of the most brutal scenes in the series:
She infests a soldier in the Gulf War, but considers his brain ruined by PTSD, and dumps him in the desert to die
She infests a teenage girl, implied to be a prostitute, but is enraged by her brain's cocaine addiction and forces her to commit suicide
She infests a woman, lets her subordinate infest a man, and then they force the two to repeatedly have sex so they can experience it
The woman becomes pregnant, and they plan to pick a nice Yeerk to infest it from birth, so that the host brain will never know to fight back
That woman briefly seizes control of her own body and uses the opportunity to swerve into the path of a truck and kill herself
I don't know, it's a weird choice. He's in the book but only for about 1/10th of it. I'd guess either because he's the more famous villain, or because it's a more striking cover to put an obvious alien on, rather than a Yeerk (which just looks like a slug) or a human woman.
Do they never mention that he may get replaced by someone more competent?
NR258Y ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:10:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, I started reading them again after finding one in my local second hand store. I was really surprised how well it held up considering I hadn't read any (except the Andalite Chronicles, my favourite) since the series ended.
I like the rationalist fanfics, when they make all the characters (kids and aliens) a lot smarter and give them the intent to actually win. Tension goes through the roof. Visser Three cracks their true identities almost immediately. Even Crayak gets shrewd.
They absolutely hold up in overall narrative. Some of the ghostwritten ones are atrocious filler, but the core parts that make Animorphs Animorphs hold up really, really well. I have every book and re-read a few years ago, it was well worth it. Man, it goes dark.
I tried to re-read them a while back... The first time around, the gripping war story was enough to ignore the fact that it was written with preteens in mind (at least from a prose perspective). This time... Wasn't enough.
Not to say it's bad, just not really suitable for adults to read.
Qaeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, this is what I'm afraid of. Would rather have the memories, rather than destroy them trying to recapture them.
Some guy on /r/animorphs uploaded them all onto Google Drive. I re read them on car and train rides one summer. Seriously holds up well, as long as you skim through some of the middle of the series books
"What attacked from space? The friends do not know. They can only gather a hint of their presence from the underground bureaucracy the aliens built, city sized, under the friends' school, where the citizens of their town bend over a pool of ink to accept the aliens' thoughts inside their own head."
jwasko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My godmother (rest her soul) used to always mispronounce "Animorphs" as this when she watched me. I've been thinking of this lately but couldn't quite remember what she said. Thanks for the reminder.
I want Hideaki Anno. I feel like the guy responsible for Evangelion is gonna be one of the few that could nail both the "weird fucking aliens" stuff, and the "teenagers undergoing deep psychological suffering" aspect.
I completely agree and am a little surprised I never imagined how awesome a no-holds-barred Animorphs anime would be considering how often I look at Animorphs fan art.
Yeah, I think animation's the only way to go with Animorphs-- there's too much serialization for a movie and we've already seen that by necessity it'd be too effects-heavy to try a live action TV show and have it be any good.
So everyone wakes up stuck in their transformations and their family locks them in their rooms and conspires to get rid of them. If I could turn into an animal this would be the story of my life...
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:53:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I think about Animorphs books, I always remember them pretty fondly, until I circle back around to the fact that holy shit, those books are violent and get DARK.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy this. I read Animorphs as a kid and wasn't able to finish those books. I read Kafka and the writing just pulled me in and relaxed me and I felt good while reading him (I was conscious and aware of events while getting used to his writing). Having only read one book I would be attracted to more of his writing when knowing he wrote Animorphs.
My brain read Animaniacs. I thought that's odd, haven't heard an Animaniacs reference in ages... oh i'm mistaken. I look 6 posts down and it's titled "Animaniacs was the best" that's 7 hours old while this was only 2 hours old, yet I had been away from reddit all day so I wasn't primed to be thinking about Animaniacs. This concludes that your response was entirely the result of the Animaniacs post if your response made me think about what made you think about what you were thinking about. Legit.
I think I'm imagining a really rich ensemble cast of supernatural beings in India whose complex species politics (the vampires' internal strife amongst various covens, their united war against the werewolves, their shaky on-again-off-again alliance with ghosts, etc.) are a larger allegory for the difficult transition from colonial oppression to postcolonial self-fulfillment.
Why? (If you can forgive my ignorance; all I know is the poster of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in the rain.)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:12:06 on May 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kundera is incredibly philosophical and overtly sexual in nature. He makes quips about the nature of people and relationships - it would be incredibly interesting to see his take on a Sparks novel.
*On the unnecessarily verbose road that never ends because you won't finish this book unless someone is making you
...I'm not a big fan of Huxley's style is all lol.
[deleted] ยท 20182 points ยท Posted at 03:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet by Lemony Snicket.
Dear Viewer, If you entered this play with the hopes of seeing a light comedy, you would be better off searching elsewhere. This story may begin like a light comedy, when Romeo and Juliet meet and dance at Masquerade Ball, but don't be mistaken. If you know anything about the Montagues and Capulets, then you will know that no friendship between them will last. In fact, within these scenes, the couple must deal with the horrors of murderous in-laws, poisonous drinks, poetry, and mail arriving late. I am bound to tell the story of these tragic events, but you are free to exit this theatre and go to A Midsummer Night's Dream next week. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket
Or assume they're high comedy with no sexual undertones at all, and youd also be right! (Shakespear was a master at appealing to both the low classes and the nobility, often within the same jokes, as the nobility often wouldn't understand the slang used by the lower classes, so itd mean something entirely different to both groups)
I'm ashamed to say I haven't read much Shakespeare except for what they forced on me in high school, but that sounds hella interesting, any chance you can think of an example for me?
[deleted] ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 08:43:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the characters in Much Ado About Nothing is nicknamed Signior Montanto. A montanto is a fencing maneuver where a quick, upward thrust is delivered. It's considered a cheap shot in the dueling world (high class) and is another name for this motion (low class).
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 13:35:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even the title of that play is sexual innuendo. At the time, the word "nothing" was a slang term for vagina. So it means Much Ado About Pussy.
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 15:02:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And again, the joke goes two ways! In early modern English, "nothing" can be pronounced "noting", as in overhearing and taking note. A central element of the plot is eavesdropping.
Pretty much. Twelfth Night manages to have a subplot about a butler trying to become nobility by marrying up (haha! Those funny plebeians!) but also makes a "cunt"joke when he's reading a letter he thinks is from the lady he wants to marry.
Malvolio: (picking up the letter) By my life, this is my ladyโs hand these be her very Cโs, her Uโs and her Tโs and thus makes she her great Pโs!
nyanlol ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 09:22:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or just a really terrible pun that you can be certain made the entire cast groan when forced to say the lines out loud
My English teacher was half-impressed, half-disgusted when I was the first one in the class to get it. I still don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.
Dyvius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:43 on August 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite senior year literature assignment was taking segments from Othello and making them with modern speak. Pretty basic, but my group got the scene where the wives are gossiping about Othello and Iago.
So, of course I threw in the line "once you go black you never go back."
10/10 would say that line in front of a classroom full of my peers and the teacher again.
Don't be too quick to say that... this is Jude Law we're talking about here. Don't know many people that would pass up that opportunity, male or female.
Fucking Emmanuel Lubezki was the cinematographer. He's won a million awards. He's done every Terrence Malick film since The New World, he did The Revenant and Birdman, Gravity and Children of Men. People can say what they want about that film but goddamn it had the best cinematographer a movie could have.
The story was just too chopped up. I've never read the books, but the plot of the film was just fucking everywhere, it was impossible to care about anything that was happening because it all flew by so fast.
But the cinematography was outstanding, the characters were fun, the sets were incredible.
They tried to jam in 3 books in one movie, so that's probably why it felt choppy.
Weird. That is the complete opposite of modern filmmaking logic. Typically it is closer to "Why waste a good book on only one movie? Cut it in half so we can have a sequel!"
I think they felt like there wasn't enough substance with each book to make a full length movie out of just one. If you read atleast the first 4 books, you'll zoom through them very quickly because of how short they are. I'm honestly surprised they didn't try to make a franchise out of the series. Seems like such a wasted opportunity.
True, but there's also 13 books in the series, and cramming 3 or 4 books into one movie was probably easier than having 13 movies. It was also made by Nickelodeon, and I don't think they intended to make a Series of Unfortunate TV Episodes haha
Well "modern" is as in the last 10 years or even more recent. That wasn't a thing 13 years ago as much as it is now with the "Parts" of movie.
cd2220 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:20:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill give you that. Having read most of the series there was just too much to be cut up like that, and the ending with the wedding was actually the end of the first book, or the book the first part of the movie was about.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I read all the books almost a decade ago, I really enjoyed the movie tbh. I know they couldn't add more than a few books into a 2 hour movie (or however long it is) and I understand they'd chang stuff as is done with every movie version of a book(s). Now the Netflix series, I haven't seen any of it and honestly I don't care to. Not that it looks bad, I just don't want to put the effort into watching an entire series on A Seies of Unfortunate Events. But honestly, the cast doesn't look like they'd do as well as the cast from the movie did. I can't see what's his name being Count Olaf, but I can see Jim Carry doing so, even if I hadn't already seen the movie.
I originally didn't want to watch the show either. I couldn't really see Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf, but I do like his acting overall, so I ended up watching it. At some point in the first episode, NPH has Olaf sort of break his act and the "real" Olaf shines through, and it was just hilarious to me for some reason. Looking for small moments like that kept me coming back for the rest of the episodes.
The actors that play Violet and Klaus in the show are, in my opinion, almost completely replicating the movie actors' portrayals of the characters. The line delivery and mannerisms of the show actors are very similar to the movie actors'. There's something both flat and endearing about them. A large percentage of Sunny's screen time is CGI in later episodes, and for some reason her babble was dubbed. I don't really have anything to say for her.
cd2220 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:19:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna have to say that's in your opinion because I fucking hated that movie when I was a kid and watching it now. Just my opinion though. I think NPH fucking nails the role.
I love how they have him interjecting as he's escaping from wherever he currently is, as if he feels it to be so important that he clarify but still needs to get away from whoever's chasing him.
I love Patrick Warburton and his voice but it's not how I imagined Lemony Snicket's voice would be when I watched the show and I was kind of disappointed. I always imagined Snicket as having a quieter smaller-dude type of voice.
I imagined it as a more melancholic, American version of my primary school headmaster. Ultimately sounded not far off from what Snicket actually sounds like.
But now it's totally Patrick Warburton for me. The more old timey accent and pronunciation fits perfectly with what I had imagined and updates it totally.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:38:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went in with very low hopes after the first dump that came to be... This one, Neil Patrick Harris holds much better a character and it isnt focused on him. I like this version.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:40:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...I enjoyed the Jim Carrey version...
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:04:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's cool. I just felt it didn't stick to the true books and focused on Jim Carrey as an actor. Plus, the movie format didn't really work and rushed through a bunch of stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:13 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Valid for the first point since I didn't read the books.
Personally I don't think the second point should apply. Movies could never match up to their novel equivalent. If Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire was accurate to the books it would be like 15 hours long!
The only ones that do a decent job is Game of Thrones and they use 1 HOUR LONG SHOWS FOR A WHOLE SEASON FOR ONE BOOK.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:08 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was pretty terrible though. It skipped most of the books or briefed over them in a couple minutes. They should have done a mini series or seasons like Netflix is doing. Honestly the Netflix series seems to match perfectly with the books so far.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:27 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that's just asking for a lot, you realize that it came out like 13 years ago? What other book series had a whole series dedicated to it?
It's not really fair to compare the two, you wouldn't compare the gold medalist in long jumping from the like, 1920s to one from today. They're just working with different resources and in a different competition.
Again, I can't really speak for this series, but trying to relate more to the HP books since I used to be pretty into that and had the same it's not the same as the books attitude about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This series had the longest book just around 200 if I recall correctly. It is by no means close to HP or any other novels. The writing style was just great with the third person narration, like a play really.
To be fair, Shakespeare does open Romeo and Juliet with exactly this. The prologue in which they are referred to "star-cross'd lovers" is basically telling the audience that the following story is going to end badly.
Ironically, this is fairly similar to how Romeo and Juliet actually begins.
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
It's not ironic, it's deliberate. OP rewrote the prologue as Lemony Snicket might write it for a modern-day audience. The content is tweaked slightly -- includes the ball, excludes explicit mention of the deaths -- but that's just to make it a better adaptation.
Unless it happens to be Joseph Conrad's version of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Much darker. Much more racial tension between the humans and the fairies.
I really dont feel that its a comedy as it doesnt really follow the comedy tropes of that time period. All of shakespeares actual comedies do follow those tropes. I cant remember all of them, but typically comedies end in weddings, and r+j obviously does not
If you ever listen to the Series Of Unfortunate Events audiobook, they are all done by Tim Curry, and he is just as funny as you would expect him to be.
In fact, Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is pretty much a cover in this sense, as are all of his other plays. The plot comes mainly from Brooke's The Tragical History of Romeus and Juliet, which itself is a translation of an Italian tale etc etc. This was pretty common at the time since the Renaissance era was less obsessed with what we call "originality" today, but more with the adaptation and perfection of something that already exists in some form (this is ofc a huge generalization).
Howard Phillips Lovecraft Presents the Queer Case of one Harold Potter
The book is 220 pages long and ends with Harry seeing Voldemort on the back of that guy's head, taking a gun from Hagrid, and blowing his own brains out.
Wezbob ยท 3812 points ยท Posted at 03:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the twelfth toll of the dilapidated clock on the wall outside his cell marked the first hour of his eleventh year, young Harold Potter sat upright in his nightclothes. Eyes wide and soaked through with sweat he tried to burn the gibbering pnakotic half-things that haunted his dreams of late away by lighting the only candle his captors allowed. His labored breathing slowed as the flickering light danced on the wall of the space beneath the stairs at 4 privet drive.
The solace of the dancing shadows would prove to be fleeting however, as it was only mere hours before the winged harbinger of magicks beyond description arrived, screeching and flapping, and marking the end of youthful innocence and the dark shapes and mutterings of a child's ignorant nightmares.
After this day, the visions that haunted Potter's sleep would coalesce into a singular, tangible horror that ubeknownst to him, had on one occasion already almost taken his life...
As a non-native speaker of the English language who's reading Lovecraft for the first time, in English, I must say that this here reads exactly like his work. I must confess that many times my brain hurts when I'm reading his tales because of how he uses some words and phrasings that are not very used nowadays.
I don't think it's that bad. Poe has a similar style but when I read it I often have no fucking idea what he's saying and just keep reading going "uh huh..".
He is an excellent writer but it is an outdated style which has been mocked a lot as purple prose. That means something which is overly extravagant to the point where it almost starts to not make any sense anymore.
Wezbob ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 04:49:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The slippery muse takes me every so often with the right inspiration. Last time it was that silly 'octopus stuffed in a turkey' photo that circulates every halloween/thanksgiving.
I think potter would get exponentially harder as it went on, having to work in the ensemble of characters would be difficult, as conversation and character development were never strong points in Lovecraft. The main character rarely has an arc and usually goes insane or is torn asunder in less than 50 pages.
I think if you did the whole series in the form of letters, like how that one about the farmer was written, you could convey a lot of the story in a dreadful manner without having to do much characcter development.
I know how you feel! For me, whenever I attempt to sit down and write something with a coherent storyline or plot that I needed to be aware of well in advance, I can't write a single word. However, if I am just winging it and don't care if anything makes sense or if it meshes within some larger plot. Everything clicks into place and I can put down some almost enjoyable prose. I imagine this is what happened to George RR Martin.
Placing some constraints on what you write may promote creativity. But having a rulebook kills it dead.
My problem is I can world build like a champ but I have no plot, nor am I interested in plots. I want to write character development heavy stuff where next to nothing actually happens like Austen, lol.
"Those who study alchemy and the ragged edge where science brushes against the otherworldly energies must be cold and emotionless; Professor Severus Snape was neither but burned with a secret passion beneath his cold exterior, which damned him and drove him to madness..."
Perfect. I tried so damn hard to get through 'The Call Of Cthulhu' the other week. I tried. I wanted to love it. But it was such a freaking workout for my brain - I had to stop and analyze every single sentence and after like, twenty five pages I was just exhausted and I didn't even remember what I'd read on the last ten.
Just want to point out "ubeknownst" 'cause I am that guy.
Wezbob ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 06:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it after the edit timeout and tortured myself for a minute about which was worse, the edit asterisk or your inevitable arrival. I figured a word that wasn't real summoning an unspeakable horror was appropriate, steeled myself for your prophesied coming, and waited, dreaming.
SkipsH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...but at least he didn't live with the foreign family down the street.
04pags ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:28:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit is this similar to something I could find in a Lovecraft work? Because I'm definitely interested
Wezbob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:48:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say it's the lovecraft equivalent of one of those theme songs that is meant to sound like another movie. Succinct and identifiable, derivative but not wholly accurate.
Lovecraft rambles often, hence my run on sentences, and he does love not describing his horrors directly, but rather with muttering, slithering, cyclopean adjectives that leave a lot to the imagination. He's also rather racist, as his time.
The nice thing is, a lot of his works were magazine pieces and are thus short, so, see for yourself, they're easy to find online.
It is neither and it isn't a summoning spell, either. Cthulhu's worshipers in The Call of Cthulhu story chant "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" ("In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.")
It's not a summoning spell so much as it's a statement of fact. Like a Catholic saying, "Jesus loves you," or something like that.
elfam ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:38:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for writing this all out. No one else had it right, and for other people reading this, the language is just human approximations of inconceivable noises.
Jon76 ยท 262 points ยท Posted at 03:01:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also known as:
Tulu, Clulu, Clooloo, Cthulu, Cthullu, C'thulhu, Cighulu, Cathulu, C'thlu, Kathulu, Kutulu, Kthulhu, Qโthulu, K'tulu, Kthulhut, Kulhu, Kutunluu, Ktulu, Cuitiliรบ, Thu Thu, High Priest of the Great Old Ones, The Great Dreamer, The Sleeper of R'lyeh
There's so many alternatives because they're all just approximations. We can't pronounce the real thing.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
evlbb2 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:38:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if he did, they aren't in any state to tell us about it. If he wrote it down, it's probably locked in a box somewhere and never to be opened again. Just in case, don't go poking around any boxes you find around the south pacific eh?
Yeah Metallica intentionally chose the alternate spelling of Ktulu for their song Call Of Ktulu as it wouldn't be ripping off the title of the book, but also not be technically wrong.
It's not a spell. Nothing we humans do could hope to have any effect on the behavior of Cthulhu.
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." ("In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.") is just a prayer or chant, used by the Cthulhu Cultists to give recognition that Cthulhu is somewhere on Earth, waiting to awaken when the stars are right.
"fthagn" means "sleeps" or "waits". Potteru is a bastardization of Potter.
Thus, "Potter Sleeps". And should he awaken... the world shall never be the same.
No, really. Even by standards of the time he was horrifically racist, like he viewed the apocalypes as an invasion by the 'yellows' (asians), or that it was so horrifying to cause suicide that the white man came from a black man mating with a white gorilla.
Rats in the Walls is the first Lovecraft story I ever read, I had no clue what it was about, and I also happen to have had an unreasonable fear of cannibalism. So that was a nice coincidence.
I wouldn't say quite obscure! It seems to be in a few compilations. Definitely one of my favourite Lovecraft stories though, genuinely gave me the spooks.
When I speak of poor Norrys they accuse me of a hideous thing, but they must know that I did not do it. They must know it was the rats; the slithering, scurrying rats whose scampering will never let me sleep; the daemon rats that race behind the padding in this room and beckon me down to greater horrors than I have ever known; the rats they can never hear; the rats, the rats in the walls.
Way ahead of you! Took 80 or 90 hours because I wasn't being as careful as I could have been, but I got all the way through. I'll probably go for a second run after the DLC comes out.
Clever.
For those who don't know, a character in one of lovecraft's stories had a cat named "niggerman"
H.P. Lovecraft was a white supremacist.
Though he later married a Jew.
Merlord ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 03:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Niggerman in that story was actually named after his own cat.
Merlord ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 04:03:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, he wrote great stories but boy was he racist. In Herbert West: Reanimator, he describes the cadaver of a black man as having "arms so long I dare call them forelegs"
[deleted] ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 04:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being a bit lenient with the term racism really. My dad's a horrible racist but he wouldn't approve of the KKK or Nazis, he's also majorly xenophobic but it's cos he doesn't like other races. It's racism.
I enjoy the hell out of Lovecraft's stuff and I can excuse that the time was obviously a more racist time, but he was definitely a racist. He made it clear that he saw other races as being different, and calling his own cat a racial slur could easily be perceived as him thinking a black person is on the same social standing as an animal.
For sure he wasn't aggressively racist or particularly hateful with it, but the prejudices were definitely there.
Which could be excusable in 1902, when he read a bunch of scientific literature on the subject that claimed there was objective evidence for the superiority of the white race and the inferiority of others. The problem was, Lovecraft was still 1902-style racist in 1930.
Also, while it's true that Lovecraft hated the KKK and the Nazis (but more because they were populist rabble-rousers than because of their attitude towards minorities) he actually wrote a poem about how the Union's foolish liberation of the black slaves had doomed the black race to extinction. He even said it was against God's Will, which was hilarious given that Lovecraft never believed in any god other than Zeus.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By 1930, racism was popular, but it wasn't widely accepted by the scientific community anymore. Eugenics wasn't considered the cutting edge anymore.
You will doubtless bring up Nazi Germany at this point, to which I will reply that it should not surprise you that the Nazis were working off discredited theories.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Merlord ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:02:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the one hand yes, you have to consider the world he grew up in. There really weren't many white people in 1890 who wouldn't be called racists by modern standards. But at the same time, you're risking making excuses for racism, which is not cool. I prefer to just steer clear of any moral judgement of the guy and enjoy his works for what they are.
I wouldn't say acknowledging context is the same as making excuses, although I do see your point. Honestly, OP's comment is so well written I think it would be hard to take it as an excuse for Lovecraft's racism. It's moreso an explanation of his biases.
Racism was so weird back then. Completely unashamed and uncontroversial. Much less angry and not even strongest among the poor and uneducated whites but a wholesome thing men and women of all ages were comfortable expressing in public.
It was more of a rebuke against colonialist powers for reaping the benefits of colonialism without doing anything real to help the native population in exchange, particularly aimed at the United States in the Philippines at the time. It was a reminder that as heirs to a legacy of knowledge and power that gave them in insurmountable advantage over the natives of many non-Western countries, if white people were going to galavant about the world pursuing wealth they had a duty to bring the spark of enlightenment with them, hence the title "White Mans Burden". It's basically an old-timey, fair-for-its-day-but-still-racist version of "With great power comes great responsibility."
Lovecraft was almost comically racist, even for the time he was living in. His prose is fantastic and he's one of my favorite authors, but it's insane how afraid of brown people and even "decadent" white people he was.
More of an english supremecist really. Supposedly The Shadow over Innsmouth (where the main character discovers that his family has secretly interbred with monsterous fishmen and he is slowly turning into a monster) was inspired by finding out that his grandfather was welsh.
There's also a story where a dutch family from before New York was conquered by England turn into cannibalistic cave dwellers due to being cut off from the cultural influence of England.
Yeah, that made me raise an eyebrow a bit, but the story with the reanimated black guy (because electricity and chemicals work differently if you or your recent ancestors were from Africa) seemed... a bit worse. I can't recall the name of the story, though.
Still, Lovecraft is damn good at moving a tone from unease, to dread, to horror.
True story - when we take pictures of our jewelry we use sheet music, books, maps, and pretty paper as alternative backgrounds to the plain white. My business partner had just been gifted a leather-bound, gold edged collection of Lovecraft.
She opened it to a random page and took pictures of a winged steampunk pendant. While editing the photos, she realized the cat's name was prominently in the background...
There would definitely be a cat named "Mudblood-Man."
:edit for the unaware:
As I have said, I moved in on July 16, 1923. My household consisted of seven servants and nine cats, of which latter species I am particularly fond. My eldest cat, "Nigger-Man," was seven years old and had come with me from my home in Bolton, Massachusetts ..."[12]
Well I think you are a perfectly adequate Harry Potter fan <3
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:27:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:55:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel the same way about Roald "even a stinker like Hitler didn't just pick on them for no reason" Dahl and L. Frank "the best safety of the frontier settlements will be secured by the total annihilation of the few remaining Indians" Baum.
I, being a white dude, have the luxury of not having the casual racism directed at me personally, but in a few of his stories the comments he makes about certain black people is so incredibly offensive I have laughed out loud at the story and I have to say it took me out of it a bit.
Yet I still prefer his work to Robert Heinlein and his depictions of women. At least Lovecraft was a different breed of racist who found black people to be fascinating, terrifying and almost mystical set pieces rather than really boring caricatures that the whole plot revolves around. Sure, they were subhuman to him, but Lovecraft's views were so impossible and over-the-top deplorable that it kinda added to the spookiness.
I wish I could, I noticed a lot of "ooga booga brown people voodoo" theme, I brought it up to a well-read friend and he told me "oh yeah, HP was racist as fuck"
Like I love the setting that HP set up, and I got into it because of Darkest Dungeon, but the racism/subtle misogyny really pulls me out of it.
It's exactly what made lovecraft such a horrid person that may have been a boon to his horror. He was a terrified, timid man. Scared of everything around him, racist, misogynist, antisemitic, there was nothing out there, it seems that didn't at least make him uncomfortable. And as such, I think he really could grasp this sense of deep unrest, of things being so skin crawlingly uneasy that it causes you to go mad - obviously his discrimination was less severe than this. There are certainly better ways to get in touch with this kind of fear that don't make you a horrid racist, but I think his writings are really how he felt about the world and universe
Hah, interesting. I was more responding to the mention of a "'brown people voodoo' theme" being the specific problem, when he was really racist against pretty much everyone who isn't an upperclass englishman.
Have you read A Shadow Over Innsmouth or The Dunwich Horror? He definitely didn't have a good outlook on the poor rural and fishing communities of New England, often describing them as a disgusting culture of "decadence and inbreeding," I believe were the terms.
I'm not saying he wasn't racist. I'm replying to someone who said he was racist against people who weren't an upperclass Englishman. I'm talking about that statement.
Yea I first heard about his views after reading an article about a young black girl who won some art/literature award and the statue was of Lovecraft's bust or something and she had recently found out about HPs racism in his stories. I wonder if they ever changed the reward statue.
I'm also mixed and kind of just learned to take the racism for what it is and move past it. Lovecraft was more racist than the average person at the time and his fear of foreigners and minorities pervades a huge amount of his work. But that being said his bigotry isn't usually the central focus of his stories and if you can learn get past it most of his stories are pretty great
f you can learn get past it most of his stories are pretty great
But why would you? There is no shortage of great books and other media to get into (even tons of eldritch horror if that's your poison) and really time is so limited that there's no way you can read it all so why use up your limited time on someone who's views you find reprehensible?
Because imo there's nothing that measures up to it. Plenty of eldritch horror has been written since Lovecraft, but he's still the OG and in my experience no one has been able to do cosmic horror and despite his views he's probably my favorite author. It's a bummer but sometimes very shitty people are very talented, and if you can't get past that you miss on some amazing art
"Let me tell you a story about a terrible nephew of mine who lived under the staircase as he deserved, until he threatened to kill me over it. So this hellish nephew of mine, who ended up killing himself, as he should've, after pissing off the unspeakable horror that killed his parents.
It all started 17 ruddy years ago during my perfect son's 12th or something birthday, we had gotten him a generous amount of presents and of course that venom blooded scurge from my sister in law's loins was jealous because he never got presents, obviously. Being the nice guardians to this ingrate that we were, we offered to take him to the zoo, and what does he do, he talks to a snake and orders it to try and kill our wonderful, cherub of a son.
Turns out, this putrid spawn of Satan was a magic casting wizard, like the harlot that was his mother. I'll tell you what though, when his invitation to a school for whores and degenerates came in the mail, we of course destroyed it. However after days of destroying new letters day after day, one of those days those terrorist filths from the axis of magic decided to bombard my wonderful house with these abominable letters.
So of course we did the one thing that every good parent does and moved to a light house in the middle of goodness knows where - which given how barren of life it was, we were probably in Scotland. Then, on a night housing an ominous full moon, a lightning storm swept the lands, the front door exploded into splinters and who, nay, what stood there was a giant indescribable monstrosity who brutalised my son, who never did one thing wrong in his whole life, and set the poor child on fire. It then spoke intelligible gibberish to my wife and I, which clearly made her distressed - almost zombie-like honestly.
That nephew of mine, the evil incarnate that he was, of course frolicked yonder with that fowl beast, happy as I'd ever seen him, off to learn those devilish incarnations. My beautiful wife, astray from reality, grabbed a charred bone once belonging to our spectacular, determined, genius son, and thrusted it into her jugular, I watched her bleed to death - she made no noise, not even a whimper or a goodbye.
I knew he would return, he would pretend to be my nephew, and I his uncle and I would play that part, get close to him, and one day, I will do unto him as he did unto me. I would end that Harold Potter, even if I went mad."
The gibbous moon rose over the eldritch cottage surrounded on either side by the roaring charnel seas. The foetid stench of the lumbering giant lingered in the air as he pressed his dank feet onward, as if moved by a daemoniac force beyond comprehension, marching toward the defenseless boy.
"Y'er a wizard, Harry!"
The effulgence of the dawning realization struck the boy's mind as one of maddening, inconceivable implication that he too was as abnormal as the antediluvian creature standing before him.
Personally, I think the writing style can be extremely difficult to read through. I love the ideas, and I think they carry his writing if you can get through the sale.
Well, if HP wrote it, then it would be 300 pages of some anonymous third party vaguely retelling something "really really awful..."
So I don't think so. The point of the thread it's in the writer's own style, and 300 words obviously would not be in HP's, despite what the poster said.
I think it's more just people who haven't read Lovecraft giving their mistaken impression of what a Lovecraft story would be.
An exchange student who's taking a semester teaching abroad at Hogwarts. An American graduate student from Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachusetts.
ENKC ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:10:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His longest work was only around 50,000 words, so it wouldn't be 300 pages.
I tried getting into Lovecraft once, but the amount of times he describes things as "indescribable" really turned me off.
Like, man, you're the author! It's your job to describe things to me, otherwise I have not idea what I'm supposed to be picturing. It doesn't convey horror, it just feels like a lazy cop out.
You're not supposed to picture anything. The point of the vast cosmic horrors of Lovecraft are that they're beyond human comprehension and description. In other places he's very specific about what certain creatures, locales look like.
Exactly. When he says indescribable, he is describing things to you to the best of his ability within the confines of the work.
He means, literally, completely alien to the point of having no reference points within our limited language to even attempt to describe.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That phrase you wrote is usually how things are described. Very few things are written as "indescribable". He goes to great lengths to point out how alien these things are.
My thoughts exactly. He goes into great detail in The Shadow Over Innsmouth (with a lot of it in slurred old sailor talk no less), but his descriptions of things as "indescribable" can almost paint as bright a picture.
While I understand where you are coming from, Lovecraft is one of the most vividly descriptive authors I have ever read. He paints some pretty lurid, strange scenes with his stories, and I feel like he had the right to use the word "indescribable" because of how descriptive he could be.
His work is all about the indescribable. Horrors beyond our comprehension. Things so awful that our own imagination could never come close to what the writer is actually seeing.
It may sound like a lazy cop out, and perhaps it is. But many feel that it makes the horror much more terrifying.
Some things are indescribable though, by definition.
Some of my favorite Wikipedia articles are the ones on really gigantic numbers that describe them as unfathomably large, and then have a note at the bottom rigorously justifying that fact
I would say they are very detailed, if it isn't described explicitly it's supposed to be outside of human comprehension basically. That was my take anyway.
Honestly most of Lovecraft's works were only in the 10-50 page lengths. They were mostly serials for magazines. He had a few much more recognizable stories that were in the 150-300 page ranges, At the mountains of Madness comes to mind. And most of the dialog in his stories was descriptors. That's part of what makes Lovecraft one of my favorite authors, but also what makes it so hard to read sometimes because it can seem so dry.
220 pages is way too long for anything from Lovecraft. At The Mountains of Madness is probably his longest story and I don't believe that is even 100 pages.
Well, he'd been slowly working towards making longer stories on average as time passed. Even though if we consider his financial situation, I doubt he'd have survived much longer or been able to write longer stories even if he hadn't gotten cancer.
Isn't that the point he's trying to relay? Life having a satisying resolution is not something you should readily expect in the eyes of Lovecraft. And in the frame of Harry Potter and it's narrative, that would be interesting indeed.
They book is 700 pages long and he spends an irresponsible amount of time explaining the harsh summer weather. The book ends with Voldemort being shot in the head and Ron dying of combat wounds. No one learns anything and the clandestine military wizards go on to fight another bad guy two hours later.
Have you read any of his earlier stuff? Before he just handed everything off to ghost writers?
I mean he takes forever to get to the point, but the end of Sum of All Fears is absurdly tense. And I maintain that Red Storm Rising is one of the best military fiction books out there.
There are three books that blow me away, Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games, and Red Storm. Sum of all fears is boring as fuck for 80% and excellent for the last portion.
After that it all goes sideways. Especially as he hands off more and more to ghost writers who are way to drunk on american ooooh ra.
Is Harry blowing out Voldemort's brains or Hagrid's or his own?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:59:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His own, probably. Being mentally broken is more H.P. Lovecraft territory, while blowing out Voldemort's brains is more Robert E. Howard territory.
Sojio ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His use of magic slowly causes his features to change. He slowly goes mad, the veil that is Hogwarts is slowly lifted. Over the course of the book, Slowly but surely, he loses the fight against his yearning for the dark mountains to the east.
Lol at the idea of H.P. Lovecraft writing anything that was 220 pages long.
Edit: If anyone's wondering, the longest single piece of fiction Lovecraft ever wrote was The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, clocking in at an unreadable 128 pages.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:31:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking of Lovecraft...
Mark Z. Danielewski's Miskatonic Archives
Volume 1: The Call of Cthulhu
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit can you imagine if thats how the movie was but the book was normal? That would've been historic levels of what the fuck that teenagers would learn about in American history class.
Read Witches Hollow by HP Lovecraft to get a sense of how a family of wizards exists in his world. A family of wizards named Potter, and one of their sons is named Harold. I'm 80% sure it's a coincidence, but cool nonetheless.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:52:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even worse: the Marquis de Sade recounts what happened to the Longbottoms.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HAHA
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have a couple short stories slowing revealing that we the muggels are an under class to a magic group of wizards who will mess with people's sanity just to drag an prospective wizards to their school.
One wizard, Voldemort, tried taking wizarding into the real world but was killed many times as punishment.
That's all pretty much actual Harry Potter though.
I am pretty sure that harry is not a short form of Harold but of henry.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harold struggled to find pleasant slumber in the musty cyclopean tower that had become his home. He was haunted by visions of the unspeakable horror that he had witnessed, the blasphemous rite that had so cruelly claimed the life of his mother. He could hear the crashing of the waves against his island prison, the ocean stirred into life by the frenzied storm outside.
Suddenly, a booming knock sounded on the sodden oak door, filling Harold with a sense of dread. Vernon rose to his feet and grabbed his rifle with his shivering hands. He opened his mouth to call out to the intruder, but before the words could leave his lips, the door burst from its hinges as though assaulted by an abhorrent magick.
A towering silhouette could be seen in the doorway, its head obscure'd by the door frame due to the sheer size of the beast. It ducked under the door frame and lumbered into the faint light emitted by the candle. Harold gasped and gazed upon the loathsome man - the man that had so often plagued his nightmares. The man held in his misshapen hand an umbrella, too tattered to be of any conventional use but ended with a sinister bloody point that revealed the true nature of the tool.
I'm sure that's a common combo, makes perfect sense. Fantastic Beasts with a hard R, maybe? I barely have enough free time to read published books though, so fanfic isn't really something I'm into or could be.
The manuscript would be a half finished 16 page fragment dug out of the trash by his editor. Harry would be of a sickly nature and take a holiday from his loathsome step family of mongrel descent (read; anyone lovecraft didn't think was pale and sickly enough to be white) at his long distance penpals dilapidated college/satanic bdsm sacrifice site. Hijinx ensue.
Seriously, imagine if Harry had used a gun with one hand. Not even Voldemort could act quick enough to block that shit.
Also if Voldemort were real he would be using our nukes against us.
I fucking loved Harry Potter and other fantasy books but when I got to ASOIAF it was amazing to read fantasy that seemed "realistic" and didn't have any plot holes.
If anyone else has any recommendations for more books like this that would be awesome. I'd really like to read a book like HP that has magic in a modern world but thinks this shit out so that after accepting magic is real the events still seem plausible.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:34:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehh. You don't need to say the spell to cast it. In their sixth year, Snape teaches the trio to cast some spells wordlessly. Any half-way competent wizard who passed his sixth year at Hogwarts should be able to cast simple spells (such as one to reverse the directions a bullet goes in such that it kills the shooter or one to jam a gun) at about the same speed as it takes to pull a trigger.
Also if Voldemort were real he would be using our nukes against us.
The Order of the Phoenix has placed people like Kingsley in high positions in the muggle government to ensure shit like this doesn't happen. Also, I don't think Voldemort ever wanted to kill all muggles. He wanted to "purify" magical Britain.
I'd really like to read a book like HP that has magic in a modern world but thinks this shit out so that after accepting magic is real the events still seem plausible.
Ra by Sam Hughes. Available online for free on the official site here: https://qntm.org/ra. Even has epubs you can freely download.
Ehh. You don't need to say the spell to cast it. In their sixth year, Snape teaches the trio to cast some spells wordlessly. Any half-way competent wizard who passed his sixth year at Hogwarts should be able to cast simple spells (such as one to reverse the directions a bullet goes in such that it kills the shooter or one to jam a gun) at about the same speed as it takes to pull a trigger.
You still need to flourish your want and think the spell. Takes much more time than pulling a trigger
The Order of the Phoenix has placed people like Kingsley in high positions in the muggle government to ensure shit like this doesn't happen.
So are you implying that there were assaults on military facilities that were successfully defended by the OOTP?
Also, I don't think Voldemort ever wanted to kill all muggles. He wanted to "purify" magical Britain.
This just opens up more questions. Was Voldemort only specific to Britain? When he successfully took over the ministry of magic were there no alliances from other countries to come in and depose him? Why weren't wizards that gave up on fighting moving to other countries where Voldemort had no influence?
There's tons of stuff like this that I could go on and on about, but to be clear I don't fault Rowling for this, even though adults like them they are still books for children/young adults and those definitely don't need to outstanding realism.
Ra by Sam Hughes. Available online for free on the official site here: https://qntm.org/ra. Even has epubs you can freely download.
Thanks!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:03:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You still need to flourish your want and think the spell
You'll need to flourish your gun too. Not to mention aim properly. Wizards can put up area effect spells.
So are you implying that there were assaults on military facilities that were successfully defended by the OOTP?
Pretty much. I think that's what the beginning of HBP implied. Or there might not have been attacks at all.
When he successfully took over the ministry of magic were there no alliances from other countries to come in and depose him? Why weren't wizards that gave up on fighting moving to other countries where Voldemort had no influence?
Fully agree with these points. I always thought that they should've arranged for muggleborns to go to France with Fleur's parents' help or something like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to mention His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman.
You've probably heard of it, but I highly suggest looking up Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. 2000 page rewrite of the first year, premise is that Harry is raised by petunia and a university professor instead of Veron, and is raised with muggle science knowledge. Wants to use science + magic to take over the universe. Very fun read.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did any of H.P. Lovecraft's characters actually kill themselves? I've mainly read the Dream Cycle and I don't remember any. Death, insanity, or worse as a result of hubris, I've seen, but not intentional suicide. Maybe that one guy in Dagon. Or the dude who rams his ship into Great Chthulu.
Zanai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was Dagon where the main character couldn't afford opiates to suppress his memories and stated that immediately after the recounting he would escape the only other way he could, a bullet to the brain.
No, they didn't AFAIK. Several do of course end up dying or clearly dying off-page. The again, Harry is a very special boy.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi, kids. We hope your enjoyed this Very Special Episode of BloodPooter, where we talked about the dangers of getting in a trash can and having your friends take turns setting your hair on fire. We know that it can be fun to fit in, but sometimes peer pressure can lead to some pretty dangerous stuff.
If you let being cool go to your head, before you know it, you and your friends could be sitting around a circle, using the blood of the innocent to have audience with Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. Just say Nyaaggn! to the ever-present drone of the idiot god Azatoth, as he stirs in his slumber at the center of all infinity. And try a healthy diet of fruits and vegetables to drown out the ceaseless drumming of the Outer Gods as they placate the boundless daemon-sultan, lest he depart his lightless vaults and consume us all.
I imagine this having terrible production values and airing on something like an ISIS channel, where instead of "Jihad Goofy" teaching children about the Caliph and the infidel, a man in a trash bag supposed to be Nyarlathotep leads new child cultists into a bombed out Taco Bell to pledge themselves eternally and forever to Yog Sothoth, which is just a bunch of birthday balloons with spaghetti hanging off it, hovering over a dirty puddle.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but remember on that episode, how the building was significantly larger on the inside than it should have been? And how none of the children came back out?
I didn't like the constant piping flute music, though. It was a bit droning.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bitch I am halfway through "Charles Dexter Ward" you better not have spoiled anything for me.
taking a gun from Hagrid, and blowing his own brains out.
I've always felt like Voldemort and the Death Eaters got plot armor thanks to the series being set in the UK where firearms are next to nonexistent. Place that story in the US and somebody just shoots his ass. Good luck casting a spell for a bullet you won't even hear until there's a hole in you.
Tesrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. I keep telling my boss that Voldemort's end game was weak and would have been a lot better had he been a servant of one of the elder gods.
The muggle is fundamentally the biological inferior of all Wizard and even Half-blood races, and the Magical people must occasionally be reminded of the danger which they incur in admitting him too freely to the privileges of society and government. โฆAdvanced Potion Making, โฆ is said to furnish a remarkable insight into the methods of Slytheran, that noble but much maligned band of Wizards who saved half of Hogwarts from destruction at the close of the Second Wizarding War. Slytheran merely did for the wizards what Dumbledore refused to do, removing the magic wand from unfit hands and restoring to the victims of political vindictiveness their natural magical powers. The alleged lawbreaking of Slytheran was committed only by irresponsible miscreants who, after the dissolution of the House by its Grand Wizard, Voldemort, used its weird masks and terrifying costumes to veil their unorganised villainies.
Magical prejudice is a gift of Nature, intended to preserve in purity the various divisions of wizard and muggle kind which the ages have evolved.
Harry Phillips Lovecraft and the Unnamable Horrors From Beyond
Chapter 1- The Eldritch Letter
The queer events that preceded the young Harry Phillips Lovecraftโs disappearance from his New England home in the town of Arkham are known to few, and understood by far fewer. Indeed, the tales the boy had told upon his return gave credence to both the odd happenstance that had surrounded the boy for all his youth, and, conversely, to the theory that his imagination was at work in some boyish charlatanry. In the realm of certainty, when one lingers too long on a subject, it begins to fade into that much larger, looming realm of uncertainty. It is, therefore, the duty of the reader to discern whether these events are the fanciful imaginings of an adolescent mind, or a peek beyond that veil which science and
skepticism have so long tried to draw tight, for fear of their own
well-being.
On July 24, 1991, a letter arrived at the Phillips household. The boyโs grandfather and head of the house, Whipple, was away on business, and Harryโs own habits about the house were limited to ticking away on the old typewriter in the study and staring absently from the window in the upstairs sitting room at the sprawling city of Arkham beyond. As such, he was not nearby when a tawny owl dropped into the mail slot, with a peculiar deftness, a bit of wax-sealed parchment. It was midday when he happened by the door and saw his own name where the recipientโs would be. It bore no stamps, and it was not coupled with the other bits of mail, which would arrive in the afternoon. He cut the wax with a pen knife in his Grandfatherโs study, and for a reason he could not find the words describe, although he was possessed of the vocabulary and mannerisms of a boy much older than his eleven years could display (due in great measure to the seclusion he often sought within his grandfatherโs library), his small hands trembled with the action.
At the first line of the letter, the essential nature of his upbringing, which was comprised of those remnants of both an English ancestry and Yankee, Puritanical sentimentality, brought upon him such a chill that he could scarcely keep from shuddering and gasping aloud.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)
Dear Mr. Phillips Lovecraft,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.
Yours Sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Upon completing the letter, such a fit seized Harry that his breath grew shorter, and rather than endure further contemplation of such eldritch things as the letter suggested, his young body elected to crumple mercifully to a spell of fainting.
Today I sliced my finger open on a Walkman and it hurt and pulsed and for a second it was like a surge of redcoats pouring from the split skin. I am ill again. I imagine the soldiers' long-dead names rotting in my mouth, their berry-bright coats soaked in blood, my finger the beleaguered battlefield. In shop class we are still doing clocks, and I sulked and sighed at the ticking away of my life. All I can do is cradle my trepanned finger and wish to walk at night without fear or weapons. My tongue is my weapon and she is sharp. My teeth gleam in the darkness.
I didn't realize how big Ray Bradbury was (to be fair I don't read that much) until I watched antiques roadshow and I believe it was her mothers that was friends with him- and he had an autographed book by him.
But shucks I forgot how much it could've went for at auction
"We assumed in our example, that the value of the Green Eggs and Ham = ยฃ410 const. + ยฃ90 var. + ยฃ90 surpl., and that the capital advanced = ยฃ500. Since the surplus-value = ยฃ90, and the advanced capital = ยฃ500, we should, according to the usual way of reckoning, get as the rate of surplus-value (generally confounded with rate of profits) 18%, a rate so low as possibly to cause a pleasant surprise to Sam-I-Am and other harmonisers. But in truth, the rate of surplus-value is not equal to s/C or s/(c+v), but to s/v: thus it is not 90/500 but 90/90 or 100%, which is more than five times the apparent degree of exploitation. Although, in the case we have supposed, we are ignorant of the actual length of the working-day, and of the duration in days or weeks of the labour-process, as also of the number of Whos employed, yet the rate of surplus-value s/v accurately discloses to us, by means of its equivalent expression, surplus-labour/necessary labour the relation between the two parts of the working-day. This relation is here one of equality, the rate being 100%. Hence, it is plain, the Who, in our example, works one half of the day for himself, the other half for the capitalist."
What he commented barely classifies as hate speech. I hate Nazis too, I'm just not as blasรฉ with throwing around insults in so far that when I call someone a Nazi they're probably actually a Nazi. It was obviously meant in jest (not that I found it funny).
And what the fuck are you talking about! How is some dude making a crappy joke on reddit oppressive? How did this discussion turn into you inviting violence against others?
Get some perspective, Nazi jokes on reddit is not a big issue...
Edit: you don't think there's anything ironic with fighting 'fascism' by trying to oppress free speech? lol
"Fuck off Nazi" is more hate speech than what he said. He made a joke. You can think that joke is in bad taste. You can think that the subject matter shouldn't be joked about. You can hate the joke. But you can't accuse someone of Naziism based on on a that joke.
Wimopy ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:47:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one said anything supporting of Nazi ideals. Don't just strike down any conversation about something relating to the Nazis. That is counterproductive. Would you have people forget it happened?
Sure, jokes aren't the best form of remembrance, but they still serve a vital purpose.
And proposing to use violence against a group for their beliefs sounds familiar, doesn't it? For the greater good, even?
I'm not saying we should allow racism of any form, but what you are doing will just radicalise proponents and create more followers out of spite.
Violence won't remove the roots of an ideal.
What's the real answer to stop them from harming people, you may wonder?
Detaining them will get them supporters. Not doing anything allows harm.
The best thing would be people realising it's wrong and calling them out and stopping them if they cross a line, but that's very vague.
Naturally, long term solution is teaching people how and why it's wrong so that no one accepts it anymore, but that gives way to short term violence.
Either way, it's a hard topic and you should really take time to think about a proper solution.
P.S.: this reply got way out of hand.
TL;DR: violence not solution, complicated question. No short term answers.
Freedom of speech is protected by Article 40.6.1 of the Irish constitution. However the article qualifies this right, providing that it may not be used to undermine "public order or morality or the authority of the State". Furthermore, the constitution explicitly requires that the publication of "blasphemous, seditious, or indecent matter" be a criminal offence, leading the government to pass a new blasphemy law on 8 July 2009.
Well yeah, because of the IRA. You won't be arrested for for any of this unless you're IRA.
Also who cares about free speech when you guys get like 20 years for some weed? Fucking hilarious. But at least you can talk, but you can't fucking walk.
Because it's kind of important? Because it's a fundamental right? I'm not saying Ireland is communist (I guess you aren't a native English speaker, because I called you communist, not Ireland) but when you talk about how free speech doesn't matter you sure sound like a goddamn commie because that's the kind of fucked up shit communists say.
I was saying it's irrelevant in your country. We speak different English so I understand the confusion.
Like, who cares if you have free speech when you can be put in jail for 20+ years if you're caught with a joint? 4.4% of your population is in prison, slave labor. Talk free, not walk free.
In practice, you can say what you want in Ireland. But if you start a murdererous terror cult with your words (IRA etc) you will get in trouble.
So there is a good limit to free speech. You think radicalisation is good?
The term can ALSO be used to say whether dialogue sounds natural for a character. So, if you dub Sam L Jackson dialogue onto Rachel McAdams, it doesn't scan.
The other term we'd use is "parse" as in "does this idea parse?", which is "Would you understand this idea."
that usage of parse doesn't make sense to me. i understand it's lingo, but to say "does this idea parse?" is asking one to parse whether the idea 'parses', which is pretty out there.
When you bite them they flash light a little bit because of the chemistry of the flavoring. Try chewing one with your mouth open in a dark bathroom while looking in the mirror
And that meter is the moody catelectic trochaic tetrameter. A meter famously deployed by Shakespeare for supernatural subjects (witch's spell, fairies' spells, and the amazing "Phoenix and the turtle"โwhich if you haven't read, you should.)
There are small pauses in between I won't eat them compared to saying exploitation all together. I'm not sure if that fits with the scan thing, but it seems to make sense.
you can make almost anything 'scan' by changing your pronunciation so acting surprised when the verbiage flows is like acting surprised when a phone charger fits.
Exploitation is stressed-unstressed-unstressed-unstressed. "I won't eat them" is stressed-unstressed-stressed-unstressed. Say it out loud and listen to where the emphasis falls.
Exploitation is stressed-unstressed-stressed-unstressed.
The reason I Won't Eat Them sounds awkward has more to do with the fact that it stresses the wrong syllables in that sentence. It's not a very good example to show how exploitation fits well.
Dr. Seuss strictly uses a limited selection of poetic meters: basically, patterns of stressed and unstressed syllables. All poetic meters have two-part names: the first part describes what one iteration of the pattern looks like, and the second tells you how many iterations (called "feet") there are in a line. For instance, Shakespeare wrote in iambic pentameter: Five "iambs" per line, with one iamb being an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one.
By far the most common meter Dr. Seuss used was anapestic tetrameter. An anapest is two unstressed syllables followed by one stressed syllable, and tetrameter of course means you have four anapests per line. This is what gives most of his work that characteristic bouncing, lilting feel.
Some say his heart was two sizes too small
This poem, modeled after the one in Green Eggs and Ham, is set in trochaic tetrameter. A "trochee" is a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable.
Exploitation everywhere!
So! The analysis of these stressed and unstressed syllables in verse is called "scansion". When a piece of verse chooses a meter and uses it correctly, we say it "scans" well. And if you're trying to imitate someone else's style, it further means that you have chosen the correct meter and used it correctly, as u/Wheres_the_Whiskey did.
P.S. Note that Green Eggs and Ham is actually set in iambic tetrameter:
I will not eat them, Sam-I-am
But since a trochee is the exact opposite of an iamb, they feel very similar, so it still works.
Zelrak ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss strictly uses a limited selection of poetic meters: basically, patterns of stressed and unstressed syllables. All poetic meters have two-part names: the first part describes what one iteration of the pattern looks like, and the second tells you how many iterations (called "feet") there are in a line. For instance, Shakespeare wrote in iambic pentameter: Five "iambs" per line, with one iamb being an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one.
By far the most common meter Dr. Seuss used was anapestic tetrameter. An anapest is two unstressed syllables followed by one stressed syllable, and tetrameter of course means you have four anapests per line. This is what gives most of his work that characteristic bouncing, lilting feel.
Some say his heart was two sizes too small
This poem, modeled after the one in Green Eggs and Ham, is set in trochaic tetrameter. A "trochee" is a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable.
Exploitation everywhere!
So! The analysis of these stressed and unstressed syllables in verse is called "scansion". When a piece of verse chooses a meter and uses it correctly, we say it "scans" well. And if you're trying to imitate someone else's style, it further means that you have chosen the correct meter and used it correctly, as u/Wheres_the_Whiskey did.
P.S. Note that Green Eggs and Ham is actually set in iambic tetrameter:
I will not eat them, Sam-I-am
But since a trochee is the exact opposite of an iamb, they feel very similar, so it still works.
If you're trying to imitate an author who uses a very limited selection of poetic meters, and uses them perfectly, it's literally the most important point.
When the fully-automated luxury gay space communism revolution comes, your kids will shake their tiny fists and rue the day their parents rejected Red Eggs and Ham.
From each according to their abilities, to each according to their means. Other comrades have already bolstered u/Wheres_The_Whiskey 's glorious proletariat ode.
I did upvote. Why the accusation? You the upvote KGB now?
Damn, those last couple lines were straight fire. Now if only my comrades had a former communist leader of Russia, turned DJ, to help them drop the hottest mixtape of all time.
Congrats on being someone ignorant who doesn't know quite enough about his own professed views to know how much of a failure they have been throughout history. That's the only way I can fathom someone being a socialist at least.
Think about the fact that there are no well-off socialist nations in the world and never have been. Yes even the Soviet Union wasn't too well-off. There's a reason Gorbachev had to restructure the economy. Socialism never works. Feel free to message me and I'll be happy to converse with you. As a conservative I would love to discuss this stuff with a self-proclaimed socialist. I just don't want to in comments because that gets out of hand fast and I frankly don't check my comment replies enough for that.
edit to make sure people don't think I'm stupid: You mean like the various Scandanavian countries who provide excellent quality of life for their citizens with a tax rate many people here deride as 'socialist' while also providing universal healthcare and many other things?
They seem both 'well off' and 'socialist' to me, and they rate amongst the happiest populations in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:18:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No countries in Scandinavia are socialist. All of them are welfare capitalist. The means of production isn't owned by the workers.
And then the protagonist actually tries communism and ends up finding out it's great.
[deleted] ยท 1188 points ยท Posted at 03:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how you could tell it's a fantasy book for children.
Edit: There's something slightly unsettling about being gilded unasked for and unearned, for a post that's critical of wealth redistribution. But I thank you anyways. Though I will say, whoever bought me gold, if you ever see a post of mine again that you think deserves it, please spend the money on no one but yourself. Go have a delicious ice cream cone or something with that money you earned. That will make me happy :)
You may not have noticed the massive uptick in quality of life and life expectancy in the last 150 years, particularly in regards to education and not dying in childhood or childbirth.
So we all get to live longer being broke, miserable, and depressed! Yay!
The simple fact is quality of life increases aren't worth shit when so many struggle for basic needs.
bswa ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:12:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At what point in human history would you have rather been born? I'm fairly confident a larger proportion of humans are more effectively meeting their needs than ever before, leading to a larger quantity of higher quality leisure time.
I know it's easy to get caught up in personal struggles or the struggles of impoverished people all over the world, but understanding our current level of development in the context of economic history may help you feel optimistic.
I mean shit, until fairly recently (extremely relatively recently in terms of humanity's timeline) clothing had to be painstakingly washed by hand (if it got washed at all), the best available form of refrigeration was a frickin' icebox (can you imagine a time when harvesting ice was a legitimate and incredibly useful profession?), and in the year 1900 in the United States infant mortality was 10 times higher than it is today.
Nowadays the average person in the United States can waltz into an air conditioned grocery store that would've been inconceivable to our relatively recent ancestors, carrying a computer in our pocket connected to a worldwide database of virtually all the knowledge in the world, while we browse a historically unparalleled selection of incredibly cheap produce, snacks, beverages, etc. which are harvested/created and delivered from all over the world, facilitated by modern innovations in preservation and transportation technologies. And our improvements in quality of life in the United States give us more bandwidth to try to help those from less fortunate parts of the world. The Hudson Institute estimated in 2004 that private assistance to developing countries totaled $71.2 billion, on top of $16.3 billion from government aid in 2003. This provides an unprecedented level of assistance for poor people across the globe, made more inspiring by the fact that so many of those recipients are complete strangers to the donors. Even those who may not directly receive aid will still benefit from increased economic activity in their communities.
Our current situation in the context of human history is truly incredible, and if you live in a developed nation I implore you to find things to be grateful for and to find the greatest degree of satisfaction in your life as possible. It is a wonderful time to be alive :)
If you believe in the ideal of completely free market capitalism then you would want to be born in the 1880's before that nasty trust busting Teddy Roosevelt came to power.
Without the threat of global communism, the US wouldn't have had to implement the best parts of communist countries' policies into America. ( Social Security, centralised banking to prevent depressions, public education for everyone k-12 )
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:25:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But but . . . rich people in skyscrapers with Italian sports cars!!!!
bswa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I tend to agree that other people's wealth doesn't affect my own well being, let's try to keep the circlejerking to a minimum
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 15:35:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, you should see the massive uptick in life expectancy and education in Cuba since it became Socialist. They went from being Haiti Jr. to a country which literally exports Doctors, bumped their life expectancy to nearly 80 and pretty much eradicated illiteracy.
You know one of the main reasons we don't see Cubans on the internet is because the US embargo basically made it too expensive to even think about setting up a good connection, never mind the fact the island is in the middle of nowhere where it would be impossible to get good bandwidth. Its almost like the US, afraid of communism/socialism had to do anything in their power to stop it from looking good.
At the end of the day, without socialism Cuba would just be another Haiti.
Cuba is doing pretty good despite the honestly pretty fucking unjust embargo. I think it's pretty good as communist states go, but they're still not exactly good when it comes to personal freedoms. That could change, but so far it's been pretty bad.
But hey, atleast the have oppurtunity now. Ever hear of a doctor from Haiti? Ever notice the murder rates in Honduras? Cubans get free education, food and residence which gives them opportunities to live great lives even if they move. I'm not saying every country in the world should become socialist, I'm just saying its ignorant to think that some countries are better off as capitalist.
Then if it's not communism and is state capitalism, why bring Cuba up? Sounds like they did better than an anarchist commune that immediately gets crushed by the local Russians with tanks.
It's also not feudalism, syndicalism, or communism and doesn't really prove that communism does or does not work. Leninists usually consider it a necessary step to true communism, and maybe it is, but it isn't exactly immune to the insane corruption and the whole death camp thing we saw and I don't know if true communism is worth 100 years or more of brutal autocracy that's only a few steps away from Fascism or Absolutism.
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 06:25:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is. Governments are a part of capitalism, all capitalist systems to exist have governments. Every capitalist economist and philosopher outside of some fringe crazies wrote in great lengths about the role governed is meant to fill.
You can magically place every piece of blame onto something else. One of the most important things to note from minds such as Smith and Keynes is the capitalism must be critiqued for all systems are flawed. Only through acknowledgement of these flaws can we overcome them.
I never said capitalism was perfect, just that bailing out wall street isn't capitalist at all. Neither did i denounce the economists you mentioned; I actually really like Keynes, he had some cool ideas. All that being said though, fucking proof read your shit. It took me three tries to read that drunken slop of a paragraph.
Not really. We saw parties who said they were applying socialism to get to communism failed. We didn't really see socialism and we never have seen communism
If those dicatorships weren't communist and were state capitalist, it sounds like state capitalism works better than communism since every time communism has been tried it's either co-opted by state capitalists or invaded by them, like in Ukraine.
Communism has never been tried. They called themselves socialist. And all the countries that called themselves socialists said they were transitioning to communism, which is a stateless society. For the case of the Soviet Union, Lenin wrote that they had to go through state capitalism before being socialist
Kered13 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 03:48:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just wait til you see what happens when communism "works".
EDIT: Looks like the tankies are out in force today.
And you know what happens when communism works? Or do you think you know based off of a few select states which loosely followed some socialist policies while also waging a global cold war against the entire western world after losing most of your young male population to the largest war in recorded history?
I have a hard time believing that every single communist country failing or being authoritarian is "a few select states". Try "every single communist country in history."
We have enough evidence to know it doesn't work. I know it's cool right now among you hip Bernie living liberals to say socialism works but please educate yourself and accept reality. Ffs. It never works. Ask people from communist countries. Ask the people from Venezuela right now. You have to be wilfully ignorant to be a socialist in the 21st century. We had the entire 20th century to see how badly it doesn't work.
Perhaps you are the one who should educate themselves based on your assertion that any country has actually practiced communism. I get the feeling your understanding of Socialism is based off of the totalitarian regimes in late 1900's eastern Europe rather than any socialist literature or convention.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grew up in People's Republic of Poland. Fuck you for defending this filth. You have no idea. Ironic to enjoy a comfy American life and defend a system that knew only death, torture, and fear.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except they did all this via methods proscribed by communist thinkers, and following play books written by the lenin's and Marx's of the world.
Unless Lenin isn't a communist? I don't know, none of what you people believe seems to add up to me.
Pretty much what you said. You equated Marx's work with the practices of totalitarian states who didn't even follow works by Lenin who wrote ideas opposite to the ones laid by Marx
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough, I guess. I do believe even pure Marxism is a complete pipe dream, but I will say, Communist states seemed to roll really badly on the leader dice. Stalin was a paranoid maniac, Pol Pot was a psycopath and Mao seemed to have the emotional maturity of a teenager. Really only Lenin seemed to be both a born leader and a true believer in his cause.
Ah yes, of course. It's all those damn capitalists' fault! They're devious plan of bringing economic prosperity, technological progress, and human rights to the world has suppressed the glorious socialist revolution! Repeated failures leading to the death and suffering of millions are evidence of nothing, this time it will work!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:19:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what way has capitalism
brought human rights to the world?
aqouta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Capitalism is a liberal system individual rights are core liberals ideals and capitalism has spread liberalism.
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 03:19:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If what is? The US right now? We haven't had actual capitalism in the US for many many decades. The Current US "capitalism" is like filling a car's engine with sand and then saying "If this is how well this car works, I don't want to see what happens when it doesn't".
And holding the late USSR up as an example of socialism not working is a similar issue. What in your opinion was the last time that the U.S. was truly capitalist?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is holding the USSR up not a good example? Were they not the single most powerful communist nation in history? And a strong illustration of what ultimately results from communism and socialism?
USSR. North Korea. China. Cuba. Even Venezuela. Which one of those countries are good places to live compared to countries like the US and the UK or Canada? None. That is what happens in every socialist and communist country in history. How many examples do we need exactly? Communism never works because it ignores human nature.
95Mb ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:22:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
North Korea is as communist as it is a "democratic people's republic."
No, because they weren't communist. They certainly claimed to be, and certainly practiced a somewhat collectivized society, but saying the Soviet Union was a communist state is either a downright lie or a demonstration of ignorance of socialist theory.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then why is it that every communist experiment ever has degenerated into totalitarianism within a generation?
Free market republics make it at least a few generations before even starting to severely degrade.
You're surprised that a baby which we tried to strangle in its crib didn't quite turn out right? Socialism never gets a chance to peacefully come about, because any mode of production which doesn't support exploitation by U.S. companies is immediately and violently attacked
Under capitalism the entire planet is about to not be able to survive-we are killing our environment while enslaving our people and you say it works because a select minority lives in luxury while your only counter to socialisms real complaints is based off of repeating that the Soviet Union failed after losing tens of millions of people in a genocidal war and then launching into a global war against the largest power on the planet and sustaining parity for decades?
you say it works because a select minority lives in luxury
Obviously... in a system that benefits the rich, the bigger and nicer the house you live in, the better you think the system is working. And vice versa.
Communism never took root in America because the people see themselves, not as an exploited working class, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:30:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we collectively agree to stop using this quote? God I see this like 15 times a day on Reddit
Under capitalism the entire planet is about to not be able to survive-we are killing our environment while enslaving our people and you say it works because a select minority lives in luxury
You've literally described every country that tried socialism. At least there's some chance of social mobility in a capitalist country. The environment was also double fucked in Socialist countries considering the amount of centralization and lack of anything even remotely close to environmental regulations. When people want something, the environment doesn't really matter.
How is a country like Guatemala supposed to survive when the entire might of the CIA is used to destroy its democratically elected government?
For that matter, plenty of capitalist states have failed to survive too. The ones that didn't make it just didn't have the population base, available land, resources, and weak neighbors that the United States did.
There's a lot more to a state succeeding than its basic government type.
When Communism owned more physical space and population than the western countries, I find it difficult to believe that they couldn't face "the might of the cia".
Communism just doesn't work. Maybe with robots. Probably not.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly know nothing about the Cold War. Communism wasn't one front, and neither was capitalism. The Soviets hated democratically elected officials, like the socialist party in Guatemala, and gave them no help when the CIA outfitted the Honduran military to invade their sovereign nation.
In fact, after the invasion succeeded, the CIA tried to find evidence of Soviet involvement in the Guatemalan government and failed.
Communism and Capitalism never went one on one in the Cold War, thank God. Had they, there would be no world in which to live in today.
Right. So if something doesn't work every time you try it, it can't be declared wrong or impossible.
Well, when a fully functioning Communist state emerges, you can argue that the rest didn't try communism. Until then, it's batting average is infinity-zero.
Many states have tried some weird totalitarian bullshit and CALLED it communism. No one has actually tried it as it is intended. It's like me punching my car a bunch and telling everyone, "Hey, I tried starting it, and it didn't work. This car cannot be started." What I call "starting my car" was, in fact, nothing like actually starting a car.
What people think of as communist states were places doing something that is nothing like communism, but here you are saying communism can't work based on the examples of non-communist states failing.
Right, but you're stroking your own ego right now.
You think that you could actually do it. No offence, but Lenin, Mao, even Kim Jong Un (not saying he wants communism but still) are all far better educated than you or I.
You're implying that they didn't actually try. When they did. It just failed. With you're very awful analogy, you're also implying that a car has ever been started before and that you somehow magically know the right way.
Tsk tsk my friend.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it never works because socialists are the world's worst problem solvers. It fails constantly. Every single time. And all they take out of the experience is that "it wasn't done correctly! If it was done correctly it would succeed!" For people that claim to love the scientific method they sure don't much apply it to their own thinking. Just keep on trying the same failed experiment over and over and over.
If your ideology is too fragile to even be translated into reality correctly one time that makes it even more worthless than if you can keep trying and failing. Though not by much.
The UK and Canada, and every country really, are all socialist. Everything in the modern world that allows ordinary people to exist in their current state just above slavery is the result of implementation of socialist policies.
The first socialists weren't Marx and Engels, they were factory workers who stood together and asked for a decent wage, or reasonable hours, or safer conditions.
To denounce the ideas those men stood for by comparing them to authoritarian regimes would be ignoring every good thing that a person who isn't a millionaire gets to have.
Every modern nation with healthcare, unemployment benefits, social security, minimum wage, work hour laws, workplace safety regulations, and public education is a socialist country.
I'm not sure what he was going for, as 1800's to early 1900's America was still a pretty bad place to live if you weren't part of the elite. Workers right's were in their infancy, non-white men couldn't vote, we were committing genocide against the native population.
I think what he was going for was the "unrestrained free-market capitalism would fix all our problems" angle, which is actually much closer to what we had leading up to the great depression, which really doesn't do a great job of selling said free-market ideas.
Aaand what does the economy have to do with voting rights and native genocide? This is about economics not social justice go-to's to say America is bad. He was stating a fact. Before FDR we had an actual capitalist system. Hence workers rights abuses and such. FDR made it a mixed system. FDR was a little socialist in ways. Fact is some government intervention is necessary to protect the workers but not to the extreme of socialism. Somewhere in between.
Also what do you think... The Great Depression was the only time before FDR and after industrialization?? The Great Depression wasn't necessarily because of pure capitalism. If so we wouldn't have recessions would we?
I agree with you; those are social issues that I should not have conflated with the mode of production. However, the state of the American economy throughout it's history is friendly to a privileged few, the property owning elite, rather than the working populace. It doesn't matter if the economy runs if in doing so it actively harms the majority of the population and is detrimental to environmental stability.
Basically what I'm getting from this is if workers aren't working their fingers to the bone, living packed together like sardines in tenements and dying of black lung by the time they're 30 then the country has clearly fallen to disgusting godless commienism ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ
Would you mind expanding on why? This is something that's been thoroughly interesting to me lately, and I'd love to learn more. Even if you can just point me in the direction of some sources I'd really appreciate it. Thank you
Capitalism was a term invented by Marx and holds no definitive meaning outside of his 19th-century context.
Capitalism as a term was scarcely used by Marx and Engels. Much of early economic theory starting in the mid-1600s referred to capital owners as capitalists, and based economy descriptions of their power as capitalistic. Marx and Engels expanded on this and developed their descriptions of modes of production, referring to the Capitalistic Mode of Production. In Das Kapital, that phrasing is mentioned 2600 times, while Capitalism is only mentioned less than a dozen times. The term Capitalism was developed by writers like Blanc and Proudhon. It remained a pretty popular term for the phenomenon of a private property dominance until the early 20th century where neoclassical economists like the Austrian School developed alternate definitions.
When we socialists get shit for saying "not real socialism" about countries that literally don't fit the dictionary definition of socialism, y'all say this shit?
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 04:33:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Again, you are living in a fantasy world of selflessness. It goes against our very nature as human beings. We are all inherently selfish, and there is nothing wrong with that. In a true free market, you can't be taken advantage of, because it's impossible to create a monopoly on resources without legislation. You socialists ruin everything you touch.
it's impossible to create a monopoly on resources without legislation
Unironically, what do you mean by this? It seems like it would be easier to create monopolies (rather, allow monopolies to exist) if there wasn't legislation in place to ensure fair competition. Please expand, I'd like to understand.
And as a counterpoint to your cheeky final sentence, worker's rights and worker's unions are a sexy socialist measure that people who didn't die in a mine at 24 usually take for granted.
After watching this I went around, read a few articles, and found quite a few instances of unfair coercive markets being acted against by the government.
While it's also patently true that legislation can be abused to produce these monopolies, the thought of what would happen were one company to achieve what Ayn Rand believes impossible (and let's not forget that she doesn't have the firmest grasp on reality) and create a monopoly without government intervention (buying out their competitors, or simply keeping prices acceptable, for example), the truth is that government and legislation would be the only thing capable of dislodging that monster.
If you think government meddling is worse than a corporatocracy, I'm not sure how this conversation can progress.
They are dislodging a monster that they themselves created. A corporatocracy is not possible without government intervention. It's simply impossible to monopolize a resource or skill without legislation. You will be outcompeted.
Here's how the conversation can progress--exit your fantasy world of egalitarianism. If this world is not fair, it's not corporations' fault, but the evil government morons who asserted their power on the American people. Why you think the government is this benevolent entity compared to malovelent corporations is beyond me, and it calls into question your grasp on reality.
I live in Europe. The government is cool enough to spot me trips to the hospital when I need them. And I can leave the comfort of my home and go protest the government at any time I'm unhappy with the work they're doing. Corporations with private police forces (yay for capitalism!) whose lords and masters live half a world away from me are more difficult to show my displeasure at.
Unless you aren't wealthy. Then you will be taken advantage of. Monopolies aren't the only things that cause advantage to be taken, that's silly.
You socialists ruin everything you touch.
And capitalism is so inherently inefficient millions are dying every year from preventable causes for which we have all the resources needed to save their lives, yet choose not to because it doesn't generate profit.
Because it's true. Maybe do some research before saying dumb crap.
But I wouldn't expect someone who actually thinks socialism is a good thing to do any research. You might risk finding out how bad socialist actually is.
Capitalism is an economic system based on private ownership of the means of production and their operation for profit.
The means of production are privately owned.
They're operated for profit.
The U.S.A.'s economic system is capitalism.
Some definitions - like Merriam-Webster's - are more insistent upon operation within the context of a free market, but "free market" is fairly vague and controversial terminology anyway. I'm certainly not saying that the U.S. is 100% a "free market," but some do even argue that regulation is necessary for the existence of a free market, to prevent monopolies from undermining the very competitive principles that define a free market. I'm not here to argue about that definition, but my point stands that it's rather disingenuous to say that America flat-out isn't capitalist, because by those unreasonably strict standards, no country has ever been capitalist, and none likely ever will be.
I understand your point, and I probably should have expected someone to bring this up. But the things that differentiate most Communist states from the theoretical definition of socialism are much more drastic and fundamental than the things that differentiate modern capitalist states from the theoretical definition of capitalism.
Most Communist states you hear about โ USSR, China, DPRK, Venezuela, Cuba, etc. โ follow some variant of Marxist-Leninistโ political ideology. The short and sweet tl;dr of Marxist-Leninist revolutionary strategy is that the "revolutionary vanguard" โ essentially, the leaders of the revolution โ should establish a single-party state, develop socialism, and then eventually, the state should wither away and leave in its wake a stateless, classless Communist society.
Now, what makes them not socialism? The definition of socialism that you'll find on Wikipedia or Merriam-Webster is rather simple, and has two facets, as follows: the means of production must be socially owned, and they must be democratically controlled. In, say, the USSR, they were definitely socially owned; state ownership is a kind of social ownership. But we can probably both agree that there wasn't much democratic about the Soviet Union.
The idea that these Marxist-Leninist states never developed into socialism, and are/were instead state capitalism, is not just a deflecting response by internet socialists. It's an idea as old as communism itself. Lenin himself โ not even as a criticism โ described the development of the Soviet Union into state capitalism in a 1918 pamphlet. Friedrich Engels, in 1880, also argued that state ownership of the means of production doesn't do away with capitalism in and of itself, but rather that it's the "final stage of capitalism." China even goes as far as explicitly arguing that the rather prominent capitalist elements of their economy constitute "the primary stage of socialism." It was used as a criticism by prominent anarchists as long ago as 1935, when Emma Goldman published an article, entitled "There Is No Communism in Russia." Mensheviks exiled after the revolution, such as Fyodor Dan, likewise argued that Russia was state capitalism.
I take it you are referring to " free-market capitalism"? Because that has never existed anywhere except for maybe the most primitive of human civilization. Government is a part of capitalism, and a much needed one. Even Hayek agreed on that. Rules and regulations to protect people from excess and even competition have existed since at least medieval times. Also, every single economically strong country has grown strong due to protectionist policy. China does not enforce patents, same with the Netherlands at some point in time. Japanese economy has been largely regulated, as is the case with southern Korean economy.
There's something slightly unsettling about being gilded unasked for and unearned
1- You "earned" it with your comment. Maybe it didn't seem like much to you, but it was a funny comment that not everyone could have made. (And I thought it was cute and humorous, even though I disagree with your professed views.) People get paid much more, for doing much less, every day.
See, IMHO there's something funny and a bit skewed about how you hardcore capitalists view things. You say "unearned," and I say there was a contribution made. I suggest there could be a metaphor here, for other issues. Society is a complex web. We contribute in different ways, and sometimes an investment over here will pay off later somewhere else, even if you can't see it. And the best thing society can invest in is people, because it's people that make things happen. But I digress...
if you ever see a post of mine again that you think deserves it, please spend the money on no one but yourself. Go have a delicious ice cream cone or something with that money you earned. That will make me happy :)
2- And whether you agree with socialism, or socialist programs, this person chose to give a gift of their own free will. Their cash was not taken by reddit admins and redistributed to poor redditors who can't afford a gold star of their own. This is what they chose. And did you not consider that perhaps the act of gilding your post gave pleasure to the person who gave it?
Sometimes people enjoy giving. They enjoy the thought of doing something nice for someone else, and by this they receive some happiness of their own. Maybe they enjoyed giving a gift more than they would have enjoyed the decadent and selfish pleasure of an ice cream, or whatever else. Now, if your position is that someone should have the right to choose how to spend any / all of their own hard-earned money, what is wrong with the person choosing to give it away, if that's what makes them happy?
Actually if we were following the book's real metaphors then it would be politely explaining to whiny capitalist babies that just because something looks gross (green being associated with rot), the actual quality of the content cannot be judged from a single quality. Sure, that looks unappetizing because you associate its color (red, I guess?) with something terrible (like Stalin's entire rule), but that doesn't mean the underlying thesis is bad, and if you would stop crying about it you'd find that these commie eggs are fucking delicious. Naturally it's skipping over the important discourse because you're a child and the more complex concepts are way above your current ability to process, but hopefully it will get you to try something that is ultimately wholesome and delightful. :-)
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which page of the book would Sam end up in a labor camp?
China, Laos, Vietnam, and Cuba are self identified socialist states, and there are plenty of sorta kinda socialist states out there too. China the country is pretty rich, but it's people aren't, and the workforce is mostly in sweatshop. Most countries are poor, most countries are capitalist, but all communist countries are almost entirely poor.
None of them, ya silly! Like I said in a children's book you wouldn't touch advanced topics that you, the reader, aren't ready to process, such as why labor camps exist and how they go against most branches of communist praxis.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish #notgildingyoubutgiving4buckstomylocalanimalshelterorothercharityinyourname was a thing =)
Edit: or gilding being some sort of store credit for needing people. But then again, redditors are needing and gilding probably keeps the servers up sooooo
Yeah teaching that not everything is the way its portrayed to be, and trying new things or experimenting without basis is how we progress and enhance our lives on a societal level and personal. Like in the Resonance and post feudalism. We ignored what was considered wrong by the ruling classes and changed the world for better.
We already tried socialism. Millions of people died. Then the countries that had been trying socialism tried capitalism (most of them anyways). Poverty rates plummeted.
You say that but we have only had Socialist, Or Socialist countries progressing to communism (USSR) country's with a few people controlling the system. There has been no anarchist governments made which basically direct democracy in your place of business. What is so horrible about people who do the production and service voting in their work environment?
Yes there are many socialist governments that have ended and went back to capitalism. Though how can one thrive when the entirety of Europe, and US are embargoing, and sabotaging too many governments to say all throughout Latin America inspired by Castro. Does a plant die due to lack of sunlight or because it couldn't find light in the closet?
Millions of people died? Yeah man that happened. There were gulags, and starving people, of coarse. Though do you not see whats happening around the world? Annually 8 million people die of dehydration, 7.6 mil due to hunger, 3 mil vaccine preventable diseases. 20 million a year, and 100 million every 5, yet 'communism has killed 100 million' shit thats a fuckin compliment.
All those dead because they didn't make enough money... Fucking all of Africa is a poster child for how capitalism has failed, and allocates all wealth to a few people. We live in the 21 century with supercomputers, and robots ever exceedingly taking work. We have in the US with higher GDP's than countries, but the liability of a person. Yet workers incomes have stagnated for fifty years and decreased.
Wheres the socialist country that is supposed to be able to prevail over the restrictions of the world capitalist system, and Compete on par with a first world country? All of them are from the third world with low development. Russia, and china are the most powerful ones to do so, and look at their positions as world powers. second, and third. Then they are strained, and toppled by the first world, and become oligarchies for having developed so much without a few people keeping the profit.
There's something slightly unsettling about being gilded unasked for and unearned, for a post that's critical of wealth redistribution.
But it's not wrong. Communism has never worked in practice - it's a lovely ideal that is always let down by human nature. Capitalism is a horrible ideal, which is why checks and protections are (usually) built into capitalist systems, which allows it to work in practice.
We won't see a successful communist system until we invent pragmatic communists.
You do realize that communism isn't some system to be established right? It's the movement that results in the abolition of capitalism.
In other words, communism only comes about once the productive relations of capitalism are abolished, just like capitalism didn't exist until the productive forces of feudalism were abolished.
Also, communist government is an oxymoron. Communism is stateless.
That has nothing to do with capitalism, more so with mechanization and increases in efficiency. If anything, people are being lifted out of poverty in spite of capitalism, not because of it.
Also, this is how I can tell you barely give a shit. I told you 3 posts ago communist countries don't exist.
Also,
implying communism is an ideology
EDIT:
Because of capitalism 90 of every 100 people are not living in extreme poverty.
Don't even need statisics to know that's bullshit
also if you are in a social science and at the minimum you are not required to take statistics or linear algebra you are not learning a real discipline.
The fuck does that have to do with anything?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
points to china, a country that has never been socialist, to prove a point against socialism
๐๐๐
Right, it couldn't possibly be that their economic problems are caused by other countries trying to crush them until they crack and end up having to adopt neoliberal reforms
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
do you have any data (numbers) that the economic policies you want to implement will improve the standard of living of the poor?
A feudal lord could have said the exact same thing about capitalism, I fail to see how that can be considered a compeling argument against something that hasn't come about yet.
But I have some pretty good texts someone like you could read to understand why communism would improve living standards. I won't list them because I know you won't read them, since you seem to be unable to read 2 paragraphs of a reddit comment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism is an absolute success. So successful that it literally make everyone under it (except the party) equally miserable. To each his same size daily portion of misery.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:35:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the fact that there are more vacant homes than there are homeless people in the U.S. But you know, capitalism is the most efficient system for distributing resources or something like that
Or more likely the protagonist tries it and finds out that it isn't too popular with the people in practice and they want to go back to freedom but find out there is no such thing as the commies resort to authoritarianism to maintain control over the people in the name of protecting the "workers". At least that's what always happened and always will anyway.
Yes, remove all incentives for people to invest in new and risky business ventures. Brilliant. Congratulations, you have now reached the level of economic neophyte!
New and risky bussiness ventures such as railroads, steel production, ship building, agricultural innovation, technology such as GPS an touchscreens? You mean government investment? The only market player to do so before companies where such behemoths as they are now? Even now companies minimize investment because they are risky an would devalue stock.
Sam I Am causes him to realize the bourgeoisie has been taking advantage of his economic situation and forced propaganda into his mind from birth and he joins Sam in throwing the elite of Whoville into the nearest Gulag.
Have you read green eggs and ham? The main character starts off skeptical and has a change of heart at the end.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:31:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work all day on collective farm
Else KGB threatens me with harm
My blood, my sweat, this endless toil
"For the good of all" I work this soil
No eggs, no ham, for many years
My children starve, my wife in tears
I live now only on stale bread and water
I dare not complain, or off to the slaughter
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lines, they stretch, long out of the store
The Party says "wait, but 5 years more"
A Glorious Future awaits us all
But production has slowed to a crawl
The fields lay empty, the tractors broken
My true thoughts of this, the stay unspoken
For as a traitor the will drag me away
If truer words my lips do say
Loborin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:55 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love it but it bugs me because your "It will not work" lines are missing a syllable to fit the original flow.
I suggest altering with
"It will not work down by the sea, it will not work up in a tree, it will not work out in the rain it will not work out on the plain.
The breakfasts which constitute our means of subsistence are not significantly altered by their mode of consumption, its unit being a single serving of eggs and ham. Having judged, by means of our fancy, the properties of each edible object outside of us, we form a desire for or against the acquisition of this thing as commodity, whether it be green and undesireable, or so on. The capitalist, however, relying upon a dependency of the consumer in order to accumulate wealth for himself, will cast the commodity in different settings, such as in box or with a fox, in order to convince the consumer the thing has an exchange value beyond its properties which satisfy or fail to satisfy him. These properties have no existence apart from that commodity, while the exchange value creates a depository of wealth beyond the use value of the thing, meaningless to one aware of his material interaction with commodity and insistent in his qualification of desire for say, green eggs and ham. However, within an authentic mode of consumption in which even a commodity's false exchange value, along with its insistent and self-referential bourgeois purveyor, is ignored in order to appreciate the thing's usefulness, one can utilize the the properties of a morning consumable having recalibrated one's relation to its material properties.
TGans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just read Das Kapital and replace linen with green eggs and coat with ham.
Kody02 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ham here acts as the universal equivalent. We assume that 6 hams equals 12 green eggs which equals 2 blue banjos which in turn equals all other commodities in the market. Ham has taken on the money form.
E101K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A spectre is haunting breakfast. The spectre of Lime.
What's the distinction between "edgy internet communists" and just regular, real life communists?
aqouta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly actual understanding of leftist theory beyond having had the manifesto described to them by their illiterate zealot friend.
aqouta ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 04:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl marx was not really a gifted author. He had some incredible and depthful critiques but anyone who has read Kapital would not want to read anything else he wrote unless it was incredibly meaningful.
"All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses, his real conditions of life, and his relations with his kind." I think this was a good line of his.
Yes, indeed. Cheap malt liquor and beer shits drove me to create this username years ago.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:31:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a bar in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, named Schlitz and Giggles, I've been there a few times, they make decent pizza, but it was guaranteed to give you the shits, but I thought 'really doubt redditor is referring to the pizza'.
Lol. I'll have to check it out if I ever go there. Some bars actually have the best food. There's one in Clemson, SC called Nick's that actually has the best Reuben sandwich I've ever had.
That is an awesome name for a bar too. Thanks for letting me know about it. That's on my list of places to go now.
You know how when you're a kid and someone tells you something that you just assume is true until way past the point you should have known better? For the longest time until just now, I thought Adam Sandler had sung that song.
PSA for those who think Clive Barker is all horror (which you would be forgiven for, given The Hellbound Heart - aka Hellraiser - and his short story compilations)...check out Imajica or Weaveworld. Utterly brilliant fantasy. And not of the sword and sorcery type.
Eragon got me to be okay with reading, but Abarat made me love it. That whole series is absolutely incredible.
I sadly hope it does not get made into a movie or show as without a shadow of a doubt believe anyone could bring that book to life more then the artwork Clive did. I just can't imagine it could hold the magic that the book and art had paired together.
Here is hoping Kry Landing doesn't take much more time to come out.
Or Stephen Baxter rewriting Enders Game. It would be very technical. It would be great, he'd explain how all of their technology works using real physics.
If you want a good novella to start off with and you enjoy reading macabre, I highly recommend "The Hellbound Heart." It's just a totally messed up love story that ended up becoming the Hellraiser movies.
If you want a great fantasy novel, Imajica is the perfect place to start. It's a really long read, but it's so good.
His short horror stories are also really good. You can get that collection in "Books of Blood."
He's a really quirky author, but he knows his craft with the different genres he's written over the years.
Abarat is a great fantasy series that's aimed towards young adults. He has also authored and did paintings for a children's book.
That would be a really good one. I was thinking of the sequel, Through the Looking Glass, would be moreso up his alley. It has a darker tone and is more up Clive's alley.
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith wondered why clocks would even strike thirteen in the first place. He had remembered all the clocks in his childhood being twelve-hour clocks, and they served him just fine. Many of the Party's greatest minds were said to have spent a great deal of time mulling over the necessity of clocks that strike thirteen, though the rest of Oceania never got an answer. Most of those minds had a nasty habit of vanishing in the middle of the night along with their bodies.
Not letting his thoughts on unusual chronography distract him, Winston slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him. The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats, which, for an entire country that seemed to smell like such, was a notable commendation. At one end of it a coloured poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It depicted simply an enormous face, more than a metre wide: the face of a man of about forty-five, with a heavy black moustache and ruggedly handsome features.
Winston made for the stairs. It was no use trying the lift. Even at the best of times it was seldom working, and at present the electric current was cut off during daylight hours. It was part of the economy drive in preparation for Hate Week. If the intent was to develop hatred toward the use of stairs, the Party was performing admirably as usual.
The flat was seven flights up, and Winston, who was thirty-nine and had a varicose ulcer above his right ankle, went slowly, resting several times on the way. On each landing, opposite the lift-shaft, the poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those pictures which are so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran in large, unfriendly letters."
Universal did everything possible to fuck up the American distribution. They spent ages trying to edit in a happy ending - after all the critics had seen the director's cut at festivals and private showings. People starting asking if an unreleased film could win an Oscar.
Correction: I do know people who know it. 2. My dad, who introduced me to it, and the 60 year old man who is a regular at a restaurant I'm a server at.
Brazil is absolutely one of the best films. Not nearly as good, but Jude Law was in a movie around 7 or 8 years ago where he was a loan shark for organs and it has some nods to Brazil. Repo Men, I think it was called
Holy shit, I never realized the Old Boy reference. Just saw a scene dubbed "best scene" and the hallway looks exactly like the one shot scene hallway. Is it just a nod or is it the actual location? I'll Google it if you don't know off the top of your head, but I prefer human interaction to always asking google
I wonder who you are in the real world. There's something about reddit you read thousands of comment threads daily and never stop to think of them as individuals.
Only on really niche subs do I really see people as individuals and even then, I only individualize them based on the things they're saying and never imagine who they are or what they do in life. I would love to know what everyone's life is like, but I think if I had that power I would never do anything with my own life other than observe everyone else's. I mean.. In the sense that all I really do is play video games all the time, I guess I kind of already do this? (Existential dread sitting in)
It's pretty straight up a copy of the scene. They're not in the same location, though. It's a single shot, in a hallway with a claw hammer. The enemies use different weapons, there are way fewer of them, and it's not nearly as long of a fight....but otherwise it's a pretty honest homage.
Time Bandits was brilliant. I remember the first time I saw God in that movie; freaked me the hell out.
RETURN!!!!!! RETURN WHAT YOU HAVE STOLEN FROM ME!!!!! NNNNNNOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
And Evil had such great lines.
"If I were creating the world, I wouldn't have started with butterflies and daffodils! I would have started with LASERS! EIGHT O'CLOCK! DAY ONE!"
zzzap
"Sorry."
amaxen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch it again. Pay particular notice of what "Information Extraction" means. Edit. Also, it took me a couple of watches to understand what the basic plot was. The first time was an exercise in surrealism, but if you watch it a few times the plot snaps into place.
I saw it in theaters and was very traumatized as a kid...Same with Time Bandits...I have a feeling Terry Gilliam was not happy that he shaped my sense of humor so he is trying to destroy me...
Ged_UK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Usually in my top 5 movies.
Rundeep ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brazil is brilliant. Along with The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, it's a great rainy Saturday film fest.
treeof ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:51:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solely due to your unsolicited recommendation I will watch it tonight.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We want to hear your reaction to it :)
treeof ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was brilliant, oddly timely, and super weird. I'm going to watch it again when I have eaten almost too many mushrooms. It almost felt like waking up in a dream composed by Salvatore Dali. But slightly more coherent, yet equally terrifying.
Yeah it's my favourite film but it was a bit too much for my housemates. I think eventually they'll cave and watch it again and realise its true brilliance.
I only saw it because of an assignment in my Aesthetics of Film class. I don't regret taking that class one bit...finally made me watch Pan's Labyrinth and Eternal Sunshine as well.
R_M80 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:45:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be interested in your viewing list for that class, if you've got the time!
Ooookay, compiled a list. 'Required' were films required to complete assignments for the week, 'Recommended' were films technically assigned to us to watch, but not necessary to complete assignments, and 'Mentions' are films mentioned in reading materials that exhibited something from the topic of the week.
Week 1: Classics
Required:
* Casablanca
Reccomended:
* 12 Angry Men
* Citizen Kane
Mentions:
* Dr. Strangelove
Week 2: Color Theory
Reccomended:
* Hero
Choice Pool for Assignment (One was required):
* Amelie
* Brotherhood Of The Wolf
* Curse Of The Golden Flower
* The Fountain
* Pan's Labrynth
* Black Swan
* Her
* The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, And Her Lover
* Melancholia
* The Fall
Mentions:
* BlackHawk Down
* O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Week 3: Design (Creature, Costume, Set):
Required:
* Brazil
Mentions:
* The Fifth Element
Week 4: Acting
Required:
* Saving Private Ryan
Recommended:
* Gangs of New York
Week 5: Cinematography
Required:
* Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Choice Pool for Assignment (One was required):
* The Fountain
* The New World
* Children Of Men
* A Clockwork Orange
* Pan's Labyrinth
* The Hurt Locker
* Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Week 6: Sound
Recommended:
* The New World
Mentions:
* Jaws
* Psycho
* The Fifth Element
* Last of the Mohicans
Week 7: "Best Picture" Awards Criteria
Choice from AFI Top 100 list.
Edit: Didn't format how I intended but it still works i guess lol
R_M80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:05 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until I looked it up I thought you were talking about that other movie with the little girl that turns out to be a 30-year-old little person. I'll definitely put it on my watch list though, thanks!
I'm 25 and I actually introduced the film to the undergraduate advisor at my school who was well between the ages of 25 and 65. I don't doubt many people my age couldn't give less of a shit about that film but I hardly think being 20 years older guarantees limitless knowledge either.
In fact, I've actually come to a realization recently that it's better to hold a low opinion of most people until they've proven otherwise, it's a healthier way to live.
Word, I'm a huge fan of Melville, Le Samurai is the shit.
A lot of people don't want to pursue knowledge, they want complacency and hedonism which I don't blame them for but disagree with for my own reasons.
I tried to get my Intro to film professor to play Electra Glide in Blue 'cause he was a motorcycle aficionado, he told me he knew of it from film classes but had never actually seen it, we ended up watching Moonstruck with Cher instead, talk about disappointing.
amaxen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:20:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What blows my mind is I saw it like 20 years ago and I thought the themes were fantastical - I mean, torture being used by a western government? Pshaw!
thhn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, such a good film. Always happy to show it to someone new.
Incidentally: For a long time I thought the climatic dream-logic scene where Tuttle meets his end literally consumed by paperwork was just Gilliam being random. Then recently I saw Black Orpheus, and it turns out that I now understand Brazil so much better.
My friends know it because of Adventure Time, and that's awesome.
iLEZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I watched it with closed captioning, and "Sam whimpers" was practically burned into my screen when it was over. Huge fan of Terry, but Brazil never stuck with me. Huge fan of Adams too.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have Brazil, time bandits, the crow (fire it up) Baron Munchausen all on repeat for sleep. I know the crow isnt terry Gilliam but I love everything he does, atleast that ive seen
Vkmies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, we hang out in different crowds. I always thought Brazil was an internationally renown classic that everyone is required to love.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just need better friends, it's not that obscure.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still remember the first time I saw it in my early 20s - had never seen anything like it and remember getting to the end. It took me a couple of days to process it and come to terms with what it had taught me. Gilliam's finest.
When I read this, I thought "Yes! This would have been great!", than I saw your reply and thought "Genius, you nailed it!" and I thought "dam, I know this movie already".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the government is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
JacP123 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:53:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder who was able to figure it out back in January
Xeeroy ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:28:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the more developed countries you could say this is true. Most have moved from an autocratic system to a more democratic form of government.
Both can work well if executed properly by competent people with a common goal.
It's the competent people with the common goal we're always falling short with that makes practically all governments an embarrassment to rational thought.
I suppose there is a parallel. I intended it as a comment on 1984's regime that uses nationalist and populist rhetoric to manipulate a population despite actual policies dictated by the whims of elites. The current U.S. administration similarly reverses positions whimsically while trying to manipulate the public with misinformation. Yet they didn't invent this stuff. The establishment he campaigned against also routinely uses misinformation to direct public opinion.
The primary driver of human incarceration, arms purchases, and economic privatization on this Earth is Uncle Sam. You don't get to be an actual evil empire with a bunch of astutely reflective opinion leaders promoting fact-based policy perspective. On the other hand, if you have a superficial media culture obsessed with petty scandal and personality clashes, then the real conduct of your government can be pretty much whatever the elites want. Now, I suppose 1984 is different because of universal domestic surveillance . . . wait, I suppose not really.
The War on Drugs, not to mention so much blood spilled as an alternative to peacefully arguing against Marxism, would beg to differ. See also "all in" energy policy, insurance-based health care, and our socialized risks/privatized rewards system of investment banking for more current examples of what those elites largely support before judging them sane.
Well that's just incompetence then. I suspect it is mostly like religion -- deep down even the loudest evangelists know it's bullshit, but cowardice is a powerful glue that attaches people to our social fabric. Imperialist ideology (adorably dressed up in terms like "liberalism") only seems for the best if you completely fail to cast even the briefest of critical glances its way.
psyki ยท 1266 points ยท Posted at 02:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this book! The only word I can remember off the top of my head is Pelutho: A game in which the balls are hit against a wall until the prisoner confesses.
The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognize each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognizing each other the whole length of the corridor.
There are a whole series of ones beginning with Corrie-, concluding with "Corriemuchloch - one who makes a complete bish out of something as simple as walking down a corridor".
There are several words from Liff that have made it into our general vocabulary and we tend to forget that other people don't know them:
GRIMBISTER (n.) - a group of cars on the motorway all travelling at 1mph below the speed limit because one of them is a police car.
AFFPUDDLE (n.) - a puddle which lurks under a loose paving slab and shoots up the leg of anyone stepping on said slab.
DUNTISH (adj.) - mentally incapacitated by a severe hangover.
Edit: Oh and...
STURRY (n.) - the pointless little one-step run, usually accompanied by a sheepish wave, that people break into when crossing the road in front of a car.
Corriearklet reminds me of the one I always remember:
DROITWICH (n.)
A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite directions and try politely to get out of each other's way. They step to the left, step to the right, apologise, step to the left again, apologise again, bump into each other and repeat as often as unnecessary.
I try to use the phrase "as often as unnecessary" where I can.
I wasn't comparing the two, I was saying that it seemed people generally don't like the movie, so I was jokingly saying "It's a movie, right?" or whatever I said. I was just being stupid, was meant to be a joke is all. I don't have an opinion because I've never read the book or saw the movie.
On that topic, where might one find the radio series? I've seen the movie and read all the books at least twice, I'd love to see how he changed it on the radio
I still haven't read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. After I wrote that first post I read more into the discussion and realized it was the same author. I keep meaning to read that but keep forgetting so I just now thanks to this discussion finally put a hold on it at my library. I'm super excited! It just kept slipping through my fingers. Every time I had a chance to read it I'd forget to look for it. So I think I'll read that first and then buy the other one.
psyki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:51:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you like the first chapter, hell the first few pages, then you're like us and you'll want to read the whole increasingly inaccurately named trilogy (5 books).
Whoa, it's five books!? I thought it was just one. I already have a feeling I'm going to absolutely love it them so I'm super excited to find out there are more than I'd thought.
psyki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:44:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Restaurant at the end of the Universe
Life, the Universe, and Everything
So Long and Thanks for all the Fish
Mostly Harmless
I've read them all about a dozen times, Douglas Adams perspective on the world is a truly timeless style of comedy.
Rprzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Pelutho referring to game balls or anatomical balls. Because one seems ridiculous, and the other overly effective
psyki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this sense the prisoner's balls are the game balls :(
Rprzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The darker interpretation. Outstanding.
koew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Araglin was my favourite word. It returns in other words as well.
(Archaic) A medieval practical joke played by young squires on a knight aspirant the afternoon he is due to start his vigil. As the knight arrives at the castle the squires attempt to raise the drawbridge very suddenly as the knight and his charger step on to it.
hraun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rosset: waiting in a cubicle after doing a particularly smelly poo so that people don't wrinkle up their noses when you come out.
Comedian Anders Lund Madsen wrote a Danish version with the title Madsens รรร - Dictionary of things for which there funnily enough not yet exists words for, published 1997.[11] It is not a translation; instead it is stated as an "Idea stolen from Douglas Adams & John Lloyd" and The Meaning of Liff is mentioned in the publisher's copyright text.
thereโs a german translation (with german town names used as words instead of english ones). it features a correspondence (via alternating forewords of imaginary previous editions of the book) between adams and the translator while the latter is slowly losing his mind and starts to incorporate more and more of the bookโs words in his vocabulary.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Abilene - the pleasing coolness found on the reverse side of the pillow.
For some reason I first read it as pensioner instead of prisoner. I imagined a bunch of kids kicking soccer balls at 95yo man's house while detectives and news agencies standby waiting for the man to finally succumb to the noise and confess to the crimes he committed 40 years ago.
Is it just me or does he remind you of Terry Pratchett? I like that I can read almost the same take on Scifi and Fantasy between their works.
skadus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:54:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I adore both, but I actually kind of like Pratchett more, because the absurd bits are almost always Chekhov's Guns of some sort and make sense in the end, and... well, there's always a humanistically optimistic bend to the stories.
Still, I never would have discovered Pratchett if I hadn't enjoyed Adams first, and both are very quotable.
Dont forget to read the next 5 books in the trilogy!
Orkys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently reader Hitchhiker for the first time on the tube and giggling out loud. People must think I'm right weird but what a brilliant piece of writing.
"And then, one April morning, nearly four years after we had always been at war with Eurasia, a certain Comrade Ogelvy sitting on his own in a trench along the Malabar front suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and he finally knew how the would could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to always have been at war with anything.
Sadly, however, before he could get to his diary and record his crimethink, a mortar hit and his idea was lost forever.
This is literally the first thing that popped up in my head. Having a super serious and bleak topic of 1984 handled by the wit of Douglas Adams would be amazing!
Do yourself a favor: avoid the US version of Brazil like the plague. It's chopped up and sanitized for Americans. Get the British/International version. It is both far more depressing and entertaining at the same time.
Would not recommend Brazil - it's a self-indulgent mess. I'd never have believed it possible to humiliate a great actor like Pryce so appallingly. Adams and Orwell were pure geniuses, Brazil has all the poignancy of a homoerotic Dracula-Doctor Who crossover fan fiction
Some scenes read like money Python doing the office.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it has one punchline - when O'Brien explains why he is torturing Winston into conformity only so he can kill him and then erase him from history... because it feels great!
I was thinking mostly about Winston going on about the new speak dictionary as we first meet him, it gets very absurd about all the details of his job and yet the narration is about how he's going to die.
You could EASILY change that into a monty Python but in 1984 it's very frustratingly depressing.
That's one of three books I immediately thought he could have nailed with his brand of satire, Atlas shrugged was my other best thought. The third was do androids dream of electric sheep.
There's a text adventure game named "Bureaucracy," written by Adams.
There's also a text adventure game of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, also written by Adams. Let's just say I made more progress in it than in Bureaucracy, despite it being very unintuitive and me being very unused to text adventures in general.
This much I'm certain of: it doesn't happen immediately. You'll finish the book, and that will be that ... until a moment will come, maybe in a month, maybe a year, maybe even several years. You'll be a sickie in bed, feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life.
It won't matter.
Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll suddenly realize, you miserable, vomitous mass, that it's possible, you warthog-faced buffoon, that things are not how you perceived them to be at all. For some reason, you will no longer be Inigo, the son of a swordsmith. You'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, and - more importantly - shifts in you.
Worse, you'll realize it's always been shifting, like a shimmer of sorts, a vast shimmer, only dark like a room. But you won't understand why or how. You'll have forgotten the name of the six-fingered man who granted you this awareness in the first place
...
You might try then, as I did, to find that six-fingered man, so skilled at swordplay he could kill you. Only no swordsman can kill you now. Even with all the drinking, no one will best your Capo Ferra, none can block your riposte. You'll care only about the bottle, and you'll be blotto for hours, for days, maybe even for years, trying in vain to believe you're not some kind of indispensable, universe-appointed sentinel, as if just by drinking you could actually keep it all at bay.
It will get so bad you'll be afraid to get sober, you'll be afraid to work for Vizzini.
Then no matter where you are, in a crowded marketplace or on some desolate moor or even in the comforts of Miracle Max's, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived vows of vengeance, whether deliberate or unconscious.
And then for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, bested by a nameless Man in Black.
Really though, the whole story would be the internal monologue of Dread Pirate Roberts (only Buttercup can call him Westley) with "as you wish" being a motif repeated every couple pages. Probably a whole chapter dedicated to the various and accurate ways to develop tolerances to lethal poisons
Buttercup's life sounds similar to Diary, as well. Loses her man, gets locked away in a tower and used as a symbol for a whole society. Chuck doesn't get the respect he deserves.
Buttercup was just so tired of his face. So she told him to clean the stables again. "They're full of horseshit, boy," she said dismissively.
"Fuck off bitch," he replied. To her back. Matter of fact.
"What did you say boy?" she sneered.
He looked at her intensely. "Fuck. Off. Bitch."
That was when she realized that he wanted to fuck. And that she wanted to fuck him too.
So they fucked in the horseshit covered stables for about two days and then he left her, told her he was going to be a pirate or something, didn't really say goodbye.
She never would forget that fuck, and neither would he.
The big moosie crushing me - that was Fezzik. Between those huge sweating tits is where I fit.
"We're still sportsmen..."
"Yes we-rrrrgh- sportsmen. Sportsmen is -ooouff- what we are."
also...
"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling you the last sofa you will ever need in your life."
also...
"Fencing at Seatac, fighting at SFO, torture at LAX. You get your revenge at O'Hare, monsters at Dallas-Fort Worth, chases at BWI. Escapes across Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. You find true love at Air Harbor International. This is your life, and it's miracles every minute. "
I have always wanted an expansion on her wild days with Sally Seton and Peter Walsh! It would be so lovely and fun and carefree, tinged with just a touch of foreshadowed melancholy, and hopefully chock full of lesbian sex and joyful threesomes.
That'd be entertaining for sure haha. I feel like it would sort of defeat the gist of the original book though--it's been a while since I read it, but one theme seemed to be the sadness of getting older and being unable to relive the glory days, and if the reader could actually relive them it might dampen the emotional effect of Clarissa's partial recollections
Oh for sure, I wouldn't want it to be in the book, that would definitely ruin the bittersweetness of running into an old chum and realizing you're both older and have changed in ways you can't undo. But a separate expansion, you know! I think I'm asking for someone to write me fanfiction, basically.
forgot the M Dashes
"It would be so lovely and fun and carefree -- tinged with just a touch of foreshadowed melancholy, and hopefully chock full of lesbian sex and joyful threesomes.
If you're of the mindset that dissecting a thing makes it more interesting rather than ruins it, you should check out the Annotated Pratchett File for a book after you read it. It's a pretty spirited attempt to document all of the little references that might pass unnoticed by people who don't have exactly the same cultural background as Terry Pratchett.(Especially if you're not British.)
You are the first person Ive ever found that has said they dont like the witches. Rincewind seems very take it or leave it(I mostly leave him), everyone loves the Watch, but you hate the Witches? What the hell man?!
I wasn't big on the witches when I first started reading DW (tweens/teens) but rereading them 10+ years later they're much, much more relatable. I was surprised to find Granny Weatherwax is probably my favorite discworld character these days, when I barely tolerated her before.
kasubot ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 11:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's because from the perspective of a teen, Granny is the adult every teen hates: she's always right, she always knows what's best for you, and she expects you to listen just because of who she is.
When you get older you realize it's all a delicate balancing act she has to maintain just so that everything doesn't go to shit on the backs of other people's stupidity and naivete.
I like Granny Weatherwax's character, but I too find the witch books to be the least good. Not sure I could put my finger on why.
lurgi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:05:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I won't go as far as saying I hate the witches, but I generally rank the witches stories below the other ones (although I do like Tiffany Aching). There are dozens of us. Dozens!
Same! The Tiffany Aching books are far and away my favourites (followed by some of the one-shots), but I never got into the main Witches series and I didn't consider them that great.
The nature of the characters changed too much among other things. Vimes went from a run down near retiree to a grizzled grumpy action hero for one example. Then again I'm also odd in that I like the earlier books in general while most others like the later books more.
I think Vimes is an example of a second lease on life. In Guards! he's basically given up and resigned himself to the night watch. He's stuck on a shift with Colin and Nobby of all...."people". But Carrot shows up, he meets his wife, things start to go his way and it gets him out of that complacency that was bringing him down so much.
I agree I actually think his character arc is pretty smooth. He is always quite a reluctant hero, but over time he just has more and more reasons to get his shit together. He starts with nothing and has nothing to lose then carrot comes along and then he kinda gets dragged along a little bit until he has a glimmer of hope at a functional station. Suddenly he has something to lose. And Sam Vimes isnt a man who lets go of something he has. As more books pass he gets more, a wife, a functional watch, a son, and he grows to match the responsibility of each accordingly mostly because he has to. Then by thud he has so much to lose and is so close to losing it we see why he was so afraid of trying it at all for so long.
I don't hate the witches book, but I like them less than most of the other arcs - in my mind it's Lancre as a setting being less interesting that Ankh Morpork.
Granny is fun but that's about it for me. They're not bad and I don't hate the stories, I just don't find them as interesting as Death, the Watch or Rincewind.
Szygani ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 07:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with him. Granny Weatherwax sucks. I barely tolerate her in the book about the girl wanting to become a wizard
She's a very different character in that one because it's only book 3 or 4 or so of the whole series. Even the patrician is completely different in those ones
Yeah, that's a great one. Vimes and the gang are a lot of fun.
Q-Kat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:20:11 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it was nice to see like.. more mature and capable vimes in his old school "the watch is shit and the city dangerous" setting. I appreciated that since i sort of missed his old street adventures. not that i don't like his more diplomatic duties later on but still. It's like sitting in meetings all day for weeks then finally getting to do some of the work that attracted you to the career in the first place.
Also Pratchett included crochet in the book. So i was extremely excited for that (hooker for life!)
Holy shit I need to reread that. I was like 12 the first time, so I missed a lot and didn't really get into the witches. Was much more into the Watch and Moist.
You totally should. It has some really meta jokes about Shakespeare's life and Elizabethan theater.
There's also a very Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote joke where it's implied that the dwarf playwright writes exactly Macbeth inspired by the events of the book.
Man, there are quite a few authors I wish could write at the pace Pratchett did. And it wasn't like he was churning out "good enough" manuscripts, either. The quality was not harmed by the quantity.
loklanc ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:35:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin J Anderson's "The Winds of Winter" (completed from posthumous notes)
Yatta99 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:22:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that only Terry Pratchett could make 'The Catcher In The Rye' both readable and enjoyable.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:52:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"They say heavy hangs the head that wears the crown, but often they don't mention it is usually hanging on a stick, and the relative heaviness is offset by the pile of bodies they used to shore up the stick so it stays long enough for everyone to get a really good look."
Getting to his feet, the Man of the North thought he glimpsed his youngest daughter in the crowd. Then he looked down, to where his head - so recently and firmly attached - had capered off halfway down the scaffolding.
LORD EDDARD STARK.
Ned turned, and surveyed the dark-robed form. "Ah. You would be The Stranger."
SO I AM CALLED.
Death had tried to be more familiar, had tried to understand people even to the point of taking "a holiday." But even with his best efforts, all that had resulted was a massive backlog still to be cleared. His apprentice had done his best to help catch up, and was now doing splendid work down in Braavos. Not that Death would have considered himself Many Faced by any means, but the lad had been so enthusiastic about it. Valar Mortghulis and all that.
Ned waited patiently as The Stranger stood in thought. He was not terribly surprised that it had come to this, although he did feel sorry for Arya. Winter was coming, and there was rumor of the Wee Wild Free gathering beyond the Wall. He shuddered, even though there was no more cold to feel, and cleared his throat.
"Where to, now?"
AH. YOU MAY HEAD WHEREVER YOU WILL.
They both looked at the object on the ground.
"Was that intentional?"
IT WAS AN INDICATION OF BOTH DIRECTION AND BODY. I UNDERSTAND THAT SOME WOULD CONSIDER THIS HUMOROUS, ALBERT HAS TOLD ME SO.
Ned Stark looked blankly at Death, who was just warming up.
IF YOU MAKE SPEED, YOU MAY FIND YOUR FRIEND ROBERT STILL CLOSE TO HAND. THAT WAS NOT A REFERENCE TO YOUR FORMER POSITION, BUT THAT OF THE KING HIMSELF. I BELIEVE THAT TOO MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A JEST. HO HO HO.
INCIDENTALLY, IF YOU HAVE WORDS YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO PASS ON TO YOUR WIFE AND SON, I EXPECT I SHALL BE SEEING THEM SOON ENOUGH.
Ned nodded, thoroughly bewildered by now. "Er. Winter is Coming?" He thought he'd already said that, but one could never be too sure. His form slowly faded, taking all confusion with it.
In truth, Death had never been entirely certain about Lady Catelyn - it was all a question of the timeline of the novel versus that of the script, and some things were unknown even to him. Death had standards. He disliked complication, and if he could approach any feeling at all, it was surely an intense dislike of that shadowy grey-bearded form, known only as the Author, who seemed to be inordinately fond of removing as many people from the Discos as possible.ยน
Death shook his head, and summoned his horse.
COME BINKY.
Binky stood some distance away, and gave him a look. Death sighed.
YOU KNOW I DO NOT AGREE WITH THAT PROPHECY. THE GIRL WILL DO ADMIRABLY.
Binky exhaled plumes of steam, rolling one red eye.
Death looked back. But time was pressing on, and there was a Dothraki Horse Lord to collect. His eye sockets reflected the vastness of space as he drew their language forth.
O AENA SHIERAK, VEZH FIN SAYA RHAESHESERES, AJADI JINNE, AJJIN.ยฒ
The stallion thought about it for a moment, found the words acceptable, and pranced his way over the shifting grey landscape, whickering, as if to say "Look at me, admire my Greatness!"
Death shook his head. The horse people were crazy, and their horses were not all that far behind. As he mounted up, he surreptitiously withdrew a small yet ornately gilded hourglass from the depths of his robe.
Normally these stayed within the Black and White House of his residence, but he had a particular interest in this one. Under the fancy lion crest that housed the glass, a small span of sparkling time remained, but it would pass soon enough.
Death's job seldom elicited anticipation, but he felt almost human in his desire to see the surprise on the face of this particular boy. He'd even been practising a special greeting with the assistance of Albert, who had advised him on just the right words to say to the young prince when the time came.
As Binky bore his master away towards Essos, Death practised them once more.
HELLO, YOU LITTLE SHIT.
__
ยน - Discos, the known world of which is comprised of the three discovered continents: Westeros, Essos, and Sothoryos; and several assorted islands, including the fabled Foureckseros.
ยฒ - Oh Morning Star, The Stallion that Mounts the World, Come Here, Now!
"My mother wishes me to let Lord Eddard join the Night's Watch... stripped of all titles and powers, he would serve the realm in permanent exile. And my Lady Sansa has begged mercy for her father. But they have the soft hearts of women... so long as I'm your King treason shall never go unpunished! Ser Ilyn, bring me his head!"
Given the relish with which Gytha imparts the age old wisdom about knobs on wizards' staves, and the pity she gives the unbuggerable hedgehog...I can see that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:16:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can see Vimes as a version of Jaimie (starts out dissolute and disillusioned, gets his honour back). Magrat reminds me more of Brienne (unattractive, insecure, really comes into herself). Vetinari as Tywin of course. Tiffany Aching is Arya. Lily Weatherwax could be Cersei.
Well, he definitely has to show up for the death of rulers, who deserve a death with a sword (not his sycthe) and for the death of witches and wizards. I think he'd still be quite busy.
Something like this would actually really be worthwhile for books like GoT and LOTR, because those authors are much better at plot and world-building than they are at writing words
Well he has already done stories about a war for a throne, zombies and dragons, plus every now and then hookers show up and stand around being all feminine.
I'm having this problem where I've either yet to read a work by the author, or I've yet to read the novel mentioned in each author-novel pair in just about every single comment, and I'm feeling irrationally pissed off
MRDIII ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:09:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you do any of the reading in high school English class? Cause that's where 90% of the content is being pulled from right now lol
Valeddy ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 03:47:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The part where they are squeezing the chunks out of the whale sperm and find love in a hopeless place:
Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers' hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,- Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.
"Call me Ismael."
"How's that working out for you?"
Honestly, if you think about it enough, Moby Dick and Fight Club are remarkably similar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sea captain starts a cult to chase down the corrupt monster of Moby Dick. On the way any whale that wasn't him gets recruited to the cause or scarred for life. The whales start to practice defensive and offensive maneuvers for when they meet the whale. Moby Dick tricks the Captain into a larger boat with explosives in it. The captain alone with the sea ponders his life (montage of the captain and Moby Dick being the same animal). The captain's other leg gets blown off.
I look forward to the real possibilities of the coming ai - that works of art won't be singular, but that you will have combinatorially expressive powers between any art and artists. If you want guns and roses covering Depeche Mode, or Liz Phair covering G&R, it will be easy like asking for a 1 X 2 matrix of Cormac McCarthy with either of Moby Dick or Drop City.
People keep talking about 50 shades as a joke - because it is - but I think Miller would actually rework that into something decent: filthy, profane, unapologetic, condensed to one book instead of 3, and not pandering to horny middle aged moms.
I'm like 95 percent sure that Stephen King is the sole reason anyone knows about the state of Maine.
Edit: The comment I half-drunkenly posted about Maine before going to bed is now one of my most upvoted posts of all time. God bless you magnificent bastards.
Fun fact: They actually name all the fake places after what the area is actually used for. Finland because of all the whale hunting, Thailand because of the tiger hunts, and Maine because of the lions.
This is correct. The area people call "Maine" is actually just the northern part of Massachusetts. Mapmakers began including it as a bit of an inside joke around 1820, but maps of earlier periods (like this one) label the area correctly.
In Germany there's the "Bielefeld Conspiracy", a rumor about Bielefeld (a town) not even existing. It held strong since the 70s or 80s and for a while the "town" "Bielefeld" complained on news that people kept callign them to ask if they exist
It does. When your plane flies in low under snowclouds from the far land of Germany to the land of America, you may find it take to land in a curious city called Bangor, that is, if'n you got the shine.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a long time, Maine messed up my counting of the states. We'd learned a song in music class which went through the states in alphabetical order, but when I sat down and counted them, I only got 49.
Turns out there's no such state as "Main Maryland".
Aren't a lot of them connected and take place around the same place?
I remember seeing the name of a diner in two different short stories set in Maine.
Almost all his books are connected in small ways. A ton of them take place in Maine, sometimes in real towns but often in made-up towns. Stories sometimes have overlapping locations, minor characters, or histories (eg a story set in 1990 will have an explosion at the mill, and a story set in 2003 will have a damaged mill in the same place, as a little thing for fans to catch).
I pity the parallel universe Maine that dwells in the Stephen King Universe. Especially Andy Dufraine and Paul Edgecomb, it can't be easy being in prison with Killer fog
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:30 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edit: The comment I half-drunkenly posted about Maine before going to bed is now one of my most upvoted posts of all time.
That's how Stephen King wrote his books and got famous. You should become a writer.
EDIT: forgot that I was looking at the top posts of the year and just wrote on a 5 month old thread lol
I lived at 14 Main Street for a couple of years. This is directly across the street from where the butcher shop would have been. It's never been a butcher. That's fine and all but, King's description of the town is all over the place. Some things, he leaves alone. Other things are just completely wrong.
In any other setting, I would be totally okay with this. However, having lived there, it was rather jarring because he would describe a place and in my mind, I'm picturing exactly what he's describing but, then he throws the location at you and I'm completely out of the book because it's wrong. For no reason, too!
King went to highschool in the town. Nothing has moved since he lived there. And, even if he had forgotten some stuff, a 3 hour drive from his home in Bangor would have put him on location to get the landmarks in the right place.
For me it's Mighty Ducks 2, because that's where Julie Gaffney was from, and she was my hero, because she was a girl who played ice hockey and she was really pretty.
That's one thing that never made sense to me. He spent like what, 3 months training and him and Suzie can snipe fucking radar dishes off of gigantic robot bear heads? And how much ammo did they use training? He had what was it like 250 bullets or something?
Yeeeeah. And Jake didn't even have the training and still managed to hit all the plates in the fifth book. I guess it's because they all were natural gunslingers or something? Still a pretty lame cop-out.
It was a loop. It's been awhile since I read them, but do you think they could have carried over remnants of their training on each pass? I feel like one of the ka-tet members (Eddie?) recalls how right the revolvers felt in hand the first time he wielded it? I could be wrong, but if I'm right, it could explain how quickly they picked up their shooting skills.
I suppose it's possible, although I was never quite clear on whether it was an actual loop or just different iterations of characters originating from different worlds of Kingoverse. But I also never finished the series and stopped after the sixth book because it was all getting too meta for my taste and I was already spoiled on the ending, so I was like "fuck that noise".
Then again Eddie's feeling of revolvers fitting perfectly in his hand may be explained by him destined to be a gunslinger or whatever. But I like your explanation more, it makes a bit more sense in-universe and isn't quite as marysue'ish.
You're trying to apply logic to a fantasy novel in which the main character is 1000 years old and can still fire his own revolver perfectly with only two fingers.
It's never actually stated how old Roland is. The first edition of The Gunslinger put him at 30-something. Later it was revised and Roland may be between 30 and who-the-hell-knows, with how time works in his world. Also, I believe he had 3 fingers on his right hand: a thumb, a ring finger and a pinky. And he couldn't use his gun very well with that hand which is part of the reason he gave it to Susannah.
But nevermind all that. Regardless of how crazy and unrealistic setting of a fictitious story is, internal logic should be consistent and adhere to some rules. Motivations of characters should be understandable and explainable, and causalilty should not be broken. Otherwise reader is taken out the story, their suspension of disbelief is broken and the whole thing is just bad writing.
Saying "you can't apply logic to the story because setting is not realistic" is a poor argument which dismisses legitimate critique based simply on genre of a work of fiction. It could be applied to any fantasy or sci-fi setting with equally shallow and empty results.
Here's a couple of examples.
- How come Sauron is so much more powerful than Gandalf and other wizards even if all of them are Maiar?
- Chill, dude, it's a book about demons and goblins and big flaming eye, don't try to explain it.
- Wait, how the hell can Rey in SW7 use mind control and telekinesis and all other cool jedi tricks without any kind of training, when Luke basically had to endure a shirtless montage with Yoda to be able to tap into these powers?
- Yeah, don't worry about it, it's a universe with lightsabers and death stars.
Not as lame as the ending. Still a great saga, though. I wish he'd write more prequel stuff for Roland. The Little Sisters of Eluria was a good read, and the Mejis part of Wizard and Glass was pure awesomeness.
It was, in the way that I felt the same sense of disappointment and horror that Roland must've felt. But after all the hardship and loss, for that to be Roland's fate...
SPOILER ALERT, but he is making progress. When he walked through the tower door at the top and restarted his "when" he had Cuthbert's horn from the battle. I think he is slowing making progress towards his atonement in every life he lives.
Well, you can try reading TDT graphic novels. They aim to cover a period between the battle of Jericho hill and the first book. Although I 've read a couple and wasn't a fan. To me it seemed that authors rely to heavily on reusing familiar elements and situations from the book series.
No problem! It's a forgotten part of the series because it came out so late but it definitely fits the vibe of the first four a lot better than the last three.
I'm in the Mejis part of Wizard and Glass right now, and I'm finding it kinda boring, tbh. Especially compared to the insanity of The Wasteland. Blaine the Mono I think has been the most interesting villain yet. The Mejis part is just moving so slow. And I can just tell that it's leading to Roland fucking Susan and causing shit with the mayor. Whatever the glass is that the witch has I think is going to reveal Roland's true purpose for the quest, but I'm not sure, and it's taking up most of this book.
I don't know, just after a fast, exciting book, Wizard and Glass is just too much of a slow burn. Plus, Eddie isn't in the Mejis part.
Let me know when you finish W&G if you still feel the same way. All I'm going to say is that it's epic, and that's saying something, because I hate that word.
Yeah, Roland went from being a coldhearted bastard in The Gunslinger to nodding 24 hours a day and smiling and being all heart warming and shit. I adored the books up until Wizard and Glass when I promptly gave up, but holy shit if Roland wasn't a totally different character in the books after the first.
I wish King would have kept up with the world he created in The Gunslinger, even if it was a side story or something.
Oh my God. Wizard and Glass was my favorite one. Young Roland getting laid a million times a day. I couldn't put it down. I guess it could be seen as not the best character development though.
I think it was the fact that I was heavily invested in the Blaine story, and was EXTREMELY disappointed with how it ended. Such a scary character with excellent build up, then it goes where it goes. When I first saw him TALKING LIKE THIS I actually got a little bit of anxiety. I've never felt that in any movie or book before in my entire life. Then, all of a sudden they are in what seems like our ravaged world, possibly The Stand? (Never read it, just guessing based on things I have heard), so I wanted to know what was going to happen. Did Blaine upload himself somewhere? Doubtful since the thought only occurred to me now, but still, I wanted to know what was going to happen.
I also didn't like how many fucking times the book said "Roland nodded" or "Roland smiled at nodded".
Then to make matters worse, when I moved the books got lost/thrown away somehow and I cannot afford to get them all again.
Blaine was a huge let down for me too. While I guess it makes sense, king seems to just make shit up as he goes along and tries to connnect everything after the fact. Idk how far you are in the series but he makes a huge plot decision and then basically admits, in the fucking middle of the book with authorial intrusion, that it was a shitty way to tie things together but it was either that and let the story move on or have it all end there and end the series. I was speechless.
It just feels like he wanted to write fantasy for the sake of fantasy. He made another attempt at it, and it was really bad. Even started with "once upon a time" if I am not mistaken.
Not the best best character development? Da fuck? The whole book is Roland's back story. It's literally nothing but character development. And Jonas getting his face blown in is my number 2 scene in the whole series! So badass. Funny thing is, I thought the Roland and Susan romance was cringy af. There were a couple of ojay scenes but to me, King sucks at writing romance and sex. Always seems awkward and forced.
The Gunslinger, IMO, is the best artistically of the ones I've read, but The Drawing of the Three is the fastest I've ever read a book in my life. I think I finished it in 2 days. I have done drugs, a lot of them, and I (despite self disgust almost a decade later) that that book was like book coke. I couldn't put it down.
I don't know if my point about it being better artistically makes any sense, I have a hard time explaining it, but the Preacher woman, the guy with the crow, the woman with the scar on his face, the guy that got brought back from the dead. The future books don't seem like that Preacher lady could even exist.
Why didn't you like the ones in between Gunslinger and The Dark Tower?
Also, I want to know what happens with the Tick Tock Man.. totally forgot about him. He was a great villain "Gnasher, what do you have there. Let your old pal sneak a peak" (Paraphrasing, but the "sneak a peak" part was 100% in there, and it was just somehow so menacing in how nonchalant it was, as if it was actually a fucking request and not a "Do this or die" thing) I just picture this very fake psychopath charming as fuck, and I want to know more about him.
Sorry, I'm kind of rambling here. I gotta get those books again, I'm getting the itch real bad now.
I think a lot of my problem was the inconsistency with the setting. Gunslinger had such an interesting setting (I'm definitely with you on it being better artistically), and I was pumped to go back for the second to see more of the world. Instead, The Drawing of The Three dumps us in all of these modern-day settings which were not what I signed up for. And those characters sticking around were a constant reminder that as cool as Roland's world was, we could end up somewhere mundane at any time, for any length of time.
I haven't read them in ten years, but there are other things that still stand out as discordant. The robot cowboys, King literally writing himself into the story, the monorail.
There are still great scenes that stick with me, like the indescribable worm pursuing the party through those underground tunnels, the circle of wizards opening a portal for the party with the swinging crystals, passing over the plain of horrors from From a Buick 8, the library of people gnawing at the ley lines with their minds.
Gunslinger, Wizard and Glass, and the Dark Tower were my favorites because those were the ones most about Roland and his past. I get that King's concept for the series was to tie all of his worlds together, but that's not Gunslinger pitched, and it's not what I signed up for. Wizard and Glass and The Dark Tower delivered what Gunslinger promised - tales focused on the last Gunslinger.
I loved Blaine the monorail. So much awesome build up. Good cliffhanger, horrifically bad conclusion. Dead baby jokes are not riddles. I haven't read Wizard and Glass or beyond so hopefully I'll forget everything you said, although I already knew about King writing himself into the story.
I would have been furious if I read them at the time, waiting years for Blaine to be killed by a fucking dead baby joke.
Honestly, I was so captivated by Drawing of the Three, but thought it was stupid that Susanna was two, seemed like he gave the name before he finished it. I also hate that character. She is awful. Suddenly she isn't racist. King definitely came off as a racist with how unbelievably stereotypically ghetto black he wrote her.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
Isn't he eleven?
Tonkarz ยท 158 points ยท Posted at 02:18:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given that protego-enchanted hats exist, most likely, bulletproofing enchantments can be put on clothing. And given the fickle and arbitrary nature of magic in Harry Potter, increasing the gun's power wouldn't necessarily work because the magic might work in some stupid way like transmuting the bullet into a gerbil and redirecting it back at the shooter.
Hell, magic can even interfere with luck. A wizard drinking felix whateverthefuck potion would probably have every gun pointed at them jam without them even noticing.
A pure muggle army has no chance, because magic is magic.
It'd be impossible for muggles to even attack wizarding locations alone. For example, the bar in book 1 that marked the entrance to Diagon Alley couldn't even be noticed by muggles. If that kind of magic were applied to all wizarding residences, then how do you attack a wizard?
Of course, this flies out the window with the potential of wizards cooperating with muggle forces to inform and provide counters.
If you could enchant something to be bulletproof then a dark wizard could probably curse a bullet into piercing the enchantment. If the magical community is happy to take up technology like clocks and trains, then guns must have caught somebody's eye at some point. Good thing that wizards don't seem to have any interest in magical weapons outside the occasional sword.
...shit, a magical arms race story set in WWI sounds kind of amazing, actually.
Frankly, it wouldn't necessarily even have to be dark magic. A countercharm that evades the specific defense mechanism of the defense charm would probably do it. But that's guessing a lot about the nature of magic.
I mean, IIRC, there was also the other explanation of how, if magic were revealed, all muggles would want magical solutions to their problems and to meddle with magic this and that, which wizards in general thought of as a great annoyance.
Then again, in FB&HTFT, the "muggles can't find out about wizards" thing seems much more dramatic, as you say.
Edit: Speaking of witchhunts, wasn't there a mention of a witch who liked the gentle tickling sensation of fake fire in a burn-the-witch session that she let herself get caught multiple times?
Yeah. If that's the case then my thinking process is "well, we managed to scare them to death with pitchforks and torches, surely they wouldn't want to mess with us now when we have automatic rifles and goddamn ICBMs."
But maybe they just recognize that a great bloodshed may occur and nobody's going to be a winner in that one.
Shit a muggle army could be taken down with one good spell. A single Imperio on a high up officer and they'll be left running in circles or into their own firing lines.
On one hand, there are probably muggle ways to deal with that, such as requiring knowledge of a code or something that an imperio'd impersonator wouldn't know. Then again, there are ways to magic up knowledge anyways with divination and all that. There can be so many complex and amazing ways to counter magic, to which a wizard would respond by using some bullshit asspull magic spell that is... magic.
Weren't the hats invented by Fred and George? Which means to me they be relatively new idea.
Also after certain point wouldn't the enchantment run out of "power". So maybe it could handle couple shots of .223 rounds, but could it handle 30 in matter of few seconds?
Then now we not even mentioning explosions from grenades or m203 rounds.
Depending on if limitations on the power of magic actually exist or not, extrapolating from the existence of permanent (or at least, lingering) protection charms on hats and the ability to shield all of Hogwarts in the final movie, it's probably possible to have both personal and massive area shield generators.
And I mean, magic is the essence of asspull. There's no guarantee that magic spells 'wear out' at all in that manner. For example, consider an AOE spell that detects all objects of bad intent within a certain radius. Something similar to the sneakoscope, except detecting harmful objects instead of people. Then, consider another spell that would turn such objects into gerbils. Put that in a large enough area, and most offensive muggle weaponry is broken. Would such a spell be too unbelievable for a harry potter universe? Probably. But anything even close would probably put massive holes in a muggle army's ability to harm wizards at all.
And then, consider the anti-muggle offense. Spells already exist that specifically target muggles. Turn that to any kind of murder, and you can imagine the results.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the fan-continuations of /r/hpmor did this scenario (can't write more due to spoilers), but fuck if I can remember the name.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:17:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Great Hall was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:17:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually though, there's no good reason (aside from good ol' magical racism) for the wizarding world to not use purely mechanical devices like guns, or even freakin' pens instead of quills.
I can buy that complex electronics don't work around magic because magical energy interferes with electromagnetic fields, but baseline concentrations of magical energy (such as you would expect from a typical Wizarding hotspot) do not appear to affect Newton's laws of motion and gravitation without someone specifically casting a spell to that effect. As such, there's no reason for a device based purely on mechanical principles to fail.
That means that wizards don't use muggle technology due to some sense of superiority, but there's enough muggle-born wizards who lived in the regular world for some of their lives. Surely, some would have put two and two together and realized that handguns are also pretty damn effective.
Honestly, I wish we saw factions of witches and wizards that openly embraced muggle technology and enhanced them with magic, making them a formidable threat to both magical and mundane opponents.
If that appeals to you, check out The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher. The main character is a wizard gumshoe. First book is called Storm Front, though the series doesn't really kick into gear until the third or fourth book.
You have no idea how happy I am that DT is starting to get the recognition it deserves over King's other books :D the man himself said he'd never top them
Yeah Canada has a few too. Letterkenny is the one I notice as i live next to the one in Donegal. Was pretty weirded out when i saw a 5th show called letterkenny
THE BOY WHO LIVED (IN HIS OWN IMAGINATION AND WITH DEMONS ETERNAL)
"Give us peace through the edge of darkness, for only then will darkness come before you." - Newt Scamander
"Rock the fuck on, rock the fuck on." - Jerry Lee Lewis
Down a shithole road in a shithole neighborhood ran Privet Drive (tonight a damp and stormy night, like most nights on Privet Drive as Privet Drive was in the central-most part of London, as you surely well know good reader), the same drive where old Miss Meriweather once found an eviscerated toad bearing an upside down cross that became national news and Walter Mumford (janitor of Liptonson High, bass fisher extraordinaire) killed fourteen children in his basement and strung them up with fishhooks, lived a boy named Harry Potter (a wholesome name as ever he thought there was one, thank you very much). Harry Potter lived with his aunt Petunia Dursley and his uncle Vernon Dursley and their fat little chickenshit of a son, Dudley Dursley. And a dud Dudley was, making his namesake as close to prophetic as you better fucking believe it could be, you see.
One day, Harry Potter had had enough of Dudley Dursely's horse shit, so in a fit of anger, he took a cleaver to the fat boy's face (a merciless operation if ever there were one), the Magic coming to the forefront of his mind from some dark, cobwebby recess in the back of his dark and troubled imagination, in a bright flash of crimson (The Magic is coming back, coming back, Harry Potter thought, the idea giving him both unimaginable terror and a hard on). The Dursley boy's nose came straight off, blood gushing in an arc across the kitchen table and Dudley Dursley clutched the bleeding fat stub of his nose and he ran, squealing, from the room like a pig narrowly evading slaughter.
Vernon Dursley, coming down the stairs to investigate, spotted a letter at the base of the front door: Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, the envelope read. "Cod swallow," Vernon Dursley said, and chucked the letter into the fire before attending to his son's hemorrhaging nasal region. Vernon Dursley spotted Harry Potter dart toward the bedroom under the second-floor stairs (a bedroom the size of a spice cupboard but more of a bedroom Harry ever thought it could be) and he grabbed the boy by his hair, raked him three times on the face and yelled, "HARRY POTTER, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"
Harry reeled backward and in a fit of raw and terrible emotion, he imagined Vernon Dursley's head exploding in a bright flash of red and gore and bone. (The Magic is coming, the Magic is coming.)
And it did.
(Edit: spelling and minor alterations.)
[deleted] ยท 1043 points ยท Posted at 03:26:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 05:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's the same "ancient quote" "modern rock lyric" pairing that he does all the time.
Maybe needs to include an introduction to the neighbours, the local bartender and the withered man that sells fresh fish to the Dursley's every Wednesday.
Read the part with the nose to mean the severed nose ran out of the room. Was totally cool with it and kept reading. This makes me wanna read some King.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:05:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done. I haven't read King in a while, but I don't think he spoke directly to the readers. He'd speak about them. I.e - "If you had looked at John in that moment, you would've seen his pain.", as opposed to "good reader" or "thank you very much". Maybe I'm wrong. I was into Koontz and King as a kid.
Reading IT right now. He does say stuff like "and there you have it, gentle reader."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:42:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny. I was thinking of IT. The part at the beginning where Georgie fucking ate shit stuck out to me as a kid. Well, the whole murder stuck out. I'll read IT again before the movie is out.
I want to see the scene where Harry and Ron are in the Ford Anglia at 3,000 feet, flying through the pristine steel blue sky, and they strike the Dome.
Hermione's hair getting described for 3 pages... a half chapter about the upbringing of the guy who makes the brooms for quiddich... countless times Harry fingers his scar and reflects on his responsibilities... I can totally see it.
scleep ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:52:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it wasn't bad. She just wanted to give a happy ending that fans would love and that's exactly what she did. It was cliche yea, but through the journey it was what readers wanted
Then there would be a weird, out of place part in the book. Like Harry, Ron and some of the other boys running a train on Hermione so they can escape the Chamber of Secrets.
Halfway through Voldemort dies in some weird, accidental, anticlimactic way and then gets replaced with an ancient evil that can take different forms so it can be tied in to Dark Tower in some stupid way.
The Talisman is kind of close. Kid, whose father died under strange circumstances, in the real world learns that he has the ability to travel to a magical world. Of course the Dumbledore/Hagrid parallel is a magical black man.
It's OK, not great but if you're looking for that sort of thing, that's about as close as you're going to get.
he'd flip the script and turn the series into some kind of morality tale about the risks of power, the enduring legacy of hatred, and how you can only overcome it through personal strength.
But the real kicker would be that you sympathize with and hate Voldemort, but you also sympathize with and hate Dumbledore.
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermoine Granger, and that transfer student from Maine who writes novels and brings his enchanted typewriter to school go on adventures.
283leis ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yep...they always had a very exact way of surviving that if you didnt follow you'd be fucked, but the very first major choice you make would essentially split the book into two very different plots
An unfortunate necessity of the genre. Having more than one or two viable paths massively inflates the text, which will never get published and even if someone bothers writing one it'll take years.
I picked up a Goosebumps CYOA in a bookstore this week.
I died half a page after the first, and only, choice.
eMeLDi ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:55:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a choose your own adventure book series based in Narnia. They are called "Narnia Solo Games." You create yourself as a character on a sheet in the first page and track inventory and allies that impact the choices you can make.
Ben Stein would be an awesome narrator for books that feature/criticize capitalism, especially if he is able to give his own commentary at points throughout.
The original story already has kids without parents, and an adult that doesn't monitor the children, all he needs to do is add a cliffhanger at the end of a chapter that turns out to be a sibling scaring the main character
And Curtis Sittenfeld' s Eligible is an updated Pride and Prejudice, and Alexander McCAll Smith did Emma. Maybe there should be another thread of existing ones.
Stalin. Better yet, an entire cycle about the early Soviet Union from 1917 to WWII. It would be just like his roman histories: betrayal, civil war, fiery political speeches.
I'm a big fan of Ryan North's "Romeo and/or Juliet" and "To Be or Not To Be," which are choose-your-own-adventure type books based on the obvious Shakespeare plays. They're fun to read, very cleverly written, and have some great artwork.
I read about this actually. Not sure how it's different from No Fear Shakespeare. Personally, I think it'll kill the plays because the language is so nuanced in its current form, modernizing it imposes a lot of new meanings. I also think that good acting and directing make it understandable in real time (and if you really need to catch every single word, you can bring a copy of the play when you go to see it and follow along anyway).
However, I think we've seen a bunch of modern interpretations of Shakespeare (although not line by line translations like the project proposes) that have been pretty successful. West Side Story, for example, works really well. The Lion King also works.
I agree with you that the plays are meant to be seen, and good direction makes good Shakespeare; I adore Shakespeare's originals, for the record, and think they're plenty accessible.
But, if I'm understanding correctly, the intent of this project is not to "modernize" as much as to literally "cover" them, to use OP's term - like, take Karen Hines "style" and lay it over Shakespeare. That's why this post brought it to mind for me.
The adventures of Frodo the heroin junkie and Gandalf the male prostitute.. they find this ring, man, and they figure it's worth a fix and a handle of Popov. So they head to the pawn shop, but it's not easy making it through the shire aka North Hollywood.
The opening scene would have Bilbo Chinaski plastered to high hell in his derelict tree house while he starts The Hobbit. Frodo, not giving a Balrog's ass that Gandalf was coming to town, would be banging Rosie in the Green Dragon while Sam was out cutting the verge.
I think, with no uncertainty, that Gimli would be the only character that wouldn't have to be rewritten.
Pretty much been done. If you haven't read Bored of the Rings, give it a try. Highly recommended.
โDo you like what you doth see . . . ?โ said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Fritoโs throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale.
She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her.
โLet me make thee more comfortable,โ she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. โTouch me, oh touch me,โ she crooned.
Fritoโs hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest.
โToes, I love hairy toes,โ she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet. Her tiny, pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep while Fritoโs nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel.
โBut Iโm so small and hairy, and . . . and youโre so beautiful,โ Frito whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters.
The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held him more firmly to her faunlike body. โThere is one thing you must do for me first,โ she whispered into one tufted ear.
โAnything,โ sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. โAnything!โ
She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. โThe Ring,โ she said. โI must have your Ring.โ
Fritoโs whole body tensed. โOh no,โ he cried, โnot that! Anything but . . . that.โ
โI must have it,โ she said both tenderly and fiercely. โI must have the Ring!โ
Fritoโs eyes blurred with tears and confusion. โI canโt,โ he said. โI mustnโt!โ
But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-maidenโs hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully . . .
IMO it's a good thing it was a short novel - the level of humor was funny in a small dose, but wasn't at the level that would have maintained interest for a longer piece like what we expect from Asprin or Pratchett.
It's not that I hate the Shire...just better when it's not around. And yeah, this adventure makes you feel like you're on your third straight hangover--and the dwarves never get hangovers, which is bullshit if you ask me--but I've never felt more alive than being hungover on a Tuesday evening after sleeping fourteen hours. It's days like those that keep the sanity somewhere near me. It's the people who aren't crazy who are insane, but you've still got to keep the sanity near you whatever way you can. And this ring--I've heard a lot about it, but do I think it can solve all my problems? No. The beer can't and the women can't, and a ring sure as hell can't. But it's not the Shire, so I'll keep walking toward it, night and day, head pounding and the path ahead blurry.
I considered telling Gandalf to get stuffed. I didn't ask to have this great burden of adventure thrust upon me.
I held no delusions as to what existed outside the confines of my comfortable hobbit hole. There were to be no whimsical journeys, no all-consuming love or lovers out there. No, not for me. I was content to stay in with Bilbo, eating tea cake and mulled cider as the sun rose and set, rose and set.
The old wizard and his incessant smoke rings and his spinning of words and spells wore me down, though. Oh, how he went on about the mischief and the whores, and the sights and smells he had encountered outside the Shire. In the end, that is why I relented.
And so began a series of dumb luck and bad decisions and smug elves with penchants for archery.
A bunch of dwarven revelers show up with a wizard at a hobbitโs house. The hobbit is a failed writer who drinks and constantly digs at his hemorrhoids. The dwarves need Bilbo to venture out to their old liquor store for some more boxed wine. Some dragon asshole took it over. Bilbinaski doesnโt give a shit but thereโs wine involved and maybe some tail. He steals some ring from some asshole poet who was bombing at a reading, constantly rhyming. Bilbinaski doesnโt have time for his shit so he takes the ring and runs away. He finds that it makes him invisible, so he tries to make it with some washed up bar hooker by pretending to be her dead husband.
Folks, believe me folks. I have the Greatest Expectations. People are saying my Expectations are unlike anything they've ever seen. Folks, you're never gonna get tired of it, believe me.
"Book the Second: in which Pip moves on Estella like a bitch."
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:21:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is no creepy bitch in mine. I replaced with Ivanka. That's some Great Expectations, if I was married....who the fuck am I kidding... I want to fuck my daughter, she is just not into it. But this book details what I would do to her. Really I only skimmed the Cliff Notes so I'm really sure what the book was about but I assure you there is no creepy bitch in my version.
MRDIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is perfect, he receives a small loan and builds walls to keep dirty prisoners from getting into cemeteries.
forthex ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 04:43:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My God, these were some unfortunate events, just terrible, the worst events ever, and let me tell you I've seen some bad ones.
You guys sure get triggered a lot for a group that hates safe spaces, don't you?
"Black kids don't have dads harhar" is "just a joke, chill" but one Trump/Putin crack and BAM "not the place"
Durzio ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:21:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You SJW f*gs always need a safespace, wahhh"
"Omg guys, my tender heart can't take insulting the lord commander of the Orange okay? Can you just please be respectful and restrict that to the proper forum?"
Nah. They'd be forced to wander the desert to search for something they can't find, and once they find it, they can go home to the promised land. Only to find that what they were searching for is a mystic form of death itself. In doing so, making them quasi immortal because it takes so long to find it and they can't die until they do.
He is a fantastic writer, but he just has the problem that he likes to develop scenes and characters too much, which will turn most average readers off instantly. Hell, I've always been a slightly above average reader and getting through the Hobbit alone was like trying to reach gold in a pile of thorns
It's pretty good as an audio book. Though I have to admit I might have to listen to it another two or three times before I can remember more than the first quarter
It's like the Illiad in that it's better the second or third time you read it. Less time worrying about remembering all the names and more times spent enjoying the epicness.
I love the Hobbit. I didn't until about 3/4 into it because I found Bilbo's constant complaining and entitlement insufferable. Once he got over his stupid hole for a house and owned his adventure I enjoyed the tale far more.
The Hobbit I find to be like nearly every other book. It's a children's a book lol. If it's a trouble to get through, The Lord of the Rings will be impossible for you, The Silmarillion is beyond that, even. Tolkien's problem (I don't see it as one, but I understand why others might), is that he's a world builder first, and a story teller second.
Oh shit dude! Please do! Nothing would make me happier! I've never played before, but ever since I started listening to The Adventure Zone podcast it's made me want to play so goddamn bad! I feel like I'd fucking LOVE to do some world building of my own, I just don't have an outlet for it at the moment. If you do please let me know how it goes!
Will do! I already have some lore built around an ancient desert civilization that disappeared a long time ago. The few remaining members were cursed with immortality and forced to roam the desert searching for some relic that will allow them to die. They were incredibly powerful magic users (possibly Mystics? not sure...) in any case, their hubris caused their downfall and those few must pay the price
Or something like that, still haven't ironed it out yet
Nah. They'd wander the desert for forty years searching for the promised land, but then as soon as they got there, Moses would show up with a bunch of giant fucking eagles. "Dude, you had access to these eagles the whole time? Did you not see that they might be relevant to our quest?"
"Well, bro, they said no the first time I asked because 'something something this quest is rigged and we can totally hide in the mountains forever so fuck y'al you can sort it out' crybaby shit. But soon as we looked like we might succeed, THEN they were willing to get involved. Sissies..."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:16:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Eagles is basically US...
spare_me
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:41:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, WWI/II US maybe. Unless the eagles decided to go around and fuck shit up everywhere they pleased after the events of Lord of the Rings.
That's not so far from a story that Christians made up about the wandering Jew. A part of the Jesus story is that he said he would return within the lifetime of someone that was alive at that time. However after a few hundred years of waiting they realized that it was pretty much impossible as everyone alive in the year 33 had died. So they made the story of a Jewish fellow that was cursed/punished to wander the earth forever, thus being the one who was alive at that time and would be alive for the return and rapture and all that other stuff
Implying we know how old the universe is. Even the "observable" universe's "age" is pretty variable. It's a lot of conjecture based on a little. Even NASA says that they could be wrong by "about" 59 million years!
This exists. Tolkien was a notable contributer to the Jerusalem Bible. An alternative Catholic bible that was based off the idea of doing an English translation from the original Greek and Hebrew texts. Skipping the Latin Vulgate middleman.
In what you linked it says that the translation was done from French, with an occasional glance at the Greek and Hebrew texts. Unless I've read that wrong.
That seems to be controversy being discussed. That it relied heavily on French translation. But the original intent was to do a direct as possible translation. That is how I read it.
Ethrien ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:20:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is commonly held that the Jerusalem Bible was not a translation from the French; rather, it was an original translation heavily influenced by the French. This view is not shared by Henry Wansbrough, editor of the New Jerusalem Bible, who writes, "Despite claims to the contrary, it is clear that the Jerusalem Bible was translated from the French, possibly with occasional glances at the Hebrew or Greek, rather than vice versa."[5]
That line is a qoute of a single reviewers opinion, could still be true but it isn't what was claimed by the people doing the translation or apparently a common view.
AtoZZZ ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 04:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing is, as someone who used to study the Torah in Hebrew as a child, there's so much that involves the actual phrasing in Hebrew, as well as the numerical value of letters (gematria). It's impossible to translate the Old Testament accurately, there's simply too much lost in translation. Plus, it wouldn't make sense without commentary (like Rashi, Midrash, etc), because so much is left for translation.
I'm not sure if I agree with you there. As another person who read the bible in Hebrew, I think you don't need the commentary to understand the message of the Bible. Hillen even managed to do it in one sentence.
I am a strong believer that the Bible should be looked at as a moral story that reflects the fears and worries and morals of the people who wrote it, and the beauty of it is that it manages to do that, with no commentaries, even so long after it was written. The bible is humane story and I do not think that any commentaries or gemetria or anything else is needed to understand the message it is trying to tell,and while I do agree with you that the Bible is beautiful to read in Hebrew (it was written in high and poetic Hebrew even for it's time, it is believed that nobody spoke like that even in the time it was written), that is the cost it takes to not read it in its original language.
Says Jonah on the Wiki, do you have a source on the Job thing or do you think you might have gotten it mixed up? I ask because if it was Job I'd really really like to see that.
this comment will get buried, but my life just changed for the better. I am a Christian, and before right now I claimed that I knew everything about Tolkien's scholarly work. I've never been more happy to be wrong.
most bibles are translated directly from hebrew/aramaic for the OT, and koine greek for the NT, usually with the oldest available manuscripts at the time. many make exceptions for specific traditional mistranslations, such as "lucifer" in isaiah 14 from the latin vulgate, and "virgin" in isaiah 7 from the septuagint.
That's not strictly true based off of your link, the English language version is based off the French Jerusalem Bible that still in some places did use the Vulgate.
[deleted] ยท 12272 points ยท Posted at 01:40:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I would hate the George RR Martin books, both because every time I see an excerpt it seems so poorly written, but mostly because watching the show I cannot remember anyone's names beyond the "main 5" and I use those words very loosely.
Fair enough. I just most often see people laughing about some of the more poorly written lines. But like I said to each their own. I can't force you to like them. Honestly if you just don't like his style that is just something I can't refute.
I just say give them a shot. Mind as well. Plus if you prefer audio books they are really well done for ASOIAF.
Dvanpat ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 03:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading the books actually helps me remember every single name on the show. His writing style is a blend of Medieval English with modern English, and it isn't poor at all. It's very much written to feel like it's in the middle ages, but they swear like they're living in our times.
Yeah no. That's the Canterbury Tales, and that's what medieval English sounded like a lot (the weird mix of Celtic, Anglo-Saxon, and french it is). Martin does a good job making it sound filthy and more modern, but it was far more poetic in the past.
Dunno why you got downvoted for this; your first two sentences were absolutely right. Martin's dialogue is usually (but not always) phrased somewhat archaically, but there's no Middle English in it whatsoever, nor even the pronouns and conjugations of Early Modern English ("thou wert", "she hath", etc.).
As to your third sentence, Martin's using pure Modern English, which I'd say he's making sound less modern through phrasing and avoidance of contractions.
They're great books, I recommend giving them a go. It's only hard to remember names when u come back to the books or a random chapter and u try to remember everything
It's somewhat workmanlike. Compared to other current fantasy authors like Patrick Rothfuss or Neil Gaiman, his turns of phrase are solidly meh. They get the job done, but you won't break down in tears over his descriptions of lemon cake (and there is a lot of lemon cake, especially in the Sansa chapters). His strengths as an author lie in worldbuilding immersion, plot, and characterization, as well as the level of detail he puts into his work. The guy is fantastic at making believable characters, and he is a literal god at making fantasy and sci-fi worlds, even in his lesser known works such as Fevre Dream and Tuf Voyaging.
It really depends on what you want from a book. Tad Williams is perhaps my favorite living author but his romantic dialogue is embarrassing. The worlds are worth it.
I'd say that his background as a screenwriter shines through in his writing. The dialogue tends to be snappy and reads like a movie or TV show watches, but the rest of it is largely unadorned.
I honestly enjoy his prose. It's flows well and is easy to read without being pretentiously wordy or flowery IMO. I find it much more enjoyable to ready than shit from 50-100 years ago that feels more like it's just an author trying to show off how witty they are or how large their vocabulary is rather than trying to tell an easily digestible but also ambitious story.
Same here. Martin doesn't brow-beat you with pretentious loquaciousness; he describes things simply, yet vividly. He's not interested in crafting the perfect turn of phrase - his is an ugly, crude world, and ugly, crude language suits it.
because describing a "swimmers build" rather than a meager waist in a medieval fantasy era has anything to do with my mastery of English and not GRRM's ability to write. I'm not saying his story telling is bad, he's really good at that. I'm just saying his ability to write a picture with poetry is lackluster, lazy, or rushed.
But who can't help rush their writing when their fans throw temper tantrums for the next books and you make 10 commoner's yearly wage off one book.
Never mind creating an entire world with hundreds of characters, all with their own motivations, interacting in a complex world, while through illustrative language, making the environment a character in and of itself.
And since people did swim in medieval times, saying someone is built like a swimmer isn't exactly a stretch.
This is literally the dumbest shit I've heard today, and I've heard a man with Downs sing the national anthem to the tune of Jingle Bells.
O no, don't use exact language that paints a very particular picture.
You are wrong though, I have read them all and his description, world play etc is easily among the best. You are constantly trying to portray your opinion as fact for some reason
Among the best or among the best that you've read? They are written at a 9th grade reading level, they absolutely don't have prose or 'word play' or any form of poetry written "among the best" they are a children's fantasy novel written by some neckbeard who throws a temper tantrum every time he's compared to J.R.R.Tolkien, even his name is a rip off.
He's a children's books writer and you're trying to put him on a pedestal with Shakespear or Homer or even today's writers like Vladimir Nabokov, Jane Austen, or Alfred Noyes who would all take him down a dark alleyway and stomp his teeth into a cinderblock just for implying his writing is up to standards of real authors.
Get real, he's a children's writer and you are simply a fan. It's okay to like something man, it's not okay to idolize him though.
I just like to point out when it's not the work that's lacking, but your ability to comprehend/analyze/appreciate it.
Say what you want. I will defend quality art to the death, and you fucks are disrespecting a magnum opus, real talk.
Do you get sarcastic in people's faces? I bet you say you do. My experience is most people aren't willing to stand by their opinions, and I'm willing to die for mine, if necessary. It's not a threat, I'm saying 99% chance you don't really talk to people like that.
I'm not saying everyone agrees with me. I'm saying I can hear your tonal sarcasm if only because of the lack of it I hear IRL. Do you get sarcastic with everyone you don't agree with?
Now now, take two deep breaths or something. It's possible to dislike something without disrespecting it. Believe it or not, when people say that a work of art is bad, they almost always mean that it is bad to them ie. there is something about that they don't like. People are allowed to like and dislike different things, and nobody needs your permission to dislike GRRM's literature.
If you want to give me the last word, then that's fine. While it is true that you can do whatever you want to, my point is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and goodness is subjective. What may be thorough, well-crafted literature to you might be boring and banal to someone else. And the best part is, neither of you would be wrong; you would just have different opinions.
A subpoint of this is that calling everyone who disagrees with you a dumbass just makes you an asshole. Your opinions aren't better than everyone else's, so stop trying to impose them on other people. If someone doesn't like GRRM'S books then that isn't morally wrong nor are you better than them; maybe they just don't like fantasy or found the prose hard to follow.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:31:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You don't like what I like, therefore your opinion is objectively wrong.
A. People are allowed to like and dislike whatever they want. B. I tried to read A Game of Thrones and I hate GRRM's writing style. He's great at character development and world building, but he's just not my cup of tea.
Not everyone likes the same author as you. Don't be a dick about it and imply that they're stupid.
You're immature,close minded and a moron.If anyone's opinions should be disregarded ,it should be twits like you with the "disrespect master level work" mindset. When you consider criticism to be disrespect,you actually don't deserve to be taken seriously.
Pro-tip:Don't defend to death(reference to a comment of yours above)over opinions that are abhored by experts(learned,trained and intelligent literary critics have nothing but the outmost disdain for your "disrespect" mindset)
Art is subjective you dumb fuck. You might think something is a masterpiece and someone else might think it's garbage. Neither of you is right. Neither of you is wrong. You ignorant shitheel.
I'm not a fan of Robert Jordan's writing style, but never in my life would I ever disrespect the Wheel of Time series, because I know what it means to a lot of people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hadn't said that in this thread, I just stumbled across this thread. But I have been saying it out loud for years.
Yes, Martin's writing is very poor. (I personally think the story is weak, too, but that's more of an opinion than the writing style). If you think Martin's writing is so great, then you really have a treat in store for you if or when you go read so many other much higher quality writers actual books.
Just because you like the tv show doesn't make the original books good.
It's not a joke, I'm just not a fan of the writing style of adding backstories to every tree branch just to then turning out completely irrelevant to the story or characters. It fit Silmarillion because that's kinda the point of the book, doesn't work so well with LOTR in my opinion. I prefer a much more forward plot and character oriented writing style like GRRM does. It just seems less pretentious, his phrashing choices are simple but vividly and believable.
Then again, IIRC people aren't sure if some characters in the Bible are same people or different ones, plus the testaments themselves apparently borrow and mix from one another.
Let's start with the fact that "Satan" is not one certain character, and it's not the name of the Devil or a demon. Neither is "Lucifer."
I'm not sure which Bible you are talking about, but if you are talking about the Hebrew Bible, then Satan is definitely a character and is an angelic being tasked with questioning everyone's decisions.
(note that my memory of the Bible is a bit hazy. It's been a while since I last read it. Great story though, I highly recommend even for non-religious people).
In the OT, sometimes it's transliterated as Satan and other times it's translated as "adversary". I could be wrong here, but I think an example is the story of Balaam's donkey speaking to him and not wanting to go down the path because an angel was waiting for them and would kill them. In English, it says an angel although the Hebrew is "Satan". In this instance, the angel is Balaam's adversary.
But 90% of the names are not even relevant to the story. And the story is parcelled into semi-independent stories where you can tell who is relevant to the story at that point, and can will recognise the bigger names that are relevant to the broader story.
Honestly I didn't fully digest the story until the second time I read it (and ive read it a few more times since). When rereading it, you are much more aware of the important people, places and events, and filtering out extraneous information is much easier. And you even process the more minor character's roles within the story.
It's an incredibly dense story with soo much lore. It's daunting, but if you give it a chance, you'll find that even the more mundane details lend themselves to the completeness of detail that makes Middle Earth so compelling.
Locations like crazy and location names change throughout the book as do some names and they use the new names more often than not. there are so many different people who have very similar names. About 10 different groups of elves and they all have different relationships with each other. It's tiring to read sometimes but the frustration is so worth it
RscMrF ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:58:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What you can't remember the difference between Fรซanor, Finwรซ and Fingolfin or Hรบrin, Tรบrin and Huor or is it Eรคrendil, Elendil, Elwing, Elrond and Elros.
Just remember Beren is a badass and you will be fine.
Man looking up these names made me want to read this book again. I have forgotten so much. What is really amazing is how it all fits together and how so much that seemed mysterious in the Trillogy now feels like it follows a natural order. It's really a brilliant collection of works.
From the whole book Beren is the only one I really remember in depth just because Of Beren and Luthien was soooo good. I haven't read the original trilogy yet, I was told by some close friends to read the Silmarillion first, but I can see where it does help explain a lot just from the movies.
lolofaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:48 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's to hoping it's just as good as the 20 page Silmarillion version! (also in the preface of the children of Hurin it sounds like he wanted to make the fall of gondolin into a full book as well). Cheers
Zhang5 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On top of lots of names and places, they were more of an excuse for Tolkien to play around with his language. So you'll be reading a passage about Finwรซ and his children Fรซanor and Fingolfin and Finarfin and their kids Finrod and Fingon and then somewhere around there your eyes go cross. Especially when he starts off somewhere way later about Finarfin's tales and you're like "which one was that again...?"
Not OC but I found the same. I really like the mythological bits about the Valar but then later there were just too many personality-less elves to keep track of.
Tolkien never actually finished it. It was basically a large stack of notes his son edited and had published. The closer to the end, the more gaps Christopher had to try to fill with less original narrative available.
It didn't help that Tolkien was rehashing some of the elements of his world in these notes.
That's what I found. I loved the creation myth at the beginning, but by the time I got half or two thirds of the way through, the various groups had fractured or had their leadership replaced so many times and their were so many names and relations to each other that I found it really hard to keep track of. I think there was an appendix, which I made heavy use of, but that detracted from the experience.
I imagine if I went back and had another go now it would be much easier and more enjoyable.
Its basically a history of the universe of Lotr, in the first chapter you read about like 20 god like beings and as a footnote it mentions that Sauron is like a peasant servant to a third tier dude.
Its a good book to read if you like something that reads more like a history book than a fantasy novel. I don't mean that as an insult, it's basically a history book of a fantasy world.
Lots of characters are introduced that don't become important until near the end of the book. Some of those characters have 3 different names they're known by. Some chapters are just filler (one whole chapter dedicated to what the humans were up to during the first 6 chapters). A lot of times, he will reference events that happen in the world as they pertain to a specific character but won't go into detail of that event until a few chapters later. It reads like a history book written within the world of Middle-Earth. Which I think it's supposed to be.
Yeah, lots of names and places. The first part felt like the world he was describing was very mystical and fantastic, and the writing read like that. Later on, the world felt like maybe it was supposed to be getting a bit more real, but the writing still felt super mystical and fanciful, lots of names and places, and a lot of abstract narration, rather than concrete.
Yea the first bits are great because it really really helps to explain why everything is the way it is in the LOTR series, and it's really cool to know just a little history behind the universe
The first third is Tolkien's hand at the creation myth. His background in folkore and theology really shine through as he crafts the beginning of his world and the base tapestry of creation.
That's because it starts as mythology, then morphs into history. Myth tends to read a bit easier than history, even if the actual language is just as difficult. Personally, I think it's because you can skip every fifth word and still understand mythology, whereas if you do the same for history, it makes no goddamn sense.
Others are kind of beating around the bush here, but the Silmarillion is actually made up of several different pieces of writing by Tolkien. In order:
Ainulindale. It's a creation myth mixed with the Luciferian fall of Melkor. It's written biblically, giving you a kind of Genesis meets Book of Numbers feeling. In my experience, 99 people out of 100 bounce off this section assuming the entire book is like this.
Valaquenta. This is an encyclopedia entry describing the Valar and Maiar. It kind of continues the story of the Ainulindale. If you read "Concerning Hobbits" and thought to yourself, "This is great stuff. I'm really glad Tolkien started the Lord of the Rings with an encyclopedia article about hobbits!" this might work for you.
Quenta Silmarillion: The History of Silmarils. This is the good shit and it makes up something like 90% of the book. This is written like a mythology collection. It's not modern narrative fiction and can't really be read as such, but when read as mythology it's pretty fantastic.
Akallabeth. This is sort of a short history of Numenor. It's interesting, but my memory is that it begins trending back towards encyclopedia article.
Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age. Very much "apprendices of LOTR" stuff.
Short version: I'm not saying that the Ainulindale and Valaquenta are completely without interest. But I am saying that most people bounce off what amounts to prefatory material which is not representative of the actual core of the book.
I also recommend people experiment with reading the Quenta Silmarillion out loud. The language is rich and dense and beautiful, rewarding a spoken savoring of the language.
Qaeta ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:53:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RscMrF ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commonly called and later distributed as such "The Sillmarillion" is actually a collection of five separate works which follow a general chronological and narrative order.
The first part, Ainulindalรซ, tells of the creation of Eรค, the "world that is". Valaquenta, the second part, gives a description of the Valar and Maiar, the supernatural powers in Eรค. The next section, Quenta Silmarillion, which forms the bulk of the collection, chronicles the history of the events before and during the First Age, including the wars over the Silmarils that gave the book its title. The fourth part, Akallabรชth, relates the history of the Downfall of Nรบmenor and its people, which takes place in the Second Age. The final part, Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age, is a brief account of the circumstances which led to and were presented in The Lord of the Rings.
Most people, myself included, prefer the more exciting Quenta Silmarillion, which is essentially the history of elves (edit: also of course the story of the Silmarils, it's kinda the driving force behind this section), and the Akallabeth telling more about humans and their relations with elves historically. The first part, Ainulindale is neat, but can be boring to some. The first section is not that long, but if you are thinking the entire book is like this, then I could see someone getting discouraged and put it down. The later parts are much more actual stories with people and places and things, rather than a creation myth and a lot of mumbo jumbo about light and dark and discordant themes arising in the music of creation and all that.
Personally I think the entire collection is great. To me it's right up there with the Lord of the Rings itself, sure it doesn't have a single narrative like the Trilogy has, but the stories and characters in it are so fucking cool, and since it is a bit "biblical" the stories and characters have more leeway to be legendary rather than the ordinary-turned-extraordinary in the trilogy. It also just ties everything together. Ever wondered what the fuck Lothlรณrien means, or what is the deal with the Wizards. Even want to know who is this greater master that Sauron himself is but a lieutenant under. It's all in the Sillmarillion, if you care to look.
Every time people talk about how much they love Tolkien, to me that's like someone saying "Lynard Skynard is just the best band ever! I love Freebird!". The Sil isn't even a deep cut, it's the shit you read to prepare your body for the other 30-odd books.
Tolkien was a meandering, neigh-inscrutable writer who needed an editor like a diabetic needs insulin. Once you no longer have the epic bloodbaths to distract you, it really hits you in the face like 2009 R&B singer.
Just getting to the point where the Elves awaken is a chore. So-and-so, whom the elves named so-and-so lived at so-and-so, which the elves later called so-and-so...and on and on. I think the chapter was called the Valaquenta or something and I had to read it several times to familiarize myself with the Valar and there are only a dozen of them or so.
Right there with you. I started, got about 1/4 to 1/3 in, then had to walk away. I've been told to stick to it, and once you pass the threshold it makes it a much better book. I have my doubts.
Reading the Silmarillion is the equivalent of riding a bike up a very large hill. You pedal so hard up that first genesis segment and you're losing steam and your legs are burning and you start snaking side to side but if you can manage to push through to the top and get to the main part with the elves where it turns into an actual story, it becomes this effortless ride downhill, wind in your face, getting faster and faster the further you go.
Numbers is a pretty cool book, but I didnt read it till I was over 40. I still don't really care for the simarillion, except maybe the tom bombadill story, if that's where that is.
Like the bible, I only got through the first couple chapters. This guy, who was the thing of the place, traveled to this other place. He had a child, thisotherguy. Thisotheruy, became the otherthing of thisotherplace, and eventually had anotherguy.
I am not that person, and The Silmarillion is not my favorite book, but I vastly prefer it to the Lord of the Rings, so maybe I can offer some insight.
I love Tolkien's worldbuilding. Speaking as a linguist, I'm hopelessly biased: I mean forget about it - no one else comes close. But even beyond the philology, I think he absolutely nails the sense of an existing mythology. It feels so incredibly realistic, just like thousands of years of history and myth and reinterpretation and complexity and missing pieces and confusion and emphasis (not coincidentally, this same feel to his constructed languages is what makes them so enticing too).
So that's a big part of it. LotR touches on those things, whereas The Silmarillion is like mainlining them. I don't know if I'd like The Silmarillion as much were it not for LotR to give it a less-sketchy narrative and world to be the mythology to, but given that LotR does exist, I love The Silmarillion all the more.
The other big thing is the writing. I'm sure people's tastes differ, but I honestly don't think Tolkien is a particularly gifted writer. Incredible world-builder, incredible ideas, great story, but not a particularly great writer or a great teller of that story. His prose is merely okay, the pacing is frequently wonky, and the focus is all over the place.
But what he absolutely nails is more structured writing. The Silmarillion has all of his greatest world-building strengths, all of his strength at depicting a realistic mythology (with appropriately realistic holes, focus, etc.), and functions as an almost perfect pastiche of western religious writing. You read it and you immediately see that biblical style. I can certainly imagine a better-written LotR, but I honestly can't imagine a more perfect elf-bible.
The Silmarillion is the work that does the most to showcase the most ingenious kind of invention that Tolkien was capable of, with the most perfectly executed style.
Like I said to the OP, I think my issue is that while I love digging up every nugget of detail on characters I hold dear, The Silmarillion was like listening to your great aunt recount conversations from 50 years ago at a dinner party with people who have been dead for 20 years. If I'm not emotionally invested in the characters before I'm railroaded into 50 pages of what someone thought about a tree, feeding me a grade 10 geneology report isn't going to change that.
That's both of you who've said basically the same thing. Both of you sound like people I'd not only get along really well with, but people who think similar to me with well-aligned habits... and yet I couldn't read Sil if you paid me. Maybe it's a difference of you looking at it world-first whereas I'm looking at it character-first?
Amusingly, I'm no closer to ever picking that book up again, but I'm incredibly fascinated with whatever minor deviations between us cause you to adore it and me to loathe it.
Also...
I'm sure people's tastes differ, but I honestly don't think Tolkien is a particularly gifted writer. Incredible world-builder, incredible ideas, great story, but not a particularly great writer or a great teller of that story.
He was by no means a terrible writer, but people put him on this pedestal for the lore he spawned and often overlook the painful delivery it comes in. When Peter Jackson adopted the books for the films, a lot of the content was cut or altered - some because the format necessitated it, but most because it just wasn't great story in the first place and only existed because Tolkien never had an editor to tell him how gratuitous it was.
I judge a person's character by whether or not they recognize Tom Bombadil is the worst thing ever penned in history. Neil Gaiman likes him, and I still haven't resolved where I stand on that, but that's another matter.
The Silmarillion was like listening to your great aunt recount conversations from 50 years ago at a dinner party with people who have been dead for 20 years.
Here is the difference then: your hyperbolic analogy for how boring The Silmarillion is sounds absolutely delightful to me. In fact, I had a sort of "great aunt" (one of those people you call "aunt" who isn't really related to you) that would talk about her old, dead friends for hours, and I loved to listen to her (She knew Dorothea Lange! I once slept on Dorothea Lange's couch!).
Beyond that difference, I tend to like things that are very good at being what they are, without much regard for whether I love what they are (or rather, it makes me love what they are). It's like admiring the craftsmanship: what I love isn't the characters or plot of The Silmarillion, or that it's well-paced. I don't even particularly love the world. What I love is how perfectly it's constructed. I love that the world feels so real, that the mythology feels like mythology. I love that the elf-bible feels like exactly what an elf bible should be. It's a monumental work, an almost perfect creation. I cannot imagine something that is more like what it sets out to be than it is.
To get even weirder, I don't even think you need to read it like a conventional book to love it (though I have). That isn't how you read the Bible after all. I don't think you even need to read it in its entirety (though I have). If anything, the idea of someone only reading bits and pieces, of finding it boring, of skipping the genealogy, only makes it more perfect to me.
I might be able to help demonstrate what I mean with an even more extreme example: this is the book I have kept on my coffee table for years now. In my experience there are people who are completely uninterested in it beyond briefly laughing at some of the weird pictures, and there are people who immediately fall in love with it, who flip through it for a few seconds and feel electrified. I fall into the latter camp.
I might try to give The Silmarillion another shot. I mean, the last time I tried to read it was over 10 years ago, and I've changed since then. Everything you're saying sound just fantastic and your passion for it seems to stem from all the things I generally hold dear... and really the only counter argument I have is "well, I already tried to read it, and I didn't like it".
Perhaps I just have to push through the memories, because every word you write makes me envious of what you read.
I'm actually reading through it right now for the second time. It's a very hard read, but because of that its very satisfying when you "get" it. There are so many characters, names, places, events, etc, that including an index, map, and pronunciation system are pretty much necessary.
It's not a book you can just read through. You need to put serious thought and effort into making sense of it.
Remember the feeling you would get back in your high school math class when a problem just "clicked"? Its that feeling for 300+ pages.
As someone who has spent immeasurable hours poring over detailed character analyses for minor characters in other stories and seeing all the minute things I missed, I 100% get that and it makes perfect sense.
I think for me the difference was that in the above, I already knew the characters and was able to make an informed choice on wanting to know more, whereas with the Silmarillion, the choice was made for me and it wasn't the one I would have made.
I have middle earth tattoos I'm obsessed and I preferred the Silmarillion probably because I knew a lot of the story of the fellowship. I think the broadening of the lore library was of interest of me. I love how faery they are, almost more mystical than that of Bilbo and beyond.
One of the books of the Prophets probably. Maybe Elijah? It's setting up events to come. If Frodo is Jesus in this metaphor though then I guess that'd make Bilbo John the Baptist?
Dwarves=Hebrews (Especially if you look at the typical negative Jewish stereotype; long hair/beard, big nose, short, loves gold.) Oh also if I remember correctly Dwarvish is based off of Hebrew.
The dwarves trying to retake Erebor after being away and wandering for so long=Hebrews and their relationship with the Promised Land
Gandalf/Bilbo=Moses
Thranduil could also be compared to Pharoah as well, I suppose.
Seeing as how Tolkien was Christian, it's not really a coincidence.
Nope, Torah and Pentateuch refer to the same thing: the first five books of the Tanakh (Jewish name) or the Old Testament (Christian name). Torah is the Hebrew name (so the Jewish term), while Pentateuch is the Greek name (so presumably the Christian term).
I don't remember very many elven kings challenging dark lords to single combat in the phonebook, though. Admittedly, it's been a while since I flipped through it.
I was under the impression he didn't actually write it. It was constructed by his son based of his notes or something. This is why it wasn't really a good read, wasn't really finished.
That's the hardest motherfucking thing I have ever read. My prof recommended I read it to improve my English (I still had problems when I moved to the us for my degree), and it was fantastic. Being written by an Oxford prof shows.
But then I decided to continue with Tolkien, and I realized the Silmarillion is as hard to keep up with as a rushed course of physics 101 if you have no background.
Oh absolutely! Though there is a considerable extent to which a biblical translator's own beliefs about interpretation and whatnot show through. I just figured people looking at the comments on the main comment might be interested.
_Dark ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:23:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It began with the gathering in Bethlehem. Three were the Kings, wisest and richest of all men. Seven were the shepherds, great herders and nomads of the hills. And nine were the angels with their heavenly voices.
For they gathered to meet the one with the strength and power to rule over all peoples. And they were all of them relieved to find him wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
In the land of Nazareth, in synagogues and on the streets, the Lord Jesus spoke to spread to all others the word of God. Into His parables he poured his mercy, benevolence, and will to forgive all peoples. One King above all kings.
One by one, the free men of the Holy Land left behind their lives to follow Jesus, becoming His Apostles. But there were some who resisted.
The Pharisees and Romans condemned the followers of Jesus. They fought against the freedom of their blasphemous religion. But the strength of Jesus' followers grew and could not be undone.
It was in this moment, when the Apostles sat to sup with Jesus, that Judas Iscariot placed the kiss of betrayal on Jesus' face. Jesus, the Lord and Savior of all peoples, was captured.
The decision of Jesus' punishment passed to Pontius Pilate, who had this one chance to free Jesus forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted, and the crowd cried out for Jesus' crucifixion. They betrayed Jesus to his death.
Which makes it really funny how some hyper-conservstive Christian sects think it (and Dungeons & Dragons, the tabletop game based heavily on it) are somehow "evil".
Yebi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:49:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a 4 hour movie, 90% of which is a huge three-way battle scene between the armies of God, Snake, and Men, featuring shitty CGI and impossible acrobatics (think of men jumping 3 meters up in the air to stab archangels in the dick). In the end of the battle, Adam and Eve leave their troops behind to charge some heavily fortified position to win the battle. They succeed, but Eve dies fighting the Holy Spirit.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:21:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is "Heliand", which is an ancient Saxon paraphrase of the Gospel which portrays Jesus as a warrior-chieftain who climbed on the Cross to die in battle for his band of warriors.
Very neat document, it basically teaches Christianity in language that Viking pagans would understand, with Jesus fulfilling and perfecting the ideals of Odin and Thor and ushering in a new age where the old gods have passed away and death and Hel have been defeated. It doesn't denigrate the old religion but shows what was good in the Germanic pagan religion and how Christianity perfects it.
...and then Tolkien said, "In the beginning Eru, the One, who in the Elvish tongue is named Iluvatar, made the Ainur of his thought; and they made a great Music before him. In this Music the World was begun; for Iluvatar made visible the song of the Ainur, and they beheld it as a light in the darkness. And many among them became enamored of its beauty, and of its history, which they saw beginning and unfolding as in a vision. Therefore Iluvatar gave to their vision Being, and set it amid the Void and the Secret Fire was sent to burn at the heart of the World; and it was called Ea". (Valaquenta, 1:1-5)
My roommate suggested a Suzanne Collins-esqe YA retelling of Jesus' origin. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense.
"My name is Jesus, and I was born with special powers. I can heal the sick and walk on water, but I wish only to be a humble carpenter like my father. However, I recently found out my TRUE father is God, and I must spread his teachings. I live in the city of Jerusalem, under the tyrannical rule of the Roman Empire. I wonder if I can make a difference in this dystopian society?"
I'm preparing for the downvotes:
But i Fucking Hate Tolkien's writing. Love middle earth. Love what he made. But how he goes about it is just so tediously boring and aweful. He is the king of run on sentences.
edit: typos
All dark. The glint of fire on grayblack brick. When the time comes, can you do more than what's asked of you? Can you. He spits on the ground notching an arrow in the bow and pulls it back. Wardrums and silent auguries of calmer nights than this. No darker night than this. The beast crosses from the wooden ladder onto his platform and the arrow is loosed and threshes the sinew of the invader's thigh, a murky blood spilling out over black warts and pustules. It groans and brandishes metal still hot from its firing in the depths of this forsook earth.
All the years amount to this. The axe held by the orc swings toward the elf who drops his bow for a pristine knife that Galadriel herself bestowed and the beast falls upon the pure creature and each feels the heat of the other against their body and the cool of the castle stone and the constriction of the armor and they roll neither of them able to manifest an advantage until the orc knocks back the elf and now bloodied the elf moves forward with knife in hand to slice away the corporeal revenant plaguing Helm's Deep and the two children of Eru Ilรบvatar do hack at one another until bloody they fall upon the other while the din of war rings cacophonous in the midnight valley.
This didn't feel anything like McCarthy. So many forced adjectives and pretentious vocabulary. McCarthy feels more natural and simplistic. Delivering the emotion in the moment. Maybe I'm being too judgemental, but this isn't McCarthy. That second paragraph is two sentences... Sorry. Not McCarthy...
I probably sound like a douche. And I'm sorry. But c'mon.
There's a battle scene in Blood Meridian that takes nearly a page and a half and is one sentence.
Here's a description in Blood Meridian as well.
A legion of horribles, hundreds in number, half naked or clad in costumes attic or biblical or wardrobed out of a fevered dream with the skins of animals and silk finery and pieces of uniform still tracked with the blood of prior owners, coats of slain dragoons, frogged and braided cavalry jackets, one in a stovepipe hat and one with an umbrella and one in white stockings and a bloodstained weddingveil and some in headgear of cranefeathers or rawhide helmets that bore the horns of bull or buffalo and one in a pigeontailed coat worn backwards and otherwise naked and one in the armor of a spanish conquistador, the breastplate and pauldrons deeply dented with old blows of mace or saber done in another country by men whose very bones were dust and many with their braids spliced up with the hair of other beasts until they trailed upon the ground and their horsesโ ears and tails worked with bits of brightly colored cloth and one whose horseโs whole head was painted crimson red and all the horsemenโs faces gaudy and grotesque with daubings like a company of mounted clowns, death hilarious, all howling in a barbarous tongue and riding down upon them like a horde from a hell more horrible yet than the brimstone land of Christian reckoning, screeching and yammering and clothed in smoke like those vaporous beings in regions beyond right knowing where the eye wanders and the lip jerks and drools.
Deggit ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:30:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It depends which book, it's a little florid for The Road or NCFOM but it would fit right at home in Blood Meridian.
If you could quote a sentence that long found in any McCarthy book I'd take my original statement back.
I know I still sounds like a douche, but bare with me.
wtsktte ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 05:46:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, how much McCarthy have you read?
"When the wind was in the north you could hear them, the horses and the breath of the horses and the horses' hooves that were shod in rawhide and the rattle of lances and the constant drag of the travois poles in the sand like the passing of some enormous serpent and the young boys naked on wild horses jaunty as circus riders and hazing wild horses before them and the dogs trotting with their tongues aloll and foot-slaves following half naked and sorely burdened and above all the low chant of their traveling song which the riders sang as they rode, nation and ghost of nation passing in a soft chorale across that mineral waste to darkness bearing lost to all history and all remembrance like a grail the sum of their secular and transitory and violent lives."
From the first 5 pages of All the Pretty Horses. McCarthy is the king of run-on sentences.
Fair enough! I love that book. I honestly don't remember him dragging his sentences to that length, but I hope you can still see the difference between the aforementioned quote and the comment where the user attempted to mimick the style. Regardless, I'll eat my words.
I guess it doesn't seem like a run on sentence because of his natural talent when it comes to his word choice.
But honestly, even from your quote to contradict my argument, I feel like this is still a testament to how McCarthy is very different than the simulated quote. But maybe I'm just being picky.
Edit: I am being picky. Just tell me to go fuck myself. I'm drunk.
Must read, and I'm talking possibly greatest thing on the internet must read: The Taco Trilogy Yelp review (3 parts) by Cormac McCarthy. Yelping with Cormac: http://yelpingwithcormac.tumblr.com
Came here specifically to see if anyone mentioned McCarthy, I was thinking it would be funny for him to cover some sort of teen book like Twilight or The Hunger Games, but now I want nothing more than to read a McCarthy version of LOTR.
Gollum. We can find it from the Shire. From the Bagginses.
I know something better. I know where it is going to be.
Where is that, precious? Where is that, eh? gollum, gollum
It will be brought to me and placed at my feet. Now you know what is going to happen, Smeagol?
We don't knows, no we don't, precious!
The wraith pulled something from the folds within it's ancient cloak. A glint of silver. Old, weathered. Any markings it had been cast with had faded from it long ago.
What is the most you have ever lost on the toss of a coin?
Martians and humans both lived on giant dirt balls that spun and spun and ran circles around a giant fire ball. Humans sustained themselves by pushing calories wrapped in useless garbage through holes in their faces into squishy organs that converted the useless garbage into useful fertilizer and gave the calories to the rest of the body through a wildly elaborate freeway system in a sticky gooey fluid that some joker named after the same stuff that made up the giant fire ball: Plasma. Martians sustained themselves by stealing plasma from humans. So it goes.
I would really dig a Vonnegut "cover" of A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. Hank Morgan would finally get to swear the way Mark Twain would have wanted him to anyway. And instead of being an engineer from the steam age, he'd be an engineer from the atomic age, so there's a very good chance that instead of just wiping out feudal society, the book would end with the extermination of the entire human race, which would be a lot of fun.
But in the way I see the world, Mark Twain is god and Kurt Vonnegut is his prophet, so of course my choice would involve those two.
I took a class on Vonnegut and for the most part I'm not the biggest fan, but I brought up how much I loved A Connecticut Yankee to my professor and he said he didn't like Twain that much. And this guy is probably Vonnegut's number one fan.
"One of you filthy barbarians, get Kurtz!" My attorney screamed at the gang of natives. They weren't having any of this. Their apparent leader, a hulking brute that could easily beat the mortal shit out of a dozen of us with just a sap, made no move.
"Don't make me use this!" My attorney's hand lashed out, slicing the stiff, jungle air with the hunting knife. He was lost. His own mind as dark and unnavigable as this black continent. His senses gone in the grip of a terrible acid binge. It was only a matter of time before these uncivilized tribesmen had enough. Sooner, I felt, rather than later, these barbarians, the jungle, the darkness that spanned this entire, foresaken continent, would roll over the Nellie like a tidal wave and swallow us.
Jesus, I thought to myself. This is it. I've come as far down this god-awful river as any civilized man can. A steady diet of the strongest intoxicating agents known to man had not helped us. All along, it was a suicide trip.
The looming jungle seemed to press in on the Nellie. We seemed so small then. So far away from home. How far had we come? How many desperate, hopeless miles had we raced down these vile African waters in search of truth? It was the tension between the two poles-the light of civilization on one end, the heart of darkness on the other, that kept me going. Somewhere between the two, I would find him. That bastard. Kurtz.
From the prow of the Nellie, my attorney continued to scream and swear at the brooding natives.
"We're not like this," I wanted to say. "You see, we're civilized." The buffet of stimulants, downers, hallucinogens and general fuck-you-uppers mangled the words before I said them.
The native man, the big one looked to my attorney, then to me. "Mistah Kurtz." The savage said, "He dead."
We had come here looking for a man. The only thing we had found was that all along, we ourselves were beasts.
A sudden gasp of words escaped my throat. "The horror." I moaned. "The horror."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:25:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is seriously fucking good. In my head it's a chorus of Thompson, Depp, Sheen and Conrad. So confusing.
The (never republished) comic anthology Slime had a story of a boy who calls upon on the Big Brother of his stuffed tiger/lion to take care of his murderous stepparents.
Quite life-like...
But then you'd end up with straightforward horror. You'd have to rip out like, all of those reference pages, "destroyed entries", and what of the Thumper sex? You tell me I'd have to miss out on Johnny's first experience with butt play? Pshhaw.
I have a feeling that would be the creepiest shit I ever read. Lovecraft's dramatic tension and eldritch horror coupled with Danielewski's ability to put the reader into the story. I definitely wouldn't sleep well after reading that. shudders
Pullman wrote His Dark Materials, a story about kids with actual adult themes, they even fucking kill God in it...
It's been a while, but, IIRC, no they don't? His ride crashes and they try to help him, but at that point, he's so fragile, he just dissipates in the wind.
Also, not technically god, just the first being known to exist.
But again, it's been a while, so I might be mis-remembering.
I mean, they take God out of the box (allusions to Pandora's box, with hope being left inside). So you're both kinda right. The kids accidentally kill God, and God likes it. Called the Authority in the book.
I've got a question. In the first book they mention a baker whose daemon is also male. Was that a sign he was gay or that he was trans? Either one makes sense to me but I was wondering if there was more that might be indicate if it's one or the other.
Every paper I read on the topic indicated a same sex daemon indicated homosexuality, however, I wasn't studying queer interpretations of the texts so mostly when I came across those essays they went into the "not relevant" pile. I don't know that Pullman has ever answered that question directly either.
And Metatron is a neat character because it is more traditionally 'godly' and certainly harder to kill than the authority. Literally, after God is dead, the supporters of that (presumably false) God are still fighting violently in its name.
I really hope he does justice to the story. IMO the third book lost the narrative punch of the first two, and the first book will always be my favorite - but I hope he finds his voice again, and knocks it out of the park.
I've got a question. In the first book they mention a baker whose daemon is also male. Was that a sign he was gay or that he was trans? Either one makes sense to me but I was wondering if there was more that might be indicate if it's one or the other.
I think this reading is reasonable. Others have noticed this character, but it is also the exception to the rule. It could simply be an indication of his gender identity, rather than his sexuality. Obviously he addresses gender via the protagonist and his unravelling of the 'eve' stereotypes, and the deception/manipulation that the gender is stereotyped to utilise. Lyra/Liar being the prime example of this stereotype. He also deals closely with how 'young ladies' are supposed to behave. Lyra is the leader. She makes the plans. She tells the stories. She opens the wine in the basement of the college. Pullman is very concerned with gender, and I am sure this is a nod towards that. It is possible this character is only a nod because Pullman felt the scope of his narrative was already too broad, and thus he would rather address religiosity than gender specifically.
I think demiurge doesn't really fit, because there are allusions to the concept that the authority didn't really create anything, or that he was created (invented) by mortals. But that being said, God doesn't really fit for the same reason, which I think is why Pullman calls it the authority. Basically, this is a spiritual manifestation of society's concept of God. I don't know. It's been a while since I read the books and I should go back and refresh my memory on the details of the authority - my thesis dealt with adulthood and adolescence so I stayed away from the religious contexts because it was dangerous to get mired in that conversation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The demiurge isn't a creator either. Really though, this exchange just reminds me it's time for a reread.
I meant it more, Pullman kills (lets God die) him in the book.
Considering the whole series is about how religion isn't real and the interconnected energy of the universe(s) is what really matters I don't see why anyone cares about that specifically ยฏ|(ใ)/ยฏ
Could be wrong, but wasn't he more critical of organised religious orthodoxy? I mean they kill God, but at the same time Pullman doesn't reject the more overtly spiritual elements like Dust (in fact, if I'm not wrong it ends up being a force for good?)
Dust is a metaphor for intelligence and critical thinking. Dust helps people (adilts specifically) understand the world and makes them question and wonder about things around them. People without Dust are basically thoughtless drones.
Pullman isn't very spiritual, and the more spiritual aspects of his books are more focused on the good in humanity and what humans can accomplish.
Dust helps people (adilts specifically) understand the world and makes them question and wonder about things around them.
But that's ultimately the same line of reasoning that leads people to form some sense of spirituality. Honestly though, I think we both agree with each other, even if we express our meanings differently. All throughout the books, you see a marriage of science and spirituality. The Church in Lyra's world is tied to learning institutions like Oxford (I think - it's been a while), and in our world, the scientist in the second book discovers Dust by using Chinese spiritual fortune telling sticks in a way similar to the Golden Compass (not even going to try and spell it). I mean, angels are just concentrated Dust, and those weird elephant things gained a religion when exposed to Dust.
Honestly, I think I've just convinced myself that Dust just represents consciousness and, like religion or critical thinking, isn't inherently good or bad, but is made so by human actions. But give it until October and it'll probably turn out where both wrong (you've got me hyped for The Book of Dust)
I thought he was just the first angel who convinced humanity that he was god? Isn't that what got him banished or something...it's been a long time.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:44:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could be very wrong and there are definitely a few (a lot) holes, but here's what I think happens.
The Authority was created by the first being to exist (he was created out of Dust) who lied and claimed to be the Creator, thus posing as God. The fallen angels e.g. Xaphania were rebels who found out that he was lying (and are a reference to Lucifer etc.). 'God' elected Metatron as it's Regent and in order to preserve (now weak for some reason?) God, placed it in a crystal coffin. Lyra and Will cut open the crystal coffin and 'God' is so weak that he dies on contact with the atmosphere.
So yes, Lyra and Will can be said to have killed the being posing as God, which infers the Church is founded on lies. Pullman doesn't actually state whether the concept a Creator actually exists though.
I was so excited for the movie and then I was so disappointed. It was almost as bad as the "last airbender" movie.
From what I remember though, I could at least make it through The Golden Compass without screaming at the screen in a fit of rage. Can't say the same for the shit M. Night cooked up.
I wouldn't even put them in the same category. The Golden Compass had, it has to be said, a stellar cast--Sam Elliott, Eva Green, and Ian McKellen were note-perfect--and it's a pretty fun watch that realized the world of the books beautifully even if it diverted rather seriously from the book at certain points. I think a lot of what went wrong with that film could be attributed to executive meddling, especially vis a vis The Magisterium.
I can totally agree, I guess the only thing I can compare then, is the disappointment. Again it wasn't, like you say, a bad movie. I just... those books changed me big time. I actually grew up in a Catholic family, ( while my immediate family did kind of stray from the traditional catholicism, differing beliefs were frowned upon, at least at that point of their lives) and I read those books when I was pretty young still. It shaped a large part of my religious beliefs.
I say all that to say; I had some pretty high expectations, and while it isn't a movie nearly as bad as the airbender flop, it didn't live up to my own standards I had set at the time. And I guess that's how it reminded me of M. Night's horror picture show.
That's completely fair. I was also extremely disappointed by the movie when I first saw it. I've since tried to take a more positive perspective, since some of the visuals and performances from that movie either matched or actually replaced my conceptions from reading the book (again, Sam Elliott).
That's exactly right. He is not God, just the first angel who told all the other angels that came after that he created them. Only his second in command, Metatron, is aware of the truth.
The Catholics were still in an uproar about it. Not the "children seek out and actively murder God himself" part, really, though that's a good sound bite, but more the fact that the whole point of religion is always only ever to perpetuate itself, and it's only ever servitude to some other being that claims to be above you, especially the Catholics. There is intrinsic, measurable, quantifiable good and evil in the universe, and God and his empire aren't good. It's a fantastic story and I highly recommend it to anybody.
They to this day are my favorite books. It's sad the movies got quashed after the first one. I think that's around the time the Catholic church started having a real problem with it. But it really focused on what seems to be very sensitive points in the church.
It's sad the movies got quashed after the first one
They got quashed because the first movie was absolutely terrible and performed as such in theaters. Hopefully in the future there will be a remake of the first and then have the 2nd and 3rd follow.
I'd heard of the issues before reading the book in class (Hey kids, pick a book from this list, but don't take that last one if your parents might have issues with it, it's on some other lists as well but we're allowed to provide it for you) but I frankly think the movie fucked itself over. The producers wanted to make sure they had a sequel and so they wanted to make sure they had a bright happy ending - almost like they didn't read the fucking books at all. The way the movie ended was perfect, for the movie that it was, but they made sure no more movie needed to be made. If they had left the original book ending exactly as it was, it'd have been another twenty minutes of movie, and literally everybody that saw it would be clamoring for the next one! You don't spend the whole story building up her quest to find her father and then not solve it, when the actual story has such a perfect way of dealing with that final encounter ("I did not send for you!") and those last few pages show you so, so much about what Pullman is trying to do with the whole series.
They open the container keeping him corporeal so in essence by ignorance they do kill god. He was the first angel and more of "god" in name. Since he told the other angels he created them.
Their innocence killed him. They were trying to help him but ultimately made things worse.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did they understand he wasn't the true Creator/had called himself God? I guess if they were trying to help him they did in a sense make it worse from their POV. I feel like I can never quite comprehend everything implied by the end of HDM.
Sort of. An ancient being that was the first lord and called himself the creator, God. At this point, the war against heaven is actively raging. Will and Lyra are trying to get across the battlefield. A cohort of angels had been trying to get God to safety, but seem to have either died or dumped him and ran. Will and Lyra find him, fragile, old, in essentially a glass coffin. Lyra doesn't know who he is, but feels terrible for home. They open the coffin to try to help, and he dissipates. They do kill god, but it was not their intent. They also don't truly know what they did.
As I recall he is god. Just not the way the characters perceive god as an all knowing all powerful being. He is in fact the being who claims to be god basically he is the wizard.
Yes I just re-listened to his dark materials my god it's a breathtaking and intricate series.
To piggy back, I would want Phillip Pullman to write a series on dumbledors life from grindlevold to Harry. Dumbledor had that rich deepeness that I think Pullman could capture.
...the entire thing was blatantly anti-theist. The church and "The Authority" (God) are the main antagonists and pretty straight-up despicable.
Unless that's what you meant. I do agree he goes a bit overboard in the third book.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct me if I'm wrong - Pullman doesn't actually criticise the concept of a Creator, just the 'God' the Church and Authority blindly believe in and faith as a whole.
Hm...could be, it's been several years since I read it last. I can't remember if he ever commented specifically on the general concept of a creator, or if he solely critiqued religion.
7in7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow, His Dark Materials made me connect less and less to religion.
Dumbledor is a cunt. Straight up manipulated Harry's life from the day he heard that prophecy until the day harry died again. Almost bad as those dick head Weasleys(Ron, Ginny, Molly).
How manipulative he was is purely up to how the reader interprets things, though, isn't it? It's not purely stated, or really even heavily implied that Dumbledore manipulated Harry.
And I honestly don't understand your issue with Ron, Ginny, and Molly.
Sounds like fanfiction may have warped your opinion of a couple characters, mate.
Dumbledore was a very good character, I think. He fucked up quite a bit, but we see it all from HP's perspective, not his. I think a book starring Dumbledore would be awesome. We'd get more insights into his mind, the way he ticks. Maybe we could actually figure out whether or not he was a manipulative old bastard or not.
Those books are so good. And then the movie came out, and my BFF saw it and then immediately told me not to touch it with a ten foot pole because.... ):
I need to re-read those books. They are excellent.
Yes, if you avoided the movie you did a good thing. It literally ends right before the ending of the book, you know, when the whole world expands and she meets her father. Bam fade to black just with the part that may have redeemed a bit of the movie.
On the bright side, someone told me the BBC is going a mini-series... :)
Oh, I will try not to get my hopes up. But I probably will. I have more faith in them than others though, and also that it would just work better with the time frame a mini series would be able to give it.
I'll see any movie with armored polar bears in it, just on principle, I tend to agree that they edited it to make it more palatable. The end of the book is cut off so it has the nice happy conclusion that the book denies.
Just look up the armored polar bear scene on youtube. That was the only part of the movie done perfectly. You don't get the explanation of why Iorek's tactic worked like you do in the book, but it's worth it to hear the voice and see it in action.
Honestly, nothing.... it's there sequels that go downhill quickly. They have good ideas but they just... the Maze runner starts ontop of the mountain and just plummets sadly. :(
Even the Maze Runner has some weak parts, though. It's pacing is a bit weird especially at the start, some of the characters aren't really as fleshed out a they could be, and Thomas is about as generic a hero as you can have in a young adult book. That said, it's still pretty good for young adult fiction.
But then we get to the ending and find out [SPOILERS] it's just another post-apocalyptic series complete with a cataclysmic world changing event and a rage virus. The author doesn't even do anything new with it, the sequels treat it like every other story in the genre.
The ending also has to be one of the most depressing endings to any young adult book series ever, but not in a poignant or poetic way. It's just a straight downer ending where the heroes fail but there's no greater meaning or message, it's just the heroes fail but they get away, and that's it. The Hunger Games series had a downer ending but there was meaning behind it and it felt like the proper ending to the story. It was the proper way to end Katniss' arc, and she still accomplished her goals just with heavy losses. Maze Runner just ends and you feel let down because it all ended up being meaningless and nobody learned or accomplished anything.
In my opinion the setting set it up to be a sort of thriller/terror story, like it would be super dark, but it was just SO YA. And like I enjoy a YA book but I just felt like the premise as a dark psychological horror book instead would have been so much better
it's because they're middle grade books. boys in 6th grade (? ish, i might be wrong with the age) and up are less likely to read, so having books aimed toward them that get banned from schools for swearing is really not going to help.
They are aimed towards 8 year olds. I'd love a smutty, gory, treacherous version
sephtis ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark materials is the strangest read. It's like watching the battle for the universe from the point of view of children, a random physicist, a sentient talking bear, a hot air balloon pilot, and Ada wong if she had a golden monkey for a soul
Hoo boy, I remember having more trouble reading these in Middle School than Lord of the Rings (although I didn't try the Silmarillion, that wasn't until High School)
I want to read any YA sci Fi or fantasy re-done seriously.
So many books suffer from the "teen" genre.
Divergent springs to mind as a similar example. Like, thanks for taking that idea and ruining it guys. We could have had a great epic series but no, you used it up on a teen drama.
God you hit the nail on the head with this one. His Dark Materials is my favourite series of all time, and I remember reading The Maze Runner and thinking the premise was so interesting but as I kept reading it just got worse and worse... It'd be really interesting to see what direction it would go with Pullman as cover author.
OH MY GOD YES. I so wanted Maze Runner to be good and it just isn't. Everything is a predictable cliche and the writing just isn't that compelling. Phillip Pulman would be awesome, or Rick Yancey (who did The 5th Wave; the whole trilogy is surprisingly gripping and awesome).
I believe I just got to that part, and it was such a minor event. I am definitely surprised.
oggyb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God yes, Pullman has the technique to spare to rescue any dross with a decent premise. I can only begin to imagine the amazing and insane world he'd create outside of the maze.
I was just looking through audible and boy do I have news for this whole thread.
He (pullman) actually is writing a sequel to the His Dark Materials series, called Book of Dust. Just figured all y'all would be interested. I know I am!
Edit: apparently he already wrote one, called Lyra's Oxford. I'm assuming there's more too, so check them out!
Something to add to the maze runner, there's a part in another book dashner wrote where it is implicitly said that the maze runner was a fucking video game the whole time
The novel begins with a passage which seems, at times,overly detached from the whimsical horror of the anthropomorphized feline. "The sun did not shine.1
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold, wet day.
I sat there with Sally.2 We sat there, we two. And I said,
โHow I wish
We had something to do!โ
Too wet to go out
And too cold to play ball.
So we sat in the house.
We did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
S i t !
And
we
did little
not One bit.
like Not
it.
And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!
We looked!
Then we saw him step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Cat in the Hat!3"
It is only now we are introduced to the titular horror.
While many say this book's events are purely fantastical there has been quite the debate among some scholars due to claw marks on Sally and the house which would otherwise have been impossible.
Regardless, it is apparent that "Seuss" has produced a work of literature which hasn't quite been seen before, evoking a primal horror of the unknown, and the present.
Footnotes:
The fixation Seuss has on the Sun and the lack thereof resembles that of many creation myths, particularly those originating in the cultures of the indigenous American Indians, however this subject has already been addressed at length in other works which would be better explored by the reader than gone into here. Of particular note are Dr. Seuss and the Prototypical Sun Myth, an Exploration by S. T. Morganson and Overcoming Darkness Through Whimsy in the Earlier Works of Seuss by the aforementioned Morganson and Margaret Nielsen.
As a reader of this book I assume you have delved into the more readily available materials on the whole fiasco. Sally's interview with Vogue4 is particularly easy to find and one of the more telling, the horror and separation she displays are quite real. Other interviews she has done before and after the events with the Cat in the Hat stress the difficulty her and Seuss were having in their marriage, suggesting to some scholars that the entire ordeal was merely an allegory for the struggles of modern marriage and separation anxiety. The mastery with which Seuss weaves her documented quotes with more fantastical meter must truly be noted here, though of course that is more subjective than the subject matter of this document would require.
You know the drill, there was never a fucking vogue interview with "Sally" whoever the hell that is. This old loon seems to have made all of this bullshit up, there was never a book about a cat wearing a goddamned hat. I swear it makes my spine crazy though and my cat has been looking at me strange though, I even called Vogue to confirm all of the Sallies they had interviewed. Watched too many stuck up ladies talking about their new lines of handbags and none of them so much as even mentioned cats.
This part is covered in blood or coffee. I was drinking some coffee with a girl last week after work, can't even think of doing so anymore, the bitter taste makes me think of weird clawed beasts with overly fancy headgear creeping at the side of my sight. When I brought her home she said I was tossing and turning in my sleep, scared her right the fuck off which my mumblings about "disembowelment by beret adorned panthers or some shit."
Holy crap. I haven't read Danielewski but if it's half as good as this, now I want to.
Majache ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:08:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves, definitely my favorite. The book takes a serious note and switches literary narrative between 3 people by font type. So it's a book, of a journal, of a bunch of video tapes. Danielewski sometimes has entire chapters about sound or mythology that at first seem irrelevant but tie in well. Because the facts of the matter help tie into the horror.
Before any thing that now is or ever was in all history, both known and clandestine, had even the seed of it made material there was but a single being in existence, dwelling within the vast nothingness of its domain, an incomprehensible void which its sole inhabitant would be alone in beholding the dark tranquility of, living isolated for an unknown and unperceived amount of time until at last, by a means and ability known to none other than itself, it crafted the space and matter of which all other existing forms are composed. This being called now by many names: the creator, provider, healer, avenger, the one who was, is, and always will be was at the time named by itself alone Elohim, the plurality of its name a seeming paradoxical declaration of its own multitude, being all things from which all things are born. It's living breath covered a particular dark mass, whose bulk was empty water with its purity contaminated only by the shapeless unbound elements hydrated as if an amorphous clump of modeller's clay, with great interest and intent. Elohim then began to speak, an event inferred by many now as an unprecedented milestone signifying the beginning of all things though lacking at that time the scale of things which had been done even the paragon of miracles was mundane and busy.
I did not initially understand the full ramifications of what I had done, however as time presented itself it has become increasingly manifest that the curse which was told to me upon my exile would, in truth, come fully into fruition. The burden of my ruination is upon not myself alone, but it plagues forever all the legacy which I may accomplish. My father has always shewn abounding adoration for his children, even in punishment he made grand exhibition of his profound graciousness, did I not suppose that such grace was to be unending? When I did defy my father, taking into consideration none of his warnings, by stealing for my own self that which he sanctified as untouchable, he said to me that in the very day I took of it I would surely die. I rejoiced in my life, when his words did not realize themselves, thinking that by his heart he had as much compassion for my sake as to make himself a liar. Of the prolific dredgings of curses wrought upon mankind for my sake I had thought death would be spared, only upon learning of the cruel, calamitous murder of my own son did I properly fathom the weight of my consequences. I have lived a multitude of toilsome, woe laden years, awaiting with sick anticipation the day I suffer my own warranted death. It is only now that I find myself in tangible proximity to mortal expiration that revelation comes of my father's meaning: "You shall die in the very day you eat of that tree." for one thousand years, to him is as a day.
Whole bible? Maybe one book at a time. I've actually wanted to novelize the bible for a while, but not like this. This was simply an exercise in insanity. Maybe I could do individual short stories similar to The Curse of Yig, The Beast in the Cave, etc for single bible stories.
As Jesus walked upon the water, a single, slithering tentacle broke the surface of the water. It flew towards his leg, wrapped around it, and pulled him under. As the last few bubbles of air that had escaped from his mouth popped, a thundering voice echoed throughout the heads of a that were present.
It's about how if you give a man free commodities and things, he will grow greedy and demand more. The mouse only wants a cookie, to live, but grow greedy tough and demands the boy and his school friends build him a mansion.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:26:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in an actual, fully communist state, wouldn't there be no boy to hand out the cookie? Just a bunch of mice having to make their own cookies themselves?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
aqouta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is why utopian communism has a huge logistics issue.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well with any utopian society there are huge issues really.
There would be no boy. The mice would make the cookies, and the ruling class/state would take them for redistribution. You only get what you put into communism, and usually less. If one man wants more than a cookie, then that means so many others would starve and not get theirs.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:32:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, what I'm saying is that, from my understanding, the people make their own cookies. There is no one to take the cookies and redistribute them, just people making cookies for themselves. That was what I understood to be the "goal" of a communist state, to not have anyone ruling or making decisions. Everyone living by their own work and their own welfare. Not a dictatorship like we've seen with other "communist" states, but a place without any ruling class.
Those pants didn't magically fit each girl perfectly, no, instead they fit each girl perfectly because the girls worked hard to make them fit without any government interference.
Twilight by Palahniuk could actually be one hell of a read. He'd focus on all the dark shit, turn the characters into amoral freaks, and make the romantic stuff disturbing enough to make your skin crawl. Bella would suck giant wolf cocks and abort Edward's rape baby, which he eventually digs out of a dumpster and turns into a vampire. And of course, it turns out by the end that vampires and werewolves aren't real, Edward's just a junkie taunting her with a dead fetus, and Jacob is a stray German Shepard that reminded her of a boy that was nice to her one time.
A bit of a stretch but...Beautiful You is Chuck's version of 50 Shades which was, as we all know, originally a fanfic based on Twilight so it's not too far off.
Honestly, I'm not sure it would be any different. The prose would probably be a little tighter, a little more blunt, but CO is probably one of the novels that Chuck's own voice is inspired by.
Came here to say this. It would probably be a little easier to read, language-wise, but overall not that different. I would, however, read the shit out of William Gibson's CO.
I mean arguably I see the guy you're replying to's point though. It'd be interesting to read 1-11 without the heavy handedness that was Jordan. Less braid tugging, Egwene whining and Perrin I'd imagine.
sk_2013 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:21:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less heavyhanded, but Jordan's worldbuilding was stronger than Sanderson's, I think.
Besides, say what you will, I like Perrin, though Egwene and Nyneve irritate me. I admit, half the reason I like it when Cadsuane showed up was that she was a female character who wasn't trying to get in Rand's pants, didn't need to be coddled, and didn't whine and bitch incessantly.
Honestly, it seems like Robert Jordan has this super weird kind of anti-woman feminism in his books; all of the women are incredibly strong-willed and independent, yet they're all invariably portrayed as stubborn, bitchy, and talk way too often about men.
Which would make it perfect. Already having the world, but editing things for better flow, less whining and bitching. Some parts feel a lot like the Taming of the Shrew - have a bitchy woman finally get laid and boom, she's less bitchy.
And Rand - I wish there was less whining about the women around him dying and more focus on EVERYONE who gets killed in this struggle, how he feels it's all his fault, how can he live up to these expectations, but he HAS to, but he's already failed in former lifetimes and that lifetime is trying to break into the now...
I think that Rand would be so much more interesting. I'd rush through his guilt-tripping, memorizing and recalling every WOMAN's face that died...jfc give me a break.
Honestly, cadsuane could have been removed completely from this series and it would only improve things. Or maybe the aelfinn thing just not happening so she was never needed.
I wish she actually taught more. Like, she's this awesome powerful woman with amazing knowledge and we barely see it. She had so much potential!
I fully admit though, it's been at least a decade since I read the earlier books and I never finished the last one (three). I was starting to like Egwene as the Amarlin, showing her use of knowledge/history to sway others to her side and change the tower from within.
Agreed! I'll edit this in a minute when I find it, but all I can recall is someone doing a joke outline of how the series should have ended and the line "Cadsuane is placed in a catapault and launched into the sky Mind yourmannerssss "
nvm the line is as follows:
Rand HITS Cadsuane on her HEAD, has her TIED UP and placed in a CATAPULT.
Cadsuane is COLDY DIGNIFIED.
"If you are going to act like a petulant child, you can expect that..."
Rand PULLS the LEVER. Cadsuane is FLUNG a great DISTANCE and is NOT HEARD
FROM AGAIN.
Yeah, honestly she was refreshing at first, but later on...
I don't know what RJ's deal was. Maybe just no idea how to write female characters, maybe the male characters have their own shticks that they do and we miss or he thinks they do and they don't.
Honestly the problem is the fact that you have to accept a setting where the gender dynamic we accept as "normal" has no way of existing in a world where like 1/10 dudes just go crazy and die, and have since 5000 or so years ago.
But seriously I'm about halfway through winter's heart and cadsuane can die in a fire. Perrin still needs a spine to tell half the women in his life to get off his shit and the other half to actually talk to him instead of sniffing and running away. Mat is tops, and Rand is 22, so all the whining makes sense.
Yeah - Mat and Perrin were my favorite central characters and I feel like Perrin's development just...stalled.
Still, all the talk of Rand having to harden himself vs. Cadsuane's plan to make him strong, feels like the failing of telling vs. showing. I feel like very little teaching is actually going on.
I need to just finish the series, but I feel like I've forgotten so much but I can't reread the whole series. Any recommendations on where to jump back in? I haven't read the prequel or the last book/three books.
Honestly, I think if you had that much trouble with it but you made it to perrin's stalled development, try and find a recap online, and start at Knife of Dreams. Aside from being the last non-sanderson book in the series, a lot of folks seem to agree that it really reads a lot better than books 7-10, which were a very long slog where not much happens
Basically character development gets a little repetitive (aside from matt) and you feel like the books just drag. Knife of Dreams, The Gathering Storm, Towers of Midnight, and A Memory of Light are probably some of the best books in the series, if only because the long awaited mass wrapping up of plotlines happens
You're welcome! I recommend that if you enjoy this kind of epic, long, massive in scope and scale kind of story, check out The Malazan Books of the Fallen, by Steven Eriksson. It's kinda like WoT but for adults.
The Lord Ruler was vexed. Tugging on her braids, she called for the samhaidren to attend to her. While the samhaidren was composed of the strongest women in the Final Empire, the Lord Ruler was even stronger, and made sure to impose her will on them at every opportunity.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:07:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, women lead the resistance. The Lord Ruler is Rand in an alternate storyline where he never experienced Veins of Gold, managed to re-patch the bore, and then proceeded to rule the world with a stone (...no iron ...no steel ...no cuendillar) fist to prevent the seal from weakening again.
This is actually pretty amusing to think about. :)
His books were better than at least the previous four books written by Jordan, so I would too.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:05:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It felt to me like it finally got back to the tone it had in the first half of the series and was so refreshing. Even splitting the intended last book into 3 wasn't enough though; so much had to be rushed through. I'd have been happy for him to write 10 more.
I have issues reading a lot of authors- Stephen King, GRRM, Tolkien. They're too dry for me. Too descriptive. Book doesn't grab me.
I have the opposite problem with Sanderson. I can't put the damned book down.
rimnii ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:48:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Brandon Sanderson's work and when I finished and hoped to move on to other authors... I just started re-reading his books... I can't get enough.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:09:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, this has done it for me, I'm gonna pick up one of his books. I loved his Wheel of Time contributions but never branched out into his other stuff.
Especially towards the end. When I got to the start of the avalanche that was the ending of Way of Kings, I literally spent the entire day just reading that book.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:41:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iirc When Sanderson was writing the second book in the second mistborn series to get himself back into writing mistborn he wrote the whole 3rd book in the same series.
Elhiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:27 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has another method as well, he always writes 8 hours a day, like a normal job.
Tons of writers write 8 hours a day or more like a "regular job," but most aren't as prolific. Also, writing 8 hours a day doesn't give you 8 hours worth of usable writing. A lot of writers limit themselves to writing X hours or X pages but you can have days, weeks, months of writing garbage before you get into the flow. Then you might write 10 straight days of stuff that barely needs editing and fits plots and themes you didn't even realize you were aiming for.
Zireks ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:29:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably taking his time to make absolutely sure he doesn't screw up the Stormlight Archieves. That series is to him what Avatar is to James Cameron. But even still slow for him is fast for Martin
jofwu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only seems that way since he spent the last year and a half focusing on Oathbringer. When it releases later this year he'll be very close to 5 million words.
Chart. Overall pace is around 375k words per year. 2015 was a slow year at 245k. But 2014 was 486k, 2016 was 390k, and 2017 will be around 540k after Oathbringer. The running average will actually be at it's highest at the end of this year since 2010 (when TWoK and ToM released the same year).
He really isn't a super fast writer. He's just consistent. And he communicates openly, which makes the waiting game easier.
I watched the writing lectures he does at BYU online recently (link for the curious; it's 12 videos that are about an hour each), and in one of them, he mentioned that he wrote either six or thirteen full books before he got Elantris published.
Probably. That, and in one of the forwards I have read from a friend of his talked about his early stuff having less than . . . critical conflicts. For example he wrote of a magical school that the characters went to . . . . and that was it. No one attacked the school, no one wanted to close the school.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:53:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some were just not good (according to Brandon) and have been abandoned altogether. Some were significantly reworked and released (e.g. The Way of Kings Prime). Some were cannibalized--good ideas taken out and worked into other stories (e.g. the concept of "bridge four" came from another book?). Some he plans to rewrite down the road (e.g. Dragonsteel).
White Sand was rewritten, but he still wasn't happy with it. It's now being turned into a graphic novel. But you can request a copy of White Sand Prose, and he has entertained the possibility of publishing an updated version of the prose one day.
There are a few others that you can find by asking or digging in the right place. I think Dragonsteel Prime was his thesis and the BYU library has a copy or two, for example.
Oh boy, there's just something about his writing style that makes hours of reading feel like minutes. I blew through the Mistborn trilogy in 4 days of nonstop reading over my spring break.
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the sex and swearing would be cut out, and you'd have the strangest feeling you were reading Mormon cryptopropaganda, but it'd still manage to be a great read.
Hahaha, I thought I was the only one who got that feeling from his books.
Zireks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:29:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not exactly sure what your talking about, care to explain?
jofwu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think some people are simply uncomfortable with the role of religion in his books. You do sometimes wonder if he's trying to voice a certain message about religion.
Zireks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Again could you elaborate more on something specific? I haven't read beyond the original Mistborn trilogy so I can't think of any examples.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:17:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, first would be the general acceptance of religion at all. To someone strongly atheist, that can be uncomfortable. These are books where gods often exist, and religion is easily accepted and perceived positively. As a more concrete example, I think a lot atheists would take issue with the logic Sazed follows in his religious journey.
Personally, I feel the opposite. Most of these gods have a "natural" explanation which undercuts their status. But then... The whole concept of the Shards (e.g. Preservation and Ruin) bears a lot of similarity to Mormon theology. Namely that "God the Father" was one a very human-like(?), physical being who ascended into godhood. There are more subtle Mormon connections as well. For example, we have Sazed discovering a holy text inscribed in metal... just like the Book of Mormon.
And there's also the general sense of morality. The characters (or "good guys" at least) tend to have very Judeo-Christian values. Notably when it comes to sexuality.
I don't think Brandon is trying to push his own values and beliefs. I think he tries to represent different viewpoints, and often succeeds. I think the morality of characters is just a natural outcome of Brandon writing within his comfort zone (which he has been slowly expanding). And I think any Christian/Mormon/religious "messages" that may come through are either innocent or accidental.
But I can see why it makes people uncomfortable. Especially those unfamiliar with religion.
Zireks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still I think calling it Crypto propaganda as someone else said is going to far. There is a difference between a writer representing a belief and preaching the belief. From what I've seen Sanderson has mainly represented the idea of struggling with the concept of religion in general.
jofwu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I would hope that phrase was somewhat tongue-in-cheek. He said it "feels" that way--not that he seriously thinks Brandon is trying to secretly indoctrinate people.
"Do it? George, I'm not some serial writer. Do you seriously think I'd delay my magnum opus if there remained the slightest chance of you not reading it? I published it thirty-five minutes ago"
Vectoor ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 03:06:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're misremembering, it's closer to "The author's ability to solve conflict with magic in a satisfying manner is directly proportional to how well the reader understands said magic."
tbh brandon sanderson was really cheated out of winning the democratic primaries
DatGrag ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:21:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually don't think this works well with Brandon's Strengths. I'd be interested to see him take on Harry Potter because he'd have a magic system that is more concrete and logical.
I'd like to see GRRM take a shot at the Stormlight Archives universe, actually.
You want to see him take on Harry Potter? Try The Rithmatist. Not only is it a magical school story, it also has the most unconventional, out there magic system since... well, since Warbreaker.
Yeah, I'm not really sure which part is such a violation for him. There are false gods, a lot of alcohol, murder, rape, etc. I seem to remember there being drugs and suicide too.
So the only vices or sins that I can think of in ASOIAF that Sanderson avoids would be consensual sex and certain swear words.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:30:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, he does death and stuff very well. His issues are with writing interpersonal relations. His romances are all very middle-school true-lovey, and there's very little discussion of the sexual topics that permeate Song of Ice and Fire. Most of the time, that's not a problem, because his books don't focus on romance, but when it does come up there's a lot of stilted dialogue and the characters start feeling like robots.
He has gotten better about romance, and it is telling that the passable teen romance he writes is so noticeably less quality than the rest of the world.
But Wax and Wayne handles a more adult and balanced romance much better I think.
For me, there's something about his style that just makes it come off "lighter", more like Star-Wars or a comic-book; it doesn't feel gritty at all from his writing itself. If I consciously think about what's going on then I'm like 'woah yeah there's some shit going on."
He's said that he specifically writes so that his family can read his work without worry. It's not a style for everyone, but I'm glad there's a writer like him out there.
I'm a pretty religious person, and Sazed was my favorite character in that series. I could tell where Sanderson was coming from; the "crisis of faith" is pretty common among devout people who stop and think about things for even a minute, and Sazed's was handled beautifully.
sirgog ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:03:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The resolution of that arc was incredible. (I'll keep this spoiler free).
I think you mean book three, but yeah that's a really interesting point. I find it really interesting how prominent religion is in his books, especially the way he deconstructs it. It's even more interesting to learn that he himself is a religious Mormon. I would love to hear his thoughts on his own religiosity.
sirgog ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm talking about both the end of 2 (cryptic to avoid spoilers, so let's say after the climactic scene involving Tindwyl) and also some of 3.
There are two possibilities here: either you're one of the people who simply can't seem to be able to look past the fact that he's a mormon and find a way to shoehorn it into every conversation about him... or you're confusing him with Robert Jordan.
The other way around, I would love to see Sanderson's books 'covered' by someone more literary. E.g. China Mieville's Stormlight Archives would have been so fucking cool. He would likely expand the world and make it even weirder, and the prose would just be so beautiful.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:11:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unpopular opinion: Sanderson is not a good writer, despite his intrinsically compelling and coherent world-building. His characters are flat and the prose- while serviceable- is very plain and unremarkable.
Given that the main draw of ASoIAF is Martin's rich prose and extremely compelling characters, this would be a disaster.
That's a pretty popular opinion and Sanderson has said pretty much the same things about himself. Stormlight has some good steps forward with characterization, though.
I don't really disagree. He writes extremely enjoyable books, but his characters and general prose don't quite compare with other authors that I'd name. They work just fine, but they aren't exceptional. I still love his final results, but he certainly isn't perfect.
aew3 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:26:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that he has improved a lot in these things over the years. The Emperor's Soul has excellent characters and pretty decent to good prose imho.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:22:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think his prose is absolutely his biggest weakness.
But I disagree on characters and world building. His characters used to be on the weak side, but I think he's gotten a lot better. Have you read Words of Radiance or particularly SoH/BoM? Seems like his character development gets better every book.
And Stormlight has some of the best world building I've ever seen. It's utterly remarkable. Can't think of anything else to ask for short of Tolkien-esque made-up languages. It's the most original world building I can think of. If you're comparing ASoIaF to his other books, I don't think that's a fair comparison. The scope of those other books are on the same scale. You wouldn't expect a novella to have the same level of detail as a novel. Can't expect Mistborn to have the same level of detail as as an epic series.
edit: can't read
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I acknowledged his world-building was top notch.
jofwu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:28:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Though the show has been wildy different from the book plot with some major characters not even existing on the show and entire major subplots cutout. Which is great for both the show, since we get streamlined plots, and for the books, since that means the future book material will be less spoiled.
Sanderson doesn't like ASoIF, he says it in one of his writing workshop videos. He said he read GoT to see how good it was and then never read anymore because he doesn't like what GRRM does to his characters.
Yeah, I can't imagine the Mormon writer whose characters' relationships involve loving glances and fades to black is a fan of GRR Martin's characters. They're very different writers.
Eh. They're definitely both good writers but I think one will go down as one of the great fantasy cornerstones and the other will remembered more as a genre writer. But hey, I'm probably biased, I didn't like Sanderson's work very much.
Hah. I had them switched up in my head. I really enjoy Sanderson, but he is very entrenched in Fantasy and Sci-fi. I liked GRRM more, but as time has passed he's become less of a favorite and more just someone I'll read if they happen to have a new book out. He gets way too long winded (like WoT 7-10 Robert Jordan long winded) for my taste.
Really? Do you know what specific talk it was? Or have the link available? I would love to hear what he exactly had to say. Has a reader of ASOIAF and a fan of Sanderson's teaching videos, it would be interesting to hear.
I don't remember which talk as it was years ago, but as /u/Gagege mentioned he alao said on his podcast he thought it was well written but not for him.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:02:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He said on his podcast that he thought it was well written, but that it just wasn't for him.
I saw it in one of his writing videos from BYU. I don't remember which one, but I wouldn't be surprised if he mentions it somewhat often as people probably ask him about it a lot.
I would read that. We all would, since Sanderson throws books out at a rate that makes grrm look like an amateur.
8-4 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:04:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When the sun rises in the west and settles in the east, when seas run drie and mountains hang in the wind like leaves, when Half Life 3 comes out on Steam and 4chan cures cancer, that is when TWOW will be released.
Except at he is writing TWOW. There are excerpts, he is acknowledging the difficulty he's havin he finish it, and we often hear about meetings with the publishers. Also if he dies before publishing there are plans for it to be published anyway.
Whereas Valve's last game was portal 2, they have said many times that Valve aren't interested in making HL3, and get noticeably upset when people ask about it in AMAs.
So really people waiting for HL3 are just playing a fool's game.
I would think it depends on how much was written and if they knew (from notes or what have you) how it was going to end. If the worst does happen and he's 3/4 of the way through and there's no clear ending, what do you do? Also that doesn't cover him just making John Snow wake up from a dream right before the Lannisters arrive in the first book.
Does it fit the narrative well? My issue with derivative works of tolkien is that they are either too retcon happy or too rigid in their adherence to the world. The appeal of tolkien was the dreamy nature of the world that just teased enough extra information that you'd get lost mid page off in your own daydreams about the history hinted at.
I'd love to read more pieces that fit the universe well.
Not quite that, but someone wrote the series from Sauron's pov, where Mordor is a bastion of science and industry in a backwards world of superstition. It's called The Last Ringbearer. Furthermore, Carthage must be destroyed.
He's been at it for years, at this point I don't know if he can leave character. One day you will turn on the TV and the president will say "Furthermore, Carthage must be destroyed" and we will know exactly who it is.
There's a book called The Last Ringbearer that is a really interesting take on The Lord of the Rings. Its from the point of Mordor and is more or less science vs religion I guess? Here's the catch, as far as I know there's no commercial English translation due to copyright law so you'd have to read it in the original Russian ;)
You should try "The Last Ringbearer", by Kirill Eskov. While not from Saruman's point of view, it's based on the idea that TLOTR is history as written by the victor, and this is the true story of the war of the ring.
Orc's aren't monsters, it's simply an incredibly racist term used by the westerners to describe the people of mordor. Mordor isn't a rapidly expanding totalitarian state, they're a peaceful civilisation undergoing an industrial revolution which the westerners see as a threat to their traditional ways of life.
Well, come on, he was sent to keep Sauron from causing trouble and it looks like the entire gig is going to hell in a handbasket. One of his lieutenants wants to take the ALL POWERFUL WEAPON and trust a strike force mainly consisting of runts with no combat, stealth, or magic experience. They're going up against a super-wizard with multiple armies and elite magical undead horsemen who can literally sense the presence of the thing they're trying to sneak into the heart of enemy territory.
It's a foolhardy mission, especially considering that the ring will likely subvert the wielder before he destroys it, JUST LIKE LAST TIME. (Oh, and it turns out that's exactly what happens this time too).
Saruman thinks that he, being an angelic-like wizard who wields magic from the beyond, is more suited to try and fight the corrupting forces of the ring. And with that power, they stand a chance of the incoming armies that want to kill and conquer everything.
The bit with the orcs and dark magic is him ostensibly siding with Sauron with the intent to betray him. Which he does as he makes a grab for the ring himself. Of course, that whole plan was probably placed in head by Sauron via the seeing stones. Even if Saruman gets the ring, the thing corrupts absolutely and evil wins in the end.
His god-given mission was to fight Sauron and the forces of evil. He was the leader of the coalition opposing him. ...was. After the seeing-stone and chats with the deceiver... even despite his well-intentioned planned backstabbing and saving the world he pretty much turned evil. And petty. Fucker took his revenge on the meddling hobbits by turning the shire into a fascist and polluted state.
The elves, the dwarves, the humans, even (and oft especially) the wizardsโall no different than me. For all their high talk and posturing, they want to control.
I do not fault them.
I made those rings to show them what they want and help them achieve it. But, quid pro quo. That glaringly obvious unspoken detail of the exchange seems lost on them. Against character, they have pretended to put aside their mutually maligned intentions to take over each other's domains and joined forces against me. Sauron, The Great Evil who seeks Ultimate Dominion. And here we are at war.
Well in the books, one of Saruman's magical powers was his voice. He coud convince people and kinda brainwash them when people heard him speak.
"Suddenly another voice spoke, low and melodious, its very sound an enchantment. Those who listened unwearily to that voice could seldom report the words that they had heard; and if they did, they wondered, for little power remained in them. Mostly they remembered only that it was a delight to hear the voice speaking, all that it said seemed wise and reasonable, and desire awoke in them by swift agreement to see wise themselves. When others spoke, they seemed harsh and uncouth by contrast; and if they gainsaid the voice, anger was kindled in the hearts of those under the spell."
That's a book written from Sauron's perspective called the Last ring Bearer. Sauron is an up and coming industrial nation being fought against by a feudalist nation led by Gandaf.
They would, but instead of peace and prosperity it leads to infighting as Gondor tries to reaffirm its position as a historical super-power and Rohan fights to maintain its independent sovereignty
Frodo falls into the fires of mount doom with the ring instead of Golem, but before he can do this the entire army approaching the black gates is destroyed by the army of orks.
We'd have, at most, two out of the three books done.
Vectoor ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 03:09:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That said Tolkien did take a long long time to write the books. It's just that they were all published in short succession since he actually wrote it as one book that was then split into three.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:42:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say he took a long time writing them, he just took a long time editing them until they were as perfect as they could be in his eyes. I'm pretty sure his children are still digging through the unfinished notes and abandoned drafts of his books that he left behind
The publishers split it into 3 since the price of paper would have made a single book too expensive for the average reader.
chx_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:20:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And binding it would be very hard. Sanderson regularly posts about this in the context of publishing his Stormlight Archive books for example here
Words of Radiance is, famously, the longest book that Tor can physically bind into one volume using their current bindery.
To compare, here's a 3263 page directory. It weighs eight pounds. That's just not fit for casual reading. Your arms would tire holding it up, you can't just put it in your bag to read it on the bus and so on. So yeah, they totally needed to split LotR up.
It might have been back then, but not now. The single-volume paperback I have has "only" some 1200 pages, it's not that heavy.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, The Two Towers would have been split into two books. One for Frodo, Sam, and Smeagol, and the other following Aragorn, Gandalf, and the rest of the fellowship. It would end in Aragorn's death, and we'd wait for a decade to find out he gets ressurected by Gandalf, who is then banished for sacrificing Pippin in the ressurection ritual.
but make his mad dash for power a desperate plea for saving his people of Gondor
That's exactly what he said he wanted the ring for:
"Why should we not think that the Great Ring has come into our hands to serve us in the very hour of need? Wielding it the Free Lords of the Free may surely defeat the Enemy."
That's what he said at the council right? It started that way but when he tried to take the ring from Frodo his motives started to turn more self serving, like the ring calling to and corrupting Boromir.
Yeah but in the books what ended up driving him to take the ring from Frodo was a corrupt desire for power disguised. He comes to his senses later and sacrifices himself. If we are retelling this, his character might be this incorruptible Eddard Stark counterpart to Boromir.
Wasnt it a bit of both already? Like, him wanting to protect his people (who in his mind were weakened, and especially in the face of mordor) was what allowed the ring to corrupt him and tempt him to power
I mean that is how your supposed to view it. Boromir thinks that he needs the Ring to save his people, probably believing that even if the quest somehow succeeds (which he doubts), then Gondor will be destroyed beforehand.
I guess what I'm referring to is he doesn't lose that drive at all and become selfish like when he did when he put Frodo and everyone at risk trying to take it.
Ah, so have him gain a more dangerous obsession with it. Almost like the Gollum scenes from the beginning of RotK. That definitely sounds like something Martin would do.
myrden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean, that's kinda what happened. The ring doesn't corrupt people who want to get rid of it i.e. Frodo and Sam, but those who want to use it for good are most at risk. Gandalf wouldn't even touch it really because he knew that he would be corrupted through his desire to use it for good. Boromir really only wanted it for Gondor until the very end when he was completely ensnared.
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:15:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you've read LOTR Tolkien certainly does not skip details either. He also loves to describe a feast, an outfit, and a million fucking poems and songs.
A write-up I did for r/asoiaf about this author swap:
Tolkiens world of Ice and Fire:
would be more intelligently scaled;
the languages would all be fully fleshed out;
the history of far away places would be thoroughly known; (edit -- "far away places that were still plot-relevant")
the scale of objects (lel the Wall) and of distances traveled (lel Euron) would make sense;
slavery wouldn't have played such a major role in Daenerys's plot;
the Night's King would somehow employ industry as a means for accruing power;
there would be less (fewer) POV characters, and certainly less (fewer) female POV characters;
Arya would almost definitely be a boy;
there would simply be no homosexuality;
but the central plot would be generally more straightforward.
Also, the story would have ended by now: Jon Stark and Arya are reunited on the battlefield and destroy the Night's King together, with Ice reforged and Needle.
GRRM's Middle Earth's Third Age:
would be a hell of a lot darker (read: realistic);
the scenes where the Uruk-Hai are rampaging along the frontier of Rohan would be absolutely heart breaking and gruesome;
the Scouring of the Shire would have forever ruined the Hobbits as a friendly and kind people;
the Palantir would have destroyed Pippen's mind, or bent him entirely to the will of Sauron;
the scene in the movies, where Frodo and Sam are taken to Ithilien, would have occurred in the books, because Faramir wouldn't be perfect;
Galadriel would have taken the ring, and required another book that took 10 years to write to overthrow her;
Gandalf's resurrection would have been at the cost of something central to his character: his love for lesser beings;
Arwen would have left Middle Earth before the Fellowship's quest was over;
Sauron would have had a dragon, and he would have led the Nine into battle;
literally everyone who marched on the Black Gates as a distraction for Frodo and Sam would have died;
in the chapter following the Battle of Isengard, in which every Ent dies to merely slow Saruman, a couple Entwives would be discovered by Frodo and Sam in the forest next to Minas Morgul;
Legolas dies in battle while Gimli watches helplessly (also, they're gay); Frodo dies in Mount Doom or Shelob's Lair or the orc's fort; Bilbo kills himself when the ring is destroyed;
Rosie marries a drunkard while Sam was away (sort of a joke, she probably would have been raped to death in the Scouring of the Shire chapter).
p177 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it never fucking ends, just becomes less coherent every book.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo and Sam would have banged at least once before they got to Mordor. EXTREMELY rapey Frodo POV after he is taken prisoner in Shelob's Lair. Erotic massages in Rivendell. Whorehouses in Minas Tirith. Gimli and Galadrial have a scandalous fling. Much more graphic love triangle with Aragon, Arwen, and Eowyn. Boromir is low key gay for Aragon, but his nature was repressed during his traditional Gondorian upbringing so he never confesses his love until his dying breath. Gandalf is a perv who is into Hobbits, of either sex.
And above all, much more detailed descriptions of food, and MUCH more alcohol.
You might like The Last Ringbearer. A Russian historian writes the sequel to Lord of the Rings under the assumption that the original books were propaganda, written by the victorious kingdoms of the west. The translation is a bit rough but it's well worth reading.
Honestly if you'd read any of his other stuff it's not quite like that. Tolkien is more eloquent, but both have a good historical knowledge of technologies of the time, and grrm wouldn't waste his time with songs and all the linguistic stuff. Honestly I think it'd be roughly the same length with more time spent on the inner workings of the characters, food, and clothing.
Vyorin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:25:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
soooo, the exact same thing as A Song of Ice and Fire?
Martin talks about how his books are a critique of the Medieval High Fantasy genre. He says that we don't need orcs, and goblins and dragons. Humans can be just as evil.
This was my first thought, along with Tolkien's version of SoIaF. Maybe just take writers of all the best fantasy series and have them write each other's work (for scientific purposes). Rowling doing Wheel of Time? GRRM's Harry Potter?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He also does The Hobbit in several volumes. The first book stops after the dwarves have their feast upon meeting Bilbo. It's 600 pages of food descriptions and Gandalf dies.
One time a friend of mine called Thomas Pynchon "The Dan Brown for academics" and as a huge Pynchon fan, I still laughed and agreed.
I think the general underlying idea and story of The DaVinci Code could have been handled by any number of other authors really well. Also would help if it dropped any pretense at being historically accurate.
I just watched the extended movie version and it's actually pretty damn good. Way better than the theatrical release. Follows the book almost to a T. The DaVinci code is nothing more than an action novel - high quality mindless entertainment. I don't get why so many people have a problem with that.
Lastly, considering Brown compares Robert Langdon to Tom Hanks within the first ten pages, and other issues regarding tense and POV, I feel he should have skipped the book format entirely and just written a screenplay. Homeboy clearly needs a director to visualize shit for him.
Other than that I don't mind the story or the idea, or its popularity. I never got around to the movie but I'm sure with Ron Howard on the helm it was at least good.
Check out Katherine Neville's A Perfect Circle and The Eight. Dan Brown lifted almost his entire shtick from her, except she's a good writer and storyteller.
M_PBUH ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The prince has quick sex with the rose and she smokes a cigarette after. Then on the Prince's journey 10 years after she appears to him and they have sex again. Then she commits suicide.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:08:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's been said The Passenger is set at least partly in New Orleans. McCarthy lived there for a time in the 80s and we know The Passenger is set in the 80s, so it's a fit.
The Bible as written by the following supergroup:
Tolkein on the poems and songs
Mordecai Richler on the dialogue
Stephen King on the narrative
Battle scenes written by Bernard Cornwall
With special telling of 'Salome' written by Oscar Wilde
and Margaret Atwood presents: Lot's Tale
Margaret Atwood wrote a parallel perspective kind of work to Homer's Odyssey called the Peneloppiad, and it's fascinating. Would highly recommend.
Also just cause I've never found anywhere else to put this on reddit, she came to my university to give a talk a couple years ago, and she was fucking hysterical the entire time. People left with their chests hurting from laughing so hard, it was amazing. That woman deserves so much respect.
Penelopiad is indeed a great book! Glad she is getting a lot of publicity these days due to controversy around banning The Handmaid's Tale in some US schools.
Most recent one I read by her was Other Worlds which is a look at myth and mythology in speculative fiction (that is, fantasy, historical fiction, and sci fi)
Would highly recommend!!
Funny, I adore Margaret Atwood but I haaaaaated the Penelopiad. Thought it was drivel and felt like she churned it out so university students would have to buy it in bulk. I read it for a class and signed up to write about it for a paper, then backed right out of that as soon as I read it and chose a different book. I'm still mad I wasted time reading it.
I dunno man! I pressed enter and it was a new line in the box; suffice to say I'm still pretty new to this! And the beauty of the kpj format is that whichever way I format is that. So in this instance it means failing to start a new line, capitalizing occasionally, and omitting use of periods, commas, and semi colons.
You know... Considering the way that the Bible is written, as well as its eternal popularity, I wouldn't be surprised if a 'supergroup' circa fourth century AD did indeed write the book.
Bernard Cornwell's battle scenes are amazing. If anyone reading this hasn't read his series "The Saxon Stories" or "The Warlord Chronicles", I suggest you listen to the audiobooks or go buy the hard copy asap. There is also a TV show based on the Saxon Stories called "The Last Kingdom". It is my second favorite TV series of all time!
It felt like a pilot to a tv series the purpose of which was to entice viewers just enough to want to watch more but leave the plot open to any possibilities. I liked it but the ending was just abrupt and frustrating.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Hitchhiker's Guide is a spoof. You can't really cover a spoof - to extend the music metaphor, that would be like Jay Z covering one of Weird Al's parody songs.
Actually when Douglas Adams died they offered Neil Gaiman the chance to finish the last Hitchhiker's book. He turned it down and Eoin Colfer ended up doing it.
So the Clan she winds up with will be a bunch of disgruntled elder gods, the redcoats are all singular dimensional avatars of modern vices, and there's some angry Polish prick lurking in the background waiting to smash Clare's head in with a hammer.
I had the collection of the Narnia books on my shelf, so I decided to try my hand at a cover of the first page and a half in Douglas Adams' style. Here goes:
Once there were four children, an amount for precisely the number of arms the parents have, but an overabundance for their collective attention. Their names were Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. This story is about something that happened to them when they were sent away from London during the war because of their parent's realization that they had had two too many children.
They were sent to the house of an old Professor who lived in the heart of they country, ten miles east from the armpit of the city. He had no wife and he lived in a very large house with a housekeeper called Mrs Macready and three servants. (Their names were Icy, Margaret and Betty, but they hardly feature in this feature so why include their names.) He himself was a very old man with shaggy white hair which grew over most of this face as well as on his head so as to give him the air of a Komondor. For this, the children took a liking to him at once with Lucy (being the youngest) even daring to scratch him behind the ear.
As soon as they had said goodnight to the Professor and gone upstairs on the first night, the boys came into the girls' room and they all talked it over.
"We've fallen on our feet and no mistake," said Peter, incorrectly assessing their destitute situation regarding their parents offloading them onto the nearest related loon. "This is going perfectly splendid," he said, incorrectly again. "That old chap will let us do anything we like."
"I think he's an old dear," said Susan, who was always one to point out the obvious to everyone, as humans oft do.
"Oh, come off it!" said Edmund, who was tired and pretending not to be tired, which always made him cranky. "Don't go on talking like that."
"Like what?" said Susan; "and anyway, it's time you were in bed."
"Trying to talk like Mother," said Edmund. "And who are you to say when I'm to go to bed? Go to bed yourself."
"Hadn't we all better go to bed?" said Lucy. "There's sure to be a row if we're heard talking here."
"No there won't," said Peter. "I tell you this is the sort of house where no one's going to mind what we do. Anyway, they won't hear us. It's about ten minutes' walk from here down to that dining-room, and any amount of stairs and passages in between." Peter seemed a tad too excited to remind everyone of their isolated position from the rest of the house.
"What's that noise?" said Lucy suddenly. It was a far larger house than she had ever been in before and thought of all those long passages and rows of doors leading into empty rooms was beginning to make her feel a little creepy.
"It's only a bird, silly," said Edmund.
"It's an owl," corrected Peter, even though the statement itself required no correcting due to the fact that owls, in fact, are birds. Though in this case, it was an old Spectacled owl that did not, in fact, wear spectacles, but was merely given that name by some confused scholar who himself, in fact, needed spectacles.
CS Lewis was friends with Tolkien and was one of the fathers of the fantasy writing genre as we know it. I know his books can be a overly Jesus-y (being parables and all) and I love Douglas Adams but "way better" is a bit of a stretch. Maybe way more fun to read but not written better.
With respect to Mr. Lewis, because he is one of the fathers of fantasy writing as you said, and he was able to come up with the Narnia books, the do tend to be a bit inconsistent, with details between books changing or contradicting themselves, not to mention some sequences moving at absolutely breakneck speed when they could do with a bit more detail and focus, even if they were written for children.
I'd love to see a talented modern author given the go-ahead to not so much re-write the books as polish them up and make them connect to one another better and flesh out the details a bit more. One of my biggest gripes with the series is Jadis. Going by The Magician's Nephew, she was the first evil of Narnia, and The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe seems to re-enforce this with her being entitled to the life of every traitor via the Deep Magic. The mention that traitors must die or the world will end could also be taken out as it's contradicted in the next book. We read about all of this, plus Jadis' homeworld of Charn being completely desolate due to her destroying all life out of spite, as well as her basically ruling Narnia from near the beginning of it's existence, but by the end of the series the ultimate evil force seems to be Tash as a sort of antithesis to Aslan. If someone was to rewrite this series, I'd definitely rework that aspect to have Tash be a goddess figure modeled on Jadis to reflect the fact that she is the being who brought evil into Narnia, which would have been perfect and pure otherwise. Tash just seems like an excuse to have a big creepy monster in the final book, even after Horse and his Boy where you're made to actually sympathize with the Calormen people and are shown nothing overtly evil about them.
Basically, Lewis was a very gifted author and had a wonderful imagination, but he didn't really put a lot of work into making the Narnia books click with each other and be all that they could, especially when weighed against contemporaries like Tolkien. I know they were written for children, but they still felt very... sloppy to me. The prose was nice and the setting was phenomenal, but from a technical standpoint, yeah they could easily be "written better" by someone who bothers to take all of the aspects into account and write them as a series, rather than individual books that just happen to be set in the same world and may or may not mesh 100% with previous books.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:04:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With respect to Mr. Lewis, because he is one of the fathers of fantasy writing as you said, and he was able to come up with the Narnia books, the do tend to be a bit inconsistent, with details between books changing or contradicting themselves, not to mention some sequences moving at absolutely breakneck speed when they could do with a bit more detail and focus, even if they were written for children.
Have you ever read the Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy books? Consistentcy is not their strong suit.
hikiri ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:53:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'A study in Emerald' is evidence that he can pull it of.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's version of anything would be vastly overrated like all of his work. He's talented but his writing strikes me as not really utilizing that talent well.
Douglas Adams' Narnia? No. Well, maybe. I would have to read it first. I wouldn't expect it to be any good, however.
Qaeta ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:57:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, Jadis would have been MUCH easier to deal with if Diggory and Polly had just remembered their towels and a giant whale had mysteriously fallen from the sky on her.
My biggest guess would be that [jesus allegory] would be routinely talked about and have attribute things they do to him, but he'd never actually appear or do anything.
I can't speak for Reddit but Adams is far and away my favorite author, has been since before I could read and my dad was reading Hitchhiker's Guide to me before bed. I don't have any particular beef with C. S. Lewis, and I recognize his importance to fantasy canon, he's just not a favorite.
Maybe I just hold Lewis in such high regard because he was my introduction to fantasy and I absolutely adored his books as a kid. I think his influence also sways him towards him over Adams, but I can't say I've given Adams a real shot.
bcheds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what I need: Bring Douglas back from the dead, lock him in a hotel room, and make him write this!
I'm very fond of the Narnia books, and I'd wouldn't want a redo of their story. However, it would be possible to write a tale that takes place within one of the other worlds within the Narnia universe. I'd be down for that all day.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 00:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pick Stephen King's cover of Valley of the Dolls, Philip Roth's cover of Eat Pray Love, and Harry Crew's cover of Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll raise you one. What about the Prisoner of Azkaban by George Orwell?
Is that the impression you get from the tv show? I read the books and they're not that heavy on the sex. At least not compared to some other known authors.
George RR Martin writing Hamilton (I know its not a book but still).... Yes lets just focus on hamiltons affair and all of the sex everyone has.... ORGY TIME
"And really,' said Katharina 'why am I just expected to go along with all of your idiot plans? You clearly must think yourself a god to say it is night-time when it is day-time!"
"Well, perhaps I am!" said Petruchio, a tad too nervously.
"Well then, I don't believe in you." said Katharina.
And poof! Petruchio disappeared in a puff of desperation and cheap cologne, and Katharina was free to Do As She Liked.
But then we'll all collectivity discredit the follow up because it wasn't her final copy, and it was clearly just a money grab by her estate. Because that's not the Nedd Stark that I know and love.
I feel like I could walk anywhere on Earth in a few months.
CJB95 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:46:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair you could. In the book he received the ring and didn't set out to destroy it until like 17 years later. From them leaving the shire to the destruction of the ring is only like 5 months Spanning from when Frodo arrives in Rivendell in October 3017to when Golumn and the ring go into the fires of Mt Doom on March 25 3018
"It was a lone tree burning on the desert. A heraldic tree that the passing storm had left afire. The solitary pilgrim drawn up before it had traveled far to be here and he knelt in the hot sand and held his numbed hands out while all about in that circle attended companies of lesser auxiliaries routed forth into the inordinate day, small owls that crouched silently and stood from foot to foot and tarantulas and solpugas and vinegarroons and the vicious mygale spiders and beaded lizards with mouths black as a chowdog's, deadly to man, and the little desert basilisks that jet blood from their eyes and the small sandvipers like seemly gods, silent and the same, in Jeda, in Babylon. A constellation of ignited eyes that edged the ring of light all bound in a precarious truce before this torch whose brightness had set back the stars in their sockets." Blood Meridian
I could have tried, but it would never have passed muster. His mastery of vocabulary is far greater than anything I am capable of.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, I just don't care for his writing. It seems over the top, trying too hard, even masturbatory. I liked the road a lot but I put down blood meridian. Do you have a recommendation of one of his books that might be more accessible?
So far the Border Trilogy isn't as insane and over-the-top as Blood Meridian. Still pretty bleak though. I'm almost done with The Crossing. I have a feeling things will get gnarly in Cities of the Plain though, if only from the title.
Blood Meridian is a tough book, no matter how you slice it. It's also possibly the most horrific book I've ever read (and I'm a horror fan).
The Border Trilogy is a good start with All the Pretty Horses being the best. No Country for Old Men is also good, though you may already know the overall story due to the movie.
That sort of exists. It's called The Crystal Star, was written by an author who'd done a lot of Star Trek novels before attempting a Star Wars one, and easily ranks up there as one of the absolute wierdest Star Wars stories.
OMG! The Crystal Star was the absolute worst Star Wars novel I ever read. I couldn't get into it at all, I started it about 3 times. Then I took it camping, had too much to drink and threw up on it. Never replaced it, never tried to finish it. Loved all the other SW novels. Now I know why!
I only dimly remember The Crystal Star because (1) I read it in a single night, even though it wasn't very good; and (2) it taught be the word "ichor."
The weirdest Star Wars book of all time still has to be The Lando Calrissian Adventures, though. Space manta-ray/whales, life-sucking Force crystals--if it was weird in a not-very-Star Wars way, that book had it. It's still one of my all time favorites.
I mean there's anthologies of authors who will write Sherlock Holmes stories (I'm sure there's other examples I can't think of), and there's the stuff like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
There's also the stuff where they do re-tellings or base stories/movies on classic literature. So Clueless was loosely based off of Emma, Easy A was The Scarlett Letter, O was Othello.
It exists in fan fiction too, but then you need to be able to weed through the shit to find the good stuff.
Though, really someone said Stephen King and Twilight, and that would be fucking amazing.
You know what all of those have in common, as do fairy tales? They are out of copyright. We'd see this happen much more frequently if copyright was limited to its original term instead of practically permanent, as it is today.
*all renditions of fairy tales. There is no such thing as the original ones. Just the ones passed down by mouth for so long that they finally got written down on paper.
Not just modern renditions, but other renditions that are also very old. A lot of times, what we recognize as the contemporary "popular" version is already a re-write or simply different version of an oral tale told over time.
So from where I see it, people have been telling variations on the same story since people have been telling stories, putting their own spin and flavor on it. Story / book "covers" have always been a thing.
I did a project in high school where I wrote fairy tales from the perspective of villains to make them seem sympathetic and have a legitimate excuse for their actions. I know that's done a lot but I had a lot of fun with it. It would be cool to see other stories from the villains perspective. That's why I love stories like Dracula or GoT where each chapter is a different character narrating.
I love this concept. Maybe because I'm a bit of a cynic and I've grown tired of the typical fairy tale damsel-in-distress dialogue, but I find stories written in the villain's perspective significantly more fascinating.
Upvoted for fanfiction. Seriously, if any of you really like a TV show/movie/book/anything really, check out fanfiction. If it's moderately popular, I guarantee you'll find fandom favorites that are as good (sometimes even better) than the source. It's definitely not all shittily written smut by teenage girls (some of it is well-written smut). But in all honesty it's amazing and at this point it's all I read. These authors churn out beautiful pieces of fiction for free, just because they enjoy it so much. I cannot recommend checking out fanfiction.net or archiveofourown.org enough.
Get past the stigma and give fanfiction a shot, you might end up downloading fanfiction onto your kindle and lying to people when they ask "what are you reading?" like me!
Some of it is definitely very well written smut. And the well written smut is so much goddamn better than the stuff you can buy in stores. Plus, it's about characters you already care about. And also some of it isn't just smut, it's well written long stories with the sex not cut out.
I laughed because I remembered how my mother describes Outlander as explicit. And I have now read the first book and a half, and yeah, there's sex - but I have for sure read much dirtier and explicit things and it was all in fic.
But then also one of my favourite stories was a 200 page one (I put it on my e-reader) that was mostly not sex and it was a fantastically written Parks and Rec story about Ben and Leslie that started before they were dating in the show about how they'd eventually end up together. It was so goddamn good.
I said about the "wading through the shit", because there is still a lot of shit -- I'm into Ghostbusters fic at the moment (well, Holtz/Erin) and I know which authors to skip, and which ones to read immediately with new stories. But it means being willing to be exposed to some awful stuff.
Oh trust me, I'm part of the BBC Sherlock and Star Trek fandoms respectively (and shipping exactly who you think in both), so I know about wading through shit.
But holy shit I love Parks & Rec! Do you have a link to the fic you're talking about? It sounds super interesting.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:59:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're not shipping spirk then you can't sit with us.
This is the full thing (the bottom of each part links to the next part). I can't remember what happens because of how long ago I read it, but I do remember it made me feel all the emotions. Definitely recommend anything of hers that's complete (oh how she broke my heart by abandoning that one fic I was so very into).
Ahahahah. You're the best, I was dealing with the tick incident by that point and all of my Internet searches were about that, also S thanks you too for the amusing comments/offer of assistance. Also somehow I woke up at 730. Didn't get out of bed until 8, but still! Woooo :D
Had to jump on my desktop because I could not remember what it was called, and I read it when it I was still occasionally on LJ, but she has an AO3 account! Woo!! I'm gonna have to check out what she's been writing lately.
Edit: So it looks like she never finished updating it on that site, even though she finished the story. I will PM you with my fandom email and can send over the file I have though (:
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:55:26 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And also some of it isn't just smut, it's well written long stories with the sex not cut out.
(late reply I know) I actually don't think I've read many long fics that weren't at least an "M" or equivalent, not because they were smutty for the sake of it, it's almost like sex is a natural part of life or something
Right? I want a well written story, that has everything. And typically published novels have one, or the other. And I want stories where people are still mature adults, with complicated lives, and not your typical romance novel.
I say "I want" but clearly a lot of us want this, and it's just not as available as it should be.
Personally I recommend looking at the tvtropes fanficrecs page for the series you want to read fic of. You'll get stuff that's decent at worst, plus they sort by genre and give you an idea of what to expect.
And make sure to filter out the incomplete works, too. Nothing sucks more than getting multiple chapters into an amazing fic and then realizing it's unfinished and hasn't been updated for years.
I find AO3 to be very uneven but that's because I'm on a longer Worm binge at the moment. Spacebattles and Sufficient Velocity are chock full of great writers on the other hand.
I started reading fanfiction then later it was like a gateway into webnovels. Have you ever heard of xianxia? Look up I Shall Seal the Heavens on wuxiaworld.com. also check out r/noveltranslations
Oh you evil bastard... Eight books, over a thousand and four hundred chapters and it's not even finished? That's going to screw up my summer reading plans.
WELL you don't even know how good you have it when I discovered it, it only had like 200 chapters. It's actually almost finished like less than 200 to go. It will be finished in like july.
I also recommend Coiling Dragon because that is one of the finished ones. Stellar Transformations is related to that too and it's finished but I didn't like it as much. It's ok, not bad, but not one of my favorites.
Battle Through The Heavens, The Great Ruler, and Wu Dong Qian Kun are all by the same person and a bit samey but they're pretty good. Martial World is a bit generic but not bad. Perfect World and Desolate Era are god like levels of good.
Against the Gods is boring for 35 chapters, gets insanely good, then becomes REALLY trashy and terrible. Tales of Demons and Gods is also god like levels of good but the author has dropped off interest in writing it and now only does a chapter a month and near where it is he just goes fuck it and you can see that he super rushes it along.
That's my personal advice, I would say read ISSTH first because it's good and it will be finished before you get near the end, then Desolate Era and Perfect World. Oh and Skyfire Avenue is a good sci fi novel.
Thanks for the tips! I've already started ISSTH and it sucked me in pretty fast. From what I've read so far Meng Hao's story could easily make for a top-notch tv show or series of movies.
I'll have a look/see at the others when I get the chance.
[deleted] ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 02:43:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was thinking. I feel like a "cover" of a book would be more restricted to transferring the original plot/characters into an AU. Which happens a lot in fanfiction, and like you said, happens with classic lit all the time.
I think it would more be that how everything is written and presented would change. The flavor of the text would change, even if the plot didn't. How an author chose to present the events might change as well, even if the events didn't.
"It was a dark and stormy night" evokes something different than "Rain fell. Thunder clapped. Twelve times the bell rung in the dark." or simply "It was night time and there was a storm." It all carries a different flavor to it even if all of it describes the same events.
Maybe not even an AU -- literally retell the exact same story, just in your own voice?
istara ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's generally better when it's a looser adaptation or a complete rewrite, eg a different time period, than too close to the original.
I think that's why Clueless works so well, because they're not forcing parallels for every last detail. Likewise Lost in Austen was a brilliant "Jane Austen fan fic" for TV/cinema that increased humour with some of the changes it made (eg Caroline Bingley being a lesbian).
I've read a few examples of people trying to continue (or complete) another writer's work, and it nearly always jars.
I think it works better when they spin it because copying... you're going into wanting the same feeling you had before and you're going to notice all of the differences and they are bad jarring things. But if it's a spin? The differences are what makes it good and interesting.
I love Clueless for the same reason I love Legally Blonde. They're seen by everyone as ditzy, dumb, and people probably assume judgemental - when really they're very smart, and very caring and not at all judgemental.
(And yeah, Caroline Bingley being a lesbian was just a wonderful addition. It made me giggle as well because her and the lead actress were in another show called Hex, where their sexualities were swapped)
istara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:27:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. But wasn't Legally Blonde 2 awful? How could they so entirely miss the point of what made the original film brilliant?
I've read a few examples of people trying to continue (or complete) another writer's work, and it nearly always jars.
I was pretty into the Bourne books when I was a teen, and about a year after I'd read all three the movie's popularityโ lead to a new author picking up the series. I was pumped. Then I started reading it. It was like he'd skimmed the wikipedia article about the books. If I remember right he set it between the second and third, but immediately killed off several main characters who all appear in book three. Also seemed to forget that the character wasn't actually named Jason Bourne. I never finished the book, and I nearly always finish books, even when I hate them (especially when I hate them?).
No, it was at least marginally original. Stephanie Meyer says the story came to her in a dream. It draws on previously existing fantasy tropes of course but it isn't fanfiction.
I want to say the Man-Kzin wars should be included as well. I absolutely love the idea of the Kzinti lesson as a way to show how accidentally badass Humanity can be even when totally unpreparedphysically or mentally.
This definitely exists out there if you look for it. For sci-fi, The Stars My Destination comes to mind, which is basically The Count of Monte Cristo in space. Dan Simmons also uses a lot of classic works in his writing: The Tempest, the Iliad, Canterbury Tales, etc.
I was going to say, I've read or seen about 6 versions of Pride and Prejudice that use variations on the original book's setting (Eligible, Bride and Prejudice, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Bridget Jones' Diary, I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting). I'm so happy these ARE a real thing, because I love them!
That's the first time in my experience it has worked out. For example, there were a great deal of stories written about Conan the Cimmerian after Robert E. Howard opted out of living but I don't think any of them really captured the essence of who and what Conan was.
Hell, almost everything Shakespeare wrote is a "cover" of someone else's work, and countless authors have covered Shakespeare, as well. Literature is full of covers of covers of covers.
Neil Gaiman did a version of Beowulf. He's also tackled several other public domain characters. "Baby Cakes" was his version of "A Modest Proposal".
"Wicked" was a version of L. Frank Baum's work by Gregory Maguire. And he's far from the first to make a different perspective on those characters.
Plus the zillions of people who have done versions of "A Christmas Carol"
The only reason it isn't more akin to musical covers is that Authors usually wait for the stories to be public domain. If authors paid other authors royalties, or just got permission to do recent stuff. (Which happens in Hollywood all the time, actually)
Also all those translations and reinterpretations of mythology. Neil Gaiman's Norse Myths came out recently. But there's various "covers" of tales of Beowulf, Gilgamesh or other figures out there.
It's definitely already a thing. Neil Gaiman literally just wrote a collection of Norse Mythology stories aptly named "Norse Mythology." I highly recommend it too.
Even better than that, it's a retelling of Beowulf within a frame story that is a fictionalized retelling of Ahmad ibn Fadlan's real life account of his journey as an ambassador (from the Abbasid caliphate in Iraq) to the Varangians (Vikings settled in Western Russia/The Ukraine).
It happens a lot with the H.P. Lovecraft universe.
camfa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The most similar thing I can think of is translations. Whenever you translate something, you have to kind of imprint some of your style in that work. There are, for instance, translations of Edgar Allan Poe's work to spanish made by Cortazar, the great Argentine writer.
Rick0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember Jeffrey Archer making a new version of "Shall we tell the president" to make it fit in the Kane & Abel books and changing the geopolitical background to match the (then) current situation
On the flip side of this, a few years ago I read everything of Philip K Dick I could find. Just ate it up. Loved it, especially A Scanner Darkly.
Fast forward to this year, and I wanted to read King's Dark Tower series. King has adopted Dick's wit, style, character development, everything. I'm only in the 3rd book, but the second book was truly awesome.
turcois ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:51 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So is pride and prejudice and zombies like the original book? Very fancy sounding but with zombies? Or just the story but altered
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:50 on July 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's this huge series my little brother reads called Warriors. It's for kids but it's one girls idea I think it's Hunter, and then now there are different authors who do different official series. It's all about a majestic cat world(or so I think).
Some books are, they are called "retellings." For instance if you want a really cool and good sci-fi 'cover' of A Count of Monte Cristo there's The Stars My Destination by Alfred Bester.
Probably not for a successful one (well, maybe if you're Stephen King), but I can certainly see it working out for a story that had a great concept but had a poor delivery
Fanfiction gets pretty close. Most authors frown upon reading fanfiction for their own work though, so it would have to be the original author approaching the author they'd want covering their story rather than the other way around like with music.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And most Stanley Kubrick movies are based on books, and he generally changed the stories at least a little to adapt them for film, so this sort of counts.
If you know who Robert Jordan is, he wrote the Wheel of Time he also did some Conan which is a Robert E. Howard creation. So there is some of it out there but not to the degree or awesomeness of this thread.
It is,it's just not that common. Susan Kay's Phantom or Wicked are pretty good examples of it. You could probably make a case for Pride & Prejudice & Zombies and all the books like it, and a lot of fan fiction.
I'm not sure, but does fanfiction count? I've read a lot of really well written stories. Although it seems like there's much more content for anime and video games rather than books.
Well there's Harry Potter and the methods of Rationality, it's good.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hogarth Shakespeare series is sort of a collaborative effort from the great modern writers to adapt Shakespeare's beat work. Margaret Atwood's Tempest is phenomenal. Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl) is doing Hamlet I believe.
contact your local patent office and tell them to shorten the time on copyright filings I guess. I'd love to see public property Star Wars and Lord of the Rings
Check out Lamb by Christopher Moore. It's basically a dark comedy full retelling of the bible according to Jesus' unknown best friend biff and it's fun as hell, with Jesus fighting demons, constantly swearing and having women fawning for him. Just generally being a rockstar.
It is a thing. Christoper Moore has books that are retellings of Shakespeare tales. The books are 'Fool' and 'The Serpent of Venice', which are retellings of 'King Lear' and 'The Merchant of Venice'.
Is there a link to all the nominees and winners of that? I love original questions like this, instead of the unpopular opinion/irrational hatred/greatest movie of all time/ sexiest sex you ever sexed questions I see all the time.
Men of reddit, what's the sexist sex you've ever sexed? And a couple hours later. Ladies of reddit, what is the sluttiest sexiest sex you've ever sexed?
kkibe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:45:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be a little more strict on reposted questions. I know that reposts are bound to happen, but it gets a little ridiculous seeing the same post recycled two consecutive days in a row.
make serious tag the default like it should have been for a long time now. Quality of the sub is now 10x better overnight.
If a post got greater than X number of upvotes within the last Y period of time, don't allow reposts of it. could be 500 within 3 months, or 2k within a year, anything would be better than allowing all reposts atm when a bunch of unoriginal people attempt to copy off the success for meaningless internet points that they put value into for no reason.
The problem is that we're a default. The biggest default. We get more traffic than any other subreddit, and about 3-4 times as many comments as the next highest subreddit. For us to moderate every subreddit as with serious, it would not be feasible. It's already hard enough doing one thread that gets 1,000+ comments. Most people don't know the rules, don't care about the rules, or simply forget they're in a serious thread.
And as for reposts, we get several thousand new subscribers every day. People who have never heard of reddit before today are reading these questions for the first time. And people found out years ago this is the best sub to gain karma, for the very reason you're complaining: they know what answers get upvoted. It's never going to stop.
I agree its tough to moderate, especially as a default with tons of new people who won't know the rules of a subreddit, let alone reddiquette itself. It's much easier to moderate a community that is essentially opt-in for the user, it requires a bit more upfront investment. I'd argue that making serious threads the default would make people follow it more often than they do now, due to being less likely to forget, but the transition is the hardest part and would require significantly more moderation actions than currently. Thats obviously a hard plunge to commit to taking.
I don't really have a response to the 2nd part of your comment. I just think its a shame that a good idea for a subreddit is, by its own very nature, the thing that sorta ruins how good it could be. It's a shitty catch 22.
I don't know of any subreddit that gains quality from being a default. Of course reddit itself probably doesnt want subs to be able to refuse being a default. All the subs that want to maintain quality would refuse and they would have 0 default subs, having some amount of default subs is better for the site to attract new users and keep them coming back for the default sub content. I also think enabling karma for self posts affected Askreddit the most, as it not only became the place to repost comments for karma, but to repost the questions aswell. It feeds itself, reposters reposting questions for other reposters to repost puns on for karma all the way around.
Made worse by the fact that the current state drives the actual quality users away, seeing the same pun chains on the same rehashed and reposted question for the 10th time isnt funny anymore, it's just an annoying waste of my time. So i stop reading, stop participating, and unsubscribe. The subreddit drives itself towards a death spiral that it can't get itself out of, surviving only on the backbone of replacing the users faster than it drives them away.
I don't know of any subreddit that gains quality from being a default
None do. Any that become defaults actually get shitter. /r/askscience removed themselves because the quality there took a nosedive and it became harder to moderate. 2X gets a lot of hate now, even by women who used to post there, that it's turned into an ultra-left win SJW haven.
I also think enabling karma for self posts affected Askreddit the most, as it not only became the place to repost comments for karma, but to repost the questions aswell
It wasn't limited to us, but it literally did have a negative effect. We get sockpuppet accounts; accounts who repost older questions, get karma, then sell the account to spammers. When self posts didn't give out karma, this wouldn't work.
NCWV ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want the job? I'm sure you'd do a better job at moderating millions of users for free.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If painters painted novel covers, which painter's novel cover would you be most excited to see?
I like reposts on Askreddit since they can have fresh answers each time from different users. But there should be a few months gap at least instead of a few days
I agree! I think this is an idea I'll remember from time to time... I was excited to read the responses, but most of these are just trying to be funny.
A wonderful question crippled by Reddit's very limited reference pool of authors
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:14:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In reddit's defense, I too am just sitting here wishing Palahniuk would cover everything now. Palahniuk's Redwall series. Palahniuk's does Gatsby. Palahniuk touching the Hitchhiker's Guide feels near sacrilegious with how much I love that book, but damn it I'd read it.
latman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please enlighten us with your vast array of author knowledge by providing your own replies
10 hours ago he criticised people not having enough knowledge and then didn't make a comment himself, that guy has a point don't act like he's stopping him.
Yeah in my 6 ish years using Reddit this is one of the best discussion prompts/questions I've seen. It's one of those things that's so awesome you kinda wonder how it never came up before!
And this is the second most upvoted "answer" to it
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be a downer, but most of the top responses are pretty unimaginative. Like, fantasy authors covering fantasy novels and sci-fi authors covering sci-fi novels. We already know what those books look like...
Sw3Et ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't open many "Ask Reddit" threads, but I thought this was such an interesting question, I wanted to see what some great answers would be. Unfortunately there's too many people just trying to be funny and giving dumb answers and I remembered why I don't usually open many Ask Reddit threads in the first place.
Yeah, makes me feel like I can tolerate more waves of "what question do you hate being asked" if it means we get something like this every once in a while
In a year or however long it takes to write whatever it is, I fully expect to see this on shelves or some author is going to have an AMA referencing this post.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thought. I don't really have something to contribute unfortunately but this question is really fun.
I feel like Brandon Sanderson would do a great job with the feel of that book. He might not be the best writer to ever live but he can always make interesting books.
I'm shocked so many of you thought Ready Player One sucked. It's one of my favorite books ever. I will says this, though. I only listened to the audiobook, I'll read it myself, see what I think again.
Off topic, my favorite book ever is Stephen King's IT.
Jemstar ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found it a little bit "explainy" at points. It didn't kill the book for me, but it was tough to read through some of that. But I get it, from an author's standpoint. You want to have the reader understand the world you're building.
It feels like it was being explained by someone with hours and days of time playing D&D. Where you get used to really caring about all these explanations that feel important to the lore of things. And to be fair, it probably was written by someone like that given the content.
I found the setting interesting and greatly enjoyed the references it made. My enjoyment came from the concept of the game world and the idea of things hidden within it. The story was nice but my primary enjoyment really came from the relatability of experiences I've had in gaming. It reminds me of the adventures of rpg games I've had and gives nostalgia of retro games that I might not have played a lot but have a special place in my heart for.
I thought that there was a huge amount of space for him to explore what the real world was like in the dystopia he had created, but he never really did anything with it. That was my biggest disappointment in the book. Without the crazy future dystopia, it was just a nerdy 80's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
You must have a different version than me. I love audiobooks and got the Wil Wheaton version. It's easily the worst audiobook I've heard. Wil is talents clearly do not lie in narration, his tone is often strange or incorrect at parts of the book.
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I thought Will's version was one of the best audio books I ever heard--only one better, to me, is Steven Weber's IT reading.
Wheaton portrays the character well. That may be off putting because the character isn't really a human who has grown past his own obsessive goals. In that, Wheaton's portrayal of obsessive excitement is perfectly on point.
I understand that science fiction requires more exposition than most other genres, but I could not push through a book in which the first several chapters is the author explaining the world of the story via the first-person protagonist with absolutely no framing device for why this is happening.
I mean, Neuromancer was a way more far-out setting in the early 80s and William Gibson managed to make that story coherent without a hundred pages of exposition early on. The conceit in Ready Player One is basically a VR MMORPG and it takes the author fucking ninety pages of talking to me like I'm his new best friend to set the stage. I hated it.
I love it because it all feels like an experience I can imagine being within and alongside the main character in. The whole story wasn't amazing, but it was all so within a world of gaming that I feel like I've experienced before that it gave me some kind of nostalgia boner.
Well, you have to admit that comparing almost anyone to Gibson's penchant for brevity is a little unfair. Gibson hammers on his prose until it is boiled down to the bare minimum, with every word contributing a hundred percent. I enjoyed RPO, but Cline is just not that good of a writer.
Yes, I understand it was a tough comparison, but considering the huge success of RPO, I felt it was fair. If a book is gonna sell like hotcakes, it isn'tโexempt from criticism IMO, even comparison to the best of the genre.
I found that I was abled to finish it once I was stuck in a cabin with no other entertainment, it got more enjoyable after about a third of the way through, because then the world was fully set up and the action could start
I listened to the audiobook on several 3 hour drives. It was entertaining that way and then I read his other book about the alien invasion and it was just terrible. I went back to ready player one and saw just how bad it was written. I guess I missed that while I paid attention to the road
I gave up too. It felt like it was trying too hard to shoehorn in a bunch of references to make geeks like it. Which made it seem very contrived and didn't help with immersion.
It's one of the few books I regret reading. I stuck with it because it was an ok enough concept and the world building is interesting in the beginning... but then it just becomes a version of Second Life where 80's references are the currency of the land.
I don't think it helped that I was listening to the audiobook, read by Will Wheaton, who I just simply don't like.
aqouta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:59:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was complete garbage and felt like the author was trying to jerk me off for getting the most generic 80s nerd culture imaginable. Also despite the premise being fun the world building was fucking terrible, the main character beating a corporation was like the fever dream of someone whose only understanding of corporations comes from plying toon town. The systems in the simulation don't even make sense. The state of the world outside of the simulation is little more than a set piece because it otherwise makes absolutely no sense. The main character is a blatant self insert and all the supporting cast are so flat as to be offensive, the girl only exists to be lusted after and then won after putting up the most minimum fight, the Japanese brothers are what you would think people would act like if you literally thought Japanese people were accurately portrayed in Harem Anime. The whole evil corporation is the most lazily written bad guy possible, it's the type of bad guy you'd have trouble finding believable in spungebob, Plankton has more depth and is more capable. The idea that some punk kid who watched a bunch of movies or some shit is somehow more capable of solving riddles than a think tank with the kind of money to maintain a huge unproductive workforce for years with no progress. to solve riddles that google and tvtropes could solve for one person in a single work day, and they have to be that easy to solve because the whole point is nudging the reader into thinking they're smart for being in on the joke.
I'm only 23, but I loved the book and it's references. I might not have played the games and d&d referenced within, but its all things I have knowledge of and interest in, so I could still enjoy it greatly.
Sure, i wasn't saying it was exclusively for people my age. Just giving one (of many) reason why I, personally, enjoyed it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's cheesy as fuck, I'd understand.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think the style of the prose was particularly engaging but as an 80s kid it gave me a huge nostalgia boner by essentially being the essence of my childhood fantasies. It was like fan fiction of my childhood so I ate it up. If 80s/90s movie, tv and video game culture mean nothing to you, I imagine it's a pretty shitty read.
First try reading it I stopped because I was just bored to death. Second time I gave it a go and was so happy with the decision to push through and finish it. When he's just working out and nothing is really going on was just killing me. I'm thinking about starting Armada tomorrow.
That was my first book I thought of. I'm just not sure what author I'd pick. My current lean is towards Suzanne Collins of Hunger Games. If he hadn't passed already, I'd say that Terry Pratchett would do a good job as well.
I read it ages ago, but what I remember was that it was Suzanne Collins YA violence-fest, minus the Battle Royale ripoff-ness and popularity over-exposure.
Oh Christ that would be so good. Just finished RPO, and wished it was less self congratulatory teen nerd and more mystery/suspense from the puzzles and villains!!
But he didn't? The end of Wise man's fear is: I'm gonna stop here while things are relatively chill, and I'm hanging with friends. We'll get to my downfall later.
Sure you had Bast pull some shady shit near the end, but let's be honest, people care way less about what's happening in the present than they do about how we got there.
I don't know though. Even though it's left at a pretty alright spot for Kvothe, there's still so much between then and when the story is being chronicled.
To be fair, he rushed the second book and it really showed. In the second half the main characters just becomes a stupid sex ninja. That being said, there's one chapter in the second book that reads like Oscar Wilde wrote fantasy and it's amazing, it's around page 86 and involve breaking into a room.
The Slow Regard of Silent things is a goddamn masterpiece and took me the longest to read even though it's so short.
I actually kind of disagree with this. I found it kind of purposeful - you have to remember that Kvothe himself is the one narrating, so it makes sense that in his own retelling he becomes this super-awesome-sex-and-fighting-god - that's the whole point of the unreliable narrator.
Yup that's the thing about Kvothes story. You can't be sure what is real and made up. All he is doing is putting out the narrative he wants. The "official" biography. So of course it will make him look a lot more awesome than he is. I for one am waiting for the fall. Plus I want him to open the damn third lock. Part of me thinks he locked away his own name. He did it to hide, and in his ignorance he has lost his magic. Like locking your keys in your car.
Oh yeah. Like I think not only is it that but he wanted to hide SO much that he messed up and locked Kvothe into the box. Like he still has the memories but right now he is ACTUALLY Kote. Since he hid it all away so that other mages and namers can't find him he hid himself too well.
But a fun fact in Siaru Kote means "Disaster," plus the difference between the two names is VEH which in academic means "I submit" so I thought that was kind of interesting.
What you're saying does make sense but there are definitely times in the present where Rothfuss refers to him as Kvothe before slipping back into calling him Kote, which seems very deliberate. I think if his name is in the box he couldn't get it back by telling old stories, like he seems to.
gsfgf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:10:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
chx_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:23:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am very much afraid that he doesn't have a satisfactory ending to the story and that's why it takes so long. It's now as long as we waited for A Dance with Dragons and we do not even have a publication date. Mind you: we do not have a date for The Winds of Winter either...
He already knows the ending, he has know that years before he started writing his first book.
It is taking him too long to get everything right though. He took his time with the second book and now he's not only even more worried about getting it perfectly but also had like 2 children, a movie/tv/game deal and a charity program to take care as well...
chx_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ending maybe but a satisfactory ending to all the threads? I am in doubt. I would expect that a delivered book would be announced which means that any 2017 date is now in doubt.
But would it really? I mean, I went to Sunday school and I never heard the story of the foreskins, or the guy that pulled out prematurely, or... well I did hear the one about the 42 kids who mocked a prophet by calling him baldie and he called two bears to tear them apart.
Sisaac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you think about it, being anyone standing in the way of God's chosen people in the Bible is pretty shitty.
You do your sacrifices, you go on with your daily life, and boom, suddenly a lovecraftian horror has ruined your harvest, given you sores and boils, blotted the sun, and killed your firstborn. Nothing you can do about it. The description of any of the plagues, or any of the devices God uses to help his people from the perspective of those on the other end would be utterly terrifying.
They said they were behind both global capitalism and communism, but also were intellectually and physically inferior the Germans, but also were sneaky enough to infiltrate the German government and lost World War I
Equivalent for the right wing: "when you believe it's wrong for governments to interfere in the wisdom of markets, unless it's to use guns and a wall to keep brown people immigrants from competing for your job"
It sounds ridiculous now but millions of people hated Jews because of the nazis, and not just Germans. Not everyone knew of they heinous acts the nazis did but plenty still hated Jews.
For centuries, they were the only group in the western world that could lend money. Look at the disgust America has towards Wall Street and it makes sense.
I'm only saying this because it's completely unimportant, but you would have perfect metrical structure if you said "They horde their gold inside their homes"
Take a look at Dr. Seuss' Private Snafu cartoons. He was very vocally anti-nazi (being Jewish himself), but I wouldn't be surprised if he would create a parody book version.
Yes, thus I can imagine a universe other than our own where theodor Geisel was tasked by the nazis instead of the United States to create wartime propoganda.
I can also imagine a universe populated by dinosaurs in bikinis.
Racism and patriotism are often tangled up in times of war. How many times have you seen a caricature of an enemy used in cartoons to emphasize their villainy?
This is your second Seuss attempt, and gotta say... Have you ever read a Dr. Seuss book dude? These just miss the metre so much I wonder if English isn't your first language
Remove the "Will I" from the last line to read "Or gas them in a room with locks" to make the syllable count work and I'll give you this here juicy, sun ripened upvote
[deleted] ยท 117 points ยท Posted at 02:54:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm only halfway down but seriously no Gaiman's Dune or Stranger in a Strange Land???
ratsta ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:19:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been thinking about what I'd like to get Gaiman to write but he's already touched on so many genres, many topics wouldn't be particularly groundbreaking. I think scifi is about the only area he hasn't worked in. I think Gaiman's Dune and SIASL would be awesome!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:06 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much why I chose him to re-write it. Heinlein was always more of a philosopher than a writer. I think Gaiman could give it some life that some other authors might not be able to.
Gaiman doing The Hobbit was THE FIRST thing that came to my mind!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:24 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman's take on just about anything would be fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good choice, But I think I'd rather see China Mieville's Dune
Gaiman's
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:06 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're probably right I'm sort of stuck a couple decades in the past as far as fiction reading is concerned. Any best single book by China Mieville you'd suggest?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:51:47 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
City and the city is good, but there are a few of them set in that 'theme' and I can't remember what order is recommended. Embassytown is a nice standalone to start with.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks I'll try and find those.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Gore R. R. Martin's take on Dune would be pretty interesting as well.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be super interesting. I can really see that working- it would be like a variation, rather than a totally different style, I feel like, but it would illuminate different aspects of the implications explored in CE.
Stephen King rewrites of horror classics like Frankenstein and Dracula wpuld be interesting and likely an improvement.
Zylle ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 02:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't already read it, Revival by Stephen King is heavily inspired by and contains a fair number of allusions to Frankenstein. Read it recently and really enjoyed it.
Revival was the moment I knew Stephen King was one of the greatest authors of our time. It felt like a book he just shotguned out, and it was still a damn good read.
Oh I'm a long time fan, I even enjoyed his books as Richard Bachman, albeit everyone knew it was him by the time I got around to them. That's what got me about Revival. It pales in comparison to his other books, but it was still great.
Yeah, I think its because King shies away from writing proper horror nowadays. Revival, in all its glory was good but not a spooky. I liked the end though which is one thing about King books people complain about.
I'm halfway through Revival right now and am so glad you think it's good. It's just really starting to get interesting. I was getting anxious for a bit.
Zylle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, and I really enjoyed all the Lovecraftian allusions throughout the book.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 02:48:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dracula is really dry, but I have crazy respect for Stoker because he took a horror, wrote it epistolary-style, and still made it suspenseful. How can you be nervous about something written in a letter? You know the person was okay enough to write it...
The section with the ship's log was great, I thought.
Frankenstein, however, I couldn't get into. Stopped halfway, right after the monster picked up the entire English language by eavesdropping on a family in the woods.
It's one of the foundations of science fiction. And like a lot of classics, it hasn't necessarily aged well, especially as the genre has grown, but without it...
If we're getting into graphic formats, let Frank Miller run wild in the Tarantino universe.
[deleted] ยท 590 points ยท Posted at 01:42:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King or Rowling write Game of Thrones.
Mostly just because they know how to finish a damn book/series without waiting until they die of diabetes.
Edit: I'm aware their endings can be subpar. I'm aware that Rowling will ruin it five years from now by saying that John Snow is a pedo or something. But. Any ending is better than no ending.
He actually wrote the guy into one of the books. The character drives a blue minivan with his Rottweiler named bullet, and almost hits a fictionalized Stephen King. He even named the character Brian Smith, the man who hit him was Everett Smith.
His wife also cleaned out his studio while he was recovering so she could redecorate it. Seeing the empty studio made him realize what it would look like after his death. This inspired him to write Lisey's Story, which is one of my all time favorite books.
Yeah, the self-insert Stephen King is a recurring character in DT and it's god-awful. We jokingly call that period of his writing the 'van' period (DT, Duma Key, Lisey's Story, etc). I completely understand why he kept rehashing the accident in his various writings though; Stephen King gets through shit by writing about it. I quite love "Doctor Sleep", but a good portion of it is very clearly "Stephen King's Ode to Alcoholics Anonymous", and that's alright, it worked for him and he's just doing his processing thang.
Well, the One True Ending is 'Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came', a stupidly long poem by Robert Browning. How that will be interpreted will remain to be seen.
I'm saying he doesn't "know how to finish" a book because his endings are famously terrible.
I haven't read everything he's written, obviously, but it often comes across like he writes several hundred pages, thinks "gee this is getting pretty long" and just kinda ends it.
but his endings are known for being sub-par. well, the past 10 years or so anyway. Under the Dome and 11/22/63 stand out. Oftentimes the books just end very abruptly.
That's how a supernatural thriller / horror / sci-fi novel should end though, isn't it? Right to the throat the whole way through, and having you put down the book wondering what the Hell you just read?
I thought Mr. Mercedes had a brilliant ending, and my friend said that Revivals was great as well. Anything specific from the last ten you thought ended poorly? I actually think his earlier books, until the 1980-1996 golden age of King, are sub-par compared to the last ten or so years.
indiscriminate stephen king spoilers below, beware all.
Well, even though I love them both, under the dome and 11/22/63 both had bad endings, I thought. Under the Dome was such an amazing look at a small town tawdriness, but it wasn't orchestrated by something like the literal devil coming into your town and setting it all up like in Needful Things--instead it was already all there, beneath the surface, and the dome just brought it to a head. It was a fantastic "What If" scenario, and the ending was just, " *Shrug, aliens did it. classic kid-on-an-anthill-with-a-magnifying-glass scenario." The ending felt more suited to a 30 minute twilight zone episode (such as Monsters are due on Maple Street, which the novel is very reminiscent of) than a huge doorstopper of a book.
11/22/63 is a book I really love, but I just can't say that the ending is good. The chapters with sadie make you really want Jake to just leave it all behind and stay in the past, but King leaves just enough of a threatening current running the background to keep the hairs on the back of your neck up. The bookies. Sadie's husband. The conspiracy. And then it shatters this idyllic thing he had going when Sadie is attacked and deformed. He could just do a reset...but when he did it before after just a little while, it felt....unethical, or dishonest, to romance a girl he'd already romanced, only she doesn't know it. But surely the temptation is there. So anyway, my problem is that when he finally does go back to the future, the book shies away from making concrete, realistic extrapolations of what might have happened. It sort of does, but at the same time, it has this other element, the tectonic disruption caused by his time hopping. That wound up causing more trouble than saving Kennedy ever did. And what's why I don't like it. I feel like king didn't fully believe in his vision of the alternate present so he made sure there were other factors at play so he could kind of softball it. Also, it's implied (or stated) that every time he goes back he makes a new universe right? So...that timeline where he ROYALLY FUCKED THINGS UP is still out there, and the earth is going to end. And Jake...never really seems to fully grasp the gravity of his actions. He just goes back to "his" timeline and that's that.
Revival did have an amazing ending, and the book was paced extremely well. Mr. Mercedes reads like it was born to be made into a TV series. I loved the lack of supernatural elements. good ending. Dr. Sleep's ending was...okay. I really like The Shining, I think it's a straight up masterpiece, so I had a few reservations going in to Dr. Sleep. But it felt realistic. Danny's struggling with the problems he inherited from his father, which is exactly what his father before him did. The cycle of abuse theme runs strong through this book. That was the best part of it. The physics of how the psychic energy works was a little weird. I kind of didn't need Shining explained to me--sort of felt like Midichlorians in that way...The ending brought some nice closure to danny's ordeal in The Shining but at the same time, that closure was there (for readers) anyway...Jack bashed his own head in with the mallet after struggling to regain control of his body, in an attempt to let his son and wife get away. I feel like the movie has kind of washed that detail away from us. But anyhoo.
I havent read end of watch or finders keepers yet.
So anyway, you don't like old king? Carrie, The Shining, The Stand, Salem's Lot? These are some of my faves! It's hard to argue with the 80s just being non stop gold. at least till like....tommyknockers.
I can see your points, I suppose. And no, not a big fan of early King. Not as much as I am of the later stuff, yes with the exception of some of the out there novels like Dream catcher and Tommyknockers in the middle. I do really enjoy The Long Walk, however, despite it being one of his first novels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd want Brandon Sanderson then. Not only would GoT be finished, he would have begun 2 other series and already started and finished a third one as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson breaks my heart too much.
Coug-Ra ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:26:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alan Ginsburg.
Neal Stephenson's Jurassic Park - the hacking bits would be way better and Muldoon would be replaced by the stock Neal Stephenson Badass Commando Character which would be kind of fun.
Also, John Scalzi rewriting basically anything by Peter F. Hamilton.
The commando would be a Shaftoe, the hacker would be a Waterhouse, Jeff Goldblum would be the Greatest Swordfighter In Japan And The Internet. It would have a really awkward sex scene that nobody really wants to see and is just sort of glossing their way through. Van Eck phreaking. Also fucking Enoch would show up at some point, because fuck you.
Corund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two thirds of the way through the book there'd be a hundred page digression on Neolithic stone tool culture that had nothing to do with whaling.
ejp1082 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 03:56:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Neville would survive because he's too cowardly to put himself in mortal danger.
Harry would be a goner by the end of the first book. What did you think was going to happen when a first year wizard goes off to find a heavily guarded artifact and faces off against the dark lord himself?
Draco becomes a POV character in the second book and quickly becomes a fan favorite.
Hermione is tortured and raped by Dolores Umbridge.
The entire Weasley clan dies at Bill's wedding.
Snape would be the ultimate "hero" of the whole thing.
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 04:13:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
neville is a fat loser, like sam. GRRM would write him meeting some bitchin' hottie with daddy issues and he'd like totally rescue her from it and she would let him touch her titties and would give him head. also the giving head scene would be lovingly drawn out to 25 pages.
Odds that Fudge would have Dumbledore killed and replaced with Malfoy in Prisoner of Azkaban, only for the ministry to be overthrown by Voldemort in Goblet of Fire: very, very high.
For those interested, /u/Luna_Lovewell has written quite a few crossovers (on /r/writingprompts and /r/Luna_Lovewell ). Not quite what the topic is about, but I seek to remember a Harry Potter one as if written by George RR Martin, which is probably the closest thing we'll get given the current state of copyright laws. (Also they're fantastic reads)
They privately disagreed with the mods about a few things and how they were being run. It was observed that if such a popular author spoke out publicly against these things, users might revolt against the mods. So they banned Luna to prevent a subreddit civil war.
Not a great move, honestly I like to think that the users of /r/writingprompts are better than that and could discuss things about how they want their sub run fairly and not promoting one author over another, but I'm not a mod there so I cannot say for sure 100% what both sides of that argument actually were.
It was observed that if such a popular author spoke out publicly against these things, users might revolt against the mods. So they banned Luna to prevent a subreddit civil war.
Holy shit, that's a really good writing prompt, they should-... oh wait.
Taedirk ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was observed that if such a popular author spoke out publicly against these things, users might revolt against the mods. So they banned Luna to prevent a subreddit civil war.
Sounds like the sort of thing that would trigger a subreddit civil war.
"I have a bad feeling about this." That's something a jedi would say whenever they could sense something wasn't right. Sometimes they would say it simply to fill time or because it's something a jedi would say and so there were expected to.
It's frustrating not to have any limbs, you see. It was almost lucky all his hair had been burned off, otherwise he'd have no way to comb it. It would be enough to drive anyone to the dark side. In any case, Padme was gone and she couldn't appreciate his hair anymore anyway. So the scientists began the process of replacing Anakin's limbs and organs and other bits with machines. The whole ordeal was quite painful. So it goes.
His breathing apparatus made sort of a whoosh-whoosh sound and gave his speech an ominous tone. Everything sounded ominous now, mind you. Even a simple request for a sandwich had the weight of the Empire behind it. Not that he had much appetite. Everything hurt all the time, and he itched terribly all over. It was like all his clothes had been filled with sand. He hated sand.
E. L. James's version of Twilight is already out. She adapted 50 Shades of Grey out of a fanfiction she wrote called Masters of the Universe or something.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If by adapted you mean she did a search and replace for the names to make it legal to sell then, yeah she adapted it. I've read the original fanfiction.
I used to read the Shannara series. So much time spent walking... After I read a few they all fell into the same pattern: get a small group of elf/humans, tell them the mission, split the party into 3 directions, only one of them is interesting at any one time but they all get equal chapter time...
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:15:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fundamental premise of the books would have to change, and potentially in a way that made for a deeper and more compelling story.
The Hunger Games would probably not be a great way to maintain oppression, but I could see a scenario where desperate people sell off their children to compete in a life or death reality TV show.
The part the first movie needed most was that putting in lots for the hunger games means more food and stuff for that family, and the whole risk/reward of putting in extra lots for more essentials
But they did say that. I remember that quite clearly and I haven't read the books. I'm pretty sure Liam Hemsworth's character said it. He put his name in a lot so he could get extra rations. It was when he was reassuring Katniss that Prim would never be picked because her name was only in it once.
They did mention that in the first movie rather explicitly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They say this in the books and the movie... They can put their name in more times for every family member every year to get more food. Gale has his name in 64 times.
I would agree. The way he gets so technical about things. It would just be interesting to see him explain the way the technology worked. I'd imagine we would read through the eyes of a person who was in the organization that ran the Hunger Games and their moral dilemmas.
I am not the target demographic of "The Hunger Games" , I understand that.
Now you're gonna cry, and try to play Dr Phil because someone called you on your bullshit?
Lollerskates!
Maybe you should try talking to some actual people, to learn how actual people react, instead of basing your social interactions on reading children's books.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:24:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you've read his best work if you feel that way. His pacing was always wonderful, there's a reason his novels adapted to readily to the big screen.
Yeah I'd say even if the book wasn't even that interesting it was always written in a way where it was like you were watching a movie. I'd rate 'Airframe' for example as mostly uninteresting to me, but I read through and it staved off boredom because the pacing was great.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:09:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like Crichton in the same way I like Clancy.
That doesn't mean he couldn't write a good paperback version of the hunger games.
But he would definitely add a lot too the story. Make it more about all the contestants and how they died. Although, since we know the contestants die eventually, would he have any fun writing it?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given that, spoilers ahead, 2 characters from the first Hunger Games and a handful of characters from the second survive, sure, I think he'd have fun subverting our expectations for who lives and who dies. Just because the rules demand only 1 survivor, doesn't mean the outcome is the same.
Just so you know, GRRM originally planned for ASOIAF to only be three books too. You don't think he could go on and on and on and on with the setting of the Hunger Games? The game itself and the following civil war? Come on! (Saying this as a HUGE GRRM fan, haha.)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isolated area, diverse group of survivors, oppressive company/government, genetically-engineered monsters. Yeah, I can dig it.
That would be so awesome! I always liked the world of The Hunger Games, but hated the dumbed - down tone and the focus of the story. I only read the first book, but it felt like this cool ass world that just focused on teen drama. Crichton would go so much darker and nerdier!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was wrong with the books? Sure, Mockingjay was a bit muddled and hard to follow at times, but the other two were quite good, I thought.
Though i'm not a huge fan of Crichton's writing (i feel lile he goes off into details about little things for pages and pages too long), i feel like he might put some more interesting twists in the story itself, i would read it.
keboh ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started reading this like "how can you not like Crichton?!" And then you went on to describe the exact reason I like him as why you dont, lol.
I definitely do like his description, how well he expresses emotion or peoples expressions, but reading through all the scientific shit in Jurassic Park was a bit much for me (i have a ridiculously short attention span).
I can definitely respect that, And I agree with the parts you like. But I also happen to like all the scientific detail he goes into on every aspect of the part. It's definitely not everyone's cup of tea though.
Ridiculously advanced technology that could solve most of the settings wider social problems but is instead used in an amusement park-like setting? Checks out.
There is a large chunk of the original that basically mimics e.e.'s work already. But having more random capital letters and playful spacing in some of the first 200 pages would just make the challenging book that much more so.
Atlas Shrugged by Ernest Hemingway. I feel like it would be shorter and more readable while probably making the characters stand out a little more and possibly be more relatable. I also feel like Hemingway wouldn't miss a beat in conveying the message.
My top 12 books being covered by other authors. I chose to do alive or death.
H.P. Lovecraft covers the Bible. I mean, seriously, why has this not been done yet? Their unspeakable chants would forever enshrine it as the "goode booke". Plus, we would finally know what form the starborn named joshua had, if one of the three magi was coincidentially dressed in yellow, and whom the whore of babylon was riding. IรH IESUH! IรH FTHAGN! Whitnes the great treasure the nazarene has left the world! listen to the signs mankind was not supposed to know! See his second volume, the lovecrafthian quran!
Sergei Lukanienko covers "Harry Potter". Harald Pottrovitsh lives with his uncle and aunt in the middle of Moscow, when a letter arrives, that forces him out of his comfortable life as a post stalinist Psychology student. He has to report to the moscow electric works, that has a youth divison, where he gets to put bullets between the ears of werewolves, explode vampires, and hunt the dark ones that violate the great treaty, that once seemed allmost invulnerable. Herminovna Grangrovitch is a research assistant, that he awekwardly woos, and his best friend is the ex militia cadett amd descendant of kolchose farmers, Ryvny Weaslov. Those that know, I fully agree. get that man back to writing Watch novels. No matter the cost!
Hunter S Thompson covers Sherlock Holmes. "Holmes, which is it today," I asked my fat sussex doctor, which had taken to pouring beer on his belly, in the manner befitting his lower class upbringing. "Morphine or Cocaine?" He raised his bloodshot eyes languidly from the old black-leather shaving case which he had opened. A heavy weight water buffalo, too stuck up to die, too weird to live. "It is adrenochrome," he said, smiling toothily at me, "a seventy-per-cent pure solution. Would you like to try some? A your physician, I advise you not to worry. " On his travels to pursue the english dream, they uncover the horror that lurks beneath, invade a narcotics convention of the east india company, and secure wages from the swine woman.
Barry Hughart covers the Discworld novels. "O great and mighty Mistress Ogg, pray impart to me the Secret of Wisdom!" he bawled. Nanny just sighed. "Take a large mug," She said. "Fill it with equal measures of fact, fantasy, history, mythology, science, superstition, logic, and lunacy. Darken the mixture with bitter tears, brighten it with howls of laughter, toss in three thousand years of civilization and just a bit of medicinal brandy, bellow wossnames โ whatever means "dry cup" in your languageโ and drink to the dregs." Twoflower stared at her. "And I will be wise?" he asked. "Better," she replied, giving him a wide smile. "You will be Morporkian". Honestly speaking, the only heir worthy of the Pratchett worlds. I can not entirely say which author is more talented.
Warren Ellis covering 50 shades of grey. "Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? " She blinked, not sure what to say. "I am a bit shy in that regard...."
Doug Stanhope covering Fightclub. "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. Damn it, put your fucking camera away, you stupid fucking tourist of life! There's a whole generation of shitheads just filming every fucking thing they do. "I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!", an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "
Jhonen Vรกsquez covering Mickey Mouse. Mickey: "Trust me, I know what self loathing is. But to kill myself? That would put a damper on my search for answers. Not at all productive. Besides, I've become increasingly doubtful as to whether I can die at all. But let's not get into that." Donald: backs slowly away
Robert E howard covering Pride and Predjeduce. โFrom the very beginningโ from the first moment, I may almost sayโ of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.โ He looked at her, and after a while, finally spoke. "Let teachers and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content." After a moment of silence, she coughed. "Oh dear", she said, "I think we may have to excuse ourselves from polite company for that..."
Terry Pratchett covering "The Dark Tower", Discworld style. With Samuel Vimes as Roland.
Snorri Sturluson covering the Thora. Making it interresting.
Dan Abnett doing Tom Clancy. Good God the Readers would vomit.
12.And my personal favorite: William Gibson doing The Hunger Games, or Battle Royal. Finally, we would see where Molly got her claws, and spent summer camp.
Tired now, got to get some rest. Glad you got a kick out of my "covers." Really A+++ idea BTW, one of the best I've been on AskReddit. If only reddit at large read more than the same 30 freaking books.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:02:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, Dean Koontz' 50 Shades would be a fucking masterpiece. There would be weird inbred hick mutants, "magic special ed kids", kids who can talk to ghosts, aliens, and in the end Christian Grey would be murdered and Ana Steele would end up with some nice and not crazy man.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:56:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cannot get into /r/rational fiction. It just feels too self aware for me. I read HPMOR, and it was okay. Then I read Friendship Is Optimal, and I came out completely disturbed. The idea that a basilisk AI becomes intelligent enough to perfectly predict actions to control people's free will, and it's to turn them into My Little Pony characters trapped within a matrix, all the while consuming and killing everything in the universe that doesn't identify as human to Celest A.I.?
Just nope. I was simultaneously disturbed and enthralled by the prospects of a perfect utopia, but not at that cost, or at that level.
If you want a different type of disturbed, I'd recommend reading Eakin's Friendship is Optimal: All the Myriad Worlds and Friendship is Optimal: Psychopathy is Configurable, which move away from the philosophical/rationalist themes of the original story and explore what it would be like living in a fantasy world completely controlled by CelestAI. It's a really fascinating look into the psyches of various types of people and the author does a fantastic job getting inside each character's head and making you understand them, no matter how alien or vile you may think of them.
Thanks for the recommendations, but it wasn't really a mentally-healthy kind of disturbed. More of a dysmorphic "I wish I was a pony in a perfect world" disturbed, which isn't all that healthy. I mean, I would rather be a dragon or pony than human, but it's not healthy to dwell on fiction like that.
Yep. What I love most about Sanderson, what lets me look past his other issues as a writer, is that he sits down and thinks about what the magic he puts into his world means.
I love that you can really tell he plans what he's doing. Spoiler for Mistborn I like the fact that he mentions Vin's earring in the first book and it comes back later and explains a ton.
You might check out "Ra" by Sam Hughes. It's got several appendices going into quite a bit of detail about how and why magic works the way it does; there's a lot of thought that went into making it all consistent.
An amalgamation of Pynchon and Franzen could almost pull it off. Pynchon for the amazing, complex prose and the weirdness and Franzen for the human connections and feelings.
Ichier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:23 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Gaiman would make the story a bit too "mystical," and it would kinda take away from the depressing reality that makes Infinite Jest so iconic for me
Yes, but Infinite Jest is actually more zany than many people think: JOI's wraith, Lyle, 'Helen' Steeply and Orin, James Inc's films. It is a depressing novel but the world in IJ is not as bleak as in, say, Brave New World or The Road. Atleast it isn't for me.
This comment alone makes the undisclosed amount of time I spent refreshing myself on the details of various books to come up with appropriate titles totally worth it.
As someone who is a fan of the Potter universe and absolutely loved The Dresden Files, this crossover was unexpectedly fantastic. Can we have James Marston read the audio books?
Which ones? The Potter-by-Butcher audio books, continuing his tradition of reading Butcher's books, or the Dresden-by-Rowling books, continuing his tradition of reading the Dresden books?
I jest. It obviously needs to be both.
Also; honestly surprised I was the first person to post 'what if the Wizards Named Harry traded authors?'
Oh, absolutely. Interesting to imagine Harry Potter being written/read in that style. I feel like there'd be a lot more mystery and more red herrings in the story.
Thanks! I arrived a few hours late to the show, so I'm not surprised it's not getting noticed much. By the time I posted this there were already comments with 5k+ upvotes. Whatever, I didn't do it for points. Glad you liked it!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:54 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DUDE YES! I scrolled WAY too far to find a Jim Butcher suggestion.
Edit: also, I love how you made JK Rowling give away the major plot points of every Dresden Files book in the title, as per usual.
But, obviously. If they don't bring their own style to the table, it isn't a proper cover, is it?
The Potter by Butcher books would be a lot grittier and more mysterious, with much harsher consequences. They may also revolve around a magical college instead of a middle/high school, in order to properly mature the setting for the gritter style. Aberforth would be a regularly appearing character.
On the other hand, the Dresden by Rowling books would be a little bit more straightforward. Less of a mad dash to figure out all the dangling plot threads and red herrings, and a more direct game of wits between the main character(s) and the bad guy of the year. There'd also be a lot more tongue-in-cheek mythological jokes and references that weren't straight-up characters, and probably some form of BBEG who seems to be pulling the strings from the shadows, regardless of which magical superpower is actually the villain of the week. (It'd totally be Justin DuMourne, who never actually died.)
Also, Dresden would be written in the third person, and feature a lot of flashes around Chicago to show us what the villains are up to, where as Potter would be entirely first person, and we'd only ever see or know what Harry knows. (Imagine reading Goblet of Fire without all the little flashes to Voldemort and Wormtail, including the prologue? You'd wind up thinking the whole book was about the actual tournament until the very end!)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:20 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dobby the elf's deceased twin sister left a ghost and that ghost gave Voldemort the idea to rebel against the magical world. Or something equally far fetched and unexpected.
Don't forget the book 6 plot twist when we find out that girl Harry hooked up with in the first book, before he met Ginny, had a kid, who has now been kidnapped by Death Eaters, and Harry is going to need to team up with the coven of vampires that he met in book 3 to defeat them before his child becomes a Horcrux.
Or, even though Harry Potter has been beat to death in this thread (as well a suicide by Elder God), Harry Potter by Patrick Rothfuss. The descriptions of learning magic would be so much better than in the original HP.
Or you know, him just writing something akin to Fear and Loathing that critiques our modern day society. RIP. He would have had a helluva lot to say if he were still around, especially considering how drug culture has changed.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:59:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The short story describes the fictional Pierre Menard who in this world rewrote Don Quixote as a 20th century Frenchman. The short story even includes blurbs of a literary analysis of the work as you would acually analyse Don Quixote if it was actually written in 20th century France. Borges pulls a passage from Cervantes and says like "look at this exquisite passage of 17th century Spanish prose" and then cites the identical from Pierre Menard and says "here we see the awkward obsolete phrasing of a non-native Spanish writer". Then he pulls a different passage from Cervantes and describes it as uninteresting, but then the identical passage from Menard "this is clearly a reference to Marxism and Hegelian philosophy" or something like that.
Think the Black Dahlia meets Twin Peaks: it's The Wizard of Oz, reimagined by James Ellroy as a sprawling noir epic. Just months after making it to Hollywood, ambitious up-and-coming starlet Dorothy Gale is found brutally murdered in 1956 L.A., her brain, heart, and guts neatly removed before her shoeless corpse was dumped in a poppy field on a vacant lot. The tale jumps back and forth between her impoverished youth in the Kansas dustbowl, her hellish journey west with farmhands and drifters, and the twisting LAPD investigation.
Most of her friends also seem to be men who possibly preyed on her as well, including:
-Stephan "Stuffy" Jakes, a illiterate, quasi-agoraphobic jazz prodigy who had a nervous breakdown after witnessing a terrible crime;
-Charlie Hart, a scorned, sociopathic studio head who charms all of Hollywood but whose cruelty knows no bounds;
-and Lionel Gaines, a tubby, aging comic who wants to be taken seriously as a dramatic actor but can't break free from the famed trio he formed with his domineering brothers.
Dorothy's journey encompasses gritty opium dens and swank nightclub lounges, ramshackle desert roadhouses and the swinging casinos of Vegas, Palm Springs nudist enclaves and the glamorous mansions of Beverly Hills, and is scattered with warped cameos by old celebrities.
Her fate, we learn, is intertwined with the lives of two older women: a viperous gossip columnist who initially acted as her mentor and has spies all over town, and a former movie queen who's transitioned into a powerful business mogul who can afford to operate outside of the Hollywood system. Matters are further complicated when one of the partner detectives on the case begins a secret affair with her confidante, a handsome young Latin rent boy known in the underground gay circuit as "Toto."
Green ain't always good in the glittering City of Angels.
You totally should! I'd be interested. I'm sure others would be too.
Quite a while ago I saw some retellings of Shakespheare. MacBeth was set in modern times, with him as a chef who kills his father to take over their family restaurant/empire. It was pretty awesome. They did the Taming of the Shrew taking place at a news/morning show television station. Since that's never been a favorite work of mine, they made it pretty entertaining.
Wow, where were these? The Macbeth one sounds like Scotland, PA, a modern retelling set at a fast food restaurant or something. I've not seen it. Shrew at a TV station sounds awesome.
I'd misremembered - Much Ado About Nothing is set at the TV Station. Taming of the Shrew is about an MP marrying a dude with a title in order to advance her career, trying to become the party leader. But I still enjoyed the Taming of the Shrew. I remember liking what they did with her new husband.
I need to find these at the library again. Or see if they are on Netflix.
The best part is that this actually exists! Written by Ian Doescher, I feel it's a fairly accurate account of a Shakespearian style play... On Star Wars!
"And so we beat on, boats against the current-- not entirely dissimilar to a newly pubescent boy discovering the wonders of sexual pleasure-- borne back ceaselessly into the past and so on."
"Gatsby's surefire way to get the girl:
Step 1: Actually have a girl to get in the first place. Being a military man might help here. Money would help more.
Step 2: Fail to court said girl the first time around.
Step 3: Allow her to marry someone else, preferably a rather wealthy fellow who played a sport of some kind. Allowing her to have his child helps.
Step 4: After becoming noticably wealthy through illegal alcohol trade due to the prohibited nature of society, buy a mansion across the way from her own and set up a light at the end of your dock. Green is a good color-- the color of money. That should definitely work; she's bound to see that green light eventually and think 'Do you know who might have a lot of money now? Gatsby, I'll bet that's who it is.'
Step 5: Throw lavish parties that sometimes border on orgies at your mansion in the hopes that she'll one day attend them and you'll run off together amidst the bacchanalia.
Step 6: Make sure she never shows up at your parties.
Step 7: When her cousin inevitably moves into the small house next door to yours, use him as your in with the girl. Be sure to treat the fellow right, though; everybody needs a friend when their life consists only of bootlegging and alcohol fueled orgies.
Step 8: After you've gotten back with your girl, make sure you can get her to leave her husband and run off with you to start anew.
Step 9: Fail at step 8.
Step 10: After much deliberation, decide it would be best if her husband discovers about your affair. Have a nice little fight about it.
Step 11: After the fight drive off with your mistress. Better yet, let her drive. It'll make it more interesting when she strikes and kills her husband's mistress out of sheer coincidence.
Step 12: Wait at your house to take the fall for the death of the aforementioned mistress of the husband, or possibly run off forever with your girl. Take a relaxing dip in your pool while you wait.
Step 13: You know what would make this interesting? Get shot by the husband of the previously aforementioned mistress because he holds you accountable for his wife's death. Die in the pool. What a way to go, wouldn't you say?"
I'd thought about dropping a neutron bomb on all of Long Island, or maybe making Gatsby Hitler's best friend from when they were fighting in the War, but I decided it would be best if I kept the story as faithful to the original as possible.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:30:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespear presents: a cover of My Immortal, the Harry Potter fanfic
messum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah! That'd be horrible. I imagine there would be a lot more sex and murder. Queen Islazandi dies, tragically before Arya returns home. Brom dies tragically, leaving Eragon alone without a father, and he's forced to find the Varden on his own. At that point, he discovers Arya. Corrupted by the god-complex of immortality and dragon rider-ship, he proceeds to rape Arya in her coma.
He becomes consumed with guilt, and attempts to fall on his sword. Then as a cruel joke, Galbatorix decides to awaken them both from their deaths, forever bound by the blood that fell them both.
Now they're forced to work together from the very start to defeat Galbatorix. Roran falls in battle, to be returned to Katrina on his shield, and all that he can leave for his wife and unborn child is his hammer. Then Katrina is forced to find haven in Ellesmera, and once again be abused by her father.
[deleted] ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 02:59:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're going to need a new protagonist, because the old one dies a few chapters in, after pain-staking detail is placed into developing the lore surrounding why Edward is feeding off of her. Lots more people die due to werewolfs.
On another note, this actualy happens from time to time. Best Example I can think of, a Russian author who wrote the opposing viewpoint to Lord of The Rings.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer
Maybe you could make a thread about some author not named Nietzsche? I was gonna make a thread about Scandinavian literature, but I don't have time to participate myself, so I won't bother. Keep your shitty meme-threads over at leddit
I can't really comment on good novel "cover" ideas but as a musician I could maybe shed some light on why this concept isn't really a thing in literature.
In the music industry a song is legally divided into two entities: the song as a piece of writing (that's the Publishing side) and the actual recording of the song's performance (called the Master). For a cover, the original songwriter gets credited and paid the Publishing royalties while the covering artist (usually the label actually, but you get my point) gets credit/ownership/money for the Master.
I don't know the legal world of books at all but it seems like it would be much more difficult to divide the credit, rights, and payment of a "cover" story because the lines are blurred, legally. Unless it's a situation where the original writer is dead past the limits of public domain, or is friendly with the covering writer and welcoming to the idea, it could get messy once you start dividing up the profits.
Again, I know nothing about book publishing, this is just conjecture from how the music industry works.
A big issue on the book side is that copyright extension has kept a TON of work from entering the public domain. So while old stuff like fairy tales and Shakespeare can be done by anyone, anything recent is off the table. But while we can't get direct covers, we can get mash-ups, twists, and all sorts of interesting derivative works (Flash Gordon leading to Star Wars, James Bond leading to Kingsman, etc).
There should be a live musical of the Bible played by famous comedians.
Like Imagine Ricky Gervais being God and there's a whole monologue of him being tired of all the little and insignificant stuff on Earth and literally floods the entire world
And Danny Devito is Jesus trying to preach the good news but everyone doesn't believe him cause they think he's a homeless nut
And it would be way dark. The female characters would be more kickass though. We might actually see Galadriel kill a few people, with her magic and through physical means. The hobbits would be tortured.
Lot of silly replies here, but (though it might be disrespectful) I would like to see Brandon Sanderson's take on previous books of the Wheel of Time. Robert Jordan wrote a fantastic series, but some of the later books suffered from very slow pacing and are generally cited as being why people stopped reading. Likewise, Sanderson coming in to finish the last three books after Jordan's death was much appreciated by readers and purportedly revitalized the series for many.
Honestly, I'd reread the series if Sanderson re-edited the rest of the series. Improve some characters, cut out some bitching/whining, make the plot move along faster. The pacing made it so hard to finish the series. I only need to read the last book (three books) but I feel like I've forgotten so much...
I'm thinking Harry Potter and the reckless decadence by F Scott Fitzgerald
"Oh Harry, you old sport, you poor semi-delusionally hopeful dreamer with 'some heightened sensitivity to the prophecy of the chosen one', focusing your whole self and soul on that elusive green light of Voldemort. A horcrux that shatters just when you are this close to it"
"And so we beat on boats against the current borne ceaselessly into movie sequels"
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:59:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:20:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King.
A gruesome tale of an abused boy finding a magical world threatened by magical elitists. A story of innocence progressively lost? A group of friends with one female? A gay head master? Has king written all over it.
Well, I don't if this counts, but the whole Star Wars saga, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And there'd be like, a family tree at the beginning. And you know a book with family trees. Oh...
Well. There are some good ones, but I feel like we've waded through every possible variation of (Tolkien/Martin/Douglas/Rowling/Pratchett) x (Fantasy novel or bible) at this point. What would you like to see?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't speak for ghostbt but I'd like to see authors with super distinctive styles cover stories that suit them. Like I'd love to see Nabokov cover Frankenstein, for example. Or Conrad cover As I Lay Dying.
The best ones I can come up with are covers of paradise lost tho. I'd love to see any number of authors cover that one.
Completely agree - distinctive styles would be most interesting. I haven't dared pick up paradise lost yet, maybe a contemporary cover would be less daunting as a warm up..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There actually is one! Its called Paradise Lost: The Novel, and its by Joseph Lanzara. I haven't read it, so I can't speak to quality, but it allegedly follows the beats of the original story, so, who knows, might be what you're looking for if you want a middle ground in between sparknotes and the actual poem.
If I were to speculate, I suspect that it compromises on style and quality at least a little, but speaking as someone who really likes it, the original poem is legitimately a struggle to understand. Telling someone they should only read the original is something guy in your mfa would say.
In a bibbling bobhole twere livings one Hobbit. A dirtyfilthmess gurglingson worm'wet oozings swas not, narry a narid dry sandyole spavings no victuals nore chairs; a Hobbitole one mi'say, 'nd 'at meanigns comfort.
I could see it as alright. It'd certainly put more of a sense of wonder into the Force.
And we'd actually see more force mastery than just an X-Wing getting pulled out of a swamp. Seriously, Yoda's supposed to be an old master, as are Vader and Palpatine, and the most impressive stuff we see from them are tricks that could be replicated with a crane and a tesla coil? I love Star Wars, but man did they oversell the Force in the original trilogy.
This may be weird, actually it is weird, that's the point, but I want to read the Edger Allan Poe cover of Bear.
For those that don't know, Bear is a semi-erotic Canadian novel(la) detailing the falling out of a woman from society and her ensuant love affair with a bear. Yeah, not the idea of a bear. Not like a big hairy man. A fucking wild bear. There is some question, to some who have read it, if the bear is in fact real or if the woman is imagining the beast as some manifestation of her desire for natural strength and yadda yadda. But I want to see it taken further.
Poe's work was a great mixture of detail and mystery and madness. I can see him taking this semi-erotic oddity and turning it into a psychological thriller that could captivate and chill its audience for centuries to come.
Jim Butcher has created some of my favourite depictions of vampires and werewolves so I'd like to see him take on Twilight since it'd be interesting to see what he does with it. White court vampires kind of make me think of what Stephanie Meyer was going for but done right, though he came up with them almost a decade before Twilight was published.
Hemingway writing the Lord of the Rings. The chapter covering the destruction of the ring would be called, The Big Two-Hearted Lava River. Afterword Sam and Frodo would eat peanut butter and onion sandwiches and wash them down with daiquiris that tasted faintly of ash with an oily backwash.
Most likely what would happen is Stephenson would spend about 800 pages describing the complexity of the spawl, ice, and metaverse. Then the book would end abruptly in five paragraphs with no closure or setup for the next book. Happens to me every time I pick up a Stephenson book :(
Neil Gaiman just released a book called "Norse Mythology", which is essentially him retelling Norse tales as he remembers them. It's pretty much what you're describing. It's great, too.
"What is work... function? A crippling, empty obfuscation of the reality of our world? Why bother analyzing that? What I'm more interested in is how things ARE. Where things exist, and what things mean to us inherently, not exherently. A function is simply our reduction of an object's reality down to its place in our finite existence. That stapler will continue to hold form long after you've used it, long after you're dead and gone, its atoms will remain. What good does analyzing the lever action of said stapler serve, when the vast majority of its existence will be free of your perception, free of your supposition of work. Indeed, to say that things 'work' in a way that you presuppose is a dangerous feat of hubris, in my mind... Your slice of perception doesn't define an object's purpose, its very existence does. One day, you will become more innately in-tune with the idea of yourself and the stapler being one, and such concepts as work and purpose lie completely against this self-discovery..."
"So let go of them. Be part of the eternal Big Bang, and let go of your presumption of the extent of reality. The stapler doesn't matter, the nuclear reactor doesn't matter, the function and form of the objects we've molded to the needs we've designated for them are all immaterial in comparison to the cosmos."
"So stop comparing. Things don't work. Things simply are, and you are them."
There are a few songs that I think that I feel that way about as well, you'll see different styles cover certain songs and some songs are great for that. I could see fight club as an action adventure / straight violent action book, as a romance, personally I think fight club is 100% a romance as a movie and as a book, as a thriller / horror novel etc.
I think that's more the GRRM version. For Shakespeare, we see Pongo go through some heroics to get his puppies back, including killing some of Cruella's lackeys.
While he's gone, another dog tries to seduce Perdita. She flirts and tries to string him along so he doesn't get mad, but has excuses to turn him away.
Perdita falls into despair, thinking she'll never see her puppies again. She drinks radiator fluid to forget & die. As she succumbs to the poison, the father arrives. He tells her that he managed to save all of the puppies. She dies happy. Then he runs out into traffic because he'd been too late. He'd saved some of the puppies, but his own children were gone. Since Perdita was also dead, there was nothing left to live for.
Wheel of Time by Stephen King. King's economy of words with a story that doesn't have a fuck-you ending and actually makes sense. Yeah that's right. Dark Tower's ending sucks balls and the last three books have no plot.
You kind of get this with comics (which is one of the many reasons I love comics). While both being undeniably Batman, Jeph Loeb's version is very different from Grant Morrison's.
I don't understand any of these references to authors/jokes, I'm just a simple man, going through life, upvoting comments and acting like I understand them, cause FUCK taking an entire 24 hour period to have a grasp at even ONE of these mentions.
Pat Rothfuss writes the dark tower series. Each book has like an extra hundred pages worth of worrying about shirts, money and he somehow manages to put student loans into the books.
I feel like a David Sedaris take on Gatsby, still written in first person as Nick, would be a WHOLE different ball of wax.
50 Shades of Grey by Stephen King, with the danger and sex appeal the original believed it had and failed miserably. It's a much better story because, for starters, the genders are swapped, and it's a Graduate-style tale of an insanely wealthy older woman who's always felt victimized and gets off on domination taking a college guy down a jacked up path. Better still? Instead of Christian Grey, it's Carrie Grey...
Dashiell Hammett's Bonfire of the Vanities!
Chuck Palahniuk's Matilda.
The Importance of Being Earnest, by Edgar Allan Poe, a chilling morality parable about two men who play a dangerous game of pretend. I'm picturing something like the cast of Frasier acting out Hitchcock's 'Rope' and in my head, it's amazing. But then, when you already have Sideshows Bob and Cecil, I guess the rest does kinda write itself...
All the President's Men, by Anne Rice.
Rebecca, redrawn in the late '80s by Terry McMillan with an all-black cast.
George Orwell rewrites Hunger Games (yay for actual distopian novels)
Samuel Beckett rewrites Faust (the Goethe's one). (K, this is a bit of a cheat, considering that Faust was actually rewritten a lot and Goethe's one is already a "cover" - But an absurdist Faust? I need it).
Paul Di Filippo rewrites Harry Potter (It'd be fun. Fantasy-steampunk would probably fix most of the plotholes by Rule of Cool)
Aaand... This one is even more of a cheat, but I'd love to read a Don Giovanni (Don Juan) graphic novel by Hirohiko Araki.
George Orwell's "fantastic beasts and where to find them", a classic story of the US magical government MCUSA and their dystopian fascist tyranny over nomajs
A 'cover' of the novel wouldn't be a word-for-word rewrite. Yes, that would be pointless. But if someone rewrote a book using these basic characters and plot, in their style, it could create some amazing worlds.
quaid4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Douglas Adams
Those paintings would be so damn snarky, and the stairs that move where ever the hell they want already fit his style of humor.
My list: Douglas Adams, Sophie's World; Anne Rice, Twilight; Virginia Woolf, Jane Eyre; P.D. James, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes; Stephen King, Animal Farm; F. Scott Fitzgerald, Pride and Prejudice; Charles Dickens, A Game of Thrones; Chuck Palahniuk, The Hunger Games (if he writes it like Rant, it would be awesome).
And for a really fun one--Neil Gaiman, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.
George R. Martin featuring the remake of the classic novel known as "The Bible".
Just think of it. Stripped of the unnecessary fluff except for page-long descriptions of food, extra attention to the gore, the lewdness and the many zany characters in it.
Featuring Sean Bean as "Jesus" should it ever come to a TV series based on it.
I thought of that, but I don't think it would be as exciting as it sounds. The authors were visionaries due to their unique insights regarding the experiences they were exposed to.
Jorges Luis Borges wrote a short story, โPierre Menard, author of the Quixoteโ about a guy rewriting Don Quixote word for word identically to the original. It's very funny.
"Wackom(puter) 4000 and his tactile input: if the computer is upset or growlong gently caress the touchpad in the direction of the fur. NEVER give assignments to a computer while caressing agaist the fur growth. They forgot to add the fur"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:32:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry's strung out on heroin, Hermione is prostituting herself, Dumbledore is fiddling kids but constantly gets away with it, Weasley comes from a broken home in the depths of the most desperate poverty.
In all seriousness why is this not a thing? It runs in line with oral tradition and has the potential to make for some brilliant literature and transform stories.
I couldn't make it passed 3 books of Wheel of Time as it's so slow, therefore my choice would be Brandon Sanderson covering the entire thing rather than the few books at the end he wrote to finish the series
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:58:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by George Orwell.
'so first things first, let's get rid of any boobs and make Jon Snow smarter. Oh yeah, and what's this shit about some girl CONTROLLING dragons? Dragons aren't controllable'
Flora 216 was a bee, an ordinary little bee, in an ordinary little hive, in a somewhat harmless planet in the most dull part of the known universe. But when she gets it in her mind to sup some royal jelly and become a new Queen, a civil war erupts in the HiveOnTheAppleTree.
Takes place on an Earth where bees rule but nobody told them that, they just are really good at building their hives and stopping threats.
Also an unnamed Arthur Dent comes down from space at one point in the epilogue looking for honey to put in a sandwich.
Neal Stephenson's cover of Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy. We'd get it recast as a story of the intertwining legacies of a few families through the thousand years of the book, the science would be updated, the Mule's impact would be more fleshed out, and there'd be one character who mysteriously lived through the entire span from the book.
Vast carcass of undying landscape. Bone white. In it I stood, picking my nose, watching my father pass a roque mallet from left hand to right hand, right hand to left hand, left hand to right hand, right hand to left hand, until indeed he looked up at me, at which point I looked away to the hedge, so that he looked down at the roque mallet, proceeding which I looked at him, until indeed his gaze returned to me, so that I'd no alternative but to look at the hedge, suffering which sight he in turn turned to the hedge, our gazes finally altering to meet each other. The hedge looked.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: The Da Vinci Code
and conversely,
Dan Brown: The Hound of the Baskervilles.
I'd be interested to see how the great detective Sherlock would solve that particular mystery, whilst watching Robert Langdon bumble about in a country manor.
This has kinda already happened with Neil Gaiman's Graveyard Book, which is pretty much a goth 'cover' of Rudyad Kipling's The Jungle Book. I guess, along these lines, you could also consider William Shakespeare's Star Wars series by William Doescher to be more of a fan 'cover' of a script. Definitely something I'd love to see happen more.
abearc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:43:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see twilight written with a better writing style and decent character development.
I've just started reading this book, and I'm sure I'm not the first to say this,
But I'd like to see a version of Catcher in the Rye written by an inmate or mental patient, to see an interpretation on a scale more thought out than most would ever delve on their own
I would love to see one of the big name authors take a look at the Inheritance series by Christopher Paolini. Tolkein or Martin would be most interesting I think.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:08:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's Hunger Games
Katniss side eyes a lot more people, Peeta tries to adopt a Tracker Jacked bc they're misunderstood.
I love the story. It's so intense and beautiful. But her writing style KILLS me!
It could really use some normalization in the dialogue, descriptions, (and those passionate as f*ck scenes).
Just want to hear Tolkien and Martin swap novels. "The Fellowship of Ice and Fire will be done hopefully before I'm dead, and Martin will get "A Song of the Ring" done just quick enough to delay the next Game of Thrones book again.
I read a book for summer reading in my 10th grade of high school called "Jake: Reinvented". It was a modernization of The Great Gatsby. That would count as a cover, right?
I mean it does sort of happen. A lot of modern high fantasy totally rips a story laid directly on to a Tolkien's LotR template. Tolkein's own Children of Hurin borrows heavily from several classic works, the names of which frustratingly escape me at the moment.
An example closer to what you are describing would I think be commonly told fairy tales and the Brothers Grimm counterparts. Not so much a novel though... hmmm.
Translations I suspect stand to have much of their tone colored by the specific translator but still not quite exactly like a Postmodern Jukebox cover of Radiohead is it?
I don't know that a musical cover would work necessarily for novels. I don't think I would be super excited for any of them.
Neil Giaman has covered Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book in his book The Graveyard Book. They are essentially the same book only with switched settings and Neil added more serial killers.
Dr. Seuss covering Mein Kampf.
"Do would you like Jews in the Reichland? I Do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like Jews in the Reichland . Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like Jews in the Reichland. I do not like them, Sam-I-am!"
Fannery O'connor cover of The Fall by Camus. I thought The Fall had good characters that O'connor would be able to translate to a southern setting. She also could probably get to the heart of the characters a little bit more concisely.
I told my dad, an avid reader and atheist, about this thread. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I'm not disappointed:
"How about the Bible by Seuss?
'I do not like this Pharoah so well
He dresses quite oddly
I don't like his smell
He won't free my people
He won't let them go
After sending 10 plagues
The Pharoah said 'no'
'I will keep them in bondage and treat them like dogs.
I do not much care if you make it rain frogs'"
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by L. Ron Hubbard. Some idiots would form a religion around it and we'd end up with many people carrying towels everywhere saying "Don't Panic."
Now that I think about it, that sounds WAY better than scientology.
This isn't a new concept. Rewritten novels come out all of the time, they usually have a slight twist to them that makes them distinctive to the author.
Counting only covers by authors that are still alive:
The Neverending Story covered by Lois Lowry.
The City of Ember covered by Neil Gaiman, Philip Pullman or Rudolfo Anaya. (I wanted to like that book, but Jeanne DuPrau write children like toys and not like humans.)
Nineteen Eighty-Four covered by Margaret Atwood. Conversely, Atwood can write women like nobody else canโa skill that Julia could benefit fromโand her political systems peel open in layers upon layers of details and realism instead of coming across as doomsday prophecies as Orwell's systems do.
The Lord of the Rings covered by Philip Pullman.
Howl's Moving Castle covered by Neil Gaiman, Lois Lowry or J.K. Rowling.
Siddhartha covered by Philip Pullman or Michael Ende.
Counting late authors:
/u/Faress21 already suggested the Bible covered by Tolkien. (You're a fucking genius, BTW.)
A trade-off between Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, with the former covering The Chronicles of Narnia and the latter covering The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion.
The Neverending Story covered by Antoine de Saint-Exupรฉry.
The Count of Monte Cristo covered by Victor Hugo.
Howl's Moving Castle covered by Roald Dahl.
The Chronicles of Narnia covered by Michael Ende.
Candide covered by Roald Dahl.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy covered by Voltaire.
Walht ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Suzanne Collins (author of The Hunger Games)'s cover of Harry Potter
I feel like this would be a more streamlined, action-driven trilogy that puts us more in Harry's head and keeps the danger of Voldemort more present (but still building / raising the stakes) throughout the series.
2) J.K. Rowling's cover of Animorphs
She managed the transition from early teens adventure to early adulthood war so well. It'd be fantastic to read her take on Animorphs.
3) Neal Stephenson's cover of The Lord of the Rings
Stephenson is amazing at writing about characters' differences, the roles they find themselves falling into when in a group, and how they learn under pressure to use their strengths / push beyond what they thought were their limits. I'd love to read his take on the Fellowship's journey. And you wouldn't miss a bit of Tolkien's setting depth / all those footnotes, as delivered in a classic Stephenson deep-dive tangent.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:15 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the first book would be called Jake and the Andalite's Cube?
Commenting simply so I can more easily find and re-read, as this has possibly the best comment thread I've ever seen!. Carry on, you magnificent bastards!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:07:24 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can only hope this would be seen, since I'm a day late but:
S.E Hinton, "The Body" (aka Stand By Me)
Also, Janet Evanovich doing an Americanized version of the Georgia Nicolson series would be hilarious.
Dear Reader,
The story you hold in your hands is nothing but misfortune and despair. Within these pages you will find magic, a killing curse, snakes, He Who Most Not Be Named, a talking hat, and a Mirror of Desire. With this mirror, I would wish that I never had to write this horrid tale, but you should make your desire to rid your life of this so-called enjoyment.
You may also enjoy this classic SDMB thread from 2002. It's a hoot from the first post (Mark Twain). And having re-perused it after lo these many years, I can't help but give you this taste:
On this particular evening, something changed hands quietly in the back of a hobbit-hole in the Shire many miles from the dark realm of Mordor. A small, metallic something. Something which could be accurately described as a circular loop of shining metal.
The land of Middle Earth was almost oblivious to the change of ownership, which was wonderful for the two parties concerned. The trade went unnoticed among the citizens of Rivendell, it escaped the Nazgul completely, and even the dark lord himself continued straight on with his day without noticing. This was a pity for him, because it was exactly the thing he had been searching for all these years.
-- from The Mostly Harmless Ring of Power, by Douglas Adams
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:05 on May 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome. There were some really good responses in this thread, when I get a chance, I'm going to compile all of the samples into a post, because it is really enjoyable to read what could have been!
"The Giver", covered by Ray Bradbury. It's sad that Bradbury died.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:46 on May 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TBH, Shakespeare. Macbeth would be fantastic written as a novel in normal modern English.
Also, writers like Ray Bradbury or George Orwell doing those modern kitschy teenage dystopia like The Hunger Games. I love dystopia as a genre, but not when it's bogged down with two hundred pages of unnecessary love story drama.
Well, he does only write three characters (okay maybe I'm biased, I haven't read any of his newer stuff so maybe he's developed new personalities for his books) so we've got Ron Harry and Hermione covered.
Don't get me wrong, I love the books, but he's just not writing them at any reasonable pace. 21 years for 5 books. At this pace, who knows if we'll even get a finished series from GRRM.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a fair point. Thought you meant the quality.
I think it would make the novel much more stream of conscience-y and I think that would make the narrative stronger (it's a great book, don't get me wrong). Also, I like Johnson's drug-addled style, which would directly relate to Fitzgerald's actual life experience if I'm not mistaken (What with the fame and parties I imagine)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:55:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers Twilight. Or an Anne Rice cover of Twilight. I just want the exact same storyline, but made incredibly dark and gritty. I want Martin gore and grit and scale with all the meaningless drama of Meyer. Bella is totally lost in pretty pale girl melancholia because Edward is ignoring her, meanwhile there's an interspecies war going on in the small town of Forks between the vampires and werewolves. Edward and the rest of his family is ultimately torn to shreds by Werewolves right in front of Bella, at her wedding. She settles for Jacob, who will be some kind of nightmare monster. She gives birth to an unholy monster, but which guy is the father? Edward comes back from the dead for revenge against the werewolves to butcher his way across the pacific northwest, but, more importantly, who's going to take her to prom?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, same idea. I think a lot of the ideas on here are people imagining cross-overs, vs. stylistic retellings of the same plot. McGuire create a bunch of mythology that wasn't (as far as I can tell) alluded to in the source material.
I would be all over those books. Erikson is a champion when it comes to writing fantasy cultures and grand scale plots. We would learn so much more about the world of magic and the other characters in the series.
A wave of nausea rolls over me when I remember I've leant my Armani cotton blouson to Ward Stradlater, a Pencey slob and probably a closet homosexual. He's dating Jane Gallagher, who is in love with me. I order a J&B highball, pop a Valium and pull the red Hermรจs deerstalker I bought that morning low over my eyes. Sunny asks me why I'm barring my teeth. I ignore her. There is an idea of a Holden Caulfield, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory. I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around. And I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, watching them run and fall off, small bodies on the sharp rocks below. And it kills me. It really does.
"But I cannot -- I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done." I told Mr. Darcy confidently. But, I couldn't help but think, what worries me is, what if this guy is really the one for me and I just haven't had enough therapy yet for me to be comfortable with having found him. I mean, I thought you had to go to Iraq to get post traumatic stress disorder. And you do. But you can also just come on over to my house!
I don't have any to contribute, but as someone who likes to write, I've always wanted to rewrite a few stories I love. Sometimes it's a comedy that I feel would be better as a drama/tragedy. Sometimes it's just wanting to add details or fix things I felt weren't done well.
I am really interested to read the replies here, this is a good question.
24h00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey written by Douglas Adams would be really funny, as he's someone really self-conscious, someone who can make fun of the absurdity of the situation he himself is writing.
Alternatively, every single J. R. R. Tolkien book as written by Andrzej Sapkowski.
If anyone here listens to metalcore, there's a band called Ice Nine Kills that made an entire album about popular novels such as Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde, Dracula etc.
This has happened a couple times in history. The first one I can think of is All for Love by John Dryden which is an imitation of Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra. There is also The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, which is a modern adaptation of Hamlet.
A non-shakespeare adaption is Voltaire's Oedipus script.
This has happened a couple times in history. The first one I can think of is All for Love by John Dryden which is an imitation of Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra.
That's pretty hilarious that that's the first thing you can think of, when Shakespeare's play is already an imitation of an earlier story.
i would love to read a philip roth or john irving rewrite of one of fitzgerald's books like tender is the night or the great gatsby, set in the latter half of the 20th century. or a victorian horror like dorian gray or covered by neil gaiman (if his work isn't already near enough)
George R.R. Martin rewriting Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist."
I can't stand "The Alchemist," but I feel like it has so much potential for an enriched story in Martin's style to develop the message that "The Alchemist" portrays.
If he re-wrote the series like he is writing the King-Killer Chronicles (the main character/protagonist is telling the story after it happened in such legendary fashion it's like mythology) I think it would add a fun new twist to the already fantastic series.
Patrick Rothfuss covers Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow.
Bean is still the best at everything he tries. He is still an orphan, mostly. But now there are curse words and an intricate web of interwoven stories and lore required to fight those aliens, possibly found hidden behind locked iPads.
Any Distopian novel re-written by philosophers on different ends of the spectrum, would be neat to see their opinion and how their branch of thinking effects their creative process.
Yes and fuck yes. Actually, I'd also love to have seen what Asimov might have done with cyberpunk themes. Maybe not Neuromancer specifically, but certainly something in that vein, especially with a fusion between his robotics stories and the cyberpunk ideas regarding transhumanism. It's kinda cheating the question a bit by mixing media, but maybe something like "Asimov covers Stand Alone Complex".
Any writer who is good with plot structure, character, and dialogue covering a Greg Egan book.
He builds amazing worlds, but his skills as a writer are increasingly dying off. The setting and concepts are fantastic, but the stories really need some style and power in execution.
My main issue with Twilight (In addition to the questionable characters and unhealthy relationships which remain unhealthy as opposed to evolving in any way shape or form into one I could support, or even overlook) is that she neutered the vampires completely to make them good in the first place. Poppy Z. Brite could really bring the characters alive and make them likeable while simultaneously avoiding a situation where they're completely defanged.
I'd also love to see Chuck Palahniuk take on Pontypool Changes Everything. I absolutely adored the movie and I was excited when I found out there was a book, but it's literally not only one of the worst books I've ever attempted to read, it's shocking that it even inspired the movie in anything but the core concept. Palahniuk knows how to do an experimental novel and still have you gripped, (bar the occasional misfire such as Pygmy), and I think he could do a phenomenal job, because as it is Pontypool is barely readable. I didn't know what Peter Griffin meant when he said that The Godfather insists upon itself until I tried to read that book, it's so self-indulgent and it's convinced that being original or clever precludes it from the need to tell a story that actually makes you want to read it.
I'd love to read a GRRM written Bernard Cornwell's Sharpe story. Or maybe a companion series about the French side. It's still in his wheelhouse but Napoleonic rather than medieval.
taybul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM version of Harry Potter. Half the characters would be dead by the end of the first book. Series would end with only 1 side character alive to rebuild Hogwarts.
All the Harry Potter books, gorily redone and made deeper and more realistically plausible (less kiddy bs, more realistic like Insomnia) by Stephen King
bhd55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Feed by Stephen King. A post-central-nervous-system-integrated social media apocalyptic society originally from the point of view of a teenager, through the lens of one of the most brilliant horror authors of our time.
Come to think of it, I'd be interested to see John cover a whole swathe of books. Basically any book I'd put on this list I could easily advocate for seeing what he'd do with it.
I dunno if I can do just one. I think I would MOST look forward to reading Under The Dome by David Foster Wallace (originally by Stephen King).
The book already lends itself to a DWF treatment at least marginally due to the large amount of characters, but forcing DFW to contain his story to one location (albeit a very large location) would have an interesting effect on his style. In addition I think he would drop the storyline regarding where the dome came from entirely, choosing instead to focus entirely on the character interaction and the decay of this now isolated society.
Not that King doesn't already do that, of course. I just think it would be different. It would have a more sinister feeling but without merit. Like when you're watching a horror movie and you KNOW a jump scare is coming and then they intentionally don't jump scare you. That feeling of ALMOST getting the satisfaction of having your anticipation resolved but never actually getting it.
This is one of those questions that when I read it, it geeks me out so much it just makes me happy. Its so perfect I can't come up with an eloquent enough answer.
kyp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Authors do this a lot! Zadie Smith's On Beauty is a cover of E.M. Forster's Howards End; Kamel Daoud's The Mersault Investigation is a cover of Camus' The Stranger; Maryse Conde's Windward Heights is a cover of Wuthering Heights; Russell Banks' Rule of the Bone is a cover of Huckleberry Finn; Geoff Dyer's book Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi is a cover of Mann's Death in Venice (duh); Carnival by Robert Antoni is a cover of Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises; Coetzee's Foe is a cover of Robinson Crusoe... Not to mention The Hunger Games and Battle Royale, or Ulysses and The Odyssey, or any of a bunch of others with looser ties.
source: syllabus for the class I took on this last semester.
I would love to see a Robin Hobbs "The Assassins Apprentice" and I guess all the following books too covered by George RR Martin. Or vice versa both the worlds are super interesting to me, I think that I would be pretty cool.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft's Goosebumps.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien is already the most coveted novelist ever. There is a whole group/company/whatever of novels by different authors called Forgotten Realms that is almost all Tolkien setting with different characters. Also, a lot of it is a ton of fun, I love me some RA Salvatore.
This is embarrassing to admit, but when I was in middle school, I tried to read the Lord of the Rings but hated the way he wrote so much (please forgive me!) I actually searched to find if anyone rewrote it in a different style.
I now love the series 10+ years later and don't exactly know why I couldn't stand it back then, but I think it's a very interesting topic that should be explored.
Anything in Harry Potter universe written by Michael Crichton.
you'd have a good story, but inevitably a character would get injured/loopy and go on long theoretical rants/tangents about the deeper science (magic?) of what our characters are experiencing
This situation sort-of happens in the real world! Authors sometimes write tributes to prior authors that are set in the prior author's world. See, for example: Songs of the Dying Earth, a collection of short stories by various authors (edited by none other than George R.R. Martin), written in the style of Jack Vance's famous "The Dying Earth." Each story feels a little bit like Vance and a little bit like the actual author -- it's pretty cool.
I wonder if there are people who "remix" movies and books like they do with music.
I have seen people make "mock movie trailers" to change the tone and topic of a movie. I would imagine a more creative person than me could do the whole thing and come up with something really interesting that made you look at the original different too.
EDIT: Just remembered that "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist" parody movie from a few years ago. Like that but more seriously done, not a total jokeโฆ
ulmxn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Witching Hour by Anne Rice. If there ever was a series I'd want a re-write of, it'd be the Lasher series. I love Anne Rice, but her descriptions of mid-eighties New Orleans just go on for way too long.
Dan Brown presents: a Stephen King tale, The Dark Tower
(I got too excited and didn't read the "would you be most excited to read" part. But fuck it, I'll leave this up. I'd read it anyway. Angry and insulted is a kind of excited, right?)
I would like to see "Out of the Silent Planet" by Robert Chambers. Or any of the books in that trilogy. They're interesting but they err on the preachy side, and I'd rather be preached at about something resembling cosmic horror than a "loving" entity.
Carl Hiassen covering "Breathing Underwater" by Alex Flinn. The book is basically teenage drama, except there is a really great storyline and plot to it. I'm pretty picky to books, but I'm pretty sure Hiassen would do a great job covering it.
I kind of want to see Larry Niven's take on the Foundation series, but the lack of opportunities for alien/human sexual relations would probably drive him crazy.
This is actually a thing with translations. There are your unknown translations which are ok. Then there are translations of specialists or famous authors. A very good example is the translations of every Lovecraft short story by Julio Cortazar.
Lord of the Rings by Max Brooks (author of World War Z)
You could have so many cool interview-style accounts from people not directly associated with the Fellowship, but still part of the events of the books. How cool would it be to hear a first-hand account from a surviving Uruk-Hai about the battle of Helm's Deep, or a soldier of Gondor about his experience during the siege of Minas Tirith?
Do comic books count? Because this already happened to The Walking Dead.
It's an online issue by Bran K. Vaughan, showing whatever happened to Rick's brother when the apocalypse started. The setting is Barcelona and the art is gorgeous.
A Song of Ice and Fire by literally anyone at this point. James Joyce's animated corpse. An actual room full of monkeys and typewriters. "Blinter is coming."
There was a set of teen novels when I was a kid called the Incarnations of Immortality by Piers Anthony. Book one was about a guy who kills the grim reaper and is forced to take over the job.
I always wondered what someone like Anne Rice would have done with that story.
tjsr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahls "The cat in the Hat".
Paul Jennings "There and back again".
Lewis Wolpert's "Gullivers Travels".
John Marsdens "Twilight". ... wait...
A Brief Account Of World History by Douglas Adams (i dunno if any such book exists but i would give anything to read world history in Adams' hilarious style)
A Jane Austen version of Twilight might actually be worth reading.
A Shakespeare cover of The Canterbury Tales would be infinitely easier to understand, and would likely have become the definitive edition.
But more than anything, I would just really, really like to have a bunch of classic Dungeons & Dragons adventure modules rewritten by Robert E. Howard.
Green Eggs and Ham. I feel like more breakfast dishes have the potential to be different colors. Like croissants of lime dough...Sorry it doesn't rhyme though.
Bocab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't decide if I'd like to read Hemingway do Salinger or Salinger do Hemingway.
Morjor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really want to see a compare and contrast of War of the Worlds by HG Wells, and then Jules Verne, George Orwell, Orson Scott Card,and Scott Westerfield. They all have such varied but fantastic writing styles, and they would vary so fundamentally. I feel like OSC and Westerfield would focus in on a small group of survivors, whereas Verne would focus on the world events in response to this, and Orwell would have a deeply disturbing tale of the social impacts of the terror resulting as people turn on one another.
I've always thought about this, but in a specific way. Redo the entire first Harry Potter book, but each chapter written in a different author's style. One like Tom Clancy, one like Dr. Seuss. If you already know the story you'll easily be able to follow along, and no doubt it'd be hilarious.
It'd take someone very well read and who had a lot of skill to pull something like this off but I know I'd love it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see either Kubrick or Salinger's take on American Psycho. Kubrick because I think he could really build up a character like Bateman, and Salinger because he can really present inner dialogue.
I'd like to read Cormac McCarthy going through the Solomon Kane tales. There's a lot of good in there, but there's a lot of needed improvements.
I wouldn't mind seeing Neil Gaiman rewriting H.P. Lovecraft's work. I think he could do it justice while making it more pleasant to read. As much as I love reading Lovecraft, if I'm not in exactly the right mood it feels like work.
Since everyone else took all the god pairings, Palaniuk writing the graphic violence of kids fighting kids from any of the Ender series books would be disturbingly phenomenal.
David Foster Wallace writes American Psycho. We learn about every traumatic incident from Patrick Bateman's childhood, minor characters get 100 pages dedicated to them, the violence is described in excruciating detail in the 200 pages of footnotes.
I want to see Harper's send David Foster Wallace to cover the opening of Jurassic Park in his essay style, a la the cruise they sent him of as a thank-you for covering the state fair.
They actually do 'cover' books like cover artists cover songs!
H. Beam Piper wrote "Little Fuzzy" in 1962. It was good, but it did not age well, at all.
John Scalzi did a re-write of it, called "Fuzzy Nation" in 2011. Sci-fi legal drama. The combo sounds weird, I know, but it's actually really good! Worth your time to check out :)
I don't know if I'd be more interested to read certain authors' "covers" of work within their own genre that they're familiar with, or on something entirely new/ different. I'd love to see something like Neil Gaiman do a classic fantasy tale like Lord of the Rings. Or a Terry Pratchett take on some old-school hard sci-fi like Ray Bradbury or especially Arthur C Clarke's 2001/the sentinel quadrology, and give it his own awesome style.
Roots, as written by Kurt Vonnegut, which ends with Kunta Kinte getting abducted and then raped by an alien race that like a giant whip.
Alternatively, Slaughterhouse 5 as written by Alex Haley, which ends with us coming to modern times and finding out Billy Pilgrim was lying about everything.
I would like to see A Song of Ice and Fire with a little bit of the writing style of Ken Follett's "The Pillars of the Earth". They are both similar writers but with completely opposite story lines it seems.
Plot twist: Christian Grey is a member of a perverse and twisted cult. He seeks submissive females to sacrifice to his dark lord. Ana Steele dies in the first movie and I would never have to sit through "50 Shades Darker" and eventually "50 Shades Freed" with my girlfriend. These are perhaps the most boring pornos I've ever watched. Almost completely flaccid the whole time
50 Shades of Grey as told by Hunter S. Thompson...
14132 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay hear me out: Terry Pratchett's Nerve.
I mean, I'm not sure how he would do the first part of the book but I bet it would involve at least 66% less fanservice and tie into the second half much, much better. Second half would probably have slightly less "my word everyone has a gun pointed at me" and more "all right let's shut this thing down" like the movie did. Also those responsible would be duly punished.
By the way on a sidenote kudos to the movie for also having at least 66% less fanservice content.
iethun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see literally anyone other than Atwood cover
"The Handmaids Tale." It's a great story but it reads like a pamphlet. Maybe Jodi Picoult or another great story teller.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Twain or Hemingway. That way it wouldn't drag on as fucking long.
I've always thought it'd be cool to read a version of the "Dork Diaries" series in which Nikki and McKenzie we really just to sides of the same person รก la Fight Club.
Honestly? Twilight by George R.R. Martin. I really liked alot of the side characters and the whole vampire war in the south sounded pretty brutal. Instead of whinging about how perfect edward was a new take on what had a good base might be fun.
I want to read high fantasy written by Stephen King. Like Thrones. Or Stormlight archives. Ooor I want to read Stephen King rewritten by Erik Carl or Shel Silverstein.
It concerns, among other things, how even a line-by-line "recreation" of a novel by a different author, if done at a different period in history, carries with it entirely additional and different implications than the original work --which, on one level, it exactly replicates.
Zaenok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone's cover of The Catcher in the Rye. It's my favorite book.
Redwall, aka Children's ASOIAF, rewritten by GRRM. Really, all you need to do is add sex, it's pretty much all the same but with furries. Just the first two books so we actually see it finished. Maybe update the animated series as Netlix.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and the Great Glass Elevator would have to be covered by two authors; Upton Sinclair for the first and Robert Hanlein in the second. The second book does have some heavy MASH cues though, maybe some Forever War vibes.
My Side of the Mountain by Thoreau, with further exploration of the concept of the boy as mankind and Frightful the hawk as nature. I mean, it's already Walden Jr, why not go the distance?
George RR Martin doing Harry Potter as a series. There's a bunch of random things I want more lore on in the HP universe that would be really cool to see someone like George do, since reading Song of Ice and fire and seeing everything have in depth backstory is awesome!
I'd love to have famous series writers shuffle their series. Like The Dark Tower by JK Rowling, Harry Potter by George RR Martin, Game of Thrones by Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide by Steven King... just to name a few off the top of my head.
I suppose fan fiction would be the closest thing to this, in which case I'd point to this Ready Player One fan fic written by the author of The Martian, Andy Weir.
I would like to see Douglass Adams cover Cloud Atlas
The kicker have to be that Arthur keeps showing up to these random jumps in time and place and vaguely recognizing someone and trying to spark up a conversation or choose where to finally settle down. Just randomly in starpsed.
Pooh jarringly remembers that he is a human whose mind has been projected into a teddy bear to escape the unendurable reality of being an interplanetary colonist.
Well, there has already been a lot of 'retelling' of popular classics. There are a lot of movies based on Shakespearian novels. It would be interesting to read the same novel seen in different perspective. I would definitely be excited to read :)
Jack Kerouac's version of The Lord of The Rings. Walking across middle earth, eating wild thistleberries, drinking at the Prancing Pony, and following the aura of "Samwise the Brave"
Ernest Hemingway covering the 50 Shades series. I haven't actually read anything beyond quotes from 50 Shades books, but I have no doubt that the Hemingway version would be more interesting, more well-written, and much more morally ambiguous.
Any decent fantasy book by Joe Abercrombie. The dude can write the most gritty scenes, great with dialogue and characters but the overall plot in his books are just ok. I'd love to see grrm and him team up.
Alternatively from niche topical humour from a game. Drew Wagar doing Harry Potter.
Players of Elite might get a chuckle because in a game event for a book in Elite Dangerous saw a VIP proclaiming she had galaxy altering events to break the political systems in place, and was planning a return from outside inhabited space to the core systems to spread the information. A player by the name of CMDR Harry Potter, the troll of trolls, was on her guard fleet.
He proceeded to kill her.
So Harry isn't a half starved abused boy in a school of magic, but a bitter and slightly psychotic space ship pilot with a penchant for subterfuge and murder.
ozzric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Albert Camus
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling's Twilight
Imagine how much better a character Bella would be with Hermione's writer, and how much better an example of relationship health she could spin to that.
Legolas dies in Fellowship.
We learn Sauron is really not that bad once you read things through his POV.
Tyrion replaces Gimli.
Frodo and Sam are more than just friends.
Ever thought your favorite wizarding series was too childish growing up? Well now, you get to watch every character you loved and held dear die untimely deaths to Death Eaters and Dementors!
The farms stood silently in the valley, factories of death and despair. Their presence cast a cold grey shadow over the region, even though the sun shone high in the noon sky. They had always been there, from before the time of his father. Fox looked out over the expanse of space and focused on the buildings in the distance, observing intently from his cubby hole. Fox was agitated, but he did a good job of hiding it, the internal conflict happening far behind his hazel brown eyes. "We can't live like this anymore", he said icily. Mrs. Fox looked on in silence - she knew her husband well enough not to interrupt him. "I'll be back before dawn; if you don't see me then open the bottom drawer in the dresser - you'll know what to do."
Fox left the cubby hole. 20 minutes later 3 shots pierced the silence of the valley, sending birds squawking.
It had begun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King, doing the hunger games.
Forget the little romancy parts, it'll all be about an underlying plot, and the real threat of survival. Katniss singing to Prim? Wouldn't want to be making noise out in the open.
Dostoevsky and a Song of Ice and Fire.
You thought that it was sad before. Now all your favorite characters will lead lives of crushing depression and alcoholism.
swarf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick covers the short stories of Edgar Allan Poe.
The lover of female-written literature in me would love to see someone older, like Charlotte Perkins Gilman, take on more modern pieces, like "The Bell Jar" or "The Handmaid's Tale".
Aldous Huxley or George Orwell covering the Hunger Games series.
I love the series because of the narrative, characters, and other mechanics, but imagine if all those books were written by a preternaturally gifted author. I'd love other people's ideas of who might write the best Hunger Games, I mostly just fished a couple great dystopian authors out of my brain.
GRRM covers Harry Potter. I would be interested in a Game of Thrones esque version of Harry Potter. I think all the ingredients are already there - different houses and strong loyalties. Corruption. Faith. Friendship. Hate, and how the power of love can affect people in different ways (Snape, Voldemort, Harry, Dumbledore etc)
George R R Martin writing a cover for Harry Potter, where Ron is secretly fucking his sister and harry is Voldemort's bastard. Dumbledore and Snape are gay partners and Hermoine uses sex to conjure dark magic.
At the Mountains of Madness by Mark Z. Danielewski.
Or Rats in the Walls, or The Ancient City. Anything from Lovecraft's people-going-down-long-stairways mythos.
Jacqueline Carey's version of just about any book by Terry Pratchett or Brian Jaques. Or vice versa.
(If you haven't yet, read Banewreaker and Godslayer)
Nothing changes except the alien woman has more sex and there's four of them and the man has 20 minute s to pick the right one before the ship crashes into the sun except there never was a sun it was hope all along. Also the space ships are gold and everything has steam vents and something about cheese.
Jay Asher worked at the public library in the town I'm originally from. I went to the same public high school as is described in 13 reasons why. It was fine.
For anyone interested Steven Brust has already covered both of Dumas' Three Musketeers and 20 Years Later, as fantasy novels. They're called The Phoenix Guard and 500 Years After. Fucking amazing books, and then continues it with a trilogy with inspirations from many of Dumas other books.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not creative enough to think of one, but this is such a cool thread
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellies does Winnie the Pooh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Erikson (Malazan Book of the Fallen) covering Harry Potter. The first book would be 700 pages long, taking place halfway through Voldemort's second reign of terror, featuring a massive cast of characters, both inside and outside Hogwarts, with completely different but overlapping stories that you need a notepad to keep track of. Then the second book takes place at the same time as the first, only featuring an almost entirely new set of characters with the same level of story complexity. Then the third book takes place after the first two, again with a ton of new characters and a ton of convolutedness. And all of a sudden, the fourth book is set during Grindelwald's reign of terror, and the book is yet again full of characters and places you've never heard of. And so on and so forth.
Also, magic stems from separate tangible planes of existence, with each magical race having their own magical planes, so you have a whole bunch of that to keep track of on top of everything else.
George RR Martin's cover of Dune. I actually think the fuedal warring families, religion development, and messiah arcs are similar for Dune and ASOIAF. I'd even settle for him writing his own story in the Dune universe.
Harry Potter by Albert Camus. For two books that explore mortality, meaning, and love from opposite directions I'd love to see how the series would change with Camus' court absurdist style.
bunsNT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway doing ASoIaF. Ya know, for brevity. Also would be super interesting
This is so hard to give a good answer to because every novel translated into my native English is essentially a 'cover.' Because the obvious answer is Proust.
So, an English worded novel I'd love to see covered would be 'To the Lighthouse' by Woolf or 'The Ground Beneath Her Feet' by Rushdie.
H. P. Lovecrafts Lord of the Rings. Where the Dark Lord is actually a elder god, Frodo is doomed to constant madness upon a single use of the Ring. Sam is the protaganist. Gandalf is driven insane by his fight with the Balrog, and comes back as a minor Great One. Aragon is a king of a dead kingdom, as well as a antihero. Legolas is a racist prick.
Just tons of footnotes categorizing the different spells and their uses. The origins of various wizarding laws. The fine drugs the weaselys' purchase and the misuse of magic to enhance sex.
I'd like to see what a more talented writer could do with Twilight, to be honest. The prose is garbage in that series, but the overall story isn't too bad.
I'd like an updated Scarlet Letter. Maybe by... you know Hawthorne is still the only person I can see writing it, I just want a modern Hawthorne. Maybe Stephen King? But then the moral core might be less emphasized. If Paul Thomas Anderson wrote novels, I'd love to see his take on it. Megan Abbott maybe?
I very much doubt anyone will know both of these authors but I always thought if Steven Erikson had written Gene Wolfe's "Book of the New Sun" series it would be possibly the best thing to exist. Ever.
The god tier short story compact writing style of Erikson in the Book of the New Sun universe would just drop me into a chair for days on end. I'd be a child in a candy shop except the candy is super neato bandito world building and literary technique.
Hemingway covering Twilight. Or does it have to be a new author covering an old work? If that is the case, Rick Riordan covering Midsummer Night's Dream or The Tempest.
OOOOH a Stephen king "HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE" would be frikken amazing, turn up the creep factor to 11 and make Harrys father a writer
Just wanting to know if maybe Chuck Pahliniuk lost his touch? I read "Beautiful You"and wasn't blown away... But could Invisible Monsters be covered? Or Choke?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens. See Little Fuzzy/Fuzzy Nation by Piper and Scalzi respectively.
Brandon Sanderson's A Song of Ice and Fire. The first series would be done, the second series half done, with a bunch of anthologies. At zero loss of quality.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by gibert godfried. Yes i know he only did part of it but i would love the hear the whole thing. If hes not available then morgan freeman would be the next choice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want Hemingway to rewrite song of ice and fire so I can read all the books in a week or two instead of several months to a year
pkayl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there are already great 'covers' out there like a new hope in shakespeare and pride and prejudice and zombies if you feel like exploring some quirky 'classics'
The best thing I can think of is Harlan Ellison's screenplay of Asimov's I, Robot. Yes, you heard that right. The anti-computer writer, famous for a story where an AI tortures the last 5 humans for all eternity, wrote an adaptation of Asimov's groundbreaking work that shows that Robots don't necessarily need to be evil.
It's honestly an amazing adaptation though, and deserves a read if you are an Asimov fan.
Fuzzy Nation by John Scalzi is a book "cover". The original is "Little Fuzzy" by H. Beam Piper. Interesting and fun Scifi. Try the audio version read by Wil Wheaton, so great!
This actually happens in real life with some postmodern authors. For example, Joyce Carol Oates "covered" The Turn of the Screw by Henry James in her short story "The Cursed Inhabitants of the House of Bly".
Some of the best covers take very little liberty with the original work so I don't think any rewrite would be all that different. Unless you take an author from a different generation which had a slightly different vernacular.
I know this will get buried, but that will save the world from my nerdiness. I would love an R.A. Salvatore cover of any piece of The Lord of the Rings series (The Hobbit included)
The original goosebumps series by Stephen King. Or perhaps J.K. Rowling as stories from the wizard world as seen from the eyes of moogles who accidentally stumbled upon monsters or objects from the wizard world.
Edit: This could actually almost be a fan theory.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some kind of do... like Gregory maguire retelling the wizard of Oz, cinderella, etc.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Akira Toriyama. It's just a Caterpillar who gets stronger as he eats and must fight for the food so he can continually get stronger so he can eat even more food. Then again I guess I could just go play Slither.io .
I would like to see Cormac McCarthy tell the tales of the Berenstain Bears.
Sister Bear's botched abortion at 13 that leaves her blind after a battle with sepsis. Mama Bear gets kidnapped by a Mexican drug dealer in a case of mistaken identity and is slowly tortured to death strapped to a rock in the desert in Mexico. Papa Bear runs out of gas while driving around searching for Mama Bear and dies of exposure in the desert. His body is eaten by coyotes. Brother Bear, playing unsupervised and home alone, locks himself in an abandoned refrigerator out of boredom.
Blinded Sister Bear goes out looking for him after not hearing anything about him for a few hours. She passes the refrigerator but does not know he is inside because he has fallen unconscious by that point. Finally, a police officer arrives to inform the family of Papa Bear's death. Seeing the young girl alone, the police officer rapes her. He shoots her in the head and then decides to stuff her in an old refrigerator. Finding Brother Bear's still warm corpse, he decides to stuff Sister Bear in the fridge also and then he drags the fridge with a chain attached to his truck a few miles up the road into a deep dry wash.
A breeze picks up and the police officer smells rain approaching. A lightning flash lights up the darkening desert for a moment. The first few large raindrops of the approaching storm pat the loose dust of the desert road as the police officer puts the chain back in the bed of his truck and drives off into the enclosing dark.
During the "eat" part of Italy we're met with GRRM culinary descriptions
Every morning she broke her fast in the same way: Two cappucinos, fluffy raspberry bombolini, bathed in butter and dusted with sugar. The raspberry was dripping down her chin.
I dare not go his narrative of sex in the Love part or Elizabeth's large brown nipples, but I'm sure the Prey part is filled with prophetic visions and a bit of rape.
Reevos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride prejudice and zombies... Oh wait that already is a cover of a book
Not a novel, but I really want Isaac Asimov to retold the screenplay of the entire series of Doctor Who
VSloan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joan Didion's Twilight.
"We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or worse, ourselves. ...Edward, though. Edward was an immortal cunt."
A cover of A Song of Ice and Fire where the author actually finishes the story
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covering The Great Gatsby, since he has openly said he used to 'type that book out over and over again' just to get a feel for the way it was written, because he loved it so much.
Or Bill Burroughs covering War of the Worlds or 1984.
This has happened! It's one of my favourites too, The stars' tennis balls by Stephen Fry is a modern retelling/cover of The count of Monte cristo. A nice and brutal revenge story that I heartily recommend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I absolutely love Dune, and I love how in-depth GoT gets. So the first Dune book would probably be 2-4 books long but you would see so much more of House Harkonnen and House Korrino, the Tleilaxu, The Bene Gesseret, etc.
I'd like Steven King to cover Cujo only this time he remembers writing it because he's sober. He actually doesn't remember writing it due to all of the drugs.
So I'd like sober Steven King to cover alcoholic cocaine fiend Steven King.
Can it be applied to comics? Japanese comics? Let's assume so.
Kentaro Miura (Berserk) gets to write Pokemon and Naruto and actually finishing them. Straight up making Pokemon the darkest and Naruto more realistic. Hirohiko Araki (JoJo) being another candidate.
iTT: pretty innocent and neutral stories and make them dark and actually fun.
The complete works of Charles Dickens by Timothy Zahn. I'm sure you could do better than Zahn, but he'd write the politics and the characters and the world all much better than Friggin Diggens.
Except maybe a Christmas Carol, The Muppets can have that one.
I really feel like I missed the point of the original, I was so preoccupied with thinking of how it could be better written. If I was to stake a stab at who could cover it, I'd say King. It needs to be more intense, play up the fanaticism, play up the body horror.
Harry Potter by Stephen King.
BOI that would probs be off the shelves before I could get but whatever IT WOULD STILL BE AMAZING. Just imagine the descriptions of the dementors.
Ok jokes aside: Clive Barker covers classic fairy tales. (I tried to do Little Red Riding Hood in the style of Clive Barker once, it sucks XD But the idea was cool...)
Audrin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderon rewriting from book 4 or so on of the Wheel of Time. It started great, Sanderson ended it great, the only reason I got through the middle was I was a teen and didn't know I could stop reading things when they got bad
frankly this is very much what watching plays is like. Most people very involved in theater have read the major cannon of plays and every single time you watch a play you've read it's like seeing how someone else interprets your favorite book or your least favorite book. This is particularly the case with older plays (shakespeare) or plays everyone and their mother has seen (Waiting for Godot, also shakespeare, Arthur Miller) to where sometimes watching Romeo and Juliet can feel like watching M.Night Shymalan's rewrite of it into a Overdramatic thriller or Damien Chazelle's Rom Com modern retake of Romeo and Juliet. It's honestly really great.
Ezaric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss writes "A song of Wind and Stone". The story of John Snow as he runs around westeros acting a fool, getting in debt with the Iron bank of Braavos, and learning to be a sexual demigod from the Children of the forest.
sdlite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time series, covered by Pat Rothfuss.
id love to see a more adult harry potter series. id say george rr martin, but then all my favorite characters would be dead. neil gaiman woule be fun. robert jordan would be good too. id be interested to see what alan moore would do to change it. id also love to see the lightning thief "covered" because as much as i love the book, its written for a pretty young age.
Andy Weir doing a cover of Harry Potter. Well written and easy to understand science behind magic.
tour79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King to finish what GRR Martin started. I don't think he's the best, but he pushes out work like few other authors. At least I could finish in books what I started, instead of finishing on HBO like I am now.
"Piscine swallowed handfuls of salt water, and what's that? Richard Parker seems to be having a go at his Richard. Piscine stares down at his own crotch, realizes he has an erection, reminding him of the time back in Pondicherry when his dog used to lick its asshole after it ate dinner, wondering whether or not there's something to the toots of gas slipping out of its pinkish eyeball, and continues to watch the tiger's autofellatio session."
Douglas Adams covers The Last Question by Isaac Asimov.
"The two men sat, playing checkers and drinking, much to the disapproval of their respective spouses and children. That is, the ones who still had their spouses and children. Many had been lost in a weaponized use of Vogon poetry against Earth 24.5 c, edition 3, where they were forced to migrate after the heat death of their past 25.5 universes.
What happened to the one missing universe, the one vacant between "24.5", and "25.5"? We don't know. Once again, it was likely the result of the previous attempt to weaponize Vogon poetry.
The two men were tasked with guarding an advanced supercomputer, one the on-board scientists were all too happy to use. Likely for the purpose of viewing Betelguesian reproduction, which had proven all too popular in the galaxy net. How'd they convinced the world government to fund what came out to be a giant spank bank machine for their think tank? The world will never know.
Now back to the two men, casting off their problems with inebriation and board games, like a certain species of lizard discards clothing.
"Hey? You know that big machine we're supposed to be guarding?"
hic
"Yeah. Apparently you can talk to it and stuff, we should try it."
Out of the blue, what arose is as likely as the possibility as a seizure-driven monkey on a keyboard bashing out Beethoven's Third Symphony, but backwards, recomposed into a popular song in 21st century humor known as "All Star", by a famed electro-blues-funk duo known by the name of "Smash Mouth".
One of the men asked "Is there a way to outlive the universe, and bring it back to existence?"
I could tell you the answer, dear reader, but if I were to do so then this story wouldn't be this much fun.
This is basically how writing worked for thousands of years. A lot of author's covered older stories, mixing it with their own style, because copyrights didn't exist. A good chunk of Chaucer's Canterbury tales is just him retelling much older stories in his own style. A huge amount of Gower's Confessio Amantis is basically just Ovid's Metamorphoses. They even both covered a few of the same stories in their works, in very different styles. Authorship was very much about covering the classics and adding a new spin to it to make it interesting for modern readers.
That's pretty easy for me. It's not like a totally over-the-top idea like Lord of the Flies feat. Roald Dahl, but I would fucking love to see LotR "covered" by a great modern fantasy writer like Brandon Sanderson. Pat Rothfuss could maybe pull it off, but he kind of specializes in first person character writing. GRRM would turn it into this super dense political fantasy drama, and that would put a lot of people off. Sanderson is the only guy I can think of off the top of my head who could potentially elevate LotR and turn it into something brand new and super fucking rad.
Spadie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the Mountains of Madness by Lovecraft done by... too many horror writers to count.
I'd like to see Cormac McCarthy cover some fantasy. LOTR seems a little cliche, but would do. His Dark Materials would be pretty cool. I really just want to see him sink his teeth into something far removed from the gritty reality he usually portrays.
The Hellbound Heart as written by Chuck Palahniuk seems like it would be pretty goddamn amazing in my head.
Everybody Poops by James Joyce.
The Road by Shel Silverstein.
The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Mark Twain.
Slaughterhouse-Five by Dr. Seuss
50 Shades of Grey, Marquis de Sade.
Shakespeare covered works all the time. Ben Jonson woulda sued the shit outta ol' Willy S. in these times.
Squenv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick, by Christopher Moore. 100% more swearing and screwy characters, 100% less stupid tangents about whale fat and the color white. Also, the whale may be either a whale-ship from the Goo, or it may be replaced with a strange fantasy creature like Catch the asshole demon or Steve the lust lizard.
"Hello. I'm. . . actually, fuck it. I'm not going to be called by my actual name, I hate my real name. How about Ishmael? That works, right?"
"The whale slipped its flukes above the surface of the sea, and waved at our ship so we could read the words written on it: "HA HA".
"Wow," I said to the Captain; his face was the same shade of red as my sunburned ass. "No wonder you hate that whale. That whale's kind of an asshole."
For the past couple of decades is been in vogue in Science Fiction and Fantasy, for example. You can find books of fan-fiction by popular authors as anthologies and short-story collections.
They already do though, granted not quite the way you'd think. Authors take old stories and things in the public domain and re-write them to their own idea all the time, though it usually only happens to super iconic pieces of fiction, but won't happen to anything new for awhile because of copyright laws.
My two favorite novels are basically this already: Infinite Jest is David Foster Wallace covering Hamlet, while Ulysses is Joyce's mashup of Venus in Furs and Little Women.
The Scarlet Letter by really any author. I loved the story and the actual characters. However, I absolutely despise Hawthorne's writing. The core ideas are brilliant; he just could not put pen to paper well.
Night Angel Trilogy by George R. R. Martin. The writing feels similar to me but George would do a better job of not writing with his penis, if he wrote it at all.
With the exception of A Midsummer Night's Dream, Love's Labour's Lost and The Tempest, which are wholly original stories, Shakespeare borrowed his plots, down to fine detail.
Kafka's Trilogy by John Updike.
John the Baptist foreshadowed Christ,
John Updike introduces Kafka
I'm KB Updike Jr,
Kafka's the Castle, the Trial, Amerika
are all unfinished and star K, B is the second part
my free online novel Eschillion Key is Kafkaesque because surreal,
my French Louka step family own partial estate of a Castle in France,
I endured a Trial in Amerika for drunk driving.
I'm not nearly well-read enough to give a good answer to this question, but I just want to say thank you for opening up this discussion! It has made me aware of many different authors and novels that I wasn't acquainted with before. I'm feeling better and better about getting back into reading again after so long.
I would like to see people try to cover Lord of the rings. A lot of people have problems with how descriptive the novels are. I wonder how the entire experience could come across differently if someone else wrote it
David Foster Wallace with a modernized cover of Dostoevskyโ's Crime and Punishment. They're sort of similar writers so I feel like it would work well, but also dissimilar enough to make it interesting.
I'd like to read a Hunter S. Thompson gonzo version of Lord of the Rings, told first-person by Gandalf in the style of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
We were somewhere Just outside Rivendell on the edge of the Trollshaws when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like โI feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you take the reins" and suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like Crebain, all swooping and screeching and diving around Bill, our pony, which was going about a mile an hour to Mordor. And a voice was screaming: โBy Elbereth! What are these goddamn animals?โ Then it was quiet again. Boromir had taken his shirt off and was smearing Athelas on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process. โWhat the hell are you yelling about wizard?โ he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed . โNever mind,โ I said and aimed the pony off the trail. No >point mentioning those crebain, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by Bret Easton Ellis
squags ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Bukowski - War and Peace:
โYes, love, ...but not the love that all those arseholes give, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying in my own shit, I saw my enemy and loved him for seeing me as the prick I've always been and not giving a fuck to me or anyone else either way. I knew that feeling of love which is the essence of the soul, that you can only know after the third $20 bottle of rye whiskey alone in the dark above the typewriter with smoke and tears in your eyes - after the bitch has left and taken the dog too.
And I know that blissful feeling now too. To love one's work; to love the coward's march towards death ('cause that's what we all are who stay in our rooms and can't pull the trigger); to love the peaceful isolation away from the Cindy's and the Betty's of the world who only want me for my poems. But never to love the cocksuckers, bitching about their sweethearts who wouldn't stick around for a slick combover on top of a cheap idiot with no talents except shitting from both ends.
To love everything, for what it is - nothing. Some bitch hanging onto your cock can be loved with human love; but an enemy can only be loved once you realise that the only difference between you and him is the distance from mouth to arsehole. And that's what all the world is anyway - mouths and arseholes; eating and shitting."
Jim Butcher does Harry Potter. I'd love for the magic to suddenly stop being plot-convenient, and have to follow actual rules. I'd love to watch events unfold in halfway-logical ways, rather than whatever moves Harry to the next plot point. I'd love to watch villains have even the barest minimum of real humanity, and real motivation. I'd love to watch the world handled by someone who actually understands how to build a world.
I'd love to see more serious interpretations of some of the recent young adult novels like Divergent. I couldn't stand how some of these series handle the premise.
Philip K. Dick's - The Martian
It would basically be the same story till a 3rd of the way though when Mark Watney does acid and discovers some kind of vast conspiracy.
I don't know if you've heard about this, but if you like Shakespeare, then keep an eye out for Hogarth Shakespeare books. Basically, this foundation pays great authors to modernize/rewrite Shakespeare plays. Margaret Atwood redid Macbeth as "Hag-Seed", and it's FANTASTIC.
Personally I'd have Jim Butcher and Patrick Rothfuss swap their main series, Dresden Files for Kingkiller chronicles. Because they are my two favorite authors and stand and have completely opposite strengths and weaknesses.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably too late but I've already been thinking about this the past few weeks. I've been reading the Dune novels again (Frank Herbert originals only) and a couple of things have struck me.
First, that George RR Martin seems to have been heavily inspired by the series and perhaps by the later books in particular. The house system and the devious manoeuvring for control; the constant movement between POVs and remote locations; the sense of connectedness between seemingly disparate events, even if in indirect and unpredictable ways; the fondness for including 'special children' who are seemingly destined to play a vital role in the future of the world; I could go on, but these are some of the most notable. Clearly GRRM borrowed some elements of Herbert's work.
Second, and I fully expect some strong and even heated disagreement with this if anyone sees this comment, I think GRRM in many ways improved upon Herbert's work, as well as being inspired by it. I think his world-building is almost incomparably deeper, richer, and more fully fleshed out. I think that the plotting is much more carefully constructed, and thus narratively the ASOIAF books are more exciting and consistent; there is foreshadowing, referencing, and twists and turns of the kind that just aren't possible with a more conventionally plotted series like Dune. Perhaps most notably, the world of the Dune novels is absolutely teeming with hero armour, to the extent that, at least until the climax of any one novel, you can be absolutely sure that certain characters are safe, and each obstacle is merely an opportunity for Herbert to show off their amazing powers and/or abilities. The first book is by far the worst for this, but it seems to recur throughout the series. As everyone who has read his books or seen the HBO show knows, GRRM has absolutely mastered this. At no point is anyone safe, to the extent that every single potentially dangerous scenario is fraught with genuine tension.
I also think the quality of dialogue is significantly better and more natural in ASOIAF.
There are undoubtedly things that Herbert is much better than Martin at; his prose is often beautiful where Martin's is usually pretty unremarkable, if not a little clumsy; if only as a product of the era Herbert's writing tends to have somewhat more of a literary quality in many respects. Herbert's work sometimes displays a philosophical depth that Martin doesn't really attempt. The enormous sense of temporal scale throughout the Dune novels is something that obviously ASOAIF does not provide.
The basic idea of the Dune series is one of my favourites in all of fiction, so I would be incredibly interested to see GRRM's take on it. Either covering the original Dune novels or setting his own series of stories in the universe would be incredibly interesting to me and perhaps the formula for a perfect sci-fi series.
Read a trilogy like that once, I think it was called The Magicians. Ripped off major book series that everyone loves. Fucking hated it. Why cover a novel? All you will be doing is re releasing the same book with a few minor details changed. Waste of good reading time.
Treasure Island. The writer Justin Scott was experiencing writr's block, so he decided to do a 'cover' of TI, set in the 1950s, as a writing exercise. The result turned out well enough for his publisher to publish it.
For old SF fans, Iain M Banks's Lensman series or possibly 2001.
Philip Pullman covering something by Philip K. Dick.
Most of Dick's books have a phenomenal premise that's let down by terrible writing; Pullman does a great job of creating worlds that are both like/unlike ours at the same time.
Khazok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mistborn as written by Patrick Rothfuss.
Actually prolly anything written by Rothfuss, that man's writing is fantastic.
Batman by J.K Rowling. I'd love to see Rowling do her own Batman trilogy or series of novels. I feel she'd really love playing in that world and we'd get some great stories out of it.
Orson Scott Card's "The Hunger Games". The hunger games already has a set up similar to (if kind of inverted from) Ender's game, but if OSC wrote it I think we'd get to see way more of the political intrigue.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolita by woody allen
D-A_W ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
14 pages of description of the Lorax valley starting in the cambrian period, and then the story begins by introducing the Lorax's grandfather for 10 pages before killing him in the first chapter. 300 pages in we meet the onceler.
The Bible by Rick Riordan. Rick Riordan does a good job taking pagan mythologies, namely Greek, Egyptian, and Norse, then applying their stories to the real world, in a way that makes sense.
For me, that's kinda what they already do with retellings :')
I think my fav existing one is "The song of Achilles" by Madeline Miller
A non existing one I'd love to see would be Dune by Dr Seuss!
I'm still pissed one of my friends borrowed that book and all of the (maybe three that read like we do) swear they didn't borrow it. But i concur with this. House of leaves by either or both of them would be amazing to read.
I've always been socially awkward. So I decided being a serial killer fit my persona real good. No to boast but I've been doing a pretty good job killing people for fun.
XVOS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the not so distant future this question could become reality. Right now there exists a deep learning (AI) technique known as 'style transfer'. Simply put, a statistical model is trained to learn how to apply style/structure from a set of data to another.
For example, the model could apply the style of Van Gogh's Starry Night to a picture of your dog. Some great examples can be seen in this paper.
Anyway, similar techniques could be applied (if they haven't already) to authors and books, learning the writing style of a particular author and applying it to a selected text. This would effectively keep the content of the original work but "rewrite" it through language the reference author would have likely used.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore's 1984
"Who watches Big Brother?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not recommending anything, but a few years back I drafted a modern AU of Lord of the Rings as a joke for a friend in which the One Ring was an indestructible doughnut that could only be toasted by the Microwave of Doom.
I'm late to the game but Terry Pratchett does Enders game or Vonnegut ghost writes the next book in game of thrones. Capitalize that in your head for me.
Dovala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jean-Paul Sartre - La Chunder Jeux
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patricia Wrede (Author of Dealing with Dragons) does Eragon (Better characters, better plot, a better overall tone, ect) OR The Harry Potter series done by Terry Pratchet.
George RR Martin does the Twilight series. No more bullshit sitting around for two books long, no more of that pretty princess stuff. Bella would probably die in the first book for being such an airhead which would make everyone happier.
G-0ff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Christopher Moore do At The Mountains of Madness. Or any lovecraft story, really. weird horror would work beautifully with his penchant for the absurd.
So, I looked at my bookshelf, and The Great and Secret Show (Clive Barker) and Jitterbug Perfume (Tom Robbins) were sitting there next to each other. So I demand a head-to-head battle.
I'd kind of want to see The Wheel of Time as by Brandon Sanderson. I know he wrote the the last three with notes from Jordan, but I wonder what a full series on it built up by him would read like.
I'm a big scifi buff, but some of the classics are so hard to read because of the sexism present in novels from the 60's and 70's. Even with the good authors like Clarke, the sexism isn't blatant, or even intentional, but it's still there and noticeable (even little things like most of the characters being male).
I'd love to see a contemporary author like Alastair Reynolds have a go at some of the classics, like Rendezvous with Rama.
You bring an interesting point, because that is what makes the classical literature completely unreadable to me, but I would have to see an example from SciFi you mentioned.
"I am Jack's colon. Smelly, filled with steak eaten 4 years ago, and ostensibly useless, save for flatulence."
Or
"
"You are not your job, unless you're a cook. You're not how much money you have in the bank, because that would mean you're made of money in the most literal sense possible. You are not the car you drive, although lots of you contain large amounts of gas. You're not the contents of your wallet, because who wants to be a receipt for Taco Bell? You are not your fucking khakis, because those should only be considered for job interviews or boating. You are the all singing, all dancing, three quarters water, half naked, fully loaded executive premium package, nearly asleep, closely guarded, occasionally hungover crap of the world."
"In popular music, a cover version or cover song, or simply cover, is a new performance or recording of a previously recorded, commercially released song by someone other than the original artist or composer"
While not a legit novel, they are in stores and I highly recommend them. Someone has produced the six Star Wars movies into the form of Shakespeare's plays. (Jar Jar is made out differently, vastly differently.) "William Shakespeare's The Phantom of Menace: Star Wars Part the First (William Shakespeare's Star Wars)" to give you an idea of it.
OTHER WISE one not already created... I want to see any generic romance novel, "Kiss of a Highlander" to name one I actually own, recreated by Stephen King.
Oh man, this sounds good but I'm pretty sure his anxiety about writing it would take like 30 years off his life. The Brothers Green are sweeties, and their media following has given them some confidence boost, but I'm not sure John would ever be able to bring himself to do this. And even if he could Hank might fight him about it with how big of a fan he is.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Classic Starts OR Tumblr, or Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians And Then There Were None rewritten by Suzanne Collins
I can't say I was a fan of Puzo's novel, although the film is one of the greatest ever made. It's a fantastic story, and was ripe for the Shakespearean treatment taken by Coppola, but Puzo came across as a tacky writer, as interested in a minor character's vaginal tuck as he was the mafia's reaches into the American political system.
I'd love to see Ellroy take a stance like he did with American Tabloid. Make it seem real, make it dirty and gritty, and give it that powerful edge.
I kinda want to read Satan's version of the bible, all the way from creation to now. To be fair, I'm only getting one side of the story, and that's biased.
No doubt George R.R Martin's take on the Harry Potter world. I want it to go darker and deeper! (pause)
I've had to resort to writing my own Harry Potter shits (I guess you could call in 'fan fiction') to dive into the untapped Werewolf society. No doubt his take would be worth a fucking read.
I mean they kinda have that. There was a bible with all the "miracles" taken out, basically just a "historical record", if you can call it that. I think it was called The Atheist's Bible?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If not I would like to recommend someone with more ambition than I use r/ADifferentPen
(in homage to r/adifferentspin , the sub for the musical genre-bending covers similar to this thread's take on genre bending book...covers. But r/book_covers looked either taken or dead from the cursory search I did while on mobile.)
Lemony Snickett covering literally anything. Maybe even Douglas Adams if he were still around. I imagine A Tale of Two Cities would love the honor.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 'Best' meaning, of course, a time where one would be at a candy store and be allowed to pick out your favorite candy bar, and 'worst' meaning that you found the owner of said candy store to be a king quite fond of beheading customers."
The Bible by Matthew Reilly. That would be hardcore. Genesis and Exodus in particular would be epic.
me1505 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally anything covered by Nobokov. Especially if it was an injection of his beautiful prose into the more functional writing of someone like Hemmingway.
Lord of the Rings is a great story, but the writing is pretty bad.
Crucbu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that kind of what comic books do all the time? With different writers taking a crack at reselling the origin stories, or Stan Lee reimagining DC Comics' main books?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donna Tartt covering The Catcher in the Rye (because she does coming of age works so well (esp The Goldfinch)) or Elena Ferrante covering The BabySitters Club (because why the fuck not).
wilbso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Daniel Handler...
Only kidding ;)
Aistar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Prattchet's cover of "Monday Begins on Saturday". It would fit his style just right, and he would replace USSR-specific jokes with something everyone can laugh at, but keep the general satire of bureaucracy in magical sciences intact.
Now that I think about it, Connie Willis also would do this book a justice, while also imparting on us a big list of interesting facts about history of real-world magic and magicians, all somewhat unrelated to the plot (actually, just take "Bellwether" and replace fads with magic).
Neal Stephenson's cover of Rick Cook's "Wizardry" series. Cook's idea about magic working a lot like programming was very interesting, but underdeveloped, and frankly, he wasn't a very talented writer. Neal could really work with this to create an epic tale of a battle programmer.
I just started reading (listening to, actually) Neil Gaiman's Norse Mythology. Which is exactly like a modern cover of an old, slightly outdated story. I've read the old texts, they have their own charm, but I'm glad I can hear this new retelling of the stories I learned so long ago.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Ice and Fire by GRRM.
I love his gritty style, his duality of motivation would really deepen the characters in the universe, and the universe itself can almost stand a story on it's own. So, with him at the reins, I could see that series being a whole drastically different experience.
Pretty sure Marry Shelly's Frankenstein is a cover?
Jushak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald J. Trump represents: The Art of War.
No, art of the deal (or whatever the garbage book was titled) doesn't count.
Preferably only edited just enough for it to make barest hint of sense so one could actually read it, but still trying to stay as true as possible to the origin so you can laugh at it.
Many authors do take themes and run with them. You can read pretty much the same story from Machen (The Great God Pan), Lovecraft (The Dunwich Horror), and King (N).
This is one of the reason preserving public domain is so damn important. Characters plot and stories should not be locked out of humanity sandbox forever.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly 'cause I always wanted to know more about the mechanics of the "magic" in WoT. But also cause there's more then 2.2 books. And I'd hope he would replace the dress arranging and sniffles with fun edc items and clever insults
konaya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Doors of Stone by friggin' anyone at this point.
Stephen King writes Game of Thrones books. Winter is coming and it's pissed. The Lannisters are cursed and the brother/sister thing spawns a posessed child who's name is Winter Lannister.
Searching on mobile sucks but if nobody had mentioned it, John Scalzi actually did this with his Fuzzy book. I'd almost count the last hitchhiker's guide as well (the one DNA didn't write).
Well technically, it's been a pretty big thing for a while. The story of Robinson Crusoe has been covered by a bunch of writers. Romeo and Juliette has had many many rewritings. And then many, many others.
And aren't fan fictions some sort of covers too ?
Late to the party... but this guy "covered" Harry Potter with a House/Sherlock/any other hyperintelligent maladjusted protagonist version of Harry: http://hpmor.com
Didn't Michael Cunningham do this with 'The Hours')? It's not a straight cover in that it tells an original story, but the influence that Mrs Dalloway has over every aspect of The Hours shows that it is a loose cover, like how blues and jazz musicians often 'cover' a song, but with different lyrics and in a slightly different key or tempo.
So, 'The Hours' is like 'Tribute' by Tenacious D where 'Mrs Dalloway' is 'Stairway to Heaven' by Led Zepplin. The new version of the story is technically not a retelling of the old version of the story, it's just a rather similar (and legally defensible) story.
EDIT: Oh, and I want to see 'War and Peace' covered by Dr Seuss.
I would also love to read Sylvia Plath's version of a Dr. Seuss book, or her version of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky)..
I feel like the metphors she uses would make the perks of being a wallflower more delicate but would still be an emotional whirlwind of a read. I would enjoy the darker element to the Dr. Seuss books in general.
A little too late to this party, but: Ulysses by Suzanne Collins. I just need someone to really break it down for me in terms of language (not add colosseum fighting).
On the flip side, Hunger Games by James Joyce would be fun. He's a modern day Ovid, and Hunger Games is one of the first mainstream female mythology, so I'd love to see his take on it. But then Collins could break it back down for me...
N8CCRG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:32:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hyperion by Dan Simmons is absolutely a cover of The Canterbury Tales, just set in an amazing sci-fi universe. Dan Simmons is definitely a huge literary nerd who loves to make literature an actual piece of his story.
I'd love to see Mikhail Bulgakov's Master and Margarita 'covered' by Neil Gaiman.
I'm struggling to think about how it would turn out, but excited at the very prospect!
This is an amazing thread! I have no original suggestions but wanted to share the Hogarth Shakespeare project (http://crownpublishing.com/hogarth-shakespeare) The retelling (or covering) of Shakespeare classics by current authors using modern themes.
Top of my list is Margaret Atwood's retelling of the tempest, Hag-Seed.
Hunter S. Thopmson's Fear and Loathing done by David Foster Wallace. There'd be a 10 page description of what kind of bats there are in bat country, with 17 footnotes on every other page.
A Song of Ice and Fire by Terry Pratchett.
I love Martins universe but hate his plots, as well as how ssriously the whole thing takes itself, in the worst way possible. Pratchett was always a delight, and I'd love to see how he took dull, gruff characters like The Hound or Jon Snow and made them multidimensional, funny and relatable.
The A Song of Ice and Fire series, covered by literally anyone who would actually finish the story. I'll do it myself if Martin dies before he finishes it
mrmo24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by HP Lovecraft.
Mortal Kombat: The Novelization by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Catcher in the Rye by George R. R. Martin
The Call of Cthulhu by Dr. Seuss
Psycho by Ernest Hemingway
They kind of do already. Just off the top of my head, "The Stars My Destination" is a sci-fi take on The Count of Monte Cristo. "Fuzzy Nation" by John Scalzi is a 'reboot' on a 60's sci-fi novel called "Little Fuzzy." God knows how many authors have taken on modern retellings of Shakespeare (who himself was retelling some older stories), Odyessey, etc.
Robert Asprin on pretty much anything would be my choice. I mean his books kinda already are covers of stories but he just makes things enjoyable. Would be nice to see his style with some other books, Eragon for instance could use a bit more light heartedness
There's going to be some in these replies so I might as well say it anyway for reference.
r/jesuschristreddit
I'd personally like the Lightning Thief. It would be pretty exciting to read.
He could pull from his styles in "American Gods" and "Neverwhere" to write his version of Roland Deschain's journey. Gaiman also knows King personally, And I think that he could capture the essence of King's tale in his own way.
And honestly, Gaiman does a better job of wrapping up his stories neatly--something King struggles with occasionally, and very notably so in The Dark Tower.
1984 by Richard Bachman (yes, I know it's Stephen King, but his 1970s dystopian writing style on the original Bachman novels is what I'm going for here)
This is a brilliant idea, BTW... not mine, but the OPs. Would love to see this happen!
Resistance is a book which has a brilliant idea, and found every way to ruin it, making it boring, unengaging, and overall destroys any want to carry on reading.
They already kind of did that in a book called Rip-Off! A bunch of Sci-fi writers used their favorite stories (any genre) as prompts to write a new sci-fi short story in one book. It's really good.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sean Michaels presents: Prelude to Foundation. I think the way he wrote Us Conductors would be really compatible with Prelude's style. He would do Hari justice.
Retellings are actually one of my favorites to read. There's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies that got made into a movie. I just got donr reading Heartstone by Elle Katharine White that is Pride and Prejudice in a fantasy setting with dragons. I liked it a lot, really looking forward to the rest of that authors works.
Beauty by Robin Mckinely is my favorite book of all time and a retelling of Beauty and the Beast. Robin Mckinley has another version called Rose Daughter, which is also very good. I have tons more, but that's just a few.
Vizina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This situation reminds me of Brandon Sanderson picking up and finishing The Wheel of Time Series after author Robert Jordan passed away. He did it with his partially written chapters, the authors wife, and hundreds of pages of notes. Artfully done I might add.
aDoge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see a cover of The Odyssey written by Virgil
"Intensity", re-imagined by Stephen King. I am curious to see what he would create from what I consider to be a master stroke of dramatic fiction. I vividly remember reading and re-reading it, a hopeful sophomore in high school and wanting to be a writer. I was fucking electrified by the simplicity and detail, never before or again did a novel animate my emotions and imagination like that.
Christopher Moore does Dan Brown's books. Interesting mysteries and great dialogue.
Jim Butcher does the True Blood Series. Let's see Sookie toughen up a bit.
JK Rowling tries to save The Witch and The Wizard series. I could only get through like 15 pages (aka 10 chapters) of that travesty.
And George R.R. Martin and the author of Redwall (Brian Jacques RIP) switch series. I feel like the feast scene in Game of Thrones would stay just as long but be tastier, and introducing incest a world where everyone is an animal isn't as creepy.
I've read a few comments and haven't seen this suggested, and I can't CTRL-F because I'm on mobile, so here goes.
JK Rowling presents The Lord of the Rings.
May be a bit of an obvious one, but Rowling's unique style and ability to not just tell a story, but to make the reader feel every detail would greatly compliment TLOTR. I love the way she introduced the world of magic in Philosopher's Stone, and I think that sort of thing would work wonders with Middle Earth.
This would actually be really interesting. It's like reading the same book but from the unique style of another author. Authors should do this. I would totally read a Lord of the Rings written by the author of Harry Potter (or vice versa if Tolkien was still alive :( )
Friedrich Nietzsche covers Batman: The Killing Joke. I know it isn't a literary classic or anything but I think it would be cool to see Nietzsche's Joker.
Edit: I used poor wording.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's Hamlet. No, not technically a novel, but it could be.
Obligatory reference to Jorge Luis Borges' short story Pierre Menard, Author of the Quijote, in which a writer creates a word-for-word identical copy of Don Quijote. But of course having been written in the 20th century, it means totally different things, critically.
The Shannara series by Brandon Sanderson i would love ti read
k_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series covered by Philip Pullman. It would be darker and more intricate.
I would love to see Steven King covering the Silence of the Lambs / Red Dragon Series by Thomas Harris. I can't imagine Steven King fucking up the ending!
The Homesman by Cormack Mcarthy. Bleak. Depressing. Poetic.
Jean Rhys wrote a book, "Wide Sargasso Sea", which was a prequel to Jane Eyre, but told from the villain's point of view. It humanized the madwoman in the attic by telling you the story of how she got to be that way, in the decolonization process when British expats suddenly lost everything in the colonies.
It came out about a century after the original work, and if you just skim through the book, it's actually possible to completely miss its plot relationship to Jane Eyre - the references to the earlier work are quite oblique.
I read that book in college and ever after I've enjoyed fan works that "rehabilitate" or recast the villain of a major piece in their own light and justifications.
I would love if chuck Palahniuk covered a john irving book. Any of them. Cider house rules, until i find you, widow for a year, the world according to garp. That would be an excellent match up!
In the lines of the Second Foundation is a hallucination of the main character who can't support that the First Foundation is just decyaing and an empty shell of its glorious past.
Authors already do "cover' other books. I mean think about how many books out there have used the plot of The Odyssey, MacBeth, Romeo and Juliet, or various Bible stories?
Michael Crichton basically did this to Beowulf in the novel Eaters of the Dead (aka The 13th Warrior). I was actually kind of pissed I got tricked into reading Beowulf a second time, but to be fair I liked Crichton's book a lot more than the poem.
Kinda in this vein, there are companion novels that retell the original story from an alternate characters POV.
The Wind Done Gone. Different author. Tells the story from a completely different socio-political-economic position. Washes away the white washing of the plantation south.
Ender's Shadow. Same author. Completely retells the story. The main character in the first novel felt so isolated during the story. But in this version, we see that he wasn't. He had people supporting him that he never really noticed. It adds so much to the story. There are more sequels for this character than for the original character.
All the banks I've worked at don't give a shit about fraudulent charges, unless we suspected you're lying to us. We don't charge the vender, we have insurance for that.
You're not really saving small indie devs as much as your spreading the word on how to money launder.
Any of the Warcraft novels written by Richard A. Knack. I would love to have them written by Christie Golden so that she won't force her self insert OC that doesn't even belong in the franchise down my throat.
Brandon Sanderson or Steven Erikson's Lord of the Rings.
That shit would be so cash. Brandon would give it M. Night Shamalamadingdong twists and action for that ultimate entertainment factor, but Steven Erikson would make it truly mind-bogglingly epic and engrossing, so either would be awesome in their own way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeanette Winterson recently wrote a book The Gap of Time, which is meant to be a cover version of Shakespeareโs, A Winter's Tale.
I'm not terribly familiar with Shakespeareโs version but I can tell you that Jeanette Winterson's version was amazingly entertaining, worth checking out.
Without asking directly it's interesting to see what "authors in my lifetime" are mentioned and join the commonly accepted "greats" I learned of that died before I was born.
I want to read a Patrick Rothfuss cover of the Lord of the Rings.
LotR was great, but it was more of a chronicle of mythology than a story. Rothfuss has the natural poetic style to set it on fire. It would just be sixty years before it was finished.
Yeah. He's an amazing author, but not terribly prolific. I come away from a chapter feeling like I've read an entire book, full and satisfied, and I'm not half done. He just hardly ever publishes. It's just been these damn side-story teasers.
I've been thinking about this for years, and have never understood why novel 'covers' aren't a bigger thing. It's fine for a movie to be remade twenty years later but some young upcoming author can't tackle 1984 or Ask the Dust?
I think what needs to happen is some kind of annual event, like NaNoWriMo(?) but for redditors covering public domain stories.
This is just making me realize how man excellent writers are on Reddit haha. It's crazy to see so many people emulating these amazing authors so easily.
Dr. Seuss does Isaac Asimov
The laws are simple only three
To make it safe for you and me
First rule a robot must obey
They cannot hurt human in the night or in the day
Or do nothing, that harm arrives
To sons and daughters husbands or wives
Second rule of course, a Robot must obey
An order from a human being speaks from their craw
Except when such conflicts with that First law
One more law, it's the Third
a robot, itself must preserve
As long as when it does
Those first two laws are held above
One more law we forgot to cover
It comes before all the others
The 0th law, don't you see
It's as important as can be
No robot can harm humanity
Or through inaction allow a calamity
mjr511 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Abnett covering any Star Trek books, particularly around the time of the Dominion War. His fantastic ability of writing about futuristic space combat would be awesome to read.
I'm super late to the party but Ctrl+F found no mention of Frank Herbert or Neal Stephenson so...
My first choice would be to have Frank Herbert cover all the Dune books that Brian Herbert wrote, but since that's probably cheating I'd go for Frank Herbert covering Snow Crash and Diamond Age and Neal Stephenson covering Dune.
The Percy Jackson and the Olympians, as done by Albert Camus
His Dark Materials series, as done by C.S Lewis or Tolkien
Lev Grossman's The Magicians, as done by Terry Pratchett
At Home in Mitford, as done by Douglas Adams.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone might have said this already but "The Outsiders"
F3NlX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The five year old masterpiece โWhat secret could ruin your lifeโ from r/askreddit covered by George R.R. Martin (first one to jump to my mind) or really anyone that can write dark stories.
Do people still say "nerdgasm?" This is me excitedly typing in my response on my phone, as I've been playing with these "cover" ideas for some years now. Oh man :) My friends and I have thrown a similar question around during drinking sessions. Good times. Our most hysterical suggestions involve local authors (Filipino!), but lemme put some of my favorite authors here, off the top of my head:
Gabriel Garcia Marquez covers Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis
David Foster Wallace covers Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov
Anais Nรฏn covers Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita
Sylvia Plath covers Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Anthony Burgess covers Natsuo Kirino's Grotesque
Kenzaburo Oe covers Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart
Mario Vargas Llosa bitterly covers Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Memories of My Melancholy Whores. Hearing of this, Gabo immediately begins his cover of Mario's The Green House, his fingers pounding on his old, discolored keyboard, and his tightly pursed lips defining the exceptionally blank frown he would wear for the duration of the endeavor.
Marcel Proust covers Jean Paul Sartre's Nausea & Albert Camus' The Stranger, to be released as a single volume
Murakami Haruki covers Judy Blume's Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
Gustave Flaubert covers Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina
Jorge Luis Borges, Julio Cortazar, and Junot Diaz collaborate to cover Roberto Bolaรฑo's The Savage Detectives
Honestly I would love to see Twilight done with a good author. The premise is super interesting and has a lot of potential but the execution... Well we all know
DDT126 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost killed myself every night for the past month. No need to refer me to r/suicidewatch though. I know I'm never going to do it. I love my parents way to much to do this to them. I live a luxurious lifestyle compared to most people where I live. That's not the problem in any way. I've been depressed for most of my life now. Nobody knows and I plan to keep it that way. I deal with it on my own due to extreme anxiety issues. Lately though my exam results coming out in the next two weeks have me on edge. I know I've screwed up at least two of them and I need to not screw up in them. Also typical teenage love issues are rampant. I don't know why I'm even saying this here. Sorry I wasted your time.
Why? because King actually gets shit done, unlike GRRM nowadays. And while he's at it, he could finish the third book of Name of the Wind/Wise man's fear.
Donald Barthelme's The Dead Father covered by Patrick DeWitt. DeWitt's so good at playing with genre and style it would be fun to see how he tackles Barthelme's wonderful absurdity.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Sedaris - A clockwork orange
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd really like the Expanse series covered by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. I want to see his voice applied to a space opera, such as the Expanse or Firefly. The Sirens of Titan is a really good indicator for how I'd like to see that happen.
Not that Tolkien didn't have some grimness going on, possibly from his WW1 experience, but LOTR as written is high fantasy which typically doesn't have all that much grit to it.
I think this post seriously highlights the severe restriction copyright places on creativity in the public commons. I would read most of these books. Love em or hate em, their existence should qualify their worth. I hate that we allow this kind of regulation on the creative commons but don't regulate how much money you can earn.. awesome thread tho.
Adolf Hitlers protocols of the elders of Zion would be interesting although probably not much different
Or animal farm by hp lovecraft in which it turns out the pigs are sacrificing the animals to bring back old major
If we could do authors covering plays, then David Foster Wallace covering Hamlet. I feel like he's one of the few who would really understand on an instinctive level just how counterproductive Hamlet's intelligence was to his situation.
This might seem a bit strange, but I'd love to see S.E Hinton cover either the 'Harry Potter' series or 'Chronicles of Chrestomanci.' I love fantasy novels but I find that the authors tend to spend more energy on the world and the magic system than they do on making the characters relatable. I already love both of the series mentioned above and I can only imagine how much better they'd be if they had the emotional depth and empathetic writing style of 'The Outsiders.'
Anne Rice's Sookie Stackhouse Novels (true blood series)
Twoixm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Illiad and Odyssey by Susanna Clarke.
I've always been interested in reading the full stories of these, but don't really enjoy reading prose. Clarke's Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrel is one of the darkest and most immersive stories I've read, and I feel like she would do the proper research to get the details right.
George R. R. Martin does: All of the Lovecraftian books.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bernard Cornwell: A Song of Ice and Fire
As much as I wanted to enjoy it, GoT just didn't really draw me in. I found Martin's writing to be fairly bland in all honesty. The Last Kingdom, on the other hand, was excellent.
George RR Martin with the Percy Jackson series. I used to be really into it and I'd like to see grrm's take on rick riordan's good but repetitive style.
I know it'd probably be pretty samey, but I'd like to see Stephen king and George r r Martin to a "cover" of each other. I think "a song of ice and fire" and "it" would be specific examples of each other's specific writing style.
I know asoif isn't GRRM's only work, but it's what he's best known for and what isn't completely dissimilar to kings.
This is actually how storytellers used to do: Homer wasn't the original teller of the epic cycle; Shakespeare never wrote an original story that wasn't an historical fiction, and the brothers Grimm simply wrote down the most common folk tales of their time and place...
I want to retrospectively suggest one that shouldn't have happened - Eoin Colfer's "And another thing" - the sixth Hitchhikers Guide book. It really shouldn't have been written.
Someone, anyone, please cover the LOTR series. I had a lot more dedication to read and thirst for escapism allowed me to chew through those when I was in my teens, but right now... it's difficult to navigate the swamp that is 40 pages of description on how Gandalf is walking from the kitchen table to the god damned door!
The Incarnations of Immortality Series (originally by Piers Anthony) covered by Jim Butcher (to clean up the plot) co-writing with Jennifer Estep (to improve the female characters). I love the world, and I love many of the story beats, but the plot has some very rocky road and those female characters are horrendous.
Douglas Adams The Lord of the Rings
"A wizard is indeed never late, Frodo. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to, which is approximately sometime between the time he wakes up and the time at which he decides to lay his staff down at the end of the night. Many people have speculated that wizards have been tampering with time for centuries in order to be able to show up whenever they like and not be late. But the truth of it is that wizards have just about as much regard for time and punctuality as Hobbits do for crossing the great oceans or being stood up by said wizards."
I actually have a serious suggestion... is that allowed here? lol
I'd really like to see Philip Pullman and J. K. Rowling swap universes for one book each, even if they're just short stories: Pullman adding to the Harry Potter universe while Rowling explores His Dark Materials (i.e. Golden Compass).
Which congressman do I need to write to try and make this happen?
Do Androids dream of electric Sheep brought into a modern technical setting. P.K Dick did an excellent job of projecting his predictions of tech and AI and its moral conundrums, i think it could get a very interesting modern spin put to it, especially the Mercer religious fanaticism given a cultists spin.
Stephen King's version of Hansel and Gretel. He wrote his own little version in a pre-story rant about how he had to cut out details in one of his books (can't remember which one).
I viewed 7000 or so of the 12207 comments currently in this thread (and enjoyed reading a large bunch of them), and was surprised Alice in Wonderland only appeared twice, and not with the author I had in mind either.
I want to read Mark Z Danielewski's cover of Alice in Wonderland.
Jane Austen's "Les Miserables." I'd love to see her take on the star-crossed lovers of Marius and Cossette while just barely glancing over the inequities of post-revolutionary France.
Dresden is my favorite series of all time and Hamlet is my favorite play. I think he could really tune in to Hamlet's psyche to really bring a new flare to it.
I'd be thrilled to read The Dark Tower series by George R. R. Martin. King obviously did an amazing job with it, but if the stories were four times as long and had ten times as many characters... <drooling intensifies>.
This is a fantastic, original question. There is a certain threshold for juxtapositional humor, which has been exhausted in the comments ... you all are ridiculous, and I love it. To give my very sincere response: I'd like to see Brandon Sanderson cover the Animorph series. There are probably better answers to the question, but that'd be pretty cool.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Joy of Cooking by Adolf Hitler....and I wouldn't mind looking through Julia Child's Mien Kampf. It would probably be mostly about how great butter is and why margarine can get the hell out!
pietya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steinbeck's Harry Potter = 120 pages of about the flow and feel of the Haunted Forrest, 100 on the complexity of human relations between the portraits.
George Orwell, Margret Atwood, or Philip K. Dick need to fix up those young adult dystopian series like Hunger Games and the Divergent series. Their plots have potential that's just not reached.
Harry would die at the end of chamber of secrets and the rest of the series would be about Neville slowly losing friends at Hogwarts, only to die himself then be brought back by Luna Lovegood, who is actually 900 years old. And Lucius would definitely eat Draco in the form of a treacle tart
melgib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
5/7 would read
Hydris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do cover stuff. It's called reboots. It's why there's been 3 different spiderman.
It's why they have "re-imagining" and why romantic comedies are all the same story formula. Why tons of romance movies are based off Romeo and Juliette, and other century old stories.
Isaac Asimov's game of thrones, where every character is reduced to their effect on the plot and futuristic science replaces fantasy ohh wait I'll just go read foundation again.
This is a cool what if, but storytellers have been doing this shit for a long time.
Roxanne, Megamind, and Let it Shine?
Cyrano De Bourgerac.
Warm Bodies and West Side Story?
Romeo and Juliet.
Lion King?
Hamlet.
Miyazaki's Ponyo?
That's just the little mermaid.
Many, if not most stories are indirectly 'covers' of other works.
The Bible covered by J.R.Tolkien. Will Jesus be able to bring the cross to the mountain in time, and will Salem burn? This and more in this epic trilogy.
Tusami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So because I read all of these and some from another site I have a whole list.
R. A. Salvatore covering Harry Potter and The Mortal Instruments series
Anne Bishop covering lotr and
Edgar Allen Poe covering Twilight
J. K. Rowling covering Eragon and Alice in wonderland
Lewis Carrol covering Charlie and the chocolate factory
Shel Silverstein covering A Series of Unfortunate events
Douglas Adams covering Alice in wonderland and Jurassic Park
Cassandra Claire covering 50 shades of grey
Mark Twain covering The great Gatsby
Lemony Snicket covering Twilight and Charlotte's Web
And there's just too many god damn books that I would want if the right author wrote it instead so I'm done for now
A song cover is when one artist plays another artist's song
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 04:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeh obviously, but a book cover artist? I don't get it, surely you would be assailed repeatedly and outed in like 10 seconds. The concept alludes me.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 04:39:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what is not a cognitive question.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but thx for the link :)
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 05:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't fit in, see there are all kinds of smart, there is scientific smart, social smart, dumping a ton of bricks on asshats smart ( maybe my thing) , physics smart, chemical smart........ then there is the whole argument of what smart means. See we are all human's, we suck in some things and are great in others, the word smart is monumentally insignificant to describe understanding.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nonsense can be a source of amusement:)
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate the effort which you have gone too, to explain that. Ulysses no doubt has been butchered due to bad translation. I am totally ok with covered songs, shit, look what Soundgarden did with Rusty Cage. But , and maybe this is a personal philosophy, but the written word is sacred, it is what it is, it requires no completion, no extra explanation, to division, no rewriting. It is something which should be immortal. Well that is just my opinion .
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another writer writes down your story, but with some stylistic changes and changes to the plot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The definition of evil. you do simply not change the written word. Any living author will describe it as rape.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Rowling version of Lord of the Rings. I want to like LOTR, but it just seems so dense. Ironically, I loved the hobbit.
Outside of books. I'd like to see Steven Moffat (Doctor Who showrunner) tackle Marvel/DC comics or power rangers.
And if you are too stupid to understand stuff, Neil Gaiman and all sorts of shit. He's fantastic, but he's blunt and in your face with what he's trying to say.
The rest, well, they're just the best in my opinion. In a way I think they'd all fail to do well in this challenge, except Wallace, as they're too into themselves to care about another person's story. But! I'm imagining a scenario where they had the idea and wrote it on their own.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lolidk
Yuseffo ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iv been separated with my wife for years now. I am not that hungry for sex but admit it sex will make us closer to our spouse. I am working in other country 8 months after marriage. When I come home of course sex will be on my mind. When I had sex with my wife she is like dead. She doesn't moan or gave a little response and it made me don't finish. I really find it boring. I didn't have someone to compare for I don't have relationship outside marriage but sex only is the least that she can do to please me when I come home. I made foreplay to her before penetration but it seems selfishly she is enjoying on her on. She doesn't think about me. She isn't also performing in bed and worse she isn't a wife material, she don't care my about my needs. So I talked to her the last time I come home to better file a devorse for our marriage isnt working anymore. I am thinking I should have get somebody and pay for sex and serve me than getting a lazy, selfish and boring wife.
ender's game by rowling. oh wait. she already basically ripped it off with harry potter. and hers would be worse than orson scott card's anyway. but at least she'd pave the way by suing him first. claim that he traveled into the future and then used hogwartz as an inspiration for battle school. with all her money she'd probably win too just like she did against fans who simply made non-profit fansites for harry potter... and like she successfully publicly shamed people who she claimed wrote stories overly derivative of her books despite hers being far more derivative of ender's game.
The comic reading app *Tapas * can bring a twist in this approach. By encouraging visual artists, comic artists and young story writers to make their version of a renowned work of sci-fi fiction and fantasies. It'll be both mass appealing, and bring out a unique taste of the classics, from the young generation
Saved comment
Tasty_weenus ยท 3444 points ยท Posted at 02:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov covering Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, or vice versa, Douglas Adams covering Foundation
[deleted] ยท 916 points ยท Posted at 02:57:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adams covering Foundation would be true magic.
residentchubbychaser ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 06:11:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Foundation is my favorite book series of all time, so I'm iffy on the idea of anyone else doing it. But I would love to see Asimov cover Hitchhiker's Guide.
hesapmakinesi ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 10:01:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have a video game cover of Foundation's Edge. At least its ending.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:22:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost fucked up. Spoiler tags don't work in this sub on mobile and I'm literally halfway through ME3 right now.
Unfortunately, I know the Foundation series very well. I need to finish this game already.
potterpockets ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:46:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an avid Mass Effect Fan, prepare for dissapointment. Lol.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:51:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm fine with it. At this point it's been months, so I just want the ride to be over, then I can come back and play FemShep in renegade mode :)
potterpockets ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:58:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FemShep is BestShep. lol. If yoy havent done it, gotta play The Citadel DLC too.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did. I stopped short of finishing it. I just have the party. It was fun, but a bit silly in the writing ;)
I also bought the omega and the leviathan. I have to do an N7 mission right this second, but I think I'm gonna do omega right after. I'm not doing anything else today so I gave time to play :)
potterpockets ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:49:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah it is absolute fan service. Lol. But as a fan, i was more than ok with it. Omega is pretty good too. Leviathan was just ok to me, but i didnt play it my first run through so i had already kind of spoiled it for myself.
CerberusC24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:34:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FemShep should always be played renegade mode. She's a powerbitch through and through. Gets shit done and doesn't fuck around. Unless she's literally fucking around. Cuz she's in control of her sexuality.
TastyBrainMeats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I play Paragon...except where you need to show the steel beneath the velvet.
sharkboy421 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:18:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same. I much prefer Paragon but there are times people just need a punch in the gut.
jaulin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:33:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We do?
hesapmakinesi ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 11:12:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mass Effect 3 has a very similar "choose the fate of the galaxy" type of ending as Foundation's Edge. They copied the worst part of the whole story IMO.
jaulin ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:21:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, okay. Haven't played that one yet. Although it seems like all I hear about it is disappointment. Thanks for explaining.
greyghostvol1 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:39:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A+ gameplay, C+ story, D ending
abookfulblockhead ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:45:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my opinion, Mass Effect 3 is the best entry in the series, if you can muster the willpower to turn off the game five minutes from the end and imagine your own ending.
ScrabCrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:32:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I liked 2's characters and the ability to not be 100% zoomed in more. Also biotics felt much stroger in 2 IIRC.
sharkboy421 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:17:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mass Effect's problem is there is a whole lot of confusion and mixed messages leading up to the ending. Not bad ideas but the ending of the game was not the place to put them. Still a great series though.
hutxhy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:12:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't consider the extended foundation books as canon. The trilogy is it! It's all there is, I tell ya!
residentchubbychaser ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:47:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The original trilogy is the best, but the extended books (both the sequels and the prequels) are also very good so I'm more than happy to include them.
hutxhy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:23:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The endings are mediocre in my opinion. Asimov didn't even want to write them. I think as another, unrelated story, they'd be good, but not as part of Foundation.
residentchubbychaser ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:25:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with the endings of the sequels being mediocre, but the journey throughout the books is outstanding and I found myself even more invested than in the original trilogy at times (especially during Foundation and Earth).
On the other hand, Forward the Foundation had an incredible ending in my opinion, especially the last line in the Encyclopaedia Galactica.
hutxhy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:48:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah they were more involved, due to the continuation of the character arc. The original trilogy went through a lot of characters that ended up being dead and occasionally referred to.
Plus Golan and Janov had great chemistry.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:11:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHO IS THIS 'WE' AND WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THIS GAME?!?!?!!!!
hesapmakinesi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:16:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was referring to the end of Mass Effect where a super powered being asks you what the fate of the galaxy shall be, and gives you 3 choices.. Easily the worst part of the game AND the book.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone invent a time machine to make this happen, please!!
Martofunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:25 on June 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did. It's called The Hitchhicker's guide to the galaxy.
Dubliminal ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 03:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Encyclopaedia Galactica exists in both Foundation and Hitchhikers.
[deleted] ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 03:04:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've said it elsewhere in this thread, but I don't think you can really "cover" authors like Adams or Pratchett, since they're already spinning on such fundamental features of their respective genres. It would be like someone trying to make a "parody" out of a Mel Brooks movie.
funlickr ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:36:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But there's still a basic plot structure in Adams' and Mel Brooks stories that another author could put their own twist on. Take for example, George Lucas doing his own 'cover' of the movie Space Balls.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:45:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that would be George Lucas covering Mel Brooks covering George Lucas. It would basically be a Star Wars remix, with perhaps an extra joke or two. Like translating English into Spanish into English: things might be a little different, but the underlying meaning is the same.
captmetalday ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:41:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I'm just not understanding your meaning but isn't Spaceballs a parody of Star Wars?
drgradus ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:11:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but The Force Awakens was merely a cover of Spaceballs played straight.
DuplexFields ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:43:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean "Episode I".
drgradus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said "played straight," not "B movie writing with a gigantic budget."
miauw62 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:10:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but I'd love to read such a thorough parody in Asimov's straightforward style.
HieronymusBeta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:10:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov aka The Good Doctor
chokingonlego ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:29:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just wrote out what it'd be like for Douglas Adams to cover The Last Question, it's pretty interesting to read.
greyjackal ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:10:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's a stretch to say that the invention of Deep Thought and the planet that does it is somewhat inspired by psychohistory.
keytar_gyro ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:30:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Asimov doing something more fundamental, like Gilgamesh, Beowulf, or Paradise Lost
drgradus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:12:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We just got Gaiman covering Norse Mythology, which was fantastic. Literally.
mrwazsx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:37:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't hitchhikers guide almost a parody of foundation? So maybe that's what foundation would look like if covered by Adams.
Inle-rah ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:24:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Foundation was my favorite series for a very long time. I thought you should know.
Wraith8888 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:32:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Foundation series is what really got me into my lifelong love of sci fi literature.
WaffleFoxes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, Douglas Adams foundation would be so great.
coolkid1717 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:01:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would suggest to you, Enders Game, Speaker for the dead, Xenocide, and children of the mind.
Also if you like technical sci-fiโ, anything sci-fi by Stephen Baxter. He explains much of the technology with real theories (not all proven) from physics. Half the time I'll read something and go "that's a real theory!?" and look it up on Wikipedia.
ionlyplaytechiesmid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Baxter is the one who worked with Pratchett for the Long Earth, wasn't he?
Those books were great
coolkid1717 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:55:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I believe so. One of my favorite books is manifold: space. But he has a bunch of connected books within the xelee sequence. The books span billions of years being loosely connected.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xeelee_Sequence
I liked timelike Infinity. And also vacuum diagrams. The latter is a bunch of short storiesโ from the xeelee sequence that doesn't spoil anything. It's a good book to see if you'd like the others. The wiki link above tell you a suggested readinding order but you can read them in any order. Although there are three books that are a part 1, 2, 3. I'm not sure if you should read them one after another.
akjoltoy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
neither of them were cut out for the other's work. douglas adams was far too witty. asimov far too good at writing rich space opera.
Drachefly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Space opera? Asimov was good at setting up interesting problems and letting things fall as they would.
HieronymusBeta ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:31:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov aka The Good Doctor
PoopyJuicy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:27:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think Asimov is all that good of a writer. He's influential and irreplaceable but reading The End of Eternity by Douglas Adams seems hilarious
gizamo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read both of those so hard.
Binda33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:23:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would be great except that Douglas Adams is no longer living. :(
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds a lot like Prelude
drivers9001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Bill the Galactic Hero" (or one of the sequels? I forget) has a comedic take on the city-planet Trantor, among other things.
ionlyplaytechiesmid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On a related note, J. R. R. Tolkein swapping with Terry Pratchet would be pretty cool too.
Buloi92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:27:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine Douglas Adams covering LOTR
hc84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:15:55 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These writers are dead. Pick someone alive!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:24:05 on September 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mine was Douglas Adams covering Lord of the Rings
AHPDQ ยท 1731 points ยท Posted at 03:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's The Giving Tree
ittakesacrane ยท 345 points ยท Posted at 05:40:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Karl Marx's The Giving Tree
loafers_glory ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 10:30:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to say Ayn Rand's Das Kapital
Sinai ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 11:23:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The shocking thing is that Das Kapital would actually seem less childish. Marx could go on for pages sniping at the giants whose shoulders he stood upon.
Rand might spring a 30-page diatribe on you out of the blue, but at least she wouldn't literally name names and talk about how everybody is the wrongest sort of wrong.
[deleted] ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 12:58:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that's literally the point of philosophy though
Sinai ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No philosopher I read ever was as childish about it as Marx.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 22:48:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand? Really?
Sinai ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 22:49:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, really. I read Das Kapital cover to cover and it was ridiculous.
SuperCrusader ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 14:50:07 on May 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Comparing Rand to Marx is ridiculous
If I had to choose between 5 year old and Ayn Rand in election, I would choose kid.
And I don't really think Rand can be considered a serious philosopher.
OfLumpsAndGrumps ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:33:19 on August 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont think there's anything wrong with considering her a philosopher, but I see your point. Above all else, she's an author of primarily fiction who puts her opinions about government in her books more than she is a thinker that conjures up any truly original philosophy.
TheRealHooks ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 13:31:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This hasn't gotten nearly enough attention.
Now I'm wondering deeply what Rand's stance on the tree would have been. The tree gives freely and of its own free will, so it probably fits within her core principles. The brutality of the writing would be interesting, though.
nathanv221 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 17:56:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it would probably be the same story until the end where she has no sympathy for the tree. It died because it could not defend itself, that's it's own fault. It should not have given before it made sure it had enough.
janetnotjackson ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:44:07 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
have y'all seen The Toast's Ayn Rand Rewrites? it's fucking gold!
RevolverOcelot420 ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 11:27:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Tree, I want to make money. I want to be able to buy a house, and a car, and to attract a nice wife and have a family."
"Get a job, parasite!"
MacDerfus ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 16:58:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And so he got a job as an apple picker.
MrWaffleHands ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:37:40 on June 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Get a job, nihilist!"
PM_ME_YOUR_BLADDER ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:35:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonderful
msiri ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:09:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shell Silverstien was a communist
Freedomfighter121 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:28:47 on May 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, just like almost every good writer of the last 150 years.
EmergencyCritical ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:00 on June 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about Margaret Mitchell
akili_kuwale ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:49:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/gallery/FantX
littlelebowski98 ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 04:33:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... The raping tree?
underbite420 ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 05:41:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think we would refer to this as the taking tree
DuplexFields ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 06:45:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just write the existing plot from the tree's perspective. Call it The Taking Boy.
underbite420 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:03:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds waaayyyy less rapey......
I don't like it
DuplexFields ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 07:27:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The man approached with the ax, a figure of strength unrestrained and exuberant. While the tree awaited the bite of the blade, she shivered in the wind, imagining what it might feel like to be chipped away by the man who had been the boy she'd loved. He, she knew, was worthy of her fruit, her branches, her all."
serjykalstryke2 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I...don't like that
edinburg ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 19:14:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read The Fountainhead in high school. There's a lot of rape fetishization. Rand was really into that apparently.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well there's nothing wrong with that as long as you have a consenting partner
psdnmstr01 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 19:51:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait...
serjykalstryke2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:25:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kink shaming isn't cool. Some girls are into rape play. As long as its find safely it is perfectly healthy
littlelebowski98 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:49:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That works too
MacDerfus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's 50 shades' author covering it.
DrBarrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:38 on May 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Evil Dead.
mattg278 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is tremendous
CraftedClasher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:36:18 on July 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Peart's Anthem
...oh wait...
subrvis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:37:22 on July 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even Shel Silverstein's Anthem would be interesting. It would be nice to see Silverstein's comical take on the character names in Anthem.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:10:24 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had money for gold you would be gilded like five times right now
MattTheFreeman ยท 1369 points ยท Posted at 03:03:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell - Atlas Shrugged
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 446 points ยท Posted at 03:04:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations on mindfucking me.
PlayMp1 ยท 102 points ยท Posted at 06:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For real. Orwell was a socialist, so I have no idea what would happen there. Probably much terser, more readable writing, that's for sure. I love Orwell's plain, no-frills style.
Diggsi ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 12:15:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He really wasn't called to be a novelist. The place where he really shone was as an essayist.
NanoNarse ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 13:17:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You say that as if he didn't write some of the greatest novels ever.
mike_rob ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 13:42:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, two of them. His collection of brilliant essays is much larger.
I'm partial to "Shooting an Elephant", although I guess that's a short story as much as it's an essay.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh. Huxley was a much better dystopian writer imo
NanoNarse ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:05:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disagree, personally, but regardless there's a chasm of difference between "the absolute best" and "not called to be a novelist."
As a writer myself, I can only dream of writing something akin to the quality and influence of Orwell's work.
mr_impastabowl ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 13:07:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's crazy is that socialists and capitalists fear the exact same thing: their freedom being stolen.
mike_rob ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:44:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And they both rely on widespread public fear of the other, even though too much power given to industry is just as dangerous as too much power given to government.
It's like the ending of Animal Farm. The more you look between the pigs and the men they overthrew, the less of a difference there seems to be.
PlayMp1 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 15:12:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Socialism doesn't want more power given to the government, it wants the means of production to be owned by the workers. Orwell himself would tell you that. He was literally there to see the best example of actual socialism in action in anarchist Catalonia.
Thebangman ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 23:44:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See this is what always trips me up. (Excuse me if I accidentally make incorrect conflations when talking about socialism, it's been a while since I read Marx) Yes, socialism is an economic system not a political system, but so often those in favor seem to think you need a monolithic state in order to insure worker control of 'means of production' or merely assume that state control is citizen control. (i.e. State is made up of citizens and ostensibly acts in accordance with their will, thus citizens are the state). How do you get means of production into the hands of workers without some powerful entity forcing private enterprise into line? On the other hand, capitalism in its purest form is a system of individual rights in which people are entitled to their own property. Locke's Two Treatises on Government codifys this view, showing that capitalism considers property and thus the fruits of labor (as property) as an extension of self. From this sort of definition, I see no reason that workers cannot themselves some sort of enterprise communally (i.e. a business) within the framework of a capitalistic system. An example from our very own 'capitalistic' (there is no true capitalistic society in the world, it seems that in practice governments exist on some continuum from full pure capitalism to pure state control of enterprise but it's good enough)
would serve to illustrate my point. Let's say you start a company. (As far as I know) There is nothing to stop you from paying all your employees in equity. In fact, most startups pay most early employees at least part in equity. So worker control of enterprise in a 'capitalistic' system is not necessarily a contradiction. However, I'm sure someone will make the point that this can't play out in reality as capitalism inevitably concentrates money at the top. To counter this, I make the argument that it is a function of most human societies to funnel resources towards elites. (I am not a professional historian or anthropologist, so take this with a grain of salt) for example prehistoric society has a warrior chief or religious elites at its head, feudalism has kings and barons, the agricultural antebellum south (notable in that in contrast to the north, it is not a capitalistic system- slave labor and capitalism are a huge contradiction in that capitalism is most accurately defined on the individual worker level as wage labor) had the plantation elite, and today we have huge corporations and their ceos. (Technology and the abstraction of money (think of the agreements on debt mega banks use as credit with each other and such) certainly extends their reach, but I think that's a different point) in the case of the current situation in the us, the big business and big brother connection is what gives corporations power and their influence on government is essentially unregulatable(is this a word?))
In the case of US 'capitalism' we really see government falling in bed with big buisness in the late 70s and beyond following the democrats control during the "great consensus" period after WW2, were republicans took advantage of new ways of leveraging campaign financing to become the party of business (the democrats got in on too don't worry, they're all corrupt) and finally gain control (at times) for the first time in decades in practice this refers to the unfair monetary policy of the Fed, handouts, tax cuts etc. toward huge contributors
patron_vectras ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:41:02 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, why should socialists argue that their system does not necessitate, and hence comprise of, a strong central government to keep the market in check? If the change can happen voluntarily, then do it without changing government. /r/Anarcho_Capitalism
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 22:51:21 on August 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anarcho capitalism is just all the bad bits of capitalism with a bit of 'but what if the child consents' sprinkled on top.
mike_rob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:39:43 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a shame more people can't see this, because it's a very well thought-out argument.
And I completely agree with your angent about far left and right extremes being similar. In fact, I'd argue that equal opposites are alway equal evils, and that only by creating as equal a balance of corporate and federal interests as possible can we protect the interest of the people as a whole.
TyphoidLarry ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:49:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll throw another voice behind you. None of this is even ideological. It's just a factual account of Orwell's ideals and what socialist ideology is fundamentally about.
PlayMp1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 18:58:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, people don't like to hear that the conception of socialism they've had since middle school is wrong I guess. Not my fault the USSR was a pile of shit state capitalist country.
mike_rob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would that apply to a service-based economy, though?
PlayMp1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 20:18:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The service workers would own the business they're running. We already have these: they're called partnerships and they're frequently used for professional organizations like law firms or medical practices.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:12:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course you're getting downvoted because people don't like when the truth goes against their preconceived antisocialist worldview.
lovesuprayme ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just replace John Galt's speech with Emanuel Goldstein's book and change the ending.
Aphex-Twink ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 10:39:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
notoriously concise author vs a 52 page speech
mike_rob ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:47:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or 1984 by Ayn Rand.
Or Brave New World by Orwell or Rand.
Or 1984/Atlas Shrugged by Alduous Huxley
PM_ME_YOUR_KOBOLDS ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:11:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I managed to enjoy Atlas Shrugged even with Rand's heavy handed writing. Huxley's version would be an absolute delight.
Aphex-Twink ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:11:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
rands writing style is better criticism of state education then rands writing, if you get what l mean
PM_ME_YOUR_KOBOLDS ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 15:48:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get the joke, but I'm honestly just amazed she cranked out a book that long in her second language. If you told me to write a giant political novel in my second language I'd run away as fast as I could.
Aphex-Twink ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:01:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that is an interesting point. Both George Orwell and Ayn Rand were born outside the anglo-sphere and grew up speaking a different language (though orwell also spoke english from the start), which could explain why both of them have distinctive writing styles.
patron_vectras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:42:16 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She wrote Hollywood screenplays and a shorter novel before, so it isn't like she had no practice.
aaaaarg ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:28:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hw wrote something maybe of the sort, Keep the Aspidistra Flying.
koukla1994 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:04:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one got to me
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Genius
BtDB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I...need to sit down.
Gcw0068 ยท 7293 points ยท Posted at 02:47:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's captain underpants
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 7538 points ยท Posted at 06:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I pondered, in detention
Suffering for my dissension
Wond'ring if my hand could write another broken law
When suddenly, there came a knocking
Breaking silence, ever shocking
The classroom door was now unlocking, like a waiting monster's maw
"What if toilets" my mind wondered, "Were monsters with seat maws?"
A comic on that I will draw.
Suddenly, in burst the teacher
Eyes flaring like a brimstone preacher
Except that I did notice he had one apparent flaw
His shirt was gone and out of sight
His pants and shoes had faced his might
He was almost as naked as when born to dad and ma
'Cept for a cape and skivvies, he stood bare 'fore us in awe
Quoth the captain, 'TRA-LA-LAA!'
[deleted] ยท 1019 points ยท Posted at 12:27:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BoxNumberGavin1 ยท 642 points ยท Posted at 13:56:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Despite being economically handicapped, writers can sometimes be good at what they do rather than just using it as a mask for otherwise unjustifiable alcoholism.
Fenrils ยท 161 points ยท Posted at 19:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're really good at the alcoholism thing though, don't forget that.
Sweetbadger ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 22:42:51 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I should take up writing.
borg_nihilist ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:17:50 on August 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I could be drunk <before> noon?
Drewsawed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:42 on September 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey! I resemble that.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 00:14:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was 2 AM and I was looking for more excuses to not go to sleep.
MrCMcK ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 09:11:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This the what I expected when I clicked this thread.
duvakiin ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 12:25:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn this guy just absolutely nailed it. Props guy.
Courtnall14 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 12:57:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if I hope that this is your profession and you're making boatloads of money, or if it's just a thing that you do on the side and just enjoy the hell out of it...
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 12:59:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The latter, though I wish I was being paid for this.
Chimpanda ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:46:36 on May 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd happily commission a few short covers if you have PayPal. Familiar with Warren Ellis, Tom Robbins or Robert A. Heinlein at all? u/AdmiralAkbar1
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:19:44 on May 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I can't say I am.
Gcw0068 ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 06:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone give this person Reddit Silver^
Ultravioletpig ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:10:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps even Reddit Aluminum Alloy
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:54:23 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here is some of my Reddit Chocolate.
Gcw0068 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:08:02 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like it
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:08:56 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Want some more?
The_Legend_26 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:43:18 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paging u/poem_for_your_sprog
meowingatmydog ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made my day. Oh my god. Thank you!
Shaibelle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:03:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you.
BubblyToast ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:48:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You win.
OfficerWhiskers ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:59:00 on May 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking nailed it
swimmerboy29 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 21:02:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this and was inspired to write my own
Confined to detention Their actions receiving detested attention There came a knocking at the schoolchamber door
Faces frozen in fear Pen on paper beginning to smear A lavatory seat with porcelain dentures Brought to life with ballpoint pore
Enter the teacher A rotund, malicious creature A man seemingly born From the fiery hellfire core
Yet something seemed queer He had lost his mind, it would appear His attire was men's briefs and house curtains that from the window he had tore
A sight so magical To be dismissed by teachers as fantastical Yet they knew that life would be normal Nevermore
He became quite elated His vocal cords pulsated And with a mighty "TRA-LA-LAA" Their eardrums-they tore
Old_but_New ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had gold to give, you would get it u/AdmiralAckbar1
gramathy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:02:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would change the second to last line to "Save but a cape and skivvies, he stood bare to us in awe"
Poe didn't really use apostrophes to save syllables, except for 'Tis and o'er which were in much more common use at the time.
Illier1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:42:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God dammit
virtuous_pyromaniac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:54:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I has no gold but would like to say that this is awesome.
FranceisBakin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is delightful
Drewcifer12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:18:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Masterful.
debterp06 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:22:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is EXCELLENT.
igottasloaner ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quoth the captain, "TRA-LA-LAA!"
RogueryNight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most beautiful thing I've ever read, thank you
Mr-Sister-Fister21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:33:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a trap-ap-aaaaaap!
SirSkidMark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing and you are awesome. /thread IMO
GoonerChaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:10:06 on June 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is truly amazing.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:40 on June 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any reason why you're necro-commenting?
GoonerChaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:34 on June 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woops, didn't realise my bad! Must have been looking at 'top of this month' or something thought I was browsing 'hot'
woosel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am seriously considering buying reddit gold just to give you some of that stuff.
zWraith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:43 on June 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm framing this
bigtrapper420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:50 on August 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's fukn crack up u r a good writer
poopy_toaster ยท 2312 points ยท Posted at 03:07:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"As George and Harold were in their treehouse, their hearts racing, sweating profusely, they heard through the floorboards: TRA-LA-LA!"
Edit: This is now my most upvoted comment! TRA-LA-LA!!
Gcw0068 ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 03:25:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder how he'd do the flip-o-Rama
lavaisreallyhot ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 05:03:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Page 1, wall. Page 2, dead body
bcarlson9 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 05:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cask of Amontillado!
LHandrel ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:07:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amontillado!
TheScottymo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:10:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amontadillo
Not_A_Throwaway999 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:55:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amontadildo
ViZeShadowZ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
armadillo
TheScottymo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:24:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:04:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
somefatchick ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 04:16:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I choked on my drink. Thank you. also : " a tra-la-laing at my chamber door."
Gcw0068 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:18:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I was trying to figure out how he'd put the raven in there... I think you nailed it
caanthedalek ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:15:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The tell-tale pants
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:07:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Allan!
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:02:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AmAShill ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:35:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's going to be a Captain Underpants movie now!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:25 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
AmAShill ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:28:38 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a trailer! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDm_2m-Hg6c here!
AestheticGrey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:03:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are a GENIUS. I was just looking through the thread waiting for a Poe comment.
ImpoverishedYorick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Narrated by Werner Herzog.
f1nnbar ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ALLAN. It's fucking ALLAN. Goddamn it! Why won't people spell this man's name correctly!!!
nicofish ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:50:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude calm down
f1nnbar ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:05:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what? It seems that just about any time a redittor is proclaiming his or her "love" or "respect"... or even hatred of Poe and/or his works that same redditor misspells the name.
I understand when this happens if a non-fan of Poe is writing the name, but in any context where praise or admiration (or even dislike) is being rendered it is simply inexcusable.
You're right. The world won't end if Edgar Allan Poe's name is misspelled. But don't you think that people could be just a bit more attentive?
Gcw0068 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:58:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Autocorrect it was autocorrect
f1nnbar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:38:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damm autokorrekt!
TheMFDrez ยท 5755 points ยท Posted at 02:57:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP: You need to get some of these big name authors on board to do these for charity
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3110 points ยท Posted at 02:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, Christ- that's brilliant. Some kind of literacy push. I'll wait until the discussion rounds out some more, see what kind of things people are fiending for, and then if try and take a step forward with it.
chokingonlego ยท 1874 points ยท Posted at 05:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please don't contact George R. R. Martin, please.
adkiene ยท 1839 points ยท Posted at 05:48:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's that? You want me to write a book that's not Winds of Winter? Sure, I've got plenty of time for that!
aaaaarg ยท 272 points ยท Posted at 09:19:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either that, or
"What do you mean the manuscript is due tomorrow? Of course I've written it. I'll send it to you tomorrow."
And the conversation goes on for a few years
briskt ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:40:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like blogging about the NFL in the freaking off-season
[deleted] ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 12:16:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
W I L D C A R D S
I
L
D
C
A
R
D
S
wild_cannon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:39:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wild
motherfuckin'
Cards.
UnrulyCrow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:21:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! You beat me to it!
EverWatcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't even joke about that.
ZachAttackonTitan ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:36:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ? George R. R. Martin? George R. R. Martin should make a cover of the Bible!!
WaitIOnlyGet20Charac ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 12:10:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't finished the Bible yet, but if GRRM covered it he'd probably kill off my favorite character, Jesus.
Of course he'd also probably bring him back to life too, you know GRRM.
-MURS- ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:51:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hur Hur Hur
TheHadMatter15 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:48:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean you don't want GRR Martin to cover the Harry Potter books so these little shits die from the get go?!
Deathmage777 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 11:56:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn it from a series to a short story?
scannerofcrap ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:03:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he's busy scripting half life 3
EnkoNeko ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:37:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cry
Wes___Mantooth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:01:00 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did he write the ending of Episode 2?
scannerofcrap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:23:18 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah they probably only hired him a year or two ago, and he's only just started writing now. Valve says they'll start programming the moment he's finished his first draft.
Wes___Mantooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:55 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I know he didn't actually write it. I was just making a joke because the shocking way Ep 2 ends seems a bit GRRM like.
scannerofcrap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:58:25 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, I was continuing the joke by saying that after all these years they've only just hired someone to write the story. and they picked a notoriously slow writer, and nothing will be done to further production of the game in any department till he's done. Hence no sign of the game for a long time coming
MintyBunni ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:03:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please do contact him. Would love to see what he does with children's books.
theshizzler ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:17:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oddly enough, he was a writer on the Beauty and the Beast TV series.
fringelost ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:03:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If George R. R. Martin wrote Harry Potter, what do you wanna bet it would end with Voldemort winning?
slash_kick ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:49:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the twist of Harry being the new dark lord.
Jinx197 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:44:35 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your expecting an ending?
_ImperialScout_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:07:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Yes, this is George...yes....yes...sounds lovely.....Can I do Harry Potter?.....uh huh...alright, I'll settle for the Berenstein Bears."
Backwater_Buccaneer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 00:38:41 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Berenstain
Gawronizm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read R. R. Martin's cover of Harry Potter.
Cire101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because he'd do a great job at covering someone's book anyways lulz
GaslightProphet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's get Martin and Rothfuss to cover each other.
jmerridew124 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter would be a very brief series.
sage1700 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, Lord of the Flies would be an interesting one for him to do his take on.
Valeddy ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 03:46:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a damn good idea.
And when you get famous OP, remember that i upvoted you.
stealthxstar ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 05:44:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're going to, see if you can contact Neil Gaiman. This sounds like exactly the kind of thing he would love.
Pyrdwein ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 06:58:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should check out Neil Gaiman's A Study in Emerald. It's more of an homage but it's basically him writing a sherlock holmes story in a Lovecraft style, very good short story.
itsableeder ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Hugo and Locus Award winner, no less.
MegalomaniacHack ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:57:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A charity anthology with Cliff Notes versions of popular books could maybe get going with Worldbuilders.
And some of the genre authors mentioned in these comments come round Reddit often enough they might see this post anyway.
Pau_Zotoh_Zhaan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:34:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also get in touch with a few podcast or radio guys for the audio books!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:07:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They'd prooobably only be able to work with public domain books.
But even so, that'd still be awesome to see.
PointyOintment ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:13:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They could probably do it the way musicians do, which I assume means getting permission from the original author (and their publisher or other copyright holder).
ExpatTeacher ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:15:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would assume fair use extends to written work the same way it does to music.
Ask_me_about_WoTMUD ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:31:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know for a fact a lot of authors hang out on /r/fantasy so whole it wouldn't cover all of these suggestions, I bet you'd find a few willing to do it for fun there.
Ask_me_about_WoTMUD ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:32:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, and you should totally repost this question to /r/fantasy and/or /r/books :P
travisdoesmath ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would the series be called Cover to Cover?
occupymypants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect.
nutseed ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:59:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it would be a really big ask, considering most of these greats would have several of their own stories that they've been trying to develop properly for years, and how long most of them take to produce a work
sirgog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:00:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to get this off the ground as a charity thing, I'd ping Brandon Sanderson, who is active on Reddit a lot (hi, /u/mistborn !)
He is exactly the sort of person that would consider 'covering' a short story for charity and I could imagine him persuading other authors to do so.
Plus, who wouldn't want to see him do a literary 'cover 'of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter?
mistborn ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 22:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, I've had ideas like this in the past--then the whole Pride and Prejudice and Zombies thing happened, and there were HUGE numbers of things like this flooding bookshelves. I think everyone got bored of the idea very quickly, and I discarded any plans for anything similar.
Sythic_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:51:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dont worry, BuzzFeed will take care of that for you tomorrow and take all the credit.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like you need to reach out to Chuck. He's got some books to write
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:55:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Oxford book of Parodies is a bit like this, except they are not by the authors themselves. Some of my favourites:
Winnie the Pooh by Ernest Hemmingway
"Pooh got up and he went out into the snow and he went to see Piglet. Piglet had been one of the great ones, once. Piglet had been one of the poujadas, one of the endarillos, one of the nogales. He had been one of the greatest nogales there had ever been, but he was not one of the greatest nogales any more."
Little Jack Horner by Anthony Powell
"Horner had got himself established as far as possible from the centre of the room"
Irving Welsh's sermon on the mount
โThe crowd wants nosh, man. And so do I. Philip patted his belly.
Jesus snorted. โYou donโt look like you needed any.
โThey can fuck off and buy their own, I said.
โThereโs no shops here, said Andrew. โSoon theyโll faint.
โBugger that, said Jesus. โLetโs see what weโve got.
Andrew went round with a basket.
โThatโs pathetic, I said. โTwo fishes and five loaves? Thatโs IT?
โSEVEN loaves, DICKHEAD.
โYou an IDIOT, or what? Youโve got five there!
โShut the FUCK UP, said Jesus. He waved his hand over the basket.
โHocus . . . Pocus . . .
And then there's GK Chesterton (the real one) doing Old King Cole in the style of 5 or 6 different poets
snappyirides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keep us posted OP!
Kicooi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holding you to this
becoruthia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I'll remember where I read this first.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree. These would be so fun to read.
CherryMandering ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to hear updates on this
-Teekey- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:50:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No way they'd write an entire book. Maybe a chapter. Or even just a few pages.
aDeepKafkaesqueStare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't mind me! Just commenting to be Part of Reddit History, in case this gets done.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you do, get an agent and have them pitch directly to editors at Tor or another big fantasy imprint at a major house.
Coffeezilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some of the older ones did do covers, I mean Stephen King has also wrote a Sherlock Holmes story.
underdabridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't work (at least as full novels) because of the work involved. It's a lot easier to learn a song and make a few tweaks than it is to write a whole new novel with the same story as an old novel.
That said, this was basically Shakespeare's whole shtick.
mrm5117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Children's books and short stories would be a lot easier for authors to do pro bono because of the shorter time commitments. Covers of accompanying illustrations could be really neat, too.
Miennai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the very least, short story excerpts of famous novels since a novel takes so long to right. musicians cover songs, not entire albums, and a novel is no small task.
ArconC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If they turn out mostly short stories then put them in a collection an audiobook version would be awesome
Rexel-Dervent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically,
"Apartment 16" is a cover of "1408"
"The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear" > "The Neverending Story"
"Fastelavnsnarren" > "It"
"Freddy og Monstrene" < "Nooit de Buren bijten"
"1984" < "The Restraint of Beasts"
trifelin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This already exists with comics, like Kafka's Metamorphosis by R. Crumb.
PM_me_goat_gifs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if /u/thesoundandthefury would be interested in doing a cover of The Sound and the Fury. Or, since novels take a long time, a short story such as Hills like White Elephants.
SorryToSay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:12:34 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just going to go out there and say this. If you want something like this done, probably best to stay in your lane. I get that you can ride the internet stardom to a degree, but I don't think because you had a shower thought that that means you're the best suited person to go round up famous celebrities and line up charities.
JJRicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:51:24 on June 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, what's up now?
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:37 on June 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I passed the ball to another redditor with some connections in the publishing industry- project was too big for me. Hopefully they'll be able to pull something together.
DownvotesWankers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guys, books take years to write. It's a nice idea but it's not going to happen.
sirgog ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:44:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a brilliant idea.
I could definitely imagine Brandon Sanderson doing this (and his name has come up a couple times in suggestions).
MegalomaniacHack ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:57:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman seems like he has the right attitude to enjoy this kind of project, too.
And Martin would probably love another distraction.
loptthetreacherous ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the best ones are dead, sadly.
d1sxeyes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:42:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Covering a whole book is a big ask. Perhaps you could pick a book, and ask some of the big name authors to contribute just a chapter?
snitchinbubs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:36:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Short stories would also be a good idea.
F0rScience ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If anyone could make this happen it would be Patrick Rothfus and his Worldbuilders charity
PM_me_ur_book_hoard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite ones were suggestions for Hunter S. Thompson and Terry Pratchet.. hysterical and bittersweet at the same time.
OnlyOne_X_Chromosome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This really is a good idea. I think it would be feasible financially too. Most classic novels are in public domain. If I am understand public domain correctly, there would be nothing stopping anyone from doing this.
eSHODAN ยท 15746 points ยท Posted at 02:49:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Lord of the Flies' by Roald Dahl
theironphilosopher ยท 5146 points ยท Posted at 03:57:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be the most unsettling book ever written.
ProgressiveJedi ยท 1446 points ยท Posted at 05:27:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of his books already were.
[deleted] ยท 943 points ยท Posted at 05:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
milesmac ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 09:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl regularly had articles published in Playboy. Few people know because the magazine is better known for its photo journalism.
gamingchicken ยท 95 points ยท Posted at 10:07:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The old "I read it for the articles" quip is actually not that hard to believe. Some of the articles that I have read in playboy have been top notch.
Khatib ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 10:22:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always did, but I'm only 35. By the time I got a Playboy sub in college, free porn online was everywhere. No need to pay for it. I paid for the articles and the interviews.
Psyladine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:45:50 on August 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even before internet, there were plenty of raunchier magazines without pretense. Playboy sold, well, the playboy image. Even their explicit photos were coy in a demure way.
Thighbone_Sid ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 11:38:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fahrenheit 451 was originally published as a serial in playboy.
Texas_Rangers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:58:35 on July 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the temperature books burn at and the author called a fire station to find out.
Happybadger96 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 12:19:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Guts" by Chuck Palaniuk was in Playboy, disgusting and great
PMyoBEAVERandHOOTERS ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 16:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guts
Lammergayer ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:34:05 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck
Meanbeanman123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:01:30 on May 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The gift that keeps on giving.
this_is_original1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:54:14 on September 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FUCKING WHY WAS I SO ENGROSSED IN THAT
FUCKING 0/10 DON'T READ AGAIN
Points_out_shit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:39:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course we knew that. The articles are the only thing us men read Playboy Magazine for, right fellas?
Acceptanceheals ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 07:55:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read pig before bed a few weeks ago, put the book down, and laid there with my eyes wide open
AndJellyfish ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just read it. What the fuuuck...
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:56:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Made me angry!
EnkoNeko ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 13:48:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good stuff. A+ doctor.
TheFriffin ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 12:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if this is a fake memory or something, but I swear there was a Dahl story I read when I was like 8 about a group of bullies who shoot and kill a swan, and then try to kill a boy who climbs a tree with the dead swan or something and who ends up flying away using its dead wings or whatever
It was really weird
hermanbigot ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 12:32:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's from The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar, and Six More.
TheFriffin ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that the same book with the guy that trained himself to see through playing cards?
Squidvan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes
hermanbigot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:32:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, that was Henry Sugar himself!
shallowtl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:07:58 on June 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was just called The Swan. They also tie him to some train tracks iirc
-bishpls- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:05 on July 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, and there's this entire bit about the guy using his head to bury a little into the ground so his nose isn't chopped off by the oncoming train.
Quackenstein ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:59:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"My Uncle Oswald"
Oswald Hendryks Cornelius, an extremely attractive and wealthy bounder, was the greatest fornicator of his time. In this installment of his scorchingly frank memoirs, Uncle Oswald recounts his discovery of the sexually invigorating properties of the Sudanese Blister Beetle, and his cunning plan to steal what men are most willing to give away. Oswald and his partner in crime, the seductive and beautiful Yasmin Howcomely, travel all over Europe to retrieve the sperm of powerful, rich and artistic men.
They freeze the sperm with the plan of selling it to rich women who wish to create children using the genes of the rich and intelligent.
Oswald's accomplice tried to use the aphrodisiac on King Haakon of Norway, but her plan misfires when she accidentally eats the aphrodisiac carrying chocolate she intended to serve the king. She gets thrown out of the king's castle after she falls into a temporary state of nymphomania and tries to rape him.
Shadowy13 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:45:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm getting an "Error Bad URL" for that link.
peacemaker2007 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:21:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who doesn't want to turn into a giant penis?
Futureboy314 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:41:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lamb to the Slaughter is a mind-blower.
miniatureninja ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:05:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They turned his short stories into a TV series in the UK in the 70s and early 80s. I grew up on this weird shit. Tales of the Unexpected
byersinblue ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:41:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just read Pig, and... I'm kind of disappointed? There was a lot of information that never really amounted to anything, like the confusingly elaborate story about the parents and the strange bank man. The ending was absurdly simple/boring and half-way gory in my opinion. Can someone explain to me the appeal for them?
Lammergayer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:08:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe the appeal comes from all the build up with a sympathetic protagonist only for it to come to an abrupt and shocking (if really obvious as soon as he left for the butcher's) ending.
That's my guess at least. Compared to a lot of Roald Dahl's other horror stuff this was pretty mediocre. Mostly for the reasons you described. I'd assume this is one of his earlier works, because his writings is a lot more focused in collections like Skin.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:48:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is awesome! Thank you so much for sharing this, I just downloaded it. Can't wait to read!
theironphilosopher ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:29:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What did you just make me read?!? "Pig" was horrible!
Twitch_Half ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 05:45:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"A Piece of Cake" already makes my skin crawl.
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read a summary of the story your talking about. I don't see why it's unsettling. What am I missing?
dinosaurusrex86 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 06:00:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He writes about several surreal dreams the protagonist has when unconscious after crashing his war plane. It's not his creepiest story though..
kniebuiging ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 06:35:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know Dahl for the BFG.
I loved that book as a kid and should probably investigate what else he wrote now that I am an adult
TheRedCap30 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 07:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Twits, George's Marvelous Medicine, and Willa Wonka's Chocolate Factory are all amazing.
loopytroop ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:01:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The twits and the witches are two of my favourites.
N0ahface ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has a really good book of short stories for adults.
comboverlord ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 07:15:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe the protagonist was Roald Dahl himself, who crashed his Gloster Gladiator in the North African Desert around Egypt during his time as WW2 Pilot. He had those dreams in a semi-conscious state after dragging himself on the wreckage of his plane. It was included in the second volume of his Auto-Biography. Flying Solo i believe its called. I read it a few times when i was younger.
Edit: Spelling
mr_narwhalz ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:29:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read pig? It's about how life sucks, with a little bit of cannibalizing vegans.
comboverlord ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:46:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No i have not but it sounds deliciously dreary and delectibly gruesome.
mr_narwhalz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's my personal favorite short story of all time. Is Naivety and joy is better than pain and understanding? It's one of his early works. Strongly suggest googling. Also has one of the strongest last lines of any short story.
themayorhere ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is the last line? I can't remember and I tried Googling but no luck.
mr_narwhalz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Out of this, best of all possible worlds, and into the next.
comboverlord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:07:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just read a quick overview online. It sounds fantastic. Definitely going to find the whole text.
gramathy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:43:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Oranges and lemons sing the bells of Saint Clemens"
Twitch_Half ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:52:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just came back to read through here, and while I had completely forgotten this, reading it gave me an odd pressure in the back of my head.
Twitch_Half ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Granted it's been a little while but there were a few elements to it that I found unsettling. I found the way it was written gave it an over all feeling of confusion and disassociation, especially after the crash. In a surreal daze he describes the plane falling apart around him as fuel begins leaking into the cockpit, eventually catching fire. He realizes he's been injured but he isn't sure how bad, there's blood dripping from his face but when he touches it it is warm and sticky and his features don't feel familiar or correct. As the flames begin to lick his legs he blearily realizes he must get out of the plane. All this is told to us in the unnaturally calm manner of a narrator who has undergone severe trauma.
The general gist of the story is not supposed to be scary as far as I'm aware, but I get extremely anxious reading it.
PM_ME_YOUR_NACHOS ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:52:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have loved to see Australian writer Paul Jennings redo Roald Dahl.
GaslightProphet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:17:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Witches, man. The Witches.
NEEDZMOAR_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were amazing! Read them all as a kid!
Hail-and-well-met ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 05:58:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's written several extremely unsettling short stories. They're awesome and full of great ideas and some of those ideas ended up in his childrens books.
Just a fun fact for you.
hyperblaster ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 06:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His short stories are not for children. Do not let your grade schooler read those. Speaking from experience here.
Hail-and-well-met ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:03:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I read them in grade school! It was super shocking, but the stories really stuck with me. The imagination and ideas were just too cool to forget.
Ged_UK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know what age grade school is, but we read some of his short stories at school. Aged about 14 I guess.
TheCruncher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:15:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grade school is usually 5-10 years old, aka primary/elementary school, unless I'm mistaken.
Ged_UK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK, definitely too young then!
PrestigiousWaffle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:49:02 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was that one about the guy who goes around drugging famous people and has his friend fuck them to get their sperm?
FieelChannel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why?
hyperblaster ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... do you dislike ketchup? The sharp acidic bite of a good ketchup can add a lot to food. Overcooking steak will ruin it, and ketchup might actually help.
And when it comes to steak, I order mine blue rare... and not with ketchup or A1.
Blegh06 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Illustrated by Shel Silverstein
redfoot62 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:36:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And also hilarious.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did write some very dark short stories as well.
nancylikestoreddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:06:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The title alone is disturbing enough.
He's my favorite author and shit can dark real fast in his books.
13thgeneral ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:22:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You think that's bad, imagine Judy Blume's 'Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret' covered by E.L. James
Or, inversely...
E.L. James's '50 Shades of Gray' covered by Judy Blume
YouProbablySmell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:20:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly because he's been dead for years.
eSHODAN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always loved the premise of the book, but I've also always felt ostracized from the novel due to the sometimes incoherent writing. I understand completely what Golding was trying to accomplish with the writing style, and I fully appreciate it, but I felt that while the novel had depth and was ridden with commentary, I just didn't enjoy reading it as much as I wanted to.
With that in mind, I absolutely love the idea another author trying their hand at the concept. I'm even working on a staged adaptation of LoTF, because I feel an unsettling and disturbing stage play of the story would be a fun medium to experiment with!
OldBirdWing ยท 2655 points ยท Posted at 05:01:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James and the deadly beach
amcoll ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 09:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"So OldBirdWing, looking back on your life, what is your greatest achievement? Your family, your career, or something else?"
"Well, there was once this subreddit on the internet..."
OldBirdWing ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:02:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have 2 guilded comments, and a top comment on a top 100 all time Reddit with 5000+ upvotes. This is petty./s
OldBirdWing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have 2 guilded comments, and a top comment on a top 100 all time Reddit with 5000+ upvotes. This is petty./s
Drew707 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:42:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where is your karma for this?
Thedjdj ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:05:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh bravo
Mikaelus123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:39:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the title of an account of D-day
0ompaloompa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:47:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is brilliant. Someone who is regularly referred to as "moneybags," non-ironically by their friends should give you gold. In my opinion, you earned it.
AdilB101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:58 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*Bleach
dieyoubastards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:23 on October 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about James and the Violent Beach instead?
Roux110 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 09:58:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*bleach
EasilyDelighted ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 06:16:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And drawn by Junji Ito.
gingerzombie2 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 04:44:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With drawings, of course.
Came hoping for a Dahl suggestion, this is a good one. Thanks.
thegreatnick ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:10:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
paging /u/Shitty_Watercolour
droidonomy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:26:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His style always did remind me of Quentin Blake, so it would be a match made in heaven!
beatski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:26:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quentin Blake or nothing
WatdeeKhrap ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:03:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl wrote some pretty dark shit, so I can't imagine this would be too different.
DuplexFields ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:23:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it would be darkly humorous. While LoTF is just dark, with the ironic sting that the adults show up right after the worst incident.
DestroyedArkana ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:27:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read The Witches? I watched the movie in 3rd grade and it was fucked up, Dahl didn't like the film because it actually had too happy of an ending that was changed from the book. Well in the book it's a bit more bittersweet I suppose.
DuplexFields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I read a couple of chapters at a bookstore once. I preferred his short story collection.
Xisuthrus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:18:23 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus the adults seem to be waging a massive, destructive war - thus proving that the rest of the world is no better than the island.
herecomestherainbow ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:19:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BFC: Big Fucking Conch
Scarletfapper ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:59:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The events would be exactly the same, only told with a dark, twisted irony that somehow made all the death and mutilation comical.
Then at the end they get saved by some mischievous RAF airmen with a plane-full of hookers and persued by an angry Madam.
ChipNTakeM2dahole ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:29:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely! this answer is better than whatever I was gonna try to think of
Dragonbahn ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:53:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am now sad that this is not a thing.
SCAND1UM ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:30:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved Dahl's short stories. I would imagine it would end up similar to those.
Jbird1992 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:04:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite of the thread
NihilistKurtWarner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously
TheMadeStork ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:11:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That might just by Fyre Fest
inhalteueberwinden ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:15:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or by Cormac McCarthy
ask-if-im-a-bucket ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:04:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, the Southern Gothic Roald Dahl
ben_dover69420911 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:27:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently reading that book for my language arts class, hopefully it's good
squid_cat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:23:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's great! Don't let any spoilers get in your head, a teacher in my school would spoil the story with her worksheets ahead of time and it's a fantastic story to experience for the first time.
Arc-arsenal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's an incredible book, but very dark.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:26:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never have I ever wanted to read something more.
Pavomuticus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:37:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh dude, yes. This is an amazing idea.
Annoying_Rhymes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never knew that this is exactly what I needed in my life until now.
splorf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just to say that My Uncle Oswald is one of the best books ever. Read it.
brannana ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:43:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
aka. The Swan
zeezl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:41:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. Already written.
ikindoflikereading ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooo, by Cormac McCarthy.
NihilistKurtWarner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite suggestion so far
RifleGun2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Flies
wilusa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to say anything remade by Dahl but Lord of the Flies would definitely be the best choice.
elissa0xelissa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Flies by Shel Silverstein ..
atlas_hugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is great - pretty much anything covered by Roald Dahl would be amazing.
litprofessor4321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dahl was a British spy during WWII....his metaphors in this anti-war novel would be thrilling.
Zombette ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love this.
not_shadowbanned_yet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
some people just want to watch the world burn
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read the shit out of this. I just finished reading My Uncle Oswald. Dahl was a twisted genius.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It should be only classics; not modern authors works.
BecauseTyrion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:16:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Lord of the Flies' by anyone who could actually write would do, but I think Dahl is an intriguing choice
stlstretch2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have Stephen King do it ๐ฎ
LordOfThe_FLIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:47 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So kinda like Jules Vernes' "Two Years' Vacation"?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking pleb
Bagpipes_Rule ยท 225 points ยท Posted at 03:22:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' "The Art of War"
FreemDeem ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 10:16:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murder shouldn't cause you strife/ So kill them with a borrowed knife!
Fumblerful- ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you know the knowful of you sir and the enemy, sir, you will win every big boom battle. If you, sir, know yourself, sir, but not the enemy sir, you will win big boom battle and they will win one big bang battle. If you, sir, don't know you sir or the enemt sir, you will lose, sir, every big boom battle with the enemt sir.
MurderDice ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:04:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of the James Bond books by Dr. Seuss would probably be amazing as well...
MercuryCrest ยท 14108 points ยท Posted at 02:33:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft presents: Jurassic Park
Andrenator ยท 12923 points ยท Posted at 04:23:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That which is dead for millenia tends to stay dead; only by unholy machinations of a macabre nature could something be resurrected beyond its time. It was in this way that John Hammond, entrepreneur, dabbler in necromancy, and generally respected man in society sought to play with life and death for personal gain.
But that which sleeps beneath the earth yearns only to be surrounded by death.
radicalelation ยท 1463 points ยท Posted at 04:44:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, where can I read the rest?
kaos_tao ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 11:55:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New proposal for /r/writingprompts?
Martofunes ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 21:38:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a default sub. Unfit for the task.
Rizzpooch ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 11:55:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solicit the good people of /r/lovecraft
Martofunes ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:38:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant.
j-frost ยท 62 points ยท Posted at 08:57:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess here.
Valdrax ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 15:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll skip to the end: Ian Malcolm faints in terror after rambling in italics about how horrible the non-white guy / dinosaur hybrid creature is.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 16:23:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"And there I saw it, the horrid machination of which science born- that which dwelt in the chaos theory, before my
very eyes. Harrrl-Hah-Harrl-Hah-harrl-harrl"
irvin_e1986 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:39:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know right
Andrenator ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 20:11:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unfortunately I'm just very familiar with Lovecraft, not really Jurassic Park (I saw the movie some several years ago). Someday soon I'll get to reading it, and with this response I'd like to put together a short story!
LordNelson27 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:40:11 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very different from the movie
munk_e_man ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:19:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tumblr.
But you need to cobble it together yourself.
LordNelson27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:56 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just go read HP lovecraft stuff.
Tagnol ยท 172 points ยท Posted at 07:20:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry this is invalid, you need 5 more instances of the word "Euclidean" in that paragraph for it to be proper Lovecraft
Thawrom ยท 113 points ยท Posted at 07:23:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And "eldritch"
Fleeto95 ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 09:04:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And by God does that man love "cyclopean architecture"
[deleted] ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 09:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dont forget to add about 5 different synonyms for ethereal and perhaps add some 'unknowable strangeness' or some such.
ChaIroOtoko ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 09:54:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a dash of racism.
Do not forget to call mix race people mongrels!
QuinZ33 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 11:49:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an ongoing struggle for me. I really enjoy Lovecraft's works, but every time I run into those references, I just cringe and it takes me out of the story.
I just tell myself that it was more acceptable back when he wrote these, even though I know that there were A LOT of people that didn't feel that way even then.
ChaIroOtoko ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:05:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, actually it was acceptable in his time.
I do not expect race sensitivity from a man of his era.
I am saying this as a brown dude.
QuinZ33 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 12:12:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even still, many of his contemporaries knew better.
ChaIroOtoko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but I love his work so much that I do not pay attention towards it.
Doyle524 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:59:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was a haiku with the line breaks organized as such, so I made one:
Twas acceptable
Don't expect sensitivity
I am a brown dude
Aphex-Twink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:13:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if it makes it any better, he was genuinely pretty remorseful about it in the end of his life
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair even in his time he was pretty racist. He hated everyone. I think he just hated people in general, other than people who were very similar to him. Even in terms of intellect.
Irrah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think dash is putting it lightly.
sacredblasphemies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also "non-Euclidean".
MercuryCrest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:33:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to mention "alien geometry"
CliffyWeevil ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:03:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget Unspeakable, Incomprehensible, and other synonyms.
sacredblasphemies ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"squamous"
OrdinaryVisionary ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DEMONIAC
orthoxerox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Singular. And gambrel roofs.
dansdata ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 09:28:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I ever read Pet Sematary, but I watched the movie.
Basic rule: The longer it's been dead, the worse it'll be when you use this eldritch, squamous and rugose place-of-evil to resurrect it.
And I couldn't help thinking...
...what happens if you bury an Egyptian mummy there?
A bog-body, from 8000 BC?
A large dinosaur fossil?
I believe that following up on logical possibilities like this is the result of having a security mindset.
Horace_P_Mctits ยท 675 points ยท Posted at 05:26:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, Lovecraft's prose isn't nearly as clean as yours
wolfman1911 ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 07:37:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, Lovecraft was a method writer. He really liked to get into the head of his characters.
andai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:22:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, TIL
DarthRiven ยท 179 points ยท Posted at 07:56:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean, that's kind of verbatim from the opening of Lovecraft's "Herbert West: Reanimator"
TastyBrainMeats ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 15:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...the film version of which is one of the greatest buddy comedies of our civilization.
TallUncle ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more effluvial grime
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 08:04:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
can't tell if it's a joke or you just dont realize it's an ad-lib lol
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:10:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thoth J Weeping Penis at your service
BevansDesign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By now, maybe it would be.
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 07:56:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Ucla_The_Mok ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:37:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The person who made the attempt got a karma boost of over 5000.
Your misunderstanding of the comment you replied to shows you've never read Lovecraft.
Since your comment contributed nothing to the discussion, the downvotes speak for themselves.
Mandamelon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it was a joke poking fun at lovecraft
ArcticRakun ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 06:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still too short of a paragraph for the amount of information that you have in it lol
IAmTheThirdPancake ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 07:07:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is even better imagining Werner Herzog reading it.
AmbroseMalachai ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:58:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Wayne June more than anyone. His narration in darkest dungeon would be prefect.
MusicMixMagsMaster ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:18:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are a few YouTube videos of him reading lovecraft stories. He really does have the perfect voice for it.
mmotte89 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:25:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He actually voiced a Lovecraft collection AudioBook.
AmbroseMalachai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. He just know how to give the words that perfect intonation that makes you shiver.
TheRealHooks ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:24:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's one of the most beautiful lines I've ever read.
mollified9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:26:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100%
I just keep reading this.
Meanwhile I'm supposed to be writing an article for the mommy blog I work for and this just put me in an artistic existential crisis.
Yinzoonzy ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 08:46:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solid attempt, but I wasn't grabbing for my dictionary every 5 seconds to understand every off topic thought the main character has
xpoc ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 10:28:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading Lovecraft reminds me of that episode of Friends where Joey writes a letter using the thesaurus tool on every word.
Sir_Beret ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:31:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To give... And to recieve..
Otrada ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 07:10:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please make this a book, call it 'A Lovecraftian retelling of Jurassic Park'. I'd love to read this.
SmokesMcTokes ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:04:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finish it.
inconspichusen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:41:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read a cover of Jurassic Park by Andrenator covering Lovecraft.
PM_ME_EPIC_LIZARDS ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:23:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh that's lovely
PresidentDSG ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:48:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andrenator presents: HP Lovecraft presents: Jurassic Park
Rowan5215 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 06:54:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not enough racism
daraand ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:37:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please keep going
WhyBeLikeThatThough ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:44:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo!! Encore!! CLAP CLAP CLAP! (standing ovation!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Goddstopper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:30:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was beautiful, man.
TheKingSpartaZC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:16 on August 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read this so many times.
QPILLOWCASE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was amazing to read, I wanna write like this.
DaneCakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more run-ons
What-The-Pho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL that he and I write novels the same way
tommy_the_tit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so the Case of John Alfred Hammond?
verycopacetic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely brilliant, and that last sentence gave me chills. Beautiful. and terrifying.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SOLD
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most perfect Lovecraft pastiche I've ever read. Bravo!
frydchiken333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Das good
DramaDramaLlama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need this
Noobslaya117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that would literally be the greatest book ever, now I want it.
Mccmangus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:22:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
#gibbous
Andrenator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:10:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wat
Mccmangus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:18:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://arkhamarchivist.com/wordcount-lovecraft-favorite-words/
HotdogRainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I had gold I'd gice it to you.
pornopp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:05 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WOW
Please write this
Business-Socks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:32 on June 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late but that's super impressive.
Gorkymalorki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Old God's... uh find a way
[deleted] ยท 2730 points ยท Posted at 02:53:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nature finds a way, but we are beyond nature.
MercuryCrest ยท 870 points ยท Posted at 03:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nature is beyond...us....
[deleted] ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:08:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I should have said "this is beyond nature" my prose is confusing as Mountains of Madness man!
hairy1ime ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:37:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's still not within Lovecraft's cosmic pessimism. Derived as it was from Darwinism ultimately, mostly everything within Lovecraft's works is natural. The only things that aren't are a few ghosts, some magic, and perhaps the Dreamworlds.
EBannion ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:12:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Natural, maybe, but not from -here-, and so it might as well be beyond -our- nature, Earthbound and four-dimensional beings that we are.
hairy1ime ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:16:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nature doesn't stop at the edge of our atmosphere. Everything in the cosmos, even Cthulhu, must adhere to natural law.
boredguy12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:38:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is not natural?
MangyWendigo ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 03:47:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that pretty much tracks as bringing dinosaurs back to life right there
and crichton had them substitute frog dna for certain parts... maybe octopus dna works better
EBannion ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It has tentacles. You didn't tell me it had tentacles." - Simon Masrani
Svarf ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:18:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How would a Dinosaur without tentacles even work? Don't be ridiculous, we have elder science to do!
Mr_Goodknight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more racist undertones
Celestaria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are lots of Costa Ricans who get eaten in the book.
Svarthofthi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
also there was a gibbous moon
tekende ยท 243 points ยท Posted at 03:46:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is not extinct which may eternal lie
robutshark ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:03:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And with strange aeons even death may die.
So perfect.
MercuryCrest ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:50:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. That's so perfect I can't even begin.
maharbry ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 09:59:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds remarkably similar to, "What is dead may never die"
zanderkerbal ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:03:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the point.
UnrulyCrow ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 09:44:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Yo it's done from my phone, sorry for the faily formatting]
I am Edward Blake, professor at the Miskatonic University, and witness of the most horrifying events. As I think back on them, I realise, more and more, that my colleagues and I should have heeded all the warnings we had been given. Yet, we let our own curiosity, our thirst for knowledge, blind us against our own, better judgement. The events I lived are still too fresh, and putting words on them would be too difficult. It is the reason why I decided to share one of our most complete warning, all the while regretting deeply that we had not followed it. I wish to do so, so no one - I hope - will repeat our own mistake.
UnrulyCrow ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:49:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Continued]
UnrulyCrow ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Continued]
UnrulyCrow ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:58:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Continued]
UnrulyCrow ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:05:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Continued]
I am Edward Blake, from the Miskatonic University. I decided to put down the terrible, yet unknown, incident of the forest of Sarkandia. And as I write this testimony, and observe yet again the strange drawings of creatures that seem out of an ancient, forgotten age, I feel more and more that it would be safer for everybody to leave the forest of Sarkandia alone, as some things are better kept in the dark.
Mail540 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:22:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
BBJ_Dolch ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:40:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually that makes me think of Ancestor by Scott Sigler
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:59:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How many racist stereotypes about lazy black park rangers and deranged asian scientists can one cram into a single book?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:34:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough.
Morjor ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:27:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine that he would ditch dinosaurs and go with something much more interesting.
bokudoku ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:57:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, but we wouldnt know what it is becuz he would refuse to describe it.
MercuryCrest ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:16:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've never read "The Tomb", have you?
KarkatTheVantas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:42:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that the one about the man lost in a cave?
Jushak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:22:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, I'm think that is called The Cave. There is actually an audiovisual version of the story for android available for free, which was pretty interesting. It was better experience than I expected.
subito_lucres ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:35:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny, I was thinking it would be cool if someone covered Lovecraft.
MercuryCrest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah! Michael Crichton presents: The Re-Animator!
Love it.
unholy_abomination ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:56:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I'm weirdly fixated on how he would make it about interracial marriage...
angel_of_death369 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:40:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eldritch Park?
terskajuusto ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:01:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just had to do it
Thee_Nameless_One ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:32:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft presents: the Old Testament
rtwpsom2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:58:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy that for a dollar.
LibraryLass ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:30:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a Call of Cthulhu adventure like that I intend to run one day.
Loborin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:47:16 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kindof want to fight a T-Rex in Pathfinder.
Hell just give me a freakin Jurrsasic Park Campaign setting, helicopter ride in and everything.
HomonHymn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:16:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Poconos?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:35:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The dinosaurs were black and it was spoooky, OOOOOOOOOOH BOOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!!!
lemonl1m3 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:31:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm imagining Bloodborne with dinosaurs.
Sinikal12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DS2s imperfect dragons.
D_for_Diabetes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:42:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Stephen King.
unholy_abomination ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I'm weirdly fixated on how he would make it about interracial marriage...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Berserk?
ThalmorInquisitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:42:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That really wouldn't be too hard to be honest. Basically the only difference is that the dinosaurs wouldn't be the problem, but the growing paranoia about the dinosaurs would be the downfall.
ElSeban88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:26:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Resurrect Lovecraft and make this happen!
ZypherMyth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You may be disappointed by how much of an overt racist he is...
ElSeban88 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:16:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want him to write a story, not run for president. Chldd
epicsnail14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eldritch park. Big tentacled demons from the depths of hell are a lot worse than dinosaurs
linkenski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:29:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It ends right before the T-Rex gobbles down its first victim and the whole novella is the buildup of that "tall looming, organic creature behind the broken fence"
SourWolfAlpha1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES!!!!!!!
I_read_your_mind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic Park by Herman Melville or Joseph Conrad
zuppaiaia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god yesssssssssssssssssss
trelian5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh, that's a good one
dmanww ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Cronenberg
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NatureCthulhu finds a way?Reaps21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read this.
actuallybigfoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No shit, I can here to say the exact same thing. I'm actually incredibly pissed, but really satisfied that we're already a demographic.
GlumFundungo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Hammond - Reanimator
ZypherMyth ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:00:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I mean, I'm sure it'd be terrifying and awesome but there'd be a few awkward scenes in there where he writes about how black people are less evolved than white people and horribly racist stuff like that.
Maybe stick to some of the later Lovecraftian Mythos writers
BlackeeGreen ยท 9772 points ยท Posted at 03:29:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Mice and Fire by Brian Jacques
aggie1391 ยท 3821 points ยท Posted at 04:55:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversely, Redwall by George RR Martin. Although all the animal sex he'd undoubtedly include would get creepy as fuck.
tinytom08 ยท 1765 points ยท Posted at 06:21:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He wouldn't get to the animal sex, he'd get stuck writing about food.
zopiac ยท 1538 points ยท Posted at 06:42:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given how much I remember Strawberry Cordial and candied chestnuts about as much as I remember actual plot lines... I shudder to think about how many
pageschapters George would cover with table spreads.ZOMGROFLCOPTER ยท 513 points ยท Posted at 07:04:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pleased to hear I wasn't the only one transfixed by the banquets predominantly
Ryllynaow ยท 388 points ยท Posted at 07:20:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have never found anything that makes a mostly vegetarian diet sounds as good as the redwall series did.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 12:58:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meadow Cream pls.
gramathy ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 15:57:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seem to have misspelled Deeper'n'ever Turnip'n'tater'n'beetroot pie.
pwny_ ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 16:04:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good lord you hit me right in the childhood
The_Mesh ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 22:00:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In middle school, I did a book report/show and tell presentation in English on The Long Patrol, and my mom helped me bake chocolate and blueberry scones. I'm pretty sure people were laughing at me, but they shut up pretty quickly when they ate the scones.
Ryllynaow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:26:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was the first book of the series I read, for some reason.
keeperofcats ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:57:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It left me craving a fizzy cordial and specialty cheeses.
lvroomie ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 22:25:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there's a cookbook based off the redwall books you can purchase. it's amazing
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:06 on May 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I find myself seriously wanting to cook these. I don't know if they're possible, but they sound so good!
arashisenko ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 11:04:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaand now I have to go home and grab every damn Redwall book off my shelves and
eat...read them again.[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 10:32:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whay about weaponized scones and barrel boats!
westartedafire ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:57:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They boiled rats alive with porridge once, so that was a thing.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So is Miso soup essentially Rice porridge? Because miso and Sushi is excellent, except raw squid, no thanks. I don't think Rat would be good, esp without the giblets removed
McToculus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No- miso is not rice porridge
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, gotchax. Well i really like miso and would enjoy more 'stuff' with miso.
I_Has_A_Hat ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 13:39:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://theredwallcook.blogspot.com
Heres a site that has a bunch of recipies from the redwall series
dodo_gogo ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 10:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They had the best banquets
swizzler ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:09:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently they made a cartoon about it at some point as I learned from one of my cousins kids, then I made a feast joke and he didn't get it which makes me think they didn't stay true to the material.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. The show has the prayer to the fish meal pretty much verbatim.
ZOMGROFLCOPTER ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 21:23:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brian Jacques narrated most of the audiobooks, and his son plays a lot of the characters too. Actually, I DEFINITELY recommend the audiobooks if you're feeling reminicisent. They bring the story to life just brilliantly. They're not just about someone narrating a book; there are different voice actors, they sing the songs (!!) and I didn't feel like it spoiled or changed my rememberance or interpretation of the stories; if anything, they increased my love of them because many years later, they painted my memories with a more vivid brush. If you're a fan, please download them!
RadarLakeKosh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:29:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my experience, an author can only be said to have mastered his craft if he can make you hungry.
Playboi_Icardi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:59:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never have I been so jealous of a mouse
TastyBrainMeats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:58:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know, there's a cookbook...I reallly should try making deeper'n'ever pie.
poem_dandelion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:33 on October 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you might love this book
ZOMGROFLCOPTER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:09:00 on October 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐๐
Maccaisgod ยท 165 points ยท Posted at 07:50:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just so you know, Brian Jaques wrote those food scenes so detailed so that blind kids who were reading the books (through braille or audio book) could get the same amount out of it as non disabled kids, because it focused on tastes and smells and so on.
So the main reason for Jaques and his food obsession is that he loved to help the most vulnerable in society and he was a great man, but now we just make fun of him and he's a meme
Brian Jaques is one of if not the best thing out of Liverpool since the Beatles
GaySwans ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 09:08:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not making fun out of him - the food porn is one of the main reasons to read redwall.
ZOMGROFLCOPTER ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 21:16:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah. I'd be like fight scene, fight scene, betrayal, kidnapping....ah, here we are. COME THROUGH, SEASONDAY FEAST!
Ellikichi ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 13:02:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not the only reason, although it is one reason.
Brian Jacques said in interviews that war rationing was extremely tight when he was a child. He used to be so hungry that he would just read cookbooks for hours and imagine all of the nice food. That's why his novels go to great lengths describing how good all the food is.
michaelisnotginger ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:32:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When he was alive I heard him once read a chapter of the feasts in one of the Redwall books... I think it was Marlfox. Amazing.
nitrous2401 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 09:07:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I take no small amount of pleasure in telling this fact whenever someone mentions Brian Jacques and food, but you beat me to it lol.
Also, he used to read aloud to those blind kids, IIRC, which was why he was motivated to write such detailed descriptions of his own!
BlueTsunami109 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:18:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always wondered why the food descriptions were so long. This makes me appreciate the a lot more!
TastyBrainMeats ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:59:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like hell we're making fun of him. His writing was a gift to the world.
PupPop ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 09:51:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. Strawberry cordial. That brings back memories.
belbivfreeordie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:48:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deeper'n'Ever Turnip'n'Tater'n'Beetroot Pie for me, please
tinytom08 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:46:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god.... I can remember reading his latest book and there had been two fucking pages of food descriptions, and 2 and a half pages of titles.
leetdood_shadowban2 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:29:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ur bringing it all back. Those damn candied chestnuts.
srs_house ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:09:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the treacle! (I'm still not really sure what treacle is but it sounded good.)
la_bibliothecaire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:05:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's kind of like molasses.
ThorinWodenson ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:57:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Food descriptions are where Brian Jaqques and GRRM are practically the same person. I don't think GRRM's Redwall feasts would be significantly different.
deepfriedthings ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:15:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chesknutters!!!
Terza_Rima ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leek soup!
mrtomhimself ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:16:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the cheeses and pastries...I swear this is what stuck with me and turned me into the food loving fuck I am today.
Anghellik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:38:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And scones. Never forget the scones
WobNobbenstein ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:16:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meadowcream!
LogiCparty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:46:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't remember any of the food from the books. BUT I DID REMEMBER LOGALOG!!!!! or some such charge words.
mnbvcxzsdfghjkl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:11:45 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
EULALIA
shallowtl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:06 on June 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BLOOD AND VINEGAR
CoffeeAndKarma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you know that there's a "Food of Redwall" book out there? No joke.
zopiac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please tell me it's a cookbook.
CoffeeAndKarma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:56:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it in fact is.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does Reddit have a collection of Redwall recipes? All my books got donated and I want to make some of the stuff.
UwasaWaya ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 09:53:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... Redwall, then.
christurnbull ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:48:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pies, cakes and flans"
GaySwans ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:09:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
boilemmashemstickeminastew
tinytom08 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:45:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my!
HenrikDFTBA ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:48:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think GRRM would focus on the food that much, the only time I remember him talking at length about food is to make a contrast between the starving masses in kings landing and the upper class of lords. The reason redwell is so focused is much different.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:35:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*vittles
isrly_eder ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:18:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So just like Brian Jacques then
GeorgeOrrBinks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:51:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until he got to the Redwall Wedding.
chrispyb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:50:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fail to see how this would be different than the original?
tinytom08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that usually the same as the songs? different voice and tune, but overall the son remains untouched.
Reddit-or-Reddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd hope that the son remains untouched.
not-my-supervisor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:25:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read the first book when I was a kid, and the only thing I remember is scones.
Rayzor678 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:52:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He wouldn't get to the animal sex, he'd get stuck writing
about food.[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:17:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pork pie with big, roasted bits of crackling
TheApprentice472 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal sized boiled leather jerkins
ofthedappersort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:52 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
why did they talk so much about food? i champed like 10 of those books between the ages of 10 to 13 and never really thought about how much they talked about it till people mentioned it recently
tinytom08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:04 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Urrm, he has a fixation on food? honestly I've got no idea.
DoctorInsanomore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:21 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it me, or is there not even that much sex in the Asoiaf books? I'm halfway through the fourth one and judging by the way everybody's been raving about the sex, they seem fairly tame to me. But I agree, don't get the guy started on food... Also every character seems to have about three stomachs or something given as they consume like, four course meals by the boatload.
fre3k ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 06:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every furry's favorite new book.
Sobsz ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 06:49:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm.
Coldin228 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 06:53:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously Redwall was ruined for me when years later I learned it was my brother's gateway to furryism.
golfing_furry ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 07:23:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fairness to your brother, that's a pretty novel way of getting into the fandom
Jumbojet777 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:26:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayyy
RZRtv ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 08:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I'm blessed, read most of the entire Redwall series and I'm not a furry :')
Kittehlazor ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:09:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give it time...
foxmetropolis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:52:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And yet the winner here is your brother
Tal_Onarafel ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:56:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit that was the first series I ever read and now like 9 years later I'm a furry, well whaddya know.
yifftionary ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:22:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one
SpykePine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:58:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Between Redwall and Animorphs... Yeah, I was doomed.
Bachaddict ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let it be your own gateway ;)
Sobsz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*improved
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:35 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, don't knock it. We have a lot of fun. :3
CharlieVermin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:21:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could this be relevant?
Sobsz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:11:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaaaaaand another reason to never visit that website ever again.
Jumbojet777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It sure as heck would be!
Faerco ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 05:11:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also up there would be Eragon and subsequent sequels by George RR Martin
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 06:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Martin would have Eragon fuck his dragon.
TerrorBite ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 06:51:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure there's already slash fiction of that, and probably artwork as well.
Edit: so I looked, and there is, and there's ALSO Saphira/Toothless porn because of course that fucking exists.
inexplicability_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:21:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saphira is a girl dragon, it's not slash.
TerrorBite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought slash just referred to the
/symbol in the pairing, didn't realise it was specifically a gay pairing thing.inexplicability_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:26:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what you'd think but fan fiction is categorized by het (straight), slash (gay), or gen (no sex/romance)
Sobsz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You shouldn't be surprised, there's slash fiction of literally everything. I once Googled dirty material featuring a probably-not-adult dragon character from a cartoon you probably haven't heard of and it turned up 113k results. Granted, that's about 10 results in Google speak, but still.
TerrorBite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:53:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And now I'm curious.
Sobsz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cartoon's called Tabaluga and the universal keyword for smut is "r34". That's all you need to know.
Yes-I-am-a-Bot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:13:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So he'd make Drakengard : The Book?
86-75-30-69 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:37:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sequels wouldn't come until we're all dead.
DudeGuyBor ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:54:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess he's the one working on the script to the eragon movie sequel then? The one thing the producers and studio got right...
srs_house ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:14:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When it comes to Eragon, I still prefer the X-Play review of the game/book.
OThatSean ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:32:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
creepy but kinda adorable.
BlckMrkt ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:33:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm picturing some sweet interspecies erotica revolving around the arc involving Robert and all of his bastard children.
Warlock2017 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:20:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brings new meaning to "the long patrol"
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:09:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TBH George usually glosses over the sex.
Adventuringavacado ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:39:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck. I can just imagine Constance RIPPING PEOPLE TO SHREDS
Ngherappa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:34:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the internet. We call it furry friday.
RTsquanch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:11:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those are great books. I had forgotten the author. Thanks for the reminder!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:04:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I disagree.
Jimijam_Flimflam ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:20:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm thinking about giving Redwall a try. Would you recommend?
Finders-Weepers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:32:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go for it
Jumbojet777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:38:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty good. I'd recommend it.
dagbrown ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:05:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Redwall would at least have the benefit of not being nearly as racist as the original.
Diddu_Sumfin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:58 on September 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't be a "benefit", but a detraction.
Nammuabzu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:43:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah there really isn't as much sex in the books as there is in the TV series. What does that tell you
zarfytezz1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:13:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not creepy, awesome
golfing_furry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speak for yourself
altiuscitiusfortius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:42:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many fat pink masts, sticking out of thatches of straw like hair.
HeWentToJared91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And hed never get to writing the end of the book.
nasty_nate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, isn't a lot of the human sex creepy and weird in ASoIaF?
Ridry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leave him alone, he's not allowed any new projects right now!
Derpinha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, please don't. He's already on track to never finish books of his we are anxiously waiting for
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all my life ive met noone who has read redwall, i thought i was the only one...
clandevort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it is already pretty violent as it is
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really don't want to imagine how he'd handle Slagar the Slaver...
CoolTom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god GRRM writing redwall would be horrifying.
AttackOnTightPanties ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me chuckle while simultaneously ruining my childhood. Good game!
Mr_Lafar ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 05:17:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to reread some of these. Such good fantasy for me in elementary school.
J4k0b42 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:24:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really holds up well.
hamernaut ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:24:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All I care about now are the wonderful descriptions of the food.
J4k0b42 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 06:25:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those books made me get into homebrewing mead and cider.
pan0ramic ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:35:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm immediately craving candied acorns
PM_me_goat_gifs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 18:55:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had a problem in my marriage due because that book gave me unrealistic expectations of scones.
BlackeeGreen ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:35:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently the audiobooks are narrated by Jacques and the characters are a whole cast of voice actors including his son!
FameDV ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:07:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yessss. They're great! I didn't have the attention span as a kid for reading but I listened to those audiobooks countless times. Honestly it ruined audiobooks for me; if it isn't read by the actual author, with a full cast, what's the point?
(I'm joking of course. I know audiobooks can be great with just one narrator.) but man, it was especially useful, as a kid, to hear the accents of all the characters. I don't think i'd've been able to figure out what they sounded like just in my head.
la_bibliothecaire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:10:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're still into audiobooks (god knows I couldn't get through life without them), check out the recording of the His Dark Materials trilogy. It's narrated by Philip Pullman and a full cast and is awesome.
rockidol ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:59:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stopped because it seemed really repetitive, hell I remember a friend making redwall mad libs in high school
J4k0b42 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 06:00:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I wouldn't re-read them all but the high points like Mossflower, Bellmaker, Long Patrol and Taggerung are still really good.
SerFinbarr ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 08:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. His best are still really good. I'll throw in Outcast of Redwall and Salamandastron as must reads. Everything Badger and Hare focused was great.
minimaldrobe ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 09:47:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord Brocktree was so sick
shallowtl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:03 on June 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord Brocktree, Marlfox, and Taggerung were my favorites.
Sekh765 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:29:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Need some Pearls of Lutra in here. Revenge fueled Otter Rampage story. Hell yes.
tartansheep ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:43:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
seconding outcast of redwall!
shallowtl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:16:16 on June 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No love for Marlfox?
J4k0b42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:20 on June 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I remember that one too well.
Toast42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read the first book for the first time as an adult and it does not hold up at all. I've heard the others are better.
Karstaang ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:37:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently rereading the series at 26 and I am enjoying them much more as an adult! Worth the time, for sure. Currently on The Long Patrol!
fitzydog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite one off book is still Racketytam
septober32nd ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 04:58:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Redwall is pretty much this already. And it's AWESOME.
BlackeeGreen ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 05:00:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been dreaming about an open-world Redwall rpg ever since I was 12 years old.
It'll happen, one day.
slaaitch ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 05:17:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get your tabletop on.
tigerwolfe ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't mouse guard just mouses though? I need badgers and hares, and most importantly Skippers of Otters.
MRSN4P ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:11:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... House rules? Could use DnD racial templates as guidelines, for instance.
Sekh765 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:31:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, it's also appropriately sized for mice. eg - Badgers are Tarrasque esque super creatures that take entire armies to engage. As opposed to Redwall where they are Anthropomorphized into a more reasonable size.
BlackeeGreen ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:19:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dawg...
Thank you so much.
Loborin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:58:03 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TY for this, It looks very fun!
huckler ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:36:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about a very Redwall RTS?
BlackeeGreen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:37:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hells. Yes.
Rockburgh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:35:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's also Armello, an excellent digital board game that can in fact perhaps be best described as "Redwall meets Game of Thrones." Four adventurers fighting to take the throne of the corrupt and dying king.
Sekh765 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Armello is definitely the most Redwall game out there imo.
J4k0b42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh that looks excellent. Love the graphics.
NicCage420 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:37:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I come bearing the best of news.
pigi5 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:34:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Soma Games has been claiming they've been working on one for a while now. I've lost hope though.
Like_a_Zubat ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 10:04:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They still are! There's a forum for the Redwall series, and there's a Soma Games outreach account. They hosted an FAQ about the game on April 18. So at least it seems like it's still being worked on. Dunno if it'll be finished anytime soon, but it's a WIP.
I'm not going to link it because that forum is a delightful and innocent place and I don't wanna accidentally send waves of redditors at it. But a quick google search should bring it up.
They did offer an explanation as to why it's been taking so long, though:
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's more stealth with rpg elements but Ghost of a Tale is pretty sweet.
BlackeeGreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow. Yeah it looks really good!
beerncoffeebeans ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 04:36:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yessss would love that series with more feasts, the violence and death of lovable characters would actually oddly be about the same.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:28:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
gingerspeak ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:55:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first time I read that when his lady love got thrown against a wall and died I reread that section like 15 times because my little child brain Could. Not. Compute. What was happening.
CarpetsMatchDrapes ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:52:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a highly underrated author. Good on you sir
BlackeeGreen ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 05:55:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just reading through his bio... lots of fascinating stuff in there that I never knew:
CuriosityK ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 06:36:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His books were some of the first that really gave me the feeling that the world was real because he described not just a visual of the world, but smells, textures, and taste. I love his books!
CarpetsMatchDrapes ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that's fascinating. Thanks for sharing. I'm totally making a trip to the library tomorrow to rent Redwall again. It's been nearly 20 years since I have read it
TENTAtheSane ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:12:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The watchers on the redwall
ZombieBiologist ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 08:27:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Watch as literal crows. Ooh, that'd be cool. And Jon as a wolf (were they ever in Redwall?) joining the crows, always feeling outcast due to his species.
Then again that makes no sense, only crows can't be sentenced to the Wall. The Watch would then be their normal mix, with messenger crows being exactly the same, only sentient and able to speak their messages. Dude, I want this.
Jetbooster ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:35:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Badgers were the largest animals in the redwall universe, afaik
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:07:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a lynx once but he was a very special rarity
SamuraiKatz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:10:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was also a wolverine once iirc, but I suppose that's just an angry badger on roids.
Sekh765 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:34:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because they are the largest animals naturally found in the UK iirc. Brian Jacques based the entire ecology of Redwall on the UK, which is why you don't see lots of animals you might have expected to see. It was odd for me as someone from the USA to not see some "common" animals as a kid.
Jetbooster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have deer here though, never mentioned as far as I'm aware.
Sekh765 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:15:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think he could find a way to work them into the plot. I remember it being mentioned before. All the other animals are UK animals with some exceptions for "exotic" creatures that were either imported or related to some of the places they visit, like the Monitor Lizards in Pearls of Lutra.
Those animals were usually one offs for either a single story, or individuals that arrived from far away and were the only one of their kind.
moltenshrimp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:54 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if you know but the ravens.
swelljimmy ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 07:28:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yes, out of all '24 million copies sold worldwide', this is the first I've heard in years of anyone else reading that series. Asmodeus was a stone cold badass.
WillemDafuq_ ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 08:06:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cluny the Scourge
Valcador ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:04:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tsarmina Greeneyes.
BackInAsulon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:21:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ungat Trunn could take all of those punks (except maybe Cluny)
Zeppelinman1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:43:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Badrang!
kingofwater9891 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 07:19:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Song of Mice and
FireFriar by Brian Jacquesbicyclegeek ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 03:37:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted. And have some gold. Because holy shit I LOL'ed way too hard at this.
BlackeeGreen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:46:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! Thanks man :)
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:34:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get my undying love for name-dropping my favorite author ever.
anw817 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:27:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing. I can't wait to read about the cheeses and strawberry cordial.
mantanis ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:33:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loooooooved the entire redwall series in 4 th grade I still have all the books
Borne2Run ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:02:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy this
ClintonLewinsky ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:08:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I miss reading Redwall:(
emberyfox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:58:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This, this, 1000x this.
mayoroftuesday ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:48:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paging r/eulalia
poopsicle88 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:06:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to read a Harry Potter by George rr Martin
ErwinAckerman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:16:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
KingTalis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:07:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds amazing.
Angel_Hunter_D ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:40:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, like Lord Salamandastron but better?
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:02:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I'm not sure much would change. Slightly more elderflower cordial and the nipples would become implicit.
yifftionary ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds good to me!
kecoisking ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:45:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did not think I would see a Redwall reference here, holy shit
CarrionCandy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:12:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely. Honestly some of the character deaths in Jacques' books are right up there on the shocking violence or onion cutting scale. Some of the villain deaths are downright gross and some of the heroic deaths still get me choked up to this day.
TheGiggleWizard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be more looking for A Song of Mice and Men, by GRRM
itsableeder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:45:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know I wante this, but I want this.
Scarletfapper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:03:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean Of Mice and Fire, by John Steinbeck.
jaymstone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh please
GaySwans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG YES!
dodo_gogo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omgness
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, that would be so much fun to read!
cerem86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I did not know I needed this in my life until now.
Flandardly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:00:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/WritingPrompts
Qwertyjuggs ยท -21 points ยท Posted at 06:33:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok game of thrones is now PG and instead of people it's rodents. Not very imaginative.
Kuido ยท 435 points ยท Posted at 03:00:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's lengthy descriptions of Hogwarts feasts
Dragonsinger16 ยท 259 points ยท Posted at 03:35:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So feasts from Ron's pov lol
Sisaac ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 05:16:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much grease running down chins.
LeKa34 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 09:13:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd probably get stuck writing The Half-Blood Prince though.
Sorry George...
fireball_73 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 10:47:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. K. Rowling just seemed to emphasise how much toast Harry & Co ate .
Leohond15 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 12:13:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair I've had friends visit from the U.K. (To US) and complain that we don't eat enough toast.
Emerald__Sword ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:42:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there would be far more deaths then.
TheLast_Centurion ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 18:15:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably yeah. Imagine the troll scene in first book. Someone would surely be on the toilet and in the tower, some unlucky kids and elder students trying to take him out who didnยดt make it.
in Second year some kids might start to disappear at night due to Basiliskยดs feeding and some would become statues and some would be frozen cause they did not see the snake directly. Also some Harryยดs and Ronยดs friends would go with them to Aragog where baby spiders would eat them or at least catch them as in the Hobbit movies.
Third year would be really crazy. Some deaths by Dementors and too much time travel stuff which would be connected to first and last book.
Fourth year with the Tournament would be also a mess, bloodbath Tournament it would be nicknamed and only a few would survive. And there would be a much more dueling as well. Even among kids who would be bullied in the dormatories and sometimes fought on the halls.
Fifth year is a year where Voldemort got back, Order was established and there are secret things happening.
Sixth year is mostly about Voldyยดs past and then great fight in the end with Dumbledore being killed and beheaded and thrown from the tower. His head they would carry as a price.
Year seven, big hunt for the trio also some paradox from year three will turn out and shake the things up.
Also horcruxes would be hinted in like.. chapter one of book one.
Xisuthrus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:23:07 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be way more emphasis on the Pureblood families and their marriage habits.
foolanyfriend ยท 623 points ยท Posted at 02:27:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For pure ridiculousness, I'd kill to see how Jane Austen would tackle something like 50 Shades of Grey
[deleted] ยท 465 points ยท Posted at 03:27:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As much as it pains me to say it, I don't think that's such a far stretch.
Mr. Grey flashed me the whip handle from the belt of his uniform and grinned. "Won't you join me in the gaming room, Ms. Steele?
The nerve! "Heavens, no. That would be terribly improprietous, Mr. Grey, and I intend to maintain my ladyhood."
"Very well, my lady. I shall call on you again, when you are feeling less proprietous and more inclined to adventure," Mr Grey smirked, sending a flush through my cheeks!
I would feel no such thing! Why must Mr. Grey infuriate and excite me so?
ratsta ยท 88 points ยท Posted at 04:32:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure there'd also be entire chapters of the Steele girls sitting around gossiping/bitching about various suitors as well.
[deleted] ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 03:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This somehow sounds more interesting than anything that I've heard about Jane Austen or 50 Shades of Grey.
keeperofcats ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:19:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still want to read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
Anfrax ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:33:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't tolerate Pride and Prejudice, so I naively went into this book thinking it would be much more palatable. But, no luck--I couldn't tolerate Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, either. Significant parts of the book remain intact, or only cosmetically different: there's still a lot of gossip, etiquette, and relationship drama that bored me. If you enjoy that sort of writing, you'll likely be fine with either version. If you didn't like the original, however, then the addition of zombies and ninja backstories to the plot won't actually do all that much to enhance the base content. I myself found that I was mildly amused by these sections, but bored to tears by the rest. I was about a third of the way through P&P&Z when I asked myself why I was pretending I wouldn't rather be reading a Max Brooks novel, like World War Z. Then I went and read World War Z and had a generally more enjoyable experience.
keeperofcats ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can see that. Have you read Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Slayer? That was a fun read!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:55:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same
BecauseTyrion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:22:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch the film with Lily James and Sam Riley, it's pure gold. I love Pride and Prejudice and I was sceptical, but it just works. Also check out the Lizzie Bennet Diaries if you fancy a more palatable/relatable version of the original novel
Corund ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 18:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune is in want of a hand on his cock.
shiamonkey ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:52:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that the reason why we read the Bronte sisters?
srs_house ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:41:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"read" the Bronte sisters
My AP English class got in trouble because we all admitted to just reading the spark notes instead of the actual book for Jane Eyre, since none of us could stay interested enough to get past the third chapter. Even the prim and proper, everything according to the rules girl gave up on it.
normalnarmol ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:03:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved Jane Eyre. Stayed up all night reading it. Austen on the other hand... Never been able to finish a single one.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
normalnarmol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:33:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oohhh! That's a great idea! I've been getting into audible recently bc I get so motion sick if I try to read on public transit, so I'll add that to my list. Thanks!
Astroworld2017 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:04:28 on September 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't blame you. Pride and Prejudice has gotta be one of the most overrated novels in the canon
Corund ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your AP English class is weak as shit. Austen is great.
srs_house ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 20:00:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Austin is great, we didn't have trouble with P&P. It was Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre that was the slog.
Corund ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 20:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's cool, I am really drunk.
invertedearth ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:31:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are, of course, aware of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, are you not?
mercedene1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:25:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100% would read that
jackthefiction ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
good one. and actually speaking of jฤฑst for fun 50 shades of grey is the perfect cover book i guess. flaubert, balzac or even tolstoy. name it. ridiculousness ensues
invisiblequiet ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:23:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best 'opposites' idea in this thread. Based on the other replies to you, TIL nobody on Reddit has read Austen.
dispatch134711 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:34:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean I have, but covers are suppose to obey the laws of time, imo
[deleted] ยท 3514 points ยท Posted at 03:19:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tao Te Ching - George carlin
"Knowing who is a fucking moron is intelligence; knowing that you aren't a fucking moron is true wisdom."
"Those who know how life works do not speak. Those who speak are often corn-hole eating mouth breathers that deserve to be tossed into a volcano."
"A man with outward courage dares to die like a fucking idiot; a man with inner courage dares to live and watch that arrogant asshole get blown to smithereens.โ
"The wise man is one who knows that he still has to wipe his own ass like everyone else.โ
phantomaxwell ยท 697 points ยท Posted at 05:38:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I can look North, West, South, and East and do nothing cause I don't fucking care where I am."
"Be careful around a river in the winter, by keeping your ass warm inside your house."
"Motivation is the cause of people's mischiefs. It's the motivated people that are ones causing all the problems. Look at lazy and unmotivated people and tell me what trouble they cause."
"If you know where your bed is you have half your day planned already."
the78thdude ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 08:09:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is the third one just a George Carlin quote? Lol
RedEyeView ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 12:48:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Motivation is. Sans "show me a guy who is laying around watching game shows and stroking his penis and I'll show you a guy who isn't causing any fucking problems"
dbrank ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 12:01:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's very close to this, one of my favorite bits by him
thatissomeBS ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:40:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think they all might be but I don't know enough about Carlin to confirm.
dansdata ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 09:38:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, you will be beaten with heavy clubs and left bleeding in the moonlight."
[deleted] ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 08:25:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude yes.
I once found a gangster Tao te Ching online, it was dope
But this would be fantastic
JawsyMotor ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know where I could find this gangster Tao te Ching? I googled it without success.
laxt ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:07:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As sacrilege it might be for me to suggest this (and I only do so out of jest), Sun Tzu's "Art of War" is heavily influenced by Taoism and is written in much of the same manner as the Tao Te Ching.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:10:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I guess "gangster" isn't he right word - it was a vague memory from well over a year ago. Anyway I'm pretty sure this is it http://www.beatrice.com/TAO.pdf
It's just "loose" I would say
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:08:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last one made me realize that mitch hedburg doing zen koans would be hilarious.
ThaneduFife ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:54:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"If you think you can take over the universe and make it better, then you're a fucking asshole. Shit like that is how world wars get started."
SirSkidMark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know I needed this in my life.
Jushak ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 09:39:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"There two things in life: stuff and shit. Your shit is stuff, other people's stuff is shit. True path to enlightenment is to never take shit from people and making sure your stuff doesn't go to shit.
Edit: In the off-chance that there are actually people who haven't seen it, here's the inspiration.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:49:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's fucking beautiful
ThePyrebring3r ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:21:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I nevee realized that I needed something as badly as this
mistercynical1 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:45:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES
Such a shame he died. I would have loved to see Carlin talk about today's issues. Or write more books like ths one you suggested.
Infobomb ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 10:25:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, it's been over two and a half thousand years.
Oh, you mean him
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:57:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carlin was brilliant. I'm happy he got to rest before he saw how bad things were to become. I could tell the Bush years were a heavy burden for him.
Man_eatah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:52 on June 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he enjoyed it. It made him happy to interpret such things.
eimat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:56:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh - that's what we should call a new subreddit. (Or something that means that.) 'Carlin's Wisdom from Beyond' , or 'Carlin's words from the grave' or something like that. Anyone here do a passable Carlin imitation?
mistercynical1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if you look at my username, you'll see that I'm a cynical bastard, so I'm in. Do it!
laxt ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well pretty much everything he said still applies today. But I think I see what you're saying; how he would react to the clusterfuck from the 2016 election and the aftermath that we're dealing with now. Including the Russian stuff. He'd have plenty to work with.
MRSN4P ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:17:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is a Kevin Smith movie that should be made.
oneof7000 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:02:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"And remember, this is Mister Conductor - I know what I'm talking about."
Embersinmypits ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:08:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read this in one sitting.
NihilistKurtWarner ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:36:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read it with my coffee every morning for a year
lutgholein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It probably won't take you very long. The Dao De Jing is very concise.
AliceCoopersLiver ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:17:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need more upvotes.
Tardigrade_Bioglass ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:03:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you as much as I love Carlin. If I bought Reddit gold this is where I'd use it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Luv u too bb
GoofyMcCoy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Magnificent.
preorder_me ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:38:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should write this. I would buy a coffee table book of this.
namtab00 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:07:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it could surpass that coffee table book about coffee tables..
iWintermutes ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:32:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has to be the most underrated comment in the history of underrated comments
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:36:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GIVE ME GOLD BABY
Jk but thx. It's an idea I've been working with actually
eimat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:50:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG this totally needs it's own sub. Brilliant.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:16:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahahahahahhaahaha
daraand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant
enken90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god this could totally be a book
IronedSandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:53 on July 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no!! i will NOT wipe my ass
passerby5 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 08:55:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tao Te Ching is the book, which is written by Lao Zi. Actually you may be thinking about Confucius or Mencius.
edit: Sorry got confused for a moment. My bad. This post will stay so the response below makes sense.
preorder_me ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:38:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The point of the thread is to choose a book and give it a different author.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol I know
couching5000 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 10:08:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like iamverysmart - the book.
Mister_Bacon ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 09:44:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgy.
Whit3y ยท 6460 points ยท Posted at 02:39:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catcher in the rye, by Hunter S Thompson
Seganeverdrive ยท 3183 points ยท Posted at 04:17:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Fucking phonies"
ImAtTheWrongTrack ยท 223 points ยท Posted at 05:05:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Fucking phonies"
Dunhill
Chivas
Champagne
Cocaine
Dunhill
Uppers
Dunhill
Downers
Dunhill
Heineken
Cheeseburger
Cocaine
Milkshake
Dunhill
20 tabs of acid
Dunhill
Chivas
Mescaline
Dunhill
Cocaine
Cocaine
Cocaine
Dunhill
Dunhill
Dunhill
Dunhill
Dunhill
Benzos
Dunhill
Synthetic Amazonian Toad Poison
Chivas
Cocaine
Dunhill
Dunhill
Dunhill
FTFY
PinkoBastard ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 06:35:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds closer to the truth.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 07:30:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://mentalfloss.com/article/33487/hunter-s-thompsons-daily-routine
mrrowr ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 08:12:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember reading that this is made up
Newbdesigner ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:04:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter embellished everything. That's what made him so entertaining and a shitty jounalist.
munk_e_man ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 11:37:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What are you talking about, he was an exemplary journalist. He may not have been your typical article in a newspaper sort of guy, but his coverage of many events are incredibly in depth.
He provides a perspective through a lens that most of us don't get to experience, but can relate to. His analysis is also incredibly spot on, with things like his wave speech and his piece on 9/11 are not only insightful, but also borderline prophetic.
bloodstreamcity ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 13:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. My favorite quote about Hunter is this:
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:48:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only thing I've read by Thompson is his article about the Kentucky Derby. Apparently he made up a lot of it, which doesn't seem like good journalism. It is entertaining though.
I think if he was around today he would get shit for doing stuff like that. I can't speak to him as a journalist as a whole though, so I won't.
Kugelblitz60 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 19:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He lived next door to a friend of mine's aunt. He would get all annoyed and put his lights out. With a pistol. Then he would appear on her doorstep, drunk, with said pistol to talk about anything. He was interesting. He also had a flamethrower on his back deck. For reasons.
uniltiranyutsamsiyu ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:20:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clearly you've not read his work, then.
whirlpool138 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:18:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was a great journalist. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 72' is one of the best political books of all time. It's still taught in universities around the US as an example of the 1960's political turmoil. There is more truth in that book then anything else you will read about the 68-72 Presidential campaigns.
munk_e_man ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:21:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're missing the oranges and grapefruits.
bigmeech85 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:09:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot the Wild Turkey
Taphophile ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:40:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, no ether?
willclerkforfood ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:08:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So more of a novella... or short pamphlet.
Civil_Barbarian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:15:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I read Catcher in the Rye, that's how I thought it would end.
MasterBaser ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:40:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, I wish it did end that way. Mostly because the main character in insufferable.
hilarymeggin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐
[deleted] ยท -36 points ยท Posted at 06:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
KagsTheOneAndOnly ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but why
Marenum ยท 1028 points ยท Posted at 04:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much anything by Thompson. I'd love to hear his Harry Potter. "We were somewhere near Hogwarts on the edge of the enchanted forest when the drugs began to take hold."
[deleted] ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 07:33:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We can't stop here....this is spider country.
nocorelyt ยท 150 points ยท Posted at 13:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โWe had two bags of Chocolate Frogs, seventy-five Fizzing Whizzbees, five packs of Cockroach Cluster, a salt-shaker half-full of Glacial Snow Flakes, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored Puking Pastilles, Pumpkin Pasties, Nosebleed Nougats, Acid Pops โฆand also a quart of firewhiskey, a quart of mulled mead, a case of butterbeer, a pint of raw gigglewater, and two dozen Sugar Quills.
Not that we needed all that for our trip into the Forbidden Forest, but once you get locked into a serious sweets collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.โ
Marenum ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 14:01:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's perfect. Man, maybe we should just fan-fic this thing.
FancyCrabHats ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 00:17:53 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a wizard in the depths of a gigglewater binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
Toromak ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 06:23:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forbidden Forest on mescaline
Rizzpooch ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:57:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then all of a sudden there was a huge swarm of enormous bats swooping and diving around the car
Honestly, you could crib whole paragraphs from Fear and Loathing to insert and most people would roll with it
DuplexFields ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 06:30:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hello_Zech ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 14:50:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We can't stop here, this is dementor country!
NostrilsFullOfSemen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 17:18:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would probably be a long, meandering political piece told in a first person style, as a student from hogwarts who is sick and tired of all the bullshit teachers and politicians within the ministry, while also trying to get as wild as possible on experimental spells that nearly kill him and everyone around him every time. Some of it may be fictional, but some of it may actually contain a few nuggets of raw truth, laid out in a fashion that horrifies us all.
GenocidalGoddess ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:26:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha I got too excited about this. That would be so entertaining.
jim_jones_kool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:57:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came to say this ha
luzzy91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha
Bravoflysociety ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 04:18:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the funniest, but probably would be legitimately the best.
cosmicartery ยท 171 points ยท Posted at 03:22:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Entitled Gonzo in the Rye.
[deleted] ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 04:08:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
dirkdragonslayer ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure we are talking about the same Gonzo...
DuplexFields ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:30:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my headcanon, Gonzo is Hunter S. Thompson, and Gonzo's species reproduces asexually through distribution of hallucinogenic mutagens to unsuspecting sapient species.
UNC_Samurai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:02:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Were you somewhere around Barstow when this headcanon took hold?
DuplexFields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but I was preparing to make a left turn in Albuquerque.
flashcre8or ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:39:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"We can't stop here, this is phony country"
Holden tries to get away from everything for a day, but somehow ends up stranded in NYC on a week-long psychedelic drug binge where he comes to the realization that being a phony is part of the inescapable nature of growing up
WearTheFourFeathers ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 03:16:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would've probably been more interested in Holden if he spent less time whining and more spraying mace in people's faces.
stellarbeing ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 03:54:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And he would have had a suitcase full of remedies for his whiskey dick.
Magnumnumnum ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 05:08:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't have whiskey dick. He was extremely depressed / lonely because his brother died so he hired a prostitute to talk to her.
Thekaragg ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 07:21:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the depressed part is why so many think he is so dislikable. Because of his depression he feels like nothing matters and nothing feels genuine to him. I read it not long after getting out of a depression and could immediately identify the feelings.
andero ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:40:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might like "Less Than Zero" by Bret Easton Ellis.
LessLikeYou ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:36:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โWhere are we going?" I asked
"I don't know," he said. "Just driving."
"But this road doesn't go anywhere," I told him.
"That doesn't matter."
"What does?" I asked, after a little while.
"Just that we're on it, dude," he said.โ
vagimuncher ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:22:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing really some good responses here. Thanks OP for this question.
louisianajake ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:35:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Yea, I got my ass kicked by a pimp but, hey, everything sucks."
OneSmoothCactus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:00:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is legit the first one here I know I would immediately read the shit out of
Watawkichaw ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:16:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny you should mention this, because Thompson said in interviews that he copied 'The Great Gatsby' word-for-word, multiple times.
http://althouse.blogspot.com/2011/11/you-know-hunter-s-thompson-typed-great.html
B0h1c4 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:50:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to say 'Catcher in the Rye', but I didn't have a particular author in mind. Hunter S Thompson would be awesome!
My original thinking though was to have a younger author with a more modern twist on the same story. I feel like the lives of today's youths are so much different than to they were back then. It might be interesting to see a modern twist on it.
LowKeyRatchet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:02:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternate title: Fear and Loathing in the Rye. That pretty much sums up what Catcher is about.
TommekeTommeke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say: Catcher in the rye, By Murakami ;-)
But I'd like to read "On The Road" by Hunter S Thompson, though :-)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:02:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out Charles Bukowski's take on it.
shawnisboring ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:43:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might enjoy that obnoxious self-absorbed asshat if he was on an ether binge floating around the city.
Welshyone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:32:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was going to say catcher covered by Irvine Welsh.
FauxPastel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:23:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My enjoyment of that would be directly proportional to my hate for the original.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:46:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, Hunter was kinda a Holden that never really grew up and made a career out of it.
Vkmies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:00:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hogwarts is Decadent and Depraved
TempleMade_MeBroke ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:45:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, fuck the hell yes
CarpetsMatchDrapes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I hate catcher in the rye but would love to read it from thompson
hypmoden ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:36:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
then it would have been interesting
tiperschapman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be so great.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! This would be incredible
Azusanga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know that I needed this until I read this, thank you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:22:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No more of that talk, Caulfield. Caulfielllld, I'll put the leeches on you.
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I'd love to see is Don Quixote by Hunter S. Thompson
maggotshavecoocoons2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same setting, but he spends the whole time saying how clever he is for doing drugs.
AZNman1111 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:53:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure which of Thompson's works you're referencing, but if the only thing you got from it was him patting himself on the back for you doing drugs, then I feel confident saying:
"You missed the point."
GarnetAmethystPearl ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:42:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The reference is about Catcher in the Rye. They're implying that Thompson would act like Holden Caulfield.
AZNman1111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:47:37 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit. My bad.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would make that book bearable to read.
sunshinemeow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely, it was painful to read it. That is what I remember about it besides hating the main character.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:07:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The way he spoke irritated me most, also his general attitude. The book annoyed me. Which I guess means it is good writing since it provoked emotion.
jonhasglasses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should be higher up.
BearEater ยท 4062 points ยท Posted at 01:16:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon presents Eat, Pray, Love
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 796 points ยท Posted at 01:28:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My god, it'd be beautiful.
KagsTheOneAndOnly ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 06:18:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
alright I'll bite... who in the world is Thomas Pynchon and why is he a badass?
smokeyhawthorne ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 06:36:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For context - Pynchon's seminal novel includes a scene where a woman erotically defecates in the mouth of her Nazi lover. At least, I think that's what happened, I left that novel more confused that when I started.
This crossover is still an excellent idea.
KagsTheOneAndOnly ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 06:41:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my. well, imo, Eat, Pray, Love can only be improved by the inclusion of a scene of such literary magnificence
TheGeckoGeek ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 10:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lover mentioned above is actually a British brigadier who's being "rewarded" with extreme BDSM to keep him compliant by a deranged scientist conducting ethically dubious wartime experiments with government funding.
The novel also includes long hallucinations, a detailed description of a massive orgy, Nazi threesomes themed around Hansel and Gretel which involve a man in drag wearing a plastic vagina covered in razors, secret messages from the government which can only be revealed by ejaculating on them, a porn actress going around murdering children, a psychic woman imagining a lesbian elephant sixty-nine (???), someone being drowned in a bathtub of semolina pudding, castration, seances, an octopus trained to kill people, and a man who's tasked by the government to go into people's imaginations and deal with their psychological hang ups. I'm sure I'm missing some stuff.
Oh, and the plot of the novel also revolves around a man who goes around having sex with European women and every time he does, a V2 rocket obliterates the site within a week. This man is then hunted by the Allied powers after the war is over.
DrBuckMulligan ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 11:11:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UM EXCUSE ME! You cannot just ignore Byron, the sentient lightbulb from all this! Come on now!
TheGeckoGeek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:29:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Byron the bulb was probably my least favourite bit of the book, apart from maybe the whole Slothrop Racketenstadt thing.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:33:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like erotic fiction done by Joseph Heller.
TheGeckoGeek ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 12:04:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or a horror sex comedy done by James Joyce if he had a degree in aerodynamics.
gramathy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:56:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's just a fish dream.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:54:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
slothtrop6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:28:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots to say about V, certainly..
flaiman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:46:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've only read two books by him, which is the title of this you know for science...
turningsteel ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:55:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be Gravity 's Rainbow. But be warned, it's not an easy read. It sits on my shelf half finished. Though after that wonderful summary above, maybe I'll start from the beginning and give it another try.
slothtrop6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:27:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happened to me. On my second attempt I thoroughly enjoyed it and completed it, moved on to his other books. Mind you I was probably 21 when I first tried.
TheGeckoGeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gravity's Rainbow. Which have you read?
flaiman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:52:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The crying of lot 49 and half of Inherent Vice after I watched the movie.
TheGeckoGeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started with those and did Gravity's next. Inherent Vice is the perfect balance of Pynchon and "normal", imo, but I guess it didn't float your goat?
flaiman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was not in the right mindset. I feel his books require all of your attention I was in the mood for something lighter, I'll pick it up again at some point.
PM_ME_YOUR_NACHOS ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 06:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat, Heil, Love?
Tinfoilpain ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 10:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat Shit, Love
NO_LAH_WHERE_GOT ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:34:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We have a winner
isStreisandSafe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:34:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the woman shitting in the nazis mouth is from the north of the UK . Got it.
Kingslow44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easily the most wonderfully confusing book I've ever read.
nzabran ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 06:51:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pynchon is dense as fuck. He does more with fewer words than anyone since Hemmingway. Giving a contrived emotionally heavy novel to an author who obliterates sentimentality with absurd depth would be an exercise to behold.
turningsteel ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 10:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean more with more words i think. I definitely would not describe Pynchon as a laconic writer.
wtb2612 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 10:16:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
busty_cannibal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:36:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.academia.edu/11293529/Thomas_Pynchon_High_Theory_and_the_Legacy_of_the_Long_Sixties
sillybrothrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:56:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The most confusing author I have ever attempted. I doubt I will ever pick up Gravity's Rainbow again.
[deleted] ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 09:04:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's not, he's shit. Wordy blathering that people think is "deep" because they don't make a hell of a lot of sense.
milllerdude ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah he's pretty good mate.
ishkariot ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:11:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't read a single word of Pynchon so I don't know if this applies to him but there are a few hack writers out there that try to pass off obfuscating and convoluted language as deep and meaningful.
No, you're not too smart for your readers you just suck at communicating.
nalydpsycho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pynchon is the writer they aspire to be.
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. You know when you're a smartarse 5th year and you think you know it all so you stick the longest words you can find into everything you write just to show your English teacher how much you know? It's like that, only worse because you're old enough to know better.
busty_cannibal ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 16:42:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't read him, why are you responding? "i don't know this guy, but here's a couple assholes I could compare him to"
ishkariot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:39:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, bear with me here, maybe it could also be interpreted as "I don't know if it truly applies to this specific writer but it's definitely a problem with some writers so it sounds plausible".
Whatever happened to just making conversation with a related comment?
flaiman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:48:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't know if it is true I admit it is confusing specially when English is not your first language, I know I enjoyed PTA's adaptation of Inherent Vice a lot.
busty_cannibal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you go around telling everyone the author is shit every time you don't understand the reading maretial, maybe stick to simpler books. Pynchon is not that hard to understand, and there are plenty of resources to help you if you still don't get what you're reading.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's nothing to understand. It's word salad. It reads like it was written by a stroke victim.
Pithy_Lichen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:39:56 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Word salad? Nah, I think it's just much closer to poetry than most lit I've read. Someone compared it to spoken word which I thought was interesting. I just finished GR yesterday and I understood about 30% of it, but I don't think that's because the other 70% was unintelligible gibberish.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:51:41 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a good point actually; maybe it's more readable if you read it aloud.
discountErasmus ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 08:24:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Neapolitan sun washes out all colors: the bistro awnings, the pastel of the Vespas wiggling through the crowd, the old men's four-color tabloids. Liz "Coyote" Gilbert is reclining on an iron bistro chair, drooling with hunger. Her unshaded legs are whiter than anything the piazza has seen since the days of the Greeks, their doped-up Oracle's prophecy of an undreamt-of albedo come to fruition in a blinding meter between skirt and sandal.ย
She's jettisoned anything that could keep her from this moment. Husband, family, possessions cast aside in a rush along her inevitable trajectory. But, what's this? Coyote whips up her nose, suddenly alert. The scent of anchovy wafts into the crowd, sending Ms. Gilbert into a feigned swoon.ย
Three waiters approach, struggling to carry the largest pizza Coyote's ever seen. The wrought iron table can barely hold its weight; seagulls start to gather. The pizza is adorned with octopus, sausage of unknown origin, anchovies (some of whom are so fresh they are still struggling against the cheese), mounds of gorgonzola, a thousand-year egg direct from the orient, clams of dubious vintage, and, as a concession to Ms. Gilbert's nationality, great discs of pepperoni exuding grease and gleaming in the sun.ย
The trickle of drool from Coyote's mouth has become a stream. Her legs are trembling and she gazes into the pie with a look uncomfortably like lust. There is no room in her for anything but the approaching communion. She reaches and bends her body towards the pizza and -- whoops! -- tumbles head first into the cheese.ย
She easily pierces through the mozzarella, thick strings trailing from her limbs. Octopuses sink with her into the crimson sauce; reinvigorated anchovies wander about. Panicked, Coyote flails, sinking crustward and inhaling a great gulp of sauce. She's shocked to find that she can breathe. Is this some kind of Pizza-yoga?
Settling on the crust, Coyote spots a huge circle of pepperoni, myriad flecks of fat and spices patterning its face. Crossing her legs, she contemplates each one, losing all thought in the grease and the flesh. The world ceases to be; all becomes Liz. Anchovies, octopuses, and clams gather to witness the consummation of Liz Gilbert's romance with herself.
Just then, the crust starts to rise, a few bits of meat attaching themselves to the tumescence. Are those... legs? A sausage makes its way to the nascent body as Liz starts to eye with naked hunger what's looking more and more like a man. The dough of his body has become well defined bicep and deltoid; there's definitely some transubstantion going on here. Comedite hoc est corpus meum, don't mind if I do.
When the golem is finished, fine mozzarella hair framing his perfect features, Coyote can no longer restrain herself. She embraces him, nibbling at his ears, his throat, his cheek. Sauce racing through his veins, he throws his arms around her as her mouth and teeth explore his body. She shudders as he enters her; biting down on his shoulder, Coyote's never felt so full.ย
She can't stop herself; she devours spiced flesh and crusty bones alike, until with one last kiss her love is a delicious memory. Left in the crust below is a gap through which the sauce is slowly leaking. Freedom! Coyote wiggles her way out into the Naples afternoon, cheesy and sauce-sodden, but serene with satiety.
discountErasmus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:29:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, this has problems still, but it's late and will edit tomorrow.
TheGeckoGeek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:15:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking excellent.
prismmonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:26:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing.
[deleted] ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 02:41:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon takes on Finnegan's Wake -- and you thought it was difficult before!
vaipandotcom ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 03:29:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Pynchon would give it clarity.
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And only at the cost of doubling the length.
iamagainstit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:34:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is kinda realivent https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/famous-authors-write-pieces-about-famous-authors-writing-about-modern-things
debatesmith ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:27:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I don't feel like killing myself trying to read a book. Thanks though lol
xarlev ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:39:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really want to know what Pynchonian thunderwords would be like
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bababadalgharaghtak(well and didn't you know the Kenosha kid) amminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntro(those days at Peenemรผnde)varrhounawnskawntoo(seeing Bianca once again and Slothrop just can't-)hoohoordenenthurnuk!
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:19:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An eating comes across the Tuscan sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.
fks_gvn ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:34:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just when I'd forgotten that part of Gravity's Rainbow
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:17:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
open wide, general!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:28:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheGeckoGeek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:13:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then forgot to take it and died...
acquabob ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:24:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat: a journey of one man trying to find a mystical dish whose name begins with a V.
Pray: a journey of one man wishing his predilection for sex and rockets would go away!
Love: I'm not really sure that Pynchon understands love, but...: a woman named Rachel falls in love with her car, but when a fat young guy named Benny shows up, who will she pick? Find out!
spingus ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 07:41:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whoa, I had never heard of him before but after visiting his wiki page I feel he is my literary spirit animal and i must go forth and read his novels!
Perry0485 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 10:00:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are very difficult but also very rewarding. I'd suggest to start with either "Inherent Vice", "Vineland" or "The Crying of Lot 49".
tomdarch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:13:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! The shorter books are really cool in their own ways. Also, just keep going. There can be a lot of characters and names, but don't freak out if you don't feel like you're following everything 100%. The Crying of Lot 49 has something like a plot and Vineland has a decent about of 'pop culture' - at some point I started thinking of it as a crazy made-for-TV-special .
(But the long stuff like Gravity's Rainbow? Amazing, but they seriously screw with my head when I read them.)
spingus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thank you!
Atheist_Republican ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:23:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jonathan Swift presents Eat, Pray, Love
TryinaD ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:58:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tl:dr of the book:
uprightbaseball ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:02:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are in eat. Pray. Love. Fuck the War.
PolarisDiB ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:54:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's funny, I was immediately thinking that Gravity's Rainbow should have been covered by someone of a supremely different style, like Italo Calvino or Shirley Jackson, or if you wanted it to be distressing and sad a lesser-known author like Lucia Berlin -- you know, someone famous for brevity and sharp editing.
Edit: or Borges.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:33:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I personally wouldn't want to read Pynchon novels done by anyone else. His style is so intertwined with the substance of his novels that I can't imagine reading it any other way. But Borges doing Pynchon would be pretty great
dvegas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:35:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Borges explicitly said he would never write a long piece of fiction, and didn't understand authors who did
PolarisDiB ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:06:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who says Borges couldn't fit Gravity's Rainbow into ten pages or less?
DrKemer ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:19:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a five-page essay about a writer, Ruggles Pynchon, who has written an excessively long novel about erections, bananas and perverse industrial conglomerates that conspire to keep the world erect and bananas. The essay describes how Ruggles, while having some background in aerodynamics, is separated from the War and V2s by a half-generation, temporally and culturally just slightly out of phase with the surreality he wishes to convey. Thus his novel is more about his murky subconscious, a wild world of Cabaret and erect fruits. It is suggested the subconscious story he drags out of the nethers of his head and puts on graph paper was actually dictated to him as a young boy by a radical young book-publishing genius working for a mysterious subdivision of one of the great publishing houses that did business on both sides of the War.
tomdarch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably have an easier time with Calvino (or Ecco) doing Gravity's Rainbow than Pynchon.
Something___Clever ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:41:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ctrl+f Thomas Pynchon, was not disappointed
o2lsports ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:40:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao those would be the character names
catspantaloons ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would involve lots of banana pancakes.
Tombofsoldier ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:16:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Having never read Eat Pray Love, the opening:
Travelling down the AH1 towards Calcutta at around a hundred miles per hour, or a hundred and sixty kilometers per hour in this country, is a Chevy Nova littered with scratches from decades of long use by a salesman deceased some few years ago. On the sides of the freeway there were hundreds of worshipers making their annual pilgrimage to the nearby holy site. Around their necks hung strings of a hundred and eight beads, named japa malas.
This particular group of Hindus was lead by a skinny yogi suffering from acute anorexia as much as any religious fervor. From time to time those followers holding the beads and moving their lips in silence would flick to the next one, their eyes stuck in the back of their heads in a bout of religious concentration. This was in 2005, though except for the freeway it could have been a scene from almost any time in the past several thousand years. Travelers from Europe had seen the same scene centuries earlier and had decided to bring the idea of beads all the way back to their homeland, though they called it the rosary.
JuiceboxSC2 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:59:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not a particularly smart man, and I could comprehend this so probably not Pynchonian enough.
inhalteueberwinden ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 05:20:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It needs to alternate between light, readable prose sprinkled with heavy references to some specific area of knowledge (rocket engineering, 1920s culture, the geography of Zurich, etc) and beautiful but dense, challenging prose.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:37:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It also could've introduced at least 40 or so characters in those two paragraphs.
beaverteeth92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:29:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The skinny yogi needs a ridiculous name.
Tesrab ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. That's solid. I was just thinking about the scene from V. Where Sketches buddy finds his sister after she gangbanged that gang and he just walks in there and closes the door because you know he's about to kill her.
Paradoxa77 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:17:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know both of those things but i dont get what the product would be. So I guess it would be an adequate sentiment for a Pynchon novel
badwolf504 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:56:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even better: David Foster Wallace does Thomas Pynchon.
evilweirdo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as "Monty Python" at first glance. That would also be pretty great.
tomdarch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pychon writes an episode of Monty Python...
or
Monty Python's Hidden Mail Delivery Conspiracy.
GARBAGE_MACHINE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit..
jonhasglasses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great answer
happyface925 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YESSSSSSS
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And no one could have made a movie of it because it would be way too goddamn long.
reef_higgens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Poconos?
PM_Me_Unpierced_Ears ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am eating of the love pray what is pray prey? no pray that is correct weird how they sound the same but are different but the love tastes good when I eat it is that a butterfly on that cake do they make the cake dirty like a fly does? Anyway, I think I'll ask this of the woman sitting next to me who I think smells like that chemical they added to the hash I had when I was younger and traveling in Amserdam I wonder what that was do you think she knows?
surprisedwhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charles bukowski
mindbleach ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:42:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naked Lunch?
JuanDeLasNieves_ ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would actually be good under GRRM. Never would Italian food be so throughly described, though the sex parts would be awkward.
Joedang100 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Eat, Pray, Love" sounds much more Lovecraftian, TBH.
YourCannibalQueen ยท 5887 points ยท Posted at 00:59:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covering Paris Hilton's Confession of an Heiress
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2227 points ยท Posted at 01:25:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's my crack at the first few of paragraphs from the first chapter, using the Hemingway App (doesn't edit for you, just makes suggestions about omitting adverbs, passive voice, lengthy sentences, etc.).
Chapter One: How to be an Heiress
A lot of people seem to have the wrong idea about me. In fact, pretty much everything I read about myself is ridiculous. Newspapers write that I'm spoiled. All I do is dance on tabletops and party with my friends. They think I became famous because I was born into a rich, well-known family, and everything has come as such to me. They like to think everything they read about me in the tabloids is true. Well, you can't always believe what you read. I've decided to give you a sneak peek into my life -- so you can know the real me.
I haven't bothered to correct what's written about me. Gossips believe whatever they want anyway. The people I care about know the real me. I'm happy with who I am. What difference does gossip make?
That's the bottom line for me. The printed stuff about me over the last few years is amusing and makes me laugh. I've decided to let the world know: Okay, I get it. Everyone can have fun with my image because I have fun with it too. My friends know I like my lifestyle, but I don't take it -- or my media image -- seriously. I take my family seriously. I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don't take myself seriously.
Silidon ยท 2570 points ยท Posted at 03:00:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two things; one, just realized that Holden Caulfield is just the shitty little love child of Hemingway and Paris Hilton. Two, the sentence "I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously" is phenomenal.
2rio2 ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 05:03:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holden Caulfield is just evidence that every new generation of teenager in the history of mankind has been shitty in the same basic way.
HGF88 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 08:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holden Caulfield is teenage depression in writing
succubusprime ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:14:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember in high school they forced us to read Catcher In the Rye and I failed that test because I hated him so much I couldn't even read that book.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would recommend reading it all the way through.
bowazon ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 13:34:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good lord. NO. Holden Caulfield was mentally ill. He went into a tailspin because his brother died. He performed badly in school then his parents sent to horrible boarding schools where bullying was so bad one of his classmates jumped off the dorm and killed himself. His first love was being molested by her stepfather. He didn't trust anyone because he had communication problems, and the one adult he came close to trusting in the book was an old teacher who appeared to make a pass at him. The only advice that anyone would give him was to apply himself, which is sadly the same "get up off the mat" approach that most people think is the solution to depression and mental illness. Saying he was just a privileged teenager who was acting out while ignoring everything else that happened in the book is doing a real injustice to the work.
CrusaderKingsNut ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 18:45:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude was institutionalized at the end. He had serious issues with depression, PTSD, and his own adulthood. I'm not about to claim he's some hero, but read to the end before you judge.
cutandshovel ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 04:00:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god. You're so right.
well_shoothed ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 05:01:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...and this... this is why Reddit always trumps Facebook, Twitter, or anything else on the tubes in social media land.
Fatereads ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellis should write this book.
tway1948 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pretty much
theghostofme ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 05:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My God...that may be the most perfect way to describe Holden ever. That /r/verysmart outlook on life that comes from having lived so privileged a life that you actually start to believe your own brand of bullshit as being the only "truth," ร la Jaden Smith.
dpmull ยท 129 points ยท Posted at 07:21:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had a realization about some such people recently. I have a young coworker who is actually smart, but he is also an r/verysmart type in some views and attitudes he has. The best way I can describe it is that he can truly be funny and quite clever, but he has actually said things like "I just think about these things on a different level than most people are able to." He is from.a wealthy family and made average grades at a top 20 school. He simply thinks he's a genius because he's always been in that bubble and it's been constantly reinforced. Like the stereotype, he can't get a woman to go on more than one or maybe two dates with him, which is telling for a 24 year old with his background and salary (at his age). He's actually pretty handsome when he pays attention to his appearance. But he's just so annoying. The things he complains about are ridiculous. He complains constantly about the extreme pressure he's put under at work. His job is easier than mine, and mine is damn near stress-free. I had to hear the other day about his coffee drink having an "incorrect amount of ice" in it - for 2 hours. The only time I ever shut him down is when he starts to say derogatory things about women.
One day he got a call informing him that his turtle had died, and he was simply apoplectic. He broke a keyboard and I literally had to bear hug him and hold him to get him to stop. He was screaming and sobbing for a while. He was going on so much that others assumed his mom, or maybe his brother, had died.
He just went on and on. I honestly wanted to grab him and scream in his face, "You don't have any real problems or responsibilities; you've never had to deal wih tragedy or real stress. When I was your age I was in Afghanistan jumping out of planes and getting shot at by the fucking Taliban!"
But then it hit me that that turtle dying is the most adversity he's ever known. I would be yelling at someone having the hardest time in his life.
And I thought about how. a couple of weeks back my wife found out that she's pregnant, and I"m so excited I have a hard time maintaining my composure. We're at the point in our lives we agreed we should reach before thinking about children. And I realized that I hope my kid can have such an awesome life that the most tragic event they face in a quarter of a century is a turtle dying.
I felt differently after that. He can still be annoying but honestly it should be our goal as a society and culture to create such a high standard that trivialities are our biggest worries.
jralha ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 08:47:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You did good not throwing it in his face about the turtle.
I don't know how much you care about the guy, don't know if you consider him a friend or if he's just a dude from work, but if you do, I'd try to talk to him in a non confrontational way (hard to do, I know) about it.
mommyaiai ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 12:13:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awww... The fact that you're already thinking like this tells me you'll be a good daddy! Just remember it when your toddler is in tantrum mode because the supply cup is the wrong color.
wonkynerddude ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 12:23:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sir, you sound like a really nice person.
screaminginfidels ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 10:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn that comment really took a turn there. Thanks for the story.
Congrats on your kid!
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:12:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I think you did the right thing by not confronting him about the turtle, but adversity and challenge is part of life. If we're not experiencing that as a society, then we're not pushing hard enough into new territories. Even if one day Earth is a utopia there's still going to be people risking their lives to explore space a la Star Trek. And to bring it back down to your coworker, he may not have experienced real hardship yet, but one day he will. An immediate family member will die or he'll go through a significant breakup. It's part of human existence, no one can avoid it.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:33:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The goal you're talking about there, making life super easy and safe for everyone, is noble. But I think it's misled. Sheltered upbringings create weak people who snap under pressure or stress, and if shit ever goes wrong in that utopia you built for them out of the goodness of your heart, they're fucked. Doubly so since they'll be ripe for being conquered by a less weak and sheltered group that has endured hardship, scarcity, and fear.
LorenzoStomp ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:59:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this gets thrown around on reddit way too much, but that guy really does sound like he's got high-functioning autism. Mostly the adherence to strict ideas about how even minor things "should be", and the extreme, uncontrolled emotion.
djzenmastak ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:49:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
to be fair, pets get silly names. one of my dogs is named 'derpina' but i take her very seriously, she's part of the family.
Rprzes ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:08:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely, "I'm a millennial, Trevor, I don't like labels." moment, and vibe for that whole section, really.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIPBTinkerbell :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIP Tinkerbell :(
BiologyIsHot ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 03:12:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to be able to smell the musk and cognac through the words, try it again, but with more wood varnish.
CanolaIsAlsoRapeseed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:53:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a lot of varnish to overcome the scent of that much semen.
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:15:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
isaacman101 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:56:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was curious about the original too. It's pretty similar, but the "Hemingway" version is definitely a bit gruffer and more masculine (as intended):
A lot of people seem to have the wrong idea about me. In fact, pretty much everything I read about myself is totally ridiculous. Newspapers and magazines write that I'm spoiled and privileged, and that all I do is dance on tabletops and party with my friends. They think I instantly became famous because I was born into a rich, well-known family, and everything has come so easily to me. They like to think everything they read about me in the tabloids is true. Well, you can't always believe what you read, right? So I've finally decided to give you a sneak peek into my very hyped life โ so you can know the real me.
I haven't bothered to correct what's been written about me so far because, well, gossips believe whatever they want anyway. The people I care about know the real me. If I'm happy with who I am, what difference does it make?
And that's the bottom line for me. While the stuff printed about me over the last few years is amusing and makes me laugh, I've finally decided to let the world know: Okay, I get it. Everyone can have fun with my image because I like to have fun with it too. My friends know that while I like my lifestyle, I don't take it โ or my media image โ all that seriously. I do take my family seriously. I take my dog, Tinkerbell, seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don't take myself all that seriously.
theghostofme ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:49:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And this was the filtered version that made it from the "co-writer" to the editor.
Imagine how much worse it would have been had she actually written it herself.
justbeingkat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:23:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She's actually apparently pretty smart; she's always been very upfront that her public persona is her playing a character.
TastyBrainMeats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She was also phenomenal in Repo.
prophetoffun ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:53:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was probably just her rambling on about her own image in a smoke-filled room with a writer furiously typing away at the gist, then editing it more later to sound like her.
theghostofme ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really hope there was some kind of quarantine system in place, for the writer's sake.
INeededACoolerName ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:05:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow this is a real book
anathea ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:27:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know that gritty, noir detective voice? That's what I read this in. Absolutely phenomenal.
polkadotdream ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:51:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't until you said it, and now I've reread it and thank you for that.
liberalmonkey ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:47:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paris isn't exactly the way she was on the reality show, anyway. People take entertainment too seriously instead of realizing that it is, in fact, entertainment and not real life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBgfzzQwujE as an example of her being different/sounding different
FudgeIgor ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:19:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Loved the classy deflection when she gets asked if she voted for Trump. The commentators were nice enough to let it slide.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:47:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deflection? She said, "I've known him all my life, so yes."
catsgelatowinepizza ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:40:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it weird to think of Donald Trump as like, your dad's mate. Uncle Donald. Comes over and ruffles your hair, gives you a Cartier necklace or whatever for your birthday, your families vacation in Nice together, flown by private jets. I'm trying to imagine all these glitterati kids' lives and really, it is something completely removed from our realities isn't it
cosmotheassman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:39:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uncle Donald is here, so remember to lock the bathroom door when you shower.
FudgeIgor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:57:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I must have totally misheard her - i thought she just said "I've known him all my life.", left it at that and then they went on to a different question, sorry!
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:43:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is this Hemingway App you speak of?
wileychandler ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.hemingwayapp.com
Casper9300 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:54:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That app had a stroke on me Fu f f fu fu fuck fu ff f fuck y fuck yo fu f f fuck you Another line said today is bal l to t today is t to bal b the day 5/7 best app ever
PolarisDiB ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:08:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, further:
Edit: by the way, what's the original source quote here?
DimlightHero ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:27:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like it. Well, except for the last bit of the last paragraph, where you smothered the cadence. I think this works better:
/u/isaacman101 posted the full original excerpt here.
Stabfist_Frankenkill ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:51:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just a shot in the dark, but I'm going to guess Paris Hilton's Confession of an Heiress.
PolarisDiB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No I wanted to know what the actual text is versus the first round of edits, so I could then compare my second round of edits. Someone else posted them, so question answered.
sky_k ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:18:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what A.I. is meant for.
TheExquisiteCorpse ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:05:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of Salinger.
emmeline_grangerford ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:08:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
can somebody write an alternate version of Paris Hilton's autobiography where Ernest Hemingwayreplaces Paris as narrator and star of the story?
fudgegamble ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:10:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway uses far far less commas. Just take out most of the punctuation and replace it with 'and' and you'll be there
catsgelatowinepizza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would he say 'fewer'?
sweetalkersweetalker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:48:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit there's a Hemingway app??
Flutemouth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Hemingway actually wrote this, it would be three sentences and say more.
Scarletfapper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've just realised I have no idea how Hilton writes anyway.
NeonSignsRain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not stiff enough. Too informal.
NoMoreFML ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:00:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was awesome. Kind of wish you'd do the whole thing.
Blue_Three ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:56:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now gizoogle dat shiznit.
rousseaux ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too many paragraphs.
tway1948 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:34:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL there's a Hemingway app. My career as an author is saved!
Rizzpooch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. If that's edited down, I really do not care to read the whole book. Even that little was more than enough.
Aceofkings9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good, but Hemingway's sentences are waaaaaaaaaay longer
cayoloco ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:36:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This about makes me sympathize with Paris Hilton a bit. I could actually buy it for a dollar, it did sound genuine.
Sikot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just goes to show you can't polish a turd.
op8nhoney ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:11:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, though you can still sprinkle one with glitter.
GaySwans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is perfect!
MasterRonin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway app?
racc8290 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason all those short sentences reminded me of Trump
underdabridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can the book end "and now that the Kardashian-Jenners are a thing, I am not. - Fin"
Bears_On_Stilts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:09 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the inner monologue of the narrator in a Scorsese dramedy.
Cgdb10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:23 on August 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough manys and verys
EmeraldFlight ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 04:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
god, this just reminded me how much hemingway fucking sucks
doomparrot42 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:33:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Curious, are you basing this off his novels or his short stories?
EmeraldFlight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
absolutely
Like, listen, "Old Man" and "Sun Also Rises" are fine
conceptually
But he's not a novelist, he's a journalist - according to himself. That means he doesn't know how to write anything except dry character studies and loose 'realism' plots that are a lot more complex than he presents them to be and, because of that, are completely unimpactful unless you WANT to study them
fuck Hemingway and his dumb face
doomparrot42 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK, that's what I thought. I've always preferred his short stories anyway because he knows how to really watch people and convey meaning and detail through small, subtle elements. That doesn't come through so well in a novel - at least, it's not very readable. But I'll defend "Hills Like White Elephants" to...hmm, maybe not the death, but you get my point.
As for how writers define themselves - he called himself a journalist because for some time, that was what he did to pay the bills. Sure, his training was as a journalist, but it's not an RPG where choosing one character class precludes all others.
left_handed_violist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:00:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hills Like White Elephants is so good
EmeraldFlight ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 07:11:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never heard of it, will read it, but I doubt he's going to join the legion of 'great English writers' anytime soon except in the eyes of high-school lit teachers
edit: read it, absolute fucking garbage. "revolutionary" my shapely ass
doomparrot42 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:22:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh..I don't know how to break it to you, but he's a fixture in English and literature classes even at graduate level, and this shows no signs of changing anytime soon. Plenty of serious academics consider him to be one of the foundational writers of modern American literature. You can't bump someone out of the canon because their writing style doesn't do it for you. Like him or no, he's historically and culturally significant.
You keep acting like "good" writing is an objective category; it's really not.
EmeraldFlight ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 07:44:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck are you talking about? You're bandying around bullshit terminology and loose strawman arguments like you really, really wanna disagree with me, you fuckin contrarian
I don't care whether he's in the canon, he fucking sucks
I don't care how many serious academics consider him to be a 'foundational' writer of modern American literature, he fucking sucks, and more importantly, those same people will easily admit his writing itself isn't that good, because he sucks
When the fuck did I say 'bump him out of the canon?' I thought you were a reader. Try reading.
His writing style doesn't just 'not do it for me.' It's genuinely bad. It completely lacks anything that makes writing good, and the 'iceberg theory' is bullshit. It was an EXPERIMENT. MODERNISM. Dumbshit.
Yeah, he's historically and culturally significant. And now he's dead, everything he did is completely pointless and worthless, he never said anything important, and we only read him for the same reason we read Benjamin Franklin - historical and cultural purposes.
Ben Franklin, to put it bluntly, was a better writer
bonus: "wah wah wah muh subjectivism I can like shitty things all I want because good isn't real"
JoeFjall ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, you don't like Hemingway? Just spit it out if that's what you mean, stop dancing around the subject.
EmeraldFlight ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:58:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, yeah, he fuckin' sucks, I hate him
I mean, I love him, he's a genius, and I hate him
doomparrot42 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:52:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh for...
Your opinions are not fact! Your arbitrary and frankly bizarre hate of one specific writer changes nothing. Why you're so upset about my defending him, I can't understand, but this is some serious r/badliterarystudies gold, which is much appreciated. The bit about how his being dead automatically renders him insignificant is a particular high point.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
doomparrot42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, posting a thread I've been participating in is not exactly kosher, so...no?
Dude, chill, maybe take a nap or something. You're taking this way too seriously. Personal insults are unnecessary - I think I've been pretty civil here, moreso than you really warrant at this point
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
doomparrot42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:07:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toodles. Blocked and reported. Enjoy screeching into the void.
EmeraldFlight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wut
onemm ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:45:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?! Hemingway sucks? You're trolling right?
EmeraldFlight ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:11:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yo, ask anyone who loves literature whether Hemingway is a good writer
He's a good author in that his plots are intricate and layered with incredibly intelligent meaning, but he is one of the worst writers I have ever had the displeasure of reading
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:05:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love literature and I love Hemingway
EmeraldFlight ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:00:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't ask whether you loved him
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry, I guess me loving him could be misinterpreted.. you said:
"ask anyone who loves literature whether Hemingway is a good writer"
I love literature and I think he's a great writer.
EmeraldFlight ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 23:59:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh
Well, then, you probably don't 'love' literature
What's your favorite novel
doomparrot42 ยท 419 points ยท Posted at 02:51:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway + female POV = disaster.
eta: for anyone who either hates Hemingway or is now assuming that I do, here are my favorite stories: The Faithful Bull, Soldier's Home, Hills Like White Elephants
Also if you want Hemingway style from a woman writer, read James Tiptree.
MidnightWombat ยท 103 points ยท Posted at 02:58:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and also something I want so badly to read
doomparrot42 ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 03:01:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why stop here? Hemingway writes 50 Shades! Then add Hills Like White Elephants as the epilogue.
Actually, that would be amazing, what am I saying?
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
doomparrot42 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:47:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a moment I forgot about my comment and thought someone was just randomly sending me softcore erotica.
Atimo3 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:28:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about, and as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused. "Go on", Rebecca said softly, "Touch me." Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips... It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves tall and mighty all around her, with...
doomparrot42 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:29:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess I kinda brought that on myself there. What is this, Lovecraftian erotica?
awhamburgers ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:40:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha not exactly
doomparrot42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:22:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, still more realistic than "lesbian" porn.
Atimo3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A well known author
Esmesqualor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:44:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"They just let a little air in...."
UUDDLRLRBAstard ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Earnesta Femingway.
doomparrot42 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:13:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the pen name you use to write Hemingway slashfic.
UUDDLRLRBAstard ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:28:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shut it, that's supposed to be a secret
BiologyIsHot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:13:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading Hemingway is like sniffing cognac.
doomparrot42 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:19:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I like Hemingway, but it's pretty telling that the only time he wrote a halfway decent female character (Lady Brett Ashley <3) was when he wrote a woman whose behavior is somewhat masculine (compared to his other characters) and in a novel where the main character is impotent. Think about it.
Bit of historical trivia: The woman seated next to Hemingway in this picture is Mary Duff Stirling, Lady Twysden, better known as the real-life inspiration for Brett.
AZNman1111 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:47:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh I might need to reread Sun if you felt she was a strong female. Its been years.
However Hills is amazing and I saw your edit and wanted you to know I loved that one.
doomparrot42 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:49:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I find "strong female character" to be a bit of an overused phrase, but I like that the novel concludes with a friendly relationship between equals, and I think that was pretty significant for the time.
Hills is such a great story for teaching you how to write, too. So many people start out thinking they need all this extraneous detail, and here's Hemingway stripping it all out.
AZNman1111 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:57:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh A Dolls House was written what 40 years beforehand? The main character looking at a broken traffic cone (who doesn't love a good phallus joke?) even at the end I think shows that in his eyes, sex is one of the most, if not only, important things to have with a woman.
And it doesn't seem (in my very admittedly poor remembering of the book) that her relationship with the Spanish bullfighter does much to elevate her position above (and excuse my language) cum dumpster.
I don't personally write but I could imagine Hills being a perfect example of good writing for someone who does.
doomparrot42 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:03:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Sun in a class focusing on the evolution of gender dynamics in American literature, which changed my view of it quite a bit. Earlier American literature basically offered two roles for women: saintly virgin (then wife and mother) or fallen whore. No room for nuance when you've got moralizing to do! Writers like Hawthorne started complicating this by encouraging sympathy for a character who readers would've seen as "fallen," but I do find it significant that Brett is a character who makes her own (bad) decisions without being immediately and eternally condemned for them. Look at earlier stuff - Stephen Crane's Maggie, A Girl of the Streets, Edith Wharton's House of Mirth - and you can see that women rarely survive bad relationship choices. Even the most progressive works like Theodore Dreiser's Sister Carrie leave their female protagonists in a state of flux. I give Hemingway a lot of credit (possibly too much, tbh) for not offing her.
AZNman1111 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:07:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the risk of sounding melodramatic:
Comments like yours are the reason I love Reddit. Upvoted, saved and thank you. You changed my view.
Speaking of Edith, I mean even Ethan Frome got destroyed for bad decisions. And he's a man! I suppose I was simply having a difficult time not projecting my 21st century expectations onto 20th century viewpoints.
doomparrot42 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn. Thank you, that's the nicest thing I've heard all day :) I guess my literature degree is good for something, haha! It's been lovely talking with you.
AZNman1111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You too! I'm hoping as evinced by my refusal to type out the full title for Sun or even bother putting italics, its clear I'm pretty tired.
I have work in like 4 hours and I should at least pretend I'm going to sleep. Its starting to even bother the cat at this point hehehe.
Have a good night!
doomparrot42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When your cat tells you to go to sleep, you listen.
onemm ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disaster?! Chill. He's one of the greatest writers of all time.
What about Maria and Pilar from For Whom the Bell Tolls? You have to admit that Pilar at the very least was a great female character written by Hemingway.
pfohl ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always use For Whom The Bell Tolls as example of how bad he was with female characters. The only two women exist to cook. The younger is bland and seems to just be an object for the protagonist. The older complains.
onemm ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:57:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing Hemingway probably is most famous for is his 'iceberg theory'; a style of writing where a majority of the stuff isn't talked about and the underlying themes are 'under the surface' the same way a large part of icebergs are under the water. That goes for both male and female characters.
I'd agree with you that Maria can be a bit bland at times. She was the romantic interest of the main character but she wasn't just 'an object'. They were in love, homes. She was the youngest character, so she was naive despite what she went through and came off as childish because she was basically a child. I believe she was only 17(?) when the war starts and so she's written as a young girl who doesn't quite understand what's going on. Her parents are killed in front of her and she's raped by multiple enemy soldiers despite not being personally affiliated with any political party. She's got PTSD and she's a bit of a dreamer later on. The moment where she's comforting Joaquin when he starts to openly sob about his family all dying is probably the most touching scene in the book.
Pilar is the leader of a guerilla unit. She's one of the most badass characters in a book full of badass characters. I wouldn't say she complains, I'd say she puts people in their place. She can overdo it but I think that happened once and she apologized afterwards. There's too much to say about the character of Pilar and I feel like if you read the book and still didn't appreciate her as a character, then there's nothing I can say to convince you.
Sorry if this rant came off as aggressive, it's just that it's probably my favorite book of all time and I don't think it deserves the criticism you're giving it. But.. to each their own. There's plenty of popular books/movies/TV shows that I don't like either
e: to not too
doomparrot42 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:48:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't read For Whom The Bell Tolls in ages, might be time to revisit. The last Hemingway novel I read was A Farewell to Arms, and I found Catherine to be a less than convincing character. As I've said elsewhere - don't get me wrong, I like his writing. I just think that he (much like many of his contemporaries) couldn't write a female POV to save his life. Emphasis on point of view.
If I want terse sentences, brutal narratives, and interesting women, I'd rather read James Tiptree, who's basically the female version of Hemingway anyway.
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Completely agree. To be fair, that book was based on his brief romance with a real nurse from his time in WWI who ended up ignoring him/his letters when he moved back to the States after the war and he was pretty bitter about it. I will not deny that the dude was a sexist/racist/all around douche if we're comparing him to modern standards. I could say that he was 'a product of his time' but that always seemed like a bullshit excuse to me. He's undeniably a great writer though (in my and many other's opinions).
I'd definitely recommend giving For Whom the Bell Tolls another shot. Not sure how much you remember but Pilar is the basically the acting commander of a guerilla group and she's definitely got some 'masculine traits'; much more so than Brett Ashley. But she's a powerful woman and to be in that position at that time you probably had to be like that. Although.. she never once came across as 'masculine' or 'manly' to me, but I'm a guy so maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I'll definitely give Tiprtee a read. Any suggestions for where to start?
doomparrot42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate that you're not going for the usual copout of "product of his time." It's certainly a factor in his writing, but I find it a bit insulting towards writers to imply that they can't help what they write.
All right, I'm sold. Adding it to my summer reading list.
All of Tiptree's best works are short stories. I'd recommend "The Screwfly Solution" for something genuinely horrifying, "The Last Flight of Dr. Ain" for weird eco-mystery, or "The Girl Who Was Plugged In" for awesome proto-cyberpunk.
onemm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:44:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome. Do me a huge favor though and just remember to keep an open mind. As you said, "product of his time" is cliche and a copout but there's a sliver of truth to it. Just look at Shakespeare who many literature experts consider to be the greatest writer of all time. He wrote "The Taming of the Shrew" which according to wikipedia:
Imagine someone writing that today? I know it's a copout but it really was a different era. If you're gonna give it another chance, you might as well enjoy it. And the only way you're going to enjoy it is if you can ignore blatantly offensive stuff that probably wasn't offensive back then. Sorry for the rant.
I just put them on my list, thanks for the recommendations. Even though For Whom the Bell Tolls is probably my favorite book of all time, I'd love to hear any other suggestions for female authors if you have them. Two of my top 5 favorite books were written by women and I probably don't read enough of them.
doomparrot42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:39:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a literature grad student, if I didn't keep context in mind they'd boot me out :) Don't apologize for the rant, that's the sort of thing that I wish was pinned on r/literature. Context matters! Someday I'm gonna organize the world's lamest protest and walk around waving a little sign that says "No text without context."
I love that you're asking this question, always makes me happy to
shillrecommend some of my favorite writers. Can't go wrong with Margaret Atwood or Ursula Le Guin, they're two writers I will always recommend. As for others...hmm, depends on what you're interested in. I tend to read a lot of sf so many of my favorites fall in that area - Octavia Butler, C.L. Moore, Joanna Russ, and Sheri S. Tepper in particular. Among classic writers, Edith Wharton, Willa Cather, and Charlotte Perkins Gilman. In contemporary fiction, Toni Morrison, Joyce Carol Oates, and Maxine Hong Kingston. Honestly this is something I could go on about at length, but I'll stop here before I accidentally write an essay.onemm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:59 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well now I feel like a fucking idiot bringing up "literary experts" and Shakespeare. I have very little formal education in literature. I took two American Lit classes and a World Lit class in college but that's really it. Most of the stuff I act like I know comes from being a voracious reader my whole life, so I apologize if I came off like a know-it-all considering how much more qualified you are to speak on these things..
Lol that's great
I actually bought The Handmaid's Tale about a year ago but still haven't gotten to it yet (for every book I read, two more seem to be added to my list). I'll definitely move it up on my list. Also, while I'm not a huge sci-fi fan (as in, I don't go out of my way to read sci-fi but also don't avoid it), I read every genre as long as the books are good. Again, thanks for the recommendations
TemporaryInformation ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:28:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real pro move is to have Hemingway cover Ulysses. Reading his reduction of Joyce to journalistic prose would be a joy.
doomparrot42 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:34:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifteen Joyce scholars have just had seizures for no discernible reason. I hope you're happy, you monster.
TemporaryInformation ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:39:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only death can save them.
UNC_Samurai ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:01:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I once saw a satire of Hemingway covering Fitzgerald:
Gatsby died. In the rain.
DespicableMessiah ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Hemingway gun safety manual would be a nice read...
Maverick8787 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Makes me think of the guy on Twitter combining Soren Kierkegaard with Kim kardashian quotes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I think I'd rather read Fitzgerald covering it.
L_H_O_O_Q_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski covering Paris Hilton's Confession of an Heiress
ShinMalphurr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" covered by Paris Hilton.
ShoutOutTo_Caboose ยท 3127 points ยท Posted at 01:18:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy writes Lord of The Flies.
BRG820 ยท 2316 points ยท Posted at 01:46:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. "Piggy lobs a frag grenade into the hut and runs off. As he hears the explosion, Jack appears before him and says 'Thanks' and tosses Piggy his glasses, and that's when he knew he fragged Ralph's hut."
Edit:spelling
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 2389 points ยท Posted at 03:59:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough detail.
Piggy firmly tugged on the ring of the M67 fragmentation grenade. Replacing the M26 used in the Korean War and the outset of combat in Vietnam, the M67 contains nearly a half pound of Composition B. The detonation velocity of over 8,000 meters per second coupled with the razor sharp shrapnel ranging in size from grains of rice to fingernail makes it an entirely lethal weapon in the hands of anyone who can hurl it.
Having already removed the spoon safety during his pre-mission preparation, he released his grip on the spoon to hear an all familiar "ting". The grenade was live. He had roughly 4 seconds before detonation. He tossed it underhand into the darkened hut. There was no "cooking off", popularized by movies, tv, and video games. Like silent "thwips" of suppressors and the constant re-racking of bolts, Hollywood needed to dramatize the mundane action of prepping a grenade. As if the violent twisted metal flakes perforating anyone within 30 meters of the blast area wasn't dramatic enough. Piggy hadn't the luxury to continue to dwell on it. He knelt down behind the makeshift cover of the stone pile until he heard the familiar thud of the lethal explosion. There was no fireball. Another Hollywood trope he failed to comprehend. Only smoke and the acrid smell of detonation.
Ralph lay in a pool of ever expanding blood. He clutched his throat as blood pulsed from a severed artery. His eyes were closed and a small section of his ear hung on by a single flap of skin. Piggy walked to him to see him writhe in agony.
"It won't be long now" he muttered to him self. "Die with some dignity."
Ralph's convulsions slowed as his grip on his neck weakened. Piggy took a step back to avoid the blood annexing the dirty planked floor. He never liked watching people die, but after the situation in Tunisia and the jumblefucked Operation Mantis Topaz, he was going to verify every kill.
Nicnac97 ยท 251 points ยท Posted at 05:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin spot on man. Nice.
Norwegr ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 08:48:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guess I should read some Tom Clancy, that was a delight to read.
lshiva ยท 98 points ยท Posted at 09:33:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stick to the stuff he actually wrote. After a while he got famous enough that he began "collaborating" with other authors. They write the books, using his characters and world building, and Clancy puts his name in big letters on the front of the book. The quality suffered immensely. Try Red Storm Rising to start. It's a stand alone work about war between NATO and the USSR set mostly in the north Atlantic and Europe.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 10:58:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seconded for Red Storm Rising. It's his second book after Hunt for Red October. I don't think he'd really planned on making Jack Ryan a franchise at the time. I think he was just writing books.
Anyway, Red Storm Rising is a fantastic look at what modern day WWIII would look like using conventional Cold War weapons.
I read this when I was in the Navy. No spoilers, but IIRC, the ship I was on was in the book at one point.
Its_Space-Time ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 12:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red Storm Rising was fantastic. To add to what u/TheDudeNeverBowls said, I'd recommend reading everything in the Jack Ryan series written between The Hunt For Red October and the Bear and the Dragon (can't remember how Teeth of the Tiger was tbh). Everything after that isn't as well liked.
Oh, and Rainbow Six is one of my all-time favorites, that's technically a spinoff of the series. You can probably read that without having read the rest of the series, but there'll be some familiar characters if you have.
Source: Really good books ร Clancy's wordiness = like a million AR points back in middle school.
Volkaeno ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 14:59:56 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck, AR? Like, Accelerated Reader? Nobody I've ever talked to knows what that is, I thought it was just my school.
Its_Space-Time ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:20:41 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha yeah, it's a nationwide thing but not every school district does it. There's no way one school could write millions of questions for thousands of books
Volkaeno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:52 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that's why I was always so confused that nobody else had it. Man, I miss elementary school.
dramboxf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 16:58:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I remembered reading somewhere that RSR was actually the first book he wrote, but HFRO was the first one he sold, and since that became a mega-hit, he was able to get RSR published.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:40:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would actually make a shitload of sense.
peacemaker2007 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 10:25:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Patterson Jackpot" by Tom Clancy and James Patterson
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 11:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red Storm Rising was actually a collaboration as well, with Larry Bond, an ex-naval officer and the developer of the Harpoon military gaming system. The book stands up, even today, if read as the story of an alternate history third world war. I have to say that I liked Larry Bond's books a lot more than Clancy's novels, and I feel that Larry Bond's contribution to Red Storm Rising made it the novel it is.
jsteph67 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:14:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After Red Storm Rising. Patriot Games followed by No Remorse. Then any order you wish, but you kind of need Clark to be a mysterious figure in Patriot Games.
RaceHard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:04:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
red storm rising, got it.
bananasta32 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:59:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patriot Games, Red Storm Rising, The Hunt for Red October and Rainbow Six are some of my favorite "comfort books."
They don't try to be deep or explore some kind of greater truth about the human condition, they're just good, easy to read stories.
Naggins ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You enjoyed that? Wew.
Elite_AI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out Gibson, he's got a similar style except he's good.
Ildamon ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:08:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently finishing Rainbow Six, except for the Hollywood part, this is damn accurate. +1
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:19:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rainbow Six is my favorite Clancy book. Too bad it never got the fleshed out further.
Lurkily ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:17:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Operation Mantis Topaz. All the pointless detail and nonsense code names and "You think this is what an explosion is, but let me educate you on the reality". Fucking spot-on Clancy.
Lurkily ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 15:17:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forever on I am going to call overabundance of detail an "Operation Mantis Topaz".
amcdermott20 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 10:26:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Were you one of those weird Tom Clancy ghostwriters?
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 09:48:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found the real Tom Clancy's reddit sockpuppet :-D
Ellistann ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:08:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This really does sound like him...
Exodus111 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:12:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is brilliant.
maximumecoboost ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:55:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy Clancys.
LatrellThreewell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:02:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This deserves gold
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:03:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please no. Just donate to a charity.
LatrellThreewell ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:08:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just gave $5 to St. Jude's. Congrats on earning it for them.
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:09:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. It's unorthodox to be sure, but they'd be better off with it than I would.
khalfrodo34 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:45:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is stunningly accurate.
Jagrnght ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking A.
folksneedheroeschief ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my...yes. Yes goddammit lol
Hannyu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this would improve that book 100 fold.
tallbigtree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone give this man gold
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:03:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please no. Just donate to a charity.
CharlieGr90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody's been reading Clear and Present Danger and/or Without Remorse! Piggy channeling John Kelly/Clark is priceless.
GeraldBrennan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every time Reddit starts to lose its charm, I find something like this (or the Val Kilmer AMA) that makes it fun again.
jncc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am looking at them
30-30_hindsight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This man reads Tom Clancy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:42:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read that!!
MAGwastheSHIT ยท 961 points ยท Posted at 03:15:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs moar pointless technical details.
"Piggy lobs an M67 fragmentation grenade loaded with 0.4 pounds of high explosive Composition B into the hut and runs off. As he hears the explosion touched off by the M67's 4-second pyrotechnic delay fuze, Jack Ryan Shadow Agent appears before him..."
BRG820 ยท 112 points ยท Posted at 03:19:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right. I will do better next time.
Sbf347 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:45:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also missing the word Niggardly. The only time I have ever heard or read that word used is in Tom Clancy books.
taulover ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:09:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin also really loves that word.
BRG820 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Semi related- https://www.reddit.com/r/StandUpComedy/comments/68k8o1/donald_glover_the_n_word/?st=J26CD3JW&sh=d09f88e3
Ranger33 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 05:01:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also needs to mention how extravagantly amazing and totally awesome Jack Ryan is. "Jack Ryan Shadow Agent appears before him...Piggy already knows Jack by reputation. Jack is fluent in seven languages, is a master marksman, double-black belt in ten martial arts, and is also an accomplished sous-chef at a local five-star restaurant. Jack begins hacking into the mainframe using a special coding language he wrote himself..."
Nicnac97 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude in the early books the thing that made jack appealing is that he was just your average, patriotic American citizen. I mean yeah he was smart, had money, and was basically the personification of the American Dream, but he felt real in a very relatable way.
TritonJohn54 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:57:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's why I stopped reading Clive Cussler. Dirk Pitt is basically Superman, and it got monontonous after a while.
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I stopped reading Cussler when it got to be too preachy. That, and the "Slick 66" teleportation Macguffin.
Aardvark_Man ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:22:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It lasted until he became president, I think.
Even then Executive Orders and Bear and the Dragon did a good job of "He's an average bloke in the top job, trying his best."
It's the ones about his son that are truly awful, though, imo.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:33:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, as far as I am concerned, The Bear and the Dragon was the last Tom Clancy book.
Shying away from the Everyman is part of what made the Affleck and Pine outings as Jack Ryan so blah. Harrison and Baldwin played green desk jockies and middle aged/injured/professor/analysts, Affleck and Pime seemed to be Have the latent abilities of Jason Bourne, Pine especially.
Cocomorph ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:38:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cardinal of the Kremlin.
Get off my lawn.
Aardvark_Man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red Rabbit wasn't bad, but not his best.
Nicnac97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:26:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah that's pretty much my sentiment as well. I totally agree with you though on how he really did not want to be president and felt totally underqualified in the position, but stepped up and did his best.
Ranger33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:55:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone else pointed out, I was remembering John Clark more so than Ryan. Plus I was exaggerating a bit for effect.
Shrek1982 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack wasn't the vaunted badass of the novels (he did do so heroic shit but that wasn't really his focus) the one more suited to your comparison would be John Clark.
Ranger33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, that's who I'm thinking of. Clark and his wife.
A_Plant ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The grenades would have to be supplied by the Russians under the watchful guise of one of Piggy's corrupted Lieutenants
BEEFTANK_Jr ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has to be more than just technical details. It needs to be impossible. I remember in the first Rainbow Six novel, the sniper shoots at the wheel of a Jeep. The bullet is somehow able to ricochet off the wheel well and subsequently penetrate an engine block.
Nicnac97 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:25:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could be wrong, but I'm almost positive that doesn't happen in Rainbow Six.
Edit: Okay I searched for it and found what you were talking about.
So yeah. I don't think that's too unrealistic for a .50 Cal.
jayacher ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:40:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If it does, it's right at the end when (spoilers) they're hunting down the environmentalists either at the ranch with the russian guy or in Brazil using the heart beat finders
RoboDodos ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:12:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They hunt environmentalists in rainbow six?
Shrek1982 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:18:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like eco-terrorists, they bio engineer Ebola so the organism isn't so fragile and can exist for prolonged periods outside of a host. They try to kill everyone on the planet with it (except for their chosen few) and "reset" the world.
jayacher ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:15:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Riiiiight at the end. The ones who released the pseudo-ebola.
Aardvark_Man ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:20:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eco-terrorists.
It's been a long time since I've read it, but it's something along the lines of they genetically engineer ebola to be able to be spread by air (after a failed ebola attack by someone else in the previous book, iirc) in an attempt to get rid of a ton of people, letting the environment thrive.
Nicnac97 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found it and edited my comment.
bolivar-shagnasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was when the terrorist group attacked the hospital at Hereford.
BEEFTANK_Jr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:26:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I must have misread this a long time ago, because I could have sworn I remember it ricocheting off another piece of the car first.
keebleeweeblee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:40:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's David Weber on a bad day
Mouthpiecenomnom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:24:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Intensely detailed description of the widdled spear.
RaceHard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:03:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pointless? that stuff is softcore porn to an engineer like me.
Brinbobtaboggan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:43 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its the pointless technical details I appreciate, in books.
I like to google them to get an exact picture in my head and the more detailed, the better IMO
ShoutOutTo_Caboose ยท 189 points ยท Posted at 01:47:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yes this is the rendition I want.
PM_ME_UR_MUSIC_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:36:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well... Mark Greaney is still around...
Pun_In_Ten_Did ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dang, Tom sure stretched out his death:
Googled Mark Greaney and got: Mark Greaney is an American novelist, best known as Tom Clancy's collaborator on his final three books, and for continuing the Jack Ryan character and "Tom Clancy Universe" following Clancy's death from 2013 to 2016. Wikipedia
PM_ME_UR_MUSIC_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:47:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Much in the same way that there will be loads of James Patterson books long after he's gone, Tom Clancy has already pushed most of the hard work of the writing onto Mark Greaney. I'm still going to follow the Jack Ryan series because I like the characters and the way Mark has taken everything so far.
I think with the "Tom Clancy's" brand it has pretty much become Tom Clancy approving or coming up with ideas and then sending a studio off to work on it and probably approving the final project and helping approve the development.
It sucks that Tom is gone but at least we'll have droves of his style of plots and such for years to come.
Bipolar-Bear74525 ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:30:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and at the end they napalm the island
BRG820 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
indyK1ng ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:21:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smells like ... victory.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:17:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edit edit - apparently everyone made the joke already that Clancy used a lot of detail.
Edit - also Clancys name would be larger than the title but you'll find out later it was written by the guy who wrote Shadows of the Empire.
hidude398 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:32:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot the type of grenade, model, and country of origin, plus the building material of the hut, plus a description of what the grenade will do to various materials and the human body, citing at least one time that the grenade has been used before in combat and recounting the events of aforementioned previous use, then having Piggy captured and tortured, again with gruesome detail, before Jack arrives, kills everyone who isn't Piggy in the room, frees Piggy and talks Piggy into answering some questions as they run, then shoots Piggy in the back and dumps his body onto the rocks below.
Shrek1982 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
god i need to re-read the Jack Ryan series for the 12th time now.
pietya ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough detail on the make, type, and history of said grendate.
3/10
BRG820 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:26:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. You're the 4th person in the last 20 minutes to say that.
disturbedlc7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:00:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god. I lost my shit in the first sentence of this rewrite. If I had money, I'd give you gold.
theremln ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot to specify the make and model of the grenade.
a_toy_soldier ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo!
Destinyspire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds like it would fit perfectly in Battle Royale.
ImamBaksh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:28:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why is Piggy killing Ralph?!
Man, these alternate timelines can really go wild sometimes.
BRG820 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He didn't have his glasses, he thought it was Jacks hut.
ImamBaksh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah. Yes that makes sense.
Funny too.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:54:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starting action scene with the plane crashing, 300 pages of nothing happening, everyone's either a vet or a neurosurgeon, ending action
ShoutOutTo_Caboose ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:19:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even better; Daniel Keyes writes Of Mice and Men.
cookiethief55 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:01:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes yes and more yes
mindbleach ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:39:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Baby's First Vietnam Flashback.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:36:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac Mccarthy does Lord of the Flies would be brutal too
Fortune_Cat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:11:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Harry potter
DanarchyLives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Low key brilliant
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or taking that Simpson's joke a step further, Red Storm Rising by Maya Angelou:
"The ebony fighter awakens, dabbled with the dewy beads of morn. It is a Mach-5 child, forever bound to suckle from the shriveled breast of Congress."
LordChicken101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ubisoft lord of the flies third person shooter comes out today
Corund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:16:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Flies part 19, by Tom Clancy and S. Ome. Ghostwriter.
Idontplayfare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:48:47 on June 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might be a little late but
George Orwell's lord of the flies
Something something jack leads a communist revolution or becomes big brother. The littluns are proles.
SoManyQs_SoLilTime ยท 15925 points ยท Posted at 01:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King, Twilight
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 5392 points ยท Posted at 02:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sold.
CallMeYourGod ยท 2396 points ยท Posted at 02:43:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just read Salem's Lot and imagine the vampires want to cuddle
[deleted] ยท 806 points ยท Posted at 03:22:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your throat with their teeth
QueenoftheDirtPlanet ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 10:40:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what vampires are supposed to do.
tonyglock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a little necking.
EarthAllAlong ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 03:54:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
StrakerBarlow is such a stone cold badass in that book. When the priest tries to get at him with his holy symbol and he's just like...nah, bruh, you ain't hard. and the light just dies down and withers away and the priest gets eatenBonyIver ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 04:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He actually doesn't get eaten. He goes on to appear in a number of other Stephen King books
KatieTheDinosaur ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:48:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit, he does?? I always wondered what happened to him. I've read a number of Stephen King books, but can't recall that character showing up again. Do you know of any offhand?
BonyIver ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:52:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's a major character in the Dark Tower series
KatieTheDinosaur ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:57:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I'll have to dive into that. Thanks!
Gnarbuttah ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:50:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One does not simply dive in to the Dark Tower. But in all seriousness, it's an awesome series, just don't expect Father Callahan right away, it's like book 5 before he shows up.
Lampmonster1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:47:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's basically the linchpin that ties almost all of his work into one overarching war between order and chaos.
afrofrycook ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:52:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He shows up in the Dark Tower series.
KatieTheDinosaur ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:58:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I'll have to dive into that. Thanks!
wolphak ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:58:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i feel the need to warn you its a 7 book series. and these are king novels were talking about so 800 pages minimum.
KatieTheDinosaur ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 08:13:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to worry! I replace human contact with reading, so more is better! Hahaha oh god, I'm so lonely
NewelSea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the plus side, if you feel like you could use some more social interaction, reading fiction will actually make things a bit easier as it can actually improve your social skills since the different POV trains your empathy and perception.
KatieTheDinosaur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:50:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly I'm being silly. I've gotten quite a bit better over the years, maybe in part because of what you mentioned. But thank you :)
NewelSea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome :) I see - glad to hear that.
And it's not like you're obliged to meet a certain ratio of social interaction, let alone keep up a minimum of acquantances. The most lonely people are usually those with several hundreds of facebook 'friends', but none of them being close and truly personal.
Aliceinhiding ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:10:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And i feel the need to warn yku that i tried seven times to get past the first book. As a stephen king fan- read all more than once and own the collection)it was very difficult ... however, once I made it through the first one- it was so worth it. First is very different than most if his writing - hang on through it.. it's great backstory for a phenomenal series.
KatieTheDinosaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very intrigued now
SGT_Chowdown ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:18:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do it as fast as you can and prep for what is making out to be the best damn Stephen King film series/tv series. I have heard literally nothing but good things out of insiders on the in-progress Dark Tower film/tv show.
soitsmydayoff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been wanting to read the dark tower series, but the only Stephen King book I've read was It, what other books of his should I read first?
ginja_ninja ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:47:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stand and 'Salem's Lot are the big two. You can do a google search for all the other tie-ins, they've been chronicled very well.
Pteraspidomorphi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read also Low Men in Yellow Coats from Hearts in Atlantis. It's fairly important.
maximumecoboost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Salem's Lot and The Stand.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Sisters of Eluria (short story), Everything's Eventual (short story), The Talisman (novel), The Eyes of the Dragon (novel), Black House (novel), Hearts in Atlantis (novel). All are major DT tie-ins that give you an idea of what Roland's world and the people working against him are like. 'Salem's Lot (novel) is also a necessity, as it introduces an integral DT character.
IT is a good one and ties into DT. I also suggest The Shining, Doctor Sleep, Insomnia, The Mist, The Stand, and 11/22/63, if you're looking to give yourself a solid Stephen King background that will ease you into the 8 book magnum opus that is The Dark Tower.
PM_ME_CAKE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:45:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait what have you heard? I thought latest news was that the show is up in the air right now (will depend on how well the movie does) and the movie is out in 3 months with the first trailer only just having been rated. I know I sound pessimistic but it's not a great set of news.
QueenoftheDirtPlanet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wolves of the Calla
Azrael11 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:07:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't that Barlow?
EarthAllAlong ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:08:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh that's right, Straker is the renfield
HunterTV ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Barlow fucks up that kid's parents pretty bad too IIRC.
PM_ME_CAKE ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:46:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Barlow didn't eat him. He forced Callahan to drink his blood instead in order to taint him which caused his church to reject him. His story after that was revealed in Wolves of the Calla (Dark Tower) and it's an extensive one to say the least.
WineGutter ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I remember correctly like half the town gets infected by assuming their vampire loved ones still wanted to cuddle.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:23:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even though they were both abusive shitheels, the trailer park mom going through the stages of grief in rapid speed after the vamps nail her toddler.
"Chocka, Randy! Chocka chocka! Wake up! Wake up for the love of God, you little shit, WAKE UP!!"
PM_ME_CAKE ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:48:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hated the mum but that scene was just so awful as her attempts to wake him up failed and she fell into screaming and despair.
I_am_BEOWULF ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:04:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like in the fucking school bus?? NAH-UH MOTHERFUCKER!!!
BadgersForChange ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:21:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, the back of a Volkswagen.
HawkeyeKatieKate ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:31:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edward would be studying the pimples on Bella's ass.
Yeah, that works.
rockidol ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:02:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Salem's Lot any good? I've seen it mentioned a few times in this thread
CallMeYourGod ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 06:33:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Salem's Lot is a fantastic read.
One thing I loved in particular was how "realistic" the book is. Many horror novels fall short when the supernatural is introduced too easily, too comfortably. If you want an example of how it's done wrong, read over some stories on /r/nosleep that jump straight into monsters and demons terrorizing the characters.
Salem's Lot takes its time, it eases you into the narrative world in a way that makes you truly concerned for your own safety because the story feels like it's happening in the real world. There's no need for you to suspend your disbelief because the characters themselves transition from skepticism to belief so organically that you can't help but be pulled along with them.
Of course, tastes vary and I'm sure someone will comment below about how the book is trash, but I recommend it 100%.
iamadrunkama ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:38:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
anyone who says that book is trash doesn't like horror and shouldn't have read it in the first place
ask-if-im-a-bucket ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:02:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's true of Stephen King novels in general. The supernatural is introduced in such a way that it feels like it is happening to real people, in the real world. That's why his books get to so many people.
CallMeYourGod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:10:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are some King books that aren't quite as good about it as Salem's Lot. For example, I was pretty disappointed by Bag of Bones.
ask-if-im-a-bucket ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:16:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bag of Bones was actually the last King book I read. I think he deliberately tried to write in a different style with that book, didn't he? It definitely felt different than his other books. His most disappointing for me, by far, was Lisey's Story.
M00NL0VE ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was FANTASTIC. It started off a little slow for me, but keep reading!! Hands down my favorite book I have read by him.
______NOTICEME______ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:30:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first half is very slow and all just introducing characters and a little vamp stuff. The second half is using what you learned in the first half to create some amazing horror.
M00NL0VE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes!! Perfect description.
lama579 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:06:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's terrifically unsettling. I loved it.
NJNeal17 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:13:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my favs by King :D
nullpassword ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And wear makeup.
BlackMetalBanjo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And are complete pussies, then maybe it would work.
MyfanwyTiffany ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I need to see a dentist.
False_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sold.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Salems Lot and Twilight came out, I was heck yea more vampires. Was very disappointed. On the bright side I had a MILF lend me all her Sookie Stackhouse novels, wounded if that was some kind of hint.
JohnnyDarkside ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:08:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, my wife and I love King. Even have a whole bookcase for just him. We have almost every book in hardback, but holy crap do I hate Salem's Lot. I know he went through a period he doesn't remember, but this book is like it was written by someone completely different. So slow and boring, I have yet to finish it.
CallMeYourGod ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:08:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can understand where you're coming from.
The pacing isn't for everyone, especially if you enjoy faster paced books or horror that "jumps in" faster.
If you've gotten through the first escape sceneSPOILER and you still don't like the book, I'd say it's not the book for you. If you haven't, please give it a chance. It's a really interesting book.
zotquix ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:34:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's not kid ourselves, the inevitable movie would still likely be bad.
mybustersword ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:28:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read this. Even if they glittered still. Even if they went to high school still. Because there would be a horrific end
TempleMade_MeBroke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read these two comments like a Family Guy cutaway and it made me so happy
thatEMSguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely Anne Rice could fix the garbage heap that is the twilight series.
Jahidinginvt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She certainly improved upon 50 Shades of Grey well before that drivel came out with her Sleeping Beauty Series.
E.L. James should've read that first and realized that she'd never hold a candle to Rice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean, found purchase.
AirieFenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bought.
LitterallyShakingOMG ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gaeat comment op u haue earned my upvote
[deleted] ยท 978 points ยท Posted at 02:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is what the story should have been. It has all the potential to be really dark and gritty, but it decided to focus on a love triangle instead of the interesting stuff.
SorryToSay ยท 1044 points ยท Posted at 03:09:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure. But then it wouldn't have made a billion dollars with teenage girls and bored wistful mothers. I think you mean that's what you'd like the story to have been. Should is kind of a weird word in the context.
Kraken_Greyjoy ยท 943 points ยท Posted at 03:45:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't a series aimed at teenage girls cater to ME!
Edit: Seriously though, most writers write with a certain demographic in mind. Not everything is for the college age redditor and there's nothing wrong with that.
virtualed ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 03:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pictured Louis C.K. in my head instantly, thanks for the laugh
Aliteralhedgehog ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 07:57:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The answer to pretty much every issue with Twilight. I mean, I don't care for it at all but it's not for me and is not an existential threat to me or my loved ones, and it's not funny anymore to pretend like it is. Twilight bashing is such a low effort stawman that I have never met a Twilight fan half as obnoxious as the average hater.
BeardLover69 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 05:26:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you for saying this.
Sincerely,
Former teenaged Twilight fangirl
AManHasSpoken ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 10:05:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sung to the tune of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
climbtree ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:07:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blue streak, speeds by
Former teenaged Twilight fangirl
ichosethis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:59:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a teenage girl when that series started. It did not appeal to me. I had to be forced to pick it back up and finish the first book. Though, I did read them all so I would have a basis for my dislike. I dislike when people say "I hate X" then go on to tell you they haven't read X because it looks stupid.
gnbman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:26:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a difference between suiting a certain demographic and being objectively low-quality.
mightynifty_2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:12:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but I think that a love triangle involving a vampire and a werewolf should still be well written. Like, you can go after your demographics while still having some semblance of effort.
yoitsthatoneguy ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 13:03:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's written fine. I read all of them a decade ago when I was in high school and I actually enjoyed them. Really easy to follow, pretty much read them cover to cover in one sitting. I've read a bunch of young adult novels and the Twilight series is middle of the pack in terms of writing.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:38:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
after some of the YA I've read with similar themes of paranormal romance and/or love triangles (Infernal Devices and the Gemma Doyle cycle come to mind), I'd put Twilight on the lower end of middle-of-the-pack. I really liked the first two books when I read them, but after reading other YA paranormal romance I realized that they weren't really anything special. For me, middle-of-the-pack would be something like The Hunger Games or The Mortal Instruments - entertaining, readable, but not mind-blowing the way the other two trilogies I mentioned were.
then again, I have an established "thing" for Victorian London and steampunk, so that might be part of the deal.
yoitsthatoneguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:36:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Mortal Instruments and Twilight are on the same level in my opinion. Both being a bit above The Maze Runner and Hunger Games series. Both of those have the same structure for me, first book was pretty good, second book is good, last book it all went to shit.
arvidsem ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 05:31:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except when what they write is terrible. Or even worse, if I don't like it. /s
Edit: apparently the sarcasm doesn't come across with just a /s.
Pompous_Italics ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 03:21:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. Teenage girls want to fantasize about the hot boy who gets how wonderful she is, and for hot boys to fight over her. Meyer will never win a Pulitzer, but she accomplished her goal and made an ungodly amount of money doing so.
[deleted] ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:52:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I can't imagine the books were even a cash grab. Meyer had a story she wanted to tell. No one writes books to get rich.
Except maybe Dan Brown.
Medic_101 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 10:53:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. They may have been poorly written but they were a passion project. Gotta respect that.
personablepickle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:06:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*Renowned author Dan Brown
(if you don't get the reference Google the phrase, you're in for a treat)
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:27:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The problem with Twilight isn't that it speaks to teenage girls but rather that it forces its message with wooden caricatures, loose plot structure, and worst of all, bad grammar and style.
It's great that she made money based off a book that she probably didn't mean to be popular. I hold nothing against Stephanie Meyer, besides personally thinking she's just a bad author. What I do get annoyed by is that it feels like people are excusing the book's flaws and fawning over the "romantic" characters and "engaging" plot. There are some real issues with Twilight that boil down to basic misuse of the English language, and still it somehow managed to impress a huge portion of the teenage girl audience.
caitlinreid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:02:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww shit, here we go again. If the target audience wants to read it, talks like the characters talk (or understands it) and finds it worthy then congratulations.
Shiny_Rattata ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:50:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not everything needs to be Shakespeare
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No but it could at least be GOOD writing and not the writing of bad fanfic.
Shiny_Rattata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny story - it originally was bad fanfic
BeardLover69 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is false. 50 shades of Grey was the fanfiction of Twilight. Twilight was never a fanfiction.
Shiny_Rattata ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:14:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! You are correct!
Aeikon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is true. She originally wrote it in her diary, in bits and peaces, a personal fairy tell she can go back to when she wants. A nosy friend read it and told her to complete and publish it.
SobiTheRobot ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:07:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno...I think you can still feasibly fit a love triangle into an urban pseudo-fantasy setting and not have it drain everything else. Just...make it a natural extension of the characters.
SidewaysInfinity ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:57:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the key. The characters should have a romance, not the romance some characters
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:32:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. Twilight is not subtle in the least and if a book was like a movie it would have the equivalent of subtitles on the screen the entire time saying "THIS IS A LOVE STORY. BELLA IS SUCH A LONER. EDWARD IS SO COOL."
All of the characters have informed characteristics and the romance is so forced (and don't even get me started on the Jacob vs Edward thing). Subtlety is all I ask for. It shouldn't feel like I'm reading a $.99 clearance bin pulp romance novel.
I guess what I'm saying is there just wasn't anything revolutionary about Twilight. It was written with the same grace and polish as any random, generic romance novel kept in boxes locked away in the bookstore's storeroom. Yet somehow it stood out and why that was, I simply cannot explain.
Adamdidit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:23:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why Nickelback has all of the money and we don't.
yoitsthatoneguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:57:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people don't care for subtlety in books like that. Sometimes people just want a story they can pick up, read through in a sitting, immerse themselves in some fantasy world, and not feel like they've missed something at the end. Twilight is just an easy read with a decent story.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not saying the meaning has to be hidden behind a ton of text and obscure references. I just mean that the book goes THIS IS A ROMANCE THIS IS A ROMANCE BELLA IS SO GREAT LOOK AT HER.
Like, OK, if you don't want to use subtlety as a word to describe what I'm looking for, maybe tact? Wit? Something that isn't so blatantly obvious.
yoitsthatoneguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The main point of the story is the romance, and as someone who read all the books, in my opinion it isn't overly forceful with that romance as a lot of people are making it seem. I don't know, I liked it.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:40:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Rokusi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:34:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should check out Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. There's even literal throat-ripping.
...Hm, but at the same time the vampires do also sparkle at times. Eeeevil sparkling, but sparkling nonetheless.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:49:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SidewaysInfinity ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:56:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely one for Japan. Watching it, you'll see a lot of anime cliches and tropes in much the same way Seinfeld is full of things you've seen a million times in other sitcoms. Because both invented these tropes.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's always a market for any idea, just so long as it's not forced and cliche. I'm pretty sure you could market an engaging vampire thriller in some way.
blebblee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sookeh.
SergeantRegular ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:37:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a fanfic (I know, I know) a few years ago, called "Luminosity" that did a decent job of removing a lot of the stupid from Twilight. They added a few characters, mostly later on, that had some different special abilities, but the only major change was that Bella was no longer stupid.
If you've nothing better to do, it's an interesting read.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha. Right. For what it was meant to be, it hit the mark - I think the trouble I have with it (and why I thought "should") is that it's set in a naturally dark and gritty universe. It's just hard to open up a world with warring monsters, violence, and death, and end up glossing over a lot of that for the sake of a fluffy romance. But that's the case with a lot of YA fiction, which I know has to be that way in order to appeal to younger readers looking for darker themes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cha-Le-Gai ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:21:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every part of life revolves around just making life really difficult for teenage girls. Even stuff for them just leaves them with terrible expectations.
yoitsthatoneguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Stephenie Meyer accomplished exactly what she wanted to with the series.
henry_tbags ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 03:25:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, vampire mythology has been done to death in many other series. The idea that a teenage girl would care more about her love life in the midst of a great inter-species conflict is a fun idea, I just think it was executed in the most shallow and boring way possible.
ndstumme ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:39:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing with the sparkly skin. The idea that vampires avoid sunlight for some reason other than it hurts them is a pretty cool idea. I wouldn't have gone with glittering diamond skin, but it's still a fun thought. Every other story I've read either has vampires hurt by the sun, or it doesn't affect them at all.
The premise -and even the worldbuilding- had so much potential, but it wasn't very well executed in the end.
doylehargrave ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:50:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a 25 year old dude who's embarrassed to admit I kind of enjoyed aspects of Twilight - both books and films - I'm glad you mentioned the world building. Say what you will about Meyer's writing. The dialogue isn't great, the plot elements aren't great, etc etc. But one thing she nailed was building the world Bella lived in - a small town in the Pacific Northwest. She did a good job making you feel like you were in Forks, I think. I really loved the setting.
ndstumme ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, same thing here, buddy. 25 dude that only praises it on the internet.
easy506 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:09:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
33 year old male that read the series but refuses to admit it to people in person...
I like the world building and backstory, and it definitely was a "page turner". My issue with the story was 1. The vampires needed tweeking, 2. I wanted Bella rewritten as a stronger character.
There are some aesthetic changes I would have made to the vampires, notably the sparkling thing. I am not adverse to vampires walking in sunlight, but I feel like a better explanation was needed.
Bella is sort of infuriating. She is honestly a sort of dangerous role model for young girls and the overall plot teaches a dangerous lesson: Your first love is the only one that will ever matter. If it doesn't pan out, don't try to get over it, just shut down your entire life until the situation works itself out because nothing else in your existence will ever matter. Also, friendzoning some poor sap will help you through the lean times.
Her lack of free will bugged the piss out of me too, given that Edward was such a control freak. There were several instances where Bella really needed to dig in and put her foot down but she always ended up doing what he wanted cuz his eyes were smoldering or whatever the fuck. This is also not a cool thing to teach a 14 year old in the throes of puberty's hormone binge.
My only other gripes are small ones. Jacob's story resolved a little too perfectly (infant girlfriend weirdness aside). And not resolving the thing with the Volturi in any kind of satisfying way was really annoying too. The full-on Vampire Braveheart shit from the movie should have been the ending.
Alright, all done emasculating myself. Gonna blast heavy metal and drive to work really aggressively now.
yoitsthatoneguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
24 year old male here that read and enjoyed them as well, the only person that knows I've read them is my high school librarian.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with you about that. I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, and there's something a little magical about the opening to the series. I'm not a fan of the series itself, but I have gone back to re-read the first bit of book one, because I like that she can take me home in a way.
So thank you for pointing that out. Despite what I said above, I agree that there are good things going on (and I should have been more careful with my wording - she wrote for a different demographic, and she made that work) I just wish the rest of it could have risen to the occasion a bit.
aviddivad ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:38:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably because it was a romance novel?
that's like saying Star Wars should've been a World War 2 movie
RandySavagePI ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:18:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patton, ich bin deine father.
The_Last_Leviathan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:50:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
RandySavagePI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:51:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The shitty German was intentional
dinosauroth ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I remember right, Stephanie Meyer got the idea for Twilight from a dream she had where a vampire was telling a woman how hard it was to love her so much when he felt constantly compelled to drink her blood.
The tortured-vampire-love-story idea and related concepts have totally been done before, notably by Buffy. However I think this core idea of a man fighting his inner urges for the sake of a woman he loves is compelling enough and was at the core of enough of Twilight that this accessible incarnation really spoke to "the masses."
This is especially true for teenage girls who, consciously or not, I think recognize the metaphor where it comes to male figures in their lives. Men can offer comforting protection, but their relative strength and power is also frightening. Men's sexuality can offer romance and exciting expressions of love, but it also lies behind the underlying ever-present threat of sexual assault that pubescent girls are only just beginning to be aware of. Louis C.K. puts it well.
So while Twilight might not be "good" in a literary sense (I haven't read it and don't intend to), it definitely provoked something in the public consciousness in a way that most authors and artists only dream of doing.
UnicornBestFriend ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:36:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes... but it's also soft core romanterotica for teenage girls - it evokes that aching teen longing for love, approval, touch so well and stirs the same feelings in its most ardent fans.
Ok, at one point, Edward is holding Bella in a tent to keep her warm and then Jacob comes in and has to take off his shirt bc duh werewolves are like walking space heaters. So here's Bella, sandwiched btw two guys who want to do her and be her boyfriend forever and save her from the vamps trying to kill her.
Srsly.
I don't think it hasn't much to do with men being scary, though there are "dangerous" men in the book. It sells the fantasy of a White Knight who will save you, love you, watch over you, and want to do you but will restrain himself in order to marry you. He also stays young forever and has superpowers, both of which he will grant you. Hell, Jacob basically devotes himself to Bella's daughter as soon as he sees her after she's born. That girl will never have a shitty date in her life.
I think its message is a little sketchy bc its unrealistic to think that kind of devotion is real or even healthy (get your milady's outta here!) and I had to comment bc I'd hate to see Twilight get more credit than it deserves. What it tells young women is that a man who feels really intensely towards you - even in an unhealthy way - is probably just really into you and wants to be with you forever and you can totally trust him bc all your dreams will come true.
What a crock of shit!
LibraryLass ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:26:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly most of the supporting characters are at least a little interesting, Meyer just picked the three boringest people in the book to be the main characters.
hurrrrrmione ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:09:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bella is specifically written as an audience surrogate - a protagonist not given many personal traits except vague and/or common ones to their demographic group (eg a teenager who feels unattractive for no particular reason) in order for the intended audience to relate to the character by filling in the gaps with their own traits and experiences. This makes Bella come across as generic and boring to many people, especially people outside Twilight's intended audience, but also is one of the reasons why the series was so popular with the intended audience (teenage girls).
The_Last_Leviathan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:52:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what got me. The back stories of the other family members where actually not that uninteresting and some of them where fucking tragic.
fullforce098 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:30:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except without the romance stuff, the rest of the story is either generic vampire crap or absurdly outside the scope of what a vampire story should be.
The werewolves having a telepathic chatroom was kinda neat, and it made sense given that wolves are all about the pack, but other than that I can't think of anything about the supernatural parts of those books that was actually interesting.
Why are the vampires basically fucking X-Men? Each one has their own unique super power to the point there's one at the end that's literally bending elements like the god damn Avatar.
They're already immortal, nigh indestructible, super fast, super strong, ludicrously heightened senses, what the hell else do you need to be able to kill your human prey??
hurrrrrmione ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:01:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually not correct. Some vampires have special unique powers, but most don't. Bella just happens to get involved with a 'family' (the Cullens are not biologically related) where two of the members have special abilities, and events lead her to meet the Volturi, the unofficial rulers of the vampire world who choose vampires with special abilites to join their ranks.
MY-SECRET-REDDIT ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:17:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
isnt that more common to vampires? its a thing in the anne rice vampires. though twilight vampires are stupifly powerful for the story theyre in.
EntropicReaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
idk maybe while vampires subsisted on regular humans, they were a eugenics experiment in order to fight some other crazy cthulhu type shit
maybe theyre psykers or something and are going to culminate in a godlike being to bring humanity into its next phase of evolution and lead them across the galaxy
zuppaiaia ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:48:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read it as a teen romance and I liked it, actually. I think the problem here is people wanting a dark fantasy story, when the intentions of the author was to write a teen romance. My opinion comes from the fact that I've read tons of teen romance and sci-fi/fantasy/horror stories, I'm a fan of both (what can I do, teen drama is my guilty pleasure...) and I've recognized the structure and features of the first, but nothing of the second. I don't think Meyer is a bad writer, I think she's misunderstood and read by the wrong base.
ArionVII ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:35:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/mzm9d/up_vs_twilight/c354zbz/
luxeaeterna ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:34:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might be interesting to you, but you aren't the demographic for a reason. I'm not saying those books are good but some people like to read about romance.
thenerdyglassesgirl ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:02:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty much how I feel about Twilight. There's actually some pretty good backstories to most of the vampires, and lore to the vampires and werewolves in general, but the stupid love triangle and teenage angst kind of ruins it all.
lolredditor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So like anne rice or early laurell k hamilton? They already had those books, hers was obviously supposed to be more light.
LeibnizIntegralKeks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read luminosity then.
DomLite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:36:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to force myself through the first book just to see what all the fuss was about but the writing was absolutely insufferable, which is a shame. Aside from the vampires sparkling I thought there were some interesting ideas there, like people being turned via a vampire venom and various people having special abilities that are amplified when turned. That could have made a really cool action series about vampires, but instead it turned into some bitch whining for three books about how her boyfriend was hot but somehow everything was also terrible?
The_Last_Leviathan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True. Also, some of the back stories of the other family members where much more interesting than anything that had to do with the three main characters, expanding on those a bit more would have made the book much better.
LiterallyJackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like The Hunger Games!
drdownvotes12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What potential was that? The vampires sparkled in sunlight, and the main ones didn't drink human blood. Most of the main vampire group go to fucking high school during the day despite the fact that they were all definitely old enough to be/act like mature adults when they were bitten. The later books add some extra vampire shit which is a little more typical, but there's still nothing particularly dark or gritty. At least no more dark and gritty than any other vampire story.
MaddoxJKingsley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:42:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The link u/ArionVII put gives a different interpretation. I quite like it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/mzm9d/up_vs_twilight/c354zbz/
Fastfingers_McGee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that king romance...
Korpse223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only if Randal Flagg gets to be Bella though. Gotta tie in that DT universe somehow.
teskham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The biggest waisted potential of twilight is not following the story of the Cohen's father. His back story had so incredible potential has a young adult fiction, especially one aimed at teenage boys.
Vilokthoria ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:48:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Many if not most vampires in Twilight had really interesting backgrounds. Not gonna lie, if Meyer released those as new novels I'd probably pick them up and feel some teenage nostalgia.
Jasper was cool, too. But Meyer kinda released something similar with that 3.5 book about the vampire army you see in the Twilight series.
PM_Me_AmazonCodesPlz ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 04:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It started out as 50 shades of grey fan fiction.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:50:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
PM_Me_AmazonCodesPlz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn it.
Shamwow22 ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 03:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are rumors that a boy at school is a 400-year old vampire. They all laugh about it, but then Bella finds out that the boy she's dating is actually the vampire.
After an initial period of shock and denial, Bella decides that it might actually be kind of cool to live as a vampire, and that she's willing to let Edward bite her... but he tells her that he could never subject anyone else to that kind of curse. So, he decapitates her before cannibalizing her body and drinking her blood.
What a jerk.
yenwood ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:27:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edward's family were "vegetarians". They only drank the blood of animals and swore to not hurt humans.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 08:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh so they annoyed all the other vampires with their vegan shit...
LawnShipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diesel-electric bat forms
Shamwow22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:43:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it's a Stephen King story, so it has to be fresh human blood now.
Throwawaymyheart01 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:34:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read a book through the eyes of Charlie trying to manage the creepy goings on of a sleepy coastal town, racial tension between whites and the tribe, mysterious killings, and his moody teenage daughter moving to town because of his flighty ex-wife's shenanigans.
filipelm ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:37:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice doing Twilight is where it's at.
ArmandTanzarianMusic ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:33:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waaaaaay more gay overtones. About as much brooding though.
inspektorkemp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And now with 200% more legal persecution!
SoManyQs_SoLilTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to read that too
LadyLexxi ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:39:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the scene where the vampire performs a C section with his teeth would remain exactly the same
GoblinQueen93 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:20:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit I was going to say Stephen king and 50 shades of grey, but yours is better!
olfilol ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:46:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gerald's Game!
TheOtherSon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:53:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What you really need is 50 Shades of Grey by Bret Easton Ellis!
CloseFirst ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:17:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I disagree. I want Twilight to stay just as it is, but have Stephen King write the sequels. Let it start off as a love story between a thousand year old undead being and a 16 year old girl, then start to get creepy.
yenwood ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:29:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, because the 114* year old undead being WATCHING HER SLEEP wasn't creepy at all.
LoremasterSTL ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:56:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given his criticism of Twilight, it would bd interesting to see how King thought it should have gone.
EndlessArgument ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:42:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What I want is Twilight, by
John RingoJohn Scalzi.Where it turns out the 'Vampires' are actually nanotech-enhanced supersoldiers, designed to infiltrate and destroy unknowing colony worlds before building spaceships and expanding their infestation. Why else don't they have to breathe, except adaptation for space combat? Why else does their skin only refract under high intensity light, except for laser armor? The thirst for blood drives them to infect and attack their own kind and constantly pushes them towards battle without needing to give up valuable tactical information.
'Werewolves' are actually the work of a rival faction, a neuro-plague spread through mental N-space, and using forced mating procedures once infected(imprintation) to expand N-Space compatible genomes throughout the population before joining the collective and going to war against the Nano-Lords.
These tactics have worked on a million worlds, but on Earth, they ran into a problem; Humans have 'talents' never seen before, talents that give the vampires powers and the will to resist and control the initial vampire population explosion, and talents that allowed the werewolves to reform the neuroplague into something in accordance with their beliefs in the spirit world.
Now, the date is 2263, and the Volturi Vampire Lords and the Werewolf Protectorate, under the Quileute High Council, have allied to build the first in a new generation of warships; warships designed to enter them as a third faction in the galactic war that has gone on for uncounted millennia.
The battle for humanity's future in the stars has begun.
unaccompanied_sonata ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:03:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read this..
Valdrax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:21:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is 10x better than Weber's Out of the Dark.
...Which is like this only with 3 identical Tom Clancy characters who have a boner for hardware stats and have lost their families and have nothing to lose, an irrelevant author self-insert about being self-sufficient in the woods, and the plot twist only happening in like the last two chapters while we're left starving for more about the aliens who are significantly more fun than all of the humans.
mudgetheotter ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Team Barlow, represent!
zombiemakemelol ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:41:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin Twilight. We win, because all the characters die.
ZanzabarOHenry ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean 'Salem's Lot? Yeah, way better
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same sappy story, but written soooo much better
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:29:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That actually could be really good. Some of the background lore for twilight is interesting.
LivingDeadGuuurl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:28:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2 of my favourite things.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read the fuck out of this
IcePhoenix18 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say this.
I'd definitely read it.
coreyisthename ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The endings would just suck
MustBeThursday ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:21:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do we really need Twilight to be 400 pages longer though?
BooiScaredU015 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Image that guy rewriting Hunger Games....everything would be terrifying. Especially the Capitol mutts!
EightsOfClubs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:14:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For that matter, Anne Rice.
Or wait... someone should write some erotic fanfiction about Twilight characters... they could probably publish it with some slightly altered names and eventually depart from the vampire shit and make MILLIONS.
ExoticsForYou ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say Moby Dick, but I like that better.
Drachefly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:50:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For people interested in Twilight covers, there is one. Not Stephen King style - rationality style. Peculiar style, as it's told from a peculiar viewpoint.
ButterThatBacon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still a better love story than Twilight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean would it be the exact opposite of Twilight? Would they never not be fucking?
WetNasty ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:22:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The love triangle would probably switch to the teenage girl, her father and the thousand year old vampire.
CooterSam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read that!
ItsPronouncedMo-BEEL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll just leave this here.
RIP Bill Paxton
Wannabkate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice, twilight.
earthlybeets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Twilight is basically a cover of The Vampire Diaries... so that would make it a cover of a cover...
TheMiseryChick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah not really, love triangles are just a really old and well used trope.
earthlybeets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't say it was a good cover.
TheMiseryChick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:29 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No biggie, just pointing out both Twilight and and The Vampire Diaries are both based around the love triangle trope, but Twilight is not a cover of The Vampire Diaries.
earthlybeets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:33 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first comment was half in jest, lol. I am pretty sure that Meyers did not intentionally try to re-write The Vampire Diaries.
TheMiseryChick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:10 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh sorry, yeah then that comment is funny haha.
Getoutabed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Sleepwalkers. It's already done
SnapeWho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He essentially did do a cover of Of Mice and Men when he wrote Blaze.
oheilthere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my first thought too! Then I thought Scott Westerfeld would do a solid job with it. Actually Scott Westerfeld should have done the host too.
TheMiseryChick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine that would actually turn out really fantastic.
24delfi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol! That's the first thing I thought of too :)
NegativeGhostrider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would probably make the story tolerable.
BakingPanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twist? The vampires are aliens!
GaryV83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotta take it a step backwards.
50 Shades of Grey by Stephen King
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice, Twilight.
We may actually get a decent vampire that way...
friedmaninparis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a story in Trust No One, an X-files short story collection, that is very near to this.
jamaicanhopscotch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has kind of already done this
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it'd finally be good?
vale-tudo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna go with Clive Barker, but okay.
LawnShipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd go the other way and hand it to Chuck Palahniuk.
surfnsound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:07:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha. I was thinking Stephen King, Babysitter's Club
Rudaunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would actually be tempted to read it
blackcoffiend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All hail the emperor of ice cream!
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:02:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a book I could get into!
Binda33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would have the worlds most sparkly scary vampires. I'm scared just thinking about that combination.
Red_J2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Duuuude. That would be so goddamn good.
headrush46n2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would start out with the same angsty love story bullshit. Then at about page 80 Pennywise, Flagg or Barlow would show up and eviscerate the whole fucking town. Metrosexual vampires and all...
headrush46n2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. Stephanie Meyer " The Dark Tower" all fucking 8 of them.
misfitx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would give the poor guy nightmares!
youngvenus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I came here to say this
michi-e ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:31:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still a better love story than twilight.
Pishwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's funny because King really hates that series...but you get the feeling he'd maybe like to rewrite it to make it better.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read it lol would be a better love story than Twilight even if he didn't write it as a love story.
blockcut19 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Just...no.
Irishperson69 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:21:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 99% sure he detests twighlight, making this even better
Mr_Shav ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:44:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still a better love story than twilight
EmeraldFlight ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THIS HAS FUCKING CONVINCED ME
THAT AUTHORS NEED TO 'COVER' NOVELS
SOMEONE MAKE A FUCKIGN KICKSTARTER
OpossumEmperor ยท 1093 points ยท Posted at 02:15:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's Inferno by Stephen King
ExpatTeacher ยท 303 points ยท Posted at 04:06:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So. Stephen's Inferno, then
[deleted] ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 07:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's Stephen
NickJerrison ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 10:50:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ship it.
SirAdrian0000 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:24:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dantes inferno by Larry Niven.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_(Niven_and_Pournelle_novel)
dcnblues ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:21:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Highly recommended. With one small update: Satan chewing on Judas, Hitler, and Rupert Murdoch.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, stealing money is terrible and all, but I really don't think that is on par with betraying and killing the son of god (if you believe in that) or you know, the whole Hitler situation.
I guess I feel Hitler is a worthy addition. But Murdoch is just a criminal. 100 years from now, some random vr redditor will spout some bs about the 7th level of Hell and Hitler will still be there, will Murdoch?
dcnblues ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think about all the shit in the world right now, the possible end of democracy, end of the EU, brexit, Trump starting a nuclear war, Etc. All because Rupert Murdoch wanted to profit from the destruction of the world. You literally have the White House, Senate and Congress controlled by people who don't believe in science. And this is accepted as normal in the most powerful country in the world. Who is responsible for this? It could get a lot worse. We could be good headed back towards the 8th century...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:51:54 on July 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry Murdoch is not responsible for all of this. Even if it is as bleak as you write.
If I had to boil it down to a single man Hitler, Goebbels, Goring are good candidates. Gavrilo Princip, John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald all seem to have started or allowed to end important world events.
Even the 'good guys' take a lot of heat for parts of how it has all turned out. Truman, Mark Sykes/Francois Picot, Reagan all made decisions that fundamentally changed regions of the world if not the entire thing.
Other times it was folks like Nixon, Bush 2 or Merkel who through incompetence or naivety have allowed things to happen that threatened everything.
Hell even Marx/Engels, Adam Smith, John Locke could all be blamed for this.
The forces that pull at all 7 billion of us to act as we do are so much bigger than any man can control. In the short term, sure. but the externalities involved in any man made effort are unfathomable prior to execution.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES!
elvismcvegas ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:12:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already did this. It's just called inferno. It's about a sci-fi writer who goes to hell for making up a religion and uses his knowledge of dantes inferno to escape. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inferno_(Niven_and_Pournelle_novel)
largelyuncertain ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:31:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit, L. Ron Hubbard might be trying to get BACK?!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown
LadyLigeia ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:36:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown is the deepest circle of hell.
Drachefly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:06:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, he went to hell for being too wishy-washy. He was threatened by a demon for his making up a religion when he claimed he didn't belong in a particular place.
RonWisely ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:22:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite
Mellonhead58 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:15:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He gets to heaven and decides he prefers hell
stripes361 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dante's Inferno by Stephen King" by C.S. Lewis
rockidol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about Dante's Inferno by Miguel de Cervantes
OpossumEmperor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Dantes Inferno by Haruki Murakami
user0621 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:52:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An updated Inferno would be pretty cool. Dante used actual notables for the suffering souls he encountered, it might be neat to see fatty arbuckle or Kurt cobain talk to Dante.
Santurechia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's inferno, by Marquis de Sade
OpossumEmperor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:31:39 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whips and chains
SuperFLEB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Add in "modernized", and I'm sold.
Giraffozilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's divine comedy
litprofessor4321 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
Rahsgym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be absolutely amazing.
kirokatashi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:50 on September 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inferno - by Dr Seuss.
Tenwaystospoildinner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:47 on October 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Expect some great build up as we get a terrifying tour through hell, with an ultimately disappointing climax when we finally meet Lucifer in the depths of the iciest parts of hell.
It's the Stephen King way!
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
organizedchaos5220 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SSSSSLLLAAAYYYY QUUUUEEENNN
SchuetzeP ยท 2577 points ยท Posted at 00:44:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Harry Potter
RIP Terry.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 634 points ยท Posted at 00:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read a Terry Pratchett take on a Tom Clancy or Michael Crichton novel.
BlackeeGreen ยท 436 points ยท Posted at 03:35:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mikey_B ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this from Discworld? I've never heard it but it's fantastic.
BlackeeGreen ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 04:43:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Last Continent! I really love the plotline with the Wizards and Mrs. Whitlow.
FatherChunk ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 10:39:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jokes on you Terry, I took my ebook reader on my last holiday and read Night Watch.
infernal_llamas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:30:07 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely not based on Australia mate me old cunt.
Mind the drop-bears.
TheMysteriousMid ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 02:30:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pratchett taking a go at Le Carre' or Flemming would be interesting.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 02:33:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Spy Who Came in from Ankh Morpork/ DiscWorld is Not Enough, if you will.
atomfullerene ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 03:09:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glodfinger
R_M80 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:55:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
excuse me I think I have some fanfiction to write
DontYouDare ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:33:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made my evening! Thank you.
BlackeeGreen ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:27:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually laughing out loud right now
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:02:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AMAZING thank you
SteampunkBorg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:46:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I have tea in my nose. I hope you are happy.
TheMysteriousMid ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:35:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first one could be a pretty good Vimes/Vetinari story.
BjornStrongndarm ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Genua With Love
shawnisboring ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:40:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't read too much Pratchett, but I feel Nick Harkaway gets close to what this would be like.... bonus points for be Le Carre's son.
Particularly with Tigerman and Angelmaker.
buzzer0214 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:30:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A man is not dead while his name is still spoken
-Terry Pratchett
MacDerfus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you're typing his name.
whisperingsage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:48 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people read words out loud. They type words out loud.
SchuetzeP ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 00:49:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair I have not read too many anglophone authors... so these universes just seemed to fit together well enough. But a Pratchett version of a Clancy? Sounds not like something old Terry would've enjoyed writing. not enough fantasy and ridiculousness involved...
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 00:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like it would have gotten really interesting if he were confined by the world of Clancy. I feel like he'd manage to pull the literary equivalent of a MacGuyver invention- using strange combination of mundane world shit to make something truly unusual. I think it would have really challenged him to write in the mundane world, and I think he would have risen to the challenge.
SchuetzeP ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 00:56:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I recall correctly he wrote novels that are set in reality...?
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 01:15:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I didn't realize that. I'm only familiar with DiscWorld stuff. I'll have to look into that.
mythology_guy ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:53:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good Omens was set on Earth, if not "in reality." It's amazing, I really recommend it!
SchuetzeP ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:56:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I may be mistsken
Smooth_Trumpeteer ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:17:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did both in and outside of his Discworld universe. The Science of Discworld and its 3 sequels are the Wizards using Hex to simulate a world without magic which is named "Roundworld" aka Earth, it also takes a look at our own history and the like. The series is combination of textbook and the hilarious incompetence of the Wizards and Wizzard.
Outside of the Discworld universe he wrote a few other series. The Long Earth takes place in a universe where people can use a cheap device to travel through parallel Earths which can differ quite substantially from one dimension to the next. Its quite a good read with 5 books in the series. The Nome or Bromeliad Trilogy is a series where a tribe of tiny people suddenly learn where they came from and begin a journey to return home. Its a fun and easy read about a race very similar to Nac Mac Feegles in some ways work together and try to travel across modernish Earth. The first book starts with a tribe of 'outside' Nomes hitching a ride on a truck to a department store where they meet a tribe of 'inside' Nomes who don't believe in the 'outside' because the store has "All Things Under One Roof." Then theres the Johnny Maxwell Trilogy which is about a boy, Johnny an his friends hanging out and being put in situations which involve video game aliens, ghosts, and a time-traveling bag lady as well as wonderful subplots including bombs, video game development, and protecting important cultural locations from becoming cubicles.
Also this list isn't comprehensive by any means, there's quite a few one-off novels and collaborations that Terry worked on.
TL;DR: Terry Pratchett wrote a lot of books and they are very good.
Teh_Mongoose ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:39:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dodger.
GaimanitePkat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:20:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading Dodger reminded me of how badly I struggled with The Wee Free Men the first time I read it. For a while when I was first reading him I would have to read the book two or three times to get it all.
Teh_Mongoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it wasnt entirely up to his usual but still a fun read. All the Tiffany books were like that with me though.
IllusoryIntelligence ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:55:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heck, just for the sake of completeness he also wrote a couple of planet hopping sci-fi novels. Dark Side of The Sun and Strata. Strata was a kind of sci-fi precursor to the Discworld novels
scud121 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:29:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both of those are brilliant books, although I was into the rimworld series at the time so that might have flavoured my opinion.
Smooth_Trumpeteer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:48:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, and Strata is an excellent book.
OnAMissionFromDog ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:21:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nation was spectacular.
TempleMade_MeBroke ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:44:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIP Michael :(
First author death to hit me in the gut
IroquoisPliskeen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:19:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunt for the red october by Terry Pratchet
PapaBradford ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:42:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pratchett doing Eaters of The Dead would be cool
Whightwolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:41:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, fifth elephant?
PaxEmpyrean ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:42:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breach and clear on "Zulu" followed by a somewhat seinfeldian conversation with the best psychopomp in all of fiction. Yeah, I'd read that.
u38cg2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:39:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Long Earth series is not a million miles from something I can imagine Crichton coming up with.
ayakokiyomizu ยท 61 points ยท Posted at 02:48:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did write a book about a boy with magical powers who goes to school and proves he's quite the special one.
It ended up about as well as you'd expect from the Discworld.
Shaky_Balance ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 04:09:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought of Equal Rites as a kind of gender flipped Harry Potter. The books are more dissimilar than they are similar but the similarities are still there.
armcie ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 09:36:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recall Terry telling a story from a signing. Someone brought a book to him and said "look. I've worked it out. Ponder Stibbons, glasses, awkward boy who goes to a magical school. This is based on Harry Potter isn't it?" Terry turned to the front of the book and pointed out the 1992 publishing date.
Equal Rites was also written a decade before Potter.
OnAMissionFromDog ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 12:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I, of course, used a time machine to "get the idea" of Unseen University from Hogwarts; I don't know what Paul [Kidby, the illustrator] used in this case. Obviously he must have used something.
โ Terry Pratchett, on the similarities between Discworld and Harry Potter
petit_bleu ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:32:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love Harry Potter as much as the next guy (in 5th grade I just read the series over and over again, because I was convinced it was impossible for any other books to be better), but it's really derivative, and the world is riddled with plot holes. Basically it's the classic "boarding school" genre of books (which Americans are unfamiliar with, probably making HP seem more original) plus magic, with some Nazis thrown in.
MacDerfus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 16:51:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The nazis aren't even good at being nazis.
Shaky_Balance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What book does Ponder Stibbons show up in? I'm only up to Wyrd sisters so far.
And I apologize I should have been clearer. I know it very definitely was not a response to Harry Potter, there are just enough surface level similarities to have fun with.
armcie ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He first crops up in Moving Pictures, but takes a large roll in later books. And he isn't very Potteresque at all to be honest, beyond a slight similarity in appearence
GaimanitePkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally any book with the Wizards in.
I view the Discworld series as four main sub-series with a few outliers tossed in:
The Wizards sub-series (The Last Continent, Equal Rites, Hogfather, Sourcery, etc.)
The Witches sub-series (Equal Rites, Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies, Carpe Jugulum, Maskerade, the Tiffany Aching books)
The Watch sub-series (Thud, Men At Arms, Night Watch, Guards! Guards!, etc.)
Death subseries (Hogfather, Mort, Reaper Man, Soul Music).
Some of them cross over (Hogfather and Soul Music are Death + Wizards for instance) but that's how I see it. And the random outliers include Small Gods, Eric, Pyramids, The Truth, Going Postal, etc.
squigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:13:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get that a lot. Terry Pratchett deals almost exclusively in archetypes and stereotypes. You'll see similarities in all sorts of works.
Broken_Alethiometer ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 08:43:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Tiffany Aching might be Pratchett's ideological response to Harry Potter. Pratchett loves his witches. They go on these huge adventures, but their magic is practical. Their greatest strengths are their intelligence and pragmatism - thwir willingness to be honest and do the unpleasant work that needs to be done, but everyone looks down on.
Pilchard123 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:23:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And oftentimes, not even magic.
MacDerfus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:52:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
90% headology, 10% actual arcane octarine stuff when they need to work with an inanimate object.
Shaky_Balance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely. I am only on Wyrd Sisters so far but the witch magic has been my favorite thing about the world other than maybe Death.
confusedThespian ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:57:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sourcery is definitely in my top 5 of the series. Along with Mort abs Reaper Man. The other two, I'd have to rant think about.
aerojonno ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:24:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I love Pyramids as a stand alone entry.
reverendmalerik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My man!
[deleted] ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 03:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the Tiffany Aching books are basically Pratchett's version of a young coming-of-age series in a fantasy setting. Tiffany even becomes a witch... even if her "school" is just the relatively down-to-Earth rural area of the Discworld.
In terms of actual lessons and perspective, not just a series of setpieces and mysteries, the Aching series runs circles around Harry Potter.
weatherseed ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:50:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My knowledge of Harry Potter may wane with the years, but Tiff is eternal.
Broken_Alethiometer ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 08:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."
Study for your exams, Harry! Being the chosen one isn't enough!
GaimanitePkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's one of my favorite quotes of all time.
thinkscotty ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:35:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I predict that Hermoine and Cut-me-own-throat-Dibbler would NOT get along.
DrippyWaffler ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:41:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean Cut-me-own-hand-off-D'blah?
Pilchard123 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:26:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean May-I-Never-Achieve-Enlightenment Dhiblang?
totesathrowaway11 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:43:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely Disembowel-meself-honourably-Dibhala.
thinkscotty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:16:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I listen to the audiobooks...is it spelled D'Blah?
DrippyWaffler ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:23:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah it's a different character, from Om, but similar personality.
thinkscotty ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh I kind of remember that now. Shows up in the Brotha stories, right?
DrippyWaffler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. Probably my favourite book out of the Discworld series.
thinkscotty ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:33:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Small Gods? Pretty fantastic. I'm partial to the Watch series myself.
DrippyWaffler ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:36:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That seems to be the reigning champion for peoples choice.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:44:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brutha :D
josefx ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:31:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think every society on the disk has their own Cut-me-own-throat-Dibbler, each with his own questionable food products.
DrippyWaffler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My society's version sells dodgy fish'n'chups, Singaporean noodles and Chinese stir frys.
confusedThespian ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:54:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
avapoet ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:28:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
The_Antlion ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:14:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Lineofeld19 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:42:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Nibodhika ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:57:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Nerdwiththehat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:53:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
brokenboomerang ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:07:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*GNU Terry Pratchett
doomparrot42 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:50:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean the Tiffany Aching series, basically? :)
Taleya ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:01:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dumbledore in the UU.
BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
MacDerfus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:56:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would happen if you fused Dumbledore and Ridcully?
GaimanitePkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Dumbledore doesn't have any of Ridcully's pompousness and general self-centeredness. Wouldn't work.
Droofus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone both conniving and selfish? I think you would have a Saruman on your hands.
granny_weatherwax_3 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 06:52:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking this, but then decided that Neil Gaiman might do a better job of Harry Potter. And that's despite the fact that Terry Pratchett is my favourite author, as you can probably tell from my username.
fredagsfisk ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:31:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why not both of them working together? That would be optimal, I think.
viscount16 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:10:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Good Omens?
auntie-matter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:39:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean Neil Gaiman's Books Of Magic series? (which predates Rowling's work by some years)
Tim Hunter even looks like Harry Potter.
TastyBrainMeats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awn the Blink remains one of my all time favorite fictional characters.
granny_weatherwax_3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah exactly! Less comic booky though. That was a great series :)
mindbleach ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:44:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And conversely, The Color Of Magic by Kurt Vonnegut.
bobman83 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:40:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanted to say the same. That would be hilarious! GNU Terry Pratchett
Scarletfapper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:23:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called Sorcery.
TastyBrainMeats ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:10:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it Sourcery?
Scarletfapper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:05:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually I think you're right, because instead of being The Boy Who Survived he was The Boy Who Was A Source Of Magic Flowing Into The World Around Him. I seem to distinctly recall Rincewind saying "You can't just point and something and go 'Boom!' " and then blowing something up.
MacDerfus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:54:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Voldemort dies when he calls the librarian a monkey.
anathea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm..... Maybe Equal Rites?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:49:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean GNU Terry Pratchett of course.
halborn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:46:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pratchett doesn't write trash.
GaimanitePkat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:19:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett taking on any sort of classic literature, or book that kids have to read in school, would make me deliriously happy.
Ahh, unfortunately never. :(
Taladar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:44:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel Terry Pratchett couldn't do that. He is all about world building while Harry Potter is about the opposite approach to writing, make stuff up as you go along, without much care for consistency in the larger world.
Funbanana77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats what would make it so good!
Silverspy01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know why i had the scroll so far down to find this.
timtheflyingcat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That kinda exists already with Barry trotter
Tephlon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Equal Rites plays with the premise, I guess?
MrPigeon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:54:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Equal Rites was first published in 1987 - a full decade before the first Harry Potter book.
MacDerfus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:55:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but imaginie if Pterry didn't have a time machine?
Tephlon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, you thought I meant Equal Rites played with Harry Potters premise, but I meant the premise of a student of a wizard school.
But that's about it for similarities, I think. I should read it again, but I think I lent it to someone, because I can't find it. Oh well, it's not the first book of his I have to rebuy.
MrPigeon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, that's exactly what I thought you meant. Definitely agree about what you DID mean, though!
Tephlon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that Discworld?
GetBamboozledSon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddangit, now you've made me sad. I can't believe you've done this.
GazLord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really care what we'd get his version of. I just want more Terry...
RetroRocker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was having such fun reading this thread until I got to this. Now I've gone and made myself sad again...
Kalarel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:34 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd want Pratchett to cover everything, tbh
DeSk98 ยท 4903 points ยท Posted at 02:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Dr. Seuss
Steller7 ยท 11300 points ยท Posted at 02:58:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you like it in your mouth? Would you like it further south?
Death259 ยท 4168 points ยท Posted at 03:04:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would not like it in my mouth I would not like it further down south. I would not like it in my box I would not like it with more cocks.
AdvocateSaint ยท 4365 points ยท Posted at 03:10:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do not like it in that way
I do not like this, Mr. Grey
CookieOmNomster ยท 1137 points ยท Posted at 03:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The End
masterobiwan ยท 392 points ยท Posted at 03:26:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now 50 shades darker:
heisenbaby_blueberg ยท 936 points ยท Posted at 03:46:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I like it, Mr. Gray Now I like it in this way Whips and plugs and secret rooms Do you want to try a broom?
pokexchespin ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 10:51:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My brother's friend's friend told us a story about how she had a pool stick in her. Fun times
Log_Out_Of_Life ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 08:37:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sigh unzips
potterpockets ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 11:42:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now i like it extra rough. Now lets using the handcuff.
Now lets try it on the swing. Im down for quite anything.
Likesorangejuice ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 16:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love it all, just for constructive criticism I think it would flow better as "I'm quite down for anything"
MzunguInMromboo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/#notmychristian
PM_ME_CUTE_PUPPYS ยท 213 points ยท Posted at 03:38:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This book should never have been written
BDSM's bullet's already been bitten
SaintSayonara ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 08:33:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The book seriously angers me, its such a mistrepresentation of bdsm and the interaction of a "couple" into it.
just pure bullshit through and through
ChimericalRequem ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 11:10:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's just a book lol. It's not the author's job to educate anyone on BDSM.
Isaac_Chade ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:56:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't need to be their job to educate, but it is their job to actually represent things decently. I don't expect every book set in medieval times to educate on the irrigation and feudal systems of the day, but I also expect them to include knights and peasants rather than tanks and laser weapons.
BDSM is a real thing that exists, and as such it takes only a little research to understand it. And if your entire book revolves around BDSM as a core theme, then it's your job to make sure what you're writing is correct and not a bunch of utter bullshit.
PhrosstBite ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:14:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would also probably argue that it is every writer's job to write ethically. By that I mean I feel it is irresponsible for a writer to release a book which perpetuates already harmful norms in our society. Since people read these books and are informed by them in their own lives, even if subconsciously, I've always believed that an author should follow the doctor's addage of "do no harm". That's not to say that every piece of fiction needs to be a complex and well-written commentary on the societal issues we face, but only that it shouldn't romanticize harmful values which we are working hard as a society to change. Perhaps that's just me though, idk.
ChimericalRequem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree to some degree, but not fully. My main thoughts are how few books/movies/etc. we'd have if we had healthy, functioning relationships between all characters.
Take the Joker and Harlequin, for example. I've rarely seen people up in arms about their fucked up relationship. A lot of Christian's traits are actually pretty common, especially in YA romance. Without delving into personal opinions, I notice people aren't nearly as hostile towards equally (if not more) harmful books (particularly YA romance that portray watches-you-while-you-sleep-without-consent vampires as sweet and romantic.)
Another example. The game Counter Strike, a multiplayer FPS where you either play as a terrorist or defend against them. You could say the option to play as a terrorist is promoting terrorism. My ultimate question is, what's the difference here? To what extent is an author responsible for their books, movies, games, etc?
PhrosstBite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:41 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To the extent that the Joker is not a character which is depicted as desirable. Neither is Batman, really. From my understanding, some rather nasty things happen to him because he is sort of an anti-hero. But I could be wrong there, I don't quite remember. Either way, in terms of the Joker, since he is considered a "bad guy" the attributes given to him are more in the name of admonishment than anything, I would argue. Not to mention the fact that the Joker always fails, ultimately.
Edit: added a little bit
ChimericalRequem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:01 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, and neither is Harlequin. It still goes to show, though, that people will idolize something weather it's shown as a good or bad thing :/ I've seen a lot of couples on FB post Harlequin/Joker pics with captions about relationship goals or something. I've never been big into comic books, but my boyfriend is, and told me a bit about how messed up and unstable their relationship is.
spiral_divergence ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:30:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to derail this conversation, but I would totally read a medieval book with tanks and lasers
Ithelda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did she ever claim that her book was meant to represent all BDSM? It's pretty clear that Christian Grey has some serious issues, was molested by someone into BDSM, and turned to BDSM to deal with his control problems. It's not like that never happens. Not every person into BDSM is a perfectly mentally healthy individual. I keep seeing people frustrated that those books made BDSM look bad, which I get, but... it's not like it's completely bullshit that screwed up people exist who aren't the poster children of BDSM.
ChimericalRequem ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:36:33 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty true, actually. I've met plenty of people who use BDSM as an excuse for abuse. I once had a "Dom" tell me consent was something you can take from someone if they refuse to give it.
Ithelda ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:39:42 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow... that... is the exact opposite of what consent is.
ChimericalRequem ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's some people's fucked up idea of consent. I see it pretty often, actually. I sometimes hang out on Omegle on the cam side with some BDSM tags. Guys are downright fucked on there, they have no concept of consent and think because they're the Dom, it's an excuse to get everything they want and not have to care about the person they're playing with. My only comforting thoughts are 1) They may just be assholes online 2) They're on Omegle. They're probably not getting any real action anyway.
Ithelda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:35 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn, I hope they aren't. Stuff like that makes me wonder why anyone gives a damn about 50 Shades at all. You should be worried about actual people who are abusing the system in real life. Christian Grey may be a fucked up person who got into it for the wrong reasons, but at least he's super obsessed with consent.
ChimericalRequem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:42:32 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much what I think :/
sandratcellar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:26:38 on May 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, you're completely and objectively wrong in every way imaginable. BDSM is not a codified thing that you can tell someone they're doing wrong. Sadomasochist sex has existed for millennia, long before black leather was around. A small subgroup of weirdos trying to fit in with each other don't get to hijack and entire form of sexuality and tell others that they're doing it wrong.
A couple engaging in spanking during/prior to sex? That's SM. They don't need to have read a book, visited a sex shop, or joined and online group to "do it properly", because there's no such thing as "doing it properly". There are no codified rules.
ChimericalRequem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:26 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I acknowledge and respect your point, but I politely disagree. I'll present my counter arguments and would love to hear you perspective.
Your comment about representing things decently... that can be interpreted in a lot of ways, so I'l address two points. The first, representing things "morally right". In which case we could never have books that involve any aspects of abuse, or characters who make bad decisions. The second, I'll assume you mean accurately, referring to how differently Christian practices BDSM compared to any decent Dom. I'm curious why you think it's not accurate, just because it's breaking so many of BDSM's core rules. There are people in the community who are WORSE than Christian. I've met them. They're terrifyingly real. 50 Shades may not be the proper, safe, and healthy way to practice BDSM, but it's not that unrealistic.
CookieOmNomster ยท 526 points ยท Posted at 03:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One fuck, two fucks, Leave you black and blue fucks.
Thin leather, thick leather, Touch my dick with this feather
Edit: This is one of my top comments... I hope my husband never finds my profile. lmao
Cmoneysir ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 13:09:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure that's Eminem
TheSubtleSaiyan ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/thread
CypressBreeze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well now we know.
yup_username_checks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:32:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't seen the movie, but I'm pretty sure this is exactly how it goes
Butthole__Pleasures ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 04:30:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Then speak the safety word," he'd say,
"And I shall put the cane away."
But I don't want the cane to stop
I want the whip, I need the strop
Wide belts leave welts and bruises and tears
He chooses abuses with malice and care
The next strike could land any time, anywhere
I have sweat on my brow and have sweat in my hair
The ropes tie me up and I hang in the air
He won't let me go
My pussy juice runs
But he isn't finished
And won't let me cum
So nut in my butt and tell me we're done!
Xisuthrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:24:36 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out.
Butthole__Pleasures ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:10 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This thread is four months old. What the hell are you doing here?
Xisuthrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:10:26 on September 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was browsing askreddit/top and askreddit/hot at the same time and got mixed up.
Butthole__Pleasures ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:08:28 on September 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, well that's a pretty good reason. It was so weird seeing the thread title again in my inbox.
huskersax ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:19:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would not, could not, in a tree
I would not, could not, bathed in pee
I would not, could not, with such force
I would not, could not, from a horse
I do not like them Mr. Grey, not in my box, nor STDs, not wearing crocs, no anal please!
I will not eat them here or there
I do not like them rear or hair!
TiffanyBee ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 03:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So take it, far away
I do not like it, Mr. Grey
Nothing in my mouth
Nothing here down south
Not in the red room, not in the green
Not in the closet, don't be mean
I do not like it in that way
I do not like this, Mr. Grey
TestZero ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:38:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One whip,
Two whips
Red-
jordanfromjordan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But he'll keep going anyway
surfnsound ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:08:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you can stop
with your hot-dogging
I will not stand
any more flogging
Granfallegiance ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wait a two, Yes I do.
secondrousing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:45:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually accurate summary of the entire first novel, if critics are to be believed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:37:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is all perfect
OpheliaDoctorsLove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:00:14 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yes, you do! You whore, it's true!
Shut up and play my love-kazoo!
thebestisyetocome ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:33:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would not like it in my mouth, I would not like it further south. I would not like it in my box, I would not like it with more cocks. I would not like it up my ass, I would not like the moaning gasps.
fastjeff ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:35:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yet, I took it in the mouth
I took it from the south
Air filled with moans and gasps
A prisoner in silk and leather clasps
shirtlessin1stclass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:47:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't want your penis here or there, don't want your penis anywhere
bigmistakebub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is really publishable
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:00:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! The places you'll cum!
esfisher ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:39:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who cums?
Crow cums
Slow Joe Crow cums
shadytrex ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, I'd gotten the impression 50 Shades had less consent in it than that, but I haven't actually read it.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just a rumour, she was almost overly consenting the entire time, and he never did anything she didn't ask him to
Not that I particularly liked the series either way
Ithelda ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:51:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it because I started to think I was believing misconceptions about it. I was. For example you see the claim everywhere that he ignored the safe word at one point and kept going, but she used the safe word one time in all three of those books and he immediately stopped and begged her forgiveness
Death259 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, she does sign a contract in the movie, so it becomes consentual at least at some point. I don't believe she ever says no.
shoes17 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:43:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you like it in your ear? Would you like it in your rear?
JonSnowInTheTardis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:22:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you like it bound in leather? Would you like five fingers together?
IamRule34 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take out "down" and that matches the meter of a Seuss book.
ducomors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hadn't even noticed the down being there.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:10:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats to having all of your karma come from this.
Welcome to Reddit :)
Steller7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:22:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even one hit wonders are remembered...
Thanks! :)
oolivero45 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:49 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't stop laughing right now.
weavedawg74 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you would enjoy this thread then.
Dason37 ยท 1171 points ยท Posted at 03:10:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This story does the reader vex,
It's supposedly about much sex.
Before you watch, thee I must warn,
There's better plot in softcore porn.
fatiguedastronaut ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:08:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like, even ignoring all the abuse, it's just a shitty ass book.
motoko_urashima ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 06:29:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I own all three, picked them up for $2 each secondhand, never read them. I always figured I'd get people to read them drunk as a party game and record it.
squigs ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:25:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are amusingly bad if you enjoy that sort of thing (i.e. bad writing). My gf read me some. She read the "Oh my"s in a George Takei voice.
motoko_urashima ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:37 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm only farmiliar with the John St. John reading. You know, the voice actor for Duke Nukem?
sirgog ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:29:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha that is a brilliant idea
zacrd12345 ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 03:40:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looking for your own phresh kink?
If searching this book you'd best not blink.
The sex is fleeting, the tangents shear
In favor of abuse? Oh, dear.
A core as soft as you will be.
Missionary? Sigh, next please.
If to fetishes you don't protest
I'd turn away, it's for the best.
sacrosanctt ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:26:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant
TheSilverNoble ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:45:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Otherwise known as "Oh, the Places You'll Fuck?"
Monsterpiece42 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:57:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blow*
FTFY
Forever_Man ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:22:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just replace green eggs and ham with sex, and it writes itself.
Would you could you on a boat? Would you could you with a goat?
Dor333 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:21:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually think that 50 shades, or something similar, could be moderately well done. I read a few pages and writing is horrible.... the book would have improved with a better editor lol.
My vote 50 shades of Grey by Anne Rice.
inio ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:43:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh, writing as A. N. Roquelaure obviously. She could even work the vampirism back in, since it did start as a Twilight fanfic after all.
Wynter_Phoenyx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:06:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She had a really good editor, the problem was that the editor wasn't allowed to do her job because the publisher didn't want to lose the fan base that was already there.
Ossalot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think the best person to tackle 50 shades would be Jane Austen. So little happens as it is, but if you had her elegantly sarcastic tone narrating the main character's inner world (making her more interesting while we're at it), it would be way more interesting. It would also provide a neat satyrical look at today's society, what with everyone Anastasia interacts with.
Really, imo, 50 Shades is Pride & Prejudice set in today's world with the character studies cut out - and that's the part that makes P&P so good in the first place.
Dor333 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:20:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe, but personally I wish this would be a thing so I was trying to think of living authors lol.
Ossalot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good point. In that case I agree Anne Rice would do a really good job of it.
falloutgoy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:18:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One whip, two whips
Beat me black and blue whips
Iโll end up with red welts
When you hit me with a belt.
meeanne ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:26:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hop on Pop" could still possibly work as a title.
Snowed-Inn ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 19:32:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
Today I will fuck you!
My names Mr. Grey.
You have tits in your top
You have toes in your shoes
It's time that I fuck you
Any way that I choose.
A choice not your own
Cause you know what I know?
I'm the man who'll decide
Which way this thing goes.
In here things can happen
As they frequently do
To ladies as wholesome
And buxom as you.
And when things start to happen
Don't worry. Just screw!
Just go right along
You'll start happening too.
Oh the ways we will fuck!
You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
Who soar to such heights!
With tits a flip-flapping
Once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Be ready because
I'm that kind of guy.
Oh the places we'll fuck!
There is fun to be done.
There is points to be scored.
There are games to be won.
And the magical things
That I do with my balls
Will make you the winning-est
Winner of all.
BBJ_Dolch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try this
books_and_bourbon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was amazing! Thanks for linking it.
Scarletfapper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:13:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cracks knuckles
This has already been done, years before 50 Shades or even Twilight.
It was called Kinky Fun, featuring Sarah Gunn.
I can't remember the half of it, but there were definitely some choice passages:
Would you do it in a box? Would you do it with a fox?
Would you do it trussed in leather? Tickled with an ostrich feather?
Do you fancy butch or femme? Do you fancy S and M?
Wish I could remember the rest, the full version was funny as hell.
thebestisyetocome ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One cock, two cock,
White cock, blue cock
He grabbed it tight and blew the white cock,
Until the blowing blued the white into a blue cock.
I think not, Mr. Grey, I think this is very gay.
Blowing cocks and grabbing balls and gagging on each other's socks.
Finding times to give fat rides to guys who don't finish wisely.
What's that, Mr. Gray? You have came upon my face?
Please sir,
give me sir,
a bigger load that that, sir.
I need you to be
Done with me
So that I can move on to your sister.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This takes it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. This is my favourite comment thread.
mini_b ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:35:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a wocket in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
sdDewDrops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss by EL James
Alarmed_Ferret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please, check my top comment history. We already wrote it.
TheFlyingBastard ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:25:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, before I found your rendition, I ran into this highly upvoted comment:
I thought I was the only one getting sick and tired of it. Nowadays when something is a -gate, I stop taking it seriously right away because apparently it needs to reference a presidency-ending scandal to seem relevant.
Thank you for saying it and making me feel like less of a complainer.
somewhat_random ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was a DJ in college and got reprimanded for reading Green Eggs and Ham on the air: "Would you, could you... with a GOAT?"
KissTheDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chicks with dicks cum, chicks with cocks cum
Effectuality ยท 10320 points ยท Posted at 00:44:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining, Dr Seuss edition.
lurgi ยท 6418 points ยท Posted at 05:28:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sun did not shine
On the mountains of snow
So we all stayed inside
We had nowhere to go.
I sat there with daddy
And mommy as well
And I said "I do not like
This Creepy Hotel"
To cold to go out
And no friends I could find
So I sat in my room
While my dad lost his mind
And all he could do was to sit, sit, sit, sit
And dad did not like it.
Not
One
Little
Bit
misa1233 ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 10:28:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YOu just made my day
RevolverOcelot420 ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 11:14:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What are you doing here?" Wendy heard Jack say
She could tell from his face he was in a bad way
"I just came to talk" she whispered, loud as she was able
Jack simply smiled and leaned on the table
"What do you want to talk about?" But poor Wendy knew
She had nothing to talk about, and nothing to do.
"I don't know" she croaked, and Jack lightly smiled.
He paused for a moment, just a little while
"Maybe it was about Danny?
Was it about him?
We should talk about Danny.
We should talk about him.
What should we do with Danny?
What should we do with him?"
whisperingsage ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 09:17:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Danny are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you okay Danny?
BatmanCabman ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 21:08:24 on July 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/UnexpectedSmoothCriminal
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 10:16:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
topkatten ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 11:40:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no turning back, said the man dressed in black.
Friends you will find, in all different kinds, one is a lady with two sets of minds. One likes the smack and to fly as a kite, am I right? All of your friends will make you humbler, even the eenie-weenie billybumbler.
Most precious of all is a child, sweet and dear. None of the above will cover in fear, as the tower draws near, it's almost right here!
But Roland Deschain, it will all be in vain. The love and the fights and the long days and nights. Alone you will be, though the tower you'll see. All out of gist, and fire and steam, it was true as they said.. All, things, serve the beam.
keeperofcats ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:03:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow - well done!
The_DOLL_queen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 18:40:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My god, that was almost as unsettling as The Shinning.
azriam_ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:40:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking amazing.
dinotoggle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:13:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/bestof
srs_house ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:18:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more nonsense words, this just reads like Twas the Night Before Christmas.
Naggins ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:51:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. More internal rhymes as well. The Dr Suess' 50 Shades version from further up was better, and that was just a rip off of Green Egss and Ham.
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done!
thenosehaircut ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gave me goosebumps in the end!
iredditfrommytill ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:28:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nailed it ๐
Ridry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:29:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done, in my head this sounds like the Cat.
JonhaerysSnow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:38:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone get this man some gold, goddammit!
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:08:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done
Sergeant-sergei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your username.
What does it mean?
lurgi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:48:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a reference to an old BBC radio comedy show called "The Goon Show". "Lurgi Strikes Britain" was one of their better known episodes, featuring a fictional disease called "lurgi" which causes people to shriek "Yakaboo!" and was invented as part of a scheme to sell musical instruments.
I am not making any of this up.
Sergeant-sergei ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:52:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, ok. Lurgi means blue in Georgian and I thought that's where the name came from. Is goon show good?
lurgi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If surreal, anarchic 1950s era British comedy is your thing, then yes. Otherwise, probably not.
Prince Charles is a big fan, which is definitely some sort of recommendation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's cool, I always just thought it was rhyming slang or something for being ill.
Picsonly25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are talented.
rdto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is beautiful
Slumbering_Chaos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is great. seriously great. This would be a great back cover copy.....Someone needs to draw the cover for this in Seuss style......
kaklingkiki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:43:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant! Bravo! Encore!
edgeblackbelt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit son. That's good.
PointFiveWayThere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very nice
Psychopathetic- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:02 on August 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually amazing, i need this
MistaCatballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate you
Bouperbear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome
lukesnofluke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:39:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This got gold despite the can th Typo?
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3866 points ยท Posted at 00:46:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Way up in the mountains, It's winter at the Overlook Hotel, Jack and his family move in and find that it's a gateway to Hell.
ketryne ยท 9109 points ยท Posted at 01:02:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's too coherent for Dr. Seuss...
It's very high /
It's very glook /
Jack moves into The Overlook
He sees it now /
He sees it well /
Jack finds a gateway into HELL!
Edit:
With utmost respect /
Dear Reddit reader /
Please do not upvote a poet with no meter.
Wow I'm astonished someone liked this enough for gold! Thank you!
[deleted] ยท 742 points ยท Posted at 02:23:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
SupaKoopa714 ยท 230 points ยท Posted at 03:56:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Run to the maaaaaze!
Jack wants your liii-eee-iiiife!
Run to the maaaaaze!
Jack wants your liiiiiiiife....
Pokesers ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:22:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvote for Maiden
NobilisUltima ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 04:18:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's because
"he sees it now / he sees it well"
is so similar to
"we fought him hard / we fought him well".
Obviously the whole thing matches up, but that line was almost certainly what associated the two in your subconscious.
jimjomjimmy ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:27:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew it sounded familiar but for some reason I was thinking it was a Metallica song that I was thinking of.
polaroidgeek ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 03:36:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanitarium
jimjomjimmy ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:43:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES! I knew I wasn't going crazy.
polaroidgeek ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:44:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Annnnnnd now I'm gonna cue up Master of Puppets.
Solid_Freakin_Snake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:33:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never a bad idea.
RIP Cliff
northrupthebandgeek ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:51:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ต Run fo or your li i iiiiiives ๐ต
inkisdorian ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:16:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can not unread
GibsonJunkie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my first thought as well.
PlayMp1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I was reminded more of Somewhere in Time, but I literally just listened to that album again today.
THAT_IS_MY_PORPOISE ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it like Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
Literary_Analysis_4U ยท 126 points ยท Posted at 03:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this post, author, /u/ketryne presents a Suessian interpretation of the classic Stephen King novel "The Shining." His key point is to demonstrate that the whimsical non-coherence of Dr. Suess aligns with the non-coherant insanity of "The Shining's" antagonist, Jack, as he embraces the darkness of the Overlook Hotel. In this way, /u/ketryne's post rejects the duality of man and how he chooses to accept the unpredictability of life and potential possession by demonic forces. While one would assume a Suessian narrator would overcome such forces with colorful illustrations and zany rhymes it soon becomes apparent that this will not be the case.
In the first stanza the author very rationally sets the scene for the rest of the poem. The only exception is the term "glook" which hints at the Suessian journey the reader is about to embark on. However, the lack of rhyme or meter sets the tone that something is slightly off with the narrator.
The second stanza continues to toy with the reader, implying that the unreliable narrator sees "it." The final line of the poem hits the reader like Chris Brown after a night of drinking, as the reader realizes that the narrator has been overtaken by the darkness. This leads the reader to the poem's final conclusion, that there is nothing holding society together except a thin veil of sanity and that the only duality which man has is which insanity he will feed.
ketryne ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:17:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So this is what people do with English degrees... But all jokes aside, this is the best literary analysis I have ever seen!
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:10:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please write my English essay for me
GetThere1Time ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:13:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was expecting this to end with the undertaker
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:08:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throwing mankind off of hell in a cell in 1998?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this!
zotquix ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:32:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will try to kill you in a maze, Through a snowy winter haze.
You will not kill us in a maze, In a snowy winter haze.
You will not kill us in the bedroom
Where the wall's adorned with "redrum"
You will not kill us in the hall
You will not kill us at all.
This new job has brought our family no joy,
This hotel is filled with ghost that annoy,
Scatman's journey is a futile envoy
All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.
screwdrivercat ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:47:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
where's u/poem_for_your_sprog when you need them
ketryne ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 02:51:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I not good enough for you!?!!!? :(
screwdrivercat ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no yours was great!!! never give up!!! don't let your dreams be dreams!!!
Cloud_Chamber ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:16:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except the scary ones, let those dreams die
famalamo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:27:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course not! This is the Internet. There's always someone more qualified.
Don't agree? Well, I wrote this comment, and you can bet your bottom dollar there's someone scrolling by who could word this better.
StamatopoulosMichael ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:13:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't tell me /
What to do on Reddit /
Upvoted purely for the edit.
continuallykelly ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:28:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Re: your edit --
Not sure how much Seuss you have read, but he rarely conforms to meter, so you actually hit that rather spot on.
He's famous for his invented, nonsensical words, though. If you were asking for recommendations on improvement, I'd suggest sprinkling in a few more. ("Glook" was excellent!) You aren't, though, so I won't suggest it.
Source: read the entire Seuss library an obscene number of times. (Tonight was Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?, Oh! The Places You'll Go!, and The King's Stilts.)
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 211 points ยท Posted at 01:27:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They thought that he died/ they thought that he froze/ but the truth! Only a little dog named Max/ really knows!
kilopeter ยท 435 points ยท Posted at 01:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The metre, it burns!
thaliart ยท 183 points ยท Posted at 02:31:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Walken reads Dr. Seuss
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:36:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
thaliart ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:38:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher, ehhuhh WALKen. Reads, DOCTOR.... Seuss
AssaultedCracker ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should not do this anymore
YelIowmamba ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:30:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stop dude
Fereta ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:48:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao you're just getting roasted hahaha
royisabau5 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:14:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You tried :-)
GMY0da ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:30:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
change middle line to "only a dog named max knows" and merge with line 4?
tinynewtman ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:02:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack rode to the hotel /
the Overlook Inn /
and searched for a place /
for his work to begin.
He went upstairs and down /
even searching the well /
for the perfect foundation /
of a gateway to Hell.
Mike81890 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:25:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we posters have offended /
think but this and all is mended /
that you have but brow-sed here /
while these shitposts did appear
genderboxes ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:43:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't get rid of the Babadook
jub_jub_jr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:58:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That movie scared the shit out of me.
chimchar66 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why can't you just be normal?
*Autistic Screeching*
FiveMinFreedom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:09:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last one about the gold doesn't fit the rythm
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:45:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is terrifying.
mifan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:16:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My only knowledge of Dr. Seuss is from Horton. But everytime he's mentioned here, brilliant poems shows up. Did he really always write like this?
weliveintheshade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:42:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All work no play, he can't relax.
He takes to wooden door with axe.
Enraged attacks! a few more whacks!
a Redrum face peers through the cracks.
He is not happy, glad or bonnie,
OH NO! here's Jack!
OH NO! here's Johnny!
polaroidgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reads like Metallica lyrics.
Suffix-099 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this in the puffs plus lotion narrators voice
NettlesOnMyTeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whether it's in a look...
xMichaelLetsGo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Seuss a bad poet?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it has a meter. It's iambus.
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say your rhythm was much better
newinmalaga ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:23 on September 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(without any meter)
dropkickderby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was that? huh?
A knock at the door?
Here's Jack, no, JOHNNY, hungry for gore.
feureau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give them an inch, and they go for gold.
GameRoom ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 02:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need to have meter.
Way up in the mountains, at Overlook Hotel
Jack and his family find the gateway to Hell
JimmyLegs50 ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 02:44:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still off.
Way up in the mountains, a haunted hotel Shows Jack and his family the gateway to Hell
EDIT: I just realized that this only works if you read "family" as having only two syllables. "Fam-lee". Clearly I'm a yank who has corrupted the Queen's English.
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:45:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for being the first one in this thread to grasp anapestic tetrameter.
Laribold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Up in the mountains, Overlook Hotel // Shows Jack and family the way to Hell.
Iambic pentameter.
AssaultedCracker ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is horrid iambic pentameter, but more importantly, Suess wrote primarily in anapestic tetrameter, which the post you replied to pulled off quite well. In fact, I don't think any of Suess' published works are in iambic pentameter.
TheGrammatonCleric ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:50:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know some of these words.
AssaultedCracker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had to look up the terms, I just knew that Seuss writes mainly in a 1-2-3-1-2-3 pattern, and this was 1-2-1-2
Laribold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All I did was put it into iambic pentameter. I didn't claim Suess used it, nor criticize the post in anapestic tetrameter. I was just having a bit of fun morphing the sentence.
You seem like a pretty belligerent fellow.
AssaultedCracker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok... you seem like you have trouble reading context. This was a thread of people rewriting a story to sound like Seuss. Then people corrected some of the attempts with better attempts. You chimed in with what, in that context, sounded like you were trying to further improve the rhymes with added correction, since you gave no indication as to why else you would rewrite the lines. If this had been a thread of people having fun with randomly morphing a sentence, your comment would've made sense as is. In this context though you needed to explain that. If you don't believe me just look at the votes we received. People clearly understood your comment the same way I did.
I'm only belligerent when people correct a perfectly good Seuss impression with a piss poor impression.
And just to clarify, your iambic writing doesn't scan. Up in the mountains is most naturally said with a stressed, unstressed, unstressed, stressed pattern. You don't emphasize the "in."
Laribold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, you sure showed me. Congrats?
JimmyLegs50 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:38:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took me a second, because in my head, I was hearing "family" as only having two syllables. Fam-lee. Definitely an American corruption of the word. :-P
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:30:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that the story of the Shining? I thought it was that the hotel was built on an indian burial ground.
hairy1ime ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:34:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Overlook isn't a portal to Hell
Purplekeyboard ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 03:40:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
So he picked up his axe and he came to destroy
"Redrum" said his son, in a voice strange and croaky
"Run and hide", Wendy thought, "by this door strong and oaky"
"You can't stop me Wendy, your arms are too scrawny
Now I've broken right though, here's my head, and here's Johnny!"
NCRranger24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wendy? I'm home.
[deleted] ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 03:23:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the wild wintry mountains of cold Colorado,
Where you-don't-know-quite-what might jump out of the shadows,
Jack thought that he'd loaf through a part-time employ,
But all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
The snow and the silence were getting too taxing,
And that kid kept disturbing his precious relaxing,
So out came Jack's ax! And Jack's ax started axing!
And it turned out to all be Jazz Age re-enacting.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is brilliant
OctopusEyes ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 04:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Up on a hill, Jack's feeling lonely.
Up on a hill, with his family only.
With a click and a clat, he typity-types!
With a swing of his bat, he swipety-swipes!
"I don't feel okay," Jack started to say,
"I don't feel okay with all work and no play!"
"As quick as a mouse, I'll end Danny's whining!"
"I'll burn down this house, put an end to his shining!"
-Dr. Seuss, probably
Lets_be_jolly ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather read "The Cat in the Hat" covered by Stephen King. It could become some twisted version of "The Shining" crossed with his "Cat's Eye" (dang, I loved that story and movie as a kid...)
ass_kicker32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:29:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, i could give that a go. Something alcoholism, some supernatural influence on the cat's hat and a tortured yearning for a distant parent. Done.
tenderwarrior77 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:25:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/ztxEHtrgTRg
EarthAllAlong ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:54:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the shining is like 1000 pages long...it would take FORRREEEEVVVERRR to tell Dr. Suess style.
taco_bellis ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:27:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My daddys gone crazy
I'm scared of his actions
This bar serves redrum
I much prefer Captains
If you think the twins
And the carpet obscene
Just check out that bitch
In room 219In 217[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:42:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
taco_bellis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck... I knew I should have double checked, was just going off the top of my head
TheMFDrez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:52:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Redrum she wrote
WakingMusic ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just saw a spoof of the new IT trailer with the Cat and the Hat instead of IT. Kind of the same idea.
Fuckinchrist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:41:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but that trailer is fucking funny.
SanaSix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:10:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the while I was expecting to hear the cartoon's intro: "Hey! What? Come over here! The Cat in the Hat is about to appear!"
psyki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:58:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or by Shel Silverstein.
adsalazar ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:02:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason, I think writing in that style would make it even more creepy.
runetrantor ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:43:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the same reason that when some show uses the 'Ring around the Rosie' child song in a very slow tempo, it's very... disturbing.
Combines something we associate with kids, thus safe and friendly, with something that we regard as off putting or creepy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ring Around the Rosie is about the plague, it's fckn creepy anyhow...
runetrantor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but it's still, somehow, a child's song. (I guess I forgot the english version was that creepy. The spanish one has no mention of bad stuff or death, even hinted)
thudly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:25:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Rum, Blue Rum, Yellow Rum, Red Rum! If you don't watch out, you're gonna get some!
bmcmb ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:07:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
paging /u/Poem_for_your_sprog
TinyLog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was think more like any Dr. Seuss book written by Stephen King
Hansomehd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel this is relevant enough https://youtu.be/ztxEHtrgTRg
Effectuality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks amazing. 5/7.
BenZo2020 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:41:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It, Dr Seuss Edition
Effectuality ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:05:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That clowning clown
That clowning clown
Why is that clown
Getting you down?
Do you need a friend?
A listening ear?
Well come say hello!
We all float down here!
RevolverOcelot420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the bookshelf, poor Richie saw a funny looking man
"Excuse me" he said "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
shvelo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:27:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The complete fiction of H.P. Lovecraft, Dr Seuss edition
CaptainOvbious ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:26:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/Poem_For_Your_Sprog could give us a great example. They've done Dr. Suess-like poems a few times.
snowhite1486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:10:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slam crack! Went the axe Right into the door Crack slam! Babe, relax "Here's Johnny!" On the floor
Robobvious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure I've seen this before actually... probably on tumblr.
Quasar_42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've seen something like this done for The Call of Cthulhu, complete with the appropriate illustrations.
CloudEnt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to read this right now, I do! I need to read this in blue.
bananaskates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do not want it, Hatchetman.
b1ack1323 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss books, by Stephen King.
bonvoyagepussy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" no edit required
D_dems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversely, The Cat in the Hat by Stephen King
thebagofsalt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:57:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People who have seen the movie and not read the book
carmacoma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:43:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and The Lorax, Stephen King edition.
Sold as a set.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every Jack who lived in the hotel liked drinking a lot, But there was no Jack to drink in the hotel there was NOT, All work and no play, All snow and no sleigh, Sober, mad, sad, and no joy, Makes jack a dull boy
StupendousMan1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forward by Hunter S. Thompson
Wheres_The_Whiskey ยท 1030 points ยท Posted at 02:17:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little House on the Prairie by William Faulkner
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 744 points ยท Posted at 03:22:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's just As I Lay Dying with some gender swaps
stellarbeing ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 03:56:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, the moment I realized the reason she wanted to watch her son make her coffin was so that he didn't do a half-ass job....
Savage.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 04:04:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nobody does morbid better than Faulkner. see also: A Rose for Emily
stellarbeing ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:09:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Sound and the Fury, as well.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:15:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah, although I'd classify that one as dealing more with mental instability than the inevitability of death
stellarbeing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely true.
CubingGiraffe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:34:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not even O'Connor or McCarthy :(?
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:43:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I admittedly haven't read much McCarthy. With O'Connor, I think that her version of "morbid" is more "tragic" than Faulkner's, while Faulkner's take on death seems a lot more inevitable and as such is less heartrending but also more unsettling at the same time
Rose_Dewitt-Bukater ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:30:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
McCarthy fucks with your mind. Outer Dark is pretty morbid. The Road still gives me nightmares. He can't even be placed into the likeness of Faulkner. They're both gothic, sure, but Faulkner is more Country Noir and McCarthy is like... his own thing.
CubingGiraffe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:25:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came to mention this. I'd put O'Connor and Faulkner as comparable authors of Country Noir, and love both. I think O'Connor delivers better, but I prefer Faulkner's prose.
McCarthy goes for the kill. The Road and No Country still got me fucked up.
Honolula ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:59:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved a rose for Emily. What would you suggest by Faulkner to read next?
fks_gvn ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:36:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I identify with Darl to an unsettling degree
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:13:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you burned down a barn? do you also identify with Abner Snopes?
fks_gvn ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He burned down the barn because the mother he loved was putrefying for nine days in that goddamn casket, and everyone else was just dicking around letting it happen. It wasn't fair to the farmer, but don't pretend he's insane. He was trapped between a clean end to that disaster of a trip and destroying another man's property.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:48:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just joking. Darl was a really sympathetic character, I think everyone would at least consider doing what he did in that situation
anonymouswallabee ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost couldn't finish it because you can't imagine how she's feeling but you do.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:27:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you mean Addie?
Rose_Dewitt-Bukater ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:30:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother is a fish.
AnEmptyKarst ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:54:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jewel's mother is a horse.
Megonomix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100% accurate
ashycharasmatic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:15:33 on June 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I used to love that band.
Raven_7306 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:24:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. That. Book.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's so good though!
freedompotatoes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:19:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was entertaining at times, but why do you think it was so good? Maybe I was just missing the real point.
Smailien ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:51:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It ends up being longer, but it's only eight sentences.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:27:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depressing and strangely beautiful AF!
mobdeeper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck yes
pleasegetoffmycase ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy. Fuck. That would be amazing.
softservepoobutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha nice
tugboattoottoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Ellen is fucked...
yeesCubanB ยท 6294 points ยท Posted at 02:57:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's cover of A Song Of Ice and Fire.
So it goes.
So it goes.
So it goes.
So it goes.
Here is a drawing of an asshole: joffrey.jpg
poorlyObfuscated ยท 1335 points ยท Posted at 03:30:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"To whom it may concern: It is springtime. It is late afternoon."
[DIES]
ImAtTheWrongTrack ยท 872 points ยท Posted at 04:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"If I were a younger man, I would write a history of human stupidity; and I would climb to the top of the Wall and lie down on my back with my history for a pillow; and I would wait for the Others who make wights out of men; and I would make a wight of myself, lying on my back, grinning horribly, and thumbing my nose at The Old Gods"
lord_tubbington ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 05:08:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is far and away the coolest clip of writing i've come across on reddit in a long while, probably ever. the marriage of the tones works so well for the topic you chose. To contrast my own ineloquent self, Fucking A dude.
maxjets ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 05:43:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He doesn't mind you redditing during sex?
wirer ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:46:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's an open relationship
isleag07 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get off Tumbler... But it ain't my business.
GertieFlyyyy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:38:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ธโ
Atrugiel ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:19:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am sad now I can't read the rest of this version.
catspantaloons ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poo tee weet!
Wellsgofar ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only problem with this is the use of semicolons.
v64 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The original quote from Cat's Cradle used semicolons:
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/143095-if-i-were-a-younger-man-i-would-write-a
ManicLord ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:17:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I felt like it was done right. What do you consider could be punctuated better?
FriendZonedByZelda ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:41:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut hated semicolons.
Source
JehovasLastWitness ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could make the argument that any writer worth anything will know - and you can be damn sure that Vonnegut realized this - that the art of writing is in constant evolution, and that the meaning of a semicolon as such is subject to change.
You could, in short, make the argument that the use of the semicolon is a natural contemporary device in any modern iteration of his style.
ManicLord ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:11:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could, as well, discuss the continued reuse of small connecting phrases in short succession as a means to force a feeling of unease on the reader.
JehovasLastWitness ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:16:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I don't understand. Are you alluding to what I wrote or the OPs pastiche of Vonnegut? I can't find his original post because Reddit's thread system sucks, but I guess it's not really that important either way.
ManicLord ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You could say I was making fun of your using "You could" twice to start consecutive paragraphs.
You're right, not important at all.
ManicLord ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:09:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, damn, now I remember this...
wolfman1911 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:39:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, this really makes me want to read Slaughterhouse Five.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:28:18 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this is a very late reply, but that's from Cat's Cradle
wolfman1911 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:48:23 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cat's Cradle seems way too depressing from what I've heard. It doesn't really help that I had the ending spoiled by the Recruit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:50:18 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't really find it to be a depressing book at all, and it's definitely a book that can still be enjoyed even if you know the ending (I'm currently rereading it!), so if you're interested you should really check it out
Aces-Wild ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:53:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had to save this! I never read Vonnegut but this peaks my interest. Sounds up my alley, thanks :)
beld ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
4.
Itchy.
Tasty.
EarthAllAlong ยท 546 points ยท Posted at 03:55:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We are all unwavering bands of light.
except joffrey he's a cunt
KingInTheNorthDave ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:24:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a way to upvote this 3 million times?
Server16Ark ยท 357 points ยท Posted at 04:32:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...
Fight_or_Flight_Club ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 05:27:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unexpecteddeathgrips
yodaminnesota ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 04:39:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YUGH
Morphiate ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 05:47:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Head of a Ned in a bucket
Body of a Reek in a bag
antler1 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:10:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AHH AHH AHH
JackAction ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 09:17:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THE WALL
FALLS
DOWN
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 09:20:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YAH
CosmicTraveller ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 11:03:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OUT OF THE SHADOWS BARRAGE OF WITCH TONGUE COBRA SPIT OVER APOCALYPTIC CULT KILLER CAULDRON SMOKE
STOP MUSIC SERIOUSLY
YUGH
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:50:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unexpected Death Grips
Jackle02 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:04:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't see Death Grips show up enough on Reddit.
bitches_be ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They get a lot of love on /r/hiphopheads
fii0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:28 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only from the regular users
gcganley ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:36:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/unexpecteddeathgrips
Gryff99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YUH
earnestpuppy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This song has been stuck in my head all week. Looks like it will remain there for another!
IWillEatYourChildren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:01:37 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GILLOTEEEEN
Eager_af ยท 598 points ยท Posted at 04:01:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In walked Robert Baratheon. His penis was 5 1/4 inches long and 1 1/2 inches around.
waywardwoodwork ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 05:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have fountain pens thicker than that, Robert.
twat_and_spam ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:47:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Burn. What's the joke to describe it as a pencil thin frankfurter?
Owyn_Merrilin ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 06:23:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"His penis had the girth of a bun-length hot dog, but the length of a jumbo."
TheresA_LobsterLoose ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:49:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely doesn't have Tormund beat. Har!
RedEyeView ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:05:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mayhaps.
Heh.
THROWAWAY-u_u ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
doubt it
BrotherDBAD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
jeez, that's like the girth of a thumb.
Explosion_Jones ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 04:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It starts like this: Listen, Bran Stark has come unstuck in time.
It ends like this: Coooorn
DrStalker ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 05:01:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winter is coming, more or less.
Salt-Pile ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 07:05:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice 9 and Fire.
searchox ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:57:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the sight of the old utterly indifferent gods and the new
secondkira ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:34:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh this has me laughing just as hard as the first time I saw the drawing in Breakfast of Champions
lowkeyisah ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:47:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do I love this
So
God
Damn
Much
apples0000 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:21:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favourite one
expletive-expletive ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:46:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One that wouldn't work: Vonnegut doing Game of Thrones in the style of Galapagos. *Ned Stark tried to stop the queen.
Edit: in Galapagos, all characters who would die had an * before their name when mentioned.
Unrelated entirely, would love to see Wes Anderson direct the film version of God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater.
And Darren Arnofski do Sirens of Titan.
TheJunkyard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvote for the Sirens idea. I can't imagine anyone doing it more justice. Although, thinking about it, Gondry, Linklater, the Coens or even Lynch would all be interesting. Screenplay by Kaufman, obvs.
trj820 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think that Sirens could be done. It relies too much on Unk's identity, and there's very little speech on Mercury.
TheJunkyard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:52:15 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That part would certainly be tricky. A good screenwriter could dream up ways around it though, I'm sure. (I was going to point to a recent-ish sci-fi adaptation as a case in point, but saying which might be considered a spoiler.)
well_spiraled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:13 on May 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wes Anderson for Rosewater is spot on. The affluent family drama, the depression, the quirky characters, and the fire departments- imagine the uniforms!
frugalerthingsinlife ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:59:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going the other way: Cormac McCarthy covers one of the adventures of Kilgore Trout.
jonhasglasses ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:54:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of mud and fire
android47 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:51:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
7 novels and 350 named-character deaths later, we learn that the culminating purpose behind every event in the series was that Bran would pick up a piece of metal and carry it somewhere else.
blueseulb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:47:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god I would kill for this
Lady_Bread ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love your username
yeesCubanB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:14:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why thank you :-)
mybustersword ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:29:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd wonder if those books could be written by Tolkien. What would they be
AtoZZZ ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:39:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Tolkien wouldn't have killed off so many characters. I mean, the only major player that was killed off early was Boromir.
StaticSins ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:46:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So.. Ned would still die.. fuck!
AtoZZZ ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:50:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the fuck was I so stupid to forget that Sean Bean played both of these characters?
umopapsidn ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:03:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again
Amusingg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:59:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WE WONT GET FOOLED AGAAAYYYUUNNNN
pageandpetals ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:49:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there would be absolutely no sex, that's for sure.
PM_ME_YOUR_CREAMPIEZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Aliens]
NickwithahardR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of this
MagicLeafFormula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about Kilgor Trout?
kaniicholls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might actually get through that one.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grant Morrison/Philip Bond graphic novel of A Song of Ice and Fire.
nauset3tt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup, just lost it ๐
YarrrImAPirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I read that in Douglas Adams voice.
7457431095 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:23:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like you've only read one, maybe two Vonnegut books.
Wishingtin ยท 13300 points ยท Posted at 02:14:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kafka covers the Animorph series
SlantedSlash ยท 5982 points ยท Posted at 02:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... nothing changes except the kids are now also going through mid-life crises.
davidp1522 ยท 1753 points ยท Posted at 03:00:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I mean, that basicly happened anyway.
SlantedSlash ยท 670 points ยท Posted at 03:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, it's just that they're actually 35 or whatever. Which actually reduces the horror aspect quite a bit.
Strange_Vagrant ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 03:20:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jake and Cassie know thier child is a yurk and have to exploit him for information.
Tobais is a drug addict who, in a high, gets locked as a falcon. His insanity thereafter has to be kept in check.
Marco struggles to pay his bills while fighting an alien invasion.
Reachal sacrifices her marriage to the fight. Her lose is less then Jakes? She struggles with that conflict.
And Ax? Well, hes hiding in walmart stores for relative savages despite being a former prince. Why even save them?
[deleted] ยท 151 points ยท Posted at 03:28:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you okay??
edit:
[deleted] ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 03:29:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's been three days and he's starting to act weird
thedragslay ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 03:35:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch his ears. Squish anything that comes out of them.
Strange_Vagrant ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 03:40:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, im drunk.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:49:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That explains that.
ChristopherPlumbus ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:22:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Username checks out
NOISY_SUN ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:39:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, Less Than Jake is great
tonybeestark ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:32:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He also said 'Tobais'
ServiceB4Self ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:39:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He ate the damn oatmeal...
Strange_Vagrant ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:23:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No turning back
No backing down
No where to run No silent ground
No place to hide
No one to trust
No one to help you When you're lost
There's only us
It's all in your hands
Hold on, Hold back the darkness
Gotta' take a stand
It's all in your hands
Coldstripe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:07 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*awesome 90's guitar riffs intensify*
Kyle_Crafty ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:53:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less than jake?
Bloodlvst ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That comment coupled with yours had given me a HUGE urge to listen to Hello Rockview...it's definitely been a while
jsake ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:01:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Losing Streak was so good
Kyle_Crafty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:08:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do it! It's on spotify!
Bloodlvst ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:14:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol it's in my CD rack :)
Neato ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:16:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are Animorphs still popular? I read those books in middle school and I'm 31. How do you remember all of their names?
usgojoox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:13:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was just a great series and thus easy to remember
riverave ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:37:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 31 and I found a bunch of my old books cleaning out my mom's garage last year and ended up reading the whole series (I had quit like 2/3 of the way through when I was in middle school) in like a month, they were still pretty exciting as nominal sci-fi and I could get through two books in an afternoon if I was so inclined.
Strange_Vagrant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im 30 and i cant explaim what i remember and what i forget.
Smokey_Bear15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:47:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still popular to meeeee
Kyleobyte ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:11:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then Visser 3 rocks up and Maury confirms that he is, in fact, Jake's father.
heilspawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:32 on May 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yurk.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=yurk
WaterLily66 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, being in your 30s is pretty horrifying.
masterdebaater ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically
LowInFat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:38:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw in some serious daddy issues and it reads like a true Kafka.
SeatieBelt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:52:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dunno about daddy issues, but Marco had HELLA mom issues.
zimtrovert94 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:56:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The kids die and their parents are happy about it.
mybustersword ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:23:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They struggle against the yergs and find futility at every turn. Book 4 ends mid sentence as Tobias is being confronted by Ax. Its difficult to understand him, but what he said
nightwing2024 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:29:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's Yeerks you uncultured Hork-Bajir
Coldstripe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:22:11 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WALKING SALAD SHOOTERS
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:20:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So nothing changes, then.
GoldMOD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:08:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R L Stine doing Harry Potter
mrjlee12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:19:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol I remember also being in middle school at the time and realizing at my age, there was not fucking way these kids could pull off what they were doing. Seemed like they were in their mid-twenties at least
tway1948 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:45:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
AkirIkasu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And there is a lot of wordplay that only german-speaking people will understand.
SlantedSlash ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:23:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what annoyed me most when reading Metamorphosis, it was clear the language was complex but the translation just made it sort of obtuse.
Ttoctam ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the TV show.
btribble ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the ever-present dark hand of the political and business classes.
Sexist_Kangaroo ยท 2380 points ยท Posted at 02:53:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I laughed really hard at this. People just accepting their miserable transformations. No one else caring. 10/10 would imagine again.
NinetoFiveHero ยท 647 points ยท Posted at 03:21:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tobias: "I'm saying I'm a falcon who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over and the falcon is awake."
i know that's not kafka but it fits
EarthAllAlong ยท 441 points ยท Posted at 03:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tobias got stuck as a hawk; jake morphed a falcon, JEEZE
NinetoFiveHero ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:47:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's been more than a decade please forgive me lmao
AerThreepwood ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:10:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I'm pretty sure I read those books pre 9/11.
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 05:37:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no way the book where they hijacked a jet and flew it into a building would have been published post-9/11, that's for sure
ishkariot ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 10:28:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
9/11 was Yeerk-side job
Volkove ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or was it an Andalite inside job that was trying to frame the Yeerks so they could start a war?
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:04:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well now we know where Bin-Ladin got the idea
faoltiama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't even remember that one!
SeatieBelt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which one was that? Near the end of the series I assume?
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was book 37. I would consider "near the end" to start at book 45.
SeatieBelt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:07:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I meant "near the end" to be after they lost their secret identities and actually had to fight a guerrilla war from hiding.
I feel silly now, I'm rereading the series at the moment and just read 37 about a month ago. Just completely forgot they pulled the jet stunt. Of course it happened the one time Jake was AWOL and Rachel took over the team.
Erelion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:52 on May 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish that book was... well-written...
630-592-8928 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:14:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red tail and peregrine, right?
whisperingsage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:02 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got it in one.
ChevroletSparkSS ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:37:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never saw past that episode where he got stuck, did he ever get un-stuck? Also, what happened to the alien dude who was an amalgamation of everybody?
Beard_of_Valor ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:56:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The rest of us, in a thread about books being redone in the style of another bookinator, are discussing the books. I don't recall how far the show got, only that I saw every episode and was filled with disappointment.
In the books, it is revealed that basically a Dumbledore kind of figure and and more vicious, domineering, unconcerned-with-the-entire-concept-of-creatovity-or-love-or-happiness kind of figure are playing galactic chess and our eponymous heroes are the pieces (particularly Cassie). One of these creatures spends some game resources to present himself to the animorphs and do these things.
Bladelink ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:49:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think to call the Ellimist a Dumbledore character is inadequate. He's closer to a mysterious deity, a little unconcerned with the nitty gritty, more of a big-picture fellow.
The Ellimist (pragmatic and concerned, but not necessarily benevolent) and Krayak (dominant) decide that open war between them destroys swaths of worlds and species, and so decide that their conflict must be done only through proxy actors. I remember a line like "there would be rules, limitations."
Beard_of_Valor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:51:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, but he's 99% hands-off and Dumbley, so I summed it up as briefly as I could.
usgojoox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me_irl
apaniyam ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:50:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot about that. Didn't they just never resolve that and forget the character? If so, are we sure Kafka wasn't already involved in the series?
zeekaran ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:55:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His resolution was The Ellimist giving him morphy powers again, except now a red-tailed hawk was his base form instead of his human teenager body. And he lives with Ax.
jetpack_operation ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 04:37:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I'm remembering he was also somehow granted the ability to absorb his own former body's DNA so he had his human form as a morph. So he could have become a human again permanently, but at the cost of his powers.
Now how the fuck did I just remember that?
zeekaran ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:59:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're right, though I don't remember how they did that.
Wait. Does his hawk body age? Is he going to die as a grumpy old hawk?
slitharg ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 08:12:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Ellimist, existing outside of time, was able to send Tobias back in time when he gave him his powers back. He sent him back to before the start of the first book and had him acquire his own DNA from himself.
faoltiama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:52:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is one scene in a (possible) future where he absorbed the DNA of an Andalite and got stuck in that morph because the hawk body doesn't live near as long as human or Andalite did. Idk if that was the actual future, or just some variation of a future when they time traveled, lol.
usgojoox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you remember which book that was in?
faoltiama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sadly not, but I do remember it as it struck me as something I had never thought about. It was a significantly post-war future (which makes me think it wasn't the "real" one), and I think he had morphed into Ax.
I can't look for it either because I left my complete collection of books at home when I moved out some 11 years ago, like a FOOL! And my mother donated them to a school. So if you know where I can get the whole lot on ebooks I would be most appreciative. (I've clearly been reading samples people have written up and now I'm writing all weird.)
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are a few links to the series ebook in these comments. I'll be back in a sec with a link
Here you go: https://www.reddit.com/r/Animorphs/comments/3litxl/reformatted_ebook_editions_download_links/
Download links for the entire series on ebook
faoltiama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking awesome man, thanks!
zeekaran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome.
PineappleSlices ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was book #41: The Familiar.
genericm-mall--santa ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:01:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to be more exact,he dreams that he is face to face with his past self(as in the day before he met and co met Ax) and touches him to get back his body
hexane360 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:21:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and then sorta went off the radar after they won. Too scarred to reintegrate into society.
zeekaran ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:58:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They won? I never finished the series.
Rustash ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:17:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes and no.
And that's it.
zeekaran ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:23:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your spoiler isn't working exactly as expected.
Rustash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:23:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Took me like 4 fucking tries but I think I got it now?
moorsonthecoast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough room on the bottom of the screen to see all the text. At least, over here.
Rustash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddammit. I give up then. I was trying to do the black bar version but whatever.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you pm me what you wrote? Spoiler not working for me.
Rustash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, you're better off reading this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beginning_(novel)?wprov=sfsi1
zeekaran ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Click Source.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:02:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wut... I don't remember anything related to The One...
Rustash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:29:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iunno, going off of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beginning_(novel)?wprov=sfsi1
BadBalloons ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, where is Cassie in all this?
iceman012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:37:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[Spoilers, Obviously]
If I remember right, she breaks up with Jake and gets involved in a bunch of animal charities or something.
Marco, of course, basically becomes a rockstar; writes books, stars in movies, does interviews, has a million nice cars, etc.
zeekaran ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I clicked "source" and now I can see your comment as you wrote it. Not sure why I had to go to sleep and wake up to think of that.
Is "The One" not V1?
usgojoox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The link is dead :(
Edit: got it. Use RES and click source
hexane360 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:39:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you can call it victory
Cheesedoodlerrrr ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:04:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They defeated the alien invasion of Earth, shattered the Yerk Empire forever, and catapulted Earth onto the galactic stage with their new Andalite allies at the cost of single battalion of the army and Rachel.
Yes, it was a victory.
usgojoox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ehhhh. I wouldn't say they did that.
mrcarlita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:43:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I recommend a re read
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:38:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That isn't the resolution, that happens a quarter of the way through the series
zeekaran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but he stays like that until the last couple books or so. Above post seemed to be unsure of anything happening after his initial transformation.
metastasis_d ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:55:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He remained a major character. He was the son of Elfangor.
Threeedaaawwwg ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:54:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but what does the falcon know of bird law?
wasabi_weasel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Cough-hawk) but that's deep, man.
Ewindal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like something Tobias Fรผnke could say.
Smashbruh_meeseeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Cross ?
zeekaran ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:55:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Different Tobias.
Smashbruh_meeseeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twas a joke
Smashbruh_meeseeks ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:08:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Down vote for deep cut reference ?
zeekaran ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:55:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't downvote you, even if your reference was a little funke.
Smashbruh_meeseeks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I owe you a peace beer
AerThreepwood ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:11:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arrested Development is a deep cut?
Smashbruh_meeseeks ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The reference is
AerThreepwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The actor who played Tobias's name is a deep cut?
Smashbruh_meeseeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The reference is
CGA001 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:35:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Having a loving family, where everyone depends on you and you love being able to provide for them, and then you transform and they hate you, leaving you to literally die of a broken heart and abuse.
Goddamn that book fucked me up, I still think about it and it's been years since I read it.
Sexist_Kangaroo ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:45:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really speaks to how unsubstantial some relationships are. When people only care because they get something in return. A sad world we live in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:53 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
um i clearly read this book when i was too young because i did not get any of that out of it
CGA001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:38 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you sure you're talking about the same book? Because that's how the book ends. There isn't really any other way to interpret it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:13 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like i said, i was far too young. i was a little tiny teenager who had no idea what familial responsibilities were, what it is like to provide for others, any of that. so i didn't read any of the deep stuff
Erelion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:29:15 on May 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First time I read To Kill A Mockingbird, I couldn't figure out why it started with all this boring stuff about Boo Radley.
DeepFriedBud ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:21:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, imagine Kafka covering the animorphs
Sexist_Kangaroo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:22:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hearty chortle. 7/10 would imagine again.
Soulren ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:23:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, imagine Kafka covering the animorphs
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:33:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amused exhalation, 4/10 would imagine again later, if I had nothing else to imagine.
Sexist_Kangaroo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sly grin. 5/10 would imagine again. 7/10 with rice, getting kinda hungry.
3jt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:52:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found the other person who actually read The Metamorphosis
riaveg8 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:34:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't the 5000 upvotes and gold for OP kind of allude to the fact that others have read it?
Sexist_Kangaroo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:57:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw shucks, I bet plenty of people read it. I've just been on an existentialist kick lately.
landontbr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:53 on May 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then they end up dying of a broken heart and an apple
wildfyr ยท 711 points ยท Posted at 02:52:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read all of them. All. The quality is all over the place
neodymiumex ยท 710 points ยท Posted at 02:55:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because she only wrote every fifth book or something like that. All the others are ghost written
Narrative_Causality ยท 510 points ยท Posted at 03:17:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She wrote the first 25/26 and only the outlines of the rest until the last two, which she personally wrote.
LibraryLass ยท 464 points ยท Posted at 03:22:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She also stepped in for #32, the infamous starfish cover.
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 685 points ยท Posted at 03:50:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one where Rachel beats someone to death using her own severed arm. People usually forget that part.
zeekaran ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 03:56:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember this one at all. I thought I read up to 39, too.
SwenKa ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 04:16:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only ever got through the first 10 or so, plus Visser, another one where a guy morphs into a fly during D-Day, and the Chronicles one.
Edit: Hork-Bajir Chronicles and still searching for the D-Day one.
Edit 2: I give up. Now I can't differentiate between which I have read and which covers I just remember seeing.
lmMrMeeseeksLookAtMe ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 04:39:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Andalite Chronicles and associated books were far more interesting than the "core" series IMO.
alucidexit ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 04:47:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Andalite Chronicles was AMAZING. The whole ending with the guy seeing the life he could have had and sacrificing it to save his people was legitimately touching for an Animorphs book
DoofusMagnus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:07:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That exact point in the story is my first memory of a book truly stirring my emotions.
I'm sure through school and such I'd been exposed to writing that had deep emotional content, but nothing really made a connection until that. And I was immediately conscious of the difference as I was still in the moment, sitting there on the floor of my bedroom, amazed that a book could be generating that tightness in my throat.
zeekaran ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:57:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely. They were far more sci-fi, and my nine year old brain thought they were 10/10.
LibraryLass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They definitely hold up the most, and I say that as someone who thinks that most of the series in general is at least worth rereading at least once as an adult.
zeekaran ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:44:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I should probably at least finish the series. I can't imagine each book would take longer than an hour or so, as an adult.
runasaur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:01:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly still have occasional dreams (and daydreams) where I'm a Hork Bajir in their home planet. That story left a great impression.
The_cynical_panther ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 05:00:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember the D-Day one. Hitler is a Jeep driver or whatever for the Germans in some weird alternate history where the Nazis weren't evil and one of the kids kill him even though he is innocent.
lkc159 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chaos time butterflies.
I think that's megamorphs 3 or 4. The time matrix one
AccelerationGate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm shocked that I can vaguely recall reading this.
Tarcanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's the 4th one.
Megamorphs 1 was the dust monster Megamorphs 2 was the dinosaur one Megamorphs 3 I don't remember The 4th one was definitely time travel. I remember when they fought while the battle of Trafalgar was happening.
Painshifter ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:37:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The one where they'reโ at the D-Day landing is Megamorphs #3: Elfangor's Secret
maybebadgirl ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:39:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My god I just looked at that page. I have forgotten how poor the photshopping was. LOL.
BloodAngel85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:22:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The 90s were a simpler time...
xxMattyxx317 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot about the fashion sense lol.
zeekaran ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:58:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhhh Megamorphs. I forgot about those. I don't think I read this one specifically. Those were weird. I think Cassie had someone call her a rather racist term in one. And... that's all I remember.
SoulMasterKaze ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:26:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then she morphs into a polar bear and roars at him so hard that he shits himself.
Krasinet ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:46:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'"You don't like black people, Mr. Davis?" I said pleasantly. "No problem. I can turn white. Watch me."'
Cheesedoodlerrrr ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:07:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeez. In my head-canon they were never that young.
runasaur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:03:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still have mine and started re-reading them. I realize I have a 14 year old niece and a 12 year old nephew... To imagine them going through that!? oh man... its definitely a different read.
MrPigeon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because we were at the time.
It's...unsettling.
Erelion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:09 on May 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thirteen to sixteen.
affonity ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:21:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waitwaitwait are you guys fucking around or do i have books to read now
dotyawning ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 05:46:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
None of those things sound out of place for Animorphs. For a kid's series, it managed to get away with a lot of depressing things and super disturbing imagery.
I'm not sure a faithful adaptation of any sort of visual media would fly, while still letting it keep a late elementary, early middle school focus like the books were originally aimed for.
X-istenz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah the TV series was pretty weak for that reason. I guess that whole "children or animals" idiom goes double for putting kids in the same room as wolves and tigers.
R_M80 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have books to read now. I picked a couple back up recently and they hold up astonishingly well. The quality varies, but because they're short you can just skim through the mediocre ones for relevant plot points. Don't ignore the side "chronicle" stories, they're some of the best.
icantastethecolors ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:08:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Ellimist Chronicles was some insanely deep shit.
Narrative_Causality ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:53:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Having read it semi-recently I disagree. It has the veneer of deepness, and brings up some interesting ideas and concepts, like Father and Cryak, but it ultimately doesn't really do anything with them. Crayak and Ellimist's Q-like powers might as well be a goddamned cameo for how little screen time they get.
icantastethecolors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I was a young teen the last time I read that. Back then it seemed very heavy.
I appreciate your well worded analysis, you make a good point.
mrcarlita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed, skim some mid series books, but the ones that move the plot along are so good. Especially the ones involving Marco and his mom
edinburg ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love that series. It's squarely aimed at and super accessible to children with lots of slice-of-life and silly humor, but it's also about the horrors of war, reconciling morality with necessity, and how far you'd go to save yourself, your loved ones, or your species. It's completely bonkers and often astonishingly dark.
Narrative_Causality ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:50:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In one of the books one of the main characters get shot in the head with a bullet and dies. This is a series with lasers and shit, by the way. They can heal any wound by morphing, but it turns out that if they're missing a good deal of brain matter they can't morph. Who knew?
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read all of them a year ago . They held up pretty well there's a lot of really dark adult themes that kind of go over your head as a kid
TVguy2014 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:13:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Megamorphs 1 or 2, I think. They follow some controller trying to pull some terminator shit and rewrite time.
PineappleSlices ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:06:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Megamorphs 3. 1 was just a standalone story about them getting hunted by some dust monster alien, and 2 was about them going back in time to the dinosaur era.
Cheesedoodlerrrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where two different alien races fought over earth and the meteor was an intentional attack by one of them?
PineappleSlices ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:10:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly.
MrPigeon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:07:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's where we get broccoli!
(It might have been brussel sprouts. But I always thought that was a funny touch.)
zeekaran ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:56:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What.
[deleted] ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:58:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They also witness George Washington getting assassinated by an alien, and one of the main characters accidentally kills Adolf Hitler with his wrist claws.
LibraryLass ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:05:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, "accidentally"
zeekaran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure I didn't read those. I'd like to think I'd remember that.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D-Day, Washington and Hitler are all in Elfangor's Secret, the third Megamorphs book. It takes place around the time of the 30th main book, so it is quite possible you stopped reading before then.
NineteenthJester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if serious...
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:06:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Completely serious. They're following a time traveling bad guy messing with human history. In the Hitler bit, Hitler isn't even the leader of Germany - alternate events have reduced his role to a truck driver in the German army.
Narrative_Causality ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:57:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They steal Geroge Washington's boots right before he crossed the Delaware. They needed some boots, so why not?
Also there's a scene where they're in the past and the black main character gets called the N-word, so she morphs into a polar bear and holds the guy's head between her jaws and asks him if that's white enough for him.
slightlyaw_kward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, he was probably going to do it anyway.
iceman012 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:39:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, Hitler in that timeline was just a truck driver.
Narrative_Causality ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They also steal George Washington's boots before he crosses the Delaware.
Cheesedoodlerrrr ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:09:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yea. They also go see Henry V at Agincourt, and watch Washington get killed crossing the Delaware.
It was a weird one.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:26:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's also the one where none of them can die (after a sacrifice) and Rachel goes a little bit more crazy than usual after getting killed several times.
zeekaran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I just feel like I missed out.
transientz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:07:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
D-Day one was Megamorphs 3. Super brutal book considering I remember reading it when I was like 11.
SwenKa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:53:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely brutal. For some reason I remember a different cover, but that one is definitely it.
usgojoox ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 12:17:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rachel morphs a starfish and is cut up. She passes out morphing back and it turns out that both pieces morphed back leading to two Rachels and some hell of a split personality. One was all of her recklessness, courage, and straight up ruthlessness. The other was timid, insecure, and cautious.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:28:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marco claims dibs one the meek one.
DefiantTheLion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:52:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of fucking course he did
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:37 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh snap, you should read Book #2 of the Mindwarp series for a real trip if you're in a mood for reading another book with a similar plot.
maybebadgirl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry. I read all of them and could not remember that one.
Butthole__Pleasures ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:15:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that was Quentin Tarantino's cover of #32.
sportsfan786 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:45:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally forgot that. I remember the two halves but nothing of a severed arm - who'd she beat?
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 04:49:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some random Hork-bajir. It chopped her arm off, so she used it as a bludgeon.
sportsfan786 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:53:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hork-bajir! Now there's a name I haven't heard in a long time!
theniceguytroll ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:14:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't remember if they're the weird giant slug ones or the snakes with swords for limbs.
gesophrosunt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:15:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snakes and swords.
BadBalloons ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:11:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're the 10 foot tall herbivore green and purple dinosaur ones. The Hork-Bajir Chronicles went into how they use their massive claws to cut the bark off trees and eat it, up until the Yeerks conquered them.
I can't believe I remember this? But that book was the one Animorphs book I kept into my teens.
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:20:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a passage in one of the books about how the really smart ones of their races (called seers I think?) was realizing a concept for the first time and tried to explain it to the rest of her species which weren't as intelligent. Her grasp of the topic was one of the best descriptions of a eureka moment and I think about it whenever I finally understand or get someone else to understand something
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:54 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That book was so amazing. It turned Hork-Bajir from "goofy looking aliens" to fully-realized species with a complex world and backstory. Goddamn, JK really knew how to write aliens.
contramundi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:36:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're the snakes with swords for limbs. You're probably thinking of the Taxons for the other ones.
theniceguytroll ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:48:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, is that what they're called? It's been so long since I read those books.
contramundi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:03:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I discovered the series in 3rd grade, and up until the series ended, I probably spent more time reading and re-reading them than I did on schoolwork and studying. I might not be able to quote the books chapter and verse anymore, but I still remember them pretty well.
The Taxons were giant bug-like aliens with lots of pointy little legs and arms with pincers, so closer to centipedes rather than slugs. They were notable for being pretty much the only species that were nearly all voluntary Controllers. The reason for that is that they are barely able to control their appetites, but with a Yeerk in control, they aren't compelled to eat everything in sight.
Krasinet ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:53:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I applaud your memory of valuable literature, but my inner-teenager is screaming 'TAXXONS HAD TWO XS!'
contramundi ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 09:22:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welp. Time to commit sudoku.
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:18:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it Visser-One who got stuck as a taxxon in morph?
mrcarlita ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:46:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, visser one was Marcos mom. Elfangors best friend was stuck as a taxxon in the Andalite Chronicles
usgojoox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:57:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh damn. I completely forgot about the Maro's parents arc. The way his Dad collapsed after his Mom's death and then in book 5 he finds his reason to fight. That was so good!
mrcarlita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marco was by far my favorite character. My favorite book (not counting the Chronicles) has to be the one where he becomes a bee
usgojoox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read through all of them once, then 1-37 a few times because those were the copies I owned. I've almost completely forgotten about anything from 38 to the finale. What was the plot of the Marco becoming the bee one?
mrcarlita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:18:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spoilers, obviously, but Marco fucks up, and now the Yeerks want to kill Marco's dad. He tells his dad everything, and then he goes and rescues his mom, who is Visser One. In the end, they frees her, and Marco's parents go live with the Hork Bajir
Edit: my bad, I was thinking of the one where he becomes an ant. The bee one has to do with them finding another andellite living on earth or something. Either way, the one with the ant cover, book 45, is my favorite
usgojoox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:21:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering when they started moving to the Hork-Bajir (who I always called hook-bajar in my head for some reason) free colony. Thanks for the reminder.
mrcarlita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:22:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pronounce it bajar as well. I also pronounced elimist as eliminist in my head
usgojoox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For me yeerk was yeerk
andalite was anda-light
hork-bajir was hook-bajar
taxxon was tax-on
iskoort was like escort but with an I instead of an E
My favorite species by far were the helmacrons
mrcarlita ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:28:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha God I couldnt stand the helmacrons. I loved the chee tho
usgojoox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:30:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was always mad they wouldn't fight until that one time Erik had his programming disabled and he did. That shit was ferocious. Then I was glad they were peaceful.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:22:55 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Elfangor rides a SWEET MUSTANG
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/animorphs/images/9/9a/Hork_bajir_chronicles_hardback_back_cover.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160915060445
Geo_Shark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Taxxons were the weird slugs.
tripplowry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
snakes with swords for limbs you pleb
Fabreeze63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:36 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More like lizards than snakes. They had blades on the forearms and feet for climbing trees and slicing off bark to eat. The slugs were taxxons.
OobaDooba72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slugs are Yeerks
X-istenz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:20:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The little ones are. He's thinking of Taxxons.
pterrorgrine ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:36:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh, I haven't cracked open one of those books in a decade and a half at least and I sure as shit remember that part. I believe she was a bear at the time.
Also I thought it was way later in the series, but w/e
Twelve20two ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:07:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I need to make the endeavor and read through them, even if you're bullshitting me.
My only real memories are of the TV show and how I desperately wanted the T-Rex mega-morph to be on it at some point
Cuchullion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good news everyone!
Twelve20two ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CLOSE ENOUGH
Angel_Hunter_D ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:41:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why she was my waifu
Persimoirre ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:51:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, Friends got really dark.
Mail540 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:26:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit what? I never read them but now I'm kinda morbidly curious
Beard_of_Valor ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:05:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the books, the middle school misfits take a shortcut through a construction site, and witness the crash of an alien ship. He tells them about the threat from another alien race of parasites that want to use humans as meat mechs. Then he gives them the power to transform into animals (or aliens) after touching them only once. Adventures in infrastructure terrorism ensue.
I don't recall her initial design for the good guy aliens but they came across as copyright infringing (greys or green Martians or some shit) so she made them ludicrously off the wall instead.
Mail540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds... interesting in a weird 80s tv show kinda way
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 17:14:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Underneath the zany saturday-morning cartoon exterior the series is actually a story about war and what it does to children growing up in it.
It's a lot darker and a lot more philosophical than it gets credit for and it does in a very subtle way it's not preachy at all, it just kind of lays out this deepening sea of moral ambiguity
edinburg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:00:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fully credit Animorphs with laying the groundwork for how I think about morality now. It's crazy how accessible it makes philosophy to children.
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:33:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was more or less the goal. If you Google around, you can find a complete set of ebooks.
Ultimatespacewizard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never forget.
schnozzberriestaste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that was Season 10 Episode 16
AmbulanceRabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:48 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If by "usually forget that part" you mean "try desperately to forget that part but have it haunt their dreams anyway", then yeah, sure.
mynameisblanked ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:18:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I looked it up, link for the lazy no idea why it's infamous.
TGameCo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/mildlypenis?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me either. the only thing i'm coming up with is, if you are 12 and you squint really hard, the second-to-last image before she becomes a starfish, she looks naked
NanotechNinja ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:16:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is significant about the cover of 32?
LibraryLass ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:00:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly the cover's nothing particularly unique, but for some reason it seems to get posted as an image unusually often in my experience.
The story's definitely one of the weird ones though.
guttata ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what's infamous about it?
LibraryLass ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:59:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I'm not entirely sure but anecdotally I find that if someone posts an image of an Animorphs cover it's that one more often than you would expect on a purely statistical level.
The story's definitely one of the weird ones though-- one of the main characters morphs a starfish and then gets cut in half by accident, and in demorphing each one only has part of her personality and abilities-- one has her aggression and ability to make decisions but no long-term memory or ability to plan, and the other has her kindness and strategic abilities but is otherwise vapid and passive.
All_of_Midas_Silver ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:37:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
snipars.jpeg
Michael__Cross ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:17:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/confusedboner
Coldstripe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:56:41 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently the original by the ghostwriter was so bad she had to step in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:08 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is the starfish one the one where she splits into two clones and there are two Rachels? Or am I getting it mixed up with the Mindwarp series?
LibraryLass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:13:28 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the one.
sonofaresiii ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:09:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was disappointed to hear that at first, but after a while of thinking about it, it's really not as bad as it sounds. Those books were pretty standard fare to begin with, the appeal was in the premise and the overall direction, which she handled. And ultimately, it's not that different from a show runner having staff writers on a tv show, which we all pretty readily accept.
metastasis_d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:58:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It taught me to love body horror fiction. When I was like 10.
twotailedwolf ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:53:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And all the Chronicles books
Chosler88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:49:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually the entire last arc she wrote, like 4-6 of the final ones.
Narrative_Causality ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:33:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not so!
Chosler88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:05:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, rather she provided extremely detailed notes for the final arc, so her hand in the narrative is stronger than in the other ghostwritten books, is I believe what I was thinking.
usgojoox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those were the best books as well. It was pretty obvious for the most part to tell when she wasn't writing but some of the non-her books were good
Beard_of_Valor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you think she wrote 25, I don't know what to say. Wasn't that the one where they're being chased through the tundra by jelly eyed hammerhead creatures, and in the end Marco (PoV character this one) takes a shower on max temp until the water goes cold?
EarthAllAlong ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:52:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
not all of the ghost writers are bad.
some of them are.
some of them definitely are.
But most of them handle the characters fairly well.
If anyone is looking to reminisce, check out this guy's youtube series.
He gives a plot synopsis and analysis of every book. His style gets better and better as time goes on--the first few are kinda weird, he was still finding his voice. But he is clearly passionate about the novels. I love animorphs and I loved listening to his series. Any ani-fan should give him a shot
Negatively_Positive ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:18:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tx for the link. As someone who read the series 5 times or so this seems like a great idea to revisit one more without reading the whole series again.
wildfyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:09:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You read all 50+ several times?! I'm a chronic re-reader of books but thats crazy
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:15:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It takes like an hour to get through each book if you read for one hour a day you'd be done in a couple months. Space that out every few years that's pretty much nothing
Negatively_Positive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read them since I was a kid and I also own all of them. They are not that long and I am a very fast reader so I guess I can finish them all in a week or more.
wildfyr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can usually crank one out in an hour+change (there are some fatter ones that aren't in the main series) but thats still a big time investment.
PineappleSlices ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Each book is only about 130 pages long. You can read one per day pretty easily.
X-istenz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:22:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey thanks for that, I actually never got around to reading, I think, the last two books? I know the gist of what went on, but it'll be good to hear it all laid out properly.
Coldstripe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:21 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I listen to him on long drives, it's a great series.
Visser Three is there. Visser Three is always there.
scleep ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:50:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did you ever read the spin-off book about some alien who travels through space and lives multiple lives. I remember it was connected to the animorphs universe. That shit wrecked my ten year old mind, but in the good way
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:55:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
zeekaran ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:57:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's also not the only one. I think. I know his origin book had him competing with another guy of his "species" and he failed to enlighten the cloudy planet aliens.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:04:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
noossab ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hork Bajir Chronicles was one of my favorite out of the whole series. I barely remember what happened, some sort of uprising story I think. And the mist was super creepy. Good stuff.
pku31 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:03:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An uprising story, with the uprisers stuck between a species that wants to enslave them and one that wants to genocide them, with the enslavers winning in the end, enslaving the entire species.
I always admired how Applegate didn't tone down the darkness just because it was a kids' book.
zeekaran ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:55:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely my favorite, and the Visser one after that. Also, those two had the best covers.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:23:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They played an evolution simulation game, where the goal? Or part of the fun, I guess, was to make the smallest possible change with the greatest effects. He's "competing" or playing with his friend and he clears a patch of sky so that they can see the stars. He's hoping that will coax to the stars, he's waiting for them to evolve and they're growing more technologically advanced and then they get completely wiped out by his friend's species. What his friend had done with his species was bump up their reproductive rate a tiny bit. What ends up happening is his species takes on a very warlike culture and eventually start to run out of resources on their planet so they learn to travel across planets and basically start pillaging everything.
Mighty_ShoePrint ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:57:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cryack, or something like that?
zeekaran ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:01:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://animorphs.wikia.com/wiki/Crayak
Huh. I don't remember this at all.
usgojoox ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:31:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought he was part of a species that was one if the first to be sentient in the universe. They essentially lived forever. Then one day something killed off his species and he was the lone survivor. For billions of years he's roamed around as some sort of god with near infinite powers until he runs into Cryak which is something (machine? Another survivor from an early species? Something like that.) that has roughly equivalent power. But while the Ellimist was trying to help species around and promote peace, Cryak was trying to find the most fit species to dominate the galaxy. They got in some sort of battle that destroyed a great deal of the universe before deciding to play a chess match in which they guided species to go head to head against each other instead. The battle on earth between Humans vs Yeerks was just one small part of this billions of years or so battle.
zeekaran ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for the summary. My memory had it that Cryak was another Ellimist, as if creepy space wizard was a species.
I take it Cryak is the same guy that gave Rachel super morph powers and let her turn into a carnivorous plant when fighting V3 in a duel?
usgojoox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:00:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is correct. Cryak is the red eye. Cryak is also the thing Jake sees just as the yeerk that infested him dies, the one that created the howlers to kill off those symbiotic species, and rescued David the rouge animporph from his rat island. Cryak tried messing with Jake at first but then switched to making Rachel turn because she was clearly more aggressive/reckless.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:26 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And wasn't there a subplot in which the Ellimist goes to a planet covered by an ocean that turns out to be the mind of a vast consciousness that has absorbed the memories and personalities of every alien it has ever encountered, and the Ellimist becomes part of that vast overmind?
metastasis_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His species was wiped out by hot sauce and he played games for eternity with a planet-sized being called Father.
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:26:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still have that book, it's a great one. The concept of the game at the beginning his race played before they died out was amazing. Two players go head to head by choosing one species each on a given planet. Each player can make one alteration to the environment of the planet in order to set their species up for success. Either one species goes extinct naturally or the other one kills them. I always thought that would make for an amazing game, albeit a bit horrifying.
metastasis_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:00:47 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hot sauce species thought so, too.
blindcolumn ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:57:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Ellimist Chronicles, that book was amazing!
scleep ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:45:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes this is it. I remember that cover. That was like the first serious book I read, completely disguised as a children's book
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:18:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol, I can still quote my favorite passage
To ten year old me that was cool as heck.
antaresiac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:26 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I reread that book recently as an adult annnnd it's pretty fucking good, to be honest. Much better, and more imaginative, than a lot of super serious sci fi
carcar134134 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:20:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whaaaaat no shit
wildfyr ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:17:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I looked out up most of the second half of the series was ghost written
whiskeydreamkathleen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that's true for most long series like that.
henry_tbags ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:51:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't re-read them since the mid-2000s so I can't speak to the prose, but the stories themselves are pretty great throughout. The ending of the dinosaur Megamorphs where Tobias commits genocide to return to the present and preserve the timeline has stayed with me since I read it, that shit was dark for me as a kid.
pku31 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:06:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hork-bajir chronicles, and the ellimist chronicles both have genocide in them, and the Andalite chronicles has Elfangor dealing with a commander who wants to commit war crimes, turn against him, and that have that spectacularly backfire when Visser Three infests said commander. Those books were dark.
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:40:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Animorphs commit two genocides and prevent three
pku31 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:47:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A net gain for our fair universe!
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder what the massacre tally is at
Novori12 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:06:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved the Andalite Chronicles.
However, everything she was setting up in the first few books didn't stay consistent at all, especially when it came to how Yeerks interacted with one another.
Somescrubpriest ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:07:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, I'd kinda love to read them in order. I read them when I was younger. But never in order and not all of them. I can't find 'em anywhere tho :(
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:41:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/Animorphs/comments/3litxl/reformatted_ebook_editions_download_links/
Somescrubpriest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:09:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you so much!! :D
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:08:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No problem. I've kind of made it my mission to spread this link as much as possible. Official Animorphs ebooks simply don't exist, which is a damn shame.
runasaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you are my hero.
now I need to find a charity that KA Applegate supports and donate on her behalf...
metastasis_d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:45 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic
runasaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:44 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh! That's right, isn't that the group she often thanks I'm her acknowledgements? There's also the raptor one that helped her get Tobias' character... I'll do some research when I get back to my half collection
metastasis_d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:24 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://animorphsforum.com/ebooks/
NickKappy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:01:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will you give me a series synopsis? I read a couple as a kid and always wondered how the series went, but I didn't have the time or energy to read them all
wildfyr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:03:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a great big internet world out there where this has been done already. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVYktEsUbDg&index=2&list=PL0EA16A3C32DCC79E for example
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 03:20:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is already a series where:
characters are disemboweled, have their limbs cut off, are smashed flat, etc. on a regular basis
One character attempts suicide in the 3rd book, and later spends about a third of a book being physically and mentally tortured.
The main characters trap another person in the body of a rat, then abandon him on an island to die.
Multiple protagonists commit genocide on one scale or another, including venting 17000 prisoners of war into space.
Most of the above characters are 13 years old.
What would Kafka do to make it worse?
KrazyTrumpeter05 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, who attempted suicide?
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 05:19:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tobias. It's heavily implied that he tries to kill himself by flying full-speed into/through a window at the mall.
scoutnemesis ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:59:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ohhhh...how did i miss that
Narrative_Causality ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:08:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's easy to miss when you're younger. It isn't commented on by Tobias, but it's obvious as an adult that's what's going on.
You probably missed that Rachel was about to be sexually assaulted in book 2, too.
KrazyTrumpeter05 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:34:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit, you're right!
Tarcanus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, that wasn't implied, I'm pretty sure the only reason he survived is because one of the others threw a baseball at the skylight and busted it so Tobias would fly into the sky instead of into glass.
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only hedged because he never mentions wanting to die or the like. He's basically having a panic attack at the time.
jwasko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're kinda right. I'd probably take the whole scene as suicide-ish although it's presented as "I'm trapped in a bad dream I'm desperate to wake up." Early on he's flying towards doors and walls thinking:
In the end it's a little less intention, more acceptance of an imminent death:
And this is all triggered because he killed and ate a rat for the first time!
jwasko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:01:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was Marco that through the baseball, yeah. Reread that a few months ago.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey now, there were a lot of other rats on the island, so they surmised that he would 'comfortably' live out the rest of his natural rat lifespan.
Cuchullion ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:08:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And to be fair, he was a gigantic piece of shit who put the future of humanity at risk because he couldn't stop bitching over how unfair his life was.
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:39:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a.k.a. he was a teenager
Cuchullion ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:03:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, not buying it. Five teenagers watched an alien ship land and were informed that not only was their world under attack, the opposing force consisted of them and whatever animals they could manage to touch, good luck and have fun.... and they managed to not lose it.
David was dealt an extremely shit hand, yes, but instead of nutting up and fighting the good fight like the rest of them he decided to rob, stalk, and otherwise perform shitty acts.
dispatch134711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uhh....
SamWhite ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:13:31 on May 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have their parents not believe them despite the evidence staring them straight in the face.
[deleted] ยท 378 points ยท Posted at 02:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude an adult Animorphs in general would be straight fire.
engin__r ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 03:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's still in progress, but I've really been enjoying this fanfic version of it.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:23:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
engin__r ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:47:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a more rational version of the story. A lot of the plot holes in the original series are either explained in terms of things that actually make sense, or the characters decide to do something else that is a better choice overall. They're also more creative with how they choose to use their powers, and I don't want to give any spoilers, but they do come up with some pretty clever ways to fight the Yeerks. One of the other major changes is that making bad decisions has real consequences, as opposed to the original format of the series where they have episode-of-the-week plots that don't affect anything long term. On the whole, if you're looking for something that keeps the ideas behind the original series without losing the good memories of the originals like you might if you reread the originals, I think this fanfic is pretty great.
wispcurl ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:12:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tobias did face lasting consequences.
But yeah so here for this
Cuchullion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:02:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only until they pulled a deus ex machina to make him not useless again.
usgojoox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:45:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They did in the original series but I'm so glad they did.
wispcurl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:23 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They did? Holy shit I need the rest of those books!
djvs9999 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:24:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sex.
CarbineFox ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 04:01:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're knot kidding.
Taedirk ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:13:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel ashamed to understand why this is funny.
bokudoku ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at what page does the sex starts? I didnt knew there was fan fiction with so many pages... At that point just make your own book
RscMrF ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:09:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would defeat the entire purpose of writing a fan fiction. People do it because they love and feel a strong connection to the source material. It's about expanding the "world" of whatever fiction you are writing for.
At least that is what I assume. I have never read any or wrote any, but I can imagine the urge, having read many book series or watched shows or movies that ended with me still wanting more.
bokudoku ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah i actually can understand that, still, i was hoping for a quick read of sex scenes and cant bloody find them becuz is soooo long.
RscMrF ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:31:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fair enough
goodnightdopey ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:25:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's fanfic, so I assume all the descriptive fucking
chaosfire235 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehhh I mean a good amount of fanfic is more than just smut.
...Won't deny a massive chuck of it is though.
MetadonDrelle ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:36:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean have you ever wonder how foreplay goes?
And the fucking would be otherworldly, and HUGE question
If impregnated, would they be humans for whatever the fuck that threeway was described above?
Angam23 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My guess would be that morphing between any forms would kill the fetus.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:57 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this where all the furries came from?
tintin_92 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:27:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it the entire story from scratch as if they were adults, or a sequel story?
engin__r ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:49:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Partially copy-pasted from another comment I wrote:
It's actually neither. The author of the fanfic is retelling the original story in a more rational way, so a lot of the plot holes in the original series are either explained in terms of things that actually make sense, or the characters decide to do something else that is a better choice overall. They're also more creative with how they choose to use their powers, and I don't want to give any spoilers, but they do come up with some pretty clever ways to fight the Yeerks. One of the other major changes is that making bad decisions has real consequences, as opposed to the original format of the series where they have episode-of-the-week plots that don't affect anything long term. On the whole, if you're looking for something that keeps the ideas behind the original series without losing the good memories of the originals like you might if you reread the originals, I think this fanfic is pretty great.
tintin_92 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:58:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that sounds fascinating! Could you give me an example of a corrected plot hole? I assume it goes beyond stuff like Tobias being able to thought speak in The Invasion.
FenrirW0lf ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:05:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fic tends to change entire swaths of the story rather than patching specific holes, and those changes come about because of characters making better kinds of decisions. What makes things interesting is those changes apply just as well to Visser 3 and the invasion force as it does to the Animorphs themselves. The Yeerks don't just completely ignore the fact that a zoo is the perfect place for a morph-capable insurgency to pick up exotic and deadly forms, for example.
engin__r ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:26:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure! In the original series, the Animorphs are (if I remember right) shown to be capable of using thought-speech while morphed as other humans, but they almost never take advantage of it. In the fanfic, they use it to talk securely. They can have one conversation using their voices in front of people they don't trust while appearing to be normal humans going about their lives, but talk to each other using thought-speech without having to worry about anyone listening in.
tintin_92 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, that's the one I was talking about too. IMO that's more of a retcon than an actual plot hole (she decided in the second book that thought speak would be restricted to when they were morphed, and kept it consistent throughout the rest of the series), but still, it's an interesting decision.
engin__r ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:41:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there are definitely a few retcons to keep things interesting (like in this case some slight changes to the morphing rules), but I think on the whole the changes make things more interesting. A lot of the fun part of the fanfic for me is reading about how the characters experiment with new ways to use the powers and try to figure out their limitations. The way of using the power as I described it should still be within canon limits (say Jake morphs Marco and vice versa, then they pretend to be each other while also thought-speaking to each other), and it's not 100% how it's used in the fanfic, but I think it's worth reading to see how it ends up getting applied.
AccelerationGate ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I guess I have a fanfiction to read.
dispatch134711 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:31:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or even morph themselves discretely to do the same.
IKnowUThinkSo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:44:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And there goes a bunch of my life down that tube.
bokudoku ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:51:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hahaha of course, the Reckoning, how else are you gonna name your fan fiction?
Strudol ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:03:45 on May 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, thank you so much for turning me on to this. I don't read much fanfiction anymore but this one is very good. I'm hooked pretty hard.
engin__r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:12 on May 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really glad you're enjoying it!
DSkuggs ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:41:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are at least three things in that single sentence that tell me you smoke weed.
usgojoox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:38:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The limit is 3 though right? Dude, talking about animators, and fire?
nafenafen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She also wrote "remnants" which I always thought would make an amazing adult oriented TV series / movie
Pho_Real_Dough ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:11:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, Remnants was so awesome. It's been a very long time and I never finished the series, but the image of waking up on a space ship and seeing your parents reduced to Swiss cheese by worms has been fried into my brain. It would be perfect for a SYFY TV series.
Pho_Real_Dough ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:11:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, Everworld? Holy Shit. Never read Animorphs myself
IcyColdStare ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:23:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everworld is a series I wish I'd read more of
Tarcanus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:22:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well there were only 13 books, so get reading.
I was disappointed that it wrapped up so quickly when there was so much more to be done with that premise/world.
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to read that one in grade school I made it as far as the dolphin worm and then I had to stop.
Then sometime later, when I was probably 17 I read them all, amazing series.
That part where they all lived in their little houses on the island with mother giving them pretty much anything they wanted still haunts me. I remember Othello in senior year literature being much more interesting because of those books, since I had a notion of what to expect from a certain character.
EarthAllAlong ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:52:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
im waiting for the gritty R rated film reboot. directed by villeneuve.
RatchetBro ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:15:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been thirsting for this hard for years. It won't happen though, the Animorphs rerelease a few years ago crashed and burned.
rainvest ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:55:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read the Metamorphosis? All it needs is holo cover of a guy turning into a cockroach through the weirdest stages possible and it would be the adultest of animorphs.
Michael__Cross ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fire
Scarletfapper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:47:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then people would just say they were ripping off Power Rangers.
Of course, people said that anyway...
Meyou52 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you say "adult", it makes me wonder if you actually read any of the books
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah I was wondering when my completely innocuous comment would attract some classic reddit passive aggressivism.
Yes, 9-13 yr old me read the fuck out of every one of those books. EDIT: Even the weird Goosebumps-style choose-your own adventure one.
Qaeta ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 02:55:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, I really want to read those books again, but I feel like doing so would annihilate my rose-colored glasses...
FlipJones ยท 64 points ยท Posted at 03:03:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, I feel they hold up pretty well. A bit dated at this point in cultural references, but the core (characters & issues) are fine. The one thing that will surprise you is how short they are; you can read through them really fast.
StaleTheBread ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:15:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read through them really fast already when I was in elementary school. If I ever want to get back into them, I should probably rent five at a time.
LPodyssey07 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:26:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rent? You mean you didn't get every book from each scholastic book fair until you owned every one?
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:38:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BrainIsSickToday ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:42:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To this day I still compare all other fantasy alien species to the Hork-Bajir.
Chosler88 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:52:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In which sense? Not sure if you're talking about the backstory of the species, which is really just incredibly well-done (as is the Yeerks, to be honest). There's actual depth to even the worst of the antagonists, which is really great at selling the overall gray area of the series where nothing is clear cut.
BrainIsSickToday ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:39:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I basically mean backstory yeah. I always liked how as the series progressed the Hork-Bajir went from being the Koopa Troopas of the Yeerk army to being these really fleshed out characters that you feel sorry for and start to root for by the end of the series.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:33:40 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She is so amazingly good at writing aliens in general. A lot of them, by her own admission, started out as weird random visualizations and then became more fully-fleshed out. She's so good at balancing humor and seriousness, too -- eg, the Skrit Na riff off the "flying saucer" imagery of pop culture aliens
LPodyssey07 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was smack dab in the age range for all of the books when they came out so I think I own all of them. Even the two Choose Your Own Adventure books that I think even as a child I recognized as being not very good.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:50:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg the member berries just hit me. I had the one with the animorph who went evil and I think I died more times than I made it through. I wish I kept those darn books
Chosler88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you don't have the Meet the Cast book you need to get on the level ;) And all five covers of Megamorphs #2.
Guess I just realized how hard I fanboy the series. Damn.
LPodyssey07 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I have the meet the cast book. #2 is the dinosaur one right? I'm pretty sure I only have one of those.
Chosler88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:19:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's always room to improve the collection :) If you want to go really deep, there's the different, non-glossy covers for the first like 5 books or so that are the first print run of the series.
Fabreeze63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:50:53 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I assume you already have the reprints of the first 6 books as well?
Chosler88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:06 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do, actually.
StaleTheBread ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:32:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Im not even sure if they still sold them when I was in elementary/middle school.
I'm a lot younger than the original demographic. I would look at the contests at the end of he books, get excited, then sadly realize that they ended the year I was born.
ThirdFloorNorth ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:41:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
coughcoughhereyougo
StaleTheBread ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:47:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already have a site for this bookmarked. I'm just better with paper books, because there are fewer distractions. Even then, I've been having a hard time keeping up with the reading I've wanted to. Besides, there are some series I want to finish before I get back to that. I don't like starting something when I haven't finished what I'm working on. Well, I do, but I'm trying not to so I could actually finish stuff.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:29:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah but there like 50 of them lol
Krasinet ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:00:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
54 + 4 Megamorphs + 4 Chronicles (Andalite, Hork-Bajir, Visser, Ellimist)
...I may have a problem >.>
Cheesedoodlerrrr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:59:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about the "choose your own adventure" ones?
Krasinet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:14:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, those aren't in continuity with the others.
(Granted the continuity of the Megamorphs is debatable, especially given how 3 of the 4 end up pushing a reset button via time-travel...)
Qaeta ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:29:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, I could always read through them really fast lol. Was reading Lord of the Rings in grade 3.
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:05:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The language itself can be dated, and the pacing is clearly YA, but the plot, characters, themes, etc. hold up shockingly well. There's a full set of ebooks out there if you google around.
(disclaimer: I am a major Animorphs nerd)
JumboJellybean ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:41:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was really surprised by how well the PTSD themes were handled and how genuinely upsetting and despairing the depiction of infestation was. There's a much stronger horror vibe than I remembered and a lot more misery. The character arcs are well-executed too, everyone gets a trajectory through the series that progresses in a believable way. The high points are when you get books and chapters from the POV of the infested and look at the moral justifications for their parasitism and the war.
I was also surprised at the amount of really morbid stuff that's in there for a YA series. At one point the Yeerks force two humans to fuck against their will, they get annoyed at the brains of drug addicts and let them die, there's at least one explicit suicide attempt, humans held captive in breeding facilities, the disabled kids getting cooked alive, jamming thousands of humans into train cars headed for camps as Cassie talks about a second Holocaust... I didn't remember any of that.
The weak part is the stagnant portion between the original author leaving and the ending arc beginning, and the mediocre villain. Visser Three repeatedly attacking and retreating to attack another day is really cheesy, and they don't do much to make him three-dimensional. The characters at several points say that killing him would be futile because he'd just be replaced by another officer; it would've been interesting to see that actually happen.
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:52:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the quality (and especially rereadabiliaty) varies in the middle. The 20s, plus a few books on either side, are the high point in my opinion, then the 30s and early 40s are a bit of a slump with a few higher points. Once you hit 45, the endgame starts and things go to hell in all the best ways.
mrcarlita ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:52:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The last batch is epic. Once they rescue Marcos mom and recruit the disabled kids, it's lit
JumboJellybean ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:16:54 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, for sure. There's a solid build-up and beginning, then the series treads water for ~15 books, but the final 4 or 5 books tell a really great final arc.
Chosler88 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:54:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget them crashing mass transportation into buildings to take them down. Reading that post-9/11 is a whole different perspective.
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They both fly a plane into a skyscraper and subway bomb thousands of defenseless people
slightlyaw_kward ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:16:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember that.
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:25:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First two yeerks who find Earth iirc
PlasticCocktailSword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Visser, Visser One recollects how she and the other yeerk that were first on Earth had human children via the humans they were controlling
JumboJellybean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:49 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's in the book "Visser", which tells the story of the first Yeerk on Earth, her exploration of the world, and her attempt to persuade her species to invade it -- and eventually, her infestation of Marco's mother and ascent to basically head of the armed forces. It has a number of the most brutal scenes in the series:
slightlyaw_kward ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:26 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. So why is Visser Three on the cover?
JumboJellybean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:19:18 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, it's a weird choice. He's in the book but only for about 1/10th of it. I'd guess either because he's the more famous villain, or because it's a more striking cover to put an obvious alien on, rather than a Yeerk (which just looks like a slug) or a human woman.
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:24:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do they never mention that he may get replaced by someone more competent?
NR258Y ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:10:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too, I started reading them again after finding one in my local second hand store. I was really surprised how well it held up considering I hadn't read any (except the Andalite Chronicles, my favourite) since the series ended.
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shameless plug, then, for my project: a full-cast audiobook of Megamorphs #1
LibraryLass ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:23:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Subscribed.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:55 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YA pacing = breakneck speed of plot progression?
JRandomHacker172342 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:45 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some of that is just KA - lots of really short sentences jammed together during action sequences.
Trips-Over-Tail ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:38:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like the rationalist fanfics, when they make all the characters (kids and aliens) a lot smarter and give them the intent to actually win. Tension goes through the roof. Visser Three cracks their true identities almost immediately. Even Crayak gets shrewd.
allenthird ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:23:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just unpacked these from my parents house. They hold up very well. The nostalgia is real.
Chosler88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They absolutely hold up in overall narrative. Some of the ghostwritten ones are atrocious filler, but the core parts that make Animorphs Animorphs hold up really, really well. I have every book and re-read a few years ago, it was well worth it. Man, it goes dark.
aidirector ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:08:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an adult, I really enjoy the Rational retelling: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11090259/
tintin_92 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried to re-read them a while back... The first time around, the gripping war story was enough to ignore the fact that it was written with preteens in mind (at least from a prose perspective). This time... Wasn't enough.
Not to say it's bad, just not really suitable for adults to read.
Qaeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, this is what I'm afraid of. Would rather have the memories, rather than destroy them trying to recapture them.
mrcarlita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some guy on /r/animorphs uploaded them all onto Google Drive. I re read them on car and train rides one summer. Seriously holds up well, as long as you skim through some of the middle of the series books
Narrative_Causality ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:17:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shout out from r/Animorphs!
PolarisDiB ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:14:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What attacked from space? The friends do not know. They can only gather a hint of their presence from the underground bureaucracy the aliens built, city sized, under the friends' school, where the citizens of their town bend over a pool of ink to accept the aliens' thoughts inside their own head."
locationspy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:32:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animorphosis
jwasko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My godmother (rest her soul) used to always mispronounce "Animorphs" as this when she watched me. I've been thinking of this lately but couldn't quite remember what she said. Thanks for the reminder.
IDrinkUrMilksteak ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:32:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like a Kafkaesque Breaking Bad.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:56:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of focusing on epic interstellar battles, it focuses on the andalites who process insurance claims for lost or damaged battleships
pku31 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:13:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A story about a Yeerk who infests a DMV agent, and after a lifetime of combat, now has to handle working for the DMV.
grottohopper ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:06:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see an Animorphs movie by David Cronenberg.
LibraryLass ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:24:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want Hideaki Anno. I feel like the guy responsible for Evangelion is gonna be one of the few that could nail both the "weird fucking aliens" stuff, and the "teenagers undergoing deep psychological suffering" aspect.
mordahl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:42:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus, everything's better with an NGE inspired soundtrack.
You just know he'd slip a couple in, like in shin-godzilla.
grottohopper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:30:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, thanks for being such a great mod of r/asksciencefiction!
I completely agree and am a little surprised I never imagined how awesome a no-holds-barred Animorphs anime would be considering how often I look at Animorphs fan art.
LibraryLass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I try my best!
Yeah, I think animation's the only way to go with Animorphs-- there's too much serialization for a movie and we've already seen that by necessity it'd be too effects-heavy to try a live action TV show and have it be any good.
FISTofTHAN0S ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:07:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So everyone wakes up stuck in their transformations and their family locks them in their rooms and conspires to get rid of them. If I could turn into an animal this would be the story of my life...
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:53:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
LHippopotamelan ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 02:57:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the joke.
Nickabod_ ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woosh
askyourmom469 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:57:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's where he's going with that
DigThatFunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No.
LilSquez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:30:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ummm I'm just gonna put this out there, I own the entire series. Including the special books
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:28:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<pauper's reddit gold>
Georgia_Ball ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!RedditSilver Wishingtin
tyrannonorris ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:17:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what salvia feels like
TeddysBigStick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:29:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We would never actually read it. He would get stuck half way through and just say fuck it and burn the manuscript.
opivyroolz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tweeted this idea a couple weeks ago, all I got was a retweet from my sister... I guess my tweet got covered by another author :/
Novori12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:04:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andalites' disdain and arrogance would be much more passive, which somehow makes it seem even more pronounced.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:24:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shouldn't it be big bad beetle borgs?
sanitation123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved Animorphs as a kid. I would read this!
mazer_rack_em ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:54:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the only decent response. Thank you
bananasta32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:02:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whenever I think about Animorphs books, I always remember them pretty fondly, until I circle back around to the fact that holy shit, those books are violent and get DARK.
SmokeyUnicycle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:27:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why I remember them so fondly honestly
danhakimi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was just a cover of kafka in the first place.
gamer347 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I thought I was the only one who read this series! I racked up a $100 overdue fee at a library from that series
8oD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or the boxcar children.
Wolf97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did reddit get super nostalgic over those books recently?
beardingmesoftly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carl Sagan covers the Left Behind series
ellimist91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As long as it shows how treacherous Crayak is
mrlady06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/l_dFpKZo54w
notbad4ahuman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're talking about this right now over at /r/animorphs
biggiefoxie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was mildly amused by some of the contents on this thread. Yours is the first to make me rally stop and think.
teamobliterator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! I just read Metamorphosis last week. Funny timing.
RevolverOcelot420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As he awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, Tobias found himself transformed in his bed into the most beautiful falcon.
KateInSpace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, have you read The Metamorphosis?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:13:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would buy this. I read Animorphs as a kid and wasn't able to finish those books. I read Kafka and the writing just pulled me in and relaxed me and I felt good while reading him (I was conscious and aware of events while getting used to his writing). Having only read one book I would be attracted to more of his writing when knowing he wrote Animorphs.
musicvan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My brain read Animaniacs. I thought that's odd, haven't heard an Animaniacs reference in ages... oh i'm mistaken. I look 6 posts down and it's titled "Animaniacs was the best" that's 7 hours old while this was only 2 hours old, yet I had been away from reddit all day so I wasn't primed to be thinking about Animaniacs. This concludes that your response was entirely the result of the Animaniacs post if your response made me think about what made you think about what you were thinking about. Legit.
BearEater ยท 1535 points ยท Posted at 01:17:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Notebook by Milan Kundera
Jesus Christ OP thank you so much for this.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 594 points ยท Posted at 01:29:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My pleasure- your suggestion rocks. It made me think of another: Salman Rushdie writes the Twilight Series.
polkadotdream ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 03:49:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'm imagining a really rich ensemble cast of supernatural beings in India whose complex species politics (the vampires' internal strife amongst various covens, their united war against the werewolves, their shaky on-again-off-again alliance with ghosts, etc.) are a larger allegory for the difficult transition from colonial oppression to postcolonial self-fulfillment.
Is that about what you're imagining?
Kraken_Greyjoy ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe The Devourers by Indra Das is similar. Still haven't gotten around to reading it, though.
Also an Indian Twilight would have Rakshasas vs Naga or something.
SmokingBun ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:16:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, now I HAVE to write this
TOPgunn95 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:02:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do it please!
nadarko ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're a smart cookie OP. Don't let anybody tell you differently.
whizzer0 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:05:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like book remakes should totally be a thing. We can cover a bad song and remake a bad movie, but bad books tend to stay unfixed.
Preacherjonson ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:51:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that didn't result in a fatwa I'd be disappointed.
SmokingBun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fatwa is a muslim thing, feel free to go wild with Hinduism though
Preacherjonson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would I? Rushdie was a Muslim and had a fatwa issued against him after publishing The Satanic Verses.
SmokingBun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because Hinduism is cool and it would be cool if stories were written featuring that mythology?
Preacherjonson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is but I fail to see how that's relevant. I mean if Rusdhie writes that sort of stuff then cool but I don't get where this is going.
zumurrudthegreat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:49:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rushdie wrote 2 Years 8Months and 28 Nights which is obviously not Twilight but has a couple of similar themes!
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better yet, Salman Rushdie writes the Qaran.
bangoskank_lives ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:18:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Notebook by Vladimir Nabokov
tway1948 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:37:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolita by Kundera would awesome too.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:41:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite response.
reddit_l8r ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:26:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why? (If you can forgive my ignorance; all I know is the poster of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in the rain.)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:12:06 on May 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kundera is incredibly philosophical and overtly sexual in nature. He makes quips about the nature of people and relationships - it would be incredibly interesting to see his take on a Sparks novel.
reddit_l8r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:56:58 on May 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
Coug-Ra ยท 539 points ยท Posted at 02:29:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On The Road by Aldous Huxley
christurnbull ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 07:50:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huxley's 1984? Orwell's Brave New World?
Hipster_Bear ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 12:18:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huxley's 1984 pretty much WAS Brave New World.
mike_rob ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:51:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or maybe 1984 was Orwell's Brave New World.
BNW did come first, after all.
404timenotfound ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 17:17:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brave New World was written first though
ipulloffmygstring ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 04:52:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Brave New World by Richard Dawkins
SGT_Chowdown ยท 71 points ยท Posted at 05:33:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it would be literally the most insufferable book ever written by man, even worse than ayn rand
Zadig69 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 11:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think anything could ever be worse than Anthem...
kirby777 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like a gritty, post-apocalyptic trip!
Tesrab ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:46:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just happy that someone wrote a Lovecraft version. It's called Move Under Ground for those who aren't aware.
gnarlycharlie4u ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:O
PointyOintment ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:06:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road by [the above-mentioned author].
examinedliving ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:41:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be the same but slower and harder to understand
friendsomewhere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:12:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just replace Benzedrine with LSD, and you'd have a start.
friendlydilletante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering about On the Road by Mark Haddon.
Buloi92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*On the unnecessarily verbose road that never ends because you won't finish this book unless someone is making you
...I'm not a big fan of Huxley's style is all lol.
[deleted] ยท 20182 points ยท Posted at 03:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet by Lemony Snicket.
Dear Viewer,
If you entered this play with the hopes of seeing a light comedy, you would be better off searching elsewhere. This story may begin like a light comedy, when Romeo and Juliet meet and dance at Masquerade Ball, but don't be mistaken. If you know anything about the Montagues and Capulets, then you will know that no friendship between them will last.
In fact, within these scenes, the couple must deal with the horrors of murderous in-laws, poisonous drinks, poetry, and mail arriving late.
I am bound to tell the story of these tragic events, but you are free to exit this theatre and go to A Midsummer Night's Dream next week.
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Derf_Jagged ยท 2249 points ยท Posted at 04:00:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until:
At which point Mercutio exclaimed "thou a poperin pear!", a phrase which here means...
kannon17 ยท 1874 points ยท Posted at 04:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would actually be a fantastic way to read Shakespeare. They'd beat you over the head with the jokes until you understood them.
supremecrafters ยท 904 points ยท Posted at 05:40:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that hard to understand. Just take all the jokes you don't understand and assume they're sexual innuendo. You'll probably be right.
mgman640 ยท 135 points ยท Posted at 06:16:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or assume they're high comedy with no sexual undertones at all, and youd also be right! (Shakespear was a master at appealing to both the low classes and the nobility, often within the same jokes, as the nobility often wouldn't understand the slang used by the lower classes, so itd mean something entirely different to both groups)
Shaharlazaad ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 07:50:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm ashamed to say I haven't read much Shakespeare except for what they forced on me in high school, but that sounds hella interesting, any chance you can think of an example for me?
[deleted] ยท 90 points ยท Posted at 08:43:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the characters in Much Ado About Nothing is nicknamed Signior Montanto. A montanto is a fencing maneuver where a quick, upward thrust is delivered. It's considered a cheap shot in the dueling world (high class) and is another name for this motion (low class).
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 13:35:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even the title of that play is sexual innuendo. At the time, the word "nothing" was a slang term for vagina. So it means Much Ado About Pussy.
[deleted] ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 15:02:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And again, the joke goes two ways! In early modern English, "nothing" can be pronounced "noting", as in overhearing and taking note. A central element of the plot is eavesdropping.
ChimericalRequem ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 11:12:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was kind of expecting a NSFW link. A little disappointed.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 15:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it was NSFW in 1598.
fenian1798 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:47:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AKA Benedick. I played him in a high school production years ago. Fun times.
KingPellinore ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 10:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much. Twelfth Night manages to have a subplot about a butler trying to become nobility by marrying up (haha! Those funny plebeians!) but also makes a "cunt"joke when he's reading a letter he thinks is from the lady he wants to marry.
Malvolio: (picking up the letter) By my life, this is my ladyโs hand these be her very Cโs, her Uโs and her Tโs and thus makes she her great Pโs!
nyanlol ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 09:22:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or just a really terrible pun that you can be certain made the entire cast groan when forced to say the lines out loud
llBoonell ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 07:55:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Did you think I meant country matters?" - Hamlet
My English teacher was half-impressed, half-disgusted when I was the first one in the class to get it. I still don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.
argentumArbiter ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:03:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't get it. Is it a joke about incest?
leetdood_shadowban2 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 13:23:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a joke about cunts
thisshortenough ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:24:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take the ry off country and remove the o what are you left with?
gramathy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 16:20:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes" was a quadruple pun:
Obviously we're talking about the progeny of the current heads of houses.
We're also talking about how these two kids having a sexual relationship ends in lots of death.
When pronounced aloud at the time, the pronunciation sounds like "lines", which has two meanings here:
The bloodlines of the families
The lines of the play itself.
The elusive quadruple entendre.
khalfrodo34 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 17:53:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The moment I learned that Shakespearian English was kinda close to a modern rural English accent is the moment that his plays got about 10x funnier.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:01:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then Mercutio exclaimed "Gaaaaayyyy!"
hansfish ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:43:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I both want to upvote you and want to leave you at 69 points.
Pilchard123 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:33:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a 'yo mamma' or two joke for good measure.
KingPellinore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am shakespeare performer. Can confirm.
kannon17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:07:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but sometimes you don't even understand there's a joke there to miss.
seabutcher ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:46:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snicket (or OP) could definitely stand to make a living on that. I'd buy this series.
kannon17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:06:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely.
laeiryn ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:54:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fall back upon the bed, Juliet
yes we know you're 12
no, no one cares
Dyvius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:06:43 on August 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite senior year literature assignment was taking segments from Othello and making them with modern speak. Pretty basic, but my group got the scene where the wives are gossiping about Othello and Iago.
So, of course I threw in the line "once you go black you never go back."
10/10 would say that line in front of a classroom full of my peers and the teacher again.
LordofShit ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:48:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which would be rather helpful at times!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:53:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Look who I found, a familiar alias roaming about Snoo's domain just as I was!
Derf_Jagged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:01:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oi! A familiar body!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You must assist! I'm having bad thoughts, thinking about if bolding glyphs is possibly fun. You must fill my mind with propaganda again!
Derf_Jagged ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No skill is shown if you go to that dark half of Snoo's domain! A small story you must author to sway your mind!
toadkiller ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is happening here!? I want in!
Derf_Jagged ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/AVoid5, stay for a bit :)
toadkiller ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:43:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man this hurts my brain.
Writing is going to bug m... is going to b... is gonna suck for a whil... fuck!
Voxous ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:26:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I knew what this was as soon as you said alias.
almightySapling ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:50:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please stop, I can only be so erect.
BlueShift42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go on...
dickbuttscompanion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:51:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would have been great 10 years ago when we did R+J in school
delorean225 ยท 3894 points ยท Posted at 03:25:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a really good imitation of his voice.
DreadPirate616 ยท 2142 points ยท Posted at 04:03:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially if you read it in Patrick Warburton's voice.
JallerHCIM ยท 1242 points ยท Posted at 04:21:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck, I read it as Jude Law.
X-espia ยท 82 points ยท Posted at 04:25:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck me too...not literally
bmlzootown ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:33:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't be too quick to say that... this is Jude Law we're talking about here. Don't know many people that would pass up that opportunity, male or female.
X-espia ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:04:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm more of a #henrycavilcanturnme type of guy.
bmlzootown ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:06:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure every guy is a #henrycavillcanturnme type of guy... Some just don't know it yet.
I'm up for him trying, at least.
mjselvig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:12 on June 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
me too thanks
imnotsurethatsnotok ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:49:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it as Gilbert Gottfried
Hubley ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just re-read it as Gilbert Gottfried, it was a good laugh
LAND0KARDASHIAN ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:31:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it in Douglas Adams' voice.
Vexal ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:59:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it as Chandler from friends. Could this story be any more depressing.
xerox13ster ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:17:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm ashamed to say that I don't know what Douglas Adam's voice sounds like.
cool_cool-cool-cool ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:55:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Fry.
sicurri ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:47:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it as Sir Patrick Stewart, and it was quite pleasant.
cranberry94 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:51:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Indeed.
RuneWarp ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:52:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim Curry dude, no contest.
jaaaase ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 08:58:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yess you're so right. I'm listening to the vile village on my work commute.
DirtyMarTeeny ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:46:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had no idea he narrated the audiobooks and this makes me want them despite typically not liking audiobooks
orilynn ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:18:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus he narrated the movie's video game adaptation that I played too much of as a child, so he's pretty much my cannon Snicket.
distillit ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:01:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it in Tim Curry's.
sweetalkersweetalker ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 04:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jude Law makes a better Lemony Snicket.
Jim Carrey makes a better Olaf.
There, I said it.
Ekublai ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 04:43:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The movie was not bad. There I said it.
chasingstatues ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 04:54:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking Emmanuel Lubezki was the cinematographer. He's won a million awards. He's done every Terrence Malick film since The New World, he did The Revenant and Birdman, Gravity and Children of Men. People can say what they want about that film but goddamn it had the best cinematographer a movie could have.
sweetalkersweetalker ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 05:07:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The story was just too chopped up. I've never read the books, but the plot of the film was just fucking everywhere, it was impossible to care about anything that was happening because it all flew by so fast.
But the cinematography was outstanding, the characters were fun, the sets were incredible.
breathe_exhale ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 05:12:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They tried to jam in 3 books in one movie, so that's probably why it felt choppy. Each guardian was one book.
SomeRandomMax ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:47:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weird. That is the complete opposite of modern filmmaking logic. Typically it is closer to "Why waste a good book on only one movie? Cut it in half so we can have a sequel!"
infantsatan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:06:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think they felt like there wasn't enough substance with each book to make a full length movie out of just one. If you read atleast the first 4 books, you'll zoom through them very quickly because of how short they are. I'm honestly surprised they didn't try to make a franchise out of the series. Seems like such a wasted opportunity.
breathe_exhale ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:58:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True, but there's also 13 books in the series, and cramming 3 or 4 books into one movie was probably easier than having 13 movies. It was also made by Nickelodeon, and I don't think they intended to make a Series of Unfortunate TV Episodes haha
ClarkZuckerberg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:10:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well "modern" is as in the last 10 years or even more recent. That wasn't a thing 13 years ago as much as it is now with the "Parts" of movie.
cd2220 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:20:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ill give you that. Having read most of the series there was just too much to be cut up like that, and the ending with the wedding was actually the end of the first book, or the book the first part of the movie was about.
BlueBerrySyrup ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:13:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the music was great!
Zurrkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:25:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drive Away (the credits theme) is haunting.
MailerDaemon452 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:44:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish you hadn't
everydayisstorytime ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 07:19:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, Meryl Streep made for a rollicking Aunt Josephine.
spamholderman ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:49:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Movie Wide Window > Netflix Wide Window
BarelyOriginal ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:02:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either way, Aunt Josephina is a terrible guardian.
DirtyMarTeeny ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:47:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But only really because of Meryl Streep
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 06:08:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Movie Everything > Netflix Everything
ViioletIndigo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:08:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love the movie, so..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So I read all the books almost a decade ago, I really enjoyed the movie tbh. I know they couldn't add more than a few books into a 2 hour movie (or however long it is) and I understand they'd chang stuff as is done with every movie version of a book(s). Now the Netflix series, I haven't seen any of it and honestly I don't care to. Not that it looks bad, I just don't want to put the effort into watching an entire series on A Seies of Unfortunate Events. But honestly, the cast doesn't look like they'd do as well as the cast from the movie did. I can't see what's his name being Count Olaf, but I can see Jim Carry doing so, even if I hadn't already seen the movie.
cdrchandler ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:40:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I originally didn't want to watch the show either. I couldn't really see Neil Patrick Harris as Count Olaf, but I do like his acting overall, so I ended up watching it. At some point in the first episode, NPH has Olaf sort of break his act and the "real" Olaf shines through, and it was just hilarious to me for some reason. Looking for small moments like that kept me coming back for the rest of the episodes.
The actors that play Violet and Klaus in the show are, in my opinion, almost completely replicating the movie actors' portrayals of the characters. The line delivery and mannerisms of the show actors are very similar to the movie actors'. There's something both flat and endearing about them. A large percentage of Sunny's screen time is CGI in later episodes, and for some reason her babble was dubbed. I don't really have anything to say for her.
Ekublai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:22:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The looks of the kids are definitely replicated, but I also think they're schtickier than the movie orphans.
At some points they seem to just stop animating Sunny's model, which makes her look reallly eerie.
theBotThatWasMeta ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:13:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Film had better guardians too
cd2220 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:19:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna have to say that's in your opinion because I fucking hated that movie when I was a kid and watching it now. Just my opinion though. I think NPH fucking nails the role.
sweetalkersweetalker ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:29:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's not bad, not at all. But he lacks the utter lunacy that Jim Carrey brings.
ComedicPause ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:25:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NPH does what he can, but he was blatantly miscast.
the_simurgh ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:02:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck, i read it as weird al yankovic
deltrig2113 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:51:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was subconsciously doing that! I didn't know it was Jude Law's voice but that's who it was...my brain must've filed that away.
cortexstack ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Malcolm McDowell here.
Thedeadlypoet ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:43:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it as Stephen Fry...
alyaaz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:59:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are two types of people
Thirdyearfreshmen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:02:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it in the voice of the narrator of The Grand Budapest Hotel.
dungeon_plastered ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it as Gilbert Godfrey. I think it was something I ate.
Fuckinchrist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:49:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gilbert gottfried
blockblock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:27:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooo, mistake!
alwaysZenryoku ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:10:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Law?
tmmtx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:14:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Without even realizing it I read it in Jude Law's clipped manner. Damn you Jude law!
Therealbigteddy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The real Lemony Snicket
Skyttlz ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:48:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will the real Lemony Snicket please stand up?
Zurrkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His name is Daniel Handler.
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still not a bad deal.
AntiFarkRedditor88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always imagined it as sounding exactly like DC Douglas
BRUTALLEEHONEST ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck Jude Law, I read it as.
FullBlownPanic ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't even realize I did until I read your comment
valek879 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:37:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hated Snicket interjecting in the books, love Patrick "Kronk" Warburton interjecting in the show!
gramathy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how they have him interjecting as he's escaping from wherever he currently is, as if he feels it to be so important that he clarify but still needs to get away from whoever's chasing him.
strongfoam ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:34:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey Peter
DylanRed ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:26:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love Patrick Warburton and his voice but it's not how I imagined Lemony Snicket's voice would be when I watched the show and I was kind of disappointed. I always imagined Snicket as having a quieter smaller-dude type of voice.
your_mind_aches ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:15:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagined it as a more melancholic, American version of my primary school headmaster. Ultimately sounded not far off from what Snicket actually sounds like.
But now it's totally Patrick Warburton for me. The more old timey accent and pronunciation fits perfectly with what I had imagined and updates it totally.
Freezus18 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:48:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't say I could pick a better person to be the voice of snicket
KJ6BWB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:51:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it in Neil Patrick Harris's voice.
Coldspark824 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:57:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear Peter,
Bap Pap Beep Beeeater.
whos_to_know ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Tim Curry!! He did the audiobooks.
RaceHard ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:20:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuck no, no way! I cant afford to buy mote audiobooks... say it ain't true!
whos_to_know ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:02:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry to say but... They are excellent.
beardingmesoftly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the guy from Seinfeld right?
egj ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:40:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but he plays Lemony Snicket in the tv show.
beardingmesoftly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:53:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh nice, the narrator has a face in this version?
egj ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:57:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, he stands in the middle of the scenes sometimes. You can see Patrick Warburton in this trailer at the start. It's a really great show.
Edit: This teaser is also great: https://youtu.be/6hlNVt-STn4
Tsquared10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. I did.
denimwookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
good lord! this completely changed how i read it! awesome!
NeverBeenStung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The really knocked it out of the park with that casting selection.
craftygnomes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The poison for Romeo. Romeo's poison. The poison to kill Romeo.
olmikeyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brock motherfuckin Samson?
Dragonsandman ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Morgan Freeman reading this would sound better.
Racecar_Kittycat ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:26:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like that the list of horrible things that will happen in the story ends with something that sounds like a mundane annoyance. Very Snicket.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:55:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This sounds more like Rod Serling in my opinion.
oneclassybum ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:02:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys can hear the voices too?!?!
royisabau5 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:15:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but usually they just tell me to murder /u/oneclassybum, not sure why
Budhevy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:03:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe it is lemony snicket
EmeraldFlight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not that hard until you get into the shit he did not as "Lemony Snicket"
KevinSanToast ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:25:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like a cover of an imaginary cover.
Bob49459 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 04:17:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The entire thing is so dry, and flat out tells you what happens if you know the story, and still leaves it open enough to be a good story.
samwisethebrave364 ยท 974 points ยท Posted at 03:42:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. Is. Phenomenal. You've given me an authentic nerd moment.
ArdentPursuit ยท 484 points ยท Posted at 04:08:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That part brought back good memories of a simpler time
[deleted] ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 08:56:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The girl who played the eldest sibling is smokin'
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:58:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:53:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I meant now. The actress is hot. YUP MEANT THE 14 YEAR OLD MHMMM YESSIREE BOB I LOVE ME SOME 14 YEAR OLD GIRLS
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:54:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didnt know there was a show i was talking about a movie
Lebagel ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 11:24:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shakespeare nerd in me can't get over the fact it's a play and not a novel.
ihatedogs2 ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 04:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just realized I miss A Series of Unfortunate Events
spiderkid319 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 04:09:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen the Netflix series? It sticks pretty much exactly to the books, but adds even more VFD conspiracy and is even more depressing.
ihatedogs2 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:13:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah that was a thing. Gotta watch that shit.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:38:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I went in with very low hopes after the first dump that came to be... This one, Neil Patrick Harris holds much better a character and it isnt focused on him. I like this version.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:40:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...I enjoyed the Jim Carrey version...
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:04:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's cool. I just felt it didn't stick to the true books and focused on Jim Carrey as an actor. Plus, the movie format didn't really work and rushed through a bunch of stuff.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:42:13 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Valid for the first point since I didn't read the books.
Personally I don't think the second point should apply. Movies could never match up to their novel equivalent. If Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire was accurate to the books it would be like 15 hours long!
The only ones that do a decent job is Game of Thrones and they use 1 HOUR LONG SHOWS FOR A WHOLE SEASON FOR ONE BOOK.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:08 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was pretty terrible though. It skipped most of the books or briefed over them in a couple minutes. They should have done a mini series or seasons like Netflix is doing. Honestly the Netflix series seems to match perfectly with the books so far.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:15:27 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that's just asking for a lot, you realize that it came out like 13 years ago? What other book series had a whole series dedicated to it?
It's not really fair to compare the two, you wouldn't compare the gold medalist in long jumping from the like, 1920s to one from today. They're just working with different resources and in a different competition.
Again, I can't really speak for this series, but trying to relate more to the HP books since I used to be pretty into that and had the same it's not the same as the books attitude about it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:00:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This series had the longest book just around 200 if I recall correctly. It is by no means close to HP or any other novels. The writing style was just great with the third person narration, like a play really.
nladyman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:07:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually found the movie to have a more enjoyably grim atmosphere
spiderkid319 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:09:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mostly meant that the show includes more heartbreaking scenes that the book doesn't show.
SobiTheRobot ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:04:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can always go read them again.
But I suppose it's hard to find anything else quite like Lemony Snicket's writing, isn't it?
Zurrkitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of a kind. Daniel Handler has plenty of adult work to read as well, which is quite nice.
mercedene1 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:08:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't seen it yet, the Netflix show is delightful. Perfect adaptation.
HanSoloBolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started a podcast about the series last year and it was a
joyheartbreaking experience to re-read them as an adult. They hold up very well.PoopyWaffle ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:50:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be willing to read anything written in his style
EternalJedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by Lemony Snicket would be great to read. '-')b
shin_zantesu ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 04:13:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, Shakespeare does open Romeo and Juliet with exactly this. The prologue in which they are referred to "star-cross'd lovers" is basically telling the audience that the following story is going to end badly.
turkeyvolcano ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 03:34:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You, my friend, are a gift. Thank you for bringing this into my life. This is so perfect it hurts.
Dragonsandman ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:56:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are we sure Lemony Snicket didn't help Shakespeare write Romeo and Juliet? Because it really does feel like something Lemony Snicket would write.
mercedene1 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:07:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, this is brilliant!! I feel like we need to start a kickstarter to fund Lemony Snicket covering Shakespeare.
SupaKoopa714 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:05:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, are you actually Lemony Snicket?
i_wish_i_was_a____ ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:11:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ironically, this is fairly similar to how Romeo and Juliet actually begins.
Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventured piteous overthrows Do with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; The which if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
odious_odes ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 10:38:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not ironic, it's deliberate. OP rewrote the prologue as Lemony Snicket might write it for a modern-day audience. The content is tweaked slightly -- includes the ball, excludes explicit mention of the deaths -- but that's just to make it a better adaptation.
i_wish_i_was_a____ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:42:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair. Solid interpretation, yo.
Edit: "ironically" was not the right introduction to my thought.
odious_odes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:45:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solid reply, yo.
And thanks for posting the original text; it makes a good point of comparison for people unfamiliar with it or who need a refresher (like me).
theironphilosopher ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:51:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is incredible. May I recommend you to r/ASOUE?
AlexPenname ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:03:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit just anything by Shakespeare. Although Titus Andronicus might get a little weird.
YouCantStopAH ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:22:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um can you write it? Close enough. You nailed his writing perfectly!
gibeonthegoofy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:31:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I think there should be a Lemony Skicket cover for every book
shrub_hugger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:43:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.
DevilSympathy ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:15:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The world is quiet here.
Zurrkitty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If there's nothing out there, then what was that noise?
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:47:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/redditwriteslemonysnicket should really be real.
ilikespookystories ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now this will be the itch that will never get scratched l.
eduardog3000 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:31:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that in Patrick Warburton's voice. He was a really good choice for Lemony Snicket.
ViioletIndigo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:16:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that who plays Lemony's character in the new Netflix series?
myopinionsdontmatter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:07:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes
bobbywaz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a real play, The Two Gentlemen of Lebowski
Thisismypseudonym ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐ฅ๐ฅ Ascot๐ฅ๐ฅ
runninron69 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:05:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait! You mean Capulets aren't a brand of aspirin?
IndoDovahkiin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:49:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh fuck, just make Lemony Snicket rewrite all of Shakespeare's plays in his style. It would be fucking good.
Stagamemnon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:59:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless it happens to be Joseph Conrad's version of A Midsummer Night's Dream. Much darker. Much more racial tension between the humans and the fairies.
a_leprechaun ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:10:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done with the mail arriving late bit. Entirely important to the plot but extremely Lemony Snicket too.
jaktyp ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:07:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet is one of the best comedies of all time
Deathboy262 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:13:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I'm pretty sure it's widely accepted that Shakespeare wrote it as a comedy making fun of the characters and people like them
themightystringbean ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:30:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really dont feel that its a comedy as it doesnt really follow the comedy tropes of that time period. All of shakespeares actual comedies do follow those tropes. I cant remember all of them, but typically comedies end in weddings, and r+j obviously does not
Darth_Sensitive ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:03:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he was just a middle school teacher who wrote that shit down.
Source: the middle schoolers I teach are like this.
jaktyp ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:15:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I laughed the whole time through reading it
Jaracuda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I would read the shit out of that
Riddle_me_brah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"A series of unfortunate parents"
Gam256 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:37:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont remember Snicket, so I went with my goto voice actor, Gilbert Godfrey. He read most things for me in my head.
dramione14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never knew I needed this in my life until now.
NeuHundred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:06:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Lemony Shakespeare," and I so want to read more.
Krookedkrondor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:26:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say Lemony Snicket covering collection of the Grimm brothers fairy tales.
jaaaase ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:57:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim curry does the audiobooks and i can just imagine his voice saying this. Top effort.
juliandaly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:13:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funnily enough, Romeo and Juliet was essentially a cover by Shakespeare of Pyramus and Thisbe and some others
nuclearslurpee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:05:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm already sold and I haven't even read the rest yet.
EDIT:
I laughed much harder at this than I should have
Dodger944 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:36:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet is a comedy though. It's literally a play making fun of how seriously teenagers take themselves.
Hattless ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's basically how the play starts anyway. Very solid concept.
Msmadmama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was spot on. Btw that is a gorgeous ascot.
examinedliving ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you ever listen to the Series Of Unfortunate Events audiobook, they are all done by Tim Curry, and he is just as funny as you would expect him to be.
Nerdwiththehat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:55:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paging /u/DanielHandler, we've got an epic proposal for you
mydarlingbutwhy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that was great, thanks!
The_Jub_Jub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really like your ascot
chet_ubetchaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best answer.
Hawkmoona_Matata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have a very wonderful ascot.
ExquisitExamplE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's really a very fetching ascot.
adanies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is almost as fantastic as your ascot.
kaenneth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice Ascot.
25_timesthefine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am down for this!!!
RoRoChabra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this a cover of a cover
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My God. This is the book/play I never knew I wanted until now.
Querce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where can I buy this book?
atomicsoar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok yeah I definitely need this in my life someone please write this
haveanairforceday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's got to be the best ascot I've seen all day
Crimson_Shiroe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do love the way Lemony Snicket writes
IHaveTheMustacheNow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please write this. I need it in my life.
makadamianut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just about to comment this exact combo
___LOOPDAED___ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read that in the Tick's voice.
UsuallyInappropriate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LionKingHoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Waiting for the book.
RedMikeYawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice ascot bitch .
RedsChronicles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fantastic!
strumpeteye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just makes me want to read Lemony Snicket, which for some reason I never have. Sold! PS Nice ascot.
ThirstyChello ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really want to compliment your ascot but I'all need a pic first.
flicky1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best one and needs to actually get made.
Aoshie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice ascot
Fearnall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read this in Patrick Warburton's voice
KingPellinore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am doing R&J for a Shakespeare festival in 4 weeks. In addition to playing the Friar, I am delivering the prologue.
I am sorely tempted to deliver this instead.
le0p0ld ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fact, Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is pretty much a cover in this sense, as are all of his other plays. The plot comes mainly from Brooke's The Tragical History of Romeus and Juliet, which itself is a translation of an Italian tale etc etc. This was pretty common at the time since the Renaissance era was less obsessed with what we call "originality" today, but more with the adaptation and perfection of something that already exists in some form (this is ofc a huge generalization).
MCpothead567 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey man, Nice tie.
jj400 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:33:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R
Rixor14 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:43:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um excuse me, Romeo and Juliet is a play, not a novel. Get your facts straight. /s.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:58:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Midsummer's Night Dream*
Filthy casual
carterneistat ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not a Novel..
laeiryn ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:54:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except R&J is actually a comedy. A satire, but a comedy.
DantesInfernape ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 04:35:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot a tedious 3 page explanation of what a Masquerade Ball is.
BearEater ยท 13535 points ยท Posted at 01:27:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Howard Phillips Lovecraft Presents the Queer Case of one Harold Potter
The book is 220 pages long and ends with Harry seeing Voldemort on the back of that guy's head, taking a gun from Hagrid, and blowing his own brains out.
Wezbob ยท 3812 points ยท Posted at 03:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As the twelfth toll of the dilapidated clock on the wall outside his cell marked the first hour of his eleventh year, young Harold Potter sat upright in his nightclothes. Eyes wide and soaked through with sweat he tried to burn the gibbering pnakotic half-things that haunted his dreams of late away by lighting the only candle his captors allowed. His labored breathing slowed as the flickering light danced on the wall of the space beneath the stairs at 4 privet drive.
The solace of the dancing shadows would prove to be fleeting however, as it was only mere hours before the winged harbinger of magicks beyond description arrived, screeching and flapping, and marking the end of youthful innocence and the dark shapes and mutterings of a child's ignorant nightmares.
After this day, the visions that haunted Potter's sleep would coalesce into a singular, tangible horror that ubeknownst to him, had on one occasion already almost taken his life...
ChubsBelvedere ยท 403 points ยท Posted at 04:17:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10/10 would read
Rexel-Dervent ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:34:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds a bit like The Subtle Knife.
weggooiaccount123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:03:42 on June 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try the Dresden Files. Its like Harry Potter with a gun.
Go_Fonseca ยท 92 points ยท Posted at 05:10:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a non-native speaker of the English language who's reading Lovecraft for the first time, in English, I must say that this here reads exactly like his work. I must confess that many times my brain hurts when I'm reading his tales because of how he uses some words and phrasings that are not very used nowadays.
saintofhate ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 07:06:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a native English speaker and his stuff makes my head hurt too. Pretty sure there's some dark magics involved
Magnesus ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 07:42:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't read it aloud or you may summon something by accident.
dewiniaid ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:07:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As long as you're not reading about The King In Yellow, you should be fine?
derpoftheirish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:39:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope this doesn't summon something inside me...
Eric-J ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:17:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft's grammar is akin to his geometry.
fenian1798 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 12:49:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...non-Euclidean?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ha
ken_in_nm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:49:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cyclopian
GlumFundungo ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cyclopean grammar sounds horrifying.
Fr33_Lax ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:51:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's rather delightful once you get past the ringing in your ears.
kingeryck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:51:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think it's that bad. Poe has a similar style but when I read it I often have no fucking idea what he's saying and just keep reading going "uh huh..".
ShoutsWillEcho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:33:24 on August 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It does me 'ead in!
dotsncommas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:34:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That made me chuckle. Have an upvote, though I wish I could give you two.
Yosarian2 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 10:26:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He actually just flat made up about half of those words.
spoonerwilkins ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:17:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm reasonably sure his word usage wasn't that common back then either.
DennethMayhem ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:32:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a native speaker of English, I feel exactly the same as you do.
Striker654 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try A Clockwork Orange
SERFBEATER ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is an excellent writer but it is an outdated style which has been mocked a lot as purple prose. That means something which is overly extravagant to the point where it almost starts to not make any sense anymore.
_Cognitio_ ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:54:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget to describe Hagrid as "cyclopean", and Voldemort as "eldritch",
Curlysnail ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:42:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hagrid is a haphazard arrangement of stones?
_Cognitio_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 18:14:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, no. In this case it was supposed to mean "like a cyclops", i.e. freakin' 'uge.
ObviovsObliviovs ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 04:36:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Must write more. More.
Wezbob ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 04:49:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The slippery muse takes me every so often with the right inspiration. Last time it was that silly 'octopus stuffed in a turkey' photo that circulates every halloween/thanksgiving.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Cthulhu/comments/54a8ge/inspired_by_a_silly_cthurken_photo_at_4am_the/
(it seems waking up in a cold sweat is a theme..)
I think potter would get exponentially harder as it went on, having to work in the ensemble of characters would be difficult, as conversation and character development were never strong points in Lovecraft. The main character rarely has an arc and usually goes insane or is torn asunder in less than 50 pages.
Articunozard ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 07:18:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think if you did the whole series in the form of letters, like how that one about the farmer was written, you could convey a lot of the story in a dreadful manner without having to do much characcter development.
HeywardH ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:32:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or simply skip ahead often.
IllIIIlIlIlIIllIlI ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:27:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know how you feel! For me, whenever I attempt to sit down and write something with a coherent storyline or plot that I needed to be aware of well in advance, I can't write a single word. However, if I am just winging it and don't care if anything makes sense or if it meshes within some larger plot. Everything clicks into place and I can put down some almost enjoyable prose. I imagine this is what happened to George RR Martin.
Placing some constraints on what you write may promote creativity. But having a rulebook kills it dead.
faoltiama ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:57:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My problem is I can world build like a champ but I have no plot, nor am I interested in plots. I want to write character development heavy stuff where next to nothing actually happens like Austen, lol.
But I'm not a writer so it's a moot point.
CountAwesome ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spoiler alert, brah
Yosarian2 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 10:30:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Those who study alchemy and the ragged edge where science brushes against the otherworldly energies must be cold and emotionless; Professor Severus Snape was neither but burned with a secret passion beneath his cold exterior, which damned him and drove him to madness..."
Cock_Spectre ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 04:23:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would read, seems comfy as fuck.
Crepo ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:25:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very, very well done.
Esmesqualor ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:40:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Beyond description" perfect
TheJesseClark ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:23:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect. I tried so damn hard to get through 'The Call Of Cthulhu' the other week. I tried. I wanted to love it. But it was such a freaking workout for my brain - I had to stop and analyze every single sentence and after like, twenty five pages I was just exhausted and I didn't even remember what I'd read on the last ten.
trofski ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:17:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Audiobook narrated by Wayne June (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77xxGopjMbY). That would awesome.
joydivision1234 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough completely out of context references to dread necromicons by mad arabs.
FoleyX90 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:52:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
please...more...
DeathGodBob ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:32:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just want to point out "ubeknownst" 'cause I am that guy.
Wezbob ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 06:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it after the edit timeout and tortured myself for a minute about which was worse, the edit asterisk or your inevitable arrival. I figured a word that wasn't real summoning an unspeakable horror was appropriate, steeled myself for your prophesied coming, and waited, dreaming.
DeathGodBob ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:03:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a beautifully subtle slight as well as a well-tailored response, sir or madam.
scottmale24 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Throw in a little more racist undertones, and a few dry descriptions of things to pad it out for the magazines, and you'll be fukkin' golden.
ReinhardVLohengram ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:51:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
more.... give us mooorrrreeeeeee
Winter_of_Discontent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:50:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except he wasn't at Privet Drive for his birthday. He was in a small shack on a rock in the sea, on the ground.
Fantastic writing, though.
polaralex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so unbelievably fun!
Curlysnail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
0/10 no cyclopean.
SkipsH ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...but at least he didn't live with the foreign family down the street.
04pags ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:28:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit is this similar to something I could find in a Lovecraft work? Because I'm definitely interested
Wezbob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:48:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say it's the lovecraft equivalent of one of those theme songs that is meant to sound like another movie. Succinct and identifiable, derivative but not wholly accurate.
Lovecraft rambles often, hence my run on sentences, and he does love not describing his horrors directly, but rather with muttering, slithering, cyclopean adjectives that leave a lot to the imagination. He's also rather racist, as his time.
The nice thing is, a lot of his works were magazine pieces and are thus short, so, see for yourself, they're easy to find online.
WretchedMonkey ยท 2607 points ยท Posted at 02:28:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Potteru fthagn
TheUglyBarnacle42 ยท 1135 points ยท Posted at 02:59:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you having a stroke or is that some type of Lovecraft spelling?
theconfuserx2 ยท 1656 points ยท Posted at 03:01:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Translation:
"Yer a wizard 'arry"
SonOfArnt ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 03:45:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Listen here you fat bastard! I'm just Harry!
im_so_not_creative ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 05:09:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You're going to go to hogwarts and you're going to do spells and shit and you're going to be fucking pleased about it"
VigorouslySalted ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 05:32:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I'll pump ye silly!"
probablyhrenrai ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:06:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C'mon then, ya little speccy cunt; square go like!"
GMY0da ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:14:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"jesus fuck you little brat, calm your tits or I'll make you a pig"
heybingbong ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:42:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wingardium lw'nanafh'bthnk
JohnnyUtah43 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:29:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer a gizzard Larry
AjinAssassin ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:01:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer a lizard Gary
subliminalthoughts31 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:09:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer a blizzard, mary
_-__-___-____ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer misery, scary
subliminalthoughts31 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:09:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer a hazzard, barry
DynamicAilurus ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:16:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer an 'arry wizard.
Internet_Adventurer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:18:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wizard 'arry a Yer
PathToEternity ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:30:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Potteru fthagn
GMY0da ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you having a stroke or is that some type of Lovecraft spelling?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:54:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Translation:
"Yer a wizard 'arry"
Cthulhuhoop ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:19:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Yer a wizard Wilbur... but ye bruthers a giant, invisible mass of 'alf 'uman flesh!"
archaicScrivener ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"And also yer part lizard, sorry bout that"
waltjrimmer ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:25:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is neither and it isn't a summoning spell, either. Cthulhu's worshipers in The Call of Cthulhu story chant "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" ("In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.")
It's not a summoning spell so much as it's a statement of fact. Like a Catholic saying, "Jesus loves you," or something like that.
elfam ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:38:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for writing this all out. No one else had it right, and for other people reading this, the language is just human approximations of inconceivable noises.
Jon76 ยท 262 points ยท Posted at 03:01:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's his version of the C'thulu summoning spell.
offtheclip ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:12:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy cults
Nyarthlotep ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:19:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cthulhu*
I think people only added the comma because of world of Warcrafts C'thun
Token_Why_Boy ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:25:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...No. There's, like, a bajillion ways to spell the Big C's name.
Nyarthlotep ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:34:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting! I wasn't aware of all the alternative names.
DreadNephromancer ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:58:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's so many alternatives because they're all just approximations. We can't pronounce the real thing.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
evlbb2 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:38:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if he did, they aren't in any state to tell us about it. If he wrote it down, it's probably locked in a box somewhere and never to be opened again. Just in case, don't go poking around any boxes you find around the south pacific eh?
nuttynutkick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found the Canadian.
evlbb2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually asian american. So... Right continent at least?
eh can be used as kind of an emphasis. Sorta like a nudge nudge kinda thing.
SharkFart86 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:58:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah Metallica intentionally chose the alternate spelling of Ktulu for their song Call Of Ktulu as it wouldn't be ripping off the title of the book, but also not be technically wrong.
TheUglyBarnacle42 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:01:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks
KingPellinore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:53:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a spell. Nothing we humans do could hope to have any effect on the behavior of Cthulhu.
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn." ("In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.") is just a prayer or chant, used by the Cthulhu Cultists to give recognition that Cthulhu is somewhere on Earth, waiting to awaken when the stars are right.
Skepsis93 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:42:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What, you don't Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?
metans ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:06:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has anyone really Ph'nglui mglw'nafh even as decided to Cthulhu even go want to wgah'nagl fhtagn more like?
Broviet ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:50:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pants have been THOROUGHLY shit.
notgreat ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:05:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"fthagn" means "sleeps" or "waits". Potteru is a bastardization of Potter. Thus, "Potter Sleeps". And should he awaken... the world shall never be the same.
galironxero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should help.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cthulhu%20fhtagn
Andrenator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cthulu fhtagn is a chant in the eldritch language, basically means "Cthulu waits" i.e. "Cthulu's gonna come back sometime, maybe soon"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both. The madness is setting in.
LeSquidliestOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes.
KreekyBonez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's Danish
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaeie ftangh is the beginning of a spell to get the attention of the old gods in Lovecraftian novels.
seanthestone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thing.
renveia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Valid question.
WretchedMonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read some HP Lovecraft, Cthulu mythos especially
AngrySmapdi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When Lovecraft is involved, there's a chance it's both.
Cthulhuhoop ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winguardiam Leviosothoth
Takkenman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:11:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pronounced Potteru fTHAgn.
ice_wyvern ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:48:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ph'nglui mglw'nafhย Potteruย R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
WretchedMonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:45:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thats my bag. Ty
Saul_Firehand ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:53:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no you've summoned the great wizard one!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:11:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yer an eldritch 'orror from beyond the stars, 'Arry!
rillip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, I get the Lovecraft reference here and obviously I get the Harry Potter reference, but why you gotta make fun of how Japanese people talk?
marmosetohmarmoset ยท 1480 points ยท Posted at 03:09:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also hating on mudbloods would be a lot more accepted by the main characters...
Merlord ยท 950 points ยท Posted at 03:27:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Filche's cat is named Muggleman.
pizzabagSSC ยท 421 points ยท Posted at 03:43:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty damn obscure, but The Rats in the Walls is my favorite of his stories. I applaud you.
[deleted] ยท 153 points ยท Posted at 04:27:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft himself also actually had a cat named Niggerman.
SevenSirensSinging ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 08:40:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given the region in which I live, I keep expecting someone to respond to that Lovecraft fact with, "my uncle such and such did too! Ain't that funny?"
khalfrodo34 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 17:49:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God, the man was racist. Hell of a writer, but still.
kingeryck ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:53:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to remember this was also 100 years ago.
Deathmage777 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 12:03:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, really. Even by standards of the time he was horrifically racist, like he viewed the apocalypes as an invasion by the 'yellows' (asians), or that it was so horrifying to cause suicide that the white man came from a black man mating with a white gorilla.
kingeryck ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:23:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow.
Deathmage777 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He was creative, I'll give him that. And this is just from the few short stories I've read - I imagine there are a great deal more examples
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:29:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that story was about one family line?
Deathmage777 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:58:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It might of been, I'm not sure. Either way fairly bad
Digital_Fire ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 04:34:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rats in the Walls is the first Lovecraft story I ever read, I had no clue what it was about, and I also happen to have had an unreasonable fear of cannibalism. So that was a nice coincidence.
pizzabagSSC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:27:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was my first story too. It's a really great intro to all of his major themes (including racism).
Rexel-Dervent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. It seems to be the one story that moves into M. R. James territory, super spooky.
RoryButler ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:26:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say quite obscure! It seems to be in a few compilations. Definitely one of my favourite Lovecraft stories though, genuinely gave me the spooks.
kithkatul ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 12:15:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drewcifer12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:54:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my favorites, too! If you're a gamer do yourself a favor and play Darkest Dungeon. Very Lovecraft inspired, particularly Th Rats in the Walls.
pizzabagSSC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:29:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Way ahead of you! Took 80 or 90 hours because I wasn't being as careful as I could have been, but I got all the way through. I'll probably go for a second run after the DLC comes out.
MadDannyBear ยท 155 points ยท Posted at 03:50:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clever. For those who don't know, a character in one of lovecraft's stories had a cat named "niggerman" H.P. Lovecraft was a white supremacist. Though he later married a Jew.
Merlord ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 03:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Niggerman in that story was actually named after his own cat.
MadDannyBear ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 04:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, that's even worse.
Merlord ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 04:03:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, he wrote great stories but boy was he racist. In Herbert West: Reanimator, he describes the cadaver of a black man as having "arms so long I dare call them forelegs"
[deleted] ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 04:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
sweetalkersweetalker ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 04:47:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's probably the best summation of the man's life and work, that's ever been said.
RentsBoy ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:17:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind isย fear, and the oldest and strongest kind offearย isย fear of the unknown." -H.P. Lovecraft
RoryButler ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Being a bit lenient with the term racism really. My dad's a horrible racist but he wouldn't approve of the KKK or Nazis, he's also majorly xenophobic but it's cos he doesn't like other races. It's racism.
I enjoy the hell out of Lovecraft's stuff and I can excuse that the time was obviously a more racist time, but he was definitely a racist. He made it clear that he saw other races as being different, and calling his own cat a racial slur could easily be perceived as him thinking a black person is on the same social standing as an animal.
For sure he wasn't aggressively racist or particularly hateful with it, but the prejudices were definitely there.
PrincessMagnificent ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:53:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft also believed in scientific racism.
Which could be excusable in 1902, when he read a bunch of scientific literature on the subject that claimed there was objective evidence for the superiority of the white race and the inferiority of others. The problem was, Lovecraft was still 1902-style racist in 1930.
Also, while it's true that Lovecraft hated the KKK and the Nazis (but more because they were populist rabble-rousers than because of their attitude towards minorities) he actually wrote a poem about how the Union's foolish liberation of the black slaves had doomed the black race to extinction. He even said it was against God's Will, which was hilarious given that Lovecraft never believed in any god other than Zeus.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
PrincessMagnificent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course racism was still popular in 1930.
But 1930's racism and 1900 racism are two different beasts.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
PrincessMagnificent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By 1930, racism was popular, but it wasn't widely accepted by the scientific community anymore. Eugenics wasn't considered the cutting edge anymore.
You will doubtless bring up Nazi Germany at this point, to which I will reply that it should not surprise you that the Nazis were working off discredited theories.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
Merlord ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:02:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the one hand yes, you have to consider the world he grew up in. There really weren't many white people in 1890 who wouldn't be called racists by modern standards. But at the same time, you're risking making excuses for racism, which is not cool. I prefer to just steer clear of any moral judgement of the guy and enjoy his works for what they are.
flashcre8or ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:08:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say acknowledging context is the same as making excuses, although I do see your point. Honestly, OP's comment is so well written I think it would be hard to take it as an excuse for Lovecraft's racism. It's moreso an explanation of his biases.
marsrants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well TIL about Lovecraft's biases.
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:23:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any racism that's incarnated in actions is unforgiveable racism
The_Antlion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:25:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What actions?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 22:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vocalization??
JayGold ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:57:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He also wrote a poem where he describes black people as the result of God's decision to make a cross between a human and an animal.
reconditecache ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:33:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Racism was so weird back then. Completely unashamed and uncontroversial. Much less angry and not even strongest among the poor and uneducated whites but a wholesome thing men and women of all ages were comfortable expressing in public.
flashcre8or ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:16:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's kind of baffling. The world we live in is pretty damn racist, but it's still way better than it was 100 (or even 50) years ago
b_fellow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, Rudyard Kipling wrote White Man's Burden which was pushing the virtues of Western colonizing.
meteltron2000 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:35:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was more of a rebuke against colonialist powers for reaping the benefits of colonialism without doing anything real to help the native population in exchange, particularly aimed at the United States in the Philippines at the time. It was a reminder that as heirs to a legacy of knowledge and power that gave them in insurmountable advantage over the natives of many non-Western countries, if white people were going to galavant about the world pursuing wealth they had a duty to bring the spark of enlightenment with them, hence the title "White Mans Burden". It's basically an old-timey, fair-for-its-day-but-still-racist version of "With great power comes great responsibility."
Cereborn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. The sentiments are still inherently racist, but it was forward-thinking for the time.
galactic_punt ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:25:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He supposedly recanted his racism later in life, but... heah, sefinitely not a good look.
kethian ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:08:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the Horror at Red Hook could be the first book on the Trump presidential library.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:43:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
werenick99 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His parents' cat I think
BonyIver ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:15:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft was almost comically racist, even for the time he was living in. His prose is fantastic and he's one of my favorite authors, but it's insane how afraid of brown people and even "decadent" white people he was.
Prince-of-Ravens ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:24:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its notable that even for his time, Lovecrafts racism was considered extreme and odd by his fellows.
Kzickas ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:17:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More of an english supremecist really. Supposedly The Shadow over Innsmouth (where the main character discovers that his family has secretly interbred with monsterous fishmen and he is slowly turning into a monster) was inspired by finding out that his grandfather was welsh.
There's also a story where a dutch family from before New York was conquered by England turn into cannibalistic cave dwellers due to being cut off from the cultural influence of England.
Hiro-of-Shadows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awful that he thought that way about other kinds of people, yet absolutely hilarious.
HarrumphingDuck ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:06:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that made me raise an eyebrow a bit, but the story with the reanimated black guy (because electricity and chemicals work differently if you or your recent ancestors were from Africa) seemed... a bit worse. I can't recall the name of the story, though.
Still, Lovecraft is damn good at moving a tone from unease, to dread, to horror.
DeceitfulEcho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And of course the name is exactly as racist as you'd think. The cat is black I'm the story, hence the name.
discountedeggs ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:56:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"On the origin of Muggles"
TridCloudwalker ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:54:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well played, sir.
Rowan5215 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:06:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
niche af, love it
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True story - when we take pictures of our jewelry we use sheet music, books, maps, and pretty paper as alternative backgrounds to the plain white. My business partner had just been gifted a leather-bound, gold edged collection of Lovecraft.
She opened it to a random page and took pictures of a winged steampunk pendant. While editing the photos, she realized the cat's name was prominently in the background...
We retook those pictures...
Moondarker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:09:24 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God yes
daedalusesq ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:36:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would definitely be a cat named "Mudblood-Man."
:edit for the unaware:
IAmAcreepycatlady ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woman* Mrs. Norris.
TeddysBigStick ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That man sure did not like race mixing.
livevil999 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:16:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry would dislike mudbloods and Voldemort would turn out to be one, which explains his evilness.
ThatDudeShadowK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:07:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't Voldermort already a mudblood?
KadabraGuy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:09:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's half-blood. Wizard mother, Muggle father. Mudblood is two Muggle parents.
ThatDudeShadowK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I thought mudblood was any mixed wizard. I'm a bad Harry Potter fan
KadabraGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I think you are a perfectly adequate Harry Potter fan <3
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:27:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:55:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel the same way about Roald "even a stinker like Hitler didn't just pick on them for no reason" Dahl and L. Frank "the best safety of the frontier settlements will be secured by the total annihilation of the few remaining Indians" Baum.
reconditecache ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:45:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I, being a white dude, have the luxury of not having the casual racism directed at me personally, but in a few of his stories the comments he makes about certain black people is so incredibly offensive I have laughed out loud at the story and I have to say it took me out of it a bit.
Yet I still prefer his work to Robert Heinlein and his depictions of women. At least Lovecraft was a different breed of racist who found black people to be fascinating, terrifying and almost mystical set pieces rather than really boring caricatures that the whole plot revolves around. Sure, they were subhuman to him, but Lovecraft's views were so impossible and over-the-top deplorable that it kinda added to the spookiness.
Andrenator ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:48:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I could, I noticed a lot of "ooga booga brown people voodoo" theme, I brought it up to a well-read friend and he told me "oh yeah, HP was racist as fuck"
Like I love the setting that HP set up, and I got into it because of Darkest Dungeon, but the racism/subtle misogyny really pulls me out of it.
ThatOneHandedGuy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:16:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's exactly what made lovecraft such a horrid person that may have been a boon to his horror. He was a terrified, timid man. Scared of everything around him, racist, misogynist, antisemitic, there was nothing out there, it seems that didn't at least make him uncomfortable. And as such, I think he really could grasp this sense of deep unrest, of things being so skin crawlingly uneasy that it causes you to go mad - obviously his discrimination was less severe than this. There are certainly better ways to get in touch with this kind of fear that don't make you a horrid racist, but I think his writings are really how he felt about the world and universe
Cyrusdexter ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:52:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair it was 100 years ago, and he was also racist against a wide variety of white people too.
Vilvos ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:58:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Lovecraft was still too racist and antisemitic for people back then.
Cyrusdexter ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:08:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah, interesting. I was more responding to the mention of a "'brown people voodoo' theme" being the specific problem, when he was really racist against pretty much everyone who isn't an upperclass englishman.
Andrenator ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:25:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, when I first started listening to readings of his stories I felt like I needed to be wearing khaki shorts and a safari hat
livevil999 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's called classism. It isn't based on race so it isn't racism.
Seems HP was a well rounded hater.
-VismundCygnus- ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it's not. He was pretty definitively racist. He would hate an upper class Negro and he'd be fine with a lower class Aryan.
STORMPUNCH ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:31:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read A Shadow Over Innsmouth or The Dunwich Horror? He definitely didn't have a good outlook on the poor rural and fishing communities of New England, often describing them as a disgusting culture of "decadence and inbreeding," I believe were the terms.
livevil999 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not saying he wasn't racist. I'm replying to someone who said he was racist against people who weren't an upperclass Englishman. I'm talking about that statement.
LetItGoGurl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea I first heard about his views after reading an article about a young black girl who won some art/literature award and the statue was of Lovecraft's bust or something and she had recently found out about HPs racism in his stories. I wonder if they ever changed the reward statue.
BonyIver ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm also mixed and kind of just learned to take the racism for what it is and move past it. Lovecraft was more racist than the average person at the time and his fear of foreigners and minorities pervades a huge amount of his work. But that being said his bigotry isn't usually the central focus of his stories and if you can learn get past it most of his stories are pretty great
livevil999 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But why would you? There is no shortage of great books and other media to get into (even tons of eldritch horror if that's your poison) and really time is so limited that there's no way you can read it all so why use up your limited time on someone who's views you find reprehensible?
BonyIver ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:58:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because imo there's nothing that measures up to it. Plenty of eldritch horror has been written since Lovecraft, but he's still the OG and in my experience no one has been able to do cosmic horror and despite his views he's probably my favorite author. It's a bummer but sometimes very shitty people are very talented, and if you can't get past that you miss on some amazing art
pastelogram ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit
c0ldsh0w3r ยท 816 points ยท Posted at 03:09:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, if HP wrote it, then it would be 300 pages of some anonymous third party vaguely retelling something "really really awful..."
pastelogram ยท 904 points ยท Posted at 03:28:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Queer Case Of The Notes Pertaining To The Investigation Of The Case Of The Diary Of One Harold Potter
Andrenator ยท 469 points ยท Posted at 03:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As Told By Vernon Dursley
solips_sonder ยท 180 points ยท Posted at 04:25:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Let me tell you a story about a terrible nephew of mine who lived under the staircase as he deserved, until he threatened to kill me over it. So this hellish nephew of mine, who ended up killing himself, as he should've, after pissing off the unspeakable horror that killed his parents.
It all started 17 ruddy years ago during my perfect son's 12th or something birthday, we had gotten him a generous amount of presents and of course that venom blooded scurge from my sister in law's loins was jealous because he never got presents, obviously. Being the nice guardians to this ingrate that we were, we offered to take him to the zoo, and what does he do, he talks to a snake and orders it to try and kill our wonderful, cherub of a son.
Turns out, this putrid spawn of Satan was a magic casting wizard, like the harlot that was his mother. I'll tell you what though, when his invitation to a school for whores and degenerates came in the mail, we of course destroyed it. However after days of destroying new letters day after day, one of those days those terrorist filths from the axis of magic decided to bombard my wonderful house with these abominable letters.
So of course we did the one thing that every good parent does and moved to a light house in the middle of goodness knows where - which given how barren of life it was, we were probably in Scotland. Then, on a night housing an ominous full moon, a lightning storm swept the lands, the front door exploded into splinters and who, nay, what stood there was a giant indescribable monstrosity who brutalised my son, who never did one thing wrong in his whole life, and set the poor child on fire. It then spoke intelligible gibberish to my wife and I, which clearly made her distressed - almost zombie-like honestly.
That nephew of mine, the evil incarnate that he was, of course frolicked yonder with that fowl beast, happy as I'd ever seen him, off to learn those devilish incarnations. My beautiful wife, astray from reality, grabbed a charred bone once belonging to our spectacular, determined, genius son, and thrusted it into her jugular, I watched her bleed to death - she made no noise, not even a whimper or a goodbye.
I knew he would return, he would pretend to be my nephew, and I his uncle and I would play that part, get close to him, and one day, I will do unto him as he did unto me. I would end that Harold Potter, even if I went mad."
KingOfTheGutters ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:20:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing and I would read the whole book. Write it
solips_sonder ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:30:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd have to buy a thesaurus if I did that.
KingOfTheGutters ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ordered and sent. It'll be there Wednesday
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:13:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nicely done - great details on the death scene!
Loborin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:51:28 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please write more.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God I still fucking love lovecraft
NanotechNinja ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:19:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
's estranged cousin by marriage.
MetalRetsam ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:20:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*Lestrange, cousin by marriage
630-592-8928 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit
Brasscogs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:45:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Researchers notes on Privett Drive; a dark aftermath.
CapnJay ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:21:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With the last sentence being a twist written in italics.
evilweirdo ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:30:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You fool! Tom Marvolo Riddle is Voldemort!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I can't believe I still remember this story.
archaicScrivener ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that in General Grievous' voice. I've been watching too many memes.
a-ham61593 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah man, spoilers! /s
ADequalsBITCH ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:13:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The gibbous moon rose over the eldritch cottage surrounded on either side by the roaring charnel seas. The foetid stench of the lumbering giant lingered in the air as he pressed his dank feet onward, as if moved by a daemoniac force beyond comprehension, marching toward the defenseless boy.
"Y'er a wizard, Harry!"
The effulgence of the dawning realization struck the boy's mind as one of maddening, inconceivable implication that he too was as abnormal as the antediluvian creature standing before him.
zeekaran ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:58:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
300 pages? Longest thing I think he ever wrote was At the Mountains of Madness and it was about 70 pages.
GreatestOfAllTime96 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:16:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's okay, they don't actually read lovecraft they just heard that once from someone and like to repeat it to feel included
zeekaran ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:56:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shame. Lovecraft is public domain and readily available online. Often you can read one of his stories in twenty minutes.
F0sh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:02:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
99p on Kindle for a huge collection.
c0ldsh0w3r ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 05:13:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did read it. It was awful. Sorry I'm not in on the circle jerk.
DG_Alphonse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:05:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally, I think the writing style can be extremely difficult to read through. I love the ideas, and I think they carry his writing if you can get through the sale.
we_are_devo ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:05:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I'm a bit confused about where all these references to length are coming from - Lovecraft stories are shorter than the Potter books, not longer.
Citonpyh ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well most Harry Potter books are longer than 300 pages, and the serie definitely is, so i think you understood the wrong way
we_are_devo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:24:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The post was
So I don't think so. The point of the thread it's in the writer's own style, and 300 words obviously would not be in HP's, despite what the poster said.
I think it's more just people who haven't read Lovecraft giving their mistaken impression of what a Lovecraft story would be.
mahatma666 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:59:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An exchange student who's taking a semester teaching abroad at Hogwarts. An American graduate student from Miskatonic University in Arkham, Massachusetts.
ENKC ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:10:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His longest work was only around 50,000 words, so it wouldn't be 300 pages.
MaximusGod0fWar ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:26:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I tried getting into Lovecraft once, but the amount of times he describes things as "indescribable" really turned me off.
Like, man, you're the author! It's your job to describe things to me, otherwise I have not idea what I'm supposed to be picturing. It doesn't convey horror, it just feels like a lazy cop out.
hairy1ime ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 03:33:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not supposed to picture anything. The point of the vast cosmic horrors of Lovecraft are that they're beyond human comprehension and description. In other places he's very specific about what certain creatures, locales look like.
ThirdFloorNorth ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:35:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. When he says indescribable, he is describing things to you to the best of his ability within the confines of the work.
He means, literally, completely alien to the point of having no reference points within our limited language to even attempt to describe.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That phrase you wrote is usually how things are described. Very few things are written as "indescribable". He goes to great lengths to point out how alien these things are.
opivyroolz ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:56:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thoughts exactly. He goes into great detail in The Shadow Over Innsmouth (with a lot of it in slurred old sailor talk no less), but his descriptions of things as "indescribable" can almost paint as bright a picture.
Jermermerm ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:36:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People say this, but then also complain when they show the monster in a horror movie. You can't have it both ways.
rocketparrotlet ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:53:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I understand where you are coming from, Lovecraft is one of the most vividly descriptive authors I have ever read. He paints some pretty lurid, strange scenes with his stories, and I feel like he had the right to use the word "indescribable" because of how descriptive he could be.
Baba_dook_dook_dook ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:40:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His work is all about the indescribable. Horrors beyond our comprehension. Things so awful that our own imagination could never come close to what the writer is actually seeing.
It may sound like a lazy cop out, and perhaps it is. But many feel that it makes the horror much more terrifying.
brickmack ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:52:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some things are indescribable though, by definition.
Some of my favorite Wikipedia articles are the ones on really gigantic numbers that describe them as unfathomably large, and then have a note at the bottom rigorously justifying that fact
cdale600 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:05:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Citation?
brickmack ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:25:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham%27s_number#cite_note-3
cdale600 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant!
T3C_Illuzion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would say they are very detailed, if it isn't described explicitly it's supposed to be outside of human comprehension basically. That was my take anyway.
Ent_Doran ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly most of Lovecraft's works were only in the 10-50 page lengths. They were mostly serials for magazines. He had a few much more recognizable stories that were in the 150-300 page ranges, At the mountains of Madness comes to mind. And most of the dialog in his stories was descriptors. That's part of what makes Lovecraft one of my favorite authors, but also what makes it so hard to read sometimes because it can seem so dry.
JackalKing ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:24:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
220 pages is way too long for anything from Lovecraft. At The Mountains of Madness is probably his longest story and I don't believe that is even 100 pages.
straechav ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he'd been slowly working towards making longer stories on average as time passed. Even though if we consider his financial situation, I doubt he'd have survived much longer or been able to write longer stories even if he hadn't gotten cancer.
themoonrulz ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:05:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft stories often end with the protagonist going insane. Not a lot of resolution.
bmhswrestler ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:24:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that the point he's trying to relay? Life having a satisying resolution is not something you should readily expect in the eyes of Lovecraft. And in the frame of Harry Potter and it's narrative, that would be interesting indeed.
heyomayo- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or blowing their brains out. Or like burning a fucking wizard alive or something.
AndrewGene ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 02:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, spoilers.
MadMarbleHead ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:09:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, 90 years.
PM_ME_2DISAGREEWITHU ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:56:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or better yet, Tom Clancy's Hogwarts Down
They book is 700 pages long and he spends an irresponsible amount of time explaining the harsh summer weather. The book ends with Voldemort being shot in the head and Ron dying of combat wounds. No one learns anything and the clandestine military wizards go on to fight another bad guy two hours later.
TwelfthCycle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:18:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read any of his earlier stuff? Before he just handed everything off to ghost writers?
I mean he takes forever to get to the point, but the end of Sum of All Fears is absurdly tense. And I maintain that Red Storm Rising is one of the best military fiction books out there.
PM_ME_2DISAGREEWITHU ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:32:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't. I picked up one book land was thoroughly bored. Which seemed odd, given that the movies based on good books were universally great.
I forget which it was, but the book spends some time describing the horrible Australian summer in July.
I set it down and never touched it again after that.
TwelfthCycle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:26:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are three books that blow me away, Hunt for Red October, Patriot Games, and Red Storm. Sum of all fears is boring as fuck for 80% and excellent for the last portion.
After that it all goes sideways. Especially as he hands off more and more to ghost writers who are way to drunk on american ooooh ra.
IAmA_Reddit_ ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:37:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget that all of the death eaters are "degenerate indigenous savages" and that Voldemort is black.
BearEater ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:38:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Hagrid is one of "those brutes that grow so tumescent in the isles," but a good man, I'm told.
Andrenator ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:56:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn I didn't know that other people noticed how racist his writing was lmao
The_Dirty_Carl ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:56:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're lucky, it's the only talking point most redditors have on Lovecraft.
IAmA_Reddit_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:53:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget that he never describes things! Jeez!
Andrenator ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:01:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I'm a basic bitch about Lovecraft
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*80 pages
offByOone ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:24:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Harry blowing out Voldemort's brains or Hagrid's or his own?
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:59:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His own, probably. Being mentally broken is more H.P. Lovecraft territory, while blowing out Voldemort's brains is more Robert E. Howard territory.
Sojio ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His use of magic slowly causes his features to change. He slowly goes mad, the veil that is Hogwarts is slowly lifted. Over the course of the book, Slowly but surely, he loses the fight against his yearning for the dark mountains to the east.
BlankStudios ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:10:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We'd discover the books years after he died in poverty.
joethomma ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:20:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol at the idea of H.P. Lovecraft writing anything that was 220 pages long.
Edit: If anyone's wondering, the longest single piece of fiction Lovecraft ever wrote was The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, clocking in at an unreadable 128 pages.
kethian ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and roughly 1/3 of the words are adjectives
luckygiraffe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:15:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you imagine--can you just fucking imagine--Lovecraft describing the architecture of Hogwarts. It'd be half of the first book.
I_AM_STILL_A_IDIOT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Non-Euclidean geometry, everywhere non-Euclidean geometry.
fuckboyshit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:25:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most lovecraft pieces are less than 10 pages
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:31:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaking of Lovecraft...
Mark Z. Danielewski's Miskatonic Archives Volume 1: The Call of Cthulhu
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit can you imagine if thats how the movie was but the book was normal? That would've been historic levels of what the fuck that teenagers would learn about in American history class.
Kered13 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait whose brains is he Harry blowing out?
JohnnyFiveOhAlive ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So THAT is why there are no black people in Magical Brittan!
WalrusExtraordinaire ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:45:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read Witches Hollow by HP Lovecraft to get a sense of how a family of wizards exists in his world. A family of wizards named Potter, and one of their sons is named Harold. I'm 80% sure it's a coincidence, but cool nonetheless.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:52:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even worse: the Marquis de Sade recounts what happened to the Longbottoms.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HAHA
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this post more than words can say!
LinktheLlama ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actualy I think Harry would join Voldemort cause you know racism. They would go on to fight the beings who created magic and go mad.
LordNelson27 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's formatted as a manuscript his estranged uncle wrote before he mysteriously died
periodicchemistrypun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:42:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd have a couple short stories slowing revealing that we the muggels are an under class to a magic group of wizards who will mess with people's sanity just to drag an prospective wizards to their school.
One wizard, Voldemort, tried taking wizarding into the real world but was killed many times as punishment.
That's all pretty much actual Harry Potter though.
Scarletfapper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:44:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I should not have brought that with me..."
AreYaEatinThough ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:06:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite author and my favorite childhood books. I'd pre order the special edition. Imagine how gnarly The Chamber of Secrets would be.
Skyfox2k ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:29:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. By Lovecraft
ReCrunch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:01:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am pretty sure that harry is not a short form of Harold but of henry.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harold struggled to find pleasant slumber in the musty cyclopean tower that had become his home. He was haunted by visions of the unspeakable horror that he had witnessed, the blasphemous rite that had so cruelly claimed the life of his mother. He could hear the crashing of the waves against his island prison, the ocean stirred into life by the frenzied storm outside.
Suddenly, a booming knock sounded on the sodden oak door, filling Harold with a sense of dread. Vernon rose to his feet and grabbed his rifle with his shivering hands. He opened his mouth to call out to the intruder, but before the words could leave his lips, the door burst from its hinges as though assaulted by an abhorrent magick.
A towering silhouette could be seen in the doorway, its head obscure'd by the door frame due to the sheer size of the beast. It ducked under the door frame and lumbered into the faint light emitted by the candle. Harold gasped and gazed upon the loathsome man - the man that had so often plagued his nightmares. The man held in his misshapen hand an umbrella, too tattered to be of any conventional use but ended with a sinister bloody point that revealed the true nature of the tool.
ChromeCheetah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:25:38 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Feel like fanfiction gets a bad rep but I read a pretty good story combining Lovecraft and Harry Potter if you're interested
BearEater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:07 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure that's a common combo, makes perfect sense. Fantastic Beasts with a hard R, maybe? I barely have enough free time to read published books though, so fanfic isn't really something I'm into or could be.
cylerrubin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The manuscript would be a half finished 16 page fragment dug out of the trash by his editor. Harry would be of a sickly nature and take a holiday from his loathsome step family of mongrel descent (read; anyone lovecraft didn't think was pale and sickly enough to be white) at his long distance penpals dilapidated college/satanic bdsm sacrifice site. Hijinx ensue.
has_a_bigger_dick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, imagine if Harry had used a gun with one hand. Not even Voldemort could act quick enough to block that shit.
Also if Voldemort were real he would be using our nukes against us.
I fucking loved Harry Potter and other fantasy books but when I got to ASOIAF it was amazing to read fantasy that seemed "realistic" and didn't have any plot holes.
If anyone else has any recommendations for more books like this that would be awesome. I'd really like to read a book like HP that has magic in a modern world but thinks this shit out so that after accepting magic is real the events still seem plausible.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:34:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ehh. You don't need to say the spell to cast it. In their sixth year, Snape teaches the trio to cast some spells wordlessly. Any half-way competent wizard who passed his sixth year at Hogwarts should be able to cast simple spells (such as one to reverse the directions a bullet goes in such that it kills the shooter or one to jam a gun) at about the same speed as it takes to pull a trigger.
The Order of the Phoenix has placed people like Kingsley in high positions in the muggle government to ensure shit like this doesn't happen. Also, I don't think Voldemort ever wanted to kill all muggles. He wanted to "purify" magical Britain.
Ra by Sam Hughes. Available online for free on the official site here: https://qntm.org/ra. Even has epubs you can freely download.
has_a_bigger_dick ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just opens up more questions
You still need to flourish your want and think the spell. Takes much more time than pulling a trigger
So are you implying that there were assaults on military facilities that were successfully defended by the OOTP?
This just opens up more questions. Was Voldemort only specific to Britain? When he successfully took over the ministry of magic were there no alliances from other countries to come in and depose him? Why weren't wizards that gave up on fighting moving to other countries where Voldemort had no influence?
There's tons of stuff like this that I could go on and on about, but to be clear I don't fault Rowling for this, even though adults like them they are still books for children/young adults and those definitely don't need to outstanding realism.
Thanks!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:03:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'll need to flourish your gun too. Not to mention aim properly. Wizards can put up area effect spells.
Pretty much. I think that's what the beginning of HBP implied. Or there might not have been attacks at all.
Fully agree with these points. I always thought that they should've arranged for muggleborns to go to France with Fleur's parents' help or something like that.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to mention His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman.
Acherus29A ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:21:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've probably heard of it, but I highly suggest looking up Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality. 2000 page rewrite of the first year, premise is that Harry is raised by petunia and a university professor instead of Veron, and is raised with muggle science knowledge. Wants to use science + magic to take over the universe. Very fun read.
JusWalkAway ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Magicians by Lev Grossman. There's also a TV show that's come out about that series.
CapnJay ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:22:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Belgariad is fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did any of H.P. Lovecraft's characters actually kill themselves? I've mainly read the Dream Cycle and I don't remember any. Death, insanity, or worse as a result of hubris, I've seen, but not intentional suicide. Maybe that one guy in Dagon. Or the dude who rams his ship into Great Chthulu.
Zanai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was Dagon where the main character couldn't afford opiates to suppress his memories and stated that immediately after the recounting he would escape the only other way he could, a bullet to the brain.
BearEater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:20:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, they didn't AFAIK. Several do of course end up dying or clearly dying off-page. The again, Harry is a very special boy.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hi, kids. We hope your enjoyed this Very Special Episode of BloodPooter, where we talked about the dangers of getting in a trash can and having your friends take turns setting your hair on fire. We know that it can be fun to fit in, but sometimes peer pressure can lead to some pretty dangerous stuff.
If you let being cool go to your head, before you know it, you and your friends could be sitting around a circle, using the blood of the innocent to have audience with Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. Just say Nyaaggn! to the ever-present drone of the idiot god Azatoth, as he stirs in his slumber at the center of all infinity. And try a healthy diet of fruits and vegetables to drown out the ceaseless drumming of the Outer Gods as they placate the boundless daemon-sultan, lest he depart his lightless vaults and consume us all.
BearEater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:02:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine this having terrible production values and airing on something like an ISIS channel, where instead of "Jihad Goofy" teaching children about the Caliph and the infidel, a man in a trash bag supposed to be Nyarlathotep leads new child cultists into a bombed out Taco Bell to pledge themselves eternally and forever to Yog Sothoth, which is just a bunch of birthday balloons with spaghetti hanging off it, hovering over a dirty puddle.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:24:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but remember on that episode, how the building was significantly larger on the inside than it should have been? And how none of the children came back out?
I didn't like the constant piping flute music, though. It was a bit droning.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bitch I am halfway through "Charles Dexter Ward" you better not have spoiled anything for me.
StupendousMan1995 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see Hunter S Thompson's take on that that book. An "Impressions on..." short companion piece would be nice.
X-espia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if this is a spoiler or what
zotquix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good read but making Voldemort's followers Persian seemed a conspicuously Islamophobic choice.
slaaitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling at the Mountains of Madness
flyingchipmunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Barry Trotter and the Unauthorized Parody a few years ago... he had an interrobang on his forehead and the rest was very forgettable
atomicsoar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES. PLEASE.
PM_ME_YOUR_CREAMPIEZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One less horcrux. But now Harry looks like Arseface from Preacher
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Harry Potter attends Miskatonic University
JamesonWilde ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am so incredibly disappointed that I will never read this.
Jorow99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came in here looking for h.p. Lovecraft. I'd love to see a Steven king cover of one of his stories.
saxophonefartmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Narrated by Otis Jiry.
thehulk0560 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always wanted a George R. R. Martin Harry Potter. [insert joke about series still being written]
loptthetreacherous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Written as a diary entry by Quirrell in Azkaban.
srs_house ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always felt like Voldemort and the Death Eaters got plot armor thanks to the series being set in the UK where firearms are next to nonexistent. Place that story in the US and somebody just shoots his ass. Good luck casting a spell for a bullet you won't even hear until there's a hole in you.
Tesrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. I keep telling my boss that Voldemort's end game was weak and would have been a lot better had he been a servant of one of the elder gods.
not_shadowbanned_yet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pendred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Phillips Lovecraft and the Unnamable Horrors From Beyond Chapter 1- The Eldritch Letter
The queer events that preceded the young Harry Phillips Lovecraftโs disappearance from his New England home in the town of Arkham are known to few, and understood by far fewer. Indeed, the tales the boy had told upon his return gave credence to both the odd happenstance that had surrounded the boy for all his youth, and, conversely, to the theory that his imagination was at work in some boyish charlatanry. In the realm of certainty, when one lingers too long on a subject, it begins to fade into that much larger, looming realm of uncertainty. It is, therefore, the duty of the reader to discern whether these events are the fanciful imaginings of an adolescent mind, or a peek beyond that veil which science and skepticism have so long tried to draw tight, for fear of their own well-being.
On July 24, 1991, a letter arrived at the Phillips household. The boyโs grandfather and head of the house, Whipple, was away on business, and Harryโs own habits about the house were limited to ticking away on the old typewriter in the study and staring absently from the window in the upstairs sitting room at the sprawling city of Arkham beyond. As such, he was not nearby when a tawny owl dropped into the mail slot, with a peculiar deftness, a bit of wax-sealed parchment. It was midday when he happened by the door and saw his own name where the recipientโs would be. It bore no stamps, and it was not coupled with the other bits of mail, which would arrive in the afternoon. He cut the wax with a pen knife in his Grandfatherโs study, and for a reason he could not find the words describe, although he was possessed of the vocabulary and mannerisms of a boy much older than his eleven years could display (due in great measure to the seclusion he often sought within his grandfatherโs library), his small hands trembled with the action. At the first line of the letter, the essential nature of his upbringing, which was comprised of those remnants of both an English ancestry and Yankee, Puritanical sentimentality, brought upon him such a chill that he could scarcely keep from shuddering and gasping aloud.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)
Dear Mr. Phillips Lovecraft,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.
Yours Sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Upon completing the letter, such a fit seized Harry that his breath grew shorter, and rather than endure further contemplation of such eldritch things as the letter suggested, his young body elected to crumple mercifully to a spell of fainting.
chcampb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ofthedappersort ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And infinitely better
BelialSons ยท 746 points ยท Posted at 03:18:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sylvia Plath's Perks of Being a Wallflower
tartansheep ยท 146 points ยท Posted at 09:39:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear friend,
Today I sliced my finger open on a Walkman and it hurt and pulsed and for a second it was like a surge of redcoats pouring from the split skin. I am ill again. I imagine the soldiers' long-dead names rotting in my mouth, their berry-bright coats soaked in blood, my finger the beleaguered battlefield. In shop class we are still doing clocks, and I sulked and sighed at the ticking away of my life. All I can do is cradle my trepanned finger and wish to walk at night without fear or weapons. My tongue is my weapon and she is sharp. My teeth gleam in the darkness.
robb3rs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:16:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:07:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goddamn well done!
[deleted] ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 05:59:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BelialSons ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 11:37:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'll be like an episode of Black Mirror then.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 07:20:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One minute you're participating in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, the next, you're headfirst in an oven.
invot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:45:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love it
CelticJoe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:27:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotcha covered.
glasgow_girl ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No you don't
Scarletfapper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:28:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The party gets invaded by redcoats...
examinedliving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ouch
notTHATwriter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one's underrated as hell.
Dyvius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:07:11 on August 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll always love her poem "Mirror."
Jakuskrzypk ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:59:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id go for Bukofski's take on it.
crunchy_fetus1 ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 12:15:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
13 Reasons Why by Sylvia Plath would be good too.
Leohond15 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 12:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow I think a book about a depressed teenager with suicidal tendencies would be more annoying and whiny when written by her.
sidekickplayah ยท 404 points ยท Posted at 02:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ray Bradbury on The Hunger Games trilogy.
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 03:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was a pleasure to hunt
MemyselFishness ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:29:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ray Bradbury on Ender's Game series.
SerendipitousSelkie ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:31:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Shirley Jackson.
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
President of RPI, or somebody else?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:55:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Author of The Lottery and other things.
Thespoderweeb ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 21:55:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ray Bradbury on anything, really.That man could WRITE.
JakeWolfe22 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:24:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, one might call that "The Running Man". You should check it out, if you weren't already aware of it.
sidekickplayah ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was not aware of it, but I think I will find some time to get to read it if it does feel like a crossovee of bradbury with hunger games.
JakeWolfe22 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:01:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh, I was thinking more of the movie. Turns out the novel was actually written by Stephen King though (under a pseudonym).
jackthefiction ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
goddamn!I've never thought it this way. accurate as fuck
JakeWolfe22 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:20:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first heard about Hunger Games, and someone described it to me, I was like, "wait a minute..."
jackthefiction ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol.i was thinking you were talking about book but stil...
bloodstreamcity ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:36:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ray Bradbury all the things!
jackthefiction ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:14:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i'd kill for that trilogy.
Uhhlaneuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize how big Ray Bradbury was (to be fair I don't read that much) until I watched antiques roadshow and I believe it was her mothers that was friends with him- and he had an autographed book by him.
But shucks I forgot how much it could've went for at auction
Catacomb82 ยท 16134 points ยท Posted at 02:00:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham by Karl Marx
RanDomino5 ยท 694 points ยท Posted at 04:45:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"We assumed in our example, that the value of the Green Eggs and Ham = ยฃ410 const. + ยฃ90 var. + ยฃ90 surpl., and that the capital advanced = ยฃ500. Since the surplus-value = ยฃ90, and the advanced capital = ยฃ500, we should, according to the usual way of reckoning, get as the rate of surplus-value (generally confounded with rate of profits) 18%, a rate so low as possibly to cause a pleasant surprise to Sam-I-Am and other harmonisers. But in truth, the rate of surplus-value is not equal to s/C or s/(c+v), but to s/v: thus it is not 90/500 but 90/90 or 100%, which is more than five times the apparent degree of exploitation. Although, in the case we have supposed, we are ignorant of the actual length of the working-day, and of the duration in days or weeks of the labour-process, as also of the number of Whos employed, yet the rate of surplus-value s/v accurately discloses to us, by means of its equivalent expression, surplus-labour/necessary labour the relation between the two parts of the working-day. This relation is here one of equality, the rate being 100%. Hence, it is plain, the Who, in our example, works one half of the day for himself, the other half for the capitalist."
serjykalstryke2 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 13:43:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what makes it good.
Everyone else took dr. Suess and added a bad understanding of Marxism.
You flipped the dialectic on its head
sirgog ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 07:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that's how you do a mashup of Capital with Green Eggs and Ham.
Athie ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 07:30:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is truly the most underrated comment here.
RanDomino5 ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 07:47:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair I literally picked a random paragraph out of Capital and changed four words.
Wheres_The_Whiskey ยท 28662 points ยท Posted at 02:14:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exploitation on a train
Exploitation on a plane
Exploitation here and there
Exploitation everywhere!
Proletariat, show your might:
Workers of the world, unite!
DoctorZMC ยท 1124 points ยท Posted at 03:20:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... thats "a communist manifesto" by Dr Suess
trentlott ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 10:42:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They haven't read enough Marx to make the right (and better) joke.
Callumsm2016 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 08:37:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would prefer "Mein Kamf" by Dr Suess
MemeMeUpFamilia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:40:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disgusting
[deleted] ยท -43 points ยท Posted at 08:52:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
DoctorZMC ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 11:06:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Godwin's law in effect, right here.
intheskyw_diamonds ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 09:35:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is a joke?
[deleted] ยท -48 points ยท Posted at 09:51:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Cybraxia ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 10:12:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/unexpectedAntifa
Loaf4prez ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We got that in Kentucky the other day.
SgtBaum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish that existed :(
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:34 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone please make that
intheskyw_diamonds ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 09:57:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh OK, I didn't realise the fucking speech police were out today. Ironic. ๐ฎ
[deleted] ยท -37 points ยท Posted at 10:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 10:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*
intheskyw_diamonds ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 10:25:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What he commented barely classifies as hate speech. I hate Nazis too, I'm just not as blasรฉ with throwing around insults in so far that when I call someone a Nazi they're probably actually a Nazi. It was obviously meant in jest (not that I found it funny).
And what the fuck are you talking about! How is some dude making a crappy joke on reddit oppressive? How did this discussion turn into you inviting violence against others?
Get some perspective, Nazi jokes on reddit is not a big issue...
Edit: you don't think there's anything ironic with fighting 'fascism' by trying to oppress free speech? lol
derglingrush ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:38:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It doesn't classify as hate speech. There was nothing hateful about it.
intheskyw_diamonds ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:44:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a figure of speech where I'm from. Means it doesn't. I can see how that is unclear however.
derglingrush ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotcha. I'm familiar with 'it hardly classifies' but I have never heard barely used in that context.
malcolmmittendren ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 10:31:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck off.
MattyFTM ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 12:11:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Fuck off Nazi" is more hate speech than what he said. He made a joke. You can think that joke is in bad taste. You can think that the subject matter shouldn't be joked about. You can hate the joke. But you can't accuse someone of Naziism based on on a that joke.
Wimopy ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 10:47:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one said anything supporting of Nazi ideals. Don't just strike down any conversation about something relating to the Nazis. That is counterproductive. Would you have people forget it happened? Sure, jokes aren't the best form of remembrance, but they still serve a vital purpose.
And proposing to use violence against a group for their beliefs sounds familiar, doesn't it? For the greater good, even?
I'm not saying we should allow racism of any form, but what you are doing will just radicalise proponents and create more followers out of spite.
Violence won't remove the roots of an ideal.
What's the real answer to stop them from harming people, you may wonder? Detaining them will get them supporters. Not doing anything allows harm. The best thing would be people realising it's wrong and calling them out and stopping them if they cross a line, but that's very vague.
Naturally, long term solution is teaching people how and why it's wrong so that no one accepts it anymore, but that gives way to short term violence.
Either way, it's a hard topic and you should really take time to think about a proper solution.
P.S.: this reply got way out of hand.
TL;DR: violence not solution, complicated question. No short term answers.
N0ahface ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How triggered do you get when your middle school teacher talks about World War ii
throwawayhurradurr ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 13:00:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go back to europe, commie.
potatoesarenotcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Europe is a continent. Ireland has pretty free speech. What of communism?
throwawayhurradurr ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:13:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ireland?
Nope! Not free speech.
potatoesarenotcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeah, because of the IRA. You won't be arrested for for any of this unless you're IRA.
Also who cares about free speech when you guys get like 20 years for some weed? Fucking hilarious. But at least you can talk, but you can't fucking walk.
throwawayhurradurr ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well thanks for proving my point, commie.
potatoesarenotcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was saying why do you care about free speech, it's an Irish way of saying things.
Ireland is commie now? You're hilarious. But yeah, America is great what with the huge amount of people working as slaves in prisons. So free.
throwawayhurradurr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:58:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because it's kind of important? Because it's a fundamental right? I'm not saying Ireland is communist (I guess you aren't a native English speaker, because I called you communist, not Ireland) but when you talk about how free speech doesn't matter you sure sound like a goddamn commie because that's the kind of fucked up shit communists say.
potatoesarenotcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:19:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was saying it's irrelevant in your country. We speak different English so I understand the confusion.
Like, who cares if you have free speech when you can be put in jail for 20+ years if you're caught with a joint? 4.4% of your population is in prison, slave labor. Talk free, not walk free.
In practice, you can say what you want in Ireland. But if you start a murdererous terror cult with your words (IRA etc) you will get in trouble.
So there is a good limit to free speech. You think radicalisation is good?
Cheesedoodlerrrr ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:12:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, is this what those "antifa" nutjobs sound like for real??
Special_opps ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:35:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It looks like this is a siege fail
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 11:28:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm anti fascist as fuck, and you need to chill. Nazis are an easy joke target, and joking about them isn't evil.
Gothmog26 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:09:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You speak, but all I hear is "REEEEE".
Special_opps ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 14:07:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck off, fun-Nazi. What kinds of comments did you expect in a post like this?
Callumsm2016 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 09:42:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bunk this morning...
Rev1917-2017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahh shit fam. This is why you don't Reddit while hopped up on meds and sleep deprived. Totally didn't realize what thread I was on.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:40:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Soviet Russia, Green eggs and ham eat you, imperialist swine.
doomparrot42 ยท 1638 points ยท Posted at 02:53:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Words cannot explain how much I adore this. And it actually scans too!
raresaturn ยท 475 points ยท Posted at 03:05:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean by it scans?
the_seraphim ยท 1299 points ยท Posted at 03:10:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it means that the words match the intended meter.
you ever try to make up a song lyric but fall one syllable short or long? it doesn't sound right.
two examples.
i will not eat them sam i am.
this works in the head, now try this
i won't eat them sam i am.
doesn't quite sound right...
that's "scan"
00worms00 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 03:12:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
today i finally learned....
also i had never seen the wintergreen lifesaver thing after knowing about it for like 15 years
Bishopcdn ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 03:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The term can ALSO be used to say whether dialogue sounds natural for a character. So, if you dub Sam L Jackson dialogue onto Rachel McAdams, it doesn't scan.
The other term we'd use is "parse" as in "does this idea parse?", which is "Would you understand this idea."
Paradigm88 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 04:17:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"English, motherfucker, do you speak it?"
monkwren ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:51:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thus proving the ability of the word "fuck" to make fucking anything understandable to the average English speaker.
kumiosh ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck yeah!
djzenmastak ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:43:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that usage of parse doesn't make sense to me. i understand it's lingo, but to say "does this idea parse?" is asking one to parse whether the idea 'parses', which is pretty out there.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:15:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you mean by it scan- I mean Wintergreen Lifesaver thing?
AMurdoc ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:25:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that they spark in the dark or something like that. Maybe?
CrimsonSergal ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:43:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's called Triboluminescence-
really interesting stuff, and it's fun to confuse younger cousins or siblings with it, since not many people know much about it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triboluminescence
lunarblossoms ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:14:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Big day for you, buddy.
the_seraphim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wintergreen lifesaver thing?
i know what they are (polos) but what is the thing
faithfulpuppy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:22:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you bite them they flash light a little bit because of the chemistry of the flavoring. Try chewing one with your mouth open in a dark bathroom while looking in the mirror
the_seraphim ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:47:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
another excuse to eat sweets
"fuck the diet honey, this is science!"
saysthingsbackwards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did the breath Savers have sugar in them?
Lyndis_Caelin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That the thing that "if you hydraulic press a mint then it will light up"?
EBannion ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:03:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, you know, your teeth.
A hydraulic press? Who chews with a hydraulic press?
00worms00 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:08:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mediterranean quadraplegics
EBannion ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:26:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That seems oddly region-specific.
00worms00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cause the guy who started hydraulic pressing things was from there..... best countries on earth.... from catalonia to turkey <3 mmmph
EBannion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, awesome!
I still think it's pretty complicated to chew with a hydraulic press. I mean, don't they have food processors there?
redmercurysalesman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Hydraulic Press Channel guy is from Finland...
ficus_deltoidea ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:40:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that meter is the moody catelectic trochaic tetrameter. A meter famously deployed by Shakespeare for supernatural subjects (witch's spell, fairies' spells, and the amazing "Phoenix and the turtle"โwhich if you haven't read, you should.)
NanotechNinja ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:26:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wikipedia page for that poem includes the absolutely fascinating note that:
That is to say, "everyone knows that no-one knows this poem".
justiceforforks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, I don't know that poem
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:23:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think they mean 'obscure' in the sense of difficult to interpret.
MandaloreUnsullied ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:34:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Half of Reddit's amateur poets/lyricists don't seem to have any conception of this, and it's absolutely infuriating.
endlessunshine833 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:34:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do this all the time when I change words to songs and make them about my dogs and my girlfriend. They all hate me.
Matthew_A ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:14:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But "exploitation" and "i won't eat them" have the same number of syllables.
the_seraphim ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's hard to express in simple terms.. it's not always down to the actual syllable count....
it's more about the stressed and unstressed syllables, the natural rhythm.
read the below post, come back if it doesn't help i'll try to explain another way.
http://anniefinch.com/how-to-scan-a-poem/
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:16:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are small pauses in between I won't eat them compared to saying exploitation all together. I'm not sure if that fits with the scan thing, but it seems to make sense.
barricuda ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 03:36:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you can make almost anything 'scan' by changing your pronunciation so acting surprised when the verbiage flows is like acting surprised when a phone charger fits.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't surprised, just offering a possible explanation.
barricuda ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you weren't some guy waaaay up in the thread did.
doomparrot42 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:17:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exploitation is stressed-unstressed-unstressed-unstressed. "I won't eat them" is stressed-unstressed-stressed-unstressed. Say it out loud and listen to where the emphasis falls.
AssaultedCracker ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:32:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exploitation is stressed-unstressed-stressed-unstressed.
The reason I Won't Eat Them sounds awkward has more to do with the fact that it stresses the wrong syllables in that sentence. It's not a very good example to show how exploitation fits well.
eddiemon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your example is bad. The second one works just fine if you read it like "I won't eat them Sam I am".
the_seraphim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
true, but you should really stress the won't if you are serious about not eating them... otherwise i won't take you serious ;)
Stew_Long ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey thanks for the knowledge man! I've never even heard the term before!
hugganao ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:51:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe something's a bit different in my head bc right now, the second one sounds okay to me too.
I've been listening to some hip-hop if that makes any difference.
declar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guys scans
keeferc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I think the count would start on "will" in your first example and "I" in your second
patientpedestrian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bum's as holy as you are.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for providing this bit of info though i have to say it seems strange the highest order of angels deemed this explanation worthy of their time
the_seraphim ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:50:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
because the seraphim are gods holy choir... who better to teach the peasantry about poetic meter
Getoutabed ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meter is a measurement of length.
the_seraphim ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:49:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
only in the united states of we can't spell
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:07:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss strictly uses a limited selection of poetic meters: basically, patterns of stressed and unstressed syllables. All poetic meters have two-part names: the first part describes what one iteration of the pattern looks like, and the second tells you how many iterations (called "feet") there are in a line. For instance, Shakespeare wrote in iambic pentameter: Five "iambs" per line, with one iamb being an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one.
By far the most common meter Dr. Seuss used was anapestic tetrameter. An anapest is two unstressed syllables followed by one stressed syllable, and tetrameter of course means you have four anapests per line. This is what gives most of his work that characteristic bouncing, lilting feel.
This poem, modeled after the one in Green Eggs and Ham, is set in trochaic tetrameter. A "trochee" is a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable.
So! The analysis of these stressed and unstressed syllables in verse is called "scansion". When a piece of verse chooses a meter and uses it correctly, we say it "scans" well. And if you're trying to imitate someone else's style, it further means that you have chosen the correct meter and used it correctly, as u/Wheres_the_Whiskey did.
P.S. Note that Green Eggs and Ham is actually set in iambic tetrameter:
But since a trochee is the exact opposite of an iamb, they feel very similar, so it still works.
Zelrak ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scansion
Basically: it has the right rhythm.
okayyyyyyyyyyyy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has a consistent meter.
LJW109 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm curious as well
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:07:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Copying my reply to parent commenter:
Dr. Seuss strictly uses a limited selection of poetic meters: basically, patterns of stressed and unstressed syllables. All poetic meters have two-part names: the first part describes what one iteration of the pattern looks like, and the second tells you how many iterations (called "feet") there are in a line. For instance, Shakespeare wrote in iambic pentameter: Five "iambs" per line, with one iamb being an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one.
By far the most common meter Dr. Seuss used was anapestic tetrameter. An anapest is two unstressed syllables followed by one stressed syllable, and tetrameter of course means you have four anapests per line. This is what gives most of his work that characteristic bouncing, lilting feel.
This poem, modeled after the one in Green Eggs and Ham, is set in trochaic tetrameter. A "trochee" is a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable.
So! The analysis of these stressed and unstressed syllables in verse is called "scansion". When a piece of verse chooses a meter and uses it correctly, we say it "scans" well. And if you're trying to imitate someone else's style, it further means that you have chosen the correct meter and used it correctly, as u/Wheres_the_Whiskey did.
P.S. Note that Green Eggs and Ham is actually set in iambic tetrameter:
But since a trochee is the exact opposite of an iamb, they feel very similar, so it still works.
EarthAllAlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scansion
one-man-circlejerk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:10:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I put the comment through the supermarket self checkout and it came up as potatoes
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously he's alluding to the movie Scanners.
jabels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Looks like Iiiiiiii did the butler!
BrajScience ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 03:16:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just a douche bag way of making a very unimportant point
Till9 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:53:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Metre is important in poetry
doomparrot42 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:23:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, because when you're writing poetry, the rhythm, flow, and phrasing are totally insignificant.
LeakyLycanthrope ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:55:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're trying to imitate an author who uses a very limited selection of poetic meters, and uses them perfectly, it's literally the most important point.
UrNotAMachine ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:30:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean technically the word Proletariat doesn't scan. It's one syllable too long. Still great though.
booker8 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:37:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was wondering why nobody else caught the extra syllable...
h3lblad3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:28:06 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, how many syllables should it have? I thought it sounded fine "prol-a-tair-yut".
UrNotAMachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:29:24 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
pro-le-ta-ri-at
h3lblad3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:58 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enunciate less. ;)
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:02:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
doomparrot42 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:04:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively: Dr. Seuss' secret communist sympathies revealed at last.
UltraCarnivore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The places you'll go... Gulag
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:10:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
doomparrot42 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:13:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When the fully-automated luxury gay space communism revolution comes, your kids will shake their tiny fists and rue the day their parents rejected Red Eggs and Ham.
captainthomas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:12:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except that this is trochaic tetrameter, whereas the original is iambic tetrameter.
JealousHamburger ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 03:11:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So why you no upvote?
doomparrot42 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From each according to their abilities, to each according to their means. Other comrades have already bolstered u/Wheres_The_Whiskey 's glorious proletariat ode.
I did upvote. Why the accusation? You the upvote KGB now?
ascetic_lynx ยท 3370 points ยท Posted at 02:53:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It will not work by the sea
It will not work in a tree
It will not work in the rain
It will not work on the plain
I do not like your communist sparks
I do not like them Mr. Marx!
TheTrueKitKat ยท 1721 points ยท Posted at 03:05:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Not in a book.
Not with a crook.
Not in a bowl.
Not with a prole.
I would not feed them, here or there.
I would not feed them anywhere."
I won't bow to you, though you think big;
I won't bow to you, you capitalist pig!
TheVegetaMonologues ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 03:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your meter really went to shit at the end there
TheTrueKitKat ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:48:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, Im having some issues in a discord server and was in a rush to fix em
Summerie ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 09:42:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the modern day "dog ate my homework".
AJGrayTay ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:38:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol.
GMY0da ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:12:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo!
Lewis_Ridley ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make it flow a little better and add some music, and you sir have made some pretty good Roger Waters material
TheTrueKitKat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:07:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank Friendo
djlenin89 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:48:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, those last couple lines were straight fire. Now if only my comrades had a former communist leader of Russia, turned DJ, to help them drop the hottest mixtape of all time.
TheTrueKitKat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:53:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some nice beats in this video, Putin may be our DJ!
cayal3 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:06:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys are actually writing as Dr Seuss. Not covering his work.
realitysmasher ยท -29 points ยท Posted at 03:26:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
are you aware of anywhere of marxes real theory? you uneducated rube
Talisman192 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:36:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only neckbeards call people uneducated rubes
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:40:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neckbeards are also the only ones to call someone uneducated over some pretty obvious shitposting
barricuda ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(_)_)=====D~~~ It's a rocket ship
ngwoo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:35:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bounced on my boy's dick to this post
TheTrueKitKat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check post history, it's actually my views XD. I'm not a Marxist though, just a socialist
[deleted] ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 03:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheTrueKitKat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:56:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Baltowolf ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:19:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So yes?
Baltowolf ยท -14 points ยท Posted at 03:59:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats on being someone ignorant who doesn't know quite enough about his own professed views to know how much of a failure they have been throughout history. That's the only way I can fathom someone being a socialist at least.
Think about the fact that there are no well-off socialist nations in the world and never have been. Yes even the Soviet Union wasn't too well-off. There's a reason Gorbachev had to restructure the economy. Socialism never works. Feel free to message me and I'll be happy to converse with you. As a conservative I would love to discuss this stuff with a self-proclaimed socialist. I just don't want to in comments because that gets out of hand fast and I frankly don't check my comment replies enough for that.
EBannion ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:05:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like Scandinavia?
edit to make sure people don't think I'm stupid: You mean like the various Scandanavian countries who provide excellent quality of life for their citizens with a tax rate many people here deride as 'socialist' while also providing universal healthcare and many other things?
They seem both 'well off' and 'socialist' to me, and they rate amongst the happiest populations in the world.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:18:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No countries in Scandinavia are socialist. All of them are welfare capitalist. The means of production isn't owned by the workers.
TheTrueKitKat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. Thank you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah. Its real shit.
Lukethehedgehog ยท 578 points ยท Posted at 03:01:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then the protagonist actually tries communism and ends up finding out it's great.
[deleted] ยท 1188 points ยท Posted at 03:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how you could tell it's a fantasy book for children.
Edit: There's something slightly unsettling about being gilded unasked for and unearned, for a post that's critical of wealth redistribution. But I thank you anyways. Though I will say, whoever bought me gold, if you ever see a post of mine again that you think deserves it, please spend the money on no one but yourself. Go have a delicious ice cream cone or something with that money you earned. That will make me happy :)
Mutt1223 ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 03:12:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget to send me a postcard from Siberia, comrade.
FattiesFTW ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:30:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see you've read Shel Silverstein too
sk_progressive ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:10:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh man the pure ideology in this post and even the edit
MiddleNI ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 03:13:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this is capitalism working I don't want to see what happens when it doesn't.
HippyHitman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:37:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's when working people can actually afford to live!
alexmikli ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 08:52:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You may not have noticed the massive uptick in quality of life and life expectancy in the last 150 years, particularly in regards to education and not dying in childhood or childbirth.
carlosortegap ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 12:29:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/LateStageFeudalism/
UncertainAnswer ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 12:29:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So we all get to live longer being broke, miserable, and depressed! Yay!
The simple fact is quality of life increases aren't worth shit when so many struggle for basic needs.
bswa ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:12:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At what point in human history would you have rather been born? I'm fairly confident a larger proportion of humans are more effectively meeting their needs than ever before, leading to a larger quantity of higher quality leisure time.
I know it's easy to get caught up in personal struggles or the struggles of impoverished people all over the world, but understanding our current level of development in the context of economic history may help you feel optimistic.
I mean shit, until fairly recently (extremely relatively recently in terms of humanity's timeline) clothing had to be painstakingly washed by hand (if it got washed at all), the best available form of refrigeration was a frickin' icebox (can you imagine a time when harvesting ice was a legitimate and incredibly useful profession?), and in the year 1900 in the United States infant mortality was 10 times higher than it is today.
Nowadays the average person in the United States can waltz into an air conditioned grocery store that would've been inconceivable to our relatively recent ancestors, carrying a computer in our pocket connected to a worldwide database of virtually all the knowledge in the world, while we browse a historically unparalleled selection of incredibly cheap produce, snacks, beverages, etc. which are harvested/created and delivered from all over the world, facilitated by modern innovations in preservation and transportation technologies. And our improvements in quality of life in the United States give us more bandwidth to try to help those from less fortunate parts of the world. The Hudson Institute estimated in 2004 that private assistance to developing countries totaled $71.2 billion, on top of $16.3 billion from government aid in 2003. This provides an unprecedented level of assistance for poor people across the globe, made more inspiring by the fact that so many of those recipients are complete strangers to the donors. Even those who may not directly receive aid will still benefit from increased economic activity in their communities.
Our current situation in the context of human history is truly incredible, and if you live in a developed nation I implore you to find things to be grateful for and to find the greatest degree of satisfaction in your life as possible. It is a wonderful time to be alive :)
shouldbebabysitting ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 23:14:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you believe in the ideal of completely free market capitalism then you would want to be born in the 1880's before that nasty trust busting Teddy Roosevelt came to power.
Without the threat of global communism, the US wouldn't have had to implement the best parts of communist countries' policies into America. ( Social Security, centralised banking to prevent depressions, public education for everyone k-12 )
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:25:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But but . . . rich people in skyscrapers with Italian sports cars!!!!
bswa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I tend to agree that other people's wealth doesn't affect my own well being, let's try to keep the circlejerking to a minimum
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 15:35:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go fuck yourself.
Scumbag__ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:08:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, you should see the massive uptick in life expectancy and education in Cuba since it became Socialist. They went from being Haiti Jr. to a country which literally exports Doctors, bumped their life expectancy to nearly 80 and pretty much eradicated illiteracy.
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:10:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every see any Cubans on the internet?
Also they're not socialist, they're state capitalist.
Scumbag__ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:16:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know one of the main reasons we don't see Cubans on the internet is because the US embargo basically made it too expensive to even think about setting up a good connection, never mind the fact the island is in the middle of nowhere where it would be impossible to get good bandwidth. Its almost like the US, afraid of communism/socialism had to do anything in their power to stop it from looking good.
At the end of the day, without socialism Cuba would just be another Haiti.
alexmikli ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 18:20:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cuba is doing pretty good despite the honestly pretty fucking unjust embargo. I think it's pretty good as communist states go, but they're still not exactly good when it comes to personal freedoms. That could change, but so far it's been pretty bad.
Scumbag__ ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But hey, atleast the have oppurtunity now. Ever hear of a doctor from Haiti? Ever notice the murder rates in Honduras? Cubans get free education, food and residence which gives them opportunities to live great lives even if they move. I'm not saying every country in the world should become socialist, I'm just saying its ignorant to think that some countries are better off as capitalist.
FlutterShy- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:10:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you describing capitalism or Cuba?
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:30:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FlutterShy- ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 12:36:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And yet, the quality of life, life expectancy, literacy, and infant mortality have all improved under Cuba.
And no, it's not communism. It's just state capitalism.
And if you think that it's communism, you should consider reading a book or two on the subject.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:14:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
FlutterShy- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What have I said?
That I value empirical data, reading, and the objectively correct definitions of words.
I may not be fun at parties, but I don't think it's a bad impression.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:23:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then if it's not communism and is state capitalism, why bring Cuba up? Sounds like they did better than an anarchist commune that immediately gets crushed by the local Russians with tanks.
FlutterShy- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because state capitalism is not the same as capitalism.
alexmikli ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:34:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's also not feudalism, syndicalism, or communism and doesn't really prove that communism does or does not work. Leninists usually consider it a necessary step to true communism, and maybe it is, but it isn't exactly immune to the insane corruption and the whole death camp thing we saw and I don't know if true communism is worth 100 years or more of brutal autocracy that's only a few steps away from Fascism or Absolutism.
lord_allonymous ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:24:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like how North Korea is a real Democratic Republic!
KeyserSOhItsTaken ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:45:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Venezuela.
John_Ketch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:09:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can see what happens when it doesn't. Just flip open a history book and read the passages on quality of life for Soviet poor people.
Heemoglobin ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:20:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bailing out banks isn't capitalist
[deleted] ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 06:25:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is. Governments are a part of capitalism, all capitalist systems to exist have governments. Every capitalist economist and philosopher outside of some fringe crazies wrote in great lengths about the role governed is meant to fill.
You can magically place every piece of blame onto something else. One of the most important things to note from minds such as Smith and Keynes is the capitalism must be critiqued for all systems are flawed. Only through acknowledgement of these flaws can we overcome them.
superhobo666 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are... Are you OK? Do we need to call you an ambulance?
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:03:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was using a really shitty mobile keyboard with terrible auto correct.
Heemoglobin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:37:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never said capitalism was perfect, just that bailing out wall street isn't capitalist at all. Neither did i denounce the economists you mentioned; I actually really like Keynes, he had some cool ideas. All that being said though, fucking proof read your shit. It took me three tries to read that drunken slop of a paragraph.
RevivingJuliet ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:58:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:11:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mobile keyboard auto correct nonsense, it's fixed.
KingPellinore ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:59:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps it's a symptom?
CosmicVibrations ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:07:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well we already saw communism fail, so what are you suggesting?
carlosortegap ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not really. We saw parties who said they were applying socialism to get to communism failed. We didn't really see socialism and we never have seen communism
CosmicVibrations ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:25:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
alexmikli ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:48:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If those dicatorships weren't communist and were state capitalist, it sounds like state capitalism works better than communism since every time communism has been tried it's either co-opted by state capitalists or invaded by them, like in Ukraine.
carlosortegap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:44:45 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism has never been tried. They called themselves socialist. And all the countries that called themselves socialists said they were transitioning to communism, which is a stateless society. For the case of the Soviet Union, Lenin wrote that they had to go through state capitalism before being socialist
Kered13 ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 03:48:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just wait til you see what happens when communism "works".
EDIT: Looks like the tankies are out in force today.
MiddleNI ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:52:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you know what happens when communism works? Or do you think you know based off of a few select states which loosely followed some socialist policies while also waging a global cold war against the entire western world after losing most of your young male population to the largest war in recorded history?
Baltowolf ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:15:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a hard time believing that every single communist country failing or being authoritarian is "a few select states". Try "every single communist country in history."
We have enough evidence to know it doesn't work. I know it's cool right now among you hip Bernie living liberals to say socialism works but please educate yourself and accept reality. Ffs. It never works. Ask people from communist countries. Ask the people from Venezuela right now. You have to be wilfully ignorant to be a socialist in the 21st century. We had the entire 20th century to see how badly it doesn't work.
MiddleNI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perhaps you are the one who should educate themselves based on your assertion that any country has actually practiced communism. I get the feeling your understanding of Socialism is based off of the totalitarian regimes in late 1900's eastern Europe rather than any socialist literature or convention.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:30:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grew up in People's Republic of Poland. Fuck you for defending this filth. You have no idea. Ironic to enjoy a comfy American life and defend a system that knew only death, torture, and fear.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except they did all this via methods proscribed by communist thinkers, and following play books written by the lenin's and Marx's of the world.
Unless Lenin isn't a communist? I don't know, none of what you people believe seems to add up to me.
carlosortegap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same way the holy wars were waged by the bible.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of you throwing out unconnected non-sequitur's.
carlosortegap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much what you said. You equated Marx's work with the practices of totalitarian states who didn't even follow works by Lenin who wrote ideas opposite to the ones laid by Marx
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:36:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough, I guess. I do believe even pure Marxism is a complete pipe dream, but I will say, Communist states seemed to roll really badly on the leader dice. Stalin was a paranoid maniac, Pol Pot was a psycopath and Mao seemed to have the emotional maturity of a teenager. Really only Lenin seemed to be both a born leader and a true believer in his cause.
carlosortegap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The USSR had many other leaders. Tito as well is still revered in former Yugoslavia
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I know it wasn't all bad. Khruschchev in particular kinda reminds me of Eisenhower.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 05:59:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Kered13 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:37:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Europe isn't remotely socialist, and any socialist would tell you that. They are capitalist welfare states.
mgman640 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Minus the United States, because grrrr socialism evil...or something
Kered13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, of course. It's all those damn capitalists' fault! They're devious plan of bringing economic prosperity, technological progress, and human rights to the world has suppressed the glorious socialist revolution! Repeated failures leading to the death and suffering of millions are evidence of nothing, this time it will work!
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:19:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what way has capitalism brought human rights to the world?
aqouta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Capitalism is a liberal system individual rights are core liberals ideals and capitalism has spread liberalism.
Kered13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's more that the alternatives to capitalism destroy human rights.
SirPrice ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not all or nothing you know. You might remember that the abolition of slavery and child labour where due to government interference.
Kered13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't say anarcho-capitalist.
[deleted] ยท -22 points ยท Posted at 03:19:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If what is? The US right now? We haven't had actual capitalism in the US for many many decades. The Current US "capitalism" is like filling a car's engine with sand and then saying "If this is how well this car works, I don't want to see what happens when it doesn't".
MiddleNI ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 03:22:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And holding the late USSR up as an example of socialism not working is a similar issue. What in your opinion was the last time that the U.S. was truly capitalist?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Baltowolf ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 04:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is holding the USSR up not a good example? Were they not the single most powerful communist nation in history? And a strong illustration of what ultimately results from communism and socialism?
USSR. North Korea. China. Cuba. Even Venezuela. Which one of those countries are good places to live compared to countries like the US and the UK or Canada? None. That is what happens in every socialist and communist country in history. How many examples do we need exactly? Communism never works because it ignores human nature.
95Mb ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:22:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
North Korea is as communist as it is a "democratic people's republic."
vacuousaptitude ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:51:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If the US is not 'actually capitalist' it's pretty clear that none of the countries you listed were remotely communist.
MiddleNI ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:12:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, because they weren't communist. They certainly claimed to be, and certainly practiced a somewhat collectivized society, but saying the Soviet Union was a communist state is either a downright lie or a demonstration of ignorance of socialist theory.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then why is it that every communist experiment ever has degenerated into totalitarianism within a generation?
Free market republics make it at least a few generations before even starting to severely degrade.
ManicMuffin ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:34:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They tried to be and failed. It's still proof that communism doesn't work.
It's like trying to say "nothing's impossible because it hasn't happened yet"
MiddleNI ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're surprised that a baby which we tried to strangle in its crib didn't quite turn out right? Socialism never gets a chance to peacefully come about, because any mode of production which doesn't support exploitation by U.S. companies is immediately and violently attacked
ManicMuffin ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:38:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any form of government that cannot survive clearly doesn't work. That's basic darwinism at it's core. Stop making excuses.
MiddleNI ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Under capitalism the entire planet is about to not be able to survive-we are killing our environment while enslaving our people and you say it works because a select minority lives in luxury while your only counter to socialisms real complaints is based off of repeating that the Soviet Union failed after losing tens of millions of people in a genocidal war and then launching into a global war against the largest power on the planet and sustaining parity for decades?
willreignsomnipotent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously... in a system that benefits the rich, the bigger and nicer the house you live in, the better you think the system is working. And vice versa.
mgman640 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:22:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism never took root in America because the people see themselves, not as an exploited working class, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:30:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we collectively agree to stop using this quote? God I see this like 15 times a day on Reddit
ManicMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You've literally described every country that tried socialism. At least there's some chance of social mobility in a capitalist country. The environment was also double fucked in Socialist countries considering the amount of centralization and lack of anything even remotely close to environmental regulations. When people want something, the environment doesn't really matter.
Punpun4realzies ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:44:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is a country like Guatemala supposed to survive when the entire might of the CIA is used to destroy its democratically elected government?
For that matter, plenty of capitalist states have failed to survive too. The ones that didn't make it just didn't have the population base, available land, resources, and weak neighbors that the United States did.
There's a lot more to a state succeeding than its basic government type.
ManicMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When Communism owned more physical space and population than the western countries, I find it difficult to believe that they couldn't face "the might of the cia".
Communism just doesn't work. Maybe with robots. Probably not.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism 0/10
Communism with rice 3/10
Punpun4realzies ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:31:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You clearly know nothing about the Cold War. Communism wasn't one front, and neither was capitalism. The Soviets hated democratically elected officials, like the socialist party in Guatemala, and gave them no help when the CIA outfitted the Honduran military to invade their sovereign nation.
In fact, after the invasion succeeded, the CIA tried to find evidence of Soviet involvement in the Guatemalan government and failed.
Communism and Capitalism never went one on one in the Cold War, thank God. Had they, there would be no world in which to live in today.
ManicMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you're saying that Communist societies never felt the pressure from Capitalism and so fell apart on their own.
I don't think that's a better statement for the idea that Communism can work.
Lukethehedgehog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:40:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So if I murder a baby, that's the baby's fault for not being able to fend off a grown man?
ManicMuffin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:08:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conflating child rearing with government types is idiotic. Even though that baby did fend off a full grown man until it fell apart from the inside.
Mathwards ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:40:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saying they tried communism is like saying that North Korea tried democracy.
ManicMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right. So if something doesn't work every time you try it, it can't be declared wrong or impossible.
Well, when a fully functioning Communist state emerges, you can argue that the rest didn't try communism. Until then, it's batting average is infinity-zero.
Mathwards ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:51:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NO ONE HAS ACTUALLY FUCKING TRIED IT.
Many states have tried some weird totalitarian bullshit and CALLED it communism. No one has actually tried it as it is intended. It's like me punching my car a bunch and telling everyone, "Hey, I tried starting it, and it didn't work. This car cannot be started." What I call "starting my car" was, in fact, nothing like actually starting a car.
What people think of as communist states were places doing something that is nothing like communism, but here you are saying communism can't work based on the examples of non-communist states failing.
ManicMuffin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:48:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, but you're stroking your own ego right now.
You think that you could actually do it. No offence, but Lenin, Mao, even Kim Jong Un (not saying he wants communism but still) are all far better educated than you or I.
You're implying that they didn't actually try. When they did. It just failed. With you're very awful analogy, you're also implying that a car has ever been started before and that you somehow magically know the right way.
Tsk tsk my friend.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it never works because socialists are the world's worst problem solvers. It fails constantly. Every single time. And all they take out of the experience is that "it wasn't done correctly! If it was done correctly it would succeed!" For people that claim to love the scientific method they sure don't much apply it to their own thinking. Just keep on trying the same failed experiment over and over and over.
If your ideology is too fragile to even be translated into reality correctly one time that makes it even more worthless than if you can keep trying and failing. Though not by much.
Punpun4realzies ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:42:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The UK and Canada, and every country really, are all socialist. Everything in the modern world that allows ordinary people to exist in their current state just above slavery is the result of implementation of socialist policies.
The first socialists weren't Marx and Engels, they were factory workers who stood together and asked for a decent wage, or reasonable hours, or safer conditions.
To denounce the ideas those men stood for by comparing them to authoritarian regimes would be ignoring every good thing that a person who isn't a millionaire gets to have.
MortalShadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao what
Punpun4realzies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every modern nation with healthcare, unemployment benefits, social security, minimum wage, work hour laws, workplace safety regulations, and public education is a socialist country.
MortalShadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:29:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do they have workers control over the means of production?
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 03:25:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pre FDR
MiddleNI ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:30:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The great depression?
Tasgall ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:34:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not what he was going for, but that's amazing - and not all that inaccurate.
MiddleNI ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure what he was going for, as 1800's to early 1900's America was still a pretty bad place to live if you weren't part of the elite. Workers right's were in their infancy, non-white men couldn't vote, we were committing genocide against the native population.
Tasgall ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:50:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think what he was going for was the "unrestrained free-market capitalism would fix all our problems" angle, which is actually much closer to what we had leading up to the great depression, which really doesn't do a great job of selling said free-market ideas.
Baltowolf ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaand what does the economy have to do with voting rights and native genocide? This is about economics not social justice go-to's to say America is bad. He was stating a fact. Before FDR we had an actual capitalist system. Hence workers rights abuses and such. FDR made it a mixed system. FDR was a little socialist in ways. Fact is some government intervention is necessary to protect the workers but not to the extreme of socialism. Somewhere in between.
Also what do you think... The Great Depression was the only time before FDR and after industrialization?? The Great Depression wasn't necessarily because of pure capitalism. If so we wouldn't have recessions would we?
MiddleNI ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:15:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with you; those are social issues that I should not have conflated with the mode of production. However, the state of the American economy throughout it's history is friendly to a privileged few, the property owning elite, rather than the working populace. It doesn't matter if the economy runs if in doing so it actively harms the majority of the population and is detrimental to environmental stability.
Jshaft2blast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think he just wanted to say communism doesn't seem to work in real life.
weirddodgestratus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:15:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically what I'm getting from this is if workers aren't working their fingers to the bone, living packed together like sardines in tenements and dying of black lung by the time they're 30 then the country has clearly fallen to disgusting godless commienism ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ๐บ๐ธ
MiddleNI ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:19:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget entering the workforce at "can you walk"
willreignsomnipotent ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:00:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just nature removing the weak. In another few million generations or so, we'll be able to breathe coal.
frenchduke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:06:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would you mind expanding on why? This is something that's been thoroughly interesting to me lately, and I'd love to learn more. Even if you can just point me in the direction of some sources I'd really appreciate it. Thank you
Lukethehedgehog ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:23:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whot
Last I checked, the US had commodity production.
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 03:59:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Hannibal_Barker ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:52:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Capitalism as a term was scarcely used by Marx and Engels. Much of early economic theory starting in the mid-1600s referred to capital owners as capitalists, and based economy descriptions of their power as capitalistic. Marx and Engels expanded on this and developed their descriptions of modes of production, referring to the Capitalistic Mode of Production. In Das Kapital, that phrasing is mentioned 2600 times, while Capitalism is only mentioned less than a dozen times. The term Capitalism was developed by writers like Blanc and Proudhon. It remained a pretty popular term for the phenomenon of a private property dominance until the early 20th century where neoclassical economists like the Austrian School developed alternate definitions.
Lukethehedgehog ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:03:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What did he mean by this????
So, capitalist.
Topyka2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:40:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He meant some stupid shit, comrade.
Mocha_Bean ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:00:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When we socialists get shit for saying "not real socialism" about countries that literally don't fit the dictionary definition of socialism, y'all say this shit?
[deleted] ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 04:33:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
vacuousaptitude ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:53:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'You want people to get along? What a monster! Go fuck yourself! I want to be an asshole and take advantage of people!'
loknarash ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:28:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Again, you are living in a fantasy world of selflessness. It goes against our very nature as human beings. We are all inherently selfish, and there is nothing wrong with that. In a true free market, you can't be taken advantage of, because it's impossible to create a monopoly on resources without legislation. You socialists ruin everything you touch.
Elegant-chameleon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:42:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unironically, what do you mean by this? It seems like it would be easier to create monopolies (rather, allow monopolies to exist) if there wasn't legislation in place to ensure fair competition. Please expand, I'd like to understand.
And as a counterpoint to your cheeky final sentence, worker's rights and worker's unions are a sexy socialist measure that people who didn't die in a mine at 24 usually take for granted.
loknarash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:54:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://youtu.be/0_PQlX9NDL0
Free market is absolutely possible, it's always ruined by socialists. Socialism, on the other hand, is ruined by human nature.
Elegant-chameleon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After watching this I went around, read a few articles, and found quite a few instances of unfair coercive markets being acted against by the government.
While it's also patently true that legislation can be abused to produce these monopolies, the thought of what would happen were one company to achieve what Ayn Rand believes impossible (and let's not forget that she doesn't have the firmest grasp on reality) and create a monopoly without government intervention (buying out their competitors, or simply keeping prices acceptable, for example), the truth is that government and legislation would be the only thing capable of dislodging that monster.
If you think government meddling is worse than a corporatocracy, I'm not sure how this conversation can progress.
loknarash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:01:56 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are dislodging a monster that they themselves created. A corporatocracy is not possible without government intervention. It's simply impossible to monopolize a resource or skill without legislation. You will be outcompeted.
Here's how the conversation can progress--exit your fantasy world of egalitarianism. If this world is not fair, it's not corporations' fault, but the evil government morons who asserted their power on the American people. Why you think the government is this benevolent entity compared to malovelent corporations is beyond me, and it calls into question your grasp on reality.
Elegant-chameleon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:19 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in Europe. The government is cool enough to spot me trips to the hospital when I need them. And I can leave the comfort of my home and go protest the government at any time I'm unhappy with the work they're doing. Corporations with private police forces (yay for capitalism!) whose lords and masters live half a world away from me are more difficult to show my displeasure at.
vacuousaptitude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unless you aren't wealthy. Then you will be taken advantage of. Monopolies aren't the only things that cause advantage to be taken, that's silly.
And capitalism is so inherently inefficient millions are dying every year from preventable causes for which we have all the resources needed to save their lives, yet choose not to because it doesn't generate profit.
ubermencher ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:02:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What the fuck are you even talking about? What do you mean "have to force it"? Isn't every system of government forced?
Mocha_Bean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can't have capitalism unless you "force it," either. At least not to any less of an extent than socialism.
Baltowolf ยท -16 points ยท Posted at 04:12:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because it's true. Maybe do some research before saying dumb crap.
But I wouldn't expect someone who actually thinks socialism is a good thing to do any research. You might risk finding out how bad socialist actually is.
Mocha_Bean ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:31:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright.
The means of production are privately owned.
They're operated for profit.
The U.S.A.'s economic system is capitalism.
Some definitions - like Merriam-Webster's - are more insistent upon operation within the context of a free market, but "free market" is fairly vague and controversial terminology anyway. I'm certainly not saying that the U.S. is 100% a "free market," but some do even argue that regulation is necessary for the existence of a free market, to prevent monopolies from undermining the very competitive principles that define a free market. I'm not here to argue about that definition, but my point stands that it's rather disingenuous to say that America flat-out isn't capitalist, because by those unreasonably strict standards, no country has ever been capitalist, and none likely ever will be.
mgman640 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 06:26:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You can say the same about socialism.
Mocha_Bean ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:58:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understand your point, and I probably should have expected someone to bring this up. But the things that differentiate most Communist states from the theoretical definition of socialism are much more drastic and fundamental than the things that differentiate modern capitalist states from the theoretical definition of capitalism.
Most Communist states you hear about โ USSR, China, DPRK, Venezuela, Cuba, etc. โ follow some variant of Marxist-Leninistโ political ideology. The short and sweet tl;dr of Marxist-Leninist revolutionary strategy is that the "revolutionary vanguard" โ essentially, the leaders of the revolution โ should establish a single-party state, develop socialism, and then eventually, the state should wither away and leave in its wake a stateless, classless Communist society.
Now, what makes them not socialism? The definition of socialism that you'll find on Wikipedia or Merriam-Webster is rather simple, and has two facets, as follows: the means of production must be socially owned, and they must be democratically controlled. In, say, the USSR, they were definitely socially owned; state ownership is a kind of social ownership. But we can probably both agree that there wasn't much democratic about the Soviet Union.
The idea that these Marxist-Leninist states never developed into socialism, and are/were instead state capitalism, is not just a deflecting response by internet socialists. It's an idea as old as communism itself. Lenin himself โ not even as a criticism โ described the development of the Soviet Union into state capitalism in a 1918 pamphlet. Friedrich Engels, in 1880, also argued that state ownership of the means of production doesn't do away with capitalism in and of itself, but rather that it's the "final stage of capitalism." China even goes as far as explicitly arguing that the rather prominent capitalist elements of their economy constitute "the primary stage of socialism." It was used as a criticism by prominent anarchists as long ago as 1935, when Emma Goldman published an article, entitled "There Is No Communism in Russia." Mensheviks exiled after the revolution, such as Fyodor Dan, likewise argued that Russia was state capitalism.
SirPrice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I take it you are referring to " free-market capitalism"? Because that has never existed anywhere except for maybe the most primitive of human civilization. Government is a part of capitalism, and a much needed one. Even Hayek agreed on that. Rules and regulations to protect people from excess and even competition have existed since at least medieval times. Also, every single economically strong country has grown strong due to protectionist policy. China does not enforce patents, same with the Netherlands at some point in time. Japanese economy has been largely regulated, as is the case with southern Korean economy.
Jazzspasm ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:21:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's always the post gold edit that kills the comment :(
7832507840 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:51:57 on June 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you give someone $4 do you want them to ignore it?
Jazzspasm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:25:12 on June 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't respond as I don't think I'll make it a better comment - I am very grateful indeed for the appreciation when it does happen, though
and let's remember it's not actually being given $4, is it?
it's a fair point you make, though
Bootlegs ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:53:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You basically got gilded for a Ronald Reagan joke, lol. Good old conservative reddit.
yeaheyeah ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:58:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
www.wikipedia.com/list_of_burn_centers_in_soviet_russia
Subalpine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:06:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he is free to waste or not waste his money on anything he chooses.
Paradoxa77 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:15:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I disagree with your Sentiments
But i love your original Thank you note enough to want to gild you again! Yay ice cream for me! (r/fatlogic)
fuzzybooks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just got a cone of Andes mint ice cream. It was the tits. Thanks for the great comment.
willreignsomnipotent ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:43:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1- You "earned" it with your comment. Maybe it didn't seem like much to you, but it was a funny comment that not everyone could have made. (And I thought it was cute and humorous, even though I disagree with your professed views.) People get paid much more, for doing much less, every day.
See, IMHO there's something funny and a bit skewed about how you hardcore capitalists view things. You say "unearned," and I say there was a contribution made. I suggest there could be a metaphor here, for other issues. Society is a complex web. We contribute in different ways, and sometimes an investment over here will pay off later somewhere else, even if you can't see it. And the best thing society can invest in is people, because it's people that make things happen. But I digress...
2- And whether you agree with socialism, or socialist programs, this person chose to give a gift of their own free will. Their cash was not taken by reddit admins and redistributed to poor redditors who can't afford a gold star of their own. This is what they chose. And did you not consider that perhaps the act of gilding your post gave pleasure to the person who gave it?
Sometimes people enjoy giving. They enjoy the thought of doing something nice for someone else, and by this they receive some happiness of their own. Maybe they enjoyed giving a gift more than they would have enjoyed the decadent and selfish pleasure of an ice cream, or whatever else. Now, if your position is that someone should have the right to choose how to spend any / all of their own hard-earned money, what is wrong with the person choosing to give it away, if that's what makes them happy?
ViridianCovenant ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:19:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually if we were following the book's real metaphors then it would be politely explaining to whiny capitalist babies that just because something looks gross (green being associated with rot), the actual quality of the content cannot be judged from a single quality. Sure, that looks unappetizing because you associate its color (red, I guess?) with something terrible (like Stalin's entire rule), but that doesn't mean the underlying thesis is bad, and if you would stop crying about it you'd find that these commie eggs are fucking delicious. Naturally it's skipping over the important discourse because you're a child and the more complex concepts are way above your current ability to process, but hopefully it will get you to try something that is ultimately wholesome and delightful. :-)
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which page of the book would Sam end up in a labor camp?
MiddleNI ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:32:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the same one where he works himself to death before being blown up by a U.S. drone strike cause his farm had oil underneath it.
Baltowolf ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 04:18:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And I'm sure you can provide abundant evidence for that right? Surely he wasn't a member of a radical terrorist organization I'm sure.
MiddleNI ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:21:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah yes, because our vetting policy for drone strikes is so thorough that we would never hit innocent civilians.
[deleted] ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:32:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Baltowolf ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:17:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY. Ignorant shill.
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
aqouta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're aware there's are statist communists? The left has branching ideas on this. The anarcho communist ideal is utopian monsense.
Lemon_Robot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll pick two!
Wait, what do you mean my middle school history class wasn't totally accurate? I can't do that? I know a communism when I see it!
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:04:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean the government can have the ideology communism, but not the communist economy.
ComradeVladislav ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What?
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:49:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sweat shops are more of a poor country's problem than a capitalist or communist country's problem.
Though for feudalism it's kind of assumed that you're in a sweatshop.
MemeMeUpFamilia ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:49:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poor countries ARE capitalist. Most countries are capitalist.
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
China, Laos, Vietnam, and Cuba are self identified socialist states, and there are plenty of sorta kinda socialist states out there too. China the country is pretty rich, but it's people aren't, and the workforce is mostly in sweatshop. Most countries are poor, most countries are capitalist, but all communist countries are almost entirely poor.
ComradeVladislav ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:03:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
China calls itself communist but, seeing as how the workers sure as hell don't own the means of production...
I'm sure Vietnam and company are a similar case.
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:14:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So we haven't had a case of actual communism since Krondstadt and Makhno?
ComradeVladislav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:28:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If "Krondstadt" and "Makhno" were stateless, classless, moneyless socialist societies.
alexmikli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:40:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About as close as you could get in history before they were overrun by the Bolsheviks and imprisoned.
ViridianCovenant ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:42:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
None of them, ya silly! Like I said in a children's book you wouldn't touch advanced topics that you, the reader, aren't ready to process, such as why labor camps exist and how they go against most branches of communist praxis.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Hannibal_Barker ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you're right, we should collectivize private property, thanks for your solidarity!
WirelessElk ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:34:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, Rojava is a total police state. Revolutionary Catalonia was just bursting at the fucking seams with labor camps.
wasmic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rojava hasn't and Chile under Allende hadn't.
Zespys ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 03:58:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like condescending someone to persuade them of communism. The irony
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:18:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism works on paper.
That's about all I remember from social studies.
Therefore communism is good.
djb85511 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:37:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spoken like a true capitalist pig!
aqf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes making a random internet stranger uncomfortable is its own reward. (No, it wasn't me)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:22:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's better.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found the elite hacker known as 4chan!
CANOODLING_SOCIOPATH ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:37:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism is not wealth redistribution.
mtndewaddict ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Point to a stateless society or you're the one making up fantasies.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:02:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ignoring the medieval ones, the two I can think of is revolutionary catalonia and the ukranian free territories.
Kered13 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:43:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stateless societies are the fantasy.
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I want ice cream
YourLocalMonarchist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now look at what you've done
SomethingWithMittens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:12:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish #notgildingyoubutgiving4buckstomylocalanimalshelterorothercharityinyourname was a thing =)
Edit: or gilding being some sort of store credit for needing people. But then again, redditors are needing and gilding probably keeps the servers up sooooo
andyboy98 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:32:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah teaching that not everything is the way its portrayed to be, and trying new things or experimenting without basis is how we progress and enhance our lives on a societal level and personal. Like in the Resonance and post feudalism. We ignored what was considered wrong by the ruling classes and changed the world for better.
Kered13 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:45:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We already tried socialism. Millions of people died. Then the countries that had been trying socialism tried capitalism (most of them anyways). Poverty rates plummeted.
andyboy98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You say that but we have only had Socialist, Or Socialist countries progressing to communism (USSR) country's with a few people controlling the system. There has been no anarchist governments made which basically direct democracy in your place of business. What is so horrible about people who do the production and service voting in their work environment?
Yes there are many socialist governments that have ended and went back to capitalism. Though how can one thrive when the entirety of Europe, and US are embargoing, and sabotaging too many governments to say all throughout Latin America inspired by Castro. Does a plant die due to lack of sunlight or because it couldn't find light in the closet?
Millions of people died? Yeah man that happened. There were gulags, and starving people, of coarse. Though do you not see whats happening around the world? Annually 8 million people die of dehydration, 7.6 mil due to hunger, 3 mil vaccine preventable diseases. 20 million a year, and 100 million every 5, yet 'communism has killed 100 million' shit thats a fuckin compliment.
All those dead because they didn't make enough money... Fucking all of Africa is a poster child for how capitalism has failed, and allocates all wealth to a few people. We live in the 21 century with supercomputers, and robots ever exceedingly taking work. We have in the US with higher GDP's than countries, but the liability of a person. Yet workers incomes have stagnated for fifty years and decreased.
Wheres the socialist country that is supposed to be able to prevail over the restrictions of the world capitalist system, and Compete on par with a first world country? All of them are from the third world with low development. Russia, and china are the most powerful ones to do so, and look at their positions as world powers. second, and third. Then they are strained, and toppled by the first world, and become oligarchies for having developed so much without a few people keeping the profit.
candre23 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:12:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it's not wrong. Communism has never worked in practice - it's a lovely ideal that is always let down by human nature. Capitalism is a horrible ideal, which is why checks and protections are (usually) built into capitalist systems, which allows it to work in practice.
We won't see a successful communist system until we invent pragmatic communists.
grifkiller64 ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 03:42:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marx just got rekt.
GMY0da ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice one, checksum
Automaticmann ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:58:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
uhm... Utopia?
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:17:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shit meme
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:25:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even worse meme
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:33:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You do realize that communism isn't some system to be established right? It's the movement that results in the abolition of capitalism.
In other words, communism only comes about once the productive relations of capitalism are abolished, just like capitalism didn't exist until the productive forces of feudalism were abolished.
Also, communist government is an oxymoron. Communism is stateless.
marknutter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's all a fantasy. It's Schroeder's political systemโas soon as you try to criticize it, it changes into something else.
[deleted] ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 03:36:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:41:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Compeling argument! Consider the following, though:
๐
weirddodgestratus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:20:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐
Lukethehedgehog ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:21:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't even trying to present an argument? I mean, it's not like you had an argument to begin with lmao
ma2016 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:23:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 03:24:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๏ผฅ๏ผค๏ผง๏ผน
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:35:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:41:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:59:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:02:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:04:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:12:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:13:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:17:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:29:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:44:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is your mind on ideology
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:55:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That has nothing to do with capitalism, more so with mechanization and increases in efficiency. If anything, people are being lifted out of poverty in spite of capitalism, not because of it.
Also, this is how I can tell you barely give a shit. I told you 3 posts ago communist countries don't exist.
Also,
EDIT:
Don't even need statisics to know that's bullshit
The fuck does that have to do with anything?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:03:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐๐
Right, it couldn't possibly be that their economic problems are caused by other countries trying to crush them until they crack and end up having to adopt neoliberal reforms
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lukethehedgehog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A feudal lord could have said the exact same thing about capitalism, I fail to see how that can be considered a compeling argument against something that hasn't come about yet.
But I have some pretty good texts someone like you could read to understand why communism would improve living standards. I won't list them because I know you won't read them, since you seem to be unable to read 2 paragraphs of a reddit comment.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MortalShadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Said a feudal lord.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:51:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:54:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:30:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:43:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:46:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:59:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:05:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rcamposrd ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:27:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Communism is an absolute success. So successful that it literally make everyone under it (except the party) equally miserable. To each his same size daily portion of misery.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:35:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
WirelessElk ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:37:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the fact that there are more vacant homes than there are homeless people in the U.S. But you know, capitalism is the most efficient system for distributing resources or something like that
marknutter ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:08:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why don't you redistribute some of your own resources and provide homes to the homeless? Be the change you want to see in the world!
marknutter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks to capitalism.
Baltowolf ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 04:03:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or more likely the protagonist tries it and finds out that it isn't too popular with the people in practice and they want to go back to freedom but find out there is no such thing as the commies resort to authoritarianism to maintain control over the people in the name of protecting the "workers". At least that's what always happened and always will anyway.
Hannibal_Barker ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree, we should end the appropriation of surplus value by capitalists, I'm glad you brought this up.
marknutter ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, remove all incentives for people to invest in new and risky business ventures. Brilliant. Congratulations, you have now reached the level of economic neophyte!
SirPrice ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:48:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
New and risky bussiness ventures such as railroads, steel production, ship building, agricultural innovation, technology such as GPS an touchscreens? You mean government investment? The only market player to do so before companies where such behemoths as they are now? Even now companies minimize investment because they are risky an would devalue stock.
Hannibal_Barker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
surprisingly, you might find there are alternative economic structures that don't need private investment!
Lukethehedgehog ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:05:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
try harder
alexmikli ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am implying just that.
Lukethehedgehog ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:45:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then you're wrong, as not even Marx believed that.
Schnort ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 03:41:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he finds out there's no green eggs or ham, anyways.
TheVegetaMonologues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no eggs and no ham period.
[deleted] ยท 192 points ยท Posted at 03:02:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Iamnothereorthere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OR ELSE
Emblematic_ ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:41:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...I feel like this is Green Eggs And Ham by Ayn Rand.
AntiPrompt ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:50:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's fitting how the communist one scans and this one doesn't
SEPPUCR0W ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:01:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But how does the book end?
CommanderPaprika ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 03:05:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sam I Am causes him to realize the bourgeoisie has been taking advantage of his economic situation and forced propaganda into his mind from birth and he joins Sam in throwing the elite of Whoville into the nearest Gulag.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aw, so it's happy.
KanyeFellOffAfterWTT ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:09:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brings a tear to my eye :')
ascetic_lynx ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:04:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say!
I do like communist sparks!
I do like them, Mr. Marx!
I would try it in Japan
I would try it with my nan!
Luigimario280 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd try in the USSR
Red everywhere, near and far
Red in China and NK
Oh, wait? What's that you say?
All have failed? Oh, I see.
[COMMENT CENSORED BY KGB]
Baltowolf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol even the last one kind of rhymes.
goldstarstickergiver ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2+2=5
ma2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's the thing...
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would he write that about himself?
da5id2701 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:50:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read green eggs and ham? The main character starts off skeptical and has a change of heart at the end.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:31:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I work all day on collective farm
Else KGB threatens me with harm
My blood, my sweat, this endless toil
"For the good of all" I work this soil
No eggs, no ham, for many years
My children starve, my wife in tears
I live now only on stale bread and water
I dare not complain, or off to the slaughter
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lines, they stretch, long out of the store
The Party says "wait, but 5 years more"
A Glorious Future awaits us all
But production has slowed to a crawl
The fields lay empty, the tractors broken
My true thoughts of this, the stay unspoken
For as a traitor the will drag me away
If truer words my lips do say
Loborin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:41:55 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love it but it bugs me because your "It will not work" lines are missing a syllable to fit the original flow.
I suggest altering with "It will not work down by the sea, it will not work up in a tree, it will not work out in the rain it will not work out on the plain.
spikebrennan ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:33:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Workers, workers! Use your brains!
Nothing to lose but your chains!
lMYMl ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:38:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is more The Capital by Dr Seuss than Green Eggs and Ham by Marx.
maclincheese ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:52:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read this aloud. Summoned Karl Marx into my apartment.
David_the_Wavid ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:45:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So...a single comment can get 17k upvotes. TIL
LJW109 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:14:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will not work in this regime
Until we all can work for free!
Come join our big red family,
Shed your oppression bourgeoisie!
telosinfinity ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:03:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's shooting for gold.
thhn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:42:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's about to be May Day too!
Till9 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this a Communist Manifesto by Dr. Seuss?
red_sky33 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:56:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reads much more like a communist manifesto by Dr. Seuss, which I propose would be just as good
Space-Robot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems more like the Communist Manifesto by Dr. Seuss
exterstellar ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:36:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
more like Communist Manifesto by Dr. Seuss?
adsalazar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence: I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.
BlueCharizardWhy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You deserve all the great things in life. Lulz take a bow
AbeLincolnsFreckles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do not like these green proteins
I do not like them, seize the means
Casper9300 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this, but I think it's backwards
sabersquirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that green eggs by Marx, or the Communist Manifesto by Seuss?
Higlac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:06:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have to ask, is this you?
Wheres_The_Whiskey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is indeed the inspiration for my username.
Higlac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
Definetelynottom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:17:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meowth, that's right!
SolidThoriumPyroshar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:41:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kind of sounds like a Lantern oath.
brainfreeze91 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:20:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively, Dr. Suess' Manifesto. He was a political cartoonist after all.
[deleted] ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:16:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
rainvest ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:23:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The breakfasts which constitute our means of subsistence are not significantly altered by their mode of consumption, its unit being a single serving of eggs and ham. Having judged, by means of our fancy, the properties of each edible object outside of us, we form a desire for or against the acquisition of this thing as commodity, whether it be green and undesireable, or so on. The capitalist, however, relying upon a dependency of the consumer in order to accumulate wealth for himself, will cast the commodity in different settings, such as in box or with a fox, in order to convince the consumer the thing has an exchange value beyond its properties which satisfy or fail to satisfy him. These properties have no existence apart from that commodity, while the exchange value creates a depository of wealth beyond the use value of the thing, meaningless to one aware of his material interaction with commodity and insistent in his qualification of desire for say, green eggs and ham. However, within an authentic mode of consumption in which even a commodity's false exchange value, along with its insistent and self-referential bourgeois purveyor, is ignored in order to appreciate the thing's usefulness, one can utilize the the properties of a morning consumable having recalibrated one's relation to its material properties.
TGans ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just read Das Kapital and replace linen with green eggs and coat with ham.
Kody02 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a similar vain: Nabokov does Cat in the Hat.
JojenCopyPaste ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I sure hope sprog shows up.
smokesinquantity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham: a steven king novel
FormerTesseractPilot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone did a biographic porno version on another thread earlier today. Was pretty good. I'll try to find it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:05:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red eggs and ham
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:59:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You gave my boyfriend an asthma attack that was triggered by intense laughter he experienced after I read this to him.
Catacomb82 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, I'm glad I decided to post that comment just for this. As long as your boyfriend is okay now.
okaykafka ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm: I'm not dead.
RanDomino5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:52:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[citation needed]
okaykafka ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 21:02:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Citation of what? That I'm her boyfriend or not dead. I'm like 80% sure I'm not dead.
RanDomino5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:19:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd get a second opinion.
imperial87 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:59:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...100 million dead later.
"Well green eggs and ham is a good idea in theory."
jjbutts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Yurtle the Turtle is close.
rangusroon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You made me think... Flash boys by Karl Marx.
Bjamminnn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Capital by Dr. Seuss would be better
Lawschoolfool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rather read the David Foster Wallace version
svoodie2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ham here acts as the universal equivalent. We assume that 6 hams equals 12 green eggs which equals 2 blue banjos which in turn equals all other commodities in the market. Ham has taken on the money form.
E101K ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A spectre is haunting breakfast. The spectre of Lime.
brucethehoon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Manifesto of the Communist Party by Groucho Marx
redditname01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spoilers: Nothing changes.
not_shadowbanned_yet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no eggs or ham due to food shortages
TheVegetaMonologues ยท -14 points ยท Posted at 03:59:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It did not work for the Ukraine.
It did not work in Southern Spain.
It did not work for Ceausescu.
It will not work for me and you!"
"It did not work in PRC!
It did not work in North Koree!
It did not work in Viet Nam!
It will not work here, Sam-I-Am!"
benevolinsolence ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 04:09:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Co-author: The CIA
marknutter ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 12:10:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice conspiracy theory, bro
MemeMeUpFamilia ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 20:54:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a conspiracy when the CIA even admits to overthrowing democracies and replacing them with right wing dictatorships to stop communism
marknutter ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 22:50:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's different than making communism fail once it's established. It does a good enough job of that on its own.
aqouta ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 12:44:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The edgy internet communists are out in full force it seems.
Snedwardthe18th ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the distinction between "edgy internet communists" and just regular, real life communists?
aqouta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mostly actual understanding of leftist theory beyond having had the manifesto described to them by their illiterate zealot friend.
aqouta ยท -13 points ยท Posted at 04:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl marx was not really a gifted author. He had some incredible and depthful critiques but anyone who has read Kapital would not want to read anything else he wrote unless it was incredibly meaningful.
bort-thrillho ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:59:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with sober senses, his real conditions of life, and his relations with his kind." I think this was a good line of his.
SchlitzGivesMeShitz ยท 772 points ยท Posted at 02:20:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker covering The Ender's Game with his own fantasy elements and deep elaborations thrown in.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 163 points ยท Posted at 02:26:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's amazing.
Unrelated, but I'm curious about your r/username. Schlitz the beer?
SchlitzGivesMeShitz ยท 198 points ยท Posted at 02:28:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, indeed. Cheap malt liquor and beer shits drove me to create this username years ago.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:31:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a bar in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, named Schlitz and Giggles, I've been there a few times, they make decent pizza, but it was guaranteed to give you the shits, but I thought 'really doubt redditor is referring to the pizza'.
SchlitzGivesMeShitz ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:44:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol. I'll have to check it out if I ever go there. Some bars actually have the best food. There's one in Clemson, SC called Nick's that actually has the best Reuben sandwich I've ever had.
That is an awesome name for a bar too. Thanks for letting me know about it. That's on my list of places to go now.
BenjaminGeiger ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:59:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Here, have some pretzels" "No, I'll call it quits
Those things give me the Schlitz."
โ DVDA, "The Beer Song"
SchlitzGivesMeShitz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:39:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks. Now I've got "Now You're a Man" stuck in my head.
gorka_la_pork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:21:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know how when you're a kid and someone tells you something that you just assume is true until way past the point you should have known better? For the longest time until just now, I thought Adam Sandler had sung that song.
BenjaminGeiger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't Weird Al sing every parody ever made?
whitetoken1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a while the name in my iphone was Sergeant Schlitz so I feel ya
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
Reginald_Waterbucket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nothing like a case of the DADS to inspire a memorable username.
laeiryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brought this to mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzcEG_JoVuo
greyjackal ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:07:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PSA for those who think Clive Barker is all horror (which you would be forgiven for, given The Hellbound Heart - aka Hellraiser - and his short story compilations)...check out Imajica or Weaveworld. Utterly brilliant fantasy. And not of the sword and sorcery type.
Dostoevshmee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:19:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also The Great and Secret Show is so good. He's in my top 5 all time writers.
MarinertheRaccoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:17:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imajica truly deserves the multi-movie Lord of the Rings treatment. There is so much going on in that book!
TheOtherSon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would be the best introduction to Clive Barker for someone who never read his works, horror or not?
Betamaletim ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<3 Abarat. Would love to see his artwork for Enders Game.
Bearsandgravy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:13:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are only the third person I've known that has read and loved Abarat. Thank you
FreelanceScoundrel ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:14:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are dozens of us! Dozens!
Bearsandgravy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:08:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! I had some nightmares about being chased by that checkerboard man
Betamaletim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eragon got me to be okay with reading, but Abarat made me love it. That whole series is absolutely incredible.
I sadly hope it does not get made into a movie or show as without a shadow of a doubt believe anyone could bring that book to life more then the artwork Clive did. I just can't imagine it could hold the magic that the book and art had paired together.
Here is hoping Kry Landing doesn't take much more time to come out.
Bearsandgravy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:48:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna go buy the series cause they got ruined by water the first time around. I had the most vivid dreams when reading that book.
Betamaletim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:39:02 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should have given mama Isabella more respect. Also, vivid daydreams of blue wavy lines are totally okay as long as you can get to the lighthouse.
Bearsandgravy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:40 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wore a lot of red lol
coolkid1717 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:52:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Stephen Baxter rewriting Enders Game. It would be very technical. It would be great, he'd explain how all of their technology works using real physics.
BenjaminGeiger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:02:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather see /u/PRothfuss do it.
As soon as the Kingkiller Chronicles are finished, of course.
blackcoffiend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:32:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have never read any Clive Barker, what would you recommend?
SchlitzGivesMeShitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want a good novella to start off with and you enjoy reading macabre, I highly recommend "The Hellbound Heart." It's just a totally messed up love story that ended up becoming the Hellraiser movies.
If you want a great fantasy novel, Imajica is the perfect place to start. It's a really long read, but it's so good.
His short horror stories are also really good. You can get that collection in "Books of Blood."
He's a really quirky author, but he knows his craft with the different genres he's written over the years.
Abarat is a great fantasy series that's aimed towards young adults. He has also authored and did paintings for a children's book.
blackcoffiend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
That_Deus_Ex_Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:35 on July 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Thief of Always is my favourite. It's slightly aimed at children, but it's very dark, doesn't waste any time and lots of fun.
Guimauvaise ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first thought for this question was Clive Barker's Alice in Wonderland.
SchlitzGivesMeShitz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a really good one. I was thinking of the sequel, Through the Looking Glass, would be moreso up his alley. It has a darker tone and is more up Clive's alley.
yshuduno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the subject of Orson Scott Card, have him cover And The Band Played On.
Enders-game ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be... interesting.
Scutterbotch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya, that would be something to read, that would.
Th0r_SC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need this because of reasons.
unneccesary_pedant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaker for the Cenobites
LeftyDan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would it be called Warhammer 40k?
mochi_chan ยท 11178 points ยท Posted at 01:51:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams 1984.
Edit: Thanks for my first gold, who would have thought this would blow up like that.
Edit2: I think I know what I will be doing tonight, watching Terry Gilliam's "Brazil"
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 774 points ยท Posted at 04:12:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith wondered why clocks would even strike thirteen in the first place. He had remembered all the clocks in his childhood being twelve-hour clocks, and they served him just fine. Many of the Party's greatest minds were said to have spent a great deal of time mulling over the necessity of clocks that strike thirteen, though the rest of Oceania never got an answer. Most of those minds had a nasty habit of vanishing in the middle of the night along with their bodies.
Not letting his thoughts on unusual chronography distract him, Winston slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him. The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats, which, for an entire country that seemed to smell like such, was a notable commendation. At one end of it a coloured poster, too large for indoor display, had been tacked to the wall. It depicted simply an enormous face, more than a metre wide: the face of a man of about forty-five, with a heavy black moustache and ruggedly handsome features.
Winston made for the stairs. It was no use trying the lift. Even at the best of times it was seldom working, and at present the electric current was cut off during daylight hours. It was part of the economy drive in preparation for Hate Week. If the intent was to develop hatred toward the use of stairs, the Party was performing admirably as usual.
The flat was seven flights up, and Winston, who was thirty-nine and had a varicose ulcer above his right ankle, went slowly, resting several times on the way. On each landing, opposite the lift-shaft, the poster with the enormous face gazed from the wall. It was one of those pictures which are so contrived that the eyes follow you about when you move. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, the caption beneath it ran in large, unfriendly letters."
IAmTheWaller67 ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 06:57:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone else just reworked Hitchhikers quotes to be about 1984, you actually made some good effort. This was great lol.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 11:08:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It reads so much better because it reads like Adams, not like Hitchhiker's Guide. It reminds me of a Dirk Gently novel.
mochi_chan ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:07:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this really hits the nail on the head. I love it.
shhhushnow ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 08:28:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I so want to upvote this but it has 42 upvotes and that's too perfect to change!
jb2386 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 13:41:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just help make it 420 :)
Mordecai4d ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:18:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your writing took me back to my childhood filled by dirk gently and hitchhikers
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:32:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful job. I love 1984 and Adams, and now I want to read both again.
merlinmonad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:56:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty spot on.
frydchiken333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you
TheEngy_ ยท 1689 points ยท Posted at 02:57:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, Terry Gilliam's Brazil?
toddhowardshrine ยท 378 points ยท Posted at 03:13:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the greatest movie no one I know has ever seen or heard of for whatever reason.
mindbleach ยท 107 points ยท Posted at 03:34:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Universal did everything possible to fuck up the American distribution. They spent ages trying to edit in a happy ending - after all the critics had seen the director's cut at festivals and private showings. People starting asking if an unreleased film could win an Oscar.
mister_atoms ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 05:02:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe the "Love Conquers All" edition was the work of Sid Sheinberg, who also tried to change Back To The Future to Space Man From Pluto.
mindbleach ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:11:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Should've saved that change-the-name memo for John Carter.
DuplexFields ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:28:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean "Virginia Saves The White Woman"?
[deleted] ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:50:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
farthingescape ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:28:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It may ease your mind to know that the happy version wasn't shown in theaters. It was aired a few times by KTLA in Los Angeles.
BDMayhem ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 03:23:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need to meet some new people. People who get Brazil are cool.
toddhowardshrine ยท 32 points ยท Posted at 03:26:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correction: I do know people who know it. 2. My dad, who introduced me to it, and the 60 year old man who is a regular at a restaurant I'm a server at.
nessbound ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:37:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brazil is absolutely one of the best films. Not nearly as good, but Jude Law was in a movie around 7 or 8 years ago where he was a loan shark for organs and it has some nods to Brazil. Repo Men, I think it was called
vaelroth ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:40:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's no way Repo-Men is only 7 or 8 years old, is it?
*goes to look it up*
Ah, confused it with Repo Man*. Also a very good film.
Kinky_Tinker ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:55:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be confused with Repo: The Genetic Opera
https://youtu.be/R7AjlT406_s
lovetron99 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be confused with Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins.
FraggedFoundry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:43:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Yak, you're incredible!" // "No! I am better than that!"
jtr99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:26:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unarmed and dangerous!
poorlyObfuscated ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:12:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You eat a lot of acid, Miller? Back in the hippie days?
trenchknife ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Repo Man is also a badly under-appreciated movie with an awesome soundtrack.
thelingeringlead ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really enjoyed Repo-Men. Lots of nods to a lot of great films. Especially Old Boy and Brazil.
nessbound ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:17:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, I never realized the Old Boy reference. Just saw a scene dubbed "best scene" and the hallway looks exactly like the one shot scene hallway. Is it just a nod or is it the actual location? I'll Google it if you don't know off the top of your head, but I prefer human interaction to always asking google
MystikGohan ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:33:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder who you are in the real world. There's something about reddit you read thousands of comment threads daily and never stop to think of them as individuals.
SpaceClef ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:35:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone on reddit is a bot except me.
nessbound ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:09:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only on really niche subs do I really see people as individuals and even then, I only individualize them based on the things they're saying and never imagine who they are or what they do in life. I would love to know what everyone's life is like, but I think if I had that power I would never do anything with my own life other than observe everyone else's. I mean.. In the sense that all I really do is play video games all the time, I guess I kind of already do this? (Existential dread sitting in)
Fontaine42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should start writing
Hamsandpeaches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i can't wait until I'm a ghost and can just look in people's houses all day
thelingeringlead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:44:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty straight up a copy of the scene. They're not in the same location, though. It's a single shot, in a hallway with a claw hammer. The enemies use different weapons, there are way fewer of them, and it's not nearly as long of a fight....but otherwise it's a pretty honest homage.
FasterDoudle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:16:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're both going to be sets for a shot like that
Bears_Bearing_Arms ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:47:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love the movie, but I don't know if I get it or not.
grubas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:05:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty much par for the course when he gets let loose. Time Bandits?
Tangowolf ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:25:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Time Bandits was brilliant. I remember the first time I saw God in that movie; freaked me the hell out.
RETURN!!!!!! RETURN WHAT YOU HAVE STOLEN FROM ME!!!!! NNNNNNOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!
And Evil had such great lines.
"If I were creating the world, I wouldn't have started with butterflies and daffodils! I would have started with LASERS! EIGHT O'CLOCK! DAY ONE!"
zzzap
"Sorry."
amaxen ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watch it again. Pay particular notice of what "Information Extraction" means. Edit. Also, it took me a couple of watches to understand what the basic plot was. The first time was an exercise in surrealism, but if you watch it a few times the plot snaps into place.
CosmicX1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:59:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to meet more people too! Some of them haven't even seen Brazil OR Time Bandits! What a disgrace!
jaytrade21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it in theaters and was very traumatized as a kid...Same with Time Bandits...I have a feeling Terry Gilliam was not happy that he shaped my sense of humor so he is trying to destroy me...
Ged_UK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Usually in my top 5 movies.
Rundeep ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brazil is brilliant. Along with The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, it's a great rainy Saturday film fest.
trancendominant ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:55:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I watched either Baron Munchousen or Time Bandits every weekend when I was a kid.
Summerie ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:54:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot Baron Munchausen existed! I think in my head I morphed it into part of Time Bandits.
toddhowardshrine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never heard of the other one you mentioned, will have to google it!
Septagonal777 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:03:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
8/10 stars on IMDB and Ive never seen it? Watching this tonight.
Crespyl ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's very Gilliam. I love it.
treeof ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:51:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solely due to your unsolicited recommendation I will watch it tonight.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We want to hear your reaction to it :)
treeof ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 20:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was brilliant, oddly timely, and super weird. I'm going to watch it again when I have eaten almost too many mushrooms. It almost felt like waking up in a dream composed by Salvatore Dali. But slightly more coherent, yet equally terrifying.
ChezeSammy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:01:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a laugh, as is How to get Ahead in Advertising.
Kugelblitz60 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:37:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Boooooooil!"
baconforged ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:12:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only movie me and my good friend ever disagreed on. He now admits he was wrong, it is in fact brilliant.
WonFriendsWithSalad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:52:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's my favourite film but it was a bit too much for my housemates. I think eventually they'll cave and watch it again and realise its true brilliance.
sininspira ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:17:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only saw it because of an assignment in my Aesthetics of Film class. I don't regret taking that class one bit...finally made me watch Pan's Labyrinth and Eternal Sunshine as well.
R_M80 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:45:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be interested in your viewing list for that class, if you've got the time!
sininspira ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:53:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooookay, compiled a list. 'Required' were films required to complete assignments for the week, 'Recommended' were films technically assigned to us to watch, but not necessary to complete assignments, and 'Mentions' are films mentioned in reading materials that exhibited something from the topic of the week.
Week 1: Classics
Required: * Casablanca
Reccomended: * 12 Angry Men * Citizen Kane
Mentions: * Dr. Strangelove
Week 2: Color Theory
Reccomended: * Hero
Choice Pool for Assignment (One was required): * Amelie * Brotherhood Of The Wolf * Curse Of The Golden Flower * The Fountain * Pan's Labrynth * Black Swan * Her * The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, And Her Lover * Melancholia * The Fall
Mentions: * BlackHawk Down * O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Week 3: Design (Creature, Costume, Set):
Required: * Brazil
Mentions: * The Fifth Element
Week 4: Acting
Required: * Saving Private Ryan
Recommended: * Gangs of New York
Week 5: Cinematography
Required: * Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Choice Pool for Assignment (One was required): * The Fountain * The New World * Children Of Men * A Clockwork Orange * Pan's Labyrinth * The Hurt Locker * Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Week 6: Sound
Recommended: * The New World
Mentions: * Jaws * Psycho * The Fifth Element * Last of the Mohicans
Week 7: "Best Picture" Awards Criteria
Choice from AFI Top 100 list.
Edit: Didn't format how I intended but it still works i guess lol
R_M80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:05 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yesss! I've got some movies to watch! Thank you!
sininspira ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:06:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I may still have access to the class on blackboard. I'll check tomorrow though, I really need to go to bed lol.
Doyle524 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:05:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Del Toro is a genius. The Orphanage is his second best film IMO behind Pan's Labyrinth. Watch it if you haven't!
sininspira ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until I looked it up I thought you were talking about that other movie with the little girl that turns out to be a 30-year-old little person. I'll definitely put it on my watch list though, thanks!
boinger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:26:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think I know anyone my age who hasn't see. It.
I'm going to guess you're either under 25 or over 65.
toddhowardshrine ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:34:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 20.
boinger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give your friends time. It's not as high up on the classic movie hit list as, like, A Clockwork Orange or Apocalypse Now or The Exorcist.
indexbill ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:46:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seem cool.
Namagem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm exactly 25 and I haven't seen it. Guess I know what the next movie I'm watching is.
frimpleMcGimpsuit ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 06:09:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm 25 and I actually introduced the film to the undergraduate advisor at my school who was well between the ages of 25 and 65. I don't doubt many people my age couldn't give less of a shit about that film but I hardly think being 20 years older guarantees limitless knowledge either.
In fact, I've actually come to a realization recently that it's better to hold a low opinion of most people until they've proven otherwise, it's a healthier way to live.
toddhowardshrine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:12:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My French professor had never heard of Delicatessen, despite putting film at the forefront of the course. It happens.
frimpleMcGimpsuit ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:35:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Word, I'm a huge fan of Melville, Le Samurai is the shit.
A lot of people don't want to pursue knowledge, they want complacency and hedonism which I don't blame them for but disagree with for my own reasons.
I tried to get my Intro to film professor to play Electra Glide in Blue 'cause he was a motorcycle aficionado, he told me he knew of it from film classes but had never actually seen it, we ended up watching Moonstruck with Cher instead, talk about disappointing.
PractiTac ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:05:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I watched Brazil again a couple years ago and couldn't believe how relevant it still is today.
PyrocumulusLightning ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:26:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really is. Gilliam's a prophet.
amaxen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:20:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What blows my mind is I saw it like 20 years ago and I thought the themes were fantastical - I mean, torture being used by a western government? Pshaw!
thhn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WIRED used to have 27b/6 https://www.wired.com/2007/04/27b_stroke_6_is/ โฆ Also introduce it to people yourself, enthusiasm is contagious!
almightySapling ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody has ever heard it but it's on like every list of movies people should see.
SolicitorExpliciter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:29:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, such a good film. Always happy to show it to someone new.
Incidentally: For a long time I thought the climatic dream-logic scene where Tuttle meets his end literally consumed by paperwork was just Gilliam being random. Then recently I saw Black Orpheus, and it turns out that I now understand Brazil so much better.
Slip_Freudian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, hey, at least you know us.
Carnivile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My friends know it because of Adventure Time, and that's awesome.
iLEZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I watched it with closed captioning, and "Sam whimpers" was practically burned into my screen when it was over. Huge fan of Terry, but Brazil never stuck with me. Huge fan of Adams too.
Thereminz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
adam savage talked about it on tested a few times
it is a pretty good movie
Getoutabed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm honestly surprised...or you are in your 20's
Esmesqualor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I somehow know of it because of an Arcade Fire song
koick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best Christmas movie ever!
7LeagueBoots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? I think almost everyone I know, other than maybe some folks in their very early 20s, has seen it, usually numerous times.
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/Criterion knows about it and loves it!!!
WMSA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only know of it because de Niro is in it
Subalpine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you need to hang out with different people
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to have Brazil, time bandits, the crow (fire it up) Baron Munchausen all on repeat for sleep. I know the crow isnt terry Gilliam but I love everything he does, atleast that ive seen
Vkmies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh, we hang out in different crowds. I always thought Brazil was an internationally renown classic that everyone is required to love.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just need better friends, it's not that obscure.
Redhavok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Zappas favorite film
Enders-game ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:11:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, Terry Gillingham is a mad man.
The_Antlion ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:33:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it like three hours long? That'd explain its lack of spread
Fearlessleader85 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:52:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But, how the fuck did Robert dinero get in that movie? I mean? How?
hmmmpf ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:42:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved this flick. Then I rewatched it recently, and it hit way too close to home.
_Search_ ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
nah, it's cheesy.
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 05:01:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You sound like every Redditor ever
lichkang ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 04:14:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
its great but it fails in that its premise against big gov, is too outdated as a core concept. Like 1984 verus farenheight
mindbleach ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:23:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, nailed it. Right down to the Monty Python connection: Terry Jones wrote Douglas Adams's Starship Titanic.
Geometer_John ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:28:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which, tbh, wasn't as spectacular as it could have been. Just too short.
mindbleach ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:36:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, it wasn't the best novel Adams didn't write.
WhyToAWar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment.
beardedchimp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:06:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you ever play the game? It was bloody hard, it seemed to polarise reviewers but I loved it.
Geometer_John ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:17:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't aware of it, I'll have to check it out.
Then again, I managed to find a copy of the HGTG text game for my phone, which is brilliant. It's very dedicated to killing you.
orionsbelt05 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:21 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't aware that it was a book until now. I thought it was just a game. Great game, though. Among the most memorable from my childhood.
Toodlez ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:05:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spot on
Kiriesh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:37:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaaa
blackpes0 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just came to say I love this film, and it comes second to none. I love thx1138 and dark city if anyone wants niche dystopian movie suggestions.
PyrocumulusLightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love Dark City. I think seeing it too young imprinted me on Mr. Hand. It didn't end well . . .
TwirlySocrates ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My thoughts exactly
CeleryStore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:08:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
such a ripoff of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still remember the first time I saw it in my early 20s - had never seen anything like it and remember getting to the end. It took me a couple of days to process it and come to terms with what it had taught me. Gilliam's finest.
Lumpensamler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:48:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I read this, I thought "Yes! This would have been great!", than I saw your reply and thought "Genius, you nailed it!" and I thought "dam, I know this movie already".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it possible to retire a comment? Spot on.
barbecue_invader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just saw this last night and thought exactly the same thing!
graham6942 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nail, meet head.
DoctorSingh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was so great. I actually remember thinking about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy a few times while watching it.
mistercynical1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Replying to this as a reminder to watch this movie.
bluvelvetunderground ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry. I'm a bit of a stickler for paperwork.
SphinxFucker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any good?
EveryGoodNameIsGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:02:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very good.
take_this_username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The book I'm reading just now mentioned De Niro's role in Brazil.
Definitely watching it tonight then :)
randomupsman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:42:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You will not be disappointed!
examinedliving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol
TastyBrainMeats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking hate that movie.
It's a masterpiece, though.
TheEngy_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:24:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'm in the same boat.
I love the quality of the film, but it's just too depressingly believable.
Demonweed ยท 1451 points ยท Posted at 03:09:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the government is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
lesgeddon ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:57:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the phenomenon repeats exponentially.
JacP123 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:53:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder who was able to figure it out back in January
Xeeroy ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:28:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the more developed countries you could say this is true. Most have moved from an autocratic system to a more democratic form of government.
Both can work well if executed properly by competent people with a common goal.
It's the competent people with the common goal we're always falling short with that makes practically all governments an embarrassment to rational thought.
Lukendless ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:39:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's why an emphasis on education instead of military is so important
i-make-robots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The original quote was universe, not government.
FermiParadox42 ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 04:05:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spot on Adams-esque
Rudi_Van-Disarzio ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 04:33:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because it's almost word for word from Hitchhiker's Guide just replace the word government with universe.
NonaSuomi282 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:33:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably because it's a literal quote from the trilogy with a few key words changed.
blue-footed_buffalo ยท -28 points ยท Posted at 03:49:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
......Is this a Donald Trump joke? I feel like this is a Donald Trump joke.
Demonweed ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 04:23:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose there is a parallel. I intended it as a comment on 1984's regime that uses nationalist and populist rhetoric to manipulate a population despite actual policies dictated by the whims of elites. The current U.S. administration similarly reverses positions whimsically while trying to manipulate the public with misinformation. Yet they didn't invent this stuff. The establishment he campaigned against also routinely uses misinformation to direct public opinion.
The primary driver of human incarceration, arms purchases, and economic privatization on this Earth is Uncle Sam. You don't get to be an actual evil empire with a bunch of astutely reflective opinion leaders promoting fact-based policy perspective. On the other hand, if you have a superficial media culture obsessed with petty scandal and personality clashes, then the real conduct of your government can be pretty much whatever the elites want. Now, I suppose 1984 is different because of universal domestic surveillance . . . wait, I suppose not really.
skunk_funk ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:12:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thought police were seemingly clinically insane. Can't say the same for our elites. Mostly.
Demonweed ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The War on Drugs, not to mention so much blood spilled as an alternative to peacefully arguing against Marxism, would beg to differ. See also "all in" energy policy, insurance-based health care, and our socialized risks/privatized rewards system of investment banking for more current examples of what those elites largely support before judging them sane.
skunk_funk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:24:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's sane. They're getting exactly what they want. They don't truly believe it's the best for the common good.
Demonweed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:35:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well that's just incompetence then. I suspect it is mostly like religion -- deep down even the loudest evangelists know it's bullshit, but cowardice is a powerful glue that attaches people to our social fabric. Imperialist ideology (adorably dressed up in terms like "liberalism") only seems for the best if you completely fail to cast even the briefest of critical glances its way.
Fight_or_Flight_Club ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:25:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I only read it once and didn't really analyze it much, but what gives you that idea?
Not challenging you, just genuinely curious :)
Edit: because they seemed just very smart and good at what they did, from my perspective
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:27:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
psbwb ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:41:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cognitive dissonance? It's rather common, really, and I don't think it is an indicator of insanity.
Fight_or_Flight_Club ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which ideas were those again? It's been a while
skunk_funk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:21:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O'Brien went pretty crazy with it. Obsessive, and willing to do anything whatsoever. Not to mention the doublethink requirement for all citizens.
Yareaaeray ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, not a joke. It is the new reality.
ascetic_lynx ยท 2161 points ยท Posted at 02:46:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything from Douglas Adams tbh
CraineTwo ยท 1505 points ยท Posted at 02:56:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything?
Douglas Adams: The Dictionary
psyki ยท 1266 points ยท Posted at 02:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have this book! The only word I can remember off the top of my head is Pelutho: A game in which the balls are hit against a wall until the prisoner confesses.
Edit: Pelutho
Edit 2: CORRIEARKLET (n.)
The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognize each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognizing each other the whole length of the corridor.
keytar_gyro ยท 601 points ยท Posted at 03:17:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoeburyness: The vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.
IFenceMyFjord ยท 198 points ยท Posted at 03:39:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fiunary (n): The safe place you put something and then forget where it was.
Mydadcanbeatyourdad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:00:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ร
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 05:12:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
emmett_j ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:30:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what the actual fuck.
super_dork ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:55:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! There's a name for this? My coworker just refers to it as Assmosis. I just sent her a link to this. Awesome.
vu1xVad0 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:20:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha! I think your word Assmosis sounds better and actually kinda describes it too.
armcie ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:44:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The book "The Meaning of Liff" is a collection of genuine British place names, and made up definitions of the words they might mean.
It was Co written with John Lloyd who created the show QI.
Ged_UK ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:14:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FYI, Shoeburyness is a place. Everything in that book is a place that Adams attached a definition to.
nopodcast ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:46:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well, a made up name, yes. its a book full off bullshit, much like the devil's dictionary or any of john hodgeman's work.
Cavhind ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:16:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a made up name - I live 5 miles away from Shoeburyness.
Stranded_In_A_Desert ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:51:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Their needs to be a variation of this that specifically applies to the warmth of a public toilet seat.
TheMusiKid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:58:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like specifically slightly above room temperature?
Stranded_In_A_Desert ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:17:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Specifically that exact warmth of a bum being on it less than 2 min ago. You know the one.
psbwb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somewhere around 98 degrees?
CapitanBanhammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That one can be assmosis from /u/vu1xVad0
tarnkek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also a town in Essex, England
WonFriendsWithSalad ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:49:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Essex has some great names. Fingringhoe always makes me giggle.
somewhat_random ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:49:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upper Shoeburyness is the increased effect caused by the seat involved being a public toilet seat.
jaber-allen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:24:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Named after a place near where Adam's was raised in Essex.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh - going into a bathroom and the toilet seat is warm...
slaaitch ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:40:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Countryside: the eventual death of Piers Morgan.
lofidriveby ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like the balls? shudder
annenrangs ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:19:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahenny: The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves.
DcstuffCo ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:00:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clixby;
One who is politely rude, briskly vague or firmly uninformative. Can often be applied to sports commentators, some politicians and christians.
IAMZEUSALMIGHTY ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:35:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ABILENE (adj.)
Descriptive of the pleasing coolness on the reverse side of the pillow.
Hating_Alison_Ashley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has always been my favourite word in the book :)
IAMZEUSALMIGHTY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:12:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's something no one had a word for yet everyone experienced.
Brickie78 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:30:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are a whole series of ones beginning with Corrie-, concluding with "Corriemuchloch - one who makes a complete bish out of something as simple as walking down a corridor".
There are several words from Liff that have made it into our general vocabulary and we tend to forget that other people don't know them:
GRIMBISTER (n.) - a group of cars on the motorway all travelling at 1mph below the speed limit because one of them is a police car.
AFFPUDDLE (n.) - a puddle which lurks under a loose paving slab and shoots up the leg of anyone stepping on said slab.
DUNTISH (adj.) - mentally incapacitated by a severe hangover.
Edit: Oh and...
fanboat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:49:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Corriearklet reminds me of the one I always remember:
DROITWICH (n.)
I try to use the phrase "as often as unnecessary" where I can.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, I'm sold. What did this guy write some movie or something?
woooden ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:34:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is his most popular work.
ThatIckyGuy ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:42:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a wholly remarkable book.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know, it was a joke because I've heard people generally don't like the movie, and at the very least say it doesn't come close to the book/s(?).
spazturtle ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:44:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And the books aren't that similar to the original radio series.
Criticising the movie for not being like the books is like criticising Disney's Frozen for not being exactly like the original book (The Snow Queen).
The radio series, the books and the movie where all written by Adams and they are different versions of the story.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't comparing the two, I was saying that it seemed people generally don't like the movie, so I was jokingly saying "It's a movie, right?" or whatever I said. I was just being stupid, was meant to be a joke is all. I don't have an opinion because I've never read the book or saw the movie.
spazturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't accusing you of comparing the two, I was referring to the people you say you have heard talk about it.
Fight_or_Flight_Club ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On that topic, where might one find the radio series? I've seen the movie and read all the books at least twice, I'd love to see how he changed it on the radio
FrancisCastiglione12 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the books were a novelization of the radio series. Just to clarify.
I do remember in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Tertiary Phase", (Life, the Universe, and Everything) they say 'fuck' instead of 'belgium'.
HighRelevancy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ
hoopyrj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shoeburyness: the vague uncomfortable feeling you get when sitting on a seat which is still warm from somebody else's bottom.
IllKickYrAssAtUno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds interesting. I just checked my local library catalogue but they don't have it anywhere. Do you think it's worth buying?
psyki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:27:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're a Douglas Adams fan then yes absolutely.
IllKickYrAssAtUno ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:36:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still haven't read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. After I wrote that first post I read more into the discussion and realized it was the same author. I keep meaning to read that but keep forgetting so I just now thanks to this discussion finally put a hold on it at my library. I'm super excited! It just kept slipping through my fingers. Every time I had a chance to read it I'd forget to look for it. So I think I'll read that first and then buy the other one.
psyki ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:51:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you like the first chapter, hell the first few pages, then you're like us and you'll want to read the whole increasingly inaccurately named trilogy (5 books).
IllKickYrAssAtUno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, it's five books!? I thought it was just one. I already have a feeling I'm going to absolutely love
itthem so I'm super excited to find out there are more than I'd thought.psyki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:44:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read them all about a dozen times, Douglas Adams perspective on the world is a truly timeless style of comedy.
Rprzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Pelutho referring to game balls or anatomical balls. Because one seems ridiculous, and the other overly effective
psyki ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In this sense the prisoner's balls are the game balls :(
Rprzes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The darker interpretation. Outstanding.
koew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Araglin was my favourite word. It returns in other words as well.
hraun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rosset: waiting in a cubicle after doing a particularly smelly poo so that people don't wrinkle up their noses when you come out.
BackyardBruce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They hit the prisoner's balls against the wall? Do they they use a racquet?
psyki ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:26:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
According to the book it is actually a stout wooden bat that is used, whacked against a brick wall.
55x25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaaouch
nopodcast ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:51:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so, a cover of a cover! like hallelujah
KingSix_o_Things ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:39:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My personal favourite:
Ely - The feeling that something, somewhere has gone horribly wrong.
Space-Sausage ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:23:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still use Throckmorten (the soul of a departed madman said to inhabit the timing mechanism of popup toasters) in day-to-day life!
flying-sheep ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:08:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thereโs a german translation (with german town names used as words instead of english ones). it features a correspondence (via alternating forewords of imaginary previous editions of the book) between adams and the translator while the latter is slowly losing his mind and starts to incorporate more and more of the bookโs words in his vocabulary.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Abilene - the pleasing coolness found on the reverse side of the pillow.
PM-YOUR-CONFESSIONS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my! I need this book!
Embersinmypits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse me while I purchase everything Adams has wrote in his entire life
flying-sheep ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:09:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
good choice
welamaza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:07:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I first read it as pensioner instead of prisoner. I imagined a bunch of kids kicking soccer balls at 95yo man's house while detectives and news agencies standby waiting for the man to finally succumb to the noise and confess to the crimes he committed 40 years ago.
mythology_guy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:50:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it just me or does he remind you of Terry Pratchett? I like that I can read almost the same take on Scifi and Fantasy between their works.
skadus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:54:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I adore both, but I actually kind of like Pratchett more, because the absurd bits are almost always Chekhov's Guns of some sort and make sense in the end, and... well, there's always a humanistically optimistic bend to the stories.
Still, I never would have discovered Pratchett if I hadn't enjoyed Adams first, and both are very quotable.
JeremyHillaryBoob ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Although it's not exactly a cover, Eoin Colfer finishing the Hitchhiker series comes pretty close to OP's premise.
TheDudeNeverBowls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit. This reminds me that I have that book somewhere. I only read a few pages then put it down to read something else.
I'll have to look for it.
ascetic_lynx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:00:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why would you do this to me on finals week
WanderingWino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Never read Douglas Adams but this makes me want to. Where should I start?
ManInTheHat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Start with The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. It's by far his most famous work.
CookieTheSlayer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:33:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dont forget to read the next 5 books in the trilogy!
Orkys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently reader Hitchhiker for the first time on the tube and giggling out loud. People must think I'm right weird but what a brilliant piece of writing.
MemberBonusCard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even his essay on the defense of eugenics?
frydchiken333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd buy it
LitterallyShakingOMG ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:34:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tbh fam bam thank u maam lmao
stringent_strider ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 02:46:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit....wish this was possible :(
vdubtdi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:24:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It kind of exists in the form of the text adventure game Bureaucracy that Adams wrote in 1987.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:14:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams - The Lord of the Rings
Accipiter1138 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:41:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arthur Dent really would be a perfect hobbit.
zaphodp3 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:59:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this a reference to Martin Freeman playing both these roles in the movies?
Anne__Frank ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:20:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd do a lot of things for this book
kvachon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:13:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd trade in my digital watch
huddl3 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:58:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, isn't that just Discworld?
ebbomega ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:31:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Find me the Necromancer so we can raise Adams from the dead and by dear God make this happen.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:54:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mochi_chan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:08:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And we found our book title.
MananTheMoon ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:17:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett would also do a similarly amazing job with 1984.
luckygiraffe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:17:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In fact, we had always been at war with Oceania. This has always been generally regarded as a Bad Idea.
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:04:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"And then, one April morning, nearly four years after we had always been at war with Eurasia, a certain Comrade Ogelvy sitting on his own in a trench along the Malabar front suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and he finally knew how the would could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to always have been at war with anything.
Sadly, however, before he could get to his diary and record his crimethink, a mortar hit and his idea was lost forever.
This is not his story."
drvarem_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need this.
AnotherSmallFeat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:00:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would be the equivalent of wierd Al for books.
mochi_chan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, when you put it that way. Yes, and it would be amazing.
Vladieboy ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:59:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brazil?
spudmaster5000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:07:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The more I think about this the more it makes a lot of sense to me. This has introduced a whole other layer of that film to me!
Videogamer321 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:36:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paranoia, the satirical RPG parodying 1984?
QuantumAwesome ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Douglas Adams does 1984" is literally how I convince people to try Paranoia.
triit ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:44:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Douglas Adams covering A Brief History of Time.
entredosaguas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean 1942?
keeblerlsd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett does 1984
AllanJH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:17:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally anything by Douglas Adams. He could make a guide to cultivating geraniums into brilliantly wry comedy.
monkeysandpirates ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Armageddon the Musical, by Robert Rankin covers those bases pretty well.
xSparkShark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I thought of Frederick Douglass when you said Douglas Adams and was very confused.
hooloovooblues ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:53:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for combining two of my absolute favorite literary things.
IWanted0xcdcdcdcd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is literally the first thing that popped up in my head. Having a super serious and bleak topic of 1984 handled by the wit of Douglas Adams would be amazing!
Boinkers_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams - a song of ice and fire
Edit: I'm stupid
amaxen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, basically Terry Giliam's Brazil?
mochi_chan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to watch this movie now.
HopefulRomantic_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason, I'm reminded of Catch 22
jb2386 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:38:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice! That was my exact first thought! High five! o/
mochi_chan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:10:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
High five \o
Tangowolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:20:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do yourself a favor: avoid the US version of Brazil like the plague. It's chopped up and sanitized for Americans. Get the British/International version. It is both far more depressing and entertaining at the same time.
BecauseTyrion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:29:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would not recommend Brazil - it's a self-indulgent mess. I'd never have believed it possible to humiliate a great actor like Pryce so appallingly. Adams and Orwell were pure geniuses, Brazil has all the poignancy of a homoerotic Dracula-Doctor Who crossover fan fiction
Ninjavitis_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams - The Road
willfordbrimly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams - A Serbian Film
periodicchemistrypun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:38:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 is a comedy with no punchlines.
Some scenes read like money Python doing the office.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it has one punchline - when O'Brien explains why he is torturing Winston into conformity only so he can kill him and then erase him from history... because it feels great!
periodicchemistrypun ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking mostly about Winston going on about the new speak dictionary as we first meet him, it gets very absurd about all the details of his job and yet the narration is about how he's going to die.
You could EASILY change that into a monty Python but in 1984 it's very frustratingly depressing.
PeculiarJohnson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a book called 'Only Forward' by Michael Marshall Smith which I compared this to at some points !
Rossum81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The movie 'Brazil.'
bukithd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's one of three books I immediately thought he could have nailed with his brand of satire, Atlas shrugged was my other best thought. The third was do androids dream of electric sheep.
VCR_Lube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id pay big to read this
CharadeParade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm - William Luther Pierce
aDildoAteMyBaby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Brazil.
NewAgeOfHeroes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that just Brazil?
captainalphabet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I imagine this a lot like Brazil..
dick_ranko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd make a dope bible
sp0rkah0lic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They did this in movie form, it's called Brazil.
LickingSmegma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a text adventure game named "Bureaucracy," written by Adams.
There's also a text adventure game of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, also written by Adams. Let's just say I made more progress in it than in Bureaucracy, despite it being very unintuitive and me being very unused to text adventures in general.
Alaharon123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now that's a book I'd read
rishav_sharan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams does "Blood Meridian"
zealous_curator ยท 3410 points ยท Posted at 01:39:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's "The Princess Bride"
superfly306 ยท 2174 points ยท Posted at 03:10:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I am Vizzini's complete inability to conceive."
jsh5h7 ยท 786 points ยท Posted at 03:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first rule of starting a ground war in Asia is never start a ground war in Asia
zealous_curator ยท 218 points ยท Posted at 03:38:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The second rule is to never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
xxmindtrickxx ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 04:33:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His name was Inigo Montoya
twent4 ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:12:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Inigo isn't here
Inigo went away
redwolf383 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:25:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...never get involved in a land war in Asia.
no_gold_here ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:20:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except if you're the Mongols.
Swims_With_Dogs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:20 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bwah bwah bwah
Drachefly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:07:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see that a lot of you haven't been following the first ruleโฆ
eatmyboot ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:04:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me choke on my drink.
test_subject21 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:43:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They make a pill for that.
BoogieKate ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:44:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is by far the best thing ever. [6.5]
hwarang_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exceptional.
misschanandlerbong23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
best. comment. ever.
Krabins ยท 105 points ยท Posted at 03:10:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My name is Inigo Montoya, and I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
The_Bobs_of_Mars ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:34:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the universe. Prepare to die.
LuckyLuciano89 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 03:30:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read the Palahniuk version of any book.
Threwforth ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read this as, "I dread the Palahniuk version of any book."
LuckyLuciano89 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:45:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, in a way that is also true. They're all so messed up, I'm not always sure what I'm getting myself into..
[deleted] ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 03:07:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Due to the narrative structure of the 'Princess Bride,' I'd like to read the version written by the guy who wrote 'House of Leaves.'
Bardfinn ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 04:04:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This much I'm certain of: it doesn't happen immediately. You'll finish the book, and that will be that ... until a moment will come, maybe in a month, maybe a year, maybe even several years. You'll be a sickie in bed, feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life.
It won't matter.
Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll suddenly realize, you miserable, vomitous mass, that it's possible, you warthog-faced buffoon, that things are not how you perceived them to be at all. For some reason, you will no longer be Inigo, the son of a swordsmith. You'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, and - more importantly - shifts in you.
Worse, you'll realize it's always been shifting, like a shimmer of sorts, a vast shimmer, only dark like a room. But you won't understand why or how. You'll have forgotten the name of the six-fingered man who granted you this awareness in the first place ... You might try then, as I did, to find that six-fingered man, so skilled at swordplay he could kill you. Only no swordsman can kill you now. Even with all the drinking, no one will best your Capo Ferra, none can block your riposte. You'll care only about the bottle, and you'll be blotto for hours, for days, maybe even for years, trying in vain to believe you're not some kind of indispensable, universe-appointed sentinel, as if just by drinking you could actually keep it all at bay.
It will get so bad you'll be afraid to get sober, you'll be afraid to work for Vizzini.
Then no matter where you are, in a crowded marketplace or on some desolate moor or even in the comforts of Miracle Max's, you'll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You'll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived vows of vengeance, whether deliberate or unconscious.
And then for better or worse you'll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you've got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, bested by a nameless Man in Black.
And then the nightmares will begin.
Zerotan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you.
Gargoyle772 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:22:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Danielewski.
And I agree, that would be a fucked up read and I'm all for it.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 385 points ยท Posted at 01:52:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<pauper's reddit gold>
just_a_random_dood ยท 156 points ยท Posted at 02:33:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Soooo...
Reddit silver?
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 389 points ยท Posted at 02:33:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit iron pyrite.
just_a_random_dood ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 02:46:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course, silly me. How could I forget.
Edit: /s
Why would anyone say "I'mma give you fake Reddit gold" instead of "I'mma give you Reddit silver"?? I thought OP was joking initially.
_moobear ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:11:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might call it... Foolish
eaturfeet653 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:20:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're a ~fool~
LordofShit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit good vibes.
akashik ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:05:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe these guys from the Dollar Store.
TheMFDrez ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:54:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chaz would tell us all the filthy things implied by "as you wish"
meeseeksanddestroy ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:54:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really though, the whole story would be the internal monologue of Dread Pirate Roberts (only Buttercup can call him Westley) with "as you wish" being a motif repeated every couple pages. Probably a whole chapter dedicated to the various and accurate ways to develop tolerances to lethal poisons
NewToSociety ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:20:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mmmm, just for the disgusting descriptions for the Pit of Despair.
SmartAlec105 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:53:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most people think "Fight Club" when they see Chuck's name but I always think of Guts in "Haunted".
zealous_curator ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:01:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, Guts is one of those rare stories that still produces a visceral reaction each time I read it. It's available to read online.
DreamOnFire ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:18:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What. The. Fuck. Did I just read?
SmartAlec105 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:30:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just have to go up to someone who has read the story and say "carrot, wax, pool" and they'll remember it and get that reaction.
zealous_curator ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:31:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And "peanuts, corn, calamari"
AdmiralAkbar1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:40:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget "lamb skin condom."
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:08:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lullaby is "peak Palahniuk" in my opinion. By far one of my favorite books ever
LuckyLuciano89 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damned and Pygmy are two of my favorites. All of his books are so disturbing and awesome.
almightySapling ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:38:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like The Princess Bride would be more style of Invisible Monsters if anything. High drama blended with jarring punctuals.
Kleens_The_Impure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:58:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about Pest though ?
NewToSociety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buttercup's life sounds similar to Diary, as well. Loses her man, gets locked away in a tower and used as a symbol for a whole society. Chuck doesn't get the respect he deserves.
ArthurBea ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:00:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Buttercup was just so tired of his face. So she told him to clean the stables again. "They're full of horseshit, boy," she said dismissively.
"Fuck off bitch," he replied. To her back. Matter of fact.
"What did you say boy?" she sneered.
He looked at her intensely. "Fuck. Off. Bitch."
That was when she realized that he wanted to fuck. And that she wanted to fuck him too.
So they fucked in the horseshit covered stables for about two days and then he left her, told her he was going to be a pirate or something, didn't really say goodbye.
She never would forget that fuck, and neither would he.
heyellsfromhischair ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
licks finger obnoxiously, turns page
citizenkrans ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:36:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we Kickstart this like the Lullaby movie?
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:02:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
HiNevermind ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:52:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't it rabies?
romulusjsp ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That book is what happens when an author puts their brain in a blender while typing
ofthedappersort ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:47:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be understated yet still pretentious
SpiritOfSpite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:49:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's The Bible
chidedneck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:58:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is worse: the Rodents of Unusual Size or nothing?
Itr0llhoe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:26:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Salt. Salt and air. Before you know it you're traveling across the sea, in a boat with a large unwieldy man and a shifty, short-statured baldie.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:53:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be an awful and unnecessary amount of prolapsed rectums I think
Zerotan ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:46:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The big moosie crushing me - that was Fezzik. Between those huge sweating tits is where I fit.
"We're still sportsmen..."
"Yes we-rrrrgh- sportsmen. Sportsmen is -ooouff- what we are."
also...
"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling you the last sofa you will ever need in your life."
also...
"Fencing at Seatac, fighting at SFO, torture at LAX. You get your revenge at O'Hare, monsters at Dallas-Fort Worth, chases at BWI. Escapes across Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. You find true love at Air Harbor International. This is your life, and it's miracles every minute. "
hypmoden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best response
dynaboyj ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you can't mix Reddit and literature without palahniuk
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How do we make this happen? Like a kickstart?
Barnstormer07 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Getting rabies from ROUSs and crashing chariots at night.
Blackberry3point14 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:20:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoa, that'd be fucked up
gameboy17 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:58:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Tingle's "The Princess Bride".
JignerdSaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
After reading Fight Club 2 this feels less appealing than it should be.
TylerSutherland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was here to suggest Emma by Chuck Palahniuk
INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the quotes are from Fight Club, which was good, but Snuff, Survivor, Choke and INVISIBLE MONSTER WERE SO KYCH BETTER
AustinTejas ยท 1041 points ยท Posted at 02:55:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby written by Virginia Woolf
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 03:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mrs. Dalloway's younger years
polkadotdream ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:56:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have always wanted an expansion on her wild days with Sally Seton and Peter Walsh! It would be so lovely and fun and carefree, tinged with just a touch of foreshadowed melancholy, and hopefully chock full of lesbian sex and joyful threesomes.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:00:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That'd be entertaining for sure haha. I feel like it would sort of defeat the gist of the original book though--it's been a while since I read it, but one theme seemed to be the sadness of getting older and being unable to relive the glory days, and if the reader could actually relive them it might dampen the emotional effect of Clarissa's partial recollections
polkadotdream ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:13:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh for sure, I wouldn't want it to be in the book, that would definitely ruin the bittersweetness of running into an old chum and realizing you're both older and have changed in ways you can't undo. But a separate expansion, you know! I think I'm asking for someone to write me fanfiction, basically.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:16:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sadly there doesn't appear to be a "Mrs Dalloway" category on fanfiction.net
Deejaymil ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:35:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww wee baby fandom
iwillgetwhatiwant ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:02:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
forgot the M Dashes "It would be so lovely and fun and carefree -- tinged with just a touch of foreshadowed melancholy, and hopefully chock full of lesbian sex and joyful threesomes.
splendidman ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 04:26:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good lord. How radically different that would be while still having a beautiful artistic vision of the story would be incredible.
uuuuuuno ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:20:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gatsby said he would throw the party himself.
kVIIIwithan8 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:55:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. I just finished To The Lighthouse, too.
AdmiralDakbar ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best answer I've seen here!
Yurika_BLADE ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:44:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would actually be fascinating
sacrosanctt ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:30:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a universe where this exists as required reading in a school setting... I'd have to kill myself.
retief1 ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 07:43:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had actually mostly forgotten that Virginia Woolf existed. It was so nice.
TastyBrainMeats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought Orlando was funny as hell.
JillyBeef ยท 3223 points ยท Posted at 01:51:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's A Game of Thrones book series.
ImKnotU ยท 1382 points ยท Posted at 02:17:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read anything Terry did a "cover" of....which actually is pretty much what half his Discworld books are really, just covers of famous stories
mateogg ยท 208 points ยท Posted at 03:08:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite Pratchett books are his Macbeth cover and his religion medley.
CoffeeHamster ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:26:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait which one's the Scottish Play? Lords and Ladies?
loklanc ยท 175 points ยท Posted at 03:32:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wyrd Sisters is Macbeth from the witches point of view.
gryffinp ยท 123 points ยท Posted at 04:17:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Other's have pointed out that Wyrd Sisters is Macbeth, but I want to be the one to point out that Lords and Ladies is Midsummer Night's Dream.
CoffeeHamster ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:21:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crap I need to reread/finish reading the witches books. I never noticed the Shakspeare allegories.
gryffinp ยท 79 points ยท Posted at 04:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, dude.
Oh, dude.
CoffeeHamster ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah IKR...
gryffinp ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 04:53:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're of the mindset that dissecting a thing makes it more interesting rather than ruins it, you should check out the Annotated Pratchett File for a book after you read it. It's a pretty spirited attempt to document all of the little references that might pass unnoticed by people who don't have exactly the same cultural background as Terry Pratchett.(Especially if you're not British.)
TheOtherSon ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 06:15:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit!
Now I really have to read Pratchett. Reading in-depth analysis like that is practically crack to me!
unidentifiable ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:51:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you have 2h30m:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGKP2vVwcDg
They made a BBC cartoon. Christopher Lee is Death.
OnnaJReverT ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god yes
zenpooka ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of my favorite things.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 08:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a real testimony to his work that you can love his parodies even without knowing the source material. GNU Terry Pratchett.
infernal_llamas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 23:19:40 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Venturi and selachi are two feuding families.
They roughly translate as jets and sharks.
doesntsmokecrack ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The blurb for Lords and Ladies literally says "it's midsummer - no time for dreaming."
ostein ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:32:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wyrd Sisters
Loserino ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:33:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WYRD SISTERS is based on Macbeth
archaicScrivener ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Small Gods is probably my favourite book ever written. Reaper Man is up there too.
spankymuffin ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:46:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeesh. I can't stand the witches. I like the Watch and Rincewind books. Some of his best are his standalones too.
StayPuffGoomba ยท 56 points ยท Posted at 04:11:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are the first person Ive ever found that has said they dont like the witches. Rincewind seems very take it or leave it(I mostly leave him), everyone loves the Watch, but you hate the Witches? What the hell man?!
JohnRepeatDance ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:03:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't big on the witches when I first started reading DW (tweens/teens) but rereading them 10+ years later they're much, much more relatable. I was surprised to find Granny Weatherwax is probably my favorite discworld character these days, when I barely tolerated her before.
kasubot ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 11:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's because from the perspective of a teen, Granny is the adult every teen hates: she's always right, she always knows what's best for you, and she expects you to listen just because of who she is.
When you get older you realize it's all a delicate balancing act she has to maintain just so that everything doesn't go to shit on the backs of other people's stupidity and naivete.
Desembler ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:53:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like Granny Weatherwax's character, but I too find the witch books to be the least good. Not sure I could put my finger on why.
lurgi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:05:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I won't go as far as saying I hate the witches, but I generally rank the witches stories below the other ones (although I do like Tiffany Aching). There are dozens of us. Dozens!
odious_odes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:42:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same! The Tiffany Aching books are far and away my favourites (followed by some of the one-shots), but I never got into the main Witches series and I didn't consider them that great.
infernal_llamas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:36 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark Morris is creepy awesome.
top 3 are night watch, monstrous regiment, I shall wear midnight.
lolredditor ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:40:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like most of the watch books. >.>
The nature of the characters changed too much among other things. Vimes went from a run down near retiree to a grizzled grumpy action hero for one example. Then again I'm also odd in that I like the earlier books in general while most others like the later books more.
StayPuffGoomba ยท 50 points ยท Posted at 06:03:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Vimes is an example of a second lease on life. In Guards! he's basically given up and resigned himself to the night watch. He's stuck on a shift with Colin and Nobby of all...."people". But Carrot shows up, he meets his wife, things start to go his way and it gets him out of that complacency that was bringing him down so much.
AlmightyCuddleBuns ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 06:24:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree I actually think his character arc is pretty smooth. He is always quite a reluctant hero, but over time he just has more and more reasons to get his shit together. He starts with nothing and has nothing to lose then carrot comes along and then he kinda gets dragged along a little bit until he has a glimmer of hope at a functional station. Suddenly he has something to lose. And Sam Vimes isnt a man who lets go of something he has. As more books pass he gets more, a wife, a functional watch, a son, and he grows to match the responsibility of each accordingly mostly because he has to. Then by thud he has so much to lose and is so close to losing it we see why he was so afraid of trying it at all for so long.
onionsulphur ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 08:46:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And several new dart boards.
MrCMcK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:57:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Detritus by name....
BreadWedding ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 13:36:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold on... Pratchett dangled a "carrot" in front of Vimes' nose, and it got him moving...
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:14:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
infernal_llamas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:58 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snuff, Shepard's crown, raising steam all show signs of the embuggernace.
Thud and some of the later moist and tiffany ones also.
senopahx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:58:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, I'm not big on the witches either. Love the Watch and all the Death books though.
Lulzorr ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:12:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I... also did not like the witches. apart from weatherwax and tiffany aching. I don't know why. The books were still great.
StayPuffGoomba ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:49:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I can understand not liking Magrat or Ogg. But Weatherwax is basically a female Same Vimes. Shes just so bad ass!
Toasterfire ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 08:24:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Er Ogg is basically a fictional version of everyone's dirty old grandma. I love her to bits.
Lulzorr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe hate is a strong word, and I like some of the witch characters. I'm just not crazy about the books devoted to the witches.
Droofus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:21:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't hate the witches book, but I like them less than most of the other arcs - in my mind it's Lancre as a setting being less interesting that Ankh Morpork.
Noltonn ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:59:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Granny is fun but that's about it for me. They're not bad and I don't hate the stories, I just don't find them as interesting as Death, the Watch or Rincewind.
Szygani ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 07:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with him. Granny Weatherwax sucks. I barely tolerate her in the book about the girl wanting to become a wizard
Toasterfire ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:25:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
She's a very different character in that one because it's only book 3 or 4 or so of the whole series. Even the patrician is completely different in those ones
StayPuffGoomba ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:07:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sourcery is such an early book that it shouldn't even count. Did you read any of the other witches books?
Szygani ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:09:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't sourcery, I think it's equal rites. And yeah I read like 10 or 12 of those books.
mythology_guy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:51:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read Good Omens?
spankymuffin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:52:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup. Good stuff.
Droofus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still think about the demon spreading misery by messing with traffic signals. Brilliant.
michaelisnotginger ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:33:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Witches are my favourite. Other than Small Gods.
Q-Kat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nightwatch is by far my fave book of the lot. And i love the witches. But i like Vimes far more
spankymuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, that's a great one. Vimes and the gang are a lot of fun.
Q-Kat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:20:11 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it was nice to see like.. more mature and capable vimes in his old school "the watch is shit and the city dangerous" setting. I appreciated that since i sort of missed his old street adventures. not that i don't like his more diplomatic duties later on but still. It's like sitting in meetings all day for weeks then finally getting to do some of the work that attracted you to the career in the first place.
Also Pratchett included crochet in the book. So i was extremely excited for that (hooker for life!)
khalfrodo34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, he did a Macbeth one? Which one is that?
mateogg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:59:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wyrd Sisters. It has a bunch of Shakespeare references, but mostly Macbeth.
khalfrodo34 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:01:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I need to reread that. I was like 12 the first time, so I missed a lot and didn't really get into the witches. Was much more into the Watch and Moist.
mateogg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:08:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You totally should. It has some really meta jokes about Shakespeare's life and Elizabethan theater.
There's also a very Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote joke where it's implied that the dwarf playwright writes exactly Macbeth inspired by the events of the book.
khalfrodo34 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:15:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OK, I'm going to the library like tonight.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 15:40:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My personal favorite is Maskerade, the parody of Phantom of the Opera that is genuinely a better story than Phantom of the Opera.
sbetschi12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:20:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to read a Pratchett cover of Neal Stephenson's The Baroque Cycle.
G-0ff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:35:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
his take on mulan is hysterical
Rexel-Dervent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also The Carpet People.
There are even Wights in that.
sexyabortion ยท 697 points ยท Posted at 02:55:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'll probably finish before Martin
NecroKilic ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 03:04:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OooohhHH, holy shit man!
MatthewGeer ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, there are quite a few authors I wish could write at the pace Pratchett did. And it wasn't like he was churning out "good enough" manuscripts, either. The quality was not harmed by the quantity.
loklanc ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:35:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin J Anderson's "The Winds of Winter" (completed from posthumous notes)
srs_house ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:26:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get that nonsense out of here.
We all know it'd be written by Brandon Sanderson.
nyan_narwhal ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not anymore...
Voltstagge ยท 188 points ยท Posted at 03:03:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, I'm still going to put my money on Terry at least pulling off a tie.
infamous-spaceman ยท 99 points ยท Posted at 03:08:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean if anyone was good enough friends with death to get a story published from beyond the grave, it was Pratchett.
PrettyFly4AGreenGuy ยท 95 points ยท Posted at 03:56:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"What do we say to the God of Death?"
"Hey bro, Can you get this to HarperCollins for me?"
IncarceratedMascot ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 04:04:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean the god of แด แดแดแดส?
AerThreepwood ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 04:16:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SQUEAK
0w1 ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:20:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?
AerThreepwood ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 04:44:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WELL, OBVIOUSLY ME.
srs_house ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, you aren't the Shadow!
AerThreepwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the Shadow knows too.
Flatliner0452 ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 03:03:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that might of been the joke.
nyan_narwhal ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:05:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I suppose that's true, would have been easier to see if he said " he'll probably STILL finish before Martin"
changefromPJs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woosh
2drawnonward5 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:03:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either way is a waiting game and no one could tell you which is more fun to play.
NostalgiaZombie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:54:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id like to King cover GRRMS so we actually get finished books.
absolutfuckasm ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:09:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean he's dead, but this still stands
dating_derp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:06:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to make this joke but I was gonna suggest Brandon Sanderson.
Absohlootlee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Terry Pratchett is dead...oh
LowKeyRatchet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:05:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even from the grave he's faster than Martin.
vectormessiah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have some bad news for you.
GrowlingGiant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So?
knightofsidonia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and he's already dead!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RIP GRRM
XSaffireX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
:o SAVAGE
Jebbediahh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Savage
[deleted] ยท 273 points ยท Posted at 02:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
BlackeeGreen ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:24:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
MarchingTrombonist ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:26:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
ostein ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:33:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Totally_Generic_Name ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:14:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
saccare9 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:19:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
northrupthebandgeek ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:52:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
brokenboomerang ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:06:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
ev3-olution ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:10:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
coffee_o ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:12:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
GrowlingGiant ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:18:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett.
boomerangarrow ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:28:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett.
rillip ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:04:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett.
PhoenixFox ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:28:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett.
HMJ87 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:28:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Sir Terry Pratchett
The_Antlion ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:43:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:03:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ChaosInfest ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:08:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
TooShortToBeStarbuck ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:48:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett.
AngryEnglishSarcast ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:15:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
xarvous ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:58:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
blitzkraft ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dafuq is going on here???!?!?!?
rillip ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:01:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.gnuterrypratchett.com/
The_Antlion ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:44:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
blitzkraft ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do now.
ferretface26 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:45:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Silverspy01 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:55:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Fortune_Cat ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Explain
lenaro ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 05:26:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.theguardian.com/books/shortcuts/2015/mar/17/terry-pratchetts-name-lives-on-in-the-clacks-with-hidden-web-code
AZNman1111 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:50:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that!
BendoverOR ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:00:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU TERRY PRATCHETT
Lineofeld19 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:47:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
404GravitasNotFound ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought this was a reference to the Culture novels at first. GSV Terry Pratchett
GNU Terry Pratchett
Nerdwiththehat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GNU Terry Pratchett
Yatta99 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:22:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that only Terry Pratchett could make 'The Catcher In The Rye' both readable and enjoyable.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:52:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"They say heavy hangs the head that wears the crown, but often they don't mention it is usually hanging on a stick, and the relative heaviness is offset by the pile of bodies they used to shore up the stick so it stays long enough for everyone to get a really good look."
Alarmed_Ferret ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:45:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last line really nailed his writing style.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:57 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God he'll be missed.
Alarmed_Ferret ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:27 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know. I read the city watch series every year. Absolutely favorite book series of all time.
confusedThespian ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:46:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I commend my soul to any god who can find it," was a good taste of what that would be like.
Twoisnoe ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 10:44:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Getting to his feet, the Man of the North thought he glimpsed his youngest daughter in the crowd. Then he looked down, to where his head - so recently and firmly attached - had capered off halfway down the scaffolding.
LORD EDDARD STARK.
Ned turned, and surveyed the dark-robed form. "Ah. You would be The Stranger."
SO I AM CALLED.
Death had tried to be more familiar, had tried to understand people even to the point of taking "a holiday." But even with his best efforts, all that had resulted was a massive backlog still to be cleared. His apprentice had done his best to help catch up, and was now doing splendid work down in Braavos. Not that Death would have considered himself Many Faced by any means, but the lad had been so enthusiastic about it. Valar Mortghulis and all that.
Ned waited patiently as The Stranger stood in thought. He was not terribly surprised that it had come to this, although he did feel sorry for Arya. Winter was coming, and there was rumor of the Wee Wild Free gathering beyond the Wall. He shuddered, even though there was no more cold to feel, and cleared his throat.
"Where to, now?"
AH. YOU MAY HEAD WHEREVER YOU WILL.
They both looked at the object on the ground.
"Was that intentional?"
IT WAS AN INDICATION OF BOTH DIRECTION AND BODY. I UNDERSTAND THAT SOME WOULD CONSIDER THIS HUMOROUS, ALBERT HAS TOLD ME SO.
Ned Stark looked blankly at Death, who was just warming up.
IF YOU MAKE SPEED, YOU MAY FIND YOUR FRIEND ROBERT STILL CLOSE TO HAND. THAT WAS NOT A REFERENCE TO YOUR FORMER POSITION, BUT THAT OF THE KING HIMSELF. I BELIEVE THAT TOO MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A JEST. HO HO HO.
INCIDENTALLY, IF YOU HAVE WORDS YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO PASS ON TO YOUR WIFE AND SON, I EXPECT I SHALL BE SEEING THEM SOON ENOUGH.
Ned nodded, thoroughly bewildered by now. "Er. Winter is Coming?" He thought he'd already said that, but one could never be too sure. His form slowly faded, taking all confusion with it.
In truth, Death had never been entirely certain about Lady Catelyn - it was all a question of the timeline of the novel versus that of the script, and some things were unknown even to him. Death had standards. He disliked complication, and if he could approach any feeling at all, it was surely an intense dislike of that shadowy grey-bearded form, known only as the Author, who seemed to be inordinately fond of removing as many people from the Discos as possible.ยน
Death shook his head, and summoned his horse.
COME BINKY.
Binky stood some distance away, and gave him a look. Death sighed.
YOU KNOW I DO NOT AGREE WITH THAT PROPHECY. THE GIRL WILL DO ADMIRABLY.
Binky exhaled plumes of steam, rolling one red eye.
Death looked back. But time was pressing on, and there was a Dothraki Horse Lord to collect. His eye sockets reflected the vastness of space as he drew their language forth.
O AENA SHIERAK, VEZH FIN SAYA RHAESHESERES, AJADI JINNE, AJJIN.ยฒ
The stallion thought about it for a moment, found the words acceptable, and pranced his way over the shifting grey landscape, whickering, as if to say "Look at me, admire my Greatness!"
Death shook his head. The horse people were crazy, and their horses were not all that far behind. As he mounted up, he surreptitiously withdrew a small yet ornately gilded hourglass from the depths of his robe.
Normally these stayed within the Black and White House of his residence, but he had a particular interest in this one. Under the fancy lion crest that housed the glass, a small span of sparkling time remained, but it would pass soon enough.
Death's job seldom elicited anticipation, but he felt almost human in his desire to see the surprise on the face of this particular boy. He'd even been practising a special greeting with the assistance of Albert, who had advised him on just the right words to say to the young prince when the time came.
As Binky bore his master away towards Essos, Death practised them once more.
HELLO, YOU LITTLE SHIT.
__
ยน - Discos, the known world of which is comprised of the three discovered continents: Westeros, Essos, and Sothoryos; and several assorted islands, including the fabled Foureckseros.
ยฒ - Oh Morning Star, The Stallion that Mounts the World, Come Here, Now!
Flylikehawkings ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:56:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was wonderful, the footnotes were a lovely touch.
Twoisnoe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:13:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cheers! It just wouldn't be Terry-like (Terryesque?), without them footnotes. :)
NO.
OnAMissionFromDog ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:19:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was glorious, makes me want to re-read the first 40 discworld books.
greyjackal ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:57:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pterry does Shakespeare."
Wait...hang on a minute...
spankymuffin ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:45:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pratchett could get pretty dark when he wanted to.
JillyBeef ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, exactly. I'd love to see how he would have handled this.
Kattzalos ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:16:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alarmed_Ferret ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 06:45:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I WONDERED IF I COULD TELL A JOKE AT THIS PROCEEDING. I AM TOLD I SHOULD MAKE THIS A MORE MIRTHFUL OCCASION.
Oaden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Monstrous regiment was among his darker works, but it was mostly implied rather than outright stated.
BlankStudios ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:52:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see the kooky reinterpretations of Westeros' families. Also he would somehow make the Lannisters more relatable.
greyjackal ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:00:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lady Tyrell - Granny Weatherwax
Margery - Magrat
Who's Nanny Ogg, I wonder :D
rothael ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:02:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Spider
greyjackal ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:12:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given the relish with which Gytha imparts the age old wisdom about knobs on wizards' staves, and the pity she gives the unbuggerable hedgehog...I can see that.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:16:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can see Vimes as a version of Jaimie (starts out dissolute and disillusioned, gets his honour back). Magrat reminds me more of Brienne (unattractive, insecure, really comes into herself). Vetinari as Tywin of course. Tiffany Aching is Arya. Lily Weatherwax could be Cersei.
greebothecat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:21:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tyrion as Luggage
Kirk_Kerman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:59:19 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except the Luggage has a ghastly high killcount and nobody dares to laugh at it.
Taylorenokson ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe we would actually get to finish the series before the author died.
DrippyWaffler ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:21:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And 30 other books covering various Westorosi tales.
BlackeeGreen ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:25:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hot damn.
TheCatbus_stops_here ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DEATH would be overworked.
Electric999999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He only shows up in person sometimes IIRC.
HiNoKitsune ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:18:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he definitely has to show up for the death of rulers, who deserve a death with a sword (not his sycthe) and for the death of witches and wizards. I think he'd still be quite busy.
Brohansan ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:48:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean "A Song of Ice and Fire."
"A Game of Thrones" is the title of the first book in the series.
Mi5erableBastard ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:34:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The series is called A Song of Ice and Fire goddamn it.
keeferc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:40:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something like this would actually really be worthwhile for books like GoT and LOTR, because those authors are much better at plot and world-building than they are at writing words
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well he has already done stories about a war for a throne, zombies and dragons, plus every now and then hookers show up and stand around being all feminine.
Oh and lots of people die, so there's that.
icarus14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's "Game of thrones" series.
_ILOVEITWHENTHEYRUN ยท 1002 points ยท Posted at 02:38:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I only know like five different authors and one of them is Dr. Seuss.
KagsTheOneAndOnly ยท 91 points ยท Posted at 06:57:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm having this problem where I've either yet to read a work by the author, or I've yet to read the novel mentioned in each author-novel pair in just about every single comment, and I'm feeling irrationally pissed off
MRDIII ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 21:09:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you do any of the reading in high school English class? Cause that's where 90% of the content is being pulled from right now lol
Valeddy ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 03:47:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like the rest of the people in this thread. /s
tregorman ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 11:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not that many authors have distinct voices, the ones featured here are among the most memorable writing styles.
Moetacular ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 09:16:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, I recognize some of the names, but barely read any works by any of them.
winter_mutant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know a ton of authors but none of them are in this thread.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:06:09 on July 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know books but I don't know authors. But even for the authors I know, their style changes between books.
JK Rowling changes her style all the time.
Eoin Colfer changes his style.
Sarah Waters changes her style in the middle of a book up to and including the vernacular.
I don't know how much this would really change things, although I would still like to see professionals rewrite each others work.
thewiremother ยท 500 points ยท Posted at 02:54:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Chuck Pahlaniuk could cover the hell out of 'Moby Dick' for some reason.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 02:55:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read that for a dollar.
DemocraticElk ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 03:54:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I am Ahab's complete inability to achieve vengeance."
combustiblemushroom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:26:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is...is this a Demolition Man reference? From that tv commercial within the film?
0hnoesazombie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:22:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually a RoboCop reference.
shawnisboring ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 03:46:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of weird sex shit is going to be going down on that boat.
superhappy ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:47:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The part where they are squeezing the chunks out of the whale sperm and find love in a hopeless place:
Rhetor_Rex ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:39:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you read the Melville version? There's some weird sex stuff before they even get to the boat.
invertedearth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:28:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It already was...
IMR800X ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:58:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That whole introductory section with Queequeg is suddenly explained.
rouseco ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:19:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck does do a great job portraying obsessed people.
invertedearth ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:28:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You stole my karma!
"Call me Ismael." "How's that working out for you?"
Honestly, if you think about it enough, Moby Dick and Fight Club are remarkably similar.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sea captain starts a cult to chase down the corrupt monster of Moby Dick. On the way any whale that wasn't him gets recruited to the cause or scarred for life. The whales start to practice defensive and offensive maneuvers for when they meet the whale. Moby Dick tricks the Captain into a larger boat with explosives in it. The captain alone with the sea ponders his life (montage of the captain and Moby Dick being the same animal). The captain's other leg gets blown off.
Gargoyle772 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:36:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am Ahab's thirst for revenge.
amcoll ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 09:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought of him covering "The very hungry caterpillar"
I am caterpillars insatiable greed
mangoQuesadilla ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:29:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I look forward to the real possibilities of the coming ai - that works of art won't be singular, but that you will have combinatorially expressive powers between any art and artists. If you want guns and roses covering Depeche Mode, or Liz Phair covering G&R, it will be easy like asking for a 1 X 2 matrix of Cormac McCarthy with either of Moby Dick or Drop City.
Rizzpooch ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:04:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turns out Ishmael and Ahab were the same person all along. Spoilers!
KingOvHell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:46:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather see him do Harry Potter
ofthedappersort ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
damn, i concur
not_shadowbanned_yet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if you thought he loved the cut-and paste function before...
Barcaraptors ยท 409 points ยท Posted at 02:58:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss on The Communist Manifesto
screwthisdumbcrap ยท 635 points ยท Posted at 04:54:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They fear it in Prussia, they fear it in France,
It makes Popes and Tsars jump out of their pants.
They say it's specter that floats through the air
It's called Communism, and it's feared everywhere.
Communism's no specter, I'll tell you right now,
Communism's quite real, and I'll tell you how.
fireball_73 ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 10:46:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's quite appropriate that no one has given you reddit gold for this outstanding post prole.
SteelPangolin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss Went to War actually includes a few pro-communism cartoons.
thefloppyfish1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:07 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!RedditSilver
swimmerboy29 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 21:42:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Red and malicious, And rearing its ugly rear It leaves its mark in the form of economic despair
It jars the czar And ruins the Pope's pants with holy shit Quite frankly, they do not like it, not one little bit
Not a ghost, nor a phantom Or a wicked, green witch But most can agree that, indeed, Communism is a bitch
yossipossi ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 02:50:53 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
P.S. The Communist Manifesto is pro-communism.
mattb6014 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha
Who_Ordered_Pie ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 01:07:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Henry Miller covering Dangerous Liasions.
mamahenn20 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:26:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is really great
catternet ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:44:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People keep talking about 50 shades as a joke - because it is - but I think Miller would actually rework that into something decent: filthy, profane, unapologetic, condensed to one book instead of 3, and not pandering to horny middle aged moms.
vicky_jb ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YES!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YIKES.
chdwyck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:48:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Robbins covering anything Henry Miller
nervuri_de_catifea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:01 on August 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Henry Miller covering ASOIAF.
Actually, I'd be happy if he only got to write the last chapter of each book. Yeah. That'd be interesting :D
edit: Yeah, I know I just replied to a 3 months old comment.
White_Rodgers ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 02:46:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Siddhartha by Hunter S Thompson
chokingonlego ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:35:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is definitely one I'd love to read.
friendsomewhere ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 15:15:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversely, Hermann Hesse's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
My two favorite authors.
ocean365 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:10:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck
raiden_the_conquerer ยท 8139 points ยท Posted at 00:42:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings rendition of Harry Potter
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 5299 points ยท Posted at 00:48:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speculation: Harry ditches the wand in favor of a couple of enchanted revolvers.
Krabins ยท 3560 points ยท Posted at 01:19:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of being from England, Harry and co. will be foul mouth kids from Maine.
TheMadmanAndre ยท 3016 points ยท Posted at 02:36:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm like 95 percent sure that Stephen King is the sole reason anyone knows about the state of Maine.
Edit: The comment I half-drunkenly posted about Maine before going to bed is now one of my most upvoted posts of all time. God bless you magnificent bastards.
sobermonkey ยท 1673 points ยท Posted at 02:45:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact, Maine doesn't actually exist.
Jdogy2002 ยท 1010 points ยท Posted at 02:55:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, just like Finland!!
geckoswan ยท 538 points ยท Posted at 02:57:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whats Finland?
Krabins ยท 746 points ยท Posted at 03:01:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A body of water that exists for the sole purpose of allowing the Japanese and Russians to fish or something.
thefrenchcrayon ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 04:06:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
except it doesn't.
geckoswan ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:08:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ohhh! I love salmon.
DrippyWaffler ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:20:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a herring guy myself.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:26:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pickled herring is delicious and I'm not even from a fictional country like "Finland".
Like, come on. FINland. Because fish, you see.
ARealSlimBrady ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:40:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Poconos?
jaaaase ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:16:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah it's this little mountain range
tiny_tims_legs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A mountain range?
BecauseScience ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh jeez
Reddy_McRedcap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:28:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either I'm missing something, or you're terrible at geography
Sw429 ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:35:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/finlandConspiracy
CallMeCygnus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:11:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
East Sweden and west Russia.
Zep_Rocko ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:17:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Colloquial term for East Sweden
LtVaginalDischarge ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:38:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
West Sweden
Quicksilver_Johny ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:11:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, that's Norway.
LtVaginalDischarge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:20:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Weast Sweden.
tacocatisonfire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:05:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's food
codyish ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:49:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The capital of Norway.
thehaarpist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:28:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's fake is what it is.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A small Norway
straechav ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, what? Finland is bigger than Norway...
TheBurningSoda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shhhhhhh!
woeful_haichi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:29:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Bielefeld!
Djmthrowaway ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:46:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fun fact: They actually name all the fake places after what the area is actually used for. Finland because of all the whale hunting, Thailand because of the tiger hunts, and Maine because of the lions.
GetBenttt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought they discontinued Finland a few years ago?
disk5464 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:13:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/mapswithoutfinland
eyemadeanaccount ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:21:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/finlandconspiracy
iamwizzerd ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously i love this thing! I live in finland so this is fun!
changefromPJs ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:22:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice try
northrupthebandgeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:49:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And North Dakota.
SimbaOnSteroids ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:56:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean they're myths then? Like the Loch Ness monster and North Dakota?
Tesrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This meta has a long shelf life.
zebediah49 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Steven King is from Finland.
KingofDerby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:05 on May 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Milton Keynes
ASlyGuy ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 02:49:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking knew it!
RufusSaltus ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:44:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, it exists. You just can't get there from here.
mayorjimmy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:16:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i just read that in my grandmother's voice.
gluteusminimus ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:00:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Live in Maine, can confirm. It doesn't exist.
MutantOctopus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then where am I?!
sobermonkey ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:07:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vermont
Satsuz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:03:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might want to check a map, bub.
indyK1ng ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:16:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But one of my favorite beers is from Maine.
sobermonkey ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:55:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's from Vermont.
Galacticratic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not on this level of the Tower, anyway.
Yenwodyah_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:11:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is correct. The area people call "Maine" is actually just the northern part of Massachusetts. Mapmakers began including it as a bit of an inside joke around 1820, but maps of earlier periods (like this one) label the area correctly.
KinRiso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah woah woah, joke about Maine not existing, sure, but joke about Maine being part of Massachusetts, and you'll have an angry mob at your door.
rothael ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:00:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that a surprise? Everyone here in New South Canada knows it.
spillingTheBean ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:10:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am Mainer, can confirm, I do not exist.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:31:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
sobermonkey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:54:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You were in Vermont.
postcardviews ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:10:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course it does! It's on the path of the beam.
Fleckeri ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or New Zealand on most maps.
Burns31 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes we do :/
sobermonkey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:55:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're in Vermont.
evilweirdo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can confirm. Am mythical creature.
InvasionOfTheLlamas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You must be on a different level of the tower sai
FierceDeity_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:15:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Germany there's the "Bielefeld Conspiracy", a rumor about Bielefeld (a town) not even existing. It held strong since the 70s or 80s and for a while the "town" "Bielefeld" complained on news that people kept callign them to ask if they exist
Ethanlac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:34:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aren't you thinking of Wyoming? It's an ancient word for "no state here". Have you ever met anyone from Wyoming?
sobermonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I live in New Hampshire, and I can assure you the only thing north of us is New Brunswick.
stooduponce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who's lived in Maine for the entirety of my 25 years on earth, I have to respectfully disagree.
Maine is actually quite awesome, I'd suggest checking it out some time.
TheYadda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL my dad isn't real.
CTU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it does now it was made an official state because of Mr King.
drivermcgyver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That hurts!
PandavengerX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually pretty close to Delaware!
Dragonsandman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually South New Brunswick.
brickmack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot it existed until this thread. I'm not confident that I'm not misremembering though
velvetgentleman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is like Acre
Modorox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then what do I do with Hanzo?
sobermonkey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Switch to Mercy?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone who says otherwise was probably born in South New Brunswick.
PMTittiesNKitties ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like the Loch Ness monster, or North Dakota.
donaldsw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like Wyoming!
Askesis1017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's Idaho. Idaho Potatoes haven't even been to Idaho.
dragonfyre4269 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh it exists.
There just isn't much here.
badmartialarts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It does. When your plane flies in low under snowclouds from the far land of Germany to the land of America, you may find it take to land in a curious city called Bangor, that is, if'n you got the shine.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT just convinced everyone it does
Or something
The_Moustache ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then where the fuck did I go Saturday
Hattless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, then where was I when i went tp that place and had lobster and stayed in a hotel? That wasn't Maine?
busty_cannibal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:30:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Driving through Maine is all the evidence you need that Maine doesn't exist.
phenning67 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:58:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a Mainer, you are correct
Fb62 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:39:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never read a Stephen King novel and I've never been to Maine before so I can't dispute that.
PillDevastationCurve ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:35:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sugarloaf, Acadia, old port- we got some cool shit here man!
gloubenterder ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:03:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For a long time, Maine messed up my counting of the states. We'd learned a song in music class which went through the states in alphabetical order, but when I sat down and counted them, I only got 49.
Turns out there's no such state as "Main Maryland".
UltraCarnivore ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:00:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL
a-lonely-panda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, there is! I live there!
stevemcqueer ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mainiacs don't leave for two reasons: one it's pretty nice up there and two, high wages plus nothing to do equals druuuuuuuuuuuuuugs.
Atheistic_Alex ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:44:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aren't a lot of them connected and take place around the same place? I remember seeing the name of a diner in two different short stories set in Maine.
JumboJellybean ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:52:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Almost all his books are connected in small ways. A ton of them take place in Maine, sometimes in real towns but often in made-up towns. Stories sometimes have overlapping locations, minor characters, or histories (eg a story set in 1990 will have an explosion at the mill, and a story set in 2003 will have a damaged mill in the same place, as a little thing for fans to catch).
BearShark42 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:54:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maine consists of only two buildings: a hospital and a house, where Stephen King was born and raised.
meanderling ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:52:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, and lobster rolls.
richardwonka ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:11:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, there's also John Irving, right?
spangg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:14:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude... Maine is awesome. LL Bean, Acadia National Park, the Bold Coast, lobster and more, there are plenty of great attractions in Maine.
luckygiraffe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:19:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's 100% the reason anyone's ever heard of Derry.
VeryThing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My grandmother used to live there. That's the sole reason I know about the state of Maine.
the_dough_boy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:29:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Acadia is fucking awesome
katiedid05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My mother and father honeymooned there because my mom grew up watching MASH and loved Hawkeye
BarelyOriginal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:04:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I pity the parallel universe Maine that dwells in the Stephen King Universe. Especially Andy Dufraine and Paul Edgecomb, it can't be easy being in prison with Killer fog
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:47:30 on October 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how Stephen King wrote his books and got famous. You should become a writer.
EDIT: forgot that I was looking at the top posts of the year and just wrote on a 5 month old thread lol
roman_fyseek ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:16:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... that 11/22/63 book. Lisbon Falls, Maine.
I lived at 14 Main Street for a couple of years. This is directly across the street from where the butcher shop would have been. It's never been a butcher. That's fine and all but, King's description of the town is all over the place. Some things, he leaves alone. Other things are just completely wrong.
In any other setting, I would be totally okay with this. However, having lived there, it was rather jarring because he would describe a place and in my mind, I'm picturing exactly what he's describing but, then he throws the location at you and I'm completely out of the book because it's wrong. For no reason, too!
King went to highschool in the town. Nothing has moved since he lived there. And, even if he had forgotten some stuff, a 3 hour drive from his home in Bangor would have put him on location to get the landmarks in the right place.
He really phoned it in on that one.
Fathellcatbbq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is true, we're actually just southern Canada.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeah dude on one hand i know about it but on the other hand i stay away so i dont catch a severe case of the spookaroos
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King is, in fact, the Maine reason I know about Maine.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's where blueberries come from.
Qwigs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murder! She Wrote.
Champigne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lobsters?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of my knowledge comes from this song
muffya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As is Nicholas Sparks for North Carolina.
quaid4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah dude it's the state that looks like a dog's head
pointlessbeats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For me it's Mighty Ducks 2, because that's where Julie Gaffney was from, and she was my hero, because she was a girl who played ice hockey and she was really pretty.
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other 5% know because of Snoopy's Christmas.
Mail540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Between him and lovecraft I'm pretty sure Maine is a foggy portal to hell or another dimension
EsQuiteMexican ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maine is a state?
socialistbob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not true. Some of his books are set in the unimaginably different state of New Hampshire.
parkaprep ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:27:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His movies have been single-handedly keeping Nova Scotia running.
MarsRich ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:47:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's also the reason I will never go to Maine.
Sanity_in_Moderation ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:04:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that ending in the sewers with Hermione? Pretty sure there's fan fic like that already written.
Thomas_K_Brannigan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:22:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Vernon Dursley would be an alcoholic.
Enders-game ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:17:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't tell me, one of them grows up to be a writer!
Ranger33 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:53:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Draco Malfoy will wear a leather jacket and try to murder Harry with a switchblade.
CapnJay ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:23:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beep beep, 'arry!
Lovat69 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:15:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tl:dr Voldemort is a clown.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Against a crazy christian villain.
katiedid05 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And there will 100% be a prepubescent orgy
JediGuyB ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With all the haunted hotels, crazy fangirls, monsters, and demon clowns from another dimension living in Maine must straight up suck.
tcamp3000 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Falmouth, Maine kids
Freyzi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Relevant
PraiseBeToIdiots ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do they defeat Voldemort with a weird pubescent gangbang?
rcamposrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. So this. This so much. Mainify those characters.
marcdreezy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Derry
Blurbyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of being from England... Harry is from Chicago.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"C'MON YOU FUCKWITS LET'S GO FUCK WITH A CASTLE FULL OF MAGIC FUCKERS"
"What?"
suddenly, a car. harry gets in car
"You heard me, Herbitchne. Get in."
GaimanitePkat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Hermione will be gangbanged by Harry, Ron, Draco, Fred, and George.
-GregTheGreat- ยท 629 points ยท Posted at 01:16:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't like 90% of Roland's gunslinger training about 'remembering the face of your father'? I think Harry might have an issue with that part...
Dayters ยท 359 points ยท Posted at 01:17:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny but Eddie never knew his father either and he did pretty well
im_not_a_writer ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 02:47:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He always used to beat on his mom and cheat her?
CurrentlySingle ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs.
im_not_a_writer ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:03:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So when I have a shitty day I drift away and put them on
SlicedKuniva ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:10:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cuz I don't really have shit else, but that shit helps when I'm depressed.
DavoDinkum69 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I even got a tattoo of ya name across my chest
ForgotMyFathersFace ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:18:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All you motherfuckers have forgotten the face of your father.
CapnJay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All you
motherfuckersmaggots have forgotten the face of your father.DontOpenTilXmas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey guys is this the Canibus appreciation thread?
RearEchelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cry your pardon!
rebelcanuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cheat her out of what? It's the other way around.
im_not_a_writer ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:25:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I said that shit just clowning, dawg, come on how fucked up is you?
sebinthebrowndude ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Reference to Eminem's 'Stan')
Mescalitoburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Larry Underwood?
weathermaker89 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:10:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roland was his ka father
InvasionOfTheLlamas ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:26:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Big white Ka-daddy
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:54:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like some shit a honkey muhfug would say.
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:17:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's one thing that never made sense to me. He spent like what, 3 months training and him and Suzie can snipe fucking radar dishes off of gigantic robot bear heads? And how much ammo did they use training? He had what was it like 250 bullets or something?
SomewhatFreaky ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:45:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeeeeah. And Jake didn't even have the training and still managed to hit all the plates in the fifth book. I guess it's because they all were natural gunslingers or something? Still a pretty lame cop-out.
MindfulFox ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:13:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spoiler alert
It was a loop. It's been awhile since I read them, but do you think they could have carried over remnants of their training on each pass? I feel like one of the ka-tet members (Eddie?) recalls how right the revolvers felt in hand the first time he wielded it? I could be wrong, but if I'm right, it could explain how quickly they picked up their shooting skills.
SomewhatFreaky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose it's possible, although I was never quite clear on whether it was an actual loop or just different iterations of characters originating from different worlds of Kingoverse. But I also never finished the series and stopped after the sixth book because it was all getting too meta for my taste and I was already spoiled on the ending, so I was like "fuck that noise".
Then again Eddie's feeling of revolvers fitting perfectly in his hand may be explained by him destined to be a gunslinger or whatever. But I like your explanation more, it makes a bit more sense in-universe and isn't quite as marysue'ish.
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a problem with that though. King has said he never knew how the series would end and certainly didn't plan this out by the third book.
CanolaIsAlsoRapeseed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:52:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're trying to apply logic to a fantasy novel in which the main character is 1000 years old and can still fire his own revolver perfectly with only two fingers.
SomewhatFreaky ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:59:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, I'll bite.
It's never actually stated how old Roland is. The first edition of The Gunslinger put him at 30-something. Later it was revised and Roland may be between 30 and who-the-hell-knows, with how time works in his world. Also, I believe he had 3 fingers on his right hand: a thumb, a ring finger and a pinky. And he couldn't use his gun very well with that hand which is part of the reason he gave it to Susannah.
But nevermind all that. Regardless of how crazy and unrealistic setting of a fictitious story is, internal logic should be consistent and adhere to some rules. Motivations of characters should be understandable and explainable, and causalilty should not be broken. Otherwise reader is taken out the story, their suspension of disbelief is broken and the whole thing is just bad writing.
Saying "you can't apply logic to the story because setting is not realistic" is a poor argument which dismisses legitimate critique based simply on genre of a work of fiction. It could be applied to any fantasy or sci-fi setting with equally shallow and empty results.
Here's a couple of examples.
- How come Sauron is so much more powerful than Gandalf and other wizards even if all of them are Maiar?
- Chill, dude, it's a book about demons and goblins and big flaming eye, don't try to explain it.
- Wait, how the hell can Rey in SW7 use mind control and telekinesis and all other cool jedi tricks without any kind of training, when Luke basically had to endure a shirtless montage with Yoda to be able to tap into these powers?
- Yeah, don't worry about it, it's a universe with lightsabers and death stars.
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck I hadn't even thought of the second one.
RearEchelon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:20:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not as lame as the ending. Still a great saga, though. I wish he'd write more prequel stuff for Roland. The Little Sisters of Eluria was a good read, and the Mejis part of Wizard and Glass was pure awesomeness.
cowboys70 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:35:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ending was fantastic
RearEchelon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:39:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was, in the way that I felt the same sense of disappointment and horror that Roland must've felt. But after all the hardship and loss, for that to be Roland's fate...
It hurt me. Still does.
otterfied ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:40:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SPOILER ALERT, but he is making progress. When he walked through the tower door at the top and restarted his "when" he had Cuthbert's horn from the battle. I think he is slowing making progress towards his atonement in every life he lives.
RufusStJames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:51:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Additionally, he has the horn in the upcoming movie, suggesting that it takes place after the book cycle.
RearEchelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:10:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right. I do remember that.
SomewhatFreaky ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:27:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you can try reading TDT graphic novels. They aim to cover a period between the battle of Jericho hill and the first book. Although I 've read a couple and wasn't a fan. To me it seemed that authors rely to heavily on reusing familiar elements and situations from the book series.
RearEchelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll check them out, thanks
lmMrMeeseeksLookAtMe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:40:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would like "The Wind Through the Keyhole"
RearEchelon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:53:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I forgot about that, but I have read it and it was badass too
lmMrMeeseeksLookAtMe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:55:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No problem! It's a forgotten part of the series because it came out so late but it definitely fits the vibe of the first four a lot better than the last three.
Harddaysnight1990 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:23:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in the Mejis part of Wizard and Glass right now, and I'm finding it kinda boring, tbh. Especially compared to the insanity of The Wasteland. Blaine the Mono I think has been the most interesting villain yet. The Mejis part is just moving so slow. And I can just tell that it's leading to Roland fucking Susan and causing shit with the mayor. Whatever the glass is that the witch has I think is going to reveal Roland's true purpose for the quest, but I'm not sure, and it's taking up most of this book.
I don't know, just after a fast, exciting book, Wizard and Glass is just too much of a slow burn. Plus, Eddie isn't in the Mejis part.
otterfied ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:44:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I though thought the same thing and it ended up being my favorite book. The ending is wicked and explains so much about Roland.
Andre11x ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:12:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just wait it gets so much better. The end battle might be my favorite in the series.
RearEchelon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:12:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me know when you finish W&G if you still feel the same way. All I'm going to say is that it's epic, and that's saying something, because I hate that word.
NinjaWombat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:23:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure they did a lot of dry firing. You can teach technique without having to have the gun go bang every time.
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:41:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still, it's a little silly just how good they are from those few months alone.
otterfied ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but they had Roland as their teacher, not uncle ray firin at glass natural light bottles.
MathTheUsername ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was way longer than 3 months. And they were already Gunslingers, they just needed to be awakened, so to speak.
Taylorenokson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did he though?
whatsacott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roland sort of took the place of Eddie's father. I guess remembering the face of his father would mean he thought of Roland?
littlecampbell ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:04:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could look in a mirror?
malonkey1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Specifically, the Mirror of Erised.
Jellysound ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:22:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or even a regular one, he is constantly getting told "You look just like your father, except your eyes, you have your mother's eyes."
Feldew ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:17:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Then remember the face of your uncle!" Harry immediately turns the revolver on himself.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:28:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, Roland went from being a coldhearted bastard in The Gunslinger to nodding 24 hours a day and smiling and being all heart warming and shit. I adored the books up until Wizard and Glass when I promptly gave up, but holy shit if Roland wasn't a totally different character in the books after the first.
I wish King would have kept up with the world he created in The Gunslinger, even if it was a side story or something.
Fastfingers_McGee ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:39:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wizard and glass was amazing!
jparksup ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my God. Wizard and Glass was my favorite one. Young Roland getting laid a million times a day. I couldn't put it down. I guess it could be seen as not the best character development though.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was the fact that I was heavily invested in the Blaine story, and was EXTREMELY disappointed with how it ended. Such a scary character with excellent build up, then it goes where it goes. When I first saw him TALKING LIKE THIS I actually got a little bit of anxiety. I've never felt that in any movie or book before in my entire life. Then, all of a sudden they are in what seems like our ravaged world, possibly The Stand? (Never read it, just guessing based on things I have heard), so I wanted to know what was going to happen. Did Blaine upload himself somewhere? Doubtful since the thought only occurred to me now, but still, I wanted to know what was going to happen.
I also didn't like how many fucking times the book said "Roland nodded" or "Roland smiled at nodded".
Then to make matters worse, when I moved the books got lost/thrown away somehow and I cannot afford to get them all again.
Fastfingers_McGee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blaine was a huge let down for me too. While I guess it makes sense, king seems to just make shit up as he goes along and tries to connnect everything after the fact. Idk how far you are in the series but he makes a huge plot decision and then basically admits, in the fucking middle of the book with authorial intrusion, that it was a shitty way to tie things together but it was either that and let the story move on or have it all end there and end the series. I was speechless.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:42:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It just feels like he wanted to write fantasy for the sake of fantasy. He made another attempt at it, and it was really bad. Even started with "once upon a time" if I am not mistaken.
Fastfingers_McGee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the best best character development? Da fuck? The whole book is Roland's back story. It's literally nothing but character development. And Jonas getting his face blown in is my number 2 scene in the whole series! So badass. Funny thing is, I thought the Roland and Susan romance was cringy af. There were a couple of ojay scenes but to me, King sucks at writing romance and sex. Always seems awkward and forced.
The_Dirty_Carl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first book remains one of my all-time favorite books. The final book was also good. The rest were... not good, save for a few memorable scenes.
Also, King writing himself into the story was tacky and uncomfortable.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:45:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Gunslinger, IMO, is the best artistically of the ones I've read, but The Drawing of the Three is the fastest I've ever read a book in my life. I think I finished it in 2 days. I have done drugs, a lot of them, and I (despite self disgust almost a decade later) that that book was like book coke. I couldn't put it down.
I don't know if my point about it being better artistically makes any sense, I have a hard time explaining it, but the Preacher woman, the guy with the crow, the woman with the scar on his face, the guy that got brought back from the dead. The future books don't seem like that Preacher lady could even exist.
Why didn't you like the ones in between Gunslinger and The Dark Tower?
Also, I want to know what happens with the Tick Tock Man.. totally forgot about him. He was a great villain "Gnasher, what do you have there. Let your old pal sneak a peak" (Paraphrasing, but the "sneak a peak" part was 100% in there, and it was just somehow so menacing in how nonchalant it was, as if it was actually a fucking request and not a "Do this or die" thing) I just picture this very fake psychopath charming as fuck, and I want to know more about him.
Sorry, I'm kind of rambling here. I gotta get those books again, I'm getting the itch real bad now.
The_Dirty_Carl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:16:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think a lot of my problem was the inconsistency with the setting. Gunslinger had such an interesting setting (I'm definitely with you on it being better artistically), and I was pumped to go back for the second to see more of the world. Instead, The Drawing of The Three dumps us in all of these modern-day settings which were not what I signed up for. And those characters sticking around were a constant reminder that as cool as Roland's world was, we could end up somewhere mundane at any time, for any length of time.
I haven't read them in ten years, but there are other things that still stand out as discordant. The robot cowboys, King literally writing himself into the story, the monorail.
There are still great scenes that stick with me, like the indescribable worm pursuing the party through those underground tunnels, the circle of wizards opening a portal for the party with the swinging crystals, passing over the plain of horrors from From a Buick 8, the library of people gnawing at the ley lines with their minds.
Gunslinger, Wizard and Glass, and the Dark Tower were my favorites because those were the ones most about Roland and his past. I get that King's concept for the series was to tie all of his worlds together, but that's not Gunslinger pitched, and it's not what I signed up for. Wizard and Glass and The Dark Tower delivered what Gunslinger promised - tales focused on the last Gunslinger.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:28:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved Blaine the monorail. So much awesome build up. Good cliffhanger, horrifically bad conclusion. Dead baby jokes are not riddles. I haven't read Wizard and Glass or beyond so hopefully I'll forget everything you said, although I already knew about King writing himself into the story.
I would have been furious if I read them at the time, waiting years for Blaine to be killed by a fucking dead baby joke.
Honestly, I was so captivated by Drawing of the Three, but thought it was stupid that Susanna was two, seemed like he gave the name before he finished it. I also hate that character. She is awful. Suddenly she isn't racist. King definitely came off as a racist with how unbelievably stereotypically ghetto black he wrote her.
jjbutts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn son, you kill with your heart.
evilweirdo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, yeah. It's different in every movie.
UnsealedSpiral ยท 216 points ยท Posted at 01:49:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since you had to mention Harry Potter and guns, I think it's time to link the obligatory story.
frysynberg ยท 393 points ยท Posted at 02:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't he eleven?
Tonkarz ยท 158 points ยท Posted at 02:18:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the joke.jpg
earthcircumnavigator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UNABLE TO DOWNLOAD!
Dor333 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:14:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would have to American, then it works out.
AerThreepwood ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:39:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's true. The first time I killed a man in a gunfight, I was 10.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:59:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I too would love to American some day...
Notsdlog ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:45:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't that be the second movie?
pointlessbeats ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:38:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On what bathroom wall? The bathroom-entrance related monster is the second book. How embarrassing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:07:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artemis Fowl was 11 during those books, right?
Those were pretty cool mix of magic and guns
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roland was 14 and he killed a lot of people.
DirkRight ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Details.
Nathan16 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:43:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Murica
Hi_MyNameIsJack ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:36:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the most important sentence I have ever read.
ambival3nt ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:30:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this is awesome.
hahaha
stumpdawg ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
jesus christ. what the fuck did i just read.
Sacorian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:44:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welcome to reddit!
mustangbraveheart ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:15:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck that was funny.
asshole_driver ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7093738/1/Brutal-Harry
Essentially, Harry Potter as a bit of a sociopath with a gun problem.
thesandbar2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:27:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given that protego-enchanted hats exist, most likely, bulletproofing enchantments can be put on clothing. And given the fickle and arbitrary nature of magic in Harry Potter, increasing the gun's power wouldn't necessarily work because the magic might work in some stupid way like transmuting the bullet into a gerbil and redirecting it back at the shooter.
Hell, magic can even interfere with luck. A wizard drinking felix whateverthefuck potion would probably have every gun pointed at them jam without them even noticing.
A pure muggle army has no chance, because magic is magic.
It'd be impossible for muggles to even attack wizarding locations alone. For example, the bar in book 1 that marked the entrance to Diagon Alley couldn't even be noticed by muggles. If that kind of magic were applied to all wizarding residences, then how do you attack a wizard?
Of course, this flies out the window with the potential of wizards cooperating with muggle forces to inform and provide counters.
Accipiter1138 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:36:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you could enchant something to be bulletproof then a dark wizard could probably curse a bullet into piercing the enchantment. If the magical community is happy to take up technology like clocks and trains, then guns must have caught somebody's eye at some point. Good thing that wizards don't seem to have any interest in magical weapons outside the occasional sword.
...shit, a magical arms race story set in WWI sounds kind of amazing, actually.
mrbaconator1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You bastard ass now i'm craving a well written novel with this premise how do you sleep at night
thesandbar2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frankly, it wouldn't necessarily even have to be dark magic. A countercharm that evades the specific defense mechanism of the defense charm would probably do it. But that's guessing a lot about the nature of magic.
SomewhatFreaky ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:59:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, my memory of novels is very foggy but aren't inquisition and witchhunts the reason why wizards are hiding from muggles?
thesandbar2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:49:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, IIRC, there was also the other explanation of how, if magic were revealed, all muggles would want magical solutions to their problems and to meddle with magic this and that, which wizards in general thought of as a great annoyance.
Then again, in FB&HTFT, the "muggles can't find out about wizards" thing seems much more dramatic, as you say.
Edit: Speaking of witchhunts, wasn't there a mention of a witch who liked the gentle tickling sensation of fake fire in a burn-the-witch session that she let herself get caught multiple times?
SomewhatFreaky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:56:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. If that's the case then my thinking process is "well, we managed to scare them to death with pitchforks and torches, surely they wouldn't want to mess with us now when we have automatic rifles and goddamn ICBMs."
But maybe they just recognize that a great bloodshed may occur and nobody's going to be a winner in that one.
thesandbar2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A single life lost is too many, I guess.
chaosfire235 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:45:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit a muggle army could be taken down with one good spell. A single Imperio on a high up officer and they'll be left running in circles or into their own firing lines.
thesandbar2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:48:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On one hand, there are probably muggle ways to deal with that, such as requiring knowledge of a code or something that an imperio'd impersonator wouldn't know. Then again, there are ways to magic up knowledge anyways with divination and all that. There can be so many complex and amazing ways to counter magic, to which a wizard would respond by using some bullshit asspull magic spell that is... magic.
craze4ble ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:22:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-Imperio! Now tell me the protocoll for this. Okay, now do it.
Or just use legilimens and find out everything.
detection23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:32:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weren't the hats invented by Fred and George? Which means to me they be relatively new idea.
Also after certain point wouldn't the enchantment run out of "power". So maybe it could handle couple shots of .223 rounds, but could it handle 30 in matter of few seconds?
Then now we not even mentioning explosions from grenades or m203 rounds.
thesandbar2 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:15:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Depending on if limitations on the power of magic actually exist or not, extrapolating from the existence of permanent (or at least, lingering) protection charms on hats and the ability to shield all of Hogwarts in the final movie, it's probably possible to have both personal and massive area shield generators.
And I mean, magic is the essence of asspull. There's no guarantee that magic spells 'wear out' at all in that manner. For example, consider an AOE spell that detects all objects of bad intent within a certain radius. Something similar to the sneakoscope, except detecting harmful objects instead of people. Then, consider another spell that would turn such objects into gerbils. Put that in a large enough area, and most offensive muggle weaponry is broken. Would such a spell be too unbelievable for a harry potter universe? Probably. But anything even close would probably put massive holes in a muggle army's ability to harm wizards at all.
And then, consider the anti-muggle offense. Spells already exist that specifically target muggles. Turn that to any kind of murder, and you can imagine the results.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the fan-continuations of /r/hpmor did this scenario (can't write more due to spoilers), but fuck if I can remember the name.
[deleted] ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:17:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now it's just /r/dresdenfiles
qorthos ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:55:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean Harry Dresden?
zombiegamer723 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Great Hall was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:17:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually though, there's no good reason (aside from good ol' magical racism) for the wizarding world to not use purely mechanical devices like guns, or even freakin' pens instead of quills.
I can buy that complex electronics don't work around magic because magical energy interferes with electromagnetic fields, but baseline concentrations of magical energy (such as you would expect from a typical Wizarding hotspot) do not appear to affect Newton's laws of motion and gravitation without someone specifically casting a spell to that effect. As such, there's no reason for a device based purely on mechanical principles to fail.
That means that wizards don't use muggle technology due to some sense of superiority, but there's enough muggle-born wizards who lived in the regular world for some of their lives. Surely, some would have put two and two together and realized that handguns are also pretty damn effective.
Honestly, I wish we saw factions of witches and wizards that openly embraced muggle technology and enhanced them with magic, making them a formidable threat to both magical and mundane opponents.
Jedi4Hire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:35:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If that appeals to you, check out The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher. The main character is a wizard gumshoe. First book is called Storm Front, though the series doesn't really kick into gear until the third or fourth book.
raiden_the_conquerer ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 01:16:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could have Dante's Ebony and Ivory from devil may cry
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:41:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*Did you mean: 'enoby'?
Kaneharo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't remind us of that epic masterpiece.
RegularSpaceJoe ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:12:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you have against it? You a prep?
Kaneharo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How dare you kall me a fuckin prep you prep? I'll have you know I am a Satanist to the extreeme
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:57:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
โI MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENTโฆ.โ Hargirid paused angrily. โBUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!โ
frank225 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter should've carried a 1911
emberkit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, like Harry Dresden?
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say it's far more likely he would start chucking homing snitches that blow up but yeah that too.
fastjeff ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of Hagrid, we have a big bald Cort.
"You're a gunslinger, Harry."
Feywarlock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Soooo, Dresden Files?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:14:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moves to Chicago, changes his name to Dresden
DarkSpyFXD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll direct you to the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher
Do_Ya_Like_Dags_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know Stephen King has written more than the dark tower?
Mil_HouseMD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm pretty sure you just described Bayonetta
D4rkr4in ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dirty Harry Potter
TestZero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I'll stick with these."
mithikx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Snub-Nose .38
Charyou-Tree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You speak true sai, I say thankya!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it's supernatural now lol
PM_ME_2DISAGREEWITHU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And halfway through the story stops being about wizards when aliens show up.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read Skulduggery Pleasant
Redhavok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Expecto patronum = Hi Ho Silver!
Also lots of molesting
Feared77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have no idea how happy I am that DT is starting to get the recognition it deserves over King's other books :D the man himself said he'd never top them
AttackPug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. Every time he uses the wand his cancer gets worse.
fastjeff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://imgur.com/gallery/opj2Q
Somebody photoshop in some glasses and a scar!
goldenewsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, the dark tower series are complete shit.
Bob49459 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm picturing a wand here, and this in the other hand.
Hudson3205 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Already thought about this, Phoenix feathers in the bullets and you got magic spells
Xarvas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finishing in the cafeteria, Harry and Ron turned their wands on themselves.
Scrpn17w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it's Supernatural: the book?
Mail540 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where's the Harry Potter Potter should have carried a magnum copypasta
AuraXmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or as known in outlaw star, caster shells.
shapu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a James MacAvoy movie a few years ago that was basically this.
All_The_Crits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Jake Chambers and the Prisoner of the Tower"
missfarthing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:29:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, Harry Dresden...
somkoala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever heard of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality?
KiraOsteo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:19 on September 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So basically, the Dresden Files?
RandomGuyWithStick ยท 583 points ยท Posted at 01:10:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hogwarts is now in Derry, Maine and haunted by Dark Lord Pennymort.
Trust_Me_Im_a_Panda ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:17:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It which must not be named
sportsworker777 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:39:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We all leviosa down here
RandomGuyWithStick ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:45:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"We're all wizards down 'ere, 'arry."
im_ur_huckleberry3 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:09:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm alot of US towns are named after places in Ireland and the UK aren't they
MrMumble ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moreso in the original 13 states.
im_ur_huckleberry3 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:26:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah Canada has a few too. Letterkenny is the one I notice as i live next to the one in Donegal. Was pretty weirded out when i saw a 5th show called letterkenny
redwall_hp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:23:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1/3 Ireland and the UK, 1/3 Native American names and 1/3 random names of countries. Like China and Poland.
Messerjocke2000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:15:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don' t forget about all the german towns. Hamburg, Frankfurt, Bismarck...
612WolfAvenue ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:12:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could see Hogwarts in Castlerock. Before trying to get the Sorcerer's Stone he opened up a gift shop but wasn't able to make rent.
DreadnaughtHamster ยท 2277 points ยท Posted at 02:57:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THE SORCERER'S STONE
HARRY POTTER BOOK 1
by STEPHEN KING
CHAPTER 1
THE BOY WHO LIVED (IN HIS OWN IMAGINATION AND WITH DEMONS ETERNAL)
"Give us peace through the edge of darkness, for only then will darkness come before you." - Newt Scamander
"Rock the fuck on, rock the fuck on." - Jerry Lee Lewis
Down a shithole road in a shithole neighborhood ran Privet Drive (tonight a damp and stormy night, like most nights on Privet Drive as Privet Drive was in the central-most part of London, as you surely well know good reader), the same drive where old Miss Meriweather once found an eviscerated toad bearing an upside down cross that became national news and Walter Mumford (janitor of Liptonson High, bass fisher extraordinaire) killed fourteen children in his basement and strung them up with fishhooks, lived a boy named Harry Potter (a wholesome name as ever he thought there was one, thank you very much). Harry Potter lived with his aunt Petunia Dursley and his uncle Vernon Dursley and their fat little chickenshit of a son, Dudley Dursley. And a dud Dudley was, making his namesake as close to prophetic as you better fucking believe it could be, you see.
One day, Harry Potter had had enough of Dudley Dursely's horse shit, so in a fit of anger, he took a cleaver to the fat boy's face (a merciless operation if ever there were one), the Magic coming to the forefront of his mind from some dark, cobwebby recess in the back of his dark and troubled imagination, in a bright flash of crimson (The Magic is coming back, coming back, Harry Potter thought, the idea giving him both unimaginable terror and a hard on). The Dursley boy's nose came straight off, blood gushing in an arc across the kitchen table and Dudley Dursley clutched the bleeding fat stub of his nose and he ran, squealing, from the room like a pig narrowly evading slaughter.
Vernon Dursley, coming down the stairs to investigate, spotted a letter at the base of the front door: Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, the envelope read. "Cod swallow," Vernon Dursley said, and chucked the letter into the fire before attending to his son's hemorrhaging nasal region. Vernon Dursley spotted Harry Potter dart toward the bedroom under the second-floor stairs (a bedroom the size of a spice cupboard but more of a bedroom Harry ever thought it could be) and he grabbed the boy by his hair, raked him three times on the face and yelled, "HARRY POTTER, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"
Harry reeled backward and in a fit of raw and terrible emotion, he imagined Vernon Dursley's head exploding in a bright flash of red and gore and bone. (The Magic is coming, the Magic is coming.)
And it did.
(Edit: spelling and minor alterations.)
[deleted] ยท 1043 points ยท Posted at 03:26:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 05:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's the same "ancient quote" "modern rock lyric" pairing that he does all the time.
trampled_empire ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All it's missing is a mention of Arc Sodium lights and somebody smiling wanly.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He even down to the Americanised detail of "Sorcerer's".
ForgotMyFathersFace ยท 427 points ยท Posted at 03:20:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy reads some Stephen King.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:27:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ayyyyyyyyy buddy maybe you could fucken learn to shoot properly instead of forgetting the face of your father
Tyestor ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:25:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he also read at least the first chapter of the philosopher's stone.
midnightbrett ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 04:03:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except they're not riddled with spelling and grammar errors
tophusurvivor ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 05:53:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's a shame you aren't riddled with pedantry.
HabitualSnubnose ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:24:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why is this so accurate
Apfelstrudel1996 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:26:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nasal religion, eh?
PM_ME_CUTE_PUPPYS ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 03:33:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God nose no bounds
trolllface ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:46:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He smells in mysterious ways...
Sqrlchez ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:59:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's midnight and I'm trying not to laugh or else I'd wake up my parents.
AerThreepwood ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:03:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get out of their bed.
Sqrlchez ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:13:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
( ยฐ อส ยฐ)
( o อส o)
( 0 อส 0)
( O อส O)
( () อส ())
( ( อส) อส ( อส))
( ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ) อส ( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ))
( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)( อกยฐ อส อกยฐ)
TacoRedneck ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hacked it right off with a clever
iflythewafflecopter ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:52:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right before the cod swallowed.
PM_ME_CUTE_PUPPYS ยท 67 points ยท Posted at 03:34:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is great, have some gold โบ
First gold I've ever given.
DreadnaughtHamster ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:53:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you!
mommas_going_mental ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:58:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Definitely a worthwhile post to gild!
OpLickem ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:55:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe needs to include an introduction to the neighbours, the local bartender and the withered man that sells fresh fish to the Dursley's every Wednesday.
Redhavok ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 04:16:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The quietest street in all of Maine, [27 pages about the history of the street that has no impact on the story whatsoever]
tophusurvivor ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:55:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We get a call back at the end when, as professor quirrel crumbles, the next door neighbor has a heart attack.
TheHeartlessCookie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:30:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NOSES FOR THE NOSE GOD
Njosnavelin714 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:24:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome and not getting the credit it deserves!
GloryMacca ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome! The Jerry Lee Lewis quote is perfect. Only thing missing is random shit words that have a future reveal in italics.
MetadonDrelle ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:38:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WEE NEED ALL 7 (If you count the written Play, 8) REWRITTEN AS THIS SHIT.
TotallyBat-tastic ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:59:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You had me at the epigraphs
dingoransom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:34:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Keep up the good work!
Revayne ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:58:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That "hemorrhaging nasal religion" must have some messy churches.
NoThrowLikeAway ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:19:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All must worship the Great Green Arkleseizure or fear the wrath of The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief.
suudo ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His nose ran screaming from the room? That's one religious nose.
action_lawyer_comics ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done. I can even hear this im Stephen King's voice.
Aitocir ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:49:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read the part with the nose to mean the severed nose ran out of the room. Was totally cool with it and kept reading. This makes me wanna read some King.
musicman827 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:51:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just read this in Morgan Freeman's voice like it was the Shawshank Redemption.
misa1233 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:33:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If king ever needs a ghost writer you would be a perfect choice
DreadnaughtHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:27:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks!
LukasKulich ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:34:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love you, this is spot fucking on
ThriceTheTech ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:47:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In his own imagination and with demons eternal would be a great Coheed and Cambria song title
theseus12347 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:17:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This deserves gold
cockOfGibraltar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now just make each parenthesis as long as this whole post is now and you'll be pumping out best sellers like your Stephen King.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hoooooooooly shit, this is fucking gorgeous.
tophusurvivor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just wanted to thank you for this. Hilarious and spot on in both respects.
612WolfAvenue ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:13:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow. I'm actually watching It while taking a break from reading the book. Hardest laugh I've had all day.
badhoneylips ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:12:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing ๐
ChetHerbie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:46:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I enjoyed this very much. I had to stop and re-read the first sentence in the second paragraph a few times. I believe you misspelled "Cleaver."
genios ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:03:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I automatically read this in the voice of Garth Merenghi, and I don't regret it.
Minsc_and_Boo_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:12:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ive been reading It for a couple weeks now and you nailed it! :D That's great!
DreadnaughtHamster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:22:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! Love your username. (Go for the eyes, Boo, go for the eyes!)
orentago ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome and hilariously dark! Though trying to imagine privet drive in central London was hard lol.
Freak15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:47:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would rather see Joe Hill's Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:05:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well done. I haven't read King in a while, but I don't think he spoke directly to the readers. He'd speak about them. I.e - "If you had looked at John in that moment, you would've seen his pain.", as opposed to "good reader" or "thank you very much". Maybe I'm wrong. I was into Koontz and King as a kid.
DreadnaughtHamster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading IT right now. He does say stuff like "and there you have it, gentle reader."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:42:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny. I was thinking of IT. The part at the beginning where Georgie fucking ate shit stuck out to me as a kid. Well, the whole murder stuck out. I'll read IT again before the movie is out.
DalekaniumEgg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:49:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more (Turtle).
smithee2001 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This guy cokes.
HellfireKyuubi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
6/10 no awkward rape scene
bliow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/UnexpectedEdwardBulwerLytton
SolicitorExpliciter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking-A.
Magnesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, King would start the story later and covered what you wrote in retrospections.
DreadnaughtHamster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
ForksOnAPlate13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give us more, please!
radix4801 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 02:59:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'll suck you in with 1300 pages of unique world building, then you find out Voldemort is just a bored alien the end.
the2belo ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see the scene where Harry and Ron are in the Ford Anglia at 3,000 feet, flying through the pristine steel blue sky, and they strike the Dome.
SimplyQuid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm still slightly disgruntled about that.
bradorsomething ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:10:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Yer a killer, Harry."
marksmaker ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:15:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hermione's hair getting described for 3 pages... a half chapter about the upbringing of the guy who makes the brooms for quiddich... countless times Harry fingers his scar and reflects on his responsibilities... I can totally see it.
Frank_the_sinatra ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 02:18:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The endings would be horrible.
[deleted] ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:13:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
notsostandardtoaster ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:27:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
epilogue =/= ending
scleep ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:52:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it wasn't bad. She just wanted to give a happy ending that fans would love and that's exactly what she did. It was cliche yea, but through the journey it was what readers wanted
-Mountain-King- ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:57:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except that many readers despise the ending.
Frank_the_sinatra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't read her work in years since I was young. Only seen the films and not sure if they differ or not.
Magoonie ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then there would be a weird, out of place part in the book. Like Harry, Ron and some of the other boys running a train on Hermione so they can escape the Chamber of Secrets.
cockOfGibraltar ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:46:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King can never resist an adolescent gang bang
cleeder ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:13:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pffft. Who can?!?!
Frank_the_sinatra ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:41:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably a few girls there would join in aswell, I like to think.
pastelogram ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:30:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Halfway through Voldemort dies in some weird, accidental, anticlimactic way and then gets replaced with an ancient evil that can take different forms so it can be tied in to Dark Tower in some stupid way.
Dokterrock ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:38:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least the magical negroes would make more sense.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:11:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Frank_the_sinatra ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:38:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
11/22/63 was good with its ending. And even that wasn't his idea, apparently.
CrouchingTortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ALIENS
IvyRaider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meh... make it a giant spider
Dense_Necros ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King was actually a rather large fan of Rowlings work.
damthesehigheels ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:04:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That explains the boxes of Harry Potter brand Sneetches in Wolves Of The Calla.
Dense_Necros ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly right
wrathy_tyro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:26:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The man in black fled across Godric's Hollow, and the infant followed."
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:06:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out "Firestarter"
BankaiPwn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:59:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just one more push.
I got into that book at a fairly young age. such a good read.
lastrideelhs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:30:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like George RR Martin's cover more personally. But King would be interesting
Premaximum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:37:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I look forward to reading half of a series and having to get my closure through a television show.
TonysSeasoning ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:20:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You get through 7,000 pages and realize Voldemort was just fucking with Harry?
mbek2000 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:27:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's rendition of Harry Potter.
stangytangy ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:40:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Weasely siblings are all suddenly a lot closer to each other
ATRDCI ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Specifically the twinstheyalwaysactedasiftheysharedahead
Isickatthat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:57:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry's summers at the Dursley's would have been a lot longer
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mbek2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god, that's amazing.
LususV ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:50:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First thing that came to mind.
XcessivFour ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:16:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing, this is exactly what I came here to say
Atheist_Republican ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came in here to say this! Would be excellent.
mr_chip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out "The Eyes of the Dragon," a YA fantasy novel by King from 1984.
uucc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Checkout The Magicians by Lev Grossman
DeweyBeatTruman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See I want to see Potter done by Neil Gaiman. That might just be because I loved Neverwhere though. Pretty similar
Thendofreason ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On another note Stephen King has praised JK many times as a writer.
chet_ubetchaa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:07:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much potential.
Effectuality ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 00:42:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, beat me to it.
raiden_the_conquerer ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 01:15:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
gotta have quicker hands young blood
matthewtheninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was actually thinking George R. R. Martin doing a cover of Harry Potter.
HitchikersPie ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 00:52:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fap fap fap
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:05:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What kind of pie is that?
Deadpool1205 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:05:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here lol came specifically to say this one haha
Fizzbit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, the Dresden Files?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neville, Harry, and Ron all have sex with Hermione at the age of 12 to cement their connection. Cause that made so much sense in It
Buwaro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really don't have a single original idea. This is exactly what I thought of as soon as I read the question.
AnAnonymousSource_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The main difference would be Harry would be a writer from New England. But I came here to post this exact mashup
Angelsaremathmatical ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Talisman is kind of close. Kid, whose father died under strange circumstances, in the real world learns that he has the ability to travel to a magical world. Of course the Dumbledore/Hagrid parallel is a magical black man.
It's OK, not great but if you're looking for that sort of thing, that's about as close as you're going to get.
sf3p0x1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:42:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my first thought, too.
dethb0y ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:41:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be absolutely perfect, because:
No one writes coming of age like Stephen King.
No one writes magic like Stephen King.
he'd flip the script and turn the series into some kind of morality tale about the risks of power, the enduring legacy of hatred, and how you can only overcome it through personal strength.
But the real kicker would be that you sympathize with and hate Voldemort, but you also sympathize with and hate Dumbledore.
PolloMagnifico ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:52:32 on September 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G.R.R. Martin...
raiden_the_conquerer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:49 on September 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WTF you doin outside of askmen dawg this is 4 months old
PolloMagnifico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:17 on September 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh, I use a 3rd part reddit app and still had it set to at "Top - All Time" from browsing the... less savory subreddits.
2ManyToots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always though George RR Martin would have written an excellent version of it.
TheTrub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would also be completely fine with a Maine native narrating the audiobook of Harry Potter.
RogueSquirrel0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sure he'd do a great job at that, but I'd prefer to see him cover some classic short stories like Aesop's Fables and The Giving Tree.
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NO NO NO, George R. R. Martin's Harry Potter, or his rendition of the LOTR trilogy.
yoshi79 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda feel like ASOIAF IS Martin's rendition of LOTR
ShadowFox2020 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or! George R. R. Martin's version of Harry Potter
ur_fave_bae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He slipped in a few HP references in Wolves of the Calla.
intheblender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically Stephen King with anything not written by Stephen King.
jimjamiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. Tough call between him and GRRM
Irishperson69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus fuck man
def256 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
harry potter is so tightly written, i almost thing king wrote it. and i think he wrote the tv show 'lost' as well, but i'm dumb.
Bn_scarpia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ending would suck, then
Drewggles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With our luck that'd turn out like It, and Hermoine has an orgy w 5 of her classmates.
Ughable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, Hermoine Granger, and that transfer student from Maine who writes novels and brings his enchanted typewriter to school go on adventures.
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... The Dark Tower
TheNaplesFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell Yeah that was my first idea. I think it would be better than the regular series.
the_dj_zig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know I needed this til now.
Z1stCNTRYdgtlBOY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be like Metallica covering Moby
IronedSandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
an island off the coast of Scotland? screw that, Hogwarts's in MAINE
serjykalstryke2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speculation, everyone gangbangs Hermione and Jenny in the chamber of secrets to defeat Voldemort
Mark_Zajac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He might decline. They both did a charity reading where he named her the better author.
sanitation123 ยท 1570 points ยท Posted at 02:24:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L. Stine's "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe"
Edit: author's last name spelling
LoremasterSTL ยท 360 points ยท Posted at 02:59:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make it a Choose Your Own Adventure like his "The Badlands of Hark"
i7xx ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:15:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Turn to page 47 to open the wardrobe. Turn to page 62 to inspect the puppet in the corner.
Token_Why_Boy ยท 68 points ยท Posted at 03:27:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You die either way, because fuck you."
โEvery CYOA novel I've ever read
283leis ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yep...they always had a very exact way of surviving that if you didnt follow you'd be fucked, but the very first major choice you make would essentially split the book into two very different plots
Rockburgh ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 10:52:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An unfortunate necessity of the genre. Having more than one or two viable paths massively inflates the text, which will never get published and even if someone bothers writing one it'll take years.
xcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxcxc ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:07:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I picked up a Goosebumps CYOA in a bookstore this week.
I died half a page after the first, and only, choice.
eMeLDi ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:55:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a choose your own adventure book series based in Narnia. They are called "Narnia Solo Games." You create yourself as a character on a sheet in the first page and track inventory and allies that impact the choices you can make.
TryinaD ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, where can I buy it?
sanitation123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would pay good money for that.
LoremasterSTL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:05:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right?
little_z ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:21:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L. Stein's "The Importance of Being Ernest"
MagiQody ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:59:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's by Salman Rushdie
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:19:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
MagiQody ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:29:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is, I just checked
dbenc ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:14:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best thing I never knew I wanted to read.
sanitation123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right!?
smokewidget ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's Stine, you fucking philistine.
sanitation123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the correction
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:12 on August 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*philistein
Dason37 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:08:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read on audiobookโ by Ben Stein
sanitation123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm. For some reason I feel it should be Liam Neeson.
LoremasterSTL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:06:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ben Stein would be an awesome narrator for books that feature/criticize capitalism, especially if he is able to give his own commentary at points throughout.
Getoutabed ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It depends on if it's his Fear Street years of Goosebumps years
TheOriginalGarry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:23:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The original story already has kids without parents, and an adult that doesn't monitor the children, all he needs to do is add a cliffhanger at the end of a chapter that turns out to be a sibling scaring the main character
examinedliving ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's The Chronicles of Narnia
HadrianAntinous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:21:40 on June 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love this! Although they do share some subtle similarities in narrative style
examinedliving ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:15:50 on June 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:25:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<pauper's reddit gold>
sanitation123 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:27:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha, thanks.
hypmoden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
no please no
IceyLemonadeLover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, what about George R.R Martin's version?
RedDemocracy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:41:54 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Gaiman actually did a short horror story about Narnia in one of his collections.
Synapse-Decisions ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RL Stein you fucking plebian lmao
TheCrudeDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Downvote city
VelvetGoatcheese ยท 83 points ยท Posted at 01:29:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Umberto Eco's version of 'The Club Dumas'
discountErasmus ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You do know Foucault's Pendulum exists, right?
VelvetGoatcheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good point. It has been a while since I last read that one.
Have you read "Tlรถn, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius" by Jorge Luis Borges? Looking at the synopsis for Focault's Pendulum reminded me of that one.
Corund ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 18:27:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only Borges gets his ideas down in under 15 pages, and there's isn't any self fellating.
VelvetGoatcheese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:35:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am not sure what amount of pharmaceuticals will help remove that image from my mind.
greyjackal ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:05:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That made me think Alexandre Dumas covering "Semiotics" would be a brain ache :D
CobaltWho ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:41:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, I forgot about that book. I think this would make my head explode.
[deleted] ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 02:56:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald dahl covering animal farm by george orwell
lethano ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:20:59 on June 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Quentin Blake could do some good illustrations to go with it
Calciumdee ยท 370 points ยท Posted at 01:36:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is actually a project like this happening with Shakespeare right now: https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/10/02/theater/oregon-shakespeare-festival-play-on.html?referer=https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/04/21/theater/american-shakespeare-center-to-commission-38-modern-riffs.html?referer=https://www.google.ca/
slyfox1908 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:24:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are actually several: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/06/books/novelists-reimagine-and-update-shakespeares-plays.html?_r=0.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've only read the Winterson and the Atwood, but they're both very good.
elllephant ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:34:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really enjoyed Hagseed. I've seen the Tempest twice - it's probably my favourite Shakespeare - and I thought Atwood great things with it!
geraintm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:55:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Anne Tyler's version of the taking of the shrew, because I would read Anne Tyler covering any book ever.
aaronsweber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Story of Edgar Sawtelle is basically Hamlet.
princess-smartypants ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:45:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Curtis Sittenfeld' s Eligible is an updated Pride and Prejudice, and Alexander McCAll Smith did Emma. Maybe there should be another thread of existing ones.
Go_Habs_Go31 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:28:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I asked this question on /r/shakespeare recently and hopefully people here see this comment:
Which historical figure do you wish Shakespeare had written about? (Any historical figure before or after Shakespeare)
polkadotdream ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:53:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kublai Khan
TheExquisiteCorpse ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:21:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stalin. Better yet, an entire cycle about the early Soviet Union from 1917 to WWII. It would be just like his roman histories: betrayal, civil war, fiery political speeches.
Go_Habs_Go31 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:32:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this was possible in an alternate reality, that would be quite the masterpiece.
However, megalomaniacs like Stalin and Hitler would probably be a little too overjoyed by Shakespeare writing about them.
nakedcellist ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:43:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should watch the Macbeth with Patrick Stewart
lithiumstiffs ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:06:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we're going any time even after his death, Gandhi.
ILoveMeSomePickles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:30:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basil II, or basically any other Basileus of the Romans. That shit was byzantine, and Will could tell a story.
Go_Habs_Go31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That William sure was quite talented.
Hit-Enter-Too-Soon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a big fan of Ryan North's "Romeo and/or Juliet" and "To Be or Not To Be," which are choose-your-own-adventure type books based on the obvious Shakespeare plays. They're fun to read, very cleverly written, and have some great artwork.
http://romeoandorjuliet.com/
epraider ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:14:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would kill to see Lin Manuel Miranda take on any of them.
Love3dance ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People have been covering Shakespeare since the 1500's
kVIIIwithan8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:52:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read about this actually. Not sure how it's different from No Fear Shakespeare. Personally, I think it'll kill the plays because the language is so nuanced in its current form, modernizing it imposes a lot of new meanings. I also think that good acting and directing make it understandable in real time (and if you really need to catch every single word, you can bring a copy of the play when you go to see it and follow along anyway).
However, I think we've seen a bunch of modern interpretations of Shakespeare (although not line by line translations like the project proposes) that have been pretty successful. West Side Story, for example, works really well. The Lion King also works.
Calciumdee ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:11:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree with you that the plays are meant to be seen, and good direction makes good Shakespeare; I adore Shakespeare's originals, for the record, and think they're plenty accessible.
But, if I'm understanding correctly, the intent of this project is not to "modernize" as much as to literally "cover" them, to use OP's term - like, take Karen Hines "style" and lay it over Shakespeare. That's why this post brought it to mind for me.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Welp, looks like I'm going back to OSF once this is ready
verbose_gent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this has been done a few times with 3 Little Pigs and Red Riding Hood.
Lukifer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeare Presents: Terminator The Second
CuntSmellersLLP ยท 552 points ยท Posted at 02:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's version of the last season of Game of Thrones.
mercedene1 ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 04:24:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmfao
coolkid1717 ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 05:02:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one ever said about when you get to read it.
Estellus ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:10:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most unlikely idea here.
IMR800X ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 11:59:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He could still make it, but the smart money is on the pork chop sandwich winning in the end.
misa1233 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 10:36:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you made me sad
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:42:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the most unlikely one in this thread
thr33pwood ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 07:41:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's... dark.
charizard77 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:13:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Triggered
zealous_curator ยท 661 points ยท Posted at 01:24:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Hobbit" by Charles Bukowski
SeeYouInBlack ยท 587 points ยท Posted at 01:40:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The adventures of Frodo the heroin junkie and Gandalf the male prostitute.. they find this ring, man, and they figure it's worth a fix and a handle of Popov. So they head to the pawn shop, but it's not easy making it through the shire aka North Hollywood.
AntipodalBurrito ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 02:56:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The opening scene would have Bilbo Chinaski plastered to high hell in his derelict tree house while he starts The Hobbit. Frodo, not giving a Balrog's ass that Gandalf was coming to town, would be banging Rosie in the Green Dragon while Sam was out cutting the verge.
I think, with no uncertainty, that Gimli would be the only character that wouldn't have to be rewritten.
bverde536 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:28:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just read Post Office and both of these are perfect.
holy_cal ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:31:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ham on rye is my favourite
Dipitydoodahdipityay ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:53:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So good and so depressing
CrowdyFowl ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 13:59:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gimli was actually a proud Dwarf Lord in the books, connected to the line of Durin. He was essentially Dwarven aristocracy.
liberal_texan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:21:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Smeagol wouldn't have to change much either I don't think.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:45:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*Bilbo
dcnblues ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:23:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much been done. If you haven't read Bored of the Rings, give it a try. Highly recommended.
โDo you like what you doth see . . . ?โ said the voluptuous elf-maiden as she provocatively parted the folds of her robe to reveal the rounded, shadowy glories within. Fritoโs throat was dry, though his head reeled with desire and ale. She slipped off the flimsy garment and strode toward the fascinated boggie unashamed of her nakedness. She ran a perfect hand along his hairy toes, and he helplessly watched them curl with the fierce insistent wanting of her. โLet me make thee more comfortable,โ she whispered hoarsely, fiddling with the clasps of his jerkin, loosening his sword belt with a laugh. โTouch me, oh touch me,โ she crooned. Fritoโs hand, as though of its own will, reached out and traced the delicate swelling of her elf-breast, while the other slowly crept around her tiny, flawless waist, crushing her to his barrel chest. โToes, I love hairy toes,โ she moaned, forcing him down on the silvered carpet. Her tiny, pink toes caressed the luxuriant fur of his instep while Fritoโs nose sought out the warmth of her precious elf-navel. โBut Iโm so small and hairy, and . . . and youโre so beautiful,โ Frito whimpered, slipping clumsily out of his crossed garters. The elf-maiden said nothing, but only sighed deep in her throat and held him more firmly to her faunlike body. โThere is one thing you must do for me first,โ she whispered into one tufted ear. โAnything,โ sobbed Frito, growing frantic with his need. โAnything!โ She closed her eyes and then opened them to the ceiling. โThe Ring,โ she said. โI must have your Ring.โ Fritoโs whole body tensed. โOh no,โ he cried, โnot that! Anything but . . . that.โ โI must have it,โ she said both tenderly and fiercely. โI must have the Ring!โ Fritoโs eyes blurred with tears and confusion. โI canโt,โ he said. โI mustnโt!โ But he knew resolve was no longer strong in him. Slowly, the elf-maidenโs hand inched toward the chain in his vest pocket, closer and closer it came to the Ring Frito had guarded so faithfully . . .
thatguy1977 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:32:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They find a cock ring
1nfiniteJest ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The balrog has found them and they do not care.
I_THROW_U_AWAY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comes across like a rick and morty episode description.
Zearkon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out /r/DnDGreentext for more gay gandalf in the story, of hands and hookers
firelock_ny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bored of the Rings, 1969.
tiny_tims_legs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to read this book now. Reminds me of the Myth series by Robert Asprin!
firelock_ny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IMO it's a good thing it was a short novel - the level of humor was funny in a small dose, but wasn't at the level that would have maintained interest for a longer piece like what we expect from Asprin or Pratchett.
tiny_tims_legs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree. It worked much better as a series. My favorite joke in the books will always be about the Pervs.
alwaysdrinkingcoffee ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 03:01:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
zealous_curator ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazing.
petripeeduhpedro ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:28:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is amazingly on point. The rambling off topic is wonderful
OctopusEyes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, I can hear this in his voice. A+
SeraphTwo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:34:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't it elves that don't get hangovers?
launchpadthegreat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:11:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Gandalf brought Dwarves and the Dwarves brought vodka, so I didn't mind so much that they were crashing at my place."
OctopusEyes ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:29:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I considered telling Gandalf to get stuffed. I didn't ask to have this great burden of adventure thrust upon me.
I held no delusions as to what existed outside the confines of my comfortable hobbit hole. There were to be no whimsical journeys, no all-consuming love or lovers out there. No, not for me. I was content to stay in with Bilbo, eating tea cake and mulled cider as the sun rose and set, rose and set.
The old wizard and his incessant smoke rings and his spinning of words and spells wore me down, though. Oh, how he went on about the mischief and the whores, and the sights and smells he had encountered outside the Shire. In the end, that is why I relented. And so began a series of dumb luck and bad decisions and smug elves with penchants for archery.
BrokenTargets ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:10:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bunch of dwarven revelers show up with a wizard at a hobbitโs house. The hobbit is a failed writer who drinks and constantly digs at his hemorrhoids. The dwarves need Bilbo to venture out to their old liquor store for some more boxed wine. Some dragon asshole took it over. Bilbinaski doesnโt give a shit but thereโs wine involved and maybe some tail. He steals some ring from some asshole poet who was bombing at a reading, constantly rhyming. Bilbinaski doesnโt have time for his shit so he takes the ring and runs away. He finds that it makes him invisible, so he tries to make it with some washed up bar hooker by pretending to be her dead husband.
Edit: Spacing
fistmyberrybummle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:28:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I fucking love this
fight4mizzou ยท 2113 points ยท Posted at 02:53:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Art of the Deal" by Vladimir Putin
JizzyTeaCups ยท 172 points ยท Posted at 03:32:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or classic work of literature written by Donald J Trump would be intriguing
RunningDrummer ยท 232 points ยท Posted at 03:47:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like Trump 'covering' a book like Great Expectations (Yuge
ExpectationsHopes)?JizzyTeaCups ยท 158 points ยท Posted at 04:03:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some people are calling them the Greatest Expectations in history
minneapolisboy ยท 116 points ยท Posted at 04:06:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Folks, believe me folks. I have the Greatest Expectations. People are saying my Expectations are unlike anything they've ever seen. Folks, you're never gonna get tired of it, believe me.
JizzyTeaCups ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 04:17:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Make Expectations Great Again
Luminous_Fantasy ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 04:36:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MEGA
TheDukeofSwabia ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:49:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HUGE
Stavorius ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FULLY
Ahjeofel ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 05:48:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
B I G L Y
willsherm28 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:01:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TREMENDOUS
hydrospanner ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:45:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...lomaniac
MilkyStrudel2k15 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:13:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm great friends with Expectations, Expectations and I are great friends, the best of friends
BadgersForChange ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 06:06:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mrs. Havisham, who is a six by the way, ...
wellitsbouttime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
other folks call it "Chapter 11."
willsherm28 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:02:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the worst unfortunate event in the history of unfortunate events, maybe ever.
Bears_On_Stilts ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:09:02 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Book the Second: in which Pip moves on Estella like a bitch."
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:21:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is no creepy bitch in mine. I replaced with Ivanka. That's some Great Expectations, if I was married....who the fuck am I kidding... I want to fuck my daughter, she is just not into it. But this book details what I would do to her. Really I only skimmed the Cliff Notes so I'm really sure what the book was about but I assure you there is no creepy bitch in my version.
MRDIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:14:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is perfect, he receives a small loan and builds walls to keep dirty prisoners from getting into cemeteries.
forthex ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 04:43:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My God, these were some unfortunate events, just terrible, the worst events ever, and let me tell you I've seen some bad ones.
theAlpacaLives ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 09:22:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were the worst of times, and it was all Hillary's fault. But they'll be the best of times, you better believe it.
ferretface26 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:52:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These were the worst events, in the history of events, ever
aqouta ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:44:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. I want to read crime and punishment by Donald J Trump so badly now.
Syreus ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 05:57:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Communist Manifesto - Donald J Trump
Safgaftsa ยท 37 points ยท Posted at 07:53:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You would not believe how exploited the working class is. Let me tell you. No one is more exploitative than the owners of capital.
Syreus ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 09:12:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Big if true.
spaceface124 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 17:44:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're gonna build a revolution, and the bourgeoisie are gonna pay for it! Trust me, I'm the best at revolutions. It's gonna be yuge!
kioopi ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 10:30:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Me
FreakyCheeseMan ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 06:37:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd settle for "The Art of the Deal" by Donald Trump.
Durzio ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 09:19:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking savage
Veganpuncher ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 07:10:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, 'The Prince' by Machiavelli?
hussey84 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 11:26:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but with polonium
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:29:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Kill their family until they agree with you."
theflamesweregolfin ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 03:28:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated Comment
Wrest216 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:45:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I spilled my soda laughing at this, dam you! Well played!
RunningDrummer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:45:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would give you gold if I could.
RAWR_time ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:00:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
or by Karl Marx?
verbose_gent ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:04:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about one written by Donald Trump.
zelozelos ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:30:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should be much higher
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:22:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This needs to be much lower.
poop-trap ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:52:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too soon.
qounqer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:40:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"1. get them to have sex with prostitute 2. take pictures of opponent having sex with prostitute 3. Murder opponenet.
Scarletfapper ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:22:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Already been done.
It's called "The Art of the Deal by Donald Trump"
factor8_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In soviet Russia, deal make you.
Alchemic_Paladin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal by Vladimir Lenin
Rizzpooch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait... which author do you want to write the new version?
jb2386 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Audacity of Hope by George W Bush
EverWatcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:04:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooooh, you wrong, but I like it.
DanGleeballs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:40:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Art of the Deal" by Vladimir Putin's ghost writer.
FTFY
JunyiiBlvc ยท -62 points ยท Posted at 03:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not the place.
crossroads666 ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 04:50:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys sure get triggered a lot for a group that hates safe spaces, don't you?
"Black kids don't have dads harhar" is "just a joke, chill" but one Trump/Putin crack and BAM "not the place"
Durzio ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:21:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You SJW f*gs always need a safespace, wahhh"
"Omg guys, my tender heart can't take insulting the lord commander of the Orange okay? Can you just please be respectful and restrict that to the proper forum?"
Fucking mental acrobatic maneuvers are ludicrous
JunyiiBlvc ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 10:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow that's pretty bigoted my guy, not all of 'you guys' are like that.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:40:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your ideology is bad bro. And your taste in leadership too.
Getoutabed ยท -29 points ยท Posted at 04:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right, pretend we don't exist
Talisman192 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 06:05:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
K
GnarlyNerd ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 06:15:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gosh. You didn't think /r/AskReddit was your safe space, did you?
tricksta616 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would if I fucking could
Edgelord420666 ยท 294 points ยท Posted at 02:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adam's slaughterhouse 5.
coolkid1717 ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 04:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Kurt Vonnegut's Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
noahconstrictor95 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 11:48:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've loved all the suggestions in this thread, but I've not gone "holy shit I'm sad this can't happen" until this one.
grasping_eye ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cant see how this has less upvotes than the top Level one
TENTAtheSane ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:14:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cat's cradle is more Adams-ish IMO
grammartist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:39:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, especially with the autobiographical tint of Slaughterhouse.
kartuli78 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:59:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would rather see his treatment of Sirens Of Titan
Metraxis ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:03:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Billy Pilgrim had lost the knack of Thursdays. Not intentionally, mind you, but on a spectacularly bad day in the quaint German Town of Dresden.
Aayin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 19:32:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"So it goes."
He supposed it did. Especially on Thursdays.
Faress21 ยท 24546 points ยท Posted at 01:28:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's "The Bible"
BRG820 ยท 4436 points ยท Posted at 01:42:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Jews would have been lost in that desert for so much longer than 40 years.
H0lyH4ndGrenade ยท 1902 points ยท Posted at 02:30:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They would probably wander the desert forever, but also be immortal.
Horrible_Harry ยท 1098 points ยท Posted at 03:02:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. They'd be forced to wander the desert to search for something they can't find, and once they find it, they can go home to the promised land. Only to find that what they were searching for is a mystic form of death itself. In doing so, making them quasi immortal because it takes so long to find it and they can't die until they do.
kboy101222 ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 04:09:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, if this was actually a story in the Simirillian, I wouldn't be surprised
Horrible_Harry ยท 55 points ยท Posted at 04:22:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brutally heartbreaking and bittersweet beauty is what Tolkien was a master at second to his mastery of language. He was a genius.
kboy101222 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:27:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is a fantastic writer, but he just has the problem that he likes to develop scenes and characters too much, which will turn most average readers off instantly. Hell, I've always been a slightly above average reader and getting through the Hobbit alone was like trying to reach gold in a pile of thorns
septober32nd ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 04:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Hobbit was a pretty easy read. He wrote it for children after all. The Silmarillion is a real slog at times though.
IAmA_Catgirl_AMA ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 08:59:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty good as an audio book. Though I have to admit I might have to listen to it another two or three times before I can remember more than the first quarter
dutch_penguin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:52:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's like the Illiad in that it's better the second or third time you read it. Less time worrying about remembering all the names and more times spent enjoying the epicness.
SirDentremont ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:30:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love the Hobbit. I didn't until about 3/4 into it because I found Bilbo's constant complaining and entitlement insufferable. Once he got over his stupid hole for a house and owned his adventure I enjoyed the tale far more.
jrmunro11 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit I find to be like nearly every other book. It's a children's a book lol. If it's a trouble to get through, The Lord of the Rings will be impossible for you, The Silmarillion is beyond that, even. Tolkien's problem (I don't see it as one, but I understand why others might), is that he's a world builder first, and a story teller second.
dutch_penguin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:55:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda thought that was his answer to "why is God an arsehole"; without tragedy beauty isn't as beautiful.
xDominus ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:31:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude, I'm so putting this in my DnD world
Horrible_Harry ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:39:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit dude! Please do! Nothing would make me happier! I've never played before, but ever since I started listening to The Adventure Zone podcast it's made me want to play so goddamn bad! I feel like I'd fucking LOVE to do some world building of my own, I just don't have an outlet for it at the moment. If you do please let me know how it goes!
Snow_Wonder ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:35:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should check out r/worldbuilding ;) It's a good place to start!
xDominus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:08:50 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will do! I already have some lore built around an ancient desert civilization that disappeared a long time ago. The few remaining members were cursed with immortality and forced to roam the desert searching for some relic that will allow them to die. They were incredibly powerful magic users (possibly Mystics? not sure...) in any case, their hubris caused their downfall and those few must pay the price
Or something like that, still haven't ironed it out yet
Horrible_Harry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool man! That's pretty freakin' dope. Seriously, you've made my night two nights in a row now!
uglydougly ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:32:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. They'd wander the desert for forty years searching for the promised land, but then as soon as they got there, Moses would show up with a bunch of giant fucking eagles. "Dude, you had access to these eagles the whole time? Did you not see that they might be relevant to our quest?"
vitrucid ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:04:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Well, bro, they said no the first time I asked because 'something something this quest is rigged and we can totally hide in the mountains forever so fuck y'al you can sort it out' crybaby shit. But soon as we looked like we might succeed, THEN they were willing to get involved. Sissies..."
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:16:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So Eagles is basically US...
spare_me
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:41:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, WWI/II US maybe. Unless the eagles decided to go around and fuck shit up everywhere they pleased after the events of Lord of the Rings.
Sir-Cunt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:31:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah. They'd be the orcs
Toisty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I can't remember how much I have smoked. I'm in trouble.
Horrible_Harry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit! I'm sorry! If it's any consolation, I have nothing to smoke because I don't know where to find any. So smoke one for me my friend!
Track607 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:03:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want some?
killinmesmalls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll take 3 please, thanks
Track607 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the going rate?
GamerMan15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien? Is that you?
Well done, that's a hauntingly beautiful image.
Horrible_Harry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:29:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! But no. I'm just some dickhead who really likes Tolkien.
GamerMan15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:35:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So are we all
MosheMoshe42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oil? I always suspected they were actually looking for oil.
SecretlyaPolarBear ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:18:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not so far from a story that Christians made up about the wandering Jew. A part of the Jesus story is that he said he would return within the lifetime of someone that was alive at that time. However after a few hundred years of waiting they realized that it was pretty much impossible as everyone alive in the year 33 had died. So they made the story of a Jewish fellow that was cursed/punished to wander the earth forever, thus being the one who was alive at that time and would be alive for the return and rapture and all that other stuff
Drachefly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:09:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TBF, IIRC there is already a Jewish tale of some guy who's cursed to wander around immortal.
Psi-mutant ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:38:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand. Isn't Minas Morgul supposed to be Jerusalem? I don't think Tolkien had any romantic, immortal idea about the Jews
TheSleepyJesus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I like this.
hitops1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The movie would be at least 3 parts, just for the desert.
kingeryck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peter Jackson makes 18 movies out of it.
gigglefarting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jewlves
zachlinux28 ยท 613 points ยท Posted at 01:45:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
40 billion years. Searching for dinosaurs.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:21:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would want to read the book that came after the Bible, about what the Jews did in the desert for 40 billion years. Sounds really interesting.
It could be called The Bible 1.5
zachlinux28 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Bible: revised edition." I think the Mormons came up with that one first.
elswampthing7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:32:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Life finds a way bro
climbingbuoys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only if Peter Jackson directed.
John III would be a trilogy.
AdvocateSaint ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:33:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is almost three times the age of the observable universe
zachlinux28 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:41:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Implying we know how old the universe is. Even the "observable" universe's "age" is pretty variable. It's a lot of conjecture based on a little. Even NASA says that they could be wrong by "about" 59 million years!
AdvocateSaint ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 21:27:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
-There is evidence to support the timeframe of 13-14 billion years
-Again, it's a well-supported theory
-Irrelevant, that time span is incredibly small in the scale of the universe. The earth alone is about 4 billion years old.
I wasn't trying to ruin your joke, I'm just commenting on how LONG your chosen time period was.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:14:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
12 pages describing manna
gizmoman49 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:07:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't the Eagles just carry the Jews to Israel?
muzakx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suddenly, Eagles.
RedsDead21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what, now they're just on a dark desert highway?
proboardslolv5 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And they'd be singing songs while they were there
Estelindis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It only took the betrayed Noldor three years to cross Helcaraxรซ. :)
tennisdrums ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But you know the description of the desert would be thorough.
arbivark ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"40" is a jewish idiom for "many". so if it rains for 40 days, or jesus goes to the destert for 40 days, it just means "for a long time.".
badpenguin455 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
374 page description of fangorn desert.
ver-em ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The poor Jews can never catch a break
caanthedalek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, but they'd eventually be rescued by a bunch of giant eagles.
1jl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously how the fuck do you get lost for 40 years?
Notben5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By going in circles in a desert.
Pandiosity_24601 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But they wouldn't be lost
arbitrary-fan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ten commandments would probably involve a lot of singing
peace_love17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus would stop and sing every 5 pages.
1800OopsJew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
zdelarosa00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasn't it 40 days and 40 nights?
Notben5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're thinking of the flood.
zdelarosa00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True
DanglyTwanger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, it'd still be 40 years. It would just take about 40 years to read about it though
Prehistoricshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moses: I have no memory of this place
Scarletfapper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if they'd had a map it would've only taken 6 days, so 40 years actually sounds about right
madhi19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well the Noldor got to wander Middle Earth for a full age...
JawsyMotor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, the Eagles would have found them at 40 years lost on the dot.
Excuse_Me_Mr_Pink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A mine....a miiine!
imperial87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why didn't Moses just have them take the damn eagles!
rosebudisnotasled ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:02:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine how many Peter Jackson movies we would have got out of that
MrDaddyPoppa ยท 1651 points ยท Posted at 02:54:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This exists. Tolkien was a notable contributer to the Jerusalem Bible. An alternative Catholic bible that was based off the idea of doing an English translation from the original Greek and Hebrew texts. Skipping the Latin Vulgate middleman.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerusalem_Bible#The_translation
dexmonic ยท 135 points ยท Posted at 03:10:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In what you linked it says that the translation was done from French, with an occasional glance at the Greek and Hebrew texts. Unless I've read that wrong.
MrDaddyPoppa ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 03:17:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That seems to be controversy being discussed. That it relied heavily on French translation. But the original intent was to do a direct as possible translation. That is how I read it.
LazarusRises ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:39:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so fucking interesting. Cheers.
Ethrien ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 03:20:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That line is a qoute of a single reviewers opinion, could still be true but it isn't what was claimed by the people doing the translation or apparently a common view.
AtoZZZ ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 04:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing is, as someone who used to study the Torah in Hebrew as a child, there's so much that involves the actual phrasing in Hebrew, as well as the numerical value of letters (gematria). It's impossible to translate the Old Testament accurately, there's simply too much lost in translation. Plus, it wouldn't make sense without commentary (like Rashi, Midrash, etc), because so much is left for translation.
I wish it was that easy :(
DeathLessLife ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 08:39:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure if I agree with you there. As another person who read the bible in Hebrew, I think you don't need the commentary to understand the message of the Bible. Hillen even managed to do it in one sentence.
I am a strong believer that the Bible should be looked at as a moral story that reflects the fears and worries and morals of the people who wrote it, and the beauty of it is that it manages to do that, with no commentaries, even so long after it was written. The bible is humane story and I do not think that any commentaries or gemetria or anything else is needed to understand the message it is trying to tell,and while I do agree with you that the Bible is beautiful to read in Hebrew (it was written in high and poetic Hebrew even for it's time, it is believed that nobody spoke like that even in the time it was written), that is the cost it takes to not read it in its original language.
TastyBrainMeats ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 16:31:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hillel was a wise man, but he's often misquoted.
The rest is commentary - but the commentary is important. The commentary helps you learn how to keep the core.
LickingSmegma ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:59:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leo Tolstoy did the same in Russian, translating from Greek.
CSLewis21 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:12:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He primarily worked on the book of Job.
TexasRadical83 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:52:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Says Jonah on the Wiki, do you have a source on the Job thing or do you think you might have gotten it mixed up? I ask because if it was Job I'd really really like to see that.
vanillabear26 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this comment will get buried, but my life just changed for the better. I am a Christian, and before right now I claimed that I knew everything about Tolkien's scholarly work. I've never been more happy to be wrong.
LeTomato52 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:13:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that was the same principal of the King James Bible?
MrDaddyPoppa ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King James Bible is not a Catholic bible. Its protestant.
LeTomato52 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:24:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I completely forgot about that detail.
kingeryck ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:45:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize they had different versions.
ceeceea ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 13:54:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catholic Bible has more books in it that the Protestants took out during the reformation.
HGF88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:46:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fuckin james
KingPellinore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oddly, according to the Elizabethan Settlement, the Church of England is both Catholic and Protestant.
arachnophilia ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:27:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
most bibles are translated directly from hebrew/aramaic for the OT, and koine greek for the NT, usually with the oldest available manuscripts at the time. many make exceptions for specific traditional mistranslations, such as "lucifer" in isaiah 14 from the latin vulgate, and "virgin" in isaiah 7 from the septuagint.
LickingSmegma ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:58:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From what I heard, King James amended the translation to fit the realities of the time, in particular the play of powers.
(Not an authority in this matter, though.)
Astrokiwi ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:13:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hadn't that been the normal way to make a Bible translation for centuries though?
Jbird1992 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:06:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's so damn cool
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why doesn't this have more upvotes?
Double-Portion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's not strictly true based off of your link, the English language version is based off the French Jerusalem Bible that still in some places did use the Vulgate.
[deleted] ยท 12272 points ยท Posted at 01:40:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did that. It's called The Silmarillion
arcoventry ยท 2548 points ยท Posted at 02:38:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never got all the way through The Sil; it read like the book of Numbers
Lord_Rapunzel ยท 1332 points ยท Posted at 02:45:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first third is like that but it gets easier to read further in.
NotIWhoLive ยท 634 points ยท Posted at 02:48:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found the opposite actually. First bits were interesting, then they got super difficult to read.
Guitarchim ยท 320 points ยท Posted at 02:50:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How so? Lots of names and places or something?
fedao321 ยท 1096 points ยท Posted at 03:07:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That book has as many characters as it has pages, and I'm not even kidding (there is a character glossary at the end, so it's easy to count).
SemperSineFine ยท 119 points ยท Posted at 03:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Middle-Earth elves couldn't breed to save their species' foothold on the continent, Valinor elves were practically catholic.
Kelvara ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 05:46:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, they basically had nothing to do in Valinor except eat and bang.
Guitarchim ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:17:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like that's the same for the Lothlorien elves over in Caras Galadhon
boy_from_potato_farm ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and admire the A E S T H E T I C S
ToastyKen ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fwiw, I found this pdf, and the "index of names" (both characters and places) starts on page 147.
There are 679 entries.
falconbox ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:19:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire has a character glossary as well as family trees.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:20:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I would hate the George RR Martin books, both because every time I see an excerpt it seems so poorly written, but mostly because watching the show I cannot remember anyone's names beyond the "main 5" and I use those words very loosely.
RIKENAID ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:32:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually my personal favorite book series.
The reason you only seems to see excerpts that suck is because that tends to be the only thing people like to quote from it.
I feel like being able to read the names instead if just hearing them also helps me remember them better and keep them straight.
I highly recommend them. But to each their own.
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That may be true, but the people quoting it weren't doing it to say "He's bad" it was showing parts they liked, etc.
RIKENAID ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough. I just most often see people laughing about some of the more poorly written lines. But like I said to each their own. I can't force you to like them. Honestly if you just don't like his style that is just something I can't refute.
I just say give them a shot. Mind as well. Plus if you prefer audio books they are really well done for ASOIAF.
Dvanpat ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 03:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading the books actually helps me remember every single name on the show. His writing style is a blend of Medieval English with modern English, and it isn't poor at all. It's very much written to feel like it's in the middle ages, but they swear like they're living in our times.
Brother_Morr ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:11:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah no. That's the Canterbury Tales, and that's what medieval English sounded like a lot (the weird mix of Celtic, Anglo-Saxon, and french it is). Martin does a good job making it sound filthy and more modern, but it was far more poetic in the past.
JohnSmallBerries ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dunno why you got downvoted for this; your first two sentences were absolutely right. Martin's dialogue is usually (but not always) phrased somewhat archaically, but there's no Middle English in it whatsoever, nor even the pronouns and conjugations of Early Modern English ("thou wert", "she hath", etc.).
As to your third sentence, Martin's using pure Modern English, which I'd say he's making sound less modern through phrasing and avoidance of contractions.
Caboose_Juice ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:29:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're great books, I recommend giving them a go. It's only hard to remember names when u come back to the books or a random chapter and u try to remember everything
BromeyerofSolairina ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:28:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His prose is widely accepted to be bad, but just about every other aspect of the books is much better.
K-Paul ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could you clarify, what's so obviously bad about his prose? Not arguing the notion, just want to understand better. Heavy, repetitive?
blue-footed_buffalo ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:46:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's somewhat workmanlike. Compared to other current fantasy authors like Patrick Rothfuss or Neil Gaiman, his turns of phrase are solidly meh. They get the job done, but you won't break down in tears over his descriptions of lemon cake (and there is a lot of lemon cake, especially in the Sansa chapters). His strengths as an author lie in worldbuilding immersion, plot, and characterization, as well as the level of detail he puts into his work. The guy is fantastic at making believable characters, and he is a literal god at making fantasy and sci-fi worlds, even in his lesser known works such as Fevre Dream and Tuf Voyaging.
Lord_Rapunzel ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:08:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It really depends on what you want from a book. Tad Williams is perhaps my favorite living author but his romantic dialogue is embarrassing. The worlds are worth it.
PseudonymIncognito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:11:48 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd say that his background as a screenwriter shines through in his writing. The dialogue tends to be snappy and reads like a movie or TV show watches, but the rest of it is largely unadorned.
ggggtotalwarrior ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:24:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I honestly enjoy his prose. It's flows well and is easy to read without being pretentiously wordy or flowery IMO. I find it much more enjoyable to ready than shit from 50-100 years ago that feels more like it's just an author trying to show off how witty they are or how large their vocabulary is rather than trying to tell an easily digestible but also ambitious story.
monkwren ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:58:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same here. Martin doesn't brow-beat you with pretentious loquaciousness; he describes things simply, yet vividly. He's not interested in crafting the perfect turn of phrase - his is an ugly, crude world, and ugly, crude language suits it.
bld2527 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:19:52 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL The word "Loquaciousness" :) Thank you.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:33:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha
What a chuckle
barricuda ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:56:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
does the chuckle glisten redly?
Huntswomen ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:38:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As wide as a fat pink mast.
sebastianwillows ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:44:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something something Myrish swamp
Woopty_Woop ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 03:47:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever see some shit that just makes you go, "Yeah, you're a dumbass." ?
I didn't even know I gave a shit. These jokers have crossed the line. lol
barricuda ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:51:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A line as clear as a drawn line on a sidewalk.
Woopty_Woop ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't know I could still feel nerdrage.
My stance: "GRRMs writing isn't bad. Your command and mastery of English is what's lacking."
barricuda ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:05:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
because describing a "swimmers build" rather than a meager waist in a medieval fantasy era has anything to do with my mastery of English and not GRRM's ability to write. I'm not saying his story telling is bad, he's really good at that. I'm just saying his ability to write a picture with poetry is lackluster, lazy, or rushed.
But who can't help rush their writing when their fans throw temper tantrums for the next books and you make 10 commoner's yearly wage off one book.
Woopty_Woop ยท -11 points ยท Posted at 04:13:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh no, we didn't use Ye Olde English.
Never mind creating an entire world with hundreds of characters, all with their own motivations, interacting in a complex world, while through illustrative language, making the environment a character in and of itself.
And since people did swim in medieval times, saying someone is built like a swimmer isn't exactly a stretch.
This is literally the dumbest shit I've heard today, and I've heard a man with Downs sing the national anthem to the tune of Jingle Bells.
O no, don't use exact language that paints a very particular picture.
Not unless he's built like Ye Olde Lakedivers.
FOH
banjowashisnameo ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 17:02:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are wrong though, I have read them all and his description, world play etc is easily among the best. You are constantly trying to portray your opinion as fact for some reason
barricuda ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:45 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Among the best or among the best that you've read? They are written at a 9th grade reading level, they absolutely don't have prose or 'word play' or any form of poetry written "among the best" they are a children's fantasy novel written by some neckbeard who throws a temper tantrum every time he's compared to J.R.R.Tolkien, even his name is a rip off.
He's a children's books writer and you're trying to put him on a pedestal with Shakespear or Homer or even today's writers like Vladimir Nabokov, Jane Austen, or Alfred Noyes who would all take him down a dark alleyway and stomp his teeth into a cinderblock just for implying his writing is up to standards of real authors.
Get real, he's a children's writer and you are simply a fan. It's okay to like something man, it's not okay to idolize him though.
JakeofNewYork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:11 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you know what day it is?
barricuda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:51 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1940?
banjowashisnameo ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:33:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His prose is amazing, what the hell are you even talking about
Woopty_Woop ยท -40 points ยท Posted at 03:45:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you just say GRRM is a poor writer?
Excuse me while I complete discount anything else you say.
I hope you're not sitting on the cure for cancer.
UmphreysMcGee ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:13:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You just ignore the opinions of anyone who disagrees with you about anything? You must be a blast at parties.
Woopty_Woop ยท -17 points ยท Posted at 04:20:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No.
I just like to point out when it's not the work that's lacking, but your ability to comprehend/analyze/appreciate it.
Say what you want. I will defend quality art to the death, and you fucks are disrespecting a magnum opus, real talk.
Do you get sarcastic in people's faces? I bet you say you do. My experience is most people aren't willing to stand by their opinions, and I'm willing to die for mine, if necessary. It's not a threat, I'm saying 99% chance you don't really talk to people like that.
I'm not saying everyone agrees with me. I'm saying I can hear your tonal sarcasm if only because of the lack of it I hear IRL. Do you get sarcastic with everyone you don't agree with?
was_it_easy ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now now, take two deep breaths or something. It's possible to dislike something without disrespecting it. Believe it or not, when people say that a work of art is bad, they almost always mean that it is bad to them ie. there is something about that they don't like. People are allowed to like and dislike different things, and nobody needs your permission to dislike GRRM's literature.
Woopty_Woop ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 06:03:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And I don't need permission to think you're a dumbass who can't appreciate thorough, well-crafted literature.
Funny how that works.
I'm glad you wasted your response to say this. You won't be getting another.
was_it_easy ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:51:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want to give me the last word, then that's fine. While it is true that you can do whatever you want to, my point is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and goodness is subjective. What may be thorough, well-crafted literature to you might be boring and banal to someone else. And the best part is, neither of you would be wrong; you would just have different opinions.
A subpoint of this is that calling everyone who disagrees with you a dumbass just makes you an asshole. Your opinions aren't better than everyone else's, so stop trying to impose them on other people. If someone doesn't like GRRM'S books then that isn't morally wrong nor are you better than them; maybe they just don't like fantasy or found the prose hard to follow.
Here, I found a guide to help you tell the difference between facts and opinions.
UmphreysMcGee ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:53:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah.
Woopty_Woop ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We Are Not the Same
UmphreysMcGee ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:05:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why did you capitalize every word except "the"?
MultiversalTraveler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:50:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Weta
mAta
MeNa
metT
See, Meta
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:31:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A. People are allowed to like and dislike whatever they want. B. I tried to read A Game of Thrones and I hate GRRM's writing style. He's great at character development and world building, but he's just not my cup of tea.
Not everyone likes the same author as you. Don't be a dick about it and imply that they're stupid.
Woopty_Woop ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 04:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Normally, I'd agree with you.
However, it's a lil bit different when motherfuckers disrespect master-level work from artists.
Put it like this.
I am not a huge fan of classical music.
Let somebody blaspheme on Mozart in my presence.
Call me corny, but I didn't know how much I give a fuck about art, and excellence in expression until just now.
I was about to go to sleep. That's gone now.
I never knew that I gave enough of a fuck about art to fight a man about it until just now.
genericm-mall--santa ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:08:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're immature,close minded and a moron.If anyone's opinions should be disregarded ,it should be twits like you with the "disrespect master level work" mindset. When you consider criticism to be disrespect,you actually don't deserve to be taken seriously.
Pro-tip:Don't defend to death(reference to a comment of yours above)over opinions that are abhored by experts(learned,trained and intelligent literary critics have nothing but the outmost disdain for your "disrespect" mindset)
Woopty_Woop ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So says the internet.
Funny how I never have this problem IRL. Don't go, "oh that's a threat." It isn't. This is how I talk. This is how people in L.A. talk.
Been around the world, people talk like how I talk, never an issue.
Come on the internet, always an issue.
At a certain point, I realize FUCK YOUR OPINION. Real shit.
At this point responding is irrelevant. No its not bait. I'm literally saying nothing constructive is going come from me talking to you.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, not everyone in L.A. sounds like a moronic pissbaby, so I'm gonna have to disagree with "This is how people in L.A. talk."
Fire_Walk_With_Me_ ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art is subjective you dumb fuck. You might think something is a masterpiece and someone else might think it's garbage. Neither of you is right. Neither of you is wrong. You ignorant shitheel.
Woopty_Woop ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 06:35:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm only going to tell you this once.
None of our opinions matter.
Did you think this was going to change my opinion?
Do you feel any better after that?
was_it_easy ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:53:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
shh bby is ok
MultiversalTraveler ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:52:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well if none of our opinions matter that means I can shit on whatever literary works I want right?
Woopty_Woop ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 12:34:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actions still have consequences.
This is the internet, where everyone has massive teleballs. Which is why people are already talking reckless as fuck.
I'd suggest IRL that you not. Y'all think I'm wild? Shit on literature in front of the writers I know.
poobicus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:30:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oooooooooooo
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:38:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just don't particularly like his style of writing. I think the overall story is excellent.
Woopty_Woop ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can respect that.
I'm not a fan of Robert Jordan's writing style, but never in my life would I ever disrespect the Wheel of Time series, because I know what it means to a lot of people.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:29:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hadn't said that in this thread, I just stumbled across this thread. But I have been saying it out loud for years.
Yes, Martin's writing is very poor. (I personally think the story is weak, too, but that's more of an opinion than the writing style). If you think Martin's writing is so great, then you really have a treat in store for you if or when you go read so many other much higher quality writers actual books.
Just because you like the tv show doesn't make the original books good.
Forever_Insane ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 11:53:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poorly written? Its written way better than Tolkiens books.
Bainsyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha funny joke.
Forever_Insane ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:10:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's not a joke, I'm just not a fan of the writing style of adding backstories to every tree branch just to then turning out completely irrelevant to the story or characters. It fit Silmarillion because that's kinda the point of the book, doesn't work so well with LOTR in my opinion. I prefer a much more forward plot and character oriented writing style like GRRM does. It just seems less pretentious, his phrashing choices are simple but vividly and believable.
jrmunro11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd assume this comment was said just after a "I'll take "less popular opinions for 800, Alex", eh?
Forever_Insane ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 14:11:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't know what that's supposed to mean, don't get the reference sorry :/
jrmunro11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:46:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeopardy
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never read those.
GDPssb ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:23:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The same is almost true of the Bible and it's pretty easy. Then again the places actually exist, so I'm sure that makes things a bit easier.
LickingSmegma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:53:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then again, IIRC people aren't sure if some characters in the Bible are same people or different ones, plus the testaments themselves apparently borrow and mix from one another.
Let's start with
the fact that "Satan" is not one certain character, and it's not the name of the Devil or a demon.Neither is "Lucifer."DeathLessLife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:27:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure which Bible you are talking about, but if you are talking about the Hebrew Bible, then Satan is definitely a character and is an angelic being tasked with questioning everyone's decisions.
(note that my memory of the Bible is a bit hazy. It's been a while since I last read it. Great story though, I highly recommend even for non-religious people).
LickingSmegma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My bad, turns out "satan" without the Hebrew definite article is already translated differently in other languages, mostly as an "adversary."
Mpm_277 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:52:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the OT, sometimes it's transliterated as Satan and other times it's translated as "adversary". I could be wrong here, but I think an example is the story of Balaam's donkey speaking to him and not wanting to go down the path because an angel was waiting for them and would kill them. In English, it says an angel although the Hebrew is "Satan". In this instance, the angel is Balaam's adversary.
Bainsyboy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:45:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But 90% of the names are not even relevant to the story. And the story is parcelled into semi-independent stories where you can tell who is relevant to the story at that point, and can will recognise the bigger names that are relevant to the broader story.
Honestly I didn't fully digest the story until the second time I read it (and ive read it a few more times since). When rereading it, you are much more aware of the important people, places and events, and filtering out extraneous information is much easier. And you even process the more minor character's roles within the story.
It's an incredibly dense story with soo much lore. It's daunting, but if you give it a chance, you'll find that even the more mundane details lend themselves to the completeness of detail that makes Middle Earth so compelling.
SaryuSaryu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:51:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, their names all stay with F and usually they have at least two names.
nightstrollthrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like the Iliad
CrowdyFowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well it is thousand of years of history, gotta be prepared for what you're getting into.
UmphreysMcGee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"history".
CrowdyFowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well considering that it's what you call any backstory as expansive as Tolkien's (GOT history being a good example), yes.
_bieber_hole_69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to believe. Also I want to believe this is Stasik
Drachefly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:11:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A thousand years?
tlollz52 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:10:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Locations like crazy and location names change throughout the book as do some names and they use the new names more often than not. there are so many different people who have very similar names. About 10 different groups of elves and they all have different relationships with each other. It's tiring to read sometimes but the frustration is so worth it
RscMrF ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:58:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What you can't remember the difference between Fรซanor, Finwรซ and Fingolfin or Hรบrin, Tรบrin and Huor or is it Eรคrendil, Elendil, Elwing, Elrond and Elros.
Just remember Beren is a badass and you will be fine.
Man looking up these names made me want to read this book again. I have forgotten so much. What is really amazing is how it all fits together and how so much that seemed mysterious in the Trillogy now feels like it follows a natural order. It's really a brilliant collection of works.
flyinthesoup ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:58:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you can't remember Fรซanor making the Silmarills (the reason of the title of the book), then you didn't pay enough attention!
boy_from_potato_farm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:19:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I've read it ~5 years ago and I still instantly recongnized most of those characters.
tlollz52 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:45:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From the whole book Beren is the only one I really remember in depth just because Of Beren and Luthien was soooo good. I haven't read the original trilogy yet, I was told by some close friends to read the Silmarillion first, but I can see where it does help explain a lot just from the movies.
jrmunro11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Give the children of Hurin a shot. It's chapter was fleshed out into an entire book
lolofaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:27:45 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Beren and Luthien is being me into an entire book as well. Being published June 1st this year I believe.
jrmunro11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:28:44 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already bought a copy off Amazon haha
lolofaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:48 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here's to hoping it's just as good as the 20 page Silmarillion version! (also in the preface of the children of Hurin it sounds like he wanted to make the fall of gondolin into a full book as well). Cheers
Aravaen ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The key is to refer to the glossary often.
Zhang5 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On top of lots of names and places, they were more of an excuse for Tolkien to play around with his language. So you'll be reading a passage about Finwรซ and his children Fรซanor and Fingolfin and Finarfin and their kids Finrod and Fingon and then somewhere around there your eyes go cross. Especially when he starts off somewhere way later about Finarfin's tales and you're like "which one was that again...?"
Runninturtle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:54:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
like 100 Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
UltraCarnivore ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:52:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There you go: 100 years of solitude, Tolkien
Runninturtle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:04:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love it.
diffyqgirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not OC but I found the same. I really like the mythological bits about the Valar but then later there were just too many personality-less elves to keep track of.
quasiix ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien never actually finished it. It was basically a large stack of notes his son edited and had published. The closer to the end, the more gaps Christopher had to try to fill with less original narrative available.
It didn't help that Tolkien was rehashing some of the elements of his world in these notes.
MrAlpha0mega ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I found. I loved the creation myth at the beginning, but by the time I got half or two thirds of the way through, the various groups had fractured or had their leadership replaced so many times and their were so many names and relations to each other that I found it really hard to keep track of. I think there was an appendix, which I made heavy use of, but that detracted from the experience.
I imagine if I went back and had another go now it would be much easier and more enjoyable.
tatsuedoa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its basically a history of the universe of Lotr, in the first chapter you read about like 20 god like beings and as a footnote it mentions that Sauron is like a peasant servant to a third tier dude.
Its a good book to read if you like something that reads more like a history book than a fantasy novel. I don't mean that as an insult, it's basically a history book of a fantasy world.
buckykat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elves like to have several kids and name them all almost the same thing as their own name.
boy_from_potato_farm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:25:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tell that to the real medieval kings
HippyHitman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More than that. It's literally the Bible of Tolkien's world. Trying to build an entire universe in 368 pages gets fucking dense.
Edit: and the worst part is that half of the words are made-up (which is appropriate in the fantasy genre, at least until Tolkien made them all up).
ratsta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started on the Silmarillion and gave up after a few hours because it was just a lot of soandso begat soandso and they begat soandso...
Zarkovagis9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of characters are introduced that don't become important until near the end of the book. Some of those characters have 3 different names they're known by. Some chapters are just filler (one whole chapter dedicated to what the humans were up to during the first 6 chapters). A lot of times, he will reference events that happen in the world as they pertain to a specific character but won't go into detail of that event until a few chapters later. It reads like a history book written within the world of Middle-Earth. Which I think it's supposed to be.
MumrikDK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very little beyond lots of names and places.
NotIWhoLive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, lots of names and places. The first part felt like the world he was describing was very mystical and fantastic, and the writing read like that. Later on, the world felt like maybe it was supposed to be getting a bit more real, but the writing still felt super mystical and fanciful, lots of names and places, and a lot of abstract narration, rather than concrete.
polyology ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:34:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its stop and start. Good sections, bad sections. Like the Bible.
You want to read about Feanor. Beren and Luthien. Fall of Gondolin. Hurin and his children.
Those are the stories I still remember. Like Adam and Eve, Noah, David, Moses.
DontPanic- ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:52:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CurvyVolvo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:04:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea the first bits are great because it really really helps to explain why everything is the way it is in the LOTR series, and it's really cool to know just a little history behind the universe
Dalfgan_the_Blue ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly the same here. I loved the world building he did but the stories did not intrigue like those of the lord of the rings.
FluffyBlizzard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the world building acts as a great foundation, something a good author would be able to make fantastic fleshed out stories from.
Granfallegiance ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:58:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. Over and over again this.
The first third is Tolkien's hand at the creation myth. His background in folkore and theology really shine through as he crafts the beginning of his world and the base tapestry of creation.
Then it's wall-to-wall goddamned elves.
monkwren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because it starts as mythology, then morphs into history. Myth tends to read a bit easier than history, even if the actual language is just as difficult. Personally, I think it's because you can skip every fifth word and still understand mythology, whereas if you do the same for history, it makes no goddamn sense.
weirdorangething ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:14:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like the US tax code??
Big_Theta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like Christian bible
thephoton ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, just like the actual Bible?
12hangrymen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:07:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
,mn
SteveFrench12 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:16:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The whole book is less than 375 pages.
Lord_Rapunzel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:54:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's all good stuff, some of it is just hard to digest.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:56:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Easier, or are you just that numb to it by that point?
hamburgular70 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could never tell if it got much better or if I'd just gotten used to it. Took 3 solid tries to make it through the first quarter of it or so.
Citizen_Snips29 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Soooooo, like the Fellowship of the Ring then?
Lord_Rapunzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You have to set the stage before you can act on it.
HippyHitman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I got a third of the way through, thought "why am I am doing this again," finished the second third, then decided that I wasn't.
hamlet9000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:41:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Others are kind of beating around the bush here, but the Silmarillion is actually made up of several different pieces of writing by Tolkien. In order:
Short version: I'm not saying that the Ainulindale and Valaquenta are completely without interest. But I am saying that most people bounce off what amounts to prefatory material which is not representative of the actual core of the book.
I also recommend people experiment with reading the Quenta Silmarillion out loud. The language is rich and dense and beautiful, rewarding a spoken savoring of the language.
Qaeta ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:53:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you're saying he did a good job then lol
askyourmom469 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:55:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So does the Bible in a lot of places
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Runninturtle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett, The Hobbit
RedditUsername123456 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:59:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love the immersive detail, while some people absolutely hate it
MattTheFlash ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:01:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's better if you listen to the audiobook version. Really. It's quite dramatic.
FPSGamer48 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly.
brownix001 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best way is to read an audio book.
RscMrF ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commonly called and later distributed as such "The Sillmarillion" is actually a collection of five separate works which follow a general chronological and narrative order.
-https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Silmarillion
Most people, myself included, prefer the more exciting Quenta Silmarillion, which is essentially the history of elves (edit: also of course the story of the Silmarils, it's kinda the driving force behind this section), and the Akallabeth telling more about humans and their relations with elves historically. The first part, Ainulindale is neat, but can be boring to some. The first section is not that long, but if you are thinking the entire book is like this, then I could see someone getting discouraged and put it down. The later parts are much more actual stories with people and places and things, rather than a creation myth and a lot of mumbo jumbo about light and dark and discordant themes arising in the music of creation and all that.
Personally I think the entire collection is great. To me it's right up there with the Lord of the Rings itself, sure it doesn't have a single narrative like the Trilogy has, but the stories and characters in it are so fucking cool, and since it is a bit "biblical" the stories and characters have more leeway to be legendary rather than the ordinary-turned-extraordinary in the trilogy. It also just ties everything together. Ever wondered what the fuck Lothlรณrien means, or what is the deal with the Wizards. Even want to know who is this greater master that Sauron himself is but a lieutenant under. It's all in the Sillmarillion, if you care to look.
frogjg2003 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's basically Genesis.
funkme1ster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not alone, brother.
Every time people talk about how much they love Tolkien, to me that's like someone saying "Lynard Skynard is just the best band ever! I love Freebird!". The Sil isn't even a deep cut, it's the shit you read to prepare your body for the other 30-odd books.
Tolkien was a meandering, neigh-inscrutable writer who needed an editor like a diabetic needs insulin. Once you no longer have the epic bloodbaths to distract you, it really hits you in the face like 2009 R&B singer.
RonyTheTiger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Listen to the audiobook read by Martin Shore. It's actually a world of difference and is epic. It redoubles your appreciation of the world and lore.
DrSquidbeaks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You couldn't even make it all the way through the title.
vynusmagnus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just getting to the point where the Elves awaken is a chore. So-and-so, whom the elves named so-and-so lived at so-and-so, which the elves later called so-and-so...and on and on. I think the chapter was called the Valaquenta or something and I had to read it several times to familiarize myself with the Valar and there are only a dozen of them or so.
TheCatbus_stops_here ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It got easier for me when I got to the Lay of Leithian, Beren and Luthien's story.
PBlueKan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is considered Tolkien's bible after all.
stupidcooper33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:54:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right there with you. I started, got about 1/4 to 1/3 in, then had to walk away. I've been told to stick to it, and once you pass the threshold it makes it a much better book. I have my doubts.
ginja_ninja ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:42:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reading the Silmarillion is the equivalent of riding a bike up a very large hill. You pedal so hard up that first genesis segment and you're losing steam and your legs are burning and you start snaking side to side but if you can manage to push through to the top and get to the main part with the elves where it turns into an actual story, it becomes this effortless ride downhill, wind in your face, getting faster and faster the further you go.
Robert_Rocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Math rock of reading
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who took three months to read through numbers, I get this.
Kiefyking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's more a collection of notes and short stories than an actual book, you should use it as an encyclopedia while reading.
arbivark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Numbers is a pretty cool book, but I didnt read it till I was over 40. I still don't really care for the simarillion, except maybe the tom bombadill story, if that's where that is.
4609203 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought it was good and that it gets a bad wrap. It's more like a collection of related short stories.
onceagainwithstyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never got through the Bible.
JohnnyDarkside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:05:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like the bible, I only got through the first couple chapters. This guy, who was the thing of the place, traveled to this other place. He had a child, thisotherguy. Thisotheruy, became the otherthing of thisotherplace, and eventually had anotherguy.
CapnTwoSpeed ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:20:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best fucking book ive ever read
funkme1ster ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:04:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? You know Tolkien also wrote Lord of the Rings... right? Like, that's also an option in the mix here.
Could you expand on why you like it? I am legitimately confused and curious.
M0dusPwnens ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:23:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am not that person, and The Silmarillion is not my favorite book, but I vastly prefer it to the Lord of the Rings, so maybe I can offer some insight.
I love Tolkien's worldbuilding. Speaking as a linguist, I'm hopelessly biased: I mean forget about it - no one else comes close. But even beyond the philology, I think he absolutely nails the sense of an existing mythology. It feels so incredibly realistic, just like thousands of years of history and myth and reinterpretation and complexity and missing pieces and confusion and emphasis (not coincidentally, this same feel to his constructed languages is what makes them so enticing too).
So that's a big part of it. LotR touches on those things, whereas The Silmarillion is like mainlining them. I don't know if I'd like The Silmarillion as much were it not for LotR to give it a less-sketchy narrative and world to be the mythology to, but given that LotR does exist, I love The Silmarillion all the more.
The other big thing is the writing. I'm sure people's tastes differ, but I honestly don't think Tolkien is a particularly gifted writer. Incredible world-builder, incredible ideas, great story, but not a particularly great writer or a great teller of that story. His prose is merely okay, the pacing is frequently wonky, and the focus is all over the place.
But what he absolutely nails is more structured writing. The Silmarillion has all of his greatest world-building strengths, all of his strength at depicting a realistic mythology (with appropriately realistic holes, focus, etc.), and functions as an almost perfect pastiche of western religious writing. You read it and you immediately see that biblical style. I can certainly imagine a better-written LotR, but I honestly can't imagine a more perfect elf-bible.
The Silmarillion is the work that does the most to showcase the most ingenious kind of invention that Tolkien was capable of, with the most perfectly executed style.
funkme1ster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:15:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That very much sounds about right.
Like I said to the OP, I think my issue is that while I love digging up every nugget of detail on characters I hold dear, The Silmarillion was like listening to your great aunt recount conversations from 50 years ago at a dinner party with people who have been dead for 20 years. If I'm not emotionally invested in the characters before I'm railroaded into 50 pages of what someone thought about a tree, feeding me a grade 10 geneology report isn't going to change that.
That's both of you who've said basically the same thing. Both of you sound like people I'd not only get along really well with, but people who think similar to me with well-aligned habits... and yet I couldn't read Sil if you paid me. Maybe it's a difference of you looking at it world-first whereas I'm looking at it character-first?
Amusingly, I'm no closer to ever picking that book up again, but I'm incredibly fascinated with whatever minor deviations between us cause you to adore it and me to loathe it.
Also...
He was by no means a terrible writer, but people put him on this pedestal for the lore he spawned and often overlook the painful delivery it comes in. When Peter Jackson adopted the books for the films, a lot of the content was cut or altered - some because the format necessitated it, but most because it just wasn't great story in the first place and only existed because Tolkien never had an editor to tell him how gratuitous it was.
I judge a person's character by whether or not they recognize Tom Bombadil is the worst thing ever penned in history. Neil Gaiman likes him, and I still haven't resolved where I stand on that, but that's another matter.
M0dusPwnens ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:31:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here is the difference then: your hyperbolic analogy for how boring The Silmarillion is sounds absolutely delightful to me. In fact, I had a sort of "great aunt" (one of those people you call "aunt" who isn't really related to you) that would talk about her old, dead friends for hours, and I loved to listen to her (She knew Dorothea Lange! I once slept on Dorothea Lange's couch!).
Beyond that difference, I tend to like things that are very good at being what they are, without much regard for whether I love what they are (or rather, it makes me love what they are). It's like admiring the craftsmanship: what I love isn't the characters or plot of The Silmarillion, or that it's well-paced. I don't even particularly love the world. What I love is how perfectly it's constructed. I love that the world feels so real, that the mythology feels like mythology. I love that the elf-bible feels like exactly what an elf bible should be. It's a monumental work, an almost perfect creation. I cannot imagine something that is more like what it sets out to be than it is.
To get even weirder, I don't even think you need to read it like a conventional book to love it (though I have). That isn't how you read the Bible after all. I don't think you even need to read it in its entirety (though I have). If anything, the idea of someone only reading bits and pieces, of finding it boring, of skipping the genealogy, only makes it more perfect to me.
I might be able to help demonstrate what I mean with an even more extreme example: this is the book I have kept on my coffee table for years now. In my experience there are people who are completely uninterested in it beyond briefly laughing at some of the weird pictures, and there are people who immediately fall in love with it, who flip through it for a few seconds and feel electrified. I fall into the latter camp.
funkme1ster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
....that book looks amazing.
I might try to give The Silmarillion another shot. I mean, the last time I tried to read it was over 10 years ago, and I've changed since then. Everything you're saying sound just fantastic and your passion for it seems to stem from all the things I generally hold dear... and really the only counter argument I have is "well, I already tried to read it, and I didn't like it".
Perhaps I just have to push through the memories, because every word you write makes me envious of what you read.
PlasmaCow511 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:10:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm actually reading through it right now for the second time. It's a very hard read, but because of that its very satisfying when you "get" it. There are so many characters, names, places, events, etc, that including an index, map, and pronunciation system are pretty much necessary.
It's not a book you can just read through. You need to put serious thought and effort into making sense of it.
Remember the feeling you would get back in your high school math class when a problem just "clicked"? Its that feeling for 300+ pages.
funkme1ster ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:20:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who has spent immeasurable hours poring over detailed character analyses for minor characters in other stories and seeing all the minute things I missed, I 100% get that and it makes perfect sense.
I think for me the difference was that in the above, I already knew the characters and was able to make an informed choice on wanting to know more, whereas with the Silmarillion, the choice was made for me and it wasn't the one I would have made.
Thanks for sharing!
CapnTwoSpeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have middle earth tattoos I'm obsessed and I preferred the Silmarillion probably because I knew a lot of the story of the fellowship. I think the broadening of the lore library was of interest of me. I love how faery they are, almost more mystical than that of Bilbo and beyond.
CapnTwoSpeed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also because a book is about the experience you have reading them, it was also a particularly good point in my life and the book resonates with me
VideoBrew ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 02:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I laughed so goddamn hard at this mate.
Scrofl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what the upvote button is for mate :)
treefiddyseven ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sometimes the upvote button isn't enough.
AtoZZZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. Sometimes ๐ฒfiddy7 is necessary
geekmuseNU ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 03:09:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The way I look at it The Silmarillion is the Old Testament and Lord of the Rings is the New Testament
GeneralPurposeBufoon ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What is the Hobbit?
geekmuseNU ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:23:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the books of the Prophets probably. Maybe Elijah? It's setting up events to come. If Frodo is Jesus in this metaphor though then I guess that'd make Bilbo John the Baptist?
obliviouskey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually much closer to Exodus imo.
Dwarves=Hebrews (Especially if you look at the typical negative Jewish stereotype; long hair/beard, big nose, short, loves gold.) Oh also if I remember correctly Dwarvish is based off of Hebrew.
The dwarves trying to retake Erebor after being away and wandering for so long=Hebrews and their relationship with the Promised Land
Gandalf/Bilbo=Moses
Thranduil could also be compared to Pharoah as well, I suppose.
Seeing as how Tolkien was Christian, it's not really a coincidence.
-Navajo- ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:19:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The torah
geekmuseNU ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:22:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Torah is the first 5 books of the Old Testament
-Navajo- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it? I thought it was between the old and the new? Welp still works as the smallest of the works
geekmuseNU ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:27:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you thinking of the Talmud? That's a strictly Jewish text not shared by the Christian bible
-Navajo- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I might be, Im not jewish, just trying to remember words Ive heard somewhere
Neofang64 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:36:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, the Torah consists of Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.
Source: Did a religion once.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought the Torah was basically the Old Testament as a whole and the Pentateuch was the first five books
Bosterm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, Torah and Pentateuch refer to the same thing: the first five books of the Tanakh (Jewish name) or the Old Testament (Christian name). Torah is the Hebrew name (so the Jewish term), while Pentateuch is the Greek name (so presumably the Christian term).
Source: Google/Wikipedia
Willqwertyz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:35:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm writing a term paper with that as the thesis.
LoboDaTerra ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:52:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well he didn't. His son put it together using all his notes and such.
__unidentified__ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're gonna give the bible to somebody, give it to Stephen King or somebody who'll simplify it.
Bradbury would make it beautifully worded & on Mars. I choose that.
giulianosse ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:13:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think The Silmarillion is more like Tolkien's cover of a phonebook.
KungFuGenius ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:46:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember very many elven kings challenging dark lords to single combat in the phonebook, though. Admittedly, it's been a while since I flipped through it.
compelx ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The yellow pages got real in S15E3
jrmunro11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:18:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Morgoth came.
mybustersword ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I heard there was a lot of silmilarities
potato_centurion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And its very intensive
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wish that thing was a little easier to read, never seen anything like it. Sections of the actual Bible might be easier...
HALBowman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was under the impression he didn't actually write it. It was constructed by his son based of his notes or something. This is why it wasn't really a good read, wasn't really finished.
_Pornosonic_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:34 on August 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the hardest motherfucking thing I have ever read. My prof recommended I read it to improve my English (I still had problems when I moved to the us for my degree), and it was fantastic. Being written by an Oxford prof shows.
But then I decided to continue with Tolkien, and I realized the Silmarillion is as hard to keep up with as a rushed course of physics 101 if you have no background.
nullpassword ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, why hast thou bored me!
HughGWrecktion ยท 408 points ยท Posted at 02:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's intensive description of biblical events like the parting of the red sea would be glorious.
PM_ME_MAMMARY_GLANDS ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 03:45:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YOU SHALL PASS!
__unidentified__ ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:37:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and it came to pass that, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
gwhandle ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:37:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Here ya go: http://tolkiengateway.net/wiki/Doom_of_Mandos
JWson ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:06:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The entire Flight of the Noldor is one of my favorite Silmarillion chapters. So many good speeches.
Ganondorf2 ยท 283 points ยท Posted at 02:49:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He actually did help translate some of the bible for "The Jerusalem Bible"!
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:35:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't a translation be vastly different than a cover?
Ganondorf2 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:38:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh absolutely! Though there is a considerable extent to which a biblical translator's own beliefs about interpretation and whatnot show through. I just figured people looking at the comments on the main comment might be interested.
_Dark ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:23:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It began with the gathering in Bethlehem. Three were the Kings, wisest and richest of all men. Seven were the shepherds, great herders and nomads of the hills. And nine were the angels with their heavenly voices.
For they gathered to meet the one with the strength and power to rule over all peoples. And they were all of them relieved to find him wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
In the land of Nazareth, in synagogues and on the streets, the Lord Jesus spoke to spread to all others the word of God. Into His parables he poured his mercy, benevolence, and will to forgive all peoples. One King above all kings. One by one, the free men of the Holy Land left behind their lives to follow Jesus, becoming His Apostles. But there were some who resisted.
The Pharisees and Romans condemned the followers of Jesus. They fought against the freedom of their blasphemous religion. But the strength of Jesus' followers grew and could not be undone.
It was in this moment, when the Apostles sat to sup with Jesus, that Judas Iscariot placed the kiss of betrayal on Jesus' face. Jesus, the Lord and Savior of all peoples, was captured.
The decision of Jesus' punishment passed to Pontius Pilate, who had this one chance to free Jesus forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted, and the crowd cried out for Jesus' crucifixion. They betrayed Jesus to his death.
MrMarcuz_987 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:14:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Continue...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is, if I'm not mistaken, the opening to The Silmarillion with some of the words changed.
MrMarcuz_987 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually the opening prologue of the Fellowship of the Ring, the movie version of Peter Jackson's trilogy. This is an excellent reimagining.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gotcha! I've only read the book, wouldn't have known.
Tarsival ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 02:32:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly though, tons of the events in Tolkien's series heavily parallel biblical ones
-Reddit_Account- ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:51:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien was pretty big on the whole Catholic thing, so that makes sense
Thomas_K_Brannigan ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:18:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which makes it really funny how some hyper-conservstive Christian sects think it (and Dungeons & Dragons, the tabletop game based heavily on it) are somehow "evil".
Taz-erton ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:47:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those same Christian sects are really really not fond of the Catholic Church
actttappalled75 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:37:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or even just Genesis
JohnFest ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 02:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder how many movies they'd split that into
actual_factual_bear ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One for each chapter, although when Peter Jackson did the prequel (Genesis 1) he would further break it into three more movies.
unstable_asteroid ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:13:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A 3+ hour epic for every day of Creation.
Yebi ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:49:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a 4 hour movie, 90% of which is a huge three-way battle scene between the armies of God, Snake, and Men, featuring shitty CGI and impossible acrobatics (think of men jumping 3 meters up in the air to stab archangels in the dick). In the end of the battle, Adam and Eve leave their troops behind to charge some heavily fortified position to win the battle. They succeed, but Eve dies fighting the Holy Spirit.
SpawnTheTerminator ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:14:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus comes back as Jesus the White.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:21:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is "Heliand", which is an ancient Saxon paraphrase of the Gospel which portrays Jesus as a warrior-chieftain who climbed on the Cross to die in battle for his band of warriors.
Very neat document, it basically teaches Christianity in language that Viking pagans would understand, with Jesus fulfilling and perfecting the ideals of Odin and Thor and ushering in a new age where the old gods have passed away and death and Hel have been defeated. It doesn't denigrate the old religion but shows what was good in the Germanic pagan religion and how Christianity perfects it.
BlackeeGreen ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:22:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip Pullman did this! Kinda. The Good Man Jesus and The Scoundrel Christ.
PopeJudas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I may have to check that out...
Runninturtle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:48:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...and then Tolkien said, "In the beginning Eru, the One, who in the Elvish tongue is named Iluvatar, made the Ainur of his thought; and they made a great Music before him. In this Music the World was begun; for Iluvatar made visible the song of the Ainur, and they beheld it as a light in the darkness. And many among them became enamored of its beauty, and of its history, which they saw beginning and unfolding as in a vision. Therefore Iluvatar gave to their vision Being, and set it amid the Void and the Secret Fire was sent to burn at the heart of the World; and it was called Ea". (Valaquenta, 1:1-5)
internet_dipshit ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:26:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's way better than my thought of Orwell's "Mein Kampf".
bradorsomething ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:09:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about George RR Martin? He'd take the main character and halfway through the book he'd kil.... oh.
Steller7 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but it would be twice as long.
detroitmatt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:35:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's LOTR
flashLotus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:00:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh, The story of Turin Turambar is not far of from a biblical story for me. Minus except dragons. Oh wait, there's a saint who killed a dragon right?
The_Dirty_Carl ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:38:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't believe Saint George (nor his Dragon) appear in the Bible. Sainthood as a concept has little biblical support.
15thpen ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:03:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Tolkien would be awesome.
DaRighDehr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:38:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or "Fantastic Bibles and Where to Find Them" by J.K. Rowling
ADanishMan2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:15:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's largely the same, but with more elaborate descriptions of everyday things and Satan is an actual Dark Lord or some kind.
Oh, and Tom fucking Bombadil pops in every now and again just to make sure everything is cheery.
liquidthc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "The Bible"
_sunflower25 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree Tolkien's would be interesting, but I would rather see Chuck Palahniuk cover the Bible.
wildflowersummer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven king's "The bible" might be closer to the original...
shutupjoey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to read the Old Testament written by Frank Miller.
ThirdRook ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah that would be awesome
Matador0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's "The Bible"
the_real_abraham ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've covered a story from the bible and my reception was very chilly to say the least.
the_real_abraham ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a story from the old testament and made it believable and atheists got angry.
UncookedMarsupial ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only way to make it longer.
sc2mashimaro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want it to be......wordier?
PopeJudas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or George R.R. Martin's The Bible.
jovietjoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov wrote a reading guide to the bible
JamesBlitz00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoaaaaa.... yeah.
lesgeddon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank HerbertIsaac Asimov did this. I wish I had a copy.The_Dirty_Carl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Orange Catholic Bible doesn't actually exist, unfortunately. All we have are the quotes from the Dune books.
Sydney_Gamer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called The Silmarillion.
EvilStevilTheKenevil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about The Bible, by Christopher Hitchens?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this being the most upvoted comment in the thread tells me one thing: delete your account
Faress21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/5pjjmr/rest_in_peace_mayan_box
IoSonCalaf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is such a good response I'm actually jealous I didn't think of it
Rustyducktape ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:25:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm so glad this is the top comment.
MyImprovementAccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Steven King covering the bible would be better.
jacobwood09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically the Silimarilion?
Jp_conquistador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien in fact helped in the Jerusalem bible translation
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's just full of fucking trees
boiiwings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you mean: The Silmarillion?
lifehasloveliness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien did a beautiful, hard-to-find translation of an Old English poem about the Exodus.
Divio42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams: anything Tolkien
WombatJack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My roommate suggested a Suzanne Collins-esqe YA retelling of Jesus' origin. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense.
"My name is Jesus, and I was born with special powers. I can heal the sick and walk on water, but I wish only to be a humble carpenter like my father. However, I recently found out my TRUE father is God, and I must spread his teachings. I live in the city of Jerusalem, under the tyrannical rule of the Roman Empire. I wonder if I can make a difference in this dystopian society?"
Renshato ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's "The Bible"
mrjordann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The stories of the Bible with a novel-ish presentation...
iWintermutes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Geiman's "the bible" would be much funnier
TheSystem_IsDown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Neil Gaiman's Bible. Each apostle with a different graphic artist.
had_sex_ama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, yes. The Lord of All Things.
And don't forget the Easter Special: There And Back Again
RiskyBrothers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uhh
boaaaa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We already have the silmarillion.
CypressBreeze ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft's "The Bible"
KingPellinore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or, George RR Martin's LOTR.
doc10house ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say Chuck Palahniuk.
Comrade__Questions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At least flat earthers would finally shut the fuck up.
mazobob66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like it.
I was going to say "The Bible, by RA Salvatore".
BobMacActual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, parts of the Book of Job, in the New English Bible (good luck finding one of those!) were done by Tolkien.
friendsomewhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's called The Silmarillion.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:03 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien or Michener.
DeadpoolAndFriends ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm preparing for the downvotes: But i Fucking Hate Tolkien's writing. Love middle earth. Love what he made. But how he goes about it is just so tediously boring and aweful. He is the king of run on sentences. edit: typos
Faress21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:26:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(and parentheses)
AlexStar6 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ew.
Emerald__Sword ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:43:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
well they're both fictional fantasy books, so it wouldn't be that hard for him.
NimpyPootles ยท 147 points ยท Posted at 02:08:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett writing a Jack Reacher novel.
BlackeeGreen ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:28:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love how much love Pratchett is getting in these comments :)
forlornhope22 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:39:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the plus side, In L-Space, all these books have been written.
Turtledonuts ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:26:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reqcher is an american nac mac feegle. It fits.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:11:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<pauper's reddit gold>
marilyn_morose ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm in book 17 now. Man, Reacher has been in some trouble! He's all busted up and road weary. He needs a vacation.
flynnsanity3 ยท 144 points ยท Posted at 01:02:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be interested to read Voltaire's take on The Gilded Age.
Walrus_Fighter ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:32:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be interested in Voltaire's "The Vampyre" I don't know why.
Drachefly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:11:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be interested to read Voltaire's take on The Diamond Age.
brandononrails ยท 579 points ยท Posted at 02:06:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Cormac McCarthy.
High fantasy violence and beautiful descriptions of Middle Earth.
alwaysdrinkingcoffee ยท 154 points ยท Posted at 03:13:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alexei_Incandenza ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 03:36:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never knew how badly we needed a McCarthy fantasy novel. Great job matching his style
stellarbeing ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 03:57:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Close. There was a paragraph break in there. Paragraph breaks are for pussies.
altiuscitiusfortius ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 06:47:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And whats with all the commas! Theres more comma in that post then in all of McCarthys novels put together.
And it needs a lot more archaic language. But its a good attempt, it gets the point across.
PointyOintment ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:21:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And there were a few apostrophes too.
IsThereADog ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 11:31:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
could also use some untranslated elvish
46and2ool ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:22:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This didn't feel anything like McCarthy. So many forced adjectives and pretentious vocabulary. McCarthy feels more natural and simplistic. Delivering the emotion in the moment. Maybe I'm being too judgemental, but this isn't McCarthy. That second paragraph is two sentences... Sorry. Not McCarthy...
I probably sound like a douche. And I'm sorry. But c'mon.
alwaysdrinkingcoffee ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a battle scene in Blood Meridian that takes nearly a page and a half and is one sentence.
Here's a description in Blood Meridian as well.
Deggit ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:30:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It depends which book, it's a little florid for The Road or NCFOM but it would fit right at home in Blood Meridian.
altiuscitiusfortius ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:48:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No it wouldn't. Too many commas, not enough archaic language. It simply uses modern, but not frequently used words.
46and2ool ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 05:37:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you could quote a sentence that long found in any McCarthy book I'd take my original statement back.
I know I still sounds like a douche, but bare with me.
wtsktte ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 05:46:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, how much McCarthy have you read?
"When the wind was in the north you could hear them, the horses and the breath of the horses and the horses' hooves that were shod in rawhide and the rattle of lances and the constant drag of the travois poles in the sand like the passing of some enormous serpent and the young boys naked on wild horses jaunty as circus riders and hazing wild horses before them and the dogs trotting with their tongues aloll and foot-slaves following half naked and sorely burdened and above all the low chant of their traveling song which the riders sang as they rode, nation and ghost of nation passing in a soft chorale across that mineral waste to darkness bearing lost to all history and all remembrance like a grail the sum of their secular and transitory and violent lives."
From the first 5 pages of All the Pretty Horses. McCarthy is the king of run-on sentences.
46and2ool ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 06:16:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fair enough! I love that book. I honestly don't remember him dragging his sentences to that length, but I hope you can still see the difference between the aforementioned quote and the comment where the user attempted to mimick the style. Regardless, I'll eat my words.
I guess it doesn't seem like a run on sentence because of his natural talent when it comes to his word choice.
But honestly, even from your quote to contradict my argument, I feel like this is still a testament to how McCarthy is very different than the simulated quote. But maybe I'm just being picky.
Edit: I am being picky. Just tell me to go fuck myself. I'm drunk.
altiuscitiusfortius ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:49:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. He averages 2 to 3 sentences a page. Go flip through one of his books. His sentences are either 3 words, or 300.
46and2ool ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 07:10:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I've read two of his novels. I guess it's just been a while.
joandidioff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean bear with me?
46and2ool ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 07:28:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah
KungFuGenius ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:30:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit this is fantastic.
dcnblues ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:38:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Must read, and I'm talking possibly greatest thing on the internet must read: The Taco Trilogy Yelp review (3 parts) by Cormac McCarthy. Yelping with Cormac: http://yelpingwithcormac.tumblr.com
Chortling_Chemist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God damn.
LocoPorEstaJay ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:57:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This reminds me of Blood Meridian- I loved the half that I understood and thoroughly enjoyed the rest.
IAmACollegeStudent1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is awesome. Great job
Chazzysnax ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:07:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here specifically to see if anyone mentioned McCarthy, I was thinking it would be funny for him to cover some sort of teen book like Twilight or The Hunger Games, but now I want nothing more than to read a McCarthy version of LOTR.
Stagamemnon ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We know where the precious is, yes, he whimpered.
If you knew you would have it with you.
Gollum. We can find it from the Shire. From the Bagginses.
I know something better. I know where it is going to be.
Where is that, precious? Where is that, eh? gollum, gollum
It will be brought to me and placed at my feet. Now you know what is going to happen, Smeagol?
We don't knows, no we don't, precious!
The wraith pulled something from the folds within it's ancient cloak. A glint of silver. Old, weathered. Any markings it had been cast with had faded from it long ago.
What is the most you have ever lost on the toss of a coin?
cycle_schumacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never read stuff like he whimpered in any of his books, I'm no expert though, nice effort.
IAmACollegeStudent1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:40:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite books combined with my favorite author... I'd pay high price for this
MakeMyselfGreatAgain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ha, yes indeed. I was also thinking about this.
poop-trap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, that's kind of Game of Thrones, at least for the darkness, and if you substitute descriptions of food.
ThogBad ยท 933 points ยท Posted at 02:15:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut covering War of the Worlds.
tehryanx ยท 77 points ยท Posted at 04:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Martians and humans both lived on giant dirt balls that spun and spun and ran circles around a giant fire ball. Humans sustained themselves by pushing calories wrapped in useless garbage through holes in their faces into squishy organs that converted the useless garbage into useful fertilizer and gave the calories to the rest of the body through a wildly elaborate freeway system in a sticky gooey fluid that some joker named after the same stuff that made up the giant fire ball: Plasma. Martians sustained themselves by stealing plasma from humans. So it goes.
Criket527 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 06:26:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*
tehryanx ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:55:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An asshole looked like this.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 10:16:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I need to read more Vonnegut.
cloip ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this.
Hi ho.
LakesideOrion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poot-tee-tweet...
hamelemental2 ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 03:09:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slaughterhouse Five?
searchox ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 03:51:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More sirens of Titan
Eager_af ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:58:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah my first thought on an answer to OP was Vonnegut does hitchhiker's guide. Then I remembered sirens of titan.
Explosion_Jones ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marvin was a catastrophically depressed robot. And so am I.
G3vanB ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And much more. (i.e. much that I should read and haven't.)
Cat's Cradle and Breakfast of Champions are two of my favourite books.
joshbeechyall ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:00:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mine, too! Amazing novels. Funny and sad and profound and simple all at the same time.
-MrWrightt- ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:52:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it goes
RepostedNudes ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:54:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
audiobook by john malcovich
Wasatch97 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:09:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw this thread and immediately scrolled down looking for Vonnegut
nombre44 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 04:01:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would really dig a Vonnegut "cover" of A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. Hank Morgan would finally get to swear the way Mark Twain would have wanted him to anyway. And instead of being an engineer from the steam age, he'd be an engineer from the atomic age, so there's a very good chance that instead of just wiping out feudal society, the book would end with the extermination of the entire human race, which would be a lot of fun.
But in the way I see the world, Mark Twain is god and Kurt Vonnegut is his prophet, so of course my choice would involve those two.
Skysent1nel ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:51:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I took a class on Vonnegut and for the most part I'm not the biggest fan, but I brought up how much I loved A Connecticut Yankee to my professor and he said he didn't like Twain that much. And this guy is probably Vonnegut's number one fan.
e8ghtmileshigh ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:55:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cool
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:55:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That book already exists. It's called The Sirens of Titan.
phame ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:56:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every Vonnegut book is ripe with redux possibilities.
le_c0ke ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:51:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poo-tee-weet
Adamj1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that kind of what Sirens of Titan is?
malfight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tbh WotW is kind of a shit book
976chip ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 02:53:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's Heart of Darkness
TheAnti-Chris ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"One of you filthy barbarians, get Kurtz!" My attorney screamed at the gang of natives. They weren't having any of this. Their apparent leader, a hulking brute that could easily beat the mortal shit out of a dozen of us with just a sap, made no move.
"Don't make me use this!" My attorney's hand lashed out, slicing the stiff, jungle air with the hunting knife. He was lost. His own mind as dark and unnavigable as this black continent. His senses gone in the grip of a terrible acid binge. It was only a matter of time before these uncivilized tribesmen had enough. Sooner, I felt, rather than later, these barbarians, the jungle, the darkness that spanned this entire, foresaken continent, would roll over the Nellie like a tidal wave and swallow us.
Jesus, I thought to myself. This is it. I've come as far down this god-awful river as any civilized man can. A steady diet of the strongest intoxicating agents known to man had not helped us. All along, it was a suicide trip.
The looming jungle seemed to press in on the Nellie. We seemed so small then. So far away from home. How far had we come? How many desperate, hopeless miles had we raced down these vile African waters in search of truth? It was the tension between the two poles-the light of civilization on one end, the heart of darkness on the other, that kept me going. Somewhere between the two, I would find him. That bastard. Kurtz.
From the prow of the Nellie, my attorney continued to scream and swear at the brooding natives.
"We're not like this," I wanted to say. "You see, we're civilized." The buffet of stimulants, downers, hallucinogens and general fuck-you-uppers mangled the words before I said them.
The native man, the big one looked to my attorney, then to me. "Mistah Kurtz." The savage said, "He dead."
We had come here looking for a man. The only thing we had found was that all along, we ourselves were beasts.
A sudden gasp of words escaped my throat. "The horror." I moaned. "The horror."
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:25:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is seriously fucking good. In my head it's a chorus of Thompson, Depp, Sheen and Conrad. So confusing.
friendsomewhere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:16:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is interesting, because on r/gonzo, someone posted a copy of Thompson's Mistah Leary, He Dead earlier.
iLEZ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:07:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my Lord!
ChrisGaines_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be amazing.
ittakesacrane ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fucking horror, man!!
GrayMerchant47 ยท 345 points ยท Posted at 02:01:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians by China Mieville.
Justaust ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 02:51:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, the body horror possibilities of Greek mythology!
aeschenkarnos ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mieville's "Kraken" feels like a homage to, or cover of Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere".
Pastelninja ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:36:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nearly all of early Mieville feels like an homage to Neverwhere. Particularly Railsea and UnLonDon.
Perdido Street Station is my personal favorite because the writing is tighter and it has the best twist ending.
Bedlambiker ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:56:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. A thousand times yes.
vostok0401 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:38:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh this would be amazing
monkeyman427 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:33:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really I just want to see Jessie Jackson and the Olympians.
WhisperShift ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:13:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe magic and gods would explain why all of the characters needlessly drop ten syllable words all the time
Aayin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS.
I would pay money and other people's money to have this done.
AdvocateSaint ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 03:07:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's "A Series of Unfortunate Events that Led to the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (by the late Edward Gibbons)"
AdvocateSaint ยท 76 points ยท Posted at 03:18:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Book 1: The Pernicious Praetorians
Book 2: The Baseless Barbarians
Book 3: The Conniving Christians
Book 4: The Embarrassing Emperors
Book 5: The Scrambled Split
Book 6: The Grave Goths
Book 7: The Petrifying Plagues
Book 8: The Blighted Byzantines
Book 9: The Vicious Vandals
Book 10: The Contemptible Crusades
Book 11: The Troubled Territories
Book 12: The Objectionable Ottomans
Book 13: The End
SuperGandalfBros ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 14:15:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This just reminds me of Horrible Histories
Dragonsandman ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 23:20:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There should be a book called The Avaricious Arabs in between The Vicious Vandals and The Contemptible Crusades.
PatrickRsGhost ยท 242 points ยท Posted at 02:14:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering House of Leaves.
If we can include comic book authors and cartoonists, perhaps Hirohiko Araki to take on Calvin and Hobbes.
PMME-YOUR-TITS-GIRL ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:24:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
how about Mark Z. Danielewski taking on Calvin and Hobbes
frak ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:41:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Danielewski's The Familiar is about a little girl and a cat, so not too far from Calvin and Hobbes in that respect haha
Martofunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:45:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeeeessss - I shame your chauvinistic username. For shameeee
polkadotdream ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:58:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JUNJI ITO's take on Calvin and Hobbes, my god.
UzukiCheverie ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hobbes, the stripes on your tail are interesting. Mesmerizing. Like spirals . . ."
Rexel-Dervent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The (never republished) comic anthology Slime had a story of a boy who calls upon on the Big Brother of his stuffed tiger/lion to take care of his murderous stepparents. Quite life-like...
Edit: "Slim nr. 7" and "Slim nr. 9"
DaklozeDuif ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Junji Ito adapting anything written by H.P. Lovecraft.
RedlineFan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:42 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like Tomie but with Susie Derkins.
Herpmancer ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like HoL wasn't scary enough already.
UzukiCheverie ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:29:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then you'd end up with straightforward horror. You'd have to rip out like, all of those reference pages, "destroyed entries", and what of the Thumper sex? You tell me I'd have to miss out on Johnny's first experience with butt play? Pshhaw.
theonlydidymus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:28:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still need to read the original but this one would be really good.
Pendragn ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:08:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really surprised that this is only the second time I've seen House of Leaves pop up here. Such a fantastic read.
RAWR_time ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:01:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Araki taking on Calvin and Hobbes sweet jesus why do I want to see this abomination
pterodactylogram ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:43:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not an amazing artist but I think I've found my project for the day.
teryret ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:15:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King is great, don't get me wrong, but there's no way in hell he could improve on House of Leaves.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:50:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's actually in the book, right? That part where they're interviewing peoples.
DreadNephromancer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:11:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see Danielewski cover some Lovecraft.
MargotFenring ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:29:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have a feeling that would be the creepiest shit I ever read. Lovecraft's dramatic tension and eldritch horror coupled with Danielewski's ability to put the reader into the story. I definitely wouldn't sleep well after reading that. shudders
DreadNephromancer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:41:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine a first-person narrator, too. You could watch them go insane and get lost in it.
iamdorkette ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need this in my life.
TheRightToDream ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:03:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Calvin summons his stand, Hobbes, for the epic final snowball fight against Suzy and her stand, Mr. Bun.
NewAgeOfHeroes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:41:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean Hobbes is basically a Stand already so
DaklozeDuif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's basically Hey Ya!
DzSma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:00:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solaris by Mark Danelewski
FierceDeity_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:22:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hobbes is his stand
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe then House of Leaves would actually be scary.
YSoSidious ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:32:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If not for the gimmicks and for Johnny it might have been scary, but holy shit was it tedious at times.
Applefucker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Had this exact response in mind after reading the title. That would be absolutely mindblowing.
HIT_THE_SACK_JACK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:18:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit I'd want to see Ed Brubaker do Watchmen.
swallowtails ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know... That could be really awesome. The book was vaguely creepy, but King could turn it into something terrifying.
sentient8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think he could pull it off. He writes quickly, but conventionally.
[deleted] ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 04:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Rewnzor ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 02:57:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My vote goes to Dostojevski's take on pride and prejudice. Setting that novel in his Russia should be pure gold.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:29:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who hates Austen and loves Dostoyevski - is there any chance Raskolnikov ices the entire cast of P&P?
Albireookami ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 03:17:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bit childish, but "The Monster at the end of this book" by H.P. Lovecraft.
theironphilosopher ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:07:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my gosh. Other people had that book.
TheSulfurCityKid ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My son (he's two) loves that book. It's something his mother insisted on getting.
I feel like Lovecraft's version would have the same ending, it would just take a much darker path to get there.
billbapapa ยท 1524 points ยท Posted at 01:00:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Maze Runner series by Philip Pullman
Pullman wrote His Dark Materials, a story about kids with actual adult themes, they even fucking kill God in it...
If anyone could take the somewhat interesting premise that started the Maze runner and actually turn it into something good, it would be him.
alchemist5 ยท 470 points ยท Posted at 02:48:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's been a while, but, IIRC, no they don't? His ride crashes and they try to help him, but at that point, he's so fragile, he just dissipates in the wind.
Also, not technically god, just the first being known to exist.
But again, it's been a while, so I might be mis-remembering.
billbapapa ยท 286 points ยท Posted at 02:51:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No no, you're correct, or at least as far as I remember too. I meant it more, Pullman kills (lets God die) him in the book.
Eskimo12345 ยท 139 points ยท Posted at 03:46:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, they take God out of the box (allusions to Pandora's box, with hope being left inside). So you're both kinda right. The kids accidentally kill God, and God likes it. Called the Authority in the book.
Source: Wrote my MA thesis on it.
seanmharcailin ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 04:44:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i ALSO wrote my MA Thesis on HDM! :D HIGH FIVE BEST FRIEND
Eskimo12345 ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 04:56:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are DOZENS of us. But seriously, pretty cool. You have a link? Please? PM me.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:06:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ditto!
HadrianAntinous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:54 on June 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna read your thesises (thesi?) too
Eskimo12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:04 on June 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://macsphere.mcmaster.ca/handle/11375/16417
SmartAlec105 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:11:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a question. In the first book they mention a baker whose daemon is also male. Was that a sign he was gay or that he was trans? Either one makes sense to me but I was wondering if there was more that might be indicate if it's one or the other.
seanmharcailin ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 22:53:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Every paper I read on the topic indicated a same sex daemon indicated homosexuality, however, I wasn't studying queer interpretations of the texts so mostly when I came across those essays they went into the "not relevant" pile. I don't know that Pullman has ever answered that question directly either.
SmartAlec105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, thanks! There probably isn't enough queer in the books to write a paper about.
billbapapa ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:21:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That must have been a pretty cool and interesting topic!
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Eskimo12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:58 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Metatron is a neat character because it is more traditionally 'godly' and certainly harder to kill than the authority. Literally, after God is dead, the supporters of that (presumably false) God are still fighting violently in its name.
tonythetard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So you must be excited about his new books
Eskimo12345 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:46:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really hope he does justice to the story. IMO the third book lost the narrative punch of the first two, and the first book will always be my favorite - but I hope he finds his voice again, and knocks it out of the park.
SmartAlec105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:11:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got a question. In the first book they mention a baker whose daemon is also male. Was that a sign he was gay or that he was trans? Either one makes sense to me but I was wondering if there was more that might be indicate if it's one or the other.
Eskimo12345 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:31 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this reading is reasonable. Others have noticed this character, but it is also the exception to the rule. It could simply be an indication of his gender identity, rather than his sexuality. Obviously he addresses gender via the protagonist and his unravelling of the 'eve' stereotypes, and the deception/manipulation that the gender is stereotyped to utilise. Lyra/Liar being the prime example of this stereotype. He also deals closely with how 'young ladies' are supposed to behave. Lyra is the leader. She makes the plans. She tells the stories. She opens the wine in the basement of the college. Pullman is very concerned with gender, and I am sure this is a nod towards that. It is possible this character is only a nod because Pullman felt the scope of his narrative was already too broad, and thus he would rather address religiosity than gender specifically.
SmartAlec105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:58 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you for the reply!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:30 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my first read through I was a kid, so I interpreted it as God, but later on I thought it was more a demiurge.
Eskimo12345 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:42 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think demiurge doesn't really fit, because there are allusions to the concept that the authority didn't really create anything, or that he was created (invented) by mortals. But that being said, God doesn't really fit for the same reason, which I think is why Pullman calls it the authority. Basically, this is a spiritual manifestation of society's concept of God. I don't know. It's been a while since I read the books and I should go back and refresh my memory on the details of the authority - my thesis dealt with adulthood and adolescence so I stayed away from the religious contexts because it was dangerous to get mired in that conversation.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The demiurge isn't a creator either. Really though, this exchange just reminds me it's time for a reread.
Eskimo12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. I should reread them, but I am notoriously bad for starting new books instead of rereading old ones I loved.
teslaabr ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:02:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering the whole series is about how religion isn't real and the interconnected energy of the universe(s) is what really matters I don't see why anyone cares about that specifically ยฏ|(ใ)/ยฏ
AlanAldaNewBatman ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:32:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could be wrong, but wasn't he more critical of organised religious orthodoxy? I mean they kill God, but at the same time Pullman doesn't reject the more overtly spiritual elements like Dust (in fact, if I'm not wrong it ends up being a force for good?)
Broken_Alethiometer ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:27:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dust is a metaphor for intelligence and critical thinking. Dust helps people (adilts specifically) understand the world and makes them question and wonder about things around them. People without Dust are basically thoughtless drones.
Pullman isn't very spiritual, and the more spiritual aspects of his books are more focused on the good in humanity and what humans can accomplish.
AlanAldaNewBatman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:50:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But that's ultimately the same line of reasoning that leads people to form some sense of spirituality. Honestly though, I think we both agree with each other, even if we express our meanings differently. All throughout the books, you see a marriage of science and spirituality. The Church in Lyra's world is tied to learning institutions like Oxford (I think - it's been a while), and in our world, the scientist in the second book discovers Dust by using Chinese spiritual fortune telling sticks in a way similar to the Golden Compass (not even going to try and spell it). I mean, angels are just concentrated Dust, and those weird elephant things gained a religion when exposed to Dust.
Honestly, I think I've just convinced myself that Dust just represents consciousness and, like religion or critical thinking, isn't inherently good or bad, but is made so by human actions. But give it until October and it'll probably turn out where both wrong (you've got me hyped for The Book of Dust)
TheBoilerAtDoor6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:51:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neat. No risk of missing arms.
teslaabr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:37:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The arm was missing which I why I quickly edited!
BenedictKhanberbatch ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:13:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought he was just the first angel who convinced humanity that he was god? Isn't that what got him banished or something...it's been a long time.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:44:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could be very wrong and there are definitely a few (a lot) holes, but here's what I think happens.
The Authority was created by the first being to exist (he was created out of Dust) who lied and claimed to be the Creator, thus posing as God. The fallen angels e.g. Xaphania were rebels who found out that he was lying (and are a reference to Lucifer etc.). 'God' elected Metatron as it's Regent and in order to preserve (now weak for some reason?) God, placed it in a crystal coffin. Lyra and Will cut open the crystal coffin and 'God' is so weak that he dies on contact with the atmosphere.
So yes, Lyra and Will can be said to have killed the being posing as God, which infers the Church is founded on lies. Pullman doesn't actually state whether the concept a Creator actually exists though.
Mescalitoburrito ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:35:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The author pens a book where god dies. That third movie would have flopped so hard in 'Merica.
ReservoirPussy ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:11:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The third movie flopped so hard it flopped the first one.
Shittyjunkmailbox ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was so excited for the movie and then I was so disappointed. It was almost as bad as the "last airbender" movie.
From what I remember though, I could at least make it through The Golden Compass without screaming at the screen in a fit of rage. Can't say the same for the shit M. Night cooked up.
Formula_410 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:53:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even put them in the same category. The Golden Compass had, it has to be said, a stellar cast--Sam Elliott, Eva Green, and Ian McKellen were note-perfect--and it's a pretty fun watch that realized the world of the books beautifully even if it diverted rather seriously from the book at certain points. I think a lot of what went wrong with that film could be attributed to executive meddling, especially vis a vis The Magisterium.
Shittyjunkmailbox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:57:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can totally agree, I guess the only thing I can compare then, is the disappointment. Again it wasn't, like you say, a bad movie. I just... those books changed me big time. I actually grew up in a Catholic family, ( while my immediate family did kind of stray from the traditional catholicism, differing beliefs were frowned upon, at least at that point of their lives) and I read those books when I was pretty young still. It shaped a large part of my religious beliefs.
I say all that to say; I had some pretty high expectations, and while it isn't a movie nearly as bad as the airbender flop, it didn't live up to my own standards I had set at the time. And I guess that's how it reminded me of M. Night's horror picture show.
Formula_410 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:50:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's completely fair. I was also extremely disappointed by the movie when I first saw it. I've since tried to take a more positive perspective, since some of the visuals and performances from that movie either matched or actually replaced my conceptions from reading the book (again, Sam Elliott).
NightSkyRainbow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:07:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You guys should use spoiler tags.
suuupreddit ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:29:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, the books have been out for over a decade, and the movie was close to the same. If you haven't read them by now, it's generally by choice.
KingGranticus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well the movie doesn't touch the third book much or at all (I can't remember)
suuupreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but it's been long enough that we don't need spoiler tags.
misskass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:34:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The death of God part of the novel is only one aspect of the story, if that's all you know then there's plenty more to read about.
Winter_of_Discontent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't he eaten by a lizard of some sort?
nevernotdrunk ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:13:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly right. He is not God, just the first angel who told all the other angels that came after that he created them. Only his second in command, Metatron, is aware of the truth.
Gonzobot ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catholics were still in an uproar about it. Not the "children seek out and actively murder God himself" part, really, though that's a good sound bite, but more the fact that the whole point of religion is always only ever to perpetuate itself, and it's only ever servitude to some other being that claims to be above you, especially the Catholics. There is intrinsic, measurable, quantifiable good and evil in the universe, and God and his empire aren't good. It's a fantastic story and I highly recommend it to anybody.
Vanguard470 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They to this day are my favorite books. It's sad the movies got quashed after the first one. I think that's around the time the Catholic church started having a real problem with it. But it really focused on what seems to be very sensitive points in the church.
teslaabr ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:57:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They got quashed because the first movie was absolutely terrible and performed as such in theaters. Hopefully in the future there will be a remake of the first and then have the 2nd and 3rd follow.
1085echo ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:21:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a BBC series in production right now
I_post_stuff ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 08:20:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has my attention.
Gonzobot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:14:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd heard of the issues before reading the book in class (Hey kids, pick a book from this list, but don't take that last one if your parents might have issues with it, it's on some other lists as well but we're allowed to provide it for you) but I frankly think the movie fucked itself over. The producers wanted to make sure they had a sequel and so they wanted to make sure they had a bright happy ending - almost like they didn't read the fucking books at all. The way the movie ended was perfect, for the movie that it was, but they made sure no more movie needed to be made. If they had left the original book ending exactly as it was, it'd have been another twenty minutes of movie, and literally everybody that saw it would be clamoring for the next one! You don't spend the whole story building up her quest to find her father and then not solve it, when the actual story has such a perfect way of dealing with that final encounter ("I did not send for you!") and those last few pages show you so, so much about what Pullman is trying to do with the whole series.
tehgreyghost ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:57:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They open the container keeping him corporeal so in essence by ignorance they do kill god. He was the first angel and more of "god" in name. Since he told the other angels he created them.
boundandcovered ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:16:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Their innocence killed him. They were trying to help him but ultimately made things worse.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did they understand he wasn't the true Creator/had called himself God? I guess if they were trying to help him they did in a sense make it worse from their POV. I feel like I can never quite comprehend everything implied by the end of HDM.
CoconutMochi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I need to read that again. I read the series in elementary school and I had no idea what was going on
CrystalElyse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of. An ancient being that was the first lord and called himself the creator, God. At this point, the war against heaven is actively raging. Will and Lyra are trying to get across the battlefield. A cohort of angels had been trying to get God to safety, but seem to have either died or dumped him and ran. Will and Lyra find him, fragile, old, in essentially a glass coffin. Lyra doesn't know who he is, but feels terrible for home. They open the coffin to try to help, and he dissipates. They do kill god, but it was not their intent. They also don't truly know what they did.
owningmclovin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:47:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As I recall he is god. Just not the way the characters perceive god as an all knowing all powerful being. He is in fact the being who claims to be god basically he is the wizard.
slothhprincess ยท 201 points ยท Posted at 02:11:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes I just re-listened to his dark materials my god it's a breathtaking and intricate series.
To piggy back, I would want Phillip Pullman to write a series on dumbledors life from grindlevold to Harry. Dumbledor had that rich deepeness that I think Pullman could capture.
billbapapa ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:27:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I agree he'd do a great imagining of Potter
redwall_hp ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:25:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good news: the BBC is doing a new adaptation of the series.
LasagnaPhD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god I'm already getting emotional just thinking about how depressing and beautiful that series would be.
VforFivedetta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've never wanted anything more in my life.
SparkyDogPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like how much of his religion he shoves into his books, and I feel like his quality is all over the place.
zzzzzzzz414 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:10:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...the entire thing was blatantly anti-theist. The church and "The Authority" (God) are the main antagonists and pretty straight-up despicable.
Unless that's what you meant. I do agree he goes a bit overboard in the third book.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:59:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct me if I'm wrong - Pullman doesn't actually criticise the concept of a Creator, just the 'God' the Church and Authority blindly believe in and faith as a whole.
zzzzzzzz414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hm...could be, it's been several years since I read it last. I can't remember if he ever commented specifically on the general concept of a creator, or if he solely critiqued religion.
7in7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow, His Dark Materials made me connect less and less to religion.
itsableeder ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 07:52:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow? It's an incredibly anti-religious series. It's not surprising really.
David_mcnasty ยท -4 points ยท Posted at 03:00:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dumbledor is a cunt. Straight up manipulated Harry's life from the day he heard that prophecy until the day harry died again. Almost bad as those dick head Weasleys(Ron, Ginny, Molly).
Blinkdawg15 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:21:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How manipulative he was is purely up to how the reader interprets things, though, isn't it? It's not purely stated, or really even heavily implied that Dumbledore manipulated Harry.
And I honestly don't understand your issue with Ron, Ginny, and Molly.
Sounds like fanfiction may have warped your opinion of a couple characters, mate.
Dumbledore was a very good character, I think. He fucked up quite a bit, but we see it all from HP's perspective, not his. I think a book starring Dumbledore would be awesome. We'd get more insights into his mind, the way he ticks. Maybe we could actually figure out whether or not he was a manipulative old bastard or not.
Sqrlchez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:02:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he didn't manipulate his life, how would voldemort have ever died?
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:36:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those books are so good. And then the movie came out, and my BFF saw it and then immediately told me not to touch it with a ten foot pole because.... ):
I need to re-read those books. They are excellent.
billbapapa ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, if you avoided the movie you did a good thing. It literally ends right before the ending of the book, you know, when the whole world expands and she meets her father. Bam fade to black just with the part that may have redeemed a bit of the movie.
On the bright side, someone told me the BBC is going a mini-series... :)
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:11:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really?
Oh, I will try not to get my hopes up. But I probably will. I have more faith in them than others though, and also that it would just work better with the time frame a mini series would be able to give it.
Almustafa ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:36:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll see any movie with armored polar bears in it, just on principle, I tend to agree that they edited it to make it more palatable. The end of the book is cut off so it has the nice happy conclusion that the book denies.
Slindish ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:43:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's written/writing more books in that universe. One is coming out this year in fact.
rustled_orange ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just look up the armored polar bear scene on youtube. That was the only part of the movie done perfectly. You don't get the explanation of why Iorek's tactic worked like you do in the book, but it's worth it to hear the voice and see it in action.
xfkirsten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Re-reading them now. They hold up very, very well!
Wolfram1914 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, what's wrong with The Maze Runner the way it is?
billbapapa ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 02:27:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, nothing.... it's there sequels that go downhill quickly. They have good ideas but they just... the Maze runner starts ontop of the mountain and just plummets sadly. :(
fullforce098 ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:07:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even the Maze Runner has some weak parts, though. It's pacing is a bit weird especially at the start, some of the characters aren't really as fleshed out a they could be, and Thomas is about as generic a hero as you can have in a young adult book. That said, it's still pretty good for young adult fiction.
But then we get to the ending and find out [SPOILERS] it's just another post-apocalyptic series complete with a cataclysmic world changing event and a rage virus. The author doesn't even do anything new with it, the sequels treat it like every other story in the genre.
The ending also has to be one of the most depressing endings to any young adult book series ever, but not in a poignant or poetic way. It's just a straight downer ending where the heroes fail but there's no greater meaning or message, it's just the heroes fail but they get away, and that's it. The Hunger Games series had a downer ending but there was meaning behind it and it felt like the proper ending to the story. It was the proper way to end Katniss' arc, and she still accomplished her goals just with heavy losses. Maze Runner just ends and you feel let down because it all ended up being meaningless and nobody learned or accomplished anything.
billbapapa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:19:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, that's exactly my point, by the end of the first I'd already on a spiral. I so wanted to love the other books and felt like it broke my heart.
RomanArcheaopteryx ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:53:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In my opinion the setting set it up to be a sort of thriller/terror story, like it would be super dark, but it was just SO YA. And like I enjoy a YA book but I just felt like the premise as a dark psychological horror book instead would have been so much better
SourLadybits ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:47:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought all the fake slang was pretty stupid. They retain memory of language, but not the word "fuck?"
clitoris_paper_cut ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:58:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That just sounds like the author/editor/publisher was really trying to nail down the adolescent American audience.
whiskeydreamkathleen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's because they're middle grade books. boys in 6th grade (? ish, i might be wrong with the age) and up are less likely to read, so having books aimed toward them that get banned from schools for swearing is really not going to help.
HaveADab ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:11:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are aimed towards 8 year olds. I'd love a smutty, gory, treacherous version
sephtis ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark materials is the strangest read. It's like watching the battle for the universe from the point of view of children, a random physicist, a sentient talking bear, a hot air balloon pilot, and Ada wong if she had a golden monkey for a soul
Get_Rad_Bro ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:22:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget those little grasshoppers that can communicate across dimensions by playing rock violins. On the real though I do love those books.
KingGranticus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:11:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hoo boy, I remember having more trouble reading these in Middle School than Lord of the Rings (although I didn't try the Silmarillion, that wasn't until High School)
tealparadise ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:40:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to read any YA sci Fi or fantasy re-done seriously.
So many books suffer from the "teen" genre.
Divergent springs to mind as a similar example. Like, thanks for taking that idea and ruining it guys. We could have had a great epic series but no, you used it up on a teen drama.
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:32:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His Dark Materials, aka "Narnia for anti-theists."
CliffordTBRD ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pullman's His Dark Materials is actually him "covering" Paradise Lost by Milton.
billbapapa ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:57:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah just learned that myself, in which case...
No hope at all, sure he does covers, but Mazerunner is just slighhly below the quality of his usual source material...
DrippyWaffler ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:22:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read the first book as a kid, but couldn't get into the others. Might have to try again.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The subtle knife is better than the first imo
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Totally dude. But first sets it up nicely.
TheSpeedOfDarkness ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:18:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God you hit the nail on the head with this one. His Dark Materials is my favourite series of all time, and I remember reading The Maze Runner and thinking the premise was so interesting but as I kept reading it just got worse and worse... It'd be really interesting to see what direction it would go with Pullman as cover author.
hazelnox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OH MY GOD YES. I so wanted Maze Runner to be good and it just isn't. Everything is a predictable cliche and the writing just isn't that compelling. Phillip Pulman would be awesome, or Rick Yancey (who did The 5th Wave; the whole trilogy is surprisingly gripping and awesome).
Stronghold257 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:08:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just started the second book :( spoilers man
throwitaway488 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:15:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm sorry he spoiled that part. If it makes you feel better its not a major plot point, and the spoiler is not quite correct. So enjoy the rest of it!
billbapapa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't worry, it's surprisingly a minor point. You'll see, though I am sorry.
Enjoy the rest, and unlike the rest of us, you'll only have to wait another 6 months or so after you're finished to get the sequel trilogy.
Stronghold257 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:22:02 on May 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe I just got to that part, and it was such a minor event. I am definitely surprised.
oggyb ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:30:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God yes, Pullman has the technique to spare to rescue any dross with a decent premise. I can only begin to imagine the amazing and insane world he'd create outside of the maze.
Shittyjunkmailbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:16:31 on May 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was just looking through audible and boy do I have news for this whole thread. He (pullman) actually is writing a sequel to the His Dark Materials series, called Book of Dust. Just figured all y'all would be interested. I know I am!
Edit: apparently he already wrote one, called Lyra's Oxford. I'm assuming there's more too, so check them out!
Hudson3205 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something to add to the maze runner, there's a part in another book dashner wrote where it is implicitly said that the maze runner was a fucking video game the whole time
billbapapa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My God
BrajScience ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... You had to explain your joke?
ifarmchickens ยท 169 points ยท Posted at 03:42:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Z. Danielewski's take on The Cat in The Hat
The novel begins with a passage which seems, at times,overly detached from the whimsical horror of the anthropomorphized feline. "The sun did not shine.1 It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house All that cold, cold, wet day.
I sat there with Sally.2 We sat there, we two. And I said,
โHow I wish We had something to do!โ Too wet to go out And too cold to play ball. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to
And then Something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked! Then we saw him step in on the mat! We looked! And we saw him!
The Cat in the Hat!3"It is only now we are introduced to the titular horror.
While many say this book's events are purely fantastical there has been quite the debate among some scholars due to claw marks on Sally and the house which would otherwise have been impossible.
Regardless, it is apparent that "Seuss" has produced a work of literature which hasn't quite been seen before, evoking a primal horror of the unknown, and the present.
Footnotes:
The fixation Seuss has on the Sun and the lack thereof resembles that of many creation myths, particularly those originating in the cultures of the indigenous American Indians, however this subject has already been addressed at length in other works which would be better explored by the reader than gone into here. Of particular note are Dr. Seuss and the Prototypical Sun Myth, an Exploration by S. T. Morganson and Overcoming Darkness Through Whimsy in the Earlier Works of Seuss by the aforementioned Morganson and Margaret Nielsen.
As a reader of this book I assume you have delved into the more readily available materials on the whole fiasco. Sally's interview with Vogue4 is particularly easy to find and one of the more telling, the horror and separation she displays are quite real. Other interviews she has done before and after the events with the
Cat in the Hatstress the difficulty her and Seuss were having in their marriage, suggesting to some scholars that the entire ordeal was merely an allegory for the struggles of modern marriage and separation anxiety. The mastery with which Seuss weaves her documented quotes with more fantastical meter must truly be noted here, though of course that is more subjective than the subject matter of this document would require.หวฦษ sฤฑษฅ sษนวษฅสo oส ฦ**สสษ ษฅสฤฑส *ษฅpื** uฤฑ pวืฦฦ*** วสษษฅ oส sษฏววs oษฅส `ษนoษฅสnษ วษฅส ษo sสuวษนษd วษฅส ษฅ*** sสวฤฑสษนวสuฤฑ puษ sษนวสdษษฅษ ษนวสษื วuฤฑษฏษxว วส sษ วษนoษฏ วs ืืษษฅs วM ยฟฦuฤฑืษวddษ puษ วสฤฑืpืฤฑษฅษ os ฦuฤฑษฅสวษฏos ษนวสษษษนษษฅษ s**uoษฏ ษ ษฅษns วษฏ สษฅM หuo**nษวds ษฅษnษฏ ษo สษวษพqns วษฅส uววq สืษนษวืษ sษษฅ
สษH วษฅส uฤฑ สษฯฝวษฅโฅ5You know the drill, there was never a fucking vogue interview with "Sally" whoever the hell that is. This old loon seems to have made all of this bullshit up, there was never a book about a cat wearing a goddamned hat. I swear it makes my spine crazy though and my cat has been looking at me strange though, I even called Vogue to confirm all of the Sallies they had interviewed. Watched too many stuck up ladies talking about their new lines of handbags and none of them so much as even mentioned cats.
This part is covered in blood or coffee. I was drinking some coffee with a girl last week after work, can't even think of doing so anymore, the bitter taste makes me think of weird clawed beasts with overly fancy headgear creeping at the side of my sight. When I brought her home she said I was tossing and turning in my sleep, scared her right the fuck off which my mumblings about "disembowelment by beret adorned panthers or some shit."
lapinn0ir ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 05:31:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those footnotes are on point.
Salt-Pile ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 07:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap. I haven't read Danielewski but if it's half as good as this, now I want to.
Majache ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 08:08:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves, definitely my favorite. The book takes a serious note and switches literary narrative between 3 people by font type. So it's a book, of a journal, of a bunch of video tapes. Danielewski sometimes has entire chapters about sound or mythology that at first seem irrelevant but tie in well. Because the facts of the matter help tie into the horror.
Salt-Pile ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:43:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! That's one of those books I've always meant to get around to reading, but never did. You've motivated me.
DzSma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:07:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I commented this elsewhere in the thread but I feel like he would do Solaris really well
Majache ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:54:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm happy to see Z in here, and damn this is perfect.
kvz9023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:00:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Perfect. Absolutely perfect
emptyholocene ยท 222 points ยท Posted at 02:59:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P Lovecrafts's "The Holy Bible"
HeywardH ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 10:15:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Before any thing that now is or ever was in all history, both known and clandestine, had even the seed of it made material there was but a single being in existence, dwelling within the vast nothingness of its domain, an incomprehensible void which its sole inhabitant would be alone in beholding the dark tranquility of, living isolated for an unknown and unperceived amount of time until at last, by a means and ability known to none other than itself, it crafted the space and matter of which all other existing forms are composed. This being called now by many names: the creator, provider, healer, avenger, the one who was, is, and always will be was at the time named by itself alone Elohim, the plurality of its name a seeming paradoxical declaration of its own multitude, being all things from which all things are born. It's living breath covered a particular dark mass, whose bulk was empty water with its purity contaminated only by the shapeless unbound elements hydrated as if an amorphous clump of modeller's clay, with great interest and intent. Elohim then began to speak, an event inferred by many now as an unprecedented milestone signifying the beginning of all things though lacking at that time the scale of things which had been done even the paragon of miracles was mundane and busy.
"Let there be light."
578_Sex_Machine ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 12:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More please? This is awesome!
HeywardH ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 15:38:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the end which will come to all men.
I did not initially understand the full ramifications of what I had done, however as time presented itself it has become increasingly manifest that the curse which was told to me upon my exile would, in truth, come fully into fruition. The burden of my ruination is upon not myself alone, but it plagues forever all the legacy which I may accomplish. My father has always shewn abounding adoration for his children, even in punishment he made grand exhibition of his profound graciousness, did I not suppose that such grace was to be unending? When I did defy my father, taking into consideration none of his warnings, by stealing for my own self that which he sanctified as untouchable, he said to me that in the very day I took of it I would surely die. I rejoiced in my life, when his words did not realize themselves, thinking that by his heart he had as much compassion for my sake as to make himself a liar. Of the prolific dredgings of curses wrought upon mankind for my sake I had thought death would be spared, only upon learning of the cruel, calamitous murder of my own son did I properly fathom the weight of my consequences. I have lived a multitude of toilsome, woe laden years, awaiting with sick anticipation the day I suffer my own warranted death. It is only now that I find myself in tangible proximity to mortal expiration that revelation comes of my father's meaning: "You shall die in the very day you eat of that tree." for one thousand years, to him is as a day.
- Genesis 5:5
db8r_boi ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 18:45:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will buy into any kickstarter you put together to do the whole Bible this way. Please.
HeywardH ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 19:32:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whole bible? Maybe one book at a time. I've actually wanted to novelize the bible for a while, but not like this. This was simply an exercise in insanity. Maybe I could do individual short stories similar to The Curse of Yig, The Beast in the Cave, etc for single bible stories.
578_Sex_Machine ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 19:50:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those two snippets were amazing reads. I'm happy you made those for us! Very well written :D
141868 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:11:42 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, I'd read the fuck out of that. That was awesome. I should go read Lovecraft, if that's what it looks like.
HeywardH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:15:22 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft is a much better writer than I am.
141868 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:18:49 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And this was great! I always sort of meant to get into Lovecraft, but never really had the time...any good place to start?
HeywardH ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:44 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Short stories. I recommend Winged Death and The Beast in the Cave.
141868 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:45 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay. I'll look into those. Thanks! And thanks for the writing. It was awesome.
Qui-Gons_Gin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:52 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know it's a month late but I have to say this is incredible.
HeywardH ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:30 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. I've been meaning to write more, but I haven't since.
Qui-Gons_Gin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:31 on June 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You definitely should write more, you've got talent.
CyanideCynical ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 04:22:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As Jesus walked upon the water, a single, slithering tentacle broke the surface of the water. It flew towards his leg, wrapped around it, and pulled him under. As the last few bubbles of air that had escaped from his mouth popped, a thundering voice echoed throughout the heads of a that were present.
Cthulhu fhtagn
winter_mutant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Matt Cardin - "Gods and Monsters, Worms and Fire: A Horrific Reading of Isaiah"
Bevroren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:34:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read on here that some of the angels are already pretty disturbing...
HeywardH ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft writes The Book of Enoch?
zelozelos ยท 422 points ยท Posted at 03:29:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
[deleted] ยท 215 points ยท Posted at 04:23:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
chokingonlego ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 05:31:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If You Give A Mouse A Cookie is already capitalist propaganda about the dangers of communism, no need to rewrite it.
Groversleeves ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:34:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am pretty sure if you give a mouse a cookie is about the pharmaceutical industry
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:19:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How so. I do not understand how that could be about Communism.
chokingonlego ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 06:22:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's about how if you give a man free commodities and things, he will grow greedy and demand more. The mouse only wants a cookie, to live, but grow greedy tough and demands the boy and his school friends build him a mansion.
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:26:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in an actual, fully communist state, wouldn't there be no boy to hand out the cookie? Just a bunch of mice having to make their own cookies themselves?
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
aqouta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is why utopian communism has a huge logistics issue.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:39:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well with any utopian society there are huge issues really.
chokingonlego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be no boy. The mice would make the cookies, and the ruling class/state would take them for redistribution. You only get what you put into communism, and usually less. If one man wants more than a cookie, then that means so many others would starve and not get theirs.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:32:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, what I'm saying is that, from my understanding, the people make their own cookies. There is no one to take the cookies and redistribute them, just people making cookies for themselves. That was what I understood to be the "goal" of a communist state, to not have anyone ruling or making decisions. Everyone living by their own work and their own welfare. Not a dictatorship like we've seen with other "communist" states, but a place without any ruling class.
OGforGoldenBoot ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:36:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah the old give-a-mouse-a-cookie-is-actually-about-communism-a-roo
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 07:44:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hold my dialectical raterialism, I'm going in!
chokingonlego ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:11:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People making their own cookies would be an anarchy-communist state, based upon values of merocracy. Not communism as you describe it.
DumbNameIWillRegret ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 07:25:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol, anarchy-communist-state, what an oxymoron
chokingonlego ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:31:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No more an oxymoron than people who believe in anarcho-democracy. Which is surprisingly a thing.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:48:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or anarcho-capitalism
aqouta ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's about not being a push over
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:27:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://the-toast.net/2015/08/11/ayn-rand-gives-a-mouse-nothing/
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For some reason I read that in Andrew Ryan's voice in my head.
superhappy ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 04:54:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Get your own fucking pants!"
FIN
lurgi ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 05:07:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's The Giving Tree
DuplexFields ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:42:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"And as the man sat on the stump of the tree, at last it realized that the ax had always been its destiny." -- final line of The Taking Man
monkwren ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:02:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Underrated comment of the thread. This idea is so hilariously good.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:23:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An allegory on the corrupt ideas of the Marxist oppressors.
rockidol ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:36:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One book that I'd like to see is Ayn Rand's version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:20:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mallory Ortberg did a series of children's short stories in the style of Ayn Rand and they're amazing: http://the-toast.net/series/ayn-rand-rewrites/
grabpot ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:13:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Randโs anything would be amazing. Her dialogue and characters are so atrocious.
LowKeyRatchet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made me giggle.
StayPuffGoomba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:08:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Those pants didn't magically fit each girl perfectly, no, instead they fit each girl perfectly because the girls worked hard to make them fit without any government interference.
BearEater ยท 53 points ยท Posted at 01:18:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mikhal Bulgakov's Of Mice and Men is incredibly different.
taco_saladmaker ยท 509 points ยท Posted at 02:54:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Clockwork Orange by Chuck Palahniuk
sognidistelle ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:53:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm really sad these made up books don't exist
[deleted] ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:59:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide by Palahniuk. Animal Farm by Palahniuk. Heck I'd read The Hardy Boys or Twilight by Palahniuk.
Chuck, if you're here. I'd buy every book from your cover series.
GnarlyNerd ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 05:54:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Palahniuk could actually be one hell of a read. He'd focus on all the dark shit, turn the characters into amoral freaks, and make the romantic stuff disturbing enough to make your skin crawl. Bella would suck giant wolf cocks and abort Edward's rape baby, which he eventually digs out of a dumpster and turns into a vampire. And of course, it turns out by the end that vampires and werewolves aren't real, Edward's just a junkie taunting her with a dead fetus, and Jacob is a stray German Shepard that reminded her of a boy that was nice to her one time.
Instant classic, my dude.
rinnhart ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:27:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still don't think I'd read it. I'd suffer it, literally have it claw at my mind, and violate my soul, but I don't think I'd read it.
crawsex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:23:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bit of a stretch but...Beautiful You is Chuck's version of 50 Shades which was, as we all know, originally a fanfic based on Twilight so it's not too far off.
distroyaar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was one strange book...
soundselector ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:25:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like it would be almost difficult to read because it would be so intense.. and awesome
Inaptronymicangel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:39:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel the same way
BEEFTANK_Jr ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:22:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's just Fight Club except he would expand on the part where they institutionalize the narrator.
UltravioIence ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:33:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My favorite book and my favorite author.
I'm incredibly conflicted
crochetgrenade ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:34:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have a dick but I somehow got a huge boner when I read this
TheLastPromethean ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:49:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'm not sure it would be any different. The prose would probably be a little tighter, a little more blunt, but CO is probably one of the novels that Chuck's own voice is inspired by.
LadyLigeia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to say this. It would probably be a little easier to read, language-wise, but overall not that different. I would, however, read the shit out of William Gibson's CO.
RaptorsOnBikes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:09:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Geeze, that'd be a wild ride.
NickwithahardR ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be some ultraviolence
aqouta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:40:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did I miss something when I read CWO? It's probably the classic that felt the most tedious to read to me.
kazneus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:26:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Clockwork Orange by Isaac Asimov
marcythevampirequeen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already feel dead inside just reading that
trunamke ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:00:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus. That would be insane. Come on Chuck, write another fresh book by covering A Clockwork Orange.
KingInTheNorthDave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:34:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best one I've heard so far - so damn fitting...
srs_house ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:44:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure he could actually make it any more out there and graphic, honestly. A world where "ultraviolence" is a thing is pretty spot-on for Chuck.
faebaebaae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never knew I wanted something so badly.
RatherNotRegister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like they'd have to come up with something beyond NC-17 for the movie adaptation of this...
boffboffboff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think we need that book to be any more fucked up
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would actually love to read that.
kvz9023 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:59:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read the SHIT out of that
goldenewsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's fight club already.
oscillatingoctopus ยท 751 points ยท Posted at 01:51:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's , A Song of Ice and Fire
ShakaUVM ยท 268 points ยท Posted at 02:43:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be even more excited to see what kind of cover he could do for the Wheel of Time!
[deleted] ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 02:46:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've got news for you...
benzrf ยท 135 points ยท Posted at 03:01:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thatsthejoke.jpg
Imbillpardy ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 03:32:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean arguably I see the guy you're replying to's point though. It'd be interesting to read 1-11 without the heavy handedness that was Jordan. Less braid tugging, Egwene whining and Perrin I'd imagine.
sk_2013 ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:21:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less heavyhanded, but Jordan's worldbuilding was stronger than Sanderson's, I think.
Besides, say what you will, I like Perrin, though Egwene and Nyneve irritate me. I admit, half the reason I like it when Cadsuane showed up was that she was a female character who wasn't trying to get in Rand's pants, didn't need to be coddled, and didn't whine and bitch incessantly.
dubblechrisp ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 05:48:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, it seems like Robert Jordan has this super weird kind of anti-woman feminism in his books; all of the women are incredibly strong-willed and independent, yet they're all invariably portrayed as stubborn, bitchy, and talk way too often about men.
NewMaterialOnly ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:11:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And every handsome man is described as having "a well turned leg".
keeperofcats ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:34:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which would make it perfect. Already having the world, but editing things for better flow, less whining and bitching. Some parts feel a lot like the Taming of the Shrew - have a bitchy woman finally get laid and boom, she's less bitchy.
And Rand - I wish there was less whining about the women around him dying and more focus on EVERYONE who gets killed in this struggle, how he feels it's all his fault, how can he live up to these expectations, but he HAS to, but he's already failed in former lifetimes and that lifetime is trying to break into the now...
I think that Rand would be so much more interesting. I'd rush through his guilt-tripping, memorizing and recalling every WOMAN's face that died...jfc give me a break.
sk_2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:31:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rand always annoyed me. His whole revelation deal becomes totally unnecessary if he doesn't refuse to get his hands dirty from the get go.
It's this weird combination of complete blindness towards the death of those following him, and weird obsession with the women that die following him.
A bit more of a "That happens, they chose" approach, mercy towards his allies, but fighting his enemies outright...
Ugh. Fuck Rand. He could have been so much more.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:36:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes - that perfectly sums up his character.
Nycholis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:21:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, cadsuane could have been removed completely from this series and it would only improve things. Or maybe the aelfinn thing just not happening so she was never needed.
keeperofcats ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:37:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish she actually taught more. Like, she's this awesome powerful woman with amazing knowledge and we barely see it. She had so much potential!
I fully admit though, it's been at least a decade since I read the earlier books and I never finished the last one (three). I was starting to like Egwene as the Amarlin, showing her use of knowledge/history to sway others to her side and change the tower from within.
Nycholis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:50:01 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed! I'll edit this in a minute when I find it, but all I can recall is someone doing a joke outline of how the series should have ended and the line "Cadsuane is placed in a catapault and launched into the sky Mind yourmannerssss "
nvm the line is as follows: Rand HITS Cadsuane on her HEAD, has her TIED UP and placed in a CATAPULT.
Cadsuane is COLDY DIGNIFIED.
"If you are going to act like a petulant child, you can expect that..."
Rand PULLS the LEVER. Cadsuane is FLUNG a great DISTANCE and is NOT HEARD FROM AGAIN.
sk_2013 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, honestly she was refreshing at first, but later on...
I don't know what RJ's deal was. Maybe just no idea how to write female characters, maybe the male characters have their own shticks that they do and we miss or he thinks they do and they don't.
It's weird though. Really, really weird.
Nycholis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:48:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly the problem is the fact that you have to accept a setting where the gender dynamic we accept as "normal" has no way of existing in a world where like 1/10 dudes just go crazy and die, and have since 5000 or so years ago.
But seriously I'm about halfway through winter's heart and cadsuane can die in a fire. Perrin still needs a spine to tell half the women in his life to get off his shit and the other half to actually talk to him instead of sniffing and running away. Mat is tops, and Rand is 22, so all the whining makes sense.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:41:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah - Mat and Perrin were my favorite central characters and I feel like Perrin's development just...stalled.
Still, all the talk of Rand having to harden himself vs. Cadsuane's plan to make him strong, feels like the failing of telling vs. showing. I feel like very little teaching is actually going on.
I need to just finish the series, but I feel like I've forgotten so much but I can't reread the whole series. Any recommendations on where to jump back in? I haven't read the prequel or the last book/three books.
Nycholis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:48:30 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I think if you had that much trouble with it but you made it to perrin's stalled development, try and find a recap online, and start at Knife of Dreams. Aside from being the last non-sanderson book in the series, a lot of folks seem to agree that it really reads a lot better than books 7-10, which were a very long slog where not much happens
Basically character development gets a little repetitive (aside from matt) and you feel like the books just drag. Knife of Dreams, The Gathering Storm, Towers of Midnight, and A Memory of Light are probably some of the best books in the series, if only because the long awaited mass wrapping up of plotlines happens
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:23 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you! I'll do that. :)
Nycholis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:50 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're welcome! I recommend that if you enjoy this kind of epic, long, massive in scope and scale kind of story, check out The Malazan Books of the Fallen, by Steven Eriksson. It's kinda like WoT but for adults.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:54 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll load that to my reading list!
Nycholis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:59 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will warn you, a lot of people quit after book 1, because he takes 3 books to set his story, but once it gets good, it stays good until the end
BarfMeARiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you. Gosh I hear so many people whine and carry on about Jordan being inferior to Sanderson but Jordan's world was so much more complete
show_me_tacos ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Jordan is dead?!? When did this happen?
BobVosh ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:35:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
September 16, 2007
Jew_Tang-Clan ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:10:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nearly a decade ago
drgradus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:09:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obligatory "Damn, I'm old."
Minimum_balance ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:11:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, how do we tell him?
Estellus ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:30:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Serious counter-proposal to your joke proposal!
Robert Jordan's Cosmere.
ShakaUVM ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:14:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord Ruler was vexed. Tugging on her braids, she called for the samhaidren to attend to her. While the samhaidren was composed of the strongest women in the Final Empire, the Lord Ruler was even stronger, and made sure to impose her will on them at every opportunity.
Estellus ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:13:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pffft.
Chuckled.
The Lady Ruler, wouldn't it be, then?
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:07:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, women lead the resistance. The Lord Ruler is Rand in an alternate storyline where he never experienced Veins of Gold, managed to re-patch the bore, and then proceeded to rule the world with a stone (...no iron ...no steel ...no cuendillar) fist to prevent the seal from weakening again.
This is actually pretty amusing to think about. :)
DevinTheGrand ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:53:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His books were better than at least the previous four books written by Jordan, so I would too.
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:05:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It felt to me like it finally got back to the tone it had in the first half of the series and was so refreshing. Even splitting the intended last book into 3 wasn't enough though; so much had to be rushed through. I'd have been happy for him to write 10 more.
itsableeder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is really interesting to me, because I had almost the opposite reaction. I never got on with Sanderson's take on the books.
torturousvacuum ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:23:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Knife of Dreams by Jordan was back to being as good as the early books, so not really. The few before that were quite slow paced though.
kilik693 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:28:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. He finished the series. I would love to see what he would do with the first 11 books
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be much shorter, but it would read like semi-canonical fan fiction.
moremysterious ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:17:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His Stormlight Archives books are all really long but incredible.
Blinkdawg15 ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:32:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're amazing.
I have issues reading a lot of authors- Stephen King, GRRM, Tolkien. They're too dry for me. Too descriptive. Book doesn't grab me.
I have the opposite problem with Sanderson. I can't put the damned book down.
rimnii ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:48:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read Brandon Sanderson's work and when I finished and hoped to move on to other authors... I just started re-reading his books... I can't get enough.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:09:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alright, this has done it for me, I'm gonna pick up one of his books. I loved his Wheel of Time contributions but never branched out into his other stuff.
bishpleese ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:45:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See you in like 4 months and we can talk Mistborn, Elantris, warbreaker, arcanum unbounded, annnndddd stormlight. one of us one of us one of us.
Chip_Clydesdale ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 11:31:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The new storm light should be out by then! And I don't think I've read arcanum unbound. Any good?
Nycholis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:22:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100% worth the purchase just for the Roshar stories. If you've already read his other novellas, even.
yinyang107 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:28:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's absolutely worth checking out. Mistborn is a good place to start.
Dragonsandman ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:01:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially towards the end. When I got to the start of the avalanche that was the ending of Way of Kings, I literally spent the entire day just reading that book.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:41:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Blinkdawg15 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've had it suggested a couple times, but haven't started for fear of jumping down a rabbit hole I won't come out of for a few months.
Kadasix ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:14:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, you could just read a Memory of Light.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/that's-the-joke
Taymac45 ยท 479 points ยท Posted at 02:16:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be so good, and already finished!
moremysterious ยท 146 points ยท Posted at 03:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And he would publish 8 other novels during the same time. Freaking love BS, he's so good and writes so much but everything he touches is awesome.
MegalomaniacHack ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:49:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My guess is that in addition to just writing a lot and very efficiently, he probably also practices Asimov's approach to writer's block.
Tired of writing the thing you're writing? Write something else until you feel like continuing the first thing.
pku31 ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 05:19:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Isaac Asimov had writer's block once. It was the worst twenty minutes of his life."
PelorTheBurningHate ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 08:02:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iirc When Sanderson was writing the second book in the second mistborn series to get himself back into writing mistborn he wrote the whole 3rd book in the same series.
Elhiar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:27 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has another method as well, he always writes 8 hours a day, like a normal job.
MegalomaniacHack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:48 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thread necromancy, man.
Tons of writers write 8 hours a day or more like a "regular job," but most aren't as prolific. Also, writing 8 hours a day doesn't give you 8 hours worth of usable writing. A lot of writers limit themselves to writing X hours or X pages but you can have days, weeks, months of writing garbage before you get into the flow. Then you might write 10 straight days of stuff that barely needs editing and fits plots and themes you didn't even realize you were aiming for.
skunk_funk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seems like he's slowed lately.
Zireks ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 12:29:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably taking his time to make absolutely sure he doesn't screw up the Stormlight Archieves. That series is to him what Avatar is to James Cameron. But even still slow for him is fast for Martin
Durzo_Blint ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 13:33:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only because he put out a ton of stuff in 2016. He "only" has one one thousand page novel dropping this year.
jofwu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:54:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More than that, probably. Words of Radiance was 1088 pages in US hardback. Oathbringer is 25% longer by word count.
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually he already released a novella this year
jofwu ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 15:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only seems that way since he spent the last year and a half focusing on Oathbringer. When it releases later this year he'll be very close to 5 million words.
Chart. Overall pace is around 375k words per year. 2015 was a slow year at 245k. But 2014 was 486k, 2016 was 390k, and 2017 will be around 540k after Oathbringer. The running average will actually be at it's highest at the end of this year since 2010 (when TWoK and ToM released the same year).
He really isn't a super fast writer. He's just consistent. And he communicates openly, which makes the waiting game easier.
Blinkdawg15 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 03:24:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson is a fucking machine when it comes to writing.
Dragonsandman ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:00:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I watched the writing lectures he does at BYU online recently (link for the curious; it's 12 videos that are about an hour each), and in one of them, he mentioned that he wrote either six or thirteen full books before he got Elantris published.
GreshamGhoul ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 09:16:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Listening to his writing excuses podcast atm, he wrote 12 novels before he had one published.
Zireks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:26:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What ever happened to these twelve novels?
Alphaetus_Prime ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:35:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of them have come out by now, some after extensive reworking.
iceman0486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:45:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, he could probably get them out now. Being an author is like being a musician. Once you have a few hits people look for your stuff.
Zireks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Although I wonder if he has repurposed them by now, like if one of the was an earlier version of Mistborn or Warbreaker
iceman0486 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably. That, and in one of the forwards I have read from a friend of his talked about his early stuff having less than . . . critical conflicts. For example he wrote of a magical school that the characters went to . . . . and that was it. No one attacked the school, no one wanted to close the school.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:53:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some were just not good (according to Brandon) and have been abandoned altogether. Some were significantly reworked and released (e.g. The Way of Kings Prime). Some were cannibalized--good ideas taken out and worked into other stories (e.g. the concept of "bridge four" came from another book?). Some he plans to rewrite down the road (e.g. Dragonsteel).
White Sand was rewritten, but he still wasn't happy with it. It's now being turned into a graphic novel. But you can request a copy of White Sand Prose, and he has entertained the possibility of publishing an updated version of the prose one day.
There are a few others that you can find by asking or digging in the right place. I think Dragonsteel Prime was his thesis and the BYU library has a copy or two, for example.
AdolfMohammedTrump ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 04:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh boy, there's just something about his writing style that makes hours of reading feel like minutes. I blew through the Mistborn trilogy in 4 days of nonstop reading over my spring break.
Durzo_Blint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read the first two Stormlight books in a week.
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the sex and swearing would be cut out, and you'd have the strangest feeling you were reading Mormon cryptopropaganda, but it'd still manage to be a great read.
SchrodingersCat24 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:44:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha, I thought I was the only one who got that feeling from his books.
Zireks ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:29:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not exactly sure what your talking about, care to explain?
jofwu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think some people are simply uncomfortable with the role of religion in his books. You do sometimes wonder if he's trying to voice a certain message about religion.
Zireks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Again could you elaborate more on something specific? I haven't read beyond the original Mistborn trilogy so I can't think of any examples.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:17:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, first would be the general acceptance of religion at all. To someone strongly atheist, that can be uncomfortable. These are books where gods often exist, and religion is easily accepted and perceived positively. As a more concrete example, I think a lot atheists would take issue with the logic Sazed follows in his religious journey.
Personally, I feel the opposite. Most of these gods have a "natural" explanation which undercuts their status. But then... The whole concept of the Shards (e.g. Preservation and Ruin) bears a lot of similarity to Mormon theology. Namely that "God the Father" was one a very human-like(?), physical being who ascended into godhood. There are more subtle Mormon connections as well. For example, we have Sazed discovering a holy text inscribed in metal... just like the Book of Mormon.
And there's also the general sense of morality. The characters (or "good guys" at least) tend to have very Judeo-Christian values. Notably when it comes to sexuality.
I don't think Brandon is trying to push his own values and beliefs. I think he tries to represent different viewpoints, and often succeeds. I think the morality of characters is just a natural outcome of Brandon writing within his comfort zone (which he has been slowly expanding). And I think any Christian/Mormon/religious "messages" that may come through are either innocent or accidental.
But I can see why it makes people uncomfortable. Especially those unfamiliar with religion.
Zireks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:55:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Still I think calling it Crypto propaganda as someone else said is going to far. There is a difference between a writer representing a belief and preaching the belief. From what I've seen Sanderson has mainly represented the idea of struggling with the concept of religion in general.
jofwu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I would hope that phrase was somewhat tongue-in-cheek. He said it "feels" that way--not that he seriously thinks Brandon is trying to secretly indoctrinate people.
StayPuffGoomba ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:05:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Do it? George, I'm not some serial writer. Do you seriously think I'd delay my magnum opus if there remained the slightest chance of you not reading it? I published it thirty-five minutes ago"
Vectoor ยท 75 points ยท Posted at 03:06:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now with far less sex and far more magic.
Joabyjojo ยท 48 points ยท Posted at 03:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but the magic is also explicitly defined and logical.
Adamsoski ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 04:42:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel that the magic in ASOIAF is purposefully undefined, though. It's supposed to be something mystical and unknown.
Oomeegoolies ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:43:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is.
Half the time we're actually unsure whether it was magic or not too.
Taedirk ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 04:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson fixes Harry Potter then.
VanquishTheVanity ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:34:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, part of the wonder of magic is IMO its lack of concrete definition. Putting too many rules on it feels less magical.
PunjiStyx ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 05:23:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson's first Law: The ability of magic to affect the plot is proportional to the reader's understanding of it.
LucidicShadow ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 09:12:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, so the first half of Philosopher's stone is now basically just a video game tutorial of harry learning basic magic?
With reminders each book about how basic principles work in case you've forgotten?
HylianHal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:32:21 on July 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're misremembering, it's closer to "The author's ability to solve conflict with magic in a satisfying manner is directly proportional to how well the reader understands said magic."
His BYU lectures on writing are on youtube now.
PunjiStyx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:54 on July 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're not wrong. I did abbreviate a bit. However, I made this comment 2 months ago. wtf?
HylianHal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:18 on July 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The "in a satisfying manner" bit is arguably the most important part of the rule, IMO.
Did you not realize that your comment would be displayed on the internet forever?
Oomeegoolies ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really like Rothfuss' take on magic.
The Sympathy, which to most ordinary people IS magic. Has defined rules which make a lot of sense.
However he also has the deeper magic in Naming. Which has much less defined rules, or at least from my understanding.
LucidicShadow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:19:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn his Mormon sensibilities!
I wanted to read about Rand getting steamy with his wives!
purplekiren ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:05:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tbh brandon sanderson was really cheated out of winning the democratic primaries
DatGrag ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:21:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually don't think this works well with Brandon's Strengths. I'd be interested to see him take on Harry Potter because he'd have a magic system that is more concrete and logical.
I'd like to see GRRM take a shot at the Stormlight Archives universe, actually.
My pick for ASOIAF would be V.E. Schwab
muhash14 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:37:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want to see him take on Harry Potter? Try The Rithmatist. Not only is it a magical school story, it also has the most unconventional, out there magic system since... well, since Warbreaker.
DatGrag ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:06:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting, I haven't tried any of his YA. Will give that a shot, thanks
muhash14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be sure to read The Reckoners Trilogy as well. Sanderson takes on Superheroes, and it's awesome.
ryukasagi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:32 on September 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His Alcatraz series works well with this too. But it is definately YA. It gets pretty goofy sometimes and its not for everyone.
muhash14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:33 on September 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't actually read Alcatraz yet. That and Legion being the only ones I haven't read. (I think)
psychotronofdeth ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 08:27:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought kaladins life was already depressing. You can leave it to GRRM to make it worse.
LucidicShadow ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 09:18:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd get dismembered for real. Or like, permanently maimed during a bridge run or something.
And then they'd torture and kill bridge 4 in front of him for messing with the established way of doing things.
He'd escape only to discover that his brother was miraculously alive and in the war camps, but he could now never go back or be killed for deserting.
DatGrag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha true
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really care to see GRRM write anything else. I feel like he is not a very good writer but happens to have a good story in ASOIF.
DatGrag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Must be a coincidence lol
gsfgf ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It may rustle some jimmies, but I'd love to read Sanderson's Lord of the Rings.
pleasedothenerdful ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:18:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say Sanderson's Lord of the Rings.
muhash14 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:34:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson's Wheel of... oh wait, we already got that. Praise be
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:05:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like an LOTR that I'd actually read. Tolkien is way too dry for me.
MostlyTolerable ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone asked him if he would finish the series if offered and he said he would refuse because it conflicts with his religion.
parkaprep ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so odd to me considering how many gods he's killed.
MostlyTolerable ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 21:53:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I'm not really sure which part is such a violation for him. There are false gods, a lot of alcohol, murder, rape, etc. I seem to remember there being drugs and suicide too.
So the only vices or sins that I can think of in ASOIAF that Sanderson avoids would be consensual sex and certain swear words.
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:30:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Qinistral ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:31:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's pretty PG-13.
EDIT: Not to say I don't love it.
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:46:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Waxpapers ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 04:01:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, he does death and stuff very well. His issues are with writing interpersonal relations. His romances are all very middle-school true-lovey, and there's very little discussion of the sexual topics that permeate Song of Ice and Fire. Most of the time, that's not a problem, because his books don't focus on romance, but when it does come up there's a lot of stilted dialogue and the characters start feeling like robots.
Dragonsandman ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:05:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romance is definitely his weakest area. None of the romance is horrifically bad, but it isn't the greatest.
sovietterran ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:32:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He has gotten better about romance, and it is telling that the passable teen romance he writes is so noticeably less quality than the rest of the world.
But Wax and Wayne handles a more adult and balanced romance much better I think.
LucidicShadow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:25:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was going to mention Wax and Steris. Theirs is a very proper, old English style romance.
And we get a few mentions of Wayne and MeLaan getting into some naughty business.
ryukasagi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:17:43 on September 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When they missed the gunfight because they were getting busy in the trains storage compartment. ๐
Qinistral ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:22:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For sure.
For me, there's something about his style that just makes it come off "lighter", more like Star-Wars or a comic-book; it doesn't feel gritty at all from his writing itself. If I consciously think about what's going on then I'm like 'woah yeah there's some shit going on."
Shoelace_Farmer ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:09:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's said that he specifically writes so that his family can read his work without worry. It's not a style for everyone, but I'm glad there's a writer like him out there.
Qinistral ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:13:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah for sure. I read most of his stuff.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:19:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too. It means I can recommend good adult fantasy books to my nephew and not feel guilty.
A_Shadow ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:25:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? I wouldn't say that. Good bit of rape in mistborn, just mostly off scene or threats. Plenty of on screen violence though.
Sidtreefish ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The POV chapters of Straff Venture made me super angry and disgusted. Truly a horrible person and Sanderson wrote that character really well.
Holdingdownback ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:58:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Steel Inquisitors were very gruesome. The part in book 1 where they watch the executions was especially bad.
sirgog ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:36:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing I find most interesting about that is how much writing Sazed in Mistborn book 2 must have messed with him.
(Spoiler-ish details: Sazed is a very religious character who, after a traumatic incident, becomes both depressed and anti-theist).
formlessforce ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:51:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a pretty religious person, and Sazed was my favorite character in that series. I could tell where Sanderson was coming from; the "crisis of faith" is pretty common among devout people who stop and think about things for even a minute, and Sazed's was handled beautifully.
sirgog ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:03:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The resolution of that arc was incredible. (I'll keep this spoiler free).
Sidtreefish ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very anti-thiest and he was my favourite character.
Althonse ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:39:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you mean book three, but yeah that's a really interesting point. I find it really interesting how prominent religion is in his books, especially the way he deconstructs it. It's even more interesting to learn that he himself is a religious Mormon. I would love to hear his thoughts on his own religiosity.
sirgog ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm talking about both the end of 2 (cryptic to avoid spoilers, so let's say after the climactic scene involving Tindwyl) and also some of 3.
ManWolf9 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:25:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of the sex replaced by the men and women commenting on how different men and women are.
muhash14 ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:38:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are two possibilities here: either you're one of the people who simply can't seem to be able to look past the fact that he's a mormon and find a way to shoehorn it into every conversation about him... or you're confusing him with Robert Jordan.
ManWolf9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drats.
muhash14 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 06:24:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...wait, so you really were confusing him with Jordan?
Althonse ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:42:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make, but I feel like Sanderson writes really good female characters.
ManWolf9 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:48:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand how my comment is unclear. There is no sex but lot's of comments by men on how different women are to them and vice versa.
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:51:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's mostly Stormlight though, where they have weird rigid gender roles.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:17:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your safe-hand is not covered, brightness!!!
jofwu ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Sanderson doesn't really do this? That's my confusion.
I have to assume you're referring to Wheel of Time, but that's not really accurate. He was writing that on behalf of Jordan.
Althonse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I see, I was maybe looking for more subtext than was actually there then.
Anyway, I can definitely see that in stormlight archive.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
aew3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shallan's backstory isn't very empowered.
Sidtreefish ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:04:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but look at her now. She overcame hardship quite well considering.
IdmonAlpha ยท -14 points ยท Posted at 03:42:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it would actually be tens times as sexist.
rimnii ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:50:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is sanderson's work sexist? I'd never really noticed that aspect...
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:06:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, but someone somewhere will always find a reason to think so.
IdmonAlpha ยท -9 points ยท Posted at 03:56:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His female characters just can't be truly happy until they have a man to cling to. It's subtle Mormon sexism.
MarpleJaneMarple ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:19:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not seeing it... He writes strong single women as well as men. Jasnah Kollin (Stormlight), Marasi (Mistborn, Wax & Wayne), Mizzy (Reckoners).
Yeah, those are all side characters, but most of the main characters, male and female both, get paired off with someone.
muhash14 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:35:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marasi's arc literally included her realizing she didn't need Wax to be happy or realized.
rimnii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't even really call them side characters
Dragonsandman ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:01:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jasnah particularly, since she has POV chapters in the upcoming third book.
Dragonsandman ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:06:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think you're grasping for straws there.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:27:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
?
It's a role reversal on the trope of the cold male hero needing a sensitive female companion to teach them compassion.
That's literally the opposite of sexist.
sovietterran ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is Sanderson sexist? His main characters are more often than not empowered women with real drives and desires.
Ethesen ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:36:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The other way around, I would love to see Sanderson's books 'covered' by someone more literary. E.g. China Mieville's Stormlight Archives would have been so fucking cool. He would likely expand the world and make it even weirder, and the prose would just be so beautiful.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:11:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Unpopular opinion: Sanderson is not a good writer, despite his intrinsically compelling and coherent world-building. His characters are flat and the prose- while serviceable- is very plain and unremarkable.
Given that the main draw of ASoIAF is Martin's rich prose and extremely compelling characters, this would be a disaster.
Ekanselttar ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:52:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a pretty popular opinion and Sanderson has said pretty much the same things about himself. Stormlight has some good steps forward with characterization, though.
retief1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:52:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't really disagree. He writes extremely enjoyable books, but his characters and general prose don't quite compare with other authors that I'd name. They work just fine, but they aren't exceptional. I still love his final results, but he certainly isn't perfect.
aew3 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:26:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that he has improved a lot in these things over the years. The Emperor's Soul has excellent characters and pretty decent to good prose imho.
jofwu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:22:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think his prose is absolutely his biggest weakness.
But I disagree on characters
and world building. His characters used to be on the weak side, but I think he's gotten a lot better. Have you read Words of Radiance or particularly SoH/BoM? Seems like his character development gets better every book.And Stormlight has some of the best world building I've ever seen. It's utterly remarkable. Can't think of anything else to ask for short of Tolkien-esque made-up languages. It's the most original world building I can think of. If you're comparing ASoIaF to his other books, I don't think that's a fair comparison. The scope of those other books are on the same scale. You wouldn't expect a novella to have the same level of detail as a novel. Can't expect Mistborn to have the same level of detail as as an epic series.edit: can't read
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I acknowledged his world-building was top notch.
jofwu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:28:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I completely misread that. My apologies. :)
scottmotorrad ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:59:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to post that, upboat instead
pku31 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:21:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering GRRM's almost seventy and kind of overweight, I'm guessing we'll get to see that eventually.
is-that-a-thing-now ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna see him take on Iain M. Banks' Culture series.
Sanderson has one or two sci-fi stories and they ae fantastic, would love to see him write a multi-book epic in the Culture univerde.
yell_nada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:54:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be happy to see him rewrite the parts of The Wheel of Time that he didn't do, just to get the whole story without the filler!
Mrhiddenlotus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe then I'd actually read them and watch the show.
CoolguyThePirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really liked his cover of Wheel of Time so I'm all for this one as well.
PhaedrusBE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's the guy I would like to cover Harry Potter. Imagine if the magic made sense the greyer moralities were better fleshed out.
Red_J2 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yuck. The juvenile fake cuss words would kill this for me.
"Storm you, Imp!"
mythicwriter98 ยท 2269 points ยท Posted at 02:08:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin does The Lord of the Rings.
Each book is 800 pages long, we get viewpoints of all members of the fellowship, more important characters die, more typical GRRM stuff
[deleted] ยท 2042 points ยท Posted at 02:46:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saruman's point of view is featured in a couple of chapters and you actually kind of agree with him.
AluminiumSandworm ยท 620 points ยท Posted at 02:58:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
man i would be so down for an entire series from saruman's pov, as written by grrm
mborlay ยท 409 points ยท Posted at 03:24:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't give him ideas, he'll never finish Twow
CTU ยท 101 points ยท Posted at 03:31:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He is not going to finish it at all the way he is going. twow is like book readers Half Life 3
FunnyHunnyBunny ยท 65 points ยท Posted at 04:04:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh, most fans think we'll eventually get TWOW. A Dream of Spring on the other hand. . .
RapaciousRaptor ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 04:05:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Posthumously ghost written
fredagsfisk ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:07:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't GRRM say that he absolutely did not want anyone to finish his series if he died before doing it?
Chaingunfighter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:34:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. I mean, the show will definitely finish so no matter what we'll learn how the series ends, but it would be a real tragedy.
FunnyHunnyBunny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:22:09 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Though the show has been wildy different from the book plot with some major characters not even existing on the show and entire major subplots cutout. Which is great for both the show, since we get streamlined plots, and for the books, since that means the future book material will be less spoiled.
RapaciousRaptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea. He doesn't even like fan fiction because he sees it as messing up his world, which I understand.
LanAkou ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 04:57:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By Brandon Sanderson
RapaciousRaptor ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 05:05:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson doesn't like ASoIF, he says it in one of his writing workshop videos. He said he read GoT to see how good it was and then never read anymore because he doesn't like what GRRM does to his characters.
PM_YOUR_BIG_DONG ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:39:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I can't imagine the Mormon writer whose characters' relationships involve loving glances and fades to black is a fan of GRR Martin's characters. They're very different writers.
RapaciousRaptor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:19:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They definitely are. Both are good though, just world's apart in style.
PM_YOUR_BIG_DONG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:54:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eh. They're definitely both good writers but I think one will go down as one of the great fantasy cornerstones and the other will remembered more as a genre writer. But hey, I'm probably biased, I didn't like Sanderson's work very much.
RapaciousRaptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:07:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah. I had them switched up in my head. I really enjoy Sanderson, but he is very entrenched in Fantasy and Sci-fi. I liked GRRM more, but as time has passed he's become less of a favorite and more just someone I'll read if they happen to have a new book out. He gets way too long winded (like WoT 7-10 Robert Jordan long winded) for my taste.
7457431095 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:25:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? Do you know what specific talk it was? Or have the link available? I would love to hear what he exactly had to say. Has a reader of ASOIAF and a fan of Sanderson's teaching videos, it would be interesting to hear.
RapaciousRaptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember which talk as it was years ago, but as /u/Gagege mentioned he alao said on his podcast he thought it was well written but not for him.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:02:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He said on his podcast that he thought it was well written, but that it just wasn't for him.
RapaciousRaptor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it in one of his writing videos from BYU. I don't remember which one, but I wouldn't be surprised if he mentions it somewhat often as people probably ask him about it a lot.
VindicoAtrum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read that. We all would, since Sanderson throws books out at a rate that makes grrm look like an amateur.
8-4 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 08:04:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When the sun rises in the west and settles in the east, when seas run drie and mountains hang in the wind like leaves, when Half Life 3 comes out on Steam and 4chan cures cancer, that is when TWOW will be released.
EagleBuck ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:37:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We used to say "when the Cubs win the World Series"
gburgwardt ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't even joke. People waiting for WoW know nothing of the suffering us HL enthusiasts are going through.
alexthealex ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:07:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Except at he is writing TWOW. There are excerpts, he is acknowledging the difficulty he's havin he finish it, and we often hear about meetings with the publishers. Also if he dies before publishing there are plans for it to be published anyway.
Whereas Valve's last game was portal 2, they have said many times that Valve aren't interested in making HL3, and get noticeably upset when people ask about it in AMAs.
So really people waiting for HL3 are just playing a fool's game.
EDIT: autocorrect.
i_toss_salad ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:23:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that GRRM explicitly forbid anyone else finishing ASOIAF if something happened to him?
283leis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:40:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
he did, but if he's dead he cant stop other authors from finishing it
LordRekrus ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 07:25:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this likely to happen? Wouldn't other authors think it disrespectful to finish it if GRRM said not to?
insomniacpyro ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:03:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would think it depends on how much was written and if they knew (from notes or what have you) how it was going to end. If the worst does happen and he's 3/4 of the way through and there's no clear ending, what do you do? Also that doesn't cover him just making John Snow wake up from a dream right before the Lannisters arrive in the first book.
Chaingunfighter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:37:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He can certainly prevent them from legally publishing using the setting or characters. Copyright doesn't go away when he dies.
Some authors could do it anyway, but that'd just be like writing a really complete fan fiction and calling it the series' true plot.
Lurking_Still ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:22:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno, I started reading ASoIaF in '96 when it first came out.
It's literally a two-decade blue-balling for plot.
retief1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, half life 1 was in '98, and the universe hasn't been touched since 2007. At least grrm has released something in the last decade.
Lurking_Still ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:18:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a 6-7 year wait for Dance.
It's absolutely comparable.
michaelisnotginger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:50:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought I was bad having started in 2002...
Oomeegoolies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been waiting for Doors of Stone for longer I think. Only slightly, but a little bit longer.
Both are my HL3.
FunnyHunnyBunny ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:02:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know you're joking but GRRM is strongly against fanfiction so this wouldn't tempt him. Editing 20 more Wild Cards books on the other hand. . .
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:05:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather he focus his efforts on a LoTR cover than on fucking WildCards.
Therealbigteddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That book is a myth at this point
NotRickMoranis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:25 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He isn't going to anyway. The fat man has betrayed us.
Gracien ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:38:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best you can get yet is The Last Ringbearer
FunnyHunnyBunny ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Ring itself is a luxurious ornament, but powerless, crafted by the Nazgรปl to distract Gandalf and the Elves while Mordor built up its army."
I find this little bit from the beginning of the wikipedia plot synopsis hilarious. Already sold me on reading it.
apaniyam ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does it fit the narrative well? My issue with derivative works of tolkien is that they are either too retcon happy or too rigid in their adherence to the world. The appeal of tolkien was the dreamy nature of the world that just teased enough extra information that you'd get lost mid page off in your own daydreams about the history hinted at.
I'd love to read more pieces that fit the universe well.
sanyasi ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:41:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Last Ringbearer, by Kirill Eskov, is probably what you're looking for.
Cato_theElder ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 04:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite that, but someone wrote the series from Sauron's pov, where Mordor is a bastion of science and industry in a backwards world of superstition. It's called The Last Ringbearer. Furthermore, Carthage must be destroyed.
AluminiumSandworm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
damn cato you really stick in character.
Camorune ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:06:25 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's been at it for years, at this point I don't know if he can leave character. One day you will turn on the TV and the president will say "Furthermore, Carthage must be destroyed" and we will know exactly who it is.
2013kiaoptima ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:45:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer
This is as close as you're going to get without writing it yourself.
TheRocketOrange ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:50:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a book called The Last Ringbearer that is a really interesting take on The Lord of the Rings. Its from the point of Mordor and is more or less science vs religion I guess? Here's the catch, as far as I know there's no commercial English translation due to copyright law so you'd have to read it in the original Russian ;)
GLOCK_WILLS_IT ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:41:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Psst. Check it. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer
Magenta-Rose ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:21:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should try "The Last Ringbearer", by Kirill Eskov. While not from Saruman's point of view, it's based on the idea that TLOTR is history as written by the victor, and this is the true story of the war of the ring.
Orc's aren't monsters, it's simply an incredibly racist term used by the westerners to describe the people of mordor. Mordor isn't a rapidly expanding totalitarian state, they're a peaceful civilisation undergoing an industrial revolution which the westerners see as a threat to their traditional ways of life.
Definitely worth a read
chucktheskiffie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pffft.... here come those little hobbit cunts. What do they think they are gonna do?"
xxmindtrickxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think someone did write this but I think it's Saurons pov not sure if Saruman is in it as well.
Tsurusennin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Google The last ringbearer. It's very close to that.
INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a book called the Last Ring Bearer about this.
Wolfcp ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 03:18:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say what you will about the man but he was a first rate industrialist.
drivec ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 05:25:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And he made Isengard great again.
Violator_of_Animals ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:51:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He built a wall and made Gondor pay for it.
Kugelblitz60 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:49:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did not import any foreign laborers, he made them himself.
Wolfcp ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 16:50:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a small loan of a million orcs from Sauron...
heckruler ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:30:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, come on, he was sent to keep Sauron from causing trouble and it looks like the entire gig is going to hell in a handbasket. One of his lieutenants wants to take the ALL POWERFUL WEAPON and trust a strike force mainly consisting of runts with no combat, stealth, or magic experience. They're going up against a super-wizard with multiple armies and elite magical undead horsemen who can literally sense the presence of the thing they're trying to sneak into the heart of enemy territory.
It's a foolhardy mission, especially considering that the ring will likely subvert the wielder before he destroys it, JUST LIKE LAST TIME. (Oh, and it turns out that's exactly what happens this time too).
Saruman thinks that he, being an angelic-like wizard who wields magic from the beyond, is more suited to try and fight the corrupting forces of the ring. And with that power, they stand a chance of the incoming armies that want to kill and conquer everything.
The bit with the orcs and dark magic is him ostensibly siding with Sauron with the intent to betray him. Which he does as he makes a grab for the ring himself. Of course, that whole plan was probably placed in head by Sauron via the seeing stones. Even if Saruman gets the ring, the thing corrupts absolutely and evil wins in the end.
His god-given mission was to fight Sauron and the forces of evil. He was the leader of the coalition opposing him. ...was. After the seeing-stone and chats with the deceiver... even despite his well-intentioned planned backstabbing and saving the world he pretty much turned evil. And petty. Fucker took his revenge on the meddling hobbits by turning the shire into a fascist and polluted state.
repetitionofalie ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:57:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gave Sauron a try:
The elves, the dwarves, the humans, even (and oft especially) the wizardsโall no different than me. For all their high talk and posturing, they want to control.
I do not fault them.
I made those rings to show them what they want and help them achieve it. But, quid pro quo. That glaringly obvious unspoken detail of the exchange seems lost on them. Against character, they have pretended to put aside their mutually maligned intentions to take over each other's domains and joined forces against me. Sauron, The Great Evil who seeks Ultimate Dominion. And here we are at war.
RoughRhinos ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saruman takes a bath with Treebeard and Treebeard is embarrassed
duaneap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:02:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a big bath.
calctea ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:41:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't there a Russian version written from the orcs and Sarumam's point of view?
Edit: Just found it. It's called "The Last Ringbearer". https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer
The_Dirty_Carl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:43:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's free and pretty good, too.
TheDatesMatter ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:10:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well in the books, one of Saruman's magical powers was his voice. He coud convince people and kinda brainwash them when people heard him speak.
"Suddenly another voice spoke, low and melodious, its very sound an enchantment. Those who listened unwearily to that voice could seldom report the words that they had heard; and if they did, they wondered, for little power remained in them. Mostly they remembered only that it was a delight to hear the voice speaking, all that it said seemed wise and reasonable, and desire awoke in them by swift agreement to see wise themselves. When others spoke, they seemed harsh and uncouth by contrast; and if they gainsaid the voice, anger was kindled in the hearts of those under the spell."
samoorai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:42:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When I first started reading the series, I hated Jaime Lannister.
Now that I've finished A Dance With Dragons, he's one of my favorite characters.
sk_2013 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:12:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one thing I did like that GRRM did.
I have a lot of issues with him, but the way he portrays 'villains' is excellent.
Krraxia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saruman's storyline would be viewed through Grรญma wormtongue.
BrutalJones ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:12:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I still think GRRM making me love Jaime Lannister after hating him for ~2,000 pages in the most brilliant thing a writer's work has ever done to me.
INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a book written from Sauron's perspective called the Last ring Bearer. Sauron is an up and coming industrial nation being fought against by a feudalist nation led by Gandaf.
CaptainBatpants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
From my point of view the Istari are evil!
typeswithherfingers ยท 791 points ยท Posted at 02:59:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And no one ever makes it to Mordor.
Spanishparlante ยท 939 points ยท Posted at 03:15:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mordor.. Mordor.. Modor..
The_White_Light ยท 1523 points ยท Posted at 03:23:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MOLD THE DOOR!
TakingCareOfBizzness ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 04:58:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay, that's just fucked up and funny shit right there.
torolf_212 ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:55:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too soon.
H4xolotl ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 10:34:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TOO SOON, MEXECUTUS!
mcarlini ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:54:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MORGUL DOOR!
_thirdeyeopener_ ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:17:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I laughed at this way harder than I should have. Thanks for that, perfect stranger :)
somkoala ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
murder door
willsherm28 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
top kek
madsock ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:23:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Move the door!
Redhavok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Eomunds daughter!"
2074red2074 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:22:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No I promise they'll make it. Seriously, they will get to Mordor at some point in the next unspecified number of books.
co99950 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:19:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's going to be awesome and there's going to be a 300 ft tall ent with a gigantic penis that he swings like a mace.
Omniphagous ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:25:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They make it in the movie adaptation, but the books are still being written.
NoThrowLikeAway ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Ent incest chapters are pretty hard to get into.
combustiblemushroom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't trees have incest anyway though?
Garibond ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:50:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They would, but instead of peace and prosperity it leads to infighting as Gondor tries to reaffirm its position as a historical super-power and Rohan fights to maintain its independent sovereignty
AdamsDJ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo falls into the fires of mount doom with the ring instead of Golem, but before he can do this the entire army approaching the black gates is destroyed by the army of orks.
oncestrong13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nobody made it to Canterbury either
infinitivephrase ยท 168 points ยท Posted at 03:00:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We'd have, at most, two out of the three books done.
Vectoor ยท 94 points ยท Posted at 03:09:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That said Tolkien did take a long long time to write the books. It's just that they were all published in short succession since he actually wrote it as one book that was then split into three.
[deleted] ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:42:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wouldn't say he took a long time writing them, he just took a long time editing them until they were as perfect as they could be in his eyes. I'm pretty sure his children are still digging through the unfinished notes and abandoned drafts of his books that he left behind
torturousvacuum ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:24:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's actually 6 books bound into 3 volumes of two books each.
DuplexFields ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:47:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want a 6-volume edition.
BSFE ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:30:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have one but they're all paperback, not as nice as you'd expect.
melody-calling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boo I love my 6 volume edition.
BSFE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably a nicer one than mine then. Mine is actually 7 volumes because they put appendices into one at the end but it just feels kinda cheap.
Jesus_Harry_Christ ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:47:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The publishers split it into 3 since the price of paper would have made a single book too expensive for the average reader.
chx_ ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:20:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And binding it would be very hard. Sanderson regularly posts about this in the context of publishing his Stormlight Archive books for example here
To compare, here's a 3263 page directory. It weighs eight pounds. That's just not fit for casual reading. Your arms would tire holding it up, you can't just put it in your bag to read it on the bus and so on. So yeah, they totally needed to split LotR up.
Makhiel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:43:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It might have been back then, but not now. The single-volume paperback I have has "only" some 1200 pages, it's not that heavy.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, The Two Towers would have been split into two books. One for Frodo, Sam, and Smeagol, and the other following Aragorn, Gandalf, and the rest of the fellowship. It would end in Aragorn's death, and we'd wait for a decade to find out he gets ressurected by Gandalf, who is then banished for sacrificing Pippin in the ressurection ritual.
hacefunter69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Its six books?
liquidthc ยท 136 points ยท Posted at 03:03:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gandalf would probably die in the first book and never return.
voisinat ยท 127 points ยท Posted at 03:14:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering Sean Bean is Borromir, he might as well keep that scene but make his mad dash for power a desperate plea for saving his people of Gondor.
Mordor is Coming
Kattzalos ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 04:20:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what he said he wanted the ring for:
"Why should we not think that the Great Ring has come into our hands to serve us in the very hour of need? Wielding it the Free Lords of the Free may surely defeat the Enemy."
voisinat ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:36:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what he said at the council right? It started that way but when he tried to take the ring from Frodo his motives started to turn more self serving, like the ring calling to and corrupting Boromir.
Helen_of_TroyMcClure ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:30:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, in the book that's basically what it is, his father convinced him that if he got he ring, they could use it to save Gondor.
voisinat ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:34:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah but in the books what ended up driving him to take the ring from Frodo was a corrupt desire for power disguised. He comes to his senses later and sacrifices himself. If we are retelling this, his character might be this incorruptible Eddard Stark counterpart to Boromir.
da_bomb143 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wasnt it a bit of both already? Like, him wanting to protect his people (who in his mind were weakened, and especially in the face of mordor) was what allowed the ring to corrupt him and tempt him to power
KnightofNi92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean that is how your supposed to view it. Boromir thinks that he needs the Ring to save his people, probably believing that even if the quest somehow succeeds (which he doubts), then Gondor will be destroyed beforehand.
voisinat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I guess what I'm referring to is he doesn't lose that drive at all and become selfish like when he did when he put Frodo and everyone at risk trying to take it.
KnightofNi92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, so have him gain a more dangerous obsession with it. Almost like the Gollum scenes from the beginning of RotK. That definitely sounds like something Martin would do.
myrden ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well I mean, that's kinda what happened. The ring doesn't corrupt people who want to get rid of it i.e. Frodo and Sam, but those who want to use it for good are most at risk. Gandalf wouldn't even touch it really because he knew that he would be corrupted through his desire to use it for good. Boromir really only wanted it for Gondor until the very end when he was completely ensnared.
[deleted] ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:15:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
RoughRhinos ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:23:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gandalf warged into Bill
EBannion ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:22:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one was ever sure, from that day onward, which of the two who fell from that bridge at Khazad-dรปm that day truly returned.
RealmKnight ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM has said as much: http://www.unboundworlds.com/2015/05/george-r-r-martin-on-why-gandalf-should-have-stayed-dead/
alittletoomuchsloth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's actually talked about this in an interview previously and he said that Tolkien shouldn't have brought Gandalf back.
[deleted] ยท 164 points ยท Posted at 03:04:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best of all, if he had started it in the same year Tolkien did, he might have actually finished it by now.
hookyboysb ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:03:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're funny, aren't you? No way he would have finished by now.
monkeyhammar ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:20:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit sex is really anyone would read it for.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:58:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or John Steinbeck: A poor farmer fambly's journey to Mordor. Turns out grass isn't much greener there.
Huwbacca ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The feasts are published as separate addendums at the request of the printers.
SparkyDogPants ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:46:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you've read LOTR Tolkien certainly does not skip details either. He also loves to describe a feast, an outfit, and a million fucking poems and songs.
seredin ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 15:11:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A write-up I did for r/asoiaf about this author swap:
Tolkiens world of Ice and Fire:
would be more intelligently scaled;
the languages would all be fully fleshed out;
the history of far away places would be thoroughly known; (edit -- "far away places that were still plot-relevant")
the scale of objects (lel the Wall) and of distances traveled (lel Euron) would make sense;
slavery wouldn't have played such a major role in Daenerys's plot;
the Night's King would somehow employ industry as a means for accruing power;
there would be less (fewer) POV characters, and certainly less (fewer) female POV characters;
Arya would almost definitely be a boy;
there would simply be no homosexuality;
but the central plot would be generally more straightforward.
Also, the story would have ended by now: Jon Stark and Arya are reunited on the battlefield and destroy the Night's King together, with Ice reforged and Needle.
GRRM's Middle Earth's Third Age:
would be a hell of a lot darker (read: realistic);
the scenes where the Uruk-Hai are rampaging along the frontier of Rohan would be absolutely heart breaking and gruesome;
the Scouring of the Shire would have forever ruined the Hobbits as a friendly and kind people;
the Palantir would have destroyed Pippen's mind, or bent him entirely to the will of Sauron;
the scene in the movies, where Frodo and Sam are taken to Ithilien, would have occurred in the books, because Faramir wouldn't be perfect;
Galadriel would have taken the ring, and required another book that took 10 years to write to overthrow her;
Gandalf's resurrection would have been at the cost of something central to his character: his love for lesser beings;
Arwen would have left Middle Earth before the Fellowship's quest was over;
Sauron would have had a dragon, and he would have led the Nine into battle;
literally everyone who marched on the Black Gates as a distraction for Frodo and Sam would have died;
in the chapter following the Battle of Isengard, in which every Ent dies to merely slow Saruman, a couple Entwives would be discovered by Frodo and Sam in the forest next to Minas Morgul;
Legolas dies in battle while Gimli watches helplessly (also, they're gay); Frodo dies in Mount Doom or Shelob's Lair or the orc's fort; Bilbo kills himself when the ring is destroyed;
Rosie marries a drunkard while Sam was away (sort of a joke, she probably would have been raped to death in the Scouring of the Shire chapter).
edit: formatting and added some content
SelfReconstruct ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:17:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
600 pages of describing each meal in complete detail.
Yog_Kothag ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:24:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo doesn't make it past Fellowship.
Sparklesnap ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:36:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a Tolkien fan who absolutely hates GRRM's writing? Get utterly fucked.
I need a shower.
MrDaddyPoppa ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boromir murders Aragon in his sleep, takes the ring from Frodo, and rapes a few people on the way back to Gondor.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:45:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Wes___Mantooth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:45 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would be an improvement imo
Adam_Scott_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus Sam and Frodo would have the sickest threesome with Gollum.
cayoloco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't give him ideas, he needs to focus on game of thrones right now.
shawnisboring ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
30 pages dedicated to second breakfast.
RepostedNudes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
controversial
p177 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it never fucking ends, just becomes less coherent every book.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo and Sam would have banged at least once before they got to Mordor. EXTREMELY rapey Frodo POV after he is taken prisoner in Shelob's Lair. Erotic massages in Rivendell. Whorehouses in Minas Tirith. Gimli and Galadrial have a scandalous fling. Much more graphic love triangle with Aragon, Arwen, and Eowyn. Boromir is low key gay for Aragon, but his nature was repressed during his traditional Gondorian upbringing so he never confesses his love until his dying breath. Gandalf is a perv who is into Hobbits, of either sex.
And above all, much more detailed descriptions of food, and MUCH more alcohol.
passwordhell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pages and pages of Lembas bread!
BillyBattsShinebox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo gets killed by a Nazgul before even leaving the shire
greymalken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read that as "GRRM does Lord of the Flies." And I still kinda want it.
jujubean14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also lots of Hobbit orgies
SPQR_Tiberius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And floppy penises
Devreckas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And no way does Gandalf get rez'd.
Phrodo_00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the other hand, we'd have a lot less of an idea about how everything (especially trees) looks like. We'd know even more about food, though.
tyrion_targaryen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...And he only finishes half.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We're still waiting for the Return of the King.
Kraken_Greyjoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM does the Mahabharata.
Maskatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It turns out Sam and Frodo were switched at birth and also Rosie is Sam's sister.
_leaflet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At first glance I read it as Lord of the Flies, that would be interesting as well. Instead of the Iron Throne we would have the Golden Conch.
ratsta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Robert Jordan's version. Four chapters spent describing the differences in women's fashion between Minas Tirith and Osgiliath.
The_Dingman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Book 3 still hasn't come out...
atsu333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What do you know, Sean Bean still doesn't make it past the first book.
Strifeee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only answer to OP is "George R.R. Martin does insert book"
J4k0b42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might like The Last Ringbearer. A Russian historian writes the sequel to Lord of the Rings under the assumption that the original books were propaganda, written by the victorious kingdoms of the west. The translation is a bit rough but it's well worth reading.
neoslith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about The Hobbit?
Do we lose a few dwarves to the goblin attack?
976chip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of descriptions of food
WatdeeKhrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly if you'd read any of his other stuff it's not quite like that. Tolkien is more eloquent, but both have a good historical knowledge of technologies of the time, and grrm wouldn't waste his time with songs and all the linguistic stuff. Honestly I think it'd be roughly the same length with more time spent on the inner workings of the characters, food, and clothing.
varley1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And we've been waiting for return of the kings for 10 years since his last promise of "the book should be finished by October"?
Aureliusmind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hundreds of pages committed to describing buffets AND EVERYONE IS WEARING BRITCHES.
qounqer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
by book three the pov character count is topping 300, and you are seriously beginning to question if he'll be able to wrap it up in 3 more chapters.
grammar_oligarch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*insert ten page description of Lembas
Vyorin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:25:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
soooo, the exact same thing as A Song of Ice and Fire?
Martin talks about how his books are a critique of the Medieval High Fantasy genre. He says that we don't need orcs, and goblins and dragons. Humans can be just as evil.
KingInTheNorthDave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my first thought, along with Tolkien's version of SoIaF. Maybe just take writers of all the best fantasy series and have them write each other's work (for scientific purposes). Rowling doing Wheel of Time? GRRM's Harry Potter?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He also does The Hobbit in several volumes. The first book stops after the dwarves have their feast upon meeting Bilbo. It's 600 pages of food descriptions and Gandalf dies.
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We'd never find out of the ring got destroyed or not.
Pork chop sandwich kills him while our protagonists are still written somewhere in the Fangorn Forest.
Also, elven titties. Elven titties everywhere.
Royce_Melborn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So we definitely won't see Return of the King and Two Towers is going to be shit.
BearEater ยท 95 points ยท Posted at 01:14:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don DeLillo's The DaVinci Code
PolarisDiB ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:21:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One time a friend of mine called Thomas Pynchon "The Dan Brown for academics" and as a huge Pynchon fan, I still laughed and agreed.
I think the general underlying idea and story of The DaVinci Code could have been handled by any number of other authors really well. Also would help if it dropped any pretense at being historically accurate.
suhbrochill ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:27:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just watched the extended movie version and it's actually pretty damn good. Way better than the theatrical release. Follows the book almost to a T. The DaVinci code is nothing more than an action novel - high quality mindless entertainment. I don't get why so many people have a problem with that.
PolarisDiB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People were taking it literally, as historically informative. That's a problem, because few moments in the book are factual.
Then, Dan Brown's writing truly is awful. I mean I'm not sure how far you want to get into whether that's opinion or not, but this parody covers the issues well: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/dont-make-fun-of-renowned-dan-brown/
Lastly, considering Brown compares Robert Langdon to Tom Hanks within the first ten pages, and other issues regarding tense and POV, I feel he should have skipped the book format entirely and just written a screenplay. Homeboy clearly needs a director to visualize shit for him.
Other than that I don't mind the story or the idea, or its popularity. I never got around to the movie but I'm sure with Ron Howard on the helm it was at least good.
parker_fly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:27:57 on July 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out Katherine Neville's A Perfect Circle and The Eight. Dan Brown lifted almost his entire shtick from her, except she's a good writer and storyteller.
Blue_Three ยท 167 points ยท Posted at 02:35:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Prince by Murakami Haruki
diebrarian ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 06:40:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Prince refers to himself as "boku."
His rose is institutionalized and passes away while Prince Boku is on his journey.
The Fox is named Midori and has to be tamed.
Blue_Three ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 07:01:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, someone needs to have that obligatory blowjob dream.
wasabi_weasel ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 08:36:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Prince fixes himself a simple dinner of spaghetti and the fox has the most beautiful ears he's ever seen.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:48:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He meets the snake at a jazz club whilst drinking whisky.
circuitryofthewolf ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:47:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read this!
M_PBUH ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The prince has quick sex with the rose and she smokes a cigarette after. Then on the Prince's journey 10 years after she appears to him and they have sex again. Then she commits suicide.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:08:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, don't ruin my favorite book like that...
StuntmanSalt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:46:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chivas Regal will be drunk
forradalmar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this would be heavy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Draw me a cat."
keytar_gyro ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Mermaid
NoBiggDeall ยท 49 points ยท Posted at 03:19:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King writes James and the Giant Peach.
BearEater ยท 217 points ยท Posted at 01:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's A Confederacy of Dunces
AntipodalBurrito ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 02:47:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it's called Suttree.
gonzagylot00 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo.
dvegas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:37:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Tale of the Moonlight Melon Mounter is pretty Duncey
AntipodalBurrito ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:42:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what I was thinking. Plus, and maybe it's because the tone reminds me of New Orleans (not a good reason):
An enormous whore had come to the bar with empty mugs for filling. She stood against Suttree and gave him a sidelong look of porcine lechery.
IAmNedKelly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:26:43 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe it's been said The Passenger is set at least partly in New Orleans. McCarthy lived there for a time in the 80s and we know The Passenger is set in the 80s, so it's a fit.
rinnhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fucking golf clap, sir.
SardonicKiller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i was thinking more of an 80's movie slow clap.
ASlyGuy ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:55:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, but only read it if you already plan on killing yourself.
BearEater ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:59:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Worked for O'Toole
poorlyObfuscated ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TOO SOO ... oh. Yeah. Never mind. Carry on.
Moralai ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:08:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Already ahead of you.
ASlyGuy ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:10:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wanna go halvsies on a gun?
Chortling_Chemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Me too thanks
ShinjoB ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:18:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to see Martin Amis cover CoD.
garena_elder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read his spin on catcher in the rye
ocean365 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This piqued my interest
ltadman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:50:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just COULD NOT get in to that book. Is it worth trying again?
BlackCoffeeBulb ยท 124 points ยท Posted at 02:13:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iliad and Odyssey by George R. R. Martin
I had so many thoughts on this question, I think I'm just going for karma at this point...
therebelghost ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 04:02:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He'd take as long to write the book as Odysseus takes to get home.
drgradus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:26:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ooh, look for Ilium. It's a combination of the Iliad and Shakespeare and future SciFi fun.
Globalscree ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:06:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Simmons!
kpjformat ยท 906 points ยท Posted at 01:39:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible as written by the following supergroup: Tolkein on the poems and songs Mordecai Richler on the dialogue Stephen King on the narrative Battle scenes written by Bernard Cornwall With special telling of 'Salome' written by Oscar Wilde and Margaret Atwood presents: Lot's Tale
Bedlambiker ยท 242 points ยท Posted at 02:54:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't realize how badly I need Margaret Atwood's version of the story of Lot until now.
married_a_music_man ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 03:18:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood wrote a parallel perspective kind of work to Homer's Odyssey called the Peneloppiad, and it's fascinating. Would highly recommend.
Also just cause I've never found anywhere else to put this on reddit, she came to my university to give a talk a couple years ago, and she was fucking hysterical the entire time. People left with their chests hurting from laughing so hard, it was amazing. That woman deserves so much respect.
kpjformat ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:25:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Penelopiad is indeed a great book! Glad she is getting a lot of publicity these days due to controversy around banning The Handmaid's Tale in some US schools. Most recent one I read by her was Other Worlds which is a look at myth and mythology in speculative fiction (that is, fantasy, historical fiction, and sci fi) Would highly recommend!!
stuartbrown75 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes great book. I think there's supposed to be s whole series of them: contemporary authors reworking a Greek Myth, but that's the only one I've seen.
Globalscree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Simmons did ilium, basically the trojan war on mars, with literary cues as well.
shadytrex ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:37:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Funny, I adore Margaret Atwood but I haaaaaated the Penelopiad. Thought it was drivel and felt like she churned it out so university students would have to buy it in bulk. I read it for a class and signed up to write about it for a paper, then backed right out of that as soon as I read it and chose a different book. I'm still mad I wasted time reading it.
Love love love a lot of her other work.
Martofunes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a video of that?
caterplillar ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:47:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering how much I liked The Penelopiad, I would love that!
monkwren ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:03:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you imagine her take on the Book of Job?
Scarletfapper ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:24:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood's version of the Bible would be great.
ErrandlessUnheralded ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's some Margaret Atwood I might actually enjoy!
johnny_mcd ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:00:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you know for a guy with "format" in his name...
but in all seriousness this seems awesome
kpjformat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno man! I pressed enter and it was a new line in the box; suffice to say I'm still pretty new to this! And the beauty of the kpj format is that whichever way I format is that. So in this instance it means failing to start a new line, capitalizing occasionally, and omitting use of periods, commas, and semi colons.
cailihphiliac ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:43:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On reddit
if you press space twice
then enter
you get a new line
If you press enter twice
you get
a new paragraph
(If you press - three times, you get a line across the comment box )
get Reddit Enhancement Suite so you can see a preview of what your comment will look like when saved
kpjformat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:20:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you I will refer to this in future
cailihphiliac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:09:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is reddit's formatting guide, it has a lot more than what I've just told you.
lumpiestspoon3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try putting double enters if a single enter doesn't work.
Tubbier-Wombat ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:48:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So to format this:
Poems and Songs - Tolkien
Dialogue - Mordecai Richler
Narrative - Stephen King
Battle Scenes - Bernard Cornwall
'Salome' - Oscar Wilde
'Lot's Tale' - Margaret Atwood
gamedemon24 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:50:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glad you included Atwood, she's a badass.
nemo_sum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:43:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, let her write the songs too, have you read Year of the Flood?
spiderman_666 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:15:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know... Considering the way that the Bible is written, as well as its eternal popularity, I wouldn't be surprised if a 'supergroup' circa fourth century AD did indeed write the book.
nemo_sum ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:44:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Writers' Workshop of Nicea
theRee1Dea1 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bernard Cornwell's battle scenes are amazing. If anyone reading this hasn't read his series "The Saxon Stories" or "The Warlord Chronicles", I suggest you listen to the audiobooks or go buy the hard copy asap. There is also a TV show based on the Saxon Stories called "The Last Kingdom". It is my second favorite TV series of all time!
whadupbuttercup ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, Salome has already been done so people needn't wait on that one.
kpjformat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bring me the head of John the Baptist!
Yog_Kothag ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:25:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's version of the gospel sandwiched inbetween the apostles would be brilliant.
ElectricCheeseHound ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:44:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two Canadians in your supergroup. Nice.
_akmodo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The literary equivalent of the Traveling Wilburys.
kpjformat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey, Dylan won a Nobel in literature, maybe we can overlap the two groups yet!
mrbaconator1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:18:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, I really liked the battle scene of when that one dude summons a whole bunch of bear cavalry to fuck up those kids in the original.
Zerotan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conversely a Disney take on Lord of the Rings with lyrics and poems by Tim Rice
loklanc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds absolutely amazing, could end up as a "We Are the World" too-many-cooks mish mash though.
eyemadeanaccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Add in the first chapter by George R. R. Martin because it drags on and on and never seems to finish.
Mistahmilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking he should cover the last supper or maybe the scenes at Sodom and Gamorah.
brent1123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
& Brian Jaques for every feast & religious festival
Flying-Camel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please, it should be Dr Seuss on the poems.
TryinaD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be the ultimate Bible. I would be religious again after readin' dat shit.
Cthulhuhoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we get Chuck Palahniuk to sub in for Job?
riles_ssss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can we get Brian Jacques to write descriptions of all the food?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh damn if Bernard Cornwall wrote the Bible I'd actually be interested in reading it
almightySapling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have King and Gaiman co-writing and I'm sold.
plus4dbu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read the Old Testament written by Malcolm Gladwell. He gave a wonderful TED talk on David and Goliath that was just captivating.
HugoTRB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about Douglas Adams in a part of it?
zombiefightsshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This needs more upvotes.
oz6702 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:43:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's fuckin genius. I'd read it.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท -7 points ยท Posted at 01:52:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<pauper's reddit gold> well earned, ma'am/sir.
prolixdreams ยท 1349 points ยท Posted at 01:14:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' version of the Narnia books. It'd be way better.
Neil Gaiman's version of Outlander.
Mupyeah ยท 249 points ยท Posted at 02:29:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually kind of want to read Neil Gaiman's Hitchhiker's Guide.
princess-smartypants ยท 87 points ยท Posted at 02:38:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did write that one episode of Doctor Who, so I can actually kinda see this.
[deleted] ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 03:23:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wrote two, in fact.
One was way better.
cpcwrites ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which one was the other one?
[deleted] ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:07:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I assume the first you were referring to was The Doctor's Wife. The other was Nightmare in Silver (Cybermen in the space amusement park).
cpcwrites ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huh! I don't even remember Nightmare in Silver.
jurassicbond ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 11:24:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm listening to Trigger Warning right now and he's got a Dr. Who short story in there as well.
JimmySinner ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:27:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's also developing a sci-fi series for Fox right now based on the film Parallels, which itself is sorta like a cover of Sliders.
RandyReaver ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:07:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That movie was so disappointing!
It felt like a pilot to a tv series the purpose of which was to entice viewers just enough to want to watch more but leave the plot open to any possibilities. I liked it but the ending was just abrupt and frustrating.
kal500200 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:13:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it was a pilot that didn't get picked up...
NeuHundred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's so clearly what it is.
[deleted] ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But Hitchhiker's Guide is a spoof. You can't really cover a spoof - to extend the music metaphor, that would be like Jay Z covering one of Weird Al's parody songs.
Get_Rad_Bro ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:25:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean tell me you wouldn't love to hear jay-z covering Amish paradise.
TheScottymo ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 12:28:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to hear the original artists covering Weird Al's parodies.
theth1rdchild ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good Omens is surprisingly close.
scotscott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just finished
readinglistening to that!TheExquisiteCorpse ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:11:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually when Douglas Adams died they offered Neil Gaiman the chance to finish the last Hitchhiker's book. He turned it down and Eoin Colfer ended up doing it.
ThePressle54 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:39:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't stand that book. It tried way too hard to be way too cute.
zixx ยท 288 points ยท Posted at 02:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never realized how much I want this.
LueyTheWrench ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:43:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the Clan she winds up with will be a bunch of disgruntled elder gods, the redcoats are all singular dimensional avatars of modern vices, and there's some angry Polish prick lurking in the background waiting to smash Clare's head in with a hammer.
Sign me up.
MyfanwyTiffany ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:54:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To fund the return of Scotland's king, there's a cave full of gold and all it wants in return is your soul sold.
AskMeAboutPodracing ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:25:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I had the collection of the Narnia books on my shelf, so I decided to try my hand at a cover of the first page and a half in Douglas Adams' style. Here goes:
Once there were four children, an amount for precisely the number of arms the parents have, but an overabundance for their collective attention. Their names were Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. This story is about something that happened to them when they were sent away from London during the war because of their parent's realization that they had had two too many children.
They were sent to the house of an old Professor who lived in the heart of they country, ten miles east from the armpit of the city. He had no wife and he lived in a very large house with a housekeeper called Mrs Macready and three servants. (Their names were Icy, Margaret and Betty, but they hardly feature in this feature so why include their names.) He himself was a very old man with shaggy white hair which grew over most of this face as well as on his head so as to give him the air of a Komondor. For this, the children took a liking to him at once with Lucy (being the youngest) even daring to scratch him behind the ear.
As soon as they had said goodnight to the Professor and gone upstairs on the first night, the boys came into the girls' room and they all talked it over.
"We've fallen on our feet and no mistake," said Peter, incorrectly assessing their destitute situation regarding their parents offloading them onto the nearest related loon. "This is going perfectly splendid," he said, incorrectly again. "That old chap will let us do anything we like."
"I think he's an old dear," said Susan, who was always one to point out the obvious to everyone, as humans oft do.
"Oh, come off it!" said Edmund, who was tired and pretending not to be tired, which always made him cranky. "Don't go on talking like that."
"Like what?" said Susan; "and anyway, it's time you were in bed."
"Trying to talk like Mother," said Edmund. "And who are you to say when I'm to go to bed? Go to bed yourself."
"Hadn't we all better go to bed?" said Lucy. "There's sure to be a row if we're heard talking here."
"No there won't," said Peter. "I tell you this is the sort of house where no one's going to mind what we do. Anyway, they won't hear us. It's about ten minutes' walk from here down to that dining-room, and any amount of stairs and passages in between." Peter seemed a tad too excited to remind everyone of their isolated position from the rest of the house.
"What's that noise?" said Lucy suddenly. It was a far larger house than she had ever been in before and thought of all those long passages and rows of doors leading into empty rooms was beginning to make her feel a little creepy.
"It's only a bird, silly," said Edmund.
"It's an owl," corrected Peter, even though the statement itself required no correcting due to the fact that owls, in fact, are birds. Though in this case, it was an old Spectacled owl that did not, in fact, wear spectacles, but was merely given that name by some confused scholar who himself, in fact, needed spectacles.
ultron32 ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:48:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams's version of basically everything.
Throwawaymyheart01 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:38:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
CS Lewis was friends with Tolkien and was one of the fathers of the fantasy writing genre as we know it. I know his books can be a overly Jesus-y (being parables and all) and I love Douglas Adams but "way better" is a bit of a stretch. Maybe way more fun to read but not written better.
DomLite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With respect to Mr. Lewis, because he is one of the fathers of fantasy writing as you said, and he was able to come up with the Narnia books, the do tend to be a bit inconsistent, with details between books changing or contradicting themselves, not to mention some sequences moving at absolutely breakneck speed when they could do with a bit more detail and focus, even if they were written for children.
I'd love to see a talented modern author given the go-ahead to not so much re-write the books as polish them up and make them connect to one another better and flesh out the details a bit more. One of my biggest gripes with the series is Jadis. Going by The Magician's Nephew, she was the first evil of Narnia, and The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe seems to re-enforce this with her being entitled to the life of every traitor via the Deep Magic. The mention that traitors must die or the world will end could also be taken out as it's contradicted in the next book. We read about all of this, plus Jadis' homeworld of Charn being completely desolate due to her destroying all life out of spite, as well as her basically ruling Narnia from near the beginning of it's existence, but by the end of the series the ultimate evil force seems to be Tash as a sort of antithesis to Aslan. If someone was to rewrite this series, I'd definitely rework that aspect to have Tash be a goddess figure modeled on Jadis to reflect the fact that she is the being who brought evil into Narnia, which would have been perfect and pure otherwise. Tash just seems like an excuse to have a big creepy monster in the final book, even after Horse and his Boy where you're made to actually sympathize with the Calormen people and are shown nothing overtly evil about them.
Basically, Lewis was a very gifted author and had a wonderful imagination, but he didn't really put a lot of work into making the Narnia books click with each other and be all that they could, especially when weighed against contemporaries like Tolkien. I know they were written for children, but they still felt very... sloppy to me. The prose was nice and the setting was phenomenal, but from a technical standpoint, yeah they could easily be "written better" by someone who bothers to take all of the aspects into account and write them as a series, rather than individual books that just happen to be set in the same world and may or may not mesh 100% with previous books.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:04:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever read the Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy books? Consistentcy is not their strong suit.
hikiri ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:53:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's version of anything.
OnyxMelon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's version of Narnia?
hikiri ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:40:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I'd read the shit out of that.
mikeheck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:44 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best idea I've seen so far
rmcshaw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:49:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'A study in Emerald' is evidence that he can pull it of.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's version of anything would be vastly overrated like all of his work. He's talented but his writing strikes me as not really utilizing that talent well.
Sinkingpilot ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:33:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking about how cool a dark GRRM Narnia would be.
MananTheMoon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:23:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, Douglas Adams could make Mein Kampf an engagingly hilarious read.
ImAlwaysWrite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:46:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I LOVE the narnia books but it would be nice to see them written with more flavor.
JackMontegue ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:42:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Outlander, yes.
Douglas Adams' Narnia? No. Well, maybe. I would have to read it first. I wouldn't expect it to be any good, however.
Qaeta ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:57:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously, Jadis would have been MUCH easier to deal with if Diggory and Polly had just remembered their towels and a giant whale had mysteriously fallen from the sky on her.
nikkitgirl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:54:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be fascinating to see how Adams would play with the blatant Christian symbolism in Narnia
prolixdreams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:38:08 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly!!
nikkitgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:12 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My biggest guess would be that [jesus allegory] would be routinely talked about and have attribute things they do to him, but he'd never actually appear or do anything.
nionvox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please pitch this to him on Twitter.
7457431095 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haha why does Douglas Adams' get SO much love on reddit? Because of the Hitchhiker books? Honestly, Adams has nothing on Lewis.
prolixdreams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:37:50 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't speak for Reddit but Adams is far and away my favorite author, has been since before I could read and my dad was reading Hitchhiker's Guide to me before bed. I don't have any particular beef with C. S. Lewis, and I recognize his importance to fantasy canon, he's just not a favorite.
7457431095 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:27 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I just hold Lewis in such high regard because he was my introduction to fantasy and I absolutely adored his books as a kid. I think his influence also sways him towards him over Adams, but I can't say I've given Adams a real shot.
bcheds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is what I need: Bring Douglas back from the dead, lock him in a hotel room, and make him write this!
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be up for Neil Gaiman's version of Narnia. I wonder if it would turn out more like The Magicians.
Sammyboy616 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Douglas Adams' version of literally anything would be way better than the original.
Aromir19 ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 03:29:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone's version of the narina books would be better.
apophis-pegasus ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:54:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given that Lewis came up with them I would argue not.
encadence ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:37:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm very fond of the Narnia books, and I'd wouldn't want a redo of their story. However, it would be possible to write a tale that takes place within one of the other worlds within the Narnia universe. I'd be down for that all day.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 00:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pick Stephen King's cover of Valley of the Dolls, Philip Roth's cover of Eat Pray Love, and Harry Crew's cover of Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll raise you one. What about the Prisoner of Azkaban by George Orwell?
Execute-Order-66 ยท 74 points ยท Posted at 01:14:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Machiavelli's version of the Bible.
Seeeab ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 01:41:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So what just a continuation of the old testament or
AtomicFlx ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:00:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would there really be much difference?
Quikanims ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well his gay lover's likeness is already worshiped instead of the actual Jesus.
mdfox85 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say what now?
AnomalousAvocado ยท 393 points ยท Posted at 00:55:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writes Bambi.
Krabins ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 03:16:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bambi's mother broke her fast with a serving of freshly fallen acorns, three plump raspberries, and some dewy moss.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 299 points ยท Posted at 00:58:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Furry fap fest.
whatisabaggins55 ยท 85 points ยท Posted at 03:26:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/bandnames
uigsyvigvusy ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:01:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/alliteration
[deleted] ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 02:03:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/nocontext
maddiemoiselle ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:55:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/evenwithcontext
CoconutMochi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:09:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that the impression you get from the tv show? I read the books and they're not that heavy on the sex. At least not compared to some other known authors.
ZaneHannanAU ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/furry_irl would love this.
lynxSnowCat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't that shutdown after Patreon fixed the way they process rewards?
tocilog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a scrumptious venison meal.
doomparrot42 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:52:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever read the original Bambi: A Life in the Woods? It's reasonably messed up.
DanteandRandallFlagg ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:29:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spends two pages discribing venison pies.
heard_enough_crap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:55:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be something like this
redbirdrising ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:25:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here for this, not disappointed
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spoiler alert: Thumper dies at the end of the first chapter.
Derelyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
wow, i had nominated Neal Stephenson to cover The Amber series, but Martin would be pretty fucking solid.
zmanabc123abc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writing Hamilton (I know its not a book but still).... Yes lets just focus on hamiltons affair and all of the sex everyone has.... ORGY TIME
practiceMakesGooder ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 02:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Taming of the Shrew by Douglas Adams
SGT_Chowdown ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:56:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"And really,' said Katharina 'why am I just expected to go along with all of your idiot plans? You clearly must think yourself a god to say it is night-time when it is day-time!"
"Well, perhaps I am!" said Petruchio, a tad too nervously.
"Well then, I don't believe in you." said Katharina.
And poof! Petruchio disappeared in a puff of desperation and cheap cologne, and Katharina was free to Do As She Liked.
wheresmypurplekitten ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:23:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beautiful! Now the rest!
StupidDogCoffee ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 02:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote de la Mancha by Cormack McCarthy
Pendragn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are ya tryin to get the entire world to commit suicide at once?
itsthematrixdood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing.
Lintilion ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:21:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's "Goosebumps"
wwdbd ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:24:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harper Lee's "A Song of Ice and Fire" because the ending is revealed in the first three sentences but we wouldn't know it.
Irresistibilly ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And she would release it all in one book and then quietly disappear.
eddie_pls ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 07:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Until they release Go Set a Night's Watchman and it turns out Ned Stark was a big racist all along
James_Posey ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 11:33:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But then we'll all collectivity discredit the follow up because it wasn't her final copy, and it was clearly just a money grab by her estate. Because that's not the Nedd Stark that I know and love.
hydrospanner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the other direction, let's let John Grisham take a crack at To Kill a Mockingbird.
RadRighteous ยท 152 points ยท Posted at 02:09:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's rendition of The Novelization of Toy Story.
palordrolap ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:15:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toy Story 2 is more of a Tolkien tale. In the first one they'd barely leave the Shire.
Jesus_Harry_Christ ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:53:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds about right, it took frodo 18 years from the time he got the ring until he destroyed it.
Redhavok ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:38:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I could walk anywhere on Earth in a few months.
CJB95 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:46:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair you could. In the book he received the ring and didn't set out to destroy it until like 17 years later. From them leaving the shire to the destruction of the ring is only like 5 months Spanning from when Frodo arrives in Rivendell in October 3017to when Golumn and the ring go into the fires of Mt Doom on March 25 3018
Redhavok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahhh ok that makes a lot more sense. In that case they did quite well, depending on the distance.
Drachefly ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 16:14:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And that was with a one month layover in Lothlorien.
RadRighteous ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's true. Plus I want to hear about the details of the prospector's beard.
Kinuama ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We would get to know every detail of andy's room
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Roverandom" is a similar kind of work by him, you should give it a read
BearEater ยท 69 points ยท Posted at 01:15:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's The Giving Tree: Or the Evening Sunset over Manhattan
Waynersnitzel ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 01:25:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It was a lone tree burning on the desert. A heraldic tree that the passing storm had left afire. The solitary pilgrim drawn up before it had traveled far to be here and he knelt in the hot sand and held his numbed hands out while all about in that circle attended companies of lesser auxiliaries routed forth into the inordinate day, small owls that crouched silently and stood from foot to foot and tarantulas and solpugas and vinegarroons and the vicious mygale spiders and beaded lizards with mouths black as a chowdog's, deadly to man, and the little desert basilisks that jet blood from their eyes and the small sandvipers like seemly gods, silent and the same, in Jeda, in Babylon. A constellation of ignited eyes that edged the ring of light all bound in a precarious truce before this torch whose brightness had set back the stars in their sockets." Blood Meridian
geekisthenewcool ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:28:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy freaking crap. I was one breath away from going, "you perfectly nailed his style." Hahaha
Waynersnitzel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:05:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could have tried, but it would never have passed muster. His mastery of vocabulary is far greater than anything I am capable of.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know, I just don't care for his writing. It seems over the top, trying too hard, even masturbatory. I liked the road a lot but I put down blood meridian. Do you have a recommendation of one of his books that might be more accessible?
ThaddyG ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:59:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No country for old men is more accessible than some of his other stuff. I love his style but it's definitely over the top.
Chortling_Chemist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So far the Border Trilogy isn't as insane and over-the-top as Blood Meridian. Still pretty bleak though. I'm almost done with The Crossing. I have a feeling things will get gnarly in Cities of the Plain though, if only from the title.
WalkingHorse ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great trilogy.
Chortling_Chemist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love it so far.
goofball_jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blood Meridian is a tough book, no matter how you slice it. It's also possibly the most horrific book I've ever read (and I'm a horror fan).
The Border Trilogy is a good start with All the Pretty Horses being the best. No Country for Old Men is also good, though you may already know the overall story due to the movie.
PalmBeacham ยท 120 points ยท Posted at 02:57:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art of The Deal but covered by actual Donald Trump with no ghost writer or editor
evilweirdo ยท 128 points ยท Posted at 03:40:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://randomtextgenerator.com/
theottomaddox ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 04:24:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you write a whole book in 140 character chunks?
chokingonlego ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 05:38:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He needs to publish a book with all his tweets in it called "The Art Of The Deal With It".
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 05:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, he needs to not do anything. Ever.
AccaWolf ยท 89 points ยท Posted at 02:04:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Star Trek writers' versions of all the Star Wars novels!
Zonetr00per ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 02:50:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sort of exists. It's called The Crystal Star, was written by an author who'd done a lot of Star Trek novels before attempting a Star Wars one, and easily ranks up there as one of the absolute wierdest Star Wars stories.
DarthRegoria ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 04:04:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OMG! The Crystal Star was the absolute worst Star Wars novel I ever read. I couldn't get into it at all, I started it about 3 times. Then I took it camping, had too much to drink and threw up on it. Never replaced it, never tried to finish it. Loved all the other SW novels. Now I know why!
ThaneduFife ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:33:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I take it you've never read Children of the Jedi (spoiler: Luke is in love with a ghost) or anything by Kevin J. Anderson? ;-)
SeekerofAlice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:43:09 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark Saber wasn't the worst thing ever...
TorsteinTheRed ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:55:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, ichor oozing force altars that drain people's life force is just the tip of that iceberg :/
ThaneduFife ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 22:35:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I only dimly remember The Crystal Star because (1) I read it in a single night, even though it wasn't very good; and (2) it taught be the word "ichor."
The weirdest Star Wars book of all time still has to be The Lando Calrissian Adventures, though. Space manta-ray/whales, life-sucking Force crystals--if it was weird in a not-very-Star Wars way, that book had it. It's still one of my all time favorites.
hydrospanner ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:04:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I'd have known that when I read it. It'd have been a little more palatable. A little.
Fleeby_Jeeby ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 02:59:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski's "Catcher in the Rye"
poranges ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really feel this.
Walrus_Fighter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:44:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking Matheson for Catcher. I feel like it could be super creepy
Bravoflysociety ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 03:03:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covering The Great Gatsby.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:04:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"East Egg is Decadent and Depraved"
kvz9023 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:02:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It was walking into the Buchanan household when the drugs started to kick in..."
BearEater ยท 16432 points ยท Posted at 01:12:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT THIS IS A GREAT QUESTION
TattooSadness ยท 2947 points ยท Posted at 02:00:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously. I wish this were a real thing
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 1720 points ยท Posted at 02:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It kind of is?
I mean there's anthologies of authors who will write Sherlock Holmes stories (I'm sure there's other examples I can't think of), and there's the stuff like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
There's also the stuff where they do re-tellings or base stories/movies on classic literature. So Clueless was loosely based off of Emma, Easy A was The Scarlett Letter, O was Othello.
It exists in fan fiction too, but then you need to be able to weed through the shit to find the good stuff.
Though, really someone said Stephen King and Twilight, and that would be fucking amazing.
ImmAPear ยท 437 points ยท Posted at 02:43:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just like all these modern renditions of fairy tales?
atomfullerene ยท 140 points ยท Posted at 03:08:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what all of those have in common, as do fairy tales? They are out of copyright. We'd see this happen much more frequently if copyright was limited to its original term instead of practically permanent, as it is today.
Toxicitor ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 03:29:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Copyright: forever and a day
drgradus ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 06:15:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
* Copyright: Applies to anything concurrent or subsequent with/from Mickey Mouse.
Which is incredibly ironic, given how much Walt drew from public domain works on the vast majority of his films.
Either that, or he got some pressure from Mab to get another generation invested in the works of the brothers Grimm.
Quicksilver_Johny ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"forever less one day"
Ekanselttar ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 05:54:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"However long until Mickey Mouse is about to expire and then it gets bumped back again."
lainechandler ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:13:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*all renditions of fairy tales. There is no such thing as the original ones. Just the ones passed down by mouth for so long that they finally got written down on paper.
cruzweb ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not just modern renditions, but other renditions that are also very old. A lot of times, what we recognize as the contemporary "popular" version is already a re-write or simply different version of an oral tale told over time.
So from where I see it, people have been telling variations on the same story since people have been telling stories, putting their own spin and flavor on it. Story / book "covers" have always been a thing.
Esmesqualor ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:39:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I did a project in high school where I wrote fairy tales from the perspective of villains to make them seem sympathetic and have a legitimate excuse for their actions. I know that's done a lot but I had a lot of fun with it. It would be cool to see other stories from the villains perspective. That's why I love stories like Dracula or GoT where each chapter is a different character narrating.
ImmAPear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love this concept. Maybe because I'm a bit of a cynic and I've grown tired of the typical fairy tale damsel-in-distress dialogue, but I find stories written in the villain's perspective significantly more fascinating.
AnExoticLlama ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:47:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like The Book of Mormon?
Opset ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first Witcher book is basically just old fairy tales with Geralt in them.
chrysanthemumsies ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 03:39:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upvoted for fanfiction. Seriously, if any of you really like a TV show/movie/book/anything really, check out fanfiction. If it's moderately popular, I guarantee you'll find fandom favorites that are as good (sometimes even better) than the source. It's definitely not all shittily written smut by teenage girls (some of it is well-written smut). But in all honesty it's amazing and at this point it's all I read. These authors churn out beautiful pieces of fiction for free, just because they enjoy it so much. I cannot recommend checking out fanfiction.net or archiveofourown.org enough.
Get past the stigma and give fanfiction a shot, you might end up downloading fanfiction onto your kindle and lying to people when they ask "what are you reading?" like me!
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:48:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some of it is definitely very well written smut. And the well written smut is so much goddamn better than the stuff you can buy in stores. Plus, it's about characters you already care about. And also some of it isn't just smut, it's well written long stories with the sex not cut out.
I laughed because I remembered how my mother describes Outlander as explicit. And I have now read the first book and a half, and yeah, there's sex - but I have for sure read much dirtier and explicit things and it was all in fic.
But then also one of my favourite stories was a 200 page one (I put it on my e-reader) that was mostly not sex and it was a fantastically written Parks and Rec story about Ben and Leslie that started before they were dating in the show about how they'd eventually end up together. It was so goddamn good.
I said about the "wading through the shit", because there is still a lot of shit -- I'm into Ghostbusters fic at the moment (well, Holtz/Erin) and I know which authors to skip, and which ones to read immediately with new stories. But it means being willing to be exposed to some awful stuff.
chrysanthemumsies ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:53:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh trust me, I'm part of the BBC Sherlock and Star Trek fandoms respectively (and shipping exactly who you think in both), so I know about wading through shit.
But holy shit I love Parks & Rec! Do you have a link to the fic you're talking about? It sounds super interesting.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:59:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you're not shipping spirk then you can't sit with us.
chrysanthemumsies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:02:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
;-)
babyeatingdingoes ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:06:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the full thing (the bottom of each part links to the next part). I can't remember what happens because of how long ago I read it, but I do remember it made me feel all the emotions. Definitely recommend anything of hers that's complete (oh how she broke my heart by abandoning that one fic I was so very into).
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:24:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahahahah. You're the best, I was dealing with the tick incident by that point and all of my Internet searches were about that, also S thanks you too for the amusing comments/offer of assistance. Also somehow I woke up at 730. Didn't get out of bed until 8, but still! Woooo :D
babyeatingdingoes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're still doing better than me! I woke up at 230 and got up at 415 or so. Stupid rain, now my shoulders and back have joined the achey party.
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:00:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I shouldn't tell you I just got out of a massage, right? That would be cruel.
Also I could just text you, I am aware of this, but it's amusing me. Do you have work today? I'll be home soon.
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:06:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That I do!
It will hurt, but it's one of those good hurts.
Had to jump on my desktop because I could not remember what it was called, and I read it when it I was still occasionally on LJ, but she has an AO3 account! Woo!! I'm gonna have to check out what she's been writing lately.
Edit: So it looks like she never finished updating it on that site, even though she finished the story. I will PM you with my fandom email and can send over the file I have though (:
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:55:26 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(late reply I know) I actually don't think I've read many long fics that weren't at least an "M" or equivalent, not because they were smutty for the sake of it, it's almost like sex is a natural part of life or something
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:39:46 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? I want a well written story, that has everything. And typically published novels have one, or the other. And I want stories where people are still mature adults, with complicated lives, and not your typical romance novel.
I say "I want" but clearly a lot of us want this, and it's just not as available as it should be.
-Mountain-King- ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:54:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I recommend looking at the tvtropes fanficrecs page for the series you want to read fic of. You'll get stuff that's decent at worst, plus they sort by genre and give you an idea of what to expect.
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 04:00:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorting on Archive of Our Own by hits, reccs, or bookmarks is also helpful if you're just getting into a bigger fandom.
hurrrrrmione ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 06:31:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And make sure to filter out the incomplete works, too. Nothing sucks more than getting multiple chapters into an amazing fic and then realizing it's unfinished and hasn't been updated for years.
spoonerwilkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:48:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I find AO3 to be very uneven but that's because I'm on a longer Worm binge at the moment. Spacebattles and Sufficient Velocity are chock full of great writers on the other hand.
mrbaconator1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:06:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started reading fanfiction then later it was like a gateway into webnovels. Have you ever heard of xianxia? Look up I Shall Seal the Heavens on wuxiaworld.com. also check out r/noveltranslations
spoonerwilkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:04:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh you evil bastard... Eight books, over a thousand and four hundred chapters and it's not even finished? That's going to screw up my summer reading plans.
mrbaconator1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WELL you don't even know how good you have it when I discovered it, it only had like 200 chapters. It's actually almost finished like less than 200 to go. It will be finished in like july.
I also recommend Coiling Dragon because that is one of the finished ones. Stellar Transformations is related to that too and it's finished but I didn't like it as much. It's ok, not bad, but not one of my favorites.
Battle Through The Heavens, The Great Ruler, and Wu Dong Qian Kun are all by the same person and a bit samey but they're pretty good. Martial World is a bit generic but not bad. Perfect World and Desolate Era are god like levels of good.
Against the Gods is boring for 35 chapters, gets insanely good, then becomes REALLY trashy and terrible. Tales of Demons and Gods is also god like levels of good but the author has dropped off interest in writing it and now only does a chapter a month and near where it is he just goes fuck it and you can see that he super rushes it along.
That's my personal advice, I would say read ISSTH first because it's good and it will be finished before you get near the end, then Desolate Era and Perfect World. Oh and Skyfire Avenue is a good sci fi novel.
spoonerwilkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:38:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the tips! I've already started ISSTH and it sucked me in pretty fast. From what I've read so far Meng Hao's story could easily make for a top-notch tv show or series of movies.
I'll have a look/see at the others when I get the chance.
[deleted] ยท 80 points ยท Posted at 02:43:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's what I was thinking. I feel like a "cover" of a book would be more restricted to transferring the original plot/characters into an AU. Which happens a lot in fanfiction, and like you said, happens with classic lit all the time.
frostylakes ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 03:20:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would more be that how everything is written and presented would change. The flavor of the text would change, even if the plot didn't. How an author chose to present the events might change as well, even if the events didn't.
"It was a dark and stormy night" evokes something different than "Rain fell. Thunder clapped. Twelve times the bell rung in the dark." or simply "It was night time and there was a storm." It all carries a different flavor to it even if all of it describes the same events.
dr1fter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:34:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not even an AU -- literally retell the exact same story, just in your own voice?
istara ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's generally better when it's a looser adaptation or a complete rewrite, eg a different time period, than too close to the original.
I think that's why Clueless works so well, because they're not forcing parallels for every last detail. Likewise Lost in Austen was a brilliant "Jane Austen fan fic" for TV/cinema that increased humour with some of the changes it made (eg Caroline Bingley being a lesbian).
I've read a few examples of people trying to continue (or complete) another writer's work, and it nearly always jars.
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:02:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it works better when they spin it because copying... you're going into wanting the same feeling you had before and you're going to notice all of the differences and they are bad jarring things. But if it's a spin? The differences are what makes it good and interesting.
I love Clueless for the same reason I love Legally Blonde. They're seen by everyone as ditzy, dumb, and people probably assume judgemental - when really they're very smart, and very caring and not at all judgemental.
(And yeah, Caroline Bingley being a lesbian was just a wonderful addition. It made me giggle as well because her and the lead actress were in another show called Hex, where their sexualities were swapped)
istara ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:27:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agreed. But wasn't Legally Blonde 2 awful? How could they so entirely miss the point of what made the original film brilliant?
babyeatingdingoes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was pretty into the Bourne books when I was a teen, and about a year after I'd read all three the movie's popularityโ lead to a new author picking up the series. I was pumped. Then I started reading it. It was like he'd skimmed the wikipedia article about the books. If I remember right he set it between the second and third, but immediately killed off several main characters who all appear in book three. Also seemed to forget that the character wasn't actually named Jason Bourne. I never finished the book, and I nearly always finish books, even when I hate them (especially when I hate them?).
koulnis ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:19:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman did that recently with Norse mythology.
bliow ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:06:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was going to say, Neil Gaiman did that recently (sorta) with A Study in Emerald.
TwilightVulpine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Study in Emerald is amazing!
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:23:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I gotta get on that.
I love his short stories and Norse mythology.
dannywarbucks11 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:48:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the best series I've ever read was fanfiction. The Bleach stories by vicioux are absolutely amazing and I recommend them to any fan of bleach.
askyourmom469 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:00:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a good example of this, but the Fifty Shades of Grey books started out as Twilight fanfiction from what I understand. So there's that
itisntmebutmaybeitis ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:06:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also the Cassandra Clare novels started as a Harry Potter fic.
Also she scammed a lot of people, and there was plagiarism of other people's fics in them. And then there was a whooole lotta drama.
Oh, the days of fandom_wank.
spoonerwilkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight in turn was some sort of fanfic too, wasn't it?
alittlemermaid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:20:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, it was at least marginally original. Stephanie Meyer says the story came to her in a dream. It draws on previously existing fantasy tropes of course but it isn't fanfiction.
spoonerwilkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:24:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder where I got that notion from then. I thought it was originally some bizarro HP fanfic. Kudos to her in that case for her success.
justbeingkat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:13:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's Cassandra Claire's "Mortal Instruments." "50 Shades of Grey" started as a Twilight fic. Marissa Meyer's "Cinder" was a Sailor Moon fic.
spoonerwilkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:35:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And now I know that:)
Einmyra ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a few fantasy and scifi anthologies like that out there; basically the author agrees to let other people borrow his universe/characters/etc.
The only examples I can think of are kind of old, though. Basically, Niven (Magic Goes Away & Known Space) and Saberhagen (Berserker).
It would be awesome to see more of...
spoonerwilkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:09:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to say the Man-Kzin wars should be included as well. I absolutely love the idea of the Kzinti lesson as a way to show how accidentally badass Humanity can be even when totally unpreparedphysically or mentally.
scratchedrecord_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:52:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. M. Coetzee also rewrote Robinson Crusoe as Foe.
Markual ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:04:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know. I don't think intertextuality is the same as a cover in the same way OP is suggesting. But at the same time toy do have a point.
Dr-Ellicott-Chatham ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:12:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep! Also, check out The Austen Project, which is precisely what OP is talking about!
jhdierking ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This definitely exists out there if you look for it. For sci-fi, The Stars My Destination comes to mind, which is basically The Count of Monte Cristo in space. Dan Simmons also uses a lot of classic works in his writing: The Tempest, the Iliad, Canterbury Tales, etc.
sarah-bellum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:49:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say, I've read or seen about 6 versions of Pride and Prejudice that use variations on the original book's setting (Eligible, Bride and Prejudice, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Bridget Jones' Diary, I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting). I'm so happy these ARE a real thing, because I love them!
Boom_Shanka_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dean Koontz did a version of Frankenstein too.
randomthug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is also the not so often and always tragic event where an author dies and someone else carries on their stories.
For example Robert Jordan then Brandon Sanderson.
spoonerwilkins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the first time in my experience it has worked out. For example, there were a great deal of stories written about Conan the Cimmerian after Robert E. Howard opted out of living but I don't think any of them really captured the essence of who and what Conan was.
randomthug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man same thing I feel with Dune and Frank Herberts passing. Maybe it is a lot less likely to be a "cover". More likely a pale comparison I guess.
sbetschi12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell, almost everything Shakespeare wrote is a "cover" of someone else's work, and countless authors have covered Shakespeare, as well. Literature is full of covers of covers of covers.
GarbledReverie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman did a version of Beowulf. He's also tackled several other public domain characters. "Baby Cakes" was his version of "A Modest Proposal".
"Wicked" was a version of L. Frank Baum's work by Gregory Maguire. And he's far from the first to make a different perspective on those characters.
Plus the zillions of people who have done versions of "A Christmas Carol"
The only reason it isn't more akin to musical covers is that Authors usually wait for the stories to be public domain. If authors paid other authors royalties, or just got permission to do recent stuff. (Which happens in Hollywood all the time, actually)
Bodymaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:31:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Austen project took place recently - six modern authors each rewrote one of Jane Austen's six novels.
whatudontlikefalafel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also all those translations and reinterpretations of mythology. Neil Gaiman's Norse Myths came out recently. But there's various "covers" of tales of Beowulf, Gilgamesh or other figures out there.
Ask_Threadit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:22:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Gardner's Grendel, Beowulf told from the monster's perspective, is one of my favorite books. A literary classic in its own right.
Nihtgalan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also Conan, there are tons of collections of new Conan short stories by a lot of different authors.
ncolaros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's definitely already a thing. Neil Gaiman literally just wrote a collection of Norse Mythology stories aptly named "Norse Mythology." I highly recommend it too.
KungFuGenius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was also thinking translations. All the different versions of Beowulf, for example.
pmoney757 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's an updated version of the divine comedy. It was actually one of my favorite reads.
fullforce098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was that one time Stan Lee did this for all the DC heroes.
theroboticdan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crichton x Beowulf = Eaters of the Dead
Ask_Threadit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Even better than that, it's a retelling of Beowulf within a frame story that is a fictionalized retelling of Ahmad ibn Fadlan's real life account of his journey as an ambassador (from the Abbasid caliphate in Iraq) to the Varangians (Vikings settled in Western Russia/The Ukraine).
cleverseneca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My first thought when reading the question: "Till We Have Faces" by CS Lewis.
_Brimstone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phillip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" did this for "Paradise Lost."
J4k0b42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens a lot with the H.P. Lovecraft universe.
camfa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The most similar thing I can think of is translations. Whenever you translate something, you have to kind of imprint some of your style in that work. There are, for instance, translations of Edgar Allan Poe's work to spanish made by Cortazar, the great Argentine writer.
Rick0r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cruel Intentions, 10 Things I hate About You.
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you ever seen Pulp Shakespeare?
Juggernauticall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm Ron Burgandy?
CreepyStickGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just read 'Salem' if you want Stephen King and vampires.
spoonerwilkins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But there's no cross-generational romance there:(
lasher_productions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember Jeffrey Archer making a new version of "Shall we tell the president" to make it fit in the Kane & Abel books and changing the geopolitical background to match the (then) current situation
TinyPotatoAttack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Similarly, I hated the movie Paranormal Activity 4 so much that I went straight home from the theater and rewrote it.
You can do this with bad movies, books, tv, etc. that could have been better. It's fun.
BayushiKazemi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yet due to the current state of copyright laws, we'll not be seeing any of these with any material from our lifetimes :/
GruesomeCola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O Brother where art thou is Odyssey right?
suburban_hyena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The question is essentially "Who would write the best fanfiction?"
Sam_Strong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:11:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10 Things I Hate About You is a great cover The Taming of the Shrew
DanGleeballs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O Brother Where Art Thou was also a famous example of this genre.
scotty3281 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou? was loosely based on The Odyssey
jigga19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might sound weird, but I think Dan Brown covering "IT" would be...really interesting.
ken_in_nm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:08:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the flip side of this, a few years ago I read everything of Philip K Dick I could find. Just ate it up. Loved it, especially A Scanner Darkly.
Fast forward to this year, and I wanted to read King's Dark Tower series. King has adopted Dick's wit, style, character development, everything. I'm only in the 3rd book, but the second book was truly awesome.
turcois ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:51 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So is pride and prejudice and zombies like the original book? Very fancy sounding but with zombies? Or just the story but altered
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:50 on July 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's this huge series my little brother reads called Warriors. It's for kids but it's one girls idea I think it's Hunter, and then now there are different authors who do different official series. It's all about a majestic cat world(or so I think).
CatsCheerMeUp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:57 on July 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love cats! They always cheer me up :)
Oberon_Swanson ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:46:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some books are, they are called "retellings." For instance if you want a really cool and good sci-fi 'cover' of A Count of Monte Cristo there's The Stars My Destination by Alfred Bester.
Deadmeat553 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:18:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It probably could be. Contact the publisher of a book you want to cover, and see if you can strike up a deal with them.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:30:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Deadmeat553 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably not for a successful one (well, maybe if you're Stephen King), but I can certainly see it working out for a story that had a great concept but had a poor delivery
MillieBirdie ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It does, it's called 'every novel that is a twist on The Wizard of Oz/Alice in Wonder Land/any fairy tale/Shakespeare/etc'.
mrbaconator1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my god that reminds me of The Looking Glass wars I think by frank beddor. they were soooo good and so badass. shoutouts to hatter maddigan
Origamislayer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:32:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, there's this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuzzy_Nation
Almustafa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You should read Neil Gaiman's "A study in Emerald". It's basically Neil Gaiman writing a Sherlock Holmes story in the style of H.P. Lovecraft.
psychedelicdevilry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman just wrote a telling of old Norse mythologies.
MakeYou_LOL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Film adaptations are pretty close
Brentonclt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can someone please make subreddit like /r/AsRetoldBy?
Lepattycake ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fanfiction gets pretty close. Most authors frown upon reading fanfiction for their own work though, so it would have to be the original author approaching the author they'd want covering their story rather than the other way around like with music.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We may just be able to start something...
NEMinneapolisMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, it is a thing with movies. Lots of remakes.
And most Stanley Kubrick movies are based on books, and he generally changed the stories at least a little to adapt them for film, so this sort of counts.
Rae_Starr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fan fiction is like this.
All those retellings of public domain stories: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies; Neil Gaiman did The Sleeper and the Spindle.
Book to movie adaptations are like covers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It will probably be a possibility soon. Artistic style transfer of writing through Machine Learning.
doomparrot42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God I hope not.
BlackeeGreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is!
But I do wish it was more of a thing.
Coal_Morgan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you know who Robert Jordan is, he wrote the Wheel of Time he also did some Conan which is a Robert E. Howard creation. So there is some of it out there but not to the degree or awesomeness of this thread.
doomparrot42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conan was originally a shared-world character anyway, like the Lovecraft mythos.
AuntieSocial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scalzi's Fuzzy Nation is pretty much that sort of thing exactly.
moonshoeslol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well Brandon Sanderson did finish Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series.
GoldieFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called "fanfiction"
luxeaeterna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is,it's just not that common. Susan Kay's Phantom or Wicked are pretty good examples of it. You could probably make a case for Pride & Prejudice & Zombies and all the books like it, and a lot of fan fiction.
random314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is in movies, but everyone complains about it. I think nothing much will change in book format.
raygundan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think John Scalzi's Fuzzy Nation is a cover of H. Beam Piper's Little Fuzzy, openly and with permission. Both are pretty good.
wrongkanji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything Shakespeare ever wrote was a cover. It's pretty common, or was until modern copyright law.
Pokeadot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman's new book of Norse tales kind of fits the bill
McIgglyTuffMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman recently released "Norse Mythology."
And that's basically this. He takes classic Norse stories and writes them how he wants to write them.
Captain-AmeriCassie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure, but does fanfiction count? I've read a lot of really well written stories. Although it seems like there's much more content for anime and video games rather than books.
ModernPoultry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean thats what movies are. Novel covers would be cool tho
orchlon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well there's Harry Potter and the methods of Rationality, it's good.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hogarth Shakespeare series is sort of a collaborative effort from the great modern writers to adapt Shakespeare's beat work. Margaret Atwood's Tempest is phenomenal. Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl) is doing Hamlet I believe.
uprightbaseball ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This absolutely happens. Ulysses is a modernization of The Oddyssey for example.
2Punx2Furious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably it will become more common eventually.
JustinBiebsFan98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It has been a thing for hundreds of years and is called "rewriting". Was and is very common, think Robinson Crusoe and Foe
Veganpuncher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've thought of this before. It's legal to write it, but it's illegal to sell it or merchandise it.
thinkdip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It could be in the near future...check out my comment here.
Dontreadmudamuser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
contact your local patent office and tell them to shorten the time on copyright filings I guess. I'd love to see public property Star Wars and Lord of the Rings
kjbrasda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There and Back Again: By Max Merriwell is a pretty good sci-fi retelling of The Hobbit, with a bit of Alice in Wonderland thrown in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fanfiction circles has "remixes" which is the same idea. Same prompt, same plot overall, but your own take of it
WW4O ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is in comics.
Peraz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shower thought - aren't movies the covers of books? Like "The Shining" by Stanley Kubrick is different than "The Shining" by Steven King.
GourangaPlusPlus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's essentially what Shakespeare done a lot of the time, he'd use old or foreign stories and put his own spin on it
metatron5369 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was, until intellectual property rights shut everything down.
Look at how many works are derived from Shakespeare.
AOEUD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish cover porn were a real thing. Awesome scene, but she's blonde? Cover, but with a redhead!
distroyaar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out Lamb by Christopher Moore. It's basically a dark comedy full retelling of the bible according to Jesus' unknown best friend biff and it's fun as hell, with Jesus fighting demons, constantly swearing and having women fawning for him. Just generally being a rockstar.
GamerKiwi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:55:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a real thing, it's just called fan fiction.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:26:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It can be very much so when it comes to translations, especially translation of poems.
E.g. Goethe's Faust in different translations feels quite different.
imperial87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It used to be. This was literally shakespear's entire stick
Eat_Penguin_Shit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:09:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is a thing. Christoper Moore has books that are retellings of Shakespeare tales. The books are 'Fool' and 'The Serpent of Venice', which are retellings of 'King Lear' and 'The Merchant of Venice'.
propyro85 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:14:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett - Good Omens
The only one I read, but an awesome and whimsical take on Bad Omen.
edit - god damn phone typos.
[deleted] ยท 1371 points ยท Posted at 02:48:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If this isn't a "Best Origional Question" nomination il eat my hat.
CaptainOvbious ยท 106 points ยท Posted at 03:05:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is there a link to all the nominees and winners of that? I love original questions like this, instead of the unpopular opinion/irrational hatred/greatest movie of all time/ sexiest sex you ever sexed questions I see all the time.
SparkyDogPants ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:37:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Men of reddit, what's the sexist sex you've ever sexed? And a couple hours later. Ladies of reddit, what is the sluttiest sexiest sex you've ever sexed?
DrippyWaffler ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:40:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Then an hour later - Men of reddit, what is a slutty sexy sex women sexed that you don't like?
SparkyDogPants ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:54:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But it won't get as many updoots as "Women of reddit, what type of sexy sexes do you like sexing best?" - /u/.14.year.old.trying.to.figure.things.out
[deleted] ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 03:23:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But how else would I know how sexy the sex that sexy redditors sex sexes sexmxocobodosnx?
tule123 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:07:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
submitted by Xx360noSexX
ColinD1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:37:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His name is ironic. He smashes so much pussy in his Lamborghini yacht.
beitasitbe ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:00:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Redditors who've sexed before, how was it and where are you now?"
groovybrent ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Your wife. Does she go?
boonzeet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wink wink nudge nudge, eh?
IAmTheWaller67 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 06:35:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might as well title half the posts here: "Reddit, how do you justify your personal prejudices?"
jiggabot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:24:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How did you get that scar?
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Women/Men of reddit, what should all women/men know or what have you always wanted to ask men/women?
HellfireKyuubi ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tagged. I'm gonna hold you to that, OP
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:32:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Best Original Question
spunkyweazle ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:40:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm gonna need you to spell "I'll" and "Original" correctly to close any loopholes
Edit: thank you BleedingGrenadine. I'll not have anyone get out of satirical hat eating claims on Reddit; not on my watch
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about "Origional"?
Dr_barfenstein ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:01:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You forgot to say "no bamboozle"
tinnedspicedham ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:04:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll eat Britney Spears' vagina!
AnAnonymousGamer1994 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dat Neutron reference.
TempleMade_MeBroke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read that book, so long as it's covered by a trendy author
NoFucksGiver ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:32:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
want some soy sauce with that?
trentlott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is it with rice?
kkibe ยท 555 points ยท Posted at 02:30:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Props to OP. It's gonna be recycled in a few days though cause the askreddit mods are doing absolute jackshit to maintain quality
SamuraiCarChase ยท 470 points ยท Posted at 02:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's after tomorrow's "which covered novel would you be least excited to read" thread, right?
ballercrantz ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 03:01:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown writes The Cat in the Hat
AerThreepwood ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:34:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown writes Literally Anything.
ValKilmersLooks ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:55:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown writes the bible could be fun.
AerThreepwood ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:45:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And then Moses, who was a man with a beard, looked at the tablet, which was made of stone, and thought, "This stone tablet must mean something."
TestZero ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:36:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tomorrow? You give reddit too much credit. It'll be up within hours.
SupaKoopa714 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:59:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E.L. James covering Infinite Jest.
Perry0485 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Geez dude, don't scare me like that.
NeverBeenStung ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which is obviously a lame low effort post. But could still be a humorous thread.
breakfree89 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Men of Reddit, which covered novel would you want to read the most?
Pewpewkitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Manifesto of the communist party by Jesus
DoctorSauce ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:52:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ugh. Can we all agree to downvote that thread before it gets to the front page?
Fleckeri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DIBS
cmdtekvr ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:29:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too late
UnholyDemigod ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:37:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would you suggest we do?
kkibe ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:45:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be a little more strict on reposted questions. I know that reposts are bound to happen, but it gets a little ridiculous seeing the same post recycled two consecutive days in a row.
TheBirdOfPrey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
make serious tag the default like it should have been for a long time now. Quality of the sub is now 10x better overnight.
If a post got greater than X number of upvotes within the last Y period of time, don't allow reposts of it. could be 500 within 3 months, or 2k within a year, anything would be better than allowing all reposts atm when a bunch of unoriginal people attempt to copy off the success for meaningless internet points that they put value into for no reason.
UnholyDemigod ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:27:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The problem is that we're a default. The biggest default. We get more traffic than any other subreddit, and about 3-4 times as many comments as the next highest subreddit. For us to moderate every subreddit as with serious, it would not be feasible. It's already hard enough doing one thread that gets 1,000+ comments. Most people don't know the rules, don't care about the rules, or simply forget they're in a serious thread.
And as for reposts, we get several thousand new subscribers every day. People who have never heard of reddit before today are reading these questions for the first time. And people found out years ago this is the best sub to gain karma, for the very reason you're complaining: they know what answers get upvoted. It's never going to stop.
TheBirdOfPrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree its tough to moderate, especially as a default with tons of new people who won't know the rules of a subreddit, let alone reddiquette itself. It's much easier to moderate a community that is essentially opt-in for the user, it requires a bit more upfront investment. I'd argue that making serious threads the default would make people follow it more often than they do now, due to being less likely to forget, but the transition is the hardest part and would require significantly more moderation actions than currently. Thats obviously a hard plunge to commit to taking.
I don't really have a response to the 2nd part of your comment. I just think its a shame that a good idea for a subreddit is, by its own very nature, the thing that sorta ruins how good it could be. It's a shitty catch 22.
I don't know of any subreddit that gains quality from being a default. Of course reddit itself probably doesnt want subs to be able to refuse being a default. All the subs that want to maintain quality would refuse and they would have 0 default subs, having some amount of default subs is better for the site to attract new users and keep them coming back for the default sub content. I also think enabling karma for self posts affected Askreddit the most, as it not only became the place to repost comments for karma, but to repost the questions aswell. It feeds itself, reposters reposting questions for other reposters to repost puns on for karma all the way around.
Made worse by the fact that the current state drives the actual quality users away, seeing the same pun chains on the same rehashed and reposted question for the 10th time isnt funny anymore, it's just an annoying waste of my time. So i stop reading, stop participating, and unsubscribe. The subreddit drives itself towards a death spiral that it can't get itself out of, surviving only on the backbone of replacing the users faster than it drives them away.
UnholyDemigod ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:49:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
None do. Any that become defaults actually get shitter. /r/askscience removed themselves because the quality there took a nosedive and it became harder to moderate. 2X gets a lot of hate now, even by women who used to post there, that it's turned into an ultra-left win SJW haven.
It wasn't limited to us, but it literally did have a negative effect. We get sockpuppet accounts; accounts who repost older questions, get karma, then sell the account to spammers. When self posts didn't give out karma, this wouldn't work.
NCWV ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You want the job? I'm sure you'd do a better job at moderating millions of users for free.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If painters painted novel covers, which painter's novel cover would you be most excited to see?
arbivark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If redditors 'covered' posts, the way musicians cover songs, which repost would you be most excited to read?
ohwhatirony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:10:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like reposts on Askreddit since they can have fresh answers each time from different users. But there should be a few months gap at least instead of a few days
SparkyDogPants ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:38:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But a lot of times I like repeat questions because it has no posters and new stories
nugohs ยท 142 points ยท Posted at 02:51:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Spent too long trying to work out if that was the Discworld Death covering someone else's quote.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:11:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck. Ive only read one Discworld, I always listen to them while driving.
You just reminded me of Death's caps.
I hope this sticks. Im going to try to read all caps as death from here out.
WTS_BRIDGE ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:18:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I remember when all of this will be again."
Nerdwiththehat ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:17:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I แดษดแดแดก, ษชแด's สแดสแด แดแด ษขแดแด แดแดกแดส ๊ฐสแดแด แดส แด แดษชแดแด, ษชsษด'แด ษชแด?
rinnhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take these upvotes and choke on them.
justkayla ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:51:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree! I think this is an idea I'll remember from time to time... I was excited to read the responses, but most of these are just trying to be funny.
hyperion064 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:22:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thread was overall disappointing for such an amazing question
tinnedspicedham ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:05:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be good to see it re-asked with a [serious] tag.
SeefKroy ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 02:51:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A wonderful question crippled by Reddit's very limited reference pool of authors
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:14:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In reddit's defense, I too am just sitting here wishing Palahniuk would cover everything now. Palahniuk's Redwall series. Palahniuk's does Gatsby. Palahniuk touching the Hitchhiker's Guide feels near sacrilegious with how much I love that book, but damn it I'd read it.
latman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please enlighten us with your vast array of author knowledge by providing your own replies
RandomTomatoSoup ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 12:41:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please stop being such a bitch and maybe he will
erich0779 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:24:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
10 hours ago he criticised people not having enough knowledge and then didn't make a comment himself, that guy has a point don't act like he's stopping him.
RandomTomatoSoup ยท -3 points ยท Posted at 13:27:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't pretend that him not commenting makes him wrong
erich0779 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:57:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the fact your losing your temper calling him a bitch when he made a valid point.
RandomTomatoSoup ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:08:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That makes sense and I respect what you're saying, so I'll do my best not to lose my temper in future.
DigThatFunk ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah in my 6 ish years using Reddit this is one of the best discussion prompts/questions I've seen. It's one of those things that's so awesome you kinda wonder how it never came up before!
pennypinball ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:51:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
it's the first original question on this sub i've seen in months
ArchangelleSnek ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
42
rainyforest ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:41:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And this is the second most upvoted "answer" to it
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:57:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be a downer, but most of the top responses are pretty unimaginative. Like, fantasy authors covering fantasy novels and sci-fi authors covering sci-fi novels. We already know what those books look like...
BearEater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:22:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is reddit after all. The overwhelming majority of the site has read about the same 50 collective books and talks about them nonstop.
BlackCoffeeBulb ยท 38 points ยท Posted at 02:01:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JUST CAME HERE TO COMMENT THAT
chedeng ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:49:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JUST CAME HERE TO COMMENT ON YOU
tinnedspicedham ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:03:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I JUST CAME HERE TO COMMENT IN ALL CAPS.
AnAnonymousGamer1994 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:14:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit eats this exclamatory shit right up.
wadeishere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:17:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I JUST CAME. I thought I should tell somebody
probablyhrenrai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ME TOO, THANKS.
PM_ME_CUTE_PUPPYS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I JUST CAME HERE TO TEST, PLEASE IGNORE
actual_factual_bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JUST CAME HERE TO CONFIRM MY SUSPICION THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN
HolyNipplesOfChrist ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:50:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edit: Wow thanks for the gold kind stranger!
XDDDDDDDD
Sw3Et ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't open many "Ask Reddit" threads, but I thought this was such an interesting question, I wanted to see what some great answers would be. Unfortunately there's too many people just trying to be funny and giving dumb answers and I remembered why I don't usually open many Ask Reddit threads in the first place.
Damadawf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:47:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you ruined it by not answering it :(
obadetona ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:03:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was my exact reaction! Haven't seen a question this good in ages
Exist50 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm shocked. A new, non-reposted question, and it's good?!? I must be in the wrong /r/askreddit.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too bad this will be drowned out by all the "Redditors who do x, what is y like?" posts
LitterallyShakingOMG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:32:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
thx 4 yuor great answer 9999 golds and upvootes for u kind sir
luxeaeterna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? It's so nice to see an original, interesting, thought provoking question on here lol.
Kraz_I ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:59:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It is, but it's turning out better as a question to ponder alone than it is to actually read this thread.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:29:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great job upvoting this useless reply 8k times idiots
nakedcellist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:46:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There should be a subreddit for this.
Etellex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:59:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, makes me feel like I can tolerate more waves of "what question do you hate being asked" if it means we get something like this every once in a while
Hoodwink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:09:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I seriously expect for this to be a thing now.
In a year or however long it takes to write whatever it is, I fully expect to see this on shelves or some author is going to have an AMA referencing this post.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same thought. I don't really have something to contribute unfortunately but this question is really fun.
A_Very_Big_Fan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:00:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty unusual for /r/AskReddit isn't it?
wadeishere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT THIS IS A BAD COMMENT
ChristoCritter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I CAME HERE TO SAY THIS.
ToastyXD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All I can think about is 50 Shades of Grey as written by Ernest Hemingway and audio narrated by Danny Devito.
Overmind_Slab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Scalzi did this when he wrote fuzzy nation.
Rihsatra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yet, here we are, third answer from the top.
DrCrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a short story by bj novak that is pretty much this.
TerminalReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Next thread: you're Mr inconvenience. You're annoying. What do you do?
casualdelirium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HOLY SHIT HOW DID THIS GET 14K UPVOTES
BearEater ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:05:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Apparently, I'm just that good, baby.
OhHiBaf ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Something something not contributing to the conversation, something something just leave an upvote
Colossus252 ยท 160 points ยท Posted at 01:22:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One by Stephen King
FuujinSama ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:53:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Brandon Sanderson would do a great job with the feel of that book. He might not be the best writer to ever live but he can always make interesting books.
drgradus ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:22:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's the Foo Fighters of Authors.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:01:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's actually a pretty good comparison
Blessing727 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:19:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm shocked so many of you thought Ready Player One sucked. It's one of my favorite books ever. I will says this, though. I only listened to the audiobook, I'll read it myself, see what I think again.
Off topic, my favorite book ever is Stephen King's IT.
Se7enEvilXs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He might actually make it good and readable then
sobermonkey ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did anyone else have trouble with Ready Player One? I made it about half way through before I gave up.
[deleted] ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 02:58:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Lyndis_Caelin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:31:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably would have more Sword Art Online references from what I think. Especially considering sort-of-the-premise.
"SAO is a better Ready Player One" - and it's actually a valid opinion...
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:36:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:48:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The .hack soundtrack was amazing.
T3C_Illuzion ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't remember Ready Player One being a harem.
Jemstar ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found it a little bit "explainy" at points. It didn't kill the book for me, but it was tough to read through some of that. But I get it, from an author's standpoint. You want to have the reader understand the world you're building.
Colossus252 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:11:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It feels like it was being explained by someone with hours and days of time playing D&D. Where you get used to really caring about all these explanations that feel important to the lore of things. And to be fair, it probably was written by someone like that given the content.
imapassenger1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:02:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't even try Armada then...
PrettyPurpleKitty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:50:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So true!
Colossus252 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:05:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found the setting interesting and greatly enjoyed the references it made. My enjoyment came from the concept of the game world and the idea of things hidden within it. The story was nice but my primary enjoyment really came from the relatability of experiences I've had in gaming. It reminds me of the adventures of rpg games I've had and gives nostalgia of retro games that I might not have played a lot but have a special place in my heart for.
Emperor_Neuro ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:50:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought that there was a huge amount of space for him to explore what the real world was like in the dystopia he had created, but he never really did anything with it. That was my biggest disappointment in the book. Without the crazy future dystopia, it was just a nerdy 80's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
mixbany ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:00:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a good audiobook version. I think this one might work better in that format.
the_pedigree ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:21:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You must have a different version than me. I love audiobooks and got the Wil Wheaton version. It's easily the worst audiobook I've heard. Wil is talents clearly do not lie in narration, his tone is often strange or incorrect at parts of the book.
Blessing727 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:15:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I thought Will's version was one of the best audio books I ever heard--only one better, to me, is Steven Weber's IT reading.
drgradus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:24:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheaton portrays the character well. That may be off putting because the character isn't really a human who has grown past his own obsessive goals. In that, Wheaton's portrayal of obsessive excitement is perfectly on point.
darkpassenger9 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:57:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I understand that science fiction requires more exposition than most other genres, but I could not push through a book in which the first several chapters is the author explaining the world of the story via the first-person protagonist with absolutely no framing device for why this is happening.
I mean, Neuromancer was a way more far-out setting in the early 80s and William Gibson managed to make that story coherent without a hundred pages of exposition early on. The conceit in Ready Player One is basically a VR MMORPG and it takes the author fucking ninety pages of talking to me like I'm his new best friend to set the stage. I hated it.
Edit for clarity
Colossus252 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:08:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love it because it all feels like an experience I can imagine being within and alongside the main character in. The whole story wasn't amazing, but it was all so within a world of gaming that I feel like I've experienced before that it gave me some kind of nostalgia boner.
darkpassenger9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I get you. I guess it wasn't really my taste. I don't read books to feel like the protagonist is a sort of avatar for me. Videogames, yeah.
Colossus252 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:02:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably just a carryover from the fact that I don't read much and experience most story telling by way of interactive media.
Snatch_Pastry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, you have to admit that comparing almost anyone to Gibson's penchant for brevity is a little unfair. Gibson hammers on his prose until it is boiled down to the bare minimum, with every word contributing a hundred percent. I enjoyed RPO, but Cline is just not that good of a writer.
darkpassenger9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, I understand it was a tough comparison, but considering the huge success of RPO, I felt it was fair. If a book is gonna sell like hotcakes, it isn'tโexempt from criticism IMO, even comparison to the best of the genre.
theoreticallyben ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:43:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I found that I was abled to finish it once I was stuck in a cabin with no other entertainment, it got more enjoyable after about a third of the way through, because then the world was fully set up and the action could start
Formshifter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I listened to the audiobook on several 3 hour drives. It was entertaining that way and then I read his other book about the alien invasion and it was just terrible. I went back to ready player one and saw just how bad it was written. I guess I missed that while I paid attention to the road
int__0x80 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The middle is really difficult.
ladypixels ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I gave up too. It felt like it was trying too hard to shoehorn in a bunch of references to make geeks like it. Which made it seem very contrived and didn't help with immersion.
shawnisboring ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:49:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's one of the few books I regret reading. I stuck with it because it was an ok enough concept and the world building is interesting in the beginning... but then it just becomes a version of Second Life where 80's references are the currency of the land.
I don't think it helped that I was listening to the audiobook, read by Will Wheaton, who I just simply don't like.
aqouta ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:59:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was complete garbage and felt like the author was trying to jerk me off for getting the most generic 80s nerd culture imaginable. Also despite the premise being fun the world building was fucking terrible, the main character beating a corporation was like the fever dream of someone whose only understanding of corporations comes from plying toon town. The systems in the simulation don't even make sense. The state of the world outside of the simulation is little more than a set piece because it otherwise makes absolutely no sense. The main character is a blatant self insert and all the supporting cast are so flat as to be offensive, the girl only exists to be lusted after and then won after putting up the most minimum fight, the Japanese brothers are what you would think people would act like if you literally thought Japanese people were accurately portrayed in Harem Anime. The whole evil corporation is the most lazily written bad guy possible, it's the type of bad guy you'd have trouble finding believable in spungebob, Plankton has more depth and is more capable. The idea that some punk kid who watched a bunch of movies or some shit is somehow more capable of solving riddles than a think tank with the kind of money to maintain a huge unproductive workforce for years with no progress. to solve riddles that google and tvtropes could solve for one person in a single work day, and they have to be that easy to solve because the whole point is nudging the reader into thinking they're smart for being in on the joke.
Fuck that book,
-someone who had a roommate who loved it.
ladypixels ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:50:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now I don't feel so bad for giving up on it after 2 hours of listening to the audiobook.
grygrx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the worst overrated pop trash, you noticed and freed yourself.
greyjackal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, but then I'm 43, so the references were pretty much tailor made for me.
Colossus252 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:13:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm only 23, but I loved the book and it's references. I might not have played the games and d&d referenced within, but its all things I have knowledge of and interest in, so I could still enjoy it greatly.
greyjackal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sure, i wasn't saying it was exclusively for people my age. Just giving one (of many) reason why I, personally, enjoyed it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's cheesy as fuck, I'd understand.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't think the style of the prose was particularly engaging but as an 80s kid it gave me a huge nostalgia boner by essentially being the essence of my childhood fantasies. It was like fan fiction of my childhood so I ate it up. If 80s/90s movie, tv and video game culture mean nothing to you, I imagine it's a pretty shitty read.
Unnoticedlobster ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:43:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
First try reading it I stopped because I was just bored to death. Second time I gave it a go and was so happy with the decision to push through and finish it. When he's just working out and nothing is really going on was just killing me. I'm thinking about starting Armada tomorrow.
YVAN__EHT__NIOJ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:49:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was my first book I thought of. I'm just not sure what author I'd pick. My current lean is towards Suzanne Collins of Hunger Games. If he hadn't passed already, I'd say that Terry Pratchett would do a good job as well.
Colossus252 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That was my problem. It was the book I wanted to choose, but couldn't think of a proper coverer.
grgisme ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:51:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling -- her ability to make books easy to read and come up with vivid scenes would.be awesome with a SciFi focus.
hohihohi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If they don't have to be living, I bet H.P. Lovecraft could pull an interesting take on it.
Barring that, if you can wait forever, George R.R. Martin might do something interesting with it.
Psudopod ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You ever read Gregor the Overlander?
YVAN__EHT__NIOJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, that's honestly pretty far down on my list.
Psudopod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read it ages ago, but what I remember was that it was Suzanne Collins YA violence-fest, minus the Battle Royale ripoff-ness and popularity over-exposure.
odaiwai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:01:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pratchett (GNU pTerry) was good with the pop culture references and the gamess. He would have done a good cover of that.
YVAN__EHT__NIOJ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:57:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's exactly what I was thinking of when I chose him.
northern_nights ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh Christ that would be so good. Just finished RPO, and wished it was less self congratulatory teen nerd and more mystery/suspense from the puzzles and villains!!
larssputnik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready player one by William Gibson
TruAwesomeness ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 02:15:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Hemingway did War And Peace :)
Also, this should be a thing that novelists do.
MockChef ยท 111 points ยท Posted at 01:15:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covers The Shadow of the Wind
David_mcnasty ยท 109 points ยท Posted at 03:08:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covers The Doors of Stone. Seriously, it's been 6 damned years I want to finish the story already.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay 500 bucks for that cover
David_mcnasty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't leave you hanging at the end of the last one.
ihadaquestion ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:36:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But he didn't? The end of Wise man's fear is: I'm gonna stop here while things are relatively chill, and I'm hanging with friends. We'll get to my downfall later.
Sure you had Bast pull some shady shit near the end, but let's be honest, people care way less about what's happening in the present than they do about how we got there.
Dark13579 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:02:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know though. Even though it's left at a pretty alright spot for Kvothe, there's still so much between then and when the story is being chronicled.
ihadaquestion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a lot of content on the table, but it's hardly a cliffhanger which is what I thought you were trying to say.
DefenestratedCow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:16:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it's not a traditional cliffhanger, but it still feels a lot like one. It ends in the middle of the story without really ending, you know?
whadupbuttercup ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:23:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be fair, he rushed the second book and it really showed. In the second half the main characters just becomes a stupid sex ninja. That being said, there's one chapter in the second book that reads like Oscar Wilde wrote fantasy and it's amazing, it's around page 86 and involve breaking into a room.
The Slow Regard of Silent things is a goddamn masterpiece and took me the longest to read even though it's so short.
MockChef ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually kind of disagree with this. I found it kind of purposeful - you have to remember that Kvothe himself is the one narrating, so it makes sense that in his own retelling he becomes this super-awesome-sex-and-fighting-god - that's the whole point of the unreliable narrator.
In any case, I really enjoyed the second book...
tehgreyghost ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:05:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yup that's the thing about Kvothes story. You can't be sure what is real and made up. All he is doing is putting out the narrative he wants. The "official" biography. So of course it will make him look a lot more awesome than he is. I for one am waiting for the fall. Plus I want him to open the damn third lock. Part of me thinks he locked away his own name. He did it to hide, and in his ignorance he has lost his magic. Like locking your keys in your car.
Lovat69 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:26:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So it's not just me that thinks he's locked away his magic and his music.
tehgreyghost ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:39:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh yeah. Like I think not only is it that but he wanted to hide SO much that he messed up and locked Kvothe into the box. Like he still has the memories but right now he is ACTUALLY Kote. Since he hid it all away so that other mages and namers can't find him he hid himself too well.
But a fun fact in Siaru Kote means "Disaster," plus the difference between the two names is VEH which in academic means "I submit" so I thought that was kind of interesting.
Lovat69 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus Kote is kvothe with some of the letters missing and In the story of Jax he only captures part of the moons name. Forshadowing IMO.
Mergan1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:45:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What you're saying does make sense but there are definitely times in the present where Rothfuss refers to him as Kvothe before slipping back into calling him Kote, which seems very deliberate. I think if his name is in the box he couldn't get it back by telling old stories, like he seems to.
gsfgf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:10:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fae sequence worked for me, especially since the world building was so amazing. The Adem culture was kinda neat, but the sex ninja training part should have been replaced by actual story.
chx_ ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:23:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am very much afraid that he doesn't have a satisfactory ending to the story and that's why it takes so long. It's now as long as we waited for A Dance with Dragons and we do not even have a publication date. Mind you: we do not have a date for The Winds of Winter either...
GGABueno ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:41:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He already knows the ending, he has know that years before he started writing his first book.
It is taking him too long to get everything right though. He took his time with the second book and now he's not only even more worried about getting it perfectly but also had like 2 children, a movie/tv/game deal and a charity program to take care as well...
chx_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ending maybe but a satisfactory ending to all the threads? I am in doubt. I would expect that a delivered book would be announced which means that any 2017 date is now in doubt.
GGABueno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:45:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's probably not coming out in 2018 as well.
And it depends on what you consider open threads. It certainly won't answer all questions about the world, just Kvothe's story.
Waynersnitzel ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 01:22:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice.
TimeMachineProc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:03:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It made my heart all fizz seeing someone mention Rothfuss. Thank you.
discoenvelope ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
aNulgoodlove ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:42:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Noooo! If he starts another project, he'll never finish the Kingkiller Chronicle!
GGABueno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:42:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read anything that man writes...
IIHotelYorba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covers A Wizard of Earthsea
Oh wait
MockChef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
??
AZachOfTheClones ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "The Jungle Book."
Oh wait.
NeuHundred ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:32:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I finally listened to that a few weeks ago, I really enjoyed it.
CptNonsense ยท 28 points ยท Posted at 02:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, I forgot HG Wells' Lord of the Rings
It starts in the middle of the Rivendell council and ends right as they enter Mount Doom
CrydamoureContemode ยท 30 points ยท Posted at 03:02:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami doing Slaughterhouse Five.
Thawrom ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:33:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes! I feel The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle is similar in theme so I can see this working perfectly if it happened.
catsarentcute ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 03:00:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Wrinkle in Time by Cormac McCarthy
Takeurvitamins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toss up with a Stephen king version for me.
mdubsc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Huxley
FillyPhlyerz ยท 47 points ยท Posted at 02:40:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phillip K. Dick's "Moby Dick"
Thereminz ยท 17 points ยท Posted at 04:24:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
did i see the whale or just imagine it?
or am I the whale
discountErasmus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:46:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I'd pay all the money for this. I mean, there's a decent chance it'd be unreadable nonsense, but...
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:12:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PKD's snowcrash would be a fucking existential train ride.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:08:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep, yes. This guy's woke af.
Salt-Pile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Want.
bronzetheillfigure ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 02:28:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wealth of Nations rewritten by Michael Lewis.
Lewis writes about finance better than anyone. He has a unique way of simplifying complicated financial problems while telling a compelling story.
It would be great to hear him insult countries for their poor financial techniques before they knew how they should measure wealth.
Explosive_Ducks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The wealth of nations by Karl Marx. That would be interesting
deathvevo ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:46:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically just Capital, I guess.
Coug-Ra ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:30:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Thomas Harris
greyjackal ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:09:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The third rule of Fight Club is you put the lotion on.
actual_factual_bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
at first I thought you said Neil Patrick Harris
sailorgrumpycat ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:34:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by Douglas Adams
Exandrus ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 02:53:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:56:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<pauper's reddit gold>
bonercollexor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:25:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say the same thing, I'm glad I kept looking!
quithittingme ยท 110 points ยท Posted at 01:55:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Stephen King's The Bible"
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 59 points ยท Posted at 02:08:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sunday school would be really different than when I was a kid.
quithittingme ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:28:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jonah and the whale would be quite the parable
actual_factual_bear ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:18:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But would it really? I mean, I went to Sunday school and I never heard the story of the foreskins, or the guy that pulled out prematurely, or... well I did hear the one about the 42 kids who mocked a prophet by calling him baldie and he called two bears to tear them apart.
Gibodean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get yourself, and those relatives' kids you love a copy of the Brick Testament.
Makes the stories so much more relatable.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:26:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moses recieves the 10 Commandments on top of a lighthouse.
MegaNerd42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean Jesus is already kind of a zombie...
Jesus_Harry_Christ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God is an asshole, like for real.
Sisaac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you think about it, being anyone standing in the way of God's chosen people in the Bible is pretty shitty.
You do your sacrifices, you go on with your daily life, and boom, suddenly a lovecraftian horror has ruined your harvest, given you sores and boils, blotted the sun, and killed your firstborn. Nothing you can do about it. The description of any of the plagues, or any of the devices God uses to help his people from the perspective of those on the other end would be utterly terrifying.
rinnhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not to be too snarky, but, I think that's already his thing.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 489 points ยท Posted at 01:52:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess version of Mein Kampf
Jwalla83 ยท 34 points ยท Posted at 04:41:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One fish, two fish,
Red fish, Jew fish?
serjykalstryke2 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:35:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two fish, one fish
Jew fish, done fish
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:13:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
๐๐
[deleted] ยท 78 points ยท Posted at 03:09:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
hermionieweasley ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:53:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/r/jesuschristreddit
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 04:41:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn! Deleted. Wha'd it say?
Swibblestein ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 07:36:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't even argue with the deletion. I fully expected a "jesus christ reddit" when I posted it.
bromanceisdead ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:25:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i have to know what it said - pm me pls
Panthermon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:50:57 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pm me what it was
FrodoSwagginson ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:18:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/cheeseandricereddit
DrippyWaffler ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:23:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark. I love it.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:12:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you have the original post?
DrippyWaffler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:14:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll message it to you since I assume it got removed.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would also like this. I forget what it said, mostly because given the context of this thread it didn't stick out as something that bad
DOORSARECOOLISTAKEN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:46:14 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bro, you gotta tell us
DrippyWaffler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:49:48 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah it was ages ago. I wouldn't be able to find it :/
DOORSARECOOLISTAKEN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:00 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a shame, have a, nice night. :-)
DrippyWaffler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:22:51 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks :)
TENTAtheSane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Message it to me too!
RIOTS_R_US ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same
thebartman47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I piggyback on this?
EnLilaSko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Message please.
A_Soggy_Cactus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Same
stevethegecko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would appreciate a message
fizzypickles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:13:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I see what it said too?
stonecharioteer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ahahahahahahahah that's brilliant.
chokingonlego ยท 29 points ยท Posted at 05:33:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We must kill the pesky jews
their golden homes and big kazoos
they have grown too big fat and strong
they control the world with magic dongs
foreskin is cut and power is made
when jews are in love, we need a crusade
death to jews, gays, blacks and gays
for their tainted blood brings Aryans pain
511234 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 09:12:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm almost afraid to upvote this.
TransitRanger_327 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 12:15:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I'm gonna be out on a list
marsrants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:34:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
probably
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:02:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
whyyyy
[deleted] ยท 96 points ยท Posted at 02:04:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
TheMysteriousMid ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 02:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds more like something out of the Brothers Grimm to me.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 02:33:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which would be fairly typical of Nazi Propoganda.
legendary24_8 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:36:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't the nazis claim the Jews ate babies or some shit like that?
serjykalstryke2 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 03:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They claimed a lot of crazy shit about Jews.
They said they were behind both global capitalism and communism, but also were intellectually and physically inferior the Germans, but also were sneaky enough to infiltrate the German government and lost World War I
uss1701jb ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:44:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you want to paint a group as inferior but need a reason to make people hate them
serjykalstryke2 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reminds me of a meme I saw on Facebook about left wing folks' conflicting stereotypes
"When you are simotaniously an anti-free speech domestic terrorist but also an easily-triggered cuck who needs safe spaces"
Lukifer ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 08:28:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Equivalent for the right wing: "when you believe it's wrong for governments to interfere in the wisdom of markets, unless it's to use guns and a wall to keep
brown peopleimmigrants from competing for your job"legendary24_8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It sounds ridiculous now but millions of people hated Jews because of the nazis, and not just Germans. Not everyone knew of they heinous acts the nazis did but plenty still hated Jews.
Heyoceama ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:12:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't people hate Jews long before the Nazis came around? Thats why they were a good scapegoat.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scapegoating is kind of an odd concept and I feel like it's taught as a rationalization. As if the nazis didn't actually believe their own propaganda
They scapegoated them because they literally thought they were the root cause of society's problems.
Anti-Semetism goes back a millennia in Europe. It still exists today.
Reddegeddon ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For centuries, they were the only group in the western world that could lend money. Look at the disgust America has towards Wall Street and it makes sense.
legendary24_8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:14:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were definitely hated for a long time before the nazis. I guess that might be why they were blamed for everything that went wrong with Germany
[deleted] ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:41:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
serjykalstryke2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FTFY
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The meter is wrong.
ProbablyATempAccount ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:54:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm only saying this because it's completely unimportant, but you would have perfect metrical structure if you said "They horde their gold inside their homes"
serjykalstryke2 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:35:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edited.
One can't have a bad meter.
PointyOintment ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you would have perfect word usage if you wrote "they hoard their gold" and "because their hearts".
trixylizrd ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:02:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mind your god damned language.
JCjustchill ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:07:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses by Dr. Seuss
Oniknight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:29:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Take a look at Dr. Seuss' Private Snafu cartoons. He was very vocally anti-nazi (being Jewish himself), but I wouldn't be surprised if he would create a parody book version.
Now all I can think about is BOOOOOOBY TRAPS.
Chiafriend12 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:30:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/fartlover1776 official CMD.net book club reading?
/u/emobatmanreturns /u/theofficialdoubleswe
TheOfficialDoubleSwe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:49:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Meow chia chan~ mo mo mo mo mo
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:52:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw this thread on /lit/
Scarletfapper ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:26:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I du nott leik zem, nein, nein, nein! I vill shuut zem in a line!
inconspicuous_male ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:50:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Considering Seuss was known for his political comics before his childrens books, I don't think there's a universe where this happens
serjykalstryke2 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:51:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have you seen his depictions of Japanese people? I can definitely see a universe where this happens.
weirddodgestratus ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 05:48:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wasn't aware of this, so I googled "dr seuss japanese people" and got this directly next to this.
Hmmmmm....
serjykalstryke2 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Besides the racism, I just get weirded out having a time placement for Dr. Suess as a human being.
He is like a timeless, faceless, magical being that graces childhood. It's weird thinking of him as like...an author/illustrator
patron_vectras ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:44:39 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
... when is the first one published?
does search
Looks lie the same year. WTF
Oniknight ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:31:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Because they were at war with Japan and Germany during WW2. He was called upon to make army training videos for the troops as well.
serjykalstryke2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 05:20:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, thus I can imagine a universe other than our own where theodor Geisel was tasked by the nazis instead of the United States to create wartime propoganda.
I can also imagine a universe populated by dinosaurs in bikinis.
trixylizrd ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 05:03:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, in that case it's not racism, it's patriotism!
Oniknight ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:01:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Racism and patriotism are often tangled up in times of war. How many times have you seen a caricature of an enemy used in cartoons to emphasize their villainy?
trixylizrd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dehumanizing your opponent is the first thing the army does. It's easier killing animals than humans.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't he later apologize?
serjykalstryke2 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:16:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably?
Lots of Nazis apologized too.
trixylizrd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:27:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry about plunging the world into global conflict guys, our bad!
[deleted] ยท -10 points ยท Posted at 02:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
thaliart ยท 81 points ยท Posted at 02:36:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is your second Seuss attempt, and gotta say... Have you ever read a Dr. Seuss book dude? These just miss the metre so much I wonder if English isn't your first language
Mister_Justin ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:32:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roasted
alastairreed ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:20:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
savage
trixylizrd ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
caveman!
gamegyro56 ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:07:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
.....Is this supposed to rhyme?
[deleted] ยท 58 points ยท Posted at 02:02:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[removed]
yossipossi ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:54:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy damn, this would be terrifying to read with visuals.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:42:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially weird cartoony pictures with odd coloring
Antumbra_Ferox ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:28:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remove the "Will I" from the last line to read "Or gas them in a room with locks" to make the syllable count work and I'll give you this here juicy, sun ripened upvote
serjykalstryke2 ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:29:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Done. Now I want my internet point to affirm my self worth.
irck ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poor attempt.
iradi95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:04:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can you message it to me please :)
[deleted] ยท 117 points ยท Posted at 02:54:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm only halfway down but seriously no Gaiman's Dune or Stranger in a Strange Land???
ratsta ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:19:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been thinking about what I'd like to get Gaiman to write but he's already touched on so many genres, many topics wouldn't be particularly groundbreaking. I think scifi is about the only area he hasn't worked in. I think Gaiman's Dune and SIASL would be awesome!
spottedcat7 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:52:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could grok a Gaiman cover of that, ya.
aqouta ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:46:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stranger in a strange land would be a great book to get rewritten by just about any author but it clashes so much with Gaiman's style.
DuplexFields ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl's The Martian Comes Home.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:06 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much why I chose him to re-write it. Heinlein was always more of a philosopher than a writer. I think Gaiman could give it some life that some other authors might not be able to.
sayrus01 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:56:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather see Heinlein's take on Dune.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:12 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe Herbert's take on Stranger. Heinlein never seemed to have the subtlety that Herbert did.
digitalsmear ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:25:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like a Gaiman Dune would be completely void of so much of the sociopolitical subtleties that were intrinsic to the story...
ellixan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:13:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want Pat Rothfuss to do Stranger. I feel like that would be amazing. Only after he finishes book three of his own series, though.
ahighcoldstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman doing The Hobbit was THE FIRST thing that came to my mind!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:24 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman's take on just about anything would be fun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good choice, But I think I'd rather see China Mieville's Dune
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:06 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're probably right I'm sort of stuck a couple decades in the past as far as fiction reading is concerned. Any best single book by China Mieville you'd suggest?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:51:47 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
City and the city is good, but there are a few of them set in that 'theme' and I can't remember what order is recommended. Embassytown is a nice standalone to start with.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks I'll try and find those.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Gore R. R. Martin's take on Dune would be pretty interesting as well.
dav3wash ยท 46 points ยท Posted at 02:49:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The wife says she would take Edgar Allan Poe covers 50 Shades of Grey.
I want an Edgar Allan Poe covers Harry Potter.
Walrus_Fighter ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh both would be sweet!
ycnz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:11:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god.
KarthusWins ยท 66 points ยท Posted at 01:43:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aldous Huxley's version of Childhood's End.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be super interesting. I can really see that working- it would be like a variation, rather than a totally different style, I feel like, but it would illuminate different aspects of the implications explored in CE.
KarthusWins ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 01:51:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Huxley's reinterpretation of all of Clarke's novels.
Geotolkien ยท 260 points ยท Posted at 01:44:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King rewrites of horror classics like Frankenstein and Dracula wpuld be interesting and likely an improvement.
Zylle ยท 100 points ยท Posted at 02:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you haven't already read it, Revival by Stephen King is heavily inspired by and contains a fair number of allusions to Frankenstein. Read it recently and really enjoyed it.
TheMFDrez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:56:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, Revival is amazing. That ending was classy.
cthulusayswhat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:12:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Revival was the moment I knew Stephen King was one of the greatest authors of our time. It felt like a book he just shotguned out, and it was still a damn good read.
doc_two_thirty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:31:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And some of his older stuff is even better! If you liked revival, you are gonna love his works when he was younger
cthulusayswhat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh I'm a long time fan, I even enjoyed his books as Richard Bachman, albeit everyone knew it was him by the time I got around to them. That's what got me about Revival. It pales in comparison to his other books, but it was still great.
doc_two_thirty ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:51:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, I think its because King shies away from writing proper horror nowadays. Revival, in all its glory was good but not a spooky. I liked the end though which is one thing about King books people complain about.
baughgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm halfway through Revival right now and am so glad you think it's good. It's just really starting to get interesting. I was getting anxious for a bit.
PennywiseEsquire ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ending is very Lovecraft too.
Zylle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, and I really enjoyed all the Lovecraftian allusions throughout the book.
[deleted] ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 02:48:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dracula is really dry, but I have crazy respect for Stoker because he took a horror, wrote it epistolary-style, and still made it suspenseful. How can you be nervous about something written in a letter? You know the person was okay enough to write it...
The section with the ship's log was great, I thought.
Frankenstein, however, I couldn't get into. Stopped halfway, right after the monster picked up the entire English language by eavesdropping on a family in the woods.
LibraryLass ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:32:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
German language.
sentient8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dracula is great as an audiobook. A lot of old horror is.
Hydra_Master ยท 44 points ยท Posted at 02:17:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um . . . Salem's Lot?
Nathan_Silver ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:21:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah pretty much this guy is the only one itt that gets a wish granted lol.
EarthAllAlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
right?? this fuckin guy
aphexmoon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An improvement of Frankenstein which is a literary classic?
A new life for it or a new way of looking at it, sure, but an improvement is a stretch
EarthAllAlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literary improvement? No chance in hell.
Improvement as horror entertainment? Most likely
MegalomaniacHack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's one of the foundations of science fiction. And like a lot of classics, it hasn't necessarily aged well, especially as the genre has grown, but without it...
Pendragn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:06:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or the Tell Tale Heart, Masque of the Red Death, or basically anything and everything else by Poe.
wgrsgr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dean Koontz has done a version of Frankenstein. I dont think its very similar, but its pretty good anyway
bluesky557 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frankenstein is already really good though. Hard to improve on that.
Mizu-Chan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Have to slightly agree there.
umfum ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:57:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill A Mockingbird by Bret Easton Ellis
Tom Sawyer by Mark Z. Danielewski
The Canterbury Tales by Ogden Nash
Erosion010 ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:51:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's "Ender's Game"
NonaSuomi282 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:53:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's Shadow series.
narcxx ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 05:03:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Canterbury Tales" - A graphic novel by Joss Whedon.
hydrospanner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we're getting into graphic formats, let Frank Miller run wild in the Tarantino universe.
[deleted] ยท 590 points ยท Posted at 01:42:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King or Rowling write Game of Thrones.
Mostly just because they know how to finish a damn book/series without waiting until they die of diabetes.
Edit: I'm aware their endings can be subpar. I'm aware that Rowling will ruin it five years from now by saying that John Snow is a pedo or something. But. Any ending is better than no ending.
HumousFiend ยท 201 points ยท Posted at 02:25:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King almost died when hit by a van before the last 3 dark tower books had been released!!
TheMadmanAndre ยท 191 points ยท Posted at 02:43:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IIRC It was what actually motivated him to finish the series ASAP.
HolyCherries ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 03:59:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He actually wrote the guy into one of the books. The character drives a blue minivan with his Rottweiler named bullet, and almost hits a fictionalized Stephen King. He even named the character Brian Smith, the man who hit him was Everett Smith. His wife also cleaned out his studio while he was recovering so she could redecorate it. Seeing the empty studio made him realize what it would look like after his death. This inspired him to write Lisey's Story, which is one of my all time favorite books.
TheMadmanAndre ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:08:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder what that guy thinks now. "Oh wow, I accidentally nearly killed Stephen King and he wrote me into a book."
HolyCherries ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 04:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He's dead. Overdosed on pain killers shortly after the accident. Stephen had his lawyers buy the van afterwards and then had it crushed.
wastelandavenger ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really? Wow
arquebus_x ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:12:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah Stephen King is not a nice man. He holds a grudge and likes to tell people about it.
f3nd3r ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:54:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It wasn't shortly after the accident, it was well over a year later, however, the man died on King's birthday.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:47:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, the self-insert Stephen King is a recurring character in DT and it's god-awful. We jokingly call that period of his writing the 'van' period (DT, Duma Key, Lisey's Story, etc). I completely understand why he kept rehashing the accident in his various writings though; Stephen King gets through shit by writing about it. I quite love "Doctor Sleep", but a good portion of it is very clearly "Stephen King's Ode to Alcoholics Anonymous", and that's alright, it worked for him and he's just doing his processing thang.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:48:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, he straight up has the van accident happen all over again in Kingdom Hospital, only with a fictional author instead of himself.
hamlet9000 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:54:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Much to the detriment of the series, honestly.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:23:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
hamlet9000 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:50:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cyclical nature of the series actually doesn't bother me. It's baked into the themes of the story pretty deep. For the longest time I actually thought that the end of the series would be, "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." except with Eddie as the gunslinger and Roland as the man in black.
Well... it does bother me slightly: The series frames Roland's mistakes as all occurring prior to the point where he's re-inserted into the timeline, which calls into question his ability to actually change the outcome. But then there's the horn which suggests that a change has already been wrought before the loop begins, but... how? The mythology isn't quite coherent enough for the ending to have the full impact that I feel like it should.
My problem is actually just an overall drop in thoughtfulness and quality in the last three books. I think there's an element of them being rushed out. There's also the fact that the first four books all organically emerged from Stephen King out of a lump sum of life experience filtered through the rough, fantastical outline conceived in his youth. The fact he was in a different place in his life and interpreting his own story through very different lenses is part of what makes the first four books so very strong. The fifth, sixth, and seventh books all blend together into a single chunk. I, like many others, was also vastly underwhelmed by Stephen King becoming a diegetic part of the universe. The first interaction was almost tolerable, but the fourth or fifth time he came back to it I was really, really, really bored with it.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:50:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, the One True Ending is 'Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came', a stupidly long poem by Robert Browning. How that will be interpreted will remain to be seen.
Iamchinesedotcom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:46 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Roland is playing a single-player RPG looking for best ending.
Orphan_Anthem_86 ยท 93 points ยท Posted at 02:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Was it a van filled with diabetes?
AerThreepwood ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was in a Wal-Mart parking lot, so yes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It was actually a coca cola van. No it wasn't.
BaconPanda ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:57:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anybody got that van driver's number? Could use the same trick.
terminallyCapricious ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:22:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fun fact, he bought the van and smashed it with a sledgehammer
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:27:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually it got sent to the scrapyard but he wanted it do that.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:26:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The ol' Frank Dunning method.
Sotari ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rip Ellen. She was a real Lucille Ball
actual_factual_bear ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My dad was also hit by a van around the same time, but nobody else ever remembers that...
MwowMwow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A random fact about your dad. On a phone, so you'll have to pull it up yourself.
mbelf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:35:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Luckily he was nursed back to health by a crazed fan.
Lovat69 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also the ending sucked.
ImAtTheWrongTrack ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:01:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
r/pureasoiaf
We Do Not Show.
AllTheHolloway ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:25:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Disappointing, name made me think it be a sub where people tried to re imagine ASOIAF in a family friendly way
mindbleach ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:45:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a fantastic catchphrase.
StayPuffGoomba ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 14:07:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If King finished Thrones we would just find out that the dragons were aliens and R'hllor is in fact Randall Flagg.
j8sadm632b ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:31:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ehhh
mindbleach ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:47:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seriously? The man writes like a machine. His publisher made him take up a pseudonym because they were marketing too many books under his real name.
j8sadm632b ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:07:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm saying he doesn't "know how to finish" a book because his endings are famously terrible.
I haven't read everything he's written, obviously, but it often comes across like he writes several hundred pages, thinks "gee this is getting pretty long" and just kinda ends it.
EarthAllAlong ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:59:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but his endings are known for being sub-par. well, the past 10 years or so anyway. Under the Dome and 11/22/63 stand out. Oftentimes the books just end very abruptly.
mindbleach ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:08:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No arguing that. The Mist ends with them driving off. He basically saw the movie and went 'shit, why didn't I think of that?'
Redhavok ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:31:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT was pretty lame too, a spider as the true form of evil, and Pennywise is still alive, people just died for no reason, and the book got less scary.
CubingGiraffe ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:10:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's how a supernatural thriller / horror / sci-fi novel should end though, isn't it? Right to the throat the whole way through, and having you put down the book wondering what the Hell you just read?
I thought Mr. Mercedes had a brilliant ending, and my friend said that Revivals was great as well. Anything specific from the last ten you thought ended poorly? I actually think his earlier books, until the 1980-1996 golden age of King, are sub-par compared to the last ten or so years.
EarthAllAlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
indiscriminate stephen king spoilers below, beware all.
Well, even though I love them both, under the dome and 11/22/63 both had bad endings, I thought. Under the Dome was such an amazing look at a small town tawdriness, but it wasn't orchestrated by something like the literal devil coming into your town and setting it all up like in Needful Things--instead it was already all there, beneath the surface, and the dome just brought it to a head. It was a fantastic "What If" scenario, and the ending was just, " *Shrug, aliens did it. classic kid-on-an-anthill-with-a-magnifying-glass scenario." The ending felt more suited to a 30 minute twilight zone episode (such as Monsters are due on Maple Street, which the novel is very reminiscent of) than a huge doorstopper of a book.
11/22/63 is a book I really love, but I just can't say that the ending is good. The chapters with sadie make you really want Jake to just leave it all behind and stay in the past, but King leaves just enough of a threatening current running the background to keep the hairs on the back of your neck up. The bookies. Sadie's husband. The conspiracy. And then it shatters this idyllic thing he had going when Sadie is attacked and deformed. He could just do a reset...but when he did it before after just a little while, it felt....unethical, or dishonest, to romance a girl he'd already romanced, only she doesn't know it. But surely the temptation is there. So anyway, my problem is that when he finally does go back to the future, the book shies away from making concrete, realistic extrapolations of what might have happened. It sort of does, but at the same time, it has this other element, the tectonic disruption caused by his time hopping. That wound up causing more trouble than saving Kennedy ever did. And what's why I don't like it. I feel like king didn't fully believe in his vision of the alternate present so he made sure there were other factors at play so he could kind of softball it. Also, it's implied (or stated) that every time he goes back he makes a new universe right? So...that timeline where he ROYALLY FUCKED THINGS UP is still out there, and the earth is going to end. And Jake...never really seems to fully grasp the gravity of his actions. He just goes back to "his" timeline and that's that.
Revival did have an amazing ending, and the book was paced extremely well. Mr. Mercedes reads like it was born to be made into a TV series. I loved the lack of supernatural elements. good ending. Dr. Sleep's ending was...okay. I really like The Shining, I think it's a straight up masterpiece, so I had a few reservations going in to Dr. Sleep. But it felt realistic. Danny's struggling with the problems he inherited from his father, which is exactly what his father before him did. The cycle of abuse theme runs strong through this book. That was the best part of it. The physics of how the psychic energy works was a little weird. I kind of didn't need Shining explained to me--sort of felt like Midichlorians in that way...The ending brought some nice closure to danny's ordeal in The Shining but at the same time, that closure was there (for readers) anyway...Jack bashed his own head in with the mallet after struggling to regain control of his body, in an attempt to let his son and wife get away. I feel like the movie has kind of washed that detail away from us. But anyhoo.
I havent read end of watch or finders keepers yet.
So anyway, you don't like old king? Carrie, The Shining, The Stand, Salem's Lot? These are some of my faves! It's hard to argue with the 80s just being non stop gold. at least till like....tommyknockers.
CubingGiraffe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can see your points, I suppose. And no, not a big fan of early King. Not as much as I am of the later stuff, yes with the exception of some of the out there novels like Dream catcher and Tommyknockers in the middle. I do really enjoy The Long Walk, however, despite it being one of his first novels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any ending is better than no ending.
morris1022 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:27:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JJ would finish them, but she would also ruin them. There'd be a deus ex machina and everyone would get a puppy
ghostbrainalpha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:00:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most of us reading Steven Kings Tower series thought he would never finish.
I love King, but it was fairly obvious he didn't have the stamina for a series that long.
It takes a talented writer AND an additional skill to work in Epic Fantasy length. Props to him for at least finishing it though.
ThinkMinty ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:56:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I figured she'd make John Snow secretly a sasquatch rebellion or something.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:30:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but King's endings suck
HasBenThere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But King's ending would be disappointing.
KnightofNi92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You'd want Brandon Sanderson then. Not only would GoT be finished, he would have begun 2 other series and already started and finished a third one as well.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson breaks my heart too much.
Coug-Ra ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:26:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alan Ginsburg.
PhilosopyViking ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:02:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a biography
rouseco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I beg to differ
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, it's both, they collaborated together
ertebolle ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 02:52:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's Jurassic Park - the hacking bits would be way better and Muldoon would be replaced by the stock Neal Stephenson Badass Commando Character which would be kind of fun.
Also, John Scalzi rewriting basically anything by Peter F. Hamilton.
shawnisboring ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:53:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We'd all have enough knowledge about genetics from his info dumps by the end of the book to clone our own dinosaurs.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:39:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be 600 pages long.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:01:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The commando would be a Shaftoe, the hacker would be a Waterhouse, Jeff Goldblum would be the Greatest Swordfighter In Japan And The Internet. It would have a really awkward sex scene that nobody really wants to see and is just sort of glossing their way through. Van Eck phreaking. Also fucking Enoch would show up at some point, because fuck you.
Corund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:56:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Two thirds of the way through the book there'd be a hundred page digression on Neolithic stone tool culture that had nothing to do with whaling.
NightmanIASIP ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 01:56:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering Of Mice and Men would be intruigingโ
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:04:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a super interesting combo- makes me think there's a thesis waiting to be written on Palahniuk and Steinbeck.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would honestly read any cover by him. I could see a few "classics" being a good fit, but I'd rather watch him spice up a children's series.
Palahniuk's Redwall.
decentlysubpar ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 03:09:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agatha Christie does game of thrones
smilysmilysmooch ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 04:40:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's Matilda
I just think her style goes very well with Dahl's.
[deleted] ยท 51 points ยท Posted at 02:51:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck man I don't even know where to start, this is the most epic concept I can imagine
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Right? So many possibilities!
Khoshekh- ยท 86 points ยท Posted at 02:10:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's version of Harry Potter
Chigurrh ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 03:14:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neville doesn't make it past the first book.
ejp1082 ยท 57 points ยท Posted at 03:56:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah, Neville would survive because he's too cowardly to put himself in mortal danger.
Harry would be a goner by the end of the first book. What did you think was going to happen when a first year wizard goes off to find a heavily guarded artifact and faces off against the dark lord himself?
Draco becomes a POV character in the second book and quickly becomes a fan favorite.
Hermione is tortured and raped by Dolores Umbridge.
The entire Weasley clan dies at Bill's wedding.
Snape would be the ultimate "hero" of the whole thing.
[deleted] ยท 72 points ยท Posted at 04:13:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The redhead wedding, yes.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
neville is a fat loser, like sam. GRRM would write him meeting some bitchin' hottie with daddy issues and he'd like totally rescue her from it and she would let him touch her titties and would give him head. also the giving head scene would be lovingly drawn out to 25 pages.
KingInTheNorthDave ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:37:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or is actually the chosen one...
longhorn617 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:06:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1/5th of the series would be GRRM covering the food of the wizarding world. 20+ pages on each Hogwarts feast.
jaytrade21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:38:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be okay with this....
sirgog ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:39:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This one is getting filthy, fast.
IIRC Daenerys's miscarriage in book 1 is on her 14th birthday.
I think this would be the biggest squickfest ever.
el_muerte17 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:31:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We'd only have three books by now rather than an entire series.
The_Sassinator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:33:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somehow The Goblet of Fire would lose out on the Hugo Award to J.K. Rowling's hit novel, A Storm of Swords.
Also there would be way more proponents of the "Ron is Dumbledore" theory.
Aggo7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:33:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Voldemort is Ron and Hermione's time traveling fetus
The_Sassinator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:40:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pls. If Gurm was writing Harry Potter, Voldemort would be Ron and Ginny's time traveling fetus.
Trinate3618 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Odds that Fudge would have Dumbledore killed and replaced with Malfoy in Prisoner of Azkaban, only for the ministry to be overthrown by Voldemort in Goblet of Fire: very, very high.
lfantine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For the Order of the Phoenix!
BayushiKazemi ยท 122 points ยท Posted at 01:29:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For those interested, /u/Luna_Lovewell has written quite a few crossovers (on /r/writingprompts and /r/Luna_Lovewell ). Not quite what the topic is about, but I seek to remember a Harry Potter one as if written by George RR Martin, which is probably the closest thing we'll get given the current state of copyright laws. (Also they're fantastic reads)
RecalcitrantToupee ยท 36 points ยท Posted at 02:05:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Too bad he/she got banned from r/writingprompts .
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 02:07:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What's the story behind that ban?
theCaitiff ยท 73 points ยท Posted at 02:17:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They privately disagreed with the mods about a few things and how they were being run. It was observed that if such a popular author spoke out publicly against these things, users might revolt against the mods. So they banned Luna to prevent a subreddit civil war.
Not a great move, honestly I like to think that the users of /r/writingprompts are better than that and could discuss things about how they want their sub run fairly and not promoting one author over another, but I'm not a mod there so I cannot say for sure 100% what both sides of that argument actually were.
The-red-Dane ยท 60 points ยท Posted at 02:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, that's a really good writing prompt, they should-... oh wait.
Taedirk ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds like the sort of thing that would trigger a subreddit civil war.
BayushiKazemi ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:10:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did they?! D:
When? What happened?
DrippyWaffler ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:30:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
About a week ago. S/he wrote about it on her sub, /r/luna_lovewell
here
DiademBedfordshire ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:35:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman did a great mash up of lovecraft and Sherlock Holmes, a study in emerald.
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:17:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, now I have to look for that.
DiademBedfordshire ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 17:50:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You are in luck, he has it posted in full on his website.
http://www.neilgaiman.com/mediafiles/exclusive/shortstories/emerald.pdf
But if you can I would highly suggest his collection of short stories it is printed in.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fragile_Things
heard_enough_crap ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut's Starwars
HeywardH ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:25:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"I have a bad feeling about this." That's something a jedi would say whenever they could sense something wasn't right. Sometimes they would say it simply to fill time or because it's something a jedi would say and so there were expected to.
Wasatch97 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:15:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut explaining Anakin's transformation to Darth Vader as explained by Vonnegut would be great.
DramaticChipmnk ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:34:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's frustrating not to have any limbs, you see. It was almost lucky all his hair had been burned off, otherwise he'd have no way to comb it. It would be enough to drive anyone to the dark side. In any case, Padme was gone and she couldn't appreciate his hair anymore anyway. So the scientists began the process of replacing Anakin's limbs and organs and other bits with machines. The whole ordeal was quite painful. So it goes.
His breathing apparatus made sort of a whoosh-whoosh sound and gave his speech an ominous tone. Everything sounded ominous now, mind you. Even a simple request for a sandwich had the weight of the Empire behind it. Not that he had much appetite. Everything hurt all the time, and he itched terribly all over. It was like all his clothes had been filled with sand. He hated sand.
Takeurvitamins ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lost it with that last sentence lol
tahbry ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:47:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Where the Wild Things are
Theodotious ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 02:00:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Gray by Steven King
NumanumaTheGullible ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 02:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He did. It's called Gerald's Game.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NumanumaTheGullible ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, sure, if that's what you want to call it lol
blalkr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 10:12:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nearly spit out my coffee lmao
LibraryLass ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No, that's Geri's game.
cokelemon ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck that book
TENTAtheSane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shit that's the second King book I read (after mr Mercedes, which didn't have any horror) and it still gives me nightmares! I love that book!
Pseudonymico ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's set in the 1960s in Sidewinder, Colorado, and Mr Gray romances a young nurse named Annie Wilkes.
[deleted] ยท 42 points ยท Posted at 02:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have an answer yet, but this is a great fucking question.
Sacorian ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:43:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton presents Rainbow Six. OR Tom Clancy presents Jurrasic Park.
previouslyonimgur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:09:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jk Rowling presents Congo!
hydrospanner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alien, Aliens, and Predator 1 & 2...by Lovecraft...or let Homer do it in epic poem format.
stalled_earth ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 02:46:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a novel but I'd love to read Apollo 13 retold by Andy Weir.
cuelights ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:02:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road, written by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
100 Years of Solitude, written by Cormac McCarthy
Rilkespawn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:38:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, I'd love to see what McCarthy would do with Melquieades ghost (I know that's spelled wrong)
sf1215 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:10:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C.S. Lewis' 50 Shades of Grey
MrFluffPants1349 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:18:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha! Wow, you win the thread
Eskimo12345 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:56:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The missionary position has never been....more dangerous.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Woah - I wonder how it could turn into a Christian allegory.
LittleDrumminBoy ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 05:54:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Martian by Jules Verne
galaxikk ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 07:11:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R. Tolkien's Harry Potter
I'd like to see his take on the expanded Wizarding World and the greater depth he'd provide
Coug-Ra ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:27:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill A Mockingbird by Tennessee Williams
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dammit, though I was alone when this one sprung up, lol
I want to read this
RingGiver ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 02:18:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E. L. James's version of Twilight
Terry Brooks's version of The Lord of the Rings
David Weber's version of Horatio Hornblower
Wait a minute...(haven't read Brooks's, but Weber did a pretty good job)
video-kid ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E. L. James's version of Twilight is already out. She adapted 50 Shades of Grey out of a fanfiction she wrote called Masters of the Universe or something.
RingGiver ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the joke.
video-kid ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:13:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oops. Sorry.
deSTARderata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Came here to comment the same cover ahaha
luxeaeterna ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lmao
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
justabofh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:24:42 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's the Honor Harrington series
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If by adapted you mean she did a search and replace for the names to make it legal to sell then, yeah she adapted it. I've read the original fanfiction.
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I used to read the Shannara series. So much time spent walking... After I read a few they all fell into the same pattern: get a small group of elf/humans, tell them the mission, split the party into 3 directions, only one of them is interesting at any one time but they all get equal chapter time...
[deleted] ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:15:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...I want Peter F. Hamilton's cover of Star Wars.
Adamsoski ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:55:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be amazing. Also there would be a lot more space-sex.
MaverickMono ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 02:56:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe - Nineteen Eighty-Four
CS Lewis - The 120 Days of Sodom
spook327 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:23:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is such a bizarre pairing that I'd have to attempt to read it and either fall asleep ten pages in, or vomit fifteen pages in.
cantshantwont ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:38:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey by Jane Austen
robbiebojangles ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:39:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Phantom Tollbooth
pointybits12145 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:00:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I never realized how much I needed this until just now
emmeline_grangerford ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 04:11:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Flies, by the guy who writes Diary of a Wimpy kid.
welshwannabe ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 05:18:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Bible' by L. Ron Hubbard....oh wait
Runs_from_eggs ยท 23 points ยท Posted at 01:52:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any classic by David Foster Wallace.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 27 points ยท Posted at 02:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Don Quixote would be particularly appropriate.
donletit ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:58:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote by Wallace would be 1000000000 pages but ideal
Sisaac ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:21:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So... Don Quixote. It's already a fuckton of pages, and in my opinion it can't be better.
modestthoughts ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:17:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, the footnotes alone would double Cervantes's original.
discountErasmus ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:48:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by David Foster Wallace. They'd have to ship the footnotes in direct from the factory in China.
Explosive_Ducks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Aleph by David Foster Wallace
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dracula by DFW???
BearEater ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:20:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Morrissey's sex barrel roll book by PG Wodehouse
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:30:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuckin classic. Jesus that's good.
BearEater ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:41:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last one, I promise
Ital Calvino's "The Shack"
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 01:51:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ho. Leeee. Shit.
To quote Kenny Bania: That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
QueenCoffeeBean83 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:02:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Jungle Book - Upton Sinclair Jr
... we're not THAT kind of Jungle.
misformoxie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This. Thank you for being out of the box.
CrimsonPig ยท 40 points ยท Posted at 01:33:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling covers Fifty Shades of Grey, full of kinky magic sex.
throwa8888888 ยท 39 points ยท Posted at 02:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
AO3. Fandom: Harry Potter. Tag: BDSM. Sort: Kudos most to least.
Your kingdom, friend.
Ms_Mediocracy ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 03:01:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Swish and flick
evildustmite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:51:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wingardium leviosaaa
Redhavok ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:44:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK -> 50 Shades = Wacky sex magic that slowly gets darker, Harriett uses the safe word 'voldemort' which makes her master come
50SOG author -> HP = Boring magic sex with Severus. "He tied me up with a flick of his engorged wand" did he? how fun.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:17:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And lots of unnecessarily capitalized words.
chokingonlego ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:36:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have one word: Engorgio
Akrimboget ยท 235 points ยท Posted at 01:52:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Micheal Crichton "The Hunger Games"
Might actually be a good book then.
CallMeYourGod ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 02:51:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The fundamental premise of the books would have to change, and potentially in a way that made for a deeper and more compelling story.
The Hunger Games would probably not be a great way to maintain oppression, but I could see a scenario where desperate people sell off their children to compete in a life or death reality TV show.
tofucaketl ยท 12 points ยท Posted at 03:10:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The part the first movie needed most was that putting in lots for the hunger games means more food and stuff for that family, and the whole risk/reward of putting in extra lots for more essentials
Larkos17 ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:45:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But they did say that. I remember that quite clearly and I haven't read the books. I'm pretty sure Liam Hemsworth's character said it. He put his name in a lot so he could get extra rations. It was when he was reassuring Katniss that Prim would never be picked because her name was only in it once.
Antumbra_Ferox ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:32:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That sounds like the kind of detail Neil Gaiman would have a very nice explanation followed by a relatable analogy for.
northrupthebandgeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:16:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They did mention that in the first movie rather explicitly.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They say this in the books and the movie... They can put their name in more times for every family member every year to get more food. Gale has his name in 64 times.
Akrimboget ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:16:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would agree. The way he gets so technical about things. It would just be interesting to see him explain the way the technology worked. I'd imagine we would read through the eyes of a person who was in the organization that ran the Hunger Games and their moral dilemmas.
I am not the target demographic of "The Hunger Games" , I understand that.
Doesn't mean I ain't ganna poke fun.
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's because the fundamental premise of the books is completely ridiculous and arbitrary.
Of course it would have to be completely changed to be any good.
CallMeYourGod ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:11:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude you're so edgy and cool for thinking The Hunger Games is dumb
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:12:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And you're so sad and pathetic for thinking the hunger games is anything but poorly-written YA trash.
CallMeYourGod ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 00:10:42 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You seem to have some anger built up there, friend.
Why don't you go back to /r/MGTOW and shit talk some more women who are way out of your league.
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:11:29 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anger? Honey, I'm laughing at you.
Now you're gonna cry, and try to play Dr Phil because someone called you on your bullshit?
Lollerskates!
Maybe you should try talking to some actual people, to learn how actual people react, instead of basing your social interactions on reading children's books.
CallMeYourGod ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 02:59:21 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No need to get triggered fam
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:37 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh honey, I know you're lonely, but we're not related.
Around here, we don't allow siblings or their parents to have children with each other.
Maybe your mommy-sister can explain it to you.
CptNonsense ยท 54 points ยท Posted at 02:44:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like we have read different Crichton books
[deleted] ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:24:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't think you've read his best work if you feel that way. His pacing was always wonderful, there's a reason his novels adapted to readily to the big screen.
KuntaStillSingle ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:47:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah I'd say even if the book wasn't even that interesting it was always written in a way where it was like you were watching a movie. I'd rate 'Airframe' for example as mostly uninteresting to me, but I read through and it staved off boredom because the pacing was great.
[deleted] ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:09:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like Crichton in the same way I like Clancy.
That doesn't mean he couldn't write a good paperback version of the hunger games.
magikarpcandosplash ยท 41 points ยท Posted at 02:42:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Battle Royale is already a better book. Plus it was published first!
szlafarski ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:31:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is that the same story the Japanese film of the same name is based on? Because that film was awesome.
lightyearbuzz ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, that is one of the best book to movie adaptations I've seen.
I_will_draw_boobs ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:02:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The scene where they are on the bus with the collars strapped to them sticks to me
magikarpcandosplash ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:56:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lighthouse scene was AMAZING
Kaon_Particle ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:04:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Better movie adaption too.
scoobydoom2 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:17:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I'd like to see GRRM do hunger games, it would he finished since it's only a trilogy and the characters could have a lot of depth to them.
Akrimboget ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:29:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're quite hopeful about him finishing them.
But he would definitely add a lot too the story. Make it more about all the contestants and how they died. Although, since we know the contestants die eventually, would he have any fun writing it?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Given that, spoilers ahead, 2 characters from the first Hunger Games and a handful of characters from the second survive, sure, I think he'd have fun subverting our expectations for who lives and who dies. Just because the rules demand only 1 survivor, doesn't mean the outcome is the same.
7457431095 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just so you know, GRRM originally planned for ASOIAF to only be three books too. You don't think he could go on and on and on and on with the setting of the Hunger Games? The game itself and the following civil war? Come on! (Saying this as a HUGE GRRM fan, haha.)
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isolated area, diverse group of survivors, oppressive company/government, genetically-engineered monsters. Yeah, I can dig it.
ElSemanas ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:17:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might like Red Rising.
Cranfres ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be so awesome! I always liked the world of The Hunger Games, but hated the dumbed - down tone and the focus of the story. I only read the first book, but it felt like this cool ass world that just focused on teen drama. Crichton would go so much darker and nerdier!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What was wrong with the books? Sure, Mockingjay was a bit muddled and hard to follow at times, but the other two were quite good, I thought.
Tbh_imbad25 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:53:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Though i'm not a huge fan of Crichton's writing (i feel lile he goes off into details about little things for pages and pages too long), i feel like he might put some more interesting twists in the story itself, i would read it.
keboh ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I started reading this like "how can you not like Crichton?!" And then you went on to describe the exact reason I like him as why you dont, lol.
Tbh_imbad25 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I definitely do like his description, how well he expresses emotion or peoples expressions, but reading through all the scientific shit in Jurassic Park was a bit much for me (i have a ridiculously short attention span).
admirablefox ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can definitely respect that, And I agree with the parts you like. But I also happen to like all the scientific detail he goes into on every aspect of the part. It's definitely not everyone's cup of tea though.
FrasierandNiles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, at least they weren't redundant details like Dan brown's jet fighters
Scrtcwlvl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Particularly when the vast overwhelminglyโ majority of the science and blind application of chaos theory was complete and total bunk.
YouBleed_Red ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That reason is also why I love Neal Stephenson
EarthAllAlong ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:02:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I loved the diamond age and snow crash. But anathem and cryptonomicon...I guess I just don't like math enough to enjoy those
Akrimboget ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:24:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yea, I can absolutely see why someone wouldn't like his writing. I love it for the reason you don't. And that's kind of awesome.
I thought the idea behind the hunger games was awesome (Not that similar things hadn't been done). And there is alot I like about it.
shawnisboring ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you feel that Crichton goes into details too often, never, ever, read anything by Neil Stephenson.
EarthAllAlong ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:05:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey does everyone want to take a freshman class in computer science and biology? Check out The Diamond Age. It's worth 6 credits at most colleges.
Snow Crash gets you a linguistics degree and Anathem gets you a phd in math, philosophy, and physics.
LibraryLass ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nah... not enough reactionary terror of scientific discoveries outside of math and medicine for Crichton.
loklanc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ridiculously advanced technology that could solve most of the settings wider social problems but is instead used in an amusement park-like setting? Checks out.
I_punish_bad_girls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In some ways, the hunger games is a cover of the tale of the minotaur according to Collins
TeamMagmaGrunt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:46:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might be the best idea in this goddamn thread
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If only he wasn't dead. He chased a pay check more than the average author, I bet he could have been purseuded into it.
filipelm ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:36:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait, I thought the guy would be drowning in cash and tits now, considering that just recently we got not only Jurassic World, but Westworld too!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cancer took him too soon.
MattieShoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aww, I quite liked the first one. The others were pretty not-good though.
Akrimboget ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was only poking fun.
I would've liked Crichton's hunger games better because personally I like him better. That's all.
I_punish_bad_girls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jacqueline Carey does "the hunger games" for me
ComradeStrange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not enough places in the book for the application of weird science.
flamespear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know I actually enjoyed the books but every time she wrote something about archery It felt so cringy to me
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:06:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jame's Joyce's Odyssey
phil_ken_sebben_esq ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:48:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He already wrote Ulysses, or is that the joke? [8]
CrappyPornThrowaway ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:22:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip Pullman's Narnia Chronicles.
CrappyPornThrowaway ยท 25 points ยท Posted at 02:25:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which ends with the children leading a revolution against Aslan, destroying hell, and tearfully destroying the Wardrobe as it was never meant to be.
MacGyverMacGuffin ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves by e. e. cummings.
Thatseemsright ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well this is interesting
TheRelephantoom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There is a large chunk of the original that basically mimics e.e.'s work already. But having more random capital letters and playful spacing in some of the first 200 pages would just make the challenging book that much more so.
Cabanarama_ ยท 52 points ยท Posted at 01:56:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read The Call of the Wild rewritten by Hemingway.
(Originally by Jack London)
Edit: Spelling
imapassenger1 ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:03:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was thinking of Jack London rewriting Marley and Me for some reason.
SparkyDogPants ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:51:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus Christ.....
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:04:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooh that'd be great. I'd also read Robinson Crusoe or Treasure Island or 20,000 Leagues by Hemingway.
poorlyObfuscated ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
john_dune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean 20000 pages by Hemmingway? :p
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is Hemenway a new author?
Cabanarama_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oops! I live right by a Hemenway St. and its confused me ever since.
MrSheoth ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:18:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams writing a political thriller in the style of Clancy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Check out some of Christopher Buckley's novels. He basically writes the high-stakes, high-drama stuff as comedy.
mixbany ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree. Laumer's Retief just doesn't do it for me.
CarbonChains ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged by Ernest Hemingway. I feel like it would be shorter and more readable while probably making the characters stand out a little more and possibly be more relatable. I also feel like Hemingway wouldn't miss a beat in conveying the message.
nowhereian ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 04:37:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starship Troopers by Tom Clancy.
Meistermalkav ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 06:51:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My top 12 books being covered by other authors. I chose to do alive or death.
H.P. Lovecraft covers the Bible. I mean, seriously, why has this not been done yet? Their unspeakable chants would forever enshrine it as the "goode booke". Plus, we would finally know what form the starborn named joshua had, if one of the three magi was coincidentially dressed in yellow, and whom the whore of babylon was riding. IรH IESUH! IรH FTHAGN! Whitnes the great treasure the nazarene has left the world! listen to the signs mankind was not supposed to know! See his second volume, the lovecrafthian quran!
Sergei Lukanienko covers "Harry Potter". Harald Pottrovitsh lives with his uncle and aunt in the middle of Moscow, when a letter arrives, that forces him out of his comfortable life as a post stalinist Psychology student. He has to report to the moscow electric works, that has a youth divison, where he gets to put bullets between the ears of werewolves, explode vampires, and hunt the dark ones that violate the great treaty, that once seemed allmost invulnerable. Herminovna Grangrovitch is a research assistant, that he awekwardly woos, and his best friend is the ex militia cadett amd descendant of kolchose farmers, Ryvny Weaslov. Those that know, I fully agree. get that man back to writing Watch novels. No matter the cost!
Hunter S Thompson covers Sherlock Holmes. "Holmes, which is it today," I asked my fat sussex doctor, which had taken to pouring beer on his belly, in the manner befitting his lower class upbringing. "Morphine or Cocaine?" He raised his bloodshot eyes languidly from the old black-leather shaving case which he had opened. A heavy weight water buffalo, too stuck up to die, too weird to live. "It is adrenochrome," he said, smiling toothily at me, "a seventy-per-cent pure solution. Would you like to try some? A your physician, I advise you not to worry. " On his travels to pursue the english dream, they uncover the horror that lurks beneath, invade a narcotics convention of the east india company, and secure wages from the swine woman.
Barry Hughart covers the Discworld novels. "O great and mighty Mistress Ogg, pray impart to me the Secret of Wisdom!" he bawled. Nanny just sighed. "Take a large mug," She said. "Fill it with equal measures of fact, fantasy, history, mythology, science, superstition, logic, and lunacy. Darken the mixture with bitter tears, brighten it with howls of laughter, toss in three thousand years of civilization and just a bit of medicinal brandy, bellow wossnames โ whatever means "dry cup" in your languageโ and drink to the dregs." Twoflower stared at her. "And I will be wise?" he asked. "Better," she replied, giving him a wide smile. "You will be Morporkian". Honestly speaking, the only heir worthy of the Pratchett worlds. I can not entirely say which author is more talented.
Warren Ellis covering 50 shades of grey. "Did you ever want to set someone's head on fire, just to see what it looked like? Did you ever stand in the street and think to yourself, I could make that nun go blind just by giving her a kiss? Did you ever lay out plans for stitching babies and stray cats into a Perfect New Human? Did you ever stand naked surrounded by people who want your gleaming sperm, squirting frankincense, soma and testosterone from every pore? " She blinked, not sure what to say. "I am a bit shy in that regard...."
Doug Stanhope covering Fightclub. "Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. Damn it, put your fucking camera away, you stupid fucking tourist of life! There's a whole generation of shitheads just filming every fucking thing they do. "I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!", an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. "
Jhonen Vรกsquez covering Mickey Mouse. Mickey: "Trust me, I know what self loathing is. But to kill myself? That would put a damper on my search for answers. Not at all productive. Besides, I've become increasingly doubtful as to whether I can die at all. But let's not get into that." Donald: backs slowly away
Robert E howard covering Pride and Predjeduce. โFrom the very beginningโ from the first moment, I may almost sayโ of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.โ He looked at her, and after a while, finally spoke. "Let teachers and philosophers brood over questions of reality and illusion. I know this: if life is illusion, then I am no less an illusion, and being thus, the illusion is real to me. I live, I burn with life, I love, I slay, and am content." After a moment of silence, she coughed. "Oh dear", she said, "I think we may have to excuse ourselves from polite company for that..."
Terry Pratchett covering "The Dark Tower", Discworld style. With Samuel Vimes as Roland.
Snorri Sturluson covering the Thora. Making it interresting.
Dan Abnett doing Tom Clancy. Good God the Readers would vomit.
12.And my personal favorite: William Gibson doing The Hunger Games, or Battle Royal. Finally, we would see where Molly got her claws, and spent summer camp.
BearEater ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 01:14:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jon Barth's Wonder Boy's I'm just imagining the duo from Sot Weed Factor in '90s Pittsburg and it's glorious.
dvegas ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:40:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love the Sot-Weed Factor, I've never found another book quite like it. Maybe Mason & Dixon
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pittsburgh?
sobermonkey ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Psycho by Andy Weir
Chortling_Chemist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god, it'd be so technical but you could imagine every little detail in the picture in your mind.
bare_hugger ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:53:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covers starship troopers
Catch 22 in space.
Hunter S. Thompson's Storm of Steel
TENTAtheSane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams writing catch 22 or something happened would be amazing!
hemptations ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:55:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson "the hobbit"
Jambi_Genie ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:17:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's "Moby Dick".
Goshawk3118191 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 04:11:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmmm, let's go weird.
the Dune series brought to you by Ursula K. Le Guin
Mark Twain's The Chronicles of Prydain
Absalom, Absalom! by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
American Gods by Voltaire
This is a great fucking question btw.
DrMrProfessor ยท 16 points ยท Posted at 03:08:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat, Pray, Love by Hannibal Lecter
previouslyonimgur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:12:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do you mean Thomas Harris?
BearEater ยท 31 points ยท Posted at 01:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert A Heilein's 2016: Hillary's America
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 01:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<papuer's reddit gold>
BearEater ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 01:57:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tired now, got to get some rest. Glad you got a kick out of my "covers." Really A+++ idea BTW, one of the best I've been on AskReddit. If only reddit at large read more than the same 30 freaking books.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:02:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cheers on rest well earned.
SlitScan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
so we'd see how racist she is?
Coug-Ra ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:31:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Time To Kill by Toni Morrison
Shinez ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:47:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King or Dean Koontz, 50 Shades of Grey.
SGT_Chowdown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:12:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit, Dean Koontz' 50 Shades would be a fucking masterpiece. There would be weird inbred hick mutants, "magic special ed kids", kids who can talk to ghosts, aliens, and in the end Christian Grey would be murdered and Ana Steele would end up with some nice and not crazy man.
[deleted] ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 02:56:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
cupcakefix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hah, bret would have to tone it down to do 50 shades ๐
The_Celtic_Chemist ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:18:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers R.L. Stine: The Complete Works
Mostly the same with darker endings.
askryan ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:24:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shel Silverstein's Where The Red Fern Grows
Werberd ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:32:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beverly Cleary covers "The Art of War"
Shotgun81 ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 02:19:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Brandon Sanderson. His world building and detailed magic systems would fix 90% of what was lacking in those books.
Lunarpeach ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 02:47:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that just HPMOR
Shotgun81 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:00:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Til about hpmor...
pudinnhead ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:21:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read it. It's soooooo good.
chokingonlego ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:41:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I cannot get into /r/rational fiction. It just feels too self aware for me. I read HPMOR, and it was okay. Then I read Friendship Is Optimal, and I came out completely disturbed. The idea that a basilisk AI becomes intelligent enough to perfectly predict actions to control people's free will, and it's to turn them into My Little Pony characters trapped within a matrix, all the while consuming and killing everything in the universe that doesn't identify as human to Celest A.I.?
Just nope. I was simultaneously disturbed and enthralled by the prospects of a perfect utopia, but not at that cost, or at that level.
abccba882 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If you want a different type of disturbed, I'd recommend reading Eakin's Friendship is Optimal: All the Myriad Worlds and Friendship is Optimal: Psychopathy is Configurable, which move away from the philosophical/rationalist themes of the original story and explore what it would be like living in a fantasy world completely controlled by CelestAI. It's a really fascinating look into the psyches of various types of people and the author does a fantastic job getting inside each character's head and making you understand them, no matter how alien or vile you may think of them.
chokingonlego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for the recommendations, but it wasn't really a mentally-healthy kind of disturbed. More of a dysmorphic "I wish I was a pony in a perfect world" disturbed, which isn't all that healthy. I mean, I would rather be a dragon or pony than human, but it's not healthy to dwell on fiction like that.
iceman0486 ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:57:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yep. What I love most about Sanderson, what lets me look past his other issues as a writer, is that he sits down and thinks about what the magic he puts into his world means.
moremysterious ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:23:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love that you can really tell he plans what he's doing. Spoiler for Mistborn I like the fact that he mentions Vin's earring in the first book and it comes back later and explains a ton.
bryce1012 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might check out "Ra" by Sam Hughes. It's got several appendices going into quite a bit of detail about how and why magic works the way it does; there's a lot of thought that went into making it all consistent.
StarryVere196 ยท 33 points ยท Posted at 02:25:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Quaran" by Oscar Wilde
booomhorses ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:20:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How To Make Friends and Influence People by Oscar Wilde
gamegyro56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The what?
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:30:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The book of death. Quran.
gamegyro56 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:40:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Book of Death" is apparently some thing from Runescape??? Why do you want to see Oscar Wilde write for Runescape? That's pretty weird.
potatohead81214 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 02:50:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare- 50 shades of grey.
Bram Stokers-twilight
Stephen King- Bible. Specifically book of revelations
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That last one: Look up The Stand, mate.
potatohead81214 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have read the book and seen the mini series. I loved it. It'd be amazing to see what he could do with the whole bible.
caseyalec ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:34:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' "Kama Sutra"
Dragonsinger16 ยท 15 points ยท Posted at 03:37:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood covers the Hunger Games series.... we'd get a much better take on katniss and the other female tributes, and a better end too boot!
AsphaltQbert ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:03:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think her most recent book is a cover of Shakespeare's The Tempest -- called Hag-Seed.
Ichier ยท 35 points ยท Posted at 02:00:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest the Neil Gaiman edition.
Explosive_Ducks ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:17:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace is way too hard to "cover" in my opinion
Perry0485 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An amalgamation of Pynchon and Franzen could almost pull it off. Pynchon for the amazing, complex prose and the weirdness and Franzen for the human connections and feelings.
Ichier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:23 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemmingway could.
Speaking-of-segues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Needs more endnotes
rouseco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, Terry Pratchette?
Alexei_Incandenza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Gaiman would make the story a bit too "mystical," and it would kinda take away from the depressing reality that makes Infinite Jest so iconic for me
Perry0485 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, but Infinite Jest is actually more zany than many people think: JOI's wraith, Lyle, 'Helen' Steeply and Orin, James Inc's films. It is a depressing novel but the world in IJ is not as bleak as in, say, Brave New World or The Road. Atleast it isn't for me.
Bravoflysociety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely not
Pallis1939 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabakov
yardsandyards ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 01:20:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski covers Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:11:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's hard to defeat the dark prince when you're high all the time...
yardsandyards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And puking all morning.
forradalmar ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:24:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
and having weird orgies using all the magic
sanitation123 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:31:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"A Song of Ice and Fire" by Dr. Seuss
sirgog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I do not like this Ned Stark man
I do not want him as the Hand
I do not want to ever see Ned
I only want to see his head
c3534l ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:47:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's 1984
Plus it'd probably count doubly for a high school summer reading list.
Estellus ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 06:01:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher presents: The Potter Years
Book 1; Face Off
Book 2; Dear Diary (?)
Book 3; Kennel Rat (?)
Book 4; Game Over
Book 5; Clouded Sight
Book 6; Falling Stars
Book 7; Hallows and Horcruxes (?)
Published alongside;
J.K. Rowling presents: The Harry Dresden Series
Harry Dresden and the Three-Eyed Warlock
Harry Dresden and the Curse of Lycanthropy
Harry Dresden and the Sword of Love
Harry Dresden and the Stone Table
Harry Dresden and the Stolen Shroud Alternate Title: Harry Dresden and the Blackened Denarius
Harry Dresden and the Half-Blood Vampire
Harry Dresden and the Word of Kemmler Alternate Title: Harry Dresden and the book in which he rides a god damn zombie t-rex.
Harry Dresden and the Unexpected Pupil
Harry Dresden and the Ordo Lebes
Harry Dresden and the Brothers Gruff Alternate Title: Harry Dresden and the Sword of Faith
Harry Dresden and the Unexpected Traitor
Harry Dresden and the Battle of Chichen Itza
Harry Dresden and the Dead Man's Tale
Harry Dresden and the Wild Hunt
Harry Dresden and the Unholy Heist
Wow, coming up for names for all of those in the opposite author/series styles was hard.
Herbman33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:04:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You, random internet person, make me smile! Thank you
Estellus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment alone makes the undisclosed amount of time I spent refreshing myself on the details of various books to come up with appropriate titles totally worth it.
Herbman33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As someone who is a fan of the Potter universe and absolutely loved The Dresden Files, this crossover was unexpectedly fantastic. Can we have James Marston read the audio books?
Estellus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:49:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which ones? The Potter-by-Butcher audio books, continuing his tradition of reading Butcher's books, or the Dresden-by-Rowling books, continuing his tradition of reading the Dresden books?
I jest. It obviously needs to be both.
Also; honestly surprised I was the first person to post 'what if the Wizards Named Harry traded authors?'
Herbman33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I agree wholeheartedly on your jest. However I do feel the Marston's voice is ideal for the gumshoe writing style of Butcher.
Estellus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:47:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, absolutely. Interesting to imagine Harry Potter being written/read in that style. I feel like there'd be a lot more mystery and more red herrings in the story.
ThaneduFife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:40:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This should really be higher. I'd love to read this series.
Estellus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks! I arrived a few hours late to the show, so I'm not surprised it's not getting noticed much. By the time I posted this there were already comments with 5k+ upvotes. Whatever, I didn't do it for points. Glad you liked it!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:27:54 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DUDE YES! I scrolled WAY too far to find a Jim Butcher suggestion.
Edit: also, I love how you made JK Rowling give away the major plot points of every Dresden Files book in the title, as per usual.
Estellus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:30:07 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But, obviously. If they don't bring their own style to the table, it isn't a proper cover, is it?
The Potter by Butcher books would be a lot grittier and more mysterious, with much harsher consequences. They may also revolve around a magical college instead of a middle/high school, in order to properly mature the setting for the gritter style. Aberforth would be a regularly appearing character.
On the other hand, the Dresden by Rowling books would be a little bit more straightforward. Less of a mad dash to figure out all the dangling plot threads and red herrings, and a more direct game of wits between the main character(s) and the bad guy of the year. There'd also be a lot more tongue-in-cheek mythological jokes and references that weren't straight-up characters, and probably some form of BBEG who seems to be pulling the strings from the shadows, regardless of which magical superpower is actually the villain of the week. (It'd totally be Justin DuMourne, who never actually died.)
Also, Dresden would be written in the third person, and feature a lot of flashes around Chicago to show us what the villains are up to, where as Potter would be entirely first person, and we'd only ever see or know what Harry knows. (Imagine reading Goblet of Fire without all the little flashes to Voldemort and Wormtail, including the prologue? You'd wind up thinking the whole book was about the actual tournament until the very end!)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:20 on May 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dobby the elf's deceased twin sister left a ghost and that ghost gave Voldemort the idea to rebel against the magical world. Or something equally far fetched and unexpected.
Estellus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:08:53 on June 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget the book 6 plot twist when we find out that girl Harry hooked up with in the first book, before he met Ginny, had a kid, who has now been kidnapped by Death Eaters, and Harry is going to need to team up with the coven of vampires that he met in book 3 to defeat them before his child becomes a Horcrux.
rlrhino7 ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 03:22:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkiens version of the Narnia series would be amazing.
sentient_silence ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 03:24:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be extra special because they were friends!
rlrhino7 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:24:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL!
Antics25 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:03:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM covers The Dark Tower series.
I'd also really like to see Chuck Palahniuk do ASOIAF - I think the Reek scenes would be top notch.
HiroProtagonist14 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:07:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami's The Sun Also Rises.
Or, even though Harry Potter has been beat to death in this thread (as well a suicide by Elder God), Harry Potter by Patrick Rothfuss. The descriptions of learning magic would be so much better than in the original HP.
jeramiatheaberator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry's wealth diminishes by the third book and he struggles with debt.
Dubbleedge ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:15:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway's "The Wheel of Time." Wonder how short he could actually make it...
Se7enEvilXs ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:18:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil gaiman's "The dark tower"
Down4whiteTrash ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling The Dark Tower Series.
justposersposing ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:30:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read Cormac McCarthy's Lord of the Flies
j-alfred ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:33:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covers Finnegans Wake
bukithd ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:46:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covers Atlas Shrugged
eamonious ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:04:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covers Mary Poppins
Omnix_Eltier ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 04:16:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm, by Eric Carle
[deleted] ยท 11 points ยท Posted at 02:45:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Hunter S. Thomson.
PassionPitTime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or you know, him just writing something akin to Fear and Loathing that critiques our modern day society. RIP. He would have had a helluva lot to say if he were still around, especially considering how drug culture has changed.
[deleted] ยท 13 points ยท Posted at 02:59:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Outsiders by Charles Bukowski.
happyharrr ยท 18 points ยท Posted at 04:21:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see God cover the Bible, Quran and Torah, then explain himself.
strangebru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Forword by God himself
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Epilogue by Raab Himself
GrayDawnDown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For insulting my lisp, thou are-th all-th damned-th to Hell-th.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce presents: Homestuck
theironphilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be amazing
Lowbacca1977 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know the one that's horrible. Edgar Allen Poe's version of One Thousand and One Nights
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Thousand-and-Second_Tale_of_Scheherazade
knvf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:11:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You might find this short story interesting: Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote by Borges.
The short story describes the fictional Pierre Menard who in this world rewrote Don Quixote as a 20th century Frenchman. The short story even includes blurbs of a literary analysis of the work as you would acually analyse Don Quixote if it was actually written in 20th century France. Borges pulls a passage from Cervantes and says like "look at this exquisite passage of 17th century Spanish prose" and then cites the identical from Pierre Menard and says "here we see the awkward obsolete phrasing of a non-native Spanish writer". Then he pulls a different passage from Cervantes and describes it as uninteresting, but then the identical passage from Menard "this is clearly a reference to Marxism and Hegelian philosophy" or something like that.
circuitryofthewolf ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:14:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a bunch of Roald Dahl ones
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:18:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski's A Critique of Pure Reason
Skytern ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:19:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin - Harry Potter
DrippyWaffler ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:29:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare stuff:
GRRM - The Merchant of Venice, Hamlet, Julius Caesar, Othello
A Midsummer Night's Dream and The Tempest by Terry Pratchett.
Macbeth by Andrzej Sapkowski
MrBluBacon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:29:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or any of those by Chuck Palahniuk
AsphaltQbert ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:06:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood recently published Hag-Seed, a cover of The Tempest. I poop you not.
DrippyWaffler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:09:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oooo, it came out the day after my birthday.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, Neil Gaiman's version of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
OddaJosh ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:37:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers "The Great Gatsby"
TheOneTrueGod69 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:38:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Huck Finn by Hunter S. Thompson, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Mark Twain.
TskFactorFive ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:40:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Odyssey
Icemantis13 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:45:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by David Sedaris
Marmelrom ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:13:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood's American Gods
YDanSan ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I Did It by Agatha Christie
Or
Stephen King's Redwall series
Edit: I'm also assuming we have time-traveling authors.
ThatLineOfTriplets ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:43:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: wishing you knew more authors so you'd get the jokes
Fragahah ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:57:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Flowers for Algernon" by Chuck Paulinauk
Sqilly ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:19:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody poops by Dovstoieski.
tastefulchrist ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 05:32:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Protahgonist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a similar vein their is a study of the Bible written by Isaac Asimov
Edit: Asimov's Guide to the Bible (had to wait til I got home to check the shelf. It was printed in 1971 so it'sโ probably not in print anymore.)
Snabe121 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:53:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marx's "The Art of The Deal"
Jahidinginvt ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 06:17:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood's Pride and Prejudice
Maya Angelou's To Kill A Mockingbird
Ernest Hemingway's Siddhartha
largelyuncertain ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 07:01:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Think the Black Dahlia meets Twin Peaks: it's The Wizard of Oz, reimagined by James Ellroy as a sprawling noir epic. Just months after making it to Hollywood, ambitious up-and-coming starlet Dorothy Gale is found brutally murdered in 1956 L.A., her brain, heart, and guts neatly removed before her shoeless corpse was dumped in a poppy field on a vacant lot. The tale jumps back and forth between her impoverished youth in the Kansas dustbowl, her hellish journey west with farmhands and drifters, and the twisting LAPD investigation.
Most of her friends also seem to be men who possibly preyed on her as well, including:
-Stephan "Stuffy" Jakes, a illiterate, quasi-agoraphobic jazz prodigy who had a nervous breakdown after witnessing a terrible crime;
-Charlie Hart, a scorned, sociopathic studio head who charms all of Hollywood but whose cruelty knows no bounds;
-and Lionel Gaines, a tubby, aging comic who wants to be taken seriously as a dramatic actor but can't break free from the famed trio he formed with his domineering brothers.
Dorothy's journey encompasses gritty opium dens and swank nightclub lounges, ramshackle desert roadhouses and the swinging casinos of Vegas, Palm Springs nudist enclaves and the glamorous mansions of Beverly Hills, and is scattered with warped cameos by old celebrities.
Her fate, we learn, is intertwined with the lives of two older women: a viperous gossip columnist who initially acted as her mentor and has spies all over town, and a former movie queen who's transitioned into a powerful business mogul who can afford to operate outside of the Hollywood system. Matters are further complicated when one of the partner detectives on the case begins a secret affair with her confidante, a handsome young Latin rent boy known in the underground gay circuit as "Toto."
Green ain't always good in the glittering City of Angels.
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn - that would be an awesome mini series!
largelyuncertain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:31:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I may need to start drafting an outline. Since I posted that the idea won't leave me.
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:12:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You totally should! I'd be interested. I'm sure others would be too.
Quite a while ago I saw some retellings of Shakespheare. MacBeth was set in modern times, with him as a chef who kills his father to take over their family restaurant/empire. It was pretty awesome. They did the Taming of the Shrew taking place at a news/morning show television station. Since that's never been a favorite work of mine, they made it pretty entertaining.
largelyuncertain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:22:20 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, where were these? The Macbeth one sounds like Scotland, PA, a modern retelling set at a fast food restaurant or something. I've not seen it. Shrew at a TV station sounds awesome.
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:20:36 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found them!
I'd misremembered - Much Ado About Nothing is set at the TV Station. Taming of the Shrew is about an MP marrying a dude with a title in order to advance her career, trying to become the party leader. But I still enjoyed the Taming of the Shrew. I remember liking what they did with her new husband.
I need to find these at the library again. Or see if they are on Netflix.
largelyuncertain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:07:10 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks, gonna look these up
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:15 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Found them randomly at the library. I'll see if I can find them again.
OurDudeOfSorrows ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:48:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeare's Star Wars.
The best part is that this actually exists! Written by Ian Doescher, I feel it's a fairly accurate account of a Shakespearian style play... On Star Wars!
Cyclops61 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 09:59:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT by Dr Seuss
Dr_Strang3l0v3 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 13:21:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Kurt Vonnegut
"And so we beat on, boats against the current-- not entirely dissimilar to a newly pubescent boy discovering the wonders of sexual pleasure-- borne back ceaselessly into the past and so on."
"Gatsby's surefire way to get the girl:
Step 1: Actually have a girl to get in the first place. Being a military man might help here. Money would help more.
Step 2: Fail to court said girl the first time around.
Step 3: Allow her to marry someone else, preferably a rather wealthy fellow who played a sport of some kind. Allowing her to have his child helps.
Step 4: After becoming noticably wealthy through illegal alcohol trade due to the prohibited nature of society, buy a mansion across the way from her own and set up a light at the end of your dock. Green is a good color-- the color of money. That should definitely work; she's bound to see that green light eventually and think 'Do you know who might have a lot of money now? Gatsby, I'll bet that's who it is.'
Step 5: Throw lavish parties that sometimes border on orgies at your mansion in the hopes that she'll one day attend them and you'll run off together amidst the bacchanalia.
Step 6: Make sure she never shows up at your parties.
Step 7: When her cousin inevitably moves into the small house next door to yours, use him as your in with the girl. Be sure to treat the fellow right, though; everybody needs a friend when their life consists only of bootlegging and alcohol fueled orgies.
Step 8: After you've gotten back with your girl, make sure you can get her to leave her husband and run off with you to start anew.
Step 9: Fail at step 8.
Step 10: After much deliberation, decide it would be best if her husband discovers about your affair. Have a nice little fight about it.
Step 11: After the fight drive off with your mistress. Better yet, let her drive. It'll make it more interesting when she strikes and kills her husband's mistress out of sheer coincidence.
Step 12: Wait at your house to take the fall for the death of the aforementioned mistress of the husband, or possibly run off forever with your girl. Take a relaxing dip in your pool while you wait.
Step 13: You know what would make this interesting? Get shot by the husband of the previously aforementioned mistress because he holds you accountable for his wife's death. Die in the pool. What a way to go, wouldn't you say?"
ThaneduFife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:42:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was half-expecting Ice-9 to get dropped into the pool.
Dr_Strang3l0v3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:45 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd thought about dropping a neutron bomb on all of Long Island, or maybe making Gatsby Hitler's best friend from when they were fighting in the War, but I decided it would be best if I kept the story as faithful to the original as possible.
[deleted] ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 13:30:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespear presents: a cover of My Immortal, the Harry Potter fanfic
messum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read by the some ordinary gamers team
Vault_69_Alpha_Male ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 02:13:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covering the Inheritance series.
Kaneharo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would it get done?
previouslyonimgur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:10:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
15 books long, but the movie might've been watchable.
chokingonlego ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hell yeah! That'd be horrible. I imagine there would be a lot more sex and murder. Queen Islazandi dies, tragically before Arya returns home. Brom dies tragically, leaving Eragon alone without a father, and he's forced to find the Varden on his own. At that point, he discovers Arya. Corrupted by the god-complex of immortality and dragon rider-ship, he proceeds to rape Arya in her coma.
He becomes consumed with guilt, and attempts to fall on his sword. Then as a cruel joke, Galbatorix decides to awaken them both from their deaths, forever bound by the blood that fell them both.
Now they're forced to work together from the very start to defeat Galbatorix. Roran falls in battle, to be returned to Katrina on his shield, and all that he can leave for his wife and unborn child is his hammer. Then Katrina is forced to find haven in Ellesmera, and once again be abused by her father.
[deleted] ยท 43 points ยท Posted at 02:59:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
twomeows ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:59:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lmao wow
Not_Just_Any_Lurker ยท 9 points ยท Posted at 03:21:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Bram Stoker
Eskimo12345 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:55:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They're going to need a new protagonist, because the old one dies a few chapters in, after pain-staking detail is placed into developing the lore surrounding why Edward is feeding off of her. Lots more people die due to werewolfs.
BitchinIndika ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 01:37:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Larry Niven co-wrote a version of Dante's Inferno. Sort of a cover version - same story from a more modern perspective.
crusadingAquila ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:42:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P Lovecraft's Dream-Quest To Unknown Wonderland.
Sagebrush_Slim ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:04:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The third novel in Patrick rothfuss Kingkiller series.
Malcolm_Y ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:11:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King doing Shakespeare. Titus Andronicus and "The Scottish Play" would be motherfuckers.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:13:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C. S. Lewis does the LOTR Books.
Tolkien does Narnia.
Profoundpanda420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R. R. Martin Eragon
evildustmite ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda would like to see Tolkien do the whole inheritance cycle
chokingonlego ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's the second time I've seen this. And I'm just as excited.
ZargomieanK ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by Karl Marx. I don't really think anything changes
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:23:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett cover of Neil Gaiman's American Gods.
sacrosanctt ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:35:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's "Brave New World"
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:37:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering The Grapes of Wrath
Subcrazy ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:37:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss Fight Club
red_sky33 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Dune and Herbert's LOTR. That would make for VASTLY different INCREDIBLE stories
telkinsjr ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:11:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves by Chuck Palahniuk.
fastjeff ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:11:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read the hell out of a Max Brooks account of The Stand.
TheLonliestBiscuit ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Faulkner, Fight Club
EarthlyAwakening ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:17:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Martian by H.G. Wells
2hands10fingers ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:28:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flannery O'Connor's The Fountainhead
PrincessIceheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes please!
Spikekuji ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:28:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal by Frederick Douglas.
PM_ME_UR_COFFEE_PIC ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:34:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many people wanted a Lovecraft/Stephen King's The Bible. I want to see this in r/writingprompts
Chicken_noodle_sui ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:40:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen's Dead Souls. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in nineteenth-century Russia, must be in want of a serf."
WeeSingInSillyville ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:10:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Fellowship of The Ring' by Douglas Adams
iamasecretthrowaway ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:25:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goodnight Moon by Dante Alighieri.
Try sleeping ever again, little children.
Happypuke ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:49:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimen covers Golden compass.
On another note, this actualy happens from time to time. Best Example I can think of, a Russian author who wrote the opposing viewpoint to Lord of The Rings. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer
FaroutIGE ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
karl marx doing atlas shrugged
InsecureTurdPilot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diary Of A Wimpy Kid by Stephen King
ChestWolf ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:07:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adam's Dune
The Iliad and the Odyssey by Terry Pratchett
Frank Miller's Dresden Files
The Divine Comedy by Neil Gaiman
Dykatron ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:19:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Harry Potter I neeeed
One wand to rule them all
Nim_Rock ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 06:19:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covers Twilight
Haramabes_Soul ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 08:49:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey, Adolf Hitler
jackthefiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:43:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
laughed out loud
Rastasputin ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 09:21:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Terry Pratchett
JustHereToConfirmIt ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Harry Potter & J R R Tolkien's 1984
jospence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just realized while reading this how awsome that would be
JustHereToConfirmIt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Which one?
jospence ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:09:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Both of course
htesdrallab ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hunger games by J.r. Tolkien
LiamFC90 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 11:59:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late so no one will see but,
Star wars by J.R.R. Tolkien
We could learn so much about the Galaxy
Lexford ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:09:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by C.S. Lewis
And
The Chronicles of Narnia by J.R.R. Tolkein
targayenprincess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The amount of salt and pettiness would be glorious
sbutler87 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 12:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Discworld
13thgeneral ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:34:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh shit, I'd read the hell out of that.
Calebrook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oath! That would be awesome
Bearslikehoney ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:05:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Dickens' "American Psycho" for a bunch of different reasons
rasmusdf ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:07:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRR Martins Sense & Sensibility - a whole fucking lot more entertaining - with way better weddings probably.
NeverEnufWTF ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:15:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams, A Tale of Two Cities
Reddit nomination: /u/poem_for_your_sprog, Dostoevsky's The Idiot (or Nick Sparks' The Notebook, which would probably be waaaaay funnier)
overcomebyfumes ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 13:55:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Ayn Rand
The Lord of the Rings by William S. Burroughs
Moby Dick by Chuck Palahnuick
Dracula by Neil Gaiman
Zeeshangee86 ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 14:27:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe you could make a thread about some author not named Nietzsche? I was gonna make a thread about Scandinavian literature, but I don't have time to participate myself, so I won't bother. Keep your shitty meme-threads over at leddit
dinotoggle ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 18:22:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Reddit only knows five authors.
Stephen King
H.P. Lovecraft
Dr. Seuss
George R.R. Martin
Douglas Adams
purelumen ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 03:03:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Johnny Cash - Hurt
Wait what?
blalkr ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 10:24:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steve Buscemi broken arms jolly rancher cumbox
Redhavok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:48:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's credited to Trent Reznor, Johnny Cash is a ghost writer
Not sure this quite works, but there is a joke in there somewhere, and it's in very poor taste.
blalkr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:23:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes it is.
twyste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol
[deleted] ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:44:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: A good question, but everyone just circlejerks variations of Game of Thrones, Tolkien, Dr. Seuss, and Harry Potter.
theRailisGone ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 04:14:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ask a question of the populous, get popular answers.
PrincessIceheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't forget 50 shades of grey
GameRoom ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 02:18:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Gray in the stylings of Dr. Seuss would be a hell of a something.
Alternatively, 50 Shades of Gray as written by Donald Trump
Gcw0068 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:48:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes
TryinaD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:49:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, his penis was yuge, but having that for the red room was one of the worst trade deals EVER.
icorrectotherpeople ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:37:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alec Baldwin's Art Of The Deal
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean Jack Donaghey's Art of the Deal???
baathrowaway ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 03:17:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't really comment on good novel "cover" ideas but as a musician I could maybe shed some light on why this concept isn't really a thing in literature.
In the music industry a song is legally divided into two entities: the song as a piece of writing (that's the Publishing side) and the actual recording of the song's performance (called the Master). For a cover, the original songwriter gets credited and paid the Publishing royalties while the covering artist (usually the label actually, but you get my point) gets credit/ownership/money for the Master.
I don't know the legal world of books at all but it seems like it would be much more difficult to divide the credit, rights, and payment of a "cover" story because the lines are blurred, legally. Unless it's a situation where the original writer is dead past the limits of public domain, or is friendly with the covering writer and welcoming to the idea, it could get messy once you start dividing up the profits.
Again, I know nothing about book publishing, this is just conjecture from how the music industry works.
NeuHundred ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:51:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A big issue on the book side is that copyright extension has kept a TON of work from entering the public domain. So while old stuff like fairy tales and Shakespeare can be done by anyone, anything recent is off the table. But while we can't get direct covers, we can get mash-ups, twists, and all sorts of interesting derivative works (Flash Gordon leading to Star Wars, James Bond leading to Kingsman, etc).
baathrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah! That makes sense. It's frustrating how legal/financial limitations can can stifle creativity but it happens all the time.
SwampDrainer ยท 19 points ยท Posted at 01:02:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This happens all the time with the classics. There are tons of Odyssey covers and Frankenstein covers and Hamlet covers.
Seymore_Bushe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congrats, you're one of the four people on all of ~readit~ who gets it.
Cereborn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:24:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But when you have covers of songs, it's not people covering Chopin. They cover songs from the recent past, maybe as recently as a few years ago.
That's obviously what the thread is about.
I_will_draw_boobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually enjoyed Simon Armitages retelling of the Odyssey.
Seymore_Bushe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe I should stop proselytizing, but Joyce is good too!
Burnarnar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Plus: Pride and Prejudice (Zombies remix)
BearEater ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:36:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mervyn Peake's A Song of Ice and Fire
IWalkBehindTheRows ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:10:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Malazan Book of the Fallen by Gene Wolf
melesana ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:22:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suzette Haden Elgin's cover of China Mieville's Embassytown, or Jean Auel's Earth's Children series. Great question!
dubatomic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:21:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thank you, I always think China doesn't execute his stories as well as he thinks. It irks me.
gruso ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:53:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's Ready Player One.
origamibyameer ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:22:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's "The Communist Manifesto"
thefirebear ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:23:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the current literary trend of "turn everything into a graphic novel," I want to see Harvey Pekar and R Crumb do Watchmen.
BearEater ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:27:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Alchemist by Roberto Bolano
joethomma ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:31:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's The Great Gatsby
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:34:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
<any good writer> covering <any exciting novel>
Has the prose and depth as well as the fun. :p
Mishima's Dune
Lovecraft's Rendezvous with Rama
Shakespeare's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy :D
ottomatic20 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Night by Dr. Suess
thetotalhermit ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything originally written by Stephen King 'covered' by Neil Gaiman. Particularly The Shining, Salem's Lot, and It.
mandy_pinetown ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:40:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Stephen King covering The Road by Cormac McCarthy
jackthefiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yes yes yes
ImALittleCrackpot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stranger In Strange Land by Eugene O'Neill
Dune by Joyce Carol Oates
Margaret Atwood and Ursula K. LeGuin team up to cover Mary Shelley's Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus
motelcheeseburger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:43:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dictionary of the Khazarsโ written by Mark Z. Danielewski
centersolace ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little Women, by Ayan Rand.
mattpost18 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:45:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeare's The Godfather
RuffSamurai ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:50:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft does Lord of the Rings.
elongatedpoop ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:52:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's The Great Gatsby
RyanScurvy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:00:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
13 Reasons Why, by John Grisham
stellarbeing ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:03:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trainspotting, as done by Hunter S. Thompson
bobak41 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:04:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess does Animal Farm.
Sorta like a kids book for political thought... but in a fun way...
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:08:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Dr. Suess
5am5ep1ol ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:08:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's Atlas Shrugged
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol
TheWhiteWallOfWonder ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - The Bible
Heavydutyhoneybadger ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert: The SAS Survival Handbook. The Ultimate Guide to Surviving Arrakis. (Fremen Edition)
Rugger_8 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:17:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss- American Psycho
shinyhairedzomby ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:29:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett did that with Discworld, more or less.
Lords and Ladies is a riff on A Midsummer Night's Dream, Maskerade is Phantom of the Opera, etc.
Edit: I can't believe I forgot Eric! The cover for Eric literally says "
FaustEric"DatBoiDenny ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:32:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King renditions of the Goosebumps series
Pisceswriter123 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:36:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss and The Call of Cthulhu or possibly some other portion of the Cthulhu Mythos.
Maybe a rendition of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by Dan Brown.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining by Kurt Vonnegut
ThomPerrin ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill Bryson's guide to Middle Earth
Kabufu ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:42:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So why isn't this over at /r/WritingPrompts?
Shockz0rz ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:05:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Harry Potter.
Neil Gaiman's Dark Tower.
Neil Gaiman's...well, literally anything.
Stephen King's Call of Cthulhu.
Brandon Sanderson's A Certain Magical Index.
MyFellowMerkins ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:06:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one will read this at this point, but I would love to see a Chuck Tingle cover of A Tale of Two Cities.
Honestly, a Chuck Tingle cover of Jay about anything would be worth a read. He's a national treasure.
Cdnteacher92 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:07:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Divine Comedy by HP Love craft according to my fiance
jackthefiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:49:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
horror...horror...
batmanlives3 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:10:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King & Dean Koontz co-authoring Goodnight Moon
ChrisGaines_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:17:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Catch 22" by Mark Twain
keeperofcats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:30:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice!
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:18:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by Hemingway
scburton ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:20:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Rene Descartes
or
Treasure Island by Alex Garland
bdubbs09 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Alice in Wonderland" - either Isaac Asimov or GRRM.
spaceLobsterInc ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:25:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Douglas Adams
jeffwhitevangundy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There should be a live musical of the Bible played by famous comedians.
Like Imagine Ricky Gervais being God and there's a whole monologue of him being tired of all the little and insignificant stuff on Earth and literally floods the entire world
And Danny Devito is Jesus trying to preach the good news but everyone doesn't believe him cause they think he's a homeless nut
Lostmygooch ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:28:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:38:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be so perfect.
2771 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy by Kurt Vonnegut
atgasp ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:40:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote
by Vladimir Nabokov
atticusfinch21 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:47:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Amazing question, so creative
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:48:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brent Weeks version of LOTR. The magic would actually be effective.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it would be way dark. The female characters would be more kickass though. We might actually see Galadriel kill a few people, with her magic and through physical means. The hobbits would be tortured.
I'd totally read it!
Rhyhart ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:49:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How to win friends and influence people" written by Adolf Hitler
PsychDocD ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:50:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's "Dune"
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby, written by Zelda Fitzgerald... oh wait.
gas_station_latte ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings rewritten by Douglas Adams.
IpsissimusBoz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of my upvotes
greenrimtim ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:56:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible. By Richard Dawkins.
phantompath ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:58:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Edgar Allan Poe
Jmoore5549 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:06:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss with the Communist Manifesto
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would have to turn into a graphic novel.
Daracaex ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:31:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lot of silly replies here, but (though it might be disrespectful) I would like to see Brandon Sanderson's take on previous books of the Wheel of Time. Robert Jordan wrote a fantastic series, but some of the later books suffered from very slow pacing and are generally cited as being why people stopped reading. Likewise, Sanderson coming in to finish the last three books after Jordan's death was much appreciated by readers and purportedly revitalized the series for many.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'd reread the series if Sanderson re-edited the rest of the series. Improve some characters, cut out some bitching/whining, make the plot move along faster. The pacing made it so hard to finish the series. I only need to read the last book (three books) but I feel like I've forgotten so much...
Madmantwentyone ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:32:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering The Divine Comedy.
boar-b-que ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're aware of 'Good Omens', yes?
That's not to say a shot-for-shot of the Divine Comedy by Gaiman wouldn't be incredible.
Plus1longsword ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 06:54:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Short Stories from the Old Testament
Matetoe69666 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:00:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dirk gently's holistic detective agency - H.P. Lovecraft
Everything's connected, in a creepy ass cosmic way
poopsicle88 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:07:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by George r. R. Martin
I want a truly evil and cruel Voldemort and co.
Just a more adult version I guess
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is why I really liked The Magicians on Netflix. Harry Potter + Narnia, made for adults, and set in college. Now I need to read the books.
poopsicle88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:23:58 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Say what? Guess I know what I'm watching tonight
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:41 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me know how you like it!
shazarakk ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:11:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM - Harry potter.
milehightechie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:13:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War by Douglas Adams
santeeass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brilliant
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:14:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: A Wrinkle in Time
sevviey ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:58:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen's Fifty Shades of Grey
underbuster ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:45:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Blood by George RR Martin
Just Christian Grey murdering all of the women he involves in his real BDSM.
PewPewLaserss ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:47:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George R. R. Martin
_catchThemAll ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:52:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Franz Kafka
subtlebutbland ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:54:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm thinking Harry Potter and the reckless decadence by F Scott Fitzgerald
"Oh Harry, you old sport, you poor semi-delusionally hopeful dreamer with 'some heightened sensitivity to the prophecy of the chosen one', focusing your whole self and soul on that elusive green light of Voldemort. A horcrux that shatters just when you are this close to it"
"And so we beat on boats against the current borne ceaselessly into movie sequels"
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:59:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bible by Stephen King
rattleandhum ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:46:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore has been doing this for years...
AnalFissureSmoothie ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:03:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice in Wonderland by Stephen King.
Vieiev ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:10:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kafka Perks of being a wallflower.
SuperGeneral ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:27:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The very hungry caterpillar - Steven King.
Mr_Wysiwyg ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 10:31:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's 'The bible'
S2LL7 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:25:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War ~ Dr. Seuss
ThunderManatee ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Gods written by Haruki Murakami
zoidblergh ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:56:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The hunger games" by Stephen King
Ryontheruler ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:13:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bhagavad Gita by Kurt Vonnegut
TheIrateGlaswegian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 12:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"2001" by H.P. Lovecraft.
WhiteScumbag ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:05:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R. Martin or Tolkien
SamiFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin - Everyone dies, even Voldemort. No one wins, except Dragons.
ARagingDinosaur ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling and Mein Kampf
MikeYabs45 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:12:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien covering The Iliad and The Odyssey
soupinme ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:19:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Hitchhikers Guide To The Westeros
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:20:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King.
A gruesome tale of an abused boy finding a magical world threatened by magical elitists. A story of innocence progressively lost? A group of friends with one female? A gay head master? Has king written all over it.
Edit: autocorrect
doppelbot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 13:50:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, I don't if this counts, but the whole Star Wars saga, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And there'd be like, a family tree at the beginning. And you know a book with family trees. Oh...
Roll3d6 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 15:50:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "IT" as written by Beverly Cleary.
Kicooi ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:13:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Princess Bride
By Edgar Alan Poe
Once upon an afternoon sunny, there sat a pondering bunny
Watching o'er a little couple meant for the trueness of love.
As farm boy sat, watching, waiting, there, she came gaiting
As of some radiant beauty baiting, baiting his love for her
"Chop this wood" said she, "this pile of cut wood, and some coin I can dish"
Quoth the boy, "As you wish"
Erikdurr ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:31:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The great gatsby by chuck palahniuk
_ImperialScout_ ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:09:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Koran -- Terry Pratchett
-domi- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 14:25:55 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by a talented author.
--bandit-- ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 17:10:50 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
s
syph_ilis ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 20:48:51 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
w
The__Inspector ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:13:05 on June 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a
e_twahl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:33 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
g
Syfildin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:59:35 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
g
e_twahl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:27:16 on August 31, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
e
dode222 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:37:55 on June 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enders Game by Douglas Adams.
joemcnoe ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 22:42:36 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering captain under pants. That would be crazy
autisticguitar17 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:13:49 on October 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible covered by Stephen King
hewhomustnotbename ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:21:46 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or by GRRM
ghostbt ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 03:45:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great question. Terrible answers.
twyste ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
True. Would love to see this question covered by r/books instead.
onewordnospaces ยท 14 points ยท Posted at 03:56:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thanks for your contribution to the thread.
mowesen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:44:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well. There are some good ones, but I feel like we've waded through every possible variation of (Tolkien/Martin/Douglas/Rowling/Pratchett) x (Fantasy novel or bible) at this point. What would you like to see?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:05:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can't speak for ghostbt but I'd like to see authors with super distinctive styles cover stories that suit them. Like I'd love to see Nabokov cover Frankenstein, for example. Or Conrad cover As I Lay Dying.
The best ones I can come up with are covers of paradise lost tho. I'd love to see any number of authors cover that one.
mowesen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:38:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Completely agree - distinctive styles would be most interesting. I haven't dared pick up paradise lost yet, maybe a contemporary cover would be less daunting as a warm up..
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:06:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There actually is one! Its called Paradise Lost: The Novel, and its by Joseph Lanzara. I haven't read it, so I can't speak to quality, but it allegedly follows the beats of the original story, so, who knows, might be what you're looking for if you want a middle ground in between sparknotes and the actual poem.
If I were to speculate, I suspect that it compromises on style and quality at least a little, but speaking as someone who really likes it, the original poem is legitimately a struggle to understand. Telling someone they should only read the original is something guy in your mfa would say.
mowesen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, that's great, thank you! Beautiful cover too. I found a used one on abe, will have a read.
ExpressRabbit ยท 8 points ยท Posted at 02:59:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering "The Wheel of Time" by Robert Jordan.
...Oh wait
Deadmeat553 ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers Harry Potter.
Prodigy195 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire...5 books in 20 years.
So yeah have fun waiting for the 7 Harry Potter novels over 28 years.
BiologyIsHot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Chamber of Secrets: coming soon in 2240.
LeftyDan ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:02:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife said Stephen King doing nursery rhymes.
wheresmypurplekitten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has she read Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby?
Efredias ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:27:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snoop Dogg's The Dictionary
Ping_and_Beers ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's Hyperion.
carlosforkane ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:47:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would definitely read that.
SuchACommonBird ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:56:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's "Jurassic Park"
CarbonChains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would actually probably be amazing
espaceman ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:58:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace's version of the Herman Melville novelette Bartleby the Scribener
Rastignac ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:08:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
700 pages long (not including footnotes).
espaceman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:11:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, it really just is a more morose Ulysses.
ProtoReddit ยท 7 points ยท Posted at 02:59:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune, by George R. R. Martin.
That way we'd never get some of the shitty sequels.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOZ! OMG that's such a brilliant solution to shit sequels.
DeltaDragonxx ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eragon by Tolkien
Respectively, The Lord of the Rings by Christopher Paolini
GaarDnous ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:58:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Harry Potter
China Mieville's Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit
William Gibson covers anything Phillip K Dick.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been trying to think about what I'd want to Gibson to cover, I can't believe I didn't think of PKD. Brilliant.
BlankStudios ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:00:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jame's Joyce's The Hobbit
First paragraph:
In a bibbling bobhole twere livings one Hobbit. A dirtyfilthmess gurglingson worm'wet oozings swas not, narry a narid dry sandyole spavings no victuals nore chairs; a Hobbitole one mi'say, 'nd 'at meanigns comfort.
Shabadabadou ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein kampf by Ghandi
TheOstrichLord ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 02:45:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by George RR Martin.
DunnderDome ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:03:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut doing Catcher in the Rye or Great Gatsby would be amazing
twyste ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:34:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
These were both contenders of mine! Finally settled on Steppenwolf by Vonnegut.
DunnderDome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:03:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
An excellent choice!
lagspike ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:04:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
donald trump, covering orwell's 1984.
"you see, FAKE NEWS CNN uses doublethink, to make crooked hillary clinton seem doubleplusgood! not gonna happen when i'm president!"
tingly_legalos ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 04:55:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Communist Manifesto by Bernie Sanders
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:30:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'1984' by Donald J Trump "It was the Best 1984 Ever"
Sarcastic__ ยท 24 points ยท Posted at 01:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's version of Star Wars
Wyndove419 ยท 21 points ยท Posted at 03:04:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I personally can't see that going too well
malonkey1 ยท 10 points ยท Posted at 03:14:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could see it as alright. It'd certainly put more of a sense of wonder into the Force.
And we'd actually see more force mastery than just an X-Wing getting pulled out of a swamp. Seriously, Yoda's supposed to be an old master, as are Vader and Palpatine, and the most impressive stuff we see from them are tricks that could be replicated with a crane and a tesla coil? I love Star Wars, but man did they oversell the Force in the original trilogy.
Bloodloon73 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:49:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What? The magic in Harry Potter was absolutely weak in comparison to almost everything else I see magic in.
malonkey1 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 12:10:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But there was a hell of a lot more variety to it.
Wyndove419 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have liked to see rock golem constructed with the force or something along those lines
McNumNums ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did they even have the ability in special effects back then to portray that properly?
BiologyIsHot ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 03:16:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would actually love to read a YA space fantasy series ala Harry Potter by JK.
Redhavok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:45:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't Star Wars a movie?
UncleBlob ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:52:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Wong covering Call of Cthulhu
PM_ME_YOUR_BOOK_PLOT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM retelling "The Deeds of King Arthur and His Noble Knights".
Only because it would be just like getting more Dunk and Egg.
HMS_boatymcboatface ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's Lord of the Rings.
Just because it would be genuinely interesting to see the fantastic LOTR story told through GRRM's gritty and realistic story telling.
Also everyone in the fellowship dies.
orbitalfreak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:11:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"On the Wealth of Nations" by Ayn Rand.
Captriker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:11:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's To Kill a Mockingbird.
treasurepig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Irvine Welsh's Harry Potter. Just Harry Potter but written with Scottish.
TubaJesus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:14:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see tom Clancy cover game of thrones.
SageFrancisSFR ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While reading Neil Gaiman's "Stardust" I couldn't help but wonder what Tom Robbins would have done with that story.
Vidarella ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson cover Rabelais' Gargantua and Pantagruel. And then Terry Gilliam make it into a movie. PLEEEEEZE, WORLD?!?!
wtfdidijustdoshit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:23:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings on How to kill a mockingbird.
_enuma_elish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good try buddy
_Quinn_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:29:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's actually a book that reminds me of this question. Christopher Moore's "Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff"
A comedy writer writes the bible?
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
theironphilosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, yes, exactly. Thank you for that input.
TheOneItalian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:33:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nicholas Sparks: OJ's "If I did it"
theflamesweregolfin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Richard Dawkins
Boycoronablow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:35:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cat in the hat, Stephen king
DanelawGCP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The New and Old testament, as written by Douglas Adams.
I'm not sure if it would actually be a better read, but I think the perspective he creates in his work would explain a few things.
Valacity ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald's Trumps The Art of the Deal by Dr Seuss
Versent ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Ellroy does Lord of the Rings.
EtA: Donna Tartt does Huckleberry Finn.
IckyNicky67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ann M. Martin's "Fight Club"
waltjrimmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This may be weird, actually it is weird, that's the point, but I want to read the Edger Allan Poe cover of Bear.
For those that don't know, Bear is a semi-erotic Canadian novel(la) detailing the falling out of a woman from society and her ensuant love affair with a bear. Yeah, not the idea of a bear. Not like a big hairy man. A fucking wild bear. There is some question, to some who have read it, if the bear is in fact real or if the woman is imagining the beast as some manifestation of her desire for natural strength and yadda yadda. But I want to see it taken further.
Poe's work was a great mixture of detail and mystery and madness. I can see him taking this semi-erotic oddity and turning it into a psychological thriller that could captivate and chill its audience for centuries to come.
Most_Juan_Ted ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late as heck. Sandra Cisneros' Pride and Prejudice.
NOQOL-RII ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Matsuo Basho.
TskFactorFive ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lรกszlรณ Krasznahorkai: Stephen King's IT
Muskabeatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's all just ONE SENTANCE
bicyclegeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by Neal Stephenson
BearEater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less than Zero as covered by Orson Scott Card
ogreachiever_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:43:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George rr martins Harry Potter series
stacy_muffazone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Marie Macdonald covers The Catcher in the Rye
Adustreth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's fifty shades of grey
Bar_Sinister ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's Harry Potter.
Oh how she would analyze the Ministry of Magic and show how terrible it was for wizards.
thyfairykingdom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ferrante's Neapolitan books by Hemingway.
Frankly, I'm interested in seeing what he'd find to write about
DrScientist812 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Muskabeatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slothrop and the Rocket Factory
DrScientist812 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:08:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Mr. Wonka, why did you decide to build your factory here?"
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...I believe Munich has a planetary chakra."
The-poeteer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Djaesthetic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's adaptation of the Harry Potter series.
ginbooth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Matsuo Basho's War and Peace.
LocalPharmacist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Keroauc covers: Love In The Time Of Cholera
Wannabkate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim butcher, anything by Anne Rice or Pratchett.
MelvinDu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:56:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by George R. R. Martin
neonblakk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson's Jurassic Park may prove an interesting read...
oddiz4u ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F. Scott Fitzgerald The Outsiders
dezilaer_ouy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:58:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Prince by Bukowski
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covering Infinite Jest
Cybernetic343 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:59:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G R R Martin covering Harry Potter.
scknd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice covers Harry Potter. It's basically Harry Potter except Hermoine gets a train ran on her... and I don't mean the Hogwarts express
FilthyGypsey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R Martin's Hamlet
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:00:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Steven King.
hotforhygge ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covering the novel Trainspotting
LolliManLetsPlays ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H. P. Lovecraft's Lord of the Rings
askryan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:04:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's The Art of the Deal
St1ng ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
emesghali ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King does Harry Potter.
LaughingVergil ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Rise and Fall Of The Roman Empire" by Terry Pratchett.
AppropriateTouching ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:07:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering Stephen King's Dark Tower series.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:09:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Heinlein's Dune.
Bardfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I grok what you're saying
Ppleater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher has created some of my favourite depictions of vampires and werewolves so I'd like to see him take on Twilight since it'd be interesting to see what he does with it. White court vampires kind of make me think of what Stephanie Meyer was going for but done right, though he came up with them almost a decade before Twilight was published.
KneeCoTeen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - The fault in our stars
AFourEyedGeek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard Dawkins - Harry Potter, The Magic Complex.
He lists the biological reasons why people are willing to believe in magic and abuses anyone who might disagree with that view. It's a dry book.
Fractalrock1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway writing the Lord of the Rings. The chapter covering the destruction of the ring would be called, The Big Two-Hearted Lava River. Afterword Sam and Frodo would eat peanut butter and onion sandwiches and wash them down with daiquiris that tasted faintly of ash with an oily backwash.
danger_dragon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:14:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Sues covers Dantes Inferno
PotassiumAlum ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami's No Longer Human
Morthese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of ice and fire by Brent weeks
Stringskip ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:15:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neuromancer by Neal Stephenson.
Dune by Stephen King
NonaSuomi282 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like it's cheating to mix two authors who already share such a relatively narrow genre, but I would still read the hell out of that.
Stringskip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most likely what would happen is Stephenson would spend about 800 pages describing the complexity of the spawl, ice, and metaverse. Then the book would end abruptly in five paragraphs with no closure or setup for the next book. Happens to me every time I pick up a Stephenson book :(
Redhavok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss, Stephen Kings IT
caanthedalek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just finished reading Dune, and read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep shortly before that, so now I want to see Dune written by Phillip K. Dick.
interes_ted ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:19:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covers Hunger Games
AndRuK ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The George R. R. Martin cover of Of Mice and Men
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:21:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read the shit out of The original Star Wars novels as written by Neal Stephenson.
Or
I could really go for no country for old men as written by hunter s. Thompson
cc405 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk does Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
diabolical_diarrhea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:23:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Brother's Karamazov by Cormac McCarthy.
rappingtomatoe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shel Silverstein covers The Secret
JizzyTeaCups ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is brilliant
db_86 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love a rendition of 1984 in the style of Neil Gaiman.
mybustersword ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:27:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King writes Goosebumps
brianbadluck ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce "House of Leaves".
Bardfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Especially the chapter that Poe turned into "Hey Pretty".
adds to list
Meyou52 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Neil Gaiman
UltravioIence ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:28:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's American Psycho.
brilliant_fungi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:29:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Tingles take on "War and Peace."
chivani ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Memoirs of a Geisha
JeIIyDM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:31:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Has anyone ever heard of "Hamlet as told on the streets" by Shel Silverstein?
IhaveBlueBoogers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:32:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goosebumps by Stephen King
chuff80 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson does The Wheel of Time.
Mescalitoburrito ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rousseau's Confessions edited by Hunter S. Thompson
ofthehouses92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter series rewritten by Murakami
Space-Sausage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers Redwall.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:33:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Stephen King Batman story could be interesting
Random-Miser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would really like a version of Harry Potter where the main characters are actually smart, and don't continually do really stupid stuff.
Herr_Doktore ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:34:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide - Ray Bradbury Tales of Beedle the Bard - Douglas Adams The Time Machine - Lewis Carrol
TheDwarvenGuy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Utopia by George Orwell
Andrew6286 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:35:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephan King, Cat in the Hat
Disrupturous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering Catcher in the Rye
zennim ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ooooooohhhhh good one !
actionsr4u2C ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy covering Harry Potter series
kwietman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:37:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Umberto Eco writes "The Da Vinci Code." You know, instead of Dan Brown just plagiarizing Eco and Baigent/Leigh. Only with skill.
ishiiman0 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Hunter S. Thompson
def_cats ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:38:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin and the bible
Ski2204 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm by George R.R. Martin
seniorkite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman just released a book called "Norse Mythology", which is essentially him retelling Norse tales as he remembers them. It's pretty much what you're describing. It's great, too.
SYNTHLORD ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:39:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonneguts version of dantes inferno
Stormcrownn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Jordan, Last three wheel of time books.
Love Sanderson but I've always wanted to know how Jordan would've finished it.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers the Notebook
MrHav0k ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:42:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by George R.R. Martin
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:44:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would absolutely adore if this became a real thing.
tornreddit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:46:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catcher in the Rye
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Love it.
vikingwarhammer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:49:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Candide by George R.R. Martin
poop-trap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:50:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: only 3 authors
BassCreat0r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwells Animal Farm, by Dr. Seuss.
n0mgoose ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dali Lama's "The Art of War"
halfsad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by William S. Burroughs
Disrupturous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wardrobe would lead to the Interzone
lazy_eye_of_sauron ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:52:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's A Wrinkle In Time
trumpsabigot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trump recreating 1984, not that the fascist rat can read.
ThePopeofHell ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies"..
goanaog ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:56:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's Charlotte's Web
Akasuna29 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:58:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Hunter S. Thompson!
mexiwok ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:00:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy on The Stand.
trixylizrd ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:01:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Odysseus, by James Joyce
alphadextro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and peace by Douglas Adams.
oheilthere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:02:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's Fight Club.
ash5ever ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Patrick Rothfuss
Margaret Atwood does 1984 and Brave New World; George Orwell does Handmaid's Tale and Brave New World; Huxley does 1984 and Handmaid's Tale
I'd also read the fuck out of Kelly Sue Deconnick's take on Handmaid's Tale
xgfdgfbdbgcxnhgc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:03:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The God Delusion by L. Ron Hubbard.
xSkarmory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:05:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally any author The Winds of Winter. Just so we can actually read it one day.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:29:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not Patrick Rothfuss...
CortexVortex08 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doctor Seuss - The Call Of Cthulhu
The idea of him rhyming about cosmic horrors really entertains me.
awesomefaceninjahead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cthulhu has smiled upon you. http://geekandsundry.com/call-of-cthulhu-now-a-seuss-book-and-its-terrifying/
CortexVortex08 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
my life is complete.
GuineaJay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stan Lee and Jack Kirby do the Bible.
OftenOffensiveOften ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy by George R.R. Martin
burkean88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to read Cormac McCarthy's Crime and Punishment.
Parzius ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One covered by Orson Scott Card the author of Enders Game.
throwaway_0578 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:10:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by Douglas Adams (almost anything by Douglas Adams, let's be honest.)
Eth605 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:12:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George rr Martin
agentbo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:13:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahnuik's Clockwork Orange.
5QUID_ink ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:14:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Lemony Snicket
manthonylubes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:16:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thirteen Reasons Why by George R.R. Martin
Lekonish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adam's Neuromancer.
Or possibly: Neil Gaiman's Snow Crash.
dontworryskro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolita by Stephen King
norracom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:20:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just Douglas Adams anything
ChoosAUniqueUsername ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:22:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King Goosebumps
ShadowEp ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:22:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham by either George R.R. Martin or Stephen King.
pclinuxmac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:23:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by William Shakespeare
welldressedhippie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would probably be more common if public domain/copyright law wasn't abused so much in the US
BeardedBaseballFreak ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing by Cormac McCarthy
RentsBoy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus, that would be dark and somehow even more nihilistic.
BellacosePlayer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:24:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Terry Pratchett.
_Jimmy_Rustler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:25:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by George R R Martin
TorRaptors ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:27:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal by William Shakespeare
vinestime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orson Scott Card's take on the Harry Potter series.
Protahgonist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get the goddamn piggies out of the forbidden forest!
DystopianDipshit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:28:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How Things Work, by Alan Watts.
"When you really think about it, nothing does."
"What is work... function? A crippling, empty obfuscation of the reality of our world? Why bother analyzing that? What I'm more interested in is how things ARE. Where things exist, and what things mean to us inherently, not exherently. A function is simply our reduction of an object's reality down to its place in our finite existence. That stapler will continue to hold form long after you've used it, long after you're dead and gone, its atoms will remain. What good does analyzing the lever action of said stapler serve, when the vast majority of its existence will be free of your perception, free of your supposition of work. Indeed, to say that things 'work' in a way that you presuppose is a dangerous feat of hubris, in my mind... Your slice of perception doesn't define an object's purpose, its very existence does. One day, you will become more innately in-tune with the idea of yourself and the stapler being one, and such concepts as work and purpose lie completely against this self-discovery..."
"So let go of them. Be part of the eternal Big Bang, and let go of your presumption of the extent of reality. The stapler doesn't matter, the nuclear reactor doesn't matter, the function and form of the objects we've molded to the needs we've designated for them are all immaterial in comparison to the cosmos."
"So stop comparing. Things don't work. Things simply are, and you are them."
"Anyways, on to Optics..."
kurtvonnegutcobaine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:30:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C. S. Lewis's The Hobbit
Rhyftu ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody Poops by Edgar Allen Poe...
snackies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club.
SleazilyYours ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By everyone?
snackies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually yeah, it's one of those books that I would actually like to see a lot of different author's interpretations of it.
SleazilyYours ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could not agree more.
snackies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There are a few songs that I think that I feel that way about as well, you'll see different styles cover certain songs and some songs are great for that. I could see fight club as an action adventure / straight violent action book, as a romance, personally I think fight club is 100% a romance as a movie and as a book, as a thriller / horror novel etc.
winbigler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:32:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin - Harry Potter
Protahgonist ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A person written by a character?
stronwood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. R. R. Tolkien's A Song of Ice and Fire
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
101 Dalmatians, by William Shakespeare.
SPOILER ALERT. At least 60 dalmatians would die in the first 5 minutes, and by the end of the play they'd all be dead.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that's more the GRRM version. For Shakespeare, we see Pongo go through some heroics to get his puppies back, including killing some of Cruella's lackeys.
While he's gone, another dog tries to seduce Perdita. She flirts and tries to string him along so he doesn't get mad, but has excuses to turn him away.
Perdita falls into despair, thinking she'll never see her puppies again. She drinks radiator fluid to forget & die. As she succumbs to the poison, the father arrives. He tells her that he managed to save all of the puppies. She dies happy. Then he runs out into traffic because he'd been too late. He'd saved some of the puppies, but his own children were gone. Since Perdita was also dead, there was nothing left to live for.
mike117113 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the Origin of Species- Hunter S. Thompson
dancinadventures ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Stephen King
skylinesenilyks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marquis de Sade: "Shades of Gray"
Agonsolis137 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:33:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King
Proglamer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glen Cook doing Jim Butcher's Dresden Files - hell, Cook already said he would like to try: "Wish I'd thought of this myself"
BijouPyramidette ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cyberiad by Terry Prattchet
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings - Steven Erikson
KnightofRamen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bram Stoker's "Interview with a Vampire"
use_err_name ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steinbeck's The Martian
LvRDGSoStoned ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by George Martin
65a ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:35:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Old Man and the Sea", Hunter S. Thompson
lapinn0ir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:37:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This question is too good to pass up so I'd need
Dante's Inferno - Haruki Murakami
The Sirens of Titan - China Mieville
Anything Sherlock Holmes - Chuck Palahniuk
Edit: format
NoHotFuzz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:39:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Lord of the Rings' by EL James
Trisiloxane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:40:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George r.r. Martin's Harry Potter.
TheVoiceOfPleasin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken soup for the souls by Steven king. And not like he writes the preface or whatever, every entry in the book is by him. Just curious honestly.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Chuck Palahniuk.
hawkgrl ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:41:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R Martin
Givemeawayoutofhere ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheel of Time by Stephen King. King's economy of words with a story that doesn't have a fuck-you ending and actually makes sense. Yeah that's right. Dark Tower's ending sucks balls and the last three books have no plot.
aceintheplace805 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:43:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic Park, Chuck Palahniuk
ikindoflikereading ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:44:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good Omens by Douglas Adams
ikindoflikereading ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:45:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone by Ursula K Le Guin
Drew707 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:45:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crichton does King and King does Crichton.
Both would be fascinating, but only one can still happen.
Empanser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:46:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to hear Vergil's telling of The Lord Of The Rings.
ErisKSC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchetts Wheel of Time
Scutterbotch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to see King's The Stand covered by Clive Barker.
Subtle_deceit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:49:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You kind of get this with comics (which is one of the many reasons I love comics). While both being undeniably Batman, Jeph Loeb's version is very different from Grant Morrison's.
its_dolan_bru ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin- Lord of The Rings
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:49:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
if screenplays counted as the source i'd kind of want to see grrm cover star wars 1-3 as novels
SunUrsine ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:50:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Neil Gaiman
BasedStickguy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:50:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand any of these references to authors/jokes, I'm just a simple man, going through life, upvoting comments and acting like I understand them, cause FUCK taking an entire 24 hour period to have a grasp at even ONE of these mentions.
FinsternIRL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:51:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades By Terry Pratchett The Art of War By Terry Pratchett The Bible By Terry Pratchett
Syd666 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings covered by Charles Bukowski.
___LOOPDAED___ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R. Martin.
foflo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anaรฏs Nin's James and The Giant Peach
Lowtiersteve ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:52:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick, by Christopher Moore.
IpsissimusBoz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:00:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This, would be amazing
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eats, Shoots, and Leaves by e e cummings.
BurnDaPwiest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin-1984
thisideups ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk -
jeramiatheaberator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:54:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pat Rothfuss writes the dark tower series. Each book has like an extra hundred pages worth of worrying about shirts, money and he somehow manages to put student loans into the books.
JoshyFreddy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:54:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Steven King.
TheNumberMuncher ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King doing Harry Potter
PardooTheHolyMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Bill Watterson
Printern ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft's The Phantom Toolbooth
bishpleese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:55:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen's Anne of Green Gables
strictlybootypms ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:56:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick on Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude.
AnotherSmallFeat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:57:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That guy who wrote hit chokers guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams?) he would be the Wierd Al of the book world. It would be. Amazing.
susanchen99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:57:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
aren't covered books just fanfiction ๐ค
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Ray Bradbury
RagnarokAM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:58:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of Poe's work in the style of Stephen King.
Urlaz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible. By Mark Twain.
Awesomer_Than_Me ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:59:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best question in AskReddit history
Tureaglin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:03:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Chronicles of Narnia, and Lewis' Lord of the Rings.
AwwKayYo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:05:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by George R. R. Martin
fyrenews ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings/the hobbit by Terry Pratchett
strictlybootypms ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoevsky's American Psycho
Playerred ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where the Wild Things Are by Stephen King
alihyder727 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:13:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's Inferno.
Hudson3205 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:15:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adolfo Hitler's autobiography: diary of a wimpy kid
ErwinAckerman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:16:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining, by Beatrix Potter
delta9smoker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk presents One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Panmir ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:20:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Holy Bible" by Albert Camus
kittencannon51 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:23:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marx's The Art of the Deal
TimelyBarren ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:26:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ladies and gentlemen I present to you: goosebumps by Stephen king
pat5797 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally any book, Douglas Adams. I love his style. Just imagine what he could do with you favorite books.
darksounds ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:27:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunters of Dune and Sandworms of Dune, combined into one novel, with most of the plot changed, and written by Frank Herbert.
beefman4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:28:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter or the lion the witch and the wardrobe by George RR Martin
MechCADdie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:31:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin
jamesvini ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:34:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joe Abercrombie's The Belgariad
evildustmite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:35:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael ende(the never ending story) covering the wizard of oz
J. R. R. Tolkien covering the Inheritance Cycle(Christopher paolini)
Illusions-Of-Choice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:35:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Dr seuss
largelyuncertain ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like a David Sedaris take on Gatsby, still written in first person as Nick, would be a WHOLE different ball of wax.
50 Shades of Grey by Stephen King, with the danger and sex appeal the original believed it had and failed miserably. It's a much better story because, for starters, the genders are swapped, and it's a Graduate-style tale of an insanely wealthy older woman who's always felt victimized and gets off on domination taking a college guy down a jacked up path. Better still? Instead of Christian Grey, it's Carrie Grey...
Dashiell Hammett's Bonfire of the Vanities!
Chuck Palahniuk's Matilda.
The Importance of Being Earnest, by Edgar Allan Poe, a chilling morality parable about two men who play a dangerous game of pretend. I'm picturing something like the cast of Frasier acting out Hitchcock's 'Rope' and in my head, it's amazing. But then, when you already have Sideshows Bob and Cecil, I guess the rest does kinda write itself...
All the President's Men, by Anne Rice.
Rebecca, redrawn in the late '80s by Terry McMillan with an all-black cast.
nothing_in_my_mind ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:36:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by GRRM
KittenyStringTheory ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:37:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Pride and Prejudice covered by Margaret Atwood.
Get a little Handmaid's Tale up in Mr. Darcy's world.
yopesie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet ft. Dr Seuss
Jebiba ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:38:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Charles Bukowski
JettJergens ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:39:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How has no one said George R. R. Martin's Harry Potter?
MMMLG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:45:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Book of Revelation - H.P. Lovecraft
paidinboredom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:49:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson presents Fight Club: A dark journey into the facade of the American dream.
Shady8E ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It by R. L. Stine
Ghostboy259 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:49:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess - The Bible
Zekromaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams rewrites Lord of The Rings
George Orwell rewrites Hunger Games (yay for actual distopian novels)
Samuel Beckett rewrites Faust (the Goethe's one). (K, this is a bit of a cheat, considering that Faust was actually rewritten a lot and Goethe's one is already a "cover" - But an absurdist Faust? I need it).
Paul Di Filippo rewrites Harry Potter (It'd be fun. Fantasy-steampunk would probably fix most of the plotholes by Rule of Cool)
Aaand... This one is even more of a cheat, but I'd love to read a Don Giovanni (Don Juan) graphic novel by Hirohiko Araki.
biggypmcg ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Stephen King
Is_ok_Is_Normal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's It covered by Dr. Seuss
amak11 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Suess presents 50 Shades of Grey
tonybenwhite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:53:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's "fantastic beasts and where to find them", a classic story of the US magical government MCUSA and their dystopian fascist tyranny over nomajs
LurkingPhase ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk "Scott Pilgrim vs The World"
Tom Clancy's "To Kill a Mockingbird"
Jane Austen's "Of Mice & Men"
Shel Silverstein's "It"
H.P. Lovecraft's "Oh The Places You'll Go"
G.R.R. Martin "The Annals of the Roman Empire"
Barbara Kingsolver "The Name of The Wind"
Xanaduk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:55:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Memory of Light by Robert Jordan
Mercysh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well the wordings would be the same. So why.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:56:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A 'cover' of the novel wouldn't be a word-for-word rewrite. Yes, that would be pointless. But if someone rewrote a book using these basic characters and plot, in their style, it could create some amazing worlds.
quaid4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:57:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Douglas Adams
Those paintings would be so damn snarky, and the stairs that move where ever the hell they want already fit his style of humor.
iwontrememberanyway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:58:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
plus it would be so much funnier
Z_Miles24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:58:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by David Foster Wallace
spirito_santo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowlings "The Count of Monte Cristo"
frugalerthingsinlife ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:01:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible: Stephen King edition
missuniversed ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible โ 'cover' by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels
ashevillencxy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:10:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Lewis Carroll bootleg mix
ambitechstrous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:11:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that kind of what fan fiction is?
everydayisstorytime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:12:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My list: Douglas Adams, Sophie's World; Anne Rice, Twilight; Virginia Woolf, Jane Eyre; P.D. James, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes; Stephen King, Animal Farm; F. Scott Fitzgerald, Pride and Prejudice; Charles Dickens, A Game of Thrones; Chuck Palahniuk, The Hunger Games (if he writes it like Rant, it would be awesome).
And for a really fun one--Neil Gaiman, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.
abster0906 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:12:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's The Outsiders
Bluur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's take on Ender's Game.
splorf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:13:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Italo Calvino does Dune
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:14:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Giver by Neil Gaiman
santeeass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd real the hell out of this
Harleyquincey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:16:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. Martin featuring the remake of the classic novel known as "The Bible".
Just think of it. Stripped of the unnecessary fluff except for page-long descriptions of food, extra attention to the gore, the lewdness and the many zany characters in it.
Featuring Sean Bean as "Jesus" should it ever come to a TV series based on it.
bi_nomial ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:17:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's; Gรถdel, Escher, Bach
Featuring a secret terrorist plot woven within reality itself. The whole system of mathematics is at risk... So is the world!
daspanda1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:18:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien does ASOIAF
and RR Martin does Lord of the Rings.
Tetradic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
jebus
jgaddy23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:18:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell doing 'A Clockwork Orange'
SomeRandomMuffin ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:19:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by
Isaac AsimovDr. SeussTetradic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by Isaac Asimov would be the shit.
SomeRandomMuffin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:17:33 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy fuck it would.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:22:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have loved to see Aldous Huxley do 1984 and George Orwell do Brave New World, honestly.
Tetradic ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 07:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I thought of that, but I don't think it would be as exciting as it sounds. The authors were visionaries due to their unique insights regarding the experiences they were exposed to.
boxofmarshmallows ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:25:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Sherlock Holmes" (any) by Neil Gaiman
"A Wrinkle in Time" by Terry Pratchett
ProfessorScrappy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:25:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by George R R Martin.
TheSpoker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:30:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He may be a poet but Pablo Neruda: Harry Potter and the goblet of fire
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:31:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlotte's Web by Chuck Palahniuk
Dontreadmudamuser ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:36:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This can be achieved by dropping how the patent office treats intellectual property.
If we followed a lot of the previous rules a lot of today's copyright would be public property, such as lord of the rings or star wars.
renoracer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:40:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Jurassic Park.
CareerSMN ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:40:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman building on the world of Harry Potter and retelling the story.
PatchO_Derpy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:41:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cat in the Hat, written by George R. R. Martin.
Salchonic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:45:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but Reddit might actually explode if it were a thing.
yugoslavus_clicero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades od Grey, by Stephen King
embracechange3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Kurt Vonnegut
NoirChaos ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:50:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Terry Pratchett.
Cazadore901 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:53:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King unveils his brand new series: The Hunger Games.
danger__d ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carrie - Chuck Palahniuk
slothocles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:54:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What. A. Question.
Thatonesplicer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:55:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimans Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
stuartbrown75 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jorges Luis Borges wrote a short story, โPierre Menard, author of the Quixoteโ about a guy rewriting Don Quixote word for word identically to the original. It's very funny.
jezzamazza ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:58:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings, by George R.R. Martin
WellWhyTheFudgeNot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The entire Harry Potter series, presented by Neil Gaiman.
SaintsNoah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr.Suess's Fifty Shades of Grey
luft-waffle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:02:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Harry Potter.
otherhand42 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:06:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's Illuminatus Trilogy.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:12:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Faraway Tree in graphic novel format, illustrated by H.R. Giger.
saltmypineapples ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:18:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne of Green Gables by Vladimir Nabokov
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
More pseudointellectualism than 1 man can handle in 1 book.
herenseti ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick and his take on The Dharma Bums
ajarndaniel ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk doing the Bible.
Or David Foster Wallace covering Little Red Riding Hood.
TheRelaxedGamer86 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:24:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible-by Stephen Fry
Man that would be an entertaining read.
TaaBooOne ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:25:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by Douglas Adams.
eamonnkeating8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. This.
wohho ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:31:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Odyssey" by Douglas Adams
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Wackom(puter) 4000 and his tactile input: if the computer is upset or growlong gently caress the touchpad in the direction of the fur. NEVER give assignments to a computer while caressing agaist the fur growth. They forgot to add the fur"
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:32:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Papillion by George R.R Martin
CypressBreeze ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Matilda by Haruki Murakami
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:43:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Making a disjointed story even more disjointed.
ahmtguler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:33:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the rings by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am a fan of LOTR and I have to say it is pretty unreadable for a teenager as is, do you want to make it EVEN harder to read?
YtnurpDivad ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:36:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Harry Potter" written by George RR Martin -so much potential for actual character development and duels would be much more satisfying.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:43:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
ADrunkenMan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:46:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Committing genocide through non-violence...
AppleJuiceCyder ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:46:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King Presents: Goosebumps
stevebobeeve ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:47:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Irvine Welsh!!
Harry's strung out on heroin, Hermione is prostituting herself, Dumbledore is fiddling kids but constantly gets away with it, Weasley comes from a broken home in the depths of the most desperate poverty.
There's lots of places you could go there.
sarcasticgh0st ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:49:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt" by William Shakespeare.
nicktheguy101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"To stick thy finger in thy stink, that is the question "
Nanowith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In all seriousness why is this not a thing? It runs in line with oral tradition and has the potential to make for some brilliant literature and transform stories.
derrickcope ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:53:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Old Testament by GRRM
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:55:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare + 50 Shades?
lxkrycek ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:56:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of Harry and Voldy by G.R.R. Martin
TeaDrinkingRedditor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:57:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I couldn't make it passed 3 books of Wheel of Time as it's so slow, therefore my choice would be Brandon Sanderson covering the entire thing rather than the few books at the end he wrote to finish the series
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:58:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by George Orwell.
badmartialarts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:01:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phillip K. Dick's Snow Crash. Neil Stephenson's Minority Report would just be the screenplay for the movie, more or less.
FireLordEustace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:01:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How to win friends and influence people by Adolf Hitler.
(Not that I would say I would be excited, more intrigued)
Re-lar-Kvothe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:02:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged by Barrack Obama (he will be an author soon, right?)
NarcolepticDraco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:06:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Discworld(-verse?)
Or just more Pratchett (I want more City Watch novels).
Doc_Felicia ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Alan Moore
nsully89 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:08:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Douglas Adams.
Kalesche ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:11:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf, by Dr. Seuss.
Dominicmeoward ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:11:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal by Hitler.
Durzio ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Black Prism, by Brandon Sanderson
Or
Warbreaker, by Patrick Rothfuss
Faaln ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:17:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering The Fellowship of the Ring.
amawizard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:19:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's The cat in the hat.
Nose_Grindstoned ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:19:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love Hunter S Thompson to write 1984
Sharkeyster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:21:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Treasure Island by Douglas Adams
TrevWest ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:22:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War- by Mahatma Ghandi
Ozimandius1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:31:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Mr. T
โMr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Muthafucker.'
thatsolandon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R. Tolkein, The Bible
RedBird101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:35:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R Tolkien presents Game of thrones.
'so first things first, let's get rid of any boobs and make Jon Snow smarter. Oh yeah, and what's this shit about some girl CONTROLLING dragons? Dragons aren't controllable'
jospence ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:52:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The foolish girl got eaten by a dragon"
DrBruh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:35:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams presents: The Bible
pacman8746 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:37:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Stephen King. I feel he would make the small tedious details in LOTR interesting like he did in It.
ItsJonesey94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was going to be my suggestion too!
jackthefiction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:54:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
actually lotr is one of the dark tower 's inspirations. so
DzSma ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:37:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fyodor Dostoyevski's "Interview With A Vampire"
OR
Iain M Banks' "The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader"
Sharkiie101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:38:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson covering Rothfuss, we might actually get doors of stone this century
themice ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:39:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
East of Eden by Shel Silverstein
Poerender ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:41:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Patrick Rothfuss. I'd love to see his rendition, but I think even Martin would finish it sooner.
amcoll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:41:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible by L Ron Hubbard
Alternatively, God - Dianetics
BaconGivesMeALardon ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stand by Cormac McCarthy
InfintexCourtxJester ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:59:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road and Blood Meridian Redux?
endwanker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:44:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id love to see George RR Martin's take on Percy Jackson
Ascimator ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:44:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet by whoever wrote 50 Shades of Gray.
Ol_Jeffers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:46:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covering the Harry POTTER series would be legit
DDT126 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin with his take on Harry Potter
LilithAkaTheFirehawk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:52:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan - Romeo and Juliet.
jumbomushy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:00:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap that would be funny
ferrouswolf2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:55:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Flies by Cormac McCarthy!
Pig_Bookie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Bread and Soup, by Elie Wiesel.
Lil-Lanata ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:03:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Horus Heresy novels - by Isaac Asimov.
nuclear_herring ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:11:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably too late, but here goes.
'Carrie' by Enid Blyton.
buttercupcake23 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:12:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John le Carre's the Babysitters Club series.
DewMan001 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:28:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On that note, and this feels like an obvious joke, E.L. James's The Babysitters Club, Animorphs and Goosebumps
"Scared Sexy"
hytch ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:14:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to this, but how about the entire Dr. Seuss collection by u/poem_for_your_sprog with art by u/shittywatercolour?
eVrex ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:15:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm by George RR Martin
Aleat6 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:16:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Gaimans the davinci code.
lloydy98 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:17:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Georges RR Martin does Harry Potter. But the earlier books though as this would make the murder of teenagers much more gruesome.
RolandTravelsTime ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stanislaw Lem covers Hamlet.
Douglas Adams covers Catch 22.
philmoskowitz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:21:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iain M Banks The Culture novels by Neal Stephenson
GooseNZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:23:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kamph
By Dr Seuss.
DewMan001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by E.L. James.
tmking9 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:25:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Kings Twilight
mann-y ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Dianetics' by Kurt Vonnegut
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:26:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Terry Pratchett and in return F. Scott Fitzgerald gets to take a run at Guards! Guards!
hokiethug ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Stephen King
wanton-tom-tom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:32:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fahrenheit 451 - Delia Smith
DreamCyclone84 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R R Martin
RumHam_enthusiast ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:36:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Fantastic Mr Fox' by Irvine Welsh
MindIfIAskAQuestion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:37:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged by Karl Marx?
Qrr801 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:39:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams rendition of The Dark Tower series. The seriousness in those books is gonna disapear completely.
OnceOrTwiceMaybe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:42:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump covering The Art of War.
MathematicalTea ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:46:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's "The Call of Cthulhu"
SergeiSmith ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:47:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's Twilight
ThalmorInquisitor ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:49:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' The Bees.
Flora 216 was a bee, an ordinary little bee, in an ordinary little hive, in a somewhat harmless planet in the most dull part of the known universe. But when she gets it in her mind to sup some royal jelly and become a new Queen, a civil war erupts in the HiveOnTheAppleTree.
Takes place on an Earth where bees rule but nobody told them that, they just are really good at building their hives and stopping threats.
Also an unnamed Arthur Dent comes down from space at one point in the epilogue looking for honey to put in a sandwich.
TeddyHansen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:51:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible by Chuck Tingle
hydrazi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:53:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT, by Mark Twain.
DrBunnyflipflop ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:53:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Carr - Mein Kampf
GLBMQP ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:55:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin: The Lord Of The Rings
ZERONUTS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Charles Bukowksi
imahik3r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:57:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. Some authors make a career out of it.
The Cask of Amontillado / Dolan's cadillac -- stephen king
Dracula / 'Salem's Lot -- stephen king
Of mice and men / Blaze -- stephen king
The man (campfire ghost story) / The Man in the Black Suit -- stephen king
The painting (campfire ghost story) / The Road Virus Heads North -- stephen king
tiltldr ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:59:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be very excited to read a Chuck Palahniuk (Fightclub etc.) cover of The dice man (written by George Cockcroft)
HugoSimpson92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:07:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone by George R R Martin.
And the sequel, Ron Weasley and the Chamber of Secrets.
VIIX ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' take on Arthur C. Clarke's Space Odyssey series.
..Oh... wait...
Biased24 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Book: The Help Author: Adolf Hitler
bigluck2k3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
World War Z by Dr. Seuss
cfdemarco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of Cormac McCarthy's The Road.
mattosgood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Klosterman's The Great Gatsby
throway_nonjw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:25:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fountainhead by Hunter S Thompson.
BadWolf2112 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:26:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where The Sidewalk Ends By /u/poem_for_your_sprog
EliteNub ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:27:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joyce covers "The Cat in the Hat"
M--coop- ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:28:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The boy in the striped pajamas' by Adolf Hitler
Elmrada ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:40:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Anne Frank
M--coop- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When hitler stole pink rabbit by Joseph Goebbels
seltzerlizard ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's cover of Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy. We'd get it recast as a story of the intertwining legacies of a few families through the thousand years of the book, the science would be updated, the Mule's impact would be more fleshed out, and there'd be one character who mysteriously lived through the entire span from the book.
HieronymusBeta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:30:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov aka The Good Doctor
jmccarthy0616 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of gray, by dr. Seuss
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series wrote by GRRM
WheresTheButterAt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:32:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by R.L Stines.
A choose your own adventure book!
sunonthenothingnew ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:33:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Samuel Beckett does The Shining:
Vast carcass of undying landscape. Bone white. In it I stood, picking my nose, watching my father pass a roque mallet from left hand to right hand, right hand to left hand, left hand to right hand, right hand to left hand, until indeed he looked up at me, at which point I looked away to the hedge, so that he looked down at the roque mallet, proceeding which I looked at him, until indeed his gaze returned to me, so that I'd no alternative but to look at the hedge, suffering which sight he in turn turned to the hedge, our gazes finally altering to meet each other. The hedge looked.
Toffeepelican ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:34:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of war - Dr. Seuss.
BlackOctoberFox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:34:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: The Da Vinci Code and conversely, Dan Brown: The Hound of the Baskervilles.
I'd be interested to see how the great detective Sherlock would solve that particular mystery, whilst watching Robert Langdon bumble about in a country manor.
bunsofcheese ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:35:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood covering 1984 and/or Brave New World
rageofheaven ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:37:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Cold Blood - J.K. Tolkien
Gazebadly ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:42:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd rather like someone to have a go at continuing the Aubrey/Maturin series begun with Master & Commander.
Not sure who I'd get to do it though. But surprised it hasn't happened yet.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:42:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf: Dr suess
Owenlars2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:42:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has kinda already happened with Neil Gaiman's Graveyard Book, which is pretty much a goth 'cover' of Rudyad Kipling's The Jungle Book. I guess, along these lines, you could also consider William Shakespeare's Star Wars series by William Doescher to be more of a fan 'cover' of a script. Definitely something I'd love to see happen more.
abearc ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:43:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see twilight written with a better writing style and decent character development.
RhinoNamedHippo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:52:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Kurt Vonnegut
avobian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Awesome suggestion!
zbadknee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:53:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Stephen King
avobian ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:40:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There'd be a lot more dead griffindor I think.
_Fenris ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Harry Potter.
Flappy_pot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss - the bible
Baby_Fart_McGeezax ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:57:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Kurt Vonnegut
Stewbodies ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:57:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin writes a cookbook. You wouldn't even need to make the food, you'd already know exactly how it tastes from reading about it.
xxurpwnerxx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've just started reading this book, and I'm sure I'm not the first to say this,
But I'd like to see a version of Catcher in the Rye written by an inmate or mental patient, to see an interpretation on a scale more thought out than most would ever delve on their own
p3terman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games (just the first one) by Stephen King
Cyrano89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's called The Long Walk and was published under the pseudonym Richard Bachman.
Womboy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:59:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and peace by Jack Black.
aspen70 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice And Men by Philip K Dick
chadus_ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:03:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any hentai by Shakespeare
Eleceno ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:05:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey - Dr Seuss
sunbyrnes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:06:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tale of two cities by h.p. love craft
Aura-Chan ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:07:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see one of the big name authors take a look at the Inheritance series by Christopher Paolini. Tolkein or Martin would be most interesting I think.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:08:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's Hunger Games
Katniss side eyes a lot more people, Peeta tries to adopt a Tracker Jacked bc they're misunderstood.
PM_UR_NUDE_BODY ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:11:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Stephen King
GREENDRAG0N ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:13:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R R Martin
Tlali22 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:14:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wuthering Heights- by any fanfiction author
I love the story. It's so intense and beautiful. But her writing style KILLS me! It could really use some normalization in the dialogue, descriptions, (and those passionate as f*ck scenes).
ViZeShadowZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey by Dr Seuss
scott42486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:18:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Martin covering the Night Angel Trilogy (originally by Brent Weeks).
Bearbot128 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:18:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Odyssey by Douglas Adams.
unicorn_feces33 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:21:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George R.R. Martin
VulcanPhoenix ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:21:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hunger games, by Dr. Seuss
washheightsboy3 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:26:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Winds of Winter... by anyone.
pummelgranate ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:31:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suggest listening to the album every trick in the book by ice nine kills.
Every song in the album is based off a famous piece of literature such as dracula, the exorcist, animal farm etc.
13thgeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just looked this up on Spotify. Will give it a listen.
The_Curious ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:36:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art of War by Dr. Suess
Wiinounete ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:36:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snow white by Neil Gaiman! ... oh wait already done XD
Man-Bear-Sloth ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:37:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One fish two fish - Shel Silverstein
Captain_Monkeigh ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Game of Thrones by Frank Herbert
ChewMaNutz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Chuck Palahniuk
slibbing ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin
Tankye_West ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It would be so good. I can almost taste his explanations of all of the magical food.
TheTimpai ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:44:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just want to hear Tolkien and Martin swap novels. "The Fellowship of Ice and Fire will be done hopefully before I'm dead, and Martin will get "A Song of the Ring" done just quick enough to delay the next Game of Thrones book again.
austinmiles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's It.
Grimroulf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:47:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers Moby Dick
a-r-c ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:49:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's The Old Testament
kstam170 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:50:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Dr Seuss
Amkao-Herios ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:51:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's MacBeth (oh God I think I butchered the spelling of that).
CAPO_iNSTiNCT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by Stephen King
pm_me_ur_pizzas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:58:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice In Wonderland by Stephen King. It would ve abaolutely terrifying.
EQandCivfanatic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:00:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Machiavelli does Stephen King's It.
bdooz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:01:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' Mein Kampf
Dadi01 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:03:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by dr.seuss
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:04:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Bible' by Lemony Snicket
Mikemtb09 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:05:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Narnia; The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, by J.R.R. Tolkein
The Hobbit by George Orwell
ludlowdown ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King writes Twilight
RoastyMyToasty99 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read a book for summer reading in my 10th grade of high school called "Jake: Reinvented". It was a modernization of The Great Gatsby. That would count as a cover, right?
OffhandSoldier ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:08:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adolf Hitler's The Boxcar Children. I know I'm going to hell for this.
hatatattat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:09:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham by Stephen King
TheMostSolidOfSnakes ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:15:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Milo Yianopolous
Charlotte's Web by Christopher Hitchens
ShireCantHandleMe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:16:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Patrick Rothfuss.
cardboard_box_robot ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:25:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Leox343 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:27:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably been said already but:
Game of Thrones by Dr. Seuss.
oldcreaker ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:28:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cat in the Hat - by Stephen King
Keep the first line "The sun did not shine" - and go from there.
blackcoffiend ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:30:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King- Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived in the Castle.
Wheneveryouseefit ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:30:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski covering Fifty Shades of Grey, people would have a completely different view on those books if he wrote them.
bammerah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:30:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of the Bible
BloodThirstyChimera ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:37:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's already a horror fiction, not much would change.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:31:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's Bible
BareezyObeezy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:32:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Chuck Palahniuk
historymajor44 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:32:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by GRRM. Harry dies in the first book. He doesn't come back.
goodgen ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:33:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Narnia by Tolkien
Lord of the Rings by CS Lewis
Bardfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:15:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They were members of a writing circle called the Inklings, and both works were, to an extent, answers to the other's views and prior writings.
jwcarpy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:40:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Gods by Cormac McCarthy. I like that book, but I really LOVE McCarthy's style.
EmpressCaligula ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:41:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The John Green and/or Maureen Johnson cover of Twilight. I would LOVE to see that series done well and for those characters to actually develop.
two_nibbles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:42:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean it does sort of happen. A lot of modern high fantasy totally rips a story laid directly on to a Tolkien's LotR template. Tolkein's own Children of Hurin borrows heavily from several classic works, the names of which frustratingly escape me at the moment.
An example closer to what you are describing would I think be commonly told fairy tales and the Brothers Grimm counterparts. Not so much a novel though... hmmm.
Translations I suspect stand to have much of their tone colored by the specific translator but still not quite exactly like a Postmodern Jukebox cover of Radiohead is it?
I don't know that a musical cover would work necessarily for novels. I don't think I would be super excited for any of them.
Bardfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The names which escape you are the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nibelungenlied
two_nibbles ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:25:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agh yes! My old German teacher would beat me if he knew I had forgotten. Ah well not much time for culture in the life of an engineer, unfortunately.
Know I think it much of Tolkien's work borrowed heavily from old German and Norse history and mythology.
Bardfinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quite heavily.
Ravendead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:43:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Giaman has covered Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book in his book The Graveyard Book. They are essentially the same book only with switched settings and Neil added more serial killers.
Psykpatient ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And it's hella good.
Ravendead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, and The Graveyard Book also has a lot less casual racism.
TheDongerNeedsFood ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit! What an idea!!!!
OldBenKenzingo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:44:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm super late in game and no one will see this but... "Star Wars" co authored by JRR Tolkien and CS Lewis.
playr_4 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:47:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's 'Carrie ' as written by Brian Lee O'Malley.
DangalfTheGray ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art Of the Deal by Al Franken (aka Donald Trump is a Fat Lying Idiot and Other Observations)
ProlapsedPineal ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:51:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Awaken The Giant Within' by Clive Barker.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That would be a best seller.
linuxboxrocks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:52:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'To Kill A Mockingbird' by Steven King
Communist-Onion ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:53:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham by Jean-Paul Started or Albert Camus
Yelonade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:55:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss covering Mein Kampf. "Do would you like Jews in the Reichland? I Do not like them, Sam-I-am. I do not like Jews in the Reichland . Would you like them here or there? I would not like them here or there. I would not like them anywhere. I do not like Jews in the Reichland. I do not like them, Sam-I-am!"
Mike_Cee ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the......
An Adaptation by Stephen King.
andrewwhited ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:56:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fannery O'connor cover of The Fall by Camus. I thought The Fall had good characters that O'connor would be able to translate to a southern setting. She also could probably get to the heart of the characters a little bit more concisely.
ghostbrainalpha ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:57:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormack McCarthy's Dune.
CunningCrow ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:59:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher covers Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:06:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet King could work magic with Moby Dick
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:07:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by J.K. Rowling
Kingslow44 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:15:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If You Give a Moose a Muffin by David Foster Wallace.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:26:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where the Red Fern Grows by Lee Child. Huck Finn by Tom Clancy.
chungustheskungus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:40:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore's Winnie the Pooh.
Dev737 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:45:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
McSweeney's Issue 49 is doing this exact thing. I do not know how to embed links so... https://store.mcsweeneys.net/products/mcsweeney-s-issue-49
Yelonade ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:50:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Bible" by Richard Dawkins.
Wolffairy12 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It" by Dr. Seuss
Penguin_Out_Of_A_Zoo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Game of Thrones
thejakecurry ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:59:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elie Wiesel's recreation of "Mein Kampf"
ihateradiohead ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:35:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Men: Dr. Seuss
OhSoSorryWrongHole ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:36:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible by Chuck Palaniuk... or Bukowski
XanderS311 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think that Bret Easton Ellis would write an amazing version of Lolita for some reason...
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:49:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Count of Monte Cristo... By George R.R. Martin.
A Song of Fire and Ice... By Douglas Adams.
The Hunt for Red October - By Alexadre Dumas.
MarcusMace ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:55:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jules Verne writing the Magic Treehouse series
Fedora200 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:00:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim O'Brien covering anything by Tom Clancey
Bagzy ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:03:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of the deal - sun tzu
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:08:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible - Brandon Sanderson.
Batwyane ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:19:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh the places you'll go. By Cormack McCarthy
Sharpman76 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:20:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Popular books and authors I haven't read. I should read more.
PM_Me_Unpierced_Ears ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:22:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jesus I hope this becomes a real thing.
LV426_DISTRESS_CALL ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:30:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cat's Cradle by Haruki Murakami
RayOfShay ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:36:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein kempf by Anne Frank, would love to read the constant dissing, heavy satire and obvious hate.
epichvs ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:46:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Douglas Adams.
Buloi92 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:58:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I told my dad, an avid reader and atheist, about this thread. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I'm not disappointed:
"How about the Bible by Seuss?
'I do not like this Pharoah so well He dresses quite oddly I don't like his smell He won't free my people He won't let them go After sending 10 plagues The Pharoah said 'no' 'I will keep them in bondage and treat them like dogs. I do not much care if you make it rain frogs'"
HumanLeftovers ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:01:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King, The Bible
jimmyjeffrey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:13:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man after reading all these comments I realize I do not read enough
acheron53 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:23:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by L. Ron Hubbard. Some idiots would form a religion around it and we'd end up with many people carrying towels everywhere saying "Don't Panic."
Now that I think about it, that sounds WAY better than scientology.
rangemaster ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:24:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by George R.R. Martin
reddit_l8r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:33:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He would get bored around Exodus, especially the genealogy part.
He should write the missing book, The Book of the Wars of the Lord.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this is called fanfiction.
Codymaverick420 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aldous Huxley, George Orwell, Karl Marx collab on the Bible
Ghonaherpasiphilaids ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:29:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The odyssey and the illiad by Dr. Seuss.
silvxoxo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:41:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King doing the LoTR trilogy and reverse Tolkien doing the dark tower
JoeyDefrancesco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:44:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of gray by Edgar Allen Poe
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:46:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
edgar allen poe's 1984.
or isaac asimov's 1984.
yeah, i know we'd need a time machine.
just...do it
edit:
i oopsed a name
HieronymusBeta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:46:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov aka The Good Doctor
weird_in_UIC ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:57:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't a new concept. Rewritten novels come out all of the time, they usually have a slight twist to them that makes them distinctive to the author.
fabfoudroyant ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:25:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore covers The Stand
golfboi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:55:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Kanye West: a first person story about the creation of earth and expensive sweatshirts
Knavey ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:05:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I LOVE this idea.
souljabri557 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:06:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by William Shakespeare. Not very funny or unique, sure, but I would love to read this.
littlebloodmage ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:15:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Scarlet Letter by Terry Pratchett
starkillerrx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:30:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings trilogy "covered" by Terry Pratchett.
Xtinguish ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:49:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Creighton covering Cell by Stephen King would be cool.
Conversely. Stephen King covering The Lost World could be awesome
l0nest4r ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:59:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's "The Stand"
bjausel2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:10:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"the hungry caterpillar" by steven king
KeeganTheFabulous ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:23:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Counting only covers by authors that are still alive:
Counting late authors:
Walht ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:45:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nice mate you got second of all time
Bold-Avocado ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:21:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Martin - The Bible.
diraniola ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:24:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Neil Gaiman
lizimajig ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:35:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter covered by Lemony Snicket.
kubuzetto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:21:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best thread ever! I was a little down today, but I'll fall asleep with a grin now.
I fucking love you people.
Mikenesses ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:00:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP's going places
5am5ep1ol ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:12:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh! I just thought of another one:
Kurt Vonnegut doing Life of Pi.
And I'm out.
ElfWord ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:21:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1) Suzanne Collins (author of The Hunger Games)'s cover of Harry Potter
I feel like this would be a more streamlined, action-driven trilogy that puts us more in Harry's head and keeps the danger of Voldemort more present (but still building / raising the stakes) throughout the series.
2) J.K. Rowling's cover of Animorphs
She managed the transition from early teens adventure to early adulthood war so well. It'd be fantastic to read her take on Animorphs.
3) Neal Stephenson's cover of The Lord of the Rings
Stephenson is amazing at writing about characters' differences, the roles they find themselves falling into when in a group, and how they learn under pressure to use their strengths / push beyond what they thought were their limits. I'd love to read his take on the Fellowship's journey. And you wouldn't miss a bit of Tolkien's setting depth / all those footnotes, as delivered in a classic Stephenson deep-dive tangent.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:25:15 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So the first book would be called Jake and the Andalite's Cube?
The_quest_for_wisdom ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:55:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Iliad, by Douglas Adams.
peanutpunk-2 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Journey To The West" by J. R. R. Tolkien
zorbtrauts ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:59:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crime and Punishment by Haruki Murakami
The Gunslinger by China Mieville
Don Quixote by Neil Gaiman
The Lord of the Rings by N.K. Jemisin
Beemer32 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:02:19 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man, if R. L. Stine did one of Green Eggs and Ham I feel like it would be the most lit children's book ever
TenaciousBe ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:12:41 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a novel, but I'd love to see u/poem_for_your_sprog take on Shel Silverstein.
MyFaceOnTheInternet ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:29:47 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Harry Potter
JedTheKrampus ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:50:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obviously no one will ever see this, but I could really go for a cover of Ovid's Metamorphoses by Haruki Murakami.
Silverboy101 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:36:39 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I saw it!
Have a candy
JedTheKrampus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:36 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow! You must have really gone digging.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:17:39 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raymond Chandler's No Country for Old Men.
mamamedic ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Commenting simply so I can more easily find and re-read, as this has possibly the best comment thread I've ever seen!. Carry on, you magnificent bastards!
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:07:24 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can only hope this would be seen, since I'm a day late but:
S.E Hinton, "The Body" (aka Stand By Me)
Also, Janet Evanovich doing an Americanized version of the Georgia Nicolson series would be hilarious.
HossMcDank ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:09:17 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"
Youngdragonalex67 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:50 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT By Dr. Seuss
ProdigyGamingYT ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:07:43 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmm... Harry Potter by Lemony Snicket.
Dear Reader, The story you hold in your hands is nothing but misfortune and despair. Within these pages you will find magic, a killing curse, snakes, He Who Most Not Be Named, a talking hat, and a Mirror of Desire. With this mirror, I would wish that I never had to write this horrid tale, but you should make your desire to rid your life of this so-called enjoyment.
Lemony Snicket.
wulfsbane21 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:35:40 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L. Stine for 'Harry Potter', as a choose-your-own-adventure series.
You could end up joining the Death Eaters, Rita Skeeter's assistant, or fulfill your destiny as an Auror.
Planague ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:25:36 on May 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You may also enjoy this classic SDMB thread from 2002. It's a hoot from the first post (Mark Twain). And having re-perused it after lo these many years, I can't help but give you this taste:
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:05 on May 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's awesome. There were some really good responses in this thread, when I get a chance, I'm going to compile all of the samples into a post, because it is really enjoyable to read what could have been!
dario606 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:54 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rich Dad Poor Dad by Carl Marx
SatanMcNuggets ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:53:49 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art of war covered by Douglas Adams
desertrose416 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:16:49 on May 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covering A Wrinkle in Time
NerdyWeightLifter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:35:41 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones by Douglas Adams.
MagFrag5891 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:34:27 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Giver", covered by Ray Bradbury. It's sad that Bradbury died.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:02:46 on May 27, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TBH, Shakespeare. Macbeth would be fantastic written as a novel in normal modern English.
Also, writers like Ray Bradbury or George Orwell doing those modern kitschy teenage dystopia like The Hunger Games. I love dystopia as a genre, but not when it's bogged down with two hundred pages of unnecessary love story drama.
Gilly725 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 23:57:18 on June 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess's: IT
zekellie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:08:14 on June 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Wrinkle in Time
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:57:37 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...by Douglas Adams
Bornattork ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:15:53 on June 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R. Martin
holversome ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:38:51 on June 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animorphs by Chuck Palahniuk
Tobias is so fucked. In more ways than he can probably imagine.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:14 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know what Animorphs is, but not Chuck Palahniuk :/
holversome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:37 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fantastic author of Fight Club, Choke, and Invisible Monsters fame.
diegocoloto ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:18:37 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Old Man and the Sea by Charles Bukowski
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:03:07 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I, Robot by Eliezer Yudkowsky
Kareberta ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:58:37 on July 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell - Brave New World or vice versa Aldous Huxley - 1984
TheZohanG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 10:27:08 on July 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H. P. Lovecraft covering the bible
EmeraldDS ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:58:43 on August 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe covering 50 Shades of Grey.
// late af
PositiveChi ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 20:26:25 on August 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Lord of the Fucked Up Rings
King_Matt_Gamer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 17:38:51 on August 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill O'Rielly: To Kill A Mockingbird
carnacstone ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:00:06 on August 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump covering Mein Kampf
woah_LookAtThat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:55:45 on September 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven king, cover of any goosebumps book
BarryBRG ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 14:39:40 on September 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by George R.R. Martin
pedantsunited ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:22:29 on September 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George rr Martin writes lotr or Harry Potter
4-words-or-less ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:38:41 on September 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess' "pet sematary"
DemetrioM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:00:16 on September 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' Game of Thrones
gostybever ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 18:22:18 on September 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT - Dr. Seuss; The Cat in the Hat or The Lorax- Stephen King
unrivaledsuperhottie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:29:27 on October 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So much gold in this thread
asentientgrape ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:23:08 on October 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patriot Games by Kurt Vonnegut The Hunt for Red October by Joseph Heller Rainbow Six by Tim OโBrien
Basicallyโany Tom Clancy book by an author whoโs actually been to war.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 22:52:18 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any religious text written as a Shakespearean play.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 19:25:37 on October 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT by RL Stein
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:36:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
BiologyIsHot ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:19:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, he does only write three characters (okay maybe I'm biased, I haven't read any of his newer stuff so maybe he's developed new personalities for his books) so we've got Ron Harry and Hermione covered.
guaranic ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:01:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering A Song of Ice and Fire. He already rescued The Wheel of Time.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:10:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You think asoiaf needs rescuing?
guaranic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't get me wrong, I love the books, but he's just not writing them at any reasonable pace. 21 years for 5 books. At this pace, who knows if we'll even get a finished series from GRRM.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:16:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a fair point. Thought you meant the quality.
evilpirateguy ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:18:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham by George R. R. Martin.
thecastr8er ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:35:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's version of Eat Pray Love.
Chortling_Chemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I could see it taking place in the Spanish State just after WW2.
PastyTheWhite ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" by J. R. R. Tolkien
StopDropAndTrolll ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:40:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dennis Johnson covering The Great Gatsby.
I think it would make the novel much more stream of conscience-y and I think that would make the narrative stronger (it's a great book, don't get me wrong). Also, I like Johnson's drug-addled style, which would directly relate to Fitzgerald's actual life experience if I'm not mistaken (What with the fame and parties I imagine)
Gunmetal89 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:46:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. Think of the deaths!
BearEater ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 02:48:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I said I was done, but I thought of one as I was going to sleep I couldn't resist just one more.
How Stella Got Her Groove Back by Michel Houellebecq
EvilManifested ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 02:55:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any half decent author doing Twilight. The premise of it was decent, but the books just ended up terrible.
monkeyshinez ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Gone With the Wind.
Rastignac ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:02:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Dark Tower series written by Alexandre Dumas.
Gre3nLeader ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham cover by Stephen king
MoronicEagles ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:03:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's version of 1984
del_jellio ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:07:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegutโs Don Quixote
snesdreams ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:14:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell doing literally anything.
MrFluffPants1349 ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:17:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think if he covered Fight Club it would be super interesting. Or I Am Legend.
Paxtian ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:26:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering Name of the Wind.
Patrick Rothfuss covering American Gods.
Neil Gaiman covering Mistborn.
Any or all of those would be pretty fantastic.
[deleted] ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:36:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
twyste ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:42:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes, yes, all well and good. But! What book about red pandas would you like to see rewritten by a red panda?
ceruleansensei ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:37:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut - Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix. The dystopia!! The magic!!
newyorker9789 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:39:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see what Salmon Rushdie does with children's books like Dr. Seuse
MrBlueandSky ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:40:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Tim Tebow
mindbleach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Kingkiller Chronicles (Name Of The Wind, Wise Man's Fear) by anyone, really, just so they'll fucking finish it.
dezapplez ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl's Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:55:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers Twilight. Or an Anne Rice cover of Twilight. I just want the exact same storyline, but made incredibly dark and gritty. I want Martin gore and grit and scale with all the meaningless drama of Meyer. Bella is totally lost in pretty pale girl melancholia because Edward is ignoring her, meanwhile there's an interspecies war going on in the small town of Forks between the vampires and werewolves. Edward and the rest of his family is ultimately torn to shreds by Werewolves right in front of Bella, at her wedding. She settles for Jacob, who will be some kind of nightmare monster. She gives birth to an unholy monster, but which guy is the father? Edward comes back from the dead for revenge against the werewolves to butcher his way across the pacific northwest, but, more importantly, who's going to take her to prom?
alexheberling ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 04:19:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Sedaris, "The Martian"
downsouthcountry ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:30:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
/u/poem_for_your_sprog covering Crime and Punishment
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:51:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl by Adolf Hitler
Disrupturous ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:58:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Mein Kampf by Anne Frank
ComradeVladislav ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 05:55:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf.
Josef Stalin.
Fuckin ay
AppleCamerasAreCrap ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:35:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 Covered by Donald Trump
tiny-meows ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:10:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss' rendition of 'Harry Potter' or 'Game of Thrones'.
Quenji ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 02:25:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen kings cover of slaughterhouse five.
ccwithers ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:09:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time, started and finished entirely by Brandon Sanderson.
bushysmalls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson; Dune
BearEater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:22:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Finnegan's Wake Somehow he makes it work.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:31:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If i wasn't eating gruel every day I'd spend my money on reddit gold just so you'd keep posting ideas here.
BearEater ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 01:33:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was worried I was flooding the thread. I'll try and think of a few more.
Gregrox ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:15:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Andy Wier's cover of Mission of Gravity could be good.
foxtail-lavender ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:28:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians as written by J.C. "Wildbow" McCrae.
yinyang107 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:31:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Branon Sanderson's Harry Potter... wait, that's just Rithmatist.
godbois ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:33:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Cormac MacCarthy cover A Song of Ice and Fire.
D-AU79 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:34:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Island of Dr. Moreau by Michael Crichton the Bible by Neil Gaiman
EKUSUCALIBA ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:40:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Tingle's IT?
Edit: How bout Jurassic Park ala Chuck Tingle
An_Taoiseach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:06:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But are there enough dinosaurs?
EKUSUCALIBA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, why not make pennywise turn into a dinosaur and join the children orgy? Fuck me I just want a comedy version of IT.
PinguWithAnM ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:45:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paddington Bear series by Albert Camus
An_Taoiseach ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or to play off this, The Stranger covered by Victor Hugo
Neros_Fire_Safety ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore- The Heart of Darkness
Bedlambiker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You're either a genius or a madman. In either case, I like the way you think.
neonyanderehotdogz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:48:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by Elias Witherow
Masque of the Red Death by Stephen King
danielharrisdavis ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy does Slaughterhouse 5!
CliffordMoreau ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:50:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda off-the-wall answer, but Clive Barker's Daredevil: The Man Without Fear
ThrowawayHope777 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Naked Lunch"
twyste ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:31:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
god yes.
ohrocco ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:51:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Id imagine that giant squid attack would be terrifying yet riveting.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:53:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Robert Jordan cover the Lord of the Rings.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
mattb6014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hahaha
Aladayle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:57:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's 2001: A Space Odyssey
BearEater ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:58:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
*What to Expect when You're Expecting..." by China Mievelle
TeamMagmaGrunt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:59:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gillian Flynn's rendition of The Shining
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah, same idea. I think a lot of the ideas on here are people imagining cross-overs, vs. stylistic retellings of the same plot. McGuire create a bunch of mythology that wasn't (as far as I can tell) alluded to in the source material.
IndianaEtter ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:00:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bram Stoker's Eat Pray Love
iceman0486 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone has already had Harry Potter covered by Brandon Sanderson so instead, I'd like to see the Harry Potter world covered by Stephen Erikson.
OracleOfCheeses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would be all over those books. Erikson is a champion when it comes to writing fantasy cultures and grand scale plots. We would learn so much more about the world of magic and the other characters in the series.
najing_ftw ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brett Easton Ellis' Catcher in the Rye
allofthembile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:16:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A wave of nausea rolls over me when I remember I've leant my Armani cotton blouson to Ward Stradlater, a Pencey slob and probably a closet homosexual. He's dating Jane Gallagher, who is in love with me. I order a J&B highball, pop a Valium and pull the red Hermรจs deerstalker I bought that morning low over my eyes. Sunny asks me why I'm barring my teeth. I ignore her. There is an idea of a Holden Caulfield, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory. I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around. And I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, watching them run and fall off, small bodies on the sharp rocks below. And it kills me. It really does.
najing_ftw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe an aside about Benny Goodman
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's everything I never knew I wanted until this very moment
DarkAlessa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Edgar Allan Poe by Nabakov.
jmiller115 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was coming here to say Tolkien and the Bible but, it looks like everyone else beat me to it.
chrizdabizz ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:02:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss - 50 shades of Gray
HandsomedanNZ ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:03:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whinnies The Pooh by Dean Koontz.
Spyrulfyre ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Lord of the Rings".
Of course the film adaptation would have Tim Curry playing a fucked up golem.
SquaggleWaggle ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:04:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Tingle cover Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Frond_Dishlock ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This made what a Tintin done by Moebius would be like, -which I googled and found this. So I'm quite happy.
thefuckmobile ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Godfather.
seeteethree ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:06:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carl Hiaasen - hilarious writer - covers anything by Stephen King - great storyteller,
zablues ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Series of Unfortunate Events by Stephen King.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goosebump series by Stephen King
imapassenger1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Mark Twain.
Flail77 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:09:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeare's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
The edge of the desert foundeth we, A toke the line and my best man o'er it, When the sunshine narcotic strucketh And huge bats descendeth onto me.
NeoNoireWerewolf ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Cormac McCarthy.
oiliereuler ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carrie Fisher writes Pride and Prejudice.
oiliereuler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"But I cannot -- I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to any one. It has been most unconsciously done." I told Mr. Darcy confidently. But, I couldn't help but think, what worries me is, what if this guy is really the one for me and I just haven't had enough therapy yet for me to be comfortable with having found him. I mean, I thought you had to go to Iraq to get post traumatic stress disorder. And you do. But you can also just come on over to my house!
SucculentStanley ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:12:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Cixin Liu
DontOpenTilXmas ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:13:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any to contribute, but as someone who likes to write, I've always wanted to rewrite a few stories I love. Sometimes it's a comedy that I feel would be better as a drama/tragedy. Sometimes it's just wanting to add details or fix things I felt weren't done well.
I am really interested to read the replies here, this is a good question.
24h00 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a once a month quality-level question.
Endurable_Cheetah ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:15:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stand, by F Scott Fitzgerald..
OsKarMike1306 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:18:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Hunter S Thompson
Edit: On The Road by The Marquis de Sade, a fantastic adventure in which Sal becomes a serial killer picking up hitch hikers
pedone1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:19:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's green eggs and ham
Meatslinger ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:20:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight, as written by Hemingway.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:27:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
20,000 leagues under the sea covered by Michael Crichton
carlosforkane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fellow Michael Crichton fan.
cokevanillazero ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:27:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabokov covers Fight Club.
tastycakeman ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:28:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kerouac does Calvin and Hobbes.
I never knew I wanted that.
kcbh711 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by GRRM
helen_burns ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ah, you're a masochist
dustysquareback ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:43:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, this whole idea is kinda blowing my mind.
ShakuSwag ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Sawyer and the Adventure of Huckleberry Finn, by HP Love Craft.
Cisco904 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Kurt Vonnegut
the-chuckls ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:52:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heart of Darkness as presented by Shel Silverstein
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, from the eyes of the oompa loompas by Karl Marx
Moby Dick, Judy blume
tandemtactics ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:03:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
NeonArlecchino ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:05:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Adolf Hitler.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey written by Douglas Adams would be really funny, as he's someone really self-conscious, someone who can make fun of the absurdity of the situation he himself is writing.
Alternatively, every single J. R. R. Tolkien book as written by Andrzej Sapkowski.
Can_I_Read ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So many of these are dead authors covering works that came after them. That's not how covers work, people!
ThePerpetualErection ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:25:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Harry Potter
Magmaniac ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:30:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series done by G.R.R. Martin.
Manser50 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:01:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see Patrick Rothfuss cover The Way of Kings.
CroqueMitaine ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:02:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering The Wheel of Time.... Oh wait...
pineconeisland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:17:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kerouac covering Jane Eyre
spadababaspadinabus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:31:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's On The Road.
I'm not sure if the punctuation would be better or worse.
mothoc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Scalzi actually did this with Fuzzy Nation, originally written by H. Beam Piper.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuzzy_Nation
carolscat9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:37:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK rowlings Twilight
crabappless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If anyone here listens to metalcore, there's a band called Ice Nine Kills that made an entire album about popular novels such as Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde, Dracula etc.
henny1111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:38:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All Jane Austen re-written in first person. Her third person voice irritates me.
BetterThanOP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams version of almost anything.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Lord of the Rings
boothbygraffoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:41:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Imajica"
CptNonsense ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Silmarillion
Hy3na0ftheSea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Cold Blood covered by Chuck Palahniuk
ThisCagedGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM covering pride and predjudice. mix things up a little.
TheMutteringRetreats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by Percy Shelley rewritten by Hemingway and anything by Hemingway rewritten by Percy Shelley
KSU5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lee Child covering James Patterson would be AMAZING
atucker88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:48:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss's The Bible
successsoup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has happened a couple times in history. The first one I can think of is All for Love by John Dryden which is an imitation of Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra. There is also The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, which is a modern adaptation of Hamlet.
A non-shakespeare adaption is Voltaire's Oedipus script.
gamegyro56 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty hilarious that that's the first thing you can think of, when Shakespeare's play is already an imitation of an earlier story.
nicholas_nullus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nietzche's Finnegan's Wake.
Patrick Rothfuss's Aber Sprach Zarathustra.
John Michael Greer's The Slow Regard of Silent Things.
Karl Marx's blog posts.
assdwellingmnky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Inheritance Cycle.
stupid_trollz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's 11-22-63
pm-me-ur-shlong ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:45:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering the Sun Also Rises. I would cream my jeans!
Da_Cheeky_Boiii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Game of Thrones
lolexecs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
chuck palahniuk v. Blood Meridian
GaandKeAndhe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Notebook by Hunter S Thompson
lauded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But authors do cover novels. "Old Man's War" covers "The Forever War" which covered ...
rockinsamshouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
spacetime donuts by douglas adams the hitchhikers guide by nick cave
BrianBeNice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covering Harry Potter is the stuff dreams are made of.
wish_to_conquer_pain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H. P. Lovecraft's The Magic Mountain and Vladimir Nabokov's A Song of Ice and Fire series.
DarthToothbrush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually just read Neil Gaiman's cover of Norse Mythology. Was great.
jackaldude2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter - Frank Herbert
bootleg_pants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i would love to read a philip roth or john irving rewrite of one of fitzgerald's books like tender is the night or the great gatsby, set in the latter half of the 20th century. or a victorian horror like dorian gray or covered by neil gaiman (if his work isn't already near enough)
alexTACOpal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter s Thompson covers Macbeth
PlanesWalk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin Presents- Harry Potter and the Four Houses
timmyhawkins3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan's The Epic of Gilgamesh
quirkymonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin rewriting Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist."
I can't stand "The Alchemist," but I feel like it has so much potential for an enriched story in Martin's style to develop the message that "The Alchemist" portrays.
lemonyellowdavintage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick's Ubik covered by China Miรฉville. I would kill for that.
4YYLM40 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covering "Finnegan's Wake"
Dewot423 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Herman Melville's rendition of One Fish, Two Fish, Red fish, Blue fish.
Jazz_Ressox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's 50 shades of Grey. I suspect there will be more than only 50 shades.
doomparrot42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
N.K. Jemisin writes A Song of Ice and Fire.
mattb6014 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Starwars script by Shakespeare
Uncle_Skeeter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
None of them because covers ALWAYS sound like garbage.
ariethen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Herman Melville presents Harry Potter.
Who wouldn't want to read 400 pages devoted to how the world of Wizards work?
ApeTit4TwoHundred ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sort of relevant: I've said before that Markus Zusak's The Book Thief is basically To Kill a Mockingbird written by Kurt Vonnegut.
nit15713 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barkers version of Harry Potter
GogglesOn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss' rendition of Harry Potter
If he re-wrote the series like he is writing the King-Killer Chronicles (the main character/protagonist is telling the story after it happened in such legendary fashion it's like mythology) I think it would add a fun new twist to the already fantastic series.
Rick_from_C137 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covers the Lion the witch and the wardrobe
Fablemaster44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Harry Potter series
Jordan_the_Hutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Robin Hood"
actually Robin Hood is one of the few books that does get "covered" over and over again.
latenitelay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker re-doing Harry Potter
teamruski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades by GRRM
GastonBastardo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In which it is revealed that Christian Grey doesn't have any bizarre fetishes, but instead is a massive foodie.
shiftshapercat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.A. Salvatore's "Eragon."
OPs_other_username ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
cash: The Autobiography by Trent Reznor
BrandeX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This could actually be a thing with books that weren't super old if copyright law wasn't so bad.
PaJamieez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably getting buried but Neil Gaiman's, The Stranger. Better yet, Albert Camus' Neverwhere.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Chabon - The Great Gatsby
Sir_Meowstro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Langston Hughes's "Mein Kampf"
agentma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rainbow Rowell and Pride and Prejudice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering Moby-Dick
-clevernamehere- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martins Harry Potter
UsernameChickensOut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Wolfe's "Finnegans Wake".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The illiminatus! trilogy by douglas adams originally by robert anton wilson.
dossier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covers Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow.
Bean is still the best at everything he tries. He is still an orphan, mostly. But now there are curse words and an intricate web of interwoven stories and lore required to fight those aliens, possibly found hidden behind locked iPads.
Alfred_Mari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covering Dr. Seuss' books.
thevitalone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jk Rowling covers the Chronicles of Narnia
The_Karaethon_Cycle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martins Wheel of Time series.
MattTheFlash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Dickens' "A Song Of Ice And Fire"
karate_for_revenge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellis's "The Great Gatsby"
RobertLoblawAttorney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite an answer to your question, but I'd love to see Rothfuss write Martin's newest entry, and vice versa. Maybe a book would get finished!
kazog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings, covered by R.A Salvatore.
I mean, Tolkien IS an incredible author and an astonishing creator. But I cant stand his writing.
Naia99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Hunter S. Thompson
CallHimIshmael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Henry Miller's Moby Dick
An_Taoiseach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fitzgerald covers A Bell for Adano
Joyce covering anything by Hemingway
Jebus_Jones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Tingle - Pounded in the Butt by my Bible
Darnell5000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suzanne Collin's Battle Royale... oh wait.
yParticle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. Michael Straczynski's Lord of the Rings
catsatchel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remind me! 10 hours
CatTaxAuditor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Junot Diaz doing Harry Potter would be amazing.
doihavemakeanewword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams might make Anne of Green Gables or Withering Heights or other such classic girly novels readable.
copperbacala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bible dawg
_MothMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brian Lumley' s rendition of EverWorld
Not_A_Human_BUT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kerouac and my algebra textbook.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:07:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolstoy is off limits.
Not_A_Human_BUT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There would be weed. So much weed.
ibreakbathtubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Breaking Bad
UONTHG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham By George R.R. Martin.
I wonder if the ham would survive.
HonkyOFay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elmore Leonard's Don Quixote
iampaperclippe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Secret by Mark Z Danielewski
breakersnim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pat Rothfuss "the lord of the rings"! Maybe I could finally survive reading through Tom Bombadil...
Sorael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steve King's version of "American Gods"
_Flake_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin covers the Twilight saga.
It would be about 50 pages long and the world would be a better place.
craven183 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shadow Over Innsmouth as told by Ray Bradbury
steventylerbray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see R.A. Salvatore do LOTR.
Can't stand the way Tolkien writes, but love Salvatore's style.
asamorris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski's Inferno
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Dune.
SwingYourSidehack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Macbeth as told by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.!
jawertown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm just watching the upvotes climb and climb, damn this is a good question
SpanglesMcGlorywings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin does "50 shades of Gray" or the "Goosebumbs" series
CSMastermind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read a Neil Gaiman rendition of Redwall.
neanderhummus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Herman Melville and not the other way around.
Kraymur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Distopian novel re-written by philosophers on different ends of the spectrum, would be neat to see their opinion and how their branch of thinking effects their creative process.
DrMrProfessor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zagat, 2017 Edition by Charles Manson
Frond_Dishlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's, The Little Prince would be interesting.
enotonom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club (Haruki Murakami cover)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Catcher in the Rye written by Albert Camus.
Basically the same book except with more apathy and cigarettes.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormic McCarthy's Paradise Lost
JCkent42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R R Martin.
gametemplar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering China Mieville's The City and the City.
Neal Stephenson's take on The DaVinci Code.
George R.R. Martin covers R.A. Salvatore's Homeland.
gonzagylot00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabokov writes Revolutionary Road
c0rrupt82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, by Hunter S. Thompson
gonzagylot00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnugut writes Ubik.
jack_of_knaves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson - Fahrenheit 451
Inversely, Ray Bradbury - Neuromancer
NonaSuomi282 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes and fuck yes. Actually, I'd also love to have seen what Asimov might have done with cyberpunk themes. Maybe not Neuromancer specifically, but certainly something in that vein, especially with a fusion between his robotics stories and the cyberpunk ideas regarding transhumanism. It's kinda cheating the question a bit by mixing media, but maybe something like "Asimov covers Stand Alone Complex".
hauty-hatey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any writer who is good with plot structure, character, and dialogue covering a Greg Egan book.
He builds amazing worlds, but his skills as a writer are increasingly dying off. The setting and concepts are fantastic, but the stories really need some style and power in execution.
JonMuadDib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dune" by RR Martin
Paratwa ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:14:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hah! Subtle...
gonzagylot00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Patterson writes Infinite Jest
video-kid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Poppy Z. Brite do Twilight.
My main issue with Twilight (In addition to the questionable characters and unhealthy relationships which remain unhealthy as opposed to evolving in any way shape or form into one I could support, or even overlook) is that she neutered the vampires completely to make them good in the first place. Poppy Z. Brite could really bring the characters alive and make them likeable while simultaneously avoiding a situation where they're completely defanged.
I'd also love to see Chuck Palahniuk take on Pontypool Changes Everything. I absolutely adored the movie and I was excited when I found out there was a book, but it's literally not only one of the worst books I've ever attempted to read, it's shocking that it even inspired the movie in anything but the core concept. Palahniuk knows how to do an experimental novel and still have you gripped, (bar the occasional misfire such as Pygmy), and I think he could do a phenomenal job, because as it is Pontypool is barely readable. I didn't know what Peter Griffin meant when he said that The Godfather insists upon itself until I tried to read that book, it's so self-indulgent and it's convinced that being original or clever precludes it from the need to tell a story that actually makes you want to read it.
AlbertaBoundless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM "Harry Potter"
Ganondorf2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of course a lot of people keep saying "Fifty Shades of Grey" by whomever, but I think Oscar Wilde would do an interesting job.
also, "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" by Ayn Rand
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin doing Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass would be worth the read.
serpentsevensix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Matthew Reilly
QwertymanJim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill Bryson - The Hobbit
dontdropthesopo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Erickson does Eragon
Avizand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf, written by Mr. Rogers.
CptHammer_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Authors have been covering novels for a long time.
SereneLloydBraun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining by Dave Barry.
6r3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss writes the wheel of time. In stead of the Cat in the hat, its the Dragon and Matt.
draneceusrex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice and 50 Shades of Grey
chewsfromgum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Martin Twilight
pez78guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen, 50 Shades of Gray
UdzinRaski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read a GRRM written Bernard Cornwell's Sharpe story. Or maybe a companion series about the French side. It's still in his wheelhouse but Napoleonic rather than medieval.
taybul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by GRRM.
Frond_Dishlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Asimov's) The Foundation Trilogy, by George, R. R. Martin.
CarnivorArte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Pooh by David Foster Wallace
shaiapitou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Dr. Seuss (assuming we can choose deceased authors)
Formerly_Dr_D_Doctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite the same, but I'd love for Bill Watterson to do a graphic novel of To Kill a Mockingbird
Swibblestein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read anything that Steven Brust covered, honestly.
barbellbarista ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM version of Harry Potter. Half the characters would be dead by the end of the first book. Series would end with only 1 side character alive to rebuild Hogwarts.
karter0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses' The Hunger Games
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Emil Cioran covers Nietzsche's Beyond Good & Evil.
JakeyMcSwain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of "The Bible"
The_Shog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ctrl+F "Harry Potter"
26 matches.
baldur615 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hitchhikers guide books as done by the authors of the warhammer 40k books.
possumbuster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lee Child covering Harry Potter series.
Harry said nothing.
ihlaking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by Thomas Harris.
BagelsMan_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by F Scott Fitzgerald
Katzenhaft13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the Harry Potter books, gorily redone and made deeper and more realistically plausible (less kiddy bs, more realistic like Insomnia) by Stephen King
bhd55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace does Goodnight Moon.
ASK_IF_IM_BOB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The BFG - E.L.James (Author of 50 Shades)
NachoStamps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "The Bible"
Or
Stephen King's "Anne of Green Gables"
Franknog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Feed by Stephen King. A post-central-nervous-system-integrated social media apocalyptic society originally from the point of view of a teenager, through the lens of one of the most brilliant horror authors of our time.
MauiJim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Bill O'Reilly
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
NonaSuomi282 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Come to think of it, I'd be interested to see John cover a whole swathe of books. Basically any book I'd put on this list I could easily advocate for seeing what he'd do with it.
OrderlyToaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cory Doctorow and 1984
jellatubbies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin writing Shakespeare screenplays.
Just to see how similar they'd be.
Kendermassacre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Frank's take on Fifty Shades of Grey
rimmy789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:13:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess' version of 50 Shades of Grey
Foehammer87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's Harry Potter
Joe Abercrombie's Lord of the Rings, Wheel of Time
machinawriter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Shadow Over Innsmouth by Neil Gaiman
The_Fad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dunno if I can do just one. I think I would MOST look forward to reading Under The Dome by David Foster Wallace (originally by Stephen King).
The book already lends itself to a DWF treatment at least marginally due to the large amount of characters, but forcing DFW to contain his story to one location (albeit a very large location) would have an interesting effect on his style. In addition I think he would drop the storyline regarding where the dome came from entirely, choosing instead to focus entirely on the character interaction and the decay of this now isolated society.
Not that King doesn't already do that, of course. I just think it would be different. It would have a more sinister feeling but without merit. Like when you're watching a horror movie and you KNOW a jump scare is coming and then they intentionally don't jump scare you. That feeling of ALMOST getting the satisfaction of having your anticipation resolved but never actually getting it.
I think I might be a literary masochist.
SoulFire6464 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker and Stephen King collaborating on a rewrite of Marley and Me.
Hung_On_A_Monday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King paid homage to John Steinbeck's "Of Mice And Men" with his novel "Blaze", written under his Richard Bachman pseudonym.
The_Taco_Miser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's "Starship Troopers"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do: West Side Story, cover of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
johnbasedow2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain writes To Kill a Mockingbird
MagicLeafFormula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert does Hitchhiker's Guide
Douglas Adams does Dune
mithoron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Twilight
The entire love story becomes a sub-plot of acts 1 and 2 of the first book and then continues the world for 3000 years of history.
DarthVeX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's DUNE series.
I have a feeling that Paul Muad'dib won't survive the first novel.
XavierBananaglassVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' "it"
urish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
futurekorps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seveneves, by George RR Martin.
ProfessorWednesday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. Ulysses by James Joyce is sort of a cover of The Odyssey
malonkey1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman's, well, nearly everything. Top contenders are Harry Potter, Star Wars, the Bible, and Lord of the Rings.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G. R. R. Martin's The Stand
...and as the book concluded, time ceased to be.
merupu8352 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Dean Koontz
NR258Y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Harry Potter.
You would know all the ins and out of wizarding politics, and intrigue.
binary_brain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gray's Anatomy by Bill Cosby
egrandhustle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Godfather - Jacqueline Wilson
The Handmaid's Tale - J. K. Rowling
RayBrower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincolnย by Shel Silverstein
mrdoody55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's 1984.
modestthoughts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering the Dark Tower series.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "East of Eden"
magictheblathering ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM doing Harry Potter.
RevengeWalrus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut doing The Sun Also Rises. Or Vonnegut doing The Dead Zone. Or Vonnegut doing Sense and Sensibility.
Shit, I'd read Vonnegut covering basically any novel that takes itself seriously.
stapletonbtch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of those questions that when I read it, it geeks me out so much it just makes me happy. Its so perfect I can't come up with an eloquent enough answer.
kyp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will Self did this with Dorian. It's pretty neat.
LotsOfButtons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R R Martin
Frond_Dishlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeare's, Sherlock Holmes.
Captainpopololo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonegut's cover of The Circle
Leentrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The entire Harry Potter series written by George R.R. Martin
Deathisrebirth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All Chthule mythos covered by Stephen King.
Solared88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mario Puzo does "A Song of Ice and Fire"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's : 50 Shades of Gray
DuneNine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trump's Mein Kampf
Huwbacca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't read fiction so these all seem like good answers but I have no idea!
PM_ME_YOUR_CHARIZARD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft's Series of Unfortunate Events
CoderDevo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huckleberry Finn by Steve Martin
DoubleJumps ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter is kinda J.K. Rowling's cover of Gaiman's Books of Magic.
Rhodie114 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Jordan's A Memory of Light. RIP
Tminozaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin. We'd get more perspectives than just Harry and get a really deep in-depth understanding of the wizarding world.
toddhowardshrine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anthony Burgess' "Trainspotting"
TheHangedKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce doing anything by Lovecraft
Xcruser88x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catcher in the Rye by David Foster Wallace.
mcasper96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that fanfiction?
mcafc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's Mein Kampf
Switzerland87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh god. That would get weird. Would it be in German?
Chebias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss 50 shades series
Black_Sex_Eagle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic Park by Terry Pratchett.
roshane69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A series of unfortunate events by Stephen King
heywalt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gabriel Garcia Marquez 'The Great Gatsby'.
Propaganda4Dinner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM covering the Dark Tower
...... mainly because of all the anticipation, as I imagine I'd still be waiting, in a nursing home, for old folks, for it to finally be published
tapehissfromthetrees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's "Confederacy of Dunces", Tom Robbins' "Infinite Jest" or Hunter S. Thompson' "On the Road."
Babyhouse01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings "Goosebumps"
josssskidding ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jonathan Franzen, The Godfather
weaveacircle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Authors do this a lot! Zadie Smith's On Beauty is a cover of E.M. Forster's Howards End; Kamel Daoud's The Mersault Investigation is a cover of Camus' The Stranger; Maryse Conde's Windward Heights is a cover of Wuthering Heights; Russell Banks' Rule of the Bone is a cover of Huckleberry Finn; Geoff Dyer's book Jeff in Venice, Death in Varanasi is a cover of Mann's Death in Venice (duh); Carnival by Robert Antoni is a cover of Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises; Coetzee's Foe is a cover of Robinson Crusoe... Not to mention The Hunger Games and Battle Royale, or Ulysses and The Odyssey, or any of a bunch of others with looser ties.
source: syllabus for the class I took on this last semester.
ughhim83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want George RRMartin to cover Harry Potter.
Chicken-n-Waffles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens more than you think in other mediums.
Oscar Wilde wrote Salome in French, then a play was written from that and then Strauss wrote an Opera.
There's quite a few examples of that.
wickedzen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's, IT.
Kyttraka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see a Robin Hobbs "The Assassins Apprentice" and I guess all the following books too covered by George RR Martin. Or vice versa both the worlds are super interesting to me, I think that I would be pretty cool.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft's Goosebumps.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flannery O'Connor covering Dostoevsky.
Chunkstroke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if Bill O Reilly's the Art of the Deal.
3xTheSchwarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harold Bloom rewrites the King James Bible
Great-Heart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sun Tsu's 'The Art of the Deal'
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This question is so great that I don't feel like I can come up with an answer that's good enough
A_Twigs_Has_Appeared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Georgen R R martins harry potter. That bitch died the night voldemort said the words.
p3t3r133 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Twilight
Switzerland87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
See Also: Salem's Lot
I feel like they'd tie in nicely.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
by
C. S. Lewis
Wasatch97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's, The Fountainhead, as told by Kurt Vonnegut
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson's "Brave New World?"
rtkr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's take on the Old Testament
thatguyonfacebook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Goosebumps"
The thought of every situation becoming weirder or more horrifying than it really is is an unnerving thought
frogzop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Redwall"
atticdoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a novel, but geneticist Steve Jones did a modern update of Origin of Species called "Almost Like a Whale".
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Greg Egan's Permutation City. Great idea, poor writing style.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pynchon covering Joyce's Ulysses.
WetNasty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's version of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Mr_Industrial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quite literally anyone's "At the Mountains of Madness"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Irvine Welsh's The Trial
Thatseemsright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For anyone interest McSweeny's new issue coming out is doing exactly this with short stories.
Profdiddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it should have to be living authors doing the 'covering.' King covers Tolkien or George R.R. Martin covers The Dark Tower series.
old_graag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick and Moby Dick... Two many dicks?
Tel_Janin_Aellinsar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Jordan's A Memory of Light
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Borges has some short stories inspired by other authors. I like his version of lovecraft more than regular lovecraft.
SensualSundays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson Red Mars
superfly306 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Man Who Folded Himself by Isaac Asimov
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormack McCarthy covers Dr Seus, Cat in the Hat.
spiderman_666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Star Wars.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien is already the most coveted novelist ever. There is a whole group/company/whatever of novels by different authors called Forgotten Realms that is almost all Tolkien setting with different characters. Also, a lot of it is a ton of fun, I love me some RA Salvatore.
NonaSuomi282 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
FR is a D&D setting, and as such it's pretty much explicitly derivative of Tolkien to begin with.
AGruber73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suzanne Collins, Battle Royale
MAK911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Series Of Unfortunate Events by Stephen King. Let's see where this goes.
-Redacto-- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George MacDonald Fraiser, The Bible.
jarail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Douglas Adams rewrite of the bible would be up there with Life of Brian.
dyeeyd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Lucas: LOTR
rsauchuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't like orcs. They're coarse and irritating and they get everywhere.
Yadid1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Metro 2033 by Andrzej Sapkowski.
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's recreation of Shakespeare's tragedies. Think how epic Hamlet, Julius Caesar, and even the tempest would be!
Dimakhaerus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They are already epic, I would be more interested in A Song of Ice and Fire written by Shakespeare!
canthinkofaname1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss' Animal Farm
death_smells_funny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Suess covers "50 Shades of Grey"
Duplicitous2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jarhead by Erich Maria Remarque.
_AFX_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Daniel Steele.
BoogTKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin presents The Fault in Our Stars.
DoctorCybil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey, by Stephen king.
DoctorCybil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or alternatively, Harry potter by Chuck tingle. "Pounded in the butt by the sorcerers stone"
ilovemybirdy9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Ronald Dahl, The Outsiders by J.K. Rowling, Memoirs of a Gesha by Mitch Albom, or The Wizard of Oz by Stephen King!
Edited: Damn mobile.
AmarieLuthien ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this sort of done though? With stuff like 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' and fan fiction/parody novels and the like?
RubyBop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nicholas Sparks covers IT.
Dmont_of_Canada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of war by Donald trump
bowmanc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
On the Road by Cormac McCarthy
Edit: I suppose I thought of this bc of similar title but i still think it'd be a great rendition
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams - Game of Thrones
Corpsehatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As in the series would be finished by now?
silviazbitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing in Dublin- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson covering Joyce's Ulysses
Chanceifer0666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune
AdylinaMarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writing 50 Shades of Grey. Then it may have some actual BDSM in there.
Baeblayd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like a JK Rowling Twilight would be amazing.
BiologyIsHot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Steinbeck - Lord of the Rings
Now with 300% more description of the Hobbits walking.
YNot1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard K. Morgan's Mars Trilogy
show_me_tacos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covering The Wheel of Time. Not so much for the killing, but I would like to see his spin on things
cayoloco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The "Communist Manifesto" re-mixed by Adolf Hitler.
YouGottaKillYourMind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lightning Thief by George R. R. Martin
JimDiego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore's retelling of Moby Dick would be awesome.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
CrazyDave48 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is embarrassing to admit, but when I was in middle school, I tried to read the Lord of the Rings but hated the way he wrote so much (please forgive me!) I actually searched to find if anyone rewrote it in a different style.
I now love the series 10+ years later and don't exactly know why I couldn't stand it back then, but I think it's a very interesting topic that should be explored.
Corpsehatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's writing style would not even be published today. Parts of the story take place at the same time but are separated by hundreds of pages.
machine667 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark Tower series by Terry Pratchett
or
Confederacy of Dunces by David Foster Wallace
SJMoore86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Kings: Meg series. I think it'd be interesting on the pre existing story.
liekwaht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams, Dune
cwade84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want authors to do this!! I would totally read the same books by different authors just to get their take!
SXECrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harlan Ellison's Life of Pi or Harlan Ellison I.Robot, it's basically I have no mouth and I must scream but before AM takes over.
richardwonka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's interpretation of Stranger in a Strange Land.
DangerousRanger21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Scarlet Letter or The Great Gatsby
thatdudejustin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maya Angelou's The Hunt For Red October
chilliblack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Garth Ennis does goosebumps.
loose_skittles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami's The Great Gatsby
Wonderingwanderr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edith Wharton's take on Twilight.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covering Gaiman's Coraline. Im sure he'd purve that up real good.
Garth-Vader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Allen Ginsberg's "Goodnight Moon"
zoodisc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy does Heart of Darkness...
pocopiumeno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raymond Chandler (The Big Sleep and other OG noir books) rewrites To Kill a Mockingbird.
monkeyhammar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harlan Ellisons' A 2001 Space Odyssey.
Unklefat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"IT" covered by Thomas Ligotti "East of Eden" covered by Stephen King
ZTF_Artorias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight covered by H.P. Lovecraft
kidfe1on ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F. Scott Fitzgerald's, 1984.
Or East of Eden by Douglas Adams
ZoiSarah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything in Harry Potter universe written by Michael Crichton.
you'd have a good story, but inevitably a character would get injured/loopy and go on long theoretical rants/tangents about the deeper science (magic?) of what our characters are experiencing
acquabob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering Macbeth.
William Shakespeare covering Gravity's Rainbow. It's not as if that'll make it clearer, right?
Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons writing/illustrating Ulysses by James Joyce, or the Songs of Innocence and Experience by William Blake.
Finally, Bret Easton Ellis covering The Sun Also Rises, by Hemingway. Just imagine how insane that would be.
Pynchon covering literally anything would be quite fantastic. Oh wait: Pynchon covering Catch-22!
EDIT: added Pynchon and Catch-22, because seriously, it'd be intense.
WhatsAMisanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yann Martel's The Life of Pi
WhatsAMisanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
(Because he already ripped it off...)
shutupjoey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Miller's Old Testament. So much violence.
ineedtoknowmorenow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember a few books were "remixed" pride and prejudice with zombies comes to mind ofcourse
KiNgLEmOnDrOp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's The Art of the Deal
Tom Clancy's Junie B Jones
Dostoyevsky's Harry Potter-- Avada Kedavra rebounding is all about Voldemort's attempt to hide from his own guilt. He ultimately turns himself in.
radio1nowhere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This situation sort-of happens in the real world! Authors sometimes write tributes to prior authors that are set in the prior author's world. See, for example: Songs of the Dying Earth, a collection of short stories by various authors (edited by none other than George R.R. Martin), written in the style of Jack Vance's famous "The Dying Earth." Each story feels a little bit like Vance and a little bit like the actual author -- it's pretty cool.
PoopNoodlez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adam's Harry Potter
throwawaypkemontrade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief"
xtreemediocrity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My biography by g.r.r.m.
HumanityAscendant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien covering the Harry Potter universe would be amazing, i think.
DrippyWaffler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Officially the best askreddit question in history.
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's versions of Goosebumps. I never thought they were scary enough, but I imagine SK would make them amazing.
Aspaceotter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R Martin's cover of Harry potter.
Sullibang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a fascinating concept.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why isn't this a thing!?!?!
Time_Traveling_Hobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When you realize you don't read enough books to enjoy this thread.
colonelbutt123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orwells Great Gatsby
Bravoflysociety ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phillip Roth covering Holes.
rottyrantsail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RL Stine covers the complete works of Edgar Allan poe " Quoth the Dummy nevermore "
tronfunkenbowls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's "hitchhikers guide to the galaxy"
Elfkingthe1st ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Winnie the Pooh
m-p-3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov presents Westworld, even though I really like what Michel Crichton wrote. Just seeing Asimov's version would be quite a ride.
Xcruser88x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Saunders' Fahrenheit 451.
realdealcreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace -- 1984
mobit80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lee Child writing Dune. Less politics, more fighting.
Or Orson Scott Card writing the communist manifesto.
Gaius_Octavius_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wonder if there are people who "remix" movies and books like they do with music.
I have seen people make "mock movie trailers" to change the tone and topic of a movie. I would imagine a more creative person than me could do the whole thing and come up with something really interesting that made you look at the original different too.
EDIT: Just remembered that "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist" parody movie from a few years ago. Like that but more seriously done, not a total jokeโฆ
little_z ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft's "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's "Jurassic Park."
DrSpacemanSpliff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's The Great Gatsby
LegendOfDylan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Secret by Jack Kerouac
leftoverrice54 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespear's Game of Thrones
DingJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Robbins covering Kerouac's 'On The Road', Chuck Palahniuk covering Cormac McCarthy's 'The Road'.
feench ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any author that can write a book in under 5 years - ASOIAF
DevilzAdvocat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's cover of the Game of Thrones series.
lhedn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The faster edition of Count of Monte Cristo.
AltarNetAccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson rewrites Much Ado About Nothing. Sex, drugs, conspiracy, and something akin to unexpected love.
Coast2CoastTo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by George R. R. Martin.
JacobSteed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
L Ron Hubbard covers the Bible!
hjschrader09 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers Harry Potter
rattatatouille ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finnegan's Wake, by John Green.
Urbanviking1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
CanYouFeelIt_MrK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
PG Wodehouse covering I,Robot and Issac Asimov covering anything PG Wodehouse wrote
partofbreakfast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Sherlock Holmes" as written by Naomi Novik.
Adding dragons to the mix is bound to make things even more interesting.
griffmeister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's "The Dark Tower"
Buttplugmcgeeboobies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Harry Potter
jackruby83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's The Princess Bride.
ulmxn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Witching Hour by Anne Rice. If there ever was a series I'd want a re-write of, it'd be the Lasher series. I love Anne Rice, but her descriptions of mid-eighties New Orleans just go on for way too long.
jewleek44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's 50 Shades of Grey
rafajafar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling's "A Wrinkle in Time"
Ponz314 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams and Fyodor Dostoyevsky switch writing Hitchhiker's Guide and Crime and Punishment.
nahtans95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adam's Crime and Punishment would be fucking spectacular. That book is just asking for some dry wit
bullbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman Harry Potter series, or Neil Gaimans Jurassic Park
InitiallyAnAsshole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K Dick does Enders Game
fjmakindatmoney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown presents: a Stephen King tale, The Dark Tower
(I got too excited and didn't read the "would you be most excited to read" part. But fuck it, I'll leave this up. I'd read it anyway. Angry and insulted is a kind of excited, right?)
themikeswitch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King doing the final Harry Potter book
i-kant_even ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oscar Wilde's A Midsummer Night's Dream (or any of Shakespeare's comedies, really)
Edubs42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkein writing Martin books and vice versa
dopiertaj ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adam's version of the Divine Comedy.
kapuskapse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey
tornado_fruit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers green eggs and ham
RegularSpaceJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown's Twilight.
DrManik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM does Lord of the Rings.
You could say something snarky about how he wouldn't finish it, but it would be interesting to see what twists he could give to the various races.
jlevnhv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm almost to afraid to imagine what Chuck Palahniuk would've done with the kids in Ender's Game.
Palazard95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George RR Martin
Switzerland87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Telltale Heart
_enuma_elish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see "Out of the Silent Planet" by Robert Chambers. Or any of the books in that trilogy. They're interesting but they err on the preachy side, and I'd rather be preached at about something resembling cosmic horror than a "loving" entity.
TheHolyCommentor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martins Harry Potter series
tiskit_taskit_casket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Memoirs of a Geisha by Anne Rice.
thebestisyetocome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss writes the Wheel of Time books.
Squibblus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catch-22, by Terry Pratchett
sirgalahad762 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Hobbit" by Herman Melville.
DMike82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's A Song of Ice and Fire
J. R. R. Tolkien's Lord of the Flies
George R. R. Martin's The Wheel of Time (that Last Battle's never coming!)
SwampThang13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's "Percy Jackson and The Olympians" series. I would love to see Jim's gritty writing in that universe.
Tomkid88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K Rowling rewriting the hobbit
UrNotAMachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's War & Peace
MrZtheKING ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carl Hiassen covering "Breathing Underwater" by Alex Flinn. The book is basically teenage drama, except there is a really great storyline and plot to it. I'm pretty picky to books, but I'm pretty sure Hiassen would do a great job covering it.
sentient_silence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut version of "a wrinkle in time"
sound_forsomething ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher and the Rye by Cormac McCarthy
limooutfront ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOTR - GRRM GOT - Tolkein
Geofferic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gaiman covers Tolkien.
GRR Martin covers Tolkien.
CS Friedman covers Tolkien.
Actually, just anyone decent covering Tolkien.
Relendis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Tom Clancy book covered by Robert Ludlum or Matthew Reilly.
I'm picturing President Jack Ryan fighting terrorists on Air Force One.... so pretty much Air Force One the movie.
KhaosElement ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really I'd want to see some sort of mashup of Brent Weeks, Joe Abercrombie and Jim Butcher.
Three favorite authors working together? Hell yeah.
Garth-Vader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Karl Marxs, Steven King, George R.R Martin, and H.P Lovecraft. Just pick one of these four and any book to appeal to the widest audience.
virtualprince ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King covering the second Harry Potter book
djmyernos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C. S. Lewis covers LotR.
ManWolf9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami's "Slaughterhouse Five"
Codewill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King with any Choose Your Own Adventure novel
PolarisDiB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love for Alan Moore to do a cover of Transmetropolitan and Warren Ellis to do a cover of Watchmen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Lord of the Rings would be incredible.
aether_tech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.A. Salvatore covers Lord of the Rings.
Smokeyrainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin- Harry potter
tripwire7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like this idea. The same story would be told, but with a different "flavor" or twist on it.
TheQuasimodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bin Laden's "Mein Kamph"
SarahAlicia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Price of Salt by Sarah Waters.
Waters and Highsmith are so similar (crime, murder, lesbians) but Waters is happy and Highsmith never was.
sh_sh_should_the_guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Kennedy Toole's "The Art of the Deal."
my_name_is_not_nigel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dictionary by Shakespeare
...oh wait
JizzyTeaCups ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know most of these are jokes, but I'd genuinely would love to see "Schindlers List" written by Joseph Heller (of "Catch 22" fame).
I think it would be fascinating to see such a moving story told in a nonlinear fashion with a heavy dose of irony and dark humor.
Other than that I have no idea why those two popped in my head.
RequiemAA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's 'The Wheel of Time'
AboynamedDOOMTRAIN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But...
RequiemAA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know. thatsthejoke.jpeg
Xcruser88x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catch 22 by David Foster Wallace.
Saturdays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's version of Harry Potter
QuistInTheVille ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hatchet series
theconfuserx2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump covers the Art of War
Dragoness42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR martin covering the Hunger Games. Or any really good writer, for that matter. Those novels had A+ story ideas with C level writing at best.
Herbal_Oprah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowlings Game of Thrones series
fartonmyballsforcash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rob Gronkowski's An Inconvenient Truth
"And I was at this party with 69 girls and somebody said 'global warming is killing all the polar bears' and I was all like 'that's so sad bro!'"
thebestisyetocome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss rewriting Wheel of Time.
Windraiderz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Witcher series by Rick Riordan
druecoral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, but it has to be a parody.
UncleDaddy666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy does Harry Potter
roghozin846 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal, by Donald Trump
ToaOfBacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kind of want to see Larry Niven's take on the Foundation series, but the lack of opportunities for alien/human sexual relations would probably drive him crazy.
patowarheart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually a thing with translations. There are your unknown translations which are ok. Then there are translations of specialists or famous authors. A very good example is the translations of every Lovecraft short story by Julio Cortazar.
Watchadoinfoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut tackles on The Hunger Games
Burns31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Max Brooks (author of World War Z)
You could have so many cool interview-style accounts from people not directly associated with the Fellowship, but still part of the events of the books. How cool would it be to hear a first-hand account from a surviving Uruk-Hai about the battle of Helm's Deep, or a soldier of Gondor about his experience during the siege of Minas Tirith?
filipelm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do comic books count? Because this already happened to The Walking Dead.
It's an online issue by Bran K. Vaughan, showing whatever happened to Rick's brother when the apocalypse started. The setting is Barcelona and the art is gorgeous.
jlevnhv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War by George RR Martin.
psychoticdream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Harry Potter"
George R R Martin's "Dune"
Joseph Heller's "American Gods"
J. K. Rowling's "Game of Thrones"
Neil Gaiman's." The wheel of time"
ThisIsTheMilos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covers the Berenstain Bears.
lavender_moonlight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's "The Cat in the Hat"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunt for the red October covered by Douglass Preston and Lincoln Child
pea_nix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by literally anyone at this point. James Joyce's animated corpse. An actual room full of monkeys and typewriters. "Blinter is coming."
closetsquirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read Cormac McCarthy covering Stephen King's The Mist, but actually fleshing it out into a full novel.
I-seddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd LOVE to see Chuck Palahniuk do Lord of the Rings.
...the first rule of the fellowship
TuffGenius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martins - the lorax
Schlartibartfarscht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Douglas Adams.
robertt_g ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket covers 50 Shades of Grey.
heretowastelife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by GRRM
wasteland_bastard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmmm, I wonder who would be the Steel Panther equivalent of the writing and novel world...
nihilismdelux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Philip K Dick.
famalamo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cirque Du Freak by George R. R. Martin.
It was a great children's series, but it had so much more potential as an adult series. It's fairly gruesome as it is, actually.
But it needs more rape, I think.
BklynWhovian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Charlotte's Web
devilsrevolver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patton Oswalt and Patrick Rothfus writing Good Omens.
Xlukethemanx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Samuel L Jackson's "The Grapes of Wrath"
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's version of Twilight would make it infinitely better if he made it a tragedy.
Saavedro117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss covering Huxley's "Brave New World"
BlackHeadBrownHands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark danielewski writes the razor's edge
IamaScaleneTriangle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov's "The Odyssey"
boothmfzb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams take on It, by Stephen King
or
Phillip K Dick covering Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
sammyakaflash ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to hear a different take on King's The Stand.
rerescene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"A Clockwork Orange" according to Dr. Seuss
Imbatmansidekick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I need to read more
Reality_Sandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read any cover of Catch-22!
Yatta99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell - Charlotte's Web
gameplayuh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Odyssey, by George RR Martin. This time you'll care when (spoiler alert) all of Odysseus' friends die
RainbowShrapnel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DUNE by Neil Gaiman.
Wrest216 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Grapes of Wrath by Earnest Hemmingway
allofthembile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami on Harry Potter might be fun.
Rabidleopard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martins cover of the Never Ending Story.
Spud999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roger Hargreaves covers the Bourne series
davq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Where the Wild Things Are. And/or Neil Gaiman's take on it.
bamboo_boogie_boots_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter s Thompson great gatsby
Switters410 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:30:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher in the Rye by David Foster Wallace.
bamgrinus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covers Rabbit, Run.
theonlydidymus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alduos Huxley's cover of 1984.
708-910-630-702 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman - The Bible
AuniqueUsername69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Go dog go by Robert Bloch
odstlover ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writing the count of Monte Cristo but I wouldn't live to see it knowing him.
nickswisk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alexander Hamilton's mien kampf
Voidlyness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Prince by Tolkien
Switters410 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The 4-hour Work Week by Malcolm Gladwell.
nvbombsquad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown covering "Illiad" and "Odyssey"
dlcheng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss: "50 Shades of Grey"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining by Gillian Flynn
Thrillavanilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Time Machine by GRRM
freddyfreak1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Jungle by Glenn Beck
Go_Habs_Go31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since everything else has been mentioned, I'll say Samuel Beckett - Winnie the Pooh in the style of Waiting for Godot.
ddddbones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dumas does Stranger in a strange land
iansch243 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F Scott Fitzgerald's rendition of the hunger games. I always liked his writing style but he wrote about the most boring shit.
heyryandavid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Gray - Bret Easton Ellis
Foxxyedarko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin presents... Harry Potter
Mumfo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E. L. James covering Harry Potter
SyncTek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of the books by Jane Austen are covered to death. I think they even have a Jane Austen zombie version.
wolfgeist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Neuromancer" as covered by Cormac McCarthy
Frankfusion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's The Watchmen
weelluuuu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeff Koons the bible
Aragorn1284 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great Expectations covered by Norton Juster
ConfirmsSuspicions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Goosebumps"
qpwner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L. Stein's "The Martian" --chose your own Mars survival
SgtTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Game of Thrones.
CarpeMofo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Dune as written by John Scalzi.
drillbot20 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hmmmm J.K Rowling's cover of the Percy Jackson series.
boothmfzb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dave Barry covering Beyond Good and Evil
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think GRRM doing 50 Shades would be pretty crazy just based on how much detail he gets into.
a_toy_soldier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cow Jumped Over the Moon by Hunter S Thompson
PhobosIsDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It might be nice to see Harry Turtledove write a Gaunt's Ghosts novel; he does a very good job of setting the world up.
MetadonDrelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hawking's "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" it would just be scribbles, but an entertained read none the less
Iamquest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Fifty Shades of Grey
IamDa5id ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a set of teen novels when I was a kid called the Incarnations of Immortality by Piers Anthony. Book one was about a guy who kills the grim reaper and is forced to take over the job.
I always wondered what someone like Anne Rice would have done with that story.
tjsr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahls "The cat in the Hat".
Paul Jennings "There and back again".
Lewis Wolpert's "Gullivers Travels".
John Marsdens "Twilight". ... wait...
nvbombsquad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Brief Account Of World History by Douglas Adams (i dunno if any such book exists but i would give anything to read world history in Adams' hilarious style)
keytar_gyro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Cussler's The Odyssey
Or Joseph Heller's The Iliad
robot_invader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:33:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Dark Tower
Drama_Derp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't Salman Rushdie try this with The Satanic Verses?
bbonthec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Jane Austen version of Twilight might actually be worth reading.
A Shakespeare cover of The Canterbury Tales would be infinitely easier to understand, and would likely have become the definitive edition.
But more than anything, I would just really, really like to have a bunch of classic Dungeons & Dragons adventure modules rewritten by Robert E. Howard.
redzimmer ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:38:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seconded. Solomon Kane in White Plume Mountain!
bbonthec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Conan in The Lost City!
2LinfinityAndBeyond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Inheritance/Eragon series
otatopamot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dr seuss, game of thrones
AEVENOM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I haven't read too many authors yet but I'd love a darker, more cruel Harry Potter series. One where Harry and the others use fatal spells etc.
encadence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Percy Jackson and The Olympians
GamingSandwich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of Christie Golden's "The Dark Templar" series of Starcraft novels.
lancea_longini ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore / Jesus
chinabull86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's "IT"
poorlyObfuscated ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Bleak House" by Neil Gaiman
BetterNerfIrelia32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
dlcheng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephanie Meyers: "Atlas Shrugged"
yoloismymiddlename ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Brett Easton Ellis
tskapboa78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some do. Compare Faulkner and Cormac McCarthy
ssj4majuub ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Wong's Harry Potter
Neil Gaiman's Lord of the Rings
Douglas Adam's Origin of Species
Burchling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham. I feel like more breakfast dishes have the potential to be different colors. Like croissants of lime dough...Sorry it doesn't rhyme though.
Bocab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's The Lorax
wascwabbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Ludlums Cardinal of the Kremlin, Tom Clancy's Bourne Identity, Tom Clancy Three Days of the Condor, Alfred Hitchcock's Shutter Island.
littlebearmuzic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't decide if I'd like to read Hemingway do Salinger or Salinger do Hemingway.
Morjor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really want to see a compare and contrast of War of the Worlds by HG Wells, and then Jules Verne, George Orwell, Orson Scott Card,and Scott Westerfield. They all have such varied but fantastic writing styles, and they would vary so fundamentally. I feel like OSC and Westerfield would focus in on a small group of survivors, whereas Verne would focus on the world events in response to this, and Orwell would have a deeply disturbing tale of the social impacts of the terror resulting as people turn on one another.
doge_ex_machina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy- The Grapes of Wrath
greymalken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do comic writers count? I'd buy the shit out of a Mike Mignola Bible. Or Alan Moore. Fuck... Alan Moore gives the Bible the LXG Treatment. I'm in.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The very hungry caterpillar by Mi Angelou
KSF_WHSPhysics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's "A Song of Ice and Fire". We'd already be on the 4th subseries at this point
BornTexan183 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dean Koontz Harry Potter
Meadslosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Larry Niven rewrites any Orson Scott Card.
great9rejects ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore's Hunger Games.
SickSinceSunday ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chet Raymo covering, "Dorp Dead."
Patrovsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephanie Meyer's Crime and Punishment
diffyqgirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM does The Lord of the Ring
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gen Urobuchi's Magic School Bus
sc2mashimaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows"
ohmakersbreath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss writes Frankenstein.
gunsandposies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings written by Quentin Tarantino.
Flanyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nicholas Sparks: Magic Tree House
Jack and Annie both died of Cancer and this is all a dream
Chodoggy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, Dr. Chuck Tingle
axp1729 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sherlock Holmes by Timothy Zahn
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, as written by Jack Kerouac
bunsNT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kerouac doing The Crying of Lot 49
SauceMemer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling's "The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe."
Drjay425 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's 'The Lorax'
greengrasser11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought about this, but in a specific way. Redo the entire first Harry Potter book, but each chapter written in a different author's style. One like Tom Clancy, one like Dr. Seuss. If you already know the story you'll easily be able to follow along, and no doubt it'd be hilarious.
It'd take someone very well read and who had a lot of skill to pull something like this off but I know I'd love it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
hikerjer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That volume would need two covers.
amishguy21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM Harry Potter
omarover9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe on goosebumps
SPGOUF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower, by Dr. Suess
lyannas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin
lambofgun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Chriton - Call of Cthulhu
twyste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:36:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steppenwolf by Vonnegut.
And since it's been mentioned here ad nauseam, I would most prefer to read Tennessee Williams' take on 50 Shades.
edit: also, best q i've seen here in some time. thanks, op! have some reddit pyrite!
whosaidpanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace read by someone from Bensonhurst Brooklyn
ThunderFlash10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard Dawkins: The Leftovers
redzimmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Wheel of Time Quientratology.
jfsindel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Stepford Wives.
Or
Michael Critchon's Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?
Metal-Marauder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Junie B. Jones by John Steinbeck
Chopedada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would want to see Faulkner cover Lolita
bogza23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire but an author that will actually finish the series
drexrunner14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Weir's - Jurrasic Park
Metal-Marauder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by John Green
TonysSeasoning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Samuel Beckett covers "The Stranger" by Albert Camus. Or really just anything by people with motive.
Copenyakker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephens Kings version of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
baylithe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covers the Eragon series.
gruesome_gandhi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Guinness Book of World Records featuring Jane Austen
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Der Einzige und sein Eigentum by Stephen King
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
george orwell's brave new world, aldous huxleys 1984. see where they go with it.
josh_the_misanthrope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Hunter S. Thompson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King covers Harry Potter.
jamesmanji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John le Carrรฉ's "Spy vs Spy"
askryan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:37:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Virginia Woolf's The Taming of the Shrew
JK Rowling's Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds
Henry James's The Perks of Being a Wallflower
HP Lovecraft's Bleak House
William S. Burroughs's Gone With the Wind
William Shakespeare's Trust No One: An X-Files Novel
This is a great question, OP
ralienz904 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Battle Royale- Chuck Palahniuk
CompanyofHouseElves ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything written by Kerouac...
eMeLDi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' cover of The Bible
Sneakersislife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter covered by the entire cast in their respective roles, with JK Rowling as backup characters that didn't make it to the movies.
mako123456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joseph Heller covering Game of Thrones from the perspective of foot-soldiers, prostitutes, and Braun
IRABaboon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by M. Night Shyamalan. No, not really. Catch 22 by Dan Brown. Argh, now I can't stop...Clive Barker covering The Shining. That's better.
Smokenspectre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do Androids Dream of electric Sheep by Douglas Adams.
Cheddarrrr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see either Kubrick or Salinger's take on American Psycho. Kubrick because I think he could really build up a character like Bateman, and Salinger because he can really present inner dialogue.
Dickbutt11765 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For all who didn't know, Stan Lee did this for Superman, Aquaman, and Batman in his "Just Imagine" series.
Valeddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce's Cloud Atlas.
louisi9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Fifty Shades of Gray
HuddsMagruder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to read Cormac McCarthy going through the Solomon Kane tales. There's a lot of good in there, but there's a lot of needed improvements.
I wouldn't mind seeing Neil Gaiman rewriting H.P. Lovecraft's work. I think he could do it justice while making it more pleasant to read. As much as I love reading Lovecraft, if I'm not in exactly the right mood it feels like work.
gustoreddit51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace by Tom Robbins
SurfMadman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blood Meridian
Strawburys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eric Carle's 50 Shades of Gray
beebish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a great question. I'd say Douglas Adams or Terry Prachett doing Stranger in a Strange Land.
Musicnote328 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:38:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catch-22 by Stephen King
Ericleeschroeder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I ain't never read no books.
amnesiacrobat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Phillip K Dick writing a Hardy Boys novel.
the_nine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglass Adams; The Bible.
damonteufel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Hunter S. Thompson
TokyoDriftSpeedRacer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling, Mein Kampf
MaesterBarth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim Tebow's autobiography "Through My Eyes," rewritten by 1920's Adolf Hitler.
heretical_thoughts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's Dune
keytar_gyro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maltese Falcon by Carl Hiaasen
WulfSpyder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Lorax
Jethr0Paladin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes by William Gibson.
Or Neuromancer by Arthur Conan Doyle. Either works!
ThatAnonymousDudeGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings "Twilight Saga"
coshjollins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lemony snicket: Shutter island, or Sherlock holms, or just about any psychological thriller/ murder mystery book.
Petti-The-Yeti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR Tolkien's Harry Potter
CTU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Jim Butcher do his take on Harry Potter
the_blue_bard_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toni Morrison's cover of Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
merikus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord Of The Rings by George RR Martin.
acromantulus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club) covers Mrs. Dalloway or Pride and Prejudice.
Max101Victory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption"
- Dr. Seuss
jmwicki ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covering The Lord Of The Rings
hsunamii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rolling for the 'Twilight' series.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Communist Manifesto
by Ayn Rand
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covers ASOIAF
hirakumakimura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Saunders covers "Slaughterhouse-Five".
likechoklit4choklit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kirby's Alice in wonderland.
dermographics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One by Orson Scott Card
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by Phillip K Dick (Do dragons dream of electric hobbits?)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lev Grossman basically did a cover of C. S. Lewis's Narnia series. Kinda. Well it's more like a dark story of how Narnia was written.
No_Longer_A_Menace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway's Moby Dick
Redknight44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A cover of Harry Potter by Raymond Chandler.
Tuggy_Tugboat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin and any children's book...
psychoticdream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And a whole generation of children grow up traumatized. .
Gayinahappyway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians by George R R Martin
cloudnyne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:40:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Book of Mormon, by Issac Asimov
djdogjuam2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Rice Burroughs' Harry Potter
dude_bro42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's presentation of the Stainless Steel Rat series. I would read the shit out of that.
theoreticallyben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's the hunger games would actually probably be pretty fun, it would definitely be much less dark.
macdizzle11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe covers the Shining
harrypairatesticals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess' War & Peace
penisarmy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shel Silverstein's "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" <3
LockStockandSquirrel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami does 100 Years of Solitude or Rushdie covers The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles
MarinLaFey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimen covering Mercedes Lackey might work very well.
CaptnCompassion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf, Gandhi
ameliamartino93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey written by Stephanie Meyer
cebrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's Inferno by H.P. Lovecraft. Im guessing it will have many thousand tentacles worth of hell...
Hankowski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss covers "blood meridian"
xarlev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon's Infinite Jest. /lit/ would meme themselves to death.
everno99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Maya Angelou
Cambro88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catcher in the Rye by John Green. To Kill a Mockingbird by Toni Morrison Dracula by Stephen King.
sfu1129 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin.l Harry Potter
sc2mashimaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway's "Twilight":
Bella was an angsty teenager who thought she was in love. Edward was cold to her, and that made her love him more.
It didn't bother her when she found out he was a vampire.
What bothered her were the unwanted advances of her childhood friend, Jacob. He was a werewolf. And he was clingy.
Eventually, she married Edward. But he never grew less cold.
Childbirth was a disaster in the usual ways and also in unusual ways that only come with the supernatural.
Jacob fell in love Bella's child when she was six years old.
That was when Bella's drinking habit began to take hold. Love is complicated, she told herself. She looked at her husband. But he was as cold as ever.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Hobbit
g2f1g6n1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:42:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the Harry Potter series by someone like Gabriel Garcia Marquez or Chuck palahniuk.
jimjamiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've already thought of this: GRRM's Harry Potter
PM_ME_SAM_ROCKWELL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beverly Cleary writes Fight Club
Pizza711 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's the Hobbit! I'd read it
Minerva89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Since everyone else took all the god pairings, Palaniuk writing the graphic violence of kids fighting kids from any of the Ender series books would be disturbingly phenomenal.
thelazerbeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut covers One Hundred Years of Solitude
steph_ok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
McSweeney's is actually doing this for the next issue of the quarterly!
ianmcbong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Bible" done by Vonnegut
DemotivatedTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Harry Potter saga.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore's The Bible
ketchup-is-gross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace writes American Psycho. We learn about every traumatic incident from Patrick Bateman's childhood, minor characters get 100 pages dedicated to them, the violence is described in excruciating detail in the 200 pages of footnotes.
falconfund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling covering the Inheritance Cycle.
Grateful_J561 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:43:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Hunter S. Thompson
BirthdayDingo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covers Huckleberry Finn
BearcatChemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covers Harry Potter.
rynandtonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Lemony Snicket
eljefebubba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Tom Clancy
Ima_Fuck_Yo_Butt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see Harper's send David Foster Wallace to cover the opening of Jurassic Park in his essay style, a la the cruise they sent him of as a thank-you for covering the state fair.
bboymixer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's The Great Gatsby.
bbbook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's The Brothers Karamozov
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell does Fight Club.
thisdesignup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any cover by Lemony Snicket.
EphemeralApricity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft's The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Unkindlake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Inferno by Clive Barker
Trips-Over-Tail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covers the Horus Heresy series.
Cwardw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
terry pratchet does the lord of the rings
bamadeo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JD Salinger (Holden Caulfield style) doing Great Gatsby
conner23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Magic tree house by JK Rowling
theonlyafghan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cat in the hat by George RR Martin
Toma_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Discworld
drosophila_ninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cat in the Hat by Albert Camus
Thoppenrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covering "The Lord of the Rings"
jackduloz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore does The Iliad and The Odyssey
Maybe oedipus Rex too
InMedeasRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cixin Liu, Use of Weapons.
Rilkespawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Garrison Keillor writing Huck Finn
ladygrey_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip Pullman covers The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:45:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Milton covers Mario Puzo's The Godfather.
TheVegetaMonologues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Chabon's "The Great Gatsby"
chickenoflight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arthur C. Clarke's "The Martian"
Imagine the possibilities
SweatpantsDV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson The Hobbit and LOTR trilogy.
Fuxit-readsmokesigns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman did "A Study in Emerald" covering both ACD Study in Pink and Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos.
It was damn good!
MeMyselfandBi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's Alice in Wonderland
Blinkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway does Precious
Spongybutt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ken Kesey 1984
marysue4you ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably gonna be buried but Dr. Sues - Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
DeadMoonDave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson, Lovecraft.
Dude, gods and titans just got that much better
KeenOnPink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read Stephen King's version of Child Thief.
The book itself is already a loose dark version of Peter Pan but I'd love to read a version that would disgust me.
NostalgiaZombie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers A song of Ice and Fire so we could read a finished series.
twyste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged by Erich Fromm
Alm1ghty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin, Harry Potter.
SilentDis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They actually do 'cover' books like cover artists cover songs!
H. Beam Piper wrote "Little Fuzzy" in 1962. It was good, but it did not age well, at all.
John Scalzi did a re-write of it, called "Fuzzy Nation" in 2011. Sci-fi legal drama. The combo sounds weird, I know, but it's actually really good! Worth your time to check out :)
Axton740 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's The Odyssey
DigThatFunk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if I'd be more interested to read certain authors' "covers" of work within their own genre that they're familiar with, or on something entirely new/ different. I'd love to see something like Neil Gaiman do a classic fantasy tale like Lord of the Rings. Or a Terry Pratchett take on some old-school hard sci-fi like Ray Bradbury or especially Arthur C Clarke's 2001/the sentinel quadrology, and give it his own awesome style.
MrMediumStuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
We Can Remember It For You Wholesale by Philip K Dick.
oh wait.
DeepthroatMyGoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roots, as written by Kurt Vonnegut, which ends with Kunta Kinte getting abducted and then raped by an alien race that like a giant whip.
Alternatively, Slaughterhouse 5 as written by Alex Haley, which ends with us coming to modern times and finding out Billy Pilgrim was lying about everything.
ThannBanis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've actually seen this.
H Beam Piper's Little Fuzzy reimagined as law/sci fi modern novel.
Both versions stand on there own.
BlondeRugger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and prejudice by Chelsea Handler
wildtabeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Redwall, A Song of Ice and Fire, Harry Potter.
Flabbergast94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon - Shutter Island
fluffhead77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Robbins - Dune
KrombopulousMary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack London adaption of The Bravest Dog Ever: The True Story of Balto
Keystone_Heavy1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nathaniel Hawthorne: Ready Player One
fenwai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's "Harry Potter"
Silence_Of_The_Hams ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Very late to the thread, but I would be interested in Tom Clancy's take on James Bond.
drconman11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf - Milo Yiannopoulos
Not terribly different.
omgwtftommyt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:57:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Only ever so slightly gayer, but somehow wildly more self-aggrandizing.
drconman11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With a touch more paedophilia.
omgwtftommyt ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bad touch more.
iPomp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin, The Bible
balfrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway with Oliver Twist
...everybody is depressed and damn well stays that way
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Homers retelling of war of the worlds would be epic
bigmeanjoegreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gabriel Garcia-Marquez presents: The Witcher Series
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Matthew Reilly
powerlesshero111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Old Man and the Sea - by John Grisham
IanGecko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Augusten Burroughs does Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
BananaNinja1010 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss' Way of Kings. Two of my favorite authors merged together.
joshecf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see A Song of Ice and Fire with a little bit of the writing style of Ken Follett's "The Pillars of the Earth". They are both similar writers but with completely opposite story lines it seems.
PainPanic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"It" by Neil Gaiman.
onewordnospaces ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet by Stephenie Meyer.
Oh, wait. She did that already and sold it as Twilight.
Pelvic_Sorcery420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
M. Night Shyamalan's 50 Shades of Grey
(Spoiler Alert)
Plot twist: Christian Grey is a member of a perverse and twisted cult. He seeks submissive females to sacrifice to his dark lord. Ana Steele dies in the first movie and I would never have to sit through "50 Shades Darker" and eventually "50 Shades Freed" with my girlfriend. These are perhaps the most boring pornos I've ever watched. Almost completely flaccid the whole time
Roogiee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss does the Mistborn series.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Arthur books Written by Brandon Sanderson
Idio_te_que ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabokov does The Notebook
Trumpopulos_Michael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not an author and not a book, but adapting the question for TV...
Hideaki Anno's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Edit: Or Gen Urobuchi. Not that anyone's gonna see this.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit or the GOT series
sdmat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lev Grossman's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
VCR_Lube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a neat idea. I wonder why no one covers or remakes books.
YouOnlyThinkUROut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kerouac's Anne of Green Gables
Piogre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see H.P. Lovecraft's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Hunter S. Thompson's Shadow over Innsmouth.
upsidedownqbert ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dracula by Bret Easton Ellis
ThatIckyGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:48:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Jim Butcher
Harry mouths off more and is less sulky in the later books. He also sets fire to the potions classroom.
swinery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jordan peterson, the brothers karamazov,
KWBC24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings "Harry Potter" things would get darker faster
hahaha01357 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wait like ... fanfics?
NRDL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' "I have no mouth and I must Scream"
rangusroon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey as told by Hunter S. Thompson...
14132 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Okay hear me out: Terry Pratchett's Nerve.
I mean, I'm not sure how he would do the first part of the book but I bet it would involve at least 66% less fanservice and tie into the second half much, much better. Second half would probably have slightly less "my word everyone has a gun pointed at me" and more "all right let's shut this thing down" like the movie did. Also those responsible would be duly punished.
By the way on a sidenote kudos to the movie for also having at least 66% less fanservice content.
iethun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower, by J.R.R. Tolkien.
BlondeBody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King does the Bible
Anton338 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beatrix Potter's "The tale of Peter Rabbit"... covered by Edgar Allan Poe.
bdoz138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Chuck Palahniuk would have a really interesting take on The Catcher In The Rye.
Actually, can we make this happen? It might just be a perfect fucking novel.
mrkouf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covers the Archie universe. Oh wait, Pinball 1976...
heddybelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:49:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see literally anyone other than Atwood cover "The Handmaids Tale." It's a great story but it reads like a pamphlet. Maybe Jodi Picoult or another great story teller.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Twain or Hemingway. That way it wouldn't drag on as fucking long.
Flying-Camel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Redwall by George R.R. Martin
waltjrimmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people have been talking about covers of Game of Thrones, so I think I'll throw my hat in the ring for this.
GoT written by Hunter S. Thompson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enders Game by George RR Martin.
wellpaidscientist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've always thought it'd be cool to read a version of the "Dork Diaries" series in which Nikki and McKenzie we really just to sides of the same person รก la Fight Club.
PrimaDonne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like AU fanfictions?
bigmeanjoegreen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami's Harry Potter series
Ttoctam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Silvia Plath Asoiaf. No reader's wrists uncut by book 4.
yoshimario40 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jules Verne's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
LanternSnark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton's "Neverwhere"
Kurt Vonnegut's "It"
J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Sandman"
KameronDunlap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's The Lord of the Rings
Vlaed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G RR Martin covers Harry Potter. Needs more deaths.
magnatood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's version of Twilight.
kaydendigiovanni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cats Cradle by Clive Barker
AstariiFilms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Harry potter
SlanginFunds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any encyclopedia
cdegallo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Foundation (series). Maybe it would actually be interesting to read.
Cheeseman06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glen Cook covers Twilight
bofstein ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People who want to read children's stories morphed into horror novels.
Seymore_Bushe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If? James Joyce's "The Odyssey"; Paulo Coelho's "The Man Who Became Rich Through a Dream"; Goethe's "Doctor Faustus."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The phantom toll booth by Ayn Rand
TankRamp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glenn Cook's A Song of Ice and Fire
mycrystalcity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves by R.L Stine
Grochlink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by Neil Gaiman or Clive Barker
xakeridi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's Goodnight Moon
jameshayh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey covered by St Paul the Apostle
Salvidrim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's "Harry Potter"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Seymore_Bushe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf - Anne Frank
fightingcrime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
george rr martin covers 50 shades of grey, kills everyone off and starts a better story
Cryrobinson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves done by Haruki Murakami.
kula_shakur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower series by Cormac McCarthy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Green covers The Great Gatsby
Jaz_the_Nagai ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Heinlein's cover of Star Wars.
charleyjacksson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some artists will cover songs that are way outside of their genre and make it their own (i.e Pennywise- Stand By Me)
I'd like to see Stephen King do Daredevil: The Man Without Fear, Doctor Seuss do The Killing Joke, and H.P Lovecraft do Fantastic 4: #1-101
RufusSaltus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally, I'm a fan of Pierre Menard's cover of Don Quixote.
AfraidOfAtttention ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson's Lord of the Rings
Wiskeos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writing Harry Potter
GForce1975 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
L.ron Hubbard.; inferno (a la Dante ) . Make a religion out of that!
bstampl1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little Women by Marquis de Sade
Day_Triipper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R Martins "Dune"
jonrock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elmore Leonard's "Dune".
jovietjoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Herman Melville's Kama Sutra
fanamana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower by J. K. Rowling.
It's not going to have the same bite, but by God she is going to wrap up all of those fluttering plot lines.
VoidNeXis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand -The Giving Tree
wyldcrater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged - Chuck Klosterman
Pompousasfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bit late to the party but /r/tomteller has some really good fan fiction of Harry Potter, as written by George R.R. Martian.
Tserraknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly? Twilight by George R.R. Martin. I really liked alot of the side characters and the whole vampire war in the south sounded pretty brutal. Instead of whinging about how perfect edward was a new take on what had a good base might be fun.
kalanikoag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Charles Bukowski
Scrapsceen12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal by Barack Obama
DickRiculous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to read high fantasy written by Stephen King. Like Thrones. Or Stormlight archives. Ooor I want to read Stephen King rewritten by Erik Carl or Shel Silverstein.
Antifoundationalist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon presents "Tuesdays With Morrie"
damndumbfuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Steinbeck writes his version of Cloud Atlas".
JCastXIV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Jack Kerouac.
jldutton77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by Ernest Hemingway, duhhhhh!!!
sc2mashimaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain's "Jurassic Park"
Invisiblechimp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers the Count of Monte Cristo.
Zorthak_Fireaxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Lord of the Rings or Tolkien's Dune series.
eharper9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Outsiders read by Leonardo DiCaprio.
donutnz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.
_akmodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering George Orwell's 1984 and Animal Farm
YouOnlyThinkUROut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William S. Burroughs' Dune
mzito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's "heart of darkness"
ElectricSkeletor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss' Song of Ice and Fire
AtomicFlx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Custlers Dune.
All the goodness of dune without the dull political and religious bla bla bla.
apophis-pegasus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eoin colfer for Harry Potter.
fataldarkness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Munsch does The Diary of Anne Frank
AbeLincolnsFreckles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's Odyssey
Gynominer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace covering Moby Dick. Holy shit.
Seymore_Bushe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just make every other whole chapter a footnote.
Jta1i ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin doing Harry Potter.
SteveHeist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers The Lord of the Rings
yeet_sauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orson Scott Card does Harry Potter.
Somerandomd0uche ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hunger games by hunter s. Thompson
stoose44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joseph Heller's War and Peace
housemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covers American Gods.
JVDS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,
Hunter S Thomson: Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy
Thegreatherakles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know he is dead but J.R.R Tolkien's take on Harry Potter
EmpathyInTheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want Dean Koontz to write The Last Unicorn.
tokyoboii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King - Harry Potter
lordtyp0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings The Twilight Saga
Lan777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams cover of 1984. I wanna read his page long pointless descriptions of various things that Orwell thought would exist.
regular_john2017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen kings IT covered by chuck palahniuk
swan666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What about Tolkien covering his long time friend C.S. Lewis's World of Narnia?
PM_ME_MAMMARY_GLANDS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Tom Clancy.
MaevaM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cold comfort farm by Nick Pirog
metathesis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Eragon
spiersie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covering John Carter
lemontreeee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood - A Door into Ocean!
djlaxl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Jurassic Park
Quikanims ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan's Maximum Ride. I'd imagine it'd be similar to the original series but it wouldn't suck after the third book.
smithrereen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson's Ubik
Fyodor Dostoevsky's A Song of Ice and Fire
Steven King's Let the Right One in
the-chuckls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey, as illustrated by Eric Carle
Strider794 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Flanagan's Lord of the Rings would be fabulous
HiImNickOk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven king covers the bible
ZorroMeansFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As a sidenote to this idea, check out Borges' story:
"Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote" -- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Menard,_Author_of_the_Quixote
It concerns, among other things, how even a line-by-line "recreation" of a novel by a different author, if done at a different period in history, carries with it entirely additional and different implications than the original work --which, on one level, it exactly replicates.
Zaenok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone's cover of The Catcher in the Rye. It's my favorite book.
Darktidemage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson's cover of Ender's Game.
bzdelta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'll go with some childhood favorites.
Redwall, aka Children's ASOIAF, rewritten by GRRM. Really, all you need to do is add sex, it's pretty much all the same but with furries. Just the first two books so we actually see it finished. Maybe update the animated series as Netlix.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and the Great Glass Elevator would have to be covered by two authors; Upton Sinclair for the first and Robert Hanlein in the second. The second book does have some heavy MASH cues though, maybe some Forever War vibes.
My Side of the Mountain by Thoreau, with further exploration of the concept of the boy as mankind and Frightful the hawk as nature. I mean, it's already Walden Jr, why not go the distance?
mr_sparklez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin doing Harry Potter as a series. There's a bunch of random things I want more lore on in the HP universe that would be really cool to see someone like George do, since reading Song of Ice and fire and seeing everything have in depth backstory is awesome!
Masaioh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Canterbury Tales by Alexandre Dumas
trustthepudding ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss covers Heart of Darkness
ZorroMeansFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Star-Bellied Kurtzes"
metabolicrift ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be really fuckin tight if Ursula K. LeGuin covered Dune.
quartpint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's Twlight: Bella Swan and Her Irrevocably Abusive New (Vampire) Soulmate.
viktor72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This question is exploding so this probably won't be seen but can you imagine Crime and Punishment by the Goosebumps Series? That would be mental.
blackbird2379 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to have famous series writers shuffle their series. Like The Dark Tower by JK Rowling, Harry Potter by George RR Martin, Game of Thrones by Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide by Steven King... just to name a few off the top of my head.
Lizardrevenge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brothers grimm collection by kurt vonnegut
killthealias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I suppose fan fiction would be the closest thing to this, in which case I'd point to this Ready Player One fan fic written by the author of The Martian, Andy Weir.
cooperthetrooper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by JK Rowling.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemmingway covering Jurassic Park... He'd kill the Tyranasour only to lose it to something bigger...
Cougar_9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see Douglass Adams cover Cloud Atlas
The kicker have to be that Arthur keeps showing up to these random jumps in time and place and vaguely recognizing someone and trying to spark up a conversation or choose where to finally settle down. Just randomly in starpsed.
shamedbatman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games, Cormac McCarthy
nowhereian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Discworld series by Robert Heinlein.
29100610478021 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Koushun Takami - Hunger Games
Oh wait.
CollosalBeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:55:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hungry Caterpillar by George R.R Martin.
SadShots ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's 'Lord of the Rings.'
Makelevi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Redwall by George R.R. Martin
blimey4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by RR Martin
jeremysbrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Robert E. Howard
VoidNeXis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shel Silverstein'sโ Fight Club
Jesus_Harry_Christ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's A Song of Ice and Fire
little_asian_man_89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Roald Dahl
King_Hugo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of The Hunger Games.
beerforbreakfast91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quentin Tarantino's No Country for Old Men.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
?
beerforbreakfast91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:11:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
!
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
: O
ziggystarfist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covering naked lunch.
GuySimile ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is a great question!
dobermansteve ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's version of A Song of Ice and Fire would be awesome, and possibly a little more lighthearted than the origionals.
I_will_draw_boobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covering Hunger Games or Harry Potter.
Stieg Larson (RIP) covering all of James Patterson books.
fylum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers Where the Wild Things Are
Jyuconcepts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet by J.D. Salinger
Romeo: "Man that Juliet girl goddam near killed me. She really did."
XsandOs7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romeo and Juliet by Suzanne Collins
thatguysoto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain's Inside Amy Schumer.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Illiad by Edgar Allan Poe
sognidistelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Shelley covers Interview with the Vampire
Kswiss66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon sanderson's song of ice and fire.
RekNepZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Really, just about any book would be amazing as a Dr. Seuss cover. That man could probably even make a phone book amazing.
TheCatman11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dantes Inferno by Dr.Seuss
JT70900 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune covered by Steven King. He would bring added creepy to a full and flushed out universe.
homepup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I already have this book. Treks Not Taken
It's Star Trek: The Next Geneation stories written in the style of other authors like Stephen King, Vonnegut, etc.
Imjustmisunderstood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf.
'Nuff said.
vicarofyanks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Nietzsche
3jt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by David Foster Wallace
bp_516 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party, but...
Geoffrey Chaucer's "Green Eggs and Ham"
(Anonymous bard of "Beowulf") rewriting "The Little Prince"
brnlann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Le Morte D'Arthur by Noam Chomsky
7deadlycinderella ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Riverworld.
Rundeep ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ursula K. LeGuin's "Gone Girl."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Jordan's Game of Thrones.
Sansa tugging braid intensifies
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's "Animal Farm"
Coast_watcher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At The Mountains of Madness by Stephen King
neoform ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't they already do this with comic books, tv and movies?
Theschizogenious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers the bible Ft. Dickens Poe and Dr.Seuss
Chimneyfoot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Pooh by Philip K. Dick.
Pooh jarringly remembers that he is a human whose mind has been projected into a teddy bear to escape the unendurable reality of being an interplanetary colonist.
Valeddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lewis Carroll's Animal Farm.
tristen620 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice <generic vampire fiction> co written by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman
saltedcashew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well, there has already been a lot of 'retelling' of popular classics. There are a lot of movies based on Shakespearian novels. It would be interesting to read the same novel seen in different perspective. I would definitely be excited to read :)
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dead Man Walking by Sherman Alexei
GlamRockDave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut covers Catch-22
AllPurposeNerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's The Lord of The Rings.
zapiszak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Turtledove covers Brian McClellan's The Powder Mages Trilogy
JaxxisR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowlings Game of Thrones might actually get finished.
BlackMetalBanjo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Rollins does The Giver.
MrIceBearBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Faults in Our Star Wars
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' Long dark tea time of the Soul, By Tom Clancy.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oliver Twist by Kurt Vonnegut
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tale of Two Cities by Kurt Vonnegut
jeremysbrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by H.P. Lovecraft
D-utch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Ernest Hemingway
hippiefur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coming soon: George R. R. Martin's a Song of Wands and Wizards, and J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Chamber of Incest.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is my favorite posting I have ever seen on Reddit
D4M1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - Paradise Lost
AustNerevar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say Dune by Orson Scott Card but it doesnt quite fit because Dune is perfect as it is.
Muskabeatz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Mann covers Faust By Goethe. Wait...
okaykafka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Franz Kafka does James and the giant peach
czer81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Lewis writes Flatland
52ndstreet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covers the Harry Potter series. Each chapter from a different character's perspective? Hell yes.
The only problem, of course, is that we'd never get book 6 and 7, so we'd be left with the Order of the Phoenix being the end...
gmpasch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Witcher series in English as translated by Neil Gaiman.
cthulhustoothbrush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King does "To Kill a Mockingbird". Children confront evil in a small town.
xXrenXx1993 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R martins cover of the Harry Potter series
thepride325 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill a Mockingbird By Mark Twain
HandFancy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy does Beowulf.
octopusarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's 'The Lord of the Rings'....
h00ter7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Quick and the Dead, by Robert Ludlum. Any L'amour novel... Sackett, Borden Chantry. They would all be so good.
Codeskull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read love to see D.J. Machale covering the Eragon series.
Also, Lemony Snicket covering Harry Potter.
miyakoordori ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King covers The Cat in the Hat.
shrimcentral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kerouac's version of The Lord of The Rings. Walking across middle earth, eating wild thistleberries, drinking at the Prancing Pony, and following the aura of "Samwise the Brave"
HighFiveDelivery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway covering the 50 Shades series. I haven't actually read anything beyond quotes from 50 Shades books, but I have no doubt that the Hemingway version would be more interesting, more well-written, and much more morally ambiguous.
baroncalico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft's 'Beowulf'
sirgog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Fire and Ice
in the style of Chuck Tingle
baconportal22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Oh, the places you'll go!"
wtfberserk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Culture series by Iain M. Banks.
Throwaway1029381234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Cormac McCarthy. I think the world consumption of anti depressants would dramatically grow after this book is released.
SaiSaturn427 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Victor Hugo does Game of Thrones.
jszumowski ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Odyssey translated by Dr. Seuss
AustNerevar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin does Silas Marner.
Youd be making high schoolers everywhere rejoice.
HennePUN613 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey by H.P. Lovecraft
Sanhael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's take on The Lord of the Rings.
akillerfrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Brooks covering The Lord of the Rings.
Meriada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alexander Dumas, Paradise Lost
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
nesswow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fantastic
Anomalous-Entity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone else suggested the same thing so I deleted it. But thanks for the up vote :)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David "Dav" Pilkeyย (captian underpants & Dumb Bunnies) writing any Steven King story
kVIIIwithan8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Dostoevsky's Don Quixote would just turn into Notes from the Underground, but I'd still read the shit out of it.
Scroked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin "The Maze Runner"
SuppliceVI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft's "Where the Wild Things are".
WadeGustafson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any decent fantasy book by Joe Abercrombie. The dude can write the most gritty scenes, great with dialogue and characters but the overall plot in his books are just ok. I'd love to see grrm and him team up.
Scream123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Ready Player One" by Isaac Asimov
cemetary_john ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice in Wonderland by Neil Gaiman
DER_RTTER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss doing any Stephen king book most particularly it or dark half.
lookunder_thebed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The count of monte cristo by Stephen king
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brothers Karamazov by Neil Gaiman.
kr3ate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King for Harry Potter
CanadianSully84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Crime and Punishment re done by Tom Clancy
akalliss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neuromancer by Ernest Hemingway
"The sky above the city was grey."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covers The Wheel of Time.
Terry Pratchett is hilarious and Robert Jordan is not.
Katemaree ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are you there god, it's me Margaret. Stephen King
LegendofWeevil17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Roufuss covers The Lordof the Rings
MD_RMA_CBD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The words in the book would be identical if it were a cover
goonerincali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stranger. Without a doubt.
SnoTheLeopard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alexander Gordon Smith covers Metro: 2033
deaner_wiener1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road - Johnathan Rand
"American Chillers #21: Terrified Travelers trek Tennessee"
declared_somnium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin: Harry Potter.
Alternatively from niche topical humour from a game. Drew Wagar doing Harry Potter.
Players of Elite might get a chuckle because in a game event for a book in Elite Dangerous saw a VIP proclaiming she had galaxy altering events to break the political systems in place, and was planning a return from outside inhabited space to the core systems to spread the information. A player by the name of CMDR Harry Potter, the troll of trolls, was on her guard fleet.
He proceeded to kill her.
So Harry isn't a half starved abused boy in a school of magic, but a bitter and slightly psychotic space ship pilot with a penchant for subterfuge and murder.
Zairron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering Prose Edda
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
***Sherlock Holmes series by Terry Pratchett
zismahname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm answering a question with a question, but isn't that what screen writers do when they write a movie based off of a book?
ianthebadboi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' version of A Diary of Anne Frank if both of them were alive and in the same time period
thatguysoto ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A novelization of Star Wars by L. Ron Hubbard would probably be too much for anyone to handle.
miingus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:02:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road by Dr. Seuss, or The Stranger by Dr. Seuss.
ChasterBlaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling covers Brave New World. Help kids get woke.
Draconocard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim O'Brien covers the Hunger Games trilogy.
Diezauberflump ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finnegan's Wake by Mark D. Danielewski.
The formatting would be the tittttsssss.
hermionieweasley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Brave New World" covered by Adolf Hitler.
operadiva31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sylvia Plath covering Cather in the Rye, oh wait, she wrote The Bell Jar, which was similar but infinitely better.
ChasterBlaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ta Nehisi Coates covers To Kill a Mockingbird
JPresEFnet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire
by Tom Clancy
Chesus42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time by George RR Martin. Released in 2117, unless he gets caught up editing Wildcards novels. Maybe 2118.
BamBam203 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM covers Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuck I need to read more haha.
zoboomamoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Tale of Two Cities by J.D. Salinger
Chortling_Chemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy doing a historical-fiction version of Vincent Bugliosi's Helter Skelter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by the Game of Thrones author (sorry I'm not a literature buff)
aetherequii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin. And YES.
ozzric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Albert Camus
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling's Twilight
Imagine how much better a character Bella would be with Hermione's writer, and how much better an example of relationship health she could spin to that.
KindlyGiant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time covered by Brandon Sanderson. And not just the last bit the whole series.
ImGoinDisWaaaay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's The Hunger Games
RaudhrGaldhiem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Rick Riordan
Only_random_lyrics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Instead of heaping onto the pile of superb answers, here's a couple real-life examples:
ittakesacrane ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dresden Files by a Stephen King
54bwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winston Churchill - Mein Kampf
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That happens pretty often, especially the classics. Many of them have older roots.
Much of Shakespeare's ouvre is retellings of older stories.
H.P. Lovecraft made his mythos open season for any writer, though that's a bit different.
The Grimm fairy tales are entirely remixed, every century or so. Also depends on regional versions of the story.
Good artists create; great artists steal.
accidentalthepyro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw, but from Hermione's or Snape's perspective
Oldpenguinhunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Chuck Palahniuk, my God.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Timeline is off but, 100 Years of Solitude by Homer
ImThatFuckingIdiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:05:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Shakespearean "fight club"
AliceCoopersLiver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joyce Carol Oates covers "Let the Right One In".
le_gros_serpent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
W. Somerset Maugham covers Dune.
Psychoptic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Webster's English Dictionary by Isidore of Seville
LiquidPaperz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown takes on The Bible.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett the Hobbit
UnitK7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Goosebumps. .... .... ...Eh, I didn't need to sleep ever again anyway.
triciamilitia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT too many children's authors
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shade's Children - Malorie Blackman
ElViejoHG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always thought harry potter would be pretty cool in the hands of a good writter
hotforhygge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:06:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Miranda July covering Elena Ferrante's My Brilliant Friend
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin- The Magic Treehouse.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami does Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
theslimbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ken Ham covers Origin of the Species...
UglierThanMoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible, by T.C. Boyle.
cptsasuke04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune
nautically-naomi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore's Sailor Moon
bran_the_clever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Lord of the Rings" - George RR Martin
Legolas dies in Fellowship. We learn Sauron is really not that bad once you read things through his POV. Tyrion replaces Gimli. Frodo and Sam are more than just friends.
CaptLongbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I bet Philip K Dick would have written a pretty amazing version of The Giver
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fault in Our Stars by Friedrich Nietzche
ulquiorra102 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good Night Moon by Earnest Hemingway
icouldntquitreddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are playwrights eligible? Shakespeare taking on Game of Thrones would be incredible. Just imagine the monologues!
Also, Terry Pratchett taking on any YA dystopian novel the way he took on high fantasy would make me happy. Probably starting with The Hunger Games.
GhostOfOakIsland ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince"
thisisdredre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers Harry Potter.
Ever thought your favorite wizarding series was too childish growing up? Well now, you get to watch every character you loved and held dear die untimely deaths to Death Eaters and Dementors!
mixedbloodlines ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Ludlum's "Fantastic Mr. Fox"
Chapter One
The farms stood silently in the valley, factories of death and despair. Their presence cast a cold grey shadow over the region, even though the sun shone high in the noon sky. They had always been there, from before the time of his father. Fox looked out over the expanse of space and focused on the buildings in the distance, observing intently from his cubby hole. Fox was agitated, but he did a good job of hiding it, the internal conflict happening far behind his hazel brown eyes. "We can't live like this anymore", he said icily. Mrs. Fox looked on in silence - she knew her husband well enough not to interrupt him. "I'll be back before dawn; if you don't see me then open the bottom drawer in the dresser - you'll know what to do."
Fox left the cubby hole. 20 minutes later 3 shots pierced the silence of the valley, sending birds squawking.
It had begun.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by JK Rowling
Lovat69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The wheel of time by Brandon Sanderson. What?
Bloody_hood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:07:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones by Stephen King.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss covers 50 shades of grey
isaacjdavery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's and Terry Pratchett's "Good Omens" is essentially a cover of the "Book of Revelation."
giafinn17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephan King covering twilight. I'd love to see how he tortures them...
variablepwn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King, doing the hunger games. Forget the little romancy parts, it'll all be about an underlying plot, and the real threat of survival. Katniss singing to Prim? Wouldn't want to be making noise out in the open.
T3C_Illuzion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower series by GRRM
Vegan_Thenn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song Of Ice And Fire by any established author in the genre. Because then we'll finally get an end.
_quantum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's The Hunger Games, or maybe Lemony Snicket's Ender's Game.
SHADOWSTORM36 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Jordan's "Enders Game"
dosayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Lysney Addario did a cover of Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns I would read it in an instant.
Weacron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:08:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess's: The Raven.
KimCharlesMD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe covering Trump: The Art of the Deal
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill O'Riley's "Communist Manifesto"
JFCDoomblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Harris' The Exorcist
inphektid_forest ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King covers Tolkien
vans13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut on: The Bible
speptobie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk 1984
siobi1kenobi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The magicians by Sara Vowell
orangutan3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut, 50 Shades of Grey
fastjeff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King biography about Benjamin Franklin.
mixedbloodlines ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's "The Lorax"
Humblethunder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoevsky and a Song of Ice and Fire. You thought that it was sad before. Now all your favorite characters will lead lives of crushing depression and alcoholism.
swarf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick covers the short stories of Edgar Allan Poe.
5am5ep1ol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Albert Camus' A Short History of Nearly Everything
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:09:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien, As I Lay Dying
Schmielio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers "Mother Goose"
Nguruthos7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic Park by Stephen King
Holly-would-be ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lover of female-written literature in me would love to see someone older, like Charlotte Perkins Gilman, take on more modern pieces, like "The Bell Jar" or "The Handmaid's Tale".
Agentuna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king covers Dr.Suess
HighFiveDelivery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aldous Huxley or George Orwell covering the Hunger Games series.
I love the series because of the narrative, characters, and other mechanics, but imagine if all those books were written by a preternaturally gifted author. I'd love other people's ideas of who might write the best Hunger Games, I mostly just fished a couple great dystopian authors out of my brain.
suchmann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace writes the epilogue to The Hunger Games.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:10:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Not sure how silly it gets.
rouseco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Iliad and The Odyssey By Neil Gaiman
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheel of Time covered by George rr Martin.
jeffreybeer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski does Catcher in the Rye
andreimv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol i barely read any books, so I doubt I'd be reading a cover
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett does Lord of the Rings - Tolkien does Disc World series
UserCaleb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Touching Spirit Bear, by George R. R. Martin.
He'd be able to express in excruciating detail every moment of what made that book great.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Interesting historical fact time!
A large amount of literature produced by the women of the imperial courts in medieval Japan were covers of famous works like Genji.
So, it's been done.
Like everything else.
SOB
mycatisaduck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All this thread has made me realize is how many authors I have never heard of.
5am5ep1ol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Kennedy Toole's (Confederacy of Dunces) The Things They Carried
warcrown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's An Unexpected Journey
No_44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:11:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain's version of Great Expectations in his darker, last years.
Sanngetall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' I have no mouth and I must scream.
sssaint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss - The sword of shanarra
I feel like allanon and kvothe are distant cousins of badassery
BehindTheBurner32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uncle Tom's Cabin, as written by James Patterson.
personalproblem101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones by Brandon Sanderson. Maybe we will finally get TWOW
ihatedogs2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writes Eragon
Gittinitfasho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covers The Old Man and The Sea.
54bwy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - The Da Vinci Code
farhil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket, 50 Shades of Gray
AugustSun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covering F451.
ParapalegicOctopus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by Neil Gaiman
KTL175 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has probably been said, but George RR Martin rendition of Harry Potter
SoulUnison ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's "Harry Potter."
J.K. Rowling's "Lord of the Flies."
Motherleathercoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:12:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No Country for Old Men by Wendell Berry
SpeakWithThePen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM covers Harry Potter. I would be interested in a Game of Thrones esque version of Harry Potter. I think all the ingredients are already there - different houses and strong loyalties. Corruption. Faith. Friendship. Hate, and how the power of love can affect people in different ways (Snape, Voldemort, Harry, Dumbledore etc)
wordsmith86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin writing a cover for Harry Potter, where Ron is secretly fucking his sister and harry is Voldemort's bastard. Dumbledore and Snape are gay partners and Hermoine uses sex to conjure dark magic.
CodeTheInternet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone writing "The Doors of Stone", because Rothfuss isn't gonna do it.
Neko5453 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the Mountains of Madness by Mark Z. Danielewski. Or Rats in the Walls, or The Ancient City. Anything from Lovecraft's people-going-down-long-stairways mythos.
blackest01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheel of Time series. George RR Martin.
5am5ep1ol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Sedaris covers Last Exit to Brooklyn
MotherOfGeese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - Alice in Wonderland
Phalkyn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Drizzt Do'urden series covered by George RR Martin.
PLEASE JUST FUCKING DIE ALREADY.
Blessing727 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Moby Dick
mohiben ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's come up before, but I would pay an awful lot to read Harry Potter, written by George R.R. Martin
theRailisGone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jacqueline Carey's version of just about any book by Terry Pratchett or Brian Jaques. Or vice versa.
(If you haven't yet, read Banewreaker and Godslayer)
hotforhygge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Lamott covering Eggars's Heroes of the Frontier
shawnohayon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Now you truly couldn't judge a book by it's cover.
maxwellkc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:13:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut covering Harry Potter
Azzazin81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covered the notebook.
Turned out she remembered everything and never had Alzheimer's, she just wanted him to suffer.
I would read definitely read that.
lfantine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The answer definitely isn't the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy by Eoin Colfer.
5am5ep1ol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's Childhood's End
Luke_Orlando ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Solaris covered by Ray Bradbury
Nothing changes except the alien woman has more sex and there's four of them and the man has 20 minute s to pick the right one before the ship crashes into the sun except there never was a sun it was hope all along. Also the space ships are gold and everything has steam vents and something about cheese.
dedicatedbookworm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Erikson covers Tolkien's Silmarillion
Spikekuji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway's 13 Reasons Why.
It takes a suicidal author to cover a suicidal teenage story.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway would have been disgusted with that novel.
Spikekuji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Could have spiced it up with more Mojitos and bullfighting.
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
haha
Runninturtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jay Asher worked at the public library in the town I'm originally from. I went to the same public high school as is described in 13 reasons why. It was fine.
Mezatino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For anyone interested Steven Brust has already covered both of Dumas' Three Musketeers and 20 Years Later, as fantasy novels. They're called The Phoenix Guard and 500 Years After. Fucking amazing books, and then continues it with a trilogy with inspirations from many of Dumas other books.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not creative enough to think of one, but this is such a cool thread
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellies does Winnie the Pooh
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton's Sphere covered by Jules Verne
Leftygoleft999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Where the Wild Things Are" by Maya Angelou
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe Sphere covered by Stephen King ๐ณ
ReggieLedouxYouParty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace does Poor Richard's Almanack or the encyclopedia.
BunnyMcintosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami's 100 Years of Solitude.
MoreNMoreLikelyTrans ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice, by H.P. Lovecraft.
SmiteVVhirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can I get James Lee Burke to do a cover of The Big Sleep? I want to see the modern detective writer in the "great" detective novel setting.
A_Tricky_one ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"50 shades of Grey" by Marquis de Sade. Teach' em how to do erotic nobels
Also "The little prince" by Edgar Allan Poe. Because why the hell not.
Aaneiltex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Awakening by E.L. James
Spikekuji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bram Stoker's Twilight.
Eman5805 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's Doom: The Repercussions of Evil.
banterjosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King cover Berenstain Bears
deadlyhabit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King doing anything Marquis de Sade or Finnigan's Wake.
Griffinhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd give your left nut to read House of Leaves as covered by Dr. Jenna Katerin Moran.
NordinTheLich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. K. Rowling covering the Chronicles of Chrestomanci.
iamnoonenope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artemis Fowl by George RR Martin.
Since everything else has been said..
estuaryfire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raymond Chandler covers Watchmen
The_sad_zebra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That is an excellent fucking question.
I think books that focus on things like solitary, like The Martian for example, could benefit from a dark Edgar Allen Poe cover.
NVRLand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
When reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt, I remember thinking that I would love to see her take on the Harry Potter world
Mcoov ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut writes "The Old Man and the Sea."
JoeGarcin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hear Pierre Menard had the superior version of Quixote.
Captain-Ketamine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Tolkien
flamewave000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:17:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight, by Dr. Seuss
LostSkeleton73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Susan Cooper tackling Le Morte d'Arthur.
Takeurvitamins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doug Adams' The Dark Tower
CFIT_Ace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James and the Giant Peach" by Stephen King.
Kollin928 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR Tolkien covering anything
emo-in-a-pink-onsie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rush's 2112 album
Rugshadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covers... The Great Gatsby.
The more i think about it, the better it gets.
Master_Xeno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft covering Till We Have Faces
kapenaar89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Weir, A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
teryret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not really a novel, but it's a tie for me, either Godel Escher Bach by Carl Sagan, or Godel Escher Bach by Buckminster Fuller
Takeurvitamins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's the Martian
El_Wingador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's Animal Farm.
The first rule of Animal Farm is you do not talk about the Animal Farm...
glk111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman does American Psycho.
Then Bret Easton Ellis does American Gods.
SupaKoopa714 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Erikson (Malazan Book of the Fallen) covering Harry Potter. The first book would be 700 pages long, taking place halfway through Voldemort's second reign of terror, featuring a massive cast of characters, both inside and outside Hogwarts, with completely different but overlapping stories that you need a notepad to keep track of. Then the second book takes place at the same time as the first, only featuring an almost entirely new set of characters with the same level of story complexity. Then the third book takes place after the first two, again with a ton of new characters and a ton of convolutedness. And all of a sudden, the fourth book is set during Grindelwald's reign of terror, and the book is yet again full of characters and places you've never heard of. And so on and so forth.
Also, magic stems from separate tangible planes of existence, with each magical race having their own magical planes, so you have a whole bunch of that to keep track of on top of everything else.
addisonshinedown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a fantastic idea! I really want to see this happen.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson doing any of the Left Behind novels.
ForgedSkin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wizard of Oz by Cormac McCarthy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood doing Starship Troopers.
TrendySpork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beverly Cleary covers Little Women. I wonder if it would carry the same message.
PickleChaingun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Cline writes Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
frogspa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by P. G. Wodehouse.
DatGrag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Brandon Sanderson Stormlight Archives by GRRM Game of Thrones by V.E. Schwab
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:19:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft covering Harry Potter.
kapenaar89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Weir, A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
dying_to_be_vain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight, as told by Stephen King
vagimuncher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything covered by Gaiman. His take on the Matrix, Cinderella, and Snow White are all great.
pauljohn408 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see some of Stephen King's takes on some Goosebump books
alpual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's ghost ghost-writes "The Art of the Deal"
RaccoonInteractive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace's "The Stand." It would be 3 times as thick as the original.
Alramas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Poppins by Samuel Beckett
Storm_Kun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:20:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Does manga count? JoJo's Bizzarre Adventure
SC-Jumper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Bible" by George RR Martin
W0uldYouKindly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings, Edgar Allen Poe
melonlollicholypop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat Pray Love by James Michener
pishposhpoppycock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Investiture of the Gods, or "Feng Shen Yan Yi", as well as The Eight Immortals and their sea crossing.
NinjaWombat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Song of Fire and Ice" series.
APPaholic47 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter by Tolkein
kidfe1on ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marley and Me by Edgar Allen Poe, it's literally just the dog dying scene
puckbeaverton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Starship Troopers.
strangebru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King covers anything by Edgar Allan Poe.
okaydudewhatever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's "Are you there god? It's me Margaret"
CaptainLawyerDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin presents The Magic School Bus.
Thephonecian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's cover of Dune. I actually think the fuedal warring families, religion development, and messiah arcs are similar for Dune and ASOIAF. I'd even settle for him writing his own story in the Dune universe.
yadavsingh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Superb outstanding
edthomson92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Peter Pan" and "Through the Looking Glass" by Stephen Chbosky...I don't know what the results would be, I just want them
Would anything change if Oliver Stone covered Atlas Shrugged?
Watchmen by George Orwell
EEncore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire, by George Orwell.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of roald dahl to be written by Jules Verne.
On the opposite side:
Twilight by Roald Dahl.
chewingfuriously ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling covers the My Immortal fanfic.
discoverysol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Albert Camus. For two books that explore mortality, meaning, and love from opposite directions I'd love to see how the series would change with Camus' court absurdist style.
bunsNT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway doing ASoIaF. Ya know, for brevity. Also would be super interesting
sweater_destroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is so hard to give a good answer to because every novel translated into my native English is essentially a 'cover.' Because the obvious answer is Proust.
So, an English worded novel I'd love to see covered would be 'To the Lighthouse' by Woolf or 'The Ground Beneath Her Feet' by Rushdie.
anima-animus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, no book today needs more updating than that one.
SpindlySpiders ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.theonion.com/article/cover-author-working-on-word-for-word-remake-of-mo-19786
Adam_Absence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings Where the Wild things Are
Lokarin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's TekWar
wrestlingfan007 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Ellroy's cover of In Cold Blood.
MADMEMESWCOSMOKRAMER ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did someone say "fat pink mast?"
jobeus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by Stephen King
ChickenDragon123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H. P. Lovecrafts Lord of the Rings. Where the Dark Lord is actually a elder god, Frodo is doomed to constant madness upon a single use of the Ring. Sam is the protaganist. Gandalf is driven insane by his fight with the Balrog, and comes back as a minor Great One. Aragon is a king of a dead kingdom, as well as a antihero. Legolas is a racist prick.
tacitchav ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David foster Wallace's Harry potter.
Just tons of footnotes categorizing the different spells and their uses. The origins of various wizarding laws. The fine drugs the weaselys' purchase and the misuse of magic to enhance sex.
sequetious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sherlock Holmes by Jim Butcher
FractalFractalF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson covering Asmiov's Foundation trilogy.
doot_doot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orhan Pamuk covering Ulysses
djfraggle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Kingkiller Chronicle because at least we could count on an ending in <10 years.
huckleberryale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covers Odd Thomas
Stephen King covers Dune
Chuck palaniuk covers American Gods
GRRM covers Discworld
Oniknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see a Neil Gaiman version of The Witches or Matilda. Pretty much anything Roald Dahl.
SeeThatDistraction ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covering the Mistborn trilogy
Squish92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl, The Call of Cthulhu.
Sparkiano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kerouac covering Shel Silverstein's "Where the Sidewalk Ends."
strangebru ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dianetics by God
jostler57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Lord of the Rings" by Lewis Carroll
"The Cat in the Hat" by Edgar Allan Poe
Jager454 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf - Putin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blood meridian by Douglas Adams
CreationOperatorZero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see what a more talented writer could do with Twilight, to be honest. The prose is garbage in that series, but the overall story isn't too bad.
jivehonky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR Tolkien writing "American Psycho".
Don't just gaze at the precious glowing by the fire with a peculiar wonderment, ravage that second breakfast."
fuckedbymath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hobbit by frank herbert.
free_mustacherides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:24:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin doing Harry Potter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Pahlaniuck (sp?) covering Blood Meridian.
BalusBubalis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peter Watts covering Anne McCaffrey's "The Ship Who Sang".
caanthedalek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people are mentioning Dr. Seuss covers, but I think it'd be interesting to see Seuss covered by Shel Silverstein.
Slip_Freudian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ted Chiang's Neuromancer
MerkinInACoalMine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Lev Grossman.
Oh wait...
mybustersword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy writes the Great Gatsby
Psykerr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Dickens' A Song of Ice and Fire.
If you thought they were long now.
mdfox85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like an updated Scarlet Letter. Maybe by... you know Hawthorne is still the only person I can see writing it, I just want a modern Hawthorne. Maybe Stephen King? But then the moral core might be less emphasized. If Paul Thomas Anderson wrote novels, I'd love to see his take on it. Megan Abbott maybe?
the-chuckls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Browns latest conspiracy fiction thriller, Where's Waldo
Douglas Adams, the Hunt for Red October
Finnthehuman223 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I for one can't wait to read this original question be covered by 17 other people in the future.
gwammy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling doing The Kingkiller Chronicles because they'd be done by now.
hyper_novae ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell covers Charlotte's Web.
Charlotte works to save the life of the revolutionary pig Wilbur, a political prisoner for his communist activities working for the Old Major.
mybustersword ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami basically "covers" Kafka already
almikez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
stephen kings lord of the rings
perpetualinception ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing because the author would have to live it, at least as close to Hunter S as they were capable. Good luck.
baconbrand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Circle, by literally anybody else
thetanktheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:25:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk writes Where the Red Fern Grows.
Yetilocke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon does Moby-Dick. David Foster Wallace does A Song of Ice and Fire. Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller collaborate on Lord of the Rings.
bensawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss covers Harry Potter
Samisapirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower series by David Wong.
LogicalZim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I very much doubt anyone will know both of these authors but I always thought if Steven Erikson had written Gene Wolfe's "Book of the New Sun" series it would be possibly the best thing to exist. Ever.
The god tier short story compact writing style of Erikson in the Book of the New Sun universe would just drop me into a chair for days on end. I'd be a child in a candy shop except the candy is super neato bandito world building and literary technique.
Many_Faced_Mod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Technically an author, Trump covers The Lord of the Rings.
Gandalf would beat the dark lord of Mordor with the greatest deal of all time.
ChickenDragon123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Jubal Sackett.
Where Jubal is a spy who integrates himself into the native american tribes to become their leader and bring them into the American Colonies.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Harry Potter
kabez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King versus Koontz! They should just rewrite each other's novels.
sailnlax04 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Keroauc does Fight Club
tinyhands2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody Poops, by Stephen K. Bannon
TheyWalkUnseen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Salem's Lot is essentially a cover of Dracula.
Inle-rah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late to the game, but I'd like to read the Sword Of Truth series written by almost anyone other than Goodkind.
pikachuhasissues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read Bobby Adair's Swan Song or Anne Rice's Slow Burn.
Graphic Novel retellings? The Walking Dead covered by the Cyanide and Happiness guys.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's Jane Eyre.
Nuff said.
baxtermcsnuggle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starship Troopers: as written by Douglas Adams.
OdaNobunaga24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway covering Twilight. Or does it have to be a new author covering an old work? If that is the case, Rick Riordan covering Midsummer Night's Dream or The Tempest.
frostedmelodies06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:27:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It already exists IMO. Fanfiction?
HentMas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OOOOH a Stephen king "HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE" would be frikken amazing, turn up the creep factor to 11 and make Harrys father a writer
CaptRory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Hobbit' by Jim Butcher
thefugue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:28:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.D. Salinger's Spider Man
hiimsubclavian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell covering 50 Shades of Grey would be something I'd read. Or vice versa. I want Winston Smith's inner goddess waving pompoms in room 101.
Bigmaq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see Stephen King's cover of the ASOIAF series, just because maybe then the books will finally get written in a timely manner!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by John Scalzi
Humorii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cat in the Hat by Stephen King. I want that remake of the IT trailer to be real.
htc710 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read A Murakami cover of an F. Scott Fitzgerald novel.
abulloc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Prince by Dostoevsky
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thomspon covering No country for Old Men.
Captain_Plastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covers The Lottery.
Edit: corrected autocorrect.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Sniper by Dan Brown
Enid_Coleslaw_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jonathan Franzen's "The Jungle."
TheDwarvenGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gulliver's Travels by HP Lovecraft.
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's Harry Potter.
silentflaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just wanting to know if maybe Chuck Pahliniuk lost his touch? I read "Beautiful You"and wasn't blown away... But could Invisible Monsters be covered? Or Choke?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It happens. See Little Fuzzy/Fuzzy Nation by Piper and Scalzi respectively.
WhyaintweatDorsia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:31:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Alchemist by Bret Easton Ellis
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers Dune.
collegemathchef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill A Mockingbird by John B. McLemore (from S-Town)
Wrylis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why doesn't this exist. Retellings of Harry Potter by your other favorite writers? Yep. Yep.
BeatTheWang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of Grey, by P.G. Wodehouse
WhiskyRider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson doing The Great Gatsby.
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's A Song of Ice and Fire.
EthosPathosLegos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain's: Fifty Shades of Grey
Lencalotp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Blood Prince -George R. R. Martin
kenneth8733 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think I'd take McCarthy covering Hemingway, the plainest speak being chewed up by 4 page sentences would be delicious.
Pontius__Pirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering the ASOIAF novels. Because then they'd be finished before 2058.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL Steven King is the only author most Redditors know of.
Jinksuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And George R. R. Martin
OneLastTime1997 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter
gray527 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Watership Down
pulkstr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Game by Donnie Trump.
wil4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace covering anything
Sebass13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any decent writer covers the Eragon series.
aqouta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:33:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoyevsky's cover of 1984 would be great.
darwin_green ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you also kinda get this with fan-fiction. While it might not be a full cover, they reuse the characters for their own stories.
MIDorFEEDGG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
McCarthy covering The Hunger Games
ZigginZaggin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe an author named Pierre Menard did a cover of Don Quixote.
zennim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
don quixote is totally the kind of book who invites "covers"
BobVosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's A Song of Ice and Fire. The first series would be done, the second series half done, with a bunch of anthologies. At zero loss of quality.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess the Bible
guitarfingers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oedipus Rex- Charles Bukowski. Think it would give it a nice contemporary twist/Oldboy vibe.
Arialene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's take on Janet Evanovich's numbers/Stephanie Plum series
CommanderVimes83 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Myth Inc, Myth Adventures series.
*edit: really just any longish fantasy series that would give me more Terry Pratchett.
Arialene ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Weir does The Dresden Files
nobodiesninja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lord of the rings, by George RR Martin. Or HG Wells.
The hobbit by HG Wells.
BuzzWeedle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marx: The Art of the Deal.
StuStutterKing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:35:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter covered by Brandon Sanderson.
Honestly, anything with magic covered by Sanderson. He does that shit amazingly well.
KIaptrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin.
Dune.
Joshinder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series, by George R. R. Martin.
I'd both look forward to and regret it, but I'd love to see which characters get to say Hi to Lily and James up-close and personal.
blacksapphire08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering the Twilight series. I actually enjoyed those books but felt that they could be darker.
MakeMyselfGreatAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Borges covering...Borges. :)
TheWykydtron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RL Stine's Infero
lanadelphox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:36:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any book not by Kurt Vonnegut, by Kurt Vonnegut
Robley3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Macbeth by Stephen King
Uberwafflezz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any textbook covered by George RR Martin
GrueneWiese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Freakonomics by Karl Marx.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a way didn't Tolkien do this with Beowulf since he translated it?
lil_suprises ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunger Games by Dr Seuss
TailstheTwoTailedFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by gibert godfried. Yes i know he only did part of it but i would love the hear the whole thing. If hes not available then morgan freeman would be the next choice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want Hemingway to rewrite song of ice and fire so I can read all the books in a week or two instead of several months to a year
pkayl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' 1984
GnatMaster7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:38:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway's Iliad and Odyssey
vivikaks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore covering The Koran, or any other heavily religious texts.
TailstheTwoTailedFox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The 9/11 commission report read by george w bush or condi rice or morgan freeman.
JMartin8494 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Authors covering fellow authors' novels is a great idea, I would love to see it. Maybe even famous directors covering other directors' movies, too?
Loomr313 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Sun Also Rises by Hunter S Thompson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter
Mustbeit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king covers 'The Notebook'
Trypticon8 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible as told by Atheists
Bardfinn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:41:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Thomas Jefferson did it.
squidshark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
buried but
To Kill A Mockingbirdby Cormac McCarthy
ghtuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's "Red Mars." And the other two.
HGFantomas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by David Foster Wallace
OwlsInTheRoadhouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by J.K. Rowling.
gibeonthegoofy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The percy jackso series by lemony snicket
keenancantskate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"On the road" -By Hunter S. Thompson
(Originally by Jack Kerouac) Thompson's fearful, loopy, and down to earth gonzo journalism would take add a whole new take on Kerouac's stories.
Lord_Ka1n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably Alice in Wonderland covered by JK Rowling.
PM_ME__YOUR_PMS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss covers the Bible
topherthethumb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate factory covered by George R R Martin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
PeteyMizzou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:42 on May 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is this anything like Bernie Sanders Wheel of Fortune?
hinoyminoy69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
13 Reasons Why covered by Tucker Max
GnatMaster7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Aaron Sorkin adapt a screenplay of Macbeth, Richard III or Coriolanus
DrSpacemanPants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody Poops
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Greyjoy by George R.R Martin
Bobanonymonstrocity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce covering The Odyssey, theres a novel idea
corroded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:40:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
there are already great 'covers' out there like a new hope in shakespeare and pride and prejudice and zombies if you feel like exploring some quirky 'classics'
Wasted_on_Reddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if this was said anywhere else, but The Bible by George R.R. Martin
NoeJose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see Stephen King cover something dense like Melville or Joyce
gandalfsmagicgaydick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, you can argue that some writers have covered other works.
Take Ulysses for example, it's very much so an adaptation of the Odyssey, hence the title.
So, I guess my answer is I'd want to read the Odyssey covered by James Joyce?
jastermareel17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonegat covering Forrest Gump.
Pineapple-Cake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Kurt Vonnegut
hg624 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king covers Danielle steel
luke_s ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:41:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Romance of the Three Kingdoms by James S. A. Corey
LSE_1991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and Bigfoot's Chamber of Secrets by Chuck Tingle.
tillmidnight2356 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covering John Steinbeck. Steinbeck's works are generally depressing and filled with death. I'd like to read GRRM kick it up a notch
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read Edgar Allan Poe's Romeo & Juliet. So much potential.
ScifiSaint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway's Gravity's Rainbow
Sylvia Plath's No Longer Human
Zaga932 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheel of Time written by Malazan Book of the Fallen author Steven Erikson. Hnngh.
Fuck you, OP :( I now want this so bad it hurts, but I never ever will.
FallenCypher25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin covering Harry Potter Jim Butcher covering The Black Company Frank Miller covering Game of Thrones
shadekiller0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orson Scott Card's "A Series of Unfortunate Events" would get really unfortunate
Chade_Fallstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Copperfield by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
PostNuclearTaco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The best thing I can think of is Harlan Ellison's screenplay of Asimov's I, Robot. Yes, you heard that right. The anti-computer writer, famous for a story where an AI tortures the last 5 humans for all eternity, wrote an adaptation of Asimov's groundbreaking work that shows that Robots don't necessarily need to be evil.
It's honestly an amazing adaptation though, and deserves a read if you are an Asimov fan.
TheNesperSHOW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Lord of the Rings" by Patrick Rothfuss.
NewAgeOfHeroes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Warren Ellis covering Nancy Drew.
machinemaria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuzzy Nation by John Scalzi is a book "cover". The original is "Little Fuzzy" by H. Beam Piper. Interesting and fun Scifi. Try the audio version read by Wil Wheaton, so great!
Stackenschneider ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blade Runner
M0dusPwnens ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lot of people are cracking jokes about Fifty Shades of Grey, but I would legitimately love to read Oscar Wilde's cover of that.
Pernus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: A /r/writingprompts gold mine
icebrotha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's "Harry Potter".
CardinalRoark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glenn Cook doing Pratchett's Watch books.
Steven Erikson doing WoT, or Salvatore's Drizzt arch.
6harvard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim butcher presents harry Potter. A simple story about yet another wizards who's name starts with H
AboynamedDOOMTRAIN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Without Remorse covered by Robert Jordan
I just want to see how long it would be.
lldUbiasll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged- Ayn Rand done by J.R. Tolken
Herpderp5002 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I can't wait to see this list on Buzzfeed tomorrow!
Great question OP!
camgoesbam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven covered by Dr. Seuss
TheVexedStork ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man's search for meaning - Douglas Adams
KurlyKayla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "50 Shades of Grey"
WillElMagnifico ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL: I need to read more.
Accipiter1138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM writes Redwall.
The food would stay the same.
gentlesting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabokov covers Anna Karenina
Pineapple-Cake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slaughterhouse five written by Robert Heinlein
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read Lovecraft's retelling of Harry Potter a million times.
Kris0175 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George R.R Martin
Orgetorix1127 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This actually happens in real life with some postmodern authors. For example, Joyce Carol Oates "covered" The Turn of the Screw by Henry James in her short story "The Cursed Inhabitants of the House of Bly".
jv20three ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Edgar Allen Poe
zombiemakemelol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heart of Darkness with Dostoyevsky.
Sarilia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov's "Foundation" series covered by Suzanne Collins.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Chabon modernizes a classic like The Brothers Karamazov
postmanspark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know what would be hilarious? Twilight, by Douglas Adams.
Timbershave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. R. Tolken covers The Iliad and the Odyssey.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's version of Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.
randomwanderingsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin cover of Harry Potter
TheRogueSaint88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's cover of The Help
addisonshinedown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:45:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Charles Bukowski
Bonerkiin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers the Lord's of The Rings trilogy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahnuiks cover of A Clockwork Orange
MisanthropicCartBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want Stephen King to cover the ASOIAF series because I like his writing speed more than GRRM.
Pineapple-Cake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of fire and ice written by Lewis Carroll
Cyphmos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ice and Fire
IMAKILL3R ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fault In Our Stars by Stieg Larsson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's rendition of the bible.
beefyesquire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher In the Rye by Chuck Palahniuk
Megonomix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Psychopath Test by Hunter S Thompson
mr_matt138 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter Series by: George Martin
RoastBeefDisease ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sorry. Gotta settle for giles
lobstersnow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cursed Child covered by JK Rowling
steebo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was done by John Scalzi. He wrote Fuzzy Nation as an alternative to Little Fuzzy by H. Beam Piper.
milkbeamgalaxia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Death's Master by Tanith Lee. Tanith Lee's stuff can get pretty wild and weird.
JFBeaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Alice in Wonderland
woodsbre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some of the best covers take very little liberty with the original work so I don't think any rewrite would be all that different. Unless you take an author from a different generation which had a slightly different vernacular.
OneFootInTheGravy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Martian
KingKrisspyKream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King: Green Eggs and Ham.
Pema_Nyima ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami's Dune.
Kinuama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know this will get buried, but that will save the world from my nerdiness. I would love an R.A. Salvatore cover of any piece of The Lord of the Rings series (The Hobbit included)
Angylnova ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:47:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The original goosebumps series by Stephen King. Or perhaps J.K. Rowling as stories from the wizard world as seen from the eyes of moogles who accidentally stumbled upon monsters or objects from the wizard world.
Edit: This could actually almost be a fan theory.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some kind of do... like Gregory maguire retelling the wizard of Oz, cinderella, etc.
Gallcws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read a cover of "Flowers for Algernon" by Haruki Murakami.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Huckleberry Finn by Chuck Palahniuk
the_muppets_took_me ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft doing "House of Leaves"
ticktickboom45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Silmarillion by F.Scott Fitzgerald, because his writing is way more descriptive and through than the original Silmarillion.
Whyshouldu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Stephen King. I'd like to know how that reads
Miss_Eh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dumas musketeers by Edmond Rostand
Critatron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan covers the Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flammel
ratlunchpack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Omg. Please somebody repost this as a WP.
UnionJack27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is one of the greatest questions on /r/askreddit of all time.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan's Hunger Games
rizeedd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM harry potter series. So you think dobby death just wait.
punsnjabs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HarryPotter by the equivalent of Christopher Nolan
DoctorPatience ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Akira Toriyama. It's just a Caterpillar who gets stronger as he eats and must fight for the food so he can continually get stronger so he can eat even more food. Then again I guess I could just go play Slither.io .
Somehum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Shelley covers The Handmaid's Tale.
SaveToTheADrive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by George R. R. Martin.
plastictoast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:49:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Harry Potter
A_Plant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Assholes Finish First by Hunter Thompson
sir_justthetip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
WAY late but Chicken Soup for the Soul by Charles Bukowski.
AWalker17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Stephen King
tingly_legalos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by George R.R. Martin
doghouse45 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Captian Underpants by Noam Chompsky
badjuju91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Canterbury Tales by GRRM
NonaSuomi282 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would say Terry Goodkind's cover of The Fountainhead, but Faith of the Fallen was already published years ago.
goanaog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin, Pride and Prejudice
DakDirty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asimov's Dune?
KJ6BWB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight.
Oh wait, my bad, am I not supposed to comment on how derivative that series was?
Butthole__Pleasures ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see Cormac McCarthy tell the tales of the Berenstain Bears.
Sister Bear's botched abortion at 13 that leaves her blind after a battle with sepsis. Mama Bear gets kidnapped by a Mexican drug dealer in a case of mistaken identity and is slowly tortured to death strapped to a rock in the desert in Mexico. Papa Bear runs out of gas while driving around searching for Mama Bear and dies of exposure in the desert. His body is eaten by coyotes. Brother Bear, playing unsupervised and home alone, locks himself in an abandoned refrigerator out of boredom.
Blinded Sister Bear goes out looking for him after not hearing anything about him for a few hours. She passes the refrigerator but does not know he is inside because he has fallen unconscious by that point. Finally, a police officer arrives to inform the family of Papa Bear's death. Seeing the young girl alone, the police officer rapes her. He shoots her in the head and then decides to stuff her in an old refrigerator. Finding Brother Bear's still warm corpse, he decides to stuff Sister Bear in the fridge also and then he drags the fridge with a chain attached to his truck a few miles up the road into a deep dry wash.
A breeze picks up and the police officer smells rain approaching. A lightning flash lights up the darkening desert for a moment. The first few large raindrops of the approaching storm pat the loose dust of the desert road as the police officer puts the chain back in the bed of his truck and drives off into the enclosing dark.
gonehipsterhunting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's Harry Potter
JuanDeLasNieves_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's "Eat, Prey, Love"
During the "eat" part of Italy we're met with GRRM culinary descriptions
I dare not go his narrative of sex in the Love part or Elizabeth's large brown nipples, but I'm sure the Prey part is filled with prophetic visions and a bit of rape.
Reevos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride prejudice and zombies... Oh wait that already is a cover of a book
Fart_Terror ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthey's harrowing vision of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
DrDra1ns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hatchet written by Cormac McCarthy.
tingly_legalos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill a Mockingbird by John Grisham
rundownv2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:51:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This isn't an insane mashup but honestly, Neil Gaiman covers The Wizard of Earthsea
Jinksuk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a novel, but I really want Isaac Asimov to retold the screenplay of the entire series of Doctor Who
VSloan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joan Didion's Twilight.
"We are not idealized wild things. We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or worse, ourselves. ...Edward, though. Edward was an immortal cunt."
Disrupturous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Judy Blume covering "The Bell Jar"
Interpretive_Kelp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Illiad by Hemingway
Shippuudenfreak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert Heinlein's "Guess how much I Love you"
Hemingway's "Neuromancer"
Tom Clancy's "The Clown Service"
zennim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the whole discworld series by hp lovecraft
hp could use more optimistic stories in his mind
the_doobieman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DMX reading the harry potter series
evlbb2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Guys we can't forget about Dr Seuss's Call of Cthulhu
Swampfoxx89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering any Nicholas Sparks book
Cathetle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "The Hungry Little Caterpillar"
FleaHunter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Peel covering the Harry Potter series could be really cool. He had me hooked early on with Diadem.
PixelatedSuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is basically what that 39 clues books was
sullentit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How to win friends and influence people by John Kennedy Toole
Mr_Mclovin221B ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Dr. Suess
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:53:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Harry Potter.
therealjamiev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd wanna see what magic Dr. Seuss could do with The Shining
weatherseed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings*
*A travelogue
by Bill Bryson.
lpostyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's: Green Eggs and Ham
Kalium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Graveyard Book was this, wasn't it?
JudgeMarkus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's The dark tower series and Stephen King's The Dresden files.
Jennacide88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diana Gabaldon covers A Song of Ice and Fire
onihr1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G r r Martin or Guillermo del toro take on the lord of the rings.
umlal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So long and thanks for all the memes!
sellyourselfshort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The odyssey by literally everyone!
arcedup ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite a 'cover of a novel', but there is the Shakespeare version of Star Wars .
r_redmon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A cover of A Song of Ice and Fire where the author actually finishes the story
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covering The Great Gatsby, since he has openly said he used to 'type that book out over and over again' just to get a feel for the way it was written, because he loved it so much.
Or Bill Burroughs covering War of the Worlds or 1984.
joshuad80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:54:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Douglas Adams.
Holy shit.
Miss_Eh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOTR by Bram Stoker
JustBlameJosh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Series of Unfortunate Events by Stephen King
tate_wilson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dave Barry's Johnny's Got His Gun, Kurt Vonnegut's Jurassic Park, Hunter S. Thompson's Fight Club, Chuck Palainhuk's Catcher in the Rye
segadreamcat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty shades of grey by Charles Bukowski.
BlackJesus12348 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr.Seuss Game of Thrones
Naonack87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bulgakov's Master and Margarita covered by Douglas Adams.
poop-trap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harper Lee's Hunger Games, To Kill A Mockingjay.
CountVorkosigan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:55:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sleeping Beauty by Marquis de Sade.
bulletfacepunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has happened! It's one of my favourites too, The stars' tennis balls by Stephen Fry is a modern retelling/cover of The count of Monte cristo. A nice and brutal revenge story that I heartily recommend.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Bram Stoker
gamzeemakura ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering Dr. Suess
oggie389 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Abnet writing the Liberation Trilogy
themidwestblows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King covering Charlie and the chocolate factory
tingly_legalos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Education for Death by Anne Frank
kosmic_osmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Toole doing Rumble Fish
jimholroyd365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King or Anne Rice could make "Twilight" a decent horror novel.
Trotsky4prez2k16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:56:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All quiet on the western front by Truman Capote
youPCbruh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George RR Martin. The gut wrenching deaths would be even worse.
Doink82 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
By Stephen King
Chemical_Castration ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by G.R.R. Martin
ClassicRockSnob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R Tolkien's Ready Player One
romulusjsp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a big fan of James Joyce's The Odyssey
wait
bannedfromdominos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace by Dr. Suess
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Be cool to see someone do a modern take on Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
jncheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Did you come to this question standing in the shower and thinking about bookcovers?
inspektorkemp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd pay good money to see someone as tongue-in-cheek as Rick Riordan cover something fucked up like It.
TrappedandCold ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that pretty much just called a fanfic? ๐ค
moonlightdot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much any book not written by Michael Crichton, by Michael Crichton.
killerbeeszzzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering Moby Dick.
Zokoro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Books I've never read by authors I've never heard of. I need to read more :(
youTubePlaylistMaker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not answering the question but the owner of this account accidently posted their password on a certain website (not Reddit).
If I were you I'd take that stuff down, and maybe not leave messages like "removing sensitive info from reddit" for the public to find
Ficyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enders Game by Patrick Rothfuss
Workacct1484 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune, by George R.R. martin.
I absolutely love Dune, and I love how in-depth GoT gets. So the first Dune book would probably be 2-4 books long but you would see so much more of House Harkonnen and House Korrino, the Tleilaxu, The Bene Gesseret, etc.
canis_lupus_9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Count of Monte Cristo by Shakespeare
The Odyssey by Tolkien
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Edgar Allan Poe
bluecc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:58:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, George R R Martin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
deleted What is this?
zethiks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P Lovecraft's Jurassic park
cleverseneca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Les Miserables by Alexandre Dumas
Alternatively
Count of Monte Cristo by Victor Hugo
Edit: i take it back I think I'd rather read Les Miserables as written by Tolstoy
Risuna23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by H.P. Lovecraft
theonehandedwriter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like Steven King to cover Cujo only this time he remembers writing it because he's sober. He actually doesn't remember writing it due to all of the drugs.
So I'd like sober Steven King to cover alcoholic cocaine fiend Steven King.
overcloseness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Odessy in modern English
tyrionth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time by RR Martin.
Nothing would actually happen in the whole 14 book series, just people saying "The dragon is coming... soon.... just about here"
ieatcheese1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:59:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean like fan fiction? Yeah it's already a thing.
TheMidstOfThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Marakami, Last of the Mohicans
Machoman1169 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' The Divine Comedy.
TheMidstOfThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Flannery O'Connor, The Road
treyeduncan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jrr Tolkien Harry potter
TheMidstOfThis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kerouac, The Odyssey
comboverlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR Tolkein's 'Paradise Lost' Oorrrrr Miltons 'The Lord of the Rings'
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand writes The Jungle
zmanabc123abc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:00:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of the A Song of Fire and Ice books by Ron Chernow.... Each chapter is a biography
jaaronisrael ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson's Dune
masterk00sh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's "The Great Gatsby"
feureau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Pooh by George R. R. Martin.
MOWilkinson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R L Stine presents the Shantaram series
EspejoHumeante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Can it be applied to comics? Japanese comics? Let's assume so.
Kentaro Miura (Berserk) gets to write Pokemon and Naruto and actually finishing them. Straight up making Pokemon the darkest and Naruto more realistic. Hirohiko Araki (JoJo) being another candidate.
iTT: pretty innocent and neutral stories and make them dark and actually fun.
Bourbone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Atlas Shrugged
PopeOfChurchOfTits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering The Odyssey. I just know it'd be hilarious.
KaidenIB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of thrones by Dr. Seuss
Fattybatman3456 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
n0mgoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:01:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The complete works of Charles Dickens by Timothy Zahn. I'm sure you could do better than Zahn, but he'd write the politics and the characters and the world all much better than Friggin Diggens.
Except maybe a Christmas Carol, The Muppets can have that one.
Jigglejagglez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would really enjoy Harry Potter by Stephen King
The_Perfect_Dick_Pic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:02:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s Holy Bible. I feel like he could really trim the fat and put things plainly.
inconspichusen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F. Scott Fitzgerald covering Romeo & Juliet.
JJMFB417 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - The Illiad and Odyssey
YelIowstoneJoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
mein kampf by karl marx
Polarplaid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see my favorite science fiction authors write a science fiction version of the Bible.
Jaeger00013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dark tower series by Terry Pratchett
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce's Ulysses
DankMemes2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:03:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nineteen Eighty-Four By Dr.Seuss.
TakingCareOfBizzness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King James Bible: New Testament by Chuck Palahniuk.
OB1_Shinobi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss could make Jane Eyre a million times more interesting without changing the plot at all.
sharrison_80 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice : Twilight. I would read Toilet paper if she wrote on it!
SparkLeMur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King writing the Song of Ice and Fire series. A fantastical world set in a few small towns in Maine
TheRealGWKJ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covering the Hunger Games
Goof_off_boyz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:04:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R. Toilken rewrites the bible
omar1993 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Stephanie Myer.
Hagrid: "you're a wizardwolfpire Harry!
Harry: lording edges and sparkling intensifies
alkali112 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoyevsky's "The Road"
BigBabyWisco ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covers The Bible.
Eruptflail ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lewis actually did Cupid and Psyche and it's an incredible book called Till we have Faces
WillRatePMdPics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Neil Gaiman covering the Alice in Wonderland books would make quite an interesting read.
Paige_Pants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:05:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already do, it's calledโ fanfiction. Like 50 shades to twilight.
I'd love to see Margaretโ Atwood do Hunger Games. It'd be 100x more mature and thoughtful about what a world like Katniss' would be like.
SableGear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers The Chrysalids
I really feel like I missed the point of the original, I was so preoccupied with thinking of how it could be better written. If I was to stake a stab at who could cover it, I'd say King. It needs to be more intense, play up the fanaticism, play up the body horror.
mahler5mahler5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson: Harry Potter Buys the Ticket and Takes the Ride
atomic1fire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl writes Jurassic Park.
Much of the park staff are replaced with vaguely racist midgets who engage in song accurately describing the current situation.
oompa Loompa doopity Dark.
Don't cut corners on your dinosaur park.
Oompa loompa Doopaty Durl.
You just got mauled by one clever girl.
PeopleAreStupidOMG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman writes "How to win friends and influence people".
saysthingsbackwards ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT by Dr. Seuss
4cooka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoyevsky does fierce invalids home from hot climates by Tom Robbins. I'd love to read about that nunnery.
WhiteIpadworks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Remember the Titans.
enewwave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:06:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JD Salinger's Perks of Being A Wallflower.
"I didn't know who Eileen is or why she should come on, but I could tell she was a phony."
And the part when the main character gifts the a Beatles single to his crush, it could be a broken Lennon single instead of a George song.
Yusa11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is called intertextuality and in Germany for example Gulliver's Travels has got at least 4 covers
Deipotent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Issav Asimov : Game of Thones
Slaphappyfapman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dear god no
nefaspartim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower by Dr. Seuss
Sonozar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King. BOI that would probs be off the shelves before I could get but whatever IT WOULD STILL BE AMAZING. Just imagine the descriptions of the dementors.
McClural ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's The Bible.
ebevan91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't be finished yet
n8rad3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well when musicians cover songs they use the same lyrics so covering a book would just be the same book.
beanadjuster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Margaret Atwood covering The Man in the High Tower
m703324 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Divine Comedy - Chuck Palahniuk
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:07:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everyone here has a hard on for Stephen King.
stphrsx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Baby-Sitters Club series by Stephen King
inthesandtrap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steinbeck covered King Aurthor. I wish he had finished it.
The_Caelondian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artemis Fowl, as performed by Jim Butcher.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read anything covered by u/apoemforyoursprog
FeralMuse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk. To Kill a Mockingbird.
The_Magus_199 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Les Miserables-what's that? It's called Night Watch? :p
Dostoevshmee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
EnkiHelios ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's attempt at "American Gods"
theBuddhaofGaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stinebeck's Frankenstein.
Newbiebutcool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe covering any of the Goosebumps books.
nyxeka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do already. It's called fanfiction lol
vorpalsword92 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the island of dr moreau by h.p. lovecraft
anchovypizzeria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Eyre by Margaret Atwood
throwaway_0578 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by Stephen King
muleez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss presents: Mein Kampf
topplelv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Dr Seuss.
idlikearefund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:09:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Shel Silverstein
Zathoth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's Murders in the Rue Morgue.
Ok jokes aside: Clive Barker covers classic fairy tales. (I tried to do Little Red Riding Hood in the style of Clive Barker once, it sucks XD But the idea was cool...)
Dr Suess The Call of Cthulhu.
Thomas Ligotti does Philip Marlow.
I need all three of these now.
chameleonhalo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers the Redwall series. Still get the food porn but more honest battles.
Jbird1992 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Malala covering Mein Kampf
Budhevy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar rice Burroughs writes harry potter.
mahollinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by R.L. Stine
melonhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hairy potter covered by George rr Martin
Vex_Detrause ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Andy Weir.
MoldTheClay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by GRRM
LaVonrose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The great Gatsby by hunter s. Thompson.
SiriusDogon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mickey Spillane's "The Lord of the Rings".
idlikearefund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little Women by Bill OReilly
sk_2013 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice And Fire, by Brandon Sanderson.
It'd be similar to ASOIAF, but minus some bullshit, and done in about two and a half years.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil gaiman did a cover of snow white if you're into this kind of stuff
FuegoFerdinand ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It by Clive Barker
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire covered by Neal Stephenson
Go_Fonseca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Martin - The Lord of the Rings
nintendodog1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Don Quixote' by William Shakespeare
'Of Mice and Men' by Roald Dahl
'It' by Roald Dahl
Missjaneausten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:11:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by J.K.Rowling.
Faustias ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine Dr. Seuss do a cover for HP Lovecraft's, or GW's Horus Heresy series.
Fuck it, Dr Seuss covering anything grim, dark, or grimdark.
...or GRRM covers the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.
MJMCP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, by John Irving.
Looks like we're going to the Ritz in Austria.
BehindTheRedCurtain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible...that should be an interesting one
RentsBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road or Roadside Picnic by Kurt Vonnegut
BandarSeriBegawan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gary Snyder's Walden
shanni365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Piers Anthony - The Bible
SJWmustdie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oliver Twist by John Gardner. His retelling of Beowulf was amazing.
The wind up bird chronicle by Kurt Vonnegut
rezzy333 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami writing The Foundation trilogy by Issac Asimov
itsMurphDogg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter covered by R.L. Stine
Audrin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderon rewriting from book 4 or so on of the Wheel of Time. It started great, Sanderson ended it great, the only reason I got through the middle was I was a teen and didn't know I could stop reading things when they got bad
trojanknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Kings - see spot run
jd1878 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Where the Wild Things Are' by Stephen King.
VulcanHobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Arf Arf Martin covering the Lord of the Rings series.
Arananthi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen R. Donaldson correcting Terry Goodkind. Covering. I meant covering.
overtheunderling ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson by JKR tbh
rundmc17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible by Dr. Seuss
Unt4medGumyBear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
frankly this is very much what watching plays is like. Most people very involved in theater have read the major cannon of plays and every single time you watch a play you've read it's like seeing how someone else interprets your favorite book or your least favorite book. This is particularly the case with older plays (shakespeare) or plays everyone and their mother has seen (Waiting for Godot, also shakespeare, Arthur Miller) to where sometimes watching Romeo and Juliet can feel like watching M.Night Shymalan's rewrite of it into a Overdramatic thriller or Damien Chazelle's Rom Com modern retake of Romeo and Juliet. It's honestly really great.
Ezaric ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss writes "A song of Wind and Stone". The story of John Snow as he runs around westeros acting a fool, getting in debt with the Iron bank of Braavos, and learning to be a sexual demigod from the Children of the forest.
sdlite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time series, covered by Pat Rothfuss.
dragoncockles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id love to see a more adult harry potter series. id say george rr martin, but then all my favorite characters would be dead. neil gaiman woule be fun. robert jordan would be good too. id be interested to see what alan moore would do to change it. id also love to see the lightning thief "covered" because as much as i love the book, its written for a pretty young age.
yolomania4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gone With the Wind by Stephen King
maggotshavecoocoons2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Lord of the Rings has been covered about 50 million times.
And that's ok, it's just how it is.
Kulaid871 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Weir doing a cover of Harry Potter. Well written and easy to understand science behind magic.
tour79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King to finish what GRR Martin started. I don't think he's the best, but he pushes out work like few other authors. At least I could finish in books what I started, instead of finishing on HBO like I am now.
macblastoff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Farewell to Arms, Ft. James Michener.
A little back story and some adjectives might make Hemingway interesting.
VoodooToaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty much any author who writes WH40K material, covering world war z
behemuthm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Vladimir Nabokov
kingster108 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
East of Eden by Patrick Rothfuss
SGT_Chowdown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"James Joyce's Love Letters" by Stephenie Meyer and EL James.
ieatoldswedishberrys ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Harry Potter' by Stephen King.
That's a whole lot of scary.
EthyleneGlycol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter bought to you by Fyodor Dostoevsky.
Evenfluxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:15:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Asoiaf
chibuezephoibos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rands Harry Potter.
Flying_noodle_dicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's rendition of my favorite book: "The Horse And His Boy".
Creepy_OldMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton and "Holes"
thepilotofepic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by George RR Martin
Nhawk257 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King, Hunger games
SushiGradeNarwhal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bryan Lee O'Malley covering Harry Potter would be sweet.
Sianoq ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert covers Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.
The philosophical titan takes on a more 'modernly' styled philosophical hit.
abbeyjay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ken Kesey's Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Hifi_Hokie ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:17:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The secret is acid.
InclusivePhitness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fitzgerald doing Ready Player One
ThePyrebring3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. R. R. Tolkien Presents: The Dragonriders of Pern
idlikearefund ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:16:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Chuck Palahniuk
SVMESSEFVIFVTVRVS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think if Jack London wrote a book for the movie interstellar it would be amazing.
Melville writing LOTR would be incredible, if boring sometimes.
breadbowl2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DFW does son also rises
Go_Fonseca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown - Game of Thrones
bluecollaredboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fitzgeralds "Twilight"
goldenewsd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The thing by Peter Watts
Flexiwing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown does The Bible.
northrupthebandgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey by Stephanie Meyer.
DarkishFriend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Less sex more Christ. Also 50 Shades of Grey was a Twilight fanfic.
northrupthebandgeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Exactly. It comes full circle.
The_UnApologist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by Cormack McCarthy.
cylerrubin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A tale of Two Cities by Orson Scott Card.
"It was the worst of times, because France was populated by homosexuals instead of Mormons..."
rotkinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Steven King
Alittlefishy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:17:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter - Brandon Sanderson
I hope this has already been said, teenage me would melt.
VulcanHobo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austin cover of Jurassic Park. A coming of age tale about a female T-rex that gets her period and is swooned by a male T-Rex.
scootarded ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
BYO Records did a split series where 2 bands would cover each other's songs on the same album. This would be fun with authors.
alcheMistsz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's take on Horton Hears a Who
aladdinr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin doing the goosebumps book of that puppet that came to life. Or his take on Harry Potter
Guttervixen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Kings Harry Potter series
sarthak96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I remember manga authors frequently do that. They add their own style in crossovers
KnowledgeBroker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The stand.
coffee_o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kim Stanley Robinson's "Great Expectations"
Lubcke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watership down by Neil Gaiman
justanotherdaydream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:18:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by Stephen King
jaysonusa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it might be "Kafka covers the animorph series" that sounds good.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Carlin: Love in a Time of Cholera
BitchesLoveCoffee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jurassic Park, by Neil Gaiman.
RageOfGandalf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ya know, I've actually thought about this.
JK Rowling does The Picture of Dorian Grey
Or Lovecraft does American Psycho
Big_Brudder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, by GRR Martin
The boy who lived.... or did he?
kingster108 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Eliezer Yudkowsky
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Leo Tolstoy.
27cardmonte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Game of Thrones by James Patterson. All seven books written in one year. Each chapter is two pages long.
4inR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artemis Fowl by Ayn Rand.
jaythaprxphet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Da Vinci Code by Arthur Conan Doyle
jeonyubi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:20:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman presents A Song of Ice and Fire.
Pokesers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fantastic Mr. Fox by Stephen King
zzzzzzzz414 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Narnia series by Philip Pullman.
Space___Geek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Notebook by Stephen King
NickwithahardR ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
chuck palahniuk covering the Bible.
I know I am late but, Jesus, that would be an epic book.
paporone99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Zorba the Greek - Nikos Kazantzakis. Would love to read that :)
Kold_Out_Thurr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Jk Rowling. Have something to the effect of "covering" a book ever been done?
fs2d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Bible" by Chuck Palahniuk
RougeFury ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "Fifty Shades of Grey"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by J.R.R Tolkien
Itr0llhoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Silence of the Lambs by Chuck Palahniuk
McDouggal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would respect anyone who tried to cover the Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan.
Fucking middle of the series is denser than the boring parts of the old testament.
kaihogyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
catcher in the rye by albert camus
Bart_Thievescant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chaucer's "The Hobbit," which would be called "A Hobbit's Tale."
And would have baudy scenes of dwarves getting branded in dark places.
LordMaxentius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by George R. R. Martin.
SpoonGuilder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Kafka
Vixy6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Junot Diaz does To the Lighthouse
Supreme_Sook ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Stephen King
Legendzinger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 - Stephen King.
MrHe98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Dr. Seuss
gotanychange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gass does John Gardner and vice-versa
CherryRiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:23:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter rewritten by Stephen King might work.
OmerKeren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway - 50 Shades of Grey
Brettersson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raymond Chandler rewrites all other detective novels.
metalfabman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
THE PRINCE by stephen king
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'To Kill a Mockingbird' by J.R.R. Tolkien
I'd like the part where the elves put a dwarf on trial for a false rape accusation.
typingbacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harper Lee's One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
Sturdybody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King - Cat and the Hat. It would be the fucked up horror show it actually feels like.
Stephanie Mayer - Lord of the Rings. It would be the book version of a Glee Queen cover. Still Lord of the Rings, just gayer and less interesting.
JakScott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see both Alan Moore's "The Walking Dead" and Robert Kirkman's "Watchmen," actually.
Vixy6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell does Eat.Pray.Love.
LiGangwei ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:24:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh so this is what r/Jokes is really about
karl_w_w ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Time Machine covered by Terry Pratchett
Oh, that's right :'(
lazy_eye_of_sauron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tho House on Mango Street, by Vladimir Nabokov
genghiskhant1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Martian by Douglas Adams
russellridenour ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote by George R.R. Martin....
fattikusbraddikus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Pynchon's Life of Pi.
"Piscine swallowed handfuls of salt water, and what's that? Richard Parker seems to be having a go at his Richard. Piscine stares down at his own crotch, realizes he has an erection, reminding him of the time back in Pondicherry when his dog used to lick its asshole after it ate dinner, wondering whether or not there's something to the toots of gas slipping out of its pinkish eyeball, and continues to watch the tiger's autofellatio session."
GorillaonWheels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlotte's Web by George R.R. Martin. We would just have to wait 20 years.
PicklesAreDope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones by Robert Jordan.
better writing, and literally 10 times the completion speed.
he wrote the first 11 books in 15 years and he was literally dying the last 5.
oh and it only took 4 years for the ghost writer (brandon sanderson) to finish 12 and then 3 more years till all the last THREE were done!!!
Zaronixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderdon isn't a ghost writer. His name's on the cover. Maybe co-author is more appropriate. There's probably a more technical term for it though.
DerHofnarr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Harry Potter
Neil Gaiman's Chronicles of Prydain
DeathGodBob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The whole Harry Potter series as written by Jim Butcher.
deus_machinima ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The stormlight archive by Brandon Sanderson feat. Patrick Rothfuss
EyetheVive ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Robert Jordan. Would probably be about 3 times as long though
dmoted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:25:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always said "The Magicians" is as if J.D. Salinger wrote Harry Potter, with an ironic Narnia twist.
leahwiththemoonshoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Siddartha" by Patrick Rothfuss
MaggotyMolinist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Might sound weird but anything Star Wars by Michael Crichton
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Psycho by George RR Martin
chokingonlego ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covers The Last Question by Isaac Asimov.
"The two men sat, playing checkers and drinking, much to the disapproval of their respective spouses and children. That is, the ones who still had their spouses and children. Many had been lost in a weaponized use of Vogon poetry against Earth 24.5 c, edition 3, where they were forced to migrate after the heat death of their past 25.5 universes.
What happened to the one missing universe, the one vacant between "24.5", and "25.5"? We don't know. Once again, it was likely the result of the previous attempt to weaponize Vogon poetry.
The two men were tasked with guarding an advanced supercomputer, one the on-board scientists were all too happy to use. Likely for the purpose of viewing Betelguesian reproduction, which had proven all too popular in the galaxy net. How'd they convinced the world government to fund what came out to be a giant spank bank machine for their think tank? The world will never know.
Now back to the two men, casting off their problems with inebriation and board games, like a certain species of lizard discards clothing.
"Hey? You know that big machine we're supposed to be guarding?"
hic
"Yeah. Apparently you can talk to it and stuff, we should try it."
Out of the blue, what arose is as likely as the possibility as a seizure-driven monkey on a keyboard bashing out Beethoven's Third Symphony, but backwards, recomposed into a popular song in 21st century humor known as "All Star", by a famed electro-blues-funk duo known by the name of "Smash Mouth".
One of the men asked "Is there a way to outlive the universe, and bring it back to existence?"
I could tell you the answer, dear reader, but if I were to do so then this story wouldn't be this much fun.
zumurrudthegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Salman Rushdie writing Lord of the Rings.
Erich Remarque writing War and Peace.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Suezetta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is basically how writing worked for thousands of years. A lot of author's covered older stories, mixing it with their own style, because copyrights didn't exist. A good chunk of Chaucer's Canterbury tales is just him retelling much older stories in his own style. A huge amount of Gower's Confessio Amantis is basically just Ovid's Metamorphoses. They even both covered a few of the same stories in their works, in very different styles. Authorship was very much about covering the classics and adding a new spin to it to make it interesting for modern readers.
Mikeypizzle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams version The Bible.
InProblematique ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's pretty easy for me. It's not like a totally over-the-top idea like Lord of the Flies feat. Roald Dahl, but I would fucking love to see LotR "covered" by a great modern fantasy writer like Brandon Sanderson. Pat Rothfuss could maybe pull it off, but he kind of specializes in first person character writing. GRRM would turn it into this super dense political fantasy drama, and that would put a lot of people off. Sanderson is the only guy I can think of off the top of my head who could potentially elevate LotR and turn it into something brand new and super fucking rad.
Spadie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
At the Mountains of Madness by Lovecraft done by... too many horror writers to count.
LAViking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1Q84 by Neil Gaiman
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Go The Fuck To Sleep' by Bob Ross
DoctorLink ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:27:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Jim Butcher. Lets see what he can do with a different Harry
ProgressiveJedi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Elizabeth Warren.
Mikehideous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson remaking the Kingkiller series. Because then we would actually get book 3 within two decades of book 1.
icarus14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's "Game of thrones" series.
Quinnycola ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Green's version of Life of Pi
Girth-Wind-Fire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Wheel of Time" by Patrick Rothfuss
lazy_eye_of_sauron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goosebumps: Night of the Living Dummy, by Harlan Ellison
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote by Hunter S Thompson
kristalsoldier ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd (partly tongue in cheek) say...Michael Porter writing Jonathan Littel's "The Kindly Ones"!!!
EvilStevilTheKenevil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Rama series by Michael Crichton (hopefully without the shitty 'oh yeah, it's god' ending).
Claylock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club covered by Shel Silverstein
AkNiz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:28:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
McCarthy covering The Lord of the Rings trilogy and/or the Hobbit.
Actually, scratch that, just LotR.
Tonamel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stranger, by Murakami.
sovietterran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Brandon Sanderson.
I do think that Rowling is gifted, but I just dislike her approach to world building and plot creation.
Peffern2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covers EVERYTHING
Salt-circles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Chronicles of Narnia by Salman Rushdie
dreamingofdandelions ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King covering Harry Potter.
tenkadaiichi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Chronicles of Amber, by either Neil Gaiman or Brandon Sanderson.
HopefulRomantic_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oliver Twist by Mark Twain, The Stranger by Paulo Coelho
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's cover of Ernest Hemingway's A Farewell To Arms. Honestly, he can cover any of Hemingway's novels and I'd still love to read it.
Rakmon_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:29:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by the based god Tao Lin.
ComradeStrange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bernard Cornwell covers Redwall series.
thequeenofsiam ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catcher in the Rye by George Saunders
zumurrudthegreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:30:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Umberto Eco writing Dune omg that'd be epic
cancerous_176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling presents the Bible
coconut69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King
Punderstruck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just want to say that I wish this was a thing that happened.
Turd_Burgling_Ted ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Cormac McCarthy cover some fantasy. LOTR seems a little cliche, but would do. His Dark Materials would be pretty cool. I really just want to see him sink his teeth into something far removed from the gritty reality he usually portrays.
The Hellbound Heart as written by Chuck Palahniuk seems like it would be pretty goddamn amazing in my head.
Secret4gentMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:31:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably read some Jane Austin novels if they only included zombies...
miikro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Z. Danielewski's Frankenstein
therealkurumi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"50 Shades of Gray" by Margaret Atwood
d3adbor3d2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
salman rushdie doing american gods
LustfulPriest757 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:32:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"1984" by Allen Ginsberg
Joshywah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Dr.Seuss
MelonMan773 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher in the Rye by Neil Gaiman
ThisIsCronan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'It' by Charles Dickens
thedarkpurpleone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DC Comics cover of Don Quixote featuring Batman.
j6ck6l ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DEFINITELY a J.K. Rowling cover of Sphere, by Michael Crichton.
elvismcvegas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown's take on screen simulacra and simulation.
neverneverland1032 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. D. Salinger's Pride and Prejudice
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's Inferno by Miguel de Cervantes
smokiebacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Dan Brown
AstroTwatter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by Joseph Conrad
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:33:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering the bible... Although it's not really a novel, is it?
thellimist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joe Abercrombie - A Song of Ice and Fire.
PeasantryIntensifies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Hillary Clinton
mike117113 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:34:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wealth of Nations- George Orwell
Brainfreeze1100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The only thing I gained from this thread was massive disappointment that none of these will ever actually exist โน๏ธ
DrEmanuelBlum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seus' 1984
eat_a_diaper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The lighting thief by Stephen King
mclomza91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The house of leave covered by dr suess or Edgar Allan Poe
Anal_Lickage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:35:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what an awesome question!
naricstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Pride and Prejudice" by Seth Grahame-Smith
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
His dark materials by jk rowling
MrScarletMelrose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nick Hornby's Top 5 Songs of Ice and Fire
TacticalLeemur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:36:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore's Pride & Prejudice
VehementlyAmbivalent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "The Odyssey"
NotHardcore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Henry rollins.
nadineisreading ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:37:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally anything retold by Hemingway.
indiankimchi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by JK Rowling
I would've actually liked to read that...
BeeboUrieWay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
13 Reasons Why by My Chemical Romance
Kohgahn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:38:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Diehl's To Kill a Mockingbird.
MrPecanSandy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I WOULD READ THE BOOK ABOUT HOW I FUCKED YOUR MOM.
cripplearmy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Dr Seuss
eggsssssssss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody Poops by James Joyce. The Road by Shel Silverstein. The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Mark Twain. Slaughterhouse-Five by Dr. Seuss 50 Shades of Grey, Marquis de Sade.
Shakespeare covered works all the time. Ben Jonson woulda sued the shit outta ol' Willy S. in these times.
Arcillgor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reddit has too much of a hard on for fantasy writers.
IAMAbutthole420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hunger Games" by Judy Blume
Disrupturous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ian McEwan covering Tess of the Dubervilles
BoringSupreez ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:39:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Man I thought the answers would be more interesting. Everyone just wants YA fiction authors to cover other YA fiction series.
underbite420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I the only idiot that wants to hear the hunter games. Hunter S. Thompson covering the hunger games
unknownwordsmith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1-John green covers Game of Thrones. 2- George R.R. Martin covers The Notebook.
naginarb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering Harry Potter. That would be amazing.
HadesWTF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Iliad and The Odyssey by Neil Gaiman.
After reading Norse Mythology this is the first thing that comes to mind.
cornmelon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E.L. James, Twilight. oh...wait...
Disrupturous ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Salman Rushdie covering Hamlet
SirLawkard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible by Friedrich Nietzsche
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimon did a "cover" of the Poetic Edda
2nuhmelt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Redwall" by George RR Martin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Ligotti's Apeshit!
naginarb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy (RIP) writing a James Bond Novel.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce does Alice in Wonderland
neoslith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C.S. Lewis presents: Journey to the Center of the Earth.
matzoh_farfeler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catch 22 by John Kennedy Toole
Hereticalnerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It'd be kinda neat to see Rothfuss do the expanse, or really any science fiction.
Or for him to cover his own damn books...
paulapoundsign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:41:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" by Fyoder Dostoevsky
Minmax231 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett does Eragon.
m3rc3n4ry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' covering the Bible or at least Gospel of John.
... Cos he was a militant atheist.
LordNelson27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mrs. Dalloway by James Joyce
Graytown77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Dr Seuss
Eyfogettaboutit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible: by Hirohiko Araki
nikitafiveoh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:42:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R Martin the entire Harry Potter lineage of books.
rockidol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Chuck Palahniuk
WafflesGaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Gray: by Dr. Seuss
LordNelson27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses by Virginia Woolf
Ryan_Duderino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by Hunter S. Thompson.
WithFullForce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by the prophet Muhammed.
Vigilantx3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Song of Ice and Fire as finished by Brandon Sanderson
stealthxstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:43:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love a Neil Gaiman cover of Harry Potter.
killedbygavrilo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace - Catch-22
ClipYourDirtyWings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gone Girl by Bret Easton Ellis or American Psycho by Gillian Flynn
kirby777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling and the story of King Arthur.
dodofeather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's "Harry Potter and the Plethora of Dead Teenagers"
paintwhore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L. Stein, The Chronicles of Narnia
Squenv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:44:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick, by Christopher Moore. 100% more swearing and screwy characters, 100% less stupid tangents about whale fat and the color white. Also, the whale may be either a whale-ship from the Goo, or it may be replaced with a strange fantasy creature like Catch the asshole demon or Steve the lust lizard.
"For a vengeful, batshit crazy fuckwad, Captain Ahab looked pretty good."
"Hello. I'm. . . actually, fuck it. I'm not going to be called by my actual name, I hate my real name. How about Ishmael? That works, right?"
"The whale slipped its flukes above the surface of the sea, and waved at our ship so we could read the words written on it: "HA HA".
"Wow," I said to the Captain; his face was the same shade of red as my sunburned ass. "No wonder you hate that whale. That whale's kind of an asshole."
BillyClinton3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by J.K. Rowling.
Roccobot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by David Foster Wallace
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Divine Comedy by William S. Burroughs.
Chiz798 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:45:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss covering The Hunger Games
Forbidden_Donut503 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:46:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Blood Meridian" by Shel Silverstein.
bluewhalespout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible: Stephanie Meyer
karmas_for_jackasses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy, The Hobbit
CruzAderjc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers The New Testament. If you think this is going to have a good ending, you haven't been paying attention.
Ugh, St. Peter is trapped in that damned Egyptian Knot plot.
The Last Supper was an unexpected massacre
Who knew that John the Baptist loved whores so much?
Jesus loved his sister
Ramdoriak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin writes Harry Potter
monistowl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by James Joyce
matrixknight88 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:48:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or Gertrude Stein
AdorablyDead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering anything but especially his take on anything Clive Barker has written.
NukeML ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Matilda by H.P. Lovecraft
KraiNexar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:47:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore covers the Witcher
TheHuscarl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's rendition of the Iliad would be something to see. George R.R. Martin's rendition would also be pretty good.
johannvaust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Irving: Cloud Atlas
supremecrafters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like Orson Scott Card's "A Wind in the Door" could get pretty trippy.
I'd also love to read Anne McCaffrey's "The Time Machine", Frank Herbert's Arthurian Saga, or Isaac Asimov's "Dragonriders of Pern".
ttuba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill a Mockingbird by Mark Twain.
Snabe121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:48:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible written by The Buddha
Papsmeere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:49:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coming late and gonna get buried but so for the consensus is something something and Dr. Seuss.
Stephen King covering Edgar Poe would be cool rite.
Source: was a goth kid.
Hudson3205 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People already do that with unofficial sequels to war of the worlds
highs-and-LOWS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin
Sdavis2911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Inheritance Cycle done by J.R.R. Tolkien.
cancerous_176 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 Karl Marx edition
KIRKeenan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E. L. James and The Harry Potter series.
fuzzyasspeaches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diary of Anne Frank by Dr. Seuss
smithunbound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James S.A. Corey cover Starship Troopers
clownbigmole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:50:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ursula le guin does short stories based in the Song of Ice and Fire universe
bartle_by ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Confederacy of Dunces by JG Ballard.
Ineffable_yet_f-able ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Harry Potter" by Hunter S. Thompson
Rinascita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Brandon Sanderson. We'd get extremely detailed understanding of the magic, and it'd be glorious.
Watership Down by Glen Cook or Steven Erickson. Now the rabbits' adventure is intense and gritty and even more dark.
monetized_account ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:51:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually this is not a new thing.
For the past couple of decades is been in vogue in Science Fiction and Fantasy, for example. You can find books of fan-fiction by popular authors as anthologies and short-story collections.
DogsEatBones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:52:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Far From The Madding Crowd - provincial English realism meets the Acid Western.
read_pill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The wheel of women's oppression by Margaret Atwood
rubydrops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald trump (and his ghost writer) and his "tremendous" Bible. Kellyanne Conway and her take on making friends and influence.
thisideups ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk - The Bible
mslrrules ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Oh the places you'll go' Cover by James King
B1gWh17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Redwall Series- by George R.R. Martin
Adombom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:54:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Danielle Steele covers "Honda Civic 1984 - 1987 Hayes Repair Manual"
Badger-Actual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Cormac McCarthy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One by F. Scott Fitzgerald
OrangeMeppsNumber5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Joseph Heller cover The Grapes of Wrath.
JackLaen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already do though, granted not quite the way you'd think. Authors take old stories and things in the public domain and re-write them to their own idea all the time, though it usually only happens to super iconic pieces of fiction, but won't happen to anything new for awhile because of copyright laws.
CarpetsMatchDrapes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP this has got to be one of the greatest ask reddit threads in a long time. Good job
phasegen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's been done with Robert Heinlein's Starship Trooper. It was rewritten as Armor by John Steakley and is vastly better.
TheMeltingSnowman72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ian Fleming. The Hungry Caterpillar
largelyuncertain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:55:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
F. Scott Fitzgerald's Dangerous Liaisons. Which, actually, probably wouldn't be super different. Huh.
chinadonkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My two favorite novels are basically this already: Infinite Jest is David Foster Wallace covering Hamlet, while Ulysses is Joyce's mashup of Venus in Furs and Little Women.
TheMaskedFerrett ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. D. Salinger's version of Alice in Wonderland. Alice gets drunk far more often than in the original
TheMeltingSnowman72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:56:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ian Fleming. The Hungry Caterpillar
bikermonk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:57:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Poppins by Albert Camus.
SquareOfHealing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't they already do this? It's called "retellings" or "reinterpretations" in books, and "remakes" in films and games.
Slippaz86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robinson Crusoe, by Cormac McCarthy
The Kingdom of this World, by Leslie Marmon Silko
Daisy Miller, by Djuna Barnes
EDIT: Also, Under the Volcano, by Hunter S. Thompson
zombiecaticorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:58:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grimm's Fairy Tales by E.L. James.
akalliss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by William Gibson
underbite420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I didn't mean to FORCE my opinion on you
horizoner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Art of the Deal' by Jonathan Swift
'Infinite Jest' by Joseph Heller
'Confessions of an Economic Hitman' by Mario Puzo
AvellionB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson presents Pride and Predjeduce
prettysnarky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham by Clive Barker.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:59:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clifford The Big Red Dog by Marquis de Sade
Hegiman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn By Orson Scott Card
AgentSauce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson taking on really any Clive Cussler novel.
nebulasailor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Scarlet Letter by really any author. I loved the story and the actual characters. However, I absolutely despise Hawthorne's writing. The core ideas are brilliant; he just could not put pen to paper well.
lunaroyster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:00:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's 'Communist Manifesto'
Borne2Run ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy covers War of the Worlds.
Amusingg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What if a band were to cover a poem? Like Radiohead doing The Raven.
What if an author were to cover a movie? Like George R R Martin covering The Matrix.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Philip K Dick.
DystopianDipshit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alternatively: The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick, by God.
ADrunkenChemist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRR Martin covers Vampirates: Demons of the Ocean
at the very least more action would happen other than 1 old guy dying because "oops"
... Thats what I get though for buying a book because the title was a pun that made me laugh.
TheRetroTech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs, and Ham by Stephen King or James Patterson
crimsoneagle1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:01:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King, The Bible
crackedoak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kiss the girls Stan Miller
greenrimtim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible. By Richard Dawkins.
shiann121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:02:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see Stephen King cover "Twilight."
Make it scary, not sparkly.
BurgerBacons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One Trick Pony by J.D. Salinger
spxrkle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sylvia Plath's take on Great Gatsby might make me like Daisy and I can't decide if I hate that or love it
MosheMoshe42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas adams' "Dune"
xylotism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's "Goosebumps"
markoshino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martins Harry Potter Stephen Kings Spiderwick Chronicles
NoMoreMrSpiceGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will re-read every single book I've ever read if covered by Stephen King.
iLEZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson covers The name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss.
Senor_Rubio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk presents "Slaughter House V"
OldLamborghiniThere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Night Angel Trilogy by George R. R. Martin. The writing feels similar to me but George would do a better job of not writing with his penis, if he wrote it at all.
Talisman192 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:04:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin: Wheel of Time books.
MerelyJoking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoyevski - The Dresden Files
my-snores-are-music ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any novel by another author, covered by George RR Martin.
Abrother2All ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Boys Life by Stephen King
urbenator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The new generations of people will judge books by their covers.
MerelyJoking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:05:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sanderson - Lord Of The Rings
TrollingThunder1965 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the rings by George R. R. Martin
hlctchr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump's "The Constitution of the United States of America"
..oh, wait, he's already in the process of rewriting that one
Skysky0529 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Handmaiden's Tale by J.K Rowling.
Death_by_Blowjob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:06:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, by Cormac McCarthy
detection23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King
mynameisalso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:07:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't authors already do this?
mrrogerssweatre ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rozencrantz and guildenstern are dead
Yaboisteve69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wish I read enough to understand even one of these references.
thevegitations ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump's
IvankaLolitadr4gonbl4z3r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be a great writing prompt
VampirePenguin22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The stand, J R R Tolkien
SarnXero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:08:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snow Crash by Scott Westerfield
chiqeen03 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R. Martin
Dougdahead ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's- A game of thrones
Draco_Septim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:09:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by J.K Rowling
ArchangelleSnek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat, Pray, Love by Chuck Palahniuk
l1tdoomer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Divine Comedy. In prose not poem.
gahd95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Anne Frank
MildlyMild ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude who wrote game of thrones writing Harry Potter.
Daniel_A_Johnson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As an aside, if anyone who answered Cormac McCarthy hasn't read the blog Yelp-ing With Cormac, you're missing out on something pretty amazing.
sociallyawkward12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway said he always wanted to read Turgenev's version on War and Peace
shoukounetsu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ItalicsWhore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by George RR Martin.
kingsalm0n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to see someone like Brandon Sanderson fix the mess Anthony Ryan made out of Blood Song's two sequels, Tower Lord and Queen of Fire.
AstroMuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible
daernoth35312 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L. Stine's ,"Fright Club"
strictlybootypms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:11:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rudyard Kipling's Watership Down
ShireHumpfrey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's take on the Sandman Slim series and, in turn Richard Kadrey's American Gods.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher In The Rye, by Charles Bukowski.
strictlybootypms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Life of Pi by Friedrich Nietzsche
raybeamsjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Blood Meridian' by Stephen King
warplains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Robert Greene.
A Song of Ice and Fire by JK Rowling.
48 Laws of Power by George RR Martin.
The Divine Comedy by Stephen King.
I don't even care if they would be good or bad. I just feel they would be entertaining to read.
dadsquatch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:12:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Hunter S. Thompson
Ayzaye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L Steine's version of Harry Potter.
visdisc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not covers but different narratives, like 'Faust': there's the one by Marlow, Short and mythical, and the one by Goethe, Long and poetic.
Foxemerson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Cujo
Bryan4991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A cover or 'war and peace' made by George RR Martin.
ShredUniverse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare mostly did covers.
from:http://www.shakespeare-online.com/faq/shakespeareinspired.html
Also The Divine Comedy was basically Aeneid fanfiction...which was basically a fanfic of the Odyssey and the Illiad.
So covers and fanfics are totally a thing in serious literature.
EDIT: I would totally read The Kama Sutra by Dr. Seuss.
TaquacoreKaaBa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kafka's Trilogy by John Updike. John the Baptist foreshadowed Christ, John Updike introduces Kafka I'm KB Updike Jr, Kafka's the Castle, the Trial, Amerika are all unfinished and star K, B is the second part my free online novel Eschillion Key is Kafkaesque because surreal, my French Louka step family own partial estate of a Castle in France, I endured a Trial in Amerika for drunk driving.
strictlybootypms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Upton Sinclair redoing Horatio Alger
Therealeasybake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft's "The Mist"
youlittleturd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham by George R.R. Martin
Sleepytoast3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering Harry Potter
I just wanna see how this shit would go down.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter Series by George R R Martin. No argument.
DrunknAzn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Samuel L Jackson
smokeout3000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by r.r. martin
stiffspaghetti ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's Diary of a Wimpy Kid
BuckeyeCon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:15:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by E.L. James
briandn18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oprah Winfrey - The Dharma Bums
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Dr. Suess.
Lectricanman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joseph Heller's take on Neuromancer.
Horny_Rooster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:16:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Gospel according to Sam
IWIN3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Twilight or 50 shades was written by James Joyce.
That'll fix it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Romantic Comedy -Grimm Brothers
micubit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:17:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of The Cat in the Hat
MosaicDream ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Robert Jordan.
EarlofDankcaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R. Martin
Irrissann ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOTR by George RR Martin
dammed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Phillip Pullman
LetsGoChuckTaylor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like, this might be the best question I've ever seen.
TheRoscoeJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:18:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - Harry Potter series.
FiggyDiggz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's "The Bible"
Runewaybur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher, IT.
saneolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe Brandon Sanderson, eragon
tricksovertreats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher in the Rye by Stephanie Meyer
Noxbl00d ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:19:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter series by George R.R. Martin
Courtbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anyone covering the scarlet letter. Great story with terrible writing.
bahbuhbah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Chuck Palahniuk
Taiwanderful ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William S Burroughs, Harry Potter and the Sexy Gallows
TheRoscoeJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:20:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson - Percy Jackson
WeirdAlfredo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Robbins covering Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas
skpicky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings version of The Notebook.
PurpleMonkeyElephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read Douglas Adams take on The Hobbit! Don't you?
fithen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:21:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
P.L. Travers - The Necronomicon
generousone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson's Old Man and the Sea
bahbuhbah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games, by Chuck Palahniuk
Basaltir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great Expectations by China Mieville
BaneofGalaxy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not nearly well-read enough to give a good answer to this question, but I just want to say thank you for opening up this discussion! It has made me aware of many different authors and novels that I wasn't acquainted with before. I'm feeling better and better about getting back into reading again after so long.
TartarusMkII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see people try to cover Lord of the rings. A lot of people have problems with how descriptive the novels are. I wonder how the entire experience could come across differently if someone else wrote it
TaylorWK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:22:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Men by George R.R. Martin
Rojo_Dolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Dr. Seuss.
daconman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Heart of Darkness
letheix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Scarlet Letter by Margaret Atwood
scotscott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pritchett's "the lion, the Witch, and the wardrobe"
elscorcho2121 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shogun by Robert Graves
TBAAAGamer1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:23:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king presents: the cat in the hat
whit3lightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ray Bradbury. Twilight.
chubbymouse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Expanse' novels by M John Harrison.
rinnhart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Foundation
pileofsweaters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Agatha Christie
Upvoterforfun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter s. Thompson Harry potter
InLamestTerms ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace with a modernized cover of Dostoevskyโ's Crime and Punishment. They're sort of similar writers so I feel like it would work well, but also dissimilar enough to make it interesting.
PingTiao ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:24:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore's "Les Miserables"
dualcalamity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the flies by H.P Lovecraft
hypoferramia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of the following covered by Dr Seuss:
The Bible
50 Shades of Grey
The Bill of Rights
johnnybaker12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:25:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Raven by Stephen King easily
apaloosafire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami's Fight Club
hamernaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Waiting for Godot" by Hunter S. Thompson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson: The hobbit. I have npo idea what this would look like, and that's the appeal
OneFinalEffort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:26:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eragon AKA the Inheritance Cycle by Brandon Sanderson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People who don't understand that a song has to be written before a person dies for that person to cover it
Escritor_Boliviano ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by L Ron Hubbard
SimonCallahan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Furiously Happy by Stephen King
It would be a book about his cocaine years.
hohkyo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What an amazing interpretation of fan fiction! I'm going to suggest we use this analogy at my writer's group. Cheers :)
PM_ME_BITS_OF_CODE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell covering Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Alternatively: Dr Seuss covering Animal Farm
stopgap12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:27:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bridge to Terabithia by P.G. Wodehouse
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elmore Leonard covering Stephen King's Bill Hodges' Trilogy.
hazlilley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king presents: Hunger Games
Schnickles_das_fritz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wizard and Glass by George RR Martin
Kelzer66 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin, The Dark Tower.
connor-ross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Very Hungry Caterpillar -Stephen King
Surprises119 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Julio Cortรกzar's Macbeth, Chuck Palahniuk s Hamlet, and Stephen King's Frankenstein.
whitericenotbrown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Anne of Green Gables" by Stephanie Meyer
christmas52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that called "fanfiction"? ie: 50 Shades being a Twilight cover?
Zekromaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nope, we're talking full "Rewrite the story from beginning to the end - keeping the important parts of the plot - in your own style".
micropedant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maurice Sendak's Moby Dick.
Jarsky2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If someone covered Tolkein's work and cut out the drivel I'd die happy.
I love those books. I do. But I love nothibf enough to ever read an entire chapter dedicated to a freaking sunrise again.
cronchuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Horton finds a who, by Stephen King
jordanbrower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Green, The Great Gatsby
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Matthew, Mark, Luke & John
DrinkVictoryGin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's version of The Great Gatsby
samtravis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to read a Hunter S. Thompson gonzo version of Lord of the Rings, told first-person by Gandalf in the style of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
fuzzyasspeaches ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art of the Deal by Howie Mandel
NotNorthD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:30:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Stephen King
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by Bret Easton Ellis
squags ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charles Bukowski - War and Peace:
โYes, love, ...but not the love that all those arseholes give, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying in my own shit, I saw my enemy and loved him for seeing me as the prick I've always been and not giving a fuck to me or anyone else either way. I knew that feeling of love which is the essence of the soul, that you can only know after the third $20 bottle of rye whiskey alone in the dark above the typewriter with smoke and tears in your eyes - after the bitch has left and taken the dog too.
And I know that blissful feeling now too. To love one's work; to love the coward's march towards death ('cause that's what we all are who stay in our rooms and can't pull the trigger); to love the peaceful isolation away from the Cindy's and the Betty's of the world who only want me for my poems. But never to love the cocksuckers, bitching about their sweethearts who wouldn't stick around for a slick combover on top of a cheap idiot with no talents except shitting from both ends.
To love everything, for what it is - nothing. Some bitch hanging onto your cock can be loved with human love; but an enemy can only be loved once you realise that the only difference between you and him is the distance from mouth to arsehole. And that's what all the world is anyway - mouths and arseholes; eating and shitting."
EDIT: Grammar
rabidpirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have loved to see a Tom Clancy take on Hamlet. Honestly, the subject matter seems right up his alley.
drozell ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:31:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Shel Silverstein
Charybdis1618 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher does Harry Potter. I'd love for the magic to suddenly stop being plot-convenient, and have to follow actual rules. I'd love to watch events unfold in halfway-logical ways, rather than whatever moves Harry to the next plot point. I'd love to watch villains have even the barest minimum of real humanity, and real motivation. I'd love to watch the world handled by someone who actually understands how to build a world.
DaenerysStormy420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
id want to read Stephen King's take on harry potter.
yourdadsipod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Homer's Odyssey by Karl Ove Knausgaard
FreeTradeIsTheDevil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see more serious interpretations of some of the recent young adult novels like Divergent. I couldn't stand how some of these series handle the premise.
CeaseFlyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Lord of the Flies" by Edger Allen Poe
Dank_Beams_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Stephen King
StewPidassohe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk - Harry Potter
rompope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:32:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naruto, reimagined by Ishida Sui
JJkidTNT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neuromancer by William Gibson
KaiRaiUnknown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, by Terry Pratchett.
50 Shades of Grey, by Lee Child
esber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
yeeaaahh I've read almost none of these books
Shandrith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King rewrites Enders Game
jbjansen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible
Lather ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Very Hungry Caterpillar - George RR Martin
bigdaddybillnye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:33:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clifford the Big Red Dog by Karl Marx
stairwaytolevee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cat in the Hat by Cormac McCarthy
WutDo2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein kampf by Dr Suess
One fish, two fish, red fish, jew fish
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:34:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To be an edge lord: Carl Sagan, The Bible
zerotwoalpha ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Neil Gaimen, influenced by Coraline
Ry0017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Philip K Dick
worshippingtheteapot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:35:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by GRRM or "How the Stark Kids Kick Ass and No One is Fooled by Turkish Delights"
darthvalium ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Expanse by George RR Martin
Papaphobia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's 'To Kill a Mockingbird'
BillyFromOregon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nineteen Eighty-four by The Oatmeal
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't have any answers but I came to say that that's an amazing question.
jakerichsux ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mien kampf - Hunter s Thompson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:37:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robison Crusoe by jm coetzee
worshippingtheteapot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Tale of Genji by Brian Jacques
willthekrill39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the sorcerers stone by J.R.R. Tolkien
xHershelx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Gray By JRR Tolkien
Or Dr.Seuss's Mein Kampf
netwhoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunger Games by George R.R. Martin , would be significantly shorter
ieun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"A series of rhyming words about frozen water and burning oxygen" by Terry Prachett
Aureliusmind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:38:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Cormac McCarthy. Like regular Harry Potter but with more scalping.
devanshh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey
eggchan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson cover of On The Road
PIGamer86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Neil Gaiman.
Raibean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:40:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Libba Bray did a cover of Lord of the Flies when she wrote Beauty Queens.
CheechWizaard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick's - The Martian
It would basically be the same story till a 3rd of the way though when Mark Watney does acid and discovers some kind of vast conspiracy.
Rofellos1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by George R. R. Martin.
GeeBeeM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
chuck palahniuk - lord of the rings
armouredcasket ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hyperion Cantos by Octavia Butler
Chucktayz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The divine comedy
the_nothing_that_is ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's The Lord of The Rings, or Tolkein's Dune
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket (David Handler) - The Catcher in the Rye.
worshippingtheteapot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Yin and Yang by Confucius
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wonderwall
Therooferking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:42:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of Dr Seuss.
AbuBoodle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lee Child's Oliver Twist.
Nosynonymforsynonym ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't know if you've heard about this, but if you like Shakespeare, then keep an eye out for Hogarth Shakespeare books. Basically, this foundation pays great authors to modernize/rewrite Shakespeare plays. Margaret Atwood redid Macbeth as "Hag-Seed", and it's FANTASTIC.
Dathouen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:43:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Homer's Illiad by Neil Gaiman
juankaius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk Animal Farm
LepMessiah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's worth mentioning that songs are only covered by musicians who come AFTER the song. Timeline is important here, people.
NZT-48Rules ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimen's Game of Thrones. It might be finished in my lifetime.
kingcrow15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Personally I'd have Jim Butcher and Patrick Rothfuss swap their main series, Dresden Files for Kingkiller chronicles. Because they are my two favorite authors and stand and have completely opposite strengths and weaknesses.
Giggsy1479 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Count of Monte Cristo by Noam Chomsky.
DerekSIlva19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and The Chocolate Factory by George R. R. Martin
ilaydaydin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bridge to Terabithia by James Baldwin
yell_nada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings, by Neil Gaiman.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm probably too late but I've already been thinking about this the past few weeks. I've been reading the Dune novels again (Frank Herbert originals only) and a couple of things have struck me.
First, that George RR Martin seems to have been heavily inspired by the series and perhaps by the later books in particular. The house system and the devious manoeuvring for control; the constant movement between POVs and remote locations; the sense of connectedness between seemingly disparate events, even if in indirect and unpredictable ways; the fondness for including 'special children' who are seemingly destined to play a vital role in the future of the world; I could go on, but these are some of the most notable. Clearly GRRM borrowed some elements of Herbert's work.
Second, and I fully expect some strong and even heated disagreement with this if anyone sees this comment, I think GRRM in many ways improved upon Herbert's work, as well as being inspired by it. I think his world-building is almost incomparably deeper, richer, and more fully fleshed out. I think that the plotting is much more carefully constructed, and thus narratively the ASOIAF books are more exciting and consistent; there is foreshadowing, referencing, and twists and turns of the kind that just aren't possible with a more conventionally plotted series like Dune. Perhaps most notably, the world of the Dune novels is absolutely teeming with hero armour, to the extent that, at least until the climax of any one novel, you can be absolutely sure that certain characters are safe, and each obstacle is merely an opportunity for Herbert to show off their amazing powers and/or abilities. The first book is by far the worst for this, but it seems to recur throughout the series. As everyone who has read his books or seen the HBO show knows, GRRM has absolutely mastered this. At no point is anyone safe, to the extent that every single potentially dangerous scenario is fraught with genuine tension.
I also think the quality of dialogue is significantly better and more natural in ASOIAF.
There are undoubtedly things that Herbert is much better than Martin at; his prose is often beautiful where Martin's is usually pretty unremarkable, if not a little clumsy; if only as a product of the era Herbert's writing tends to have somewhat more of a literary quality in many respects. Herbert's work sometimes displays a philosophical depth that Martin doesn't really attempt. The enormous sense of temporal scale throughout the Dune novels is something that obviously ASOAIF does not provide.
The basic idea of the Dune series is one of my favourites in all of fiction, so I would be incredibly interested to see GRRM's take on it. Either covering the original Dune novels or setting his own series of stories in the universe would be incredibly interesting to me and perhaps the formula for a perfect sci-fi series.
why_bob_why ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Read a trilogy like that once, I think it was called The Magicians. Ripped off major book series that everyone loves. Fucking hated it. Why cover a novel? All you will be doing is re releasing the same book with a few minor details changed. Waste of good reading time.
PreciousRoy666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marquis De Sade's Harry Potter
JamesMuddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by George RR Martin.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murakami's Catcher in the Rye would probably just be Kafka on the Shore.
MagicSPA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's "Lord of the Rings".
mephistophyles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk writes Pride and Prejudice.
throway_nonjw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:46:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Treasure Island. The writer Justin Scott was experiencing writr's block, so he decided to do a 'cover' of TI, set in the 1950s, as a writing exercise. The result turned out well enough for his publisher to publish it.
For old SF fans, Iain M Banks's Lensman series or possibly 2001.
masher_oz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Hobbit", Robert Jordan (or GRR Martin)
Xanagoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The God Delusion" by Ken Ham
thegreatn4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR. Tolkien's Harry Potter
Annoying_Rhymes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paulanuik writes R.L. Stine's "Stay Out of the Baesment"
Or any other Goosebumps novel.
sheedz225 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Song of Ice and Fire by Tolkien
seicar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton "rewrote" Beowulf. It was made into a movie, Thirteenth Warrior, starring Antonio Banderas.
PerformanceBased ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett, Lord of the Rings
PreciousRoy666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Alan Watts
reyjuanetes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Muggle Wars by Tolkien would be just... AWESOME
n_jobz_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:48:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip Pullman covering something by Philip K. Dick.
Most of Dick's books have a phenomenal premise that's let down by terrible writing; Pullman does a great job of creating worlds that are both like/unlike ours at the same time.
Khazok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mistborn as written by Patrick Rothfuss.
Actually prolly anything written by Rothfuss, that man's writing is fantastic.
blu1996 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Batman by J.K Rowling. I'd love to see Rowling do her own Batman trilogy or series of novels. I feel she'd really love playing in that world and we'd get some great stories out of it.
4x49ers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:49:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut's "The Sound and the Fury". I found it somewhat inaccessible, and Vonnegut is infinitely accessible to me.
berserker87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palanhiuk's "Catch 22"
JCastoldi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Little Prince by Niccolรฒ Machiavelli
cynicalpeach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orson Scott Card's "The Hunger Games". The hunger games already has a set up similar to (if kind of inverted from) Ender's game, but if OSC wrote it I think we'd get to see way more of the political intrigue.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:50:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolita by woody allen
D-A_W ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Green Eggs and Ham" by William Shakespeare
ThickDiggerNick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tyler perry's lord of the rings.
rsscourge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien's Blood of Elves
Blatherskitte ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Steinbeck's version of the Lorax
14 pages of description of the Lorax valley starting in the cambrian period, and then the story begins by introducing the Lorax's grandfather for 10 pages before killing him in the first chapter. 300 pages in we meet the onceler.
Gkender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JJ Abrams / Doug Dorst doing the Great Train Robbery.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that basically fanfic?
Oxu90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's discworld story
nezzard420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:52:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace by Dr. Suess
SweetnSourShark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:53:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R Martin
Whybotherr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maximum ride by jk rowling
hihi9888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkin writing GoT or rr Martin writing lotr
MrDrAbe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin - Harry Potter
Jim Butcher - also Harry Potter
Steven King - Dragonriders of Pern
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Middlemarch by Michel Houellebecq
vBuffaloJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of the Scorpion by J. R. R. Tolkien.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy- the Bible
dgio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marx's The Wealth of Nations
Dovah907 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Rick Riordan. Rick Riordan does a good job taking pagan mythologies, namely Greek, Egyptian, and Norse, then applying their stories to the real world, in a way that makes sense.
spicey_squirts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King presents Captain Underpants.
dgio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Faulkner's take on The Old Man and The Sea
PM_ME_YOUR_NACHOS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would definitely like to see famous science fiction books redone by other science fiction authors.
Nightfall (originally by Asimov and Silverberg) by Stephen Baxter
skylinepidgin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Irvine Welsh
PreciousRoy666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy - ASOIAF
Go_Gaels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would want Vonnegut to cover The Iliad
MxWldm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite jest, by Mark Z Danielewski
MermaidMagdalena ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:56:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For me, that's kinda what they already do with retellings :') I think my fav existing one is "The song of Achilles" by Madeline Miller A non existing one I'd love to see would be Dune by Dr Seuss!
WillFord27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (Blade Runner) by Joseph Heller
Lost_Pathfinder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, that would be dope.
ItsYaBoiAzazel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft's: "The Road"
miront ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:57:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by Brandon Sanderson by Richard Kadrey.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering Gary Paulsen's Hatchet
pudgypoultry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman actually kind of did this!
Look up "The Graveyard Book."
It's a different take on The Jungle Book with direct parallels in characters and a neat bit of worldbuilding by Gaiman .
spitz81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:00:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It by Franรงois Rabelais.
marlow41 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov's The Minority Report
roytrivia_93 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wealth of Nations by Karl Marx.
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Forrest Gump" by Thomas Pynchon
(also Apocalypse Now is possibly my favorite adaption of any book, ever)
thesanchelope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heart of Darkness: by Hunter S. Thompson
wibby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's Lord of the rings
Angelandia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Room of One's Own covered by David Sedaris
untitledmoviereview ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:01:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Serious answer. Of mice and men by Dostoyevsky
evildustmite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Pooh by roald dahl
SmittyFromAbove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.A Salvatore presents Lord of the Rings, and the dude who writes GOT presents Harry Potter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:02:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's version of Harry Potter.
Radventure ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fault in Our Stars by George RR Martin
procrastinatingpepe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Stephen King cover of Roald Dahl's BFG
sungodra_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce's Ulysses as written by Hemingway
fluxing_uranus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The BFG by Neil Gaiman.
AlterFalker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:03:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Faust by Stephen King
spm201 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Doors of Stone by Brandon Sanderson
lilwac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:04:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Hobbit, Lore, etc by J. K. Rowling. None of the greatness would be lost. But it would be so much easier to read.
probablyzevran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's anything.
aeschenkarnos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne of Green Gables by Peter Watts.
(And of course, Rifters by Lucy Maud Montgomery.)
TooLazyToBeClever ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:05:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Good question. Maybe House of Leaves, by Stephen King. Or Chuck Palahaniuck. Would love to see a different take on that novel.
Ereshkigal234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm still pissed one of my friends borrowed that book and all of the (maybe three that read like we do) swear they didn't borrow it. But i concur with this. House of leaves by either or both of them would be amazing to read.
MattTheProgrammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:06:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Harry Potter
Travrar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by Bernard Cornwell
Callisto34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:07:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would have loved to read Vonnegut's Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Fontaine42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I have no mouth and I must scream by Roald Dahl
splorf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pahlanuik does anything by Nora Roberts.
innspecter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
China Mieville covers Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
Jammintk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically anything as told by Terry Pratchett.
ChubbyTrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:08:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goosebumps series by GRRM.
TheFedorasaurus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Gyde for to Hevene, fro the Hykere which that Hitcheth so by Geoffery Chaucer
mama_tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King writing the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Ent_Doran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:11:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle covering Homer's Odyssey.
Roly__Poly__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:12:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No Taleb comments?
PyrocumulusLightning ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Melville covering Anne Rice's vampire novels.
dodgej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:13:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: H. P. Lovecraft, Dr. Seuss, and Tolkien cover everything (but mostly A Song of Ice and Fire).
YDG21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You know you don't read enough when you barely understand any of the comments on this thread
transmothra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:15:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard Brautigan writes Infinite Jest
its-me-its-me-itsJTP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen's Perks of Being a Wallflower. Genuinely think that could be awesome.
fairlylocal17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Silence of the Lambs by Jeff Kinney
I've always been socially awkward. So I decided being a serial killer fit my persona real good. No to boast but I've been doing a pretty good job killing people for fun.
XVOS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace, Invitation to a Beheading.
its-me-its-me-itsJTP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen's Perks of Being a Wallflower. Genuinely think that could be awesome.
CB1984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George RR Martin.
A Song of Ice and Fire by JK Rowling.
We'd get more depth and drama in one and get to actually find out the plot of the other.
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Art of War" by Gabriel Garcia Mรกrquez
TrinityofArts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covers 'Where the Sidewalk Ends'.
wanton-tom-tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:16:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thomas Hardy's The Time Traveller's Wife
thinkdip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In the not so distant future this question could become reality. Right now there exists a deep learning (AI) technique known as 'style transfer'. Simply put, a statistical model is trained to learn how to apply style/structure from a set of data to another.
For example, the model could apply the style of Van Gogh's Starry Night to a picture of your dog. Some great examples can be seen in this paper.
Anyway, similar techniques could be applied (if they haven't already) to authors and books, learning the writing style of a particular author and applying it to a selected text. This would effectively keep the content of the original work but "rewrite" it through language the reference author would have likely used.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:17:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore's 1984
"Who watches Big Brother?"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter franchise by Dan Brown.
mystriddlery ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RR Martin covers Harry Potter
A-n-a-k-i-n ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:18:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Stephen King.
tourmalinesky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Mountain Goats Cover Everything, by John Darnielle
sammowhammo18 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Douglas Adams
santeeass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:19:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slaughterhouse Five by Ernest Hemingway.
Alice in Wonderland by Hunter S. Thompson
Thumbs_of_TPCarrigan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Alan Moore
OriginallyDaige ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P Lovecraft on: Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
FiskFisk33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by Douglas Adams.
Or why not The hitchhikers guide by Tolkien!
AnotherXRoadDeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:20:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is the best r/askreddit I've ever seen lol
unintender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not recommending anything, but a few years back I drafted a modern AU of Lord of the Rings as a joke for a friend in which the One Ring was an indestructible doughnut that could only be toasted by the Microwave of Doom.
jminglett31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to the game but Terry Pratchett does Enders game or Vonnegut ghost writes the next book in game of thrones. Capitalize that in your head for me.
Dovala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jean-Paul Sartre - La Chunder Jeux
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patricia Wrede (Author of Dealing with Dragons) does Eragon (Better characters, better plot, a better overall tone, ect) OR The Harry Potter series done by Terry Pratchet.
wanton-tom-tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson's Down and Out in London abd Paris. "We were crossing the Champs Elysees when the drugs took hold"
the-ucalegon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:22:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Borges does Dostoyevsky's White Nights
takenschmaken ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:23:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Chuck Palahniuk
Miteh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
King covering Watership Down. He does the whole band of kids thing real well and then the violence. Would work well
Fuckyoursadface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord Of The Rings by George RR Martin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Harry Potter
Glitter_whore1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:24:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hunger games by Steven king
DeAvil87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that just fanfic?
I wanted to read Beautiful Creature by L. J. smith. No reason. I just like the series no matter how sappy & gooey it is.
Ammastaro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:25:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglass Adam's Phantom Tollbooth
Saronix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The World According to Garp" by George R. R. Martin.
guter567 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little late but "The Host" by Stephen King
hartsurgeon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's cover of Winds of Winter and Dream of Spring. He did a great job finishing up the Wheel of Time series, after all.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:26:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Pillars of the Earth by Frank Herbert
Caralain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sweet Valley High by HP Lovecraft.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower by J.R.R. Tolkien. Stephen King said it was (among others) inspired by the Lord of the Rings.
HMJ87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of ice and fire by Terry Pratchett
kakiage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Sun Also Rises covered by Haruki Murakami.
saurabhwithwords ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, as covered by Irvine Welsh.
DirtyClean ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Electric Koolaid Acid Test by Ann Coultier.
SockBramson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:28:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Fight Club
tagloro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Snow crash covers by peter f hamilton
tamhenk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trainspotting by J K Rowling.
ChevroletSparkSS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If James Patterson or Dean Koontz wrote Harry Potter, and if J. K. Rowling wrote either Odd Thomas or Maximum Ride.
usernamechecksout24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:29:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRr Matins' version of 'The Hobbit' and 'Lord of the Rings'
ladyoffate13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:30:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin.
MyNameIsBarryAllen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:31:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JRR Tolkien writes Harry Potter
aqua_zesty_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starship Troopers by George Orwell.
(the book, not the movie)
GingrNinja ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Twilight' by Stephen King
Bitter_Rainbow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eragon written by George RR Martin
jhuggy91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any dr Suess book by Goerge RR Martin
friendlydilletante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:32:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Persuasion by Anais Nin
The Wayward Pines Trilogy by Stephen King
My Family and Other Animals by Donna Tartt
becasaur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Beatrix Potter: the tale of 1984
cds501 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 07:34:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Surely Animal Farm would be a better fit?
Dilinial ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of a Ice and Fire by Raymond Feist
The Legend of Drizzt by Patrick Rothfuss
The Wheel of Time by RA Salvatore
And maybe just for good measure a lottery for who gets to redo the LE Modesitt novels. For such an awesome idea I hate his writing.
SnowOrShine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings, by Robin Hobb
DianaPrintz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
13 reasons why....
midnightketoker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by Douglas Adams
wanton-tom-tom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ian Fleming's A Room with a View
WitteValk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin does the Twilight series. No more bullshit sitting around for two books long, no more of that pretty princess stuff. Bella would probably die in the first book for being such an airhead which would make everyone happier.
iDerfel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Joe Abercrombie or Anrdzej Sapkowski
aqualily6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Lord of the Rings
Thawrom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:34:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Harry Potter.
dejoblue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Genesis, by Christopher Hitchens
Gone With the Wind, by L.Ron Hubbard
Gandalf_Is_Gay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's Song of Ice and Fire series of course, the one that was finished years ago
ocean365 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Silence of the Lambs" by Rudyard Kipling
DraslinHDF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The sixth column, covered by Chuck Palahniuk
Blazeng ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dmitry Glukhovsky:A song of Ice and fire
e_la_bron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey by Dr. Seuss
Fezztraceur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:35:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R Tolkien's The Very Hungry Catepillar
throway_nonjw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raymond Chandler's Murder On The Orient Express.
BobTheSkrull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slaughter House 5 retold by Jim Butcher.
CultistLemming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:36:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining, by Junji Ito
aqua_zesty_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain collaborates with H.G. Welles on Michael Crichton's Timeline.
GlitchyAF ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:37:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing all these comics makes me wonder why it isn't already a thinf
Oddgit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not sure about being excited for books like that.
All I know is, if the movies, spin-offs, and re-tellings are anyhting to go by, Bram Stoker's Dracula is the Stairway to Heaven of literature.
IrrationalHate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grant Morrison's Harry Potter
manwithnofirstname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Greens Eggs and Ham by Charles Bukowski
joyasumi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:38:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William S. Burrough's 'cover' of... well, probably anything. The Great Gatsby comes to mind.
aqua_zesty_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:39:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nick Nicholas and Andrew Strader cover Klingon William Shakespeare's cover of The Godfather.
LeibnizIntegralKeks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want 'Star Wars' as written by Isaac Asimov.
G-0ff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Christopher Moore do At The Mountains of Madness. Or any lovecraft story, really. weird horror would work beautifully with his penchant for the absurd.
garfnodie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
2001: A Space Odyssey by J. K. Rowling
IWantYourGuitar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:40:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's The Bible
twelvegaugepreacher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Fifty Shades of Greyjoy' by George R. R. Martin
NewLeafMaybeSpruce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any YA fiction(think The fault in our stars) by JD SALINGER
iamagainstit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like this is relevant https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/famous-authors-write-pieces-about-famous-authors-writing-about-modern-things
StevenZB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Harry Potter would be excellent and a /r/writingprompt iirc
ShashWhatsUP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Notebook by Milan Kundera Jesus Christ OP thank you so much for this.
cowk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Philip K. Dick (Blade runner)
CTMGame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's Twilight: At the end, Harry Dresden shows up, kills Edward and Jacob, and sends Belle to prison.
TAOMCM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's BFG
invertedearth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:42:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, I looked at my bookshelf, and The Great and Secret Show (Clive Barker) and Jitterbug Perfume (Tom Robbins) were sitting there next to each other. So I demand a head-to-head battle.
ArtiluxNL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G.R.R. Martin writing The Lord of the Rings.
I know it's a story that shouldn't be touched, but I'd really want to read it.
beholdbelow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Either into the wild Or the series of unfortunate events books
sf3p0x1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:43:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Brooks' rendition of the Narnia series.
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saccharinarnia the domain of the Christian lion
Maibaum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So, basically /r/writingprompts for bestseller titles? Sounds great!
rubermnkey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:44:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Terry Pratchett
materia_madness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bryan lee o Malleys "the Bible"
KuntaStillSingle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A little late but I think Steinbeck could do a neat spin on "The Dark Tower" series.
nerdee139 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Quarantine Trilogy by Stephen King.
Note: Quarantine Trilogy is the only piece of YA fiction worth reading. All the rest is bullshit.
Not_A_Chick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:45:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov's Ender's Game.
EDIT: I know this is technically impossible, but I think it would've been a great read.
Alvy0123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think it would be Harry Potter
howardtm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't read enough books to get the references.
LothartheDestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Thurber writes As I lay dying.
Griddamus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:46:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice in Wonderland by GRR. Martin
Jupiterswrath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd kind of want to see The Wheel of Time as by Brandon Sanderson. I know he wrote the the last three with notes from Jordan, but I wonder what a full series on it built up by him would read like.
nerdee139 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also, Ayn Rand presenting 1984 and Animal Farm.
SirFireHydrant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a big scifi buff, but some of the classics are so hard to read because of the sexism present in novels from the 60's and 70's. Even with the good authors like Clarke, the sexism isn't blatant, or even intentional, but it's still there and noticeable (even little things like most of the characters being male).
I'd love to see a contemporary author like Alastair Reynolds have a go at some of the classics, like Rendezvous with Rama.
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You bring an interesting point, because that is what makes the classical literature completely unreadable to me, but I would have to see an example from SciFi you mentioned.
arduousFrivolity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ok, so these are scripts, but since people were allowed to say Shakespeare...
Lawrence Kasdan and JJ Abram's Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
LothartheDestroyer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlotte Perkins Gilman writes Eat Prey Love.
meekamunz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'1984' by Terry Pratchett
TesticleMayhem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:49:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged by Stephenie Meyer.
kendrone ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:50:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Discworld books by Isaac Asimov. I have no idea what that would read like, but it'd be awesome.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Silence of the Lambs by Douglas Adams
MistakesTasteGreat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:51:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Douglas Adams.
"I am Jack's colon. Smelly, filled with steak eaten 4 years ago, and ostensibly useless, save for flatulence."
Or
" "You are not your job, unless you're a cook. You're not how much money you have in the bank, because that would mean you're made of money in the most literal sense possible. You are not the car you drive, although lots of you contain large amounts of gas. You're not the contents of your wallet, because who wants to be a receipt for Taco Bell? You are not your fucking khakis, because those should only be considered for job interviews or boating. You are the all singing, all dancing, three quarters water, half naked, fully loaded executive premium package, nearly asleep, closely guarded, occasionally hungover crap of the world."
lemineftali ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:52:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One Hundred Years of Solitude done by Cormac McCarthy
poletten ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:52:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. D. Salinger - A Clockwork Orange
itsbeachjustice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Danny Dyer's Fight Club
hermyown21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:53:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's Harry Potter series.
hairpin1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The name of the rose
mikijordn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Tale of two cities by Charles Dickens. He paints a picture of life in England and France.
robocopballer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The phantom toll booth by Cormac McCarthy
too_many_kimonos ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:55:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace presents The Art of the Deal
lmabear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:56:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings series by Sun Tzu.
Ithryn- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Gibson's Harry Potter
chirpingphoenix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:57:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agatha Christie's Batman: Year One
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:58:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any cover written by Neil Gaimain. Patrick Rothfuss' "The Name of The Wind" and "A Wise Man's Fear" would be interesting to read in Gaiman's style.
SpeedyBebop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"In popular music, a cover version or cover song, or simply cover, is a new performance or recording of a previously recorded, commercially released song by someone other than the original artist or composer"
Wouldn't that be copy write?
Phasechange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged by Neal Stephenson.
Gooros27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:00:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ken Follet presents "The Da Vinci Code"
theshelfside ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson - The Divine Comedy
DjSexualWonderBread ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin
aNulgoodlove ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:01:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by William Shakespeare.
Gooros27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brave new world by Orwell
dirtypog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's cover of Roadside Picnic, originally by the Strugatsky brothers, Boris and Arkady.
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:04:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Get your dirty hands off the Roadside Picnic.
Wursticles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
terry brooks already covered lord of the rings
broja23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Most Violent Contest of Thrones: a play by William Shakespeare
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covers the Foundation trilogy by Isaac Asimov.
bikesforlife37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Tom Robbins
Lv16 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:02:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" By Edgar Allen Poe
dropawayaccount ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by William Burroughs
Cypher_Shadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:03:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Everybody Poops
George R.R. Martin's The Berinstein Bears
jshwhtwnkrldw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
E
bassocantante ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:04:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell covers Kafka's The Castle.
Mystrangy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT by Terry Pratchett, he had an amazing imagination so Pennywise seems like his kind of villain.
oneof7000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:05:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walt Whitman's "Lord of the Rings".
WeakStreamZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'American Psycho' by J.K. Rowling. Set in the Harry Potter universe, of course.
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:02:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So basically the school years of Voldemort?
WeakStreamZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yes. That would fucking bangarang. Speaking of bangarang, 'Peter Pan' by Bret Easton Ellis would also be amazing.
GaymoSexual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:06:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mist Born by Robert Jordan
Pote_b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enid Blyton presents Fight Club
vyvyan86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Edgar Allan Poe short story by Anne Rice.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leena Krohn, All Summer in a Day
raydialseeker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:07:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRR Martin Harry Potter
OjamaBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:08:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George R. R. Martin
Sikido ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dorian by Will Self
RainCrystalWriter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:09:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While not a legit novel, they are in stores and I highly recommend them. Someone has produced the six Star Wars movies into the form of Shakespeare's plays. (Jar Jar is made out differently, vastly differently.) "William Shakespeare's The Phantom of Menace: Star Wars Part the First (William Shakespeare's Star Wars)" to give you an idea of it. OTHER WISE one not already created... I want to see any generic romance novel, "Kiss of a Highlander" to name one I actually own, recreated by Stephen King.
stormbringer13 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The legend of Drizzt series by Albert Camus
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:01:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Just making everything obtuse.
Siz27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:10:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Outsiders" by Dean Koontz "The Giver" by Stephen King
Velquis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:11:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings covered by Brandon Sanderson would be fucking amazing imo.
patiangthesismo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Charles Bukowski.
Luxtaposition ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All of Steinbeck by Stephen King
NeveraTaleofMorePoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Kama Sutra' by George R.R. Martin.
scifitranny ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:12:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hamlet by Douglas Adams
Embersinmypits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anton Chekhov covers the entire Harry Potter series
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Suddenly Mme Pomfrey, Prof McGonnagall and Ms Granger take central stage, and medical magical care gains a lot more proemintence hahaha.
I'd read that.
hbrickley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Gunslinger by Cormac McCarthy Or The Great Gatsby by Haruki Murakami
Eaziegames ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:13:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Then There Were None by Terry Pratchett
slindar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Malazan book of the fallen - Clive Barker
sufee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Tomorrow series written by John Marsden but covered by Matthew Reilly
OliveTheGolden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G.R.R.R.R.R.R. Martin - The Hunger Games
KingDavidX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:14:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Gods covered by Stephen King. Even if he fumbles the ending it's ok because the original ending is already a bit shit.
mdogm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades, by, someone who actually knows what a fetish is.
2udaylatif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice
Browser001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce presents: "The Hungry Caterpillar"
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A trap!
deepintheupsidedown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe this should be a thing!!!
Dabless ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOTR written by Boris Vian
gojaejin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ayn Rand's "The Grapes of Wrath".
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:56:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Somebody gotta put rape in Grapes.
the_chandler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey as written by Chuck Palahniuk.
Strange_Thingie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell's take on Great Expectations. You're welcome.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:16:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering The Shining.
XenoCraigMorph ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King presents: Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.
Tokentaclops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter R. Thompson's The Hobbit AKA fear and loathing in middle earth.
tombiapple148 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R Tolkein. Game of Thrones
Just so they can be longer
therealjpop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein kampf - Dr. Seuss
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slap the ---Jap--- Jewp.
It wouldn't be far fetched he'd just be another dictator.
Edit:cant manage to write a strikethrough on a phone
kevincreeperpants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:17:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Walken does Of Mice and Men.
2udaylatif ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Great Gatsby by Brett Easton Ellis or Chuck Palahniuk
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read that.
cloud4197 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's Animal Farm
Kerbinonaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bible would be pretty controversial choice ๐๐
nutseed ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:18:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nic Pizzolatto doing any fantasy classic would be pretty cool
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Old Testament, by George R. R. Martin.
black_white_gray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe not the whole series but I would kill to read Edgar Alan Poe's version of the red wedding.
they63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George R. R. Martin
aerialRansacker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:19:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony snicket covering the hunger games
Fmelons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Authors do cover novels. See: The Graveyard Book
OhHiGCHQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Green's cover of Harry Potter.
It'll be like looking for Alaska but with Magic.
Shittyjunkmailbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh man, this sounds good but I'm pretty sure his anxiety about writing it would take like 30 years off his life. The Brothers Green are sweeties, and their media following has given them some confidence boost, but I'm not sure John would ever be able to bring himself to do this. And even if he could Hank might fight him about it with how big of a fan he is.
HGF88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Classic Starts OR Tumblr, or Agatha Christie's
Ten Little IndiansAnd Then There Were None rewritten by Suzanne Collinswamboomafoo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R.R Martin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:52:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Directed by Uwe Boll
ElfCharm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:20:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket covers Harry Potter. I always wished that Lemony Snicket could have the story telling abilities of Rowling and others.
they63 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's twilight saga
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh my....
Leradine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice: The Poop That Took A Pee
RedditAxel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:21:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harlan Ellison's Alice in Wonderland
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bravo!
saltmypineapples ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:47:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellison_Wonderland
Fmelons ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Diary of Anne Frank by Adolph Hitler
kattylovesfoood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:23:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin for Harry Potter
Rox-zee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Alchemist by J.D Salinger
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aka who will win in a shitflinging context between a pseudointellectual newage hack and an old graphomaniac.
TheRealJakay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:26:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read a cover novel of the book about the game about the movie about the game Street Fighter II.
Gripping.
jncheese ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Dr. Seuss
JohnnyJoeyDeeDee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway's Pride & Prejudice
A stark and unsentimental commentary on societies obsession with marriage.
PigeonSquid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:28:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is kinda the premise behind the Hogarth Shakespeare series
AlpacamyLlama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Ellroy's 'The Godfather'.
I can't say I was a fan of Puzo's novel, although the film is one of the greatest ever made. It's a fantastic story, and was ripe for the Shakespearean treatment taken by Coppola, but Puzo came across as a tacky writer, as interested in a minor character's vaginal tuck as he was the mafia's reaches into the American political system.
I'd love to see Ellroy take a stance like he did with American Tabloid. Make it seem real, make it dirty and gritty, and give it that powerful edge.
forradalmar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Battle Royale covers would be amazing by both Bukowski and Hunter S. Thompson.
randy_in_accounting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey - Charles bukowski.
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The captain is away and the mates have taken over the ship could give a taste hehe. It would be something yep.
suffer_in_silence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by Patrick Rothfuss, it will never be released.
Young_Neil_Postman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace's Dune
Garmort ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How tempting it is to start a business based on this.
My answer: James Bond by Anthony Horowitz
Thatguy69Kappa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord Of The Rings by George R. R. Martin
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please no. GRRM is a boring talentless copycat.
begglesforchange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:30:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Martin presents Harry Potter.
_Mr_Ection_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Gone series by George RR Martin
dopamine-delight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I kinda want to read Satan's version of the bible, all the way from creation to now. To be fair, I'm only getting one side of the story, and that's biased.
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Satan already wrote it :)
dopamine-delight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:33:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Codex gigas isn't it. Dantes inferno is fan fiction. Anton levey doesn't believe in biblical satan.
What book is it?
tomat912 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Lord of the Rings.
OISss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It, covered by Roald Dahl
flabbergasted27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"How to make friends and influence people" by Donald Trump
underbite420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As your attorney I advise you to write this book
helloNayo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:31:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No doubt George R.R Martin's take on the Harry Potter world. I want it to go darker and deeper! (pause)
I've had to resort to writing my own Harry Potter shits (I guess you could call in 'fan fiction') to dive into the untapped Werewolf society. No doubt his take would be worth a fucking read.
ELementalSmurf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Stephen King wrote the Harry Potter books
kaltkrabby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:32:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire covered by Sarah J. Maas
Nicknack_paddywack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alec Baldwin's "The Art of the Deal"!
jpfrost17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lone Survivor by Dr. Seuss
mooneboyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diary of a wimpy kid by Sigmund Freud
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Irvine Welsh
TravelsWithMyself ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Handmaid's Tale as written by Fannie Flagg.
AlexoonAP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George RR Martin
sum_force ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Richard Dawkins
Shittyjunkmailbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean they kinda have that. There was a bible with all the "miracles" taken out, basically just a "historical record", if you can call it that. I think it was called The Atheist's Bible?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:33:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 08:42:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jason Statham.
ArchangBelle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:34:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump covering The Art of the Deal
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Hemmingway
bad-hat-harry ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or movie directors. I would love to see a James Cameron Jurassic Park.
Callumsm2016 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kamf by Dr Seuss
Slavvyy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:35:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr seuss - IT by Stephen King
Shittyjunkmailbox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:36:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So do we have a sub recommended for this yet?
If not I would like to recommend someone with more ambition than I use r/ADifferentPen
(in homage to r/adifferentspin , the sub for the musical genre-bending covers similar to this thread's take on genre bending book...covers. But r/book_covers looked either taken or dead from the cursory search I did while on mobile.)
jimdpie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd recommend this if you haven't read it already: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stars'_Tennis_Balls
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hate reading, so unfortunately, none
bbonthec ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:37:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson covering the Trump election campaign, gonzo style.
ZenMechanist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRR Martin covering Harry Potter.
Milo_BOK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Elmore Leonard's Harry Potter.
Aussieladchambo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:38:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brave New World by Hunter S. Thompson
maxcoffie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, Dean Koontz
Jassassino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dracula by Jacqueline Wilson.
10vernothin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:39:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephanie Meyer's Harry Potter.
I wonder if Wizards glitter?
Sybilsizzles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oscar Wilde covering anything. The Harry Potter series, Twilight, 50 Shades,...
sickofallofyou ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:40:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Hunter S. Thompson
"We were somewhere north of the wall, when the drugs began to take hold."
pinchinggata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doors of Perception by Ray Bradbury
Griffolion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's Lord of the Rings.
Baiiista1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:41:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy presented by Terry Pratchet.
infernox10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snickett covering literally anything. Maybe even Douglas Adams if he were still around. I imagine A Tale of Two Cities would love the honor.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 'Best' meaning, of course, a time where one would be at a candy store and be allowed to pick out your favorite candy bar, and 'worst' meaning that you found the owner of said candy store to be a king quite fond of beheading customers."
YellowTango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM does War And Peace by Tolstoy
qounqer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:42:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The foundation series by Hitler.
Dr_Pazuzu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Maybe fan fictions are like song covers for books.
AaronAart209 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Matthew Reilly. That would be hardcore. Genesis and Exodus in particular would be epic.
me1505 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally anything covered by Nobokov. Especially if it was an injection of his beautiful prose into the more functional writing of someone like Hemmingway.
NEEDZMOAR_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett: lord of the rings
xylex ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:43:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Piss and Shit by the The Fisters
eq2_lessing ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson: Watership Down
terenn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:44:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat, Pray, Love by Thomas Harris
Zuzubaluba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slaughterhouse Five covered by Chuck Palahniuk
Keelock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:45:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last of the Breed would be amazing to read if Brandon Sanderson wrote it.
Iquey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The first law trilogy, covered by G.R.R.M.
Averus_32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oliver Twist, not by anyone in particular, but something with an nowadays setting.
Yurika_BLADE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Kinoko Nasu
Everything just becomes internal monologues and cooking scenes, but we get more magic
TDX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill A Mockingbird by Hunter S. Thompson
Marxbrosburner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:46:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeare's " Yertle the Turtle"
Th0r_SC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Am I too late to the party? I would read the shit out of: Chuck Palahniuk's The Silence of the Lambs.
nosneht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:47:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The atlas shrugged. Be interested to see if anyone could change it from the steaming pile trash that it is.
VeryC0mm0nName ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
World war Z by Tom Clancy
HookLogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Confederacy of Dunces by Kurt Vonnegut
magnuslatus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:48:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K.Rowling's cover of the Heritage of Shannara series.
demoran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:49:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings is a great story, but the writing is pretty bad.
Crucbu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that kind of what comic books do all the time? With different writers taking a crack at reselling the origin stories, or Stan Lee reimagining DC Comics' main books?
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:51:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David foster wallace doing the cat in the hat
zanna001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Lee Child rework of American Sniper
friedmaninparis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Firestarter by Lynda Barry
KimHartley24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:52:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brave New World, George R. R. Martin
brokenwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of ice and fire by dr suess
warmpita ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Sedaris's "Lord of the Rings" trilogy
William S. Burroughs's "Harry Potter" series
sHHHrek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:53:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Stephen King The Shining by Doctor Seuss
sarahjane- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donna Tartt covering The Catcher in the Rye (because she does coming of age works so well (esp The Goldfinch)) or Elena Ferrante covering The BabySitters Club (because why the fuck not).
runninron69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Christine' by Douglas Adams.
drayzera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lindsey Stirling - Dark Materials (Phillip Pullman)
Niknokc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin - War & Peace
thebigjamesbondfan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:55:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings trilogy, by Isaac Asimov.
Colourblindknight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The BFG.
Aidiera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's "Iliad"
0311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rome, Sweet Rome by literally anyone at this point.
weirdprodigy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:56:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Try to imagine The Martian by Khaled Hosseini
areykme31 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:57:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bible by Dr. Seuss
wilbso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Daniel Handler... Only kidding ;)
Aistar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:58:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Prattchet's cover of "Monday Begins on Saturday". It would fit his style just right, and he would replace USSR-specific jokes with something everyone can laugh at, but keep the general satire of bureaucracy in magical sciences intact.
Now that I think about it, Connie Willis also would do this book a justice, while also imparting on us a big list of interesting facts about history of real-world magic and magicians, all somewhat unrelated to the plot (actually, just take "Bellwether" and replace fads with magic).
Neal Stephenson's cover of Rick Cook's "Wizardry" series. Cook's idea about magic working a lot like programming was very interesting, but underdeveloped, and frankly, he wasn't a very talented writer. Neal could really work with this to create an epic tale of a battle programmer.
Thunder_Jackson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K Dick's Alice in Wonderland, and Through the looking Glass darkly
Angel_Hunter_D ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Aaron Dembski-Bowden presents "Santiago, A Myth of the Far Future"
Or
Brent Weeks presents "Vampire Hunter D"
8-tentacles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire, by JRR Tolkien
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:59:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
fifty shades of grey by plath would be an interesting one
cfcnotbummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Horatio Hornblower by Patrick O'Brian
pikapril25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ANY lee child book, covered by dr seuss
Perseus73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Iain M. Banks
Krzd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy by GRRM or a song of ice and fire by Douglas Adams.
sarabjorks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:02:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I just started reading (listening to, actually) Neil Gaiman's Norse Mythology. Which is exactly like a modern cover of an old, slightly outdated story. I've read the old texts, they have their own charm, but I'm glad I can hear this new retelling of the stories I learned so long ago.
belindaaa ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 09:09:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Currently reading that. Love it
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Jean Paul Sartre
A8Warmonger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mayne they could get Swiss Family Robinson down to 300 pages?
Mackerelmore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Moby Dick by Stephen King
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick's "1984"
That_BowTie_Guy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green eggs and ham by George R R Martin
ssssshinthelibrary ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am actually a huge fan of a number of feminist authors' rewritings of fairy tales, myths and other novels. For instance:
Angela Carter's The Bloody Chamber (Blue Beard retold through the perspective of the you g bride, and a brilliantly dark pastiche of Gothic tropes);
Margaret Atwood's The Penelopiad (the Odyssee retold through the perspective of Penelope, whose biting wit is completely irrisistible);
Jean Rhyss' Wide Sargasso Sea (Jane Eyre retold through the perspective of the "madwoman in the attic")
The latter especially is a true masterpiece.
prestonb725 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Fifty Shades of Grey" by Dr. Seuss
FireLordEustace ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frankenstein by Vladimir Nabokov.
ocathasaigh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:05:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering George R. R. Martin.
TanzaniteAureus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:06:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Artemis Fowl by JK Rowling
fraserfra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Dr seuss
QuantumWhale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:07:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cat in the Hat by Neil Gaiman
Gabbleducky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George RR Martin
Lextube ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by Salman Rushdie
JWson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:08:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably pretty obvious, but I'd love for George Martin to give a go at the Tolkien Legendarium and vice versa.
Panic-at-the-party ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by Stephen king covered by john green
The-White-Dot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Story of Fire and Ice by Terry Pratchett
Confessions of a Shopoholic by Stephen King
Trainspotting by Julia Donaldson
Cstanchfield ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Ice and Fire by GRRM.
I love his gritty style, his duality of motivation would really deepen the characters in the universe, and the universe itself can almost stand a story on it's own. So, with him at the reins, I could see that series being a whole drastically different experience.
WhatTheFlaggnard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art of war by George RR Martin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the wizard of oz by stephen king
Jaws_Megalodon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of ice and fire by Dr Seuss
rosyatrandom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:09:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joe Abercrombie's The Count Of Monte Cristo.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pierre Menard's Quixote
ctrl+f: Jorge Luis Borges
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of the deal by Mr. Nice
owwlies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Mercedes Lackey
Sharkeyster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone who writes in complete sentences writing Ulysses.
AndLikeTruthishly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Dracula
Suambush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by JK Rowling
Scary-Brandon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:12:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R R Martin.
as7Nier5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
atlas shrugged by ulrike meinhof.
randomnurse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Stephen King cover of Jane Eyre
venther ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep, by David Wong.
gigabytemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:13:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Isaac Asimov.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Psycho by Dr. Seuss.
Sharkeyster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm by Karl Marx
tootNA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One by Stephan King
Rhino_Pixel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss, 1984 H.P. Lovecraft, Green Eggs and Ham
blufin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:15:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabakov does the Da Vinchi Code
jakecontra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
C.S. Lewis' Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Or H.G. Wells' The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
nyanlol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss presents, the name of the sorcerer's stone.
TinkyWinkyIlluminati ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:17:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's cover of the Wheel of Time. Oh, wait...
rookieslayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Art of War by Tsun Zu
dIoIIoIb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:18:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson The Hobbit
cascadeorca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George r r Martin - Harry Potter series
DaVinciJunior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Harry Potter
Yakmcgurk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trainspotting by Charles Bukowski
goatpetter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What would be the difference? Just more Begbie?
Yakmcgurk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:53:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Absolutely. More depth into his internal conflict.
goatpetter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might just be what you're looking for: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Blade_Artist
I haven't read it, so I cannot say anything about the quality.
Yakmcgurk ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:14:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Got a new one... The Blade Artist by Dan Fante
all_out_of_what ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Louis-Ferdinand Celine - Fear and loathing in las vegas
Dmasik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:19:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of the Rings by George R R Martin
grammar_oligarch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read the fuck out of Neil Gaiman's version of "It".
Xeriak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:20:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone; a Stephen King tale
harryalco1809 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:21:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George RR Martin
TodayForTomorrow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by George RR Martin
afas460x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Roal Dahl
darrenturn90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vladimir Nabokov the hunger games
Archknits ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:22:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Douglas Adams
Jclew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:23:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ferdinand the Bull, by H. P. Lovecraft
Quillbolt_h ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:24:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy -by Terry Pratchett.
Actually, he's basically already done that. That's sorta like his whole thing.
Fishstereo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:26:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft's "Harry Potter"
Sparkchart ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee. There would interesting positions taken in a politically correct world.
Aelexe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering absolutely anything.
GNU Terry Pratchett.
goldfishpaws ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:28:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Shelley does Harry Potter - the depth of humanity would be interesting
Luhood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:29:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's Ivanhoe and The Count of Monte Cristo
Cabotju ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
OP you have given me a fantastic idea.
Alan Moore: Asoiaf the war of the five kings- A graphic novel
It would cover the first three books and Moore would be given creative license to chop and change as he saw fit
scw55 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:30:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Men by Roald Dahl.
A Song of Ice and Fire by Terry Pratchett.
RebuffedChaff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Zeus's cover of "The tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise"
bonster85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:31:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If JK Rowling wrote the game of Thrones books, the Stark's might have had better luck..
amcoll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss's Trainspotting
Begbie wasn't right in his head
If you crossed him, you'd be dead
But he wasn't without feeling
Until i find oot, nae cunts leavin'
DaveBoyOhBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:32:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Cat in the Hat
darkstar000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure Marry Shelly's Frankenstein is a cover?
Jushak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald J. Trump represents: The Art of War.
No, art of the deal (or whatever the garbage book was titled) doesn't count.
Preferably only edited just enough for it to make barest hint of sense so one could actually read it, but still trying to stay as true as possible to the origin so you can laugh at it.
OmegaSE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hungry Caterpillar by George RR Martin
Nickheuvels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin - Winnie the Pooh
feodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:34:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lee Child's to kill a mocking bird. Atticus finch is this super ripped badass that fights the racist townsfolk while discovering a deep conspiracy.
_milespi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:35:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's "A Series Of Unfortunate Events"
dukmunky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One by David Foster Wallace
xNeurosiis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was going to say 50 Shades of Grey by Bret Easton Ellis, but I think American Psycho is already more entertaining and a better version of that book.
madhi19 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:36:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Many authors do take themes and run with them. You can read pretty much the same story from Machen (The Great God Pan), Lovecraft (The Dunwich Horror), and King (N).
This is one of the reason preserving public domain is so damn important. Characters plot and stories should not be locked out of humanity sandbox forever.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:37:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings cover of the cthulhu myth.
Canine_Gaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by George rr Martin
Biscuit_Admirer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM version of outlander. Also think that he'd love to do this one.
SirJob89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:39:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Bible' by Terry Pratchet
BlueFluffyDude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not exactly a book author, but Alan Moore covers James Bond
levilee207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:40:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey By Douglas Adams
johnjonjameson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:40:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jack Kerouac covers American psycho
YourMotherSaysHello ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:42:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shades Of Grey (Jasper Fforde) covered by Terry Pratchett.
Fifty Shades Of Grey covered by Chuck Palahniuk
Cranky_Windlass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheel of Time by Patrick Rothfuss.
Mostly 'cause I always wanted to know more about the mechanics of the "magic" in WoT. But also cause there's more then 2.2 books. And I'd hope he would replace the dress arranging and sniffles with fun edc items and clever insults
konaya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:44:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Doors of Stone by friggin' anyone at this point.
MultipleMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:45:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman present The Gunslinger
crab-bits_half-off ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:47:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Slaughterhouse 5 - chuck palahniuk
Keytrun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:48:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Grisham - Enders game.
hammuhshloggin88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Picture of Dorian Grey"...by Nicholas Sparks
pincer420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:49:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Stephen King
Xecron050 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's Fifty Shades of Gray
EloquenceMarie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see a cover of The Book Thief by Harper Lee
Edit: my dog stepped on my phone before I could finish the post... ;-;
Stalked_Like_Corn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:50:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King writes Game of Thrones books. Winter is coming and it's pissed. The Lannisters are cursed and the brother/sister thing spawns a posessed child who's name is Winter Lannister.
Azraela ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft's Dune. Much worm!
bubblegrubs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:51:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey - anybody that isnt pro rape.
Azraela ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:52:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frank Herbert's Little Mermaid
J-Pottz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:53:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Grapes of Wrath - Irvine Welsh
RagingWinston ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Lord of the Ring' - By J.K. Rowling
Le_Petit_Moore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually happening a bunch of authors are doing covers of Shakespeare including Jeanette Winterson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see what John Gardner can do with the Beowulf mythos.
RC_COW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:54:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick rothfus book 3 of the king killer chronicles
centech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Searching on mobile sucks but if nobody had mentioned it, John Scalzi actually did this with his Fuzzy book. I'd almost count the last hitchhiker's guide as well (the one DNA didn't write).
Surgeont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:55:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Graham Greene - The Wind-up Bird Chronicle
HugoTRB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Douglas Adams
martininkorea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covering One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, or Life of Pi
InfintexCourtxJester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace -A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY
Altair1192 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:57:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy presents: American Psycho
J5sf23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DF Wallace's American psycho could be fun I guess.
RagingWinston ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering a Goosebumps novel
rocksomesocks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well technically, it's been a pretty big thing for a while. The story of Robinson Crusoe has been covered by a bunch of writers. Romeo and Juliette has had many many rewritings. And then many, many others. And aren't fan fictions some sort of covers too ?
Fascist_Regime ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Henry Miller's - Pollyanna
GreenHighlighters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like a Harry Potter cover by Terry Pratchett.
Wackyal123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace, By Robert Zemekis.
IAmGerino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:59:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Late to the party... but this guy "covered" Harry Potter with a House/Sherlock/any other hyperintelligent maladjusted protagonist version of Harry: http://hpmor.com
It's absolutely positively brilliant.
crsc3110 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:00:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The 'Gone' Series- J.K Rowling
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:00:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's cover of The Picture of Dorian Gray. It would be darker and more messed up, not to mention richer in it's prose...
Aladayle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:00:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's
A Life of PiThe Count of Monte CristoIt'd be huge
uo959 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings Trilogy by Stephen King
keatno_pizza ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Neil Gaiman
JasonR1972 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephanie Meyers does Tom Clancy: RED MOON
Juhjuhi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:01:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice in Wonderland by Hunter S. Thompson
Jolocaust ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Hunter S. Thompson
Lil-Lanata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:02:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Altered Carbon - Dan Abnett.
Tapeworm1979 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:04:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peter F Hamilton covering Alastair Reynolds Revelation Space series
Peragon888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:05:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R Martin "The Fault in Our Stars"
InternetPerson9000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven king's Harry Potter
Potato1256 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL I should read more books. Only recognised Harry Potter out of all the top comments.
Banshee424 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining by Cormac MacCarthy
rolypolypenguins ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:06:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Martian by Michael Crichton
weesalouisa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:07:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter books "covered" by Terry Pratchett ๐
Dragonesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:08:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Holy Bible By George R. R. Martin
tres_drole ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by J. R. R. Tolkien.
Geo_Shark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Neil Gaiman.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Franz Kafka's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
jarodswegmeister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:09:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Men, by Roald Dahl.
2buckburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Green Mile by Edgar Allen Poe
StormyupNorth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Mark Twain.
Mr_M00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:10:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy crap, with all the great answers this needs to be a whole subreddit on its own.
radovanchvatik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gillian Flynns cover of Dolores Claiborne Edit: grammar
Roamer21XX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we count comic authors, how about Robert Kirkman's Twilight series
Citadel_CRA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:12:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway presents "Where the Wild Things Are"
George RR Martin's "The Giving Tree"
Michael Crichton: "Give a Mouse a Cookie"
Steven King's "Where the Sidewalk Ends"
helzbellz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy - The Stand.
TheTrueNobody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:13:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song of ice and fire by Lovecraft
blalkr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe does Pet Sematary.
PM_ME_A_WEBSITE_IDEA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter Series by Steven King. That shit would get real fast.
estabon37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't Michael Cunningham do this with 'The Hours')? It's not a straight cover in that it tells an original story, but the influence that Mrs Dalloway has over every aspect of The Hours shows that it is a loose cover, like how blues and jazz musicians often 'cover' a song, but with different lyrics and in a slightly different key or tempo.
So, 'The Hours' is like 'Tribute' by Tenacious D where 'Mrs Dalloway' is 'Stairway to Heaven' by Led Zepplin. The new version of the story is technically not a retelling of the old version of the story, it's just a rather similar (and legally defensible) story.
EDIT: Oh, and I want to see 'War and Peace' covered by Dr Seuss.
Darthsideoftheforce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey, by Dr. Suss
podobuzz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hubert Selby, Jr.'s "Lord of the Rings".
JonSnowInTheTardis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:15:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Winds of Winter by literally anyone
MichuV5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:16:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call of Cthulu, basically by anyone who have great enough imagination
Lux-xxv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Um Alex I take what are fairytales 1000
FaintDimension ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games, by Stephen King.
Lux-xxv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:17:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The honey West novels by Adam reed.
weesalouisa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:18:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would also love to read Sylvia Plath's version of a Dr. Seuss book, or her version of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky).. I feel like the metphors she uses would make the perks of being a wallflower more delicate but would still be an emotional whirlwind of a read. I would enjoy the darker element to the Dr. Seuss books in general.
tokvila ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:18:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Steven King. I'd read that
Kicking-it-per-se ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:18:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know it's a play but....Dr Faustus by Shirley Jackson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:18:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering The Diary of Anne Frank
SymphonicStorm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:19:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings as written by Terry Pratchett.
Really, almost any fantasy novel as written by Terry Pratchett.
astalavista114 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:34:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TBF, several of those exist in various forms in the Discworld novels.
running-from-eden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Martin Amis' cover of 'Lucky Jim', by Kingsley Amis.
stinkload ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:20:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King doing Alice in Wonderland
vivster28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter Series by George R R Martin
Would be much darker...
fizar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:21:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Re:Life in a different world from zero
I'd love to see other author's takes on the same scenarios.. so far right now it's my favorite light novel/manga/anime.
kingink79 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. Will Self did A Picture of Dorian Gray. It's very good.
zootielolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
b
mbeth666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Brett Easton Ellis
enhoel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asimov's Foundation series, by Billy Collins
pixlfarmer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:22:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Mitchell covers The Stand
chubs1994 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wheel of Time by George RR Martin
astalavista114 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Jordan's ASOIAF. Which is twice as long whilst Jordan describes the clothing in exquisite detail.
corrileigh0322 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Stephen King version of anything!
Atriious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:24:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and peace by Tolkien
dad0ughb0y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Allegory of the Cave (within The Republic) by the Wachowskis
annlec08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:25:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agatha Christie's Murder of Roger Ackroyd covered by JK Rowling. That's such a masterpiece!
mandingo_mike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:26:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It
Abencoa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Ice and Fiery Events
Halbix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's Harry Potter.
stu_h ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Star Wars By Phillip k dick
awanderingbark ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King
The Shining by Joe Hill
Harry Potter by C.S. Lewis
Pride and Prejudice by Edgar Allen Poe
riddus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Chuck Palahnuik
OfficialMinivan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:27:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by George R. R. Martin and A Song of Fire and Ice by George R. R. Tolkien
JonSnowInTheTardis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham by GRRM
Book becomes 200 pages long as every time Green eggs and ham is mentioned he launches into an elaborate description of the food.
CoffeeAddict76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm by George RR Martin
hell13yo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King
DzSma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:28:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Thin Red Line, by Paul Coelho
Hermont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Chuck Palahniuk.
riderkicker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:30:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's rendition of Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas series of novels.
SecretPotatoChip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:30:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The mixed up files of Basil E Frankweiler
MadMaui ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower, by George R. R. Martin.
The Dark Tower needs more food porn!!
DewMan001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's take on Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven
JJ12345678910 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:31:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
chuck palahniuk presents Harry Potter
Domhnal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:32:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A little too late to this party, but: Ulysses by Suzanne Collins. I just need someone to really break it down for me in terms of language (not add colosseum fighting).
On the flip side, Hunger Games by James Joyce would be fun. He's a modern day Ovid, and Hunger Games is one of the first mainstream female mythology, so I'd love to see his take on it. But then Collins could break it back down for me...
FiveAgst1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:32:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of the deal by Stephen king
N8CCRG ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:32:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hyperion by Dan Simmons is absolutely a cover of The Canterbury Tales, just set in an amazing sci-fi universe. Dan Simmons is definitely a huge literary nerd who loves to make literature an actual piece of his story.
Shock4ndAwe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:33:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by James S.A. Corey.
WiseFlame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:35:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Mikhail Bulgakov's Master and Margarita 'covered' by Neil Gaiman. I'm struggling to think about how it would turn out, but excited at the very prospect!
swarm_of_badgers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson doing a rewrite of the rest of the 'Wheel of Time'.
I love the series as is, but having already read his 'Cover' of the last few books, I would really, really, like to see his take on the rest.
nihilance ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimen's Harry Potter
...oh wait.
6745408 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Are you there God? It's Me Margaret' by Richard Dawkins
Yngmamac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pet Cemetery - Dr. Seuss, Little Women - George RR Martin, The secret garden - Jk Rowling
Alexdomz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible
Jazzghul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the rings by HP Lovecraft
Beeronastring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - Harry Potter
Dreadedm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:38:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Super late to the party, but Neil Gaiman's twist on King's 'The Dark Tower' series would be amazing.
VoidKatana ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:38:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Aldous Huxley and Brave New World by George Orwell
MeatShield420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:38:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Hunter S. Thompson
QueenoftheDirtPlanet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:38:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower by GRRM
weaselking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
MLein97 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do, but only with the Oddessy for some odd reason
dkeith1997 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd want George rr Martin to do Hitchhiker's guide but with my luck he'd do it instead of winds of winter
fashbuster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Stephen King's Gunslinger.
the_dj_zig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "The Haunting of Hill House"
Or Shirley Jackson's "The Shining"
Take your pick
ocularsinister2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm late to the party, but this has actually been done. Will Self did a cover of A Picture of Dorian Grey.
SUPERKOYN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R Martin's Harry Potter.
Book 1, chapter 1
A green flash. The boy who died
SerScronzarelli ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of the "Harry Potter" books. - Stephen King
maracusdesu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman, Fight Club.
seelay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see a much darker Hunger Games without the love triangle bullshit
DEADdrop_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Philip K Dick
confusedbrownman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Idk why, but i feel like a cover of 'The white tiger' by John Grisham would be an interesting read.
Shantotto11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey covered by J.K. Rowling...
tway1948 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Diaspora by Dennis E Taylor
or conversely
The Bobiverse Trilogy by Greg Egan
Tesrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:41:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecraft rewriting the Harry Potter series would be pretty amazing.
Nick_561 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To Kill a Mockingbird by Dr. Seuss
slipdeth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings trilogy by Douglas Adams
bas-machine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:43:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neuromancer by Richard K. Morgan
Funktopuss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "The Hobbit"
Nate1602 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Richard Dawkins
jadayne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:44:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gravity's Rainbow by Dr. Seuss
Nighthawk0973 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:45:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JK Rowling's Moby Dick. You're a wizard, Ishmael.
Knot_My_Name ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Way too late to the show but George RR Martins Harry Potter!
kim_jong_un4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:46:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Congratulations OP! Your post is one of the top posts on this subreddit!
Neil1815 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Philosophers' Throne by GRR Martin.
BigFudge51 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be interested to read a modernized version of Catch-22 in relation to the style of war now.
wolffcage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:47:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote by Pierre Menard
fireball_73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No one has suggested an author for Dune...
spillykate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is an amazing thread! I have no original suggestions but wanted to share the Hogarth Shakespeare project (http://crownpublishing.com/hogarth-shakespeare) The retelling (or covering) of Shakespeare classics by current authors using modern themes.
Top of my list is Margaret Atwood's retelling of the tempest, Hag-Seed.
asshole_commenting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:48:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
a bit obvious but Harry Potter done by GRRM
Chaos_Philosopher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:49:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhikers Guide by Mathew Riley.
TheCreatrixPrototype ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:50:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"50 Shades of Grey" by Anthony Horowitz
Tesrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:50:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Also... since this is my second comment. Harry Potter as told by Neal Stephenson. It's now a cyber punk blend of Ready Player One and Neuromancer.
Bad_Idea_Hat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Scalzi's Dune
ShootURIout64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Lemony Snicket
Poppamunz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:51:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Martian by George R.R. Martin. The storm kills everyone but Mark, and the story changes accordingly.
logical_outcome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Steven Erikson.
Dr_Smeegee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:52:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuzzy Nation by John Scalzi
Firepickle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You mean by not changing the words? I probably wouldn't bother.
FranTic311 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Tolkien
daceej ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thronemancer by William Gibson
Cerwol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:53:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Dan Brown
john_dune ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Speaker for the Dead (original by Orson Scott Card) by Frank Herbert
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:54:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter, Bret Easton Ellis
Oh yes I would
deWaalflower ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King presents The road. Actual punctuation and if anyone can explain what happened (in great detail) it would him.
tpierick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen kings a song of ice and fire
Ponkers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:55:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Terry Pratchett.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:56:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't that more a remix than a cover?
Snowyplays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:57:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dav Pilkey's Skulduggery Pleasant.
Who wouldn't want a flip-o-rama of Tanith decapitating someone?
TheSilverOne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All shift X does a reading of game of thrones but abridged it
hannang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
goof
Tigris474 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of Grey by Shel Silverstein
(Who actually wrote "Freakers Ball" the Dr. Hook song about being kinky)
TheTallGuy0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:59:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thopmson's Fear and Loathing done by David Foster Wallace. There'd be a 10 page description of what kind of bats there are in bat country, with 17 footnotes on every other page.
TheTurkeyChronicles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Gray by Dr. Suess
Eloweasel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson takes on Harry Potter - holy BALLS that'd be amazingly good. Although the man could take on anything and turn it into gold.
Drumlin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King:
Basically, any book you were required to read in middle/high school would be so much better if written by Stephen King.
twindad22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone - Stephen King
HodorNoMoreHodoring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The God Delusion by Ken Ham
inkboy12345 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:00:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If stephan king covered the catcher in the rye it'd resemble a black mirror episode
BigDawg2034 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Ian Fleming
throway_nonjw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ummmmmmm...
izzmosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman Wizard of Oz
maine64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by George RR Martin
Feefait ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman does Harry Potter.
DarkReign2011 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Id love to see the Jurassic Park novels done by a sci-fi author. Perhaps let Greg Bear or Orson Card take a crack at it.
newscriptforlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The entire Harry Potter series in one volume by Charles Dickens.
BobTheBanter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:01:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The harry potter series by JRR Tolkien not so much the lord of the rings by JK Rowling though
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Dhalgaren
itsthematrixdood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not sure if this counts but if Cormac McCarthy could cover the Wizard of Oz.
leliik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Jason Bourne series, by Milan Kundera.
In which Jason spends hours contemplating his identity, interspersed with moments of action.
snorkel42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Ayn Rand
special-snowflake- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Macbeth by George R.R. Martin
livingredwood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:02:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fault in Our Stars by David Foster Wallace
naxoscyclades ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:03:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Flowers For Algernon' by Mickey Mouse.
jvek8605 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:03:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by George R.R. Martin
melnificent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:03:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King rewritten by James Herbert. All of them.
thegrimsqueeker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Terry Pratchett. I love Martins universe but hate his plots, as well as how ssriously the whole thing takes itself, in the worst way possible. Pratchett was always a delight, and I'd love to see how he took dull, gruff characters like The Hound or Jon Snow and made them multidimensional, funny and relatable.
Clemen11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:04:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Crimes in Rue morgue" by JL Borges
aw0015 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:05:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by JK Rowling
whistleridge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by Cormac McCarthy.
Jaxel_MS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:06:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Jami3San ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings version of "To Kill a Mockingbird" or Hunter S Thompson's version of "1984"
Tophtech ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's, The Bible. Because why not.
Benderisgreat4 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:07:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clock work orange by Chuck Palahniuk
Lifesizedbarbee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord Of The Rings by Ernest Hemingway
epitap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin writing The Lord of the Rings.
TomBonner1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Harry Potter
Victuz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson - Ender's Game. It would be quite different I think.
BlueberryPhi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:08:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know the time doesn't line up right, but I'd like to see Mark Twain's take on The Colour of Magic
thelosermonster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy - Where the Wild Things Are
RickNeedsSzechuan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm a bit late, but 'A Song of Ice and Fire' by Dr. Seuss
TheGuyDoug ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Stephen King
Muaic53 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:09:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In a way books are covered when translated to other languages
SecretlyVegan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings The lord of the rings.
DownvotesWankers ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to read any poems by someone written by the sprog novelty account all day every day
vegaswoods ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:10:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series-J. R.R Tolkien
Urwifesmugglescorn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Road by Terry Pratchett
isola2000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King presents: The Harry Potter Series
OSA_001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" by Stephen King
Emrecof ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:11:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Derek Landy's The Lord of the Rings
purefire ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's Twilight
Calebx84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This immediately made me think of Tolken's translation of Beowulf, and the other translations of classical pieces.
decorama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" - Coen Brothers.
eawages3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'The Lorax' by Stephen King
Torterran ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series written by Stephen King or The Hobbit written by GRRM
SteveBonus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:13:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War by Donald Trump
BradSavage64 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covers the Bible
CotillionTheRope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's already a lot of Game of Thrones by ____, but I'd like to see it done by Guy Gavriel Kay.
Rhineo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:14:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sound of silence - disturbed
Wallfullawafulls ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Chuck Palaniuk
Nutteria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones series covered by Stephen King
War and Peace covered by James Clavell
MahSelectah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would love to see someone get a hold of Michael Crichtons stuff. Especially that fucking awful Micro.
littlelioness02 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Les Misรจrables by Lemony Snicket.
LightningMaiden ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:15:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King rewrites Pride and Prejudice
GeneralWAITE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice in Wonderland by Chuck Palahniuk
powerofthegem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The magic treehouse by Steven King
Mellonhead58 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:16:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan before he finished Percy Jackson covers the entire Hunger Games, Divergent, and Maze series'.
Everyday-formula ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
L Ron Hubbard - Fight Club
Louie69eyes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Horton hear a who by Stephen King
The_Kiriyama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:17:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Inheritance Cycle by JK Rowling
AustinYQM ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:18:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Neil Gaiman
Rampador ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:18:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to suggest a Vonnegut interpretation of The Catcher in the Rye, but I get the feeling it's the same as asking for an illustrated version.
Maybe instead just have him cover any of these dystopian YA novels.
AlasdairOfReddit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Louis de Berniรจres' cover of 'Les Miserables'.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Miguel de Cervantes' cover of Jorge Luis Borges' "Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote".
/obscure and 3000 comments too late
Spupid_Stoonerism ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:19:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cough cough fan fiction cough cough
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Fault in Our Stars by Karl Marx
DotMatrix98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone by George R R Martin
N_Meister ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and peace by Douglas Adams
Naeture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R Tolkien's. 'Bible'
purpleyellowredblues ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by jk Rowling
FREE_PALESTINE_NOW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:20:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The A Song of Ice and Fire series, covered by literally anyone who would actually finish the story. I'll do it myself if Martin dies before he finishes it
mrmo24 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty shades of gray - earnest hemingway
whitesquare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Dune as performed by Robert Kirkman & Charlie Adlard.
houseplanta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:21:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mortal Engines by Oscar Wilde
Feline_Diabetes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:22:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice covered by Irvine Welsh
TheNecromancer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pratchett's Silmarillion
Balo_West ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "The Mask of the Red Death" (not a novel, would still be good). Cormac McCarthy's "The Hobbit".
MK510 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Series Of Unfortunate Events by George R.R Martin.
MagicToast42 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trump's The Art of the Deal, by Stephen King.
EquinTheGeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Rick Riordan.
PhoenixVersion1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:23:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by HP Lovecraft. Mortal Kombat: The Novelization by F. Scott Fitzgerald Catcher in the Rye by George R. R. Martin The Call of Cthulhu by Dr. Seuss Psycho by Ernest Hemingway
UNDEADxTOFUx117 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Gray by Dr. Seuss because it'd be hilarious.
JackMontegue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Hardy Boys" by JK Rowling
or "Nancy Drew" by JK Rowling
IM_MISTER_MEESEEKS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covers Stephen King's IT.
killershwee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:24:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If he was still alive, I'd love to see Terry Pratchet cover Harry Potter.
zirchev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book is a Rewriting of the Jungle Book. So technically covers already exist.
actionjacksoned ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Misery, by Anne Rice
jurassicbond ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:25:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They kind of do already. Just off the top of my head, "The Stars My Destination" is a sci-fi take on The Count of Monte Cristo. "Fuzzy Nation" by John Scalzi is a 'reboot' on a 60's sci-fi novel called "Little Fuzzy." God knows how many authors have taken on modern retellings of Shakespeare (who himself was retelling some older stories), Odyessey, etc.
Z1stCNTRYdgtlBOY ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss and GRRM crossover with Song of Ice and Fire and Kingkiller Chronicle
zeus7000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe covers tales from the three brothers Grimm
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:26:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Psycho by William S. Burroughs.
truthorundress ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In Turkish version of crime and punishment, Raskolnikov become muslim and prays. I guess its a nice example of covering=)
Belelodin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of comments so probably somewhere but
Robert Asprin on pretty much anything would be my choice. I mean his books kinda already are covers of stories but he just makes things enjoyable. Would be nice to see his style with some other books, Eragon for instance could use a bit more light heartedness
Butterballer22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by J.K Rowling and the Timewasters
Zerotan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Horror stories by children's authors, children's stories by horror authors.
I'm thinking... Watership Down by Trey Parker and Matt Stone
or... Michael Crichton stuff by Isaac Asimov - get away from the pulp and add some more depth and consequence to the worldbuilding.
pro5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pat Rothfuss writing Doors of Stone
bilbotheunreal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:27:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 - George RR Martin
HappyURaJakass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Food of the gods!!
Neldesh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I dont know if it counts:"I would wet my pants if Foucault madeva cover for A world of ice and fire
serosis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Martian - Stephen King
joq83755 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:28:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Saruman's perspective is highlighted in two or three sections and you in reality sort of concur with him.
dine_oh_soar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Seeing as he's just a food writer at this point, George R.R. Martin's Green Eggs and Ham!
manxcanadian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Irvin Walsh - stranger in a strange land!
DanishApollon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker writes The Old Testament.
RevolverOcelot420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Brooks' Lord of the Rings
ohwait...
ImKnotU ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:30:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher - Sherlock Holmes Christopher Golden - Twilight
knight_check ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Lorax" by Margaret Atwood
Pavlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman kind of did this already with The Graveyard Book. He was heavily influenced by Kipling's The Jungle Book.
It's a good read, highly recommend.
roostershoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:31:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce kinda did cover the Odyssey
blue_eyed_yankee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Couldn't different translations of older books be that? For example the Odyssey and its many different versions
highsnturd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
What a fantastic idea.
Authors, start figuring out a royalty scheme.
And my vote would be The Razor's Edge, covered by Kurt Vonnegut.
Isulet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill O'riely does Heart of Darkness, or should I say killing Kurtz.
PMme_slave_leia_pics ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:33:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Breakfast of champions covered by Henry miller.
Oblodo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Lord of The Rings" would be cool.
GalacticGrandma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:34:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Greens the Great Gatsby. Now with -50% dickishness, and 42% more pretention.
Cacti_Hall ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's going to be some in these replies so I might as well say it anyway for reference. r/jesuschristreddit I'd personally like the Lightning Thief. It would be pretty exciting to read.
Chip_Clydesdale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see what Seth grahame-smith could do to pride and prejudice.
CaptainLuck ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:35:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by Shakespeare
obsidianhoax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Brandon Sanderson
TSwizzlesNipples ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT by Clive Barker.
nomad2006 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Dark Tower" series by Neil Gaiman.
He could pull from his styles in "American Gods" and "Neverwhere" to write his version of Roland Deschain's journey. Gaiman also knows King personally, And I think that he could capture the essence of King's tale in his own way.
And honestly, Gaiman does a better job of wrapping up his stories neatly--something King struggles with occasionally, and very notably so in The Dark Tower.
SuperSpyTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:36:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jk Rowling should cover It by Stephen king
Kill_Welly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson series by Neil Gaiman.
Spamakin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Tale of Two Cities by Adam Douglas
IllogicalMind ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games, written by Stephen King.
Watch it turn into The Haunted Games as King adds up more and more supernatural shit into the novel.
Lou_Dude929 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Mice and Men by George RR Martin
Lenny just wanted to tend the dragons...
bbyfishmouth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Lord of the Rings
GreenGlassDrgn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:37:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King: The Wizard of Oz
beeps-n-boops ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Richard Bachman (yes, I know it's Stephen King, but his 1970s dystopian writing style on the original Bachman novels is what I'm going for here)
This is a brilliant idea, BTW... not mine, but the OPs. Would love to see this happen!
armandg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:38:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covers Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
nihilism_for_jesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, unknown
lawriedoesstuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
G.R.R Martins version of the witcher series
This-Above-All ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Of Mice and Men
Exitus1911 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft Lord Of The Rings
B0BBIT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible written by Jake Harmon (creator of Rick and Morty)
too wasted to google his first name
land-under-wave ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:42:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
It's Dan.
DennethMayhem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:39:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A good author - Resistance.
Resistance is a book which has a brilliant idea, and found every way to ruin it, making it boring, unengaging, and overall destroys any want to carry on reading.
hotcupofswag ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Watts does Alice in wonderland
speeb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great question, I'll be thinking about it all day. If you're interested, Fool by Christopher Moore takes on King Lear!
BrotherDBAD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:40:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Bukowski.
Look at the balls on Grimli. Not much of a cock but look at those balls.
arct1cc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
literally anything by Lemony Snicket
CapsFan2448 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien does the Inheritance Cycle would have been wicked.
lewisisgud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Kurt Vonnegut
ferro4200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson - the bible
The_RTV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already kind of did that in a book called Rip-Off! A bunch of Sci-fi writers used their favorite stories (any genre) as prompts to write a new sci-fi short story in one book. It's really good.
LinkdudeGamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by J.R.R Tolkein
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sean Michaels presents: Prelude to Foundation. I think the way he wrote Us Conductors would be really compatible with Prelude's style. He would do Hari justice.
natester1001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower and Lord of the Flies
ItsDatBoiPrimmSlim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
SYLO - presented by Skrillex
kristoferen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:42:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fuzzy Nation by Scalzi
JockyMc71 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see what Eva Classify would do with a story
Bishib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:43:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Orson Scott card - ready player one. Or even Stephen King in the style of the dark tower.
wadawalnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finnegans Wake by Dr. Seuss
IMR800X ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway's "The Iliad"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by J.K. Rowling.
MorkSal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Some do kind of.
I remember reading Frankenstein by Dean Koontz. Loved his books as a teen.
jpontyface ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:44:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ever read Fool? It's like a cover for King Lear - and a good one at that.
KeXD_Rawr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King does Harry Potter. A horror story set in the world of wizards.
stelviopass ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Douglas Adams or Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Bill Bryson
frogchin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Patrick Rothfuss
abearc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see twilight written with a better writing style and decent character development.
Madmike215 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Tom Clancy
Aussie_Bogan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King covering Andy Griffiths
Pinstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Terry Prachet
fromdecatur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:45:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Irving covers Roberton Davies' Fifth Business. Oh wait, that actually happened when he wrote A Prayer for Owen Meany.
Plasmotik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Percy Jackson series, but J.K. Rowling
abearc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see twilight written with a better writing style and decent character development.
JimTeifrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Biscuit rides a bike
TogetherInABookSea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Retellings are actually one of my favorites to read. There's Pride and Prejudice and Zombies that got made into a movie. I just got donr reading Heartstone by Elle Katharine White that is Pride and Prejudice in a fantasy setting with dragons. I liked it a lot, really looking forward to the rest of that authors works.
Beauty by Robin Mckinely is my favorite book of all time and a retelling of Beauty and the Beast. Robin Mckinley has another version called Rose Daughter, which is also very good. I have tons more, but that's just a few.
jilkymoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoevsky's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep"
Cmaaac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:46:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any harry potter narrated by Snoop Dogg.
austen8991 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by RR Martin
Vizina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This situation reminds me of Brandon Sanderson picking up and finishing The Wheel of Time Series after author Robert Jordan passed away. He did it with his partially written chapters, the authors wife, and hundreds of pages of notes. Artfully done I might add.
aDoge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:47:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see a cover of The Odyssey written by Virgil
... wait a second.
dtaylorshaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible
marvinisarobot69 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
that must be the most "covered" book
SupremeDesigner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's cool, you made it to the top 10 of the day on all!
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by George R.R. Martin. Middle Earth written in total brutality.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
johnny cash hurt hands down the best song covered and the best book covered
feorlike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Divine Comedy covered by Stephen King.
ntrontty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:48:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covers Harry Potter.
Suicidal_Ferret ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dresden Files by Jonathan Maberry and the Joe Ledger series by Jim Butcher
NC_DE336 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by Stephen King.
grey_lollipop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War of the Worlds by one of the authors of the Bible. (Don't know which one though)
Korvfyfan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams, Dune
Jewdebega ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory".
Ucla_The_Mok ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Handmaid's Tale by Donald Trump
ultitaria ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Robbins doing Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle
WhiteAssDaddy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:50:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Ernest Hemingway
meyaht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
hitchhikers guide by Patrick rothfuss
tommy914 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski's Count Zero, but it might read like Richard K. Morgan
apachehood ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To kill a mocking bird-George R. R. Martin
DeathAfterDeath ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Dr Seuss
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Brandon Sanderson.
JoJoFantastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:51:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Cormac McCarthy
Paxtonian72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:52:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wizard of Oz by George R. R. Martin
Baraxton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Charles Bukowski.
Markmange ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:53:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining, covered by John Green
Darkside3337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Intensity", re-imagined by Stephen King. I am curious to see what he would create from what I consider to be a master stroke of dramatic fiction. I vividly remember reading and re-reading it, a hopeful sophomore in high school and wanting to be a writer. I was fucking electrified by the simplicity and detail, never before or again did a novel animate my emotions and imagination like that.
By Dean Koontz, I believe.
Darkside3337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By Dean Koontz, I believe
DrugsandGlugs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Ralph Ellison
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William S. Burroughs writes, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone".
In the style of Naked Lunch
N4hhh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"IT" by Nicholas sparks
Die_Blauen_Dragoner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:54:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cat in the hat, H.P. Lovecraft.
Funkicus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' "The Bible"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where the Sidewalk Ends by Dr. Seuss
TechniChara ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would say G.R.R. Martin for either Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, but he needs to actually finished AoS first.
DeciTheSpy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Men by George R. R. Martin. Basically Lennie slowly is killing everyone on the ranch, especially the character that you like.
likwid6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Name of the Wind (Kingkiller Chronicles) by Brandon Sanderson
Hauntergeist094b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's How It Stole Christmas
SolongStarbird ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, as told by William Shakespeare.
musicman000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:55:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible By Dr. Suess
thatswhatshesaidxx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club - Margaret Atwood
The Handmaid's Tale - Chuck Palahniuk
caroline56789 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:56:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by JD Salinger
moneymattharris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by Bill Bryson
Forcistus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Irvine Welsh - The Bible
JmmiP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:57:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J R R Tolkien
overloss123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of dwarf - Terry Pratchett
Baraxton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:58:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Million Little Pieces by Chuck Palahniuk.
JmmiP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Genesis by Dr Seuss
Ginger-F ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by David Gemmell (especially Waylander) covered by Joe Abercrombie.
Funkidelic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:59:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watership Down by Stephen King. Of course, we'd probably have 500 pages of Fiver's visions.
Neuronzap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King: Blood Meridian
Enakoma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:01:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy - Terry Pratchett
TheBowlerCapFairy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Actually, they do. "Pride and Prejudice" has been covered many times. Think "Bridget Jones's Diary" or "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies".
TheKidWithBieberHair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holes by Chuck Palahniuk
thirsty_swearwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump covering the Bible in the same way he gives speeches. It would be huge!
thirsty_swearwolf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Audiobook version.....please baby Jesus.
bonkersfrog ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's The Art of War
MulaManca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:02:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of The Rings by Dr. Seuss Come on, who doesn't want to see this?
cosmincidence ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:03:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carlos Ruiz Zafon with Jane Eyre
syntaxvorlon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Jane Eyre?
Hajime Isayama's Where the Wild Things Are.
Aaron143574 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gone with the wind by George R.R Martin
KexyKnave ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Pike: The Last Vampire series. Only, the main character is female so it should have a female 'voice actor'
brin_aholdsback ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of the Rings by Douglas Adams
Fight Club by Stephen King
jeoush ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this is the best thread I've seen on reddit
captaineighttrack ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:04:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do robots dream of electric sheep by Douglas Adams
BarkingTurnip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bit late to the party, but here's mine:
Christopher Moore does Dan Brown's books. Interesting mysteries and great dialogue.
Jim Butcher does the True Blood Series. Let's see Sookie toughen up a bit.
JK Rowling tries to save The Witch and The Wizard series. I could only get through like 15 pages (aka 10 chapters) of that travesty.
And George R.R. Martin and the author of Redwall (Brian Jacques RIP) switch series. I feel like the feast scene in Game of Thrones would stay just as long but be tastier, and introducing incest a world where everyone is an animal isn't as creepy.
Timelordturtwig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alexander hamilton by Ron Chernow ๐
billybigboobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Cormac Mccarthy cover some Josรฉ Saramago, it'd all just be one long punctuation-free paragraph littered with snippets of portuguese.
Awkwardeb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series by Chuck Palahniuk
once_was_a_girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:05:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything Dr. Seuss covered by Stephen King
IrritableStool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've read a few comments and haven't seen this suggested, and I can't CTRL-F because I'm on mobile, so here goes.
JK Rowling presents The Lord of the Rings.
May be a bit of an obvious one, but Rowling's unique style and ability to not just tell a story, but to make the reader feel every detail would greatly compliment TLOTR. I love the way she introduced the world of magic in Philosopher's Stone, and I think that sort of thing would work wonders with Middle Earth.
teeayeemm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by Douglas Adams
13thgeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's 'The Stand' by Dr. Seuss
It's made even better, on account of Suess being dead.
slimb0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Boxcar Children, by Cormac McCarthy
pointlessBRZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:06:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stranger by Ray Bradbury
kjreil26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by stephen king
13thgeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about...
George Orwell's '1984' by Earnest Cline
Imagine all the nostalgic references from 'Ready Player One' but actually in a dystopian 1980s
minikowalkes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:07:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 - John Steinbeck (if it were physically possible)
Vennificus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any memoir but written by Terry Pratchett
Stotakoya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:08:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by George R.R. Martin.
peruviansonata ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:09:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible - H.P. Lovecraft
EnIdiot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's The Stand.
DelicousIrony ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tyler Perry's of mice and men
dianawelch25 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hamlet by George R. R. Martin. Everyone still dies, lots more sex.
jackrayd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goblet of fire by Cormac McCarthy
Jason_Anaminus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:10:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Ursula K. Le Guin.
oh wait
thatkidthoi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Stephen Hawking
shelley-wretch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:11:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Margaret Atwood
Topsyt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything mildly serious covered by Dr Seuss would be amazing. Can you imagine if there were a Dr Seuss cover of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo?
aDeepKafkaesqueStare ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter written by Dante.
Tbh, I'd devour anything written as if Dante wrote it.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Girls" by Henry Miller instead of Lena Dunham. (ok ok I know it's not a novel)
Zivir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:13:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rothfuss' "Harry Potter"
DoctorLazerRage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy - Dune.
higginsburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Notebook by F. Scott Fitzgerald
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:14:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses, by Shel Silverstein
Redbeastmage ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sun Tzu's The Art of War - By Shel Silverstein
13thgeneral ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolstoy's 'War and Peace' by Neil Gaiman
Craaaiiig ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frankenstein by Stephen King. I feel like that has some potential.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Gruffalo" by Norman Mailer
jippmokk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:15:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Brown, The Bible
RainbowSixSWAT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Planet of the apes by Michael Crichton
3kidsmakemecrazy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by JK Rowling
toxicoctopus202 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:16:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Dune.
King_Barrion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dune" covered by Ken Follett would be interesting.
charizard77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:17:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote by Ian Fleming
DominusAstra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would actually be really interesting. It's like reading the same book but from the unique style of another author. Authors should do this. I would totally read a Lord of the Rings written by the author of Harry Potter (or vice versa if Tolkien was still alive :( )
morgunus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter the entire Series, Patrick Rothfuss
wheeledjustice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adam's Huckleberry Finn
squid_cat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series written by Richard Adams. Still British, still imaginative, way more real and horrhorrifying.
JackEvets ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Julia Donaldson - A Story of Ice and Fire
Disclaimer - Spoiler Alert
The story starts in Winterfell, there live the Starks, their skin is pale.
The King came calling in one day, to tell the Starks they must obey.
They travel south where it begins. To deal with lies, death and the king.
The iron throne is the prize. But every body seems to die.
The nice guy, he's called Ned, ended up without a head.
mastegas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ย Edith Wharton's American Psycho
sblow08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:18:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton kind of "covered" Beowulf with his book "Eaters of the Dead." It was a great read.
TMDaniel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by George R.R. Martin
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Tolkien
LuxemPro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frankenstein by Terry Pratchett.
Mugen666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don Quixote
PhrosstBite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:20:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "Call of Cthulhu"
plus11 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably the best idea anyone has ever had.
DemonicMandrill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of time series by George RR Martin.
ancientkillerX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Mein cramps" by downfall hitler
myblacklabmatters ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Brave New World by Chuck Palahniuk.
geacps2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:21:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
they do cover novels, there are only a few basic story lines
A40 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Heinlein omnibus by Elizabeth Moon or David Weber
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hogwarts by Jim Butcher
bobrossthemobboss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984 by Donald Trump
AStudyinBlueBoxes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:22:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace covers The Great Gatsby.
LoudmouthLees ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings "War of the Worlds", then to top it off a Kanye West cover of Jeff Wayne's musical epic but now based on Kings adaptation...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:23:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower by Terry Pratchett
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hemingway's Gatsby
Yonderlad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who would be your top 5 best "cover" authors?
jef_snow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of my favorite authors, Peter Watts, a Canadian dystopian science fiction author, did just that in a collection of short stories he published.
One of the stories was a beautiful rendition of John Carpenters "The Thing" but done from the perspective of the THING instead of the people.
It is a bit dark (thankfully!) but here it is published in Clarkesworld if you're interested: The Things by Peter Watts
sshuit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Dr. Seuss
in_me_bum_mum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:25:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey - Stephen King
Zireks ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 12:55:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Maine
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's "Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything by Orson Wells covered by David Wong.
Iamchinesedotcom ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watership Down written by Brian Jacques
mdelach ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:26:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by Stephen king
Mystleteinn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is already a thing.
A_really_clever_pun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter Series by Chuck Palahniuk
Pompeyboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:27:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Copperfield by Mark Twain
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Lord of the Ri-...
Wait, nvm.
Ankari ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Wheel of Time by Steven Erikson.
Mtn_1999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by George R R Martin
Blue_and_Light ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is pretty much what authors do already, hence the amateur authors' lamentings about tropes, clichรฉs, and the lack of original ideas.
AppollyonRising ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This has been nothing but amazing. How about...
Friedrich Nietzsche covers Batman: The Killing Joke. I know it isn't a literary classic or anything but I think it would be cool to see Nietzsche's Joker. Edit: I used poor wording.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:29:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allan Poe's Hamlet. No, not technically a novel, but it could be.
ZnowWhite ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bible - G.R.R.M
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How is George R. R. Martin's "Harry Potter" not on here already? There was a thread about it a few months ago and it sounds fucking amazing
leonlummer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim burton's Calvin and Hobbes. Oh hang, wait a sec
FUN_617 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's captain underpants, Stephen King, Twilight
aaronsweber ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:30:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Obligatory reference to Jorge Luis Borges' short story Pierre Menard, Author of the Quijote, in which a writer creates a word-for-word identical copy of Don Quijote. But of course having been written in the 20th century, it means totally different things, critically.
smurfrielle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Stephen King.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Clockwork Orange Roald Dahl
Dranordan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Neverending Story by H.P. Lovecraft. The book Bastian is reading turns out to be the Necronomicon.
JayArtey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:31:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Pooh by Cormac McCarthy
twobyfore ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Notebook". Stephen King
Effendoor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:32:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shannara series by Brandon Sanderson i would love ti read
k_man ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series covered by Philip Pullman. It would be darker and more intricate.
I would love to see Steven King covering the Silence of the Lambs / Red Dragon Series by Thomas Harris. I can't imagine Steven King fucking up the ending!
The Homesman by Cormack Mcarthy. Bleak. Depressing. Poetic.
1Arcen1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:33:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire rewritten by J.R.R.Tolkein which isn't really possible but something that would've been cool to read...
wiperfromwarren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
World War Z by Tom Clancy
Dio_Ludicolo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:34:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call of Cthulhu by Dr. Seuss
Alternatively, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by H.P. Lovecraft
GrecoRomanGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eoin Colfer covering Harry Potter.
I feel the sense of humor from the Artemis Fowl series would be hilarious to read in the wizarding world.
bkozuma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see the data on this post plotted by r/dataisbeautiful
OhThatsRich88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:35:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Dr. Seuss
nikolatesla248 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hamlet by Mark Twain
NoNoAkimbo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:36:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunger Games by George R.R. Martin
OGBeau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Clockwork Orange by Bret Easton Ellis
akvaxthelich ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call of Cthulhu by Dr. Seuss
darko_aestheticsbrah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R. R. Martin
ScotsDoItBetter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:37:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Leviathan series by Micheal Crichton
Mixedbysaint ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's Fields of Fire
Cctroma ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Terry Pratchett.
Hippocalypse44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:38:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arthur C. Clarke and Orson Scott Card swap Rendezvous with Rama and Ender's Game with Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's Guide series
The_Red_Apple ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pierre Menard - Don Quixote
technoSurrealist ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:39:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune by Mark Z Danielewski
avobian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace by Terry Pratchet Harry Potter by Asimov Twilight series by F Scott Fitzgerald
RhinoNamedHippo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
oh my god Prachet's War and Peace would be something to broadcast to the stars
Pendragon3141 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft presents One fish two fish red fish blue fish
One Cthulhu two Cthulhu red Cthulhu blue Cthulhu
goldenmirrors ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:40:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - J.K. Rowling
Love how she does world-building, so I think she'd have a great take on the scenario and setting while still capturing the children's book feel.
elwahrio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellis' The Babysitters' Club
maarrtee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.R.R. Tolkins's "Oh the places you'll go"
jtatchell98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of gray by Dr Suess
NeoDammarung ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:41:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami covers Neuromancer Marjane Satrapi covers The Catcher in The Rye William Gibson covers Ready Player One
Baby_Powder ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Sun Also Rises- by Jim Butcher
Milo_Burns ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible
dbasinge ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martian's Dune.
funjaband ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jonathan safran foer, what is not yours is not yours
CDeruiter5963 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Deltora Quest Series by Terry Prachett
The Edge Chronicles by George R R Martin
dusmeyedin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:42:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Serious example:
Jean Rhys wrote a book, "Wide Sargasso Sea", which was a prequel to Jane Eyre, but told from the villain's point of view. It humanized the madwoman in the attic by telling you the story of how she got to be that way, in the decolonization process when British expats suddenly lost everything in the colonies.
It came out about a century after the original work, and if you just skim through the book, it's actually possible to completely miss its plot relationship to Jane Eyre - the references to the earlier work are quite oblique.
I read that book in college and ever after I've enjoyed fan works that "rehabilitate" or recast the villain of a major piece in their own light and justifications.
TheMechanicusBob ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's The Hobbit.
spanna88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by Anthony Bourdain
ShambolicPaul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Enders game.
pretzelzetzel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'A Tale of Two Cities' by Cormac McCarthy. Actually, any Dickens covers by McCarthy.
TeamJumanji ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:43:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Way late to the party, but:
1984, Cormac McCarthy Catcher in the Rye, Margaret Atwood As I Lay Dying, Dave Eggers
Zireks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan covers a Song of Ice and Fire
natephant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil gaimen wrote some Norse mythology and it was pretty dope.
In fact there are quite a few examples of public domain properties being re written that you could take a look at.
Zevyn-Xyne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Dune" By: Douglas Adams
HolyMolyKevBot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's take on Stephen King's Misery would be awesome
shrub_hugger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's, The Cat in the Hat.
chairWithShoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. Ulysses / Odyssey, heaps of authors have covered many of Shakespeare's works (see Hamlet).
That said, Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance by Douglas Adams
jogi01234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering anything really, but most of all a Rebus novel by Asian Rankin.
jogi01234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Or even Ian!
jogi01234 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Though I may have Asian Rankin as my new band name.
MisterEggyEgg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gone Girl by Dr Seuss
PalpatinesUnderwear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Blood Meridian by Chuck Palahniuk
gameaddict877 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm currently fancying a cover of Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief - By H. P. Lovecraft
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:46:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hideaki Anno - Harry Potter
qvulture ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter: The boy that died (GRRM)
Frostslayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:47:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess presents Mein Kampf
ericherren ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watching that I
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Last of the Mohicans.
Turanga_hufflepuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love if chuck Palahniuk covered a john irving book. Any of them. Cider house rules, until i find you, widow for a year, the world according to garp. That would be an excellent match up!
MooseMalloy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Little House on the Prairie.
lecigar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Clock Work Orange by Brett Easton Ellis.
glenngut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering Dune.
fuckyoumurray ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:48:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thrawn trilogy by George R R Martin.
Would be perfect for his perspective based writing and showing good and evil on both sides.
GeebusNZ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchet - Catching the Twenty-two.
TheyCallMeSwiss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goodnight Moon, by Stephen King
annabelledroid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaimans' "it"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:49:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut's take on The Phantom Tollbooth
markknows ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Best of Edgar Allan Poe" by Dr. Seuss
Master_Xeno ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covering Iain M. Banks' Culture series would be incredible.
ahands ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:50:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering Goodnight Moon
the_lowcast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Thus spoke Zarathustra by J. R. R. Tolkien
meatb4ll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's Jim and the Flims
gruetzhaxe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses by Paulo Coelho [edit: clarificationโ'excitement' as in the fact would be funny, not the read]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:51:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cat in the Hat by William Faulkner
shapu ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While I recognize that it's not purely fictional, Stephen King would crank out a gloriously fucked-up Follow the River.
CataclysmZA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace, as covered by J.K. Rowling focusing on the Wizarding Wars during Voldemort's reign across Europe.
TomTheJester ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:52:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might be pushing it, but Quentin Tarantino with any of Elmore Leonard's novels.
Inept_Cynic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The complete works of H.P. Lovecraft.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The Lord of The Rings" by Hunter S Thompson
"Lord of the Flies" by Kurt Vonnegut
Sialala ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
P. K. Dick's 2001: Space Odyssey
578_Sex_Machine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:53:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K Dick on Foundation
In the lines of the Second Foundation is a hallucination of the main character who can't support that the First Foundation is just decyaing and an empty shell of its glorious past.
thedizisawesome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire as written by Terry Pratchett
NightArchitect ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Moby Dick
targayenprincess ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Book "covers" is literally fan fiction mate.
Darthbearclaw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:54:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's Lord of the Rings (subtitle: the fellowship of the dead)
woodyknobbit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen kings cover of the hungry caterpillar
CubeFarmDweller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard Adams Watership Down by either Neil Gaiman or George RR Martin.
slocke200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I am Legend by Andy Weir
spitfire690 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Dr Seuss
SPQRSKA ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:55:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
James Joyce covering almost anything. Especially things written by Englishmen.
grahamtt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Le Carre on any of Fleming's Bond novels.
breakone9r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's "The Hunt For Red October"
JoeyJoJoShabadoo-jr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:56:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire, the Dr. Seuss edition.
lukesnofluke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the flies by Lemony Snicket
Jubbernaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick Rufus covering Harry potter by JK Rowling
coddammitcody ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A series of unfortunate events, George R. R. Martin
TheLadySif_1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter with a team up of Neil Gaiman and the late Terry Pratchett. Would have been one hell of a read.
Kabamadmin ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:57:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Christopher Moore did a great cover of King Lear called "Fool"
squishmaster ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think F. Scott Fitzgerald's take on Goethe's The Sorrows of Young Werther would be interesting.
Edgar Allen Poe's cover of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein would obviously be pretty awesome.
If Ernest Hemingway covered David Copperfield, by Dickens, the book would be about 30 pages long.
I_Seem_To_Be_Lost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman covering anything Stephen King!
syd_oc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:58:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarty's The Lord of the Rings would be fantastic. The Road to Mordor.
3thanguy7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:59:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
House of Leaves by Dr. Seuss - totally incoherent, now with poetry
silent_ovation ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goodnight Moon by Stephen King
heyarkay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this thread
ShavaK ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This was done, and it was better than I could ever hope for! Not Quite the Classics by Colin Mochrie
CaptainReginaldLong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covers: 50 Shades of Grey
SirDrexl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:00:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Christmas Carol, by Bret Easton Ellis.
InMyHandsTheyCrumble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunger Games written by anyone who could fulfil the potential that story had. I loved the idea but the execution was a letdown for me.
storys-in-the-soil ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Gabriel Garcia Marquez would have done an incredible Harry Potter.
SambayonCaruso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hyperion - Lovecraft edition
kinyutaka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's 2001: A Space Odyssey.
kris220b ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Warhammer 40.000 in general, covered by Douglas Adams.
Pazuzujoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:02:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Philip Roth
Epicdudelol ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and peace?
TheLostPariah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:03:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's The Berenstain Bears
3fox3 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Enders'a Game by Stephen King
NickDaGamer1998 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:05:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'War Of The Worlds' by Darren Shan.
Tokestra420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:06:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings written by R.A. Salvatore
EhAhKen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hungry Hungry Catapillar by Irvine Welsh
cslish ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Short read, he'd probably end up over dosing and dead.
EhAhKen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"You got any spare leafs, pal?"
JoeyJoJoShabba ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:08:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ian McEwan covering The Bell Jar
NZ_Ghoul ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:09:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett covering Game Of Thrones
MobiWanKenobi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Quentin Tarantino: Harry Potter.
zappy487 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:10:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Who is ready for graphic description of Orc penises!?!
Lord of the Rings by George RR Martin
Crushgaunt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:11:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher covering Sanderson's Cosmere or at least most of it. I need Butcher's characterization.
Periclydes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:12:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gerorge RR Martin's cover of Harry Potter.
WildLines ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War by Donald Trump
damnilovelesclaypool ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone HAS TO get authors to do the top voted covers. I've never been so excited about something.
Mine is dostoevsky covers white oleander.
Or Palahniuk covers a coming of age novel
dadclasher ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:13:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shogun - Cormac McCarthy
T-E-N-G-E-N ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Rainbow Six" by William S. Burroughs
Redforeman1017 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice in wonderland, written by Stephen King
Dr_Nik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Star Wars by Machivelli
americangame ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
Reid0072 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:14:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: Everyone gets a gold!
UtterlyDisposable ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covers The Bible.
Captain_Chaos_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Giving Tree by Edgar Allan Poe
reus-in-aeternum ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:15:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George martin or andrzej sapkowski rewriting Lord of the rings, would both be pretty interesting.
Royalbroke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:16:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
LOTR by George R.R. Martin
monkeybawz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Harry Potter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king taking on Margaret Atwood....maddaddam is halfway there already
Kimik0123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:17:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The old kingdom series (Garth Nix) written by Stephen King
beargreen46 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:18:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by Timothy Zahn
beargreen46 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
JD Salinger's READY PLAYER ONE
preo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
1984
YYCDavid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Great Expectations, set in modern times, by Douglas Adams
smlybright ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:20:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Laura Hillenbrand covering Hidden Figures
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien le morte darthur
Spaztastcjak ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:21:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Rick Riordan cover the rangers appreciate series, and the author of the rangers apprentice series to cover the percy Jackson books.
Kaneshadow ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Phantom Tollbooth covered by Cormack McCarthy
TheKingElessar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe writes To Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street.
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:23:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Authors already do "cover' other books. I mean think about how many books out there have used the plot of The Odyssey, MacBeth, Romeo and Juliet, or various Bible stories?
Quizzika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Excuse me, what?
INSERT_LATVIAN_JOKE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid auto-correct.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jaws by Stephen King
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:24:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lots of people have covered the Bible, but I'd like to see the Neil Strauss version
PastorPuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Steven King
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:25:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covering The Hobbit.
ltbadpuppy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:26:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible written by Christopher Moore. He just needs to add more material like lamb in between and he's golden.
idiocralypse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
IT by Hunter Thompson. "You may float down there, but with enough Ether and Mescaline, we all float up here too"
boscobilly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Count of Monte Cristo - Kurt Vonnegut
fn_esc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace's Tale of Two Cities
SweatpantsDV ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to see (author) cover (book of an extremely contrasting genre). WOULDN'T THAT BE HILARIOUS?
Rokathon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do Androids dream of Electric Sheep" by "Terry pratchett"
D170 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:27:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Alchemist
Fracter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would anyone be interested in this being a subreddit? I mean if there is one link that shit
Koras ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones by Brandon Sanderson - not only would it be more exciting, but he'd write the other books and still finish winds of winter first
sonicmasonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:28:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace. By Philip K Dick
DexiMachina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton basically did this to Beowulf in the novel Eaters of the Dead (aka The 13th Warrior). I was actually kind of pissed I got tricked into reading Beowulf a second time, but to be fair I liked Crichton's book a lot more than the poem.
SaintOfPirates ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gunslinger saga by Terry Pratchet.
Juggale ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:29:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
While its odd.
Lemony Snicket writing Harry Potter and Goosebumps.
R.L Stine writing Series of Unfortunate Events and Harry Potter.
J.K Rowling writing Goosebumps and Series of Unfortunate Events.
I think this whole thing would be interesting, see how the tones change from what were used to in each of the books.
BobMacActual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There was a noise made a few years ago about Anne of Green Gables being very similar to Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
metatron207 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:30:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Othello by George RR Martin, really any Shakespearean tragedy as written by GRRM would be fantastic.
peach-ring ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Call of Cthulhu by Douglas Adams. Or anything Lovecraft covered by Douglas Adams. Or vice versa.
Give me a Lovecraftian-Adamsian crossover is what I'm saying
Flutterwander ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Z. Danielewski covers The House of Usher?
Wakalulu578 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit. 2nd top post
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:31:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RL Stine doing Stephen King novels
TheMildlyDarkKnight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin does Lord of the Rings
Matiabcx ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 13:33:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Frodo dies in a first encounter. The rest is just neverending political struggle between gondor and mordor
Quizzika ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's cover of Coraline.
BloodThirstyChimera ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Would read the fuck out of that.
QAlphaNiner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace by Tom Clancy
PotassiumAlum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:41:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This would be so corny lmao I can already imagine it
Ripper1337 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson writes The Dark Tower
noobita99 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mahabharata
Umikaloo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:33:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas adams does Warhammer 40K lore.
zombiereign ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:34:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker covers Dr. Seuss
examinedliving ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovely Bones reimagined by Joe Hill Heart of Darkness by Chuck Palahniuk Siddhartha by Milan Kundera
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ernest Hemingway covering A Tale of Two Cities, just to make it shorter
TheRealHooks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Halo: the Fall of Reach
by C.S. Lewis
He writes Messiah characters better than most, and Master Chief fits the mold wonderfully.
flattop100 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:35:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Doesn't John Scalzi sort of do this already?
theSchmoozer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everything Stephen king imagined, rewritten by GRRM
HoboBobo28 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Giving Tree - by H.P Lovecraft
Cpt_Trilby ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this just fanfiction? People taking the idea of a book and putting their own spin on it?
Grubbernaut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:36:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower Series by Cormac McCarthy
ntgcleaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see George R. R. Martin re-write Ender's Game.
horsenbuggy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:37:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kinda in this vein, there are companion novels that retell the original story from an alternate characters POV.
The Wind Done Gone. Different author. Tells the story from a completely different socio-political-economic position. Washes away the white washing of the plantation south.
Ender's Shadow. Same author. Completely retells the story. The main character in the first novel felt so isolated during the story. But in this version, we see that he wasn't. He had people supporting him that he never really noticed. It adds so much to the story. There are more sequels for this character than for the original character.
DollarAkshay ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:39:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Dan Brown
modeless0 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Heart of Darkness by Chuck Palahniuk.
peoplerproblems ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:40:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like RR Martin's take on LOTR.
TakeOnMe-TakeOnMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss cover of The Shining
CptSweetCheeksjr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All the banks I've worked at don't give a shit about fraudulent charges, unless we suspected you're lying to us. We don't charge the vender, we have insurance for that.
You're not really saving small indie devs as much as your spreading the word on how to money launder.
lotsofdicks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Didn't James Joyce do this with Ulysses vs The Odyssey already?
xtrememudder89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:41:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers Harry Potter
Left4DayZ1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Metro 2033 by Stephen King.
overcomebyfumes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dungeons and Dragons: Players Handbook by China Mieville.
disILiked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by George R Martin
bonster85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Helen Fielding (Bridget Jones) rewrote the girl on the train...
Zestymonserellastick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter series...by George RR Martin
Let the bodies hit the floor.
We may only get 1 or 2 books. So maybe only the deathly Hallows and watch the story get real.
ANormalSpudBoy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brave New World by Dr. Seuss
jmerridew124 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice's Twilight.
Unsurepooper ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Martin's version of Harry Potter
Arkadii ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As much as I like Tolkien's prose, I'd be down for some darker fantasy tones with Cormac McCarthy's "The Lord of the Rings"
DankeyKong ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:43:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of the Warcraft novels written by Richard A. Knack. I would love to have them written by Christie Golden so that she won't force her self insert OC that doesn't even belong in the franchise down my throat.
paradox037 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's Song of Ice and Fire.
videogameboy76 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson or Steven Erikson's Lord of the Rings.
That shit would be so cash. Brandon would give it M. Night Shamalamadingdong twists and action for that ultimate entertainment factor, but Steven Erikson would make it truly mind-bogglingly epic and engrossing, so either would be awesome in their own way.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Finnegans Wake by H.P. Lovecraft
hiddNIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:44:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Way too late here, but Rolling Stones' Sympathy for the Devil summed up the history books pretty good.
pootoomuch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready player one by George R.R Martin
greaverfox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King Proudly presents: Night of the Living Dummy III
TisteSimeon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:45:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven Erikson covering A Song of Ice and Fire.
And then finishing it, and making it much much better.
Roarlord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's The Road in the style of Shel Silverstein.
helloleah96 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:46:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Green Eggs and Ham: Stephen King
Booman_aus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:47:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stranger in a strange land by Stephen King
Manojative ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:48:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covers Atlas Shrugged
youngicebox ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Kurt Vonnegut
pwstoryteller ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:49:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holes by Neil Gaiman, IT by Salman Rushdie, and Fahrenheit 451 by Claudia Gray.
yetitoes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King writing some H. P. Lovecraft
NebulaoftheGod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Brett Easton Ellis
WintersonThrowaway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:51:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeanette Winterson recently wrote a book The Gap of Time, which is meant to be a cover version of Shakespeareโs, A Winter's Tale.
I'm not terribly familiar with Shakespeareโs version but I can tell you that Jeanette Winterson's version was amazingly entertaining, worth checking out.
movierevision ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:53:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King would be the shit....
toxicrystal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellis writes Cat in the Hat.
hanzoonly420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hulk hogan wrote his autobiography once which is good enough, so "of mice and men" written by hogan seems pretty good.
hanzoonly420 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lenny would chokeslam things to death
chrissyD_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:54:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin - The Lord of the Rings.
megaghost ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:56:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Saunders' "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"
Ginger11702 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:57:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The bible by doctor seuss
Hecking_Walnut ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:58:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ITT: People making me feel uncultured because I know maybe 2% of these authors.
aaronchakra ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
RL Stein's Animal Farm
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:00:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by Stephen King and George R R Martin
gameboy17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:01:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchett's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
JZA1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering the 4 Gospels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fan fiction. You're looking for fan fiction.
crybannanna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But by actual authors... not like that 50 shades of grey bullshit.
mateenmanek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:04:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paulo Coelho's 1984. I just want to see how it would look.
AndNowIKnowWhy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuks "The Bible"
K00sh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Animal Farm
ebradlee10 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
ihadurca ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:09:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit, by Douglas Adams
kira-l- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:10:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rothfuss' Harry Potter
Nicholas__Urfe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:12:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Chuck Palahniuk
destythebesty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:13:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Henry Lawson - any Aussie bites book, I think he would be able to write for kids really well.
correctisaperception ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:14:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by J.K. Rowling No sparkling vampires and actual character development
T4KUR1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:16:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by George R R martin
MistahFrontMan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:17:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible By Stephen King.
mt5o ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:18:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catalyst (The Rogue One prequel) by Kurt Vonnegut.
Mister_Squishy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace's The Old Man and the Sea
matroid21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:19:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Harry Potter
TheOtherOtherScott ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:21:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Chronicles of Narnia.
valwow187 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey - steven king
Flyin_at_tree_level ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:24:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Scott Pilgrim sort of did this with some illustrations at the end of a volume or two.
skobbokels ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:25:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss on Fifty Shades of Grey.
DrShrimpyMcKoi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Brett Easton Ellis
cuca78 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:26:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Anthony Burgess
AbsolXGuardian ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:27:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket- any book
Or Les Miserables Lemony Snicket
Twoisnoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:28:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'Pride and Prejudice' - William Gibson.
clutchheimer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animal Farm by Stephen King. Imagine the dark shit the pig is up to.
proggybreaks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:30:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I really really want to see someone photoshop these book covers.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:31:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ralph Ellison rewrites Tristram Shandy
turkotheturko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:34:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hobbit by neil gaiman
TiFaeri ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's cover of The Gunslinger series.
formercookie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:35:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Catcher in the Rye by Albert Camus
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Charles Bukowski
yankeefan8189 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:40:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein kamph by Dylan klebold
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alan Moore covering Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange would be interesting.
Showdeh ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:44:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3 Little Pigs by George R.R Martin
OniAkechi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Comic books kind of do this.
Sampson509 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:45:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Butter Battle Book by George R. R. Martin
nebuchadrezzar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:47:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bi-Curious Case of Benjamin's Butthole
By Chuck Tingle
Scheenhnzscah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How about "The Cat in the Hat" by Dante?
kylede87 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, covered by Kurt Vonnegut
luda0984 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:48:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bleacher Report's "Game of Zones" is such an amazing parody of Game of Thrones.
I'd totally read a novel based on this.
laeiryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:50:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Naked Lunch by... anyone.
Yoursistersrosebud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:53:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jorge Luis Borges covering Lovecraft's 'At the Mountains of Madness'
moseybjones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn, I wish Kerouac was still alive. I'd love to see his take on Moby Dick.
eclipse1498 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dante's Inferno
therealJayT ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Probably already said here, but I'd kill to see Stephen King cover the Harry Potter series.
Red_J2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:56:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
White Fang by Neil Gaiman.
kaozennrk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Without asking directly it's interesting to see what "authors in my lifetime" are mentioned and join the commonly accepted "greats" I learned of that died before I was born.
SchemaB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm reminded of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pride_and_Prejudice_and_Zombies
laeiryn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Is it weird that I want to see Anne Rice's post-Christian "rebirth" version of one of her own earlier works?
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's version of the Wheel of Time Series.
Neil Gaiman's version of Harry Potter.
Leviellazarev ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:57:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Haruki Murakami does 'Harry Potter'
the1795 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:58:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Emily Bronte, 50 Shades of Grey
Maestro_Monty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:00:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see J.K. Rowling to cover the fault in our stars
julbull73 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
For reference Authors do this alot. Typically with a twist or minor change or ode to them.
Example: Michael Crichton Beowulf---->Eaters of the Dead (13th Warrior)
thewulcanChef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitch hicker's guide
Namagem ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:01:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Carl Sagan - Ender's Game
moswald ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see "Old" Stephen King cover "New" Stephen King's latest works.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:02:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings edition of the bible
relish-tranya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:05:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a novel, but Bible by Sir Terry Pratchett.
Apophis90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The King Killer Chronicle
facepoppies ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:06:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love to read Harry Potter written by Neil Gaiman. Or a Neil Gaiman book written by Steven Erickson.
PhantomHunter01 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:07:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
dude you're headed for the top of askreddit keep it up
spiralingtides ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower, by Neil Gaiman
Lurkily ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:11:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to read a Patrick Rothfuss cover of the Lord of the Rings.
LotR was great, but it was more of a chronicle of mythology than a story. Rothfuss has the natural poetic style to set it on fire. It would just be sixty years before it was finished.
reddit_l8r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
But first, I'll like to read Book Three, please.
Lurkily ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:58:45 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Yeah. He's an amazing author, but not terribly prolific. I come away from a chapter feeling like I've read an entire book, full and satisfied, and I'm not half done. He just hardly ever publishes. It's just been these damn side-story teasers.
reddit_l8r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:58:02 on May 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I hope he doesn't get bored with Kvothe's story and just moves on to another one. I need closure.
Lurkily ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 00:18:59 on May 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I KNOW! God, please someone make him finish.
SirNate2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:13:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Come to this thread then realize I know NO authors.
reddit_l8r ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Know thyself."
the_dude_imbibes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:14:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Fight Club
saaz98 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:15:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The novelization of "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" by George R.R. Martin, oh the romance! ๐
BaronRedPanda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:18:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would love "Goodnight Moon" by Harlan Ellison.
F4n4tic0fh0ck3y ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ender's Game by John Steinbeck
Angst2095 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Winnie the Pooh by F Scott Fitzgerald
strokesfan91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:22:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
i haven't seen a post this original in quite a while, well done OP
xubax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas shrugged by John Irving
wearywarrior ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:24:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Sherlock Holmes
S.M. Stirling's Lord of the Rings
Stephen Hunt's Around the World in 80 Days & 80000 Leagues Under the Sea
Stephen King's Dracula ( yeah yeah yeah, but Salem's Lot ISN'T that story exactly so neener)
reallifelucas ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:25:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ian Fleming's THE BIBLE
cerem86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:26:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I wanna see GRRM covering Xanth.
MilleniumForce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is such a cool idea! A bit out there, but I think Patrick Rothfuss could do a cool Harry Potter.
ephemeral-person ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:27:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like I'd have felt better at the end of a Kurt Vonnegut cover of 1984
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:29:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit shy isn't this a thing??
notafunnyguy32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:32:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by HP lovecraft
Jschrade_5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:33:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king covering Harry potter
Jackity_Flackity ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of grey by Roald Dahl
Illustrated by Quentin blake
Democrab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Griffiths does Harry Potter.
"And as Voldemort slowly stood up in a daze, I just laid perfectly still. Dead. I'm dead. I've done this to get out of school before."
metathesis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:35:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket's A Song of Ice and Fire
rottinguy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:43:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Lord of The Rings (Edit: I guess that would be The Dark Tower)
Dean Koontz's Frankenstein....Oh..Wait that's already a thing.
thedog123123 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:45:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trumps bio, A Series of Unfortunate Events
Wowtje ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covering Harry potter would be pretty amazing
PM-YO-STORIES ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:48:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The most dangerous game - Edgar Allen Poe
Swing_Wildly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:49:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dark Tower by Shell Silverstein
skraz1265 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:50:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Inferno
EricT59 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:54:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Leo Tolstoy Covers of EE Cummings poems
SAOkirito1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:56:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The raven, Douglas Adams
Ynnad00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Basically any book in the last 100 years by William Shakespeare
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:59:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
May be a little late but I've seen a lot of requests for Harry Potter, but nothing so far for Rowling covering a book.
So I'd love to read both J.K. Rowling's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Harry Potter by Douglas Adams.
bmcf1lm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Confederacy of Dunces as written by Cormac McCarthy.
passthefancy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marxs Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Oh boy.
Nectomancer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:03:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert E Howard's "The Iliad"
WanderingSwampBeast ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A lovecraft novel covered by someone who is good at writing dialouge
TheShawnHiron ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:04:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal covered by R.L. Stine
alyssas1111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:06:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Stephen King
plokijuhujiko ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:14:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
gogusrl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:15:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Culture by Frank Herbert.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:17:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Edgar Allen Poe's Harry Potter
AnotherStatsGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:21:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covering Harry Potter
Hey_Im_Finn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:22:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I feel like "My Struggle" by Donald Trump would happen if this was a thing.
Comedynerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:23:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Milton's The Book of Genesis
Laisquared ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:24:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.D. Salinger's take on the Harry Potter series
jdaxelrod ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:29:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" by Salman Rushdie
LV426_DISTRESS_CALL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:31:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fall of the House of Usher by Stephen King
LV426_DISTRESS_CALL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Illiad and The Odyssey by GRR Martin
LV426_DISTRESS_CALL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Inferno by Neil Gaiman
ISawSolis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stranger in a Strange Land by Niel Gaiman
KiltedDemon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:33:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess' : 1984
Dresslerj1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:34:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty shades of grey covered by Judy Blume
JBjEnNiNgS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Jane Eyre
HereOuiGoAgain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Horton Hears a Hoo by Stephen King
DrBurn777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:36:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goose bumps by Steven King
alexbaldwinftw ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:38:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I've been thinking about this for years, and have never understood why novel 'covers' aren't a bigger thing. It's fine for a movie to be remade twenty years later but some young upcoming author can't tackle 1984 or Ask the Dust?
I think what needs to happen is some kind of annual event, like NaNoWriMo(?) but for redditors covering public domain stories.
Yoursaname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:40:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Will Self did a modern version of The Picture of Dorian Gray a few years back. It was excellent.
ItBoy_Lord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:41:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goosebumps by Nick Miller
THEBUS1NESS ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:43:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter Series Covered by Stephen King
ST4343 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:44:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The fault in our stars" - George R Martin
lovelessjon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:45:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see a postmodern take on The Canterbury Tales by Thomas Pynchon.
Would perhaps take Vonnegut here, if he were still with us. A Bret Easton Ellis or even a Chuck Palahniuk would be interesting as well.
igottasloaner ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:46:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is just making me realize how man excellent writers are on Reddit haha. It's crazy to see so many people emulating these amazing authors so easily.
AemonThel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murder on the orient express by Stephen King The bible by George Carlin (yeah, I know it is not a novel)
DizzyDjango ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:47:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"On the Road" by Dr. Seuss
MortisSafetyTortoise ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:49:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss does Isaac Asimov The laws are simple only three To make it safe for you and me First rule a robot must obey They cannot hurt human in the night or in the day Or do nothing, that harm arrives To sons and daughters husbands or wives Second rule of course, a Robot must obey An order from a human being speaks from their craw Except when such conflicts with that First law One more law, it's the Third a robot, itself must preserve As long as when it does Those first two laws are held above One more law we forgot to cover It comes before all the others The 0th law, don't you see It's as important as can be No robot can harm humanity Or through inaction allow a calamity
tuphatDimes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings Triology, as told by Patrick Rothfuss.
Prob be dead before all three hit the shelves though.
ripvanap ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Called plagiarism. It's a problem enough already.
Iceykitsune2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:52:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Garth Nix covering Worm
NeverScoop ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:53:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dune, by L Ron Hubbard.
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:56:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's version of Twilight would be a fun, action-packed read, with an actual mystery.
Neil Gaimon's graphic novel edition of the Game of Thrones series.
rick-906 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:58:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's take on The Jungle Book
oh wait.
ThatGingerBeaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P Lovecraft writing Skulduggery Pleasant.
TheCerpent ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:59:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know I'm late to the game, but Lois McMaster Bujold covering A Song of Ice and Fire.
DnDKingMachine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see a cover of 1984 called 2084
mjr511 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:00:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Abnett covering any Star Trek books, particularly around the time of the Dominion War. His fantastic ability of writing about futuristic space combat would be awesome to read.
callumyoung0128 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:02:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings covered by George r r Martin...๐
Kickingandscreaming ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:03:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stand by Max Brooks
lazlounderhill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already do - it's called "post modernism".
lethesbramble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:13:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Twilight Series by Anais Nin.
rbarton812 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:14:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife is more of a reader than I am; her contribution:
Stephen King's "Psycho".
seiga08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:16:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The New Testament.....by George R. R. Martin.
pavaratta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J. K. Rowling's Mein Kampf
lycanthrope6950 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:19:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering JK Rowling's "Harry Potter" series
keeperofcats ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:20:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Agatha Christie's Rebecca
geoffsykes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:21:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Arthur C. Clark - Dune
etherealcaitiff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:22:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.
Needless to say, the old quandary of "Why don't they just shoot each other?" will cease to be.
eshemuta ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:33:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's rewrite of The Stand.
Boonpa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:34:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
R.L Steins remix of Harry Potter.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:36:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's harry potter
Ethanlac ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:37:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, by Ayn Rand.
humannomaly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:41:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Philip K. Dick covering anything by M. Night Shyamalan (okay, not really an author, but wow, what an idea!) Make the creepy even weirder.
gouvah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:42:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Patrick Rothfuss
MayfairLegacy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:44:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice's Odyssey
recordstore00 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bram Stocker's Dracula covered by George RR Martin.
I don't know why, but I love both autors and just figured it would be f*cking cool, if Martin did some genuine romanticistic horror novel.
TwatsThat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:48:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm super late to the party but Ctrl+F found no mention of Frank Herbert or Neal Stephenson so...
My first choice would be to have Frank Herbert cover all the Dune books that Brian Herbert wrote, but since that's probably cheating I'd go for Frank Herbert covering Snow Crash and Diamond Age and Neal Stephenson covering Dune.
killingmehere ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:51:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings by Terry Pratchett
pottybrains ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:53:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The complete Twilight trilogy, by Stephen King
Chingparr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to read The Winds of Winter and A Dream Of Spring.
Obviously GRRM has no intention of ever finishing the book series :(
Makualax ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:54:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know it's a graphic novel, but Watchmen done by Cormac McCarthy would pro ably be more of a masterpiece than the original Watchmen.
lawtalkingguy23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:55:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Treasure Island by John Le Carre
juliothepitbull ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellis would present Are You There God Its Me, Margaret
mikeschmidt1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:57:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A series of unfortunate events by Dostoyevsky
stephnicole32 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:58:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - Goosebumps
TheFatKidOutranMe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:01:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's The Art of War.
GJenkss ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:03:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Kurt Vonnegut
SovietRusalka ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eminems Jurassic Park
warrior181 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:04:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Animorphs by Eric Nyland
Nate1437 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:08:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
There's a wocket in my pocket by E.L James (author of 50 shades)
poto-cabengo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:11:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stranger covered by Paul Auster
JamesEarlDavyJones ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Dresden Files, as done by Neil Gaiman
Harry Potter, as done by Jim Butcher
The Percy Jackson and the Olympians, as done by Albert Camus
His Dark Materials series, as done by C.S Lewis or Tolkien
Lev Grossman's The Magicians, as done by Terry Pratchett
At Home in Mitford, as done by Douglas Adams.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone might have said this already but "The Outsiders"
F3NlX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The five year old masterpiece โWhat secret could ruin your lifeโ from r/askreddit covered by George R.R. Martin (first one to jump to my mind) or really anyone that can write dark stories.
savngtheworld ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter and Shaded Chambers by E. L. James
sweetlife22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:14:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
steven kings harry potter.
or jk rowlings IT.
khalfrodo34 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Leo Tolstoy
jefferlewpew ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The famous five books by Bret Easton Ellis
__________muni ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:17:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do people still say "nerdgasm?" This is me excitedly typing in my response on my phone, as I've been playing with these "cover" ideas for some years now. Oh man :) My friends and I have thrown a similar question around during drinking sessions. Good times. Our most hysterical suggestions involve local authors (Filipino!), but lemme put some of my favorite authors here, off the top of my head:
๐๐๐๐
themerinator12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:19:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Truman Capote writes Don Quixote
dinopraso ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:22:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by Dostoyevsky
spaghatta111 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:23:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eat, Pray, Love by Chuck Palahniuk
Theguygotgame777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Divine Comedy, by Rick Riordan.
I'm pretty sure it would actually be a comedy.
Elite_AI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:26:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pierre Menard REALLY needs to do Don Quixote.
Failing that, Joyce + Homer = (็ฌโฅฯโฅ็ฌ)
blondeblackbeard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:28:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by edgar allen poe
BtDB ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:29:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd read the shit out of Neil Gaiman's take on Harry Potter.
Cussmouth ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:30:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin Harry Potter
JonathanCastellino ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:36:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Marilynne Robinson covering W.G. Sebald ('Austerlitz')
Succmymagicstaff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dean Koontz covering The Hobbit. Both the author and the book are very dear to my heart. I think it would be cool to read a mash up.
Doula_Bear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:42:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. John Scalzi's Fuzzy Nation is a cover of H. Beam Piper's Little Fuzzy.
merten5 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:44:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jk Rowling game of thrones.
chimparzan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:45:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades of Grey, covered by Bret Easton Ellis
D_Purpurosea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:46:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's "The Hunger Games"
SonsofAnarchy113 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Rand's communist manifesto autistic screeching about autistic screeching, it would be glorious
Edymnion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:47:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings.
Tolkien wrote a great story, with a rich world, and enough history to fill a text book.
Thing is, as was the writing style at the time, it is DRY AS HELL! I'd love to see someone rewrite it on a more modern style.
Thirtypackobud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:50:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One of the best Questions ever
I'm going to steal the premise and do my own ask reddit.
AMAROKwlf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Shakespeares starwars It's a thing. Go get it
d77king ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
John Scalzi kind of did this... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuzzy_Nation
swallsee ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:53:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly I would love to see Twilight done with a good author. The premise is super interesting and has a lot of potential but the execution... Well we all know
PlumbumGus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:57:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings, covered by Terry Pratchett.
DDT126 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I almost killed myself every night for the past month. No need to refer me to r/suicidewatch though. I know I'm never going to do it. I love my parents way to much to do this to them. I live a luxurious lifestyle compared to most people where I live. That's not the problem in any way. I've been depressed for most of my life now. Nobody knows and I plan to keep it that way. I deal with it on my own due to extreme anxiety issues. Lately though my exam results coming out in the next two weeks have me on edge. I know I've screwed up at least two of them and I need to not screw up in them. Also typical teenage love issues are rampant. I don't know why I'm even saying this here. Sorry I wasted your time.
donaldtroll ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:59:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gene Wolfe's cover of "The Dream-Quest for Unknown Kadath"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeff Kinney's Ender's Game
The_DOLL_queen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:00:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Hunter S Thompson.
rashandal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:03:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's version of A Song of ice and fire
Why? because King actually gets shit done, unlike GRRM nowadays. And while he's at it, he could finish the third book of Name of the Wind/Wise man's fear.
Jonsonshine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Irvine Welsh's 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?'
OwOwutdis ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:04:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen
I_am_a_nerd999 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:05:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How the hell did this become the second highest post on here?
Cheap_Cheap77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Around the world in 80 days by Dr. Seuss
randy_in_accounting ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:06:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nabokov - Charlene and the chocolate factory.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Angels And Demons by Stephen King
whiteshadow88 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:07:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Barthelme's The Dead Father covered by Patrick DeWitt. DeWitt's so good at playing with genre and style it would be fun to see how he tackles Barthelme's wonderful absurdity.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Sedaris - A clockwork orange
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:08:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
UNBAN ME FROM /r/Trashy
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering Harry Potter. My favorite boom of his is The eyes of the Dragon and I would love to read Harry Potter like that.
Whiskey-Leg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:12:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Shakespeare do the Lion King. Too bad that'll never happen.
gnbman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:17:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain's "You Might be a Redneck."
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Raymond Chandler's Call of Cthulhu or Robert E. Howard's Macbeth.
WannaFuckTigger ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:18:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Hamlet," by Chuck Palahniuk
Renmauzuo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Terry Pratchett.
awesomeac89 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:21:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering the Harry Potter series, with a surprise new ending
TimmyTheHellraiser ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:23:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson's "The Great Gatsby"
MonkeyPunch ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:26:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Chuck Palahniuk
uberperk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:27:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin does Redwall.
skaterfromtheville ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" covered by Cormac McCarthy
danhakimi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:33:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Albert Camus' Harry Potter.
Harry would totally have died.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Michael Crichton presents: Beowulf.
Brescious ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
U/tubularaesthetic
FlipperZauberer26 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss 'IT'. I feel like he add a little humor in there.
Milligan1888 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:36:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Where the red fern grows" by George R.R. Martin. It'll be fucking carnage. Not even the tree will survive.
Mergan1989 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:46:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Song of Ice and Fire by Terry Pratchett
The Discworld novels by GRRM
Imadoc91 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King with a full on novelization of dream quest of unknown Kadath.
Krad23 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Starship Troopers by Andy Weir... Damn how i wish this was a thing :'(
Stossify ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:47:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If Douglas Adams were still alive I would pay good money to read his take on 50 Shades of Grey.
gres06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:50:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Diary of Anne Frank by Adolf Hitler
JuiceCabooseIsLoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:51:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM's cover of Goodnight Moon. Bedtime would last until the early morning.
Constable_Crumbles ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:53:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd really like the Expanse series covered by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. I want to see his voice applied to a space opera, such as the Expanse or Firefly. The Sirens of Titan is a really good indicator for how I'd like to see that happen.
differt ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven king covers j.k. Rowlings Harry Potter
Kugelblitz60 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wind in the Willows by Ann Rand.
levenbreechvor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Asimov covering The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. Wait a sec...
Kaladechi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:55:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of war - Genghis Khan
Redshado ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:01:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Infinite Jest by Stephanie Meyer
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ted Dekker's cover of Atlas Shrugged
MrBoonio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:04:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Dennis Potter.
SituationCornflakes ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul- Stephen King
Hetromexual ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:09:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Predator cities by George RR Martin.
prjindigo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:13:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Harry Potter series.
UnicornBestFriend ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bret Easton Ellis covering Proust's In Search of Lost Time.
FogSeeFrank ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paulo Coelho writes The Boxcar Children
Katzandratz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:14:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut's Pride and Prejudice - It would be weird and romantic. I want it.
fuckingghosts ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:17:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by Alan Moore
greenSixx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lol, Authors cover novels all the time.
There are only like 6 unique story lines in existence.
Rbrehm394 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joseph Heller's "The Alchemist"
unspoken_paradox101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:23:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Of Mice and Men by John Steinback..
A3eus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:25:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lord of The Rings by H.P. Lovecraft
A3eus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:26:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any Goosebumps book by Stephen King
Caleb-Rentpayer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:32:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Kingkiller Chronicle by Brandon Sanderson. No reason, except he'd be able to write all three books before Rothfuss got to the third.
nhnolan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:33:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy's Little House on the Prarie
kgxv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:34:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Joe Hill needs to rewrite his father (Stephen King)'s works
kimburlesque__ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
flippypineapples ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:35:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitler wrote Mein Kampf right? He needs to cover The Diary of Anne Frank.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:36:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Such a cool idea.
ThrownanStronghammer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:39:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering any book.
meanie_ants ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:40:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Erikson covering all of LOTR.
Not that Tolkien didn't have some grimness going on, possibly from his WW1 experience, but LOTR as written is high fantasy which typically doesn't have all that much grit to it.
gusjaiwhkqwg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:41:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams to do the SOIAF series I'm just thinking Tyrion and the levels of sardonic that he would be
FAH-CUE ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:43:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' A Song of Fire and Ice. "And Sansa said that the Hound's tiny heart grew 3 sizes that day"
Eric601 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:52:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's version of "1984", "Brave New World", or "Fahrenheit 451."
swanqueennnn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:55:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wow, I need to read more.
winterfair ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I believe Ian McEwan recently covered Hamlet.
SuperLuigi9624 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:57:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's own "Diary of a Wimpy Kid".
diyelsy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:58:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Neil Gaiman
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Watership Down by Poppy Z Bright
MurderDice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:59:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Cormac McCarthy
"Call of Cthulhu" by Stephen King
"Dragonlance Chronicles" by Clive Barker
I'd find any of those intriguing at the very least...
vanin306 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:04:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I like the idea of Stephen King putting his own twist on the Goosebumps books
CoinCoinDragon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:11:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter redone by Stephen King
mashington14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:12:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see John Green's cover of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn. Just age them up a couple years and it'd be perfect.
MRDIII ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:15:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Shakespeare's Grapes of Wrath
S2PIDme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson by Neil Gaiman would be just a little darker, I'm guessing.
Ampersandi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:20:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think this post seriously highlights the severe restriction copyright places on creativity in the public commons. I would read most of these books. Love em or hate em, their existence should qualify their worth. I hate that we allow this kind of regulation on the creative commons but don't regulate how much money you can earn.. awesome thread tho.
AskMeNoQuestion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:22:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S Thompson's Beauty and the Beast with art from Steadman. Oh the darkness.
DeejayReemix ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:23:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Adolf Hitlers protocols of the elders of Zion would be interesting although probably not much different Or animal farm by hp lovecraft in which it turns out the pigs are sacrificing the animals to bring back old major
I dunno probably stupid ideas
Peelboy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:25:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don quixote
DacreWat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:33:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iain M Banks covering Foundation
suitedjustice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If we could do authors covering plays, then David Foster Wallace covering Hamlet. I feel like he's one of the few who would really understand on an instinctive level just how counterproductive Hamlet's intelligence was to his situation.
japad12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War of the worlds by irvine wesh
Verryfastdoggo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:39:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible by L Ron Hubbard
NicholasNitro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:40:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This might seem a bit strange, but I'd love to see S.E Hinton cover either the 'Harry Potter' series or 'Chronicles of Chrestomanci.' I love fantasy novels but I find that the authors tend to spend more energy on the world and the magic system than they do on making the characters relatable. I already love both of the series mentioned above and I can only imagine how much better they'd be if they had the emotional depth and empathetic writing style of 'The Outsiders.'
Rossum81 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let me go for the hatred: Larry Corriea's 'Handmaid's Tale.'
Starmaaan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:44:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Any of Nicholas Sparks's books by Dan Brown.
mangamike ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:46:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne Rice's Sookie Stackhouse Novels (true blood series)
Twoixm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:17 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Illiad and Odyssey by Susanna Clarke.
I've always been interested in reading the full stories of these, but don't really enjoy reading prose. Clarke's Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrel is one of the darkest and most immersive stories I've read, and I feel like she would do the proper research to get the details right.
funnyAlcoholic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:50:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George r r Martin writing Harry Potter.
Much less use of magic but it feels more realistic. Way more deaths and nudity. The Belitrix you know seems sweet and innocent to this new version.
Oh and he's only written up to the order of the Phoenix
Liitlelyon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:07:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin does: All of the Lovecraftian books.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:08:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bernard Cornwell: A Song of Ice and Fire
As much as I wanted to enjoy it, GoT just didn't really draw me in. I found Martin's writing to be fairly bland in all honesty. The Last Kingdom, on the other hand, was excellent.
smoll_boi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:14:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin with the Percy Jackson series. I used to be really into it and I'd like to see grrm's take on rick riordan's good but repetitive style.
BatmanofSteeI ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:17:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not a novel necessarily but I would love this
Star Wars by George RR Martin
nystro ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:21:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snickets A Song of Fire and Ice
stealthynotion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:22:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining by Dr. Seuss.
poutyfawn ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:23:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
DaVinci Code by Stephen King.
Connormac246 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:26:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I know it'd probably be pretty samey, but I'd like to see Stephen king and George r r Martin to a "cover" of each other. I think "a song of ice and fire" and "it" would be specific examples of each other's specific writing style.
I know asoif isn't GRRM's only work, but it's what he's best known for and what isn't completely dissimilar to kings.
fistmyberrybummle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:27:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
GRRM doing harry potter
Haardrada ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:30:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Godel, Escher, Bach, covered by Egbert B. Gebstadter.
GaiSempGracchus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:33:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually how storytellers used to do: Homer wasn't the original teller of the epic cycle; Shakespeare never wrote an original story that wasn't an historical fiction, and the brothers Grimm simply wrote down the most common folk tales of their time and place...
sportsnews039 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
You need to get some of these big name authors on board to do these for charity Adams covering Foundation would be true magic.
izakwiho ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:40:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gabrial Garcia Marquez covered the James Bond series.
PleasureToBurn06 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:52:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy does Where The Wild Things Are.
SantaWang ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:57:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss covered by time burton
darknessvisible ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:00:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Strangers on a Train by Agatha Christie. Patricia Highsmith is one of my favourite writers, but Hitchcock's film version was better than the book.
Entrospection ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Redwall universe cover of George R R Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire by Brian Jacques
Fraerie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:20:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to retrospectively suggest one that shouldn't have happened - Eoin Colfer's "And another thing" - the sixth Hitchhikers Guide book. It really shouldn't have been written.
Pardoxia ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:21:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Honestly, I'd be interested in any author 'covering' Hunger Games.
BrigandsYouCanHandle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:22:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'm not smart enough for this thread...
Sasktachi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:23:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mistborn, by Patrick Rothfuss.
chadwr85 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings a Game of Thrones
tenthinsight ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:27:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain or Kurt Vonnegut Jr. covering the Bible.
sqlfoxhound ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:31:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Someone, anyone, please cover the LOTR series. I had a lot more dedication to read and thirst for escapism allowed me to chew through those when I was in my teens, but right now... it's difficult to navigate the swamp that is 40 pages of description on how Gandalf is walking from the kitchen table to the god damned door!
Absolutely infuriating.
mikricks ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Hunger Games
bluesteel ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:49:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of the Deal by Hillary Clinton
fallenoffacliff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:50:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Gabriel Garcia Marquez cover Les Miserables
morosophi ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:53:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mary Shelley to write Fight Club
P_D_Hick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:37 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Walden by J. D. Salinger
Awesome_242 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:25:34 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jeff Kinney doing 1984.
murax1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:37:34 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen king covering the hobbit
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin covering Harry Potter.
Well, hopefully make the characters a bit older lol.
TheHandOfGau ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:02 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin covering either Mistborn, Harry Potter, or a Series of Unfortunate Events
Masown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:07:05 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess' "Dictionary"
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:13:38 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by H.P. Lovecraft.
EhhSpoofy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:37:05 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Harry Potter
reeltalkinc_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:39:22 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fahrenheit 451. I'd be interested to see how someone would cover it modern day.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:42:44 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Xeniel6 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:23:35 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings, by Christopher Paolini
PlasmaGruntWill ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:24:47 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket covering the Percy Jackson series
excaliju9403 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:32:43 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick star cover's fifty shades of gray.
FermatTheory ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:59 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Incarnations of Immortality Series (originally by Piers Anthony) covered by Jim Butcher (to clean up the plot) co-writing with Jennifer Estep (to improve the female characters). I love the world, and I love many of the story beats, but the plot has some very rocky road and those female characters are horrendous.
jeefyjeef ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:16:13 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Atlas Shrugged covered by Chuck Palahniuk.
Yeah_Mr_Jesus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:32 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter as covered by Gorge RR Martin
mamasheeb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:20 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Body
Or
Hemingway's Fahrenheit 451
ShamDissemble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:57:31 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Macbeth by William S Burroughs
ShamDissemble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:16:12 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And what if Being John Malkovich was directed by John Ford or David Lean? We need one of these for movies.
mylefteye95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:07:12 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's At the Mountains of Madness
Quotizmo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:26:00 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Milan Kundera's Interview with the Vampire
nananananananananina ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:19:54 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams The Lord of the Rings "A wizard is indeed never late, Frodo. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to, which is approximately sometime between the time he wakes up and the time at which he decides to lay his staff down at the end of the night. Many people have speculated that wizards have been tampering with time for centuries in order to be able to show up whenever they like and not be late. But the truth of it is that wizards have just about as much regard for time and punctuality as Hobbits do for crossing the great oceans or being stood up by said wizards."
tealchameleon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:35:36 on May 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Kurt Vonnegut
wulfsbane21 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:46:47 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A bit depressing, but '13 Reasons Why' by Sylvia Plath.
JFCDoomblade ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:24:10 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy's Gravity's Rainbow
Horton57 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:03:44 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Reply by Philip K. Dick
Do androids dream of electric sheep? by Ken Grimwood
Rahul_161 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:45 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
very impressive discussion about the way musicians cover songs. i get important knwoldge about that.
TaquacoreKaaBa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:36:25 on May 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/EschillionKeynovelbyKB
my original cyberpunk novel, Eschillion Key by KB Updke Jr I would buy covered by William Gibson.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:44:06 on May 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ready Player One by Margaret Atwood
j_peachy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:27:08 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Cormac McCarthy covering Harry Potter
dbwedgie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:48:34 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades by Stephen King. If it needs to exist at all, let that shit be a proper horror story.
dbwedgie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:52:01 on May 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I actually have a serious suggestion... is that allowed here? lol
I'd really like to see Philip Pullman and J. K. Rowling swap universes for one book each, even if they're just short stories: Pullman adding to the Harry Potter universe while Rowling explores His Dark Materials (i.e. Golden Compass).
Which congressman do I need to write to try and make this happen?
nottoeat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:49:27 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This post disappeared for me for just until now. :(
mo1098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:19:24 on May 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Witcher Oh wait..
fireork12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:45:33 on May 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fahrenheit 451 by Tom Clancy.
When you thought he couldn't drag out details enough
PixelatedFractal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:30 on May 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoever wrote "American Gods" writing Orson Wells. Cause he kinda did.
PixelatedFractal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:59:51 on May 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Specifically animal farm.
DOORSARECOOLISTAKEN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:13:34 on May 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Pratchet's anything
thenextO ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:05 on May 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Matthew Reilly covers the hunger games would be an amazing read
Cpont ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:33:24 on May 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't care, as long as it's by Christopher Paolini.
Kyle2_6e ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:55:54 on May 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's The Martian
Silverboy101 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:33:37 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series, covered by Raymond E. Feist. The Inheritance Cycle, covered by Raymon E. Feist.
deadheadwookie27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:03:39 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman, No Country For Old Men
sealthedeal666 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:30:40 on May 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut covering the Harry Potter series. Would be much more hilariously depressing
ZachMatthews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:58:18 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Patrick O'Brien's "The Star Wars".
ZachMatthews ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:59:00 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jon Krakauer's "Robinson Crusoe".
QuesadillasEveryMeal ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:21:42 on May 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lemony Snicket covers Harry Potter.
hidood5th ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:36 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
jimmyb27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:45:31 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sherlock Holmes by Franklin W. Dixon.
itripandstumble ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:23:24 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Little Women by Stephen King.
coryives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:22 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
##NUTBUTT
coryives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:38 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NUTBUTT
coryives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:36:53 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
3NUTBUTT
coryives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:11 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
NUTBUTT
coryives ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:37:25 on May 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
6#NUTBUTT
sp52 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:04:06 on May 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pale Fire. It's such a complex book I wonder if anyone could pull off an acceptable version.
SuperCrusader ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:13:25 on May 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fountainhead by Richard Dawkins
Just for lols
Doc_Dwarf ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:43:34 on June 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering any child's book. The monstrosity that reared its head would definitely be fun to read
donvito39 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:36:36 on June 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard Dawkins' cover of "The Holy Bible"
cwheeler77 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:55:51 on June 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Matthew Reilly covering the bible
GoofballMcGee777 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:10:07 on June 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War by Dr. Seuss
Hanz_nope ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:49 on June 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter Steven King
GoodNotEvil0918 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:52:59 on June 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen Kings Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
GrafikPanik ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:48 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hunter S. Thompson presents: Harry potter and the sorcerer's stone
WeaverofStories ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 14:46:26 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's cover of the Harry Potter series. Truly, it would be epic.
RoybertoRules ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:38:05 on June 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
God Delusion by God
Flyinghippoman ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:20:33 on June 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering Harry Potter
ChocoWafflePie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:31 on June 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hey did you know this is the all time top post
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 21:47:52 on June 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh wow- I thought that post about the Pulse shooting was still #1
Generic_lurker115 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:29:30 on June 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson by H.P Lovecraft
holversome ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:33:53 on June 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Where The Sidewalk Ends by Charles Bukowski
bangaveragejoe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:32:30 on June 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fahrenheit 451 - covered by George Orwell
I'd love an Orwellian simplified look at the world of Fahrenheit 451. Develop the concepts further and explain them to the reader.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:56:05 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would read Animal Farm/1984 by Ray Bradbury. Orwell's stories need a bit more color to them.
Draggo_Nordlicht ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:50:19 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Soooo...is there a sub for this yet?
roadhogmainOW ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:34:56 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry potter by George RR Martin
ScissorsPaperStab ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:37:37 on June 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Do Androids dream of electric Sheep brought into a modern technical setting. P.K Dick did an excellent job of projecting his predictions of tech and AI and its moral conundrums, i think it could get a very interesting modern spin put to it, especially the Mercer religious fanaticism given a cultists spin.
raquille- ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:50:54 on June 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brett Easton Ellis and Catcher in the Rye
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:38:27 on June 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
That's a great combo.
7832507840 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:49:24 on June 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is actually insane. You now have the top post of all time. How do you feel? :)
Also, I'm bland so probably any modern author covering Shakespeare's plays and converting them into modern English.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 01:47:57 on July 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A phrase which here means "Lemony Snicket".
memo9c ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:40:50 on June 29, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dan Simmons covers Lovecraft Or Patrick Rothfuss covers A Song of Ice and Fire
fearthewiener ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:37 on June 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the rings doctor suess
magikjaz ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:35 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk doing American Psycho.
Also
Christopher Moore covering Fight Club.
TheMohawkedNerd ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:22:22 on July 5, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's version of Hansel and Gretel. He wrote his own little version in a pre-story rant about how he had to cut out details in one of his books (can't remember which one).
thestmblr ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:02:01 on July 6, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The picture of Dorian Gray by Brett Easton Ellis
jackdarippah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:14:15 on July 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King covering the Dresden Files. Modern fucking art right there.
Edven702 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:22:59 on July 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"War of the Worlds" by Ernest Hemingway
RektRL ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:13:16 on July 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's A Game of Thrones
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:28 on July 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:07:38 on July 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art of War
by Donald Trump~
Venaticen ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:15:17 on July 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Three men in a boat
FunOBot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:30 on July 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl's Mein Kampf (haha i'm so funny)
Fablemaster44 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:18:28 on July 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne McCaffrey's Eragon...oh wait
nikolarse ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:14:15 on July 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pride and Prejudice by Irvine Welsh
Melody303 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:40:04 on July 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I viewed 7000 or so of the 12207 comments currently in this thread (and enjoyed reading a large bunch of them), and was surprised Alice in Wonderland only appeared twice, and not with the author I had in mind either. I want to read Mark Z Danielewski's cover of Alice in Wonderland.
wutchuRocknbout ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 19:10:55 on July 25, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk - House of Leaves
Edel_lopez15 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:08:07 on July 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Niel degrees Tyson covering "the bible"
rvi857 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:20:26 on July 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's interpretation of LOTR or Eragon
rvi857 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 20:24:41 on July 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bourne Identity by Dan Brown
michaelpemberton ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:52:26 on July 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This side of paradise. Bombs
flxdg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:46:59 on July 28, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Andy Weir rewriting asiimovs books
torrrrlife ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:05:20 on July 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Anne Rice
whoami_1375 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:00:20 on August 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Damn you expect me to have so much knowledge I'm just an un informed internet user fuck you im suing u get tha fak outta eeehhhh.
series1-2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:08:02 on August 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bukowski's 'Steppenwolf'
Matthew_BpBuds ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:39:20 on August 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rick Riordan covering literally anything.
firemeetsgasoline ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:49:58 on August 2, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Virginia Woolf - hunger games
ToxicDragon200 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:04:38 on August 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft on The Order Of T
superhotbacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:04:00 on August 9, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The hobbit
MateusMalice ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:00:20 on August 10, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paulo Coelho's The Lost Symbol Dan Brown's The Alchemist
LOTTE_2 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 08:29:37 on August 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King - The fault in our stars or John Green - Shining
OppressionZilla ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:18:49 on August 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Murder on the orient express by dr suess
BaconBall37 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:06:42 on August 15, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
GGRadio1213 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:50:17 on August 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings by Patrick Rothfuss
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:59:21 on August 19, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
In His Own Write By Mark David Chapman
tarrid ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:08:26 on August 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
tom clancy's lord of the rings
Alienkermit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:33:20 on August 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
My wife suggest Anne Rice covering Twilight. Sounds awesome.
SuspiciousMrGuy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:26:55 on August 22, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Goosebumps by Lovecraft & Lovecraft's Books by R.L. Stine
Princebeaver ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:16 on August 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I would like to see Tolkien do The Inheritance serirs(Eragon)
Total_bacon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:02:25 on August 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of war, Tom Clancy
TextBasedEnnui ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:58:33 on August 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Works Of H.P. Lovecraft by Neil Gaiman.
SuperRadPizzaParty ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 16:51:14 on August 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Bret Easton Ellis covering Lolita would be interesting.
also
Cormac McCarthy - Where the Red Fern Grows.
Philip K Dick - Kindred
Charles Bukowski - Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
Marquis de Sade - Eat, Pray, Love.
Olynbassy ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:27:50 on September 7, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Peter Behrens's the law of dreams.
JZA1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:38:23 on September 13, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuk covering the 4 Gospels.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:21:12 on September 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
All my schoolbooks being done by Terry Pratchett mayherestinpiece
Gbro08 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:45:34 on September 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Xxddsdxfdfxdxdxddx
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:05:42 on September 18, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Cat in the Hat by Stephen King
Stjernepus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:12:13 on September 20, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The art of war - Ghandi
ATotalNewb ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:57:50 on September 21, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I want to see jim butcher write lord of the rings.
wowzahs098 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:34:13 on September 23, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolita by Dr. Suess
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:39:25 on September 24, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To kill a mockingbird by John Grisham
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:04 on October 3, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
the dictionary
Flyn1der ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:37:04 on October 4, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
H.P. Lovecraft does The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
VEXARN ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:19:18 on October 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Way late but I'd like to see Brent weeks take on lord of the Rings.
Splashforce ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:22:30 on October 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Lorax by George Orwell
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:15:21 on October 8, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covering extremely mild, sweet, good-natured children's books.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 11:52:24 on October 11, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord of the Rings- Douglas Adams. Comedy LotR!
AckwardSonic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 07:48:12 on October 12, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Stand by Doctor Seuss
Joey12725 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 18:15:33 on October 14, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Guetta remixing Shakespeare
sammygeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 17:50:36 on October 16, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R Martin's Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief
Applejack244 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 01:30:00 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austen's "Les Miserables." I'd love to see her take on the star-crossed lovers of Marius and Cossette while just barely glancing over the inequities of post-revolutionary France.
skyller172 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:34 on October 17, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this basically fanfics?
hewhomustnotbename ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 15:20:35 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lord Of The Rings by GRRM That would be interesting
Brutal_Bros ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:51:39 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R Martin covers the Star War OT
Scarletastic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 22:01:48 on October 26, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Poe or lovecraft on the divine comedy!
gourleygirl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
TIL nobody on Reddit understands literature
SprintTheSapphires ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 05:18:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dog, its on page 8 of the reddit manual
SinanSbahi ยท -34 points ยท Posted at 00:54:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Rowling needs to cover LOTR
As much as I appreciate what Tolkien has done for us, I can't stand his writing style.
red-everything ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:35:15 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkien should cover Harry Potter instead.
AcrossTheNight ยท 26 points ยท Posted at 01:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Please, no!
SchuetzeP ยท 45 points ยท Posted at 01:59:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bruh. Burn in hell tho
McNumNums ยท 6 points ยท Posted at 04:29:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This comment was automatically collapsed and i wanted to know why; I understand why it was
Baconbitsthrowaway ยท 22 points ยท Posted at 03:34:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh sure why not. Let's have Stephanie Meyers cover for Tolkien while we are at it!
MetaGazon ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:38:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's not?
F4rewell ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 10:48:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Whoosh
no_money_no_gf ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 08:11:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I can't even express how wrong this would be.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 06:26:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I love Rowling and Tolkien but Rowling's writing style does not match the feel of Middle-earth
Aleitheo ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 16:50:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Like most people I like Harry Potter but to say that the books succeeded because of her writing style?
basin9001 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:56:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Toyota Jones cover of Jet Li: First Strike
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:29:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Paradise Lost done by Lewis Carroll would be very interesting I'm sure. I'd also like to see it be done as a satire by someone like Sinclair Lewis.
MrFluffPants1349 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Terry Goodkind doing a cover of any Terry Pratchett novel. I would love to see how Terry Goodkind would interpret Pratchett's humor.
previouslyonimgur ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I was gonna say Atlas Shrugged by Terry Goodkind.
qazgir ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:36:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Understanding Gush: Strategies and Tactics by Dr. Seuss
gregori128 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
f
Brother_Shme ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:40:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tolkein's rendition of The Last Apprentice. The original book series is wild, but in his hands...I would imagine even more greatness.
The movie sucked ass though and I haven't even watched it.
FireRedJP ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:42:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to see Stephen King's Hitchhiker's Guide. I would buy that Day 1
daydr33mer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Selfish Gene covered by Douglas Adams
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:43:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pynchon covers Harry Potter; each book gains 250 pages and the series takes several years to read.
Derelictwizard ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:44:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut writing Harry Potter. I know it wouldn't be his normal style but I would be interested in how he tackled it.
Or, alternatively, Joseph Conrad writing the illiad and oddessy.
ArosBastion ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:45:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And Then There Were None covered by Stephen King
FuujinSama ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:25 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd just love to see Brandon Sanderson's take on Game of Thrones. Just because he'd finish the whole series before GRRM.
broccoleet ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:46:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Everybody Poops - by God
Tiggarius ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:49:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The complete works of Shakespeare by George R.R. Martin.
Isle_Girl ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 23:24:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The
completeincomplete works of Shakespeare by George R.R. Martin.~~~~ftfy
Bludclot ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:50:16 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Glen Cook's "All Quiet On The Western Front"
jawertown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:52:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Peter Rabbit. You can decide how that one goes.
Rilkespawn ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:41:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Richard Bachman version...
odhgabfeye ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin doing Dark Tower. Also, Steven King doing A Song of Ice and Fire.
whiteknight521 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:53:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of Thrones by Brandon Sanderson. It would have been done 5 years ago...
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:54:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Redshirts by Andy Weir
justanothersith ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steven King's Harry Potter. I didn't read any of the potter books and saw maybe 2 movies but I'd read King's version.
mrenglish22 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King
Derelyk ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:56:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
HP Lovecrafts cover of... (was orginally going to say harry potter, but that's been nominated enough) so: The Dark Tower.
And Neal Stephenson covering The Amber series.
ethanbrecke ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin, Harry Potter series.
Jwkdude ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:57:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's Jurassic Park
worrymon ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's cover of any Stephen King novel.
A Lee Martinez's cover of The Hobbit.
Tom Clancy's covers of the Norse Eddas.
SirCloney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's The Notebook
theDEVIN8310 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:58:59 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'A game of Thrones' by Doctor Seuss.
MrZesty_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 02:59:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Imagine how rad a Lovecraft version of the Bible would be
santas__boobs ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The cat in the hat by charles dickens
DietDoctorGoat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read Catch-22... by Chuck Palahniuk
Frond_Dishlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:00:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lovecraft or Kafka's, Penthouse Reader's Letters Collected Edition.
sfp33 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Richard Scarry's Iliad and Odyssey
rfallx ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson covering Dune.
ds2k7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:01:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's The Da Vinci Code
MrFluffPants1349 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anthony Burgesses Catcher in the Rye
jawertown ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
War and Peace by Steven King
Jemstar ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd probably read a Vonnegut version of "The Scarlet Letter."
SharkZuckerberg ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mark Twain's "The Bible"
Mahimah ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jk Rowling' " twilight"
GlowstickLamp ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Mist by J.R.R Tolkien
Frond_Dishlock ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Hergรฉ version of Game of Thrones.
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:05:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
With lots of background visual gags.
youwontguessthisname ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:02:57 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh, The Places You'll Go! By Edgar Allan Poe.
robotninjaanna ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jim Butcher's Hamlet
Dresden is my favorite series of all time and Hamlet is my favorite play. I think he could really tune in to Hamlet's psyche to really bring a new flare to it.
PhilosopyViking ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Iliad and Odyssey by Tolkien
Animorganimate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:03:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Count of Monte Cristo by Chuck Palahniuk.
Tristan2353 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:04:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams' Inferno
Merculeses ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marx's "Animal Farm"
Coevus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams covers The Hobbit.
NecroKilic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roddy Doyle's redux of Enid Blyton's 'The Famous Five' series.
ElleRisalo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by GRRM
Asoiaf by Stephen King (that way it actually gets finished)
poranges ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:05:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's version of Fifty Shades of Grey. That would be one dark, fucked up novel. (Sorry if it has already been said).
jimbo1374 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Sound and the Fury by Walker Percy
Shirleythepirate ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey by Donald Trump
๐๏ธ gham1 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:06:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
this would be huuuuuuge
DuckDuckBoson ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd be thrilled to read The Dark Tower series by George R. R. Martin. King obviously did an amazing job with it, but if the stories were four times as long and had ten times as many characters... <drooling intensifies>.
poranges ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:08:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
insert joke about how it wouldn't be done for a million years here
kelsokake ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:06:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series but by Stephen King
Goat17038 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss, Mein Kampf.
DrMrProfessor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Karl Marx
riveramalthea ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Douglas Adams does The KingKiller Chronicles.
Xesyliad ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:07:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dean R Koontz's Enders Game.
Introducing a supernatural twist to that one would be interesting to read.
RobertLoblawAttorney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by Sanderson.
Rattler5150 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 11:03:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you do not improve on Tolkien
RobertLoblawAttorney ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:42:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Are all of your favorite cover songs improvements?
sweatymongoose ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:20 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Trump covering Mein Kampf
patents4life ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:08:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Da Vinci Code
Mrhiddenlotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Brandon Sanderson's "The Hobbit"
Rattler5150 ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 11:03:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you do not improve on Tolkien
Mrhiddenlotus ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 13:01:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
People said that about wheel of time too.
theshicksinator ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:09:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martins Lord of the Rings
Or George RR Martins the bible.
Invictum2go ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"The 120 Days of Sodom", by John Green
mintman72 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible, by Stephen King.
griffith12 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anne of Green Gables - George RR Martin
Captriker ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:10:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neil Gaiman's Huckleberry Finn
didntcit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a fantastic, original question. There is a certain threshold for juxtapositional humor, which has been exhausted in the comments ... you all are ridiculous, and I love it. To give my very sincere response: I'd like to see Brandon Sanderson cover the Animorph series. There are probably better answers to the question, but that'd be pretty cool.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:54:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Coraline
DrMrProfessor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Joy of Cooking by Adolf Hitler....and I wouldn't mind looking through Julia Child's Mien Kampf. It would probably be mostly about how great butter is and why margarine can get the hell out!
sillylackey ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty Shades by J.R.R. Tolkien
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:11:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Half Blood Prince by Stephen King
MisanthropeX ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Robert E. Howard's Chronicles of Narnia
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:12:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Donald Trump's: Mein Kampf
DrippyWaffler ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:39:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Art Of the Deal 2: Electric Boogaloo
Plato94 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr Seuss- Fear and loathing in las vegas
Paratwa ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:14:27 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Chuck Palahniuks , "IT"
cereals ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin covering the entire Dark Tower series
tyrannonorris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
100% g.r.r. Martin Harry Potter. I don't care that we'll never get the half blood prince or deathly hallows.
HopelessSky7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:15:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss covering Fifty Shades of Gray
deadthylacine ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I think Glen Cook would do a better job of Game of Thrones than GRRM has.
DomDelillo ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:17:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Madame Bovary by Virginia Woolf
Joey_Kikue ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If mythology tales can apply here, then go check out/google BetterMyths.
The author re-words myths in a "modern" style.
pedone1 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Percy Jackson's Old Testament
Shinygreencloud ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tim Dorsey's "The Holy Bible", with Serge A. Storm as Jesus, with his appostle Coleman following a "higher" calling.
And now Jesus lives in Florida. And is a manic spree killer with a heart of gold.
3xTheSchwarm ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:36 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
William Burroghs rewrites A Midsommers Night DREAM
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:51 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R. R. Martin's rendition of anything by Jane Austen, particularly Emma or Pride and Prejudice.
Xcruser88x ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:18:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Lolita by Cormac McCarthy.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Tom Clancy Rainbow 12. The fellowship of the ring
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clive Barker's Cthulhu Mythos.
SelfReconstruct ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Branden Sanderson - Wheel of Time series.
Trim the fat, remove braid tugging, completely redo middle of the series.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy by George R R Martin
Jeff_0105 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:19:53 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's " the bible " ( otherwise known as the stand )
spinfip ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:20:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Karl Marx's "Atlas Shrugged"
valicat ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They already do that. For example, Fifty Shades of Grey is a cover of Twilight which is a cover of Romeo and Juliet
AmbitiousTurtle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:21:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dostoevsky's The Places You'll Go
fearguyQ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:31 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish Green Fish Black Fish PURPLE FISH PRETTY FISH SNOWCONEFISH by Brian Regan.
BlueCrayons_ ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:22:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss, Fifty Shades of Gray
nahtans95 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I will fuck you if you're rough,
I will fuck you in these cuffs.
hawkwings ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:23:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Clint Eastwood - Harry Potter. Harry, Hermione, and Ron would be the good, the bad, and the ugly.
chrismakestv ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fight Club by Hunter S. Thompson
reTired_death_eater ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:24:30 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Oh the places you'll go H.P. Lovecraft
bicyclegeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
He can follow it up with One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Ancient Undying Elder God of the Deep Abyss
spikebrennan ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Neal Stephenson's version of The Name of the Rose.
TheRealTrueDarkLord ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Twilight by Bram Stoker. At least in his version, vampires don't sparkle.
TheLivingShit ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:25:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Stephen King
ProgLord9 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"
EEPspaceD ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:26:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kurt Vonnegut's "A Clockwork Orange"
pietya ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Steinbeck's Harry Potter = 120 pages of about the flow and feel of the Haunted Forrest, 100 on the complexity of human relations between the portraits.
Unicorns-and-Glitter ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:00 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George Orwell, Margret Atwood, or Philip K. Dick need to fix up those young adult dystopian series like Hunger Games and the Divergent series. Their plots have potential that's just not reached.
wisevrc ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Roald Dahl, Jurassic Park
broniesnstuff ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:28:43 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd totally read "Are you there god? It's me, Margaret" by Stephen King.
swantamer ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:29:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Crews does The Lord of the Flies.
bicyclegeek ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:21 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Southern gothic nuclear war castaways that butcher the fuck out of each other. Tarantino options this book about 0.5 seconds after it's released.
Firefawkes17 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss Clockwork Orange
ChefBoyAreWeFucked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Killing Jenny: the Story of Forrest Gump, by Bill O'Reilly.
MrSchenley ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's Harry Potter
Get_Rad_Bro ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 03:39:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry would die at the end of chamber of secrets and the rest of the series would be about Neville slowly losing friends at Hogwarts, only to die himself then be brought back by Luna Lovegood, who is actually 900 years old. And Lucius would definitely eat Draco in the form of a treacle tart
melgib ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
5/7 would read
Hydris ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do cover stuff. It's called reboots. It's why there's been 3 different spiderman.
It's why they have "re-imagining" and why romantic comedies are all the same story formula. Why tons of romance movies are based off Romeo and Juliette, and other century old stories.
ExtremeDoctor ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Ray Bradbury.
matter_of_time ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, By Haruki Murakami
TrippyWentLucio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:38 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's The Odyssey
AshTONofFun ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:39:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
J.K. Rowling's version of The Handmaid's Tale
Wozzle90 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:46:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Literally anyone doing A Song of Ice and Fire because then it would finish.
bubblebathmadness ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this just fanfiction????
Jvand14 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:47:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitler's rendition of Night by Elie Wiesel.
onewordnospaces ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:53:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hitler's rendition of the Diary of Anne Frank
zlatansays ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:54:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Ulysses by Hakuri Murakami
Seymore_Bushe ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:56:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
O the irony
Dreamio ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:59:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin on Harry Potter
jer123456and7 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:00:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Jane Austin's Neuromancer
DerekNotDerrick ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Donald Trump
Psheman42wallabyway ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:01:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Harry Potter series by George R R Martin
C-sanova ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:03:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas by Dr. Seuss
JakeBrownXC ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:14:35 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Bill O'Reilly rewriting anything by Hunter S. Thompson
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin's Harry Potter.
toozainanboku ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:21:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Faulkner's As I Lay Dying by Hemingway
Basile86 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:22:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dude fuck covers. I want the art direct from the source
ssbmhero ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:23:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Game of thrones by stephen king because then it would actually be finished on time.
someoneinsignificant ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:26:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R.R. Martin does Harry Potter.
Spoiler: Many, many, many more characters die, and the seventh book is never finished.
grpjly ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:32:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stephen King's A Song of Fire and Ice... the complete series would be done and Essential Edition'ed before Martin was done with the originals.
zennim ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:46:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
by the rhythm that king writes he would finish the saga in 2 years top
Mescalitoburrito ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:37:22 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isaac Asimov's game of thrones, where every character is reduced to their effect on the plot and futuristic science replaces fantasy ohh wait I'll just go read foundation again.
Houptie ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:42:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of gray by Dr Seus
Fufubear ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:43:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Fifty shades of grey
By Stephen King
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:10:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Stephen King
tyler2time ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut covers Atwood. Or Atwood covers Vonnegut. Either way would love to see how their dystopian futures mix.
Michael__Cross ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
'A clock work orange' by Tolkien
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:29:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
American Gods is already a cover of Deathbird Stories, though.
happyface925 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:41 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vladamir Nabokov's "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"
Fatman6000 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Stephen King
Ab_absurda ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:40:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is a cool what if, but storytellers have been doing this shit for a long time.
Roxanne, Megamind, and Let it Shine? Cyrano De Bourgerac. Warm Bodies and West Side Story? Romeo and Juliet. Lion King? Hamlet. Miyazaki's Ponyo? That's just the little mermaid.
Many, if not most stories are indirectly 'covers' of other works.
Fuzebox84 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:45:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 Shades of Grey covered by George Orwell. Dystopian kinks.
aaronbristow1239 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:51:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The grinch who stole Christmas by Stephen King
darybrain ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 09:38:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Famous Five book - Enid Blyton
Watership Down - Richard Adams
Mr Men books - Roger Hargreaves
darklightbrightsky ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:11:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Bible covered by J.R.Tolkien. Will Jesus be able to bring the cross to the mountain in time, and will Salem burn? This and more in this epic trilogy.
Tusami ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 10:36:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
13 Reasons Why by J.K Rowling
Syrethyne ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 00:52:27 on June 30, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So because I read all of these and some from another site I have a whole list. R. A. Salvatore covering Harry Potter and The Mortal Instruments series Anne Bishop covering lotr and Edgar Allen Poe covering Twilight J. K. Rowling covering Eragon and Alice in wonderland Lewis Carrol covering Charlie and the chocolate factory Shel Silverstein covering A Series of Unfortunate events Douglas Adams covering Alice in wonderland and Jurassic Park Cassandra Claire covering 50 shades of grey Mark Twain covering The great Gatsby Lemony Snicket covering Twilight and Charlotte's Web And there's just too many god damn books that I would want if the right author wrote it instead so I'm done for now
Mustaqimediteur ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 02:38:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
EL James doing Lolita...
ashleighchristina ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 05:59:33 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
you sick fuck lmao i love it
[deleted] ยท -6 points ยท Posted at 03:15:37 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I don't understand the concept of covering a novel, makes no sense, pls explain.
[deleted] ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:47:54 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
twyste ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:56:55 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A rebook.
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 03:51:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A song cover is when one artist plays another artist's song
[deleted] ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 04:04:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Well yeh obviously, but a book cover artist? I don't get it, surely you would be assailed repeatedly and outed in like 10 seconds. The concept alludes me.
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:35:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
...what?
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 04:39:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
what is not a cognitive question.
[deleted] ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 05:05:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:12:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
but thx for the link :)
[deleted] ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 05:11:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Wouldn't fit in, see there are all kinds of smart, there is scientific smart, social smart, dumping a ton of bricks on asshats smart ( maybe my thing) , physics smart, chemical smart........ then there is the whole argument of what smart means. See we are all human's, we suck in some things and are great in others, the word smart is monumentally insignificant to describe understanding.
theDoctorAteMyBaby ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 15:14:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
As you can't grasp the idea of one author rewriting another's story, I'd say you're none of them.
McNumNums ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:36:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I always understood covers to be an artist's reinterpretation of an old song revised with new elements
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:42:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Sounds plausible. What is your take on covered novels, which was the actual point of the post?
Seymore_Bushe ยท 4 points ยท Posted at 03:53:01 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't bother: this whole thread is nonsensical.
[deleted] ยท 2 points ยท Posted at 04:01:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Nonsense can be a source of amusement:)
[deleted] ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 04:20:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:05 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I appreciate the effort which you have gone too, to explain that. Ulysses no doubt has been butchered due to bad translation. I am totally ok with covered songs, shit, look what Soundgarden did with Rusty Cage. But , and maybe this is a personal philosophy, but the written word is sacred, it is what it is, it requires no completion, no extra explanation, to division, no rewriting. It is something which should be immortal. Well that is just my opinion .
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:28:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Another writer writes down your story, but with some stylistic changes and changes to the plot.
[deleted] ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 06:39:46 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The definition of evil. you do simply not change the written word. Any living author will describe it as rape.
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 02:55:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd like to see Rowling version of Lord of the Rings. I want to like LOTR, but it just seems so dense. Ironically, I loved the hobbit.
Outside of books. I'd like to see Steven Moffat (Doctor Who showrunner) tackle Marvel/DC comics or power rangers.
Pseudonymico ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:07:28 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mistborn by Gene Wolfe.
It by Harlan Ellison
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:33:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
intheblender ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:34:14 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
By interpreting the story through the author's words and "voice"
NeoRiverton ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 03:47:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Kevin J. Anderson's The Hobbit
twilite13 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:15:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Catcher in the Rye -cover by Shakespear
Skullferno ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 04:52:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
A Tale of Ice and Fire by Jeff Foxworthy
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:14:42 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Citadel_CRA ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:19:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
And we'd be waiting on The Order of The Phoenix if he's writing it.
He's great at world building but needs to get his act together or Sanders will be finishing another dead author's series.
[deleted] ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 05:31:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Mein Kampf by Ron Howard.
tastiger1 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:07:52 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Hamlet, by Donald Trump
TheYearOfThe_Rat ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 09:02:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
To grab or not to grab, that is the question...
DenzelWashingTum ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:30:49 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Pretty sure they'd all suck...
Elite_Dalek ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 08:31:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Harry Potter by Stephen King. It would be even more suspenseful and much more spoopy.
Ruby-is-a-potato ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:07:39 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Vonnegut.
myscreamname ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 09:12:11 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
isn't that just called fanfic?
Maureen_jacobs ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 10:45:02 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Anything rewritten by Stephen King
Arazaha ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:28:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
So like fanfiction?
KakarotMaag ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 11:29:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
David Foster Wallace and anything.
James Joyce and anything.
Vladimir Nabokov and anything.
Fyodor Dostoevsky and anything.
And if you are too stupid to understand stuff, Neil Gaiman and all sorts of shit. He's fantastic, but he's blunt and in your face with what he's trying to say.
The rest, well, they're just the best in my opinion. In a way I think they'd all fail to do well in this challenge, except Wallace, as they're too into themselves to care about another person's story. But! I'm imagining a scenario where they had the idea and wrote it on their own.
bigtx99 ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:42:48 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Isn't this called plagiarism?
avatarvszelda ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 13:56:06 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Eragon covered starwars. like... a lot
scienceislice ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:32:50 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hunger Games by Veronica Roth. Oh wait, that's Divergent.
scienceislice ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 16:33:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Let's try again: Wuthering Heights, by Stephanie Meyer. Oh wait, that's Twilight.
LeftyDan ยท 0 points ยท Posted at 17:25:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Not quite but Bob Ross and anything by Trump
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:31:26 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
[deleted]
Reala27 ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:35:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I mean, it IS fiction though.
onfire9123 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:32:23 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George R R Martin's anything
Poop_Scooper_Supreme ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 03:44:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
They do. It's called fan fiction.
Cthulhuhoop ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:15:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
"Lord of the Rings" by Ayn Rand. This time Sauron is the hero!
Krative_Lifestyle ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:29:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I'd love to read Steven kings cover of The Shining
Bardfinn ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:31:24 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Uhhhh โฆ
rayden202 ยท 3 points ยท Posted at 04:32:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Shining is by Steven King
Krative_Lifestyle ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 12:24:09 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Holy shit I can't wait to read it!
Bingrass ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:30:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
50 shades of gray by Danielle Steele. This is a really stupid question.
Anti-AliasingAlias ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:34:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Seuss' Mein Kampf.
TakeAPicNick ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:44:08 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Dr. Suess cover 50 shades of Gray
[deleted] ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 04:57:13 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lolidk
Yuseffo ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 05:22:04 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Iv been separated with my wife for years now. I am not that hungry for sex but admit it sex will make us closer to our spouse. I am working in other country 8 months after marriage. When I come home of course sex will be on my mind. When I had sex with my wife she is like dead. She doesn't moan or gave a little response and it made me don't finish. I really find it boring. I didn't have someone to compare for I don't have relationship outside marriage but sex only is the least that she can do to please me when I come home. I made foreplay to her before penetration but it seems selfishly she is enjoying on her on. She doesn't think about me. She isn't also performing in bed and worse she isn't a wife material, she don't care my about my needs. So I talked to her the last time I come home to better file a devorse for our marriage isnt working anymore. I am thinking I should have get somebody and pay for sex and serve me than getting a lazy, selfish and boring wife.
LukeRhinehart34 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 06:41:47 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
james joyce covering "the odyssey" XD
yomjoseki ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 07:21:45 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
lol who reads? Nerds
iamsum1gr8 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 10:42:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Most musical covers add nothing to the song... so whats the point?
akjoltoy ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 11:29:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
ender's game by rowling. oh wait. she already basically ripped it off with harry potter. and hers would be worse than orson scott card's anyway. but at least she'd pave the way by suing him first. claim that he traveled into the future and then used hogwartz as an inspiration for battle school. with all her money she'd probably win too just like she did against fans who simply made non-profit fansites for harry potter... and like she successfully publicly shamed people who she claimed wrote stories overly derivative of her books despite hers being far more derivative of ender's game.
fmkhan213 ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 12:12:32 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The comic reading app *Tapas * can bring a twist in this approach. By encouraging visual artists, comic artists and young story writers to make their version of a renowned work of sci-fi fiction and fantasies. It'll be both mass appealing, and bring out a unique taste of the classics, from the young generation
johnshepherdmusic ยท -1 points ยท Posted at 14:11:19 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
George RR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire
Oh wait he wrote those
I'm sorry
I forgot
[deleted] ยท -26 points ยท Posted at 02:38:58 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Stupid question
wickernadz ยท 20 points ยท Posted at 02:43:07 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
worse comment.
Jascraft22 ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 03:47:34 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
The Hobbit by J. K. Rowling. I bet it would be way better.
xclxcl ยท -2 points ยท Posted at 21:33:12 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Why do you people read books? Sitting in a room staring at a book... reading. So awkward.
I rather do just about anything than just sit there and read. Boring
funnyAlcoholic ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 21:54:03 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
I read mostly on public transit. Throw on some music, open a book and ignore the crazy weird people around me
whatevenmotherfhcked ยท -5 points ยท Posted at 02:46:18 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
This is called plagiarism and it's frowned upon. But if you are a film director go for it.
TheMFDrez ยท 5 points ยท Posted at 03:00:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Don't party poop on truly original threads with a fantasy premise!
whatevenmotherfhcked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:27:44 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
If I posted a picture of a kitten would you forgive me?
twyste ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 03:58:40 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
No. Red panda, maybe.
whatevenmotherfhcked ยท 1 points ยท Posted at 05:14:10 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
sowwy
bavbviu ยท -8 points ยท Posted at 01:39:29 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
Respect by Aretha Franklin is an Otis Redding cover.
Brian716Harris748nrk ยท -18 points ยท Posted at 00:41:56 on May 1, 2017 ยท (Permalink)
songs, way